#fucking insane my brain is posessed

[undeadboyfriendsupportgroup]

MARTIN BLACKWOOD IS A JEALOUS MAN... And Tim loves it (as he should)

[todayisafridaynight]

making all of you read this cute arasawa fic right now about jo and ichi's tattoos this isn't a request it's a demand

[himbybimbybimbo]

Insane

[kerubimcrepin]

The Big Joris Physiology Post

Aka Liveblog - Dofus, livre 1 : Julith [PART 15]

This is the true most important moment of the entire movie because this is all of us @ Khan and Bakara.

Anyway, judging from his reaction, at this point, I would wager that Joris knows what sex is. As one of the Funny Jokes of the movie will imply in a few minutes, he has started puberty. While Kerubim is, at all times, irresponsible, maybe, just maybe, he decided to, just this once, be normal, and inform Joris of what is occurring.

The more realistic scenario is that Joris read about it in a book. And it was probably not an encyclopedia or anything age appropriate. He probably still doesn't even know what a puberty is. Tragic.

His father died. And they're trying to jump one another's bones.

I would literally just die.

Here's a list of all the things the Joris Puberty Joke implies:

As I've said, it's likely that Kerubim once again neglected him: Joris has no idea what this means, or that this might be an inappropriate thing to say.

Joris is growing up at a normal human rate, and will be physically an adult at the age one would expect him to be an adult.

Growing up is the maturation of an organism, while growing old is its slow and natural decline due to cell degradation. For this reason, it is logical to me that as a child, he is still aging normally. This might mean that Joris's cell degradation is that akin to a dragon: either entirely absent, or significantly slowed.

While it's obvious that his short stature is not due to his aging issues, it would mean that, just like with his skin and hair, the dragon posession messes with his hormonal levels. What I'm saying is that Grougalorasalar gave him fucking growth hormone deficiency?? If the guy messed with Joris's pituitary gland, then that means he probably messed with his entire brain.

I would assume it is likely that he messed with his cognitive functions. Without Grougalorasalar, Joris would literally be a different person with a different temper. And that's kind of haunting.

Joris being bald his whole life, but suddenly growing some hair down there, also means that the fucker gave him alopecia totalis. AND made him a scalie. What!!!

On the topic of growth hormone deficency, btw..,,..

New Joris childhood headcanon dropped. What if,,,. Can you see my vision here? Yeahg.

(No wonder Kerubim is fucking insane as a father. 'Salar's presence probably made Joris a very sickly baby, because his body just couldn't handle it until he was older.)

Scales...

Considering he is not usually covered in them, I assume that he does not moult like a lizard, and that they are, in a way, akin to invasive growths that hurt/itch a little. Kinda like acne.

[loveireandblog]

I said to him if he had an exam he was doing the nszt day absolutely fucking nothing would have me come into his room n try n wake him up for an issue. Nothing.

And yet after a day of being completely numb, extremely sleepy and I think I have a cold so just insanely fatigued ...and my friend is coming round tomorrow. And I am stressed out of my mind bc I did indeed try to kill myself 2 months ago and this feels like I'm doing something that'll anchor me in w life yk like an active choice to See. A. Friend.

And I fell asleep at 1am which is unheard of when I usually sleep at 7am...........like I kind of was just so numb I deactivated lol and fell asleep. Probs my brain tryna protect me for tomorrow. Make sure things r restorative

What does he do? Wakes me up.

He fucking wakes me up. Its half 6am and I can't sleep. Because I am thinking now. I fell asleep but I was woken up and now my mind won't stop racing

What the FUCK POSESSES SOMEONE TO DO THAT? I LOOK AT THE CLOCK AND IM IN COMPLETE SHOCK ITS HALF 6 AND IM SO AWAKE . WE WERE DOING SO WELL TODAY. I Can't fucking believe it

[homoshoebill]

hello amphibia enjoyers I'M LOSING MY MIND OVER THAT EPISODE WHAT THE FUUUCCKKKKK

[dollystuartwrites]

Not Holding Back - Chapter 12

Pairing: Boss!JacksonWang x f!PersonalAssistant!reader

Genre: fluff, smut, obsessive behavior, Jackson-is-a-fashion-designerAU

Wordcount: 1904

Chapters: [1] - [2] - [3] - [4] - [5] - [6] - [7] - [8] - [9] - [10] - [11] - [12] - [13] - [?]  MASTERLIST

Summary: When Y/N starts working as a personal assistant for the director of TEAM WANG DESIGN: Jackson Wang himself, she finds it hard to hide her secret. After all, she used to be a massive stan of her boss! But she's not the only one holding back...

Warnings: Swearing, some angst, degradation, sir kink, namecalling,  masturbation, obsessive!Jackson, dirty talk, corruption kink?, praising, sexual fantasies, fingering, posessive!Jackson, grinding/humping by both parties, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, use of sex toys, lots of teasing, orgasm denial, breeding/impreg kink?, WILL ADD MORE AS STORY ADVANCES, PLEASE LMK IF I MISSED ANY

That night he didn't contact you either.

Nor did you speak to him at work the next day.

Day by day passed without you speaking to him. Sure he'd send you emails of things he needed you to do for him, but they were always short and formal. And whenever you needed to take something out of his office or bring something back, he wasn't there.

With every passing day, the events of that Sunday were starting to feel more and more unreal.

It didn't help that you were absolutely fucking craving for him. His touch, his attention, his kiss, his voice, his eyes... At this point, you'd just be happy to see him wave at you.

Your mind kept replying to the events of Sunday, trying to find a fault in something you had done or said, any reason why he was ghosting you right now. But whenever that happened your brain just got stuck in the heated part, leaving you horny and even more needy for him.

It was driving you insane.

By the time it was Thursday, you had turned into a miserable mess of despair and craving. You felt exhausted and even Elisabeth started to notice that there was something wrong.

'Erm, Y/n,' she said Thursday afternoon. You looked up from your desk to her.

'You were supposed to send this to the client, but you send it to me,' she said, a light crease between her eyes.

'Oh right,' you said feeling stupid.

'And I think you also might wanna change Mr. Espresso to Mr. Ereppos. The man is Latin, not a coffee,' she added.

You sighed and nodded.

'Yo, Y/n, Elisabeth,' Jay B came looking around the corner a few hours later.

The two of you looked up at him.

'I just ran into Seunie, he needs you both in his office,' he said with a nod and a smile.

'Be right there,' Elisabeth answered instantly as she typed something in quickly on her computer and got up.

Jay B nodded and left.

Your heart had started pounding and your legs felt like lead as you got up too.

He wanted the two of you in his office.

Why?

Had you done something wrong?

But Jay B smiled, so it couldn't be that bad.

But maybe he didn't know what it was about.

Chewing nervously on your lip you and Elisabeth made your way to Jackson's office. Elisabeth didn't seem at all bothered by the sudden call. She walked her usual elegant walk and looked quite calm.

As soon as you step into his office it felt like you got hit by a truck again. The perfect contours of his face just seemed overwhelming.

'Ah great, you're here,' he said when he saw the two of you come in. He seemed calm too, not at all bothered by your appearance as you were by his.

'You called,' Elisabeth said jokingly.

'Yeah, Elisabeth, you speak a little Dutch right?' Jackson asked her.

'Dutch yes, not German. Don't get those mixed up,' Elisabeth said with a raised eyebrow.

'Yeah, I meant Dutch. How well do you speak it?' he asked.

'Pretty well, I mean, my mom is Chinese but my dad is Dutch and we used to speak more Dutch at home than Chinese,' Elisabeth said shrugging.

'Do you think you'll be able to talk to a potential client in Dutch?' Jackson asked.

'Yeah, I think I should be alright. And the Dutch a pretty well versed in English so I'll think it'll be fine,' Elisabeth answered.

'Good. I've been contacted by a Mrs. Jansen and she's interested. Can you reach out to her by e-mail and make an appointment with her as soon as possible?' Jackson instructed.

Elisabeth nodded. 'Sure, anything else?'

'Hmm,' he said looking at his watch. 'It's fine. It's almost 6 so feel free to leave it 'till tomorrow. You all worked hard today,' Jackson said friendly.

'Sure, see you tomorrow then,' Elisabeth said and she turned around and walked towards the door. You followed her.

'Y/n, can you spare me a minute?' Jackson said calmly before you reached the door.

You stopped and turned around. You could hear the door close behind you, Elisabeth had left.

Your heart was pounding so hard, you were sure he could hear it. You didn't know where to look or how to look at him.

'Come here,' he said. His voice had changed. It wasn't calm as calm anymore and it seemed to have dropped in pitch.

You walked to his desk, stopping at the other side of it but not looking at him.

You heard footsteps and you knew he had walked around the desk to come and stand next to you.

'Look at me baby,' his husky voice said softly as he used his finger to lift your chin up to face him. There was a sparkle in his eyes and the corners of his mouth were turned upwards.

'I'm sorry I've had so little time for you this week, but you know how busy I've been,' he spoke. You knew he meant it but didn't reply.

'Are you mad at me?' He asked you, a small frown on his face.

You shook your head.

'You have the right to be though. I would be pissed if you'd ghost me like that all week,' he admitted. He let his hand stroke your cheek and you closed your eyes at his touch.

'Hmm so good for me,' he hummed.

'Jackson' his name rolled of your tongue without your consent.

'Yes, baby?' he spoke, his voice in your ear, his warm breath on your skin making you shiver.

You let out a deep sigh and opened your eyes slightly.

His face was close to yours and his eyes were partially hooded. His lips moved towards yours and your opened your mouth for him. But he only brushed his lips over yours softly and momentarily. Hungry for his kiss you tried to move with him, but he pulled back slightly, a playful grin on his face. He dipped in once more, brushing his lips over yours, breathing into your mouth, but not really kissing you.

'Jackson,' this time his name sounded like an actual moan.

'Tell me what you want baby,' he whispered.

'Kiss me,' you said instantly, your hands finding his and intertwining.

'Say please,' he taunted. You weren't in for games right now. You needed him.

'Please,' you breathed, instantly giving in. Jackson finally pressed his lips against yours and it felt like your heart was swelling up like a balloon. One of his hands slid upwards to cup your face, as the other stayed fingers intertwined with yours.

He kissed you slowly, lazily, deeply this time. Although not as hungrily as before, it was still enough to start a pooling in your panties.

You let go of his hand and started fumbling at his pants wanting to undo the belt. Jackson groaned into your mouth and pulled back.

'So eager for me,' he said lowly. You mewled in frustration and he chuckled. 'I know you just can't wait for me to fill you up good,' he spoke the words slowly, 'but you have to earn it,'

You were feeling frustrated and angry. You were horny as fuck and had been clenching around nothing for almost a week. You had behaved and not contacted him or bothered him at all. You had even done all your work and corrected every little mistake you made almost instantly. How had you not earned this?

You let go of his pants and stared at him angrily.

'I know you're pissed off baby, but I got a gift for you,' he said mysteriously. You couldn't help but be interested.

'I bought you something nice, and I want you to wear it to work for me tomorrow. If you do, I promise you, I will reward you,' he spoke. From his pocket, he took a small square box. It was dark velvet red, with a ribbon tied around it. You took it from him and went to open it but he stopped you again.

'Open it when you get home, okay?' he said kissing you on your cheek.

You looked at him questioning but he just smiled cheekily at you.

You had rushed home as fast as you could. Jackson's gift seemed to  burn in your bag and you quickly threw yourself and the bag on your bed.  

Sitting on your knees on the bed, you took out the small box like it was some sort of holy grail.

With shaking hands, you opened it.

Your mouth fell open.

It was not at all what you had expected.

You  recognized the round oblong shape immediately. It was a soft pink color  that stood out sweetly and innocently against the dark red velvet of  the box.

Your mouth suddenly felt very dry, and you swallowed.

Carefully  you took the sex toy out of the box. Although not a full-on dildo, it was still bigger than any bullet toy you had owned before.

For a moment you just sat there staring at the ty in your hand. Then you realized something.

He wanted you to wear this...

To work...

He had to be crazy, insane.

How would you be able to work with your pussy filled up like that? And even worse, knowing that he would know you'd be wearing it for him.

Did he want you to make mistakes while working? Did he want you to ruin his company?

No, you wouldn't do it. Fuck any reward he'd give you, this was insane. You simply couldn't...

xxx

'Goodmorning Y/n,' Jay B said friendly as you walked into the office.

'What? Oh yes, g-good morning,' you said jumpily.

'Already with your head into work I see,' he laughed.

'Yeah,'  you smiled slightly uncomfortable as you went on your way. You could feel the toy shifting inside you, pressing against your walls in a spot that made your knees jittery.

You had just sat down in your office and were readjusting your position hoping to shift the toy inside you to a place where you wouldn't feel it as much when Elisabeth came in.

'Good morning,' she said in her usual cheerful way. You smiled and nodded at her and quickly stopped squirming on your chair, hoping she hadn't seen.

You opened your email and read the first new email. You had barely gotten through it when the door opened again.

It was Jackson. Your heart stopped.

'Goodmorning ladies,' he said smiling politely. You both greeted him. 'Elisabeth, don't forget that Dutch client Mrs. Jansen,' he reminded her.

'On it,' she nodded curtly.

Then suddenly something happened. Inside of you, the thing had started vibrating softly. Filled with shock and terror you straightened your back and looked at Jackson. It took only a second but it was enough. He glanced at you, his eyes mischievous, and his hand moved in an odd way. He was holding something small. Concealing it in the palm of his hand.

'Oh and don't forget we have like three meetings today,' he reminded her casually.

'Jia'er, how long have I been working here?' Elisabeth said with a dead stare and annoyed tone.

'I was just saying,' Jackson shrugged, putting his free hand up in defense. 'Oh, and Y/n,' he began, he turned to you now, his back to Elisabeth. His eyes were shining and his lips curled.

'I want you to attend all of the meetings too,' he said simply. You couldn't answer.

His closed fist spasmed.

The toy inside you started vibrating a little harder.

'See you in ten minutes then,' he said plainly before walking out.

It was clear.

Jackson Wang was insane.

[apparentlyaswarmofbees]

I've been asking around this one question for a few people now, because I like hearing what people have to say about it...

So I wouldn't mind it if you shared a list on who's your favourite (from Most to Least) from the Obey Me! Crew (Brothers & Formally Undatables)...

Also, please feel free to ramble on about why you placed them in each space...

O-oh dear-

First off, you spoil an infodumper like me too much lol (I am happy sfjsjjdjn) and I am going to go overboard (and changing the order of things) for my own pleasure.

And so...

Second off...

Gladly

Here is My List of LEAST to MOST Favorite of The Obey Me Boys ^^

That I just did on spot because I didn't have one ready because it's hard for me to rate the characters as they all have their traits and even their flaws add something good to the character but I'll be dammed if I don't enjoy deep frying my brain for fun.

Please take note I am taking this literally and all characters in here are FAVORITES, just some will be more and some less, which mean I LIKE ALL OF THEM. Yes, I have changed my opinion on a certain two characters I have said to not like, and I am not ashamed to say I was incorrect.

So let's start this off with the right foot shall we?

#12 | Diavolo

He is still infuriating I won't deny that. And I won't pity him though he is a tragic character that is so lonely he overrates any kind of affection, that doesn't know how to interact with others without exagerating, that has no one to give an oposing opinion because of his status and so it's increasingly hard for him to learn to make good decisions, and with his goal to unite the realms I could almost say he is naive. He's a bit of a puppy always wanting some pets, but as a not dog person, I don't have enough in me to be always playing, so to me an overly needy puppy can end up getting annoying, though of course, I can't help it but at least give it a few pets before going my way.

.

#11 | Simeon

Yes in the end I actually liked him all along but was just in denial after I thought about it. Simeon is a good character, he's a dick even though he's an angel and he doesn't bother to be any different, he definetelly has his own set of rules he follows and I believe he would be a Chaotic Good just like me. He's well made. And as much as he is pretty unlikeable, the mystery, the questions, the fact that he has always been the same we just didn't get to interact with him much to see it, to have a naturally asshole character put down some of his walls to help us even if part out of possible self interest. And of course he's also fun. Simeon is charming, and I have come to appreciate all of him.

.

#10 | Luke

A kid. A brat and a tsundere. I Absolutely love the character development and it's extremelly adorable. He's now officially our guardian angel and I love that. He was just a prick that I rolled my eyes so hard whenever I encountered him in the game and now he's just a lil' bratty brother that is fun to tease and squish the cheeks off. He's a really nice kid in the end, just previously ignorant, but still nice because he was willing to learn and change despise saying he didn't want to. I personally can understand Luke as I was pretty alike as a kid. Again, he's a nice kid I would gladly buy some balloons and cotton candy for.

.

#9 | Barbatos

The number 1 buttler, he's just, a good dude l o l. He has his distance from everyone due to his position but that doesn't make him any less interesting. He is mysterious and powerful and yet he feels, so chill. He's also fun and actually has a pretty soft personality in which he knows exactly when to switch off to strict. He's a character I respect and wish existed in real life so I could be friends with (╥﹏╥).

.

#8 | Solomon

Shady sorcerer is actually a pretty good guy though mildly insane. He is actually responsable (and takes it pretty seriously seeing he's basically the representative of the human realm). He's kind though again, mildly insane, and diligent. He may have terrible food but the fact he does it with good intentions is pretty adorable, he just likes to follow his instincts and be spontaneous because he likes new and exciting things. He probably has quite a bit of angst to him due to his not only immortality in not aging but also by not being able to be killed but even so it feels that, contrary to how many human immortals end, he still hasn't lost the light in his eyes and can still enjoy things and enjoy being alive, and that is most likely thanks to other immortal/long living beings such as demons.

.

#7 | Lucifer

Yep. Lucifer is actually a really fucking great character, he's fond of his family, hard worker to the point of destroying himself, self punisher, elegant, pretty af, cute at times. But not exactly my most favorable cup of tea. Seeing I can see through his bullshit all his posessiveness, all his pettiness, all his actions just becomes ridiculous and annoying. And theres also a problem with the fact we always end up submiting to him, I don't want that. For every time he disrespects me I want him to kneel and kiss my feet. His pride collides with my own, and his decisions do too. But even so he is very reliable and so he has my respect for that, I do want to hug him and tell him he deserves nice things and that he can rest now this is not the war anymore you don't have to bow down to anyone anymore you didn't doom your brothers but freed them instead, but then again he makes bad decisions because he has zero braincells for emotional intelligence and that pisses me off and makes me just want to yeet him off a cliff. Yeah Lucifer, I would gladly kick you in the balls with ♡°.•love•.°♡.

.

#6 | Leviathan

Surprising is it not? But it's true, I often focus on Levi due to him not only being pretty alike to me but also because he's related to many things I have been familiar with since I was born: animes and games. His anxiousness is relatable, the outcastness is relatable, the awkwardness is relatable, the obsession is relatable, the references are relatable, the infodumping is relatable. He's very relatable to me, but not my most favorite, and all because of his envy. He's a guilt tripper, and though I am long immune to it in real life due to extreme exposure to it from my family, it still is enough for his rank to go down. I still love him though, but mostly as the character that represents the thing I am most familiar with in life: myself.

.

#5 | Beelzebub

Big puppy, he's the type of guy who will talk to plants. He has big and strong hands that could crush anything and yet he will do his best to handle some things gently. He's chill and non judgemental, loyal to the core. Once you win him over, you win him over, he would die for you. He is purposely childish at times and it's cute. He is amazing. I wish I could enjoy eating like he does. He's the only character I truly feel hurt for, as he is deeply inflicted by survivor's guilt and it just pains me I can't comfort him because he isn't real ಥ‿ಥ

.

#4 | Belphegor

Hoh boy. The brat. The fandom itself is pretty divided on their liking of Belphie and it's understandable lol. But I personally understand Belphie. To hide hurt behind anger, hate and spite, to turn to agression to prove a point but you end up just fucking up. But the guilt and wish to fix things can lead one to giving themselves up, and so it becomes a constant battle of getting close but not too close for the sake of both parties involved. I get this boy more than I wish I ever did, and that's why he's high on the ranking. And because he's cute ngl.

.

#3 | Satan

H o h b o y, another one that reminds me of myself, only it's the aftermath of the above where one bottles up all their negative feelings because being emotional is not being rational and who the fuck even wants to not be rational. Where you have no fucking idea who you are because all you know is to stomp your feet and scream for the sake of making an statement but that just proved all your enemies a point so now you turn to smarts to prove yourself. To make others angry, to make them frustrated and infuriated with your knowledge because you want to prove yourself, be reconized for who you are, to be someone and also, hopefully, change other people's ways, to make them understand they are wrong because you deep down actually want to get along with them. Yeah, Satan is high on the list, and it's also because he likes detectives uwu.

.

#2 | Asmodeus

What a fucking icon he is I love him okay. It frustrates me when people use cheating as a angst prompt for him as he's obviously someone who just isn't made for monogamy, and he's pretty honest and I feel he would have nothing to hide and would talk it all out with all his partners. He's a sweetheart that works hard on daily basis and hour after hour to mantain an image, he likes the attention, he wants to be loved. If anyone mildly self centered ever told me 'I love you as much as I love myself' I would marry them on spot. Asmo is just incredibly sweet and I love all his affection and respect him for all the work he does to make a good impression and look up to that self confidence even though most of it is actually just him trying to convince himself. Also perfect example off gender is an ilusion lol.

.

#1 | Mammon

Yep, our number 1, The Great Mammon, the most lovable dumbass that has been by our side from the start though with a bit of whining. This man is perfect. He has incredible self control over his powers, and as someone who used to be an angel to be able to use money all you want bro. I wouldn't feel bad either. He's our protector from start to end to the point he focuses on us instead of the queen in the Dame event. He isn't stupid just has selective focus just like me! And all the people with ADHD and many other neurodivergents. When he wants something he does is perfectly and diligently, he just needs the right push at the right time. He's the most good of all demons and even angels and he loves all his brothers deeply, he is always there to support everyone to the point of even allowing himself to be the punching bag for the sake of them not turning too much on one another. He was literally our first SSR card, our first call, our first pact, our first and the best. He IS great, truly.

[goldemas1244]

It's crazy how some simple book report entries can give you such a complex story.

So here's the deal.

My main OC, my rabbit OC, now named Goldemas1244 (because it's identity), has a storyline now.

Not so clear cut but here we go:

The OG posessor died.

She posesses the rabbit she's in (which is very high-tech for the two-thousands).

Stuff happens and she makes a deal with a heinous entity that she'll only die when Midnight's Family Pizzeria (or specifically Midnight herself) dies.

Midnight is a separate character sheet btw. An old OC of an old friend.

So the place burns down and she's the only one who makes it out alive and she teams up with Michael Afton to burn down the other pizzerias.

In the meantime getting attached to and losing so many friends and acquaintances.

So FNaF happens and Michael finally dies but she's left alone. Mikey thought she'd die in the fire too but yeah she feels betrayed now.

So she leaves town to start a new life. I don't know how people are comfortable with a rabbit animatronic roaming around the streets so I'll chalk it all down to advanced cosplaying excuses (thanks Michael!).

But while there she makes some friends.

And they die.

And she keeps getting betrayed in so many ways.

And it's 2130 and she's still not dead.

Society has improved but she has not. She lives in an abandoned area she has refurbished herself. She also kills people when she starts getting attached to them.

Eventually she kills people for stress relief.

But her head still hurts because WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT DEAD YET. Y'know the whole shebang and whatnot so she tries to do the die.

Multiple states she's travelled but nothing really kills her. No volcanoes, no tsunamis, nothing. She only gets slight inconveniences.

Eventually things get a turn for the worse. The lapse into insanity.

And then she gets caught by forensics. And she gets out of it somehow but requests for an immediate execution after she's resolved all her problems because basically she's a fuckin immortal animatronic that just won't get damaged much all prison's gonna do is extend her life period and a lifetime sentence won't help because they know how many people she's killed and God knows she can clear an entire prison.

So shhe knows but all she does now is just sit alone at home and ruin paperwork or some shit. Until she finds a sliver of an old trinket from Midnight and she's like "Oh shit the immortality deal I need to let go and this and that bla bla bla".

So shhe goes back to Midnight's which is lost in the woods and CSI follows her and shhe finds the long lost animatronic shell of Midnight and does a goodbye manouvre yaddayaddayadda.

And then the police are like FREEZE because she told them to follow her and they did and she's done her final business and now they arrest her and then she gets put in a holding cell for instant electric chair execution and after final grievances she finally gets brought to the electric chair and

She fucking dies man. Screams and all.

Like I don't know how this procedure works but I do know that a fragged and fried brain hurts like fucking hell. Also she gets the liberty for last wishes because I don't know how execution laws in America work and I don't want to know.

So she's ded.

But she gets transported to a black void where she meets the person she made a deal with and she's like given up already or so and she's ready to burn but an old version of her named CG_13 appears and invites her to come live in a paradise of sorts with new adventures and new people and this and that and stuff on the condition that she gets cloned and that clone goes to hell which is where CROSSOVER! Hazbin Hotel exists. And she agrees and lives in the lil pocket dimension where it's life like normal with stresses and all that but it's a good life with a mansion and everything.

And then more OCs come and join them.

I'm not getting into the physics of this cloning thing and the multiverse yet because holy shit there's so much???

[retrauxpunk]

sv 6.05

spoiler-filled recap post below the cut as per usual ~~~

i think i’m gonna maybe be starting every single recap post with

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK 

there’s only two episodes LEFT? OF THE SHOW?

also

OH MY GOD

FUCK

part way through this i was like ‘oh this feels like a happy good/nice episode!!’ the way 6.03 (hooli smokes) was!! where there was conflict but it wouldn’t fucking kick you in the teeth (like 6.04 with ethan and jared’s problems etc)

but then I started thinking, oh they’re gonna maybe do the classic sv thing of everything being fine and then in the last 5 minutes or some shit it goes horrifically wrong?

yeah FUCK

FUCK

?????????????????????????

my thoughts are all over the place so this recap won’t be like super chronological necessarily mmm........

how did the episode even start? oh yeah, russfest. god i was laughing out loud to myself during russ’s mad max sequence because it was SO over the top i was just like what is happening

how much of the budget went into russ’s ad!!! jesus

i enjoyed gilfoyle and monica’s camaraderie in the episode.

also during the meeting with those two and tracy, half of all i could think about was just how hot gilfoyle is. that voice. the hair/beard. the unsettling stare. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

(i listened to Martin Starr’s interview on the Talk Easy podcast and it’s very unsettling at first because his gilfoyle voice is just .........his voice. the same.)

anyway yes gilfoyle is Fine

social engineering!! at first i thought he was just just being some kind of poser but it WAS social engineering! fuck!! nicely done gilf

poor tracy, trying to do her job........ gilfoyle’s such a fucking chaos unit omg

DINESH! poor dinesh. i feel sorry for him because he suffered magnificently bad luck but also............. he was being a dick with the lei hahahha so like. big karmic retribution.

i notice that for so much of this episode, he’s not with the rest of them ... i wonder if that has anything to do with kumail nanjiani’s schedule

..........HOLDEN AND JARED? WHAT THE FUCK?

WHY IS JARED BEING SUCH A CREEPTASTIC MOTHERFUCKER WHAT THE FUCK i ................................don’t........i don’t think i .....like this........ but it is interesting. i hope it goes somewhere. but where exactly it could go, in a satisfying manner, with two episodes left is ...... ehh.

oh well even if this ends up just being an unresolved garbage pile, the show was overall still very good if a bit patchy at times, i mean, i guess i shouldn’t expect it to be perfect (we can’t all be ... breaking bad or bojack horseman ...)

SPEAKING OF UNRESOLVED GARBAGE PILE.

WHAT’S UP WITH THE COMPLETE NON-JARRICH IN THIS EPISODE. THERE WAS SO MUCH OF IT IN THE FIRST FOUR AND IN THIS ONE THEY KIND OF JUST. NEVER SHOWED ANY OF IT?

no time spent on those two’s relationship? (except in the form of jared being a posessive creepy asshole @ holden) ............. no scene in which they address his quitting, his coming back -- what is his role exactly?

i guess they had other stuff to fit into the episode

BUT COME ON THEY SPENT A SIZEABLE CHUNK OF IT ON THE COMEDIC MONICA/GILFOYLE VS TRACY SUBPLOT they clearly didn’t not have the time.

..........................................i swear to god if they completely drop the richard/jared plot and never do anything with their relationship beyond what we’ve seen so far as of 6.05 i’m gonna fucking implode

into a neutron star of impotent rage

holy shit

YOU CAN’T FUCKING HAVE THAT MUCH SETUP AND EMOTION AND THEN HAVE IT GO FUCKING NOWHERE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

ok i’m gonna save the preemptive rage ............ and hope i never have cause to release it again.

two more episoded two more episodes!!

FUCKING gavin belson!!!!!!!!! WHY WON’T HE GO AWAY WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM FUCK THIS ASSHOLE

thumbass

i swear to god when richard said to jared ‘thumbass’ and jared paused for a bit before laughing obligatorily ...... that pause was the First Moment when he Truly Doubted his devotion/admiration/love for richard

just for a fraction of a second a few neurons in his brain were like ‘this is the guy you think is a genius? ...................ok dude’

anyway back to gavin belson

TETHICS?

this is hilarious for many reasons but also because at one point me and some friends made a joke about jeff bezos doing meth and someone called it ‘jeff meth’ and i then of course called it ‘jeth’

so to me tethics is like a weird surprise cousin of my own joke (sharing with it the traits of: unpleasant silicon valley tech billionaire, horrible awkward portmanteau, the ‘eth’ syllable...)

FUCK gavin belson!!!!!!

?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK

RICHARD!! WHY DID YOU TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR DISCOVERY OF HIS PLAGIARISM

WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST EXPOSE HIM DURING YOUR SPEECH

sure maybe he’d then do his disingenuous confession / call an attorney general investigation thing anyway but ... god idk i guess i imagine that if richard had exposed gavin’s plagiarism publically before telling gavin he was onto him, he might be too thrown to do anything ............... but i suppose maybe the investigation would’ve happened anway ....... okay this makes me feel slightly better

UUUUUUGH POOR RICHARD poor pied piper

*batman voice* i’m richard hendricks

anyway

when richard was talking to ron in his office and slumped down in his desk (right before he says that pied piper’s dead), i feel like in that moment richard could plausibly just for a second have been considering having gavin belson just fucking assassinated

RUSS HANNEMAN

of course he’d come back, they wouldn’t have him in the opening scene just to be irrelevant to the rest of the show/episode

okay i really liked that russ gave richard an out? 

and the scene was comedically good

but part of me just couldn’t stop wondering what on earth those ‘horrible crimes’ were ... that you can have photo evidence of ..... like i’m guessing it’s not going to be something like child sex trafficking or something because i suspect richard would’ve been a lot more ruffled if it were something to that level

and then i’m like, well, what was it then? i guess they’re hinting at a debauched sex thing because, y’know, it’s russ. but now i’m like, what kind of sex thing could it be that it’s 1) illegal, 2) viscerally gross, 3) but not so morally reprehensible that richard is any more disturbed than he was in that scene which was .. not that disturbed

maybe it was some kind of arson or illegal poaching thing

anyway i recognise the point of this device is to never reveal what it is and have our minds go crazy, and it’s succeeded because i’m an obsessive neurotic

yeah i’m gonna headcanon gross poaching or something

the scene in the end of them in the desert .......... makes me think of breaking bad

that’s the second ending scene that was reminiscent of breaking bad (the first being the birds dying at maximo’s window. that was reminiscent in the whole thing, whereas this was only reminiscent aesthetically)

i think 6.02 made me feel actually insanely bugged out what with maximo... and 6.04 made me feel bad because of all the unfortunate shit that was happening for everyone ...

6.01 shocked me with how FUCKING jarrich it was, and 6.03 had me euphoric because it was so fucking thrilling and victorious

and what of this episode, 6.05? how does it make me feel?

it makes me want to watch the next two episodes!!!

i am a bit miffed about the complete lack of any kind of jarrich content given how MUCH of it there was in the first four eps, i am not really liking what they’re doing with jared and holden (though i don’t hate it enough to keep talking about it beyond this sentence), and i ..................... wonder what’s gonna happen next with russfest and pied piper o__o

my hope that jarrich may become canon has just, like, gone down by three quarters lol

it feels very much like the first five seasons now, i.e. it ain’t gonna happen

and that’s OKAY so long as they do SOMETHING GOOD with their relationship!! DON’T JUST NEVER TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN PLEASE

really kinda o_____o about how the series is gonna end.

TWO MORE EPISODES?

[curestardust]

if you want: bit of a darker and more serious take on isekai (but beware of the bad writing)

“Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari” or “The Rising of the Shield Hero” or “Some of The Worst Written Characters I’ve Ever Seen” is another isekai spawned out of Japan’s never ending supply and it’s, to the surprise of no one, bad.

I was planning on writing a more in-depth review but I’m so pissed that I can’t be bothered. The story is that 4 random dudes from 4 different versions of Japan (never explained) get summoned into this game world. They all get predetermined weapons: a sword, a bow, a spear and a shield. The shield hero, Naofumi, immediately gets fucked over as apparently this game exists in the other 3′s worlds but not his, so he has no fucking idea what’s going on. In the painful 45 minutes of the first episode, the only person who chose to be on his party sets up Naofumi and humiliates him in front of everyone. The motive as to why this girl and the King hate him is never explained either. Obviously as the 3 other heroes are in posession of about 2.5 braincells each, they don’t question any of this and shun him as well. Cool.

Immediately after this, Naofumi abandons all morals and goes with a slave dealer to buy himself a slave, no questions asked. This slave will be his very first party member, Raphtalia. Because Naofumi is a “completely defensive class” (retconned) he needs someone to fight for him. Anyway, later loli Raphtalia grows into a woman cause apparently demi-humans age according to their level or something (makes no sense, she never ages further ever again). Naofumi also picks up an egg at the slave trader which turns out to be a loli. Then he runs across another loli. Have I mentioned that Naofumi’s entire party is made out of lolis? (Except for Raphtalia I guess but-)

Anyway, enough of the story. The fucking characters, mainly the 3 other heroes. Everything. Every-thing happens because none of the characters have brains. Including Naofumi! I sat down to watch episodes of this with the same dread as I watched some of my favourite series but not because I was worried how the story was gonna break my heart next or which of my favourite characters were gonna be in danger. No, what I was thinking about was “What kind of bullshit excuse will this anime pull out of its ass to make Naofumi look even more of a tragic character?”. Even if the 3 heroes wouldn’t want to communicate with Naofumi after the rape accusation (oh yeah I forgot to mention, he was falsely accused of rape, how delightful) there were numerous times where it was obvious that he wasn’t actually guilty. Then they could’ve just sat down, discussed what the fuck was going on and just go “LOL kay” and start working together. Why didn’t that happen? Cause they’re all BADLY WRITTEN.

The author was trying to say something I guess, about the cliché isekai protagonists hero complex and their disregard for the world they’re in or something. Which is funny cause Naofumi is the exact same as them except BrOoDiNg. I haven’t even mentioned the fact that he is insanely overpowered. His shield apparently has offensive abilities even in its normal form and when he activates the Curse Shield (also never explained what the hell that is) he gains offensive abilities which come out of nowhere! Almost every big fight ends with Naofumi awakening some random ass powerful attack and one shotting the enemy! What!!

And the worst part? In episodes 23-25 we get introduced to, get this, actual interesting characters and plot. Too bad you won’t see them until season 2! :)

“The Rising of the Shield Hero” tried to be a different kind of isekai and it could’ve been kinda good if not for the nonsensical writing and 0.5 dimensional characters. But what we were left with was another self-insert isekai fantasy that comes off like it was written by a butthurt incel who was bullied in school and couldn’t get any girls so now he wrote himself into a power fantasy where he is a brooding and tragic character with a harem of lolis and insane powers. 

EDIT: A few things I actually liked but failed to mention cause I was too pissed while writing this:almost no fanservice, very nice character designs (shame they’re wasted), fluid animation and an attention to detail particularly with clothing (lots of minus points for the horrendous CGI mainly during fights), the OPs are banger and Naofumi acting like a dad towards his companions (and it would be perfect if they weren’t trying to get with him either). IF the next season will focus more on the characters introduced near the end of this one, I’ll watch it with slight interest. 

[4/10] (x)

Recommend: HELL Yeah! | Yes | Eh??? | Nope | This anime killed my parents

[borathae]

I am back and I need answers. Which demon processed you during this chapter? Who do I have to thank. I am on my knees. What have you done?🥵🤯

This time it might be even better than the church (my thoughts after reading the warning)

Sometimes these two are so dense, it's hilarious.

We love a love-(hate) relationship between a human the mf creator.

I am also super curious about how you imagine the esate🤔🤩 Would you like to show the picture you have in mind?

You can feel the tension and I live for it.

Yoongi playing the cards once again

Tension baby tension

This softie

Yoongi waiting behind the door til they are this close and then boom here I am, did you miss me

A classic fight to solve this and blow off some steam, I am ready

Yes babe, you got this. She is such a good fighter. I wonder when we will see her skills in action.

What would I give to have Yoongi's thoughts.

Where is my popcorn? This is better than any show.

Ahh, my heart is complete, they are friends again.

Sometimes I think Yoongi doesn't give a single fuck and then he shows a little bit of the man behind the mask and I absolutely live for it.

Angry tension is IT

These vampire power...

To have rough sex with him like this🥵 I can't talk right now...

How tell me how can you not be turned on by this OMFG

The power he has and shows, is there a more sexy vampire. I don't think so. Run me over with a truck sir.

And he knows Koo is there. And then he is casually like come here to get the punishment you deserve wow wow.

She has to ask why?

I think we all think about the church🥵

And I love that there is always consent and trust. Even without asking, it's always within the boundaries. Let me smooth you for your healthy (and incredibly sexy) smut

Yoongi smirks darkly, I am in darger

Getting his ass stuffed like this. My brain has stopped working...

Yes omg lick it off.

Sweety, discovering her kinks is so fucking sexy.

Get a man who can do both

I can only agree, this is so so hot

They are having the time of there life. Me too. This is delicious

Omg her as a vampire👀

I am impressed how she can focus at all. Girl you are a hero

Oh so many occasions mhm, tell me more.

Ahh Yoongi, you big softie

She can be so cruel

I am a sucker for Yoonkook, I can't deny it.

We are getting it all in this chapter wow.

I love the reassurance he gives him.

Oh baby, 60 years🥺

I will never ever get over how Koo sits in oc's lap. It's a weakness.

All the happiness in the world for this sweet boy.

He is THE softie. I love him so much

It had so much fun😈 with this chapter omg. You did it again.

And concerning your last ask. Seduce me with your knowledge please. It's so exciting to hear more about the things you are passionate about💜

🌟

ahhahahah honestly though I don't know either which kinda demon posessed me but I am 😶🥵

I am also super curious about how you imagine the esate🤔🤩 Would you like to show the picture you have in mind?

I WILL LOOK FOR PICURES OMFMG you have hit my weakness aka interior design I WILL GATHER THE PERFECT PCITURES AND THEN SHOW YOUOMGMMG

Yoongi waiting behind the door til they are this close and then boom here I am, did you miss me

Yoongi be like 🧍🏻‍♂️👂🏻🚪

What would I give to have Yoongi's thoughts.

brUH ME HAHAHA like honey share your thoughts we us omfg

Sometimes I think Yoongi doesn't give a single fuck and then he shows a little bit of the man behind the mask and I absolutely live for it.

the way I can relate omfg I am literally insane for himngngng

And I love that there is always consent and trust. Even without asking, it's always within the boundaries. Let me smooth you for your healthy (and incredibly sexy) smut

yes omfg honestly though, I want my smut to be healthy and safe and for people to feel that eventhough you are just reading about sex right now it is consensual and all parties want it. It always makes me incredibly uncomfortable (to the point where I stop reading) when I read smut which doesn't show consent, it's literally so off-putting

And concerning your last ask. Seduce me with your knowledge please. It's so exciting to hear more about the things you are passionate about💜

gosh thank you so much!! I will continue info dumping on you whenever the occasion arises hehe 🥺💜💗

[hamsterwritin]

Taggi game tag

My cat just flopped down on the floor and is staring at me over his shoulder...alright. 

Anyway I was tagged by @time-to-write-and-suffer so now it’s time to play a game and have fun. (also thanks bruh). It is ten questions about writing and stuff. Venture beyond the line to see what secrets I posess!

You foooooool!

1. What kind of genre do you like to write? Why?

Fantasy. Easy question. Next. 

Oh right, why...well it’s fun. I love the freedom it givse me, because I feel kinda restrained in other genres. I can literally do anything as long as I make it make sense in the world I create. I know fantasy isn’t the only genre where you can do that, but it is where I feel the safest to just...do whatever. 

2. Which do you like writing better, heroes or villains?

Heroes. I feel like my villains are bad. They don’t get enough time to really develop, which is something I need to work on. Often I focus a lot on the main character and make them their own villain/enemy. When it’s time to make like an actual villain I don’t know what to do. It’s probably because of my bad planning. 

3. Do your characters have a favorite type of weather?

Selma likes it when it’s sunny but not too hot. Rain is just “a pain in the ass”. Her sunburns can get real bad though. 

4. Romantic or platonic relationships?

I don’t write a lot of romance. I only recently started trying it again but so far I haven’t actually gotten to any romance-parts. So I would say platonic. When it comes to romance I don’t know wtf I’m doing. 

5. Which OC of yours would you get along with best?

Uhm...Petra probably. She’s the easiest one kinda? I mean...easy to approach. 

6. Would you survive in your OCs’ world? Why or why not?

Well that depends on where I live. 

7. What would you say is one of your “quirks” as a writer?

Uhm...does never being able to stop with the damn descriptions count?

8. Are there any writing “rules” that you break consistently? Ie commonly said rules that you just don’t follow?

I get real picky tbh, because I’m really critical of my own writing. Though I am trying to let loose a bit because it feels like rules are too constraining. Some are important but I’ve started to get a new view of language: As long as it’s communicated right and understood, then what’s the issue?

9. What does “show don’t tell” mean to you?

Well I mean...it means that you should describe something instead of just saying “she was sad”. Though it is pretty overused. 

10. Post a recent snippet of your writing. Do you like it?

Well then, guess I’ll dive into the chapter I’m currently working on...

This time, when they arrived at the Hodal building, they were split up and lead into different hallways. Selma followed a tall officer with long red hair gathered in a ponytail, and Morgan was lead away by someone shorter with messy, black locks. The last thing Morgan said when they walked separate ways was:

  “See you later kid”.

And later it was indeed. Really late. Selma had no way of telling for how long she really was in that tiny room, answering the same questions as last time.

    Dust was tickling her nose, the officer’s light voice felt like knives in her ears and the metal table in front of her was reflecting the lamp’s cold light.

  “You must see why we find you suspicious”, the officer said. “You were the only ones up there before the explosion”.

  “And you must see how it’s not my problem that the guards didn’t check our things well enough for them to say that they saw no bomb on us”. She was staring at a spot on the grey walls. It almost looked like a star.

  “Well you still haven’t proved your innocence here-”

  “And you haven’t proved that I’m guilty”. The officer let out a loud sigh, leaning back in their chair while rubbing at their eyes.

  “I just find it hard to believe that you saw nothing while being up there”, they exclaimed tiredly. “So can you please do both of us a favour and just tell me the truth?”

  “I already ha-”

  “No you have not!” The sudden outburst had Selma flinching in her chair, but she quickly found her calm facade again.

  “Prove it”, was all she said. Voice full of boredom and a smirk tugging at her lips. The defeat and anger in the officer’s eyes was the only thing keeping her from going insane at this point. Barely.

They kept going on like that, both slowly losing more of their sanity. Eventually the officer went quiet, just staring at Selma. She wasn’t going to complain though since she much prefered this to the repeating questions. It was then that the last sigh left the officer’s lips and they stood.

  “We’re done for today”.

But “later” was even more later than that. It wasn’t Morgan that greeted her once she stepped out of the building, no. It was a darker face and a gleeful smile.

  “What are you doing here?” Selma stared her down as much as she could, though it was a bit difficult with the height difference. The top of her head barely reached the other’s shoulders.

  “Morgan told me to get you food”, she answered cheerfully. “She was done way earlier than you”.

  “Thanks but I can get my own food”, Selma muttered and started walking in the direction of her home, but she could hear steps following her.

  What was even her name?

  “Selma come on-” she pleaded, only adding to Selma’s annoyance. “I promised Morgan an- oof”. Selma had stopped, making the other collide with her.

  “Wait, it’s your fault”. Then she turned around, hand gripping the other’s white shirt before she could blink. “What was your name again, tree?”

  “You don’t even remember my name?” She sounded hurt, looking down at Selma with a pout. “It’s Gerda”.

  “Right… Gerda”. That pout didn’t leave her face but Selma now noticed the smirk hiding beneath it. “This shit is all your fa-”

  “Not so loud, bittercheeks!”, Gerda hissed with a hand over Selma’s mouth . “I know you’re mad but let’s talk over dinner yeah?”

  “Umph Fo”.

  “What?” Selma ripped her hand from her mouth, angrily hissing:

  “Fuck you”. But she still started walking in the direction of the tavern Morgan had taken her to earlier. At least she would get a warm meal out of this. Even if the company was less than desired.

  I should have just told them about her, she thought, but quickly shook her head. No, nothing is worse than helping uniforms. Not even this.

It’s not edited and I don’t even know if I’ll keep it. No I don’t like it. Maybe after some work. 

I don’t know who’s done this and who hasn’t, but I’ll still tag this time I think...if I just get my brain to remember names.  @acfawkes, @mildswearingat4am, @jltillary aaand uhm...brain stopped working. 

[myaekingheart]

So this is only my second night away from home due to the hurricane (my boyfriend and I had to evacuate our apartment per my mother's pestering and go to a hotel even though by the time it reached it, it downgraded to a tropical storm and didn't even do much damage other than knocking some trees over and causing some power outages) and I'm already feeling antsy and homesick, which is ridiculous because we're literally ten minutes away from home. I don't know, maybe it's just the anticipation of knowing tomorrow morning we'll have to leave by a certain time because of check-out and check-in times and I can't stop thinking about what if I don't wake up in time, overthinking loading all of our shit back into the car and just how massively unnecessary all of this really was and the collective stress that's built up over this whole situation. I spent the entire past week being hounded by my mother and the rest of my family about going to the hotel even though I knew by the time it got up here, it'd be nothing and that this all was pointless but everyone refused to listen to me and made me feel like I was a child incapable of making my own decisions for going against what they demanded of me. They failed to understand, too, that up until Saturday my boyfriend was still scheduled to go into work as if nothing was wrong. The hotel is on the complete other side of town which meant that if he did end up not getting called out of work, he would've had to drive through either shitty weather or shitty traffic, neither of which are ideal. He refused the idea of the hotel and I refused to go there by myself and be separated from him in the case that the hurricane did hit stronger than it eventually did. My family was disgustingly pleased to hear that I ended up doing what they wanted but that didn't make coming here any fucking easier. My mom has been so panicked about this whole thing that her anxiety has become contagious-- she's been making everyone else around her nervous, as well. Everyone keeps telling her she needs to take a Xanax or something, and I don't blame them. She had been preparing for every possible disaster and going overkill (or at least what I consider overkill) on the hurricane precautions. She was pounding all of them into my head and making me panic even more, telling me every single little thing I needed to do and how it was non-negotiable. I'd be rich if I had a dollar for every time she said to me "I'm just trying to save my life!" Her outrageous anxiety about this whole ordeal ended up absolutely setting off my own, though, to the point where I was having full blown panic attacks yesterday morning trying to pack up the car. My hands were tingling and going numb and my stomach felt like it was in a vise grip, I kept running to the bathroom feeling like I was either going to have a diarrhea attack or throw up. I was hyperventilating and I couldn't think straight. I was so fixated on getting all my things packed and getting out of there but the actual act was so nerve-wracking I couldn't get anything done without taking breaks in between to take deep breaths and try to calm myself down. I'd get dizzy walking down all the stairs to try and load the car up, and at one instance I nearly thought I was going to be sick right there in the parking lot. See, the issue is that the separation factor wasn't the only reason I was so adamant about staying home. It was also the transition factor. It's only been a little over a month since I moved up here, I'm still in the process of getting settled in and accustomed to this new way of life. When you've been living in the same house for six years and then just uproot yourself and move someplace else, it takes a while to really get used to. I still catch myself thinking in terms of visitation, based on me and my boyfriend's previous status as being long distance lovers. A part of me still feels panicky and like I need to rush to fulfill a set list of goals in a now-pseudo limited amount of time. If I'm watching a show on Hulu with my boyfriend, I'll have a little flash of panic about how we need to get through as many episodes as possible before I'm stripped of the privilege when I go back home. Just tonight, the cat kept stealing my blanket and I thought to myself "If you love this thing so much, what are you going to do when I go back home and you won't get access to it anymore?" But that's the thing. I'm not going back home because my parents' place isn't home anymore. This is. I mean, the hotel room I'm sitting in right now isn't, but this town and that apartment in it. I still can't quite wrap my brain around the fact that this place, this town I've visited so often when my boyfriend and I were long distance, is my home now. It's been a battle trying to adapt to all of this and the last thing I wanted was some sort of detour in my road to adjusting. This whole mess with the hurricane and this unnecessary evacuation, however, has been just that: a detour. The reality of everything didn't really hit me until yesterday when we were packing up the car, and my anxiety skyrocketed. I couldn't stop thinking about my mom and how riled up she was about this whole thing. Up until yesterday morning, I wasn't the least bit nervous about this storm. It was honestly a welcome tranquility for someone who panics about literally everything else in life. I honestly was angry with my mom about it all, like why couldn't she just let me enjoy this one rare morsel of calm in the face of disaster? Why couldn't she trust that I knew what was happening and that I had enough confidence in my decision to believe that there was nothing to worry about? But anyways, back to my realization of the severity of the whole thing. Between my mom and everything my boyfriend and I were suddenly doing, I started realizing maybe my confidence was unwarranted. Maybe this storm really was bigger than what I believed it to be and that I was overestimating myself. Mental images of mass destruction started flashing through my brain: of coming back to find our home had been reduced to scraps of wood and piles of debris, the remnants of what once was our own home and all of our belongings. I frantically packed up all of my absolute most valuable posessions, which was a smidge difficult because I'm a very materialistic person. I'm not proud of it but it's not because I'm greedy. Rather, it's because I'm clingy. Everything I own has some sort of significance to me and I find it hard to distinguish what's most important and what is more easily replaceable. Like obviously I know I can always buy another copy of the same book but can never replace precious childhood pictures and sentimental stuffed animals. It's just tough when everything seems sentimental in one form or another. I left the house fearing the worst, thinking I'd never see any of this stuff ever again. It's an overwhelming feeling, putting that much pressure on yourself. Even packing the bare minimum of what was of utmost importance (my laptop, obviously, an envelope of chidlhood pictures, a couple Narnia books more for reference in case I wanted to work on my fanfic while I was away [I ended up being far too panicked and out of my head to feel motivated enough for that shit, but I did make a couple edits], and some sentimental stuff like the Rapunzel pillow I just bought at Kohl's, my favorite quilt, the plush of Spikey my parents got me when I moved away, and my favorite childhood doll who I've literally had since birth and used to take absolutely everywhere with me), I still felt like I had packed far too much and that it was all ultimately a huge pain in the ass to lug around. The thought of having to lug it all back again tomorrow is outrageosly daunting and I really don't want to deal with it. It's like I'm faced with the inability to settle in right now, which sucks because I am very much an instinctual settler. I guess I have a rather earthy mindset, where I like to root myself deeply in one place and stay there and let myself get insanely comfortable. That was the problem with uprooting from my parents' house, having to settle in someplace else and accustom myself to new surroundings. In a way, I guess I am very much like a plant. I get nice and cozy in my little pot and let my roots deeply attach themselves to the soil but then when I'm forced to move, it's a struggle and it takes a while for my roots to take hold on the new soil in the new pot, and my enitire being panics because I had grown so comfortable in one spot that my branches grew wildly and clung to everything like a screaming child hugging their mother on the first day of preschool. I need to settle in someplace and stay there, to feel comfortable and at home and let my branches cling to things. I know it's ridiculous to be this worked up about feeling uprooted yet again when it's only my second night in the hotel and I'm going home in the morning (and I can stay in my pajamas for all I care because I don't give a fuck what the people in the lobby think and home is ten minutes away anyways so you better bet your ass I'll be climbing right back into bed as soon as we transport all of our stuff back into the house...if our house is even in a liveable condition when we get back, which I'm sure it will be but with all the panic surrounding the hurricane, the fear still sticks in the back of my mind. Unfortunately.) I just wish I knew how to be more adaptable and how to better handle rapidfire changes like this. I know no one is ever ready for such quick changes and disasters and roadbumps and whatnot, that no matter how prepared some of us may think we are, they still take us by surprise, but I also know that it's the way we react to those rapid changes that defines how well we handle them and I just desperately wish I was better at that. I guess it just takes time and practice, I don't know, but as it currently stands, I fucking suck at this shit and I just honestly wish I could snap my fingers and already be back home settled in with things exactly the way they were, as if I can just skip right over the fact that this whole hotel thing even happened because this was completely unnecessary and I'm honestly still really salty about this, and I wouldn't be surprised if I stay that way for a little while after all of this. I just want this to be over and done with already. I just want to go home.

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙||HOPE #3; ||You Know My Name, Not My Story||🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙

PART THREEE, FACEBOOK IM NOT A HARM TO MYSELF OR OTHERS THIS IS IN MY PAST XX TRIGGER WARNING XX 💚💚🔥🥀🦋A Lil Deeper Into My Demons Life; *Johnny "JJ" Garcia; about the visions he basically comes at night funny how "at night" is when i act out anyways, "johnny" did some huge damage to me and made me do damage to others, but mostly me, he abused me, made me breakdown millions of times made me violent with crazy ass visions of different shit, its like living in a horror movie.coming after me i tried to kill him but he never dies he said "pull the red wire" which one do i pull theres to many i hate when he "possesses" me when he comes after me even in my dreams he still makes me violent sometimes but less cuz im getting treatment. "you gotta nice autograph picture, one for you and one for yo sister" at my group home "JJ" hassnt seen me (except for once i was outside trying to kill me or hurt myself, i threw rocks at the car that Johnny was running over my mom with in the vision, she ran she ran and i almost went AWOL but i didn't) *Elizabeth "Liz" Ramos; ~The Night You Left, Turning Sara Into Elizabeth Ramos~ MY STORYxccc Written In 9/6/12 I was screaming, panting, searching, all over, so this is my story, so i was @ Preston's open house, right? and he got mad at me and tried to punch me so i punched him then i ran round the blocks screaming for you when people walked by i threatened them i was insane dark posessed, i stole a pack of cigarretes and some blue pills and Esctasy the cops (there were about 7 or 8 cars) chasing me but i was to fast finally i got thrown in my moms car i went home lockled in my room going crazy cutting till i was bleeding and beaten and bruised, trashing my room, destroying everything, graffiting on myself and the walls writing "666" everywhere. ranting on satanistic shit, listening to death metal, finally Johnny took full control and possessed me i busted the door down trashed the house i punched my mom and myself the officer in our house i stole a pill bottle and chased my family around ranting on and on i busted the front door open my mom tackled me to the ground i got out of her grip i ran into the dark going cxrazy going mad trying to die with Johnny chasing me and abusing me, after about 5 minutes they tackled me to the ground i went to the car destroying the glass all my personalities came out, i got more posessed than before i realized it wasnt you Cynthia sang to me and i knew it wasnt you it was your father, Presly Garcia, i know you would leave me i knew you would fuck up. *Johnny "JJ" Garcia; ~Lisxten Upx~ MY STORY.cc EMPTY.TO.EMPTY (WRITTEN AT RESIDENTAL TREATMENT CENTER) This is how I feel, i know you don't have the power to kill my mom you showed me that she burned in a fire well fuck off Johnny are you real? NO YOUR NOT FUCKING REAL. MAKE ME A PERSON OF DARKNESS, my depression digs deep Johnny no Johnny STOP MAKE IT STOP HELP ME HELP ME STOP IT NO GO AWAY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? but you can't kill mommy please dont take me to the ends. i don't know about you, but im done. this is how i feel, i feel lonely, and shattered, don't know where to go, what to do, im just done, i don't care about me, i hate me. I HATE ME. the new me isn't like the old me, the new me has lost herself inside and outside, mentally and physically, im lost inside a big dark hole of lonleyness, depression, sorrow, hurt, blind, numb, fucked up, mental, ill, scared, paranoid, crazy, done... If i leave i know, that you would be laughing you wouldnt cry JUST FUCKING WATCH ME SUFFER ABUSE MYSELF TO DEATH AND YOULL LAUGH YOUD BE HAPPY. and as i say goodbye, noone will here me. shit. worthless. lonely, nothing. wasted. IM FUCKING DONE! LET ME GO GET OFF ME IM DONE!!! its all clashing down nowhere to hide, trapped inside, wanting to die, wanting to cry, burst, break, can't breathe, its all inside, i have to get out before everyone comes down, i'm sorry to you all for making your life misrable. Something in my brain is missing or snapped, i can't reconize myself, im going dark, nothings helping im getting crazier, getting worse, its taking control of me its killing me, all over, its not normal, its killing me all over, im blind, im stuck, about to break, a chemical embalance, im different. my hallucinations make NO SENSE IM NOBODY WHO AM I I DONT KNOW WHO I AM. im losing my mind idk who i am its the end, wait stop talking, there coming in suits killing me, why arent i normal? whats going on? laugh laugh feeling intoxicated mental retardation out of it delusional fuck man im losing it, im going insane, idk who i am, help me, lost 40 lbs idk who i am real bad hallucinations, try to kill myself, my amazing friend Oscar prayed with me, cared, comforted me, helped me, he saved me brought me to God. I WANT DADDY. WHATS GOING ON? repeated phrases over and over in my head in my mind its broken, IM SCARED, "circles and squares for people who cares" i wanted to die, stayed up all night in the hospital bed, for 20 FUCKING HOURS. nothing makes sense.... BAD.EPISODE.SCREAMING. there after me, i dont know whats going on whats happened to me, ive changed for the worse NO NOT THE CHANGE. idk whats real and whats not, im not in reality, im in a dream can't wake up WHEN WILL I WAKE UP? my life is crumbling, Johnny is becoming real, bad anxiety, mom called 911 WENT TO ETS MENTAL HOSPITAL, CUZ I WENT CRAZY, THEY TOOK ME AWAY DONT TAKE ME AWAY WHY DID YOU TAKE ME AWAY??? IM JUST DONE AND OVER... bye :( *Good Daddy/Bad Daddy; So this is how it all started, so on 3/18/14, Tuesday, i tried to commit suicide, the night before i pulled an allnighter with my iPod, and pulling allnighters effects my medication, i was hearing my dads voice talking to me, saying, "im coming back" "no your not you little bitch so shut the fuck up" "im coming back nomatter if i like it or not" the next day at school i went AWA around campus. i was already pissed and triggered, i missing my dad, so i told my teacher and i went AWOL twice, the 1st time i ran i tried to jump in front of a car and my staff saw me and the OGI van was already chasing me, i refused to get in the van, they took me back to the school, i got out and went AWOL again, try kill myself, the van chased me, i fought to get in and this time the staff escorted me to the residential dorm quiet room, i got in 6 restraints 4 escorts, i selfharmed with my nails and i was damaging property. i had a whole bunch of people talk to me i screamed "i wanna go home" everywhere, i started hearing and seeing things, i didnt go home i went to ETS mental hospital, in an ambulance, all this shit happened cuz i was being unsafe, now i learned my lesson. *NXSP; ~Underestimated~ My Storryyxx 8/12/14 Sometimes, its not what it seems, its not reality, could cry and hurt myself for hours not sleep pull allnighters one day after another im bloodshot my brain is sufficating you can see all the hurt and pain in my eyes, im scared, wanting to die, take my family with me, im just so messed up, im done with this shit the mentalness the non functionality the disorders, im tired of me, im tired of life, im tired of everything. im just, darkness. ON 8/7/2012 In progress... okay its now 5:02 P.M, Johnny's awake again, ready to start raising hell, hes in process or "processing" hes adapting, ready to posess me, imma take off the motion detector im FUCKING BLOODSHOT READY TO FACE DEATH IM TO UNSTABLE IM TO DANGEROUS. and the wires, well white wires, trying to break free out the locked doors , so sweet, the dectectors on the doors the wires on the walls, the blood on the ceiling, the dreams that crash my mind MAKE ME FUCKING BLIND. myself broken to peices, 2:00 AM still up slaving myself, about to go out on myself, wanting to hang, but its just a thought, an addicting thought, the pain and suffering theres no end to the feeling, im down. almost about to become someone else, the transfering starts as i transform into someone dark, a dark shadow waiting to come out and kill the light, as the blood drips down me, on everything, my wrists, so silent, then i scream, cuz im bloodshot, eyes you can barely see nomore, cuz there full of blood, clear for water, the wires falling down, and strangle herself, now its 5:00 am, still awake ready to start it all over again. xx {.} isnt it funny? its like im a completly different person, no touch with reality, yes i do agree ive changed for the worst, mental in the head, my brain doesnt function right, and im different, im not normal stanger to myself its like im a complete stranger... mentally unstable, physco, not normal, im so ill, like im a complete stranger FUCK IT MAN. to crazy for normalcy NO FUNCTIONALITY THE PERFECT FUCK MY LIFE. insanity insane ive dissapointed all of them WHO AM I? nothing.. to bad for me, haha isn't it funny??? "Ms Function or KnoqoutToCrazyyes.no.or.maybe." *Flyerway; (POEM BY ME ALISA MONEE ALVAREZ/SARA BERGER) ""Have you heard the news lately, i was born to be dead, meant to be someone, but now imma noone, so now i blaqout, see you later, well maybe... Open your eyes, see yourself cry, die, break, and fade away, heartless and cold, stone cold, broken and empty, noone else knows, the pain that unfolds, the dark side of your mind, mental and lonely, how come you never told me? some reason or excuse, to keep me from me, is it because im to crazy or im sick in the head? all those stories you told me, when i was a baby, something changed right inside me, then i grew up for noone, had no love and acception, then i became different, to crazy to function, my brain is defunctioned, im old and unstable, but i am not able, to pay back the life i was grown to, crazy and physco, noone to hold me, sing rock'a'bye'baby. I guess i was born crazy, mentally ill, built a wall i cant break down, these chains tied right on me, broken and knoqued out, have you heard me lately? i am noone BUT IM BECOMING A SOMEONE I FOUND MYSELF AGAIN, THROUGH GOD, HE SAVED ME, IM READY TO BE HEALED TO BE RECOVERED END THE DARKNESS, GET BETTER, END TREATMENT, IM FUCKING READY YOU BITCHES CANT STOP ME, Im not gonna lose it all, go all out, make stupid ass choices, no dangerous stuff, imma maske the right choice I LOVE YOU GOD, THANK YOU@!!!!!"" POEM BY ME. THE END. *Johnny "JJ" Garcia/The Ends/Erin Ramos; ~Break In The Dark, Molero Fever~ Myy Storii xc :3 8/7/2012 "JJ"s awoken from his sleep, Putting Liz and brother's fire out, tonight ...Hes awake, hes awake,please save me, i cant control him anymore, i cant fight him anymore, not even for you, please mom come and save me, make him dissapear so i can see the stars again, Johnny, are you wake? are you ready to raise hell? i knew youd come back, are you gonna just stand there or are you gonna try to take over me, no no no dont touch me, to many people to much noise to much sound, no shut up, rock back and fourth, no mom please fly here tonight and save me, please no no no dont die Preston, are you really in the hospital? no hes not bleeding, open your eyes, JJ do you copy? send Preston to The Ends, the end of WHAT? no Johnny let me go, PLEASE LET ME GO, is that him? no no no no no no NOOOOOO lET GO OF ME. don't touch me DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME GET THE FUCK OFF ME. hes not dead, he cant be, im bleeding, Johnny stop not there, no i need you mom, no Johnny, no Johnny your not me, your a liar, NO IM NOT NOW HOLD STILL, IM GONNA KILL YOU, NO JOHNNY, PRESTON, MOMMY, hes now awake, processing, Johnny to Constance, send em all to The Ends, put there fire out, NOW, I SAID NOW BITCH... *Constance McMann; Saturday, 2:28 pm, Auguest 18th, 2012, Constance i need to ask you something. Dear Constance, i know how hard you worked to take care of me, but i still cant be here, alone, in this spot, sure i call you and i ask if theres a way to escape "JJ" but your answers always the same, "pull the red wire" but i dont know where it is, so please tell me, i love mom i really do, i cant choose between my real mom, and you Constance, your my sister, i call you my mom, but YOUR NOT MY FUCKING MOM. Liz Ramos, OUT... Thursday, 7:29 pm, Augest 23rd, 2012, and in the dark, he must remain. *NXSP/Erin Ramos/Liz Ramos; Things Erin did wrong... 1. told JJ about the red wire, 2. mentioned "the thing", 3. told JJ "L"s number, 4. pulled up a knife to Preston, 5. told JJ that Lisa is "L". Aye, call JJ back @2:30, call mama, to pull it all out, the numbers of "US" make the dreams harder, follow the red wire to kill it all, all the Garcias all the McManns, i thought i was outta sight, but im back on, calling Lisa 60 times a day until he kills, i dont know who, but it all means something, Lorene, i thought the socket was already electrified, i shaked and shaked, now look where i am, look where Preston is, sick as hell in the hospital bed, stop calling Lisa, im asking you Johnny, im not, im not, IM NOT break out with the green wire, i know you can, what about late night? i made a contract for the program, now JJ put me on level drop, 4RF, bitch, now I...I...shit here he comes, calling me, OH SHIT. -.- This is a blog i wrote when i was at my level 14 residential treatment center. Tuesday, 6:51 pm, Augest 21, 2012 LIFE OUTTA JOHNNYS SIGHT, WHO FUCKING TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU SO... why JJ did you open up a new story on us, not willing to even notify me, ive been in the program for 4 fucking years, and you never mentioned "The Thing" to me, im one of you guys, i had sight put on me, and now you want me to uninstall it? JJ get it thru your damn head that im a part of "US" im not going to The Ends i know hes in the hospital. you told me he was sick, i thought you were a liar, but i know its for real this time. the outsiders think your nothing but a freak, unexsistable, fake, but i know your real, i dont want to get a new master, im out of sight, forever, this is me Elizabeth Ramos..... oh my fucking god Erin, can't you see Liz doesnt want you or need you, just shut up, i dont want to hear it, shes outta sight all because of you, NO JJ ITS NOT MY FAULT, please just give me one more chance i dont wanna go to The Ends, im sorry i mentioned "The Thing". No Erin, times up, the red wires been pulled, and its all BECAUSE OF YOU. now we have to live outta sight, and Elizabeth, when she finds out Johnny cant be her master, and ill tell her the excact reason why. Im Erin Ramos this is me... bye. What do you mean? are you saying he left? AGAIN. i know Liz, all im saying is he can no longer posess you. then how the hell am i supposed to raise hell? if it hadnt been for Erin, we wouldnt be in this fucking mess, this would have NEVER HAPPENED. no CeeCee you know what this means, were gonna be sent to The Ends, if one "Ramos' pulls the wire, all the "Ramos" will be taken to The Ends. Do you know how low functioning Erin is? NO. I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF HE IS. SEND HIM TO THE ENDS, IM NOT GOING DOWN THAT ROAD, being a "McMann" HELL NO. Liz, im so sorry, i should have told him, its not my fault, ITS NOT MY FAULT... This is Elizabeth and CeeCee. nite bitch.... Okay Tuesday, 8:38 pm, Augest 28th, 2012, this is Plumb and Erin Ramos, JESUS CHRIST HOW LONG HAVE I KNOWN YOU? for all the time ive known you, like 2 years? shit, Erin hasn't even told Johnny about you yet, Plumb. i know your my friend, my step sister, but i have to tell Johnny, if you want to be a part of "US" i have to. But what if he doesn't approve me for the program? WELL THEN GET YOUR ASS UP AND START THE PAPERWORK. what paperwork? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? youll be sent to "The Ends" if JJ hears that, dont you EVER deny paperwork, oh and dont mention "The Thing" either. whats "The Thing"? Dont tell JJ that i told you what "The Thing" is, alright? i promise. okay "The Thing" happens excactly on December 30th, 2012. YEAH AND? what happens is all the wires will be pulled, and every person that asleep while its happening will be sent to "The Ends" Erin is gonna be sent to "The Ends" regardless, i know you like Erin, but hes your step brother, he doesnt even know you exsist, well im logging off, nite o> *Michael Alvarado-Alvaro/DANCING Squares/Veronica&Victoria Enxxelia; [[[[ -----Will You Believe Me If I Went Insane? (These are TRUE REAL Stories I had written in CHYC treatment center back in 2012, these are 100% real, about my hallucinations and me going insane, my stories && my raps.) X'd Out Bitchz-----]]]] 7/12/2012, Ronnie Irez, Coded, got in the shower half naked, sat there crying, digging deep into my skin with the blade oh I pressed it against my skin, watching it bleed, the blood rushing down, brings me to my knees, don't feel no pain, but I'm enjoying it, the blood dripping on the floor, but I don't care, just stand there, watch me bleed, at that moment I jumped and hit the ground, no tears came out, oh hell no, I tried to move but I couldn't, I was stuck, this is just payback for my choices, I tried to get up but I couldn't move a muscle, well this is how I am, visions of killing and fighting and burning down this place, so I got up and climbed out the window, I pulled out my gun, pointing it towards my mouth, thinking of death, suicide, ending it all, Johnny's got me now and I'm just fine, I assaulted 5 cops, and I ran, so faraway I couldn't be found, the world is cruel, it's full of pain, all I think about is numb blank fucked up thoughts, that's all I want to do, all I ever wanted, so I pull out the lighter and my cigarretes I smoked until I fainted, getting faded, and it all turned black , oh I'm so sad, so sad, full of pain, now I feel it, now oh I regret it, bye mom bye dad, see you later, oh no . *Charlotte McMann; 7/12/2012, fire and flames, last week was the day I did it, now I regret it but I did it, I tried to kill my other, I walked into his room and tried to choke em' watch the satisfaction on my face grow, to see him in pain, to see him suffer like I once did, tried to kill em ' all to take em' where daddy is, so we can all be together, and burn this place on fire, and kill every fool in this damn place, yeah I said it, and I'll do it , hell no bitch yo getting in my face, I'll fuck you up before you can blink, have a nice rest while I knock you out, see you in hell, cuz dats where yo ass is going, can't you hear me? can't you hear my voice or are you just ignoring it . yes you tried but you didn't make it, sorry for your loss but it's not my problem, well goodbye have sweet dreams cuz when you'll wake up it will be dark and empty, burning like my soul, like my heart, like the diamonds in your fire , cuz I'm no liar cuz yo just a fake, the cops are chasing me, you'll never catch me, cuz dats just me. Cold and over, shivering outside , the rain is falling down , try to make it through, oh sorry no I can't, I try to walk my way , but there's nowhere to go, my home is so far away, I'm cold and alone, where are you ? I need you, lead me the way I need to go , oh I need to know , where I am, where I need to go , before I lie here and die, my bodies getting old, I'm just laying here like a stone, bodies tense, muscles to hard to move, can't seem to make it any further , come on, come on , your almost there, you may not realize it , but you go to believe, just a few miles away , yes you got to believe, crawl faster, get up , please, I don't wanna see you so broken, I wanna see you try, climb , run , please please your almost there, don't give up now cuz your getting close, your thinking why try harder? but you've got to before you die and get taken away from me, I've already lost enough, I can't stand losing you, leave me like this, shattered inside , cold inside and out, skin scratched and bruised and bleeding, I'm so cold , can you see through me ? if you can please tell me, why me why now why does it have to be this way , why does it have to end like this? *Contance McMann/Erin Ramos; 7/14/2012, see your face, burn down the house, watch it fall, try to stop it but it's no use no more, later that day she burned in a fire, I ran in there, tried to save her, but you know what , she was already dead, the body was turned to ashes, I picked it up trying to bring it back to life , opening eyes like a pleasure, there were red and bloodshot, I had a mental breakdown put it in my trunk, road off the bridge deep into the ocean, we drowned to the bottom, I passed out then I woke up in a hospital bed , body scarred, face burnt, I looked up and there was Constance , I was scared, didn't mean it, I saw your face Constance, please forgive me,it was just a vision, just my mind playing tricks on me , I sorry I was sweating now I got up and slipped and fell when I saw your face, I jumped I was scared oh Erin not now , please not now, I grabbed your body and hid it, JJ killed ya, oh I saw your face , yes i saw your face, it was gone forever. ^.^ *Flyerway && Eddie/Edgar/Chillwax Alejandria; 9/3/2012 My last step, baby it's gonna be okay, don't worry ill be alright, I tried to tell you but you never listened to me I don't care anymore, what you say or what you think, I'm in pain, all over my body, the scars are infected, my life is over, as I inject the last shot of meth, I say goodbye hopeing I would die , die slowly in pain, I light the candles there on fire, I step into the bathtub, water burning, I take my last step in life, I try to cry but it's impossible to me, I'm in so much pain, I can't take it anymore , JJ is after me , trying to kill me, I just want to escape , I'm melting and falling to peices blood all over, ready to die, but then I see you, your face is shocked, you yell and cry, I can't stand to see you hurt, I try to crawl out, but it's to late, body is numb and now all I hear is sirens ringing, your crying, police trying to save my life, I feel so numb, but I don't care, this is the end and now I say, goodbye... *Elizabeth Ramos/Constance McMann/Charlotte McMann/Josephina "Paid2Kill" Hernandez; xxGotNoPleasurexc -"Seeing Me, Elizabeth Ramos , It's Like Reading A Nightmare" (my hallucination alternate life) , by me Sara Berger/Alisa Alvarez- _____Walk into the classroom with your head held high, say hello to everyone inside, my greetings warm and friendly, but when I go outside I remember that I don't have a home, and I feel alone, remember the day I dressed you up for school? The day I cried when I said my goodbye? As you got on that bus and drove away? You don't know what goes on through closed doors, at school everything seems fine , I sit down and do my work quietly and I see all my friends, and act like it's all alright , I'm scared to get in the car , what's gonna happen as soon as I leave my second home? Behind my smile and my hard work and kindness is someone broken and damaged, I can't show it besides behind closed doors. I walk into my house , no parents home, my sister Constance Ramos is inside sitting on the couch, waiting for me to come in with my substances, I pass out the liquor and the cocaine and get high every second of the day, I never had real parents cuz my dad was a physcotic killer and my mom got sent to jail for drugs , aggression , and sexual assault. My dad abused me 24/7 and put a gun to my moms head countless times, and beat her till she bleed and suffocated, he was a serial killer addicted to meth and crack cocaine, and my whole life he beat us to death , tortured us, till we blackout, and cut us up, and abused us to death. Finally he got sent to jail and he killed himself, so I didn't have a dad, no parents, I had to raise myself, my mom was so traumatized that she got Alzheimer's, she was like a 2 year old, she couldn't take care of me and she had physcotic episodes, then the police came cuz she started shooting her shotgun at the wall and all around the house and then at me as she was screaming "I wish you were dead, just like your father, go get raped or killed and kill yourself" she was not in reality she got hijacked and possessed and thought I was her husband and thought I was someone else, she didn't knew who I was, I was like a stranger and so was she, just a blank cold dis activated stranger, she wasn't my mom she was an animal who didn't know reality, and I was like bait to her for her physcotic episodes, then she drowned my head in the tub and burned me and tortured me worse then my dad as she got possessed, she shoved my head against the wall beating me and suffocating to death and stabbing me and torturing me, then she took her shotgun and pointed it towards my head, before she raped me while I was on the toilet and injected drugs into me, the police took her away and I moved to a foster home. The house parents were drug dealers, and they were crude and physcotic, they raped all the children and murdered them, they tortured us like a murderer would but we had to keep it a secret, shhhhhh they said, very quiet, they abused us bad and attempted to kill us, mainly me and this other kid Erin Vanity, we both got brain damaged , our bodies were bloody and scarred , I took Erin in as my little brother and we grew close, but he was low functioning as well, so I had to teach him, one night when we were sleeping I got a call from the neighborhood police department , saying my mom died after she got arrested she jumped out of the car and into the freeway, so I never had parents. I went through 24 foster homes where we were tortured and on drugs, finally me and Erin were on the streets for 2 years doing crazy physcotic illegal shit and killing , and that's where I met this girl named Constance Ramos who was also on the streets, she took us in and we became family , The Ramos Family, we lived together , and then Johnny Garcia came into our lives, he became my master , and me and him and his father Presly got possessed and raised hell (definition for torturing killing and doing physcotic insane and murderous Satanistic shit) he was my master and were physco insane , dysfunctional killers, and we raised hell all day and all night, doing the craziest shit u can think of, and I came home to Constance snorting cocaine and Erin smoking and having a physcotic episode, trashing the house and he was mentally 2 years old. I had no family all my life has been trauma, so I continued to raise hell with Johnny , then he took us to NXSP , a world of controlled programs we went there and raised hell like Satan would have but worse, we became physcotic killers , everybody was, finally I had a home, we were controlled and possessed and our minds were controlled and damaged and we were controlled by our minds and by our programs, I went there to raise hell , I came into the real world and they possessed me and I was out doing crazy physcotic Satanistic shit just as bad as in NXSP, I went insane and my mom was out of it (my mom in the real world) , her little girl was gone I became possessed as Elizabeth Ramos, raising hell and I still had no one so besides being physcotic and living in NXSP and dealing with possessed possessive insane hallucinations and turning me into a possessed physcotic person, i pretended to be fine. I came to school like nothing was wrong, I said my hellos and friendly greetings, but behind closed doors I was raising hell in NXSP, going crazy as Sara and Elizabeth, doing crazy shit in both of my lives. You still don't know what happens behind closed doors, cuz it isn't what it seems, when your seeing me, Elizabeth Ramos .