"You're the idiot!"
Aziraphale's heart pounded. He'd never said anything like that before, certainly not to Crowley. The demon snapped back around, his face a mix of confusion and anger.
"What?"
Aziraphale hesitated. "You're always calling me an idiot-"
"-because you're always acting like one-"
"-when really, you're the idiot."
Crowley was incredulous. "Me? I'm not the one who decided to throw away 6000 years of friendship and - and love - and - and fly off back to Heaven."
"I had to, Crowley. They needed me."
Crowley rolled his eyes. "They needed to use you, you mean. Or make you their scapegoat. Or - to tear us apart. Well good on them, it worked."
"Not Heaven. Humanity."
Crowley stared at him. "What do you mean?"
"Well I was... Well to be honest, I was too proud to tell you the truth."
"OK, and what is the truth?"
Aziraphale hesitated. "I - I -"
"Oh would you just say it already angel?" The last word left his lips before he could stop himself.
"What did you mean when you said love?" Aziraphale flashed his blue eyes at him. Crowley was taken aback. "What?"
"A minute ago, you said I threw away 6000 years of friendship and love and -"
Crowley shook his head. "Nothing, it was - it was nothing. You're deflecting, angel." Aziraphale's eyes widened and he smirked. "So are you." Crowley cleared his throat."There's just nothing to talk about," he stiffened. "That was just -"
Aziraphale grinned and pressed his lips against Crowley's, the way he'd always denied wanting to before Crowley had kissed him.
Crowley thawed on the spot immediately. He couldn't help it. This is what he had wanted when he had first kissed Aziraphale. He could feel everything else stop, but it wasn't the same as when he stopped time. It was like time was still going, but the two of them were in their own separate bubble that was moving at its own pace outside of time. Despite enjoying it, he had never truly understood Aziraphale's desire for food on the same level as him. But this - this he understood. He never wanted to let him go again.
The angel's hands caressed his cheek and another his back and he felt himself shiver involuntarily like he had the last time. Even though he had had desires before - alcohol, knowledge, occasionally food, music - he had never wanted anything this much in his existence before. He wanted what humans had.
His insides screamed for his touch, to be close to his angel. He pressed his lips back against the blond's, his body taking over all control. He gently pulled him in tightly, like there was no closeness that would ever be enough for him.
Aziraphale let himself go and fell into the - his demon's touch. It was the first time he had ever allowed himself to think of Crowley as his. Yet no matter how he had it tried to deny it for the last 6000 years, it was all he had ever really wanted. Crowley pushed back against him softly and he could feel himself sinking into the strongest temptation he had ever felt. The first time Crowley had given him food had been nothing compared to this. He kissed him back until the pressure in his chest was so tight that he had to pull away.
"I wanted to go to you," he breathed when they broke apart. "I nearly did."
"Why didn't you? All this time, angel, we could've -" Aziraphale smiled and rubbed a hand gently across his cheek. "I had to go. When - when The Metatron and I were talking - after - after - well, after anyway, he told me what they were planning. And I just couldn't walk away. And I knew if I told you, you would try to stop me, or it would give me away or - well, at any rate, I had to make a choice. And -"
"-You chose Heaven."
"No. Well, I mean, yes. But then no. And then yes, but also no. OK, so yes, initially, that did happen. But then, well, you kissed me, and I really thought for a moment about taking it all back, but there was so much pressure and you and me, well it was never going to work."
"Right," Crowley said in a disappointed voice.
"And then when The Metatron and I were walking, he told me what they were planning and I reconsidered for-for a moment."
"Okay..."
"Well I stood there and I thought about what you had said and how - how I felt and I really was going to walk away for a moment. But then I thought about you and how good you are -"
"I keep telling you, I'm not."
"But you are. You are what Heaven ought to be, Crowley."
"I'm - what?"
"Look at all the good you've done over the years. You - you never should have been cast out, Crowley."
"Careful, someone might hear you."
"But it's true. And I thought about it you knew what I knew in that moment and what you would do. And I knew you would fight. And that the best way was from the inside, where I could gather the most information. So I went."
"You what? The whole time?"
Aziraphale's cheeks reddened and he smiled sheepishly back at Crowley. "You know what angel? I think I just fell even more in love with you." His own words caught him by surprise.
"I-"
Before he could protest or take them back, Aziraphale was kissing him again. "I love you too, Crowley," he whispered. The demon's eyes fell closed and he felt himself melting into him once more.
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