#give me a copay or something

[burinazar]

ohh I am worried my new meds (yes the ones that give me a funny eyebrow twitch. that mostly stopped now) actually are sort of working. “worried” bc my insurance doesn’t really cover them and the ones I’ve been taking are my psych handing me a full months’ worth of free samples

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: For Profit Healthcare and Me

So remember how Peacehealth drove all the independent offices in four specialties out of business, thus forcing everyone to use their clinic, then closed those clinics to force everyone to go to their central clinic two counties to the south? And remember how both the Doctors who were running that clinic made a deal to operate out of a clinic a regional medical conglomerate was opening near the hospital? so instead of me spending all day on a sixty mile each way trek for my treatment I was using the last three months of skeleton crew treatment at old clinic which ended the last Thursday in September? Remember how they said we could all follow our doctors there?

Yeah, about that.

I've been dutifully calling ever two weeks to see if they were letting people schedule appointments yet. They sent out a letter saying they were open. I stayed up Tuesday to get in sorted. it was a whole drama because the automated maze to get to the scheduler was as much of a hassle as Peacehealth's and prone to dropping calls, forcing one to start from scratch each time. so that was frustrating and tine consuming.

Apparently they have no access to our health records, so it was a start from scratch situation. Me, mentally: Shit! This is going to be HOURS. Only it wasn't for all the wrong reasons. They take Medicare, but not Medicare Advantage. So if I want it covered I have to lose most of my benefits including having Medicaid pay my big Medicare copay. O.o. Or I can pay for expensive treatments myself as uninsured.

I was upset, but I remembered superstar medical social worker lady personally calling around town to talk dentists into taking medicare dental coverage for me thus opening up my small city so that medicare patients can now get root canals and crowns instead of learning to live without chewing.

So I still thought it was salvageable. Problem is she's gone and the woman replacing her is a busy supervisor who likes to call me two hours into my sleep cycle without warning and then gets angry at me for not being charming. Previous lady asked when was best to call and would schedule calls in advance for a time when I was able to be awake and functional. it is a lot easier for me to be charming when I wasn't just ripped out of REM sleep and am now being interrogated about something.

New lady is a supervisor and super busy with supervisor things and is made of no and is snippy. I can not make her understand that not only is a 120 mile round trip over mountain passes dealing with the traffic mess along the highway in the major metropolitan area where I once got caught in a four hour traffic jam and couldn't get off to pee, is an entire exhausting day for me and that plus a treatment would not only mean i could do anything useful that day, but the next day to. She can't grasp how much pain is involved in long car trips or how much treatments take out of me. She keeps hard selling me on this and then calling me resistant and recalcitrant like I'm the one being unreasonable for considering this basically insurmountable at my level of disability.

She did not fight the in town clinic for me. She did not try to argue them around.

Her, repeating a suggestion she has made over and over since the closing announcement: You should just get your GP to do it.

Me, explaining for at least the third time because we have this conversation every time we talk: I asked my GP last spring like you asked. They can't do it. It can't be administered by a GP. They'd need to hire a specialist and build new facilities for compounding and for special storage of medication.

Her: Well just ask you GP to give you a different treatment.

Me: There are no other treatments. I have medications to manage symptoms. These treatments are the cure. There is only one cure.

Her: You are being recalcitrant!

Me: There is literally only one cure. No new ones have been invented since last February. The cure is working. I'm getting better. i will get worse again with only symptom management.

But she kept arguing with me because I was being stubborn about facts being facts. My GP can't pull an entire brand new treatment regimen out of her ass. She would not let it go or let me go and I was exhausted because it was hours past when I would normally be asleep at this point and also what was the point of her hard selling me on demanding the imaginary alternative treatment or the 120 mile trip. I ended up giving and and saying something like, "I have to go now," which I know is rude, but we spent this entire conversation with her neither listing not understanding and basically acting like I was the asshole here.

So I'm fucked and I'm frustrated and angry. I was literally at the point where I was going to get better really quickly if I kept doing treatments, but if we stop now I'll be back to square one with it all to do again if another clinic opens.

And it's all like this because Obama and Biden didn't have the balls to stick to their universal free healthy care guns and decided to adopt the capitalist give away Republican health plan in pursuit of bipartisan buy in they did not get, which anyone paying attention told them they could not get, which Mitch McConnell vowed they'd never get as part of the project to make Obama a one term president at all costs. They burned all their political capital on a bullshit give away to insurance companies when they could have taken the same or less of a hit just giving up a developed country level health care system. No fucked up website needed for sign ups. No red tape or copays or catch 22 shit like I'm dealing with now.

[allthingsfangirl101]

Poorly Timed Confessions–Steve Harrington

I woke up, my whole body aching. I groaned as I tried to stretch my neck.

"Y/N? Are you awake?"

I looked over my shoulder, my breath getting stuck in my throat. "Steve?" I gasped. "Where. . . Where are we?"

"We're still under the mall," he sighed. "Those freaks grabbed you."

"You tried to stop them," I mumbled. "But they took you too."

"I couldn't let you get hurt."

I leaned my head against his, smiling when he leaned his head back against mine.

"How are we going to get out of here?" I asked, under my breath.

"We'll figure it out," Steve instantly reassured. "I promise, Y/N. We're gonna get out of here. I won't let them hurt you."

We both jumped when the door opened.

"You're awake," a guy in uniform said.

"What do you want?" Steve demanded.

"We want your employer," he said it like it was obvious.

"Our employer?" I asked. "But we. . . We work at an ice cream shop."

I gasped, cringing in pain when he fake-charged me. Steve instantly yelled at him to stop. The smirk on the Russian's face made my stomach drop. Steve just showed a weakness; me.

"Come in, Doctor!" He called out.

"Doctor?" Steve scoffed. "I don't think my insurance covers the copay."

Just then a creepy doctor walked in. Steve and I sent each other awkward over-the-shoulder looks before starting to laugh.

"I should tell you," I said as the doctor walked past me to the table, "I don't like doctors."

"Ohhh," Steve laughed as the guy took something out of his bag. "Fancy."

"Shiny!" I gasped dramatically when he unrolled the piece of leather. We slowly realized the seriousness as the doctor filled a syringe.

"What is that?" I asked, under my breath.

"Hey," Steve warned as the doctor walked towards me. "Don't. . ."

His warning turned into a yell when the doctor walked over to me. The doctor grabbed my neck and cut off my scream as he pushed the needle into my neck.

"What are you doing?!" Steve yelled. "What did you give her?!"

I let out a painful gasp as the doctor slowly pulled the needle out.

"If you hurt her," Steve started to threaten.

"No!" I yelled when the doctor grabbed another syringe and moved toward Steve. "Don't! Please don't hurt him!"

My heart bungee jumped into my stomach when Steve let out a pained yell. I held my breath as the doctor pulled his needle out of Steve's neck.

"Steve," I said his name shakily.

"I'm okay," he said, out of breath.

"What did you give us?" I demanded.

"Something that will help you tell the truth," the Russian soldier laughed.

"What the hell does that mean?" Steve scoffed.

"You gave us truth serum?" I taunted. "That's some crazy shit!"

Steve and I started laughing as they left. When the door slammed shut behind them, reality hit us. I bit my lip to stop the fear-filled tears threatening to spill. Neither one of us said anything for a while. Finally, Steve broke the silence.

"Y/N?" He whispered. "Are you okay?"

"I think so," I said shakily. "I still can't believe we were kidnapped by crazy Russians while dressed in our stupid sailor uniforms. Not to mention the fact that the Russians gave us that fake truth-telling serum shit."

"Do you think it worked?" Steve asked.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Ask me something that I wouldn't answer if I was sober."

"What did you really think of Nancy?" Steve didn't hesitate to ask.

"The question you've been dying to ask me ever since you started dating her," I laughed. "But I've said it before and I'll say it again; Nancy is a great girl. I adore her. . . But even I could tell that she was going to break your heart."

"Really?" He stuttered.

"Of course," I shrugged. "You've always wanted to settle down in Hawkins and have a big family. You've always wanted to be the kind of dad you didn't have. You should be with someone who loves that idea. Nancy doesn't want to settle down. She wants to go off to New York or LA or some other big city and get a career."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Steve asked under his breath.

"Because you were happy," I sighed. "I didn't want to ruin that for you. Even though it killed me to see you happy with someone else."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know that."

There was silence between us and my head started to throb. I looked over my shoulder to see Steve glancing at me.

"You okay?" I asked.

"I have to tell you something before the guy comes back," Steve mumbled.

"Okay," I whispered. "What did you have to tell me?"

We jumped when the door was roughly thrown open. I subconsciously leaned back against Steve as several Russian guards walked in.

"Are you ready to talk?" Their leader said in a thick accent.

"We have nothing to say," I scoffed. I gasped when he backhanded me.

"Don't touch her!" Steve yelled as he fought against his restraints.

"Who do you work for?" The guy demanded. "And don't bother lying to me."

"No one," I sighed. "We're just kids who work at an ice cream parlor in the mall."

"I told you not to lie to me, malyshka [little girl]," he threatened.

"Hey!" Steve yelled right as the guy took a step toward me. "Leave her alone! I'll tell you what you want to know but only if you leave her alone."

"Steve," I gasped. "Please don't do this."

"I have to," he whispered, glancing at me over his shoulder. "If I don't, they'll hurt you, Y/N. And I can't let that happen."

"But Steve. . ."

"It's going to be okay."

I screamed as two guards undid his restraints and started to drag him out of the room. I fought against the restraints, letting out a smile when I noticed that they were coming undone. I continued to work the restraints. My heart jumped into my throat, a sob close behind it when I heard it.

Steve's scream echoed down the hallway. I wanted to yell and cry and kill those men as I heard him in pain.

"Stop!" I yelled. "Please. Stop hurting him!"

Every time his screaming stopped and I started to relax, it started up again. I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I knew I would never be able to forget the sound of my best friend in so much agony.

As my anger built, I used it to free myself. I let out a sigh of relief as my restraints finally broke off. I leaned down and undid the ones around my ankles.

I jumped when the lock clicked. I grabbed the scalpel the idiots left in the room and prepared myself. My heart jumped into my throat when I saw the guards carrying Steve. I gasped when they threw him into the room.

"Steve!" I gasped as I dropped the scalpel and ran to him. I collapsed to my knees next to him. I rolled him over, my hands shaking.

"Are you okay?"

I gasped when he jumped up and wrapped his arms around me. I slowly wrapped my arms around him.

"They were gonna hurt you," he whispered.

"So instead you let them hurt you," I mumbled. "Steve. . ."

My heart clenched when he took a shaky breath. I tightened my arms around him and reached up, running my fingers through his hair which I knew calmed him.

"We'll let you think about your answers," the head guard chuckled, "now that you've seen what we can do."

Steve jumped when they slammed the door. "It's okay," I whispered. "We're safe. And we are going to find a way out of here."

"Y/N," he sighed.

"I promise," I said, pulling out of our hug.

I gasped when Steve leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. It took me a second before I slowly started to kiss him back. As our lips moved in sync, I reached up and gently held his face in my hands.

"I was going to tell you that I love you," Steve whispered, breaking the kiss.

"You were?" I stuttered. It was kind of hard to breathe as I wrapped my head around his confession.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "I love you, Y/N."

"I love the idea of settling down in Hawkins and starting a big family. But only if it's with you."

"Then we're perfect for each other," he smirked. "You said so yourself."

I made him gasp by pressing my lips quickly to his. I felt him smile before he started kissing me back. I broke the kiss, both of us breathing heavily.

"I love you too, Steve."

[pascalitaaa]

Happy Birthday --- EP. 1

Black reader in mind

CW: the chapters are not going to be the entire episode, i just though it sounded cool, soft Joel, profanity, angst, gore ( TLOU type shit ), nice and happy in the beginning, then just fucking depressing, i cried while writing this, eventual NSFW

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

“Mhmmmph,” you groaned, squirming in your boyfriend’s arms. 

Mindlessly, you patted your nightstand behind you, knocking over your earrings and a water bottle before remembering the alarm clock was on Joel’s side.

Fuck.

“Hon, the alarm,” you hummed, sleepily snuggling deeper into his chest.

He groaned, slamming his fist on the alarm and shutting it up, probably adding to the various dents the poor clock already had.

Without even opening his eyes, he threaded his arm back around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer, a lazy smile playing on your lips.

“Good mornin’, baby. Happy birthday,” you yawned, placing a slow flurry of kisses on his jaw.

“Thank you,” Joel responded in a groggy rumble, him leaning down a little to grant you better access.

You take the opportunity to try and steal a kiss while he wass still sleepy, but an aggressive bang on the door snaps you out of it, and sobers up Joel instantly.

“(y/n)! We gotta make breakfast!” Sarah called from the other side, the sound of her running down the steps following soon after.

You follow through with the kiss anyway, cupping his cheek in your hand as you lean forward, him resting his hands on your waist to keep you sturdy.

“Shoot. It should be my birthday more often,” he cracked a smile, giving your hips a little squeeze.

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” you smirked, giving his ear a quick nip as you pulled away.

“After we’re done watchin’ movies with Sarah, I’m gettin’ Tommy to take her out and drive her around for a little bit. We’ll have the house all to ourselves.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me, woman,” he smiled, giving you another kiss.

You were Joel’s wife of four years. Four wonderful and love-filled years.

And it all started in a doctor’s office.

You were a nurse and he had come into the clinic with a very bad and very large splinter in his hand.

A bit of flirting and a copay later, and the rest is history.

“Hopefully not. You still gotta get your present,” you cheesed, crawling off of him and standing up, giddily.

“Present? I told you not to get me nothin’,” Joel sighed, sitting up at the edge of the bed.

He made you promise, actually.

“I know, I know. But I remembered you talkin’ about how much you needed new work boots and saw them in the window and it just...happened,” you explained, pulling the brand new construction boots out from under the bed, holding them out for him to take.

He did, and examined them with a guilty look on his face. 

“Baby, these must’ve cost a fortune. I’ll...I’ll pay you back once I get this job done an--.” “Joel Miller, you will do no such thing,” you quickly and curtly dismissed, poking your finger into his chest.

“This is your birthday gift and you will accept it whether you want to or not. You work too hard not to get something nice every once and a while.”

The man in front of you stood up from the bed, stepping forward and giving you a feather-light kiss on he forehead.

“Yes, ma’am,” he smiled.

...

“Hey, (y/n)? Where’s the pancake mix?” Sarah asked, staring at the empty spot in the cabinet where the pancake mix usually stood.

“I think Joel was ‘sposed to get it,” you answer, finishing up on the eggs. “Don’t worry about it. We can make him pancakes another time.”

She sighed, walking over to the pan with the bacon on it and turning off the burner. 

“Then I think that’s everything,” she sighed.

“Perfect. Let’s start plating it up,” you smile, making Joel’s plate.

Sarah chuckled, taking a plate out the cabinet. “You make it sound like we’re a restaurant.”

“Shoot. Might as well be with how much we cook for these knuckleheads,” you joked, plopping some eggs and a few strips of bacon on a plate for Tommy.

“Who’s the knucklehead?” Joel asked as he came clomping down the steps, striding into the kitchen.

He threw an arm around your waist and pulled you close, placing a quick kiss on your cheek.

“No one, hon. Happy birthday,” you smiled, turning and giving him a fat kiss on the lips.

“We were gonna make you birthday pancakes but we don’t have any pancake mix,” Sarah chimed, smoothly taking her plate and plopping herself down at the table.

“Shit. I was ‘sposed to--. I’ll get some on the way back,” he sighed, grabbing a the coffee pot and pouring himself a mug.

“Ah, ah. Nope,” you dismissed, taking the mug out his hand and exchanging it for a glass of orange juice. 

“Vitamin C. You need it if you’re gonna be working outside all day.”

Joel sighed, giving you a tired look before taking a swig of the juice.

You smiled and turned back to the stove, making your own plate now.

“You get your homework done?” Joel asked Sarah, discreetly switching the juice for coffee.

Sarah looked up from her plate with a deadpan.

“Fractions?”

She broke her serious face with a laugh, making the faintest trace of a smile draw at the corner of Joel’s lips.

“Go sit down and eat before you’re food gets cold,” you smiled, playfully shoving your husband towards his seat, one hand holding your plate.

The both of you walked over to the table and plopped down, Joel already starting to inhale his food.

“So, how old are you now?” Sarah asked, taking a sip of her juice.

“Thirty-six,” he answers.

“Gonna have to wear diapers soon,” she joked.

“Who says I don’t already?” 

He paused his eating when he felt a crunch in his mouth, and pulled out a good sized piece of eggshell.

“Shell,” he cocked a brow, turning to Sarah.

She always beats the eggs, so it had to be her doing.

“Calcium,” you came to her defense, pushing the egg through your teeth with a smile.

Just then, Tommy came sauntering through the door.

“Hey!” he walked over to Joel and gave him a rough pat on the back. “You’re still alive, you old fucker.”

“Aw. He loves you,” Sarah teased.

“He’s dependent on me. Not the same,” Joel corrected.

“Sounds the same.”

“It’s definitely the same,” Tommy chimed from the kitchen, looking through the cabinets.

“You’re plate’s in the microwave, Tommy,” you chirped, taking a bite of your bacon.

“I thought we were having pancakes,” he frowned.

“We’ll pick you something up on the road. Concrete guys gonna be there?” Joel asked.

“Yeah, they said maybe,” he shrugged, stuffing his face with egg.

“Maybe? We can’t frame until we pour. We’re not getting paid until we frame,” Joel furrowed his brow, his Joel Line, as you so lovingly call it, creasing between his eyebrows.

“Well, we could bring someone else on and get the job done faster,” Tommy suggested.

“No, no. I’m not splittin’ this job. I barely wanna split it with you,” Joel dismissed, scooping up the last bit of his eggs. “We could do a double.”

“Literally? Today?” Sarah sighed, defeated.

“I know. I’d be done by nine. By nine, right?” he assured, turning to Tommy.

“...Yeah,” his brother, unconvincingly, nodded.

“I’ll bring back a cake. I promise,” Joel added.

“I got a half day today so we can hang out ‘til they get back. I think I got enough cash so we can order takeout. Chinese?” you chimed as you stood up, taking yours and Joel’s now empty plates.

“Totally!” Her eyes lit up.

Joel turned to you, concerned.

“Hon, you don’t gotta do that. I know you still got some debt you gotta pay of with your school and I don’t want you to--.” You cut off him with a quick peck on the lips. 

“Relax. My debt can wait a day,” you smiled, walking over to place your dishes in the sink.

“...continued disturbances in Jakarta, but are advising U.S citizens--.” “Jakarta. Where is that? Middle East?” Joel interrupted the radio.

“Doesn’t ring a bell. It’s definitely a country. Or maybe part of Asia,” Tommy shrugged.

“Jakarta isn’t a country. Being part of Asia isn’t mutually exclusive with being a country, and in fact, it’s the capital of Indonesia,” Sarah corrected. 

All the adults looked at each other, pleasantly surprised.

“Hope for us yet,” you winked at her, finishing washing the dishes.

“All right,” Joel sighed, checking the time on his phone. “Finish up quick and we’ll drop you off.”

“I’m still eating my eggshells,” Sarah chimed.

“You got seven minutes,” he stayed firm, standing up and walking his empty coffee mug to the sink.

That’s when you noticed.

“Hon, your shirt’s inside out,” you snickered, tugging at the tag that was sticking out.

He looked down at himself and realized the same thing, his arms deflating in annoyance.

“Shit,” he hissed, walking towards the bathroom.

Tommy chuckled, turning to you and Sarah. “He’s losin’ it.”

“Alright, I gotta get my scrubs on for work,” you sighed, checking the time on your watch as you walked over to Sarah. 

“I’ll see you after school, alright?”

“Mhmm,” she nodded, mouth muffled with eggs.

“And here,” you added, discreetly handing her twenty dollars.

“Use that to get your dad something nice, alright? Don’t go too far and be careful.”

“I will,” she nodded, tucking the cash in her pocket.

"And don’t tell no one I gave you that,” you smiled, placing a quick peck on her cheek before running over to the stairs, nearly tripping trying to get up them.

...

“Jesus,” you sighed as you walked back into the house, plopping your purse on the coffee table.

Today had been beyond odd at the clinic.

Nearly every patient had come in with complaints about uncontrollable spasms. You asked each one what they had to eat in the last 48 hours, and every single one of them had at least one food that was flour based.

Even some of the doctors were being affected. 

A good friend of yours got into a huge altercation with one of the patients, her rage seemingly coming out of nowhere.

Maybe there’s ‘sposed to be a recall for something.

But you knew that wasn’t right. You had never seen anything like this before. 

Hell, when you left work, later than you were supposed to because of the sudden surge, there were still people pouring in with the same story.

You could feel it in your gut, like a heavy, sinking pit, that something was terribly wrong.

“Hey, (y/n),” Sarah smiled from the couch, closing her book.

“Hey, kiddo. Sorry I’m late. The clinic had to hold me back for a couple of patients,” you cheesed, walking over and giving her forehead a kiss.

You would have to save the thoughts for later.

“How was school?”

“Odd. There were a bunch of kids that kept twitching. And everyone was just kinda......out of it. Even some of the teachers,” she answered truthfully, placing her book down on the table.

“Yeah,” you nodded, peaking out the window curtain to see three fighter jets fly over the house.

“The same with me, too.”

Shit. That can’t be good.

The sound of the news in the background was making you even more anxious, so you quickly grabbed the remote and muted it.

Sarah turned to you with a surprised look, startled.

“Sorry. Guess I’m a little on edge. The stuff at the clinic’s got me jumpy,” you apologized, plopping down on the couch. 

“D’ya know where your dad is?” 

And almost on que, Joel walked through the door, him being home safe bringing a smile to your face.

Well....that and the thud of new construction boots being put to work.

“You locked the door for once. Good job,” he commended, tossing his keys into the bowl on the coffee table.

“Yeah,” Sarah looked down, deflated as she turned off the TV.

Joel plopped himself down between the two of you, laying his head back as he covered his eyes with a sigh.

“It’s 10,” Sarah reminded.

“I know. They gave us the wrong size for the headers,” he apologetically groaned.

Uncovering his eyes, he turned to both of you to see that you two of you were completely lost.

“That doesn’t mean anything to ya. I’m sorry.”

“Where’s the cake?” she added, Joel slumping at the mention of the word. 

“Shit,” he hissed.

“C’mon, man,” Sarah groaned.

“I’ll get you a cake tomorrow,” he assured, leaning down to take off his boots.

“Swear, or you don’t get your present,” she smirked, making Joel’s head perk up.

“You got me a present?”

“Swear.”

“On my life.”

With the promise, Sarah smiled, pulling out a silver box from under one of the couch pillows.

“Wow,” Joel approved as she handed it to him, giving it a quick once over before opening.

Inside was Joel’s watch, but it was ticking.

It had been broken for as long as you’ve known him.

“I got it fixed,” she said proudly.

“Did you?” Joel teased, holding it up to his ear.

“What? I could’ve sworn he--.” The second she heard the tick, she pushed him away, the man bursting into laughter.

“That was lame. You’re lame.”

“I know,” he smiled, fastening it around his wrist. “Where’d you get the money for this?”

“Drugs. I sell hardcore drugs,” she shrugged.

“’S better than what I do,” he scoffed.

“It was only $20, which (y/n) gave to me.”

“Sarah!” you whisper-yelled, dropping your face in your hands.

“Oops. My bad,” she went wide eyed, covering her mouth. 

Joel cocked his head over to you with a glare, like a parent scolding their child.

“Now before you get mad, technically she was the one who got the gift,” you smiled, putting your hands up in surrender.

“With the cash you gave her. I oughta take your wallet away right now,” he waved off.

“Never heard of someone taking a wallet to keep another fro spending money,” you playfully scoffed.

“Well you’re ‘bout to hear it today,” he smiled, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you into his lap, pretend patting you down.

“Jesus, Joel! That tickles!” you laughed, hating that your boyfriend knew all of your tickle spots.

“Wait, wait, wait! Before you guys get all lovey, I have one more present,” Sarah cheesed, digging behind the pillow again.

Joel turned to you, his scolding face back on.

“Don’t look at me,” you surrendered.

You didn’t know anything about this second present, and you didn’t give her any more cash than what you already did. 

Out from behind the cushion, she pulled a DVD of the movie Curtis and Viper 2.

“Aw, shit,” you groaned, slumping back into Joel’s chest.

“Oh, shit! This is the one with the deleted scenes,” he beamed, snatching the case from her to give it a good look.

Joel has made you watch that movie countless times, with deleted scenes and without. You knew the entire script like the back of your hand.

“C’mon. Pop it in while it’s still your birthday,” Sarah rushed, Joel standing up to put the movie in the DVD player.

“Sarah, I am gonna haunt you for this for the rest of your days,” you playfully glared, chucking a pillow at the girl.

“So dramatic,” Joel teased, plopping back down on the couch.

“You love it,” you smirked, giving him a kiss as you nuzzled into his chest.

“It’s starting,” Sarah shushed, the movie intro music playing.

Joel turned to you with a devilish smirk, leaning down so his mouth was right outside your ear.

“Don’t forget what you told me this morning,” he whispered huskily, making a tinge of blush appear on your cheeks and a shiver run down your spine.

“How could I forget?” you whispered back.

“Shhhhhh!” Sarah roughly hushed

...

“Fuckin’ idiot,” Joel hissed under his breath, hanging up his phone.

You and Sarah had fallen asleep on him while watching the movie, but now he seemed upset.

“Hmmm? Whasa matter?” you groggily asked, lifting your head from his chest as you rubbed the sleep out your eye.

“I gotta bail Tommy out again,” he sighed, carefully moving Sarah’s head off his leg, as not to wake her.

“You’re kidding,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Wish I was,” he grumbled, standing up and putting his boots on. 

“I’ll be right back. You think you can watch Sarah for me ‘til I do?”

“Of course,” you waved off, sitting up the right way against the couch.

Your mind suddenly transported you back to earlier today, with the crazed doctors, the spasming patients, the fighter jets. 

Shit.

“Just be careful for me. Please. Somethin’ hasn’t been right with today.”

Joel turned to you, his angry face softening.

“Of course, darlin’,” he assured, leaning down to give you a quick forehead kiss.

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

You nodded, begrudgingly, and he grabbed his keys, quickly walking out the door and locking it behind.

Looking down, you noticed Sarah had curled into you in her sleep, her head resting on your lap now.

And you decided to do the same thing.

Maybe some shut-eye’ll get me right.

...

You were awoken, yet again, by a loud boom, and the sound of Mercy, the neighbor’s dog, barking.

Your head shot up quick as a whistle, and you could feel Sarah starting to stir as well.

What the fuck was that?!

The sound of a helicopter zoomed overhead, and another explosion boomed in the distance, both shaking the house violently.

“What was that?!” Sarah fearfully asked, quickly sitting up.

“I don’t know,” you answered, standing up from the couch. 

This couldn’t be good.

Explosions means bombs. And bombs mean shrapnel. And shrapnel in your kind of house means death.

We gotta get out of here now.

“Honey, you put on your shoes, okay? Your Converses,” you quickly ordered, speed walking over to the front door to throw on your Doc Martens.

They were the closest thing you had to combat boots.

“(y/n), where’s dad? What’s happening?” She panicked, following you to the shoe rack and starting to put on her purple Converses.

“You dad went to go bail your uncle out of jail,” you answered, looking down at your watch.

2:20

“They should’ve been back by now. But we gotta worry ‘bout ourselves for the time being, okay?”

She quickly nodded, and you grabbed your steel baseball bat from under the couch, gripping it tight as another helicopter whirred overhead.

Suddenly, Mercy banged on the sliding glass door, making Sarah scream.

You quickly turned, bat at the ready, only to see him simply scratching to get inside.

Sarah turned to the door, opening it and walking outside, much to your dismay.

“Sarah!” you exclaimed, running after her.

When you got out with her, a military grade helicopter flew overhead, it’s propellers almost deafening

“We gotta take Mercy back to the Adlers,” Sarah stated, the dog nuzzling between her legs.

You groaned, quickly weighing the options in your head.

The quicker we get the dog back, the quicker we get out of here.

“Fuck. Alright. We take him to the door, that’s it,” you rushed, pushing her by her back as she grabbed Mercy’s collar.

You only managed to make it two steps away from the door when the dog refused to get any closer.

“C’mon, boy. Go inside. It’s not safe out here,” Sarah pleaded, trying to pull the dog along.

But he whimpered and clawed at the ground, managing to wriggle his way out his collar and run off somewhere.

That’s when you noticed the noise.

It wasn’t a groaning or a moaning sound, but something hoarse. 

And pained.

And non-human.

You looked inside the doorway, only to see the silhouette of Nana Adler standing deep inside the house.

Standing.

“OH, SHIT!”

Just then, Joel’s truck pulled up on the curb, Joel and Tommy jumping out the car.

“YOU TWO, GET IN THE TRUCK! RIGHT NOW!” he shouted, panicked as he grabbed Sarah’s arm, a large monkey wrench in his other hand.

That’s when Nana Adler loudly hissed, running out the house like a bat out of hell.

Heading straight for you.

“What do we do Joel?!” Tommy demanded, aiming his sniper rifle.

Everything began to slow down, and no matter how much you wanted to, you couldn’t move a muscle.

You were frozen in fear, and the same thoughts kept running through your mind over and over.

Why was this happening? How was this happening? What in the actual fuck did that old woman turn into? 

Without hesitation, Joel hit Nana upside the head with his wrench, killing her with a sickening crack.

You watched, completely shocked, as your husband stood over the dead woman, bloody wrench in hand.

This couldn’t be happening.

“Tommy, get her in the car now!” he ordered, pointing to Sarah, who stood there glassy eyed, just as, if not more, shocked.

Tommy nodded and rushed his niece into the car, the poor girl still too traumatized to speak.

“(y/n), we have got to go now!” Joel hurried running over to you and cupping your face in his hands.

“Joel, what’s happening?” you asked, tearfully, your voice hoarse and broken.

“I don’t know, baby, but it’s not just the Adlers. You’ve gotta stay strong for me. We’re gonna get you and our girl out of this,” he pleaded, giving you a couple frantic kisses on the head.

Suddenly, the lampposts began to explode, and you could hear Sarah’s scream of fright from the car.

This was no time to negotiate.

You nodded and quickly wiped your nose, turning around and running straight for the car.

Practically diving into the backseat.

“Joel! (y/n)! What’s going on?” Denise, your neighbor from across the street asked, walking outside with a flashlight. 

She was a good friend, and you went over to her house often to chat.

“Denise, you get back inside the house! You lock your doors! Now!” Joel shouted.

“C’mon, c’mon, get in!” Tommy rushed, Joel quickly plopping himself in the passenger.

He slammed the door shut and Tommy took off, turning in the roundabout only to be met with Danny and Connie Adler running straight for the car.

“Put your seat belts on,” Tommy ordered as he rammed through the two, rolling over Connie with a disgusting thud.

“Jesus Christ, Joel!” Denise screamed.

You and Sarah turned around, watching Denise run to her aid before Danny jumped and attacked her.

“Denise!” you screamed, hand on the glass and tears in your eyes.

She had three kids. And a husband, too. 

All of which are inside her house, waiting to face the same fate.

“You take 70--.” “71, I know,” Joel and Tommy conversated in the front, trying to find the best way to get out of dodge.

“Daddy--.” “We don’t know,” Joel answered, already knowing what she was going to ask.

“They’re saying it’s a virus. Some kind of parasite,” Tommy chimed.

“There is no parasite or virus known to man that can do shit like that,” you dismissed, holding onto Sarah tightly, the girl doing the same thing.

“Is it from terrorists?” she asked.

“We don’t--.” Joel stopped himself, not wanting to sound angry at his daughter. 

He was just scared shitless.

He has to protect his family from some shit he doesn’t even know.

“We don’t know.”

“Are we sick?” she asked.

“Of course not,” Joel assured.

“Then why did things blow up?”

“No cellphone, no radio. Minute ago, newsman wouldn’t shut up,” Tommy hissed, clicking every radio station.

“How do you know?” Sarah chimed.

“What?”

“How do you know we’re not sick?”

“They’re saying it’s mostly people in the city. That’s why they got the highway blocked off,” Tommy answered, making the turn and driving past a house that was completely on fire.

“God. It’s Jimmy’s place.”

“The Adlers would take Nana into the city. To the hospital for stuff,” Sarah stated, looking down at the ground. 

“That’s right. They would. That’s probably why,” Joel agreed.

Up ahead, a man, a woman, and a baby, were stuck on the side of the road, trying to flag you down.

And Tommy started to slow.

“What’re you doing?” Joel turned to Tommy, eyebrows furrowed.

“They got a kid, Joel,” Tommy sighed.

“So do we. Keep driving,” he spat, Tommy begrudgingly picking up speed.

“We could put them in the back,” Sarah sadly suggested, watching out the window as they drove past, the man screaming for help.

“We don’t know if they’re infected or not, honey,” you sniffled, quickly wiping your nose.

This was going against your oath and everything you ever stood for.

But all that good samaritan shit went out the window the moment your family was put in danger. 

“Someone else’ll come along,” Joel assured.

You guys turned into the side entrance of the highway, only to see it bumper to bumper for as far as you could see.

“Shit! Everyone had the same fuckin’ idea,” Tommy hissed.

“Take the field. Cut across and pick up on the west side,” you said quickly.

“Across the field, got it,” Tommy nodded. “Hold on tight.”

He made a screeching turn, driving you four into the marshy field and cutting past the traffic.

And everything looked sweet for a moment, until the army could be spotted up ahead, blocking the other highway.

“Shit. It’s the fuckin’ army.”

“Isn’t that good?” Sarah asked.

“Good for them. They’re where we’re tryin’ to go,” you sighed.

“Just keep goin’. Head north,” Joel dismissed.

“Could be a lotta people,” Tommy winced.

“We can’t go south, we can’t go east, we can’t go west. Hell else are we ‘sposed ta go?” Joel asked sarcastically.

Just as they were talking out their escape route, an extremely low flying plane passed overhead, the sound of the engine practically making your ears bleed.

You quickly covered Sarah’s ears, not wanting her hearing to be affected, and Tommy drove you all into town, only to be cut off by the cops and forced down an alleyway.

People were screaming bloody murder, and running in all directions, frantically. 

“Alright, keep goin’, keep goin’. We can--SHIT, TOMMY!” Joel shouted, a car on your left nearly T-boning you.

You quickly pulled Sarah into you to brace the impact, but Tommy sped up just in time, turning onto Main Street.

People were fighting, running, being eaten, all right before your eyes.

“Don’t look, honey,” you held Sarah’s head, pulling her into your chest to shield her eyes. 

Suddenly, a horde of sick people burst from the movie theater, everyone screaming and running for their lives.

“TOMMY GO BACK!” you and Joel shouted.

Tommy threw the truck in reverse and began driving back the way you came, trying to avoid the sick in the middle of the road. 

You turned around to look out the window, only to see a plane heading straight for the ground.

“Joel!” you exclaimed, eyes going wide.

“Holy shit! Move! MOVE!” Joel shouted. 

“JOEL!” you screamed, clutching Sarah as tight as you could as the plane collided with the ground, causing a massive explosion and tipping over the truck.

...

You opened your eyes to an unspeakable pain in your left shoulder, turning to see the an incredibly large shard of glass lodged in it, your blood staining your blue scrubs red.

“AGGGGH!” you painfully groaned, desperately breathing yourself through it.

You turned to your right, only to see Sarah laying down on the ground, eyes wide and hyperventilating.

“Sarah, honey. I need you to stay calm and don’t move, okay?” you asked her calmly, using your good arm to rub her leg.

She turned her head to a man right outside the broken window, devouring a dead body.

“Don’t look, honey, okay? Look at me,” you smiled, continuing to rub her leg.

“(y/n). Shit. Baby, your shoulder,” Joel crawled over, about to help you.

“Joel Miller, don’t you dare help me. Get Sarah. Her ankle’s broken,” you ordered, noticing the bone bulging as you were rubbing her leg.

He nodded and grabbed her out first, you following behind by crawling, cutting your hands and arms on glass, metal, and everything in between.

By the time you stood up, your arms looked like tomatoes. 

And not in a good way.

You grabbed the glass in your shoulder, cutting your hand even more as you pulled it out, muffling your scream of pain on your lip.

“(y/n)! Shit! Are you alright?” Joel looked at you painfully.

“I’ll be fine,” you gulped, tearing off the flare of your pant leg and making a makeshift bandage for your shoulder.

“We gotta get off the street!” Tommy shouted from the other side of the car.

Suddenly, a cop car rammed into the truck, separating the three of you and Tommy.

“Tommy! Tommy! TOMMY!” Joel called for his brother, finding a break in the fire to see him on the other side.

“Head to the river! I’ll find a way! Get them outta here!” he answered back.

Joel nodded, fixing his grip on Sarah. “You keep your eyes on me, ya hear? Don’t look no where else.”

She nodded, and he turned to you. “Baby, stay close, okay?”

You nodded, too.

And with that, the three of you ran like hell down the alley.

Only to be met with a bunch of writhing sick people on the ground.

That is, until one perked up its head, its eyes trained on you three.

“Fuck,” you cursed under your breath.

Joel quickly turned around and you followed, the both of you running towards the door to a building.

He kicked it down and you sprinted through it, coming out the back room and into the dining area, where the sick man tried to jump on you, but missed and crashed into a cart.

Joel kicked open the front door, too, which led to the beach. But the sick man was still close behind. 

He was just a hair away from you went the sound of a gunshot rang through the air, bringing the growls and snarls to a stop.

You quickly turned around, looked down to see the sick man on the ground, dead as a doorknob.

Headshot.

You grabbed onto Joel’s shirt for dear life, shaking in fear.

You nearly died for the third time tonight.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re safe,” Joel panted.

“Don’t move!” a random soldier shouted, the light of his gun flashing in your eyes.

“My daughter’s hurt. Her ankle. My wife, too,” Joel stated, taking a small step forward.

“Stop right there!” the soldier shouted, holding his gun at the ready.

“Okay,” he nodded, freeing up one of his hands to push you behind him.

“Easy now. We’re not sick!”

The soldier lowered his weapon, grabbing the comm on his shoulder and holding it down. “I got three civilians by the river, two of ‘em injured.”

He paused for a moment.

“One’s an ankle and one looks to be a shoulder.”

“What about Uncle Tommy?” Sarah asked, breathless.

“We’re gonna get you somewhere safe first. Then we’ll go back for him, okay?” Joel assured.

“I’m sorry, repeat,” the soldier asked.

The silence was loud, and your heart beat faster than it already was when he raised his gun again.

“Yes, sir.” ... “Yes, sir.” 

“We’re not sick,” Joel said helplessly, confused.

The soldier got closer, and you gripped onto Joel tighter.

“Sir, we are not--!” The gunshots went off, and you and Sarah screamed as the three of you rolled down the grassy hill.

You cut your head on a rock you rolled over, and fell right on top of your shoulder.

“ARRGGGH!” you screamed in pain, shaking as you held your shoulder.

You vision was becoming blurry, and you could feel the hot sting of blood rolling down the side of your head.

But the sound of Sarah’s whimpers of pain cut through clearly.

SARAH!

You sat up quickly, sending a wave of pain through your head, and turned to see the girl not too far away from you.

You crawled over to her, the sound of the gunshot in the background being no never mind to you as you realized Sarah had been shot in the stomach.

“Oh, God! Sarah!” you wailed, tears beginning to pour as you saw her frightened state.

She was clutching her stomach for dear life, and hyperventilating like crazy.

“It’s okay, baby! Everything’s gonna be okay!” You cried, placing your hands on her wound to keep pressure, her freaking out and clutching onto you.

“Mommy!” she gasped in pure agony, her nails digging into your arm.

“I know, baby, I’m so sorry!” you hiccuped. “Oh, God, Joel!”

“No, no. No,” Joel repeated to himself frantically as he crawled over, kneeling down next to his bleeding daughter.

“Okay, you’re okay. Everything’s alright, baby,” he tried to say as calmly as he could, trying to pick her up.

But she practically screamed and tried to push his arms away.

“I know, baby. I know. But I gotta get you up, okay? I gotta get you up,” Joel kept repeated, hooking his arms under her again and carefully easing her up, much to her dismay.

Her breathing was becoming more erratic, and her attempts to stop him weaker and weaker.

“Honey, it’s gonna be okay! We’re gonna get you help. We’re gonna get you help,” you tried to assure her, tucking a tuft of her hair behind her ear.

“Tommy, help me!” Joel shouted, turning to his brother.

But Tommy didn’t move an inch, tears in his eyes.

“Joel,” he said sadly, barely below a whisper.

“C’mon, babygirl, I gotta get you up,” Joel repeated, trying to pick her up again.

But you realized she was limp.

She stopped struggling. She stopped breathing.

She just...stopped.

“No. No, no, no. SARAH!” you screamed, stroking her hair again to try and see if that would get her back.

But it didn’t.

She was gone.

You sobbed, falling into Joel’s shoulder as he rocked her back and forth, tears streaming down his cheeks.

You loved Sarah like a daughter, and considered her as such, too.

The love you had grown for her was something that held a large space in your heart.

And now she was gone.

Your partner in crime.

Your confidant.

Your best friend.

Your daughter.

Gone.

...

[defilerwyrm]

hi! I've come asking questions about transition (as a trans boy) more specifically, you mentioned that you've used both testosterone cream and injections.

Do you mean the cream/gel kind of HRT that is used once daily? If so, I was wondering whether you noticed any difference in the uptake or changes in the rate of your transition compared to injections. Did changes happen at the same rate as injections or a bit slower, since I've heard there can be problems of the skin not absorbing T as well as injections. Do you have any personal experiences of this?

Also if it's not too personal, which kind of HRT are you on now (injection/cream) and why did you choose to stick with it, if that was your own choice? (ik there can be insurance/supply issues that might affect it)

Howdy! So: this was a ride.

My first provider (not naming names, but she’s a doctor who works in downtown Austin) gave me two choices: find time to take a 1- to 1.5-hour round trip downtown, pay the $20 copay, and have a nurse give me an injection every single week; or use a daily cream from a compounding pharmacy that delivered. For reasons of time and money, I went with the cream.

I was on it for a year; I don’t remember my dosage exactly, but it was something like two clicks of a finicky dispenser. I was on it for a solid year and the only change that occurred was I got a couple more annoying, embarrassing PCOS hairs on my throat. Absolutely nothing else. Meanwhile, every 3 months or so I’d express my frustration with this to my doctor, and she’d just tell me to be patient. Or, you know, come in and pay the copay every week instead.

Now any number of things could have been going on here. She could have had me on a comically-low dose (I really have zero memory of what it was). My biochemistry could have overpowered or resisted it. The compounding pharmacy could have been bullshit. Who knows.

By comparison, right around three months on testosterone cypionate injections, my voice broke and I started sprouting facial and body hair in spades.

Between what my second HR provider (the one who got me onto cypionate) and other trans men I’ve heard from have said, the gel version is a much slower ramp-up usually because you’re adding T to your system in small, daily doses, and the cream version seems to be pretty uncommon; both of them are better if you really want to ease into the changes instead of just getting the whole second puberty thing over with, or if you’ve already been through testosterone-dominant puberty and just need to maintain your levels.

Since July 2017 I’ve been on a weekly 0.4 mL injection of 500 mg/mL testosterone cypionate. It was pretty challenging at first with my phobia of hypodermic syringes, but I’ve inured myself to it over time. My habitual injection site has also acclimated to it so that there’s literally no pain at all if I get myself in just the right spot, so that’s pretty great; and using the bathroom mirror instead of looking directly at myself has proven a great little trick to hoodwink my brain about what’s going on, thus reducing my anxiety about it a great deal.

I’ve stuck with it because it gets results, it’s a lot less messy and aggravating than a topical treatment, getting the right dosage is MUCH easier, it’s become a little ritual of sorts, and I only have to remember it ONCE a week instead of seven times. It’s also lessened my anxiety when I have to get blood drawn or have IVs in (though I still really fuckin’ hate IV lines). YMMV, but for me, it’s been a great experience overall.

We’re not gonna talk about the thinning hair, though. -_- One more crappy thing I inherited from my dad’s side, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s activated by testosterone….

[hiisheart]

( okay. SO. i have my next doctor's appointment next friday where hopefully i'll give my decision about starting T, and everything is adding up nicely for me to give them my very enthusiastic yes!! thankfully i won't be getting a prescription right away - i say thankfully because it costs money and the appointment is via telehealth so they won't be able to show me how to do the shot anyway!! i'll likely have copays for both the prescription itself and the doctors' appointments i have to make for them to refill my prescription.

so why am i posting this here? because i'm probably gonna need some financial support going forward so i can cover the copays for my prescription and doctors visits, and hopefully, eventually, as soon as the changes really start to take effect, documentation changes as well (but that's probably not gonna be for a while given the gradual change course i've already chosen!). so, given that information, and where you guys may come in, i'm probably gonna have to open up commissions!

it won't be too serious of a payment, probably like $5 per graphic/set of small graphics i make per person. again, i'm still thinking through every little detail for my likely inevitable upcoming commission info post, so that should come soon, but for now, this post really just serves to let you guys know what i have ahead of me and what i'm planning to have open here. so, with that being said, if you guys and/or someone you know is searching for graphics, feel free to send them my way and i'd be happy to discuss something with you/them!!

again, for those of y'all who have ever supported me, financially or otherwise, y'all are great and i love y'all a lot. i just know that this is a step that i have to take for my happiness and sanity going forward and any support that you have for me will be so, so beneficial moving forward. additionally, i think that for my own mental health i have to rely less on my parents for support, especially given where we are financially, and do what i can and control what i can without having to worry about what they'll say about it. i think the best way to do this is to try to be as financially independent as possible via the found family and support network i'm building when it comes to covering my hormones and any other transition-related steps i take. and, in case you guys aren't aware, i consider you all and everyone who supports me in any way a version of a found family member, at the very least.

so that's where you guys come in. and again, i'll say this: if you and/or anyone you know are looking for graphics, point them in my direction and i'll be so, so happy to work something out with you/them. it will be so, so helpful to me. thank you <3 )

[thedragonflycluster]

I don't know what tags to put for this but if anyone(&) feels comfortable sparing a couple $ for us we'd really appreciate it. As I start to transition from here into an apartment and looking for work, I want to have a little cushion money for any appointment copays/maybe buying a cane if pt doesn't get me one, emergency transport if the bus falls short on me, or just to be able to buy ourselves a hot meal every now and then. I'm trying to save my stamps but I spend them more often than I'd like because this place serves small amounts of poor quality food. It's often rotten or undercooked. The only places I can walk to that have food are gas stations so my options are limited. I am hungry a lot of the time but I make do with the stamps I do have and eat here when it's as edible as it comes.

If you give over 5$ I will doodle you something on my phone as an extra thank you. I do have commissions open but they aren't my priority at the moment and may have a delay.

Please consider sharing. Just interacting with my post means a lot, thank you(&).☘️

C4sh4pp; $OdynCy

[simonalkenmayer]

Hi Simon,

Since you know some about genetics, I thought I'd ask. Someone I know had a genetics test done and many anomalies were found. In a portion of the results, the lab stated they had never seen a certain genetic variant in their lab. Is that possibly a bad thing?

Thank you

Not a bad thing. I’d have the results double checked. The truth is the more we test the more our ability to characterize “anomies” gets better. Most serious phenotypic anomalies aren’t the result of one gene, but several. Meaning that mutation? Could actually be the result of several genes doing something that works together to disable. Some pathologies take only one mutation in a key place.

We learn more all the time.

Get the results rechecked at a different lab and then reach out to a geneticist. Local universities. Ask for their office hours and ask what they think.

This can be done with any subject really. Medical education without a copay.

If the mutations are truly rare, it could be very helpful to someone’s research, but you’d have to find the researcher who can make use of it.

If you want to give me more info I can extend a feeler to my contacts in that field and see if they think it’s neat.

[madsworld15]

word find tag!

my words are: metal, grip, flex, cold, count

I have one active WIP, so I pulled from the unpublished Part 3. I was able to find cold in it 2x and count 1x.

word: cold (theres beauty when its bleak, part 3 Britin fic)

Brian didn’t respond; instead, he paced the courtyard a bit more before he stubbed his cigarette out and returned to the cold, stiff hospital hallway. Fuck he hated hospitals. He had done everything possible to stay out of them his whole life, only failing a couple of times. Michael had been right. He should eat something. It wouldn’t do anyone any good if he ended up here alongside the kid.

word: cold (theres beauty when its bleak, part 3 Britin fic)

“Could be that your insulin expired, overheated, or got too cold. Add to that the stress of someone you care about being in the hospital. Either way, your body didn’t get the dose it needed to maintain levels after you ate. You really should get admitted so we can give you a dose of insulin.” “What? And charge me an arm and a leg because my insurance has a 50% Emergency Visit copay? No thanks. I will just go home and dose myself with a new vial.” Brian tried to stand up defiantly, but his vision swam, and he had to sit back down once more.

word: count (theres beauty when its bleak, part 3 Britin fic)

But he also can’t walk away. Ever since Justin came waltzing into his life, full of bravado and confidence, Brian had wanted to be around him. He would never outwardly admit that, just like he could never soberly admit he enjoyed that Michael clings to him so desperately. Ever since Brian was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes as a kid and his father slapped him around for costing him money he didn’t have while his mother sat there quietly telling him it was God’s plan and that the man was testing them all, he had known he couldn’t rely on anyone but himself. Then he met Michael Novotny and his mother, and Brian realized that maybe sometimes he could count on someone to love him and worry about him without the added level of blame or guilt.

Not sure if these folks have done this but hey! no pressure: @winderlylandchime @thotpuppy @cozyrosykay and any other writer who wants to participate.

your words are: strange, chilly, better, jump, laugh

[dragonquill]

The last few weeks, y'all

My mother keeps saying it's been a "tough karma weekend" and I just want to shake her and ask her does the understand that implies I deserve it??? Does she think I am a horrible person??

Anyway

Last May, I felt like I had a really nasty uti (called a "bladder infection" colloquially where I live). I went to the doc, given antibiotics of the general kind, and was tested for an actual UTI. Never got results. Called, never got an answer, etc.

Continue to be sick through June and July. With the return to work looming, I went to my regular doc in mid-July. I was given antibiotics and a test to see if there was a UTI.

The techs on the test accidentally tore the name label, making the final "e" of my last name disappear, so the test could not be run.

Doctor is making noise about cancer being more important to check for than running another infection check, and I'm referred to a specialist. He talks cancer (I'm cool, this is fine, this is fine, I mean, someone at my workplace was literally fired for missing too many days due to cancer without enough "evidence" last year, but I'm SURE IT WILL BE FINE) , then orders a CT scan and finds a HUGE KIDNEY STONE in my right kidney.

16 mm, if you are a kidney stone aficionado like myself. A stone must be under 5 mm to have a chance of passing on its own.

Now first, I have had about a dozen stones over the last 20 years, but this one was in the kidney, so it didn't hurt like a stone. It was just screwing stuff up in there, thus making the painful and sick UTI symptoms.

Secondly, this should have been dealt with back in March but whatEVS.

I put off the surgery for a few weeks because we're back to work and being out in the beginning of the year is a nightmare.

August 28, I have the procedure to break up the stone and a stent put in.

August 29, I know that something is Not Right because I am in constant, throbbing pain.

August 30, I call the doc and am, of course, completely dismissed about the whole pain issue. "That's normal" the nurse says before basically hanging up on me.

Sept. 7, 9:15 am. The stent is removed at the doctor's office. The relief is incalculable because that thing hurt like a MOTHER every second of every day.

By 1:00 I know that something is, once again, Very Wrong, because THIS time I have the HELLA OW back pain that is a kidney stone in the ol' tubes AND feel like I am (TMI) still peeing boiling acid as I have since Aug. 29. And for a special bonus, there is vomiting. (There's no fever. I haven't run a fever in two decades. My body just Does Not Care to Try That Hard.)

Call doc, leave message. Call doc at 1, leave message. Call doc at 3, leave message. Decide fine, I will drive my deeply pained and probably shouldn't be driving ass 40 minutes to the hospital ER. (An ambulance ride would be 100s of dollars, even with my pretty good health insurance, and I've already spent several hundred on this situation in copays.)

Sitting in the ER with 1/4 of the city's population, the doc's office finally calls back around 4 pm and says, "With those symptoms, you need to go immediately to the AR."

SURPRISE BENCH I'M ALREADY HERE.

Wait in the ER and have a test now and again from ~4pm to 10:30 pm. (The hospital did make sure I paid my $150 ER copay even though they had done nothing for two hours at the time. Priorities.) Make nice with the nurses, trying to figure out why I have been given zero pain meds when I have been officially referred my by doctor for a kidney stone related issue. Find out about 9 they will not give me pain meds without a urinalysis.

My dudes, my laydees, my folks who have no time for the gender binary, I had no liquid left in my poor, dehydrated, screaming body. ALSO the drink machine in the ER is closed and I am there alone, so I can't send someone to brave the streets in search of some gosh darned water. THERE IS NO WATER TO DRINK EXCEPT THE BATHROOM TAP AND NOT A SINGLE CUP AVAILABLE TO THE ILL MASSES.

A kind nurse finally gets me a cup of ice water, which I gulp down because dammIT I am in pain. Finally, peeage happens around 10:00.

It takes more than an hour to run the test and find out, wow, I have a raging infection. By this time I have had an abdominal sonogram and a CT scan, so they KNOW I have a giant obstruction! WHY DID I NEED AN INFECTION TO GET PAINKILLERS.

So I'm sitting there, crying silently in pain because you know. And the skin on my face is RIDICULOUS and literally is BURNED BY MY TEARS so I look an especial mess and no one is checking on me but I am clearly making the other pathetic ER patrons uncomfortable. Finally, the nurse I had been very politely asking for updates throughout the night comes up and asks, "Are you ready to get out of here?" and moves me, bless her, to a weird little side room with a powerful "This used to be a closet vibe." I get painkillers a little before midnight. I have been in full kidney stone pain for 11 hours.

The nurses tell me the CT scan show a 1.6 centimeter stone in my tubage. I think, "Wait, that's hardly smaller than it was," before my American brain goes back to middle school math class and says, "WAIT THAT IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS 16 MM WHAT THE H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS?!"

At 1:30 AM I am moved to the room and told my doc will see me in the morning.

Doc arrives ~8 am. I have had nothing to drink since midnight, so I am hoping we get this show on the road. He tries to claim the original procedure "worked" because the stone is broken up it just, you know, all JAMMED ITSELF BACK INTO A BALL as soon as the stent was out and built a little campsite complete with RAGING FIRE so we are gonna have to have another procedure under full anesthesia to pull it out and put in another stent.

I was too tired to strangle him, so I am not in jail.

I am finally taken back for surgical prep and to sign my life away around 4. I sit around for hours and finally go back to surgery ~ 7 pm.

Friends, acquaintances, and mortal enemies, I was so fricking thirsty.

ANYWAY I'm back to my room, feeling grumpy because my version of getting high from "the good stuff" is becoming Oscar the Grouch Minus Trashcan. I never get to feel all floaty and nice. Because life is a bench.

By the next morning, it is absolutely clear to me that something was VERY WRONG with the previous stent because THIS one is mildly uncomfortable, and not HELLO KNIVES TO THE GUT by my doc is just still trying to claim the first surgery was a success even though it FAILED SO BADLY I HAD A SECOND SURGERY (complete with copay). But whatever, your girl is tired, I wanna go home.

I am driven home because one can't drive on The Good Stuff. I'm home about 2 pm on Saturday afternoon, and zonk out in front of the television. Hallelujah.

Friend gives me a ride to the ER parking lot on Sunday to get my car. This means I haven't taken pain pills, but I'm not feeling the need since there is, apparently, nothing wrong with this fnjdksbhkbgiywebubWOEING stent unlike the first one. We pull up, I hop out and turn the key in my lovely little toy car.

AND IT DOES NOT START.

IT HAS DIED JUST SITTING IN THE ER PARKING LOT.

WHAT THE HELL ROSALEE??? I THOUGHT WE LOVED EACH OTHER!! I KNOW I KEEP TOO MUCH JUNK IN THE BACKSEAT BUT THIS???

Now, I do not have my cellphone because I somehow didn't plug it in last night and it was dead this morning. I am blaming the grouchy morphine. My jumper cables are, I realize, hanging in my garage, and my friend doesn't have any. We take her car to go buy jumper cables. Return to the ER parking lot, where we have become an entertaining show for the security personnel stuck out by the front entrance, drinking coffee and most likely taking bets on jumping the toy battery inside my toy car, which is stupidly difficult to get hooked up to the cables.

While I am waging war, a lovely mechanic walks by (female presenting person by open car hood looking pitiful generally leads to this in my area, and I appreciate it) and finally! Rosalee is running!

My friend insists on following me back to the auto place Just in Case only she leaves her phone in my car somehow and I have NO phone and we completely misunderstand what was supposed to happen and lose each other to driving the 2 miles between ER and Auto Zone several times trying to figure out where the heckadoodle the other person IS.

Every time you go through the ER parking lot, it costs $2 to get out. Just. As a bonus.

BUT FINALLY we met up at the AutoZone, and of course my Toy Battery is only available in one premium style (because toy cars are a pain in the klodney; my toy car also comes with impossible-to-find TOY TIRES, I kid you not, do not trust online reviews and research when you are a vehicle luddite). But that's okay! It's fine! The wonderful, knowledgeable tech installs it, my friend and I part ways with only minimal frustrated crying, she has her phone, I have my car, and I DRIVE HOME TO MY HOUSE AND GO TO BED FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.

Except I have to get everything ready for work tomorrow, so.....I'm awake again.

And my mother keeps insisting it's a "bad karma experience" and I'm just

DO YOU THINK I AM A SERIAL KILLER OR SOMETHING I LITERALLY DO NOT SQUASH SPIDERS.

Anyway, have a nice week, everyone, I am going back to bed until 6 in the ack emma.

Bai.

[bitchesgetriches]

Advice for the medical bills anon:

First off, I'm so sorry that you're still wondering about a bill from nine months ago! The very thought gives me heartburn! My biller (yes, billing is so complicated that there are people whose entire job is to help doctors figure out how to bill, but I digress) would be tapdancing on my desk, begging me to put the %$#! codes in if I were that far behind. If you have not asked to speak to the manager, this would be a very legit reason to do so. Furthermore, if the care from that clinic is not otherwise totally stellar, this might be a reason to get healthcare somewhere else. If you are a self-pay patient, there is something called the No Surprises Act that entitles you to a "good-faith estimate" (I honestly don't know what that means, I'm a doctor, not a lawyer) for the cost of a visit if you make your appointment at least three days in advance. This should be presented to you before the appointment. Keep the estimate, if there is a difference between the estimate and the bill greater than a certain amount (I want to say $400? That's what CMS is telling me?), you may be able to dispute it. Do not be afraid to ask for this estimate if you are self-pay - you are entitled to it by law! If you are insured, then the Bitches have already given you excellent advice - look on the back of your insurance card and it should give you a quick run-down of what you can be charged in terms of a copay. The office does not always know what this amount is until they get your insurance info, but once they have it, they will ask for the copay up front, usually before you are roomed. I also recommend calling your insurance beforehand. As I said, the office itself genuinely doesn't know much about how much you will have to pay unless they have your current insurance info. Frankly, your insurance is often a good place to start. Finally, please use your appointment time with your doctor to discuss your health concerns and not your bill, especially if your doctor is employed and does not run their own practice. Most employed doctors, myself included, have very little control over the final bill that gets to the patient; often this is something sussed out between the admin folks in our office and your insurance company, so telling us in detail about your concerns with the bill will just take away from the time we get to spend on you. If you feel you are not being listened to and must bring it up with your doctor, I recommend saying something like, "Doc, I am having some concerns about my bill and I'm not getting anywhere. Who can I talk to about this?" In my small country office I will cheerfully walk you down the hall once your appointment is over and personally introduce you to the folks who take care of money (who are very emphatically not me), and also give you the card to our financial assistance lady, but that's about as helpful as I can be.

Thank you for being a proactive and responsible patient! I hope this gives you some insight!

Thanks a bajillion to the newly appointed Surgeon General of Bitch Nation, @wheresonichedgehogwnt! This is super valuable info for anyone struggling with a medical billing question.

[gimme10dollas]

after almost a month on escitalopram (lexapro), i’m switching lol. nothing was wrong with the lexapro, but the original nurse who prescribed it was too expensive. i tried like several different providers today and everyone was either also too expensive or couldn’t refill my prescription.

one doctor said it would be $400 something with insurance and $200 something without. the second nurse told me she couldn’t do anything for me after i had already paid a $39 copay. then i had to contact a bunch of people for a refund 🙄

finally i was able to book a virtual appointment through my old PCP’s clinic for $30 but she could only refill my prescription for the lexapro so i’d have to go to a psychiatrist for something for the ADHD. she did, however, give me the option to switch to effexor (which has the main side effect of headaches which is a big ass no for me) or wellbutrin which can not only treat my anxiety and depression but also my ADHD and possibly weight loss. so i’m tapering off my lexapro through this week and beginning the wellbutrin tonight. hopefully any side effects are minimal.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Your talk about your eyes and not being covered kind of made me want to talk about something

I have Colorado medicaid. You know what we have covered? Dental (cause they realized it was cheaper to give dental than pay for complications) and eye exams (no glasses, but better than nothing)

People act like, and I wish I was joking, the idea with socialized medicine is to hold doctors at gunpoint (I figured we could just... pay them, but you do you rightwingers)

It's actually just really good insurance. I get into places as fast or faster than when I had actual insurance in the past (despite all the places that don't take medicaid, which might change if everyone had it). I've gotten way more care since I don't have copays. I pretty much never have had anything denied... it's like normal shitty insurance, but a bit better

Also here's a great bonus story, my mom's on disability. Had medicaid before she was able to get on disability even. Well she gets old enough to qualify for medicare. She's forced to pay like $125 a month for the privilege of worse insurance

By that I mean medicaid covered her thyroid medication. She gets medicare, they don't want to cover that med despite it being an old one and one she doesn't have a bad reaction to. Well medicaid won't cover it now cause she has other insurance. She literally pays a fee to be forced to pay out of pocket for a med that was previously covered (and as far as I know basically can't drop it now that she has it without messing things up with medicaid)

So... yeah. Just... just every time I mention like going to the dentist and having people say lucky, and me realizing oh shit I am lucky, and my luck being that I was broke enough to qualify... what the fuck?

Really really wish everyone just had at least as good as Colorado medicaid, even fucking bezos so we're not worrying about enforcement nonsense

Really wish we had universal healthcare cause... basically I just have kickass insurance, and it sucks hearing that you, someone working, are less well covered than I am

(And private insurance could still exist, it just might be forced to... you know... actually provide a benefit at a reasonable price to give people a reason to not just go with their medicaid)

Honestly the way we handle health care in this country is a goddamn nightmare, and we literally already know and have known for years that it kills people.

I will say that often even good medicaids are uhhhhhhhh not so good on the provider side. They "cover" a lot of claims that don't actually get paid, ya know? I work in healthcare, and have generally been a big fan of the medicaid in my catchment area because it actually seems to be pretty comperable to how you describe CO's. That said, as a provider, I would say a solid half of any "non-urgent" claims get denied, and at least one of the medicaid providers has denied every single claim the practice has submitted to them even though they keep telling us we're in network with them and following their instructions.

So. I do sort of get why it can seem (depending on which side of the insurance you're on) like holding providers at gunpoint. On the patient end you've got people receiving reasonably quality/comprehensive care with no fee at the point of service, which is phenomenal! On the provider side though, it often looks like losing literally thousands of dollars a month on denied claims for necessary services with little to no recourse.

We do it anyway of course, because the practice I work for is strongly oriented towards "serve the clients best needs even if it causes operating at a loss" but admittedly not every practice can survive under a premise like that for long. I think one of my biggest frustrations is that they always reject crisis care billable hours, even though they claim to cover them, and even when I am literally talking someone through a total breakdown in functionality. It's very frustrating to know that one of the most basic elements of mental health care (emergency support in crisis) will never be paid for (keep in mind that often when insurancr denies a claim, a practice won't pay a provider for that time) which neither the practice nor I can really afford.

Basically, we desperately need universal quality healthcare coverage, as well as (frankly) incentives for providers to actually register with the providers of this insurance rather than providing OOP care only. And that universal coverage needs to understand that "protecting patients from overcharging" is not mutually exclusive from "paying claims for emergency/out of norm care".

[noonegetsleftbehind]

good GOD i am stressed the fuck out.

since 8am, i have had 7 calls from the doctor's office and hospital regarding my surgery. first they tell me be there at 11am surgery at 1. then they call to confirm. then they call to check in. then they call to confirm no copay. then they call to give instructions.

somewhere in there my parents called, i find out they're sick and may or may not have covid, inspection comes to look at our apartment and stresses me the fuck out, and while i'm with the inspector i get another damn call and an email.

check the voicemail and email and... now they want me at the hospital at 630am with surgery around 8am. there's a damn winter storm warning for overnight until 1pm tomorrow. it's a 2-3 hour long surgery and i....

i have been so non-stop today with everything, cleaning, getting everything prepared etc that i legit forgot to eat until about 15 minutes ago. i have a headache. i want to cry.

i wanted to be here and to get all this shit done before surgery, but... right now until i calm down? not happening. i need to decompress and i am going to do that with some sims or something. i may be able to get to some shit over night because when i have surgery that early i typically do not sleep because my anxiety is shit.

if i do not get to things before surgery i am sorry and i promise as soon as i am able to wear glasses again and see and function? i will be back and doing things. until then? bear with me.

-J

[sonicenvy]

you know what else has me seething about my recent ER visit?

so like i get taken to the stupid out of network ER in the stupid out of network ambulance. i have no idea what happened of what's going on. i am in excruciating pain. i am alone with the emt. she puts a sling on me. good. she puts some kind of neck brace thing on me. the neck brace is pressing painfully into my broken bone. bad. we get to the hospital. they take me out of the ambulance and strap me into the world's most uncomfortable wheelchair, weird neck brace still on. they leave me in the waiting room. i am in pain. i am sticky with sweat and dried blood. the neck brace is pressing down into my broken bone. i can't move myself. i am in pain.

no one tells me what is going on. i get taken out of the waiting room by some random person for 10 minutes where they ask me a bunch of weird questions about my health history and enter it in some computer. i beg them to give me painkillers. i feel like throwing up and i tell the nurse this. the random nurse gives me ONE tylenol and some anti-nausea drug. they wheel me back out into the stupid waiting room. my brother shows up and he finds out that i will be waiting for at least 2 hours in this waiting room. the tylenol doesn't do shit. i am in pain.

i wait for 2 and half hours in the waiting room until someone comes and gets me. they take me out of the horrible wheelchair and set me into a hospital bed. the bed is in a random hallway in the er. i sit there immobilized in the hallway in the bed for an hour. my parents show up. my father chooses to argue with me about "biking safely". the neck brace is still on and still digging into my broken bone. i am still sticky and freezing cold. there is still dried blood all over my left temple and into my hair. some passing nurse takes pity on me and covers me in a warm blanket.

i finally speak to a doctor and FINALLY get good pain medication. i have been in the er for over THREE FUCKING HOURS. they take me over for cat scans and xrays and shit and FINALLY take the neck brace off. i never get to see the xrays or have them explained. they tell me i don't have a head injury.

i end up in the bed in the hallway again. a different woman comes over to me about 30 mins later. she tells me while i am still in agony, freezing cold, sticky and confused that i have a $500 copay for the visit and asks if i would like to pay it now with a credit card. i am still in the random er hallway. i refuse to pay and she makes me sit up and sign something, which i can't do very well and which hurts a lot. she leaves.

i finally get discharged from the hospital it is 10:45PM. A doctor gives my mom a script for some pain killer like oxy or something. the pharmacy is closed so i can't get it until the next day. I entered the hospital at 5:00PM. I finally get home at 11:30PM.

the er calls me the next day while i am phasing in and out of sleep "thanking me for choosing their hospital" and asks me to give them a review. i hang up because i just want to go back to sleep.

i hate it here.

[asecretthirdthing]

So let me get this straight.

My insurance from Florida didn’t cover me anywhere up here, so I got new insurance from marketplace.

—> I really needed to see a doctor, my partner suggests the place they go to.

—> I call that place and ask if they accept my insurance. They said they’ll transfer me to somebody who can answer that.

—> I am transferred to somebody in IT who is confused and can’t help me. They said they can transfer me to somebody who can help me.

—> they transfer me to UPMC’s referral line. I explain to the lady how I ended up talking to her. She says she can’t make me an appointment at the place I originally tried, but can make me an appointment at the family health center nearby. I ask if they accept my insurance. She says they accept most highmark insurance so should be fine. I make the appointment.

—> I show up to the appointment. I emphasize to the front desk lady I want to make sure they accept my insurance. I give her my card and she has trouble putting in the information, like the computer is glitching or something. Three people end up at the computer trying to figure it out. It ends up being put in, they delightfully inform me I don’t have a copay. I’m thinking to myself, hell yeah.

—> I go to my appointment. My doctor is amazing and we cover everything in an hour long appointment. She gives me blood work papers, recommends I get it done at the UPMC outpatient services across the street.

—> I go to get my blood work done a few days later, I am told sorry, they don’t accept my insurance. But the family health center, which is the same company, does? “Sorry, must be a hospital thing. AHN accepts your insurance though.”

—> I get my blood work done at AHN

—> I look at my labs online once they’re done and 4/6 of them came back abnormal. I start to really look forward to my follow up to receive help I need.

—> I get a phone call yesterday apparently that family health center is out of network, and if I want to do my follow up it’s going to cost $200 upfront before my appointment. I have a mental breakdown on the phone. I barely have enough in my account for the Ubers to and from the doctor.

—> I now have to call member services on my insurance card to confirm they are out of network. If they are I have to reschedule my follow up with another place after all this work I’ve done.

—> if I ever meet somebody who owns a health insurance company in real life I will kill them