#funnily enough I feel like some of his 'negative' traits are also some of his most positive ones | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crystal-moon-101 · 3 years

Photo

Managed to do another redesign with rewrite notes, this time my second favourite character in Ben 10, Azmuth The First Thinker. And just like Ben, he's canon self is such a mess that I wish to fix in my own way. The other Galvans in this picture are his family, with his father from the movie "Destroy All Aliens", his nephews mentioned by DJW, and their mother who is Azmuth's twin sister. So let me get into the notes and rewrite ideas of mine!

-Retaliator-

Yes, I am aware that this is most likely not his name, but I could not be bothered to make up my own at this point, and I also find it funny to have a Galvan dad called this, so I'm sticking with it. So Retaliator is the father of both Azmuth and Divi, a very humble and calm old galvan, who has seen a lot through his years, now retired and mostly just trying to keep the family together through small things.

Retaliator has the rare gene of having aqua/turquoise eyes, a recessive trait in galvans, similar to human with the red hair gene.

Retaliator looks younger than he should be, and that's because he is, in a way. You see, right before Azmuth vanished to start working on the watch, Retaliator fell ill to an disease with no known cure, and this caused the family to...kind of break down. A lot had happen up to this point (Things that will be noted throughout this), and none of them wanted things to end like this. So Azmuth did something he know he shouldn't have, as such a thing takes so much time and resource, and generally frowned upon, and ended up creating a new young clone body for his father's brains to be transferred too. By the time Retaliator woke up from surgery, his son was already gone, off in hiding. It this was event that really made Retaliator realize he may not have been the best father for a long time...

While he is retired now, Retaliator use to do work based around energy stuff.

Since he's family's back together, he likes to host game or movie nights, or even little dinners and get togethers.

He adores his grandsons, and loves to share stories from his past to them, and he's one of the few people they calm down around.

He will admit that he did...go a bit wild when he thought Azmuth died, fighting Ben in the Galvanic Mechamorph suit, but him and Ben have since made up, and the old galvan likes talking to the young lad often.

He has most defiantly embarrassed both of his kids by showing off baby photos of them.

He met his wife through work, like most galvans, with her being a much higher up worker. Surprisingly, despite their statuses, it was his wife who asked him out first, having found him very charming.

Retaliator can never thank Ben enough for convincing his son to come home, and despite their bickering, he enjoys seeing Azmuth's bond with Ben, as the two have a way of balancing each other out.

While he may be in a younger body, his mind is certainly still that of an old galvan, and can often act like his body is older than it really is due to the mental age of his brain.

-Azmuth-

Ahhhh, dear old Azmuth, how I love your character concept, and yet get so frustrated with your actual canon self...There is a lot I have changed in terms of his placement and behavior on the show, and while I can't note all of them down there, the major theme behind them is that he is not a complete jerk in them. Don't get me wrong, Azmuth would still have flaws and issues with his off-standing nature, but he would act in a way that feels more natural, showing his growth and change while mentoring Ben. He genuinely wants to help and is a good person, it's just...he still has a lot to work through. In terms of his slight redesign, I'll like to mention that if you look closely, his outfit is a mixture of his first original outside, crossed with his UAF outfit.

I did mention that I couldn't note all changes of him in series plots, since most boil down to be him being nicer and more realistic, but I will note one change because it's big enough to mention. For the Diagon/Forever Knight Arc, Azmuth did not create Ascalon, because I while I get he's smart and created things like the Omnitrix, I don't think he should be such a big source of dangerous artifacts in the series so often, especially ones that cause trouble. So instead, Ascalon was a weapon crafted in Ledgerdomain, to help fight Diagon who orientated there, and at the time had been trying to conquer earth, and Zenith leaving Azmuth happened because of miscommunication and issues between them instead.

That being said, Azmuth does get involved in the Ultimate Alien Diagon arc when Ben himself calls Azmuth over, needing his help knowing he can better understand Ascalon, and eventually entrusted Azmuth and the Galvans to keep it and the trapped Diagon safe.

Azmuth and his sister had a very rebellious phase as teenagers/young adults, this being the age that Azmuth said he was a lot like Ben, though admittedly, Azmuth was slightly more of an ass than Ben ever was. They were going through a tough time, and Azmuth reacted negatively too it all. Funnily enough, the one thing that seems to make him doo a 180 degrees in personality was his massive swooning crush over Zenith.

He won't ever admit out loud, but he does find Ben's trait of nicknaming his aliens kind of funny...

He shares a mentoring role towards Ben with Grandpa Max and Tetrax, with Max handling the more emotional and human side of Ben's problems, Tetrax handling the physical training and teachings, and Azmuth handling the more logical steps and hard truth Ben needs to hear. He's one of the few people to give Ben the smack of reality he needs from time to time.

That being said, Ben is also one of the few people able to handle Azmuth right back, and give him needed talkings to when the man is losing himself to a bad habit.

Mostly due to the fact that Tennysons seem to have a habit of making people very close to them like family, E.g with Ben seeing Kevin and Rook like brother figures at times, there seems to be subtle hints between Azmuth and Ben that there might be parent and child like moments between them, though both would deny it if brought up.

It doesn't help that Azmuth ends up taking it upon himself on making sure Ben is healthy and happy, based on scans from the Omnitrix he reads daily. Of course, he'll just say he doesn't want the boy he entrusted his watch with to die in a stupid way, but people close to either of them know that Azmuth really does care deep down.

He has said both "I'm too old for this" and "I'm too young for this" many times.

Azmuth has admitted that he's nervous around the Omnitrix, and doesn't like putting it on. He's not good at handling the idea of becoming something he's not...

The Malware arc for Azmuth was...a lot more complicated than canon. Azmuth really did try to fix Malware, but for some reason he couldn't, and it scared him that one, this might be the first problem he can't find a solution too, and second, he just came back from hiding and had been wanting to make changes in his life, so to fail and hurt someone already? He didn't know what to think. It didn't help when Malware started refusing his help and ended up endangering the lives of others, including galvans and Azmuth's own family. And despite it all, Azmuth kept trying over and over again to let him help Malware, but the villain always refused, until Azmuth eventually had to accept that he couldn't do anything. When Malware was finally killed, Azmuth went quiet for a good while, and needed time to recover from his mistake.

Due to some past issues, Azmuth mostly refers to his father by his real name, and only calls him dad or father during emotional or quiet moments.

Whenever they're hanging out, Ben likes to bring him and Azmuth cricket smoothies to drink together.

Despite how they seem to bicker often, Myaxx and him play off each other rather well, able to dry wit each other every day.

Azmuth and Albedo's relationship is also very complicated. Before Azmuth returned, Albedo was an outstanding Galvan and protégé, being praised every single day. This, unfortunately, made Albedo develop a prideful nature and his close minded views on the galaxy, as he rarely was ever put down or critiqued. His ego also got a bit of a boost when the great Azmuth took notice of him, and made him his assistant, and while he loved it at first, some issues started to arise when Azmuth wasn't like the other Galvans who praised Albedo to no end. That isn't to say Azmuth never complimented him and liked his work, but he was an honest man who knew no one was perfect, and especially wasn't going to worship someone, knowing what kind of ego that could make in someone. It doesn't help that Albedo just can't understand what Azmuth sees in Ben, and how the two bond, despite Ben's young careless nature, and being human. It ends up making Albedo want a lot more from Azmuth, the man he looks up too, and when he's denied that he eventually turns his back on the First Thinker. Azmuth can only hope that being able to turn into other aliens, and being stuck as human, will teach Albedo that Galvans, including himself, aren't what make the galaxy function.

Azmuth is typically one of the must unfazed people you'll ever meet.

Given most Galvans have an issue of seeing themselves as the top race, Azmuth is kind of fond of Blukic and Driba for being very open and helpful to outsiders, and was even the one to suggest them to join the Plumbers.

Zenith and Azmuth too meet up again eventually, and while they don't get back together, they do make amends.

Azmuth was fairly small for a Galvan for a long time, until he finally hit his growth spurt late into his teen years, something his sister use to tease him over.

Greymatter's DNA mostly comes from Azmuth, meaning Ben actually looks like a Azmuth when he was young, his family having made comments about Ben being his "Clone".

-Divi-

Here we have the twin sister of Azmuth, Divi. A dry wit, no nonsense, sarcastic and feisty single mother of her three chaotic sons. Unlike Azmuth's father and nephews, she was something I had to completely make up from the spot, since Azmuth was said to have nephews, that meant he had to have a sibling, so it was fun to create someone with an interesting dynamic with Azmuth. She is, after all, one of the few people to exhibit some of those petty family squabbles out of him. So I hope you enjoy her and her sons.

As mentioned before, Azmuth and her went through rebellious phases after some downfall in their family life, with Divi jumping around jobs and never settling for one, and even dating another Galvan that neither Azmuth or Retaliator approved off. When Azmuth first left Galvan Prime to go into hiding, Divi and her boyfriend had still been dating. However, when he finally came home, he found the boyfriend to be gone, and Divi now a single mother to three sons. Azmuth never got a clear story what happened to the boyfriend, but he knows that the break up was nasty, and that the boyfriend isn't on Galvan Prime anymore.

Sometime after Divi had her children, she eventually settled for a job in the nursery/incubation centre on Galvan Prime, looking after eggs and newly hatched tadpoles before they go home with their parents.

Divi is quite a blunt and honest woman, who has no time for dragging things on, and while she may sound harsh, she ends up just wanting the best for people. In fact her open nature of speech is how she gets people to listen and see reason.

Her and Azmuth had a...bit of a dysfunctional relationship growing up. Azmuth was actually a slow learning when he was young, and Divi had a habit of picking on him. They did eventually mallow out, until tragedy struck their family and they entered their rebel phases, and the bickering and arguing come from both sides. They have made up since Azmuth returned, but the two have their squabbles here and there, but they're mostly just playful banter or family habits.

Her and Myaxx get along quite well, and the two like hanging out with each other.

She's also fond of Ben since meeting him, and the two like chatting whenever he plays with her sons, he's even babysat for her a few times.

She has no interest in dating again anytime soon, and is proud to be a single mother.

She's the one who points out Azmuth and Ben's family like roles to each other often, mostly due to the fact that she understands what a paternal feeling is like, and because she's blunt about it.

She got her wisdom feet first out of her and Azmuth growing up.

While Azmuth was off in hiding, Divi reconnected with his father when looking after to him after surgery. So, unlike Azmuth, she mostly just calls him father and dad.

-Trapez, Cieven & Aegls-

The three mischievous nephews, sons and grandsons of the family. Left to right, Trapez, Cieven & Aegls, who are the triplets of Divi. The three are like glue, and are often playing or up to little tricks, creating chaos around Galvan Prime. While they mostly look the same and are all tricksters, they do have personality differences. Trapez is the best when it comes to emotions and the phycology behind it, something most Galvans struggle with, and can come across as the kindest of the three. Cieven has a lot of traits from Divi and Azmuth, being fairly intelligent and wanting to be a lot like his uncle someday, though does have some of their sarcastic nature as well. Aegls is the most energetic of the three, hype up often and quick with crafting and thinking of ideas. When you combine all three together, you get a force of endless chaos.

Their mother has been honest to them about who their father is, and why he isn't around, but the three have grown up fine without him, and will forever be grateful for the work their mother put into caring for them.

They were born while Azmuth was away, and so have been building up hype about their missing uncle for most of their lives, enough so that when Azmuth did come back, they all tackled hugged him while he was still understanding the idea that he was now in fact an uncle.

They love Ben and the Omnitrix, roping Ben into some of their pranks and shenanigans, and while Ben mostly tries to stare them into the right direction, he can't help himself half the time and joins in on the chaos, much to Azmuth and Divi's dismay.

They do become a part of my Ben 10 Next Gen Series, given Galvans take forever to age, and will finally be young tweens when the Next Gen takes place.

The three each have different dream jobs for the future. Trapez wants to be a psychiatrist or doctor, Cieven wants to be an inventor, and Aegls was to deal with energy based matters like his grandfather once did.

Never give these kids sugar or coffee, it will end badly.

The three...had a bad encounter with Malware during his rampage, and for a while were scared around Galvanic Mechamorphs...They get over it eventually, but Malware does haunt them for a long while.

They once picked up some colourful language from Azmuth and Myaxx when overhearing them once. You can imagine how Divi took that.

-The First Thinker Family-

The traumatic event that struck the family was in fact the death of Azmuth and Divi's mother, who was killed by someone who was after Galvan Tech. The family fell apart after that, with Retaliator falling into a deep depression and being distant from his kids, and Azmuth and Divi going wild in their teen/young adult years to distract themselves from the grief. They've all come together now and have been taking the proper sets to honor her memory, and become a family again.

While no one has outright said it, Ben has kind of become part of this little family in a few ways, and after a while Azmuth stops being survived when the boy shows up for family dinners or game nights.

They all live on Galvan Prime, though Retaliator is known to take trips here and there around the galaxy, wanting to see more of it during his retirement.

On the outside, many Galvans treat the family as there wise people, who have sage advice. And while that isn't wrong, once you get to know them they're a very chaotic family...

#Hope you enjoy what I've done with Azmuth's character and his family #I just really want to get across how I think he should have gone #Ben 10 #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 ultimate alien #ben 10 alien force #Azmuth #Ben 10 Azmuth #Ben 10 OCs #Ben 10 Destroy All Aliens #My art #Ben 10 Rewrite #ben 10 redesign

86 notes · View notes

kob131 · 2 years

Note

Follow up: if you don't like Claude NOW you really won't like him in Three Hopes. Like legit, for a good couple of moments he singlehandedly ceased the Edelgard vs Dimitri discourse and united both sides against him. Funnily apropos in my opinion. If I could describe him, he's not necessarily AS ruthless as Edelgard but he's definitely just as dirty at least from a political angle.

I can 100% see that.

You know what, I'm gonna gather all my thoughts on Claude here and now so people can understand.

Originally I didn't mind Claude much in the Crimson Flower route. He and Dimitri, like Edelgard in Verdant Wind, were basically non-entities so I had no reason to dislike him. In the war period, he had far less time dedicated to him than Dimitri, who didn't have much in the first place. By the end, I thought he was an alright guy and given that I looked him up beforehand, I believed that the Verdant Wind route could make a good case for him.

I am currently at Chapter 14 and I highly doubt it. Claude is a deeply annoying and frustrating character. The guy early on has a few moments were he acts like he's going to do some shady and dishonorable shit but he never does. I'm guessing this is supposed to make him out to be the 'dashing rogue' type that he's designed as. But what it actually does is make Claude a dumbass because he knows people are biased against Almyrans and he wants to change that but these acts just give the people around him every reason to be biased against him even WITHOUT knowing his heritage. Just as well, I don't think Claude actually reveals his heritage to anyone in game outside of Byleth (though to be fair, he seems to imply it post-game for Hilda and Leonie at least). If he does in the main game I'll say otherwise but given his Byleth support- I doubt it.

And even if I were to ignore how Claude's general attitude shoots his own ideals in the foot, his goal is basically impossible. He wants to unite Foldan as well as the world to get rid of prejudice. Problem is- One would think that looking at the divided Foldan would hammer into his head: 'Hey...things aren't that simple, are they?' That maybe Claude would instead try to just start making the slow process of opening up the world so things can get better over time right? ... Nah, such complicated things are for lesser beings. Claude is Claude so even despite the fact that he's shooting himself in the foot all the time, he seems to come out on top no matter what!

And I do mean, no matter what. Because in any route besides hers, Edelgard will die. In any route not his, Dimitri will die. In most routes, Rhea can die without a high enough support. In all routes, Claude lives. No really, it's canon that Claude lives in all routes. A trait completely unique to him as a Lord. Going even further, Claude is by far treated with the softest touch by the narrative. In all routes, he's depicted, at worst, as just a good guy trying his best. In all routes, he's the one dragging you onto the dance floor as clearly the fun loving guy. In all routes, his foes don't like fighting him even though other people would make more sense (like Edelgard and Dimitri). This is the key difference between him and Edelgard. Unlike her, where she does show some kind of weakness or vulnerability on her route and outright negative traits on the others- Claude lacks that.

I'll be blunt- the guy comes across as a Mary Sue.

In a previous post, I mentioned that Verdant Wind reminded me of Devil Survivor's Law route. I'll explain here: In Devil Survivor's Law Route, not only do you get an unambiguously good, feel good ending but you also get a proper resolution to the backstory of how your protagonist came to get the power of Bel and their connection to Nayoa. Contrast this with the Chaos route (which lacks the happy ending unless you play the Overlord route in the 8th day AND lacks any major lore), The Neutral Route (which lacks any lore outside it's own characters) and the Atsuro route (which is unique). This alongside the fan favorite Amane being your ally as well as getting the character best suited for the Recarm Loop strategy for the Lucifier superboss. All of this despite the Angels being the worst of the factions, being the ones RESPONSIBLE for trapping you inside the Yamato circle and basically killing whoever doesn't fit their absurd standards while blaming everyone else.

It's the same here. Crimson Flower and (presumably) Azure Moon lack any major reveal of lore and it seems even Silver Snow is more solemn than Verdant Wind. It kind of feels like if you aren't doing the original Silver route, you're pushed to Verdant Wind and Claude. This in spite of the fact that Claude is the worst of the Lords and Rhea.

Could I be wrong and full of it? Completely yes and I welcome any rebuttals though I will push back if I feel that I was not proven wrong. But as for now: i can totally see the Dimitri fans with their better character development and the Edelgard fans with the whole rebel appeal setting their philosophical differences aside to beat the shit out of Claude.

4 notes · View notes

broadwaycutie16 · 4 years

Text

Earlier today, I watched a video by TheTake on YouTube, exploring and deconstructing the “Nice Guy” trope in popular media.

Basically, the trope explained the Nice Guy trope and how toxic it really is, devaluing the girl’s feelings in a relationship and promoting male entitlement. Now, I’ve heard many people in this fandom complain that Adrien Agreste is the embodiment of this trope. The underdog sweet boy, pining after a girl who has rejected his feelings multiple times, persisting in his romantic advances towards her despite her making her disinterest clear.

While I must admit that Adrien does check many of the boxes for the standard Nice Guy, I quickly remembered who else in the show, besides him, checks out many of the same boxes, and perhaps a few more than him. Someone who exhibits many of the same behaviors of the Nice Guy, but whose less-than-healthy attitude of love is often overlooked and/or pardoned by most of the fandom, while they bash Adrien for similar behaviors.

Can you guess who it is?

It’s Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

I know what you’re thinking. How dare I accuse Marinette of such a toxic mindset! She’s the hero of our story! She fights off the bitches that are bad for Adrien and yet he doesn’t even give her the love she deserves! Adrien is the one who should consider himself lucky that she adores him! Hashtag Marinette Deserves Better!

But you see that right there? That, my friends, is what makes Marinette Dupain-Cheng, in my opinion, more of a Nice Guy than Adrien Agreste.

The whole purpose of the Nice Guy trope is to make us root for the underdog. Because who doesn’t love a good story where the loser that everyone expected to fail spectacularly ends up winning it all in magnificent fashion? Almost every movie has it’s underdog. With sports movies, it’s the unathletic wimp with a skinny, small, and/or weak body. In high school movies, it’s the outcast weird kid who’s been ostracized by the popular crowd for their unusual interests and/or attitude. In romantic comedies, the underdog is the hopelessly romantic Nice Guy who adores the girl and worships her like a goddess, as opposed to the cooler, more aloof, more sociotially successful man who takes her for granted. And since the cardinal rule of feel-good films is that underdog must end up getting what he’s been wanting throughout the whole movie, the movie then directs the story narrative to favor the Nice Guy’s desires, manipulating the audience to cheer him on and, in the process, blatantly dismiss all his unhealthy behaviors and obsessive traits, like stalking the object of his affections or trying to edge out any competition he has.

Sound familiar? That’s because that’s exactly what many Marinette stans who are also Adrien haters do.

I’m not saying Marinette is a bad person, but as far as Nice Guys go, she has shown us many red flags. She often stalks Adrien, trying to sneak into parties she has not been invited to just to see him, or following him to his house when he goes to study with one of her enemies. She often tries to keep away any girls she sees as competition for Adrien. With Chloé and Lila, it’s semi-justifies, because they can be total bitches. But not Kagami.

Is Kagami kind of cold? Yes. Can she be competitive? Absolutely. But she is not evil. Many Adrienette shippers often hate on Kagami, saying she is a stone cold bitch who will stop at nothing to “steal” Adrien away from Marinette. They misinterpret what she whispered in Marinette’s ear during Frozer. Kagami said, “The reason you cannot stand on your feet is your hesitation. I never hesistate.” Adrienette shippers translate this to, “He’s mine, bitch. Back off, or I’ll kill you.” But what she’s ACTUALLY saying is, “I know you like Adrien, but I like him, too, and I’m not gonna just back off out of curtesy while you fumble the ball. So if you want Adrien, you’re going to have to win him from me fair and square. That means you have to suck up whatever insecurities you have and really work to win him over.” She knows Marinette loves Adrien, but Kagami loves him, too. And she’s not just gonna wait around for Marinette to get over her nervousness and ask Adrien out of curtesy. She’s telling Marinette that if she wants Adrien, she needs to get herself together and go after him while he’s still available.

Kagami is not a bad person. She is simply lacking in social experience to properly express her emotions and desires without coming off as an ice queen. And yet, many Adrienette shippers view her through the same toxic lens as many fans of romantic comedies view love rivals of the Nice Guy. If the rival is even the tiniest bit self-serving or emotionally detached, they are automatically dismissed as bad people and therefore, less worthy of the main love interest than the Nice Guy. Thus, viewers are quick to pardon any attempts made by the Nice Guy to sabotage or undermine his rival as a necessary evil, something that must be done so that “true love” can prevail. Like say, I dunno, setting the rival up to be humiliated at a fancy party, despite all that they did to supposedly deserve such treatment was show up to said event, which they were invited to, and act friendly towards the main love interest, because they ARE friends?

If the scenario seems familiar, that’s because that’s exactly what Marinette tried to do to Kagami in Animeastro.

One thing I’ve noticed about this fandom, is that people seem to have a double standard when it comes to Marinette’s negative behaviors vs. Adrien’s. In Glaciator, Adrien seems to accept Ladybug’s rejection, claiming that her friendship was what mattered most, then takes back everything he said in Frozer, acting salty towards Ladybug for her earlier second rejection. After that, the whole fandom was on his case, calling him a jerk and a liar.

Am I happy Adrien went back on his word like that? Of course not. But in that same episode of Frozer, Marinette accepts that she may not be more than Adrien’s friend, and even helps him on his date with Kagami, despite her heartache and despite how everyone thought she was crazy for doing so. Super sweet, right? Except when Animeastro happens, she goes back on her mature acceptance and teams up with her worst enemy, all for the purpose of embarrassing the same girl who she supposedly accepted Adrien might like instead of her. Funnily enough, no one in the fandom seemed to give her any flack for that, despite the fact that it was an exhibitation of the same possessive, hypocrital and selfish behavior that Adrien displayed earlier on, which everyone hated on him for.

Many Marinette fans are projecting the same toxic, biased mindset onto her that fans of romantic comedies project onto the Nice Guy. They excuse any negative behaviors done by the protagonist, insisting that it’s for the greater good, all while hating on the love interest for not immediately falling into their arms. They prioritize the needs and feelings of the Nice Guy/Marinette while completely disregarding those of their love interests.

Marinette stans insist that she deserves Adrien’s love more than anyone else, bashing Adrien for overlooking her in favor of other girls. After all, Marinette has done so much for Adrien, while all Ladybug does is reject him in favor of some other guy, despite how he’s put his heart and life on the line for her. That means he should just cast aside his feelings for Ladybug and settle for Marinette, right? Well, by those standards, shouldn’t Ladybug do the same? After all, Chat Noir has risked his life for her several times and made it clear he adores her, while all Adrien has done is ignore her feelings in favor of other girls, even though she’s been right there the whole time. If Adrien should ignore some of Marinette’s stalker tendacies and easily-jealous nature, shouldn’t Ladybug be able to overlook some of Chat Noir’s less-than-acceptable behaviors?

Marinette fans often share the mindset of Nice Guy stans of romance as a moral issue, harboring the idea that goodness and unwavering affection should automatically earn romantic feelings. They believe that being nice to someone automatically means they owe it to you to love you back. Sadly, life isn’t that clear cut. Love is often given to someone, whether they deserve it or not. It’s both the best and worst part of it. This close-minded, morally black-and-white mindset is given to fans by the Nice Guy, as it’s his expectation that his being kind to the girl and showering her with romance should mean that she should know he is the one for her.

Sadly, this thinking by the Nice Guy is often hypocrital in the movies, because the same Nice Guy is attracted in his crush at least in part to some sort of superficiality (ex. she’s beautiful, popular, dresses well, is the Cool Girl who drinks beer and watches sports while looking hot in a tank top and short shorts). He says she’s superficial for not wanting a dork like him, but it’s not like he’s looking around for some socially-awkward, plain-faced girl on his own level or lower and falling for HER because of HER kind treatment of him and the intensity of HER feelings. Fans get upset when Adrien the teen heartthrob doesn’t give Marinette her due attention, but it’s not like they’re clamoring for her to settle for Nathanael in “Evillistrator” or Nino in “Animan”, even though they had intense feelings for her and were kind to her.

Because of the partial superficiality of the Nice Guy’s attraction to his crush, he has this fantasy built up in his head. He puts her up on this pedestal, much like the pedestal Marinette puts Adrien on. It gets to the point that he’s in love with the IDEA of her, this image of a perfect angel that he’s made her out to be, and not the real her. He refuses to admit that she is flawed, much like how Marinette overlooks Adrien’s doormat attitude and overwillingness to forgive, seeing him instead as the perfect boy who can do no wrong. This is a set up for disappointment later on, as when the love interest does not do what the Nice Guy expects from her, like instantly return his love, the illusion that he has so carefully crafted for his pleasure is shattered, and everything goes downhill.

Many people blame the love interests for not instantly favoring the Nice Guy once he’s shown his romantic dorky side, thinking they should pick up on the feelings right away, like it’s their job to know who they should be with immediately upon meeting them, that it’s their fault they miss the signs. But this misconception shifts blame away from the Nice Guy for not properly acting on his feelings. This is where the Nice Guy becomes his own worst enemy. He automatically convinces himself that he’s below the girl’s standards and gives up before he even tries. He hesitates to act on his feelings, much like Marinette is so certain that Adrien is out of her league that she lets her insecurities get the better of her and avoids confessing to Adrien or even talking to him because she’s sure she’ll mess up before she even tries. Then when the girl doesn’t immediately realize that she is loved, despite getting no clear signs or even the words “I love you”, she is blamed for leading the Guy on, much like how Adrien is blamed for not recognizing the mixed signals from Marinette as affection.

Even after Adrien has told her that he loves another girl, Marinette still decides to keep pursuing him, much like Chat Noir kept pursuing Ladybug even after she told him she loved someone. Yet, while Adrien is bashed for not immediately accepting her choice and working to move on, Marinette is pardoned from not accepting Adrien’s feelings in the matter. Viewers excusing all her Nice Guy traits while prosecuting Adrien for displaying all the same traits is what makes Marinette, in my opinion, more of a Nice Guy than him. Because the Nice Guy is usually the one that shippers root for, despite the warning signs of their behavior and the fact that the love interest has said flat out that they are not into them that way.

Do I think that Marinette is a bad person? No. Do I condone Adrien’s behavior over hers? Absolutely not. But these are fictional characters. We can’t control their flaws or talk some sense into them anymore than we can change the past or rewrite the movies that have sold us this one-sided mindset. I don’t hold their flaws against them and act like their imperfections define their whole character. I focus on the good they do, and if the characters forgive them, I forgive them, because they’re the ones who choose who to forgive, who to love, who to be friends with. So kiss off, Adrien salters. Y’all are a bunch of hypocrites. Peace out.

#adrien agreste #adrien x marinette #adrienette #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous ladybug #miraculous season 3 #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #miraculous salt #ml salt #adrien sugar #adrien deserves better #anti Adrien salt #Adrien stan #adrien protection squad #ml fandom salt #salters salt

75 notes · View notes

immortalcoelacanth · 4 years

Text

HLVRAI Oneshot: Panic

Here I am flicking back through my massive collection of wips and slowly chipping away at them since I have some neat ideas stashed away I want to actually finish and not just leave in limbo for ten thousand years XD

Word count: 3610

Summary: There were only three things that Benrey was truly scared of. The first, skeletons. The second was Gordon hating him. The third…Was the sound of Joshua crying.

Fear.

An emotion Benrey had little to no experience with.

Of course, that did not mean that he never felt fear, but it was rare for something to make him feel afraid. Pain never frightened him due to his natural healing abilities, considered to be more of an annoyance than something bad, nor was he scared of death.

Being able to respawn had its benefits, after all.

It was somewhat ironic that he had only started to feel fear, genuine fear, after sneaking into Black Mesa and taking on the role of being a security guard. In the darkness of those labs he had seen something.

Something that reminded him of why he had fled in the first place. A flashback to the moment he had first felt that heart-stopping, nauseating sense of dread and fear.

Benrey was scared of skeletons. Not just his own in that metaphorical closet, but of those that followed and watched. The ones whose whispered words floated through the air, indecipherable to all but him.

Their promises and threats.

Skeletons never forgot.

… Working at Black Mesa had also brought about more chances for him to interact with the local humans, and not so humans, that he worked with. Most of them were pretty bland, sounding monotonous and bored, but he had managed to make friends with some of the more… explosive, and energetic personalities.

Like Gordon.

His introduction and subsequent interactions with Gordon brought about his second experience with fear. Not that he was scared of the man, despite all the times Gordon had shot at him or threatened him. It was like watching an angry kitten hiss and spit.

Adorable, and not at all threatening.

No, his fear revolved around Gordon hating him. Disliking him, fighting with him, and all those other icky negative feelings. The anger that had taken over the earlier part of their budding friendship had been… painful, to say the least. Every time he interacted with Gordon, he felt scared.

Scared in a way that he had never felt when interacting with others. Scared he would mess up and never be able to fix his mistake. Scared he would hurt Gordon-

And he had.

It was awful feeling such a way, looking back and cringing at how his fear tainted nearly every interaction he had with Gordon. How hard he had pushed for friendship, for companionship, without really conveying his intentions or how he felt. It was something he still struggled with, discussing things that seemed obvious to so many people but were confusing, downright alien, to him.

But, in the end, everything had worked out alright and he had managed to apologize for the pain he had caused and what he had done, and Gordon had apologized as well. A welcome surprise that helped set their relationship down a more positive path, even if that fear still lurked in the back of his mind.

Fortunately, Gordon was there to reassure him and help work through any problems.

His third source of fear, funnily enough, involved Gordon’s son, Joshua.

Joshua Freeman.

Like his father, Benrey was not scared of the young boy. In all actuality, he cared about him immensely. Little Joshie was a bro, a cool cat, and the second human Benrey had found himself truly caring for. They were not quite family, but those protective instincts were there.

The want to keep Joshua safe, to make sure he was happy and healthy no matter what.

Which was why Benrey was so, very scared.

Kids were small, fragile, and that made it all the easier for them to get hurt, or die. Plus some kids could be downright nasty to their peers, something Benrey had learned about first hand when the school had contacted Gordon about a situation. Things were fine now, but the immense amount of dread and worry, the fear, that had filled Benrey upon learning about what happened had been… something, to say the least.

Gordon needed to fix a total of four, thankfully small, holes in the ceiling afterwards.

It would not be correct to say that Benrey hovered over Joshua as his protective feelings culminated in a sort of awareness. He did not hover, but he was aware of the young boy, aware of where he was and what he was doing. There were times where he was even aware of Joshua’s heartbeat.

Something that helped quite a bit when Benrey was awake and Joshua was caught in a nightmare.

Funnily enough, these traits made Benrey the perfect fit for acting as a sort of babysitter when Gordon had to go out and leave Joshua at home. Since the boy already had a slight grasp on how to take care of himself, such as making sandwiches with leftovers and how to clean up after himself, it made the whole “watching over the kid and keeping him from dying” significantly easier.

… Granted, Benrey still had to take a crash course on what not to do when taking care of human kids.

Accidental toxin consumption, drowning in a tub, tripping and cracking their head on something-

Kids were just so. Damn. Fragile.

Fear, fear, and more fear. The fear that something would happen to Joshua when he was not paying attention. The fear of what might happen, the dozens of possible situations. Fires and explosions, and sudden earthquakes-

Babysitting was a bit of a challenge for Benrey, to say the least.

Fortunately, Joshua was a pretty responsible kid with a good head on his shoulders, and while there was the occasional mishap that would occur, it was never anything too serious.

… Until now, that is.

Things had been going smoothly, Joshua and Benrey were gaming together while Gordon was out with Shea completing whatever important information thingy they needed to do. Benrey knew that it involved Joshua in some regard, something involving his sleep therapist? Maybe? Whatever it was, the young boy had not expressed an interest in going, so it had been decided that Benrey would watch over him until Gordon came back.

A simple plan that was easy to execute. Just make sure Joshie ate, did his homework, and didn’t get too bored.

Simple, that is, until Benrey heard the sounds of Joshua crying in another room.

He immediately jumped up out of the chair he had been seated in and sprinted towards where the sounds were coming from. He quickly noted that the crying was coming from Joshua’s room, and without hesitating he ran inside.

There he found the young boy seated on the carpeted floor, one leg bent and tucked up against his chest while his arms were tightly wrapped around it. His hands were clasped tightly over his wounded knee and his head, which had previously been facing the ground, snapped up to stare at Benrey.

Tears were already falling out of the corner of Joshie’s eyes. It made him cringe at the sight, discomfort building up within him.

“it’s gonna be okay, joshie bro.” Benrey soothed as he crouched down in front of the crying boy, looking him in the eye while sending him what he hoped was a reassuring smile that conveyed none of his worries. “gonna get you fixed up lickity split.”

Okay, Joshie was hurt, but Gordon had given him an overview on how to fix cuts and scrapes. First he had to check it out, then he had to clean it, and then slap a bandaid or some other bandage on it depending on the size. Easy problem, easy fix-

Benrey’s train of thought came to an abrupt halt as his eyes landed on the boy’s scraped knee, fixating on the droplets of blood that were slowly budding up with the occasional droplet rolling down and leaving a streak of crimson in its wake.

Blood, blood-

Gordon, hunched over and full of panic, of fear. Eyes wide in the gloom as the soldiers manhandled him, pinning him in place. His struggling.

His pleading.

His screaming as the blade dug into his arm, blood spurting out of the freshly made wound. The stench of copper permeating the air.

Tommy desperately trying to get to Gordon, Coomer holding the other man back before he got hurt.

The cracking sound of bone breaking.

Gordon dropping to the ground, screams reaching a pitch higher than Benrey thought possible.

An arm, discarded, as the pool of blood around the nearly unconscious man grew.

It was all his fault-

Unbeknownst to Benrey, Joshua had quickly picked up on the change in his mood. He sniffled, wiped his eyes once more, and took stock of the situation. Benrey definitely looked upset, and was still staring at his knee.

First he stood up, wincing as a sharp sting of pain jolted through his knee, but he ignored it in favour of focusing on Benrey. The man’s breathing was quick and raspy, his skin pale, and it looked like he was sweating. He seemed to be staring at some very far away, trembling the entire time.

It reminded Joshua of something his father had gone through, a panic attack. He knew his dad took medication for it sometimes, but he knew it would be a bad idea to give Benrey some.

You never, ever gave someone medication that did not belong to them. An important lesson both his parents had instilled in him.

Fortunately, his dad has also been taught different things that would help calm him down, which he had then passed on to Joshua. Surprisingly enough, the young boy found them to be useful when he was feeling quite anxious, so if they helped him and helped his dad, then it made sense that maybe those methods would help Benrey too!

But before he could help Benrey, he needed to help himself and fix whatever had caused the man to panic so bad in the first place. Maybe then he would start to calm down and feel better. With a plan in mind, Joshua nodded to himself and rushed to the bathroom where he knew the first aid kit was kept, wanting to be away from Benrey for as little time as possible.

After scrubbing off the bit of blood that was still staining his skin with some warm water, and wincing a bit from the friction, he quickly dried his knee off and placed a bandaid over the wound. Now it was all covered up and fixed!

And hopefully would not cause Benrey to get worse…

Joshua rushed back to his room, Benrey thankfully still in the same spot and just as out of it as he was before. A determined look crossed the young boy’s face as he swiftly got to work. Carefully grabbing the man’s arm, Joshua shook the limb to see if he could snap him out of his panicked state this way.

“Benrey? You okay?”

Nothing. No response.

Dejection set in for a moment before Joshua brushed his feelings to the side, focusing on continuing with his next plan. Still holding onto Benrey’s arm, he started trying to pull the man towards his bed. Of course, there were several problems with this plan, like the fact that Joshua lacked the real strength to move the catatonic man, but to his surprise, his actions garnered a response.

Granted, it was only Benrey looking at him, eyes still blank and breathing uneasy, but it was something!

Joshua smiled at the progress and got to work on trying to get him to move. It took some time, and careful maneuvering combined with some soft-spoken suggestions, but eventually he was able to achieve his goal.

Once Benrey was finally settled on his bed, Joshua got to work doing what he could to help him feel comfortable. A weighted blanket was placed on his shoulders and a stuffed animal was placed in his arms, Benrey instinctively tightly holding onto the toy and rubbing the soft, warm fur.

Slowly but surely, Benrey started to calm down. First, his breathing began to slow, returning to a more normal pace, and then the trembling eventually came to a halt. Encouraged by these hopeful changes, Joshua stayed glued to his side, softly humming under his breath as he kicked his legs.

He would wait for Benrey, no matter how long it took.

Fortunately, the man was slowly roused from his frightened state, awareness returning to him. His eyes opened and he blinked slowly, as if he was just waking up from a dream, before glancing at the worried boy beside him. Benrey mumbled, voice strangely quiet and weak.

“joshie?”

“Mhm?” Joshua paused in the kicking of his legs in order to look up at the man, eyes wide and full of worry. “You feeling better, Benrey?”

“... yeah.” He replied after thinking about how best to respond. “thanks for… uh, helping me out and stuff. real pro gamer move.”

Joshua beamed at his words, mood brightening in an instant, and he opened his mouth to ask if the man needed anything. However, before he could start speaking, Benrey continued his train of thought.

“you... you shouldn’t have to… deal with this. with me. i’m sorry.” He mumbled as he huddled up in the blanket, hiding his face from view. He felt…

Like a disappointment, pathetic he had forced Joshua to deal with his problem, sad to know that the boy had seen him in such a state, angry with himself-

Bad.

He felt really, really bad.

Benrey was snapped out of his mental torment by the sensation of someone touching his knee. He jolted and looked back at Joshua, easily noticing how much more concerned the boy had gotten in response to his silence.

He winced.

He didn’t want to make Joshie feel bad, too.

Then again, that was practically his specialty at this point. Making people feel bad. How many times had he made Gordon rage, shout and curse, or breakdown due to his shenanigans. How many times had he felt Tommy’s silent disappointment and the weight of the team pressing down upon him.

How many times would he make Joshie feel bad-

“oof!” The sudden weight against his side knocked both those thoughts from Benrey’s mind, as well as the air from his lungs. He wheezed softly as he instinctively wrapped an arm around Joshua.

Joshua, who had in a moment of brilliance, decided to fling himself at the man in order to hug him.

“Don’t think sad things.” Joshua insisted as he buried his face into Benrey’s shoulder.

“i’m not-” Benrey started to object before the boy continued speaking.

“You are sad! Dad gets the same look on his face when he thinks about sad stuff.” The boy huffed, clinging tightly to Benrey. “Like… when he and mom first split up, he always looked so sad. Like he had done something bad and felt guilty.”

Well, this conversation had taken quite the accidental, serious turn. Rarely had he ever heard Joshua talk about the divorce, same with Gordon and Shea. From what he knew the family had managed to cope quite well with the two adults separating, but dramatic shows about breakups, the law, and hospitals, had shown him that humans generally did not feel good after such a thing, and the last thing he wanted was for Joshua to linger and think about potentially bad stuff. Time to talk and change topics, even if he did not want to.

“i... i’m supposed to-to watch over you and stuff. keep you safe, but… but i didn’t. that’s bad.”

“But it’s not your fault! You didn’t do anything bad!” Joshua objected, backing up a bit so he could look Benrey in the eye, despite the man doing his best to avoid eye contact. His fingers dug deeply into the plushie, and his breathing grew faster.

He messed up, he messed up, he messed up-

Seeing that the conversation was going to go nowhere with Benrey getting all panicked, the young boy decided it would be best to stay quiet for now and help him relax. The last thing he wanted was for Benrey to feel sad or guilty, he had seen enough of that when his father and mother apologized to him for their separation, and it always made Joshua feel weird.

Nothing bad was happening to him, if anything it was nice to see his parents become happier, to see them less stressed. He wanted Benrey to be happy, for him to never have to go through a panic attack like that again.

But… that also meant he would need help that Joshua could not provide. He needed the stuff that helped his dad, adult things he knew little about, but hopefully his dad would know something about how to help.

As Benrey slowly calmed down from his second panic attack, Joshua spoke up once more, wanting to talk about one last thing before he left the man alone to rest and recover.

“Benrey… can I tell dad about what happened?”

The question made Benrey immediately cringe in discomfort, ducking his head and hiding himself under more of the blanket until only his glowing eyes were visible.

“you... uh, you gotta do that?”

“Dad knows more about this kinda stuff, so he’d be able to help!”

Help…? With… whatever that was? With his fears? The thought of such a thing was unsettling to say the least. In all his years, Benrey had never actively sought out help, his interactions with Gordon being outliers of course.

What would being helped entail, anyways? Would Gordon try to get him to go to therapy, something that would never, ever truly be able to help him, or would the physicist push him to find help from other sources.

“you sure you wanna bother feetman about this?” Benrey asked, wanting to both distract himself from the darker thoughts lurking in the back of his mind, and out of genuine curiosity. “you... you really wanna help? why?”

“Because I don’t want you to feel bad, and dad doesn’t either.” Joshua replied, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re important to us, you’re dad’s gamer boyfriend! And my… uh, I’m not sure, but you’re still family, and family helps family!”

“... joshie, bro, you-you’re breaking my heart, my man.” Benrey mumbled as he sent the boy a shaky smile. He still felt fairly drained from his two panic attacks, especially since he could feel the lingering dread and fear, but he did his best to push it to the side for now.

Later, he could deal with it later.

… Hopefully with Gordon.

“So that’s a yes?”

“yuuuuuuup, it’s a pog-ya.” The man grinned as he reached out to ruffle the boy’s hair. “you... you did good joshie, real good, with the uhhhhhhh helping and stuff. emotions are bleck, super unpoggers.”

Eyes full of love and support, Joshua leaned forward and hugged Benrey. “It’s okay to not be okay. Dad says it’s healthy to cry when you feel really sad and to ask for help when you need it.”

“... feetman’s got a point sometimes.” He was unable to fully suppress the tears that quickly built up in the corners of his eyes, the words hitting home for some strange reason.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to ask for help.

It’s okay to cry.

A string of dull sweet voice escaped Benrey, and Joshua hugged him even tighter. This was the worst time to be having such an emotional revelation, but then again he supposed there was no good time to contemplate facing such a vulnerable part of him, to think about addressing his fears and emotions.

Emotions he had tried so hard to suppress, to hide, but always bubbled up and hurt him in the end.

You couldn’t run from your own shadow, after all.

“know when feetman’s gonna be back?” He asked as he let out a quiet sigh, more of that dull sweet voice filling the air. He felt so tired, so drained. All he wanted was to take a nap and wake up in twenty years.

… Not that he could, of course. Too many games to play and too many special moments between him, Joshie, and Gordon he would miss.

“Nope.” Joshua replied while shaking his head. “Want me to stay?”

Damn this kid could be so observant.

“... can if you wanna.” Benrey muttered while flopping onto his side and hiding himself more under the blanket, making the signature benrrito they all knew and loved.

Rather than verbally respond, Joshua just scooted over a bit so he was leaning against Benrey’s back. After cuddling up to the exhausted man, he started humming.

The tune was simple, soft, and definitely from some Sonic game that Benrey could not identify at the moment. It was one of the older ones, that was for sure, older in the context of the series’ lifespan rather than actual age, and it helped him calm down further.

Slowly, his eyes began to shut and his breathing evened out. The tension that had gripped his body faded, and the chill that had taken over him began to fade due to the warmth of the blanket combined with Joshua’s presence.

He was still scared. Scared of his reaction to the bl-

…

The red stuff that was definitely not cherry sauce, and he was scared of what that reaction meant. He was scared to think about such things, things he had never contemplated before.

Scared to confront what he had ignored for so long. But, even with this fear, he would try.

It’s okay to ask for help.

He would try. Try for Joshua, for Gordon, and just maybe for himself, too.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

God, every character I write needs therapy XD

I hope you all enjoyed reading!

- ImmortalCoelacanth

#my story #fanfiction #hlvrai #hlvrai benrey #hlvrai joshua #hurt/comfort #panic attacks #benrey has ptsd and needs help #joshua is a sweet boy who just wants to help #brief description of gordon's arm being cut off #blood #traumatic flashbacks #hlvrai fic

18 notes · View notes

ravenhilarious · 4 years

Text

sometimes I fear that Logan is becoming the Hermione of this fandom

elaboration under the cut. this will discuss the Harry Potter fandom, the sanders sides fandom, and some comparisons of my personal issues within them. there are some mentions of violence, abuse, bigotry, and death, and it is very long.

that’s what they said

disclaimer: I love Harry Potter even if jk is a bigot, I love Hermione, I love sanders sides which fortunately is not created by a bigot, I love Logan, so there’s no intended negativity about any of these

now, back to the point. I repeat: I fear that Logan is becoming the Hermione of this fandom

which should be a good thing, because I love Logan and I love Hermione. being “the Hermione” shouldn’t be seen as something negative, but the reason I'm referring to it as that is:

there was a time where Fanon Hermione basically became, for a lack of a better term, a Mary Sue (I know this term can have problematic and misogynistic elements but I couldn’t find a better way to describe it)

lots of it was based on the movie adaption’s version of her. lots of her flaws were either stripped away or justified – she became more fearless and confident, her condescending attitude towards mainly Harry and (especially) Ron was exaggerated, and, again, seemed more justified here. and of course, it didn’t help that she was played by the gorgeous Emma Watson.

then came the fandom portrayal of her. while her movie counterpart was definitely more “perfectilized” (is that a word? now it is) than her book counterpart, she still had elements of being a teenager, and, well, a human. but on the internet, there were so many claims of her being the sole reason that Harry was alive, and that she was way out of Ron’s league, and lots of other stuff. if you’re in any way familiar with the Harry Potter fandom around... well, anywhere before like 2016, really, you probably know what I'm talking about. she was basically this “perfect does everything right keeps saying everyone the best at everything” kind of character. that was kinda annoying, both to people who didn’t care that much for Hermione as a character in the first place, and for the people who enjoyed her (more flawed and realistic) book counterpart

and don’t even get me started on the dr4m10ne shippers who claimed that “she deserves better than Ron (or Harry, or Neville, [heteronormativity was still a big thing back then] or really anyone who treated her with respect) and dr4c0 would be so much better for her!”

and oof, the “Hermione joins the dark side” au’s where her actions were still justified by the narratives (why would a muggleborn join the people that discriminate against her lol)

during the last few years, she’s gotten some backlash because of this. more potter heads started realizing her flaws, or stopped justifying them. the shocking realization that the fan favorite was not perfect made a large part of the fandom go in the opposite direction. which I understand.

now, I am still able to enjoy the (canon) character Hermione Granger, despite the sue-ification she went through (maybe it’s the autism that helps me not to get so affected by public opinion, idk), but not everyone is that lucky. so many potter heads had gotten a very good character ruined for them, which is sad.

I don’t want the same thing to happen to Logan Sanders.

Now, he wasn’t always one of the faves – in an early episode, he literally gets told that he’s the least popular character in the series (which does get played off as a joke, but I assume – I wasn’t in the fandom back then, so please correct me if I'm wrong – that for many fanders back then, that was very much the case) and I wouldn’t say he’s a “fan favorite” the same way that Hermione used to be.

however, he has by now gained quite a large fanbase here on Tumblr. which is great! I, myself, really enjoy Logan, and most of his fans are really cool.

but there are some stans who, in my opinion, have started to give him The Hermione Treatment. who claim that he is the one constantly helping Thomas. who feel the need to bash some of the other sides in order to prove that Logan is the best. the main complaint being that “they ignore/silence him too much”. and yes, they definitely don’t listen to him nearly as much as they could and should. I agree with that.

what I don’t agree with is when fanders start wishing for him to “snap” at the others. I'm putting “snap” in quotation marks, because what they usually mean is just him straight up verbally abusing them, sometimes being physically violent toward them. all because they... didn’t pay enough attention to him?

it gives me the same vibes as when Hermione’s acts of violence (I'm talking about, like, the bird attack toward Ron or the acne scars she forced on Marietta Edgecombe [another thing that got removed in the movie adaption], not the “fighting death eaters” parts) were considered “girl power” or something by the internet.

now, I'm not saying that Logan in canon is super aggressive and violent, but he definitely has his moments – and that’s fine. a character does not have to be nice 24/7. but the fandom seems to, idk, romanticize (for lack of a better word) these moments, his outbursts of anger and violence, both the canon and Fanon ones.

furthermore, there seems to be a double standard, in that lots of the things he’s praised for or that gets ignored about him, are the exact same things that would (or do) get criticized when other sides do it.

Patton gets flack for being controlling and guilt-tripping the others, which, yes, that is true, but Logan can also be controlling (Growing Up, Why Do We Get Out Of Bed In The Morning, arguably in Moving On too) and guilt-tripping (”not that any of you care, but I am unharmed” in Putting Others First)

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that fanders have started seeing the less perfect aspects of morality. Even cinnamon rolls can do not so nice things at times.

Roman is considered to be too proud and condescending, and yeah, he is, he is literally Thomas’ ego. But Logan? “I know I'm smarter than everyone else”? nuff said.

Virgil gets criticized for being too aggressive, and boy is that true, but again, you can not bash one character for a trait that you praise (or even wish more of) in another character.

now, I know that there are fanders who also give Virgil a free pass for violence etc. (he was the ultimate Fan Favorite for a very long time), but they seem to be fewer today than they used to be – which is great! it’s just sad that instead of disappearing completely, this character treatment has now moved towards Logan.

(funnily enough, these certain Logan Stans tend to be less critical of Janus’ and Remus’ flaws too, which I will cover later on)

no, I do not want Logan to be flawless, just like I don’t want Hermione to be. I just wish this double standard wasn’t so common in the fandom.

unlike with Hermione, however, the narrative (and the writers) doesn’t seem to favor him over the others – the sides get a relatively equal treatment in that way. but the biggest problem with Hermione was not the writing, or even the movie adaption (though that definitely played a factor too), but rather the fandom. the fandom was the one who claimed Hermione to be some perfect goddess, talented in every way, too good for this world, etc. And I really don’t want this to happen with Logan!

another parallel I'll bring up is the “going dark” thing, more specifically, “going dark because the light is not good enough for me”. I mentioned dr4m10ne earlier, and Hermione joining the death eaters because Harry and Ron and the rest of the “good guys” weren’t good enough. not smart or talented enough. didn’t appreciate her enough. because Ron would at times make fun of her nerdiness, because they sometimes bickered.

but for some reason, these dr4m10ne shippers and dark!Hermione Stans would gloss over the fact that Dr4c0 made fun of her heritage and that the death eaters literally fought for genocide of people like her (which, imo, is a bit more serious than “haha ur a nerd”)

similarly, it’s become common to head canon Logan “becoming a dark side”. now, I am in no way trying to imply that “the dark sides” are in any way similar to death eaters, or that Janus and Remus are anything like Dr4c0.

but there seems to be, yet again, a double standard. Patton, Roman, and Virgil ignore or silence or under appreciate Logan? oh yes, they definitely do.

but so do Janus and Remus. I see so many au’s of Logan joining the “dark sides” because they are more likely to listen to and appreciate him, which, if we go by canon... is not true? Janus literally excluded Logan from the courtroom, and Remus has repeatedly threatened and physically harmed Logan because he didn’t like what he was saying. but people gloss over that because ?????

I don’t really have a conclusion or anything, I just wanted to get this out

#sanders sides #logan sanders #Hermione Granger #logan Hermione parallels #fandom criticism #raven rants #abuse mention #violence mention #death mention #bigotry mention #genocide mention #anti dramione #tagging it just in case #there is so much I rant about in this post #I should probably make separate posts for some of the points #long post

43 notes · View notes

saucylittlesmile · 4 years

Text

Anonymous said:

Not entirely sure if these quotes regarding Tessa and Scott and Meryl and Charlie are new but I can’t say I agree with her. Seems like she’s implying that Tessa and Scott didn’t skate with power and speed which I don’t see as true. What are your thoughts? gulfshorelife(.)com/2020/12/07/cutting-edge/

Well, Marina has her own opinions and... shall we say, agendas. Also, as a magazine about the ‘gulf life’, I think we can assume that the magazine was happy to have a pro-American slant to work with, LOL. Let’s take a look at the pertinent quotes:

At the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Zoueva’s Canadian pupils Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir tangoed seamlessly on the ice and dazzled the judges and the crowd with the shapes they created with their bodies in motion. They stunned the world when they became the first North American gold medalists in ice dancing. “Tessa and Scott are art on ice,” Zoueva says. “When you watch them, you feel the love. Their chemistry is key. I emphasize this side of them, to bring out the best in them.”

Okay, this is pretty standard Marina-speak for VM. She’s given the same kind of answers for many years. She loved to emphasize their connection, their chemistry, their magic.

Zoueva struck gold again, in 2014, when her dancers Meryl Davis and Charlie White—the top rivals of Virtue and Moir—became the first Americans to capture the gold in ice dancing, at the Winter Olympics in Sochi (the pair had notched the silver in Vancouver). Zoueva had composed choreography for White when he’d competed as a single, but he won fame as part of a pair.

In 2014, Davis and White danced with arresting urgency, as in their free program set to Music of the Night from the Broadway show The Phantom of the Opera. “I saw so much sport in his spirit—he’s an athlete,” Zoueva says. The fact that White had a background as an ice hockey player was not lost on Zoueva; she immediately grasped the value of an interdisciplinary approach that would later inform her coaching in Southwest Florida.

Well, I had no idea that she choreographed for Charlie in his early days, LOL. I am amused that she is using Charlie’s hockey background, but I don’t know - perhaps it really did influence her.

The dancer inspires not only the dance. White’s personal qualities helped advance the form itself. On the ice, he at once radiates muscularity, charisma and theatricality, and his crown of blond ringlets gives him a presence like no other.

Crown of blond ringlets - not going to deny that it was a signature Charlie thing but LOL - ice dance has had them many times. I misread muscularity as masculinity the first time - still, I am not sure I ever looked at Charlie and thought muscle-man.

Between 2010 and 2014, Zoueva contributed to an important evolution on the ice: “Before Charlie, ice dancing was more art, but with him there was a balance between art and sport. It’s the total opposite of Tessa and Scott. For Meryl and Charlie, it’s about power, speed, emotion. Together, they’re like a hurricane—very impressive, no question. Men started to ice dance after seeing what Meryl and Charlie could do.” Davis and White grew up together as kids in Michigan. They have been training and competing since 1997 and are the longest lasting pair in ice dancing.

Ah, here we go. Um. Okay. Before Charlie was basically, before COP - both VM and DW hit seniors right about the time that the changeover between the 6.0 skaters and the 10.0 skaters really kicked in - some stuck around through Vancouver, but there was a real shift around Vancouver and just post-Vancouver when you could see the kids who had grown up with the “new” system really taking over and being comfortable with twizzles and athletic lifts and even the no-touching step sequences (which highlighted the strength or weakness of individuals).

So, in a way, it’s true that ‘before Charlie’ it was more about the art, but it is a correlation, not a cause-and-effect that ice dance became more athletic. That said, funnily enough, at the time, the narrative was that DW were the athletes/technicians and VM were the artists.* It was, I think, a comforting narrative, as it is like any story in which there are two opposing characters and each must embody opposite personality traits to tell a story. But it was, at the time and continues to be, a false one, as it diminishes the accomplishments of both teams. DW were not as elegant and didn’t have such a ‘romantic’ chemistry, but they used their speed to impress - and for many, that was a very admirable factor to their skating and something to emulate.

But to imply that there was a balance of art and athleticism for DW that was lacking in VM, is simply untrue - if I may say, DW did difficult things, but we could see how difficult it was. VM were very smooth, which then could almost hide how fast they were, and they made things look easy. But even all that aside, for anyone to look at, for particular example, Carmen, and still claim they weren’t athletic? VM struggled that season with the program, and possibly their confidence, but it was such an ambitious dance that it was understandable.

As well, around the 2012/2013 season start, I remember that very, very suddenly, DW were being re-imagined as the team that had it all. By that, I mean that after their “surprising” loss at Worlds 2012 it was touted as DW somehow, over the summer I guess, having solved any chemistry issues and they were now a complete package - this is what we were told, and therefore, it must have been true. At Skate America, there was an awful post-skate choreographed moment that they subsequently removed (thank goodness). Basically, even as there were negative stories about VM being circulated (their work ethic, their athleticism, their readiness), the stories about DW being unbeatable were being touted, and the closer everyone got to Sochi, the more the stories were cemented.

I would say that ice dance, in general, had a real increase in North America due to the VM/DW success. So, yes I would say that boys started ice dancing more because of him (and Scott).

To be honest, while it’s a little insulting towards VM, I’m more offended for Meryl, LOL. I mean, I don’t know if there were more quotes about her that didn’t get into the article, but this makes it sound like Charlie was the star of the team and Meryl was the afterthought and just lucky to be there.

*Always ironic to me that for as often as the VM/DW rivalry was sold as VM as the artists who couldn’t keep up technically, and that was used to sell the Sochi silver, there was a big switch in the narrative during the comeback, in which VM were the technicians who struggled with their artistry compared to PC and really deserved to lose in PyeongChang because of that. Amazing, isn’t it?

12 notes · View notes

sternenteile · 4 years

Text

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

tagged by: @battleshell ; we all care blue, u do, i do, we all do tagging: holy shit my whole dash because exorbitantly long memes are the BEST. i aint even sarcastic when i say that, i love this kind of shit. u GOTTA do it.

my muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. [ he is in two fandoms, in fact. he is both a fan-favorite from super mario rpg, the very first in the line of mario rpgs we’ve gotten over the years, and a pretty popular smash bros. request. he even got a mii costume in 4 and a spirit in ultimate as a result of the love. he’s very beloved, to the point that i’d, even as a geno fan myself, deem him a bit overrated. why? b/c where is all the love for all the other smrpg characters!!! they are all good. i love them all. ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. [ i mean ?? i’ve met and seen many people who have/had crushes on geno so ??????? but i don’t think it’s like. that. ghfskjhgsg??? ]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. [ oh yes, he is undeniably very strong, both in personality and in battle. he is often seen as the level-headed straight man of the party in smrpg (which, in the case of my geno, is... semi-applicable LMAO), a star spirit with unwavering bravery and confidence. his in-battle stats are also pretty crazy, favoring geno as a glass cannon and enemy sweeper. he is also the only character in the game to have a move that will insta-kill any enemy besides bosses. well, and exor. idk why exor, but there ya go. needless to say, pretty much everyone in the fandom agrees that geno is a powerful mfer. why wouldn’t a literal, living star be? ]

Are they underrated? YES / NO / IDK. [ as i mentioned before, there is no shortage of him being underrated in the fanbase. i’d even say he’s a little overrated. some people treat smrpg as ‘that game with geno in it’ rather than everything else it has going for it. i love star boye as much as the next gal, but pls appreciate smrpg as a whole. it’s such a vibrant game with a colorful world of characters to love. ]

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO. [ he is actually, completely central to the plot. the subtitle of smrpg is legend of the seven stars, which directly relates to geno’s core mission: to find the seven star pieces and restore star road. the rest of the gang had different ambitions, but they all ended up banding together over geno’s objective. one could argue he mostly is the exposition-granter and could be replaced with anyone else, but i feel he’s irreplaceable. smrpg would be so different without him, like it or not. ]

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [ i wouldn’t say he is the protagonist, obviously, as that is very much mario’s spot. that being said, he is a pretty obvious deuteragonist for smrpg, given how much the plot revolves around him. he’s relevant to mario, for sure, as well as peach, mallow, and bowser. he’s relevant to many characters beyond them. he represents the fight for everyone’s wishes to be able to come true. he’s, uh... very relevant rofl. ]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. [ the star spirits are somewhat known in the mario universe as entities capable of granting wishes, kinda like fabled gods with a tinge more evidence and reality to them. geno himself isn’t a known name, not like the seven star spirits of star haven, but his people are decently known. he, however, is not. ]

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ he is basically the epitome of ‘good’ until you overthink star society like i do lol. not all wishes can be granted, what constitutes as a ‘good wish’ is subjective, why some good wishes still can’t be granted anyway, etc. it puts him more towards neutral good with a dash of lawful and an undercurrent of chaotic, given his rebellion against his superiors. ]

How strictly do you follow canon? — i mean, it isn’t hard to be strict to mario canon when there isn’t that much of a foundation to work with anyway lol. it’s all rather simplistic until you get into the nitty gritty of it ??? that said, geno is built on a lot of headcanon. like, a lot a lot. star society and its rules for star spirits of his kind, his relationship with rosalina (a matronly figure), his relationship with the seven star spirits, the fleshing-out of his basic personality traits shown in smrpg, etc.? headcanon upon headcanon.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — a star possessing the form of a children’s toy, like toy story but with more cosmic pew-pew. a chill and sassy guy still learning the ways of how earth (and other planets) work on a more intimate level, meaning there will be lots of adorkable moments as this curious one makes discoveries. sometimes attempts to innovate with what he learns to be ‘ahead of the curve’, leading to interesting results. (he likes to sip bubble tea, but replace the tapioca pearls with star bits. good result. mopping a counter-top because it would be ‘more efficient’? not-so-good result, got him lots of stares.) straight outta the 90′s, so be ready some of that rad 90′s slang and know-how from back in the day. (what do u mean they’re bringing back dunkaroos? that’d mean they stOPPED MAKING THEM?!?) very intrigued with new technology, became stuck to his smartphone upon discovering them, fell into the time-sink that is animal videos on youtube. he’s humble and likes to relax, have a good time, and relax w/ the squad. video games, netflix binges, the whole nine yards, he’s gotchu. he is a hell of a fighter and loves to fight, as well. help him push his abilities, and he’ll help you with yours. likes being a little shit for fun, only to an extent (harmless moments of impishness, not serious, hurtful pranks). has a sense of humor that is easy to tickle, even with stupid dad jokes and classic puns. the brother-friend that will fire lasers at ur enemies for u. likes to play violin. cute. super cutie. v. tiny in his star form. almost five whole feet of sparkly, twinkly fun. likes super soakers.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — despite intrigue to learn more about the world around him, there is only so much that he does know. societal norms are often beyond him, and there are just so, so many earth hobbies he is not aware of. without handing him a bone, it makes him a little more limited than someone who’s more savvy. he is prime slice-of-life material, but that may also make things rather dull in an rp without an extra twist to spice things up. (thankfully, his being a total SNOT sometimes helps with that.) in canon and strictly in canon, geno doesn’t really have much personality, something that this geno has plenty more fleshed out. a good chunk of fandom finds him to be incredibly boring and droll, to which i personally disagree, as there are little things in smrpg that hint towards him having more to explore.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — funnily enough, seeing smash bros. fandom railing on geno fans + hyping him up all at the same time made me revisit smrpg after having only played it as a teenager. i expected geno to be a boring slate of nothing like fandom often portrays him, but i found that i was terribly wrong. with a newfound perspective on him, noting little details that defied my expectations for this li’l guy, i decided to give him a geno whirl and see what kind of expansion i could do with his character. the amount of lore i came up with him and started wondering about piled on and on and on, and i realized that he had so much more potential than what nintendo and square properly tapped into. (some of it is also a matter of being timely, though, meaning later mario materials such as rosalina, star haven, etc.) i wanted to flex out that potential and see how much i could fill this little doll up with, and lo and behold, i rp him today with extensive amounts of development poured into him with love. to put it simply, there was so much untapped potential that i wanted to share with the world, to show geno the love and in-depth exploration that he deserved, to show that he was more than what he was given.

What keeps your inspiration going? — chattering about mario lore with pals, whether it relates to geno or not, reading, watching shows or videos that remind me of him, learning more about cosmology and the universe we live in (and boy, i’ve learned a lot of neat stuff!), revisiting my childhood (the 90′s) since it’s very geno-appropriate, drawing The Boye, literally anything to do with playing, watching, or doing ANYTHING with smrpg/paper mario 64/smg1&2, and probs a lot more. i’ve got a lot of fuel in me for this guy lol.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? [ on one hand, of course i hope that i do! on the other hand, i mean... nintendo and square don’t do jack for him, so i think almost anyone can do him more justice than they have, lbr. it’s... not hard... :’) ]

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SORT OF? [ ok i gotta just copy-paste what blue said in her response because my god, she nailed it: “you know when you have a concept and in your own mind you can see it clearly, without fuzziness or confusion, but you can’t seem to put it clearly into words without it turning into an essay because you need to connect all the other points that’s in the single concept you envisioned? yea.” basically, this but in spades, because i have a huge amount of headcanon and lore that i’ve either not gotten around to writing about yet or am purposefully staving off (wink wink). i have written a lot for him, though! it’s just... comparatively so little to what all i’ve thought up over-time. ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO [ not! often! enough!!! ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [ all i know is fine dining, breathing, and adorkable starman. ]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? [ funny enough, i’m pretty damn confident in my portrayal, albeit still very modest. i mean, i am at least confident that i give depth to a character that had so little, and i feel like geno is just... real. (not literally ofc i mean like, he FEELS realistic.) he’s got character perks, character flaws, strengths, weaknesses, personal issues, ongoing obstacles, relatable themes where appropriate, interests, knowledge (or lack thereof), daily routines... i could go on. if nothing else, i at least feel good about trying to make geno feel less like some exposition character and more like a person. considering he wants to achieve personhood that most of his kind never gets to find, it’s oddly poetic lmao. ]

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO. [ eehhhhh. i mean, i guess it’s fiiiIIINE, but i often feel like i lack a certain pizzazz, something that’ll keep people interested and intrigued with what i write, giving enough material for them to adequately bounce back. on the same token, i like to babble with my prose, so i often worry about going on and on and on way too much. stale, quantity over quality, substance-less writing is what i fuss over the most. ;; ]

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. / SORTA. [ sensitive to empathy and other peoples’ emotions, yes. i’m an insanely empathetic person, and i have a lot of love to give. that said, with only few exceptions, i have a pretty iron-clad skin. sometimes, i daresay it’s to the point that i often misjudge what other people can take, and i feel i can end up being too harsh and forward. that being said, it is also a good thing at times. harsh or not, if i feel a certain way about something, i make that shit known and i make it known as loud as it necessarily should be. i don’t beat around the bush; rather, if i have a beef, i will make that beef known. consequently, if i have love to give, you damn well better be ready to swim in a pool of hearts and your favorite kind of cookie (if applicable). ]

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — as long as it isn’t complaints with lack of substance/reasoning, yes! even if i may not always agree and may take things with a grain of salt, i am insanely receptive to criticism, even over the pickiest things. it’s something i’ve grown used to due to prior rp venues being particularly harsh. i will never throw a fit or act like a child if there is something i could do better with geno. in fact, there always will be! i’m not perfect, and i love to hear about ways i can improve and do better. it’s paramount in a hobby like this.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — LET’S-A FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — sure, i’d love to know! it can make for some neat conversation!! c:

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — that’s a’ight. i’m sure there are things about my geno that won’t resonate with everyone, especially given he’s a very sentimental character for old fogies like me lol. as long as there is no disrespect thrown this way, it’s all good. this stuff is subjective, after all.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — oh, a lot of people really hate geno lol, but i’m guessing this means personal portrayal only. in such a case, i would be curious as to why, admittedly, but i acknowledge that i am not owed anyone’s reasoning. if they really, absolutely hate my geno, then it’s their prerogative, whether they want to give a reason why or not. again, it’s all good unless immaturity and disrespect rears its head. i won’t tolerate that and will ignore any such behavior.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — sure, it happens to the best of us!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — i’d like to think that i am! i’ve often had people tell me that i’m very nice and mature, but of course, i have no right to say how i come off to other people. that is not in my territory to judge, only theirs. that being said, it’s not easy to upset me or anger me, and i’m more often willing to listen and pal around than not. i’m the living embodiment of (shrug). i am just (shrug).

#★ ; ( ooc. )#★ ; ( meme. )#★ ; ( headcanon. )#WHHHHOOOOOHHHHH THIS WAS A BLST #THANK U AGAIN BLUE I LOVE THIS

12 notes · View notes

unklarity · 5 years

Text

Critical Role: Caleb

“Anyone can send a message through a wire. I want to bend reality to my will.”

I think the thing that intrigues me most about Caleb is Liam’s portrayal of him, and how, despite his narrow-minded focus on his goals, he finds his priorities and allegiance shifting almost without him knowing, affecting the decisions he makes in unpredictable ways. It makes him a constantly evolving character with sometimes confusing motivations; Caleb at the beginning of the campaign is wildly different than he is now, and yet he remains a character that is super relatable, often incredibly frustrating, and way more complicated than he seems.

I wanted to explore that change, while also showing ways in which his character stays stagnant, because I feel like it’s a duality we all have. We all have the capacity to change, and at that same we’re perfectly capable of crossing our arms and resisting that change as hard as we can. We’ve all struggled with lack of agency in different capacities. We’ve all dealt with grief and regret in ways that might seem unpalatable to others. That’s why Caleb grew on me so much throughout the campaign, I think; I saw a character that, somehow, became his own person, and a reflection of how confusing and unpredictable we all are.

Click below to keep reading and see more photos!

I wanted to go with an atypical box shape for Caleb, because I enjoy how it changes the way I map things out. One of my favorite other boxes was octagonal, so I was excited to try it again. In the lid, I wrote out some of my favorite spells from Caleb’s spellbook, while trying not to get too spoilery, and spilled some ink inside, because you know Caleb has totally done that with all that ink and paper he’s gone through.

Spells:

Magic is such a big part of Caleb’s character, so I wanted to explicitly reference his spells and components, since there’s so much emphasis on his actual spellcasting. Here are some of the specific spell references included in the physical box, not including potions.

Spell Books from Caleb’s book holster + Inside lid with pages of spell books

Maximillian’s Earthen Grasp/Cat’s Ire - Cat paw wax seal

Haste- licorice root (in leather component pouch)

Leomund’s tiny hut + alarm spell - dome with tiny spool of silver wire “thread”

Message - little copper wire (in leather component pouch)

Chromatic orb- diamond stamp

Find familiar- Frumpkin figure

Transmuter stone

Here’s a close up of the tiny dome and of Frumpkin! (He’s so cute, I think he’s my favorite part of the box.)

Stones:

For Caleb, I didn’t worry as much about stones, just because I focused so much on physical objects. Instead, I let some stones fall into place with the themes I selected and went from there. The main focal stone, a hematite tower, was actually one of the last things that went in the box, because it was hard to pin down something that fit the theme but also the muted color palette I was going for. In fact, with the exception of fluorite and labradorite, most of the stones are earth-tones. I chose this because I wanted to represent Caleb’s origins, and his initial desire to blend in with his environment. There are earth colors, fire colors, and then that shock of blues and purples and flashy greens of fluorite and labradorite show the small changes Caleb makes aesthetically that reflect his change in attitude.

In the box there is:

Red tiger eye - motivation (frantic, desperation), single-mindedness

Fire agate- banish fear

Garnet - banish fears, make your desires reality/manifestation, passion, bond of found family

Hematite tower- grounding, manifestation

Fluorite- focus, intelligence

Labradorite- transformation, becoming

In the photo you can also see the transmuter stone I made and a close-up of the brass ouroboros necklace I chose to represent the necklace Caleb wears to shield himself from being found, and the Pyrite Dodecahedron I used to represent the Luxon Beacon.

Okay, next are the potions!

Potions:

There are 6 potions, each labeled with a number on the bottom. The first three are in the above photo, in order from left to right. The first one represents magic and manifestation, particularly manifesting your desires into being. It includes rosemary for protection, as one of the main uses of Caleb’s magic is to protect himself and his friends. There’s fluorite pebbles, representing intelligence and the search for knowledge, goldenrod for magic, deer tongue and acorn for power and chalk for magic circles; garnet for making your desires reality, gold dust for dunamancy, anise for time magic and using knowledge as power/to protect yourself/get what you want, and mint for trying to atone for the past. Sealed with gold wax and a cat stamp.

The second potion revolves around Caleb’s past, and how that has shaped who he is now, mainly his lack of agency, trauma, grief and distrust. There’s rue and amaranth for help recovering from trauma, sage and cypress for grief and loss, lilac for being manipulated by someone with authority over you, yarrow for breaking magical influence of others and regaining agency, black salt for being controlled, hydrangea and yellow rose for violence and death/war, and poppy for remembrance/holding on to a traumatic period in your past. Sealed with gold wax and cat paw stamp.

Potion number three is about self hatred as motivator, seeing as self-loathing is one of those Caleb traits that tends to stand out (especially his inability to forgive in himself what he forgives/excuses in others). In this potion is lemon balm and basil for self-hatred, marigold for cruelty, purple hyacinth for seeking forgiveness, yellow carnation for disdain, and peony for shame and anger. Sealed with gold wax and a magic circle stamp.

In the following photo are the last three potions (also in order from left to right), plus a tiny bottle of green crystals (which are peridot) to represent residuum crystals for past trauma, and the multiple ways in which Caleb’s past and present intersect.

The fourth potion represents fear, fleeing, and hiding in plain sight. Caleb is on the run from people in his past, and up until recently, has been alone for a good deal of that, trying to blend in and protect himself from discovery. So, here I’ve included heather for solitude, agrimony to ward off evil, and of course, dirt, since Caleb’s initial method of choice for hiding is being so gross that no one looks at him. There’s also mugwort for fear and cautiousness, thyme for protection from negative energy and unbearable grief, nutmeg to make oneself anonymous or impossible to find, and comfrey leaf for protecting people on the run. Sealed with gold wax and key stamp.

The next potion, number five, is about Caleb’s conflicting emotions regarding the Mighty Nein, and his struggle with learning to trust other people. To me, this potion focuses on Nott, Beau, and Fjord especially, but applies to the entire group. There's a red carnation for sibling bonds (Beau and to some extent Jester), skullcap for making oaths to others (Fjord), magnolia for unwavering loyalty and trust (Nott), zinnia for remembering absent friends (Molly), lavender for initial distrust, and dogwood for devotion. Sealed with gold wax and diamond stamp.

The sixth and last potion represents growth. Funnily enough, it’s the smallest, but still important, because let’s face it, Caleb has a long way to go but he’s also come very far. Here I wanted to focus on the big contrasts between selfishness and selflessness, and the change in priorities between self preservation and putting others’ safety before your own. There’s Gum Arabic for growth and protecting others (also a spell component), jasmine for learning and opening up to new ideas, bay leaf for transformation, rosemary for harmony and exchange of ideas/information, and lavender for stability. Sealed with gold wax and tiny geometric stamp +inlaid gem.

Finally, here’s a photo of a brass book locket I stamped with the quote in the introduction, and a close-up of Caleb’s spell books and component pouch.

Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you like him as much as I loved working on him!

(Caleb has been sold, but feel free to message me/comment with any questions! More of my CR boxes can be seen on my website, as well as a portfolio of boxes with various themes. Website is in my bio!)

#critical role #caleb widogast #critical role art #magic boxes #mighty nein #critical role fanart #long post

40 notes · View notes

taexual · 5 years

Text

HOLIC - 25 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: some domestic life with jaebum (and this is surprisingly long)

words: 7.2k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

prev / next

Your alarm clock had rung like it did every morning but, for some weird reason, this time, the sound was coming from the wrong direction – even your sleepy mind could fathom that. It took a lot of groaning and a lot of sporadic shuffling for you to realize that your phone was at the far edge of the bed, wrapped tightly in the blanket that you must have thrown off of yourself at night because you were too warm.

As you reached for it to turn it off, you ended up stumbling over someone’s leg and yelping in surprise before the events of last night returned to your mind within the next few moments. At first, all you could remember was that you’d fallen asleep very late. So late, in fact, that once the clock on your phone passed midnight, you started to fear to check the time because you knew you’d have to be up early tomorrow. Somehow, you just couldn’t bring yourself to get up and leave Jaebum’s room.

And, judging by the fact that you were sitting – dizzy and a little hazy – on his bed, apparently, you hadn’t bothered to leave at all in the end. Jaebum was laying on the other side of the bed, his eyelashes fluttering every now and then, his fingers tapping lightly against the pillow next to his face – he was awake. Undoubtedly so, because a second later, he opened his eyes.

For a good minute, the two of you just watched each other, your minds completely blank. You weren’t sure what you were expecting him to say – if anything – but you knew that no matter what he chose to say next, the fact still remained: you’d fallen asleep in his bed last night. Again.

“Uhh…” you were the one who opened your mouth first in the end. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was in here for so long, I fell asleep—”

Jaebum chuckled, the surprising sound cutting you off. He had closed his eyes again – you didn’t blame him, six in the morning was far too early to have your eyes opened – but the smirk on his lips remained.

“You just can’t leave my bed,” he said, his groggy morning voice laced with teasing, “even if I built yours.”

Suddenly glad that he wasn’t looking at you, you smiled and shook your head. It was too early to come up with a good comeback and, truth be told, you probably wouldn’t have had what to reply with either way. It was just refreshing to hear how completely unfazed by this he seemed to be.

Still grinning to yourself – and, consequently, not realizing that Jaebum had opened his eyes as soon as he heard you shuffle on the bed again – you gathered yourself to your feet and quietly tip-toed out of the room. Despite wanting to stay here longer – not even touching him, but sharing the space of his bed with him – you also had to get ready for work and no matter how appealing calling in sick sounded, you hadn’t done that when you felt unprepared to deal with Jiho, so that meant you weren’t going to do that now, either.

All was well in your apartment. You didn’t want to take it for granted or, worse, ruin it by overstaying your welcome in Jaebum’s room.

After a brisk shower and a quick breakfast, you located your purse and your car keys and prepared to head out, stopping for a moment outside of Jaebum’s bedroom. His door was open and you could see him sleeping in the exact same position that you’d left him in. He had the whole bed to himself now and he was still sleeping on the left side as if he’d left the right side vacant on purpose. As if he was waiting for you to sneak back in.

Inhaling sharply to hopefully ease the sudden surge of violent butterflies inside of your stomach, you turned around and, still smiling, exited your apartment.

Your slightly wet hair flowing in the cold wind outside didn’t worry you as much as it probably should have because the irresistible urge to chuckle every time you recalled bits of conversation that you’ve had with Jaebum last night was keeping you warm. You were sure that as long as you kept thinking about last night and hoping for many more nights like this in the future, you were going to survive the coldest winters with minimal heating needed.

At this point, there was no denying it: you had feelings for Jaebum. Strong ones, too. Frustrating, as well, because you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do with yourself. And confusing, on top of everything, because you didn’t know what Jaebum was feeling – you could have guessed but guessing meant raising your hopes.

Funnily enough, it’s been days since you and Jaebum had the fight that had opened your eyes – and your hearts, too – and you still haven’t properly discussed what either of you has said. On the one hand, that was good – now you knew you might have exhibited some Suji-like traits and you could work on that. There was no point talking about it when you and him seemed to be getting along much better now. But, on the other hand, you knew that he’d said many things that required explanations – you just weren’t sure how you were going to continue to live if the explanations you received didn’t live up to the expectations you’d grown to have.

You focused on actually doing your job today and it seemed to work this time – you didn’t get distracted – until, during your lunch break – which you deliberately took after two o’clock – you decided to listen to Jaebum’s radio show in hopes that he’d dare to finally play his own song but, of course, that didn’t happen.

Honestly, Jaebum would have probably texted you if he decided to play his song on air – or, at least, you hoped he would – but it wouldn’t have been surprising if he just played it without warning anyone, knowing how bashful he got whenever he had to speak about his music. It was admirable in an almost annoying way because, honestly, there was nothing he should have been embarrassed about. Unless it was about his immense talent, anyway.

You didn’t hear Jaebum’s song today but you did get to listen to his voice as he talked to his listeners and, somehow, that seemed to lift your mood even more. That was why, when Hyojin texted you to get some coffee after work – you and her used to host “productive” coffee sessions when you were both in college, where you’d get together to edit pictures (in your case) or toy around on Polyvore (in Hyojin’s) – you agreed without hesitation.

Although, normally, you felt like going home and not seeing anyone after you finished work, right now you were feeling just upbeat enough to interact with others. You were in the kind of mood where you wanted to go out and conquer the world but, at the same time, you wouldn’t have felt bad about not achieving much today because you knew that, at the end of the day, when you’d return home, Jaebum would be there.

Back in the day – a week ago, really – you used to dread going home because you knew you’d get into an argument with your roommate, but now, just the thought of getting to see him later tonight kept your spirits soaring the whole day. It was a nice change; you welcomed it with open arms.

Hyojin noticed your great mood almost immediately after you walked through the door of the café and saw her waving at your from the table at the back.

“You are glowing,” she declared, a smirk on her lips. “Dare I guess the reason why you’re looking so wonderful today?”

“No need, I can tell you myself,” you replied, giving her a quick hug hello and then sitting opposite her by the table. “I got a good night's sleep, tried a new—delicious—brand of cereal that I’d gotten on sale last week and ended up being pleasantly surprised by the taste, and there were no screaming crowds of children on tour at the gallery today. It’s been a… a decent day.”

“Hmm,” Hyojin was still smirking. “And that’s it?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Yeah.”

“How’s the roommate?”

Of course she wasn’t going to let you play around and pretend Jaebum didn’t have any influence on your—almost uncharacteristically—good mood. You sighed, giving in.

“He’s great,” you replied, watching Hyojin’s smile spread. “We talked a lot last night. It was nice. Didn’t even feel real, to be honest.”

“How come?” she asked.

“I don’t know, we’ve only talked to each other – and I don’t mean those shallow conversations about who’s doing the grocery shopping; oh, speaking of, I have to get that done later. Remind me, will you? – after we’ve had some pretty big fights,” you replied, trying not to get too side-tracked. “So, this felt like slipping into some sort of a parallel universe where Jaebum and I were the kind of people who got together after work to talk about their day and eat pizza.”

“That doesn’t seem too far-fetched in this universe, either,” Hyojin replied. “You and him have hung out in the past, haven’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but that was only because we’ve—”

“No, no,” she cut you off, “the ‘because’ doesn’t matter. The fact matters and the fact is, you and him have enjoyed spending time with each other long before you began to do it purposefully. I can’t stand the sight of Jacob after we fight,” she continued, mentioning her boyfriend and grimacing at the memory of their latest argument. “We both need a lot of time to cool off and get back to our previous activities – and even then, we’re still wary of each other – so, in this case, you and Jaebum might be more mature than us when it comes to resolving your arguments.”

“Yeah, well, you know,” you said, “we’ve had a lot of practice.”

Hyojin laughed. “Maybe. But still.”

You didn’t reply – too busy getting your laptop out of your bag so you could actually start being productive – and Hyojin hesitated before continuing because she was afraid the question that she’d been itching to ask was going to provoke a negative reaction out of you. A moment later, she finally dared to clear her throat.

“You know… Kiera only briefed May and me on the fight that you’ve had with Jaebum,” she said slowly, gauging your reaction. Your face remained stoic. “And we’d assumed you had made up because you’re still living there and everything, and I was just curious… you don’t have to tell me how you resolved all of that if you don’t want to, though.”

“It’s, uh…” you looked around the café as if someone overhearing what you’d say next was a matter of national security. “It’s not really resolved. We just moved past it like we usually do. We both apologized this time, though, which, I think, is an improvement.”

“An improvement,” Hyojin repeated. “And towards what? What’s the end goal here?”

“Growth into adults, I’m hoping,” you said. “Adults who can live in each other’s space without it being a problem. Without fighting. Uh, without frequent fighting.”

Your friend smiled watching the nonchalant way you toyed with the napkin you’d picked up from the table. Hyojin was only giving you the benefit of the doubt because she wanted to hear you out – truth be told, she already knew all the answers to her questions.

“And that’s it?” she asked then, adamant to get you to admit your true intentions – even though she’d already seen right through you. “Because, you know, an improvement of friendship usually means—”

“There wasn’t a friendship,” you cut her off, putting the napkin down and sighing. “I—I know what you want to hear but I’m serious. There was nothing. Jaebum and I—we thought we kind of bonded through texts but we knew virtually nothing about each other when we moved in. I mean, wow, I didn’t even know he was a guy. What kind of friendship could we even talk about?”

“Well, people are not friends with a gender. They’re friends with a person.”

“No, of course,” you nodded, “I just mean—it’s an important part of his life and I knew nothing about it. Or his name, for example, which I also did not know and did not bother to ask. Honestly, when I look back at it, I’m kind of surprised you even let me go through with this. I could have moved in with a serial killer.”

“We did tell you that, though! But you—,” Hyojin said, reaching out to put her hand over yours, “—you were so convinced you were moving in with your new best friend, we didn’t even dare to intervene too much. Kiera was actually kind of jealous but she was willing to see how this played out.”

Out of your group of friends, you and Kiera were the closest – that wasn’t a secret to anyone – and yet you had no idea you were making her jealous by boasting about how excited you were to move in with your roommate. You’d known Kiera for so long, nothing was ever going to replace your bond with her, but you still felt awful for not realizing what she might have been feeling.

“If only Kiera knew that she had nothing to worry about,” Hyojin added, “because you didn’t end up moving in with your best friend. You might have moved in with your soulm—”

“Okay, no,” you cut her off mid-word, almost afraid that she’d jinx everything if she finished her sentence. “L-let’s not go there. What I was saying is that, I thought my future roommate and I had become friends – and we have, honestly – but then all of that flipped upside down when I found out that my roommate is actually the same guy I’d slept with the night before moving.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Hyojin released your hand because the waitress had approached your table, bringing you both the coffees that your friend had ordered before you got here. “I keep forgetting that part. Honestly, in my opinion, that just proves that you and him were meant to be. If you hadn’t met him that night at the bar, you would have still met him after you moved in. And if you hadn’t decided to blindly move in with someone, you’d have still slept with him. You see what I’m saying? You two are destined.”

Your face was suddenly warm and you tried to hide your clearly flustered state by taking a sip of your coffee.

“We’re trying to be friends,” you said after – the drink was too bitter, you couldn’t hide your traitor smile behind a cup until you put enough sugar inside of it, “all over again. It’s surprisingly difficult in real life.”

“I’m not one of the people who believe that boys and girls can’t be just platonic friends,” Hyojin said. “But I genuinely don’t think it should be this hard to be friends with someone. Maybe there was always something else there. From the first moment you saw each other.”

“Yeah. Anger.”

“No, not that,” she disagreed. “I mean, obviously, you’re both attracted to each other – otherwise you wouldn’t have slept together – but, maybe, after you both had enough time to realize how much stuff the two of you had in common, this little spark just… lit up. And, knowing how stubborn you are about certain things, I can assume that Jaebum is the same way, which means that this spark ignited a different kind of fire than it would for most people and this fire burned inside of you both. You argued instead of acting on your real feelings.”

“Hmm,” you hummed, permanently confused why Hyojin studied Fashion instead of choosing Psychology. You tried your coffee again and then continued, “alright. So be it. We’re working on putting that fire out now.”

“The spark will still be there, though. Maybe that spark was exactly the reason why you fought so much – you were so angry about not knowing what to do with it,” Hyojin hypothesized, smirking now. “Hopefully, this time, the fire will light up at the right moment and in the right way. And, hopefully, this time, you’ll know how to deal with it.”

You shook your head, trying to control the stupid grin that was threatening to spread across your face. Hyojin could read through your emotions, however – and not just because they were all clear in your eyes – and she had to admit, seeing you like this made her happy. Perhaps all of this fighting was worth it in the end – it meant that you and Jaebum had finally learned how much you meant to each other, platonically or not.

After you and Hyojin finally finished chit-chatting – and your first cups of coffee – you finally got your laptop out and actually began to work. At first, you didn’t feel comfortable enough to edit the pictures you took at Jackson’s studio while you were in such a public space – somehow, you felt like you could only look at the shots of Jaebum in a very private environment, and the back of a café didn’t cut it – but, eventually, after clearing your throat a hundred times in an attempt to fight your own awkwardness off, you dared to open the photographs on Photoshop.

Normally, you’d look at a picture and immediately know what you had to do – whether it’s lowering the saturation or adjusting the general coloring – but as soon as you saw the first picture that showed a part of Jaebum – the left side of him, to be exact, since that’s the hand he used to write something down on a notebook in his lap when you started to photograph – you were suddenly breathless and at a complete loss of direction.

The picture didn’t need editing. You couldn’t come up with a single thing to do to make it better. Jaebum looked natural, he made the background blur just by being in the shot, and, most importantly, he looked beautiful. For the first time in your life, you stared at a picture in disbelief – trying to decide if you loved every single thing about it because Jaebum was in it, or because you’d actually, finally taken a picture that was genuinely flawless in your eyes.

Suddenly, as you went through the other pictures, following Jaebum’s movements, you understood why Jiho chose to photograph people. It wasn’t just the dynamics that captured the eye – buildings that you loved to photograph so much never made your heart skip a beat when they accidentally glanced at the camera – it was the emotion behind it. You didn’t have to edit the pictures not just because you found every part of Jaebum too beautiful to alter, but also because he was the emotion inside of the picture that you’d looked for.

You’ve photographed the nature for years. The city skylines at night. The forests in winter. The grass after rain. And, all this time, you spent hours editing those pictures until they started to speak to you. Until they showed the emotion you’d been trying to capture.

And Jaebum did all of that – and more; God, he made you feel the emotions that you didn’t even realize were there when you looked at the pictures – by simply allowing you to photograph parts of him while he did what he loved to do the most – worked on his music. You had a feeling the end result would have been similar if you’d photographed other people too because, maybe, the reason why you were so overwhelmed with the lack of editing needed, was because you just weren’t used to photographing actual people. But, at the same time, there was something special about Jaebum specifically; there was something inside of those pictures that was exclusive to him only. You couldn’t name what it was, though.

“Are you actually doing something,” Hyojin said, interrupting your thoughts, “or just staring at your laptop screen? Because I’m almost done editing and I haven’t heard you click your mouse for the past thirty minutes.”

“Yeah, uh—” you cleared your throat again, closing the fifteenth picture of Jaebum that you had opened. “I’m working. There’s not much—not a lot of stuff for me to do. I’m kind of here to keep you company, at this point.”

“Oh. Well, that’s very nice of you,” she said, a hint of teasing in her voice. “Refill?”

You glanced at her over your laptop, noticing her empty cup of coffee.

“Actually—”

Your phone buzzed loudly against the glass table, startling you and cutting you off. You’d expected it to be a text but as you moved your laptop to a side to pick your phone up, it buzzed again, indicating a phone call.

Jaebum’s name greeted you on your screen.

“Sorry,” you said to Hyojin quickly. “It’s Jaebum.”

She just smiled widely in response and nodded her head, allowing you to take the call. You didn’t know why your hands started to shake when you saw the caller’s ID, but you barely managed to press “answer.”

“Yeah?” you spoke, trying to keep your voice neutral. Excitement; that was the reason for your hands seemingly starting to vibrate just like your phone had.

“Hey,” Jaebum greeted you, his voice affecting you the same way it always did – thank God you were sitting down. “Where are you?”

“At a café with Hyojin, we’ve been trying to get some work done,” you replied, glancing at your friend when you mentioned her name. “What’s up?”

“Oh, am I disturbing?” he asked and you almost considered pinching yourself to make sure this was really happening: you were on the phone with your roommate, having a civilized conversation after he’d clearly called you about something important but was willing to put it off because you might have been busy.

“No, not really,” you replied slowly. “I was—I wasn’t doing much, anyway. Procrastinating, I guess.”

By staring at pictures of you, you wanted to add but resisted.

“Okay,” he said and then stayed quiet for the next few moments, “I just got home a little while ago. I got the groceries, so don’t worry about that. Or about starving.”

You smiled despite yourself. “I was supposed to do that.”

“It’s okay. There’s, uh, something else you could help me do instead,” Jaebum said.

You were surprised—but intrigued, obviously—to hear this. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, uh, since we’re such mature household heads,” he said, “I’m going to need you to help me out with the laundry.”

If you weren’t so taken aback by this request, you would have laughed. Everything already seemed bizarre enough – since you still weren’t used to the fact that, apparently, you and Jaebum now called each other – and now you were genuinely planning to help your roommate do the laundry.

“We, um—the—I haven’t—alright. Yeah,” you stumbled around before finally deciding to just agree. You weren’t sure why you were fishing for an excuse anyway. “Right now?”

“Ideally, yeah,” Jaebum replied, his voice almost sheepish. You swore your heart was racing even before you noticed the needy undertones in his words. “But I don’t want you to bail on your friend because of me, so—”

“No, no,” you cut him off, feeling Hyojin’s eyes on you. She wasn’t even trying to hold back her teasing smile. “She won’t mind, I’m sure.”

“Great, then.”

“I should be home in ten minutes,” you said and then, after glancing out of the window, changed your mind, “fifteen maybe. It’s raining.”

“Alright,” Jaebum replied. “I’ll wait for you.”

Almost shivering, you hummed in response and then hung up the call, taking an extra moment to get yourself together before you dared to look up at Hyojin again. She enjoyed every single emotion that passed on your face.

“So, uh—”

“You have to run?” your friend guessed, thoroughly entertained by how easy it was for her to get you flustered. “A roommate emergency?”

“Actually, yes,” you replied. “He, um, asked for my assistance with the laundry.”

Hyojin raised her eyebrows before repeating it with a shit-eating grin, “the laundry.”

“Mmhm,” you nodded, closing your laptop. “Not sure how that’s going to go, either. Hopefully, we won’t end up drowning each other since we’ve never really done anything as domestic—I guess—as that before. Is it alright if I go?”

“Of course!” Hyojin said. “Go ahead. I’ll get another refill and then I’ll be off, too.”

“Really? I’m—”

“Oh, don’t you dare apologize.”

“Well, you’re smirking like you’re not being fully honest with me—”

She laughed. “Perceptive! Alright, I just didn’t know you and Jaebum were that far ahead in your friendship.”

You frowned and stopped packing your things to give her a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Well, for one, he just called you instead of texting,” Hyojin explained. “And what’s more, he’s literally asking you to come home to help with laundry. Are you sure you’re not working on your life as an old, married couple instead?”

“Ha ha,” you replied dryly and swung your handbag over your shoulder. “I’m heading out and I feel less bad about leaving you here now because you will never stop teasing me.”

“That’s right, it is my duty as your friend and I’m set on serving it for as long as I live,” she replied, responding to your quick hug and then laughing after she heard you groan. “Bye. Have fun doing… laundry.”

“Bye, Hyojin.”

You realized you had to get used to being civil with Jaebum – well as civil as it was possible to get when he groaned, “finally” and then followed up with, “thank you for not changing your mind on me” right after you returned home – instead of getting surprised by every decent thing he said and did. He was a person and his previous determination to make your life hell had just been one of his charms; it wasn’t a part of his actual personality.

But, as you headed to the bathroom and watched him eye the washing machine suspiciously – how was it that, in over a month of living here, Jaebum hadn’t used it once? – you realized that you and him were about to reach a new level of bonding.

“I have plenty of clothes to last me over a month,” he explained, “and, back in my old apartment, there was a laundromat on the first floor with overly specific instructions on how to do everything. I mean, they even listed tips on how to get your clothes out of the machine properly.”

“Huh,” you mumbled, wondering what kind of apartment he’d lived in before. “I didn’t realize there was a wrong way to get clothes out of a washing machine.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised what the society expects from you.”

“Right. Well, we’ll do it my way,” you warned him. “And doing it my way means stuffing your clothes in the machine, putting the detergent and the fabric softener in there, and hoping for the best.”

Jaebum smiled, shrugging his shoulders. “That sounds better than buying new clothes every day.”

You snickered, turning around and heading for your own bedroom. You still didn’t own a closet and your clothes were very much still in many different boxes – one of which was now dedicated to the clothes you had to wash – but, somehow, you’ve gotten used to it and only when you and Jaebum stopped outside of your bedroom, eyeing the various t-shirts that were laying on your floor, did you realize that perhaps living out of boxes wasn’t entirely perfect.

“Alright,” you said, ignoring your messy floor. “Let me gather my stuff that needs washing and then we can separate our clothes by color, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Jaebum nodded and then, after you entered your room, you heard him chuckle. “It’s an achievement of sorts, isn’t it?”

“What is?” you asked, shooting him a quick, confused look.

“This,” Jaebum gestured at you and then waved his hand in the direction of the bathroom. “Us doing laundry together.”

You smiled – your face was suddenly very warm – and looked away from him. “Yeah. It’s nice to know that, at least, if we get into an argument about which fabric softener to use, it probably won’t be so bad that one of us will decide to move out.”

“Oh, don’t be so quick,” he warned, “I’m very particular about the way my clothes feel against my skin.”

“So, do you have a preferred brand?”

“No, I just use whatever and hope for the best,” he replied, smirking. “Kind of like you.”

“Okay. It’s great that you’re trusting me to teach you how to do this,” you told him, leaning down to pick up your clothes from a box nearby, “but now I’m starting to feel like we’re in a bit of a “blind leading the blind” situation.”

“Oh, come on,” Jaebum waved his hand dismissively. “You’ve done this before all by yourself without any instructions and overprotective girlfriends breathing down your neck. I trust you.”

You swallowed heavily at the sudden mention of Suji, pausing in hopes of finding what to say so you wouldn’t make this awkward and, consequently, making it awkward by not responding.

“She, uh… Did she never actually teach you how to do it yourself?” you asked slowly.

You weren’t expecting him to reply but he took a breath and then shook his head.

“No. She wasn’t in it to teach me,” he said. “She was in it to do it for me.”

“Right,” you said, feeling on edge whenever you had to talk about Suji – although you knew that you should have probably gotten used to it. She’d been a part of Jaebum’s life, conversations about her were almost inevitable. It was just so much easier to pretend she never existed. “Well, today is the day you learn. We’ll have to do laundry twice if you have a lot of clothes that aren’t black, since most of mine are and—”

“No, no, almost all of mine is black as well,” Jaebum replied, bringing out a basket – that you weren’t aware you owned – full of his clothes from where he’d left it in the hallway outside of his bedroom. “Do you think we can do it all in one go?”

“Yeah if you don’t mind washing your clothes with mine.”

He scoffed. “I think we’re close enough to wash our clothes together.”

You tried to hide your smile. “You think so? Sharing detergent is a big commitment.”

“I think we’re ready.”

Laughing – and then turning away from him as soon as you saw his smile widen in response – you brought your clothes over to the kitchen counter to double-check the tags and then instructed Jaebum to check if any of the clothes he needed washing actually needed dry-cleaning. You didn’t want the first time you did laundry with him to turn into a disaster after you’d accidentally ruin his favorite sweater or something.

Preparing to do laundry took a while and doing it took even longer – who could have thought Jaebum would find it so crucial to differentiate cotton from synthetic material vaguely resembling cotton – and, by the time you’d finally started the washing machine, it was already dark outside and both of you found yourselves eating the first things you saw in the kitchen for dinner as you waited for the machine to do its’ job.

“Sorry if I made you starve,” Jaebum mumbled, finishing his sandwich. “You should have gotten some food before we—”

“No, it’s fine. I wasn’t hungry when I got home,” you replied, giving him a reassuring smile. It was heartwarming to hear the concern in his voice but you had almost completely forgotten about any kind of food as soon as he called you, asking for your help even if it was help with something as minimal as laundry. The effect he had on you really shocked you sometimes. “The croissant I had for lunch was surprisingly filling.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t eat croissants for lunch.”

“There’s not much else I can eat,” you shrugged your shoulders. “The gallery might be as modern as it gets, but it doesn’t offer any restaurant services yet.”

“You could pre-cook some food and bring it with you,” he said. “I do that when I know I won’t have time to go out for lunch. I-I could do that for you as well if you’d like.”

“You’d do that?” you asked quietly, your eyebrows rising.

“Sure, it’s not hard,” he replied, obviously trying to play it off. “I mean, I’d be cooking for myself anyway.”

“Thank you,” you said, watching him but only because his eyes weren’t on you. It was a weirdly intimate moment that neither of you was ready for and you could feel the electricity buzzing between you. Eye contact would have turned that electricity into fire in a heartbeat.

“No problem,” he said, his tone as light as always but you saw the shaky way he exhaled when he stood up to put his plate in the sink. “Oh, Jackson called today, by the way. He was asking about you.”

You perked up. “He was?”

“Yeah, he’s wondering about those pictures,” Jaebum explained, turning around to face you and leaning against the kitchen counter with his hips, his palms flat against the granite countertop on either side of him. “I told him to give you some time but he’s of the impatient kind, so don’t be surprised if he finds a way to get your phone number and calls you.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, bringing a napkin over your lips after you finished eating. This move also helped you cover up a smile that had appeared on your face when you remembered the pictures you’d taken. “I was actually working on the shots I took today.”

“Really? How are they?”

“They’re…” you started, hesitating momentarily, “they’re good. I’ll show them to you. But maybe not right now. I still need to, uh, get used to the pictures myself.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Jaebum nodded.

If anyone was going to understand your hesitation to show your art to others – it was going to be him because he was exactly the same way. Only, in your case, you needed more time to prepare to show him the pictures you’ve taken because you were afraid that your feelings for him would shine through every picture.

“Don’t let Jackson pressure you,” Jaebum added. “He’s excited – this was two of his worlds, photography and music, colliding – but he can wait until you’re ready.”

You nodded, still smiling, and looked down, thinking about your next words.

“He’s a good friend,” you finally said, talking slowly. “And he seems like a good person in general. He… doesn’t strike me as someone who’d lie just for the sake of maintaining a good relationship with someone.”

“He’s great,” Jaebum said, frowning lightly because he could not understand where you were going with this.

“Then why – if you don’t mind me asking – don’t you believe him when he says that your music is good?” you finished the question, noticing the way Jaebum’s eyes drifted away from yours as soon as the last word left your lips. “I mean, I’d get it if you wouldn’t believe me. I don’t have a musical background and I don’t know you that well but—”

“I believe you.”

“—he just—” you stopped suddenly. “Y-you do?”

Jaebum nodded. He took a deep breath and sat back down in his previous spot in front of you before continuing.

“I believe you and Jackson both,” he said. “At this point, it’s not that I think my music is bad. I think it could use some improvement but I’d like to believe that I’ll get there. I’ll reach a point where I’ll like everything -- or, at the very least, almost everything -- about the way it sounds. It’s just that I don’t know what to do with my music on top of everything. Playing it at my radio station – if we ignore how unfair that’d be for the other amateur singers – should be a step towards recognition, right? But what if it won’t be? What if I play it, and that’s where it ends? My career in music does not advance and this also brings an end to my inspiration. What if I won’t want to work on my music anymore because my first song will… flop?”

Hearing his concerns about this made your heart beat faster and your hands itch to touch him as reassuring words about how everything was going to be okay almost spilled from your lips.

“But what if it won’t flop?” you tried, your voice small as if you were afraid to say the wrong thing and have him close off again. There was a tiny gap in the protective wall inside of his chest leading right into his heart and you’d have done anything to keep it open. “What if you play it and that doesn’t become an end – it becomes a beginning?”

Jaebum considered this, nodding his head. Your approach was obviously a lot more optimistic than his and, once again, he found himself appreciating that you and him found ways to complete each other whenever you had different opinions about something. Jaebum was set on believing that he was going to fail – but he had you, right across from the kitchen counter, to tell him that not everything that seemed like an end was actually an end.

“I see people who want to become singers fade into the background,” he confessed and you lost yourself in the feelings that poured out of his chest through his words. “They send me countless songs. And then I play one of their songs on the radio. They send me a thank-you note. And then I don’t hear from them again. Anywhere. It doesn’t work out. Getting your song played on the radio does not guarantee you a career.”

“But is it a career that you want?” you asked. “Or is it being heard? Is it sharing your music with the world?”

“That’s the thing – I don’t know,” Jaebum admitted. “And I think it’d be awfully bold of me to say that I want all three.”

“I think it’d be ambitious,” you said. “And that is what I admired the most about you ever since I texted your ad all of those months ago.”

“I thought it was the cat I’d used as my profile picture.”

You laughed. “I admired that, too. But it’s your confidence about what you wanted in life that really pulled me in and even inspired me to be more certain about my own goals. At the end of the day, all you want to do is to create music. That’s your passion. Don’t let the fear of failure stop you from turning that passion into a living.”

Jaebum watched you for a moment before speaking again, “you’ve been a motivational speaker in your past life, haven’t you?”

You laughed again, shaking your head. “No. I’ve been a supportive friend. That’s what I’m trying to be in this life, too.”

It was—probably—very brave of you to call yourself his friend and you almost regretted it as soon as your eyes met his. Jaebum looked at you for a long while, this time, not saying anything and, thus, further fueling your regret.

“Thank you,” he finally spoke, his hand brushing lightly against yours on the counter between the two of you. “All of this means a lot to me.”

Hours later, you and Jaebum were crouched down on the floor of your bathroom, both of you watching the clock on the clothes dryer. You were leaning against the wall in the corner of the room, your eyes following digital numbers on the dryer in front of you while Jaebum rested against the wall next to you, his head halfway on your shoulder. It was already after midnight and, having had an early morning, both of you were too tired to care about how close the two of you were sitting to each other.

“Do you think it’ll take long for it to finish?” you asked, yawning for the sixth time in the past two minutes. “We should have moved into an apartment where the dryer actually showed how much time is left until the laundry’s done.”

Jaebum smiled – yawning a second later as well. “It probably always takes long, that’s why there’s no timer. You can go to sleep if you’re tired.”

“No,” you sighed, wanting to shake your head but stopping yourself before you did because you didn’t want to hit Jaebum who was leaning against you. “We still have to figure out the right way to get our clothes out of the dryer. To appease the society as one would.”

“Not sure if we’ll figure anything out if we both fall asleep while waiting for it to finish drying.”

“Sleeping on the bathroom floor,” you said. “Doesn’t sound so bad, to tell you the truth.”

Jaebum snickered quietly and then pulled away from your shoulder to give you a teasing look. “I’m sure sleeping in my bed is much more comfortable.”

You were sure he managed to catch the sight of your widening eyes before you looked away in embarrassment.

“Right,” you said, the sudden memory of falling asleep in Jaebum’s room last night – and the night before, after you’d confronted Suji – waking your mind right up. “Sorry I keep… falling asleep there.”

“I don’t blame you,” he smirked. “My bed is great. I guess I won that bet in the end, didn’t I?”

You scoffed. “No way. I would have built my bed faster if you hadn’t broken the frame.”

“Sure. But my bed is much more comfortable, so I’m the real winner,” he insisted.

“No, you’re not.”

“You wouldn’t have fallen asleep in my bed if it wasn’t more comfortable than yours.”

You didn’t say anything for a few moments before finally whispering, “I don’t think it’s about the bed.”

“No?” Jaebum asked, his eyes tracing the features of your face. You still weren’t looking at him so you didn’t notice the desperation hiding behind his gaze. You’ve just said something he’s been waiting to hear. He needed you to continue. “What’s it about, then?”

Too tired to filter your thoughts properly before you voiced them, you shook your head. You’ve already said enough. Now was not the time for pathetic confessions of love that may have not been reciprocated. No one deserved to get their hearts broken after midnight. It was the worst possible time.

“You know exactly what it’s about,” you chose to say.

Jaebum didn’t give in, “do I?”

“I think you do.”

“I’d like it if you said it.”

You laughed suddenly, your mind too tired to argue with him. “Get lost.”

It was so obvious what the two of you were talking about – you didn’t fall asleep in Jaebum’s bed because the bed was comfortable; you kept falling asleep there because he was there – and yet you were both too stubborn. You refused to voice the real reason why you found yourself in his bed and he refused to give up without hearing you say it out loud.

You were so close to something. So close, you could almost taste it on your lips after you nervously brought your tongue over them. You could almost feel it in the rapid beating of Jaebum’s heart when you moved your arm to find a more comfortable position and ended up positioning it right on his back.

You were so close but you weren’t there yet.

Jaebum responded to you with a tired chuckle and then, after slowly getting up from the floor, extended a hand for you. “Let’s go to sleep. We’ll get the clothes out tomorrow.”

“But they’ll be all wrinkled—”

“At least you’ll get a good night’s sleep,” he said, “so it won’t matter as much.”

You sighed, taking his hand and allowing him to help you stand up.

“So,” Jaebum said, his eyes glazed over with exhaustion, but his lips still curled into a teasing smirk. “My bed or yours?”

You pushed his shoulder, making him laugh again.

“Goodnight,” you said, walking past him towards your bedroom. Jaebum watched you go with the same smile still on his lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

chapter directory

506 notes · View notes

bloodstarved · 5 years

Text

long ass survey

BASICS.

FULL NAME : dzhambul buduga NICKNAME : dzha AGE : 34 BIRTHDAY : unknown ETHNIC GROUP : xaela NATIONALITY : othardian LANGUAGE / S : old auri, eorzean, & some hingan SEXUAL ORIENTATION : bisexual RELATIONSHIP STATUS : single HOME TOWN / AREA : dawn throne, azim steppe CURRENT HOME : ul’dah, eorzea PROFESSION : buduga “recruiter” first, mercenary second

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : black EYES : sky blue with electric blue limbal rings FACE : androgynous & youthful LIPS : kissable 😏 COMPLEXION : pale BLEMISHES : n/a SCARS : many superficial ones covering his body; none of particular note TATTOOS : n/a HEIGHT : 5 fulms, 2 ilms WEIGHT : 150 ponzes BUILD : short & muscular, well-built FEATURES : pitch-black scales with curling primary horns jutting from the sides of his head and small secondary horns protruding from his forehead; a long, fat tail; clawed fingers & toes ALLERGIES : unknown USUAL HAIR STYLE : messy & unkempt: rarely combed & hangs over his eyes USUAL FACE LOOK : bloodied & bruised, in various stages of healing USUAL CLOTHING : traditional xaela attire, often in buduga colors, though he owns some hingan & eorzean flavors; he also has a tendency towards the shirtless look

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : being alone, disappointing his tribe, loss of loved ones ASPIRATION / S : to bolster the buduga’s ranks with resilient, worthy warriors; on a smaller scale: to find love POSITIVE TRAITS : tenacious, cheerful, & loving NEGATIVE TRAITS : headstrong, violent, & forceful MAJOR ARCANA : the star ZODIAC : aquarius, the water-bearer TEMPERAMENT : sanguine SOUL TYPE : the king ANIMAL : hound VICE HABIT / S : drinking, fighting, & kidnapping FAITH : believes in azim & nhaama, though he is not exactly devout despite the best efforts of more than one oronir GHOSTS ? : yes & it scares the shit out of him AFTERLIFE ? : he’s never really thought about it REINCARNATION ? : what are you, some kinda dotharl? ALIENS ? : who? POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : pro-oronir, anti-dotharl; pro-giant slabs of steak EDUCATION LEVEL : illiterate & generally uneducated; battle- and hunt-savvy, good at tracking, & well-adjusted in terms of relationships with others

FAMILY.

FATHER : batua qerel, estranged MOTHER : khutulun qerel, deceased SIBLINGS : three younger sisters he has never met EXTENDED FAMILY : some aunts, uncles, & cousins that he barely remembers NAME MEANING / S : dzhambul means “fortress”

FAVORITES.

BOOK : this bitch cant read DEITY : nhaama HOLIDAY : the naadam MONTH : july SEASON : summer PLACE : the lush, rolling plains of the azim steppe WEATHER : bright, sunny, & warm with a pleasant breeze SOUND / S: laughter & breaking bones SCENT / S : loam & blood TASTE / S : bloody meat & airag FEEL / S : rough scales & sharp teeth NUMBER : 9 COLORS : pale blue, black, & white

EXTRA.

TALENTS : tracking & kidnapping men far larger than himself, fighting, & fucking your dad BAD AT : understanding new or foreign concepts, calming the hell down, & being tall TURN ONS : physical beauty, kindness, big muscles, other xaela in general, physical strength/strength of will, gentle voices, soft lips, & passion TURN OFFS : dotharl, cowardice, fearful or otherwise anxious personalities, emotional distance, aloofness, playing hard to get, & passivity HOBBIES : hunting (men: batbayar ghalkir specifically), wrestling, working out, flirting, yearning, & not succumbing to the will of karash QUOTE : “You look strong; let’s fight!”

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 : If you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about? A1 : the holy fool: a found-footage film following one man’s ultimately-unsuccessful attempt to escape dzhambul’s clutches

Q2 : What would their soundtrack/score sound like? A2 : upbeat & fast-paced to the point that it’s almost anxiety-inducing

Q3 : Why did you start writing this character? A3 : as usual, i designed his appearance first and conceptualized a small, androgynous male character using the female au ra model. then, i thought it would be cool to have a tiny, badass buduga--i had previously played a displaced oronir and thought why not try their gay lovers best platonic buddies. i had also seen some portrayals of buduga that i personally didn’t agree with, so i wanted to try my own take on the tribe. at the time, when i first created dzhambul, i didn’t really have ANY cheerful/upbeat characters, so i also wanted to rectify that.

Q4 : What first attracted you to this character? A4 : his androgyny and shortness (MANLET RIGHTS). i also have a huge soft spot for mixing and matching the two models with different genders, even though dzhambul’s most recent iteration has him on the male model. he’s just stupid sexy (emphasis on stupid) and has a personality that i find very charming & endearing, if not overwhelming & in-your-face at times.

Q5 : Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : i mean. obviously i dont condone kidnapping. he also has kind of a blue-and-orange set of morals, but i wouldn’t say i dislike that so much as i find it a challenge to portray at times.

Q6 : What do you have in common with your muse? A6 : we both drink our “respect women” juice everyday.

Q7 : How does your muse feel about you? A7 : i don’t think we’d get along, funnily enough. i’m not sure i’d be patient enough to deal with him (but damn is he nice to look at), and he wouldn’t take kindly to my irritation. if anything, our relationship would be “civil yet distant”.

Q8 : What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with? A8 : anyone willing to “play along” and try to keep up with his personality & whimsical nature.

Q9 : What gives you inspiration to write your muse? A9 : some character inspirations for dzhambul are jingim from netflix’s marco polo (SEASON 2 ITERATION ONLY), inosuke from demon slayer/kny, naruto uzumaki himself, zidane from ff9, wander from shadow of the colossus, & a little bit of emil from nier gestalt/replicant

Q10 : How long did this take you to complete? A10 : probably longer than my boyfriend would have liked because it diverted my attention from him LMAO

#dzhambul buduga #rp meme

23 notes · View notes

randomnumbers751650 · 6 years

Text

So, I'm writing this because I'm trying to understand psychological horror, focusing on two animes from last year: Angels of Death and Happy Sugar Life. I wanted to write this because I got inspired by discussions on the Netflix's Ted Bundy show, Explanation Point's video on HSL (which made me watch it), and because I made the mistake of reading AoD's prequel manga Episode 0. Spoilers abound.

Due to way I was raised, I have difficulty in understanding stories that villains are the protagonists. Why would anyone cheer for them? Sure, there are many logical arguments, like the attempt to understand how his mind works and the cathartic feeling of being able to do feelings you know you'd be wrong. I have a RP blog and I once talked to with a friend on trying to understand how musing an utterly despicable muse could be so cathartic and she wondered if it's because it allows her to vent her stress and negative feelings on fictional characters, instead of real people. Logically, it makes sense, but I still feel odd about it.

I first watched Angels of Death because I really enjoyed the portrayal one of my best friends in the RPC had of the protagonist, Rachel Gardner. I honestly think it was a well-written anime, Rachel telling Zack that they weren't tools and the climax with the building on fire were my favorite moments. AoD also had a great advantage because it was self-aware, the banter between Rachel and Zack was pretty hilarious, and Cathy and Danny were also evilly funny. I always wondered how AoD managed to get to be an anime and Ib not...

Also, another thing that AoD makes sure to show is that every single named member of the cast is a murderer, and the man behind everything judges himself God for the sake of an experiment. It shows Zack murdering people in flashbacks and enjoying every single minute of it. In fact, the biggest plot twist is that the apparently innocent Rachel is probably the most dangerous murderer of them, the moment when she tries to kill Zack in her floor was a moment that actually got me on the edge of my seat (said event was properly foreshadowed).

When I say all characters of AoD are well-written, I say this in a "technical" sense - given their backstories, they act in a way consistent to what they are. Zack had a really crappy childhood and turned into a murderer; Danny was bullied and indirectly caused his mother's suicide; Cathy is subconsciously guided by a desire to punish sinners that caused her parents' death; Eddie was rejected so hard that he saw killing what he liked as the only way to preserve; and Rachel also had a crappy childhood, but parents who hated each other and killing her father in self-defense just broke her, her emotionless insanity is what guides her death wish (funnily enough, it doesn't seem that Gray has anything but a god complex). In other words, while they might be nearly a caricature, they still show to act on motives that make sense for them.

The question that guides the series is "what does it mean to be human?" In the end, we all want to avoid loneliness, as Gray says to Danny while the building explodes. Danny had a really pathetic death - he was a "love to hate" villain, even if he had a childhood excuse, nowhere implies that we should sympathize with him, on the contrary, he's one of the creepiest waste of air type of characters - if we showed his portrait in the game, one could put a sub "Most Likely to be a Pedophile").

But then I decided to read the prequel manga. I hated it. A lot. The characters are nothing but violent dicks to each other, in a grand scheme to get the role of "angel" in Gray's experiment (I used to muse Dr. Danny in my RP blog, it was fun to protray him as a pathetic peepermaniac, but I lost my drive after it). It doesn't try to be nuanced or anything else, but I guess if the objective was to remind us that the characters were murderous scum, it succeeded. The effect was so bad on me, that made me question the entire point of AoD itself.

I thought about this for a while. In Aod, we're basically siding with two murderers and Zack's popularity is immense, he's a Chad of murderers. The question is why?

It would be easy to dismiss his popularity as an example of the "bad boy fantasy", mostly associated with women who latches on a "bad boy" type in hopes of "fixing him", but that alone is insufficient to explain (and although it's usually recognized as a 'feminine fantasy', I want to avoid any implication of sexism, even though I don’t doubt this has been discussed in woman’s studies).

At point a friend of mine linked me Explanation Point's video on Happy Sugar Life. Why is Satou, a murderer and near pedophile (near pedophile because she doesn't engage in actual sexual activities with Shio, but it's not less disturbing), a sympathetic character? I won't recap the entire video here, but Satou is sympathetic because of many factors, such as the fact almost everyone around her is worse (arrogant rapist manager, sadomasochist actual ebebophile Danny's long lost brother, lolicon, an actual succubus in human form, obssessed copycat stalker, mad artist - the only developed characters that save themselves are Shoko and Asahi (and not 100% in his case, his determination was his downfall) - I honestly dislike Shio because she's annoying), had a crappy childhood, and that she seems sincere in her feelings for Shio.

The issue, in the end, it's about the way it's framed. Lindsay Ellis has a pretty good video on framing, on explaining how Mikaela actually had potential to be a well-written character in the first Michael Bay’s Transformers movie, but it was ruined by the way she was framed - as mere fanservice, instead of a strong character. The same principle applies to Happy Sugar Life, just pay attention to the way Satou is framed, as a strong character, in “pure” love, flowers appears on the screen when she’s thinking of Shio.

Framing is one reason why HSL failed or, at least, lost a part of its power as a cautionary tale. In the last episode, the way her imagination exploded with images of what her happy life with Shio could be, sprinkled by sappy imagery. Even if Satou killed herself to save Shio as a way to defy her aunt, it still gives a mixed message.

If we apply EP’s argument on Satou to Zack, I think we have even better “case” for Zack. Let’s count the reasons why one should sympathize with Zack:

Antagonists (Danny and Cathy) are worse people

Strong and powerful, to the point of turning into a shonen protagonist when cutting rocks in the last episode

Has a code of honor, only kills people who are laughing

Has standards, refuses to accept godhood from Rachel

Enjoys what he does, he’s probably the most sincere character of the cast

Has a twisted sense of humor

Has a sad backstory, that offered the chance of following another path (but the old man died)

Recognizes he’s messed up

Ridiculously loyal to Ray in the end

We never get to see the PoV of his victims and when we do, the frame actually makes Zack sympathetic - for example, the woman in his flashback, we see her lying to him and him killing her for it - it’s a bad thing, but the scene is framed in a way that Zack is the offended party (it was his PoV anyway)

He’s hot - granted this only works for the anime, because in the game he was some sort of tall mummy gremlin

As another friend of mine said, when I brought this to her, in the end you’re kind of cheering for them to escape police and continue murdering others. And, in the end, they do get away - Zack (and Ray, to some extent) is never punished for his crimes, even though the ending is ambiguous most people believe they escaped anyway.

In HSL we have a similar situation: even though Satou killed herself, Shio is still irreparably damaged, preferring to live her “happy sugar life” in her head than the real world. In fact, HSL’s ending is one of the most hopeless that I’ve ever seen recently, that the entire surviving cast is apparently beyond repair (as worse as Shio worse is Taiyo - it’s quite rare to portray female on male abuse on such a realistic way, any other anime would make a semi-hentai scenario on him, but here, I wouldn’t be surprise if he died starving himself to death in his room). HSL’s ending managed to be much more hopeless than AoD’s ending.

But, returning to Zack, the way his story is framed makes him a sympathetic character. However, while I argue that Zack is a well-written character, he’s not a very realistic one for one simple reason: he’s too conspicuous to be a successful serial killer, he’s too loud and messy; actual serial killers are methodic people, they plan a lot to not leave clues. Meanwhile, Zack is dumb as a rock, which might add him being an escapist character another trait of him.

And that’s where the comparison with Ted Bundy enters. It might be a stretch comparing a fictional character with a real person, but I still think it has some merit. While I haven’t seen the Netflix series, I read the debate on whether it glorifies Bundy or not. Basically the way the series frames Bundy is an argument for the glorification, but the interview with the victims who escaped him and loved ones of his victims is an argument against it. But the fact remains that both have their fans.

If we criticize Bundy’s fans for not noticing how much of a pathetic and deranged person he actually was, why can’t we do the same for Zack’s fans? Well the fact that one is real and the other fictional might be one reason, and being fictional he acts as an outlet for our own frustrations and tendencies just as I discussed with my friend above, but I feel that alone is insufficient, there must be a further reason... but I can’t think of anything else. Otherwise an argument has the danger of turning into the fallacy “videogames make kids violent” sort of thing.

One thing that has to consider is that both AoD and HSL are psychological thriller/horror series. If Zack, Ray and Satou got caught, the shows would be lesser works of art, because one function of psychological horror is to challenge our perceptions of justice.

Horror challenges our perceptions of safety and we are used to the bad guys being punished in the end, it’s a safe assumption. Instead, in horror, the bad guys get away and might be sympathetic, making us sympathetic to their getaway. It’s horror in the sense our own safe perceptions of morality and justice are twisted upside down.

I could go on and approach the thorny question of whether AoD glorifies murderers and HSL glorifies yanderes with children, but this essay is already getting too big, so I leave it for another occasion.

#satsuriku no tenshi #happy sugar life #psychological horror #explanation point #more to the ted bundy debate

22 notes · View notes