#golf shirts 80s

[yurtb0y]

waves since you mentioned requests, can you draw ted in like, funky little 80s outfits I dunno theres something about his vibe that just makes me think hes out here wearing some funny belts looking like hes gonna go golfing

HELLOOO ANNON this ask has not left my mind since I got it

Im sorry this took a bajillion years. Anyways it's time for closeups cause I was busting my balls on this lineart anmd listening to nothing but west end girls by petshop boys on loop while working on this.

I didn't fully colour this but I was imagining this fit as like. pink shirt white pants. fruit.

this ones my fav

Also can we LOOK at how hARD I COOKED on these pants like zamnnnn and ofc.

ANYWAYS this was all around fun to draw I have more ideas and feel free to send in more asks even if I'm slow rn from artfight I promise i'll get to all of them

ALSO ik in the game timeline AM wipes everyone out around 2012 but in my mind the short story is 100% set in like the 70s-80s

If y’all like this artstyle my commissions are now open!!

[najlepsiznajlepsich]

tolerate it.

pairing: carlos sainz x reader

word count: 5.5k

warnings: cursing, age gap (9 years), alcohol consumption, angst, loosely inspired by tolerate it by taylor swift

author's note: this my first ever published fic!! woohoo!! star = time skip, sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language. (had this sitting in my drafts for a long long time)

☆

The bright yellow light shone right in your face. Regret was the only thing that you were feeling right now. Your brother just had to have a big party for his birthday, only inviting his friends, and you, for some reason. 80% of these people were strangers to you. 

It’s like you were totally out of place, cursing your brother in your head. Until you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned around. “It is you!” the man in front of you said.

Carlos. The guy you had a crush on years ago. You didn’t even recognize him at first. But you could recognize that Spanish accent in a crowd full of people. His voice was like a lollypop, reeling you in to hear all his sweet whispers.

He wasn’t the 17-year-old boy playing fifa with your brother. His tight shirt highlighted his muscles, his face was grazed by a light stubble and his deep brown eyes had an emotion in them you haven’t seen before. 

Eyes, in which you wanted to get lost, scanned your silhouette. He threw his arm around your shoulders. His touch was a burning sensation dancing on your skin.  

You also weren’t the 8-year-old girl with pigtails, who sat around just to spend time with them.  “Well, you’ve changed since I last saw you.” “Yeah Carlos, that was ten years ago.”  He laughed and you swore the same butterflies flew around your stomach, just as when you were a kid.

Fuck. He still had the same hold on you. Still the same fool after all. 

☆

You opened the front door to your (your parents’) house. His laugh echoed in the hallway as you took off your shoes. Carlos is here.

“Y/N!! HELP ME!! He is cheating!” your brother shouted as you walked into the living room. “‘m not cheating!!” Carlos mumbled, and your brother, who can’t handle losing, restarted the game.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?” Carlos exclaimed. “MAYBE ‘CAUSE YOU’RE CHEATING!” your brother yelled back, an evident smile on his lips. A throaty groan escaped the lips of both guys. Their friendship was something you saw bloom into a close bond. Their arguments sounded just like the ones they had 10 years ago. 

And if it was a different day, maybe you would stay there and just watch them. However, your tired legs carried you to the kitchen. From the fridge you pulled out a bowl of fruits you cut up this morning. 

The laughter of those two man-children was still heard. One of them brings nostalgia and some old-forgotten feelings back. Still loved him after all.

“Hey? You ok?” a small voice next to you asked. You didn’t even notice when he entered the kitchen. Shit, how and why did you zone out. Could’ve avoided him. Well, not him, but this conversation. “Yeah Carlos,” you mumbled out.

He opened a drawer, looking for something. He grabbed a pack of popcorn, threw it into the microwave, and leaned onto the cold kitchen counter behind him. A buttery smell hit your nose pretty quickly.  

Not sure, if it was because of that, but the awkward atmosphere shifted into a comfortable one. It reminded you of the moments from your childhood and his teenage years. The raindrops bounced against the glass of the window. It calmed you down until you heard the microwave beeping and got a mini heart attack.

“Can I have some?” you asked shyly. He didn’t answer, just pulled a second smaller bowl. “Wanna go out golfing tomorrow?” he asked you, as he handed you the popcorn, his voice just barely above a whisper. You looked up at him from your bowl of fruits.

“Just me, you and your brother” “All right” you smiled. “Want some?” you pushed your bowl with cut-up fruit in front of him. He grabbed a piece of an apple.

“Delicious” he moaned as he placed it on his tongue. You giggled at his antics. He really hasn’t changed. “From your garden, right? I remember this taste.” 

He picked up the big bowl of popcorn and straightened his back. “You sure you wanna golf? It’s weird you’re not complaining about it-“  “Go away before I change my mind.”

☆

You leaned into him as you laughed at his joke. His smell was intoxicating, you wish you could smell it throughout your whole life.  He placed his head on yours and you swore you were in a dream.

“Carlos,” you spoke quietly, “you remember when we went golfing?” He smiled at the nice memory. If only you knew he remembered everything. 

The hairstyle that you tried on for the first time, your outfit, the way your eyes sparkled when he said your swing was nice, the pinkish-red sunset you had to take pictures of. He wished you’d take pictures of him, but you didn’t. But, shh, you were taking pictures of him. Just in secret, and for yourself. 

“Yeah, of course I do. Our first date.” “Well-“ “Yeah, I lied to you, your brother was never invited.” You smiled. That was not a new info to you. Your brother was such a gossip. He could never keep a secret. This just confirmed it.

“So you planned that! Carlos!” He couldn’t even be mad at you. The way you said his name made him feel like he was the only person on the earth. He kind of was in your eyes.

“Now look at us babe,” he said and you sat up to take a sip of your coffee. This was your new favorite activity. Laying down on the outside couch, drinking coffee, and talking to your boyfriend, Carlos.

“Half a year went by fast, didn’t it?” you asked, as you handed Carlos his mug. “Because we’re together,” he smiled at you. The same butterflies, you had ten years ago and also 7 months ago, appeared in your stomach.

“I love the coffee you make, it’s laced with something, isn’t it?” You smiled at his dumb joke “Only with love.” “You’re so cheesy, I love you so much.”

☆

“We can split it.” Carlos grinned as he walked into the closet. There you were, sitting on the floor with suitcases all around you. “I don’t want to mess up your clothes,” you whined out and Carlos sat down next to you.

“You won’t mess up anything, just let me help you unpack,” he said with a smile. You started pulling out clothes and you both put them in the drawers or hung them up. Carlos had a bit of a judging era and gave opinions on nearly everything.

His meanness went away when you picked up a white tennis skirt, the one you wore to your golf “date”. “Why haven’t you worn it since?” he asked, voice laced with confusion. “I don’t know,” you answered and folded it up. His gasp made you look at him.

“This is the dress you wore that time we went to try out the new ice cream shop!” he smiled at you and put the dress on a hanger. “You remember that kind of stuff?” you asked him genuinely. Who would’ve thought he was this attentive? “Of course I do,” he placed a kiss on the top of your head.

After spending at least three hours lost in the sea of clothes, you walked out of the closet. Ecstatic, that’s what you both were. Finally moved in together. You already put some of your decorations in his living room. But, the hallway was too empty for your liking.

“Carlos, can I hang some artwork here?” you called out to him in the kitchen. His head peeked around the corner. “Sure, let me help you.” He disappeared and then quickly reappeared with the tools needed for it. He hung up all of them.

“Thanks for letting me hang these up here” you thanked him, your eyes looking to the ground. With his finger he made you look up at him. “Please, it’s the bare minimum” he whispered. That was definitely not that. 

He pulled you into a quick hug, then turned around to look at the art. “They are really pretty. Did you paint these?” he asked, his voice soft. “Yeah, some of them last year and some a long time ago” you laughed. 

“I like that one the most” he giggles, and points to the one that was a portrait of him. “Okay, that was painted last week” you rolled your eyes. “You’re so in love with me it’s funny” “Don’t act like you don’t love me too, Sainz.”

☆

“YOU’VE DONE IT” you yelled as you jumped into his arms. Your boyfriend just won a grand prix. A GRAND PRIX. At that moment you were proud of him like you weren’t of anyone before. This was the first grand prix you attended and he already made it so memorable. 

“It was ‘cause of you! You’re my good luck charm!” he laughed. He smelled like champagne, sweat, and happiness if that even made sense. He held you close and in that moment, you felt you two were the only people on earth.

“My man just won a grand prix,” you whispered into his ear, calming him down a bit. You wish you could be stuck in this moment forever. And while celebrations were fun, coming home was something you both were looking forward to.

Carlos opened the front door to your house, your now colorful hallway greeting you both. He was happy you came with him, but if you didn’t, he knew you would be eagerly waiting for him at the end of the hallway. 

You left your suitcases there and just went to the kitchen to cook up something quick. Like the gentleman that he is, he helped you cut up everything. Your laughs echoed through the whole house. You couldn’t stop laughing even when you were eating, his effect on you was noticeable.

Carlos washed and dried the dishes with you. Ugh, such a gentleman. His mother raised him right. You tiptoed to your shared bedroom, heading straight towards your bathroom.

“Do you want a facemask too?” you asked as you felt his body behind you. He became shy all of a sudden. “I mean- If you want to and have one for me,” he stuttered over his words and you laughed. You couldn’t comprehend how he was so shy at times.

The cold feeling from the mask hit your face. He put on his mask too and smiled at you. “You’re so cute.” He loved watching you do your skincare routine, he was just so mesmerized by you. He sat on the edge of the bath, his eyes never leaving your face.

He was studying everything, and making a mental note to himself about which stuff is for your eyes, lashes, lips. He knew you like his favorite song. His mask was pulled off way later than your own and he headed straight towards your comfortable bed. 

You ran after him almost instantly and plopped right next to him. Your breathing synced up and you could feel a smile forming on your lips. You tilted your head to look at Carlos, to find him already looking at you. Only smiles were exchanged, no words needed.

You loved this. The comfortable silence with him. You never felt so relaxed when you didn’t know what to say. He threw a blanket over you two and you wriggled out of it.

“Carlos we have to change into pyjamas.” “No, we don’t have to baby, come cuddle.” He stretched his arms out towards you. Pulled under the covers again. “You’re lucky I love you,” you muttered under your breath and he giggled. You both got comfortable pretty quick.

Now no one could pull you out of here. “Good night, princess” his lips tickled your forehead, as they placed a quick kiss.

☆

You heard the door opening. He was finally home. You ran down the hall and threw yourself around him. A little peck from you landed on his cheek and he returned it. There was sadness on his face. Something you haven’t seen in a long time.

“What’s wrong?” you asked as you led him to the table where he had dinner waiting for him. His favorite food. “You ate already?” he asked when he noticed an absence of a second plate. Changing the conversation. Wow. So original.

“Carlos. Answer my question.” “I finished out of points.” He grunted as he sat down. You let out a heavy exhale and sat across him. Could’ve been worse.

“Don’t beat yourself up because of that. You’re a great driver, it just wasn’t your weekend.” “Well, it hasn’t been my weekend for a long fuckin’ time.” He mumbled under his breath.

Sometimes comforting him was like consoling a child. You didn’t know what to say and just watched him eat from his plate. You hated when he was like this because there was nothing you could do about it. Either he’d get over it or just be quiet for the whole day.

You stood up from the table and walked slowly towards the kitchen. You knew this wasn’t your fault, but it felt like that. You sat on the counter, looking out of the window. His footsteps echoed through the room. He carefully placed the plate into the sink and his hands gripped your hips.

“Y/N,” he started his sentence, “I’m sorry.” You lifted your gaze to look at him. Your eyes were glossy, and that’s when he knew he fucked up. “It’s really not your fault, I shouldn’t be acting like this.” “It’s fine.” “No. It’s not.”

You knew it wasn’t fine. It tore your heart apart to see him in a shitty mood. He brought you into a hug. His cologne enveloped you and you buried your head into his chest. His fingers played with your hair as he stroked your head.

A tear fell onto his hand when he pinched your cheek. You wanted to speak up, but you couldn’t find your voice. Carlos was one of the people you wanted only the best for. “Please-“ you finally spoke up, “just talk to me when you’re feeling bad. I swear it’s better for us both.” He exhaled and looked down at you.

“Should’ve told me sooner,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have to tell you that,” you thought, as you wriggled out of his hug.

☆

“Come on! We’re gonna be late!” he yelled out as you walked out of the bedroom. His eyes scanned your body. “Oh. We can stay home if you want,” he changed his mind pretty quickly. You had to pull out the new dark red dress for this occasion. 

Today was your 3rd anniversary, and Carlos, the great boyfriend that he is, booked a table in the most expensive restaurant. You ushered him into the car. You weren’t running late, but you were on the edge of that. 

Quiet calming music filled your ears. The ride wasn’t supposed to be long. It felt like that though. You were looking out of the window, your eyes scanning the new buildings you didn’t see yet. Carlos’ hand landed on your thigh. That gave you a weird feeling of comfort. But, it didn’t last long as he parked his car. 

He got out of the car and then ran around it to open your door. You blushed at the act and placed your hand into his. “Let’s go, ma’am,” he said and you laughed. You got through the reception and the waiter took you to your table.

Carlos really took his time with this. The table overlooked the city of Madrid, all of the city lights shining brightly. It looked beautiful. He pulled out your chair for you and you giggled.

“So what can I get for you?” the waiter asked, as you both sat down. “Just a non-alcoholic beer for me, and a bottle of wine for my lady. What kind do you want?” he asked. He knew which one you always ordered, but he didn’t want to risk getting something you wouldn’t drink. 

“Red wine. Please.” You smiled and opened the menu. “Is that all for the drinks?” he asked and you both nodded quietly. “I’ll let you pick out the food,” he turned around on his heel and strutted towards the bar. Carlos smiled at you.

His smile was something that warmed your heart every time. He grabbed your hand and drew small shapes with his thumb. He always knew how to comfort and calm you. You broke eye contact with him and admired the city, while he admired you.

The waiter came with the drinks and took your order. You ordered something simple like always. You started eating together, the conversation topics floating effortlessly.

He was in the middle of telling a story about the crazy stuff he did with his cousins when his phone rang. ‘boss’ was the name that popped up on the screen and you chuckled. “Hold on, I have to take this,” he said and walked away from the table. You continued eating.

Something was off when 20 minutes flew by and he wasn’t back. Finished the food. Still nothing. Drank your bottle of wine. Nothing. An hour has passed and still nothing? You stood up and went towards the bar.

“Hey, do you by any chance know where my boyfriend is?” you asked, completely desperate for an explanation. “He paid your bill and left,” the waiter behind the bar said, with a calm expression. You deeply exhaled and walked back to the table to grab your purse. You stormed out of there.

What the fuck? Why didn’t he tell you anything? You were sitting there like a dumbass for an hour, waiting for him. You called yourself an uber, and while the drive was awkward it was definitely better than sitting in a car with Carlos.

“Got stood up?” the man asked, his gaze focused on you in the mirror. “No, It’s complicated.” “Relationships are complicated,” he laughed. At least that made you feel a bit better. Again, it wasn’t a long drive so you were home relatively quickly.

You walked into the hallway, which felt a bit colorless than before. Your shoes came off quickly and you threw yourself on the couch. Defeated, that’s how you felt. A tear slid down your cheek.

You woke up in your bed next to Carlos. He carried you upstairs. He looked peaceful. So pretty. You hated that you loved him so much because you could forgive him anything. Your brain was fighting itself, you didn’t know what to do.

Carlos was everything to you. First crush, love, relationship. But this really hurt. It was like he didn’t even care about anything. Your bed felt hard as a rock now. You couldn’t fall back asleep. Turning, flipping your pillow, and blanket.

You tried everything. Still up. Your brain was filled with Carlos. Did he not realize how much this would’ve hurt you? Work is important, you get that. But you couldn’t even get a heads-up that he was leaving?

You were mad and sad, and the tears you pushed back that evening came out. And they weren’t stopping anytime soon. Everything dawned on you all of a sudden. You grabbed onto your blanket and wiped your tears into it.

And you were 12 again, crying over a boy who didn’t like you. Your heart shattered into a million tiny pieces and you wished the man, who was lying behind, would pick them up and glue them together. You fought the cry, which nearly came out of your throat, and reached for your phone to look at the time.

The phone brightened up the whole room and you groaned out. 4:55. Too soon. Apparently, you weren’t the only one who was surprised by the brightness because the man next to you turned to face you. He was still sleeping.

Thank god. You didn’t want to deal with him this soon. You put the phone back on the nightstand and snuggled up under the covers. You felt his arms wrap around your waist. Somehow, his touch lost that warmness and you felt goosebumps on your whole body. You didn’t know what to do.

Another round of tears rolled down your cheeks and you never felt weaker. He had an effect on you. It used to be a positive one, but now you weren’t sure if you could continue with this.

☆

Where was he? The question brewing in your mind. Yeah, he was supposed to be working. But, it’s 10 pm.

Your stress levels were increasing by every second. You were starting to worry about him. The dinner on the counter had already been reheated 15 times by now.

You sat down on the cold floor, staring at the ceiling. Your fingers fidgeted with the string of your sweatpants. Anything could’ve happened to Carlos and you didn’t know.

Your worries were cut short as a knock landed on the front door. You shot up from the spot you sat on and ran towards the door. Your keys jingled as you tried to unlock the door as fast as possible. The handle probably left a dent in the wall from how fast you opened it.

And there he was. Carlos with Charles by his side. You threw yourself into his arms and he hugged you back. “Okay Carlos, you’re home now. See you tomorrow!” Charles said carefully and slowly. He turned on his heel and walked rapidly back to his car.

As the front door closed, Carlos still didn’t let go of you. Oh, he’s drunk. You brought him to the kitchen and sat him down on a barstool. “Come on. Eat. Or you’ll have a massive hangover.” He ate slowly, talking about his evening to you.

You stood on the other end of the counter, looking at him like you were a disappointed mother. Arms crossed on your chest gave you a feeling of security and comfort. Something you need right now. As he was finishing his food, you decided to speak up about something you both dreaded to mention. 

“Why did you go to the bar? You told me you were gonna come home immediately after work.” He looked up at you like he was a deer in the headlights. “Just wanted to go out with the guys after a tough day,” he said like he couldn’t figure out why you were mad. You just exhaled, not saying anything. But, your stare spoke a million words.

“Don’t tell me you’re mad because of that.” He spoke, as he handed you an empty plate. You bit into your bottom lip and turned away from him - towards the sink. You turned on the water, so it flowed slowly as you washed his, and your plate that was in the sink for the past three hours. Carlos scoffed.

“You got so boring. What happened with you?” You ignored his drunken indiscretions and continued scrubbing the plates. He sat in silence, at least until the water flow stopped. You grabbed the closest dishcloth, not wanting to turn to see him. There were tears in your eyes, threatening to spill out of your eyes at any second now.

“You know Y/N,” he started, “you changed. You aren’t yourself. You used to be so fun.” You swore you felt like someone had stabbed you right there, and you were starting to bleed out. Maybe past or sober Carlos would help you, but this one just wanted to put another knife through you.

“It’s like you don’t even care about my feelings, I never have fun anymore.” And there it was. The tears spilled from your eyes like a waterfall, and if your heart didn’t break before, now it definitely has. “I can’t even have fun anymore.” He mumbled and walked out of the kitchen.

A sob escapes your lips, and the salty drops cover the newly polished plates. You kept polishing them over and over again, breaking down even more in the process. That job was like a never-ending one.

His hurtful words were on repeat in your head and you swore your knees started giving out. More sobs filled the room, but you stopped crying, once you heard faint footsteps.

“Are you coming to bed or are you gonna keep polishing those dumb plates.” His tone was harsh something you have never heard before. “I don’t want to sleep next to you tonight.” You whispered into the air. “Night.” He grunted and turned off the lights in the hallway. You finally put the plates in their place. 

“Second time you’re falling asleep on the couch.” You thought to yourself as you sat down. You felt like crying again, but there was nothing that could come out. You reached for the blanket on the other end of the couch and found a comfortable position.

What else could you think about, other than your boyfriend? You knew he was drunk. He probably didn’t mean it. You’ve done some shitty things while you were drunk too. 

But, what if it wasn’t just the alcohol in his blood. Were you boring? Did you change? Were you good enough for Carlos? A singular tear fell on the pillow.

You wish you could just fall asleep, not think about Carlos for once. It helped you fall asleep most of the time, but it was also your greatest enemy in times like these. You hugged yourself, but nothing could generate the heat Carlos hugged you with. A sob left your mouth.

“Can’t fall asleep. Please Y/N,” Carlos’ voice scared you. “Please,” he begged again, and you stood up. He let you lead the way, slowly walking behind you. You threw yourself into your shared bed. He just sat down on the edge.

You looked at him for a second, before turning on your other side and falling asleep. Carlos just sat there, looking out of the window. He finally laid down next to you, falling asleep nearly immediately with the familiar body right next to him.

☆

Family dinners. Something you both hated and looked forward to. Your mom handed you plates, and just ushered you out of the kitchen, to the backyard.

Your cousins and you neatly set the table, talking about stuff that happened since you last saw each other. You felt like a kid again. Everyone finally sat down and started eating. You felt terrible and your face probably showed it, because your aunt asked the thing you did not want to hear.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” she asked genuinely and you just shrugged. You were defeated. You always attended his family events and he couldn’t even come on time to yours? You swallowed a lump in your throat.

“Probably at work,” you said, not even looking up from your plate. “Huh. Asshole.” Hearing your brother mutter out that about his friend shocked you. Your mom nodded and your dad just sighed.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the table. You preferred this over them calling you out. But, it’s a family dinner after all. 

“I know you love him Y/N, but that age gap isn’t great,” your cousin proclaimed. “He isn’t treating you right, younger you would never take that disrespect.” Another cousin agreed with her. You finally looked up to see the whole table staring at you. You didn’t know what to say. Maybe ‘cause they were right.

“You could’ve spent your twenties partying, and you’re with that guy.” Your dad spoke up. And you knew it was bad when he commented on it.

You exhaled deeply and opened your mouth to talk, and your brother already had his head in his hands. It’s like he was getting ready for whatever you were going to say. “ You love to just hate on everyone and everything, right?” every pair of eyes looked away from you. Your phone vibrated in your lap and you grabbed it. 

“I’m in front of the house.” You stood up from the table and became the center of attention once again. “You don’t know him like I do!” you shouted as you slid-opened the glass door.

“I know him too well!” your brother yelled out. You slammed the door and ran up to your room. “Give me 5 mins” you typed out with tears in your eyes. For those 5 minutes, you just sat on your old bed, trying to calm yourself down. Your feet swiftly carried you downstairs.

As you were about to make a turn for the door, you saw Carlos sitting in the backyard, laughing with everybody. You walked outside, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I let your boyfriend in, if you don’t mind” your brother joked making everyone laugh. Are you going absolutely fucking crazy? Just a few minutes ago they hated him, and now they are making it seem like you had a problem with him.

You swore you were gonna go insane, but you just sat down smiling at your family. It’s fine. Everything will be fine. But as the night went on, it didn’t feel like that.

He was ignoring every ounce of affection you gave him. Acting, like you didn’t exist. And now you were regretting defending him so much.

☆

You were in the middle of the unspoken routine you and Carlos adapted during the last few days after a big fight. You cleaned up after dinner, while he read emails and work-related stuff.

He fell asleep because his soft snores filled the entirety of the living room. You grinned and your heart broke at a thought that popped up in your head. You sat on the barstool, and it’s like he felt like you were watching him, because he woke up and opened up his book, continuing with his work.

Observing him was more fun when you two weren’t mad at each other. That isn’t the case today. He ‘studied‘ the whole book, and you just sat there until he closed it and placed it on the coffee table. You were internally fighting yourself.

Was this a good idea? Is it going to be absolutely worthless? You couldn’t even predict how you were gonna act, how could you know how was he going to react?

A little voice spoke quietly in your head. It’s going to be better.You were walking towards the hallway when his deep voice surprised you.

“Are you not even gonna say anything?” All the pent-up anger made its way to the surface. “You should say something!” you spat out, putting the emphasis on you. He looked down.

“Are you really making yourself the victim?” you continued. “What the fuck are you talking about?” he asked, not realizing you were one dumb question away from breaking down.

“YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS RUINING THIS,” you strutted towards the couch, “and you’re not even realizing it.” He stayed quiet, waiting for whatever you had to say next. “You used to actually care about me” You shed a tear and he stood up to hug you. But, you just pushed him away.

“Don’t pull that shit, Carlos.” He exhaled and sat down. “I gave you everything!” you shouted. “All my attention, all my time, my energy, I gave it all! And you did nothing with it!”

You took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. Something in them screamed: When will she finally calm down. And that angered you even more.

“I don’t know shit about your life anymore! You don’t tell me anything! I have no idea how Ferrari is doing or what happened in the paddock. If you can’t even share the most basic information, how the fuck can we function as a couple?” you asked a rhetorical question. You didn’t want him to answer.

“It’s like my love and me is just extra weight on your shoulders. Is my affection annoying? Huh?” he looked up at you. You loved his deep brown eyes, but now you wished you could jab them out.

“I never you felt like that-,” “Yeah, of course you never know. It’s like you’re blind. Or maybe you just don’t fucking care! So stop acting like you do.” His clueless eyes scanned your hurt face.

Maybe he actually didn’t know. But, it’s not like that was an excuse. He deeply hurt you, and there was no apologizing he could do that was enough.

“Please let me make it up to you” he pleaded, his voice cracking nearly every word. “I swear, I didn’t mean it.” You burst into tears.

“No... Just let me end this.” Words rushed out of your mouth before you broke into another sob. Now, he was crying too. This just broke your heart more.

“You wouldn’t...” he spoke quietly. “I would,” you looked him in the eyes, “and that’s what I’m doing right now.”

“We’re done?” he asked like a little boy.

“Yeah, Carlos. I’ll pick up my stuff." You said as you walked through the hallway. The only thing you picked up, were your keys. You smashed-closed the front door and sat in your car.

You couldn’t bring yourself to drive away. Leaving all the memories behind you. Most importantly, the 7-year-old you that would swear he was your soulmate. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. 

☆

[abbystanaccount]

My ratings and opinions on all of Abby’s skins featured in The Last of Us Part II Remastered! 

(An early review copy was provided to me by Playstation)

Abby‘s OG outfits are all cool and it’s nice to swap them out whenever! However, it’s not all her outfits. But they missed her long sleeve golfing outfit, which is a tragedy. 8/10

They fitted Abby’s younger outfits to her older body! This is exactly the type of tank top I wanted to see on Abby and it’s always been one of my fave outfits for her so I’m so glad they did this and it looks amazing. The little braid is also so cute. 9.5/10

But the polo just doesn’t fit good imo 4/10

The sunglasses are sick! I like most of the details added on the jacket, though some of the patches I’m a little meh on. LOVE that it says “Salt Lake Crew” on the back. I wish they changed up the jacket a little more but they get a +1 for using my favorite pants🙏 8.5/10

I’m mixed about this Badlands skin. I like that it uses her short hair, I like that it’s new models, but don’t really like the design of the outfit and the face paint. The skin is bad-ass dystopian looking, but it doesn’t really fit anywhere besides no return or the forest section. 7/10

80s. I love this outfit. I think it’s so cool and badass and all the details on it just bring the look together. It's not really something you expected but it just makes Abby look so damn good. I just wish it had new hair and some nail polish! Also love her necklaces are the Firefly tag and a bullet with "JOEL" on it. 9.5/10

Classic Naughty Dog tanktop. Idk, it’s boring SORRY. At first glance it looks so much like her og outfit with the colors. 5/10.

It’s nice to get some new colors out of Abby’s SB shirt. Some of the shirts look a bit nicer than others but I don’t like that they use her tan SB skin textures, because sometimes the arms and head get mixed up being tan vs pale 7/10

Overall, I was quite satisfied with Abby’s skins! There’s two especially that I love and other new options that I like a lot as well and look forward to using a bunch to take photos in! A couple things changed like a new hair would have really been a homerun but overall 8.5/10

[raindrop-on-a-spiderweb]

Your characterization is so good, it honestly feels like I’ve known them for more than 18 pages. If you still want to, I would love to read more about them! No pressure, of course.

Thank you, I'm flattered you think so! I used more exposition and tell, rather than show--I was trying to ape a certain period of straightforward, gritty 70s-80s pulp novels. Here is another subsequent scene under the cut for you.

***

Randy was perversely happy when he saw the blonde girl's–Sarah Lee? Jenny Jane? No, it was Heidi Lou–belly resting against the slack fabric of her gray cardigan. She had stopped covering herself in thick wool blouses and dresses, and no longer cared that her bastard pregnancy was out in the open. Now as he took her wrist and led her up the steps to his apartment, she was wearing a modest white button-up shirt and knit cardigan, over a pair of jeans that had at one time ridden high on her hips, but now dipped low below her swollen belly.

She'd all done away with her swishy seductive lace dresses, and dressed like a proper woman now. But Randy still might make her wear those dresses in the bedroom. Yeah, even when her belly got too big from the kids and she started wearing those dowdy sloppy dresses old housewives like his mother wore. But he'd still make her wear lace when he had her bent over his bed and fucking her with her swollen stomach hanging beneath them and that little lace dress hiked up above her waist. That lace dress would always remind him of that fated day when he pinned her to the floor and fucked all his rage into her, and fucked every last remnant of superciliousness out of her. It would always remind him of her blue eyes staring blearily up at him, with her legs spread and his hatred leaking out of her.

It had taken a while to get to this point, but Randall was a patient man. A few times each week–"dates" he liked to call them to her face as she dissolved into sobs. Often it was under the bushes near his newest job site, with his hands pinning her arms to the ground as he hammered her from behind and muffled her screams with his arm.

Sometimes it was at night when he threatened his way into her bedroom, climbed into her window in the sea of faceless moonlit suburban houses, and forced her to run her soft fingers across his hard body as they laid beside each other and his prick jutted into her abdomen. He loved the way he could force her to take his length of cock in her trembling hands and guide it to her terrified clenching pussy.

Once or twice, he'd even snuck her into his rented room while his roommates were raucously partying next door. He'd fucked her against the wall then, warning her that each sound she made would lure them over to take their turn with her. He adored the way she tightened up inside with fear. She really was the perfect woman. He thought of his mother, that fucking fishwife with her dull, shiny hair tied up with a scarf and folds gathering on her waist, always nagging his father to throw his beer bottles away. Heidi was a real wife and mother, someone you could show off to your golf club, someone who kept a tiny waist and pert tits even after she'd birthed five kids.

After a month or two, the hatred he'd pumped into her had made a little tyke swell in that flat belly. Randy had been doing her from behind in his apartment bed when he noticed it. One of his arms had been scrabbling for her breasts and the other looking for purchase on her hips as the girl instinctively tried to buck him off from behind. His hand had gripped onto her stomach for a second to steady himself, and the small pooch below her navel fit perfectly into his palm. That was when he realized.

Randy stood still then, trapping her squirming body between his strong, tense legs with one hand sealed over her womb like a knight's iron greave. He was frozen as a statue, then started to fuck into her harder and harder. The thought that there was a baby inside her excited him immensely–a tiny thing that was half of her and him, the living proof of his final domination over her. A little Randall Puchalski junior that he could teach to fix cars and teach to ride a bike– something that his own father had never bothered with–and that he could send off to school with the brand new fire engine red lunchbox that he had always wanted. A kid he could teach to be a man, who could scrape the serial numbers off a gun and sweet-talk a woman and lie with a smile.

Randall fucked himself deeper and deeper into her twitching canal, his heart thudding spasmodically between her shoulderbones. He came longer and harder than he ever had before, so hard he gasped as every bit of energy sapped out of him into her womb–even if it was fruitless to release his seed in her now. When Heidi Lou rolled over sobbing on his moldy mattress, face flushed and hair messy, he batted away her flailing, pushing arms and pressed the side of his greasy black head into her tummy. He could detect only the slightest curve of her midriff as she laid flat on her back, but it was enough. 

You start moving around soon and kicking, son. You're gonna be a tough little guy. You'll give your Mom no end of trouble when you're inside her, just like your Dad.

"Heidi," he told her dispassionately, "you've got a bun in the oven."

The girl wept and wailed and went into hysterics about that, but a few punches to the face–not the belly–quieted her down immediately.

Heidi Lou sat with one arm around her folded leg, the other on her bruising face, staring blankly at the floor as Randall pulled his weathered jeans above his limp cock. "Go tell your parents about it. Right now. Get out of this apartment and march right into your daddy's law office–or wherever that rich cocksucker works–and tell him some dirty trainhopping tramp knocked you up."

"I don't–I can't–"

He slapped her open-palmed, feeling merciful enough not to punch her this time. Her face was constantly puffy with bruises, and he wondered how she kept explaining it away to her parents. Soon, she wouldn't even have to.

"Can't what?" Randy taunted. "Are you gonna flit around like the airheaded cunt you are and pretend everything is hunky dory until you're ready to pop? Denial is a river in Egypt. 'Oh, muddah and faddah, it was just a one-night stand'–but you don't have those. You're a GOOD girl. 'It was just my old boyfriend'–except you don't have a boyfriend either, because you're a GOOD girl. You only have me."

That sent her into another full-blown sobbing fit, and Heidi Lou wailed as she grasped and tore the sides of her ragged red hair. He helped her along by gripping the back of her scalp and yanking her face to meet his.

The black coins of his irises met her disintegrating, disbelieving blue eyes.

"I don't think your mom and pop are too big on bastards, especially when it comes out of their perfect golden child. So I think it would be better if you told them now you've found a man to shack up with. I don't give a shit how you explain it to them. Tell them I helped you look for your dog and we got busy in the bushes. Tell them you met me at the mechanic's and we did it in the back seat. Tell them I raped you on the floor of your house. I don't care. You're going to walk down the aisle anyway."

"I'll get rid of it," Heidi Lou hissed in a sudden display of defiance.

Her words made Randy freeze still. Heidi Lou's eyes had hardened into chips of ice, and she drew her legs back and tucked them under her to lean forward on her wrists and look him in the eye. "I'll get an abortion. It's gonna be legal soon anyway, with that woman's case making its way through the Supreme Court. I'm not going to have your disgusting child. You can shove your filthy cock as many times into me as you want, but I'll never birth whatever degenerated thing you force into me. I'll do whatever it takes to rip it out of me–it will be like squashing a tadpole underneath my heel, do you hear me?" He had never heard such hardness and cruelty in her voice before, and it shocked him into an uncomfortable silence.

Back in Chicago when his parents still dragged him to St. Stanislaus Church, he remembered the priest telling him something very clearly. Father Janek with the mole on his cheek, and his whispery voice that made the hair on his arms stand up, making him shift and fidget in the pews until his mother whispered he would be sorry when they got home. It was just after the little M's died, when he had approached the priest to ask if his little siblings were in heaven.

“Randall, I am sorry,” said the stern little man. “When babies die before they have a chance to receive God's eternal light, they cannot come to heaven, or know the light of God's love. You see, they have not been freed from original sin--they haven't been baptized. So they… they live in limbo. It's not a good place, or a bad place. They're not hurt–God would never do that to a baby–they just… exist.”

That stunned Randall and haunted him for weeks afterward, listening to his mother sobbing over his little brother and sister that had died before they were born. Their rooms had been right beside each other, and Randall had stayed awake for hours listening to his mother crying and praying. Why did little Mark and Mary go to limbo? He had wondered as his brother snored beside him. They're just little babies. Why can't they go to heaven?

Randy thought about a piece of him, a part of his body, his blood. He thought of his frown and lips and cheeks, floating forever in purgatory and crying alone into a vast dark space. Something that belonged to him; something that was she was predestined to carry inside her womb as a woman should. But this woman was spitting bile, denying her natural place in life and threatening to send his child–that part of him– to a thankless, godless place forever.

Randy didn't like that. He didn't like that at all.

He reached down beside his mattress, into the pocket of his green army jacket, and took out a rusted revolver. He leveled it against Heidi's sobbing crinkled forehead.

In a quiet voice, he said, "If you get the scrape, I'll fucking kill you for it. I'll put a bullet into your empty blond head and you'll go to hell for it. You'd go to hell for killing your baby."

"If I go to hell," Heidi said quietly, "Then I'll meet you there. And you'll never meet your child there either."

His words sent him into an internal spasm. He remembered the streets of Chicago, the Rican kid gurgling on his blood, the dago's face puffed and purple until it looked like a Halloween mask as he dealt the finishing blow to his neck with his boot, the lady at the shop who screamed as he pulled the trigger in the midst of a robbery, and the old black man crumpling facedown on the street when he took too long to get his wallet out, his blood spreading in a pool over the concrete. He thought of his baby torn so soon from Heidi's womb, those genes that were his, that belonged to him. Never being able to hold it in his arms.

This was his last chance, and he had no other choice.

In a roundabout way, Randall's cold, self-centered mind realized that this was his only chance at salvation and a normal life. Cheating and crime were second nature to him, and he would never take an honest way if there weren't a quicker and more illegal one. Ironically, that was the reason it made so much sense to him to do what he realized he would have to do. Becoming a hard-working man, contributing to his community and living an honest Christian life would ensure his survival. Fire and brimstone lit up in his mind again, like he was back in St. Stanislaus Church with Father Janek.

Neither did she.

He lovingly rubbed the barrel of the gun against her blond head. "Are you sure, honey? You sure you want to die? I've killed a lot of people. You would be just another tally on the board. Imagine… a little blond woman found in a flophouse with a hole in her head leaking blood over the floor and a cunt full of cum. What would such a good girl be doing there? Obviously she'd come to sample some working class dick and paid the price for it. The Sherriff would seal your file, especially if he knew your daddy. Everyone would quietly brush your life under the rug. Aunt Heidi? She died before you were born. My daughter? She died unexpectedly. You would be a black mark on your whole family."

Randy pressed the barrel harder into her crying face. "Would you rather die than have my kid?"

In a fraction of a second, he jerked the gun to the side and fired once. A bullet buried itself in the thin plywood an inch beside her head.

Heidi stopped crying abruptly, her high-pitched sobs ceasing with an eerie finality. She looked into his eyes with a dead understanding–the same look she had given him on the floor of her kitchen that one fateful day. She said nothing, but he knew her decision had been made.

He cupped her face between his calloused hands and kissed her gently on her pursing, twisting lips. His tongue slipped between her wet lips to lave softly at the inside of her spasming mouth. He tasted the salt of her tears, and it made blood pump through his dick.

"Go and let your parents know, and your preppy brother, and your pig uncle. You're gonna marry me and have my baby. And see if you can convince them soon enough so that you won't have a bowling ball for a belly as you walk down the aisle."

[intersectionalsports]

The Bachelorette Season 21 Ep. 8

Jenn cannot help herself from seeking validation from the most emotionally unavailable man on the planet (Marcus)

NEVER tell the producers you are afraid of heights because they've had Jenn skydive, walk on the outside of a tower, and fly in a helicopter twice

Jonathon needs to tuck in his shirt wtf is this look

Jenn talking about her relationship with her culture growing up in America makes me feel so seen

This Manta Ray date is so cool

Marcus is 80% of the way through breaking up with Jenn and she tells him she loves him.

I hope Jenn doesn't end up with Devin at the end cause he told Jenn he loves her and she didn't say it back and his worst fear was she was going to tell someone else she loved them AND IT HAPPENED if they are together right now i hope they can work through this episode

Do they pay Jesse Palmer overtime for doing therapy for the contestants? The man just wanted to golf in Hawaii in peace

[r0binxx11]

Attack On Titan boys head-canons! <3

<modern>

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1. What artists/music they would listen to

Eren Jaegar: Eren without a doubt would listen to Destroy Lonely and that genre in general.

Armin Arlert: Armin would listen to softer music like MacDemarco. He would mostly listen to chill, cool and soothing music. I could also see him really liking love music.

Jean Kirschtein: Jean would listen to Kendrick Lamar and hip hop in general. He knows all the words to most of his songs as well.

Connie Springer: Connie I feel like would mostly listen to female rappers. His favorite artists would be Megan the Stallion or SZA. I feel like he would have a big crush on SZA for sure.

Levi Ackerman: Levi would be more into classical music or music that had a classical element to it. He wouldn’t really have a favorite composer either he would just listen to any song.

Erwin Smith: Erwin wouldn’t listen to music often but when he did he would for sure be into 70s-90s music. He would be like Levi in the way he wouldn’t have a favorite artist.

Reiner Braun: Reiner listens to a lot of motivation up beat music so i envision him liking rock and his favorite artist being Metallica because he’s basic. However, when he’s not working out, you can catch him listening to Beach House or Lana Del Ray. He often hid his liking of them to others.

Bertholdt Hoover: Bertholdt would listen to very indie music in my opinion. I cna see him being very into The Buttertones. He liked the feeling the songs gave him.

Zeke Jaegar: For some reason, I can’t imagine Zeke listening to music >< If he had to though it would be Sublime or anything like that.

Porco Galliard: Porco would definitely be into 80s-90s rock but he would also very much enjoy artists like Post Malone.

Colt Grice: Colt would listen to Mac Miller and Hers. He liked listening to music to vibe to. He loves to play both artists full blast.

2. What style of clothing they would wear

Eren Jaeger: Eren would most definitely be wearing cargo pants with straps and buckles on them. He would most likely also be wearing expensive sneakers such as brands like Nike or Steve Madden. He would probably wear oversized shirts along with regular silver chains and necklaces.

Armin Arlert: Armin would rock the soft boy aesthetic in my opinion. His wardrobe would be filled with different colored sweaters. Occasionally underneath the sweaters he’d have a button up shirt. He would also wear a lot of cardigans of multiple colors. As for his pants, they would be either corduroy pants or khaki pants. For shorts he would wear golf shorts/khaki shorts. As for his shoes, they would be vans low top or converse low top.

Jean Kirschtein: Jean would without a doubt dress like a basic white male in my opinion. He would always wear the branded clothing. I imagine him wearing a green nike hoodie a lot with either sweatpants or shorts. He would be like Eren in the aspect where he would wear the more expensive sneakers.

Connie Springer: Connie would wear tank tops or regular tshirts on a daily basis. I also see him wearing flannels a lot either tied around his waist or on him. I could also see him wearing Hawaiian shirts. As for pants, he’s got regular blue jeans or sweatpants. He occasionally wears beanies too. As for his shoes, Connie would wear timberlands or regular sneakers.

Levi Ackerman: Levi would wear regular long sleeve shirts that were either gray, black and navy blue. He would wear regular black pants usually with a black and silver belt. As for shoes he doesn’t really care at all. Since Levi is a germaphobe, he has house shoes and outside shoes. His house shoes were slippers haha and his outside shoes were regular sneakers. He likes to dress comfy and clean. I also think when it’s time to be formal, he’s very formal.

Erwin Smith: Erwin would definitely dress with a more formal style. He would wear button up shirts mostly white and dress pants usually black. Erwin would also wear brown dress shoes that were never dirty. He’d wear a golden watch at all times as well. Always well dressed definitely.

Reiner Braun: Reiner without a doubt is a gym rat. He’s constantly working out. I see him mostly wearing tank tops or regular t-shirt’s. When it gets colder out I think he would wear long sleeve muscle shirts too. Reiner mostly wears sweatpants too. I feel like he also wears a lot of oversized sweatshirts. As for shoes, I think he just has simple Nike or Adidas shoes that are just to his comfort.

Bertholdt Hoover: Bertholdt would definitely be wearing fandom t-shirts I think. He would wear regular basketball shorts or sweatpants. He would have on socks and sandals most of the time as well. Since he’s so tall he of course owns many oversized shirts and sweatshirts too!

Zeke Jaegar: Zeke would regularly wear simple khaki pants that were mostly a tan color. His torso fashion would range from tank tops to t-shirts to sweaters. I feel he would wear rings and bracelets as well. Zeke would either wear dress shoes or regular sneakers. He would really wear anything.

Porco Galliard: Porco’s wardrobe would consist of a lot of plain t-shirts and tank tops. He would always have a jacket on him too. I think he would wear regular cargo pants. As for his shoes, he would have on timberlands on or doc martens. I also see him wearing a watch or unique bracelets.

Colt Grice: Colt would have a ton of oversized shirts that were pastel colors. He would also like to wear shorts a lot which were pastel as well. He wears sandals or nikes pros as well. I see him having a couple of necklaces and bracelets but nothing too fancy.

3. How they would confess to you

Eren Jaeger: Eren would lowkey just outright say it casually. It would just be you two alone doing anything from walking around or cuddling, playing video games etc., and he would just outright say 'I love you' or something like that. On the outside he wouldn't seem nervous but on the inside he would be anxious that you wouldn't feel the same.

Armin Arlert: Armin would be so anxious to confess to you. He would be worried that he wasn’t good enough for you and he was very nervous of your response. He would plan out how he was going to confess to you and go over it again and again. He would definitely confess to you at a planned time in a romantic spot. Armin might even bring flowers or something like that.

Jean Kirschtein: Jean would act casual about it even though he clearly would be nervous. He would tell you exactly how he feels with all of his heart. He would do it verbally in a place where it would just be you two only.

Connie Springer: Connie thinks he’s already charming enough to pull anyone but not too cocky. When it comes to somebody he genuinely likes, his confession would be him being really scared and outright saying it. He would do it near the end of a hangout or possibly out of no where.

Levi Ackerman: Levi has lost so many people that he’s scared to loose you. He would often try to hide his emotions for you in his head and try to make them disappear. When he couldn’t make them disappear he would end up deciding to confess. He expected you to say no but when you said yes he couldn’t help but feel happiness. He would do it verbally and in a space that was quiet and comfortable.

Erwin Smith: Erwin would always give subtle hints that he liked you. He would confess to you in a formal manner. He had the perfect words to confess and he was so romantic with it. He would do it on a beautiful night or sunset. He’s a very romantic with it.

Reiner Braun: Reiner would be sort of uncoordinated with his confession. He would be all over the place with his blushing and lack of eye contact. He was scared of rejection and it took a lot of nerve for him to confess to you. He would do it in a random place as well.

Zeke Jaeger: Zeke has heavily hinted all of the time that he liked you. He would confess in a serious way and wanted an answer if you liked him back or not. He manifested the answer to be yes. He would confess and then immediately ask you on a date.

Bertholdt Hoover: Bertholdt, like Reiner, would be very nervous with a lot of blushing. He would maintain eye contact however he would end up stuttering a lot and then spitting it out. He would confess to you whilst you two were walking around or hanging out at one’s house.

Porco Galliard: Porco would try to act tough on the outside but would ultimately end up blushing. He would plan to confess at the end of a hangout when he would drop you off at your house. He’s always had a little bit of Tsundere in him and it was surprising that he confessed first.

Colt Grice: Colt would be extremely nervous and would want to do it over text. He would text you his confession and the next time you two were to hangout he would bring you flowers. He would be very nervous but it was a cute nervous.

4. How they would react if somebody hurt you (emotionally/verbally)

Eren Jaeger: Eren would most likely give the person the dirtiest most intimidating look ever. He would quickly remove you from the situation and stare them down as you two walked away. Later he would contact them and tell them off.

Armin Arlert: Armin would try to avoid any conflict with the other person and comfort you as much as possible. Armin would let you vent to let it out if you needed to. Like I said he would try to avoid conflict unless you wanted him to talk to the person.

Jean Kirschtein: Jean immediately take your side. He would step in front of you and tell of the person. Afterwards he would down grade the person who hurt you comparing both of you and how you were so much better.

Connie Springer: Connie would definitely start to go off on the person but then catch himself and try avoid the situation by leaving. He would try to change the subject and try to get you stuff to make you feel better.

Levi Ackerman: Levi would without a doubt make a couple threats. He would raise his voice a little bit as well. He would be angry that somebody would hurt you and quickly tell of the person. You being hurt would bother him the rest of the day and he just wanted you to be safe and happy.

Erwin Smith: Erwin would try to sort out the situation. After he tried he would help comfort you and let you cry on him if needed. Erwin would do whatever you asked to make you feel better.

Reiner Braun: Reiner would get extremely angry almost into a fight. Thoughts of you being hurt pissed him off so much. He would tell you that if anybody tried to hurt you again to tell him and he’ll take care of all of it.

Zeke Jaeger: Zeke would do the same as Levi kinda did. He would just give the person a intimidating scary stare but instead of raising his voice he would talk very calmly. Afterwards he would ask if you were okay and offer to do more about the situation.

Bertholdt Hoover: Bertholdt would be very upset that you got hurt and felt badly because he didn’t really know what to do. He would let you vent and let it out and offer to make you food or take you somewhere and just trying to do the bare minimum.

Porco Galliard: Porco would be pissed. He would make you go somewhere else while he went off on the person. He didn’t want anybody hurting you so he would make himself clear with the person by yelling in their face. Later he would still be pissed and would keep asking you if you wanted him to do anything more about it.

Colt Grice: Colt would try to handle the situation calmly and once he caught himself feeling more aggressive, he would exit the situation. He would calm down later and help you feel better by doing anything you asked.

5. Where they would take you on the first date

Eren Jaeger: Eren would want a more private date i feel like. He would want it to be a movie night at one of your houses. He would definitely buy the snacks and choose the movie. He would be very direct and put his arm around you but also respect boundaries.

Armin Arlert: Armin would have a picnic date. He would choose a peaceful quiet spot on a nice day. He would bring your favorite flavor cake along with your favorite fruits. He would hold your hand a lot and constantly admire your beauty.

Jean Kirschtein: Jean would take you out on a dinner date. He would choose a more fancy place but not too fancy. Afterwards he would walk around the city or town with you and just talk and bring you home making sure you’re safe.

Connie Spinger: Connie would take you out on a carnival date. Connie likes all rides except the zero gravity rides and it’s super embarrassing for him. He’d win you a plushie and buy you cotton candy/corn dogs or whatever you would want. Near the end he would offer to go on the ferris wheel for a very romantic ride to see the sunset.

Levi Ackerman: Levi would be very picky with where he would take you and would end up just asking you what you would wanna do. Wherever you would decide to go he would be fine with it. He would occasionally try to put his arm around you or hold your hand as well.

Erwin Smith: Erwin, like Jean, would take you on a romantic dinner date. He would take you to a very fine restaurant and make sure to get the best seat. He would also get the finest food and make sure everything went how you wanted it to go. No doubt, he would get you flowers and make sure they were your favs. He would ALWAYS make sure you get home safe.

Reiner Braun: Reiner is a very active person. Deep down he would wanna go on a gym date but he would come to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be a good idea and settle for just a bowling night. Afterwards he would drive you home and made sure you made it inside.

Zeke Jaeger: Zeke would want to make you happy so he would take you on a shopping date. He’d take you to your favorite mall or place to shop and let you pick out things you wanted. He would help hold your bags and also hold your hand.

Bertholdt Hoover: Bertholdt would have a videogame date. When you would get to his house he would have a nice room set up with tons of pillows and blankets in front of a TV with two controllers. He would also get snacks and drinks for you. During the date you two would lightly cuddle while playing fighting games, racing games etc. At the end of the date he would ask to see you again and would watch you walk to your car/away.

Porco Galliard: Porco is more of a morning person so I could see him taking you out on a brunch date. He would take you to a cafe and pay for everything not even giving you the chance to offer. Afterwards, he would take you on a walk around town and look at very beautiful nature sights. He would hold your hand and try to act chill and cool but on the inside he was super flustered and in love.

Colt Grice: Colt would take you on a movie theatre date. He would make sure to get the best seats in the back and get a large popcorn for you two to share. Colt would wanna see a horror/thriller movie and get scared when there were jump scares. He was very embarrassed by it but you thought it was funny.

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Thank you so much for reading <3

I’ll be making one of these but for the girls sometime soon !!

//Let me know if I should do another one of the boys !! ^_^\\

[lixxen]

FNAF Security Breach Uniform Designs

For the last ten years I've been absolutely obsessed with FNAF. Lately I've been obsessed with the idea of what the Pizzaplex uniforms would be and how awful they probably would be (plus I wanted to cosplay a worker). So I decided to do a deep dive and create the most obnoxious uniforms ever.

I may actually make these very slowly and cosplay them at conventions. I was slightly inspired because of an artist on here does an xReader fic and I didn't see them in a specific uniform really, maybe besides a few accessories. So here we are. The most ugly FNAF uniforms you will ever see and I WILL expand to jackets and name tags on a later date.

(Explanations and designs UTC)

So, to preface I wanted to say that I am majoring in PR and social media management, so I have a little bit of an idea of how branding and marketing works. I've also have worn the most ugly uniforms in minimum wage jobs, so I do know that corporate companies do not care if they put their employees in the most ugly thing as long as it is on theme.

Things to consider:

What did uniforms for establishments in this category looked like over the years?

Are you doing specific uniforms for specific areas of the Pizzaplex?

What color pallets are branded to each character?

What aesthetic are you going for?

Establishments

For establishments, I chose Disney (theming being important and a big establishment that would hide skeletons) and Chuck E Cheese (animatronics and specifically the time frame). I did a deep dive on Chuck E Cheese and their uniforms in the 80-90's, which led me to doing a ton of Ebay and WorthPoint searching along with watching old taped birthdays from the 90's.

I personally believe that Fazbear Entertainment wouldn't stray from the bright and manufactured look that they have going and are very cheap, plus the glamrock phase was in the 70's. And companies tend to be very late to trends. So we can take these the fact that they would be ugly and bright uniforms that are severely outdated and put that together.

With this, you get something that looks like this (all being CEC besides the screencap of the movie trailer):

I used the idea that each area of the Pizzaplex would have its own uniform, much like Disney. So I assigned each of these uniforms a different animatronic's area (Roxy's Raceway, Mazercize, Superstar Daycare, Monsty's Wild Golf, and then for Freddy I did Rockstar Row). I did one general staff shirt, which is also very ugly.

Color Pallets

This was very simple. I just chose colors from the animatronics/their sign logos and then made a simple color pallet.

This process was easy enough and I made sure to give myself a few colors for some of the ones that had multiple shades or similar hues.

I didn't do Bonnie, only because he wasn't in the game. BUT, I do have a design in mind for him. And it is actually the least ugly one.

Uniforms

Each uniform comes with a polo and either a full cap or visor. You will wear them with either black or khaki colored pants or shorts, held up with a black belt. Black shoes. Then you will have a matching apron. The aprons I have not designed yet, so they will come with the others I am going to design.

Here are my ugly designs.

I hope y'all remember that they're supposed to be god awful and poorly drawn. I am not spending a ton of time perfecting them. I debated on putting the logo on the arms also, so that is an alternate design.

They're supposed to be ugly, not make sense other than theming, and just be obvious copy paste designs made just so they have a little bit of differentiating.

If anyone wants me to go deeper into it, I will. I'll make more shirts and make them even worse.

Please guys they're supposed to be poorly drawn and obnoxiously not good designs. I am using my shitty knowledge for bad

[massivechildtidalwave]

things heard in my freshman year OF MARCHING BAND

I feel like a sassage 

Shame is powerful, if something isn’t listening to you shame them.

Today we are talking about who has the best shakes and if you say Zach after a bad rep your cut

“You can get anything at Buckys” “you can’t get Coc-“ 

“Everybody cLap your hands!” “Clap his cheeks”.  ….”sorry what.”

“I’m a fetus!”

“Come on everyone were doing foundations outside. If we all gather into the dry spot we can do it!”

“The IRS has hired 80 new agents, everyone let’s not pay our taxes! Make them do their jobs”

“Wanna see his toe pics” “shows a colorgaurd rifle.”

“Yeah! You bumped me during lunch! Your hair touched me! YEAH!”- homecoming court”

“God forgive me for the jokes I have made they weren’t good”

“The only thing I throw is throw down” “the only thing I throw is when I throw my life away” 

“You already have a hole so let’s just make it bigger” throws Someone on the ground after seeing a small hole in their uniform.

“ I hate it but my brother is getting married” 

“I don’t hate that he’s getting married I just hate that he isn’t going to be here”

“They installed a stereo in my head”

“Pick them up! if a tuba smashes a low g it’s going to die”

“No! We are not “All in this together” we are playing symbols!”

“The keys are made of wood, so they can break easily. That’s why we need to wrap them- “as easy as the resonators disconnect?”

“We don’t want to see Pinocchio in there!”

“If lying would cause your #### to get bigger like Pinocchio’s nose” 

“ I would lie all the time-“ “No honey I didn’t sleep with the neighbor”

“We’ll wait for the hallways to clear out… and for Jacob to stop kissing his girlfriend in the Hallway

“(Our school names) front ensemble featuring the winds!”

“Where’s Jeniah Jean, the real loud voice of the southeast “

“One day this movie will be studied, shrek was a cultural reset”

“I am waiting to yell at someone. If an adult does something At universal, I’m screaming at them. Hey sir there are teenagers! I don’t like how you are looking at those girls sir.”

“What you think you are, a dollar store Chris brown”

“ can we just forfeit” “everyone get sick at the same time”

“Band is a cult” 

“You were watching porn on the bus!”

“You were showing pornhub on your screen”

“Shes the person who would be like “is this chloroform?”

“ they wouldn’t know how to spell drum if it was in their birth certificate”

“She’s five four with shoes on, has four ear precings, is dating Trey’s brother.” “Wait what” 

“Could be a white superemist”

“ could you not I got hit by a golf club when I was a child.”

“ suck my right nut and make my left nut jealous.” 

“If your gay and you know it clap your hands!”

“One time it was raining so hard people got out their shampoo and conditioner and took showers in the rain. I was one of those people so..”

“He said ‘you live in the Arby’s dumpster’l

“We should start adding slay bells to pep tunes.”

“No you don’t want to give that to her, she had an eating disorder that makes her eat inanimate objects. She’d eat the lid” the girl-“and the plume and the box and this hat” “that’s a lot of violence”

“My (short study period nicknamed free the school mascot for freshman) class is super racist” “this class isn’t much better.”

“The donuts are there if you want to sample them at your own risk”

The door is closed “this calls for skipping”

“ I don’t see Seth. You know that may be because of he’s height… sorry that joke just wrote itself”

“If you were wearing a Nike shirt we would be asking when are you going to just do it right”

[cyborg-franky]

A mini date? Obviously with my big beefy cute old-ass roger please 🫣

YES for you my loove.

The flowers he brings you

What he's wearing. Okay lets be real he looks like something out of a 80s power ballad. Frilly shirt that's open and showing off his chest hair, a big hat and flared pants.

Where he takes you

PIRATE THEMED MINI/CRAZY GOLF!! He fucking loves this. He also looks like he could work here. He loves how fun and silly it is, he'll be buying drinks and you guys won't even keep score whose winning because it's such a wild night.

He kisses you on the lips, his mustache tickling.

[mysteryinkkat234]

Same as it Ever Was (Eddie Munson x Reader)

I don’t know how many times I have to repost this story but I will continue to fight to be seen on this page, no matter how many times I get shadow banned. Let’s talk about how I’m treating stories featuring Eddie. He is a comfort character, I can say he is my ideal boyfriend. If I’m having a hard day and laying in bad sulking, I think about Eddie wrapping his arms around me. And thanks to my new job, it was built in the 80s and has that 80s aesthetic (because they’re too lazy to change it up. To keep it anonymous, it’s an entertainment center, with an arcade, bowling, roller rink, mini golf, go-karts, and laser tags (also bumper cars but no one like bumper cars), it’s a place to host a kid’s birthday party. It is the perfect setting for a Stranger Things/80s story. So let’s just cut to the fluff and expect more stories more related to my job. I hope you enjoy 

Also Stranger Things fandom, here’s how my fluff(sweet) and smut(spicy) works, if you check out my masterlist, you’ll my other stories and how I label them. If you have any Eddie Munson request, hit me in my DMs, don’t be shy. Anyway, enjoy my first Eddie story :) (Also I’m catching up with the series finally, wooo!)

Gender-Neutral Reader (You/Yours)

(Warning: A bit of spice at the end but the rest is also bittersweet, venting fluff)

Once in a Lifetime - Talking Heads

“Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground”  

That night was…weird, that day as a whole was strange. You were cuddled up with your boyfriend Eddie, messing with his mop of a perm like always, but you didn’t look like your typical, happy self, you looked…somber. Eddie knew he didn’t want to see his Precious ball of energy so sad and tired, that’s not a good way to end the day. He pressed.

“Why the long face, sweetheart?” He asked, cupping your cheeks, squishing them a bit, making you do a fish face. You exhaled, softly laughing. You started to smile again, and a sigh of relief came from Eddie. “Seriously though, what made you so down, babe?”

You sighed, leaning into his chest, still toying with his hair, your other hand toying with one of his rings. You would fiddle with his rings if something made you anxious, and judging from how slow you were turning it around his finger, it was something that made you feel…indifferent? “I don’t know…it’s just been,” there was a long pause, trying to find the right words to say. You let out a deep sigh, “it’s been a weird night…before I came over.”

Eddie tilted his head, he combed through your scalp, placing his chin on the top of your head. “Was this about your parents,” he asked, you nodded slowly, “was this about us dating?” He asked again. There was another pause until you shook your head. 

“I mean, technically it was about us, but not like, negatively,” you stood up, breaking Eddie’s embrace, “during dinner, I told them about our date to the movies, about how we got an intense sugar high from all that soda and we were laughing like a bunch of drunk idiots.” you laughed a little louder, recalling you two getting weird looks from the movie-goers, but you didn’t care.

Your laughter faded and your smile was gone, remember what happened…after. “I told them everything and there was…nothing. Not a ‘glad you had fun’ or any snarky comment, just…silence. It felt so off because dinner is never like that. We’re always talking about what we did that day, we have something to add to the story but just…nothing.” you felt tears trying to come out.

Eddie though had a fast reaction time. Without another word, he pulled you into a tight embrace, he could feel his shirt getting wet from your held-back tears. He tried to calm you down by rubbing your ear, his rings grazed your skin, giving you a chill.

“Do my parents hate me now?” You asked a bit choked up.

He bit his lip, figuring out how to word his answer. “Honestly…no,” you looked up at him, tears staining your skin, “my advice, don’t think about it too much. Maybe your parents had a bad day and just…don’t want to talk about it. We all those days. Maybe tomorrow, things will go back to the way they were.”

“God I hope,” your speech was muffled by his shirt, gripping onto it so hard making him lean closer to you, you both started to chuckle, “for now though, I think I’ll stay here for the night. My room is going to get so hot I’m probably going to have to strip naked.” You giggled.

“Hmm, I think I won’t mind you still getting naked.” He purred into your neck making you squeal in excitement. That night ended with so much girly giggling, a night to remember. Your moments with Eddie, when it’s just the two of you, alone in his room, are something you always cherish.

[julessworldd]

Duff and Tatum

Part 4(?) of my Tatum series.. this is more Duff x Tay

Warnings: wedding, cussing, secret relationship, mention of sex/fuck buddies, mention of a kid, angst

Duff wanted to go out with me, like old times in college. Duff was having his bachelor party next week with his brothers, the band, Andy. After our little dispute in his office, he’s been making plans for us. But I was gonna fuss about Duff taking me out.

I was finishing curling my hair, well a shitty attempt. The doorbell rang, making my Rottweiler bark. “Sana! It’s just Duff. It’s open!”, I yelled. Sana took off to see her boyfriend, “Hi pretty girl! How’s my baby mmh?”, Duff laughed as he walked to my room. “Wow! Aren’t you the smoke show”, Duff smiled. I blushed, “Thanks. I got another section and we head out ``''Take your time, kid”, Duff sat at the foot of my bed. Sana whined, “Awh is your boyfriend neglecting”, I rolled my eyes. “I’m sorry sweetness”, Duff patted his chest, making Sana jump on his lap. “Duff, you don’t have to have her on you. She’s fine”, I giggled.

“You’re 8, Sana. Time tell your mama you don’t need a chaperone”, Duff kissed her head. “Excuse me”, I shut my curler off.

Duff didn’t tell me where we were going, it was a surprise. Duff was humming to the song as we pulled up to a mini golf course. “You’re joking”, I scoffed. “Nope. Let’s go, Tay '', Duff replied. “Does this have anything to do with the fact I beat you 5 years ago?”, I giggled. “You mean where you and Axl cheated?”

“Oh we’ll see, big worm”, I patted his back.

An hour later, I was walking out with Duff pouting behind me. “You were saying, Michael Andrew?”, I bit my tongue from giggling. Haha shut up”, he mocked me back.

Then we went to the sunset strip, it was alive tonight. Too bad it wasn’t the 80s! I held Duff’s forearm as we walked down. “You okay?”, he asked. “Yeah, I just don’t want to be behind”, I replied. We got a table at the rainbow, “You know it doesn't feel the same with the other boys”, I said. “You’re right. So hard to get everyone’s schedule matched up”

“God, I thought Axl was going to kill Steven that night”, I laughed with tears down my face. “Yeah thanks to me holding him by his shirt”, Duff smiled. “Do you ever think about what if you were a rockstar instead of a doctor?”, I asked. Duff looked at me, “I do a lot actually. I love being a doctor, taking care of people, but I do wonder what life on the road would be like. But working at the hospital I met Susan and fell in love”, Duff said. “True. I’m happy you met your soulmate, D”, I grinned. “So? How’s your love life?” I laughed, “Non existent, McKagan”

“I worry about you” Duff spat out

“Why? I’m fine”, I asked.

“I just don’t want you to end up alone is all”, Duff smiled.

How could I tell him I was going out with his curly haired companion and ex bandmate? And it was getting serious as well.

“I’ll find my person, D. One day, so don’t worry about me”, I smiled.

“Who is it?”

“Huh? Who what?”

“The girl, the dude. Who are they? And don’t lie I know there’s someone”, Duff rubbed my hand with his thumb.

“‘Duff”

“Tay”

“Do I know them?”

I bit my lip

I could see the wheels and gears in his head turning, eyebrows furrowed. Please don’t figure it out. “Is it Steven? Wait, no you don't do blonde guys” “You and Axl would have killed each other by now” “Oh I got you Motherfucker!”, he grinned. “Shoot” I cocked my eyebrow. “Matt” he said, all proud. “No! Gross, he’s my brother like you”, I rolled my eyes. “Well I’m out”, He sighed. “Look, I’ll tell you when I actually know we’re official”, I said.

“You’ll be the first to know after me”, I rubbed his hand. “I’ll be waiting”

Okay! I know what you’re thinking.. “Tatum, he’s your best friend, brother, ride or die. He needs to know” and I agree 100%, but it’s been nice with it being just us. Just that Duff is extremely protective and he goes crazy when he’s pissed. And he told the band I was off limits. But Izzy and I didn’t listen, we’re too busy eyefucking each other to hear that rule.

We were close to our old apartment, “Wonder who lives in that dump now?”, I asked. “I know, I called them and asked if we could go see it”, Duff said. “Wait really?”, I asked. “Yes! They’re expecting us”

“Hi, I’m Duff we talked on the phone”

This ginger college chick smiled, “I remember you. This is your fiancé?” “No, best friend that lived here with me. Tatum, this is g-?” “ Gretchen ``''Right, sorry about that” “take your time. I’m going out, just lock up on your way out”, she smiled.

The living room was nice, the girl had really made it nice and homey. At first we’re together, but Duff was in his old room. I was in Izzy’s room, so many fuck memories came in my head. “You know, you two were so fucking loud”, Duff said, scaring me. “What are you talking about?”, I groaned. “Tatum, the walls are paper thin here. And you two did a shitty job acting too”, Duff said, leaning on the door frame. “Sorry to keep you up”, I giggled.

“I remember coming home to you guys screwing, I had a double at the bakery. Suddenly, the thought of killing Izzy with my bare hands was all I wanted. Something stopped me though”

“Thank you for wanting to defend my honor but you look better in a white lab coat than an orange jumpsuit, Michael”, I grinned, kissing his cheek.

It was late and Duff had to work in a few hours, “Thank you for tonight, I had a lot of fun”, I said as we turned on my road. “You’re welcome, I did too. I miss you”, Duff shut off the engine. “Yeah, I miss you too”, I smiled.

“Tatum”

“Yes Duff?”

“I know I’ve told you this but, just because I’m getting married soon. Doesn’t mean I’m not your best friend anymore or it’s not like in high school and college. But I love you a lot, never told you this or mom. You’re the first girl I’ve ever loved or cared for. I remember complaining to Jon and Bruce about how my stomach and joints went all mushy when I was around you”, Duff confessed, his old childhood love. Similar to mine to him.

“You know I fell in love with you after Jacob broke my heart. I got over it along with my broken heart, but sometime in college I got those feelings back. I’ve never loved anyone like I do you, maybe in a past life we were something more. I’m glad we crossed paths again, thanks for being you and caring so much for me. Susan is a lucky girl to have your undying love”, I smiled, trying to hold back my tears.

“I had no idea you loved me in grade school”

“Looking back, it was probably my heart from being broken and you took care of me. Either way, I love you and would kill for you at any given moment”, I held his hand.

“Ditto”

2 weeks later, Los Angeles, CA

“Axl! Get your shoes on. Duff, do you have the rings?”, I asked.

“Bite me, Lee”

“Yes, Tatum”

Slash grinned at me

Izzy walked in, “Tatum, take a Xanax”

“Or get fucked”, Axl mumbled.

“It might be my wedding day, but I’ll kick your ass for being a dick to her”, Duff narrowed his eyes at the ginger.

“Don’t worry, McKagan. He will be on his best behavior”, Izzy grabbed Axl’s shoulder.

“You have your vows on you?” I stood in front of Duff, straightening his bow tie.

“Yes”

“Okay, I’m gonna go check on the bride to be. Don’t run off in my dad’s Corvette”

I heard Good Charlotte’s anthem and female singing voices.

“Hey ladies! How’s my bride?”

“Tat!”

“Tatum! You look so fucking gorgeous”, Susan said

“I don’t want to take your attention, darling. You look amazing!”. I smiled.

Kayli and Y/n were getting their makeup and hair done

“So what’s up with you and Slash?” Susan asked

I flickered my eyes at her

“He doesn’t know.. I just seen you two outside earlier, remind me of Duff and I”

“I mean, we’ve been going out for a good while now. But we’ve not officially got together”, I replied.

“Izzy is physic” Y/n giggled

“Izzy is not from this world. Did Saul say something?”

“Saul?” Kayli asked

“You seriously thought his government name was Slash?”, Y/n deadpanned a little too similar to her brunette fiancé.

“Saul is his first name, babe”, I giggled.

“Well rich people name their kids weird shit all the time”, kayli said.

“You’re not wrong” I smiled

“Has anything happened behind you two?”

“Besides acting like middle schoolers making out? No” I rolled my eyes

“Wait! Who was that curly haired dude on your only fans?” Kayli asked

Susan busted out laughing

“Oh Ashley? We just film content together sometimes. Anyone else seen my vagina?”, I giggled.

We all laughed together

“Alright Y/n, get your people ready.. and I’ll get my people ready. Let’s get our best friends married!”, I grinned.

“You look gorgeous, really you should be thrown out” Slash whispered in my ear.

“For?” I smiled.

“Out showing the bride”, Slash rubbed my shoulders. I giggled, “You’re silly”

Duff and Matt were already at the altar waiting for us to walk in with Susan.

“How long?” I heard Joan ask.

“On?”

“You and Slash” she smiled

“3 months and no your baby brother doesn’t know”

The music started, “Tatum”, Slash smiled, holding his arm out for me.

Izzy and Y/n walked in first, then Kayli and Steven. Marie and Bruce walked, Axl and Veronica. Then Slash and I.

Duff smiled as I stood next to Kayli.

Then Susan and her father

She was beautiful, Duff was crying. It was like we watched Its a wonderful life as kids. Good reaction, Dr. McKagan.

They were doing their vows, but I felt Slash looking at me.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife, Mr & Mrs. Michael Andrew McKagan!” “You May now kiss the bride!”

We all cheered, clapped, whistled. Pretty sure I heard one of Duff’s nieces or nephews scream an eww. The pair walked down the aisle, our cue to walk down the aisle again.

Everyone was inside at the reception, I saw Duff outside. “Hey you okay?”, I asked.

“Yeah, just needed a second”

“Congratulations, big worm”, I smiled

“Thanks, Mini”

We smiled and stood next to my dad's Corvette, he let Duff burrow.

“It’s Slash”

“What are you talking about?”, i asked

“Tatum Nicole”

“Fine.. 3 months, we’ve been seeing each other but we haven’t actually put labels on it. He’s nice and I like hanging out with him”

“I owe Izzy money now”, Duff deadpanned.

“I didn’t need a congratulations or what the fuck, Michael”, I rolled my eyes.

“Sorry love.. Does he make you happy?”

“Yes”

“Then I approve,'' Duff smiled.

“Thanks, asshole.. it’s almost time for cake and Susan promised me I could mash your face with cake”, I grabbed his hand.

“She did what? Sus!”

Slash was with Steven at the bar, watching his close friend. “So you and the sheepdog?”, my dad asked.

“Hi daddy! Yeah we’ve been seeing each other, he’s a good one”, I held his arm.

“Good.. Bring him to me before Duff has a son”

“Of course”

I found Slash after watching Duff and Susan’s first dance. “Hey stranger”, I hugged him from behind. He groaned, “Mhm hi pretty thing”

I giggled as he turned around to hold my waist, “You single?” I asked.

“No, my mean ass girlfriend is here somewhere”, He grinned.

I blushed, “You called me your girlfriend”

“What?”

“Of course, you’re my girlfriend, Tat”, Slash kissed me. “If that’s the case, my father wishes to meet you”

“The big scary dude? He’s gonna rip me in half, Tatum”

I giggled. “He’s a teddy bear like Dee”

“He looks like Michael Myers and Jason had a son. He’ll kick my fucking ass”

“Only if you break his little girl’s heart, son”, my dad stood in front of us

“Ryan Lee”, my dad held his hand out for Slash

“Saul. Nice to meet you, Mr. Lee”, Slash shook my fathers hand

I felt someone looking at me, I turned around.

It was Duff

“I love you” I mouthed and blew him a kiss

“I love you too”, he caught my “kiss” and grinned

[mfmilligan]

In the Midst #2

I don’t know why in the two and a half months I’ve been here, I haven’t thought to find a radio or anything that plays music. All this time, I’ve been living in unbearable silence and hating it so much. It just makes me so paranoid about going anywhere or being alone. Leaves too much room for my mind to imagine things that would make me more scared. If I had something that could play music, news, or literally anything, things would be a little better.

     I’ve also been thinking I ought to explore more. Like really explore. As is evident by the partial list I gave last time, a lot of this town remains a mystery to me. Mostly because I just walk the streets. Knowing no one is around doesn’t make the buildings any less ominous. Instead, it makes the houses feel like they could be sentient. It’s as if now that no one’s around, the houses have woken up and are watching everything – watching me.

     Anyway, I don’t like going inside. But once I have something to break the silence and save my sanity, I should. There could be useful things in the houses, schools, and offices. If nothing else, there might be clues as to what this world is. Its history, its people.

     If there were people. There would have to be people, right? Why else would all this be here? You can’t have architecture without someone to build it.

     Spent all day and nearly gave up, but I have music!

     First, I looked around the mall. I’d been through every store before, but I just wanted to double-check. When I didn’t find anything, I moved onto the downtown area. It has more restaurants and clothing boutiques, but I figured it was worth a shot. Then I was at the edge of Daisy Hill, checking every little place I could.

     By then, that very faint hiss you hear in town sounded louder. I’m sure it was just me freaking out inside, but it really did feel like something in the air was closing in on me. Trying to block my ears to anything else. It got to the point where I was too dizzy to walk. Plopped under a tree, I looked over at the identical cream houses of Daisy Hill, fearing today would be the day when I’d know them better.

     But as I rose, I saw something lying on the sand of a nearby playground (Blue Jay Playground = explored). It was a Walkman with headphones. At least, that’s what it looked like. The lettering for the brand name was mushed and illegible. That didn’t matter, though. Immediately I tried turning it on. Success! It worked without a hitch and it’s what I’m listening to as I write.

     The only downsides are these. I have no cassettes and even if I did, I wouldn’t know exactly how to use them (I was very small when they were still popular). On top of that, there are only two radio stations. One is constant static. And the other plays, well, Weather Channel music. Very 80s and 90s smooth jazz fusion stuff. I mean, it’s not the worst, but…I don’t know. It’s just bland and it makes me kinda sad.

     It makes me think of Uncle Jerry.

     He was one of the only relatives I have clear memories of. Probably because he was the only relative who was comfortable hanging out with his small nieces and nephews. Tall and robust, he wore only Hawaiian and polo shirts, a flat cap, and colored sunglasses. He was always either golfing or bowling. And wherever he took us, he’d always play The Rippingtons – one of those bands you’d expect to hear on the Weather Channel. The music bored me to death, but I liked being with Uncle Jerry, so I’d sit through every minute of saxophone and synths.

     He was the only one who noticed something different about me back then.

     “You look out the window a lot, kid. What do you see?”

     “What everyone else sees.”

     “No one seems quite as interested in it as you.”

     I shrugged. “I imagine things, too.”

     “Like finding shapes in the clouds?”

     “Hmm…” I caught my attention slipping and forced myself to look at him. “Not really. Sometimes I imagine stories. Other times I just…drift. I kinda go places.”

     He nodded. “You know, your mind is a powerful thing. Sometimes it’s scary, too. It can fill you with bad and sad thoughts. Or it can wander so far you feel lost.”

     Lost as in I feel like I’ve left my body? Like I can’t find my way back? I didn’t say any of these things out loud. Instead, I asked, “How do you get…un-lost?”

     Uncle Jerry turned up the volume.  

      “Music!” He tapped the rhythm on the steering wheel. “When everything in your head is big and loud or you don’t know where you are, you blare it all out with music. It brings you back to earth without bringing you down.”

     I don’t remember if I responded to him or not. Or if I went back to staring out the window. But I suppose I took his words to heart because I listened to music a lot more after that. I didn’t sense any magical changes, but music did keep me grounded. Especially in the teen years when nothing seemed to go right and all I wanted was to run away from everything.

     By then, however, it was too late to thank him for the advice. He died when I was ten.

     Sheesh…what am I doing talking about family stuff at a time and place like this? Nothing about my life before means anything here. Here I am, full of these old memories, thoughts, and experiences, and not a single one of them makes sense in this place. This world with no past and no future…

     I wish I wasn’t alone.

     Woke up from a bad dream. Heard something from beyond the fountain. I got up and walked over there and, as usual, saw no one. But a mannequin had tipped forward and was leaning against the display window. Must have lost its balance. The sound of it hitting the glass was probably what I heard.

     Nothing to worry about. Going back to sleep.

     I was going to explore today anyway, but I think it’d be best if I was out of the mall all day.

     The store with the tipped-over mannequin is a mess. All the mannequins were on the floor when I checked the store. A lot of clothes racks were thrown over, too. And there’s a big crack running along the back wall.

     For my sanity’s sake, I’m going to assume I slept through a little earthquake.

     There’s nobody else here so no one could have done this.

     There’s nobody else here so no one could have done this.

     There’s nobody else here so no one could have done this.

     No one.

     I’ve got my Walkman and I’m going out. There’d better not be anything else happening at the mall while I’m gone. If there is…well, I don’t know what I’ll do. Except maybe find somewhere else to sleep. If it was an earthquake, then that’s just another factor I have to live with.

     If it – god, this is going to sound so stupid. But if it’s the world itself doing stuff, then I guess I’d better learn its rules quick. And if it’s anything else, like some creature I haven’t seen yet –

     No, I can’t go there. Stop thinking these kinds of thoughts. Nothing has happened for two months. Nothing will happen. I’ve lived here long enough to know that nothing ever happens in this place.

     I’m just going to listen to the stupid jazz and explore. Everything will be fine.

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