#gansey and blue are still travelers but now they have degrees that they are so so psyched about

[lots-of-fandoms-ps-help-me]

finished greywaren.

[toast-the-unknowing]

What are the #thots on CDTH?

This is begging for one of those “edgy/depressed/dumbass bitch/thot/bastard” memes, but sadly you sent it to someone with no patience for slapping together graphics, so you get a lot of words instead. Behind a cut, for length and SPOILERS.

I really enjoyed this book, my reactions to most of the additions to canon were positive, it felt a wide range of emotions while reading it and upon finishing I found that it had knocked me sort of off center in that way where I don’t want to write anything ever again, or read anything, or really do much but stare out of windows. I know that feeling will pass, but I’m soaking in it for now. I haven’t yet discerned if there are going to be any substantial changes to the ways that I write these characters, when I write these characters again.

I loved Ronan in this book, which was a relief. I had been a bit worried that Maggie intended for him to end up as Lonely God Ronan, isolated and just too damn special for the rest of humanity, but it now appears that is very much not the plan. It hurt watching him be trapped at the Barns, wanting something different from life and not knowing how to get it, and it was amazing to watch him forge a connection with someone new and find the capability that he has to help other people, instead of just kind of thinking of himself as the fuck-up.

Holy Shit I felt emotions about Matthew, that was unexpected and unprecedented. Fuck did that boy make me sad. I am greatly looking forward to seeing where his story goes, now that he actually has one. I want some quality Matthew & Jordan dream duo bonding time.

I want, just, quality Jordan content in general, I love Jordan, I need more of her, she was wonderful.

Hennessy leaves me cold, but I had a very similar reaction to Ronan until most of the way through The Dream Thieves, so I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and waiting to see what happens in the future.

HOLY SHIT I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT DECLAN.

It did crack me up that it literally took one page for the book to start talking shit about him, but I also found the whole “Declan is deliberately, crushingly boring” idea interesting. It surprised me but still makes sense in retrospect, which is the best kind of surprise. I hadn’t pictured him as the kind of guy who would go to work and let people snap at him and call him by the wrong name, but I think my understanding might have been a little closer to the version of Declan that still thought he could have Senator or Congressman in front of his name. I think Declan might be the character I most have to reconsider, but I’m happy with how he was portrayed here and I’m looking forward to doing that reconsideration, and to seeing what happens to him next in canon.

God but he just continues to be the hardest working brother, and he still fucks it up, but he doesn’t want to fuck up, but he just shouldn’t have to deal with all of this shit, and ow, ow, my heart.

I adored Declan/Jordan and every moment where she delights in surprising an honest reaction out of him. “I see the real you when no one else does” is EXACTLY my kind of ship.

I had really wanted this trilogy to force Ronan to reexamine his understanding of his father, but getting to see Declan do some actual work on processing his pain is fantastic too. I love all of the moments where he admits that he hates Niall. It fucked me up so bad, because it’s like he doesn’t want to be thinking or saying it but he just cannot keep it in. It’s like his emotional nightwash, but he doesn’t get to dream it away.

@comicsohwhyohwhy​ and I once discussed the problem of Ashley, and we JOKINGLY suggested that maybe the Ashley from TRB and the Ashley mentioned in TRK are two different Ashleys, that maybe Declan has just dated a string of women named Ashley, and then we had a good laugh about how absurd that would be, and I cannot fucking believe that that has turned out to be canon. I am oddly delighted with this development.

I am happy with the Adam content that we got and with the size of his role. I felt like the book did a good job of honoring his importance in Ronan’s life, letting him be present and matter and affect Ronan (and disagree with him in productive ways where they didn’t just argue and where he wasn’t just Declan 2.0), while still keeping him in a support role, since that was apparently the goal. I’m unclear on what kind of role he’s going to have going forward, but it looks like he’s being set up to have some kind of character arc, with the “Adam is lying to everyone who knows him” situation, so I really do want that to pay out and go somewhere, even if he does continue to be a supporting rather than featured character.

That whole Harvard situation breaks my heart: Adam’s friends think that his family is wonderful and that his boyfriend is a violent drunk. I can’t imagine any interactions around that that aren’t fucked up. Adam having to defend Ronan to his friends any time he comes up, but not being able to tell the truth, so he just sounds like he’s making empty excuses for someone that’s bad for him…which is something that he has in fact had to do, but not about Ronan, about the parents that all of his friends are “jealous” of him for having. Fuck. FUCK.

I loved every mention of Gansey and Blue. I can understand why Maggie doesn’t want to include them as characters, but that could have easily ended in a situation where they’re just…noticeably absent, and instead we got this, confirmation that they still talk to their friends and love them and are involved in their lives, plus we got A+ Gansey-texts-like-an-old-man content.

I enjoyed Farooq-Lane a lot just from a standpoint of being an ordinary normal person who gets put into a weird as shit situation and then…continues to be an ordinary normal person who has ordinary normal reactions to things. I find that kind of shit fascinating – it’s the kind of thing that makes for great comedy and improv, but it can also be very effective in drama, and we really got to see a wide range here.

What. the actual. fuck. is up with the New Fenian and Mor O Corra. Like I mean okay the Lynches have to live through all their parent trauma again, yeah I get that, okay Niall apparently made a dream double of an actual woman he’d slept with which like, wow I didn’t think Aurora could be retroactively creepier but damn if Niall didn’t find a way, blah blah I get all that. But like. What is – what is that relationship, exactly? Between them? Niall’s ex made a dream copy of him, too, but like…as a kid? Or one that doesn’t age? Has Mor O Corra out-creepered Niall Lynch? What the actual fuck is up with those two. I almost don’t want to know. I kind of love being this weirded out.

Bryde is really goddamn tiresome. I am expecting he’s going to turn out to be a villain and honestly that can’t happen fast enough for me. Although I  anticipate that we’ll see Ronan buying into his crap more before that happens, so, it looks like we get to look forward to a lot more overblown insufferable monologues about how “special” we are and how we’re better than those gross boring mundane people. Blah.

I’m kind of disappointed that this is apparently a series where the stakes are THE END OF THE WORLD and where the protagonists have to fight a SHADOWY INTERNATIONAL GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION that can send ARMIES of WELL-ARMED HIGHLY TRAINED OPERATIVES to HUNT DOWN THE PEOPLE WITH SUPERPOWERS – this is 90% of all fantasy stories, and it’s boring, and I’m tired of it. I like that the stakes in The Raven Cycle are small but still immensely meaningful. What happens in The Raven Cycle if the characters don’t succeed? Gansey dies. Ronan dies and Matthew falls asleep. Adam doesn’t go to college. Blue doesn’t get to travel the world. The world doesn’t explode, but we still care so so much about seeing them succeed, because we care so much about those characters living and getting to build the future they want. That’s a thousand times more interesting to me than “we have to…[dramatic music, put on sunglasses] SAVE THE WORLD.” Spare me.

I’m still going to read the other two, obviously, and I’m not even really mad about this, mostly just rolling my eyes. But I expect that Maggie is going to use this plot device I don’t care about to do things emotionally and character-wise that I do care about, and that’s the important part.

There is one actual thing that pisses me off with this book, that I actively hate and wish was not a part of canon, that I will probably just ignore and pretend isn’t canon, at least once I have wrapped my head around the fact that it even happened in the first place: why the fuck does Ronan go to confession.

I was willing to accept in The Raven Cycle that Maggie had no interest in doing anything with the fact that she had made the Catholic character and the gay character the same character, because Ronan is actively figuring himself out in the course of that series, because there’s so much else going on in his head and his life that I can buy that religion isn’t his top priority, because hey, I kind of liked that the series wasn’t one more Sad Story About A Sad Gay Who Is Sad Because Homophobia. I can accept a Ronan who goes to mass every week because that’s family time, because that’s tradition, because that’s what Lynches do.

But going to confession – with some degree of regularity! – is not going through the motions. When I was a Catholic school girl and an ALTAR SERVER who went to mass twice a week, confession was still a “maybe once during Lent, if we get around to it” kind of deal. What the hell does Ronan say in confession, exactly? He’s not confessing to the shit that he actually feels guilty about, playing god and creating life, because that’s a secret. He’s not confessing to the thing that he’s getting told every week is going to send him to hell. So what is he doing there?

This ceases to be “skipping past homophobia so we can just have a nice happy gay story for once (or at least a story that’s unhappy for other reasons)”. This is firmly into “deliberately and cruelly ignoring the real pain and suffering that the Catholic Church inflicts on oppressed people every single day” and I think it was a grave, grave misstep.

So my super general #thots: loved it, largely positive, some things I’m iffy on but excited to see where they go, a couple of plot elements/characters I don’t care for but can put up with for the sake of all of the good, one big negative that will probably feature only very very sparingly in canon.

[blueseyforthesoul]

Take Me Home, Country Roads

2.5k, rated T

“Morning, Jane,” Gansey smiled down at her as she doctored her coffee in the breakroom.

“What do you want?” Blue answered without looking away from her cup.

“Who says I necessarily want something?”

Blue sighed and looked up from her cup.

“You have that face on,” she explained. “The ‘If I’m really nice Blue will give me what I want’ face.”

Gansey gave an exaggerated pout.

“The stage lost a great actor when you decided to become a dog trainer,” Blue laughed, but waved at him to ask his question.

“My ten-year high school reunion is fast approaching.”

“Congrats on being old,” Blue interrupted.

“We’re the same age!”

Blue shrugged.

“I need a date.”

“Oh hell no.”

“Please, Jane? I need someone who can abide by their nonsense and also make them all super jealous! Just for one weekend and I’ll never ask you for anything ever again!”

“That’s a lie and we both know it,” Blue crossed her arms over her chest.

Gansey clasped his hands in front of him and made his best puppy dog eyes.

“I’ll pay for everything, hotel, travel, dinner, you just pretend to be my girlfriend for a couple of events. Please? You’ll get to sass pretentious prep school boys! Your favorite past time!”

“It is not my favorite past time, it is just something I have to do a lot because they won’t shut up.”

“I take offense to that,” Gansey sniffed.

“Noted.”

“So, will you do it?”

“No.”

“Please, Blue? I can’t show up to this depressingly single!”

“Your relationship status should have no bearing on your happiness,” Blue retorted.

He just pouted back at her.

“When is this thing anyway?”

“September 15, a month from tomorrow,” Gansey grinned, sensing she was caving. “I’ll forward you the email with the dress code.”

Blue rolled her eyes.

“Fine,” she gave in like she always did at that pout. “But If I have to go clothing shopping for this I will kill you.”

“You are magnificent, Jane!” Gansey exclaimed, ignoring her threat.

“And you are bringing me coffee every morning for the next month.”

“Done!”

keep reading below or on ao3

Thankfully for Gansey, Blue did own clothing that more or less fit the dress code of the brunch and cocktail mixer to which she was escorting Gansey. She texted him that his murder would not, in fact, occur and largely put it from her mind.

The coffee each morning was nice though. Gansey hadn’t even had to ask how she took it, they ended up in the break room together often enough, she supposed. At least the training facility gave them good coffee.

The Friday before the weekend away, Gansey came by with the coffee, as usual, and asked if she was packed.

Blue thanked him for the coffee and patted the duffle bag beside the chair she was sitting in.

“Great. See you at 5, Jane.”

She waved him off and took a long swig of the coffee. She would miss the morning coffees. Just a little.

On the drive down to West Virginia, Blue nudged Gansey into telling him who she would be meeting.

“My best friends were Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch. They’ve been together since senior year and both keep threatening to propose but I honestly don’t think they ever will.”

“Don’t usually hear the word threat tied to proposing. But you do you, boys,” Blue chuckled.

Gansey grinned and continued onto an hour-long ramble about his various friends, acquaintances, teachers, and less-than-friendly classmates that she would meet the next morning.

“But Adam and Ronan are the big ones to know,” Blue cut in when he seemed to run out of people.

“Yeah, that’s probably safe.”

“What do they do? Should probably know if they’re your best friends and I’m your girlfriend. Or did you tell them it was fake?”

“Oh, no, they don’t know I’m bringing anyone at all.”

“Why not?”

“Ronan is a farmer, though he’s not what you’re expecting, I promise,” Gansey sidestepped her question. “Adam is a professor at the school we all went to, Aglionby Academy.”

Blue nodded.

When they got to the hotel, Gansey let Blue take the bathroom first and she gladly washed off the day and the car ride. It had only been three hours but she was glad it was done with.

As she ceeded the bathroom to Gansey she paused.

“What should I call you? Do I have to call you Dick? Because I don’t know if I can handle that.”

“Please don’t. Gansey is just fine.”

“Most girlfriends don’t call their boyfriends by their last name,” Blue pointed out.

“Most boyfriends aren’t named Dick,” Gansey retorted and disappeared into the bathroom.

“Sorry,” Blue mumbled after him. Must have struck a nerve.

When he emerged 20 minutes later with wet hair, his smile was back in place.

“Alarm for 8 alright with you? I’d like to get a workout in before this brunch.”

“Suit yourself,” Blue agreed from her bed.

Gansey nodded and climbed into his own bed. He fiddled with his phone for a few moments before plugging it into a charger and turning off the bedside lamp.

“Goodnight, Jane.”

“Goodnight, Gansey.”

~

Blue managed to sleep through Gansey getting up for his workout and only woke up when the shower turned on in the bathroom. She checked her phone notifications as she waited.

“Jane? Are you awake?” Came a voice from the bathroom.

“Mostly.”

“Um, I forgot to bring in a change of clothes. Is it alright if I come out in just a towel? I promise nothing untoward!”

Blue laughed. “Yes, Gansey, that’s fine. Come get your clothes.”

It turned out that Blue was not prepared for the sight of a half-naked Gansey, though. His skin was still damp from the shower and his hair curled adorably at the nape of his neck. And, holy shit, he had a six pack.

Blue quickly turned her gaze back to her phone, grateful her dark skin didn’t easily show a blush.

Gansey grabbed some clothes from his suitcase and disappeared back into the bathroom, while Blue gave herself a very stern talking to.

You are here as a friend, not to ogle your coworker, get it together!

When Gansey emerged a few minutes later, hair styled and fully clothed, Blue’s heart rate was more or less under control.

“So,” Gansey sat on the edge of his bed and looked over at her. “We didn���t really discuss boundaries for this. What are you comfortable or not with?”

“Oh, well, a little PDA is alright, but no kissing, please. Cheek would be okay. Hand holding. That kind of thing.”

“Perfect, exactly what I was going to suggest.”

Blue smiled at him, trying not to think about kissing him.

“Should we talk backstory?” She said to distract herself.

“Good idea. Met at work seems safe since it’s the truth. Together six months? Short enough that no one will bug us about long term plans but long enough it’s not odd for me to have brought you.”

“Perfect. First date?”

“Hmmm, we aren’t really sure, because we got lunch together all the time and then realized we were basically dating. But we count it from the first time I took you to dinner and kissed you good night.”

“Richard Gansey, who knew you were such a romantic?” Blue teased. It sounded like a nice way to start dating someone. It sounded like a nice way to start dating Gansey.

“Any other details I’m forgetting?” Gansey asked, a dusky blush on his cheekbones.

“That should do it. Any weird questions I’ll divert to you.”

Gansey studied his shoes for a moment, thinking.

“Thank you again, Blue. For doing this. I don’t know if I could face them all alone.”

“You’re welcome.”

The silence hung heavy for a moment until Blue began to climb out of the bed.

“Let me just freshen up and get dressed and we can head to the brunch.”

Gansey nodded and Blue took her clothes and toiletry bag to the bathroom.

When she emerged in a soft pink dress and sensible boots, her hair pulled back with a few clips, Gansey looked her up and down briefly then blushed and hid his face.

“Ready?” She said, ignoring him. It was for the best. They worked together.

The brunch was… awkward.

Gansey was asked what the hell happened to him at least ten times in the first hour, followed by offers to set him up with a “proper” profession four times, and given a strange stare before a change of subject thrice more.

Adam and Ronan were nice, though. They didn’t seem the sort to have been Gansey’s best friends, but she supposed he’d changed a lot since high school if his classmates’ invasive questions were anything to go by.

Adam had asked how he was doing and if he was happy and how he and Blue had met and all the appropriate questions. Ronan had hugged Gansey gruffly, told him, “You look good, man,” and let Adam do the talking, holding his boyfriend’s hand and running a thumb along his knuckles.

“So,” Blue asked when she had stolen Gansey away for a moment. “Is this why you didn’t want to come alone?”

Gansey nodded, pulling at his tie.

Blue touched his elbow softly. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Just keep making those eyes at me, the boys are all jealous.”

Blue snorted. She was not making eyes at Richard Gansey. Definitely not.

“Yeah, alright. Ready to head back in?”

“We should, they probably think we’re making out back here.”

Blue cocked an eyebrow and raised her hands up around his head. “May I?”

Gansey nodded, his eyebrows a bit furrowed, and Blue grinned as she mussed his hair.

“Now they really will,” she whispered conspiratorially, then winked, grabbed his hand, and led him back to the party.

Gansey followed.

When they had made it back to their hotel room, Gansey walked in and flopped face first on the bed.

“My God,” he moaned, his voice muffled by the bedspread.

“That was rough,” Blue agreed. “What’s it their business what you do, anyway?”

Gansey rolled over and stared at the ceiling. “Aglionby is a networking tool, more than it is a school. It’s about meeting people who will later help your careers. My mother is in Congress, Jane.”

“I’m aware. Didn’t think you wanted any of that, though.”

“I don’t,” he told the ceiling. “And the ones who knew me then, really knew me, knew I didn’t want to go into politics. But they thought I’d go into History.”

“That’s your degree, right?”

“Yeah. But I couldn’t do academia like that. It ruined history, to be a historian. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but--”

“Gansey, you don’t have to explain it,” Blue interrupted. “It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but you.”

“Thanks, Jane,” Gansey said quietly.

“Do you want to take a nap before the cocktail mixer?” Blue offered. “I’ll wake you in plenty of time.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

“Should take off your fancy clothes first,” Blue said, then blushed. She hadn’t meant it like that.

Gansey blushed, too.

“Another great idea from Jane. What will she think of next?”

“I’ll let you know. Go change and nap.”

Gansey smiled tiredly at her and went to the bathroom to change. He passed out quickly and Blue opened a book.

She soon found herself distracted from her book, though, as his soft snores began. She looked over and found him… God, he was gorgeous like this.

She glued her eyes back to her page. She was not here to ogle him. She was not. She was here to support a friend.

A friend who trusted her to fake-date him at his high school reunion, a very stressful event.

A friend who trusted her to sleep beside him and to nap in the bed next to her.

A friend she maybe, possibly, wanted to be more than a friend to.

When it came time to wake him, she didn’t want to. He had been so stressed and he looked so peaceful now.

“Gansey?” she called softly. He didn’t stir.

She stood and leaned down to touch his shoulder.

“Gansey? It’s time to wake up.”

His eyes scrunched shut a tiny bit before blinking open.

“Jane?”

“Something like that,” Blue smiled at him. “Time to wake up.”

Gansey groaned. “Do we have to go?”

“Well, no, but if we’re going to, you have to get up.”

“You’re too kind, Jane.”

Blue shrugged.

“You should probably get up either way, actually. But if you want to ditch, I’m down.”

Gansey finally opened his eyes all the way, studying her face. “You would, wouldn’t you?”

“I would what?”

“Ditch this ridiculous party and go on a crazy adventure with me.”

“I’m pretty sure this already qualifies as a crazy adventure,” Blue teased.

“Jane,” Gansey began, then shook his head. “Blue. You’re amazing.”

Blue blinked. “You’re not so bad yourself, Gansey.”

“No, you’re missing the point,” Gansey sat up, grasping for Blue’s hands where she stood beside his bed. “There’s literally no one else I’d rather have here with me.”

Blue felt her face burning.

“Gansey, I’m... honored but a little confused.”

“You’re kind and supportive and beautiful and I guess I’m saying, if you’ll let me, I’d like to take you on more adventures. As many as you’ll have me for.”

“Are you… what?” Blue stammered.

“Will you real-date me?” Gansey asked.

Blue gaped.

Gansey’s face fell.

“I’ve read this wrong, I’m so sorry, please forgive me--”

Blue, however, regained her senses and leaned down to kiss him, catching him mid-word and rather awkwardly ending up kissing his bottom lip more than his mouth as a whole.

She laughed and drew back an inch, tilting her head and leaning in again.

This time, Gansey met her perfectly.

It was exactly what she had though kissing Richard Gansey would be like. He tasted of mint and his lips were soft. His hands came up to rest on her waist and she threaded her fingers through his wavy hair.

When they broke apart, both of them were a little short of breath.

“I don’t want to go to this cocktail hour. I want to take you out properly,” Gansey mumbled against her lips.

“Okay,” Blue answered.

~

Monday morning, Gansey brought her coffee again.

“Is this a thing we do now?” Blue smirked.

“I thought perhaps I could trade a coffee for a kiss,” Gansey offered.

“I think I could be down with that,” Blue smiled, leaning up to kiss him.

When she had taken her first sip of coffee, Gansey seated beside her in the break room, he spoke again.

“I told Adam and Ronan about… well, all of it.”

“Yeah?”

“They want to meet you properly.”

“Is that okay?” Blue’s eyebrows shot up.

“Is it okay with you?” Gansey asked instead of answering.  

“Of course, Gansey. I want to meet your friends. I want to meet everyone important to you.”

“You really are amazing, Jane.”

She just kissed him again.

[cc-kouga-blog]

These Are The Days 2/9

For @quietrook

Adam had thought long and hard about where he was going for college. Adam had set his sight at Harvard Law School, but that was still a Bachelor’s degree away. In the meantime, he needed to think about his undergraduate. Adam was also realistic about his financial situation. It was easier to apply to universities which offer full-ride scholarship, but Adam was never one to choose easy. He sent out application to all the Ivy League schools. The practical side of him insisted for a fallback plan, so he applied to Duke as well.

The first acceptance letter that came was from Princeton. The next were Brown. Dartmouth and Cornell both waitlisted him. Yale and Columbia accepted. University of Pennsylvania waitlisted him too. Duke’s acceptance came with a full ride scholarship and Adam felt like he was on top of the world. He couldn’t stop grinning and Ronan couldn’t stop kissing him.

“I’m so fucking proud of you man.” He murmured against Adam’s lips.

Then on a Friday, the letter from Harvard came.

Adam’s hands were trembling as he opened it. He read the first paragraph.

‘Dear Mr. Parrish.

I am delighted to inform you….’

He got in. He was accepted to Harvard. And in that moment, Adam Parrish the student was on the verge of another dream come true. He was so overwhelmed he actually had to wipe a stray tear from his cheek. He couldn’t bring himself to read the rest of the letter.

Upon seeing Adam’s tear, Ronan had assumed the worst. He cursed and snatched the letter from Adam’s hand, intent of ripping it to shred after he read why the assholes at Harvard rejected Adam. But then his eyes widen and he whooped in joy.

“You got in! You fucking got in!” He laughed and peppered Adam’s face with kisses.

Adam could only nod and broke out in laughter as Ronan pulled him into an impromptu dance around the living room.

All in all, six of the nine universities he applied to had accepted him while the other three put him on the waitlist. It was pretty damn impressive for a poor boy who grew up in a trailer park in rural Virginia. His efforts had finally paid of. All the nights he went to sleep hungry and tired from working shift after shift, all the hours he put into studying, studying and more studying. All of that had culminated into this. Despite all the odds stacked against him, Adam Parrish came out the victor. And what a sweet victory it was.

***

Near the end of August, Ronan helped Adam load his stuff into the BMW’s trunk. After dropping Opal at 300 Fox Way, Ronan and Adam began their 11 hours journey to Massachusetts. Adam had downloaded the map onto his new phone, the cheapest one he could find. He also made note of rest stops along the way and reserved a room at a small bed and breakfast several miles from campus.

Ronan drove the first leg of the journey, his terrible music blaring out of the speaker. Adam put up with it for an hour before the pounding bass gave him a headache. He jabbed at the button and sighed in relief as the blessed silence fell over the cabin.

“What the fuck Parrish?”

“Your music is giving me a headache.”

“How do you expect me to drive then? You know I can’t fucking drive without my music.”

“With your eyes on the road, hands on the wheel and feet on the pedals?” Adam shrugged.

Ronan threw him a dirty glare and reached to turn the music back on. Adam caught his hand before he succeeded and brought it to his lips.

“Play something else.” He kissed Ronan knuckles and let go.

Ronan had to take a moment to compose himself. It was ridiculous how a simple touch from Adam always made him weak in the knees. Even before getting together, they touched a lot. There were elbows jabbing, knees knocking and shoulders bumping.

After their first kiss, those remained, but there were also the soft touches. Fingers running through hair, a caress on the cheek, lingering touch that trailed down naked ribs, and a firm but gentle grip around the waist. Even so, on the cherished occasions where they make out, Adam seldom kissed Ronan’s hand. Hands were Ronan thing. He could spend hours just worshipping Adam’s hands. So Adam kissing Ronan’s knuckles was a rare and wondrous thing. It filled Ronan’s chest with warmth and want.

“Fine. You pick the music. But none of those pop shit!” Ronan said after clearing his throat.

Adam had driven Ronan’s BMW often enough, he had his own mix CDs inside the glove box. He took the CD case out and flipped through the sleeves. He chose one and played it. A soothing new age music came on.

“Fuck Parrish! Are you trying to put me to sleep?” Ronan snapped.

Adam rolled his eyes but swapped it with another one. Ronan muttered a string of curses as the Irish jigs filled the cabin.

“I swear Parrish if you don’t change that fucking CD….”

Adam laughed and swapped it with yet another one. A lively folk song came on and Adam waited for Ronan’s protest, but the other boy stayed silent. Adam smiled and relaxed back to his seat. He turned to face Ronan and a sudden surge of fondness swept through him.

He raised his hand and ran his fingertips over Ronan’s jaw. Ronan leaned a bit into his hand but said nothing. Adam let his hand trailed along the side of Ronan’s neck, along his shoulder, the length of his arm. Ronan turned his palm and Adam slotted their fingers together. Adam hummed along to the music and a small smile graced the corners of Ronan’s lips.

***

They stopped halfway at a small rest area. There was a small burger joint with picnic tables scattered around it. Adam bought lunch while Ronan filled the tank. They sat side by side, thighs pressed together. Their shoulders kept brushing against each other, although they managed to keep their elbows to themselves.

Adam drove the last leg well within speed limit, much to Ronan’s frustration, but Ronan’s earlier speed had shaved 2 hours from the supposed 11 hours journey. They checked in at the b&b around afternoon then took turns in the shower, washing off the travel sweat.

“Do you wanna go out for dinner or just order something in?” Adam asked.

“Let’s go out and see the town,” Ronan answered.

“Okay. But let’s rest for a bit. I need to stretch out.” Adam fell back on the queen-sized bed and groaned in satisfaction as his back hit the soft mattress.

Ronan climbed in beside him.

“I can’t believe I’m here,” Adam whispered out of the blue.

Ronan knocked their elbows together. “Dreams do come true. I should know.” He had a smirk firmly etched on his handsome face.

Adam faced him and smiled. “Yeah. They really do.”

Something in his eyes made Ronan understand that Adam didn’t just mean Harvard. Then Adam’s expression suddenly shuttered and he turned to face the ceiling.

“What’s wrong?” Ronan asked, concerned.

Adam sighed but didn’t reply. He took Ronan’s hand in his and squeezed it tightly.

“Hey, come on now Parrish. Tell me.” Ronan insisted.

Adam stayed silent for a few minutes and Ronan was weighing whether he should push or just wait Adam out.

“I’m scared.” Adam finally answered.

Ronan scooted closer.

“The last few months have been great. We saved Gansey, graduated, I moved in with you and now I’m at Harvard.” Adam paused to gather his thoughts.

“Seems like everything is going well for me, and in my experience, good things don’t last long. I know I should just be content, that I should be happy, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Adam took a deep breath.

“I feel like I’m being ungrateful or something. It’s awful because I feel like there’s an expiration date to this.” He made a gesture that encompassed everything.

Ronan kissed his shoulder. “You’re not the only one who’s scared.”

Adam made to turn but Ronan pressed his face into Adam’s shoulder. It’s easier to talk about his feeling if he didn’t see Adam’s face. That way he could pretend he was talking to himself.

“Back in Henrietta, I could convince myself that I’m good for you, that I’m enough for you. But now you’re in fucking Harvard and you’ll meet lots of smart people. And I keep thinking, ‘what if he meets someone’s better?’ ‘What if he realizes he can do so much better than a high school drop out with attitude problems and a whole lot of baggage?’ ‘What if?’” Ronan shuddered and Adam felt something caught in the back of his throat.

“Ronan, no!” Adam choked out.

He rolled over so he could grasp Ronan’s face and leaned forward until their foreheads touched.

“Don’t you get it? There’s no one better for me other than you.” And even as he said it, Adam knew it to be the absolute truth. “We’ve been through a lot together. And there are parts of me I can’t share with other people. It’s not like I can say ‘yeah, I can do magic, and I got it because I sacrificed my hand and eye to a sentient forest, which my boyfriend dreamt up, have I mentioned that he could also pull things out from his dreams? And oh, I was possessed by a demon once. Also my best friend was dead, twice, but we resurrected him and now he’s traipsing all over the world with his girlfriend. And Henry’.” Adam added lamely.

It elicited an amused and pleased grin from Ronan.

“I don’t care if I’ll meet more people. I don’t care about them. And I don’t want anyone else, Lynch. I just want you.” Adam whispered fervently.

“Ditto Parrish.” Ronan said before he surged forward and took Adam’s lips between his.

It started hard and rough, both needed to convey all the desperation building up inside at the thought of leaving and being left behind. Then Ronan caressed Adam’s jaw and Adam gripped Ronan’s shoulder and just like that their kiss turned softer.

‘I’ll come back.’ Adam’s kiss said.

‘I’ll wait.’ Ronan’s replied.

Then Adam’s stomach let out a big rumble and they broke apart laughing. Ronan pecked Adam’s lips one more time before standing up and offered his hands to Adam.

“Come on Parrish. Let’s get some food into you.”

Adam took Ronan’s hand and they left their room still holding hands.

Later that night, Adam trailed kisses down Ronan’s back, leaving blooming red marks over his tattoo.

Ronan left his own fingerprints on Adam’s hips.