#go look up some six era episode endings they’re hilarious

[idkaguyorsomething]

for the next season of doctor who we should bring back the six era endings that pick some random moment to end the episode and then cut to this shit:

just imagine finishing the newest episode on the most heartwrenching cliffhanger possible, and then it starts playing a screensaver while ncuti gatwa’s eyes bore into your soul

[real-south-park-confessions]

hey, whats you favourite south park ep?

oh me? there are way too many for me to possibly say. seriously, i have no idea how i could narrow it down to one episode.

I definitely need to mention the meteor shower trilogy for warming my entire heart every time. All three episodes in it are amazing. I think Eric Cartman is at his absolute most sympathetic in "Cat Orgy," and it also gives so much more depth to Shelly's character. And just, like, "I wrote a letter to the press to be opened in the case of my demise!" you guys i'm seriously. "Two Men Naked in a Hot Tub" gave us Butters as a named character. And just when it seemed like Stan being stuck with the Melvins and Randy and Gerald being gay-adjacent would carry the episode, a Waco satire got thrown in to up the stakes. Incredible. And "Jewbilee" is just amazing; Kyle and Kenny get to be friends in it, Moses demanding an offering of basic camp crafts was stupid funny, Kenny saving the day was really satisfying.

uhhh "Cartman Joins NAMBLA" is also on a pedestal in my heart. I remember my reaction the very first time (of many) that I watched it of "wait, nambla is in this episode?? they did a south park on freaking nambla???" and the whole episode worked really well without triggering too much disgust (at least for me).

"Cartmanland" is on this list because. you guys might have noticed. that i kind of love kyle. a lot. maybe you might have picked up on that at some point. and i think this is a good kyle episode.

When I first started watching South Park, I found myself watching "Butters' Very Own Episode" over and over again, and it still completely fascinates me. I love how it manages to be so dark and so sad without feeling like it's diverging from the show's usual tone. I love the scene where Stephen finds Linda about to hang herself SO MUCH. The scene doesn't have any jokes in it aside from "Dear ass-face, that's it!" and it's played completely straight, and I just... love it. Funny that one of my all-time favorite scenes in the entire show doesn't even have any of the kids in it!

Speaking of favorite scenes, I love the scene of the boys stealing Kenny's urn and the scene where they get cremation explained to them so much that I'm putting "A Ladder to Heaven" on this list. The way that they're not sad during it, but they somehow think that Kenny himself is literally inside the urn... it's extremely childlike and I love it a lot.

I'm looking at seasons six and seven now and there are WAY too many amazing episodes for me to possibly choose any or I'd just be listing everything... "Jared Has Aides," "The Simpsons Already Did It," "Free Hat," "Fat Butt and Pancake Head"... there are just too many winners.

Okay, we're gonna be here all day if I keep going, so I'm just going to skip to the end of the series.

"Put it Down" is a flawless episode. The entire thing had me laughing (aside from the parts that were just little kids being run over by cars), every scene set up the punchline of the final musical number PERFECTLY, Craig and Tweek genuinely caring about each other was very refreshing compared to how brutal the show can be, and Cartman trying to launch a suicide prevention movement to prevent his own suicide is a hilarious concept.

Finally, mega shout-out to "Turd Burglars" for being a s23 episode that can go head to head with any episode from any other era in terms of sheer entertainment.

That was way more information than you asked for! Thanks to anyone who actually read that wall of text!

[shijiujun]

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH PSYCH HUNTER 心宅猎人

I AM BACK!!! WITH ANOTHER WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH!!!

You guys know how much I lurveeee Republican era crime thrillers whatever, so I bring y’all Psych Hunter! Set in the Republican era, this is a crime thriller thing that reminds me of 1. MRIAD A BIT with a quarter dose of 2. TLTR, and yes the best part of these three shows is the half bromance although it definitely isn’t AS pronounced here, but it certainly sweetens the deal of watching this.

Summary: Jiang Shuo is a feng shui master and real estate broker who can enter people’s psych (a bit like Sherlock’s mind palace, or maybe Inception-esque worlds in people’s consciousness), who gets arrested for real estate fraud across three people who died after buying the houses. He meets psychology expert and doctor Qin Yiheng, who is currently consulting with the police station on cases. There he also meets Yuan Muqing, a police officer who is great at martial arts. With his skill of ‘reading minds’ or actually ENTERING someone’s dream/mind scape, he can see what they’re trying to hide etc.

A year ago, Jiang Shuo woke up without any memories of who he was before, and he and his two new friends solve cases set in front of them by mastermind Liu Zhi (six fingers), as he also tries to get his memories back. 

*The official summary also mentions that he was one of 7 people who entered a haunted house of sorts and was the only one to come out alive before he was found with all his memories lost.

Based on a novel called 凶宅笔记.

Total Eps: 36 | Playing on iQiyi offiically, but available on other usual sites I think

Why I like this:

If you like Republican era shows, this is definitely another one for you!! Plus case-solving, albeit a little different than usual

This is canonically het, i.e. Jiang Shuo is supposed to end up with Yuan Muqing, but the harmless and fun bromance between Jiang Shuo and Qin Yiheng is quite hilarious and nice to see - They hold hands A LOT (out of necessity) hahaha and when Jiang Shuo jokingly told Qin Yiheng that he looks better without glasses, the man really dumps his glasses HAHAHA

Did I also mention that Jiang Shuo looks cute af, and Qin Yiheng for all his sternness and bravado is a baby - Anyway they’re pretty nice to look at, way handsomer than they look in the poster 

It has the same-ish setting as MRIAD, but the creepiness factor of TLTR every other episode, ERMMM a bit of The Nun vibes cuz there really is a nun in there for one of the cases, and zombies and weird shit (it’s a dreamscape so hahaha)

Cinematography/framing/shots aren’t half bad which I mean is actually pretty good, although they should work a tad bit on makeup and like props (a mirror was formed with aluminium foil YOU CAN LITERALLY SEE IT)

It’s not the most brilliant in terms of script or the cases, and some of the deductions made by QYH or the rest of the police force are, admittedly, pretty lame. But the focus I suppose is on the supernatural/inception part of it, which is pretty interesting. 

I also regretted watching this at night hmmm

Characters:

1. Jiang Shuo

Smartass feng shui expert and real estate broker. Carries a string of coins and bells everywhere he goes. Amnesiac bb who is a little hot-headed but very intelligent, obviously dislikes Qin Yiheng on first sight (even though they meet while QYH is trying to save him), but sort of affectionately calls him Qin Er (as in the second Qin son). Has already fainted twice in the first two episodes, and gotten hurt in the third, I LIKE HOW THIS IS GOING. There’s quite a bit of whump for him hahaha.

Him and his coin thingys:

2. Qin Yiheng

He also went to Cambridge (against his dad’s wishes) and has an older brother. Is a doctor by degree and also psychologist by profession. Helping out with the police station now where he’s friends with the chief. He’s roped into this whole mess with Jiang Shuo for some reason by mastermind Liu Zhi as well, who has kidnapped his father. So in order to find out who Liu Zhi is and rescue his dad, he has to work together with Jiang Shuo. 

If you watch this for like his deduction skills, you’re totally out of luck tho, that’s not the point of this show (and frankly the deduction is a bit sad), but he’s rich, dresses well, has an air about him, and has chemistry with Jiang Shuo hahaha.

His side-eye and almost eye-roll whenever he deals with JS:

And yes Jiang Shuo and Qin Yiheng forever bickering, but Qin Yiheng has already rescued Jiang Shuo twice, and also sat by his bedside while waiting for Jiang Shuo to wake up - Also a lot of hand holding while they’re in the dreamscapes

Cute buddies in crime:

3. Yuan Muqing

Aside from whoever chose to dub her and make her sound like a kid, her role in this one is pretty cute! Cool martial arts policewoman who crushes hard on Qin Yiheng first and then decides she actually likes Jiang Shuo more. Hot-headed too, but very likeable.

---

Anyway it’s a pretty light but thrilling show to watch so far!! Definitely not the most interesting in terms of cases, but the chemistry between the three characters above are pretty much on point! Plus the whole creepy factor and large conspiracy behind is definitely driving me to finish this. Banter between QYH and JS is great too hehe.

[carriagelamp]

April l was apparently the month for me to revisit some children’s authors who are steeped in controversy at the moment. So here’s my hot (well, lukewarm) takes on issues that absolutely do not need a single other person talking about them. Also some actual good books that I read this month!

Badger in the Basement

The Animal Ark books are a childhood classic — though I recently found out that apparently there’s a difference between American and British publications, and the American versions didn’t include a lot of actual COOL animals which is… bizarre. As a Canadian stuck in the middle of this, this nonsense drives me nuts. This one was about the main character, the daughter of pair of vets, trying to protect a local badger sett from men wanting to participate in badger digging and baiting. These books are always feel-good, and it was a nice single-day-read while I waited for a library book to come in.

Chi’s Sweet Home

The cutest manga series about the misadventures of a little kitten, Chi, who has been adopted by a loving family. I’ve never bothered to read them in order, but apparently this time I stumbled across the last in the series -- whoops! Still, stood on it’s own pretty easily, and it was a fun read! Things get tense when the family realize that they may have found Chi’s original home… and may have to give up Chi forever.

Earth Before Us: Dinosaur Empire!

This was an odd graphic novel, I feel like I’m not sure who the target audience was exactly. It was a nonfiction comic done in a Magic School Bus style, with the purpose of teaching current, up-to-date facts about the animals that lived in the Mesozoic Era. If you’re into dinosaurs, you’ll probably enjoy this! The art is absolutely adorable, I love the dinosaur illustrations, and I learnt some really neat facts. That being said, the pages are really dense, and there’s a lot of info crammed in… some of it will probably go way over a child’s head without specific additional teaching or a very strong personal interest. But that being said, a dinosaur obsessed kid is still probably going to really dig this… as would a dinosaur obsessed adult. It wasn’t my cup of tea exactly but I’m sure it is someone’s.

assorted Dr Seuss Books

I love these types of controversies because it means getting to listen to every moron who has never had an opinion on Dr Seuss ever start generating a mile of them out of the aether. So many people are so mad about the six books that are getting retired and I bet most of them haven’t even read them. These are not the friggin Cat In The Hat or The Lorax or even the likes of Yertle The Turtle. I was raised by a grade one teacher, was a voracious reader who loved Dr Seuss, and wrote my university thesis on children’s literature, and I still only knew two of the six books on that list. So by all means, if you want to write an essay explaining why those specific books are worth clinging to, feel free, but if you haven’t even heard of them maybe it’s not a big deal. *grumble*

Anyway, my grousing aside, it gave me the urge to reread a bunch of Seuss books, including the two retiring books I personally knew: McElligot’s Pool and To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street. I do still enjoy both, especially McElligot’s Pool which always sparked my imagination, but it’s obvious why they’re being retired and I personally think it’s the right choice. There’s so much good kidlit out there, we can survive without these.

Goodbye, My Rose Garden

A f/f romance manga, fairly standard fair though cute if you’re looking for some historical angst, pretty dresses, and mutual pining. A young Japanese woman moves to England in the hopes of meeting a writer (Mr Frank) who she has long admired. Along the way she is employed by an enigmatic woman with plenty of money, rumours, and melancholy following her. I’ll be honest, uncut romance isn’t really my genre, but I’ll probably still try to the second book to see if the story picks up.

From The Holocaust to Hogan’s Heroes: The Autobiography of Robert Clary

It’s no secret that I’ve been on a Hogan’s Heroes kick. This is the autobiography of Roberty Clary, who plays my favourite character in the show, Louis Lebeau. And holy shit what a life this man has had. He was a Jew growing up in France before the start of the war, and who was one of many children taken away from his family and sent off to the concentration camps in Germany. This was an amazing, intense, inspiring, and heartbreaking read… it has Clary’s voice all over it, and it tells everything from the charming childhood he had, to the horrors of the concentration camps, the brutality of survival, and then about his exciting journey into the entertainment industry afterwards. It’s an experience, would recommend if you’re a fan of the show.

The Ickabog

The second controversial author I read this month. Originally I was going to give Rowling’s new book a miss, given everything that’s been going on over the past few years, but in the end my curiosity got the better of me. Politics aside, it was a fun read! Not groundbreaking, but enjoyable enough and written in an interesting style. It didn’t read the same as a lot of modern kidlit, it felt more like a cross between a classic fairytale and a Dahl book. Perhaps a bit like Despereaux. It tells the tale of how an idyllic country gradually falls into ruin through the ignorance, inaction, and greed, and how a supposedly fictional monster hides the very real, human monsters at the heart of the country. It was cute and pleasant and I’m glad I decided to get it from the library, though for anyone who is choosing not to engage for political reasons: you aren’t missing anything major.

Franklin In The Dark

A Canadian classic. I don’t think there’s a single person my age who hasn’t read or been read a pile of these books, and the nostalgia is so comforting. I found this on Youtube and listened to someone read it to me, and honestly 10/10 would recommend for a calm evening.

The big reason I decided to seek this one out though, was because I finally got to the M*A*S*H episode that inspired this entire series! In the episode C*A*V*E, in which Hawkeye is freaking out over his claustrophia while the camp is forced to take shelter in a nearby cave during some intense shelling, he mentions that if he had been born a turtle he would have been afraid of his own shell, and that the other turtles would make fun of him cause he’d be forced to walk around in his underwear. And so this first story about a young turtle who’s afraid to sleep in his own shell and drags it around behind him. So if you were ever curious, Franklin the Turtle is in fact named after Dr Benjamin Franklin Pierce. (this is also why the French version is named Benjamin!)

Wolves of the Beyond: Lone Wolf

I loved the Guardians of Ga’Hoole books as a kid but I never read the Wolves of the Beyond series. This first book was an interesting read, Lasky does a great job creating worlds and societies for the animals that inhabit them. Lone Wolf is about a deformed wolf cub who was abandoned in the wilderness to die. And he would have, if a desperate mother bear, who had recently had her only cub killed, hadn’t stumbled across him and saved him, vowing to raise him as her own...

Petals

A “silent” graphic novel. It has beautiful artwork and is told entirely through pictures, no text at all. It’s loves and heart-wrenching, though it left me feeling somewhat unsatisfied… I felt like there should have been more. Still, a neat story.

The Southern Book Club‘s Guide To Slaying Vampires

What a banger of a novel!! I can’t recommend this one enough. It’s about a group of suburban mothers in the ‘80s who form a book club out of a shared need for community and a love of grisly true crime novels. But when a strange drifter appears in town and starts setting down roots… and when children begin disappearing… these women need to band together to confront the horrors that have invaded their neighbourhood, and face down not only a terrifying monster among them but the patriarchal system that allows it to flourish. To quote the preface:

“Because vampires are the original serial killers, stripped of everything that makes us human — they have no friends, no family, no roots, no children. All they have is hunger. They eat and eat but they’re never full. With this book, I wanted to pit a man freed from all responsibilities but his appetites against women whose lives are shaped by their endless responsibilities. I wanted to pit Dracula against my mom.    As you’ll see, it’s not a fair fight.“

The Weirn Books: Be Wary of the Silent Woods

I love Chmakova’s graphic novels, though I’ve only ever read her slice-of-life middle grade series before. This one is pure fantasy and very fun. It’s about two cousin “weirns” — witches with demon familiars — who attend the local night school. Things get strange though when an ominous figure appears outside the old, abandoned school house deep in the Silent Woods, and begins tempting children down its path…

I’m very much looking forward to word of a second book and was honestly kind of surprised that I haven’t heard more about this book given how popular her other series is. This has all the same charm and quirks but for those of us who prefer stories based in fantasy rather than reality.

And A Bonus...

For some masochistic reason I got a Garfield book out of the library. Jeez, if I didn’t love these as a kid, I found them absolutely laugh out loud hilarious, and now I just don’t see it anymore. But here I will share the one strip in the book that actually made me laugh

[marginalgloss]

I turn 35 tomorrow. How better to celebrate that than with some notes on the handful of video games I have managed to finish over the last ten months. In no particular order:

Judgment (PS4)

Something I think about often is that there aren’t many games which are set in the real world. By this I man the world in which we live today. You can travel through ancient Egypt or take a trip through the stars in the far future, but it’s relatively rare to be shown a glimpse of something familiar. Hence the unexpected popularity of the new release of Microsoft Flight Simulator, which lets you fly over a virtual representation of your front porch, as well as the Grand Canyon, and so on.

I found something like the same appeal in Judgment, a game which took me longer than anything else listed here to finish — seven or eight months, on and off. Like the Yakuza games to which it is a cousin, it’s set in Kamurocho, a fictional district of a real-world Tokyo; unlike other open-world games, it renders a space of perhaps half a square mile in intense detail. I spent a long time in this game wandering around slowly in first-person view, looking at menus and in the windows of shops and restaurants. The attention to detail is unlike everything I have ever seen, from the style of an air conditioning unit to the range of Japanese whiskies on sale in a cosy backstreet bar. And this was a thing of value at a time when the thought of going anywhere else at all, let alone abroad, seemed like it was going to be very difficult for a very long time.

It’s a game of at least three discrete parts. One of them is a fairly cold-blooded police procedural/buddy cop story: you play an ex-lawyer turned private eye investigating a series of grisly murders that, inevitably, link back to your own murky past. In another part you run around the town getting into hilarious martial arts escapades, battering lowlifes with bicycles and street furniture. In another, you can while away your hours playing meticulous mini-games that include darts, baseball, poker, Mahjong and Shogi — and that’s before we even get to the video game arcades.

All these parts are really quite fun, and if you want to focus on one to the exclusion of the others, the game is totally fine with that. The sudden tonal shifts brought about by these crazy and abrupt shifts in format are, I think, essentially unique to video games. But the scope of Judgment is a thing all its own. As a crafted spectacle of escapist fiction it’s comprehensive, and in its own way utterly definitive.  

Mafia: Definitive Edition (PS4)

I was amazed when I found out they were doing a complete remake of Mafia, a game I must have finished at least three or four times in the years after its release back in 2002. Games from this era don’t often receive the same treatment as something like Resident Evil, where players might be distracted by the controls and low-poly graphics of the original. 

A quality remake makes it easier for all kinds of reasons to appreciate what was going on there. (Not least because they have a lot of new games in the same series to sell.) But in the early 00s PC games like this one had started to get really big and ambitious, and had (mostly) fixed issues with controls; so there’s a hell of a lot more stuff going on in Mafia than in most games of that era. It was also a very hard game, with all kinds of eccentricities that most big titles don’t attempt today. Really I have no idea how this remake got made at all. 

But I was so fond of the original I had to play it. The obvious: it looks fantastic, and the orchestral soundtrack is warm and evocative. The story is basic, but for the era it seemed epic, and it’s still an entertaining spectacle. The original game got the balance of cinematic cutscenes, driving and action right the first time, even while Rockstar were still struggling to break out of the pastiche-led GTA III and Vice City. 

They have made it easier. You’re still reliant on a handful of medical boxes in each level for healing, but you get a small amount of regenerating health as well. You no longer have to struggle to keep your AI companions alive. Most of the cars are still heavy and sluggish, but I feel like they’re not quite as slow as they once were. They’ve changed some missions, and made some systems a little more comfortable — with sneaking and combat indicators and so on — but there aren’t any really significant additions.

The end result of all this is that it plays less like an awkward 3D game from 2002, and more like a standard third-person shooter from the PS3/360 era. Next to virtually any other game in a similar genre from today, it feels a bit lacking. There’s no skill tree, no XP, no levelling-up, no crafting, no side-missions, no unusual weapons or equipment, no alternative routes through the game. And often all of that stuff is tedious to the extreme in new titles, but here, you really feel the absence of anything noteworthy in the way of systems. 

My options might have been more limited in 2002 but back then the shooting and driving felt unique and fun enough that I could spend endless hours just romping around in Free Ride mode. Here, it felt flat by comparison; it felt not much different to Mafia III, which I couldn’t finish because of how baggy it felt and how poorly it played, in spite of it having one of the most interesting settings of any game in recent years. But games have come a long way in twenty years.    

Hypnospace Outlaw (Nintendo Switch)

If this game is basically a single joke worked until it almost snaps then it is worked extremely well. 

It seems to set itself up for an obvious riff on the way in which elements of the web which used to be considered obnoxious malware (intrusive popups and so on) have since become commonplace, and sometimes indispensable, parts of the online browsing experience. But it doesn’t really do that, and I think that’s because it’s a game which ends up becoming a little too fascinated by its own lore. 

The extra science fiction patina over everything is that technically this isn’t the internet but a sort of psychic metaverse delivered over via a mid-90s technology involving a direct-to-brain headset link. I don’t know that this adds very much to the game, since the early days of the internet were strange enough without actually threatening to melt the brains of its users. 

(This goes back to what I said about Judgment - I sometimes wonder if it feels easier to make a game within a complete fiction like this, rather than simply placing it in the context of the nascent internet as it really was. Because this way you don’t have to worry too much about authenticity or realism; this way the game can be as outlandish as it needs to be.) 

But, you know. It’s a fun conceit. A clever little world to romp around in for a while. 

Horace (Nintendo Switch)

I don’t know quite where to begin with describing this. One of the oddest, most idiosyncratic games I’ve played in recent years. 

As I understand it this platformer is basically the creation of two people, and took about six years to make. You start out thinking this is going to be a relatively straightforward retro run-and-jump game — and for a while, it is — but then the cutscenes start coming. And they keep coming. You do a lot of watching relative to playing in this game, but it’s forgivable because they are deeply, endearingly odd. 

It’s probably one of the most British games I’ve ever played in terms of the density and quality of its cultural references. And that goes for playing as well as watching; there’s a dream sequence which plays out like Space Harrier and driving sequences that play out like Outrun. There are references to everything from 2001 to the My Dinner with Abed episode of Community. And it never leans into any of it with a ‘remember that?’ knowing nod — it’s all just happening in the background, littered like so much cultural detritus. 

A lot of it feels like something that’s laser-targeted to appeal to a certain kind of gamer in their mid-40s. And, not being quite there myself, a lot of it passed me by. Horace is not especially interested in a mass appeal — it’s not interested in explaining itself, and it doesn’t care if you don’t like the sudden shifts in tone between heartfelt sincerity and straight-faced silliness. But as a work of singular creativity and ambition it’s simply a joyous riot. 

Horizon: Zero Dawn (PS4)

I stopped playing this after perhaps twelve or fifteen hours. There is a lot to like about it; it still looks stunning on the PS4 Pro; Aloy is endearing; the world is beautiful to plod around. But other parts of it seem downright quaint. It isn’t really sure whether it should be a RPG or an action game. And I’m surprised I’ve never heard anyone else mention the game’s peculiar dedication to maintaining a shot/reverse shot style throughout dialogue sequences, which is never more than tedious and stagey.

The combat isn’t particularly fun. Once discovered most enemies simply become enraged and blunder towards you, in some way or another; your job is to evade them, ensnare them or otherwise trip them up, then either pummel them into submission or chip away at their armour till they become weak enough to fall. I know enemy AI hasn’t come on in leaps and bounds in recent years but it’s not enough to dress up your enemies as robot dinosaurs and then expect a player to feel impressed when they feel like the simplest kind of enrageable automata. Oh, and then you have to fight human enemies too, which feels like either an admission of failure or an insistence that a game of this scale couldn’t happen without including some level of human murder. 

I don’t have a great deal more to say about it. It’s interesting to me that Death Stranding, which was built on the same Decima engine, kept the frantic and haphazard combat style from Horizon, but went to great lengths to actively discourage players from getting into fights at all. (It also fixed the other big flaw in Horizon — the flat, inflexible traversal system — and turned that into the centrepiece of the game.) 

Disco Elysium (PS4)

In 2019 I played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons. I’m talking about the actual tabletop roleplaying game, not any kind of video game equivalent. For week after week a group of us from work got together and sort of figured it out, and eventually developed not one but two sprawling campaigns of the never-ending sort. We continued for a while throughout the 2020 lockdown, holding our sessions online via Roll20, but it was never quite the same. After a while, as our life circumstances changed further, it sort of just petered out.

I mention all this because Disco Elysium is quite clearly based around the concept of a computerised tabletop roleplaying game (aka CRPG). My experience of that genre is limited to the likes of Baldurs Gate, the first Pillars of Eternity and the old Fallout games, so I was expecting to have to contend with combat and inventory management. What I wasn’t expecting was to be confronted with the best novel I’ve read this year.

To clarify: I have not read many other novels this year, by my standards. But, declarations of relative quality aside, what I really mean is that this game is, clearly and self-consciously, a literary artefact above all. It is written in the style of one of those monolithic nineteenth century novels that cuts a tranche through a society, a whole world — you could show it to any novelist from at least the past hundred years and they would understand pretty well what is going on. It is also wordy in every sense of that term: there’s a lot of reading to do, and the text is prolix in the extreme. 

You could argue it’s less a game than a very large and fairly sophisticated piece of interactive fiction. The most game-like aspects of it are not especially interesting. It has some of the stats and the dice-rolling from table-top roleplaying games, but this doesn’t sit comfortably with the overtly literary style elsewhere. Health and morale points mostly become meaningless when you can instantly heal at any time and easily stockpile the equivalent of health potions. And late on in the game, when you find yourself frantically changing clothes in order to increase your chances of passing some tricky dice roll, the systems behind the game start to feel somewhat disposable. 

Disco Elysium is, I think, a game that is basically indifferent to its own status as a game. Nothing about it exists to complement its technological limitations, and nor is it especially interested in the type of unique possibilities that are only available in games. You couldn’t experience Quake or Civilisation or the latest FIFA in any other format; but a version of Disco Elysium could have existed on more or less any home computer in about the last thirty years. And, if we were to lose the elegant art and beautiful score, and add an incredibly capable human DM, it could certainly be played out as an old-fashioned tabletop game not a million miles from Dungeons and Dragons.

All of the above is one of the overriding thoughts I have about this game. But it doesn’t come close to explaining what it is that makes Disco Elysium great.

[buzzdixonwriter]

Another Pointless Top Ten List (But You’ll Keep Reading, Anyway)

My brother Rikk recently mailed me another top ten list of his, in this instance being his top ten favorite TV comedy shows (which he defines as 30 minutes or less, no movies).

The Three Stooges

M*A*S*H

The Andry Griffith Show 

The Beverly Hillbillies

Hogan’s Heroes

I Love Lucy 

The Honeymooners 

All In The Family

Get Smart 

Gilligan’s Island

His honorable mentions include F Troop, The Patty Duke Show, My Three Sons, Gomer Pyle USMC, Batman, Petticoat Junction, Mr. Ed. Bewitched, and I Dream Of Jeanie.

Again, one of those personal favorite lists that you really can’t argue with because it reflects personal tastes and / or fond nostalgia (though I am calling shenanigans on The Three Stooges; they were theatrical shorts shown in movie theaters, not a TV show, and besides, Laurel & Hardy are soooooo much better…).

But of course we’re going to play the game, so I’ll respond, first throwing in a caveat:  No skit comedy shows such as Monty Python’s Flying Circus, The Marty Feldman Show, Benny Hill, Second City TV, The Kids In The Hall, or Love, American Style.

I’m also omitting programs like The Gong Show and Jackass because while hilarious and under 30 minutes, they weren’t scripted or story driven.

So here’s my list:

The Dick Van Dyke Show -- the sitcom art form at peak perfection.  Carl Reiner’s insight into what writing for a mercurial TV star is like (in his case, Sid Caesar on Your Show Of Shows, for Van Dyke’s Rob Petrie it was Carl Reiner as Alan Brady).  If you’ve never seen the show, start off with their two best episodes, “Coast To Coast Big Mouth” and “October Eve” (though they’re all good).  “October Eve” is the one where Sally (Rose Marie) finds a nude painting of Laura (Mary Tyler Moore playing Dick Van Dyke’s wife) in an art gallery.  SALLY:  “There’s a painting here you should know about.”  LAURA: “If it’s what I think it is, I can explain.”  SALLY:  “If you need to explain, it’s what you think it is.”

The Mary Tyler Moore Show – this is the first American novel for television.  It’s a novel of character, not plot, and it traces the growth of Mary Richards, a 30 year old woman-child who realizes she needs to grow up, as she blossoms into a mature, self-reliant adult.  You can select two episodes at random and by comparing her character growth determine not only which season they were filmed but when in that season.

I Love Lucy -- eking out a bronze medal for its longevity and pioneering of the art form.  The first sitcom shot on film, it led the way in the rerun market.  Not just a historical icon but consistently funny.

WKRP In Cincinnati -- as crazy as a sitcom could get and still be within the realm of plausibility.  Never loved by its network, they bounced it around for four seasons until it faded away (it made a syndicated comeback a decade later, of which we shall not speak).  Great supporting staff, dynamite writing.  While they never steered away from serious subject matters (such as an actual rock concert tragedy in Cincinnati where several fans were crushed when rushing the stage), they will be forever and justly remembered for the beloved “Turkey Drop” episode.

Fawlty Towers – only two seasons and a mere 12 episodes and yet more comedic bang for the buck than anything else on this list.  John Cleese as a frustrated, short-tempered, conniving hotelier practically writes itself.  SYBIL FAWLTY:  “You know what I’ll do if I find you’ve been gambling again, don’t you, Basil?”  BASIL:  “You’ll have to sew them back on first, m’dear.”

That Girl -- looking back it can sometimes be hard to judge just how groundbreaking certain shows were.  Marlo Thomas as a struggling young actress finding romance and success in Manhattan seems positively wholesome today, but in the mid-1960s it was considered quite daring and progressive.  The Mary Tyler Moore Show took their opening credits inspiration from Marlo Thomas’ character exploring Manhattan in the opening credits of That Girl.

He & She -- a one season wonder from 1967.  Another daring and progressive show for its era.  Richard Benjamin and Paula Prentiss played a young married couple, he being a cartoonist who drew a superhero strip (the actor playing the superhero on TV in the series was Jack Cassidy at his manic best).  Another show with a dynamite supporting cast…and just too hip for the room at the time (honorable mention to Love On A Rooftop, a similar show from the previous season that also proved too advanced for audiences at that time).  

Green Acres -- started out silly but quickly took a turn into the surreal, breaking the fourth wall, commenting on the opening credits as they ran by, all sorts of oddball stuff.  Dismissed as a hayseed comedy, the truth is the supporting cast possessed dynamite comedic chops and their sense of timing is a joy to behold.  Forms a loose trilogy with The Beverly Hillbillies and Petticoat Junction since all three referenced the same small towns of Hooterville and Pixley  as well as occasional crossovers (honorable mention to the first season of Petticoat Junction which is as pure an example of Americana as one could hope to find and could easily be distilled into a feature film remake).

The Young Ones -- another two season / twelve episode wonder from the UK.  Four stereotypical English college students go through increasing levels of insanity as the series progressed.  Unlike most shows of the era where there was no continuity episode to episode, damage done in an early episode would still be seen for the rest of the series.  (They also would simply end a show when they ran out of time, not resolving that episode’s plot.)  Their random / non sequitur style proved a tremendous influence on shows like Family Guy.

Fernwood 2 Nite / America 2-Nite -- a spin off from the faux soap opera Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, this presented itself as a cable access variety show for Mary Hartman’s hometown of Fernwood.  With Martin Mull as the obnoxious host, Fred Willard as his incurably dense second banana, and TV theme song composer Frank De Vol as the band leader.  Because it’s so rooted in 1970s pop culture it doesn’t age as well as some other shows on the list, but many of the gags still land solidly today.  For the second season the show-within-a-show went nationwide and became America 2-Nite. Very funny, very well written, and all the more remarkable because these guys were doing five episodes a week!

Okay, so what can this list tell us?

Buzz is old.  Like really, really, really old.

Buzz stopped watching sitcoms in the mid-1980s.

There’s a reason for that.  By that time I was writing for TV and trying to get my own work done.  I didn’t have time to sit and watch TV on a regular basis (still don’t), and too often I could see the gears turning and guess where the episode was heading by the end of the first scene (still do).

I’ve veered away from “must watch” TV, especially shows that require the audience to keep track of what’s gone on before.

Tell me I have to see the first six seasons of a show to appreciate what happens in the seventh and you’ve just lost me as a potential viewer.  I’m strictly a one & done kinda guy now (though I will binge watch if a mini-series has a manageable number of episodes, say six).

My list represents a time capsule for what caught my interest and attention during a very formative period of my life, i.e., from the early 1960s as I became more and more aware that writing was where my future lay, to the mid-1980s when I hit a good peak stretch.

I don’t doubt there are great and wonderful hilarious comedies out there that I haven’t seen, I’m just listing what I have seen that did make an impression on me.

Your mileage may vary.*

    © Buzz Dixon

  *  It should vary!  Be your own person!

[adamrevi3ws]

Jedi: Fallen Order

When I finished playing DOOM, I told myself that the next game I would play wouldn’t be one that pissed me off. Unfortunately, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order did not live up to those expectations.

While the source of my frustration with DOOM was mainly growing pains with its intense gameplay and action, Fallen Order mainly drew ire from me due to its unfinished and unpolished nature. Its publisher, EA, is in the same club as Ubisoft, Bethesda, and apparently now CD Projekt Red, often releasing games as broken glitchy messes when they first come out to meet quick deadlines. I’ve seen and heard how unplayable this game was at launch, and while it isn’t as bad as it was then, it still has enough subtle mistakes to ruin my gameplay experience. The main source of this and my frustration, in general, was the extremely finicky and unresponsive controls, particularly found in its two main selling points: platforming (and plot but I’ll talk about that later) directly lifted, if not plagiarized from the Uncharted games, and Dark Souls-esque combat gameplay. Nothing really lines up or “clicks” when it really needs to. Regarding the platforming, it feels like it takes a miracle to properly grab onto something and takes a thousand tries for a jump to work. When the double jump gets introduced, it really only works when the game, in its divine ignorance, feels the whim to let it work. A lot of reviewers complained about the difficult and unwieldy ice slide sequences in the game, and while I had my fair share of annoyance on a very specific ice slide, I think it’s just a symptom of a much larger problem. The combat shares this similar “the game only works when it wants to” problem. You don’t always dodge or block right when you want it to, but I think its biggest problem is healing. Instead of pressing a button and having part of your health restored, pressing said button instead “calls” your robot companion, which needs to do a special little animation and THEN you get healed, which takes a long 15 seconds. Not only does this waste a good amount of time in a game where time is absurdly precious in its hardcore combat, but every other time I tried calling the damn robot it straight up ignored me. I don’t know if this is a glitch, or it needs a cooldown period, or you can’t heal while being hit by an enemy, but it made the fights a lot more unnecessarily grating than they already are. Speaking of straight up screw you moments from the game, whenever I hit the “target” button in close combat with multiple enemies, it’d always target the farthest away enemy, for no reason. All of this is a shame because these main gameplay components are actually quite fun when they aren’t broken? A lot of the level design allows for really fast and exhilarating platforming that is absurdly fun when it syncs up, but that’s only, like half of the time. The combat can be enjoyable too, allowing for some great lightsaber duel boss fights, which can feel pretty cinematic when the combat actually works.

Outside of gameplay, the game’s unfinished nature shows itself a lot in its cutscenes. Its graphics just straight up dip and fail to fully render for 90% of these moments, often also feeling extremely choppy and cutting off a bit too soon. There was even one time an enemy was supposed to show up in a cutscene to initiate a boss fight but they just weren’t there and it was quite confusing because it felt like the main character was speaking to an empty wall. Around the middle of the game, both cutscenes and gameplay sequences would just freeze, and this is probably the first game I’ve played in a while to straight up crash on my PS4. If the developers took an extra, idk six months to actually fix this game a bit more I’d rate it a lot higher than I am now. I was actually warned about the game’s poor performance before playing, with a friend mentioning its horrible load times, but I didn’t know it’d be this bad. As my unopened copy of the infamous Cyberpunk 2077 waits on my mantlepiece for the developers to actually make it a playable game months after its release, I fear it may have the same fate as Fallen Order, still being quite a bit buggy and annoying over a year after its messy launch.

With its buggy and incohesive gameplay in mind, Jedi: Fallen Order’s strongest element is its plot. To my surprise, this is much less of a Star Wars game and more a game that just happens to be set in the Star Wars universe. Taking place between episodes 3 and 4, I kind of expected it to be an epic quest detailing the rise of the rebel alliance, but instead, I got a more generic treasure hunt storyline heavily reminiscent of the Uncharted series. Although this sounds quite disappointing, the game’s plot still soars in its great character arcs and setpieces interspersed the vague framework of its less-than-original overall plot. Combine these great individual moments with an absolutely bombastic ending and it almost makes trudging through the glitchy gameplay worth it. This is elevated by some great voice acting performances, particularly from Cameron Monaghan, who gives a movie star performance to the main character, even in a lot of moments where he doesn’t have much to work with. The setting is also a high point. Disney’s milking of Star Wars has led to a variety of media set between episodes 3 and 4, this game feels particularly special because it is more focused on the aftermath of Episode 3 rather than the buildup to Episode 4, which I think the rest of the media in this era is focused on. It’s clear that there are so many parts of the game that the studio put a lot of love in, ranging from the plot, to the memorable soundtrack (Mongolian throat singing, anyone?), to even the hilarious enemy dialogue, I just wish they put this amount of effort to make the game fully playable.

The one elephant in the room regarding this game that I haven’t mentioned so far is the game’s worlds/levels themselves. They aren’t annoyingly unpolished like the gameplay but aren’t really a labor of love either. Instead what we get is an admittedly gorgeous maze of areas within a few planets, constantly getting more twisty and confusing as you go on. It may visually resemble an open world, but it is very much a series of paths that make you go “hmmmm, should I go back to that other branching path to see if there are any healing upgrades or character customization options I can collect?” There’s nothing wrong about this MetroidVania style format, but frankly it’s not my type. A lot of the areas look visually similar so it’s quite easy to get lost, and despite each planet’s map being absurdly big, there’s no way to actually fast travel between areas, just between planets. Finally, the incentive to go back and explore isn’t particularly convincing, where the healing upgrades are a bit too well concealed and the character customization options are like, absurdly mid. This is the one time I actually wished an EA game had its own in-game currency so I could buy something cooler than “the same damn poncho you’re wearing except a slightly less boring color combination.” Come on, man! The one good thing I’ll say about the overall game world is that the in-game map highlights which paths you haven’t explored yet, making it much easier to get on track. While the game’s maze-like level style isn’t necessarily my thing, I think if the developers tried to make it a bit more interesting a lot of people would get a kick out of it.

Jedi: Fallen Order is a game that finally made me understand my college professors that went a bit too hard on my grammar mistakes when grading papers. The central content and ideas this game presents have a lot of potential, but they’re heavily weighed down by an infinite number of fixable mistakes. I give this game a 6.7 out of 10 stars.

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

THAT’S RIGHT BITCH! It’s October and I am still watching and inexplicably blogging about Supernatural - a dinosaur of a television show that’s been on the air longer than most children I know have been alive. 

I know I’m An Old because I don’t think kids these days understand the struggle it was watching television before streaming. We had to wait for episodes. Hell, I don’t think kids these days even really have to wait for seasons. I mean, Voltron premiered on Netflix in 2016, capped off their seasons at 13 episodes a piece and, oh yeah - aired seasons 5 - 8  all in 2018. Was I mad about that? No of course not. Do I also say phrases like “kids these days? Yes, so who even knows if what I think is relevant anymore. 

Alright, so speaking of seasons, last time I looked at pilots and pilot seasons and how the streaming era is changing everything we know about starting a TV show. But once you’ve got your pilot down, now what? 

Not this kind of pilot. Also, based on the prerequisites for demon possession, we’re all agreed this co-pilot’s like, an alcoholic, right?

There’s a rule in TV (sort of) that the first six episodes (some might argue the first season entirely) should be a kind of rehash of the pilot. The pilot sets up your premise and once you’ve got your pilot down, your job as a TV writer is to re-establish that premise over and over again. You’re building your world, you’re writing it’s rules. You’re setting up a template, a formula for how your episodes are gonna play out. This helps your audience get to know the characters, get familiar with your world, get comfortable spending time with them. Essentially, you’re getting your audience to trust the show that they’re going to be tuning in to for at least the next 20-some-odd episodes. 

I’d also argue that this is important so that later, you can break that format later. I’m not saying you should break the trust your audience puts in you, and that’s probably a real fine line of distinction. But if you break your rules right, it can hit the audience with a big emotional sucker punch. Or, it can stand out as a real breakout, tentpole of an episode - I’m thinking specifically about Ghostfacers! In season 3, or Once More, With Feeling, from Buffy. Those episodes work, really work, because they deviate from the formula, but they only work because we know the formula so well.  And these aren’t big changes to the way episodes are done, they’re just shifted ever so slightly that they felt new again.. 

So what is the premise of the first four episodes Supernatural? What’s the formula they set up for the rest of the series? 

Brothers. I said it in my last post, I’ll say it again, Sam and Dean/Jensen Ackles and Jared Jared Padalecki are what makes this show. Full stop. I think we could have gotten 5 seasons out of a show starring two other dudes. I do not think this show could have gotten 15 seasons with two other dudes. So from the pilot through Phantom Traveler, we learn that Sam and Dean have a sh*tty home life - their mother was killed by some mysterious evil thing and their father raised them to be little demon-hunting child soldiers while they look for the killer. Oh yeah, and Sam’s girlfriend died the exact same way which we will never forget because Sam’s gonna have a dream about it almost every episode from here on out. We set up the tension between the brothers - that Sam got to go to college while Dean stayed with their dad like a good boi. We learn that everybody hates each other probably because they are deeply and unhealthily codependent love each other so damn much. 

Next we get the basic rundown of the season arc: 

Dad’s on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days. The Winchester brothers are looking for him and by extension, looking for answers as to what killed their mom/Sam’s girlfriend. We also get the basic rundown of every episode: dad is a mysterious and elusive sonuvuabitch, so every episode they go about, say it with me now:

“The family business.” I would also accept “Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can,” but why can’t I find a gif for it?!? 

Backtracking on this but you know what else gets hecking established with the Winchesters? Sam is the cute one with the people skills and the puppy dog face, so you’d naturally assume that he’s the soft one. No. Not the case. Dean is the Sofffft Boi. The SOFTest boi. Dean wants Sam to talk about his feelings, Dean wants Sam to not keep things bottled up, Dean is the one who desperately wants to keep a hold of his family and also is just deeply broken and traumatized on the inside and oh no, I told myself I wouldn’t do this but I did it anyway. Sorry not sorry. This watch, I’m really picking up on the fact that Dean is, weirdly, the Mom Friend in this first season. Like, he’s basically a Trailer-Trash-Teen-Pregnancy Mom who’ll give you spaghettios five nights a week and a shot of whiskey so you’ll quit yer bitchin’ and go to sleep faster, but he’s the Mom nonetheless. Later in this season and in other seasons, I think you even see him do his dumb-baby-best filling in as the Mom when John went off the deep end. Anyway, I have a lot of feelings and we don’t have time to unpack all of that so I’ll just move on.

RUDE.

Next we set up our Supernatural Bag of Holding - what’s in it? What are the mystical artifacts they use to kill those evil sons of bitches? First up is The Car. Damn, I am not a cars girl, but that 67 Chevy, it does things to me. 

This car has some weird pavlovian trigger for me, it’s not NATURAL. 

The journal. 

John Winchester, you journal the way I imagine a psycho killer journals and I would just really appreciate it if you could be ANY MORE ORGANIZED THAN THIS.

The Trunk Full of Weapons - I love that in these first few episodes (and possibly the rest of the series???) they give this HELLA conspicuous look every time they open the trunk full of weapons. It’s hilarious EVERY TIME.

No, you’re not being obvious at ALL, guys.

The Fake ID’s - from credit cards to impersonating feds, these boys are not afraid to break the law to save some lives and I feel like that’s...that’s the theme of the show maybe? They’re here to save people and they’ll do what they have to to do that? In a world that clearly establishes a dark vs. light/good vs. evil dichotomy, the Winchester make it their job to live in a world of grey? Basically? 

Next on the checklist for this first season of Supernatural - it’s spoopy. *Spoop mileage may vary.* I said it last time, but I’ll say it again: this first season aired at 9:00pm at night. That means it’s primetime stuff for the 18 - 25 year old crowd, but they don’t want to risk some 13 year old watching it and getting too scared before bed. 9:00pm is X Files time slots, Fringe time slots. 9:00pm says you’re gonna get something a little more gruesome and gory and shocking than at 8pm. 8pm is for Friends. Vampire Diaries aired at 8pm its first season. 9pm is for the real adult content (but not too adult because the audience is still mostly children). 

SPOOP!

But yeah, let’s look at the real horror vibe that you get off of these first four episodes. We talked about La Llorona from the first episode - this is a legit ghost that they fight. The kids at the end that literally drag their mom to hell? Pretty spooky stuff. The Wendigo in episode 2 is a literal monster of the week and so for me personally, it’s not that scary, but it is a cannibal monster that eats human flesh. Dead in the Water has vibes from both Jaws and Friday the 13th. Everything from the lighting to the sound design let’s you know this is a horror show, or as horror as you can get on network television. Listen to the scenes just before somebody dies and you get a nice creepy “Come play with me” whisper coming out of the water. I’m a little spooked just thinking about it now. Yes I know I’m a chicken, and I’m OK WITH THAT. And if we go past my season 1 disc 1 into episode 5, Bloody Mary is STILL terrifying and I STILL watched that episode with half my face covered. That’s where I am these days. It’s 2020 and the world is a nightmare but imagining Bloody Mary creepin’ out in my mirror does not need to be a part of it. 

SHE F*CKIN CLIMBS OUT OF THE MIRROR GUYS! I DIDN’T KNOW SHE COULD DO THAT!!!

Then we get Phantom Traveler and our very first case of black-eyed-demonic possession. Watching this episode now, it’s like watching someone’s home movie of their first steps as a baby. They’ve never even done an exorcism before guys! They have to read the exorcism rite out of the journal! It’s so cute!!! Let’s not think too hard about how they got that full sized bottle of holy water past TSA in a post-9/11 world. And try to ignore how poorly these special effects have aged - the smoke from the demon possession?? OMG! THIS EFFECT! I’m pretty sure I could make that effect with my first ever graphic design software on my, like, 2009 mac book pro. So cute and soooo good! I’m gonna leave that CG plane alone, they’re doing their best. 

SO cute and SOOO good!

You want to know what my favorite established staple of Supernatural season 1 is? The extras. LOOKIT these guys - 

Wendigo you have Cory Monteith who later goes on to star in Glee. 

You have Alden Ehrenreich, Debatable Han Solo, doing a lot of face work with very little dialogue. 

You have Gina Holden who is in SO. MANY. Spooky-type things! My personal favs are Blood Ties and Harper’s Island, but she’s in Fringe, she’s in the SAW franchise, she’s in the Final Destination franchise, she was in some deleted scenes on an episode of Teen Wolf! I LOVE seeing Gina Holden, anywhere she pops up. 

And speaking of Harper’s Island, you’ve also got Callum Keith Rennie who played John Wakefield in Harper’s Island, a show that was A+ Great and I highly recommend if you like Agatha Christie and/or murder mysteries. 

Honestly, Rennie looks like he’s about to murder a bitch in this episode of Supernatural, it is not a stretch to believe he’s a psycho killer.

Dead in the Water you’ve got Amy Acker, a regular in Joss Whedon and Whedon-adjacent type shows.

Good LORD, this wardrobe was SO 2000′s WB and it PAINED me.

And finally in Phantom Traveler, you have Jaime Ray Newman who also shows up in a lot of the shows that I like to watch. She was in Eureka, she was in Midnight Texas, both kind of terrible shows that I love because they are terrible, but she was ALSO in Bates Motel and Veronica Mars, which are generally considered to be more quality, so there’s that. 

This still implies that they actually LIT scenes, which is a SURPRISE TO ME. 

Point is, seeing these actors in Supernatural back in the early 2000’s felt like I was seeing the start of their careers. That may or may not have been the case, but as a viewer it was exciting to see them pop up again in other things.

So what about TV now? Do we still use those first 6 (sometimes more) episodes to re-establish the premise? Well, it certainly hasn’t gone away. Look at any network show that still produces 22 - 24 episodes a season and you’ll still see that the pilot season just keeps re-iterating the premise established in the pilot episode, specifically in anything that’s procedural - that’s you’re monster/problem-of-the-week shows. Think sitcoms like Brooklyn 99 or Superstore or dramedies like Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. The reason being that these shows play in the traditional model of television - on a network, once a week. They are not releasing episodes all at one time or relying on their audiences to stream a whole season in one sitting. These are shows that still assume that someone out there is going to tune in or stumble across their show one night while they’re surfing channels (lol) and need to be told, no matter what episode they’ve just turned on, what the premise of the show is. They need to be formulaic so that people can pick it up anywhere at any time.

But what about shows that don’t follow this traditional model? I mentioned in my last post that seasons are getting shorter and shorter, so when you’re writing a show that only has (8) episodes instead of 22, how much time do you really want to spend establishing the premise? Because of these short seasons, you’re also dealing with shows that are more serialized and less procedural than their predecessors - meaning, you’re dealing with a show that focuses on a season long story (think Game of Thrones or Stranger Things where each episode is an important chapter that you can’t skip) vs. a procedural (think the shows I mentioned above or any cop drama really) where each episode is it’s own contained story, neatly wrapped up at the end. These are shows where you can skip an episode and still know where you are in the show no matter where you start or stop watching. Supernatural is a little bit of both - procedural with their monsters of the week AND serialized with a season long arc. We’ll talk more on that in a later post. 

Not only are we getting shorter seasons, but we’re also dealing with shows that are not released over long periods of time. A few streaming channels, like Disney+ and HBO Max, make a deliberate point to slow-drip their seasons, but most streaming channels will release entire seasons in one shot. You don’t need to worry about your audience missing an episode because they have 24/7 access to all the episodes all at once. And for the most part, they’re designed to be binged. They start at full speed and they don’t slow down to keep driving you to the finale. 

Do I think the procedural is ever going to go away? No. As much talk as there is about dropping the cop drama from TV all together, I think audiences still love a good mystery series. And you can’t just think of procedurals as cop dramas either - a procedural also covers most if not all sitcoms. New Girl, Letterkenny, Parks and Rec, Superstore - these all have a premise that doesn't change from week to week. They may make tiny shifts away from what they set up in the pilot, but by and large, you know what you’re getting into any time you turn on an episode. I think we as an audience still like that kind of familiarity. We may be seeing a bigger swing towards more serialized content, but that doesn't mean that the procedural is dead and gone. 

So that’s what we’ve got for Supernatural - two dudes, driving around in a car full of spears and hand guns, killing bad guys. Some day, they may even find that father that’s missing. What could possibly go wrong? A lot. Stay tuned. 

[vonlipvig]

Survivor Winners at War Ep 11 Recap

In this episode, it’s Tony’s world and we’re just living in it.

So after that TC in ep 10, Jeremy is very much in hot water, but what’s REALLY important right now is that it’s time to UNLEASH THE TONY.

Tony’s been pretty chill so far this season (I mean, apart from the ladder of death and all that shit, but gameplay wise). And it’s definitely been working out, cause we saw him in Game Changers, and that all-out Cagayan type of play was not gonna help him at the beginning. But now? When people are kinda not that suspicious anymore?

TIME TO KICK IT UP A NOTCH, BABEY.

While everyone is sleeping, Tony goes to try to find an idol...AND THEN NICK APPEARS FROM THE CORNER OF THE SHOT, GODDAMN THE EDITORS DJFDHFJ. Anyway, Tony just tells him to go look somewhere he already looked, and when he has the place to himself...

TONY IDOL, BABEY!

Which is awesome, cause you know that if he has an idol--an extra layer of protection--shit’s definitely gonna get more chaotic in the future!

Then we get some cute moment with Sarah PUTTING OUT A FASHION SHOW? I LOVE HER SO MUCH MY GOD. And you have Kim and Michele walking the runway and it’s such a funny moment and just...really good (let’s hope that boosts Sarah’s social game, which is already pretty good tbh).

Then it’s back to TonyLand, because now he’s going undercover, baby! Time to infiltrate Jeremy’s alliance so they think he’s with them! 

Jeremy actually buys it, he def trusts him, but Kim...

Nah, she ain’t buying it. I love her.

Back on the Edge, Natalie and Parv find a bottle with clues to their next sellable item, which ends up being under the shelter (They literally have to wait until everyone is going to “see the sunset” YEAH THERE’S NOTHING ELSE TO DO FKJFGKJ), and there they find...

Extortion Advantage! Now, of course we don’t know what that is, but sounds cool! Turns out it blocks a person from playing the challenge and voting if they don’t pay the amount of fire tokens specified, and THANK GOD they decide to give it to the one person that’s gonna make SURE it makes good TV...

Yeah, of course it’s Tony.

(Little pause here to mention that OMFG FANS REALLY DID CALL NICK VAMPIRE, IT’S NOT JUST ME. THEY CALLED HIM EVIL DONATHAN VAMPIRE I’M DFJHDFJKH).

Anyway, Tony gets the Extortion Advantage, and BOY is he excited to do some crime!...until he finds that HE’S the one that’s being extorted.

Six fire tokens? In this economy!?

So he has to pay somehow, but he only has three tokens, and here’s where it gets good. Tony--amazing, hilarious Tony that he is--just goes “hey, lemme go ask for tokens from the alliance that I’m infiltrating!” and HSDJFHHF WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY.

First he goes to Michele, but Michele has no tokens, cause she bought the 50/50 thing. Of course she makes up a lie (cause you’re not gonna tell someone you have an idol), and says she bought an advantage for the return challenge if she gets voted out, which...respectable lie, tbh, could be believed.

The Michele goes and tells Jeremy, and Jeremy of course wants to help cause if Tony can’t vote then that’s one less number for his “alliance”. Four tokens, two more to go!

Now Tony goes to his “real alliance” (I love how his double agent trick ended up actually helping him here, lmao), and gets Nick and Ben to give him one token each. And just like that, Tony’s got it! The power of being “friends” with everyone!

After that it’s time for the challenge (the one where they balance a statue on the end of a pole, but horizontally, y’know?) and HOLY FUCK, TONY CHALLENGE BEAST ERA HAS BEGUN! Let’s go Tony!

Back to the scrambling. So, Kim and Denise are kinda willing to blindside Jeremy with the other alliance (split with Michele), while Jeremy seems to think they’re with him, with Tony, to vote out Ben. 

But Tony is safe, and if Tony is safe you know it’s gonna get chaotic. So he wants to take that advantage and blindside Sophie, cause she’s too close with Sarah (and here I’m screaming because NOT MY GIRLSSSSS). So he convinces Nick, of course he has Jeremy (in the end he WAS with Jeremy, lmao) and of course Michele, to go with the Sophie plan.

And in the end, it works! And aaaaaa Sophie’s like “GODDAMN IDOL IN MY POCKET!” and like, I feel her! But yeah, it was a total blindside, there was no way she was gonna sniff that one out.

(Also, her getting to the Edge like “I’m sad” GIRLIE I’M SUPER SAD TOO)

But next ep...oh I need some Revenge!Sarah. Also, SPY NEST!?

[gallyg]

Doing the Whole 30 challenge in one post like it’s 2012 again

I like doing these in chunks and my wife is busy so this is what I will do to entertain myself.

1. Sam is so much better than Dean. Dean is a dickwad, and his character arc has never rang as true to me as Sam’s.

2. My favorite episode is hard to say, but I think it might be the season 14 finale. I don’t care what other fans say, God has always been a negligent monster in Supernatural, so I loved seeing Sam and Dean turn on him while also boldly evolving into metafiction that goes beyond comedy. Plus the Jack storyline is just heartbreaking.

3. Favorite season is probably like, 1 or 2, but atm I’m loving the Dabb era, so I’m tempted to just go ahead and say season 14 or 15. (13 was dreadful aside from Jack though)

4. Jack is the best character, SAM INCLUDED. He is the spark of heart this stale constipated shit of a show needed, and he finally forced the character dynamics to evolve somewhat for the first time in like half a decade. I love how innocent Jack is and how much trouble he has navigating the world when he’s the only creature like himself in the universe.

5. Rowena is the best female character. For a decade, it was Bela, but Rowena got the redemption arc Bela deserved. I don’t know if it’s because the fanbase has just matured past bullying every girl that gets near the Winchesters or what, but I’m glad they didn’t unceremoniously ditch Rowena like cowards.

6. All the actors do a fine enough job but Jim Beaver is clearly the one who treats it the most like a craft.

7. Are there good angels? They’ve been cannon fodder for so long, it’s hard to remember. I liked Gabriel a lot before he came back. I guess Balthazar is still a genuine treat and helps make season 6 the sloppy success that it is. I even think his death was well-earned and served the plot well, which is rare for this show. I just wish he was more of a weight on Castiel’s conscience after he’s murdered instead of being wholly forgotten until the season 13 AU.

8. Crowley ruined Supernatural for a long time. It’s hilarious that the premise of his character in season 5 was “what if a demon was genuinely helpful? why would they be?” and then they totally abandoned that idea for six years. His relationship with the Winchesters changed in a totally nonsensical way at the start of season 6, and he never really justified his place as King of Hell. It felt like he was just there to be a reason for them to fight demons for 10 years too many instead of coming up with new interesting plots.

9. Apocalypse World Michael is the only villain who I get and sympathize with. Of course he’d feel betrayed by God. Of course he’d take it out on humanity. He’s Lucifer but without the convoluted in-universe backstory that doesn’t gel with the lore you’re just supposed to assume.

10. The best Misha character is the Leviathan legion. Perfectly creates a tone of menace, sets up the conflict of the season, then explodes, which also kills Castiel and gave me a few blissful months where I thought we’d be free of the writers struggling to keep Castiel at a balanced power level without taking up too much storytelling economy (they finally got it eventually).

11. Best character intro is Castiel. Of course it is. If Supernatural ended at season 4 or 5 or even 6, we’d forever remember that intro as the moment the show fearlessly decided to become Epic.

12. Only episode of Supernatural that scared me was Hookman and just because I watched it in the dark at 3am when I was 15.

13. The best Bobby scene is, obviously, when he tearfully tells Sam that it was just the demon talking in season 5′s intro. He’s family, and he’s never cutting him out, not ever.

14. Ruby 1.0.  Katie Cassidy is a good actress who can actually make you doubt her motives and also believe she is a demon and not an actress on the set of a TV show. “You deserve hell, Dean Winchester! I wish I could be there to hear you scream!”

15. Yeah, I teared up at Swan Song.

16. Ruby is the only demon who has ever been interesting. Her appearance in the Empty kinda retconned some of her depth, but that can’t erase the great times we had, back in season 3 and 4.

17. The only ship that matters is Sam/Eileen because it’s the only couple that has genuine empathy for each other that isn’t drowning in bullshit emotional repression that got old ten years ago.

18. I love Amy Pond! This might contribute to why I don’t like Dean much, even if he was never my favorite anyway.

19. No comment.

20. Remember when Jack when to his grandma’s house looking for emotional support because he was in unprecedented distress and all he got was yelled at? Fucking christ, Jack’s whole season 14 arc fucked me up.

21. No comment. 

22. There’s some small thing I like in every season, but the whole Jeremy Carver era was dreadful and actually made me stop watching until I heard about Jack and thought he sounded like a cool character (he is)

23. 

24. I actually like the Ghostfacers webisode a lot

25. Hot take as a classic SPN fan, but season 15′s premier was astounding. You can sense the whole time as they’re dealing with the ghost apocalypse that it can’t be this easy. They’re fooling themselves if they think God will let them off with one last simple case with just one more sacrifice, because the audience wouldn’t ever be satisfied with that. We want more sacrifice, more suffering for these characters. Every issue solved before the end is promise of more nightmares. There will be peace when you are done. Not a god damn second before.

26. Nobody is as good as Jack, none of them need to come back. 

...

...

Just kidding, bring back Lisa, or Ben, preferably both, but if I must pick one, then it’s Ben. That’s Dean’s kid, even if not biologically. Dean needs to grapple with what he did, abandoning him.

27. “I used to be a psychic. I’m not anymore, at least I don’t think.” BRING BACK SAM’S POWERS HE SHOULD STILL HAVE AT LEAST SOME FROM THE DEMON BLOOD HE DRANK IN SEASON 5. 

28. “Bitch.” *eyes widen in horror as he realizes he just called a teenage girl a bitch, context be damned*

29. I do not care about Meg.

30. The best season finale is 5 or 14. It all depends on how season 15 finishes. Which finale will be sullied worse in hindsight?

[gffa]

Scattered Star Wars Thoughts: - I’m about two thirds of the way through Empire’s End and I’m once again sad that we haven’t gotten anything like this in awhile--stuff happens in these books, the huge, big, galactic-level stuff happens!  The Battle of Jakku!  Rae Sloane vs Gallius Rax!  The bombing of the New Republic ceremony!  Mon Mothma’s struggles to keep the New Republic afloat and her political enemies trying to take her down! Sure, I love the books for the ragtag team I came to know and love, it’s still one of the top tier groups of new characters, but it’s also that stuff happens in this book, I get a good, strong look at the events that shape the galaxy in this era.  I suspect (even though I have no proof) that SW deliberately moved away from this kind of thing, because they were filling up the space too quickly, there soon wasn’t going to be much room left for any kind of big events, between this and Bloodline, especially if they ever wanted to set a show or movie in that era. I sometimes half-wonder if we’re heading for another reboot after awhile, because they’ll want to free up some space or if we’re just going to get more “away from the main action” stories.  Which I wouldn’t mind, if they were more like Spark of the Resistance because that was one of my favorite books of recent times, where it didn’t have to have a big impact, it could be a cute space adventure, but it was about characters I desperately wanted to have more interaction with. I guess that’s what was missing from Alphabet Squadron for me, that the new character stuff was SO GOOD, but Hera’s role really could have been filled by anyone.  Empire’s End is giving us Han and Leia and Mon character moments, but a lot of them don’t have to be about the big galactic stuff, they can be little mini-adventures set between the bigger ones. On the other hand, the comics seem to be filling that niche more than the novels, and the comics are so good that I’m kind of fine with the priority seeming to be on them--even if I don’t think that’s intentional.  (Or maybe it’s just me vastly preferring the comics over the novels, it seems like that’s where the good stuff is happening, imo.) Anyway. Empire’s End.  I really do love this trilogy in a way that, looking back, is a lot sharper than a lot of what I’ve been feeling re: current SW.  I wish Wendig would get another crack at writing SW, whether for these characters or someone else.  And that the Bens would come back and write more, too.  I was skimming over their From a Certain Point of View story and thinking about Join the Resistance! and I MISS THOSE STORIES. - I am doing pretty good at keeping up with my rewatch getting finished before the new season of TCW happens, I’m down to 1.8 episodes per day to reach my goal!  :D Between that and the way I’ve been booking it through other stuff (it’s been so cold out lately that I don’t go out much, so I have more time to watch stuff) that I’m already a quarter of the way through my 2020 Resolutions list! - I just saw Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej, and Steven Lim launched Watcher and have a handful of videos up, so I’ll have those to watch, I also have a bunch of shows (Barry and Patriot mostly) waiting in the wings for when I finish with TCW, and of course more of The Untamed, and, well, THANK GOD SW IS QUIET RIGHT NOW, because it’s getting to be a bit Much.  In a good way, but still!  /wanted to grump - I finished the current season of Grace & Frankie and I really liked the first 3-4 episodes, I got a bunch of IRL LOLs out of them, but about halfway through the season it lost steam for me and the ending just felt weird, like, “Why are we going down this same path again?  What was the point of that sub-plot?” and it just felt unfocused to me. I feel like, by this point, we’re six seasons in, Grace and Frankie lying about stuff from each other feels very, very retread, especially when Grace and Nick have talked about this before, that sometimes she has to choose him, not just Frankie all the time, and this storyline sort of ended up in a place that seemed to contradict that, and it does help to view this through the lens of Grace still has decades of lying and secrets as routine to recover from, she’s going to backslide, and I’m down for that, but I feel like this just didn’t quite acknowledge that it was part of a pattern she’s still working on, rather than ignoring that it comes with context of stuff that’s already happened in the show. I’m also losing my patience with a lot of the romantic partners drama on the show, like, I think they’ve been on a slow drive towards Coyote/Mallory for awhile and I hate it, I really don’t get any kind of spark between Frankie and Jack, Joan-Margaret and the guy she picked to marry didn’t have enough of a spark to make that storyline all that fun, Principal Dan being weird by the end was just *SIGH* (all the more so because I want Mallory to be with someone who Is Not Coyote).  I do very much still love Barry/Brianna, I feel like the show does better at Brianna Is An Onion You Have To Peel Her Back In Layers, so going over similar ground makes sense.  And I actually enjoyed Coyote/Jessica, they’re adorable, but it’s hard to get invested when I don’t think it’ll last.  I actually really enjoy Bud/Allison and their mutual failboating conversation about their first times was delightful to watch.  But I also sort of feel like I’m getting exhausted on Robert/Sol, it didn’t feel like there was any idea what to do with them this season, so they just sort of threw a bunch of things at the wall to see what would stick.  Robert being like, “NO THIS IS A BAD IDEA” while Sol and Allison researched Bud’s family history was hilarious, MORE LIKE THAT, less of them keeping secrets from each other like that entire local theater storyline.  Or even Sol’s health thing, which brought out different approaches to quality vs length of life at their age, that was a much more interesting story. I guess I wouldn’t mind retreading the same ground quite so much, if it felt like they were aware of it being part of a bigger whole, rather than just doing the same thing again, or if it felt like it was going somewhere (I think this is why I liked the Brianna/Barry stuff, it feels like it’s going somewhere), but that doesn’t mean the cast isn’t still delightful and the show isn’t still an absolute delight.  It never feels flat or like they’re Flanderizing the characters, the human moments are still there and very genuine.  (Grace and the other young wives was one of my favorite moments of the season!  It was such a lovely, warm, human resolution.)  The cast still delivers everything beautifully and they’re retreading these stories for a reason--though, I can’t lie, I’m curious to see what the final season has, in the way of a shake-up of the usual dynamics, as well as some more permanent resolution, one assumes. It still remains one of my favorite shows whenever it comes back! Scattered Star Wars Thoughts/2020 Resolutions Update: - Star Wars: The Clone Wars s3e02-20 Current total:  41/260 Scattered Everything Else Thoughts/ 2020 Resolutions Update: - Watchmen s01e01-09 - Bob’s Burgers s10e11 - The Good Place s04e11 - Grace & Frankie s06e01-13 Current total:  86/260 Star Wars Fic Recs 2020 Resolutions Update Current total written:  81/520

[aion-rsa]

Best Marvel Comics to Binge Read on Marvel Unlimited

https://ift.tt/2UR4Tzi

With an enormous swath of the world involved in varying degrees of social distancing, many of us suddenly find ourselves with a lot of time on our hands. Never fear! There are more options for streaming comics than ever before, and that means we have access to more of comics history, more hidden gems, and more epochal runs than ever before. But the variety of options to read can be daunting. That’s why we’ve put together a recommendation list of some of our favorite comics binge reads to help you through quarantine. Marvel Unlimited has been around for more than a decade. It runs about six months behind print release of books, so it’s a good way to stay sorta-current with the stories you love. But the real draw is the back catalog: with 25,000 issues in its library, you’ve got access to some of the most important and most entertaining runs of superhero books of all time. From Lee and Kirby creating the modern superhero comic in the pages of Fantastic Four through Chris Claremont and John Byrne revolutionizing the X-Men, and through several Wars (Secret, Infinity, or Civil), everything is here. 

You don’t need us to tell you to read some of these stories. You know “The Dark Phoenix Saga,” Kraven’s Last Hunt, “Demon in a Bottle,” or Jonathan Hickman’s behemoth are all important and good. And some of them, Marvel’s even giving you for free. We’re going to skip over some of the obvious ones and point you towards hidden gems, the harder to find stories that fill in the edges of the Marvel Universe and make it such a rich, lush experience. We are also looking for monster runs that will keep you occupied – you can read six issues in one sitting with no danger of nearing the end. Some of these might take you an entire round of social distancing to finish. 

A quick note about the reading guides: We’ll list out the issue numbers for most of these. Many of them may have their own separate entry under Marvel Unlimited’s reading lists – those are helpful, but these are definitive. One of them, we’re going to refer you to the events – to find those, you can go to “Browse”, then scroll over to “Comic Events.” And for one of these, we’re linking to the inordinately helpful Comic Book Herald. They’re a great site for comic reading orders in general, and have helped me through several other binge reads before. 

Walt Simonson’s Thor

Thor (1966) #337-360, Balder the Brave (1985) #1, Thor #361-362, Balder the Brave #2-4, Thor #363-382

This probably shouldn’t be on the list. It is in the conversation for the greatest runs on any superhero comic ever. But if you’ve never read it, you’re truly missing out.

If you watched Thor: Ragnarok and loved how it looked or any of its story, chances are you are going to adore this, the run that Ragnarok borrowed so much from. Walter Simonson took the Asgard realized by Jack Kirby, the mythological realm pumped full of color and Kirby dots, and turned everything way up to create the most iconic Thor run of all time. Simonson started the run on art before handing off to Sal Buscema, and Simonson and Buscema are two of the artists I could recognize by style the soonest. Everything is HUGE. 

Read more

Movies

Thor Comics Reading Order: Ragnarok for Beginners

By Marc Buxton

Movies

Thor: Love and Thunder Release Date, Cast, and Story Details

By Mike Cecchini and 1 other

It’s paced immaculately, with whatever story is in the foreground holding your complete attention, but always with something drip drip dripping in the background that will eventually crescendo. This run made so many characters wonderful, but Loki, Volstagg, and Beta Ray Bill are highlights. And have I mentioned the art? It’s incredible, and doesn’t suffer one bit when Buscema takes over. This is my favorite run on any comic of all time. You absolutely must read it. 

X-Men: the Messiah Cycle

Messiah CompleX, Messiah War, and X-Men: Second Coming

The hottest take you’re going to find on the internet today is this: the Messiah Cycle is the best era of X-Men comics. It has everything I want from the X-Men line: books have distinct voices and missions, but contribute to the overarching direction of the line. There IS an overarching direction to the line. New characters are brought to the front, and new ideas are injected into the line.

Read more

Comics

First New Marvel X-Men Crossover Revealed

By Jim Dandy

TV

X-Men: The Animated Series – The Essential Episodes

By Michael Mammano

You get all of that from the Messiah era. Messiah CompleX picks up with Cerebro identifying the first mutant birth in years; Messiah War has the members of the Mutants with Claws and Swords era X-Force heading to the future to check up on that baby; Second Coming is when she returns to present day. Each one has a different tone; Messiah CompleX and Second Coming bring together every book in the line to tell their stories, but also let each creative team keep telling their stories and end up being the best-handled X-crossovers since Inferno. And Second Coming is the best straight action X-book I think I’ve ever read. 

If you like these crossovers, you should absolutely check out other books from this era. Utopia X, a crossover between Uncanny X-Men and Dark Avengers, is amazing, as is Duane Swierczynski and Ariel Olivetti’s Cable and Zeb Wells’ New Mutants.

Mark Gruenwald’s Captain America

Captain America (1968) #307-422, 424-443

Full confession: this is my current binge read. After years of hearing about how wonderful Gruenwald’s Cap was, I finally decided to jump in and within three issues, I was texting people to scream at them for not forcing me to read it sooner. For starters, the goddamn Serpent Society turns into a union. In fact, the Serpent Society’s union meeting is the most fun I’ve had reading a comic scene in a while, and the fact that it is based on a real meeting of comic book creators from 1978 makes it both more accurate sounding and HILARIOUS (I think Constrictor is Gil Kane, when you read it).

Read more

Comics

Avengers: Endgame – The History of Captain America’s Climactic Moment

By Gavin Jasper

Movies

Captain America Comics Guide and Reading Order

By Mike Cecchini

But the real appeal is how much movie Cap is based on this era. Gruenwald’s Steve Rogers is a really nice guy. Everybody loves him, everyone respects him, and there’s not a lick of condescension or mean spiritedness about anything he does, from sparring with Black Knight to taking on a gang of criminal jugglers with Hawkeye to trying to help joke villains like Rocket Racer. He’s also extremely competent, and Gruenwald and artist Paul Neary do an incredible job of showing this, as Cap breaks into the West Coast Avengers’ headquarters while trying to figure out, through his jet lagged brain, what day it is. It only gets bigger and more traditionally superhero as it goes on, with artistic contributions from the likes of Kieron Dwyer, Ron Lim, and others.

You’ll see even more of this run’s influence in Marvel’s The Falcon and The Winter Soldier TV series on Disney+, as it introduces key characters who we’ll see on screen there, so get reading, and pay attention!

Runaways 

Runaways (2017) #1-current

Rainbow Rowell’s current run as writer on Runaways captures the Marvel spirit better than just about any comic coming out right now. It’s a masterful mix of superheroics, joyful immersion in Marvel continuity, and soapy teenage drama. A lot of people are doing good work at Marvel right now, but nobody is hitting these notes as consistently well as this crew. 

This book is remarkably accessible for something so steeped in its own history. If you’re new to comics, or if you’re here because of the Hulu show, you’ll find plenty to love. But if you liked the original series from Brian K. Vaughan and Adrian Alphona, you’re going to be shocked at how much this feels like if that same book had never ended. Even though the characters have grown and changed substantially, their voices are distinct and seamless. This is one of my favorite Marvel comics being published right now, and once you’re all caught up, make sure you add it to your pull list at your shop.

Darth Vader

Darth Vader (2015) #1-12, Star Wars: Vader Down #1, Darth Vader #13, Star Wars (2015) #13, Darth Vader #14, Star Wars #14, Darth Vader #14-25

Remember that moment in Rogue One where Vader just kicked the shit out of everyone without looking like he was trying? And how everyone squealed in delight at old, force of nature, badass villain Darth Vader being back? If you were reading the comics at the time, that moment had already happened for you a full 18 months before the movie came out, in Darth Vader #6. 

Read more

Comics

Star Wars Canon Timeline in Chronological Order

By Megan Crouse and 1 other

Movies

Star Wars: Darth Vader’s Best Moments from the Marvel Comics

By Marc Buxton

This entire series is Vader killing everything he can. It’s like watching a space tornado. What’s especially surprising, though, is how Kieron Gillen manages to sneak some important character development into the book. While Vader slices through Sith intrigue and Rebel scum and the entire royal line of a mining planet and a bunch of others, we’re also learning about why he’s the way he is. This series takes place between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back, so some of the lines that get filled in add to the rest of the OT as well. There have been several very good Star Wars comics since Marvel got the license back, but this run on Darth Vader is the best. 

Ultimate Spider-Man 

Ultimate Spider-Man saved Marvel Comics. Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Bagley didn’t do it with flashy variants or crossovers. They did it by telling good, pure, core Spidey stories. 

It’s hard to separate Peter’s origin from Ultimate Spider-Man from Peter’s origin in the 616. The Ultimate origin is so definitive and iconic in how it fills in the spaces between the necessary beats. Bagley’s art especially – even now, thinking about this series that I haven’t read in forever, I can still pull up Peter jumping over Norman’s car, or MJ’s face when she and Peter have “the talk.” 

Read more

Movies

How Shifting MCU Release Dates Could Impact Spider-Man 3

By Don Kaye

Movies

Spider-Man 3 Story Is “Absolutely Insane” Says Tom Holland

By Kirsten Howard

For the absolute best, and purest this book can be, just read the first 38 issues, ending with the first Venom arc, but the book stays solid for its entire run. Bendis’ work with both Peter Parker and Miles Morales is my favorite work of his career, especially when Miles joins the cape world, but nothing will ever match just how fantastic these first few arcs of Ultimate Spider-Man are.

The Annihilation Era

Annihilation, Annihilation: Conquest, War of Kings, Realm of Kings, and The Thanos Imperative

You will be hard pressed to find better comic book space opera than the Abnett/Lanning era of Marvel’s cosmic characters. Marvel’s cosmic line was an afterthought when these first started coming out. By the end, it was a widely beloved corner of the Marvel Universe that was popular enough to be mostly transcribed whole by the movies.

Read more

Movies

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3: Cast, Release Date, Director, Story, and News

By Mike Cecchini and 1 other

Comics

Guardians of the Galaxy Reading Order

By Gavin Jasper

The nice thing about this era of the cosmic line is how neatly the main books move from event to event. Annihilation tells the story of a cataclysm that befalls the universe, and how the remaining heroes – Nova, Star Lord, Silver Surfer, Drax, Gamora, Ronan the Accuser, and Super-Skrull, among others – fight a war to survive. Rich Rider gets his own solo Nova comic from there, and it leads right into Annihilation: Conquest, about the catastrophe that follows in Annihilation’s wake. It also sees the formation of the Guardians of the Galaxy as we know them and launches their book, before tying both comics together in War of Kings where the Shi’ar and Kree empires collide. Realm of Kings is the aftermath of that war (and has one of my favorite Shi’ar Imperial Guard stories of all time), and that leads directly into the conflict that mostly closes out the era, The Thanos Imperative. This is a great introduction and immersion in Marvel’s cosmic universe, and will have you hooked by the halfway point of the first crossover.

Black Panther

Black Panther (1998) #1-22, Deadpool (1997) #44, Black Panther #23-62

There are certainly better parts to this run, but there is a scene where Namor, T’Challa, Doctor Doom, and Magneto stand around an apartment outside of the United Nations shouting at each other about diplomacy, and to this day I still have not found a comic book more specifically designed for my interests than this one. 

Read more

Movies

Black Panther 2 Cast, Release Date, Villain, Story, and News

By Mike Cecchini

Movies

Best Black Panther Comics: An Essential Reading Guide

By Jim Dandy

Priest is one of the sharpest minds ever to write comics. He’s so good at misdirection and storytelling – he will overwhelm you with style and flash, and you won’t even notice the subtle clues he’s dropping, or the way themes and characters weave together to show key parts of the story. This run on Black Panther is probably the definitive one for the character, and contributed a ton to the movie version, but there’s so much more depth (and humor!) that Priest puts into the Marvel Universe that it’s very worth reading.

Incredible Hercules

Hulk (1999) #106-112, Incredible Hercules (2008) #113-115, Hulk Vs. Hercules: When Titans Collide, Incredible Hercules #116-137, Assault on New Olympus Prologue, Incredible Hercules #138-141, Hercules: Fall of an Avenger #1-2, Heroic Age: Prince of Power #1-4, Chaos War #1-5

Greg Pak and Fred Van Lente are two of the best people writing comics right now. Each individually writes really good comics, but the two of them working together almost always put something special out. Incredible Hercules spun out of World War Hulk and came out better than it had any business being. 

Read more

Movies

Hulk Movies Marvel Should Make

By Marc Buxton

TV

Who is She-Hulk? A Guide to Marvel’s Next TV Star

By Gavin Jasper

Hercules exists in a unique place. Pak and Van Lente used him as a gateway to the mythology of the Marvel Universe – the Greek pantheon, but also the Norse pantheon, Japanese gods, Inuit gods, even Skrull deities. And several of these aren’t exclusive to Marvel, so you get a very clear and obvious statement about some of the differences between the Big 2 universes, some clever in-jokes, and the requisite moving story about godhood. This all comes with wonderful characterization, clever plotting and a great sense of humor. 

Nextwave: Agents of H.a.T.E.

Read Nextwave after you’ve read everything else, not because it’s a good capstone to your Marvel experience, but because it’s aggressively anti-continuity, and (lovingly) EXTREMELY disrespectful of the rest of the Marvel Universe. It’s also one of the funniest comics Marvel’s ever put out. 

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This whole story is Warren Ellis brutalizing superheroes. Boom Boom from X-Force, Monica Rambeau (sometimes Captain Marvel, sometimes Photon), Machine Man, monster hunter Elsa Bloodstone, and Captain &#($$&*#!@ (or The Captain) are brought together by the Highest Anti-Terrorism Effort (H.A.T.E.) to fight Unusual Weapons of Mass Destruction. It’s aggressive nonsense, less anti-continuity than acontinuitous which isn’t a word but also fits the spirit of the book – characters make no sense even from issue to issue, and only serve the plot, but that nonsense later serves the plot. And it is an absolute tour de force from Stuart Immonen, who draws every type of comedy you can imagine – slapstick, absurdity, somehow sarcasm, puns – with incredible layouts and storytelling. This is not a good Marvel comic, but it is an incredible comic book that you’re going to love.

The post Best Marvel Comics to Binge Read on Marvel Unlimited appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[virmillion]

Ibytm - T minus 48 seconds

Masterpost - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - ao3

Words: 2,053

Logan hisses gently as he pulls the bowl of popcorn from the microwave, setting it on the counter as fast as he can manage to shake the burning feeling from his fingers. “Popcorn’s done!”

“Great, now come pick a stupid show already, so I don’t feel like I’ve wasted my Friday,” Virgil calls back. Remembering to check his pride this time, Logan scoops up the bowl with two objectively safer napkins and peers around the corner of the kitchen wall.

Virgil’s head just barely peeks over the top of the couch, a tuft of pale purple hair sticking out opposite the rest. Beyond him is a daunting list of movies and shows scrolling beneath the Netflix logo. A fifteen second trailer loops for the movie Wreck-It Ralph, but Virgil stubbornly refuses to press play. The tuft of hair vanishes as Virgil leans forward and clears off a space on the table for the popcorn bowl.

“Careful, ’s hot,” Logan warns, dropping the bowl on the open spot.

“Noted.” Virgil, after acknowledging Logan’s words (which really ought to be heeded), proceeds to completely ignore them in favor of grabbing more than a fair fistful and popping the whole mess in his mouth. “Ha her he hah king?”

“You want to run that by me one more time?”

Virgil swallows around the lump of butter and grain with a grimace. “What’re we watching?”

“Great question. No more scary movies, you’re cut off from those, but that’s about our only parameter.”

“Puh- leez, it’s not my fault you couldn’t get to sleep last week. You’re the one that kept me up with nervous texts, ’member? I would’ve expected you to be grown up enough to survive watching Nightmare on Elm Street . Guess I was wrong, if laser tag was anything to go off of.”

“Laser tag was barely two months ago, and already you’re having delusions about my lacking bravery?”

“Hey, hey, you’re the astronaut in training here. I’m not the one with explicit and express intent to fly a hundred hours of pilot-in-command aircrafts before I turn twenty-seven.”

“A thousand hours, or three years of related professional experience. And if I want to break any records, it has to be before I’m twenty-six. Try to pay more attention when I lecture you about my internship next time.”

“I have to endure a next time?”

Logan shoots Virgil a pointed look, the effect of which is lost to the popcorn kernel lodged between his right molars. He prods at it with his tongue.

“In my defense,” Virgil continues, “this is pretty much the longest a relationship of mine has ever lasted.”

“Oh, is that what we’re calling it now?” Logan isn’t quite sure where all this bravado came from, but it’s doing wonders for keeping his voice even, so he won’t jinx it by digging deeper right now.

“It’s faster to say ‘relationship’ than ‘that dorky guy who hangs out at my apartment every Friday night to make fun of movies because we have nothing better to do as self-respecting adults,’ but I’ll gladly switch to that absurd and overly expository title if you prefer.”

A pout tries to crawl onto Logan’s face, which he promptly ignores. “Point taken. Did you pick a movie yet, or are you just that obsessed with watching a pixelated handyman smile on your television screen?”

“Neither. There’s no good bad movies left on here, so at this point, we’re better off watching something one of us has already seen—”

“Out of the question.”

“—watching nothing—”

“No thank you.”

“—or binging a series show.”

This gives Logan a moment’s pause. “That could work.”

“Right, because watching half an hour of an unending show every week without fail is how I want to spend my next three years’ worth of Fridays.”

“Well, why not?”

“What would we even watch? There’s, like, no serializations that normal people haven’t seen. Everybody’s watched The Office —”

“I haven’t.”

“— Brooklyn 99 —”

“I haven’t.”

“—and Parks and Rec .”

“I haven’t.”

Virgil slams the remote gown on the couch and gapes at Logan. “You haven’t seen Parks and Rec? ”

“Have you even been listening to a single word out of my mouth?”

“You are an absolute monster. You disgust me. We’re through, no more movie nights. I can’t hang out with someone whose true colors are so monochromatic.” Logan is not entirely certain whether Virgil is kidding at this point. “I’m kidding.” Logan is not entirely certain whether Virgil is about to add the caveat ‘mostly’ to that statement.

After an uncomfortably long silence wherein Logan looks absolutely anywhere that isn’t Virgil, the speakers proudly announce the sound of Leslie Knope introducing herself to a small child playing in a sandbox. “This isn’t very funny,” Logan murmurs. “I mean, what child would say they were having a moderate amount of fun and somewhat enjoying themselves to a stranger? I suppose I might if prompted, but still.”

“Shut up ,” Virgil hisses, “this part is hilarious, stop talking. ”

“Ha ha,” Logan says dryly. “I love watching drunks hide in swirly slides. Ha.”

“Shut up. ” This command is accompanied by Virgil swatting at Logan’s shoulder.”

“Well, hey, can’t we skip the theme song?” Logan is almost hoping he’ll say no, just so these movie nights can be that much longer. Series show nights, now.

“Nope, out of the question. Skipping the intro is cheating and an act of cowardice to the nth degree. Be quiet and enjoy the upbeat music.”

A few weeks later, Logan finds himself enjoying watching the theme song. Maybe it has something to do with how they’re sharing one bowl of popcorn, their fingers brushing against each other every so often, rather than Virgil hogging the whole thing for himself. Maybe it’s how their knuckles linger when they reach in at the same time, neither pulling away instantly, but neither vocalizing what’s happening. Maybe it’s how, when Virgil is distracted by people assuming Leslie is dating Ann, he absently lets their fingers link together loosely, too intentional to be a thoughtless mistake. When the scene shifts to some guy named Anthony waving, they both yank their hands away from each other. Logan swears he can feel his nerve endings burning.

Upon the premiere of season two, the distance between them has closed ever so slightly. Rather than being at opposite ends of a three cushion couch, Virgil leans on one armrest and Logan arranges himself on the next cushion over. And if Logan’s fingers wander over to Virgil’s when Leslie marries the two gay penguins (despite the popcorn being well out of reach on the table), and if they hold on long after the credits for the episode have passed, well, that’s nobody’s business but their own, isn’t it?

When the Galentine’s day episode rolls around, Logan has abandoned all pretenses of slowly inching closer, instead taking Virgil’s hand as soon as they’re both seated with their respective mugs. Both cheap water steepings from a broken keurig, of course, but at least they’re enjoying them together. Well, enduring, enjoying, same difference.

“Hey, that’s what you said the first time we went to the museum together!” Logan exclaims, watching the sweater swap moment between April and Andy. Okay, so he doesn’t really exclaim it, per se, so much as say it suddenly and without warning—it’d be rather difficult to literally exclaim it, what with his head resting heavy on Virgil’s shoulder and all.

“Oh, right, on our first date, you mean?”

“Our first what?”

For those of you keeping track at home, yes, Logan has managed to go about six months without realizing that their first date was, in fact, a date.

By the time Chris asks Tom and Jerry to come up with a new logo for the department, Logan is literally sitting in Virgil’s lap with an arm slung around his shoulders. You might liken the position to that of a koala, but then again, Logan didn’t ask you. Full disclosure, they started watching more than one episode a week somewhere along the line, but this was spurred in some part by the need for background noise while they packed everything Virgil owned into a small mountain of cardboard boxes.

“Something to celebrate the occasion?” Logan asks tentatively, holding up a bottle of champagne. This kitchen certainly looks much nicer than the last one, but the leniency of adding paint to these walls was a buffer Logan had sorely missed at Virgil’s old place.

“If you want,” Virgil replies, craning his head over the back of the couch. “But you’re paying damages if you spill it all over my clean floors.”

“Well, duh, I’m paying half the rent, of course I’d fund repairs.” Logan holds back what more he wants to mention, still wary of the sore spot surrounding Virgil’s careers.

“In that case, plop your butt down on the couch we need to replace—speaking of which, we need to figure out a day to descend on IKEA for some upgrades.” Virgil pats his lap and gestures toward the screen—longer and thinner, purchased with some of the funds they’d pooled from their respective savings when picking a place together. “Now, c’mon, we’re about to see the squad go to London. I know you’re all about the architecture over there, aren’t you?”

“As if you even need to ask.” Logan grins, plopping himself down on top of Virgil and whistling along with the theme song.

Living together, unsurprisingly, does wonders for powering through the last couple seasons at a much more efficient pace. In what seems like the blink of an eye, Logan is watching the futures of the main squad playing out as they do one last project, and it’s not a stretch to say he’s holding back tears. As the credits fade to black and The Office pops up as a recommendation to watch next, Logan lifts a hand to his cheek and is baffled to find it come away wet.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Virgil murmurs, slipping an arm around Logan’s back and rubbing circles on his arm. “This is the worst part, I know. You’ve never been this attached to fictional characters before, huh?” Logan hiccoughs. “Yeah, I got you, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

Between shuddering breaths that aren’t quite laughs, Logan manages to get out, “It’s like the end of an era. I don’t know, I mean, it’s really over.”

“Oh, I know, sweetie,” Virgil mumbles, pressing his lips against Logan’s hair. “It just means moving on, and I’ll be here for you through it all.” Slowly but surely, Logan’s hiccoughs turn into giggles as the ridiculousness of the situation dawns on him. Why should he be getting so emotional over the end of some tv show? He literally went into this knowing the series would have a finale. He says as much to Virgil.

“True, but we sank a couple years into this tradition. You’re allowed to mourn a tradition, even if you think it’s silly. There’s no rules for what you can or can’t grieve, and even if you lie to yourself enough to believe there are, I’ll be here to help you through it.”

“First off, you can’t spell believe without ‘lie,’ and second, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, hon. What would you get out of dealing with nonsense emotions?”

“Besides knowing I get to wake up every morning to see your face?” Virgil pretends to ponder this for a moment, only breaking into a grin when Logan elbows him in the side—not intentionally, mind you. It’s more of an effort to bury his nose in Virgil’s neck, but unfortunately for Logan, Virgil is ticklish right around there. He laughs loudly and announces, “I want the moon.”

“The moon?”

“The moon, spaceman.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll bring you the moon. Is that all?”

“One more thing.”

“One more thing besides the moon, you mean?”

“Well, yeah, you have to know how much the moon costs.”

“How much does the moon cost?”

“The stars.”

“The stars?”

“It’ll cost you the stars.”

Logan shakes his head and smiles, wrapping Virgil in a tight hug and drying his eyes against his boyfriend’s sleeve. His words are no doubt muffled, near unintelligible, but he’s sure Virgil can make it out well enough. “Okay, love. I’ll bring you the moon.”

[asagimeta]

References in The Deadfast Club/Devil’s Night

Forgive the 1 A.M. theory brain, I have some other things to do so this was, admittedly, only breifly researched, but there are two pop culture references that stood out to me in these two episodes the most- This Mortal Coil and The Breakfast Club

Wile most of Scream's references are, obviously, to horror movies- from Tony Todd, AKA Candyman being the Hook Killer, to the discussions of "Get Out" and Jordan Peele (hilariously, this season was filmed over two years ago and Jordan Peele just announced that he's doing a Candyman movie a couple of months back), these two were very prominent but not at all horror related

This Mortal Coil is the name of the book Beth is reading, wich is prominently displayed to the camera, but the only results I found with that name are to a musical group that ran in the 80s/90s, and a dystopian YA novel, neither of wich looked like the kind of book Beth was reading, wich looked like a classic- hard leather bound with no cover art, as opposed to the YA novel that's far more modern looking

The musical group is described as having "gothic, dream pop sound", with the first and last albums they produced sounding like they could relate to Scream as a franchise- "It'll End In Tears" and "Blood" could both easily relate to the series, but aside from that and having gothic leanings, I'm not sure what this reference could provide, especially in book format

The YA novel however is far more interesting

The YA novel is all about DNA- specifically, recoding DNA, allowing people to "change their bodies in any way they want", the book's primary theme also seems to be about trust- who you can trust, you can't, and if you can even trust yourself

If Deion's brother really IS alive and the killer, this could be a great easter egg for that

My trouble believing it is that Scream has always surprised us with the killer reveals, for the killer to be the most obvious suspect who was guessed in episode two seems shoddy, but far more than that, Scream is about defying tropes and expectations, as they did in the opening scene with little!Ghostface being the first victim rather than the pretty teenager, even exiting the "kill the girl" trope by killing a child- and a boy at that- for the first victim

Maybe this really is the era of changing Scream's narrative

Kym said herself that the this was a different genre of horror than what had been established before, where "we make our own rules", "we" referring to POC- specifically black, wich is a good distinction for her to have made, actually

Wile Jordan Peele and "Get Out" were the only ones directly referenced, horror starring black charectors is SIGNIFICANTLY different than horror starring white charectors, and often defies the typical white tropes- yes, Jordan Peele is an example, but also "The Intruder", "No Good Deed", "When The Bough Breaks", among other newer ones, but even older, classic horror has this distinction, specifically, Night Of The Living Dead breaks alot of horror tropes- especially for the era- and turns what could have been a basic zombie movie into a really social-political-laden message with a truly tragic ending

It's worth noting that of "The Deadfast Club" (a reference I'm about to go into later) only Manny and Beth are white, a great and stark contrast to most of these kinds of groups in movies

This iteration of Scream could be breaking some of the rules, and though Scream is known for breaking horror movie rules in general, it could be that, as this iteration is the first not to star a white protagonist, there's an effort being made to break even MORE rules- even some of the ones Scream it's self usually held dear, and one of those could be the very format, instead of spending the entire show wondering who the killer is, we find out in episode three or four who it is and spend the rest of the series just trying to defeat him- or even resolving the loose ends of his backstory somehow

I could go on about this more but it's now 2:15 so I'd better move on

The Breakfast Club is the other major reference that doesn't fit in with the typical horror movie jargon

In fact, it's so prominent that episode one is named "The Deadfast Club", the only title I know of to make a clear movie reference, and yet it isn't to a horror movie

It isn't like that's new, all of the second season episodes were named after horror films, but that's just it- HORROR films

Scream has only ever been about analyzing and breaking down the horror genre, I don't remember ever seeing a reference quite this big to anything non-horror in Scream before

That said, I'd like to pick at the meaning for this

Firstly, Manny is right, The Breakfast Club only had five roles and five stereotypes (although six charectors, I can't see yet how Manny could fit Vernon's role)

But here comes another interesting problem- wile it's true that Manny doesn't fit any of the five stereotypes... neither does Kym

The stereotypes fit the other four seamlessly

"The Princess"- Liv, Deion himself calls her an "It girl" "The Athlete"- Deion "The Brain"- Amir "The Criminal"- Beth

But that just leaves "The Basket-Case" and I don't think that can apply to Kym, unless the term is meant more affectionately in the movie (I wouldn't know, having not seen it) but I have a feeling that isn't the case, and even if it was, it still wouldn't fit, Kym is passionate sure, but I haven't seen anything that could make her suit a term like "crazy"- not to mention "basket case", only and simply "rebellious", but "criminal" certainly doesn't fit her either as, to my knowledge, she's never committed a crime

This leaves a pretty interesting opening- well, two interesting openings:

1. If Kym and Manny don't have roles to fill, will they be the two lone survivors? The writers had to put some thought into making these charectors fit to the stereotypes in order for The Deadfast Club to really work as a reference but purposely created Manny and Kym to oppose ALL of them, they could have just as easily created the two of them to simply "share" roles with the others, making Manny fit more of the "brain" role for example, but choosing not to means they want these two to stand out

And how convenient that they just so happen to be the only long-standing freinds in The Deadfast Club, the only ones not getting to know eachother for the first time

Ofcourse by the same factor this could mean they'll be the only two to die but that would suck on alot of levels

2. Far more importantly though, not only did the writers specifically care to create two charectors that didn't fit any roles... they also chose to have one role that didn't fit any of the charectors, unless you double up and label Beth as "the basket case" too, wich I don't personally buy- why would they bother doing that? Why not make a charector just for that role? Or atleast make it alluded to that Beth was both- then there's one role that doesn't have anyone in it

That's awfully strange, that's not just one, but two flaws for The Deadfast Club as a theme

Beth even tries labeling them all herself but when she gets to Kym, who she was obviously going to label "The Basket Case", Kym stops her, both refusing that label and refusing to be labeled at all- very significant

Heading back to our previous point on different types of horror, Beth herself claims that most of the group being black is an "instant kill", and wile LGBTQ+ people are scarce in horror, they're usually just as quickly murdered, the "Burry Your Gays" trope certainly didn't emerge from sitcoms after all

If Kym and Manny are the only survivors, that would be breaking a handfull of "horror rules" right there, and bring us full circle to Kym saying that "we make up our own rules"- plus, Deion is being given to us as the hero, and Liv was, as Beth said, "final girl material", we expect both of them to make it out alive because horror as a genre dictates that we should, but what if episode five gets here and it's Kym who becomes the hero?

I went off topic there but there's something more important about there not being a "basket case" role in the Deadfast Club, namely: What if there IS one and we don't know it yet? Namely, the killer?

There are two options with that:

1. The killer is an outsider who becomes involved with the Deadfast Club in some way down the line, sort of like how Shane was- who I was going to nominate for this before he was killed off- or is perhaps already connected to them (like Deion's brother) or...

2. The reason we don't have a clear basket case is because one of the Deadfast Club is the killer

In this case, it could be anyone

As Manny and Kym don't have labels, it could be one of them (thus filling the roles and leaving wichever one ISN'T the killer to be the Final Girl) or it could be one of the other four doubling up on labels like I suggested earlier on

If this is the case, my money is on Liv- as The Princess, she would be the least likely to be suspected, it would be a unique twist, and no one in the group would think to suspect her (except maybe Beth but she'll probably be killed right after coming to this conclusion)

Regardless of who it is, they'll have to do a new list in the last episode referencing the dead members, and the new discovery of their basket-case....

Believe me, I want to go into this SO much more, but it's 3 AM now and I still have other things to do, trust me though, tommorrow brings more Scream, and with luck, more theories as well!

[miraakhan]

10 reasons why Thugs of Hindostan failed

This is not a film review. This is a critique of all the unwarranted criticism Thugs has garnered, which has been so extreme that part of me wonders if it’s all somewhat premeditated. But conspiracy theories aside, nothing evokes such vitriolic more than challenging the Indian people’s implicit prejudices. Which ones? Well, where do I even start. Here are just the top 10 prejudices reasons why this perfectly acceptable movie is getting unacceptable levels of hate...

1.       Because Indians are racists

How many Pirates of the Caribbean movies did they make again? And how many of them flopped at the Indian box office? I assure you, nobody was complaining about ‘illogical’ stuff in those movies. Why, because those movies were made by white and not brown people? Mind you the same junta will go watch Guy Ritchie’s Robin Hood this weekend and come out all praise for its fantastical, logic-defying action sequences. But since he’s a gora, well.. as Khudabaksh Jahazi says – “Ek Hindustani ka sabse bada dushman ek Hindustani hi hota hai.” 

2.       Because Indians are sexists

There are two female protagonists in the movie. And needless to say that is just two too many for the patriarchal junta of India. How dare they have a female character who is not a damsel in distress, but instead is a terrific archer and kicks total ass?!? To top that, how dare they have the other one be a prostitute with clear agency over her body, a rebellious mind of her own, and wield actual power over her male patrons? Nope, that’s just too much for desi pricks to handle, isn’t it? Also, given Aamir’s very vocal support of the #MeToo movement in India, I won’t be surprised if the social media attack on the movie was an orchestrated effort to hurt him for it.

3.       Because Indians are ageists

This is a country that clearly still idolizes youth and still hasn’t seen life expectancy go up like in the developed world. So how ridiculous to have a septuagenarian play one of the leading heroes, isn’t it?!? How utterly unbelievable to have said man look his exact age too, maybe even older. Mind you this is the country that happily sits through heavy-duty special effects just to have Rajni in a movie look half his age, because who the hell would ever come to theaters to watch Rajni the way he truly looks like now? 

4.       Because Indians are casteists

I hadn’t thought of this myself until an article in the Indian Express pointed it out. Firangi Malhar – Aamir’s character is clearly what one would call a ‘low-born’ hailing from an oppressed social and economic background. But that simply won’t do, will it? Did the movie makers really expect Indians to root for a… a Dalit? How dare they force us to confront our deep-rooted casteist prejudices like that, when all we want to do is enjoy a movie on a long weekend?

5.       Because Indians are religious bigots

And let’s not forget the other sacrilegious decision the movie makers now live to regret… to have three out of the four main protagonists be Muslim?! Oh my God. Literally. Keep in mind who this country voted into power five years ago and probably will again next year – a Hindu fundamentalist wannabe-dictator with a track record of supporting communalist elements in his own party. Here’s what’s funnier but also sad: the villains are more secular than the audiences of this movie. The British are actually celebrating Dussehra, and even if it’s nothing more than cultural appropriation, it’s still more religiously tolerant than Indians these days. 

6.       Because Indians are self-righteous hypocrites

The self-righteousness dripping from some of the reviews I read online is both laughable and infuriating. What about the word “Thugs” did these apparently literate guys not understand? Protagonists can be regular people too you know, and regular people are not perfect. The heroes in this story aren’t trying to be heroes, nor do they claim to want anything more than their very deeply personal objectives – revenge, resolving internalized guilt etc. In fact, the only person who ends up risking everything without any personal agenda, is Suraiyya Jaan. But does the desi audience appreciate the multidimensional complexities of these very human characters? Noooo. In a period movie set during the colonial era, desi heroes better be a sati savitri, or sata savitra, or they might as well be villains.

 7.       Because Indians are stereotypers

So if the Indian audience is to be believed, stereotyping morons that they are, Aamir Khan should only do movies with a social message in them and nothing else. He’s an actor for god’s sake, why can’t he just do a movie for the sheer entertainment value of it? He has repeatedly said so in his interviews, to the very same media people who now completely choose to ignore his pleas to just let him be an artist. The fact that he is socially responsible is a huge bonus that we should all be bloody grateful for, not use it to put him in a box that restricts his creative instincts. (And if some of you are now arguing that I’m doing the same thing, stereotyping all Indians as the same, well I’m sorry. I know I’m doing it, but at least now you know how it feels.)

8.       Because Indians are ungrateful

How quickly everyone seems to have forgotten the immense contributions Aamir and Mr. Bachchan have made to Bollywood. And this isn’t unique to the film industry. Indians are just as ungrateful to their sports idols, refusing to acknowledge that sportspeople, like actors, are only human. Everyone is bound to have bad days. So what if Yuvi doesn’t perform today, why let it erase the memory of the six sixes he hit in Durban ten years ago? How is it okay to insult and deride this man who is trying his best? It’s especially hurtful when it happens to Aamir because he’s been incredibly selfless in his attempts to improve quality of life in India. Sadly, Aamir, this society does not appreciate, let alone be grateful for, your activism, or your artistry.

9.       Because Indians are group-thinking morons

I don’t know if this is particularly true for desis or just a human trait in general. But it’s particularly hilarious to see it play out on social media. The lack of individual thought is sorely evident in all the reviews and trolls I read online. Also, newsflash, if all you do is retweet, reblog, and forward, you might as well be a mindless bot spreading fake news but adding no value to the discourse whatsoever. If you have a contrarian opinion (like maybe you actually liked the movie) but are too afraid to share it, why have a social media page at all? And for God’s sake, if you never saw the movie, shut the fuck up.

10.   Because Indians are trolls

Years of repression is likely responsible for this surge in social media trolling in India, but come on, you can only understand and excuse this behavior for so long. These trolls seem to have taken special interest in bringing down our biggest heroes and mind you, Aamir truly is a hero in real life – the kind we sorely need. And yet, for the very same reasons, he seems to have a target on his back, especially on the internet where cowards attack him while hiding behind anonymity. No matter what their agenda (jealousy, SRK stans, an episode of SMJ hit too close to home), they seem intent on holding Aamir personally responsible for shortcomings of the movie. I’ll admit Thugs isn’t perfect but none of its faults are the actors’ fault. Either way, I don’t think they’re doing it mindlessly. Like I said before, I strongly suspect an orchestrated conspiracy to bring the movie down. Why? Well, take your pick. Aamir has definitely pissed off a lot of people who want to keep the status quo. 

[magicplanetanime]

Let’s Watch HeartCatch Pretty Cure! Episode 6

I have had a VERY LONG and quite frustrating week, so as it rolls over into Saturday nothing gives me greater joy than being able to get back into the Precure groove. Let’s get started

Episode 6 Scoop! The Precures identities are revealed!?

Before we even get to the theme tune (what Nihon TV helpfully labels as the “Intro” segment of a Precure episode) we’re immediately reintroduced to an old character and introduced to a new one in a very short span of time. On the reintroduction front we have the androgynous school council president, who we learn here is also a martial artist.

Is there anything our boy can’t do?

More pertinently we’re introduced to Tada Kanae, a photographer and, as Erika puts it, “scoop-lover”, which is certainly....a turn of phrase.

After the OP, there’s a bit of in-class discussion about the Precures, the series’ first acknowledgement that yes, other people do remember that they exist. But mostly, we see what exactly Erika means by her oddly old-fashioned phrasing. Apparently the case is that this Tada girl likes to take pictures of people and....well, just kind of stick them up on a board for the world to see. I was sort of expecting the series to take a “school newspaper” angle here especially given the mention of Scoops (tm).

She also seems to enjoy taking pictures of people in embarrassing situations, which Erika (understandably) objects to.

This segues into Tada promising to get shots of the Precures, which Tsubomi hilariously responds to with a loud “EHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?”, proving that regardless of whether or not they’re fictional, middle schoolers cannot keep secrets. (If you’re wondering how she plays this off, it’s by claiming to be really excited about the pictures. Yeah.)

Our girls regroup, and soon spot Tada asking around about the Precures. To the photographer girl’s frustration, all she gets is people (more specifically: characters-of-the-week from some previous episodes) saying that they dreamed about them or that they’ve heard rumors, something that she can’t exactly snap photos of.

I must say, even in the episode’s first third it’s pretty obvious that the moral is going to be about Tada’s habit of taking pictures of people screwing up. Which, while certainly not a bad message in the social media era (and that was surely a consideration, this show isn’t that old mind you) just seems a little....thin? Compared to the near-universal themes of the past couple episodes.

Another thing I’m noticing is at least in this earlier part of the episode the animation is rather janky, there’s some oddly-composed shots and lots of popsicle stick walk cycles.

Neither of these things are dealbreakers by any means but one does get the impression that this is a bit of a lower-rung episode of this series.

Well, I say that, but Tada, following a lead, soon makes her way to the botanical gardens. The ones that Tsubomi’s grandma, the former Cure Flower and--shudder--Coupe are based in. She spots the fairies not long after entering and then....this happens.

Yeah, remember this guy? Cuz I kinda completely forgot about him myself. This is by my count his first appearance in four episodes, and he shows up here only to briefly distract Tada long enough for the fairies to escape. They dive in Coupe’s fur, and granny successfully feigns ignorance, which gets her to leave. Flower then openly speculates about the state of her heart flower, setting up the second half of the episode.

Cut back to the Desert Apostle lair and we have Sasorina vowing that she will succeed where her two comrades failed and yadda yadda you know the drill by now.

We then get a midcard, with this comment from Nihon.TV, which I think is a Final Fantasy reference if my memory (memery?) is serving me correctly this chilly spring morning.

Anyway, we cut back to Tsubomi, who notices Tada walking over to Erika’s place and briefly assumes that she’s found out that they’re Precures. The truth is both more mundane and a good deal more Kids Show, though not quite in a bad way.

You see, it turns out that Tada is actually going to Erika’s house to seek the advice of an expert photographer, a man internationally renowned for his work, a man with blue hair!

Also he’s Erika’s dad, and boy, over the course of this sequence do you REALLY get a sense of where Erika gets a lot of her own personality quirks from, because this guy is a lot.

No really like a lot a lot.

No Tendou Maya?

In any case he talks with Tada about photography and ends up kind of accidentally insulting her photographs while trying to impart what is at its core a reasonable lesson (that photos should make both the viewer and the subject happy), and she leaves rather unhappy. We get this weirdly deep observation from Tsubomi

Honestly who isn’t these days, kid?

Tsubomi and Erika resolve to go cheer her up, but, before they can....well, six episodes in you can probably take a reasonable guess as to what happens.

Well ok, then Sasorina turns her into a Desertrian. This one camera themed and honestly, for just basically being a bunch of square shapes, this thing looks pretty goddamn creepy. Also it petrifies people by taking pictures of them, which is also kinda creepy.

I have somehow not mentioned it yet, but I do wanna point out that the choice of font that Nihon.TV gave to the Desertrians is pretty cool. No idea what it is, but it conveys the rambly aggressive nature of the creatures quite well.

The fight scene here deserves a breakdown, since it’s easily the highest point of the episode. Pretty early on, Marine gets petrified.

Somewhat hilariously, the action then almost completely stops so the fairies can whip out a new toy. It’s not exactly graceful and it really could’ve been integrated into the flow here a bit better, but, on the other hand I do feel that complaining about product placement in Precure is like complaining about it in Transformers.

Yes, a heart seed, those things they’ve been collecting from the people they’ve helped. They use a red one here, which I am pointing out but I probably didn’t really need to.

I would have a bigger problem with this powerup were it not for the fact that Blossom just randomly gaining Flash levels of super-speed is pretty goddamn cool. Look! She even gets a new tint to her outfit! I think the only way to improve that would be if they’d actually fully redesigned her costume for the powerup, but at that point you’re probably in prohibitively time-consuming territory.

I also want to make a nod to Sasorina’s absolutely great facial expressions throughout this fight.

In any case this all leads up to what is maybe my favorite thing that’s happened in the show so far. Observe.

What could I possibly say about this to make it any funnier than it already is? Butt Punch. She used her butt, but it was a punch. Why did she do that? Who knows! Butt Punch. You use your butt, but it’s a punch. I can’t compete with that.

Anyway before long the whole flower crucifixion thing happens again and I am seriously never going to get over how weird this piece of imagery is.

And Sasorina buzzes off, and the fansubbers translate whatever she says upon leaving....liberally, we’ll say.

The episode more or less ends here. There’s a bit of an epilogue where Tada, after being awoken by Tsubomi on the hillside, concludes that her photos really *do* need “more love”. As a thank you to Tsubomi, Tada gives her some photos of the class president, who it is at this point evident that she’s crushing on.

The episode ends with her resolving to continue her hunt for precure pics, and Erika teasing Tsubomi about the pictures she got.

I have to be honest, I am a bit mixed on this one. Tada has the core of a good character but I don’t quite care about her yet as much as I do the rest of the main cast (since I have a hunch she’ll be returning, though I’m not 100% sure). There’s also this episode’s moral which is just kind of....weird, I guess I’d say?

It’s not like photo privacy and consent aren’t real issues in the modern age--they definitely are--but it’s sort of a strange thing for a kids’ show to try to tackle, as it’s a pretty complex issue. And the conclusion reached, that Tada’s photos just need to be taken “with love”, is sort of a strange one in that it does not really say anything concrete. Maybe there’s a cultural barrier here or maybe I’m just misinterpreting the whole thing, but it struck kind of an odd chord. Between that and the janky animation in places this is low on my rankings of episodes of this show so far.

That said, the episode does definitely have its strong points too. Building up some continuity by bringing in old characters--even if only for a little bit--is a really good call (and it’s honestly something that the currently-airing Star Twinkle Precure should perhaps be doing a little more of, much as I do love that show also). And despite its abruptness I did end up liking the powerup that Blossom got here, and I really cannot ovestate how absolutely hilarious Butt Punch is. Juvenile, sure, it’s a kids’ show, but it’s also very basic, elemental comedy. You use your butt, but it’s a punch. Amazing.

I’m also quite curious about the fellow with the black hair and glasses. My guess at this point is, some connection to the student council president maybe? Who knows. I’d also love to see Tada developed a bit more as a character, as I said earlier, she’s got the core of a fun character in her, it just needs a bit more work.

So overall, while I did not like this episode as much as some prior ones, I did still quite like it. I find it hard to ever walk away from a Precure episode with negative feelings.

I’m gonna make this a one-episode post. I hope to get back more into the swing of things this coming week since I’ll have more time than this past week (which was incredibly busy and awful and involved a failed job interview and bluerrrrghhh but that’s not why you’re reading this blog). Until next time!