#for like 0 reason at all or because i’m thinking of f/o… life is hard out here

[vellichorsdesire]

hi you guys… look at this gay slug i bought today. i think f/o would like it very much

[todo-ho-ki]

In honor of me never writing a single fucking word for the stories I’m still actually working on, I wanted to do something, anything at all, and obviously right now I’m fixating on haikyu instead of BNHA so welcome to...

Chances I’d Fight the Haikyu Boys and the Likelihood I’d Win

KARASUNO

Daichi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 he’s a master of being cool and respectful he wouldn’t give me a reason to square up

Chances I’d win- Manz could crush me with his thighs alone one kick and I’m in the afterlife BUT he wouldn’t fight a lady so 1/10

Suga 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 1/10 a bitch might consider for money or something but otherwise. HEEEELLLL NO

Chances I’d win: suga seems lovely but Manz is as unhinged as his jaw will be when he swallows my arm whole after I try to punch him 2/10

Asahi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -3/10 he’s a soft boy I’d never fight him but +2 bc I might give him a gentle arm punch if need be. Overall -1/10

Chances I’d win: he only LOOKS scary but he wouldn’t hurt a fly tbh he’s probably scared of flies and looking like an asshole for fighting back 9/10 -1 point because Manz got REACH and COULD take me out if he wanted

Noya 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 4/10 he can be a little shit sometimes I stg

Chances I’d win: -1/10 he could jump on me and bite my jugular out I ain’t fuckin w/him. +2 points bc he’s a simp so he probably WOULDNT...but he COULD. Overall 1/10

Tanaka 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 6/10 he do be antagonizing sometimes and I swear if he SAY SOME SHIT TO ME...

Chances I’d win: mans could probably ACTUALLY win a fight hes full of energy and he could probs give me a look and I’d get scared 3/10 bc I don’t think he’d fight me either he’s a GENTLEMAN OK

Kageyama🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -50/10 bitch is SCARY and I know he’ll throw hands I’ve seen it

Chances I’d win: kageyama DO NOT GIVE A FUCK he’s broody in general and have you SEEN HIS SERVES he could slap me into next week(I’d thank him OOP) -370/10

Hinata 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -500/10 Hinata is best boy I’d never lay a hand on him

Chances I’d win: I’d say 10/10 but I’ve SEEN that look in his eyes I don’t wanna know what it means so 6/10

Tsukishima 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: Manz knows all the buttons to press he’s a salty MF 8/10 but not 10/10 cuz he looks hot sometimes

Chances I’d win: he’d probably say something that makes me cry and id get distracted and he’ll walk away 2/10 cuz I could take him if I could see past the tears

Yamaguchi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -60,000/10 yams is a ray of SUNSHINE I could NEVER

Chances I’d win: here’s where things get tricky. He’s friends with Tsuki so he’s def got the sass and shit I think he’d be the one to secretly be able to THROW DOWN 3/10

NEKOMA

Kuro 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -530,000/10 I LOVE him sm I simp too hard I can’t ruin that pretty face and that smirk NO ABSOLUTELY NOT

Chances I’d win: Manz is like a tree he could hold me at bay w/one of those buff-ass arms or crush my head with his thighs and since id let him, -6/10. minus three points cuz he’d charm me out of fighting

Kenma 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 7/10 BAD BITCH GOT A ATTITUDE, NASTY

Chances I’d win: Kenma’s spicy and he WILL fight but I got too much strength on him so 9/10 I think he’d pull out some moves before giving up

Lev 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 4/10 sometimes he’s just...REALLY stupid and arrogant which makes my eye twitch but minus 4 points bc he’s a big softie

Chances I’d win: his arm alone is longer than my body even if he couldnt fight he could swing blindly and accidentally hit the part of my brain responsible for consciousness in a panic. Also 4/10

Yaku 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: absolutely not I love his sassy attitude he be talkin shit sometimes 0/10 plus three points bc sometimes hed aim his tude at me and I STG

Chances I’d win: Manz is small but ready to pounce he’d jump on my back like a spider monkey and punch my skull till it caves in RIP me. 4/10 plus 2 points bc hed take it out on Lev instead

Fukunaga 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 Manz never did nothin to nobody

Chances I’d win: he’d probably say something so funny I’d die from lack of oxygen w/o ever getting a hit in 3/10 if I can breathe I can get his ass

SEIJOH

Oikawa 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: depends on the day but a solid 6/10 he’s a little bitch sometimes but we love to see it. I also don’t wanna be messin up that pretty ass face

Chances I’d win: if he REALLY wanted to he could serve me into a different reality but he wouldn’t fight unless he ABSOLUTELY had to so I could get his ass too. Pre time skip: 19/10. Minus 63 points because I KNOW 27 year old oikawa would WRECK MY SHIT and I’d say please sir may I have some more

Iwaizumi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: yo, you out to DAMN MIND??? -100,000/10

Chances I’d win: look. LOOK. Iwa Chan’s biceps are bigger than my head I mean NOTHING to him. I’m but a pebble to a god. He got a 6’7” attitude cuz he can swing like a 6’7” man. He could probably pull his dick out once and obliterate me with the seismic aftershock of it hitting the ground. -1235/10 minus six points bc ID LET HIM KILL ME

Yahaba 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: solid 7/10 KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS

Chances I’d win: see, you’d THINK this would be where I’d have the upper hand but Manz manhandled mad dog and lived. He’d slam me into a wall until my soul leaves my body right where I stand 3/10 bc he be simpin. Minus 3 points because I’d enjoy it

Mattsun 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: pre time skip:0/10

post time skip: -57/10 I ain’t putting my hands on a face that pretty

Chances I’d win: I’m doomed. He’d give me one look and I’d cave. Im walking out the broom closet limping but not bc of a fight. -41/10

Kiyotani 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: we’ll go with a solid -5/10 for...reasons

Chances I’d win: if I actually stood up to him he’d freeze in place but he could slap me into a different country if provoked 1/10

Kunimi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 we love a man who’s emotionally detached plus he’s hot tf

Chances I’d win: Manz would give up halfway through if he even indulged in the first place. 6/10 minus three points bc I’d win by default after he walks away

INARIZAKI

Kita 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: he’s a good boy -3/10

Chances I’d win: respectable guy but I have no doubt he’d rock my shit I’m ascending to the astral plane 1/10

Osamu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: uh-uh. 0/10

Chances I’d win: he’s the aggressive twin. One flying kick to the heart and it’s across the gym and I’m dead as FUCK. 2/10 minus 2 points bc PLEASE put your hands on me sir

Atsumu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: a soft 4/10 he’s a BRAT buuuuuut I love him so fucking much I’d let it go

Chances I’d win: he’s all bark and no bite. Srry bby but you’re gettin FOLDED I love you though. 88/10. minus 370 points bc please spend the rest of your life with me I could never hurt you 🥺

Aran 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -5/10 he’s so sweet why would you fight him

Chances I’d win: he’d serve a volleyball into the back of my head and I take +10 damage from how cool it looks. Can fit my face in one hand probably. -43/10 minus ten points because of how cool he’d look killing me instantly

Suna 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 2/10 he’s a little shit too he’d make someone record it

Chances I’d win: he’d try to fuck me instead. It would work. 1/10 bc I’d slap him afterward but like, sexily

FUKURODANI

Bokuto 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 3/10 emo mode GOTS TO GO

Chances I’d win: his ass would pull me into it’s orbit and he’d use the opportunity to crush me with his thighs. -6/10. Minus 4 points bc what a FUCKING way to go please kill me

Akaashi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 1/10 he’s intimidating you kidding me NO

Chances I’d win: I could take him if he’s distracted by Bokuto. 6/10 if he is, 1/10 if he’s not

Konoha 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -3/10 we love a sassy boy

Chances I’d win: I’m not maiming a face that pretty -28/10 I’d get lost in his eyes tf

SHIRATORIZAWA

Ushijima 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: none and a half I couldn’t even look at him. -.5/10

Chances I’d win: one smack would knock my organs out of my body. Big boy+big body=big death even if he misses the aftershock will stop my heart -67/10 minus four points bc RAIL ME

Tendou 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 14/10 SQUARE UP BITCH

Chances I’d win: WELCOME TO HELL. YOUVE MADE A MISTAKE 36/10

Shirabu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 he’s too cool

Chances I’d win: he wouldn’t show. Too busy getting his hair cut. I win by default. 10/10 minus four points bc there would be no fight

Semi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: I wouldn’t. 0/10. He’d give me the semi brow and I’d be down and out for the count. I’m not hitting a face that pretty.

Chances I’d win: 2/10. Minus three points bc he’d smash a guitar over my head, killing me instantly. Minus three more points bc I’d ask him to wear a leather jacket first

Goshiki 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: None. 0/10. His words and his bangs are as cool as ever.

Chances I’d win: he’d cry if I looked at him wrong. 86/10 but minus four points bc he’s baby

EXTRAS

Sakusa 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: surprisingly high. 7/10 bc a bitch got a attitude. Minus 8 points because he’s so fucking beautiful I don’t know if I could follow through

Chances I’d win: I’d just lick my hands before I started swinging and he’d leave. 8/10. Minus two points bc I think if he REALLY needed to square up he’d take me down in a fucking headlock until I pass out. Minus two more points because I’d ask him to squeeze harder.

Ukai jr. 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: that’s the wrong F word kids 😏. -34/10 besides I ain’t squaring up with a man that wears a headband like that

Chances I’d win: he probably could eat a bowl of nails for breakfast without any milk. -99/10. Minus 15 points bc I’d stop to ask him if he wants to finish this at my place

Hiragumi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: why would you fight such a good, PRETTY boy? -5/10

Chances I’d win: he’d smile at me and I’d give up. -12/10

Takeda 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: I think he’d kill me honestly. Plus the boys would’ve never had a chance w/o him absolutely NOT -2/10

Chances I’d win: he’s hiding a demon from hell under that green jacket. -60/10

Terushima🏐

Chances I’d fight him: sheeeit I could try but his sexiness would leave me paralyzed. 1/10 if I look at enough pictures I could get past his fucking blonde undercut and tongue ring

Chances I’d win: he’d have my thighs around his head in 1.8 seconds. Will kill me with his tongue. -435/10

[imagineredwood]

Gilly NSFW Alphabet

*I skipped D and W because I literally could not think of anything.*

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’s even more loving than usual. He takes you with him to shower or at the very least will wash you up before you take a nap. He looks after you, gets you water, cuddles you into his chest. He checks in on you, makes sure you feel alright, he tells you how beautiful you are to him.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He really doesn’t have much of a favorite part on himself, he doesn’t really care too much. If he had to pick, it’d probably be his chest just because he knows how much comfort it brings you. How you like to rest your head on it, how you lay your hands on it when close to him, how you slap him there playfully when he cracks too dark of a joke.

On you though, your ass is something that he would die for. He loves where your hips flare out into your ass, where your thighs thicken and meet your ass, where your lower back slopes down into your ass. Just your ass in general. He’d have your ass as the wallpaper on his phone if he wasn’t worried about someone seeing it. He’s always touching it, groping it, slapping it or when it’s just you two, kissing it. He just can’t get enough.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Nothing beats finishing on your ass and/or back. No need to explain why, really.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s got decent experience, both before and now during being with the club. He knows he lives a dangerous life and while he may not get around as much as some of the other members, he does know how to please a woman. He loves to give, to worship and make you feel as if you’re the only woman in the world. He learns your body and commits it to memory but is more than willing to try an learn some more every time.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

You on your back with your legs over his shoulders. He loves being able to look down at you, to see your face and everything else. He likes being able to have you locked in place, totally at his mercy to just take what he gives you. He enjoys having access and while other positions are great as well, he always seems to revert back to that one eventually. His close second favorite is you riding him for the same reasons.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He’s the goofiest of the bunch. The type to crack shitty jokes while he has his head between your thighs. The type to be kissing along your ankle and then run his finger up the sole of your foot. He likes for sex to feel free and natural, not ever like a chore or something that has to be serious. The only time he takes a more serious approach is when its make up sex after he’s fucked up.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He keeps it pretty well trimmed. Enough to where you can see it, but it’s never long enough to get in the way of anything.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He can be very romantic when he wants to be. He may be the funny guy, but he knows when to dial is back and be romantic to show you how much you mean to him. He always has a level of intimacy that he maintains, whether its knuckle kisses or forehead touches, he’s always making sure that you know you’re his girl and he’s crazy in love with you.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He’s got 0 issues with jacking off. He doesn’t do it crazy often, but between runs, long nights and sometimes just being weighed down with club shit that he doesn’t want to bring home to you, sometimes he just takes care of himself until he knows he can give you 100 percent.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Overstimulation, butt plugs, light bondage

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

He’s a regular dude. He most prefers to have you at home in your bed. He’ll have sex wherever you’re at so long as there’s privacy, but he loves nothing more than being in the comfort, safety and familiarity of his home.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

It doesn’t take much. He adores you and can get hard just by smelling a shirt of yours. All he has to do is start thinking about you, how beautiful you are and how much you mean to him and he’s ready.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No sharing, no exhibitionism, no heavy BDSM

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He prefers to give. He loves being able to have the focus on you and your pleasure. He loves feeling you grip at his shoulders and call his name, thighs quivering ever so slightly.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He’s usually more on the slow and sensual. He enjoys being able to be gentle with you, making love as opposed to just taking you roughly. Taking his time and making sure that he gives you his best every time is important to him and he enjoys being able to draw things out.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He isn’t opposed to them, but he’d rather just wait until he can have you all to himself for as long as he wants. He’ll have them every now and then, but he will always pick proper sex over a quickie.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s always game to experiment but not big in risk. He loves to learn and explore you body and try new things to see if its something you both can enjoy, but he very rarely will ever risk you being found and exposed. He doesn’t want anyone else seeing his girl like that.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He’ll last as long as you need him to. If he does finish too quickly, he’s got no problem circling back and doing whatever he needs to do to give you more and make sure that you’re never left unsatisfied.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He loves using toys on you. He’s not really interested on using them himself, but he does like to use them on you and see how react to all of the different sensations. He always wants to learn new things about your body and toys are one way to do that.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He teases just a bit. Not enough to irritate or frustrate, but just enough to get your worked up. His teasing is more on the playful side as opposed to being used as a punishment.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make

He’s not very loud or vocal. He talks sometimes, just telling you how beautiful you are and will sometimes talk dirty, but he stays quieter so that he can hear you.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

His length is average but the girth? 👀

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It’s about average. He doesn’t need sex as much as he likes having intimacy. He’s almost always ready to go if you are, but he can go some time without it and not go crazy so long as he can still have you with him to cuddle and give/receive affection.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He’s out like a light almost instantly. He likes to roll over, hold you to him, kiss your head, and then he’s snoring.

Mayans @dazzledamazon​  @abunnykisses

Gilly @docsangel​

General @piccasoe​

[softspiderling]

honest feelings and bad timing - TEASER | t.h. / h.o.

Summary: It’s always been you, Tom and Harrison. A package deal. But sometimes things change.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader x Harrison Osterfield

Author’s Note: shoutout to @afangirlwashere for spinning this idea around and making me want to read it so bad, I had to write it. This is not going to be polyamorous, btw, I just didn’t want to give too much away.

Warnings: angst, underage drinking

Word Count: 1,5k

C O M I N G  T H I S  F A L L!

2 0 1 3

“What’d you tell your parents?”

Tom tugged the hood over his head before glancing at Harrison. It was nearing nine pm, they just had their last day at school, and even though it was already dark and the street lamps were slowly flickering on it was still considerably warm.

“I told them we were having a good bye party at Cassidy’s place and that their parents were home, you?”

Harrison stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Told them we were hanging out at Y/N’s place. Didn’t your brothers wanted to tag along when you mentioned a party?”

“Obviously,” Tom snorted. “But mum luckily didn’t let them, said ‘Tom deserves this, you two should stay at home’.”

Sometimes Harrison envied how open-minded Nikki was. Even though he didn’t like lying to his mum and step-father, he knew that they wouldn’t have let him leave the house if he had mentioned a party, let alone alcohol. He usually wasn’t one for breaking the rules, but Nikki was right. It was the end of the school year and all three of you had a busy year.

Tom had been filming his film with Saoirse Ronan, you were going to countless auditions and Harrison had just recently been signed by a model agency. On top of that, you had been juggling the school work which you sadly did not get a free pass on just because you were auditioning, because basically every student was doing the same.

“Lucky you,” Harrison muttered Tom grinned at him, fishing his phone out of pockets when they rounded into your street.

“You think she’s already ready?” he asked and Harrison shrugged, glancing at your house that was standing at the end of the street, windows illuminated by the lights from within.

“She said she was.”

THE BRITS

You: I’ll be done by nine, don’t be late!!11!!

Tommy: we’re standing outside ur house. Should we knock?

“Do you think she told her parents about the party?” Harrison wondered and Tom tapped his phone against his chin, thinking as he stared up the window from your bedroom.

“I’m not sure actually. She’s usually honest with her family, so maybe?” he said, glancing at his phone when it vibrated with a new message from you.

You: no, I’ll be right down.

The boys watched as the light from your bedroom turned off and a couple of minutes later, you exited the house.

“Yeah, I will! Love you!” you called before shutting the door behind you and traipsing over to where the boys where standing, a black oversize hoodie hanging over your bare legs.

“Aren’t you going to be cold?” Harrison asked with a creased forehead and you squinted your eyes at him.

“I just snuck out before my mum could see me and now you’re the one concerned with my choice of clothing?”

“Haz is just saying that we brought hoodies but inevitably one of us is going to have to lend them to you because you’re cold,” Tom piped up and you scoffed.

“I’ll be fine. We’ll be inside the whole time and as soon as I’ve downed some shots, I won’t be cold, I promise,” you told them and linked your arms with them. Harrison sighed but let himself be dragged from you.

“I take it you didn’t tell them about the party?”

You gave him a look. “Are you crazy? Of course I didn’t tell them, you know how weird they get when I even show one sign of growing up and drinking underage is definitely that.”

It was three hours later when Tom and Harrison realized you had planned on doing exactly that.

The boys had left you alone to play a few rounds of Mario kart in the basement of Cassidy’s parents’ house while you had stayed upstairs at the main party. As the music upstairs was turned up so high, even drowning out the music from the basement, the boys found their way back upstairs, only to be greeted by a bunch of people dancing drunkenly and you in the middle of it on top of the dining table., crooning to whatever Rita Ora song was playing

Tom was gaping at you while Harrison sighed, rubbing his hand over his face.

“For god’s sake.”

“R.I.P. to the girl you used to see. Her days are over, baby she's ooooooveeeeer!” you yelled, your voice cracking. You lifted the WKD Blue bottle that served as your microphone and when you caught sight of your two best friends standing in the doorway, you beamed at them, waving them over.

“Haz! Tommy, come on and sing with me!”

You took a few steps forward and the table tipped over, sending you flying. Lucky for you, Tom dove forward to catch you in his arms while Harrison nearly got a heart attack.

“Whoopsie,” you giggled and looked up at Tom with glassy eyes. “Thanks Tommy,” you said and pressed a kiss on his cheek, your lip gloss smearing on his cheek.

“Alright, it’s time for us to leave,” Harrison announced and grabbed your hoodie that you had taken off during the night.

You pouted while Tom gently put you back on your feet. “You okay to stand, love?” he asked, his eyes full of worry.

“I’m fine,” you insisted, fixing the straps of your dress. “I don’t want to go home.”

“Well, life’s hard darling,” Harrison pointed out as he and Tom pulled the hoodie over your head. You planted your heels in the ground as they dragged you out of the crowded house.

“Bye guys!” you shouted, waving with your hands excessively.

“Bye Y/N!” Cassidy called back, her hands around her mouth. “Text me tomorrow!”

As you stepped out of the house, the cold air did a pretty good job of sobering you up a bit and you leaned quite heavily on Tom, as your surroundings started spinning.

You groaned into Tom’s shoulder. “Can we sit down for a bit?” you asked and he sighed before stopping, letting you fall on your butt. You leaned your forehead on your arms and closed your eyes, while two pairs of hands were rubbing your back comfortingly.

“You wanna tell us what this is about love?” Harrison asked, his annoyed tone from earlier having dissipated at seeing the state you currently were in.

“What do you mean?” you mumbled, voice muffled. “I just had too much WKD. Doesn’t mean there’s a deep meaning behind every stupid thing I do.”

The boys shared a look over your head because it usually meant exactly that. Out of three people in this friendship it was usually you who took care of the boys and scolded them for being stupid and not thinking things through. Even though it was refreshing to not being taken care off once in a while, Tom and Harrison were still concerned for your well-being.

You sighed and looked back up, a frown on your face. “James broke up with me,” you mumbled out, plucking some grass from the dirt before throwing it at your feet.

Harrison pulled a face while Tom furrowed his brows. You had met James at an audition for a film and immediately clicked with him, which neither of the boys understood because they both couldn’t stand the guy. He was way too polished and the way he looked down on BRIT school just because he went to some fancy actors’ school in New York was maddening.

“I know you guys didn’t like him, but I really did,” you said and Tom leaned his head on your shoulder.

“What happened?” he asked and Harrison mirrored his actions.

“Do we need to kick his ass?” the blonde asked and you laughed, causing the boys’ heads on your shoulder to shake with the vibration of your body.

“No, you don’t have to. I’m fine,” you said and they gave you a look. “Okay, I’m fine now. I just wanted to forget for a few hours. Being dumped fucking sucks.”

You then grew quiet and the only thing that could be heard was the music playing at Cassidy’s house. Trickling your fingers down Tom’s arm he was leaning on your knee, you laced your fingers with his before doing the same with Harrison’s. You still felt a little empty inside, but sharing the news with your best friends seemed to have dulled the pain a bit.

“I’m really glad to have you guys, you know,” you said quietly. “Thanks for joining me at my table in the cafeteria two years ago, I never had friends like you two.”

“Of course love,” Harrison hummed, squeezing your hand. “Who else would keep us out of trouble?” Tom joked and nudged your arm with his nose.

“You were the ones keeping me out of trouble tonight,” you threw in and closed your eyes for a bit. The way home was long and it was late, the alcohol still coursing through your veins. You weren’t sure how to get home without your parents hearing you and finding out about your drunken state, but you knew that everything was going to be fine as long as the boys next to had your back.

A/N: I’m sooooo excited for this to come out!! Please let me know what you think of this and share your excitement with me!!!

Bolded means I couldn’t tag you for some reason. If that is the case with your user, please shoot me a message so we can figure out the problem! Message me if you want to be on the taglist!

Taglist: @sunflowercth // @thatphandomchick // @psychicforest // @llamasaurousmaddie // @fandomdarlings // @unfortunateshelby // @skyfall8600  // @yeahimcrying // @spideys-gurl // @one-big-fangirl // @imagine-lovebug // @professionalphangirluniverse // @zabdisamor // @palindrome-teddy // @axa-vega // @btsgot7crackheads // @angelicshinigami // @mrsfortune1306 // @spicy-mango626 // @thorsvotary // @boughs-of-hollie // @magicalturmoil // @overdramaticdepressedteen // @tomhollandismyspiderman // @tomshufflepuff // @trustfundparker // @evelyn120700 // @sincerelygmg // @the-surviving-revolutionist // @darktwistydiamond // @tomspidertingle // @jackiehollanderr // @jsusofsburbia // @nerdyandproudofitsstuff // @marvelislove10 // @chaoticc-loki // @pluckypete // @starlightfound // @lost-in-translating // @chaoticharmonyqueen // @beautifullydisconnected // @parkeret // @strang-ersclub // @afangirlwashere @xidaughterofthemoonix // @screamholland // @laureharrier //

[cxlvins]

...000. INTRODUCTION.

helloooo lovelies ! my name is naomi (he/him), i’m twenty-two and from the gmt timezone ! i’m super excited for this to open because i’ve got so much muse right now. i’m down for any and all plots, seriously, i love plotting ! this is calvin, he’s an angry mess of a character, but he’s fun to play, so ! if you just wanna get to know the character, you can skip past the other sections and just focus on personality, i’ve also put some wanted connections in there too ! if you would like to plot, then either shoot me a message here or on discord (heterosexual? how vintage!#8600) or alternatively, like this post and i will message you !

caution: alcohol, drugs, mental health, death.

°☼ ◜ xavier serrano, cismale, he/him ◞ ∗ ∘ good to see you again, calvin marx. you're twenty-three now, right ? i heard you’ve been streaming professionally on twitch  … crazy how time flies. you were always known as the crimson. i’m glad to see you’re just as gregarious as always — and volatile, too .. kidding ! bella used to always mention it …you were her bad influence, after all. don’t worry, we’ll find her soon. what matter is that we’re together now, right ? not really.  + thrift-store clothing, bruised knuckles, a scent of cologne & cigarettes.  + watermelon sugar by harry styles.

...001. BRIEF HISTORY.

calvin grew up very underprivileged for the first 11 years of his life in brooklyn, ny.

his father died when he was 5 years old to a drug overdose, leading his mother became a single mother to him and his younger sister, essentially meaning that calvin had to grow up and be the ‘man of the house’ without having a choice.

because of her new single-mother status, calvins mother had to work 3 different jobs in order for the family to pay rent (a cleaner in mornings, a store assistant in the day and a bartender in the evenings), which meant she was rarely home and left calvin to raise both himself and younger sister.

from a very early age, it was apparent that calvin suffered from anger issues, dyslexia and adhd, constantly getting into fights at every opportunity, his complete inability to focus and never managing to make it through a week at school without a phone call home.

these issues remained untreated, due to his mother putting it down to the ‘boys will be boys’ ideology, and concluding that calvin was just an energetic one at that.

because of this, calvin fell into the wrong crowd pretty quickly and settled into his mindset that he was never going to achieve all that much anyway, because no matter how hard he tried, he could never score well on any test at school.

at the age of 9, calvins mother met, fell in love with and soon married a former client for whom she cleaned for.  calvins new step father was incredibly wealthy, due to being a successful franchisee and also being very largely into stock trading.

calvin, his sister and mother were all moved to his home in wilmington, which calvin struggled to adjust to, as he missed his friends back north.

he quickly made friends with the clique as he was brought into it by jordan and it did put some ease on his pressure, but part of him always felt like he should still be back in brooklyn.

now having access to as much money as he want led him down an early path into experimenting with drugs and alcohol, which soon became a bad habit.

although he wanted to drop out of school, his new step-father would not allow it, which became a large source of conflict for the family over the course of the next few years.

failing to graduate high school at age eighteen, calvin couldn’t deal with living with his family any more and left the house to move into a small apartment, 30 minutes away, with a roommate (possibly a member of the clique).

calvins only real passions were for gaming and sport, and as he smoked and did way too many drugs to make it in any sporting profession, he turned his attention to twitch streaming. he began this pretty soon and built up a solid fanbase (which he wanted to call the marxists, but in calvins words, apparently some dead man already claimed that title). 

...002. PERSONALITY.

calvin is a naturally angry person who can lose his cool and go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds, he rarely gives off signs that he is getting angry until he boils over, so people tend to watch what they say around him.

calvin is self-serving, his feelings will always come before those around him. although he is getting better at managing this, if something will result in calvin gaining something at the expense of somebody else, he will most likely go ahead with it.

calvin is not well educated, so he doesn’t tend to enjoy arguing with words, as he can never seem to find the ones to correctly express how he feels. instead, calvin is much more likely to act physically when something has irritated him (whether this be on a person or inanimate object).

calvin is an awful liar, he cannot lie to save his life as his face always tends to show when he doesn’t agree with an idea/opion/thought that somebody says. because of this, he is very outspoken, and will just say what he’s thinking regardless of if it’s going to hurt somebodies feelings. he’d rather upset them with the truth, than get caught out for lying.

calvin is an extrovert and gains energy from being around people - the more people the better, because of this, he has become a major party animal and loves attending any and all parties that is going on, despite if he’s fond of the hosts or not.

calvin is a heavy user of drugs, alcohol & cigarettes. this is primarily down to his naturally addictive personality and constant need to feel like he’s happy, so that he doesn’t get sad again. there will rarely be a day where he will not  be intoxicated in some way and he will have a cigarette at least once an hour -- and that’s on a good day.

calvin is very much into sports. although not a natural athlete, nor somebody interested in playing sports competitively, calvin loves watching any and all sports, and he likes to play them when he can. due to his smoking habit, he can’t play sports for too long, but will always give it a good go.

similarly to this, calvin is very much into gaming. calvin loves fast-paced games, because they manage to keep his attention despite him not having a very long attention span. most games that he plays are first person shooters, and he’s usually the guy on the mic screaming when a teammate fucks up during online play. a big appeal to him was that games were the only thing he could focus his mind on as a child.

calvin is very much a boys boy, he genuinely abides by the bible of ‘ bros before hoes ‘ because he’s stupid.

calvin hates movies but loves tv, he finds that watching moves involves sitting still for too long, but tv allows him to take more breaks and keeps his interest for longer. although. he’d probably trade both of them for a chance to leave the house.

...003. TRAITS.

[ G R E G A R I O U S ] (+) — a person fond of company; sociable.

[ I N T U I T I V E ] (+) — using or based on what one feels to be true even without conscious reasoning; instinctive.

[ F O R T H R I G H T ] (+) — direct and outspoken.

[ V O L A T I L E ] (-) — liable to change rapidly and unpredictably, especially for the worse.

[ V E N G E F U L ] (-) — not willing to forgive or excuse people's faults or wrongdoings.

[ H E D O N I S T I C ] (-) — engaged in the pursuit of pleasure; sensually self-indulgent.

...004. BELLA KIM.

when calvin met bella, he never took too much of a shine to her, deeming her to be a rather fake individual and not understanding the rest of the groups investment with her. however, because he was a new introduction to the group and not there from the beginning, calvin felt he couldn’t really speak up and vocalise that without being dropped from the group himself.

for whatever reason, bella herself took a liking to calvin and he decided to use this to his advantage. for a girl with such a clean reputation, it seemed only the sensible thing to try and corrupt her -- which proved successful. 

calvin introduced bella to the world of bad decisions and the two spent many nights breaking several laws and it created a sort of bond that only the pair really understood. they never talked about anything personal -- or, if they did, they were too high to remember -- but calvin saw a side to bella that not many others did, which he liked.

after moving out, calvin and bellas meetings became much less frequent as the group drifted apart. they would still meet up for occasional meet-ups, their last one being 3 months before the disappearance of bella.

calvin does not believe that she is alive and is dealing with it, as expected, not very well.

...005. WANTED CONNECTIONS.

CURRENT BEST FRIENDS — Possibly a boy squad? I live for a good boy squad. This person will have similar interests to Calvin, or be able to tolerate his volatile mood.

CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS — Someone with a similar upbringing from Brooklyn, most likely they grew apart when Calvin moved to Wilmington.

RIDE OR DIES — Although he primarily looks out for himself, I’m down to have Calvin have one person who he’s loyal to and will refuse to betray, we can come up with a fun reason for why he cares so much if you’re interested in this one.

HIS ROOMMATE — Somebody that moved with Calvin into his current apartment when he moved out at 18.

A GOOD INFLUENCE ON CALVIN — One of my favorite connections for Calvin to have is somebody who knows all of his flaws and attempts to help fix them. They’ll have to be patient, though, as Calvin doesn’t see himself for having any issues.

SOMEBODY HE IS A BAD INFLUENCE OF — On the opposite, I love when Calvin has somebody that he can introduce to bad things, corrupt easily and get a kick out of watching the commotion.

EXES ON BAD TERMS — Cheating on each other is usually an easy one to go with, but if you want, we can think of something more unique as to how it all fucked up and why they now hate each other.

EXES ON GOOD TERMS — Maybe they still occasionally fuck? There could still be an attraction there, but just no romantic chemistry. Alternatively, they tried it and both just couldn’t see it going anywhere.

EXES WITH LINGERING FEELINGS — There’s a ton of different reasons for why there’s still lingering feelings. The feelings could be one-sided or both ways.

EX FLINGS — Started as friends with benefits, one of them wanted more, the other didn’t, they decided to stop before someone got hurt.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS — No romantic intention, just a good way to kill time at 2 AM, or maybe it’s easy to know you have someone to go home to if you don’t find someone at a party.

FRIENDS FOR NECESSITY — This friend may not have that much in common with Calvin, they may not really get on in day to day life, but they are always there to get high, attend a party or do something dumb. an easy person to talk to when they’re both bored and wanna get out.

HIS YOUNGER SISTER — If anybody fancies a second character, I’m always down to have Calvins sister in the roleplay. They can either get along or not, we’ll just figure out the details.

EX FRIENDS — Used to be close but now aren’t, plenty of reasons as to why.

ENEMIES — Despise each other, seeing this person literally makes Calvins blood boil. Possibly sexual tension too if that would work, if not, they can just fight a lot.

WILL THEY / WON’T THEY — Lots of leading on and teasing each other, maybe they both think they’re stringing the other along but it turns out neither of them are interested? Maybe they start out not interested and it backfires later, by that time the other could’ve lost interest.

ANY OTHER IDEAS YOU THINK WILL WORK !

...006. ADDITIONAL INFORMATION.

Calvin is bisexual but heteroromantic, so any sexual-based connections can be taken by any gender.

Calvins Pinterest can be located here. Please note that it contains triggers for alcohol, drugs, blood & violence.

[empty-dream]

Just watched 13 Reasons Why S4

Ended up making a full blown commentary per episode because this is finally the last season and I’ve been enjoying this mess since S1. I even forgot that it was released until a friend brought it up to me. So in short,

Ep1

OKAY WHO DIES AGAIN HUH??

Clay, narrating: *I'm good at hiding shits so my parents don't notice at all." His parents: *concernedly looking at him pale and mushing food on the dining table*

The concequences of investigating murder cases and creating conspiracies instead of studying your ass off because it's a damn school really caught up huh.

Charlie holy shit I love you he's so chill and good.

It's been years I still can't believe Justin is really adopted by the Jensens. Funny that now the table is reversed, with Justin finally actually doing better and taking care of the increasingly-ill Clay.

SCOTT!! OH MY GOD! SCOTT REED!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA HOLY SHIIITTTTTTTTT AAAAAAAAA!!!

Wow my headcanon is approved, he already graduated by S3. No reason he didn't hang out with the gang after all the shits in S2 if he was no longer around in the first place.

He's still so nice even in Clay's trippy nightmare. Is that what Clay remembers about him? Well not really surprising, considering Scott actually was worried about him in S2.

Good god finally Clay meets a therapist- Wait a minute that's the guy from CSI:NY?!?! Isn't Clay just gonna get clobbered instead.

Okay I knew they are really close and I do adore their relationship so much but HOLY SHIT THEY ACTUALLY GO AT IT WITH ALEX AND ZACH???

Alex: *panicking over the kiss* Zach: Ayy don't worry let's just continue perhaps-suicidally hanging out on dangerous rooftops that you were almost fall to your death from. Alex: ????

Ep2

That narration of Clay ranting about college applications. I'll drink to that bruh.

Ya I too make my applications and other supposedly important matters at 3AM instead of any other more sensible time.

Oh my fucking god that is the creepiest smile I've ever see.

I feel like as Justin gets better and better with his life, Clay goes worse.

Justin is so excited about going to college! You deserve the future man. 

The old-time stoners and drunkards are rehabbed or dead. Enter Zach.

Winston: *eyes and ears up to your shit 24/7*

Nobody likes Tyler in S1 but now everybody likes him.

Okay. Cops doing shit jobs at protecting. This feels too real with this situation right now.

Clay's adventure to put the trash into the trash bin.

Omg they got the paint to the lab this is going real CSI.

Idk about u but at this point I don't exactly want to pay attention to Jessica/Justin problems anymore.

I know Zach and Clay don't get along and that's why I need their adventure together.

Clay drunk-puking on Justin. Well well well how the turntables.

The return of Monet!!

"I have 2.8. If I work hard, I'll get 2.9" Winston omg same.

Tht held gaze between Alex and Winston.. Is this slow burn fanfiction???????

Yes Mr. CSI it will definitely get worse.

I know writing about your feelings can make you feel better but probably not in your college essay form.

Ep3

I'm starting to think Clay is the one who dies in the end? Idk tho.

I guess the toll of busting ass trying to save everyone by yourself is catastrophically high, huh, Clay? Funny that he now goes from 100 in S3 to 0 in here and that's actually realistic.

Alex and Winston are really pining each other with Zach in the background lmao.

"You don't wanna go on the Valentine Dance with me? Even as friends?" Well sometimes there are moments when you just don't go back to being friends. It's an actual normal thing.

And besides the last time Alex goes with Jess for something she wanna do, he ends up murdering somebody. So.

"Hey Zach. Hey punch me. Hey you pussy now? Hey hey. Bitch." *poke* *poke* *poke*

No Zach he's trying to save all of your asses. You can't just say that.

Charlie is really just there trying to do his best in this shitshow and like Justin I wanna laugh but also am proud.

Everyone: *being paranoid and unto each other* Alex and Winston: *having the date of their life*

I wish everyone doesn't have this level of trust issues but then again we won't have a shitstorm drama like this.

When did this become "what is love?" philosophy class?

"You know love but you love so fiercely and sometimes it hurts."Wow Mr. CSI you hit the mark.

How many parties can the Liberty High hold in a year?

"You go with Charlie to get back to Justin, right?" Wow Diego you HIT the mark.

I still have problems with Ani as a character, but I do like her casual banters with Clay.

You know, with all these trust issues, I'm surprised nobody actually tries to peek on other's phone. Like, I know that's low. But, you know, faster solution. And better than having mass hallucinations.

Oh God the football team really is a bunch of jerks. Good fucking thing Scott is outta here.

Alex and Winston almost die like couples in a cheap slasher movie.

"Fuck Love." Clay Jensen, 2019 (according to the movie timeline)

Ep4

Why is Charlie talking? Why is he wearing the football jersey? Who on earth dies?? Is it Zach? Justin? Somebody else from the football team? But the content of your speech man...

Ah yeah. Clay did survive a great big deal of many ugly shits. Single-handedly thanks to adrenaline, mostly.

Jess got a point tho. Ani could have followed Clay to stop him, by herself or with the gang. What did she do? She spied on Winston and Alex, and then went back to the dance. So much for handling anything themselves.

Or maybe, the gang shouldn't have let Ani and Clay take care of it themselves.

Does anybody in this show ever figure out Clay has dead people hallucinations?

Domestic Jensen family is my everything.

Charlie really out there bribing Zach with his homemade cookies I-

Ah yeah, I kinda forgot that in reality Alex and Winston have a really difficult situation. With Bryce and Monty stuff.

"Looking back on your time at Liberty, do you have any regrets?" Really? Isn't that all they have?

"Who do you trust most in your life and why?" Everybody: *immediately side-eyeing each other*

Clay c'mon wtf Justin is really just worried sick and trying to help you. Aaand he's gone.

Jess you don't put your hands into something without checking it first...

Why would you only send 2 adults to supervise 30-50 kids on a camping wildlife trip? They wouldn't be able to do shit.

"I thought you were a football player!" "I AM a football player! And so are YOU!" Gold.

Dream!Monty and Dream!Clay really sit like that and I almost laugh were it not for the fact that I do that too. It's strange to see that for once, they talk normally, heart-to-heart, without the usual snickering, chiding, all that venom.

Oh shit they really make Monty and Clay mirror each other like that. They both protect people they love but have tendencies to snap, one way or another.

Zach, dude, I know you've been a real good friend. But Alex almost died. Twice. Because of your drunken ways. And you laughed. Didn't you spend an entire season trying hard to not let him die again? What's wrong with you?

When did this become a horror movie?

The Standalls :((

CHARLIE MY MAN WITH HIS COOKIES. And incidentally, a wild Zach appears.

"So are we gonna fall apart or trust each other now!" Justin my man.

Clay dude that would have been an amazing entrance were it not for the fact you looked insane.

I can't fucking believe they just go normally at campfire like that. Two people almost died. Several got beaten. What the fuck.

Does it come from the bottom of your heart or it doubles as a threat, Clay?

Alex you had us at the first half not gonna lie.

GR A NO LA CA MP C O OKIES? ??

Wait. So who has been fucking around with the football team? Who moved Clay?? Huh??

Ep5

GUYS THERE IS A THING CALLED GPS ON THE PHONE?? What are you? 3?

Justin finally breaking down after 5 episodes being the most decent and healthy person around. Well Charlie is too but he's new, so.

Finally an obligatory meeting at Monet.

CYRUS AND THE PUNK GANG!!! God I love you guys where have you been. And you guys are computer geeks?!?!?! Perfect.

My question exactly, Clay. Good replies tho, Cy.

I'm still thinking how for a nerd, Clay knows A LOT of people and knows who to ask what.

"How am I even friends with you?" Ya Alex that's my question too. How are you suddenly bff with Zach? I don't remember you two being close in S1?

Hm. If you aren't holding his family at stake, there is no way Tony would even think to rat out.

Mr. CSI starts going CSI on Clay.

I almost forgot Charlie's last name is St. George. The cast goes by Charlie mostly so.

Justin really shows up at the party with the angry mom pose and disappointed look at Clay. The turntable, people. Flynn's voice got raspy.

Oh no no Clay you don't go there. Please don't split my Jensen-Foley brothers like that. Meanwhile the punk gang be like just watching there.

C O O KI E S??? Goddamn Charlie do you bring cookies everywhere you go??

Charlie my boy you T_T I was kinda suprised that the cookie baking actually had a sad backstory.

Clay-Zach bonding that I fucking wish for oh yeah. I definitely didn't expect it with piano and drunk singing tho.

While Clay is having the time of his life, Tony is seeing life flashes in his eyes.

Yassss he winssss!!!!

Caleb's expression when the sherrif hugs him lmfao

Nice try Sherrif but Tony knows your tricks.

"What of any of this is okay?" Wow things you'd never hear Justin says in S1.

Meanwhile, Charlie and Alex are high on weed cookies as fuck. Their conversation is the most interesting thing I've seen beside the Scott cameo till now.

The look on Justin's face when Clay pushes him :((

MY DUDES HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT JEFF'S DEATH? WHAT HE WAS ACCUSED FOR?! You do not, under any circumstances, drive drunk.

Ep6

Clay be spitting truth.

They really be discussing Clay's chronic hero syndrome huh.

Okay. Operation Clay-Zach failed.

Weren't Zach all fuck it all yeah! kinda guy? Guess when you are the one who faces death it's not that fun anymore huh.

"One Clay Jensen is enough" Jess truth.

Do Alex and Charlie really study Spanish in front of Tony who is not helping at all? That would be embarrassing lmao.

Clay: Fuck off. Hallucination!Monty: *sits next to him*

Gotta hand it to Timothy Granaderos. He could go venomous to puppy eyed in 1 second. Amazing.

Man. School shootings are fucked up. There are many things I wonder about mankind and one of them is why is school shooting even possible?

Hallucination!Bryce: Hi I’m sorry I’m late. I hear this is time for Clay’s dead people hallucination party.

"Are you a hero or a martyr?" Wow they really throw the question.

And here is Clay sitting under the desk between his two most hated dead people hallucinations whispering moral dilemmas to him.

Meanwhile Winston and Zach got high.

Charlie helping Alex to breath.

The talk with Estella and Tyler.

"No offense, you are cool, but I don't wanna die with you." Zach chill lmao.

Are.. Are you sure outing that to Winston is a good call, Zach? For a guy who was super paranoid that his gang would narc him, he sure is loose mouthed himself.

I like how everyone from Tyler to Zach to Winston, admits that Alex is a really kind guy.

Wow Tony did you really expect anyone could do anything in that situation, in fucking Evergreen situation, for that matter?

Charlie is a great friend wow.

Cl-CLAY DON'T GO OUT that is EXACTLY what you are NOT supposed to do!!!

Goddamnit Clay. Holy shit Clay. 

Dylan Minnette really worked hard in this scene.

.......... WAIT A MINUTE IT'S NOW ACTUALLY CHARLIE ALEX????? Tony be just walking in.

Ep7

Clay really got into a psych ward. Talk about darkest hour. And it’s only ep 6?

Wow Ty that's some brave lines.

Which hallucination-induced person is Clay talking to before Ani gets there?

Ok that therapy session made me tear up.

These kids are having college interviews at the worst time possible. They are all fucking breaking down one way or another.

And Charlie just, really never gives up on Alex huh.

What's most important to Clay is his friends. Real quick to answer that question huh.

God Justin lashing out at the Jensens. It's the first time he does it and it hurts.

Zach holy fuck. I appreciate you didn't out it but holy fuck you didn't have to do that are you trying to die

Clay-Tony combo is back baby I miss them so much. Although perhaps Tony you would mind a bit about Clay's health because clearly he was out of it.

This is so short. I too really don't like application essays and interviews and the inevitable revisit of the sadder parts of my life because of them.

Ep8

When did this become sci-fi apocalyptic story?

God I miss the time when Clay's dreams are just Inception-styled trippy shit with Scott randomly says hello and gets him water.

Okay. Everyone's got their own way to cope with existential and moral crisis huh.

You know what, I would like one movie out of this sci-fi dream.

I knew it Tyler was a bait to smoke out illegal gun dealers. Is that... An okay thing to do for a high schooler? Sounds fucked up, all things considered.

Yaaay Justin's got the college! I'm super happy!

Wow Estella good question.

Wow Tyler good statement. If they trust each other a bit more, everything would have been a bit better.

Ah shit. Justin relapses again.

Does Tony need to be pummelled first before he finally goes all off to finish his opponent or what?

Is this going Big Brother Is Watching

What the fuck. That locker fight scene is disgusting.

Jess and Clay might throw shades at each other but together they share one brain cell.

"I think it's a walkout, Sir" Tyler lmao

Wow Zach and Alex heart-to-heart.

Cyrus really steps on some pedestal to make his point.

Aaand Zach and Alex really go all out on "doing it right" huh.

They really have students vs cops riot at this time. Talk about timing.

It's nice to see the punk gang enjoying the fighting again.

Dude what happens if you don't have anything on your bag tho.

Aaaah the punk gang with Tyler again!!

"Why are you with me and not with Charlie?" Zach ouch that hurts.

Zach no no no Zach get out of there too Zach pls

Clay really becomes 2nd in command to Jess huh.

Charlie tries to save Clay but gets whacked on the head instead. 

Tony you came back!! Oh so that college scout was.. Oh.

Oh shit Clay. Oh. Shit. I should have realized that. Goddamn.

Ep9

"I like sleep." Charlie me too. 

God Alex and Charlie literally sleep together jaldjwaownaljewoalsj that some cute shit.

Wow Clay really takes Mr. CSI's advice to round up the gang and confesses. That's a step.

Charlie sometimes has a good idea, huh.

The Jensens meeting is probably the reason why the idea of parenthood scares me.

Also Clay and Justin really put the practice of "tell the parents the less-harsh-but-still-harsh truth, then ask them to get prom back" by the book. And it's awkward.

Aww Charlie coming out to his dad and the response he gets... When you put the rich fams like Dempseys, Walkers and Saint Georges together, the last one is really the only healthy one huh.

Way to go Jess!

Ah I forgot Alex has an older brother.

Aaaahhh Charlie has dinner with the Standalls! Their reaction is so sweet!

"Does he make you happy?" "Yeah. A lot." AHDKWJWOAKDUWLAOEL I mean after everything that has happened to Alex, man I am so happy he can say that with a fond smile.

WHAT THE FUCK HAHAHAHHA CHARLIE WHAT THE FUCK HOLY SHIT LMFAO I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST AN TRIPPY ANIMATED IMAGINATION THING and Alex is so done with his extra shit.

Wow Ani you do karaoke good, asking Jess out even better.

OH MY GOD IT ESCALATED. Also Alex is right that one is creepy Charlie.

I thought by special doughnut Caleb means some diet-related stuff fit to Tony's menu for fighting. Why didn't I expect a literal Will You Go To Prom doughnuts?

CHARLIE PLEASE STOP AHAHAHAHA you dumb rich kid where did you get all those lamps and prop candles.

"Would you love me any less?" Aww Clay knows Justin loves him.

"You three all look adorable" Ya Jess, same.

Tony really out there doing the "I'm here because he's here" to Caleb.

Clay, Alex, and Charlie be like judging Zach hard.

Oh right that one kid from Cyrus's gang is gay and he brought his boyfriend!

Zach: You two sitting here like it's a funeral. Also Zach: *proceeds to continue sitting as well*

"We deserve to live." Finally something from Zach's mouth that I can agree for this season.

I love that Tony and Caleb are such good friends to Clay.

And now it's Winston turn for dead people hallucination.

..... The door to the other side again.. :'''((

CHARLIE AND ALEX WON THE PROM KINGS AAAAAAHHHHHH I mean with all those extra efforts, it'd be hard to not to. And there goes Alex finally giving in to dance.

I don't like Luke the football guy when he's the enemy but I like him when he's a friend. He's a hype man lmao.

Alex I'm so happy for you man. I'm glad you are finally happy. My heart was tight at the dance part .

Everyone: *dances* Clay: *sits there, monologuing philosophically*

I like that Clay and Ani finally being honest that they don't fit each other romantically. As romance goes there is not much romantic tension between them. And they have way too many flawed traits that when paired, would turn the relationship sour and possibly toxic in the end.

Justin do u like to show up and make everyone step aside for you or what.

I like that Clay was just watching from a distance. Then at last minute decided to join the crowd with his mother, whom he had a few trust issues with in all seasons.

Charlie: "Foundry's gay?!" Alex: "Mind's blown" Me: Same.

There has been nothing wrong going on in one episode, aside from the Zach one that's timely stopped by Charlie and Alex. I'm suspicious.

Ah. Yes. Of course.

Oh my god Justin's the one dead huh?

Ep10

Oh thank God he hasn't died. Yet.

Oh God Justin no. No no no.

Get your shit together Zach. Even Charlie tells you that.

No no no not like this not after everything oh god.

Somebody would you actually please run after Clay too.

Oh my god Clay.

Oh my god Alex you. Even when he admits it to Winston, he still covers for Jess. I- oh god.

It's been only 15 minutes and it hurts.

Charlie and Alex, the moms of the group.

You know, for a guy who says he doesn't love Justin, Alex gives a lot of shit about him. I guess you can still be around people you don't like?

I know the kiss is huge news Charlie but that's not the issue here lmao.

Zach: *hugs Clay* Clay: ????? Alex and Charlie: ?????? Zach: *pats Tyler's head* *leans on Clay*

The Padillas :''')

Clay Jensen. Class speaker. Wow.

Yeah Mr. CSI's voice is really calm, rather chilling, actually.

"You've looked at death too many times for a young person." Damn right Mr. Jensen.

Ah so that's the reason why Zach stole that letter. Makes sense, emotionally.

You know, I did say Idc anymore about Justin/Jessica problems but when it gets to this point, I can't not care.

So many people come to the hospital...

Clay and Justin's talk. I'm sorry I can't hold it in anymore. I'm fucking sobbing at this moment.

He's dead. He's dead. He's dead just like his mom. But he died not in the same way. He died holding his bro's hand. He died surrounded by his family. He died with people who loved him around.

"After everything, this is how it ends." Fucck

DID HE HAVE TO DIE??? DID JUSTIN FOLEY-JENSEN HAVE TO DIE?? Did you really have to put yet another sucker punch in the last episode of the season?? Yeah I know real kids and people do die from AIDS but really? After a whole season of Clay screaming kids wants to live to the point he lost his mind???

I spent the entire funeral screen crying. I couldn't even scream again when Scott is present in the funeral. I know he'd be there but god I can't right now.

Mr. CSI sure knows super effective ways to make Clay react.

"If Justin's dead, the none of the rest of it matters. " Clay..

He opens up.

Oh yeah I forgot Charlie is a junior.

AAAA COURTNEY AND RYAN ARE HERE!!! I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!!

SCOTTTTT!!!!!! And CHLOE TOO!! It’s nice that they come together. But they aren’t like, together, right? I mean if he is her boyfriend she would say his name right away to Zach instead of a mere ‘would you like to meet him? He’s outside.’

These 4 are such good friends to attend their friends’ graduation ceremony.

The punk guys in toga are so... Refreshing to look. Such hype men.

"It's easy to hate. It's easy to fear. It's goddamn hard to love. But it's not optional. It's essential." Jessica Davis, everybody.

Jeff, Hannah and Justin really died in the span of 2 years. Add to that is Bryce and Monty, whose deaths left uncountable traumas on top of existing traumas. Yeah. It was hellish time.

Scott’s proud small smile when Clay gives his speech. Im love.

"Choose to live. Even on the worst day, life is a pretty spectacular thing." Clay Jensen, everybody.

Ma boi Zach really teared up at Clay's speech. 

Luke and one of the punk kids talking about some geek thing I am not familiar with I-

“No offense Luke. You’ve got great arm but you haven’t been known for your brain.” PETER That BURNS LMAO

Poor Winston just being alone. OH HELLO RYAN YOU ARE FAST.

Zach is gonna study music! Nice foreshadowing since he plays a lot of music this season.

Clay having a gratitude moment with his parents and Scott be like munching cupcakes in the background.

Oh god Hannah ...

Wow the old tape gang is here!! The nostalgia hurts.

They bury the tapes on the same hill again asdfwosaiofai.

Kinda salty Sheri and Scott aren’t here. But then again I guess back then Scott was just helping Clay and co when he could and mostly minding his own business. HOWEVER isn’t Sheri like in the tape and pretty prominent too :(( Like she was really cool with Clay (despite the whole guilt over Jeff), tried to make amends and really helped with the polaroid cases.

Also you can't just insert Scott in Clay's dream and then not have them interact in the end. The dream was such a perfect bait. Like we know at least they apparently get along well.

Everything in Jessica’s final conversation with her Bryce hallucination. Everything in it.

Ryan: “Gordon Lightfoot?” Ha Ryan you miss a whole lot of drama.

Fuck I'm tearing up again at Justin's essay. He deadass makes an entire essay about Clay and how he is his savior I- 

Oh my god they end it exactly like S1 with Tony and Clay riding away. They are really each other’s ride or die.

That’s it. It’s over. It’s been a long trainwreck. So the 2019 class graduates, so does Justin, they are doing uni right now and keeping in touch with everyone. Bye.

[honestandsincere]

musicality

O C T O B E R  2 0 1 9  / /   E L   R E Y  T H E A T R E ‘ S  B A T T L E  O F  T H E  B A N D S

There are certain moments in life in which one can tell are important. Even without the benefits of hindsight, you just know that whatever is happening is pivotal, memorable. Life is appreciated retrospectively until you are submerged in scenarios and situations that seem significant.

Ethan knows this is important, he's known this for a while. He's had time to mentally prepare himself for the sudden surge of dread that washes over him, the stickiness of his palms and the tsunamis of self-doubt. This is a big moment, it will be a big moment, and he does not need hindsight to figure this out. He feels as though he's in some coming-of-age Disney Channel movie his sister used to watch when she'd monopolize the television during summer vacations. Ethan's worked hard for this, he just doesn't want to play a sepia montage of childhood to understand this moment's importance.

He thinks of his first-ever music lesson, with Mr Schumer in first grade. He remembers the maracas being nauseatingly sticky and the tambourine's tiny cymbals being stuck together by some unidentifiable congealed substance. His backside was numb from being sat crosslegged on the linoleum floor, his legs tingling with pins and needles, but he remembers feeling overwhelmingly happy. The tinny ringing of the background disk hummed in the stuffy classroom air as innocently unrhythmic arms shook instruments violently, grins plastered on lunch-stained faces. Ethan tastes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

He ran into Mr Schumer a few weeks back, in the supermarket. He was buying wine for his wife, he'd told Ethan it was their fifteen-year anniversary. This made Ethan feel old, he recalled a clean-shaven young man bringing his girlfriend into their classroom on a Friday afternoon, subjecting her to their inquisitive eyes and naively inappropriate questions. Mr Schumer knew about the band, he said he'd seen them on posters plastered on street corners, even heard the odd song on the local radio station. Apparently, he always knew that Ethan would pursue music, or at least something creative. This was strange because Ethan was never prodigal or exceptionally good, he must have been enthusiastic.

Ethan thinks about the first time he really listened to music. It was when he and his father had taken a drive out of town to fetch the Christmas tree from a family friend's farm. Grayson could barely breathe through his clogged sinuses and Cameron was helping their mother assemble a gingerbread house, too afraid to face the cold. Ethan reckons he must have been around six. Just him and his dad in their car. This was when he'd first been introduced to The Beegees, his father urging him to appreciate 'proper' music. Ethan relives the fact he was unable to comprehend why Barry, Robin and Maurice were singing in such high-pitched voices, marvelling at their ability to not sound stupid. 'I know your eyes in the morning sun' were words he'd soon know but not fully understand, as familiar as the taste of cinnamon and cloves.

"You nervous?"

His brother's lumbering entrance cracks open his blissful reverie. Grayson looks positively terrified, his face pale and eyebrows drawn inward into an unsettling crease. His frame fills the doorframe, blocking the neon lighting of the hallway. The dressing room falls dim. Ethan licks his lips in search of words but decides to shake his head anyway.

"You know, nerves are good. They mean you give a shit, and that's important."

Ethan doesn't reply. Grayson, suddenly alarmed by his silence continues. "Everyone believes in you, E. You guys have got this in the bag - like you've basically already won. Pretty much everyone in the crowd is wearing a SU t-shirt."

Ethan turns to look at himself in the mirror. Sadly, it is not framed with dying lightbulbs, it's not particularly atmospheric. He notes that he doesn't look especially nervous or apprehensive, he looks normal. Griff had told him to dress nice, Ethan does not really know what that means.  He settled for black jeans and an oversized white t-shirt, he looks like himself. "If you wanna talk about it, you know, vent and like let everything out, you can-" "I'm fine, Gray." "That's the kind of shit nervous people say." "I'm not nervous." "OK," Grayson does not sound very convinced, he rolls his eyes at his brother's stoicism, "Griff and Manny have gone for a drink." "I know." "Are they planning on getting drunk or something?" "They're getting coffee." "Oh."

Ethan runs a tattooed hand through his hair, purposefully dishevelling it to his desired look. He gives himself another glance in the mirror, then turns to sit on the fake leather couch the venue has provided them, crossing one leg over the other. Maybe he should have accepted Griff's invitation to join them on their venture for coffee, he feels encased in the grimy walls of their dressing room. Grayson appears jittery; he fiddles with the signet ring on his index finger, twisting it relentlessly. This is his first time backstage and it shows.

"Mom and Cam are in the audience," he says once he's bored of his heirloom jewellery. "Mom's here?" Ethan can't tell whether the knowledge of his mother's presence in the crowd makes him feel better or worse. "In merch and all." "Jesus."

Ethan imagines his mother being thrown about in the sweat-drenched mosh, her perfectly styled hair getting tousled by rambunctious, inebriated youths. He can picture her grimace, grinning through the pain for the sake of her son, singing words she's not too fond of but were written in her garage. She never really wanted him to pursue the band, she didn't think it would amount to anything worthwhile; a trio of slightly overzealous boys writing songs about girls who listen to The Smiths and drink vodka straight. Ethan's mother loves him, she wants the best for him and until the video of the boys performing a Beatles song when viral on YouTube, she had assumed law school was the way to go.

"Don't let Manny curse," Grayson's eyes are wide with trivial fear. "I can't make any promises."

It's incredibly naive to assume that Manny won't speak profanely onstage, it's very rare that he does not. Being on the synthesizer, he is restricted from engaging with the crowd the same way in which Griff, their frontman can. Manny has developed an affinity for screaming various explosives into his mic as the beat drops in their more upbeat songs, grinning wide with unabashed pride as the audience cheers in response. Both Ethan and Grayson know their mother will not be impressed, it's almost as though they are constantly trying to prove to her that this was the right decision. Letting them move to Los Angeles to follow their dreams was not an easy thing for her to do, they knew this all too well.

"Do you know which song you're gonna play?" Grayson moves to perch himself against the precarious dressing table, his broad frame covering the mirror entirely, "Probably There's a Reason Why." "Nice," he elongates the vowel. "It's the video that has the most views, we're assuming that it's the one that people are most likely to know." "Smart move."

Griffin Fraser is trustworthy. Of all people, Grayson Dolan would know this. When he scuffed his knee on the kindergarten tarmac on their first day of school, to when his collarbone popped out on the football field during their championship game, Griff was there. With floppy hair and a tendency to speak almost irritatingly slowly, Griff has always been a hit with the ladies, swanning his way through school at the top of the hierarchy. As Grayson's best friend and Ethan's bandmate, it's almost as though he's their triplet - a third Dolan brother. His voice sounds like the lovechild of a Gallagher brother and an indistinguishable eighties superstar that everyone's uncle adores. Griff calls the shots and nobody complains.

"What are Patchwork gonna play?" "I overheard their Stefan talking to one of the runners, I didn't recognise the song's name. That can't be a good thing."

Ethan shakes his head in denial, Patchwork are good. LA natives with catchy melodies and heavy bass, they're popular at house parties and with those lighting spliffs in their parents' basements. Ethan listens to them himself, he likes their stuff. With three edgy musicians oozing sex appeal and singing about problematic boyfriends and systematic sexism, they are always crowd-pleasers. This battle had become a war as soon as El Rey had announced that the competition would pit Sunday’s Unrest (Ethan’s band) against Patchwork. Things get personal when bands are compared, particularly when they are familiar with one another. Ethan is too familiar with Patchwork. Too caught up in figuring out whether this familiarity is a blessing or a curse. "I wouldn't worry about them, E." "This is a competition, I'm supposed to worry." "Not if you're the best band." "That's not up to you to decide." "Unfortunately."

There's a laugh from outside. A loud, ferocious female laugh that has Ethan and Grayson sharing a confused look. She waltzes into the room without knocking on the opened door, her hair fanning behind her. "No way were you just listening to our conversation," the younger twin groans, running a hand over his face. "This is a competition," she mocks, a smirk taking over her flushed face and Ethan wishes he doesn’t recall how her lips taste, "I'm supposed to eavesdrop."

Ethan rolls his eyes at her, not being able to believe the fact he hadn't seen this coming. The intimidation tactic. Sending Y/N Y/L/N into their dressing room as a means of psyching the band out, getting into his head. Dangling the most brilliant prize in front of him, only to snatch it away with his own regret. It’s just him and her. And his brother. "Nice to see you, Y/N," he deadpans, untangling his legs and sitting upright on the couch. "You too, E," she leans against the doorframe and crosses her arms over her chest.

Y/N Y/L/N could easily be the face of her generation. She's just too cool. In a worn looking Paul McCartney T-shirt and a black miniskirt, Y/N exudes confidence. Her effortlessly messy hair has been tucked behind her ears, showing an array of silver studs in her lobes. An embodiment of edgy, the perfect frontwoman. Patchwork burst onto the music scene a few years ago, garnering attention with their memorable choruses and ability to soundtrack melancholy lyrics with an upbeat melody. Y/N, a personable and eccentric vocalist and guitarist, is venerated by many a journalist. Her interviews go viral online as she giggles and charms her way through somewhat tricky questions, always relatable and consistently loveable. There's Maria on the drums. She's rather quiet, not usually partaking much in press events but is gorgeous nonetheless, in a mysterious nobody-can-tell-what-she's-thinking-but-they-want-to-know-everything-about-her kind of way. Sara is on bass, she's the funny member of the band, hilariously clumsy and adorable. Her self-deprecating sense of humour makes her a hit with audience members as she cracks jokes at her own expense during their sets. Patchwork are the whole package, people either want to sleep with them or be them. It's almost irritating how perfect they are.

"How've you been, Y/N?" Grayson asks politely, cocking his head to one side as though the analyze her every detail. "Not too bad, I'm a little nervous though," there's an edge to her voice that sounds sincere, Ethan wants to feel sympathy for her because he can empathize wholeheartedly. But, she's competition and he desperately wants to detach any feeling from her. Grayson nods his head slowly, unsure of what to say. It's as though he doesn't want to offer her comfort in fear that it might give her a sudden boost of confidence which, in turn, would lead to Patchwork winning the competition. Is he a sadist?

"What song are you guys playing tonight?" Y/N looks at Ethan almost hopefully. He figures there's no harm telling the truth, "There's a Reason Why." "I like that one." "Yeah, me too."

Grayson senses some uneasiness in the room, as though they're dancing around a topic that he is utterly unaware of. It's like they're communicating telepathically or something. He feels a slight pang of jealous, telepathy is his and Ethan's thing. "What about you, Y/N?" he asks, despite knowing the answer. "If I Could Change Your Mind," she shrugs, "it's kind of an old one." "I know it," Ethan says with a certain intensity that makes her pout a little, her bottom lip jutting outwards ever so slightly. "I expect to see you singing along then," Y/N says, looking at him intently before turning on her heel and walking out through the opened door.

"May the best band win!" she calls from down the corridor.

---- D E C E M B E R  2 0 1 8  / /  A N   U N K N O W N   B A R   I N   L A

The room is gently spinning. The edges of objects like tables and chairs are soft and blur into one another. This is a suitable state of tipsy. Appropriate. Enjoyable but sensible, knocking the edge off. Ethan, Manny and Griff are celebrating. Charlamagne just went gold and they could not be happier. They're not even twenty-one but their management (consisting of a middle-aged man named Stefan) snuck them into this indistinctive bar downtown, buying rounds of drink and clapping each of the boys on the back.

"We've made it," Manny slurs, "We've actually fucking made it. Shit. Fuck." "I know," Griff's eyes are wide and he looks as though he's seeing in colour for the first time in his life, "this is insane." "Really insane," is all Ethan can manage.

He sips at his whisky, unable to distinguish whether he enjoys the burn it leaves in his throat. He's never gone out drinking before, only ever passed around a bottle of wine or gotten pissed of Manny's dad's beers in their basement. This is what being a rockstar tastes like, he thinks. Ethan called Grayson a few hours ago to tell him the news. Then he'd called his mother and then his grandmother and then his aunt and then he'd shoved his phone into his back pocket and shaken his head in disbelief. The song he's written. The song he'd shown Griff and asked for some help with. The song Manny said was shit, to begin with, but then actually really liked once they got to play it. Charlamagne. Gold.

"We're fucking famous," says Manny, puffing out his chest a little. "Sort of," Ethan half laughs. "Three boys from New Jersey with weird music tastes," Griff muses, "this is the kind of shit they make movies about." "Indie movies," Ethan clarifies.

He lets his eyes roam across the room for a second, dancing over the warped figures in his drunken haze. And that's when he sees her. The girl he'd hooked up with within the first month of moving to Los Angeles. The one with the weird taste in music like him, with the messy hair and wide smile and obnoxious laugh. It had been at Griff's apartment, (it was essentially a room in an almost dilapidated building, Griffin used words like 'rustic' and 'charming' in order to describe it) she'd flirted nonchalantly with him and he was slightly enamoured. Ethan thought she was perfect; her snide remarks at Manny's bad jokes, the way she and her bandmates acted like sibling rather than colleagues and the way she told him his Jersey accent was impossibly strong. Ethan doesn't think he has an accent. They'd vanished into Griff's 'bedroom', high on adrenaline and Manny and Sara's secondhand smoke. Neither of them was intoxicated, and yet the night is a blur of tangled limbs and sheer excitement with flashes of clarity in her laugh and smile.

Y/N Y/L/N.

She's here with her band too, he remembers that Stefan is also their manager. They are good. Stitchwork? Crochet? Patchwork. "Holy shit! It's Maria! And Sara! Fucking hell, Y/N!" Manny yells, drawing the attention of all the drinkers in the velvet-adorned room.

The three girls seem so glide towards them, catching eyes and throwing smiles in all directions like confetti. Ethan notices that Stefan catches them before Patchwork meets Sunday's Unrest. Their manager is gesticulating wildly, causing Y/N to chuckle, Maria to snort and Sara rolls her eyes mockingly. He thinks maybe Stefan is warning them of the state of the boys' drunkenness as if to preface their meeting with a few words of caution. Ethan figures this is sensible.

"Get over here!" Manny howls, waving his heavy arms above his head like he's drowning in a cola and Bacardi riptide. "If it isn't Captain Fuckboy and his devout followers!" Sara retorts, swaggering past her manager and straight towards the boys' booth. Griff's eyebrows draw inwards, "Sara, are you pissed?" "Pissed off," she shrugs, folding her arms over her leather-clad chest and glaring at Ethan Dolan with intensity.

Shit.

"Oh," Manny is as smug as a younger sibling, grinning at Ethan with little camaraderie, "you're talking about Ethan." "You know I am." "Listen, neither Manuel or I am responsible for our bandmate's endeavours," Griffin attempts to sound unfazed. Ethan has nothing to say, he feels his cheeks heating up with what could be embarrassment or shame, but he's reached the stage of drunkenness in which all emotions bleed into a melancholic mess.

Sara ignores both of the floppy-haired boys, her stare focusing on Ethan, "You could have called her, or texted her. She really liked you."

Ethan Dolan is not a douchebag. He does not mess girls around, he never has and doubts he ever will. But he slipped up when it comes to Y/N Y/L/N. To say he is intimidated by her is a pathetic excuse, but it's the closest he can come to an explanation. Guys like him do not get with girls like her, she's too cool. He was scared, terrified of his imminent failure when it comes to dating. So he decided it would be best if he pretended their encounter never happened. It gave him peace of mind for maybe an hour or so. "I didn't think Y/N wanted to pursue anything," is what comes out of his mouth, his voice sounds alien.

"You're a dick, Ethan."

----

O C T O B E R  2 0 1 9

Grayson Dolan waits until the girl in the Paul McCartney t-shirt is out of earshot. He listens to the rhythmic clicking of her ankle-boots on the hallway floor, hearing them fade until he and his brother are sat in silence. "Remind me when you wrote the song," he says. "Excuse me?" "Remind me when you wrote There's A Reason Why." "I don't know, man. Like this time last year?" Ethan knows exactly when he wrote it, he can tell you which room it was written in. "Right," his brother doesn't sound convinced.

It's about Y/N. It's blatantly obvious that Ethan Dolan wrote the song about her. Or at least about that night in the unknown bar, avoiding her the whole time they were there. It's about how she tried to make conversation with him, asking him if he's been busy, fishing for clues as to why he never replied to her texts or answered her calls.

Y/N does not chase anyone, she gets chased. Ethan Dolan was the only exception. He was worth chasing. She reached out to him maybe five or six times, kicking herself when she'd been ignored. She's better than that and she knew it.

Ethan puffs air through his lips, drumming his palms quickly on his thighs and stands up. He stretches his tense arms out in front of him, shaking away his apprehension. This is too important, this opportunity is too big. He can't let himself fall into the chasm of anxious thoughts, all the 'what ifs' and 'maybes'.

"I'm gonna go find Griff and Manny," he rasps.

----

D E C E M B E R  2 0 1 8

He can't feel his hands. He watches his fingers press down on the stiff keys, he hears the sound it makes. But his hands are numb. His head spins, his chest burning with the leftover alcohol. He'd staggered into his apartment, making a beeline for his bedroom. Ethan needs to write, or at least map out a melody for a tune that's swimming around in his head. He's a drummer by nature, rhythms are practically ingrained in his identity, but this melody is so salient in his mind that he has no choice but to get it out.

'There's a reason why I never returned your calls I wish I could forget it all But I never returned your calls 'Cause I'd fall in again'

He hums as he mixes various chords. The electronic ring of the Casio comforting his dissociated haze. Seeing her has brought it all back, the fear. Ethan needs her out of his system and the best way to dispel her lingering legacy is through his lyrics. He won't sing them because he's not a singer, he can't slur notes together smoothly the way Griffin can, his pronunciation is not as seductive or as nice to listen to. Ethan carries the tune. Pulling out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans, Ethan records the succession of chords he's just haphazardly composed.

G. C. G. C. D. C.

It's lighthearted, it sounds like a synth-pop song that his mother would hum in the car as she drove him and his brother to football practice. The chords are simple and memorable, but his lyrics need to explain what he's feeling. How he has felt.

'Don't talk I'd have run to kiss your mouth Is it me Or just a dream that never dies?'

The words are forming effortlessly, flowing into one another without much of a struggle. Ethan reminds himself that he is very drunk and it is very likely that this sounds really awful, but he keeps going, somehow recording a few verses and the skeletons of a bridge. He likes it. He'd listen to it if it was being played on the radio, maybe he'd even turn it up. Manny could work wonder with some kind of synth-riff melody hybrids he conjures up when they rehearse. Griff could add some quirkiness with his performance, maybe changing up the melody a little to suit his voice. Ethan plays the recording back to himself, cringing at how bare his voice sounds. It's raspy and sonorous, but the melody is clear and is catchy. He taps out a beat on his legs, imagining the song post-production. He closes his eyes, trying his best to picture the band onstage, seeing the faces of thousands of enthused fans belting the lyrics he's just written. The music video would have to be eighties inspired, perhaps they could hire some dancers or something or film it in a proper studio.

He's tempted to crawl to his drum set that currently lives in his living room. He wants to play on top of the recording, hear it properly. Ethan's limbs are too heavy, his body weak with tequila and guilt. How was he to know that Y/N actually liked him? Jesus, he is stupid. Ethan wants to apologise to her but he knows that would make him look bad, desperate even. As if sliding back into her text messages to say sorry for pretending their little rendezvous didn't happen would somehow make her want him again. Sorry is a great word, but it only goes so far.

Ethan must have fallen asleep at the keyboard. He wakes the next morning to light streaming through his opened blinds. Head pounding, nausea pulsing through him. He needs water and an aspirin.

This song is a fucking bop.

------

O C T O B E R  2 0 1 9

She's gorgeous. Otherworldly in the misty blue lights of the stage. She looks back at Maria, watching the brunette hits out a count of four with her sticks. Sara strums a chord, enticing the audience into the introduction of their song; a twang of the guitar and a heavy beat. On each accent, she throws her head back, her grin lighting up her face. The lights change colour to dusty pink, framing the girls and encapturing their beauty. Everyone has been sucked into their world, desperate to live in it.

Y/N presses her lips to the mic, tucking her hair behind her ear to keep it from her eyes. She glances at the people lining the front of the stage, smirking knowingly. She has them wrapped around her finger. On the cue of her voice, the beat drops. Maria pushes on with the pounding rhythm, hypnotizing and sharp. Sara quickly plucks a riff that has even Manny cheering.

'No Please don't cry I've never done this before Drove a million miles'

She's breathing melodically as if music pours from her soul. Y/N doesn't even look like she's trying, hitting every punch of the beat with her body. Swaying side to side as she fills the auditorium with high tempo melancholy. Ethan is so in awe of her. He wants her presence, wants to be that good of a performer. He's jealous of Maria's ability to keep perfect time, even as they play live. He wants to play the bass guitar with Sara's dexterity and verve. He wants Y/N.

'If I could change your mind I would hit the ground running It took time to realize And I never saw it coming Forgive my lying eyes Gonna give you all or nothing If I could change your mind I could make you mine, make you mine'

It's a great song. Like Grayson had mentioned earlier, it's not one he recognises. However, as he looks out into the mismatched faces of the audience, he notices that the majority of them seem to know the words. People are singing along, screaming and dancing. He wonders if his mother is enjoying, if Cameron is impressed. He certainly is.

"They're good, E," Grayson yells over the amps from behind him. "I know." "I wonder if this one's about you."

He does not have to turn around to see the smirk on his brother's face. This song is not about him, Y/N would never immortalise him in music. He's not great enough. There’s nothing to say that Maria or Sara did not write this song, it’s not exactly explicit. This song has a deep sentimental value to someone, his relationship (if it can even be called that) with Y/N is not one of deep sentimental value. Yes, it’s the main cause of all his daydreams - but it’s not love. He loves the idea of being in love with her, reckons he probably could fall in love with her within a few days. It’s utterly terrifying when it’s put into practice.

She turns to the wings, grinning at Manny who is bopping fiercely along to the tune. It’s as if the world presses the fastforward button on its remote when her eyes meet his. Everything rapidly speeds up, it’s almost headache-inducing. She’s narrowed her glitter-lined eyes gently, as if to focus on his features, to gauge whether or not he’s enjoying her performance. Y/N brings the mic to her lips, juts out her hip and sings to him. Regardless of whether or not the song was written about him or even written by her, this bit stings;

‘But if I was to say I regret it Would it mean a thing?’

Battles in the music world are dangerous, in the same way they are common. Battles in the music world with unexplored and unfinished feelings are incredibly perilous, in the same way they are uncommon. Ethan takes a deep breath.

------------

Hello! Long time no see! I’ve been so confused recently, but I was inspired by the lovely @ethanhes‘ post of a sort of band-inspired collage. I hope you guys like this! I’ve used Blossoms and HAIM’s music for each band, I just really love the vibe of the music and the lyrics seemed too appropriate! Lots of love x

[drizzys-selfship-sea]

2, 10 and 12 for anybody? ^-^

Hoo, finally can answer!!! Coming right up uwu

I’m gonna choose Tomura, Azura, and Kazuichi to answer these with :0

2. Accidental Hand Hold: When did you first hold hands with your F/O?

-Being in a relationship with Tomura is interesting for a few reasons, but one of them is how hand-holding is suddenly the most intimate thing in the world.

-I mean, it makes sense!!! He’s hesitant to hold hands because of his quirk. He doesn’t wanna hurt me, y’know?

-So holding hands came muuuuch later than every other milestone and was like the ultimate act of trust

-I know how much he cares about his boundaries, so he was the one to initiate (or rather, he was the one who left himself open for it and subtly tipped me off that he wanted to hold my hand)

-He really wasn’t feeling that great at the time, so the reassurance that I was there for him and wasn’t scared of his quirk meant a lot (plus I think it reassured him that he isn’t a danger to me)

-We still don’t hold hands a lot, though. It makes the times that we do mean more ^w^

10. Love Epiphany: When and how did you realize you loved your F/O? When and how did they realize they loved you?

-It was gradual on both our ends

-As Azura’s retainer, we’ve been by each other’s sides for so long that it’s really hard to nail down a “when” (especially since I have no idea how to feelings)

-Things just kinda...developed and transitioned, and before I knew it I was in too deep to back out uwu’’’

-It hit me the second I had to stop and think: is what I do just a job or do I actually want to stick by her?

-I just realized that I couldn’t imagine a life without her. Even if I could, I didn’t want to

-The strength of my feelings hit me all at once, but that just gave me the drive to push through all the hardships that were to come because dangit, I don’t care what anyone says or thinks, I’ve fallen for the princess I’d sworn to protect.

-For Azura, she was a bit more aware of her feelings, but would actively try to ignore or bury them. She was convinced I’d never feel the same way about her

-There wasn’t much of a big epiphany, honestly. It crept up on her in chunks so smoothly that all she knew was that suddenly my obnoxious squeak-laughing made her feel all fuzzy inside

-The closest the realization ever got to that was her thinking of how for the longest time I’ve always been a steady, reliable constant in her life, someone she could fully let her guard down around and trust to be kind to her, and she was (and is) infinitely grateful for that

-She knew at that point that I was the only one she could see herself spending her life with, because I’m more than just her bodyguard--I’m her most trusted friend, too

-(and now I’m her wife uwu)

12. Post-Kiss Catatonia: How did you and your F/O react to your first kiss together?

-Two words: nervous laughter

-The first kiss was a big mess so neither of us knew how to react afterwards. Like how does one do the romance thing??????

-So there’s a hesitant, nervous, cuttable-with-a-knife tension for a minuscule number of seconds. Kaz is holding me by the arms and we’re staring at each other, breathing through the feelings high

-And since I’m the kind of person to crack under emotional tension, I start giggling

-He smiles and chuckles with me and we both just get louder from there until we’re both grinning and howling, leaning against each other

-After we’ve calmed down we both decide that’s gonna need another go. Kiss number 2 was a bit better!! :3

[watchingninjago-archive]

Season 1, Episode 7: Tick Tock

(to the tune of tik tok by ke$ha) don’t stop, we’ll bring to light what we really didn’t want, tonight we’re gonna find it’s worse than we thought, tik tok on the clock but it’s what we don’t wanna know-o-o-o (oh!) o-o-o- (oh!)

[21:27] this is the one where shit just goes sad right

[21:17] (opens with gears, zooms out and Kai says “The guy just broke his own record, it’s inhuman!”) i’ve been spoilt and everything is just gonna hurt till the revelation happens huh

[21:07] how is the fish comfortable enough to be pet. Zane must do this often, huh

[20:45] “We’ve been training for so long, I don’t think we can get any better!” Do you really want to make me laugh in 11+ seasons

 [20:30ish] sweet, sweet montage

[20:15 maybe?] I love how Jay’s and Kai’s are related to their elements and Cole’s is just he’s really fucking buff

[20:00ish] I swear to god though he’s just really fucking buff!

[19:45ish] Uhoh what’s going on

[19:42] “My mind has been elsewhere since Lloyd has gone missing.” Well, it’s pretty early for this, but here comes the Oh God Wu’s Family Is So Goddamn Wild And Not In A Good Way comment.

[19:03ish] okay can we pplleeease get some info

[18:51] Holy shit we’re actually getting stuff okay

[18:05] “He told me not to put off what could be done today,” That’s an echo. That’s a bloody echo.

[17:51] OH GOD I’M MAKING CONNECTIONS TO WHAT COULD BE GOING ON AND IT’S QUITE OBVIOUSLY NOT GOOD

[17:16] Holy shit… It wasn’t Wu’s fault but I realise that he almost certainly blamed himself. That’s gotta hurt a lot. One bite, and boom! Your brother and your best friend is instantly gone, replaced with a complete asshole. And that’s just the start.

[17:06] And is this why he is so focused on the inner self? Because he had to force himself not to blame himself for something he didn’t do? This episode  I knew would be sad, but I had no clue how bad it could get.

[16:58] And yet he still partially blames himself. Holy shit. It’s just ... if  my sister was in Garmadon’s place and I was in Wu’s, I doubt I could even manage to be somewhat mentally stable after that, let alone able to mentor the ninjas. Is that why he seems so distant at times? Because he’s got that little fear in him that the Devourer is still out there (and it is, but closer than he thought), and could strike one of the Ninjas? Is that why Nya is with the Ninjas, because he couldn’t get himself to separate her from Kai? Is this why he kept Lloyd for no apparent reason?

[16:17] But holy shit, he’s leaving. Okay.

[14:55] Kai, you’re slipping.

[14:46] uhhh Zane to Earth? Zane, you there?

[14:25] Hiiii Falcon!

[13:39] Was gonna say “just use your weapons” but aside from Jay they can’t really do that here, huh?

[13:11] Okay but you can totally use your weapons here, they can transform into cars and a plane, remember?

[12:37] Welp, off goes Zane, who will totally not find out anything about himself.

[12:22] big F to the Falcon

[12:18] Jeez, better not show this to the Birds Aren’t Real guys (or maybe do it’ll be funny)

[12:00ish] Oh god those are suspicious noises

[11:54] OH SHIT IT’S A MORE ROBOTY ROBOT

[10:50] He kills the robot by smacking it’s back a bit.

[10:21] If Gravity Falls has taught me anything, it’s a 50/50 chance that a tree will be useful. I have a bad feeling it’s gonna be less of a Journal 3 and more of whatever the hell that bunker’s deal was.

[10:18] Okay, definitely a bunker. Could have a shapeshifting nightmare fueller in there.

[10:09] And we see… stuff. Robotics stuff mostly.

[10:01] I can’t help but d'aww at that Falcon. I hope it gets fixed. I like birds.

[9:50] Yay!

[9:39] Oh… oh not yay.

[9:35] OH REALLY NOT YAY

[9:32] O H SHIT

[9:30] OH Sh- you’re really hamming it up. I mean, fair enough your whole life is a lie but still.

[9:03] Welp, cut to Wu trying to get some Traveller’s Tea.

[8:46] Back to the bunker, which was the bad half of the 50/50. Well, hope the other ninjas don’t freak out.

[8:37] welp i’m in very much dreading this mode

[8:30] Hoooooo boy this is gonna be something hard to break

[8:25] AND YOU NEVER NOTICED

[8:02] You know, I was going to make a comment for how horrifying this all is (like his entire sense of self is totally fucked by this, i can imagine. like…) but goddammit I’m just going with whatever’s happening now

[7:57] remember that uhhh the frog on the unicycle. because i’ve been… reminded.

[7:44] Alright, song’s over, let’s go back to the fact that ZANE’S NOT HUMAN(??? lego????) THAT HAS GOTTA HURT.

[7:15] First off, props to the others for trying their best to cheer Zane up. Second off, holy shit this episode rules. It’s killing me inside, but things have gotten just… far more interesting than I thought it would be. I didn’t think I’d take hold to it, and when I first actually felt invested I thought I just had shit taste, but… No. I think it’s genuinely good.

[6:51] Oh god those are Treehorns? Those are horrifying.

[6:21] But seriously. Cole is super fucking buff. (You spin me right round, baby right round, like a record baby, right round, round round)

[6:06] Memory switch? That’s not a good sign.

[6:03] GODDAMMIT

[5:54ish] I’m sorry WHO IS THAT

[5:41] oh boy this isn’t going to end well huh. this is… too happy for this not to end badly considering zane didn’t know anything about where he came from.

[5:30] IT’S THE FALCON HELL YEAH

[5:13] OH NO.

[4:56] NOOO

[4:53] NO.

[4:48] THAT… THAT WAS AWFUL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN

[4:43] oohhh my god. oh my god. i really underestimated this show, didn’t i.

[4:30] LET’S GO ZANE! LET’S GO!

[4:13ish] “What’s gotten into Zane?” Well, he did just find out about who created him, and had to witness his own … dad’s? his own dad’s death so not much really.

[3:43] Aaah, love the smell of “it’s gonna be hard to sleep tonight” in the evening.

[3:27] HELL YEAH!!! KICK SOME ASS, ZANE!

[3:22] I can’t believe Zane’s fucking Ascended

[3:10] TRUE POTENTIAL Y’ALL! I AM SO PROUD OF HIM

[2:52] !!!!! hELL YEAH

[2:48] ouch

[2:38] and everything is kinda okay for now! yay

[2:29] :’)

[2:19] :’’’D

[1:56] uhoh the snake juice is leaking

[1:43] goddammit Pythor I forgot you existed

[1:28] dammit the villains are going to get an advantage oh no oh damn

[1:17] I know I already made the “Wu’s family is just so goddamn wild and not in a good way” comment but I’m making it again. Wu’s family is just so goddamn wild and not in a good way.

[1:06] Jesus christ, what’s in that tea?

[1:04] I’M SORRY WHAT

[0:42] Dammit made the comment too early.

[0:00] Holy shit. I swear, if I saw this episode when I was a wee Jaimeling, I would’ve probably been haunted by it like that one Magic Schoolbus episode where that buzzkill redhead took his helmet off in space and froze because IT’S SPACE YOU DUMBASS. So I’m happy I saw it now, when I can actually process (I use that lightly) what’s happening.

[bpd-seishi]

for the au ask meme: the drrb talent gamble, pregame drrb, and the sdr2-drrb talent shift? owo - strawberry anon (i'm gonna send in a few more in portions!)

@strawberry-dangancanons i think three at a time is too many oops ;w; 

but!! rin has given me permission to link to the docs for these aus so u guys won’t be left totally in the dark uwu uwu so let’s go 

drrb talent gamble i’d also link the outfit doc but it’s unfinished pfft

1. astronomer seishi has 100% eaten a bath bomb at some point in his life, at the urging of shiori. he couldn’t help it, listen, it had sprinkles! it looked so good! he had to be taken to the hospital immediately afterwards RIP

2. he watched the alien movies when he was six because he was interested in space and he didn’t think they’d be that scary, and also they were just on at the time. he couldn’t sleep for weeks afterwards, but surprisingly, this wasn’t enough to crush his love for astronomy! 

3. for a while after the killing game, seishi couldn’t sleep alone. he had to have someone be there, be it akira, marin, shiori, hikaru or tsuki (even though she’s a robot, she still counts of course! :’0) (and her purr function is pretty comforting too ;w;) 

4. sometimes akira and marin talk about coding together, and even collaborate on projects sometimes. seishi has no idea what they’re talking about, but he loves hearing them so excited, so he usually listens in anyway and acts as their snack/water boy when they’re working really hard on something aaaaa

5. you know those little glow in the dark stars you can get for your room? seishi 100% has those all over his walls and ceiling. it’s partially because he lives for the space aesthetic, and partially because he’s deathly afraid of the dark lmao 

pregame drrb (rin’s posts, + marin and seishi) 

1. seishi’s super attached to his monomi plushy, even bringing her to school for a while until some bullies threatened to destroy her. he still adores her, though, and sometimes he talks to her to soothe himself 

2. most of the fanfics seishi would write for danganronpa involved talentswaps he created with marin, and they were often really long and explored how the different talents/personalities would cause different murders to happen. stuff like that’s always really fascinated him, and it was part of the reason why marin was able to get him into the series uwu 

3. seishi has 100% has cosplays of chiaki and mikan! he just....hasn’t worn them in public, because he’s too afraid to. he also wants a kyouko cosplay, but he has to save up for it. meanwhile, marin also has a chiaki cosplay, as well as a sonia cosplay, and they met ayumu at a con because he was wearing a nagito cosplay :0 

4. seishi’s online friends with a username of stardust-nico-xo who also writes fic for danganronpa! she writes a lot of poetic-y f/f stuff and seishi really appreciates her style. it took him like forever to actually work up the nerve to talk to her outside of fic reviews though RIP (if you couldn’t tell already it’s one himuro nico haha) 

5. occasionally, after a really hard day, seishi will invite marin over for comfort’s sake. sometimes though he’ll start to cry, and one time as a spur of the moment decision marin picked up his monomi plush and started talking to him in character until he started to calm down. it’s kinda become a ritual for them now if he gets really worked up and otherwise inconsolable and yes this headcanon is really self-indulgent let me have this okay i’m ;o;

sdr2-drrb talent shift (+ outfits if you guys are interested) 

1. at some point seishi totally wears chiaki’s swimsuit yes i just wanna see him in a bikini shut up okay? and all of his classmates are confused as to why he wants to wear a “girl’s” bathing suit. he just tells them that he wants to feel pretty lol (may or may not have a fic i wanna write about this scenario but ssshh) 

2. as mentioned in the outfit doc, misuzu has a dragon tattoo on her back. at one point she brings this up to seishi and he gets really excited at the thought (he just thinks it’s neat!) and asks if he can see it. at first she thinks he’s hitting on her though which leads to some. awkwardness lmao but like,, oh, honey....no--

3. akira’s music is a mix of emo rock and screamo. basically think mcr and [insert popular screamo band idk i don’t listen to that genre lmao]. he also sings for the group like ibuki does in chapter 3 and while it scares the absolute crap out of seishi, ayumu’s actually kinda into it. he’s emo leave him alone pfft 

4. i’d like to think that marin, maiko, and nico have a love triangle-ish, ot3 dynamic, kinda like gundham, kazuichi and sonia except healthier and with less stalking lmao 

5. like fuyuhiko, misuzu also wanted kasumi to leave their master-swords woman dynamic behind while being on the island. however, kasumi is much more manic and even less socially inclined than peko, so she pretty much botches that plan immediately when seishi and ayumu introduce themselves to the two of them and she pulls her sword on them :’) 

[092219archive]

alkene, ether and arene for your fox wife tamamo! -kaiselfships

:0!!! thank you so much, kai!! i love her so, so much 💕

alkene - what is an object or memory you cherish associated with your f/o? is it something they gave you? what makes that memory so special?

tamamo has always been a really doting servant to eren. she loves giving them things out of love, mainly food because eren hardly eats, ever. but i think that the most special gift she could ever give eren that’s not just her tender love & care would be an omamori, maybe… a talisman to protect eren from harm. it’d be really fitting considering that she’s constantly making sure that her master, whoever it is, is safe at all costs (seen a lot in ccc/extra/extella/the other series with hakuno(n) that i might be missing)!

tamamo would have to explain what it is exactly and how it works and while she’s doing that, i think she’d get really soft and quiet… she really only does that when it’s just the two of them in private, and that’s when eren kinda realizes that this isn’t just any gift, but “[this is] something only for you, and something only from me.” IT’S A GENUINE GIFT, BASICALLY-

and eren would definitely have a hard time telling her that “hey, i really appreciate this” because words are difficult and feelings are even harder to express for them, but i feel like… tamamo would know. she’d definitely know that eren values it, because they always have it on their person regardless of where they’re going.

ether - what are kisses from your f/o like? what are their favorite spots to kiss?

DEFINITELY DEPENDS ON OCCASION. generally speaking, tamamo is a big fan of pecks on the lips or just about anywhere on eren’s face. if it’s exposed, she can KISS as many times as she WANTS. they’re usually very quick though, because while she does like to have her hands somewhere on eren, kisses feel more intimate and she struggles just a little bit with more intimate contact. juuust a bit.

as for favorite spot, tamamo loves to kiss eren on the lips but forehead kisses come a very close second! she’s a few inches taller so she has to take advantage of that. :’3

arene - what sort of promise ring or wedding ring would you pick out for your f/o? is there a specific reasoning behind your choice? 

i’m gonna be honest, i think she’d choose a ring that’s similar to the regalia ring from extella.

i spent Time trying to find a better reference but failed :(

even though tamamo is “starting a new life” as a servant to another master, i didn’t want to erase her former relationship with hakuno(n) just because it’s very evident in the games that her relationship with them is important!! and i think it’d have a sense of nostalgia for her and it’d be the one and only selfish thing she would ask of eren. whatever she does, she does to benefit her master but by getting a ring similar to the regalia, the only person this really benefits is herself because she’s the one with the bond to the ring.

i know it was basically symbolism for “marriage,” but as MUCH as i love tamamo, i don’t think i have the guts to marry her (and it’s the same for most of my faves 💦). so it’d be a promise ring, probably! like the omamori, it’s a little thing that’ll truly keep them together even when they can’t physically be next to each other.

[dcarhcarts]

regarding recent absences

And other such updates!

If you want the tl;dr, here it is: my mental health isn’t in the greatest place right now, and I figured I ought to explain why I must ask you for continued patience for the snail speed on this blog. I’m not announcing official hiatus, but just know that I...might continue to be pretty scarce, but I’m trying my best to be here and to be writing here. To hopefully get me more active here, I plan on dropping a few threads and cleaning out my dash re: people who follow me but aren’t writing with me. You’re more than welcome to keep following me if I unfollow you, and if you want to write with me and just haven’t gotten the chance and would like me to re-follow you, pls just go ahead and shoot me an im. I will be making a separate post about both those things, it’s just that I can’t deal with how fast my dash is moving at the moment.

If you care for the long version, under the cut so as to not bother everyone else!!! Be warned that it’s uh...it’s l o n g. TW for depression and anxiety and the general things my brain does to me lolol. 

Wow I haven’t used the post title function in a l o n g time. Anyway, hi, it’s me, Ro, your friendly neighborhood mun of a 20+ muse mumu. Don’t let the kind-of-serious format scare you - nothing bad is happening. I just have a few things that I felt the need to address that have been happening either in my life or just in my screwed up brain :D Buckle in and get ready for the ride, I guess?

Starting with something y’all already know about - I’ve not been here a lot recently. I joke about that a lot, but really, if you catch the pattern, my activity here is: exclusively after 10 pm, 2 drafts at most a day, inbox straight up clogged from like a month ago. IMS basically desolate, because I haven’t worked up the courage to pick them back up since I last forgot about them in the endless stream of things I had to do about a month ago! (that being said, uh, if you want to talk to me your best bet is probably through discord. Ro#6782 - pls, mutuals only, and tell me who you are!)  

And - because I h a t e being that mun that reblogs memes and asks for for them and then never answers their askbox / puts out starter calls when she has 10000 drafts / puts out plotting calls when she has unanswered ims, (no problem at all when other people do this but somehow when it’s m e I’m like “no you’re a terrible person”???? hmmm), I’ve also been avoiding t h o s e. If you’re new and you followed me in the last month, I’ve been putting out n o t h i n g that indicates a willingness to interact with new/more people, while the opposite is true. I’m always willing to interact - if I follow back, I want to write with you, only, well, aforementioned issue aside, I also have m o r e problems.

Namely, IRL and the fucked up thing called my brain. 

As most of you know, I got a job ~end of may or early juuuune~ and....well it’s pretty damn time consuming. I can’t have my phone during the course of my job - by the way, 4 hours - and so in those 4 hours (from 4 pm to 8 pm) I can basically get nothing done here. Then there’s also the fact that the time my shift is placed mentally and physically drains me a lot. Because it starts at 4, most of my morning is spent thinking “god I don’t wanna go to work” and because it ends at 8, most of my evening is spent trying very hard not to doze off. It also drains me a lot socially - I work at a call center, and all day I’m basically calling people who don’t want me to call them and are very irate even when they pick up, and uh, that already doesn’t do well for my anxiety haha. 

The other thing, of course - is my sort-of-seasonal depression. Winter tends to equate to anxiety for me, and summer tends to equate to depression. Again, I think I’ve joked about this a lot, but I apparently can only do drafts when I have 3 finals tomorrow and I haven’t studied for any of them. When it’s break, I get into a really weird slump - when i wake up in the morning, I don’t really want to wake up, and sometimes just stare at the wall for like, an hour. Nothing that I enjoyed during the other months, I seem to enjoy doing now. There’s too much time and too little time. It’s like i spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing meaningful but I can’t break myself out of the cycle so I keep doing that, rinse and repeat day after day, and sometimes my definition of spending time is just lying down in bed again and doing nothing for an hour randomly in the middle of the day. I feel guilty for wasting time as much as I am clueless as to how to fill it in a fulfilling way. “But Ro, you could do drafts!” A Concerned Person May Say. “You like writing!” Well, Kind Person, on some of these days, absolutely n o t h i n g Sparks Joy. 

“But Ro, I follow you on your other blog too!” The Concerned Person might continue.“You’re kind of active there, aren’t you?” And the answer, Kind Person who supported my career even if that blog is mostly obscure af fandoms - is yes.  I am kind of active on my other blog, @storyblcd. This brings us to the third and final reason why I’m.....moving at snail’s speed here, and that, my good friend - is anxiety. Well, mixed with a certain amount of mental exhaustion, of course. Note: this is n o t anyone’s fault. People’s interactions with me have not been negative - and they are not responsible for how my brain chooses to reaact to it. 

I’ve not lost muse for the muses on this blog, per se - but I’m getting burned out really fast writing them, for multiple reasons. First, muse imbalance. Now I know, I definitely k n o w - that sometimes people like one muse more than another, or have more interest in writing with one or the other, and I get that. I’ve said multiple multiple times that that is p e r f e c t l y fine. But honestly the reason I’ve lasted so long on a multimuse is because I can pick which muse I have muse for when, and I can respond accordingly / ask for interactions accordingly. But when I get so many people coming at me at once for the o n e muse when I have t w e n t y it sometimes gets a little? Discouraging? It makes me question whether or not only that one muse is popular for a reason. It also exhausts me re: the portrayal of that muse, because I”m putting out so many replies for that muse in a lot of sort of similar plots/scenarios that I just get burnt right out. And then I get scared that if I keep going I’ll want to drop the muse, so I’m staying away from those threads a little bit.

Second, I’m at a point in my portrayal of certain muses where I feel like there’s a certain expectation for how it’s going to be. My personal feelings aside, I think every mun expects their own portrayal to be different and unique and exciting - and it’s not different for me, only now I feel like the expectation and the pressure of coming up with something good and meaningful outweighs the feeling of exploration as I’m “discovering” the muse. Like most writers - I still crave validation, though more and more lately, I’m at a place in my writing where I f e e l like me from 2 months ago could have probably done a better job. While it’s not necessarily true, and these pressures are coming from m e and not any outside source, I f e e l like I have to consistently Make Good Writing, and simultaneously feel like some days I sit down and I try to do drafts and all I write is garbage. It just - doesn’t feel the same? So - more and more, I’m staring at the empty drafts page and then closing it - because if I don’t w r i t e I don’t have to admit I peaked two months ago.  

Both of these reasons have made me rather a bit avoidant of my muses here / this blog. Now, I’ve been struggling with anxiety for long enough that I know that a lot of this is - well, p r o b a b l y just my brain lying to me. See even as I’m writing this post now, my anxiety is saying “haha guess what n o one cares you’ve been gone” and my rational Anxiety-is-a-stupid-asshole voice is saying “nahhhhhh your brain is probably just lying to you.” But! In the battle, anxiety is kind of pummeling me now. I will r i s e again and win the war, most likely - but for now it’s anxiety: 1 and ro: 0.

AND finally - if you made it all the way down here, you’re a c h a m p. The solution! Well, as much of a solution as I’m hoping to get anyway - we’ll have to see if it implements well. I’m going to unfollow a few blogs so I can get my dash cleaner/more organized/less fast-moving and b r e a t h e. I’m going to drop a couple of threads, I might make a couple more muses request only/exclusive only for the like 2 people that have threads with them, I might drop a couple muses (though I don’t think this will really happen, Idk tho). There will be separate posts on those things coming soon, this is just to notify y’all. Thank you for all of your patience, thank you for all the wonderful people who’ve allowed me to write with you, I love all of you!!!!

[katzuyas]

I’ve been tagged in so many things over the past couple of weeks that I honestly don’t even have much more bookmark space left in my browser RIP so I finally decided to do all of it at once, hence the title and the rest of this longass post under the cut

bc there’s a lot of the tag games down there and tagging a million people would be annoying, I’m gonna tag 10 of you to grab a dice and roll it to figure out which meme you’re tagged for ^u^)b if you roll the same number twice, count that meme as the start from which to count and roll again! I hope you like this idea, but it’s only a suggestion so feel free to do whatever you want tbh?

@sweet-vitya, @gabzjones, @and-then-yoi-happened, @etherealalchemist, @joeys-piano, @quadruplyyours, @yuliaplisetskaya, @dreaming-fireflies, @teekettle, @iwritebetterthanispeak, @chessala

enjoy, if you want! 💕💕

tagged by @endlesscloudsoftime, thank you for the tag!!

rules: answer 20 questions, then tag 20 bloggers that you want to get to know better.

1. Name: kat

2. Nicknames: same tbh

3. Height: 170cm

4. Orientation: who knows who cares (it’s pan)

5. Nationality: polish

6. Favorite fruit: mango, cherries, I love watermelon too but the seeds piss me off too much to fully enjoy it

7. Favorite season: anything that doesn’t make me sweat off my skin but isn’t also freezing my toes is more than fine with me ^u^)b

8. Favorite plant: I don’t think I have any favs here

9. Favorite scent: I have this yankee candle ‘sweet candies’ and I can just DIE wrapped in that scent holy sheet (when it comes to perfume tho I’m a sucker for the original chloe, but I also love calvin klein’s euphoria bc it’s just Fresh)

10. Favorite color: any pastel really

11. Favorite animal: MY SWEET PUPPER HINA (so yes, dogs)

12. Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: coffee sometimes, TEA AND GREEN TEA AND VANILLA CHAI!!!!!!, hot chocolate is a nope

13. Average sleep hours: I always try for 8h bc otherwise I’m a zombie, but it doesn’t always work out so... I’m a part-time zombie anyway lmao

14. Dog or cat person: ISN’T THE PIC PROOF ENOUGH THAT I LOVE MY FURRY DOGGO SON

15. Favorite fictional character: victor nikiforov. that’s it. that’s all. we can all go home now

16. Number of blankets you sleep with: 1 + a duvet bc I like being cosy

17. Dream trip: japan, always. but another one would be a trip to the harry potter universal store or the noble collection store I guess

18. Blog created: who even remembers this pffff (somewhen in august 2011 I think)

19. Number of followers: I’m just gonna say it’s a four number figure ;3c

20. Random fact: I’m currently rewatching lord of the rings and procrastinating writing so YES I’M A NERD AND A BAD PERSON AHAHA //sweats

tagged by @story-kat -- thanks love, I actually really like these so it was great fun to do 💕

Rules: using only song titles from one artist/band, cleverly answer the questions and then tag people

artist/band: one ok rock

what is your gender: stuck in the middle

how do you feel: jaded

if you could go anywhere: start again

favorite mode of transportation: mighty long fall

your best friend: wherever you are

favorite time of day: taking off

if your life was a tv show: liar

relationship status: hard to love

your fear: bombs away

tagged by @endlesscloudsoftime, thanks again!! ahaha I feel like I’ll be saying this a lot today, but you spoil me /)u(\

Rules: tag 9 people you want to know better or just because you feel like it.

Relationship status: taken ;3c

Favorite color: any pastels, really

Last song I listened to: still the lord of the rings ost

Last movie I watched: lord of the rings lol two towers ^u^)b

Top 3 tv shows: game of thrones (bc I love my fantasy shit), rein (bc I love my history shit), and american housewife (bc I love laughing and this show is Hilarious with the capital H)

Top 3 characters: victor nikiforov bc I adore him, hinata shouyou bc he’s my sunshine son and I gotta mention miyuki kazuya bc his smirks still keep me awake at night 😍😍😍

What I’m currently reading: honestly? my own writes bc I have no time for anything other than editing orz

tagged by @themayflynans and @endlesscloudsoftime, thank you both!! 💕

A - Age: 26

B - Birthplace: poland

C - Current time: 11:50am

D - Drink you last had: just some coke

E - Easiest person to talk to: nowadays it’s gotta be @saniika and @and-then-yoi-happened bc I know I can be as salty and upset as I feel when I talk to them and that it’s alright to just let it all out which is something I wish for everyone to have 💕

F - Favourite song: don’t have one tbh

G - Grossest memory: back in elementary school my class was in warsaw to see the big zoo there and one of the chimpanzees just projectile shat all over our teacher and it was simultaneously the most awesome and the fucking WORST bc she smelled like shit the whole trip back home ugh

H - Horror yes or horror no: depends on what kind of horror but generally? meh

I - In love?: no idea tbh but definitely comfortable in my relationship

J - Jealous of people?: you’ve no idea. jelly and bitter.

L - Love at first sight or should i walk by again?: walk by and actually tell me you’re interested bc I’m a blind pan who is easily confused

M - Middle name: magdalena ;3c

N - Number of siblings: 0

O - One wish: Been keeping Salty’s answers here - yes, to learn to love myself.

P - Person you called last: my mom lol she’s the only one I call, really

Q - Question you are always asked: "so when will you start looking for a job?”

R - Reason to smile: VICTUURI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S - Song you sang last: oh man I don’t even remember, I don’t really sing out loud

T - Time you woke up: these days? 6:30am

U - Underwear colour: sea green-blue, turquoise?

V - Vacation destination: I’m going to japan next year to see ice adolescence even if it kills me

W - Worst habit: biting the inside of my cheeks bloody

X - X-rays: my hand when I had a small accident playing badminton, my jaw for my braces

Y - Your favourite food: PIZZA HELLO

Z - Zodiac sign: gemini ;3c

tagged by @theexitgarden and @endlesscloudsoftime, bless you both and thank you for thinking of the old me 💕 

1st RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better:

we’ll be skipping this one bc of reasons //sweats

2nd RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo -I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory- I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority- I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite bands concert

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling- I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smartphone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages - I have made a new friend in the past year

tagged by @story-kat and @endlesscloudsoftime (astea m’dude ur tagging me in everything and I love you for it)

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SONG(S) TO SING?

I will most often hum or mouth lyrics when I’m writing and my brain gets distracted so it usually is some sort of acoustic cover of a rather popular song, like despacito? lol WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE FLOWER/TREE/PLANT?

I don’t have one tbh FAVOURITE COLOURS?

anything pastel!! WHAT DO YOU ALWAYS DOODLE?

I don’t anymore but it used to be some random squigglies??

HOW DO YOU TAKE YOUR COFFEE/TEA?

2.5 teaspoon of sugar into both + 1/4 milk/cream into the coffee and 1/4 cold water into the tea FAVOURITE CANDLE SCENT?

SWEET CANDIES FROM YANKEE CANDLE. BURY ME IN THIS. SUNRISE OR SUNSET?

sunrise bc I don’t even see sunsets anymore (I’m asleep then lol) WHAT PERFUME DO YOU WEAR?

the original chloe is what I like most but I would die for dior’s j’adore, it’s so nice 😍😍😍 in the summer I’m wearing masaki’s fluo tho bc it’s sweet and summery

WHAT’S YOUR GO-TO DANCE MOVE WHEN YOU’RE ALONE?

butt wiggling? maybe? idk man I never really thought about it? lol FAVOURITE QUOTE?

“Because people don’t have wings, we look for other ways to fly.” -- somehow this one always sticks with me bc it’s so beautiful and vivid that you’d never say it’s from a japanese cartoon lmao

FAVOURITE SELF CARE ROUTINE(S)?

sleeping, kicking back and watching some dumb movie that won’t make me think of anything but how dumb it is

FUZZY SOCKS OR HOUSE SLIPPERS?

both? I like fuzzy socks in winter but in summer I go barefoot but sometimes u gotta have something between your skin and the floor so = slippers WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR EYES?

brown

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE EYE COLOUR ON OTHERS?

I don’t honestly care but blue eyes when they’re very light creep me out somehow FAVOURITE SEASON? WHY?

don’t have one but as long as it’s not too hot or too cold I’m good NECK, CHEEK, OR NOSE KISSES?

depends on what you want to achieve? neck kisses will have me melting, cheek kisses smile and nose kisses giggle and possibly blush so YEA THERE’S THAT

WHAT DOES YOUR HAPPY PLACE LOOK LIKE?

it’s my room. that’s it. this is my happy place

FAVOURITE BREED OF DOG?

ANY DOGGO IS A GOOD DOGGO AS LONG AS IT’S NOT THOSE SMOL ONES WHO BITE UR ANKLES FOR NO REASON DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE MARRIED?

idk, I mean yes I’d like to be married one day but I’m not really in any hurry to get there? CURSIVE OR PRINT?

I don’t honestly care

FAVOURITE WEATHER?

cloudy but not too cold

tagged by @story-kat, thanks for the tag babe!!

Rules: bold what you prefer and tag 10 people.

coffee or tea

early bird or night owl

chocolate or vanilla

spring or fall

silver or gold (BOTH! BOTH IS GOOD)

pop or alternative

freckles or dimples

snakes or sharks

mountains or fields

thunderstorm or lightning

Egyptian or Greek mythology

ivory or scarlet

flute or lyre

eyes or lips

witch or fairy

opal or diamond

butterflies or honeybees

macaroons or eclairs

typewritten or handwritten letters

secret garden or secret library

rooftop or balcony

spicy or mild

opera or ballet

London or Paris

Vincent van Gogh or Claude Monet

denim or leather

potions or spells

ocean or desert

mermaid or siren

masquerade ball or cocktail party

tagged by @endlesscloudsoftime, thanks for this omg I actually wanted to do this one!! 💕💕

THE AO3 TAG GAME:

WHAT IS YOUR TOTAL WORD COUNT ON AO3?

869 938! holy sheet I’m so close to 1mil???? wowowow o.O

HOW OFTEN DO YOU WRITE?

I try to write every day, but these days (with renovations going on and my sleeping schedule all fucked up) it’s really hard to find the time and focus to do it orz

DO YOU HAVE A ROUTINE FOR WRITING?

I actually do! or I did when I was still regularly writing lol it was something like this: cracking open an energy drink, lighting up my fav scented candle, booting up itunes and my writing playlist and generally just spending 5-6h just writing 💕  

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE KINKS/TROPES/PAIRING?

kinks: pet play, public or semi-public play, voyeurism, doggy style, also actually BOTTOM VITYA,      

tropes: reverse au, time travel, famous aus,

pairing: victuuri. no seconds. we die like man and only stan one (1) gay ship

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE FIC OF YOURS?

I don’t necessarily have an absolute fav but a fic that I still remember fondly and am beyond sad that got little to no attention is: if there’s a will, there’s a way bc I worked my ass off for it and I love every bit of it so? give it a read if you want to?

YOUR FIC WITH THE MOST KUDOS?

dazzle me with gold which will be getting an update this weekend ;3c

ANYTHING YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOUR WRITING?

recently? everything. I’m just broken and idk how to fix it bc I can’t even find a good moment to try so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

NOW SOMETHING YOU DO LIKE (ABOUT YOUR WRITING)?

how sweet and soft everything is when I’m in a good mood bc victuuri deserves this kind of love and I’m so happy writing it for them 🙏🙏🙏

tagged by @amaanogawa, thanks so much ems!!!

1) How many works in progress to do you currently have in progress?

one actual wip and like... 5 more that just sit and wait their turn? //sweats

2) Do you/would you write fan fiction?

rip that’s all I write too... tbh I used to write original fiction before but I find myself much less constricted by fanfic? I can explore the characters here more than I can in original fiction where worldbuilding takes most effort

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

oh definitely paper! if I could I’d buy printed out fanfic too!

4) When did you start writing?

I was about 12 I think? it all started with harry potter, like everything else has, and I regret not a second of it!

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

sometimes when i get very excited about what i’m writing i’ll tell my fandom friends about the specific AU that i’m writing about but in terms of reading the full length fic, i don’t have anyone that i let read before anyone else. it’ll be on ao3 for everyone at the same time.

6) Where is your favourite place to write?

my desk, my pc. I can write on my phone but I like to edit as I go and it’s hard to do on the phone.

7) Favourite childhood book?

do I even need to say it? harry potter

8) Writing for fun or writing for publication?

for fun, but with the aim of possible future publication maybe?

9) Pen and paper or computer?

always computer. i have only recently begun writing fics on my phone because i’ve been traveling a lot and i don’t always have my laptop on my person, but it’s still much more comfortable to sit down and type on a proper keyboard.

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

at my uni, yes. and it completely sucked bc they didn’t teach anything, just had us write random shit for 3 years so eh

11) What inspires you to write?

everything? like, any random thing or thought I’m instantly trying to weave into my writing, turn it into a prompt. every new experience is just a basis for me to write on.

but if you’re asking WHY I write: I don’t even know, I’ve never thought about it? it’s kind of like asking why I breathe ahaha I just do? it’s a part of me? idk man idk

tagged by @themayflynans, thanks for this love!!

7/7/7 tag

The rules are as follows: Go to page 7 of your WIP, go to the seventh line, share seven sentences, and tag 7 more writer-bloggers to continue the challenge.

oh wow ok this is a difficult one bc I don’t think I even have a wip 7 pages long //sweats let me see... aha, okay, I found one! from back in march when I asked people to send me over some numbers for one of those writing memes and @theexitgarden I believe (??) sent me the prompt “I don’t think anyone could be as lovely as you” for victuuri and I kind of got a blind!victor au from it?? wELP here’s the fragment of it:

His music is vibrant in a way that he couldn't play on his piano alone and the clap of the blades that he can hear from the speakers of his TV makes him only more certain – this boy, Yuuri Katsuki, is skating to the sound of Victor's soul as if it's his own.

He never notices the tears that well up in his eyes until they roll down his cheeks and Makkachin presses against his side, whimpering in concern. Victor runs a trembling hand through her soft fur and takes a deep breath. And then, he decides.

"Yasha," he says when his former coach, his father in all but blood picks up Victor’s call. "I want to do this."

And he does it.

tagged by @endlesscloudsoftime again, boy you spoil me ahaha

1. Which fictional character would be the most boring to meet in real life?

I have no idea tbh bc even the characters I don’t like wouldn’t be exactly boring, so??? I honestly don’t know

2. What problem or situation did TV / movies make you think would be common, but when you grew up you found out it wasn’t? (i’m lowkey taking a jab at hsm because thanks Disney for making me think high school would be awesome)

hooking up with people ALL THE TIME when you’re in your 20s bc wtf what a bold-faced lie omg

3. What would be on the gag reel of your life?

"how many times can kat click her tongue at random strangers who piss her off by breathing the same air?” and a manip of all the eyerolls I do bc let me tell you... THERE’S A LOT

4. What does “infinite” mean to you?

my love for victor nikiforov

5. If your life was a movie, what songs would be on the soundtrack?

definitely lots of acoustic vibes and harry potter tunes and I can bet your ass that I’d have the yeah yeah yeah ost from yoi bc it’s such a banger and I LOVE IT but also dramatic classical violin and piano bc they pull on my heart and I am weak

6. What item would be your top choice to make into a horcrux?

honestly? my phone probably. I don’t necessarily have other things close to me that I’d use with enough heart to be of any significance to me

7. Who would play you in a movie about your life?

??? no idea lol I’d love for it to be katherine mcnamara bc 1) we share names, 2) her red hair is gorgeous and I’m a redhead, 3) SHE is gorgeous and I’d love to be portrayed by someone that hot 😍😍😍

8. Most relatable scene from any book/movie/anime/etc.?

yuuri’s little gasp when he first saw victor skating bc HARD SAME MY SWEET SON HARD SAME

9. If you were shrunk down and somehow got stuck in a blender, how would you get out?

I’d jump from side to side of it to try and rock it a bit and see if I can flip it over and get out that way? idk man what is this question lol

10. Would you count manga as a piece of literature? Why or why not?

ofc I would? honestly, some manga have even better storylines than written fiction why WOULDN’T it be counted as a piece of literature

11. compliment yourself. (joey, you’re just to freaking good to at making up questions).

oh man... //sweats umm??? good job me on not breaking down yet bc the renovations keep being awful and you’re handling it well?? maybe lol

tagged by @theexitgarden, thanks love, once more!

RULES: Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better.

Three Fandoms:

Yuri!!! on Ice

Ace of Diamond

Haikyuu!!

The First Character You Loved:

victor. he’s voiced by suwajun, do I really need to say more?

miyuki!! gosh I do love my asshole sons snarky and mean

hinata bc he’s a ray of sunshine and I even named my doggo after him 💕

The Character You Never Expected To Love So Much:

I gotta copy you garden bc chris took me by surprise too! my love for him started from that little sad look he gave us in the kiss and cry and it blossomed beautifully over time ahhh

sanada omg?? he is literally baseball kuroo so I was not expecting it but I fully embraced it lmao

iwaizumi bc I’m not one to like the mothering types but he’s??? actually so kind and sweet under all that harsh Manly facade it’s so cute

The Character You Relate To The Most:

victor, I’d say, or so I like to think

honestly? miyuki. just look at my url lol

oikawa, probably...

The Character You’d Slap:

I wouldn’t actually, but yurio deserves a good kick on the butt

um??? kataoka? bc TF U MEAN U DON’T KNOW WHO THE ACE SHOULD BE WE KNEW IT FROM THE FIRST CHAPTER YOU DUMBASS

early tsukki bc he’s could use it tbqh

Three Favorite Characters (in order of preference):

victor, yuuri, chris

miyuki, eijun, mei

hinata, kuroo, oikawa

A Character You Liked At First, But Don’t Anymore:

no one like that in yoi tbh, my love is only growing

kataoka lol

umm???? idk

A Character You Didn’t Like At First But Do Now:

seung-gil, I’d say. he grew on me lol

raichi, I guess??

to say tsukki, I’d have to actually like him now but it’s more difficult than that bc I didn’t like him at first but now can tolerate him so?? does it count?

Three OTPs:

victuuri, phichimetti, and the third would be very problematic bc I honestly don’t ship anything else in yoi?

miyusawa, chrisawa, sanasawa

KUROHINA YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, oihina, bokuhina

tagged by @sleep-furiously, thanks for the tag, love!!

post five facts about myself ❤

I have a sweet doggo who is the light of my life 💕

I write good shit sometimes

I believe I have good taste

I’m a snark machine when certain buttons are pressed

patience levels run at 0%

wow ok this was A LOT to go through and it took me like 3h to do this holy sheet but at least I had fun and now I have my firefox bookmark free so that’s awesome ahhh!! thanks so much again to everyone for the tags, you guys are amazing and I’m lucky to have you 💕💕💕💕

[cxlvins]

...000. INTRODUCTION.

helloooo lovelies ! my name is evan (he/him), i’m twenty-two and from the gmt timezone ! i’m super excited for this to open because i’ve got so much muse right now. i’m down for any and all plots, seriously, i love plotting ! this is calvin, he’s an angry mess of a character, but he’s fun to play, so ! if you just wanna get to know the character, you can skip past the other sections and just focus on personality, i’ve also put some wanted connections in there too ! if you would like to plot, then either shoot me a message here or on discord (heterosexual? how vintage!#8600) or alternatively, like this post and i will message you !

caution: alcohol, drugs, mental health, death.

›› ✱ xavier serrano, cismale, he/him. you’ve met calvin marx, right? they’re around twenty-three and a twitch streamer. they’re all about thrift store clothing and the faint smell of cologne and cigarettes, hence why they’re known as the spitfire around town. everyone knows them to be pretty gregarious but i’ve heard they’re actually sort of volatile, too… don’t tell them i said that, okay?

...001. BRIEF HISTORY.

calvin grew up very underprivileged for the first 11 years of his life in brooklyn, ny.

his father died when he was 5 years old to a drug overdose, leading his mother became a single mother to him and his younger sister, essentially meaning that calvin had to grow up and be the ‘man of the house’ without having a choice.

because of her new single-mother status, calvins mother had to work 3 different jobs in order for the family to pay rent (a cleaner in mornings, a store assistant in the day and a bartender in the evenings), which meant she was rarely home and left calvin to raise both himself and younger sister.

from a very early age, it was apparent that calvin suffered from anger issues, dyslexia and adhd, constantly getting into fights at every opportunity, his complete inability to focus and never managing to make it through a week at school without a phone call home.

these issues remained untreated, due to his mother putting it down to the ‘boys will be boys’ ideology, and concluding that calvin was just an energetic one at that.

because of this, calvin fell into the wrong crowd pretty quickly and settled into his mindset that he was never going to achieve all that much anyway, because no matter how hard he tried, he could never score well on any test at school.

at the age of 9, calvins mother met, fell in love with and soon married a former client for whom she cleaned for.  calvins new step father was incredibly wealthy, due to being a successful franchisee and also being very largely into stock trading.

calvin, his sister and mother were all moved to his home in cherrybrooks, which calvin struggled to adjust to, as he missed his friends back north.

now having access to as much money as he want led him down an early path into experimenting with drugs and alcohol, which soon became a bad habit.

although he wanted to drop out of school, his new step-father would not allow it, which became a large source of conflict for the family over the course of the next few years.

failing to graduate high school at age eighteen, calvin couldn’t deal with living with his family any more and left the house to move into a small apartment, 30 minutes away, with a roommate (possibly a member of the clique).

calvins only real passions were for gaming and sport, and as he smoked and did way too many drugs to make it in any sporting profession, he turned his attention to twitch streaming. he began this pretty soon and built up a solid fanbase (which he wanted to call the marxists, but in calvins words, apparently some dead man already claimed that title).

...002. PERSONALITY.

calvin is a naturally angry person who can lose his cool and go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds, he rarely gives off signs that he is getting angry until he boils over, so people tend to watch what they say around him.

calvin is self-serving, his feelings will always come before those around him. although he is getting better at managing this, if something will result in calvin gaining something at the expense of somebody else, he will most likely go ahead with it.

calvin is not well educated, so he doesn’t tend to enjoy arguing with words, as he can never seem to find the ones to correctly express how he feels. instead, calvin is much more likely to act physically when something has irritated him (whether this be on a person or inanimate object).

calvin is an awful liar, he cannot lie to save his life as his face always tends to show when he doesn’t agree with an idea/opion/thought that somebody says. because of this, he is very outspoken, and will just say what he’s thinking regardless of if it’s going to hurt somebodies feelings. he’d rather upset them with the truth, than get caught out for lying.

calvin is an extrovert and gains energy from being around people - the more people the better, because of this, he has become a major party animal and loves attending any and all parties that is going on, despite if he’s fond of the hosts or not.

calvin is a heavy user of drugs, alcohol & cigarettes. this is primarily down to his naturally addictive personality and constant need to feel like he’s happy, so that he doesn’t get sad again. there will rarely be a day where he will not  be intoxicated in some way and he will have a cigarette at least once an hour – and that’s on a good day.

calvin is very much into sports. although not a natural athlete, nor somebody interested in playing sports competitively, calvin loves watching any and all sports, and he likes to play them when he can. due to his smoking habit, he can’t play sports for too long, but will always give it a good go.

similarly to this, calvin is very much into gaming. calvin loves fast-paced games, because they manage to keep his attention despite him not having a very long attention span. most games that he plays are first person shooters, and he’s usually the guy on the mic screaming when a teammate fucks up during online play. a big appeal to him was that games were the only thing he could focus his mind on as a child.

calvin is very much a boys boy, he genuinely abides by the bible of ‘ bros before hoes ‘ because he’s stupid.

calvin hates movies but loves tv, he finds that watching moves involves sitting still for too long, but tv allows him to take more breaks and keeps his interest for longer. although. he’d probably trade both of them for a chance to leave the house.

...003. TRAITS.

[ G R E G A R I O U S ] (+) — a person fond of company; sociable.

[ I N T U I T I V E ] (+) — using or based on what one feels to be true even without conscious reasoning; instinctive.

[ F O R T H R I G H T ] (+) — direct and outspoken.

[ V O L A T I L E ] (-) — liable to change rapidly and unpredictably, especially for the worse.

[ V E N G E F U L ] (-) — not willing to forgive or excuse people’s faults or wrongdoings.

[ H E D O N I S T I C ] (-) — engaged in the pursuit of pleasure; sensually self-indulgent.

...004. WANTED CONNECTIONS.

CURRENT BEST FRIENDS — Possibly a boy squad? I live for a good boy squad. This person will have similar interests to Calvin, or be able to tolerate his volatile mood.

CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS — Someone with a similar upbringing from Brooklyn, most likely they grew apart when Calvin moved to Wilmington.

RIDE OR DIES — Although he primarily looks out for himself, I’m down to have Calvin have one person who he’s loyal to and will refuse to betray, we can come up with a fun reason for why he cares so much if you’re interested in this one.

HIS ROOMMATE — Somebody that moved with Calvin into his current apartment when he moved out at 18.

A GOOD INFLUENCE ON CALVIN — One of my favorite connections for Calvin to have is somebody who knows all of his flaws and attempts to help fix them. They’ll have to be patient, though, as Calvin doesn’t see himself for having any issues.

SOMEBODY HE IS A BAD INFLUENCE OF — On the opposite, I love when Calvin has somebody that he can introduce to bad things, corrupt easily and get a kick out of watching the commotion.

EXES ON BAD TERMS — Cheating on each other is usually an easy one to go with, but if you want, we can think of something more unique as to how it all fucked up and why they now hate each other.

EXES ON GOOD TERMS — Maybe they still occasionally fuck? There could still be an attraction there, but just no romantic chemistry. Alternatively, they tried it and both just couldn’t see it going anywhere.

EXES WITH LINGERING FEELINGS — There’s a ton of different reasons for why there’s still lingering feelings. The feelings could be one-sided or both ways.

EX FLINGS — Started as friends with benefits, one of them wanted more, the other didn’t, they decided to stop before someone got hurt.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS — No romantic intention, just a good way to kill time at 2 AM, or maybe it’s easy to know you have someone to go home to if you don’t find someone at a party.

FRIENDS FOR NECESSITY — This friend may not have that much in common with Calvin, they may not really get on in day to day life, but they are always there to get high, attend a party or do something dumb. an easy person to talk to when they’re both bored and wanna get out.

HIS YOUNGER SISTER — If anybody fancies a second character, I’m always down to have Calvins sister in the roleplay. They can either get along or not, we’ll just figure out the details.

EX FRIENDS — Used to be close but now aren’t, plenty of reasons as to why.

ENEMIES — Despise each other, seeing this person literally makes Calvins blood boil. Possibly sexual tension too if that would work, if not, they can just fight a lot.

WILL THEY / WON’T THEY — Lots of leading on and teasing each other, maybe they both think they’re stringing the other along but it turns out neither of them are interested? Maybe they start out not interested and it backfires later, by that time the other could’ve lost interest.

ANY OTHER IDEAS YOU THINK WILL WORK !

...005. ADDITIONAL INFORMATION.

Calvin is bisexual but heteroromantic, so any sexual-based connections can be taken by any gender.

Calvins Pinterest can be located here. Please note that it contains triggers for alcohol, drugs, blood & violence.

[studiobeebo]

my villlain oc YEET

h u l l o. i recently made a villain oc. she’s a thot and also The Worst however i’m sharing her info with you guys anyways. (also thanks @technicallyflamey for letting me use her OC template bc i am Too Unorganized to figure this all out on my own)

Basics (This is gonna be a long post, so I’ll give a quick description of her here first and then if you want to learn more in depth stuff, you can just scroll down!)

Name: Beatrix

Age: 20

Affiliation: League of Villains

Quirk: Ink Animation

After growing up in an unloving home, finding out she’s adopted, and then finding out that her actual parents were even more uncaring than her adopted ones despite being heroes, Beatrix was left wanting nothing more than to dismantle the idea that heroes were somehow these perfect beings. She’s got a very flashy personality and is quite the thottie diva to a point where ‘Bitch’ or ‘Whore’ is practically her middle name. Her quirk allows her to bring any drawing or writing to life and she uses her quirk on her many tattoos to fight. She joined the league because, honestly, she’s an attention seeker and at the moment, the league was getting quite famous and she wanted to get under that spotlight. While her whiny and bratty personality makes her very disliked by her new “boss”, she likes to think she gets along pretty well with the rest of the team and if asked, will confidently say she already plans on marrying Dabi despite his apparent lack of interest.

vvv In Depth Assessment vvv

General Information

Name: Beatrix   

Nicknames: Trix, Bea

   Alias: Witcher

Gender: Female

Age: 20

Birth date: June 12

Astrological sign: Gemini

Nationality: American

Affiliation: League of Villains

Appearance

Hair color: Naturally, her hair is a deepish brown, however she loves to change things up so it’s not strange to find her wearing different colored wigs that look surprisingly natural (her most recent favorite happens to be one with the same naturally wavy style of her actual hair, however it is a pastel blue and pink in color.)

Hair style: Generally, Beatrix puts her hair up into two buns, leaving her naturally wavy bangs framing her face. This is most practical for fighting, but if she isn’t particularly doing anything, she’ll have her hair down with two smaller buns on top or if she’s feeling extra lazy, she’ll just tie it up in a messy bun.

(If you’d want to see references for hairstyles/colors you can see em here)

Eye color: Steel grey

Eye shape: Sharp and upturned, a bit cat like.

Height: 5’3”

Weight: 137 LB

Build: Endomorph or pear. Basically, an hourglass like figure, however with thicker hips.

Complexion: Fairly pale with rose undertones

Cup size: B

Blood type: AB

Handedness: Right

Movement: It really depends on her mood. She’s a bit flamboyant so she speaks a lot with her body language.

Posture: Again, depends on how she’s feeling. IE, if she’s tired, she’ll be slouching more.

Voice: It can be pretty obnoxious, she complains a lot and has a catty, almost preppy tone to her voice, though judging by how dramatic she is, it wouldn’t be surprising if even her voice were fake..(think Juliette from Lollipop Chainsaw) 

Scars: Nothing significant, maybe a few scratches here or there. She may seem like a reckless fighter upon seeing her, but she tries very hard to make sure nothing flaws her “perfect” features.

Distinguishing features: She’s got quite a lot of tattoos, and while they may seem random, most of them serve a purpose. That being said, she has a mix between purely artistic things such as a small bundle of roses on the back of her left shoulder, but the others, such as the large snake on her right thigh or the wings on her back that spread over her arms, have a greater purpose.

(Tattoo references here)

Clothing

Uniform: Beatrix doesn’t really believe in “uniforms”. She thinks they’re boring and tacky, she wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the exact same outfit twice during missions.

Civilian clothes: Her civilian clothes also count as her mission clothes, but they are anything but appropriate for fighting. Bea is very fashion savvy and always wants to have the best, cutest clothes and she has a very risque style, often wearing things like leotards, crop tops, or anything that shows a lot of skin. To be honest, she’s an attention whore and she knows she’s got the looks, so she uses them. Think, ‘thottie with a body’, or that bitch who always wears fishnet stockings and as catty as she is, you can’t help but look because damn does she look good. Her favorite outfit, however, is any variation of the classic playboy bunny get up.

(Same with hairstyles, you can see examples here)

Characteristics

Strengths: Beatrix is a very cunning girl and she’s good at talking herself out of bad situations. She also is very sly and quick with her movements, so she makes for a surprisingly scary opponent.

Weaknesses: She’s definitely an attention seeker and a whiner, so her brattiness can make her very hard to work with.

Likes: Attention, sweets (specifically suckers or gum), flirting, eye candy, shopping, being able to do what she wants.

Dislikes: Being ignored, being stuck indoors for too long, people insulting her looks or style, rain, bossy people

Fears: She’s afraid of being left in the dust, unrecognized and unwanted.

Hobbies: Shopping, complaining, dressing up for literally no reason, singing (though she’ll never do this if she thinks people can hear her)

Skills: Conning people, flirting, short term fights

Quirks:  (Not actual quirk, but strange parts of the OC’s personality) She has a bit of an oral fixation, so she is always chewing gum, sucking on a sucker, or chewing on a toothpick.

Myers-Briggs Personality Type: ENTP - ENTPs are versatile, open-minded, and restless. Easily bored, they are constantly toying with new ideas and scanning for possibilities. Because of their insatiable thirst for novelty, their interests can seem limitless. As is true of the ENFP, ENTPs’ minds move at a frenetic pace, contributing to restlessness, anxiousness, and erratic sleeping patterns. Not only are they constantly scanning for new possibilities, but also generating new ideas and associations. Moreover, ENTPs enjoy sharing and exchanging their ideas with others. Considering how their minds are drawn in so many different directions, it is no wonder that ENTPs can seem restless, scattered, distractible, and, rightly or not, are commonly diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.

Health

Physical health: She’s very fit, she gets antsy easily so she’s solved that by going for walks or runs often.

Mental health: She’s a villain, so...slightly cracked, but she isn’t completely insane or anything.

Nutrition: Actually not that great, she eats a lot of garbage and the only reason she’s thin is because she only eats about once a day.

Sleep habits: Erratic. She’s always had trouble sleeping so it’s common to see her awake at ungodly hours of the morning browsing her phone or getting into trouble.

Quirk and Abilities

Quirk- Ink Animation

Explanation of Quirk: To put it simply, Beatrix is able to bring any type of ink to life, literally pulling it from whatever surface it’s from and controlling it to do whatever she needs. This, along with the fact that she had her rebellious stage quite early and never really left it, is the main reason she has many tattoos, as she can pull them from her skin and use them. Anything with a sharp edge or sharp line work can be used like a blade, her smokey tattoo could be used as a way to shield her presence, the snake could..well, attack people. Her wings, however, are her favorites as she can use them to fly, but she tries to only use them if she really has to. The reason behind this is, the bigger the tattoo, the less time she can use her quirk on it before it has to be returned to her skin.

Statistics:

   Power: ★★★☆☆ F

   Speed: ★★★★★ D

   Technique: ★★★★☆ C

   Intelligence: ★★★★☆ B

   Cooperativeness: ★★☆☆☆A

Extra:

Power: Technically, her quirk itself isn’t that powerful, but her strength lies in how it’s used.

Speed: Being a quick mover is just something she’s learned along the way to get a leg up on those who are physically stronger than she is.

Technique: Beatrix always has a plan for every fight she gets into and she’s very good at analyzing her opponent and their quirk.

Intelligence: She’s gotten very clever with how she uses her quirk, and she has to be pretty smart if she can make a plan to take down an enemy twice her size.

Cooperativeness: Beatrix is very picky and she doesn’t work terribly well with people she doesn’t like.

Character Analysis

Enneagram: 7 THE ENTHUSIAST The Busy, Fun-Loving Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Distractible, and Scattered

History

Ages 0-4: Beatrix was adopted from birth, however this was not something she found out about until she was older. Her toddler age was much like any other, though she was a bit more troublesome than your average young child.

Ages 5-11: At age 5, Beatrix discovered her quirk while drawing in her kindergarten class. After this, her bad temper and brattiness got much, much worse.

Ages 12-14: On top of her average brattiness, being a preteen only made her attitude worse. She had never gotten along with her parents and never really felt a connection with them. They, on the other hand, never made any connection with her either and just saw her as a project they had to keep and take care of until she was old enough to leave because they chose this life. There wasn’t much love or attention given from either side, they were only with one another because of family “love” being the social norm.

Ages 15-Present: At the age of 17, after a rather terrible argument with her parents, Beatrix discovered she was adopted due to her father screaming about how she wasn’t even really theirs, so they shouldn't have to deal with her ‘bullshit’. Despite not having much of a connection with her parents, this life long lie made her absolutely furious. She felt like the only reason she had grown up miserable and, well, a troublemaker was because she wasn’t with her real family.

Once Beatrix turned 18, she got all the information that she could from her parents about her birth family and seeked them out, but this turned out to be a mistake. She was hoping that, finally, she’d have that picture perfect family where she could fit in and be loved, but when she knocked on her parents door one morning and was met with a look of horror after explaining who she was, she knew something wasn’t right.

After being invited inside, both her ‘parents’ sat her down looking pale in the face before giving her an explanation: They gave her up because of their jobs as heroes. They never wanted a child and she was an accident, and since they were both pro heroes, they didn’t have the time for a child and since they didn’t even want one, she was given up. That was when Beatrix went cold, her dream of finally being a puzzle piece finding the puzzle it belonged to being crushed, but when she heard her father utter out the following words, she lost it.

“You..You should leave..We didn’t want you then, and I’m sorry, but we don’t want you now.”

Her actions felt like a blur, but before she knew it, her parents were on the ground littered with deep gashes all over their bodies as a few of her arrow tattoos returned to her arm. Her emotions were a wreck and she felt more lost than ever before, so instead, she told herself that not having a place in the world just meant she was free, so she began doing what any ‘free’ person would do: whatever she wanted. For a while, she didn’t kill anyone and stuck to petty crimes like theft, but this quickly bored her. The lack of love growing up had left her wanting all eyes on her all the time, so she began doing flashier crimes and dressing much more errotically, anything to get attention. She began to let loose even more, and when she saw how infamous this ‘League of Villains’ in Japan was getting, she knew she needed to get under that lovely spotlight, and when there was a call for new members, she was practically the first to pack her life up and move to Japan and start her new life as a member of the League.

Relationships

Canon Character- Tomura Shigaraki

  Status: Her “Boss”

  How well they get along: Horribly. She hates anyone who tries to limit her, he hates brats. Luckily, her want to be in the spotlight is strong enough that she takes orders from him, though not without a lot of complaints.

  What OC thinks of them: She thinks he’s an overly entitled child who needs to grow up. She’s always the first to make cracks at his temper tantrums.

  What they thinks of OC: He hates her and has been very close to killing her many times. She doesn’t listen and she ‘dresses like a hooker’, and in his eyes, she should be lucky he even let her on the team.

  What OC calls them: Crusty, Tomura, Cry Baby

  What they call OC: Whore, Brat, Witch

Canon Character- Toga Himiko

  Status: Teammates, Friends

  How well they get along: These too actually get along quite well. They’re both accustomed to fashion or cute things and they both tend to complain a lot, so they’re a good match.

  What OC thinks of them: She thinks she can be a bit annoying, but she loves her excitable spirit and almost sees her as a sister.

  What they thinks of OC: Toga loves Bea, she thinks her style and attitude is impressive. Bea is probably the one who made her a bit obsessive over attractive or interesting people, too.

  What OC calls them: Toga-chan, Bunny

  What they call OC: Bea, Trixy

Canon Character- Dabi

  Status: They tolerate each other, or rather, Bea loves him and he tolerates her

  How well they get along: It depends on who you ask. Ask Bea, she’ll say they’re a match made in heaven and that everyone should be expecting wedding invites very soon. Ask Dabi, he’ll say she’s annoying and self centered, but he stopped trying to deny how often he looks at her ass a while ago.

  What OC thinks of them: She likes him mostly because she thinks he’s attractive, but she also likes that he’s a bit mysterious. In her eyes, he’s a blank slate, so that leaves her plenty of information to learn about him so she sees him as entertainment and eye candy, her favorite combination.

  What they thinks of OC: Again, he thinks she’s a bit of a brat and way too self centered. She whines and complains a lot, but she often complains about the same things he does just in a much more annoying way, so he has to give her that. That, and she’s got an amazing figure and hates their leader. All in all, he thinks she’s obnoxious, but could be worse.

  What OC calls them: Love, Babe, Dabi Dearest, etc.

  What they call OC: Beatrix or Trix

Canon Character- Twice

  Status: Teammates, Friends

  How well they get along: Surprisingly well

  What OC thinks of them: She actually thinks Twice is adorably sweet. She sees him as a brother and him and Toga are part of the reason she actually feels..at home in the league, but she’d never say that cause mushy shit is for losers and heroes.

  What they thinks of OC: He’s practically in love with her, but he feels that way about every female that’s nice to him. He likes her fun, outgoing style and that she’s a bit of a rule breaker.

  What OC calls them: Twicey

  What they call OC: Bea

[nflweeklyuk]

NFL Week 2 Predictions

Ok so week 1 was pretty much the worst day I’ve had at this with at 50% (70% generally!).

I’ve added back Pick confidence to the predictions below which, as it says, shows my conviction in the pick. Anything 70% and above and I am pretty confident.

Washington 20 Giants 16

Spread: Washington -3

Pick confidence: 65%

Washington, without Fitzpatrick for the foreseeable future, only narrowly lost out to the Chargers on Sunday with Taylor Heinicke under center for a large part. The win came down to Justin Herbert who made 3 completions of more than 15 yards on 3rd down. Who has the confidence that Daniel Jones can do the same? I do not. The Washington defense lead by Chase Young, should do enough to make sure the offense can stumble through this one. If ever there was a quarterback to get after and generate turnovers then it is Jones. In 28 games he has put the ball on the ground 30 times, losing 18 of those, including one that effectively ended the Giants hopes last weekend. Not to mention 22 interceptions. This has the potential to get ugly. The Giants will view this as one of the more winnable games on their schedule, and if they don’t turn the ball over then they certainly have a chance. Barkley needs to get going yesterday to relieve the pressure on Jones and be the dual threat we know he can be. Coming of limited snaps in week 1 that might be a lot to ask this early in the season. I’m banking on a defensive TD from Washington in this one. Fantasy starts on a Thursday can be dicey but I would have confidence in the Washington D.

Steelers 26 Raiders 23

Spread: Steelers -6

Pick confidence: 60%

I was sooooo close to picking the Steelers last weekend. I wasn’t bought in to the overblown stories of their demise given they have a great defense, good skill position players and veteran Superbowl winning QB. That was all mostly on display last Sunday, although it did take the offense until the second half to warm up. The Steeler’s D did a number on Josh Allen and the much hyped Bills offense, we might just see how good that performance was when Allen and Co light up opposition in the coming weeks. It doesn’t bode well for a Raiders team that thrive on deep shots, and lots of them (19 targets in week 1!), to Darren Waller, the Steeler’s secondary, with Fitzpatrick over the middle, will not allow so many shots to land. For the Raiders to win this one the pass rush that showed plenty of life with Maxx Crosby will need to get pressure on Big Ben. On the flip side, Pittsburgh needs to get more out of the run game, it was their biggest failing last year and only racking up 75 yards on the ground in week 1 didn’t suggest a huge improvement. In the end I think the Steeler’s D is the difference making unit in this matchup. I’m not sure the offense is yet in the kind of form that will cover the spread here though.

Eagles 24 49ers 27

Spread: 49ers -3

Pick confidence: 60%

This is a hard matchup to predict. Surprisingly Jimmy G and the 9ers had the highest yards per pass attempt at 12.3 in week 1. The Eagles allowed the lowest yards per pass attempt at 4.7. The Eagles did give up 124 on the ground to an Atlanta team who does not rack up rushing yards as a habit. The 49ers however do love to run the ball and always find creative ways to do so, regardless of who is running the football. Eli Mitchell anyone? Yeah I picked him up on waivers, and of course Hasty is going to start, typical. The 9ers gave up a lot of yards to Detroit but that was a lot to do with running up a huge lead. Goff threw the ball 58 times! This was at a clip of 5.9 yards per attempt. If you have a team in desperation mode from before the half you are going to give up yards, and points, at the NFL level. The loss of Jason Verrett is a massive blow for this 49ers secondary and has impacted the above prediction to make a closer game. The ground game should be the strength of this Eagles team though and the 9ers will need to play better on the defensive line than they did a week ago. In match ups this close I tend to look at QBs and strengths/weaknesses. The 9ers look to be able to run on the Eagles, allowing them to execute their game plan. The Eagles will also have a run first game plan that should provide results in this game too, it then comes down to which passer is best placed to take advantage of the run game? I’m rooting for Hurts to become the unquestioned QB1 of this Eagles team for the foreseeable but with up and down tape from last year I have to go with the more seasoned QB until the consistent performances come. This game could go either way quite easily, if Hurts performs like he did last week then Eagles likely win this game given the injuries hitting the 9ers.

Browns 30 Texans 17

Spread: Browns -13

Pick confidence: 95%

The Texans may have been the biggest surprise package of week 1, perhaps not because they beat the Jags but by the fact they did so putting up points on offense and creating turnovers on defense. I wouldn’t get carried away thinking the Texans are going to be a season long surprise package, most teams are not the Jags. We will see exactly how bad the Jags are in the coming weeks. This Browns team is on the opposite end of the spectrum to the Jags, they gave the Superbowl favourites all they could handle without taking the win in week 1. I think the Texans come back down to earth this week, they have an offense that’s ceiling is as high as Tyrod Taylor’s talent can go and a defense that is likely mediocre at best. The likelihood is this squad will struggle to win 5 games, at a stretch. The Browns have far too much talent in this matchup, on both sides of the ball so not one to overthink. The Texans still gave up 319 yards and 3 TDs to a rookie so you would expect Baker Mayfield to take advantage of this defense, especially after a heavy dose of Chubb and Hunt.

Jaguars 13 Broncos 24

Spread: Broncos -5.5

Pick confidence: 60%

The Jags really staked their claim early for the worst record in football. The defense let Tyrod Taylor go off for 291 passing yards, his best near full season as starter saw him average 217 per game. The Jags also gave up 160 on the ground to a group of running backs, albeit with talent, but who have bounced from team to team and could at this point be considered journeymen. This is not a good look, nor is 4 turnovers on offense. This is the kind of outing that rings 0-17 alarm bells. The Jags have to protect the ball to give their defense a fighting chance, running the ball effectively has never been more important for this team. The Broncos only gave 60 on the ground to the Giants in week 1 so will not be the easiest unit to get the ground game going against. If the Jags have to rely on Trevor Lawrence to win games this early in the season it will inevitably end with an L. The Broncos were efficient under Teddy Bridgewater on offense and I expect similar this week, even against a bad Jags defense I don’t expect the Broncos to light it up. I do expect them to methodically pick apart this unit and consistently put points up on the board. Look for Courtland Sutton to pick up the targets vacated by Jeudy’s absence as he works back from injury. Again, one not to overthink until the Jags show us a reason to consider otherwise

Panthers 20 Saints 28

Spread: Saints -3.5

Pick confidence: 80%

The Saints managed to do something that Jameis Winston has not seen in his years as a starter, a team that can pound the rock. Not necessarily in the conventional, Derrick Henry sense though. The Saints racked up 171 yards on the ground, putting Winston in the position to pick apart a Packers defense that was forced to consider him the number two threat. This type of attack will nullify the strength of the Panthers D. As impressive as the win was the Saints came out of it seriously beat up, especially on defense. The loss of star cornerback Marshon Lattimore and edge rusher Marcus Davenport will take some teeth out of this unit. For this week at least I think the Saints can survive those losses against the Panthers, while Christian McCaffrey will no doubt keep the Panthers chains moving I am not convinced Darnold is yet the one to cap drives with scores regularly enough to outpace this Saints offense. The Saints were clinical offensively against the Packers but the Panthers were not against the Jets. I know which one is more impressive. I like the spread here, although the defensive losses for the Saints make me slightly more nervous. Kamara and McCaffrey going head to head should be great.

Colts 17 Rams 27

Spread: Rams -3.5

Pick confidence: 85%

I actually do not see this game being as close as my prediction suggests, and yes it is not that close anyway. Give the Colts some 4th quarter points to make this score more respectable while the Rams take their foot of the gas. I am VERY high on this Rams team since the acquisition of Matthew Stafford, see my division previews for the season. Nothing that happened in week 1 did anything to shake that confidence. Stafford easily put up 321 yards passing and 3 TDs in a game that was not close in the second half. This week he faces a Colts secondary that just allowed 4 TDs and 11 yards per attempt to Russel Wilson and the Seahawks. Throw in 140 yards on the ground and you can only see the Rams replicating that kind of production against this Colts D. On the other side of the ball, a questionable Colts O-line will have it’s hands full with this Rams front lead by Aaron Donald. His quiet week 1 stats sheet does not tell the story of the tape, he was a force as always. Wentz was surprisingly spry in last weeks opener, he may need to be in this one if the Colts are going to make this competitive. I don’t know that the Colts have the weapons on the outside to threaten Ramsey and co in this matchup. Yes Zach Pascal hauled in 2 TDs but this Rams outfit is not the Seahawks. It would not surprise me if this is the game we see flashbacks of bad Carson Wentz, likely he will need to force plays to stay in the game, or hold the ball too long, either way turnovers likely follow. The spread in this one is one I am taking ALL day long.

Dolphins 20 Bills 23

Spread: Bills -3.5

Pick confidence: 70%

As a Dolphins fan I am still surprised when we win games at the moment. The team has plenty of talent on both sides of the ball with a ball-hawking defense led by Xavien Howard and a set of skill position players in Waddle, Parker, Gesicki and Gaskin that should cause plenty of problems to opposing defenses. That really leaves just quarterback as the reason for my surprise, I don’t feel confident that we can march down the field and score. We need to rely on field position and short fields to overcome limited play from the games most important position. I imagine this is what Bills felt during Allen’s first two seasons! Need to see more from Tua before I pick with him against top tier opposition. The Bill struggled mightily last week, but if they can lean on the run game here, an area the Patriots had success then they should be able to put enough points on this defense to see this one out. Singletary might be the difference maker in this game, with some Josh Allen lasers mixed in.

Jets 10 Patriots 26

Spread: Patriots -6.5

Pick confidence: 90%

I found the Dolphins game a very strange game to watch as a long time Dolphins fan. It was like watching the Patriots you grew to despise and respect at the same time. The 2nd and 6 you knew one way or another would be converted, whether it was in one 7 yard play or two 3 and 4 yard plays. The defense allowed you to move the ball but suddenly stiffened once it came time to put the points on the board. Then the Patriots lost. The matriculating offense and bend but don’t break defense that served the organisation so well seemed to be there but without it’s teeth. Mac Jones is not Tom Brady, and I don’t think anyone is confusing the two, but the game plan is similar, the pieces have changed and in time I fear the Patriots machine will resurface. It didn’t last weekend, uncharacteristic fumbles and miscues costing the W. The Fins are a different proposition to the Jets though. A gun shy Tua is one thing, a not gun shy Wilson may fall prey to the Belichick treatment that had Sam Darnold seeing ghosts. This feels like a game where the Patriots D does the work and the offense does it’s thing without needing fireworks. I expect turnovers from this Patriots defense, going on a limb I’m going to call a defensive score here. I haven’t spoken much about the Jets but until they provide any meaningful support to their starting quarterback, on offense or defense it feels a little pointless.

Bears 23 Bengals 24

Spread: Bears -2

Pick confidence: 51%

This is a tough one to call. The Bengals barely overcame a Vikings squad that did not bring it’s A game. The ears hung with the Rams for a half then were put away with some ease after that. An Andy Dalton led offense these days has a ceiling, and not a high one. The sooner the keys are handed to Justin Fields, the sooner the Bears become a much more interesting proposition, with a higher ceiling. The Bengals offense will continue to press all game, and with the balance they showed last week should be able to take advantage of this Bears defense enough times to ensure that Bears ceiling is not a problem. The concern here is the Bears front vs the Bengals offensive line. If the offensive line holds up then the Bengals have more talent on offense to take this matchup vs a Dalton led Bears team. How long will the Dalton rope be though? In truth this game could go either way and may be determined by in game changes, Fields, or individual performances, Khalil Mack? My prediction reflects the ceiling imposed on this Bears team by the coaching staff.

Buccaneers 42 Falcons 24

Spread: Buccaneers -12.5

Pick confidence: 95%

The first 40 point prediction of the year! There don’t tend to be many. Seeing what the Eagles did to this Falcons defense must have Brady chomping at the bit to get out there on Sunday. The Bucs offense looked sharp against the Cowboys with Antonio Brown looking like the guy who dominated the league for so long, and Gronk balling out like he was in his prime. Those two accounted for 3 scores and they are not even in the top two weapons on this team. Likely Brady gets all day to pick apart this Falcons secondary given the D-line are not likely to generate pressure, move Brady off the spot or force the ball out off schedule. This game basically has the highest pick confidence I will give, I’m still a believer that this Falcons offense will score plenty of points over the course of the year, even after they shat the bed in week 1. I wouldn’t even rule out a high scoring game that puts the spread in jeopardy. There just is not enough defensively for the Falcons for me to make a case that this game is anything other than a comfortable Bucs win.

Cardinals 30 Vikings 20

Spread: Cardinals -3.5

Pick confidence: 75%

Ah the Cardinals. I said in last weeks picks that a Cards win would be no surprise over a favoured Titans team, based on pure talent alone. I do still want to see consistency from Arizona but on gut feel watching the game last weekend I think this team is here to compete consistently this year. Murray won’t account for 5 TDs every week, nor will Chandler Jones account for 5 sacks every week, but those are both examples of exceptional production and the upper limits for this team. DeAndre Hopkins statistically took the second half off last week, a good sign for the team if not for fantasy owners as Murray spread the ball around and warmed up the other weapons this team has. I’m not sure the dizzying heights of last week are in store but this offense will be productive against a fairly good Vikings defensive unit. On the other side, the Vikings sputtering offense will find it’s feet with too much talent not to. It may not be this week against a team who can pressure the QB and tackle well on the back end. A defensive score for the Cardinals would not surprise me in this one, I feel confident about the spread in the Cardinals favour here. My pick confidence would be higher if I still didn’t have the nagging consistency worry around this Cardinals team. The Lions, they lost to the Lions in week 2 last year.

Seahawks 27 Titans 24

Spread: Seahawks -6

Pick confidence: 60%

Russell Wilson only attempted 23 passes in week 1, but still racked up 254 yards and 4 TDs. The ground game went off for 140 yards on 27 carries, good enough for 5.2 a carry and tied third best rate in the league. That kind of balance with Wilson’s talent and deep ball prowess is the stuff of dreams for Pete Carroll and the Seahawks fans. It also bodes well against a Titans team who could not defend either in week 1 against a mobile quarterback chucking it deep. On all evidence from last week this game should be a Seahawks win and move on. This Titans team just has too much offensive talent to be held down. Derrick Henry’s best performances often come immediately after his worst. We are talking like 200 yard performances here as well. Not suggesting that is realistic, or that I think he is going to hit that mark, but he will be better and the coaching staff will ensure he gets his opportunity. You bet Julio Jones worked out the week 1 issues and miscues this week. I expect a different Titans offense to show up. However an anaemic pass rush isn’t going to get it done against Russell Wilson, who even after taking 3 sacks in week 1 on 23 attempts will have enough time to do damage. The improved Seahawks defense looks more equipped to put Tannehill under duress and force a mistake that might just be the difference in this game. Like the spread here, not often you will get a shot at Tennessee +6, against a team that generally lives in the realm of dramatic finishes.

Chargers 28 Cowboys 31

Spread: Chargers -3.5

Pick confidence: 51%

This pick is honestly more a gut feel pick than it is based on anything tangible. As noted above the Chargers win came down to Justin Herbert who made 3 completions of more than 15 yards on 3rd down in crucial spots in the game. That was against a Washington D led by Chase Young and a talented group of pass rushers. The Cowboys just lost Demarcus Lawrence and Randy Gregory for this game (and more in the case of Lawrence) so where will the pressure on Herbert come from? Trevon Diggs played well against Mike Evans last week and may stymie some of the Chargers wideouts but he won’t cover Keenan Allen on third down. Can anyone? Th LA defense is stout and looked good last week, but the Bucs D is stout and Dak pretty much had his way there. This may be a bit of a shootout and with nothing but a feeling this falls to the Cowboys I’ll not linger here any longer before I change to the more sensible pick…..

Ravens 24 Chiefs 30

Spread: Chiefs -3.5

Pick confidence: 75%

There are two great QB talents taking the field here on Sunday, but for me there is a chasm between them. Mahomes is a generational talent at the position, very much a player able to play from the pocket but with a possibly unseen before talent to play from just about anywhere else a QB can find themselves. The wow moments never stop coming and with one Superbowl ring under his belt already no one is betting against there being more. Jackson on the other hand, is not your prototypical QB and his strength lies in his legs, speed and athleticism. He can play from the pocket but is not in the same league in that regard as Mahomes. For me the difference always plays out in these big games, and as you have seen in Raven’s playoff games with Jackson. The number of QBs who’s strength lies in their running ability, who have chalked up a Superbowl win in the era of ultra athletic, dual threat QBs is none. QB mastery from the pocket still rules. I actually really like Jackson and he alone almost swayed me from the above belief last season as I almost bought in to a Ravens playoff run going into the business end of the season. The Ravens D let the Raiders skill position players go wild after starting strong. This is a different set of skill position players on the Chiefs team, a better set so I don’t see the Ravens slowing the Chiefs enough to allow Jackson and a sputtering supporting run game to take over this matchup.

Packers 35 Lions 24

Spread: Packers -11.5

Pick confidence: 60%

The Lions D may just be the salve Aaron Rodgers and the Packers offense need after the disastrous showing last weekend. The 9ers racked up 40+ points on this unit which won’t present as tougher opposition as the Saints. Look for Rodgers to go to Davante Adams early and often to build rhythm and momentum. I’m saying Rodgers 4 TDs, Adams hauls in 2 of them. The Lions may find themselves in a similar situation to last weekend, playing from behind. I can’t imagine the same kind of fireworks two weeks in a row though. I expect an improved performance from the Packers D, it is not asking much, I also don’t think it will be great but the Lions will have to go for TDs to stay in this game and so some points may be left out on the field. It was hard to evaluate the Lions offense given the game script that played out, we may be saying the same thing next week.