#funny how his birthday and my birthday are only 24 hours apart

[limalosershq]

WELCOME, JUNE! OR IS THAT SEBASTIAN SMYTHE? EITHER WAY, YOU'RE A LIMA LOSER AROUND HERE NOW! Remember to look at our checklist here and then send in your account within 24 hours. That way I can send you the link to the discord server and you can get to plotting with everyone there. We all look forward to rping with you and once again, welcome to the mayhem of show choir!

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

NAME/ALIAS: june PRONOUNS: any! AGE (21+): 21+ TIMEZONE: aest ACTIVITY: with uni and work, lemme say 6/10!

IN CHARACTER INFORMATION

NAME: sebastian smythe FACECLAIM:  herman tømmeraas AGE/BIRTHDAY: twenty two, july 25th  GLEE CLUB: the warblers SONG CHOICE: touch it - ariana grande MAJOR/MINOR/GRADE: sebastian is a junior currently majoring in arts management  LOCATION: sebastian currently lives with his mother and her new, much older husband in westerville in the house she purchased with her money from the divorce. OCCUPATION: being a nepo baby, sebastian has never worked a day in his life <3  CLUBS/EXTRACURRICULARS/SPORTS: sebastian is co-captain of the dalton lacrosse team. 

LIST AT LEAST 3 HEADCANONS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER!

Sebastian was born in Westerville to two very wealthy parents, but was conceived in Paris. With his father a State’s Attorney from Ohio and his mother an extremely eclectic visual artist from France, Sebastian spent a lot of his childhood between the States and Europe. While Sebastian is the only child of his mom and dad, he has a lot of half siblings from his father’s many affairs over the years. The recent divorce of his parents and his mother’s new marriage certainly hasn’t made anything any simpler in that regard. All he knows is he’s the best looking out of them all.

Sebastian is perhaps the worst person you could ever meet. Rich, privileged, no-filter. It’s shocking he’s made it this far in life without getting punched in the face. He also had a reputation for being pretty sexually promiscuous, which is something he won’t deny. However, Sebastian has begun to notice that he seems to struggle with anything beyond random hook ups. Sex is great, he loves it, but he has never been able to make an emotional romantic connection with someone outside of it. He’s pretty sure he’s aromantic of some description, but is currently ensuring he’s too focused on school and Glee to think much about it. 

If you ask Sebastian’s dad what his son is doing at college, he’ll tell you he’s studying law. If you ask his mother, she’ll tell you he’s studying fashion design. Neither are true, Sebastian just has to lie in order to keep the two paying his tuition. He’s more than happy to be actually studying art management. It’s his dream to become the world’s most power-crazed agent one day. 

QUESTIONS

IS THIS WHERE YOU PICTURED YOURSELF RIGHT NOW IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS?

In Ohio? No, clearly not.. But apart from that, pretty much. I’ve always dreamed of working my way up in the arts industry so one day I can control it from the inside single-handedly and I get closer every day. The Warblers and the whole show choir thing as a collective also help, seeing just how deranged the types of people I’ll be representing one day can be. I’m building up my tolerance.

HOW’RE YOU FEELING ABOUT ALL THE SHOW CHOIR RIVALRY?

It’s hardly a rivalry at all. There are the Warblers and then we have…the other ones. They’re boring. Sloppy. Lazy. Yawning. The only other team I can even remember is the one that’s just the Warblers but I think they’re all lesbians now or something. It’s not a competition, but it’s really funny to see how hard they try. Endearing. 

WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A LIMA LOSER? WHERE EXACTLY IS YOUR LIFE HEADED, OR REALLY, WHERE SHOULD IT BE HEADING?

Well, for one, I don’t even live in Lima.  Westerville is significantly classier. Regardless, my life is headed on the up-and-up. The Warblers will dominate the season, I will continue to be one of the smartest people in my degree and so on and so forth. Do I have many friends? No. Do I have a great relationship with my parents or my 30+ half-siblings scattered across the globe? No. But I have a level of ambition only really seen in dictators, and a level of pettiness only seen in the antagonists of teen girl movies.

[millie-multifics]

Sleep Anxiety

Evan Buckley x GN!Reader

Sleeping in new places had always been difficult, a discovery your boyfriend makes when he asks you to spend the night.

Warning: Mentions of anxiety and insomnia. Buck being worried and cute.

Masterlist

x x x

No matter how often you had told yourself that the anxiety pooling in your stomach was unreasonable, it wouldn’t go away. It had been somewhat acceptable when you were a kid, though your inability to have sleepovers with your friends had excluded you from many birthday parties. This specific anxiety was less than welcome as an adult. You had been on plenty of trips in your adult life that required staying in an unfamiliar bed of a relative or a roadside motel, each night taken with a stride when by yourself- you had even made it through the first months at your new apartment with minimal sleep loss. Yet, the message your boyfriend Buck had sent 30 minutes ago had your mind spinning non-stop.

> How about you stay at my place tonight?

> Busy shift, and I don’t think I could survive the traffic to your place without falling asleep :p

It wasn’t like you didn’t want to spend the night with your ridiculously funny, caring and hot boyfriend. You had been looking forward to seeing him since the start of his shift 24 hours ago, and you couldn’t exactly blame him for wanting to spend the night tucked away in his bed after a long and hectic day. You had spent plenty of nights with Buck before, but only ever at your place- you had even played hooky on the high-end restaurant reservation you had acquired for your fourth date after ending up in bed. You had never been exactly sure what the cause of your sleep anxiety was, but it was the reason you were sent home a week early from camp in middle school after passing out with your head in a plate of mashed potatoes due to severe sleep deprivation. It had caused many problems in past relationships; partners had either assumed you were disinterested in them or branded you selfish when you would avoid sleeping at their places.

Buck was different, though, and you wanted this relationship to last. He wasn’t the type to kick you out at 2 am for keeping him awake or to label you as selfish for wanting to be able to get a good rest yourself. He never seemed to have an issue staying at your apartment, as he always slept like a baby whenever you were cuddled into his side. You could sacrifice one night of sleep if it meant dulling the ache of your longing heart, knowing the moment you laid eyes on his cute, unscathed face, your anxiety would be forgotten until it was time to crawl into bed.

< Of course

< I’ll pick up dinner <3

Your sleep anxiety had been pushed to the furthest corner of your mind as you devoured an array of takeout paired with chilled beer and wine, your conversation about Buck’s day at work overshadowing the movie playing on tv. You were collecting the dinner plates when a yawn slipped past Buck’s lips; the scrunch of his nose and the closure of his eyes was the non-verbal cue that it was time to crawl into bed and cuddle until sleep found you both, only you weren’t exactly sure how much shut-eye you would be getting tonight.

Less than 2 hours of sleep, that’s how long you managed to sleep curled in Buck’s embrace. You climbed out of bed with a sigh, maneuvering your body as carefully as possible not to wake Buck as he snored softly. You settled on the couch, turning the television to the lowest volume setting as you browse through the countless paid advertisements and reruns.

It wasn’t until an hour later that Buck realized you were no longer tucked away beside him, rolling over in bed to cuddle you closer.

“You should be asleep.” You kept your voice low as your eyes drifted from the Tv to Buck’s shirtless form when he found you downstairs.

“I could say the same thing for you.” He teased, rubbing the sleep from his eyes while they adjusted to the brightness coming from the screen. “What are you doing down here anyway?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” You shrugged, but the way your head lowered shamefully told your boyfriend that it wasn’t the whole story. “I get sleep anxiety when I sleep in new places.”

“Oh,” Buck muttered as he watched you fiddle with the hem of the shirt you had stolen from his drawer. It was quiet for a moment when you glanced up from the ever-interesting stitching, Buck was gone, and you found yourself alone. He reappeared a moment later with a large pillow, a soft blanket and his cell phone in hand. He gestured for you to stand before he placed the pillow against the arm of the couch, laying partially upright with his back against the soft cushion before he beckoned you to inhabit the space between his muscular thighs.

“You don’t have to do this, you know? Your bed is a lot more comfortable.”

“My bed’s not comfortable without you in it. I’d rather keep you company down here.”

Once you were fully settled, he draped the blanket over the both of you. The Guide To Easing Sleep Anxiety shone brightly on his phone screen as he planted a soft kiss along your hairline.

[emitheduck]

So. We're Soulmates? (Bucky x Reader)

A/N: my first soulmate AU, and I figured it was finally time, and bucky deserved one lol. no spoilers whatsoever

Soulmate AU where you have your soulmate’s birthday tattooed on your arm ---

March 10th, 1917.

(Y/n) had always thought, there was no possible way that the universe had ever, ever gotten her soulmate’s birthday right. When everyone was celebrating that their soulmate was around the same age as them, she got to look down in horror as she could practically see her soulmate’s life fly by. There was legitimately no possible way that her soulmate would even still be alive.

The rules of the soulmate were strange, and no one ever understood them or questioned them. It was found out sometime in the 80s that the dates on peoples forearms weren’t random--but the birthday of their soulmate. Because the universe was a cosmic nightmare, when someone’s soulmate died, the numbers went with them.

That’s what made this so strange.

Either (Y/n)’s soulmate was hanging onto life support, or the universe had fucked up and decided it was going to trick her into thinking she could find happiness like everyone else.

She had these feelings up until she got the faithful call one day, that she had landed the job with SHIELD and found out that she would be working in the helicarrier during the attack on New York. And that’s how she met Steve Rogers.

“You know, it’s kind of funny.” Steve sighed with a chuckle, shaking his head as he followed (Y/n) who was leading him to where he would be staying.

“What is?” She asked as she typed in the access code for one of the doors as they walked.

“The number on your arm. That’s my friend’s birthday.” Steve was smirking as he walked into his room. “I mean, it was his birthday.”

(Y/n) looked down at the date on her arm and sighed, her hand instinctively covering the date. “You sure he’s dead? Not some hundred-year-old veteran in a nursing home that you haven’t checked in on or something?” She was trying her best to not sound horrible for joking about his friend's death, but he seemed almost amused by her banter.

“Last I checked, he’s dead. I watched him fall off the train and everything.” He told her as he sat down on the edge of his bed. “His name was Bucky.” He told her as she turned around to leave, watching her stop for a moment to listen before she left.

Steve’s words always lingered in the back of her mind ever since that day on the helicarrier. She had seen the Bucky memorial spot in the museum, and the day she found out that he was alive, she would never forget (mostly because when it happened, she had dropped the bottle of wine she was holding on the floor and spent hours picking up tiny shards of glass).

The year was now 2023. Five years after the blip, and (Y/n) now fully retired from SHIELD. She left on good terms, but the years of working were just exhausting. Especially now that she came back after vanishing for five years and had to rebuild her life all over again. At least they were respectful, and were happy to give her the pay that she had missed out on.

It was hard enough having to deal with knowing all your close friends sacrificed themselves for the whole world, and not being able to do anything about it. That was the reason that kept her up most nights. The guilt of feeling like she could have done something, but never got the chance to, was the hardest feeling.

That’s what led (Y/n) to walking aimlessly around the grocery store at almost 2am. When she couldn’t sleep, sometimes the best thing to do was walk around pushing the cart and praying that the LED lights would calm her down enough to go home and face the empty apartment.

What she didn’t expect was turning the corner of the frozen section and crashing her cart into someone elses. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” (Y/n) apologize as she looked at the man in front of her. “I should have been looking. I guess I’m just tired.”

“I’m probably just tired too.” He chuckled, pulling his cart away from hers. Both the carts were empty anway. “You come here to walk around at night too?”

“How could you tell?” (Y/n) laughed, running a hand through her hair as she looked him over. He looked familiar, and knowing her luck he was some assassin that was stalking her, and came here to finish the job.

He motioned to their empty carts with a bob of his head. “Something about just pushing the carts around and listening to the crappy music makes me feel better too.” He smirked as he never broke eye contact. “Also, people normally buy food when they’re shopping.”

(Y/n) sighed, nodding. “You caught me. I’m just here to wander.”

“It’s okay. I am too. Sometimes staring at the TV isn’t enough.” He mumbled, shaking his head as he broke eye contact to look where his hands were gripping the handle of the cart. “Sorry, I’m just rambling I guess.”

“No, I get it.” She laughed it off, knowing it was late and sometimes people just kept talking when they were tired. “My names (Y/n).” She smiled, holding out her hand for him to shake.

He seemed to hesitate, but reached out and shook her hand. “My name’s Bucky.”

She could feel her mouth go dry. “Bucky?” There was just no, possible way that this was the man who has been in the back of her mind for years on end.

“I’m guessing you know who I am.” He muttered, already preparing himself to turn around and forget this interaction never happened. “Sorry, I should go.”

“Wait! No, I didn’t mean it like that.” (Y/n) exclaimed as she held her hands out to stop him from leaving. “I just have heard so much about you--not the way you think, it sounds so weird. I talked to Steve about you once, way back before the battle of New York.”

She peaked his interest at the mention of Steve. “You knew Steve?”

(Y/n) nodded. “He told me all about you. Look, I even have your birthday on my arm.” She told him, lifting up her sleeve to show him the date on her arm, watching his eyes go wide out of shock. “Steve liked to always tease me that I had your birthday, and I always told him that I probably had some old man, sitting in some hospital bed, decaying before our eyes. Wow, I am rambling, I am so sorry. I should leave.” She was bright red as she decided to just leave her cart where it was and accept the humiliation and leave.

“No, you don’t have to go.” Bucky told her, gently grabbing her arm to stop her from leaving. “I guess now that you showed me yours, I’ll show you mine.” He grinned as he let go of her arm, using his left hand to pull up his long sleeve. There on his arm, in bold black numbers was (Y/n)’s birthday clear as day.

“Do you maybe want to go get coffee at that 24 hour place across the street? We might have a bit we need to talk about.” She was dumbfounded. Steve would always tease and joke, telling her that Bucky was her soulmate just because it was the same birthday on her arm. But due to the fact that he was presumed dead for so long, (Y/n) never thought anything of it.

“Are you going to come inside? I’ve been holding the door open for almost a minute.” Bucky asked, laughing a little uncomfortably as he watched the woman just stand at the door of the diner. She didn’t even remember the walk to get there.

(Y/n) blinked, rubbing her eyes as she nodded and walked inside. The sign said seat yourself, and she found a nice seat by the window for the two of them. “Sorry. I guess I’m just a little speechless.”

He chuckled as he shifted in the booth. “I’ll be honest. Me too.”

“So. We’re soulmates.” She shrugged, feeling uncertain of herself. Finding her soulmate was never the first thing on her mind, because she never actually thought that she would find him. Sure, the universe also had a way of making the two cross paths at some point, but because of the age, she never cared.

“When I used to see the date on my arm, I thought it was a joke.” He told her, mumbling that he wanted a coffee when the waiter walked over and asked what they wanted. “She wants a coffee. Two cream, one sugar.” He said as the other man nodded and walked away.

“How did you know my coffee order?” She asked with a raise of her eyebrow.

Bucky opened his mouth like he was about to speak but sighed. “I legit have no idea. My brain was working for me, and it just came out.”

(Y/n) laughed. “I mean, we’re cosmically linked so it does make sense.” The coffee was set down in front of them and she smiled as she held onto the mug. “Is this when I ask if you can tell me about yourself?”

“Where do I start?” He asked as he set his coffee down after taking a sip. “My name is James Buchanan Barnes, but I go by Bucky. James is only for when shit hits the fan I guess.”

“I think I prefer Bucky.” She smiled, watching as his cheeks turned red for a moment.

“What about you Doll? What fun thing do you have to tell me?” Bucky asked her with a smirk, making it her turn to blush.

“I worked for SHIELD, that’s where I met Steve. But then there was that time we found out that Hydra was inside of SHIELD, and technically you tried to kill me.” She pointed out, watching as he put his head down in shame. “But that’s all in the past now. I’m not that person anymore.”

He took a sip of his coffee before he spoke. “What changed?”

(Y/n) sighed, shaking her head as she held onto her coffee mug for warmth. “I was pretty close with Steve and Natasha. Tony helped me get the job at SHIELD, too. Three people that I looked up to more than anything, were gone before I ever got a chance to say goodbye.” She told him, knowing that there would be no more tears left to cry. Her tear-ducts seemed to stop working after she had cried for days straight that they were gone.

“I wasn’t very close to anyone but Steve, but I do understand how you feel.” He told her, leaning across the table to rest a hand on her shoulder. “Do you live in the city?”

“I live pretty close to Hell’s Kitchen.” She told him, watching as he nodded. “I’m guessing you live in Brooklyn?”

He looked a little surprised, but still smiled. “How could you tell?”

She smiled back, a little shy. “Some part of me just knew, but the other part of me heard Steve talk about Brooklyn all the time. He loved it there, and I guess I thought you did too.”

“It’s definitely still amazing, but a lot has changed. I’m still getting used to it all.” Bucky confessed, putting down some money for the coffee as they both finished and stood up from the table.

(Y/n) checked her phone and sighed at the time. 3:30 in the morning, and there was no way she was going to sleep now. Now, she was going to ride the train and hope that the rocking of the subway would be enough to turn her mind off for a while. “I should get going. It’s getting late, and I’m taking the train back.”

He nodded, seeming a little uneasy that she was about to leave. “Do you maybe want my number? We could meet up someday, maybe get to know eachother better?”

She grinned as she handed him her phone. “Put your number in.” She told him as they traded phones, smirking as she put in her contact. “I put my information as (Y/n)-Soulmate, just in case you seemed to forget.”

“Oh trust me, I don’t think I’ll ever forget.” Bucky chuckled as he looked at her contact. “Promise you’ll call?”

“Considering the fact I’ve known you for a few hours, and I’m already completely head-over-heels for you, I don’t think you have to worry.” (Y/n) told him, leaning up and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “Bye for now, but not bye forever.”

Bucky was grinning like an idiot, and he knew it. “I like the sound of that. I still just can’t believe I found you after all these years.”

“You better believe it, because you’re going to be seeing a lot more of me from now on.”

MASTERLIST

[ronnie-azumane]

Haikyuu guys as stuff my dad did

This idea has been in my brain for a while, so I'm writing it out. Hope y'all enjoy :)

CW: idn, its pretty wholesome

Daichi answers your frantic phone call home expressing that you forgot your backpack and laptop for college when you went home over the weekend. Expressing that all of your notes are in the backpack, he decides to wake-up extra early Monday morning and make the 2 1/2 hour drive to your university, then drive all the way back to your hometown to go to work.

Sugawara came up with the best hiding spot for you while playing hide and seek at your 7th birthday party. He squeezed you in-between the back of the couch and the back couch cushions. Then, he sat in front of it to conceal the awkward lump it made in the couch. It took the others 30 minutes before giving up and telling you to come out.

Asahi asks you to style his hair for a zoom meeting he has later that day. After some deliberation, you both decide to do a mohawk style. He braces himself as you run off to get the brush, hairspray, hair gel, and hairdryer.

Nishinoya still wears the Annoying Orange shirt you got him when you were in 3rd grade. It's faded and has a giant picture of Annoying Orange on it, which faded from popularity in 2010, but he still wears it. In public.

Tanaka makes the dumbest jokes while in the audience of your colorguard/dance competitions. For example, he asked your mom if he should shout "Go get 'em George" to the group of girls performing to confuse everyone. Another favorite joke o his is to chant "the worm, the worm,, we worship the worm" while the previous team is carrying out their floor.

Ennoshida talks with you as you make one of the biggest changes in your life. Midway through your second semester at university, you determine that business is not for you, however, you do not have a backup plan. Talking with him, you end up changing your major to Geography, and now you love every second of it.

Kageyama drinks the milk out of you cereal. You hate the taste of milk by itself, but you don't want to eat dry cereal. To not waste milk, he drinks it after you finish eating your cereal.

Hinata fails miserably when your mom tells him to reapply the medical glue on your forehead. The day before, your sister threw a wooden block at you, causing a major tear in your head. Your mom took you to the emergency room, but they were busy and it was a school night, so they told her to just take some liquid band aid (which we called glue) and close the wound. Your mom told him to replace the glue, and he took ELMERS GLUE and placed it on the open wound. It hurt like a bitch.

Tsukishima takes you to go see the museum of natural history once a month. He knows you're the odd girl out of your class that would rather play with dinosaurs than dolls, so he takes you to see the dinosaur fossils. He also gets a discount because his place of work donated a significant amount of money and resources to one of the exhibits.

Yamaguchi helped set up your setup once you moved to zoom university. He attached your laptop to a monitor his job had extra, so now you feel like a badass whenever you use the two screens.

Oikawa out of nowhere invites all his high school friends over to stay the week at your house. A trip that probably should have been planned in weeks, even months, is planned in just a weekend. Everyone ends up sleeping on air mattresses and blankets on the floor due to your mom just finishing up replacing the floors in the house (she was not too happy with the sudden trip, but was welcoming anyway)

Iwaizumi makes you watch Godzilla with him whenever it's on TV. Some of his fondest memories include receiving Godzilla themed ornaments from his mom ever Christmas. He also unironically watches those cheesy fan-made Godzilla fights on YouTube for hours on end. Man just likes Godzilla.

Hanamaki and you wear funny hats to a volunteer cookout. The organizers told every one to wear a hat so that their hair didn't get in the food, but you two take it a step further. You wear a banana hat while he wears a hotdog hat.

Matsukawa taught you how to make all kinds of breakfast food at a young age. Whether it was a simple as a fried egg or as complex as French toast, he worked with you until the recipe came out perfect.

Kyotani scares the other parents off when it comes to the silent auction selling the class are projects. Now the shelf you and your kindergarten classmates fingerprinted flowers and bugs on sits proudly in your closet holding crafting supplies.

Ushijima scolds you for leaving the lights on. Most parents do that already, but he takes it to a new extreme. Your mom explains that he would never turn the lights on in his apartment when he was in college and would simply get his homework done before dark. Sometimes, if he had something to do, he would light a candle to finish something up.

Tendou recalls a story in which he stole a bus battery with his buddies to power an air conditioned tent at boy scout camp. He also recalls the year he and his friends tried to build a pool in the wilderness at the same count, only to get caught and reprimanded for it before filling it with water which totally had nothing to do with a camp counselor finding it and having a Vietnam flashback

Goshiki watches anime with you. He always acts like he is uninterested in whatever show is on, but he soon gets super into it and it will be the only thing he talks about for a week.

Kuroo sits at the table with you until 2am working on that math assignment you have been struggling with. You've definitely run out of tears to cry, and had to redo the assignment twice, but he is guiding you through the answers

Yaku isn't a fan of all the pets you and your mom have collected over the years. I mean, in his defense, at one point we had 8 cats an 3 dogs. However, he is also super cuddly with them, always giving them nose boops and belly rubs.

Kenma plays Xbox, Wii, and the ds with you. He doesn't find the bulk of the games you play with him entertaining, but he is willing to run through LEGO Star Wars with you. His personal favorite to play is Mario Kart and he doesn't let you win >:(

Lev is trying to convince the family to let him take the position in Alaska with higher pay. When mom raised the concern that the long winters wouldn't do well for your mental health, his counter argument was, "Yeah, and that sucks, but hear me out. We could have a pet Polar Bear." We didn't move to Alaska

Bokuto was definitely the most enthusiastic dad at the girl scout father daughter dance. He twirled you around in your pretty little JC Penney dress and made sure you two were the center of the dance floor. At one point, he lifted you above his head with each foot in a hand like a cheerleader. Truly terrifying.

Akaashi drives out to the 24-hour pharmacy to pick up some cold medicine when you couldn't sleep due to a stuffy nose. He also checks up on you every hour when you are coughing with some mysterious disease (due to the lack of tests and priority of the high-risk, I will never know if I had Covid when I got sick in late March)

Aone gives you the biggest hug after you get released from the graduation ceremony. He isn't the best with words, so this hug speaks so much to you.

Terushima has been taking you to Mardi Gras in New Orleans since you were a baby. He doesn't care that it's mostly an adult party, he believes that everyone in the family should enjoy a good ol' Mardi Gras

Atsumu carries you on his shoulders all the time when you're small. He just thinks it's the cutest thing.

Osamu makes sure to host a crawfish boil every year. Whether its the neighbors, family, both, or just the household, you can expect some good, spicy crawfish with corn and potatoes whenever he cooks.

Kita teaches you how to drive a stick shift. He's frustrated that you cant move three feet before stalling, but then realizes that the issue was that you were in third gear, not first. He is now impressed that you were even able to start moving at third gear.

Sakusa takes you along with him to work. His job is full of tough men, so when they see him with you in a little blue dress-up tutu and a plastic tiara on your head, their hearts just melt.

[hatterstan-shameblog]

Nobody asked for this but I'm gonna do it anyways...

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Fluff Alphabet: Takeru/Aguni Edition

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

A = Attractive what do they find attractive about the other?

Takeru: only reason he let Aguni wear regular clothes and not swimwear is because he saw ARM in that tank top and was like "oh damn okay 😳." So, y'know, that. (And he'll never admit it but he kinda likes how Aguni is a little bit taller than he is....) Also likes that Aguni has a really dry, deadpan sense of humor—he ways finds a way to make Takeru laugh, even when he's not really trying.

Aguni: I think the physical aspect of things wasn't really a make-or-break for him at first—like, yeah, Takeru's a good-looking guy, but that's secondary. He liked how Takeru is such a live-wire, very loud and colorful and seemingly fearless, no matter what kind of trouble they got into. (But also...he likes the hair. That's a thing for him.)

B = Baby do they want a family? why/why not?

Takeru: If they end up with one somehow, then, sure. But, like. He's not going out of his was to make it a thing. (But also, he has his cat, Ziggy, who he calls his baby, so...)

Aguni: Would secretly love to be a dad but is too worried he might mess the kid up or something. Is more than happy to be 'unofficial parent' to the neighborhood kids, though. Handing out ice pops to the kids that show up at the shop, keeping an eye out and telling them to get home before dark, maybe even showing one or two of them how to throw a better curveball...you know. Real Hallmark channel shit. (And yes, for those who were wondering: Ziggy the cat loves him and often curls up on his lap while he watches TV)

C = Cuddle how do they cuddle?

They don't really "cuddle" outside of bed. Just kinda sit next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, no big deal. But in bed, Aguni lies on his back with his arm sorta outstretched while Takeru...well, my man is worm on a string but OFF the string, he just flops all sorts of ways and a lot of them don't look comfortable but he falls asleep in minutes so whatever.

D = Dates what are dates with them like?

I don't think they do "dates"—they've got a long-term thing going on, so they often end up on the couch eating takeout and watching movies. I think they'd go to the movie theater sometimes (and talk shit for the entire film lol) and every once in a while grab dinner somewhere nice...but, usually because they have some cool limited-time-only dessert item that Takeru insists they try. (And Aguni pretends to be upset about having to get dressed up and go out, but is actually rather pleased to have a little romance...and get something to satisfy his sweet tooth.)

E = Everything you are my ____ (e.g my life, my world…)

Aguni: Emergency Medical Contact

Takeru: Co-Signer On The Apartment Lease

F = Feelings when did they know they were falling in love?

Takeru: About a week after Aguni (drunkenly) confessed his crush. Literally spent a whole week like, "Wow, it's a shame I don't love him back. He's so kind and handsome and smart and funny...too bad, I guess..." until one night he sat up straight in bed and said "Hold up." He then immediately called Aguni and began demanding why Aguni didn't tell him he was in love with him this whole time.

Aguni: They had been friends since they were kids, so it's hard to say when his feelings went from "you're my best friend" to something different. But, once he figured it out, he swore never to mention it because that could complicate their friendship.

G = Gentle are they gentle? If so, how?

Takeru: Yes and no. He's got a bad case of "grabby hands" and often yanks Aguni to and fro to look at something or whatever. Just zero respect for the man's personal space. But otherwise...I imagine he's not particularly rough or gentle, just kind of normal. EXCEPT when it comes to the emotional stuff—like, the real heavy things. I think he's very gentle with that, not asking too many questions and just sort of taking care of him where he can.

Aguni: Generally gentle—physically, emotionally, whatever. But I do think that he's confrontational, like when there's an issue, he comes straight out and asks Takeru what's going on. Even corners him, sometimes. He seems like a "no bullshit" guy, and since Takeru is "Mr. 99% Bullshit" he's gotta deal with it as best he can.

H = Hand/Hold how do they like to hold hands?

The only time they "hold hands" is when Takeru is grabbing Aguni's wrist to drag him somewhere (or run away lol) and when Aguni is pulling Takeru's hand back to stop him from touching something...

I = Impression first impression/s

I headcanon that they met very young, like grade school age. After school, in the park, where Takeru was chilling in a tree and Aguni walked by and he was like "Hey, there's a spider up here, wanna see?" and Aguni is like "Not really, I don't like bugs..." Now, Takeru, being "weird bug kid extraordinaire" can't believe his strange little ears and hops down from the tree and starts explaining why bugs are so cool and that Aguni is wrong...and Aguni listens as this funky, tiny firecracker just talks his damn ear off. Aguni liked how excited Takeru got about things, and Takeru liked how Aguni actually listened to him. And they were fast friends after that!

J = Joker are they into pulling pranks?

Takeru fucks around all the time...and doesn't often find out, because Aguni tolerates all his antics. (To a certain point, but still.) Every once in a while, Aguni will tell some harmless little lie just to watch Takeru freak out—he told him once that Lady Gaga was leaving the music scene forever, and Takeru screamed so loud the neighbors filed a noise complaint.

K = Kisses how do they kiss?

I think they most often do quick pecks—at the breakfast table, when they get home from work. You know. Domestic stuff. But when it's not like that...I think 9/10 times it's Takeru initiating, and Aguni reciprocates by wrapping his arms around him in a big hug (because he likes it but also to keep that skinny little weirdo from wiggling so damn much, he's always moving, he can't just be still—)

L = Love who says I love you first?

Neither! I don't think they really say it at all! Why say something that doesn't need to be said? (At least, that's how they see it...)

M = Memory their favorite moment together

Aguni: It's not really a memory, but...just how they have breakfast together some mornings. Sipping coffee, discussing whatever's going on in the world, the general "togetherness" that comes with it is one of his favorite feelings.

Takeru: The time they spent a full 24 hours in a karaoke booth singing 80's hits and knocking back tequila shots and ordering way too much food.

N = Nickel do they spoil? do they buy the person they love everything?

Takeru: Absolutely buys stuff for Aguni all the time. Mostly random snacks, or little knick-knacks that catch his eye. And also clothes, but...Aguni doesn't always approve.

Aguni: Doesn't buy Takeru stuff BUT leaves vases of flowers he grew on the table for Takeru to find.

O = Orange what color reminds them of their other half

Anything bright and obnoxious reminds Aguni of Takeru—red in particular, which also happens to be Takeru's favorite. And Takeru thinks Aguni has calm and soothing blue-green vibes. Like the ocean, beautiful and serene, but also dark and capable of incredible destruction.

P = Petnames what pet names do they use?

Takeru: All of them. Darling, babe, sweetheart (but he calls everyone those lol). Aguni-specific ones are always over-the-top and ridiculous like "brightest star in all of the heavens..." and he always gets an eye-roll for his efforts.

Aguni: Absolutely does not use pet names. Just says "hey you" or something. Once called Takeru "babe" and Takeru had to stop washing dishes and sit down because he was laughing so hard.

Q = Quaint what is their favorite non-modern thing?

Takeru: I feel like he would collect a ton of vintage stuff—clothes, records, just random little bits and bobs he comes across. But his favorite is definitely his record player—it belonged to his dad, and he keeps it in a place of honor in the hat shop.

Aguni: A set of very old and well-cared-for gardening tools. Takeru got them for him for his birthday, and he legit treasures them.

R = Rainy Day what do they like to do on a rainy day?

Lay on the couch and do literally nothing. Takeru gets the left end, Aguni takes the right, and they binge trash TV shows all day. (And also they make box-mix brownies and eat them straight out of the pan. It's "their thing.")

S = Sad how do they cheer themselves/each other up

Takeru: Aside from all his self-destrictive behaviors (binge-drinking, dangerous situations, etc.) he just really needs a good laugh. And Aguni somehow always manages to make him laugh with an unexpected, deadpan comment. Also, he makes Takeru actually talk through his problems instead of ignoring them...

Aguni: if he's in a bad mood, you just need to let him work through it on his own. He hates being "talked down to" and feels that most attempts at cheering up are cheap, so most people don't attempt. Buf...Takeru is not "most people" and breaks out his most ridiculous jokes to try to get Aguni to crack a smile.

T = Talking what do they love to talk about?

Other people! You know Takeru is the "XOXO Gossip Girl" of the neighborhood, but Aguni...he's like a little old church lady and ADORES hearing all the latest drama.

U = Unencumbered What helps them relax?

Both of them have the same method of relaxation and it's...bubble baths! Aguni does a basic, skin soothing soak and just hangs out in the warm water with a book or maybe just his thoughts to keep him company. But Takeru? He's got some fancy bath soaps, and he takes in a glass of wine and lights a few candles and does a face mask and it's a whole EVENT.

V - Very thoughts about each other

Takeru: Thinks Aguni needs to loosen up and take more risks...but also just loves the guy to pieces.

Aguni: Kinda wishes Takeru would calm tf down sometimes...but also knows that it's just how the guy is and wouldn't dare change him.

W = Wedding when, how, where do they propose?

They're not really the marrying type! They just have a mutual understanding of commitment and that's that.

(But if they did have a wedding... I think it would be a relatively small affair with all their closest friends and family. Like a dinner party, but somewhere extra nice and with lots of good food and alcohol. Intimate and meaningful, with just enough "extra" to satisfy Takeru.)

X = Xylophone What’s their song?

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" because they hid out in a karaoke booth (different from the 24-hour event that Takeru cherishes so much) to es ape the Yakuza and Takeru sang it over and over to pass the time.

Y = You the ___ to my ___ (e.g the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

"Breaking" to my "Entering." The "Assault" to my "Battery." (They both hate this sort of thing and try to come up with the worst answers possible lol)

Z = Zebra if they wanted a pet, what pet would they get?

They already have the cat, Ziggy, who is their perfect little angel.

[truegenius]

Because of You

moreid blurb for @spencers-renaissance <3

Summary: Spencer breaks up with his long time boyfriend. Derek comforts him.

Pairing: Moreid

Rating: G

tw: none

"Can I stay here tonight?" Spencer asked as Derek stood at 3:24 am, holding his front door open with a confused look on his face.

This in itself would not be out of the ordinary. Spencer often showed up at his house at odd hours of the night, sometimes to discuss potential breaks in a case, or to show Morgan a documentary he discovered that he thought Derek would like, and many times to raid the older agent's fridge as he steadfastly refused to buy food of his own. Derek never said anything; he never minded caring for the genius. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he secretly enjoyed being the one to make Spencer’s face light up and could feel an anger rise in him what it was caused by anyone else.

What drew Derek's attention was the state the young genius was in. Spencer was clad in only the dress shirt, khakis, and converse he had worn to work that day, and soaked down to the bone due to the thunderstorm raging outside. He had no bag or coat or umbrella and Derek was sure that his phone must have incurred some form of water damage. Spencer's hair was strewn about from the howling wind, but from what Derek could see through the strands of hair covering Spencer's face, his eyes were red and his cheeks were puffy.

"Reid," Derek said, desperately wanting to put his fist in the face of whoever caused it but deciding instead to pull the genius into a bone crushing hug, “What happened? Did you walk here?”

Derek didn't gave Spencer time to answer as he pulled away and nudged him into his apartment. He closed the door softly behind him as he watched Spencer carefully. The doctor was in the middle of his living room, creating a puddle on the hardwood floor where he stood, with his shoulders hunched and hair still falling in his face, looking like a lost puppy. This boy was going to be the death of him.

"Are you alright?" Derek said, walking over to him slowly and tucking the hair covering his face behind his ears.

“I will be,” Spencer whispered and gave Derek a small smile. After a moment of silence, he asked, "Uh, can I have a towel?"

"Oh! yeah," Derek said, taking a step back, "C'mon pretty boy, let's get you cleaned up."

Spencer followed Derek down the hallway, slipping into the bathroom as Derek continued down the hall to find some dry clothes for the both of them. Derek quickly changed out of his damp shirt and went to rummage through his closet to find clothes that might fit the smaller man. He ended up with a t-shirt about two sizes too small on him, a pair of sweatpants that he found in the bottom of his drawer, and a pair of fluffy pink socks, a birthday gift that his sister had gotten him as a joke.

"Hey Spence," Derek knocked on the closed door to his bathroom, "I've got some dry clothes for you out here if..."

He trailed off as Spencer opened the door wearing only his boxer briefs and signature mismatched socks. Derek had to actively avoid dragging his eyes up and down his lithe frame and slightly toned stomach as Spencer took the clothes from his hands and promptly shut the door in his face. Derek stood there for a minute, slightly stunned by Spencer's quick change in demeanor. He shook it off and wandered into the kitchen to make something that might calm Spencer down.

Spencer padded into the room just as Derek finished pouring hot chocolate into two mugs. Derek smiled slightly seeing the genius in his clothes which were still incredibly baggy on the kid. He slowly sat in one of the stools at the island as Derek slid a mug across the counter. The room was quiet as they drank in silence with Spencer occasionally looking over at the man leaning on the counter across from him, looking backdown into his mug every time Derek made eye contact.

Derek finished his coco first, rinsing his cup and leaving it in the sink before taking the seat next to Spencer on the other side of the island.

"Pretty boy, please," Derek said, "Talk to me."

“Aaron broke up with me." Spencer whispered after a long moment, his hands fiddling with the handle of his mug.

"You were dating someone? Wait—" Derek paused to process what was just said. "You... were dating... Hotch?" He asked, feeling the jealousy radiate through him as he tried his hardest not to put any judgement in his voice.

"What?" Spencer asked, furrowing his eyebrows, "No. Aaron Faller."

Derek stayed quiet, urging him to go on.

"I met him in college. We, uh, we started dating about three years ago... before I got into the bureau. After we graduated, he decided to follow me here. I thought-" he paused to collect his thoughts, "I thought we were gonna be together forever."

Spencer's voice cracked at the end and Derek could tell that the kid was near tears. The doctor refused to make eye contact, choosing instead to stare furiously into his hot chocolate. Derek could see as Spencer processed the emotions going through his head, going from sad to confused to angry before settling back on sad again and he had to fight the urge to pull the smaller man into another hug.

“I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him... I thought he didn’t,” Spencer whispered, “I told him that, too”

Spencer got up suddenly, startling Derek with his sudden movement as he went to put his mug in the sink.

“And you know what’s funny?” He said with a laugh as he turned the faucet on with so much force that Derek thought it might snap off, “He said that I was wrong. He said I had it backwards, that he loved me more than I did him, and do you know what the worst part is? I think he was right.”

“Spence,” Derek said, trying to get his attention as Spencer was still aggressively washing the mug. He turned off the water with just as much force and dropped the mug in the sink with a loud thud.

Derek knew that he had to choose his words carefully as Spencer looked like the next words he said might break him entirely, “Take a breath. Take your time.”

Spencer looked down as he fiddled with his hands and mumbled, “He said... he said it’s because of you”

He still refused to make eye contact and there was a long moment of silence before he continued, “He said that ever since I got in to the BAU, ever since I met you, all I would talk about is you and that every time we had a conversation, no matter where it started, it always ended up leading to you. Things on the street or stores that we would pass would always somehow remind me of you.‘Oh that restaurant? Derek mentioned that place has good Mexican food’ or ‘oh that park? Derek plays basketball there on the weekends’ and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for not noticing it and I hate that I was too wrapped up in you to realize that I was hurting someone that I truly care about and I hate that I don’t care that Aaron broke up with me because he is a genuinely good person who absolutely does not deserve any of the crap that I’ve unwittingly put him through. But what I hate most is that I don’t care enough to end things with him properly. God, I didn’t cry, I didn’t ask him to stay. When he confronted me, all I said was ‘I’m sorry’ and left. What kind of asshole would—”

Spencer halted his ranting when he heard the man across from him let out what sounded like a giggle. Their eyes finally met and Derek couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto his face. However it was quickly replaced with shock and it almost gave Derek whiplash with how instantly Spencer went from shy to seething.

“I fucking knew it. I knew you’d be like this,” Spencer hissed, moving around the island to point a skinny finger in Derek’s face, “You with your gigantic ego. You love this don’t you, ruining my life. Derek Morgan finally gets poor little Spencer Reid under his thumb. You just think—”

“Spence!” Derek was laughing again because no matter how hard he tried, the over dramatic doctor was about as terrifying as a baby kitten. He caught Spencer’s hands in his own as the genius feebly tried to hit him in the chest, “Spence, I’m smiling cause—”

“Cause you—” Spencer started as he tried to wrestle his hand out of the stronger man’s grip.

“Because I love you too, Spence” Derek interrupted.

“You—” Spencer stopped struggling, “You what?”

“I love you pretty boy. I have for a long time.” Derek smiled as he watched Spencer process his words.

“But I didn’t...” Spencer trailed off.

“You don’t have to. I know.” Derek smiled softly, “Call me selfish. Call me whatever you like but I’m glad that Aaron broke up with you cause now I can have you all to myself. And I’d really like to kiss you now if you’ll let me.”

Spencer didn’t bother to answer as he crashed his lips onto Derek’s.

taglist: @hotchsbabygirl @spencers-renaissance @wheelsup @makaylajadewrites @tobias-hankel @goobzoop @ssa-m-187 @hotchgans @honeyharreh @morceid @scandinavian-punk @reidology @lavenderbau @ssa-prentissinred @dr-omalley @athenna71 @temily

[neoloves]

— 𝐈𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝟐𝟒 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬! (*𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆*)

| 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 | Running a YouTube channel together, you and Kageyama pull pranks on each other for the entertainment of your audience, as well as for the fun. You decided to pull a devious prank on his birthday, you would ignore Kageyama for a whole day, think you can last?

| 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | Kageyama Tobio

| 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬) | sad boy Tobio :(

| 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝.𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 1.1k

| 𝐚𝐭𝐡.𝐭𝐱𝐭 | happy birthday to my best boy 🥺 thank u for being the ultimate comfort character for me out there, the loml 🥺😩

© All rights reserved to neoloves 2020. Do not repost or modify

Picking up the camera from the coffee table, you fix your hair up a bit before hitting the 'record' button. Kageyama was currently at practice, so you had more than enough time to explain to your viewers about the prank you were about to pull. "Hey guys! Welcome back to our channel, as you can tell, Kageyama isn't here right now," You panned the camera around the room, "He's out practicing, and today! Is his birthday, and being the best girlfriend out there, I'll be pulling a prank on him, yes, on his birthday too," you snickered.

"What kind of prank you say? I'll be ignoring him! It'll be hard, but I think I'll last for at least 2 hours.. maybe," You said into the camera, "Hopefully he won't suspect anything or else the plan is screwed.." Your hands scramble with the camera on your hands as you hear the front door being opened, "Why is he early?!" You whisper-shouted, hiding the camera behind the succulent plant on the shelf, you peek out the bedroom seeing Kageyama at the kitchen, drinking water.

"Y/N?" He called out, but you simply closed the door to your shared bedroom, the easiest way to ignore Kageyama is to not see him. You placed yourself onto the bed, the door opened not too late, "Hey, Y/N," he said, you were mindlessly scrolling down your phone as he walked closer. "What's up? You're usually not this quiet.." He asked, but you weren't budging, he tried to reach out to you but you only moved away from him. This obviously hurt Kageyama's feelings, why were you acting like this? Did he do something wrong?

"Tell me Y/N, did I do something wrong?" He said, his voice sounding desperate. Still nothing, you were about 10 minutes into the prank, and you planned to keep it going. "Fuck– I did, didn't I?" He sighs, his hand going through his hair. "Can you at least tell me what it is so I can apologize for it?" He waits for your response, nope, still no answer. "Or not.." He rolls his eyes, if this is your way of telling him you're mad then he doesn't like it. He walks out of the bedroom, and for a second, your face falters.

Pretending to ignore him was gonna be harder than you thought, all you have to think about is how to tell him that this is all a prank. What would his response be? Being upset is the most obvious answer right now. You look towards the camera, putting a thumbs up towards its way. 'Fake it til you make it I guess' you told yourself. You hear the television from the living room, Kageyama's keeping him busy.

You go out the bedroom to get a drink, he looks at your direction. "Are you done being mad?" He asked, you didn't even acknowledge his presence as you put the cup in the sink and headed towards the bedroom. He drops the remote to follow you, you were caught off guard as he pushes you onto the bed, his arms caging you in between. You look to the side, avoiding his puppy like eyes, you didn't want to break, not yet. "Y/N, look at me," He said, sternly. You kept looking to the side, you can feel Kageyama's intense stare into your face. You felt like you were gonna melt under his staring.

After a few more minutes he sighs, sliding off of you, as he stands in front of you, his eyes were sullen. "I'm sorry.." he whispered, Kageyama didn't deserve to get treated like this, especially on his birthday. The way his voice sounded, guilt slowly seeps into you, you were treating him unfairly, and for what? Views? More subscribers? You didn't even know what sparked in you to do this prank in the first place, as you were deep in thought, the slam of the front door was the thing to snap you out of it.

You rushed out the room as you don't see Kageyama anywhere, meaning he went out to God knows where. He must've taken his gym bag with him, you picked the camera off its hiding place. "As you guys can see, I've messed up, big time.." you said into the camera, "I have to go tell Kageyama about the prank, I don't wanna upset him any further," You said, already wanting to cuddle with your boyfriend. You turned off the camera, taking large strides to the front door, not even one step outside the apartment, there you see Kageyama. He was playing with his volleyball, he looked up from the ball.

"Have you decided to talk to me yet?" He asked, walking closer to you, making you back up into the apartment. Turning the camera back on, as you pressed record, Kageyama takes the camera off your hands. "Hey!–" his lips crashed onto yours, his kisses were always needy, wanting to feel you deeper. He pulls away, "Why did you do it?" He said, not letting you answer as he kissed you once again, "Did you think it was funny?"

"Well–" the next kiss felt needier than the last, "Let me explain Kageyama!" You said, pushing him away a bit, just enough distance in between you two. "Well go on, this better be a great explanation," He said, his arms crossing against his chest, his stare scrutinizing you. "Uh okay, so basically this was a dumb prank, I wanted to ignore you for 24 hours, and yeah, that's that.." You said, he pinches his nose bridge as he shakes his head. "So what you meant, was that you ignored me for the majority of my birthday for a YouTube video?" He asked, you nodded.

He envelopes you into a hug, propping his chin onto the top of your head. "So you're not mad?" He asked, you let out a laugh. "What do you mean? Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" You said, wrapping your arms around his waist. "No, I could never be mad at you.. but don't think you can do this type of prank again!" He said, looking behind him was your camera, blinking red, you were still recording, it seems like Kageyama didn't notice.

"How about we celebrate your birthday tomorrow? I'll buy you lunch and we can do anything you want, but for now I missed you," you pouted as you broke the hug. "And whose fault was that?" He said, flicking your forehead. "Ow! I'm sorry okay! I thought it'd be a funny prank," you said, rubbing the spot he flicked. "We could've been cuddling, instead you put me through hell and back," He scoffed, the recording was long forgotten as you two spent all night cuddling and watching a movie.

"And don't think I won't get you back from this," Kageyama said, "Is that a challenge?"

[onebatch2batch]

24 or 43 for kastle from the 50 prompts thingy??

43. “Are you drunk?” [ao3]

I got a little carried away....not sorry. Thank you for the prompt!!

--

The sun has long since set by the time Karen manages to shoulder her way into her apartment building, annoyed. It’s been a long and difficult week, and she had been so excited to get home to her pajamas, wine, and fuzzy socks. In fact she’d been almost out of her office before realizing that her cabinets at home are completely empty. She’s been so busy at work that grocery shopping has been on the back burner, and she knew that if she’d just gone straight home after work she would have ordered in food all weekend. Her budget would never allow for that--and so she’d stopped at the little bodega on the way home and bought what she needed. All in all it had amounted to about four bags and a bottle of wine tucked safely away in her purse. She’d walked the five blocks home with aching hands and aching feet, dreaming of her quiet apartment. Maybe I’ll take a bath, she thinks as she shoots the broken elevator a sour look, or maybe I’ll just lay in bed and watch Netflix. Or try to work through one of my cold cases. Or read. Oh, maybe I’ll read in the bath.

She does none of those things. Karen reaches her floor, turns the corner, and her heart stutters.

There’s someone at her door. He’s got his back to her, so she can’t make out much, but he’s in dark clothes and his hood is up. He’s got his forehead pressed to her door. Part of her hopes he’s just drunk and thinks he’s somewhere else. The more logical part says that she definitely recognizes those combat boots even from behind.

“Frank?”

He jerks, then turns to give her a wide, loose smile. “Hey, Kar’n.”

She stares. Blinks. Stares some more. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh.” He shifts, nearly trips on a frayed part of the hallway carpet, catches himself last minute. “Can we talk inside?”

There goes my quiet evening.

As happy as she is to see Frank Castle alive and well, she knows not to expect more than a friendly social call. Karen passes him a handful of groceries and digs out her keys, letting them both into her warm apartment. Frank slides the lock in place behind her as she moves towards the kitchen, kicking off her heels with an embarrassingly happy groan. “Is this a coffee conversation, or something strong?” she asks over her shoulder.

Frank carefully maneuvers the handful of bags onto her counter and focuses on removing everything for her to put away. “You worried ‘bout me bein’ here?”

That’s a loaded question. She raises a brow. “Frank, you never visit recreationally. What’s going on? Are you on the run again? Need some info on someone?” If they have to have this conversation, she’d rather get the niceties out of the way and get back to her weekend.

“Nope. None of that.”  He smiles again, nearly drops an apple, and then something clicks.

“Wait a minute,” she gasps, amazed. “Are you drunk?”

His answering grin is enough. Karen laughs incredulously, some of the tension knotted in her spine loosening. As soon as she’d seen him she had assumed that he needed something, or needed her help. Not that he was paying a visit on the way home from a bar.

“I didn’t even think you drank,” she huffs, amused. She quickly puts away her groceries and then pours a glass of wine for herself.

“I don’t usually,” he admits, leaning against the counter. Now that she knows what she’s looking for, there’s a warm flush on his cheeks and a looseness to his limbs that’s different from his normal, tense posture. “It’s Curt’s birthday, we had a couple after group.”

She’s glad to hear he’s still going to that group. They settle on the couch and exchange small talk about how it’s going and how Curtis is until curiosity gets the better of her. “So why are you actually here, Frank?”

He looks caught. She’s interested to see that his usually expressive face is much more so when inebriated. Every flicker of his eye and clench of his jaw gives away what he’s thinking. It’s like reading a book on how dodgy a vigilante can look. “Well, I wanted to see you.”

It's such a line, and coming from anyone form him she would have rolled her eyes. As it stands, the idea of The Punisher making a booty call because he’s had a bit too much to drink makes her laugh. She catches the hurt look on his face before he can hide it.

“What?”

“Oh no, Frank, I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I’m glad you’re here.” She reaches over to squeeze his arm reassuringly, which seems to mollify him slightly.

“What’s funny, then?”

“Just the thought of The Punisher making a booty call.” Karen laughs again, unable to help herself. Frank is the most intense person she’s ever met, and she would certainly know if that was his plan. She doesn’t think he would be able to hide it if it were. She looks at him, inviting him to share in the hilarity of the idea, but he’s not laughing. Not even a little. In fact, his face flashes red and he clears his throat, looking away.

“Hang on,” Karen says slowly, laugh dying in her throat. “Is that what this is?”

“No,” Frank says quickly. “No, of course not.”

He’s lying. It’s the first time he’s ever lied to her. Karen’s mouth drops open. She stares at him, waiting for him to crack a smile or announce that he’s messing with her, but he just stares out the window and clenches his jaw. When she realizes he’s not planning on explaining, she takes two large gulps of wine and sets down her glass.

“Really? Because it kind of seems like I hit the nail on the head there.”

He’s already shaking his head emphatically. “No, Karen, Christ, I just, I--I wanted to see you, that’s all--”

This could go so many different ways, she’s not sure which option to explore first. She could let him off the hook and feign ignorance, maybe talk for another hour and then send him on his way. Or she could demand he tell her what he wants. Or she could mercilessly tease him--who can say they’re able to tease The Punisher and get away with it? And anyways, he’s gotten her into plenty of life-threatening situations (even if he usually saves her from them later) so joking around to get back at him is too good to pass up.

“Is there something off putting about me, then?” She raises a brow, having only a hair too much fun. “Because now you’re being a little too defensive for my tastes.”

“Oh Jesus, Karen--”

She shrugs. “I’m just saying, we’re both single and know each other and if that’s what this is, then you just have to say it--”

He’s starting to look panicked. “No it’s--”

“Come on, Frank, just admit it. You came here for a booty call--”

“Hey, no--”

“Because you’re drunk and have some excess energy--”

“It’s not because I’m drunk.”

The game is over. Frank is looking at her with a particularly focused expression that steals the air from her lungs. He leans forward, in her space, stopping just short of her lips. “If you think,” he rasps, and now it’s Karen’s turn to flush at his proximity, “for a second that I would come here just to sleep with you like it’s not something I’ve thought about constantly for two years, like I would just ruin this for one night--along with you and your fucking stubbornness and your smile and how you look in those fucking--...skirts--...” he takes a deep breath in, closes his eyes briefly, and then snaps them open to give her a loaded look, “--then you’re fuckin’ crazy, Karen.”

And then he sits back, and looks away.

She’s sure she looks like a complete idiot, but Karen can’t wipe the shock off her face. After a few moments where it feels like her heart literally stops beating, it reanimates with a pounding she can feel between her legs. Her throat is suddenly too dry, and she swallows hard. Her mind races to get them back on solid footing, but her mouth has other ideas. “So you’ve thought about us having sex?” is the first astonished thing to escape her lips.

“No,” Frank sighs patiently, but like she’s deliberately being obtuse. It’s such a funny, cute little sound that she’s never heard from him before, and it’s doing nothing for the desire that’s coursing through her. “I think about us in every way. Having sex, sure. But watchin’ tv together. Gettin’ a dog. Goin’ grocery shopping. Shit, just gettin’ up and having coffee in the morning. Just...I just think about us.”

It’s such a momentous confession that Karen feels inadequate to handle. Ever since she pleaded with him in the hospital, begging for him to leave the fight behind for her, she has filed away her feelings. After such a staunch dismissal of her feelings, she was sure he wasn’t interested in her other than as an informant and maybe, just sometimes, a friend. Now with his (albeit drunk)  confession, she knows otherwise. She still doesn’t know what self-sacrificing, self-deprecating bullshit caused him to turn her down before, but that’s a discussion for another time. Right now, she wants to drag him towards her and kiss him senseless. She wants to smack him for waiting so long to say something. She wants to cry with relief. She wants to make him feel validated and loved. She wants to prove to the world that Frank Castle is a good man who has been dealt a shitty hand, even if she has to scream it from theEmpire State Building. “Frank,” she chokes out, “you should have said.”

He tenses, looking at her wearily. “Am I too late?”

She doesn’t answer with words. She’s too busy closing the gap between him and burying her face in his neck. He smells familiar, like sandalwood and vanilla, reminding her of a different day in her apartment. She’d hugged him for much longer than appropriate and he hadn’t pulled away. She thought maybe it had been a sorry and thank you all at once. And then he’d left again, and it had nearly broken her in two. “Never,” she vows into his skin, painting a promise with her lips.

She hears his ragged exhale, and then he’s drawing her up towards him. His kiss is soft, just a brush of lips against hers before he presses another to her cheek, her forehead, her chin. When he returns once more to capture her lips, Karen lets her hands wander the wide expanse of his chest, lets herself revel in the firmness of his body against her. Touching him like this is such a foreign feeling, but like she’s finally found the missing piece to a long started puzzle. His hands are just as eager, running along her spine and then resting on her hips before his strong fingers sink into her hair, the others pressing firmly on her lower back so that he can grind up against her. Karen gasps and Frank takes advantage of her parted lips, deepening the kiss, his tongue curling against her teeth. As Karen loses herself in the feeling of his heat and hands and kisses, she daydreams about what could happen next. She could slide off his lap to kneel between his legs. She could take the very strong evidence of his arousal and pepper it with kisses until he begs her to take him in her mouth. She could get him just close enough, and then crawl up the hard line of his body to take him in every way possible. She could make him believe that he’s been worth waiting for.

Instead, she pushed lightly on his chest until he pulls away with what she can only call a pout. He looks the definition of dishevelled with his soft curls askew and pupils blown wide. Her chest heaves, and she bites back a small noise of disappointment when his hips cease their wonderful friction against hers. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re drunk,” she reminds him unsteadily.  

Frank lets his head fall back against the couch. His hands tighten on her waist briefly, reminding her of their precarious position--as if she could forget. She hasn’t been so turned on in eons. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “I know.”

“We should stop.”

His head lifts, eyes meeting hers, hopeful. “For now?”

Karen smiles, allowing one more brief kiss. It takes every bit of self-control in her to keep it chaste. “Until you’re sober. Then we’ll talk. But we can check one thing off your list, if you like.”

His mind struggles to switch gears. “Which one?”

Karen kisses his nose before clamoring off the couch (and his lap) on wobbly legs. “I’m going to preset the coffee machine for the morning. Now, which side of the bed do you sleep on?”

When he gives her a tentative, wonderful, bashful smile, Karen has to force herself to walk into the kitchen. Frank Castle has never been so dangerous as he is now, she thinks, sitting on that couch with mussed hair and swollen lips. Every instinct begs for her to return to his lap and continue what they started, but she measures the coffee out and stays strong. They can finish tomorrow, but they have things to talk about.

Over coffee. She smiles and sets the timer.

[something-tofightfor]

Seasons to Cycles / 3

Pairing: Logan Delos x Reader

Word Count:  13,467

Rating: M (Mentions of drug use, sex with multiple partners, language, what happened to Logan in the park)

Summary:  After spending time at Juliet’s, is there any reason for you and Logan to see each other again - especially with Ariella coming in for a few days? The answer is yes... and the situation is a lot more interesting than it may seem. 

Another invitation to Juliet’s reveals a lot more truth about Logan, about his past ... and about his future. 

Author’s Note: Nothing really to say here, except that writing Ariella makes me feel physically ill. I probably made her a lot more terrible than I needed to ... but oh well.  The next one is where things really pick up. Thank you all for your feedback so far! 

When Logan called the following Thursday, it surprised you, though not as much as it should have. You’d texted back and forth throughout the week; nothing serious, just saying hello and catching up, but like with other aspects of your friendship with Logan, the replies were coming much easier than they had been.

 You’d looked the two of them up after spending the day with him at Juliet’s - finding out more about his relationship with Ariella, as well as more about the woman herself, and while she’d had a few high profile relationships before Logan, it seemed that their engagement had come out of nowhere. In between the text messages about your jobs, Juliet, and a TV show that you discovered both of you watched, you wanted to ask him about the woman, but at the same time, you didn’t. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to, you reminded yourself as you gathered your laundry from the dryer, phone pressed to your ear. Because I think he’ll tell you. “This might sound strange,” Logan said, without much of a greeting. “But I was wonderin’ if you wanted to come over on Sunday and watch the season finale of -” 

 He continued, but you could barely hear him over the sound of the alarm bells going off in your head. This is bad. But when you realized he’d finished speaking, you hummed, closing your eyes. “Is that a… Logan, is that a good idea?” You didn’t want to assume anything about his intention behind the invitation, but it still made you feel uncomfortable. “We’d know why I was there, but if anyone …” 

 “Who’s gonna find out? There are hundreds of people that live in this building, you could be visiting any of them.” He paused. “I’m not trying to make you … I just thought …” 

 “This would be three weekends in a row, Logan. I don’t know how I feel about the fact that I’ve already seen you more than your fiancée has in the last …” But you trailed off, putting down your laundry basket and grabbing for your phone. “Isn’t she supposed to be here this weekend? Why -” 

 “She is. She’ll be in tomorrow and then fly out on Saturday night to go to her meeting. I’m leaving Monday for the Mesa, and I just thought …” What did you think, Logan? “You can invite Jess if you want, I …” I could. 

 “She doesn’t watch. Can’t get into it, so that won’t…” You began folding towels, holding the phone between your cheek and shoulder. “Logan, why are you … I’m sure you have a ton of friends, so why …” Why are you questioning this? 

 “You get along with my sister.” He said it simply, but you understood the weight of the words. “And like I said, I lost a lot of my friends when I changed my lifestyle, so it’s nice to …” 

 “Do you consider us friends, then?” It was blunt, but you needed to ask. “I mean we haven’t really known each other for long, so it might be too soon to …” 

 “I do.” There was no hesitation. “And I know that it’s probably hard for you to believe, especially since we just met, but I like you, and I like that you aren’t intimidated by my history.” I don’t know a lot of it, Logan, but I … “So I’m inviting you over, and you can say no if you want, but I just thought I’d ask.” Pulling your phone away from your ear, you pressed the button for speakerphone, setting it onto the table. “I’m gonna take your silence as -”

 “I’ll come over, Logan. Just give me your address, and I’ll be there.” He let out a breath, asking if you were sure. “Yep.” Stacking the towels together, you smiled, even though you were angry at yourself. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment. “Besides, I’m pretty sure the neighbors will appreciate the fact that I’m not yelling out loud in my apartment for an hour and a half.” 

 --- 

 “So you’re going out to the Mesa Monday morning?” She was laying on his bed on her stomach, legs bent at the knee and joined at the ankle. “Clients?” 

 “Yeah.” I told you that three times. “Gonna be there about a week, give or take.” He looked over his shoulder, watching as Ariella propped her chin up on one hand, her eyes on him. “How long will you be in San Fran for?” 

 “Not even 24 hours, Logan. If I wasn’t seeing you, I would have just flown there, but instead …” She waved her free hand in the air. “Here I am.” You could act a little happier about it. “And then I’ll be back home. Nathan’s birthday is next week, so we’re going to Amsterdam for a few days, and than I’ll…” He tuned her out, eyes roving over her face and then moving back, taking in the sight of her against his sheets, stretched out on his bed. Another trip. Another … another story we’re going to have to buy to keep it quiet, another … 

 “Ari?” He shifted toward her, reaching out with one hand to touch her left, his thumb rubbing against the ring on her finger. “I can come see you in London on my way home from the Mesa, stop by for a couple days. Maybe we can meet with some of the -” She laughed, tossing her head to one side. “What’s so funny?” 

 “That’s why we have a wedding planner, Logan. So we don’t have to deal with it.” But I want to … 

 “Don’t you want to be part of the planning, Ari? Even a little? I know you picked out a dress, but -” 

 “Actually, about that.” She sat up, straightening her shirt., her hands smoothing it down her sides. “There are a couple of designers that are asking if they can make my dress, and I’m meeting with my publicist to figure out what the best option is, exposure-wise.” Is that all this … don’t you … “You could probably do the same with your suit … tux, whatever you choose. Maybe even the rings, too” 

 “Well, won’t we have to -” She rolled her eyes. 

 “You know as well as I do, Logan, that this wedding is going to be the only thing people talk about for months. It’s going to be good for us and for Delos, so we might as well get as much out of it as we can, don’t you think?” She was twisting a strand of hair around her finger, and Logan fought back a wince. “Call the planner again, figure out what they think will look best, and then have them give you options. It’s simple.” She was looking around, her lips pressed together. “And are you going to look for a house? I don’t want to live in an apartment in the middle of …” Logan gritted his teeth, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair. 

 “I thought that since we’d be living there together, a house would be something that we could …” She stared at him, deadpan, and Logan cut himself off. “... find together, but I guess I can find a realtor when it gets closer. Maybe I’ll use Juliet’s, she found her -” 

 “No suburbs, Logan. If I’m leaving London and coming here, I want to live by the beach. Or at least somewhere I can see it.” That’s the most reasonable thing you’ve said all day. She said his name again, and Logan’s attention went back to the woman, who was climbing out of the bed and walking toward the bathroom door. “I’m going to shower, since I have to be at the airport in just under two hours.” He nodded, and she gestured to the open door. “Are you gonna -” 

 He forced a smile. “Nah. Wouldn’t wanna make you late.” The woman actually laughed, her eyes lighting up. “Go. Your stuff’s still in there from last time, so you won’t have to get on the plane smelling like …”

 “You always smell good, Logan.” She wrinkled her nose. “That wouldn’t be a bad thing.” As she disappeared into the room and closed the door behind her, Logan lowered himself onto the bed, rubbing his hands over his face. This just gets more and more exhausting. But maybe … He pushed himself to his feet, making his way out into the living room and sitting on the arm of his couch, eyes on the city stretched out in front of him. The sun was just beginning drop behind the buildings to the right of his balcony, and Logan chewed on his lip as he stared through the glass, thinking. 

 Ariella’s visit had been no different than the last time she’d been in LA, though much shorter. He’d picked her up from the airport in one of the Delos cars, waiting by the gate, and even though he thought that there had been a few paparazzi, there’d been no pictures of the two of them popping up. But they know she’s here, she posted a picture from the plane, and … He rubbed the back of his neck, thinking. And we went out for dinner last night, so…  

 Logan liked the press at times, understanding the need to bolster the Delos image with being seen publicly, giving the photographers what they wanted every now and then. Especially after what happened a couple years back, and with Juliet’s divorce. We both kinda fucked that up, didn’t we, Dad? 

 Between Juliet’s public divorce, and Logan’s very public downward spiral, there’d been a fair amount of rebuilding for the Delos brand, starting with Logan’s trips to rehab and continuing with the introduction of the everyday tech line and his engagement. Ask which of the latter two I’m prouder of. Looking down and then back up and out the window, Logan sighed. It’s not that I don’t care about her, because I do, but … “Logan?” He looked back over his shoulder, seeing his fiancée standing in the doorway wearing a simple blue dress, her wet hair braided and hanging over one shoulder. “I’m gonna keep this here, alright?” She was holding a small tin in one hand, a lopsided smile on her face. “Not trying to take it on a commercial flight, and since I don’t have access to the Delos jet yet…” She shrugged, moving the tin back and forth. “That would be a story.” 

 Warily, he stood and walked toward the woman, head tilted to the side. What is it this time? “Ari, what -” But when he put his hand against her shoulder, the other one curving around the back of her head to tilt it up and look into her eyes, disappointment hit him like a freight train. “You gotta slow down with that shit, you know that.” He leaned down, lips finding her forehead, the skin hot beneath them. “Why’d you -” 

 She leaned into his touch, sniffling twice before she answered. “The shit’s better here than at home, and I…” She sighed, her lips against his throat. “You know that, Logan, you used to bring it -” Her heart was racing beneath his palm, but Logan stiffened, pulling away. 

 “Used to. Not anymore.” The woman opened her eyes wide, straightening up and staring at him. “You know I -” She ran her tongue along her lower lip, pupils dilated, and though eighteen months prior, the action would have caused Logan to grip her by the arms, pushing her back into the bedroom and opening the small tin for himself before he took her to bed, he wanted  to do none of those things. “I don’t do that shit anymore, don’t want it in my…” But the woman rose up on her toes, lips finding Logan’s and lingering. 

 “You know the deal, Logan. It stops when we get married. All of it. But until then?” She kissed his cheek, mouth moving slowly over his skin, and Logan closed his eyes, the hand at the base of her skull tightening, his fingers sliding down her bare arm toward her elbow. “Until then, I’m gonna keep doing what I’m doing. That’s what we agreed, right?” We did. It’s all there in the… He felt her teeth close around his earlobe, and Logan’s eyes closed, fingers of both hands flexing as his body reacted to the feeling. “Besides, you wouldn’t get in the shower with me, so I … improvised.” 

 “Ari.” He sighed her name out, pushing her away gently. “Look at me.” She did, head tilted up slightly, and Logan let go of her hand, reaching up to brush his thumb beneath her nose, removing a tiny spot of white from her pale skin. “Just because I know that doesn’t mean I wanna…” He drew his lower lip into his mouth, watching as the woman’s eyes followed the movement. “I don’t want to see you like this right before you go, especially since I don’t know when we’ll see each other again.” It’s the truth. “You never answered me, do you want me to stop in London when I -” 

 “Nah.” She gave him a lopsided smile and pulled out of his arms, shrugging her shoulders. “I’ll see you when I come back in for your dad’s party, that’ll… that’ll be good.” Will it? That’s another month. “I’m gonna put this in this drawer.” She stepped over to the kitchen, pulling one of the smaller drawers open and sliding the tin in. “I’ll get it when I come back, unless you …” She glanced up. “Unless you decide to use it before then.” No. I won’t. I’ll move that to the safe after she’s gone. She walked back toward him, her bare feet padding over the wooden floor and reached up, her hand cupping his cheek. “When I come back, Logan? We can meet with anyone you want. A caterer? Florist? Venues?” Really? “I know I should care more, but I’ve never really… thought about my wedding, Logan, and it’s just … overwhelming.” I didn’t either, I didn’t even have a steady relationship until… 

 Though he kept his expression impassive, Logan realized that he’d never been in a steady relationship. Yeah, we’re engaged, but … “I’ll look into it, Ari. I’ll let you know.” He reached up, covering her hand with his and squeezing. “Let me call you a car. You may not be usin’ the jet, but I can have one of the Delos drivers here in ten.” She agreed and he stepped away, pulling his phone out of his pocket and tilting it. As the screen lit, he was surprised to see a message from you, reminding him that you needed his address. Shit, I forgot to send it to her. I’ll do that… Swiping his finger in the same pattern as before, he opened the app to order the ride, typing in Ariella’s name as the passenger, which auto-selected her preferences. This shit is convenient, at least. “All done. It’ll be here in eight minutes.” 

 “Thanks.” The woman lifted both hands over her head, stretching as she walked back toward the bedroom. “I’ll get my bag, and then …” Her voice trailed off as Logan replaced his phone in his pocket, following her. Stepping back into the main room a few seconds later, a small suitcase trailing behind her, Ariella paused, one hand on the marble countertop. “Why haven’t you asked me about last weekend, Logan?” He heard a quiet clicking as she tapped her fingers against the surface. “I got the alert from my publicist that the story was axed, but…” Here we go. He was familiar with the mood swings, the changes in Ariella’s behavior, but what was new was the fact that she was trying to pick a fight with him immediately before leaving. It’s giving her ammunition. Giving her an excuse to… 

 “Because I don’t want to know.” His words honest, Logan looked straight into the woman’s eyes. “That’s three, Ari. Three times we’ve had to … catch things before they go too far. The deal was -”

 “I know the deal, Logan.” She snapped at him, all traces of affection that had been present only minutes before gone. “Just like you do. It’s not my fault I get followed more than you do, that people want to -” He laughed, reaching up with one hand to scratch one side of his face, nodding. So we’re going to go there? Alright. 

 “No, but it is your fault that you’re getting sloppier, so that’s on you.” The anger he felt was real; bubbling over after months of reflection, and Logan reminded himself to take a deep breath, reining it in. “But that’s what the lawyers are for, right? Keeping shit like that away from the press?” She shook her head at him, and just as Logan was about to speak again, his phone pinged, letting him know that the car was only a few minutes away. “There’s your ride.” He gestured to the door. “Good luck with your meeting, Ariella.” The woman looked as if she wanted to speak but didn’t, instead walking past Logan and to the door. “And have fun with Nathan next week. Hopefully in Amsterdam, you won’t be followed as much as you are in London, so you -” 

 “Oh, fuck you, Logan. You act like you’re a goddamn saint.” She snarled the words, turning back to him and flexing her fingers around the suitcase’s handle, the diamond on her finger glinting in the overhead lighting. “Remember when we met? You were worse than me, and I didn’t judge you for it. Now you’re acting like… Jesus, live a little, Logan. Otherwise, the next thr-” She cut herself off, shaking her head back and forth. “We both knew what this was, Logan, so I don’t know why you’re giving me so much shit right now. Make the most of it - I sure am.” 

 “Yeah, I fucking know you are.” But he didn’t raise his voice, just watched the woman with a half smile on his face. “Have a safe flight, Ari. I’ll see you in a few weeks.” She didn’t say anything else, instead turning and pulling the door open after walking the final few feet toward it, Logan standing in the middle of his living room. It shut behind her, and though she didn’t slam it, Logan closed his eyes at the sound. This was so much easier when I was … His eyes opened and went to the kitchen, staring in the direction of the drawer she’d used. So much easier. So much less… But he looked away, taking a deep breath and stepping toward the balcony, sliding the door open and walking out onto it. 

 Logan’s fingers closed around the railing, gripping the metal as he leaned forward. He was only 17 stories up, but the view calmed him, his anger subsiding the longer he stood in place. She isn’t wrong. I did know. I do know. But as Logan dropped into one of the chairs, one hand covering his face, it didn’t make him feel any better. That could have gone much differently.  He rubbed at the bridge of his nose, thinking. I wasn’t even going to mention Nathan or last weekend, or … she knew that we had to pay them off, knew what they got pictures of, knew what … and she still… “Fuck.” He swore again, slamming one hand on the table before he lifted his head, looking down Grand Avenue toward the Convention Center. He felt his phone vibrate, and for one long second, he thought that it might have been Ariella, calling to apologize, but when he pulled the device from his pocket, it was another message from you, complete with an apology for bothering him.

 I know you’re busy, and I hate bothering you when Ariella’s there, but I thought I’d try again before it got too late. If you still want me to come tomorrow, I need your address. If not, I’m going to call my friend Kira and see if she wants to watch together. If you have to cancel, Logan, it’s no big deal, just let me know. 

 As he swiped up, he saw that your first message had been sent hours earlier, and Logan groaned. She was there when I ignored Ari’s call, so she probably thinks I’m… Logan scrubbed a hand over his face, swearing for a third time and then pushed the button to call you instead of just messaging back. She won’t answer. But you did, on the third ring, greeting him by name. “Sorry it took me so long, Ariella just left to get on her flight, and I just saw your first message.” 

 “Don’t apologize. I figured it was something like that, and I didn’t want … I shouldn’t have sent two messages, that looks …” No, it doesn’t. 

 “If you come over early tomorrow, we can get somethin’ to eat before.” He cut you off, resting his elbow on the table, fingers curled and tucked beneath his chin. “How’s that sound?” He heard you take a breath. Why does she second guess everything I say? 

 “I guess we’ve gotta eat, Logan.” He released the breath that he’d taken, smiling. “I’m not too picky, so whatever you want to order works for me.” 

 “We’ll just order when you get here, it’s fine.” Logan sat straight up, then leaned back in his chair. “That’s onea the nice things about living here - plenty of options.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “What time you wanna stop by? Show starts at 9.” 

 “I can get there at 8:30?” Logan laughed out loud, and you did too, but yours was nervous. “What’s so funny?” 

 “What’s the point, then? We won’t even have time to order or eat, and then…” He realized that he wanted to spend longer than that with you, and Logan stopped speaking, eyes going wide. Oh, that… “I mean, if you have something to do and can’t get here til then, that’s fine, but…” Your end of the line went quiet, and Logan was afraid that the connection had been broken when you finally spoke again. 

 “What time do you want me there, Logan? I have no plans, except going grocery shopping, and…” You sighed. “I have work Monday, and you have a flight, so…” 

 “Any time after 5 is fine.” That gave you a larger window, and Logan figured you wouldn’t get to his place until at least 6, but the earlier time appealed to him. Especially since after that I’ll be … gone for a week, at least. “Just let me know tomorrow, alright? I’ll let you go now, but I wanted to call you instead of texting, because I…” Why’d you call, Delos? “It was easier, and that way I didn’t have to wait for an answer.” And because I wanted to. The sound you made convinced Logan that you’d rolled your eyes, but when you spoke, you sounded happy. 

 “Why don’t… why don’t I shoot for 5:30? What’s the address? Where do I park? Is there a garage, or -” Shit, I didn’t even think of… 

 “I get two spaces in my name, plus a couple guest spots, so when you pull in, turn in off of Olympic, and give my name at the gate. I’ll let ‘em know you’re coming, so they’ll tell you where to go.” You repeated the information, and he was almost positive that you were writing it down. “I’m on the 17th floor, in 1703, so just take the elevator up, or I can come meet you in the lobby.” 

 “Elevator’s fine, Logan. I think I can manage.” He agreed, standing and walking back into his condo, eyes moving around the room. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” He agreed, saying your name and telling you to have a good night. “Oh, I’ll try. I’m about to run out and grab dinner, and then I’m going to watch a movie, so… thrilling Saturday over here.” It’s better than mine. 

 “What’s for dinner?” He couldn’t help asking, even as he stood in front of his own refrigerator, hand on the door. “That way I won’t pick the same thing for tomorrow.” 

 “There’s this place that’s right around the corner that’s a tiki bar. I can walk there, it’s so close, and it’s a hole in the wall, but they have like fifteen different types of tropical drinks.” 

 “That’s not food.” He grinned, imagining you with a frozen drink in your hand, twisting the tiny umbrella between your fingers. “And you’re drinkin’ alone in a bar?” You laughed again at that, and Logan was happy to hear that there was no hesitation or apprehension to the sound. 

 “No, I usually meet friends there. But tonight, I’m going by myself. And I know it’s not food, Logan, but they don’t have a kitchen, they just have different food trucks park on the side street.” You cleared your throat. “So, I’m going, and I’m gonna order a giant Mai-Tai to go, hope the taco truck is there tonight, and bring it all home to eat alone while I watch my movie.” That sounds great. He held back from saying it, though, just agreeing with you. “So I’ll see you tomorrow, Logan?”. 

 “Yeah. I’m gonna go pack, that way I don’t have to do before you get here, or after you leave.” Even though it won’t take me long, since I only need a few outfits. He said goodbye and then hung up, still standing in front of the refrigerator. Tacos actually sound really… “C’mon, Delos.” He rubbed at his beard, shaking his head. “You …” But the more Logan thought about it, the more he realized that after hearing you talk about tacos, nothing else would cut it.

 --- 

 When you parked in his garage the next night, you spent a few minutes looking around at the cars that were parked around you. Mine’s the least expensive one in here, by… You sighed. By far. Though Logan never made you feel as though you didn’t belong anywhere near him, the surroundings often did; the expensive hotel, Juliet’s multimillion-dollar home, Logan’s high rise, the talk of the parks and his traveling … it was all new to you, and much more extravagant than you were accustomed to. But there’s a first time for everything, right? Exiting the car, you saw Logan’s parked in the space next to yours, meaning that you weren’t in a guest spot - you were in one of his. I figured he’d have two cars parked here, but I guess… 

 You texted him as you locked your door, heading for the elevator, and even though he didn’t reply, you saw that he’d opened the message. Alright. It rose quickly, and when you stepped onto his floor, you took a deep breath, straightening your shoulders. It’s just a TV show. We’re just … But you knocked, taking a half step back, and waited for Logan to open the door. He did after only a few seconds, and you were happy to see that yet again, Logan was dressed casually, in a pair of black joggers and a white t-shirt, hair loose around his face. “Hey!” He grinned, gesturing for you to come in. “You’re early.” 

 “Not by much!” You walked into his apartment, glancing around. “It’s 5:30, Logan, I -” But he was laughing, following you down the short hallway and into the living room. “It’s so open. This place is…” Your hand trailed over the countertop, head turned toward the longer hallway. “Wow. That view.” He followed you silently, letting you look around, but when you turned back to face him, he had a smile on his face, eyes sparkling. “It’s gorgeous, Logan.” 

 “Is it?” He looked down and then back at you, tongue wetting his lips. “I guess I forget what it’s like to see this place for the first time, I’ve lived here for …” Furrowing his brow, he thought. “Four years?” His dark furniture was a stark contrast to the white walls and gleaming fixtures, large pieces of artwork adorning the walls, along with a massive TV  mounted to the largest one, directly across from the oversized couch. It’s not stuffy. It looks … it looks comfortable, not just … formal. “Wanna see the rest of it?” 

 “Sure.” Without hesitation, you agreed, Logan motioning for you to follow him down the hallway where he pointed out the first bedroom, which was being used as an office, and the bathroom before leading you into the master bedroom, where he’d opened the drapes all the way. Without speaking, you walked past a large painting hanging on the wall and over to the glass, raising one hand to touch it with your fingertips. “Damn, this would … not be a good choice for someone that’s afraid of heights.” You looked over your shoulder, seeing that he was just a few feet behind you, watching you. “There’s so much glass, Logan, it’s…” You searched for the right word. “Stunning.” 

 “Yeah?” You nodded. You sound like an idiot. “Thank you.” Logan raised one eyebrow. “You should see my closet.” A few seconds later, you were standing inside of it with him, one hand covering your face as you laughed. 

 “When did we leave your condo and step into a…” You opened your eyes, using two fingers to flip through some of the hangers. “Tom Ford? Burberry? Givenchy?” This rack costs more than my… “Was there a portal or something I missed? Did we -” 

 “You think you’re so amusing, hmm?” He stepped closer, reaching past you to straighten one of the jackets. “I run a company, remember? I have to look professional.” As he drew his hand back, it glanced off of your arm, causing you to freeze in place. “If you turn around, you’ll see the…” You did as he spoke, and laughed again. 

 “And we’re back.” Even he laughed at that, watching as you shook your head while you looked at the opposite side of the closet, filled with less formal clothing - jeans and button downs, a few jackets and hoodies. “I really shouldn’t joke, though.” You looked over at Logan, who was leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. “You wear the hell out of a suit, Logan.” He seemed surprised at your candor, but you were just being honest. “And having options is never a bad thing.” Whatever he’d planned on saying, he abandoned it, instead leaning forward and staring into your eyes. 

 “Yeah, but have you seen me in a tux?” Snorting, you ignored the question and walked past him and back into the room. I have. I’ve looked at too many pictures of you in all kinds of … “Bathroom’s just through there, I think you’ll like that, too.” He was right, and as you stepped through that doorway, you stopped in your tracks, eyes straight ahead. Oh, that shower, it’s… I bet the water pressure is… and it’s huge, two people could easily… 

 “Wow.” You knew that he could see your expression in the mirror’s reflection and so you turned toward it, frowning slightly. “I don’t mean to be so …” He stood next to you, hands on the counter��s edge, and waited. “I don’t know what I was expecting Logan, but this …” 

 “Why are you apologizing?” He was frowning too, and despite the fact that you wanted to continue staring into the glass, you turned your head, facing him head on. 

 “Because it’s just an apartment, Logan. It shouldn’t … I told myself I wasn’t going to …” 

 “Can I tell you something?” He reached out, laying his hand over yours for a second before pulling it back. Sure, I … “Seeing you react to this place? Your genuine reaction to it?” He laughed quietly. “It’s better than all the people that are used to it, and don’t even… don’t even bat an eye.” It’s not, stop. “And it’s much better than the people that used to come here and not even see it.” You watched as his eyes wandered back toward the bedroom before coming back to you. “So thank you, for bein’ honest about it.” You stared at him for a few seconds, and then decided to lighten the mood. We need it, this is too… 

 “You know what else I’m going to be honest about, Logan? You bit down on the corner of your lip. “I’m really hungry.” His lips parted and then he laughed again, straightening up and reaching out to you, tugging on your elbow. He didn’t even think about that, he just … But you didn’t think twice before you followed him, either. --- 

 After looking over the menu, you’d given him the go-ahead to surprise you, and when the delivery was made, the two of you took the food out onto his balcony, talking over your meal. Within an hour and a half, the two of you had eaten most of the food that had been delivered from Katsuya, and you were more than content. He ordered almost the whole damn menu, I think. But it was … “This the first time you’ve had -” You nodded, watching Logan’s surprise. “Damn, this is a whole night of firsts for you.” 

 “Actually.” You took a long drink out of your glass, the ice water deliciously cool in the slightly humid air. “Since I met you, Logan? It’s been a lot of firsts.” He leaned forward, elbows on the table and watched you. 

 “Like what?” I shouldn’t have said anything. “Oh, come on, you can’t just say that and then …” 

 “Well.” You reached forward, picking up one more piece of edamame and putting it into your mouth. “First time having to remind someone that ice cream is frozen and does actually melt if left out.” He wrinkled his nose, the lines deeper than usual. “First time embarrassing myself by trying to play the piano next to someone that -”

 “Hey, you were really good for someone that hasn’t played in a while.” Ok, but still. 

 “Eh. Sure.” You eyed him, waiting a second. Do I keep this …  “First time meeting someone’s sister based on the fact that I didn’t try to break up an engagement and sleep with you after knowing you for five minutes and having some drinks.” He actually laughed at that, mouthing the word ‘wow’. “What? It’s true.” 

 “It is.” It was his turn to take a drink, though he didn’t take his eyes off of you. “Keep goin’.” 

 “We’re already to tonight, Logan. This is only the third time we’ve actually… well, fourth if you count Whole Foods, but …” You shrugged, leaning back in your chair. “How many more firsts…” But you stopped, pressing your lips together as you realized what a dangerously loaded question that could be. Oh, no. He stayed quiet for a few seconds and then reached up, pulling his hair back from his face with one hand and using his tongue to lick at the corner of his mouth. I’ve never seen that look on his face before, he’s never done … 

 “Plentya firsts, actually.” Logan’s voice was low, but there was no hesitation. “But not ones … not ones that -”

 “Stop, Logan.” Suddenly feeling panic, you shook your head back and forth, eyes widening. “Don’t.” You can’t, because I can’t, because if I think about any of that, I … 

 “There’s somethin’ you need to know about me.” He said your name, and though your heart was still beating rapidly, you managed to look back at him, hoping that your eyes weren’t wild. “The most important thing about me, actually.” What? “I never lie. Ever. I told you that when we got to Juliet’s, but …  I can bend the truth, sure, and I do it, because I need to sometimes, for work. But outright lie? I refuse to.” He was still eyeing you, but you didn’t hear any indication that his words were forced. He said the same thing in the car. “And you can’t believe me, I know that, because anyone can say that they don’t…” He looked frustrated. 

 “Why are you telling me this, Logan?” You were still leaning back in your chair, arms protectively crossed over your chest. “What -” What does his honesty mean to me? It’s not … 

 “I don’t know. It’s not good business, I can say that for sure.” You had to chuckle at that, but cut it off quickly. “Call it a tell, call it a fault, call it whatever the fuck you want, but if we’re gonna keep seein’ each other like this, getting to know each other? You need to know that every single thing that I tell you is the truth, because…” His eyes clouded over for a few seconds, but then he blinked, refocusing on you. “Because it is.” 

 “Logan, what…” You took a deep breath. “I don’t understand where this is …” 

 “I like you.” He said it simply. “I like seeing you and talking to you.” You watched as his expression changed, the man sitting up straight. “You asked if I thought we were friends, and I said yes, and it was the truth.” Ok, but I already knew this, and I agree. 

 “And I like you, Logan, but that doesn’t …” Confused, you sat up too. “Why are you telling me this? What are you -” 

 “There’s so much you don’t… so much that …” He laughed quietly, looking down. “So much I wish I could tell you.” What the hell does that mean? “Forget it for now, alright? I shouldn’t have said anything, but you … you walked into it, with the whole “firsts” thing.” Though you wanted to know what he was talking about, you were content to let it go for the time being. He’s leaving for a week, and maybe he’ll have time to… and I don’t have to think about whatever this is, or what he… “I just want you to know that whatever happens, everything I say to you is the truth.” Logan stood, beginning to clear the table, throwing napkins and empty dishes into the delivery bag. “I know I gotta earn that trust from you, but maybe … maybe you hearin’ it will be …” This is strange, something … 

 You stood too, helping him, and within only a few minutes, you were both back in his kitchen, Logan sorting through the trash and you washing dishes. Say something. “So this truth thing.” You glanced over, watching as he stopped moving, meeting your eyes. “Has it been your whole life, or just since…” You made a face, realizing that you were walking into delicate territory. “Just since you got clean?” 

 “Both.” He answered immediately. “More now, because there’s nothin’ altering my thoughts, but … it’s been since I was a kid. Juliet used to know that she couldn’t get away with anything, because my mom would always …” His eyes filled with warmth. “I definitely didn’t get it from my dad, but honesty - and integrity - have always been really important, especially when it comes to Delos.” I get that. “And even with the people I’ve been with? Never lied to them, either. Never promised ‘em anything, or led ‘em on. When it was just sex, it was just sex. When it was just me not wantin’ to be alone? They knew it.” 

 As you stood in the middle of Logan’s brightly lit kitchen, listening to and watching him speak, you had to wonder if his truth with you was at the same level it was with everyone else. But this is so new, he has no reason to… “I appreciate that, Logan. It’s much easier when you know where you stand with someone. I’d rather have someone tell me in the beginning that they’re just trying to get laid instead of letting me get attached and then …” You lifted one shoulder, watching as his eyes moved with the action. “Leaving, or… letting me down.” 

 “Fuck ‘em.” He stepped closer, reaching behind you to turn off the water. “They do that shit, they don’t deserve you.” You don’t even know me. How can you … “D’you want a drink? We’ve got about twenty minutes, so we should…” He gestured to the living room. “Get comfortable.” That was an abrupt change. But it was … “Go ahead and get whatever out of the fridge, I’m gonna close the blinds and…” But you reached out, shaking your head as you touched his arm. “What?”

 “No, don’t.” Looking past Logan, you stared out the window. “I live on the ground floor, Logan, the view is …” I could get used to it. 

 “Alright.” He cleared his throat. “But if there’s a glare on the TV?” He leaned closer, head angled. “I told you so.” 

 --- 

 Even though the two of you were settled on the same couch, there was space between you. It’s better this way. He was trying to pay attention to the show - which truly was one of his favorites - but it was difficult. And this is a great episode, so… But Logan’s mind wandered, his eyes with it, and he found himself watching you more than he watched the TV. And that’s hard to do, it’s a goddamn 82 inch screen. You’d asked him for a blanket before the show started, explaining to him that you needed to have something to do with your hands when things got tense, and he’d obliged, pulling one of the extra ones off of the shelf of the front closet and passing it to you. 

 It hadn’t taken long for you to wrap it around your shoulders, covering up the exposed skin of your arms as you gathered it in front of your face, fingers gripping the material tightly. He found it incredibly endearing, the way you were engrossed in the show - commenting occasionally, turning your head to look at him when something shocked you, one hand shooting out from beneath the material to grip his arm at one particularly tense point. This is the most at ease I’ve seen her, and she’s more tense than … He grinned at the thought, eyes leaving you and going back to the TV. “Oh, shit!” He swore as one of the main characters began fighting another, Logan leaning forward, hands on his thighs. “Oh, that’s not…” 

 “I know!” You agreed with him, and he saw you moving out of the corner of his eye, shifting on the couch to lean forward too, shoulders hunched. “He shouldn’t -” But both of you groaned as the man tripped, flying forward and into the weapon the other was holding, a spray of blood erupting from the wound. “Fuck!” As the scene faded to black and then cut to a commercial, you yelped and looked at Logan, a pained smile on your face. “Sorry, I’m -” 

 “Don’t apologize!” He laughed, head moving back and forth. “If you could feel my heartbeat right now, it’s racing.” You moved before you thought it through, he could see it in your eyes after the fact, but only a second later, your palm was pressed against Logan’s chest, touch firm. “See?” He stared at you in the low light, watching as your eyes left his face and then focused on your hand before moving back up, slowly. Yeah, I know that look, I… Your name left his lips, but before you had a chance to reply, the show started again and you pulled your hand away, Logan feeling the tips of your fingers curl just slightly before they were gone. 

 Throughout the next twenty minutes of the show, Logan again tried to focus on the TV in front of him, and he found it easier. But why? The final commercial break began, and you spoke, voice quiet. “What do you think’s going to happen, Logan? I don’t think he’s dead, I think he comes back right before -”

 “Oh, definitely.” He moved, realizing at the last second that he’d scooted closer to you instead of further away, his left knee nearly touching your bent right one. “There’s no way they let that be the last time we see him, he’s too important to kill off-screen, and we need to know what happens to that other asshole, so…” You laughed, giving him a smile. ‘

 “Thank you for having me over, this was a lot of fun.” Yeah, it is. “Maybe next season we …” But you cut yourself off, lips pressed together. By the time the next season airs, I’ll be… married. “Well, we can text each other at least, right? Yeah. Yeah, we can. 

 Neither of you spoke for the entire last segment of the show, and by the time the credits started rolling, Logan saw that you’d pulled the blanket off of your shoulders, balling it up on your lap and leaning forward, eyes fixed on the screen. You’d been right - the character wasn’t dead, showing up at the last possible second to finish the fight, though bloodied and unsteady on his feet, collapsing at the last second before the screen faded to black. Figures. At least someone got to get even with … The image of William flashed in his mind, the man’s nose bloody after Logan’s punch, the single hit not even coming close to making up for everything that the man had done to him. But it’s what I could do. And he’s gone. He’s not in Juliet’s life anymore, or Em’s, or… “Should -”

 “Shhh, Logan, there’s always an …” You stopped yourself as the after-credits scene began, the only thing visible on the screen the bare feet and lower legs of a woman, firmly planted on the floor next to a hospital bed. “Oh, my God.” You leaned further forward, mouth open. “Oh, my God.” The woman stood, one of her ankles wobbling, and then the camera began to pan upward. “Logan, it’s…” I know, it can only be… The music grew in intensity, and the final shot revealed that the woman in the hospital was the main character that had just been potentially killed off’s sister, who’d been missing for nearly the entire season. I wasn’t expecting… Before the screen faded to black again, the woman spoke only one word - her brother’s name. “Fuck!” You said it. You turned toward him, eyes still wide, and before Logan could react, you had both hands on his leg, squeezing. “Logan that was…” Both of you looked down at the same time, realizing what was happening, and as you swore under your breath and began pulling away, Logan moved, too. Don’t do it, Delos. 

 But he did, swiftly grabbing for your wrists before you could pull them away, his fingers circling them easily as he said your name. You froze, and Logan could feel your pulse racing beneath his fingertips. Is that from the show, or from… But he had an idea that it was from him, and the proximity that the two of you had. We’ve been walking this line all night. I shouldn’t have invited her over, this isn’t… “Tell me to let go.” He watched your lip quiver, eyes closing and your lashes brushing your cheeks. “I will, and we can -” Your grip on his leg tightened and for one brief moment, Logan thought that you weren’t going to speak. 

 “You should let go, Logan.” He heard the finality in your voice, though there was a slight waver to it. “You’re engaged, and I don’t … I can’t let …” When you met his eyes again, he saw that you were torn. Oh, if she knew, if she knew what … “Please, Logan.” He released you immediately, and you pulled your hands away, sitting straight up. “I need to go, I need to …” He waited until you’d stood to rise, once again reaching out, but this time, only touching you at the elbow briefly. “Logan, what -” 

 “I said I wasn’t a cheater, and I meant it.” You looked up at him, waiting. “This hasn’t ever been about me wanting to get you into bed, to have … this be some big secret.” He sniffled, glancing up at the ceiling. “I don’t even know if I’m just way fucking off base here, but I -” 

 “You’re not.” You swallowed hard. “Logan, this is … you’re …”  I’m not? Despite outward appearances, Logan doubted a lot of things in his life, including the way people acted toward him - and their reasons for the behaviors. But then… “But it doesn’t matter, Logan. Because you’ve got a fiancée. You’re getting married, and I’m not going to be …” He watched you fighting to get the words out, your eyes slightly unfocused. “That isn’t what I want to be to you, Logan.” 

 “It’s not what I want for you, either.” But you don’t.. You don’t know, and I can’t… “I didn’t invite you here tonight because I wanted to fuck you.” He was blunt, but felt he needed to be. “There are parts of my life that aren’t … I told you, before, that you can’t believe everything you read, and I don’t know what you’ve …” 

 “Logan, I don’t care what the magazines or the websites say about the way you are with the other people in your life. I don’t give a shit if you slept with the entire population of California, but I would like to believe that what you - yourself - have told me is true. That you’re a good man, and that you’re honest and that you aren’t a cheater.” He heard your tone change as you spoke, each word coming out stronger than the last. She means it, she isn’t bluffing, and it’s not for show. “You’re a good looking guy, Logan. Really good looking. And you’re funny. You’re smart. You’re everything that people tick off on those little boxes in their heads when they think of someone that they’d want to be with - even just physically.” 

 “You -” But you cut him off, stepping closer to him and reaching up with one hand, letting yourself touch his shoulder. What is she doing? 

 “I’m guilty of flirting with you, Logan. And I won’t apologize for it, because you did the same thing back.” I did. “But now I think that I need to … not do that anymore, because I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of me.” He watched you frown, lips pressed together. “That’s not why I answered your calls, or why I text you back, or … the reason I came over here.” Goddamn this fucking NDA, I could just … “I’m going to go. I don’t want to keep digging myself deeper into this hole that I…” You closed your eyes, composing yourself. “Thank you for dinner. Thank you for having me over to use that giant TV. Thank you for -” 

 But it was Logan’s turn to cut you off, one finger pressed against your lips to silence you. Stop. “You’re welcome.” He pulled his hand away, focused on the sight of your surprise, eyes widening and your fingers flexing against his shoulder. “And for the record, I appreciate the fact that you think I check off those boxes, because a lotta people would be more than willing to tell you otherwise.” That got a small smile from you, but he also saw that you were still confused. Me too. “I was out of line. I shouldn’t have ...tonight? I shouldn’t have grabbed you, but it … happened.” And I’d do it again if you gave me the chance. “It won’t happen again.” Unless I find out a way to explain this to you. “So don’t apologize. And don’t worry - I’ll keep my hands to myself the next time I see you.” 

 He watched a look of disappointment fill your eyes - but then it was gone, replaced with one of relief. So her reactions depend on mine. Interesting. “Deal, Logan.” You pulled your hand away from his body and dropped it to your side. “But I really am going to go, it’s getting late, and I’ve got to work early. What time’s your flight?” Like nothin’... 

 “Ten. But I’m not flying commercial, so they can’t leave ‘til I get there.” Your lips twitched back into a smile, and Logan was happy to see the expression on your face again. “Private planes?” You raised one hand so that he could see it, using your pointer finger to draw a check mark in the air. Oh, you … But laughed before you did, nose wrinkling. “Ariella’s a lucky woman, no more TSA lines and all the snacks and drinks she wants?” She hasn’t been on one of the jets yet, actually… “Have a safe flight, Logan. And a good trip. I hope you can close the deal.”  

 “Already done, the trip’s a formality to show ‘em what they’re buying.” Your eyes lit up, and you congratulated him. “Nah, I had nothin’ to do with it, it was all Juliet. But still.” He grinned at you. “A week in the park? Always a good time.” 

 “I’ll take your word for it.” You turned away from him and started walking back toward the counter, where your bag was sitting. “Hey, do me a favor.” You turned toward him as you slung your purse over your shoulder, reaching up to push your hair away from your face. “I looked it up, and I know you can’t take pictures or anything of the park, and you can’t bring anything back with you, either.” He nodded. “So when you’re out there? If you have time? Focus on one thing that you’ve never really paid attention to. And when you get back, if … when we talk again?” You smiled at him, as if the previous 20 minutes hadn’t happened. “Tell me all about it, and make me think I’m right there with you.” You could be, maybe. 

 “I can do that.” He stayed where he was, watching as you stepped to the door. But before you pulled it open, Logan called your name, out, taking two steps toward you. What are you going to say? “Let me know you got home, alright?” You assured him you would and then you were gone, the door closing softly behind you. He groaned and dropped down onto the couch, covering his face with his hands. “What are you doing Delos? She isn’t … you’re not …” With difficulty, he pushed you from his mind, standing and walking down the hallway and into his room. You gotta get sleep, you’ve got meetings while you’re flying out. 

 But by the time Logan climbed into bed a few minutes later, his mind was racing with thoughts of the upcoming trip - and of the first Host he was going to take to bed. It’ll be about goddamn time, it’s been over a month since I’ve… Thoughts interrupted by the quiet chiming of his phone, Logan reached over to grab it, blinking at the bright screen in the darkness. She made it. 

 Home. Thanks again for tonight. Can’t believe she’s alive … next season’s going to be B A D for the people that killed her brother. 

 He laughed at your message, typing a quick reply out and then setting the phone back down on his nightstand. It is. He let out a deep breath, rolling onto his side and closing his eyes again. Maybe Clementine? Or Angela … if she’s still at the Mesa intake hub. 

 --- 

 By Wednesday, you were no longer mortified by what had happened on the couch at Logan’s, and as you thought more about it, you realized that it had been for the best. He knows I won’t act on anything, and I know he’s… not a cheater. You hadn’t meant for the flirting to get to the point it had, nor had you meant to actually overstep and touch him the way you had, but you’d gotten caught up in the moment. Who wouldn’t… especially with someone like him?

 It could have been the show, the beer you’d had, or maybe simply the closeness you felt to the man you were barely getting to know, but you’d put your hand over his heart - and then against his leg - without thinking… and then when you had, it had been too late. 

 You were attracted to Logan - physically, emotionally, irrationally, because you knew it wouldn’t go anywhere, but for a few moments, you’d felt the same coming from him, too. It isn’t possible. It can’t be possible. Not from him, not with … not with me. 

 There had been a few stories about Logan and Ariella online; pictures of them in the airport and  then out at dinner, comments about their upcoming wedding, a closeup of her ring, glinting on her finger as they sat together at a table. He’s got her, so why would he… But Logan’s past wasn’t a secret either, the numerous times he’d been spotted out with different men and women, the stories that they told about him - sex in hotels and clubs, hooking up in private cars and rooms, drug use, Logan blowing exhausting amounts of money on meaningless bullshit - and a small part of you thought that maybe old habits didn’t die completely, and part of him was still looking for some sort of thrill before he settled down for good. But he said he wasn’t… 

 You sighed, spinning in your desk chair, eyes on the clock. I wonder what he’s doing right now. You didn’t know the exact location of the Mesa or the parks, but you knew that it was somewhere near the Philippines, meaning that for Logan, it was already the following morning. Bet he’s sleeping. Or… You’d also read - and seen - Logan do interviews about the Hosts and his interactions with them, and you knew that he took advantage of his time in the parks. Does he consider that infidelity? Interested, you glanced again at the clock and then turned to your desk, quickly clicking through your emails to make sure you had nothing to do. I’ll just … You pulled your phone out, opened Reddit, and started doing research. I know he’s not everyone else, but I wonder what other people think of sleeping with the… 

 Nearly a half hour later, you were floored by the fact that it was relatively evenly split between people that considered going to bed with Hosts cheating and those that didn’t care since they weren’t real people, and couldn’t form lasting attachments. But even though the Hosts can’t remember things, the people… Sighing, you put your phone back down, tapping your fingers on the desk. I wonder how I’d feel about my husband or boyfriend or...

 There were pictures on the subreddit that were taken from the original Delos and park sites, and you had to admit that all of the Hosts pictured were gorgeous - men and women alike. So it was perfect for him. You thought of Logan in the park - riding horses and shooting guns and hitting an unsuspecting Host with his full smile, and realized that they - unlike you - wouldn’t have told him to stop, wouldn’t have been able to resist him, because they were designed not to. So it’s not a challenge, then. You tapped your fingers again, narrowing your eyes at the screen and then standing, deciding to take your break.  I wonder how real those things are, anyway. Does it feel real? 

 Before you could stop yourself, you grabbed your phone, picking it up and unlocking it, navigating to Logan’s text messages. I know you’re in the park and won’t answer for a while, but … I’m sitting here and wondering: how real are they? When you’re with the Hosts, does it feel like a human? I could just wait and ask, but if I do, I’d talk myself out of it. Do people get pissed about what happens in the parks? It’s so strange to me. And I’m rambling now so I apologize but … I have to know, Logan. You sent the message and then laughed at yourself, wondering how many times he’d been asked. But I’ll never have the chance to find out, I’m just… curious. Stepping outside, you turned your face up toward the sun, smiling. Wonder what Ariella thinks of it. Or if she’s been to the parks with him. But after a few minutes, even that thought had disappeared, replaced with only more questions about the parks and the Hosts - and about the design and planning behind them. 

--- 

 You were surprised to get a text from Juliet the following day, the woman simply saying hello and asking how you’d been. Weird. I wonder if Logan asked her to message me? But you replied, not thinking anything of it, and were shocked to find that Juliet didn’t mention Logan once the entire time you spoke, trading messages back and forth for nearly an hour. She invited you over for lunch on Sunday, which you accepted, especially after she told you Emily would be there. I want to meet her, everything I’ve heard is … 

 It was less of a surprise that Juliet wanted to be friendly to you than it was that Logan seemed to want to get to know you, so on Saturday morning, you headed back over to the house, a small bag packed with your bathing suit just in case.Juliet greeted you at the door, a small girl with Logan’s dark, straight hair peeking around the corner of the wall that led into the kitchen. She’s got his eyes. “Come in!” Juliet stepped to the side, waving her hand. “Emily Grace, come and meet my friend.” 

 You watched as the little girl stepped fully into the hallway, dressed in a frilly green dress, a small stuffed horse in one hand. “She’s really cute, Juliet.” Crouching down, you smiled at the little girl, saying hello. “I like your dress, Emily.” She stopped a foot or so away from you, tilting her head to one side and staring. That’s … Logan does that. “And your horse, too. Does she have a name?” 

 “She might not say anything to you, it takes a minute for her to -” Juliet spoke quietly, but Emily interrupted her, holding out the stuffed animal. 

 “His name is Bubble.” Bubble? “He lives at Grandpa’s.” You looked up at Juliet, even as you felt the material of the horse bumped into your arm. “Bubble.” 

 “It’s nice to meet you, Bubble.” You took it from her, holding it carefully as Emily eyed you, and you had the sneaking suspicion that if you stood up too quickly, the girl would not have been happy. Well. “Thank you, Emily. He’s a very … I like his spots.” Handing her the stuffed animal back, you watched as she hurried out of the room and back toward the room you’d sat in with Juliet the last time you were at the house, yelling the words ‘thank you’ as she retreated. “Bubble?” 

Juliet laughed, closing the door. “Yes. Bubble. That’s the name of the horse that my dad bought her, and that one … the stuffed one? It’s from Logan, and he had it made to look like the real thing.” You felt a surge of affection for the man and it made your entire body warm, but you stayed quiet. “She’s still too little to do anything but pony rides, but my dad, he… he’s trying to be a better grandparent than he was a parent, so it’s something.” 

 “Your dad has a farm?” Juliet laughed as the two of you walked into the living room, the woman shaking he head. 

 “No, he lives in Malibu, on the coast. No room for horses. He boards them at a place in Calabasas, so it’s pretty close.” The two of you settled onto the couches, Emily quietly playing in one corner of the room. “Logan and I grew up riding, and he thought it would be something that Em and I could do with my … my ex, and…” She trailed off, her eyes on the little girl. “Do you know about William?” 

 “I know you got divorced, and it wasn’t a friendly split.” You chewed on your lip. “Logan hasn’t said much about him, just that they didn’t get along, and he was happy when you guys separated.” 

 ‘Logan was actually a big reason why we split.” She looked at you, keeping her voice down. “William wasn’t a good guy. I… I saw it, but didn’t see it, you know? Logan tried to tell me, but I didn’t …” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now, and I was able to save my relationship with my brother, so…” Oh, I never would have… You stayed quiet, eyes on the woman because you were unsure of what to say. “And I have Emily, so it wasn’t all bad.” 

 “She seems like a good kid. Logan talks about her a lot.” She laughed, leaning back against the cushions and tucking both legs beneath her. “You’re on his lock screen.” 

 “Oh, you’ve seen his phone’s lock screen?” She arched an eyebrow at you. “Usually, he won’t let that phone -”

 “I put my number in it for him, before he left the hotel?” Don’t make this out to be more than it is, Juliet. “But after he handed it to me, I got distracted and we were talking, and it went dark, so he had to unlock it again, and it was you guys.” You shrugged. “No big deal.” 

 “I’m just giving you a hard time.” She called out to Emily, the little girl turning her head back toward the two of you. “Tell me when you’re hungry, alright?” With a solemn nod, the little girl turned back to her toys, and Juliet went quiet again. “He’ll be back tomorrow night.” 

 “Logan will?” Why is she telling me this? “He said he was going to be gone for at least a week, so I figured he’d -” Juliet shook her head. 

 “Nope. He got a message out through one of the park’s access points to let us know he was coming home a couple days early.” I hope everything’s … “One of the new clients got sick. It wasn’t anything to do with the park, so it’s not a problem, but he just wasn’t feeling well, so they all decided to head back to Sweetwater.” Sweetwater? “That’s the main entrance. Everyone gets dropped off there, because it’s really tame compared to other parts of the park. They were already close, so instead of spending a night there and then catching the train, they just …” She held up her hands. “Left early.” 

 “I don’t think I could imagine leaving a place like that up until the last possible second.”  You spoke without pause, wincing at the end of your sentence. “I mean, it seems like it would be so overwhelming, so much to see and do.” 

 “It is.” She eyed you. “But the more you’re there, the less… real it gets. You see the cracks, see the … truth.” She gave you a small smile. “I could get you in. It’s not a big deal. Send you off on a weeklong -”

 “Logan said the same thing. He asked me if I wanted to go, and I don’t…” You bit down on the corner of your lip. “I don’t think that’s a place to go alone, Juliet.” You shrugged. “And like I told him, my friends and I aren’t really your target demographic financially, so…” She smiled as you finished. “What?” 

 “He asked if you wanted to go to the park?” Yeah, why? It’s a huge part of his life, of course he’d want to know if I was … “He really does want to be your friend, then.” 

 “What?” But she didn’t answer, as Emily’d made her way over to the woman and put both hands on her leg. 

 “Lunch.” She paused, blinking twice. “Please.” Juliet wrinkled her nose and leaned down, her arms going around Emily’s waist and lifting her, standing in the same motion. 

 “Come on, we can keep talking while I make lunch.” 

 --- 

 You hadn’t gotten to continue your conversation about Logan while Juliet got everything ready, but you hadn’t stopped thinking about what the woman had said. Why does that mean… it shouldn’t… he’s just … 

 The three of you ate outside at the table on the patio, Emily devouring grilled chicken, avocado and fresh fruit while you and Juliet had salads with the same ingredients, and you were surprised at just how relaxed you were. As you ate, your eyes wandered over the yard, landing on the pool where you and Logan had spent the better part of the afternoon before moving to the fire pit, where you’d ended the night before he’d taken you home. We spent all damn day together, and it… 

 By the time Emily was ready to take a nap, you were slightly tired too, and instead of going back inside, you and Juliet stayed on the second patio in the bar area, stretched out on the outdoor furniture. “You going to ask me about it?” Her words interrupted your thoughts, and you turned your head toward Juliet, confused. “What I said about you and my brother?” 

 “About him being my friend?” She nodded. “I hadn’t planned on it, I -” But I want to know.

 “Logan and I grew up really … privileged. My mom had some money, but my dad worked really hard to build Delos from the ground up, and it paid off. He’s an asshole, and wasn’t always the best father - especially to Logan - but he’s a good businessman.” This has nothing to do with … “We had a lot of opportunities that other kids didn’t. Trips and clothes and cars and … and when we were old enough? We took advantage of it.” She eyed you. “Everyone knows about Logan’s teenage years and his 20’s, but mine?” Her eyes closed. “They were just as bad, I was just more private about it.” 

 “Really?” You laughed. “Juliet, I wouldn’t have -” 

 “I didn’t have a lot of the same problems as Logan.” She let out a breath. “He’s always been the better looking one, the … in demand one, the person that …” She fluffed her hair out, head moving back and forth. “Everyone wants Logan, and it’s been like that since we were kids, so he’s always been the focus, especially after our mom died. He’s a couple years older, so everyone paid attention to him, and I was just in the background.” 

 “You wanted people to pay attention to you.” She agreed.

 “I did, but it was exhausting. I had to try to be like him, and for him, it was just … that’s how he was. How he is.” Why does this … she’s… “So I had a couple years where I tried some things and dated some people, and it just … wasn’t what I wanted. I’d had enough of trying to get people to like me in the same way that everyone seemed to like him … so I just stopped.” She’d stood as she spoke, walking back behind the bar and emerging with two large bottles of water, handing one to you. “But Logan’s the opposite. He couldn’t turn it off if he wanted to - so if he was pushing people away, I knew there was something wrong.” 

 “I don’t understand.” She waited until you’d taken a large drink. “How does that -” 

 “You know about his... struggles, right?” She said the words slowly, as if they pained her, but you told her that you did. “So when that all happened? I saw the change in him before anyone else did. It was like he was a different person. I didn’t know what he was doing at first, but I knew something was up. He wasn’t… he was off, even with me, and …” She frowned, staring at the pool’s sparkling surface. “He just wasn’t Logan. It got a little better after William and I got divorced, but everything that he went through? It changed him.” 

 “Juliet, I’m sorry. I still don’t understand.” You wanted to - and didn’t want to offend her by not picking up on what she was saying. “I -” 

 “I know that Logan really wants to be your friend, because he’s treating you the way that he would have treated someone close to him before any of this happened - before William, before the park, before he switched from recreational drug use to … to not caring whether or not he’d wake up after going to bed.” Hearing her put it so bluntly made you gasp, one hand rising to cover your mouth. Oh, Logan. “He doesn’t lie. He always tells the truth and says what he’s really thinking. But that doesn’t mean that he makes an effort, if that makes sense.” She sat up, adjusting her position on the couch to face you. “And with you, he’s making an effort.” 

 “Juliet, we don’t… it’s only been a couple weeks. He’s not doing any -” 

 “No, that’s just it, though.” She licked her lips. “How do I explain this to you without making him sound like a …” Scrubbing a hand over her face, Juliet took a deep breath. “If Logan doesn’t want you in his life, he won’t make any effort to keep you there. He  doesn’t need to, because there’s always going to be someone else to step in, even now.” Even though he’s engaged, you mean. “He’s different now. And I know that I keep saying that, and you have no idea what it …” she swore, and for a second, you felt as though you were sitting outside with Logan and not his sister. “Can I be blunt with you? Like, really blunt?” You nodded, narrowing your eyes. “A few years ago, if you wouldn’t have slept with Logan when he got you and your friend back to that hotel room? You probably wouldn’t have had another chance to spend time with him.” 

 Sucking in a breath, you stared at her. Hearing it makes it sound … “Juliet, I -” 

 “And if you had seen him again? And you’d turned him down a second time?” She laughed, the sound carrying on the warm, dry air. “He would have forgotten about you before he’d even left the room.” She leaned in, her fingertips pressed into the cushions you were sitting on. “I can see it, even now, the way you’re reacting to how I’m… you like him.” 

 “Of course I like him, Juliet, he’s -”

 “That’s not what I mean.” She rolled her eyes. “I mean that you like him, as in you find him attractive and -”

 “He’s engaged, Juliet. It doesn’t matter how good looking I think he is, or how much I like spending time with him. We’re going to be friends, and … that’s it.” She watched you without speaking, waiting for you to continue. “So what changed him? Meeting Ari-” Juliet’s laugh was louder than you’d expected, her eyes closing before her head tilted back. 

 “No, Logan was still… Logan long after the two of them met for the first time.” So he wasn’t sleeping with just her, even after they...

 “But you said he was -”

 “Yes. But he was still my brother, still… himself, under all of the other bullshit. He did what he knew, what he was used to, and that didn’t… to tell you the truth,” she continued, moving closer. “It’s a little strange, even now, to see him so …” She curled her lip. “But sometimes, I think that this Logan? The Logan that we’ve gotten to really know since he got clean and involved in Em’s life? This might actually be the real Logan.” 

 “As opposed to… what?” You were confused, because you knew that in her mind, she was making perfect sense, but to you, she was all over the place. “You seemed to think that him being different was …” 

 “It is a good thing.” Her expression changed, Juliet growing much more thoughtful. “For the most part.” What does … “I love not seeing him trying to hide his arms, or… or not wearing clothes are are slightly too big to hide how much weight he’s lost. Seeing him back where he belongs - at the head of Delos - is something that I hoped for even when I was married to William, and not worrying about seeing him in the tabloids because of someone new, or a scandal  every other week is …” Juliet gave you a smile. “But at what cost?” Cost? What? “Seeing him with Ariella is …” Juliet paused. “You’ll see, if you ever meet her.”

 “Why would I meet his fiancée, Juliet? That doesn’t make any sense. I don’t need to -” I don’t want to meet her, I don’t want to… “From what he says, she isn’t even here often, so there’d be no …”

 “You’re right.” The woman relaxed against the couch cushions, her eyes moving over the yard. “Can I ask you something, though?” She met your eyes again, a serious look in them. “If you’d met Logan, and he wasn’t engaged, what would you …” Is she really asking me this? Is she… 

 You wanted to be honest with the woman. Her affirmation that Logan was, in fact honest - and her willingness to tell you about herself and her life gave you confirmation that the Delos siblings valued honesty above all else. But does it … “I wouldn’t have slept with him after meeting him at Whole Foods, I can tell you that much.” She snorted and you continued. “I knew of Logan before we met, so I would have put two and two together even without the magazines in front of my face, but … I don’t know.” You began picking at the fringe on the hem of your shorts. “I have no interest in being a one night stand, or doing something for a story, or for the … thrill of it.” 

 “So even if he was single, you wouldn’t have tried to -” Shaking your head, you drew your lower lip into your mouth, thinking. 

 “Not right away, no. And if that meant that I lost out on my chance to do more than talk with him?” Your shoulders rose and fell. “I don’t mean I need to be in a relationship with someone for things to be physical, but I don’t make it a habit of picking men up at the grocery store, or sleeping with them while my friends are passed out in the other room.” Taking a deep breath and holding it for a few seconds, you blinked. “And if what you’re saying, and what he says is true, if he’d been single, then he probably wouldn’t even have looked twice at me, because he would have had plenty of options.” You weren’t fishing for compliments, nor were you putting yourself down - it was the truth. “Everyone that Logan’s been seen with is -”

 “Using him.” She spoke plainly, her words surprising you. “He knows it, I know it, my dad knows it … they know it, too. Sure, there mighta been a couple of them that weren’t 100% doing that, but … it doesn’t matter how pretty you are, or how handsome if all you’re going to do is fuck someone for bragging rights. He’s a fucking person, and not one of the Hosts.” Is that really what it’s like for him? What it’s been like for him? “I appreciate you being honest with me.”

 “I have no reason not to be, Juliet.” You took a long drink from your water bottle, thinking. “Same with him. Why would I lie to someone just because I thought it would make me … that’s unnecessary.” You set the bottle down, holding your hands together on your lap. And I’m not a good enough liar. “I’ve got nothing to gain in this, not really. And I definitely don’t want to be another person that hurts him, or takes advantage of him, or …” 

 “I knew I liked you.” She reached forward, checking the time on her phone. “Em’s gonna be waking up in a little while, so we should go back inside, but …” Juliet watched you for a few seconds, her warm brown eyes searching your face. “You’re not like … you know what? I think you’re going to be good for my brother.” Though you appreciated the comment, you felt slight disappointment at it. If she thinks that about me, then what does that say about everyone else he knows? 

 --- 

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[quickspinner]

Plausible Deniability

Written for the LBSC sprint fic challenge. If you’d like to join in follow @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers for more information!

Challenge rules:

Pick a prompt and write for that prompt in up to three 15 minute sprints. No writing outside the sprints until you have completed all three! After the 3 sprints are complete, you have 24 hours to edit (which can include some new writing to smooth transitions, etc). After those 24 hours, post what you’ve got! More information on the challenge here!

Prompt: “I love you.” “Tell me that when you’re sober.”

Soooooo technically this is a fail as far as the challenge is concerned, because I only got the bare bones of it down during the allotted sprints and then I nearly doubled the length in “editing.” But, a failed challenge still means a completed fic, so yay for that. 

“She’s trouble in a tank top pretty little time bomb, blowing up, take you down,” Luka sang loudly, causing heads to turn towards them on the street. Marinette hushed him, and he obligingly dropped to a hum. 

Marinette gritted her teeth, adjusted Luka’s arm over her shoulders, and reminded herself that she had signed up for this. Had, in fact, assured Luka over and over that she didn’t mind and that he deserved to relax and celebrate, and just drink your shots, already, Luka I’ll make sure you get home safe. All of Luka’s friends were ecstatic for him and everyone wanted to buy him a drink, so Marinette had stood her self-appointed duty, making sure he had enough water and pacing things out so that when he staggered out of the bar at the end of the night, leaning heavily on her, he was still moving mostly under his own power, though he was certainly feeling no pain. 

Drunk Luka was chatty, though, and all the thoughts that normally stayed in his head seemed to just pour out of his mouth at random (along with, apparently, every song he’d ever heard or written).

“Snakebite heart, and a bubblegum smile,” he sang, fortunately at a more reasonable volume this time. 

“You’re so ridiculous,” Marinette grumbled, but there was fondness in it. 

“You’re the best,” he giggled. “I love you.” 

Marinette rolled her eyes. “Tell me that when you’re sober.”

“I did,” Luka snorted, and then laughed his drunk laugh again. “You avoided me for weeks.”

Marinette winced and bit her lip. She hadn’t been thinking about it when she said it. It was a reflexive response at this point, something she said to all her babbling drunk friends when she saw them home at the end of the night (Nino in particular was an ‘I love you, man!’ kind of drunk). She was used to this role, though it was the first time she’d done it for Luka. It hadn’t occurred to her until just then that her usual quip might hit a little differently with him. 

“Ma’nette.” Luka leaned on her more heavily and nuzzled at her temple—sort of. Really he more just bonked their heads together. “S’okay. Don’t get all moody. S’funny.” 

“It’s not funny,” Marinette sighed. 

“Everything’s funny,” Luka grinned, and then started laughing again. Marinette just shook her head, and settled his arm a little more comfortably over her shoulders. “Sides. I’m drunk. I can say whatever I want and we can just laugh it off in the morning. You don't even have to run away this time.” He leaned his head on hers, which tilted the rest of his body towards her, and she staggered slightly under his weight. “You’re so beautiful. Just...all the time. Fuckin’ gorgeous, you know that?”

Marinette blushed hotly. “You’re drunk,” she muttered. 

“Yep,” he grinned, and then added, “Drunk but not a liar.” He kissed the top of her head before straightening. Sort of. He took some of his weight off her, at least.

Luka sighed dreamily. “S’been years since then, right? An’ the first time was years before that.” He laughed. “God, I was such a dramatic little shit. Clear as a music note, sincere as a melody. You must have thought I was so stupid.”

“I thought it was beautiful,” Marinette replied quietly. 

Luka’s arm tightened around her shoulder, pulling her against his side in a hug. “Aw, you’re so sweet. You’ve always been great that way. You get me, even when I’m dumb.” 

“Yeah,” Marinette smiled, bumping him with her hip. “But come on, Luka, you got over all that a long time ago.”

Luka started to laugh so hard he nearly toppled over, and Marinette had to plant her feet and put all her weight into keeping him upright. When she did get him back onto his feet he was wiping away tears. 

“I am drunk as hell,” he chuckled, pulling his arm away.

“You really are,” Marinette agreed with a sigh.

He faced her, one hand curling behind her head. Marinette started slightly, out of surprise rather than fear, as he leaned toward her, his eyes unnaturally bright and liquor heavy on his breath. “I’m so drunk can tell you that I never got over you. That I’m still stupid in love with you and nobody ever makes me feel the way you do. You’re one in a million, Marinette. There’ll never be another girl as fascinating and brilliant and creative as you. I knew you were special from the second we met.” He grinned, one thumb gliding over her lower lip a little more roughly than he probably meant to. “And your lips make me think like a pervert. Also your ass is really cute.” He doubled over, giggling, his hands falling away from her as he started walking again. “You ever think about my ass?” he asked, rhetorically it seemed as without waiting for a reply, he tipped his head back and looked up at the sky. “Ugh, fuckin’ city lights. I miss the stars on the boat.” He started singing again, but casually, as if to himself, instead of belting it to the sky. “She’s outta control, so beautiful. I’ve been waiting so long, but she’ll never know…”

Marinette suddenly felt like she was reeling as much as Luka. She felt hot and cold all at once. She’d had no—

Well. That wasn’t true. She had had an idea that he still felt that way, but she didn’t trust her own judgement, not after years and years of reading into things and making mountains out of molehills, and their friendship was so perfect, so precious, she hadn’t wanted to make things weird. But all this time...oh, Luka...

Luka’s lopsided path was taking him a little close to the street, so Marinette jogged a bit to catch up with his long legs, and slipped back under his arm. 

“There you are,” he sighed happily, leaning on her again. “I’m so glad you came back.” 

“Don’t I always?” she said, a little breathless from the revelation.

“Eventually,” he agreed. “Thank fuck for that. Don’t know what I’d do if I scared you off for good.” 

Marinette sighed, and put her arm around his waist. “Come on. Let’s just get you home.”

If she was quiet on the metro, he didn’t seem to notice, filling the silence with idle chatter and random drunken observations that earned them some amused glances from their fellow subway patrons. Marinette didn’t really pay attention, except to push him away when he buried his nose in the crook of her neck and murmured about how good she smelled. Not that she minded, exactly, but she was still processing his drunken declarations and it was hard to think properly with her really attractive friend-and-maybe-more snuggling up on her. Luka had always craved touch (although not usually like that) and it didn’t really rattle her anymore, she just...really needed to think, and it was hard to do that when she was really kind of feeling like— 

“Our stop,” Luka muttered, and it embarrassed her that he was the one to notice. The fact that she was more distracted than he was drunk should have been disturbing. Luka sighed as she helped him get up, and leaned on her a little more heavily. “Sorry,” he muttered. “Tired.”

“I bet,” Marinette said, squeezing his waist lightly. “We’re almost there.” His chatter subsided into slightly off-key humming on the way up to his apartment, and she could see that now that the hilarity was fading, Luka was struggling to stay awake. He couldn’t even manage to stick on one song, humming in increasingly broken snippets. 

“All right,” she said, when they finally made it into his apartment. “Bed for you.”

“Bed sounds nice,” Luka agreed, as Marinette opened the door to his bedroom.

“I think you can make it from here,” Marinette said, slipping out from under his arm.

“Thanks, Nette,” he said, smiling down at her, and as she looked up at him her heartbeat quickened. She felt the flush in her cheeks, and looked away quickly, unconsciously licking her lips, before her eyes darted back to his again. 

Unfortunately for her, even drunk off his ass, he could read her like a book. 

“Are you gonna kiss me, Marinette?” Luka asked, leaning over her with one elbow on the doorway. “Cause I’m not opposed but like, I had plans for your birthday and they’ll be ruined if you’re avoiding me, so if you do you gotta cap your running away at three...no...wait, how many weeks?” He blinked, looking confused. “What day is it?”

Marinette swallowed hard, flooded with shame, her eyes stinging. Luka’s gaze snapped back to her, losing some of that vague expression. 

“Aw, Mari, don’t cry,” he sighed, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. ‘M so sorry. I’m such an idiot, you were never supposed to cry because of me.” He sighed, letting his forehead fall to rest against hers. “Sober me is gonna kick my own ass tomorrow for making you cry.” 

Marinette closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. She’d never wanted to kiss him so badly, but it would be wrong while he was like this, and he’d trusted her to get him home safely. Luka would never take advantage of her this way and she wouldn’t do it to him, either. 

Instead she leaned up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Luka relaxed into the hug, folding his arms around her and squeezing so tight it made her gasp. He moved to bury his face in her shoulder. “Love you,” he sighed. 

“Luka,” she whispered, and he grunted. “Tell me all that when you’re sober, okay? All the stuff you said to me tonight. Tell me again when you’re sober. Tomorrow, okay?” He grunted again, though she really wasn’t sure if he was hearing her.

She gently pushed him back, and then took his face in her hands, and kissed his forehead tenderly. “Now go to bed. I’ll be on the couch if you need anything.” 

She knew he was already half asleep, because he didn’t protest her sleeping on the couch. He let her nudge him around, and took the three steps to his bed, and collapsed onto it. 

Marinette sighed, and followed him for just a moment to pull his shoes off and cover him with a blanket. He was snoring before she even closed his door. 

***

You know just what to say Shit that scares me

He noticed the music first, before he was even fully awake. 

I should just walk away but I can’t move my feet The more that I know you the more that I want to 

He knew that song. 

He knew a lot of songs, really, but more importantly, he knew that voice. 

Something inside me’s changed I was so much younger yesterday

The piping voice fell into place right about when he woke up enough to remember the night before. Luka groaned and pulled his covers over his head, wishing he could just curl up and die. He really did want to go back in time and kick drunk Luka’s ass. What had he been thinking, getting that drunk and letting Marinette bring him home alone?

He was thinking that she’d put him in a taxi and send him off, naturally. Because he’d already been a couple drinks in, which was why he’d been hesitating over having more to begin with, and when Marinette had told him to enjoy himself and she’d make sure he got home safe, his logic brain had ceded control to his wishful thinking brain, or something. Because he’d just sold three songs to one of the biggest artists in the country and his name was going to be on the album sleeve and the check had been more money than he’d ever seen in his life and when everyone told him he deserved to celebrate, he kinda wanted to believe them. In his right mind he would have known that Marinette would never just shove him into a cab. Dumbass, he chided himself. 

Even beneath the blanket, he could smell food, his stomach equal parts queasy and interested, and Luka knew he couldn’t hide here forever. He had to man up and face the music. Literally, apparently. 

Luka sat up slowly, pushing his blanket off, and then opted for honorable procrastination in the form of dragging himself into his bathroom to shower and brush his teeth. If he was going to have to grovel and find a way to pretend he hadn’t meant all those things his dumb drunk ass said last night, he at least wanted the small dignity of smelling decent. He owed Marinette big time after this. It was probably thanks to her pushing water and food on him all night that he didn’t feel worse than he did. He paused on the way to swallow the pills and down the glass of water Marinette had left on his nightstand. It didn’t help his stomach but his head didn’t hurt as much by the time he was out of the shower. 

Luka debated putting on real clothes but opted for sweatpants and an ancient t-shirt. It wasn’t like Marinette hadn’t seen him looking worse. 

Finally he took a deep breath and made his way out to the living room. He could see Marinette in his little kitchen, the counter piled with food and ingredients. Luka winced; she must have gotten up earlier and gone shopping. There was no way he had this much, or this kind, of food on hand. 

Her phone was on the counter, the music—his music—blaring through the bluetooth speakers he’d long ago given her access to.  

“I didn’t know that I was starving till I tasted you,” she sang, bobbing slightly as she transferred food to the plates she had ready. “Don’t need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo…” 

Luka couldn’t help a smile. He’d covered and recorded the song for her birthday, teasingly telling her he that couldn’t stand to listen to the original anymore, but that was a lie. Luka had wide-ranging music taste and could appreciate even things he wouldn’t necessarily seek out on his own. Mostly, he just wanted to sing it for her. He’d recognized her singing it when he woke up; either she had it on repeat or her playlist had cycled in the time it took him to get cleaned up.

“By the way, by the way, you do things to my boooodEEEEK!” Marinette gasped and dropped the plate she was holding. Luka watched calmly as the shatter-resistant dish (that he’d bought on purpose because a surprising number of people he loved had a tendency to break things) cracked into several large shards. “Damn it, Luka,” she sighed, looking at the mess. “You startled me.” 

“Sorry. I’ll get it,” he said quickly, moving to pick up the pieces. His head reeled when he bent over though, sending him to his knees, and Marinette shoved him back as she crouched down instead. 

“No, I got it,” she murmured, not looking him in the eye, and Luka bit the inside of his cheek, feeling a flush of shame. He pulled his hands back and leaned back, intending to sit on his heels but falling back on his ass instead. Folding his legs under him like he meant to do that, he raked both hands through his hair and sighed. 

“I’m so sorry,” he muttered, as Marinette cleaned up the mess. “About last night. So, so sorry, Marinette, I was petty, and mean, and I said a bunch of really unnecessary things, and I swear I don’t—”

“Stop,” Marinette ordered, dumping the broken plate in the trash, along with the remains of the omelet that had been on it. Luka winced and shut his mouth and his eyes, rubbing his forehead with one hand.

Small, warm hands pushed his away and slender but strong fingers began massaging his temples and forehead. He leaned into her touch with a little moan. 

“How do you feel?” Marinette asked gently. 

Luka gave a lopsided smile, eyes still closed. “Like I don’t deserve this. It sure feels good though.” 

Marinette sighed, her breath wafting over his face. “Can you eat?” 

“A Marinette hangover special?” Luka’s grin widened. “Definitely. If there’s any left.” 

“There is,” Marinette told him, amusement in her voice. “I always make plenty. Sorry about the dish though.” Her fingers slid down to gently cup his face. Luka opened his eyes, to find he was looking into hers. Her beautiful, stunning eyes that still took his breath even after all these years. They looked red-rimmed and tired, though, and a stab of guilt went through him. 

Needle and the thread, gotta get you outta my head, get you outta my head  

Luka cringed at his own voice coming from the speakers. “Did you have to keep that one?” he asked plaintively. “I made you a better one.” 

“I know,” Marinette giggled. “But I like this one. It’s the first one you made for me.” 

“The quality is shit,” Luka grunted. He’d recorded it on his phone on the boat, on his acoustic back when they were teenagers. The boat hull gave it a weird hollow sound, and in a couple of places he’d gotten too loud and blown out the mic so that it sounded all staticy, and the p’s popped awfully, and he didn’t even know how she could stand to listen to that song because the whole reason he’d made her the cover was because she was playing the song nonstop as she mourned her breakup with—and he’d wanted to do something, anything to help— 

Marinette’s lips pressed to the wrinkle in his forehead, snapping him out of his thoughts. “It has sentimental value. Go sit at the table, I’ll bring out the food.”

Luka got up off the floor, swaying only slightly, and dragged himself to his small table. Marinette brought him a loaded plate, bacon piled beside the spinach omelet, sliced banana arranged on the other side. Luka avoided the bacon for the moment, going after the banana first, and then nibbling cautiously at the omelet. Marinette slid a plate of avocado toast and sliced french bread drizzled with honey over to him, and he ate a slice of each obediently. 

“Why is this so good when I feel so crappy?” he muttered.

"Science,” Marinette informed him, and he cracked a smile. 

“You didn’t have to stay,” Luka said after a moment. “Not that I don’t appreciate this, but…well. You didn’t have to.” 

Marinette glanced up at him and then seemed to consider her words for a moment. “I guess I was hoping...maybe you had some things to tell me this morning.” 

His fork froze halfway to his mouth as he stared at her, remembering the way she’d held him last night. What’s she’d said in his ear as he nearly dozed off on her. 

Tell me that again when you’re sober .

She held his gaze, taking a deliberately dainty bite of honey-drizzled bread, her tongue darting out to lick a stray drop off her lip. Luka swallowed, wondering wildly if she would taste like honey if he kissed her.

“M-maybe I do,” he mumbled, and then took a too large bite of omelet. He stared at his plate as he chewed, not even tasting it as his body went cold and then hot and a sudden wave of dizziness washed over him that he didn’t think had anything to do with the hangover. He was suddenly finding it hard to breathe. 

He glanced up to see Marinette still watching him. 

“Well,” she said, blushing and looking down at her own plate with a self-deprecating smile that he found much too adorable. “I promise if you do, I won’t run away this time.” 

There was a beat of silence as he stared at her and she stared at her plate, and then he mumbled, “Good to know,” and took another bite, trying not to smile too broadly while inside he was screaming like a teenage girl. 

Fiction Master Post

Music:

[baodurs]

i filled out this super cool button character profile by @extraordinarymage for sabrina! thank you for making this, it was a lot of fun to fill out <3 the bulk of it is under a cut and oh boy is it long !!!

Short, Quick Reference

Name: Sabrina Wiseman

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Love Interest: Kent

Main personality trait: Confidence

Secondary personality trait: Morbidity

Relationship with Nick: Full of love, haunted by unaddressed guilt and frustration. But mostly full of love.

Nickname for Nick: Saint Nick (used sparingly)

Resentful or accepting?: Slightly resentful

Main strategy (interpersonal, insightful, innovative?): Insightful

Ethical or expedient?: Expedient

GENERAL

Name: Sabrina Larkspur Wiseman

Nickname(s): Sab, used by anyone; Sabby, only Nick and Sally; and, of course, Button for Nick.

Birthday: I think I made her an October Libra for the purpose of a template I did months ago, but I’m not sure! No concrete birthday yet, I’m always very slow to nail down details like this.

Age: 20

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hair color + style: Blonde. A little past shoulder length, sometimes wavy. Usually a middle part. For Aeon, tied back in a bun.

Eye color: Blue, entirely because of the section of Frank O’Hara’s “Meditations in an Emergency” that goes, “My eyes are vague blue, like the sky...”

Height: 5′5

Piercings: Multiple in each ear, but a couple have started to close.

Tattoos: None yet! Sab likes the idea of a tattoo but is worried about finding the perfect design, whether she’d end up hating it, that the pain might be greater than she expects and she’ll look like a baby in front of her tattoo artist. I’d like to think she eventually consults Sally and/or Glitch to come up with an idea that she falls in love with, but I haven’t come up with what that would be!

Clothing style: Mostly solid colors, not a lot of patterns. Nothing super bright, but a fairly varied mix of pastels, neutrals, dark colors, black. Partial to denim skirts and sweater tops. Ankle boots. Likes a good turtleneck. She’s bolder when it comes to formal wear, and especially loves suits. Big fan of silk and satin.

Since she has a pretty accurate face claim, I’ll link some gifsets I’ve rb’d for appearance ref if you are so inclined.

STATS

I’m always adjusting minor things and swapping scenes around, but these are from my most recent Sab run! Most scores hover somewhere around these values.

Personality:

Confidence: 53%

Humor: 5%

Morbidity: 22%

Resentful: 57% | Accepting: 43%

Strategy:

Interpersonal: 12%

Insightful: 50%

Innovative: 10%

Ethical: 43% | Expedient: 57%

KEY DECISIONS:

What is Nick’s nickname and why?: Saint Nick, used very rarely. It’s a joking reference to the time she thought Santa was an evil Ment out to ruin Christmas, and a point about Nick overdoing it with the cheer. “Saint Nick” is usually code for “I know you mean well, but please mind your own business.” Otherwise, she just calls him Nick.

What is their favorite type of cookie (and its name and why?): Salted caramel chocolate chip! No special name.

What was their initial reaction to Sally hugging them, as kids?: She just froze. That could just be me projecting adult Sabrina onto her childhood self; I don’t imagine that she was as uncomfortable around strangers or quite as cautious back then. But that’s what I’ll stick with.

How did they ace the ASE test?: The in-game option she takes is “My entire life has revolved around strategic avoidance,” but the one about being just plain smart also sounds like her. If Sab has the chance to thoroughly (over)prepare for something, she will do it. Her mind blindness also has her constantly (over)analyzing situations. So, hard work and relentless anxiety!

Did they manage to win their first assignment? How?: Yes, by having Sally block the door. I’ve headcanoned some slight differences in how it plays out, which I wrote about in-depth here. To summarize, Sab thinks of blocking the door as a desperate last resort, not a clever loophole, and she pushes back against Rosy’s praise because she wishes she could have done it the “real” way. Rosy goes from being impressed to being annoyed that she’s willfully missing the point.

What was the primary emotion Button felt during the Aeon bombing (love, gratitude, etc?): Guilt. She feels very guilty about how much Nick has given up for her in general, but I think that in the moment, it’s on a smaller scale. The fact that Nick was on the phone with her when it happened, coming to her rescue like always, becomes emblematic of their whole relationship for her, and she really fixates on that.

Who drove them home from the hospital from and why?: Glitch. Sab responds to her initial text with “Are you sure?”, and is relieved when Glitch takes that as “Yes, please.” She doesn’t relish the idea of being around someone more connected to her family or Nick at that point.

How do they feel about Nick riding around in their mind?: Worried, at first. Just because it’s so unknown and absolutely insane. After seeing Doctor Amari, she’s excited! Sab is thrilled to be a Pollard Five and intends to take full advantage of it. I am not looking forward to seeing how she reacts when that’s taken away from her.

Why did Button agree to do the undercover mission?: To prove she still deserves to be an MIV. Sabrina feels stupid and reckless for putting herself, Nick, and Aeon in this position, but she knows she’s smart, and she hasn’t worked this hard for nothing. She wants to prove what she could do with a normal Pollard Score and make herself too valuable to give up even when she’s back to Zero.

Told Glitch about your mind blindness?: Depends on the playthrough. I’m constantly going back and forth on whether Sab meets Glitch for coffee or wanders the city with Nick in her second chapter 5 slot (after trying to track down Kent). If she does meet Glitch, though, she absolutely tells her; with how touchy Sab is about privacy, she couldn’t stomach not warning Glitch that Nick could hear everything they said.

Figured out K’s secret?: Nope. She finds enough of the clues to be given the “I knew it!” option in-game, but she didn’t actually put it together. Sab is too angry and embarrassed by learning that Kent is an AMO to find any reason to interrogate it. “The random guy I met before school just happens to be a jerk” is a perfectly sound explanation to her.

Found Noh’s clues?: Not at the metro station. Sometimes she sees the Vengeance brooms in chapter 5 (again, depending on the playthrough), but that’s it.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP:

Love Interest: Kent

Why them?: Sab feels an immediate kinship with Kent after learning about the NPO program. It’s kind of funny how quickly he moves from the least sympathetic position in her eyes (Ment who got past me and read my mind without my knowledge) to the most sympathetic (non-powered child of a prominent family aiming a league above where he “belongs”). A lot of new respect for his competence. Her fate is sealed when she realizes that his kindness at the hospital wasn’t him trying to make up for some wrongdoing, but just him being very sweet. (She had scoffed over “You needed help.” But now she’s like, “Oh. He meant that?! Fuck.”)

As they spend more time together, Sab realizes how weirdly similar they are in other ways, too. And she starts to feel safe/secure around him in a way that she’s extremely not used to. Growing up surrounded by Ments, Sab has a lot of issues about being too much, too difficult, needing to “be worthy” of love. So someone like Kent who is not a Ment, who has no “obligation” to care about her, and whose judgement she trusts implicitly? Being around him and being loved by him mean a lot, and I think will go a long way towards helping her reflect on her other relationships!

What are their first impressions of each other?: Okay, there are like 3 first impressions with Kent. First: he’s tall and handsome and secretly adorable, and they have similar career goals, so she’s drafting a five-month plan to woo him and get his number. Second: he’s a lying, self-obsessed loser who owes her many explanations. Third: oh no, the first impression was true! And he’s been continually, selflessly kind to her in spite of her overt hostility. Scratch the five-month plan, because the crush was only fun when it was entirely superficial; now she really, really likes him and that just sucks.

We know that Button makes a good impression on K by stopping for their dogs, but apart from that... I mean, the “we confused each other” from chapter 7 is very apt. Sab has lots of shifting personas, and Kent sees pretty much every one within 24 hours. The prevailing impression before everything gets cleared up is probably just that she cares a lot? About everything? Her stopping for the dogs, how seriously she takes the first assignment, the way she seems so deeply affected by something he said or did that morning. It’s a rare side of her to meet first because she usually pretends to be above everything.

What feature does your Button find most attractive in their RO (ex. appearance, personality, etc.)?: Probably his composure. And his... steadfastness? The way he seems unruffled by anything, his soothing presence. She really admires that about him and finds the calm contagious.

What do they do to spend time together?: Going on drives together! Kent driving while Sab plays songs she thinks he’ll like, talking or not talking. Cuddling on the couch while reading their own separate books. Museum dates. Walking the dogs together.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: I imagine that the first month or so of their relationship would be difficult, just because they’re both bad at expressing themselves and not used to relying on other people. Kent kind of negates a lot of Sab’s impulses to get defensive or hostile, so instead of arguments, I think there are more likely to be awkward periods where she’s just stewing in something without addressing it. Most of their fights would be, like, one of them becoming really distant for a concerning number of days until the other tries to awkwardly check in on them.

What does their future look like?: Uhh some random lore: I think eventually they do get married, despite neither of them caring that much about it. Sabrina would be excited to have something to plan, and she knows it would make the people around her happy. They have a long engagement; there’s never really an “official” proposal, just an acknowledgement that yeah, they’ll get married one day, and then eventually they get rings. The engagement is almost Sab’s favorite part, honestly. She likes planning and showing off her ring and calling Kent her fiancé, a lot of fanfare on her part for a wedding that ends up being very modest and chill.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in depth!)

Relationship with Nick: When I first started developing Sab, I thought that with as difficult/prickly as she can be, her relationship with Nick would be worse than it is. Never bad, but certainly strained, with more jealousy/resentment on her side. However, she rejected this. She is resentful, but never towards Nick—she internalizes the negative parts of their relationship so they manifest as guilt instead. And that’s the problem, not resentment. Sab thinks he’s overprotective, but that doesn’t make her angry; it just makes her sad. She wishes things were different and he didn’t feel so responsible for her, but she also doesn’t know how she could manage without him taking on so many of her burdens. So, guilt! So much love, but always looming guilt.

Having Nick in her head has helped. It’s added a new kind of guilt (“I’m a horrible person for being so giddy that people can’t hear my thoughts even though that requires my brother to be in a coma”), but getting inside Nick’s head for once and really feeling his love for her changes things. Makes her feel way more secure, I guess? It’s easier to see her brother as human person, a friend who loves her, rather than a perfect selfless paragon who sacrificed everything to raise her, which is an important shift.

There are also Things happening with self-presentation in the fact that they’re both models, and flirts, and pretend to be shallow. And the ways that they’ve responded to vastly different expectations. And selflessness versus selfishness. But I have no idea how to talk about that yet.

Relationship with Father: Strained and distant. Sabrina doesn’t necessarily blame him for leaving, but she hates how he’s handled it. She’s incredibly frustrated that John insists on keeping them in this miserable limbo of uncomfortable visits, even though moving away was (to her) a tacit acknowledgement that she and her parents are better off without each other. He’s trying to force a relationship that Sab thinks is ultimately harmful for everyone involved. For Nick’s sake, she’s willing to grin and bear the visits, but it never works because John can obviously tell it’s an act. He pushes her, she gets defensive, and so on to infinity.

Relationship with Mother: Like with John, Sab doesn’t resent Hope for the incident itself, or for leaving afterward. It was terrifying, and the idea of being around Hope makes her panic—but she thinks of that as just another irrational anxiety symptom, and she’s trying to work through it. What she does resent Hope for is letting it get to that point at all. Sab is incredibly bitter that Hope will suffer silently to the point of almost killing her (during the incident) and potentially herself (with the BRS), while Sab has no choice but to be completely open. Especially because they’re so similar in that way—she’s almost jealous. “Oh, so your silence is allowed to almost kill me and it’s ‘nobody’s fault’ but I can’t pretend to enjoy a single lunch with Dad without him calling me out for lying?”

And even though she doesn’t hold the incident itself against her, Sab is very hung up on “Why are you never quiet? Why are you always there?” She knows, on some level, that this was not a Personal Judgement against her. But because Hope keeps so much quiet, this is the only honest expression of her mother’s feelings that she can remember! It would take a lot for Sab to believe that Hope was really, genuinely interested in reconnecting with her, rather than just pretending to love her "enough” this time because to do otherwise would reflect poorly on Hope as a mother.

Relationship with Sally: Besties <3 Sally is the only member of the Wiseman inner circle that Sab doesn’t have complicated feelings about. They both have hidden morbid streaks that they bring out in each other, and can laugh about. They both have competitive streaks that work well together because they’re always on the same team. And their wants/needs from the relationship complement each other well, I think. Sally has always felt valued because she’s useful and not because she’s loved, while Sab has always felt smothered by love/care without feeling like she genuinely adds value to other people’s lives. So it means a lot to both of them that they’re able to help each other practically, while also genuinely loving and supporting each other outside of that.

Relationship with Gray: Full of trust and genuine care, but predicated on distance. Sab loves him a lot for being so careful not to cross any boundaries, physical or emotional, with her. She’s grateful that he’s there for Nick in a way that she doesn’t feel she can be. But "I like Gray because he doesn’t push me and is good to Nick” means that any hand he extend makes her defensive, because she’ll either view him as an emissary of Nick or start to panic because their normal routine is being disrupted (she doesn’t tell him about Hope in ch 3, for example).

They get along very well in a friend-of-a-friend sort of way, and bond over being cautious counterparts to Nick. Also, Sab never had a crush on Gray, but she is not immune to tall superhero and thinks it’s fun to fake flirt with him. (You know Isabela’s “You have pretty eyes” routine from DA2? Sab does that to Gray when conversations steer towards things she’d rather not talk about.)

Relationship with Glitch: I’m really excited about these two! They click from the start, and Sabrina feels immediately comfortable around Glitch, which makes her feel distinctly uncomfortable whenever she catches herself. Externally, they have pretty different personalities, but they’re both perceptive and... socially manipulative? aware of their self-presentation?... in ways that they both pick up on right away. So it’s a lot of conversational maneuvering and trying to figure out what the other’s game is, while also genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

Relationship with Kent/Kenna: I could go truly insane here. See the romance section above instead.

Relationship with Kim: Sab wants him to like her sooooo bad. He’s one of the only people to ever really get through to her, re: my headcanon conversation after the first assignment. Authority figures tend to treat her as special, whether that’s negatively because of her mind blindness or positively because she’s such an overachiever. She had no idea how to respond to that not being the case (and didn’t handle it well at first), but chapter 6 solidifies her respect for him.

It also turns Rosy’s opinion of Sab around; he was impressed by her in class but left his office thinking she was self-absorbed and naive. But the bombing is a reality check, and her response is very measured and practical in a way that surprises him.

Relationship with Lev: She doesn’t mind the comparisons to Nick or the “maybe one day they’ll fix you” comments as much as you might think. They aren’t her favorite, but she prefers that sort of thing to the inspirational platitudes belied by coddling that she got from her family growing up. Sab has fond memories of Lev and is grateful that he’s always been kind to her, but doesn’t have any particular feelings apart from that.

Relationship with Clarence: Holds a grudge against him for causing a scene, making her late, and generally being a jerk. But she can’t fault him for being right, after what happened! Mostly she just wants to avoid him, but she’ll be thrilled to lord her success over him if/when she proves herself.

Relationship with Dean Branham: Like Rosy, another authority figure that Sab desperately wants to impress. But without the personal investment she has in Rosy’s validation, more “Oh, this person is in charge, so I should make her like me!” Despite Nick’s and Rosy’s reservations, Sabrina doesn’t really have a problem with being “strongarmed” or manipulated into cooperating; for now, she figures Branham was just doing her job and respects her tactics.

Relationship/attitude towards Ments in general: Mostly just uncomfortable and wary around them. Sab doesn’t want her mind read, and she figures that no Ment wants to be forced to read it either. So she has a pretty strict “no Ments” rule for close personal relationships (excluding Nick, Sally, and Gray, of course. But only Nick really counts because he’s the only one who can hear her thoughts whenever she’s nearby). Not out of hatred or resentment, just because she knows it will be easier for everyone in the long run.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): Not many, but yes! Sab dated around a lot in the 2 years before Aeon (more like year and a half, because she completely shut it down once she was more focused on preparing for the MIV program), but there are 2 relationships that were formative/important for her. A high school sweetheart, and someone Sab met through modeling. She doesn’t keep up with her high school ex, but the model is her best friend outside of Sally and Nick, and they still keep in touch! I’m still developing them/the relationships, and I’ll probably post more about them someday. They’re fun!

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: Confusing and contradictory. She has two main modes that confuse people who meet both (e.g., Kent). She’s either cold, stuck-up, and sometimes hostile, OR she’s charming, frivolous, and sometimes flirty. Mode 1 is tense but stoic and inexpressive; mode 2 is seemingly relaxed but very posed and insincere. Mode 1 is for when she feels uncertain or has no agenda apart from “get to point B”; mode 2 is for when she’s more comfortable or trying to manipulate someone. Her actual personality is a bit closer to the second, but she doesn’t pretend not take things seriously or hide when she’s annoyed.

Strengths: Analytical, methodical, detail-oriented. Very driven and hardworking. May not always act like it, but does have social skills/charisma; a great liar, if you can’t read her mind. Unfailingly loyal and loving to her favorite people, so so so warm and affectionate and supportive if she really loves you. Very perceptive.

Weaknesses: Way too proud. Can be petty and vindictive. Self-absorbed (she doesn’t mean anything by it, but it’s hard for her to see past herself sometimes). Stubborn, hates being wrong. And... emotional isn’t the word, but strong negative emotions can really cloud her judgement. It ties into her being proud, petty, and stubborn; if she’s really upset about something, she can cling to that emotion instead of re-evaluating it or moving forward.

Phobias: From this ask about the phobias that are planned to show up in-game, there are a few that I could see fitting Sab, but I want to wait to see how they’re implemented before I fully commit. Which is very metagame-y, I know (and I am very metagame-y about IF), but “fear of X” is so broad that it really does depend on when/how it manifests in the text.

That being said, agoraphobia is almost a lock; crowds do make Sab very anxious if she can’t keep track of everyone within a certain distance, and if she can’t leave when she starts feeling antsy. Claustrophobia is a maybe. The choice that triggers it (in chapter 4, about hating MRI machines) suits Sab, but I’m not sure if she hates MRI machines because she hates tight spaces, or if it’s more related to her general anxiety about hospitals, medical tests, etc. Which she definitely has!

What activities/club did they do in school?: She avoided anything group-oriented as far as possible. She took piano (maybe violin?) lessons and did recitals, but wasn’t in orchestra. The one exception was maybe National Honor Society or some equivalent, which she would have joined for her resume’s sake. And I think she would have tutored!

Where do they escape to when they need space?: A little used library corner, where she can people watch without being seen/heard.

How do they feel about/cope with their mind blindness?: Sab hates it but tries not to dwell on it. She knows that it’s no one’s fault, and she mainly just tries to... minimize it? Drown out her thoughts, limit her contact with Ments. And, least healthily, very rigidly managing herself. Because there’s so much of her that exists outside of herself, without her control, she tries to either filter or completely suppress everything else. Part of why she got into modeling, she can perform and be perfect and have total control over the final product of her body in the photographs for whatever campaign. Some Day This Will Be Better. But definitely not where she is in current canon.

How has your Button changed since the Incident with Hope?: Developed many new anxieties and disorders and syndromes :) She also became way more self-conscious, as in literally conscious of and way more tightly monitoring herself, what she’s thinking, what she’s expressing, how she’s sitting, etc. Less emotive face, more rigid posture.

If they weren’t an Aeon student, what would they be doing?: Sab would have beaten herself up forever if she “proved everyone right” by avoiding Unity/Ments entirely, so she’d want to stay in the family business somehow. She probably would have ended up doing scientific research on mental agility. Maybe even working for Mirrortech or some other biotech company, which I imagine would have been an interesting conversation to have with the family.

RANDOM FACTS:

Zodiac sign: Like I said, I assigned her Libra months ago for the sake of a template. But I don’t know enough about astrology to commit. Libra or Leo, probably.

Hobbies: Music, reading poetry, “cooking” (i.e., sitting on the counter and not helping while Nick makes dinner)

Likes: Watching other people (Nick) play video games, dressing up, taking long showers/baths, dark chocolate with caramel, back hugs

Dislikes: Being patronized, hot weather, going to the doctor, driving, doing anything she is not good at

Type of bedsheets: Bamboo.

Drink of choice: Cucumber mint lemonade! For hot drinks, some kind of caramel coffee. For alcohol, she refuses to get drunk because she’s terrified of having even less control of her mental broadcast, but at home/around people she trusts she’ll have a glass or two of wine. Doesn’t know enough to be picky, but doesn’t like it too sweet.

Favorite food: Probably some pasta dish Nick makes with asparagus and tomatoes and a lot of garlic.

Favorite color: Like a light turquoise!

Favorite music: Music to her was another mind-shielding tactic before anything else, so she tends to like upbeat-ish electronic/pop stuff. Catchy and repetitive, and/or with lots of personality to drown out her own thoughts. On the other end of the spectrum, she does have a soft spot for crackly, lo-fi, old or old-sounding slow songs—something about fuzzy recordings simulating a weak telepathic signal.

Favorite season: Hmm, spring and autumn are both good. She likes either side of winter.

Anything else you’d like to share: My heart and a long, fulfilling marriage, with anyone who reads all this 💍

[madamewriterofwrongs]

ooh for the july prompt list can you do 28 + buddie

For you, darling, anything!

July Prompt List

28. “Just by existing and by letting me speak to you, you give me an immense amount.”

Without Question

“No, no, I’m serious, Eddie.” Buck let his beer slosh over the coffee table as he emphatically pointed at his best friend. He could clean up later; there were more important things happening at the moment. “You, need to get laid.”

On the carpet across from him, Eddie threw his head back in a groan of frustration. “Not this again, Buck, I told you.” He had, in fact, told Buck three times since arriving and subsequently leaving the bar with their friends, but it bared repeating. “I am not interested in hook-ups. I need a relationship – with someone Christopher would approve of.” At least, Eddie hoped that’s what he said (words were a bit fuzzy in his head at the moment). “I don’t need to get laid; I need to get married.”

That seemed to sober Buck just a little, his mouth drooping downwards. “You’re ready to get married again?”

Eddie found himself doing his best impression of that singing bass (weren’t brains funny at 3am?), thinking of the right answer. “No. Yes? Maybe. I hadn’t really thought about it but yeah” he eventually decided. “If I’m going to put myself out there again, it’s going to be with someone I can see a future with.”

“How are you supposed to know that on a first date?” Very good question, Buck. Eddie’s face scrunched in on itself as he sought the answer.

“I don’t know that I know what it would look like to meet that person.” Buck’s eyes were really blue when his face was red from too much alcohol. They were like an ocean in a storm. What?

“Okay.” Buck slammed his bottle onto the coffee table with so much force, it shattered their eardrums but he was already crawling to his feet.

He was halfway into the kitchen when Eddie finally realized that Buck was gone and called out “where did you go?”

Suddenly Buck was back where he started (had he even left?) throwing himself to the ground, now with a pen and a piece of what looked like old mail. “That looks important.”

“This is important-er” Buck insisted, leaning his weight against the edge of the table, giving his full attention to the paper stuffed under his forearm. “We’re going to figure this out.”

“Figure what out?”

Buck rolled his eyes and nearly hit his head on the table in the process. Should they really be doing this now? Well, if not now, then when?

“We’re going to figure out the perfect person for you” he declared with the confidence of a man who would have a splitting headache and a few bruises in the morning.

“You have a rolodex of every person on the planet that we can go through?” Eddie scoffed, taking another ill-advised drink.

Buck stared at Eddie too long for either of them to properly see straight, eyes forced wide before he inevitably fell asleep. “A rolodex? What are you, fifty?” Before he could process Buck’s words, they were moving on. “No, we’re going to write down exactly what you’re looking for in a partner, so that when you do meet someone, you’ll know they’re the one.”

Seemed reasonable enough. Buck was so smart sometimes, but sometimes he was an idiot (like that time he tried to pet a dog after they found it covered in – what they thought at the time was – blood. It turned out to be ketchup from where his owner had collapsed from a heart attack in the middle of making lunch). Buck was probably the dumbest smart person he knew. But in a really smart way.

“Okay.” Eddie leaned forward to match his friend’s position across the coffee table. “What’s first?”

Buck squinted at the paper, waiting for it to reveal its secrets. Just as quickly, he perked up and began to scribble.

“Number one: good looking.”

Eddie scoffed, wiping his spit from the table with his sleeve. “Why is that the first thing on the list?”

“Because” Buck drew out emphatically. “The whole goal is to get you laid. If you don’t find them attractive, then this whole experiment is for not.”

It was Eddie’s turn to roll his eyes so hard he felt dizzy. “Now who’s fifty?”

In lieu of a response, Buck went back to his scribbling. “Number two: they have to love Christopher.”

“That is an absolute must.” Anyone he was with had to love Christopher the way Buck did – with his whole heart. He really was a great person.

“Three: someone who understands your schedule. Being a firefighter is not a 9-5 thing; they have to be prepared for late nights and crazy danger.” Buck’s face twisted as he wrote, into something Eddie recognized as hurt. It took him a little longer to realize why that sadness was marring that pretty face. He slowly reached out a hand to touch his wrist. Buck shouldn’t feel like he was alone, or that Ali leaving was his fault. He deserved to know that there was someone who wanted to be with him – despite the schedules and the dangers. His eyes really were so perfectly blue; even when they were starring at him hopefully. Especially then.

Eddie opened his mouth but nothing came out so he closed it again, hoping the lack of oxygen would help him remember. He didn’t remove his hand right away.

Buck spent the next forty minutes emphatically telling Eddie exactly what his ideal person would be, with Eddie adding commentary here and there to make sure Buck got the wording right (maybe, things were still a bit hazy).

At the end of everything, there were ten items on the list. Ten items for the perfect partner for Eddie. Now all he had to do was find that person. He stared at Buck, proudly handing Eddie the paper for him to tuck into his back pocket, and something of a smile rose to his lips. Finding that person would be the easy part, thought Drunk Eddie. All he had to do was remember the list and even his sober counter-part (as obtuse as he was – excellent word choice, Drunk Eddie) would able to figure it out.

Just to be sure, Eddie waited until Buck stumbled towards the bathroom for the third time, before he retrieved the list from his back pocket and added an eleventh item.

There. Easy as pie.

Thoughts of delicious, sugar-filled pastries, had Eddie stumbling up the stairs to the master bathroom. Why did he think getting drunk at Hen’s birthday party was a good idea? He was not in his twenties anymore. This shit had consequences.

Of course, he expected those consequences to be a massive hangover and some second-hand embarrassment (which he did have). What he wasn’t expecting, was to wake up with his arm around the waist of a half-naked Buck.

Well that was new.

The soft smile on his face as he watched Buck’s even breathing, so calm and safe, was also…not that new. Certainly not one he’d ever experienced while sleeping shirtless in his best friend’s bed, obviously; but being happy that Buck was peaceful and all right was something Eddie experienced on a daily basis.

He carefully pulled his arm away from that – surprisingly soft – abdomen, and rolled onto his back as naturally as he could without waking the other man. If Buck woke up to them cuddling like that, there might need to be a discussion about why he felt so comfortable like that; and morning afters were not the time for existential wanderings.

Not that this was a ‘morning after’. It was the morning after a night of heavy drinking and clearly neither of them were fit to drive, let alone sleep on the couch without hurting themselves. Buck’s bed was big enough for two grown men to rest comfortably (not that they seemed to be using half of the space) so it made sense that they would share.

Yup, perfectly reasonable. Anything else – like his heart beating out of his chest with longing – was just an aftershock of the abhorrent amount of alcohol they’d consumed.

Who thought any of that was a good idea?

Oh right. Christopher was away at camp and Buck had dragged him to Hen’s birthday party; where she’d loudly declared that for one damn night, she wanted to celebrate everything she’d accomplished with her closest friends, consequences be damned. Which, of course, meant that several rounds of tequila shots were ordered in honor of the birthday girl. He vaguely recalled Karen getting exasperatedly drunk beside her wife, which encouraged Eddie to drink his loneliness away. Which seemed to have led back to Buck’s apartment.

There were definitely some dots missing there.

Namely, why he’d let himself sleep in his jeans but not his shirt (in Buck’s bed!).

Before he could even attempt to make connections, the body beside him began to stir, and the peaceful rest on Buck’s face soured into disgruntled pain.

“What died in my mouth?” He chewed on the words as they left his lips, leaving Eddie to dodge a few flailing limbs as Buck returned to the living. A few more scrapes of his tongue against his teeth seemingly had Buck satisfied that he wouldn’t get the taste out of his mouth without help, so he rolled over to check the time on his phone, only to find a body in the way.

“Eddie?” he groaned against the morning light through his window. “What are you doing here?”

The firefighter tried to shake his head but found it only made his stomach protest harder than it had been already. “We are too old to be drinking this much” he hoarsely declared.

Buck’s reply was swallowed by his retreating form as he stumbled towards the bathroom to empty the contents of his bad decision. Eddie let his head fall back against the pillow, the only sounds in the apartment becoming Buck’s retching, and Eddie’s painful decision to forget everything about last night.

Stumbling through the door of his bedroom a few hours later (Buck had insisted on taking him out for a greasy breakfast before dropping him off at home), Eddie had just enough mental energy to toss his clothes vaguely near the hamper before jumping in the shower and then straight to bed. He had never been so grateful for a day off in his life.

Much like the night before, Eddie remembered very little of the day he slept away; those 24 hours became a blip in the string of time that carried no real significance in his life and was happily forgotten.

When doing laundry a few days later, he did find a piece of Buck’s mail folded into the back pocket of his jeans. So, he tossed it onto the ever-growing pile of things on his dining room table colloquially called ‘things that need to be returned to Buck’s eventually’, and thought nothing of it.

It would be another month before Eddie thought about the letter or the night that time forgot.

Hosting random get-togethers for the firefighters and paramedics of the 118 (along with their families, of course) was practically a bi-weekly tradition at this point. Whoever was available would offer their space, and everyone was welcomed in, bringing food and drinks and games. It was one of Eddie’s favourite things about being a part of the 118: the inherent companionship. He had never been a part of anything where it was just assumed that he would have a babysitter, or someone to barbeque for two dozen people in his backyard, or drive him to the hospital when his grandmother broke her hip. No matter what was going on, they could always rely on each other.

He loved the family he’d built at the 118.

So what if he was a little lonely sometimes; he was never alone and that was just as good. Still, maybe it was time for him to put himself out there again. The idea of dating – of random hookups and dead-end dinners – felt exhausting (and not at all what he needed). What else could he do, though?

Luckily, it was his turn to host, so no matter how he was feeling, it would soon be replaced with joy and contentment and laughter. But first, he needed to clean up.

As was tradition, Eddie grabbed the pile of things on his table lovingly titled ‘things that should get back to Buck’s but likely never will’ and shoved them onto his bed until their guests had left for the evening. One of these days, he would remember to tell Buck about all the things of his that had accumulated at the Diaz house over the years (a spare charger, a hat, a few bits of mail he would bring over when he was helping Eddie with tax season – or Eddie was helping him, they weren’t really sure). Small things that might not be missed, but also a spare tooth brush, a pair of sweatpants, and a book he’d only ever seen Buck read at his dining room table while Christopher did his homework.

Maybe he should just get Buck a drawer for his things and then he wouldn’t have to lug it around every time he had company over.

The doorbell rang, sending Eddie sprinting to throw everything onto his bed so he could answer the door in a timely manner.

He loved having a full house. It made everything feel lived in. Sure, he strived to ensure that Christopher’s room (and any room his son spent a lot of time in) was warm and inviting. But there was something about 20 people crammed into the small sections of his house, filling the air with love, that made his house feel like home.

It also meant that there was a mess everywhere. He really didn’t mind it – part of having a big family was accepting that there would be a mess sometimes. With so many little ones running around, however (especially one who wasn’t so steady on his feet), it was best to keep the floors and corners tidy as much as possible.

That was when Eddie noticed a folded-up piece of paper on the floor of the hallway leading to his bedroom. It must have been a some of Buck’s mail that fell when he ran to get the door. An easy enough fix. Curiously, he unfolded the paper for the first time, just to see if it was something important.

Just a flier for some new gym Buck was on the mailing list for. Nothing special.

He turned it over to see the writing on the back, expecting contact info for a trainer or something equally relevant.

1.       Someone good looking (you have to want to bone them or it’s all for not don’t make fun of me for using that phrase it’s rude)

He recognized Buck’s messy handwriting straight away. What he couldn’t remember was why he’d written some sort of list on the back.

2.       Someone who loves Christopher (obviously that kid is your whole world so he has to be theirs too)

Okay, so this had something to do with Christopher, it probably had something to do with Eddie, too.

3.       Someone who understands your schedule/lifestyle (your job is important to you and you need someone who gets that)

Eddie stared at the page, memories of too much tequila and not enough inhibitions flooded back to him.

4.       Someone who will make you a priority (you need to make you a priority too you know)

Buck had written him a list of things he should be looking for in a partner, that much he remembered now. The commentary scrawled beside the list, however, was new.

5.       Someone kind (you’re so kind you need someone whose just as kind and appreciates your kindness because you’re so kind)

Eddie found himself dragging his feet towards the sounds of people, eyes still glued to the page.

6.       Someone smart (not like a doctor or anything but you have to be able to hold a conversation obviously)

He’d laid it out so simply that night; told Eddie exactly the type of person who would make him happy. How could Buck know that?

7.       Someone loyal (you deserve someone as loyal as you Eddie you stick by people even when they’re awful jerks who almost screwed up the best thing they ever had)

Eddie couldn’t breathe, head buzzing with the sincerity in Buck’s words, even sloppily written on the back of a flier.

8.       Someone who makes you laugh (I wish you could laugh more I like your laugh)

Someone called out to him – maybe the real Buck – but he was trapped in the memories of this world of possibilities.

9.       Someone who can read you (not read to you idiot you need someone who knows what your face means because you don’t always say things out loud but you do say a lot)

The new voice was in front of him now, reaching out to him, trying to pull him to the present, but he refused to leave.

10.   Someone who makes you feel safe (you make me feel safe)

And there it was; the list of qualities for Eddie’s perfect partner. The person who he could marry – because he remembered telling Buck that he wanted someone he could marry (that’s where the list had originated). It seemed an impossible task to find someone who fit all ten items on the list.

And yet.

Underneath it all, Eddie recognized his own handwriting, as messy as it was. The note he’d written himself so Sober Eddie would remember who it was that fit every criterion.

11.   Someone who’ll stay

When he finally found the strength to raise his eyes to meet the real Buck’s, he was breathless all over again. The concern, the absolute care on his face, tipped Eddie over the edge.

“It’s you.”

Buck ducked his head but didn’t physically retreat; he was still so close, all-encompassing – the same way he’d ingratiated himself into the Diaz family long ago.

“What’s me?”

Wordless, Eddie presented the list for Buck to read. He watched the journey of emotions play through like a slideshow from confusion, to embarrassment, to realization, to confusion once again, mixed with painfully unending hope.

“I didn’t mean me when I wrote this.”

How had he not seen it before? How could Eddie have been so blind?

“But I do.” His eyes really were like the ocean, weren’t they. Even sober, he could stare into them forever.

“Marry me?”

Buck’s chest expanded with the weight of Eddie’s question, eyes wide in a disbelief that made him feel giddy; knowing Buck was just as stunned by these turn of events as he was. The fact that neither of them had run away screaming in horror, had to be a good sign.

“What the hell is going on?”

In hindsight, Eddie should have known better than to have his earth-shattering realization in front of their friends and family. Everyone was too nosey for their own good. Just because he’d suddenly proposed to Buck despite the fact that they were not dating.

He’d just proposed to Buck despite the fact that they weren’t dating.

Athena called out to the boys again when neither answered. “Does someone want to clue me in?”

Buck turned back to Eddie, a calm smile on his face – the same peace that he’d had when they were lying in bed together (visions of memorizing his sleeping face filled his hope to the brim).

“Eddie and I are getting married.” Buck spoke loudly enough for everyone to hear, but his announcement was just for Eddie. The only word he had left to describe his beating heart was ‘disbelief’.

He’d just proposed to Buck despite the fact that they weren’t dating. And he’d said yes.

He should be more panicked. He should run away screaming. Ask to take it all back. What the hell was he thinking? Asking his best friend to marry him because of a list that seemed too good to be true. Just because Buck ticked every box that said they were perfect for each other. Just because Buck wanted him back, just as deliriously.

How could he not embrace it all?

The noises that erupted from their family was drowned out by the thrumming of his heart when Buck pulled him in for a kiss punctuated by the infectious laughter bubbling in his chest.

The list floated to the floor as Eddie wrapped both arms around his fiancé (holy shit, he had a fiancé), to be retrieved after everyone had gone home. Buck and Eddie would talk about everything – sit Christopher down with them to make sure he was as happy as he seemed as well – and the list would eventually make its way to their bedside table.

On their first anniversary, Eddie would present it to Buck in a frame, and they would hang it in their bedroom as a reminder of the night their drunken selves figured out what it took them years to discover.

Their perfect partner.

[lizacstuff]

Sen Çal Kapımı / Edser ask from episode 43 (2x04)

AKA Serkan’s episode. 

There is also speculation about episode 44 based on the fragmans and a few random asks

 (Asks under the cut)

Anonymous asked: Hey, Liza! How did you like the ep? I still get chills when watching the diary x video scene and the final one.. Finally the truth is out to both Serkan and Kiraz! And that fragman! 😍 but It seems like Aydan filing for custody will be the new drama, do you think it will last long? Because I highly doubt that they will give solely happy edser and Kiraz in remaining episodes..

My full episode thoughts are here,  but I agree the diary and video scene was spectacular. It makes me teary every time. 

I’m also psyched that the truth is out. Truthfully, I was one that wanted Serkan to find out at the end of the first episode, but now I concede that it was better to draw it out a bit to really build everything up to this episode and his journey to letting go of his fears. What a character arc they gave him. They really explored Serkan and what drives him this episode and it was a treat-- a painful treat-- to watch it all unfold and for him to finally admit what had driven him to push her away all those years ago and what was still holding him back in the present. 

As for what’s next, that’s a great question. I agree that it’s unlikely we’re going to get happy Edser family from here on out, there has to be some obstacles and drama before we get to the end. The Aydan custody drama will clearly be the conflict in episode 5, but I don’t see it as any real barrier for Eda and Serkan. We see in the second fragman that Eda is already confronting Serkan about it, so if Aydan is doing something underhanded they can’t draw it out too long. 

I assume that while the custody thing may cause a wee bit of miscommunication between Eda and Serkan, I think it mostly will serve as fodder for Aydan and Ayfer’s relationship dynamic and give the supporting characters something to run around and chase after while Eda, Serkan and Kiraz actually start forming their new family unit. If anything it might serve as a catalyst for Serkan. Picture it, Eda confronts Serkan about it and Serkan is like “I don’t know anything about that, I wouldn’t do something that would hurt you or Kiraz, but I do want her, I want us.” You know, serve to clarify things.  

There are probably a few episodes of family drama in store for us as everyone, including Eda, Serkan and Kiraz adjust to this new reality. I assume once the euphoria of having her Baba back wears off for Kiraz, she might ask some questions that are hard for Eda and Serkan to answer. We shall see. 

Anonymous asked: i don't think i've cried THIS much at an sck episode... in like ever lmao. i was full on silent sobbing at serkan watching kiraz's baby videos.. but the scene i really loved the most was the one where they have it out after that fancy dinner. it was EVERYTHING we needed to hear serkan's POV and i almost can't believe a lot of us got the "can't have kids" theory right. i have loved so much this season how edser have communicated, even when it's painful and hard.. it was sorely missing for them.

I know! The communication! I don’t think they’ve ever communicated like this. Of course their issues were not as deep and nuanced back in the first batch of episodes so going this in-depth wasn’t necessary, but they didn’t communicate like this when dealing with Babaanne or when it was really needed after the amnesia era.  

Honestly, so pleased the “can’t have kids” theory was correct. It goes so far in explaining his actions and thought process when pushing her away, as distorted as that thought process was.  It truly was selfless, because I’m sure all he wanted was to hold her tight and never let go, but it was also so unnecessary. Their love story has just been so tragic, but if you think about how many things were stacked against them, it’s also stunning that their love has persevered. They were so opposite and unlikely to fall in love to begin with and then you add in all the things that stood in their way, meddling mothers, family secrets, Serkan’s father being responsible for her parents death, evil, rich, powerful grandmother using everything in her considerable arsenal to keep them apart, psycho stalkers, kidnapping princes, crashing planes, amnesia, brainwashing and abusive exes, plotting “friends,” tumor, cancer, separation!

To come out of all of that and to see they are clearly still in love with one another... well they really don’t have any other choice. They should get married immediately with no pomp and circumstance just so they are legally tied together. So when the next tragic, catastrophic thing comes along it will be that much harder to pull them apart.  

Anonymous asked: deniz and burak are the most harmless "3rd party" characters we've ever had in the show that it almost makes me laugh when ppl get so insecure about them.. especially with burak, knowing that he's gonna be melo's love interest, even if i don't want it. like, sure serkan is naturally gonna be jealous, maybe possessive, because of "buba" but it's all being shown right now as light comedic relief.. i've seen some people REALLY take it to heart when it really doesn't seem like it's that deep lol.

I know, it’s all so mild. They also aren’t actually even third party love interests, because there is absolutely zero interest from either side of the main pair. Both are there to a) serve plot purposes and b) show that neither Eda or Serkan is interested in anybody else. It’s nice, we get to see that while they both have had options, neither has been able to move on and both have chosen to remain alone. 

As for driving the plot, Burak’s presence was necessary because they needed someone who Serkan thought was Kiraz’s father, and Deniz was necessary because they needed someone who would do whatever Serkan wanted when Serkan wanted to force proximity with Eda. 

Looking at the fragman, the real “triangle” might be Buba - Kiraz - Baba  but I also think that will mostly be played for laughs.  A way to give us some “Drain the pool” and “Burn the flowers” type jealousy moments from Serkan, since that was a hallmark of Ayse’s early writing. 

However, I can see why some folks were put-off by that vibe. Because, yes, if you’ve been standing in as a male-figure for the 5-year-old daughter of the woman you’re tying to woo (let’s not pretend that’s not why Burak takes such an interest in Kiraz) and the father that the 5-year-old has been wanting and pining for actually re-enters the picture, maybe you don’t need to force your way in and have “Buba day” the day after he returns. I’m not saying you can’t have it ever again, I’m saying you let the family have some alone time and figure things out. Anyone with any emotional intelligence would postpone such an outing. However, it looks like Serkan is not put off so easily and we know he doesn’t lose, so it will probably lead to humorous scenes. 

The good thing about this is that it shows that Serkan won’t sit passively by. Here Burak is giving him an out, Serkan can have his day back, go to work, he can slide into fatherhood slowly, but looks like Serkan is going to have none of that and is going to crash their fishing outing. How’s that for someone who said he wasn’t ready for fatherhood a mere 24-48 hours earlier?

Also it’s worth noting that Kiraz doesn’t see Burak as a father-figure, if she did she probably would have joined Ayfer and tried to get her mom to marry him. Instead she’s been almost obsessed with her father, talking about him, dreaming about him, wanting him and was very quick to correct when someone mistook Baba and Buba. Also she wanted Buba to meet her father.  So Kiraz wanting to spend time with him isn’t a slight, in her mind he’s a friend, an uncle and with all the upheaval keeping their plans might feel safe to her. We’ll see.   

 martha0206 asked: Hi! I love your pinned post. That moment was perfect. Also, I loved the sad and emotional scenes as well as the funny ones. The episode was amazing!!! ❤ Serkan made Kiraz dream come true and I've rewatched that scene and cried because it's too beautiful and touching 🥺 K: Dad? S: Happy Birthday, my daughter 🥺😭❤

Ahh... this post that was pinned.  Thank you for the kind words, I also love that scene. I just love it because it’s such an EXTRA thing to do, putting on the astronaut costume and making an entrance like that, but both Serkan and Eda have always been so extra that it works for their little family. 

I love that he made Kiraz’s dream come true in the most dramatic way possible.  But beyond being dramatic, it was the perfect way to signal that no matter what fears or hang-ups Serkan had, he’s committed to getting over them and he’s ready to go all in on fatherhood. A perfect way to show not only Eda that he’s serious, but to show all their friends and family he’s serious. DO YOU HEAR THAT, AYFER? He’s back and he’s going to be her daddy, and there is nothing you can do about it!

Anonymous asked: do you think the writers goal is to make us hate Ayfer and Aydan? because its just a deeper and deeper hole for these two and I don't understand if they're supposed to be a happy family at the end. I actually realized going back that Ayfer never really developed into liking Serkan/Edser, she just accepted him one day and that was that but with Aydan, her character development was top tier up until episode 29 came along and she never recovered. Now I just want them gone.

LOL, I think this is a pretty popular sentiment among fans.  

Personally, I need to see how badly Aydan is meddling in the next episode. If it’s fairly inept meddling that just causes some mild misunderstandings but also serves as a catalyst for an Edser conversation about the future, I probably won’t get too upset with her.  However, if her meddling is more competent this time and she gets them into real trouble or causes real problems, then I’ll get annoyed with her. Although, I have to say if we need a few episodes of drama, I would rather this sort of controlled, family drama (meddling mamas causing a misunderstanding about custody) then, you know, other melodramatic things that certain other writing teams used to do... like kidnappings and obsessed stalkers. 

As for Aydan, I can’t help it, even though I can never forgive her transgression in 29, I feel sorry that she lost out on so much of her granddaughter’s life.  So if she wants to come in and cause headaches and drama for Ayfer (not Eda, Kiraz and Serkan... but Ayfer) then I have no problem with that. As far as I’m concerned those two can run around for the next few episodes playing cat and mouse while Eda/Serkan/Kiraz quietly form a family.

Honestly, I don’t think they want us to hate Aydan, because they give Aydan funny scenes and relationships outside of Serkan with Kemal and Seyfi and even Engin and Piril, but I have wondered if they want us to hate Ayfer. Because Ayfer doesn’t get any redeeming scenes.  I mean we’re talking about a woman who managed to raise her orphaned niece and her niece never wanted for love and turned out to be a strong, smart, confidence, successful woman... sooooo she must be awesome, right!?!  NOPE. I mean to take a character like that, who had to have been so instrumental in Eda not feeling lonely like Serkan did, but then make her so unlikeable... it has to be on purpose.  

Anonymous asked: I loved this episode of sen cal kapimi. I wasn’t so mad at the pregnancy thing. I know lots of fans are but I really liked how they made Eda and Serkan emotional and we could understand them better. I just hate how all the people who don’t like the show anymore have turned into toxic haters. It’s so frustrating. If she show isnt working for you, then why do they keep watching? 🙁

This happens in every fandom where the show keeps going and takes turns that some fans don’t like. My best advice is to not expect others to change or to stop watching or stop hate tweeting/posting, but to take steps to change your own experience so they don’t ruin it for you. I can’t tell you how many people I currently have muted on twitter. Lots. I don’t want to see the cynical, nasty tweets day in and day out about this show, the writers etc. Twitter has always been hard to take because so many people post their knee-jerk responses there and often choose to word vomit their first emotional response which for some people is mostly negative. That is true for every fandom, and has been true for this fandom since I started looking at responses there. 

So to protect yourself, seek out people who are enjoying the show and post content that you want to see and mute, unfollow or even block those who make your experience worse. 

You’ll never regret curating your experience. 

Also I don’t really consider this fandom toxic. Sure there’s negativity about the storyline and internal drama about a variety of things, but after you’ve been though shipwars that get hella toxic and include fans trying to destroy actor’s careers and who attempt to use social justice issues to bully their fanon ships into existence on a constant day-after-day basis for years, this is nothing. This fandom is a daisy-lined, sunlight walk in the park in comparison.  

Anonymous asked: For the way they treat their child's SO, I prefer Aydan over Ayfer. Ofc Aydan has been selfish & rude to Eda but Aydan saw her as a respectable foe even when she didn't like Eda. Even now her ire has been directed more at Ayfer than Eda. Ayfer eventually accepted Serkan but never seemed to like him. I get why she thought he was bad for Eda but often her anger has been unwarranted. Ironic how mad she was at him for keeping a secret from Eda for 2 weeks. Even now we see how Ayfer's anger sways Eda

I also prefer Aydan over Ayfer, here’s my recent post on it. 

The problem is not that Ayfer never liked Serkan, the problem is that Ayfer never care that Eda did like him. Ayfer can dislike him all she wants as long as she doesn’t interfere, but oh wait, she has interfered, time and time again. She’s used guilt and manipulation in attempts to control Eda at every turn, to the point, at times, of not caring that she was forcing Eda to sacrifice her career as well as her love. 

It will be interesting to see Ayfer’s response when she realizes Eda is going to let Serkan into their lives. Will she double down on badmouthing Serkan and pressuring Eda not to get involved with him, or will she smarten up and back off? I think we know the answer to that. 

Anonymous asked: Hii! I’m curious what they will come up with for the remaining episodes, I mean, drama-wise, cause no way will Ayse give us 7 episodes of Edser x Kiraz happy family time 🥺 but sure, that is also reasonable since Turks need drama to keep watching

You know, as I said above, I’m very curious about this. To be honest I didn’t really expect Eda and Serkan to be at this emotional place by the 4th episode. I mean they’re not totally ready to get back together, but they’ve both made it obvious that they still love one another, and that is kind of a big milestone in a romantic story. 

Seriously, my assumption prior to the season was that we’d have these initial finding out episodes, and then Eda and Serkan would still be sort of outwardly pretending that they didn’t want to get back together, or still angry at one another, but then they’d be forced together by Kiraz. You know there’d be some parent trapping, and a handcuff episodes and then Kiraz would manipulate them into living together and we’d get all sorts of domestic sexual tension scenes.  Now these things may still happen to some degree, but Edser is starting from a very different outward emotional place than I thought they would be. I assumed we’d get another 4-5 episodes of slow burn, forced proximity before they admitted things and got engaged. But now it feels like their feelings are out in the open and they could decide to get married at any moment. 

So we’ll have to see how the writer’s decide to chart their emotional journey over the remaining episodes. One thing I’m sure of, there are some wonderful scenes coming our way.  

Anonymous asked: I'm back and happy to say that Engin delivered!! THAT is how you use a side character. (Not whatever they were doing with Ayfer for what seemed like half the episode) This was a perfect scene for these two and had no business being as emotional as it was

Oh, yes, as I said here in my episode thoughts, the Engin/Serkan scene is the one that really started me crying on first watch. Anil was really fantastic in that scene and it made me realize how sorely I had missed Serkan/Engin as male best friends who actually talk about their emotions. Where was that guy when Serkan was being brainwashed and manipulated by Selin!?! Oh yeah he was in the hands of inept writers. 

Glad the real Engin is back!

Anonymous asked: Serkan's vehemence against wanting kids, and his dislike of kids in general, make so much more sense with what was revealed.. we just had to be patient! I can't imagine wanting something so much, having it be your "dream" and being told it's impossible.. Serkan's method of dealing with it was trying to convince himself he never wanted it in the first place and trying to dislike the topic altogether. no wonder he was never close with Can either as an uncle... how heartbreaking!

Yes, I absolutely think that was part of it. He dealt with the fact that he couldn't have children by outwardly adopting the attitude that he never wanted it, even though he still knew deep down that it’s all he wanted with Eda. 

Heartbreaking indeed. 

Anonymous asked: i hate to think of more drama when it seems like we have such a fluff-filled episode next week.. but this week's conversations b/w edser have me thinking.. do you think a possibility of reoccurrence of his tumor, or just a scare could be coming as one of their "final" hurdles. except this time instead of making his mistakes from the past, he'll do it right this time. obviously everything will be resolved happily, but i was thinking of the possibility of this when serkan was discussing his health

While anything is possible, I don’t see a reoccurrence of his tumor happening because they had a scene where the doctor said he was in perfect health and that since it had been five years he now had the same chance of occurrence as an ordinary person.  However, I suppose it’s not impossible that they give him some sort of scare so that he can prove he’s changed and that they won’t abandon his family if that sort of adversity comes again. 

Honestly, if I was Eda, I would make him go to therapy as a condition of them getting back together. Make sure he develops some coping skills for the long haul. 

Anonymous asked: the ending of the last episode was equivalent to ep 11 but kiraz version for me.. the whole build-up of serkan initially thinking he can't be her father - a good father - and his fears about leaving them both halfway culminating in him saying kiraz is a miracle, that she's perfect.. watching her home videos to showing up WHEN IT MATTERED!! for his daughter.. ugh i'm so glad there was that build-up, but also that it wasn't stretched out over multiple episodes.

Yes, I agree it was all really well done. It did feel like we had all the build up we needed to truly appreciate the moment and to appreciate Serkan’s extraordinary character arc. 

He truly rose to the occasion at the right moment, and I love that his grand gesture not only made Kiraz’s dream come true, but it showed everyone his growth and acceptance of his role as her father. 

Anonymous asked: can they just bring back Tahir - him and Melo had so much potential. let's just say he finally quit working for Babaanne and decided to come back to Istanbul to find Melo 😊

Yes, please!  He really liked her! Though she never really liked him, lmao. She could have gotten there with time. Though, I guess if she really likes Burak I can get behind it. And by that I mean I won’t bitch about it too much. No promises. We shall see. 

Anonymous asked: Anon here! Thank you so much for that explanation!!!! It seems really interesting, might just have to give it a chance now! Thank you kindly 😊😊

It’s a fun show and I do recommend it. Let me know if you start watching!

[4dtk]

happy birthday jeno! ❤️❤️

[7:13pm] there was little to no light in your room, the only thing illuminating the dark space being your laptop as your tutor had wrapped up the last class of the day.

although class had ended, there was still some work that required your attention, work that needed to be submitted the next day.

despite your determination, the many tabs and windows open on your screen had made you dizzy, leading you to take little breaks with soft music playing on the speakers.

with a creak of your room door, your boyfriend jeno had entered, surprised at the darkness greeting him with no sign of his lover—apart from the glowing screen amidst the slowly darkening sky.

"baby? what are you doing in the dark?" with one word, you had answered him, though gave him no form of response after.

"(y/n)... how long have you been in the dark?" you sigh, turning to your clock before hesitating to reply him, knowing he'd go crazy and ask you to take a break.

"can we not worry about that now, jeno? i really need to get this done." there's a flat tone in your voice, the feeling different from the usual cooing or lovestruck voice you had with him.

another loud sigh escaped, sensing the weight of your school work when his arm had come around your shoulders.

"i'm sorry, jeno, i know... it's online learning and i shouldn't be complaining when everyone else is working their ass off in supermarkets and the hospital. idols still have to film and perform and i can't handle a simple powerpoint slide!"

you naturally curl into your side, tears strangely not falling, though, your face was scrunched up in frustration.

jeno consoles you with a rub of your shoulders, placing kisses on your head every minute of two and turning on the bedside lights so you wouldn't be met with instant, blinding lights.

you did like to work in a low-light setting, that much he knew.

"let's watch some funny videos we had on set, yeah? filming for the reload album wasn't all seriousness—you know the chaos of the others."

you giggle at that, lucky enough to experience some of the silly and dumb moments of the younger NCT unit, with some not even put up on their youtube channel

there was never a dull day with the boys, thinking of the teaser video recently released and how you knew the goofiness off cameras.

"okay okay, so you know how we have a mattress scene in puzzle piece? okay, wait," he scrolls through his videos, finding the right one, "there's jisung jumping on the mattress and then, then-"

there's a burst of laughter from you, seeing renjun sit up with a glare at the youngest as he almost flew off the bed with how high jisung was jumping.

"here's one from recording, look, just look at hyuck!" he giggles at the memory, looking to you before you match his expression, a rumble of laughs emerging from your mouth as the jokes spilling from the screen add on to the moment.

jeno's eyes never leave your wide smile, glad at the positive change of emotion he was able to bring out as the hand around his waist squeezed and unsqueezed in happiness.

"thank y- wait, how long have you been looking at me?"

"what?"

you flush a little, "you haven't said anything and it's only me laughing; it isn't fun if i'm laughing alone."

jeno grins, "i'm sorry baby, i was just happy too see you smile, that's all."

with a quick glance to your phone, you sat up straighter, gaining a confused glance from the male.

"ah! i forgot to get your birthday cake because of all the classes today, oh noooo..." you deflate at this with your body going limp, almost kicking the laptop off the chair if not for jeno saving it.

"it's okay, it's okay! don't worry about it." he pecks you on the lips, naturally bringing your legs to rest over his as you relax into his embrace.

"we'll just go down to the convenience store to buy those one-slice cakes. it's 24 hours, right?" he asks

you nod without a reply, still feeling guilty at your forgetfulness of your own boyfriend's birthday.

"hey baby, it's okay! we probably can't finish a full cake anyway if not for the others practically devouring it during my past birthdays at your house."

your shoulders shake at the little joke, feeling his hands bring your face to his.

"are you sure, jeno?"

he smiles that soft smile before bed and in the bath, knowing that it always manages to give you a sense of security and peace. this time is no different.

"i'm sure, anything with you, i'm sure." with a kiss, jeno eases your worries as you rest for a bit more, before grabbing your masks and making your way to the store hand in hand.

[sweethugsandhoney]

okay so i’ve seen spencer reid x dumb reader, but i’ve never seen dumb dumb reader. like my level of dumbness, so i decided to write an imagine, it’s my first one so pls be nice :((.

never in my life did i see myself dating someone like spencer. i mean how could i, the man had more phds than what i could keep up with. i didn’t even finish high school, dropping out at 16 because i thought school was a waste of time (luckily, i turned out okay and made good money as a nail tech). i expected to see myself with a drug dealer that i needed to bail out every weekend.

but no, i landed the one and only dr. spencer’s reid. we met at a birthday party at jj’s house, it was for her son henry. she was a frequent client of mine, and got along well with her. so much so that she invited me to her son’s birthday party, i can still remember how i met him.

i raised your fist to knock on the door. the cars that were parked in the driveway and street made me a tad bit nervous, i probably didn’t know any of these people. i’ve been to jj’s house before for a coffee, but had never met any of her other friends.

i was snapped out of my thoughts when jj opened the door, greeting me with a ‘hi’ and a hug. “i’m so glad you could make it!”, said jj, turning around and grabbing my hand, dragging me through the house. she stopped at the dining table where the adults were gathered. ‘wow never thought i’d make it to the adult table at parties’ i thought to myself.

“guys this is y/n, she’s my nail lady”, introduced jj, i smiled and waved. “this is rossi, emily, spencer, hotch, and derek and penelope are around somewhere”, she said as the introduced everyone to me. i shook hands with every person but got stood up when i got to a tall lanky guy with brown hair and honey brown eyes just stared at my hand.

“the number of pathogens and bacteria passed during a handshake is staggering, it’s actually safer to kiss”, he said, looking up to meet my eyes. i raised my eyebrows and blinked a few times. “you want to kiss?”, i said confusingly, retracting my hand to my side. i saw his cheeks turn a deep pink as the people around us snickered. “n-no, i mean i don’t shake hands”, he said looking down.

“come on, take a seat”, jj had a smile on her face as she pulled out a chair for me, i said a thank you and sat down. i don’t know how but i had attracted his attention and he ended up asking for my number.

i don’t remember the time i found out he was a genius, maybe if i think hard enough i’ll remember. however, i do remember the time he found out i was a dumbass. we were maybe three months into the relationship, i was sleeping over at his apartment.

i stared at my phone with scrunched eyebrows and thoughts running a million miles a second. my eyes scanned through the article title ‘US Debt Reaches $17 Million’. i looked over to spencer, who was sitting up next to me in bed turning pages of a book each second.

“hey spence”, he turned his head from his book to my eyes. “you know how the government is in debt”, i started, he nodded his head. “why don’t they just print more money to pay it off”, i finished.

“if the government prints more money they will suffer hyperinflation”, he said simply. my face remained expressionless, my eyes never leaving his. “what does that mean”, i said quietly.

“in 2008, zimbabwe suffered from hyperinflation because of a bad presidency. the president has decided to print more money to pay off his debt, but really he just worsened the state of his economy. the prices for milk or eggs doubled every 24 hours, reaching a price of over $1000. they tried to fix the problem by...”, my mind drowned out the words he was saying, or rather i couldn’t keep up. i have no idea what zimbabwe is but i think that’s a country. i desperately hanged on to every word he said, trying to understand him.

“do you get it now?”, asked spence after another minute of him explaining . i nodded my head rapidly. ‘not really’, i thought. i looked down at my phone and scrolled past the article, wanting the topic to end.

“do you really?”, he asked, his eyes trained on me. “no”, i said as i bursted out laughing. “you lost me at zimbabwe”, a smile rose on his lips.

“what didn’t you understand?”, he asked with a small smile on his face. i loved how willing he was to repeat himself to me.

“honestly spence, just leave it at that. there’s a reason i dropped out”, i said jokingly.

“you dropped out of college? what were you majoring in?”, he asked interested. i started laughing harder than before, my laughter filling the room. his eyes searching my figure, trying to figure out what was funny.

“i dropped out of high school”, i said in between laughs, tears starting to form in my eyes. he just stared at my laughing figure, not knowing what to say or do. i scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around him.

“how do you feel about that? knowing your girlfriend’s a little dumby”, i said teasingly, resting my chin on his chest. a smile grew on his face.

“it’s okay, she’s my dumby”, he said as he buried his face in my neck. “that’s so corny”, i said giggling, running my hand through his hair. i started giggling harder when he started nipping at my skin.

“come on, let’s go teach you some math”, he said as he pulled away. he had his hand in mine as pulled me out of bed.

[depressedtransguy]

heyy don’t ready this unless you’re @angelwiththeblue-box or I’ll cover you in peanut butter so my dog will eat you and then spray catnip on your legs so my cats will shred them

Loki raced down the palace's steps with the heels of his shoes clicking against the stone, his formerly perfectly done hair bouncing and swishing around his shoulders from his speed, the gel undoing itself as he moved. He could practically hear his servant lecturing him later about making her do it again with only minutes to spare before the jousting. But that small amount of time left was the very reason he was racing down the stairs, headed toward the stables where he knew that the knights were preparing their horses.

On the first Sunday of every month, without fail, the Kingdom of Asgard joined together in their royal coliseum to see the knights battle and win feats for the public's entertainment. And, as the prince, Loki was expected to attend each one for its entirety. When he was younger he found it incredibly boring and complained immensely as an attempt to get out of it, but as he aged and grew into his deep attraction for men, he found himself leaning over the royal box's railing just to get a closer look at their bodies, imagining the sweat beading at their foreheads and muscles flexing underneath the armor, soft grunts released as their swords clashed together. Yes... he was very gay. Especially when the winners pulled off their helmets and waved to the crowd, revealing their ridiculously attractive faces pressed with dirt and sweat. Loki winked down at them, and they winked back. And when he was even older, from a mature teenager to young adult, those winks became sloppy open mouthed kisses covered under the cloak of night and hours of the prince being fucked from behind, his cheek pressed up against the rock walls that bordered the knight's sleeping quarters, bruises growing at his hips while his moans could be heard throughout the entire wing. He had been passed around by quite a few knights by the time he reached 24. Sometimes when one was pounding into him another one would hear and barge in to fuck his mouth.

But that was all before he met Stephen. Dark brown haired with some curling over his forehead, gray eyed, snarky, funny, beautiful Stephen. Yet another knight was he, but one that surprisingly hadn't fucked him yet. They came together around his 25th birthday when Loki was watching the knights practice sparring, and they were all tripping over themselves trying to impress him as usual. Their overeagerness to prove themselves like enthusiastic puppies was adorable. But that time, one stood out among the rest. Stephen. His moves were beautiful and smooth, almost angelic, yet still strong and forceful. He easily topped all the rest. Until, in the middle of their last fight, Stephen spotted Loki staring and biting his lip, and paused then to wink at him. But that stunt got him knocked down and defeated. Loki keeled over cackling.

The man who took him down during the wink-Jeff was his name-struck a strong pose when Loki's laughing had ceased enough for him to look up at the scene, thinking he had won his affection for the night since he had won the training exercise. But when Loki stood up he pushed right past him and kneeled next to where Stephen laid on the ground. Was it worth it? was the first thing he said. Worth winking at you? Yes, I'd certainly say so, was the first thing Stephen said. After that, the two started talking and spent the rest of the day together walking along the grounds to discuss their similar interests with some privacy. That was different than what the knights usually did with him, but Loki was the last person to complain about having someone let him rant about Shakespeare until he was pink in the face. The night took an even weirder direction though. After it grew dark the pair still stayed out to look at the stars for a bit until Loki started to shiver and Stephen offered to walk him to his room. Now that Loki was used to. 'Walk you to your room' was a term that he was familiar with before his nails were tearing holes in his silk sheets. Loki assumed that's what was happening as he found himself backed up against his bedroom door with one of Stephen's hands holding his as the other cupped his cheek and him leaning in. But right before their lips touched, Stephen raised Loki's hand and kissed his knuckles with the whisper goodnight Your Majesty. Then he vanished down to his quarters, leaving the prince confused, irritated, and horribly turned on.

As weeks passed of the pair flirting yet no sex happening, Loki rejected every other knight's passes in his chase to get Stephen. Ironically, Loki despised those stories about how when one party (usually a man) deprived the second party (usually a woman) of either sex or a relationship, and then the second party wants them more. He found them gross and pretty misogynistic. But Stephen was being caring and sweet and kind, not jerkish and neglectful like those stories usually represented the guys, and he was just keeping him teetering on the edge of their relationship taking that step further. It was undeniably hot. Especially as the other knights got angry with Stephen for depriving them too of something. Loki. But he never stopped until once, at last, after a ball that Loki hadn't particularly liked, Stephen and him slowly danced in the empty hall with him in a small green party dress that he prayed would make the knight finally make a move, bodies pressed together from shoulder to hip, and they kissed for the first time. It was electric and soft and groundbreaking and knee weakening and drugging and Loki never wanted it to end. But they had to part for Loki to be shoved against the wall and fucked up into. They didn't even leave the room, Stephen told him that he needed to claim him in public so that everyone would know who he belonged to. At the moment Loki just whined and dug his nails into his biceps, yet somehow when Stephen kept grabbing and kissing him in public, it was even hotter because he meant it.

Especially when it was around the other knights. To try to make Stephen jealous in return for their own envy, having lost their pretty fleshlight as he and Stephen dated, they'd (in deep detail)described their past sexual experiences with the prince at any chance they could. But it never worked. It just made Stephen makeout with him more publicly, grab his ass more, and purposefully fuck him in places where they could be heard or seen by them. Loki was exhilarated to belong to someone who loved him to such an extreme extent.

So, every first Sunday of the month since their relationship had started almost a year prior, Loki wished Stephen luck before the jousting event began. Stephen swore he was his good luck charm. But that day he had overslept, so he was on a time crunch for meeting him. That was why he bounded down the steps, burst out the cast doors, and bolted across the plush lawn (thankfully only tripping once) until the stable was finally in reach. A chorus of whistles and shouts rained down on him as he shoved open the rickety wooden door with his shoulder and went inside.

"Calm down boys," Loki called back slyly as he moved further in, immediately making his way to the stall labeled 'Levi': Stephen's horse. "I'm owned."

As soon as he was close enough Stephen (who looked unfairly sexy in his armor) wrapped his non-sword wielding arm around his partner's waist and pushed him up against the wall, tucking the weapon into his sheath on his belt while he kissed Loki stupid. "Damn right you are," he whispered against his lips with a cocky smirk that made the prince giggle. "I'm glad you're here, I was worried you weren't going to make it. We're leaving in only a few minutes."

"Like I would ever miss this, darling. You'd lose horribly without me."

Stephen chuckled lightly and pressed forward to give him a more pushy and bruising kiss. "I won your affections though."

"First place. No contest. So I suppose you do have that going for you."

There was something just incredibly wonderful about declaring their love in front of so many men who had all plowed Loki like a field. Their heated stares made the couple's kisses only more passionate. But, eventually and unfortunately, the coliseum's bell sounded, signalling to the kingdom to start gathering for the event since it would start soon enough. So with one last adoring kiss, Stephen effortlessly swung over his horse's back and snapped his reins to break him out into a trot. Loki giggled again and gave him a small wave as he passed.

There he stayed in the stable, a stupidly giddy smile on his face as he watched Stephen vanish into the distance, only running back to the castle once all knights had left toward the coliseum and he knew he was most likely royally screwed.

And he was right; as soon as he burst back in through the doors his father was there-already dressed and ready-to scold him. "Loki! Where the hell have you been? The carriage is already ready, the bell has been sounded and- oh of course you're not even dressed, and your hair is a mess. Go upstairs and get fixed up- quickly. You have five minutes or we're leaving without you," Odin lectured, picking apart the flaws he already knew about one by one. But Loki was only really caring when he got to the threat. As previously stated, he didn't really care for the fights when he was younger, so the ultimatums then were more about not letting him bring his books to distract himself during the event. But as he grew gayer and Odin caught on that he actually liked it then (although he didn't know why), he started warning for the opposite.

Even though Loki was technically an adult, he still had to listen to his father as the king, so he jumped up the stairs three at a time until he finally reached his oversized bedroom on the top floor. His servant was already waiting for him.

"Oh, Loki, your hair!"

"Yes, yes, I know, I know, Darcy, could you just fix it really quick? I have five minutes."

She huffed loudly and was most likely not going to be gentle, but she motioned for him to stand on his dressing platform as she pulled over a stool nonetheless, other servants joining in to dress him quickly as she cleaned up his untamed locks. "I have no idea how you do this every time, I feel like I do this six times a day," Darcy grumbled as she climbed up on her stool, bobby pins held between her teeth and a brush already ready. The three other workers collected his clothing items for the event and started to help strip him down, then helping him fasten the new and exceedingly more fancy fabrics to his body until he was acceptable done up. Gold embroidered green jacket, stupidly tight but alluring black pants, matching boots, and a black cape colored in yellow underneath to match his mother. A minute or two after they had finished Darcy's work came to a close as well, ending up creating a small bun at the back of his head with two braids following from his hairline to the knot, and two loose pieces of hair framing his face in the front. "There we go," she murmured as she lowered his crown onto the top of his head and pinned it down. "Now if you screw this up, I will make all of your hairstyles from now on uncomfortably tight. You understand?"

Loki nodded as he patted the sides of his head, observing himself in the large mirror before them. He knew she wasn't kidding. "I'll do my best."

"You better." The two gave each other a faire la bise as a goodbye and he thanked her and the other servants before he slipped out of the room, hurrying down the steps once more with the same goal of seeing his boyfriend, but with the poise and grace that he was forced to keep in order to maintain the outfit and hair.

Odin still huffed when he reached him though, although this time Thor and Frigga were with him. "Finally. Now let's go, we shan't be late." Loki only smiled at his mother while rolling his eyes at his father as soon as his back was turned. Thor just avoided eye contact all together, them still not talking about when Loki walked in on him sleeping with the stable boy with fewer brains than Thor's childhood rock collection. But, despite the differences, they made their way down the steps and climbed into their designated carriage as a family.

Although Loki's mind wandered as soon as the horses' reins were snapped.

I wonder how Stephen's doing.

~~

Seated in the royalty box with his mother, father, and brother all seated to his right, Loki bounced his leg in impatience, waiting for the games to officially begin and for Stephen to come out. Right then they were just prepping the area and a few spare knights were fighting. None of them Stephen. When he was a bit younger, older than when he was disinterested but before their relationship, Loki was certainly more invested in all of the event over just some of it, imagining either what they'd done to him or what they'd do to him for each one, but just the pure rush and excitement he got from seeing Stephen do... anything certainly made up for everything and more. But for now that feeling was withheld from him, and he'd have to wait. Stephen did always like to make him wait. Called his impatience cute and covered his body in hickies until he declared that he was whining enough.

Loki breathed deeply through his nose and pressed his thighs together and attempted to change the mental subject, being in front of his family for that matter, although his exhibionism wasn't really helping him to calm down.

Thankfully though he did manage to relax enough to pull a small book of Shakespeare out of his pocket and distract himself with the ridiculousness of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to wait until he was able to have Stephen all to himself in at least four hours. Jousting, sparring, chariot racing, etc etc, as well as the following cleaning up and Loki being able to escape from the royal grasp would unlikely take any less time.

Stephen had actually told him two nights prior as they lay in his bed, legs and fingers intertwined, that he had something special planned for them after that specific Sunday event. Loki questioned what it was, but the knight had just grinned and told him that it was a surprise. No matter how much Loki pouted he still wouldn't tell him. Cruel is what he had called him while also allowing Stephen to cover him in kisses.

But Loki did enjoy the element of surprise. Although sex was a pretty wonderful part of their relationship, the romantic element was something that he did thoroughly enjoy too, both getting something secret prepared for him and getting to prepare something secret for his partner filling him with a true boyish excitement that he hadn't experienced in years- if ever. His leg began to bounce in a more positive way. He was already thinking up what to do in return. Loki wanted him and Stephen to just keep giving each other romantic surprises for the rest of their lives.

A trumpet suddenly blasted from above and Loki was shaken out of his thoughts, forcing him to look up and observe the beginning of the event instead of thinking about the life he wished for him and the knight to have together, but the negativity of the interruption immediately washed away as he saw Stephen walk out into the arena to the roar of the cheering crowd, helmet tucked underneath his arm with his gorgeous smiling face presented to the world. Loki grinned from ear to ear and immediately leaned forward to get closer.

Despite their distance Stephen noticed him as he turned to wave at more of the crowd, casting a small wink up into the stands, making a few country people screech and squeal, but Loki knew it was just for him. Stephen told him it had always been him, ever since he first saw him, he being 19 as a beginning knight and Loki being two years younger at the time. Loki had felt bad at first for not remembering that, but Stephen had comforted him by saying he had his helmet on, so he wouldn't have been able to recognize him by face anyway. Then he kissed him until the prince was left breathless and grinning.