#fuckeduplove

[mysmia06]

I tolerated because I was afraid,

I forgave because I did not want us to fade.

You failed to see things from my point of view,

Yet I stayed because I love you.

Your actions makes me feel worthless,

It is because of you that I am a mess.

You often choose to degrade my presence,

That is why our love is at a distance.

I know that you are not the only one to blame,

Slowly I am starting to understand your game.

Our relationship is allocated to your requirements,

You made it seem like loving me is a confinement.

You deemed me at your finger tips,

As you only wanted all ups of our relationship.

And once again I mark your absences,

At a time I am feeling broken and out of balance.

- your MysMiA

[strawberry-rainbow-pride]

Names + Nicknames: Any! Pref Masc or Neu name

Pronouns: He/They/Xsy/Xe/Lovesick/Love/Yan/Obsess/Heart

Age/Age range: 13-16

Genders: Xenoboy, Yanderegender, Stargender, Mascyandere, Fuckeduploveic, Lovic, basically Lovecore/Yanderecore related + Masc

Orientations: Biromantic, Demiromantic, Polysexual, Demisexual

Additional identities: Trans-OLD, anymore you want

Form picture/Form description (body in headspace): Tall(6'4), Slightly slim, Any color hair, red eyes

Purposes: A boyfriend/partner for out Darling Headmate, Jerry

Interests/Likes & Dislikes: Lovecore, Obsession, AAF, TMC, DHMIS, Yanderes, Proship

Boundaries: DNI - Antis | Don’t- Flirt to (him? Me? Idk, me it is) or my bf.

Additional info: Super obsessive over him. We'll do a intro on Jerry soon(with a template)

- The Code Collective, Alex Kister(since main blog is a masked account)

-angie (She/Rot)

[worstinme]

It’s hard. Everything I once knew proven wrong. The manipulation is so clear to me now that I am out of your grasp. Fuck you

[cashbycash]

closure pt 1. 4/22

For my Precious, on our day, our could have, a letter in a  river, that fell between the broken bridge, I miss you so much. I'm trying to hate you for ruining my life forever but nothing can defy what you were to me. I'm sinking in this river and can't breathe, I'm dying, and feel null. It was not suppose to end this way, we weren't suppose to get hurt.You were to be loved by me physically, emotionally.... why did you put your hands on me so many times after I told you stop?

Idk how I was able to snap into such a rage

Was that the amount of intensity of love, I planned on giving you that night?

All night I couldn't bare the idea of not being with you and I tried to fight it but I couldn't. It made me want you more.

I wanted to love you hard.

Next time

Next time

Next time

Next time

Next time

Next time I'll walk away from anger

Next time I'll be more positive

Next time I'll tell you more

Next time I'll protect you

Next time I'll have your back

Next time I'll pay attention

Next time I'll be there for you

Next time I'll hold you stronger

Next time I'll forgive you

Next time I'll win you back

Next time I won't let you walk away

Next time I'll listen

Next time I'll inspire you

Next time I'll hold your hand

Next time we'll dance

Next time I'll kiss you

Next time I'll wait for you

Next time I'll be sensitive

Next time I'll try harder

Next time I won't hurt you

Next time I'll secure you

Next time I'll appreciate you

Next time I'll uplift you

Next time I'll be there

Next time I won't lose you

Next time I'll take care of you

Next time I'll say the nicer things to you

Next time I won't be a dick

Next time we'll have better times

Next time I'll tell my parents about you

Next time I'll dress up for you

Next time I'll let the world know

Next time I won't broke promises

Next time I'll embrace our differences

Next time I won't give up on us

Even though the bridges are burnt forever,  and you're the enemy, I hope next time you'll bare all of the above for some one who loves you like I do. I know you love me too, I know you do. This wasn't suppose to happen.

I'm not over you

[mysmia06]

You make me feel like loving me is a punishment. Your words cut deep into my skin as you point out my flaws. It's only a matter of time till the scars become visible.

-MysMiA

[worstinme]

[tttaylorrr-b]

Quite frankly, my dear, I think I am going insane. Or maybe I have been insane all this time and I am finally realizing it. I can't love but when I do it is intense and corrupted. I am unable to love for ways I may never know but what I do know is that people lie. I learned that at a young age when my daddy told me to never fall in love with a man like him. I guess that's when I stopped loving. I didn't want to let him down because I would fall in love with the good qualities of my father that other men possessed. Sometimes the feelings come over me in uncontrollable waves and I fall in love involuntarily. That's when the war begins, when I realize your smile is what I want to see every morning. Yet I don't deserve to wake up to something as lovely as such because I will never believe your reason for smiling. You may say that I have drawn that smile on your face, but why would you smile at the sight of a girl who doesn't understand her own tainted thoughts, and could never accept your love because of her fathers words that are burned into her memory. Darling, I am insane and I know that because love and hate can be intertwined in such a way as I think I might hate you because I think I might love you.

[lovingbucci-blog]

I hate the fact that you have so much power to hurt me. How your my world. How no matter how upset I am with you being held in your arms will take it away. I hate that I can't leave simply because your all I want and without you I won't experience any of these fucked up crazy feelings . I'll never love again I wouldn't want to because I've given myself to you there for you hold me even if were no longer together I will always compare the next to you and that's not fair so I'll never allow there to be a next I'd rather be alone.

[mysmia06]

What's the point of love that makes me feel unwanted.

What's the point of having that relationship, that I can't count on.

What's the point of having you, when I am still feeling alone.

What's the point of it all, when there is nothing to hold on.

Days like this, I feel like quitting on us.

-MysMiA

[dreaming-dasman]

Hanggan Kelan???

Madalas kong tanongin ang sarile ko. "hanggan kelan?" o "worth it ka ba sa paghihintay ko?"

at malamang sakin din nanggagaling ung sagot sa mga sarile ko'ng tanong. Para kasing di kita kayang sukuan. Kahit na napapagod na ako at pakiramdam ko wala naman talagang patutunguhan. Madalas iniisip ko ang ibig sabihin talaga ng salitang "M.U" para sa'yo ay "Magulong Ugnayan" for the past months pinilit ko ang sarile ko maging rational. Inintindi kita ng lubusan. Pero parang hindi mo naman na a-appreciate ung mga ginagawa ko sayo. ni Hi o Hello, wala. Kapag Hindi kita pinapansin. pakiramdam ko ako nalang yung laging dapat mag approach kasi you are too lazy to be the first to talk to me. Hindi ko nga alam kung sumasagi ba ako sa isipan mo out of no where e. Oo aaminin ko pagod na pagod na ako sa ganitong set up. Para bang magkakilala lang tayo. Walang SPARK, kung tawagin nila. 

Madalas ang sagot ko nalang sa sarile ko sa mga ganitong pagkakataon ay "EWAN KO" o "Bahala na"  kasi wala naman talagang diretsong sagot sa isang malabong tanong, hindi ba? nakaka torete na. Kasi ikaw na dapat napag sasabihan ko ng mga problema ko, Ikaw na dapat kausap ko, kapag pakiramdam ko nag iisa ako. Ikaw na sana kakulitan ko. wala. Madalas iniisip ko na parang hangin lang ako sayo, pero kung hangin man ako, ibig sabihin non di ka mabubuhay ng wala ako. pero mali, malamang para sayo hindi ako hangin. 

Isa lang akong existence. kilala mo ko, alam mo na may pagtingin ako sayo, pero kaya mo ako balewalain. kaya mo ako iwanan, kaya mo ako tiisin, kaya mo halos lahat ng hindi ko kaya gawin sayo. mas marami pa kasi ung negatibong mga nangyayare sa pagitan natin dalawa kesa sa mga masasayang positibong pangyayare. Ang gulo diba?

Ngayon hapon na ito tinatanong ko nanaman sa sarile ko ang mga katagang ito.

Hanggan kelan ba ang kakayanin mo???

Marahil ay walang ni sino man ang pumipigil sakin sa pag suko sayo, pero kahit ganon pa man ay labag parin sa kalooban ko ang biglaan ka nalang di pansinin. dahil sa loob ng isang linggo ay 5 araw kitang nakikita. Pano ko nga ba mapipigilan ang pag bilis ng tibok ng puso ko sa tuwing maaninag ko ang presensya mo? Pano ko mapipigilan ang mga labi sa pag ngiti kapag naaamoy ko ang pabango na madalas ginagamit mo? Pano ko mapipigilan ang pag dausdos ng mga alaala sa isipan kapag tahimik ang paligid? Pano ko nga ba talaga mapipigilan ang pag lapit sayo ng mga paa ko? 

Hindi ko kayang labanan ang nararamdang ito. 

At sana pag nabasa mo ito

ay wag mong sabihin nag da-drama nanaman ako.

[pretendingsmile]

Dati pag sinasabi nila na masyadong komplikado ang pag-ibig, iniisip ko na over-acting lang sila.. yun pala pag ikaw na yung nagmamahal nagiging komplikado nga ang lahat.  Tama sila hindi ganun ganun lang yon eh kasi pag nagamahal ka na hindi mo na maiiwasan na may masaktan na ibang tao. sabi nila ang pagmamahal ay pagpaparaya pero sa tiingin ko mas mahal pa din natin yung sarili natin kasi sa huli kahit na alam natin na makakasakit tayo sa mga pinagagawa natin sa buhay eh pinipili pa din natin yung kung saan tayo sasaya eh.

[itslittleredheadme]

I am so confused

I am angry, yet really upset, yet pissed off, however devastated. 

I honestly don't know what the fuck to think or do. 

I need time to think. To be alone. To figure out what the fuck to do. 

I honestly don't know anymore, and that is the saddest part. 

But I'll never stop loving you, I could never stop. 

We're forever stuck with one another. 

[ana-loves-monsters]

Don't let them bring you down

Great way to kill someone or drive them crazy :

step one: tell them you love them

Step two: stop replying to them for days

Great way to make them wish they hadn't: 

Step one: forget them

[brokenstars83]

.Lost.

So here I am sitting here. I feel so blank, so empty. I thought I found the one guy who could mean the world to me. And what do I do? The usual *ME* self. I FUCKED it all up. The one thing he asked me to do was NEVER lie to him. And I did. I lied to protect myself and in turn I just possibly destroyed everything. I'm lost. I didn't realize how much he meant to me until he told me he didn't want to speak to me right now. I feel like I'm in a haze, like I should wake up from this dream. I am not hungry, I can't even eat. The smell of food makes me sick. My eyes burn from the hours of crying I have endured. I turned off my phone so I don't have to talk to anyone. He was everything I wanted. I fell in love with him in just a month. I felt like I was falling in love, like I have real deep feelings for him.  But this morning I realized I AM in love with him. He has made me feel so alive since I started talking to him. He helped in trying to make me feel better for myself. Why do I fuck all the good things up for myself? Yet I stay with all the bad and deal with that. Welcome to my fucked up world.