#for 8 fucking hours over the pain of period cramps

[1327-1]

period cramps yay!!!

[sleepyjuice]

10, maybe reader on her period abd jj js being all sweet 🤭🤭

a/n: idk if y’all remember my little blurb about jj accidentally hurting you during sex bc reader has endometriosis, but this is in that same universe <3

It was Thursday night, which was also your weekly movie night with jj. Since you had started dating, you had only missed one Thursday night movie night, and that was only because you were sick and dead to the world.

You and jj stuck to the routine pretty well. So when he hadn’t heard from you in hours, and it was nearing 8 at night, he truly started to worry that something had happened to you.

You usually met up around 5 to pick up some snacks from the store and you would either go back to your house or the chateau, very rarely jj’s house if Luke wasn’t home or was in jail again.

Today, however, you were supposed to meet at the chateau. That was 3 hours ago.

jj had texted and called you numerous times, giving you the benefit of the doubt that something had come up, but as the hours passed, he decided he was done waiting.

He hopped on his bike and made his way to your house, speeding a little bit more than he usually did as his anxiety refused to settle.

He knocked on your front door once he arrived, only giving you about thirty seconds to open it before he tried the knob, which happened to be unlocked.

His heart was racing at this point, immediately assuming something horrible had happened. He mentally cursed himself for not having his gun on him.

He cautiously peered around the living room and kitchen, seeing no signs of distress, so he approached your shut bedroom door, pulling it open as he subconsciously held his breath, preparing for the absolute worst case scenario.

But there you were, curled up in your bed, heating pad plugged into the outlet in the wall, bottle of advil sitting opened on your nightstand, your phone resting right side up right next to your still hand and you were dead to the world.

jj let out the breath he was holding, running his fingers through his hair as he softly padded over to your bed, taking a seat on the edge beside your sleeping body.

“Babe,” he cooed, pushing your hair out of your face, leaning down to kiss your soft forehead.

You stirred a bit, consciousness slowly hitting you as you fluttered your eyes open to spot jj sitting right beside you.

It took you a moment to collect your thoughts, gasping quietly as you realized what day it was, and from the darkness poking through your window, you could tell that it was evening now.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You looked up at your boyfriend, blinking furiously as tears threatened to spill from your heavy eyes. He had to have been worried sick. Your cramps had beaten the fuck out of you and you told yourself you were just going to lay down with the heating pad for a little bit, not expecting to completely knock out.

jj shook his head quickly, scooting closer to you to play with your slightly messed up hair, seeing the guilt and sadness in your eyes.

“No, no, it’s okay. I was just worried something happened to you.” He explained before gesturing down to the heating pad that was still pressed against your abdomen.

“I see what happened though. Thought you weren’t supposed to start till next week?” He spoke, tone still gentle.

You audibly groaned at that, rubbing your eyes with your palms.

“Yeah, I thought so, too. Love me a nice surprise.” You grumbled sarcastically, your heart warming at the fact that jj had also memorized your cycle. It wasn’t purely due to sex, but he knew how bad your periods were for you and wanted to do anything he could to help you through it. If he would have had more warning, he would have arrived with snacks.

As you became fully conscious, the pain that you attempted to sleep off was already making its presence known again, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut as you waited for this particularly long cramp to fizzle out. You absentmindedly reached for jj’s hand, giving it a small squeeze as you sighed shakily.

“I’m sorry baby,” he frowned, his brows furrowed as he held his hand firmly for you to grasp, watching your face intently for any signs that the pain lessened, “how long ago did you take the advil? You can probably take more, right?”

You opened your eyes again as the pain became slightly more bearable, meeting jj’s concerned gaze. You knew what was going through his head. One thing about jj is that he could not stand to feel helpless. Watching his loved ones in pain or in trouble while he couldn’t physically do anything to help, killed him. His loved ones were everything to him. It was a small circle, and it was truly ride or die.

So even just the fact that you were cramping whilst on your period bugged him, mainly because he couldn’t physically reach inside your body and force it to stop hurting.

Your grip on jj’s hand loosened a bit, no longer squeezing it. You nodded your head in response, reaching behind you to grab the bottle of pills before popping one in your mouth and swallowing it.

“I’m sorry for scaring you,” you sighed, now playing absently with his ring clad fingers, “I’m really sad I missed movie night.”

jj shook his head at that, planting several more kisses across your forehead, the last one lingering a bit longer than the others.

“Nah, baby, quit apologizing. It’s only 8, we still got plenty of time. Now, is there anything I can do to help my girl?” He asked you, hoping that if you were gonna be in pain all night, he could at least offer you a sense of emotional comfort.

“Can you stay?” You asked immediately, pulling softly at his hand.

He couldn’t hide the smile that tugged at his lips, being quick to kick his shoes off and lower himself down to lay next to you, pulling you close to him.

He gave you the freedom to adjust yourself whichever way was the most comfortable, your head on his chest as he lay on his back, his arm resting above you as you relaxed against him, sighing into the fabric of his shirt. His smell was nothing short of comforting to you. It was familiar, it gave you love, and it was jj.

“If you feel up to it a little bit later, I can run you a bath. You should still have those bath salts from last time, yeah?” He murmured against the top of your head, resting his chin comfortably against you.

“Mhm…” you mumbled, your eyes already beginning to feel heavy once again.

jj smiled to himself, not responding as he wanted to let you sleep again, knowing that was one of the only things that truly helped you.

He would lay with you all night, holding you safely in his arms. He would end up hot and a bit sweaty from the heat that radiated from your heating pad, but he wouldn’t let it bother him in the slightest.

[late-to-the-party-81]

Whatever you need

AN: Thank you to the anons who sent me asks about the boys looking after Cali when she’s having her period. I didn’t follow the suggestions to the letter, but hopefully you will still enjoy this fluff tinged with a small amount of smut.

Beta’d by @lfnr-blog-blog-blog

Dividers by @firefly-graphics and moodboard by me

Master list | Series Master list

Relationship: Engineer Bucky x Reader (Cali) x Artist Steve

Word Count: 1.2k

CW: Period fic, soft loving boyfriends, clothed thigh-riding/soft smut, lots of kissing, soft dirty talk - kinda.

You didn’t know why you were so surprised by your boys being so in tune with your body, but every month - or rather every 31-33 days - you were still taken offguard.

Initially you thought it would be difficult for the two men to understand the waxing and waning of your menstrual cycle, previous partners having never cared, but they’d proved you wrong. 

“Darlin’ we know how to take you apart with the merest touch, what makes you think we don’t know what’s going on down there and how it all works?”

You lay on your side on the bed, Bucky pressed up behind you with his large warm hands splayed across your cramping abdomen. He’d found you here, in your baggy sweats and vest, not needing to ask what was the matter when a wave of pain made your features twist in discomfort. He’d just whipped out his phone, called Steve to tell him to bring home snacks and supplies, and then snuggled up behind you.

“Well, to be honest most men are either ignorant and/or don’t care.”

“And those guys are bozos. How can they not want to understand? If they have menstruating people in their lives who they love and care for, understanding it just makes sense.”

His right arm was moving, drawing slow circles on your stomach, soothing your aching body.

“I remember talking to my doctor once, about my periods. Before I’d even started he asked if they were still regularly every 28 days. Part of me wanted to tell him that I was the fricking moon, and that not all women are like that. When even health professionals can’t get it right…”

You trailed off. Sure, your guys knew a lot, but you would admit you hadn’t plumbed the depths of their knowledge on the subject.

“I know, sweetheart. I got three sisters. I know more than I ever thought I would. 17 year old me got my eyes opened wide the first month all three of them and Ma synched. My pa just came home, dumped a load of candy on the table and told Ma that he and I were going out for boys' night.”

You giggled at the mental image of young Bucky, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights, not knowing what to say in the face of a multiple progesterone crash.

“‘N by extension, Stevie knew all about it cos he was always hanging out at mine when his ma had to work nights.”

You turned your head to look over your shoulder at him. His misty grey eyes looked back at you and his cheeks and chin was covered by a short layer of hair. Fuck, he looked delicious. You needed to distract yourself.

“So, here’s a test for you. Why are there different sizes of tampons?”

“Easy- different flow rates.”

“How often does a woman need to change her tampon?” 

“About every 6 hours. Don’t leave it in for more than 8. Come on, give me a hard one here!”

You pondered for a moment.

“When does a woman grow her eggs.”

“Grow them? When she’s still in utero. Which means when your mom was pregnant with you, there were three generations in the same body. But your ovaries take turns maturing one each month.”

It was a bit awkward to press a kiss to his lips, but you didn’t care.

“My, you are clever.”

He smiled against your lips.

“I know…”

His lips roved gently over yours as his hand continued to stroke your stomach, slowly but surely stoking a fire within you. So much for distracting yourself. You always got horny on your period, your jumbled hormones doing a number on you, but you always felt a bit ‘wrong’ doing anything about it.

Reluctantly you pulled your lips away from Bucky’s, giggling as you felt his erection nudging your ass.

“Need me to help you out with that?” 

Bucky turned you in his arms so he could look you in the face, brushing his nose against yours and cupping your face.

Let’s just focus on you, darlin’. Orgasms are good for cramps.”  His voice was a purr, his lips brushing over yours before he sucked your lower lip into his mouth and ran his tongue over it. You pulled away with a laugh and smacked at his chest, but your doubts were crumbling.

“Bucky! You’re such a horn-dog!”

He chuckled and pulled you closer, slotting one of his thick thighs between your legs.

“Can you blame me, when you and Stevie are so god-damn sexy.”

“You’re not too bad yourself…”

“Flattery will get you everywhere and everything you like.”

You nipped at his jaw and heard him drag in a sharp breath.

“Didn’t think I needed to flatter you.”

“Okay. You got me.”

“And you got me.”

He kissed you again, his hands slipping inside your sweats to knead your ass and gently move you up and down his thigh. Okay, now all your doubts were gone. Vanished. Poof. There was only Bucky and how good he was making you feel. You wrapped your arms around his neck, fingers tangling in his hair as you breathed soft whimpers into his mouth. 

Up here, in the top floor bedroom, you didn’t hear the front door open and close, but you did notice when the bed dipped behind you, and the smell of Steve’s cologne enveloped you.

His breath tickled your ear as his large hands, with their long, tapered fingers, slid up your vest and started to stroke over your sensitive breasts.

“Hey, baby. Bucky helping to soothe those pesky cramps? You nodded and let out a muffled mmm-hmm as Bucky continued to kiss you.

“Well, just enjoy it, Cali. Let us make you feel better.”

Steve’s thumbs brushed gently back and forth over your nipples and you gasped, throwing your head back. His mouth latched onto the side of your neck, while Bucky shifted to your collarbone, his hands still on your ass, rocking you.

You could feel the pleasure building in you as the friction across your clit sent shockwaves through your core, coupled with the gentle teasing of your breasts. You closed your eyes and just let yourself drift away on the rising tide, small whimpers and moans making their way past your lips

“Just let go, darlin’. That’s it.”

“So beautiful, baby.”

You were surrounded by your boys, being loved and cared for. You couldn’t believe how lucky you were.

Finally, you crested, a soft ecstasy filling your pores and surrounding you like a fuzzy blanket. Steve and Bucky continued to kiss you and pet you until you slowly relaxed into the mattress. When Bucky pulled away from you, leaving the bed, after a quick readjustment of his pants, you let out a little whine, not really to be dragged from your comfortable, warm spot, but Steve just wrapped his arms around you, a mirror of how you’d been lying with Bucky only 30 minutes ago.

“Ssshhh, Cali. He’s just gone to run you a bath. And you're gonna have candles, and wine, and candy and that relaxing music that you like. Sound good?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Nothing’s too good for you, sweetheart. I hope you know that. Now, you rest here, and have a little snooze, and I’ll wake you up when your bath’s ready.”

“Okay, Stevie.”

You drifted off, with a smile on your face and warmth in your heart.

Tag list: @jobean12-blog @tuiccim @yarnforbrains @sidepartskinnyjeans @flordeamatista @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @chemtrails-club @seitmai @peaches1958 @pono-pura-vida @writing-for-marvel

[faegoddessog]

  Fantasy Come True  Ch 8/8

Chapter 8  : Home... to our house

Chapter Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, cramps, period sex (no blood), massage, fingering, slow fucking, Unprotected PiV (play safe ya'll) cock warming, public sex, 'can't be bothered to take your clothes off' fucking, hard and fast from behind, verbal abuse, breakup angst, Austin is just too fucking sweet to handle.

Series Summary: Breaking into the acting world has been a life long dream. It's been tough, plus your relationship with you partner has some struggles, but who doesn't have struggles. A new guy shows up to your improv classes who seems strangely familiar. He seems rather interested in you and you feel unusually comfortable around him, like he projects calm and reassurance. Once you realize who he really is, and what he really likes... it's game on. 

SERIES WARNING: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only,  here there be lemons.

A/N: This little gem is per request for the lovely and talented @purejasmine . It's been a collaborative project designed to meet her every Austin need as best I can. Here's to you darling! <clink> I hope ya'll enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed the creative process with parameters not wholly my own!!

Here is the Masterlist of this series.

Chapter 8:  Home… to our house.

When you both actually wake up,  you can’t believe it’s only Saturday. Austin makes you coffee and tea, then sets out a plate of non-breakfast for you both to nibble on and you get to work. You end up taping one your two scenes with Austin off screen, reading the opposing lines. Upon review, it is so good, better than what you originally had in mind.  

You help Austin with his project for a couple hours. He is already off script, just wanting to hone bits and pieces. You are amazed at how phenomenal he is. He shies away from the kissing scene. Telling you that if he starts kissing you… he’s not gonna stop.

“Plus, I can tell you are sore love,” he says, kissing you lightly on the forehead. 

 You insist that you aren’t exactly sore, just delicious twinges that remind you insistently of last nights’ activities. 

You finish eating the early dinner you ordered in, when the cramp hits, and all is made quite clear. Your eyes close and you blow out short breaths. 

“Are you Ok, Angel?” concern written on his face.

“Well that answers why I was so fucking horny last night.” you say almost to yourself.

“What? That wasn’t a product of me admitting I’m head over heels in love with you plus my extra sexy skills?” he says, only partly teasing. 

“Yes, for sure, and,” you frown, “I’m about to get my period. Fuck! “ you bend over in pain as another one hits.

“Princess,“ he rushes to you, rubbing your low back with a sure hand. “Will you let me take care of you? I have a tried and true method of making cramps go away. And I promise that blood doesn't bother me, that’s what showers are for, sweetheart.” 

Wow, this man is truly amazing. 

“I’m not bleeding yet, just cramping,” you say shaking your head, “but how are you real, my Austin, and not a dreamed up god of a man or an angel or something?” 

He just huffs out breath and shakes his head, closing his eyes. 

“C’mon, let's get you upstairs and into a hot bath.”

……..

Austin’s chest is so solid behind you, the lavender and chamomile oil scents drifting up from the tub are almost effortlessly relaxing. 

“It’s what I use when I just need to relax,” he had said as the drops hit the surface of the hot water with tiny plops. You had watched the oils spread in slick concentric rings in front of you in  the soft glow of the candles he lit before climbing in behind you.  

Now the fingers of his left hand play at being laced in between the fingers of yours, his thumb delicately stroking your own. His right hand gently pulls your head down against his shoulder, petting a stray hair away from your face and back into the hasty bun on the back of your head. You sigh, relaxing. 

Another cramp hits, you suck air in through your teeth, your body tensing.

“Oh hunny,” his right hand drifts to your abdomen, his palm going in gentle clockwise circles. His left rubbing against your hip and along your thigh. How does he know it’s so sore there? 

The cramp dissipates quickly as his hands touch you.  It’s fucking sorcery. 

You sit in companionable silence, Austin effectively petting the cramps away as they come. 

“Are you ready now?” he asks softly after about twenty minutes in the bath.

“There’s more?” you ask incredulously. 

“Of course, my Princess, I hate that you hurt, I want to do everything I can to help you.” 

“Austin, just you touching me has helped tremendously. Thank you.” “Well that is my plan,” his hands go to the sides of the oversized tub. Water drips off his gorgeous physique as he gets out. 

“‘I’ll be right back,” he says, wrapping a towel around himself.

He is gone for about ten minutes, doing… who knows what. You lay back in the tub that is strangely empty without him. You will never be able to take a bath without Austin again, this is simply the superior way to bathe, cramps or no.

He comes back quickly with a huge warm fluffy towel that he must have pulled straight from the dryer. He wraps you in it, rubbing you head to toe. He leads you to the bed, where he has laid  out pillows and more towels ‘just in case”, he winks at you. You melt. Why does his wink turn  your bones to jello?

He positions you face down, with a pillow under your hips. You pussy is a little exposed, but the gentle pressure on your belly actually feels good. Another warm towel drapes over you. 

He gets massage oil out and kneels on the bed straddling your legs. Folding the towel out of the way, he starts with long slow strokes, spreading the oil over your hamstrings, buttocks and low back. His thumbs pull slightly at your crack, opening you up just a bit as he glides over your ass. His strong hands knead each of your legs up and down several times. His fingers and thumbs dig into your glutes and you can’t help but moan in pleasure. 

Normally, when you get massages, you try to keep your vocalizations to a minimum, but here you don’t feel shy about it at all, you want to let him know just how good it feels. He presses his knuckles into your low back, gliding along either side of your spine.

You groan.

 When he leans over you, his semi hard cock brushes against your butt cheeks. 

Sweet Mama Jones, that is a new sensation during a massage. What you hope is just your natural lube floods your insides, he feels so good. 

His hands slide from your back, over your ass, pulling your cheeks apart, his thumbs grazing your lips. He adds more oil to his hands, sliding them gently up and down your pussy lips. Then he starts all over again, backs of your thighs, glutes, low back, down to your crotch again. When he does it for a 3rd time, you open your legs for him in anticipation of his fingers on your pussy. 

“Now, my darling Angel,  I don’t want to make you hurt more, so if it does, just tell me to stop.” He is rubbing back and forth gently, fingertips barely circling your clit on the down stroke. 

“This isn’t about safe words or pushing you past some limit.” He slides a slow finger just barely inside you, every move is slow and gentle. It’s perfectly what you need right now, relaxation seeps into you. Your moans come out as low ‘mmmm’s and breathy ‘oh yeah’s. It just feels good. Who would’ve thought.  

“Don’t even worry about an orgasm, Princess,  just relax and let me make you feel good, my love.” He goes back to your glutes and your low back for a minute or two. 

Weirdly, his words are like the key clicking in the lock. His insistence of orgasm being irrelevant turns you on so much. As he nears your vulva again, your hips open up to him and you find your back arching in an attempt to convey what you want. Of course he notices and of course he gives it to you, gliding his oiled fingers against you. Afterall, this isn’t about teasing and taunting you, only about making you relax and feel good.

You turn your head, lifting your shoulders just a little. You can see him out of the corner of your eye, naked and kneeling over you. Even the fraction of him you can see is a turn on. 

“Austin baby, are you hard?” you ask in a quiet tone.

“Yes,” he simply says.

“Good. I need you in me, my Austin,”  you reach back and brush your fingertips against his knee. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you,” he sounds hesitant. 

“Yes I am, oh god yes,  please. Just go slow and be gentle,” you tone isn’t begging, more definitive. 

“Yes Ma’am.” The mattress bends under your legs as he walks his knees forward. He leans over you, his body making contact with yours, but holding himself up, not wanting to crush you. He moves his hips in a circle, his cock brushing against your buttocks. His hips lift and his shaft falls down between your legs and against your wetness.  Behind you, you hear a closed mouth moan. You reach both hands back and spread your cheeks apart for him. His tip is just at your entrance. 

“Ok my Princess, I’ll go slow, but if it hurts you gotta tell me. Remember, if you don’t cum it’s just fine, as long as you feel good.” He says in a deep voice just behind your ear. 

You nod. 

Then he pushes so slowly, not even all the way in and sits up a bit on his knees. The angle is perfect as it doesn’t put too much pressure on your uterus. Then the fucking magic begins. His thumbs rest on the joint between your back and hip and he starts massaging in ever widening circles. It is unreal how good it feels. He moves his cock slowly, deliberately in and out, but not deep. Thumbs digging in. He is a wizard and you are the subject of his marvelous spell.  You feel an insidious warmth spread through your pelvis, and after a little while, you snake your hand between you and the pillows. Rubbing gentle circles around your clit. 

You feel yourself pushed closer and closer until your orgasm spills up and out of you just as slow. An overflowing pitcher of endorphins spreading through your system like spilled milk. Your whole body shudders in joy.

“Better love?” he rubs up and down your back in long strokes. 

He pulls out as you roll over. You open your arms, wanting him close. 

“Oh god yes,” your whole body feels relaxed and happy as he settles down next to you. Cradling your head against his chest. 

“What about you?” you reach for his still hard cock, covered in your slick.  

“Oh this isn’t about me right now hun, I’m happy to make you feel better.” he intercepts your hand. 

“But that was amazing Austin, I’ve never had anyone do anything like that for me before. I want to repay you.” You lace your fingers through his hand.

“Another time my darling Princess, just rest now.” He kisses your forehead.  

You had never slept so soundly. 

Your flow starts the next morning as Austin feeds you breakfast.  It turns out to be the easiest period you’ve ever had.  

You decide not to work on the comedic scene, opting to wait until next time. When you tell Austin this, he smiles almost shyly at you. 

“I love it when you say next time,” his voice and eyes soft. “Oh yeah, that reminds me! Would you be interested in going to a party next Friday? I usually don’t go to them, but this is one of those big shindigs that I should probably be at, especially with my new project on the horizon.  If you aren’t ready, I totally understand.”

“I would freakin’ love to,” the idea of going out in the public eye on purpose with Austin is thrilling if a bit daunting, plus maybe you can do the whole rub elbows/ shake hands make deals  business deal thing. 

 “I have no idea what I’ll wear though, my closet is pretty mundane,” you say. 

“I believe I told you that I would take you shopping, plus I owe you panties. Are you feeling up to it today?” he asks.

Surprisingly, after all the … well… all the Austin, you are feeling really good, and your flow isn’t nearly as bad as it usually is. So you agree. 

He takes you to one of those fancy boutiques where they give you a private room and serve you drinks and bring you all the clothes to try on. It’s a little overwhelming at first, Austin orders you some sparkling water, knowing alcohol isn’t your jam.

Oh, and thank the lord for the body positive movement, everyone you meet is just so nice and supportive.  Austin is sitting on a little couch with a drink in his hand, smiling at how you are getting pampered. 

They whisk you away to a dressing room, trying to get the tea on you and Austin. You shrug and smile in an ‘I know but I’m not telling’ sort of way. Luckily they are cool and help you try on several things. A couple you feel comfortable enough to go out and show Austin. He nods, says you look nice. 

Then you step out of the dressing room in a white satin blouse with pearl buttons down the front. The deep V neck shows off the girls. It’s not quite scandalous, but enough that you feel sexy. The back yoke is non-existent and has, instead, black satin ribbons sewn at the neckline and the the top of the bra line creating stripes of ribbon, skin, ribbon skin. It’s tucked into a high waisted black tulip cut skirt that hits you at the knee. Just under the subtle offset downwards V in the waistline, the fabric is gathered and twisted at the front of the hip.  Which flows down into the positively libertine slit that peels back over your thigh. You were shocked at the overall effect of it in the  mirror of the dressing room, you would never have even dared to try this on, but the person helping you knew exactly what they were doing. As you step out, you know it's not just you when you see Austin’s breath catch. The subtle widening of his eyes, raising of his eye brow and nodding of his head as he tries to hide biting his lip.

“You look amazing, but how does it feel?” he asks. 

Fuck, how is he so perfect? 

You move around, sit down next to him, put your hand on the knee of his crossed legs,

“It’s actually good,” you say kind of surprisingly. The waist is not too tight when you sit, even the strappy heeled sandals are comfortable. 

The salesperson motions for you to stand. Austin watches your ass as you walk to the three way mirror. 

“This really fits you beautifully. And if we tailor the shirt right here,” they tuck the side seam together, “it’d really create that perfect curvy side silhouette with no rumples in the fabric.” 

“As long as it’s still comfortable, I’d love it,” you comment.

“Girl, I got you, contrary to popular belief, we can look amazing and be comfy at the same time,” they say with a wagging finger.

“We’ll take them,” says Austin quickly with a glimmer in his eye, “when will it be ready.” 

…

Austin drops you off at your apartment later that night. He is doing his best to hide his reluctance, hanging on to the hope that he can convince you to stay with him sooner rather than later. He is planning on picking you up on Friday morning to get your outfit for the party that night. 

It was really hard to walk into your apartment. Austin's words before you walked away from the car keep bounding around inside your head. “I may just keep you… so be ready Princess.” 

Your partner was right where you left him on the bed, playing video games. You wondered if he even moved, he gets so testy when he doesn’t see the sun. 

“Any luck?” he asked. 

“Yeah, we got one of the scenes taped, the other we’ll do later.”

“Only one? In three days? That's ridiculous . Why does everything always take you so long?” Clearly he hasn’t been outside or moved enough, that demon side of him is rearing its ugly head. 

“Yeah well that’s what it’s like-” You almost call him babe, but just… can’t. “Plus I had cramps.” 

“Oh no, well that sucks, so no banging for me huh?” he says, knowing you hate that term. 

Your “Nope,” has never been so multifaceted before. You shake your head, turn your back and walk to the kitchen. You realize you simply just can’t live like this anymore, you have seen the light and you won’t live in darkness. Something has to change and after more than a decade, it won’t be him. 

You spend the next few days mentally cataloging what you would pack and take with you.  It’s actually a nice escape, in between texts from Austin, which you actually changed to his right name. You find that, aside from your clothes and a few momentos from childhood and things that remind you of your mother, you don’t really want most of this stuff. You don’t want the old baggage anymore. You even pack up a few  things and take them to the thrift store. 

On Wednesday, you tell your partner that you will be gone starting on Friday probably all weekend.

“Again!? What are you cheating on me?” he asks, eyes narrowed. “It’s not cheating if it’s with Austin Butler,” you say with a genuine smile.

“Oh yes, of course… your perfect Auuuustin,” he teases cruelly, he's always pissy when you are on your period.  You don’t really care though, not anymore.   Because Austin is perfect, and he is yours.

You just shrug him off. 

“Whatever, weirdo. At least be sure to bring back some leftovers this time.” he says walking into the bedroom, unable to rile you.

‘Fat fucking chance,’ you think. 

You flash to Austin asking you to live with him. It’s feeling more and more tempting to just leave right now. 

‘And what about your security, your future safety?’ fucking practicality, ruining your adventurous  moment. 

…..

Austin hands the keys to the valet, then walks around to open your door. You step out to a myriad of flashes. If not for Austin’s smile at you and his fingers threaded through your own, you’d be terrified. You walk what feels a little like a gauntlet.  Austin has his game face on and yours is neutral like you guys talked about on the way over. 

“Don’t give them anything,” he had said. 

Paparazzi at the gate are yelling his name, asking who you are. You know, intellectually, that this is very mild, but it’s still a little intimidating. But you figure, if shy Austin can handle it, so can you. 

The party is in full swing, people with drinks everywhere in the big old Hollywood house. Austin clings to your hand like a lifeline at first. You aren't sure if it’s for you or for him. He relaxes as he greets people, and introduces you as his date. He is SO charming and somehow remembers everyone’s name and what they might be working on. It’s like he did homework for this party. 

You turn on all your own charm. You are chatting in an easy friendly way. It’s easy with Austin by your side, which he is, all night long. People are actually nice and welcoming. 

“I see why he likes you,” says a lady in your ear.

An official photographer is wandering around, taking pictures. You both pose for him, he asks your name. You give him your stage name. 

After an hour or so of rubbing elbows with people,  you both make your way out to the pool area. There is a big name DJ, people are dancing and drinking and some are high on… whatever. It’s loud and the energy is crazy. 

“I like this music, but it’s a little too much right now,” Austin yells in your ear. 

You notice an empty balcony off the end of the house and nod your head up that way. Austin follows your gaze and returns to your eyes with a little grin that says, “I like the way you think”. 

You covertly find your way up to the room that opens up onto this private balcony. 

You don’t notice, but Austin locks the door behind him. Inside, the music is muted, and the comparable quiet is a balm to both your ears. The room is set up to be an office. A big desk and book shelf and a couple comfy chairs fill the room. 

“You are amazing, Princess,” Austin gathers you in his arms, “It’s like you are made for this sort of thing.” 

“Thank you, darling,” you say, draping your arms around his neck, “But you, you make it look easy.” 

“I’m exhausted, too many people. I just need a little break to recharge.” His lips press to yours. The kiss starts out light, but gets deeper. A tell-tale firmness rises against your hips.

“You want to know why I like this skirt?” he looks down at you through half lidded eyes,”and why I wouldn’t let you wear any of the ten new pairs of panties I bought you?”

Your top teeth bite lightly at your bottom lip as you nod. You had been wondering when he was going to make this move, not that you know what it is. You had been expecting something in the car on the way over, but he had been the perfect gentleman all evening. Much to your throbbing pussy’s dismay. 

A most debauched  grin slides across his face. His hand traces a line up your exposed leg, right up the slit, triggering moisture to tingle inside you. Then as he pulls you closer, both hands slide around behind unclasping and unzipping your skirt.

“Austin…” you aren’t sure you are comfortable taking your clothes off here. 

“Trust me,” he says.

He grabs the waistband and twists the skirt back to front and rezips it.  The slit up your back side, barely covering your ass. 

“This was the first thing I wanted to do when I saw you in it,” he says, reaching around and sliding his hand up the slit again and under the fabric. His fingers play at the tuck of your ass. 

“C’mon,” he leads you out to the balcony. The railing is made of thick stone balusters that provide a modicum of privacy, from the waist down anyway. Only one side is open to the party below.  

“Here,” he guides you to lean forward against the balustrade, as though watching the revelry. The music is somewhat less loud here, the speakers aimed toward the center of the house. At least you can hear each other.  As you lean, the slit in your skirt slides up, your ass and pussy completely accessible to him from behind. The night is a little chilly, at least for LA. 

He cuddles you from the side, his right hand on your low back. He casually talks about the people down below, observing the human behavior while his hand slides down, rubbing your labia. 

“No big reaction now Princess, we can't let any stray onlookers know that your sweet pussy is all exposed for me back here,” he says with a smile.

You nod, your face as passive as you can make it as his fingers play at your cunt, spreading your wetness around. 

His other hand has worked his pants open, his tip just barely exposed.  

“Burrr,” he says in your ear.

“Need me to warm that for you?” you say casually. Your mind is buzzing with the idea of him inside you at such a public and potentially exposed place. 

“Oh I was hoping you’d pick up on that.” He slides in behind you, You spread your legs a little and the head of his cock rubs in your wet pussy. He leans over your back a little and points down at the crowd with a smile on his face. He is close to your ear as though he is just trying to be heard.  

“Slowly now baby, push back, open to me,” he is saying. His cock finds its way to your entrance, wet with excitement. 

Slowly he pushes in. God you want to flutter your eyelids, tilt your head back and moan he is stretching you so beautifully. But you just smile, your hands gripping the stone railing. Once he is deep in, you both stand up a bit, testing it out. He is so long it actually works. 

“Fuck you are warm, Princess,” he begins to sway a little to the music. His arms around you as though he is keeping you warm when it is actually the other way around. 

He gives you tiny little thrusts that reseat him inside you but that look just like dancing. He is driving you batty with this teasing, and you love it.  All you can do is clench your pussy down on him.

You stay that way for a couple of songs. Austin in you, holding you. Your head laid back on his shoulder. Your hands laced into his. It’s the most private of public moments. It’s sweet and sexy. As he sways back and forth, he is subtly shifting, pressing his hips into you nearly involuntarily. After a bit, he lets himself slip out of you and tucks himself back into his pants. 

You make a little sad mewling sound that you assume he doesn’t hear. But he does see the slight pout on your face that goes with it. 

“Wait ‘till I get you home,” he whispers in your ear, “I might just ruin that skirt.”  He gives you a little smile and a lift of his eyebrow before taking you back inside by the hand. 

You stayed for another hour or so. All the way home his hand is on your exposed thigh, painting small circles and lines on your inner thighs, dragging his fingers up and resettling his palm higher. Periodically he drags his pinky next to your labia, drawing a tiny line of wetness away and your breath from your body.  

You two don’t talk, he just drives and you just watch him. He is so damn beautiful, it makes you ache. Your fingers trace over the skin of his hand and wrist. Thoughts of his soon to be naked body on yours, his hands touching more than just your thigh, his scrumptious lips any and everywhere. These keep you licking and biting your lip. The sexual tension in the car is practically gelatinous by the time he pulls into the driveway.  

He parks a little haphazardly in the garage, gets out of the car and slams the door. Suddenly you are slightly worried that he might be mad, at what you don’t know. He whips open your door and offers you his trembling hand, nostrils flaring. 

“Austin, I -” he cuts you off short with a held up finger, tight lips and sizzling eyes that glance up and down your body. Oh… this is him trying to hold onto control…. Oh… oh my.

Without uttering a word, he pulls you with long strides through to the backyard.. 

Once you are next to the saltwater pool, by the patio table, he turns around abruptly to you. Shaking hands frame your face. 

“We started this outside, we’re finishing it outside,” he growls. 

You just nod, you are more turned on than you thought possible by his passionate fierceness. 

His lips take yours, his tongue insistent in your mouth.  

Your fingers are undoing the buttons on his dark blue button-down. His own do the same to the pearls on your blouse. You run your fingers in the hollow between his pecs, feeling the sprinkling of blonde hairs there. You kiss down his neck and chest to his nipples as his hands partially untuck your blouse. Your tongue plays with his nipple, thumb rubbing across the other,  as his fingers deftly undo the clasp of your bra.  You moan in pleasure against his skin as his hands rub along the skin of your bra line and cup your breasts.

“I love those fucking sounds,” he says low and intense. 

You look up at him, a whimper escapes you unbidden. He is towering over you in his heeled boots. The relative dark of the night casting shadows across his face. His fucking perfect face. 

He sits down on the edge of one of the patio chairs and pulls you forcibly between his legs. He doesn't bother to take your top all the way off, just pushes your loose bra up off your tits as he grasps them. 

His breath sounds a  deep, appreciative ‘ohhhh’ as he looks at your bountiful chest in his hands. Your roles reverse, as he raises his eyes to you now from below; lustful and libidinous. 

“These gorgeous tits have been teasing me all night long,” his voice is thick with desire,”Every time I looked at you, I wanted to rip your neckline open and suck on them.”

Then his mouth is wide on one breast, taking as much of your nipple and areola into his mouth as he can, his tongue lolling against you. 

Your fingers rake through his hair and drape around his neck. 

He pulls off with a low pop. His hand rolls your tightening, wet nub in his palm as he sucks the other side. 

Soft ‘ohhs’ and moans escape with your breath.  

He switches back and forth, flicking his tongue against your nipples one time, then sucking harder the next. Each new sensation sends new little jets of pleasure shooting from your tits to your pelvis and pushes more little moans from your mouth. You can feel your juices bubble from your pussy, lubing your inner thighs. 

He locks his wild eyes with yours and unzips the skirt slowly. It’s as though taking his time is the only way to control himself, to keep him from tearing it off you.  You assume he’s gonna slip it off, but instead, he turns it front to back again, leaving it undone this time so it rides high, your ass exposed. 

Even in the fervor of his desire, he raises an inquiring eyebrow up at you. 

“Yes,” you breathe out, nodding. Yes for what? You don’t know and you don’t care as long as it involves him. Austin can do anything he likes to you.

Abruptly you are bent over the patio table, the porcelain tile cool on your exposed breasts. You don’t remember him standing up. You hear the zipper of his fly. You arch your ass back and look invitingly over your shoulder at him. 

“Oh god Princess, I’ve needed you since the balcony,” his shirt hangs open between the edges of his suit jacket, framing his lean torso. His hand is in his boxers, pulling his cock out.

“Do it, my Austin,” you say back, just as needy.

He rubs his tip against your folds. 

“Oh my god you are so fucking wet,” he moans, brow knit together. He pushes his hardness deep in between your wet inner thighs, his tip against your clit. You smile as your thighs squeeze together. Yielding, for the moment to his deep hunger, he thrusts fast and sharp between your legs. Vocalizing in grunts. He quickly pulls away after a dozen or so, breathing through his mouth as though to control himself. 

You step your legs apart. Your ass is perfectly framed by the slit in your skirt. It’s what he has wanted since he saw you in the store last weekend. You shake your ass a little, inviting him to delve into you. 

He does. 

Soft open sounds lilt from him as he pushes in slow. In, in, in, as far as he can. His hips are smashed against your ass. FUCK he feels so damn good in you. Right at the end he gives a little extra thrust. You squeak, jerking a little against the table.  Then out  just as slow, both of you savoring every centimeter of contact. 

Once he is in deep again, he leans over your back,  unsteady fingers brush your hair aside and over your shoulder.

“You are so incredible, my gorgeous night goddess.” He pulls your chin around, your spine twisting to look at him. “Making me want you all night long in this slutty- little- skirt.” He stresses the last three words with thrusts.  His mouth is on yours as he pulls out half way and pushes in again with a little grunt before letting up. “You don’t know how much will power it took to just be in you earlier and not fuck you.” His left arm wraps around your shoulder. His hand splays over your sternum then pulls you more upright. His forefinger strokes lightly at the hollow of your throat. “I’m going to fuck you now though, hard.” 

You are caught like a fly in a web, a wet and willing sacrifice to his appetite.  

“Do you remember your word, Princess?” his voice sounds deliciously dangerous. 

You nod, not that you’ll need it. One hand wraps around his wrist, the other spreads on the cool porcelain. 

“Fuck me,” you say demandingly. You’ve needed him too, walking around with a wet pussy all night, making nice with industry people when all you wanted was a private spot and Austin.  

You can’t see the deviant smile that spreads across his face, but can hear it in his sinful chuckle. 

Then he is pounding into you from behind, pulling you onto him as much as he is fucking into you. It’s hard, it’s fast, it’s so wickedly good. Your tits are bouncing up and down. You give yourself over, completely at the mercy of his carnal desire, not anticipating an orgasm in this position.

“Oh fuck yes, so good, so tight, so mine,” his teeth are clenched next to your ear. 

His words make your head tilt back, mouth open, eyes closed. ‘His’.

His right hand dives between your legs, his thrusting motion giving rise to the perfect friction between the pads of his fingers and your soaked clit. 

You clench down on his cock. 

The squelchy wet sounds and the slap of his hips onto your ass make your closed eyelids flutter and an unexpected tightening starts in your pelvis. Not to mention his grunting ahhhs and groaning ohhhh’s  reverberating in your ear. “Yes, yes, fuck me hard, Austin,” you hear yourself almost whining. 

 He is, he does and he keeps doing it.

“Fuck yeah, That’s it,” he moans as he feels you get wetter as you get closer.

“Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah,” you chant as your fingers tighten on his arm. 

“That’s my girl,” he seethes in your ear, “Fuckin’ cream my cock baby, I need it, I want it all over me.” 

That’s it, the trigger, the button in this dirty little scene. You tighten, you shake , you cum screaming, knees buckling. You are held in the carnal web by his strong arm, impaled on his glorious cock. 

“OH yes, fuck fuck  FUUUUUCK!” he thrusts deep into you as you cum, filling you with his. 

You both are bent over the table, panting, his arms on either side of you holding himself up. After a minute of catching your collective breath,  you start giggling. You are just so high as he pulls out of you, dripping cum You turn around in his arms. His mouth is curled up in a smile. 

“What?” he giggles back. 

“I’m just…. happy… I’m happy,” you say more to yourself than him, “I’m so happy and so in love with you.” 

….

At a little lunch spot the next day, you deliberately order just what you’ll eat, no leftovers thank you very much. This kinda throws Austin off and he already seems pretty nervous. After you guys eat, Austin grabs your hands across the table and looks you in the eye. 

“Ok Princess, I’ve been thinking about it, and I have two , no three things to tell you.. Well… ask you. I’m hoping at least one of these will sway you.” 

You look at him a little confused. 

“About coming to live with me, that is,” he clarifies.

“Oh, ok,” your heart is about to burst, ‘please let this be good, please let it be enough,’ you think to yourself. 

“First is, in a couple weeks I am going to go shoot a small project. It's only gonna be less than a month, but I want you to come with me. I’d love your support and honestly, I don’t think I can go that long without seeing you,” he stops and looks at you hopefully. 

You are all in to go anywhere with him, but you were hoping for something more grand than this. Even if he got you a small acting role in the project that would be something. 

“Of course I’ll come,” is all you say.

“Ok, good. Second, and please don’t be mad at me,” he puts his hands out in supplication, ”I took the liberty of sending your tape to a couple people. They liked you and they want to see you, so, if you are willing, you have some call-back zoom calls on Monday.” He presses his lips together, eyes big and hopeful. 

“Oh wow,” you whisper, “really?” 

He nods. 

“Are you upset?” 

“What? No! No! That’s amazing! Of course  I”ll do the calls!” This was better, using connections to actually help you get your foot in the door. 

“And finally, I don’t just want to take care of you, I want you to be able to take care of yourself. So I’m offering you this, in your name.”  He hands you three flyers. They are houses for sale, two in Santa Monica, one in Brentwood, “I know how you like choices. So you get to choose and once you pick one, you can consider it your backup security. All three are awesome and ready to rent out.   We have appointments with my realtor buddy this afternoon.” His lip shakes, hoping to god you’ll like it, that it’s enough. 

You are floored, you expected… anything other than this. Even a wedding ring was more likely in your mind than a house. A place that was yours, that you could rent out or you could live there if, god forbid, something went wrong? Plus the possibility of an acting job on TOP of that? Your practical mind is chewing it over quickly, trying to find a loophole. Staying with Austin, having an income, owning a home, being loved like you’ve never been loved before. 

You are standing up, wait... when did you do that? 

“Austin, take me back home, right now,” you say in a sort of shocked voice. 

He’s stricken and confused. “But Princess, don’t you see. It would be in your name, yours free and clear.  You can rent it out as an income stream, and it’s…. it’s … yours… and  jobs and security. You’re safe…with me. Please,” his voice fades, eyes pleading with you.

You blink as he talks, yes you understand… why is he…?

“No,” you say assuredly, you see his heart drop in his chest. Oh shit, you are making a mess of this.  You shake your head to clear it. 

“No, no,  I mean home. Take me home to our house. I need to make love to you right now because you are amazing. Austin, you are my Fantasy come True, I am all in from this second on. I will never leave you, never stray, always be here for you and will treat you like my King and I know now that you will always treat me like your Queen. I love you so much I may burst.” 

You don’t really remember the drive home.

Austin barely makes it into the driveway before he throws the car in park and runs to open your door. He reaches into his pocket and hands you a set of keys and ushers you to the front door. When you unlock the door, he swoops you up and carries you inside. Jesus his muscles aren’t just for show. 

He sets you on the stairs. 

“We can change anything you want, Princess. This is your castle too now. If you want a room to be yours for things or if you need something special, let’s do it.” “Austin, my love, the only thing I want right now is you.” 

He kisses you into oblivion. You practically rip his clothes off in the foyer. He lets you.

You don’t even make it to the bedroom or the couch for that matter. He takes you right there on the stairs, with the front door wide open. He is sweet and loving, his hips moving like a dolphin on the water against your own.

You keep repeating “My Austin, my love,” while looking into his ocean eyes.  It’s slow and sensual and it means everything to you. 

….

Austin takes you to the apartment you had shared with your partner,  to get your things the next day. You tell  Austin he had better wait in the car. He is unhappy about it, leaning against the hood, watching intently, worried for your safety. Thank god you had thought about this already. You walk in, with boxes. Your partner is sucked into his game. 

“Damit, I thought you’d be longer, I'm at a good part,” he says. He hates when you interrupt his gaming. Well, he won’t have to worry about that anymore. 

You drop an InNOut Burger bag next to him. He pauses his game, looks at you and snatches it up. “Is that it? Didn’t Auuuustin take you somewhere better?” he smirks, opening the bag. 

You decide not to answer as he goes back to his game, stuffing the burger in his mouth. You just start packing and see if he’ll notice. You get your clothes  and the box in the closet that might as well be a shrine to your mom. A few of your favorite little items around the house. You carry them out to the landing, Austin is there, unable to stay away, and wordlessly starts taking them to the car. 

“Finally getting rid of your junk?” your partner says as you walk back in for the last box. 

“No, I’m leaving,” you say calmly, turning towards the door. I mean, in a way you ARE getting rid of your junk.

“What?” he says, looking in the closet at your empty half. “Oh, are you?” his voice is dripping with animosity. “Ok sure, go, you’ll be back before nightfall. You’ll never be able to survive the big bad world.” He follows you out the door, mocking you.  “What, do you think you’ll actually meet Austin Butler and he’ll save you? Ha!” 

Austin steps up from the landing to take the box from you. He looks menacingly at your former partner, but says nothing. 

“Yes, yes he has,” you say, turning back. 

“What, did you hire a look-a-like or something?” he can’t quite wrap his head around what he is seeing. “That is pathetic, Ok you made your point, get back in here and I’ll forgive you.” 

“No, it really is me and no, I don’t believe she will,” Austin says quietly, gripping the box, his knuckles going white.  

“I told you, you never believed me,” you shrug, “in fact you actually never listened to anything I had to say unless it was about whatever thing you were fixated on at the time. I told you I needed romance, that I needed to be loved hard, loved fully, loved lovingly.”

“And you think he loves you?” he says incredulously. 

“Yeah,” Austin's voice reverberates behind you, “cuz he does.”

Your hand reaches out to touch Austin in an effort to both calm him and say ‘don’t worry, I got this’. Besides, there are  things  that you’ve been waiting far too long  to say out loud. 

“Yes, he does.” you repeat, taking a shaky breath. “I need someone who is willing to comfort me and who actually finds joy in making me feel better, and to feel good about myself.  Even you have said that you thought Austin would be a better partner for me than you are. Now you can take comfort in the fact that you were right. Austin cares about my feelings and what’s on my mind. He WANTS me, all of me and he loves when I shine.“ 

You smile, realizing how easy this actually is. You had been dreading the end for so long, avoiding even thinking about it. Placating your partner time and time again in fear of it, under his threat of it. But now that it’s here, it’s so simple.  

“I told you I needed these things and you just didn’t deliver. I realize now that you can’t deliver. So I’m done with your narcissism, with your supposed demons, with your total lack of empathy. I truly hope that you figure out how to be happy. But it’s not my job anymore. Goodbye.” 

“You were shit at making me happy,“ he yells at you as you turn away, motioning Austin to leave. Austins holds his ground, practically growling at the words he hears. 

“Yeah” you look over your shoulder,” because only YOU can choose to make yourself happy. And I’m making MY choice now.”  Austin nods, glad you stood up for yourself, and turns. You follow Austin toward the gate. 

“You are delusional and worthless! She is worthless!!” he yells out the open door at you both.

Austin just can’t stand by and let him insult you like this. Just before the gate, he stops in front of you.  His back expands in a deep breath, he puts the box down in front of him very deliberately. He turns around, staring down your former partner. You trust Austin, but you are ready to intervene if needed. Your former partner takes a step back, seeing the look in Austin’s eyes. 

“She isn’t worthless,” his tone is even and metered. He refuses to be brought down to this man’s  level, “Just because you couldn't respect her enough to keep her doesn’t mean she is worthless. She is amazing. She deserves all the love, support, and kindness I can give her, which is a hell of a lot more than you’ve done for her.  You… you are just a sad man who refuses to choose help.” 

With that, he turns, picks up the box and walks away. You turn with him. 

You don’t look back. Ever. 

…..

Epilogue

Austin helped you get  your foot in the door of the Hollywood machine. It lead to several acting jobs and because of Austin, you got to pick and choose the ones that really spoke to you, the ones that challenged you. It wasn’t long after you had really settled into acting that Austin  asked for your input about a show that he was producing.  Once he heard your ideas, he offered you the position of co-producer. You ended up realizing that producing was also one of your passions. You liked being in charge and making decisions.  You had an eye for talent and a mind that handled money well. So you and Austin started producing things together. You loved working with him in any way. You still did a lot of acting as well, because it had wormed its way into your blood. 

When Austin proposed, he had rented a little villa in the south of France, with a beautiful view of the coast. He kept going on and on about how much he loved this place, how he needed to visit every year just to reset.  He had cooked up a marvelous meal, complete with a delicious and  proper dark chocolate mousse.

The first taste of that thick creaminess coating your taste buds was just right. The strong dark chocolate flavor, the subtle bitterness, the light sweetness, all really grabbed the attention of your slutty taste buds. Your eyes closed as you moaned and savored  it. 

Then Austin had a big spoonful in front of your mouth, nodding for you to take.  You wrapped your lips around the spoon as he opened his mouth, like feeding a baby. 

That was when you felt it, a hard…. Ring? 

You pulled it out of your mouth and looked up to see him on his knee next to the table. Holding another one in a blue box. He knows how much you like choices. 

"I love you so much more than I could ever begin to put into words, my Princess,” he had said, “I want to spend every single day of my life trying to show you how much, my darling. A lifetime with you will never be enough, but it's a start, my beautiful Angel."

You had cried. He had cried when you said yes. You made love to him then and there. There might have been some mousse involved. 

You had wanted to send your former partner an invitation to the wedding, wanting to be kind and thoughtful.  But Austin had pointed out that even though you felt like it was an olive branch, it seemed more like adding insult to injury. 

“I know that if my girl was stolen away by someone that could give her everything I couldn't,” rebutted Austin, “I’d be pissed to get a wedding invitation. I’d feel like they were rubbing it in my face. And I don’t want a scene at our wedding.” Austin and you discussed it a bit and eventually both of you agreed that it was best not to invite your former partner.

You honeymooned in Japan. He knew you had always wanted to go and booked a beautiful Ryokan with a private onsen.  The food was amazing, your slutty tastebuds were not disappointed. 

Your wedding gift to him was the Villa he had proposed in. You had bought it with the rental money from your house in Santa Monica that you had saved.  You didn’t need that kind of assurance anymore, you truly had all that you had ever wanted and more. 

Fin

I hope you have enjoyed Fantasy Come True. Thanks again to @purejasmine for the request and the massive amounts of input. Working with you and becoming your friend has been a joy. Thank you for trusting me.

<3 @FaeGoddessog

[lightpost]

If he ever finds this note out of 9 billion souls I'd be even more surprised but no I feel like I'm writing to a dead energy here, I hit the core and it's a dead end. I wake up and think about the past and get angry but then I don't understand why? the best gift is him away from me.. knowing I am makes me safe even though I do my art supplies and can't recover from missing a few family gifts my moms blanket those little things I may never have back but I have my life and I look at my room and maybe I do need to clean it and have a good day but it's hard when he beat me and did physical damage and my vein which he knew he still threw me on the kitchen floor he still beat me and yelled at me I was crying on the bathroom floor with period cramps and he was screaming at me calling me nasty names I swear he was about to kick me I knew I needed to leave he didn't care about my life at all he threw me against the wall and into tables over and over on repeat he choked me and even raped me one night. yes that man is evil. but I have one man who is from my past as well which is voice is angelic and pure heaven and he's been my saving grace see I try to move on I think I'm doing better want a relationship that's a normal thing heal from day to day things and after 10 years and 7 more of praying for me you think we'd have it figured out by now but we don't we never do. I am still letting go and holding on tight at the same time and it's a whip lash even I am not surviving haha but seriously in the head I see everything in the heart I feel whom my soul needs who it craves, who I really live for, survived all this for. I need more time to let this one really go. Maybe the next last relationship will find me on Halloween how spooky would that be. I think I need this summer to me, part of fall I want to myself too and see what can come when leaves start to fall? I did 5 things this week already that will chance my life in the next upcoming months I hope that's it worth it and takes me somewhere new with all this medical stuff and I lost another 5 pounds I'm angry I can't walk without wanting to collapse I am in so much pain but today lucky it's just in my hand and calf most of it my heart feels about 10 pounds I got pins and needles when I inhale the most around it my head instantly hurts all I want to do is cry scream and hate how my x treated me

I don't think you understand the level of abuse and the amount of life he was going to take from me, he was going for force me to have a kid, make me go insane either lock me away or kill me in his basement. He beat me for 8 hours and lies about it to everyone! yes he was going to kill me! fuck that's real and ptsd I survived a real monster.

[cyberthot666]

not trying to beat myself up over it too hard bc I just have not felt good all day today. I had to wake up early for a counseling and fill out a bunch of stupid paperwork and then go straight into work after pulling a double the night before and then my period starts after feeling crazy from pmsing the days leading up to it so I knew it was coming but nothing ever prepares me for the god damn cramps and pain killers at least the ones I take, which I don’t even like taking bc I don’t like popping any kind of pill, never work for me. & I left my weed pen at home bc I don’t have my medcard yet & don’t wanna risk it since I’m on probation. and then the customers just seemed especially stupid today. and the one coworker who will not shut up about the stupid fucking malt vinegar aioli like literally keeps throwing whole ass adult temper tantrums over a sauce. and pretty sure one of the chefs who is this hard ass 50 something year old man walked behind me right as I was scrolling and some account I follow posted whole entire ass. like lmfao. so fucking awkward. and it all just kept piling up. and luckily I got to go home early & I still got hours in but then my idiotic landlady has to question me over my car having a flat fucking tire like it’s any concern to her in any way. that just really pissed me off. like that’s weird to ride by my house at night like to survey it and be like OOH YOUR TIRE IS FLAT WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING TO FIX THIS. like fuck off. I like my job and I get it isn’t ideal to some but I work hard & it is stressful & physically exhausting but it has also been extremely rewarding compared to any other job I’ve had so I’m grateful for that but it’s like god damn give me a fucking break a flat tire on a car I haven’t drove in over 8 months because I have a FUCKING DUI is the least of my concerns but I’m not about to tell her ass that. she’s just old as shit and so out of touch with reality and has nothing better to do than gripe about how supposedly ungrateful my generation is as if she’s not making an entire income off of ME. and she does nothing. and I work multiple jobs to get by and she gets my money just bc she owns the one place I can afford. I am half way through getting all this legal bullshit figured out because some ass backwards florida cop needed to meet his quota one night and now I barely have the freedom to do anything but WORK. and I have been as financially independent as possible ever since I dropped out of college & moved down here but I have also struggled financially that entire time. and I have also been TRYING so fucking hard all this time. while dealing with my mental health on my own as I have been doing my entire fucking life. while trying to heal from all the chaos that has caused me all throughout my adult years that are still really just beginning. and this is all just scraping the surface. so if SOMEONE COULD JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK.

[queridopascal]

congrats on your amazing milestone!!

for the prompts, could we please get “i didn’t think you were into that” and “does that hurt?” with marcus moreno? i was thinking some super soft period sex where marcus helps the reader with her cramps 💛 thank you!!

Thank you lovely, I hope you like this 💜

Pairing: Marcus Moreno x F!Reader

Warning: 18+, explicit content, SMUT, fingering, period sex, unprotected sex (p in v), fluff

8. “i didn’t think you were into that.”

35. “does that hurt?”

The second day of your period is always the worst in terms of cramps; the unbearable ache in your lower abdomen forces you to spend hours lying in bed, making you hiss every once in a while as contraction-like pain shoots through your insides.

“Let me help you.” his soft, gentle voice grazes your ears when he lays down beside you, one hand resting on your abdomen, the other caressing your hair.

You want to open your mouth to protest, but his presence is so warm and comforting, and the moment his right hand sneaks past the hem of your leggings and into your panties, all coherent thoughts leave your mind in an instant.

“M—Marcus,” you whimper, closing your eyes when his middle finger slides through your incredibly warm and slick folds, “what are you doing?”

“Shhh,” he murmurs as he kisses your forehead. “relax, baby.”

You let your head fall back into the pillow as he starts to tease you, moving his middle finger up and down your slit, stopping at the dip of your entrance. He works you like that for a few minutes, peppering your face and lips with sweet kisses in the meantime, and when he pushes his finger inside of you, your mouth opens with a silent cry.

“I know, baby. I know.” he nods as he looks down at you with heavy lidded eyes, marveling at how beautiful and sated you already look.

He moves his finger slowly, the squelch of your slick pussy is lewd and obscene, but only spurs him on; you whine, twice, and he loves to ear it, he loves how needy you sound right now.

“You’re so warm, baby.” he groans in appreciation as he stares at his hand, buried in between your thighs. “So tight.”

You can’t find the words to express how you feel, you can only blink up at him, mouth agape as it spills out soft, sweet moans.

Marcus scoots even closer, his painfully hard cock rests against your hip as he fucks you with his fingers; he’s now thrusting two of them inside of your cunt, deep and fast, and pleasure starts to build low in your belly. You’re so sensitive and tender all over that the feeling has your breath hitching in your throat and eyes rolling back, letting Marcus take complete control of you, body and soul.

“I — I...” it’s everything your brain and mouth can muster right before your orgasm hits you. It’s different than any other orgasm you’ve had before, every sensation is amplified, embedded into your bones.

“That’s it, baby.” he murmurs, letting his forehead fall against your own as he works you through it until your breathing evens out.

You look up at him, your gaze heavy with bliss, and he smiles at you. “Better now?”

“Yeah, I... think so.” you say, slightly embarrassed when you notice his fingers covered with a mix of blood and slick.

“Good.” he nods before kissing you on the lips. “I was thinking that maybe we could try... you know...”

You raise your eyebrows and cock your head to the side at his suggestion. “Are you sure, Marcus?”

“I’m sure.” he nods solemnly.

You take a deep, shaky breath. “Okay, yeah. We — we can try.”

Marcus looks at you again, giving you one last chance to back down, but when you tug at his t-shirt and pull him in for a kiss, he immediately shifts his position on the bed, moving to hover over you with his whole body, broad and strong.

He palms himself through his boxer briefs, and he groans when your hand slides under his t-shirt, making contact with the warm skin of his abdomen.

You let your fingers tap their way down until you hook them in the waistband of his underwear and push them down, letting his aching cock spring free; there’s precum beaded at the tip, and he gasps when you press the pad of your thumb on the drop and spread it over the head with small circles.

Marcus hisses, his cock throbbing in your hand. He pulls away from you to remove his boxers, then he helps you out of your leggings and panties, letting them fall to the floor.

“Wanna be inside you, baby.” he murmurs as he positions himself at your entrance, feeling how hot you are and wondering how good you would feel around him.

“Marcus,” you whimper. So impatient, but you don’t even have to worry about the bedsheets since you always put a towel on your half of the bed when you are on your period.

He takes himself in hand and guides his cock inside of you, and when your slick walls wrap around him, he shudders and groans, stopping because he can barely control himself; you feel good, too good. You’re warm, and slick, and tight, and it’s almost too much.

“Baby,” he moans when he adjusts to the feeling, “fuck — you feel amazing like this. Does that hurt?”

You shake your head at his question. Fuck, he feels amazing too, he feels much thicker and bigger, and maybe it’s because you’re oversensitive and a bit sore, but the sensation is divine. Heavenly.

He starts to move, thrusting himself in to the hilt before stopping again to admire you: your half-closed eyes, your parted lips, your t-shirt, bunched up around your waist, your soft thighs spread open for him: you look like a goddess.

“Please, baby.” you plea, and Marcus shakes himself out of the trance upon hearing your voice.

Slowly, he pulls out of you, keeping his gaze fixed where your bodies join, and the groan he lets out when he sees his cock covered in red streaks is one of the filthiest, most erotic sounds that you have ever heard.

He shudders again as he slides himself back inside of you, pushing your legs back to start thrusting lazily. You can feel him impossibly deeper, you can feel his cock drag against your sensitive walls, you can feel him throb within you.

“I’m not — not gonna last.” he warns you as he throws his head back, already overwhelmed by pleasure.

“It’s okay.” you reassure him as you grab onto his forearm. “This feels so good already, baby.”

He knows you won’t lie to him, but he wants to make you cum again, wants to relieve your pain. So he starts to pick up pace, building up a steady rhythm that has you both losing yourselves in a matter of seconds.

Soon, the room gets filled with the most indecent sounds: his balls slapping against your slick, the squelch of his cock as it buries into your gushing cunt over and over again, your sweet moans, his grunts. It’s all so utterly filthy.

After a dozen more thrusts, Marcus stills, hands squeezing at your hips as he empties himself inside of you; the warm rush of his cum paints your walls and triggers your own ecstasy, making you arch your back with a chocked cry of his name.

Your temples pulse, your legs tremble, and your vision blurs for an instant before you regain yourself. When everything comes into focus again, Marcus is staring down at you with a smirk.

“I didn’t think you were into that.” you say with a cheeky smile.

He tilts his head down and kisses you deeply, taking his time in tasting your mouth. “I’ve read that orgasms can help with period cramps. Wanted to see if that theory had any scientific back up.”

You shake your head with a chuckle at his confession. “You’re a dork. But I love you.”

Marcus laughs and kisses you again. “I love you, too.”

[adorethedistance]

9 P.M. - Alive!Luke Patterson x Reader Modern Day!AU

JATP masterlist

Warnings: swearing, mentions of suicide, painful breakup, and angst.

Words: 1991

Summary: Luke breaking up with you made your world stop turning, and when it finally starts moving again after four long months, Luke is back in typical agitator fashion.

A/N: Not requested, and I wrote this in about two hours so bear that in mind. I’ve been toying with an angst idea for a little bit now, and because all of my requests rn are fluff, I decided why not give Luke a little love since it’s been a minute since my last Luke fic. This isn’t proofread so proceed with caution.

“What are you doing here, Luke?” Dana’s voice cuts clear over the mindless chatter in the busy diner. She tucks a stack of menus under her arm to brush a loose strand of sandy blonde hair out of her face.

“I’m here to talk to Y/n. She isn’t returning my calls and she only has her phone on silent when she’s working.”

A solid four months ago, Luke Patterson had broken Y/n Y/l/n’s heart into a couple billion pieces in this very diner. After Luke requested to meet up as soon as possible, Y/n told him she’d be clocking out for the night around 9 PM, and true to his previous request Luke had arrived at 9 on the dot. He considered taking her to his car for more privacy but in fear of forgetting his long, crafted speech, he opted for a secluded booth in the very back corner of her diner.

He still remembers the evening, clear as day. They sat down across from one another on the red vinyl seats with nervous tension exponentially rising between them. He remembers the way she ruffled her loose hair after having it pulled back for an 8-hour shift. He remembers the way she rested her right ankle on her left knee to massage away the calf pain from 8 hours of waiting tables. And he remembers the way her warm smile disappeared after he uttered the words “I think we should break up.”

Y/n was so shocked she couldn’t respond. Everything seemed to be going well between them. They had said their first ‘I love you’s and she had even opened up to the possibility of giving him her virginity. And here he was, a mere week later, claiming that he had fallen out of love with her over the span of a month.

Tears clouded her vision. She was quick to wipe them away before they fell, something Luke noticed that she only did when she was crying out of anger. With her normal sadness or even stress she just lets her emotions run their course. But the anger swelling inside of her at that moment, she so desperately wanted to hide. As a result, she brushed them away. She bit her tongue. She saved face, not wanting to let Luke know just how much he had hurt her.

Luke expected a full-on interrogation. He knew Y/n’s mind was one of insatiable curiosity and she had to have at least a million questions. However, if she did, she didn’t show it. The only question she asked, “Is this really what you want?” Her voice was steady, but Luke knew how badly she wanted to tear him apart, to ravage him right then and there. But after losing such a huge part of herself, Luke, she held onto her dignity so tight it nearly crumbled into dust and blew out of her clenched fingers. Without asking for any more information, she slipped out of the booth and hurried to her car as fast as her walk could take her.

At the time, Luke felt guilty for making her cry. Now he feels guilty for ever having let her believe she wasn’t good enough for him. The only problem is she wouldn’t give him the chance. And her best friend, Dana, didn’t seem like she would give him one either.

“Well, she’s not here. Have you ever considered she’s not returning your calls when she’s off of work, too?”

“Dana, I need to talk to her-”

“What could you possibly have left to say, Luke? Whatever you said to her that night broke her, it absolutely destroyed her. She hasn’t been the same since.” Luke had no trouble believing that was true, which is why it hurt so bad to hear, granted it didn’t hurt as bad as how Y/n felt that night.

“What? No- I-I really need to talk to her.”

“You really don’t.”

“I have to get her back, Dana!” A tornado of shock and anger consumes Dana to the point where all she can do is let out a bitter laugh. The look in Luke’s eyes indicates how hurt he is by her laughter, and Dana’s desire for vengeance has never been so strong. So, she continues to tell the truth. The ferocious, unabridged, hurtful truth,

“You don’t deserve a second chance. You don’t even deserve an attempt at a second chance. Knowing her, Y/n would never tell you this, but I will: you fucked up so bad, you made her almost make the biggest mistake of her life.”

“What?” Luke almost hesitates to ask, knowing he won’t like the answer.

“That night, she came to my place and cried so hard for three hours before she could even get a coherent word out. She stayed with me for three days and, had my shift not ended early that Tuesday, she wouldn’t be alive today.” The dumbstruck look on Luke’s face is only more motivation for Dana to twist the knife, “She almost didn’t survive losing you, Luke. And god forbid she gives you a second chance because she won’t survive losing you again.”

The diner is just crowded enough that no one is paying the two of them any mind as they faceoff by the hostess stand. Dana spent four long months consoling her best friend back to life, and she was not about to let Luke destroy all the hard work Y/n had put into healing.

“I can make this right.”

“How could you possibly make this right?”

“I know more now than I did before. I’ve changed!”

“So has she.” Dana’s biting words render Luke speechless. Once she realizes her work here is done, she continues setting up tables as they’re disinfected.

__________________________

Luke’s conversation with Dana in the diner left him shellshocked, but it also lit a fire under his ass that he needed to move forward. Rather than discouraging him, Dana’s words gave him a greater incentive to win her back: proof that he was willing to do what he said he would. At least, that’s what Luke told himself. Rather than stepping into the future with greater clarity, Luke went into the world with confidence so large and blinding, his actions may sabotage his true intentions.

That’s how he found himself so determined to win Y/n back. And that’s how he found himself face to face with the front door of her home. It’s 9 PM, just early enough to where she’d be home for the day, just early enough to where she wouldn’t be asleep, and hauntingly just the exact time he had broken her heart all those months ago. Before giving his conviction a chance to back out, he was raising a steady hand to ring the doorbell of her residence.

Y/n opened the door without much thought, expecting a food delivery; she was drastically off-put by Luke’s presence at her doorstep this late.

“Oh.” Was the only response manageable for the tired waitress.

“Hi. Can we talk?”

There it was. The phrase that was a paradoxical toss-up regarding her emotional state. Half of her has been waiting for this day for so long, dreaming of the boyfriend she once knew to come genuinely heartbroken and remorseful to win her back. The other half was terrified of this impending day as she realized she wasn’t nearly as emotionally strong enough to handle the situation as she thought. 

‘Oh’ was the only response manageable for the tired waitress.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Please just give me five minutes and if you never want to hear from me for the rest of your life, I’ll never bother you again,” he rushes out, knowing his time is finite. For what short period of time he thought it over, Luke always imagined pouring his heart out on her front doorstep. That’s why her silent sidestep and opening of the door caught him so off guard. He hadn’t anticipated her to actually give him a decent chance. Why would she? He broke up with her in the very diner she works in full time and crushed her heart so completely, the only things left behind had to be contempt and resentment.

Luke crossed the threshold of her small, cramped LA home with his heart on his sleeve. Reluctantly closing the door behind him, Y/n walks to her living room and sits on the couch amidst a mess of popcorn, her favorite chocolates, used tissues, and a bottle of Advil. The night Luke broke up with Y/n was four months ago and she’s still spending her Friday nights alone crying on her couch with a rom-com on the tv. A sharp pang of guilt cuts through Luke’s chest like a machete and his previous confidence completely dissipates into sadness. Though, he can’t tell if it’s actually remorse or just general pity.

“What did you want to talk about?” Y/n asks as if she doesn’t know what conversation they’re about to have. Luke takes a deep breath to prepare himself as best as he can before explaining what’s been on his mind.

“I am so sorry, Y/n.” His hopes for any sort of reaction are crushed once her blank stare doesn’t waver. In spite of everything that’s happened thus far, this is the moment Luke realizes this would be a lot more difficult than he anticipated. “That night, you asked if taking a break from… us was what I really wanted.”

“I remember.”

“I said yes and you left right after that. I know you’ve blocked my socials, but you haven’t blocked my calls, you just don’t answer. I’m sure you’ve got to be interested in why, you’re a very curious person.”

Luke wasn’t wrong there, Y/n had been wondering why. She had been wondering why since the words left his mouth that night, but she repressed that curiosity. She repressed it because she knew that whatever the answer was, it didn’t make any difference. Luke wasn’t hers to have anymore and that was what really mattered.

“I did it because I thought I was falling out of love with you.”

“You thought?”

“I wasn’t actually falling out of love with you.”

“You weren’t?”

“No.”

“Then why’d you break it off?”

“I thought I was falling out of love with you but really my attraction was just changing. Instead of just spontaneous and passionate and exciting, I began to see our relationship as comforting and secure as well as those other things. I thought my comfortability was falling out of love, but really, I was falling in love. I was no longer just super infatuated with you, I was in love with you. Genuine love.”

“Luke…” Y/n trails off. She has no real idea of what it is she’s thinking so she opts to let Luke continue until she can figure it out.

“I love you, Y/n. And I broke things off because, before you, I didn’t understand love. Hell, with you I didn’t understand it was love, but now I do! I love you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“So, what does this all mean?” Luke draws in a nervous breath, identical to the one he used to soothe his nerves as he stepped into the all-too-familiar house.

“I know I don’t deserve it because of what I put you through… but all I’m asking is for a chance to prove that I really do love you.” The looking shimmering across Y/n’s eyes tells Luke how her thoughts are running wild. She’s experiencing a new train of thought at a mile a minute and it terrifies both of them.

“You hurt me, Luke. And I want to hate you so much for everything that you put me through, but I don’t, and I hate myself for that. But, I’m sorry. I can’t give you a second chance.”

***

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[hangovercurse]

Once a Month

Colson doesn’t understand why you’re acting so strange, so you have to explain that your monthly visitor has arrived.

Request: “Hi, I love your writing! If you want to write something like that, I have a suggestion: Not to be mean but I think Colson can be really dumb/ignorant about stuff that doesn’t concern him. Idk maybe hes in a relationship with the reader and doesn’t understand stuff that comes with being a women, either period stuff or body hair stuff idk? And he hurts her with commenting about it without noticing? And please fluff in the end where he gets educated”

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, fighting, talking about periods, a single sexual reference

A/N: I don’t know how this got so long...

Word Count: 2945

Having a vagina really fucking sucks sometimes. Specifically, for one week a month, when your body decided it needed to bleed out of said vagina for a whole week. No period was easy, and yours was no exception. But getting your period while living in a house with a bunch of guys, who all had dicks, was a nightmare. It seemed like no one knew what you were going through physically and emotionally. You had been on Depo-Provera since you met Colson, so you had never been on your period around him. But your doctor decided to take you off of it because your bone mineral content was getting too low. So here you were, 6 months later, and getting your first period post- birth control.

You had a more hormonal period, meaning you were constantly jumping from one mood to another. Today was your third day, and you wanted to rip your uterus out. You were sitting on the couch, curled up next to Colson as a movie played on the TV. Your cramps were killing you, so you weren’t really paying attention to anything that was happening.

You heard someone say something about a club, and you assumed they were suggesting going to a club, even though they went last night, and the night before, and the night before. And normally you would be down for clubbing with your boyfriend and your friends, but today the stabbing pain in your abdomen told you “no,” just as it had for the past few days.

All the guys had agreed, their eyes landing on you and waiting for a response. “Uh, I’m not really feeling it tonight, guys.”

Colson rolled his eyes, “you haven’t been feeling it all week.” He complained and you frowned.

“I just don’t want to go tonight.” You mumbled, a little angry that he would start an argument in front of all the guys.

“Why do you have to be such a buzzkill?” He complained, the arm that was previously wrapped around you pulled away. “You’ve been in a shitty mood all week, it’s fucking annoying.”

You bit your lip, feeling tears biting at your eyes. You weren’t sure if you were upset or angry, or both. But you knew it wouldn’t be pretty to keep this conversation going. “Whatever, have fun.” You scoffed, the anger taking over. You rolled your eyes and stood up, walking to yours and Colson’s shared bedroom. You made it just past the doorway when the tears started rolling down your face.

You closed the door behind you and shut the light off before trying to muffle your cries with the sleeve of Colson’s shirt that you were wearing. You laid down on the bed, facing away from the door in an almost fetal position. The tears didn’t stop, and all you could focus on was Colson’s anger towards you. Why couldn’t you just be a good girlfriend and go with him? Why did you have to be a buzzkill?

You heard the garage open and shut, signaling that the group had left for the club. He’s probably going to find a girl to hook up with tonight. Your brain told you, making you cry even harder.

And then you felt guilty for thinking that. Wow, you really think so low of Colson that you think he’d cheat on you. You really are the world’s worst girlfriend.

Every thought spiraled into another, until you decided to watch TV to distract yourself. It worked pretty well, your period head being happy from the dopamine you got while watching The Good Place. But, like all good things, your happy mood came to an end when you heard the garage door open hours later.

You looked at your phone, realizing it was already 3am. You had hoped to be asleep when Colson got home, but you hadn’t managed to drift off to sleep, probably because you’d taken a nap at 2pm earlier. You sighed, preparing for the mess that was about to come through the door.

And like you had summoned him; Colson came stumbling through the door of your bedroom. “Why are you still awake?” He grumbled, stripping his shirt off.

You shrugged, pausing Chidi’s rant about the ethics of truth. “Couldn’t sleep.” Colson sat on the edge of his side of the bed, tattooed back facing you, typing on his phone. The smell of alcohol and weed coming from him made you feel queasy. “You should take a shower.”

Colson stood back up, throwing his phone on the nightstand, and taking off his jeans. “I’ll take one in the morning.” You shut the TV off, laying down fully in the bed to face your boyfriend. He pulled the comforter back, climbing into the bed beside you and pulling you into his arms.

You pushed him away, the smell even worse now. Colson tsked at you, glaring at you as you scrunched your nose up in disgust. “What the fuck is your problem?” You rolled onto your side, your back facing him. “Is this because I called you a buzzkill earlier? It’s not that serious.” He rolled his eyes, even though you couldn’t see him, and flipped onto his back.

“It’s not but thanks for bringing it up.” You mumbled, still turned away from him. Your mind wandered back to the conversation earlier in the evening, and you got upset about it all over again.

Colson sighed, his hands moving to rub his face. “Then please, tell me what I did this time.” He sat up, flicking on the lamp beside him to light up the room. You groaned, burying your head into your pillow.

“You just smell.” You mumbled into the fabric.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He mumbled to himself, but you still heard it, “You’re mad at me because I smell?”

You let out an annoyed sigh, “I’m not mad at you, I just can’t stand the smell of you right now. It’s making me sick.” You could feel his temper rising even though you couldn’t see him. The feeling made you want to cry.

“Seriously, Y/N? What the fuck is up with you lately? You’ve been acting like a bitch all week.” Now that did make you cry. You sat up, grabbing your pillow and your phone and standing up, walking towards the door. “Where are you going?” Colson asked, more annoyed then concerned.

Colson couldn’t see your face, but he could hear your sniffle as you opened the closet and pulled down an extra blanket. “I’m sleeping on the couch.” You continued your trek to the door, pausing as your hand touched the handle, “Sorry for being such a shitty girlfriend.” You muttered, opening the door and leaving the room.

You threw the pillow onto the couch, laying down and pulling the blanket over you.  Your hand came up to your mouth as you muffled your sobs again, hoping no one else in the house could hear you. Colson sat in his bed, staring at the door that you just left through with a confused expression. You’d gotten into worse fights before and you hadn’t cried then, what was so different now?

He threw his head back onto the bed, a frustrated groan leaving his mouth. He was in no state to convince you back to bed, and he knew you wouldn’t listen to him anyways, so he turned the lamp off and tried to go to sleep.

 You woke up at 7 the next morning due to your cramps feeling like someone was stabbing you from inside your body. You knew you wouldn’t go back to sleep, and the pain was intense, but the only anti-inflammatory medication in the house was in yours and Colson’s bathroom, which meant you would have to go through the room to get it. And you were very determined to not go in there, assuming he was probably still mad at you. You didn’t think you could handle him yelling at you again.

But after an hour and a half of trying to distract yourself with your phone, you felt like you were gonna throw up if you didn’t take any meds. So, you dragged yourself off the couch, walking into the kitchen to grab a piece of bread (don’t take anti-inflammatories on an empty stomach y’all) and shoving it in your mouth. It wasn’t the best thing in the world to eat at 8:30 in the morning, but it would be enough to prevent the Aspirin from fucking up your stomach.

You shuffled to your room, hesitantly reaching for the door handle. You knew Colson would be asleep, but you were still shaking with anxiety. Taking a deep breath, you slowly opened the door, relaxing a bit when you saw your boyfriend sleeping. You stepped lightly, trying to be as quiet as possible as you crossed the room to the bathroom.

Once in the tiled room you shuffled through the drawers, trying to find the bottle that would magically relieve your pain. You frowned as you pulled open the fourth drawer, still not finding the bottle. You were sure you had a bottle in here somewhere.

“Babe?” Shit. Colson’s morning voice called from the bed. You peaked your head out of the bathroom, his eyes finding yours.

“Sorry, I’m just looking for the Aspirin.” You said quietly, moving back into the bathroom to continue your search.

“It’s in here.” Of course it’s in there, why wouldn’t it be in there?

You trudged out of the bathroom, finding the bottle in his hands. You flashed him a small smile, grabbing the bottle from his hands. Any thoughts of last night momentarily left your mind as you poured two tablets into your hand. “Everything okay?” Colson sat up, watching as you moved towards your side of the bed.

“Yeah.” You said, walking to your nightstand to grab the water that you keep there. You swallowed the pills, looking at Colson’s concerned face. “I’m fine, just cramps.”

Looking at his face made your heart fall. Even when you two were fighting he was worried about you. “Can we talk about last night?” You asked, realizing you needed to address your argument. Colson nodded, reaching to pull you onto the bed. You loved morning Colson; he was very cuddly.

You happily moved into his arms, your chest pressed against his back, his arms around your middle, and head resting against yours. “I’m sorry I got so upset.” You mumbled. “My hormones are making me an emotional wreck. I forgot how bad they could get.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, looking down at you. There was concern in his eyes, but a lot of confusion.

You tilted your head, realizing he hadn’t pieced things together. “You know, my period hormones.” He furrowed his eyebrows and you laughed softly. “Oh my god have you never experienced this with a girl?”

He frowned, “No. I thought your birth control stopped your periods?”

“Yeah, but remember I had to stop taking it a few months ago? It’s finally fully out of my system.”

He nodded, “Wait so what does your period have to do with hormones?”

You tilted your head back so your crown fell against his chest as you tried not to laugh. “You know how people always ask a girl if she’s on her period when she gets really mad or upset?” Colson nodded, his eyes trained on you, listening attentively. “Well, its because when you get your period, for the last few days leading up to it and the first few days you’re on it, certain hormone levels are low. So, you’re really sensitive emotionally. The levels raise throughout your cycle, so you get less irritable after the first few days, but its still not necessarily fun.”

“So, when I complained about you not wanting to go out…”

“I got really upset. I mean I would’ve gotten upset either way, but I probably would’ve brushed it off normally.” You laced your fingers through his. “And the reason I didn’t want to go out was because I could barely stand up, much less go out and party.”

“Wait actually?” He seemed genuinely concerned.

You chuckled a little at his childlike wonder of your period. “Yeah, even if I take medicine my cramps kill me. And I’m either really tired or really awake most of the time.”

“Where are your cramps?” He asked, and you moved his hands towards your lower stomach. “Here?” You nodded, and he started massaging the area softly, easing some of the pain. “Is that helpful or does it make it worse?” He asked.

You hummed, “very helpful.” He continued his motions and you kept explaining. “Heat also helps. I used to have a hot water bottle but I got rid of it since I wasn’t getting my periods anymore. And I haven’t felt good enough to go to the store and get another.”

He kissed the skin behind your ear, resting his head there. “You should’ve told me, babe. I would’ve gotten you one.” You shrugged, smiling at his worry. “I wouldn’t’ve been such a dick, too.” He mumbled.

You turned your body to face him, wrapping your hands around his neck, “you didn’t know, babe. It’s okay. But maybe you shouldn’t be a dick even when I’m not on my period.” You gave him a wide, sarcastic smile.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He whispered, a frown on his face. You leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Is there anything else I should know about your period?”

“I get really bad cravings, like chocolate, candy, salty food, literally anything. And it’s always random.”

He pecked your lips, “Tell me what you want and I’ll get it for you.” You smiled, closing your eyes, and resting your forehead against his.

“Oh, and we can’t have sex.” He pulled away from you, a confused look on his face. “Babe, I’m bleeding out of my vagina. It would be really really gross.”

“But that doesn’t mean we can’t do other things, right?” He tilted his head, smirking.

“Don’t ask me to blow you while I’m on my period. If I want to, I’ll tell you.” You giggled. “Seriously, this shit sucks.”

“You’re telling me.” He chuckled and you slapped his chest lightly. “I’m kidding.” He pulled you closer to him so your head was pressed against his chest. You could hear his heartbeat and it made you smile. “Whatever you need, just tell me and I’ll do it.” He mumbled; lips pressed against your hair.

You looked up at him, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “You could take a shower?” You asked sweetly.

He laughed, “was that a period thing too?”

You nodded, “yeah I get sick really easily. I can’t go in a car unless I’m driving because I get too nauseous. Some smells can set me off too.”

He nodded, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “Hey, just promise me one thing?” You looked up at him, urging him to continue. “Next time something’s wrong, tell me, please? I know you’re my soulmate and everything but I can’t read your mind.”

Your eyes widened when he said that, cheeks turning red. “You really think that?” You asked in awe.

“Of course I think that. You’re literally my perfect half. You get along with all my friends, you take care of Casie like she’s your own kid, you put up with all of my shit. I dunno, I just feel like we were made for each other.” You leaned up, pulling him in for a long, sweet kiss.

“I am so in love with you.” You whisper as you pulled away. “Like so so so in love with you.” You smiled.

He kissed you again, a smile on his face. “Oh, one more thing.” He said, and you hummed in response. “Next time we have a fight, don’t walk out on me, please? I don’t want us to go to sleep mad at each other.”

You nodded, moving your arms to take his hands in yours. “I won’t. I promise.” You whispered. “Can you promise me something?” You looked up at him, his eyes entrancing yours. “If we are fighting, can we not do it in front of our friends?”

He nodded, kissing you once more. “Promise.”

“Do you have plans today?” You asked.

“I don’t think so.”

“Can we stay in bed and cuddle all day?” You gave him your best puppy dog eyes and he broke out into a smile.

He nodded, “We can do whatever you want to do, sweetheart.” You smiled, practically tackling him back onto the bed so you were laying down, you clinging to him like a Koala bear. “I’ll send Irv and Baze to the store in a while for you.”

You rolled your eyes, smiling into his neck. “I would complain that you should do it yourself, but that would require you leaving me, and that’s not happening anytime soon.” Colson opened his mouth to say something, but you cut him off, “except for you taking a shower. I have not forgotten.”

“Damn.”

You giggled, sticking to his chest as he sat up, trying to get out of bed. “You say you want me to shower but you’re making it impossible to get out of bed.”

“You have to be nice to me, I’m on my period.” You smiled up at him.

He shook his head, chuckling. “Fine, I guess I’ll just bring you into the shower with me.”

“I’m not complaining. But I’m just warning you I’m bloated as hell right now.”

“And yet you’re still the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

[qitwrites]

|| 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 

Momo is 13 when she gets her first period.

Her parents had talked to her about it of course, told her it was completely natural and normal and healthy, and to come to them when it happens.

What nobody was prepared for was the pain.

She’s in the family garden creating some Lego blocks for herself when a bout of cramps, sharp and intense, roils through her abdomen and up her left leg. It’s so sudden she can barely call for help, and by the time the guards reach her, she’s on the ground sobbing, clutching her stomach and shakily taking in gasps of air.

They tell her it’s a combination of her diet and her genes. The high-fat diet has consequences, no matter how much she uses her quirk to balance it out and her father’s side of the family has a history of debilitating period pains. It’s just really bad luck, or so they tell her.

Of course, this doesn’t deter Momo from her plans of becoming a pro-hero. It’s all she wants. So, it’s what she chases and works for and earns.

The period pains get worse.

Class 1A doesn’t notice for the longest time. Momo is good at hiding it, at hiding how often she uses the loo for the first two days, how much pain she’s biting back in class, how badly she’s performing in training. She practices her smile in the mirror, sits through hours of class and training and socializing with a smile plastered on her face, and screams into her pillow at night. She spends those nights on her bathroom floor, alternating between throwing up and enjoying the cool feeling of the tiles underneath her.

Nobody realizes until Momo doesn’t show up for class one day.

Of course, everyone is immediately concerned- Momo isn’t one to skip. She takes the best notes, has perfect attendance, submits her assignments on time, the works. First period passes like that, and Aizawa even brings it up but nobody knows where she is. She hasn’t messaged a soul or called anyone about anything.

They’re on break after second period when Todoroki finds her on the staircase landing between the first and second floor.

Momo is on the ground, laying on her side. Her hand is in her mouth, blood dripping down her skin as she clenches it tightly between her teeth. Her other hand is wrapped around her abdomen, squeezing tightly. Tears stream down her face continuously, like an endless river. She’s muffling her screams, and it’s almost like she can’t even see Todoroki, her gaze piercing straight through him.

Todoroki is immediately alarmed, getting to his knees in front of her. He looks over her and can’t see any physical injuries, any signs of trauma.

‘Yaoyorozu,’ he says urgently, ‘what’s going on?’

Momo blinks at him, some of the tears dispelling. She finally sees him, recognizes him, and gasps. She pulls her hand away and the tears spill again.

‘I can’t-‘ she starts and sucks in a sharp breath ‘-I can’t breathe. I can’t- there’s too much pain fuck.’ Todoroki raises his brows- Momo never curses. Never. Not even when she stubbed her toe against the dining table and broke it.

‘We have to get you to recovery girl,’ Todoroki says, moving to help her up.

‘Wait,’ she groans. ‘I need- dammit, Todoroki let me borrow your left hand for a moment please.’

Todoroki complies without question, and watches as she takes it and places it on her abdomen above her uniform.

‘As hot as you can go,’ she says, ‘without burning my uniform. Please.’

Todoroki has no idea what’s going on, but he does as she asks. The effect is almost immediate- her breathing evens out, her eyes focus again, her body stops jerking in pain. It’s almost like she’s been sedated.

After nearly 2 minutes of sitting in silence, she gently takes Todoroki’s hand and places it on his own knee. She sits up gingerly and wipes away her tears, smearing some of the blood on her cheeks instead. Todoroki watches her carefully, ready to step in if she asks for help.

‘What happened?’

Momo looks at him with sad eyes. ‘It’s just my period cramps Todoroki. I’m ok, I’ll be alright.’

Todoroki quirks a brow. ‘You’re not ok Yaoyorozu, even I can tell just by looking at you.’

Momo is about to voice another protest when the door to the stairwell bursts open. Bakugou and Kirishima walk through with vending machine drinks in their hands and stop when they spot the pair on the floor.

‘Yaomomo?’ Kirishima shouts, running towards them. Bakugou trails just behind, eyebrows furrowed.

Momo plasters a smile on her face, trying to hide her bloodied hand.

‘What happened?’ Kirishima yells, crouching down with a concerned look in his eyes.

‘I-‘

‘She said it’s period cramps,’ Todoroki interrupts. In all honesty, he never grew up around his mother or his sister, so he has limited knowledge of periods in general. But with that limited knowledge also came the lack of a stigma towards periods in general. He doesn’t think anything of talking about it.

Kirishima’s concerned look melts into one of sad understanding.

‘Oh man,’ he says, ‘that sucks Yaomomo. They’re that bad, huh?’

Momo keeps her smile in place. ‘Really, I’m fine, it’s nothing I cannot handle, I’m ok-‘

A hand, absurdly gentle, pulls her bloodied one away from where she’s hiding it. Momo startles when she sees Bakugou holding her hand, giving her a tight look. He drops it gently and sighs. With a grunt, Bakugou sits down next to her, back leaning into the wall. Kirishima sits cross legged in front of her while Todoroki sits on her other side.

‘My old hag,’ Bakugou grumbles, ‘has period pains. More like period torture, I guess. She threw up every month on the first day. She’d have dark circles from the lack of sleep, and she’d slap hot water bags to her stomach 24/7. She even burned the skin there a few times. Painkillers didn’t do shit, there were no surgical options, not even birth control made much of a dent. She’d just grit her teeth and bare it every month.’

Momo listens silently, her hands slowly unclenching.

‘My moms,’ Kirishima pitches in, ‘are pretty chill with it. Well, Mama’s get really bad sometimes, but mom is usually ok. I’ve seen them bring each other ice-cream or squeeze each other’s shoulders. They sync up a lot too! Mama would always tell me to be nicer to mom, and mom would always tell me to give mama a kiss. They’re both so manly when they battle their periods every month.’ He offers Momo a gentle smile.

Todoroki hums. ‘I admit, I don’t know much beyond the biological part of it. But from what I can see, Yaoyorozu, this isn’t very normal, is it? This level of pain?’

Momo sighs, brushing away the fresh tears welling up in her eyes.

‘I, between my quirk and my genes, I have received the shorter end of the stick. Of course, I have looked into treatments. There’s nothing I can fix with surgery, and painkillers are usually ineffective. I have tried birth control measures, but they interfere with my quirk.’

Momo looks up at the ceiling. ‘I don’t think we talk about this enough, about heroes that menstruate. I can’t stop being a hero on the days I have my period, but sometimes, I’m in so much pain I can’t see straight. I-‘ she sucks in a stuttering breath ‘-I don’t know what to do sometimes. I want to stand on equal footing with my peers.’

Bakugou scoffs. ‘You shitting me? You’re top of the class, your quirk can make fucking canons, you tutored our fuckwit classmates into not failing miserably, and you did it all through this shit? What part of that is not equal with your peers?’

Kirishima nods in agreement. ‘I mean, Mina has some cramps too, so I usually bring her hot water bags when she asks. I read somewhere that spinach is great for period health, so I make us both protein shakes with spinach and banana! She says it helps.’

‘The iron in spinach must be beneficial,’ Momo muses, her face breaking into the first genuine smile of the day. ‘I usually up my iron intake as well. It does help.’

‘You’re right though,’ Todoroki adds, eyebrows furrowed, ‘we don’t talk enough about heroes that menstruate. Plus, the fact that you can’t seem to find a way to manage your pain without it affecting your life is proof that they haven’t put much thought into it, isn’t it?’

Bakugou grunts in agreement. ‘My hag volunteers at women’s shelters and tries to raise funds for pain meds and hygiene supplies and shit. It’s ridiculous. All of that shit should be free. No one asks to have a period every month.’

‘We can change that though,’ Kirishima pipes in, always the voice of positivity. ‘Look at the four of us, talking about it! Yaomomo, I’m sorry.’

Momo blinks, ‘What for Kirishima?’

‘For not noticing! You must’ve been in so much pain all this time, huh? I’m sorry for not noticing and doing more.’

Momo feels something cold press against her arm. She looks down to see Bakugou pushing his unopened drink into her elbow.

‘Take it, staying hydrated helps with the cramps.’ He stands up and brushes his pants. ‘Think you can stand?’

Momo takes a sip of the drink, relishing the cold fizzy burn as it slides down her throat. She takes a deep breath and stands, stumbling a little before catching herself. Todoroki steadies her around the elbow.

‘Can we take you to recovery girl?’

Momo smiles warmly. ‘I’ve been already. We’ve been working together on some remedies. It’ll take time, but I hope we can come up with something.’ Momo hums. ‘I should put more work into this. I can’t be the only hero that faces such bad period pains.’

‘That’s so manly Yaomomo!’ Kirishima beams. ‘I’m kinda dumb so I don’t think I can help with the research but let me know if there’s anything else I can do.’

Momo giggles into the back of her hand and they start moving towards class together. As they reach the top of the stairs another bout of cramps settles into her gut, and she clenches the railing with a white knuckled grip.

The boys stand around, guarding her, supporting her, giving her small smiles and reassuring nods. Todoroki offers her his hand again, and she quickly makes a heating pad and hands it to him, so she can continue to use it during class. Bakugou urges her to drink more water, and Kirishima keeps telling her how manly she is.

When they get to class, everyone crowds around her and she laughs softly, promising to explain everything later. The rest of the day passes by with little incident, and throughout it all, Todoroki takes the heating pad from her, heats it up and hands it back, hour after hour.

They talk about it in the dorms after class, and recounting her episode opens the floodgates for all the girls.

‘I get really bad migraines,’ Uraraka sighs, rubbing at her temples as if in anticipation. ‘It makes the nausea from my quirk even more unbearable.’

Jirou nods. ‘I get you. I have leg cramps, makes it impossible to use my legs during heartbeat surround. The speakers are too painful to use, and I’m never as stable as I’d like to be.’ She gives Kirishima a pointed look. ‘I’ll join you at the gym next time, teach me some leg moves. I want to get stronger.’ Kirishima gives her a huge thumbs up and a blinding grin.

‘My back gives out sometimes,’ Mina says. ‘I have this pain that burns in my lower back on a few occasions, it’s the worst.’

‘I don’t have a lot of physical symptoms,’ Hagakure pipes in, ‘but I do have PMS and depressive episodes. I’ve been trying to figure out a good med balance to fix it.’ All the girls nod at that, squeezing her arms and shoulders in silent support.

The teachers are brought into the loop too, and Aizawa gently berates Momo for not coming to him sooner.

‘We’re here to help,’ he says, eyes the gentlest she’s ever seen. ‘Learn to rely on your teachers more, will you? Such troublemakers , the lot of you.’

Momo makes hot packs for the girls after that, and the teachers don’t blink when one of them passes it to Todoroki in the middle of class as the boy just heats it the appropriate amount before passing it back without so much as a hiccup in his work.

Bakugou sends Momo articles and tips from his mom about pain management and dealing with cramps. He says it’s because he wants her to be in top condition when he beats her for #1, otherwise it won’t, in his eloquent words, mean jack shit. Momo tries some stuff out, happily surprised when her symptoms are even the slightest bit reduced. Kirishima offers to make them all spinach shakes, and they take him up on that every so often, complimenting his limited cooking abilities.

And on the days Momo is back on the bathroom floor heaving into the toilet, Jirou holds her hair back. Mina cuddles her on the couch when her hands are clenched as she bites back tears, and Ojiro sits by her feet, a reassuring presence to depend on if she ever needs something.

They’ve still got a long way to go as a society, but it’s a start. And a damn good one at that.

[yamithediaperdork]

Welcome to baby land (Ben 10)

it was a tale as old as time, one that had happened before, would happen this day and despite the fall out from today's events would happen again in the future.

A young boy, fueled by fetish desires and spending hour after hour, day after day bringing himself to the peak as he looked at his chosen fetish, only to pull back last second.

Because the boy knows for what he wants, for what he's going to do.. he needs that desperate pent up denial of release to shut down his common sense. to make him nice and dumb.

His name was Ben Tennyson, and up until a short while ago he had been the hero of the universe and earth. But that was before the watch had been taken, and given to his cousin Gwen who had been picked as being a most reasonable hero. with cutting remarks that he would of never gotten the watch for as long as he had had it's marker realized who was wearing it, and being called to immature.. was it any wonder a bitter and dejected Ben cut himself off from his extended family and drove into the world of porn?

never mind he had beaten off a alien invasion, a 'pants peeing doofus' couldn't be trusted with the watch.

Fine. whatever. if they wanted to look at him as a stupid big baby.. that's what he'd become.

He didn't even like diapers at first when he started, but well.. porn has a way of warping a young boy's mind. Looking at picture after picture, caption after caption and reading the stories Ben for all intents and purposes turned himself in a diaper boy, and a humiliation junkie.

Taking birthday money he even found and brought a package of punishment diapers meant for shaming (though he got it at a discount as the shop was being put out of business) that were super thick, boasted how they could hold any mess.. and also claimed they didn't keep any stink from being contained and guaranteed diaper rash if used.

For a porn addicted loser like Ben, this was pure gold and since he paid for rush devilry he got a enema bag and a small bottle of little crampers, the enema for brats.

Ben knew what he wanted, total, public humiliation but he kept ruining it for himself with self pleasure driving the need out of his mind before he could do it.

finally, Mid October the little porn fueled loser decided enough was enough, he was gonna stop wasting his time and the diapers he'd paid for and set himself up to goon. For a week strait he subjected himself to it, and by the time he was done on Sunday night, Monday morning the little loser set himself up to fail.

waking up early, Ben used the whole bottle of little crampers even though it said to just mix 1/8 with a litlre bag for a enema kit, and groaned and whimpered as he used it, hot water and a dash of castor oil in the big enema bag, only his bulky white and black t-shirt hid the preggo belly he gave himself.

getting back to his bedroom and cramping, the soon to be ruined diaper loser looked at the pack of his punishment diapers and having not worn one till today, toyed with layering at first but they just looked too thick.

Settling on one of the bulky diapers with it sobbing crybaby design, he taped it on then tried the tapes, blushing as the package lived up to it's name.

Once taped on it would take 2 hours for the tapes to come back off, he was truly trapped. again a normal boy of Ben's age would of been panicking, realizing they had gone too fair but Ben just breathed fast, and smiled as he picked his baggiest pair of pants and was delighted that they still only JUST hid the diaper, if he bent over his padded shame would be CLEAR.

Getting down stairs and getting breakfast in himself, he was already seated as his parents came down and made small talk with them even as the delightful cramps started to build. (he'd never admit it, well at least before today's events unfolded but he'd grown to like pain, it made his heart beat fast and smile)

Still he couldn't help but squirm and groan a little bit, and got looks of concern from his parents as he finished his bowl of cereal.

"Benny you feeling alright?" His mother asked, coming over and putting a hand to his forehead. "You can stay home today if your not feeling good."

"N-No I'll be alright. just worried about a math test." Ben said, mixing truth with lies,then added: "Besides, you and dad said you were BOTH gonna be out all day today. who'd stay with me?"

"Heh, He's got a point there.. and good on you Ben. I'm proud your being mature enough not to try and get out of a test." His dad said, totally misunderstanding the happy giggle Ben let out.

His father might of thought it was Ben was so happy he was proud of him, But for diaper bitch Benny, the irony of the comment almost made him ruin the fun early.

If Ben's plan had one flaw (well one he'd admit to) it was the fact that he hadn't taken into account how much slower he'd be having to waddle his massive diaper butt to school with the added fun of having to stop 3 times to force himself not to spoil the fun early.

He'd even left a little sooner then normal, his parents had been quick with their breakfast and he 'accidentally' left his house key on the desk in his room and after making sure the front door was locked, went out the back door as you could lock it from the inside while the door was open.

'No getting out of this by running home!' Ben gleefully thought.

He barley made it into homeroom before the bell rang, though since he was known to be tardy from time to time it didn't raise too much attention, get getting a snide comment from his homeroom teacher about gracing them with his presence.

Even better, home was also his math class and that was going to be first period (which was a good thing for the ever so full little perv as his 'chocolate mud baby' wasn't going to stay in him much longer.)

Mr. Fillawick wasted little time in handing out the tests and after a standard warning that he'd tolerate NO cheating and there was going to be NO bathroom breaks, he offered anyone who had to go a chance to use the potty now.

'OK..this is it..your last chance.. you could just say you need to go, and sneak out the school.fill your diapers in the woods and get out of them once the tapes give up.' Ben thought to himself, biting his lip.

it wouldn't be destroying himself in class and getting him labeled stinky baby for the rest of the year, but it would land him in hot water with the school and his parents and he'd run the risk of being seen outside right?

He almost started to raise his hand when his inner pervert took over and he just turned it into brushing his hand though his hair.

"Alright, don't say I didn't warn you. you'll have a hour to do the test. good luck." Mr. Fillawick said and shrugged, going back to his desk and sitting down, doing whatever it was teachers did.

Five minutes later and Ben was in a mixture of heaven and hell. he was twitching and sweating a little bit, his pencil twitching in his hand even as he started to leak in little bursts against the front of his diapie.

the cramps were at the point of no return and even if Ben said fuck it and got up to run, he wouldn't of made it more then five steps.

all he'd managed to do so far was write his name on the test and the date, then the cramps had gone over board.

'Ok..Ok.. this was a mistake.. I've leaked enough boy milk to see that.. maybe.. maybe I can still just.. get out..of..' Ben thought, going white knuckled as he gripped the side of his desk with his left hand as a powerful cramp hit, a low rumbling fart coming out his backside though the sound was mostly muted.

the smell however was not as the diapers lived up to their claims and Kids around Ben wrinkled their noses and looked around looking for the source of the smell and eyes zeroing in on his as he was blushing.

"Mr. Fillawick? I think Ben needs to go to the bathroom." A redhead boy behind him said. "Or at Least can he be moved to the back of the classroom.

"Mr. Tennyson had his chance for that Mr. Randal. and I prefer he stay where I can keep a eye on him." Came the teachers amused answer.

even as the class giggled and laughed, two more rotten poots escaped and there was open cries of disgust.

"Gah, at least open a window!"

"What did you have to eat this morning, a skunk!?"

Ben whimpered and squirmed, he had the whole class basically looking at him now and the teasing and taunts had brought his pervert side back up to full power.

'It's now or never.' Ben thought, though he also knew wasn't really a option. it was more like Now or never if he wanted a semblance of control over the act.

it helped he was trembling lots now but Mr. Fillawick who'd never cared for Ben much since he was a rowdy student only watched with sadistic glee.

Ben's Pencil 'accidentally' shook out of his hand and rolled off the desk and onto the floor, and Ben made a show of just reaching into his desk to find anther one.

"Mr. Tennyson, whatever your habits in your own room may be, I run a clean Classroom." the smirking teacher said. "Bend down and point up that pencil."

"Uh..but..If I-" Ben started, putting the perfect crybaby whine in his voice.

"You'll what? fart? like you haven't been doing that already?" the teacher shot back.

Putting on a show of being embarrassed and scared (he was embarrassed but his heart was beating fast) Ben leaned over the right side of his desk and there was a gasp from the students behind him as one thing he hadn't planned on happened.

"BEN'S WEARING A DIAPER!" Hooted Crash.

"A BABY DIAPER!" a blond girl added.

"More like a BIG baby diaper!" Randal noted with amusement.

Somehow his pants must of lowered enough to flash off his embarrassing diaper! Oh god! for all of 2.4 seconds trued to stop what was about to happen but the act of leaning over had been the final trigger.

as the enema finally worked it's magic and the back of his diaper started to swell up Ben could only hear the roar of his mess and though tear filled eyes almost could swear he could see image of him in just diapers and a bib, tapping a shovel on a grave that had been filled in. the tombstone read:

RIP Ben's self respect.

as the force of the mess made Ben fall forward, landing face down and ass up, his pants failing down more so everyone could watch his diapers load up in the back (thankfully they wouldn't be able to tell what he was doing in the front!) The image of baby Ben came over and looked down with a grin at the real one.

"Welcome to baby land~ no going back now."

As Ben's life was ruined, and he was designed to never be able to get that 'excited' again unless he was crapping brains out(heck, he was going to be pulled from school and his parents would begin his new big baby life, treating him like the baby they thought he wanted to be, not knowing he was just a humiliation junkie) Charmcaster smirked in her jail cell.

Sure having to watch all the events unfold from sitting into of a toilet wasn't the way she'd hope to see the spell play out, not to mention it had been that bitch Gwen she had targeting, but this worked out in the end.

Gwen would suffer being the cousin of the big stinky baby and would likely end up having to change him and it wouldn't be too long now before her uncle broke her out. wincing as Ben started to baby babble though she did have one moment's regret.

'I mean, I'm evil and wanna take over the world but was making him a diaper perv too far?' She wondered, then smiled. 'Naaaah!'

The end

[aeonian-kiss]

Boy do I have a "horror story" for you about my 2nd labor & delivery.

Basically I arrived at 7:05am to be induced on the 17th. They took me and my fiancé back to my room and got my IV and all that set up. They gave me something that would induce contractions and work on softening and dilating the cervix. At some point I started having some mild contractions, they started off like period cramps, gradually got worse but then after an hour of dealing with them, 30s and 40s felt like nothing. When they checked me I was 4cm dilated and offered an epidural, I said sure cause I wanted to get some sleep. Well. They sent my fiancé out of the room, which in WA they didn't make him leave at all, they kept him there to help support me and keep me calm. So the whole time they were doing my epidural I was having an anxiety attack, shaking like fucking crazy. That's over and done with, so they try to put in the catheter, I have another panic attack and nearly pass out. Mind you, my fiancé was holding my hand for support and watched the color drain from my body and my hands go from warm to nearly iced. I also could feel this mind you. But eventually they get it in and carry on from there. With my first baby, I couldn't feel it there, like there was pressure but I couldn't FEEL it nor did it bring me discomfort. This one did. It honestly probably got in the way of me actually napping the entire time; it felt like I needed to pee at all times and had that weird burning sensation you get when you are about to pee with a UTI.

Now every time they did a cervix check it fucking HURT. They would make comments like "your cervix is super soft and flexible but your really tight." Which should have been an indication to them that I was feeling them shove their fucking hand in my vagina. Again, with my first, they would do their checks after the epidural and I would feel nothing other than pressure which didn't bother me. But their excuse for me so obviously feeling pain despite having the epidural is "most women mistake pressure for pain."

No. Not this one. This isn't my first baby, something is wrong. They would send in the people to give me more doses of epidural that mind you, did nothing. Like the amount of nothing it was doing was I could still move my legs around but unable to feel ice water that was being sprayed on my arms and torso. Now let's fast forward. It's maybe... 1am maybe even 12, I'm having contractions 1 minute apart and it fucking hurts and my body is trying to push. I tell the nurse this and 1. She checks my cervix and says I'm only at an 8 so I have to wait. 2. The "pain" I'm feeling is pressure. {I'm in so much pain and trying to fight my bodies urge to push that I'm screaming out in pain and crying while telling myself "no stop, don't push."} After what felt like forever they finally say I can go for it. During labor, I probably passed out 2 or 3 times with them waking me up to push again. Baby is out, instant relief, skin to skin.

But my fiancé was acting weird. Like he ran to the bathroom to puke (which he didn't do with our first or even with his son from what I was told.) And is like, constantly wiping his eyes. So I finally ask him what's up.

Apparently when my baby girl came out she was blue with her cord wrapped around her shoulder and neck. He pukes because he thought she was dead and it was super overwhelming.

That's the labor part. After was just as shit. The day time nurses were assholes, really pushy about breastfeeding, delaying getting me formula like I was asking. Never asked my partner if he needed anything (and I get he didn't have a baby but being someone's support through labor is fucking hard and even worse when you think you're going to lose them; mind you when I kept passing out one of the doctors kept talking Bout worse case scenarios with me in front of him) night time shift was better kind of. Throughout the stay they offer taking your baby to the nursery so you can get some sleep, I didn't like sending her there cause everytime she went she came back acting like she was starving and her diaper was always full- and if they did feed or change her; they never told me so I could properly keep track of it.

Last day there, they take her to the nursery to do her hearing test and I called my nurse asking for pain and cramp meds and reminded her that I still need formula for the baby. She said she would do it, never did. When I was being discharged, the pediatrician noticed they hadn't removed my IV and had to do it herself. They sent me and the baby home without doing any of the things I had asked for. Mind you, when we got home they didn't even remove the wrist or ankle band, but of course had removed the one that would set an alarm.

On top of that, when the baby was born she swallowed the fluids and they didn't vacuum her, so she was and still is really backed up and struggles to breath. They shouldn't have sent us home without making sure she would be okay and not get sick from this.

The thing I get a real kick from is, my first baby, the hospital gave me a prescription for pain medication, Tylenol and Ibuprofen, cause you know, having a baby is painful and healing is painful. On no, they didn't prescribe me pain meds, the only thing sent to my pharmacy was BIRTH CONTROL.

Overall besides free food and snacks given at the hospital, it was a terrible experience. I am constantly checking in on my baby in fear of her gagging on mucous or having any other issues from the lack of actual care given to her by these nurses.

[balillee]

ive had this on my mind all day and i don't know why but if i don't spit it out i'll psychogenically perish

if you, as a school teacher, principal or administrator, do not allow your students to go to the bathroom when they wish, that is a form of abuse.

i'll go more into why with an anecdote i have.

back in year 8 (around 12-13 years old), i suffered frequently from UTIs, and each time i would be in so much pain that i could barely move, and my asscheeks were glued to the toilet while i was doubled over in pain. each time i had a UTI, i would have to take a week off from school in recovery while taking a course of antibiotics (because the canesoasis cranberry sachets would just make me chuck up).

it happened so frequently that my parents and my GP thought that i may have had a bladder issue. so, we got an appointment for me to have an ultrasound for my bladder. absolutely nothing. my bladder was completely fine.

eventually, my mum got a letter home telling her that i 'was not allowed' to take more time off.

i wasn't taking time off for the hell of it. i was sick. i could not go to school. in one instance i actually had to go home in the middle of the day, and despite my walk to school being short, i almost collapsed on the way home.

obviously, i ended up having to take more time off, but i had to provide a doctor's note to 'prove' that i was actually sick, and not skiving. we had to do so to avoid having to pay a fucking fine.

eventually, i tried reasoning with the school to allow me a toilet pass, which would overrule a teacher's ability to deny me going to the toilets given that i present the toilet pass to them. other students had them, and even though they got stink-eyes from the teachers, they were begrudgingly allowed to perform a necessary bodily function. i even also mentioned an instance in which i had started my period just after break and needed to sort myself out, to which my FEMALE teacher denied me the ability to do so, citing that it should have been dealt with at break. as if i had a sixth sense for when i'd start bleeding out of my fucking hole.

i was denied the toilet pass, because of course i was.

however, the year after, i did notice a majority of teachers lightening up on female students in particular being able to go to the toilet during class after an incident in which some poor girl was denied the ability to go to the toilets and ended up bleeding on her chair.

as long as i used the period excuse (which was ironic, considering i don't have one), i was able to go to the toilet. this was effective with male teachers in particular, because they were all fucking manchildren.

all of a sudden, i don't have UTI's anymore. but, i was 13 years old, i don't think much of it. i was mostly happy that i wasn't sick anymore.

it has been seven years since then and i can definitively tell you that all of those UTI's were caused not because of poor hygiene, but because i was forced to hold my bladder for hours at a time, and then use unhygienic toilets that were locked for most of the day. i specifically remember there being two girls toilets - one on the ground floor and one on the middle floor. the one on the middle floor was locked almost 24/7, so the bottom one was cramped and most people wouldn't be able to pee before break ended. a breaktime, i might add, that they shortened. from 30 minutes to 25.

it was even worse for the boys. people assigned male at birth are far less likely to get UTI's, so i doubt that was an issue for them. what was the real issue was that the boys toilets were almost always locked due to vandalism. this meant that since none of them could use the boys, and none of them could use the girls, a lot of them either ended up having to sneak into the disabled toilets (which was one stall, btw), or try and sneak into the boys changing rooms to use one of the cubicles in there, which also was often locked during breaktimes.

denying a child the ability to perform a necessary bodily function is abusive. penalising a child for recovering from an illness that was not their fault is abusive. penalising a child for being ill at all is abusive. forcing sick (and especially contagious) students to come to school is abusive.

had i not had the time off to recover, that UTI could have led to fucking sepsis, kidney stones, a yeast infection or a bladder infection. this would have led to even more time off, and more probable complications down the line.

teachers love to make the argument that since they have to hold it during lesson, students do too.

newsflash: no they don't.

nothing is stopping a teacher from quickly and quietly popping out to use the toilet while their students are doing work. in fact, they left the class unattended all the time to go chat with other teachers, grab something from the office or another room, or because they decided to be late to our lessons.

and even then, the risk of severe illness aside, denying a student their bodily autonomy is the lowest of the low.

i had some wonderful teachers in school. my year 4 teacher was a lovely young woman and i remember her fondly. the teacher i had for the last two years of spanish was strict in some senses, but she was funny and she was friendly and most importantly, sympathetic.

but the majority of my teachers, it felt to me almost, were dictators of the classroom. they yelled at students for acting out. they did not choose the career they did out of their love for that area of education, they did it so they could control their students - a lot of these kinds of teachers were middle aged and above, so i imagine they suffered similar abuse at the hands of their teachers too.

it was a wonder when i got to sixth form. i wasn't restricted to an overpriced uniform that got people bullied. there was no social hierarchy. there were no authoritarian teachers. i wasn't forced to participate in humiliation classes like PE against my will. it felt like a real place that i could learn. now, obviously, it was all bogged down by covid, but in the building, i felt i was treated as a person. if i let the teacher know, i could pop to the toilet whenever i wanted. i could have my drink of water on the desk. i could go for a quick snack during lesson if i felt a little hungry before break. i could take my coat off if i was too warm without having to ask permission. i wasn't penalised for having to take time off. the toilets were never locked. we were given short breaks during our long lesson times to cool off or catch up. students didn't require a 'provable' disability and 4 million tests before they could apply for extra time on exams - all they had to do was be a slow writer. i felt trusted, and respected.

people don't treat under 16's like they are human beings with sentience, autonomy or dignity. they are real people. they deserve better than to suffer the abuse of teachers who should be educating them and creating a young generation of people who are excited to learn and find their passions.

moral of the story: students, if a teacher denies you the ability to use the restroom during lesson, if you find yourself confident enough, employ malicious compliance. piss in the bin.

[julemmaes]

Honey extra - The Sex Playlist + a little scene

Elide Lochan x Lorcan Salvaterre roommates au

A/N: I posted part five on the same day acosf was released, so if you didn’t see it, go read it, cause it’s.. long and it took me years to finish and I saw it didn’t get the same attention the previous parts did, and yeah

fic masterlist

this takes place somewhere between part five and six

Elide was one of the few lucky girls whose period was never too bothersome. The pain was always very bearable and only lasted a few hours, and most of the time, it wasn't even a real pain, just a slight pressure in the lower abdomen. She could go about her day without having to stop every few minutes because of a cramp - unlike Aelin, who died every month as if someone was stabbing her in the guts.

She also didn't have a heavy flow, which she would always thank the gods for, if they existed. She couldn't understand how her friends could put up with such misfortune.

Not that they could do otherwise, of course, but she was always in awe when they told her about their period-catastrophes. She knew that if it were her turn to suffer like that every time, she would rip her uterus out of her belly.

And at that moment, lying in a fetal position on Lorcan's bed, she wasn't entirely sure she'd be able to keep from doing it herself before the cramping stopped. Because for some strange reason, her body had decided to turn against her this month.

The last two weeks had gone by in the blink of an eye, she and Lorcan had fucked on every surface in the house and between work and classes and studying, Elide had gotten very little sleep. Considering also that every time she lay down, her boyfriend would slip in behind her and she couldn't say no to herself, to that pleasure so exhaustive and ecstatic, it made her forget that her body needed rest.

It had taken Lorcan to remind her that they couldn't go on like this.

So when she'd found a bloodstain in her underwear the previous night, just before going to bed after her shift at the diner, she hadn't worried so much and had thought that they'd finally take a few days off and maybe her body would calm down.

Elide wasn't a fan of period sex and the few times she'd done it she'd been so grossed out that she'd risked barfing in the middle of it. It simply wasn't for her.

What she hadn't expected though, had been cramps so strong they had pulled her from sleep in the middle of the night. Elide had gotten up and gone to the bathroom because she'd started moving around too much and didn't want to wake up the boy sleeping blissfully next to her. She had started pacing the living room, trying to figure out what the fuck she was in such pain for.

When it felt like someone had stuck both hands in her uterus and was digging their nails into her ovaries, Elide had knelt on the floor by the couch, leaning forward with her fists pressed against her stomach.

Lorcan had found her in that position around half past four.

To say he'd been scared out of his wits would be an understatement.

He'd thrown himself to the floor beside her almost immediately, all traces of weariness gone the second he'd heard her whimper in pain and seen that Elide was biting her lower lip so hard it was drawing blood.

When they had established that it was just her cycle, Lorcan had taken her back to his bed and now they were both lying between the soft blankets she had given him.

They had both been puzzled by this new symptom. After all, Lorcan had never seen her suffer from her period in all the years they had lived together and neither of them had expected it to be any different this time.

Elide had had to joke that it was the fault of his huge cock that had literally stabbed her in the uterus, and Lorcan had apologised in earnest, looking at her with wide eyes and pulling away a little, as if he really felt guilty. She had burst out laughing and then pulled him to her again, taking one of his arms and putting it around her body so that his big hand covered her belly.

He'd started moving his fingers over her lower abdomen, applying pressure from time to time when she seemed to tense up due to a cramp. It helped, somehow, to have him there to massage her. To hold her to his chest as they cuddled.

Now, Elide kept her eyes closed, his head resting on top of hers as they both dozed. Or at least she thought so, because Lorcan spoke, his rough, low voice too close to her ear, "How do you feel?"

She sighed, pulling her knees up slightly. His legs immediately followed her, as if they couldn't bear to be away from her body. She smiled, "A little better." then yawned, "I guess it's the fact that I was already tired as it is, what with university and all."

Lorcan hummed behing her, "I see," then he moved, pulling away only briefly, "maybe we should take it slower, with everything I mean."

Elide nodded slowly. She turned her head towards him, still with her eyes closed, but pursed her lips forward, silently inviting him to kiss her. He chuckled, but a second later their mouths clashed in a simple peck on the lips.

The music playing from the speakers suddenly changed from the sweet melody of a love song to something quite different.

"Cause I eat up for a while, let me through. The shake, the screaming aloud, I'ma fool. In my face you shake, leaking everywhere."

Elide's eyes went wide, "Lorcan!" she let go a surprised chuckle, "What is this?" she turned to him fully and could finally see the satisfied smirk on his face.

"It's a playlist I made yesterday," he then lowered his voice an octave, looking at her lips, "For when we can take the time to think about music instead of jumping right into it," he murmured.

Elide swallowed, nodding slowly, continuing to listen to the song.

Definitely very different from what he normally provided her with.

"I like it," she continued, then draped her arms underneath his, resting her head against his chest as he pulled her close to him and lay on his back, making her lie completely on top of him, "our sex playlist." she smiled, playing with the ends of his hair.

Lorcan hummed again and Elide felt it throughout her whole body when he said, "I called it 'elide'."

She had to force herself to calm the hot spirits that that new information had triggered in her body, but she was glad to know that he wouldn't be able to use that playlist with other people, considering it bore her name.

"I like it even more now," she confessed under her breath.

His arms tightened around her back and then his hands began to rub her lower back, where he knew she was feeling the most pain. Elide fell silent, enjoying his warm hands on her skin, and only had time to thank him before sleep beckoned her again.

The playlists

01.02

1. The Fixer – Brent Morgan

2. Why iii Love The Moon – PHONY PPL

3. Couch Potato – Jakubi

4. Anyway – Noah Kahan

5. comethru – Jeremy Zucker

6. Why Not Me – Forrest.

7. Loving – Surfaces

8. always, i’ll care – Jeremy Zucker

9. Like Strangers Do – AJ Mitchell

10. Yellow Lights – Harry Hudson

11. Glue Myself Shut – Noah Kahan

12. Colour Me – Juke Ross  

13. Lovesong (The Way) – Charlie Burg

14. Lucky Love – Michael Seyer

15. Freak In Me – Mild Orange

elide

1. Skin – Rihanna

2. Do It For Me – Rosefield

3. Body Party – Ciara

4. When We – Tank

5. Rockstar – Rihanna

6. F***in Wit Me – Tank

7. On Top – Trey Songz

8. Acquainted – The Weeknd

9. Freaky – Gemaine

10. Make You Feel – Alina Baraz

11. First Fuck - 6LACK & Jhené Aiko

12. Young God - Halsey

13. How Many Times – DJ Khaled

14. Fuck You All The Time – Jeremih

18.02

1. I Don't Know Me Like You Do – Low Hum

2. I Don't Wanna Be Okay Without You – Charlie Burg

3. Why Can't I Have You – Gloria Laing

4. If I Go, I'm Goin – Gregory Alan Isakov

5. Let Me In – Skinny Living

6. Reason To Hate You – Rhys Lewis

7. Be Your Man – Rhys Lewis

8. Yours – Jake Scott

9. Loved Us More – Munn

tog tag list (if you wanna be removed or added just send an ask or dm me)

@maastrash​ @ireallyshouldsleeprn​ @sleeping-and-books​ @ladywitchling​ @thegoddessofyou​ @ghostlyrose2​ @claralady​ @anne-reads​ @sayosdreams​ @perseusannabeth​ @letstakethedawn​ @simping4bookboisngrls​ @post-it-notes33​ @booksstorm​ @nalgenewhore​ @queen-of-demons-and-hell​ @miserablemusings​ @lanyjoy-13 @vasudharaghavan​ @cupcakey00​ @bri-loves-sunflowers​ @queen-of-glass​ @thewayshedreamed​ @the-regal-warrior​ @fangirlprincess09​ @januarystears​ @rowaelinismyotp​

[turnthepage11]

tw: medical discussion, mention of prescription drug use

Personal Post: Appreciate any words of encouragement but honestly just trying to throw my thoughts out to the universe.

I’m struggling so hard right now folks. For context: I am 25. I have a lot of medical issues, rheumatoid arthritis, IBS, ADHD, PCOS. And those are just my long term diseases. When I turned 18 I started having hip pain on my left side accompanied by numbness. I had assumed it was my newly diagnosed arthritis and dismissed it for a few years. Almost three years ago, I finally brought it up to my doctor and long story short, we learned I had a hip impingement which is when there is extra bone on the ball of my hip, making it hurt to walk.

I had surgery last summer for it and while they were in my body, they learned I had a pretty bad labrum tear (on a scale of 1-4, I had a 3) and they fixed it when they removed the extra bone because even though it was decently bad, it never showed up on any of my scans.

Now my surgery didn’t really fix any of my hip problems. My base level of pain was lower, but with any activity it gets pretty high, pretty quickly. (That was context, let’s get to the past 36 hours).

On Friday afternoon, I went to go sit down in my desk chair at school (you know, nothing wild) and as I sit, I felt and heard a loud POP in the front side of my left hip. I yelled so loud, one of the kids who had passed my room a few seconds prior ran back to check on me (one of my sophomores, aka my og crew from year 1).

I stood up immediately and it felt like a muscle had just cramped so I tried walking it off. Sitting hurt the most, followed by standing, then walking so I walked for thirty minutes with a pretty severe limp, hoping that it would slowly go away the more I used it.

It got a little better, not much and then I had to sit for two hours to tutor two students who were on quarantine. Then I had my hour drive home where I turned on my heated seats since usually the heat helps my hip.

Well. It made my lower back hurt INSANELY bad (when it hadn’t hurt previously. Or at least less than my hip had so I hadn’t noticed it). When I got home from my hour commute, I could barely walk and carry my backpack into the house, let alone get up the three steps into my parents’ house.

I took leftover Percocet from my surgery last summer to help with the pain Friday night and it took my 8 pain level down to a 5 and I finally managed to fall asleep.

This morning I woke up and my limp wasn’t as bad, but my hip still hurt and so did my lower back and I was at a 7 on the pain scale. Despite that, I went to breakfast with my family and took another Percocet just so I could see how I would feel around 3 when it wore off since my RA is usually pretty bad in the morning too but calms down by 12 or so and I didn’t want to be worn down from my RA pain and my injury. Even with the Percocet, I was still at 4/5 all morning.

I ended up falling asleep around 11:45 because I don’t sleep too much during the week combined with the med and woke up at 3 at a 7 on the pain scale. I asked my best friend who is a BSN if I needed to go to the ER taking all the above in consideration and the fact that the Percocet didn’t do too terribly much for my pain and she told me I needed to go asap ESPECIALLY because it was my surgery hip.

So I went to my rinky dink rural medicine hospital. They put me in a room for two hours and forgot about me until the doctor finally saw me on his list, came and saw me and said “I don’t know why the hell they put you in this room when I need you in a bed to test your range of motion.” (I was in an old closet with a phlebotomy chair.)

He did range of motion in my hip. Not the worse I’ve ever had but not great either. Said he felt how swollen I was in my hip and thought I might have retorn my labrum or even had one of the strings repairing my labrum last year break. The only thing he could do was a CT, not an MRI, to see if my hip or one of my vertabrae had came out of place. Luckily they hadn’t (though at this point I almost wish they had. It might have been an easier fix.)

He recommended I take three days off of work, go on crutches, and take it easy. I’m a middle/high school English teacher who is semestered by double periods. Missing three days of work is like missing six class days. I barely wanted crutches, I’ve walked like this for a day, how are crutches gonna help? But then I got a steroid shot and it made the pain a solid 8. The doctor kept checking on me and saw me crying so he gave me a shot of morphine and I told him I changed my mind, I wanted the crutches.

I’m hopeful that in the morning I’ll feel at least marginally better. I don’t think I will, but I’m gonna hope for it at least. He gave me steroids, Percocet for the week (which I’ll only be able to take at night because obviously I can’t teach kids while having Percocet in me), and anti nausea meds just in case. But I have to call my doctor who did the surgery for a follow up… which wouldn’t be bad except he’s four hours away. And he’s probably going to request the special MRI I got to confirm I needed surgery. Which I can only get done down where he practices. So that’s two sick days gone right there.

God forbid I actually need surgery to fix a tear FROM SITTING DOWN IN A FUCKING CHAIR. I’ll use all my sick time right there. (I only have 20 days and 3 personal. I take sick days for appointments often because of my specialist appointments and my work bestie is getting married on a Sunday in May so I’m taking a personal day for the following day.) I told my work bestie that the doctor wanted me to take three days off and she said to do it, I had the time and when I pointed out the potential for surgery, she cringed and agreed with what I said about sticking it out for the next three days.

And to top it all off, my parents are acting like I’m over exaggerating. I asked my mom to take my car and drop me off because my legs had started to go weak (which was the entire reason I went to the ER and not the pain. Because I assumed something had happened to my back for my legs to go weak.) She refused, so I drove myself. Was going to drive myself home until the doctor gave me a morphine shot. When I got in the car complaining about my hip, starting to cry about the recommendations, my dad just told me “that’s life kid, deal with it.”

I don’t feel comfortable unloading this on my coworker friends because I know this is a lot. But I’m just so… disappointed. I have lost thirty pounds this year, a major goal of my doctors but never really pushed. Got better at taking my medicine (thank you ADHD diagnosis and medication). But like, I am 25 and might have to have hip surgery… again. And my doctor had said if he had to go in again there was a high chance I would have to get a hip replacement because any additional repairs might be hard with how much damage I had done to my labrum already.

I’m tired, my body is exhausted, I’m already dreading the outcome and time off I’m going to be taking over the next month because of this. I’m annoyed by my parents’ reaction to the whole thing. I’m dreading work this week because I know everyone is going to say something about me being in crutches.

This just sucks folks. I was having such an okay school year until this decided to say “nah, sucks to be you.”

[my-darling-boy]

what about California suits you poorly?

A LOT and I’m so stressed I’m just going to vent about it, I’m sorry I need to let this out:

1. Weather is fucking awful in so many counties, especially where I live. It gets to 110-120F in the summer for 2 months, half the year it’s 90+. We get rain/grey skies MAYBE in total for 2 weeks out of the entire year. I’ve suffered for years from reversed seasonal depression (where you get so much sun you get depressed) which means my mental health is only at it’s best in the cold or with grey skies and gloomy weather, can’t take pills for it because of the side effects. I also have a skin condition that flares up in the heat which means I can’t go outside, at the worst part of the year, for anymore that 30 seconds without stinging horrible pain over my whole body, can’t get the injection to take care of it cos that’s just one more injection I’d have to worry about

2. We’re on constant wildfire watch about half the year, sometimes more. We’ve been at risk of evacuating 3 times but thankfully haven’t had to ever evacuate. However, my grandparents have had to twice and I have family that lost their houses in the Tubbs Fire which also destroyed my home town and so many people are still displaced from the fires. Even counties that don’t have to evacuate suffer from the purple-red zone for air quality due to smoke and I have high sensitivity to smoke which means I have a constant sore throat for all of fire season which is like 7 months out of the year and I would prefer not to look out my window and see a charcoal sky or a burning Star Wars Tattooine red sunset so often that it becomes normal.

3. I dunno what ads are shown in other states about California, but unless you are a millionaire, but I’ve found it’s near impossible to live here without at least two roommates all working a 40 hour week. Everyone my age has roommates or a partner mainly cos it’s so difficult to live on your own. It is in the top 3 most expensive states in the country. Low income housing 2 minutes away from me is priced at $600,000-$700,000 and the homes just next to those in gated communities are $1,000,000+. “”“Affordable””one bedroom flats just near me are $2,500-$3000 a month. And I don’t even live in a major city. If I moved out now, I would be classified as living in poverty with what money I have. For a look at how bad it’s gotten, my dad’s childhood home in the 70s was once $100,000 and it just sold last year for over $1,500,000.

4. There are no outlets for my career or job wants. At all. My main interest/knowledge is in Western Europe around that 1880-1920 period and mainly around WWI, and I reenact a British soldier. I love that history, theatre, art.... but on the off chance I had $60,000 a semester to go to the universities here I wanted to get a degree after transferring from a junior college, I have nowhere to apply that here. There are practically zero WWI events for me to reenact here, minus Newville and a couple others and there is no target audience for all my WWI writing and art because barely anyone gives a damn about WWI here (the Joke I’d always hear in school was “WWI? What even was that?” and we would learn about it for MAYBE two weeks out of 12 years of schooling). There aren’t museums I’d want to work at here, there aren’t shops I’d love to work for, there aren’t historical places I feel attached to to work there. I cannot tell you how fucking ECSTATIC I was to see actual WWI items in museums in England because I’d never seen anything like it here!! Like??? I could’ve fucking cried because I was so happy to be in a place where my interests had meaning to people?? Like last time I was there, literally a man in an elevator got into a Deep conversation with us about how sad WWI was and how it’s still emotional for people which was WILD because here I’m always told to “be smart and get interested in something that actually matters”. Like I’m sorry but it is SO draining to be so passionate about something it feels like no one around you ever cares about

5. The Style I specifically have is SO unnecessarily pricey to have here. California never had an Edwardian Period the way they did in the countries I studied, which means that there are, surprise, pretty much zero places to buy clothing/items from that period and if you do happen to find them, they’re outrageously expensive and the cuts of the garments aren’t even the ones I’m looking for, for instance, because America had slightly different fashion. No one here sells the clothing I dream of having, I have to order a majority of my stuff from England meaning it costs A LOT and I pay like $80+ in shipping for some things. My reenactment gear is so expensive to have shipped here as well!! I’m also so ://// cos I see all my friends from Europe just going out and causally finding items I’d love to have at decent prices cos they’re just staple antique shop items there which would be classified as rarities here. Like...... to know I could just walk into a physical shop somewhere and pay £15 for a collar or something that would’ve cost me $45 to have shipped here is just AAAAAHHHH??? Like the only reason why my dream life Brand isn’t as developed as I would like is because that Brand just doesn’t exist anywhere here and it’s so disappointing

6. Additionally, I plan on going to Europe when it’s much safer to travel anyway throughout my life just to visit all these places I want to, if I don’t end up living there somewhere, but flights from California to these places are so expensive because I’m always traveling so far and my flight is always 11-12 hours straight which would be fine if it wasn’t in cramped quarters filled with strangers

7. Ultimately, I just feel so alone and empty here. I look out around me and see an American capitalist wasteland, Hollywood drama in my backyard, stark blue skies with a blazing unforgiving sun, no places I Vibe with, no place I feel interested to live, no place I feel interested to work at, and nothing to be happy about. My parents are planning to move after my dad retires, my grandparents on both sides are getting quite older now, and my family on both sides I’m not all that close with, I used to see a lot and now I see maybe once every 1-2 years. I’m not a little kid anymore and it’s just time for me to leave and everything just feels so wrong about living here in ways I don’t even have words for

8. Adding: the job situation here has been so bad for a long time and because of that, I’ve reached a point where I’m selling my car to have the money I need to move out! I’m either going to have to find a place to live where I can walk or take the metro or something because I don’t have cash left over to by another car once I sell the one I have so RIP