#for seungri throughout the events of 2019 and the trial that followed

[daesungindistress]

Hi, me again, a long-time fan, especially of the Carnivores series. I saw you took down Carnivores. I understand why, but I would like to share my thoughts. Please hear me out.

Unlike some of the other stories you took down, Carnivores is all about Daesung. To me, it is about Daesung’s temperament, resilience, and all the little things cute and lovable about him. It is about how he copes with the world around him. It is not about that person at all. How can that very minor, irrelevant part of story, or person, take away something so beautiful. This, sadly, kind of already happened in the real world. I just hope it won’t repeat again here, or ever.

You and many of us probably gave that person too much credit. Do you find him remotely interesting enough to be really worth your time and struggle? Is that person worth you throwing away all the hard work and talent you put into Carnivores? Carnivores seems special to you, like it is to me, and he is not worth it. The world is a complex jungle, we can never overcome all the evil, but at least we can celebrate the light that we found.

Something more practical. In most chapters, except for Bright Like the Sun, that person didn’t really play much of a role. As far as I remember, he didn’t even show up in New Heights, Laying Claim, First of Many. These chapters also feel like they can stand alone. It is a tricky for my favorite chapter Dreams Like Ashes Float, but it is so beautiful that I just want to chop out that person's part. Or perhaps change the name? Just some ideas, not even suggestions. I am just sad that Carnivores is now gone for something so irrelevant and forgettable.

Anyway, if taking down Carnivores brings you peace of mind, please know that I respect and support your decision. I remember you were very happy and tremendously creative when you first came to this fandom. I hope you can get back to that good place, even if BigBang or even Daesung is not there. Just know that your work has inspired and is deeply appreciated by some fans.

Hi, wow, thank you 🥹

I quietly took down the Carnivores series in about October of last year, around the time I realized TOP's moon scene in Still Life was set in the future, not the past, and the music video was BIGBANG's way of telling us they were going to be apart awhile longer as they go their separate ways and pursue solo projects. I decided I should do the same -- focus on projects -- and turned my attention once again to Carnivores.

First of all, I took the series down for reasons only partly related to the former member. You're right; for the most part, his role in the story is relatively insignificant, with a few exceptions, the biggest being Bright Like the Sun, which, uh, is filled with a whole slew of problematic messaging given the state of BIGBANG today -- most notably the Seungri rescue scene toward the end (after a landslide, stuck in the mud under a crumbling bluff) and Daesung's insistence on not leaving him behind. Carnivores goes hard on the theme of family, of a "found" family -- in this case, a found family of five. Because a long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away...) that was my absolute favorite thing in this fandom. As it is now, I'm deeply uncomfortable with promoting that subject matter using the names and likenesses of the BIGBANG members, even in my past work.

I'm sorry you're sad about Carnivores being gone. I thought a few people might be when/if they found out, and I still feel a twinge of guilt over snatching it away from the few people who liked it. But my reasons for taking it private aren't all bad or sad. Not to me, anyway. I'm not ready to share in too much detail because it's still in the extreme early stages, but the plain truth is I took Carnivores down because I have plans for the series. Non-fanfiction plans. I want to turn it into original fiction with the goal of publishing it.

But before that... I need to rewrite the whole thing. Overhaul it all. No one will be removed from the story; everyone's names will be changed. Well, they already have been. After some brain retraining (lol) and a brief adjustment period, I don't even think of the guys in terms of their BIGBANG names anymore; I now think, talk, and write about them using their new names. Someone once said to me (once upon a time) that as much as the characters reflect their inspirations (the members), they have lives of their own. Though it's taken some time, in the years since I concluded the series in 2018 (and in a way, the hiatus helped with this) I feel I've finally managed to unlink them from their inspirations. While preserving their personalities, of course, and holding tightly to everything I came to love about them while developing and telling their story all those years ago. They're still familiar and dear to me, and I still want them to be known... just in a new and improved way. And to a wider audience.

On the one hand, I'm really excited about it. On the other, I'm a little overwhelmed. I spent a few weeks in the fall reading through the series slowly and critically, returning to it in a way I hadn't since its initial run in 2016-2018, and I thought, "Well, it's a start." I didn't hate it, but it was so much worse than I remembered haha. Yet, at the same time, it was neat to see my growth as an author from beginning to end, and by the time I reached Innocence and Instinct, there really wasn't much I felt required major revisions. All in all, what I used to view as a finished product I now see as a first draft. To take what I have, 300 thousand words in 8 parts, and reshape it to fit my new vision will be no small task!

You're correct in sensing that Carnivores is special to me. It always has been and I'm sure always will be. Unlike those other stories I took down, removing it from my list of fics is like gutting my body of work. Yes, the events of 2019 did dampen my fond feelings for it. But I've since found a way to love it again, and to even breathe new life into it. It's set to undergo so much change (expansion and enrichment) I didn't want it "out there" anymore in its original form, where anyone can access it and see what it used to be. And I needed to disconnect it from BIGBANG, preferably long before it reaches the publishing stage. If I can be successful with this, I think it will all be worth it.