#getting back to some dms too...
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2025 is about entering your unhinged era.
#❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⧽ — ooc.#spoke a lot abt things i wanted to write last year ... abt the freaky side of dynamics too. i think now is the perf opportunity to explore#those. starting off by coming on here and picking what i want to reply to tonight#getting back to some dms too...#my typing is slow atm because i am multitasking#because my cat has demanded some affection so just how could i say no to that?#this year i say ... give me some unhinged plots. lets have a new kind of fun!#the new muses i have will probs only contribute to this so....
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toodeee
everything is transient. only an easy to draw guy is forever
#gorillaz#2d#stuart pot#gorillaz 2d#admin draws#fanart#needed a palate cleanser from my current fixation. came back to my roots#lore that i dont really get to talk about a lot outside of dms is that gorillaz is like a cornerstone of my art lol esp post 2018#ive had 4 main inspirations which are gorillaz phases 2-3. soul eater. homestuck. and a friend of mine. he knows who he is.#come to think of it 2018 is in some ways the year i really started drawing. 3/4 inspirations walked into my life that year#bc of this when i went to make a separate blog for art it became part of my username. slav-hewlett#ive had several dreams in which jamie hewlett just is there and gives me art advice and a few kind words. damon is usually there too#theyre a pack deal do not separate etc. those dreams are always really nice.#contrary to how much i draw 2d mudz is my favorite. its just that dear ol stu is very fun and much easier to draw#i should give murdoc a fair shot though. now that ive got the chops. theres been attempts thru the year but none were posted
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Oc design commission for Coffee 😊
#I've had some veeeeery difficult weeks with some family issues#but everything is getting better now and I'm back to work 😊#I'll resume my commissions work these next days to coming. back with some canon drawings too#thank you for the patience and the love ❤️#commission#transformers#oc#decepticons#maccadam#autobots#I'm open again for commissions!! send me a dm if you are interested 😊
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#hi im j here 2 talk . saw this cow yday so i drew her and now u get 2 say hi#but omffgg my gd i dont know if any of u relate but i feel like my ability to socialize w others#specifically online and speciifically in interest-circles has gotten so much harder for no reason whatsoever#like im just becoming more self conscious ab how i portray myself and its so weird bc like . LIKEE I DONT KNOW like . ok#people r super njce . always super nice and reach out to me and talk w me or i reach out first and they respond and r soo sweet#and something happens in my brain where like . i feel like im suddenly like . inserting myself where i dont belong (not true) but why am i#the bus driver all of a sudden . in all of these situations . me when i just show up like hey#i think i j feel annoying >__< . and i dont want to bother other people but said people r literally never bothered ykwim like Will Reach Out#and im the one that pulls back but 4 no reason . i cant even think ab why i do that .why am i doing this 🧨#so many ppl i want to genuinely befriend in all of these spaces but im self sabotaging soo frwaking bad#literally rn thinking of some dms i left on read bc i panicked or mutuals ive talked w before who im nervous 2 be familiar w . hrmm#anyways . i kind of wish i had the ability 2 just talk to new people and not actually gaf ab the outcome#HELPP .. early tmblr or wcf or devart where u have thirty million friends 2 now where u r too scared 2 say hi to an almost friend .#me problem though . if not alr clear HEJAHHAAHA i think part of my reluctance also stems from the fact that i know i get this way#and so i dont want 2 rope someone else into that insecurity so i try to keep it at an arms length until i fix it#but i think i also know its a longer & more introspective thing to work on so i do need to just try anyways
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hello hello!! your fic pez dispenser debris brings me immense joy. and i wanna know if the other nejire and tamaki will be showing up. id love to see their reactions to fucking #leku. and i’d love to hear your thoughts on them in general if you have any to spare. the big three have such a fun dynamic to me.
Tamaki will appear. I’m not fully settled on Nejire. In my mind, she moved to Kyoto not long after she graduated but keeps in very close touch (if you read the battle of Yokohama posts, she was there during that fight because she was visiting Her Boys and insisted on a Big Three Sleep Over, which is why the three of them were together when Izuku called to begin with). They have a group chat that she started blowing up when the Leku news hit. All of them are painfully, violently aware of the fact Mirio is absolutely not dating Izuku and also of the fact that Mirio’s probably close to drowning himself at the mere thought.
I do really like the idea of the Big Three having been sort of outcasts before they were the big three, and I think canon supports this reading. They were all sort of the weird kids. They were each other’s only friends. After they started rising in the ranks, they became more popular, but they all consider the others their main people.
I also like the idea that they became the Big Three because of each other.
They were friends before they were the big three. And it’s not a coincidence that the big three were all already friends. They pushed each other to grow in their skills and surpass everyone else.
The reason why they haven’t been more present in pez is actually the same reason why I didn’t have them open a hero agency together: they all need to grow separately from the others for a bit.
Like. Here’s Mirio, with two very skilled and experienced heroes at his side, waiting for Izuku to graduate so he can start his agency. Why not go into business with the friends he’s already been fighting with for years?
I see the Big Three as people who all, for one reason or another, decided that they needed to learn how to be strong on their own at the start of their career.
Take Tamaki. He’s childhood friends with Mirio. He was briefly referenced in one of the tumblr posts as one of Mirio’s staunchest advocates after he lost his Quirk. So why isn’t he heroes with Mirio?
Well, he sort of is. He’s got a mutual support agreement with him.
Time to derail into my favorite topic: the economic models underpinning fictional societies. As you can probably guess I’m great at parties.
Mutual support agreements are contractual devices that I came up with in response to the convoluted economic structure of heroics compensation I discussed a few posts ago. In that post, I discussed independent/underground v. agency models with respect to public compensation and how I think that there’s an impossibly complicated matrix that grants heroes portions of the local budget based on their statistics. Briefly, I discussed how that calculation would cause conflict with big name heroes taking credit for their sidekicks’ work because agencies would necessarily need to be counted as one entity for the purposes of public funding.
What happens when multiple agencies are involved in the same incident?
As a reminder, the reason why they need to assign credit for a bust to one individual is because agencies are funded as a whole. This is a grant system that’s meant to be more than just about paying a salary—the government is providing funds meant to go towards an office space, supplies, everything. You could not give everyone in an agency public funding separate checks under that model. Public funding is made out to the agency as a whole and it’s up to the agency as to how to use it. But if you have six people from the same agency who all register the exact same take down because they all participated—well now you’ve got the one job reported six times over for the same filing entity. That’s going to horrifically skew the funding calculation. The government’s paying for the same bust six times over and you just incentivized hero agencies to send their people all to do the same job because it pays the same to have six guys stop one criminal as it does to have six guys stop six different criminals separately.
But hey—sometimes it’s a six guy job. That would more appropriately be considered an enhancement to a job’s relative difficulty than it would be to giving credit for a takedown. After all, the same job could require “six guys” or “one All Might.” If you focus on the number of heroes an agency uses in a job than you do on how difficult that job actually is, then you’re inadvertently penalizing better heroes because Mid Tier Agency needed six guys to handle what you did on your own, but since they needed six whole guys they get paid more for the same thing that you could do solo.
But the reason for this one man credit structure is because you’re getting one check for the government per agency. But what about when heroes from different agencies team up? Big Hero is not sharing a government funding check with Even Bigger Hero, and there’s absolutely no way that every single team up is just fucking pro bono for everyone but one guy. That’d make it impossible. So the same job would have to get counted multiple times when it involved different heroic entities.
The fact that you were teamed up instead of solo would go into the relative value calculation of each independent job. You get the full pot if you’re solo, but if you’re sharing the load, you’re sharing the credit. But at the same time, how much credit you get would also have to be determined on a case by case basis. Like. A hero that evacuated three civilians contributed to a fight, but they in no way should get equal credit and compensation to All Might, who fought the entire villain team solo.
So say Big Hero Agency and Bigger Hero Agency are doing a team up for the good of Japan. Big Hero Agency initiated the investigation, did most of the legwork, and invited Bigger Hero Agency onto the job. However, when it came to actually fighting, Bigger Hero Agency absolutely carried the day. Big Hero Agency would have been dust if Bigger Hero Agency hadn’t been there.
Who deserves more credit and compensation?
There is probably some kind of governmental dispute/appeal board to settle disputes about compensation, but like. As someone who does government work. The government’s absolute favorite thing to say is “we are not babysitting you, fucking figure it out like big boys.” They’ll have a way to resolve disputes, but they will also heavily incentivize voluntary agreement amongst the parties.
Planned team ups probably have legal working shit out ahead of time. Spontaneous team ups or heroes stealing each other’s fights a la Mount Lady and Kamui Woods in the pilot are probably the biggest headaches.
But what about heroes that are always teaming up? They’re your go to. Your homeboy. The daredevil to your Spider-Man. You don’t file your paperwork together, but you’re still always fighting side by side. Are you renegotiating who gets credit for what in every single little fight?
Fuck no. That’s a huge pain in the ass. Enter the mutual support agreement. It’s a contract that has a bunch of clauses meant to help streamline deciding who gets credit for what and resolve disputes before they happen.
You wouldn’t just want this for compensation purposes. Say Big Hero commits the hero equivalent of police brutality. Now he’s being sued. He’s apparently not that big of a hero as the name implies, because he’s got no fucking money. You want more money for your client, so you need a deeper pocket to pull from. At the time of the incident, he was working with Bigger Hero Agency. They’re not the same agency, but it was Bigger Heroes bust, and they work together all the time. Big Hero is basically one of Bigger Heroes employees hidden behind a different corporate structure. Should Bigger Hero be liable for Big Hero?
That’s a big fucking court case that can be headed off at the pass by the fact that Bigger Hero put indemnification and liability clauses in its mutual support agreement. There’s a lot of issues that would arise from the practice of heroics that you’d want to govern ahead of time with a contract. So you sign a mutual support agreement.
But the silly little fake tumblr post also said they weren’t popular and mostly agencies like Idaten used them. So why is that?
Frankly, because it’s not very worth agencies while to team up with other agencies on the regular. The system doesn’t incentivize it.
If you have all of your own sidekicks on a job, you can steal credit from them. The same is not true for heroes from other agencies. You get more public funding if you staff a job with all people from your agency instead of having part of the credit go to other agencies. And you get to stand in front of the cameras and say “Big Hero Has Saved The City Again” instead of having to say “Thank You To Our Dear Friends From Bigger Hero Agency Who Carried This Team.”
Idaten is the exception because, well. It doesn’t care. Idaten’s priority is cultivating the necessary talent and teamwork needed to get the job done. It doesn’t care if it has to go outside of the agency for that. Fuck, Tensei’s canonically willing to reach out to vigilantes. Its genuine focus is saving people, so it goes against the grain of what the system incentivizes.
Mirio and Tamaki have a mutual support agreement. They’re out working together so much that Fat Gum’s agency approved an overall disliked mechanism to facilitate their team ups. They are heroes together—so why aren’t they in an agency together?
I think Tamaki wanted to spend his first year in heroics forcing himself out of his comfort zone so he’d improve. Fat Gum will force him in front of the cameras. He’s focusing on learning how to communicate effectively with the public and with the media, and Fat Gum has the sort of resources and infrastructure where Tamaki can devote the time to learning that and improving. If he was in an agency with Mirio, he’d use Mirio as a crutch to hide from something he genuinely wants to improve in. Fat Gum forces him to grow.
Mirio himself sort of had to go independent. For one, he and Izuku decided to start their agency not too long after Mirio got his license. It was before Mirio debuted. Izuku had just finished his first year. No one knew who either of them were, and they had no clue just how famous they’d both become before Izuku graduated.
They both figured they’d be a couple of nobody heroes with a dinky little agency right out the gate of Izuku’s graduation and were sort of genuinely excited at the prospect. They’d just be heroes together, which is all they wanted. They’d figured no one would give a shit about them until well after they started their agency and started working and that Izuku would have 0 offers to work elsewhere because he wasn’t even going to apply to agencies. So Mirio decided he’d stay independent until Izuku graduated so he wouldn’t be tied up in an agency contracts and they could just start fresh.
The other reason is that most agencies wouldn’t touch Mirio with a ten foot pole because he was Quirkless, and even with the ones that would, he suspected they’d sideline or coddle him because he was Quirkless. Being independent meant he could do whatever the hell he pleased. So he bought the Mirio Mom Van and, for a brief, glorious moment, convinced All Might to supervise their bullshit so he could start going on jobs with Izuku (students have to be supervised by heroes with a teaching license, which he wouldn’t be eligible for for the first three years of his career, except in exigent circumstances. He couldn’t have Izuku as an intern himself but All Might sure could). For a few beautiful weeks it was just Mirio, Izuku, and fucking All Might in the Mirio Mom Van going on stakeouts, all wearing the world’s stupidest mustaches. The UA internship program revoked permission for this arrangement not long after it started formally out of concerns for the legality of this arrangement since All Might was no longer an active duty hero, informally because All Might, Izuku, and Mirio is the stupidest and most reckless combination fucking imaginable and they are killing Aizawa from the stress they are killing him. So now Mirio works alone while he waits for Izuku to be fully licensed.
Nejire I kind of see as someone who moved away from her hometown right out of the gate of graduation but visited home very frequently, which is why she moved to Kyoto after graduation but was having a fucking sleepover at Mirio’s place when Yokohama happened. She takes the bullet train back at least once a month and spends the weekend bumming on Mirio or Tamaki’s couch. I think she wanted to see who she was away from home and there’d never be a better time to do it. I also think she’ll move back so that way she can work more fully with Her Boys one day, but wanted to push herself out of the familiar first.
All of the trio’s reasons for not working together quite yet are mutable, to be clear. Tamaki just wanted the experience early in his career or he knew he’d never learn the public relation skills he wanted to get. Nejire also just wanted the experience somewhere else before she put down real roots somewhere and is liable to move back to be with her friends and family. And Mirio’s on the verge of opening his own agency, so he doesn’t have to worry about getting sidelined by his boss anymore or getting tied up in a bad contract.
#pez dispenser debris#from the rest of the trios perspective Mirio now has twenty baby ducklings he is responsible for#it is adorable#also does any soulless media conglomerate out there want to pay me to just overthink the mechanics of their fictional universe because that#all I want to do really. I’ll come up with economic structures for you that only I care about#dm me disney#Tamaki and Nejire aren’t as close with class a as Mirio is but that’s because there’s no competing with Mirio#those are His Kids#in the aftermath of Yokohama some HPSC drones try pulling some bullshit with Iida and Mirio immediately gets in their face#those are his fucking kids. like he’s Izuku’s Big Brother but he’s sort of everyone’s big brother just to a lesser degree. he’ll take care#of all of them. those are his little brothers best friends of course he’s got their back too. the entire class loves him.#Nejire and Tamaki were also super involved in Mirio’s retraining process after he lost his quirk. like Izuku was his number one training#buddy because Izuku greeted him with an Energy and a comprehensive training plan and then dragged the rest of his class in on it too#but Tamaki and Nejire supported him and trained with him every step of the way. they were so fucking proud of him and they’re both his#staunchest defenders. they’re the kind of people who are friends forever even if they’re not together#so they both got super involved with class a by proximity because they all were involved in Mirio’s training#ngl both Izuku and Mirio miss the time before they were stupid famous#like they’ve never had more fun as heroes than sitting in Mirio’s fucking mom van with fucking All Might in the backseat with no one in the#world giving a shit about what they were up to. it was peak grunge hero chic they loved it. all might loved it. the only one who didn’t lov#it was Aizawa because they were killing him they were actually killing him. what do you MEAN all might got out of the car too and fought he#doesn’t have a STOMACH. what do you MEAN it was for old times sake and he can still throw a great punch. WHAT DO YOU MEAN they were low#level loser thugs and it was a bonding experience. HE DOESNT HAVE A STOMACH LEAVE HIM IN THE VAN. that was before they told him about all#the bullshit Mirio and Izuku did together. Aizawa got an ulcer from that time of his life. he told nedzu he could revoke the internship#program’s consent to the arrangement or he could bury yagi because one way or another he was putting a stop to this and nedzu could pick#how he did it. Aizawa needs rest he is so so tired he swears to god other classes weren’t like this#every morning he wakes up and Bakugou is a meme okay he needs to address his stress levels where he can. he is gods strongest soldier but#that does not mean he wants this many battles. can he. can he have less battles
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the reason why i love dynamics that fall into the whole: "somebody has to leave first. this is a very old story. there is no other version of this story" quote is simple: when me and my partner get to write it, we get to break its truth.
one of my biggest things when I get to write ships etc is that my muses become very much: everything for their lover first. i also tend to read/watch/play through the source material with some ship tinted glasses at the back. it's why i keep to a mutual shipping with one version of a portrayal basis because its important to me that i get to think this all with my partners particular portrayal in mind.
it doesn't have to be solely for good ( see yasu.ke in dr) and can twist in plenty of ways. but the recognition of the ship having the poem moment means we're able to as a pair make something together that disproves that. writing a muse discovering that this fate is defied is a beautiful thing!
#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#perks of shipping with me: i dont shut up abt them in my head and have them always in mind in chara content#i write long replies to everything which i think am getting better at more and more#cons: i need to get back to my dms to plot them more ...#ive spent so long on the pc today so i am taking a break this evening to reaaad. i havent finished sunrise on the reap.ing yet and thats#on the to do list - maybe with some eventual hunger games aus#ill write some hcs abt my charas too#my queue finishes here tomorrow and starts back up on danga.er on monday ... i did 9 drafts today chat i hope ur proud of me 🥰#ill also go through my tags / notifs today for anything i missed. starting to get back into that habit lol ❤️
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had a really funny idea for an ask blog ft. Vanny and another plex employee oc,,
#Get this right. 2 pizzaplex employees accidentally get tumblr famous bc someone has been leaving weird graffiti everywhere and#Getting up to other shenanigans and sends asks abt it to this one like urban exploration blog. Who later gets an ask basically like#Hey I work at the plex?? This is some insider info only another employee would know????#The two anons are constantly back and forth in this persons inbox and are eventually assigned nicknames#‘Pix’ for the mystery vandalism employee because she shows up as nothing but weird pixels and glitches on cameras#The other employee is ‘Cam’ because they have been monitoring all this on the cameras#One day they get each others blogs and keep sending each other death threats and shit jokingly but one day pix warns cam not to go to a#Weird late staff meeting#The next night it is literally just the two of them and they think this is so funny they start a blog trying to uncover why everyone else#Just isn’t coming in. At first they are like well layoffs duhhhh#But then ppl send asks and messages like ‘hey have u seen this employee it’s my brother/friend/etc’ and they realize shit is actually going#On in here#One night cam is live-blogging their shift and sees a weird intruder in a costume with a knife and runs around eventually escaping and find#Pix lying at the bottom of a stairwell unconscious with a bloody nose later#Takes pix to the hospital. Only to be alone in the plex the next night and suddenly get a phone call saying that pix left the hospital. Bc#Pix left cam as the emergency contact because ‘she didn’t have anyone else’.#Cam has to survive the masked intruder#eventually starts recording everything but when the intruder gets closer the footage gets glitchier#Eventually there’s just one fuzzy image of the intruder with Roxy and Monty standing on either side and that’s the last we hear of cam. Nex#Post is pix saying hehe thanks for following our little story aha !! Bye now it’s over!! And that’s it…..heheheheh#Killer rab blog has become a little boring for me so… might start this soon….#I’d have to make like 2 blogs plus some fake dms too probably . Damn
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Man, I still remember participating in one of the many jjba zines that I took part in and how my piece was placed as the first page (for the second time) and how one of my mutuals/artists that I’ve always admired, hit me with the “oh… you’re on the front page again… 😅…” like man, that kind of killed me lmfao. I never got over it like man, what was that about.
#it’s not like i put the books together myself or anything all my ass did was submit my work#like this was from a really popular and well known artist as well like#their art has always been so gorgeous to me too I was like ‘I’m literally a nobody is this person really being shady or…’#rambling#I guess it’s nice being in a zine with ppl I don’t know or care to get to know at least now 😭… just submitting my art and running#referring to the jjk zine 😭 I need t start working on it uhh#zines make me feel so anxious man#it really did make me feel bad and almost guilty? I was like this is kind of awkward…#another zine I was in which was run by a mutual… well… I never even got my zine in the mail#and I even sent them $20 for some merch that they were making since I wanted to support and never got that either…#they deleted their blog but I see that they remade and draw a lot of DM and have a lot of popular posts here so it’s kind of awkward seeing#their art shared on the dash sometimes skeks#we’re still mutuals on Twitter but I don’t rly want to ask about my zine again or the $20 bucks#it’s okay like I owe other ppl stuff too I’m a late bird man but still loskekk#they were the mod for the zine too#I might hit them up again I guess I still love their art and they were always fun to talk to#there was another zine that I participated in where we had to purchase our own copy bro#i remember being so annoyed by that but went ahead and bought it anyway#I was invited to this zine so it made me even more annoyed#I#Guess it didn’t make its money back#or something like that but I remember being broke at the time and was pissed that I had to pay for my own book#I didn’t buy any of the merch because why when it was supposed to be free#if you’re participating in a zine the book and merch should be free
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I think online mutual culture is killing some of you
#it has been for a long time#you don't owe anyone a follow#and people don't owe you that either... and regardless if you're friendly with them ie interacting constantly or not#these are real people you don't know very well and that is FINE!#if someone doesn't follow back that doesn't mean they hate you... and you shouldn't be self conscious about it#it's ok! you don't have to be scared of embarrassing yourself by reblogging something you like#you shouldn't be terrified of getting unfollowed or vagued or anything at all. and most people aren't mean about it#and you can interact with someone positively without following them or vice versa#like at the end of the day none of this is real#again it's different when you are actually friends and even if you aren't it's nice to just follow and interact i know! i agree#but there's this obsession with mutual followings that used to be even more prevalent on here#it's moved to twitter for the most part i feel but it'll still be here forever.#unfortunately for some people being online is just playing a game of Not Getting Unfollowed#and in case anyone gets scared this isn't a vague post this is just something i notice a little more every day#kinblr was obsessed with this especially and now that it's dying out i see this substantially less but its presence is still overwhelming#and i'm not saying DON'T care about people. it's fun to have mutuals you're just chill with but you know#don't get in over your head about it! you shouldn't be obsessed with cultivating the ultimate online persona just to appease everybody#but also go dm that mutual. make friends. talk to people. shyness and paranoia will steal your life away#and if you don't click it's no big deal. there's always someone out there for you. i promise this is true. +you can still follow each other#nobody makes follow forevers anymore. free yourself#and if we're mutuals i care about you! but that goes for everyone else too#once again this isn't me trying to diss anyone i just think some people take the follow button too seriously
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hii! Will you ever post textless minigrams again? It was very helpful but idk why you stopped doing it... Thanks for your reply in advance!
a lot of my minigrams, when i remove the text, ill do the bare minimum and cover up weird parts with the words. im not very confident in my blanks >_< and i worry people dont really care enough to make it worth properly doing
also i deleted a lot of my older minigrams recently cuz it was clogging up ibispaint so i just dont. have those anymore lol
if someone requested one from me directly (like over dm or ask) id be happy to make it but otherwise it just feels like wasted effort 😔
#minigram#i love love love getting messages from people who want to use my stuff !!!#i got a dm from a fandub thing where they asked to use my translation#i was gonna make a whole side acc to post textless minigrams at some point but its a Lot of effort to catch up#i Could just put my half assed versions out as i make them but it just feels wrong to post only some and not one for every minigram ever#idk im kinda yapping#anyways if someone wants something specifc you can always ask !! i dont bite i promise i love making !!!#ik how it feels 2 want content thats right there but be too shy to ask or whatever is holding me back#so i hope being able to anon ask 4 it is okay ♡︎♡︎ will happily accept a simple “can i have a blank of minigram 48?”
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okok more meme answers tomorrow night, ty all for ur continued patience ♡
#kept getting games before i could get much progress on the two i did get done#but i'm also super picky and can spend like 30 mins generating different quotes before i find one i like enough to use afkjsd#but ye i'm figuring i'll do the incorrect quotes... then the texting prompts... then slowly (finally) pick at some other stuff?#fuck i have dms that need replies too#this is what i get for dissociating off the face of the earth for another week#getting my shit back together tho. slowly. ...and as well as i can considering my shit is all over the place on a GOOD day aksjfdsj#but i'm beating back the urge to stay up all night gaming so that's SOMEthing right?#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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thinking really hard about logging into my old tumblr acc after being gone for like a year and a half cause i stumbled upon a post that led me to my old mutuals and i teared up a lil </3 but also i feel so ashamed i left without saying a word to anyone aaaa
#like i genuinely feel so bad for simply disappearing from people's lives :c#i used to talk to some of them daily and like even had plans to see one of them on holiday to another country?? like that level of close#and then well my mental health went to shit i took a semester off uni and disappeared from my irl friends' lives too for a good 6 months#some of my mutuals had my ig and we followed each other but i also haven't really been there much since dissappearing last year so#but i just snooped into some of their accounts and seeeing what they're up to made me want to talk to them sooo bad#everyone was so cool and kind and i miss them so much it's just i feel so guilty and also don't even know if i'm able to mantain constant#contact and conversations with people now. like it's been even hard for me to stay in touch with my irl friends aaa#why must my brain hate me so much and not let me socialize !! i used to be such an extroverted person what the fuck happened!!#i know some of them messaged me worried and i felt so guilty for not responding but i saw those dms when i was very much deppressed#so i never answered and now i feel like it's too late GOD!!#anyways at least it was nice snooping and seeing how they're doing i genuinely wish them only good things they're fucking great#maybe i just need to suck it up and just go back and talk to people again but i get so overwhelmed just thinking about it!!#okay it's like 4 am i'm posting this and maybe deleting it in the morning sorry for the rant i just am feeling a lot !!
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My gf is the GM of a cool little ttrpg group I'm in, but she's been busy this week and the session was going to be cancelled
I couldn't deal with losing the weekly game night, so I asked if I could GM a "beach episode" (which ended up being a holiday episode actually since I've now written it)
I've never been a GM before. I want to, desperately, but it's daunting. So I figured a holiday episode would be a really good start!
It's two days before the session. I've never been a GM. Never planned a session. I got the idea while procrastinating my job and immediately asked my gf if I could. I didn't think it through.
Consequences of my actions
But I actually kind of wrote down what I want to do and it's been very fun, and I have another day to finalize this plan
#its mostly planned#i dont want to plan too much because its improv but i want to be prepared#so i just kind of have vibes right now#but theyre fun vibes#its just a low stakes holiday episode. a touch of mystery but mostly fun#just to get a feel for running a session and playing npcs and such#soon i may be running a table at a monthly type event#so i want to get a little practice before then. with a group i know and love#its actually been super fun to plan just a little one shot#i played a really great dnd one shot awhile back#it was day of the dead themed#the dm was fucking amazing#the game im doing isnt dnd its one i like a lot more. unknown armies#much easier than dnd. bless people that run dnd. couldnt be me#anyway im having fun. its writing but with the instant gratification of making people interact with it#most of the stories i write just stay in ny documents. this one will be acted out by some of the coolest people i know#thats delightful#lmk if you have any tips for gming#im gonna give it my all#and a player that had to drop the campaign for the moment is making a one time return which im super excited about#it's going to be a good time. i hope and pray
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I've had a lot of feelings today, a lot of things I could go on about in posts or tags all their own but frankly they all keep sliding in and out and looping around eachother and getting knotted up and I don't have the energy to make it all make sense or have a point or be readable
And plus, ultimate, i think i'm just lonely.
#monster noises#it's such a piss off too because i would really...#like to get these emotions out of me#and some of them i would actually appreciate input on#but i Just Can't.#so blegh#here we are#on the bright side a like#Catastrophically Hot person who also seems really cool followed me back on instagram#so i'll be riding in that high for the next several days wherein i can reasonably convince myself they're going to DM me at any moment.
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If I knew there were so many weird little kids crawling all over it like ants I would've jumped in sooner. I love it here.

With every annoying twerp I adopt I become stronger still
There's so many sweet little shithead children that need good role models and adoptive auncles. I'm taking the kids out for ice cream.
#ygo#ygo dm#it's hilarious too because my wife jumped me into DM and said we could rope back around to Season Zero once we get through the main series#so you've actually got more insight than me on some things! But my wife is a YGO expert so she has told me Some Stuff that happens in S0#cockyroaches
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fic talk in the tags 💝
#aaaaaaaa i have only 4 stores left to write for the advent calendar and then i'm done?! 😭#i can't believe it guys i might actually be able to pull this off 👀#i've literally just winged it day after day with minimal planning#and i haven't even had a breakdown once? gonna knock on wood here real quick lol#i've had so much fun writing all these little stories too 🥺 and i'm fairly satisfied with them as well! yes!! me!! my biggest critic!!#i'm not gonna be writing anything for a while after i get these last ones done though lol i've written SO MUCH during these past weeks#however i did write down a short piece of dialogue in finnish the other day 👀#like. literally 11 words and idk if i'm ever gonna write more but those words just...came to me so i had to write them down somewhere#(it has been peer-reviewed as 'perfect' (thanks eetu <3) and you can totally slide in my DMs if you're curious)#and the college/uni au i've been playing with practically all autumn is something i definitely want to give a try#(so far i only have some random notes and moodboards 😅)#but whatever i'll end up writing i'll do it because i want to and that's what's important 🤍#thank you so much everyone who has been reading these stories or any of my fics this year#i really am not expecting anyone to read my stories and i'm happy if even just one person does 🥺#okay sappy talk over now back to writing byeeeeee#*stories
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