#gerard is a liar the way we are all liars. i think this is interesting tho being it fits the confessional nature of their lyrics/persona

[sendmyresignation]

to me the hes alien 2 thing has never felt like a lie, moreso an honesty in the moment that changes and gerard never corrects which is much more how gerard operates than outright being a liar. like gerard almost certainly was planning on another album but, after looking at the poor warner support/understanding of hes alien (esp refusing to emphasize its britpopian nature to a british audience) he very specifically switched to singles (rolling stone article around germs/baby your a haunted house heavily alludes to warner being the reason for the shift in music format) and then outright pivoted to comics -> the plan changed/gerard is too willing to voice a thought or future that is not set in stone

[thoughtsofatransboy]

"Forgiven"

Priest!Gerard x Ftm!Reader

Warning: NSFW, Dark content? Grammar mistakes I'm not a native English speaker, Probably doesn't make sense cuz i don't have a clue of what people do in a Catholic church, Religious guilty, Sin confession, Religious mention (what you expected? It's a priest), kinda of blasphemy? (Idk, you're fucking a priest inside the church, is it blasphemy?) Ftm reader, low-key dysphoria mentions. (Ignore Frank lol)

Synopsis: You're a low-key religious ftm guy, Father Way is the only one who understands you and don't judge you by your gender, but how can you confess to him when he is the one in your sinning thoughts?

"Here i am..." You said, finally arriving the little church. Despite you being trans, you still kind of religious, anytime you think you sin, you feel a necessity to confess, but this time you went too far.

The sin of Lust. But you made it WORST. You were fucking desiring a priest, the local priest, the only one who supported you on being yourself. You were feeling horrible, but what could you do? Father Way was the hottest guy you ever seen, the way he moves, the way he talks and the way we calmly listen to you everytime you need to confess.

You see Father Way, when he looks back to you, he goes to you. "Hello Son, need to confess again?"

You nod timidly, nothing else to say. Trying to figure out how to manage through this situation, how could you confess to him when he's the reason you sinned? Well, it's not like you have time to think now, he's already leading you to the confessional.

As you sat down, he noticed you were very nervous, in an attempt to calm you down, he said "Calm down my dear... Tell me your sins, you will be forgiven... There's nothing in the world that you do that can't be forgiven. The tone he said it could make your body melt right there, it's not your fault that he's so sexy even while trying to be modest, isn't it? Oh... How could God forgive you when you are sinning inside his own house? Inside the church?

"Dear? Are you feeling nice?" Father Way's voice breaks your mental focus, now you know you need to start it or at least say something. "Sorry Father, I'm going to start..." You left out a pity and anxious sigh. "I've been lustful... Filthy thoughts... And about someone i shouldn't..."

"A married man?" It was the worst he was expecting, honestly. "No... E-even worse" Father Way raised an eyebrow... suspecting of who could be the one making you have naughty thoughts.

"Then? Who is it?" You swallow it hard, getting more and more anxious. "A...a p-priest. I-i visited another church last week and-and i met a young priest and he's...cute" Fuck! You're a horrible liar. "hmmm... I see, i see... I'm not going to lie, it is a pretty bad sin... But you can receive forgiveness, just don't do it again and pray asking God for forgiveness, He will listen to your plead, I'm sure"

"But father... i-i..." You shut your eyes down, trying to breath but you couldn't, the guilty was too much, some tears started to roll down by your face. "Father... the... priest... is..is..." You decide to tell it, if you didn't the guilty would eat you alive. "You! You're the one in my thoughts! My worst ones"

Way was impressed, the confessional was suddenly silent but after some seconds, that felt like years, he smirked a little "Oh sweet boy... What a bad, naughty boy... you've been getting all aroused because of me?" You blink three times in shock, you really hope you aren't dreaming...

"F-father... what are you saying-?" You're more nervous than before, happy that Way's teasing you but shy at the same time. "Oh... You know very well what I'm saying" He stepped off of the confessional cabin, getting closer and closer to you, the gap between you and he is very little. He started to kiss you jaw getting closer to your ear "Want this? Couldn't lie... I've been a little interested in you too... But you're probably happy with it, aren't you? Don't lie" You could only nod. "Great" without you noticing he was already with his hands all over your waist, pulling you closer to him.

"I'll fuck your sins out of you, 'kay? So you get satisfied and won't do it ever again... You so shy today... Where's my brave boy?" You couldn't hold it anymore, you pull him into a kiss, a deep and lustful kiss. You guys separate it after some time, in the need to breath. "There he is! There he fucking is..." He started to kiss and suck in your neck, whispering praises to you "Such a sweet boy, so pretty, so handsome... You're very handsome, aren't you?"

You could only whine and moan while he attached your neck, but you wouldn't let it go this easily. You pushed him, making him enter the confessional cabin, once he entered it, you didn't thought twice before sitting on his lap, now your time to suck and kiss his neck, licking and holding tight on his shoulders. "Oh my God boy... You gonna kill me this way.... Argh!" Way tried to hold his moans, too proud to let them out. You grind against his lap, making friction against his bulge, the bulge you only noticed now that he sat down. You kissed him deep once again, harmoniously wrapping his tongue with yours, it was a messy and sloppy kiss, but one full of desire.

"Aaaa...Mmm.. okay boy! 'kay! Got it dude... you're in control, Kay? Kay?" You smirk, happy that he finally admitted it. "We need to be quickly, soon we'll have a mass..." You got in your knees, already pulling out his cassock. Once you removed it, you already started to kiss and tease his bulge, once you remove his cock from the boxers, you look at him, with a naughty smile, his cheeks all flushed and his breath hot.

You kiss and lick the tip of his cock, taking the opportunity to massage his balls, his cock throbbing crazily and his moans echoing around. "Yeah! T-that's my dude... A good cock sucker... Mmm... My little cock sucker, thank you... Argh! Thank you.... C-can i suck your dick too?" You stopped your sucking, glaring at him, nodding as quick as you processed the information.

Way put you on his place, crawling between your legs, unbuttoning your jeans and pushing your boxers down. The groan he left out was nothing but pure carnally desire. "What a pretty dick... What a pretty hot hole... I love it" He started licking delicately over your t-dick, kissing and sucking making you melt in pleasure. "Can i finger you? D-do you like it?" You nodded, Way inserted two fingers into your hole, not focused in being quick but in touching your sweet spots. He felt you clench hard around his fingers, he giggled silently, going back into sucking your t-dick. "Good... You're going to cum for me, huh? Gonna cum for me handsome?..." You finally reached your climax, moaning high and shameless, for a second being grateful that the church was empty today.

Your legs were a little shaking, so he put you on his lap a little, stroking your hair. "Forget that shit about being quick...my handsome...so good for me... You were incredible..." He kissed your cheek and kept stroking your hair. After some minutes you both decided to take the next step, he stroked himself a little, rubbing against your entrance. "Shh... Shh... I'll take care of you handsome, i promise" He pushed it into you slowly and delicately, like he was touching a piece of glass. His firsts thrusts were deep and slow, letting you adjust to him and afraid of hurting you. "You too tight... Oh God..." He started bucking his hips into yours, his thrusts getting faster and faster, you bucking your hips down on his too, increasing the deepness and the friction, you both left out a cracked moan. "F-Father... Oh my gosh... You're so good... So hot..."

You guys muffled each other's moans with kisses. "I love you Way! I love you..." you bucked your hips particularly harder this time. "Thanks handsome... i love you! I-i love you too....!" You're reaching your climax along with him. "Aaaa! D-dude... Gonna c-cum on my cock sweet boy? I think you really sh-should!" You clenched hard around his cock, finally cumming. He didn't lasted that long after you finished, he bucked his hips one last time before cumming inside you. He kissed your lips with a soft sigh. "You're incredible... I'm happy to have you... So pretty and hot.." you giggled a little, resting your head on his shoulder. "Forgiven" you both crack in a laugh, he stroked your hair a little more. "I'll help you to get dressed, the mass will start very, very soon... When it finishes, I'll bring you home and we'll cuddle together, okay?" You only nodded, pecking his lips while he helped you to put your boxers on again. You left the confessional cabin, taking a seat waiting for the mass to start. Smiling silly everytime you locked your eyes into his, now you're deep in sin, but really happy.

[chemnections]

What are your thoughts on the fourth TUA season?

i just finished bingeing it and am in the processing phase right now. my very first impression of it is i didn’t hate it, but i am disturbed by the ending.

suicide isn’t the answer. and the world is better with you in it.

it is so disheartening to see this sort of ending on a story about a dysfunctional and abused family - it sends the message that it never gets better. but it can get better - it truly can. and maybe they were going for more of a nihilistic approach, a “life goes on until it ends”, maybe a classic “all the characters have settled down and had family’s and lived to an old age” was too “boring” of an ending for the weird interesting umbrella academy. that all the characters “tried” to have normal lives but never achieved 100% happiness at all times because that’s not what life is, life is hard and we don’t have the answers why. but imagine watching the first season for the first time then having the ending spoiled that they never truly worked through the dysfunction than they all committed suicide as a group - because they had “no choice” but come on they didn’t go down fighting and it was written so that they “wouldn’t have a choice” to justify it. but it is what it is. as an untreated teenager into nihilism i probably would have found it profound. but as an absurdist treated adult, this messaging horrifies me.

and they know it’s fucked up because they made sure to save the kids - because that’s a step too far (even though had would their kids exist without them ever existing?). as if orphaning them isn’t horrible and traumatic. and then to display them happier than they were before with their parents. . . sure they had their memories erased, but that doesn’t save trauma from missing parents even if they are loved and taken care of. asked people who never knew their parents, or even people born out of an egg/sperm donation. most do wonder/want to meet their birth parents.

one potential saving grace that has yet to be seen is if by killing the umbrellas, gerard is putting the narrative of mcr’s dysfunction, shade and break up to rest. i am hoping.

and it does worry me how this theme appears in gerard’s current art. it worried me when they released foundations of decay. “from his own hand his spirit flies”. i hope he has found a place of stability and relative happiness and these themes are retrospectives from a past dark point.

and before i get messages saying gerard doesn’t write for the show, imo he does have great influence over the show and that steve blackman consults closely with him. they are past the point of original material. i’m seeing quotes saying the rest of the writer team wasn’t onboard with the ending, but blackman was determined. the actors thought he was joking. if it really was left open to the writers and producers to decide the narrative of i think the brainstorming would have been a much broader conversation as it does take several minds to build upon someone else’s world. tinfoil hat on, i think blackman asked gerard what ending he wanted.

i actually like that lila had an affair in the sense that i was worried they were going to have her marriage and kid “cure her” of her lying manipulative ways. that actually marriage and being together would “cure” both diego and lila of their ills and problems which they would hold above everyone else. so maybe that’s why i like this season generally, it did subvert my expectations in a good way. because in a real sense diego had to learn that when you get into a relationship with a liar, that they don’t stop lying. and that lila wasn’t going to stop being cruel because of love. and fuck, lying that stan was his kid isn’t something he should have forgiven. he should have seen the signs and walked away. so i kinda like how this season roasts him a bit for his own inaction in his own life and his audacity to complain about it. like the line “lila said you couldn’t get pregnant when breastfeeding” - he should have educated and verified that for himself instead of playing the victim as if he didn’t participate. life just happens to him. and they barely showed the additional two children - but they are twins.

lila cheating with five was foreshadowed in season three. it was something that really stuck out to me. when diego asked confused what lila and five were doing together when she was in the bath. scene in the bath in general. “i’m shaving my nest you perv” - quote just off of memory. i thought it was a very weird suggestion, especially thinking of who those characters are based on. i brushed it off as being a fucked up fantasy being put in, maybe to piss someone(s) off. but now it can be seen that it was setting up the groundwork for the affair. i guess i should google how old aiden gallagher is, maybe they were waiting for him to come of age before putting his character into a relationship.

i have seen a steve blackman quote saying they wanted to put five into a relationship, but if they wanted more romance how about something established or star crossed lovers storylines they already had - like klaus and dave, or not have ray abandon alison for no apparent reason given. they also had ben. or kept sloan alive. or they could have brought back deloris because people did accept that way more than they did luther and allison. but there may be a practical availability and budget side to this.

and so many repeating themes along then way. the piss bottle lol.

still very much collecting my thoughts on all of this, would love to hear other people opinions!

[lucky-bishop]

Now I'm curious what you would say about Peter's position in the narrative? (and I'm totally on board with what you said about Derek btw.)

I mean, yes he was kind of the tragic villain in S1 but especially later?

Okay, strap in, because I have a lot of feelings about Peter Hale and it's gonna take me a while to talk through all of them. Thank you for this question though! 💖

I believe that Peter is a tragic villain in S1 and S2, a reluctant ally for S3 and part of 4, a straight up villain/antagonist late in S4, absent in S5, and back to a reluctant ally for S6. I'm just putting this up here to refer to because Peter does not have a single role in the narrative that is consistent throughout the series (he's a slippery little shit like that).

So let's start at the beginning: S1. Peter is pretty clearly the villain in S1 and S2. S1 - there's a little more sympathy for him (not expressed in the show, but from an outside perspective). He was the victim of a horrific crime, and then abandoned to die by his remaining family. He is not sane. If that happened to anyone, I don't think they would be sane afterwards. It's not made incredibly clear, but it seems that Peter's level of consciousness in the coma varied a lot (especially as related to later events). To have no sense of time, to only know pain both physical and mental (his body burned, the loss of his entire family and pack) and have no release, no way to express it - yeah. Peter's a hell of a tragic villain.

What he does in S2 is...less tragic, and more villainous, even though he's not the primary villain of this season. This is where we start to see more of how manipulative Peter is (though we definitely catch a glimpse in S1 where he's trying to get Derek and Scott both to join him). What he does to Lydia is unforgivable. He's already assaulted her physically, but he then, in parallel to his own suffering, assaults her mind. I wish we had a better understanding of how magic worked in TW because it's difficult to assume how much of this is directly Peter's choice. He glimpses Gerard Argent with the kanima and nopes the fuck out of there purely out of fear and self-preservation.

S3 with the alpha pack and the nogitsune is where we finally start to see a more complete picture of Peter - and it isn't pretty. He's manipulative. He's a liar. He's sarcastic and petty to a bunch of teenagers. But he is their ally, even if it's reluctant. He shares information - for a price. He helps - when it benefits him, or at least doesn't inconvenience him. The only time he seems to help without these things is when Stiles is possessed by the nogitsune, and even that can be interpreted as a continuation of self-preservation.

S4 is where things get complicated and also they fucked up with Peter for me. Not with the benefactor storyline - I think that turning out to be related to his coma madness was actually incredibly interesting. Even an unconscious Peter is a manipulator. But working with Kate - even if he was going to double cross her in the end - and trying to kill Scott didn't make sense. It's pure villainy, yes, and maybe that's why they did it, but it doesn't fit the Peter that we know. He would never have agreed to work with Kate. He dedicates his entire life to killing everyone involved with the fire - but especially her - in S1. He's willing to die just to kill her. And then they team up? Nah. Trying to kill Scott for his alpha spark is more reasonable, but I still don't quite buy it. He knows he wouldn't have taken over the pack, or escaped, or accomplished whatever other goal. That's where it's unclear - what, exactly, is his motivation for wanting to become an alpha again? Just...power? Peter loves power, don't get me wrong, but

S5: my man is imprisoned in Eichen and then immediately gets kidnapped by the wild hunt when he gets out. Nothing for his character arc but handing him a fat L honestly. He kinda deserved it.

S6: now this is where things get complicated again but in a better way. Awesome that it only took them the entire show to get to this version of Peter (I guess that's the point of the character arc. but I wanted more of this Peter). Peter has fully succumbed to the wild hunt until Stiles shows up (and I have a lot of Steter thoughts about this but that's not what this post is about. anyway.). That magic is strong, since the Peter we've seen clings to life so desperately that he tears it apart with his claws all the time, but he is docile here. At least until he wakes up - then it's back to fighting to the death to escape and to live. He's - surprise, surprise - manipulative here once again. The clearest example of this is when he encourages that guy to try his plan just to watch him fail and die. But when he gets back - he tries to help Stiles and the others. His selfishness makes a return when he goes to get the fuck out of Beacon Hills (which, honestly, fair) but it is an interesting turn that he tries to convince Malia to come with him, is it not? The narrative has told us Peter doesn't care about other people, family more than included. Seems he didn't get the message, in the end. And speaking of 'in the end' - he stands by the pack. He very nearly dies (again!!!) because he stayed to help. It's an interesting end for a character as complicated as Peter, for sure.

Peter is selfish and self-serving and manipulative and honestly just kind of a dick to a bunch of teenagers for little reason (teenagers are annoying, yes, but dude. you're a grown man cut the sass a little). And he's my favorite special little guy, even if the narrative doesn't really care about him until the end of the series and only barely then. Peter is, if I had to sum it up in one term, an infrequently justified villain with some hinted at soft spots that I would've loved more exploration of. Let's pretend that's one term. Like I said, he's my favorite, and I had a lot to say. I hope this sums it up well!

[captainpufferfish]

LIVE REACT LIVE REACT LIVE REACT

(this is my second time around watching this cuz first time I was screaming too much so eh but yeah)

i love the format already the art is amazing and adorable and I love it

ok I feel very called out with the you too thing

roman!!! virgil!!!!

oh no they angy

THE OLD JOKES IM-

ok ro virg lay off him

oh the Roman angst is kicking the fuck in

the chorus of liar I stg

"*insert Shakespeare here*" "what?" "cutie at 12 o'clock" I LOVE THAT

the amount of gay this episode radiates is me whenever im pining over a cute girl and I feel vERY ATTACKED

I love how the 'liar' goes from an accusation to just,,,, "I'm not interested." "liar."

"we don't know if they're not gay" me all the time because quarantine fucked with my gaydar

THE STICKER PIN SYSTEM AH YES IM WELL AWARE OF THIS

BUT THATS A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME

the "oh. my. god" is so on point

ok mr sand I see your primary goal for this video was just to call me out

the way Virgil can't sit up straight really resonates with my soul or some shit

I may kin virgil now just because of this ep

for some reason this virg has big pre aa vibes and I can't really explain why he just,,,,does, u feel?

the art style is a👏or 👏a👏ble

TEH NEWS REPORTER DESK IM FUCKING DYING

"oooooohhh"...."ooooh" just the transition from yay to nay is so great

"good points guys! I don't want me to be doing this either!" ladies and gentlemen the volume in this bus is astronomical

I'm very familiar with the five second rule

"gay,,gay,gay,,,HES GAY" no shit sherlock

speaking of sherlock where the FUCK is my smart son

"no man!" "uhm, it's ro-man. with an r." CATCH ME KINNING ROMAN'S HIMBO-NESS

better listen to Virgil he's an xxexpert

ROMANS "EASY TIGER" OH MY GOSBDHJWNS

"gay eyes?" "gay eyes" honey those barely work hate to break it to you but I have tried and tested with no good results.

"you were tESTING ME?" "oh no I wasn't testing you I was just panicking" same virgil same

"I hAte To RaIn On YoUr BlAcK PaRaDe, GerArd gAy-" solid reference 10/10

oh my god the stand up sit down thing

"youre making a mistake!" "if I am, I'll add it to the list!" roman, honey, no no no stop if you keep talking bad about yourself im gonna physically fight you

"I don't know, pLAaNT" LSHAJDNDHAG

THE PLAY ALONG THING IM GOING TO DIE OH MY GOD

THE TRASH CAN OH MY GOD THOMAS

this is so sad alexa play despacito

can we get some likes for this fallen soldier 😔

the bird metaphors oh my fucking god

"that's like cyber stalking, but in. real life!" "so,,,stalking" "...OH YOU'RE RIGHT!!" don't worry Virgil I too forget that the outside world exists it's okay

THE SPEAKING FROM THE HEART THING AAAAAAAA

JSHDJSBBSJDBSHSBJSBHA OH MY GOD NICOS FACE WHEN HE COMES OUT OF THE STALL IM DEAD I AM DECEASED

the terrified gay look that they all have is so my aesthetic

terrified gay™

"I was just running lines in the mirror" thomas oh my god why no stop please like dude fuck stop

NICO CAME BACK FUCK YEAH

"AAAAA WHAT" "HE WAS AFRIAD YOUD LEFT?" "HE FEARS THINGS TOO???" yeah virg I think everyone fears things

the sheer gay panic of Roman and Virgil yelling at thomathy to do different things at once is so strong i could feel it thru the screen

"ANACONDA! THOMAS, HE'S A NIKKI MINAJ FAN!!" wow

no he left nooooo

NO ROMAN DONT BE SAD STOP IT WHEN YOU'RE SAD IM SAD

again, I am but a humble Logan kinnie waiting for my smart boy, but also as a Roman kinnie I'm getting the fuel I need

you can bet I'm writing some Logan angst about this tho

VIRGIL YOU HAVE GAINED SO MUCH RESPECT FROM ME

YOUVE MOVED UP IN THE RANKS OF MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS GOOD JOB YOU LEVELLED UP

so proud that the purp man wasn't a bitch (virgil stans this is a JOKE please don't come for me)

i've only had nico for an hour but if anyone hurt him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself

BOYS ARE HAPY YES GOOD

I am respectfully fan-enbying very hard rn

SJZHSJSA THE BIN METAPHOR

the himbo energy of thomas accidentally outing himself as the one who ran into the bin is just me

hi yes mr sanders you stole my vibe give it back

ROMANS FACE WHEN THOMAS SAYS HE HAD A BRUISED EGO SWANSGKWW

"well let's not waste this one" hhhhhhh I want a girlfriend please and thank you

this has just become me making fun of c!Thomas's gay pining while gay pining

the chorus of "shut up" from red himbo and purp himbo makes me hapy

serotonin check

THE END BIT WITH LOWKEY PRINXIETY VIBES HAS ME SO SOFT

oh my god guys the prinxiety shippers are gonna go WILD I feel it in my bone marrow

"shut up emo" IM SO SOFT SKDHISNSD NO STOP IT THOMAS I WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING ANXIOUS AND FULL OF RAGE

roman's so happy when he says the old joke, I think to myself, momentarily forgetting that pof was a thing and that princey is still v sad

nice patreon promo

AAAAA THEYRE HERE

the happy flustered "oh my gods" make me happy because that's just me whenever I succeed at something

the screaming is just me after the wholesomefest that was this episode

OOOOOH V'S EYESHADOW IS PRETTY ANS SHINY AND PURPLE I LOVE

oh no I've claimed that I dislike virgil and now I'm going soft oh ew I'm going soft

I'm still angry at him for threatening my smart boy but he's better now

I need somewhere to direct my anger this is bad

ANYWAY

"huh! delete it now." ME EVERYTIME I TRY POSTING A FIC SKNXISBSHSA

oh no his eyeshadow went back to the void

I'm always up for some blackhole eyeshadow but the purp was pretty and shiny and crow brain went brrrrr

"yeah! join me, no thinking!" your local himbo, more at 9

"I'm gonna need you to shake your hands" my brain whenever anything good happens

"GAH, DEMON" Florida man thinks dog is demon, terrified every time it barks

"DONT TELL ME TO RELAX" me after this video

thanks for coming to my TedTalk

[insert-some-nice-emo-pun]

this is about the lynz drama

i didnt wanna write this post

when this shit first started i told myself im not gonna say anything about it cause a)i hate drama in any form and b)no one cares about my opinion

but today i got so fed up with everything ive seen on twitter that here we are

im just gonna kind of explain what happened and share my opinion i guess? and feel free to share yours in the comments as long as you respect other people

so everything pretty much started when someone asked lynz about people accusing jimmy urine of sexual assault

(first of all why would they ask lynz?like i know theyre in the same band but still shes not responsible for his actions)

her responese mightve indeed seem strange, like she was defending herself tho nobody attacked her and it overall felt kinda off

then the whole argument started (most of the tweets are deleted now so its kinda hard to find out what exactly happened)

so first thing im gonna adress is how everyone seems to be "cancelling" her for saying you shouldnt believe victims, but what i understood after reading all of her tweets was that she said always believe victims unless you know theyre a manipulative liar and i think theres actually nothing wrong with saying this? please correct me if you think im wrong but i dont really find this problematic (the tweets are at the end of the post!)

i know that the first tweet, the only one that isnt deleted seems really off and she defo couldve answer better and you can critize her for this but i think she thought the person who asked her was reffering to smth jessicka said which kind of explains everything

jessicka has been saying messed up things about lynz for years, so i think we can understand why she reacted in this way

now why dont i believe anything jessicka says?

because she always talks how she has "a proof" that lynz said/did smth but she never actually shows that proof

even now, when lynz mentioned her in one of her tweets she responded yelling about the proof but didnt actually say anything new

one thing ive learned while being in different fandoms and stuff is never believe that someone said/did something unless you have a video of them doing so or they confirmed it on their offcial account on social media

if she really had the proof, why dont just show it to people?

now the second big thing that happened was the whole family thing

people have been talking about her family situation for years (im more of a new fan so i wasnt here back then so please correct me if i make a mistake here or anywhere in the post)

what we knew before is that she cut off her mother and sister - she didnt want to talk to them nor send them money

her sister claimed it was because they arent rich or famous

now scroll all the way down again to see the tweets

her mum and sis recorded a video responding to this

now this is totally subjective opinion of mine, but i got really bad impression from watching their vid and things they said later on twitter (search for amy greene on twitter, youll find everything there)

now you can believe me or not, but i have experience with this kind of family situations

my opinion on the subject is that when it comes to family problems no ones really innocent but sometimes things get so messed up that you shouldnt really judge people based on that

we basically get two sides of the story, and i believe that both of them probably got some things right, but im gonna stay on lynzs side

i 100% understand cutting off fanily memebrs, even as close as your mother and after watching this video i felt really sorry for lynz (again its just my opinion, but the things they both said about lynz reminded me so much of the situation from my family)

ive seen a lot of people bringing up that they said nice things about gerard, so they must be telling the truth because if they wanted fame theyd go after him instead or smth like this

i disagree with this opinion because its once again a behavior i know

noone said anything about gerard before

the whole thing was only about lynz

so why would they even bring him up?

well imo if their intentions were clear they wouldnt say anything about him at all, because what for?

if they said anything bad about about him all of the fans would attack them, get mad, and maybe not believe the rest of their story, so it was in their interest not to talk shit about him

but why did they say nice things? (ITS JUST MY OPINION PLEASE IM NOT SAYING I KNOW IT) 90% of people who would watch the video are mcr fans. and what is the best way to gain someones trust? be nice to them. say nice things about their idols, interests etc, its a known trick and its really manipulative. again i dont want to accuse them but it just seemed really off to me, and it also makes lynz look even worse, like if theyre trying to say that everyone here is nice and shes the only bad person around (yet again something i know really well)

so in my opinion they only talked about g to have mcr fans take their side and if its true its really manipulative but its just my opinion and i totally understand if you dont agree with me because i have no proof for this

i think this post is coming to an end so i want to say that i believe lynz is a good person

not a saint, not perfect, but not someone we should cancel or hate on

you have a right to dislike her, i understand and respect it, same with everything i said here - i accept that you disagree, you can write me a comment about it, just please dont spread hate

i hate going on twitter and seeing all of this drama

i havent been following her for a long time, i wouldnt even call myself her fan, but ive always seen her being really nice to fans on twitter and interacting with people a lot, well ive heard people talking about her being mean to fans in the past but i couldnt really find any concrete proof (video of that happening, im sorry but i really dont believe in posts from fan accounts from years ago)but im not saying it never happened, if you have a video feel free to send it to me

i doubt anybody read all of this, but thank you anyway

also here are the screenshots i could find

feel compeltely free to share your opinion in the comments, i sure will read it but im done with this whole drama

i just needed to get this off my chest after seeing all these people going crazy on twitter, im sorry if some parts dont make sense or have any kinds of mistakes, english isnt my first language and its also really late now

[doomedandstoned]

A Rendezvous with Moscow Doomers Train To Elsewhere

~By Sound Animal~

Photographs by Makhmud Podzhigay

This is a momentous occasion for people around the world who appreciate Stoner Doom Metal and its hybrid forms. The Russian Train to Elsewhere has been solid all along. Then, on May 21, 2021, they played live at Peak Sound Endless Misery Doom Fest, revealing their new lineup to the public. And it’s absolutely astonishing.

On June 9th they released the audio as a bootleg. Lead guitarist Maria K. "Gerard" integral to the band all along, now debuts the recording of her vocals, which intertwine with the lead vocalist, Anna Utopian, who also plays keyboards and stepped in to replace the previous vocalist. On drums we have M'aiq the Liar, Olga on the rhythm guitar that keeps me going and going with this band, and on bass, Anton "Vargtimmen" Bryukov. Their previous singer, Denis Generalov, is no longer with the band. We’ll miss him and always appreciate his massive contribution to the previous demo and album. I’m glad to see that in the wake of his moving onward, the band didn’t falter. In fact, this new era of Train to Elsewhere is electrifying.

Live at Peak Sound (Official Bootleg) by Train to Elsewhere

Their sound is hypnotic and contemplatively atmospheric. The excellent drums are pared down to the essentials, as the best Doom drums are. The slow lullaby groove takes us into the imaginative liminal world of Nod as if we’re on a sleeper car bumping over the metal tracks, hypnagogic images combining the forest landscape outside the window with the mind inside. They play everything at a slow, minimalistic, heavy pace, never giving into the egotistical show of shredding to demonstrate just how fast they can play meaningless notes. No, conversely, every note matters.

Anna Utopian’s expressive vocals are consistently strong and delicious, beautifully doing justice to the intense lyrics while she creates Eastern atmospherics on the keyboards. Rarely does any Metal band have so much female representation within it. All the women in this band come across as authentic, being purely themselves as much as the men are, which can be a challenging project, considering the objectified roles they are so regularly expected to play on stage in that particular genre. There are no distracting displays here.

This ability to be genuine is not surprising with this low-key band, though, as they are not about surface level of life. Instead, the music provokes profound speculations and nuanced states of consciousness. It was Anton’s articulate brilliance in interviews that first locked me into their work.

When Maria sings, I stop moving completely. Until she’s done. Only utter stillness will allow the cilia in my ears to vibrate with the kind of desperate attention they require when encountering my favorite female vocalist. I wasn’t expecting that. No one told me. But I’m telling you, Stoner Doom fans. You must listen to this band that has something to say, and you must prepare yourself for Maria’s one of a kind voice. Words don’t do it justice. It’s the low beneath low. Her throat allows everything through, not just part of the frequency of life. All of it. The inflections indicate so much nobility in the depths of life that surely no one could take living for granted again.

First, I’d like to ask about that slow groove that’s consistent through the songs. I’m curious how the different band members feel that movement within their bodies. As a loop circulating through the body, a sway side-to-side (like bumping over train tracks underneath), a sleepwalking headbang, a standing spiral? Perhaps the way they feel the groove move through their bodies changes song to song.

Maria: We’ve never rehearsed our on-stage choreography or something like that. It comes naturally from our perception of the music. I can say, I like the heavy, powerful low-tune sound of traditional Doom. I like the sound of our guitars, amplified and enhanced with stage gear, going through bodies of musicians and audience. I think the sound should fill all the possible space it can, changing it in its special way.

Anton: For our band it’s very individual, some of us stay more or less still, others move to the music, whichever is more comfortable. It’s an interesting question because movement to music and dance is a very early part of human culture in a way it’s ritualistic. Although we never rehearsed stage movement it’s interesting to see the connection with the audience in that light. It’s great when some people dance to our music and move to it.

Anna: Generally, when I’m playing on stage or rehearsing at the studio, I feel some kind of special energy coming through my body. Especially when I sing. I begin to feel very inspired and optimistic about everything around me. I don’t really rehearse my on-stage choreography; I just have some clear ideas about what I have to do on some of our songs. So most of the time I just improvise my on-stage movements. Also I enjoy having that special connection with the audience, it’s an unforgettable experience, especially, when you’re playing on stage and see the people dancing to your songs and even starting to sing any of your songs that you’re playing. That’s when the magic happens for me.

Olga: I felt this only after I became part of the band – the feeling of the unified space with a group of people. When I listen to our music I can almost see how our melodies combine with each other, winding and supporting each other. Seems like their directions and weight are not less material than stage equipment. And our bodies move with the space movement. In this context I like “The Path” most of all – it resonated with me first and still makes me sway to its rhythm emerging in my subconscious in everyday life. I like both versions of it – with Denis and with Anna on vocals, which feel very different.

I love that about the unified space and the melodies themselves playing a tangible role within it. And the rhythm arising from the subconscious. And Anna feels energy coming through her – I feel a tangible effect from that! What scales are you most fond of? Is that part of the particular Folk element of your Doom that creates that tonality? Are there any folk melodies that influence any of the songs? In what ways does your location influence you?

Maria: I’m fond of northern folk, especially Finno-Ugric music, also I try to look at our music from different dimensions, adding Eastern tonality (Arabic, Turkish, Jewish music), as well as blues riffs, chromatic and classical minor scales, influences from Southern and Eastern European folk tradition… Our “Nortern Summer” is a reminiscence to native Karelian folk tunes, and “Mothir” is our adaptation of Icelandic folk song.

Anton: The idea of our project was to express through the language of Traditional Doom some of our folk influences. Yet we are not a folk band in a traditional sense of the word; we try to incorporate those melodies a bit more delicately, but they are very important.

As for the location it has a great influence on us from the vast forests to the existential gloomy culture and literature, we are shaped by this as musicians. As for Finnish folk it is an important part of our culture which sometimes flies under the radar when people are talking about Russia. For instance, Russian poets of the XIXth century with their gloomy and even Gnostic outlook on existence are a big influence for the Russian language texts of our first album.

Anna: I feel inspired by nature. I like spending some time in the forest. In terms of music, I usually prefer songs in minor scales; I like songs that sound not so depressing, but emotional. For example, I like adding some French coldwave sound to our music, as well as some blues rock.

Olga: Here I agree with Anton. The country’s history defined the distinct visual component of our surroundings, inspired by the folklore ideas and concepts we faced from early childhood, it nurtured in our minds the tendency to reflect and the idea of complicated intricacy of life, even its wholeness in imperfection. Maria shapes those images in multilayered sincerity, bringing the ideas into reality.

Samhain by Train to Elsewhere

What is the composition and arranging like for these songs? Do they ever arise from improv jams? Is it mostly one person’s vision per tune? Do the words or riffs tend to come first? Are you most interested in getting across specific meaning through the lyrics or in something else, like creating a subtle mood that goes beyond words?

Maria: Most music comes from improvisations and jams. Sometimes it happens that I bring raw material – several riffs and text – and we try to combine them into a song and repeat it till it seems ready. Also, we have some texts and some jam records that could fit together – so, why not make a song out of them. The needed mood appears when the song is almost ready and we try to play it slower or heavier or faster, add keyboards and guitar solo elements – that comes out of practice.

Anton: My personal contribution is mostly the bass parts in terms of composition, that’s all I do. But sometimes I can advise the band to play slower and heavier, as well as bring in some references from the underground doom scene. Also, I write some of the English-language lyrics like our title track from the debut album Samhain, which has been influenced by folk horror films like The Wickerman (1973) and British classical poetry.

Olga: Most of all I value the moment when the composition is almost finished, when the main direction is defined, but the result can be changed in unexpected ways with new fragments. Then the experiments begin, making us closer to realization of the plot, and I like the way each of us adds his sound to the final feel of the composition and atmosphere.

I like that you call it a plot. Stories really do arise from the subtle nuances within the music itself, whether there are lyrics or not. What emotional process would you hope listeners go through with these paganism-referencing songs? Is there something subconscious about the ancient primal archetypes that can serve people even if they don’t think about those mythologies in their ordinary lives?

Maria: Every song has its own references, atmosphere and path to lead the listener through. Of course, when the full song structure appears in your head, it’s a powerful inspirational impulse.

Anton: I would like to add that myths are powerful archetypes in our subconscious. We like to work with that because the modern world is not concerned with authentic myth and we want to help the listeners experience them. Of course, the interpretation of the myth is psychologically different for every individual but there are important patterns.

For example, facing death and mortality has been approached differently in different cultures. And aesthetically the pagan myth is very poetic and it fascinates me. The main themes of the lyrics are the recognition of one's mortality and different aspects of death -- on "The Path," mystical dark field of pre-Christian pagan tradition in "Samhain" and "Mothir," Gnosticism in "Ashes," omens and symbolism in "Silent Guard," romanticism in "Where you live," and pagan beauty of nature in "Northern Summer." The title track "Samhain" was inspired by a cult folk horror film The Wicker Man (1973) while also referencing the original pagan roots of Halloween -- Samhain.

Olga: The concept of mythology and paganism is the great mirror for the human soul, referring to times, when there were fewer concrete facts and the whole world consisted of trembling windings of human fears and desires.

“Trembling winding of human fears and desires.” I love that. Back before we could fact check everything in a search engine, reality was more amorphous, full of outrageous possibilities, eccentric cutting-edge experiments. Would you like to tell us about Sigil of Time? Is there a mentally different approach to folk music in that one? Some of you are able to participate in that band. Does it feel like a new compartment of the self opening up, like a new realm of a room that you can inhabit? How is that room decorated differently than the room in which Train to Elsewhere sleeps and dreams?

Maria: First material was recorded about ten years ago as my solo project, then we collaborated with Anton for a rather long time – but never released it till spring 2020. In this project I can release my vision that cannot be expressed with a heavy band. Usually, I create meditative multi-instrumentalist soundscapes in a much more intuitive way; most of them are instrumentals or vocals that don't carry any lyrics. Often the recordings wait for some time to be reviewed and even corrected a bit before releasing. Anton records a bass line and manages different synthetic and noise parts. To talk about the room: it’s for chamber music and solitary thoughts.

Anton: Sigil of Time was mostly our experiments with post-industrial dark ambient and dark folk music as well as some field recordings. We didn’t plan to release it to the public but our label Kryrart Records encouraged us to share our music with the world. It’s more of an abstract stream of consciousness inspired by dreams and visions but some lyrics and melodies which ended up in Train to Elsewhere were first composed for Sigil of Time so the two are interconnected.

What were the mechanical methods you used to get the post-industrial effects? That’s intriguing: I’d be curious to hear about any specific dream or vision that inspired a song.

Maria: Sigil of Time is mostly based on acoustic instruments (especially guitars), as we could mention earlier. We use it for recording guitar pedals and post-production with different kinds of distortion and delay, octavers and reversed echoes, also adding such things as different samples, raw analog synthesizer sound… In different periods of time Sigil had a tendency to explore various sources, while anthologies unite tracks from earlier times.

Usually, a song starts from the feeling of total clarity, when the idea of lyrics meets the image of musical sketch, giving a whole plan of what to do. It changes several times while recording, usually each part is improvisation, keeping only several repeating moments. Mixing inserts its corrections, and when the song is almost ready, I leave it for several days, returning to it later with minimal changes.

Anton: As for Train to Elsewhere we use techniques common for recording traditional doom metal. Maybe one thing that sets us apart is that we use the sounds of the amps and their built-in distortion power rather than custom distortion pedals for pedal boards. We want to capture a primal raw sound of early rock and metal. About dreams – before writing the lyrics to Samhain I saw a dream in which I was in a vast endless autumn forest as far as I could see. The forest seemed very old, even ancient; later the dream inspired me to write the lyrics to Samhain.

We would like to thank you for these wonderful interesting questions, it was great answering them. We’re very glad and honored you enjoyed our music so much.

Follow The Band

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[bilgisticallykosher]

Prediction for this episode; REMUS TIME! That's it, that's my prediction. 

Okay, and Janus is going to be involved this time (see previous post). Not sure of the status of Virgil and Patton's relationship…Let's see, Roman was really confident and relaxed in the first Asides, so I'm placing the Distractions episode in like early season three, if not in between two and three, so I'm prepared for it to be more volatile. Okay! Thumbnail impressions. 

Oh my gosh I love everything about it. First of all, anxiety! That means Anxiety! And there's Virgil. And! The little, cartoony, uh, definitely Virgil and Roman, and I'm not sure who the middle boy is. Is that Logan? I don't see a tie, maybe it's Patton. Although, is that a beard?? But the subtitle!!!!! That's amazing. I feel like I know that style. Bed In The Morning artist? Gosh, I'm in love with this already. 

Oh, flirting, not like flirting with the idea of social anxiety, like, 'how do I flirt when I have social anxiety?' Okay okay. Roman's face in the thumbnail, oh my gosh. Also, can I just point out that last time the team was like "Haha, yeah, the Asides were only supposed to be ten minutes, they'll be shorter next time." 

ONWARD!

They call me Sanders, oh boy. Was. Was that his flirting? OH! It's essential to the overall story? Huh. Fascinating. Now I'm even more excited than I was! And hey, yeah, Ellen Kelley, I was right about the artist! And ABD, nice, Brei Grace, also very nice! Mazel tov, all three of you! Noooo, I totally want to see it in live action, too, but money...Hnrg. Oh well. I'm already screaming about the little promo just now. It's Roman versus Virgil again, looking to be like My Negative Thinkingish. SALT! YES! That got me way too happy...

Flirt or Fight, ahhhhhhhhhh. Haha, yeah. That's really not a big deal. Hey! As someone on the other side of the counter, we do that stuff, too. I ask "Anything else?" a lot, and then once customer responded, "No, that's it, thanks." So of course I said "You're welcome, may I get you anything else?" And it took me three seconds to realize.

This was not an isolated incident. I do it so often. Anyway. R+, senior, haha. PFFFT, Roman. Oh, the senior was an intentional thing, not just a joke. And look! They agree!! "He's in his 30s, he might as well be 60." I'm going to be quoting that so often. 

NEW SCENARIO! Thirty times a day again. HAHAHA, I love Roman. Omg, I love all this. "I'm not stinky." Oh, hm. A lot of liar accusations. I wonder where in the series this Asides takes place… Suddenly flirt mode activated. "We don't know that he's not gay." Point for Roman. OH that's the glasses and beard guy. Okay cool. Ooooooh, that last sticker. AND I got that Blink-182 reference. Nice! More introvert clues. Roman's old jokes are great. Sticker button system. Pintrovert, nice. Commentating! "Now I'm telling you you're being a freak!" Ha, Jack-y. I love their banter, IT'S THE MILLENNIUM PUZZLE AHH, oh cool, and there's gay. Their very different reactions to this is also fascinating. Boiled...mayo carrots? 96, because table 69 would've been too obvious a joke…………. But it would've been Remus-y. Roman. With an R. Gay eyes? Oh I'm so glad that Virgil asked, I wasn't sure if that was actually a thing. RIP the artists having to animate gay eyes. 

I just. He looks so much like Picani. Oh, no, he looked behind himself! The You Failed voice is excellent. Haha, nah, I was just panicking. I… call bs on that actually being a lie. Yeah that just means he likes basketball. Oh man. This. Oh. No. No, this is not ending well. Gerard Gay. HA, yes, Thomas apparently. Forget pulling his heartstrings, they're pulling his arms. 

THOMAS, NO, YOU DID NOT JUST WRITE ROMAN THE LINE "I'll add it to the list" oh my gosh, how could you???? Okay, I laughed way too hard at "I 'unno. Plant!" Oh this is definitely going to end in disaster. PFFTAHAHA what is that awkward Irish accent? But that ""buddy"" is totally Joan. Yeah, 100% that's them. "Search for treasure for good measure." Sigh, that's the only Remus content I'm getting this episode, isn't it. Sty??? Yes, hide in the garbage, perfect. 

You need a game plan for flirting? *shrugs in awkward* Bird puns, pretty tweet. Haha, cyber stalking in real life. Can't he just casually walk by, and casually notice a pin? I legit thought Roman was going to stop at "You're going to have to try… speaking." From the heart? "Hey, you're cute and I'm gay, plus your backpack says that you are, too?" I'm so concerned that the bathroom stall is gonna open now. 

Oh it's getting sad. And Roman's so sad, no. Oh this is real close to the end of POF. This might be a little much, tbh. OMFG. Who is that? Oh no, oh no, ohhhhhhhh nooooooooo. Omfg. I didn't wanna ruin the moment. "Yeah, I gotta stop wooing strangers in bathrooms." I MEAN, YEAH, RUDE, THOMAS! Oh boy they're going in strong on the lying thing. It's still so fresh, but Virgil's okay with Thomas, so? WOAH man. Was this before DWIT? Virgil said deceit, but did he say deceit or Deceit? That's some faux-concern there. Or should I say...foe concern. Oh boy that turned quickly. Maybe Patton's acceptance of Janus is why Virgil's all stiff with Patton in Distractions? I mean that's been theorized anyway, but

YO IT'S CUTE GUY HE HAS A VOICE! Screaming. Nevada. Anaconda. Oh my gosh, nooooooooooooo. Thomas. Repeat after me, "Sorry, you're cute and I'm very gay, could you repeat that?" And sad Roman. VIRGIL'S GONNA DO SOMETHING! Yes, good. "Do you want this food?" NO, bad. OH! Nice! Flirting maybe yes possibly? Mister. Nico! Feeling like a trash bin! Excellent! Pfffffffft, I like Nico. "Shut up." "Shut up." "Shut up!" SHUT UP! Virgil helped!!! And Roman's so sad and I'm teary and bravery!!!!! Ugh, I'm taking a moment. Oh there was that thing that Joan wrote that Thomas was really excited about. The soliloquy in the bathroom maybe? Nico's trash metaphor? 

Ahhhhhh, omfg I'm wheezing. Old. It's funny that he referred to Thomas in third person. Like. Interesting funny. What! It's Janus's theme!!!! Oh. WHAT.  What Janus's collection what. Corridor of stored rewards aauuuugh. Love that font, btw. And the J especially! EXCUSE YOU I JUST SAW MY BOY SMASH A PLATE OVER HIS HEAD but like in front of a blue screen so that's new content, shut up. Oh no commentary, I love commentary. Woah, that's crazy, writing contributions. JANUS SHADOW! Aw, Thomas. 💚💚💚💚💚 Oh, post-mall screaming. They're all the same, I love them. The little hand over mouth thing. WOAH DOES VIRGIL HAVE SPARKY EYESHADOW? I assume that's Talyn, truly a wonderful contribution, he's beautiful. Ha, delete immediately. Oh. "What if things are never the same again?" That was almost a happy inflection, mayhaps? Yeah, sparkly. Join me! No thinking! Oh hey, I was doing the hand flappy thing a lot, too? Are you sure you don't have to pee? Uh oh. Virgil's facial expressions… that's concerning. Demon! Thirty times a day joke! Hmmmmmmm.

Ahhhh, this was really cute, I can see the importance, I don't know where it is within the episodes, but yeah, it'd have been hard to do live action. Patreon. Maybe one day. But some very sad and concerning things! I am concerned. 

The animation was so good! I hope they told the artists to do it transparent if they needed it transparent. But! Really! So good! I know there were three different artists, and if I looked for it, I can kind of see some stylistic differences sometimes, but for the most part, I can't! They all managed to go into one style near flawlessly, it's amazing. They were incredible. 

The prinxiety is going to be flowing out of this fandom, man. Also, unrelated, but I demand more stupid idiot Thomas in fics! I get that we respect him and want the best for him, but we're missing a huge opportunity! Look at this disaster! Look at this awkward dumb dork, the boy can barely function at times! So much potential!

[dentalrecordsmusic]

Tomorrow Needs You - A Look Back on Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys

Words by Ari Jindracek

As everybody, their mothers, and their distressed and confused cats probably know by now, My Chemical Romance is alive again and it's not a fever dream. The new era is upon us and fans are seemingly coming out of the woodwork to experience it. We've talked about My Chemical Romance before here at Dental Records, but not as a group who collectively couldn't get tickets to their reunion show before it sold out in under ten minutes. However, I'm not here to talk about the reunion. This November of 2019 is another time of importance in the MCR calendar: the ninth birthday of Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, an album set in California 2019 (by design or not, the exact time and place of the reunion show). I got into MCR because of Danger Days. I have also, in recent months, heard from more people who hate it than I usually do. A few weeks ago, I read a very well written article that I will not name that was all about how good MCR was… until the "embarrassment" that was Danger Days. I started worrying if my favorite album of all time was actually awful and universally hated, and that liking it made me somehow a bad fan. 2019, the year I daydreamed about in 2010, is here. Does Danger Days still hold up?

Long story short: yes.

That doesn’t mean that every song is perfect. It doesn’t even mean that I love it as much as I used to. Frankly, I don’t. I will not say that Danger Days is the best album ever written because that would make me a liar. However, the important things are still the same. “Look Alive, Sunshine” still fills me with a burst of energy and affection, and its transition into “Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)” is still, despite the choppiness of Spotify, smooth and perfect. The poppy repeated chorus of “Na Na Na” may ring a bit asinine now, but the fact that it comes up again later in the album justifies it, and the bridge stolen from the scrapped song “Make Room!!!” (“everybody wants to change the world but no one wants to die, wanna try?”) feels more poignant now than it did when I was fourteen and had no way of changing anything. “Bulletproof Heart” is one of the songs that doesn’t hold up as well as it could have; the bouncy guitar-and-bass riff is fun, to hear and to play (Danger Days contains many of the few songs I can play on my bass guitar), but, apart from joining up with the Killjoy theme of running away from the oppressive city, I never felt a huge amount of affection for it. Talking about “these pigs” and “this world” being on the speaker’s tail--the speaker, in my mind, is very much not Gerard Way--in a world where police brutality has been in and out of the spotlight is strange as an allegory, because in my maturity, I am aware of its reality for many members of my community. The bridge is better than I remember it, though. There’s a hope that mirrors the introductory verse of “Welcome to the Black Parade”: “are you gonna be the one to save us...are you gonna be the one left standing?” While there is a question here, there is also faith in the listener, that, if enough fans listen to the record, someone will be the one left standing.

On the note of hope, I want to spend a lot of time on “SING,” the song that got me into My Chemical Romance, and, if I can be cliche, the first song that saved my life. Musically, my love for it has waned; the only part that I really like anymore is the bridge, which has enough of an anti-corporate, anti-establishment message that it got Glenn Beck of Fox News to call it propaganda, and enough rhythmic and melodic difference from the rest of the song to really grip my interest. However, its message follows beautifully from the bridge of “Bulletproof Heart.” There is a pleading hopefulness in “SING” that had been present in a variety of My Chemical Romance songs since Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, but this is its most obvious, smack-in-the-face incarnation. Will you see what tomorrow brings, be what tomorrow needs? The song positions it as a choice, but as one where the necessary answer is yes, and the “you” is as personal as it is universal. There are two halves to the song’s hope, it seems: tomorrow needs you (so you have to stay alive), and tomorrow needs you (so you have to help make the world a better place). In words I could easily understand, at a time when I sorely needed it, an artist I respected was telling me that I could, and should, make something of myself, for the rest of the world. No wonder I have a savior complex; no wonder I peeled off my adolescent thoughts of suicide and put on a Killjoy mask. Musically, no, “SING” is not My Chemical Romance’s best song, I’ll admit that. I cannot, however, dismiss what it meant and still means to me: that I can and must improve myself and do whatever I can to help the rest of the world, because I am needed.

“Planetary (GO!)” is more bouncy-fun than it is meaningful, at least in my ears. With the spunky bassline and funky ambulance-siren synths, it’s a rave song more than it is a song that makes you change the way you change your life, which means it fulfilled its purpose as My Chemical Romance’s best try for a danceable song. It goes well with the narrative of neon-bright desert outlaws; the fact that the video for “Planetary (GO!)” is just a recut of live footage is a crime because it deserved a Killjoy smash-grab bank robbery narrative to go behind it. “The Only Hope for Me Is You” is, frankly, the most forgettable song on the album, in that, Danger Days superfan though I am, I sometimes forget it exists. It hearkens back to “Skylines and Turnstiles,” the first My Chemical Romance song, in some ways: the mentions of embers, ash, and “people burn[ing] in purifying flame” remind me, at least, of the falling of the Twin Towers that sparked the band’s creation. It does not do nearly as good a job as “Skylines and Turnstiles” if that was what it was trying to do. The theme of hope comes back--obviously, it’s in the title--but in a more romantic way, as in the later “Summertime.” It doesn’t feel like the “you” in this song can be me, like it did in “SING.” The listeners are not Gerard Way’s only hope. The bridge, especially, is weak, as it just repeats the title of the song over a basic build-up-drop-off dynamic structure.

The first “story arc” ends here, and the second, more emotionally intense, arc picks up with “Jet Star and the Kobra Kid / Traffic Report,” where Dr. Death Defying states, barely saddened under his made-up slang, that Ray Toro and Mikey Way’s Killjoy personas have been killed. In the end, a Doppler-effect synth rips into the drums intro to “Party Poison.” The Japanese dialogue over the intro here doesn’t match with anything else from the album, though I do remember live shows from this era starting with similar narration in Japanese (if my memory has failed me, I cite the nine intervening years). “Party Poison” is danceable like “Planetary (GO!)” but with bite behind it-- “this ain’t a party,” Gerard Way sings, “get off the dance floor.” Narratively, two of the people closest to him, one of them being his brother, have died, of course, it’s not a party! I love this song for its head-bopping guitars and the near-egomania of the lyrics. Titular character Party Poison is at a point in his narrative where he’s out of his mind with rage and has fallen into an adolescent sense of invulnerability. In “Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back,” that crashes down with a bitter reprise of the “na na na”s from, of course, “Na Na Na.” The joyous colorful energy from before is gone, replaced with “a heart attack in black hair dye.” I personally think “Save Yourself” is one of My Chemical Romance’s best songs. The lyrics stun me still. There’s hope in it-- “not a victim of the victim’s life” and “we can live forever if you’ve got the time.” There’s barely-concealed fear-- “the good guys die and the bad guys win / who cares?” There’s anger in how, during the bridge, Gerard Way’s terse vocals become screams. It’s a mess of emotion and it’s amazing. 

Which makes it disappointing that it's followed by "S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W" and "Summertime,” which I thought, even at the time when I was creepily obsessed with Danger Days, were two of the weakest tracks. I can barely tell what kind of genre "S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W" is trying to emulate. The instrumentals (aside from the bridge) are far too simple for a band with the highly skilled Toro in its corner, there's more chorus than there is verse, and the lyrics read like a nonsensical nursery rhyme. However, I don't think "S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W" is the weakest song on the album because of how well it fits into the narrative; it's a goodbye-be-safe for the girl who features in the music videos as her guardians run off on a suicide mission. "Summertime,” in contrast, doesn't fit that narrative. It's Gerard Way's spunky, synthed-up version of the classic love song, obviously written to his wife, who he exchanged messages with by writing cryptic messages on his skin--"you can write it on your arm,” anyone? It's cute; the saccharine love is obvious, the solo gets its due time, and the bassline is fun. I like what the song is about more than I like, well, the song. I'm glad it exists, but although I'd never do so now, I used to actually skip past it in my iPod Classic days. I grew into "Summertime" when I got my first boyfriend, but as a My Chemical Romance song, it feels much too generic. "DESTROYA" pops the bubblegum idyll from its first few notes: something, represented by the drums, has come crawling up into the narrative of fun, and it's howling mad. The song is named after the robot god of the comic adaptation, but in the fandom at the time, many, myself included, assumed that Destroya was some sort of horrific, destructive force, based exclusively on the song. The fast pace of the rhythm and the vocals is furious. The verses scream out sickness and the main chorus spits the disillusionment from "Save Yourself" anew, culminating in the bridge, where "luck" and "love,” "us" and "you" are doubled on top of each other, the only constants God and The Enemy. "If what you are is just what you own / what have you become when they take from you / almost everything?" is simply put but absolutely rips through me sometimes, usually when I'm already in the throes of an identity crisis. The song feels like it's about to tear itself in half. Strange but fitting, then, that it segues into what would be, for nine years, My Chemical Romance's final credits. 

I didn't get what "Kids From Yesterday" meant in 2010, but "this could be the last of all the rides we take" is, in retrospect, as subtle as a brick to the eye (I remember reading people theorizing that this could, in fact, be the last of My Chemical Romance’s albums on the MCRmy forums in 2010 or 2011 -- we all laughed it off). Acclaimed by several of the band members as among their favorite songs, “Kids From Yesterday” isn’t necessarily my cup of tea, but I can see why people love it so much. The rhythm is steady and easy, with the synths and guitars floating over it like puffy clouds over the sprawling desert, and the vocals soar even above that; it’s a song you pan out for. The lyrics, beyond the obvious farewells, are easy to pick out and easy to like. “You only hear the music when your heart begins to break” meant something indescribable to me in my teens, and I routinely wore one of those slim rubbery bracelets with the lyric on it. “Does the television make you feel the pills you ate / or every person that you need to be?” wraps up the themes of Danger Days neatly--the Better Living Industries medication and the necessity of being someone for somebody. “Goodnight, Dr. Death” wraps up the actual narrative by taking the one speaking character from the Killjoy universe and pulling him off the air with one last message and a glitched-out version of the national anthem (again: how did we miss that?). The final song of My Chemical Romance’s final full, complete album, “Vampire Money,” is a middle finger to the Twilight movies, a break from the Killjoy personas--the band members speak under their own names, no more pseudonyms--and a high-power, over-caffeinated, airport-bar-fight beat with a shrieking guitar solo, pointed pop cultural references, and a breakdown like someone actually broke the drum kit. If a song makes you want to simultaneously dance on the street and light up Molotov cocktails, it’s a good song. At the end of an era, it’s a good song, and the clatter at the end a fitting way to go out: with a bang, or a series of them. I don’t know if My Chemical Romance knew, at the time, that this would be the last album they would record--possibly ever, if the reunion does not come with a new album. If they did, hey, they picked a good song to play during the final straightaway.

Besides the messages of hope and fun, my favorite thing about Danger Days was the story. My Chemical Romance is a band of concept albums, and if you use the music videos for “Na Na Na” and “SING” as jumping-off points, the concept of Danger Days is the easiest to follow--no wonder, since it was based on a comic Gerard Way wanted to, and later did, write. Before the comic came out, though, it was still a great source of creativity for me. The world of the Killjoys was just fleshed out enough to give me, and others like me, a starting point to build the world on our own, but just bare-bones enough to give its fans room to add to the story however we wanted. I have written things on and off since I was about six, but once I started working within the Danger Days universe, supplementing the canon story with my own characters and ideas, I feel as though I became a writer. About half of the characters I work with today were originally Killjoys or Draculoids. I believe that Danger Days specifically stimulated the creative process as well, because the meta-text to the album was all about creativity. The slogans “art is the weapon against life as a symptom” and “would you destroy something perfect to make it beautiful?” were and still are influential in how I feel about the importance of artistic expression in the world. I was in a bad place when I first heard Danger Days; the hopefulness gave me a glimpse of better feelings, and the encouragement to create gave me a method to get the feelings I was having out of my head.

When I was fourteen, when Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys came out, I would daydream about what life would be like in 2019. It got me through a lot of bumps in my life, cliche as it is. I am glad that I am able to look back on it, in 2019, and see it past the fog of nostalgia, and still love it, even though I can tell that the legs it stands on are somewhat wobblier than I remember. Is it a perfect album? No. I’m not going to make that decision. However, it’s not an embarrassment, and it doesn’t deserve the hate it gets just because it’s more colorful than the rest of the My Chemical Romance canon. I truly think that the real beauty of Danger Days doesn’t necessarily lie in every song individually but in the narrative as a whole and in its message: be loud and angry when faced with injustice, be loud and joyous when faced with love, and, most importantly, be loudly yourself as you face down a future that needs, specifically, you.

Please direct all tweets about how much “SING” means to you to Ari Jindracek on Twitter. Please direct all tweets about how much “SING” sucks to anybody else.

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Subscribe to the DRM YouTube channel.

[svpervixen]

This was my entire life for 3 years. I’ve spent the last year working desperately to recover from manipulation and endless gaslighting.

Gerard gaslights like it’s a second language, and as if there’s absolutely no shame in doing so.

1-2. I’ve caught him in lies, WITH PROOF, only to be demonized and attacked for asking about it.

3. Green Day, Final Destination 3, my sisters, my friends, my parents- the people and media I care about the most- I was either restricted from seeing/indulging in, or was actively insulted/demonized for having any interest/love for it/them. It’s as if everything that made me who I am, everything that made me passionate and zealous were a threat to him simply for empowering me. And god forbid anyone who cared about me attempting to protect me from him. They were either kicked out of my life, or I was shamed/guilted for trying to spend time with, quickly leading me to never see them at all.

4. There are too many examples to list. Oh my fuck even thinking about the amount is overwhelming. “I’ll be better”, “I would never do that to you”, “I care about you”, “I care about your interests”, “I’ll get a job”, “I won’t ever do that again”, ETC ETC ETCCCCC

5. He was insecure so I was made to feel insecure. He felt lonely so I was made to feel lonely. He had a history of cheating on people so he endlessly accused me of doing the same. He hated a lot of people for stupid, immature reasons and expected me to hate them too, and in some cases actively go after them. He had zero patience with several different kinds of people and expected me to act the same. He hated himself and constantly accused me of hating him. To name only a FEW.

6. ALL of the friends we made together have sided with him. He gets close to them, “admits” to a watered-down, purposefully-vague and misleading version of the truth to PRETEND he’s taken SOME form of accountability, and then goes on to exaggerate EVERY aspect of my own problematic actions I exhibited in response to being terrorized, beaten down, and cornered ENDLESSLY. He uses fine, real-life details and a shameless delivery to convince these people I’m something that I’m not, all in the pursuit of covering his ass. He tells them I’m toxic, “psychologically destructive”, that I was a “drunk who battered him”, etc, when all of it is a bullshit lie or gross exaggeration lacking vital context. Losing my friends to this was one of the things that scared me away from leaving him for a while because I KNEW it would happen, as I watched the ways he demonized and lied about people for 3 years leading up to it, knowing it would happen to me and he would utilize any and all people who showed any leeway in not believing me.

7. It’s really easy to dismiss my speaking out at this point by calling me an obsessive, psycho, crazy ex set out to ‘hurt you’, isn’t it? There’s already such a grand misunderstanding and prejudice towards emotional women voicing their pains, ESPECIALLY in the form of a relationship with a man. But really, is that all you have? Calling me ‘crazy’? Telling everyone else I’m ‘crazy’? You ever consider telling them the truth? That the REAL ‘crazy’ was the barbaric mind games, manipulation, and dismantling of self you put me and the others through? Hm? How about that? Or is that too integral for you to comprehend?

8. I was told my exes raped me when they hadn’t, I was told the love I felt for people in my past wasn’t real, I was fed antagonizing bullshit about my own family and friends whenever any of them got too close to me or too curious about my shutting down after getting close to him. Anyone who dared to threaten his righteous spot in my life was an ‘enemy’ and treated as such, through and through.

9. Do I need to say anything on this one? The only reason he’s “owning up to” anything is because he KNOWS he can’t escape ALL of it. If he were to deny everything outright, the backlash would be far greater. Instead, he cherry-picks, he utilizes white lies, he gives an inch of bullshit and expects you to run with it for miles. He sells it well because he’s soulless. But what he has ‘owned up to’ is bullshit because he NEVER dives into the extent of it, he never acknowledges just how fucking awful he was, he leaves the majority of the abuse he caused out of it, and he plays the victim in order to form allies because empathy is a very strong and molding emotion. This is exactly why all those he’s closest to are empathetic as hell; he knows what works.

10. I was never allowed to have my own truths. Things as simple as words like “trigger” extending to the most fundamental parts of myself (my journals, my favorite band that saved my life as a young teen, the time I spent living in a different state) were rewritten to be something they weren’t. All because my strength, character, and the people who helped shape me were just a massive threat to him. And for what? All I can reckon is his god complex.

11. Apparently I’m overreacting now just as much as I was then. All of it was projection, as he was the one constantly overreacting instead of communicating with me. And it makes sense; he’s always been the one with something to lose. Not me.

The physical abuse was awful, but nothing was as damaging or lasting as his endless gaslighting and manipulation. I’m not ‘letting go’ of the way I was treated and the lack of humility he exhibits that leads me to conclude he will do it again. He is a dangerous liar and no one will convince me otherwise, and especially those who didn’t spend nearly 1,100 days of their life being subjected to it.

[veridium]

dirty little secret

WOAH BOY. I did not expect such a quick turn around, but when you’re writing sweet, sweet friendship, shit happens. thanks to @bitchesofostwick and her fabulous writing that got my gears going.

I have been wanting to use an all-american-rejects ref as a title since we started and now, here I am!

on this episode...Olivia awakens to find Ellinor wearing a strange fleece (HM??). BUT, that is not the only incident that surprises her, as a message left on her door gives her cause for concern. 

part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 // part 6 // part 7 // part 8 // part 9 // part 10 // part 11 

--

Her cell phone alarm goes off as it always does on wednesday: 7:30, just enough time to get her shit together before her 10am lecture. However, as she revisits the text she got the night before from Ellinor, it also becomes a beautiful morning for hearing all about her “group project meeting.” Luckily she doesn’t have to travel far, or bother with pants. Wearing an over-sized, old All-American Rejects tour shirt she thrifted a year ago, she fits the bill when lastly she slips on her pink fuzzy slippers -- the only items of her wardrobe she would accept in such a color. She then wanders a few doors down to Ellinor’s and Sera’s room. Sera is gone for a few days on some road trip to one of her many hair-brained destinations, so Olivia has no minced feelings about knocking loudly.

Knock, knock, knock. Nothing.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. Nothing again.

“Knock, knock, bitch, get up! We need coffee!”

The door rips open, and a face with slight drool on the corner of her mouth and hair tousled over her eyes appears. But, it’s not her expression that Olivia’s eyes fixate on like a moth to a fleece flame.

A Knight athletic fleece, the expensive one.

“Good morning sunsh--shit, is that…”

Ellinor jerks her chin down, suddenly coherent. Her brow furrows and she whirls around to retreat back into her lair, mumbling things while she lazily swings the door shut. Olivia, of course, slaps her hand on it and waves it open with gusto.

“Ellinor Trev--”

“NO.”

“Is he in here?!” she skips in, looking around in all corners and nooks as if Cullen is compactible like a lawn chair or something. “Oh, God dammit, I never catch your lovers! No fair!”

Ellinor crawls back under her covers and pulls them up over her head. Interestingly, she does not forsake the fleece sweatshirt that has seemed to magically exist out of nowhere.

“Is that his…”

“Mmph.”

“So it IS. You’re a filthy liar! You said you didn’t do anything in your text, I got receipts!” Olivia promptly hops onto the lower side of the twin mattress, curling her legs up under her sideways.

“I didn’t do anything. I meant it. I just...this...it was cold, okay! Why does everyone think I am magically not cold susceptible? I have questionable circulation…” she half-whines the last part, before squirming into her pillow some more like a burrowing naked mole rat.

Olivia hums, not convinced. “You got some explaining to do, and this calls for extra strong coffee. And scones. I want every detail. I’m gonna throw on some sweats or something, I won’t be long.” The casual mood she has yesterday with Cassandra has carried over through a full night’s sleep, and Olivia feels all the pomp and makeup of her typical routine to be unnecessary for once. She swats on the bump in the comforter she suspects is Ellinor’s ass before hopping back onto her feet and out into the hallway. She’ll be back to wrangle her soon enough out of the depths of her ironic despair.

Scooting her poof-slippered feet out into the hall she spots her door half-shut. Only, it’s not her door -- not the way she remembers it, anyhow. There’s...papers? Taped on it just above the doorknob. Posted notes and event reminders aren’t exactly unheard of in dorm halls, but as she walks she scans the other shut and locked doors -- nothing. Just hers has stuff on it.

When she arrives she yanks off the posted paper and notices some hastily copy/pasted clipart of some crosses mounted on a hillside. Her stomach churns as she reads the message. It’s a pamphlet-esque flyer asking the reader if their soul has been saved, and if not, resources in order to accomplish that. On the back there’s a scripture excerpt as the header, and then a list of every Church in the city limits with their contact information and addresses. It has the design skills of a 4th grader who’s project is due the morning after and all they have to use is Microsoft Word 2003.

And on the very bottom, handwritten for that special touch: “For the Slut in 21C.”

She looks both ways down the end of the hall and sees no one lurking, though the hair on the back of her neck stands up. The faces of those Church preps that pouted at her when she was on Cassandra’s bike pop into her head. Oh, it would be an interesting coffee sesh indeed.

--

What had originally been intentions to come outside casual and no muss, no fuss, turned into a black knit oversized sweater dress, thigh-high black velvet boot stilettos, and loose curls with a full face of sharp makeup. She looks like an insta model out in the light of day instead of in her cardboard box, but it is better this way: people don’t fuck with her.

They get their coffee downtown and walk out onto the sidewalk. She has class in 30 minutes, anyway. Ellinor is holding the flyer in her hand, though it’s bent outta shape from Olivia’s wrath.

“I don’t know, Liv. It is kind of concerning that they know where your dorm is. Isn’t that a hate crime if it’s targeting a member of a targeted group?”

“Biphobia getting treated as biphobia instead of ‘free speech’ discussing sexual behavior that both straights and gays sneer at? In this economy?” Olivia slips her own shades on and shoves the forsaken paper into her bag. “And besides, my dorm is easy to find out. All they’d need is one person to see me walking in, or one person who lives in the same hall as me.”

Ellinor slurps her hot matcha latte and hands it over to her, before pulling her aviator shades down from atop her head of a loose braid crown. She slides her arm through the second shoulder strap of her backpack.

Olivia is steeping. On the surface she looks straight up pissed, which is intentional. But deep down she’s nervous. This was more than she signed up for.

“What are you going to do then? It’s obvious this has to do with you hanging out with her. This is bullshit. if I was there when those punks came into the dorm, I would have shoved my timbs so far up their pastey Jesus mayo asses that….that...gah! Just really far, okay?” Ellinor grumbles and sips as they near the corner. She hasn’t had enough caffeine yet. 

Olivia veers to the left and punches the crosswalk button. She reaches into her back searching for her keys as she spots her black mini cooper parked on the curb a block from them.

“I don’t know what the fuck to do! I feel like I’ve become this Scarlet Letter for something I haven’t even done. It’d be different if we had actually, like...did stuff. But she is so prim and…” the crosswalk signals walk, and they push onward. “She goes from this super interested and focused person to hands-off and out the door faster than I can get my eyeliner wings to match.”

Olivia walks faster as Ellinor hones in on the passenger door facing the curb. “Woah that’s...that’s pretty fast.”

“You think?” Olivia faces her over the car hood as she hits the car alarm button, making the headlights flash. She unlocks fast and eyes both ends of the street for surveilling gazes before sliding in.

“At least with Cullen...” Olivia tries to keep her conversation going while settling in, tossing her bag over her head. She slides her key into the ignition and checks her mirror. Ellinor slides her drink into the center console and pulls her seat belt. She’ll need it -- Olivia has a love of driving, and that love translates into speed and mastery of a stick shift.

“At least with Cullen, what?” Ellinor replies, dreading it already.

Olivia bites her lip and eyes her. “You know...at least…” she slumps forward against her steering wheel. “At least you know what his intentions are...I mean, were, for you. He was pursuing you. He wanted to do...to do things with you.” Her tone has gotten less spirited and more melancholy. Enough for Ellinor’s initial defensive pouty face to melt into sympathy. Though, Olivia worries if it’s less sympathy and more soreness at being reminded of what she tossed up.

Dammit, Liv, she thinks to herself. Ellinor isn’t as tough as she plays.

“Well...I think she really does like you,” Ellinor comforts after a pause, her gregarious personality trying its best to rally.

Olivia twists the key to start. The engine grinds and then starts with ease, and she clutches the stick shift with her manicured hand covered in black, dramatic rings on almost every finger.

“I know she likes me. What I meant was, like...you know.”

“You said she asked if she had another...didn’t she call it a ‘shot’ or something?”

“Yeah, but, I don’t--”

“Liv, I don’t know anyone who would ask if they could be friends with someone by asking if they had another shot. Remember how we met?”

Olivia looks at her windshield and snorts. “Yeah. You asked if I had time to talk about our Lord and Savior Gerard Way at a freshman ice cream social of all fucking places. Then I sat on my retainer.”

“Hah,” Ellinor sits back, elbow on the door. “Exactly. Not ‘Do I have a shot?’”

Ellinor, in her particular brand of eloquence, has a point. Cassandra is one of the most intentional people Olivia has ever met. She doesn’t even sneeze out of line. And she doesn’t strike Olivia as the kind of person to sit idle while the things and the people she wants float on by. But, there’s something still hanging her up on it all. An unspeakable hesitancy that comes from having one foot in and one foot out the door.

“I just wish she like...did the thing.”

“Thing? What thing?”

Olivia pulls the car into gear and puts her hands on the wheel, staring out her side mirror for oncoming traffic. “You know, like, there’s a thing queer people do when they want to drop their queerness on the radar. Say you loved the new Hayley Kiyoko single, or...shit, like, you went to Pride last summer and had a blast. Something.”

“Cassandra Pentaghast at Pride? Even if she’s 1/24th lady-lover, dude, I doubt she’d be down.”

“Yeah because that’s how it works, Ellinor,” Olivia chuckles and pulls into the lane, clutches and shifts into gear again as she accelerates. “It’s just like...okay, you know what I mean. Something. Just a little tidbit. Like...letting me go home with a fleece sweatshirt.”

She only has to side-eye her once to see Ellinor’s cheeks go deep with blush, her lips rolling shut.

Olivia raises a brow and adjusts her large, round black sunglasses. “Mhm.”

“Look, I said what I said. It was cold.”

“Fine, fine. I’m only holding off on hounding you ‘cause I know you have to see him again. I can almost see his face watching you leave with it. Ugh, good shit.”

Ellinor slaps her on the arm before grabbing her drink. “It wasn’t like that, dammit.”

“Not when you were looking it wasn’t,” Olivia continues to tease in that sultry tone. “But…’as she walked off, her figure becoming shapeless in the dark and only traceable by lamp light, I knew that she took a piece of my with her...a piece, of fleece…’”

“GOD you are HORRIBLE!” Ellinor’s laugh gets louder the longer Olivia does her act. The ‘poetry recitation’ voice Olivia does is too good, too pure even in its mortification. She laughs, too, as they turn onto the boulevard which will take them directly to campus.

“You talk a good story for a cynic,” Ellinor settles down, resting her knee against the door. The woman can’t sit right in any chair to save her life.

Olivia smirks as she turns her signal on, the car arriving at the light before the campus entrance. “My Mom had those movies on all day when I was a kid, okay. I internalized that trash in between Blue’s Clues episodes.”

“Ugh, I forgot, my bad.”

They pull in and drive past all the pretty red brick building tops, and people walking with backpacks on the sidewalks or running with shorts and tanks on. Olivia notices a jogger weaving through the pairings of people walking to class and she remembers the way Cassandra looked on the soccer fields, back when she was just a tall, dark, and beautiful stranger she could pretend was all these things. Never could she have foreseen this all unfolding, but a part of her misses when it was all a mystery. When it was a mystery, she could believe that Cassandra was for sure into girls. Now, she is attached to finding out the truth, and the truth might not be so kind.

They pull up into one of the Blue parking lots and by some miracle, someone is pulling out in time for her to snag the spot. She turns in and puts it into park.

“Tits up, girl,” Ellinor sighs, grabbing for her things as Olivia turns the key back, the engine going quiet. They both adjust their bras on cue at her word.

“You’re hiding that fleece in your backpack, aren’t you?” Olivia eyes the bag, a little swollen in shape.

Ellinor glares at her. “No.”

“Ellinor,” Olivia giggles, as she pulls her drink up out of the cupholder. “You don’t want to give it back. Admit it.”

“I admit…!” she looks away for a moment and composes herself. “I...am not the owner of this garment, and I will not be keeping it. It was borrowed. I said I would give it to him during class.”

“Mhmm,” Olivia hums again, reaching for the door. Before she does, though, Ellinor is not done with her side of questioning.

“You gonna tell her what happened?”

“Why should I? What is she gonna do, challenge all the preps to a duel on quad? It’s not gonna change anything. Don’t tell Cullen, either. I’m gonna...handle it. It’ll be fine.”

Ellinor rolls her eyes. “Look, I’m not any of your horoscope apps, but the Cassandra I saw last night staring down a guy stick up for someone she barely knows, seems like the kind of person who’d like to know if people are messing with her girl.”

The phrase ‘her girl’ makes Olivia’s stomach erupt into butterflies, and she blushes and looks away towards her window. Thank goodness for giant sunglasses.

“This isn’t High School. I’m not ‘her girl,’ I’m her friend. And a friend who could quickly turn out to be more work than she wanted to deal with when she realizes all her peers want to burn her at the stake.”

“Over my dead body,” Ellinor says, before grabbing Olivia on her forearm as she tries to get out for the car. “Hey, I mean it. If it’s not Cass, it’s me grabbing a crowbar, alright? Just say when and where to aim.”

Olivia looks back at her and her lower lip curdles. “Aw, Ellinor…” she tilts her head, “you do have affectionate emotions….?”

Ellinor quickly scoffs and pushes her. Back to normal in an instant. They get out, and Olivia locks the door. Slinging her bag on her shoulder she looks around again, slightly paranoid despite her cool exterior. No pastel polo shirts and no french braid pigtails. No woman in a black long-sleeve with pants and a pixie cut. For once, she’s relieved on both fronts, and walks with Ellinor down the way towards their respective lecture halls.

On the way, OIivia elbows her in the shoulder, a sly smile on her black lips. “Thanks, babe.”

--

Later that day --

-- Hey, you didn’t say whether you’d come with to the gala next weekend. I need confirmation!!

-- Ellinor: I can, but I’m not going to! You already have someone who can go!

-- That is the opposite of what I have! I’m not inviting her. Ughhh don’t do this to me I’ll cry.

-- Ellinor: [Kim Kardashian Tragic GIF]

-- You’re the worst. How did Cullen act when you gave back the sweater?

✓ READ AT 4:12PM

If she weren’t in the library, she would have screeched like a harpie. As it was, she was not in the place or the time to do so, so her catharsis would have to wait. She shoved her phone in her bra and goes back to collecting her arms worth of books. They aren’t for her this time -- a Professor she’s TA-ing for wanted to scan and make copies of chapters for students, and asked her to do it while they...well, do Professor things.

Such as TA’s did, and Liv being a TA as a third year undergrad was an esteemed vote of confidence she did not shirk.

She comes around the aisle she’s in and decides to cut through to the stairwell. She’s down two floors from the ground level where the checkout desk is, a level that separates the boys from the men in terms of archival dedication. She balances the six or so books of varying densities, wondering how close they are to weighing the same as her.

Around another corner and she comes upon a cluster of single-seat study desks -- you know, the kind that only libraries have, with soft wood and worn out, grey-blue upholstery. A couple heads bob up from their stationed spots at them and she pays them no mind. That is, until she sees a blonde head. Blonde, wavy head.

“C...Cullen?” she says, and is promptly shh’d by someone else. Cullen himself looks up from his desk and laptop, and grins.

“Oliv--” another shh, and he gives them a pointed stare of come on man, before pushing his chair back. “How you been?”

She bobs from foot to foot carrying the stack in both her hands. “Uh, good! Good, just, doing some TA work.”

“Oh, nice. Cassandra mentioned you TA for Professor...uh, their name esca--”

“Erickson. Professor Erickson,” she smiles. “Just for the intro to political and economic theory classes. It’s not a big thing.”  It was and is a big deal. The Political Science department has a huge group of grad students who could TA or assist courses, and they often do. Taking in an undergrad for a TA position meant that undergrad could do the work they did with Bachelor’s degrees, and sometimes even Master’s degrees, under their belt. Her parents didn’t stop talking about it like that for a month after she was invited by Erickson to fill the position. Though, they made it more pompous-sounding than she would have liked.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know. Cassandra is the only other undergrad I know who TA’s.”

“She...she TA’s?”

He looks at her and his brows go together. In a sort of, ‘yeah, of course’ kind of way. Like she was supposed to know that.

“Uh, yeah! In Philosophy, I think.” Figures. The woman breathes and spews philosophy and english lit fervor like Shakespeare has used her for a horcrux. It’s...annoying. And...wonderful.

“Ah, yeah, I think she mentioned that,” she lies, and tucks hair behind her ear while balancing the stack nervously in the other arm.

“You uh, you need help with that?” he gestures to get up, but she shakes her head vehemently.

“No, no,” she replies, smiling again. “It’s fine. I need the conditioning for dance, anyways. How is your group project going?”

He grins and looks back to his desk, blinking fast. He shouldn’t have to say, she already knows. But, it’s the kindness that counts. “Oh, yeah, it’s going good. Group projects, you know. They...they are what they are.”

“Yeah, but, at least it’s with Ellinor right? It’s always better with…” she catches herself, bits her smiling lip, and looks away too. Damn, didn’t think that one through.

“It’s better with people you know, right, I gotcha,” he finishes and puts her out of her misery. He’s a good guy -- he doesn’t let anyone hang out on a limb by themselves, even if he’s a bit awkward in his solidarity. It’s easy being in his presence despite the underlying melancholy.

“Yeah, right! Sorry, my head is fried from today. Look, don’t be a stranger. Come by anytime.” she sounds like she has a house with a picket fence and not a hole-in-the-wall dorm room. The olive branch didn’t fit the ecosystem.

He smiles crookedly and nods. “For sure. Yeah. You have a safe walk back with those books.”

“Oh you know, what’s a fall down some stairs?”

He chuckles and waves his hand casually. “Whatever you say.”

She waves back and sees herself off. A couple yards away from him and she spots the staircase, she reaches in her shoulder bag while keeping her eyes on the sign that says “TO LEVEL B,” feeling for her phone and attached headphones. The papers and pack of gum get shoved in and out, and the smooth plastic of her case finally turns up. She yanks it out before the stack of books in her hand fall apart. The sound and sensation of something falling behind her to the ground pries at the back of her head, but she ignores it -- the books are heavy, and the stairs are gonna be a pain in the ass, and that pain will pale in comparison to copying individual chapters 40 copies each.

She reaches the checkout desk after a grueling journey up two flights and through another plethora of shelf rows. While catching her breath against the desk, she checks her phone. A new message sent 15 minutes prior.

Cassandra: Hey. I’m going to be grading practice midterms Friday afternoon at my TA office in Henderson Hall. I thought maybe you would have a similar workload? Want to keep each other company?

Keep each other company. How sexy. Had she said she TA’d, and Olivia just never caught that detail? That would have been something she’d remember. Oh, wait, they were talking about course-loads at one point during a walk to classes...oh, shit, that was the day Cassandra wore a blazer and took it off as she was walking and was so smooth while doing so and...and...oh. God, Olivia is too bisexual to function.

She looks up and scans the room, her gaze out of focus while she thinks. No, she has no reason to! She can deny her this once, what, does she come at her beck and call now? She has no work to do anyw--

Her email ding goes off. It’s Professor Erickson:

Hi Olivia,

My mother is in the hospital and we are heading out of town to see her. I know it’s short notice, but could you grade the stack of bibliographies in my inbox before Monday and hand them out on that day’s class? I promised the students. Just markup for Chicago style and make sure they have the 3 required sources and 2 outside, and nothing looks iffy. I’m going to cancel Friday’s class.

I might be out until middle of next week. Monday is just a hand-back day, so don’t worry about keeping them entertained after they get their work. Play a movie, maybe. Nothing too radically bootlegged, please.

Don’t worry about the chapter copies. Those aren’t needed until next Wednesday, and if you can’t get to them I will finish what you don’t. Good job today by the way explaining to that one student the difference between socialism and democratic-socialism. You are getting more concise!

Thanks!

E

Sent from my Iphone

Professors. The nerve. They emailed on phones even when it was a long-ass message, and yet threw fits when students didn’t title their emails with anything less than an oath to name their firstborn child after them. Erickson wasn’t that bad, though. A fun guy -- a bit too into loafers -- but a fun guy, and amazing Professor. And she was getting paid, which helped.

She rolls her eyes closed and groans so deep the poor library work study student flinches. She looks at them apologetically before turning her attention back to her phone.

-- Hey. Sure, but I can’t stay very long. What time?

Cassandra: Cool, no worries. Say around 6?

-- Yeah, that works. Henderson is that long building by bio sciences, right?

Cassandra: Actually, it’s the one to the left of quad. Big archway entrance. I’ll be at my desk in 10E.

Olivia sighs. Great, a big building on quad. In front of everyone. Open season continues for her. 6:00pm on a Friday? Why that time? Surely if they were exams they were not going to be handed back over the weekend. Did Cassandra have a life that wasn’t work, sport, and more work?

-- Right, I forgot. Whoops. Okay, see you then!

Cassandra: Awesome. See you. 

Cassandra: Oh, also -- this song came up on my shuffle. It’s an old one, but it’s Adele. I would appreciate if you listened to it. I think you’d like it.

Another chance for a ‘sign’ thwarted. As promised, she sends the link to a song and it is, in fact, Adele. Adele. Olivia pouts to herself. Adele is a beautiful singer, but her songs tend to sound the same to her sometimes. One of those ‘you listen to one, you listen to them all,’ kinda deals. The song is entitled “Water Under The Bridge.” Olivia had hoped it would at least be one of the romantic ones, but it hardly sounds like a profession of love or crushing. Her frustration continues to grow in her mind, and she clicks her phone to lock. 

“Alright, Ma’am, that’s it! They’re due back October 7th!” The woman on the other side of the table shoves the plastic bag of books. What a blessing to have them in a bag. She smiles, says thanks, and heads out the door into the open air of dusk. As she walks back to Jefferson Hall a few minutes away, she can’t help but look over her shoulder ever so often, hand clutching her keys in her bag. But, no one approaches or even appears, and as she gets in the door to her own academic building, it feels like it’s all in her head.

It’ll blow over. No big deal. Just have to pretend it doesn’t bother me.

She gets into the elevator and hits the #3. Thankfully, she, too, has an office to hull up in.

[sazandorable]

Hey, can I ask for some TMA, Let's say, Martin and/or Elias and/or Gertrude?

why would you even leave me the option to choose, ever

Cut for spoilers! *grin at the usual suspect…….i can’t even put an ‘s’ here because the other one is already spoiled to hell and back and is definitely going to read this anyway, bad girl :/*

Martin

favorite thing about them: i agree with all the good things that have been said about martin blackwood in this tag recently, but my own favorite part, i think, is his choices. He seems to be a scared, oblivious, naive doormat but as the seasons go you realize how self-aware he is and how deliberate he is about insisting to keep things going, to be brave, to stay by Jon’s side, to take risks, to confront things or to not confront, to trust, to hope… So, it’s probably his willpower, probably?… the gay part is my second favorite thing.

least favorite thing about them: ……….. i probably wouldn’t like him in real life if he were my coworker and i hate that;;;;;;;

favorite line: oh there are soooooo many, and I’m in love with the entirety of MAG22, 39, 117 and 118, but it’s probably (“Why are you here, martin?”) “Well, well, Prentiss is out there and you can’t run so—”. THE FACT THAT THIS IS HIS INSTANT REPLY. I already adored this boy but this is where I knew he really was a cinnamon roll, too pure for this world.… that one “I’m sorry” and continuation from MAG40 is very high up that list too though, as you know. And all the “Please.”s :))))

brOTP: spider george MELANIE&BASIRA (I WISH) AND TIM (I WISH)… dark canon give us the times he went over to tim’s house and was Forbidden to mention jon and they just had a good time

OTP: /jon, /happiness, /only good things happening to him from now on

nOTP: any woman, he strictly gay in my heart

random headcanon: he’s a shockingly skilled liar. he might panic and be unable to keep it up when confronted about it, he gets stressed when he thinks too much about it, but he’s very good at weaving detailed but simple, believable lies and keeping them up long-term and never getting mixed up in them, never getting details wrong… and it’s an ingrained reflex that comes to him naturally by now. He’ll lie about random things about his childhood to make it sound like the typical childhood of a happy kid, and go to ridiculous lengths to keep it up, even though no one would care enough to check. He has three made-up friends from college that he sometimes “goes out for drinks with”, and he does go, so he can say “oh they’re late” if he runs into someone there. He once recounted a warm childhood story about his mother teaching him how to make a Polish meal, and when he went home he learned the recipe.

unpopular opinion: my reading of 118 is that he knew that, he expected that, hurt like fuck but he was fully prepared and a part of him still completely in control and calculating and estimating time the entire time. Like, he needed a minute to get back up, but yeah, that went as planned. He’s taken by surprise by the mention of Jon because that seemed way too insignificant and obvious to him to be an option.

song i associate with them: i obviously have a LOT of martin->jon but hey let’s have some Just Martin: Amsterdam by Imagine Dragons and Big Houses by Squalloscope (i see him as actually Polish, Catholic-raised)

favorite picture of them: ALL MARTINS I’VE EVER SEEN ARE FANTASTIC but that top-center one by @marimo-art

Elias

favorite thing about them: yeah it’s definitely the voice huh

least favorite thing about them: he… has fucked up. i mean it’s hilarious, but also takes some of the terror away. well it’s also terrifying to know sometimes he does things even he agrees he’d better not have done;;;;;

favorite line: shockingly, MAG92′s “[PLEASURED EXHALATION]”. though “Yes, I’m calling to report a crime in progress.” is still hysterical too and there have obviously been some also amazing lines from him since then.

brOTP: …………..peter? sortof.

OTP: ->jon, but like, for a given definition of the term

nOTP: i’m tempted to say melanie and yet. i’d be interested. but kldfjkdslfjsdf i’m still mostly “LEAVE HER ALONE” in canon.

random headcanon: uhhhhhh. right, i’ll say this one here i guess: he has a glass eye which makes everyone wonder at first (like Shadow about Wednesday in American Gods) which is glass and which is the real one. This accidentally makes his “I only have two eyes, after all” an even worse “haha third eye” joke.

unpopular opinion: EVEN IF HE’S NOT 65+ HE DOESN’T LOOK THAT YOUNG!!! MAKE HIM OBVIOUSLY MIDDLE-AGED OR MORE AND DISTURBINGLY ENTICING

song i associate with them: they’re both just elias->jon and. 1) i promised i looked for something else but… i really have to say take me to church. 2) to make up for that have The Royal We by the Silversun Pickups (tho that’s mostly jon pov)

favorite picture of them: this one by @centaurianthropology, still not QUITE my headcanon elias but the closest i’ve seen yet, and also, super rad

Gertrude

favorite thing about them: RUTHLESS, she’s such an unexpected and SO refreshing female character.

least favorite thing about them: uhhhh that she’s dead i suppose

favorite line: “[…] I feel almost… bad, but there’s ten years yet before I can afford a conscience.” not the question but i also really love the line “and Gertrude’s eyes turned cold.” and its delivery.

brOTP: leitner and adelard dekker sound like it? also the statement-giver from Crusader, i didn’t care much about the content but that episode was such a delight to listen to, I love old people…

OTP: Mary Keay

nOTP: idk. nah. nop. bring on all the terrible gertrude ships

random headcanon: jude perry was kinda mad she didn’t get to kill her herself and burned down a few buildings to celebrate/make up for it.

unpopular opinion: the pretending to be gerry’s mother was 100% a joke on mary (and gertrude/mary) and completely unrelated to Gerard himself, she didn’t feel much for him. … knowing this fandom that’s not even unpopular.

song i associate with them: uhhhhh i had to look for this one but oOOOHHH yes: Bones by MS MR. also Mr. Zebra by Tori Amos is her (+ mary) driving elias insane (and for bonus fitting points i originally knew it from a best-of album titled “Tales Of A Librarian”)

favorite picture of them: hey i don’t have any :( more gertrude fanart! give me short fat squat curly little granny in floral pastel pink dresses.

[anyakane]

What are your favorite otome games? Who are your favorite otome bachelors?

My favourites are:

SLBP - My first otome, and basically my introduction to otome. Luckily started like a month after it’s release so I got to play from the very first event.

Shall We Date? Lost Alice - pretty art, great MC, respectful love interests, imaginative universe. There’s a lot to like here. Played it shortly after it’s release.

Shall We Date? Modern Cinderella - started this on the day of it’s release right up until it stopped having events. It’s also the one that made me take the other SWD games more seriously, mostly bc by this time I had a better phone to play otome on. I miss this game a lot and I’m still sad they cancelled it.

These are the ones I would say are my favourites, tho I like all the otome I play pretty equally. I also play all the other currently running SWD games besides Love Tangle (even the recently cancelled ones, up until cancellation), SSS and Wicked Wolves, Ikemen Revolution. I’ve played Liar, Be My Princess Party, and Sleepless Cinderella Party as well. As you can probably tell I’m mostly a social otome player, tho I’ve also bought routes in Love365.

And now my favourites, the ones I have Feelings for anyway.

Under the cut because it got LONG

(This might get spoilery.)

MITSUHIDE (SLBP): Light of MY LIFE, Lord of MY HEART. My first otome man ever. I chose him because he seemed kind in the prologue, and also his looks lol. As I was reading, I thought his route was alright, but then plot started building up (keep in mind, this is my first otome route ever so I had nothing to compare it to) and the Scene were he disobeyed Nobunaga to rescue MC from the temple happened. That’s the Scene that sold my soul to the game and forever cemented Mitsuhide’s place in my heart. And then it just grew as I read his events and epilogues.

IEYASU (SLBP): I didn’t expect to love him as much as I do now. I actually had mixed feelings about playing his route, since he was cruel from the get go. Then I read his route. For a lot of people, the scene that got people to like/understand him more was Crossroads: Metamorphosis and yes that is a very important turning point in their relationship. But for me, it started there, then built up in the following chapters (i.e the date in town and the almost kiss and Nobunaga’s tournament) before finally culminating in the confession scene and kiss. That’s the point where I really fell for him as a love interest and supported their relationship. It helps that it’s a good route in general.

ROBERT MOORE (Modern Cinderella): his relationship with MC is so!! good!!! Like. They help each other grow and develop with their job. And when he confessed his feelings all of a sudden, they went and had a proper discussion about how they would like their relationship to proceed. It really felt like they were two working adults figuring out a relationship together.

Joshua Lieben (BMPP): what I really liked about him in his route is that even though they were only fake engaged, he still took it seriously and tried to be a proper husband/fiance for MC. I liked his earnestness and their date in town was really what cemented it for me. I’m still a little sad I never got to play BMPP in its heyday.

My other favourites are

Mitsunari (SLBP): he’s cute once he figured out MC. I really like their development throughout the events.

Kotato (SLBP): I LOVED his Moments Stolen in Shadow event and epilogue. His epilogue is probably the one I’ve reread the most.

Spade (Blood in Roses): the lengths he would go through just for MC is astounding. I liked his loyalty and determination.

Alfred (Blood in Roses): it’s clear how much he cares for Rosapast and there’s a cute side to him as well, and he’s quite sweet once they have established their feelings for one another

Gerard (Blood in Roses): this was a good route and I liked how he treated MC as an equal from the beginning

Luke Estheim (Lost Alice): pretty much the same reasons as Spade.

Sidd Rex (Lost Alice): I remember liking him and his route when I read it… I gotta read it again

Jacob Taylor (Modern Cinderella): I liked his route

Sirius Oswald (Ikemen Revolution): I was interested in him on principle since he’s pretty much my type and his route is good too so I quite like him. Give me a few more events and he’ll probably shoot right up to absolute fave status

Elias Goldstein (Wizardess Heart): MC was awesome in this route and it was nice seeing them grow and learn to trust in each other.

Toma and Kokonoe (SSS): they’re pretty much my type lol

Toma Kiriya (Irresistible Mistakes): I liked the dynamic between him and MC

George Lestrade (Guard Me, Sherlock): Given the format of the route, it really didn’t do him justice, but I like him more than the others I’ve read so far. A down-to-earth kinda love interest.

Kikuchi Sousuke (Finally in Love Again): he’s a sweetheart and loyal to boot.

I wonder if it’s clear that I have a type lol. I usually tend to go for those who are kind, workaholic, or tsundere, or some combination of all three. Ofc this list is only based on the routes I’ve played. There are some I haven’t played as well so who knows I might find another favourite among them.

I find that choosing the right “first route” in an otome game is important in getting me to like a particular otome since it’s pretty much the first impression I get. At the very least, I have to not dislike the route. I think I got lucky that I chose Mitsuhide for my route route in SLBP. I’m not sure I would have gotten so into SLBP if I chose anyone else. (Inuchiyo was my second route and it was… hard to read. I’m not a fan. Luckily SLBP started running events at that time so I kept on playing.)

Ahh this got way too long and rambly. If you play/like any of these games, great! Please talk to me about them! Especially the Shall We Date games. I like them a lot but it seems only Wizardess Heart has something of a fandom on Tumblr. The other SWD games deserve love too.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

[piquira]

I would think it would make more sense for him to do an interview then for him to have her do one. We all know how good of a liar/ politician he is. She is brand new to fame and attention plus how can she speak on anything. What can she possibly say? That Gerard told her that had an open relationship? That they just started dating in February when he claims him and Shakira split so he didn’t “cheat”. What she says means nothing bc it doesn’t prove that he Didnt lie to her too. This is so embarrassing for Shakira and their children. My guess is putting her out there is his way of kind of stepping into the relationship and making it public instead of having to hide it. I hope more women come forward and speak up about their experiences with him. I am tired of him being protected or ppl just casually mentioning things on Twitter but none of it making any actual news. So many people believe they were in an open relationship that don’t follow them.

Yeah what she says is irrelevant. If she actually does speak, It's going to be great for the media circus but not great for Gerard's interest in burying the story. So honestly I don't even care about her. In my book, she's just one of many, a possible future victim of his antics if their relationship actually goes anywhere... I'm lowkey just waiting for somebody to pile up all the evidence about him, all the inconsistencies and contradictions and make it go viral lol.

[tenderlywicked]

COVER REVEAL 

Book Title: Adam’s Trial (Trials in Abingdon Book Two)

Author: JM Wolf

Cover Artist: Rue Volley

Genre/s: Gay Fiction, Gay Romance, May/December, Contemporary 

Blurb

“Sometimes, facing your personal trial could be a life or death situation. Do you have the courage to overcome the obstacles in your life before time runs out?”

Determined to protect his older brother’s wedding, professional chef JerrickRamhart makes a deal with his cruel, homophobic parents. One that involves keeping his true desires locked away and deceiving his brother Gerard and his new family in Abingdon. In exchange, his parents agree to leave Gerard and his fiancé Jace alone. Jerrick doesn’t mind the sacrifice, just as long as Gerard gets the happily ever after he deserves. What he doesn’t expect is a fateful encounter with a wild, red-headed pop star. An encounter that threatens to expose Jerrick’s secret life. 

Recording artist Adam “Adam Love” Walker is known for living his life the way he wants. Doing and saying whatever he wants and not caring who likes it. Why shouldn’t he? After all, Adam isn’t sure when his life will suddenly come to an end. But after an unforgettable night with a sexy chef, Adam starts singing a different tune. Jerrick is everything Adam wants in a man, but what’s the point of being in a relationship if he can’t promise Jerrick forever?

What happens when polar opposites with secrets cross paths in the most unexpected way? Adam begins to show Jerrick what it’s like to be free, and Jerrick is slowly showing Adam what life has to offer him. As stubborn as these two are, will they learn to accept each other before one of them checks out forever?

TRIGGER WARNING:

This book contains sexual adult content, mental and physical health issues, minor violence, and talks of death. 

*This is Book 2 in the series, but can be read as a standalone story - no cliffhangers*

Excerpt 

Well now things were getting interesting. If he wanted us to have alone time, did that mean we were finally going to be together? Or was I reading the situation wrong?

“O-Oh.” I said dumbly. 

Adam chuckled and slowly headed toward me, like a lion getting ready to pounce on his pray. Adam sure was primal enough to devour me. 

Feeling my heart speed up, I began walking backwards until I felt my back against the counter, unable to move anywhere else. But Adam kept coming until his chest was firmly pressed against mine. He was so fucking close his scent tickled my nostrils. He smelled of Cinnamon and…wow…ginger, and it was already becoming my favorite fragrance. Maybe I could bottle it up for myself. Eau de Ginger. Or I could probably make a profit off it. 

“What are you snickering about?” Adam asked in amusement. 

“Nothing.” 

“Liar.” 

I chuckled “Okay fine. I was thinking about how good you smell.”

“Oh? Is that right?” Adam purred as he slowly ran his tongue from my left collar bone and up my neck.

“Fuck,” I panted, feeling my erection growing painfully hard. 

“You know what I’m thinking about, Mr. Sexy chef?”

I shook my head since it felt like my voice was no longer available for use. 

Gripping my bicep with his right hand, Adam reached up with his left to grip my hair and forcibly tilt my head back. He growled as he bit down on my neck and sucked on the skin. 

My mouth hung open as a moan of pleasure left me. My whole body vibrated, and if it wasn’t for him pinning me to the counter I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be standing up at that moment. 

Once Adam was done leaving his mark on me, he licked the dark spot he left behind before trailing his tongue up to my ear and began nipping at my lobe. 

“Fuck, Adam!” I whimpered, not caring how needy I sounded. 

I was sure if he kept this up I’d end up jizzing in my pants without even touching my throbbing dick. 

“I’m thinking that I’m sick of playing games with you.” Adam whispered in my ear.

“W-What? W-W-What do you mean?” I panted in a shaky breath. 

Adam licked along the ridge of my ear before saying, “I mean that this tip toeing back and forth about our relationship is getting old. I’m fucking tired of waiting. I want you Jerrick. I want you so fucking bad. If you don’t feel the same way, tell me now. Because otherwise, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop.”

Oh, halle-fucking-lujah! Praise Jesus! 

“Want you! Need you! Please, Adam take me! Please!” I begged. 

About the Author

JM Wolf never thought he would one day say that he's a published M/M romance author. Having a poet for a mother and a sister to once ran a blog, it was only a matter of time before JM discovered his writing genes. In the beginning, his sole purpose in life was to be a singer/songwriter. Writing lyrics was the first step putting his thoughts onto paper. Even while singing, JM always found time to dabble with writing little short stories but never thought too much about it.

Once he reached adulthood, his music dreams left him, but not the feeling for writing down what was in his mind. However, that didn't mean music no longer played a part in JM's life. His debut book The Black Feather was inspired by one of his favorite songs. Whether lyrics or love stories, you will always find JM's heart and soul in every word on paper.

JM Wolf lives in Chesapeake, VA with his husband and in-laws. When he's not writing, you can always find reading a good book, spending time with the love of his life, or jamming out to music. He didn't pick the world of literature, the literary world picked him.

Social Media Links

Blog/Website: www.authorjmwolf.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/jmsrebellion

Twitter: https://twitter.com/author_jmwolf 

 Cover Reveal hosted by Gay Book Promotions

https://gaybookpromotions.wordpress.com

[pleasepleaseeplease]

The Wolves of War (my version)

Rating: M for violence and language

Word Count: 2,900.

Part 1 of 3.

I wasn't too impressed with how the finale turned out. They didn't focus  much on the core group or brought back characters that everyone loved. So I decided that I wanted to write my own version of the finale. A lot of the scenes and some lines will be similar to the show's episode, but for the most part, this is my take on what should had happened. I hope you like it.

Scene 1

Location: Lot

Scene starts out the same way the prior episode ended. Deucalion is lying on the ground after he was shot multiple times. The hunters surround Scott, Lydia, Malia and Peter. Monroe orders the hunters to shoot. Scott dodges a bullet and knocks one hunter to the ground. Malia jumps up and kicks another hunter. Lydia is cornered by two hunters. She starts screaming and the two hunters fall down to their knees. She punches them. Peter is dragging Deucalion to safety. More hunters arrive. Scott takes cover behind a column. A hunter surprises him from behind. Scott looks terrified. A jeep hits the hunter and sends him flying. Stiles appears.

Stiles: You didn't think you would do this without me?

Derek appears.

Derek: Without us?

Stiles frowns.

Scott: (smiles) Thank god, you're here.

Theme song.

Stiles gets out of his jeep and takes out a new baseball bat. Derek extends his claws. They join the others in battle. A hunter aims a gun at Malia and Stiles hits him over the head with his bat.

Malia: Thanks Stiles.

Stiles: Anytime.

Scott, Derek and Lydia take down more hunters.

Monroe: Retreat! Retreat!

The hunters and Monroe get into their cars and leaves. The pack gather around Deucalion. Scott kneel down beside him. Scott is heartbroken. Malia takes Scott's hand. Stiles takes an interest in Scott and Malia.

Stiles: (whispers to Lydia) What's going on with them?

Lydia grabs Stiles's hand and walks him to the other side of the lot.

Lydia: It's complicated.

Stiles: Are they dating? What about Kira?

Lydia: She sent him a letter a while back telling him that he shouldn't wait for her. She doesn't know when she'll come back.

Stiles: Another question.

Lydia: Yeah?

Stiles: Why didn't you call me when things were getting this bad?

Lydia: (looks down) I had my reasons. We had our reasons.

Stiles: I'm going to need more than that.

Lydia: (looks at Stiles) I didn't want anything to happen to you. After what happened with the ghost riders, it would kill me if I lost you again.

Stiles grabs Lydia and hugs her tightly. He thens, passionately kisses her.

Stiles: I love you, Lydia. You're everything to me, and I never want to cause you pain. But you can't keep stuff from me to protect me. You wouldn't want me to do that to you. Yeah, I'm not a werewolf, banshee, or whatever the hell Theo is, but I think I have proven myself in battle over and over again.

Lydia: I love you, Stiles. I'm sorry, you're right. Scott or I should had called you. But we can't dwell on the past. We have a war to worry about. It's getting really bad.

Stiles: Let's focus on that.

Lydia and Stiles start walking back to the pack, holding hands. Scott is still kneeling by Deucalion.

Scott: I'm sorry that I couldn't saved you. I failed you.

Deucalion opens his eyes and starts to cough, startling Scott.

Deucalion: Scott, you didn't failed me.

Scott: But you're dying because of me.

Deucalion: No, I'm not.

Scott: What?

Deucalion lifts up his shirt to reveal a bullet proof vest. He stands up.

Deucalion: This isn't my first rodeo with hunters. The reason why hunters used guns and arrows is so they don't have to get close to us to kill us. So I came prepared.

Malia: So, wait. Why didn't you give one to me or Scott?

Deucalion: You didn't ask.

Malia: How are we supposed to ask for something that we didn't know was an option?

Deucalion: You're fighting a war. You have to think of everything. One misstep and you're done.

Scott: Will you help us come up with a new plan?

Deucalion: I'm sorry, I can't. You're on your own. I did all I can.

Derek: What would my mother think of you abandoning us when we need you the most?

Deucalion: Talia would had done the same thing.

Derek: What?

Deucalion: I'm not abandoning you. I'm stepping down. You think you need me when you don't. I will only be hindering you. The true alpha and leader is Scott, not me. (looks at Scott and puts his hand on Scott's shoulder) Scott, you got this. Believe in yourself and your pack. From what I've seen, no pack is stronger than yours. Combine your strengths.

Deucalion starts walking away.

Scott: Deucalion!

Deucalion turns around.

Scott: Stay safe.

Deucalion: (smiles and nods) You too. Good luck!

Deucalion leaves. Lydia and Stiles return. Stiles winks at Scott and pulls him in closer for a hug.

Peter: This love fest has been fun, but I'm out of here. Let me know when you have a plan.

Peter walks away.

Stiles: What was Peter doing here?

Scott: He is going to help us.

Stiles: You must be desperate to ask for his help.

Scott: Yeah, we kinda are.

Derek: Scott, we need to talk.

Scott: What is it?

Derek: Kate's back too.

Lydia: That bitch is back?

Derek: And she's after Scott.

Stiles: What else is new? She's always after Scott.

Derek: Yeah, but this time she has yellow wolfsbane.

Scene 2

Location: Armory

Gerard is walking back and forth waiting on news that's Scott is dead. Monroe rushes in.

Gerard: (grinning) Is he finally dead?

Monroe: Unfortunately no.

Gerard: NO??!! How hard is it to kill an alpha?

Monroe: I don't know. You tell me. You haven't been able to kill him yet either.

Gerard: You watch your tone with me, girl.

Monroe: Sorry. It won't happen again. Two guys appeared in a Jeep that we weren't expecting. One was really skinny and had a baseball bat, and the other had a beard and was built.

Gerard: A jeep? Sounds like that annoying kid Stiles.

Monroe: Stiles? Sheriff Stilinski's son?

Gerard: Yes. And I have to assume the other guy is Derek. Kate told me she ran into him earlier.

Kate walks in.

Kate: Talking about me? (looks at Monroe) What's she doing here?

Monroe: It's none of your damn business. You're one of them. I should just kill you now.

Kate: Oh honey, you can try, but I'll slash your throat before you pull the trigger.

Kate extends her claws and Monroe takes out her gun.

Gerard: ENOUGH!!

Kate and Monroe look at Gerard.

Gerald: Monroe tell me that the hunters are in place.

Monroe: It's all taken care of. We have hunters everywhere. Scott and his pack won't know what hit them.

Gerard: (smiles) Good.

They discuss their plan. A person unseen to them is watching and then leaves.

Scene 3

Location: Lot

Lydia: What do we do next?

Scott: We need to find the others.

A woman's voice: That's going to be a problem.

Everyone turns around.

Scott: (smiles) Braeden.

Braeden: Hi.

Commercial break.

Scott: It's so great to see you. Are you here to help?

Braeden: Yeah, and I brought back up.

A girl start walking towards them.

Lydia: No, it can't be.

Scott: Kira!

Kira: Hi everyone. I'm here. Obviously you know I'm here, I'm standing right in front of you. You can see me with your own eyes. Two eyes. (Everyone stares amusingly at her) I'm rambling again. I'm sorry. I'm going to shut up now.

Scott runs to her, picks her up and gives her the biggest hug.

Scott: I missed you so much.

Kira: I missed you too.

Scott: Please tell me you're staying.

Kira: Uh..

Malia: My turn now.

Scott puts Kira down and Malia hugs her. Then Lydia and Stiles.

Braeden looks around.

Braeden: Where's Isaac?

Derek: I thought he was with you.

Braeden: He was supposed to meet us here.

Scene 4

Location: Beacon Heights (night)

A cab pulls up to a high school. A man gets out of the cab and looks around his surroundings. He's extremely confused.

Isaac: This doesn't look like Beacon Hills.

Cab driver: It's Beacon Heights.

Isaac: I said Beacon Hills not heights. Beacon Heights sounds like the name of a town in a badly made spin-off of pretty little liars.

Two girls walk by.

Girl 1: You watch pretty little liars?

Girl: What a loser!

Isaac: Hey! Pretty little liars is my guilty pleasure, ok? I'm not going to be shame for it.

Girl 1: That show sucks!

Isaac: I'm not denying that. And you know what?

Girl 2: What?

Isaac: You suck too. Yeah, I said it.

The two girls give him the finger and walk away.

Cab driver: Very classy. Now pay up.

Isaac: But you didn't take me to the right place.

Cab driver: Yes I did.

He show Isaac the receipt he signed earlier.

Isaac: So, can I get a ride to Beacon Hills?

Cab driver: I'm not driving to a town that's a day away.

Isaac: What? I'm supposed to be there tonight.

Cab driver: There's no way you'll make it. Now pay up and go.

Isaac: Fine.

He looks at the price and his eyes bulged.

Isaac: Oh my god!

Cab driver: What is it?

Isaac points and looks in horror at the trunk. The cab driver gets out of the cab and heads to the trunk. Isaac quickly walks to the driver's side and gets in. He takes off in the cab with the driver running after him yelling. Isaac looks back.

Isaac: (shouts) Sorry! I'll bring back your cab eventually.

Isaac doesn't pay attention and crashes the cab into a hydrant.

Isaac: My life sucks.

Scene 5

Location: Lot

Braeden: We can't wait for Isaac. We need to start going over strategies immediately.

Scott: We need to find a place. We can't stay here. The hunters might come back.

Braeden: I was at the armory and I overheard Gerard's plan. They have hunters all over the place. It's not safe anywhere.

Scott: Then where do we go?

Chris shows up.

Chris: I might know a place.

Commercial break.

Scene 6

Location: Argent’s house from season 1

Chris leads the group to a bunker full of hunter supplies underneath his old house.

Scott: Does anyone else know about this place?

Chris: Just me. I built it myself.

Scott: You built this by yourself?

Chris: I was bored. Needed something to do.

Stiles: You need to be bored more often. This place is awesome!

In the bunker, there are bookcases full of hunter books, a wall full of weapons, multiple tv screens on the opposite wall, a high tech computer and a desk. Everyone looks impressed.

Stiles checks out the tv screens.

Stiles: Does your computer work?

Chris: Yes.

Stiles: Good. I can hacked into the security cameras all over the town.

Derek: Did you learned that in your FBI training?

Stiles: I learned it from one of my classmates. That's how I saved your sorry ass.

Derek: You didn't saved my sorry ass. I saved your sorry ass.

Stiles: That's not how I remembered it.

Stiles's flashback

Stiles and Derek are seen running from two hunters. Derek trips over a small pebble. Derek starts crying.

Derek: (sobbing) Just go on without me.

Stiles: (posing like a superhero) Not on my watch!

Stiles picks up Derek and starts running.

Derek: My hero!

End flashback.

Derek: That's not what happened.

Stiles: I'm sorry Derek. It happened exactly like that.

Derek: This is how it really went down.

Derek's flashback

Stiles and Derek are seen running from a group of hunters. They get cornered. Derek starts fighting the hunters and getting the upper hand while Stiles just cries. Derek knocks out the last hunter.

Stiles: Derek, you're my hero.

Derek: I know. I'm everybody's hero.

Stiles hugs Derek.

End flashback.

Stiles: I didn't hug you. (Looks at rest of the pack) I didn't hug him. (Looks at Derek) And I didn't called you a hero. Isaac is more of a hero than you.

Derek: Yeah, sure.

They start mocking each other.

Scott: We need to focus. Stiles, you need to hack into the security cameras. Check the hospital first.

Stiles: Right on it.

Static fills the screens.

Scott: What's going on?

Stiles: I don't know.

Gerard appears on the screens. Everyone steps back.

Gerard: Aww! Look at this family reunion. You should thank me for bringing you back together.

Scott: Let's meet in person so we can personally thank you.

Gerard: All in due time, my friend, all in due time.

Scott: What do you want Gerard?

Gerard: A little bit impatient are you?

Scott: You're not one for small talk. Get on with it.

Gerard: Were you expecting visitors from London?

Stiles: Who's from London?

Gerard shows footage of Jackson.

Lydia: Jackson!

Stiles: You can keep him.

Gerard: How's your mother doing Scott?

Scott: You leave her alone.

Gerard: We have hunters everywhere.

Gerard shows footage of Parrish trapped in a cell in Eichen house guarded by 3 deputies, footage of agent McCall in jail, footage of hunters storming the hospital, and footage of hunters at the school.

Gerard: You can't save them all.

Scott: You won't win.

Gerard: I already did.

Stiles turns off the screens.

Kira: What do we do now?

Scott: We fight!

Commercial break.

Scene 7

Location: Armory

Monroe: How can we ambush them now if they know that we have hunters waiting for them?

Gerard: You already tried to ambush them, how did that go?

Monroe: Not well.

Gerard: You need to stop questioning my plans. I know what I'm doing. This time my plan will work.

Monroe: What's the new plan?

Gerard: Scott is not going to leave any of his pack members behind. He will try to save them all. His pack is strong together, but separate them and it leaves them all vulnerable. An alpha is not as strong without a pack. When he send his members to save the others, then we'll attack. I want you to go to the school. That's where Scott will be. Take this.

Gerard hands Monroe a bullet.

Monroe: What's this?

Kate: A bullet, dumbass.

Gerard: Yellow wolfsbane is in the bullet. It should be more than enough to kill an alpha.

Kate: Why are you giving her the wolfsbane? I should be the one to use it on Scott.

Gerard: I trust her more than you.

Monroe: I won't let you down.

Gerard: You better not. There won't be another chance.

Scene 8

Location: Bunker

Malia and Stiles are on the phone.

Malia: (On phone with Peter) We'll meet you at the school as soon as we can. Watch out for the hunters and the Anuk-ite. Stay safe.

Stiles: (On phone with his dad) Parrish is being held in a cell in Eichen house by three of your deputies. Be careful dad.

Malia and Stiles end their calls and return to the group.

Stiles: I need more information on this Anuk-ite. What is it?

Scott: It's a creature that spreads fear and paranoia. When it was two halves, anyone who went near it, experience tremendous amount of fear. But now that the two halves are one, it uses your fear against you and then when you look at it, it turns you to stone.

Stiles: How do we defeat it?

Scott: I don't know yet. But I have a theory. If we can destroy it or at least trap it again, the townspeople will stop hunting us.

Stiles: Good in theory but..

Scott: What?

Stiles: What happens if you're wrong? What if they don't stop hunting us?

Scott: I don't know. I have to believe that the only reason why they want us dead is because of the Anuk-ite. I have to believe that there's still good in them and they just scared of the unknown.

Stiles: I'm assuming you have a plan.

Scott: Don't I always?

Scott starts telling everyone the plan.

Scene 9

Location: High school

Peter enters the front doors. He sees multiple statues in the hallway. He walks up to a statue and realizes it was a hunter. He walks to another statue and hears a voice behind him.

Talia: You are a big disgrace to this family. You don't deserve to call yourself a Hale.

Peter: (whimpering) I'm sorry Talia.

Peter turns around and sees the Anuk-ite. The Anuk-ite eyes glows and turns Peter to stone. The Anuk-ite turns it's head sideways and looks at Peter.

Scene 10

Location: Bunker

Everyone is gathered in a circle.

Scott: Everyone knows their assignments?

Everyone nods. Scott smiles.

Scott: Before we go…

Stiles: No speeches. Anything you say is going to sound like a goodbye speech. I don't think any of us can handle that.

Scott: Fine. No speech. We'll going to win this.

Stiles and Lydia start to leave. Stiles turns around and winks at Scott. Then Derek and Braeden leave. Then Chris followed by Malia and Kira. Scott starts leaving and looks back at the bunker.

Scott: Showtime!

To be continue...