#goethe and schiller would be the best dads

[flowers-and-fichte]

Schoethe raising a child headcanons

Okay, so @poesia-storica and I came up with this Schoethe concept in which Goethe and Schiller were secretly married and they (again, secretly) adopted Schiller's son Karl.

Goethe and Schiller only adopt Karl because adopting all of the Schiller children would draw too much attention.

They raise Karl very well, sometimes a little too well.

Charlotte, of course, is completely oblivious to the fact that Fritz is secretly raising Karl with Goethe. So when Karl runs up to his mom yelling that he has two daddies, she looks at him in utter confusion.

Cue Schiller saying that Goethe is the godfather, and nothing more.

Everyone else (except Christiane) knows the truth. And they're fine with it.

Karl does tend to run off. A LOT. So his dad and stepdad naturally came up with a solution: a leash child safety tether. Which of course both JoWo and Fritz are adamant about, but it's for the best.

Karl definitely tries to drag whoever is holding the tether along with him. When that thing's on, he pulls. Hard.

Also that kid just straight up runs off if neither of his fathers are keeping an eye on him in a public setting.

Everyone in Weimar thinks that these two men just running around and looking for this small child is completely normal.

Karl is definitely one step ahead of his dads. He is a manipulative little shit yet he is very adorable and sweet.

And by manipulative he will do that thing where small children lie and the parents believe them.

He also swears. @poesia-storica had this thought of Karl hearing Schiller cursing and deciding to use the word. All. The. Time. Poor Goethe has no idea what to do anymore.

So one day...

Karl: Scheiße.

Goethe and Schiller: *gasp*

Goethe: Don't use that word, Karl.

Karl: What word?

Goethe: *gives Schiller a "please help me" look*

Schiller: *whispering* I think he knows which one.

Karl: You mean scheiße?

Goethe: ...

Schiller: *sigh* Yes. That one. But don't ever use it again. We can, because we are responsible adults who can watch our mouths and know when and when not to use it.

Karl: I'm responsible too...

Schiller: You just swore twice.

Karl: SCHEISSE

Goethe: Oh no. Child is broken...guess we messed up.

Schiller: He's grounded.

I can imagine them in some public setting or something and Karl just suddenly runs around swearing his head off and Goethe and Schiller are mentally facepalming.

That doesn't mean that Karl isn't a good kid; of course he is. And Goethe and Schiller love him very much. They're just protective.

Also whenever his dads have a fight, Karl just goes up to Fritz, hugs his leg (refusing to let go) and just says, "I think Daddy likes you as much as I do. Probably as much as I like pudding."

And Schiller just M E L T S

Karl is not only cute and mischievous, he's great emotional support.

Overall, our favorite literary husbands love their son way too much and he loves them back, perhaps even more.

Credit to @poesia-storica for some of these amazing ideas!

[saasrahm]

Die Erlkönig-Gang als John Mulaney Quotes

Schiller: Whoa, that tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!

Kleist: I’m sorry about last night. It’s just that I’m mean and loud. It’s probably gonna happen again.

Arnim: I quit drinking ‘cause I used to drink too much, and then I would black out and I would “”ruin parties”” or so I’m told.

Goethe: I would not say that, not even as a joke that my wife Christiane is a bitch and I don’t like her. That is not true. My wife Christiane is a bitch and I love her so much.

Humboldt: STREET SMARTS!

Kleist: I guess someone said, like, “something-something police”. And in a brilliant moment of word association I yelled “Fuck da police!” and everyone else joined in.

Kleist @ Humboldt: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

Schiller: In high school, people were like, “what are your top three colleges?” I was like, “Top three colleges? I thought I’d be dead in a trunk with my hand hanging out the taillight by now!”

Humboldt: Why do people do that? Why do people always shush animals? They just go, “shhh, hey, shhhh”. They’ve never spoken!

Kleist: Now I don’t know if you’ve been following the news, but I’ve been keeping my ears open and it seems like everyone, everywhere is super mad about everything.

Arnim: I embarrass my wife Bettine all day long walking around, because I want everyone to like me. I once said hello to balloons. Cause they were in my peripheral vision and I was like, “Look, better safe the sorry; hi!” and then it was balloons.

Bettine: You know those days when you’re like, “This might as well happen. Adult life is already so god damn weird.”

Goethe: I try to stay optimistic, even though I must admit, things are getting pretty sticky.

Schiller: God, I guess they’re finally going to kill us all. Alright. This is younger than I thought I would be but we are pretty big assholes.

Kleist @ Humboldt: Stop snitchin’, motherfucker!

Bettine: This is an on-fire garbage can. Could be a nursery.

Goethe: The were like, “Does that work?” I’m like, “It didn’t NOT work.”

Arnim @ Bettine: You’ll see! One day I’m gonna leave you and I’m gonna get that Best Buy Rewards Card!

Schiller: I look back on being 17 and think, “Oh god, how did I not die?”

Humboldt: Everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds.

Everyone about Napoleon: It’s like there’s a HORSE loose in a HOSPITAL.

Kleist: It’s fun to be married have a boyfriend. I’ve never been supervised before. My wife boyfriend studies what I do, like an anthropologist. She He’ll be like, “Sometimes, he will watch a movie on TV even though he already owns that movie on DVD. Pointing this out confuses and upsets him.”

Schiller: My dad loved us. He just didn’t care about our general happiness or self esteem.

Goethe: [imitating an old gay man] You want me to do what?

Bonus 1

Goethe: What’s a clique?

Carl August: It’s when a group of people hang out together.

Goethe: Oh, you mean like having friends?

Carl August: No, because these people make fun of other people.

Goethe: Oh, you mean like having friends?

Bonus 2

Kleist: Sometimes people would say, “What do you think you’re doing?”

...But that just meant “Stop.” They didn’t actually wanna know my thought process. They didn’t want me to be like...

Kleist: “Well, I was gonna put this bottle rocket into this carton of eggs so that when I lit off the bottle rocket, the eggs would explode everywhere.”

Humboldt: Oh, well that’s very interesting. And what brought you to this experiment?

Kleist: Oh, well thank you for asking. Well... you know how I’m filled with rage? I’m so horny and angry all the time and I have no outlet for it. So, eggs.

[erizee]

From the "Hi im not from the US": 1, 4, 8, 9, 10, 13, 25, 27. You dont have to do them all if you dont want to, they are so many! :D

nah I’m gonna answer them all u just challenged me ;D

1. favourite place in your country?

My grandma lives in Dresden and it’s super pretty there. It’s one of germany’s biggest cities but it has trees and art and really old buildings and memorials and barely any noticeable pollution. I don’t know if it’s actually my favourite place because I go there like once a year and I barely know anyone, but it’s pretty and historical. (just ignore the old people, they’re terrible)

4. favourite dish specific for your country?

I’m honestly not sure if anything we eat is actually specific to germany. My dad is a cook so we eat many different things from many different places… but if a dish has some kind of steak, potatoes, sauce (preferably pepper) and green peas I’ll probably love it

8. Do you get confused with other nationalities? if so, which ones and by whom?

Me? No. Unless you count american movie makers hiring swedish actors to play german roles because “they’re tall and blond” I don’t think we get confused that often…

9. Which of your neighbouring countries would you like to visit most/know best?

I actually visited most of them once, but I really want to visit the netherlands again. I hope I’ll get to go to Amsterdam the first week of easter holidays and if everything goes well, I might study history there too.

10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language?

…I actually tend to use bitch and fuck most of the time ^^’ german swear words are usually either “scheiße” (in any variation possible, combined with every single thing, action or adjective you can think of), or words you really really should not say

13. does your country (or family) have any specific superstitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders?

there’s A LOT of alcohol at every kind of regular party. new years? alcohol. karneval? alcohol. oktoberfest? is actually just celebrated in the lower regions of germany, but also alcohol. christmas? you bet ur ass there’s alcohol. It’s a tradition at this point. I’d list a bunch of weird superstitions we have, but tbh most of the things you’ll find on lists about “weird german superstitions” I’ve only heard of through those lists. sorry :/

25. Would you like to come from another place, be born in another country?

Nah not really. Germany is definitely not perfect and especially the town my school is in sucks, but I’m happy with what I have here. I want to live somewhere else when I leave school, but I’m still glad I was born here.

27. favourite national celebrity?

I’ll do this with famous historical people cuz history is my jam so I’ll just list a bunch of famous dead german people lol :p : albert einstein, sophie scholl (aka my fave), bach, goethe, the guy who invented printing, beethoven, the guy who invented computers, the guy who discovered x-rays, schiller, richard wagner, nietzsche, the guy who apparently invented cars, the guy who found out the earth wasn’t the center of the universe, the grimm brothers, erich kästner aaand berthold brecht. they’re all pretty cool. (we got a lot of authors and inventors wow)