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ahiddenpath · 3 years

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Life Talk

Whew, I feel like everything has been happening. How you doin?

I’m all over the place, dude.

I got my second covid vaccination on Friday. I haven’t been eating solids, mostly soup and a smoothie, because I’m nauseous. There’s a bit of fatigue. That’s about it, though, it’s been alright.

I was having heath problems, but I wanted to see a specialist before I said anything. Basically, my gallbladder has a ton of stones, but my symptoms aren’t 100% aligned with gallstone problems. The most common gallstone treatment is to have the gallbladder removed... But I can’t be sure the issue is the gallstones, so it seemed like a gamble.

What happens is I wake up in extreme pain, then spend 3-5 hours in pain, sometimes vomiting. I can’t describe what it’s like- it’s like... Forgetting you’re human, not cognizant of anything but pain.

This has happened before. It will be a problem for a few weeks, then vanish for 1-2 years. I started taking milk thistle (silymarin), and it reduced the pain and eliminated the vomiting, but I was losing so much sleep. It felt like my whole life was being awake when I was supposed to be asleep, and asleep when I was meant to be awake.

It seems to have passed, which is great. I saw a specialist, and she confirmed that removing the gallbladder would be a gamble, since my symptoms aren’t a slam dunk for gallstone issues. I’m committing to a reduced fat diet; if that works, then fantastic! Meanwhile, the milk thistle improves liver/gallbladder health, and I bought supplements that are said to break up kidney and gall stones.

I’ve actually been learning a lot about supplements and non... traditional??? Treatments. It seems that a bunch of charlatans have put people off to a type of medicine that can be... well, really effective! But apparently the big thing is to source herbal treatments and supplements that are legit/ aren’t snake oil. It’s really interesting, because... Something like milk thistle? Medical websites will say something like, “It is believed to support liver and gallbladder help, but no studies show...”. Other sites will say, “It’s been used for liver and gallbladder health for centuries.” So, it’s basically, “no medical research” vs “effectively used for centuries (often by native people).”

My specialist warned me that most doctors will suggest the surgery, and, if I try a gastroenterologist, they will also point me to surgery. Americans have a system where everything is about patching up the problem instead of managing conditions with lifestyle changes- for gallstones, that’s chiefly ingesting less fat/learning to get good fats from foods like nuts.

Anyway, tl-dr: I’ve been having a difficult time lately, but I’m fine! I have to make some lifestyle changes, is all. I bought a nutrition book, and I’m looking into natural ways to break up gallstones. I’ve been exercising and safely losing weight.

Four Years update coming on the weekend of 4/10! Mwah!

#hidden's life

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carlisle980 · 5 years

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Thinking a lot of random thoughts right now.

Perhaps, assuming humanity survives COVID-19, we introverts will finally be given the respect we are due. Imagine if we were no longer the butt of every joke. If we were seen as equally valid by the extrovert majority.

It’s strange to see and hear so few planes in the air. I live within 10 minutes of a major airport and there are typically more planes that fly overhead than cars up and down my street. Now there’s not much of either. It reminds me of the days immediately following 9/11.

I’m not worried about getting sick. My life has been one of minimal exposure to people outside my immediate family for the past several years, and now the places I did go have been shuttered.

I worry about my dad, in his late 60’s, who nearly died from botched gallbladder surgery a few years ago and has never quite been the same since. He’s currently working all the hours his employer will give him as he prepares to retire in early May. His job is public-facing and service-oriented, and he has few reserves with which to fight the virus, should he get sick.

I worry about my son. He has reactive airway disease, AKA asthma that only rears its head when he has an upper respiratory infection. Sometimes he’ll get a cold and be just fine; other times he coughs until he throws up, and wheezes, and turns blue. We’re managing his condition proactively and since we switched to this approach he has been so much better. But all it would take is for his dad to be exposed to someone at work (he’s a government contractor; federal employees with the agency he supports have been placed on a maximum telework order but this does not apply to contractors). The four of us who don’t have an underlying lung condition could never get sick and still give it to our little man. I’m terrified every day that my husband leaves the house. Every day resets the 14-day window for the onset of symptoms.

I worry about my Nanny. The one who has survived a spinal collapse, pneumonia, and a heart attack, all since we were together at the end of November. She hasn’t really been home since before Christmas, bouncing between rehabilitation care and hospital. She has just been moved into assisted living (everyone swears it’s only temporary) because she needs to regain a lot of strength before she can go home. Her state was one of the only holdouts not reporting cases of COVID-19 until last weekend. Now, among those that have been reported, there’s a man in his 80s in an assisted living facility who is ill. In a different facility, but the same county as my grandmother. The facility where she is staying has restricted visitors. My mom can’t even go see her right now. This is good. They are examining employees before each shift, making sure they do not have fever or show symptoms. Also good. Except for the fact that asymptomatic people are the ones driving the spread of this damned thing.

All winter I thought ... if we can just get through till spring. It’ll be light again. Birds singing. The earth coming back to life. I’ll be with Nanny and all will be right with the world. Well, the earth is waking up again, but this time it’s hard to find any hope in that. I’m taking pictures of every pretty spring thing. Going to make an album of them and send it to Nanny. I can tell myself that in a couple of months I’ll be sitting on the porch with her, drinking coffee together while we watch clouds move over the bay. But I could be kidding myself.

#coronavirus #covid19 #thoughts #scared

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scientia-rex · 5 years

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Overly long life update

Today I helped take out a big hunk of jejunem. Je... jejenum??? oh god I haven’t had to spell this in a while. Hang on. Jejunem! I was right. Thank god. Anyway, sometimes this rotation feels a lot like med school, in that I don’t have to write a lot of notes (I’m rounding on a couple of patients per day but the attendings do NOT give a shit), and I’m in all the surgeries I want to be instead of stuck doing floor work like the interns in my program last year (or like surgical interns).

Unopposed programs are great. I mean, there’s something to be said for the camaraderie you can develop with residents in other programs who are also suffering greatly, but being family med means that in a hospital with other residency programs you’re always fighting someone for experience.

The jejunem had a big, super nasty abscess with a lot of mint-green purulence that was definitely toothpaste-y in texture. It started out more like traditional pus (white, gooey) but something bad had clearly happened to it. Mesenteric abscess. Still not sure why she looked like she was dying--maybe it subtly perforated somewhere--but anyway, it was a cool case and I got to be with my favorite attending, who I would marry if she and I weren’t both already married. I also don’t know if I could make her be into me! But I’ve always liked a challenge. Most boring part of being married: no longer the opportunities to try to make someone want to sleep with me.

I’m on call, and it sucks but the fun thing is this is Surgery call and I’m not first call. Sure, if there’s a consult or a surgery I’ll probably get called in, but I’m not getting bugged about everybody’s fucking bowel regimen! That goes right to the attending! This program/rotation is topsy-turvy from EVERYWHERE ELSE in that respect. When I’m on Medicine call it’s me, and I hate it, and I hate it with a fiery all-consuming passion that makes me seriously reconsider my commitment to rural medicine, but Surgery call is comparatively much less hellish unless there are stacked overnight surgeries, which has been known to happen (but not, so far, to me).

Not looking forward to rounding tomorrow morning and operating real early on the gallbladder case my weekend call attending didn’t want to operate on until the pancreatitis got a little bit better. I’m getting so tired of gallbladders. I’ve seen so many of them and STILL only, like, three appendices, total.

Anyway!!!! I’m on an unceasing rollercoaster where I can never decide whether I’m grateful and happy or suicidally rage-filled. I love a lot of things out here. I also realized earlier that one of the receptionist people in the surgery clinic building is a girl who was my “best friend” (ish) in 9th grade until I stole her boyfriend (he was, of course, AWFUL) who I drifted apart from after high school until we “reconnected” on Facebook (where she made disparaging comments about my butt in one picture I posted) and then she said something super pissy and weird and I unfriended her. She had like a whole conspiracy theory about how I’d ruined her life. I was like, look, I stole ONE boyfriend, ONCE, and told some people a weird thing you said about sex, that is NOT a conspiracy. And that boyfriend was so terrible I technically did you a favor. Very #MeToo memories from that guy. “Didn’t meet the legal definition of rape!” is not the same thing as “positive, healthy relationship.”

So moving home is a MIXED BAG. Very mixed bag. I was not an uncontroversial figure at the sixth to twelfth grade level and I’m frankly alarmed that I agreed to a teaching event for students up at the high school because there’s a decent chance I’ll run into a) the teacher I asked out after I graduated, and THAT would be very awkward since I then ghosted him and have since come to see him not shooting me down as yet more manifestation of the gross entitlement of men, or b) someone else I don’t even remember I have weird awkward shit with until I see them. Like the Physics teacher I made cry by eating my notebook while maintaining eye contact with him.

I’m a lot, guys. I’m like a lot a lot. Always have been and I assume I always will be. Me with a scalpel is honestly the chillest manifestation of me yet. I have generated fewer enemies since settling down, but only because I value my partner’s feelings enough to not sleep with anyone else and therefore have stopped stealing other people’s significant others/romantic opportunities/complicated friendships. (I had a roommate once give me holy hell for sleeping with her bisexual friend when SHE wasn’t bisexual and wasn’t going to sleep with the friend but was VERY invested in being the only women her bisexual friend was in love with! I was like FUCK YOU SHE’S CUTE AND SHE CLIMBED INTO MY BED! and slammed out the door and went to buy a loaf of bread. And on the way ran into the guy on whom I wasted two years of my life because he was B E E F Y and had long curly hair, which is A Theme for me.)

(.......I stole WAY more than my fair share of people back when I was single and free to ho around. But really, if your significant other is that easy to steal, you should know that before you invest heavily in them. I never went after anyone who was married or who had a kid. That was a bright line.)

(Anyway, it’s not like it’s not my FAULT moving home is complicated, but WOW is it ever. My husband’s ex-girlfriend is coming back to town and there’s an article about her in the paper and while I suspect he’s over that, since it was fifteen years ago, part of my brain is still jealous!!!! Absurd! Yet true!)

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twatfaceforlife · 2 years

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Had the worst few days I’ve had in a while, I’ve been in hospital with gallstones, thankfully the blockage cleared itself so I didn’t have to have an endoscopy 🥺🥺 but I have a gallbladder full of stones and the only way we get rid of that is by surgery. Normally I’m not phased but with how the hospitals currently are I think I’m more scared of coming around from surgery being in an environment on my own because I panic when I wake up during the night at times so I know that’s making me so fearful. On top of that I’ll have 4 holes in my stomach which is going to make getting dressed so incredibly hard, I won’t be bothered being at home and not wearing any clothes but the thought of having to ask complete strangers to help me get dressed gives me anxiety! I don’t know what I’m gunna do or if I’m going to be aloud at least someone there whilst I’m waking up but I’ll just have to see, I know she said she’d be there for me and fight to be there whilst I’m coming round from surgery but that makes me feel guilty, that she shouldn’t have to do that stuff, I mean I am greatful because I love her and having her their whilst I wake up would mean the world to me but I couldn’t expect her to pause her day just for me. I need to arrange someone to come help with Neville if I need to but I can always ask Chloe if she can help out, I don’t know, I’m scared and it’s starting to show, I know it’s for the best and I’ll feel much better but it’s up to that point where I have to struggle, I’m holding off taking the harder tablets so I’m not completely monged out if my face but sometimes the pain is unbearable, I’m eating such a reduced diet and had to swap so much food around to accommodate surgery taking place, no more greasy or fatty foods, I have to drink almond/oat milk to stop a flare up in my stomach, I’m eating soup and very low calorie yogurts to help digestion it’s for the best and I won’t feel so sluggish and in pain but it sucks, I don’t wanna feel like this going forward it’s exhausting, I’m just yeah, I know you’ll not see this, but I hope having some time with your brother over the weekend helps you relax and not worry over wether I’ll be okay, I love and miss you but I’m always going to feel like that, your always going to be my number 1 🥺❤️ if anything happens to be during surgery or I end up sick again remember you’ll always be my number 1 girl, you’ll forever be the person I’ll love for the rest of ny life, and I’m incredibly sorry for everything.

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survhaiz · 4 years

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nine

ever felt like you were being used? yes.

is it worth crying over a guy or a girl? crying releases oxytocin which is an endorphin that makes you feel good, so yeah. you’re ultimately gonna feel better after crying, meaning it’s definitely worth it.

who did you last talk to on the phone for longer than 10 minutes? Jackie.

did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today? oh shit, that reminds me that i still have to text Anna back.

has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before? probably.

do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? i can tell him almost everything.

do you have a reason to smile right now? i know i do. it’s just a hard time right now.

what do you currently hear right now? Keith is playing some fighting game on his old Nintendo system.

do you think you can last in a relationship for three months? i have.

when was the last time you cried really hard? earlier today.

closest green object to you? the tops of my water flavoring containers.

what color are your eyes? hazel.

do you find piercings and tattoos attractive? they can be.

what do you hate about your school? i don’t have a school currently.

have you ever kissed a blue-eyed person? i don’t think so. maybe, actually. i don’t remember if either of the Tyler’s had blue eyes.

do you make eye contact when you talk to people? i try to but sometimes it feels like it’s too much so i’ll stop.

where is your phone? on the bed next to me.

if you found out your friend was smoking weed, would you be disappointed? lol, no.

would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or neck? cheek if it’s cute, neck if it’s to get me ~iN tHe MoOd~.

could you cry right now? i feel like i could always cry.

the shirt your wearing, does anyone else have it? in the world? i’m assuming yeah.

do you get irritated easily? i can. i don’t want to anymore, though.

what were you doing at 4AM? sleeping.

are you more of a night or morning person? night.

when did you talk on the phone last? today at some point.

how fast does your mood change? it depends on the situation and the person i’m talking to. it can usually change pretty quickly.

are you a jealous person? i can be.

would you go in public looking like you do right now? yes.

when is the last time you saw your sister? i last saw Maggie a few hours ago and i last saw Jackie yesterday.

do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? not personally, but Robin Williams did have the same birthday as me.

what are you doing this weekend? working.

are you an alcoholic? no.

do you like to sleep? love it.

are you anything like the person you were last year? for the most part.

would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris? Paris.

last time you had a nice bubble bath? baths are disgusting so probably not since i was a little kid.

do you like silver or gold better? silver.

was yesterday terrible? not particularly.

does it make you mad when people stare at you? i don’t like being perceived.

what was last thing you drank? water.

what are you doing tonight? made dinner, ate dinner, did laundry, now i’m taking a survey. i’ll probably go on TikTok again before bed.

can you honestly say you’re okay right now? i’m feeling okay at this very second.

will tomorrow be better than today? i hope so.

do you still talk to your friends from elementary school? no. i don’t even really talk to my friends from high school.

do you like dressing up? sometimes.

has anyone laid on your bed besides you? a handful of people.

how do you feel when someone kisses you on your forehead? it’s cute.

how many times have you dyed your hair? too many to count.

who was the last person you had a face to face conversation with? Keith.

have you ever walked away from someone who was yelling at you? yes, and i need to start doing it more often.

did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yes.

when you say you don’t care do you mean it? about certain things.

are you sitting or standing? laying.

you’re covered in soap in the shower, when you realize you’ve got company -- it’s a spider. what do you do? scream and hop out of the shower and make Keith get it.

where is your biological mother right now? in her bedroom.

what time did you wake up this morning? i think, like, 10:30.

what are you doing tomorrow? working.

do you like to cuddle? sometimes.

has anyone lied to you today? i’m not sure. you’d have to ask them.

have you ever been called beautiful? yes.

has anyone upset you in the last week? yes.

what’s something you do when you’re mad? cry.

do you always answer your phone? i hate answering my phone.

will you be up before 7AM tomorrow? probably not.

how many people of the opposite sex do you trust? i don’t think i trust anyone.

is there alcohol in your house? maybe somewhere.

how often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? it depends on who i’m talking to. it’s getting harder and harder to do that.

do you curse in front of your parents? yes.

where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed? i don’t remember. hotel in Wisconsin, maybe?

how many pillows do you sleep with? two.

are you white? yes.

was it sunny today? i honestly can’t remember.

would you ever consider dying all of your hair blue? yes.

last thing you ate? vegan dumplings and noodles with mushrooms. then some gluten free Oreos.

would you ever pick gum up from the ground and eat it? no.

has anyone taken your pants off in the past two weeks? yes.

are you wearing jewelry right now? no.

have you ever gotten surgery? a few. ear tubes, three Bartholin cyst surgeries, gallbladder removal.

who are you in the room with? Keith.

what are three things you did today? went to Walmart, picked up my mom, went tanning.

are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches? i’m 5′8.

are you planning to go to a movie anytime soon? probably not, considering COVID’s still a thing.

what was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? how tired i was and how much i wanted to go back to bed.

do you ever feel curious about how people see you? yes.

are you someone who worries too often? yes.

what did your last text say? to Keith, telling him i was on my way home from Meijer after picking up my mom.

what is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? i like it in oatmeal. or on waffles.

#survey

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deadly-dealings · 4 years

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When the Church Fails You

In my last post I hinted at how my most recent church (that I’ve been attending about 4 years) has failed me - this of course leads people to ask what? Why? How? So let’s dive into that a bit..

We will start with the lack of policies.. the general lack of care and not feeling that we have a church "family".. (all very valid reasons something may fail you). I had mentioned leaving pre-pandemic to my husband and we were just trying to see if that was right, so no this is not entirely because of Covid, but certainly the pandemic didn’t help matters, as then covid came and we continued to have worship and multiple people to create an elaborate livestream when we should have been following stay at home orders and NOT having worship or even anyone in the church really (others managed to live stream with one person from their home... so why not our staff of younger people who know technology?) The church staff continued to post selfies with non-family members right next to us and unmasked.. the church continued to schedule events inviting come one come all and not posting any rules and regulations about masks or distancing.. the "staff" didn’t actually reach out to really anyone to get opinions or feedback but instead did whatever they wanted which resulted in more people getting covid than probably necessary (oh yes we had an outbreak among staff and members alike) - and then only to have someone reach out to see when my husband is coming back to volunteer.. and doesn't understand why he said he isn't so had 2 more people call to see if he is coming back and when. And then to have someone reach out about the church hosting a watch party for a virtual conference (and oh yeah bring some friends too so there’s even MORE people) and I replied that I'm still not doing large gatherings so I wouldn't be there and the reply I got was less than sensitive or sincere when it had to do with “oh having covid myself I get it completely” .. um... no.. I don’t think you do get it or you wouldn’t still be holding these types of events. I think they finally have accepted our no on not coming back this year.. which primarily is simply because neither one of us quarantined.. we were both essential workers and I have been around covid a lot.. so we don't feel it is smart for us to be around large crowds for their safety because we could be carriers.. no one knows.

I haven't felt like there was a family for a while. So, I have decided I will not be returning as I have absolutely no desire and likely if I returned I would say some un-nice things to people because my patience has worn thin for the things I see. In my opinion there is never any communication or reaching out. For example, I grew up in a small church where everyone pretty much knew everyone and when something happened (wedding, funeral, baby, surgery, whatever..) you always heard from people (not everyone but people) and the Pastor showed up.. that is church family to me.. I mean legit my Pastor from when I was like 8 is still very much a part of my family and attended my wedding. So I was really excited when my husband started taking me to his church because it felt like maybe it was the same.. then the Pastor eventually expressed concerns to my husband about the example he was setting for the children (as he serves in the Youth ministry) because he was living with me and still was not divorced yet legally, so that’s when I felt the judgment began because instead of hearing the story or finding out his history and maybe praying for his successful divorce and/or future would have been more appropriate. Then I was sad about how many we decided to invite to our wedding from our church that either flat ignored the invite or worse rsvp’d and didn't show.. we had a very tight guest list due to space limitations and decided a good portion of it should be for our church family due to that being the people we thought we would being doing life with well into the future and why not begin celebrating that immediately? And so it kind of felt more like a slap in the face..

So fast forward a couple months.. where I ended up in the emergency room twice - had my gallbladder removed in a complicated surgery that left me overnight in a hospital for the first time ever.. barely married so my husband was a basket case and then my mom was in a hit and run accident and hospitalized across town.. so I was a basket case as I couldn’t get to her and my sister lives in another city. This is when the pastor should have shown up.. Any. One. Of. Them. Or called or text.. and no nothing. I had surgery on a Friday.. I finally heard from somone on Sunday night and ended up having 2 visitors on Tuesday (originally I was supposed to go back to work Tuesday but took an extra day off..) But no one reached out to my husband.. no one offered support while I was in the hospital like with the kids or anything and that is when I knew we still didn't have a church family. So we naturally started missing more Sundays.. because we were both upset.. really only going the weekends one of us was scheduled to serve..

Fast forward a couple more months.. I was fired. Did anyone reach out to see how I was handling it? If we needed anything (cuz I’m the main income)? I mean anything at all.. no. I fought depression most of September (I don’t really think many noticed this because you learn how to be an adult and put on a happy face so often in life) - forced myself to make a decision on my path and went back to work after 3 weeks of being off because we needed the income mainly and I knew I would become more depressed about my situation if I didn’t do something and get back on top. Again - still felt unsupported..

So wrap all of this up - where still I cannot handle the things being posted on social from many that attend and are actively involved in our church - I still feel the lack of support - then that’s why I say the church failed me. God didn’t fail me because He is always with me and I know that I am the church without being in a physical building or around other people. He knows what he needs to work on with me and with others and I accept this is part of my path and the plan laid out for me. I just want to be very clear on my stance on this - that I’m not calling into question the plan or path - nor am I even upset with the church failing me. Sometimes it happens. I didn’t attend a church for MANY years due to the disconnect I felt and so maybe this was just the baby stepping stone to where I’m headed. That’s fine.

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scatteredwits · 7 years

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i just wrote a blog post for the first time in two months.

i wrote it...but it wasn’t the one i wanted to actually write. but i had to write this one first...

so i wrote about something that happened today. to do that, i went back and read some of the posts i wrote during lent. and man, that girl had a firm grasp of God.

that is what i wanted to write about.

my good friend has been in hospital all weekend (friday-sunday, with the possibility of at least one more, maybe two more days) following a routine surgery (gallbladder and THEN emergency appendectomy). of course, after her routine surgery, she had a bleeder they didn’t catch for a few hours. and then she lost too much blood. and then she needed a transfusion and oh did you know that even though they sound innocuous, transfusions can be dangerous? yeah.

this seventeen year old is fighting for her life after an outpatient surgery and there i was in the old navy break room crying to Jesus to save my girl.

i’m sitting there trying to figure out how any of this is God’s plan, how this trial is helpful for anyone. and i’m coming up blank and after a year of blank moments, i can’t take one more.

and i’m praying there in the freezing cold break room. my hands are actually folded. folded so tight that i can feel my left hand press into my right, aware of each and every finger, as if holding them tightly together will make my prayer louder and more meaningful to God.

i still don’t understand but i can 100% without guilt say “thank you Jesus” when i get the text that the transfusion went well, no allergic reactions, and that everyone is pretty pleased with how things ended up. my heart rests a little bit.

it breaks again when i read that because of all this mess, she is looking at months of recovery, not for her actual surgery, but because of the anemia from the loss of blood. why did this happen? were the doctors at fault? was it her body? and again i ask, how can any of this be part of God’s plan? where is the glory in this?

as i read through my post from my lent book club in preparation for the blog post i actually wrote, some girl i don’t recognize any more (the “me” of earlier this year) says things like “tell God you hate his plan. talk to him about what bothers you. put your fears into words, tell him what you are afraid you might lose. don’t be afraid of retribution; if Jesus can ask for another way about crucifixion, you can tell God you think his plan stinks.”

i also read reminders of hope: God listened to Job and spoke WITH him. God was faithful to his people in the desert, even in their disobedience. God is slow to anger, abounding in love. Great is God’s faithful love towards us. The faithfulness of God endures forever.

So i sit here on my couch, marveling at how sure I could have been of the faithfulness of God just months ago. I wonder at this woman’s firm grasp of a God that sometimes feels distant and overly mysterious. how we can be the same person is a mystery. but -- and i’m blaming the HP marathon on how i make this last point-- like harry seeing himself form a patronus, knowing that i believed all this about God in the past, gives me great hope for belief now. because in my pain and suffering, i have to believe he hasn’t changed. and if i believed him before, i have to trust that i can believe him again and rest in the knowledge that he is faithful, even and especially when it doesn’t feel like he is.

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soybeantree · 7 years

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really freaking long ? tag

it’s been so long since we’ve gotten this and we are so sorry! that being said the original person who tagged us was erased, so if this was you please let us know and we’ll edit! but we LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU!

Rules: You must answer these 92 statements and tag people

THE LAST 1.Drink: e: milk h: Protein Shake 2.Phone call: e: mom h: em 3.Text message: e: hana h: em 4.Song you listened to: e: Slow Hands - Niall Horan h: HERO (Broadcasting Ver.) 5.Time you cried: e: idk. probably at a commercial yesterday. h: Listening to Supermarket Flowers 6.Dated someone twice: e: nope. h: negative 7.Been Cheated on: e: nope. h: negative 8.Kissed someone and regretted it: e: nope h: yes 9.Lost someone special: e: is this a yes or when? h: no 10.Been depressed: e: mm h: hahahahaha 11.Gotten drunk and thrown up: e: last fall h: february

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: e: green, blue && purple h: Orange and yellow (there isn’t a third)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15.Made new friends: e: yes h: yes 16.Fallen out of love: e: nope h: yes 17.Laughed until you cried: e: so many times; i’m a laughing activist h: probably 18.Found out someone was talking about you: e: yes h: yes 19.Met someone who changed you: em: idk h: not really 20.Found out who your true friends are: e: yes h: yes 21.Kissed someone on your Facebook list: e: no h: technically yes

GENERAL…

22.How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: e: oh my. idk. hopefully all of them. h: I think yes 23.Do you have any pets: e: yes. a dog and two cats. h: no

24.Do you want to change your name: e: nah h: nope 25.What did you do for your last birthday: e: on the actual day i lounged around and made gifs of the ‘my swagger’ m/v, but my parents had visited the weekend before. h: worked 26.What time did you wake up: e: 9 h: 7 27.What were you doing at midnight last night: e: reading h: sleeping 28.Name something you cannot wait for: e: the mx concert h: <- same

29.When was the last time you saw your mother: e: a couple weekends ago h: yesterday 30.What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: e: just one thing? my ability to procrastinate. h: my lack of motivation

31.What are you listening to right now: e: Really Really h: Spring Day 32.Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: e: yes h: yes 33.Something that is getting on your nerves: e: work drama h: butt hurt people 34.Most visited website: e: probably tumblr h: tumblr 35.Elementary: e: check h: yes 36, High School: e: check h: yes 37.College: e: check h: yes 38.Hair color: h: brown and blonde h: brown 39.Long or short hair: e: long hair h: short 40.Do you have a crush on someone: e: do my biases count? h: over 21 people

41.What do you like about yourself: e: umm...my eyebrows h: my brain

42.Piercings: e: basic ears h: ears 43.Blood type: e: ab+ h: ab+ 44. Nickname: e: em, squirrel, h: lou bob, squirt, han 45.Relationship status: e: single h: single 46.Zodiac sign: e: gemini h: leo 47.Pronouns: e: her h: her 48.Favorite tv show: e: idk atm. h: don’t have one 49.Tattoos: e: yes, two. h: yes, one.

50.Right or left hand: e: right. h: right

FIRST… 51.Surgery: e: no h: gallbladder and liver biopsy 52.Piercing: e: basic h: ears 54.Sport: e: soccer or t-ball h: softball 55.Vacation: e: destin, fl h: Washington DC 56.Pair of trainers: e: how am i supposed to know when i got my first pair of sneakers? h: I got my first converse when I was sixteen. Black High Tops. Still wear them

MORE GENERAL… 57.Eating: e: nothing h: nohing 58.Drinking: e: protein shake h: nothing 59.I’m about to: e: make my way through all of our backed up drafts h: watch youtube vids 61.Waiting for: e: september h: september 62.Want: e: to move h: to have purpose in life 63.Get married: e: mhm sure. h: one day 64.Career: e: working on it h: want one

WHICH IS BETTER… 65.Hugs or kisses: e: hugs h: kisses 66.Lips or eyes: e: yeah both h: eyes 67.Shorter or taller: e: taller h: taller 68.Older or younger: e: meh, i should say older but idc. h: thanks to kpop both 70.Nice arms or nice stomach: e: arms h: arms

71.Sensitive or loud: e: both h: loud 72.Hook up or relationship: e: relationship h: relationship

73.Troublemaker or hesitant: e: i don’t really want a troublemaker, but i can’t handle hesitant h: trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER… 74.Kissed a stranger?: e: no h: no 75.Drank hard liquor? : e: yes h: yes 76.Lost glasses contact/lenses? : e: all the time h: yes 77.Turned someone down?: e: idk h: yes 78.Sex on first date?: e: no h: no 79.Broken someone’s heart?: e: doubtful h: nah 80.Had your heart broken?: e: yeah h: no 81.Been arrested?: e: no h: no 82.Cried when someone died?: e: yes h: no 83.Fallen for a friend?: e: yes h: no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84.Yourself?: e: sometimes h: working on it 85.Miracles?: e: yes h: yes 86.Love at first sight?: e: yes h: no 87.Santa Claus?: e: no h: never 88.Kiss on the first date?: e: depends h: eh 89.Angels?: e: yes h: yes

OTHER…. 90.Current best friend’s name: e: hana h: em 91.Eye color: e: green h: brown 92. Favourite movie: e: she’s the man/the holiday h: Phantom Menace (fight me)

Tagging: @pja2jae @peachy-jy @pbandj-hope @dragonsfire @wonhoiisms @kpoplover4life @ukihyunnie @exhoseok

if you’ve done this before or don’t want to do it feel free to ignore this. have a wonderful day!

#our mutuals #us #personal #tag games #this took us forever #it was so long #here's a lot of useless info about us #hehe

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jonasmaurer · 5 years

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Looking back on 2019 + my goals for 2020

Hi friends! I hope you’re enjoying the new decade so far. What are you up to today? I’m going to get in an arms workout at the gym and start blasting through my editorial calendar for the new year. I have my new planner ready to go (major nerd vibes because new planners make me oddly excited) and am pumped to get content ideas together. Thank you again to those of you who took this year’s blog survey!

I thought I’d share a little look back on the past year and my goals for the upcoming year. I’d love to hear about a highlight from your 2019 and any goals you’re going after this year!

Here are some of the major highlights from 2019:

– The Pilot came home after a 7-month deployment! He immediately was hired by the airlines, which I’ll share a bit more about below

– I attended my first Beautycounter conference (and we saw Michael Buble that weekend! AMAAAAZING)

– I launched HIIT Bootcamp

– Baby August was born! I love this little guy so much.

– We explored Vancouver and took our first Disney cruise to Alaska

– I got to meet up with Julie and Anne at the NOW Foods trip to Chicago

– We went to San Diego for the 4th of July

– I launched my first pair of leggings with Four Athletics

– We got two guinea pigs, Donut and Lollipop, and we love them

– Did a couple of Phoenix staycations (like the opening weekend of Great Wolf Lodge Scottsdale)

– Went back to San Diego and Disney for a fall trip

– I turned 35 (AH)

– I took Liv to NYC for her first time! We saw Frozen, Wicked, Aladdin, went ice skating at Bryant Park and ate the best pizza

– We celebrated our second year of holidays back in Tucson partying with the fam, but the Pilot was out of town

2019 ended up being a challenging year for me. It was studded with more beautiful memories than difficult, but I thought/hoped this year was going to be a bit of a “reset” and much-needed reprieve from the stress and tireless effort of the Pilot’s deployment. As it turns out, it became another solid year of trying to keep my head above water. See, the Pilot spent the down time of his deployment refining his airline applications and preparing for potential interviews, so when he got home, he immediately got his medical stuff updated and put in his apps while he finished separating from the active duty military. While everyone would’ve loved a little bit more of a break just living our normal lives here, there was no telling how long it would take to hear back from a major airline. As luck with have it, the Pilot had interviews lined up (and was hired) shortly after settling back into Tucson. Of course, for him, that meant traveling for a months of training and jumping into the first year’s schedule with both feet. For me, that meant an immediate return to being the full-time caretaker for the girls while also running a business from home. I absolutely love being with our babies and feel so thankful that I’m the one here and not away, but at the same time, you always have to be “on.” I also felt a lot of pressure from financially supporting the fam and keeping things afloat during the first year. I know it’s not always going to be like this, but for now, I just know it’s my time to hustle and I’m running with it.

As far as the airlines go, I know I’m venting a lot here, but we do love the Pilot’s new job and his company, We couldn’t be more thankful to have the security of a great second career, and we expected an intense first year paying our dues, but it’s been tough. I feel more used to him being gone than here. Sometimes it’s very lonely, which is why I feel so happy we’re near the family and also to connect with all of you.

I’ll definitely be ok if 2020 is a more low-key year than 2019. I have some goals set, but am trying to reduce some of the pressure I put on myself. I’m looking at these goals as concepts I’d love to work towards, but if they don’t all happen this year, that’s ok. Mostly I was to emphasize creating time for the things that make me feel fulfilled, and spending time together as a family of 4 whenever possible.

Health and fitness:

– Continue to follow my gallbladder protocol so I have a good ultrasound in February. This protocol is totally self-imposed and I haven’t written about it in detail because I’m not a medical professional and I have no clue if it’s actually working. My next ultrasound is in February and if the polyps have grown, they want to take out my gallbladder. I can’t go into the ultrasound without doing everything in my power to have an awesome result. Obviously a lot of it is out of my control, but I’m all about taking every step I possibly can. I really, really don’t want to have another surgery for a very long time so I’m crossing my fingers that I can keep my gallbladder.

– Stay consistent with my current routine. I feel like I’ve hit a stride with my workout routine and love the mix of classes I’m currently taking. Each week, it’s a mix of Orangetheory, Telos (CrossFit-ish), barre, hot yoga, Peloton, outdoor hikes, and Les Mills On Demand workouts I’ll do at home. It’sfun to mix it up depending on what I’m subbing and how I feel that week. Nutrition-wise, I stopped counting macros a while ago (I feel like it was too much for my gallbladder to eat when I wasn’t actually hungry) and am just trying to get in protein, produce, whole grains, healthy fats, and lots of water.

Family:

Make it through the first year of airlines (and I’m not even the person flying the planes lol). Whooooaaaaaa we’re halfway there. We’re definitely having a party when we hit 2nd year!

Keep supporting our babies in any way possible. I just love them so much and want them to know I’m always their advocate.

Really start to figure out a budget and long-term plans. This is something we’re going to work on for the following year, especially since we have some big long-term financial goals. I guess I’ll dust off my old Excel skills and get a spreadsheet together.

Focus on things that fulfill my soul:

– Audition for choir (again). You guys know the choir audition I bombed? I’m going for it again. If it doesn’t work out, there are a few other local options to explore. I think that singing again would make my heart happy and a choir feels like a safe bet.

– Join a volunteer organization. I always say I want to volunteer more and end up feeling overwhelmed with options and don’t end up doing it as often as I’d like. We’re going to be joining a specific organization that has requirements and I’m excited because the Pilot and I are going to do it together, and will also be held accountable.

– Reading every night before bed. I enjoy it so much and sleep better when I read for even 15-20 minutes before crashing.

– Meditate at some point each morning. I’ve been using the Calm app and love it! My tips for starting a meditation practice are here.

– Make time to hang out with friends and other couples. We’re at a point in life where it can be tough to get together with friends. I was doing a cooking club here in Tucson, but after a couple of months, no one could make it because everyone is shuffling kids to dance class and sports practice/games. I’ve found that with young kiddos and such a busy schedule, you won’t hang out with friends if you don’t make the time and concrete plans. (Instead of “Let’s meet up this week!” it has to be something like, “Do you want to grab breakfast at 10 on Friday?”) Since I work from home and the Pilot is gone a lot, I feel a bit more sane and happy when I have time to meet up with friends.

Pick up some regular fitness classes to teach. I’ve been subbing classes at a couple of studios, but didn’t take any of my own classes mostly because of childcare. I put it out to the universe (= Facebook) that I wanted to start teaching a couple of my own classes in the new year and was offered a HIIT class where I’m subbing that will start in February. I’m excited to be teaching more regularly again!

Continue therapy. I started seeing an incredible therapist the morning my grandfather passed away. I had made the appointment over a month in advance and figured I couldn’t cancel it, because if you ever needed a therapy appointment, that would be the day you should take one. So I went, and sat in her office and sobbed for 30 minutes. She told me that her office loved tears and I needed to truly feel everything I was feeling, and since then, she’s wrapped me in so much kindness and compassion. She’s become an extremely valued member of my tribe and even though I only see her every couple of weeks, it’s changed my life. It’s helped so much with my anxiety and my relationships, and if you are on the fence about therapy in the New Year, do it. It’s so worth it.

Travel:

– Traveling is one of my very favorite things, so I’m hoping for more in 2020! It gives us a chance to fully be present and enjoy time with each other while exploring a new, or beloved place. We have a cruise planned already (YEAHHH) and I’m also hoping we can start planning our next Italy trip.

Professional:

– Finally find time to focus on SEO. It’s a wonder that my blog has survived this long considering that I know nothing about SEO. I’ve picked up a couple of tips over the past couple of years but I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m going to take a course and also am looking to hire an SEO expert to help me update old posts that are performing well.

– Hire an editorial assistant. I have a couple of amazing team members who help behind-the-scenes with Pinterest, editing (not this post since I’m writing it the night before it goes live so sorry for the typos…), and Beautycounter. I’m looking for someone local who can help with filming/editing and kitchen days so I can post more recipes in the new year.

– Update the podcast more consistently and focus on producing video content more consistently.

– Work on opening my own studio. It may be next year, it may be 5 years from now, but it’s a huge goal of mine.

– Run more online challenges through the blog. HIIT Bootcamp was so much fun (we’re going to do another one towards the end of January!) and I’d love to create more video packs with full calendars to follow.

– Hit Senior Director with Beautycounter. Beautycounter has become one of the best things I’ve added to my business, especially because it’s given me the opportunity to connect with some many incredible friends and women, while creating an additional income stream. I’d love to hit Senior Director this year! You can read more about what it’s like being a Beautycounter consultant here.

– Finish my second book! I signed my second book deal in December and I’m so excited to get this one out into the world! I’ll share more details when I can, but it’s geared more towards my beginner friends who are just getting started.

If you made it to the end of this post, here’s a high five because this was a long one!

Thank you so much for being here with me on the crazy 2019 ride. Thank you for being here and being so amazing. I can’t help but feel like I dropped the ball a bit this year (especially on the podcast and posting as much as I’d like) but I have a feeling that 2020 is going to be a good one. Honestly, if I get lots of time with the fam, a good report on the gallbladder front, and make a lot of cheese boards, I’m calling it a win.

Cheers to the new year! Tell me, friends: what goals do you have set? Please share a personal and professional goal with me in the comments – I’d love to hear them!

xoxo

Gina

The post Looking back on 2019 + my goals for 2020 appeared first on The Fitnessista.

Looking back on 2019 + my goals for 2020 published first on https://olimpsportnutritionde.tumblr.com/

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courtneytincher · 5 years

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EU Chief Juncker to Undergo Emergency Gallbladder Surgery

(Bloomberg) -- European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker is set to undergo emergency surgery to have his gallbladder removed.The EU leader was vacationing in Austria when he was taken back to Luxembourg for the operation, the EU said in a statement on Saturday. Juncker, 64, is set to leave his post when his term ends this fall. The former prime minister of Luxembourg has previously faced questions about his health. At a North Atlantic Treaty Organization Summit last year, Juncker was filmed struggling to keep his balance, which the commission later said was the result of a painful sciatica attack.Gallbladder removal surgery is a common procedure, according to the U.K.’s NHS website, which says an operation to take it out is often recommended if any problems with it develop. While such procedures are uncomplicated, it can sometimes take weeks before people return to normal activities.Juncker is scheduled to attend the Group of Seven summit in Biarritz, France, next weekend, though the emergency procedure means the EU chief may not be in a position to participate. The leaders are expected to discuss global challenges in the economy and the environment as well as relations with Iran, Russia and North Korea.The gallbladder surgery comes as the EU leader is set to hand over the presidency of the European Commission to Ursula von der Leyen in October. Following her confirmation by the European Parliament last month, the former German defense minister is accepting nominations from EU member states for the team of senior officials who will be in charge of the bloc’s executive body for the next five years.The commission has in recent years had to grapple with complex challenges, including difficult negotiations with the U.K. as it plans to leave the bloc as well as simmering tensions with the U.S. over trade.(Updates with more background from fourth paragraph.)To contact the reporter on this story: Natalia Drozdiak in Brussels at [email protected] contact the editors responsible for this story: Giles Turner at [email protected], Chad Thomas, James AmottFor more articles like this, please visit us at bloomberg.com©2019 Bloomberg L.P.

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines

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dorothykknuckles · 6 years

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HOW To Weight Loss After Gastric Sleeve Surgery

What is Gastric Sleeve Surgery?

The gastric sleeve procedure was introduced a little bit over a decade ago. It is a partial removal of the stomach using a stapling device with a residual Tube Like stomach and a proven track leaving a small sleeve or tube of stomach behind. This small tube or sleeve is about the size and shape of a narrow banana. The gastric sleeve procedure is performed laparoscopically; which is a surgical technique where only small incisions are made. The laparoscope is inserted through a small incision in the abdominal wall, the camera sends images to a monitor which the surgeon to see inside the body without having to make large incisions. The calibration tube can vary in diameter. 1 French = 0.33mms. Smaller tubes can cause a high risk of the leak, risk of stenosis, or be narrowing; symptoms like heartburn, reflux, and intolerance to foods. Larger tubes may result in less than ideal weight loss.

Laparoscopic surgery is a low risk minimally invasive technique with many benefits including smaller surgical scars, less pain, short hospital stay, faster recovery, and reduced risks of infection. The gastric sleeve surgery has been redesigned to become virtually leak-proof to lessen heartburn in order to avoid failure time after the procedure. It has one of the lowest complication and high success rates. It is relatively a save operation, effective, obtaining around 60% weight loss or more. Recent reports have also compared it to similar weight loss as with the gastric bypass. It has its metabolic effects over diabetes and metabolic syndrome.

However, on the downside, there is a 2-4% risk of the leak at the stable length. The enlargement of the sleeve can lead to failure. A narrowing residual stomach can create a stenosis. Also, residual reflux and heartburn symptoms have been reported. The OSI technique calls for a special attention paid to bogie size or calibration, and certain anatomical landmarks like the esophagus, the high area of the stomach, and the mid-step.

RELATED POST: 4 TIPS FOR Healthy Diet With No Flour or Sugar

How it works

When you eat, the small sleeve or pouch of the stomach that is left behind fills with each bite of food filling that part of the stomach, sends signals to the brain and

your brain thinks you have eaten a larger portion of food than you actually have. As a result, you feel satisfied and comfortable with smaller portions of food.

The reason why this procedure is so effective for sustained weight loss is that it removes the part of the stomach that produces a hormone called ghrelin. Ghrelin is a hormone that makes you feel hungry faster between meals. By removing it, you can go longer in between meals which is a second and unique way to help control your portions. Studies have shown on average a patient who has a gastric sleeve procedure will lose up to 70% of their excess weight, and that most of the weight loss will occur in the first year. For the majority of the patients, the weight that is lost stays off.

Although the gastric sleeve is a permanent procedure, it does not involve a removing any part of the stomach that is critical to the way of the stomach works. You still have plenty of stomachs left to begin the digestive process. With the gastric sleeve, there is no device that requires adjustments as there is with procedures such as the lap band.

RELATED POST: The Best Exercises For A Better Butt And Thighs

The Hiatus

The hiatus is the area where the esophagus needs to stomach. This is the area where the hiatal hernias occur and require repair before weight loss surgery is finished. There are two areas that require a special attention during the gastric sleeve surgery.

The high stomach and mid stomach

The high stomach or The angle of His is the area with the heist risk of a leak. The mid stomach, also known as The Incisura Angularis, is a site where most strictures occur. A stricture is a narrowing of the tube-like stomach that can cause leaks or symptoms later on.

To avoid leaks, years of research have resulted in the modifying of the technique creating a safer and more effective procedure. The additional risk of leak can include the use of surplus, tapers, incorrect application of the stapler of Leticia, torsion, kinks, a lack of or zigzags of any kind.

RELATED POST: 6 amazing benefits of drinking eight glasses of water per day

Oversewing

The oversewing technique creates a smooth and symmetrical sleeve with a virtually leak-proof stable line, and the second protection against a distended sleeve and failure later on. It also provides a simple fix of a narrowing or stenosis occurs.

Losing weight after the surgery

It’s very important to realize that although gastric sleeve is a great option, it’s not a magic bullet. So, you have to be sure that you don’t go into it thinking that somebody has just going to do this to you, and then you will go back to all the same stuff you were doing before and lose weight.

You will lose weight. However, if you don’t change your behaviors upfront, then after about two years from surgery, about 40% of patients start to have some way to regain weight and you don’t want that to happen.

RELATED POST: How Obesity Affects Your Menstrual Cycle: Estrogen Causes Irregular Cycles

So, here are some specifics that are really important to be understood.

There is a mortality rate for bariatric surgery. It’s not really high, but still, when you consider it’s an elective surgery, one percent is really important. If you happen to be in the one percent, that’s about 400 people a year in the country will die during their bariatric surgery. Though it’s considered a safe surgery, people who have it are generally high risk, they have a lot of problems such as vascular disease, heart attacks, diabetes, sleepathia, sometimes COPD or restrictive lung disease, high blood pressure, or hypertension.

There is about 20% of people will need additional surgery to fix either hernia. Oddly enough after surgery, people will develop gallstones, so they have to have gallbladder out.

What if you didn’t lose enough weight or stop losing weight too early after the surgery??

This is a very common problem especially in the first one to two years after surgery. And there are many possible reasons for this. The surgery might be the wrong choice, however, usually its nutritional factors and exercise factors. Every person who has had weight loss surgery needs very close follow up at least every month or two in the first year and needs a very customized nutritional program with control over their dietary intake and their exercises capacity as well as frequency. If it’s done properly, you can start your weight loss journey after surgery.

RELATED POST: The Complete Guide Of Weight Loss For Women (Tips and Benefit To Weight Loss)

In fact, there is a lot of swelling and a lot of adjustment that happens to the stomach in the first month or so after the surgery that mandates that you start with soft mushy foods and slowly progress to more solid and tough foods as you go. In the first year it is absolutely critical to select bariatric multivitamin not a run-on-the-mill over the counter multivitamin as they are rich in iron, minerals, and vitamin B among other vitamins, and take them every day. Moreover, they are chewable, and so that is going to allow you to tolerate them even as early as a few days after surgery. For those who don’t like taking them, they can crush them up and put them into protein shakes or smoothies. However, it’s essential that not only do you take your vitamin, but also you have to get the essential phytonutrients through a diet in the form of fruits, vegetables, beans, nuts, and seeds.

Focus on getting enough hydration as well as getting enough proteins. After that, you can add some foods such as soft dairy, cooked vegetables, eggs, beans, fish, and chicken step by step.

RELATED VIDEO

100 Gastric Sleeve Before and After pics | Weight Loss Surgery | VSG Results

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References

Why bariatric surgery wait times have nearly doubled in 10 years

Two years after having her stomach stapled, Libby started putting on weight

Gastric bypass surgery associated with increased fracture risk

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Why am I not losing weight 8 Surprising Reasons

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ericawhitakerrr-blog · 7 years

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at the beginning...

As I sat and thought about what I would write about, I realized so much of that was a time I have tried everything in my power to forget. If you have ever suffered the loss of a child you know how I feel, if you haven't you cannot possibly fathom it. Your body's natural defense when something truly awful happens is to block it out, and while it's true that I have large gaps in my memory from that time period. I realized I needed to sit down and remember, remember what Tomas meant to me. I sat down and wanted to write about what it meant to lose a baby, but the page stayed blank until suddenly it all came in a rush. Most women say there is no greater pain than childbirth, unfortunately there is, the pain of burying your child. People would say how brave and strong I was, our family was, but the truth is... I was scared, we all were terrified. Sometimes I didn't know if I would even survive this journey I was forced to walk. We survived the trauma, the shock, the agony of those first couple of weeks. Those long nights where I thought I might die from grief. The greatest loss a human can experience is the loss of a child, it destroys and demolishes you. But no one really has a choice to survive the grief, it's not optional, especially with 2 small girls at home. Someone asks me how I am and I simply say "I'm fine, thanks". I say this to you, because I simply cannot describe the pain. 6 months. It's been 6 months since our journey began. 6 months since that fateful Monday in November....There is nothing harder than sitting here during dialysis browsing social media and seeing little baby faces as they are welcomed into the world by their family. I'm so happy for all my friends having babies, gosh I'm so happy for them, but it's hurts, and it stings, and it sucks, to think sitting at home in his little spot on the top of a glass shelf... Sits a tiny urn. This wasn't supposed to happen, this wasn't the way things were meant to be. I write this to share and hopefully help someone else with my story. You aren't alone... I was a healthy, active, normal 30yr old in the prime of my life. I have 2 beautiful girls, (7 and 3), and a wonderful husband. We were expecting our third child, a son, in December of 2016. I was extremely high risk and hospitalized several times over the course of the pregnancy, but that only made me closer with Tomas Isaac, the name I agonized over for weeks wanting it to be perfect. A unexpected bonus was weekly ultrasounds so I would see his little face develop week by week. I couldn't wait to meet him, being a girl mom I was so excited to shift to boy territory. From lace, ribbons, dance class, and pink to the trucks, legos, sports, and of course a love of the Denver Broncos. On November 14th 2016, the unthinkable happened... I went in to the hospital at 36 weeks due to a lack of fetal movement over the weekend. When I awoke Monday morning and realized I had slept through the night I knew in my soul something was terribly wrong. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. When I got to the hospital they attempted to find his heartbeat with a doppler and eventually ultrasound and I was told there was no heartbeat. When something like that is told to you, the floor opens and you fall. At that point they told me I would need to be induced to deliver him. I was also given something to sedate me as I was understandably hysterical. I had arrived at the hospital alone because my husband was so sure that I was imagining things and he never truly felt there was any danger. Because of the sedation I actually didn't wake up until almost 2 weeks later and learned what had happened during that time. They had attempted the induction and Tomas's hand had come out first, in trying to reposition him my uterus had ruptured and I started bleeding out. I had to undergo an emergency c section and hysterectomy while they tried to get the bleeding under control. I had to receive 14 units of blood and the blood loss as well as fluid around my heart triggered me coding for 6 minutes. They were finally able to revive me after the 6 minutes but I had lost my kidney function at that point. I was deemed to high of a risk at this point for me to continue to stay at my local hospital's ICU and I was transferred still on the ventilator and with the feeding tube to a larger hospital in Charlotte NC to their ICU for more serious care. Which is where I woke up, with the tube down my throat and no clue what had happened. I had to have Brian and various nurses explain to me, heartbreakingly multiple times that I had lost my baby and the majority of the function of my body. I have no memory of those several weeks, I've tried so hard and failed to remember anything. The last thing I remember is the doctor telling my Tomas had no heartbeat and the next thing I remember I woke up at the hospital in Charlotte. This is my greatest heartbreak. I was never able to hold my son, I never got to touch his cheeks, I never got to kiss his sweet face. I fully believe in my soul, that when I coded I said goodbye to my baby boy. He knew my girls needed me. He sent me back to finish my work as a mother. I know he sent me back because given the choice alone I don't know that I would have chosen to come back. I was broken and there is no pain like that of the pain of losing a child. I was eventually able to come off the ventilator and discharged about 6 weeks after everything happened. I ended up back in the hospital several days later with gallstones and because I wasn't strong enough for surgery a JP drain was put in, in place of removing my gallbladder. I slowly resumed my normal life or what was left of it. After several weeks I became so sick from my gallbladder that we had to find a hospital who was willing to do surgery to remove it. My current surgeon in Charlotte was hesitant with my past history on the operating table. In addition to that, during one of my weekly Mon/Weds/Fri dialysis sessions I ended up having chest pains only to be rushed to the hospital and a blood clot found in my neck. We finally were able to locate a hospital who was willing to do the surgery on both my gallbladder and remove one dialysis catheter to put another one in my chest. The goal was at that point that I would be free a clear from the hospital. Sadly that was not the case for very long. During another routine dialysis treatment I had similar symptoms from when I had the blood clot before. I was rushed off to the hospital where they found another blood clot in my chest directly above my heart. I was treated for that and there were some very positive steps being made in my recovery process. It's been a long road and I have a even longer road ahead of me especially with me being a mom to two daughters who still don't fully understand the loss of our baby as well as the loss of my health. I'm still struggling, with another blood clot in my lung and I just got sick with bronchitis/pneumonia a couple weeks ago, but I know my road ahead will be easier with time. At this point my kidneys are still not functioning, we have waited, hoped, and prayed but unfortunately it doesn't look like that will work out for my own kidneys to start working again. I was placed on the kidney transplant list and the wait period is about 3 years at this point. My best hope for a match is a family member, but since I'm adopted that option is non existent. I have had several people offer to get tested, we should have all the details in the next couple of weeks and then we can start to make plans for anyone who might be willing to donate. I've also had some severe hair loss in the last couple of weeks, more doctor visits to figure out what is going on there. My body took quite a beating over the last 6 months, but I'm not quitting, I'm not slowing down. Most people don't go to bed and expect to spend the next 6 months battling for any sense of normalcy. The permanent scars on my body a constant reminder of what I went through, what I'm still going through. The bruises and needle marks from the IVs cover my arms and hands, the dialysis port in my chest, the 3 scars on my wrist from unknown causes and then of course the biggest one of all.... Perhaps my biggest reminder, the distinct square of a defibrillator paddle forever burned on me. 6 minutes I have no memory of, 6 terrifying minutes for my family, thankfully, 6 minutes my daughters are blissfully unaware of. It's a good time to remember. Remember what I've been through. Remember how blessed I am to be here. Remember the fight to get to where I am today. I did not just stop being pregnant. I didn't lose a pregnancy. My baby died. That one sentence, 3 words that rocked me to the core. I will never forget the words of the doctor "I'm sorry, I don't see a heartbeat". It's easy to say "God needed another angel", but He didn't ask you for yours. My greatest regret is that I never got to hold my sweet baby. My little playmate, my beautiful little boy. I would have loved to cuddle him and tell him I love him. I will always love him. There will forever be a piece of me missing. I read a saying; when a spouse dies, it's called being widowed, a child who loses parents is called an orphan, but there is no word for parents who lose a child. That's how truly awful the loss is. I was so lucky that I was able to carry Tomas for 9 whole months, to hold him, and while I was not able to say goodbye in this world, I know he knew of my love for him. I believe he sent me back, when I coded I believe I held my son, I told him of my love, and we said our goodbyes. To live is a gift, and I will live my life every day thanking God I was so blessed to have Tomas. He is and always will be, the little love of my life, my angel baby, my beautiful, precious baby boy. If I can help even one mother with my story of loss and perseverance then it is all worth it. That horrible day in November became a part of me; it was a turning point, a great threshold. Our story as a family is stilling growing, we have so much left to tell, so much left to live. Very few families can go through what we went through and survive, and function. Somehow, someway, we still are. That's not to say we don't struggle, there are days I struggle to get out bed, to move on. There are days I cry for hours until I'm so exhausted I can't breathe. The pain we have learned to live with is unthinkable. But we haven't been knocked down yet. This is my story, this is my families story, and it is far from over.

#baby #babies #stillbirth #stillborn #stillblessed #dialysis #kidney kidneytransplant

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horrorhouse · 7 years

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Because @sarcasmsuitsme posted it, I had to grab...

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. (Spotify; no iTunes) "America's Sweetheart" by Elle King; "Babe" by Lily Rose Depp & Harley Quinn Smith; "I Can't Go For That" by the bird and the bee; "Written In The Water" by Gin Wigmore; "I Don't Like Mondays" by The Boomtown Rats; "When We Were Young" by Adele 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Mel Brooks - I think he's a comedy genius. 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. "if he were grabbing for a fly in the air. Harper knew that one." 4) What do you think about most? The future. 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you? I don't know if it was written about me specifically, but I Googled my name and found a Harry Potter fanfic where one of the characters had my name and seemed strangely like me but I don't know who wrote it. 6) Do you have any strange phobias? I'm arachnaphobic. Pretty common. 7) What's your religion? I was baptised Methodist but I don't go to any specific church. I believe in God, I pray, I read my Bible. I consider myself a Christian but I think organized religion is too corrupt and greedy. I'm an ordained Dudeist priest also, but that's something more social and therapeutic to me. 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Trying to get from point A to point B. 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? The Beatles 10) What was the last lie you told? Telling someone I felt fine when I wasn't. 11) Do you believe in karma? Absolutely. 12) What does your URL mean? pennydreadful was already taken so I use dreadfulpenny as a play on words. Penny dreadful is a reference to British Victorian horror/suspense literature. 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? I think my greatest weakness and my greatest strength are the same - I'm blunt. Sometimes that can be a good thing, sometimes that comes back to bite me in the butt. 14) Who is your celebrity crush? Jared Padalecki. 15) How do you vent your anger? I write. I listen to music. Sometimes I vent to my boyfriend if he's not the reason I'm angry. 16) Do you have a collection of anything? Funko Pop figures. 17) Are you happy with the person you've become? There are some things I'd like to change but overall, I'm satisfied with who I am. 18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? The sound of fingers scraping against a balloon; the sound of my boyfriend's voice. 19) What's your biggest "what if"? What if I never cross everything off my bucket list? 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I definitely believe in ghosts but I don't believe in aliens. 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Right arm - Fidget cube. Left arm - Cell phone. 22) Smell the air. What do you smell? A little smoke and clean cotton scent. I'm burning a candle. 23) What's the worst place you have ever been to? I went camping with my boyfriend once. When he goes camping, it's a mild step above "roughing it". There was a porta-bathroom and there was a building with showers (with spiders and centipedes - uck!) but other than that, I spent the weekend in unbearable heat, in an uncomfortable tent. When I was outside, I was bitten by mosquitos AND horse flies. It was the worst! 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? Adam Levine from Maroon 5 25) To you, what is the meaning of life? To try to make every generation of humanity better than the last. We've had some advancements and some slip-ups, but I think we're thriving. 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I've driven before and come close to crashing but thankfully, no. 27) What was the last movie you saw? "National Lampoon's European Vacation" - I watched it on TV last night. As far as new movies, "Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2". 28) What's the worst injury you've ever had? I guess having my gallbladder removed through emergency surgery since that's the only time I've ever needed surgery. 29) Do you have any obsessions right now? It's back-to-school time and that means all the school supplies are out. I usually buy a lot of pens, markers, notebooks, pencils because I prefer to have physical copies of anything I write rather than typing it out on a computer (at least until I need to submit something). 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Yeah. That's all I'll say about it. 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Depends on how deeply they hurt me. 32) What is your astrological sign? Pisces 33) What's the last thing you purchased? I just bought a t-shirt for someone for Christmas (I started my shopping early this year.) 34) Love or lust? Love. 35) In a relationship? Yep. Have been for 11 years. 36) How many relationships have you had? I've had tons of relationships. If we're talking romantic relationships, I've had at least 30 or 35 guys who've been my "boyfriend" at some point in my life. I've only been intimate with maybe 10 of them. 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? There really isn't a secret weapon. Just be yourself. 38) Where is your best friend? I have more than 1 best friend. My best male friend is at work. My best female friend is in Indiana. 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Usually talking with my boyfriend. 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yeah, I'd say so. 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I keep walking to work and call someone who might be able to help. 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? a) I would tell certain people, yes. b) I'd just live my life without any regrets. c) Of course I'd be afraid. 43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? "9 to 5 (Morning Train)" by Sheena Easton - It's an inside joke thing. 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, honesty, being with someone who makes you laugh who you have a lot of common interests. 45) How can I win your heart? I fell in love with John because he's smart and funny, but he doesn't talk down to me just because he might know something that I don't. I once dated a guy who said I wasn't smart enough for him because I couldn't read Sanskrit and he could. 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity? In some cases it does. 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? I quit my job because it was affecting my sanity. I'm not happy with our financial situation right now, but I'm in a better place mentally and my boyfriend is incredibly understanding. 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Obviously my full name, date of birth, date of death and then maybe something - I could be a smartass and put the line from "Ghostbusters 2" - "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back." 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart." What about love? 50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? TARDIS blue (Pantone 2955 C) 51) What is your current desktop picture? It’s the house sigils from Game of Thrones forming the word COEXIST. 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Kathy Griffin 53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? I'm an honest person so I don't know what circumstance that would come up. 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Telekinesis 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? My first date with John. 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? The years of abused I faced as a child. 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Brad Mates from Emerson Drive. 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Dublin, Ireland. 59) Ever been on a plane? Yes. 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities. Jared Padalecki; Mark Ryder; Jason Momoa; Jeffrey Dean Morgan; Brock O'Hurn

#gpoy #survey #random

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everettwilkinson · 7 years

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Republican Gianforte Wins Montana Special Election Despite Assault Charge

Political pundits were closely watching last night’s special election in Montana for two reasons: to see if there is an anti-Trump sentiment shift in this hard-line republican state, and whether the “body slamming” scandal that sent shockwaves just one day prior would cost Republican frontrunner Greg Gianforte the election.

The results emerged early on Friday morning, when Republican Greg Gianforte, a wealthy technology executive who had urged voters to send him to Congress to help Trump, was projected to win Thursday’s special election for Montana’s lone House seat with about 50% of the vote, while challenger Democrat Rob Quist had 44% at the time of the call, according to the Montana secretary of State’s website. Quist, a banjo player and first-time candidate, had focused his campaign on criticism of the Republican effort to repeal and replace former President Barack Obama’s healthcare law.

Gianforte’s victory came only hours after a shocking physical altercation with Guardian reported Ben Jacobs, whose audio was recorded and disseminated, led to the local sheriff filing a misdemeanor assault charge against the republican. Gianforte is scheduled to appear in county court sometime before June 7—the charge carries a maximum fine of $ 500 or a prison term of no more than six months.

And while the news blanketed the news and prompted three major Montana papers to pull their endorsement of Gianforte, the Republican was buoyed by how many voters sent in their ballots early, making their choice before the altercation. According to Reuters, it was unclear if Gianforte’s assault had an impact on the vote. More than a third of the state’s registered voters had already submitted ballots before it happened, state election officials said, and some Gianforte supporters shrugged off the charges or said they did not believe published accounts.

“I feel like, it’s all just propaganda, you know what I mean, it’s hard for me to believe anything the media tells me,” said Nathaniel Trumper, who cast a vote for Gianforte at a polling station in Helena.

The assault occurred as Jacobs tried to ask Gianforte about healthcare, according to an audio tape. Fox News Channel reporter Alicia Acuna, who was preparing to interview Gianforte, said the candidate “grabbed Jacobs by the neck with both hands and slammed him to the ground.”

Speaking to cheering supporters in Bozeman after his win, Gianforte apologized for the incident and said he was not proud of his actions. “I should not have responded the way I did, and for that I’m sorry,” Gianforte said. “I should not have treated that reporter that way.”

Gianforte specifically addressed his apology to Jacobs. “Last night I made a mistake,” he said, adding: “I’m sorry, Mr Ben Jacobs.”

The victory will calm Republicans who had grown restless with the rapidly tightening race in what had been a safe Republican seat for years. And it deals a blow to Democrats who had hoped to frame a victory as a rebuke of President Trump that would give them a shot of momentum ahead of the 2018 midterms.

Meanwhile, Quist, who raised more than $ 6 million for his upstart bid, said the experience gave him insight into the economic struggles some people face. He campaigned last weekend with U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, who won the state’s 2016 Democratic presidential primary against Hillary Clinton.

As for the consequences of Gianforte’s bodyslamming of Jacobs, the republican could face additional, more serious charges once prosecutors review the evidence, Gallatin County Attorney Marty Lambert told Reuters.

Gianforte has two weeks to enter a plea to the misdemeanor citation issued by the Gallatin County Sheriff’s Office, according to Lambert, who said he would likely review the case before then to decide whether it should be treated as a felony offense, which would supersede the current charge. “There’s always the possibility that when we get the case and the details, that we might look differently at the charging decision,” Lambert said.

Republican National Committee Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel called Gianforte’s apology “a good first step toward redemption” and said she hoped he “continues to work toward righting his wrong.” Gianforte will take the House seat vacated when Trump named Ryan Zinke as secretary of the interior. Trump and Vice President Mike Pence recorded robocalls to voters on Gianforte’s behalf, and Republican groups poured millions into ads criticizing Quist for property tax liens and unpaid debts, which Quist said stemmed from a botched gallbladder surgery.

from CapitalistHQ.com http://capitalisthq.com/republican-gianforte-wins-montana-special-election-despite-assault-charge/

#TrumpNews #CapitalistHQ.com

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