#from the other guys propaganda he is apparently a beloved side character

[lazycranberrydoodles]

COME ON GUYS DON'T LET DIANXIA DOWN

[subterra-elico]

i have an idea i wanna convey but im not quite sure how to word it but here goes anyway??

okay so like basically we all know that the way neathia is painted to be perfect and stuff is a bit unsettling (?), especially when u find out abt the power that the element had that neathia had kept to themselves, and the fact that gundalia, or at least barodius' father, was scared of neathia.

and then u got the obvious gundalia where the major 12 are obviously garbage apart from nurzak who redeems himself i guess but like. the minor 12, we dont get motivations for, apart from ren. like they all know the fate that awaits them if they mess up so like. why? are they there? were they chosen like the vexos? were they threatened? bribed? propaganda? what's!! their!! motives!!!

but of course we're looking from the perspective of our beloved heroes or something and theyre the good guys! and they're on neathia's side! so neathia good, gundalia bad, bc thats how heroes work, and to be fair there's not much of a reason to think otherwise until way later on. BUT what if we had a different perspective, like the perspective of a former villain?

one of the things i liked about new vestroia was mira!! i mean her writing went really really downhill later on bc she ended up becoming a damsel in distress unfortunately but anyways. when you think abt it, mira was a sort of former villain! before she realised, she was treating bakugan just like everyone else! obviously she was never on the same levels of batshit crazy the rest of her family was on but she gave some sort of nuancy to the people of vestal i think? and i think its kinda what they try and do with ren? but i don't think it works as well bc he just ends up. regular villain. and then former villain later on. idk it feels like the impact just isn't there especially since again it doesn't help explain the minor 12 order's motivations.

ANYWAY back to former villains, *slides alice, spectra, and gus your way* hey~ yes this whole rambling was kinda an excuse to talk abt my faves bUT HEAR ME OUT

okay actually i dont rlly have much of a specific reason for alice, i just like her, she deserves better, she knows what its like to have to do things against ur will, and she has a bit more of an understanding i think? also shes more mature than everyone too!

NOW spectra my main reason is actually, the scene post redemption w mylene and shadow prove where they try and save them, which always seemed so wild to me bc they literally just threatened mira's life, and also its been like a week at most since his redemption how has he changed that fast- ANYWAY spectra is someone who has lived under a corrupt authority, has lived around other people affected by that authority, has BEEN that corrupt authority, can apparently?? be sympathetic and try to save those who have done bad shit (same w gus interacting w hydron at the end of the season too), plus spectra is wicked smart when they want to be, which is a key distinction bc he does some dumb shit, but anyways they would probably click on pretty fast that "hey! neathia seems kinda off-putting!" and "hey! gundalia is also obviously fucked up but how willing are these kids in this whole thing?" LIKE THERE WAS GENUINELY SO MUCH POTENTIAL W SPECTRA'S CHARACTER POST- REDEMPTION THAT NEVER GOT EXPLORED (include gus in that too obviously)

basically tl;dr- the black and white morality in gi is kinda unsettling sometimes and there's so much more potential to making it more grey, also if we had the input of former villains itd help that

[inkstaineddove]

Strange Bedfellows

Ship: AusPru

Characters: Austria, Prussia; mentioned Germany, Britain, France, Poland, Czech, Slovakia

Summary:  March 13, 1938. Austria becomes swallowed by the machine tearing through Germany. Rather than be resigned to their fates as subordinate entities, Austria and Prussia agree to work together in another war, this time for the right cause.

March 13, 1938. Berlin, Germany The air between the two nations - former nations? They were no longer sure exactly - was thick. Prussia had his feet kicked up on the table, twirling a cigarette in his teeth. Austria was tightly gripping a glass of wine, his knuckles white and hands shaking. Prussia sighed out a puff of smoke. "Well, ain't this hell?" Austria shook his head. "To think we wasted those weeks in 1866 on whether I'd be apart of this state. We killed those men for nothing. All for our governments to be seized and our people to look like fools to later generations." He took a long sip from his glass. "It's ironic. All the citizen's except my own in the empire wanted independence. I'm relieved for the divorce. If Erzsébet and any of the others got dragged into this with me, I wouldn't be able to cope with the guilt." "They'll be dragged into it. This guy's an animal. All of Europe will feel his wrath."

They let that hang. Both of them found this situation to be absurd. Since 1740 they'd been trying to destroy each other, trying to beat the other down for power among the German states and all of Europe. Now, here they were, beaten down by a younger nation both of them had dreamed up, controlled by a leader perverting both their histories. Prussia thought about that. It was something that bothered him deeply. The pictures of him with Bismarck and Frederick made Gilbert nauseous. Neither man would be pleased with a commoner taking their positions, of trying to undo what they did while saying it was a tribute. "He's obsessed with Fritz. When he told me what he planned to do to you, he smiled and said it's what Frederick would've wanted." He scoffed. "If he actually admired him, he would let the people be." "To be fair, he did plan to march on Vienna in every war." Gilbert shot him a look. Roderich shrugged. "I did say I was being fair, not that he has an accurate understanding of your dear king. It's unfortunate that his grave is being dug up for propaganda again. I thought he'd get a rest after Bismarck was done uniting." Another sip, another beat drummed on silently between the two. "You don't think he'll defile Maria Theresa?" That made Gilbert laugh. The action sent relief throughout Roderich. At least his queen would be safe. Prussia leaned down, grabbing his briefcase and throwing it up on the table. He opened it and began handing papers to Austria. "Here. Keep these close. It's a passport, birth certificate, all that shit you need. We've got three Herr Beilschmidts in the house now." "We've been hiding our relation for centuries and now you want us to be family? My apologies, but I'm rather fond of the name Edelstein." He huffed and slipped the papers in his pocket. Prussia suddenly rose and began going inside. Austria hurried after him. "What's your problem? It's simply the truth! Are you not paying me any attention?" Roderich continued his complaining as he followed Gilbert upstairs and into a dimly lit room. Prussia flicked the light on, revealing stacks of books and paper. Mementos of Prussia's long past hung on the walls - including a sword Austria was intimately acquainted with - besides portraits of beloved leaders. Gilbert went through the drawers, grabbing and stacking documents before handing them to Austria. "Read and I'll explain." The Austrian felt compelled to comply, sitting himself comfortably on the couch. His eyes skimmed the pages. It was letters and books, policies enacted and those yet to be introduced. Internal memos detailing beliefs and ideals Gilbert had somehow swiped off desks and in homes. It painted a sickening picture. Prussia watched tentatively. He'd locked the door and turned on a record so their conversation wouldn't be heard. His hands fiddled with his lighter, that being the only thing he could get a grip on. He took a deep breath. "I sued Ludwig. About six years ago. I was standing strong against these fucking nationalists. I know I've played nice with them before, but these guys are violent. I didn't want that. So my kid brother and his fucking puppets come along and kick me and my guys out of power." His blood was beginning to boil. "So I get the Nazis. And I'm expected to play nice with the Nazis and respect them and I am continuously reminded of how I'm now subordinate by him and his new boss." Gilbert smiled, all teeth and no warmth. "That's how I wound up in this wonderful situation." Austria frowned and set the papers related to Gilbert's case aside. "And why would they do this? You can't tell me the country that you created, that you raised and are the heart of, is conspiring against you and you expect me to believe it? I'm not an idiot, Gilbert." "The kids got a completely different personality. It's like Versailles broke something inside of him. He's angry and vengeful. It was my king who led him into failure and my nobility that directed everything. And my stupid fucking free state was doing better than the rest of the nation. He wants to consolidate power under his name, not mine, and I'm apparently too good at the game for him." Prussia shrugged. "You can psychoanalyze that later. This all deals with you too, of course." Roderich's interest was rekindled. He leaned forward, gripping the paperwork in his hand tighter. "My last name? Tell me why you changed that." Prussia sat down and nodded. "Edelstein. It's a Jewish last name. I know you've never had troubles with it before - and why would you? It was your country - but these aren't times we've been in before." He laughed bitterly. "I mean, you could keep it. But that would mean you'd be looking at me from the other side of the camps when I'm forced to inspect them - and you'll be doing that with me so we're reminded that we're inferior and he has no problems sending us there." Austria followed along, reading quickly. Prussia continued speaking, on and on in a more impassioned tone, but Austria had stopped listening. The words shocked him in their cruelty. He'd never before seen his native language as cold and angry as the other nations did, but now he couldn't see it as anything but. The laws, the permits for camps, all the speeches. He couldn't stop reading. Soon, Gilbert had given up. He sat down in his seat, fiddling with a rifle from the Seven Year's War. He'd let Roderich continue until he was done. The only noise between them was the sound of American jazz filling the room, another small act of rebellion they'd grow to cherish more and more. Finally, Austria unburied his head and met Prussia's gaze. He dropped the papers to the floor. "What do we do?" "I'm sending messages to Feliks and those two kids, the Czech and the Slovak, to warn them about what's coming. They're next on the hit list. I've been sending telegrams to Francis and Arthur, begging them to declare war while we're not ready and promising them I'll blow the German plans. All I hear back is from the news. All it is talk of appeasing him." Prussia leaned back in his chair, feeling every year of his age. "My nobility doesn't care. They want war. They want Alsace-Lorraine, Silesia, Eastern Prussia, all the territory I lost. I tell them I don't want to be whole again, that I miss competent leadership and they tell me I've grown soft." A feeling of defeat hung between them. Clear German military aggression and the world for the first time in centuries doesn't care. It felt like being stuck on an island, like being Cassandra shouting her prophecies. They would be forced to ride the tide of history and hope to not be overtaken. But, when had they ever done that? Austria looked up as Prussia spoke again, his voice growing more determined. "We'll do what we can. Maybe not as nations, but as Roderich and Gilbert, the only sane men left in the Austrian and Prussian nobility, we can create some impact. We'll go to these camps, follow orders, and we'll help people. Whatever the cost. We can't die, they can't starve us and torture only gets them so far. We lose hope, we lose our people and, more importantly, we'll lose our humanity." Prussia grinned, the first genuine smile he'd had in months, and Austria returned it. Roderich ran his hands through his hair before laughing. "For anyone else this would be a suicide mission. For us, it feels poetic." Mischief glinted in his violet eyes. "The two of us, taking down the nation we fought so hard to create. Oh, the irony." Gilbert opened his mouth, but shut it when he heard someone downstairs. He frowned and shut off the jazz. "Speaking of said nation, he's back home from the Chancellery early. This is between the two of us. If he finds out..." His face grew pale and he swallowed sharply. "I'm not sure what he'd do." He opened the door and ushered his cousin out. "I haven't the faintest idea of what you're insinuating." Austria sniffed, throwing his nose up in the air and walking out the door. "I've been known to be completely loyal to my government. Doubting my loyalty to the Hapsburgs is insulting." He stalked down the stairs, asking Ludwig about the new state of his government. Gilbert chuckled, trying to keep his voice controlled so Germany wouldn't hear. "And I'll be loyal to the Hohenzollerns till my dying breath. You know firsthand that my obedience has never been in doubt." He gave himself a once over in the mirror and, deciding he looked how he was expected to, went downstairs ready to play his part in this horror.

[spynotebook]

Age Of HeroesWith Age Of Heroes, Tom Breihan picks the most important superhero movie of every year, starting with the genre’s early big-budget moments and moving onto the multiplex-crushing monsters of today.  

“The Marvel Universe has gone nuts; we’re going to have a fricking Captain America movie if we’re not careful.” This was Zack Snyder speaking to Entertainment Weekly in 2008. Every once in a while, that quote finds itself recirculated online, evidence of Snyder’s philistine ideas about superhero movies and what a misguided idea it was for DC to recruit him to attempt to replicate the Marvel Universe’s success. (Another Snyder line from that same breath: “And Iron Man—$300 million domestic box office on a second-tier superhero!”)

It’s unfair to Snyder to use that quote out of context. If you read the whole interview, Snyder is, if anything, excited about Marvel’s success, if only because it proves that “pop culture is just, like, so ready for Watchmen,” the movie that he was promoting in that interview. (Note: Pop culture was not.) Snyder was simply showing his own surprise about how quickly and completely superhero movies had taken over, something that would only snowball in the years after that. Also, that Captain America movie was already in development when Snyder said what he said, and Snyder probably already knew that. (The whole Snyder interview is, however, a deeply entertaining and insane historical document. Dismissing the idea that Batman Begins is a dark movie, Snyder notes that Batman “doesn’t, like, get raped in prison. That could happen in my movie. If you want to talk about dark, that’s how that would go.” Eight years later, Snyder would make a Batman movie that did not feature Batman getting raped in prison.)

Here’s the thing: Even if Snyder had been dismissing the idea of a Captain America movie, he would’ve been totally right. Before there was a Captain America movie, there was no evidence that a Captain America movie would ever work, on any level. The entire idea of Captain America—a square-jawed avatar of everything great about the US of A, a guy who intentionally makes himself look like a big flag—seemed almost hopelessly hokey and anachronistic in 2008, when Snyder said what he said. There was nothing dark or gritty or sexy or intense about Captain America. He was a symbol of a time that never existed—an advocate for the greatness of a country that, at least on a geopolitical scale, has long been a globally dominant hegemon rather than a scrappy and idealistic underdog. Even Captain America, the comic book hero, wasn’t so sure about Captain America, the symbol of American pride. In a ’70s comic book storyline, Steve Rogers, disgusted after learning of governmental evil, had briefly forsaken his own identity, instead becoming a costumed adventurer named Nomad. If Captain America himself wasn’t so sure about Captain America, how could Hollywood be?

The 1990 Captain America movie had been such an outright catastrophic failure that it just barely got released. In the years after that, internal debates about America’s role in the world had only heated up. A Captain America movie could’ve gone wrong in so many different ways. It could’ve gotten caught up in post-9/11 Toby Keith jingoism. It could’ve played out as a goofy parody, a broad satire of Dudley Do-Right postwar heroism. It could’ve been another crappy, interchangeable Fantastic Four-level superhero movie, just with more shots of billowing flags. Instead, Captain America: The First Avenger turned out to be the movie that, at least from where I’m sitting, ultimately made the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe experiment work. It took some unbelievably skillful needle-threading to make it happen, but the people at Marvel managed to turn Cap, the personification of corniness, into something like a beloved cinematic icon, the soul upon which all of the MCU rests.

There was groundwork. A new Captain America movie had been in the planning stages since 1997; lawsuits and financial issues had stalled it. When the project finally got going, Marvel had done a few interesting things with the character. Ed Brubaker had built a complex and masterful noirish espionage saga around Cap in his Winter Soldier storyline, while Mark Millar’s blockbuster Civil War event had delighted in its depiction of Steve Rogers as an inspiring and charismatic leader and as someone who would defy his own government if he thought it were straying from the country’s true ideals. (In both Millar’s book and in the Civil War movie that eventually came out of it, Cap is wrongheaded and shortsighted, but that’s an argument for another day.) Captain America: The First Avenger only alludes to those comic book visions of the character, which later movies would explore more thoroughly. But if you were actually reading comics at the time, it was clear that Captain America, in the right hands, could be a layered and fascinating character.

Ultimately, the movie works because Marvel hired the right people. Director Joe Johnston was a longtime journeyman with an inconsistent record and at least a few genuinely bad movies on his résumé. (Shout-out to 2010’s The Wolfman.) But he was also a veteran special-effects guy who’d worked on Star Wars and Raiders Of The Lost Ark, which means he was comfortable with the levels of visual trickery needed to make a story like that work. And with his own 1991 movie The Rocketeer, he’d nailed exactly the kind of old-timey adventure-serial energy that a Captain America movie would need. (He even had powered-up Nazi villains.) It’s hard to imagine anyone more qualified for the job.

It’s also hard to imagine a better Captain America than Chris Evans. Evans had already been around the superhero-movie block before taking the role. He’d done what he could as a devil-may-care playboy version of the Human Torch in two near-unbearable Fantastic Four movies. He’d been a superpowered test-subject mutant at war with shadowy governmental agencies in 2009’s misbegotten Push. He’d lampooned his own absurd handsomeness in the superhero-adjacent Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. He’d never really had much chance to be anything other than a life-size Ken doll. But he had a depth to him, and with Captain America, he finally got the chance to show it.

Evans had to be convinced to take the Captain America role, and he’s always hinted at a little discomfort with it. But he’s perfect. He’s warm and friendly and inspiring—all the things that Captain America is supposed to be. He spends so much of The First Avenger as a scrawny weakling—a special effect much more convincing than it probably should’ve been—that he has to find non-physical ways to project his own idealistic determination. And he does it. The sight of digitally shrunk Chris Evans refusing to back down after a beating from a movie-theater heckler—fists clenched, jaw bloodied, “I could do this all day”—remains one of the most indelible images that the MCU has given us. When he finally does balloon out to superhuman proportions, we’re already on his side. Throughout the movie, he struggles against his own propaganda utility, fervently and innocently trying to get out into the field and help his comrades.

Like Christopher Reeve’s Superman, Evans radiates genuine Boy Scout virtue, and he comes off as an anachronism even in the ’40s. The movie doesn’t joke about him or make him an object of fun. Instead, the movie is just as gee-whiz idealistic about Captain America as Captain America is about America. Even a hint of acid, sarcastic self-consciousness could’ve sunk the movie. In Evans, it has none.

Johnston and the producers built an impressive cast around Evans. As Agent Peggy Carter, Hayley Atwell brings a clipped Katharine Hepburn precision that’s enormously appealing. (The short-lived Agent Carter ABC spinoff, which kept that First Avenger tone intact, remains Marvel’s greatest TV project.) The grumpy authority figure is just Tommy Lee Jones playing Tommy Lee Jones. As Cap’s buddy Bucky, Sebastian Stan is a pleasant slab of beef, which is all he needs to be. Stanley Tucci has fun as the good-guy version of a mad-scientist character.

The only real weak point in the movie’s cast is Hugo Weaving, whose Red Skull has less fleshed-out humanity than Agent Smith, the computer program that Weaving played in the Matrix movies. Even Red Skull’s motivations are muddy. He tells Cap, his fellow super-serum test subject, that he’s “too afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind,” like a K-Mart-brand Magneto. Also: “I have seen the future, Captain! There are no flags!” I don’t know, that sounds pretty good, though it would presumably sound better if a muscle-faced fascist sorcerer wasn’t the one invoking it. (The Red Skull doesn’t even get a satisfying end. When he showed up in a quick surprise cameo in Avengers: Infinity War, I’d completely forgotten that he’d been sucked into a wormhole or whatever. It happens so quickly that you barely process it.)

The movie’s version of ’40s America is a blast. Many of the characters are just as gung-ho as Cap himself. When a HYDRA agent tries to slow Cap down by throwing a little kid into the Hudson, the kid squawks, “Go get ’im! I can swim!” Natalie Dormer, a year away from becoming Margaery Tyrell on Game Of Thrones, gives Cap a big situation-complicating smooch because she likes that he saved a bunch of guys (and also, presumably, because he looks like Chris Evans). In a quick montage after Cap’s apparent death, we see all of America uniting behind him as a martyr and a legend. It’s a comforting vision of a better, simpler version of America.

It’s probably too comforting. The movie only barely alludes to racial inequality in America. When Cap puts together his crack team of commandos, they’re a rainbow coalition, and nobody acts like that’s weird. I wasn’t around in the ’40s, but given what I know, that seems unlikely. I think the movie might’ve been more effective if Cap had seen and wrestled with America’s failures. The same is true of the ravages of warfare. None of the soldiers ever seem freaked out or traumatized. Instead, they just charge into battle, oblivious to their friends disintegrating all around them. (If the Red Skull’s magical weapons didn’t allow for bloodless, PG-13 death, some of those skirmishes would’ve looked like the beginning of Saving Private Ryan.)

In the movie’s second half, when it turns toward action, The First Avenger becomes a pretty generic (though well-done) superhero punch-up. A lot of the storytelling is clumsy and inelegant. At one point, Cap is suddenly in a motorcycle chase with Nazis, with no real setup and little indication of why he’s there. Most of the fight scenes are too CGI-heavy to be truly great, and a few of the effects scenes, like Bucky’s fall from the train, just look like ass. The big finale, when Cap wakes up in a decades-later New York City, is clearly just setup for the next movie, which means The First Avenger can never really stand as its own cohesive story. It’s not a perfect movie. There are real flaws.

But it’s also an elegant piece of myth-building, and small connections to the rest of Marvel enrich the whole world we’re seeing take shape. We meet Tony Stark’s father, a tycoon adventurer who connects the dots between Howard Hughes (who Johnston had depicted in The Rocketeer) and Stark himself. HYDRA science worm Arnim Zola first shows up as a face on a screen, a role he’ll grow into. Before getting his iconic shield, which honestly looks pretty great, Cap fashions one for himself out of a trash-can lid and a ripped-off car door. Marvel wouldn’t bring all its characters together for another year, but little touches like this make it a fuller experience.

Captain America: The First Avenger was a hit, but it wasn’t a huge one. It wasn’t one of the top 10 grossers of 2011; the same year’s decidedly shittier MCU entry, Thor, made more money. And yet it’s a crucial movie for the MCU, since it showed just how much fun this whole Marvel superhero business could be. After the initial miracle of 2008’s Iron Man, Marvel had made three straight movies that were not special at all. There are things worth appreciating in The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, and Thor, but none of them really demonstrates why this whole world matters to people. Captain America: The First Avenger made that case. And if it had failed in any of the myriad ways that it could’ve failed, the present-day movie landscape would presumably look very, very different.

Other notable 2011 superhero movies: Kenneth Branagh’s aforementioned Thor got one thing exactly right: Chris Hemsworth, who looks like a Michelangelo sculpture of a lion-man and who brings a crazy level of life to what was then an underwritten role. But the movie itself is a bore, full of turgid fantasy gobbledygook and thin CGI and sub-Crocodile Dundee fish-out-of-water jokes. The central love story is so across-the-board half-assed that it practically insults both Hemsworth and the paychecking-hard Natalie Portman, and even Tom Hiddleston’s slithery Loki is really only a rough draft for what would come.

The First Avenger wasn’t the only Marvel adaptation to go period-piece. Matthew Vaughn’s X-Men: First Class tried to make a swingin’ ’60s espionage thriller out of a prequel, which works pretty well. The cast—James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence—is almost hilariously overqualified, and while the period details never reach the full Mad Men-style immersion they were clearly shooting for, they’re fun enough. The CGI remains terrible, which for whatever reason is true of almost every X-Men movie. Whenever (speaking of Mad Men) January Jones’ Emma Frost turns into her diamond form, she looks like a Virtua Fighter character. This was a series bounce-back after the putrid X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but it was also a clear sign that the non-MCU Marvel movies would never be the main event.

2011’s notorious boondoggle was, of course, Green Lantern, a movie that managed to be a self-aware punchline in two different 2018 superhero movies, Deadpool 2 and Teen Titans Go! To The Movies. (As I’m typing this, I haven’t seen Aquaman or Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse yet, so it’s entirely possible that even more 2018 superhero movies will make fun of Green Lantern.) It is a 10 ten-car pileup of a movie. A post-Deadpool and pre-Deadpool Ryan Reynolds attempts to smirk his way through everything, Van Wilder-style, while the writers build a whole interstellar cosmology that somehow comes off both thin and over-developed. Various respected character actors submit themselves to the indignity of bad alien makeup. (In particular, Peter Sarsgaard, a very handsome man, falls victim to makeup-artist ambitions.) You can almost see Tim Robbins and pre-Black Panther’s mom Angela Bassett thinking, mid-scene, about how they’re going to spend the money that this bullshit is getting them. Also, Future Thor: Ragnarok director Taika Waititi is in there in the nerdy tech-head comic-relief sidekick role? Altogether, Green Lantern makes for a great lesson of what can happen when you try to combine intelligence-insulting children’s entertainment with detail-heavy fan service without filling it all out with any kind of resonant storytelling. Also, Reynolds’ CGI super-suit might be the single ugliest costume in superhero-movie history.

And in other chartreuse-misfire news, Seth Rogen’s long-in-development The Green Hornet finally came out and made no impression. There’s certainly plenty of talent involved in the movie. For a while, slapstick visionary Stephen Chow was attached to both direct and to star as Kato, which would’ve been fascinating. Instead, the directing job ends up with Michel Gondry, the sometimes-great homespun music-video fantasist and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind auteur. Rogen and his Superbad partner Evan Goldberg get the writing credits. Christoph Waltz played a villain, which is something that Christoph Waltz knows how to do. Cameron Diaz is in there, too, as Rogen’s implausible love interest. You would think that these people could do something great together, but instead it’s just a rote nothing of a movie, one that never quite gets around to demonstrating why it deserves to exist.

Also, it’s not really a superhero movie, but I remember thinking that Steven Spielberg’s feature-length CGI cartoon The Adventures Of Tintin was a lot more fun than its reputation would suggest. I have not revisited it.

Next time: In January, this column will tackle The Avengers, the long-planned corporate-crossover blockbuster, which kicked the MCU into high gear and proved just how entertaining this kind of movie, when executed just right, can be.

[zvachim-blog]

Jewish,religious and Gayly different.

‎ בס״ד Dear Brothers, I grew up in a modern orthodox family in a vastly Jewish neiborhood in America.I am the middle child of a nice sized family balanced by my brothers and sisters. My early childhood was quite pleasant.In my small private school,I was a happy,sociable,even a popular kid up until fourth grade.Sports and natural excersise were fun for me.At Recess the other young children would pick me as a soccer captain.I remember in those years how despite the fact that I was one of the guys,I always felt more secure hanging out with the girls.I also would defend the girls in my class against those "nasty" boys. This might strike one as peculiar to hang around and play with the girls at that age but to side with them against the boys pranks just wasn't heard of. There was a social structure I just felt I couldn't be apart of.With the years to follow my world turned outside in. I switched schools to a huge school in my minds view ,much different and new from the comfortable confines and personalized attention of the old school. I remember being the new kid. It was the 5th grade and I remember these girls in my class came up to me and told me they liked me. This was a few months into the school year and I was just dumbstruck and confused. I avidly avoided then not processing what happened and why.My parents at that time unofficially separated.This started with them sleeping in different place.There,was no warning or explanation to us children.At age 13 I became a man.In other words,I was a clueless boy with advanced hormones.It was during this time that I had my first feelings for other guys in my class. I would be ridiculedand also be called gay by classmates. I would get bullied,well just because bullies. Girl classmates would comment the way I walked was feminine.I was a little chubby at the time so I'm sure that influenced which way my tush went. My natural reaction was to feel self pity and unworthiness in the eyes of others. Secrecy and distrust of everyone permeated all facets of my life.I was unaware for years of my life why or what I thought but the need to hide my unidentified identity was quite apparent . These behaviors crippled my insides placing heavy burdens on my heart and soul. I made sure others thought I wasn't Gay, changing outer appearances to seem more tough. I would listen to a lot of rap and r&b music.In front of people I talked on the phone to fake characters pretending to have the friends I didn't let into my life.I learned to ease tension with Masterbation although it was a double edged sword.With those actions, I abused myself seeking to feel good but all I got after that high,was feeling physically drained of energy. I also felt tremendous guilt that I was doing something wrong.Gay seemed to be a term that I was always thinking and dreaming about.In my underground inclusive world I found myself online searching for attention with other like minded individuals. I would go on media and social networking sites but especially post on Craigslist to meet up and see how many responses I would get. Thank G-d for the most part nothing came out of that. Towards the middle of highschool I stopped working out and mostly hibernated my bedroom missing half of my 10th grade. Only because of the plight of my Tanach teacher and my beloved classmates did I finish my high school years. One of my classes in my Jewish high school was quite small. None of my freinds"as they thought of me'had seen or talked to me in months. So my teacher took matters into her own hands. She drove the guys to my house during school hours,surprising me while I was still in pajamas and brought me to a restaurant. We learned a little Navi and ate some delecious food. The feelings of Comaradrie and love penetrated inside of me and I returned to school for the duration of high school.Unfortunately in my underground world I understood that I should even be more secretive and I continued to dig a deeper and darker hole.Throughout this period I maitaned a phased that I was perfectly okay. At 19 I finally graduated and was given the opportunity to have a year of study in Israel. I did not know what to expect although I was excited to get away. I remember thinking in my head what does G-d want from me that he made me this way and I would apologize to him. I would think to him ,asking to just ignore me and not have anything to do with the person I"d become. I really did not want to define myself as being Gay for I thought that it would at least give me a chance at being normal.In reality I didn't see another choice. I would scroll online searching for people who used to be gay and stayed religious. I found no results except for reparative therapy that was quoted as brainwashing and born again christians that people dubbed as propaganda. I had nothing that bothered me with Judaism although it seemed I was quite disconnected .I would have pangs of despair that I have no idea who I am. I naturally believed in G-d. I listened to religious Hebrew music.When I would be in a not good place I would think about my local rabbis whom I respected at a distance. I even bought a new transliterated prayer book,excited to learn how to pray in Yeshiva. These were all very important however in the moment it seemed was to know avail.My mind was locked to spiritual growth . I was led to believe that coming out was the healthiest and only option. Now there was the summer months of freedom I had to wade out untiul my scheduled flight was to take of. To start I never had a better time in my life,coming out to a few close friends that I was gay felt liberating.At the same time I came into dangerous situations with strange men. In this time I contracted the Syphillus disease.Later in Israel I was diagnosed and saved from it,after my blood donation was tested positive with these bacteria.My year in an American Yeshiva in Israel was the best thing to happen to me until that point. This was a Kickstart to a slow transition to being pushed in the right direction from dark to light . I slept half the year away in my dorm room.My roommates did much chilling in there as well so it was acceptable.With the positive environment of growth and learning came a need to shut out the surfacing pains that I haven't dealt with my whole life.Infact there Was it seemed no where to start,son relapsed to depression and wanting to end my life and thought about who would attend my funeral.Eventually I made great Freinds.More help came,in the form of urges to say a psalm or 2 with concentration ,when everybody was sleeping. Also in the middle of the year an unconventional prayer workshop started in the Yeshiva and that changed my life. Through mercy from above I learned how to open up to the only one who will never judge. From then on for years of my life ,I would never miss a prayer service.People would finish their shemona esrei and I was still there, tears flowing with no understanding on my part from where.From what I felt in these moments was the deepest connection I've ever had. I wasn't "praying the gay away". It felt like I was just stripped of the world around me,standing in front of this all inclusive power and I was pointing at my hurts like a child.Prayer is the only reason I'm alive today. I continued to be confused and lost. The only difference was this time I clearly was going up. One event led to another of eventually me calling out to G-d for mercy.I learned with time,maybe about a year later about personal prayer that I had did on that day.My personal private conversation with G-d would take me on another path,one which I am still on today.i remember towards the ends of the year I did a simple good deed but what I felt is indescribable . AT around midnight there was soldier who came to the Yeshiva. He was exhausted beyond all means and lost. He stumbled upon our Yeshiva looking to rest his head and the young dorm counselor would not let him in for security reasons. My whole inner being screamed with injustice .Privately I took my pillow and showed the guy where there's was a room he could stay in. I woke up in the morning with such joy,my prayers were just pure light expressing the perfection of the creator and my lips shook with connection for about a week.I also for the first time trusted a rabbi with my secret. He was calm and asked me questions as I poured my forbidden thoughts and feelings out on the table. This meeting was really important for myself esteem.Regardless of the conclusion I came to choose ,I just wanted to be in control to who I was.I slowly stopped surfing the web and refrained from the beginning the year to my biggest addiction,MAsterbation.As I finished my year,I knew I had to come back to Israel to continue my growth.With great thanks I merited to come back,this time to an all Israeli Yeshiva,in which I understood very little. The moments when there were translations for the teachings it seemed like they were to advanced for me.I felt very alone and still quite closed.I was unable to get passed this Gay thing inside of myself. I was however in such a beautiful place with such nice people,it was a special time for self discovery. When I made the resolution to talk with The creator like I did the year before it was quite awkward. I wrote I list of what I wanted to improve but I did not know what I should say. In that Jewish new year of Rosh Hashana I made significant headway.I was at a friends Yeshiva for the holiday in a beautiful location. I stepped out to be by myself in the middle of the day,in order to attempt to talk to G-d. I am a man of deep emotion and song. On that day,some of my very not religious songs sprung forth from my mouth.I naturally changed the words however and used the tunes,singing to Hashem how I was feeling. This came from such a deep place in my heart.A few months into the Yeshiva year I joined the Israeli Army. I had continued ups and downs as I learned more about myself. When my service ended,I can back to the states with a mind to move to Israel permanently after I say good bye to my family. During those summer times ,I had bouts of reflection. I practiced going off alone to talk to the creator. I tried to completely forgive all of the people and events that I could recall that had such negative affect on my life's outlook. I also had a need to try to learn Torah again and have a positive connection with G-d. It was during these times I took on myself the unimaginable. I started praying for a wife. I had tryied years before of imagining myself with a girl and it just repulsed me. There I was prayer after prayer ,requesting what I thought was forbidden to me.Something inside felt that I was ready and I listened.When I got to Israel a third time ,through many RAbbis and blessing I found myself enrolled in an a Yeshiva for returnees to Judaism and converts. I told myself I will try to be as serious as I can and I won't hang out with any girls.The day after I met my wife.The catch is I've known her since kindergarten. We have beautiful children and I haven't thought about being gay for many years.I live my life with happiness and purpose.when I have Hardship I know that G-d is right there with me,ready to help me clarify how I can serve him better. Life is not a piece of cake.It is a lot of cake,some times with too much frosting.Yup a cake can have an exaggerated amount of frosting I admit.May You see G-d in your lives and in your own unique experiences. I want to express my love and smpathy to everyone who lives there truth,to the ones searching for there constant truth(like me) and even the ones that are not there yet. ברכה והצלחה!