Tumgik
#free carwash....
sharkneto · 5 months
Text
Nothing activates my fight or flight like the car wash does
5 notes · View notes
seraphdreams · 1 year
Text
we need to talk about the annual (insert gang here) bike washes!
9 notes · View notes
awkwardlyaaron · 1 year
Text
Ah yes rain
The waterer of plants
The free washer of cars
1 note · View note
myrfing · 9 months
Text
listening to heavy waves of rain roll in and out Ahe he he he Evil dog smile
1 note · View note
acherry777 · 1 year
Text
Have a free month of UNLIMITED car washes w/ the Tommy's Express Car Wash App.
Click my link, download the app, & your free month discount will be applied at checkout!
https://club.tommys-express.com/hbyh
0 notes
talietikasero · 2 years
Text
It's raining! (o^▽^o)
1 note · View note
deen-djarin · 9 days
Text
Tumblr media
Suds n’ Trunks
Summary: Joel ordered a car washing service…bikini car washing service.
Tags: 18+, No Outbreak!Joel, Cheeky Flirty!Reader, Porn with a sprinkle of plot, Daddy kink, Choking, Joel is a menace and so is reader, Oral (m & f receiving), Unprotected P-in-V, Consensual Creampie
The sun shone on the perfect suburban streets of Austin, Texas. So hot you could fry an egg if you wanted to. You rolled your windows down, driving down a neighborhood you’re not familiar with, and pulled up at the house that sits in the cul de sac, a dirty- no filthy ford pickup truck parked on its driveway.
This must be the place.
A sigh fell from your lips as you hopped off your car with your supplies in hand; a bucket, sponge, microfiber rag, and various soaps for different parts of the car. The heat was even worse after you’ve left the comfort of your air conditioned car, but the thought of being out of your clothes and soaked in suds and the cool water excites you.
Once you’ve discovered this lucrative market of bored, horny, lonely middle aged suburban guys— eager to see a show, and maybe get their car cleaned as well, you start to do this gig every summer. The money is good plus these guys tip generously.
Your service by its core is nothing but a mobile car wash, but the carwash is being done by you, clad in a skimpy bikini. c’mon, who wouldn’t want that right?
When you scored your first customer, you became a spectacle for the neighborhood. Your client shamelessly pulls out a lawn chair, having a grand ol’ time “enjoying the sun” as you wash their car. Neighbors walking out their houses mowing their already perfectly trimmed lawn, walking their dogs, cats, and some approached your client for a neighborly talk they probably haven’t had in months.
You’ve gotten the whole neighborhood out of their house basically, then your client list doubles with those people coming over to you and asking to do theirs next. Some cars don't even need washing, but you do them anyway with a smile knowing you’re gonna eat good that night.
Ever since then you decided to do this gig every summer, cheekily naming your little business “Suds ‘n Trunks”.
You ring the doorbell of the Miller’s residence and step back. You could hear a soft grumble from behind the door before it opened and reveal a scruffy, middle aged, handsome man. your eyes scans him quickly, his hair tousled, his shoulders broad, big arms, big hands, Jesus Christ you want to just-
“Can I help you?”
His gruff, deep, Texan drawl snaps you out of your trance and brings you back to reality.
“Uhm yes, Mr. Miller? you called for a car wash?” You asked him with a sweet voice you come to learn that older men love, it always works like a charm, making them tip you a fat wad of cash— these men just craved attention from a pretty girl, and you’re happy to give that to them.
“Oh..yeah you could uh, it's that one right there,” he motioned to the dirty pickup truck. You give him a smile and nodded, “okay, i’ll go on and get started then.” Joel nodded and shut the door immediately.
A red Ford bronco sat on his driveway, absolutely covered in filth. You usually don't deal with this much grime, dust, and mud. Granted, most cars you’ve washed barely need a wash, the clients just wanted to see you wet and covered in suds, which you couldn’t really blame them.
You took a breath and started to step out of your tanktop and shorts, revealing the red matching bikini you’re wearing underneath and started to go to work.
Joel was exhausted after doing several construction projects back to back yesterday, from dawn to the ungodly hours of the night resulting in his beloved truck — Shirley— looking like it had been dragged in the mud…literally.
Joel likes to take care of his things, Shirley is no exception. His free time on the weekends is often spent on his truck in the garage, polishing her to perfection. But after all the hard work he did, just the thought of washing her made his back groan in protest.
So he got the number of your services from his coworkers after they commented on the state of Shirley, a smirk planted on their faces and they kept snickering which Joel found odd, but he was too fed up and exhausted to think twice on booking your services.
Joel grunts as he settles on his couch, his cold bottle of beer in one hand, the tv remote on the other. He kicked his feet up on the coffee table, and turned on the TV.
It's finally his time for him to take his hard-earned relaxation time. which should be easy, but he could hear the annoying sputtering sound of his neighbor’s lawnmower.
That thing needs more oil. He thought to himself as he took a sip of his beer.
Then another sound of a lawnmower sounded from the other side of the house, even more annoying than the first.
What the fuck? Why are they all mowin’ the lawn at the same time? at this hour? he thought.
Then comes the obnoxious yapping of Mr. Thompson's french bulldog and chihuahua.
What the hell is goin’ on? it's a whole ruckus out there.
He groaned, frustrated that the whole neighborhood seems to be against his well deserved relaxing time. He grumbled as he strides towards his window, drawing up the blinds to see what the fuck is going on out there.
His eyes nearly bulged out, blush quickly crept up his neck to his cheeks, and his cock twitching in his pants instantly at the sight.
You, bend over in the hood of his car, wet, covered in suds, in a fucking bikini. He tried to look away, he really did, but the way your hips sways, your ass jiggled, as you scrubbed hard with the caked on mud on his truck— it was hypnotizing.
“What the hell are ya doin’?”
The sight of Joel's furrowed brow as he stared at you in your revealing outfit was a mix of disapproval and desire. Your sweet smile remained as you answered his question, "Mr. Miller! I'm just washing your car."
His gaze roamed over you, making you shiver with anticipation. "In that?" He grunted, clearly torn between his disgust and arousal. "Well, yes… It's part of my service."
The man stood silent for a moment, his confusion palpable. "Part of your service?"
"Uhm, yeah... It's a bikini car wash service… You didn't know?" you tilted your head, confused.
Joel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "How the hell was I supposed to know?"
"The name is Suds 'n' Trunks," you reminded him softly.
"I know what it's called!" he huffed, clearly frustrated.
Unsure of how to proceed, you hesitated. "So, uhm, you want me to just dress up and go or—"
"No, finish your job," he grumbled, still irritated. Your eyes trailed down to the growing tent in his jeans, confirming the source of his conflicting emotions.
You hid your smirk and purred, "Yes, sir," before returning to your task. The knowledge that you had such a potent effect on him only fueled your desire to please him.
Your back is even more curved now, ass sticking up more than they should as you washed the side of his truck, knowing Joel is looking– watching you like a hawk while he sits on the porch, a beer in his hand and a cigarette on the other. you turned your head over your shoulder just to give him a small smile, which he returned with his jaw clenching.
You bask under his gaze, your body tingling, giving him the best show you’ve ever given. you squatted as you started to clean the lower part of the truck, your ass jiggle with every hard scrub you give.
The tension between the two of you is palpable, leaving Joel frustrated, he knows damn well you’re taunting him. He’s torn between wanting to yell at you for acting so unprofessional and embarrassing him in front of the watchful eyes of his nosy neighbors— or fucking you against the truck for payback.
He sits there watching you, contemplating on what to do. You gave him another cheeky look over your shoulder and that was it, his last resolve snapped, fuck it.
“Careful with her,” he said lowly as he approached you.
You turned your head, batting your eyelashes, “Hm?”
“You’re goin’ too hard on her, just painted that part,” he murmured as he got closer, just right behind you.
“But the mud is really caked on this part,” you told him and went back to scrubbing.
“A-ah, hey,” he tutted and leaned down behind you, his large palms sitting atop of yours “Gentle…easy does it,” he murmured, his hot breath fanned against your ear.
You had to bite your lip to suppress a moan as you felt his hardness pressed against your thigh. Your hand following his movements, “There we go…there we go, good girl,” he murmured and you swore every part of your body shivered.
“This is gonna take longer to finish, sir,” you murmured, your voice a mere whisper as you turned your head to him.
“I know…but you’re gonna get a bigger reward out of it, how’s that sound hm?” he muttered to your ear before abruptly pulling away from you and sitting back on the porch.
your breath hitched, heartbeat skipping, and the heat between your legs grew hotter. You turned your head towards him to see him sitting back at his porch, his head nodded at you to continue your work, a small smirk curved his lips.
You’re halfway done with the truck when his neighbor starts to approach you, a middle aged guy you came to learn named Michael. He’s been clearly hitting on you, and trying to get a closer look on what you’re doing. which usually doesn’t bother you but you could practically feel Joel's watchful eyes boring into your back.
“So you do this for a living?” he asked as he stood a few feet away from you, “It's just a summer gig i do,” you replied with a small smile, keeping the response light.
"Sweet, it's nice seeing a young, beautiful, hard-working woman," he chuckled. Your jaw tensed for a moment before you forced a tight-lipped smile.
"Can you do my car next? It's pretty dirty too," he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows. You felt a flush of annoyance, but your eyes met Joel's, who glared disapprovingly from his porch.
"Well, uh..." you hesitated, glancing back at Joel. He shook his head, a clear indication that he didn't want you to entertain Michael's advances. "Sorry, Michael. I'm booked for today... I gotta go somewhere after this."
Michael sighed, "Aw, just my luck," he lamented. "I'll ask Joel for your number, huh? I'll book you as soon as you're free." You chuckled, "Yeah, you go do that."
Michael made his way over to Joel, asking for your number. Joel nodded, but with a grunt, he gave Michael the wrong number. A smirk played on your lips as you returned to your work.
After what feels like forever you finally finished with the last drag of your microfiber rag. You let out a sigh and turned around to Joel sauntering his way. “All done Mr. Miller,” you purred.
He looked at his truck, all clean and shiny. A satisfied smirk graced his face, “you did a good job” he praised. “Good enough to get that reward?” you murmured with your head tilted innocently. Joel let out a small chuckle “Mmhm... come on inside and i’ll get it sorted for you, pretty girl.”
Your eyes gleamed with lust and you bit your lip in anticipation as he led you inside his house. The wind hits your wet body, the coolness leaves your nipples even harder, your body tingling with need.
By the time the two of you were inside, Joel’s body was taut, like a spring ready to burst. He couldn’t hold it in anymore, his large palms grab a hold of your wet body and pinned you against his door, you let out a surprised whimper at his sudden actions.
“Been a good girl for me huh? Takin’ care of my truck,” he murmured as he leaned down and his lips grazed your jaw to the skin under your ear. “Been naughty too haven’t you? Tauntin’ me with this sweet ass of yours,” he grabbed your ass and gave it a hard squeeze making you let out a small moan, he pulled you closer, his hard cock pressing against your wet bikini bottoms.
You couldn’t help but grind your hips against him, needy and desperate for friction, eliciting a small moan from you and a groan from him. “What do you have to say about that huh? Pretty girl?,” he muttered and nibbled on your earlobe, “I’m sorry sir” you panted softly.
“Yeah? Doesn’t seem to be that sorry,” he chuckled lowly, his voice gravely and his accent was thicker than before “Think I would have to punish you… you thought it was funny huh? Makin’ me hard as a rock with those fucking neighbors watchin’?” he growled to your ear and slapped your ass, you whimpered and jolted forwards.
“I’m sorry sir..please don't punish me,” you whined and bit your lip. “You’re sorry huh? Go on, pretty thing, show me how sorry you are,” he murmured. You didn't need to be told twice, you fell to your knees, eyes wide as you looked up to his face, hands deftly undoing his belt and jeans and pulling it down along with his boxers.
Your mouth salivated just from the sight of his cock springing free, thick, veiny, and throbbing, just how you thought it would be. He gave you a nod to tell you ‘go on’, you leaned down and darted your tongue out, tasting the heady taste of his precum. He groaned and tossed his head back, hand tangling in your hair and pulled you in, you hummed and finally wrapped your mouth around his girth with a small whimper. Your jaw straining to accommodate him, tongue moving with practiced ease as you sink down deeper, taking in more of him.
“Fuck yeah..good fuckin’ girl…thats it,” he muttered and started to guide your head the way he wanted, you thrive with his praises, taking in him as deep as you could. Gagging and sputtering here and there but you didn't stop at all in search of his approval and satisfaction, you didn’t want to stop. The room was filled with the sound of his grunts and heavy breaths, along with the obscene sounds from you and your muffled whimpers.
Joel nearly came when he saw you starting to snake your hand between your legs, “Naughty fuckin’ slut, touchin’ yourself huh?” he groaned and started to thrust into your mouth, holding your head in place. “You want me to take care of that? Hm?” he growled and you whined as an answer. Suddenly he abruptly pulled you away from his cock, “get on the fuckin’ couch,” he muttered, you scrambled off the floor and quickly gotten on the nearby couch, “on your hands and knees, sweetheart,” he commanded and you did as he said, bending over, facing the backrest of the couch.
He stood behind you and pushed you legs wider, your head craned over your shoulder to look at him with your needy expression, bottom lip between your teeth. He gripped your chin and he leaned down, finally crashing his lips to yours. He was rough, didn’t even hesitate on pushing his tongue into your mouth, tongue dominating yours, making you whine and push your hips back, desperate, begging for him.
His kiss left you panting as he pulled away, he trailed kisses down your back, biting on the knot that holds your bikini top together and pulling on it and letting it unravel, his hand started to grope your tits, playing, pinching, pulling on your sensitive nipples. “Mr. Miller,” you panted “please..”
“Use your word, Baby, what do you need?” he murmured to the crook of your neck. You whimpered and kept moving your hips, “anything- please- your finger, mouth- anything, i need you,” you rambled desperately. Joel chuckled darkly, his large fingers playing with the knots of your bikini bottoms, “needy little thing,” he murmured before pulling on the knots and unraveling the red wet fabric, making it fall to the couch.
Joel practically growled at the sight before him, you, bent over with your ass high in the air, naked, your pussy dripping and ready for him. “Look at you..” he murmured and leaned down, groping your ass and pushing it apart to reveal more of you. “Mmh..” he grumbles before leaning down and placing a broad lick on your cunt. “Oh- god- Mr- mmhngh! Mr. Miller” you whined and pushed your hips more to his face. Joel groaned and started to really eat you out, his large palms splayed on your ass, face completely buried in your drooling pussy. “It's Joel, sweetheart,” he chuckled as he pulled away from your cunt for a second, “I wanna hear ya moan my name.”
“Joel..” you breathed, getting used to the feel of his name on your lips. Joel started to flick his tongue rapidly on your clit, making your eyes roll back and moan out his name, “fuck- ahh! Joel!” He grunted in response, “yeah that’s it, moan my name…mmhhh good fuckin’ girl.”
You were falling apart already at the hands of his tongue, moving on your pussy with practiced ease. Joel relished the sounds of your moans, and the sweet and tangy taste of your cunt. He groaned and started to push his thick fingers to your entrance, “Joel! Ahnghh! F-fuck! mmhngh!!” you cried out, he grunted and pulled away from your pussy for a second, “That’s it baby, you’re gonna cum hm? Gonna be a good girl an cum on my face?” he muttered and curled his digits to hit that heavenly spot within you, you whined in response, barely able to come up with words but nodded with your eyes closed in pleasure. “Good girl, c’mon, come on my face” he panted and started double his efforts, his tongue flicking on your sensitive clit, slurping all your juices, whilst his fingers kept hitting that sweet spot over and over again.
Your orgasm hits you like a freight train, you back arched and your eyes rolled back, you swore you saw stars. His name kept falling from your lips in between moans and whimpers which he responded with praises.
“good girl, that’s it”
“you’re so pretty when you cum for me”
“tastes so good baby, there you go..”
He peppered kisses across your shoulders and back as he waited for you to come down from your high. “joel..” you panted and kept pushing your hips back to grind against his throbbing cock, eliciting a groan from his lips, “yeah? you want my cock, pretty girl?” he muttered and rutted his hips against you, his cock sliding against your cunt. “yes- please joel- please-“ you let out a loud moan when he suddenly pushed his cock into your core.
“fuuuck” he groaned as he pushed himself in “fuck- shit, baby you’re so fuckin’ tight,” he panted and gripped your hips tight. “joel! oh- f-fuck hhngh!” you whimpered and gripped the back of the couch. Joel pulled back until his cock is almost fully slipped back, you whined at the loss of his stretch, then he slammed back in. “Fuck! Oh- f-fuuckk! Joeel!!” you cried out, “Yeah baby that’s it- shit- yeah take it baby, take it” he growled to your ear and wrapped your hair on his hand and yanked it back. Your head tilted back at the force and he crashed his lips to yours again, swalowing all your moans and whimpers as he fucked you with a relentless pace.
“J-joel” you warned between pants, “Yeah i know baby- fuck- yeah i can feel it,” he groaned and panted “c’mon baby give it to me, cum on my cock, c’mon” he murmured and went faster. The sound of his skin smacking against yours gets louder and louder, the couch groaned and creaked in protest. You could barely utter any coherent words at this point, just slurring his name and how good it feels between moans and pants.
Your back arched and trembles as you cry out his name like a prayer. Joel slowed down for a second, letting you ride out the orgasm, “there you go…hmm there you go” he muttered soothingly, his hips rocking deliberately, slowly. “You can take more, sweetheart?” he murmured to your ear, you couldn’t help but nod. ”Good girl,” he praised to your ear and kissed your jaw before his arm wrapped around your waist, the other around your chest and pulled you up until his chest pressed against your back. He resumed his hard relentless thrusts, his hand on your chest groping and playing with your hard nipples. you felt like floating at this point, just taking everything he gave you like a good girl.
“Who’s pussy is this?” He growled to your ear, you could barely talk just letting out sounds of pleasure, he spanked your ass hard and you gasped out a moan, “Yours! Hahngh! All yours!” you whined, Joel gripped your neck and pulled you closer to him “Who?” he demanded, you panted and choked out, “Yours daddy!” bingo.
He growled and bent you over again, his hand still tight on your neck, choking you just right. “Yeah that’s right, such a good girl for daddy,” he muttered and pounded into you. You kept choking out moans, calling him daddy over and over. He shifted his position, propping one leg on the couch to get a different angle, deeper, and it allowed him to reach that spot within you. “Oh my g- aahhngh!! daddy!! right there, oh fuck- fuck me right there!!” you cried out. He grunted and let out a dark chuckle, “there sweetheart?” he taunted as he thrusted extra hard aiming at that spot again. “yes!! yes- yes please- please i- daddy please” you rambled, begging for him, his cock has reduced you to nothing but desperate and needy. “well since you asked so nicely,” he said coyly before hitting that spot over and over again.
You felt you’re gonna shatter yet again in any second, a ticking time bomb set on your lower belly. “D-daddy i’m- hah- i’m-” you could barely finish your choked out sentence. “Yeah? Gonna cum again for daddy?” he panted to your ear, all you could do was nodded and give a whimper of confirmation. He chuckled darkly and his hand snaked down to rub your clit with fervor while his hips kept pounding to your ass, “Go on then, come for me, come for daddy,” he muttered to your ear.
Your vision blurred and you saw white. It feels like you’re barely conscious, your third orgasm hits you even harder than the last. You didn’t noticed whats happening until joel groaned, “Fuck yeah you’re squirtin’ on me baby- good girl- hhnngh good fuckin’ girl.” Your thighs trembled, wet with your release, red from his thrusts.
He finally let go of your neck and you gasped out for much needed air, his thrusts started to stutter. “Where do you want it?” he panted to your ear, “Inside, inside daddy, please,” you begged and started to move your hips to meet his. Joel couldn’t hold back any longer, 1, 2, 3 hard thrusts later and he came completely undone inside you. “Fuuuckk!! Fuck yeah- oh shit baby” he moaned, “fuck! makin’ me cum so much, pretty girl…oh yeah good fuckin’ girl,” he panted to your ear.
After his hips stilled, he pulled out of you, making you whine and clench around nothing, pushing his hot sticky seed out of you.
He chuckled and whispered to your ear, “look at you…all messy n’ dirty,” he cooed. “You cleaned my truck now it's time for me to clean you,” he murmured before peppering kisses down your spine yet again.
author’s note: THIS WAS MY FIRST FIC EVER AHSHSHEH so forgive me if its shitty or the grammar is horrible bc english is my 2nd language:3 ALSO i have never written smut before heheheh, your feedback is greatly appreciated!! thank you for reading this horny piece of literature!!
581 notes · View notes
copperbadge · 1 month
Text
youtube
Windfallswest over on AO3 linked this in the comments of The Olive Harvest, 2023 and I can't stop laughing. They called it the "mobile tree carwash" but I think of it as the TREE SNUGGLER.
[ID: A video set to music with narration about the machine being shown; it is a "high density olive harvester" which looks like a large tractor. The tractor is designed as a tall arch and rolls directly "over" the olive trees, pulling them gently into a carwash-like interior which shakes the olives free and collects them all at once. It also shows how the belts clean the olives and convey them to a hopper.]
96 notes · View notes
intergalactic-garbage · 2 months
Text
true facts about little alex horne
he can fit a penny in the gap between his teeth
has exactly 30% fewer bones than the average person
comes into work with his sandwiches cut into fingers, because he believes they "taste better"
tina turner once described him as "simply the best", and in a separate conversation, "a complete arsehole"
goes around the supermarket following people he thinks look cool, and when they pay and throw away the receipt, picks it up, and buys what they bought
nibbles and scurries his way through life like a long human rat
has his mantra going in his head at all times, and it's "absoluta pulsis voluptatem" (absolute driving pleasure)
when naked, looks like a weird, ill monkey
has crumbs in his beard dating back to the 90's
when it comes to childcare, he doesn't think his wife rachel "pulls her weight"
he doesn't really like women, because he thinks they've gotten a bit "too chopsy of late"
walks like a weird victorian clockwork toy soldier
is the answer to the question "what happens if you throw chunks of pork at a revolving carwash brush?"
his new years' resolution was "bringing back the patriarchy"
his first french kiss was with his second cousin jacob, now a legal underwriter on the isle of man
he doesn't think the NHS is very good, and according to him, some nurses are "lazy"
cries every time he watches free willy, and frees his willy every time he cries
has a separate bank account that his wife doesn't know about
as a child was so irritating, that his mother paid for "a barrage of medical tests"
he's scared of three things: slugs, small spaces, and women being allowed to vote
was once chased and bitten by a peacock in a day he refers to as "the day [he] lost [his] children's respect"
thinks all primary school teachers are the scum of the earth
thinks the refuge team that collects his bins every week are "stupid" and "don't deserve to be paid"
thinks climate change is a hoax propagated by "liberal pussies who don't know how to party"
sometimes deliberately revs his engine in traffic, because it makes him feel "like [he's] in charge of all women"
"[doesn't] know much about politics, but [he thinks] poor people should stop moaning and pull their flipin' fingers out"
is the answer to the question "what does a corpse look like when a corpse continues to grow hair post-mortem?"
his father has only ever given him one christmas gift, a beautifully wrapped piece of welsh slate, that had one solitary word engraved upon it. that word? toad.
until the age of 14 thought his penis was an eleventh finger, with the specific purpose of putting stamps onto letters
when he was young, used to practice kissing on his grandfather's pet carp "mr. suckles"
his slogan is "friendless oddball"
if it was up to him, scotland would be physically sawn off from the UK, and floated into the north sea. horne stated that "we'll soon find out how much they want independence when all they've got to eat is shortbread"
when his wife shouts at him, he whispers "get lost" under his breath
his children call him "little alex horne"
once got dragged 11 miles through the open country side by holding on to what he believed to be a horse's "fifth leg"
makes up tasks in his jacuzzi, and knows he's got a "good one", because "[his] bald ferret breaks the surface for air"
if he sees the pilot of any plane he boards is a woman, he immediately leaves
once hospitalized himself by doing high kicks to toxic by britney spears
🎶 he says he's over six foot but he's five foot four 🎶 little alex horne! 🎶
without hair would be as physically featureless as one sausage
ran away with a circus, but was sent back home, because he was annoying everyone and upset the animals
at some point nearly every day, he cries
once did a poo in a paddling pool
pretty woman is his favourite film
collects teapots that look like cottages
has no respect for the military, and if any soldier came up to him in public, "[he] could easily have them coz they're all stupid"
his head is shaped like the rubber of a pencil, and his body is shaped like a pencil
statistics are his foreplay and spreadsheets his post-coital cigarette
his wife keeps a pocketful of treats for when he remembers to "do toilet outside"
is single-handedly keeping the plastic shoe industry alive
once wet himself on a train when he was 30
hasn't bought car tax or insurance since the 90's, because he thinks it's an example of "big government"
131 notes · View notes
seat-safety-switch · 1 year
Text
Driving through our cities means that we don't actually interact very much with our cities. I'm not some kooky urbanist who believes in things like "farm to table India Pale Ales" and "marked crosswalks," but I do love to go for a walk. And that's a good thing, because my cars break down often enough that I get a lot of shoe miles in, too.
Most of my city is pretty dull. Industrial yards. Long expanses of highway with nothing in between. Haunted backroads. I try to avoid these parts nowadays, even when I'm in my car, lest the inevitable failure of an electrical system means that I have to walk back through them. No, sticking to the older neighbourhoods is what I'd prefer: tiny houses, Little Free Libraries, coffee shops, plaques commemorating the site of famous serial killings. You're not just walking through there on your way to the auto parts store, you're experiencing your city in a whole new light.
Back in the day, everyone had an unreliable car, and so the city had a lot more stuff in it. Tiny little groceries to get a popsicle from when your cooling system burst. Charming gas stations to push the car into, so that you could be ripped off by the proprietor. Now, with the advances in technology, modern cars are miraculous vehicles that can run up to the half-million-km mark without you so much as giving them a decent carwash. So there's no reason to, say, stop 9.5 km into your 35km commute to work, and hoof it towards the nearest mom-and-pop shop capable of grinding you a new distributor rotor.
If you ask me, that's very depressing to think about. Life should be full of unexpected opportunities for you to meet exciting new people who aren't tow truck drivers. Maybe that dude who watches your front suspension fall off after hitting a pothole will become your best friend. You'll never know, though, because your car's control arm is bolted on all the way by robots who weren't even a little bit drunk. Sad.
287 notes · View notes
girlpanthera · 2 months
Text
In my dream there was a carwash sign that said "release in paul Mccartney. Oh so free" and I stood there while I watched them take the sign down. (2000's) paul mccartney was also watching it get taken down with his oversized "baby" that was just his grown ass son in a diaper???? Idk what my psyche is trying to tell me
22 notes · View notes
mistress-light · 3 months
Text
Went to the carwash yesterday and I was a bit lost in thought, then I told the guy that I wanted a shower.
Him: “You’re free to stand there, but I bet you meant your car.”
Me: 😭😳😐😐😐😐😐
21 notes · View notes
sourcreammachine · 3 months
Text
LOONY PARTY MANICFESTO 2024 SUMMARY
[not a pejorative, party founder Screaming Lord Sutch was himself bipolar]
tdlr: “we are fighting this election on the basis of CHANGE… LOOSE CHANGE as this is all we’ll have left under a labour/conservative government”
💷ECONOMY
reduce taxes to 5%
get rid of value-added tax as it adds no value
ban the tipping of flies
convert number 10 and number 11 into a hairdressers called Government Cuts
abolish stamp duty because stamps are too expensive
fit airbags to the stock exchange, ready for the next crash
halve dole queues by making jobseekers stand two-by-two
improve quitters’ self-esteem by encouraging them not to start in the first place
🏥PUBLIC SERVICES
employ 80.00 teachers, police officers and nhs staff
reduce pregnancy from nine to seven months
reduce hospital waiting lists by using a smaller font
reduce class sizes by shrinking desks and making students sit closer together
glue unruly pupils together because if you can’t beat them, join them
give pensioners an ice lolly allowance when temperatures exceed 70°
🏠HOUSING
build five million new homes
aid “levelling up” by providing free spirit levels
🚄TRANSPORT
fill five million potholes
introduce an ROT to make sure all roads are carworthy
fit vehicles with a bungy rope to save fuel on the return journey
save money on paint by painting double-yellow lines where you CAN park rather than where you can’t
create the world’s biggest carwash by punching holes in the channel tunnel
👮FORCE
send all MPs who misbehave to rwanda
reduce net migration by making sure all nets are secured firmly to the ground
make terrorists wear little bells so we know where they are
replace border guards with GP receptionists to stop anyone getting in
introduce a court of human lefts
reduce prison overcrowding by releasing innocent prisoners
oppose capital punishment as it is not fair to londoners
🌱CLIMATE
wind farms to be constructed across the country where all will be encouraged to break wind
get more green cars on the road, with politicians having fluorescent green so everyone can see them coming
paint the grey squirrels red
greyhound racing will be banned to stop the country going to the dogs
puddles deeper than 7cm will be marked with a plastic duck
🗳️DEMOCRACY
MPs will have to sit in stocks during surgeries while constituents throw custard pies at them. companies to be encouraged to design new stocks, to be sold at the stock exchange
introduce a “cooling-off period” to allow voters to change their mind
replace the foreign secretary with a UK one
19 notes · View notes
ryemackerel · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
crimeboys doing crime :}
“lets go grab food for free at this cheap gas station tommy”
“YEAAAAHHHH MORE CRIMINAL ACTIVITY!!!!”
i heart them so so much
247 notes · View notes
ssahotchnerr · 2 years
Note
I know ✨nothing✨ about cars, so i looooove the idea of Aaron taking care of my car for me ❤️
<3 yes!!!!!!!!!!
while he's home on the weekends, aaron takes it upon himself to clean it for you, despite your protests that he uses his valuable free time to relax. he vacuums the car's insides, checks jack's carseat in your backseat to make sure it's safe and secure 🥹, takes it to the carwash, fills your tires with air, gets it's oil changed as needed, everything and anything he can do. and thanks to his attentive care, your car is the impediment of brand new, which blows your mind ??? - like even after months, it still has that new car smell thanks to his incredible doting on it.
he also takes your car on drives, making sure it's running smoothly so it doesn't break down and leave you stranded somewhere - especially when he's gone. he needs to make sure you (and jack!) are safe.
and once aaron's satisfied with the upkeep and he's positive your car won't give you any trouble, he always makes sure you have a full tank of gas- he fills and pays for such himself 🥹<3333
every so often, if there is something wrong and he's able to quickly fix it himself, he just looks so much more attractive doing so if it were possible?!?!!? UGH him in a tshirt, muscles flexing, getting all sweaty in said tshirt, which is just sticking to his body <33333 lil grunts exiting his mouth as he works. and if he's washing the car rather than taking it to the carwash 👀 bonus points if it's boiling outside so he's shirtless hehe <3333 sexy enough to be on a magazine cover ohmygodknds
153 notes · View notes
oukabarsburgblr · 2 months
Note
WDYM SEE YA IN SEPTEMBER DID I MISS SOMETHING
HAHAHHA
U must be new here
Two months back, i asked my audience on how to post my drafts since i had 6 of them lined up (varying completion) w a poll whether to post them consecutively or all at once.
Well the poll decided for all at once. And since im still studying and doing this for free, im supposedly on hiatus until september which is my semester break.
Altho the drafts have piled up until 20, it includes a lot, hybrid au consort au incubus au carwash au even a vampire hunter au so yeahhh im pretty packed anyways
The date might be pushed back idk, but ill try my best to get it done. And im going thru my final exams these two weeks so ill be a bit bz. Ill reblog to show the poll hahaha
13 notes · View notes