#for me :3 and oh then the guy ahead of us in the checkout gave me his $1 coupon for the bakery :3

[sorrellegiance]

THE TECH INTERACTIVE

[eighth--wonder]

@technicallyaminecraftsimp @grayve @anastoundingmango pspspspspspspspspspsp i finished the game night fic

fandom: dream smp

pairings: none :] it's just some sbi shenanigans

warnings: they yell a lot but not in a threatening context, swearing

disclaimer: this is strictly about their characters. none of this is directed at or meant to represent the cc's.

enjoy :]

--

--

Tommy threw himself onto Wilbur. Wil grunted at the weight. 

"Oh, I'm boooooored." He whined. 

Phil sighed. "Then go do your chores, your rooms a mess."

Tommy groaned loudly. He threw his arms open wide, hitting Wil in the face. Wilbur gave Tommy a deadly side eye which he ignored. 

"Fine, fine. What do you want to do then?" Phil said, putting down the book he was reading. 

Tommy stared blankly at the ceiling for about 3 minutes. 

"He's thinking." Wilbur whispered.

"Must be why it's takin' so long." Technoblade muttered from his chair. 

"Oi!" Tommy shouted. He pushed himself off of Wilbur and lunged playfully at Techno, putting him in a sad chokehold.

"Oh you wanna go, Theseus?" Techno said, grabbing at Tommy. 

"Nononononono, please don't hurt me!" Tommy shouted, holding back laughter. The fear in his voice was fake, and a wide smile occupied his face.

Techno nodded in faux victory as Tommy flopped off his back and onto the floor. 

It was a solid minute before Tommy said something.

"Uno!" He said, pointing a finger in the air.

"Dos!" Wilbur shouted like he had accomplished something. 

"No you idiot, the card game." Tommy said, pulling himself up off the floor. "We're going to play Uno tonight." 

"I'm fine with that." Phil said. 

Tommy smiled and went to fetch the game. Upon returning, Wilbur snatched the small box out of his hands.

"You fools. You're all forgetting the most important factor in game night." He said. "The selling factor, the end all be all of game nights across the world."

"And that is?" Techno asked.

Wilbur looked him in the eyes. "Snacks."

Phil looked up at the ceiling. "No, we're not getting snacks. I'm not taking you guys to the store at this hour." The clock read 11:30pm.

"Then I'm not playing." Wilbur crossed his arms.

Tommy looked at Wilbur and then at Phil. 

"Yeah. Then we're not playing." 

"Snacks would be nice." Techno looked at Phil.

"Techno, you're supposed to be the reasonable one." Phil sighed. 

"Morals mean nothing if snacks are in the equation." 

Tommy bounced excitedly and Wilbur had a smug look on his face. 

Phil looked distraughtly at his keys. Taking them to the store would be hell. But, he did really want to play Uno. 

"Fine!" He said in defeat. Everyone erupted in a small chorus of cheers. 

"Big Man Phil. Couldn't handle the pressure of a 16 year old and some sad wannabe Shakespeare enthusiast?" Techno said to him smugly as they were walking to the car. Tommy and Wilbur had raced ahead of them to see who would get the front seat. Wilbur won and Tommy had been trying to convince him he hadn't.

"Oh shut up." Phil said, pushing Techno to the side a bit. They both laughed.

"I get the music." Tommy said. Somehow, Tommy had gotten the passenger seat. 

"Well, no." Wilbur whined. "You're just going to play the Able Sisters." 

"No! No, no I won't." Tommy stumbled over his words. He definitely was going to. 

The car ride was loud. Wilbur wouldn't stop shouting at Tommy to change the song and Phil kept threatening to turn the car around. Techno had fallen asleep in the back seat. 

They arrived at a Walmart. There was one other car in the parking lot. Phil prayed it was the cashiers car. The less people to see Wilbur and Tommy go completely apeshit the better. 

The store seemed empty. The air was crisp and the vibe felt forbidden. 

"Okay, what d'you guys want." Phil said. 

"Sour Patch Kids!" Tommy yelled. One of the cashiers, a black and white haired boy, looked up at the sound of Tommy's voice. He looked highly unamused. 

"No, those taste like shit." Wilbur whined. 

"Oh shut up! They taste wonderful!" Tommy said, his voice a bit higher in pitch. 

Wilbur rolled his eyes. 

"Oh, Phiiiiiiiiiillll." Tommy whined. "Can I sit in the cart?" 

Phil nodded.

Phil stepped away from the cart to inspect a bag of chips. In the 2 seconds it took him to step forward, Wilbur had grabbed the handles to the cart. Tommy laughed.

"What are you doing, Wilbur?" He said. His voice was damp with laughter. 

Wilbur said nothing. He had an evil grin on his face as he positioned his feet on the floor. 

Phil turned around at the sound of Tommy's giggles. 

"What are you- oooooh no, Wilbur." Phil said, a small hint of laughter crept into his voice.

"Ready, 3. 2. 1. GO!!" Tommy and Wilbur shouted in unison. 

Wilbur took a running start and pushed the cart forward with speed. Once the cart gained enough speed, he hopped on the back of it. The cart sailed down the aisle, knocking down 2 small sample stands in the process. They were yelling the entire time, whooping and hollering nonsense as the air pushed their hair back. 

Phil pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. Techno was bent over laughing. 

Tommy and Wilbur rounded the corner, Wilbur hopping off the back of the cart and skidding the cart to a halt in front of Phil and Techno. They were both out of breath and giggling like schoolgirls. 

"Are you two done? Can we actually shop now?" Phil said. Techno was still dying in the background, holding onto Phil's shoulder for stability. 

"Sure, but I'm still pushing the cart." Wilbur said. 

Phil shrugged halfheartedly. He really didn't care who pushed the cart, he literally just wanted to play Uno. 

Wilbur steered the cart haphazardly around the store, grabbing items he wanted and making an effort to hit Tommy as he threw them into the cart. Techno and Phil walked behind them, grabbing onto small items they planned to put in the cart later. 

"Phil, Tommy and I have decided we want to go rogue." Wilbur said. Tommy was sat behind still in the shopping cart, nodding. 

"I literally don't care mate, do whatever you want. Just know you're getting what I pick."

Wilbur didn't respond, just turned back to Tommy and nodded seriously. Tommy nodded seriously in return, ruining the mood with his giant smile and quiet giggling. 

Tommy stumbled out of the cart, Wilbur not bothering to help him in any way and just watching him fall. Once he regained his balance, the two set off to wander the store aimlessly. And probably make a nation if Wilbur was going. 

The cashier from earlier began making his rounds, glancing down every aisle to make sure it wasn't a mess. He got to the sample stands that Tommy and Wilbur had knocked down and made a face of pain was it? No, it wasn't pain. It was more tiredness. Or disbelief. A mix of both to be honest.

Techno felt bad. The cashier was obviously in high school and the bags under his eyes were so clearly visible. His shift must end soon and he shouldn't have to clean up after Techno's god awful brothers. 

"Here. Take this." Technoblade said, handing the boy a $20 bill. "They're literally so annoyin' and destructive, it's the least I can do."

The boy took the money gratefully. He thanked Techno about 700 times before pocketing the money and picking up the mess. 

Across the store, Tommy and Wilbur could be heard shouting and laughing. Tommy's cough-laugh echoed through the store. 

They arrived at the checkout. Phil was the only one putting items on the belt as Tommy and Wilbur were still in the store somewhere and Techno was bagging the items. 

The two men stood patiently at the doors, waiting for Tommy and Wilbur so they could leave. The store had gone quiet. Phil wasn't concerned in the slightest and Techno didn't care.

"Fuck it. We're leaving without them." He said, turning around and activating the automatic sliding doors. Techno shrugged and followed, happy he would finally get the front seat. 

Phil drove the car into an unlit part of the parking lot. He sat there, tapping his thumbs to the beat of Techno's music. 

The two chatted while waiting for Tommy and Wilbur to get there. It was a good half hour before they came out of the store. They were looking frantically for the car and kept hitting each other on the arms. Phil unsuccessfully suppressed a laugh. 

"Oh, they're such idiots." He said after he stopped laughing. He drove the car around in a circle three times before they noticed him. 

"You left us you prick!" Tommy shouted once he had gotten in the car.

Phil laughed. Wilbur couldn't care less about being left behind. He was helping Techno pick music for the ride home.

"It's not funny Phil! I'm like the kid from Home Alone." He said gloomily. "It's like no one cares about me." 

"Awww. Don't say that, Tommy." Phil said. His smile could be heard in his voice.

Tommy grunted. He crossed his arms and looked dramatically out the window. It took him about 2 minutes to get over it though, as he soon was rummaging through the bag of snacks.

"Hey! Those are for when we get home! Stop." Phil shouted, looking in his rear view mirror. 

Tommy stuck his tongue out at him but stopped eating. Wilbur on the other hand was elbow deep in a bag of salt and vinegar chips and didn't plan on stopping. 

Wilbur and Tommy talked the whole time home. Their voices raised a bit at times but were brought back down by an evil stare from Phil. Techno had control of the music, as he was the only one with a playlist everyone could agree on.

They all piled out of the car. Phil carried the bags and Techno locked the car. Tommy and Wilbur had yet again decided to race back. Tommy lost this time and Wilbur decided in that moment he would never let Tommy forget it.

Everyone sat in their respective seats upon entering the house. Phil on the recliner, Techno on the giant chair, and Wilbur and Tommy either right next to each other or on opposite sides of the couch. In this case, they were right next to each other. On other days, Wilbur would just sit on the floor. 

"Alright let's play." Phil said, grabbing the box of cards off the table and dealing them. 

They each got 7 cards. Wilbur hated his cards, Techno loved his, Tommy was too tired to comprehend if he liked them or not, and Phil thought his were alright.

The game started. As usual, Techno and Phil got way too into it, standing up and dramatically placing down their cards with shitty one liners.

"You thought you had won the round just by lookin' at your cards, huh Phil. Well sorry to break it to you, I'VE WON THIS ROUND OLD MAN!" Techno yelled. He placed down a yellow 6 on top of the already placed blue 6.

Phil dipped the tip of his hat to shade his eyes. "You fool. You absolute fool. You really thought you won this?" Phil laughed. He placed down a yellow 2. 

Techno gasped. "But Phil, you said you didn't have any yellow cards!" 

Phil slammed his hand down on the table. "I was simply bluffing!" He shouted.

Techno crossed his arms. "Wil, make your move."

Wilbur halfheartedly threw down a red 2. 

"Tommy, your turn." He said. 

Silence. 

"Tommy?" Techno said, turning to face where the boy was sitting. 

He was asleep, his head on Wilbur's shoulder. His cheek was smushed and his cards had fallen out of his hand. 

"Awwww." Phil said. 

"Don't you dare 'awwww' me. I'll kill you." Wilbur said, being careful not to move the shoulder Tommy was resting on. 

A moment of silence followed.

"So I'm guessin' the game's over?" Techno said. 

Phil nodded. "Yeah, it seems it is."

They all looked at the sleeping boy.

"You get his arms, I get his legs?" Techno said.

"No, I say we leave him here." Phil said.

"Wait no." Wilbur said. 

Techno nodded. "Yeah, that seems reasonable." He said, grabbing his coat and heading towards his bedroom. 

"Guys please, no." Wil said. He was smiling. 

"G'night Wil!" Phil said, waving and leaving the two boys in the living room.

Wilbur smiled fondly. "Those little shits."

He laughed quietly to himself before leaning his head on top of Tommy's and drifting to sleep.

[dxmichelle]

I am not normally one to throw a whole lot of personal stuff around on my blog, but I feel the need to rant. 

Some big-name grocery stores are paying hazard pay to their employees. $2/hr bonus for having to deal with the customers panic-buying all the eggs, meat, toilet paper, and pasta sauce (but not pasta? What’s all the sauce for???), restocking as much as they can, and dealing with the likelihood of catching COVID-19 just because they have to show up for work because it’s an essential business that can’t close.

That’s great! Now that the employees have to be there, of course, because I’m sure they’d all rather be home, but that their companies are acknowledging that they are what’s keeping the store afloat and are compensating them better for it. Even if it is a temporary boost in pay until the pandemic is over, I’m sure it will not go unnoticed by the team members.

Now. Having said that...

I think I’ve mentioned once before that I work at Walgreens. (If not, it’s no big secret *shrug*). Like any other grocery store and pharmacy, we are an essential retailer that can’t just close down in the face of a serious pandemic. We know the store has to stay open. We don’t expect it to close. Ever. I mean, we’re the only store in town open on Christmas all day. The world can end twice over and we’ll still be selling cigarettes and printing photo orders.

Some of what’s happened to other stores (read: grocery) has happened with us. My store in particular is out of toilet paper and paper towels, milk, eggs, sanitizer, etc. All those nice things that the panicking hoarders bought everyone out of within two weeks or so, they’re gone. They’ve been gone. And it’s near impossible to get it back in stock.

We’ve had customers give us shit because we don’t have any paper goods, cleaning supplies, disinfectant, masks, gloves, rubbing alcohol, heck - even the Tylenol is all gone. You know how much OTC pain medicine we keep on the shelves year-round? TONS. And it’s wiped clean. Even the generic Tylenol is out. It’s nuts. 

“Why are you still out of everything!? Don’t you guys receive trucks anymore?”

“When are you getting “[name that product]” in?”

“WHY DON’T YOU EVER HAVE TOILET PAPER?”

Okay, truth be told, we have been getting paper goods back in stock. By the third hour it’s been restocked to the floor, it’s gone again, and that’s with setting a harsh limit per customer. We’ll get maybe two bottles of hand sanitizer in a week. Clorox or Lysol wipes and disinfectant spray? Forget it.

The Tylenol is a recent addition to the “whoop, it’s gone!” club. We’ll probably restock just fine on it, but it might take a week or so. ...Or maybe it won’t. Who knows.

I can see exactly what comes in on each truck before it arrives. But I can’t tell the customers that in fear they’ll storm the truck or something before we’ve finished unloading it. 

“Our truck comes later this week. We can’t guarantee what’s going to be on it.”

Which is true, because essentially every distribution center is out of all the things people want. 

And because we are also a pharmacy, where the sick come to get the medicine to feel better, we are constantly in the line of fire for picking up whatever illness our customers drag through the front door. Doesn’t have to be COVID-19. People don’t know how to stay the fuck home when they’re ill.

You would think that all the Karens and the Susans who bought all the hand soap, sanitizer and face masks would have better sick etiquette, but nooo, they’re the ones not covering their mouth and nose and spreading their germs all over everyone and everything.

And don’t even get me started on how dirty money is.

So, being such a large and well-respected(?) retail pharmacy, what has Walgreens done for our employees in these troubling times of uncertainty and unease for their team members?

1. 2 weeks of paid sick pay but only if you’ve been confirmed to have COVID-19. And since testing is so readily available (HA), if you have flu-symptoms and choose to stay home and self-isolate, you can! But it comes out of either your PTO, or goes unpaid. 

And if your child is home because no school and you have no one to watch them? It’s fine to stay home, but you won’t get paid unless you pull PTO. If you have it.

2. Social distancing markers! There are tape lines on the floor for the checkout and pharmacy lines. Except that when you need the pharmacist for a consult and you’re at the window, or standing at the pharmacy/front checkout counter, it is impossible to stand 6ft away. What, am I supposed to let the customer throw the money at me? Am I supposed to ring out their purchases and fling the bag back at them? Let me tell you a secret: it doesn’t work.

3. Discouraged wearing of gloves and masks at the front register. Okay, I see the point behind these. Not that anyone has masks to wear, mind you, but they don’t prevent the catching of COVID-19. And wearing gloves just keeps the dirt and germs on the gloves, and keeps you from frequently washing your hands, which is what everyone recommends you doing anyhow. But...realistically. The checkout cashier doesn’t have the ability after every 2 transactions to go wash their hands. And sanitizer is really only so effective. Either way, it’s not stopping whoever wants to wear gloves from wearing them, so we have gloves up front to use. 

4. Sent care packages to help us clean, and reduced store hours. My store was open 8am-10pm. Now it’s 9am-9pm. That hour in each direction really doesn’t do a whole lot of difference. The idea is to clean, disinfect everything, and restock in the new time window that the store is now closed. Which is fine. But we don’t have anything to restock, our stockroom is BARE. And those care packages for the store to use? A case of toilet paper that I could have ordered myself when ordering supplies, a 6-pack of paper towels, two tubs of Clorox wipes, a box of 30 gloves. Oh yes, this will last a long time... We’ve also been given the go-ahead to expense any product off the shelf that we need to keep the store disinfected. 

...Expense what!? THE SHELVES ARE EMPTY.

---

To give my company some credit, they are very good at keeping us updated with what’s going on. There are usually message posts every/every other day, and I honestly do feel like they are trying to do well in a situation that is trying for just about everyone. 

Many team members have spoken up in comment forums with concerns, and they are doing what they can to address them.

Now, having said that....

(Remember that first paragraph about hazard pay? I know it was like a year ago up there at the top of the post)

Today, 3/22/20, Walgreens announced that they are giving their store and distribution team members a one-time bonus to show their appreciation for us. 

We, the team members ringing out all of our customers purchases while they cough and sneeze uncovered in our general direction, the pharmacy technicians and pharmacists dealing with angry and impatient patients because the lines are long and everyone’s trying to get early refills on their medications, on top of the usual crowd in for their regular pickup or just trying to drop off a new script. We the team members having to placate the customers by walking into an empty stockroom, look at the empty shelving for 10 seconds so we can then walk back out and assure them that “no, we really are out of face masks and rubbing alcohol”. 

We hourly team members fighting the fight on the front lines and praying to whoever we believe in that we don’t contract COVID-19 from anyone and everyone, will get a one-time bonus of $300 for full-timers, and $150 for part-time, at the end of APRIL.

Are. You. Serious?

I realize that it is better than them shrugging their shoulders and doing absolutely nothing. For many people, I’m sure it’ll be welcome. I can definitely use the $300, considering I lost all my hours at my second job and am going to probably be short in the upcoming months. 

But, as this is a bonus, it’ll probably be taxed to hell. I’ll probably really see only half of it. And when you break it down, it’s like a $.53 raise, for four weeks. But you have to wait four weeks to get it. 

We are just as vital as the grocery store down the street. The fact that Walgreens think that this will placate its worried employee-base is completely out of touch. But then again, the people making these decisions are probably doing so from the comfort of home and not in the stores super busy with customers standing on top of each other, and us while they grab the last can of soup and box of vinyl gloves available. 

For us fighting to keep everyone else happy and healthy, this is a slap in the face and a punch to the gut. 

If I am going to work every day, risking my health and the health of my family just so everyone else can pick up their essentials...and non-essentials, I should be compensated for it. Without us in the stores, no one is getting their good sad stare at the toilet paper aisle, ranting over the lack of Tylenol, or waiting in line for that flu shot they should have gotten at least 5-6 months ago.

Not to mention...you know...getting their medication. That’s important too.

It’s time Walgreens gave us the hazard pay we deserve. And conveniently enough, several days ago, someone started a petition in hopes that might happen.

So if you’ve made it to the end of my rant, and want to try and help out a frustrated shift manager, or any of the other thousands of store and DC employees who must feel extremely slighted right now, feel free to click and sign. There are already 45,000+ signatures. Every bit helps.

And if not? Maybe signal boost this post. It might wander onto the blog of another Walgreens employee just as frustrated as I am. Who knows.

Thanks for reading,  Michelle the disgruntled employee 

[sirrriusblack]

Your Royal Highness - Part 3

Part 1, Part 2

* * *

I recognised him the minute the door opened. My head had been snapping toward the entrance every time the bell chimed, waiting for him to walk in. He’d looked radiant in that club, with the blues and purples dancing across his face. But bloody hell, he was just as hot in sunlight. He must have recognised me too because he winked at me and stood in line. Thank the lucky stars I was up the front of the shop.

“Hi, what can I get for you?” I asked the next person in line. She was a short, blonde lady and she smiled at me. I smiled back.

“Hi, can I please get a flat white?” she asked. I started typing it in.

“And what size?” She replied a large and handed me the money. Her name was Amanda. I looked up at the clock. 12:01pm. I was technically off work. “Frank!” I called out and smiled at Fabian. He stepped forward.

“Your Royal Highness,” he grinned. I frowned like I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Hi, what can I get for you?” I asked, causing Fabian to look hurt. Frank came around from the back to start making Amanda’s coffee.

“Oh, just my heart back please,” he laughed. I laughed too, but he continued. “Uh, just a... large iced coffee please.” His eyes sparkled. I looked away and started cashing it in. He handed over the money and I handed him backk too much change, then told him to take a seat. There was no one in line behind him, so I turned and started making his iced coffee. I made a chocolate milkshake for myself, too. When I was done, I carried the two glasses to Fabian’s table and smiled at him.

“I’ll be right back,” I promised and went out back.

“Hey Alice, my shift’s over, Frank’s out front,” I called out from the locker room. She yelled something back and I heard a box hit the ground. I took that as my cue to leave and, grabbing my phone and keys and taking my apron off, I walked to the front of the shop. Fabian was scrolling through his phone so I walked up to him, but stayed out of his view.

* * *

Kingsley: Hey :)

* * *

Fabian’s phone chimed and his head snapped up toward me as he smiled. I sat across from him. Alice came around the corner and gave me an odd look; I tried not to pull a face at her.

“So, how are you?” I asked. Fabian raised his perfect eyebrows at me and I felt my cheeks heat. I was wearing a plain black shirt and black jeans. If I’d have known I’d be going on a date, I would have been more dressed up. Was this a date? Or was it just coffee? He took a sip from the straw in his glass and looked at me.

“I’m good, how was work?” he asked. I almost laughed. But instead I nodded.

“It was alright. Busy.” I bit my lip and Fabian cracked a smile.

“It’s not a job interview, you don’t have to be nervous,” he laughed, pointedly looking at my fingers drumming my legs. I smiled.

“You’re right, sorry, I just don’t usually...” I trailed off, unsure what to say. Fabian ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward.

“You don’t usually go on dates with handsome strangers after you get off work? Who would have guessed?” he joked, running his tongue along his teeth. 

Holy shit, I was utterly fucked.

I cleared my throat. “Oh, so that’s what this is? A date?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. Fabian glanced up from his drink suggestively, but didn’t answer. “Do you often go on dates with handsome strangers?” I asked. Fabian grinned.

“Not often, no. Though I’d be more than happy to make a habit of it,” he flirted, looking me up and down. I smiled. “So, engagement party. Tell me all about it,” he said, laying his linked hands on the table between us like this was a business transaction. I bit my lip.

“Why?” I asked. Fabian looked confused.

“What do you mean why? I’m gonna need some sort of outline on who these people are,”“ he explained. I sighed.

“No, why are you helping? Why are you pretending to...” he knew what. I wasn’t going to say it out loud. Why are you pretending to date me? That probably wasn’t coffee shop appropriate. That probably wasn’t appropriate at all. Fabian shrugged and sat back, the light from the window filtering onto his face and casting beautiful shadows all over. The sound around me returned and I hadn’t even realised that I’d tuned out the coffee machines or the chatter of customers around us. I looked up and realised, for the first time since I’d sat down, that we weren’t alone. I shook my head.

“Why am I pretending to be your boyfriend?” he finished for me. I smiled and nodded.

“That’s the one,” I replied, physically willing my hand to stay by my side and not brush away the maple curl in his eyes. He rolled his eyes like I was being stupid and awkward. Granted, I was being stupid and awkward. I drank more of my milkshake and let him speak. He shrugged.

“I don’t really know. Because I’m bored,” he admitted. Frankly, I shouldn’t have expected anything more, but still, my gut dropped a little at his words. “Because a cute stranger in a bar kissed me and I liked it,” he kept talking. “Because it’ll be a good story to tell one day,” he finally settled on. I nodded. That was fair. That was a reasonable answer. So why did it make me uneasy? Fabian finished the rest of his iced coffee. The only other person I knew that could consume that much caffeine that quickly was Remus the night before a test. Or James before his first date with Lily. I smiled to myself.

“So anyway, as I was saying, I’m going to need some details, he said again and I looked up.

“Uh, right,” I said, standing up. “Wanna go for a walk?” I asked. Fabian smiled at me. 

“Are you going to lure me to a cave to murder me?” he joked. I batted my eyelashes.

“That’s the plan, pretty boy,” I said, grabbing the two glasses. Mine was still half full. Fabian chuckled and walked to the door, waiting as I took the glasses up to the checkout. Alice, who had replaced Frank up the front (no doubt to watch Fabian and I) tutted at me. 

“You don’t need to bring the glasses up every time, Kingsley,” she reminded me, smiling fondly. I shrugged it off and Alice grinned. “And who, may I ask, is that?” she asked, taking the glasses and looking toward the door. I smiled back at her. 

“You may not ask,” I replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I turned toward the door.

“Kingsley,” she called out. I spun back around to see Alice tucking a strand of strawberry blonde hair behind her ear. “He’s cute,” she whispered, just a little loudly. I rolled my eyes at her and walked to Freckles- I mean, Fabian.

* * *

“So the girl at the counter, she’s my boss, Alice. The other guy you saw is my other boss, Frank. They’re together and in love its sickening, but sweet.” We were walking along the bridge, too long and boring if you ask me, and I was filling Fabian in on all of my friends. And all of their relationships. He nodded.

“How long have they been together?” he asked, his shoulder brushing mine as he walked beside me, on the side closest to the road. 

“Since the start of 6th year, which was 7th year for them, they’re a year older than the rest of us,” I told him. “So, five years roughly. They got married after their graduation.” Fabian raised his eyebrows.

“After a year of being together?” he asked. I chuckled and nodded.

“Yeah, like I said. Sickly in love.” I smiled at him. “I’m not supposed to tell anyone but you don’t know Alice so I’m going to tell you... She’s pregnant,” I blurted out, smiling. Alice had called me right after she’d told Frank, ecstatic and hyperventilating at the same time. Fabian loosed a breath.

“Wow,” he said, “I’m definitely going to tell her you told me at this party,” he said, smirking. “I can’t believe you would betray your friend like that,” he joked. I nudged his shoulder, smiling.

“Ha ha. Very funny,” I spat, looking forward. I liked this. I hated to admit it, but I liked this. The way we fell into place on the pavement, walking side by side, arms brushing, steps synchronised, looking ahead to hide just how much we wanted to study each other’s faces. Okay, that last part was probably just me, but whatever. Fabian broke the silence with a glance in my direction.

“So, tell me about the others,” he said. I smiled and thought about just how to describe The Marauders. there was a lot to say.

“Well, we’re obviously all really close, but we kind of have groups. People that are closer to some than others,” I began. Fabian nodded. “Like, there’s Alice, Frank, Mary, Lily and I and we all work at the coffee shop with some other juniors, except for Lily. And then there’s Marlene who’s probably closer with the other guys or just Lily specifically, and Dorcas who’s closer to us, but those two are dating and they are literally each other’s best friends. They are always together and quite frankly they are always at my house for some damned reason,” I complained, though I wasn’t particularly fussed by it. Marls and Dorcas were like my crazy, partying, raging gay children and I was more than okay with that. Fabian smiled at my excuse of a joke. “Then there’s The Marauders,” I said. Fabian furrowed his brow and stifled a laugh.

“What?” he asked, I chuckled again.

“I know, they force us to call them that, at least James and Sirius do, and the four of them are complete and total nerds. James and Sirius are quite literally brothers,” I explained. “I won’t go into details, but Sirius had a crappy childhood, basically and James’ parents took him in as their own. A lot of people think they’re dating actually, but James is, single-handedly, the straightest person I know.” Fabian snorted and ran a hand through his hair, letting all of his loose curls fall back into his eyes. I looked away. “The other two Marauders are Pete and Remus. Pete is quiet, but holy hell he is the funniest git I’ve ever met. You don’t expect it either because he generally doesn’t have much to say but then he’ll just come out with an absolute cracker of a joke and the whole room will simultaneously turn to look at him for a moment before they all crack up.” Fabian glanced my way and I let my hands fall, not realising I’d been moving them around as I spoke. the corner of his mouth lifted. We were nearly at the end of the bridge now. 

“You seem to really love your friends” Fabian said. I nodded.

“I do,” I said. Fabian looked up at me.

“And Remus?” he asked, cautiously. I shrugged.

“You don’t have to say his name like that, I’m not all heartbroken,” I assured him. Fabian laughed.

“You could have fooled me,” he said, smirking. I rolled my eyes. We had reached the end of the bridge and when Fabian kept walking, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him around the bridge with me. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he said. I kept walking. “Your date spot is under a bridge?” he asked. “Wait, are you going to kill me?” he joked. I laughed.

“You still haven’t clarified whether this is a date yet, last I recall.” I ducked under a steel beam and Fabian followed suit. I heard him murmur something under his breath but I didn’t quite catch it.

“If I say it’s a date do we have to stay under here?” he asked. I laughed and stopped in front of a bolted door. Fabian cringed.

“Do you have an irrational fear of being under bridges?” I asked. Fabian looked at me like I was mad, his green eyes glancing around.

“No but-”

“Good, now hold on,” I said, pulling a bobby pin out of my wallet and picking the lock open. Fabian’s mouth dropped to the ground.

“Why do you know how to do that? Are you sure you’re not going to murder me?” he asked. I smirked at him.

“I forgot to mention the school we all went to was a boarding school and I happened to be lucky enough to share a dorm with The Marauders. The name is dorky, but it’s pretty accurate,” I explained. Fabian once again tried not to laugh at the name. “And I never actually said I wasn’t going to kill you,” I added, which wiped the smile off his face. I opened the door and walked inside. Fabian, quite stupidly if you ask me, followed me in. It was supposed to be a power shed for when roadworks and the like took place on the bridge, but Alice and I had gone walking one day and found it. And we’d found that behind the all the machines, there was an empty room. Literally empty. So we... re-vamped it. 

* * *

“Holy. Shit.” Fabian leaned against the wall and took in the room. It was kind of cramped, but it was dry and and warm and it was all round, nice. Alice and I had parked the car on the bridge a few days after we’d found it and brought down some cushions, some bean bags and a radio. Over time, as we’d brought everyone to the bridge, the walls had acquired some posters, string lights had been hung on the roof and the radio now sat next to a second-hand speaker and an old record player (thanks to Sirius). I fell into one of the bean bags and Fabian, still shocked, did too. Once he regained his composure, he smirked at me.

“Is this where you take all the boys you date?” His voice was thick with awe as he kept looking around the room. I shook my head, laughing.

“Definitely. Every time I want to impress boys with my lock picking skills and my eye for interior designing, I take them here.” I drummed my fingers on my leg and watched Fabian drag his eyes from me to the record player. Then to the pile of records stacked in one of the corners. He moved over to the stack and sifted through it.

“So you were talking about Remus,” he prompted, carefully pulling out an album. I winced.

“Great first date conversation material,” I remarked. Fabian only hummed as he tried to drop the tonearm in the right place. I sighed. “It’s complicated,” I said, Fabian, happy with the placement, came back over and fell into the other beanbag. Crazy Little Thing Called Love started playing quietly and I rolled my eyes at Fabian’s amused smirk. “It’s not my story to tell, but Remus has a condition and basically he has to visit the hospital for a few days every month. He hates it, hates himself for it. And that was made worse by how much shit his dad gave him for it.” Fabian sucked in a breath. “He believed he wasn’t worthy of love, and so, he never quite told Sirius how he felt for him. Everyone kind of knew they were pining after each other, too. At least, everyone but them. So anyway, Remus didn’t think he was worthy of love, necessarily, but he was a teenage boy and he wanted to get some.” Fabian snorted. “I had a bit of a crush on Remus but, I wasn’t even out yet and I couldn’t imagine him paying attention to me in that way. But then there was a party in our common room one night and Remus was staring at me a lot. We played spin the bottle and my spin landed on Remus and one thing led to another and that’s how we both lost our virginity. Young and tipsy.” Fabian nodded.

“Very poetic,” he teased. I flicked him and shifted positions so I was facing him more.

“Anyway, that went on for a while and we weren’t in a relationship but everyone kind of knew we were...” I trailed off.

“Fucking?” Fabian finished for me. I laughed. 

“Yeah. Long story short, Remus eventually felt shit for leading me on and broke it off because he was in love with Sirius. Don’t worry he didn’t tell me that, he’s not a dick,” I said, reading the look on Fabian’s face. The song was starting to fade off.

“So that’s it? You wanted to make your ex from what...”

“Fifth year.”

You wanted to make your ex from fifth year jealous?” He asked. I shook my head.

“No, I said it was complicated. Over the year, Remus and Sirius kind of started dating without actually dating. As in they’d lie all over each other, spend all their time together, hold hands walking down the corridor, they’d basically do everything someone would do in a relationship, without the label or the sex. At the end of fifth year, Sirius got pissed off at this one kid that was a bit of a prick at school and, in anger, happened to tell him about Remus’ condition. Which was a bad thing because the school we went to is really pretentious and they don’t generally let ‘different’ kids in there. So anyway, Remus got really pissed at Sirius and they didn’t talk for months.” Fabian looked up.

“Don’t tell me he went back to you and you let him,” he said, leaning his head on his arm. I smiled.

“Nah, I was dating some other guy from school. Good bloke, really,” I explained. “Sirius and Remus made up a few months later and all was well and they were still mad for each other, except they’d gone back to level 1, acting like they didn’t know they were in love. So anyway, this lasted years, years of them pining and dating other people to try and get over each other, until the year after graduation. There was another party and Remus and I kissed again, but this time without the game and without the alcohol.” Play The Game slowly started to play, ironically. “Basically, we got together and dated for almost a year before it just didn’t feel right anymore. I wasn’t mad for Remus and he clearly wasn’t mad for me and although I love him, and although I really love hanging out with him, It was just so painfully platonic.” I huffed a laugh.” So we broke up. And seeing Remus dating one of his mates was, I guess, Sirius’ point of realisation and last year, they got together officially and I have never seen either of them happier,” I finished.

“Wow,” Fabian said. I huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, wow,” I agreed.

“And you’re not pissed that a year of your life was kind of just wasted?” he asked. I looked up at the ceiling.

“I wouldn’t say it was wasted,” I said. “I don’t regret dating him, necessarily, it made realise so many things, made me into a different person. And we didn’t end on bad terms. And we had plenty of good moments and not many bad. So really, it was a year of fun and love and that’s over now and Remus had found someone else and I’m sitting under a bridge with a stranger who has agreed to be my fake boyfriend. And I guess I’m okay with that,” I said, struggling to keep the smile from my face. Fabian broke first. His laugh filtered out of his throat with such raw amusement yet elegance at the same time. The sound echoed through the room and soon enough I was laughing too and this was nice. This was good and I locked eyes with Fabian. And for the first time since we left the coffee shop, neither of us looked away.

[paniccord-ff]

27. Part 3

Rylee doesn’t want to go inside her home because of what happened with Hannah but she has no choice at all “can we just get a hotel? I beat her Chris, I look bad” I know she is feeling bad about it but I find it a little funny now “have you noticed that we both have hit someone for each other?” looking over at Rylee “mhmmm we have” she looked down “you know what that means though babe?” she shook her head “that means we are crazy motherfuckers” I chuckled “joke, but we are ride or die. Like remember when you wasn’t into me that much? I was the first to say I love you? It feels good to get this from you, you can feel what I feel. It’s just deep as fuck, it’s like a whole new world” Rylee smiled a little “but it’s scary Chris, I wasn’t the type to fight girls for anyone. Now I want to fight people, I’m scared to lose you and I think this is what triggers me” squinting my eyes at Rylee “you’re scared to lose me? But I am scared to lose you so stop it, we good over here. I know there is a lot of shit but we good” she amazes me, I can’t believe she is insecure about me when she is the most beautiful girl in the world.

Grabbing my snapback from the seat before closing the car door “boss you want us to go or wait?” Joe asked, walking around the SUV “wait here, I need to go somewhere else. Let me go inside with Rylee” Joe nodded his head “Carlos, you stepping on Rose’ flowers, she will beat your ass” Carlos jumped off the yard “dumbass” I chuckled, Rylee grabbed onto my hand. She really doesn’t want to go inside “Rylee, what happened? Why!?” some guy shouted, looking across the yard “oh my god, her father” Rylee said in a whisper “but who is the guys?” I asked, I don’t know who they think they are staring at Rylee like this “cousins, they are dicks” I don’t even care, pulling Rylee along to go inside “you hurt my daughter! I want an explanation!” he shouted at the side of me before getting in our way “can you step back sir” Joe stepped ahead of me “do not touch me” her father eyeballed Joe “I am simply moving you, you are in his space” I will let Joe throw him to the ground “I want to speak to Rylee, not him” Joe shook his head “please move to the side” the very guys that I saw came over, I don’t know why they want to start this mess “get back” Joe gripped the guy’ collar with his one hand and threw him to the ground “can you leave them alone!” Harvey shouted, walking around her father to go inside.

Harvey looks so angry, I just remained silent with my hands behind my back “Rylee don’t give me that face why did you hit her? You really hurt her and then you ran away” Blake came from behind Harvey eating a Twizzler “sis, you beat that bitch. Shit, what happened?” Rylee looked up pouting “she was saying things about Chris I didn’t like, she was flirting with my fiancé!” Rylee said in her defence “I want to go to bed, I don’t feel good” Rylee is such a child “don’t pout your lips out like that with me, you were outside my home like some hoodrat. I won’t have that shit, no” Harvey said, Rylee huffed out “I don’t care! I will fuck any bitch up!” eyeballing Rylee, she snaps like a crazy person “if someone was flirting with you I know mom would beat them and I know it” Rylee has got a point “she right pops, Hannah is a hoe” Blake said defending Rylee, Rylee turned around to walk away “leave me alone, I am going to my room. Don’t come near me” she snatched her hand away from me, shaking my head at her “she is going through some things I guess” I wish she didn’t take it out on me.

Holding the car door open for Kyrie, I came to Walmart to get some things and I thought I would bring Kyrie along with me. He jumped out of the car, banging the car door shut “how come Rylee didn’t come? Why was she crying?” Kyrie questioned, stuffing my hands in my pockets “because she is not feeling too good, one day you will understand. One day you will have a girlfriend and will realise what they have every month and how emotionally crazy they are” Kyrie pulled a face at me “I hope I don’t get a girlfriend like Rylee she is mad annoying” he ran to get a shopping cart, that kid is funny I like him “so boss, tell me about little Rylee fighting? Who she fight?” Joe asked smiling, busting out laughing “the next door neighbour, she snapped and started yanking her hair. She was hitting her face onto the sidewalk, Rylee is crazy but then she got sad. A lot of shit is going on, you know. She thought she might have been pregnant and she wasn’t and then the neighbour was flirting saying she was backstage with me” I shrugged watching Kyrie run to me with a shopping cart “the hell you think we buying?” he legit got a cart for no reason actually “candy? Can I push it?” nodding my head walking off slowly, I guess we finna buy junk food.

Holding my phone to my ear as the phone rang out, staring at the Magazines “yes” Rylee said on the phone “rude, stop being mean to me” squinting my eyes at the magazine in the back, reaching over and pulling it out “sorry, yes baby? Where are you? Where did you go?” there is me and Rylee on this, holding it up to Joe “just in Walmart, you need anything? Tampons?” Joe grinned “Chris Brown engaged” Joe said laughing, Rylee snorted laughing “read all about his new fiancé” Joe said aloud “really? Buy me tampons? Stop it, honestly, I don’t need any but thank you. I am sorry for being moody, just come back home now” Joe opened the magazine “I won’t be long, I love you. See the kind of man I am, I will do anything for you” Rylee cooed out “stop, you going to make me cry. Please come back now, I love you too” disconnecting the phone call.

Joe is really into the magazine “you know what, it makes me happy that I made it in the picture. I am always so angry though and my eyes look scared” he kissed his teeth turning the magazine so I can see “you look better there actually, real life you ugly as hell” I said as Carlos laughed “I don’t know why you laugh, every time I am in danger you are always somewhere else” Joe chuckled “Chris Brown to marry a twenty five year old nurse from New Jersey, a very close source to Rylee Turner said she is over the moon but is feeling a little scared with how things are going so fast, their love is very real” Joe looked up at me “who is this close friend?” I shrugged having no clue, Joe looked back down “and then the rest is how much of a hoe you are boss, your ex chick saying how you don’t know how to commit and then how Nia is apparently not happy and will not want Rylee near Royalty, then they have a picture of Royalty and Rylee from Instagram” he closed the magazine “that was fun, can we go now before your fans gather” taking the magazine from him “let’s move on” throwing the magazine in the cart “you think your momma need anything? I mean I do eat all the cereal in that place and drink a lot” I should have asked before I left actually.

I came here to get Rylee some snacks to make her feel good, mostly junk but I bought so much shit. Kyrie did his own thing, not only that I am staying there and there is five boys in that place. I got a lot of junk and chicken because I might cook for them “Chris, why do you need to have these guys with you?” Kyrie questioned pointing at Joe and Carlos as we waited for the checkout “because I like to be normal, I like to come to Walmart and do normal things. I have people that harass me sometimes, I have people that hate me too so these are to keep me safe. Also they keep Rylee safe and you, I mean look there” I pointed “you see the people taking pictures?” he nodded his head “they haven’t asked for a picture but they will after a while, I don’t mind it but when I am with family I just want downtime” I hope he understands “but it’s cool to have girls chasing you? You have so many girls Chris!” he said so loudly “but I am with your sister now” Kyrie looked at me pulling a face “but why have one?” I snorted laughing “you want me to die? You want me to also get beat up? I have had that already and it is no fun” placing my hand on his head, he has all this to come.

“Here Chris” Joe gave me the bag with the stuff I got for Rylee, taking the flowers from him “is she still upstairs?” I asked Harvey “yes she is but you didn’t need to do this Chris, honestly” smiling at Harvey “it’s fine, family” Rose looked at me all emotional “thank you so much, I have gained another son. You don’t just make my daughter happy you make us happy, I can’t thank you enough” Rose placed her hand over her heart “it’s ok Mrs Turner, I just be eating y’all food and I feel bad. It’s cool honestly, I am going upstairs now though” Rose smiled at me “only you can deal with that moody daughter of mine” turning around to go upstairs “you good bro?” looking in shock at Blake, did he just call me bro “uh yeah, just finna see Rylee” Blake walked around me “cool, good looking out though for the food” he patted my back walking off.

It’s still so weird how Blake is now nice to me, I appreciate it and maybe he has now accepted Rylee and I but he really hated my ass. Opening Rylee’ bedroom door, looking over at the bed. Her head snapped up in my direction “you back!” she yelped, holding the flowers in front of my face “you got them for me?” stepping into the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind me. Moving the flowers down “yeah, I went to Walmart and I got them” walking over to the bed “I love them, thank you so much” placing the bag on the bed “I got some snacks and some drinks” Rylee took the flowers from me “oh my, what did I do to deserve you” taking my bottle of Fanta out of from the bag “we can Netflix and chill, just chill because you on your period” walking around the bed “oh yes, Ben and Jerrys. You even bought spoons, god Chris. I didn’t think you was like this at all” she gushed “I’m not but it’s you, you my baby so I have to look after you” I wouldn’t do this for anybody.

I have no idea what is happening on this shit she is watching, I was hoping she fell asleep but she hasn’t. She is wide awake and really into Gossip Girl but Rylee is at peace and I guess that is the main thing, she is quiet “my stomach hurts” Rylee mumbled against my chest, looking down at her “well suck it up and get on with it” Rylee gasped lifting her head up looking up at me “I will say that to you when you complain to me, oh baby can I sleep in my favourite place. Can you wrap your legs around me” she kissed her teeth as I laughed, she hit my chest “suck my ass, hate you” even though she hates me she still laid her head back on my chest “you know I am joking, you are so uptight and violent” placing my hand lightly on her booty “don’t touch what you can’t afford” squeezing the booty “Don’t do that! I am heavy” pulling a face moving my hand “you women are weird” shaking my head, I don’t even want to know what is happening down there.

Instagram is so boring at times, I just do it to see what people be up too but they are fake as shit. Smiling at the picture Nia put up of Royalty, I miss her so much and there is always something different about her every time I leave. Feeling Rylee tug at my sweatpants, moving my phone away and looking down at myself. Rylee openly lifted my sweatpants up and looked down my boxers “what are you doing?” I questioned “I just wanted to see your dick, it looks cute when soft. I kind of like looking at it soft, I just want to play with it” my mouth hung open in shock “you are so weird, don’t wake him up please” Rylee groaned out but placed her hand on top of my package, she will regret it when it gets hard. Looking back at my phone as it rang, my manager is calling me once again “yo” answering the call “still in New Jersey?” Rylee needs to stop touching my crotch “yeah, will be back in LA still” I wonder what he wants “cool, club hosting tomorrow. How about it? Marquee club, its money” such short notice “erm yeah, I’ll go there for a few hours” I don’t really have anything else to do so why not.

Disconnecting the phone call “where are we going?” Rylee asked me, my eyebrows knitted together moving my phone away to look at Rylee “we?” I said in confusion “yeah, where are we going? You heard right” I would to love to see Rylee’ face right now but she is watching Gossip Girl and is being deadly serious about this “where is my sweet Rylee gone? This one is crazy” Rylee grabbed the remote and paused Netflix, locking my phone “I want to know where we going? What is so hard to just say where? Don’t you want me to come with you” Rylee got up from me, shuffling off the bed “speak up, if you don’t want me to go then say it? I swear to god I will beat any girl up that comes near you unless you hiding some girl? I just feel I can’t do anything right anymore” staring at Rylee in shock as she walked off to the bathroom “and I thought I was bipolar” I said, Rylee huffed slamming the bathroom door.

[videogamelover99]

The Pine Tree

A/N: Heyyy guys long time no see? Yes, writing this latest chapter was like wresting a rattlesnake while balancing a few ceramic plates on top of my head, but here it is! Plus I already started working on the new one, so hopefully it’ll be out relatively soon. In the meantime, enjoy this small detour before the plot rears its ugly head again. 

Au by @doodledrawsthings, based on Flat Dreams by @pengychan.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

“Hey, who’s the new guy? He’s kinda cute.”

Dipper tore his eyes away from the book he was reading to stare at Wendy in mute horror. She was glancing from the corner of her eye at Bill, who had taken the opportunity to rearrange all the snow globes on the shelves as a petty way to spite Grunkle Stan. Why they even let Bill into the gift shop was anyone’s guess. So far, all he managed to do was to scare away customers and give everyone a headache. No one recognized him so far, which was a good thing, but most of these people were just passing through the town anyway, and had no idea about the disaster that took place last summer.

Wendy had just come back from a hiking vacation with her family, and since nobody expected her to be back so soon, they had no idea what to do with Bill. Dipper assumed they would have to tell her eventually, seeing how she was a regular employee, and was definitely smart enough to connect the dots by herself at some point. Better to warn her ahead of time than to wait until she dragged in an exorcist or something. Not that Dipper though it would work. At all.

But Hearing his past crush call the devil in disguise “cute” was something vaguely traumatic. And it showed, because Wendy suddenly looked concerned. “Hey Dipper, are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen Stan in his underwear again.”

“I-uh.” the boy cast a look at Bill, who was now stacking the Mr.Mystery bobbleheads into a pyramid, humming something under his breath. He would have to tell Wendy. Better do that sooner than wait for her to find out on her own. “Wendy, I gotta tell you something-”

“HEY RED! PUMA SHIRT OR PANTHER SHIRT?” Dipper froze.

Wendy turned to look at the demon, who was now wrestling two hangers in his hands, and squinted a bit. “Dude, just buy both. That’s what the mayor did.” The teenager turned back to look at Dipper, then did a double take. Her eyes traveled from Bill to the bobblehead pyramid he constructed, then back to Bill.

Dipper grew more worried, hoping to stop, or at least control the train of thought the girl was aboard. “Uh, Wendy? I gotta-”

“Sorry Dipper, you can tell me your thing in a sec.” she looked as pale as a sheet, and before Dipper could stop her she leaped over the checkout booth, a murderous glint in her eye. Oh boy.

There was a scream, followed by lots of yelling, cursing, and flying merchandise. Dipper winced, hiding behind the cash register just in case.

…

“So you don’t know why he’s like this?”

“Dipper, if a month ago you would have told me Bill Cipher would be living under our roof, I would have had an aneurysm.” His great uncle pushed up his glasses, a habit that Dipper had learned was a pondering one. Then he frowned, his his gaze distant. “Did, did she tell you anything? Any information about this situation we have?” Dipper sat up straighter.

“Uh, no?” he answered, shrugging uncomfortably. “I mean, she told me a lot about how her stuff works. And to be honest, it kinda looked like she wanted to...get rid of us? Not in a bad sense!” he corrected himself at the scientist’s questioning expression. “Just, I kinda think she wanted to...talk to Bill? So she sent us off? I mean, from what I could tell it looked like the two had history. And knowing Bill, it probably wasn’t good. So, uh, yeah?” The teen fidgeted in his seat, staring at his unfinished cup of tea in silence.

“I see. And the scissors?” Grunkle Ford looked deep in thought, chewing on one sparkly pens Mabel had gotten him for Christmas.

“Mabel has them. You gotta ask her.”

“No no, that’s quite alright. She can keep them for now.” Stanford stood up, the unfinished tea, which had probably cooled by now, still in front of him. “Well, if there’s anything concerning you, feel free to share it with me. For now, I feel like it’s about time I graded some papers.”

Dipper hopped off his chair, straightening his hunting hat. “Same goes for you, Grunkle Ford.”

“Of course, of course.” The man gave him a forced smile, and Dipper had a feeling Grunkle Ford was just waiting for him to go. Far from being offended, the boy kinda understood. Sometimes a guy just needed to think, and other people tended to distract from that. Dipper turned to leave with a parting wave, and had just reached the elevator doors when he heard a familiar, yet very unwelcome voice echo through the wide expanse of the room.

“Wow, this place is a mess.”

How had Bill even gotten down here without running into Dipper? Was he like, lurking in the shadows? Because that was seriously creepy.

“What do you want now, Cipher?” Grunkle Ford sounded tired. Dipper probably shouldn’t be hiding around the corner, spying on...whatever was happening. But curiosity was a temptation Dipper could never resist, so he stayed anyway.

“Like I need a reason to visit an old friend.”

“Have you forgotten the part where you betrayed me and tortured me?”

“Huh, kinda. But considering that you literally set me on fire,” there was a loud creak as Bill sat down in the chair Dipper had been occupying not even a minute before. “you could say we’re kinda even.”

There was a long lasting silence as Stanford glared at the man across from him. “Have you come here just to bother me? Or is there something you want?”

“Hey, what’s with the cold shoulder, Fordsy? You’re actin’ like I just threatened your friends and family right in front of ya.”

“Cipher.” there was a dangerous tone in Ford’s voice, something that even made Dipper have chills down his spine. In a flash, Bill’s whole demeanor changed, the causal, teasing mood replaced by something much more serious.

“Fine. Where are the scissors? I need them.” So Bill wasn’t lurking around during their conversation. That was good, at least.

“What for?” the dangerous tone was still there. “And if you think we’d just let you go prattling into another dimension, you’re greatly mistaken.”

“Wow, haven’t slept in weeks, and you still manage to sound all heroic and stuff? Kudos to that.”

“What do you want them for?” Stanford tried again, this time sounding a bit more forceful.

“Noneya business. But I’m guessing you don’t have them.”

“If you’re thinking you can just-”

“Well, BEEN NICE TALKING TO YA. Even WITH THOSE AMATEUR PRYING EYES RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.” Bill jumped off his seat, and Dipper scrambled for a hiding place. Seriously, how did Bill do that? The boy scrambled behind a tower of dirty cardboard boxes, hoping they were enough to cover him up. He watched Bill pass him buy, and the demon suddenly shot a wide grin in Dipper’s direction, his eyes boring into the teen’s. And then he was gone.

Dipper breathed deeply, trying to calm down his racing heart. It was fine, Bill was just messing with him. It’s not like the demon could actually hurt him. The guy got decked by Wendy a few days ago, if that didn’t say something. Nevertheless the boy shot out of his corner, rushing to get to the elevator before Grunkle Ford saw him, and planning to get far far away from the Shack for a while.

...

Dipper chewed on his fifth pen for the day in frustration, glaring at the makeshift web he had drawn in his journal. The boy adjusted himself so that the ridges of the birch tree he was sitting against weren’t digging into his back, and crossed out a few lines. No amount of thinking could calm down his bundled up nerves, beacause nothing about their current situation made sense. Okay, so Bill Cipher was back. Great. How? Just a few weeks ago he was a piece of rock in the middle of the woods. Now he was alive, not only that, but a human, stealing their soda and sabotaging the Mystery Shack on a daily basis. Hanging around...around...

The boy’s fist clenched the pencil a bit to hard, making the fragile wood crack under his palm. Mabel. It was pretty obvious that Bill was trying to manipulate her, to somehow get the more trusting twin on his side. Dipper had absolutely no idea what the demon had planned. But whatever it was, he would make sure Mabel wouldn’t be a part of it.

The boy turned the page of his journal, his eyes falling on his newest illustration. Seven eyes, drawn in black ink, stared right back. There was the other mystery that needed solving. Meeting Jheselbraum the Unswerving made Dipper understand even more why his great uncle was so fond of her. It was hard to pinpoint what exactly she did with just one journal entree at hand, but visiting the dimension below the mountain gave both of the twins, along with a bagpipe, a discovery of something much more interesting, interesting enough to even warrant a fall into the bottomless pit.

All the natives they had talked to turned out to not be natives at all, but refugees from other dimensions. Or, more importantly, the dimensions that Bill took over previously. And all of them had absolutely no idea where their oracle had come from, only that she was the one to take them in and care for them. The oldest one, a creature who looked like a cross between a lizard and a bird, claimed to have been there for several thousand years, and still could not give them any new info about who exactly his caretaker was, only that she had welcomed him and had been nothing but kind. As far as this old geezer can tell, he had said, she’s been there since the dawn of this place.

Well, that was all nice and good, except that Dipper still didn’t know who or what the being that saved his uncle’s life was, and how exactly she was connected to Bill. And there was definitely some kind of connection.

Dipper slammed the journal shut, getting up to stretch from the uncomfortable position he’d been in for the last hour. The twin made a glance toward the birch tree he had just been sitting against, shivering as he felt the eyes that littered the white cracked bark stare silently back at him. Of course, Bill couldn’t spy on them anymore, not when he was in this state, and yet the eye-shaped ridges still gave Dipper the creeps. The boy quickly turned away from the tree, heading deeper into the woods, away from any sign of the demon. He needed to think, and recently he found out that walking aimlessly through the shrubbery was a good way to do just that.

The younger Pines twin tripped over a couple of roots, jumped over a small stream, and chased away the hungry mosquitoes aimed for his face. Okay, so maybe nature was just as friendly as he’d remembered it, but at least there was no-

Dipper froze in his tracks, the blood freezing in his veins as he realized what clearing he’d stumbled upon.

There, across the small patch of grass, it stood there like some sort of twisted monument, just as overgrown as it’d been before. Dipper wanted to turn back, to run toward the shack as fast as possible, because no matter how ridiculous and creepy the Bill Cipher there was, this one was just plain terrifying. It didn’t matter if the statue was just a piece of rock now, something in Dipper’s instincts just screamed danger about it. Maybe it was Weirdmageddon taking a toll on him, or maybe it was some other, supernatural reason, but what the Pines twin needed to do right now was get as far away from that thing as possible, and the sooner, the better.

But there was the other, slightly more familiar part of him that wanted to come closer. Because as far as Dipper knew, that statue could explain everything. Why, and how, Bill survived, the Oracle, and maybe even why his uncle was acting so weird lately. Somehow, simply by shaking his hand, Mabel had managed to bring Bill Cipher back to life. But that made no sense, there had to be something else at work than a stupid handshake, something-

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

The unmanly, high-pitched squeak that tore out of Dipper’s throat was something he would later deny he ever let out. The nearby resting birds flew up into the air in a crying swarm as the boy jumped, spinning around to face the creature he’d not so long ago wracked his head over. “B-Bill, I, what?”

The demon grinned back at him, looking strangely cheery despite the deep, sleepless bags under his eyes. “Pine Tree, Pine Tree, Pine Tree. Finally, someone I could count on to be an obsessive nerd over just about, well, anything.” Bill strutted over to him, and the boy shivered under the piercing gaze, struggling to keep his heartbeat under control.

“B-Bill, uh, what are you doing here?”

“Coulda asked the same thing, but then again, can't really blame ya.” The demon moved away from him, and the lack of proximity helped Dipper calm down a bit, which he was pretty thankful for. Bill pat the statue fondly, before leaning on it with one arm, the ever-present grin still on his face. “So what got ya poking around my dead body?”

“Your-” Oh. Right. This was the body Bill had created for himself, wasn’t it? The one he left behind when he died. Gross.  

Bill scowled at Dipper’s silence, flicking his hat to the side. “Houston, we've got a problem, Pine Tree’s officially lost in the exosphere! What's with the blank look kid? Not gonna lie, kinda miss those times where it's a look of pure terror instead.” The demon leaned on the statue once again, his fingers tapping lightly against the stone. “So what's got those cockroaches in your head running around?”

“Why are you like this?” Dipper blurted.

Bill rolled his eyes. “Ha! If I had a negative twelve dollar bill every time somebody asked THAT I would have owed-”

“No! I mean why are you a person?” Was he a person? It was kinda hard to tell, considering that most of Bill consisted of nightmare fuel and dead baby jokes. And okay, asking outright wasn't really the best strategy, but what was the worst that could happen? Bill refusing to answer, spouting some nonsense?

Dipper missed the way Bill suddenly stiffened at the question, too busy running scenarios through his head. When the demon answered his voice was a lot less bombastic than before. “Why? Why are you?.”

Dipper blinked. “I- because I-”

“Exactly.” Wow okay.

Bill’s attention was now turned to the stone hat, which he tapped on absentmindedly. “Man, kinda miss the hat, not gonna lie.” The demon finally noticed Dipper’s stare. “What?” His hand left the statue as he folded his arms over his chest.

“You’re patting your own- you know what, nevermind. This isn’t the weirdest thing I’ve seen.”

Bill took a moment to look offended. Then he straightened up, no longer leaning on his statue, and strolled right past Dipper, not even bothering to glance back. “HAVE FUN WITH THAT, KID. And if you’re here too break it, good luck! I’ve tried already.”

The boy turned around to Bill’s retreating back, his train of thought once again disrupted. Why would Bill want to break his own statue?

“BY THE WAY!” The demon called out once again, his voice echoing from somewhere beyond the tree line, “16 °C to 18 °C, NO HIGHER THAN 24 °C, SEE YA!”

...What.

…

“Candy! What do you think?” Mabel held up a black and white flannel shirt.

“I think you should get yellow.” the girl answered, squinting at the apparel in thought. Somehow, through his sister’s amazing talent of conviction, Mabel had not only told her friends about the demon living in the Shack, but also convinced them that going clothes shopping for Bill Cipher was somehow a good idea. Dipper needed to know what mind controlling powers his twin possessed, because there was no other explanation to how come Candy and Grenda were not running away in terror from the creature that had destroyed their home town only a few months ago.

Speaking of which, where was Bill? The boy swallowed down the brief panic at the image of some poor store owner set on fire, and frantically searched for the subject of Mabel’s fashion spree.

He found Bill leaning over the counter, harassing the poor cashier girl manning the register. “So that’s why clothes made for human females have no pockets!”

The girl, who looked a few highlights away from being crowned queen of punk rock, stared at him open mouthed. “Holy shit. And here I thought it was for some horrible design choice or something. Joke’s on them, I’m sewing my own damn pockets.”

“Atta girl! Don’t let those corporate idiots control your consumerist needs! THROW THEIR OWN DISGUSTING MASTER PLAN BACK IN THEIR FACES.”

“Yeah!” the punk rock girl suddenly took out her purse, throwing it on the ground viciously. “Screw you, Coach, for making me buy your horribly overpriced purses!”

“Uh…” Dipper wondered what the probability of Bill somehow finding someone just as insane as him in a mall full of normal people was.

“Could have done without the dramatics, to be honest.” the boy jumped at the new, yet strangely familiar voice next to him. Dipper looked up to see a young, dark haired woman somewhere in her early twenties. She was staring at the scene before them with something between amusement and annoyance, and he couldn’t help but think he’s seen her somewhere before. The woman then looked at him, and the uncomfortable amount of perception in her gaze gave Dipper involuntary shivers. It was like she knew something he didn’t, something important, and was letting herself be slightly smug about it. The boy looked at the ground, searching his memory for where he’s seen her before, because the feeling of deja vu was not leaving him alone. Dipper turned back to ask-

The woman was gone.

That...okay that was seriously creepy. Even for him, and Dipper dealt with the supernatural on a daily basis.

“DIPPPERRRR! Where’s- oh. There he is.” The boy jumped as Mabel suddenly leapt at him from behind, yelling excitedly in his ear. Dipper rubbed his forehead as the girl rushed past him, capturing Bill’s arm and dragging him to one of the changing rooms, the demon expressing only slight protest at being manhandled. That was also weird, how easily Bill got along with Mabel now. Dipper decided to dismiss it as Mabel’s magnetic personality, and worry about other things instead. Like how to prevent all of them from wreaking the store.

...

“Soo, what do you think?” Mabel asked, watching Bill stare at himself in the mirror.

“Still a horribly limiting fleshsack.” the demon responded, fidgeting with the buttons of the bright yellow cardigan he was wearing. “This needs a bowtie.” he decided, and Mabel groaned behind him.

“No it doesn’t! Stop ruining my masterpieces with your awful fashion sense!” Bill had the nerve to look offended.

“It looks good.” Candy said thoughtfully from Mabel’s side, hand on her chin.

“TRIANGLE MAN IS FIXED NOW.” Genda whooped, patting his sister on the back.

“I was never-” Bill’s rant was cut off as the three girls shoved more clothing in his hands, pushing him toward the dressing room.

Dipper had to admit, he wasn’t feeling very sorry for tagging along after all. Watching Bill Cipher get manhandled by a bunch of teenage girls was hands down a highlight of the summer. A few customers gave them odd looks, and as Dipper spotted a few familiar faces, suddenly his mind was on something else completely. His paranoid, overly nervous brain took care to remind him of the one giant problem that was now arguing with his sister over ties.

While the Mystery Shack took the demon’s return relatively unscathed (scathed, but relatively un), the town would not be as okay about it. Or at all, to be honest. If any of the townsfolk found out Bill Cipher was not only back, but camping out in the Shack, it wouldn’t matter if Stan was the town hero or not. They would come running with torches and pitchforks, ready to get rid of that yellow menace for good.

And judging by how easily Mabel and her friends managed to subdue him, the demon wouldn’t even stand a chance.

Bill and Mabel were looking like they were about to tear apart the whole accessories section. Candy and Grenda weren’t much help, observing the argument at a safe distance, eating the stash of chocolate his sister had given them as a reunion gift. They weren’t the only spectators. Seems like security finally noticed the disturbance in their store. “Oh man,” He needed to get over there and prevent any further disaster from happening. And quick.

Dipper narrowly missed running into a coat rack, and ran as fast as he could to the source of the chaos: his sister, and the murderous entity they had somehow brought back from the dead.

“We’re not buying a bowtie for you, Bill!”

“You’re limiting my freedom of self expression. How’d ya like it if I burned all your sweaters, huh?”

“First off, leave my sweaters out of this! At least they’ve got a whole lot more pizzaz in them then you ever will!”

Bill’s eyes flashed dangerously, and Dipper would have been a heck of a lot more frightened by that if what he was angry about hadn’t been that ridiculous. “Shooting Star, do you have any idea who you’re talking to?”

“Someone with like no taste.”

There was a quiet -ooooh- from Grenda, and Dipper had a feeling that if he didn’t defuse the situation fast enough, the whole mall would probably go up in flames. “JUST LET HIM KEEP THE STUPID TIE AND LET’S GO.”

…

He collapsed onto the bench in exhaustion, watching as the group made their way to the food court, and rubbed his eyes, exhaustion creeping into his limbs. Dipper hadn’t even realized how little sleep he actually got, at least not until the caffeine he had consumed during breakfast had run out of his system. The sleepless nights were all Bill’s fault anyway. That stupid riddle, if it could be called that at all, would just not leave him alone. What turned out to be Dipper’s best effort to ignore something that seemed like just a jumble of nonsense had quickly turned into a burning curiosity because what if it somehow made sense. Probably not, because expecting Bill to give straight answers was like expecting a penguin to learn to fly. Yet there he was, trying to figure out a puzzle which probably had no answer in the first place.

“Mind if I join you?” Dipper jolted in his seat, earlier frustration momentarily forgotten. The woman he saw a few hours earlier, the one that mysteriously vanished, was now looming over him, something between amusement and awareness in her gaze. The boy spent a few more seconds picking his jaw up from the floor, swallowing thickly. “S-sure! I mean, I don’t mind? I mean-”

The woman laughed lightly, nothing mean spirited about it at all. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

She sat down, and Dipper shifted in his seat awkwardly, trying his best to avoid her gaze. “So, uh, what’s up?”

The lady smiled. She seemed to smile more with her eyes than her mouth, something the Pines twin found strikingly familiar. “Nothing much,” she glanced to the side, “Just came to visit an old friend, that’s all.” Her eyes were focused on something that completely escaped his vision, and Dipper was getting that itch, the tingly feeling in the back of his head that told him that he was dealing with something supernatural. The woman looked convincingly human, but the more he observed, the more he started to realize that something about her appearance was off. It was like watching someone put on a fancy suit, yet completely ignore all manners. Like the time Mabel tried to dress up as a mermaid for halloween, but the elastic fishtail she had shoved over her legs did nothing to disguise the fact that those were still legs under it.

It was like the stranger next to him was dressing up as a human, but didn’t necessarily know how to act like one.

“Friend huh?” The boy’s voice came out a bit too high. “Not from around here then?” Please tell me she’s an alien and I’m not just crazy.

“You’re not just crazy, Dipper.”

“Oh thanks I- what?” The boy scrambled back onto the edge of the bench, pressing himself against the potted plant next to it, the wide, bright green leaves blocking the edge of his vision. “How did you, are you a-?!”

“-Mind reader? No.” Then she winked, and Dipper had definitely seen that gesture before, not done with two eyes, but…seven.

“Jheselbraum?”

The woman winced slightly. “That’s actually not how you- nevermind.”

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, you, why are you- how are you-?”

“Why I am here is because your uncle requested I come. I believe he requires my help on something urgent, and I’m more than happy to comply.” She smiled, her gaze so calm that Dipper found himself relaxing a bit more. “As for my appearance, I doubt humanity would be thrilled in seeing an alien species walking down the street. Especially after what happened in this town last year.” Her tone darkened slightly. “So I asked for a small favor.”

“A favor.” he echoed, “So you’re not a shapeshifter?”

“Oh, of course not.” the woman sounded a bit indignant. “I’m an oracle.”

“Yeah, okay.” Dipper frowned, looking away. The thrill of meeting the extra dimensional being again was slowly fading, and the boy found the situation getting more awkward than anything else. “Wait, why would Grunkle Ford-?”

“Well, well, look who the frilly salamander dragged in.”

Bill’s voice cut through the crowd, as unpleasant and unwelcome as it usually was. Dipper watched as Jheselbraum’s expression instantly turned stone cold.

The two beings just stared each other for several seconds. The Oracle’s air was still unreadable, but harsh. Bill, for his part, still had that sarcastic smile pasted on his face. Dipper felt the tension in their little corner flare up, something unspoken once again rearing its ugly neck between these two. The twin was ready to excuse himself, and run as fast as he could toward his sister, where at least he wouldn’t feel like he was sitting on a ticking time bomb.

“So what happened, Seven-Eyes? I thought you were pretty clear on the whole ‘never wanna see your face again’ thing.”

“I never said that. Or anything like that, really.”

Bill looked away. “Nice makeover, by the way. What, did the giant pink know-it-all decide to curse you too?”

“I forgot how unpleasant your voice is.”

Bill stiffened, looking ready to fire back another retort. Just then, thankfully, Dipper’s sister chose to demonstrate her impeccable timing. “Hey guys! Why the heck are you all over- oh.” Mabel froze, standing dead still between Dipper and the two interdimensional beings that were busy having one of the most intense staring contests both twins had ever seen. Nora was the first to break it, turning to the newcomer with a sudden pleasant smile on her face. “Mabel, it’s nice to see you again.”

Dipper could visibly see the gears in the girl’s head turning. “Wait, hold on…” His sister squinted at the Oracle suspiciously, before something clicked, and her face split into a giant excited grin. “It’s about time you showed up! Grunkle Ford’s been getting reeeally paranoid, you know. ‘Cause of this jerk over here.” She pointed her thumb at Bill, who by some miracle remained silent throughout the exchange.

Jheselbraum raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been expecting me?”

“You promised to visit.”

“Oh, of course.”

“Wait,” Bill interjected loudly, “Why the heck are you-”

Nora cut him off. “I believe your friends are waiting for you two.”

Mabel and Dipper whirled around, spotting Candy and Grenda, who slowly made their way towards them, pushing aside shoppers and stepping on heeled toes. The two girls came to a stop in front of Mabel, both breathing heavily.

“Where did you go?” Candy asked, straightening her glasses. “We were looking all over for you and-”

“Oh my gosh guys you have to meet someone. This is-” Mabel turned around, gesturing at- empty space. Dipper blinked.

The Oracle was gone again.

“Alright, have to give credit for that disappearing act.” Bill muttered under his breath.

[carrot-cat17]

Bravery - Chapter 2

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

Seven Souls (and Sans) Chrono

Sans digs his hole a little deeper.

Read on AO3 here

~ ~ ~

This was wrong.

What had he gotten himself into!? Sans did his best to keep up the appearance that everything was fine, but for pete’s sake there was a human being walking next to him! He had just made friends with the enemy. Invited them to come further into the Underground. He should have left her there; gotten Greatest Dog or something. But she’d been so alone...Sans couldn’t pretend he didn’t know how that felt. And now that she knew how...how dust worked...there was no way she could be a threat.

But Asgore would want her.

No, not her. Her soul. Sans grinned at his new friend outwardly, but inside he was screaming.

Nothing about this was a good idea. Why couldn’t someone else have found her?

“hey, so...we’re getting close to town.”

“Town? There’s a town down here?”

“yeah, there’re actually quite a few. but this one’s called snowdin.”

“Oh...I’d always thought you guys just lived in burrows or...made nests or something…”

Sans couldn’t help but laugh. “we’re not dumb animals, kiddo. whaddya take me for, a squirrel? not that i’m afraid of heights or anything but i can’t really see myself living in a tree.”

“Sorry,” Jack laughed, blushing a little. “I...guess I don’t know much about monsters. I didn’t offend you, did I?” Jack was blushing now.

“nah, you’re fine. we’ve uh...been trapped down here for a long time. i wouldn’t expect you humans to have all the facts anymore.” Sans couldn’t help but frown a little. Odds were high that this kid’s perception of history was probably a bit different than his own.

He looked up at the trees around them. They were beginning to thin out; get a little smaller. They really were getting close. Sans was going to have to figure out what to do with this kid. They couldn’t just waltz into town...could they? Jack’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“Yeah, I guess so...we have a brief unit in our history courses in school, I guess, but mostly it just covers the war and...the barrier thing or whatever?”

“so you guys call it the barrier still, too, hunh?” Sans shot her a half-hearted smile. “eh, that makes sense i guess. kinda hard to write a history about a group that hasn’t been seen in, like, forever.”

Silence wedged itself between the two as they walked, broken only by the occasional chatter of the kid’s teeth. Finally, Jack spoke up.

“Sans?”

“mm?” he grunted. He could already tell where this was going by the tone of her voice.

“You...weren’t around when the Barrier was made...were you?”

Sans came to a halt. He knew where he had to take this conversation, but he didn’t want to.

“nope,” he finally answered. “‘m too young for that. that happened a long time ago. i don’t think there are many monsters left that were around at the time. i’ve heard of a few who were there. there’s an old tortoise that likes to tell stories to kids when he can remember them. but...i think that generation’s pretty much gone.”

“So you’ve...never seen the sun before?”

She just had to ask that question, didn’t she?

Sans chuckled sadly. “i’m afraid i haven’t, kiddo.”

Jack got quiet. Looked down at the ground.

“but hey...maybe...maybe someday i’ll get to, eh? king’s got a plan-”

“King?”

Here we go.

“uh...yeah. the king. king asgore. he, uh...he thinks he might know how to break the barrier. from our side, that is. but…”

“But maybe it’d be easier if it was broken from our side!” Jack exclaimed. I could go back up there and tell everyone that you guys are still down here! That we need to make amends! We could break the Barrier and let you all out!”

“well, yeah, that would probably be easier, but i dunno if anything can get back out once it’s gotten in.”

Should he tell her about the king’s angry decree? Most definitely yes. So why couldn’t Sans bring himself to say it? This girl was in more and more danger every minute she spent down here! But if the rumors were true, nothing could get out through that Barrier unless its soul was powerful enough. What the heck was he going to do now?

“hey i think i see the town up ahead,” he said, changing the subject. Perhaps he could give this a little more thought later. For now he needed to get her somewhere safe. “but, uh...we need to lay down some ground rules before we go in.”

Jack shivered a little again, but said nothing, looking at him expectantly.

“for one thing, let me do the talking, kay? i know the people in this town pretty well, and i also know some of them can be pretty nosy. but i’ll make sure we get what we need without too much hassle.”

“Why would they be nosy? Don’t you guys ever get visitors?”

“well, yeah, but not from the surface.” Sans said, trying not to grit his teeth. This was a horrible idea.

“so for another thing...basically i’m kinda thinking it would be wise of us to not bring attention to the fact that you’re a human for now.”

“Why? Wouldn’t people be excited?”

“well,” Sans tugged at the collar of his jacket for a moment. “no offense, but my history classes kinda taught me to fear humans. i don’t think you realise how powerful you are compared to us. even a kid as young as you can wipe out-”

Jack was looking a little uncomfortable.

“-uh, yeah...guess you kinda figured that one out on your own, hunh?” Whoops. “a-anyway, i just don’t think it would be a good idea to announce the arrival of a human to a bunch of people who grew up learning to be scared of them. so, um...actually! here!”

Sans stepped out of the slippers he forgot to change before heading out and took off his socks. He gave them a sniff and held them out to the human with a somewhat apologetic look.

“What?”

“put ‘em on.”

“Like, on my feet?”

Sans stepped back into his slippers. “nah, i was thinking more like over your ears or something.”

“EW! No way am I doing that! Those came off your feet!” Jack gave them a sniff and cringed. “When did you last wash these anyway!?”

Sans sighed. “look, kid, sorry, i was supposed to do laundry today. but-” should he tell her about Papyrus? Or would it be safer for everyone if no one knew about each other. Papyrus had a tendency to get a little...attached…to anyone he met. And besides, he was training to be in the Royal Guard; that could spell trouble. It would probably be safer for now if he didn’t.

“-i’m a bit of a lazybones. but i figure this is as a good a disguise as i can give you right now. there’s lots of bunnies in snowdin. you hang those socks from your bandana thing and you’ll...sorta look like a bunny.

Jack looked at the socks in her hand, eyebrows knitting together in a scowl. “Okay, fine. But I don't see how anyone is going to be fooled by a couple of socks.”

“you’d be surprised,” Sans replied, hoping he was right. Most everybody in Snowdin at least had never seen a human before. So maybe they could slip by without too many questions. Sans steeled himself and took the lead as they approached the first couple of buildings.

Unfortunately, it was evening. The snow-covered streets of the town were teeming with monsters, many on their way home from work.

Which reminded him. Dinner.

Sans palmed his skull. “awe man, i can’t believe i almost forgot! we gotta grab some things before we head home. remember: let me do all the talking, kay?”

The girl beside him nodded. It was only then that Sans realised how blue her lips had gotten.

“whoa, you okay? you look chilled to the bone!” Sans shrugged his jacket off while he inwardly chided himself for forgetting one of the most basic rules of etiquette. She’d been shivering the whole way into town! How could he have not registered that until now!?

“T-t-thanks, Sans. I-i-it’s a little cold here!”

“heh, well in case you haven't figured it out yet, i’m not the most observant person. next time just say something. i don’t want you freezing to death on my account!” Sans winked. “kay, get ready. we’re gonna duck in here for a minute,” he said, turning to open the door to Snowdin’s most popular shop.

“How the heck is this jacket so warm? You’ve got no skin or blood!”

“magic,” he quipped without looking back. “now shut up.” Now it was his turn to feel cold. Time to go inside.

“Haha, that’s a good one- you’re joking right? What’s the real answer?”

“for once, i’m not. now shh!” Sans pushed her inside and shut the cold out behind them.

“Hey y’all,” came the call from the back of the store. “Sans? My goodness, is that you?”

Across the room, leaning against the front of the checkout counter was a large rabbit with a droopy hat and even droopier eyes, dressed in nothing but a tank top and capris despite the perpetually cold weather outside. But then rabbits were pretty good at keeping warm. She pushed herself up and walked over to meet them, twirling a candy cane between her fingers.

“hey, petal. ‘s’good to see you. i need to get some stuff for dinner tonight.”

Jack was looking all around the store in awe. But thankfully she was staying quiet.

“And who’s your lovely friend, here?” The large rabbit asked.

“oh, more like a friend of a friend or something like that. she’s stayin’ with me for a bit while she passes through. she’s on her way to…to...the capital...to visit family.” Sans hoped and prayed he could pass this off.

“Well ain’t that just wonderful! What’s your name, sweetheart?”

Jack looked up at the bunny, a little caught off guard. She shot a quick glance at Sans for approval before clearing her throat. “Jack. My name is Jack, ma’am.”

Petal bent down to give her a hug and the candy cane. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, miss Jack. No, no, keep it, darlin’. It’s yours!” Then she turned to look at Sans. “So what do you need for tonight, honey?”

“y’know that veggie soup i used to make all the time? yeah that one. i need stuff for that tonight. o-oh and maybe a couple o’ cinnamon bunnies for after, too.”

“Sure thing!” she winked at him before disappearing into the back part of the store. Sans could feel the tension in his scapulae ease.

“That is one big bunny!” Jack piped up, inspecting a collection of surface-world keychains. “Hey, Texas! That’s where I’m from!” She picked up the keychain and twirled it a few times. “Where I come from, bunnies are small. Like, super small. And they don’t talk.”

“well, i imagine skeletons don’t either. ‘s a different world down here,” Sans replied, trying to peer into the doorway Petal and gone through. Before Jack could respond, the large bunny returned, a couple of sacks in her beefy arms.

“Here you are, honey. That everything for you tonight?”

“sure is, ma’am. thanks a ton!”

“That’ll be 50G, then.”

Sans handed the bags off to his companion and dug in his pants pocket for his wallet. He counted out the fee and ushered the kid out the door.

He turned to wave before following her out. “thanks again, petal. you’re the best.”

“Anytime, Sans,” Petal replied, returning to her spot in front of the counter. “And Sans?”

“yeah?”

“That poor girl doesn’t need your socks anywhere near her face.”

Sans laughed nervously. “she, uh...she insisted her ears were cold…”

Time to make his exit. He could hear Petal laughing as he closed the door behind him. Man, that cold air suddenly felt really refreshing!

“What’s wrong with you?” Jack asked, scrutinizing him.

“you can take the socks off if you want.”

She looked confused for a moment. Then she laughed.

“Thanks, Sans. I was starting to get a little light-headed there!”

“hey, c’mon, they’re not that bad, are they?” He grinned, taking the socks back.

“Let’s just say having these socks in my face is worse than getting socked in the face!” she winked.

Sans laughed. “good one, kid.”

~ ~ ~

They reached the house just as the last rays of light from above faded away.

“Wow, it sure gets dark down here…” Jack said in a small voice. “...and I thought it was dark before...”

Sans said nothing. He was too busy wondering how the heck he was going to explain coming home several hours late. And with a complete stranger. The whole way home, no one had screamed, “a human! A human!” which was a plus. But if word got out that Jack was a human, they’d both be in some serious trouble.

“okay, uh…so just so you know, my little brother lives with me. he’s pretty...um, he can be kinda weird at first. but i promise he’s cool.”

“You have a brother!? That’s awesome!” Jack’s eyes lit up. “I have one, too! Actually a couple! But they’re all older than me.” Her face fell a little. “...I’ll bet they’re beginning to wonder where I am…”

Sans shifted uncomfortably. He really needed to tell her the truth about Asgore. But he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. “i’m sure they are,” was all he could finally force out.

Suddenly, the front door flew open, flooding the front step with warm light.

“SANS! THERE YOU ARE! I WAS BEGINNING TO WONDER IF I SHOULD GO OUT AND LOOK FOR YO- WHO’S THIS?”

Welp. Too late to come up with any plans.

“hey paps, sorry, i...got a little sidetracked...this is jack. she’s just passing through. needs a place to stay for the night. ‘s’that okay?”

“YOU MADE A FRIEND!? SANS, YOU MADE A FRIEND! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU! GET IN HERE, BOTH OF YOU!” Papyrus whisked them inside.

“PLEASE, JACK, MAKE YOURSELF RIGHT AT HOME- OR, AT LEAST, THE PARTS OF HOME THAT DON’T BELONG TO ME OR SANS. OH GOODNESS, I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE CALLED, BROTHER; I COULD HAVE CLEANED UP A LITTLE! I HAD NO IDEA WE WERE HAVING A GUEST!”

“the place looks fine, papyrus. heh. any cleaner and you probably wouldn’t let me in!”

“THAT’S JUST THE SORT OF THING YOU WOULD SAY...IT’S A PIGSTY IN HERE! AND I COULD HAVE SHOWN OFF MY AMAZING CULINARY SKILLS-”

“-that! won’t be necessary,” Sans butted in before Papyrus had the chance to get any dangerous ideas. “i got the stuff. so we can have our soup. remember?” He cast a sidelong glance at the kid. She look slightly bewildered, but amused. That was usually about average for meeting Papyrus the first time.

“OH. RIGHT. WELL, JACK, YOU WILL SIMPLY HAVE TO SEE IF YOU CAN STAY ANOTHER NIGHT. THEN YOU CAN TRY MY FAMOUS SPAGHETTI!”

“That sounds wonderful!” Jack replied, looking to Sans for guidance as Papyrus took her hand in both of his and vigorously shook it. Sans smiled and shrugged. If she stayed long enough, she’d learn sooner than later.

“welp, i’m gonna make this soup, kay? if you wanted, paps, you could take this opportunity to clean up the house some.”

“AN EXCELLENT IDEA, BROTHER! THE GREAT PAPYRUS SHALL DO JUST THAT!”

Papyrus ran off to the broom closet. Sans jerked his head in the direction of the kitchen. “c’mon. we’ve got some soup to make.”

They headed into the kitchen, the sounds of Papyrus singing at the top of his metaphorical lungs blasting from around corner. The vacuum did little to drown him out.

“so whaddya think of my bro?” he asked as he began taking ingredients out of the sacks. “oh, hey; do you wanna grab me a pot from under the sink? thanks.”

“He’s...interesting, to say the least…” Jack replied, coming over with a dented stock pot. “-Wow, your sink is tall! -I like him, though. He seems very confident.”

“yeah, if there was ever a word to describe paps, it would probably be ‘confident.’” Sans chuckled. “i’m pretty proud of how he turned out. i know of no one who’s braver and kinder than he is. heh. he hasn’t got a bad bone in his body! hand me those carrots, will ya?”

Jack laughed and obliged.

“Has he always been like this?” she asked. Sans gave her a knife and an onion.

“for the most part, yeah. hey, can you stir while i add this stuff?” he replied, peeling a potato. “he used to be pretty self-conscious. honestly i think he still is; he’s just gotten really good at hiding it. he always wants to make everyone happy, y’know?”

“That reminds me of Louis - he’s the one closest to my age,” Jack’s eyes fell a little, a wistful smile pulling halfheartedly at the corners of her mouth. “He’s never had too many close friends, but that’s all he’s ever wanted. He just wants to be liked by everyone. He’s the nicest person I know…”

The stirring stopped. She stared at the floor.

Sans put down his potato. “hey, c’mon, it’s alright. i’m...i’m sure you’ll see him again. heh. and in the meantime, you can share papyrus with me, if you want!” he winked. Jack laughed a little at that.

“Yeah...that sounds good,” she smiled at him and resumed her stirring. “You know what would go really good in this soup? A little bit of green chili.”

“i’ll bet you’re right, kiddo. too bad i don’t have any...or...know what that is!”

They both laughed. this kid wasn’t bad at all. Nothing like the history books made her out to be. Sans could feel the chains growing heavier as they laughed. He was going to have to tell her the truth eventually. But for now?

Eh, no reason to ruin a good moment, right?

[thelandscapingemployeetrap]

Business Bourbon and Bullshit - Conversation with Bobby Walker and Michael Dahlke

Bobby Walker, Founder of TRT Pressure Washing & Window Cleaning, from being a corporate guy to a businessman who also has his own podcast and youtube channel to help new entrepreneurs how to start their business in the right way and not the bitchy way. From his first investment of a couple of hundred bucks, his business got a whopping six figures of revenue and of course growing. In return, he started his podcast Journey of a New Entrepreneur and his YouTube with his mission to discuss the issues that affect each minute of life while chasing dreams.

  Michael Dahlke is an Entrepreneur, Investor, Coach since 2016 but he’s been a CEO for almost 7 years of Eide Scott, Inc and was the President of ASP Screening, LLC for almost 3 years. Now he is focusing on both coaching and deploying growth capital to investors on how to execute on their biggest and best opportunities and helping distressed companies navigate large one time, but solvable problems with leadership, strategy, and capital.

  Please listen to these two great guys on how they strategize and hit their target revenue per year. Learn how these two BBB masterminds tackle their approach and tactics on how to run a business. 

  “And I think that a lot of people make the mistake of saying I want to have a $10 million business when what they really want is a $700,000 business with a great lifestyle.  And there's nothing wrong with that either. So understanding what the end goal is important”. - Michael Dahlke 

  “So I'm cutting out 3% of my company's revenue, but the reason I'm doing it is so I could raise our businesses, our technicians’ efficiency on the day and actually get more revenue done each day and ultimately make more money. Yeah, so yeah, we're cutting out a little bit of revenue that we're getting, but it's going to free us up to do more of that good stuff that allows our technicians to make that higher hourly rate.” - Bobby Walker 

Topics Covered:

  4:47 - Bobby shares his 15-second story of how he started, oh, it went beyond. But who cares? This guy’s motivation is so inspiring. Who could resist? 

13:35 - A recurring revenue model is a business model where the revenue is predictable, stable, and likely to continue in the future. 

15:18 - Upselling a strategy that you could add to your list. Don’t be shy to suggest to your customers, have them realize the benefit of getting an added value and what that will do for them. Emphasize this. What in it for them?? Then you upsell. 

17:48 - Fright hinders your ability to move forward. Remove that fear and have the courage to step up. You will not grow if you’re just sitting in your comfort zone. Move out from that box and start building yourself.

19:13 - Another strategy that you could get into your list is, don’t hesitate to get people to work for you. Instead of thinking of how do you grow your business, think of “who” could help you grow your business. And we are talking about the people. Your EMPLOYEES. Who could do the job for you. Business is not a one-man island, my friend. You should get someone to do things for you because you can’t do it all alone. 

21:16 - Yes. Risk is a major issue for entrepreneurs. The risk that is developing fear. Fear of different things. Even they were able to reach the top game, these two awesome men still have fears. But, as investors and entrepreneurs, you gotta pull out the fear and be consistent about it. Risk is always there. It will always be there. 

  Connect with Bobby walker :

LinkedIn

Facebook

YouTube

Podcast

  Connect with Michael Dahlke:

LinkedIn

Key Takeaways

  “I want to just explain what not being a bitches and what the no bitch zone is about. A bitch is not someone that whines because I'm not a bitch and I whine sometimes. A bitch is not someone that gets kicked and feels down and because we all do when I say bitch, the definition of the bitch in the no bitch zone is someone that doesn't pursue their goals because of what other people may say Think or Do, including themselves or someone that blames other people for their failures or lack of success. So I think that one of the biggest keys to personal growth and development is being honest when you look in the mirror, and if you're fat, don't say, I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. say, No, I'm fat. And then I can actually come up with a good strategy to do it. So don't be a bitch. Don't blame others for your failures. Don't let others discourage you, or your own fear discourage you from pursuing it. Don't be a bitch, pursue your dreams.”  - Bobby Walker 

   “The technician that's running the business, the technician is running, it thinks that quality needs to be a 10 out of 10. And that's why he feels that he's the one that needs to do it. And the fact is, the customer is probably like a static and thrilled with a seven out of 10, or an eight out of 10. And you can hire people that can do that eight out of 10. And the customer doesn't even know the difference. They're just as happy with that eight as they are with a 10. You gave them the value that they wanted, they gave you the value that you wanted, which was the money and there was a fair exchange there.” - Bobby Walker 

“The concept for the people who are listening is that if you're out there, working your butt off right now, and you've got a full cup, your glass is completely full, and you go to a convention, or you read this book, or you listen to this podcast, and your glass is full, and you go to put stuff in there, it's just not gonna fit, you're just gonna go right over the top, and it's gonna overflow. But if you can dump a little bit out, then you can put some more in. So the concept is that if we can eliminate some stuff that we're doing from our business or our lives, we can eliminate some of the delegate some of those stuff, it'll free up some time, so that we can input the new things that we want to try the new idea that getting off the truck, the doing the marketing plan, the systematizing, the business, all that sort of stuff, but if we don't dump out that cup of little, there's no room in our life state. Do anything different.” - Michael Dahlke 

  “There's no substitute for the hard work and the rugged individualists that goes out there and fires from dusk to dawn. And does that to get ahead like there is something to be said that after you've gotten an established business, and I don't mean a $5 million business, but I mean, you've got some revenue coming in, you're paying your bills, you're doing the stuff after that. My words of wisdom would be to start thinking about systematizing the business and thinking about how to recruit and get really good at business So get good at business. Don't be just good at lawncare window cleaning, that sort of thing. The people who are gonna win if their goal is to grow is to get good at business.” - Michael Dahlke  

  The Transcript

  Intro  0:02  

Welcome to the untrapped podcast where we're motivated and inspired about success, small business, and personal development. And now Keith Kalfas.

  Keith Kalfas  0:15  

Guys, if you need help, being more organized, and being perceived as a professional to your clients and prospective customers, then you get to checkout Jobber. Jobber is an awesome software that you can run your entire service business on. You can create invoices, quotes, estimates, work orders, integrates with your calendar, you can collect money, you can run your whole business on Jobber, and grow with it as well. Get your 14 days free trial of Jobbber at keithkalfas.com/jobber. I use Jobber in my business and it's awesome.

  Intro  0:53  

The interview portion of today's program is coming up next here on The Untrapped Podcast.

  Keith Kalfas  1:01  

What's up, guys? This is Keith Kalfas with The Untrapped Podcast. And dude, we've got an awesome show for you right now. We're in downtown Nashville, Tennessee right now at the Business Bourbon and Bullshit. The BBB private mastermind group with Bobby Walker from Journey of a New Entrepreneur, Michael Dahlke, which is the financial mastermind, multiple business serial entrepreneur. And this is going to be a great show. If you're looking for some transformational transcendent breakthroughs in your life in your business and just to be led down a path that could open up a whole bunch of new opportunities. This is the show you want to tune out of any other distractions that are going on and tune in to this. Even if you can't listen to the whole thing right now. Come back and listen to this later because I'm in a room right now. This is dope, sweet room. Dude. There's a lion's head in front of me an invisible bookshelf that you could press and go to a secret room in this place called

  Bobby Walker  1:55  

That you can't take photos in.

  Keith Kalfas  1:56  

You can't take photos in...

  Bobby Walker  1:58  

Yeah.

Keith Kalfas  1:58  

Oh, we can't?

  Bobby Walker  1:59  

Not in that room. In this room, you can

  Keith Kalfas  2:01  

Oh, dude. What's up? Okay, so I'm gonna do something special here. Right sitting across from me is Michael Dahlke. And I first heard about this guy and Joshua Latimer interviewed him. And they're like, this guy's just millions of dollars buying and selling businesses and I watched the interview and Michael Dahlke is just a normal dude. I met him at  AGS Conquer. When I met Bobby Walker a few years ago. It's just a live event where people get breakthroughs in their businesses and Michael Dahlke I was a little nervous. I'm like, "Bro, you're that Michael Dahlke guy, that financial guru. You're so cool." And Michael looked at me and he's, he's like, "Bro, Keith Kalfas I watched your videos, man. I love that one video" and I was like, "Michael Dahlke, he knows who I am?"

  2:42

 Because being in the position of a guy that's, you know, started his business and hasn't crossed the million-dollar mark. We look to guys like that, who have figured it out. And they have mentors of their own. I'm sure like Michael has mentors of his own, but we looked at people like that. Then I met Bobby Walker. Here's another guy and he'll tell his story briefly. You can Go to Journey of a New Entrepreneur Podcast. But he was a guy who is in a corporate job and literally lost a job overnight when it started a window cleaning business and now he plans on doing about a million bucks this year. I don't know in spite of the Coronavirus thing but you've built a multiple six-figure is a seven.

  Bobby Walker  3:18  

No. I don't have a million-dollar business probably won't this year. I was ahead of pace. I thought I was gonna crush it and we're pretty far behind. It's unlikely, not impossible. That will hit a million but, I wouldn't bet the money on it this year.

  Keith Kalfas  3:32  

Okay, and the interesting thing about Bobby has this no bitches zone. Like literally this morning. I got into my hotel in Nashville because I live in Detroit at three o'clock in the morning to get any sleep. I was a little frustrated and I texted a little excuse on boxer to Bobby, like, "Hey, I'm gonna be late because I didn't get any sleep." And he literally texted me back. You're a bitch. And I got angry on my f** came with like this little thing. And I'm like, No, I like that. I like that because I am being a bitch right now in any type of excuse for being a bitch. So I'm going to do something special here since I only got two mics and I want to turn it over Bobby Walker, man, you're f** awesome.

4:11

Thank you so much for what you're doing and like you're helping a lot of guys out in the industry start and go through that entrepreneurial journey. And then we have Michael Dahlke here. So I'm gonna hand over the microphone to Mike and Bobby. And then they're gonna talk and conversate about what's going on at this Private Mastermind Group called Business Bourbon and Bullshit, and talk about some of the frameworks that you need to think through to get your business to the next level. And a lot of it revolves around just don't be a bitch, but there's also not just not being a bitch, because you could go work yourself to death and that gets you anywhere. It's about having a strategy. So Michael Dahlke, here you go.

  Bobby shares his 15-second story of how he started, and oh, it went beyond. But who cares? This guy’s motivation is so inspiring. Who could resist? 

  Bobby Walker  4:47  

Well, Keith gets the mic over. On Mike. I'll just share my, the 15-second version of my story and Keith, thank you for having us on man. And Keith. I don't know I'm not getting audio in my ears, but that's fine with me. I just want to make sure that's not messing up. I want to make sure you're getting an input here from my audio, but, uh, wow, I can hear it now. Yeah. So actually, if you can turn me down a little bit though, my 15-second story is this I was sick of my corporate career, I was looking for a service business that I could start on the side and eventually make it my main gig. As a result, I was searching YouTube for ideas. I stumbled across a video that Keith did of saying, "Here's how you can start a window cleaning business with no money." He walks into Home Depot and says "Buy these things". It was about 50 bucks. And then he walked out front and said "Charge this much for this kind of Windows. So there you go. You just started a window cleaning company for no money." About three hours later, I found out I was losing my job. I got a phone call, telling me that's losing my job.

  5:46

 So I literally the next morning, I drove to Home Depot with my son. We pulled that video up on my phone. And we bought two of everything because my son who was a senior in high school wanted to do this with his dad. And you know, and you're number one we did about 100 I can't remember 120 130 in revenue, your number two we did like 300. And I think I'm rounding up to 350. And then at the end of year three, we had done a total of a million dollars in our first three years window cleaning and pressure washing. And as Keith said, I had a goal of a million dollars this year, which is your number four, we came out of the gates just rocking and rolling and then honestly Corona's impacted us quite a bit.

6:22

You know, we had to scale back a little bit with employees, but we're I think we're kind of back on trending up and as I'm saying all this I'm looking at Mike next to me here who hasn't said a word yet but Mike, I found him again through Josh Latimer and Mike has become a business partner of mine he's invested in my business and he's helping guide me You know, I think I kind of hit the ceiling of my natural talent or he said you know, you can only use the Don't be a bitch thing so much you know, effort only gets you so far and I bought brought Mike and help with some strategy and thinking that we can build something really big and beautiful here and so that's who I am. I said 15 seconds as two minutes, which is still probably really good for me. But yeah, you got Mike Dahlke here. So, what's up, Mike?

Mike Dahlke  7:01  

First of all, thanks, Keith, for having me and allowing me to add value and be useful. It's been really, really cool to see it and spend time with you and get to know you. You know, Bobby, you say that and I think the part that most people don't know and I'd love for you to share is the part where you, we could talk about Business, Bourbon, and Bullshit, but the part that you were not growing anymore, you kind of gotten a low and you had a phone call with a very special mentor. Who didn't say don't be a bitch, no bitch zone but he said something very similar. And then you want to tell them real quick. I think it's really good.

  Bobby Walker elaborates how his mentor (Josh Latimer) helped him on some business strategies and made him realize some pointers for business 

  Bobby Walker   7:33  

Okay, so if we're playing the Josh Latimer drinking game, I think it's time for everyone to take their third or fourth shot. But so, if you're listening to Keith's podcast, you probably know who Josh is because I know Keith talks to him a lot. He talks about him a lot. And Josh is someone I had found I was listening to his podcast and I'd reached out to him and Josh had been kind of mentoring me a little bit, you know, give me a tip here and there as much as he could. And I did. I came out of the gates doing really good at the very beginning of our business the first two or three months, and then, I don't know, month four, so we just hit a wall. And we did virtually no revenue. I think we did $2800 in revenue in the month of June of my first year, which I used to have a salary and bonus structure I was making close to 150 a year, so $2800 even if there's no expenses, isn't cutting it you know, and so I'm stressed, I'm scared, I'm panicking. I sent Josh a message.

 8:26  

And he's like, give me your phone number. I'm just gonna call you real quick. Get on the phone. And I already told you the position I was in. So instead of telling you the whole story, here's basically what Josh said is now my words, not his, but it's what I heard. Even though it's not the words he said, "Listen, bitch. If you're not cleaning something, you need to be handing out flyers. If you're not handing out flyers, it can only be because you're cleaning something and if you're doing anything else, you're kidding yourself and you're lying to yourself that you're trying to grow your business. Those are the only two things that matter right now." He gave me a little strategy behind it, but he basically said, "If you're not doing flyers or door-knocking when you're not cleaning, never call me again." And I didn't even need him to say the last part because I was desperate. And I'm like, this guy knows what he's talking about. And that's what we did. And then our company just, honestly, just, we never looked back. You know, we went from $2800 to, I think three months later, we were doing $30,000 in revenue, and then we've continued to climb. So

  Michael Dahlke  9:23

Yeah, did he say something along the lines of don't come home? At the end of the day? Like, Don't go Don't come home at one like you still have to work like, a full day?

  Bobby Walker    9:31  

Yeah, yeah. Yes, he did. I was trying.  I talk a lot, Mike. I was trying to keep it short. But I think I got the gist. But yeah, and I think maybe the point you're trying to get is there's two things. There's hard work. But then there's key said it's the strategy too, you know, and we've got to be it's not just working hard, but working hard on the right things.

  Michael Dahlke  9:50  

Yeah, absolutely. And when I hear that story, when I think about the people who are just getting started, I think about the hundreds of thousands of flyers that nobody knows that we put outgrowing our business from 60,000 to over 3 million it the there is a certain amount of rugged individualism that you need when you get started. Yeah that you just gotta work. There's no other option other than just do the work. And part of what Business Bourbon and Bullshit is, is that after you've hit a certain level of just working and putting out those flyers and doing all those things you get in the habit of being a rugged individualist and going out there and just putting out flyers and doing the thing, and you hit that second wall and you go, "Well, why am I stuck now?" And that's where we have this event where it really it's about getting out of some of those individualist habits, working on the business but also working on your own mentality. So when you think about what we did today, what some of the key takeaways is you've got,

  Bobby Walker    10:49  

Well for me now I've been to BBB for I've been coming for multiple events. This is probably my fifth or sixth one that I've been to so not just a snapshot of today. But just the general idea and the best takeaway that I get from it, aside from the networking because just being a part of a group of great guys is there's value in that is the strategy of not planning for three years down the road or planning. I'm not saying setting goals there's no setting a goal and planning Okay? 

11:21

We have a three year goal you know, we have a 10 year goal or whatever but planning for a quarter at a time we start the year we say here's what I want the end of the year to look like and then the very first BBB is all about what do we got to do in quarter one to be prepared for quarter two to be prepared for quarter three so on and so forth to hit that goal and that's made a huge difference for me because I wasn't doing that before I got involved with you and met you and I think there's just psychology behind it to the fact that we just as humans have a hard time we have a hard time looking a year from you know, we can look at it but I think we get fatigued you know we get fatigued trying to make work that plan so if I can just get three months into my plan is good and that's what I love about this event is that, It helps me do that, you know, helps me identify the things I need to fix. And then a short time to do.

  Michael Dahlke 12:05  

Yeah, you know, Kaplan, Michael Kaplan, who you know, and its partners say, "I don't know color those guys is going to be a year from now. I don't. How can I think that far ahead? Yeah, I have to have the goals. But as far as when I can move my feet and take action and make real progress. After 90 days, I can't tell you if there's gonna be a Coronavirus or if someone's gonna fly planes into the Twin Towers. Yeah. So I'm gonna come up with my 90-day plan, and I'm gonna work my tail off on 90 days, and then I'm gonna wake up and go, Wow, I got further than I ever thought I would. Let's do it again. Let's push a little bit harder."

  Bobby Walker 12:34  

Yeah.  Mike, you know what? You're pretty cool guy when we're recording stuff. Normally, you're, you're not as cool. I don't know.

  Michael Dahlke 12:40  

 I kind of typically refer to me as Rain Man, which means I have no Social Skills whatsoever. So I appreciate that Bud.

  Bobby Walker  12:46  

So for everyone listening, Mike and I become really good friends. We came, I would say we became buddies and then became business partners, and we'd become good friends, and we're definitely different personality types. But I think that's kind of what makes a great marriage. You know, as I've gotten stuff, some of the stuff you like, and you got a lot of the stuff I like, but I love busting your balls. So

  Michael Dahlke 13:06  

Yeah, appreciate that. So when you think about the people that are listening to this podcast here, when you think about the $10,000 idea, so one of the concepts that we bring to the mastermind is that everyone who comes has to be a giver, not a taker? You have to generously give. And at a typical event, and this is not a knock on large events, typical event, you have a lot of people in one speaker and that one speaker gives and then a lot of people take that information here, everyone has to give, everyone has to give a $10,000 idea. It's tried and true. And he said, if you implement it, you will make $10,000 in your business. So when you think about the last, I don't know, two years, three years of coming. If you think about the $10,000 ideas that you've implemented, what's one or two that’s useful to someone who listens to the podcast?

  A recurring revenue model is a business model where the revenue is predictable, stable, and likely to continue in the future.  

  Bobby Walker 13:55  

The number, hands down, the number one for me was doing a Recurring revenue model with some window cleaning. Our business is mostly pressure washing at this point. But last year was my first year coming. And it was January of 2019 that I came and someone shared that idea. They basically just shared a strategy that they use to get people on quarterly window cleaning accounts, which I was not having success at all with. And I implemented it. And truth be told, I didn't execute the best I did execute on it, but not as good as I could have. But when I hit January, one of 2020, I can't remember the exact number, I think, but I think we had like $55,000 of revenue on the books that were just from those quarterly window cleaning accounts that I sold. God knows how long ago and didn't have to do any other work for other than just go out and clean them. So that was just something that I showed up. There was you know, one of the attendees. He had a little paper with him to say like, "here's how I do it." I took it home, made a little modification for my business and boom, we were off and running.

  Michael Dahlke    14:51  

And how much are you doing quarterly Recurring service right now? An annual basis?

  Bobby Walker  14:56  

 I don't know the answer to that right now, Mike.

  Michael Dahlke  14:58

But it's enough? Way more than $10,000?

  Bobby Walker 15:00

Way more than 10 passes. Yeah, I'm embarrassed to tell you I don't. I'm changing CRM, so it's easier for me to keep. That's my excuse. That's my bitch excuse.

  Michael Dahlke 15:09  

Fair enough. You know, there's been so many good $10,000 ideas, think about 30 people coming and sharing

  Bobby Walker  15:14  

You can't implement them all, you know, yeah. And they don't all apply.

  Michael Dahlke 15:18

But you know the one that's my favorite and we've implemented it but we probably haven't done as good a job as we could have. We've implemented a lot of them is one of the guys from New Jersey. He had said he knows when you're up and cleaning a roof and you've got that pipe comes out. And there's a little rubber thing that goes around the pipe and it gets worn out. Take this new rubber thing that cost like 10 bucks and put it over the top and caulk it down. Yeah, and charge $75 or

  Upselling a strategy that you could add to your list. Don’t be shy to suggest to your customers, have them realize the benefit of getting an added value and what that will do for them. Emphasize this. What in it for them?? Then you upsell. 

  Bobby Walker  15:43  

I think he's I think he charges 200

  Michael Dahlke 15:45  

It's like $150 to put the $7 ring over the pipe and do it. I said people were doing it all the time. Like no one wants to get up on the roof and there's fear and there's this and his upsells were through the roof. And that same guy today talked about how he was training his technicians to do upsells. And from a just a practical standpoint, even if it's you as the only technician when you're out there in you've got a $600 job today. And that's all you got on the schedule, and you can get another $200. Holy cow!

  Bobby Walker   16:14

That's huge. Yeah, yeah.

Michael Dahlke  16:15  

Over the course of the year.  That's, that's an extra 50 grand.

  Bobby Walker  16:19  

Yeah. And that's why I love, love this event. I participate in a lot of events, you know, and when I say a lot if you take BBB I probably participate like three others during the year, so I participate in what I think is a lot of events. But the big difference here, and this doesn't, I want to be real clear. The ones I participate in, I do it because they're great events. But what I like about this one is we because you got people that are bringing the ideas and they have to be a giver in it. If you have a different like, quality or standard of person that's here, and then naturally that makes the receiving part that much better because we have a room instead of having that one guy that's given. We literally have 31 guys that are doing it, you know.  So it's good stuff. Let me ask you a question. I want to ask you a question for this audience unless you want to go further on this particular topic.

  Michael Dahlke17:08  

Go for it.

  Bobby Walker  17:09  

What do you see, you know, because you talk to a lot of business owners and people that are struggling and help people turn their businesses around, let's say, someone's not the new guy. Because we kind of know everyone kind of knows the strategy to win when you're starting grassroots. You bust your ass, you get in front of a lot of people every day, even if you're bad at sales, you'll have some success, you know if you're working hard enough, and you can get better in the strategy, but let's say if we're talking about, I don't know, lawn care as well, but you know, the window cleaning kind of thing like a company gets to that 3- $400,000 range annually, they tend to hit a ceiling there. What's the problem? Because you were talking about it like that's where BBB is kind of the solution? What do you guys need to be looking at that they're doing wrong when they start hitting that ceiling?

  Michael Dahlke 17:48

So you know, a lot of things could be doing wrong at that spot. But the two mindsets that we talked about a lot of BBB. It's one of the things that we talked about every single time. The two mindsets are, the first is always have courage instead of thinking about where you're at today have the courage to do the next thing. I've been very fortunate to have gotten connected to the Strategic Coach and listen to other podcasts and they say courage over comfort and the other one that they talked. So first of all courage over comfort. So the guy that's there, he's got a, he's got, he's kind of in cashflow purgatory. So he can't get to the--

  Fright hinders your ability to move forward. Remove that fear and have the courage to step up. You will not grow if you’re just sitting in your comfort zone. Move out from that box and start building yourself

  Bobby Walker   18:22

What do you mean by that just in case someone doesn't understand?

  Michael Dahlke 18:24  

Yeah, so someone's out there. And when you're the guy doing the work in the field, you've you're making money because you're doing the labor in the field. And then you hire somebody, and you're marketing and you're doing these things, and all of a sudden, you're not in the field anymore. So you lose the cash flow to yourself, personally, that you were making as the lead technician. And now you're in the office and you maybe have an office person and you have some overhead and you have you want to take you to know, $50,000 home to your family and you're not doing the work. So you're taking all of the profits. Well now you have to reinvest back into your business, and you're like, Where am I gonna get that money? Yep. So I'm in cut. You're in capsule purgatory. You don't have enough to invest. But you also need to be able to pay your family and do those things.

  Bobby Walker  18:25  

I've been there for about a year.

  Michael Dahlke 19:06

Yeah,  it's really a special place that you want to get out of as fast as you frickin can.

Bobby Walker 19:11

 I wouldn't call it special.

  Michael Dahlke 19:13  

Yeah, so it happens at various different levels. And I don't know, lawn care as much as I know, window cleaning, but there's a couple of levels where you hit it, and we hit it up blue skies, even when we were in the million-dollar ransom, we were adding leaders to the program does the same thing. So having the courage to either make the financial investment or make the investment of time to go at it really hard again, because you've gotten 400,000 You don't have to get on the ladder anymore. Maybe you're off the truck and you’re going, "Ah, that's really good". But to get to the next level, you still got to give something up and have the courage to do it.

   Another strategy that you could get into your list is, don’t hesitate to get people to work for you. Instead of thinking of how do you grow your business, think of “who” could help you grow your business. And we are talking about the people. Your EMPLOYEES. Who could do the job for you. Business is not a one-man island my friend. You should get someone to do things for you because you can��t do it all alone. 

19:43 

The second one that we talked about that's also stolen from the Strategic Coach is borrowed. I don't know if I should say but is, “to think who, not how.” And that concept, changed my life in my business because whenever I had a goal, there's watching Dan Sullivan talk about this and he'd say Your goal is to get to $3 million. The first thought you have as an entrepreneur is how do I do that? And or you say, hey, I need to do you know, I need to get into lawn care. How do I do that? That's the first thought naturally. And where he blew my mind was when he said, “You need to think who can help me do that. And I need to focus on what I'm the best at and what I'm uniquely gifted.” I think I'm going to this fastball. I'm gonna throw this fastball all the time. I'm not also the home run hitter. So I need to get somebody on the team that I can collaborate with that I can think about that. So when you're in that, and you're looking to get off, and you got to have some risk tolerance didn't either make the financial investment or whatnot. But you also got to start thinking about the team. And who can answer the phone for me, who can buy, or who can, who do I need to lead the team, who do I need to do these things, and you start needing to free up your time by finding the right person and the right people to be on the team.

Bobby Walker   20:53  

I don't know if we need to go deep on this. But just as we're talking about, you know, the who the people I talked to tend to have one of two issues. When it comes to finding the who one of them is, I can do it better myself. And then I think the other one is just fear. Like, what if I can't provide for that person? Is that the typical what you see with people that struggle with adding people at that point?

  Michael Dahlke   21:14  

I do. What about for you? What will be the one for you?

  Bobby Walker   21:16  

For me what my personal issue was because I couldn't wait to get other people to do it. I was terrified that I was gonna bring someone on and then not be able to provide for them and ruin their lives. You know, that was kind of my fear which looking back at it now and I don't have a ton of employees today but that's kind of comical today to look back on. But that was a real fear for me, you know, at the time

Yes. Risk is a major issue for entrepreneurs. The risk that is developing fear. Fear of different things. Even they were able to reach the top game, these two awesome men still have fears. But, as investors and entrepreneurs, you gotta pull out the fear and be consistent about it. Risk is always there. It will always be there. 

  Michael Dahlke  21:35  

Yeah. Joshua Latimer drinking game, so take your shot, but one of the things that he said at the AGS ex event or a just live that Keith was at that we were all sitting down and talking about his he said, "For a tree to go up, the seed first has to go down." And when he said that, I mean he’s a brilliant presenter, like I wish I was YouTube. I YouTubed in the last like our video, but he was talking about if you want to grow and you to expand if you first your bank account has to go down before it goes back up. And the concept of investing in the same way, if you put money into an investment in your bank account went down, but you're hoping it goes back up. And so for me, the fear was always that I wasn't gonna get the money back, that I was gonna lose the money. And I had to come to my wife and say, “You know, I invest in $20,000 into this thing, and we lost it all.” And, you know, I was always so afraid to lose the money. And as the money became less important, and focus more on the people and things like that, it was a lot easier to make those investments like we've made in you and not worry about it, it goes down, some of them are gonna go up somewhere, but that is I hope so. At some point here, right? No, but that would that would be for me, the fear of not providing but also the fear of just the loss was really hard for me.

Bobby Walker  22:48  

What do you? So, I'll say this, the solution to the two issues we were just talking about, which are similar mine's fear of you know, losing a person, yours fear of losing cash, you know, but like it was, and I think the solution As you just get over and do it, you just got to do it except that's how the world works You know? And sometimes you fail. What do you say to the people that say no one can do it as good as me?

  Michael Dahlke   23:09  

Well, first of all to your first point about just do it like that's a pretty standard no bitch sound type of comment, so, Way to be consistent.

Bobby Walker  23:15  

Thank you and disagree.

  Michael Dahlke   23:19  

To the person who says nobody can do it as good as me, I say you're absolutely right. I guarantee you. You're right on some things like there is some things that you can do that's better than anybody else. But that doesn't mean you should do it.

  Bobby Walker  23:31  

That can't like I disagree with you so much.

  Michael Dahlke  23:34  

Okay, well, here. Tell me what you think.

  Bobby Walker  23:35  

Mine is. Like, who do you think you are? You think that you're the world's best mower? No, you're not. There are other people out there that are better than you and they'll do it for less. So go hire that mower, man.

  Michael Dahlke  23:46  

No, I'm the world's best mower. Didn't you notice?

  Bobby Walker  23:49  

You've got a valid point. I think we both have valid points, but I get what you're saying is Yeah, you are maybe, you are the best one but just because you are doesn't mean they should be the one doing it. Yeah.

  Michael Dahlke   24:00  

Well here's an example and we've talked about this in BB and I'll go two ways with it. But I am the world's best mower and I haven't mowed my lawn in two years, right? My lawn is immaculate and it looks beautiful and Carlos is freakin phenomenal and he tells me what I needed to do. And we have an understanding I it takes me about 11 seconds to mow my lawn and I write the check and I give it to Carlos and he does everything. He's the who to how do I get my lawn to look beautiful? So I feel like I am the world's best lawn mower now we talked about this in one of the BBB's and I don't mean to sound arrogant when I say this or like it pompous but last year at the BBB in January. I was redoing a bathroom and I had the like rugged individualist. I grew up from nothing like my dad, you know worked road construction. My mom babysat for extra money. We always had to cut firewood and sell it for extra money. We were not silver students, Moon type people, right. So everything that was done around the house. We did. If we were. If the roof was bad, we roof if the plumbing was bad, we were plumbers.

  25:04

So we just naturally had to do that. So when it came time to redo the bathroom in the basement at the house, of course, I'm going to do it. And I use the full focus planner, which is one of the things from the event. And at the end of the first quarter, I looked at how much time I spent doing the bathroom, working on the bathroom. And I mean, so embarrassed to say I actually spent more time on that I did work out my business. Because every day I would come home. And I had two YouTube videos of like, how to tile the floor, or how to use this flex piping and like how did and I'd have to watch like six of them because I didn't know if I was doing it right it's I'm spending all this time again. And it's like three months later, and I'm looking at it and going, oh my god. I'm like not even halfway and wasted my life on this project. And it was all because I wanted to save a little bit of money. And actually, some guy was doing the neighbors and he came over and he's like, I was like, just give me a quote on doing So I just, I'm done. And he was telling me how he listens to Keith Kalfas

  Bobby Walker  26:05  

Oh, that's awesome.

  Michael Dahlke   26:05  

I'm not joking. Like 100% dead serious. And I was like, I know Keith. I was like I pulled up my FB account. Like, “Here he sent me a message the other day.” Like, it was so cool. I felt like, I felt like such big all that to say. What we did was we said, Man, I really shouldn't be focused on doing these home projects, the things that I can do without thinking I'm going to do but if I need to learn something new to reseal my driveway or to do the bathroom, we're just going to hire it out. So we found somebody in our local community who needed some extra money. He had some child support issues, who was also a handyman, and I made a deal with him that I would pay him X dollars a month, and he would come in there would be a list on the board on a whiteboard. And he would come in he would pick off as many as he could for 25 bucks an hour on all of the things on the list. So my wife wants the deck railings redone here. It's on there. We need this done. It's on there

  Michael Dahlke gave an example of how hiring someone in your business. Or getting someone to work for you helps you. Either you hire people to help you with your business. Or you hire people to do the job for you to fix things. Doing so could help you save time, so you could focus more on your business 

27:00

So he won because I was a hero to him because I gave him some money that he desperately needed at that time. He was a hero to me because I'm no longer spending time thinking about how to tile my bathroom, I can spend something more valuable. How do I invest in Bobby Walker? How do I help him grow his business? So that change in mindset from I gotta do it because that's who I am. That's what my dad taught me. I gotta do this. This is ingrained in who I am. I'm a blue-collar kid from Wisconsin. Farm town likes country music, and like has no like, silver spoon. I can't hire someone to do this. And now it's like, Man, what if I go broke through that mentality so long ago and my life would be completely different.

  Bobby Walker  27:39  

I couldn't agree more. And this is this next thing I'm going to say is going to be really should be a whole different podcast. I know. We don't have a lot of time left on this one. But for the guys that are like, Well, I do it the best, something that you've got to understand and I'm positive Keith has some content out there with this topic. I just couldn't tell you where to find it. So maybe Keith can tell you here at the end, but the technician that's running the business, the technician is running, it thinks that quality needs to be a 10 out of 10. And that's why he feels that he's the one that needs to do it. And the fact is, the customer is probably like a static and thrilled with a seven out of 10, or an eight out of 10. And you can hire people that can do that eight out of 10. And the customer doesn't even know the difference. They're just as happy with that eight as they are with a 10. You gave them the value that they wanted, they gave you the value that you wanted, which was the money and there was a fair exchange there. And I think that sometimes it's not just arrogance that someone doesn't want to bring on the other person, but they're scared that if they bring someone on, you're not going to be able to get there.

  28:38 

 Now there's a lot to it, you got to train the person, you got to delegate properly, you've got to empower them, you got to check up on them and inspect what you expect and blah, blah, blah, but the very first step is hire that person, show them how you want it done. And then watch them do it and be okay with that eight out of 10 when you're 10 out of 10 and when you think don't think for a second that no ones gonna be able to do it as good as you just got a look around any big city you live in here. And every large building is full of people that don't own the company are full of people that don't do it as good as the owner would do it there. It's just full of people that do it good enough to get the desired result.

  Michael Dahlke 29:14  

 That's really interesting. And you know, we were talking a lot about technician mindsets. And one of the things that we always talked about was we didn't want to be really good at cleaning windows, you know, what the people on my team needed me to be as to be really good at business. And if I was really bad at business, they weren't gonna have jobs. If I was good at business, they could do great. They needed to learn to be good at window cleaning, more home cleaning, or soft washing or whatever, insert home surface here. And so we took a different approach right away and said if we're gonna if we're ever going to get off the truck, and I was on the truck and answer the phone on the ladder and did all this, those things, we got to be good at business. And I had to focus on learning business, not windows. And then when we got people underneath us, we had to say, Okay, you got to get really good at windows. It's not that hard. You can watch a million podcasts and do this thing, but be The window whisperer doesn't help you as much as being really good at business and having seven window whispers.

  Bobby Walker  30:05  

Yeah, the only thing that helps you with is if your goal is to work till you die and to be the guy on the ladder every day of your life if that's your goal, you're the one who whispers. And there's nothing wrong with the damn thing wrong with it. Yeah,

  Michael Dahlke  30:19  

Absolutely. And I think that a lot of people make the mistake of saying I want to have a $10 million business when what they really want is a $700,000 business with a great lifestyle.  And there's nothing wrong with that either. So understanding what the end goal is, is important. I think as well if you'd like to, you know, work six months out of the year and take winters off and you're in Minnesota. It's a great life. If you've got employees and overhead to think about it makes it a lot tougher. That's just some thoughts.

Bobby Walker  30:48  

Yeah, good stuff.

  Michael Dahlke  30:49  

Bobby, what else when you think about kind of wrapping up here. If you were, to sum up the maybe one key framework or concept that we went through today that's been impactful to your business that would be impactful to some of Keith's listeners. What would that be?

  Bobby Walker   31:08  

You put me on the spot.

  Michael Dahlke  31:09  

So impactful.

  Bobby Walker  31:10  

Yeah, well, no, there's a lot and I'm not gonna lie my brain’s fried. But I think one of the very first things we do at every event, one of the first things we do is we establish, I should say, the first two things we do. The first one is to establish, what do I need to stop doing? I no longer need to do this for the health of my business. This is not good for us. And then the second one is what do I need to delegate? So stop doing doesn't mean you're the only one It just means that we don't do it anymore? And then the second one is, what do you need to delegate to something, your company still needs to do it but you don't. So the example that if we stick with the what the analogy we've been using is I'm going to delegate window cleaning to a technician. So I can focus on the marketing and the sales and scale the business and I would say those two things is the very first step or very First two steps. But that may be the greatest single thing out of this whole that we do.

  Michael Dahlke  32:06  

Yeah, and I would echo that. doing this for three years. And now how long we've been doing this and going through and thinking about the things I was doing, and that I've eliminated and the concept for the people who are listening is that if you're out there, working your butt off right now, and you've got a full cup, your glass is completely full, and you go to a convention, or you read this book, or you listen to this podcast, and your glass is full, and you go to put stuff in there, it's just not gonna fit, you're just gonna go right over the top, and it's gonna overflow. But if you can dump a little bit out, then you can put some more in. So the concept is that if we can eliminate some stuff that we're doing from our business or our lives, we can eliminate some of the delegate some of those stuff, it'll free up some time, so that we can input the new things that we want to try the new idea that getting off the truck, the doing the marketing plan, the systematizing, the business, all that sort of stuff, but if we don't dump out that cup of little, there's no room in our life state. Do anything different.

  Bobby Walker  33:01  

Well, and one real brief example for us, you know, so my company we do pressure washing and window cleaning, one of the things we're stopping doing is interior window cleaning. So I'm cutting out 3% of my company's revenue, but the reason I'm doing it is so I could raise our businesses, our technicians’ efficiency on the day and actually get more revenue done each day and ultimately make more money. Yeah, so yeah, we're cutting out a little bit of revenue that we're getting, but it's going to free us up to do more of that good stuff that allows our technicians to make that higher hourly rate.

  Michael Dahlke    33:29  

That's awesome. That's awesome. So wrapping up final words of wisdom from the day to Keith's listeners?

  Bobby Walker  33:37  

Okay, I've got I'm gonna have to go back to the wheelhouse for me and I want to just explain what not being a bitches and what the no bitch zone is about. A bitch is not someone that whines because I'm not a bitch and I whine sometimes. A bitch is not someone that gets kicked and feels down and because we all do when I say bitch, the definition of the bitch in the no bitch zone is someone that doesn't pursue their goals because of what other people may say Think or Do, including themselves or someone that blames other people for their failures or lack of success. So I think that one of the biggest keys to personal growth and development is being honest when you look in the mirror, and if you're fat, don't say, I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. say, No, I'm fat. And then I can actually come up with a good strategy to do it. So don't be a bitch. Don't blame others for your failures. Don't let others discourage you, or your own fear discourage you from pursuing it. Don't be a bitch, pursue your dreams. And what I say every time I sign off of a podcast is if you're not doing the things you want in life, you better have a damn good reason for it. But if you're not pursuing those things, there's no good reason for it. And I think that's great advice. If I say so myself.

  Michael Dahlke   34:42  

That's awesome.

  Bobby Walker  34:43  

 What about you?

  Michael Dahlke   34:44  

Last Words of wisdom? Yeah, listen to Bobby Walker and Keith Kalfas. I think that's where I would go you know, my words of wisdom from the guy who started and you know, the first at $60,000 a year in revenue on the truck. answering the phone while on the ladder scheduling the job on no cards and all of the terrible things that you know Josh Latimer drink number six.  Telling me I was doing wrong was that at a certain level if in the beginning, if it's gonna be it's up to me type it, you've got a bust, you've got to bust it. And there's no substitute for the hard work and the rugged individualists that goes out there and fires from dusk to dawn. And does that to get ahead like there is something to be said that after you've gotten an established business, and I don't mean a $5 million business, but I mean, you've got some revenue coming in, you're paying your bills, you're doing the stuff after that. My words of wisdom would be to start thinking about systematizing the business and thinking about how to recruit and get really good at business--

  Bobby Walker  35:51  

Good stuff.

  Michael Dahlke   35:51  

So get good at business. Don't be just good at lawncare window cleaning, that sort of thing. The people who are gonna win if their goal is to grow is to get good at business.

  Bobby Walker 36:00  

I think we have like four tangents that we've just kind of mentioned that would be great standalone episodes and I one of them there is like don't try to over systemize on day one you know, yeah revenue coming to pay the bills and then start doing all that stuff, it's good stuff.

  Michael Dahlke  36:14  

Absolutely.

  Bobby Walker  36:15  

Ok, Keith's getting the mic back here so Dahlke, love you, bro. Thanks for hanging out I'm going to go down there and read a mechanical bull with you here in a minute. So for those of you that didn't catch that we're in this cool building, it's like 200 years old three storeys tall with a basement. It was like a speakeasy back in the prohibition days you know and we got a mechanical bull downstairs around

  Keith Kalfas  36:32  

A mechanical bull.

  Bobby Walker  36:33  

 Do you not know that?

  Keith Kalfas  36:34  

That's why they made a sign the contract if we get injured. This place is beautiful Nashville Tennessee.I'm happy to be here

  Bobby Walker  36:42

Keith, I love you, bro. And I appreciate you letting me let me be a part of this I you're this is so like poetic for me. You know, every time we get together and get to talk and this is the second time I think I've been on your show. And it's like, this is where I started. You know this guy that I'm looking across this presidential desk right now is the guy that got me started in this life in this world that, honestly, I couldn't be happier in the midst of 2020 with all the terrible stuff that's happening, not just in our country in our world, it's like this the best year of my life, because I'm kind of choosing to let it be. And you were a little bit of the catalyst of that you were the catalyst on that, and I appreciate it, man.

  Keith Kalfas 37:15 

You're welcome. Thank you. And I'm following my calling. And I love doing it, man. So, guys, that's it for this episode. You can find this on any of your favorite podcast platforms. If you enjoyed the show. This will do wonders for the show. Like I said, we're top 100 in the entrepreneur category, we hit number 37 in the nation, an entrepreneur category if you go to iTunes or Apple podcasts, and please leave us a well worded positive five-star review, and then hit me up my website, Keithkalfas.com. How can people find you, Bobby?

  Bobby Walker  37:47  

Just search Journey of a New Entrepreneur and you'll find me.

  Keith Kalfas  37:51  

Yeah, type that in on YouTube, or your podcasts

  Bobby Walker  37:54  

 Or Google? Yeah, just go to Google and type Journey of a New Entrepreneur and you'll find me, Yeah.

  Keith Kalfas  37:58  

Interesting and check out his podcast. as well and then Michael Dahlke. No, no, no he's not. He's busy making lots of money.

  Bobby Walker  38:04  

Yeah, he's busy doing stuff.

  Keith Kalfas  38:06  

Alright, guys. Later

    Check out this episode!

[untilrecently]

Mmk. I’ve just chugged my first glass of cheap champagne. I’m ready.

I’m also going to preface this post with I’m on about 3 ½ hours of sleep today. So if this post goes a little sideways, (more than usual) I semi-have an excuse.

I actually overslept for work for the first time this morning. I woke up at the time I usually LEAVE the house. I woke up from a dream that I was trying to get to work but I’d just had a nose job (right) and my mom had showed up randomly. When I told her I couldn't stay home with her, we both started crying. She yelled that I didn’t want her there and didn’t love her and I kept yelling, “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN, IT’S JUST BAD TIMING!” I kept trying to call work and let them know I’d be late but the phone wouldn’t dial out… Finally my supervisor walked into the house and I exclaimed, “Hey! I’ve been trying to call! I’m running late! Can I come in at 10:30 instead?!”

My supervisor responded with “Ooh, that doesn’t really work here. You should google Anne Galina.” (not a real person) “She got fired last year for trying to come in at 10:30.”

The fuck is wrong with my brain?

In real life, I woke up at 7:58, texted my coworkers that I was on my way, tried to ignore the sleep lines (had one down the center of my face ONTO MY LIPS) and made it to work by 8:35.

My supervisor was cool about it and said because I had gotten to work so early yesterday, I should just stay 10 extra minutes into lunch and call it good. She’s amazing in real life.

So that was the start of my day today.

Thankfully the phones were semi normal today. Yesterday was filled with the usual assholes that try to act like they don’t know why their water was turned off. It usually goes like this:

Me: “Thank you for holding, how can I help you?”                                                    Random Dumbass: “Uh, hi. I guess my water was turned off? Can you see why?”

Me: “Yup, looks like you haven’t paid your last two bills for the last 4 ½ months.”

Random Dumbass: “Oh, I had no idea despite getting multiple notices. So what do I have to do to get my water back on?”

Me: “Um. Pay your fucking bill?”

Random Dumbass: “Oh. Like with money?”

Me: “Preferably.”

Random Dumbass still acting like this has never happened before despite my being able to see on their account they’ve been turned off every month for months: “OK, I paid it. How long until the water is back on?”

Me: “Oh, it happens instantly. I say a special fairy chant, sprinkle some magic glitter into the air and then your water comes back on!”

The irritation when they hear, “It’ll be on by 4:30pm today” is amazing. They get really indignant. “You can’t give me a specific time?”

Nope. Sure can’t, ya fuckhead. Reminder: I didn’t get your water turned off. You did by not paying your goddamn bill. Don’t yell at me.

I had one guy yesterday exclaim, “I would have to pay an after-hours FEE to have my water turned back on?”

When I told him it was that or wait until the next day to have his water turned on, he muttered, “Oh, so AAAAAANYWAY you can SCREW US, right?!”

Sure.

Then when he agreed to the fee, he said, “OK, and who can I complain to?”

I so desperately wanted to say, “I can transfer you to someone else who gives a shit?” and then hang up on him.

Everyone can suck it.

The hotel was pretty lame last weekend, too. I only got busy towards the end of Saturday night with a group of chaperones that had 35 fourth graders in their care. They were parents of some of the kids on the trip and had been on a bus with them for 12 hours that day. So I definitely understood the multiple, multiple drinks.

The kicker?

At one point a couple cops strolled up to the bar and informed them that they had gotten multiple calls from some kids trying to reach their parents.

Sigh.

Now, do you think this stopped any of them from continuing to drink like assholes?

Oh, no no no.

Whatever. I took their money and smiled because all I could think about is how much their day was going to suck knowing they had a 6:30am checkout time on daylight saving’s night where they were also going to lose an hour of sleep.

Thanks for stopping byyyyyyyyyy. 

Anyway. That’s about it for this week. Looking forward to blacking out this weekend in order to block out this last week. Finally got my stitches out on Tuesday and the surgeon gave me the go ahead to get new teeth in a few weeks.

I’m super excited but also really cautious. I’ve done all of this before. It’s almost like you were left at the alter once and now have to plan another wedding. Lot of trepidation...

But hey. Still hopeful. And tipsy. Best combination.

Until next time!

[thecolorguardist-blog1]

I used to have this dream that was recurring, but it stopped for a while. Last night it came back. I moved to a new area, without my family. My parents decided that I needed to be away from home because it was a bad place for me. No friends, everyone hated me. So they move me to this beach town. It starts off good. I climb some cliff on the first day to the towns haunted house. Not a tourist haunted house, an actual one. Condemned and closed. I go inside, and I meet a guy. We become friends and visit the house frequently. I make plenty of friends at the new school I'm at, which happen to be friends I actually have in real life. Life is good. We adventure in the dark a lot. We visit the haunted house as a group at one point to hang with the ghosts. The rumor was that the ghosts had killed each other over boy drama, the boy and I had discovered they were lesbians who killed themselves. These ghosts threw a party to scare off a woman coming to arrest me and my group of friends. The boy and I became friends with them. I went to school. I did my activities. Swim, track, guard. Teams loved new girl me. I visited the school library frequently because the ghosts would hang out with me there. It was friendly. The ghosts told me there was a crime set up and It had something to do with an object hidden in a book. At the school library. They told me to trust no one. Life goes on, and I keep my friends. We go out in the dark again and again. One time, it goes awry. As we're walking on the beach, a group of guys approach us. There are four of them and four of us. My group consists of a sophomore, a senior, a freshman, and me, also a senior. This other group is also from our school. They pass us and we all say hello, they repeat the greeting and walk on. Thats where things went downhill. The next thing I notice is muffled screaming behind me. I turn around and Three of them have my friends, I make a break for it. Sand is hard to run on for both me and the guy chasing me. His friends tell him that I'm not worth it and they can get back to their plans. I can't decide where to get help. I don't know where to go. I can still see what's happening. The guy who gave up on chasing me picked the freshman. He grabbed her other arm from the guy holding her and they dragged her down to the water. They shoved her head in the water and sand of the shallow shore and started trying to take her clothes off. At that point I'm like, "what am I doing?" So I run back to them. Not just run to them, I run at them. The boys at the water don't even notice me, they're too busy torturing my friend. I use my momentum and jump kick the first guy, which knocks the second guy over. I roll ungracefully over the ground and get back up. I leap at the first guy and start punching him in the face. The second guy is still trying to get out from the pile of him, guy 1, and me. He eventually does, by that time my knuckles are bleeding as hard as guy 1's face. He leaps at me head on and gets me to the ground. Guy 3, holding the senior, lets go and comes at me too, I yell for her to get help. She runs for the police station. Guy 2 beats the crap out of my face. Then he and guy 3 set me on my knees, holding me back by my arms. Guy one stands up and says, "you're gonna get what you give." And he kicks me in the gut. Then he kicks my face over and over. Guy 4 is still holding the sophomore, and she's fighting to break free and screaming at them to stop. When 1's had his fill, the boys drop me in the sand and run off. They release my friend too, she runs to me and tries to get me up. My face feels bruised and swollen and I'm bleeding from my head, mouth, and multiple other cuts in my face. The freshman crawls to me, soaked from ocean water, a lot less beat up but still ravaged enough to be fatigued. And picks up an arm. Her and the sophomore pick me up and walk me away from the water. Flashing red and blue lights pull up, and the police come and take me from my friends, they carry me to the squad car and take us all to the hospital. The senior is waiting for us in another squad car, and we all go inside. They set me up in a bed for rest and the cops say they're going to take my friends home. They all thank me and give me a hug. I had proved that boy wrong, I was worth it. Flash forward a few weeks and I'm in the school library again. I hear talking behind me, the same voice as... I turn around and it's him. Guy 1. He's looking at a book, "this is the one." Oh no, they've found it. I swoop over, say , "scuse me" politely and grab the book. I speed walk for the long line of checkouts. The big dude follows me. He keeps trying to cut me off in line, but my arm is stronger than his will to get in front of me. I get to the counter first, "I want to buy this book", I throw $40 at the counter and walk away. "So she wants to play like that, boys. Here's some shears, go get her!" I run. Out the library and down the hall, I slide the book under a cabinet and keep running. I see the sophomore ahead, "Hannah!" I yell, "I need help!" I explain about the book and why I need to get away or hidden. She just smiles wickedly, and pulls out a pair of scissors. She grabs me by my hair and snips a chunk off. I punch her in the gut and sprint off. She was involved the whole time? I pass the senior while rounding a corner, and she tells me to stop and tries to grab at me. I dodge her and keep running. I slide down a stairwell, crying now. When I get to the bottom hall there's more people waiting for me. I dodge two of them before smacking into an extended arm, slowing down, and being tackled. My arms are pulled behind my back, and my face is beaten to the ground multiple times. I'm pretty sure I broke my nose. The senior walks up to me and asks where the book is. I tell her I don't know. She kicks me in my face. I continue to cry. I had saved these girls and here they were, betraying me. I see freshman walk by, I yell, "Jayden! Please get help!" She runs off and a boy runs after her. They keep questioning me about the book and I don't give in. Within minutes, the cops arrive and arrest all of us. During questioning, the stories the kids give are convincing enough to criminalize me. They frame me and I go to prison. No one listens to my side. I'm the crazy girl who talks to spirits. Not a hero. Not strong. Just crazy. Moral of the story is trust no one and never sleep when you're depressed it'll just make you feel worse.