#gift giving is a love language ive only in the last year been able to really participate in

[thekissofaphrodite]

I Grew this for you, Ives.

Luke Castellan X Daughter of Demeter! Reader

Summary: Your secret meetup with your boyfriend, Luke, might have been interrupted by Percy Jackson.

Warnings: MakeUp...MAKEOUT- I MEAN. Language (Tell me if i missed one!)

Author's note: It might be kinda weird that the title doesn't match the summary but trust me, it's worth reading. + If you saw a fic from another blog the same as this i requested it and decided i wanna make the fic myself.

___

New kid, New responsibility. You were known as being motherly towards every kid that stepped in Camp Half Blood. And Maybe, Just maybe, Percy Jackson considered you as his Camp Mom, It wasn't new for older campers seeing a new 12 year old boy follow you around and look up at you with big puppy eyes along with Grover's confused look, but oh well.

Ever since your Godly Mother, Demeter has claimed you, Luke has called you Ives since then. It all happened when three years ago, you ended up in Camp Half blood after your mortal father has been killed by a chimera, much to his sacrifice, You might have offered some small offerings to your Brother In Law, Hades, to watch him in the underworld. Your first week into camp half-blood, Chiron had announced that Capture the Flag will be the first game for the day, you were teamed up with the reds (Much to your disappointment) you were near the cabin fire when two boys from the blue team had cornered you (One of them was luke) you raised you hands to cover yourself but then, Two ivy vines sprouted out the soil and blocked them, horror washed over you when one of the vines that you 'accidentally' summoned strangled one of the boys, Luke was able to escape and still..Blue team one.

While they were celebrating, The red team started ranting angrily about how you made them lose, You sat in a corner, your head leaned against an oak tree as you sobbed, then, a bright greenish-yellow light appeared with gold sickle with a few sheaths of wheat above your head, No one was there, not until a group of campers saw you, they ran and moments later, almost dozens of campers were in front of you, including chiron.

"All Hail Y/n Y/L/N, Daughter of Demeter"

Bunch of flowers started sprouting near you, The forest and plants looked much more healthier in your eyes as every one knelt down, Including Luke, Who gave you a mischievous wink.

"....And this is the mess hall, You're always designated to sit with your cabin mates but that depends, most unclaimed kids just sit with their friends" You said, Glancing at Percy, The young boy just nodded shyly and coughed,trying to hide his blushing cheeks.

"Looks like someone has a crush on you" Luke appeared behind you with a grin, Percy's eyes immediately went wide, making you chuckle.

"Crushes don't hurt, it's admiration afterall" You whispered before giving percy a light kiss on his cheeks, leaving luke shocked.

One of you halfsiblings, Althea, called you over. Apparently, another one of your half sibling's EX boyfriend from the Dionysus cabin used a lard grapevine to ruin the bathroom door inside the cabin while you sibling is showering out of rage and jealousy.

Now, As head of your cabin, It's either you spent one whole hour being lectured by Mr. D out of his favoritism or...Plead with one of the Hephaestus kids to fix it for you.

What a day.

Giving Luke and Percy one last smile, You left.

__

"C'mon Felix! This is the only time that i've asked for a favour out of all the favours i've done for you, You'd do it for me" You pleaded as you followed him back and forth inside his cabin's workshop.

"Look, Y/n, I love you as my friend, but i can't do it, not right now"

"What if i give you a 25$ gift card from burger king and......" You scouried your pocket hoping to find something, Your eyes lit up as you felt a bill in your palms "50 dollars...and...." You then went to pat your bra and pulled out a coin. "A Peso"

You then placed it in his soily hands, Felix's face remained calm, he then took the money.

"It's warm..." He said kinda horrified...You pulled the peso out of your bra for the gods sake!

"Take it or leave it."

He then rolled his eyes and grabbed his toolbox.

"Lead the way"

You squealed and hugged him before pulling him to your cabin.

As you watched him repair the door in silence, Felix broke the silencce by purposely dropping a hammer to the ground, the loud clattering sound made you flinch a little, he smirked "Thinking about Luke?"

You snorted, as if tho you weren't actually thinking about him, "No, i'm thinking about Percy"

"The new kid who broke Clarisse's spear? he's badass"

"mhm, Son of Poseidon"

"Speaking of, How's Luke?"

There was a moment of silence before you replied.

"Fine"

"Just 'fine' ? No ungodly things happening?"

"No" You could've bursted out laughing.

"I don't believe you, C'mon tell me some elaborate details"

You raised your brow, a mischievous glint appearing in your eyes.

"Actually, if you finished that, i'll tell you"

The Hephaestus boy huffed and went back to work

After an hour, Felix finished repairing the door and bid you a goodbye (Along with a side-eye)

__

It was now 11 pm, the Campfire sing-along ended almost an hour ago, and you were in your cabin, re-arranging your stuffed toys for the 5th time, (Making one plushie lay beside you will cause chaos among the plushies)

"Carrie..You go here and..Princess should be right....here, Done!"

All of your plushies were in order when you heard a knock from the window near your bunkbed. then, you saw luke, still in his usual camp shirt, unlike you who was in your rather inappropriate pajamas.

His eyes first landed on you, he then grinned before groaning and landing on your soft bunk bed.

"Hey ives-"

"Luke, what're you doing here?!" You hissed, afraid that your half siblings might caught you two.

"Can i not see you?"

"You can, but not at this time" You huffed, But he was still grinning before pulling a flower pot, with a rose.

"I grew this for you, Ives" He whispered, His eyes carefully scanning you expression before you chuckled.

"You know i can grow this in seconds?"

"Mhm, But still, I love you 'till the very last rose in this entire world wilt into ash"

A smile graced upon your lips before luke grabbed your cheeks and kissed you, the flowerpot fell into your bed, the soil staining your new bedsheet, You couldn't care less.

You deepened the kiss by pulling Luke by his neck, and a groan escaped his lips, his calloused hands then slowly went up your shorts making you moan a little, His hands became closer and closer and closer until-

"Luke?"

You two pulled away, Luke's hands were still in your inner thighs, he took a peak into your window and saw Percy, in his cute pajamas with messy blonde hair.

"Percy" Luke breathed.

"What's up?"

"The Apollo cabin seemed to be having a party, the noise is too loud and i can't sleep, i was wondering if you could go see it "

You then peaked into your window, your cheeks were pressed against luke's

"Y/n? Wait..what are you guys doing? and...why are you in her window?" Percy asked, his drowsiness seemed to have vanished.

Luke couldn't even answer percy himself, he started chuckling softly before burying his face into your neck and smothered it with kisses.

Percy then stood still before realizing, he cleared his throat, but before he could leave you called him.

"You know what? I think Luke could actually take a look at those Sun Brats" Luke immediately groaned and looked at you.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Go help the poor boy"

"Yes Ma'am"

He then got up and just as he was about to climb down your bunk bed you stopped him.

"Nah uh, You can leave where you entered"

The dark haired boy chuckled, and and started climbing down the window, before he could jump back to the ground you kissed him one last time, But this time, the kiss was much more passionate. You could've sworn percy made a gagging face before turning around.

"I love you Ives"

" 'Till the very last rose in this entire world wilt into ash" You said, Luke's eyes soften.

You watched as he and Percy went to the Apollo cabin to resolve the chaos.

The flower potted rose sat in your bed, You took it, and glanced at the beautiful red beauty, You sniffed the fragrance before placing it near your window as you felt Hypnos' warm palm caressing you to sleep.

__

The next day, The first thing you did was bang into Felix's cabin, Giving him every detail from last night as Luke, along with percy watched you from afar.

A/N:

Hey Guys! I've been gone for too long and i just watched the new PJO series and i have to be honest, I fell in love with Charlie as Luke so here's a little treat for you guys while i finish my other fics, i do hope you guys like it!

[citrusvein]

was told to stop spending money on people who don't care about me as if i ever willingly do so. sorry but that isn't the case!! if im spending money on someone they probably do care about me. or at least they act like it. and if im spending money on them *i* care about them. if i care about someone money isnt an object to me, it's just a way to get them something that will make them happy.

[the-moon-prince]

The Last Of us~Kurapika x Reader ~Chapter X

AN: Hi my lovely fellows!

I’m sorry for the delay! Thank you so much for your patience and support! I’m here with the new chapter! I jope you will enjoy.

I wish you a pleasant read, and I hope you’ll enjoy the new chapter of my story.  (Chapter I) (Chapter II) (Chapter III) (Chapter IV ) (Chapter V) (Chapter VI) (Chapter VII)(Chapter VIII)(Chapter IX) (Chapter XI coming soon!)

Paring: Kurapika Kurta x GN! Reader

Word count: 2 652

TW: Mentions of Hospital ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The swings.

(Y/n) loved swings. So charming and amusing.

Even if they couldn't play like the other children, they could always go to the swings. Waving forward and then backward. Heights frightened them and even now terrified them. But with the swings, it was not like that. They felt brave and free. They had visited many. However, they remembered one in particular: the one that his grandfather gave them. The one in the garden of the house where they grew. When they swung, they could see the clouds and the sky. Knowing that their family saw the same azure as they did. They remembered the wildflowers that flourished at the end of the tubes that held it. They had quite a few memories of that swing. That also took place in that location. Their mami's face of horror at seeing them on the ground coughing blood tormented them for a while.

They were back in the hospital. They knew that they would return.  The lonely hours where no visits were allowed seemed long, even reading.

The moments when they were able to be with their grandparents were joyous. Perpetually trying to smile so they wouldn't worry about them.

"(Y/n)!"- a voice cried their name.

They lifted as fast as they could, responding as well as the tubes in their throats allowed.

"Julian!"- They felt so relieved to see him. Each night they spent awake, believing that they would never see him again. The boy, despite being simply 2 years older, was much taller than them. He ran to them sobbing and held them as if they were going to vaporize.

Because that's what they believed.

"(Y/n)!"-he sobbed their name again-"I'm so sorry; I'm so sorry; I shouldn't have left you alone that day. Not because you can't play ball with me, I want you to leave me."-his grip tightened.

They were weak, and their arms were shaking. Yet, that did not prevent them from returning the hug with all the strength that their small body had.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I'm not upset right now."- they consoled. 

If they were in his village, the two of them would look more like animals. Julian's tail would surely shake restlessly, and (Y/n) would rub their cheeks into him. They would be cat and dog, but they loved each other so much. Regularly playing clapping games, going for walks, reading together, or playing video games together. It's not like (Y/n) had someone else. From an early age, they had had difficulties relating to other cubs, including adults. 

"Julian, watch out for running! They are going to scold us!"- a sweet voice called. Immediately two elders entered, their hands full of bags and gifts.

"Mami, Papi! Hi!"-they greeted, already smiling.

It was an afternoon full of laughter, cake, sweets, and gifts. They played cards and chess - matches (Y/n) won- watched movies, read new books, and hugged stuffed animals. Except it was not (Y/n)'s birthday. 

Only visiting hours end sooner or later. And their company had to withdraw. The only difference was that the man stayed a while longer. Opposing hospital rules, which, as a doctor, he had never done previously. (Y/n) stared at him for a moment, not delivering eye contact, until they looked up.

"Papi, I'm going to die?"-they were looking directly in his eyes, searching for a response. 

They had a particular method of expressing their feelings, but that didn't mean they did not feel-they possibly felt with more intensity than the majority. Most would expect a kid their age to cry in that situation, but they did not cry. They were smiling.

"(Y/n)..."-the old man whispered and sat near them. He hadn't the courage to say it.

"I can't tell you that. However, if I can tell you one thing."-he took out a small case from the pocket of his trousers. He held their hand and placed the present in their palm-"Whatever happens, I'll be with you. Wherever you go, you will not be alone. And if so, you have nothing to fear."

When they parted the lid of the box, in its inside covered in red velvet, laid a pair of earrings. They were drop-shaped pearl pendants. A peculiar gift for a kid their age. Most would give jewelry like this to someone older.

"My grandfather gave them to my mother, she gave them to me, and today I give them to you."-he continued-"When you have them on, I will accompany you wherever you go. Since our auras live in flowers, a part of mine lives in those earrings. I'll be reminding you who you are and where you come from. So don't forget that you have a home to go to. Don't be afraid (Y/n)..."

The room's door was locked, and the curtains were down. The old man did not own the same appearance as moments ago; he resembled a massive wolf. Intense but soft fur and a spot on the right ear. He knelt to be at the child's height. They looked into each other's eyes, which some say are the door to the soul, for a long time. Without vociferating a word.

"I love you (Y/n)."-he wept, holding his tears.

The mentioned one offered him a smile.

"I love you, Papi."-they mumbled. They leaned forward to hug him, taking the opportunity to snuggle in the older's neck fluff.-"But I am not afraid. Not at all."

The man hugged them back. His paws were so big that they would definitely fit them into just one of them.

After that, he left, promising that they would return the next day.

What they told was a lie, they were afraid. They sobbed enormously that night, except they didn't want their family to see them that way. 

~

Kurapika opened one of his drowsy eyes, not feeling the embrace anymore. For a moment he was scared of being alone, that it was all a dream. Though (Y/n) was right next to him. Sitting on the mattress, their backs on the bed frame. They were not sleeping, just staring at the emptiness.

"(Y/n)?"-he groaned, the voice hoarse from sleep.

The appointed blink, as if dispersing the spirits that had them trapped.

They turned their heads to detect where the voice was originating from.

"Kurapika?"-they whispered, the speech clear.-"My apologies, did I wake you?"

"No. Rather, what are you doing awake?"-he was already awaiting the worst.

"I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. Don't trouble yourself,  please."-they quietly answers with a smile. 

How could they request him not worry for them? You can't stop caring about what you love. 

"What hour is it?"- he inquired, a bit bothered about the fatigue they might receive in the morning. At least it was Sunday, meaning neither of them had to labor. They would have the possibility of recovering hours of rest if they required it.

After a few seconds of silence, they answered-"4:37."

Kurapika knew the hard nights when attaining rest in a lonely bed seemed tedious. The difference is that they were not abandoned.  He was there for them and wasn't intending on leaving anywhere anytime shortly.

At least they hadn't had a nightmare, if so they would have told him so, right?

He lifted the blankets as a symbol for them to lie down next to him over. He didn't know if they would. Simply with them reclined anew, he would be satisfied. They paid obeisance to him, approaching and lying down nearby him. They came face to face. Kurapika enveloped his arm over their body, they did not hug him back. Yet, they pressed their forehead on his chest.

~

The morning was peaceful and pleasant. Kurapika and (Y/n) were sipping coffee and eating leftover cake from the night earlier in the salon. A disk was playing on the record player. The melody was smooth, the saxophone and the lyrics combined quite well. The silence among the two was charming. From time to time, they were silent, in the same room, just savoring the existence of the separate person. Not because they had nothing to tell. Rather, it was a matter of having their own spaces without isolating themselves.

Except, the silence always finished up breaking.

"I suggest we watch a film tonight. Today you can choose it if you'd like."- Kurapika enunciated, happy to spend quiet time with his lover. Having relaxing nights was rare.

"I...I deem the most convenient thing is for you to come home."-they hesitated, to resume right away-"Not that I don't want to be with you. I'm pretty occupied tonight, and I don't wish for you to miss a night of rest."

The answer surprised him at first.

"Are you going to cover someone in the unit anew?"-he questioned fully of irritant. They were profiteers with (Y/n). His companions rested on their professional integrity and goodness. Kurapika got tired of seeing his lover could stay awake nights in a row to cover night shifts or take care of delegated documents. He knew they would not leave a patient to their own fate; although he foresaw to have a discussion concerning it with them.

"No, not this time."-(Y/n) disclosed. If it was simple paperwork, they did it often with him, as long as he did not interrupt them.

"What will you do?"-he scoffed this time, no commitment had been mentioned to him. Although they had a poor mania to omit some points, not maliciously; globally they were details. That was not a detail.

They resembled uncomfortable. Kurapika already recognized their body language, and despite their perpetual smile, he could read them.

Their gaze was downcast, shoulders hunched, and they played with the edges of their sweater sleeves.

"I'm going to reclaim someone from my clan..."-they wept after a moment of the uncertain reserve.

From the beginning, (Y/n) had helped him regain scarlet eyes. Getting information and accompanying him. Nonetheless, they hadn't mentioned anything about getting their clan back. No contact, no remains, no meeting. Until today. Why? They were trying to preserve him? Did they want to avoid him at a distressing moment? Kurapika believed that retaining such secrets had ended since their discussion. That stubborn part of them that dedicated obstinately to secrecy frustrated him.

"(Y/n)."-he scolded once more.

They narrowed more as if craving to hide from his gaze. He wasn't mad at them. But it frustrated him that he was powerless to help them.

"(Y/n), I'm not angry."-his tone softened-"I desire to accompany you."

Their posture decompressed, though they started to fidget more.

"It will be a rather longspun night. It will be tiresome."-they maintained.

"I do not tend."- He would stand firm with this.-"I am here to assist you."

They suspired-"Thank you, Kurapika."-They had communication difficulties to solve, and weren't oblivious. 

"What time will it occur, where and with whom?"-he hinted, making sure to know the circumstances.

"The event will be held with a private collector. At his residence at 8:40 pm."-they specified-"Only that there is a relevant detail."-they added with a cautioned voice.-"The collector is another hunter."

The collector is another hunter. Not for lack of ability, but for the votes that restrained their children. It would be necessary to rely upon the strategy to evade some violent confrontation. On top of that, their identities could be in check.

"As it is clearly practically impossible to hide the fact that I am a hunter, I presented myself as a mere fellow hunter fond of oddities."-as suspected they already had a method.

"Regarding your company, we can pivot on my weak appearance."-they continued with the strategy-" He will never believe that a hunter would require a bodyguard, but an assistant is plausible. He told me that the "merchandise"- saying that last word with disgust-"will be weighty."

"I perceive that you had the strategy ready. That's why I don't worry. I'll stick with it."-regarding the tactical abilities of (Y/n), Kurapika did not waver. Their experience was remarkable.-"Still, you must tell me these genera of things."

"Reasonable, my apologies."-they bawled. 

Kurapika wasn't going to reprimand them. He was aware that they were not doing it maliciously, the communication obstacles were rather difficulties. He could never get mad at them for having some kind of challenge. 

~

The place concluded up being in an upper-class suburb of YorkNew. For the other hunter to live there, it had to be wealthy. And to be wealthy he had to be skillful. For this occasion, (Y/n) did not use its own vehicle. They rented a truck with a roomy hood. Once the house was spotted, they parked the truck far enough away for the details not to be well distinguished -being black it was conveniently camouflaged with the darkness of the night-but close sufficient to get there quick running. 

Before going down, (Y/n) was silent for a short moment. Without moving from the driver's seat. Their pupils would look very dilated if it weren't for the contacts they were wearing. They both wore, so as not to give any kind of clue about their origins. Followed by that silence, they closed their eyes and pronounced a rhyme while poking their chests with two fingers, in a language that Kurapika did not understand. A mantra for good luck, perhaps.

There was no security of any kind seen from the facade. They walked to the front door, which was quite high and made of black wood. Shortly after the bell rang, the door opened. Revealing a man, about 31 years old, but he looked younger. It couldn't be said that he had good taste in dressing, but the clothes they wore were of great quality. His hair was somewhat lengthy yet shorter than Kurapika's and ash-black in color. His aura felt dense and heavy. It was easily deduced that he had no intention of hiding it.

The man, like his aura, was imposing. He made them notice it as if testing their courage and challenging them to enter. Almost as if they were unworthy. 

"I presume you are (Y/n)."-he said, waiting. His voice was considerably gruff. The kind of speech that tilts in your eardrums.

"Precisely, a pleasure."-(Y/n) greeted, pulling their hunter license out of their wallet and showing it.

"Good, and he?"-the man pointed at Kurapika.

"Kurapika is here to assist me. I remember listening to you specify that the object was going to be substantial."-they reported hurriedly. Their tone of speech did not denote fear or insecurity. They weren't happy with the rudeness of pointing their lover

"I see. To be a hunter you look frail."-he expressed-"Come in, come in." The walls of the house were wide and the ceiling high. The interior was mostly light gray. The decor had a pretentious modernist tendency. A large number of objects stood out. Of all kinds, but all rare and peculiar. Shelves placed well in sight, figures, frames, vanities. They followed the man through corridors to a small bar, its wall full of bizarre exoticisms.

 If it weren't for the assiduousness they were displayed in, one would say that the person was an accumulator. The idea that the person had become a hunter just to gain privileges and the ability to purchase ostentatious exclusive treasures was more and more evident.

"Let's sit down and have a drink."-the man bossed. 

"Oh, don't bother. We-"-they got interrupted by the man. It was clear he was vulgar despite his money. 

"I don't bother. I want to make sure that I'm not selling one of my prized items to anyone."

[4kominato]

A/N: just thought id write something a little more realistic to what id possibly do irl... the whole sex thing aint really my vibe (i admit, it is nice in fics though). its a bit ironic how soft and understanding ive portrayed Mei here 🙃 but idk, my brain really liked him for this fantasy for some reason ~ kuri

Pairing: Narumiya Mei x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff? Smut? (me… expressing my feelings?) - SEXUAL CONTENT

to save you all from disappointment...

[[ OVERVIEW ]] vibrator, male masturbation, fem!voyeurism

Word Count: 1,752

Today is one of those days that you just want to feel good. With the stress of school and work starting to pile up, you decide to reserve some time for yourself to relax and unravel on a day that your boyfriend said he’d be back late. Having been in just an oversized t-shirt and your panties all day, you don’t bother to undress, simply pressing the bullet vibrator that Mei had gifted to you a few months ago for your two year anniversary over the thin material of your underwear and letting the powerful toy effortlessly do its job. The bundle of nerves unravelling in your core has your toes curled and thighs quivering in anticipation of your much needed high, but you’re alarmed by the sound of footsteps approaching the door, making you scramble to turn off the noisy device.

“I’m home!” your vivacious boyfriend announces as he emerges through the bedroom door, “I was able to get out of practice early today!”

“O-oh! That’s good!” you answer nervously, watching as Mei changes out of his uniform and into more casual clothes. After tossing his practice wear into the nearest hamper, he immediately joins you in bed and pulls you into a quick kiss as a greeting.

“So what did you do today?” he asks, nuzzling his nose against your cheek.

“Uh, not much honestly…” you mutter, awkwardly averting eye contact with the painstakingly oblivious boy.

“Did you at least enjoy your day off?”

“Mm… I suppose…”

Finally picking up on your uncomfortable body language, Mei scoots away from you with a worried look and asks, “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine!” you quickly assure, feigning a smile in hopes that he’ll drop the issue, but he doesn't. Pouting at you, he reaches out to hold your hand which is balled in a tight fist to conceal your bullet, considering you had nowhere else to hide it with Mei barging in so suddenly.

“Why are you clenching your fist?” he questions, caressing your whitened knuckles with his thumb, “Are you hurt?” Pursing your lips, you remain silent and unwilling to provide an answer for a brief moment, but when you meet his troubled gaze, you feel the concern radiating from his bright blue orbs and can’t help but feel bad for making him anxious over something so miniscule. Letting out a deep sigh you finally uncurl your fingers, releasing the cylindrical piece of plastic into your lover’s palm, which he recognizes immediately seeing how his eyes widen in shock.

“I was using it just before you came in…” you disclose quietly, unable to look at him directly.

“Oh… I’m sorry,” he replies immediately and places the novelty back into your care, “You should have said something earlier. I would’ve left you alone.”

“I didn’t want to just kick you out… Having you home early was a nice surprise.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it now then, alright? I’m going to start preparing dinner.”

Just as he climbs off of the bed, you blurt a quick “Wait!” before he can leave the bedside and you wrap your arms around his waist, burying your face into his chest. “Stay.”

Letting out a soft chuckle, he strokes the back of your head with one hand and holds you in a tight embrace with the other before responding, “You don’t want to do it anymore?”

“Well… I was thinking…” you start, still hesitant about whether or not you should share with him one of your little reoccurring fantasies.

“You were thinking?” Mei repeats after a long silence, your cliffhanger spawning curiosity within him.

“Um, it’s… kind of embarrassing actually…” you murmur before leaving him hanging yet again.

“You can’t just say that and then change your mind,” he whines and pinches your cheek, “C’mon, just say it. The suspense is killing me.”

You can’t disagree with his point, considering you’d already opened your mouth, it’d be rude to back down now. If you didn’t want to tell him, you shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.

“I… I was thinking…” you start again, your reluctance to confess what was on your mind causing you to stumble over your words, “I-it might be… well uh… a little weird… b-but um… maybe… you can… y’know… use it on me…” Pulling away from his body, your trembling hand places the toy back into Mei’s calloused one, and while he quickly accepts it from you, his furrowed brows seem to portray a different message.

“Are you sure?” he asks lovingly, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to, but… would you enjoy it?”

“I… I’d like to enjoy it… I don’t know for sure if I will,” you admit, still apprehensive of the idea, but hoping you’ll muster up the courage to follow through, “I know it’s not much… but I think it might be good for us to share intimate moments like this together.”

“I’m already satisfied with what we do. You don’t have to force yourself to do more.”

“I want to… for you. Even if we don’t go all the way, I really want to let my walls down with you. It’s the least I can do with how understanding you’ve been over the course of our relationship.”

“How could I not be when I have the best girlfriend ever,” he smiles, cupping your face in his hands, “If you really want to, I’d love to do this with you, but if you aren’t enjoying it, don’t hesitate to tell me, okay?”

Nodding up at him, he rejoins you on the bed and gestures for you to sit in his lap, so you do, positioning yourself in between his legs and without hesitation, he wraps his arms around your waist. Pulling you flush against him, he peppers soft kisses down your neck, making you hum in satisfaction at the feeling and roll your head back onto his shoulder, granting him further access and he’s quick to accept the invitation.

“I’m ready when you are,” he mutters against your neck between kisses.

“I’m ready…” you answer under your breath, unsure if there is actually truth in the words you’d just spoken. You’d already made up your mind about going through this and you had no intentions of backing down, but the nerves that follow are no joke, considering it isn’t easy allowing yourself to be so vulnerable in front of someone, even should it be someone you’re comfortable with.

At the sound of the obnoxious buzzing initiated by Mei turning on the device, you unintentionally tense up and he feels it, so he immediately turns it back off to check on you.

“Are you okay? You still want to do this?”

“Yes,” you answer quietly, reaching out toward the hand which held the vibrator and turning it back on, “I’m just nervous… but that’s to be expected, right?”

“Well yeah… but don’t forget that you can stop me at any time. Okay?”

Giving him a final nod, Mei proceeds to lower his hand between your legs, pressing the smooth surface of the toy against your clit. You jolt at the abrupt wave of pleasure that sears through your core, but it’s nice for once to be experiencing this while being held in the arms of the one you love most. Having him there somehow adds an extra warmth that you can’t really explain and on top of that, with him doing all the work, you can relax more than you’d normally be able to.

The feeling of him growing hard behind you only adds to the sensation, every twitch of his cock turning you on more than you thought possible, and with heat radiating from your sweet spot and a familiar tension rapidly building up below, you know you won’t last much longer. Entwining your fingers with the ones that lovingly encompass your frame, you squeeze tightly on his hand upon climaxing while the rest of your body convulses rhythmically in response to the sheer bliss rushing through your body.

“I love you,” Mei whispers, turning off the vibrator and setting it aside as you fall limp against him, gradually ascending from your peek.

“I love you more,” you argue breathily, pulling his arms tighter around you while you lay slumped against him, eyes still comfortably closed.

“Impossible,” he refutes with a peck to your cheek before trying to discreetly untangle his arms from yours and urge you off of his lap, “But if you’ll excuse me… I have things to take care of now too.”

“I wanna watch,” you plead, clinging onto his arm to prevent him from leaving the bed.

“Okay,” he agrees and frees his stiff member from the confinement of his briefs. The tip is glistening with pre-cum and you can’t resist swirling the substance around his engorged head, forcing a soft groan out of him.

He allows you to continue toying with the top half while his fingers encircle the base of his shaft, milking out more of his essence for you to play with, but you only indulge for a while more before finally withdrawing your hand and snuggling close to him, pulling him into a heated kiss as he starts to pump himself at a steady pace. Slipping a hand under his shirt, you trace over his tensed abdomen, your extra touch helping to entice his orgasm.

“Pull it up,” Mei speaks desperately, his voice raspy as his hand movements start to speed up. Recognizing his end is nearing, you do as he says, lifting the hem of his shirt to at least his chest and stealing one last peck from him before letting him chase his high.

“Fuck,” he grunts through gritted teeth, his brows knitted together and eyes squeezed shut while his hips jerk upward, his thick seed shooting out in thin ropes over his smooth abdomen.

You can’t help but admire his post-orgasm appearance for a moment before making your way to the master bathroom, retrieving tissues to clean up the mess. There’s just something about him lying there peacefully with beads of sweat on his temples and the sound of his labored breathing that gives him a different glow in comparison to his usual handsome features. It’s really a beautiful sight to witness.

Noticing your staring, a puzzled look forms on Mei’s face before he addresses it, “I know I’m handsome, but you don’t need to stare.”

“Shut up,” you giggle, playfully elbowing him in the arm making the two of you break out into a fit of laughter. It ends with Mei pulling you on top of him and pressing his lips against yours, but momentarily separating them to speak.

“I love you so damn much… I hope you know that I’d do literally anything for you.”

“I do, and that’s why I love you even more.”

[njeancastro316]

Whatever it takes

Another snippet from my original female character and Elijah story. Please read the short snippet Always and Forever first .Here I introduce her twin sister Daliera which you’ll see a bit more of her in other snippets I have. I know I haven’t given you much info as to what she is , just know shes an ancient entity for now . (Please dont kill me) I’ll change things to keep with the storyline of TO or I wont . These are things that pop in my head 🤪.

Friendly reminder English is not my first language , there is some spanish words thrown in there which will be translated at the end. Love you guys, please reblog, like, enjoy , leave a comment whatever you like. Your support means a lot 🤗😘

Kudos to the giff owner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 years had past since she witnessed his death and her pain never lessened. It grew worse every time she came to pay her respects. She often wished to have died with him , maybe in death she’d be at peace or feel nothing at least. She sobbed,tears poured down her cheeks.

“Elijah ... mi amor porque me duele tanto , porque no puedo olvidarte . Te extraño tanto”. Her hand clutched her heart again. “Daría todo por verte una vez mas” she felt an unwelcome familiar presence.

“You’d give anything to see him again huh”? Y/N turned and looked into the eyes of her twin sister Daliera. “What are you doing in here ? “Can you let me mourn in peace”?She spat clearly upset . “Sister must you always be like that with your own blood”?, “Besides you knew the price you’d payed when you decided to meddle in the affairs of humans let alone fall in love with the abomination that was Elijah Mikaelson and his wretched family”. Daliera said in disgust.

“He was NOT an abomination”she shouted furious the wind had picked up a bit , “Dont speak of his name , I know what you did to me , to him ,you cursed us . Me forever to be in his shadow and him to have his true love by his side and never be able to recognize it , to suffer with others that would never really truly love him”.

“Well I think I went easy on him dont you think”? Daliera smiled wickedly. Y/N’s hand was fast and swift as it made contact with her sisters cheek. “Keep that forked tongue inside your mouth , dont make me forget that we are related, it doesn’t bode well for you sister”, she threatened.

“You! Threatening me”Daliera laughed. “Seriously you ... who’s never hurt a fly on purpose”.

“Sister you forget that my side is darker than yours , that Im the worst of what we are and that the only anchor that I held onto was the man I loved”. Y/N body shook. “When he died my control shattered and now I struggle everyday to keep it a bay. So please goad me , I beg of you this planet needs a global cleansing , Ive been iching to let loose for eons”.

“Ohhh Im shaking in my boots”Daliera chuckled

“Why are you here”? Y/N coiled ready to strike.

“Direct to the point I see”Daliera bit her lip playfully.

“Please be quick your presence angers me and that group of people over there Y/N pointed to a family of tourists “looks eager to meet their maker”.

“That’s dark sister even for you”. To which Y/N shrugged her shoulders in response. Daliera could see that Y/N was at her wits end, she was treading on dangerous waters having endure so much thanks to her malingering and jealousy.

“You’d give anything to see your beloved Elijah again , yes”? She asked while circling Y/N.

“Yes”she quietly answered trying to keep calm, this was a trap she could feel it. Daliera was sick like that, playing with her emotions.

“Would you do whatever it takes to bring him back” ? Because if that’s the case, I can tell you where he is and the means to procure him”

That was it Y/Ns eyes changed colors , her hand went for her sisters neck. “That is impossible, you try to insult my intelligence again and I swear to you ... sister you will spend a 100 lifetimes putting yourself back together”.

“There is nothing impossible for us Y/N you of all people should know that”.

“We don’t meddle with the dead! but I’ll humor you ,Whats the catch? Daliera” Y/N asked annoyed yet her interest had been peeked.

“You will need a witch , a powerful one”.

“There is no witch powerful enough to take me wherever he is . So you are waisting your time here” .

“Let me tell you something in the proper english lingo ,Fuck off and leave me in peace” , “I’m not interested in your charade”.Y/N turned to leave.

“What about Hope”? Daliera suggested . Y/N stopped suddenly , her sisters audacity knew no bounds. ‘How dare she’?!

“Do not bring Hope into this .She’s been through so much as it is . She lost her mother , her father , her uncle and she almost died at the hands of the hollow. She’s at peace living her life and I will not bother her with something that will not work”.

“She’s the child of your own imaginings , she belongs to you , make her”.

“Never”! Y/N quickly answered “Now you may think because of the dark power I posses I am like you manipulative and vindictive , that I bend everything and every one to my will , you are wrong . I’ve never been like that nor I choose to be”.

“How boring” Daliera rolled her eyes. “Any way Hope is the way to see your beloved again , I just wanted to let you know”.

“What do you gain from this information Daliera ? What do you want from me”?

“Nothing sister I just wish to make amens ... for all I’ve done” Daliera lowered her head in sign of defeat.

“Make amens”?! Y/N eyes blazed in fury “Make amens” !! Daliera was pushed into an alley wall hard , she was paralyzed, she couldn’t move or speak.

“There is nothing you can say to undo what’ve done to me , to Elijah , to my family because they were my real family . You on the other hand with your feigned innocence are a bitch who couldn’t stand me being loved by one of the most wonderful beings that had ever existed” . “The Niklaus to my Elijah but unlike him , I do not shared love for you in the slightest”.

“So sister this is my gift to you with all the darkness I carry here is my wish” she grabbed her sister chin forcefully... “I wish for you”Y/N whispered softly “to be cursed to roam alone and unloved for all of your miserable existence”.

“Y/N you cannot do this!! , please don’t do this”!! Daliera’s tears cascaded down her cheeks.

“It is so because I desire it and it wont be undone. Goodbye” Y/N took a step back and turned walking away.

“Y/N it will work!! Please” Daliera screamed . “Dont leave me like this” ,Whatever it takes!!!

Y/N kept walking , her dark power flowing to her body , now she knew where she was heading of to next Mystic Falls ... “Whatever it takes”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translation:

Elijah my love... why does it hurt so much , why cant I forget you?. I miss you so much.

I’d do anything to see you again one last time.

@hellotvshowtrash @elijahs-wife @dumble-daddy @eternityunicorn @satedbond @elejah-wonderland @kaiiiiiiparkerismyhusband @idkhaylijah @danielasala @mikaelsonsdeservedbetter @elijahtrash @elijahmikaelsontvd-blog

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Switching Sides: Part 13 (HLITF)

if anyone possibly wants to get on a tag list I’d be happy to make one

👉 @theshove 👈

If you wanna catch up, Part 12 is right here! Happy reading :)

Premise: Growing up in a life of crime in a Japanese mafia, Atsuko Motomori has seen enough injustice to last her a lifetime. To try and give back to the universe her family has taken so much from, she dreams of being a detective from a young age. Her twin, sharing her disgust for her father and many uncles, just wants an ordinary life away from the crime, paing and suffering. Instead, she wants to be in the spotlight with the soft notes she makes with her cello. In their escape of 2015, on their coming of age birthday, they must split ways, never to be together ever again. If one was found, they didn’t want the other dragged down with them. Atsuko, having changed her name and appearance as best she can without a scalpel, sets off to start her life of car chases and arrests.

Four years in a seemingly dead-end police station in the middle of nowhere, being passed over time after time for promotion, Atsuko finally gets a shot at her dream, having been sent to an academy for the best candidates in the country by her boss who had always kept an eye out for her. After discovering her boss may have made her bite off more than she could chew, Atsuko must become the slave of a dominating instructor!? Who so just happens to be the captain of the most famous police unit in Japan? Not to mention a total knockout! Will Atsuko finally achieve her dream? Or will her new instructor put her through the wringer?

Warnings: Language, Reference to sexual activity, Forceful nature, Abuse, Kidnapping, Torture.

~~~~~~

A week and a half had passed since I awoke in the hospital. My recovery was slow, painstakingly so, and I found my thoughts trailing back to every painful memory I had. But, no matter how scared and depressed I got, Kaga would always somehow show up, explaining he had more questions for me, and I would be able to slowly explain to him the same story I had been repeating for days at that point. It was almost comforting and with the silent stare he showed me every time I was able to complete the tale, I felt myself connecting with reality a little bit more. It showed me, reporting to him, that I had lived through it.

~~~~~~

"He's being sentenced today," Juna announced as she sat on the couch in my room, eating some noodles she had bought on the way over. We both stared out the window, the sky raining down hard pellets on the city below. It was a soothing sound to fill the silence that followed her announcement.

"What... What if he doesn't get imprisoned?" I couldn't help my imagination get the better of me. What if he was set free when all the evidence magically disappeared? What if the defence was able to create enough reasonable doubt for the jury to deem him innocent? What if he didn't get a long enough sentence?

I had filmed a video of my witness statement for the courts several days ago, and that was traumatic enough. If I had to do it again in an appeal the defence made up to weaken the case, I wouldn't be able to go up in front of the world and tell my story. I couldn't share with them all my years of weakness as I allowed myself to be abused by the man who was meant to protect me.

"He's going to be put away, Katsu. Don't even put that into the universe." A displeased expression flew over Juna's face as she turned to me, cringing even at how I could think of that happening. I knew it was irrational. The case was solid. There was no way for him to snake out of this one. But, still... I couldn't help but worry.

"Oh!" Juna suddenly gasped, placing a hand on her bursting belly. She was a matter months away from the due date, so the gasp in surprised caused fear of a miscarriage to circulate my brain. I called out, questioning her what was wrong as I lifted the sheets off my legs. She laughed, jumping up and pushing me back on the bed before I could even rest my covered feet on the cold floor. I was only allowed one assisted lap around the hospital floor a day, and I had already used that token up.

"It's fine. I'm fine. Here." She smiled, taking my hand and placing it where her's had previously been. There, I felt a pressure poking from her belly and recoiled in uneasy disgust. She laughed at my childish reaction to her baby kicking and went to sit down again.

Biting the tip of my thumb, the reality of her birthing a child of her own hit me again. At least, for this one, they might not have to worry as much as we did growing up. They would still be hidden from the world, hidden from what remained of my father's mob, but maybe they would have some freedom to be happy and childish for longer than we did.

"That smells really good." I sighed, trying to distract myself from those lingering thoughts, referring to her takeout food. It felt like years since I had swallowed something solid. My stomach felt empty most of the time, but thanks to the IVs, I never felt truly hungry. Just a little uncomfortable.

Juna laughed at me, explaining that she knew I wasn't really allowed solids yet. "I had pudding yesterday! Come on, just a noodle." I pointed one finger up to show how little I needed. My jaw almost felt weak; not using it for so long. She laughed again, picking up a strand between two fingers and dropping it into her mouth teasingly.

The more we talked and she teased me, the more relaxed I became. It was only when she left did I ever let my thoughts return. Let them consume me the way they did. As she told me what romantic thing Kanto had done this morning, a knock came to my door. We both turned and my eyes grew at who stood there.

For a moment, I saw the man that fed me when I was in captivity. He smiled, holding a bag of candies in one hand, showing it to me like it was a prize. I yelled, screaming as I jumped out of my bed and pushed myself to the back corner.

"No! Go away!" I cried out, him watching my reaction made his expression fall.

"Katsu! Katsumi, calm down! It's just Noburu." Juna ran to me from the other side of the bed and held my shoulders to try and stop my kicking. Tears streamed down my face as I begged for the man to leave. I didn't want the kindness he showed me, I was so sure it was what made me feel the true extent of the pain I felt.

Soon enough, nurses came rushing in, pushing passed the man that stayed in the doorway, face blank with shock. When they couldn't calm me down, I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder and my consciousness quickly faded.

~~~~~~

"This is the worst day she's had so far." Katsumi's doctor told the man and woman that stayed in her room as she slept in the bed. After her breakdown, the surgeon was called to help explain why she had reacted so vividly and check up on her condition. Luckily, she hadn't ripped a stitch from her surgery.

"But she knew Noburu before it happened. Why would she think he was one of her captors? She hasn't seen him in weeks!" Juna fretted, sympathetic worry spreading across her face as the bartender looked at the sleeping beauty guiltily.

"I don't know, but you can't come again. Not until she's healed. She still has weeks of rehab ahead of her." The doctor turned to the young man and he nodded solemnly.

"Surely she'd learn to remember what Noburu really looks like?" Feeling sorry for the man she knew loved her sister, Juna pleaded his case.

"It's too risky when she's still in this vulnerable stage. When she can fall asleep unaided and have a peaceful night, then you can try. I'm sorry, but you need to leave." Doctor shaking his head, Noburu left, leaving the treats he knew Katsumi would have loved on the table at the end of her bed.

~~~~~~

"What's this?" Instructor Kaga asked as I laid in my bed, staring intensely out the window. When I was sleeping, I had another dream about my captors, but this one seemed so surreal, it had really shaken me up. I hadn't talked to any of the nurses and my mood, not to mention my mental stability, was completely at rock bottom.

"Juna left it for me. You can have it, I'm not allowed to eat." I groaned, shuffling onto my back and sitting up to see Kaga already sifting through it. From what I suspected, he had come to tell me the result of my father's hearing, but all he had done so far was steal my-get-well-soon presents.

Sitting in silence, I bit the tip of my thumb to distract the nerves in my stomach. Kaga seemed very content with chewing on the soft sugary treat gifted to me.

"Will you tell me already?" I called out, throwing my fists into my mattress in irritation. Kaga looked at me with a raised brow, his demeaningly concerned look replaced on his face. "My father's trial. You came to tell me what happened, right?" I asked again, needing to know. The anticipation was too much.

"I don't know yet," Kaga grumbled and returned to the squishy cake in between his fingers. I frowned, crossing my arms and turning to look out the window again. It was still raining, even though a day had passed since I was last awake.

The silence was almost too much to bear, so, with a desperate need to cover my thoughts, I grabbed the remote controller on the table beside my bed and pointed it to the radio on the counter across the room. Classical music with a leading group of strings burst from it and I closed my eyes as I tried to drown out my thoughts and every sensory memory I had of weeks prior.

Suddenly, the volume decreased significantly and my gaze shot open to see Kaga standing beside it.

"Are you 90?" He frowned, throwing the pink packaging of the cake in the trash can by the door as he returned to the couch.

"It's my sister's. She helps me calm down." I sighed, turning it up again, although keeping it lower than before as it seemed to annoy him so much. Then, Kaga sprung up again, approaching my bed.

"You won't be able to recover if you just block it out." He placed a hand on the bar above my head and the other on the guarded rail on my bed, leaning in close so all my senses were enveloped by him. His smoke and cologne scent. His face was all I could see. His words repeated over and over again in my head. The warmth of his chest emitting onto my slightly cooler body. My eyes grew wide and I felt my heart stop due to the proximity.

"You need to learn to deal with that if you want to return to the academy." His voice was low and the comment made my head jerk in surprise. He thought I was going to return to my old life? After all the trouble I caused?

"There's no chance I can get back in. My entire resume is fake, let alone my application. I thought I was going to get kicked if I didn't work for you." I frowned my brows, saddened to have to admit I would never be able to complete my dream. Looking down, I found the arm he had encompassed over me. Running my gaze down to his hand, I noticed his knuckles white with pressure.

Before Kaga could retort, a small voice came from the doorway. "Instructor, I have the files you asked for."

Watching Kaga draw back, my eyes locked with a girl I once had a close connection with. She looked tired, a little worse for wear, but most of all, she was teary-eyed.

"Naruko," I uttered under my breath, honestly shocked to see her here. She just stood there, holding onto a beige folder. Kaga stormed over, snatching it from her.

"You're late." He grumbled, taking it and reading through it. I gulped when Naruko's gaze didn't fall from mine.

"Would you come here already? I can't exactly get up." I smiled through blurry vision, trying to reconnect with the girl I left behind. Her shoulder slumped and she ran towards me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"What the hell, Atsuko! I thought you were dead! I mean, you were dead! How could you betray me?" She shouted in my ear the name she knew me by, tears flying down her face and onto my shoulder. I bit my lip guiltily.

"I'm sorry but... How did I betray you?" I laughed when she pulled back and showed me an out of character frown.

"You said we would graduate together! Why did you leave?" She frowned and my breathing stopped. The happiness I nurtured from seeing her slowly died as I was reminded once again of what I couldn't accomplish.

"He's got life." Kaga suddenly announced, drawing both of our attention towards him. He still had his gaze in the folder, but I knew what he was talking about. My father... He's going to die in prison?

"What?" I asked, feeling Naruko's confusion as she was pushed further into the unknown of my situation. Even though I had an idea of what he was on about, I wanted to make sure. I wanted to make sure I wasn't being hopeful.

"He's got 100 years in jail for ratting some of his partners. He’ll probably be dead by the time that’s up." Kaga seemed hesitant at first but still told me. I gripped the sheets by my leg and reached for my phone on the table.

"You, go back to the academy." Kaga shot a glare at Naruko and she quickly followed his order by running to the door. Before she left, she passed me a meaningful smile and closed the door behind her.

"You're going to recover and you're returning to work," Kaga announced once he was sure Naruko was gone as I stared at my phone, desperately trying to make sense of the clusters of blur in front of me. My vision still hadn't corrected, but I was growing a sense of understanding when I could see the characters. It was so frustrating, trying to see when I knew couldn't. No matter how hard I squinted or how sternly I stared at the object, I couldn't make sense of anything. I couldn't even see my sister's face when she hugged me. I couldn't see myself in the mirror. Just a blur of skin and the white of my hospital gown.  

"I can't! How am I supposed to be a detective when I can't even stop this from happening?" I shouted, suddenly enraged by how poor my eyesight had gotten, throwing my phone into the wall of my hospital room to dismiss my problems. It fell into reconnectable pieces at the force.

"I became a cop to protect us, but I failed at that. Juna got kidnapped and I put her baby in danger. All I did at the academy was make mistake after mistake. My recklessness put complete strangers in danger! A boy almost lost his mom! How can I work when whatever I do gets people hurt?" I shouted, tears spilling from my eyes when I didn't care who heard me. I was angry and sad and broken and I just wanted to cry.

Suddenly, I felt arms around me. My head was pulled against a soft, hard surface and I felt a warm breath on my hair. My eyes widened when I realised Kaga was holding me, trying to calm me down.

"You're always so damn loud." I heard him mutter as more tears spilt from my eyes. I clutched the arm around my front for support, needing to know that I wasn't in that room. I needed to know this was reality because lately, I've been having trouble differentiating.

“Just shut up for a minute and remember where you are. Forget the past. It won’t do you any good.”

At some point during my pathetic weeping, with the little sleep I had been getting, I slipped into unaided unconsciousness, something else I’d been struggling with since I was saved.

[metaphoricallyroger]

With Love, From Me to You - i of iv [R.T.]

Summary: One-hundred ways to say ‘I love you’ over twenty-seven years.

Words: 2,891

Warnings: Language.

Note: This follows both Bohemian Rhapsody’s and real-life events (generally for dates, minor plot etc.), picture whichever Roger you fancy! The title is taken from ‘From Me To You’ by The Beatles.

--

1. (1964):

“I like your laugh.”

It’s funny to you, that after such a simple sentence on Roger’s behalf you become fast and close friends almost instantly.

--

2. (1964):

It’s the first time you’re allowed to go to a dance and even then, it was on the stipulation that Roger goes with you. It took a lot of arm-twisting from the stubborn teenager, but he eventually agreed. Only after you promised to go to some rock concert with him.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?”

“You look nice, that’s all.” Roger thinks you look just as good when you’re wearing your school uniform, but he knows tonight is an important night for you.

“Sweet talker,” you laugh.

Your eyes glimmer with the compliment and you feel your cheeks warm as he leads you out of your house.

--

3. (1964):

“We’ll be best friends for life, right?” It’s an odd time to ask, at a party for someone in your school class, but you’re both bored out of your minds, and it seemed as good a time as any to ask.

“Forever,” Roger swears. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

--

4. (1965):

Typically, your house phone didn’t ring in the early hours of a school day.

“Want to go for a walk?”

“What? Roger?” Your eyes still half closed, you struggle to work out who’s calling so late.

“Shit, sorry,” he sighs, “did I wake you?”

“It’s okay, I couldn’t sleep anyway.” You both recognise the lie, but don’t acknowledge it as you plan where to meet.

--

5. (1965):

You sit in the driver’s seat of Roger’s father’s car, while he sits in the passenger seat, attempting to teach you to drive. Why his father had allowed you to take his car into the paddock next to their house unsupervised is beyond you.

“I’m going to stall, Roger,” you fret.

“Yeah, so? If you do, just try again, you’ll get the hang of it.”

“What if we crash?” Although you are in a very flat, cleared paddock, with you at the wheel for the first time, anything could go wrong.

“It’s going to be fine. Don’t worry.”

“Okay,” you breathe out and turn the key in the ignition.

--

6. (1965):

“Y/N!” You turn your head in the busy classroom to see Roger gesturing wildly where he’s sat, books spread across two desks.

“I saved you a seat,” he pulls out the one next to him and you give him a grateful sigh.

--

7. (1966):

You and Roger are currently en route to a The Who concert in Watford, four hours away from Cornwall.

He has been driving the majority of the time and you were surprised that he hadn’t pulled over the first time he yawned. Roger offered to drive first and you agreed, making sure he promised to pull over if he’s tired.

“Are you going to finally admit that it is time for me to drive?”

“I’m not tired, Y/N.”

“I think you are, considering one of your eyes is shut.” You watch as he wrenches a tired eye open and you smile softly, placing your hand on his shoulder.

“I’m really not that sleepy.” He punctuates his sentence with a bold yawn.

“Pull over. Let me drive for a while.”

“Yeah, alright.” He pulls off the side of the road and jogs to your side of the car, opening the door for you.

You clamber out and switch seats and adjust yours to sit closer to the steering wheel and put the car back into gear.

“See, now you can have a-” The boy next to you has fallen asleep, hair blowing out with each deep exhale, making you smile softly.

--

8. (1966):

You’ve never had your heart broken, but your first boyfriend has broken up with you and you aren’t heartbroken, you’re angry. From the way you’ve been influenced by your female friends, you thought you would’ve been crying all the time. But you’re too busy trying not to kick a hole in the wall.

“Who does that twat think he is? Running around like he’s the Lord’s gift to ladies. I can’t believe I ever slept with him.”

Roger doesn’t want to say he feels happy about this (because this is you who’s been broken up with), but your boyfriend was an absolute twat in his eyes, and he’s happy you’re rid of him. He’s also happy that you aren’t sad about it, but that’s beside the point.

“Want to go egg his car?” He suggests with eyebrows raised.

“You read my mind.”

--

9. (1966):

“What are you doing?” Finding Roger in your house wasn’t rare, but finding Roger in your house holding a bunch of flowers and your coat was.

“I am taking you out to show you how a real date should be done. Not what that tosser was trying to pass off one as.”

“You really don’t have to do this to make me feel better. The eggs worked, truly.” You nod along with your thoughts, trying to persuade Roger out of his latest idea.

“I know. But I want to. Now, go and get your shoes on, we’ll be late otherwise.”

Knowing better than to argue, you do as he says and allow him to lead you to his car.

--

10. (1967):

“I got in!” You run into Roger’s arms excitedly and he catches you and spins you around, laughing.

“So did I!”

“I’m so proud of you,” you pull back to look at his sparkling eyes.

“You’re proud of me? I’m proud of you!”

You’re both overjoyed and hug again, even tighter than before.

“Don’t know how’d I’d survive uni without you nearby.” He finally places you back on your feet and you both exchange letters, looking at the separate places you’ll be attending university in London.

--

11. (1967):

You have never been this drunk before. In fact, if you could think straight, you’re sure in your life you have never been drunk.

It’s your eighteenth birthday and to say you weren’t well on your way to seeing three of everything was an understatement. Your fingers feel numb and one side of your body has become a dead weight, too tired to pull yourself up you begin to slip off the stool.

“I’ll walk you home,” Roger grasps your elbow.

“Um,” you pause and wiggle your feet, “I can’t remember how to walk.”

Roger restrains a grin at your expense and squats, gesturing for you to climb on his back.

“If you throw up in my hair, we’re going to have words.”

Roger makes it back to your dorm hall with minimal accidents and pulls open the door thanks to the key he blindly fished from your back pocket.

“You’re going to get in trouble if my RA finds you in my dorm. Ooh,” you hiccup, “I can tell everyone I’ve had the Roger Taylor in my room.”

“You’re oddly coherent in talking for someone who’s drunk their weight in pints and scotch.”

“I give good mouth,” you smack your lips together as if trying to prove your point.

“Ah, there’s the drunk in you.”

--

12. ( Same night - 1967):

“Mmhm, no, stay.” You drowsily reach out and weakly grip the hand resting on your forehead.

“Do you mind if I do? Just to make sure you’re alright in the mornin’?”

“Okay,” you grin and sigh contentedly, allowing Roger to place pillows along your back where you lie on your side.

“I’m going to get you some water and paracetamol, don’t go anywhere without me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Your grip releases from his hand and he places it under your chin gently.

--

13. (1967):

The train station is busy, people are getting jostled on all sides by rushing travellers like dominos fall one after the other. Despite the frigid temperatures of the outside world, the number of people underground have made the heat swell.

“You call me once you get back to Cornwall, okay? Tell me how everyone is?” You tuck Roger’s scarf into his fur coat and he rolls his eyes playfully at your care.

“I will. Have a good holiday.” You both hug each other and the pair of you savour it, knowing this will be the last until school starts again.  

--

14. (1968):

You haven’t seen Roger since before the winter holidays in which you both travelled to your respective sides of England. You did want to go back to Cornwall with him but it was agreed upon (without your knowledge), that this year's holidays would be a family reunion in God-knows-where, Kent.

Having become fast friends after meeting at your orientation day of sixth form, you both knew that your friendship would be able to survive not seeing each other over the uni break. You both agree over the phone on your first night of holidays that a train ride from Kent to Cornwall and vice versa would be too much travel and not enough visiting.

“It was mine as a child.”

“You’re giving me a used, toy lion?”

“Look,” you sigh, “if you don’t want it-”

“No,” he cuts you off, “just wonderin’ why you would give me something important to you.”

“It reminded me of you.” You gesture towards his growing shaggy hair, not dissimilar to your old lion’s mane.

Roger grips the little lion’s paw and brings it under his chin, and doesn’t let it out of his sight.

--

15. (1968):

“You ready for today?”

“Think so,” he passes the cigarette you’re sharing back to you.

“Just wish I’d ignored my mum and brought my kit with me,” he continues, exhaling smoke.

“What’re they called again?”

“Smile.”

“That suits a dental student,” you quip and turn to face him.

“But don’t worry,” you place a hand on his shoulder, “they’ll see how good you are, even if you are auditioning on bongos.”

“Shit,” he pauses, “I’ll be late if I don’t go now.”

“Good luck!” You call and stub the cigarette out on the side of the dorm building before disappearing back inside.

--

16. (1968):

“I cannot believe you just opened for Pink Floyd.” You nudge Roger on the shoulder playfully.

“Neither can I.” He has this far-off look in his eyes, that can’t quite focus on anything except for the poster of the headliner as if he’s still trying to convince himself this moment actually happened.

“Well, tell me more about it! What was it like up on stage?”

There’s something wonderful about the look in Roger’s eyes that he gets when he’s talking about music, it almost paints a picture with the movement of his hands.

--

17. (1969):

You and Roger are the only two left from your group still studying and you haven’t had any time to go and get refreshments. Yearly exams for your universities were hurrying around the corner and you’re stressed, Roger, on the other hand, seems to be coasting by despite hardly ever attending his own classes.

You thought he would’ve bailed hours ago when everyone else did, but he’s been studying vigorously and you’re honestly quite surprised.

“Here, eat.” A wrapped sandwich lands in your lap and you look up at Roger who’s also holding two bottles of water.

“No,” you refuse, pushing the sandwich back, “you need to eat too, though.”

“That’s okay, I bought two.” He draws the other out of his pocket and sits back down, eagerly tucking into his food quietly without alerting the librarian.

--

18. (1969):

“It’s way too late for you to get the Tube back, just stay here.” You, Roger, Brian and their new friend Freddie just got back from a party and while Brian and Freddie have both made their way back to their accommodations, Roger hasn’t.

“Your flatmate won’t mind?”

“She’ll be gone before we wake up,” you whisper, “some people have normal jobs.”

“How are we going to fit?”

“There’s enough room for both of us.” Enough room means practically sleeping on one another, which usually means Roger on your chest or stomach, with a leg wedged in between your own and the other wrapped over your body.

“Alright then,” that seems to elicit yawns from you. You both collapse on the bed and fall asleep on top of the covers, still clothed.

--

19. (1969):

You stare down at the dress in your hand and its price tag, before looking back up at Freddie and Roger, not quite believing they aren’t having a laugh. You knew that most of their items at the stall were vintage, but you didn’t assume they came from somewhere high-end.

“You ripping me off for a particular reason?”

“I can give it to you for free?” Roger sheepishly grins. You reach into your handbag for your purse and get out the required money.

“Absolutely not,” you state, “I’m paying full price.

--

20. (1970):

“Need help with that?” Roger comes to stand at the open doors of his van and watches you struggle to place the hardware of his drum kit gently on the concrete.

You, Roger, Brian and Tim were all setting up for Smile’s latest gig at the pub they frequent.

“It’s not that heavy. I’m stronger than I look.”

To prove your point, you pick up the bass drum with ease and walk away, a slight waddle to your step as it bumps into your side with every second stride. You hear Roger laugh behind you as he slams the doors of the van shut and the pleasant sound follows you through the back entrance to the stage.

--

21. (1970):

“‘Humpy Bong’. Who calls their band ‘Humpy Bong’?” Roger has been complaining about the name of a band more than the fact that their own lead singer just quit. Granted, the name sounds ridiculous to you, but the principle of the matter still stands.

“His loss, he’s the one joining a band about humping a bong.”

You try to change the conversation but Roger launches into another tirade.

“I think he’s right. That show was a load of bollocks.”

“Well, there was room for improvement, yeah,” Brian suggests, attempting to be the optimist.

“I’ve got better things to do with my Saturday nights. I could give you their names.” You and Brian exchange an eye roll as Roger smirks to himself.

“Don’t be vile,” he receives a playful tap on the arm, “besides, I think you’ll find a new singer.”

The men look at you and shrug.

--

22. (1970):

“I’m never eating meat again. Tell Brian I’m joining his club.” You complain as Roger finishes securing another band in your hair to make the mess more secure.

“Now you’re being dramatic, Y/N.”

“My stomach feels like it’s about to leave my body.” You relax against the cool tile wall and accept the glass of water he’s been cyclically passing you since this fiasco started.

“That’s generally what happens when you throw up every hour.”

“You should go to bed, leave me to die in peace,” you moan. It was embarrassing, to get sick at your friend’s house, but you and Roger have been through most things in life with each other, and that eases some of the pressure you’re feeling.

“Sorry, you’re my best friend. I’d stay up all night with you if I had to.”

The hand he rubs across your back is comforting as you hunch yourself forward over the toilet bowl once again.

--

23. (1970):

Roger almost jumps out of his skin as cold hands press against the flat of his stomach beneath his shirt.

“Y/N!”

“I’m cold!” You whine. The flat the Christmas party was held in is cold, you weren’t aware that the idea of this party was to actually emulate outdoor conditions inside and Roger was always warm, so why not use him like a hot water bottle?

“I’m not a heater!”

You lean over, slightly intoxicated, and whisper in his ear, “no, you’re way hotter.”

He grumbles under his breath and you laugh as you stumble away.

--

24. (1971):

“Oh, Roger,” your eyes bug out, “come here. Let me help.”

Roger is trying to wrestle with a cotton ball soaked in alcohol across his bloody knuckles and blistered palms, hissing everytime they pass over sensitive skin from drumming.

“Thanks, love.”

“You must really be in need of help if you’re calling me that,” you lilt and grab a fresh cotton ball.

You blanch as you study his hands.

“You’ve rubbed all the skin off!” He only nods. You gently wipe the blood away and wrap his fingers with band-aids, giving him a respite everytime he winces.

He flexes his fingers gingerly once you finish.

“Thanks again,” he repeats.

Your lips create a smacking noise as they make contact with the calluses on his palm.

--

25. (1971):

The three members of Queen and you stand around Roger’s van after another mediocre performance with their latest bass player, who once again, didn’t live up to the standards Roger, Brian and Freddie all have.

“That’s the millionth bass player we’ve been through since we became Queen!” Roger complains, flinging open the back doors of the van.  

“Bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?”

“Well I don’t see you offering any suggestions,” he glares at you.

“I might know of a bass player.”

“You do?” Brian pipes up, trying not to become too hopeful.

“I’m friends with his girlfriend. I’ll introduce you at the disco we’re going to later this week. His name’s John Deacon, by the way.”

“If this works out you’re brilliant, and the best friend anyone could ask for.” Roger presses a sloppy kiss to your cheek.

“Yeah, yeah,” you wave him off.

[cheekymochiiii]

100 Year’s Quest Chapter 18-20 Tea Time

*camera pans to me sleeping on loveseat only to be woken up by my producer throwing a mug at my face*

Me: Mother*beep*! damn it Craig you *beep*! throw that at my mother *beep* face again and I’ll cut your *beep* off and shove it up your—

*screen displays message that says: please stand by*

*screen returns and shows me sitting with my cup of tea cool as a cucmber*

Me: *clears throat* Sorry about that. I haven’t been getting much sleep lately and as a result I’ve been *says through gritted teeth while glaring at Craig* very irritable.*relaxes* I realize I haven’t aired any shows since Chapter 17, but if you haven’t read the new chapter of Fairy Tail’s 100 Year Quest then that is your fault and I’m not bothering to put a spoiler warning right now. Despite my doubts to having a guest on today’s tea time, production—I mean I thought it would be best to have one anyway. Today we’ve got someone who is on Team Natsu and has had a front row seat to all the exciting *beep* that’s been happening in chapters 18-20.

Me: *gesutres to side of stage* Please audience give a warm welcome to the little braveheart Wendy Marvell!

Wendy: *walks in waving with her cute smile* Hi everyone it’s good to see you all!

Me: *admiring her adorable innocence and then remembers I have a show to shoot * Thank you so much for coming on the show Wendy it means the world to me.

Wendy: Well I heard from Panther Lily and Carla that you’re really...*hesitates to find right word* passionate.

Me: Awe that is a very accurate word to describe me, especially considering I’m a Pisces but sometimes I’m an Aquarius. It depends which website you read but for the most part I identify myself as a Pisces more than an Aquarius.

Wendy: *confused* you don’t look like two fish to me or like the terrifying Aquarius I know.

Me: *laughs at her innocence* actually Wendy here in my world our zodiac signs are given to us based on the month and day we are born in. Each zodiac is given a season in the year.

Wendy: then what happens?

Me: absolutely nothing. zodiacs are basically there just to make excuses for ourselves and how we act.

Wendy: so it’s like...alcohol?

Me: *considers this and shrugs* I mean you’re not wrong. Anyway we’re getting way off topic. Let’s focus back on what’s been happening in your world or at least in chapters 18-20. Most of these chapters were pretty *beep* short so there’s that but I’ll take whatever dose of Fairy Tail I can get.

*production tells me in my ear piece I need to stop cursing due to Tumblr restrictions and reminds me I could get flagged for being inappropriate again*

Me: *states outloud* that’s what the beeps are for you mother *beeps*

*production slaps forehead*

Me: Sorry for that interruption Wendy. My producers are being a bunch of *beep*

Wendy: *stunned at language*

Me: *continues casually* I’m not going to focus too much on Chapter 18 because I’ve already briefly talked about it in my last show. I want to give a simple summary of it. For starters I want to talk about you Wendy and what a bad *beep* you were for being able to find a spell that allowed the non-dragon slayers of Team Natsu to actually do some harm to the dragons y’all will be fighting. Naturally, I’m curious about how obtained this spell but I’m assuming you nor the creators will be willing to share that information with me.

Wendy: *genuine tone* I’m really sorry but I can’t share that.

Me: Coming from you, I’m okay with it. So Team Natsu is officially in the battle with the Water God Dragon and boy are y’all struggling. He’s just really letting y’all have it with his magic and this is still only the first dragon y’all have to defeat for this quest.

Wendy: This Quest will definitely be the hardest one I’ve ever had to do.

Me: You guys have been through so much you barely got a breather.

Wendy: I like the adventures with my friends though. It makes my life more full.

Me: Awe

Audience: Awe

Readers: Awe

Me: You are so precious Wendy and you need to be protected at all times. I’m getting off topic again. Chapter 18. Team Natsu. Battle with Water God Dragon. *stops short statements* I mean, that’s basically it. *remmebers* oh yeah Touka defeated all of your guild mates back in Magnolia.

Wendy: I know I was worried about them too. I still am since you guys haven’t figured out what happens.

Me: *waves and says nonchalantly* I’m sure by the next chapter we will. *wonders internally have I been spelling Touka’s name wrong this whole time?*

Wendy: What makes your so sure?

Me: We’ve been focused a lot on Team Natsu these last few chapters, so I’m going to assume with the screaming-into-pillow ending the creators gave us. The scenery will most likely change come next chapter. Anyway, now it’s Chapter 19 and we are still worried about the favorite team in the world, Team Natsu. Y’all are putting up a good fight but it’s not doing much good. In fact, Natsu tries very hard with all kinds of new and secret spells he’s been holding back from us to defeat the Water God Dragon. However, it nearly becomes too much for our favorite pink haired weirdo hero and he begins to be sucked up into a deadly looking whirlpool created by the Water God Dragon.

Wendy: *nods at the memory* I remember. We were all worried about what was going to happen to Natsu.

Me: *sideglances* even Lucy?

Wendy: *doesnt get what I’m hinting at* yes of course she’s always worried about Natsu on missions and if he might get hurt. Natsu too. They both want to protect each other.

Me: *grinning* most interesting *sips tea* Natsu nearly gets sucked into the whirlpool when ta-dah! *makes spirit fingers* a scaley hand snatched Natsu from it. I had a strong feeling from that ending that the hand was extremely reminiscent of a certain dragon we all love...loved.

Wendy: *nods solemnly* Natsu’s father Igneel. All of us lost our parents that day too unfortunately but not in the same way Natsu lost his tragically.

Me: *trying not to cry* I hear that *sniffles* so that’s how we are left in Chapter 19 those bastard creators. *pauses* hey why wasn’t that bleeped?

*production informs me that bastard isn’t that bad of a word compared to the ones I had been using and reminds audience that this show is for mature audiences only despite the bleeped out words because beeping everything is a struggle for the editing team*

Me: okay now it’s on to the most recent update, Chapter 20. We find out that scaley hand that rescued Natsu is indeed a dragon! We, being the readers, also notice how incredibly and unmistakingly similar this dragon and Igneel look.

Wendy: We were all honestly terrified when this dragon revealed himself. We didn’t know whether he was there to help or hurt us.

Me: Understandable I mean look at that thing. However we find out he’s mostly there to motivate Natsu to defeat the Water God Dragon and ultimately decides the best way to help Natsu is to set the fish city on fire using its own fire. While this seemed discouraging the dragon wants Natsu to consume the fire so it will help him defeat the Water God Dragon. The dragon also says he wants to fight Natsu at his best himself. So why does this mysterious Igneel-looking dragon want to help Natsu and also fight and defeat Natsu? Well that’s what the big reveal of this chapter was.

Me: *takes dramatic pause*

Wendy: *smiles knowingly*

Audience: *holds breath*

Readers: *yawns*

Me: *SHOUTS* ITS IGNEEL’S MOTHER *BEEP* SON YALL. *STANDS UP CAUSING TEA TO SPILL* HIS “TRUE” SON. AND BOIIIIII I’D BE LYIN IF I SAID THAT BOI AINT FINE BECAUSE HE IS ONE GOOD LOOKIN DUDE. I MEAN DO YALL SEE THOSE TATTOOS?!? ALSO WHAT THE *BEEP* DOES THIS MEAN? HES A FIRE GOD DRAGON! HO-LY HELL

Wendy: *nervously sips her tea and realizes why Panther Lily and Carla called Me intense*

Me: *still raging* I JUST CANT BELIEVE IT! I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING AND IVE GOT A FEELING ITS GONNA BE GOOD *relaxes and sits back down* Just wow Wendy I cant wait for what this Quest has in store for us because we are only 20 chapters in and it’s been ridiculous.

Wendy: *still smiling* I know it’s an exciting quest and adventure that truly tests the feelings, will, and strength of our team.

Me: *tearing up* I can only imagine. I can’t wait to get to the end of this long and winding road but I also want it to last forever because I don’t want Fairy Tail to end.

Wendy: *stunned* what do you mean, end?

Me: *saddened* we originally weren’t going to find out what happened to y’all on the 100 Year’s Quest but then, thanks to this super cool and awesome fandom, we were able to push the creators to continue the manga.

Wendy: Wow we really owe a lot to our fandom then

Me: *nods respectingly* yes yes we do. I know I owe a lot to my followers here on the blog, er, show.

Wendy: Why’s that?

Me: Apparently 500 people like my blog, I mean show, enough to follow me for every time I post something new. *begins meaningful speech* I couldn’t be more happy or thankful for every single one of them. I never imagined I would have this many followers because I started with 0 followers and had no connections or friends on here who already had followers and give shout outs to me, right away of course, but now people seem to like what I post and I literally couldn’t be more thankful for them. I post for them.

Wendy: *tearful* that was a really lovely speech.

Me: thanks Wendy. I suppose I should make an edit dedicated to all of them.

Wendy: that’s a nice gift and very kind of you.

Me: no *shakes head and looks off into the distance* how kind of them.

To be continued...

[theobjectashley]

CLASS NOTES - 5

In this lesson we again sat in a circle and discussed our projects and other ideas. I love sitting in a circle in class. Its such a simple way to make everyone feel included. The same people always tend to sit in the back, this way it gives everyone a chance to be as interactive as anyone else. 

My notes from the class were as follows. 

- Reflect on my readings. I have read both. But not very well. They are quite full on to read. A lot of heavy language I havent been exposed to before. I would like to upload both readings in my Tumblr and write a statement about what I have learnt from both. But the main piece of information I picked up, was that we buy objects to fill the lack of human relationships in our life’s. Now this hit me pretty hard. I love objects... You should see my flat its fulled of random bits and bobs i’ve collected and been gifted over the years. And indeed right now, and for the last year I have lacked relationships in all departments. I have less friends now that I have moved into the city, I have less interaction with my parents, and no longer have a boyfriend. Now the boyfriend part i’m happy with. Im much better by myself, Ive always been introverted and respected and enjoyed my own company. But moving out has made me realise how little time I spend with people. I really only interact with others during uni. This is also a reflection on my mental health, when my depression flares I hate company. I don’t reply to anyone and just don’t have the strength to communicate with another human being. I just don’t really care too. This could be why I continue to buy books and bits and bobs. Instead of seeing people to bring me joy, I buy objects to do this for me. 

- Drawings. I havent completed my drawings yet. This is what I am procrastinating the most. I havent completed a sustained observational drawing since first year of this degree. Now I absolutely love to draw. But whilst being the graphic design department I have completely lost this passion within myself. I know by doing this it will open these doors back up. But i’m worried I wont be able to draw like I once had, with all this time that has passed me. It will be a great way to connect with my object. To sit and really observe its features. I hope to get the courage to do this soon. 

- Where has my object taken me that I havent gone otherwise? Gosh were hasn't my object taken me at this point. Its really taken me far. I have been able to analyse my life from a bystanders point of view. I haven’t really looked at myself in this way before. By allowing my object to trigger connections, i’ve been able to reflect on my relationship with my Mum. This is where my object continues to lead back to. I haven’t figured out why. But I also think I do and i’m just ignoring it. Our relationship has been estranged for a few years now. And I hate the way it makes me feel. Im sure my mum does too. But I don’t like confrontation or communicating about emotions. I know I should have a conversation with my mum about why our relationship is at this point. But i’m not sure i’m ready too. 

Asides from reflecting on my relationship with my Mum. Its allowed to think about my presence in the external world. I have realised that I don’t look. I simply float. I have a routine which I complete everyday. I get dressed, catch the bus, go to uni, catch the bus, come home, eat, do uni work, and sleep. During this process I don’t stop to observe my surroundings they whirl past me. But after the beginning of this class i’ve felt myself being a lot more observant whilst completing my day. I now really look at things. I assess all my senses, what can I feel, smell, see, hear. Its allowed me to open up my consciousness once again in a time where my brain wants nothing less. I believe this is having an impact on my depression. Its so easy to be quite up in my depression brain. It consumes me to a point where I really don’t see anything in my day, I only hear a voice that isn't really mine but sounds just like me. 

- Anthropomorphise Research. In a brain dump i posted on the 3rd of March, i started to research sentimentality. I did this to understand the concept from a psychological point of view. In what ways does our brain operate in these moments. I understand a little bit about the brain. Ive read a few books which have helped me realise our brain runs on previous connections. My triggers from my object, are just neurological connections i’ve previously had with rolls of string. But I wanted to understand the bigger picture of the emotions attached to these connections. Now I didn't get that far. But I did come across the world Antromorphise. Kieran referenced this idea today. Hence me deciding to further research as she has a great understanding of its effects and what it means. 

Now heres what ive found...

 “Anthropomorphism is the by product of having an active, intelligent social cognition... Historically, anthropomorphizing has been treated as a sign of childishness or stupidity, but it’s actually a natural byproduct of the tendency that makes humans uniquely smart on this planet,” says Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago. “For example, we often name objects like cars, instruments, boats, and cameras—all items that we develop special relationships with and consider extensions of our own identities... This is just the byproduct of having an active, intelligent social cognition—of having a brain that is programmed to see and perceive minds... The most common form of anthropomorphization is anointing inanimate objects with human names. This tendency has been around for over a thousand years, with ship and sword naming evident in early Homeric epics...  You name the vessel because it becomes your most important companion. You want to believe it has vested interest in keeping you safe—even though it truly has no interests at all.”

https://qz.com/935832/why-do-people-name-their-plants-cars-ships-and-guitars-anthropomorphism-may-actually-signal-social-intelligence/

Now this links back full circle to my graphic design studio research. I have been researching plant intelligence. Now from a point of view such as this article, they would believe that by me talking to my plants I am antromorphising. But i would entirely disagree after my recent findings. I believe that plants do have a mind of there own. Although this is something only starting to be uncovered so my words dont count for much. But I believe people think humans are the only intelligent life on earth. I would entirely disagree and say we are among the stupidest life on earth. If we look at trees and the way they carry messages to one another through underground networking systems, can we say that these are objects? I don’t think so. I think they are beings. If they are capable of transporting information to one another how can they simply be objects. Sorry went off on a bit of a tangent, but thats were my brain just lead me. 

I would like to further research into anthropomorphism, but I think thats enough for today. 

- Performance Art - Woman and Objects (Knife and gun). Now sometime last week I saw a video about a performance piece done a long time ago. An artist sat in a room with a table of objects. On the table lay all sorts of things, including scalpels and a gun. Over the hours during this exhibit, visitors were encouraged to use the objects on the woman in any fashion wanted. It started calmly with people cutting her hair and doing other weird things not too violating. But as the hours went on they started cutting off her clothes and skin. Now for some reason this popped into my head that day so I wrote it down to remind me to reflect on such. Okay I just googled it and found the piece. 

RHYTHM 0 - MARINA ABRAMOVIC

In 1974, in a small studio in Naples, Serbain Artist Marina Abramovic gathered an audience around a table of 72 objects. Within these objects where a comb, a lipstick, a rose, a feather, chains, nails, a safety pin, a kitchen knife, a box of razor blades, a whip and a gun. Beside these objects Abramovic placed a simple set of instructions. “Performance: I am the Object. Duration: 6 hours (8pm-2am). During this period I take full responsibility.” Within these 6 hours, she herself became the object, and those visiting the exhibition became the performers. 

MARINA ABRAMOVIĆ: “I was standing there in the middle of the space,[with] this table with objects I put the objects on the table very carefully chosen, because the objects was for pleasure, and there was also the object for pain and objects that can bring you to death...In the beginning, the public was really very much playing with me. Later on it became more and more aggressive. It was six hours of real horror. They would cut my clothes. They will cut me with a knife, close to my neck, and drink my blood, and then put the plaster over the wound. They will, carry me around, half-naked, put me on the table, and stuck the knife between my legs into the wood.And, even somebody put the bullet in the pistol, and put in my hand and see if I were pressing it, her hand against my hand, if I would resist.But, I remember after six hours when the gallerist come and say this piece, it's finished that I start being by myself and start walking through the audience naked and with blood, and tears in my eyes, everybody run away, literally run out of the door.I remember coming to the hotel that evening, looking at myself in the mirror and seeing really big piece of white hair” 

Now I don’t even know what to say about this. Expect fuck. 

Such a clever and brave lady. I feel like this is an excellent reference for this class. It really shows how disgusting humans can become only in the influence of an object. 

Even more interesting is how she herself committed to becoming an object. The vistors did not see her as a person with emotion and value, only a toy and canvas to play with there chosen objects on. I know that this speaks to so many ideas that I cant comprehend. But I would like to include this in here, and hopefully reflect on it more detail later. 

Sites: https://www.moma.org/audio/playlist/243/3118

- Evidence of Human interaction. Now there is quite a few pieces of evidence of interaction with my object. Firstly I can tell the roll of cotton has been used. It definitely does not have the full 100 yard left. The stickers also have a lot of wear. Showing that this has been carried about moved around by its previous owners. It has been damaged by humans, but by using it for its purpose. Now the evidence of my interaction is not of its intended use. I have unrolled part of the string and attempted to re-roll it back onto the wooden centre. It no longer sits perfectly as if spun on the roll by a machine. You can tell a human has rewrapped it, no precision to be seen. I guess you can now see my interaction with the object and how it has changed.  “Things change because humans change them.” Julia said this today. And an entirely true statement. Weather can also do this to objects. But the way humans change objects most usually isn't with love, its with selfishness of needing the object to serve us. I dont know if any of that made sense or was relevant. Ive been typing for a while now and I honestly feel like im spitting out nonsense. I may need to come back to this one. 

- Agency of Objects. Now this is another phrase Julia said today. I dont really understand it so im going to need to google. 

Definition of Agency:  the capacity, condition, or state of acting or of exerting power; a person or thing through which power is exerted or an end is achieved 

The concept of Agency of Objects: Some archeologists agree that objects are imbued with agency, or at least an ability to evoke some sort of change or response in individual humans or in an entire society, by the very humans who create them... humans are intentional in their creation of objects. Therefore, a person’s creation of an object automatically imbues that object with a certain purpose that its creation aims to fulfill. 

Okay. So the agency of my object was to help with sewing clothes. Its purpose was to do just this. I believe it fulfilled this aim. It has a lot of string missing, and I assume it was used for many sewing projects by Julias Aunt. Julias Aunt allowed it be what it was intended for. Where as I now am interacting with the object that isnt of its agency.

Im not sure if thats what agency of objects means but I think I may have kind of understood it. 

Sites: https://www.brown.edu/Departments/Joukowsky_Institute/courses/materialworlds/1825.html#:~:text=Some%20archeologists%20agree%20that%20objects,very%20humans%20who%20create%20them.

Okay that was a lot of unpacking and writing. I hope that some of these ideas made half the amount of sense that they do in my head. Im learning a lot from this class. Many new ideas entering my head. My brains turned to mashed peas so Im signing off for the day. Thank you to Sylko for allowing me to uncover all this new information. Its agency is now lifting my intelligence. 

[ruby-lights]

Events of Ancient Era

3/9/18: Tumblr is not formatting my posts properly and apparently if i include a picture it just doesn’t show text at all on the dash....no wonder i get 0 notes on posts lol

I. Astrals and the First King of Kings

The Astrals are the summons in the world of FFXV but are more importantly worshipped and treated as Gods. What we know of the Astrals mostly comes from texts scattered around Eos called the Cosmogony as well as information in the game’s loading screens.  The Astrals, also known as The Six or the Hexatheon are described in the Cosmogony as:

Titan, the Archaean, steadfast as stone. Ramuh, the Fulgurian, sharp as lightning. Shiva, the Glacian, gentle as snow. Leviathan, the Hydraean, relentless as tides. Bahamut, the Draconian, unbending as iron. Ifrit, the Infernian, fickle as fire.

Furthermore, there are said to be 24 messengers to these Astrals, which would give each Astral four messengers if split evenly (but we don’t know if such is the case).  The only messengers CONFIRMED to appear in game, however, are Shiva’s messenger Gentiana, Luna’s dogs Pryna and Umbra, and Noctis’s guardian, Carbuncle.  Astrals do not speak the human language but can communicate through the Oracle and their own messengers, as in the case of Gentiana.  Carbuncle does not speak but instead communicates with Noctis through his smartphone.  

The Astrals are able to exist in both the human realm as well as the “Astral Realm.”

The gap between the birth of the Astrals and creation of mankind is vague, however humans are said to be made in the Astrals image, like in Fabula Nova Crystallis where humans are made in the image of the goddess Etro.

The first recorded stories of the Astrals and human interaction that we have occurred over 2,000 years ago during what is known as the Ancient Era.  While most Astrals did not care for humans, Ifrit admired their strength of will and gifted them the power of fire.  Thus, the civilization that became known as Solheim, which translates to “Home of the Sun” in Norwegian, flourished. The Glacian, Shiva warmed by Ifrit’s mercy upon mankind, fell in love with him and developed a fondness for mankind.  

Of course, the people of Solheim’s hubris eventually became too much and they thought themselves superior to the Astrals.  Ifrit, angered by this betrayal declared war on humanity and desired to wipe them out.  However, the other Astrals, sworn to protect Eos no matter the circumstance, turned against Ifrit, thus triggering the Great War of Old.  This battle ravaged the land and created landmarks, most notably Taelpar Crag, created during the battle between Ifrit and Bahamut and the Rock of Ravatogh was where Ifrit's original body was laid to rest following his death.

Also, around this time, the plague known as the Starscourge began to infect the people of Eos. Its exact origins unclear, the Starscourge has the effects of lengthening nighttime as well as turning humans and animals into violent creatures known as daemons.  The corruption which turns humans into daemons in the world of Eos is like both the power of chaos and the Cie'th curse in the Fabula Nova Crystallis mythology.

II. The Chosen Bloodlines After the Great War, while the other Astrals, exhausted from their battle with Ifrit, went into slumber, Bahamut attempted to save Eos from the threat of the Starscourge.  He gave his powers to two bloodlines.  To the Nox Fleuret family of Tenebrae, he chose a “pious maiden” to become what is known as The Oracle, giving her the power to speak with the Astrals, as well as delay the spread and heal those afflicted by the Starscourge. Bahamut also gave the Oracle his trident.  From then on, the women in the Nox Fleuret family would inherit the title and powers of the Oracle.

Cosmogony Entry about the Oracle The Oracle In the distant past, Bahamut, the Draconian, descended to the mortal realm and graced the people of Tenebrae. From among them, he handpicked a pious maiden and bestowed upon her the power of the Stars and his trident. Using these gifts for the good of all, she became the first Oracle—she who joins heaven and earth.

She most pure of faith is the Oracle, a daughter in the line of those said to commune with the Six. Blessed by the Astral gods, she calls forth the power of Eos to heal those who are suffering and afflicted. Her devotion to helping all those in need has inspired reverence for her among people from all over the world. —The Six and the Oracle – II

She is also able to forge covenants with the Astrals.  The rites of the covenant are a means by which the Oracle summoned forth the gods, that she might make the will of mortals known unto the divine.

The Revelation Trials by which the Six grant their blessing are first mentioned in ancient tomes dating back to the time of the Cosmogony, some two millennia ago. Revelations left great devastation in their wake, with entire cities being laid to ruin, and people saw them as tests of their faith.

A man, from another yet named bloodline was also chosen by Bahamut.  The Cosmogony entry, The Crystal states:

There once lived a man, born a mortal but blessed with powers divine. Conjuring a collection of glaives, he dispelled the darkness plaguing our star. As a reward for his efforts, the gods granted him a holy Stone—the Crystal, which he was to guard at all costs, for it would one day choose a King to see us through the coming disaster and lead us to salvation.

The Final Fantasy XV Scenario Ultimania posits that rather than being able to use the Crystal's true power, kings of Lucis have the responsibility of protecting it, and that the Crystal picks the "Chosen King" /“King of Kings”/ “True King” when disaster comes to the world. Thus, implying that the Crystal has sentience and a will of its own.

The True King is homage to the concept of the Warriors of Light, one of the core concepts of the Final Fantasy series of heroes chosen by the crystals—be it by a prophecy, a will, or by fate—to embark on the journey to fight evil or restore balance to the world.

The line that protects the Crystal would eventually become known as the Lucis Caelums. However, formerly, at least according to the German translation, they were known as the Izunias. The Crystal is a magical stone that is a source of immense power. Though its light is said to be for the benefit of all of mankind, only the kings of Lucis have been gifted the ability to wield its power.

[http://verslin.tumblr.com/post/171568910589/german-translation-of-ardyns-dossier-izunia]

This collection of glaives that the Izunias/Lucis Caelums wield is known in game as the Armiger.  This power seems not to draw from the Crystal but is something unique to this family. The power of Lucis Kings are enshrined in royal tombs scattered throughout the world and the weapons they house are special. Every new king's duty is to collaborate to the collective power of kings by adding their own royal arm to the mix, and princes embark on trips across the land to collect the arms of their forebears from their royal tombs. Many of the weapons have been lost, however, the location of their tombs unknown.  Thus, there are actually 112 weapons total even though we only see 13 in game.  

III. The Ring of the Lucii

Before falling into eternal slumber, the Six bequeathed unto man one last treasure: a ring. Yet who among us was fit to possess this gift of the gods? After some time, the ring was transferred to the hands of a man blessed with powers divine, ultimately developing the mark identifying one fit to rule.

The Lucis Caelums were also given the Ring of the Lucii which allowed the Lucis bloodline to combine their strength across generations by a process known as the “bonding of souls.”  The Ring allows for the wearer to call upon the combined strength of all the former rulers of Lucis.  However, the wearer must be deemed worthy enough to use the power of the ring by the Rulers of Yore, a select 13 of Lucis Kings and Queens. The ring has taken the lives or permanently injured those who it deemed not worthy. Using the Ring also drains the user’s lifeforce even if they are a Lucis Caelum.  Thus, the power of the Crystal gradually concentrates lifeforce until the king who wields all of the Crystal's power will be crowned the True King who can purge the Starscourge at the cost of his own life, or in Bahamut’s words “the blood price.”  This became the prophecy: "When darkness veils the world, the King of Light shall come." With the plan to cleanse the world of Starscourge in motion, Bahamut disappeared from Eos, and the tales of the Astrals became legends.

IV. The Founder King Two thousand years ago, our main antagonist Ardyn Izunia was to be the first Lucian king. He believed he was chosen by the Crystal to save Eos from the Starscourge.  He did so by absorbing the Starscourge into his own body to protect his subjects.  What powers he possessed that enabled him to do so remain unknown.  While his actions saved thousands across the world, he was rejected by the Crystal as tainted, and was denounced by the Astrals and his ascendance to the throne was denied. He was unable to die, barred entry to the Astral Realm since the daemons he had absorbed rendered him immortal. He states he was “betrayed” by his younger brother, who would become the first king of Lucis, also known as the Founder King or The Mystic. However, in the Royal Pack, the Mystic pleads of Noctis to "free my brother from his curse."  Perhaps it wasn’t even a real betrayal by his brother and the Crystal merely chose his brother over Ardyn regardless of his brother’s choice in the matter. Anger and revenge twisted Ardyn for thousands of years he lost sight of the kind ruler he once was. Ardyn’s actual backstory is still shrouded in mystery which hopefully Episode Ardyn will clear up.  Ardyn retook the surname of "Izunia" and plotted to one day end the Astral-appointed bloodlines of the Lucian kings and Tenebraean Oracles, particularly the “True King.”

[loseweighttoday]

Top Benefits of Learning Spanish Start Learning Spanish Right From Your Home

What are the benefits of learning Spanish? Well, learning a new language, like Spanish, is a good idea for a handful of reasons: you can increase your chances of being able to work from anywhere in the world, more easily meet and date folks in countries where most people don’t speak your native language and maybe even get to travel the world for free.

Each language comes with its own pros and cons. Some, like English, are spoken widely throughout the world, making it incredibly beneficial. Others, like Paakantyi, are only still spoken by a handful of people, but allow learners to be one of the sole speakers maintaining its existence.

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The benefits of learning Spanish are plentiful. But for the sake of brevity, we’ll only include the nine most major ones.

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9 Major Benefits of Learning Spanish

1. One of the best languages to learn for travel

As of 2016, there were 437 million Spanish-speakers throughout the world. That’s 17% of the entire world. Not only does this heft number make Spanish the second most-spoken language in the world, but it is also the official or national language of 21 countries. In the Americas, 418 million people speak it, and in the European Union, 8% of folks speak it as a first language, and 7% speak it as a second language. The point of all of these fancy facts and figures is that if you learn Spanish, you’ll be hard-pressed to go somewhere where at least a few people don’t speak it. This will make you a better-equipped traveler, allow you to meet even more people and enrich your personal experiences.

Plus, you’ll be able to speak like a pro in some of the most beautiful countries in the world where Spanish is the official language:

Argentina

Colombia

Mexico

Peru

Panama

Costa Rica  

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2. Learning Spanish makes you more employable Yes, you read that correctly. Learning Spanish makes you more employable. At this point, we’re sure this isn’t surprising. Spanish is one of the six official languages of the United Nations, and the third most-used language in the media. The importance of Spanish as a business language is hard to dispute. With the economic development of many Latin American countries, Spain being the 14th highest for GDP in the world and an influx of Spanish-speakers in countries like the United States, anyone who knows, or learns, Spanish will be at a great disadvantage. According to The Economist, learning Spanish will net you an additional $51,000 in life. Oh, did we also mention that 10% of the language used on the Internet is in Spanish?

3. It’ll keep your mind sharp According to Alzheimer’s Today, “Speaking more than one language appears to help the brain resist the effects of Alzheimer’s disease.” Italy’s Vita-Salute San Raffaele University in Milan conducted a study in which they studied CT scans of 85 older patients with Alzheimer’s disease. 45 of them spoke both German and Italian and 40 spoke only one of the two languages. As you can imagine, those who were bilingual performed better than monolingual speakers on short and long-term memory tasks. In fact, they scored three to eight times higher despite their brain scans showing more severe deterioration!     

4. You’ll become a better person Okay, we know this is a bold claim, but it’s true. At least, it’s true if you define being a better person as someone who is empathetic towards others and can read social cues. Learning another language, like Spanish, won’t only increase your ability to focus, but it will also help you understand cultures that are unlike your own. According to NPR, “bilingual children as young as age 3 have demonstrated a head start on tests of perspective-taking and theory of mind — both of which are fundamental social and emotional skills.

”5. A world of art, literature and beauty will open up to you One of the most major benefits of learning Spanish is that you’ll gain access to the unparalleled world of rich Hispanic culture. Watching classic movies, like Pan’s Labyrinth, in their natural language is more enjoyable than watching with subtitles. The same goes for reading literary heavyweights, like Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Pablo Neruda, in the way that they originally wrote their books. Engaging with works in their original language provides you with deeper insights into them than you can access through translations. And while art may not have an exact language, being able to speak Spanish may help you better enter the mind of Pablo Picasso, Salvador Dali and many others. The same extends to music of the greats, like Gloria Estefan, Celia Cruz and Tito Puente.         

6. Get a better handle on pop culture

In the same way that learning Spanish will give you access to classic literature, cinema, art and music, it will also open worlds to the the most dynamic and vibrant pop talent of today. If you’ve been to a club or bar in the last five years, it’d be difficult to hit the dance floor without shaking your hips to a song by Pitbull, Enrique Iglesias, Ricky Martin, Shakira or any other top Spanish-speaking musician. And aside from the dance floor, Spanish has entered the modern vernacular of many large brands and restaurants like Taco Bell’s famous saying of, “Yo quiero Taco Bell,” or McDonalds’ “Me encanta.” Other brands, like Walmart, are spending millions of dollars every year targeting Hispanic audiences. Whether you want to work for one of these organizations, or just be in the know when you see an ad in Spanish pop up, learning Spanish will help you get there.

7. It won’t take you too long

Now, how long it takes you to learn Spanish is entirely dependent on who you are, how you study and if you’ve studied it, or a similar language before. According to the American Council of Teaching Foreign Language (ACTFL), languages are divided into two classes:

Group I: Spanish, French, Portuguese, among others

Group IV: Arabic, Chinese, Japanese and Korean

The languages in Group I, which include Spanish, take 480 hours of professional curriculum to achieve mid-advanced fluency. It’s important to remember here that how one defines “fluency” is entirely subjective. Some folks say they’re fluent in a language if they can read and write without a dictionary. Others claim that true fluency is impossible because it’d take a lifetime to understand all of the cultural idiosyncrasies if you didn’t grow up in it. Either way, Spanish is widely regarded as one of the easiest languages to learn, so you can be up and running with basic reading and speaking skills in no time.

8. Slang will become a way of life

With 437 million Spanish-speakers in the world, it’d be crazy to think they all speak Spanish in the same way. Some people, like in Spain, speak Spanish with a lisp. Others, like in Argentina, shorten words (e.g. tranquilo, for calm, to tranqui) down and some people speak a Spanish creole, like in the Dominican Republic, that’s difficult for native Spanish speakers from other countries to understand. According to Wikipedia, Hispanic American Spanish can be grouped into:

Mexican

Central American

Caribbean (Cuba, Venezuela, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Panama, Caribbean Colombia and Caribbean Mexico)

Andean-Pacific (Colombia, Peru, Ecuador, West Bolivian, and Andean Venezuela).

Rioplatense (Argentina, Uruguay, East Bolivian and Paraguay)

Chilean (Chile, Cuyo)

Within European Spanish (Spain), there are also a handful of dialects:

Northern Peninsular (Asturias, Castilla y León, Cantabria, Basque country, Navarre, Aragón, Rioja, Provinces of Guadalajara and Cuenca)

Central-Southern Peninsular (Madrid, Toledo, La Mancha)

Southern Peninsular (Andalusia, Extremadura, and Murcia)

Canarian (Canary Islands)

Despite all of these dialects, most educated people will be able to understand one another regardless of which Spanish-speaking country they’re from. Standard usage of formal Spanish in Hollywood and many forms of literature helps to create a standard version that most people understand. But, on the flip side, all of this diversity can help anyone become a master in cross-cultural slang. Each dialect and Spanish-speaking region comes with their own sets of idioms and unique cultural differentiators, which makes learning Spanish fun and engaging. The number of ways you’ll be able to express yourself will be endless.

9. More chances to fall in love

One of the benefits of learning Spanish or any language is that you’ll widen your pool of romantic prospects. We live in a world where the number of Spanish-speaking people is only growing. Those who don’t attempt to learn even a little put themselves at a romantic disadvantage. How amazing would it be to travel to another country and connect with others in their own languages, versus hoping they speak your own? Learning a new language naturally enriches your life, and gives you the opportunity to meet people whom you’d never be able to communicate with before. It is a gift, and something you shouldn’t deprive yourself of.

Want To Start Learning Spanish Now From The Best Possible Source Online Click Here

[this-brownie]

3.31.20

it feels therapeutic to write things out and be able to put my thoughts into words that I can visualize. I, sadly, had to stop writing in my old blog because Tumblr locked me out of it because I no longer had access to that Email…fucking yahoo and 2007 emails…anyway. I want to do a continuation from that blog so I will be making quite some posts about my past, starting from around April 2016.

https://somebrownie.tumblr.com

lets begin with a little background. so dad died on April 16 2017, but he had been sick for years before that. it first started off with slurred speech almost like he was drunk or something, which was when I was in tenth grade, and then progressed to him not being able to speak at all, resorting to writing on paper to communicate with us, not being able to eat solid foods anymore, having to get a tube attached onto his throat, bringing in medical equipment that was situated on his bed while he slept, and eventually having to move to a nursing home completely where he spent his final two years. I am not going to discuss what a domineering and prideful man he was, what a workaholic he was, how he tried to show us his love and affection through money and materialism, or how his death impacted me. those can be discussed at a later time. 

one positive result that came from this situation is that I had a little more freedom in pursuing the life I wanted. my mom always looked to him for guidance on every decision— I knew I wouldn't be able to marry the person who I loved because he would never allow it. Levi is a jew after all and as a muslim im supposed to hate him, of course. after he died, my mom became severely lost— she had never been completely independent. however, she still had her reservations when I told her who I wanted to marry. I had to be extremely forward, logical, and manipulative about it because old habits and a lifetime of molded mentality don't wash away that easily. a few factors helped me achieve my goal: I was in the process of graduating and had no means to get a job in my field because I didnt have the legal papers to reside in this country. by getting married, I would obtain a green card which would allow me to make money and make use of my degree. also, there was less pressure to uphold an image for our distant family and relatives— people had naturally started distancing themselves the sicker my dad became. less wealth flowed into our house meaning less parties to throw, less opportunities to give gifts to others, and less reasons to cook fancy food. this all contributed to people checking up less on my mom— all these people who she hold so dearly, couldn't give less of a fuck when they had nothing to benefit them. I asked her, are these the people youre trying to impress? is this the reason you want to hold me back? because it won't look good to THEM even tho they don't help us  at all? even while we are struggling? the last sneaky tactic I pulled was telling her that there are several friends who are willing to marry me, but at a cost. only one person who is willing to do it without a charge (good old Levi haha). and to my utter shock, she slowly agreed. I wasn't sure if she completely understood so I confirmed…”you know that means I have to live with him right…in case the lawyers check?” she said she understood and was okay with it. sweet success. that was June 2018.. in a couple months we will have been married for two years now.

Levi and I have been seeing each other since 2011. so our marriage was….a long time coming to say the least. luckily I had the chance to meet almost all of his immediate family members before we fully committed. the first people I met were his aunt candy and uncle chuck way back in 2013 for thanksgiving, and then again for Levis graduation ceremony in 2014. I've gone over for thanksgiving and passover dinners throughout the years as well. I met Levis parents for the first time in 2015 (I think) in boston and I was deathly nervous. his dad used to teach Jewish studies at both Harvard and yale—he's retired but still gets invited to conferences to gives speeches around the world. his mom opened a free after school program to teach poor children who don't have access to educational resources. so ofc I was so nervous I could hardly breathe. I wore a cute, not too revealing, dress and minimal makeup. thankfully, they steered the conversation and actually didnt interrogate me too much. we mostly just told stories which was nice. I remember one conversation where I talked about my degree in linguistics, my affinity for learning and understanding how languages work, and seamlessly adding an anecdote from a tv show that Levi and I watched from just the night before. the person on tv, I think he may have been European, wasn't able to pronounce the word “skewer” which I found very interesting because there are many sounds our tongues can't produce because we are not used to moving them in that certain way. something about the brain and tongue not being able to make the connection between the ways a foreign word is spelled and the different areas it has intonations. like, native Spanish speakers would have a difficult time saying an English word that starts with ‘sp’ like “special” or ‘sk’ in “school” because in their language the letter s isn't followed by another consonant; the sound of the letter ‘e’ always precedes the ‘s’ (like if you were to literally sound out the letter ‘s’)-- so a speaker would pronounce it as “especial”. anyway! I told his parents this tidbit that I found intriguing and added that Levi isn't able to pronounce the sound ‘gh’ but his dad was able to make all those sounds perfectly! which impressed me and put a smile on my face. his mom, who is French, was practicing the different sounds herself (not properly) and his dad just makes eye contact with me, rolls his eyes in a goofy way aimed at his wife, which cracked me up because here is this sweet woman trying her best and her silly husband secretly, but lovingly, making fun of her. it touched me because it felt so tender and genuine, when I had never really seen something like that exchanged in between my own parents.

I met his younger sister and middle brother, but only after we got married. his sister alissa is a such a sweet, quiet, docile woman who really looks up to and adores Levi. she used to stay near us while she studied law at nyu. his brother David is animated, quirky yet can be very serious, and is very kind as well. I probably didnt leave a good first impression because the three of us had been walking to a restaurant and this HUGE man and his huge ass fucking dog purposely bumped into me, in order to get by me. I don't think Ive ever gotten that angry at a stranger. I was actually in pain at how hard he smacked into me. I started cursing and Levi was shocked that I was being so loud/violent especially in front of his family member. I just said “did you see his fucking size? did he really need half the block just ti get past me?” in my head im thinking, its because im a small woman that he knows he can get away with it. and then Levi finally realized the gravity of the situation and said “should I go talk to him?” but the man had already walked away at this point. I calmed down at that point thinking, yes im gonna let my tiny husband fight this massive douche bag. I apologized to david and we just continued on.

I never got a chance to meet levi’s eldest brother, wife and youngest kids until I visited Israel (different post!) but I did meet hilly, their oldest daughter when she visited nyc with Levis parents. she's sweet, a bit of a rebel, maybe even hotheaded and insecure like the way I was when I was a teen. I enjoyed spending time with her and gifted her a bunch of lipsticks/glosses and a mascara from Sephora when we all had to say goodbye. I think she felt comfortable that I was younger because she opened up to me about her boyfriend, and told me to keep it a secret. I knew she liked me too because once Levi and I finally got married, she told him that she knew we were going to get married as soon as she met me.

even though I had a lot of luxuries as a child, I never truly experienced unconditional love without trauma or negativity. others may have it worse, but I had what I had. I've dealt with it and come away from it as a better person thanks to Levi. I feel happy to call them my family now, and that they accept me without hesitation despite me being muslim, or much younger. I still feel shy to talk to them on the WhatsApp group chat but im working on it! 

[kairoskrp]

                                       — On the wicked wings of time, thy kingdom comes

Meet [ Lee Sunmi ]

She is a [ twenty-four] year old  [ florist at floralis & aspiring author ] currently residing in [ Sunhwa Apartments, #202 ]. Visit  and greet her today!

Personality:

i. there comes a time to make friends. to develop bonds that may last for years or shatter in a matter of months. she chose to linger at the back– to observe, understand, and learn. to find a place for herself without the excessive need for interaction. it’s better that way. keep to yourself. rely on yourself. only walk with those that choose to fall into step beside you. she had no use for attention. had no use for more friends than necessary. fate would lead her towards those that needed her most (and those with hidden, often unfounded, purpose in her life).

ii. knowledge not only bears power but advanced understanding. a burning desire to learn more about all that’s around her. the bad and the good. gaining a better grasp on what she must do in this world to make it better. to learn is to experience new adventures. the movement of the body through dance; the creation of art with words, color, and music (not that she’s successful through it all — but trying counts). to learn is to make strides in bringing goodness to this world– for women. for men. for the in betweens many may still not be able to accept or embrace. she learns to better herself to better the people around her to better the world as a whole.

iii. her heart swells with want of happiness for others. to watch them prosper, find their place in life, improve not only themselves but everything around them. she’ll happily serve as guide for those that ask. council for those that request it. shoulder- ear- eyes- arms- whatever they may need. it’s all she believes she can offer (all she’s been able to; a heart decidedly stunted and a body yet to find need in another). all she asks is to be allowed to give without expectation of reciprocation.

Spirit: Hecate

Power: Spell Casting

( + ) able to cast spells which allows the user to magically alter and manipulate reality (object or living beings) to a varying/determined extent. ( - ) all spells must be spoken aloud otherwise they have no effect on the chosen target. spells are also less likely to be effective if lacking a personal connection to the item/person. ( + ) the user may use pre-existing spells (within their level of skill) as well as create spells of their own (which can be personalized for their own use only). ( - ) sunmi has always had a difficult time when it comes to learning other languages, therefore she can only utilize spells written/translated into Korean or English. ( + ) materials such as herbs, candles, objects, etc. may be used to amplify spells. ( - ) sunmi is only able to use objects that hold significant meaning to her or those she intends to cast a spell upon for this purpose, as well as only herbs grown in her own garden, and candles made by her own hands. ( +/- ) intent must be clear and stated as specifically as possible otherwise the spell may go awry or come to fruition far differently than the user had intended. ( +/- ) spells are most powerful during the night (they have a higher chance of failing when cast during the day), and most specifically during the full moon. it still doesn’t fully guarantee that the spell will be foolproof.

Biography: i. 3:33am, may second punctuated with the first strangled cries of new life. body swaddled so expertly there was no chance of escape (yet that was all her squirming, wriggling small body seemed to want). mother claimed she’d been born curious. eyes wandering the very moment they opened properly and hands reaching for anything they could when set free. father claimed her to be smarter than every other infant. reacting to her name before she even knew what it meant and mouth forming silent words when no other sound seemed suitable. mother and father claimed her to be special.

she was simply sunmi.

ii. she’ll grow into her curiosity. absorbing every ounce of new information provided on a daily basis from the exact moment she begins understanding the concept of real and fantasy. dogs bark– always seeming to be the loudest at night. why was that? (but they never bark at her; never show anything but the utmost respect and love whenever they may cross paths.) sometimes the moon rises, but there are always those few nights where the sky remains dark. save for the few pinpricks of stars that break through light pollution– that was something new as well. to think light could “pollute” the world when it was meant to be the good on the opposing side of darkness. mommy and daddy treated her like a princess– their pride and joy, the only true treasure in this world. she’ll grow up playing normal, with access to all the best resources a growing girl- growing mind- growing spirit could ask for.

she was more than she ever wanted to be but her parents seemed to accept that without complaint.

iii. such a quiet girl. always staying out of trouble — never drawing too much attention to herself, nose always stuck in a book. they were meant to be compliments, of course. elementary school a quick pass through simpler times. this plus this- that minus that- multiply multiply and divide and you’ll get your answer (numbers quickly became her least favorite thing). this word means this. you spell it this way. add it to this sentence and you have something special! age six, sunmi knew words were important. spoken on a daily basis, weaving the many stories she’d already come to love, giving new expression to every thought and emotion she had slowly began to understand. age ten, and sunmi found a magic in words that couldn’t be explained. still lured towards fantastical tales while her peers discovered what “like” really meant.

there was something big buried between every line and letter and she found determination in making that discovery.

iv. the first dream came at twelve. blamed on the transition from child to preteen– and elementary to middle school student. a blurred image of flickering light lining what looked to be a darkened path. followed with careful step after careful step until coming upon a —– crossroads. something she’d only truly found mentioned, both metaphorically and literally, in the novels tucked away on her shelves. and there before her stood the vague image of a figure– one that could neither be identified as a man or woman. a whispered voice sounding in her head with no indication of origin — but somehow she knew the figure held responsibility. and they become a frequent visitor (four to five times a week to be exact). but only when time drew closer to her 13th birthday did details become smoother. a woman. her voice now a comforting murmur dripping with a strong sense of will and unwavering surety.

age thirteen came with the gift of a name and a scrap of advice: “let words guide you. they will be both your shield and your sword. stand tall, my dear, and weave them well.”

v. birthday wishes, and first and shooting stars had never been practical. wishes? they didn’t exist! what you wanted you received or you didn’t; you asked for or took for your own. but age sixteen arrived with so many wants and needs — words now dissolving at the tip of a mocked tongue. too many times labeled “strange” by her peers for the far-beyond-her-years phrases and unnecessary facts often filling awkward silences. mother and father too busy with their advancements in careers to pay her the mind they once did.

‘choose your words carefully– and allow yourself to have whatever you may desire.’ yet another dream with the woman with whom sunmi now shared —– everything. request practiced once– twice– several times over to ensure she got them right. directed to the very first star she spotted that night. a ripple — not through her physical form but her very existence once the last word flitted from her tongue. and oh she wanted it so badly.

and though she received it (received almost everything asked for in such a ritual thereafter) it was never —– exactly how she imagined it.

vi. she’ll come into herself and the one she’s meant to be (years of nightly dreams spent with vague guidance and lessons needed but never asked for). mother and father never the wiser to such extracurricular activities and explorations. she’ll walk a bit taller taking her last steps from the high school grounds — looking back only once to bid farewell to what she gained and all she missed. university would welcome her in ways the halls and classrooms (and peers) before never had. finding a place for herself among like minded people, settling into independence with little resistance, and learning more not only of herself but the workings of the world. broadening her horizons– in the manner of working with words and making them dance with (delicate) puppet strings. discovering her need to help– to walk beside those that needed her most.

she grew into that girl, sunmi, that never had a real chance of just — being. she grew into that spirit, hecate, that she only knew from ancient tales and dreams.

and one day, when the song of night becomes too much to resist, she’ll grow into something more.

[rilenerocks]

I have a beloved friend named Julie. I’ve been lucky enough to have kept her in my life for about 50 years. We met in college. We were part of the revolutionary days of the late ‘60’s and early 70’s. We were anti-war, pro-women’s and civil rights and profoundly anti-establishment and anti-patriarchy. Julie was a warrior-poet. Erudite, well-read, sardonic and bitingly funny, she was my kind of person. She had the courage to head a slate of candidates who were running for office as an alternative student government, with Julie as the chair. Everyone won but her. A more moderate male was elected to the spot which should rightfully have been hers. Hard times for women back then, despite some progress. Still hard times. I knew Julie before she married her husband Rich as she knew me before I married Michael. Today that seems almost as if we were friends in prehistoric times.

She was a few years older than me. I can’t find a couple of excellent photos of her from back in those days but I include a few blurry ones. She was very spirited and beautiful, along with all her intellectual firepower. Julie was a “townie,” born in the community where we both attended college. When she got involved with Rich who was a graduate student, she got a job and stayed in town while he was finishing his degree. They had a daughter who is few years older than mine.

When many of our friends made the post-graduation exodus to Chicago, we still had each other and I felt lucky that our two daughters, a few years apart in age, played in the same houses together. Eventually, Rich got a job at a college in Kentucky and they packed up and moved away. We wrote, frequently at first, and then less so. But it didn’t really matter. When we got together, we had one of those easy relationships that picked up where it left off, without any difficult transitions.

Eventually, they moved to Ames, Iowa where they still reside. They came back her to Julie’s hometown for visits. Eventually her dad died which was a big deal because he was a department head at the University. I remember going to the memorial service for him which was crowded and blurry because of all the attendees. But I was there. As years went by, Julie’s mom ultimately needed living assistance and Julie mover her to Ames. Visits home decreased. Still we managed to stay in touch.

About 19 years ago, breast cancer showed up in Julie’s life at a pretty early age. It was one of the particularly nasty types, the Her-2 positive and she was blasted with treatment. She clawed her way through all of that and came out on the other side for which everyone was deeply grateful. But about three years ago, cancer reappeared in her liver, the same breast cancer as the earlier one with a slightly different mutation. How incredible that a cancer can lie dormant for almost seventeen years and then re-emerge in a new place and be so life-threatening. By that time, Michael had succumbed to his cancer and I was a free agent. Cancer can be such an isolating experience, I’d vowed to myself that I would make myself available to loved ones and friends who were going through treatments and hard times.

So I took off for Ames in fall of 2017 to spend some time with my old friends and give support and empathy in their difficult situation. We had a wonderful visit and although we were uncertain about how effective the treatments would be, I hoped that I’d see Julie again. And that’s exactly what happened. She outlived her prognosis and actually did well enough to make a visit back here last year.

Other dear friends from Chicago joined us and we all were thrilled and hopeful that she would be one of those who’d beat the odds. She had such a good time that she talked about the possibility of moving back here and reestablishing a life in the town of her childhood. We continued to communicate and all seemed well. But suddenly things took a dark turn – the liver cancer metastasized and spread to her colon. An exploratory surgery unearthed too many bad spots and the only alternative was a “light” chemo, as if anything that toxic could actually be termed light. Her response was dreadful with her immune system getting hammered and making her vulnerable to virtually any opportunistic germ. Slowly she recovered from that.

During the US Open, she and and Rich and I spoke before my personal favorite, Roger Federer’s match on a Tuesday evening. We were all pretty lighthearted. But the next day, Julie was having dreadful abdominal pain and was hospitalized. After scans and other tests, the doctors concluded that she had an intestinal obstruction which in the case of someone with her disease, was considered a death sentence. On September 7th, Rich sent out a note to family and friends saying that Julie had days to weeks to live and was being transferred to a hospice facility. He told people that if we wanted to plan a goodbye we were welcome to do that and transmitted a message from Julie expressing her gratitude for all the love she’d felt from all of us who’d been part of her life.

I sat stunned in my living room, not knowing what I should do. My knee replacement surgery was dull pretty recent and an hours long car ride with my leg bent seemed like a terrible idea. So I decided to send Rich a note with the request that he read it to Julie who was being treated for pain and being fed through nasogastric tubing. I wrote this on September 7th, the same day I got this dreadful news.

My dearest Julie

I have lain beside you in beds and on couches since we were so very young, when we were vulnerable and pained, and when we were angry and valiant, and  so “in your face,” assholes of the world. So I lay beside you now, in some ethereal form which should be wordless in reality, but is not in the case of you and me. I remember.

Hours of talking and sorting and handholding. Speaking of love and sadness and mysteries of this difficult world. Gales of laughter through the worst of times. The gifts of our language which we acquired on the journey of this life ring in my head. Julie the poet. I could listen to you for hours and you listened to me, a master of graffiti, as we found the right word that would resonate for whatever was the urgency of the moment.

I have not left you and you will not leave me. Whatever are the crevices that our bodies hold for those who come along and somehow wriggle into the fabric of our person is the place I am in you and the place you are in me. Even when we are converted to ash or dust, that space for each other was settled long ago. I wish you release from every type of pain. You’ve suffered better life’s challenges because your will came from a place of love. For as long as I am a corporeal being I will lift your banner and try to ease the pain of your dearest family. I treasure what we’ve been able to share in recent years, an affirmation of what is unbreakable and forever. I love you, Julie, for now and always. Thank you for being a gift in my life.

Renee

I thought this would be the last communication between me and my old friend and I was terribly sad. But as days went by, there were changes happening with Julie. She decided she wanted her feeding tube removed as it was interfering with her ability to feel close to people. That happened, and eventually, she progressed from a tiny amount of liquids to more solid food with no significant adverse effects. After days in hospice went by, she was able to have her IV pain meds replaced with other forms of delivery and got strong enough to get around without her walker. By September 23rd, Rich informed us that Julie was going into hospice at home where she could look at her own trees through her windows and have the comforts of her own space as she walks down the narrower road to end of life.

People were invited to visit and on September 26th, I felt good enough to climb in the car for a seven hour drive to see my friend. That was a longer trip than I expected due to construction and traffic and I worried that Julie might be too tired to relate to me. And sure enough, within about 45 minutes of my arrival, her eyes were closing. So I thought I would give her what I could in silence and darkness. I must have a peculiar pheromone, one that my family calls my special sleep “juju” that acts like a sedative on most people. I climbed in Julie’s bed and she put her pillows in my lap, snuggled under a blanket and allowed me to gently massage her until she passed out. And I sat there for about three hours sending my quiet love and empathy to her as she rested.

The next day she felt pretty well and between appointments with hospice people and her daughter coming over, we chatted and talked about everyday life, old memories, death, cancer and everything in between. I slipped out for awhile to have lunch on my own and give Rich and Julie some downtime and quiet space. I also wanted to find some sweets and fruit that the nurses were recommending for extra calories to provide strength. A lovely cafe with a bakery helped me feed myself and bring in treats that I hoped Julie would enjoy. We stayed up later last night, squeezing as much time in as we could get but everyone feared that the full time company could prove too exhausting and that she might totally crash today. But she felt better than she’d anticipated and we talked some more about the big ideas of life with a few light notes tossed in for fun.

But then it was time to leave as I had a long drive ahead of me and Julie had the aspects of hospice that include visits. Time is a valuable commodity. So we had what might have been our final embrace. Julie is fragile but wept with strength while I held on to myself as I learned to do by all the practice I had in grieving Michael during his day by day decline. I have no idea how long Julie will stay alive or if I’ll have the chance to see her again. This time of my life, as is true for all of us who are aging, will be filled with losses. I feel as if chunks of my history are being carved out of the tapestry that winds out behind me. Of course I have the peculiar combined pain and gift of memory which I hope I retain as long as I’m alive. There’s doesn’t seem much point in being around if you know nothing of yourself. But for now, I hope that visiting Julie while she is still cognitive and aware was the gift I intended it to be. It was hard for me. I’m still too close to Michael’s death so I relive that time in moments like this. I’m not sorry I did it though. Love is love and love is pain and pain is love and all is a jumbled mess. At least that’s how I see it.

Julie and Farewells I have a beloved friend named Julie. I’ve been lucky enough to have kept her in my life for about 50 years.

[thorne93]

What Are We Gonna Do? (Part 16 - FINAL)

Prompt: Imagine that you’re Spencer Reid’s wife, and you get the news of his arrest in Mexico. But you’ve been keeping something from him and the team. How will it affect Spencer?

Word Count: 1163

Warnings: Language, violence, anger, drama, angst

Notes: This picks up right at the beginning of Season 12, episode 13. Spoilers from here till then. Thanks to my beta @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​

Tags: @ultrarebelheart @cocosierra94 @marvel-imagines-yes-please @demongodess @brooklhyn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waking, you were in the hospital. Spencer was right next to you as you woke up.

 “Hey,” he said gently.

 “Hi.”

 “Look, Y/N,” he started but you glared at him.

“You wish it were yours? You wish she was your wife? Really? Are you fucking kidding me?” you asked, enraged. Your memories were quickly coming back.

 “Y/N, it’s not true. You know that.”

 “Do I? These last three months have been a god damn nightmare, Spencer. And do you know why?”

 “Because I went to Mexico?”

 “Because you lost faith...You lost faith that your mom would be okay, you lost faith in me, the justice system, all of it. And I had to pick up the slack, all of it. All by myself.”

 “I know, and I am so sorry you had to deal with that.” He leaned forward and held your hand but it didn’t feel right. “I’m going to do everything I can to make it up to you.”

 “How can you possibly make any of this up?” you asked.

 He pursed his lips. “First off, none of that was true. And me impregnating Cat wasn’t real. So, tell me what’s left. Please? I know I was horrible while I was in prison. But...Maybe we can move forward.”

 “How?” you asked desperately. “How can we possibly move past all of this? You danced with her, you let her wear the watch I gave her, you played her game a little too well...” You huffed a sigh as you stared at him.

 He thought for a moment. “Before I left for Mexico, did you love me?”

 “Don’t be stupid,” you said angrily, crossing your arms.

 “Y/N,” he chastised, wanting you to just answer the question.

 You sighed. “Of course I did.”

 “And after, what changed?”

 “You were in jail.”

 “But why?”

 “For getting your mom drugs to help her.”

 “And what was I charged with?”

 “Nadie Ramos murder? Spence, what does this have to do with anything?”

 “My point is, the only thing that changed was false accusations towards me. Now, that day you saw me in Mexico, that very first day, you were hysterical and the angriest I’d ever seen you.”

 “And? I was pissed for what they were doing to you. You didn’t deserve it. I knew you were being framed.”

 “Exactly. And now, is anything different?”

 Reluctantly, you admitted, “Nothing.”

 “Precisely. The only thing that’s changed is your perspective on me. Please don’t let what Cat and Lindsey did to you and me destroy us, otherwise they win.”

 You nodded. “You’re right. I love you.”

 “Thank you.” He leaned up and kissed you.

 “How is the baby?” you asked suddenly, your hand on your stomach. It just dawned on you that he’d never touched the small baby bump. This was the first time he had a chance to.

 “Well, we don’t know,” he admitted. We’re waiting on the doctor.”

 “Oh,” you said, worried instantly. “So we don’t know if it’s okay?”

 Spence frowned and shook his head. “But I’m sure everything is fine,” he assured.

 “You didn’t see me for three months. I barely ate, I barely slept, I didn’t eat healthy. I wasn’t exactly good on this baby…” Your hand ran on your stomach, terrified that you’d lost it. What if your behavior caused you to lose your first child? You’d never forgive yourself.

 Just then, a doctor entered the room.

 “Oh, look who’s awake! Hello Dr. Reid, I’m Dr. Thomas.”

 “Hello, Dr. Thomas,” you greeted as you shook his hand. “Is my baby okay?”

 “Well that’s what I came into tell you. It isn’t perfectly fine. It looks like it’s been malnourished and it’s a little behind in its growth.”

 “But...it’s okay?” you asked again.

 “We’re going to keep you for a while and give you a feeding tube and constant IV fluids to get the little one’s growth back to where we’d like it. We’re also going to inject some prenatal vitamins daily, as you didn’t seem to have any in your blood stream.”

 “And after all that, it’ll all be okay?”

 “Yes. I think within a week, you’ll be okay to return home. You’re very lucky.”

 “Thank you, doctor,” you said quietly as he left and turned to Spence. “I’m so sorry, Spence,” you said, tears spilling over. What had you done to your baby?

 “Hey, shh, no you’re fine!” Spence got up and kissed your forehead. “You’ll be fine. The baby will be fine.”

 “But...you heard him, they’re malnourished. I’m going to be an awful mother. I already am.” You started sobbing.

 “No, you were thrown into an awful situation,” Spence tried.

 “I bet Cat’s baby is healthy,” you remarked, pissed off.

 “Cat has nothing to do but sit in a cell all day. She doesn’t have someone she loves in jail.”

 You smiled at him sorrowfully. “You’re not mad?”

 “No! I could never be mad at you, my love.” He leaned up and kissed you.

 After a few hours, Spence gave the greenlight to let everyone into your room. Everyone poured in at once. Garcia and JJ both had flowers and balloons. Rossi had liquor for Spencer and a spa gift card for you to use when you got out. Emily brought in some food. Walker and Luke brought in teddy bears.

 “How's the baby?” “Are you alright?” “How are you feeling?” “Have you thought of a name?”

 Questions were hurled at you as you and Spence laughed.

 ------------------

A year seemed to escape you and Spence. After one week in the hospital, you were released to go home. The FBI gave you medical leave for the stress put on you and your baby and Spence, so you got some much needed alone time. You re-hired a new live in nurse for Diana and she was doing better. Once the medical leave was up though, you weren’t sure you wanted to return. You loved the FBI. You loved your job. But now, with the little one almost here, your life was about her. After what happened to Spence, you realized your child didn’t need two parents with scary jobs. You decided to quit the FBI and go into therapy full time, of course, that was after one year off with the baby.

 Aurora Rose was born at a healthy 8 lbs and 2 oz. The team had given you a proper baby shower while you were first on medical leave from the FBI, getting more than you needed from the team.

 As for you and Spence, you were better than ever. Aurora Rose was just two months old but he took off paternity leave for a few weeks and the time home with you and the baby was amazing. It was just what the doctor ordered.

However, you did have a score to settle. Shortly after Aurora Rose was born, you made a visit to the women’s correctional facility.

“Hello, Cat,” you greeted as you sat down. Somehow, your anger was entirely in check. You didn’t want to bash her face in the metal table…too much.

“Dr. Reid,” she responded with a blank face. “What do I owe the pleasure? Wondering why I’m still in your husband’s head? Does he say my name when you make love and you wanna know why?” She leaned forward and you just smiled at her.

“No, Cat, my husband doesn’t give you a second thought. I know that must eat you up inside. Knowing that you lost twice to him. Knowing that you don’t occupy a thought in his head. Knowing that he won.”

“You know, this is bold. I got to him twice before, I could do it again.”

“Well, that might be true. It would be quite hard to find a guard or another inmate willing to help you, but on the off chance that could happen, you won’t get that far.”

“Why is that?” she wondered.

“Because, I have a daughter now, and after the hell you put my family through, I won’t let you do that again.”

“And just how would you stop me?”

“Well, first off, if you were even successful, if you did win another game, it would be two for three for us, and even if you won, it would still devour you inside out that you lost twice in the first place.”

She just stared at you, a glint of anger flashing in your eyes and you swallowed it as if it were air to you.

“Secondly, you were able to do your dirty work outside the prison, what makes you think I can’t do the same from the outside?”

“Hah, you couldn’t do that, you’re a fed. No one would help you.”

“I’m not any more,” you answered with a bit of a grin.

“Doesn’t matter, you couldn’t kill anyone.”

“Oh, I can’t? I think you’re mistaking me for my husband. See, he’s always morally upstanding, and I love him for that. Me? Not so much. If I have the chance to put a bullet between someone’s eyes, someone's psychopathic, twisted mind like yours, I wouldn’t hesitate.”

“You couldn’t kill me. You might think you could but you can’t.”

“Are you absolutely positive about that?” you wondered with a daring look. “Are you absolutely sure I haven’t paid one of the workers to slip something extra in your food? Are you sure I haven’t promised freedom to one of the inmates if they beat you until you bleed from your eyes? Are you sure I haven’t pushed for your freedom, just so I can come to you when you least expect it and kill you with my own hands?”

“You don’t have it in you.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, dear. You hurt people because it’s fun to you, it’s a game. And people who play games always tire of them, at some point, eventually. Me? I’ll hurt someone because I fucking need to,” you said with a dark tone. “If I even think that you’re going to come after my husband, me, or god forbid, my child, you won’t live to see the light of day. Just know, I can get to you inside or outside of these four walls. You’ll live the rest of your days wondering when it will happen...when your last day will be.”

She smirked as you stood up.

“I was wrong, you know,” she suddenly said, as you back was turned. “You’re more like me than I could ever imagine, I thought it was Spencey, but I was wrong.”

You turned and smiled at her. “Why do you think he loves me? We’re so much alike, you and I. It’s no wonder he played your game and worked with you, was okay seducing you...It was like he was working me.”

The look on her face was satisfaction enough.

------------

Life was good. You had your mother in law, your newborn baby, with bittersweet feelings you left a stressful job to help people in a few months, and your husband was supportive, patient, and perfect. Whenever issues arose though, you often found yourself still asking, “What are we gonna do?”

 But Spence always answered, “What we do best, face it together.”

[chickenfetus]

ALL!!!! (also the gemini sqUAD LOL)

im gonna enjoy a nice cup of water while doing this bc idk a tea (update i didnt drink water at all and now im dying of thirst,, also undercut bc many)

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?

i dont wake up early enough to see the sunrise and when i do i never manage to take pics bc of school so peachy sunsets

2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?

idk what a sugar cone is but i like waffle cones!!! havent eaten ice cream with a cone in forever though,, i rarely eat ice cream now

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

listen…. its about 33 degrees everyday but even if im in a colder country i dont wear scarves

4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?

this depends?? on how motivated im feeling lmao never more than 10 minutes though because if i lay awake for that long ill just fall back asleep

5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?

i dont think so?? im bad at trying new things especially food

6: What does your umbrella look like?

i dont.. go outside often and whenever i do i take public transport so basically everythings sheltered so i never had a need for umbrellas

7: Do you listen to ASMR?

ive only listened to one everybody please listen to this gift

8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?

both, preferably when im indoors

9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?

hm??????????? my tags lmao 

UPDATE: i also really like reading other people’s tags and their rambles that is all

10: Favorite color aesthetic?

does the word aesthetic make this question any different from a normal favourite colour question???? if it doesnt then sky blue 

11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?

in this house we draw lines with no ruler like men (but also because even if i did use a ruler it wouldnt be like… straight idk i cant use rulers

12:  Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?

neutral cozy living room but i also love basking in sunlight 

13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?

im not a big fan of heavy smelling products so i dont own any candles

14: Have you ever rode a horse?

i dont think so??????? ive seen horses before though

15: Do you have glasses?

without my glasses i wouldnt be able to read these questions lmao and . .. theyre also a result of watching pokemon too closely to the tv at a young age… its been like 10 years since i got glasses

16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?

japanese i tried speaking it but i got 2 embarrassed to say anything properly while i was in japan (i cant even speak english properly to a friend whyd i think i could speak another language to a stranger beats me) 

17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?

my singaporean no season ass: ? but autumn and november (is this cutting it too close to winter? idk my seasons)

18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

hm not really i just wear blue ankle socks a lot but my friend did give me a pair of pokemon and gudetama socks before and i adore those although i lost the gudetama ones in the uk last year she got me another pair whatd i do to deserve her?

19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie

m .. um? big. hero 6?????? 

20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?

my dumb ass didnt know they were different

21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?

i rarely go and watch movies anymore but when i did watch a lot of movies with my friend at the theater we’d get afternoon shows and sneak mcdonalds in lmao

22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?

how about band? day6 i only ever play pokemon + sif + bandori so i cant say much and i rarely watch movies and a show? if its an anime id say the one i mentioned before in my one text post 

23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?

not really rip 

24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?

HM mmmmmm there was this one but i forgot the name lmao pass

25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)

when im the … audience? what do u call it???? i like seeing all kinda of art styles!!! everyone has their own unique art style and i love it all :o

for ME,, , ive been doing art for 6 years maybe and i still cant do shit

26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers?

i would die straight up die thats such a soft concept i cant imagine myself receiving flowers thats 2 sweet oh my god wtf id combust??? i prefer leaves though is that weird i picked some nice leaves recently and im gonna give those to my friends

27: Do you like nicknames?

giving and having nicknames is my favorite past time

28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?

pokemon lmao thank u 4 not ending it…. the animation has only improved and im so proud to have been watching it since the start pokemon is my special thing i love it so much!! an interest that never died down, with an anime that stays super like idk to my preference? i tried watching the new digimon stuff but i just couldnt :^( im glad they made ash stay the main character 

29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)

never forget dat boi

30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?)

we dont celebrate halloween and i would never cosplay, big shoutout to cosplayers though!!! they put in so much effort and just, respect!!!!! 

i dont know if this is an actual memory because i dont remember well but when i was younger i thiNK? i had to dress up as a swan thing i have no clue i dont even remember the performance but i might have had to ?? and dance??? or act i dont remember everythings fuzzy but i dressed up a swan once? in kindergarten ????? 

31:  Are you a fashionable person?

i have the worst fashion sense and even though jeans are nice once again the weather here doesnt allow me to be as fashionable as i can be

32: Do you like watching holiday movies?

not realyyy??? the jack frost (rip) movie was ncie????

33:  Cookies or brownies?

i live 4 chocolate chip cookies but too much is . . not preferable

34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

no i hate breathing in & out from my mouth

35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?

WELL from the great cockroach ordeal last night id probably die bc we live in an apartment building so the only way id be hearing crickets would be if they were in the ROOM 

36: Do you like cobblestone streets?

my only knowledge of cobblestone is from minecraft so idk

37:  How often do you doodle?

when school was still relevant i would doodle as soon as i picked up a pencil lmao i try not to anymore bc i doodled on my math assignment and forgot to fucking erase it and my math teacher called me out

38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?

a year ago?? i dont remember but i do remember when i was younger id try and blow bubbles at the void deck do yall kno what that is its just a space near the lift lobby anyway i swallowed the soap thing idk u know how ur supposed to blow? well i sucked the soap in yum

39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?

in my room its the bed and in the house its the water bottle that contains water

40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?

i………………………… i dont actualy kno how to clip my nails and my mum would kill me if i tried but i dont bite my nails either

41: Any birthmarks?

not that i know of

42: Thoughts on freckles?

ive never actually seen someone with freckles in public before but theyre good stuff i gueess?? i dont actually have an opinion on them? everyone says theyre cute and all but im just ??? not that i hate freckles tho if u have freckles? thats cool! 

43: First video game you ever played?

pokemon pearl?? either that or megaman on my ps3 OR the bomb square guy????? idk the game name but.. ya

44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?

i dont know what the bird species are but theyre small black birds not crows idk

45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?

memes yes gifs no bc im not lame like jen

46: Thoughts on spring?

no comment?? i mean? its nice??????? i guess ??? if we had a spring

47: Ideal temperature outside?

oh boy 20 degrees would be enough for me but its never gotten that low before sunny island’s life

48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?

i like clear skies when its bright! but not too sunny and not too warm!!!!! clouds are nice to look at too though

49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?

yeah we live near an airport i dont think anybody uses????

50: Do you enjoy windy days?

windy days are my SHIT back in school our basketball court was open spaced and whenevr wind blew we could feel it man thats the life right there but i hate windy days when im sitting at home bc it flows the curtains rigth into my face i like the feel of the wind and the smell of fresh air but… curtains in my face? not 2 great so rip i close all the windows lmao

okay thank u so much 4 asking falen i love you and wow this was a lot