#fruity seokmin

[joonsytip]

The Selfish Dilemma || Jeonghan - Part 1

Pairings: Jeonghan x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: It was love at first sight ever since you laid eyes on Jeonghan. To him, you are the annoying co-worker who keeps asking him out. No one is new to your courting agenda which only pisses off Jeonghan but what happens when you stop, all at once....

Word Count: 6k

Warnings (specific to this part): this part is SFW, pinning, unrequited love, lots of office jargons, profanity, tears, mention of alcohol consumption, aloof Jeonghan, reader is a love sick puppy, second lead Seokmin, wholesome co-workers Wonwoo, Soonyoung, Jihoon and Joshua, wholesome bestfriend Myeongho (lmk if I missed any)

Banner credits to my baby @hoeforhao <3

A/N: To be added to the taglist for the next part please send an ask or comment under this or the announcement post.

Please heart, comment and reblog, it would really help to keep me going <3

[Svt Main Masterlist] [Svt Flick - Fic Masterlist]

Teaser | Part 1 | Part 2 | Epilogue

The cubicles are neat, the marble floors are shining brighter than crystals even after getting padded every now then. The fruity smell of the room refresher is strong enough to go on for days but the continuous clicking of keyboards sound loud enough to give a year worth migraines.

You duly wait by the office entrance, your daily routine, holding a takeaway paper cup which contains Iced Cinnamon Cappuccino.

A familiar car passes by towards the parking and you know that the person you're waiting for is gonna grace you with his presence soon.

Just in cue, that person walks by ignoring you and passes through the security check. You line up behind him, instantly feeling better just by seeing his face.

"How do you always manage to look so gorgeous?", you ask him giddily knowing very well that you won't be getting a response from him.

The security at the check smiles when you direct your requesting gaze at her. She let's you pass by and you're doing large strides in your heels.

"Here..", you are handing him the beverage cup, "Have a great day, Hannie!", you wish him and he doesn't even bat an eyelash as he saunters over to avail the elevator.

You stand there watching him as your lips curl up because your gazes meet for the first time for the day before the elevator door closes.

When you had switched to the current company you're working for two years ago as a Senior Developer you had never thought in your wildest dreams that you'd be turning into a lovesick puppy for the technical analyst of the team you had gotten assigned to.

Yoon Jeonghan got you enchanted the moment you had your eyes on him. You could vividly remember, it was your first day after getting assigned to a project and your manager was introducing you to your teammates.

Everyone seemed nice and greeted you with enthusiasm except one. Yoon Jeonghan was stoic throughout and for you, that heart within your chest thumped vigorously, eyes glued to him while the surroundings seemed to freeze.

Love at first sight was just a funny concept until Jeonghan made you experience it.

You would admit it unabashed that working in corporate world had given you chance to meet a lot of person but no one could ever do justice to suits more then Jeonghan.

Always been a spontaneous person and upon getting a confirmation that he's single your journey of courting him kickstarted.

It's been two years since then.

Everytime you ask him out, Jeonghan rejects you even without sparing a moment of thought.

You are currently working on debugging a piece of code which every other member of your team failed to solve and it ultimately fell into your court.

"I'm gonna run by the canteen, do you need anything?"

You lift your head to see Seokmin hovering over the partition of your desk.

"One strong black coffee, thanks Min.", you quickly say before focusing on the screen again.

You don't see the empathetic smile Seokmin throws at you.

It's almost afternoon and your prying eyes are stuck on the door of the cabin, adjacent to your desk.

Soon Jeonghan comes out of his cabin which prompts you to follow him to have lunch to together.

It's same everyday, Jeonghan not intending to let you sit with him but you do it anyways.

"Did the bug get resolved?", he asks, eyes set on the plate, "I think we have been stuck on this on for long, need to get it resolved asap."

You chew on the salad filling in your mouth to quickly gulp it and answer him, "I got the chance to look at it today. Hopefully, I wouldn't be spending much time on it."

Jeonghan nods making a brief eye contact with you.

So you proceed with the most important part of your daily ritual.

"Would you like to go on a date with me tonight?", you ask.

"No", comes his recorded response.

You smile mischievously, "Why? I thought I should be rewarded for fixing the code?"

Jeonghan scoffs, "You're knocking on the wrong door. Ask your manager to reward you. If he doesn't, go to the HR department and discuss the matter."

"But they're not you, Hannie.", you slip out the nickname on purpose knowing it irks him, "You're the one I want."

Jeonghan blatantly ignores you and when he's done eating, he cleans the corner of his lips with the tissues and then walks out of the canteen grabbing a water bottle.

Even his back profile should have a seperate fandom of its own, you ponder dreamily.

"Snap out of it, you're drooling."

You crane your neck to see that the seat beside you already occupied by Seokmin.

"Another rejection?" he asks and you nod.

The two of you continue to eat silently before Seokmin brings up the topic again, "Join our team Y/N, Wonwoo is moving out."

You give him a pointed look wishing it was as easy as it sounded. When you started working in the team, you worked under Jeonghan and within this span, everyone moved out or transferred except you. To work closer to Jeonghan and out of sentimentality, you stayed.

"It'll be a lot less hectic", Seokmin assures and points at your face, "Your concealor is doing a very bad job at hiding those dark circles."

You gasp and hit his arm, "Atleast Pandas got a competition even though they're cute and I'm just..."

"Beautiful." Seokmin says in a beat, "You are beautiful Y/N and Jeonghan is blind for not appreciating a woman like you."

He says with so much sincerity that you have to cower your gaze away.

"How long until you stop pursuing him?", he asks.

So that I can start courting you, he doesn't say.

"Until he accepts or...", you sing along, "the day I run out of my patience and the rejection finally settles in my bones."

Red might be your favourite colour but currently you're seeing green.

"Who's she, Wonwoo?", you hiss, lamenting on how you have to witness such a sight.

Apparently a woman whom you've never seen before is standing too close to Jeonghan, much to your disliking and the man in the picture seems unbothered with her hogging over and he's smiling.

He's smiling at whatever nonsense she's uttering!

"She's Seonji, my replacement.", Wonwoo speaks calmly, "Since it's my last week, I'll be giving her KTs before my departure."

"You don't care about me or Seokmin, do you?", you say sadly, "How would I function at all without your inputs?"

Wonwoo is another efficient co-worker who works with Seokmin and is a very good friend of yours.

"Not everyone will be a fool to stall their growth because of sentiments Y/N.", he retorts, meaning no malice.

Your throat closes up for a moment but you somehow manage to speak, "We're not having this conversation now, Woo."

"I know this won't go anywhere but there's a limit to everything. How long until you see it's not Jeonghan but someone else who deserves you.", Wonwoo thinks it's time he rats out Seokmin's name because he himself would never.

"What do you mean by someone else?", you counter back confused.

"It's been two years Y/N, people can go through whole lot of loving in this span, don't you think he's behaviour towards you should have been different if he cared even a bit?", Wonwoo is ruthless because he knows he needs to be the one to tell you because no one else would, "Has he ever smiled at you like that?"

"Woo please stop...", your eyes are teary, voice cracking, "You think I don't know that?"

Then you are walking away, wiping your tears. When there's something on your mind you always go to the rooftop to clear your mind out, of course not alone, you always find a lot of others, some shedding tears, some smoking cigarettes or some staring at the abyss.

You don't realise how much time has passed because you don't have your phone with you. Just as you are mentally preparing yourself to indulge into work you hear the call of your name from a very familiar voice.

"Do you think this company is paying you for slacking off?", Jeonghan says nonchalantly as he stands in front of you, "I can't even reach you on your phone."

Your lips curl up instantly, tiredness disappearing from your eyes, "Did you miss me Hannie?"

Jeonghan turns back & walks towards the door. You follow.

"When you're done fixing the bug, bring it to me for review.", he continues, "The clients have scheduled a meeting with us at 7pm. Be there."

"Aye aye captain!", you say from behind, "Can I ask you a question?"

You don't wait for Jeonghan to respond and ask right away, "Do you hate me?"

"Yes.", comes another of his recorded response.

You wonder how many more yes you can take for an answer.

The meeting ends at 10 and you're quickly collecting your belongings and almost parading so that you could avail the last bus since your car is given up for servicing.

You are sure that availing the bus is far fetched so you're taking out your phone to book a cab when you hear honking.

The familiar car stops by the road where you're standing and Jeonghan rolls down the window.

"Get in, I'll drop you.", he's looking at the way ahead and you are instantly getting in the passenger's seat.

"Wanna go to a restaurant for dinner?", you ask robotically, your tone dry. Jeonghan notices and sweeps a glance at you.

You look exhausted and he hopes it's only because of work.

"No", he says, "Put your address on the system's GPS.", as if it's not already instilled in the system.

You do as asked and Jeonghan sees you putting a different address.

"Did you change places?", he asks.

"A friend's address.", you don't explain further and it doesn't resonate well with him.

You thank him when he drops you at the doorsteps and watch him drive away until the car disappears from your sight.

The product deployment is scheduled for next month meaning work's gonna get more hectic than it already is.

You are knocking on the door and upon hearing a 'come in' you enter the cabin.

Jeonghan is seated on the revolving chair, the coat is hung on the headrest meaning that his only white shirt clad body is making you salivate. His head is laid back and you want nothing more than to stroke those luscious locks with your fingers. But for now, you push away your thoughts.

"I have mailed you a scheduler for the new product release.", you inform, "I think it's best if you arrange a meeting for all the teams involved and I'll give them a walkthrough on deployment and checkout procedures."

Jeonghan immediately straightens and checks the calender before scheduling a meeting for the next day.

"Tomorrow, 5 PM.", he stretches his arms out, "Anything else?"

The sight of viens protruding through his arms almost has you choked and you think it's best for your eyes to be up, "Y-Yeah? Oh well, I'll run by the Batch Ops department, do you have anything you want me to relay to them?"

Jeonghan searches for some files and takes out one from the stack and gives it to you, "Give it to Jihoon and tell him to send me the report by EOD."

You nod and ask, "There's this movie I have been meaning to watch, do you wanna go with me?"

"No.", he responds right away and you're already turning to exit the room when Seonji enters.

"Hannie!", she's intentionally loud and emphasizing and you are almost biting your tongue when you hear the nickname you've given him, to be called by her.

Not wanting to breathe in the same room as her, you are just taking a step ahead but you freeze on hearing her next words.

"The restaurant you took me to on Tuesday after work, I recommended it to my friends and they also loved it. Let's visit again sometime!"

You head whips to look at Jeonghan, to find him already staring at you.

It hurts your pride so you walk out of the room.

You're currently in the Batch Ops department, waiting for Jihoon. The said man is always busy, running on his heels and termed as the workaholic assistant supervisor of the department.

"Hey Y/N, did Jeonghan send the file?", you nod handing him the file and remind him to send the report.

"So how's your courting agenda going on?", he always asks and is even amused by the fact that how persistent you are to get Jeonghan when he doesn't show an ounce of interest in you.

You are generally joking with him on this but today you don't throw a banter and Jihoon is quick to understand that you're having a bad day so he doesn't pry further.

And on the way back you meet Seokmin who asks you to accompany him to the designated tent bar you both often go to. You agree instantly.

That night the owners of that tent bar knew how much you hate a woman named Seonji. They already know about your love for Jeonghan, since your alcohol tolerance is terrific, you cry river worth tears for that man everytime you're wasted and they feel pity for Seokmin who has to always clean up after you.

The product release approaches and everyone is pulling late nights or all nighters. Those who working in higher posts have to almost use office as a makeshift home mainly because they are dealing directly with the foreign clients and the time zones differ.

Though you are tired tattered, you make sure a cup of coffee of his preference always awaits him when Jeonghan enters his cabin. You also arrange the files, putting sticky notes in each section so he doesn't have to waste time searching for something. You make sure the cabin smells good and the place is neat. The towels are kept warm in the bathroom attached to the cabin and his favourite fragrance is filling the air inside cabin, so even if he's spending time at office, your efforts makes him think it's home.

When the rest ask how you do this, why do you do this, your answer is simple.

Isn't this what love is, to keep giving and not expecting anything in return.

"I think it's time you move on, Y/N.", your best friend Myeongho says after he shows up at your apartment one day.

Before you could retaliate his arms are up in his defence as he continues, "You know I'm never the type to judge or disregard anything casually. But this has been going on for long and it might hurt you but it's stagnant. You both made no progress. Two years, definitely a very long time and you can appear all happy and unfazed but I know every rejection must be hurting as hell."

You don't need words, the tears those stream down your facr speak volumes. Myeongho's presence is itself soothing and maybe that's why you are not loosing yourself in pits of sorrow for the moment.

What are supposed to do, you're so in love with Jeonghan, you're so used to him, so dedicated to him.

Myeongho pats your back while he's talking to his wife on his phone. You ponder over how Myeongho met her a year ago and now they are happily married with a baby on the way.

No one's story is comparable to other, each having it's own circumstances and pace but as your best friend said yours is totally different.

Unrequited and stagnant.

The product release is a success and now the work load is a lot lesser.

And as expected you're in Jeonghan's cabin.

"Are you free today?", you ask, "Wanna go to dinner? Not as a date, some people from our & Batch Ops team would be present as well."

Jeonghan is unabashed as usual, "I'm busy today."

He isn't explaining himself, it's his way of defining things. He's implying that on other days he's rejecting your advances without a reason and today he's doing it with a reason.

This time your face falls.

"Do you hate me?", you ask.

"Yes, you're annoying."

"Would you miss me if I leave?"

"No, a good riddance."

This time your heart hurts.

You are currently in a restaurant with Seokmin, Jihoon, Chaein and Joshua both working in your team, Soonyoung of Support Team and you've managed to pull Wonwoo in this eat out.

Wonwoo is currently making a disgusted face at Seokmin, who's doing some questionable mimicking of Jihoon, the man being mimicked being totally vested in eating whatever is there on his plate.

"Isn't that Jeonghan?"

Five pair of eyes follows Soonyoung's gaze and lands on Jeonghan.

"Wait that's Yoora with--"

Seokmin is late in slapping his hand over Soonyoung mouth because you have heard the name and it rings in your ear.

Kwon Yoora, Jeonghan's ex-girlfriend. The woman accompanying him tonight.

You have heard a lot about her from your colleagues because she used to work in the company you're working in. Well you're her replacement in terms of the position when you joined in. She worked with and under Jeonghan before you did.

This is the first time you're seeing her.

"I heard they had mutual breakup, seems they're still good friends.", Joshua comments.

Your eyes are glued to the table space where Jeonghan's hand is atop Yoora's. And he's smiling as he says something to her.

He never smiles at you like that.

"You guys continue eating.", Seokmin is already up grabbing his coat, "I'll get our food packed."

When Seokmin leaves, the rest four look at you worried and you feel pity for yourself. How could you not guess, Jeonghan had never lead you on, always being indifferent, constantly rejecting all your approaches for the last two year.

He didn't like you at all, he has been saying it all along but you were to stubborn to admit and accept. But now you do.

For you, it has been always him.

For him, it would be anyone but you.

You are grabbing your belongings, "Tell Seokmin, I'll be waiting by his car."

Then you sprint out. It's only when Wonwoo calls out your name, Jeonghan notices you.

He sees you running towards the exit, only if he didn't know better, he watches as you wipe your tears while do so.

Tonight it's not only you who's suffering from heartbreak, Seokmin's heart breaks yet again seeing those tear stained cheeks, hearing those wrenching sobs. He puts you to bed and sets the food on your table so that in the middle of night when you wake up hungry, you don't have to look around for food. He runs the bath for you, sets the towels and knowing that you'd be having a terrible headache later, he keeps the glass filled with water and the medicines on the nightstand. He does more and all while wiping his own tears.

Because like you, he too knows nothing breaks like a heart.

Next day Jeonghan doesn't see you at the office entrance. You don't greet him when he walks by your desk to his cabin. It's almost afternoon and you haven't walked through the cabin door even once. At lunch you don't sit with him, you're happily chatting away with Chaein while eating.

Jeonghan thinks something is wrong with him. Everytime he hears faint sound of footsteps his eyes perks at the cabin door. He doesn't like the coffee Seonji makes him. He doesn't like it when some random guy sits in front of him at lunch and while his eyes stray at you almost every second, you don't spare him a glance.

It's around 5 in the evening when you knock on his door.

Jeonghan can't describe the sensation his feeling right now, as if he has waiting for this moment lifelong.

You place a file on his table and say, "The Scheduler team wants to know about all the applications which are planned to retire from our system before the next monthly cycle. I have made a list for same, please have a look once and let me know in case of any concerns."

"Okay.", he says and you give him a nod.

"Don't you have anything to say?", he asks and you look at him confused, "No, I think this is the priority task at the moment, I'll let you know if anything else comes up, Jeonghan."

His own name feels foreign to his ears. By the time he's about to say something again, you are already out of his cabin.

This goes on for the whole week and Jeonghan feels he can't function anymore. He makes unnecessary trips within the office premise everytime walking by your desk just in hopes of getting called by you. You never do.

He waits for you at lunch but you're always gone. He never sees you smiling at him again. You never ask him out now. The coffee doesn't help to keep his stress away, the office doesn't feel homier anymore.

Isn't this all he wanted, Jeonghan asks himself. Aren't you the annoying co-worker who was always getting on his nerves?

And he's scared to listen to the answer his heart has to echo.

It's Monday, the first working day of a very new week and Jeonghan still looks at the entrance expectantly just to see you this time. He double takes to make sure he's not hallucinating and a smile tugs on his lips.

His face regains the seriousness as he approaches you and much to his dismay you don't notice him. He clears his throat to have your attention.

"Morning, Jeonghan.", you greet him curtly.

"Morning", he asks, eyes glancing over your hands to see if they have any takeaway coffee cup in them but they are empty, "Aren't you going in?"

"I'm waiting for someone.", comes your dry response.

Ain't that someone me?

"Okay....", he has no reason to linger anymore.

You are exhausted, sleep deprived blame the late night marathons of your favourite shows you've been pulling.

Reason, to keep your mind occupied with something which is not Jeonghan but the ache in your heart never dulls. Even though you have choosen peace with the fact that he'll never be yours, it's so new and difficult for you act indifferent towards him when you have been in love with him for two whole years.

When you're phones notifies you of a text, it has you rubbing your eyes just to make you're seeing it correct. You have got a text from Jeonghan reading-

Please make me coffee, it's a request.

When the Yoon Jeonghan who never texts you, never bothers to type back a response to your greetings or queries other anything related to work sends you a text, you're shocked.

Jeonghan feels like he can finally get the productive cells of body to work when he sees you entering holding a cup of coffee.

"You don't look good.", you say placing the cup on his table, "Are you okay?"

When he doesn't respond, you continue, "If you're not feeling well, please take the day off, I'll notify you of any urgent matters from our team prospective."

Jeonghan thinks it's the only chance he'd get to clear the misunderstandings so he speaks, "Me and Yoora are still good friends, that night at the restaurant she treated me because of a promotion she got at her company."

"Great to know. Good wishes on my behalf.", you are poised when you say, "From next time please refrain from sharing anything other from work related matters. I have no interest in your personal life and I think we are not close at all to be sharing updates on same."

Either he's mishearing or you're possessed, he's sure it's either. This ain't the you he wants. This ain't the you he needs.

Your tone emits grief when you speak further, "I deeply regret for the inconvenience I've caused you for the past years. I'm really sorry. But rest assured I won't be causing any more trouble, I'll out soon."

"What do you mean by that?", he's off his seat and in front of you instantly, "Did something happen?"

"Indeed.", You nod while smiling, "I accepted that you won't go out with me. I also accepted that you hate me. So there's no more pestering you from my side."

Jeonghan never thought his words would come back to him biting in his ass which he's not capable of taking.

"You can't do this...", he's not even sure of the words he's uttering, "Are you giving up on me?"

"Yes, I'm giving you what you wanted by giving up on you."

Jeonghan realises how much that he has gotten used to you. You're like the good parasite that clogs his mind whenever you're around and even if you're not. His mornings used to start with your messages, you used to magnetize yourself on him during the office hours and the last notification he got before sleeping was also from you.

So now he doesn't like the lack of attention from you at all and he'd do anything to have it back. He'd do anything to have you back.

He tries to be in your shoes for the next days. He waits for you at the entrance holding four cups of takeaway coffee cups because he doesn't you what like. Everyone who passes throws him a questioning gaze. Everyone except you. You walk pass by him, unfazed and unbothered.

"Y/N wait!", when you don't stop, he is following you, "I bought these for you and also if you could tell me what you like so that I can buy that."

You give him an incredulous look, "What are trying to do?"

"Just trying to get you morning coffee..."

You scoff and walk away.

When you go for lunch, Jeonghan pops up out of nowhere and not only he's tailing you, he's even occupying the seat beside you. He's suddenly texting you good mornings and good nights and throughout the day something or other but there's no progress.

Roles reversed, you don't even bat an eyelash at him now.

It makes him realise how ass of a person he has been to you and how angel of a human you were to tolerate all this and still love him with your all.

"What's wrong with Jeonghan nowadays?", Joshua asks genuinely curious. You all are gathered for a coffee break, as he stands opposite to where Jeonghan is stood from accross the room, he constantly notices him throwing glances, "He keeps looking at you Y/N."

"Jeonghan is that thick brain who realises what he had and lost when it's too late.", Jihoon snorts as he takes a sip casually, "What the hell, who put sugar in my coffee?"

Joshua is suddenly walking away and you laugh which makes Jihoon aware of the culprit.

Next he's chasing Joshua.

You are still smiling, gaze lingering on those two when you notice Jeonghan approaching you from the periphery of your vision. Not wanting to waste any energy on him you think of leaving the hall when someone bumps into you.

It's Seonji.

"Heard you stopped chasing Jeonghan?", she taunts, "Good that your brain's finally working."

"I want to you know if this concerns you anyway and why?", you ask and quickly turn to check if Jeonghan is in hearing vicinity. He is.

"I thought it's obvious? That we're close and might be together soon.", she says confidently, "You've noticed how behaves towards you is completely opposite of how his behaviour is towards me."

"Congratulations", you pat on her arm and incline closer to her as you whisper in her ear , "Let's see if Jeonghan is aware of this as well?"

Seonji's freezes for a moment when she realises that Jeonghan has been present there all along and have listened to the conversation that just happened.

"Congratulations to you too Jeonghan.", you wish him, "I can see, a match made of likes."

"There's nothing going on between us Y/N", he pleads as his hands itches to grab you so that you don't slip away before he finishes but out of professionalism and respect he doesn't, "She's just a junior from my university."

'You don't have to explain, I'm not interested.", you tell him before walking out.

Jeonghan is furious and Seonji thinks his glare is enough to make her evaporate without any trace.

"Jo Seonji", his voice is dangerously low and threatening, "I was being nice to you just because we're acquaintances from before but I realised how wrong it was."

"Han--"

"It's Jeonghan for you. If I hear you uttering such nonsense one more time, I'll report you to the committee for harassing me.", he's practically glowering, "And I want the database for all the transactions that occurred between us and our oldest clients with the analysis document by EOD."

"But that's too much of data Jeonghan, how would I be able to--"

"That's for you to sort out.", he says, "If I don't get the design model, I'll report it to your manager and she'll handle it from there."

Seonji is all sweaty and faltering when she hears, "I see you anywhere near Y/N without any official need, I'll make sure you're stepping down your position."

To those who thought Jeonghan has changed, they just witnessed the infamous scary Yoon Jeonghan again today.

They also realised that Jeonghan is still the same authoritative, strict and stoic faced coordinator for all.

He has changed, just for you.

"When are you gonna tell her?", Soonyoung asks wrapping his arm around Seokmin's shoulder as they gather on the rooftop during the lunch break.

Seokmin is torn.

"She's coping up with the pent ups because of Jeonghan and I don't wanna add to her stress.", he laments.

"I hate to admit that you're correct but I'm worried because I think if you don't shot your shoot now then it'll be gone.", Soonyoung's concern is evident in his tone.

"I can't just tell Y/N that I love her all of a sudden when she's in love with someone else for a long time.", it pains him to speak it out, "Because I know how painful unrequited love can be..."

Soonyoung sighs, as he frames his next question carefully, "When will be the right time, Seokmin?

There's never a right time, he thinks.

Jeonghan doesn't avail the elevator, he's climbing down the stairs hurriedly.

When he decided to go the rooftop to cool off after the Seonji episode he again unintendedly overhears the conversation between Soonyoung and Seokmin, the two men obviously staying oblivious about his presence.

His anger from before morphs into a mix of shock and scare. Shock because it didn't occur to him ever that Seokmin could be in love with you. Scared because, well he is yet to figure out the reason.

Walking through the hoistway door leads his chance encounter with Mr. Choi, your manager.

"Jeonghan", he calls him, "I have been meaning to meet you."

"Anything urgent Mr. Choi?"

Mr. Choi smiles, "It might be, for your concern. Y/N has requested for transfer, she wants to move out the team."

Jeonghan stiffens, all the strength in his body dwindles.

Carefully studying his face, his unfocused eyes and a lack of response urges Mr. Choi to speak further, "Since you're her immediate senior and she has been working under you for these years, your say would matter because I know no one would want to loose an efficient member like her. If the team has enough effort excluding her then I'd approve her request "

"Thanks for letting me know Mr. Choi. Please put it aside for now, I'll talk to her and get to back to you.", Jeonghan requests and the older man obliges.

You are currently working on reconciliation of a piece of code with all your concentration when there's a knock on your desk. You look up to find Jeonghan who's mutters a serious 'in my cabin now' when your gazes meet before walking into the said room.

You think of everything and anything you could have done to cause any trouble but nothing comes up, so you are immediately off your seat and entering the cabin.

Jeonghan has never felt this exhausted in his entire life, never because of you. When you used to clinge to him it had became a normality, though he never admited it was the only fun and good part of the office hours. You made him feel the belongingness, when everyone was scared of him, you were brave enough to step up and court him.

And now when he sees the indifference in you towards him, learns about Seokmin's feelings for you, he's beyond frustrated.

Another mistake, he channels it in a wrong way and at a wrong time.

"Jeonghan?"

Your call of his name breaks his reverie.

He looks you dead in yours eyes and asks, "You requested a tranfer?"

You knew your manager would be informing Jeonghan and the only obstacle in that request to get approved would be him, the reason you wanted the transfer in first place.

Before you could assert an answer Jeonghan scowls, "Are you really going to bring your personal life to your workspace? Suddenly one day you decide you'll stop liking me or whatever and then you're requesting to be assigned to a different project? Is that what you call professionalism Y/N?"

You are rendered speechless. You don't let those tears pooling in your eyes fall even though you are hurt.

"I thought two years is long enough to know someone", you inhale sharply, "But you don't know me at all. I wasted two years of my life for the guy who just now disregarded my love for him by calling it liking or whatever."

Jeonghan bites his tongue hard when he traces back on the words he had uttered.

"When I had asked you that if it would matter to you if I leave, you had casually slipped out a good riddance. So I'm doing us a favour and you should be happy but you're not.", you are hot in anger and rage, as your gaze tows upon the man infront of you, "You're not happy because no one's buying you coffee, no one's keeping you company, you don't have your files organised, you don't have anyone to take shit from you without retorting. Have you been always this selfish?"

It's his turn to be speechless. He has seemingly fueled every occurance for the past years to work against him currently.

"This is professionalism Yoon Jeonghan.", you tell him, "Me not stalling my growth anymore and letting in space for productivity and skills showcasing for myself is my professionalism. I stayed because of you but I won't do that anymore."

"I'm sorry, please let me clarify things", Jeonghan is eyeing you alarmingly as he walks towards you.

You hold out your arm and his feet instantly roots to the ground.

"Thanks for assuring me that I've made the right decision. You aren't worthy of my love, you never were. I'll stop loving you one day and I'll make sure that day comes soon."

A tear falls down your cheek and then they are streaming altogether. You fail to choke the sobs and Jeonghan says nothing, knowing that the only way he can help you is by keeping his silence.

And when you sprint out of the cabin, he wants nothing but to stop you and engulf you in his embrace. Although he's physically frozen but his mind deducts several conclusions.

He senses by hurting you, he hurts himself tenfold.

He laments on the fact that office is just all work and nothing to look forward to anymore because he misses you.

He likes his personal space invaded only if it's by you.

Maybe it's late but he's sure that his heart is constricting in pain within his chest because it's broken.

This time he's choking a sob, legs giving up as he falls to the ground when he finally accepts that he got his heartbroken even before he realised that he's in love.

That he's in love with you.

→ Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip. ©️

[toruro]

i saw you're looking for ot13 scenarios n stuff, so i would like to propose: svt as types of boba/bubble tea! (hope ur having a good day <3)

svt as boba drinks!

this is a mix of drink i think they are & drinks they would get!

seungcheol — he’s like a strawberry smoothie with boba and lychee jelly

jeonghan — gets a cup full of boba pearls no tea

joshua — taro milk tea (boring. basic. but he swears it hits every time.)

jun — matcha strawberry but probably gets it with like basil seeds or something to be different

soongyoung — nutella milk tea. child. adds cheese foam on top for character even though the flavors don’t go well together

wonwoo — winter melon w cream on top

jihoon — passionfruit green tea at 100% sugar levels. i feel like he gives very sweet fruity drink energy like i can’t explain it guys it’s just a vibe

seokmin — hokkaido milk tea ... idk like it just works ok

mingyu — hibiscus black tea with agar jelly because he thinks it looks cool and sounds pretty but actually hates it but pulls through it anyways just because of his pride

minghao — toffee caramel milk tea bc it’s my favorite drink ever

seungkwan — okinawa milk tea … comforting and familiar taste

vernon — i once saw a person get a chocolate smoothie with lychee jelly and i feel like it is very Vernon.

chan — brown sugar milk tea from like tiger sugar in those cute little cups that are super instagramable and takes a bajillion pics but ends up hating the drink bc it's too sweet

[rubyreduji]

svt as high school musical characters

this is so self indulgent don't look at me

TROY - SEOKMIN; popular puppy boy jock who's super talented at singing and isnt stuck up and is super sweet and romantic

GABRIELLA - JOSHUA; the vibes are just there man i can't explain this one

CHAD - SEUNGCHEOL; i love the idea of him being the jock bestie who slowly starts to enjoy singing and stuff

TAYLOR - WONWOO; smart bestie who is supportive but also gives good judgement

SHARPAY - SEUNGKWAN; blond singer who can be a diva but also gets a pass to being a diva because duh they just do

RYAN - SOONYOUNG; blond fruity choreographer moving on

KELSI - JIHOON; do i really have to explain this one...

ZEKE - MINGYU; big jock who loves baking and is a simp

MARTHA - CHAN; THE dancer who brings the good vibes

JASON - VERNON; just some silly guy who is there

there's only ten super distinctive hsm characters so im sorry jeonghan, jun, and minghao </3 i will make it up to you guys

[ferrariseventeen]

seventeen as perfumes

Seungcheol: a rich and creamy gourmand with base notes of tonka bean and patchouli, middle notes of peach,tobacco and vanilla and top notes of honey 

Jeonghan: is a floral woody with a hint of sweetness with base notes of sandalwood,musk and amber, middle notes of jasmine,orchid and mint and a top note of bergamot 

Joshua: is a dark woody classic scent with a leather and amber as base notes and black pepper,iris and cederwood as middle notes along with cashmere and bergamot as top notes

Jun: jun is a light floral musk with a hint of sweetness on the dry down, base notes include white musk and jasmine, middle notes of pink pepper and top notes of neroli

Soonyoung : is a striking spicy scent with a base of ginger, clove buds and leather with middle notes of orange,sandlewood and vanilla bourbon and a top note of orange blossom 

Wonwoo: is a warm and sophisticated scent with base notes of amber wood and white musk with vanilla accord as a middle note and top notes of chestnut and kashmir wood

Jihoon: is a fresh and sweet gourmand scent with whipped cream and praline as base notes, white musk and pear as middle notes and a fresh lavender as a top note

Seokmin: is somewhere between fruity and woody with a base of sandalwood and white musk with middle notes of fig tree, poppy and violet and top notes of peach and fig

Mingyu: is a fresh twist on a classic with base notes of leather, middle notes of coconut,amber and pomegranate and a top note of fresh water lily

Minghao: is a dark fruity sensual scent with a base of ginger,patchouli and black current with middle notes of pomegranate and plum and with top notes of raspberry and fig

Seungkwan: is an aquatic floral with base notes including sweet lotus,sea salt and lime with a middle note of lily and top notes of apple and jasmine

Vernon: is very unique with a base of toacco,leather and saffron, middle notes of sparkling grapefruit, yuzu and pink pepper and top notes of amber 

Chan: has base notes of coriandor, cedar and tonka bean with a middle note of bourbon and top notes of citruses and honey

[holdinbacksecrets]

What drinks (hot/cold) would you offer each boy at a sleepover?

seungcheol: something strong and auburn in a short, wide glass. it’s been a week

jeonghan: something half drank, red, and covered with tin foil because you lost the cork

joshua: something sweet and spicy like chai with steamed milk

soonyoung: eye of the tiger cocktail in a glass with little tigers on it because you’re whipped

jun: something fruity and blended

wonwoo: something hot and brewed strong

jihoon: something fizzy and sweet and please remember to brush your teeth. it’s pure sugar. *blinks* i'm not an animal

seokmin: something warm and chocolatey with marshmallows and a youtube fireplace

mingyu: something alcoholic, preferably a beer. shit… should we walk to the little corner store? i only have water and apple juice

minghao: something hot and herbal

seungkwan: something… oh- he arrived with an iced americano

hansol: something clear and refreshing because it’s all you ever have. if that didn’t give it away, it’s water

chan: something cold and alcoholic

[sluttyminghao]

What candy would each svt member be

i would like to thank the going sluts gc for helping me with this (specifically @hotgirlvernon and @underratedlovedone)

Seungcheol: those strawberry candies that only grandmas carry around and appear randomly in candy dishes you know the ones

Jeonghan: sour patch kids. i don’t think this really needs an explanation tbh

Joshua: hi chew (idk what this is but i’m gonna say it’s accurate)

Junhui: skittles that man is the whole rainbow and then some he be acting fruity af

Soonyoung: warheads. i don’t think this one needs an explanation either in all honesty

Wonwoo: almond joy. i don’t really understand this one either but it was a unanimous decision

Jihoon: coca cola flavoured gummies. he’s a cola fanatic so this one makes complete sense imo

Seokmin: airheads (i do not understand this one for the third time but the name of the candy makes enough sense to me)

Mingyu: those assorted boxes of chocolate you can buy at the dollar store

Minghao: matcha flavoured kit kats; these literally just scream minghao right down to the flavour.

Seungkwan: potchi (no explanation for this. don’t know what it is but thank you to @berrryshortcake for this input)

Vernon: a ring pop

Chan: starburst!!

[wonwoopsiedaisy]

aftercare

pairing: dk x gn!reader (i think so let me know if anything shows otherwise)

genre: soft aftercare!dk

warnings: implied sex, aftercare, reader is a bit smaller than dk, kissies, cuddles

wc: 424

a/n: urg ok lets try this again im scared it won’t be as good

you both laid next to each other, sweat slick skin, basking in the silence for what seemed like the first time in the last hour or so. you weren’t sure which, but some of your limbs were still connected as your breathing finally slowed back down.

seokmin waited a few moments longer before pushing himself up, taking you with him so he could go and clean you both up. he waddled the pair of you into your ensuite bathroom, sitting you on the toilet as he prepared the water.

he took your hand and led you into the shower, the sounds of the water hitting the tiles instantly relaxing you. he placed you out of the stream of water, lathering up some fruity body wash into his palms before rubbing it all over your body, massaging a few tense areas.

once he was done, he switched places with you, letting you rinse the soap off as he washed himself too. he stole lots of quick kisses from you, because he knew that once you had finished cleaning up, you would be tucked back into bed all comfy.

he quickly exited the shower, half-heartedly drying himself off because he knew you were waiting for him. he grabbed the biggest and softed towel, opening to widely as you walked into it, letting him wrap it around you, before he turned you around and got to work drying you off.

you stared up at his concentrated face, a sincere smile gracing your lips as you tiptoed up to kiss his jaw. realising this, he stops and bends his head down to connect your lips, smiling into it as you lean into him further.

he lets you get into one of his tshirts and some underwear and he quickly changes the sheets, slipping into some joggers himself, just in time as he watches you leave the bathroom, slippers adorning your feet.

he turns the lights down, getting into bed first as always, arms open waiting for you to join him.

as soon as you do, immediately snuggling into his chest, one last kiss is shared between the two of you, before your face is buried into the nape of his neck, your soft breaths tickling the skin. his own evened out not too long after, a smile settling on his lips.

[planetscoups]

working on it

pairing: lee seokmin x f!reader

synopsis: You were such a damned tease, and you knew it. You loved the attention your clothes(or lack thereof) received when you were in public. All the eyes on you made you feel powerful, knowing you could have any man you wanted(and you often did). You were so focused on how good it felt tempting men, you failed to realize just how much you were tempting fate. Tonight would be the night he made his move. He’s been working on getting you alone for a while now. Working on turning you into his needy little fuck-toy.

warnings: mature, explicit sexual content, non-consensual/r**e, dr*gging, somnophilia, (slight n*crophilia??? depends on how you read it), unprotected sex, dom/sub dynamics, degradation, daddy kink, misogyny, creampie, breeding kink

w/c: 2.4k

The latest viral Tik Tok song was blasting through the living room when you entered the house, squeezing past bodies as they bobbed and swayed to the beat. It wasn’t your taste, but it was catchy enough for you to tolerate. You fixed your cleavage as you moved closer to the drink station, a habit you’d developed from the years of having it exposed so frequently. You were wearing the shortest dress you could find at the mall yesterday, matching heels tied around your ankles. The dress tightly hugged your figure, leaving little to the imagination. Not only did you have a nice rack, your plump ass deliciously poked out of the bottom of the piece, threatening to pop out at any moment. You could feel the eyes on your back as you made your first drink of the night. Giggles from groups of drunk girls and shutters from shameless guy’s cellphones were heard as you leaned over the table, using a ladle to fill your cup with the host’s fruity concoction. 

There was a sudden outburst as the chorus of the song hit, people getting hyped for the only part they could sing along to. You shuffled to an empty spot on the wall, leaning back against it. You slowly sipped on your drink, making sure not to spill it on yourself. You grimaced, holding back the urge to retch. Of course, it was way more alcohol than juice as you’d anticipated. You weren’t the heaviest drinker, not ever able to fully get over the taste. You tapped the side of the cup as you gathered up the strength for a second swig. There was a buzz on your hip, and you glanced down at the source. The mini clutch on your shoulder was only big enough for essentials: lip gloss, a cellphone, baby wipes, a clip of bills, and two condoms(in case one broke). You quickly downed more of the beverage, slipping your phone from your pocket and checking the notifications. There was a message from your friend, Seokmin. “Hi!” it read, paired with a waving emoji. He always sent that when he spotted you in public. A little quirk of his that you found endearing.

“Too strong?” You heard the familiar voice ask. You managed to keep it down, eyes rolling up to meet his. He was holding a cup of his own, though it looked like he hadn’t started on it.

“Oh buddy, you’ve got no idea.”

“Maybe a bit. It’s never been my cup of tea either. My cup of liquor, if you will.” He said, placing his hand over his chest. You could tell he was waiting for you to laugh. You hated how badly you wanted to, but you couldn’t give him the satisfaction. Once he landed a joke, it was hard to make him stop. You shot him a meager smile, lips wavering as you held back a snicker, which was good enough for him. “So, who’s the get-up for tonight?” 

He slid in next to you, excusing himself as he moved between you and some girl who was choosing which picture to add to her Instagram story.

“It’s for me, as usual. Have you ever done anything for your own enjoyment?” You asked teasingly, poking him in the side. The contact was minimal but somehow felt taboo. For some reason, it hadn’t occurred to you before tonight just how attractive your friend was. Maybe it was because this was a rare time when he’d actually put effort into his appearance. His hair was gelled back in a quiff-like fashion, exposing his forehead. His outfit was simple but it worked: a white tee was tucked into denim Levi’s, held in place by a black belt. His shoulders hosted a leather jacket(you didn’t even know he owned one), and he wore a pair of black leather boots to bring it together. You could smell the cologne wafting off of him, mentally noting to tell him he’d used too much. Who did he think he was, James Dean?

“Depends on what it is.” He said, so low that you barely heard it. There was an unfamiliar thickness in his tone. It scared you a bit. It also excited you. 

“Yeah? Like what?” You weren’t trying to be flirtatious, genuinely interested in the answer. But the way you looked up at him when you said it, head cocked to the side in curiosity, was starting to get to him. It was like you were challenging him, daring him to say what he’d been dying to. Your pupils were beginning to dilate, whether or not it was from the alcohol, he couldn’t tell. It was definitely kicking in though, he noticed. You were a handsy drunk, absentmindedly rubbing his arm as you waited for him to speak. But how could he? He was already struggling to even look at you and now you were touching him? It was like you knew exactly how the nerves in his body were wired, every sensation sending signals straight to his dick. You were so close, he could lean in and just… But he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. He wasn’t going to blow this opportunity. He gulped, taking a moment to compose himself. 

“Well, I like to watch movies, and uh, I sing sometimes…” He rambled on, talking a lot without saying much of anything. But you didn’t mind, you liked the sound of his voice. Him prattling in your ear paired with the alcohol was making your brain go all fuzzy. You felt light as you took another sip; like you could jump and float up to the moon. Luckily you used him as an anchor, otherwise, you were sure you’d drift away. 

“How’s the drink coming along?” You were pulled out of your reverie, biting your lip as you concentrated on processing his words. 

“It’s gone. I drank it all.” You slurred, shaking the empty container. You showed him the contents, right before you hiccupped. “Hm, excuse me!” 

“Do you want mine? I don’t think I’m going to indulge tonight.” You smiled warmly as he offered the cup to you, happy at the convenience. Gratefully accepting the second cup, you slipped it over the one you were already holding. You greedily swallowed the liquid, no longer concerned about the flavor. This one was sweeter than the last, though.

“What’d you put in this? It’s delicious!” You asked suddenly, alerting Seokmin. If he hadn’t thought ahead, this question would’ve tripped him up. But he’d planned for even this. 

“Just some Kool-Aid mix, you know the kind that you add to water bottles?” You nodded in acknowledgment, satisfied with the information. He carefully watched you top it off, licking his lips. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” He asked, lifting himself off of the wall. He turned to you, holding out his hand. 

“Where would we go?” You muttered, hesitant. Any other night, you’d follow him anywhere in this state. But there was a nagging feeling in your gut. He seemed different, not like himself. You weren’t sure what had gotten into him, or why you were so afraid to find out. He grabbed your wrist, forcibly pulling you closer to him. 

“Don’t you want to come back to my place?” He whispered, words echoing in your head. They seemed far away, like you were deep in a cave and he was shouting them from the entrance.

“I… I just want to go ho-.” Before you could complete your statement, you were hit by a wave of fatigue. You gripped his biceps, losing strength in your legs. Your eyelids blinked rapidly, feeling heavier by the second. 

“It’s okay, I got you.” He said, pulling your weight on him. You could feel yourself being led outside, the throb of the music and the mass of voices working to lull you further. Your eyes refused to open, laden with some unknown force. This wasn’t like you. You might’ve been a light drinker by choice, but you could definitely hold your liquor. 

“Why is everything so heavy?” You wondered aloud. The sound of the party growing fainter as you were dragged to Seokmin’s car. 

“It must be everything you drank. You just need to rest.” He said matter-of-factly, placing you into the passenger seat before buckling you in.

No! You thought. You would’ve yelled it if you could, but your tongue also grew tired. Two cups! You protested in your mind. I only had two cups! 

The last thing you recalled was the sound of his car cranking up, the roar of the engine putting you out.

…

You woke to the feeling of him moving inside of you. He carelessly pumped his cock into your pussy, using you, violating you. The sensitivity of your swollen vagina made the feeling almost unbearable. Your gasp was muffled by his palm, held firmly over your mouth. How long had he been at this?

“Oh, is sleeping beauty finally awake? I was just about to cum in you for the fifth time. Not that I’m counting.” He said, thrusts becoming rougher. Now that you were conscious, he was really letting loose. His bed squeaked in protest as he fucked you into it.

You still couldn’t open your eyes, but you knew where you were. You’d been here enough times to recognize your friends’ bedroom. You remembered how it always smelled like citrus due to his habit of eating tangerines and leaving the peels everywhere. Now it was mixed with the smell of your sex, an offensive blend that turned your stomach. You remembered the way the blankets felt on your skin, as you’d been tucked under them plenty of nights. Never for this purpose, though. Now you lay naked underneath him, still as a cadaver while he rocked steadily on top of you. Your nipples were raw from being abused, and you let out a pitiful whine whenever he rubbed against them.

Everything within you told you to fight. To punch, to slap, to kick, to bite. But you couldn’t, you were unable to move. You squirmed pathetically underneath him, making him laugh. 

“What’s the rush, princess? We’ve got all night.”

He brought his hand between the two of you, rubbing circles into your clit. What was wrong with you? You wanted to hurt him, to make him bleed. Instead, you let out a moan, your body responding to the stimulation. God, the things he had done to you, that he was doing to you, you wanted to hate it, but it was starting to feel really, really good.

“Don’t stop!” You cried out, head shooting back against the pillow beneath you. Your eyes flew open, lust apparent in them as they met his. “Don’t stop, keep fucking me, please.”

“Just as I thought, y/n!” He groaned, feeling your walls tighten around him. His lips came down hard on yours. The kiss was hungry, primal. “So dirty for me, so filthy!” 

He bottomed out in you, making your back arch in pleasure. You both were close, he knew it. He kicked into overdrive, leaning close to your ear.

“You wanted this, didn’t you? Wanted me to use you like the cock sleeve you are, huh?” Your eyes were rolling back, skin heating up at his disrespectful words. It was uncanny, how a man so sweet could utter such vulgar things. But the dichotomy made it that much hotter for you. Besides, he was right. You were a cock sleeve, and you weren’t ashamed of it. 

“Yesss.” You purred, chasing your bliss, trembling at the tightness in your core.

“Needed me to show you how sluts are treated. ‘Cause good girls don’t dress like that, only dumb worthless sluts do. That’s all you are, all you’ll ever be, got it?”

“Yes, daddy...” You moaned out. You weren’t sure why, it just felt right. He paused, propping himself up on his hands. His face was alight with the most wicked grin.

“So, you want me to be your daddy?” The amusement in his voice would’ve irked you had he not just been fucking you into oblivion. 

You nodded enthusiastically, a pout forming on your face. Your lashes fluttered, giving the best puppy dog eyes you could muster. 

“It’s gonna take a lot more than a pout to make me yours, baby. I need you to work for it. Be a good little whore for me.” And just like that, he had you. Hook line, and sinker.

“I’ll do it, daddy! I’ll be the best whore for you, I’ll do whatever you want!” You pleaded.

“That’s what I like to hear.” He huffed, nearing the end himself. He slammed his hips into yours, giving your clit a final flick. “Now, cum for me.”

And you did. You would’ve done it either way, but it hit harder knowing you were doing it for him. Sparks blotted your vision as the pleasure rolled through you, your legs spasming as your pussy convulsed around him. His name left your mouth like a mantra, praising and cursing him alike. His orgasm followed shortly after, fresh spunk coating your insides, blending with the previous loads. You moaned as he filled you once again, giving shallow strokes as you milked him dry. He collapsed on top of you, head resting in the crook of your neck.

“Fuck, y/n, I can’t get enough of you.” He rolled over beside you once he’d recovered, supporting himself on his elbow. Gazing at your figure, he reached his hand over your stomach, rubbing it in wide circles.

“Gonna blow this belly up, pump you full of my babies.” He said, kissing your temple as if he’d done it a thousand times. “Would you like that, y/n? Want to be my breeding sow?”

“Of course, daddy!” You happily obliged. At that moment, there was nothing you wanted more. Well, maybe one thing.

“You didn’t have to drug me, you know.” You sighed, rolling your eyes to look at him. You still couldn’t control most of your body, which annoyed you. “If you wanted me, you could’ve just asked.”

“But, y/n…” He looked at you in that playful way of his. The way he looked before he told what he believed to be an absolute banger of a joke. You braced yourself for the inevitable punchline. 

“Where’s the fun in that?” He spat, barely containing his laughter long enough to get it out. Like an idiot, you joined in, 'cause how could you not? Like most times, you’d stupidly laugh along with him, more from his reaction than the joke itself.

[bangchanswolfpelt]

*quietly drops this into ur inbox after like 2 months* part 2 of svt relationships. as a treat

jun + the8:

- SOULMATES PART THREE!!!!!! - sunshiney boy + intelligent book boy but taken to another level - jun seems quiet and unapproachable but is secretly a giant sweetheart and full of love - minghao seems like a good respectful boy but he’s actually a chaotic meme king who’s obsessed with kermit (the number of Minghao Roasting People compilations can attest to this. also see: haunted house gose episode, which is actually what really got me into svt in the first place) - i love these two forever. exasperated mom friend x flirty dreamy friend - it’s junhui running around and being loud and telling really horrible pickup jokes while minghao pretends to be disgusted but is actually cackling on the inside!!! - it’s minghao roasting everyone while jun hovers supportingly on the side!!!! it’s them making fun of each other in the sweetest possible way!! (minghao imitating jun in the talent show gose episode KILLED ME) - not only that, but the trust that these two have in each other, kind of like vernon and joshua but perhaps even more, as people from an unfamiliar country that gave everything to dance on a stage - best way to encapsulate them: the my i performance. The My I Performance. i have nothing else to say woozi + hoshi:

- overexcited extrovert friend + exhausted introvert friend - jihoonie’s so like. tolerantly fond of soonyoung’s shenanigans and it Makes Me Soft - see: that one vlive where he just let hoshi fuck around with his recording equipment - there’s really not much to say here i just love these two and their dynamic - hoshi: going absolutely batshit insane. woozi: on the side with sunglasses and a smoothie

vernon + seungkwan:

- MY CHILDREN. MY DARLINGS. - the Literal Epitome of the “kick his ass baby, i got yo flower” meme - seungkwan is honestly someone i relate to on a like. molecular level. - the man is so chaotic and loud and unrestrained and has ABSOLUTELY no care for his reputation and vernon’s just quietly supporting him in the back and i!!!!!!! - anyways - lowkey one of my favorite relationships to just watch interact with each other without words?? like they’re so at home with each other that they don’t need to act "nice" or be polite and it’s literally so good - i live for the comfortable married-couple energy - also: vernon, when asked during a LIVE CONCERT what his favorite part of seungkwan is: (without hesitation) *slaps seungkwans ass* - a key part of their dynamic: vernon doing something stupid and seungkwan: a) pouting. b) making fun of him. c) joining in. d) all of the above. - alexa play best friend by saweetie i CANT DEAL WITH THESE TWO - unrelated: vernon’s fashion sense and the collective group disdain over makes me cry laugh. like sir please i love you but why do you look like someone took a pride flag and a ufo and put them in a blender booseoksoon:

- CHAOTIC TRIO!!! LIFEBLOOD OF THE GROUP!!!!! blessed blessed blessed - unmatched energy. the vibes alone would incinerate me on the spot - this is a constant cycle of batshit crazy member to the power of three resulting in Shenanigans Never Before Seen - hoshi-hoshi unrelentingly making fun of seungkwan is like my entire life. i can’t even do my little gay wrist limping without thinking of these two anymore (ps seungkwan is my fruity gay boy icon by aesthetic and attitude alone idc if he’s probably straight) the entirety of the svt episode where they all imitate each other is everflowing serotonin for my weak carat heart - seungkwan, in return, having absolutely no qualms to just fucking DECK soonyoungie when he pulls shit is just. top tier content at all times. i LOVE these two the epitome of squabbling siblings who hate each others’ guts but will also combine forces to create one absolute MENACE. mingyu/coups energy but times 100000000000000000 teasing and general chaos - Seokmin My Beloved: an 10 page essay by me - completing the trio with dolphin screams, nonsense sense, and absolutely no concern for his idol image - dk is a sweet sweet boy but if you put him in proximity to the members he just. goes absolutely insane i love him - seokmin uniting factor of booseoksoon u can’t change my mind: bridges gap between seungkwan-hoshi war. hes literally just vibing. king - stream just do it mingyu + seungkwan

- that meme where seungkwan’s about to fight someone and mingyu holds him back. this has happened multiple times. that is all

heheh.

xoxo honey anon 🍯

Jun and Minghao!! i don't give Jun a lot of real estate in my brainspace, but he's such a good sweet boy. the way their initial impressions are so opposite!! and then you get a peek under the surface and they're so different from those initial impression and still so different from each other, and yet!! they fit!!!!

i cannot remember where it is, but somewhere they talked about how they're not sure they would have been friends if they had ended up meeting under circumstances where they needed each other less, but that now they couldn't live without each other and it makes me 😭😭😭

(also. just. do not talk to me about how these thirteen boys were all thrown together and not all of them were compatible or friendly right off the bat, but when they had the choice between being swallowed alive and forgotten by history or figuring out how to not hate each other, they turned themselves into a fuckin family and. i am not crying you're crying 😤😤😤😭)

(also MINGHAO IN THE HAUNTED HOUSE IS SO ICONIC—it was actually the beginning of the end for my roommie in their battle to not slide into the diamond life, too, what a way to go :'] )

Vernon and Seungkwan—the way their mbti's changed to become more similar over time, and the way Seungkwan said Vernon was "cute and small like a puppy" when they met as trainees but now he's grown into a big dog, it all fuckin kills me 😭

my favorite way to describe DK is The Weird Kid in Grade School Who Never Actually Got the Weird Bullied Out of Him, all random impulse zero self-consciousness will do anything to make you laff

[woozisnoots]

carat crew!

use this link to create a lil carat icon \(^ヮ^)/

tagged by: @cha-lan this was too cute not to 😭

tagging: @lunatens @kthpurplesyou @escapewriter @xfirebenderx @elcie-chxn @xuseokgyu @chocosvt @fallinfllower + anyone who wants to do it! 💫✨🐝

this is me !

[riambers]

⇢ ˗ˏˋ svt fic recs! ࿐ྂ

key: ⦿ oneshot | ✍︎ au series | ☏ smau | ☐ ongoing | ☒ completed

last updated: 08/30/22

choi seungcheol

first to fall [☏, ☒] by @thepixelelf

yoon jeonghan

nothing yet!

hong joshua

love on the air [☏, ☒] by @suhnshinehaos

starstruck! [☏, ☒] by @cupidhaos

wen junhui

in full bloom [☏, ☐] by @wondernus

walls could talk [☏, ☒] by @svtskneecaps

kwon soonyoung

college au [⦿] by @warmau

bluff and nonsense [⦿] by @thepixelelf

jeon wonwoo

college au [⦿] by @warmau

to my youth [☏, ☒] by @viastro

bittersweet [☏, ☒] by @networkluvs

lee jihoon

you belong with me [☏, ☐] by @jihoonotes

yearning [☏, ☐] by @jihoonotes

lee seokmin

college au [⦿] by @warmau

kim mingyu

friends to lovers [⦿] by @warmau

xu minghao

superpower au [⦿] by @warmau

boo seungkwan

nothing yet!

vernon chwe

or, would you rather it be me [⦿] by @thepixelelf

work husband [⦿] by @wondernus

lee chan

play it again [☏, ☒] by @svtskneecaps

ot13 / multiple pairings

love struck! [☏, ☒] by @suhnshinehaos

apartment 5c [☏, ☒] by @suhnshinehaos

keep it fruity [☏, ☒] by @cupidhaos

radio star [☏, ☒] by @got-svt

[sluttywonwoo]

Hello helloo, so I've been having a little debate with my friend about who in svt would be a sucker for a nice-smelling s/o (my take is that hannie, shua, hoshi, and scoups are most sensitive to it!) but I'd be curious to know what you think are seventeen's favorite scents/perfumes? :)

seungcheol: anything expensive tbh… name brand shit like dior and louis vuitton

jeonghan: floral scents for sure!! any type of flower, but especially rose

joshua: perfumes that try to emulate fresh linens or clean laundry with a hint of femininity

jun: lavender bc it puts him to sleep

soonyoung: pheromones those victoria’s secret perfumes that every girl kept in their backpacks in high school

wonwoo: old spice deodorant, specifically figi (no this isn’t bc that’s what i use 👀)

jihoon: Axe Body Spray

seokmin: prefers plain soap to any artificial scent!!

mingyu: cocoa butter

minghao: might be a little on the nose but green tea or white tea scents. those are my personal favorites too they smell so good

seungkwan: warm scents like vanilla or cinnamon… he loves when you wear sweet fragrances bc he thinks you’re the sweetest

vernon: anything with earthy notes in it like mahogany or birch

chan: fruity scents like green apple or cherry

[suhnshinehaos]

hii i was wondering if you have any seventeen smau fic recommendations??

hiii !! oooh I haven't read any smaus in a hot second ;-; so these are just off the top of my head / what I can remember liking even from the days of my old blog

1. everything @cupidhaos writes is just absolutely *chef's kiss* tho my personal faves are keep it fruity (w/ the maknae line) and starstruck (shua simps-- I cannot recommend starstruck enough it's so well written and possibly my fave smau of all time)

2. @wonuism's spaced out (wonu) and stylish (woozi) !! the humour here is actually elite tier,, the amount of times I let out a lil chuckle >_<

3. @unmanageable-day's can I love? (cheol/wonu/hao) y'all anything friends to lovers is right up my alley

4. @lamarkeu's made with love (seokmin/gyu/cheol) culinary au ??? say less I am right there,, this one is just !!!

this is all my teensy lil brain can think of atm but ill definitely go back and edit this once I remember more hehe also- if anyone here has any fic recs for me...id love to hear 'em <3

[bibinnieposts]

➸ SEVENTEEN : members

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ choi seungcheol ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ GAME DAY

☆ the kids are going to be alright

☆ Made with Love / Made For Us

☆ first to fall

☆ terrifyingly innocent

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ yoon jeonghan ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ fated by stars ( mtl 1 / 2 )

☆ radio star

☆ new girl

☆ iris beauty

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ hong jisoo ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ fated by stars ( mtl 1 / 2 )

☆ radio star

☆ play along

☆ starstruck!

☆ love on air

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ wen junhui ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ remember us

☆ walls could talk

☆ REDAMANCY

☆ fate and desire

☆ love struck

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ kwon soonyoung ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ i will go to you like the first snow

☆ unrequited love

☆ love hard

☆ love struck

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ jeon wonwoo ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ to my youth

☆ pretty girl, you’re like peaches

☆ the ulzzang project 

☆ all fun and games

☆ radio star

☆ kismet and misfortune

☆ bittersweet

☆ Move!

☆ wanted: new roommate

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ lee jihoon ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ snake | eyes

☆ now playing...

☆ adore you

☆ love struck

☆ yearning

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ lee seokmin ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ Made with Love / Made For Us

☆ unrequited love

☆ What is Love? 

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ kim mingyu ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ from winter to spring ( mtl 1 / 2 )

☆ Made with Love / Made For Us

☆ unrequited love

☆ my daisy

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ xu minghao ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ i just see you

☆ flip a coin

☆ REDAMANCY

☆ minghao + historical au

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ boo seungkwan ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ keep it fruity

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ chwe hansol ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ LIE AGAIN

☆ keep it fruity

☆ two minus one

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ lee chan ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ holiday blind hate

☆ shit show

☆ keep it fruity

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ undecided / all ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

☆ Newsflash!

☆ soulmate au! svt

☆ package delivered!

> ©bibinnieposts ~ 2022  

[fallinnflower]

(you’re my) home

seungkwan x reader (exes to lovers!au, angst, fluff)

a/n: this took far longer than i thought it would, but i hope i did seungkwan justice! title is taken from the lyrics of “home,” of course~ thanks @wangtuanian​ as always for listening to me when i’m throwing ideas at the wall. in the editing stages this was referred to as “like a slow burn but worse,” so... yeah, happy reading!

wc: 9,086

August 29

“So, you’re saying you want to break up?”

“Well, I mean — yeah. I just don’t think I can do distance. And if we break up while you’re abroad and end up hating each other…”

“It’ll be awkward.”

“Right.”

“Right. Okay. Then let’s break up, Seungkwan.”

December 25

It was only two days after that conversation with Seungkwan that you boarded a plane for Canada. Despite the content of the conversation, your attitudes remained the same — he still tacked a heart onto the last text message you received before your plane rose off the tarmac, and he was still one of the first people you messaged once you had settled into your dorms. Although over the months you fell out of sync and out of contact (at least, in comparison to how you used to be — attached at the hip), you found yourself always thinking of Seungkwan. With your morning coffee, at your evening meal, on a walk to campus; your first love was in everything you did, and it took weeks for you to fall out of the habit of sending him a picture of every little thing that made you think of him. 

When his name popped up on your screen for FaceTime calls, there was still a heart next to his name. Sometimes you almost slipped up and said you loved him when he bid you goodnight, and instead you would settle for ‘sweet dreams,’ tucking yourself into bed and wrapping your arms around a pillow like you used to do him. 

And in December, when you descended the escalators in the bustling airport, there was still one familiar face you found yourself searching for, the same way you’d found yourself asking him for a ride when there were plenty of other friends with cars you could have contacted. Old habits die hard, you know it the moment you see him and your heart still skips a beat, legs itching to run to him, unseen forces drawing you ever nearer to the only boy you’ve ever loved—

You take a deep breath, smile coolly and wave from the bottom of the escalators to get his attention. His eyes light up for a moment when he sees you, then fade back to their usual sparkle, as if seeing you struck his heart like a match. He waits for you to make your way to him, and yet when you stand directly before him neither of you knows where to put your hands, your eyes, your words.

“Hey,” he says, eventually, dark eyes boring into yours. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks.” After a moment of deliberation, you both find yourself moving towards each other, your hand leaving the handle of your suitcase hesitantly, blood buzzing to be near him.

The sudden sound of the conveyor belt behind Seungkwan startles you both into stillness, and the both of you revert back to your previous positions, maintaining the distance between you.

“Is it, um— are you still using the purple suitcase?” Seungkwan asks, taking your carry-on from you and wheeling it towards the belt. 

“Yeah,” you say. He nods. The two of you stand side by side, eyes glued to the rotating carousel of luggage, waiting for the suitcase you’ve had since high school to come rolling by. The moment it does, Seungkwan lunges forward to grab it, taking hold of both of your suitcases as you follow him out of the terminal to his car.

Without thinking, you snag the aux cord as Seungkwan pulls out of the garage, but falter as you go to plug your phone in.

“Oh, um, did you want to play anything?” You ask, still holding onto the plug. Seungkwan shakes his head too fast,

“No, no, it’s fine. Go ahead.”

Your newest favorite song fills the car, and you shift your gaze out the window. Watching the bustling streets pass you by, you somehow feel foreign. With Seungkwan sitting beside you, fingers nervously drumming on the steering wheel, all you feel is the heavy weight of the silence, a burden you haven’t shouldered since before the two of you started dating. After a few anxious seconds spent at a red light, you find yourself huffing a breath out through your nose and pressing skip on your phone until you get to a song you know Seungkwan knows.

But even with his humming accompanying the tune, the overbearing awkwardness still speaks volumes. 

December 31

“Are you coming to Seungcheol’s party?” Soonyoung asks. You cradle your phone between your shoulder and ear, shoving your freshly washed clothing into the dryer. You hadn’t thought about how much laundry you’d have to do after being gone for a semester, but you’re glad you have the break to do it. 

“I don’t know,” you say. “Should I?” 

“Yeah,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Like he isn’t even thinking twice about the one person who gives you pause every second of every minute of every day. 

“We haven’t hung out in forever, Y/N. Come on!”

“Soonyoung…” You shove the dryer door closed and pass your free hand through your hair. “I just— I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“But we’re gonna do the countdown and everything! Josh even promised he’d make us some American food!” 

After a long moment, you let out a sigh.

“Fine.”

“Good! We’ll come get you at 7.”

“We?”

“Bye!”

“Soonyoung—!”

You check the time once you notice he’s hung up, frowning when you realize you only have a little over an hour to get ready but also get your laundry back upstairs before Soonyoung and whoever the hell else comes to drag you to Seungcheol’s.

If you’re honest, you’re not really in the partying spirit. You’re exhausted from cleaning your room and reorganizing all your things, catching up on sleep and readjusting to Korean time. All you want to do is lie around like a rock, but Soonyoung is right — it’s been a long time since you’ve seen your friends. For what it’s worth, you do miss them, but the drive back to your apartment with Seungkwan was a harrowing reminder of the time you’ve been gone and the changes that the passing sands brought. You just aren’t sure you’re ready to face all those changes head-on.

Nonetheless, you don a party-worthy outfit and attempt to put some care into your makeup, though the effort is exhausting enough that by the time you’re done you can’t be bothered to mess around much with your hair. You drag your fingers through it until it looks decent, then shove on a pair of slippers to go get your laundry. As you make your way back up, you think you have half a mind to just wear them to the party — who cares, after all? You’ll probably end up crashing on a couch and getting a ride back from Cheol in the morning. 

Or Seungkwan, a little voice in the back of your mind nags. You kick your apartment door open and then closed behind you, shaking your head to get the thoughts away. It hasn’t even been a week since you’d been home; a week since the evening you forced yourself to change his contact in your phone back to the bland ‘seungkwan’ it had been when you’d first saved his number. Somehow, it’s both too easy and too difficult to think about him; he’s too much and too often in your life and not enough, never enough.

When Soonyoung comes to get you, you realize the ‘we’ he was referring to is just Minghao, Jun, and Chan. You try to convince yourself you aren’t disappointed, but you’ve never been good at lying. Nonetheless, you manage to crack a genuine smile once smushed in the backseat between Jun and Chan, arms and legs all crammed together. As the music rumbles around you and out the cracked-open windows, you promise yourself that tonight, you’re going to have fun. 

By ten minutes to midnight, you’re on your third drink (some fruity, overly sweet concoction courtesy of a tipsy Hansol) and the party is in full swing. Soonyoung has taken charge of the music, all wall-shaking bass and beats that make your body want to move. You’re not much of a dancer, but you’ve got enough alcohol in you that you allow Junhui to pull you into the living room, mimicking his actions and frequently dissolving into fits of laughter when you realize how awkward and gangly your movements are in comparison to the lithe, graceful Chinese boy. Any stumbles simply make you laugh harder, quickly shifting from tipsy territory into drunkenness. The alcohol sloshes around in your half-emptied cup, and you feel suddenly very tired as the current song fades into the next. You make your way to one of the couches, dropping heavily down next to the party’s host and unceremoniously plop your head down on his shoulder. He reaches up to sloppily pat your hair, and you swat the offending strands away from your lips and the places where they stick to the sweat on your face. 

“Yah, Hoshi! Turn the music down, it’s almost midnight!” You cringe at the loudness of Seungcheol’s voice and lift your head from its perch on his shoulder. You run a hand through your hair, smoothing it down. 

“Five!” Joshua calls, emerging from the kitchen with a few of the other partygoers. The TV’s display is now taken up by a large slideshow of numbers. 

“Four!” you yell along with everyone else. Unthinking, your eyes search for the source of one familiar voice—

“Three!”

He’s standing on the opposite side of the room, flanked by Hansol and Seokmin, Soonyoung standing behind the trio with his hands on Hansol’s shoulders, squeezing at each tick of the second hand. Seungkwan’s gaze flits towards you, and for a moment his eyes catch yours and he turns his head. It’s almost purposeful, and you swear you see him turning his body in your direction until Soonyoung yells again, startling both of you. 

“Two!” 

A girl you don’t recognize under the current influence approaches Cheol, pulls him off the couch with a beaming, fond smile. You think you must have seen her before. Or maybe you just recognize that adoring look—

“One!”

It’s rude, you know you shouldn’t stare, but you don’t even realize your eyes are glued to them until the music kicks back up and Seungcheol is pulling away from this girl, only to cradle her in his arms. You press your fingertips to your lips, and suddenly you feel very far away. Just a year ago in this same space you’d stolen Seungkwan’s first kiss of the new year, and now you can’t even get him to properly look in your direction. 

You leave your cup on the coffee table and head for the bathroom, unable to walk straight and yet attempting to remain discreet. 

You don’t feel sick, but you still lower yourself to the ground near the toilet bowl. You close the lid and rest your arms atop it, dropping your face into the pit they create. The fluorescent light above your head buzzes, and the sickly sweet smell of alcohol comes wafting back up into your nose, tears stinging your eyes. 

You tell yourself it’s sweat beading down your cheeks, your chin, falling onto the toilet seat. You tell yourself so even as you watch the mascara-blackened pond grow ever wider within the white plastic valley between your arms. 

Three knocks interrupt the bass dropping out in the living room. 

“Y/N?” A soft voice calls. 

“Hannie?” you reply, voice cracking, breaths heavy. 

“Are you okay? Are you sick?”

“No,” you sniff. You aren’t sure which question you’re answering. There’s a pause, you hear his weight shift momentarily onto one of the creaky floorboards right near the door in the hallway. 

“I’m coming in.” He opens the door just enough for his slender body to slip through, gently lowering himself onto his knees beside you. He reaches over your hunched back to rip a few sheets of toilet paper off the roll, carefully dabbing under your eyes with a corner. You look up to the ceiling as he wipes at the mascara smudged below your lash line. When he throws the paper in the trash, you rock forward, pressing the crown of your head against his collarbone. 

“Tired?” You feel more than hear the words as they rumble up from his chest. You hum in the affirmative, and Jeonghan smooths a hand down along your spine. 

“Okay. Come on. I’ll drive you home.” You realize then that Jeonghan’s breath smells like juice. He helps you up from the floor, your knees aching from the cold tile. He wraps his hand around yours, guiding you as though you’re a child through the crowd, and you find your eyes searching, always searching. 

You catch a glimpse of Seungkwan mid-laugh, eyes shut and head tilted back. Your eyes remain glued to him, and even when he disappears from your field of view the image of him burns behind your eyelids.

“Jeonghan,” you start, watching his hands as he ties his shoes, unable to look away. 

“Hm?”

“Do you think he misses me?” Jeonghan stands up and sighs, running a hand through his hair. Your eyes follow his movement belatedly. He reaches out to smooth your hair down, looking at you with what you think is pity. It feels the same as the way your mother looked at you when you told her Seungkwan ended things. 

“I’m not the person to ask, Y/N. Now, come on.”

“Do you think he still loves me?” you ask as he pulls you out the door by your wrist. “Do you— do you think he ever loved me?” 

You don’t realize you’re crying until Jeonghan sighs your name and pulls the sleeves of his sweater down over his hand, dabbing gently at your cheeks.

“Let’s get you home, okay?” You nod wordlessly, a lump in your throat making it hard to even breathe, let alone tell Jeonghan that home feels far beyond your reach now, just the same as Seungkwan is. That home isn’t home without him, not when you can only fill the lingering dip on the other side of your bed with your spare pillow and dream you hear a heartbeat where you rest your head. 

With that, Jeonghan pulls you out the front door and into the night. If he notices the fresh tear tracks on your cheeks when he sees you to your door, he doesn’t comment on it beyond his lingering hug and the gentle motions of his hand patting down your hair. 

You wipe away your makeup and brush the taste of alcohol off of your teeth, but each time you close your eyes you still see Seungkwan laughing behind your eyes, too far for you to reach.

January 1

More than a physical hangover, you wake up feeling emotionally dehydrated. Beyond that, you just feel plain stupid — you agreed with Seungkwan when he suggested breaking up, so why are you taking this so hard? It’s not even like he was kissing someone else to ring in the new year, you were just getting jealous of the ghost of yourself, a you that you willingly killed off.

There are a few messages waiting for you when you finally manage to reach your phone. One is from Jeonghan urging you to drink plenty of water when you wake up with his usual teasing of your drunkenness, there are a few in the groupchat that are mostly people asking if other partygoers had seen this or that forgotten object, and then beneath all of those is a short thread from Seungkwan. It appears to have come through right after you left the party, and you wish you could say you hesitated before opening it.

< hey, did you leave already? 

< nvm jeonghan said you weren’t feeling well… feel better!

< happy new year, y/n. 

You read the messages over and over, searching for something between the lines. How is it that mere months apart have made Seungkwan into an enigma all over again? You kick your sheets off impatiently and practically jump out of bed, itching to move but with no clear plan in mind. 

Despite the frigid morning air, you find yourself wanting to go out. The streets are nearly deserted, most people sporting hangovers in the comfort of their beds, and you feel drawn to the streets below. 

Your fingers are typing before you really think about what you’re doing.

happy new year! sorry for the late reply. hope you had fun at the party!! >

With the text sent, you shove your phone into your coat pocket and propel yourself out the door, breathing the frosty air in deeply. It’s cold enough that it burns down your throat, but when you exhale you feel cleaner, somehow, than you did before.

One of the many things you missed while studying abroad was your favorite cafe. You’ve been frequenting it since you started attending university, as it’s just around the corner from your complex and on the way to your campus. You wouldn’t say it’s a hole in the wall or hidden gem, because plenty of students frequent it, but it’s generally very laid-back because of its popularity amongst students. The front is all glass, with bar-style seating set up against the windows so you can look out into the sidewalk and dark wood floors that make it feel small in a cozy way. You’ve always been a fan of window seats, so you can look up when an assignment gets to be too much and catch a glimpse of the street, or the sky, and feel a little less overwhelmed and boxed in by life.

You’d taken Seungkwan here on one of your first ‘dates’ — unofficial, back in the early days when you were more acquaintances via mutual friends than friends yourselves, just getting to know each other and toeing the lines of the other’s boundaries. Your relationship blossomed due to a shared class in your major; he needed your help to pass it and you had suggested this cafe as a workspace. You can still remember it, the early-fallen autumn leaves crunching beneath your feet as you walked with him from campus down an already familiar street. Seungkwan had followed you dutifully — he was still so bashful, then, funny but holding himself back from saying too much, looking down more often than he was looking into your eyes. 

You still order the same drink almost every time, something Seungkwan often teased you for once you started dating. The fact that there were all these options and you always chose the same thing, never straying — you simply told him that you knew what you liked, and your obvious flirtation always got a reaction out of him no matter how often you said it. 

The cafe is emptier than usual, so you get your choice of seat; you move immediately to the open barstools with your drink and a muffin for breakfast, settling yourself in to watch the city wake up. You pull your laptop out of your bag, hoping that the familiar space will get you back into the familiar rhythm of work.

Looking up from typing in your password, you let out a scoff. Maybe this place is too familiar, because you swear you see Seungkwan at the crosswalk on the corner, coming this way. How pathetic, really, that you can’t seem to get him out of your mind—

The door opens, a gust of winter wind entering the shop, and as it does you instinctively turn to see who’s entered, heart nearly stopping at the familiar face that greets you.

“Seungkwan,” you say, without really meaning to. You hardly realize you’ve said it aloud until his wide, curious eyes meet yours.

“Y/N!” He chirps, grinning broadly at you. Your heart skips the same beat it always used to, and you can’t help but smile back. The two of you simply continue to stare at each other, wondering what to do about your current situation, and it isn’t until someone slips out the door behind Seungkwan that he finally startles back into action.

“Oh, um — is anyone sitting there?” He asks, nodding towards the barstool beside you. You shake your head, moving your bag off the seat.

“No, feel free.”

“Great, just— I’ll order and be right back,” he says, and you think you must be imagining the slight waver in his voice before he turns towards the counter. You force yourself to turn back to your work as he orders, willing yourself to stop lingering the way you have been for the past twelve hours. After a few minutes, you get so absorbed in your to-do list that you almost forget you have company until you hear the legs of the stool beside you being pulled across the floor, and a glass coming into contact with the counter.

“You still order the same thing?” he asks, a teasing edge to his voice. You take a look at his drink and raise one eyebrow. 

“You’re one to talk,” you reply, “You order that like ninety percent of the time.”

“And the other ten percent of the time, I try new things,” he says, sitting up proudly. You roll your eyes and turn your attention back to your laptop.

“As if anything is new here. We’ve been coming here for, what, two years? You must’ve tried everything on the menu by now.” 

“They have seasonal drinks,” he says, a little less convincingly, bringing his drink up to his lips. You hum noncommittally, unable to keep the smug grin off your face knowing you’ve won this time. Early in the relationship, the two of you had kept score of who got the last word in all your silly non-arguments, usually to determine who was paying for the next date. After a while, the number got too high to keep track of, and you found a better system to pay with. You find that your fingers have come to a standstill hovering over your keyboard, and you reach for your drink in an attempt to return yourself to normalcy. Thankfully, if Seungkwan notices your weird behavior, he doesn’t comment on it.

“So, how was the party after I left? What did I miss?” you ask, keeping your eyes on your screen. You know that if you look too long at Seungkwan it will feel like looking at the sun, and you can’t afford to be blinded right as the semester is beginning. Seungkwan lets out a little groan at your question, leaning heavily onto his elbows.

“Well, other than Mingyu almost ruining the living room carpet because he can’t hold onto a bowl to save his life, nothing.” You can’t help but giggle.

“What was it this time?”

“Salsa,” Seungkwan says, giving you a particularly disbelieving look. For a moment you hold his gaze, trying to mimic it, but it isn’t long before you both burst into laughter. A familiar warmth spreads throughout your whole body, and you feel the tension you’ve been harboring since you boarded the plane back to Korea finally slip off your shoulders. 

“Seungcheol would’ve killed him,” you say, shaking your head as you try to imagine the chaos that would have ensued, but Seungkwan merely purses his lips and takes another sip of his drink before replying.

“No,” he says. “It would’ve been Joshua, Seungcheol was too busy with his new girlfriend.” 

“Oh,” you start, leaning in conspiratorially. “Are they official, now?” Seungkwan lets out another groan, rolling his eyes.

“They would be, if he would actually ask her! He keeps saying he’s too nervous, he’s not sure what she’s going to say, but they’re so obvious about everything.” 

“As expected from Cheol,” you muse, shrugging lightly and sipping on your drink. “Maybe I should have a talk with him.” 

“Maybe we—” By some miracle, you cut yourself off before making your offer. You turn your gaze from Seungkwan so he won’t read the thoughts behind your eyes, stirring the straw in your drink as calmly as you can. 

“Maybe that’ll help. Light a fire under his ass.”

“Yeah,” Seungkwan laughs, and you realize with the force of it that he’s already heard the words you didn’t speak, maybe he almost spoke them himself. “Maybe.”

How foolish it would’ve been, you think, how ironic if you’d suggested a double date for Seungcheol when there’s not even a date to invite him to double on. To imply that the two of you would be of any help getting Cheol into a relationship, like you aren’t the poster children for dating disasters right now. Suddenly, the silence of the city irks you, digs under your skin, and all you want is for the espresso machine behind the counter to whir back to life so you have something, anything to distract you. You’ve lost the rhythm with Seungkwan and you know, somehow, as you take a sip of your iced coffee and stare determinedly out the window, you won’t be able to find it again in this conversation. 

A phone buzzes against the countertop. You don’t even bother to turn yours over, as Seungkwan is already picking his up hurriedly. He glanced up at you nervously, free hand already reaching back for his coat where it hangs off the chair. 

“I forgot Hansol wanted to go shopping today,” he explains. You smile coolly, 

“Ah, I see. Don’t let him spend too much.” Seungkwan laughs weakly, watered down as he yanks his coat on in a rush. You remember when every movement was stalled, simply to linger together — 'accidentally' tying a shoelace wrong and undoing the whole thing to tie it all over again, just to hear the other’s teasing remarks for a few more moments before you really have to go — and although the atmosphere was less than comfortable you still feel his absence acutely as he finishes buttoning up his coat. He takes his cup into one hand and pushes the barstool back into place. 

“See you later, Y/N.”

“See you.”

After a few moments, Seungkwan is merely a silhouette in a crowd of others just like him, and you can almost convince yourself you imagined the whole meeting in your head. You glance at your untouched muffin and, after a long moment of losing yourself in your own silence, rip off a large chunk. 

You hadn’t realized how hungry you were until the sweetness coats your mouth. Your heart aches, hungering for something else which you refuse to name, and you distract yourself with work. 

January 4

Ever since the party, Jeonghan has been checking up on you. Not that he hadn’t before, because he’s always been the mothering type, but his efforts had doubled since you’d had your breakdown. 

The two of you are both particularly avid coffee drinkers, so any time a new cafe is opening you’re often the first in your circle of friends to check it out — the unofficial reviewers. Just such a cafe happened to be opening on the weekend before your classes start up again, and it’s a no-brainer that you’re going.

Saturday rolls around and you make your way to the apartment Jeonghan shares with Seungcheol and Joshua. The way is familiar; before studying abroad you could be found at their apartment almost every weekend, curled up on the couch beside Seungkwan as you all watched some stupid movie. 

Now it’s morning, edging onto the afternoon as you make your way up the stairs of their building. When you knock on the door it’s Seungcheol that greets you, hair still damp from his shower and eyes droopy with sleep. 

“Good morning, Cheol,” you say, ruffling up his hair teasingly. He chuckles and steps aside, shaking his hair out as he lets you into the apartment.

“Jeonghan is still in the shower. Have you had breakfast?”

“Yeah,” you laugh. “I’ve been up for hours, unlike all of you.” You shrug your coat off, hanging it by the door as you toe off your shoes. Seungcheol drops himself heavily onto the couch and you follow him, though you sit down less sprawlingly. No sooner do you take a seat than his phone buzzes, and you see his face light up when he reads the notification.

“Is that her?” you ask, shuffling across the couch cushions. “The girl from the party?” Seungcheol’s cheeks redden at such a fast pace that you know you’re right, and you can’t help but laugh. You nudge him with your elbow and then commence poking at his ribs playfully when he lifts his arm in an attempt to push you away.

“Stop,” he whines, trying to push your hands away, but the two of you dissolve into laughter soon enough, flopping back against the cushions. Seungcheol stares wistfully up at the ceiling, letting out a sigh.

“I really like her,” he says, softly. 

“So I’ve heard,” you say. “I hear she likes you, too. Why haven’t you asked her out yet, huh?” Seungcheol presses his lips into a thin line and shrugs. You remember that feeling, the constant uncertainty regardless of how much you flirt or how many dates you’ve been on, unofficial or otherwise; the constant nagging feeling and question: do they actually like me? Or is it all in my head?

You pat his shoulder, getting his attention.

“Hey,” you start softly. “Listen, Cheol, you have to take a chance. You’ll regret it if you don’t ask her out. Don’t hold yourself back from happiness, okay? When you overthink things too much, you can end up getting yourself hurt, so just do everyone a favor and stop overthinking this.”

When you finish speaking, you have to clench your jaw tight to keep from getting overly emotional. It’s too much, even though it should have nothing to do with you or Seungkwan, and yet all you can think of is that if the two of you hadn’t thought so far ahead maybe you could still be together. All being cautious had gotten you was heartbreak and an awkward atmosphere you couldn’t shake, never-ending frustration with yourself and everyone around you for no longer knowing how to act or react. 

Before Seungcheol can say anything, or you can start crying, Jeonghan walks into the living area.

“Y/N-ah, you’re early,” he says, walking up behind you and Cheol. He places a hand atop each of your heads and proceeds to ruffle your hair.

“Yah, what is it with you two,” Seungcheol whines, leaning away and swatting Jeonghan’s hand. It only makes him laugh and come around the couch, grabbing at your wrist to pull you off the cushions.

“Come on, let’s go.” You manage to smile at him, though you aren’t sure how. The two of you are barely at the front door before Seungcheol is back on his phone, smiling away.

The two of you are seated at the cafe when you receive the text from Seungcheol that he has a date with the girl on Sunday, and although you manage to smile at the news your coffee and pastries taste far more bitter after that.

January 16

Objectively, of course you should have expected to be invited to Seungkwan’s birthday celebration. After all, your friends are still his friends, so it only makes sense — and yet once you’re actually sitting around the table with everyone in the bar it feels… weird.

Everything looks so similar to last year, except that you’re sitting far away from Seungkwan with Jeonghan by your side. Your ex-boyfriend is lively as ever, having consumed just enough alcohol to make him loud and red in the face, though you know that once this high wears off he’ll go on one of his late night walks to steep in his emotions. In this large a group you had hoped you would feel more comfortable, and yet all you can seem to notice is all the half-pitying looks all your friends keep shooting your way. They look at Seungkwan and then at you and their smiles falter.

You’re the one who leaves first. It’s a Thursday night and you have a morning class; and more than that you just feel awkward. You go to stand outside, even in the bitter cold, because it feels better to actually be alone than to feel isolated at a table full of people. There’s a bench just a ways down, so you take a seat and breathe into your hands to warm them. Still, you don’t want to go home just yet. 

“Y/N.” 

Seungkwan sits down beside you, though his approach is too fast and he ends up sliding along the bench until he knocks pretty forcefully into your side.

“Slow down there,” you laugh, helping him to sit up straight. As you move to take your hands off him, he suddenly takes hold of your fingers, squishing them between his warm palms. He leans in close to you, so close you can smell the alcohol on his breath.

“You’re coming to my recital, right? Next week?” You blink at him, feeling intoxicated off his presence alone. Your head seems to be spinning, and you find yourself unable to get a grip on anything. It takes you a moment to respond, but Seungkwan doesn’t seem to notice, still grinning at you with his flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. 

“You want me there?” 

He seems to sober up in an instant at that, brows furrowed at your question.

“Of course. I always want you there.” The words make your heart flutter. You only wish he wasn’t drunk. You muster up a smile, though it feels stiff, and nod.

“Then, I’ll be there.” 

Seungkwan doesn’t let go of your hands, not even when all your friends come pouring out of the bar onto the sidewalk, yelling and calling for the two of you. It isn’t until Seokmin and Soonyoung actually come to scoop him off the bench and into a taxi back to their shared apartment that he lets go. He waves at you, beaming as they pile into the back of a cab, and you wave half-heartedly back.

You stay sitting on the bench until you can barely feel your legs, and then you call a cab. In the morning, you almost think the conversation was all a dream — but your calendar now has ‘Seungkwan’s recital’ listed as an event next Friday. You bury your face in your pillow and try not to cry.

January 20

The weekend passes with almost nothing notable happening. Busywork occupies most of your time, falling back into the routine of classes and the structure of having a class schedule. It takes your mind off of the events from Seungkwan’s birthday, but at night, left to your own devices, you find you have trouble sleeping.

Monday rolls around, and you drag yourself out of bed to your first class of the day at nine in the morning. You spend the time between that and lunch in the library, forcing yourself to focus and get work done — you know if you go back to your apartment you won’t be productive in the slightest, so you stick around campus. 

It’s a little past eleven when you decide to go get lunch. You tend to dislike waiting in lines, so you’ve made it a habit over the years to eat a bit earlier whenever possible; luckily for you, your next class is at half-past eleven, so your schedule is pretty accommodating. Since getting back from your semester abroad, you haven’t actively eaten lunch with anyone. After all, the semester has barely started, and some of your friends are still sorting out their schedules.

Also, they all still look at you in pity, or like they’re worried you’re going to do something reckless. You wish they would just ask you about your time abroad, even if it means answering the same stock questions over and over again. Anything is better than being reminded of the loss you still feel so acutely yourself.

You’re searching the cafeteria for a seat, preferably one where you can listen to music and eat in solitude, when two pairs of excitedly waving hands catch your attention. When you look down the arms extended in the air, you find the familiar faces of Seungkwan’s roommates, Seokmin and Soonyoung. Both of them are beaming at you and wave you over to their table. For a moment you hesitate, but you can’t think of a reason not to join them, so you take the empty seat beside Soonyoung and across from Seungkwan. 

The two greet you loudly, as per usual. Seungkwan murmurs a greeting when he swallows his food, then stuffs his mouth full again before you can even respond. As you begin eating your own food, you can't help but wonder what Seungkwan is thinking. It's obvious to you he's nervous, but about what you aren't sure. You have a sinking feeling it's you. Maybe him asking you to come to his recital was just drunken antics after all, since he doesn't seem to want you at his lunch table. 

His own nervousness only makes you more nervous than you had been. It makes you feel like an intruder. While Soonyoung and Seokmin chatter away in their usual excited way, speaking almost nonstop, seemingly oblivious to the wall of silence beside them. One chews while the other replies and so it goes on — Seungkwan pushes his food around a bit awkwardly and you stuff your mouth hurriedly. You can't think of a single thing to contribute to the conversation, only what excuse you're going to use to get out of the situation. Your next class isn't for another fifteen minutes at least, but you're finding you'd rather spend that time in some hallway than at this table where you aren't wanted. 

Between bites you cast glances at Seungkwan, uncertain as to whether you want him to meet your gaze or not. You miss having him look at you, but even if he looks to you now you know it won't be the same. Somehow you're always feeling as awkward as you did at the airport that day. Since the moment you stepped back onto Korean soil, you feel as though you’ve been tripping over every obstacle life has given you in a struggle to catch up with everyone and everything you left behind for that semester. Especially Seungkwan.

It feels like you’ve been doing and saying the wrong things to him ever since you broke up, and distance made your heart grow fonder but it also made you two just different enough to not be able to talk normally now. You wonder, when you look at him, what’s causing the bags under his eyes to darken; what his day-to-day looks like now that you aren’t actively in it… 

As you stuff the last bite of food in your mouth, your phone buzzes. You tear your eyes away from Seungkwan, turning it over to find a message of no significance — just a banner notification for an app. Nonetheless you find yourself pushing out your chair.

“Sorry guys, I have to get going now. Thanks for letting me sit with you.” Soonyoung and Seokmin seem startled to find you still there, having been so caught up in their own discussion. Seungkwan’s gaze flicks up to you, a slight frown curling the corners of his mouth.

“Sure thing, Y/N,” Soonyoung says, nodding his head. 

“We’ll see you Friday?” Seokmin asks hopefully as you lift your tray off the table. You pause, glancing towards Seungkwan only for him to avert his gaze back to his food. Nervously, you chew on your bottom lip for a moment as you nod, thinking of the calendar event on your phone. 

“Yeah,” you reply, softly. “See you Friday.” Unable to bear the awkwardness for a second longer, you turn on your heel and speed walk out of the cafeteria, not slowing down until you reach the building where your next class is. 

For possibly the first and only time in your life, you almost wish Friday wouldn’t come at all.

January 24

For the rest of the week leading up to Seungkwan’s recital, you go back and forth on whether you’re actually going to attend. A part of you thinks that with alcohol came honesty, and he really wants you there — but there’s always that nagging feeling. 

And then Seungcheol turns your own words on you the day of, when you’re at his apartment and talking to Jeonghan while he chooses an outfit about how you aren’t sure you should go. You want to, because you always want to hear Seungkwan sing, but you aren’t sure if it would be right. If you would be welcomed.

Seungcheol walks in, needing help buttoning the cuff of his shirt, and as you do so he looks down at you with a thoughtful frown on his face.

“Hey, Y/N,” he says, and you look up. “Remember that thing you said about overthinking leading to pain?” 

“Yeah.” Seungcheol raises his eyebrows, looking at you pointedly, and you drop your hands into your lap once you’ve finished with the buttons. You avert your gaze, plucking at the fabric of your tights. “Point taken.”

“You should really talk to him about this, Y/N-ah,” Jeonghan says, meeting your gaze through the mirror. You press your lips together, biting at them nervously. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, looking back at his own reflection.

“Listen, you know I love you,” he continues. “But you can’t go on like this. And, frankly, I don’t know how to help you anymore.”

“I know…”

“He’ll hear you out,” Joshua suddenly chimes in, coming to lean on the doorframe. You frown and shift awkwardly where you’re perched on the edge of Jeonghan’s bed. 

“I know,” you repeat, voice smaller. You can feel your throat closing up, chest tightening and eyes pricking with tears.

“Don’t cry,” Seungcheol says, and suddenly all three men are enveloping you in a hug, making it hard for you to even breathe.

“I love you guys,” you sniffle, “But I’m going to get makeup all over your shirts.” They back off at that.

“So, you’re coming with us?” Joshua asks, as Jeonghan reaches out to fix your hair. You nod.

“You’re right. I told him I’d go, and we do need to talk, so… yeah.” 

You steal the passenger’s seat from Seungcheol so that you get to control the radio, and also because Jeonghan is your designated emotional security friend and even the backseat feels far enough to make you anxious. You’re pretty sure if you weren’t sitting beside him you’d ditch out the car and run back home, because Joshua wouldn’t be quick enough to stop you. For the whole ride you fiddle with the radio, switching the station almost ceaselessly even though the drive is less than twenty minutes. Nothing sounds good to you, everything little more than a constant buzz in your ears as your thoughts continue to run rampant. 

“Y/N,” someone says. It sounds very far away. “Y/N.” The added forcefulness behind the voice finally gets you to snap out of it. The three men are standing outside the car, Seungcheol holding your door open and leaning towards you. All their brows are creased in worry, and you offer a smile which you hope is reassuring but feels shaky even to you.

“Ah,” you say, unbuckling yourself. “Thanks, Cheol.” Once you’re out of the car, however, you all simply stand together, awkwardly clumped by the front of the car. Seungcheol closes the door behind you, and while you look at the auditorium ahead your companions all look at you, still concerned. You take a deep breath in through your nose and blow it out slowly through your mouth. Lifting your chin, you nod.

“Let’s go.”

Your other friends have saved the rest of the front left row for all of you, and so you slip into the seat nearest the aisle you can get in case you have a spontaneous breakdown. The program lists Seungkwan’s solo as the second to last performance out of the dozen in the evening, with the final being a full choir piece. The only person closer to the aisle is Soonyoung, who flashes you a smile when you sit down. 

“Y/N-ah!” He chirps, though attempting to keep his voice low in such a setting. “How have you been? We’ve barely talked you since you got back.” Hoshi’s grin slips into an exaggerated pout, and you let out an apologetic sigh.

“Sorry, Hoshi-ah,” you say, patting his arm. “I’ve… I’ve been better, and I’ve been worse, you know?” Soonyoung peers down at you sympathetically, placing his free hand atop yours and squeezing it in reassurance. You can tell from his gaze that he knows the true reason behind your inability to settle recently, why you’ve been out of the picture for your long-time group of friends. 

“I know,” he replies, voice dropping low. His gaze also falls, and you bite the inside of your cheek. Of course he would know, given his proximity to the situation. You can’t help but wonder just what he’s been seeing, what’s been occurring, on the other side of the situation. You nearly open your mouth to ask just that, heart pounding against your ribs, but the dimming of the lights keeps you silent.

Your hand remains on Soonyoung’s arm until the end of the first song, when you finally relax enough to not need emotional support in the form of physical contact. Seungkwan appears in multiple performances, and you feel refreshed hearing his voice. It feels as though it’s been years since you heard him sing, and you only realize now how much you had taken it for granted in the past. 

Seungkwan’s solo arrives quicker than you had thought, and it leaves you breathless. Even before your semester abroad he had been preparing endlessly, always worrying over every last detail of his performance. You’d bought him a throat soothing tea for his birthday, along with some organic cough drops. His practices had always sounded wonderful to you, but hearing it now, on-stage and polished, it’s possibly the best thing you’ve ever heard. It moves you to tears, though you hold yourself back from crying fully, not wanting to be disruptive to anyone else in the audience. 

By the end of the concert you’ve eased yourself off the brink of tears, though only to find yourself overcome by another emotion entirely: anxiety. Your heartbeat is loud enough to nearly block out the raucous applause as you stand. Soonyoung pats you on the back before resuming his own round of applause. 

All you can think of now that the recital is over is that you should have rehearsed something to say to Seungkwan. Seeing him on stage, practically shining in his brilliance, makes you all the more aware of what a wreck you seem to be. Your hands won’t stop shaking, your breathing shallow. As your friends swarm the edge of the stage, beckoning Seungkwan down into their arms, you find yourself falling back to the edges of the group, wringing your hands. The others are rowdy enough to make up for your absence while you try to arrange your thoughts. 

Caught up in your thoughts, however, you don’t notice Seungkwan’s eyes on you. You don’t notice him approaching, your friends parting ways for him to get to you. Your eyes remain cast down as you turn slightly away, still lacing your fingers together nervously.

“Y/N.” His voice is soft, yet it cuts through the din without obstruction straight to you, piercing your heart like an arrow. As you turn to him it feels as though you’re the only two in the room, Seungkwan’s shining face your only company, the sole captor of your attention.

“Seungkwan,” you say. “I—I’m sorry, I didn’t bring you any flowers. Slipped my mind.” You lick your lips nervously, casting your gaze downwards. Meeting Seungkwan’s eyes feels like a Herculean effort — at least, meeting them without crying. 

“You were amazing,” you continue, more softly. “Not that anyone was doubting, of course.” At that you finally manage to smile at him, though it’s uncertain. You can’t contain your pride, even if your relationship isn’t the same as it once was; watching him grow in his talent and confidence has been one of the greatest gifts in your life, you’re certain.

“Thank you. That means a lot.” Seungkwan shifts his weight from one foot to another, “Can we talk?”

“S-sure.”

“Outside?” You can only manage to nod, feeling unable to speak. You follow him down the aisle and out the doors, coming to stand near him by the corner of the building. The sun has set, leaving only the yellowy glow of the streetlights to illuminate Seungkwan’s features, turning his eyes to a warmer, molten brown. For a long moment he just stares at you, seemingly soaking in your presence, and you find your cheeks warming beneath his gaze. When you look away, he finally clears his throat and begins speaking.

“Thank you for coming,” he says. “Again. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.” Your heart skips a beat when you realize that he does remember inviting you here. That he did it on purpose, not just on drunken impulse. The thought alone is enough to make your heart feel unbelievably warm. 

“Of course,” you reply, unable to keep from smiling. “I’m really proud of you, you know?” At your statement Seungkwan, too, starts smiling. It’s a sight you hadn’t realized you missed so acutely, the way his eyes light up as he’s looking at you. Although the atmosphere is still awkward, it feels far more natural than your previous encounters since you’ve been back.

“Right,” Seungkwan seems to snap himself out of it, shaking his head slightly. He rocks back on his heels a bit, a nervous habit. “I, um, I wanted to tell you something. Just… I’m not sure what to say.”

“The Boo Seungkwan, at a loss for words? I’m shocked.” Your lighthearted comment is delivered without your usual confidence; you feel a bit lightheaded to be honest, overwhelmed by anticipation and your own desire to say something.

“Yeah,” he laughs. “It’s going to sound really selfish of me—” Your heart drops, and you think it’s a miracle your knees don’t give out. Somehow, it feels like he’s about to break things off for a second time, except what is there to break off? Your barely-there friendship? You’re so caught up in your own thoughts you nearly miss the rest of his statement.

“—I want us to get back together.”

Only silence follows. Seungkwan is staring at you and you feel as though you’re staring through him. You can’t even be certain you’re breathing for a moment, and you wonder if you heard him right.

“What?” It’s a miracle he even hears you, given how quietly you speak. Hesitant, but obviously a bit concerned by your dazed appearance, he closes the gap between you with a step, taking your hands in his. It feels so natural, and yet both of you are staring at your hands as though they’re foreign objects. 

“Having you here made me realize that I don’t want to share these momentswith anyone else,” he says, slowly, carefully. “The whole crowd is meaningless if you aren’t in it… I want to make you proud. I want to share my accomplishments with you…” You lift your gaze at the tell-tale waver of his voice, squinting in the dim light.

“Are you crying?”

“No,” he warbles, and you slip your hands from his with a sympathetic chuckle, cupping his face in your hands. You brush away the tears with your thumbs, smiling wistfully at him. 

“Are you sure about this?” you ask, still holding his face in your hands. You’re reluctant to let go, in case this is the last time you get to hold him like this. He nods, swallowing hard.

“I know it was my idea to break up,” he replies. “But I regret it. I’ve been regretting it. I thought maybe you did, too, but I didn’t want you to feel pressured…”

“You’ve never made me feel that way,” you murmur. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Seungkwan. If you want me by your side, I’ll always be there.” 

You hardly have time to react when Seungkwan is suddenly kissing you, his hands reaching around your waist to pull you closer to him. You melt into his welcome embrace, quickly falling back into the familiarity of Seungkwan, winding your arms around his neck. It feels more like coming home than any plane ride ever could have — like you could have been anywhere at all and just being in Seungkwan’s arms would make it comfortable, familiar for you. He pulls away only to press his forehead against yours, cheeks burning bright red and lips curved into a broad smile. 

“Finally.” Both you and Seungkwan startle, pulling away just enough to look towards the auditorium. All twelve of your friends are clustered around the base of the stairs; it appears to have been Minghao who had spoken. Before either of you can reply, he turns his sharp gaze to Soonyoung, a smirk playing at his lips.

“Looks like you’re paying for dinner tonight.” At his words, Soonyoung looks exaggeratedly dismayed, whining to him in annoyance. Everyone else, however, comes to crowd around the two of you. Jeonghan drapes an arm around each of you, grinning cheekily.

“No more hasty breakups then, right kids?” 

“Yah, why are you bringing that up now?” Seungkwan complains, shrugging Jeonghan off both of you. He takes your hand as he continues to bicker with Jeonghan, who smiles serenely all the while as your massive group begins walking to the nearest barbecue restaurant. As you glance down at your hand in Seungkwan’s where they gently swing as you walk, listening to the familiar banter of your boyfriend and best friend against the background of all your other friends around you on the sidewalk, you can’t keep the smile off your face.

After weeks, you finally feel like you’ve come home. 

[sluttyminghao]

which svt members ring ur gaydar

the way this made me laugh please-

speaking as someone who is part of the lgbtq+ community, I honestly only get vibes from a few of them! that doesn't mean they are though, since we don't know what their preferences actually are!

soonyoung is the first one who comes to mind: who wouldn't think so after he released spider like the way he was dancing with the backup dancers? screams fruity to me and he seems comfortable around both genders tbh

seokmin is another that kinda stands out to me? like I don't know how to quite explain it properly but he just seems like he would be in the community and loves everyone just equally

apart from that though? i cant really see anyone being apart of the community, but I feel like they'd be allies!!!