#geraldo ofmd

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Imagine you’re Geraldo. You are vibing being one of the malewives ever. And then one day one of the most cringefail men you have ever seen walks into your wife’s establishment, introduces himself Like That, tells Blackbeard’s first mate to tell his boss to go suck eggs in hell, breaks your wife’s nose jar, and then doesn’t seem to take the hint when your wife kicks him out and tries to do some sort of dramatic exit. You trick him into getting stabbed by the Spanish Navy and you figure he’s as good as dead, because if he survives the navy somehow, then Blackbeard’s gonna kill him and you think nothing more of it.

Then two weeks later Izzy hands walks into your wife’s bar and tells you that that cringefail guy in the white suit has not only survived, but he seduced and fucked Blackbeard.

[eternalgirlscout]

my favorite ofmd fan theory is that izzy is one of spanish jackie's husbands, primarily because of how much funnier it makes his one direct interaction with geraldo. imagine you are the most cringefail member of the polycule and when your toxic metamour who works for a pirate celebrity shows up you try to be nice to him only for him to insult your mutual wife's place of business and then ignore you completely to have a pissing contest with a guy who just drank nose jar juice. and your aforementioned wife still likes him better.

[most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer]

Before the Swede:

After the Swede:

-------

HELP Stede and the kids working for Spanish Jackie was already hilarious to me and then I rewatched s1e6 and realized there's this little exchange between Jackie and Geraldo before Izzy arrives:

Geraldo: So, I was thinking, um, should we serve food? Be a whole other revenue stream, you know? A theme night, or maybe a Singles Night-- Jackie: Shut the fuck up. I don't pay you to think. Food means kitchen, menus, waitstaff. You think I wanna mess with a waitstaff? You think Jackie don't have enough overhead as it is?

and they fucking gave it to us! Hostess!Stede, bouncer!Wee John, bartender!Olu, Buttons playing in the live band, Roach calling 'order up', Black Pete cleaning a plate off a table, and there's even a scene about overhead costs:

which makes me really hope that this bit from the end of the trailer is ✨Singles Night✨:

[greenmantle]

Our Flag Means Death → A Gentleman Pirate

[theorderofthetriad]

poor geraldo was just trying to tend bar and now he's stuck in the scene of an elaborate and messy courtship

[dimity-lawn]

[sherlockig]

[dantemegau]

OFMD recipe book #1

new hyperfixation acquired: the food and drinks mentioned/seen in Our Flag Means Death

Since I am procrastinating I might as well write up some of the recipes for you. Hey, they might be useful for any season finale parties you are planning.

Today we are starting out with

POORLY MIXED DRINKS more specifically:

Lime Ricky

Blood

an assortment of teas

bonus: somewhat creative interpretation of Juice from the Nose Jar

LIME RICKY more commonly known as a Lime Rickey, but don't tell Prince Ricky

time: 10 min difficulty: easy makes: 4 glasses recipe stolen from: https://www.thespruceeats.com/lime-rickey-908792

ingredients:

240 ml lime juice (freshly pressed if you are fancy and/or a minor prince)

70g of sugar (because of who I am as a person I refuse to acknowledge the existence of simple syrup, which the original recipe uses instead)

400ml seltzer water

lime wedges for garnish

steps:

combine the ingredients in a pitcher - really I don't know what took Ricky so long

add ice to 4 glasses if you feel like it

garnish the glasses with lime wedges if you so please

pour from pitcher into glasses

BLOOD edible fake blood

time: 10 min difficulty: easy makes: 300 ml recipe stolen (pirated, if you will) from: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/edible-fake-blood

ingredients:

1 Tsp cornflour

45ml cherry juice (or water)

250g glucose syrup

red, blue & yellow food colouring

steps:

mix cornflour w/ 1 Tsp cherry juice in small pan

add remaining juice & syrup

gently heat (low), whisk well to combine

remove from heat

add generous amounts of red colouring

add small drops of blue & yellow, stirring well in between until colour pleases you

alternative idea: you could also make a (virgin) Bloody Mary. Ya get it? Because Mary? (yes, I am very funny- thanks for noticing). You have the internet, you can figure out how to do that if you so choose :).

TEAS comes in the flavours: Sleepy Tea, Dishwater & Co-captains' Morning Tea

time: 10 min difficulty: easy

ingredients:

for sleepy tea:

chamomile tea bags

a towel

for Dishwater:

Earl Grey tea bags (or any other "soapy" tea)

for Co-captains' Morning Tea:

any tea you feel morally capable of pouring milk and sugar into (recommendation: lavender tea)

a dollop of milk

seven sugars (yes, I know - it would not be the same with six. But drink at your own risk and use critical reasoning)

steps:

boil water

make tea

if making Co-captains's Morning Tea add milk and sugar

if making Sleepy Tea, serve with towel

BONUS: idea for some nutty nose juice this idea isn't fully thought through but the best I could come up with that would taste nutty would be an almond chai latte. Do with that information as you please.

[ipomoea-batatas]

Geraldo knows some guys but they only deal with refined types like yourself

[braveheart-evan]

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH

SEASON ONE ➤ 03. A Gentleman Pirate

[eldkrind]

tapas means little plates 😊

[galacticfo-ol]

SHE'S COMING BACK TO US

[nicnacsnonsense]

The funniest thing about Geraldo’s lie about being impressed by the way Stede handled himself with Jackie, is he could have just said he was impressed by the way Stede handled himself with Izzy. That’s a totally believable lie! Stede just told Blackbeard to go suck eggs in hell; it would fully make sense for someone to see that and conclude that Stede had balls for days. But he instead he claims he was impressed by the way Stede cowered in terror from the lady with the knife in his face. Like, no shame in that reaction, but it’s not impressive.

[greenmantle]

Our Flag Means Death → A Gentleman Pirate

[angryfeckerjackal]

he’s my special submissive boy, i do want him to be my husband

and as you may tell i had a crush for fred bc of snl

[laceratedlamiaceae]

New pointless headcanon: Izzy and Geraldo are exes. That's why Izzy hates going to Jackie's even though he and Jackie are besties. They had a brief, passionate affair that ended when Geraldo left him for Jackie and Izzy was so devastated that he swore he would never love again.