#for pig and the hivemind again

[shallowseeker]

srry for the giant wall of rambles I got too thinky bc I was chopping apples and having a suspiciously nice day

do you think cas actually likes bees or if its a fandom trait based on Crazy!Cas who liked bees because of the hivemind resembling heaven?

also i imagine heaven and angels like parasitic creatures while hell is leeches/fungi/deep sea type scavengers

You're apologizing to ME about giant walls? Now, that is a little funny.

BEES & THE QUEST FOR MEANING I've gone back and forth on the bees, but mostly I think it's harmless, and I've made peace with the fact that I'm just not that into it.

Over time I've landed on putting the bees in a more biblical/theological space and leaving them there. I don't even think Cas liked them so much as he was desperately checking out of life and struggling to find meaning in a universe that felt monotonous and horrific -> the wars and sex and the unhappy dogs that can only think in ovals.

Because of his shame and depression, Cas could find no meaning or joy in the rat-race of life. He wants to be a non-participant because, “I destroyed everything and I will destroy everything again.”

Here, I view Cas as Ecclesiastes. He was despairing over meaninglessness and the useless "striving of wind." I do think it was a motif that was 100% on purpose, too, because war, work, and career dealings are accompanied by fans, windmills, and industrial stirrings a lot in SPN!

It's very cool. It even appears in The Winchesters companion series, when Mary is facing her childhood!

//

Other Cas Things Interest Me More

Anyway, Cas and bees. Cas doesn't ever really return to them again after he moves past his struggle with his season 7 nihilism/meaninglessness. He seems more enamored with trash TV than bees. "I missed television," is the very first thing he says after getting out of Purgatory, lol.

He doesn't seem like much of an environmentalist either and seems perfectly willing to hand-slaughter pigs and eat shitty food. (To me, Lucifer seems like more of the environmentalist or even AU Zachariah from season 13's Good Intentions.) Or even Cain!

I think in later seasons, Cas seems vaguely aware of and attempting to be appreciative of the fleetingness of the time he has with his human family.

We see this theme in Naomi's words sometime in season 14 (I think?):

NAOMI: "Everything ends, Castiel."

We see it again in Cas’s words to Jack in season 14’s Ouroboros:

CAS: "The point is that they were here at all and you got to know them, you. When they're gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them."

He also, unlike characters like Sam, seems to not get too hung up on agonizing over moral relativism -> judging from his words to Claire in season 10's The Things We Left Behind:

CAS: "Yes, well, um… Before, I was very self-assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path. It’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it’s far too easy to do your worst."

And then, there's also his words to Apocalypse-World Cas, "We're the same," & "Yes, we are."

My point is, Cas seems to have made peace with and understands that morality is relative to where your allegiances lie, and he seems good with preferring his allyship to humans.

He also seems to be more focused on the here and now rather than preserving the future indefinitely, which in my mind, goes with bees-as-work and bees-as-future.

You could argue that Jack changes that for him in 12x19 The Future, but I’m not sure… It still seems pretty family- and legacy-focused.

///

HEAVEN AS HIVEMIND This is another area where I really break from the fandom.

I don't view Heaven as a hivemind so much as I view it as a police state/military power, or else I don't think it would be structured the way it is. It's got this rigid party propganada, "We're heartless. Only humans feel emotions and true joy." I view it more as a surveillance state.

On the whole, I think Angelicity deals with the motif of epic, professional repression. On a lower level of existence, I'm reminded of the studies where men say they don't feel emotions but test as having them in equal or more intense measure when you measure psychological arousal and adrenal stress. I view Angelicity as a narrative exaggeration of traditional, brutal, stoic masculinity— a higher, Heavenly masculinity carried to its extreme.

It's got insanely brutal, inhumane emotional expectations. Grace, as my lovely father pointed out, looks a lot like traditional view on virility; it’s powerful and heals all sorts of emotional and physical ailments, but it’s finite and prone to performance issues.

//

In the show, practically every angel we see onscreen rebels, and angels are a huge motif for ongoing Civil War -> "brother against brother."

Despite what Lucifer and Cas and Naomi say, most angels are shown to have their own ideas, and on the whole, are shown to be reckless, angry, wrathful, impulsive, incredibly petty, and emotionally volatile.

I think what tends to happen is people hear the party line about heartlessness and obedience, and that clouds them from what the series actually shows us again and again: angels rebelling left and right and being brutally beaten down and lobotomized for it. (The lobotomies don’t even work all the way!)

Angels have constant, ongoing Civil War because they disagree with each other, even when there's only a handful of them left (Ex: Dumah Vs. Naomi in season 14).

Cas is not unique. That's the tragedy of authoritarianism. He only THINKS he is.

Cas's tendency to think of himself as unique and to think of his dealings with other angels as being "like teaching poetry to fish," is why he reaches for tyrannical god power in the first place. He thinks that, because they don't agree with him, they somehow don't have free will. Which is… kind of a flawed premise.

It's very complicated...but I think the reality is that until recently, Cas was right there with them, beaten down and hammered into shape. Hell, roll back a few years, and he'd have slaughtered himself alongside the others.

//

I think back to Anna's insistence that angels can't feel and are heartless, which is itself contradictory because Anna wouldn't have fallen in the first place if she had been emotionless to start with.

I prefer that she fell to be "allowed" to experience the emotions she probably already had…and had brutally repressed over eons of military dissociation and totalitarian training.

//

Being a soldier wears on you:

We see that, the longer Dean is a soldier, the more he too begins to lose sight of what is right or wrong. Season 15 Dean is so distraught and lost that he vaguely resembles season 4 soldier!Cas.

CAS: "I don't know what's right or wrong, or if you passed or failed here."

//

I LIKE YOUR COOL IDEA!

i imagine heaven and angels like parasitic creatures while hell is leeches/fungi/deep sea type scavengers

Deep sea creatures and fungi are wicked cool. See, you have ideas! You should just write them. I'd read that. Deep sea creatures would make excellent demons too, what with the whole "absence of light" and being down deep and all.

There's something horrific about being alive on all levels, isn't there? We all have to consume something to keep going. One of my fave religious essays is called The Horror of Eating, and it posits that Gods are so scary to us because we naturally put them above us, with us as the food/sacrifice to them. Brrr. This is why the sacrifice motif appears so often.

I guess...as humans, we empathize and humanize our food sources, which is a big part of our incredible neuroses...

[maireadralph]

Hi again everyone I’m back with more madcap planning! So there was an idea forming over on Twitter to host some sort of Hordak Appreciation Day event.

I for one am totally up for this however because everyone has a life outside of their online presence (and different time zones) I was thinking more along the lines of a little celebration of the course of a few days instead. As of this post there had been no date or time set for this. If you have any suggestions they are very welcome. I want this to be a very casual, fun and low stress event for all.

Anyway here’s a few thoughts I had on the matter. It’s all very much very big work in progress right now but I just wanted to get the Entrapdak, Hordak, Spacebat Hivemind to chime in with some ideas and suggestions (and to find some guinea pigs for testing the Netflix Party 😅)

Plan:

- Consistent running Netflix Party

- Online positive content sharing using Hashtag on (all?) social media platforms

- More?

Netflix Party:

* Needs at least two people (one host and one viewer) at all times

* Viewers can drop in and as they wish

* Host can drop out but must find a new Host to rehost (perhaps ask if they can let the current episode run in full before leaving?)

* Backup secret Discord channel might be helpful here in case Antis find the link and become toxic in Netflix Party Chat

* Chat decides next episode/s

THIS NEEDS TO BE TESTED PRIOR TO LIVE TIME Check how this operates:

- Can Viewers control the stream?

- What happens if Host leaves/internet drops? Does link still work? How to share new link? Backup Discord chat?

Hashtag:

- Find a hashtag not currently used for anything else

- Use this to share out fanart, prompts, episode voting (Twitter polls?)

[dragynkeep]

I am bothered by how yang wasnt called out

can i get why yang is thinking this now? yes.

but she also shouldn’t be the one to say it? yes & here’s why.

yang can complain about ruby’s leadership all she likes but all four of them gladly followed all of ruby’s poor to somewhat passable ideas, the only time she ever spoke up was when she was undermining ruby’s lead with blake in their transport to go & find robyn. it’s nonsensical. it’s like going to rob a bank, complaining on the way that maybe you shouldn’t rob this bank but then you go & do it anyways, only to then tell your gang leader that you’re not happy you’re all now in jail. even though you were also the one to rob a bank.

also, it just highlights her hypocrisy yet again. yang, you are still keeping secrets from your sister & your team. you still have not told them about raven, when you are all so worried about the power of a maiden & the relics falling back into salem’s hands. you cannot roll around with pigs & then complain that you smell like shit.

however, i am interested to see how this will go, especially now that there is finally some interteam conflict & we’re hopefully going to move away from this hivemind bullshit that’s plagued them ever since volume 6.

[penunumbra]

all jokes aside, i will get to the previous post about the AU later, bc im brainstorming it and realizing it’s batshit crazy and confusing and im adapting way too many things from Necrologue mod

but can i for now say the story how i even found the games in the first place? i found Penumbra when i was around 16 (maybe even 15, i really dont remember, but i know it was middle high school in poland education standards) and it was a pretty bad period in my life and i for some reason latched into the trilogy and found.. comfort with it? yeah as dumb it sounds, speaking about an old horror game that isn’t perfect or anything. watching the let’s plays of it and reading lore gave me strange feeling of comfort and helped distracting me from irl stuff and school.

being older teen that grew up with weird mentality and saw shit you shouldn’t see underaged, my og ideas were.. obviously horribly made and questionable af and in later years i pushed FG works away bc it was reminding me of that weird and bad period and my bad ideas. i think i went back and embraced it again when SOMA came out, but i dont remember. but after SOMA came out, the interest was back and i stopped being embarrassed of myself. kind of.

in a way, i watched a let’s play of Amnesia first, it was a bit before Machine for Pigs came out. but the difference between this LP and Penumbra one was that, the dude i watched (some polish youtuber) didn’t bother to read the notes and the game was full english so i didnt understand shit. with Penumbra, he actually had a polish translation mods and read the notes and explained the plot a bit better, so.. idk i was hooked with the Penumbra story and Philip a lot more than Amnesia and Daniel. imo it had a better pacing and plotline that made somehow sense in my teen brain (i was more likely believe into outbreak of ancient hivemind alien virus that. whatever the fuck orbs business was about idk lol). it hit differently, and he seemed like a more.. relatable protagonist in a way? maybe i just like (platonically) dudes stuck in a horror situation and they are fucking tired of it. Daniel was too confusing and not angry enough for my tastes.

oversharing is my passion

[star-strings-spills]

Dreamon Season AU

Well, it took longer than I expected @dtvibez and the Anon Fam, but when your mind runs with an idea, y’know? Might’ve lost some motivation and rushed a bit toward the end, but... It’s done. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’ll probably work on this a bit more as Halloween gets closer, but I don’t know how much since I have a fic I’m doing for that time right now as well. Feel free to add to this if you guys would like, this is just my take on the idea - enjoy~ 💕

Dreamon Season comes about by complete accident while the Dream Team are working on a video involving VR, heart monitors and the old faithful shock collars. Unfortunately - much like the original shock streams - things weren't wired and coded correctly, so when a system short-circuit occurred, more than just a crash of equipment happened.

The challenge had been simple: Minecraft, But We're In the Game… Basically, all three of them were to wear a VR headset and shock collars to simulate actually being "in the game," and the heart monitors were an added bonus for the fans enjoyment. When they got into one of their usual play punching matches, Dream actually wound up getting smacked in the face in the scuffle by accident. This actually jolted the wires loose and in turn short-circuited the system, causing a shared shock to go through all of their equipment, promptly ending the recording for the time being as everything crashed.

The unfortunate hit to the face resulted in a pretty nasty nosebleed for Dream, some fairly bruised knuckles for George, and a horrendous headache for all of them from the zap. Dream - being the almost ridiculous selfless idiot he is - was more focused on making sure George and Sapnap weren't seriously hurt by the shock. It wasn't the standard shock they'd get from the shock collars, but more of one you'd receive from jamming a fork in a light socket, and it was felt everywhere. Naturally, this was only met with them herding him to the bathroom to stop the bleeding and patch things up, calling him an idiot all the way as their equipment was left abandoned on the floor.

What they hadn't noticed is the error had been severe enough to log their brain waves within the code, and the shock had interacted with the blood left within the headset. Remarkably, this allowed the code to create something almost living out of these factors, it became less binary and instead more biological. A small collection of blood soon became an intelligent mass, reconstructing itself in the form of that it had been born of with the recorded heartbeat acting as its tick, but… This was a corrupted code, after all. It wasn't a perfect copy, and the thoughts that had fired off first weren't the most pleasant. Pain, frustration, anger, violence… It was easy to get caught on such intoxicating feelings, and it hadn't really known much else - not that its code knew or cared to learn it. That part was fundamentally missing from anything that wasn't "alive."

It knew of comradery, however, and it knew how to replicate itself being a living code and all. It wasn't difficult to create something in the image of the remaining brain waves' owners. While they acted independently because of this, they also functioned on the same nexus as a hivemind. Curiosity, it seemed, was stronger the more that shared it, and the trio slinked their way through the house's wiring to investigate their dopples.

While this miracle - or curse, as they would soon learn - had been unfolding, the Dream Team had been chuckling through their lingering pain while scolding one another for their part in things. Above all else, George and Sapnap still couldn't believe Dream could be literally bleeding out and would be more worried about them getting a papercut. Dream argued that it was because he felt bad that his idea had led to them getting hurt, and the last thing he wanted was to hurt his friends. As funny as it was now, that shock could've done some serious damage to all of them had it been worse, and George's knuckles were still pretty swollen, he could've broken something and-

Of course, Dream was being an "idiot" again, he was lucky his nose wasn't broken - George's hand would be fine after some ice and ibuprofen.

 Fear. It had been there when they'd been created, just not as strong as the rest, but now… It was almost satisfying to hear it in Dream's worried voice. There was somewhat of a twisted interest in what caused it and how they could replicate the feeling, and what better way to find out than trial and error up close and personal?

And so they waited, waited for the chance to extract more thoughts from the trio so they could receive their answers, lurking in the ether until they were all fast asleep, oblivious as ever. Once they were clear, they managed to slip the defective equipment back onto their little test subjects and fire up the system again, rewriting the code easily enough for the purposes. It only took a smack to each of their headsets to crash the system this time, but to a greater effect than it had before. This time, it wasn't just brain waves they were intent on transferring into the code - it was their subconsciouses entirely.

With their minds in the digital realm and their bodies in the physical world, they would be free to do whatever they pleased to learn more of their human counterparts. To those around them, it would appear only as though they were in a coma, as difficult to treat as it was to explain in some cases. No matter to the programs - there was little to be done on the human end, only on theirs. They had all the time and power in the world with this situation.

TLDR: "Dreamons" are essentially a living corrupted code created through electrified biological material and brain waves transferred into a shared nexus through a short-circuit in a system of gaming equipment which consists of a VR headset, a heart monitor and a rigged shock collar. When you're "possessed" by one, your subconscious is uploaded into the code on a server while your physical body remains comatose and a "dreamon" is created by copying portions of your brain waves and creating their tick by mimicking your heartbeat.

Even so, it was clear by the names listed in the server's code that there were more to be involved in this sick little game of theirs, and the prospect was too delicious to pass up… They would let their initial guinea pigs get their bearings before continuing to add new players first though - their fear of realization wasn't something to miss out on. After all, how much better could it get than the panicked terror one would contract when they found themselves trapped in cyberspace, never mind that space being Minecraft of all things?

They would begin shipping orders out to reach their future victims soon enough, but the source code - aptly named "Nightmare" in the weeks to come - wanted to savor the first batch… They'd only be able to survive so long in their realm, you know. :̵̛̹)̷̦̽

[queenofcats17]

Outbreak 3

@bornoffireandwisdom had a few more ideas about Outbreak, so I’m writing more!

I apologize that this took so long. 

This Murray belongs to @circus-craze

In retrospect, Murray Hill should never have taken this job. He should have known from the moment Joey made his pitch how this would end. He was being tasked with creating what was essentially an ink based zombie plague, with Joey at the helm of the hivemind it would create. But Joey had talked about making a family and breaking the bonds of death so that humanity could transcend. And as a scientist, Murray’s usual motivation did tend to be, ‘I wonder what would happen if I did this?’ His curiosity was hard to satiate and thus had blinded him to the sinister undertone to Joey’s words. He’d charged ahead without a thought as to the consequences of his actions. By the time he realized he’d made a mistake...he was in too deep. 

He really should have realized sooner that he wasn’t in the right, what with all the screaming and the crying. The employees he’d rounded up to experiment on, those who weren’t corrupted that was, were clinging to one another and sobbing. Some railed against their fates, spitting curses at Murray in languages he didn’t recognize. 

“You’re a monster!” One, a band member, screaming as they struggled against their bonds. 

“Progress requires sacrifice,” Murray mumbled off-handedly, using one gloved hand to flip over the employee he was studying. His current specimen was one of the inker girls in the last stages of the infection. She had a large gash in her side that was still bleeding, although the blood was quickly turning black. 

“Progress?!” The band member snapped. “You call this progress?!”

“It will be.” Murray glanced back at the band member. They were pale and sweating profusely, just barely holding on. They looked awful. 

“What do you think will happen when everyone here is corrupted?” The band member asked, their lip curling in a sneer. “Do you seriously think Drew’s going to let you share your great discovery with the world? You think he’s going to let you publish papers about this?”

“I doubt he’d want to keep this discovery a secret.” Murray laughed, although it sounded rather uncomfortable. He honestly was a little uncomfortable with this situation. The band member looked practically on death’s door by this point. Their breath was coming in gasps, as though they couldn’t get enough air. They watched Murray intently, face twisting in irritation and rage. 

“You’re either too stupid to see you’re being used or a stone-cold psychopath.” They spat ink at Murray’s feet. 

“I’m not being used!” Murray said indignantly. 

“The second you’re not useful anymore...” The band member lifted their gaze to meet Murray’s, forcing the scientist to watch as the ink slowly consumed them. “You’ll end up just like us.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Murray scoffed, turning back to the inker girl on the table. “He wouldn’t do that to me.” But...would he? Joey had said this whole thing was about creating a family, finding a way to defeat death. This sure didn’t look like a family, though. 

“Mama.” The inker girl whimpered, her breath coming in quick gasps. Her voice was small and afraid. Murray felt his stomach begin to drop.

“I’m not a monster,” Murray said to himself, laughing nervously. “I-I’m not. I can’t be.” The inker girl began to vomit out ink, whimpering and crying as she did. God, she was so young. She couldn’t be more than 18. She was practically a child. She probably had a family that was going to miss her. An icy weight developed in Murray’s stomach. 

“Oh my god...” He took a step back. “What am I doing?” This was a mistake. All of it was a mistake. How had he not seen this before?! He felt like he was going to be sick.

“I have to get out of here.” He made for the door but stopped in the doorway. He couldn’t run. Joey would find him. The second he stopped being useful, Joey was going to kill him too.

“I’m going to die here.” His voice went up an octave. His breathing sped up. He was practically hyperventilating now. He was going to die here. He’d dug his own grave and all that remained was for Joey to put him in it. 

Speaking of Joey, he’d made his way down to Level 14 to gloat to his very first victim. Norman Polk had been a guinea pig of sorts. Technically speaking, he’d quit the studio months ago. But he’d come back to find evidence to prove Joey was planning something. He really shouldn’t have come back. Norman had found Joey’s journal, one that detailed all his plans, and Joey had caught him reading it. Murray wasn’t aware that Norman was still there. Hell, no one was aware that Norman was still there. He’d been reported missing after the first month and the police had come around, of course, because Polk’s little sister had said Norman had come back to the studio. But Joey had smiled and played the innocent victim and they’d gone on their way. After all, there was no way a sweet young man in a wheelchair could have done anything, right?

“Polk~ Where are you?~” Joey said in a sing-song voice as he slid down the railing to the labyrinth. It felt so good to not be confined to that damnable wheelchair anymore. There was no reply, which only made him smile wider. 

“Are you hiding from me, Norman?” He cooed, practically skipping in. “You should really know better. There’s nowhere you can go anymore where I can’t find you.” He heard the telltale whir of the projector behind him, easily catching the Projectionist’s arm as it arched down toward him. 

“That’s not very nice.” He clicked his tongue as though he were addressing a naughty child rather than a horrifying inky monstrosity. The Projectionist screeched, trying again to swipe at Joey. 

“Norman Norman Norman.” Joey sighed and shook his head, catching Norman’s other hand. “Really, you should have known by now that you can’t overpower me.” The Projectionist screeched louder, struggling against Joey’s grip. For someone so small and frail looking, Joey was surprisingly strong. Murray’s ink virus was likely to thank for that. 

“My Norman, have you gotten weaker?” Joey asked innocently. “I’m so much smaller than you. I shouldn’t be able to overpower you, should I?” He batted his eyelashes in the way that had always made the older society ladies coo and pinch his cheeks. The Projectionist kept struggling, but it was useless. Joey was having the time of his life, unlike literally everyone else in the studio.

“Did your visions see this?” Joey smiled wide, forcing the Projectionist against the wall. “Did your visions show you how badly you would fail?” The Projectionist made a whirring noise that almost sounded like a whimper. 

“I’ve done it.” Joey continued, his smile so wide now it almost looked manic. “They’re all mine now. Everyone in this studio belongs to me. I’ve won.” Norman didn’t exactly have a face anymore, but if he had Joey’s would have been inches from his. Joey’s eyes were glowing an unearthly red. 

“Not even your visions could save you. You couldn’t save anyone.”

.

Grant didn’t really understand what was happening. His mind felt fuzzy and his body felt cold. Cold like he was underwater in a freezing lake. He was sure he had to be doing something. He’d been with someone, hadn’t he? What had they been doing? He felt the telltale rise of anxiety. He had to get somewhere safe. His office. He needed to get to his office. Moving was hard. He didn’t know why it was so hard. His body wouldn’t cooperate with him. This made him even more anxious. His thoughts were swimming in his mind, jumbled and incoherent.

He managed to get to his office, but he couldn’t sit down or relax. He was in his safe place, but he didn’t feel safe. His thoughts were still so mixed up. He needed to do something. He needed to find some way to make himself feel better. He started writing on the walls with an ink covered finger, although the writing was rough and rather worse than his usual handwriting. 

Time is money

Taxes

It doesn’t add up

48128 Short

Money

He wasn’t sure why he was doing this. He had to get the thoughts out somehow. He had to get them out. 

That was when Shawn arrived. He’d assumed Grant would come to his office. That was the place that Grant felt the safest in. It stood to reason that, even in his altered state, he would want to go to the place he felt safe. Shawn stopped in the doorway, so relieved he almost wanted to cry. 

“Grant.” He took a step toward the accountant. “I knew I’d find you here. Are you alright?” Grant turned slowly around. A part of him recognized Shawn, and that part kept him from immediately trying to attack. 

“Sha...wn...” Some ink dribbled down his chin as he spoke, his voice almost a croak. 

“Yeah, it’s me.” Shawn smiled, taking another step toward Grant. “I’m sorry for running off like that. You’re probably really scared right now.” Grant made a whimpering sound, nodding slightly. He was scared. There was a deep primal urge tugging at his consciousness, telling him to attack Shawn, to infect him. To vomit ink down his throat until he choked. But Shawn was his friend. Shawn had always protected him and kept him safe. 

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Shawn said. “I’m going to protect you now.” But they both knew he was wrong. In the doorway, Searchers were beginning to appear. Grant’s eyes widened. He wanted to cry out. He wanted to warn Shawn of the threat. But he couldn’t force any sounds out. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, trying to force himself to speak.

“Sha...wn...” He croaked as the Searchers advanced on his friend. 

“Yeah, that’s me.” Shawn looked on the verge of tears. “I’m here.” 

Then the Searchers overtook Shawn. They dragged him down, pinning him to the ground and doing exactly what Grant had felt so compelled to do. They held his arms and legs, vomiting ink down his throat. Shawn struggled and fought back for a bit, but he knew there was nothing he could do, and so he soon grew still. A wave of frustration, fear, and sorrow overtook Grant and he began to panic. He threw the contents of his desk onto the floor, screeching at the top of his lungs. Unbeknownst to him, when he threw the objects to the ground, he happened to turn on a tape recorder that had been on his desk. 

The sounds captured on that tape were frankly horrifying. They were like nothing anyone would have ever heard before. In his state of intense emotion, Grant was no longer capable of coherent speech. All he knew was that his friend was being hurt and he could do nothing to stop it. The Searchers paid him no mind. He was one of them already, after all. No need to attack him.

It didn’t take long for the infection to take hold and Shawn to come back. The other Searchers left, but Shawn remained. Some unconscious part of him wanted to stay with Grant. He’d wanted to protect Grant, and so he would continue to do so. Grant’s emotions were starting to fade once more and he moved closer to Shawn, whimpering quietly. Grant rested his head against Shawn’s, making a comforting noise. 

In the days that followed, he and Grant stayed together for the most part. They patrolled the corridors with Lacie, always together. Lacie herself would sometimes visit Bertram when she wasn’t with Grant and Shawn and Joey wasn’t having her doing things. She still remembered Bertram. Bertram didn’t mind her company, occasionally talking to her. He knew she probably couldn’t understand her, but it made him feel better to talk to her anyway. Rarely, very rarely, she regained her sapience and they would reminisce about old times and complain about Joey. It made their torment a little more bearable.

[mwolf0epsilon]

DBH - OC Ideal Pets

I'm still trying to finish up the Fallout AU Info Doc (I'm stuck on a few choices for what characters will be, especially Josh), so to keep up some activity I've decided to do a post about which kind of pet would be ideal for my OCs.

The list will be a bit long (because I have an absurd amount of OCs) so I'll put it under a cut if anyone is interested in taking a look.

---

[[MORE]]

--Androids--

Joel (EM400) - Despite being terrified of dogs, Joel's ideal pet is and will forever be Chitin, the android German Shepherd that has been nothing if not patient and loyal towards him. Joel's fear of dogs (especially rottweilers) still persists on some level, but Chitin helps him as a therapy animal.

RJ (EM400) - Despite being a rogue unit of the Jerry hivemind RJ still has a fascination for pirate thematics like his many brothers. As such, he has a fondness for exotic and brightly colored fish and other aquatic critters. The grand jewel of his vast collection is a tiny blue ringed octopus he calls Kraken.

Sergei (PL600) - Due to his many psychological issues, Sergei is not allowed to have a pet of his own. Instead he's being educated on proper petcare by Noah who keeps a close eye on him.

Noah (PL600) - Thanks to his great love for animals and veterinary studies, Noah is very capable around all sorts of critters. He has at least three cats (Elvis, Freddy, Brian), one dog (Melanie), five bunnies (Emma, Geri, Beyonce, Shakira, Kesha) and a guinea pig (Phil). They're all named after old singers which Sergei finds amusing.

Dimitri (PL600) - Dogs. Lots and lots of dogs. He has a lot of love to give to creatures that are inherently loyal and loving towards him. He's not only a professional dog-walker but also the Cullen family's official dogsitter. He has two puppies (A Rottweiler named Peach and a Doberman named Bowser) and is also quite attached to Roky and Chitin. He'd want to get a pet bat just to teach it to divebomb people (the threat of rabies is amusing to him).

Seymour (PL600) - Animal magnet. All animals just naturally love Seymour since he goes out of his way to feed strays. As a result you'll find a group of cats and dogs following him around town when he's either on or off duty as a police officer. He owns a massive Great Dane named Adonis.

Apollo (AP700) - He loves dogs but wouldn't be opposed to having a cat since they're more independent and he has Chance to care for. Despite his fondness for animals he'd appreciate it if Dimitri didn't constantly bring strays back home...

Proteus (IO100-P) - Took in his creator mom's three android cats and roomba after he returned home from the Io escape mission. He absolutely loves cats and would be the kind of guy to become a crazy cat-person. He thinks it's less of a problem and more of a compliment.

Dakota (CX100) - She would love to have a parrot. Chatty smart critters are a delight to her, and she'd greatly enjoy teaching it to greet people at the door or even on the phone. The only reason she doesn't own a pet is because she's very indecisive over what species she'd want to get.

Monochrome (CX100) - Not much of a pet owner. He's content with playing with Mile's bizarre android python, PB, who has the processor of a dog. He thinks she's pretty cool.

Baptiste (CX100) - He's terribly scared of animals.

Jindosh (HR900) - Horse kind of guy. He would greatly enjoy owning a ranch at some point, where he could train draft horses. He's not much of a rider himself, but just working with imposing and powerful animals brings him a sort of blissful tranquility.

Veronica (WR400) - She's a cat-person and isn't very fond of dogs, which is hilarious considering her and Scott's situation. She eventually gets a Siamese cat she calls Sir Rolland the Regal.

Scott (HR400 In K9300 Body) - As he's currently stuck inside a dog's body, it's pretty silly to get a pet. When he eventually does get a humanoid body again, he actually keeps the K9300 body and gets a processor for it. The dog's name is Old Friend.

Miles (RK300) - PB is the best noodle puppy in existence and he loves her too much to get any other pet. He has a great love and admiration for snakes, and thinks dogs are lovable and loyal.

Tristan (RK700) - He has a pet chameleon named Preston. It's a pretty ornery thing, but quite chill when he handles it. He likes to carry it around his apartment when he's alone and sort of vents to it since the reptile won't pass any judgment on his past actions. Tristan would kill for his pet chameleon if anyone so much as eyed it weirdly. He's incredibly attached to it.

Uma (???) - She spends a lot of time at Mr. Siddiq's abode to mingle with the exotic animal androids. She seems to be really taken with big cats and with wolves. At some point she rescues a wolfdog that was sent to a shelter to be euthanized. She named it Essex.

Bo Siddiq (YK500) - She doesn't keep pets since she already has access to all of her dad's rescued animal androids. Her best friend is Sasha the tigress.

Hearse (MC500) - He isn't very good with living beings, Dr. Ojomo's children are already complicated enough to look after, but he won't deny possums are pretty "metal". He started feeding one that's gotten into their garbage lately... He calls her Raven.

Eddie (WK218) - Myu's cat, Bravo, is his bestest friend in the whole world. He's extremely gentle with him and loves to spoil him rotten.

Stag (Hybrid Model) - Due to his alterations he's not patient enough with animals. He does follow a specific herd of deer sometimes and admires them from a distance. They seem to not be scared of him due to his antlers.

Bear (Hybrid Model) - Jordan wishes he could keep a pet as company. Sadly, since his reprogramming causes him to go aggressive whenever something approaches (excluding a very minute list), he doesn't want to risk going near any local fauna. He doesn't like bears very much (contrary to popular belief), instead if he could he'd like to own a rat (he thinks they're cool and pretty smart).

--Humans--

Valentina Hernández - She has Regi who honestly is more his own person and her personal bodyguard than a pet. She also rescues animal androids that have been negligently modded (she was the one who gave Miles PB since she couldn't undo the damage her original owner did to the poor python) by amateurs. If she were to get a pet she would go out of her way to either get a goose or a goat (her father had a goat named Pablo and her mother a goose named Rosalinda, they used to tell her stories about them).

Artyum Kutznekov - Has a brown tabby cat named Misha, and often rescues abandoned kittens he finds on the streets, nursing them back to health before finding them proper loving homes. He's a very nurturing guy despite his grumpy disposition and intimidating size. Val finds it hilarious how he can hold three kittens in one single hand.

Benjamin Peterson - Has a thing for spiders, which has caused several arguments between him and Val. He owns a Mexican Red Tarantula named Tarantino, and he is definitely the guy you call when there's a spider somewhere in your house. He either rescues them or (if they're big enough) offers them up to Tarantino as sacrifice.

Dr. Ojomo - She has a great fondness for birds, specifically birds of prey. On weekends she goes to a sanctuary to help rehabilitate endangered wild birds. She has handled owls and vultures alike. She's taken notice of Earl's habit of feeding the possum that keeps getting into their garbage and finds it adorable.

Elisa "Myu" Corvo - She's without a doubt a cat-person, but she does like dogs as well. She owns a rescue cat named Bravo.

Mr. Asad Siddiq - He rescues exotic animal androids from negligent owners. His collection is incredibly vast and even includes dinosaur androids. All of his animals (except a few very difficult abuse cases) are incredibly fond of him and will approach him openly. His favorites are Sasha the tigress (his very first rescue), Ahri and Jolene (a coral snake and a rattlesnake), and the large herd of giraffes he has amassed from different zoos.

[madamephantom]

i guess we’re doing this

First off @dyn-in-purple congrats on going the fuck off on a joke post, but by now you’ve already proven how easily things just go completely over your head so I’m not gonna touch that.

I wasn’t gonna dignify your “opinion” with a response because it was obvious that all you wanted to do was start a fight, but today you caught me in a different mood so I guess we’re gonna do this.

To start things off! Let’s look at said “opinion” that you so graciously presented me with:

I’m gonna address the first half of your “opinion” because honestly that’s the only part of your “opinion” where you actually have actual statements regarding why you think Syndrome would win in a fight against Evelyn.

1. “He’s just as clever, but WAY more chaotic and unpredictable which could give him a hudge adventage on Evelyn.”

Syndrome isn’t chaotic OR unpredictable; in fact, he’s extremely goal oriented. Did you forget the whole plot of the movie where he held a fifteen year grudge against Mr. Incredible and how his whole entire motivation was not only killing Mr. Incredible but proving that he could be a better superhero than he ever was? Maybe you mistook the fact he killed all those supers in the process for “unpredictability” but Syndrome is, at heart, an inventor and probably a scientist. Any super he did away with was working towards the end goal, which was to eventually create a robot that was strong enough to kill Mr. Incredible. Guinea pigs, in a way. The only unpredictable thing he did was try to kidnap Jack-Jack, which was just the desperate actions of a man that didn’t want to admit he lost. On top of that! Evelyn didn’t have to murder anyone to get her plan in motion! Her plan was never to murder anybody! She planned everything by herself and did it right under her brother’s nose. In fact, she probably never would have been caught if Helen didn’t get involved. They both may be brilliant inventors, and just as smart as the other in that respect, but when it comes to being clever? It’s debatable.

So, already you’ve proven that you don’t really understand Syndrome’s motivations or personality, let’s move on!

2. “Plus his motivations and ambitions are stronger than Evelyn’s imo...and we all know he could bullshit his way out of anything lol.”

There’s one thing we can agree on; he bullshitted his way into the Parr home to an emotionally and physically exhausted teen babysitter who was just desperate to get away from the baby. Syndrome can be charming and nice when he wants to be, I won’t deny that. Though, I will point out that a lot of this “trickery” when it came to the supers he lured to Nomanisan heavily involved Mirage being used as a lure but that’s a post for another day.

However

Are you really trying to suggest that Syndrome getting his feelings hurt by his hero as a child, holding onto that grudge for fifteen years, and having a pissing contest with Mr. Incredible at the expense of many innocent supers and civilians is somehow a stronger motivation than Evelyn’s father’s complete faith in superheroes, which lead to him being murdered in cold blood and driving her mother into an early grave because of it...you’re really gonna sit here and tell me that Syndrome’s motivations and ambitions are stronger than Evelyn’s? At least Evelyn is sympathetic, her reasoning behind wanting to do away with supers is understandable even though she obviously went about it in the wrong way; neither of them are justified, just gonna put that out there right now. Syndrome is a petulant child that didn’t get his way, and Evelyn’s family was torn apart by her father’s death. The two don’t even compare and the fact that you would even try to just proves to me how little you understand about Evelyn’s motivations in the first place. 

Alright, so we’ve gotten that out of the way! Now, onto the rest of your “opinion”, the whole reason I wasn’t going to reply to your “opinion” in the first place!

“Buuut I somehow am under the impression that y'all praising Evelyn just because she’s a woman that is headcanoned as a lesbian so OF COURSE she would kick this gross white cis male’s ass (even tho Syndrome could perfectly be headcanoned as Bi lol and yes he’s evil but he has done nothing abusive towards women. Him and Mirage seemed to be perfectly happy and in a healthy relationship before the M.Incredible false threat incident).”

Okay. This mess here? Is you just trying to start a fight. Nowhere in my original post did I even mention what sexuality I thought Evelyn was, or Syndrome for that matter so I have no idea why you’re even bringing it up. Oh wait, yes I do! Because the big bad Tumblr hivemind hates men uwu! Shut the fuck up. I don’t give a fuck if you headcanon Syndrome as bi, or whatever you wanna call a headcanon, this is word vomit for the sake of being offensive and trying to get a rise out of people, eat a dick you ignorant troll.

Secondly! Oh, that false threat incident with Mr, Incredible? You mean the whole reason for Mirage’s heel turn and yet another significant plot point in the movie? That shows he really never gave a shit about her and was willing to let her die to prove a point? That’s healthy to you? Wow, alright then.

“I have nothing against Evelyn but stop  praising her for the wrong reasons and try to actually analyze the character okay ;)”

Your whole response, from start to finish, shows how little you understand about character analysis and motivation, and the plots of both movies for that matter!  You’re an ignorant child looking to pick a fight when you have nothing to back you up. How about you actually learn something before coming at me again, you condescending nothing of a person.

[cemeterygatesmedia]

Stranger Things 2: An Entertaining, Soft-Remake of the Original?

The first portion of this review contains no major spoilers, while my comments on the individual episodes in the second half, will. 

The first two episodes, or ‘chapters,’ of Stranger Things 2 unequivocally reminds us that we identify ourselves by the media we choose to consume. When the characters are reintroduced we’re practically nostalgic for the first run of the series, which only aired a little over a year ago. The first series created an environment reminiscent of many of our childhood brushes with pop-culture, adventure, the awkwardness of navigating puberty etc. The second run practically doubles-down on recreating that environment from the get-go, and then as the series progresses the Duffer Brothers deftly ease off that particular pedal, and let us settle back into the day-to-day troubles of Hawkins without the distraction of a constant barrage of ancient product labels, toys, fashion, and music to take note of.

Stranger Things 2 is a grander remake of the first series. Our heroes reemerge to once again take on the government lab baddies and its out-of-control science experiment, although this time the threat looms even larger over Hawkins. One would assume that replaying the same plot points might mark this series as stale, from the third or so chapter on, but the characters do grow, and there are enough mini-arcs involving our favorite returning heroes to maintain interest. For me, the first run of Stranger Things often dragged, while the characters did keep me watching, Stranger Things 2 certainly kept up the pace of the story, and only hit a road bump with Eleven’s side-story in the big city. 

Speaking of which, I do have to address the opening chase scene, with the cast of characters we’ll only come to again in Chapter 7. There seems to be no purpose for introducing these folks here. The van chase should probably begin the fifth chapter, where the lead, Kali, is hinted at in a flashback. For me, Kali and her gang is the one glaring misstep of Stranger Things 2. Her Eleven-like powers are introduced in the first few minutes of the series, and the viewer is left waiting for some sort of explanation, or purpose for her in the story arc, yet the distraction has little to no payoff.

Before I get to comments on individual chapters, I must say that Stranger Things 2 is well done, a superior product to the original, if you don’t detest, or fixate on, the fact that this second series is nearly a soft remake. I’d recommend Stranger Things 2 to anyone who broadly enjoys sci-fi or horror.

The following portion has spoilers and should serve as a brief episode guide, so here’s your warning if you haven’t seen the complete series.

Chapter 1: Madmax (Rating: 4/5)

Max is a redheaded girl who is always at the arcade, the boys are instantly enamored of her and stalk her. Her older brother, Billy, quickly becomes the new, even more narcissistic and nasty version of series 1 Steve, now that Steve is a sweetheart, older brother archetype to the boys.

Barb’s family has hired a private investigator and are selling their house to pay for it, although Nancy and Steve know she’s dead, but won’t say. It’s a real moral dilemma for Nancy, as it should be. We figure out quickly that most of the characters have kept quiet about what occurred at Hawkins National Lab. 

Paul Reiser is Will’s psychiatrist, Dr. Owens. Dr. Owens is the a more sympathetic version of Dr. Brenner, although he still represents faceless, uncaring bureaucracy that manufactures horrible weapons and wants to treat special kids like guinea pigs.

Eleven is living with Hopper in a cabin deep in the woods.

Chapter 2: Trick or Treat, Freak (4/5)

Eleven is still having visions, mainly to let the viewer in on the fallout from the previous season.

Hopper begins investigating poison pumpkins and vegetation. First major, “Come on, dude” moment. Hopper is only a year away from dealing with plant issues. The first thing he should think when he sees a field full of rotted vegetation is Inter-dimensional Plant Monster.

The boys go trick or treating with Max and have a great time until Will has a vision of a menacing behemoth in the sky. This is such a rich, nostalgic episode, although it doesn’t quite have enough trick or treating scenes as one might hope.

Chapter 3: The Pollywog (3/5)

Dusty finds creature in trash can outside his house. The creature transforms and Dusty is a dummy who will smack himself (again) when he sees Life (2017).

El wants to leave cabin and see Mike, but Hopper wants to keep her his secret. This was probably a missed opportunity to have an ultimate Halloween episode with Mike and El’s reunion. She already had the ghost sheet made, there’s no real reason why she can’t just interact with Mike and have him keep her secret.

Steve’s hair is out of control. It’s distracting by this point.

Hopper figures out the lab is the cause of the plant decaying poison…duh.

Joyce finally gets back to her paranormal investigating and uses camcorder footage from Halloween Night to see Will’s behemoth in the sky.

El goes to the middle school just to knock Max off her skateboard out of jealousy. It’s not a good look, nor a good scene.

Will stands his ground against the behemoth, taking Bob’s advice to heart, after he’s thrust back into the Upside Down, and gets consumed by the monster.

Chapter 4: Will the Wise (4/5)

They find will nearly catatonic in the parking lot of school. Will is now possessed by the entity from his visions and begins coloring a ton of pictures.

El returns home and has teen tantrum, destroys the cabin and Hopper leaves. She then finds a box with Hopper’s notes on Hawkin’s Lab under cabin and gets ideas.

Joyce and Hopper put Will’s picture together and decide they represent destroying vines.

Nancy records Dr. Owens admitting to Barb’s death. She and Steve want to burn the lab to ground, which is silly at the point, because they already knew Hawkins National Lab was most responsible for Barb’s death.

Dusty’s creature has escaped, and is found eating his cat. The creature now looks like the monster from the first season.

Hopper discovers the vast root system and tunnels under the poisoned fields.

Chapter 5: Dig Dug (4/5)

Hopper is investigating underground and gets blasted in face by sporing vine, and is trapped. Will has visions of Hopper in trouble.

Nancy and Jonathan meet up with conspiracy nut/the private investigator who was investigating Barb’s death and let him listen to Dr. Owens’ confession.

Bob walks in and solves Will’s drawings, deciphering them as a map of Hawkins, almost instantly.

El communicates with her Mom, finds out her Mom went into Hawkins Lab to try and rescue El aka Jane, and another girl, whom we can assume is the chick from first episode. El/Jane’s mom is caught, and Dr. Brenner fries her brain with some intense ECT.

Joyce and Bob manage to find, and free, Hopper. Hawkins Lab people also discover the underground tunnel system and they torch the labyrinths, which makes Will freaks out.

Chapter 6: The Spy (4/5)

Dusty and Steve discover that the creature has escaped from Dusty’s bomb shelter.

Will gets amnesia, and the episode begins feeling like It (2017) with the way everything leads back to one, evil wellspring which must be approached underground and conquered.

At this point the show begins feeling more like a horror movie than a sci-fi adventure. The kids battle monsters in a blockaded bus, while Hawkins Lab is overrun by the demadogs and the adults must fight their way out of the building.

Chapter 7: The Lost Sister (2/5)

Eleven finds Kali, her lost ‘sister’ from Hawkins lab, in Chicago. They share information and decide they’re going to track bad guys. Their first target states that Dr. Brenner is still alive, Kali seems to believe him. This bit of incredibly important information is quickly forgotten.

Cops bust Kali’s gang, while El has a vision of Mike in trouble, and parts ways with Kali and her gang. There was no reason that Eleven had to meet Kali or take part in any of Kali’s vendettas. It cheapened the overall story and was a distracting element from the first episode onward.

Chapter 8: The Mind Flayer (4/5)

The adults are still trying to escape Hawkins Lab, which is overrun by monsters. Bob’s going to reprogram some computers on the fly and save everyone.

This is the episode where we go full horror movie, fun clichés spawning left and right. Bob dies, brutally to save Joyce and the others.

The group plan to kill the underground behemoth, in order to destroy the hivemind, it generates.

They need to get information out of Will, but he’s possessed by the behemoth. Will’s friends and family tell him loving stories and anecdotes, and he ultimately gives them no new information.

El returns in time to save everyone from demadogs at Joyce’s house. She took a bus home using the money which she and Kali’s gang stole, apparently.

Chapter 9: The Gate (5/5)

Comedy finally returns to the series in the beginning of this episode! Yes, levity gives perspective, and character, to heavy drama.

The group separates to burn the entity that has possessed Will, and to take on the behemoth underground.

“I shouldn’t have left.” - Eleven. Exactly, she shouldn’t have had a side story about meeting her mom and sister, as they ultimately told her nothing about herself or gave her meaningful direction to overcome her demons.

El and Hopper go into lab and run into Dr. Owens, who’s given a tourniquet and pistol by Hopper. No real reason for this run-in to occur here.

Entity/behemoth ultimately leaves Will when Steve and his gang of kids start fire in the underground hub. While El defeats the behemoth and pushes it back through the gate.

Epilogue: There’s justice for Barb and Hawkins Lab gets shut down for good. Which is really a no-brainer as the entire structure and everyone in it got destroyed.

Hopper gets Eleven/Jane’s birth certificate from Dr. Owens, and she is now his daughter. The kids have a winter dance and hook up with each other. Final moments show Hawkins Middle School in the Upside Down.

-Joe Sullivan

[sixvisxpacem]

Pffft, as much as I hate FB (I... really don’t like fb mentality in particular XX__XX) and complain about it, what I do appreciate about it a lot is that vegetarians, vegans, and people caring about animals + animal rights actually do get their personal corner on there without SJW hypocrites or hivemind enthusiasts ganging up on them immediately and either leaving inappropriate comments or outright shaming them for focusing on the mistreatment of animals rather than ‘aaaaactual societal issues’ such as racism, homophobia etc.

It’s almost as though the latter group in particular thinks that just because a person gives a damn about animals, this actually means that they actively sabotage other causes just through that. Then again, since that is basically what they themselves do when it comes to basically any cause or issue one doesn’t get ‘SJW brownie points’ for supporting, it’s not that much of a surprise for these people to behave like that lol But yeah, it sure does reveal a lot about these people actually think and act (as opposed to the pristine image they try so hard to project) :D

But yeah, I really appreciate being able to look at looooooots of precious Esther the Wonder Pig content and precious animals in general without at least a third of the people commenting going “lol, bacon’, which is a thing that would’ve never been possible on tumblr.

[wishingfornever]

12/26/17 – No Contact:  Cobwebs

Current time is 1:14am.  I have yet to do the dishes.  Ended up procrastinating.  I’ll do it before I go to bed.

I… well, Esther saved a bunch of messages on Snapchat.  Old messages. Maybe from a year ago, before we became romantically involved perhaps?  Perhaps after as well?  Oh, it seems they were on January 18th of this year.  Her birthday.  These are things I told her.  I’ll share them now: “I wish you could know yourself as I know you.  It may not seem like it, but you’re strong.  You’re tough.  You’re resilient.  You’ve done so much, you’ve withstood so much, and you’ve overcome so much.  It may not seem like it, but I admire you.  You’re like a mouse challenging a titan and somehow you’re still standing.  You don’t need me.  you’ve never needed me.  I’m just lucky to come along for the ride.  I’m not saying you’re invincible, but I swear it seems like it.”

“If [I] were blind, I’d still rate you a 10.” “I was fantasizing about us at my parent’s ranch.  I sincerely believe you’d have a good influence on me.  I’m imagining my dad embarrassing himself trying to talk to you.  He’s been stumbling over his own words since I left for Texas.” “Team? You’re the one running the show.  I just look cute in a skirt and wave pom poms around.” I believe we have an innate hive mind.  All humans.  Like, that’s how so many inventions happen at once all over the world.  The Wright brothers with their plane? Other people were working on the same thing at the time and several actually flew.  However, they could only [fly] straight.” “You will get along with my mom.  When she was 18, she also moved out which was unheard of in Mexico.  She and my grandmother didn’t speak for sometime when she did.” “Besides, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I love most about you is your charming and affectionate posts on Tumblr because it reflects a poetic and clever mind, but it helps. I can get in a conversation with you, I can engage you [mentally], I can learn and expand.  Sex is just sex, but a beautiful mind is a difficult thing to find. I love you, Esther.  Not because you’re cute or physically attractive.  I love you because of your voice, your thoughts, your perspective and reasoning.  You’re more than a pretty face.  You’re beautiful.  Everything about you is beautiful.” The words in brackets are words that had to be changed because the original word was missing or incorrect.  Rather than explain it (because I definitely corrected it, but she didn’t save the correction) I’m just going to edit it ever so slightly.  Also did some punctuation corrections but that doesn’t require brackets.

She and her mom had a falling out.  It was sudden and she needed to get away.  Basically, no one would take her in (or at least I was under the impression) and she had nowhere to go.  People she had asked ended up flaking on her.  So, she was basically going to be homeless. I asked Adela if we could take her in and eventually convinced her. I tried to keep our relationship secret at first, but when Esther arrived, I couldn’t.  But I’ll get back to that later.

I was also living with my parents.  The reason I was at Adela’s was because she needed a housesitter and I was too depressed back home. I felt ASHAMED that I’d have to bring Esther to live with myself and my parents, but I warmed up to the idea over time.  Of course, I asked my mom to ask my dad because she’s more reasonable.  Of course, she asked and they approved.

I basically built her up.  A lot of bad things had happened to her, so I was trying to make sure she wouldn’t fall.  This was big.  She was happy.  Hopeful.  I didn’t want anything to stop that.  And I’ve always been a bit of a hard ass because my dad was a hard ass, too.  So, I told her I admired her.  And I did. Only with her have I had a breakup this bad.  She’s unique.  Everything about her, everything I’ve felt because of her… it’s been unique.

The “If I were blind” comment.  Accidentally said “you” in the original.  Because blind women aren’t attractive.  Kidding, of course.  I’d still think she were beautiful if I were blind, meaning I didn’t need her to be attractive.

Back to the ranch thing… yeah, I was scared.  I was very scared of having her there.  I wanted to leave the ranch as soon as possible but it’s so FUCKING hard to get anywhere because it’s so remote. And summer… I hate summer.  It literally drains me.  I get so depressed during the summer.  It’s bad.  It’s like the flooding of the Nile.  And my dad makes it worse.  He always makes it worse.

Whatever. The point is, I had hoped she’d help me fight the summerly depression.  I guess it was the worst depression of my life due to the event, but it was pretty bad before, too.  I hate it.  And of course, Esther says I don’t get to be depressed.  I’m not allowed to… that’s not a good enough excuse.

Ugh… her oxytocin for Dennis.

Anyways, she said we made a pretty good team but really, I gave her a ton of control.  She was doing her own thing and I was supporting her.  I wanted her to feel like she was carrying the flag and leading the charge.  That this was something she was doing herself.

The hivemind thing was me talking about how humans have similar ideas wherever they are.  It springs up within a decade.  Many historical coincidences.  Not sure why she saved it; I guess she enjoyed my philosophy.

My mom is a trooper, too.  Was hoping the similarities would inspire her.

And finally… yeah, I got very emotional.  That was all written within 10 minutes of each other so were technically part of the same segment.  Thus, I included them all together.  I don’t think Esther got in a word.  I loved her.  I know you know, but I really did.  I still do.  I believed in us.

When the event was going down and we were still on somewhat good terms… we had a temporary motto.  “In it for the long run.”  Look at us now.  She wants nothing to do with me and I’m still stuck on her. I’m still in it for the long run, but she stopped long ago.  So, it’s a journey of love that I travel alone. Masturbation is my highway.

Alright, not that funny.  Anyways, Ariel… the dog.  She kept him from getting hit by a car or something?  It was cold and he was scared and she held him and waited for the police to pick him up.  The dog refused to leave her initially but eventually went with him and was returned to his people.  So, the dog is fine and Ariel has good karma coming her way.  I’m glad for her.  :D Anyways, I’m going to turn on music and do the dishes.  I’ll fuck around with the bathrooms and laundry tomorrow.  Or later today?  Whatever, the point is I’m off.  See you in the next paragraph.  For me, it’ll be a few hours.  Good night.

And good morning.  Or, rather, mid-day.  Slept in.

So, I stayed up watching American Psycho last night.  Had the dream of the sequel.  It was a shitty dream, mostly because Max pooped in the room.  I’ll tell you more about that when we get back from grocery shopping.  Adela’s rushing me which is weird because while cleaning it up, she couldn’t have been slower.  Brb

Apparently, we’re not grocery shopping.  Max is going to the vet.  We went out just to eat.  D’oh!  The purpose of eating out is so we don’t get crappy food for the rest of the week and just pig out.  I suspect that’ll be an issue later, but whatever.

I think Max is just eating too much right now.  The food he was switched to are these BIG cans for dogs larger than him.  So, it’s discerning to say the least.

We’re trying to get the house to look presentable.  Not sure if I mentioned this, but my mom is coming out in a few days a couple days ago. Which is to say, she’ll be here tomorrow.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Whatever. I’ll try to clean the poop a bit better because she’ll get the guest bedroom.  Back when I lived on my own in Amarillo, I hated having her over.  Not to sound ungrateful, but it’s such a burden. My mom can get kind of nosy, too.  I’ll clean up my workspace, try to keep her from snooping on my writings.  Also will probably lock my computer?  Idk, yet.  I guess it won’t matter.  But, again, it’s such a hassle.  Everything must be sooooooooo presentable.  Don’t get me wrong, we clean up here but we don’t EXTENSIVELY clean everything like we do now.

She’ll only be here for ten days.  Leaving next year on the 7th. Not so long.  I’ll be sleeping on the couch and I probably won’t be on for very long.

Anyways, American Psycho… such a strange movie.  Not sure how much of it was in Bateman’s head and what wasn’t.  The scene with “Hip to be Square” reminds me of Walter.  Sounds like him.  Of course, Bale sounds like Jim Carrey a lot but also Walter.  When he says, “Yes, it is!” that is something Walter would say in a tone he’d say it in.

Walter, of course, is a little guy.  He wouldn’t pulverize someone with an axe.  Of course, he’s had a tough history so I’m sure he’s bumped into people who have certainly deserved it and maybe he wanted to, but he’s not as self-centered as the Patrick Bateman.  Walter is charitable and kind.  Just talks the same way, is all.

Honestly, though, if it wasn’t for all the drugs and murder, I don’t think I’d mind being Bateman.  I mean, he is SUCH a dick but his problem he has no financial issues.  That’s… so nice.  Financial issues suck hard.  Then again, maybe that’s why he was very into drugs and murder.  Because he had the money to afford it.

Of course, there are several theories suggesting he isn’t really Patrick Bateman and is someone who just took over his life/apartment/career and another saying he hasn’t murdered anyone which is why the characters he constantly interact with never dies.  I thought about whether he actually killed anyone at all due to that whole Grand Theft Auto scene where he was basically playing GTA and murdered a bunch of people.  Spoilers.  Like, that killing spree… it was a bit too much.  And he goes through the same building twice.  Idk, it’s a movie that makes you think which is nice.

The sequel I saw earlier this year.  It was… not the best, but it wasn’t the worst.  As I said, I had a dream about it.  Mila Kunis was just murdering people and eventually she walked away.  During, I smelled dog crap but didn’t know what it was and ignored it.  Then I woke up to Max poop all over the carpet.  D’oh!

Got water and vinegar.  Trying to get as much out of the carpet.  Did a hard scrub before we left for food.  I’m absolutely stuffed right now, still.  Went to the bathroom, too.  See, this is slowing down my weight goals.

Speaking of, today is… Tuesday?  Tomorrow, I’ll weigh myself.  Get in the habit of weighing myself every Wednesday.  Except my mom will be here… for over a week.  So, I won’t be able to measure myself because it’ll be in that room.  And I just remembered, I won’t have a nice, private place to fap.  And even if I find the time and place, my mom will probably be around the house so I can’t have noise on my porn if I choose to watch it.

My masturbation highway has turned into a no-fap detour.

Whatever. It’ll be fine.

Going to clean now.  Before I do, I found a red hair recently.  From my scalp.  I have a few red hairs in my beard, but my scalp… and this was like… damn near scarlet.  I thought it was discarded Christmas decoration at first.  I, being the vain and possibly narcissistic bastard that I am, have considered getting some feminine products. Basically the hair color changers or whatever.  Where it’s brown or black or blonde or whatever.  Various colors that hide gray hairs.  I think I also mentioned how I kind of want to get an implant in my left calf to make it look more even with the right calf.

The hair thing would be super temporary, though.  Reason being is that if I enlist, then they’ll shave my head.  No point in dying my hair if it’s going to get shaved off in about… four months?  Yeah, just about considering it’s nearing the end of December.  The calf implant though… it’d be expensive.  Like, very expensive.  Maybe military benefits would cover it?  Then again, it’d be totally cosmetic, so unlikely.

Or actually… if I get sent to ANY foreign country, I can see if I can get stationed in a country that doesn’t naturally set the medical prices too high.  But that’d mean I’d have to enlist for 4 years just to have some say.  If you enlist only for 2, they’ll send you where they need you.  With 4, you have some say of where you go.  Or maybe I can just find a way to get to Spain to get the surgery there?  Maybe take advantage of leave or something.  But I’d have to find out the price.

Just looked it up.  4.5k to 6k dollars if I intend to get it.  Then again, I only need one.  And there is a chance that I won’t be able to walk right after.  So, it might not be that expensive.  You know, I could probably just get it in Mexico.  “Oh, but the doctor’s are from a third world country and don’t know-” shut up.  No.  Just, shut up.  If I get it in Mexico it won’t be any different from the US.  The difference would be that I won’t be getting robbed.  US doctors aren’t any better than foreign doctors.  The price isn’t a reflection of quality.  That’s why capitalism is failing and the US economy has been shit.

People like to say, “Oh, why you buying a $5 coffee everyday?  Save your money and buy a house, you bums!”  I saw that in a post and it was trending for a little while but it’s dumb.  The idea of an economy is that people spend, not that they save.  If they save, then there is no money running through.  Think of the economy like a river, the more freely it runs the better.  “Free market economy talk from a commie?”  No, shut up and let me finish.

When you save money, your portion of the water isn’t running down the river.  You’re basically building a dam.  And then other people will ALSO save their money and they will ALSO build a damn.  The more damns that are built means less water going down the river.  It turns into a little stream and that’s not enough for the fish or the plants to get live and be watered so the ecosystem suffers.  So, when people aren’t spending then the economy suffers.

People don’t make enough money to afford a $5 coffee every day.  You’re being REALLY generous if you think so many people have a routine that involves spending $35 a week on coffee alone.  The majority of people in the US live in debt.  The majority of people in the US can’t afford jack shit.  The majority of people in the US are actually REALLY poor.  The entire concept of money is that it’s not infinite.  That’s why it’s valuable.

Sorry, I left to clean some toilets.  Adela isn’t back yet and it’s nearly 5.

Backing up to economics, people really should get $5 coffees.  That’s part of the economy, after all.  The people who serve those coffee need paying jobs, after all and it’s probably not paying enough for them to afford $5 coffees themselves.  Of course, they’ll probably get free coffee because coffee shops are actually really good to their employees for some reason.  Regardless, materialism is a good thing for the economy.

Went shopping.  Alone.  Adela came back and wanted to stay with Max which is fine.  She gave me a list and everything as crossed off.  Not sure I missed anything.  Toilet is broken on the floor I use.  It happened the first time I came out, too.

While shopping, I began texting Diana.  Before shopping, I was messaging Daniel.  I find him quite refreshing if not also perhaps a bit disheartening.  He’s a reminder of the event, after all.  The last link of whom I still speak with.  He is kind, though.  A better soul than Dennis or Shane.

He is quite stressed and he won’t tell me why.  Not because he doesn’t want to share but because there is a lot on his mind.  So much so that if he were to write it out for me, he joked he would get carpal tunnel.  Which is a pity.  So, I did what I normally do.  I wrote propaganda.  I tried to rebuild his morale.  It began with him asking how I was able to stay happy… every day.  He doesn’t know.  All he knows is what I show.  He only knows me for my smiles rather than the crippling emotions that hide behind my eyes.  Every now and then, I’m overwhelmed and my eyes leak, emotion dripping like blood from a fresh wound.

I’m getting awfully poetic.  Apologies, I decided to revisit the Grand Budapest Hotel.  A delightful movie.

Anyways, I told him denial.  I try to look towards the future.  Told him I have goals that I’m close to achieving.  Sometime in April, a new chapter of my life is to begin.  I didn’t tell him that I will vanish.  I didn’t tell him that I intend to escape from it all and enlist.  I didn’t tell him that I intend to bring Ariel out before I finally flee.  I smile to hide my sorrow.  I smile because I know that soon, I shall flee.  Melancholy is that of freedom; from myself and my past.

It’s not all negative.  I told him that smiles are contagious.  He smiles, the world will smile with him.  I know this because when I smile, the world will smile with me.  I also told him to find moments to just enjoy the little things and shared my Titanic reference from work. Only I laughed but that was more than enough laughter for one day.  I also sent him to a video that Ariel sent me to.  The one of the Indian guru talking about… smiles.

Diana was less sentimental.  Rather, it was more trivial questions asking about sushi and bubble tea, asked her how her day was going and how she was spending it, told me that she was watching a series with her sister and continued to remind me how close with her family she is. She asked if I had any siblings.

Of course, I told her yes.  Yes, but I wasn’t really close with any of them.

Hasn’t messaged me since then.  Probably wise.  I wonder how she sees me. I’m loud, energetic, eager, and always smiling.  That’s how the customers tend to see me.  Her?  She’s starting to see more, perhaps.  She may find it quite peculiar that I’m so happy yet so disconnected with my own family.  Perhaps she’ll see the neurotic side Esther saw or thought she saw.  I’m not even certain of my own mental stability.

Regardless, I wonder how much I should reveal to her.  Diana actually reminds me of… Dennis, ironically.  She has a My Chemical Romance sweater she wears while at work.  Guess who was really into that emo stuff back in the day.  Dennis was!  There are other traits and sort of quirks that reminds me of him.  Strange, really.

Of course, she’s not overweight.  And she’s quite funny, her personality isn’t that of Dennis’s at all.  Then again, she may be more vocal due to my being more vocal.  I don’t know enough about her to make that decision yet.  Of course, I know she has a strong family bond yet Dennis is not one for family, unfortunately.

Not trying to trash his name more than I already have, I’m similar in that aspect.  My sister has never been the warmest and my father has never been the most understanding.  When I left for Texas the first time, I drifted further away from my family.  I fear one day, my sister and two half brothers… my cousins… my aunts and uncles… my own parents.  They’ll become strangers to me.  More than they already are, now.

I need to do laundry.  It’s almost tomorrow.  I can’t help but think of Esther now.  Lately, the thought of her has become more prominent.  Perhaps it’s because her birthday is coming up.  Or because a year ago, she was all I could think about.  I suspect… maybe my love for her will grow stronger and become a far more fierce obsession than it already has been.  I worry.  I hope she’s well. I hope her porn is selling.  I hope for the best for her.

That’s all I can do.  Soon, my hope for her will fade.  My memories of her will fade.  Everything about her will be gone.  It’s unfair but it’s inevitable.  I mourn her passing as if she was taken by death himself.

[litesalted]

Rubber Roof Advice

I have an old house with a section of low pitch roof that we ultimately rubberized. Due to the pitch we still can’t put gutters on because of ice dams. I’m trying to find a way to divert some of the run off around the windows because when it rains you really can’t open a window. Again it’s an old house so there isn’t much of an overhang. Only thing I can find/think of is something like the ‘New Pig Spillblockers’. Anyone know if this is a good idea or not? I’m not worried about the look, it’s facing the woods. And I know it’ll work but would it damage the roof overtime?

Thank you

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