#goblin engineering

[jaybren]

Does this happen to anybody else?

Anybody ever find themselves eating Fruit Loops dry while waiting for the water to boil to feed your caffeine addiction, and you scratch your stomach, causing a previously hidden hatch to pop open and reveal a TARDIS bigger on the inside situation until a goblin who sounds suspiciously like Daffy Duck quickly closes it while shouting, "Nothing to see here, folks!"

Yeah, me neither.

[sekhisadventures]

Grimo's Invention Scrapbook

To a goblin a ‘scrapbook’ has a different meaning. In this instance its inventions he had to scrap, figuratively or literally, due to them not working as intended, working too well as intended, or leaving too big a body count to be explained away with a shrug, a few bribes, and a halfhearted ‘whups?’

Wind Up Smiley Boom-Boom

A large round ball with a big grin painted on it’s front, four mechanical spider-like legs, and a hole for a winding key in the back. It smells strongly of gunpowder.

“Right okay, so when Bilgewater first joined up with the Horde a lotta the orcs were kinda… iffy… on us. Sure they knew Gazlowe and they figured he was okay, but goblins had a bit of a rep for… well… stuffs.”

“So I figures ‘hey, get ‘em while they’re young’ right? Get the kids to like ya and you’ve got it made, so I gave toymaking a whirl! Smiley Boom-Boom, your happy bomb friend! Wind him up and have explosive fun for hours and hours!”

“Gave one to the orphans over in the Orgrimmar Drag JUST ONE AS A FREE SAMPLE MIND YOU and they wound it up and… well… the thing went great! Exactly as I designed it! It jumped up, laughed just right, then ran out of the orphanage, down to the outfitter’s shop, sang the countdown song and… well… that’s where I thought maybe I shouldn’t have made them actually able to… um… explode.”

“Ho-lee shit Garrosh was pissed! Had to go hide out in Bilgewater Harbor until the heat was off and sold the rest to the Gob Squad after I removed their voiceboxes. At least they did well as military ordinance against those Naga that kept getting up our asses in Azshara.”

Grimo’s Grabyango

A bottle of some green bubbling liquid. Occasionally it shakes violently. Smells strongly of plants and something acidic.

“So, engineering wasn’t working out for a bit during the whole Pandaria mess, so I figured that we gobbos got our start with good ol’ Kaja Cola right? Well the recipe hadn’t really been updated in ages, so why not try mixing up some stuff, give it to a peon, and see what happens?”

“I used Kaja Cola as the base and mixed in… eh, gimme a sec, lemme dig my notes out… yeah here we go. Two cups basilisk venom, a handful of goldthorn pulp, spirit residue I picked up near Kharazan that time, pinch of sugar, and supercharged the whole thing with some bottled arcane energy that fell off a cart heading outta Silvermoon.”

“Now THAT one Garrosh really liked… at first. Gave it to some thirsty peon at the northern gates of Orgrimmar and he grew about thirty feet tall and started smashing the shit outta the Night Elves that had been attacking us for cuttin’ down their damn trees. Oooooh yeah that got the big man sittin’ up and taking notice! … right up until the peon looked at him. Turns out that as a side effect he couldn’t really tell one small screamy squishy thing from another and… er… well, we kinda had to… kill him… after he killed a bunch of grunts, and smashed five shredders, and almost got Garrosh himself until he chopped the peon’s arm off with Gorehowl. Yeaaaaaaah, I had to go hide out in Bilgewater Harbor again.”

Titanstrike, New and Improved!

The rifle Titanstrike, originally made by the titan keeper Mimiron. It lost it’s power after being used to neutralize the fel poison of Sargeras’ Sword, but this version has several additions including an external power source, a new scope, and such. The barrel has several large scorch marks.

“Oh maaaaaaaaaan I can’t believe they wasted this beauty on that huge freakin’ sword stickin’ outta Sithilus! This gun was a masterpiece of engineering, even if a giant robot gnome made it! After that though it was a piece of scrap that I couldn’t even get to fire half the time… godsdamn tragedy I tells ya…”

“Well fuck that! I’m an engineer AND a goblin! If I can’t fix it, nobody can! … welp, I guess nobody can. I… well… hired someone to acquire it from the bank vault of the former owner, then I tried adding a new power source by draining the energy from storm elementals using this mote extractor doohickey I got off the auction house and stickin’ ‘em in a Tesla ball, put one of my own specialized scopes on it, and wired the whole thing up into a lightning rifle!”

“Yeah, um, it worked a bit too well actually. I pulled the trigger and the kickback blew me right through the wall and into the air! Sent me all over Orgrimmar anchored to the ground by a continuous blast of lightning coming from the barrel!”

“There I am about sixty feet in the air screamin’ blue murder while a seemingly endless stream of electricity tears holy shit outta the ground and buildings as I pass over ‘em, everyone below me freaking out and running for cover. As I pass Warsong Hold Sylvannas even comes out to find out what’s making all the racket only for her guards to shove her back inside and dive in after her right as the bolt tears up where they were standing. Good reflexes boys, ya deserve a raise.”

“Well, finally the power source DID run out and I… well… I was up in the air supported by fuck all. I tried to use my glider cloak to get to safety and wound up stuck on one of the spires at the city gates. Sylvannas had gotten out of the Hold at this point and she and Nathanos wanted to ask me some really uncomfortable questions about the gun… and then Nitika came up the stairs with Mola’ruam and… well shit if you think Sylvannas was pissed… Whoof…”

Fourth Wall Breaker

A strange device that, when it worked, looked like a sort of oversized television set with lots of extra dials and multiple antennas sticking out of it. It now looks like an oversized soda can that was crushed by a tauren, judging by the huge hoofprint on it.

“Okay, so our newest recruit is this Mag’har girl named Galdia right? Well, she’s always in a mood because she can’t go home to Draenor ‘cause of the whole time/space thing and normally I’d just tell her to get the fel over it but… well, she’s an orc and a warrior. They get over stuff by cuttin’ off heads. Kinda attached to mine ya see.”

“So, I figure fuck, if the gnomes can warp reality by accident it can’t be THAT hard, right? I (ahem) appropriate some gnome dimensional tech and get to work improving it. Few extra dials here, the recharged power source from my improved Titanstrike, couple extra (this baby needed a lotta juice,) a specialized communications array I ‘borrowed’ from some Draenei, then I flipped it on and gave it a go.”

“The screen flickered for a moment, then all of a sudden I’m lookin’ at this human chick… except she’s lookin’, well, a little too real. Glasses, ponytail, sitting in a big comfy chair, and she looks like she just saw a ghost. Well, we stare… then she screams, then I scream, then we both scream, then Nitika walks in and says ‘hey Grimo, there’s a cart outside sellin’ ice crea- WHAT THE FEL DID YOU DO?!’ and Mola’raum hears her and runs in too, then all four of us are screaming.”

“Now, see, I figure I musta made it TOO powerful and accidentally tuned into a higher plane of reality somehow. I figure I can modify it so that doesn’t happen again but its kinda hard to explain that in the heat of the moment… I try to switch it off ‘n tell them but Mola’raum and Nitika just nod to each other, then Mola grabs me ‘n holds me in a full nelson while Nitika kicks the invention over and stomps the crap out of it until the sparks stop! No respect for technology I tells ya…”

The SantaShredder 5000

A Sky Golem built during the War in Pandaria, repurposed as a holiday spokesman in order to bullshit the people of Orgrimmar out of their hard earned coin spread mirth and holiday cheer for a reasonable price!

"Okaaaaaaaaay, so this was a more... recent incident. For the longest time I used this Skyshredder to get around y'see... but I wanted somethin' I could stretch out in on long trips, so after we got some cash in the Shadowlands I invested in a Xiwyllag ATV and put the shredder in storage."

"Then back last Winter's Veil I had this great idea! Greatfather Winter is a big scam right? Get your kid's S.E.L.F.I.E. taken with Jolly Ol' Winter (for a fee) and have 'em give the old man their holiday wishes! Well, the orc that they normally had doin' it in Orgrimmar came down with the flu, so I got my shredder outta storage, painted it red, stuck a fake beard on it, and reprogrammed it for the whole 'Ho Ho Ho' schtick!"

"Worked great at first, some people thought it was fuckin' hilarious... then this mag'har kid shows up... ugh... thats where it all went fuckin' pear shaped. SantaShredder asked the kid what they wanted for Winter's Veil, and they said they wanted their parents to be able ta see feckin' Draenor again!"

"Now... I wanted realism right? I gave it the ability to calculate how likely a wish was able to be granted. Most kids? Easy as fuck! They wanted toys, pets, that kinda garbage... but a portal to another world in another timeline?! Odds were so low that the fucker COULDN'T calculate it, but it had to try!"

"I'm counting the take as I suddenly smell hot copper, then the kid screams and runs away as the Shredder starts shootin' sparks everywhere! It blew half it's fuses, fried it's punch card reader, spontaneously deleted the concept of 'Nice' I programmed it with, defaulted to 'Naughty' for everyone in range, and hit an 'out of coal' error... which made it reset to it's original Shredder programming..."

"Er... its original programming was 'kill the fuck outta everyone it saw as a threat.' In this case, a crossed wire changed that to 'kill the fuck outta everyone it saw as naughty,' which in this case was... everyone it could see."

"That was a fuckin' fiasco... good chunk of Orgrimmar got torn up by the thing before we could take it down! Little fucker even stomped one of my L.U.P.E. into scrap! I had to have my other dog go fetch Titanstrike from where I hid it after Nitika tried to swipe it again and blew the top half off, then threw the last of my Nutcracker Grenades down into it's engine!"

"It worked... but then Darkhoof took over and that fuckin' cow threw Titanstrike into the fucking VOID! DOES SHE KNOW HOW MUCH FUCKIN' GOLD I HAD TO PAY TO GET THAT DAMN GUN IN THE FIRST PLACE?! IT WAS AN ENGINEERING MARVEL AND SHE CHUCKED IT INTO THE FUCKIN' SHADOW REALM FOR NO DAMN GOOD REASON! NO APPRECIATION FOR TECHNOLOGY I FUCKIN' SWEAR THAT-..." (This continues for about ten minutes.)

[b1anketplask]

Some doodles that I did in school... Almost Duncan XD Actually, I designed Duncan to upload this

[presidentbungus]

engineer is, contrary to popular belief, a bad cook. this is owing from a lot of things, the most significant being that things he needs to account for within very short spans of time stress him out, and he considers all the imperfect measurements and subjective waypoints of it the constant bane of his existence. engy is not a man who improvises; he plans, painstakingly, works through the diagrams in his head if he needs to, but he does not work 'on the spot'. such an ideal is antithetical to everything he stands for and everything he's ever done.

he makes do with recipes, sometimes, barely, as long as they're clear, concise, and exact. he refuses to stray, whatsoever, even if a simple addition would undoubtedly make whatever he's trying to cook better. with this loophole, he has managed to convince a significant portion of the team that he is, if nothing else, competent; a stealthy application of boxed pancake mix or "just add water!" prepackaged stuffing now and then helps to maintain the carefully cultivated illusion. while he does find it nicely contributes to his constructed persona, of a practical, generous kinda guy, it helps somewhat that he finds the concept of anyone knowing he's absolutely incapable of making spaghetti unless he's reading the directions straight off the side of the box horribly embarrassing.

one warm summer evening, engineer finds himself at the grocery store having made a promise too far, and can imagine nothing but his eight hungry teammates back at the base, soon to be sitting in front of the grill and expecting authentic texan barbecue, just like he made at home three times a week, which was the slightest bit of an exaggeration. and, well, he's just lucky no one on the team's from the South, and when he brings home a precooked rack of ribs, chars them to shit on the grill, and dumps three bottles of lukewarm barbecue sauce over them, no one can tell the difference, and when they complain about it engineer gets to tell them all what unrefined yankee palates they all have. his secret's safe for now. he solemnly resolves to talk less about his eating habits in the future, lest his luck run out

[scrunckled-idiot]

GUESS WHO GOT THE GOBLINEER COSMETIC!? GUESS!!!

I CAN FINNALY RUN AMOK TUEFORT AND RELISH IN THE ENEMY INTEL!!!

[snails-and-cinnamon]

Some mortal engines fanart because I never stop thinking about these silly billies.

Yes I think I’m funny.

[alchykiller]

Goblin engineer using a generator

[toytulini]

i may not be able to open posts from my notes or messages or get more context on posts via looking at the notes, but at least i can make fucked up coffee properly now

[captainkaprozyx]

commission!

[theyuanman]

The green goblineer

[notfenik]

This is a very non-standard crossover that my friend suggested to me. and you know, I like this idea. Perhaps in the future I will draw an engineer and a spy in the style of Otto and Norman more

it is assumed that the spy is still higher than the engineer, it was just more convenient for me to draw like this 🥓

[jasleh]

I’m always vaguely uncertain about the etiquette around posting commission art :’)

but please witness my newest DnD Pathfinder character, as drawn by the wonderful and talented @dennydraws <3

Volt Boomspackle, goblin inventor

[skrittposts]

and that’s the (piping hot) tea sis ☕🐁

gender status: unstoppable 🏳️‍⚧️💙🐁

[weirdlynotspecific]

Hi and welcome back to tears of the kingdom being my unhealthy obsession of the week.

I CREATED A MACHINE THAT LAUNCHES ITSELF FORWARD AND HAS CANNONS AND REGULARLY CATCHES ITSELF ON FIRE.

Not even the Sheikah are a match for my technological prowess.

[altfire]

i literally cant help but rp in any game im literally thinking abt the lore of my current. modded minecraft world w my friends. god

[laelior]

Putting on a Normal Human Being mask for eight hours of a day is exhausting.