#going to be thinking about “away with you you fool” for the forseeable future

[solanumflare]

most FERAL noises any human being is capable of making

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

Leaving This As A Reminder (11/7/23)

Hi Case. Been another few months since we've chatted and wow does my last post make me sad and shocked at how much can change in 5 months.

Lets quickly recap a friend update which is the shore unveiled some really disgusting truths about some of my friendships in this city. My "perfect" friend group i found was far from it and i dont even need to go into detail bc we are ok and we are healing.

I gravitated back to this channel because tomorrow i am about to reenter a healing phase and going to work on ending a relationship with D for the very forseeable future. While these past 10 or 11 months have brought us back together closer than ever, sometimes love doesn't conquer all. You two have tried your best (at least you have) to make something work, but in the end we've reached the last page of our story. He's not only become one of your closest ties in nyc, but he's taught you how to love, even when someone doesn't deserve it.

Over the past 10/11 months you went from convincing yourself that one meet up at a bar won't bother you and let him back in.. you just wanted to hear him out and get an ego boost that he still wanted you. You'd tell yourself its fine, I don't even like him anymore its just a hook up... but days and weeks and months went by and you fell right back into the trap, yet this time you had hope. Hope that there was a future, hope that maybe things this time were different. Hope that you finally cracked his code and could win the ultimate prize - being a girlfriend. But the second you hear that word leave his lips it felt...uncomfortable.

Maybe being in a relationship wasn't what you were searching for with him either - could it be that you finally just wanted him to want you? Because after months of actually experiencing the highs of being together (going to dinners, being invited to events, going out with his friends) you finally got a peek into a life together - but was it everything you wanted and more? Not really. There were still those anixous days of "is he going to text me today?", "why did he invite her to this event over me?", "why does he never ask me about myself", etc. etc. etc. There were also those tough conversations that led you to realize - Can this even go where I want it to go? D and you have very different ideas of where you are in 10 years. You want a family, you want to live near your family (CA), you love being adventurous and going outside and appreciating the little things. Of course im not saying he cant but he also prioritizes drinking, partying, staying out till 4am and in bed all day the next.. cmon case that isnt you.

While I can name many reasons why it wont work logistically I also want to remind you of how he treated you the past 3 years. He does the same thing OVER and OVER again. He leaves you uncomfortable for 24 hours and you have such crippling anxiety that it's all you can think about, you didn't eat for a day, you couldn't even focus on yourself/work. You can't even be honest with your parents because you think they'd think your a fool for being back together with this person who was only brought to their attention because of how much he hurt you that you were so depressed you had to just be honest.

If there is one thing I ask you to promise me is that please Casey you deserve so much more and there is someone out there who can give you so much more. D's patterns are never going to change - at least not for you. Because you are not meant to end up together. He served a beautiful story in your life that came with love, hurt, happiness, anxiety, and every emotion under the sun but it is time to pick yourself. I know the comfort he has provided you makes you feel so safe in a world where you don't always feel that way. But I am not only asking but begging you to choose yourself and walk away forever. There is the possibility that he comes back in 2 months time, but you need to not respond. PLEASE CASEY. I know one silly hi doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but it's exactly what got us back to here. I know you love/loved him, but its time to give that love you can give to someone who gives you 10x more back.

I know losing people is so hard for you, but losing yourself is worse and that is what is going to happen if you return to this. Your friends have begged you to walk away and i know its easy to say "you don't know him" or "you dont get it" but thats exactly why im writing this today. I do get it. I lived it. and I know I need to walk away and close this chapter of my life. I'll always hold a place for D in my heart and I do think he is my first love, but its time to find a forever love (especially in yourself first).

I am sorry if this came across harsh, but I love you. I am so proud of you. You are ressilient and have dealt with much more challenging things in this life and im sure another great challenge is just around the corner, but i'll just leave you with this...

If it doesn't challenge you it won't change you.

xx.

Casey

[teacup-tai]

Summer Fics by Tai

I just wanted to rant a bit and reflect on the last 2 months. Well, this summer came with sadness. My 14 years long relationship came to an end, or maybe a semi-colon (I hope so). I had SO MANY emotions going on! So I stress read as always and wrote SEVEN FICS(!!!) only six posted, after months of writer's block.

I'm writing this post because I want to appreciate myself and creativity and resilience and all these nice stories that I managed to write in a very short amount of time. I'm proud of all them, they are *so diverse* and *so special* in their own ways:

Breaking wild roses (stings like love's pain) - 1.4k, E, Pansmione

I feel like a scream is stuck inside my chest, creeping up in the deep dark hollow of my throat. It’s a mix of pain and agony. So to keep it down, I open my mouth and fill it with your soft, tender flesh. The bronze skin of your shoulder right against my tongue.

I'm honestly proud of this smut with feels and I need to thank special people who helped, be prompting or betaing this story; thank you @the-starryknight, @sketchyblondes @phenomenalasterisk

The Truth Runs Wild - 3k, E, Blairon

It’s Harry’s fault and his whole ‘gay awakening’ and all the shit he had to hear Harry talk him through, in the name of friendship and supportive brotherhood. But honestly, if Zabini licking his lips can be this sensual, what could he do with a dick in his mouth? Ron flushes, because he cannot be honestly thinking about Blaise Zabini and blowjobs. Like, he’s straight, right. Right?

and it's sequel: Only Fools Fall - 5.3k, E, Blairon

Blaise planted a kiss against Ron’s temple and moved away to watch him with big black attentive eyes. “I only wanna make you feel good,” he assured him. And Ron felt himself blush, because Zabini was looking soft and warm and it was making things inside Ron’s chest turn and pull. This was getting way too real. Or: Ron wants more, then he gets pretty confused. So Tai decided to write a Blaise/Ron love story out of it.

This wouldn't have happened without the nonnie who boldly asked my opinion on Blairon, lol. And without the amazing help of this lovely alpha-beta crew: @erajakira , @olliemaye, @crazybutgood . I had such great fun writing these fics, I'm in love with this universe for real! Blairon for the win! this wouldn't be the same without the mutual hype of @thusspoketrish and @anaxandria-writes for our lovely August with Gusto: Blasie Zabini Appreciation Month!

For God is Love - 3k, M, Drarry

1 John 4:8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. Or: Tai decided to write a religious AU fic, in which draco and harry are catholic priests, bc I wanted to read it :)

Got the amazing help of @corvuscrowned and Jay, and honestly if it weren't for @tackytigerfic also enjoying this trope it wouldn't have happened. I LOVED writing such a different trope and mood than I normally write. So thank you y'all!

Space Bodies - 1.5k, M, Drarry

She tastes like a love story. Or: my dream came true and I wrote a drarry fic with trans!draco being this gorgeous woman and I can die happy now.

It made my day to write this fic for the @drarrymicrofic with the amazing help of @softlystarstruck, @atgranger and Logan.

Claraboia - microfic, Drarry

"Look what I've found," Draco says in a surprised and tender voice. Harry is still learning all the nuances of his voice and this one is new.

BIG thank you to @onbeinganangel and @the-starryknight for making me dive into the microfic realm.

I also want to thank InnerLilith for betaing a gen fic about Pansy that is not pubished yet. And all the amazing friends from the drarry squad that keep me going when life is shit, specially @sitp-recs who holds my hand when time zone allows and hypes me up.

THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS! YOU MADE SUCH A DIFFERENCE IN MY SUMMER SADNESS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

I got a new job in a new city and I'm moving out tomorrow. I dunno when I will be able to write in the forseeable future. BUT THANK YOU. This last year has been filled with up and downs. And me being back to the drarry fandom is @quicksilvermaid fault, bc of the @hd-hurtfest from last year. Without your prompt I wouldn't have written my sadass drarry fic, and stayed for the long run, and so many things in my life changed bc of that fic. I'm emotionally healthier now and I'm moving forwards, thanks Q!

Cheers folks! Sending love, tai.

[edgewoodrp]

Congratulations and welcome back, Zoey! You have been accepted as your desired character, Bridgette Kingsley. Please be sure to complete the steps listed on the New Member checklist and send in your account within the next 24 hours.

Welcome to Edgewood. There’s no place like home.

OOC INFORMATION

Name (or alias): Zoey

Age: 23

Pronouns: She/her

Timezone: EST

CANON CHARACTER APPLICATION

Character: Bridgette Kingsley

Gender & Pronouns: n/a

Sexual Orientation: n/a

WRITING SAMPLE

TW: Drugs

Bridgette tapped her foot on the ground as she stared into the mirror. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she gazed into her own chocolate brown eyes. There she was yet again, in the bathroom of some grimy club peering into her distorted reflection. Another night wasted. Wasted in a sense that she wouldn’t be sober until sunrise and wasted in a sense that she’d never get this time back. It didn’t matter though. Anything for the high, right? Anything for the exhilerating feeling of magic flowing through her veins, right? Anything to get the giant weight of anger, disappointment, and the crushing feeling of being unremarkable and dull off her chest, right?

You weren’t always like this, she reminded herself. This wasn’t her fault. It was their fault. They were the reason why she did this to herself night after night after night after—

Bridgette screamed when she found out what the Council would do to her and how she’d be punished for the forseeable future. It wasn’t a pretty scream. It wasn’t like how girls screamed in horror films or rom coms. It was gutteral, feral, and furious. It made you wonder if she was a werewolf instead of a witch.

“What the fuck?” At first she felt confused. She didn’t do anything wrong. Not exactly. “What the fuck?!” Bridgette spat the words. “How dare they! How fucking dare they! They’re going to fucking condemn me to a life of being a useless, pathetic, mundane human being!” She didn’t think all humans were useless or pathetic, but in that moment, she’d rather die than become disconnected from magic, something that made her her.

“Who the fuck do they think they are, trying to control me?” She wasn’t sure who she was shouting out. She wasn’t sure why she was throwing glasses. It was like her body was operating on autopilot. Bridgette was already in so much trouble that it didn’t matter if she threw a few glasses and overturned a table. It didn’t matter if she threw a chair against the wall. She slammed her fists against the door over and over again as she screamed in outrage. She threw a tantrum as if she were a child, except that she never threw temper tantrums as a kid. She always got what she wanted and this was the one time she couldn’t charm her way out of it.

When they bound her powers, Bridgette never told anyone, but she felt like a cord was being cut. She felt a hollowness and an emptyness that was far worse than any heartbreak she’d ever experienced. Despite the weird weightlessness she was experiencing, there was a great and terrible pressure in her chest. A part of her was forcefully removed. They resigned her to living trapped inside Edgewood, forced to study at UW Edgewood. She was no longer allowed to live the life she wanted, the life she planned. She would never admit to anyone that she cried that night.

She barely even recognized herself when she looked in the mirror. She wasn’t the same girl for what seemed like ages, but then Pixie Dust was Bridgette’s saving grace or so it seemed. She was so desperate, it didn’t matter the cost. It was the very reason why she was in another bathroom in the back of another seedy club on another night before she’d have to go to work again the next day. Ever since she lost her powers, she was chasing a feeling. She could be in her own little world, remembering what it was like when she was young and things were easier. She owed it all to that little pink drug.

The Council’s punishment was meant to teach her a lesson and force her to think about her actions. She was supposed to change her ways and become a much more respectable witch. Instead, Bridgette would only bide her time, dreaming up scheme after scheme to get back at them. For now, it’d only be a dream.

Bridgette would think of different schemes, trying to find the best punishment to fit the crime. Sometimes, she’d imagine them on fire as terrible as it sounded or tying a rock to their leg and throwing them into the lake. Other days she imagined them as a bunch of bumbling fools who had no memory of who they were, quite possibly a fate worse than death. She wasn’t an inherantly dark or murderous person, but she could never find the right words to say to let the Council know how much she despised them.

Bridgette lifted her head and looked back into the mirror again after taking in the pink, sugary substance. If someone didn’t know better, it looked like candy. She ran her hands down her face, wiped any trace of drug away, and pushed her hair back. She gripped the sides of the counter top and inhaled deeply. She pulled back the corners of her mouth, putting on a big and bright smile. She flashed those perfectly straight white teeth. She frowned and then smiled again. She laughed. She put on a surprised face, opening her mouth up wide. She smiled again.

She turned her head towards the door when there was a knock. “Give me a minute! I’m almost done!” she said, grabbing her lipstick. She ran it over her lips and then fixed her hair so not one strand was out of place. She smiled again in the mirror, as if that would make her happier or make the drugs work faster. Bridgette slung her bag over her shoulder and opened the door, grinning ear to ear as she greeted her friends. Bridgette walked down the hall with her friends, throwing an arm over one of their shoulders and heading for the main room of the club. The lights flashed and the music was blaring. Her heart began pounding in her chest as the drugs started to take their effect on her. Pretty soon, she’d feel a high that she’d never feel with any ordinary drug. This one was pure magic.

“Oh my god, you better not have started without me!” one girl whined. “If you get wasted before us, it’s sooooo not going to be fun.”

“I swear to Goooodddd, if I see Jasper hanging out with Sophia again, I’m just going to fucking scream!” another girl said, staring at her phone. She swiped left and right as she scrolled through the people on Tinder. “She’s just such a fucking bitch. Like, no one’s fucking decked her. Everyone fucking knows she’s a ho.”

“Bridgey, were you able to get those tickets to that concert next week?” another girl asked as she took selfies of the group.

“Yeah, bitch, you know I did!” Bridgette replied. “It’s next Saturday and we got tickets for the pit, so you know what that means!” She smirked and waggled her eyebrows as she shimmied her shoulders. Put on a happy face.

“Ooooh! We should go get some Chinese after this!” another girl said, not realizing the time. Nearly every restaurant would be closed by now.

“Wait, Bridgey, I thought you were going to be the designated driver tonight,” another girl said, pouting her oversized lips.

Bridgette mentally rolled her eyes as the girl called her Bridgey. She didn’t always like these girls, but they knew how to have a good time and it was an excuse to go out and get high instead of being depressed and high in her apartment. Plus, most of them knew some great places to party. They had their perks and for now while she was trapped in this town, she might as well live her best life and stick with the crew she got. It was better to hang out with these clueless hens who barely knew a thing about her than to be with anyone else who truly knew her.

“I know, but I kind of thought I’d be going home with someone else tonight, if you know what I mean,” Bridgette replied. “And besides, I was the designated driver last weekend.” It wasn’t technically a lie. She was supposed to be the designated driver last week, but instead she threw back three shots as soon as they got to the bar before anything else could happen. “Maybe you could do it since you can’t hold your tequila?” She gave her friend a sickeningly sweet smile that was borderline snide. The other girl let out a huff and was about to protest.

“Who wants to do shots of tequila?!” Bridgette half yelled so the rest of the girls could hear her. Her squad all looked at each other and screamed in excitement as they all ran for the bar. She did a round of shots and then leaned her head back as the blood began to pound in her ears. Everything sounded tinny and hollow. As she looked around, the whole world melted like a burning candlestick. It was like the mirror in the bathroom where everything was distorted.

Only this time instead of all the dirt and filth of the glass, Bridgette began to see every color in existence, or so she thought. It was like everything was in a kaleidescope. Different colors and crystals and auras. And, after all the shots she did, time didn’t seem like a real concept anymore. Bridgette was light as a cloud and felt free as a bird. Everything she saw and heard was a burst of highly saturated colors. Everything was bright and airy. It didn’t mattter what she saw, only that feeling that it gave her. Nothing could ever replace real magic, but this came pretty damn close.

She wasn’t sure how long she was out or when and how she got home or if it was even her home. Somehow, Bridgette landed herself of a couch. Whether it was her own or someone else’s, that didn’t matter. A some point in the night, she did another line of Pixie Dust, just to get herself through the night and into the next morning. Sometimes, she’d take some of it during the day to get through her shifts before going right back into it at night. She just needed that high, that spark in her veins, to get through the day. Anything for the familiar sensation of magic in her blood, a reminder of better days and simpler times. 

That was all that mattered.

[scotchymemes]

Hannibal Season Two Sentence Starters

Now my inner voice sounds like you and I can’t get you out of my head. I assume it’s easier to suspect that I’m responsible for those murders than to accept that you are. I am the unreliable narrator of my own story. I’m not interested in a pissing contest with you, (...). I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like I almost know you. Saving lives is just as arousing as ending them. I’m not asking you to believe anything you can’t prove, I’m asking you to prove it. I want to surrender while I still have my dignity. I’ve always found the idea of death comforting. I can’t make pain go away but I can make it so that it doesn’t matter. Who does he have to kill before you will open your eyes? I’ve convinced myself of something that took me a long while to see. By my experience that means a lot of people are lying about a lot of things. I feel like I’ve been watching our friendship on a split screen. You tried to kill me, (...). It’s hard to not take that personally. I wonder how many more people are going to get hurt by what you do. If only every problem could be solved with a simple Waltz. A tragedy is not to die, but to be wasted. The way you think I am isn’t always a reliable way to believe who I am. I would like to remain not dead for the forseeable future. When you wake up, your only choice will be to run. Doing bad things to bad people makes us feel good. I would change many things, but not that we ended up here. Everybody loves a sinner redeemed. At some point almost every society believed birds carry our souls into the afterlife. It won’t feel the same, (...). It won’t feel like killing me. This is not the reckoning you promised yourself. A life without regret would be no life at all. Most of what we believe is motivated by death. Hollywood is a fine place for the obnoxious and wealthy. You failed to murder (...) because you still love him. I’m not having this or any other kind of conversation with you, (...). I enjoy putting a face to the name. I can guarantee you there’s a really good explanation for this. I provide the ingredients, you tell me what we should do with them. This animal tastes frightened. What does frightened taste like? Fire destroys and creates. It is mythical. It’s common for killers to revisit their victims after death. I think a child may be what we need to bring us closer. If we were truly considerate of a pig’s happiness, we wouldn’t eat them. Whenever feasable one should always try to eat the rude. You don’t want me to have anything in my life that’s not you. Nothing makes us more vulnerable than loneliness. Don’t fool yourself into thinking (...) is not in control of what’s happening. I am convinced of my general lack of trust in people. When the fox hears the rabbit scream, he comes running, but not to help. When the moment comes, will you do what needs to be done? What we do for ourselves dies with us, what we do for others lives beyond us. Will you save (...) for me when I’m gone? Reality doesn’t go away just because you stop believing in it. You would deny me my life? Fate and circumstance have returned us to this moment, when the teacup shatters.