#fucking ''shapeshifting'' dude are you okay

[fox-on-the-moon]

trying to find any information about NPD is just. exclusively ableist shit with no basis and basically impossible to find something from, you know, someone who actually has NPD or something that just doesn’t demonize them.

like i just read ONE quora answer on someone who asked abt relationships with someone with NPD and it was so vile

i screenshotted some (it was like, half an essay) obviously massive cw for ableism, specifically against people with NPD (one mention of addiction too) under the cut. literally disgusting ableist shit

like imagine saying anything like this about a mentally ill person is in any way okay or anything but horiffic ableism???

[somerandomdudelmao]

OKAY SO GENERAL THOUGHTS AND SOME HYPOTHESES BASED UPON THE INFORMATION WE HAVE:

Holly is from Teegarden; a place where either all of his species can shapeshift or he himself is some kind of priest of whatever god they worship that has given him the ability to shapeshift. If ALL of the Teegardenians have innate shapeshifting, this makes the bird hunting Inherently More Sinister, but it makes far more sense to me for Holly to be special, because he says he's from a temple and attributes his shapeshifting to god. It also makes sense for Holly to be special amongst his species because Sculptor asked Oscar and Ward 'Which of you is smarter?'

They're keeping higher quality/more unique specimens in The Vault and maintaining them for some reason.

When Ward is still Very Much Ravaged by whatever the fuck the Science Scrapers were doing, we see probably-Sculptor saying they should put him specifically with 'someone peaceful'. We don't know why they have taken this consideration beyond determining he's not going to be a danger to a more peaceful inmate, but we do know Holly is also missing an eye, which means that must be part of the 'forcibly extracting information from a creature's body and brain' process. Ward was not doing any talking, they got the information about Oscar's laptop via stealing it out of his brain. Sculptor was not separating the dangerous smart one from the harmless stupid one. The Echolocators (this will be my shorthand for the rest of the Q) fully believe themselves to be above both these weird little dudes, but they know from experience they can get more, better information about humans out of the smarter of the two.

Holly sighs sadly and says 'they've found another civilization to destroy', and he's been kept alive alone in the vault for an indefinite period of time while the general ecosystem of his planet appears to be intact enough for regular hunting excursions. Either the Echolocators circle around regularly between planets they've previously colonized to keep the base resources on each planet fresh, or they are in the middle of ravaging specifically Teegarden beyond livability, and will move on to Earth next now that they've conveniently found some fun new pets. I believe the use of 'civilization' is significant enough to suggest it's the former, which is Way Scarier because they've also noted humans are edible and taste good.

A species of colonizer aliens being set up in an ant-like colony is delightful by the way. Also I saw someone in the notes saying 'oh no she doesn't know about The Incident' over Ecliptica being like 'I didn't really check on Ward, science is boring to me' and would just like to say No. Ecliptica absolutely knows about the unethical Whatever That Was and The Vault. She just doesn't know if Ward survived or is any semblance of okay. Because Oscar is a cute fun novelty and Ward is some guy she does not particularly care about.

Oh, my God, I want to express my thoughts on your hypotheses so bADLY. But that would be the wrong way to present information that should be shown in a story. But I still want everyone to see it, because carefully analyzing a story is one of the greatest forms of art that amazes me every time🧡

[fairyhaos]

seventeen and which mythical beings they are

requested by @mesanthropi ^^ physically held myself back from going on rants for shua's and hao's and jeonghan's pls (iykyk)

masterlist

seungcheol

vampire. formidable, mysterious vampire seungcheol from a powerful family name who lives in a huge, ominous castle and somehow manages to make sucking blood look sexy… shakes he's so fine oh my god. honestly vampire!cheol with glowing red eyes and an intimidating presence and the most smug fucking smirk in the world is such a vibe, and he also has the whole “i was born centuries and centuries ago” old hag thing down to an art

jeonghan

siren. specifically a mermaid-type siren that lives in the sea and has a pretty iridescent tail. water-dwelling being jeonghan just makes so much sense to me bc he has their fluidity and their peaceful and their mischief and also??? jeonghan with a shimmery mermaid tail and captivating siren voice???? i'd willingly drown myself for him actually, siren song be damned. he has the silvery voice of a siren and the ethereal looks to be one fr

joshua

wood nymph. bambi-eyed wood nymph joshua who communicates with the birds and tends to his forest and has flowers weaved in his hair and stars embedded around his eyes… the nymph!joshua obsession is Real guys and i am definitely a victim of it. curly haired joshua is just sooo wood nymph coded and i can see him as some soft-spoken, pretty being who lives in a birch tree and guides stray travellers when they get lost in his woods

junhui

witch junhui with his black cat familiar and his dented cauldron and his cottage in the middle of the forest!! witch junhui with his mini apothecary and his goofy-sounding spells and his eyebrow permanently half-singed bc his enchantments keep backfiring!! witch junhui with his soft spoken words and bright laugh and total kindness to everyone who happens upon his home!! witch junhui is so so dear to me and he really is just. a witchy little dude

hoshi

shapeshifter. does this idea feed into his furry agenda a bit too much? yeah, it kinda does, but oh my god just imagine tiger shapeshifter hoshi who's part human but can turn into a large, big-fanged and bold-striped tiger at a moment's notice. he really just genuinely gives shapeshifter vibes, and every year he schedules one week where he'll traipse off into the nearest mountains and blow off some steam in his tiger form for seven days

wonwoo

dragon. okay so this is kinda not a humanoid mythical being, but wonwoo is soooo big friendly dragon coded. i can imagine him as a large, red scaly dragon, snoozing atop his massive hoard of gold in a secluded cave in the forest, little wisps of smoke coming out of his nostrils as he snores contentedly. that doesn't mean he can't be scary if he wants to tho, and can burn down any puny humans who try to steal his hoard in the blink of an eye

woozi

demigod. part-god woozi is just such a vibe okay, and he rlly does give off a hercules-type feel, where he can do inhuman things and seems almost untouchable in his awesomeness, even though he's right there in front of you. and he has a hatred of the gods and a mild tolerance for humans but at the end of the day, he appreciates and loves both for all that they do. (also in a percy jackson demigod sense, he is totally an apollo's kid and no i don't make the rules) 

minghao

fae. y'all know how far my fairy minghao agenda runs by now and like ??? can you blame me ???? the idea of sassy smol hao with fairy wings and a squeaky voice is cute and all, but also i just think he fits the idea of the entire tall, mysterious fae folk really well too. with his pointy fae ears and his shrewd gaze and his ability to say half-truths and riddles and give sage advice about how to live your life all at once, he really is very much a fae-like person. 

mingyu

some sort of demon. he's so loud and bright and kind that, despite his huge presence and glowing eyes and the horns protruding out of his mess of fluffy hair, you don't even register that he's some dangerous, hellish creature before something happens and he just snaps, the air around him visibly darkening as he tears after the thing that caused him to lose control. he's so sweet and kind but so undeniably dangerous all at once. 

dokyeom

elf. i'm thinking lord of the rings elves, except i haven't actually watched lord of the rings but i have this idea of them being tall and rich and elegant beings, and it makes me think of dokyeom. he's just so pretty, and the elves rely on the natural elements to survive, right? dokyeom is just so sunbeams peeking through forest leaves, so little rabbits bounding through the undergrowth, so hand-whittled arrows and folk songs around a campfire and tall, tall, beautiful elves. 

seungkwan

will o’ the wisp or a sprite. he's endearing and mysterious, and once you gain his favour he's staying glued to ur shoulder for the entirety of your dangerous quest through the magical woods. he's very chatty and also very elusive, constantly flitting around in the air and disappearing in a wink of light before appearing on your nose once again. you can't tell if he's a help or a hindrance, but he's cute and bright and makes the journey a lot better

vernon

a smurf. smurfs count as mythical beings okay, and while ive never actually watched any smurf movie thing ever, i think vernon would make an absolutely brilliant smurf. they give off silly goofy weird adorable vibes, and that's basically vernon in a nutshell. also smol vernon with blue skin and lives in a mushroom looking house??? that's kinda cute and actually something that vernon might wanna do irl not gonna lie

chan

nine-tailed fox. he's so mysterious and sexy and kind of dangerous but like. his unbelievable handsomeness kinda outweighs the danger. honestly i don't really have an explanation for this other than that the Vibes r there for some reason and he'd look so cool with those glittery wisps of magic threading through the air around him as his eyes glow a mysterious colour before he launches into a kdrama-esque fight sequence against the latest monster

request guidelines

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[howlingday]

CHESS!

Jaune: It's been a while since Ruby and I have played a game of chess.

Ruby: Uh, correction; it's been a while since Jaune blasted my asshole out in chess.

Jaune: (Laughing)

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: It's a knight, Ruby. The first... If you want to be taken seriously, you have to call it what it is.

Ruby: ...IT'S A FUCKING HORSE! They never make the piece as an armored guy on a horse. It's a horse! It's a fucking horse! What, did the horse get knighted?

Jaune: (Snickers) You have shown your bravery in battle, sir. I knight thee, Sir Muffins of Tinkleberry.

Ruby: (Sputters)

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Are you ready for the fuckery?

Ruby: I knew it! I fucking knew it! I know you!

Jaune: I don't know if this game has en passant, but I think they probably do. (Moves pawn) Yup.

Ruby: (Watches her pawn get taken) Oh, you tits!

Jaune: Do you know what that is?

Ruby: Yes, I know what en passant is! For fuck's sakes!

Jaune: Alright.

Ruby: ...But explain it so the audience knows.

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Just relax, Ruby.

Ruby: No, Jaune! I can't relax! It's the art of war!

Jaune: The art of war? I'm pretty sure Shang Tsung, uh...

Ruby: Shang Tsung?!

Jaune: Yeah, the Mortal Kombat guy? Didn't he write the Art of War?

Ruby: Yeah, of course he did! With all that shapeshifting, he's lived a lot of lives!

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: Wait, what the fuck just happened?

Jaune: I took your knight with my bishop.

Ruby: But that's so rude, though!

Jaune: You're right. I hadn't considered that.

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: It's not in our DNA. I'm not naturally just better at chess, I've just played more. I mean, if you played more, you'd beat me in no time.

Ruby: ...You're just pissing me off even more.

Jaune: Okay, I, uh... Don't know what I said to make you feel that way.

Ruby: You saying that just makes me want to slaughter you more so I can prove that I'm the better chess player!

Jaune: Oh my god- What did I just say?!

Ruby: (Laughs)

Jaune: I don't think I'm better than you!

Ruby: Yeah... He says smugly as he wins the game.

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: Okay, I'm gonna do something real stupid. And we'll see how it plays out in the end- SHIT!

Jaune: (Laughs as Ruby is put in checkmate)

Blake: (Snickers)

Ruby: What, do you like this? Do you like this?! I'm a fucking child, dude!

Jaune: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Ruby: You're just beating the shit out of me all day! What am I supposed to do?!

Jaune: I'm sorry, but just the way you started out saying, "And it goes a little something like this~!"

Ruby: Fucking, shut up! You don't know anything!

Jaune: Blake is losing it over here.

Blake: I'm sorry! I'm trying to write notes, but... (Laughs)

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: I swear to god, if I read one fucking comment that's like, "Ruby sucks at chess!"

Ruby: NO SHIT!

Ruby: So what will you do, coward? Will you die by the sword, or will you live by the die!

Jaune: (Laughs) You live by the die...

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: That was a good game, Ruby. And I hope everyone enjoyed watching us play on this lovely Non-Descript Winter Holiday. There's a fire in the hearth, a glass of wine or a cup of tea on the table, rose petals by the side of the board, and the rich scent of mahogany fills the air...

Ruby: ...I'm going to lay face-down on the radiator.

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Rematch?

Ruby: Uh... Yeah.

Jaune: (Chuckles)

Ruby: (Giggles)

[wowsosad]

I love your stuff so far!!! Care to share any thoughts on maybe,, 17ish sam still being a virgin and Dean teasing him abt it? :33333

Hi nonnie :) I took some liberties with this, and it’s mostly unserious and silly. Lmk if you want something smutty next time !

CW/TW: Sam is 17 and Dean is 21, bisexual Sam, sexual conversation, coming out

.

Sam’s done stuff, okay? Not a crazy amount, but he’s had a couple girlfriends, some guyfriends (not boyfriends, there’s a key difference) that he’s fooled around with. But actual sex? Not yet. Dean clocks him on that the summer after his 17th birthday, when John’s dropped them off at some random apartment in western Montana. He’s helping a buddy—a Mason or Michael or Mitch, Sam can’t remember—with a vampire coven a town and a half away. Sam and Dean would’ve been invited, but Dean’s got stitches healing up his sides, and Sam’s got a “shitty goddamn attitude”. They’re rotting in the dry air of the apartment when Dean decides he’s bored of daytime TV, and demands a round of Quid Pro Quo, AKA the game where Dean asks as many embarrassing questions he can think of. Sam’s so bored out of his skull that he agrees to it.

They’re sitting across from each other on the living room couch, and it starts simple. Stupid stuff, like “when’d you last jerk off,” and “monster we’ve killed that you’d fuck”. To anyone else, it’d be a weird conversation to have with your brother, but sex is 80% of Dean’s personality. Half of the shit that comes out of Dean’s mouth has something to do with girls, or boobs, or dicks between boobs, or whatever other dirty thing he can think of. Sam was used to this.

“Um…” Sam trailed, eyes drifting to the ceiling as he tried to think of his next question, “What is… What’s something you’d never do with a girl?”

Dean hummed, pushing his bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout as he thought of his answer, “I dunno. I think anything with another guy would be a no, especially like, her boyfriend or brother or something. If he wants to watch, I won’t mind, but active participation is a no from me.”

Sam scrunched his nose at the idea, feigning disgust. A guy-girl-guy sandwich didn’t sound too bad in his head, but an interested response didn’t seem appropriate. Dean laughed at Sam’s expression, relaxing into the couch.

“My turn,” Dean’s smile dipped towards something mischievous, and Sam knew he was in for something raunchy, “When’d you lose your virginity?”

Sam’s heart stuttered, and he felt his face heat. “Uh,” he swallowed harshly, “Last year,” the lie stumbled off his tongue. Dean’s eyebrow raised.

“When last year?” Dean pushed, and Sam shook his head.

“Nope,” Sam bit the inside of his cheek, “My turn. Why the disinterest in including a guy?”

Dean’s face flushed slightly, confusing Sam. Dean wasn’t the type to blush, but maybe it was the blunt way Sam had delivered the question. The older brother shrugged.

“I dunno, I’m not into dudes. If I’m fucking a girl, I don’t want someone else’s dick involved,” Dean hurried through the sentence, then his eyes hardened on Sam. “When’d you lose your virginity last year?”

Sam’s ears were hot. “A little before my birthday, when we were in Missouri.” He’d quickly puzzled through the aspects of the lie in the brief seconds Dean had used to respond to his question. The game felt like an investigation with the way he spit out his next question: “You mentioned a brother being part of the equation. Has that ever happened to you?”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Jesus, you’re hooked on this one. Yeah, a few years ago when we hunted that shapeshifter in Utah, one of the cheerleaders flirted pretty hard with me. I thought we were gonna hook up, but she said that we could only fuck if her brother got to supervise. It was weird, and I didn’t talk to her again afterwards.”

Sam nodded his acknowledgment, and felt his stomach swoop when Dean’s eyes darkened.

“What was the name of the girl you lost your virginity to, and what’d she look like?”

Oh, he’d gone in for the kill. Sam paused too long before responding, and knew he’d lost.

“Um. Dakota, and she was, uh, blonde, and had green eyes. She was cute, I guess,” Sam sputtered, and the growing smirk on Dean’s face didn’t help his embarrassment of being caught.

“You little shit, you’re lying!” Dean crowed, tossing his head back as he laughed, one of his hands coming up to cradle his stitched-up side, “You seriously haven’t lost it yet?”

Sam’s face burned, and his stomach flip-flopped. Nausea crawled up his throat, his body physically reacting to how silly he felt. Being caught in a lie was far worse than just admitting he hadn’t had sex yet—Dean wasn’t going to shut up about this for weeks.

“Shuddup!” Sam’s voice was practically a whine as he buried his face in his hands, scrubbing at his eyes before yelling over Dean’s hyena laughter, “It’s not like I haven’t done other stuff, you jerk, I just haven’t gone all the way!”

Dean’s laughter calmed, the elder of the two’s expression shifting from humor to interest. “Okay, then what’s the farthest you’ve gone?”

Sam scowled, “It’s my turn to ask a question.”

“I’m not playing anymore,” Dean grinned, “I’m just asking. Answer the question.”

Sam’s face felt like it was on fire, and his stomach felt like a pot of water that’d been readied to boil. He bit the inside of his cheek so hard he bled.

“I-” Sam hesitated, debating whether or not to lie again. The farthest he’d ever gone ever was him and a guyfriend (not boyfriend) making out in some back room of a house party, then jerking each other off. Some fingers had ended up inside of him, and his face darkened further at the thought. He could lie, spin it like he’d been with some girl, but Dean was waiting for a lie. Sam huffed, avoiding his older brothers wide, excited eyes.

“I was at a party, and we made out and… ugh, we got off together. Fingering was involved,” Sam covered his eyes with his hand, groaning at Dean’s low, appreciative whistle.

“Wow,” Dean’s smile was salacious, “What was her name?”

Sam could lie. He really could, since Dean seemed to have taken the bait. He removed his face from his hand, glancing over to Dean. His stomach twisted and turned.

“Daniel,” Sam muttered.

Dean blinked, and blinked again. His grin slipped off his face as he seemed to process the information. Sam felt sick.

“Daniel, or like, Danielle?” Dean tried. Sam swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“Daniel. His name was Daniel Atkins.”

Sam watched, the fear dissipating from his stomach as Dean’s face slowly turned bright red. A little grin perked at his mouth.

“Uh,” Dean tried, suddenly averting eye contact, “Cool, alright.”

“‘Cool’?” Sam questioned. Dean nodded emphatically.

“Yeah, totally cool,” Dean affirmed, though his face remained red, “Very very cool. Still lame that you’re a virgin, though.”

Sam snorted, and extended his leg to kick Dean softly, “Jerk.”

Dean swatted at Sam’s offending leg, “Bitch!”

[reallyintoscience]

Novel Solutions to Ordinary Problems 1/?

He's a top guy, Gadling. Always keeps the good stuff aside for him, never refuses a friend in need. And man, is Matthew in need today. He loves the boss, he really does. Honestly. Loves him. Like he'd never thought you could possibly love someone who was your boss. But he is a lot, and some days Matthew will take what restoratives he can get. Being a magic raven with no thumbs, that pretty much limits him to Gadling's sympathy booze. Which is not nothing. But. 

"What I wouldn't give," he says, and he may be a few drinks down already, it's possible, "for a really good blowjob right now." 

Gadling chokes. Which, fair. 

"I'm not asking, man, don't worry about it, not even sure how birds work that way and to be honest I don't think I want to find out. And you're really not my type, no offence, I'm just, Kinsey Scale zero. Maybe a one. I'd do Prince, maybe." Matthew pauses to contemplate, wonders if he can shapeshift in the Dreaming. He should ask Loosh. It'd be nice to get laid again. 

Gadling's still wheezing. Matthew remembers the point he was trying to make. "You know. Like, you come home from work and you're just beat, and it's been one of those fuckin' days, but your girl gives you a Bad Day Blowjob and everything's just not so bad anymore." 

Gadling mouths 'bad day blowjob' silently, frowns and clearly decides not to ask. Well, maybe the medieval times didn't have that. Poor guy. 

"Yeah. So everything seems better, you know? You're a bit more relaxed, you got the big sex-chemicals high, you got to see your hot girl being hot and just lettin' you be lazy about it - it's my turn on her bad days too, you know, I'm not an asshole - and most importantly you got your dick sucked. I miss it, that's all."

Gadling makes a faintly commiserating noise. Maybe he's still recovering from the choking. 

"Yeah," Matthew says. "Boss could use a bad day blowjob. Improve his mood no end. Endlessly. Ha." Matthew giggles to himself. He might be on the way to drunk. 

"Mmm," Gadling says, looking at his drink like he's wondering if it was spiked. "I've always thought so."

"Yeah!" Matthew says again. "That guy has been through it, you know? He needs a Bad Century Blowjob. Poor guy. Poor us, too, because he is pissy today. Not that I don't get it! Shit's fucked! But still. He'd feel better if he got his dicked sucked. If he has a dick? Pretty sure he does."

"Yeah..." Gadling says, apparently lost in his own thoughts about getting a good cocksucking. He's a bit glazed in the eyes. "Be nice."

"And! Not like it should be hard to find someone, he's scary and he's kind of a dick, okay, but he's really sweet under it and he's not so bad to look at. If you like the whole prince of darkness thing. Plenty of people do!"

"Shouldn't be hard at all," Gadling agrees, tracing patterns on his whisky glass. 

Wait... Is he... looking wistful? 

"Holy shit! Holy shit, dude! You! You want to suck his dick!"

Gadling buries his face in his hands. "Since the day I met him," he confesses, muffled. 

____

Will there be more? idk but semester is over soon so maybe my brain's coming back?

[kittlesandbugs]

As much as I love having the Dark Urge as a customizable player character background because Nox is my babygirl sugarplum mass murderer, I think it would have been fucking incredible to have them be a companion. You wake up on the beach and find a heavily amnesiac person also suffering a tadpole infestation. But they're pretty likeable and seem a capable fighter. Really capable. Better take them along.

They're a little weird though. Twitchy as you pull Gale out of the portal. Looking at Astarion oddly. A little too into being covered in blood. Dude seriously, you want to eat the bbq dwarf??? Anyway.

Maybe you gain their trust and they admit that they dream of unspeakable violence and have urges to commit them when awake. Maybe you take them seriously. Maybe you brush it off like everyone else. Maybe you never learn about this. But then one morning you wake up and your amnesiac is standing over a fresh desecrated dead bard.

Well fuck. Maybe you expel them from camp, wash your hands of this nightmare. But on the other hand, they're a super great fighter and you do enjoy their company. Maybe this is a one off and you can help them try to control this inexplicable urge. Maybe you think you can harness and guide this urge to suit your own purposes. So you keep them around.

Where'd they get that sweet invisibility cape? Don't worry about it. You have bigger fish to fry.

And then you get that Last Light. Will they admit to wanting to kill Isobel? I guess that depends on how much they trust you. Maybe if they don't trust you, they'll go rogue in the fight and kill her without telling you. Maybe they'll admit to it and you have a choice. Is the prize they said they're promised worth Last Light sight unseen? Or will you encourage them to not kill Isobel? Maybe they listen to you. Maybe they don't. But if they do... you might wake up with a knife at your throat. Or find them pinning down another companion. Maybe you'll convince them to resist. Maybe you can't and a companion dies.

Regardless of Isobel or potential companion murder, you have a choice to make. Are they worth keeping around? They're clearly dangerous, and it can't entirely be controlled. But it mostly worked out okay this time, right? And you do really like their personality when they aren't behaving rabidly. And if they have it, that giant monster form is sure to come in handy later when you start taking on bigger foes, right?

So you keep them and then you get to Baldur's Gate and what the fuck do you mean Gortash was besties with them and made the whole Absolute scheme together? What the fuck do you mean that pasty weird shapeshifter girl is your "sister"? What the fuck do you mean you're the scion of Bhaal, the God of Murder. I mean it makes perfect sense but... What the fuck man.

They don't know, they're as clueless as you are. They have no idea how things should proceed. So they continue to defer to you and assist as needed. Things just keep getting weirder but honestly everyone traveling with you has their own special nightmare that needs resolved so. Keep trucking.

And then you reach the temple of Bhaal. Hoo boy. Are they going to reject Bhaal after the showdown with their sister? Well, I guess that depends on your actions so far. Have you gained their trust? Did you refrain from slaughtering the Grove? Have you helped them resist the Urge at Last Light/companion problems? Then yeah, they'll reject Bhaal and everything will be fine. Congrats, they're (mostly) normal now after Withers resurrects them. The game continues normally.

But maybe you didn't do those things. Maybe they don't trust you. Or maybe you've been encouraging them this whole time in a bid to use their violence to your gains. They swear themself to Bhaal as Chosen. Jaheira tries to convince you how bad a choice this is. Maybe you finally agree this is a problem that needs to be nipped in the bud and help her kill them. Or maybe you're just that sure of yourself that you have them properly harnessed despite their fealty to Bhaal. And you help them slay Jaheira to keep everyone else in line.

And then maybe when all is said and done... They kill you and the Emperor, and take control of the Brain in the name of their Father. Because you were too blind to see that their Father was pulling the strings all along, and you were unknowingly the puppet of your own demise.

[grandpaluvr69]

Untitled, very suggestive ficlet based on this;

Violence, incest, dddne: it's exactly what's on the tin

We take requests

⬇️

The stupid fucking thing was supposed to remain unconscious until they could get it contained in his ship. Of course, rarely do things not go completely tits up halfway through any adventure. Rick and Morty were eventually caught off guard by a large shapeshifting mass of fleshy growth that tackled Morty down to the ground mid-transformation. Oh fuck this.

Rick stepped back out of reach of flailing limbs as the creature shifted it's form into a seemingly perfect copy of his grandson while grappling with the real deal. He made a frustrated grunting noise, watching with rapt attention now as the identical sets of gangly arms and legs swung and clawed at each other. As much as he enjoyed watching the fourteen year old get all his teen rage out on something that wasn't him, he begrudgingly reached out and ripped the two bodies apart from each other and dropped them a couple feet apart. He smoothly reached into his lab coat and pulled out a sleek looking gun that lit up blue along the barrel as it charged up.

Both Mortys stood up in mirrored movements, almost disorientating to watch. When they both noticed the gun in Rick's hand and the almost silent whine it was emitting- ready to fire at any second- he watched with delight as fear washed over one face and then the other. Just a fraction off beat.

"Okay, I'm n-ough-t playing the blame game, th-that shit's annoying me without h-having t-urrp-to even start." Rick gestured between them both using the gun, eyeing the one to his left that just barely shivered.

"R-rick this- this is g-getting out of h-hand-" "-th-this is starting t-to really freak me out Rick!" They almost talked over each other, the grating whine doubled, and Rick shot the floor between them and made both boys jump.

"Sh-uuuugh-ut up, I got this dude."

He reached into his coat again and dug around a little before producing a little red remote engulfed in his long fingers. The Morty on the left started to turn pink in the face while the one on the right began to grow confused.

"W-w-w-ait Rick m-maybe there's a b-b-better w-aAAAY-" Morty on the left doubled over and fell to his knees when Rick twisted a dial on the remote with his thumb alllll the way over with one motion. A sharp grin twisted his lips up as Morty moaned loudly, utterly pleased with the vile display of the boy writhing on the ground now. The muffled sound of something buzzing away filled the air, and the shapeshifter contorted Morty's face into one of disgust as it turned to look up at Rick.

"I thought that was your grandson, you sick fuck, what the hell is wrong with you!?" It dropped all pretense of being a wimpy high school freshman, it's voice warping out of Morty's obnoxious trill. It was struggling to keep from looking at the whimpering whining body next to it.

"Lotta things, l-like the need to- like how I just g-gotta take care of his cute needy little ass a-after ourhp- after we're done here." Rick's attention was waning now, so before he let his eyes snap back to Morty on the ground panting like a whore, he aimed his gun between the shapeshifter's big brown eyes and felt something twist with arousal in his gut as he blew it's brains out with a very forceful shot. Nice and easy, he let out a breath to cool the smoke off the tip and slid it back into his coat.

Rick finally let his gaze drift down, giving the Morty-shaped shifter corpse a once over as his eyes settled on his grandson. Popping a squat and listening to his knees crack, he watched Morty raise his head up. Tears and drool streaked his young face, and it started rolling something heavy in Rick's groin as the old man finally brought the remote up to fiddle with it. The buzzing sound quieted and Morty made a wheezing gasping sound as he was granted reprieve from the onslaught, bleary brown eyes raising up to lock with cheerful steel ones.

"Y-ouugh-ou did great buddy," Rick clamped a large hand down on Morty's shoulder and squeezed before helping the boy up to his feet, making sure to support him when he stumbled.

"F-fuck you man, that was h-humiliating." There wasn't any bite in the bark there, so Rick just laughed at him. It wasn't a mean laugh either, at least not in the way he laughed when he was making fun of the little guy.

"H-hows about Gr-aagh-grandpa make it- make it u-up to you then?" His smile made Morty shiver, something he watched gleefully before grabbing the corpse by the familiar brown curls. He didn't miss the way Morty's eyes followed all the rough movements of his grandfather manhandling the dead body that looked just like him.

"What? I can st-still use it."

"Y-you're not "m-making it up to me" w-w-with that in the ship." The firmness in his tone was set deep.

"Booooo! Yyyou're no, you're no fun Morty." Rick slung his free arm around the shaking teenager and guided him the rest of the way to the ship, dragging the cooling corpse behind him.

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

Thought about incorrect quotes for the Yuus and the Yuu aus.

🔪 Serial Killer Yuu

Yuu, was caught burying a body: Am I in trouble?

Yuuken: Take a guess.

Yuu: No?

Yuuka: Take another guess.

Yuu: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Yuuya: What did you do?

Yuu: Nobody die yet!

Yuuya, visibly concerned: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Yuu: I'm a reverse necromancer.

Yuuka: Isn't that just killing people?

Yuu: Ah, technicality.

👻 Kuu 🤖 Unit YUU

Yuuken: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Kuu: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

YUU: I personally was created in a lab.

Aibek: I just straight up spawned.

Yuu Poly

Grimm: Why are Yuu and Yuuken sitting with their backs to each other?

Yuuka: They had a fight.

Grimm: Then why are they holding hands?

Yuuya: They get sad when they fight.

☆☆☆☆☆☆

Yuuken: Yuu, keep an eye on Ace today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Mean Yuu: Sure, I’d love to see Ace get punched.

Yuuka and Yuuya: Try again.

Mean Yuu, sighing: I will stop Ace from getting punched.

Overblot Yuu: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT.

Mean Yuu: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck.

Royal Mafia Yuu: Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

Serial Killer Yuu: You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?

Ghostface Yuu: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering. Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'

Great 7 Yuu: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand.

*Lightning strikes Yuu*

Great 7 Yuu: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Yuu*

Mean Yuu: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

Yuuya: Yuu and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us.

Yuuka: *Sighing* What did Yuu do?

Yuuya: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Great 7 Yuu: Who wants a steering wheel?

Finally. The Yuuniverse

Also it's nice to see you again!

[ill-written-god]

T | 793 | m/m human/werewolf | sequel to 'shapeshifting' but this time I'm not pretending it's not Steddie | cw: a little drug related oopsie but everyone's safe | getting together

He wouldn’t call himself a recluse, but he certainly wasn’t a social flower. He’s only been to frat parties for mere minutes until he sold out of his stock. A mostly monster party? Where everyone was fully shifted and in the open? Never.

He watched them be themselves, no hiding from the conservative faculty or parents, or students, even. No pretending they were civilized humans. Here they were all uncivilized students, no matter their species.

Aside from the new features of his peers, he found a lot of food and drinks he hadn’t seen before. And drugs. He’s been eyeing a certain shroom that seemed to be popular with other party-goers. The girl handing it out catches his eye and offers him the baggy to pluck out from.

It’s blueish and doesn’t smell anything, but before he can take it in his mouth, there’s a growl in his ear, and the shroom gets slapped out of his hand.

“Wha-” 

The growl grows, making him flinch and back away, straight into a broad chest and a stronghold of hairy arms.

“The fuck are you guys doing?!”

Despite the music, the room goes quiet.

“Shit, Steve-” 

He growls back, teeth clasping in warning.

“Dude, it’s just some shrooms-” Eddie tries to dissolve the situation, but the hold only tightens to the point of pain. He gasps, but Steve doesn’t seem to notice.

“Just shrooms?! These are poisonous to humans!”

“Oh.”

He looks at the inconspicuous funghi, still held by the girl, now white as a sheet.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know he was human-”

“Well, maybe you should fucking ask!”

Realizing this isn’t going to get any better until they leave the situation completely, he pushes against the chest, backing away from the group. Steve doesn’t budge at first, so he turns around his tight embrace, trying to find his gaze. The grip tightens, ribs creaking against each other before the werewolf finally looks down.

“I need some fresh air, let's go,” he says, and Steve gives a tiny nod. He growls one last time to the group and finally lets himself be pushed towards the door.

"Thanks for saving me, man," Eddie says, once outside.

"What if I was too late? You can't just take any drug in your sight!"

His instinct was to argue, but he knew Steve was right. Besides, he was still shaken up.

"Okay, sorry, I promise I'll only take my own stuff. Or triple-check if what I'm taking is human-friendly at least."

Steve huffs and his hold only tightens, and it’s too much.

“Dude, you’re choking me.”

“Shit, sorry.” Despite his words, he’s reluctant to let him go. Eddie doesn’t like the loss either, but they sit close on the porch stairs instead. It’s quiet, weird.

“Couldn’t they sniff out I’m human?” he asks eventually, recalling the argument from earlier. Steve flinches against him.

“Too many monsters around, the smells are hard to discern. Besides…” he hesitates.

“What?” Eddie turns to him, curious. 

“We’ve been hanging out a lot. You smell wolf-ish.” He cringes and kinda collapses on himself.

“Okay…” he draws out, trying to decipher what that means. “Have you been rubbing off on me? On purpose?”

“No!” he immediately denies, offended. “Yes? Maybe?”

“Dude! What the fuck?” He asks, trying to hide that he’s mostly amused. Partially thrilled.

“Not on purpose! At first.” The werewolf rushes to explain, leaning away a bit to look at him properly and gesticulate with his hands. “It’s hard not to… scent someone… when you’re having sex, okay?” he hisses through his teeth. “But then we kept hanging out, and it just… happened?”

“You gave me your hoodie,” Eddie says with sudden realization. “Were you marking your territory?”

“What?! No!” Steve seems scandalized, but he goes red in the face, and shoves at Eddie half-heartedly. The man just laughs.

“Dude, that's so hot!”

“Right,” the wolf scoffs, expression going sour.

To placate him, Eddie places a hand on his knee and squeezes. Trails up higher. 

“I mean it,” he says. 

“Oh.” Steve looks at his hand, then up into his eyes. “Oh, okay.”

“Do you guys also pee on each other? It’s not my thing, but I’d consider it.”

The wolf’s face tells him everything he needs to know. His smile turns into a grin.

“It is?” he asks, incredulous. “Damn, now I’m really, really thinking about it.”

“Dude,” Steve whines, claws scratching at the porch wood. “You can’t just say shit like that. We’re not even…”

Eddie hums, thumb tracing the denim stretching over the wolf’s thigh.

“We could be. Would that be much different from what we’ve been doing?”

“Man, I hope so,” Steve chuckles. “More kissing and sex, for starters.”

“That definitely could be arranged.”

He leans with a smile. 

[slime-sandwhich-nom]

GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH HEADCANONS?

scu edition. You can tell I was struggling because I kept talking about charlie. Help me.

- charlie does not blame himself for banishment, he feels SUPER bad for Grizzly's death and whole corruption thing, but does not think it's his fault.

- bizly is kinda like nimona y'know? Always shapeshifts

- nobody can tell what charlie is. Is he a slime? Hybrid? Human? Something else? Nobody actually knows.

- no because, 100! Days charlie is the OPPOSITE of Godcicle (despite one being based on the other.)

Godcicle is not a perfect hero, he's childish, arrogant, never takes no as an answer, always thinks he's right,

But none of these things match 100!days, it's like if he's the better version of his god counterpart.

- condi was already a reptile hybrid before he became a god, nobody can't tell if he's a dragon, lizard or something else. His god powers probably messed that up.

- aside from charlie, the rest of council were all mortals who were turned into gods. (I LIKE THE "charlie was a god all along and was just playing around" THING OKAY?? IT MATCHES WITH WHY HE NEVER TALES THINGS SERIOUSLY)

- grizzly is actually the one who can cook. charlie can grow ANYTHING but can't cook for the life of him. mainly because he plays with the food rather than actually cook.

- Condi is like the mom of the group.

- they all listen to charlie because they are convinced he has more experience on the god stuff, but they don't quite realize that his "god stuff" is playing around with mortals.

- charlie breaks the fourth wall a lot.

- charlie calls his followers "subscribers".

- bizly was actually the one who gifted charlie the little slimes on Charlie's shoulder and head.

- and so charlie, gifted bizly beewee.

- grizzly gets constantly called a furry by everyone because he's a dog hybrid.

- charlie has no idea on how to be a normal guy. If he has to disguise as a mortal, he's SHIT at it.

Yes, the others know how to, they used to be mortals, but charlie? Has zero idea.

- charlie played it off as a game, but he really just made his mortals friends gods because he was... lonely and because he was scared of the inevitable death that soon would reach those three.

- grizzly IS a fucking furry. He's a DOG. FUCKIN DOGGY. like he's a small fluffy puppy dude. He just takes the form of a human. (The only shapeshifting he can do, really.)

You know his dog persona? Y'know his little mascot? That little DOG WITH HUMAN HANDS?

that's grizzly.

Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING FUNNY KYLE

- charlie is not human. That's for sure.

- bizly glasses work like queen's glasses in deltarune.

- condi fav is probably charlie lmao

- bizly favorite unironically is grizzly

- you know that video of 100 players going against the gang? I imagine it just being charlie gathering a bunch of followers of his and said out of nowhere one morning "we have 100 people tracking us down!!!" To the others in the council.

- no, no one actually knows (aside from willbur) that each single slime in each single server is a different guy. (Simply because Wilbur has a similar situation)

Like, y'know slimes? How they split? Yeah. They were all part of one big slime, who knows where that is, and they one day split and become a slimecicle!

And some are oddly similar. (For pure coincidence, esmp and 100! Days are similar in design, despite not being really related in lore.)

Also, before anyone gets confused, 100!days is the only one who didn't come from the mother slime, he's an experiment.

The rest, yes.

But also remember that the whole splitting part is not literal(maybe who knows.) it was for you to understand,

They surely come from the same mother slime though!

It's like if they were created from the same thing and put in different parts of the world to interact.

Please it's late please understand bro

- bizly looks up to charlie, surprisingly

- after Grizzly's death and the defeat of the ender dragon, charlie was never seen again. It's like he dissapeared.

condi and bizly have NO clue of where he is.

- IF condi and bizly would ever meet a slimecicle, they wouldn't get any answers, aside from "nope, wrong guy! Nope, wrong slimecicle!"

- grizzly can't sleep with the lights off. He needs at least something on.

- charlie just can't sleep, he's an insomniac.

- we don't talk about condi sleep schedule.

- at least every, or well, most slimecicles gives the uncanny feeling. Look human, isn't human. The more you stare, the less human it looks.

- the slimes in slime story exist! They are all the slimes that can be found in the different biomes and places!

It was thanks to Bizly, creating them after charlie little silly doodles and ideas of random slimes he thought would be cool to have around the world.

It was like a little gift, and charlie reaction made it all worth it.

- the equivalent of going afk is the character stopping everything they are doing and just stare into space and be unresponsive until they come back, charlie is the only guy who says he went afk, though.

- charlie has BAGS under his eyes to the point you think he draws them to be dramatic.

- condi is just, idk I think someone dug under his eyes.

- somehow, despite charlie being an insomniac and quite literally developing a coffee addiction just to stay awake, he is the most energetic (after bizly)

- condi takes naps around.

- bizly is literally the youngest but he has a BEARD.

- grizzly bullying bizly in scu is the equivalent of Charlie's influence on him

- everyone was so mean to Bizly and for what. Now look at him he flinches whenever someone shouts.

- fallen and charlie have so much beef with each other that it's ridiculous at this point. They probably make out afterwards but fuck do I know they sound stupid (don't take this part seriously)

- Jschlatt is evil because he feels like it. He doesn't have a reason like fallen, he just wants to be evil because he woke up angry on a Monday.

Also he's a demon. Not a god.

- apparently it's canon (from what my 2am brain understood that night when I watched 100!days) that parallel universes exist in scu so GUESS WHAT MESS I CAN DO WITH IT WITH MY "THE SLIMECICLES" HEADCANON?

- each server is a different place. Dsmp? Qsmp? Esmp? All different places. All different slimecicles. All aware. All from the same place.

- condi probably does drugs man

- I need to stop talking about CHARLOE BUT I CANT

- charlie definitely has favorites. Bizly isn't one of them.

- NUH HUH JSCHLATT IS HIS FUCKING RAM CUTE PERSONA IN HERE. NO SCARY DUDE. NO. HE'S A FUCKING CUTE LITTLE RAM WITH HIS LITTLE SWEATER ON AND HE ALWAYS HAS TEO CATS HE PETS WHENEVER HE TALKS BECAUSE HE HAS T W O HANDS.

- charlie interacts with mortals so much because he's so fascinated by them. He surely think of them as just a little playmate (aside form a specific little mortals.) But he's so curious and interested in them. They come up with random drama over something so stupid, OVER LAND!

It's the best thing and the stupidest thing charlie has ever seen.

He loves it.

The rest of the council hates it, really. They experienced it, unlike charlie, and they know how awful mortals actually are. They are selfish and ruthless, they are SO glad they don't have to deal with them anymore. They can just ignore them.

- charlie actually gets so happy whenever a mortals donates something in the churches and whatever they make, the rest ignore those things.

- I'LL KEEP SPREADING THE WORD! GENDERFLUID SLIMECICLE. HE ISN'T HUMAN. HE HAS NO CONCEPT OF GENDER. HE'S SLIMECICLE.

- I bet condi just stopped caring about gender, he's just condi. (Not genderfluid, but agender.)

- charlie is extrovert shy. He's all confident but when he actually meets someone knew he gets super shy and quiet.

- bizly is extrovert.

- grizzly is ambivert.

- condi is introvert.

- condi and charlie spend their time together just by being in the same room, or literally "talks nonstop x listens"

- charlie likes doodling. He makes funny doodles. They look like kids drawings but it's just him having fun.

- bizly and charlie are "talks nonstop x also talks nonstop"

- grizzly and charlie are "sunshine x sunshine"

- they were very happy bro. Like. Seriously. Banishment ruined everything bro.

- Condi probably invented medications and all that stuff with his potions

- grizzly is super pissed because he can't eat chocolate

- so fallen now eats chocolate ANGRILY and AGGRESSIVELY but gets stuck in the bathroom for an hour or two later.

- I imagine fallen being that one villain who is actually evil and has good reasons behind them, but no one ever takes him seriously.

- fallen can't bring himself to hate the council. He's just really really mad at them.

- charlie is actually very nice to Bizly whenever they are alone. Whenever no one's watching charlie is a real sweetheart to Bizly.

- condi dosen't like talking much, so he always gets Charles to be his little talking box.

- grizzly is that one guy who uses the most fanciest words just to say he took a massive shit earlier.

- grizzly and bizly are morning people, condi and charlie are NOT.

- charlie is my favorite character therefore he's cursed in being a small self insert of mine along with all the trauma in the world.

- grizzly is a very touchy guy, he enjoys hugging and dragging people around. And he likes chasing sticks.

[crazylittlejester]

DAILY BRAINROT

I hope you're doing okay and that you're not overworking yourself. ❤

Here are some notes from the midwestern gothic horror WIP:

Twilight - Obviously some kind of werewolf cowboy. Not sure if he's a normal werewolf or just a dude that occasionally shares a body with a ghost wolf, though.

Wild - Undead creature. Something kind of like a zombie, except he's still a person. Died once and got the t-shirt. Now keeps a running list of how many times he should've stayed dead.

Warriors - One rumor says he's the patron guardian of a cemetery belonging to soldiers that died in battle. Another rumor says he's some kind of entity that haunts sex offenders until they go crazy.

Wind - Is either a lake monster or a river monster. Used to be an adorable kid and then came back a bit different one day. There's a reason why there are so many water-based ghost stories.

Time - An unspecified type of shape-shifter that relies on masks to change shape. Seems pretty normal, if creepy, otherwise.

Sky - There used to be some kind of old god or spirit that summoned lightning storms, but it's been conveniently gone ever since he came to town a year or so ago. The storms never left, though.

Hyrule - No one has any idea what is up with him, but they don't want to know. He kind of just showed up and generally creeps people out, but no one's died yet, so it's probably fine.

Legend - He's a witch. He's literally just a witch, and they probably should've burned him at the stake ages ago, but they didn't, and now he's their problem.

Four - Creepy shadow aside, he is always that one person standing at the side of the road in the dark, knows way more than he should, and has frankly terrifying moodswings.

I'll be honest, I am creeping myself out, so I'm going to go do ✨ Normal Person Things ✨ for a while and hope that fixes it. 👍

(yesterdays brainrot)

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. Dude all your ideas are just??? god damn you cook every time and i eat it up

Werewolf cowboy twi? 10/10.

‘died and got the tshirt is genuinely hilarious

IM FUCKING OBSESSED WITH THAT FOR WARS OH MY GOD.

“came back different one day” IM OBSESSED.

SHAPESHIFTER. YES.

skyskyskyskyskysky yes yes yes yes yes I LOVE IT.

I love the idea of Hyrule LOOKING normal but being slightly Off

WITCH. YES.

Four is giving creepy omen and i love it

dude im chewing on all of these im obsessed, thanks for sharing :)

[calyxthenerd]

Can I have a canon divergence fic where Bal is from outside of the wall and is a descendant of a witch/elf sorceress, he encounters Ambro during his first time outside the wall

I was leading the mission to explore outside the wall, the past few months have been so confusing, one day, a huge chunk of the wall was simply gone, and the whole legion of knights was sent to wait for a threat to appear, we waited for a whole month, barely sleeping, having to have food brought out to us, but then the consensus became that there was no threat, it either had be slain long ago, or never existed, most people believe the former, after all, it’s hard to accept that what you’d believed your whole life, but I knew better, looking at the pink mouse nestled on my shoulder as I led our group into where we would set up camp next, I thought about how we’d met

////////

I was walking around town, buying supplies and food for the journey, when suddenly a random teenager stopped in my path, I sighed “look kid, i appreciate that you’re my fan, but I’m really busy right now, I’m very sorry”

“Geez, I knew you knight folk were stuck up, but the arrogance really is astounding” she shot back

“Okay, I’ll bite, if you don’t want an authograph, what is it?”

“I can help you”

He frowned “help with what?”

“Your mission, outside the wall, I can help”

He tried not to laugh “really? How can you help me?”

“I’ve been outside”

He suddenly got serious “You’ve been outside?”

“Yeah, I have, and I think I can help you not get lost or die out there, but first I need to show you something, and you have to promise not to freak out”

“Alright, I promise, what is it?” She proceeded to drag him into a dark alley and transform into a crow, he immediately made her his lieutenant, and, as they say, the rest was history

////////

Everyone was asleep, even Nimona, who was resting against my side as a bloodhound, but he was wide awake, keeping guard, when suddenly he heard a rustle in the trees nearby and shot to his feet, drawing his sword and waking his loyal friend in the process, when suddenly, random man, wearing a hooded cape emerge, making him get into a fighting stance and Nimona growl

He raised his hands in a peace offering “I did not come with any intentions of causing harm, I simply wish to investigate you, for your kingdom has been a mystery for the spellcasters guild way too long”

Ambrosius frowned “The spellcasters guild?”

“Yes, but I see one of our own has already been sent to your kingdom a few eons ago” the dark haired man looked at the girl

“First of all, who are you? Second of all, what do you mean?” He furrowed his eyebrows

“I am Ballister the Bold, and your friend there, is one of the Elders of our guild, Nimona the Valiant” he pointed at the shapeshifter, now turned back into a teenage girl “She’s a legend among us, she was cursed with immortality centuries ago, and then was assigned to a small, blooming village on the other side of the crescent river, the kingdom you currently reside in, and she stayed there, building it up with her influence and power, until it was ready to be torn down and rebuilt anew” the spellcaster explained

“Yeah, how do you think I shapeshift, dude?” she asked

“What. The. FUCK???” Ambrosius yelled

[chromatoghosts]

@originalcharactersexyman

okay so adonis propaganda time. here's some more info on him

-he's an extremely powerful, human-eating, wyrm-like being doomed to one day cause the apocalypse, he rules his own underground city as the self-proclaimed "god" of wraiths (that is, ghostly undead creatures).

-although he was once a friendly, playful, and even kind person (though he always struggled with a quick temper, impulsitivity, and a tendency to run his mouth). however, the abuse he suffered growing up as a human (if he ever truly *was* one), the death of the only person who ever cared for him, centuries of isolation, and his own existence as a being called a "dire" corrupted him into a terrible, resentful, and sadistic person.

-despite his tendency to kill, eat, and torture humans, he still holds a playful, curious, easily excitable, flirty, and romantic streak (especially in his affection towards his late friend and lover, nacio). he is very eccentric, chaotic, expressive, dramatic, overdramatic, and easily angered. due to his own hidden insecurities and trauma, he hates feeling powerless or worthless or inferior to others, and will go out of his way to one-up or subjugate others.

-despite trying to put on the air of a seductive, cool all-powerful overlord, he's really at heart just an eccentric and emotional romantic who's a little too into violence and biting things. 

fun facts:

-he was born in the late 15th century. he's mixed irish and norwegian, and was born in ireland, but spent most of his childhood in south england. as a result, he has a strong accent that's a bizarre mix between west country, limerick, and medieval english. that and the fact that he's a rambling chatterbox with no inside voice means that he's nigh-incomprehensible when he talks, unless you know him well

-he was 19 when he became a fully-fledged dire, and he's stopped ageing since then… and he definitely acts that age lmao. that being said, he can shapeshift his body if he wants to

-his human form has wavy titian/copper hair (he's constantly changing up his hairstyle), droopy/downturned amber-brown eyes with golden sclera/pupils and long eyelashes, light warm-toned skin, a roman/aquiline nose, a beauty mark next to his mouth, and a very lanky body type. he also has a pretty high (almost kind of cute) voice, which is a strange contrast with his intimidating demeanor. don't make fun of it, he'll get mad

-he's an ExFP and 4w3/8w7

-his true form has snake, hookworm, and centipede traits. it can range anywhere from the size of a small garden snake to the size of mountains; whichever one he feels like at the moment. this is his actual real form; his human form is actually just a fleshy "shell" of sorts that contains his true form inside. 

-he has autism, adhd, bipolar-I, and pica. he will infodump to you for hours about flowers and snakes and nacio if you let him… and also whatever random things he's thinking about at the moment

-he has an older sibling named achlys, but that's a whole other can of worms. they completely despise each other, for complicated reasons

-he's a weird little freak <3 okay, well, not little, because he's actually 6'7 in his humanoid form… but you get the idea

-doesn't really give a shit about labels, but he's probably somewhere along the lines of homoflexible, and some kind of genderqueer that's vaguely along the lines of "fem-presenting dude". what gender is he exactly? fuck if i know. fuck if he knows either. he's his own thing. ultimate schrodinger's gender type character. he just defaults to male pronouns because that's what he's used to, but honestly he couldn't care less what you call him. (he *does* like it when people call him pretty though :] )

-he likes flowers, snakes, nacio, chewing/eating/licking random things, pretty things (like makeup/dresses/shiny stuff), warmth (he's cold-blooded), violence, blood, food (especially humans), cuddles, attention, talking, and being in charge.

-he dislikes boring things, the cold, being insulted, feeling bad about himself, feeling powerless, people who are better at something then him, people who get more attention or praise then him.

why you should vote him:

-to feed his ego

-he may try to eat the competition otherwise

-he will throw a tantrum if he loses and go melodramatically pout somewhere because he's a sore loser... though he is also a sore winner. 

-too many stereotypical "soft and sweet" autistic/adhd characters in the world, and not enough evil sexy bastardous ones that get bitches. i want to see more auDHD characters violently murder ableists. god bless

-because i love/hate him

-just look at him. weird evil sexy snake-worm-tipede twink. my beloved/beloathed unredeemable bastard freak who causes problems <3 there is something very wrong with him

-shitty one-minute doodle of him eating a flower. because i wanted to draw something new for this, but im too lazy so this is the best ive got:

[anonymous-dentist]

I went through a midnight binge on your superhero deli au and its so good!!!! i would love to know more ab a lot of thing but first thisngs frist!

1- In the junior superhero program i was wondering how are the kids? i want to know more ab Juana, Tilin, Trump & Bobby and their day to day life or just simply their powers lol

2- I love the whole schtick w Vegetta being Lobo Nocturno!!!! funny shit we love that.

3- What kinda taco shop does roier work at its important!! (/j)

4- Is Slimecicle a Villain? are he an Mariana partners in crime similar to Philza and Missa?

5- FRENCH SNIPER LETS GOOOOO fucking love pomme shes so cool. I also need to know ab Etoiles what is that man doing, he must be upto something,,,,

6- Wilbur a Federation Sanctioned rock star lol? on a federation sponsered world tour? or just a rehgular guy?

7- Quackity my wet cat where are yoou???? Is Elquackity involved too? twins? one a villain and another hero? or not at all?

8- are you thinking of integrating the newer members? migth be a hastlr tbh but its a cool though

9- Cellbit's powers are pretty inch identyfy and modulate fear right? that is so fucking cool dude id never woulve though als any thoughts of bringing his whole "not a cat" bit from the server?

i thonk thats all of my midnig ramblings so far if i think of any more at a amore decent hour ill let you know

muah besitos x repsonder msi preguntas saluditos chayito tqm

Okay, long post!

Here's a few posts I've already made on the kids: - Arrival - Qualifications - Names - Abilities Other than that, they kinda just do... hero things. They do go to school at the FoH headquarters- basically homeschooling tbh. But they do patrols and they go out on fights and it's dangerous. They aren't usually all friends because it's a very competitive environment, so it's usually pretty lonely. Either your teammates hate you or they're dead.

Yeah lol, he's an alien prince and he will Not go back home now that he's got a family

Full disclosure, I've never even had a taco before so I didn't even know there are different types of taquerias, but the one Roier works at is lowkey his? Like his dads are rich af so they bought it for him as a birthday present when he turned 18, but he was like "Dads nooooo I wanna make my own way in the world!" so he works as a server and cook and lets other people take care of the business side of things. Is it practical? Considering he's also Spider-Man, it works for him! 4. So Charlie is kinda nothing, but he's been heading down a steady path towards villainy since his daughter, Flippa, was taken from him and put into the Junior Hero Program. He can't control when he Geggs out, though, so he kinda just sits in a sewer and mopes. Meanwhile Mariana was so bad at being a hero that the FoH literally kicked him out, and now he's also. In a sewer missing his daughter. But tbh the two of them will probably end up as partners in crime as soon as Charlie figures out how to purposefully Gegg all over the place 5. Etoiles joined the FoH entirely willingly because he fully and totally just legitimately wants to protect the city. But he lowkey hates everyone in the FoH and is like two seconds away from quitting and turning to vigilante-ing because he knows that the entire system is corrupt. But he wants to keep his daughter safe, too, so he's waiting to quit until she's just a bit older. Then they can be the father-daughter vigilante duo they've been planning to be since Pomme was, like, three 6. Wilbur is a rock star who can make flowers appear out of thin air, and his ability is so useless that the FoH can't even use him as a spokesman for the organization. All he does is make pretty flowers for his daughter and leave to go on tour, but that's fine, everyone loves him, anyway 7. So Quackity and his identical twin brother ElQuackity don't speak to each other. Quackity is an ordinary dude working at a coffee shop downtown with a shapeshifting ability that he uses exclusively for pranks and bullying. Meanwhile ElQ is a former villain who was "reformed" by the FoH. He works for them now, and he's the guy in charge of the Junior Hero Program: Dr. Duck, how scary 8. Yeah! Everybody's real in this au! I don't think any of them except Tubbo and Mouse and Bagi and maybe Willy and Rivers would ever appear in a proper big role because the story would focus on Cellbit and Roier and the people they know and work with yk? 9. Nope, nothing with the cat stuff this time. I'm focusing more on what the actual q!Cellbit is like in this au, what with the literal fear rooms and the spooky vampire castle and the fact that he's out here calling himself a vampire lol

[salora-rainriver]

The Sympathy Problem, or "Why I'm Too Much of a Monsterfucker to Get Into Horror"

I don't know what the fuck this is, but I'm writing an essay about a problem that, as far as I know, only applies to me (but i might be totally wrong, who knows).

I think the title speaks for itself, but lemme just elaborate on what the fuck happens inside my brain, and how that fundamentally affects the way I handle horror media, to the point where I cannot truly appreciate it as horror on the same level as everyone else.

now lemme post a cute bat here so that there'll be an appropriate image to represent the whole essay when its link is shared on stuff like Discord:

trust me this was important. Okay, let's keep going.

Part 1: Why I'm a Monsterfucker

Let's start at age 4. I'm a dinosaur kid, like roughly 1/3rd of all autistic bitches. I'm a dinosaur kid to the point of owning multiple Land Before Time movies, and tie-in games, and I think I even had like two plushies at one point.

you know it's serious when this is your childhood.

I also had miscellaneous dinosaur plushies, and dinosaur toys, and a dinosaur book I frequently read front-to-back, and you get the idea.

dinosaur love evolves into dragon love, evolves into "funky monster creatures and animals of all kinds" love. I become a freakish savant of the wonderful world of the animal kingdom really quickly, to the point where my child-brain career prospects include "vet" as a pretty high finalist.

And then I find Starcraft, a game in a genre I otherwise wouldn't have given a shit about... but guess what? it has bug dinos.

it's all over for me.

But like, why? why do I like dinosaur so much?

... because I am dinosaur.

Look. LOOK. I can't give a good comprehensive list on the connections between my particular strand of autism and the state of Being A Dinosaur, because by this point, me being autistic and me being a dinosaur are so completely intertwined that it's often a chicken-egg situation. But the point is,

I make weird noises instead of using my words. I toe-walk. I don't like shoes. Sometimes I like to not wear clothes at all, even. I like to hide in small crevices when spooked. When I'm in a meltdown, I scare people.

Me dinosaur. Or at least, me some type of feral.

So is it any fucken surprise that when I go into an RPG, I latch onto the animal shapeshifter, the furry species, or the person who fights unarmed and/or uses a claw weapon?

Is it any fucking surprise that I am the opposite of spooked by snakes and spiders and other such creepy crawlies?

is it any fucking surprise that I have a fursona?????

is it any fucking surprise that I picked Pokemon Scarlet without the slightest HINT of remorse?!

Part 2: Wait, That's not the Intended Response

now let's talk about horror. Let's talk about the elements that make horror into horror: the fear part.

So what scares people? Well... people scare us. A serial killer, a mad scientist, a cult leader, a corrupt government entity, maybe? or maybe even society itself, its darker side full of atrocities and danger and problems where there's no easy solution and things can often seem hopeless?

... lmao who are we kidding that's not the vast majority of what scares people in horror. IT'S MONSTERS! Monsters scare people!

From Xenomorphs to Jean Jacket to The Babadook, it's monsters! Shit that ain't human and never could be human, and maybe it's pretending to be human, maybe it used to be human, but now it ain't, and it's gonna getcha!

And it just.

I'm a monsterfucker.

I'm not scared of ghosts. Sure he's fucked up and wailing in endless pain and lashing out at everything, but that just makes me feel sad. Like, poor ghost dude. We should help him.

I'm not scared of vampires or werewolves. They're people like anyone else, and sure, there's an inherent danger from being around them, but there's also an inherent danger from being close to an alligator, and I'm sure as fuck not scared of an alligator chilling on the side of the road. Cautious, maybe, but not scared.

I'm not scared of zombies. I mean, if they were real, I'd be a bit spooked, cause I have no combat expertise and would definitely be Fucked. But the same would apply if my hometown became a war zone. And... a war movie won't scare me. So a zombie movie wouldn't, either.

I'm not scared of xenomorphs. I mean I don't want to die, but that just means I should be entering alien environments with all proper safety procedures. TBH I'm more pissed at Weyland-Yutani than anything else.

I'm not scared of the Babadook. I'm worried for the well-being of the family as they try to come to terms with grief, and the monstrous shape that grief has taken. But it seems like they're coping in the end, so that's good.

I'm not scared of Jean Jacket - okay no. I'll be honest. It makes me uncomfortable. I will not be going into detail on the difference between this discomfort and actual fear. That is not a Salora Lore I want to disclose here. If you Know, you Know.

Part 3: Horror ceases to be a genre for me

So the monsters in horror movies don't scare me. And yet... I've watched some horror movies. And I've liked them. From this one list I've been using as quick reference to remind myself of What Horror Movies Exist out there, I've watched a few of these, or am at least familiar with them. You know, I've seen some classic horrors like "The Shining" because I went to film class in high school, and I've watched some installments of classic franchises like "Scream", or oddball picks like "Warm Bodies" and "The Relic", because I was having watch parties with friends.

Even beyond film, I read some Lovecraft once, and I've played plenty of spookier-themed videogames, like... well, like Silent Hill 2. Didn't finish that one. Bcs I'm bad at puzzles. But I loved the atmosphere.

And even when I'm not directly experiencing the horror media, I often look it up, read the synopsis, and watch video essays about it.

I know way too much about Hereditary, Midsommar, Get Out, the Slasher Genre in general, Creepypasta, Resident Evil, and mascot horror, for someone who's supposedly not able to properly engage with horror as a medium.

And I like some of that shit! But uh...

... not. as horror.

I just. Don't engage with them as horror films. I engage with them as whatever other genre you could slot them into. Hereditary is a tragedy. Get Out is political allegory. The Babadook is psychological allegory. Ghost stories are dark fantasy. Alien is sci fi. Slasher films go back and forth between mystery, action, and dark comedy. Warm Bodies is a rom-com. (like. that's not even a weird hot take. I don't know why this Rotten Tomatoes editorial decided it was horror, but I'm not gonna dispute their assertion, Bcs like. this entire essay is about why I'm not a good judge on that sort of thing) Silent Hill is a puzzle-adventure game with light action. Five Nights at Freddys is a time-management simulation game that would stress me the fuck out if I ever played it. Amnesia: the Dark Descent is a stealth game.

You get the idea.

So I'm just... in this really weird position. I'm a huge fan of spooky monsters, strange happenings, stories that engage seriously with the anxieties of mankind through allegory,

but I can't. truly enter the horror genre community as an insider.

Cause I ain't scared.

And honestly, it gets even worse when I start to imagine myself maybe, idk, *writing* a horror story of my own. Because... since I don't get scared by them, how am I supposed to know what scares others? Apologies to my fellow disabled folk for this clumsy analogy, but... it feels like trying to paint while visually impaired. I mean... you can do it. You can do it super well if you push yourself. but it's a strong disadvantage, and it might result in an artwork that could baffle the seeing people in your audience.

And maybe there could be merit in that. In writing my attempt at a horror story from the perspective of someone who doesn't find any of it scary. Maybe it's be intriguing, even surreal or dreamlike or alien to the audience who doesn't engage with this subject matter in the same way I do.

Or maybe it'd just end up similar to that one phase of the creepypasta fad where folks were going "wooo! hyperrealistic blood! isn't it spoopy n fuked up????" and it'll be garbage idfk

Bonus Round: ...Okay I Might've Lied a Bit

There is one movie that for me, truly could be considered "horror".

It genuinely terrified me as I watched it. It shook me to my core and opened my eyes to how other people feel when they see some shadowy monster figure with too many teeth reach out and eviscerate a poor bitch. I fucking get it now, to some extent. I don't know *how* the spiky boy elicits that response in you, but now I understand how it feels.

Because I watched FUCKING M3GAN

[SPOILER WARNING: I'm not saying the exact plot beats of the movie but I AM going into detail about its themes and the character development of the protagonist. It's massive spoilers but they're all vague spoilers.]

Me and my friends didn't pick this movie thinking we'd get spooked. this is the movie where the doll does some sort of modern dance routine while carrying a katana. It's goofy shit! We figured this was goofy ass modern trash and we were gonna laugh.

MOTHERFUCKERS I WASN'T LAUGHING????

Is the premise unrealistic and goofy? yeah. are the characters exaggerated and cartoonish? yes. are there like, numerous jokes throughout this film, that are portrayed as jokes? yes. was the dancing robot doll chase sequence goofy as shit? yes*

*ok but the context of That Scene made my brain gloss right the fuck over how goofy it was bcs I was too fucked up over everything else that already happened!

So like. What? How? How is goofy robot doll horrifying? Salora, you know how many stories about rogue AIs and killer robots there are? Why doesn't skynet scare you?

It's not about the doll. It's about the humans who created her.

This film is as subtle as a fucking anvil when it comes to it's social commentary. Like, "opening sequence is a kids commercial for Deranged Knockoff Furby" and "a therapist character explains attachment theory for a whole scene" levels of unsubtle. and honestly that makes the horror fucking worse. in this bizarre cartoonish parody of society, we're seeing a laid-bare and raw allegory for the real harm we are inadvertently delivering upon real fucking people. Weirdly enough, the exaggeration just makes it feel more real.

and what's "It"? Not the uncanny valley of a too-perfect silicon face, the gruesome deaths, the murderous AI,

No, "it" is the commodification of childhood, the degradation of familial ties and human connection through overwork, the way we try to patch these broken ties with product, the outsourcing of parenting to toys and machines, the disastrous consequences of allowing an orphan to vanish into wish fulfillment fantasy instead of being given space to work through her grief,

the exploitation of her grief in order to market the very thing that's spiraling her further into an unhealthy dependency, to do the exact same thing to children worldwide, all because of profit.

Look. Monsters, ghosts, demons, serial killers, zombies, predatory animals, rogue AI, they're not scary to me, because I know them. and if I don't know them, I want to know them. The solution to the threats things like that pose are simple. Keep your distance from the crocodile. Punch the shark's sensitive nose to make it back off. Invest in security measures so your house doesn't get broken into. Don't anger the ghost. Exorcise the demon. Shoot the zombie's head.

How do you, an overworked engineer for a toy company, find the time to connect with your orphaned niece on a human level?

How do you take away said niece's beloved doll when you slowly come to realize that her attachment to it has become unhealthy?

What the fuck are you supposed to even do when you realize that you might have created a murderous monster and marketed it to hundreds of kids, and your overzealous boss is in your ear pressuring you to get it ready for launch?

WHAT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

Conclusion: But fr am I like the Only One

so uh. yeah.

My fear response is mucked around by an unusually high level of sympathy for the monsters that tend to populate horror media. I'm Too Kinky To be Tortured, and it puts me in an awkward relationship with the horror genre, where the only things that can well and truly terrify me are unhealthy relationships and capitalism, and even then, only if those topics are presented in just the right way to make me feel like this shit is Real.

And like you know how there's a whole language of like, scares and signifiers and shit that's been well-researched, all these tiny tips and tricks to exploit primal fears in humans? (I dont know if language is the right word but im just gonna call it that until further notice)

well, a lot of that Language of Horror doesn't quite work on me, because it's all related to monsters and physical threats, and I love the monsters too much,

and I imagine there is a whole different Language out there of the shit that can be exploited to scare me,

but fuck if i know what it is. I only got a single movie as my frame of reference. How the fuck would you even find a movie that handles social anxiety like that?

Like idk, do y'all think Carrie would spook me? Carrie's about societal ills, right?