#first thing monday morning

[cravingstudyvalidation]

I promise I'll go to sleep after this shitpost

MY SKL JUST SENT US A NEW TIMETABLE AND CHEMISTRY IS FOR THE FIRST 90 MINS😭😭😭

[yesloulou]

For/inspired by so close, we combust by @officialmood 🎇 | graphics inspo via @thewintersoldier

[intotheelliwoods]

if I had a nickel for each rottmnt trend I set I would have 3 damn shiny nickels

[thelaurenshippen]

Hi there! I started relistening to the bright sessions (as one does) and had a random question come up. When did you know that Mark/Sam wasn't going to be endgame (romantically)? I know in s4 they both fall apart separately and together, but even in Safehouse pt 2 (my absolute beloved) they argue about their coping mechanisms. Did you know then that they weren't going to end up together? How did you come to that conclusion?

hey!! this is a great question - I definitely did start the show thinking they were endgame and that's mostly what I was thinking at the time of safehouse too, despite their issues. I think it was really in writing Season 4 actually, when I realized that I was no longer telling a story about two people in love working through their issues, but was instead telling a story about two people who were in love but realized they shouldn't be together in that way. I started to feel those tension points in Season 3 (I would say the safehouse episodes were a true attempt for them to learn to work through their issues), but it wasn't until planning S4 that I really made the decision.

there are a lot of things that led to this that I'll try to articulate, because the honest, simplest answer as to why the plans changed was "because it felt like they should". but if I were think back and pinpoint a few reasons for that...

there was never supposed to be a love triangle. Mark was always bisexual but he and Damien were never supposed to develop feelings for one another. but the first time we got Andrew and Charlie into a room and read through their first episode together it was like "oh, OH-kay" (which, sidebar: clearly I was writing something between them subtextually because it wasn't like Andrew and Charlie were strangers to each other - I'd watched them act ALL sorts of scenes together in acting class but the romantic chemistry popped OUT with Mark/Damien. pretty much from the second motel episode on, I was writing leaning into that dynamic). that threw a lot of spanners into the works because while I never had plans to put Mark and Damien together, I hadn't anticipated Mark grappling with feelings for someone else.

similarly, I'd underestimated just how flawed Sam was. Sam is not a bad person, but she sometimes doesn't really know how to be a person who cares about other people. when you add that to the dynamics of Damien and Joan kind of, like, hovering over Mark in various unproductive ways (for Damien, it's destructive and invasive; for Joan, she's just a too-involved older sister sometimes), Sam becomes another person who is kind of, like...controlling Mark, or trying to, because she loves him and doesn't know how to (I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm just regurgitating actual lines I wrote lol). this is not to say that her flaws make her unable to be in a relationship (Mark is also deeply flawed!) but just that their flaws clashed against each other in ways I hadn't planned.

finally: Joan and found family. in my mind, there was something grand and romantic about Sam meeting Dr. Bright so that she could be led to Mark - like they were somehow always fated to meet. in actuality, it's not that at all - instead, the bond that Sam and Joan have is just as important as the one she has with Mark, albeit different. I don't believe in soulmates personally, but I've always liked the idea that you have people out there. soulmates in a more general sense - people you click with, have a connection with. it can be romantic, familial, friendship, work or creative partnerships, whatever. I think the Bryant siblings and Sam have that. I think Sam and Mark are meant for each other but in a non-exclusive way and in a...maybe not non-romantic way, but a way that doesn't have romance at the forefront. they love each other deeply and they fit, but a romantic partnership might not be the best way forward for them. and Joan and Sam are the whole heart of the show to me in some senses. as I was writing the finale, I very intentionally ended with the two of them - both because the final appearance of every character is in order of when they first appeared, but in reverse and also because the show starts with both of them in dark, destructive places and while there's broken trust between them throughout, they ultimately help each other get better. I thought Sam's story was about finding love and it was, but that love looked differently than I had planned.

okay, god, this has gotten waaaaaay too long and rambly. I hope this answers your question? one of my favorite things/the thing I miss most about making a show like TBS is being able to shift things based on chemistry/what the actors bring/etc. so often now, I'm writing entire seasons of things and then handing them off to production, in which anything can happen! the flexibility of recording episode by episode in TBS is something I took full advantage of.

thanks for listening and relistening!!

[hairtusk]

actually getting out of academia at this time in my life is the best thing i could've done for myself - i was wandering around like a ghost thinking only about theory and poetry and feeling superior to every single person around me. now i'm teaching special needs and disabled teenagers and i'm actively improving the lives of kids every day, making them laugh, having great conversations, helping them understand tricky concepts and feeling immensely proud. my students are the absolute best and it's such a joy when they engage with how i teach them and have fun learning. i still read and write poetry, read theory, and i've been thinking about d.h. lawrence non-stop for a month, but i now actually feel like a real person with people relying on me. i'm calm and patient and maternal and witty. i'm really good at my job. my job is not only important but fundamental to the lives of my kids. i'm doing good in the world and enjoying doing it because they make it worth it. this is the best thing i could've done for my own life. i'll go back to academia eventually, but i'm so glad i took this path right now in my life.

[rhythm-of-space]

Woke up thinking about boyfriend josh don't hmu

[lezbianz]

alright enough with the posting tonight. i have a 3 hour 8:30 class about christianity and violence tomorrow. goodnight all

[deadcrowcalling]

me remembering exams start next week

[linguenuvolose]

A side effect of living a very multilingual life is that anytime something life alternating happens to me I immediately have to talk about it in three different languages

[tallmadgeandtea]

Hi! SS&SP Chapter 11 is finally finished! With a shit ton of editing and little time to do it, of course, but here’s a snippet from a fun future scene where Lizzie and the boys get into shooting shenanigans, and Benjamin… well… you’ll see:

“You should demonstrate your special move, Bennyboy.” Caleb Brewster said, his mouth curled in a sly grin. He moved the pistol between his hands as if it were a plaything, wooden and ineffective, the bullet a ball tied to a string.

Elizabeth redirected her attention back to Benjamin. “Oh?”

He glanced downward, “I don’t think that’s necessary, Caleb. Would be a waste of bullets.”

“What are you referring to, Mr. Brewster-”

“Eh, Lizzie, what did I say?”

“Caleb.”

“I once saw him shoot a man while flying on his horse like a devil outta hell.” Caleb replied. “Quite a sight to see if you ask me.”

“She didn’t,” Benjamin said curtly.

The rest of the group’s interest piqued, the conversation lulled, nonverbal deliberation hanging in the air with the gunsmoke. “I agree with Brewster,” Hamilton, of course, with an eerily similar scheming grin— a gunner’s grin. “I haven’t seen a good cavalryman perform since my last raid with Harry Lee.”

Benjamin scoffed, a low, warning laugh. “I’m not performing, Hamilton.”

“Let him go.” Tilghman looked over his shoulder, past the tree line and towards Headquarters. Were the sentries watching, or was she seeing things? He shook his head, smiling gently at Elizabeth. “His Excellency doesn’t want any shooting that isn’t drills, let alone a pistol from horseback.”

“You’re wrong about that, Captain,” Caleb clicked his tongue, “we’ve been at it for an hour and he still ain’t sent one of those men to come and scold us.”

Tilghman bristled at the casual rebuttal. “Don’t push your luck.”

“It’s my speciality.”

“I will push mine,” Lafayette finally entered the petty argument, “His Excellency listens to any explanation I offer. Is that not the case, gentlemen?”

“Always is!”

She ignored the rising argument over Washington’s favoritism. She looked back at Headquarters. Was he watching? Standing at his office window with his hands behind his back, distracting the others from copying orders? Would he bring it up at dinner?

If they let me stay, I’ll defend them. If worse came to worst, she’d show Washington her shot. And she’d tell him Benjamin was the reason why. She still felt his strong hands on her arm, perfecting her stance, the way he whispered in her ear, the way she turned around and her chin almost grazed his shoulder, the way he smiled when they saw the bullseye.

The bullseye wasn’t on the target, though.

“Major Tallmadge?”

“Miss?” Benjamin’s voice struck down the argument.

“Will you do it for me?”

He considered it- he considered her, searching her expression in the lull between speaking, she tilted her head to the side, giving him a soft, inviting smile. Clever girl, Elizabeth. She tried convincing herself it was wrong to use what she learned in Philadelphia on him.

Useless.

“…If you really want me to, Miss Walker.”

Elizabeth and Caleb exchanged the weapon. She held the pistol. Was the handle still warm? Still pulsing with their shared energy? “I do.”

Benjamin nodded, resigned. “Just a moment.”

He took the pistol from her and tucked it into his belt. He left the group, grabbing his helmet and cradling it on his side. He disappeared from the clearing and transformed into a silhouette until he reached Headquarters.

Caleb inhaled sharply through his teeth, shaking his head. He folded his arms. “He just can’t say no to you, Lizzie.”

Lafayette and the aides raised their eyebrows, but didn’t say anything. Elizabeth caught Tilghman’s expression change— changed to his curious, almost apprehensive look from earlier. Take a step back, Ben, he’d said. She hadn’t notice they were practically- she couldn’t call it an embrace. Yet there was no other word she could use.

Even though he technically outranked him, Benjamin had listened to the order.

[thedreadvampy]

the problem

with trying to find new jobs bc your job is stressing you out

is that

it is really very difficult to apply for new jobs when you are so very very very sleepy from your job stressing you out

[icicleteeth]

Not to barge in out of nowhere to start being a hater but the vanilla model for salmon meat in Skyrim...... 

[adrift-in-thyme]

Got Twi and Wars on the docket for today’s whumptober. And I uh went a little crazy with it XD Let’s just say neither is having a good time

[girderednerve]

we got one (1) bottle of apple cider from the local employee-owned cidery stand at the farmers market & i have had one (1) glass of cider two days this week. it tastes nice. however i have repeatedly gone "is this alcoholism? i had a stressful day at work & am looking forward to having a drink when i get home. am i becoming an alcoholic???" which is just like. ridiculous

[johaerys-writes]

It's barely midday and I have already encountered two (2) minor inconveniences, my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined, send thoughts and prayers

[mari-beau]