#going to lie in bed for like a week
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#ill be back laterrrr#december just aint my month haha#trying not to get so burnt out bleh#also not posting wips anymore i think i'll stay motivated to finish SOMETHING lol#loz#totk#legend of zelda#master kohga#yiga clan#age of calamity#going to lie in bed for like a week#too anxious to check my msgs im sorrrrry
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Customer service voice Dream because @pigeonstab is an absolute genius
#UTDR#UTMV#My Art#Dream Sans#I cannot get over this dude like it's SO HIM#I'm so hyped about it I need to draw 50 images of this#But I have to go to bed so just these for now lol#I don't know how we feel about Dream who smokes he might be just saying that as like a ''fuck my life'' kinda thing#I haven't decided yet I need to lie awake thinking about it for 2 more weeks#Poor man is so tired he needs a vacation#Tell your brother the war is on pause so you can go to the beach and sleep in the sand#Speaking of sleep I must go goodnight everyone!!
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We have Big Travel tomorrow and on the one hand yayyyyy (partners at the end + love partners + love travel + ONE MONTH VACATION FROM ADULTING AT HOME FOR REAL) on the other hand aaaaouuuughhhhhh (waiting mode + anticipation anxiety + we've been teetering on the edge of burnout for weeks and right now have very little compensatory ability for if anything goes off plan) on the third hand we've literally done this many times before and have Coping Skills and will be fine even if there's problems but. Yeowch I want to get started on the trip NOW!!!!! but nooo there's sleep in the way and everything
#saltposting#We can go lie down at 2am at the earliest given when we finished eating so that's some unwanted buffer time too...#I think I will be reasonable and go get our evening routine done Now and I can do extra packing if I get it finished early#that'll be that much less rush tomorrow morning which. Even going to bed at 2 we'll be getting a decent amount of rest#(assuming we don't get hit with insomnia but it's still lying down chilling so better than scrolling or being up and about)#and ample time tomorrow morning to eat breakfast finish packing and wash our dishes before we leave#but truly the more time we have tomorrow morning the better because feeling rushed is stressful +++ and also#because getting up ~9:45 when we've been waking up round 11:30-12 for the past two weeks is probably gonna hit weird LOL#it's due to we've been so exhausted & swamped that having meals and going to bed on time is like this herculean effort#and we had a major sleep cycle disruption on Thursday. So we've sucked ass at sleeping our circadian-mandated hours of 1-3/9-11#will still take that minor sudden readjustment over waking up any time before 9 though that's evil for real#anyway. I'm off to go get ready for bed and maybe do some packing :3
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I’ve had gastritis on and off for five weeks now and I want it to stop pls 😭
#tw food#two of those I wasn’t able to do anything but lie in bed 😭#and I haven’t been able to eat normally for five weeks someone make it stop#I can’t eat anything but potatoes and porridge#I’ve never been this sick before omg#and the worst part is it gets worse with stress so I can’t even properly go to uni without it getting really bad#I just tried going to my seminar and I had to go back home bc it got so bad on the way there that I just wanted to cry 😭#I hate it here#also I can either take my medication which makes the gastritis better but makes me feel sick#or not take my meds to not feel sick but then the gastritis comes back 🤡#also did I go to a concert two days ago even tho I probably shouldn’t have? yes#did it make it worse again? yes#but I’ve already missed one concert bc of this I’m not gonna miss more#do I have a show in like 5 days again? also yes
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life hack!! shift your sleep schedule up two hours by being so bored and depressed that at 10pm five nights in a row you find yourself thinking "the only way to salvage this day is through the sweet oblivion of unconsciousness" and then immediately going to bed so you don't have to figure out another way to pass the hours ✅
#yes usually i go to bed at 12:30-1ish. i realize 10pm is not a weird bedtime but it is quite different than my norm#usually this doesn't work because i get in bed and then just lie there unable to fall asleep. but lately i've been out almost immediately#it's working so well. i'm sleeping more than 9 hours a night and that's 9 whole hours i don't have to be thinking about anything!#sleep#the ol' clinny d#in other news i have started rewatching joy of life. save me joy of life joy of life save me#joy of life bring some joy into my life. or something joy-flavored i'm not picky#artificial joy flavoring is fine#anyway i had a social thing scheduled for this evening that was going to eat up like 4 whole hours but it was just cancelled#uh-oh! back to the drawing board#i could do 10 weeks of friday and saturday nyt crosswords. that should take about 4.5 hours#but what i should probably do is my laundry
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really feeling like i don't get enough credit for not completely blowing up my life whenever something goes wrong. i could have tanked my future a hundred times at this point and yet here i still am. fucking going to work
#once my mom was complaining about something and i said 'you ever get the urge to just burn it all down and start over?'#and she looked at me kind of horrified and said 'no?'#so you know. that's how i learned that that's not everyone's response to setbacks#anyway. i would like to scream andd break everything i own and throw shit at the wall#and lie in bed for a week and not talk to anyone#but instead i will go to work tomorrow. i will keep going. i will not tell my boss to go fuck himself#and i feel like for that i deserve a medal. maybe $1000. a fucking break even
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aughhoug h h .. . .. i've been SOO sick since wednesday.. . .
#my flatmates have been sick a lot so i was honestly just counting down until it was my turn.. .orz#i hate that i rarely get sick but whenever i DO get sick it's like... Time To Die i guess? ?#f.ex. like last may when i got an ear infection So Bad i was hospitalised for a week haha#man i've literally done nothign but lie in bed and sleep since wednesday#like i've been up a coupla hours here and there to inhale some water and both ibuprofen and paracetamol#and whatever nurishment i could scrape by while scrolling tumblr and watching some yt#before going back to bed and passing out again#i also haven't showered since i got sick cause i've been afraid of blacking out while IN the shower#cause like yesterday and friday it was so bad i couldn't stand for more than like 5 mins without starting trembling and getting dizzy.. .#the same ear i had an infection in last year also closed completely up so now i can't hear Anythign on that side#both my flatmates where like !!?!?!? when they heard and kept asking me if i needed to go to the ER again :'^)#but luckily i think it's just a symptom this time and not the cause#live love laugh or whatever#worst part this time around was that i hadn't been grocery shopping At All since the friday Before! so i had like No food#luckily one of my flatmates got me something yesterday 💙#wait actually the worst part is that i missed 1. an appointment 2. work 3. a birthday dinner#and 4. a birthday party where they ended up going to see a drag show 😭😭#anyways i Think (🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞) that i might be feeling a bit better today so hopefully it'll clear up in not Too Long#does fish make noise??
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I was about to FINALLY finish two diff drafts I’ve had for both Toji and choso respectively but then realized Bakugou’s bday is tomorrow and I felt guilty so I stopped andjdkdjjwjd now I gotta finish a draft for Bakugou to upload 😔😔😔😔
#I was like ooohhh finally got some writing juice in me before going to bed#and then the Guilt hit me.#I think it’ll have to be short tho bc I’ve had no ideas for him lately LOL#I have a draft from like last year so I might finish that#I had a long fic I started but my head has been throbbing all day 😭#I’m gonna crank out three fics next week ON GOD 🤞🏼 (lie)#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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blood 👏 draw 👏 complete 👏👏👏
i 👏 fuckin 👏 survived 👏👏👏
then 👏 i 👏 got 👏 a 👏 milkshake 👏 because 👏 i 👏 was 👏 so 👏 brave 👏👏👏
#im a medical mess#heheheueheuheueheu oh im so relieved to be done with this.#i havent needed blood taken in a hot minute but i used to get it done like. literally once every week or two. and oh it kills my mood lmao#esp because this facility doesn't have a table/bed i can lie down on while they take it and sometimes ya gurl faints#'medical trauma' or wHaTeVeRRRRRR#OH. WELL. IT'S. OVER.#but now im getting back into my pjs. im eating a snack. im going back to finishing this vhawke thing#we 👏 stay 👏 sillyyyyyyyyy 👏
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2 weeks by myself fire up the blorbo rotisserie rotating rack 🤞🤞
#it's like I can see my top 3 blorbo pairings. and I want nothing more than to write something. anything. for the love of god.#let me drown again in march.ly & dono.linc & din.cobb. just LET IT HAPPEN GODDAMNIT#if I had 2 weeks to myself 3 years ago I could have written like 6k fic for each no lie#now I'm like lol I hope I can get a paragraph of the march.ly wip done! IT SUCKS. I HATE THIS! IT'S EVIL.#erin explains it all#doesn't help that I am *checks clock* 4 hours into having the house to myself and my mom has already called me like it's an emergency#to tell me her internet is out#I was like woman I have sopping wet hair I had to shower after I worked out#I have allllll my bedding in the wash & dryer rn#like I CANNOT just drop everything to come over cause you refuse to learn shit all about the internet#so I have to go over there tonight to fix it. love that for me#anyway. say a prayer for me to the fic gods that I can clack out SOMETHING with the time I have
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love my leather boots sooo much.. polishing them at weekends is my favourite chore by far I always look forward to getting to do it :-)
#just re-lacing them rn so theyre ready for work tomorrow theyre so shinyyy muah#when my next payday comes around im gonna get a second pair so im not putting as much strain on the leather by wearing them everyday#but i think im gonna go for a different colour to my standard black.... ik solovair do similar ones in burgundy or bottle green hmm#well i have a month to think abt it before i decide!#red is my go to accent colour but green would probably fit better with my work wardrobe... and i do wear work clothes 5/7 days a week#anyway.... i need to meditate and then sleep. i usually settle down for bed 9:30 but im a little wired cuz new med change#so ive been putting it off until i feel actually tired so i wont stress abt not being able to fall asleep and then make it worse#i will probably feel pretty tired at work tomorrow but thats okay i dont have anything taxing scheduled#feeling so much better now this weekend is behind me. ik next weekend will likely be difficult again but im more prepared for it#i need to book myself this trip as well before train tix get too expensive so i have smth to look forward to next month....#just debating whether i actually want to invite other ppl or not. itd be rly nice for everyone to come but with recent events i feel-#a little delicate abt social stuff and i dont want to stress myself out and get insecure bc its meant to be a treat for me#like if i invite other ppl itll become their trip and suddenly im in the backseat third wheeling them all#and ill wish i had uninvited myself so they would enjoy it more etc but the POINT is its smth i wanna do!!!! for me!!!#we'll see how this week goes. i dont rly feel ready rn to unmute their server yet tho bc ill just make myself upset abt next weekend#letting sleeping dogs lie for now... ill come back around eventually it always takes some time to recover from mood swings that intense#okay now goodnight! xoxoxoxooxo#.diaries
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I've been trying to get this fucking degree for 7 years, suffering basically nonstop, taking part in all my classes, even taking extra ones, I think at this point I more than deserve them just giving me my bachelor's. I've done ENOUGH.
#lily talks#it has been a day#Have what might be my last exam ever on Friday and ahahahhah#I only got one attempt to pass it or I'll have to do an oral one and I would much rather die than do that#And I've put myself through almost 2 weeks of suffering from being unable to do basically anything other than lie in bed and stare at the#ceiling bc I am so stressed but enemy number 1 aka my brain refuses to let me sit down to properly study but at the same time i'm not#Allowed to do anything else because I'm not studying like I should be and I just am miserable#Anyway I've been a mess this entire time and NOW 2 fucking days before the exam the professor announces there will be another date in late#To take it instead#COULD YOU HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS ANY EARLIER??????????#I am so tempted to switch the date because I barely studied and I feel like shit but i already suffered so much for this and then I would#Just have to do it all again#But I really can't afford to mess it up either bc I don't think I would recover from that. Genuinely.#I am so unbelievably done with all of this. The degree. uni. Constant stupid pressure from everyone about when I will finally be done.#Not even daring to think about the financial aspect because I would just cry#I feel so dumb for having a meltdown before any test situation I ever found myself in because you would expect that AT SOEM POINT my brain#That at some point I would learn to deal with it and cope somehow#Unfortunately I'm starting to doubt that this is going to happen in this lifetime
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(guy who’s literally nocturnal): i didn’t realize i was doing that badly
#my friend came over and did my dishes today#and they told me that this is the worst they’ve ever seen my executive dysfunction#and like. they saw me through college so they’ve seen some shit#but perhaps my inability to get out of bed for like th entirety of the time since I’ve moved isn’t just me being weak and lazy#maybe it’s the logical response to me being off my adhd meds and not having blood going to my brain when I sleep since my retainers stopped#working. maybe I’ll be fine soon#and either way. the fact that i have a friend here to see me and help me figure shit out is just#like fucking me up. i am soooo isolationist and like. I truly can’t even think about the fact they came over and did my dishes cause i know#it’s gonna hit me and im gonna start sobbing#like they came over and i lied down on the floor and they kept being like ‘how can i help’ and i kept saying ‘you don’t need to I’ll do it’#but kept laying on the floor#and so they just started doing my dishes#and like god. I can’t handle that. this person has consistently been one#one of the kindest people in my life and they never just tell me to snap out of it?#and like they’re always there for me specifically during tech week and it’s like no this is my own fault I chose this#anyway I feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me and I want to tear myself up until I find the culprit and stamp it out#but im just trying to lie in bed and focus on the fact that somehow im loved even though i don’t deserve it#anyway I really hope my period is coming because if im just being this insane for fun that’s fucked up
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i've been out of bed for three hours and i am so sleepy and tired all i wanna do is go back to bed
#turns out you aren't really meant to have a period for like 2 months#stop for two weeks#and then immediately start another one#i am so tired and weak and my brain doesn't work real good right now#this is the first day since friday i've been in the office#i've spent the past few days either on the sofa or in bed#this did let me watch the hbmomberguy video#but i wanna be in the office sometimes ):#anyway i think i'm gonna go lie down#at least not being in the office keeps me away from the fiance getting mad at classic wow#which he is currently doing#sir i don't know what those words mean
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Walked out of work today bc long story short a guest decided that she was gonna lecture me/use me & my "abhorrent, disrespectful attitude" as an example of a lesson for one of her student & I decided that standing there & being belittled wasn't worth it
#i only gave her back the disrespect she was giving me. not even as bad as she was dishing either#granted i couldve kept my composure but also she was up at the desk for 45 minutes making a mountain out of a molehill#& among other things in her ''lecture'' she told me that if any of her students or employees acted the way i did they'd be dismissed & fire#she said ''post covid there are PLENTY of people who would be lucky & LOVE to have any work right now'' & i thought#yknow. i love my job. but i dont deserve this. this isnt worth it#so i turned to the food & beverage manager who was the only MOD & said ''actually i think i will go home''#i called my AGM after i left & let her know the whole situation. even told her i understand if im fired or written up bc of this but its no#worth standing there & being lectured & having this lady lie to my face about things i said/did. i dont deserve to be treated like that#the woman really told me ''this couldve been a teachable moment for you'' LMAO lady i will let a LOT of shit slide#but i refuse to be the subject of your lesson & i certainly dont get paid enough to have anyone who isnt management lecture me#it just feels weird though. ive never walked out before. never spotainiously taken the night off. never had a situation like this before#it feels weird having left & it feels weird sitting in my bed trying to enjoy my night when my brain knows im supposed to be at work rn#oh well#my AMG said im definetly not fired & she'll talk to the lady in the morning. i couldnt care less if i was though. theres always other jobs#and to preface i even apologized to the woman both for my behavior & the disrespect. yet she still felt like making an example of me#what a week its been#emma rambles#emma vents#2023 tag
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also:
#in case anyone else needs the reminder ♥#useful go-to rejections that don't feel mean (to me):#'I'm not feeling up to that tonight. Let's do it another time.'#'That sounds fun but I'm in for the day/evening. Thanks for the invite!'#'I love that for you. Unfortunately I am cozy and shall not be moved.'#or lie 🤷🏻♀️ you shouldn't have to but sometimes ppl don't grasp the first part of this post. i wont judge#but make it simple. like 'i have some chores to get done around the house' or 'it's been a long week! going to go to bed early'
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