#fuck big corps n banks man >:[

[queercatboyrights]

fucking HATE banks. and credit/money services. the damn BASTARDS why in the FUCK should you EVER be able to tell people how they can and can't spend THEIR fucking money?? that THEY worked for??? to earn??????

[buckyscrystalqueen]

A Christmas Gift: Part 1

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 5,050

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What about him?” Steve asked as he and his friends stood outside an empty U-Haul in New Jersey, waiting to find the perfect person for their next YouTube video. Tony shook his head as he scanned the lot full of early Christmas shoppers, locating a woman a few spots down and a row over that was looking between three or four different pieces of paper and a cell phone that had a kids pink unicorn sticker upside down and sideways on the back in a rust covered car.

“Them?” Sam asked as he gestured to a couple coming down the row they were in, but Tony shook his head as he glanced at an older model car seat in the back.

“Her.” He said simply as he gestured to you as you wiped tears off your face and ran your fingers through your hair to hold your slowly shaking head. “I know that look. I know that desperation… She’s the one.”

“I’ll go talk to her.” Bucky said as he put out his cigarette and took one of Tony’s YouTube channel cards from his ‘boss’.

“I’m coming, too.” Tony said as he pushed off the side of the truck and headed over with Bucky, who was usually responsible for the main camera work since he wasn’t a fan of being in front of it. You startled and looked over at the two men when they knocked before cranking down your window with a shake of your head. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not leaving yet…”

“No, we’re looking to help you.” Bucky said gently as he leaned on the hood of your car to see you while Tony crouched down beside the window.

“Who you shopping for, sweetheart?” He asked softly.

“My daughter.” You sighed as you shook your head and glanced at her wish list. “Lord, my little girl, and her big hopes and dreams.” You looked back over at him and shook your head as you showed them the list. “She’s trying to bankrupt me asking for a pony, and an iPad, and cell phone, and some fancy expensive doll… And she’s only four, so I’m in for a world of hurt from here.”

“Just her?” Tony clarified, which made you startle the slightest bit.

“Just… her. I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?”

“Tony.” He laughed as he took the business card from Bucky and handed it to you. “Tony Stark. I’m a YouTuber. My camera guy, Bucky.”

“OK…”

“We’re shooting a video today, and we want to make someone’s Christmas a little more special, and you are that person.”

“Wait… what?!”

“But here’s the problem. Target never lets us film in their store long without kicking us out, and… well I rented this U Haul and while we could shop in Wal Mart, I don’t think it’s gunna fill that truck, and that’s what I need to do. So I think we’re gunna have to take it into the city.”

“Oh, no.” You said with a shake of your head. “No, I can’t let you do that. I can get a few things…”

“And I feel the need to be Santa Claus today.” He interrupted. “Please? I can’t promise a pony, but I can promise to make this Christmas a special one for your daughter. So, as long as you don’t mind, Bucky’s going to ride with you so your parking in the city, and your gas there and back is paid for, and he can get some back ground information so we know where we’re going once we’re there.”

“And so we know you actually go to the city so we’re not just standing around waiting.” Bucky laughed. You sighed and shook your head as you set the list down on your lap.

“You really don’t have to do this.”

“We know.” You looked between the two of them and over at the U Haul with a shake of your head.

“I’m not gunna end up a statistic on the five o’clock news, right?”

“No, we promise.” Bucky said. “I keep telling him we need to approach these videos a little different, but no one listens to the camera man.” You smiled and nodded your head as you started to clear off your passenger seat.

“OK, fine. But I will put up a fight. And I have to make a stop first if I’m leaving Jersey. I have to pick up a few things for my side job and that store will close before we get back.”

“Alright, we’ll follow you.” Tony said as he stood up and gestured for his friend to get in. “Don’t go kidnapping my camera man, you hear?”

“Pretty sure I should be the one concerned with that.” You laughed as you moved your purse and papers off the seat beside you, and put your seatbelt on. “Just know, I have pepper spray.”

“Oh, I would so prefer if you keep that exactly where it is, and not spray it anywhere near me.“ Bucky requested as he got into your little five speed rust bucket and moved the seat back so his long legs would fit. “I’ve been sprayed with pepper spray by my ex, who is the solid definition of crazy, and it’s not pleasant. Wait for this SUV.” You nodded and slowed down on the other side of the white vehicle, while Bucky pulled an old, bent notebook out of his pocket. “OK first, your name?”

“(Y/N).” He nodded and wrote out your name, repeating it back to you in one long, monotone note that made you smile. 

“OK, and baby girl’s name and age.”

“Anna Lee. And she is four going on sixteen.”

“Anna Lee.” He said with a nod and a glance over at you. “I like that. Is it a family name?”

“No, it’s from a song, actually. Ever heard of The Band?”

“Which band?”

“No, the band is called, The Band. Here, listen.” He nodded and look ever at you as you grabbed a mix CD from the visor and put it in the player. You skipped to the track you were looking for as you pulled into the next shopping mall parking lot. “Please don’t steal my car, I’ll be right back.”

“Nope, I wanna see, too.” He said as he unbuckled and glanced over at the SUV that pulled in beside you. “What is this place?”

“It’s a crystal store.” You said as you grabbed your purse and a reusable shopping bag. “I make jewelry when Anna Lee goes to bed. Mala beads, necklaces, bracelets, rings, and earrings. I make candles, too. And usually I sell them here.”

“Namaste!” Your best friend, Wanda called out before glancing over her shoulder to see who it was. “Oooo girl! Who is this… why do you have a camera crew?”

“Wrong place, wrong time, apparently.” You sighed as you kissed Wanda’s cheek. “I’ll explain later. I need two things. One, I need to pick up my stuff, and two, I need you to relieve the baby sitter when you close because I’ll apparently be in the city until God only knows.”

“Wait, what is going on?” She asked as two of Tony’s guys flirted with Natasha, the woman that worked at the register.

“Some YouTube thing.” You said with a swipe of your hand. “Can you pick up Annie?”

“I can pick up Annie.” She said with a nod as she gestured for you to follow her to the back room. “Just don’t be gone all night, galavanting in the city. And you better check in every half hour so I don’t have to obsess over thoughts that you are dead on the side of the road or sold into sex slavery or something.”

“I highly doubt that these guys are going to sell me into sex slavery.” You huffed as you peeked into the large box with your name on it. “Please tell me you found the rhodochrosite beads.”

“Girl, who do you think I am?!” She laughed as she pulled open the top. “The list of holiday requests…”

“Oh, damn it.” You sighed as you glanced at the list of products she had sold in her store that she needed wire wrapped. “I’m never going to sleep again.”

“I’m sorry, hunny. I can still come over and help…”

“No, it’s fine.” You sighed as you put the beads in your hand back in the box and the list on top of it. “I’ll do it. I’ve done it every other year, I’ll do it again this year.”

“That’a girl.” She cheered as you picked up the box with a grunt.

“I’ll see you tonight. Bring the invoice and… fuck it, take her to McDonalds. Just leave the receipt on the table and I’ll pay you tonight, love.” She nodded and agreed as she held open the back door to help you. You said good bye to her and Natasha and smiled at one of Tony’s guys who was holding open the main door for you. Bucky grabbed the trunk for you and took the box from your hands, distracting you from the large bag one of the guys was carrying out of the store. You headed back around to the drivers side with a heavy sigh and sat back in your chair.

“OK, so let’s get back to Anna Lee. Just follow the SUV.” Bucky said as he got back in your car and pulled out his notebook again.

“OK, do you know how much I hate all of this?” You asked as you looked through your papers to pull Annie’s list out of your bank statements.

“OK, I’m guessing this is pony.”

“The first one? Yea, that’s pony.” You laughed as you glanced over at the list. “Then iPad and iPhone are next, then coloring books, and new crayons. Then what’s the next one?”

“Name? Nama? Maybe…”

“Nanea.” You laughed. “She’s the cute, Hawaiian, 1940’s, Junior Citizens Service Corps American Girl doll out of the catalog that my lovely mother signed me up for that I can’t seem to unsubscribe from since Annie has fallin’ in love with these hundred dollar dolls… I was going to try to pass the Target version off but I know that wouldn’t work.”

“So iPad and American girl.” Bucky said as he texted Steve the first two things. “What’s this last thing?”

“A man friend for mommy.” You sighed as you reached out and took the list from him. “Was on the list last year, and it’s what she’s wished for the last two birthdays. My little girl.” You sighed as you looked at the list at a red light. “I don’t deserve her.”

“She sounds like an angel.”

“She is.” You said as you carefully folded the list back up to put in her baby book with the year before’s. “Sweetest, most patient kid ever. She comes to work so I can keep my costs down, and she just sits with her toy of the day or a coloring book on the bus and plays quietly, or sits in the doorway of the room I’m cleaning and watches her show or a movie on my phone, or reads her books. For a four year old, she is an absolute gift from God.”

“What else does she like?”

“She loves to read, and practice her counting, numbers, and letters, and she’s pretty advanced for her age, which is nice. She loves Disney, and her massive collection of stuffed animals. She likes playing with the Legos my mom gave her from when I was a child, which is about as motherly as my mother can be toward her only grandchild because God forbid her daughter have a daughter out of wedlock… Do you smoke?” You looked over at him as he continued to write, but he nodded his head and leaned back to grab his cigarettes.

“Bad habit.” He said as he held out his back to you before you could open the one you secretly kept in your door.

“You’re telling me.” You agreed as you took his lighter from him and lit your cigarette. “I don’t smoke much other than one with my coffee, one after I drop my school bus off in the morning and in the afternoon, and one after I tuck Annie in. And every once in a blue moon when I’m running errands without her, I have one.”

“Yea, I wish I could live off five a day.” Bucky said as you both cranked open your windows a crack. “My friends are all idiots that stress me out and I don’t need that kinda stress in my life. Already got enough. So I smoke.”

“What’s your stress from? Bad girlfriend?”

“No girlfriend, but we’re not here to talk about me, we’re here to talk about you.” You huffed and stuck your tongue out at him. “What else does she like?” You sighed and shrugged.

“She colors a lot. Not a fan of being outside but that’s probably because I live in a bad neighborhood. She plays games on my phone. She likes Mommy’s crystals. I don’t know, she’s just a regular kid.”

“And what about you?” Bucky asked as he pulled out his phone and took pictures of his notes to pass along to Steve. 

“What about me?”

“What do you like to do?” You scoffed around your smoke and shook your head at him.

“I lost the ability to do anything for myself when I got pregnant.” You told him with a glance over at him. “Every dime I have goes to that little girl. She gets all the new clothes, all the new  toys, all the new games. She wants Frozen shaped Mac’n’Cheese or name brand Gushers, she’s gunna get it, and I’m going to survive with holes in my bra straps another day because they still work to pay for her to have her snack. I work three jobs for her, from way before sun up to way after sun down and live in the smallest apartment known to man kind because the rent was cheap. She is my world. 

So my interest right now include mermaids, and fairies, and unicorns. And my days off are spent in a kiddy pool on my pathetic excuse for a patio playing mermaids, or playing tea party and dress up, or watching Doc McStuffins for the hundredth time because Annie wants to be a doctor right now. Either that or a mermaid or a crystal witch hippie like me. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because she is my little girl.” Bucky studied the side of your face as you took the last drag of your cigarette and tossed the butt out the window. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“What about her father? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Prison. Found out I was pregnant, and he went into a bank, pretended to rob it, and shot a man that worked there just so he didn’t have to pay child support. Jokes on him.” You said with a smirk as you looked over at him. “He still has to pay in federal lock up. Unless he pulls whatever kind of stunt he’s pulling now so that he’s in solitary and not working to make sure his support doesn’t go through to try and ruin Christmas and her birthday like he has since she was born. Asshole.”

“God, you just have your work cut out for you, don’t you?” You nodded your head and glanced down as your mix CD started over, reminding you about your daughter. 

“This is how I came up with Anna Lee.” You said as you found the track again and turned it up so he wouldn’t ask anymore questions about you on the drive. As he listened, Bucky pulled out his phone to text Tony directly to let him know that he had picked the right person for his Christmas video give away. He relayed everything you had told him, picking out even more details about your daughter than you had given originally, and about your lifestyle. Because the video wasn’t just about making Christmas for a kid, it was about making Christmas special for an entire family. 

“I’m from Nazareth.” You said at the end of the song as you slowed to pay the toll. You glanced over at him as Bucky handed you a twenty, and continued. “Pennsylvania. My parents still live there. I get my love of 60’s music from my dad. The Band was one of his favorites. I knew when I was a child that if I had a little girl, she’d be named Anna Lee because of that line of someone staying to keep Anna Lee company. Just didn’t know as a kid what that meant, but I still fell in love with the name all the same.”

“It’s a beautiful name.” Bucky said as he took his change back from you. “Not one you hear every day.”

“I like that about it, too.”

“Just stay behind the SUV. You don’t have to wait for the U Haul.” You nodded and changed gears to speed up to keep up with the other driver. Driving through the busy streets always made you a little nervous, and the Christmas crowd made that even worse, but thankfully, you didn’t have far to go before you were parking in an above ground lot behind the SUV and next to an empty double spot the U Haul was able to fit in.

“We’ve had these spots reserved for a week.” Your passenger said to you before you even asked the question. “So, we need you to have Anna Lee’s list in hand.” You nodded your head and pulled out the list that would go in a baby box in your closet for her after today. You got out after him and locked the doors, while the little group collected behind the U Haul to introduce themselves and go over the game plan they had been making.

“So this is how it’s going to play out.” Tony said as he showed you a walking map on his phone with pins in places you were going to go. “We’re going to go in a giant circle. But most of us are not going to come back after each trip. We have fold up carts that we’ll put the bags in, and then Clint, and Bruce will run it all back to the U Haul where Scott will be hanging out, keeping an eye on it, since we’re going to be spending a lot of money and people are extra sticky fingered around the holidays.”

“OK.” You said as you glanced over at Bucky as he held out a mic pack for you.

“Needs to clip to your collar on the inside or on your jacket if you don’t plan on taking it off, line goes under your shirt, and the battery fits in your back pocket or it can clip to the back of your jeans.” You nodded your head and turned around to feed the mic up your shirt to your collar as Tony continued.

“Now, I usually do this ‘anonymously’ by supposedly grabbing people off the street, but I have to have people consent to being filmed on film for legal reasons before I can even begin, and I need them to be mic-ed up for that. Which is what we’re doing here. But once that’s done, what we’re gunna have you do is walk about half way down the block while I do my intro. And Bruce will give you the signal to walk toward me. When you pass me, be looking at Anna Lee’s list, and act startled when I get your attention. I may jump in front of you, I may grab your arm. It kinda just happens. And I apologize in advance. Just please don’t scream. It draws a lot of attention and it doesn’t look good.”

“I won’t scream.” You giggled with a shake of your head as you got Annie’s list out. 

“Perfect. Now, I need you to confirm to the camera that you are OK with being on camera, in those words. Not just yes or OK, or sure…”

“I am OK with being filmed for Tony Stark’s YouTube channel and his Christmas video. No matter how much I oppose having money spent on me…”

“OK, that’s not what I wanted.” Tony laughed as Bucky smirked at you behind his camera. “But it will work. Now, one last thing. Some stores have an issue with our bigger camera, but I have Wade, our unofficial, smooth talking, ’legal guy’ that talks to managers. Try to stay close, and keep your back more to walls so that other people are not on camera. And if the big camera gets kicked out, we switch to much more subtle little ones. Just so you know what’s going on. And we’re starting with the American Girl store.”

“We also film everything and do a lot of editing so don’t worry about swearing or having to redo takes.” Bucky said as he leaned the camera away from his face a bit. “And I’ll let you know if there’s audio issues so don’t worry about the microphone and the cord.”

“Alright, we ready?” Steve asked as he clipped his mic pack to his belt. You nodded and took a deep breath as you purposely unwrapped your scarf to keep it away from the mic and followed the group down to the street. With Annie’s list in hand, you did what you were told and walked down the block to wait for the signal. You knew what was coming but your hands still shook.

“Stupid.” You mumbled when Bruce gave you the signal. You took a deep breath and carefully stepped around Bucky where Bruce was pointing so that you were passing by Tony where you needed to be.

“Miss! Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.” Tony said as he gently took your shaking arm and turned you back around so you were facing the camera. “Hi, I have a very important question for you. Who made this Santa list for you today?”

“Oh. My daughter, Anna Lee.”

“Anna Lee. Well my name is Tony Stark. I rented a U Haul truck this year and we’re doing a Christmas video shopping spree for one lucky child this year where we fill the truck with toys for them. And a list written to Santa in glitter crayon on pink paper with stickers to boot, screams special little girl.”

“What?! No, you can’t…”

“Well Santa told me that this was the list I was looking for.” Tony interrupted with a smile, glad you were playing along. “It’s been decided by the spirit of Christmas. So what’s first on the list?” He asked as he looked at the list with you.

“Well Annie really wants an American Girl doll so that’s where I was headed first.”

“Then American Girl it is!” Tony said as he smiled over at you before looking at the camera. “Let’s fill this U Haul for Annie!” Tony stood there long enough to get a thumbs up from Bucky before turning toward you with a smile and handing you back the list. “You did good.”

“Thanks.” You said with a small smile as Bucky came up next to you as Tony looked at his app.

“Just so you know, the microphone picks up your voice even if your not in front of the camera and records it… and I can hear it all in my headset. Which is also very stupid.” Your face flushed red as he held the camera by his side and followed the rest of the group down the street.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

“Relax.” He laughed. “We can edit it out in post. No big deal. Just be mindful, OK?” With one more apology, the group turned the corner and grabbed a pair of taxis to head a few blocks uptown to stop number one. You got the quick run down on how you were supposed to enter, but that was it instruction wise. You headed through the door of one of the flagship American Girl Place stores, and couldn’t help but smile that you were standing in a store that you had wanted to see since you were a child and got your own doll.

“So which doll does Annie have her heart set on?” Tony asked as he moved you and himself just enough so that you were out of the way and in front of a wall.

“Oh, that would be Nanea. She’s…”

“First one to find Nanea without disrupting the mom’s gets a thousand dollars.” Tony said with a smirk. His friends took off a brisk walk and you glanced over at Tony. “You’re in on that too.” He said as he gestured to the store. 

“Oh boys. If this is how the day is going to go, you’re in for a world of hurt.”

“Follow her.” Tony said as he pushed Bucky in the direction you went. You beelined through the crowd, past Sam and Steve who didn’t realize that Nanea wasn’t a WellieWisher doll and were searching the boxes, Bruce, who was trying to go through boxes in a round about with a bunch of other moms and girls, and Scott, who looked completely lost trying to find some kind of sign to point him in the right direction. Being a mother, and a frequent reader of the magazine, you knew exactly what you were looking for. You headed upstairs, slowed along the side wall in the middle display of all of the dolls that were sold in the historic line, before very gently reaching up to grab a box on the bottom of the third round display in.

“Found it.” You said softly as you smiled at the doll that was going to make your daughter’s whole world. Tears welled in your eyes as Bucky lowered his camera to just watch you for a moment before shooting a text to the group that the doll had been found and where and putting the camera back up on his shoulder.

“She’s a lucky girl.” He said softly, making you look up at him as you hugged the box to your chest.

“I remember opening this box when I was a little girl. It was magical. And now I get to make it magical for her, too.” You looked at him and not the camera and smiled softly. “Thank you for doing this.”

“So who are these other dolls? They all have stories, right?” Steve asked as he looked around at the section you were in.

“They do.” You said as you held the doll to your chest. “I know some of them. Julie is a hippie who stands up for girl’s rights, Melody stands up for the civil rights movement, Nanea survived Pearl Harbor, Kit was Great Depression, Samantha is an orphan, Rebecca is Jewish, Addy escaped slavery, Kaya is a Native American, Josefina lived in 1800’s New Mexico, and Maryellen lives in a time of conformity in the 50’s and she just wants to stand out. Then you have Joss who is deaf in one ear, Blair the chef, decorator, farmer, etcetera, and lastly my personal favorite, Luciana, the aspiring astronaut. Wow, I know all of them.”

“You know a lot about these dolls.” Steve said as Tony stood next to Bucky, just watching.

“I do. I had a doll when I was younger, Molly, World War II. I loved the lessons that these dolls taught, and I love that they are still teaching girls about our history. And they all have clothes and props and stuff to help reinforce those stories. Like I had a little chalk board and work books, and a desk for Molly. It’s really cute.”

“Well then obviously, Annie needs them all.”

“What?!” You snapped as you whipped around to Tony, who was smiling as if he didn’t just drop a bomb.

“One of everything the doll has.” He told his friends, who scattered across the room to grab a doll and all the accessories they had in their section. “Pay attention to the little boxes!”

“No. No, you really don’t have to do that.” You tried as he looked at Nanea’s shelves and grabbed her clothes and accessories packs.

“You agreed to this, sweetheart.” Tony said in a sing song voice as he grabbed a couple shopping bags from a woman and started to fill them. “We’re doing this for Anne…”

“Anna Lee.” You and Bucky corrected at the same time.

“Anna Lee.” Tony repeated as if committing her full name to memory. “Look, they’re historic so she can learn. And besides that, you have to look at it this way. I know we’re not gunna be able to fill a 26 foot U Haul today. I knew that going into it. But thanks to money that I get from my followers, and money that comes from selling sweaters and t-shirts, and shit, I know I have roughly one million dollars to spend on Anna Lee. And in order to get more content to be able to do this for someone else, I need to go all out. And I need you to participate as well.” You nodded your head as his friends started putting their finds in the shopping bags, and Tony gently pushed your shoulder. “Make it fun! Enjoy spoiling your kid. Just pretend you won the lottery and spend my money. Because you kinda did.”

“OK, OK.” You sighed as you took two shopping bags from him with a scowled smile. “Fine. They make furniture, clothes, pets, and accessories, too. And other dolls for younger kids, and ones that you can find to look like your kid…”

“Well then lead the way.” Steve said with a smile as the guys picked up the first round of bags. You looked over at Bucky with a heavy sigh, and he gave you a smile and a small nod.

“You got this.” With a roll of your eyes, you lead the pack of boys around, picking out and assisting them on picking the best pieces the store had.

Part 2

[welshsidekick]

To The Stars - The First Half of a Draft of Chapter 1

Pairing: Gamora/Peter Quill/OC (this is gonna be super slow burn though I’m so sorry I just want to emulate the actual Peter/Gamora romance in the films)

AU: Soulmate AU (name tattoos, although that doesn’t really come up in this part)

Word Count: 2456

Notes: Catch me posting this first half of a draft of the first chapter in the hopes that it’ll push me to actually get this damn thing done and published, because I’ve been working on it for months.

“So, what do you say? We have a deal?”

“A deal? Ha!” The large, fleshy man spat in her face, causing her to recoil slightly. “You expect us to believe that you have the pass codes to the largest bank in the galaxy?”

“And I’m willing to hand them over for just 20% of what I’m sure you’ll ‘rightfully liberate’.” ‘And trying incredibly hard to not stare at that nutsack you call a head.’ She thought, although she wouldn’t dare say it aloud. Not until they were at a fairly safe distance, anyway.

The man scoffed. “No deal, Chip.”

“Oh come on!” She exclaimed. “When have I ever lied to you?” There was a brief silence from the thugs that surrounded the dealing table as they shared looks, before the murmuring began.

“Well, there was that time with the nuclear launch codes from Terra-“

“The Sovereigns’ Anulax batteries-“

“The Kyln blueprints-“

“Okay, okay! I get it, I’ve screwed you guys over.” A pointed look from a purple, but equally phallic looking man caused her to continue. “A lot. But I promise that it’s the real deal this time.”

“Promise?” Sack-head inquired, leaning over the table and extending his pinky. She sighed and rolled her eyes, but locked her own with his.

“Pinky promise.” That seemed to satisfy him, if the smirk on his face was any indication, as if the self-serving grunt wasn’t a big enough sign already. Only seconds after handing over the chip he shot his fist victoriously into the air, standing up so quickly that his chair clattered to the ground as his men yelled in celebration.

Shaking her head, Chip carefully got up from her own seat and tucked it back beneath the table, before making her leave from the dingy base, weaving between the sweaty men who’s now raised arms allowed a wave of BO to assault her nostrils, resulting in her nose wrinkling as she sped up her pace.

“Suckers.” She grinned to herself, flipping the actual memory chip from one hand to the other before placing it back into the appropriate pouch on one of her many belts. You’d think that they’d stop trusting her after a while, but they were far too naive. It’s a miracle that they got out of trouble as much as they did, but she supposed that someone had to take pity on them. If not for their gullible incompetence, then for their unfortunately shaped heads.

The streets of Xandar were far cleaner up top than down in the underground where she had been. Of course, that was likely due to the fact that the underground was the home to the dumber criminals, while the ones up here were smarter to disguise themselves and their transactions with the assistance of their vast wealth. But she always had had a soft spot for the stupid ones – they were much easier to mess with.

Speaking of the Intergalactic Bank, she should probably utilize those codes to draw out some money herself. She doubted that they’d notice if about 2% went missing from some of their wealthiest accounts, and that would be more than enough to keep her going for the rest of the year.

She was ripped from her thoughts when a green woman suddenly shoved her out of the way. Despite her slight disorientation as she stumbled to the railing, it would have been difficult to miss the red wire flying past and wrapping around the woman’s legs, causing her to fall and trip. It didn’t help her confusion when a man wearing red suddenly jumped on the woman, only to be easily kicked away and – hey, when did she get that wire from around her legs?

“This wasn’t the plan.” She heard the green lady say as she finally got the upper hand, pulling out a knife. It seemed that the universe didn’t want her to wrap her head around this situation because, out of fucking nowhere, a raccoon of all things tackled the green lady to the side.

“Put him in the bag, put him in the bag!” The raccoon repeated as a humanoid tree, as if this couldn’t get any stranger, approached the scuffle with a large sack, his branches seemingly extending to wrap around the woman. “No! Not her, him! Learn genders man!”

Chip’s attention was quickly drawn away from whatever the hell was going on over there when she noticed the small metal orb rolling around the ground, only for it to quickly be snatched up by the man in red who began running. This was the kind of thing that was probably best to not get involved in, especially as she swore that she knew some of these people’s faces from somewhere, which was hardly ever a good sign in her line of work. Curiosity killed the cat and all that. But, satisfaction did bring it back…

A quick glance to make sure that the other three were still preoccupied was all she needed before she took off after the man with the orb.

“Hey! That’s our bounty, back off!” She heard a yell from behind her, which merely caused her to smirk. A bounty, huh? Not her usual game, sure, but she did need  the money, so she’d bite.

“Finders keepers, losers weepers!”

It didn’t take long for her to close the distance between them and seal the deal by sliding along the ground with one leg extended to sweep his out from underneath him.  As he fell, she stood and twisted her torso so she could grab his arm and flip him onto his stomach, turning his arm to an uncomfortable angle and placing a foot on his back to keep him down. She grabbed the orb as he whined underneath her, turning it over in her hand to inspect it.

“Oh, quit being such a- Ow!” She was cut off when a dagger hit her hand, causing her to drop the orb and turn to look at the perpetrator.

So, apparently the green woman had gotten free. Somehow.

The man below her used her distraction to flip the tables, literally. He rolled over, causing her to fall onto her back as he leaped off the side of the bridge. “Oh, come on.” She groaned, turning herself over to her stomach. She caught the cut on her hand quickly healing up and brought it to her mouth to lick the blood away before pushing herself up and running over to the railing where he had jumped, only to see him roughing it up with the green woman again. Deciding to jump down after them was apparently a mistake, as the woman somehow slammed into her, causing Chip to fly over a fountain while the she landed in the water.

Pulling herself up using the wall allowed her to see that the raccoon and tree were back, and trapping the man in the bag this time. “Wait, are we after him or the orb?” She asked, leaning against the wall with one arm resting on top of it as she blew a stray hair out of her face. The green woman merely shook her head before planting a palm straight into Chip’s face, shoving her back down to the ground and using the force as leverage to begin storming back to the scene. “Not much of a talker. Gotcha.” She clicked her finger, pointing it over the wall towards the woman, although she doubted that she would turn back and notice.

Getting back on her feet a little slower this time allowed her to get back just as the man in red fell flat on his face in front of her, being shot down by a shock that apparently came from the raccoon. The gun looked bigger than the creature, but she decided not to question it.

“Taken down by a raccoon, huh?” She chuckled, crouching down to search through his pockets. “I’d say we’ve all been there, but we really haven’t. It’s pretty embarrassing, really-” Of course, her train of thought was cut off when a pair of hands grabbed at her upper arms to haul her up.

“Alright, let’s take this nice and-” This time, Chip didn’t let them finish as she threw her head back, hearing a satisfying crack and an even more satisfying “Ow!” as she was let go. In hindsight, she really should have paid attention to where she was running, but the truth of matters was that she didn’t. Instead, she simply sprinted forward, running over the man in red as she kept her head down, only to quickly be stopped as she found herself caught in a Star Blaster tractor beam, alongside the raccoon and humanoid tree.

“Good going, Einstein.” The raccoon huffed, seemingly amused. Chip only rolled her eyes as she held up her hands in a mock surrender to appease the Corps.

“Junth Lagrinne, by the authority of the Nova Corps you are under arrest for endangerment to life, the destruction of public property, and assaulting an officer.

Chip merely smiled sweetly as she turned to look over at the now disgruntled officer holding his bloody, and likely broken, nose as he helped another corp arrest the man in red. A mischievous glint appeared in her eye as she turned back, the grin morphing into a smirk as she shrugged.

“Well, I wasn’t about to make it ‘nice and easy’,  was I?”

The silence that fell over them while they were being shipped out in handcuffs was to be expected, but that didn’t make it any less awkward. There was a lot of unwarranted - and warranted - glaring. Most of their backs were hunched to some extent, like bristling cats, yet the green woman was sat ramrod straight, and successfully ignoring the rest of them. Something Chip wasn’t wholly succeeding at.

“- yeah? Well at least I didn’t run into the tractor beam!” The man in red was only getting more and more aggravated by the raccoon, who seemed to be enjoying said aggravation far too much, if his hysterical laughter was any indication.

“Well at least I didn’t get shot down by a rodent.” Chip shot back, eyebrow arched like a taut bow. The man looked like he was preparing to fire back, but the raccoon’s laughter suddenly ceased.

“Hey!” He exclaimed. “I’m not a rodent!”

“Fine, Raccoon.”

“No!”

“Rabbit?”

“Wha- No!”

“Meerkat?”

“N-”

“Chihuahua?”

“No!” His final retort was the loudest, and it needed to be, to be heard over the terran’s laughter. But as amusing as it was, it also drew the ire of the Corps, who were quick to try and calm the situation.

“Hey! Quiet back there!” The words themselves weren’t threatening, but the way the ones who were watching them adjusted their positions on their guns were, which quickly caused the group to shut up.

“At least I don’t have a butt for a chin…” The raccoon muttered grumpily under his breath.

“Hey!” Chip turned suddenly, her expression stormy, only to once again draw the ire of their captors.

“I said quiet!” The voice yelled out once more, allowing the raccoon to huff in self-satisfaction as Chip grumpily returned her attention to the metal beneath her feet, but not before catching a glance of the green womens seemingly eternal sour expression.

Chip only squinted slightly at the bright lights that reflected from the screen in front of her, but quickly composed herself. She knew the deal; they were going to rattle on and on about her and her crimes from the safety at the other side of the screen while she was expected to stand there like a mannequin as if she couldn’t hear every single word.

“Junth Lagrinne, although most folks just know her as ‘Chip’. She’s Terran, but was raised on an unregistered spacecraft where they conducted illegal experiments into cybernetics, particularly in connection to the brain. Seems like they were trying to make some kind of living AI, but all that seems to start and end with her.” While he was rattling off what he’d likely read on some report, Chip read the information they were showing on the screen. It had been a while since she’d been here, so it must have updated. She would be severely disappointed if it hadn’t. Her fingerprints showed up on the left side of the screen from her perspective and were noted as a ‘system match’. On the right side there was some more personal information about herself,

JUNTH LAGRINNE

ALIAS: “CHIP”

ORIGIN: RS DLDC*

LENGTH: 224 MICROBULES

WEIGHT: 831 GRETS

LEGS: 2

ARMS: 2

ENHANCEMENTS: CYBERNETIC BRAIN & OCULAR IMPLANTS, ENHANCED REGENERATION & MUSCULATURE, INCREASED METABOLISM, TRANSLATOR IMPLANT IN NECK

The images on-screen soon faded and changed, with the fingerprints on the left being replaced by a strand of her DNA and, if the notes surrounding it were any indication, the typical confusion as to the aspects weren’t quite Terran but not quite any other species either. The right side now sported an interesting x-ray view of her skeleton, with her the image of her brain lighting up and the orange of the cybernetics in her brain and eye-sockets showing up as orange, with the image soon filling that section of the screen. Some new information appeared beneath her name, causing her to look up from underneath her hair and wink at her captors while wetting her chapped lips.

ASSOCIATES: DEFENSE LAB OF THE DIAGNOSIS OF CRYPTOLOGY

CRIMINAL RECORD: 75 COUNTS COMPUTER FRAUD AND ABUSE, 81 COUNTS ILLEGAL MANIPULATION, 63 COUNTS FRAUD, 1 COUNT OF ASSISTING ESCAPE FROM INCARCERATION

“She’s a well-known intergalactic hacker. Word has it that she downloads anything and everything on those little memory chips of hers, from top government secrets to your grandma’s secret cookie recipe.” The skinnier Corp gave her an almost offended look after that.

“If it makes you feel any better, they were delicious.” She winked, which only seemed to upset him further, as she was soon shoved out of the way for the next person. The raccoon, seemingly.

The green woman was already waiting on the other side, and despite Chip’s attempt at an acknowledgatory nod she continued to ignore the rest of them, purposefully looking the opposite direction. Soon enough the disgruntled nuisance followed, followed suit by the overgrown houseplant. The man in red was the last behind the screen, and decided to hold up procedures by flipping off the Corps.

“What a bunch of a-holes.” The Corp’s irritatingly posh voice didn’t go unnoticed, but it definitely went unappreciated.

“Says you.” She muttered under her breath, which seemed to draw the attention of some of her fellow prisoners, but any conversation that may have developed was quickly cut short.

“Transport all five to the Kyln.”

Extra Notes: Once I get this chapter done it’ll extend to the beginning of the scene in the Kyln too, but I’d just like to thank @quinnhayden for both her help with writing this, agreeing to beta read it, and her writing being the inspiration! While it’s not super clear here without the prologue, and won’t become incredibly important until later on in the story, this is technically an AU based on the Fenrir AU for her own series Not the Standard Unit, which is an amazing Stucky/OC Soulmate AU story that I’d recommend to all of you! The Fenrir AU itself is only a single chapter (+ a teaser chapter if you want to read both, which I’d also recommend), so that’s all you’d really need to read to fully understand what’s going on when the relevant stuff comes up later in the story, but like I said for the most part it won’t be necessary to understand it.

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 16 Extravapalooza

Between my beloved Patriots being officially eliminated from postseason consideration and my meticulously cobbled together fantasy team being summarily dispatched in the second round of my league’s playoffs (thanks a bunch, Russell Wilson), Week 15 really did a number on my enthusiasm for the remainder of the 2020 NFL season. But, I chose to undertake this weekly feature prior to Week 1, and by gorry I’m gonna power through this ennui and see it through to the end because that’s what a blogger does. I should be allowed to jump the line for the COVID-19 vaccine, honestly.

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today. 

EARLY GAMES

Atlanta Falcons at Kansas City Chiefs (-10.5)

At some point all of these ridiculous blown leads and losses have to completely break the psyche of the Falcons, right? Was last week the final straw? I have no idea, but maybe! The Chiefs have been letting teams hang around in the bulk of their games lately, and my beautiful boy Clyde Edwards-Helaire is out for a bit, but I think this is the week where they finally open up the throttle and pulverize an opponent into dust. This feeling is based on NOTHING, and you should not lend it any weight whatsoever.

Cleveland Browns (-9.5) at New York Jets

The Jets winning outright against the Rams last week might be the most gobsmacking result I’ve ever seen in an NFL football game. Dare I say the Jets have turned a corner and will be a downright feisty squad in these final weeks of the season? No, I do not dare say that. They’re very likely gonna get rolled by a Cleveland team missing practically its entire WR corps. Hey, since we’re talking about the Browns, now’s as good a time as any to publicly congratulate one of my favorite Clevelanders on his recent wedding engagement: Way to go, dude! I couldn’t be happier for you.

Indianapolis Colts at Pittsburgh Steelers (-1)

Pittsburgh has failed to reach 20 points in any of their last 4 games, and none of those 4 defenses are as good as Indy’s. Big Ben’s season has sort of mirrored Cam Newton’s. They both looked pretty good coming out of the gate when they were totally fresh, but as soon as the bumps, bruises, wear, and tear started piling up their performances fell of precipitously. It makes sense, they’re both gigantic QBs who’ve taken tons of hits throughout their careers, and they’ve both undergone major surgery on their throwing arms. Unfortunately, it seems like they’re both ready for the glue factory. Things could get awkward in the Steel City this offseason if a catastrophically diminished Big Ben doesn’t want to retire and subsequently the Steelers have to weigh the decision to cut a legendary player. Then again, forcing people to do things they’d rather not do would be very much in character for Ol’ Greypeen, now wouldn’t it? 

Chicago Bears (-7.5) at Jacksonville Jaguars

Aww man, don’t make me choose between my two favorite bad QBs. This is like telling me I can only bail one of my sons out of juvie for the holidays. Do I pick the one who was arrested for stealing a car and joyriding with the sheriff’s daughter (Mitchell), or the one arrested for selling coke to the entire English department at his school, and who was only caught because the husband of the teacher he was sleeping with caught them in the act (Gardner)? I guess I’ve gotta go with Mitchell, since he hangs around with a better crowd and still has a  chance at a successful future. I still love Gardner, though.

UPDATE: The Jaguars are benching Gardner Minshew and going with Mike Glennon again, because they aren’t taking any chances in their pursuit of Trevor Lawrence.

New York Giants at Baltimore Ravens (-10)

The Giants will have Daniel Jones back in the saddle for this one, but all the reports I’m reading are making sure to point out that he’s still dealing with lingering issues in his ankle/hamstring. That...doesn’t seem very good. The Giants are at their friskiest when Jones is able to escape the pocket and scramble, and two weeks ago when a hobbled Danny Dimes tried to give it a go against the Cardinals, it really didn’t go very well. I wouldn’t be surprised if we see some Colt McCoy mop-up duty here, as the Ravens seem to have found their groove a bit over the past three weeks. 

Cincinnati Bengals at Houston Texans (-7)

I don’t like that I’m picking so many TD-or-more favorites in these early games, but what can I say, we’ve got ourselves a slate of lopsided and crappy games this week. If it weren’t for the Jets, the Bengals would be last week’s most stunning winner after knocking off the Steelers despite only putting up 230 yards of offense. Cincinnati has yet to announce whether Ryan Finley or Brandon Allen will be starting at QB, but c’mon. Waiting on that info is like chugging a quart of spoiled milk and waiting to see which end of your digestive system it’ll be violently expelled from.

LATE GAMES

Carolina Panthers at Washington Football Team (-1)

As of right now, it remains unclear who will be starting at QB for the Football Team. The latest report I could find said that Alex Smith was feeling soreness in his injured calf, and that the team was “less optimistic” about him playing than they were earlier in the week. I’m operating under the assumption that it’ll be Dwayne Haskins. Whoever ends up back there, they won’t have WR Terry McLaurin to throw to, which sucks for them. Beastly RB Antonio Gibson is going to try to play through the turf toe injury that was supposed to keep him out for the remainder of the season, which is admirable, but I’m not sure how effective he can be. It’s hilarious that this positively moribund game has genuine playoff implications.

Denver Broncos at Los Angeles Chargers (-3)

I can’t think of a single fucking thing to say about this game. I really am an East Coast Bojack. Hey, how ‘bout that Anthony Lynn clock management? Pretty bad, right!?

Philadelphia Eagles (-3) at Dallas Cowboys

I don’t like this any more than you do, but Dallas is coming in hot and while Jalen Hurts has been a fantasy football beast and a lot of fun to watch, the Eagles offense in general still isn’t strong enough for me to roll with in a game that feels like a total shootout. I’m sure Andy Dalton won’t let me down!

Los Angeles Rams at Seattle Seahawks (-1)

I’ve gotta think the Rams are gonna come out ready to rock ‘n roll for this one after their spectacularly embarrassing performance against the Jets last week. The inversely proportional relationship between Seattle’s offense and defense is one of the more puzzling aspects of the season so far, as now that they can actually stop people from scoring Russell Wilson has turned into Mitchell Trubisky. Russ is awesome and I think he can get his shit together, but the Rams are too tough an opponent to do it against (unless you’re the Jets, I guess).

SNF: Tennessee Titans at Green Bay Packers (-3)

A nighttime game in Green Bay with windchills in the teens and a chance for snow pitting a pair of Super Bowl contenders against one another? Fuck yeah, this is good football. The Aaron Rodgers-Davante Adams connection has progressed well beyond the bounds of reason and now exists purely in the realm of the supernatural. They are definitely going to cause major problems for Tennessee. My pick is based purely on the Titans ability to chew up game clock by repeatedly handing the ball to literal hellbeast Derrick Henry. I think both defenses are in for a long night.

MNF: Buffalo Bills (-7) at New England Patriots

This is 100% a homer pick. The Bills are rolling and are unquestionably the best team in the division, but I’m banking on the Pats making one last stand of schematic wizardry here to keep the game within a touchdown.

Last Week’s Record: 4-8-1

Season Record: 95-105-7