#gonna try to find a few more at some point to pad the way through most of the rest of 2023

[sydney-carton-of-sour-milk]

these are my friends

see how they glisten

(porcelain figurines of Sydney Carton from 1940s Japan)

[castiwls]

tolerate it - a.s

Paring; anakin x reader

Prompt; 'If it's all in my head, tell me now. Tell me I've got it wrong somehow'

Requested; @simonsbluee

Notes;anakin version:) again all time fav cry song requests are open!

Masterlist | Taylor Swift masterlist

The sound of the door opening pulled your attention from the data pad on your lap. A small smile grew on your lips as you placed the pad beside you before standing from your seat. “Your back,” You grinned. “I didn’t think you were due back for another few days.”

Anakin pulled off his robe before turning to you, his grin just as bright. “We got back early.” He closed the distance between you both pulling you into a hug. You felt his arms squeeze tightly around your middle as you tucked your head into the crook of his neck. 

Taking a deep inhale you felt your body relax in his arms. He was safe. After weeks he was finally home again. After a moment you pulled back. His arms still wrapped around your waist. “I missed you.” He spoke quietly, his eyes slowly tracing your face. 

“I missed you too.” You smiled slowly rubbing a hand through the back of his head. “How come you’re back so early?” 

“Some sort of diplomatic thing.” He let out a breath, rolling his eyes causing you to laugh quietly. You knew how much he hated anything which involved politics. In all the time you’d known Anakin he’d never been one for anything which involved long boring conversations.

“The charity ball?” He nodded his thumb slowly rubbing circles on your waist. “Yeah. How did you know about it?” He frowned slightly, a look of confusion filling his features. “I got invited to,” You watched as a small smile grew on his lips at the idea of not being alone. “Well. That should make this slightly more bearable.” 

You nodded thinking for a moment. “We could…we could go…together.” Your voice came out as a whisper. The thought was something which had been sitting on your mind for a while. 

Every event you were invited to end up with you having to go alone. It was always the same questions asking when you were going to get into a relationship if you had anyone special in your life. By this point, you had mastered the act of politely brushing off anyone who brought up the topic, but that didn’t mean that it never hurt.

It hurt that you were unable to share your relationship with the other people in your life. That you had to act as if Anakin was nothing more than an acquaintance when you met him in public. You knew getting into this relationship that there would have to be sacrifices, you never expected anything less. But sometimes you wished that he would have enough trust in you to share your relationship with those closest to you.

Anakin let out a sigh, his gaze moving down to your feet. He pursed his lips slightly, looking back up. “Angel, you know we can’t…” He moved a hand to gently cup your check. “If the council found out about us…I don’t know what they’d do.” he frowned to himself as he spoke, his gaze seemingly growing distant for a moment before he re-focused back on you.

“I can’t risk them finding out.” He rubbed a thumb across your cheek. You kept your face passive as you stared at him. 

Sometimes your relationship felt almost one-sided. You felt committed to him in a way that he could never commit himself to you. While you knew Anakin was by no means in love with the order and their rules you knew he was still committed. You came second.

The thought had you swallowing, trying to push back the sudden rush of emotions that ran through you. “Fine.” You pulled back from his hold before walking back to the main room. Anakin sighed following closely behind you.

“Are you seriously gonna do this again? You know why we can’t do that. It would put my rank at risk!” He stopped as you turned to face him. You jabbed a finger into his chest. “You. You. You. That’s all it ever is. Do you ever think about what I want?”

“Of course, I think about what you want. You are the most important person in my life!” He reached out to grasp your hand. He lowered his voice as he spoke. “Which is why I can’t lose you.”

You rolled your eyes letting out a quiet breath. “You know, sometimes I feel…I feel like you don’t even love me anymore.” You felt your lips quiver slightly as you swallowed back tears. “Like you're only here out of obligation.” 

You watched his face drop slightly. “Of course I love you. You’re my wife.” He stepped closer, his thumb slowly rubbing circles over your palm. “Then why are you so scared of telling the people closest to us that we’re married,” You pulled your palm from his grasp feeling a tear slowly slip down your face. 

“There’s dinner on the table if you want it.” You whispered before walking towards the bedroom.

You could hear him calling after you but you simply ignored it slamming the door behind you. Slowly you sank to the ground, your body shaking slightly as sobs began to fall from your lips. 

You’d stopped feeling loved a long time ago. At first, you’d believed that the feeling was simply in your head that you were just having doubts about your relationship due to how new it was, yet those doubts never seemed to go away. 

And Anakin did nothing to quell those doubts. Taking a breath you placed your chin on your knees, staring at the bed. You never imagined the man who you were supposed to love unconditionally and who was supposed to love you back could leave you feeling so unseen in your own relationship.

[lyn-js]

Dancing under the Moonlight | Prologue

Bradley Bradshaw x OC Reader (Nickname Honey)

Summary: After the Uranium Mission, Bradley Bradshaw decides he wants to settle down. Maybe even start a family at some point in time. But he felt so tired (and old) to be in the dating scene. That's until he sees a beautiful new bartender at The Hard Deck. Not only that; turns out she's Penny's niece, Beatrice. They both hit it off amazing, but for some reason, Beatrice isn't letting her walls down yet. But Bradley is going to get to the bottom of what Bea's big secret is.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, drinking, mentions of past abuse, fluff, eventually smut 18+, age gap (24 & 35)

You’re hiding in the closet in your bedroom. Scared for your life, trying to cover your mouth so he doesn’t hear you. You suddenly jolt at the sound of someone knocking on your door. But you don’t answer it, you stay inside not wanting to be found. A few minutes later you hear the door creak open, your whole body is pulverized with fear. You hear footsteps all around the room. But you finally hear someone call out for you.

“Bea…Beatrice, are you here?” you hear a female voice. You come to realize it’s you, Aunt Penny. You let out a gasp and start to let out all the waterworks from your body and start to sob uncontrollably. You hear her footsteps padding her way to the closet. She lets out a gasp of her own. Seeing you curled up with your knees to your chest, seeing the healing bruises on your arms and legs. She kneels and takes her hands and puts them on both sides of your cheeks, so she can fully see you.

“Oh, my honeybee. You’re safe now. Nobody is gonna hurt you ever again. Okay? I won't let that happen.” You just let her hug you. You miss having a warm embrace with you. You miss that motherly love and affection. You missed the one person who truly believed in you, and who wanted you to succeed in your dreams. You missed your mom.

You just simply nod, and let more tears run down your face, but you feel your aunt wipe away those tears, and give you a gentle kiss on your forehead. The next thing you know, you’re gathering all of your stuff that you can fit in Aunt Penny’s car. Including some of your clothes for work and some shoes. But before you went out the front door you ran over to where the TV stand was, untape your necklace that was on the back of it. You knew Zeke would look for anything worth anything to you and pon it off. But you would never let him take this away from you, your mom got you a necklace with a honey bee-shaped charm on it for graduation.

You took everything you needed and went off with Aunt Penny to Fightertown U.S.A.

(Bradley POV)

You were walking into The Hard Deck like any other normal night. You’ve been at this whole routine since the mission was a success. Ever since then, you haven't been able to sleep. Not being able to sleep alone for that matter of fact. You've always wanted to have somebody, somebody to come home to. To have a warm body next to you, someone to have a conversation with, actually talk about something other than work. Instead of walking into an empty apartment, falling asleep with no noise, slowly diving into an abyss of nothing. 

But now, you’ve found a group of friends that you can talk to, hang out with, and find a connection with people you haven't had in a long time. 

All of the squad was there, including Mav. We were all having a good time playing pool and darts, drinking, and making jokes with everyone. Until we see out the window, Penny pulls into the parking lot super fast. Then we all look over at Mav a second later when he gets a phone call from Penny. 

“Hey, Pen-” He stops talking, getting cut off by her, we can actually kind of hear her through the phone. “Hey, Hey… slow down hon. Okay. Okay, I’ll be right out. Bye, hon.” We all look at him in a confused state. Something wrong Mav?” Phoenix asks with a little bit of curiousness in her voice. Then all of us asked but with only our facial expressions. Then, he just gives us a confusing stair. Not knowing what to say after talking With Penny. “Rooster. Walk with me for a minute?” he asks looking at me. I just nod and leave the group to see what he’s looking for.

“What’s up, whaddya need?” I ask him with the same curiousness in my voice. “Penny…Penny’s niece is here, and she doesn’t want to go back to the house. She doesn’t want to leave her there. So, is it possible for you to just help me bring her into the back?” He asks you. You're just trying to wrap your head around your head the crazy information you've just heard. You just agree and walk out with him.

You both are out of the bar and slowly make your way over to Penny. When you do, you see her talking to someone. That must be her niece that Mav was talking about. you think to yourself. You see both of her legs on the seat, pulling them close to her chest, just looking out the passenger window staring into oblivion. You can see a little bit of the fading bruises on parts of her legs. You’re starting to put your fists into a ball, almost making them turn ghost white. Not a lot. Just a little though.

When you see Penny go around to the other side to collect her from the passenger seat, you see her cling to Penny, almost like she would disappear if she had let her go. But Penny just whispers to the girl sweet nothings and tells her everything is going to be all right. Then we walk both of them into the bar.

When we get in, the group looks at me and Mav. Wondering if we had any answer to what was happening. We just look back, and keep walking to the back where Penny’s office is. 

Once we get back there Penny sits her down and just wraps her in a hug and kisses her on the forehead. I start to daze out for a second, I can’t help when I see someone giving someone/thing else affection.

It always brings me back to when someone close and important to me. My mom. She would always make things feel better, and she would always make sure I felt safe, loved and cared for. When I lost her, I felt so alone, and like I had nobody else in the world to love and take care of me. Sometimes I wish she was still here.

But I snap out of my daze and focus on the situation before me.

(Back to your POV)

The only thing I can keep my eyes on are the pictures hanging on her wall, and some framed on the shelves. Some pictures were of my aunt and my mom when they were young. God, she looks so pretty. You thought to yourself when looking back at the same honey-colored eyes that you inherited from her. Others were of you when you were a baby, all the way up to a teenager. Graduation day, sleepovers with your best friend Chantal, and holding your baby cousin Amelia with her drool falling onto the front of your shirt. Even though you thought it was so gross, but you didn't care. You just wish you could just close your eyes and go back in time. Going back to when you were younger. When your amazing mom was alive. To when you were the most happy.

You just wanted to be left alone, curl up into a ball hide away from the world, and never be seen again. Not only were you embarrassed that you were about to start crying like a fucking maniac, but you look up for only a second, and you see a really cute mustached guy standing across from you. You’re on a fuckin’ roll Beatrice!! 

You see Penny crouch down on the floor to talk to you. “Hey Honey,” she said with a warm smile, I just muster up a half-one because you were feeling so tired and worn down. “I have to go back out just for a little bit, but I have someone who can wait here with you. Is that okay?” You don't answer just yet, but again you look up and see the cute mustache guy is still there. He smiles and gives a simple wave, not seeming too scary. You simply nod and she kisses you on the cheek “I’ll be back in a little bit Honeybee, if you need me, or anything just call out for me. Okay?” I just give a quiet “okay” and then she gets up to leave.

Both your Aunt Penny and the other man walk out the door to go back to work. Just leaving you and the Mustache guy alone. With nothing to do. “You speak up to him “You don’t have to stay with me if you-” he cuts you off. “Even though we’re not talking, it’s nice to have some company. Especially if it’s not with Bagman annoying the shirt out of everyone,” he says. I let out a little chuckle, but my smile fades a little bit when he tries to shut the door. “C-could you keep the door open… please,” I stand up and say a little loudly. He looks back at me and I cower back in the wheely chair. “Hey, hey it’s okay if you want to keep the door open. We’ll keep it open, we're playing by your rules. Okay?” a little bit of tension leaves your body, and you let out a big breath. Not knowing why you were holding your breath. You look up to him speaking again.

“Is it okay if I can sit next to you? I mean, on the floor if that’s okay with you,” he says pointing to the floor tile next to the chair. “Oh no, I don’t want you to sit on the ground,” you say wanting to put up a fight. But also kind of knowing you would lose because you couldn’t say no to this attractive, cute, and tall man. Snap out of it. You just met him, get your mind out of the gutter stupid!

“Don’t worry, it’s not a problem, I’ve been cramped in an FA/18 for hours. Sitting on the floor in a small office is a piece of cake,” he says while kneeling and taking the spot next to you. You wanted to giggle a little bit because of course your aunt has a small office, and you look at this man that’s as tall as a fucking oak tree trying to sit on the small, maybe a little bit dirty floor. Also seeing him scrunch his long legs close to his body. Trying to get me to think he is living his best life right now.

“I’m sorry, but I know for a fact that you are so uncomfortable right now,” you say to him, and starting to warm up a little bit. “Oh come on, I am living the life right now. Somebody get me a margarita.” he quietly yells out the front door. That has me leaning back in my chair laughing, which leads him to laugh with me. 

After your laughter dies down a little bit, you both fall into silence, only hearing the rowdy patrons from the bar. You see him stick his hand out and start to speak. “I’m Bradley by the way. Bradley Bradshaw at your service.” You giggle a little bit more when his other hand comes up to his forehead to salute you. You were a little hesitant at first. Not wanting to fall into another trap. But for some reason, you feel sort of different around him. You feel a type of warm, and sweet comfort from him, you want to believe in yourself .He doesn’t seem so bad. But you try so hard to shove warm and lovey-dovey thoughts in the back of your mind. But you just can help it.

 Just when he was about to drop his hand back down to his side, you put your hand out too. “Beatrice Benjmine. Also at your service.” You also offer the fake salute, then you hear him chuckle and take your hand to shake. His hand feels so warm, and calloused against your small dainty ones. You could also see a big size difference in your hands too, wanting to know what was also big about him. OH MY GOD BEA, What are you doing!!!

You snap out of your mind and come back in the moment. You both are still looking at each other. Hands still together and shaking. But you both drop each other hands and fall into a light conversation until you hear Aunt Penny coming into the office telling you it’s closing time and heading home. You and Bradley both decide to get up so he can walk you and your Aunt out to her car.

When all three of you were outside and walking to the car you heard Bradley speak up and talk to you. “It was nice meeting you, Beatrice. Hopefully, I will see you again,” Once again putting his hand up to salute you. You start to giggle. “It was a pleasure meeting you too.” you salute back. After that he walks past you to get the passenger door open, you give him a warm smile and get into the seat. When He closes your door you see him through the window smiling at you and giving you a small wave. You wave back when Aunt Penny starts to pull away, but you can see him in the rearview mirror walking over to a blue car and getting in, maybe going home himself. But you just stare back out the window watching the waves roll to the shore with the moon sparkling over the waves.

You want to believe Bradley is a good guy, that he wouldn’t hurt you like Zeke did. But you have a sense of love and protection he would have for his other friends he was talking about earlier. You wanted to trust your mind, but you couldn’t just yet.

Even though you just met him that night, you wish you could form a good and happy friendship with Bradley. But being your usual crazy self, thinking in the back of your mind. Only to hope it can turn into something a just little more.

I hope you all like the prologue for this story. I have a big story line for Beatrice and Bradley.

Reblogs are always welcome. Unless you're under 18. I will block you. and comment if you want to be added to the taglist. If I forgot anybody message me and let me know. You will be added.

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @shanimallina87 @angelbabyyy99 @callsign-magnolia

Once again dividers are by @saradika

[hushedlover]

Xavier comforting reader who’s just been really emotional lately?

Ur page is so aesthetically pleasing by the way 🫶🏻

literally having a breakdown rn so this is perfect </3

also thank you so much I try to make it look nice hahaha

You were shaking and your eyes were watering and everything was so loud and everything made you want to cry. It had been like this for at least a week. It felt like forever. Rationally you knee you hadn't always felt like this, it had only been a little while of the emotional rollercoaster. But it felt like ages.

Because of this, you had been avoiding your oh-so-lovely boyfriend. Xavier. just the thought of him made the tears start to form even faster. you missed him. you felt so guilty. but once the onslaught of emotions started you didn't know what to do. So you locked yourself in your room, throwing some excuse about being sick at your teachers and friends. You had stuck with this for 3 days now.

The past days had been filled with crying, tossing and turning in bed, more crying, throwing things around the room in anger, guilt, more crying, and finally, a few short hours of sleep before it all repeated. Currently, you were in the guilt stage. Rocking yourself back and forth in your bed, wrapped in a blanket with only your face showing. You were being consumed by your thoughts. Guilt, shame, anxiety, and insecurities flow over you in waves. You were gasping for breath through the waters of emotions, looking for anything to save you. You thought it would never come. But it did. A knock at your door.

That was weird. Your roomate had told your friends not to bother you and she would just walk in. Who would be at the door? Your question was answered when a voice called through the wood.

"Hello? Babe I know you're in there."

Shit. Xavier.

You searched through your piles of blankets to find your phone, only to see the 27 missed texts and 18 missed calls from the boy. Cursing you threw the phone down and padded your way to the door.

"go away xavier," you called tentatively.

"No. We need to talk."

You're heart clenched with anxiety.

oh no he's angry. he's gonna break up with you. moron. you knew it would happen. you're not good enough for him. not like Bianca. he's better with her, he-

You didn't remember opening the door, but suddenly xavier was pushing his way past you and into your room. He was already spewing words.

"I talked to all your friends, all your teachers. You haven't answered any of my goddamn texts or calls. I thought you were dead! Do you understand that?!," he was pacing in front of you, tugging his hair. "Do you want to break up with me? God of course you do. I knew this day was coming. You could've just fucking told me. Instead of disappearing like that I mean-"

Xavier cut himself off at the sound of your sniffle. He looked at where you were standing in front of him. You were twisting your (his) sweater in your hands, and even though you were looking down to avoid his eyes, he could tell you were crying. Immediately he rushed forward. His hands were on your shoulders and petting your hair back, desperately trying to get you to look at him. He didn't mean to make you cry.

"Honey I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you. What's going on? talk to me please," He was practically begging at this point. "you can yell at me, hit me, anything just please please look at me."

So you finally did. You looked at him with huge doe eyes filled with tears and the minute you made eye contact you burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry Xavier," you wailed. "I just have been having so many things going on in my head and I don't understand why I'm feeling so much and I didn't want to make you mad or make you not want to be with me anymore and-"

Xavier quickly wrapped you in his arms and shushed you.

"You're okay, it's okay. I'm not mad. I love you so so much. You just have to talk to me honey, I was so worried about you. I promise you're okay. We're okay."

He guided you towards your bed, kicking his shoes off along the way.

"Why don't we just lay here for a little and help you calm down, yeah?"

You mumbled out a quiet agreement and buried yourself in his chest. You didn't know how, but Xavier made everything better. He was what saved you.

[moonlightisdancing]

The Gallery/ s.f.k

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x Female Reader

Word Count: 3650

Warnings: NSFW 18+ MINORS DNI light arguing, mentions break-up, emotional and physical intimacy, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex (wrap before you tap!)

PLEASE TELL ME IF I MISSED ANYTHING!!!!

playlist of songs inspiring this (x)

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p.s. im sorry for the lack of “black swan” feeling like i lost the plot a little:(

There’s two types of goodbyes. One where you know they’ll come home after a long day and tell you all about it over dinner, and one where you don’t know if or when you’ll see them again. Two weeks ago you fell victim to the second goodbye, except you were lucky enough to know the next time you’d see the “former” love of your life. You still had to pick up some of your belongings from the space you both used to occupy. Although you both claim it was a mutual breakup, it feels very one sided on your end. You couldn’t handle the lack of physical touch while Sam was away for work. He’d been on the road for some time with his brothers doing small gigs across the country while working on some new music. More so, you couldn’t handle the lack of communication while he was gone. You’d worked all day and he worked well into the night, leaving little to no time for the shortest of phone calls. With the band just starting to take off, you couldn’t afford not to work. After a while you found yourself pushing Sam away for reasons unbeknownst to you. Were you trying to be content in the lack of contact? Or were you trying to make the inevitable decision easier? You didn’t know but god did you fucking hate it. All you did know is that you would have given anything in this world to be with Sam while he was away. From the moment he stumbled into your life you were confident he’d be the only one you could entirely and unconditionally love, him being the only one to love you the same. His love was otherworldly, always loving big and often, always loving every aspect of you. If it weren’t for the complex work lives of both, you’d easily spend the rest of your days sharing every intimate detail of your lives together. The fear of holding him back was the only thing to make you pull away.

The pit in your stomach only grows deeper as your feet find their way up the driveway to the door of a home you once called your own. You knock on the door and wait anxiously for Sam to answer. You hear footsteps padding through the hall before hearing the door unlock, watching as it slowly creeps open with Sam’s tall figure peering behind.

“Hey, come in.” He spoke timidly with his voice hoarse from crying, the evidence of emotions solidified by his dark and swollen eyes.

The house was still organized with the exception of a few boxes filled with your belongings strewn about the living room. Sam has always been a very clean and organized person, you were just glad to see he’d been doing okay enough not to allow that aspect of his personality falter.

“I think that’s the rest of it.” He points his finger across several boxes resting in different parts of the room.

“I really appreciate you finishing the packing, thank you.” You walk towards the box next to the coffee table.

You notice on the coffee table still resides a framed picture of your first winter together when Sam had taken you to a Christmas store in Frankenmuth. An aching feeling moves into your chest as you try your best to hold back tears. You ultimately fail when you look around to see he still hasn’t taken down any of the pictures accumulated over the years.

“Sammy, did you want me to take these down for you?” You timidly ask pointing to the photos.

“Nah, I was gonna take them down when I was ready, I guess. The room’s just gonna look really empty without them.” He walks over and lays the picture frame face down on the coffee table before grabbing some boxes.

He helps you bring them outside and load them into your car, you follow him inside to grab what’s left. You pick up the last box, trying to fight the unfamiliar feeling boiling inside. A feeling of emptiness, sadness and guilt washes over you.

“Again, I really appreciate you finishing the packing, this week has been hell.”

“Tell me about it,” He takes the box from your hands and places it on the old piano bench. “Can we talk before you go?” Sam was starting to get teary eyed.

“Of course we can.” You reassure him.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me. I always would have done anything you asked me, even if it meant getting hurt in the end. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and I wish I did a better job at that.” He places his hand on your cheek and kisses you on the forehead. “If you ever change your mind, I’ll always be right here, waiting for you.”

He pulls away but you’re quick to reconnect the point of contact, not wanting him to leave. You still love him but you know this is for the best. You wrap your arms around his torso as he hugs you back, resting his chin on your head.

“Sammy, it’s not your fault. None of it. I should have said something sooner instead of pushing you away. I still have so much love for you, and I hope we can still be friends. Maybe even more again? Once we figure ourselves out?” You let the tears roll down your cheeks, soaking the front of his shirt.

You peel yourself away from him, catching a familiar look in his eyes, one of sadness. In your three years together you’d only seen him like this not even a handful of times, and never by the grace of your own actions. Being in his arms made everything for the first time in two weeks feel so right, but you knew it shouldn’t have. Unsure if anything would ever feel right again, you place your hands on Sam’s cheeks, rubbing a thumb over his bottom lip before kissing him one last time. You’re not sure what overcame you, quickly pulling away to apologize.

“I’m sorry, I don’t- I shouldn’t have done that.” You go to move your hands away from his face, but he gently grabs your wrists to keep them there. “Sam I should-”

He cuts you off to pull you in, connecting your lips to his once more, deepening the kiss. Your hands find their way tangled in his hair as he rests his hands on your hips. Sam slowly drags his hands up the side, dipping his fingers under your dress, feeling you however he can before you’re gone for good. You place your hands on his wrists and slide them out from under your dress, placing them between the two of you with a squeeze.

“Sam, we shouldn’t do this…” You look into his eyes, a place you once found solidarity now filled with nothing but hopelessness.

“Fuck, Y/N, stop doing this to me. You do one thing and say the other. Just tell me, what do you want?” He brings his hands to his face. “Please, just tell me?” He’s begging for an answer.

“It’s just going to hurt you more and I’m tired, Sam. I’m tired of hurting you.” Admitting it was enough to make tears swell in your eyes.

“No! No, not knowing the last time I held you in my arms and told you I loved you was the last time is what hurts. You don’t get to decide what’s going to hurt me!” The tears that threatened his lashline now start to spill over, running down his reddened cheeks. “I’m just supposed to continue through my days knowing you’re not here anymore? Knowing I will never come home to the love of my life again?”

“Sam… don’t do this, don’t say that…” You reach your hand up to wipe the tears from his cheek. If he asked, you’d bleed yourself goddamn dry to give him everything, you just can’t stand the thought of hurting him again.

“Please, Y/N? Just one more time where I’ll at least know it’s the last? I miss you.” He leans into your touch, nervously playing with the hem of his shirt between his thumb and index. “Even if you just spend the night next to me, if nothing else?”

You missed him too, having gotten hardly any sleep the past two weeks on a twin-sized mattress in your parent’s anything but heated basement, the harsh cold of a spot next to you that had been filled by Sam for the better half of some odd years.

“We can do that.” You defeatedly sigh walking towards the bedroom, your inability to deny his natural pull was a spell you knew you’d always be under.

Two weeks ago this would feel like any ordinary night. Coming home from work and hopping into the shower before bed, maybe even a nice bath. Every day for 3 years you did the same routine, and most times you were lucky enough to have Sam throw it off balance, to which he simply became part of the routine as opposed to a distraction. You cherished every moment you had with him because no matter how short or stressful it was, the good always outweighed the bad. Sam shuffles through the drawers and pulls out a pair of shorts and a shirt for you to wear. As your feet make their way into the room you see the bed is still made the way you’d fixed it when you left.

“Have you been making the bed?” You ask hesitantly, knowing he never made the bed because he liked how you fluffed the pillows better.

“No, I just haven’t been sleeping in it. Well, or at all really.” He shrugs as he hands you the clothes before pulling the covers back.

“What? Why not?” You go to walk towards the bathroom to get changed.

“Because it still smells like that perfume I like and I didn’t want it to go away.” He slips under the covers and lays facing the ceiling. “You can get dressed in here, I’ll turn around.”

You look at him with a frown on your face. “You don’t have to do that. Besides, I need help with the zipper on this dress.”

Sam sits up at the edge of the bed and you walk up in front of him. He takes a second to run his hands down your frame before he screws his eyes shut and rests his forehead against your sternum. You find yourself getting lost in his addictive presence, snapping back to reality as you hear him sniffle. You watch as he swipes tears from his eyes with his index and middle finger.

“Hey, you okay?” You place two fingers under his chin, pushing his face up to look at you.

“Far from it, I miss my girl, need my girl.”

“Need?” You ask, placing your hand on the space against his neck and collarbone, your thumb resting on his face.

Need. The thought of him needing you as opposed to wanting you breaks your heart more-so than it already is. The nail in the coffin of your unrecoverable heartbreak.

“I just need you one more time, before it’s really over?” His grip on your waist tightens but is still gentle.

“Sammy…”

“Nevermind it was stupid to ask again, I’m sorry.”

“No, not stupid. I need you, too.” You hesitate as the words leave your mouth, fingers twirling the ends of his hair. “I just can’t hurt you again, Sam. I won’t.”

“Missing you is what hurts me and I’ve done that every day since you left. This…” He pauses to point back and forth between the both of you, “isn’t gonna hurt me. It’s closure.” He pulls you closer to him, your legs naturally parting around his own as you fall into his lap. “Hi, beautiful.”

“Hi, Sammy.” You felt heat rise to your cheeks.

“Cute, I still make you blush?” He runs his hands up your thighs until they meet at the small of your back.

“Shut up and kiss me.” You place your hands gently on the sides of his face, the two of you staring into each other's eyes as you rub your thumbs over his damp skin.

Only in this moment does the weight of your fucked up reality finally relieve itself from your shoulders. Nothing else matters completely dissolving around you as your lips meet his, perfectly fitting like a key to its matching lock. He brings one hand from your back up between the two of you, placing your chin between his index and thumb. You place a hand to the back of his neck, pushing him closer to you. The kiss grows in lust and fervor as Sam slowly introduces his tongue into your mouth. You lean into him until he falls back onto the bed, never allowing your lips to come apart from one another.

“Excited?” He asks between giggles, allowing you to feel him smile against your lips.

“You always get me excited.” You whisper.

“Is that so? Still give you butterflies?” He wraps his arms around you, rolling over until he’s on top.

He positions himself with an arm on either side of your head, looking down to you as his hair cascades around your face. He shakes his head just enough to tickle the tip of your nose with the ends of his locks.

“Sammy, stop! That tickles!” You giggle, reaching your hands up to push his hair away from your face, pulling him into you to reconnect your lips with his.

As the kiss deepens, Sam lowers himself on top of you, pressing his hardened length against you as his fingers tangle themselves into your hair.

“Excited?” You quip, bucking your hips up against his length.

“Always, around you at least.” He looks at you with the look he’d given you thousands of times, like you’re the only girl in the world.

You stare into each other's eyes for a short period, his body still pressed against yours before he breaks the silence.

“Y/N?” He whispers.

“Yes?”

“You ready?”

“Whenever you are.”

Quickly following your response, Sam reaches his hands behind you to free you of your dress, pulling it over your head and tossing it to the floor. He unclasps your bra and hangs it off the headboard. You eagerly reach down to rid him of his clothing, with a little bit of help he’s kneeling completely uncovered over you. Sam takes his time planting heated kisses down your sternum, moving his hands to your hips as his lips trail to your center until they meet your aching bud. He presses a soft kiss to you before working his flat tongue over your clit, committing the feeling of you writhing beneath him to memory. He watches your movements through his dark lashes, every detail of the moment permanently etching itself into his mind. He removes his mouth from your mound, moving a hand from your hip to run two fingers through your folds. Sam presses his middle and ring finger teasingly against your entrance without giving you the pleasure of insertion.

“This okay?” He rubs the pads of his fingers against you, waiting for your response.

“Mhmm, now stop teasing me…” You snake a hand down to try and push his fingers into you, but you watch the muscles in his arm flex as he works against your desperate attempt for relief.

“Slow down, angel. If it’s really the last time, I’m gonna make it count. Make you remember me.”

“Do you think I’d ever forget you…?” You furrow your brows.

“I don’t know, you might. I feel like I don’t know anything when it comes to you anymore.” He removes his hand from your heat, sitting back on his calves.

“I’ll always remember you, Sammy.” You sit up on your elbows to keep eye contact. Of all times to have this conversation you weren’t expecting here or now.

“What if you don’t? What if you forget me while I’m gone and I never get my girl back?” His eyes grow with sadness as tears well up again.

“Have I forgotten you the other times?” You push yourself up entirely, crossing your legs and sitting in front of him, placing your hands on his knees.

“No…” He pauses for a second as you watch the thoughts cross his mind, a tear finding its way down his cheek. “But what if you figure yourself out and I’m not there?”

“Not where?” The intimacy in the room shifts to a different form, tears building up inside as you choke through your words.

“In the picture. What if figuring yourself out removes me from the picture?”

“Sammy, you’ll always be in the picture.” You squeeze his knees before hesitantly mumbling the next part. “You created the picture…”

“Created?”

“Sammy, everything we had… everything we wanted, I never wanted before you. I’m not sure there was ever a picture until you came along and painted one…”

“Was it a good picture?” He places his hands over yours.

“The most beautiful, and it still is. But sometimes we have to step away from the picture before it’s finished so we know how to approach it, make it look exactly how we want.”

“I want to fill a gallery for you. Paint every picture just how you imagine, down to the last detail.” He leans forward to plant a needy kiss on your lips, making any words you found quickly leave your mind.

You wrap your arms around his neck and slowly start to pull him on top of you, resuming what you had started, shifting the intimacy once again. As the kissing grows more heated, your legs find their way around his hips, pushing his length against your center once again. Sam buries his face in your neck, sucking on the skin below your ear as he rubs himself against you. The need for some sort of greater contact grows inside of you and with no words spoken other than sweet moans, Sam picks up on your natural cues. He brings his face to yours, meeting your lips with his as he slowly drags himself between your folds, teasing your aching clit with the head of his cock.

“Let me paint you one more time.” He whispers into your ear as he slides himself inside of you.

You can’t remember the last time you had Sam like this, the slight burn from him stretching you perfectly being a more emotionally painful reminder of the one you loved. Sam’s barely 3 inches in, but his pure width makes you hiss at the sensation. He pauses his movement, moving a hand to your cheek.

“You okay? Does it hurt?” He furrows his brows.

“A little, but I’ll be okay.”

“No, no, no, don’t wanna hurt you. Do you want lube?”

You nod yes as he sits up and places his hands on your knees, slowly removing himself leaving you empty. He reaches over into the nightstand on his side of the bed and shuffles around the top drawer.

“I have this strawberry flavored lube we got a little bit ago…” He presents it to you followed by giggles.

“Works for me, I just need you.”

“Okay, okay, sheesh.” Sam pops the cap off the bottle and you take it from his hands, pouring some onto his hardened length.

You take him into your hand as you work the lube down to the base of his cock until he’s fully covered in the sweet substance. You guide him back to your entrance and he pushes into you slowly, watching for any further signs of discomfort.

“Does that feel better?” He asks, rubbing his hands up and down your thighs as he slowly works himself further.

“Feels so good.” You moan, wrapping your hands around his wrists that are now planted on your hips.

Sam continues thrusting into you slowly, watching your eyes flutter each time he enters you fully. He brings a hand up to wipe the tears from your cheeks. You grab his wrist with your hand to hold him there, allowing the warmth from his hand to keep you grounded. He wraps his fingers around the side of your head, rubbing circles on your cheek with his thumb. You trace his knuckles with the pads of your fingers, taking in every minute detail of his hand. He releases his other hand from your hip and brings the pad of his thumb to your center, working tight, fast circles over your throbbing bud. You begin to tighten under his touch, so tender and sweet with each movement as he brings you closer to the edge.

“Sam, I-”

“I know, baby. It’s okay, me too.” He finally starts to pick up speed as both of your emotional releases come crashing down, tears swelling in his and your eyes.

His cock twitches as he empties every last drop of himself inside of you, painting your walls the perfect shade of white. His body falls defeatedly on you, forehead pressed against yours. After coming down from your highs, Sam removes his now soft member and rolls over next to you. He places gentle kisses along your face before meeting your lips once more.

“I missed you.” You run your fingers through the hair framing his face, looking into his big brown eyes. God those fucking eyes. The realization that you might never have someone who cares for and loves you so much hits you like a train. Your hand moves down to lay on his chest, feeling the rise and fall of each breath as it enters and exits his lungs.

“I missed you, too.” He mumbles, his eyes fluttering shut. “I hope that makes it into the gallery.”

[callsign-magnolia]

Undiagnosed // Ch. 18

Mature Content 18+

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, abusive parents, smut.

Word Count: 6.2k

Chapter 17 | Masterlist

Even with my eyes closed, the light burned. I rolled over, slowly opening my eyes. I sighed until I realized there was an odd smell in my bed. It smelled like… Jake. Everything rushed back, and I remembered what happened last night. I stared at the ceiling for a second before I had a little freak out in my bed. I let out a quiet squeal before my hands flopped down beside me. I stretched out on the queen size mattress, pointing my toes and allowing my back to pop. I sat up to find my dress was gone and Jake’s phone wasn’t on the nightstand where he set it down last night. My heart fell. What if he left after I fell asleep? He said last night that he didn’t regret it, but what if he changed his mind? God, how could I face him if he did? I sat there for a few minutes, thinking before I heard noise in the kitchen. I got up, grabbing my black silk robe and tying it around my waist. I opened my door and slowly made my way downstairs. 

Once my feet landed in the living room I could smell something sweet. I slowly padded over to the kitchen and was surprised to find Jake standing in front of the stove. He had a towel tossed over his shoulder as he stood there in his boxers. “Mornin’ darlin’.” He smiled at me and I returned it. “Morning.” I whispered. “I’m making french toast, it’ll be ready in a minute. Why don’t you make yourself some coffee and go sit at the table? I’ll bring the food out in a minute.” I was stunned but nodded. I walked behind him and over to the coffee maker where I made my coffee. Once it was done I went to walk behind him again but he turned, stopping me with a hand reaching across my hip. “Stop.” I furrowed my brows in confusion, but that dissipated as he leaned down and kissed me softly. “How you feelin’?” I smiled up at him. “Good. Really good.” He chuckled and kissed my forehead before letting me pass, but not without a swift smack to my ass as I walked by. I squealed and hurried out of the kitchen, sitting in my usual spot at the table. 

He was right, it wasn’t long before he brought the food out. I furrowed my brows as he set both plates in front of him. “Come here.” He motioned me over with a finger and sat back in his chair. I stood, walking over and he grabbed my hips, gently guiding me to sit on his lap. I straddled his thigh but he grabbed my legs, swinging me sideways. “That’s better.” His right arm wrapped around my waist before he grabbed a fork and cut part of the toast off, offering it to me. I blushed but took the bite off the fork. “Fuck,” I moaned, head falling back. “That’s good.” I was startled as his lips pressed into my neck, soft wet kisses just under my ear. My head was hazy and I could feel my blood thrumming through my veins. “Darlin’?” I hummed as his lips pressed against me again. “I asked if you wanted more.” I just nodded and he pulled away. My eyes opened and I watched as he cut off more for me and I took the bite again. Once more his lips pressed against my neck. I turned my head, giving him more access before I spoke. “You gotta stop.” I said and he chuckled, tongue darting out and licking just under my ear. “And why would I wanna do that?” 

I squeezed my thighs together, his voice was husky and I knew he had no intention of stopping. “I’m not gonna make it through breakfast if you don’t.” A groan escaped him as my hand that was wrapped around his shoulders, moved into his hair. “Oh really?” I nodded as his lips continued their assault. “Jake. I’m not kidding, I'm either about to climb you like a tree or suck your soul out.” I would happily do either. Ride him right here in this chair or get on my knees and feel him on my tongue again. He pulled away, squeezing my hip. “Let’s get you fed first.” First. The insinuation that there will be after breakfast sex had me excited. We ate our food, me feeding him a few bites before we got up. I was loading the dishwasher when I felt Jake press into me from behind. I stood up, leaning back into his chest as his hands gently rested on my waist. “Did you like breakfast?” He asked, breath fanning against my ear. “I did. It was absolutely delicious.” I said, leaning my head back against his shoulder and looking up at him. He smirked, lips attacking my neck again. My breath shuddered as one hand stayed on my waist, the other coming up to cradle the opposite side of my neck. “Jake.” I sighed. 

“It’s so easy to get you going.” He muttered against my skin. I pushed back into him, a groan escaping him. “What do you want, darlin’?” He asked, pressing kisses to my jaw. “You.” I whined, turning to face him. “Just want you.” He smiled at me, head dipping to gently kiss my lips. He threaded his fingers through my hair, keeping me close as my hands rested on his bare chest. “Thought maybe you regretted last night when I woke up and saw you were gone.” I admitted and he pulled back, forehead resting on mine. “I told you last night I could never regret it, and I meant it.” I smiled, stepping away from him and hoisting myself on the counter. “I don’t regret it either.” I said as he stepped closer. I laced my fingers behind his neck, legs wrapping around his waist and pulling him in close. I could feel he was getting hard and I smirked. “In fact, I really really want you.” He raised a brow. “Right now?” I nodded, leaning forward. “Right now.” With that, I kissed him, tongue licking along the seam of his lips. He opened for me, allowing my tongue to slip in. His hands gripped my thighs tightly, fingers digging in as I licked into his mouth. “What do you say, cowboy? You up for it?” He smirked at me before leaning close, his nose brushing against mine. He grabbed my ankles, lifting them and setting my feet on the counter next to me, baring my dripping pussy to him. “Don’t fucking move.” He said before smacking my thigh. I yelped before he walked away, leaving me exposed to the chilly air in the house. 

I sat there, patiently waiting for him to return, not moving. He came back with something between his fingers. He tossed it on the counter next to me and I noticed it was a condom. As I turned back to him, he gently held my neck as he leaned in. “Good girl.” I was putty in his hands. He reached down, untying my robe and opening it. His free hands slid around my waist before he kissed me. “Nothing on underneath your robe? You do that on purpose?” He asked, his nose nuzzling my jaw. “Yes.” I sighed out. His lips attached to my neck again and my mind went fuzzy. His kisses went down my throat, across my chest and I whined as he took one of my nipples between his teeth. His hand left my waist and slid down my torso until he grazed my core. “So needy for me aren’t you darlin’?” I nodded as he kissed between the valley of my breasts and down my torso. “I can’t help it.” I said and he chuckled before nipping at the skin beneath my breast. “Jake.” I gasped, arching into him. His hand pressed into my back, keeping me arched as he sunk to his knees. “I got you, darlin’. Don’t you worry.�� His tongue darted out, licking up my center until he flicked my clit. I leaned my head back on the cabinet, eyes closed as my hand wandered down to his hair. His hair was messed up from where I ran my hands through it last night, and I couldn’t help but grip the hair at the back of his head, tugging gently. He moaned into my core, sending sparks of electricity through me. “You like that?” I asked, looking down at him. 

His eyes met mine, those green orbs focusing on me. I tugged on his hair again and he moaned against me. He sucked on my clit, making me hiss before he pulled away. “Katie, if you do that again-” I gripped his hair tightly, a smirk on my face before I tugged him back towards my core. “Shut up and lick my pussy.” I thought he was going to do it, but I yelped as he yanked himself away and his hand shot out, gripping my neck. His thumb brushed my jaw as he leaned close before he used his thumb to push my head back as he bit my neck. I cried out before he let go, licking my ear. “I’ve played by your rules long enough, I’m gonna enjoy breaking them while I break you.” I moaned at his words but yelped again when he lifted me from the counter and tossed me over his shoulder. His hand came up and smacked my ass playfully and I was surprised by the moan that escaped me. “Harder.” I demanded and he stopped. He moved me till my legs were wrapped around his waist and he held me close. “Are you sure, darlin’? I don’t wanna hurt you.” He said as he brushed some hair behind my ear. I nodded as I linked my fingers behind his neck. “I have so much negative association with marks on my body. I don’t want that anymore. I want to associate them with loving touches, not pain and misery.” I met his gaze and he held my eyes. “What are you saying, Katie?” One hand supported my weight and the other rubbed my back gently. “I want pain to make me think of pleasure, of you breaking me apart piece by piece until all that’s left is you.” I told him as my hand cupped his cheek. 

He slammed his lips into mine before pulling away and pushing me till I was back over his shoulder. I bit my lip before letting out a loud moan. His hand connected with my ass again, much harsher than the first time. He carried me up the stairs, a sense of purpose in his stride. We topped the stairs and I furrowed my brows as we passed my room. Jake made it to the end of the hallway where he swung his door open before slamming it behind us once we cleared the doorway. He walked over to the large king sized bed, tossing me onto it. My robe fell open around me, exposing my entire body to him. He leaned closer, nipping at my chest. My fingers tangled into his hair, one of his hands groping my breast and the other holding my hip. He grabbed my leg, hoisting it over his shoulder and I whimpered, needing him to do something. I opened my eyes just in time to see his hand pull back before he spanked me and I moaned. “You want more?” He asked and I nodded, hands now resting on his shoulders. “Please.” He smirked, kissing me quickly. “You’re so pretty when you beg.” He rolled my legs to the side, my back twisted at an odd angle before he spanked me again. “Just needed a little attention, huh?” He asked before spanking me again. I noticed he was staring at my ass and I looked and saw a red mark shaped like fingers. “You’ll walk around, covered in marks I left and everyone will know who you belong to.” He leaned over me, lips falling to my neck. “Jake,” I whined before he spanked me again. “Need you.” He chuckled, rubbing the red marks to soothe the sting. 

“Okay, darlin’. Hang on.” He pulled back and I thought he would grab the condom but he stopped and I felt his finger run up my entrance. I shivered before he plunged a single finger into me. I whimpered at the feeling. It felt like nothing compared to having his cock inside me last night, I felt so full then and this feels like nothing compared to that. “Jake.” I whined. “I told you I was done playing by your rules, and to remind you of your place, this is all you get right now.” He curled his finger forward, grazing that spot inside me and I moaned, my head falling back. “What is my place?” I asked, his forehead falling to mine. I was breathing heavily and I looked down, seeing his thick cock straining against his boxers. “With me.” I fully expected some sexual innuendo but he stunned me with that. I stared up at him and he smiled at me before his lips fell to mine again and his finger once again grazed that spot deep inside me. “You belong with me. You’re mine. No one else’s and I’m gonna show you that.” His nose grazed mine as his forehead fell to mine again. His finger continuously grazing that soft spot within my walls and I felt my belly tighten with pleasure. 

I moaned into the kiss, mouth opening as his free hand came up, tweaking my nipple. His tongue licked into my mouth, tangling with mine and fighting for dominance. I was so lost in the pleasure I couldn’t even put up a fight. “Oh! Oh fuck! Jake! Jake I’m gonna cum!” I moaned out. My hands reached behind my head, gripping his pillows tightly. I gasped and then cried out as he removed his fingers. “Jake!” I whined, attempting to sit up, but he pushed me back down, teeth latching onto my nipple. My fingers wove into his hair and he stopped. “Uh uh. You need to be punished for being bossy earlier.” His hand came up, gently gripping my throat. “So you don’t get to cum until I allow it.” I whined. “Don’t want your fingers. I want you inside me.” My hand trailed down his boxers, cupping his large erection through it. He gripped my wrist, pinning it by my head. “Not until you cum on my fingers, only then can you have my cock.” He bent down, biting across my chest and leaving marks behind. He used his finger to bring me to the edge over and over until I was a sobbing wreck beneath him. “Jake.” I cried out. Some of the marks he left were already turning dark in color and getting sore. He occasionally prodded at them and it felt good. The soreness felt so good. 

“You want more?” I nodded, my hands making their way into his hair. “Tell me how you feel and I’ll give you what you want.” His lips met mine in a deep kiss and I tugged on his blonde tresses as he held me close to him. "Fuck. Love you." He panted out. I froze, fingers still in his hair as his green eyes met mine. My heart pounded wildly in my chest. His fingers tightened their hold on my waist as he continued to look down at me. “Katie-” “Jake-” We both started at the same time. “Please. Let me go first.” He said and I stared at him for a second before nodding. “It’s ok if you’re not ready to tell me. I’m ready to tell you though, if you’ll hear it.” Deep breaths, Katie. It’s okay, just breathe. I nodded and he sat up, his own fingers running through his hair. “Katie.” He looked down at me, green eyes blown wide. “I meant what I said.  I don't know when it happened, but it did.  I love you, Katie." I felt tears well behind my eyes as I looked up at him. He leaned over me, his body weight pressing into me as his hand rested on the side of my neck. 

 His touch caused the tears to spill over and they flowed down my cheeks as one hand came up to hold his wrist. “You mean it?” His face faltered as he looked down at me before he leaned down, kissing my forehead, my nose and then my lips. “Unconditionally, darlin’.” He leaned down till his forehead pressed against mine. “You mean so much to me, Katie.” I choked on a sob before I grabbed his face and gently pulled him down into a kiss. It was soft and sweet, slowly venturing into deeper territory. I gently pushed on his chest until he sat up and I followed. I held his gaze as I slowly pulled my robe off my shoulders, tossing it to the floor. He stood and slipped his boxers off before crawling back onto the bed, his hand resting on my back as he laid me back down. I grabbed the condom from its spot next to me on the bed, opening it. I assisted him in sliding it on, his eyes never leaving me before he leaned over me, his lips crashing into mine once again. My fingers once again made their way into his hair, one of his hands gripped my thigh, hoisting it around his waist. “Tell me what you want, darlin’. I’ll give you anything.” He said as his lips latched onto my throat. I gasped as the swollen head of his cock nudged my entrance. “You.” I moaned out. “All I want is you, Jake.” He sat up, his eyes meeting mine before he kissed me gently. “I’m all yours, darlin’.” 

My hands rested against his neck as he slowly pushed into me. The way he stretched me out was a delicious feeling, the pain felt good. He pushed in a little before pulling out and pushing in more, working himself into me before he was finally buried to the hilt. He nipped at my breast as a gasp escaped me which turned into a moan. “You feel like heaven, Katie.” He moaned as he slid out a little before slipping back in. ”Jake.” I whined, his movements making me dizzy. “What is it, darlin’?” He asked as he gave a powerful thrust. “So big.” I moaned out. He brushed against that spot inside me causing me to squeeze around him and his hips stuttered. “Sh-shit, Katie. God you’re so tight, darlin’.” I lifted my other leg, wrapping it around him to pull him in closer. This wasn’t close enough, I needed him under my skin, to be so close that we would be connected in more ways than this. I wanted him tethered to my soul. He sat up on his knees, pulling me higher into his lap as his thrusts sped up. “Oh fuck! Jake!” I moaned out, tossing my head back against the pillows. The new angle had him brushing against that spongy spot inside of me repeatedly. “You look so beautiful with that fucked out look on your face. Makes me wanna keep you beneath me for the rest of my life.” He leaned down, kissing me and as he pulled back I sat up on my elbows, looking down and seeing him slip inside me before he pulled back out, leaving just the tip inside me. My mouth hung open as moans repeatedly fell from my lips and I looked up at him to see he was already looking at me. 

“Such a good girl for me.” I laid back at his words, my back arching as a shiver ran up my spine. “You like when I call you a good girl, don’t you?” He had a smirk on his face as he held my hips repeatedly slamming his hips into mine. I could only nod in response to his question as my moans grew louder. His hand cradled my cheek before he shoved his thumb into my mouth. I wrapped my lips around it, sucking harshly as I moaned around it. “Fuck, you’re a filthy little thing, aren’t you?Sucking on my thumb like it’s my cock.” Another harsh thrust had me moaning. A fire grew in my belly and I knew it wasn’t gonna be long. I reached up, pulling his thumb out and more moans escaped me. “That’s right, darlin’. Get loud for me. Let the neighbors hear who fucks you so good.” He leaned down, taking my nipple between his teeth and making me squeal. “Jake!” He chuckled against me, before releasing it with a ‘pop’. “What is it, darlin’? Hm? You gonna cum for me?” I nodded. “So deep. I’m gonna cum.” I babbled out, to me it didn;t even sound like a sentence. My head was spinning and I felt like I couldn’t get enough breath into my lungs, not with the smell of him invading me. He leaned over me, laying his body weight on me, which felt amazing. His arms went around my waist as his forehead rested on mine. It felt as if he somehow went deeper and I could almost feel him down in my belly. “Fuck, you’re so close, darlin’. Can feel you squeezing me like a vice.” His accent became thicker and it sent sparks through me. “You gonna cum on my cock, darlin’?” Oh god, how I wanted to. “Yes.” I whined out. “You’re doing so good for me. Come on, Katie. Soak my cock, darlin’.” I yelped as my orgasm grew closer. I wrapped my arms under his shoulders, nails digging into his back. “Fuck yes.” He groaned out. His chest was heaving and sweat covered his body, making him shine in the mid day light that glowed throughout the room. 

“Jake!” I whined, my legs starting to shake from the feeling. “That’s it, darlin. Fuck you’re gonna make me cum. Gonna let me cum in this pretty little pussy? Gonna let me ruin you? Because, fuck darlin’. You’ve already ruined me.” His arms came up under my own shoulders, crossing behind my back and holding me still as he pounded into me. “Fuck!” I yelled out as my orgasm washed over me. “Jake!” I screamed. I attempted to close my legs but because Jake was there I couldn’t. My back arched into him and he held me as he fucked me through my orgasm. “Oh fuck!” Jake yelled out. His lips crashed into mine as I raked my nails down his back. His own orgasm causing his body to spasm against mine. Even with the condom on I could feel his warmth flooding inside me and I thought back to what he said. “Gonna let me cum in this pretty little pussy.” Not gonna lie, the thought already had me ready to go again. “Katie.” I remembered he was above me and my eyes focused on him. “You okay, darlin’?” I nodded. “I’m fantastic.” I said and he chuckled before getting up. “Come on.” He pulled me from the bed, then into his arms. “We need a shower.” 

Everything about the shower was sweet, the sexual tension being left behind in the bedroom. It was all soft touches, and kisses as he held me under the water. The rest of the day was a blur with two more rounds of sex. Once on the couch and another with me pinned against the wall in the hallway. But when night came, another shower was over and the sheets on his bed changed, there was a heaviness on my chest. I slipped into a forest green nightgown that came about mid thigh, and I was brushing my hair out after I blow dried it. Jake was in his room and I walked over to my room to plug in my phone. Once that was done I slowly walked down the hall, my hands folded behind my back as I stopped in his doorway. He was sitting in bed, in nothing but his boxers, covers pulled back as he read a book. I wasn’t sure what to do from here. I know we slept in my bed last night, but that was spur of the moment, this wasn’t just because it was late and we were exhausted. We both had to get up in the morning, him for work and me for school. Does he even want me in his bed? “Katie?” I realized he was talking to me and I raised my brows in acknowledgement. “You okay?” I immediately nodded. “Yeah, I just uh… came to say goodnight.” He furrowed his brows in confusion as I turned around. “Where are you going?” I turned back to him, my own brows furrowed this time. “My room.” Oh, please ask me to stay. “Oh, you can sleep in there if you want. But I was kind of hoping you’d sleep in here tonight… with me.” There was a blush on his cheeks and I bit my lip to keep my smile from growing too wide. “Really?” I asked and he nodded. “Yeah.” I smiled and quickly walked to the far end of the bed as he pulled the covers back for me. 

I crawled in, getting under the soft covers and leaned back against the pillows. “Come ‘ere.” He reached over, arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me closer. I couldn’t help but giggle as I slammed into his side, my hand coming up to rest on his chest as he continued to read. “Is the book good?” He nodded. “It’s called ‘Devotion’.” I raised my brow, catching a glimpse of the back cover. “I may have to steal it sometime.” He just chuckled before closing the book and setting it on his night stand, cutting out the light. “I don’t think it’s really your style.” He said before He kissed my head, sliding down in the bed and pulling me close. My head rested against his chest, his heartbeat thudding in my ears. His thumb brushed rubbed circles into my hip and his chin gently rested on top of my head. This is the man that told me he loved me. I don’t know how it happened and apparently he didn’t either. I never thought I’d find someone who’d love me. I was sure my parents would marry me off to some stranger, and I think they almost did. Jake is not only handsome as hell, he’s compassionate, driven, motivated. He has goals he wants to achieve, he made a name for himself through hard work, not mommy and daddy’s money, like my parents would’ve married me to. He’s the kind of man I never realized I hoped for. 

I looked up at him, causing him to shift. “Jake?” I whispered, hoping he was still awake. “Yeah, darlin’?” He whispered back and I bit my lip. “I love you too.” I was almost worried he didn’t hear by how long it took him to react. But soon he looked down at me, green eyes meeting mine in the dark. “Really?” He asked and I nodded. “I do. I love you too.” He surged forward, lips meeting mine in a loving kiss. All the emotions we held poured into it. As he pulled away I realized I had a few tears streaming down my cheeks. “Be mine?” He asked as he cradled my face in his large hands. I immediately nodded. “Of course.” He smiled at me before he kissed my lips, my cheek, my nose, my forehead, everywhere he could. “I love you too, darlin’.” I smiled at him before burying my face in his chest. His arms tightened around me, giving me a sense of safety. Another thing I always wondered if I would ever feel with someone. “Goodnight, Jake.” I muttered before pressing my lips to his chest, right where his heart was. “Goodnight, darlin’.” His own lips landed in my hair and it wasn’t long after that, we both dozed off.

The next morning was a little bit of a blur. Jake gets up so early to get a run in before work I never felt him slip out of the bed. He has to be on base and ready by six thirty so when he leaned down and kissed my forehead at six a.m. it was time for me to get up anyway. He pulled away but I reached out and pulled him into an actual kiss. “Have a good day.” I whispered as I let him go. “You too, darlin’.” He brushed some hair from my face and I smiled at him. “I love you.” His smile grew wider and he grabbed my hand, kissing my knuckles. “I love you too.” With that he was out the door and pulling out of the driveway. Once he was gone I couldn’t help but squeal and kick my legs around in the bed. I quickly got up and got ready for the day, even managing to make time to make the bed. 

By the time I got to school I had beat Brook and Annie there, claiming the front table as ours. When they walked in they both sat on either side of me as I finished filling out my planner for the week. “What’s got you in a good mood? You hate being up early.” Annie said as she sat down. “I think I know.” Brook said, a sly grin on her face. “She has a hickey.” Brook whispered, pointing towards the junction of my neck and collar bone. Annie gasped and turned to face me fully. “You got fucked? That’s why you’re in such a good mood. Who was it?” She asked and I blushed. “Was it Jake?” Brook asked and I grinned before nodding rapidly. “Katie, if you're happy, great. Just remember what I said, friends with benefits rarely ever works out.” I bit my lip, sliding my chair back slightly and motioning them to lean in closer. “He told me he loved me last night.” They both reeled back, gasping. “SH!” They both stared at me wide eyed as I shushed them. “You’re so spilling at lunch.” Brook said as Rebecca came in, ready to start the lesson. 

“So he told you he loved you?” I nodded. “We had sex Saturday night, but what we did on Sunday wasn't just sex. It was… making love.” I usually cringed at the term, convinced I’d never have that. But after last night, I felt like I was on cloud nine! “That’s so sweet!” Annie said and Brook nodded. “You landed a looker too! Is he good in bed?” Annie smacked her arm as a blush crept up my neck. “Without giving too much detail, I cum, hard, every time.” Brook slammed her hand on the table. “Dammit! I’m so fucking jealous right now!” We both giggled at Brook’s reaction. “I’m serious! No man has ever made me cum! Even with oral. What about you Annie?” Annie blushed as well. “My boyfriend's learning. He was successful twice last week.” Brook groaned and laid her head on the table. “I need a man.” She said and we laughed. “We’ll find you one.” I said as I patted her back. 

Once we were done with class I rushed home, ready to see Jake. I smiled as I saw his truck in the driveway, and practically fell out of my own truck when I tried to get out. I locked the door and made my way up onto the porch. I swung the door open, practically shaking with excitement. “Jake? I’m home!” I called as I set my bag down by the table in the entryway. His footsteps sounded down the stairs and he was dressed in some dark wash jeans, and a black longhorns shirt with a hat on backwards. Dear god, this man is out to kill me. I was so excited to see him I couldn’t help but squeal as I ran for him and jumped into his arms. My lips met his and he chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me. My own arms around his neck and legs around his waist. “Well hi to you too.” He said as I pulled away. “I missed you.” I said as my forehead rested against his. “I missed you too, darlin’.” He set me down, kissing my cheek. “How was your day?” He asked as he stepped by me, pulling some chicken from the freezer. “Good. Um, Brook and Annie know.” He turned to me and smiled. “I haven’t told the team yet. Figured we could do that together.” I smiled and nodded as I stepped closer. “I like that idea.” 

I wrapped my arms around him, resting my cheek on his back as I took a deep breath. “Katie.” I hummed and he chuckled. “I gotta defrost this chicken, darlin’.” I pouted to myself slightly and pulled away. “Give me a minute and I’ll give you all the attention you deserve.” I smiled and leaned against the counter, watching as he put the chicken under cold water to thaw out before washing his hands. “Now, where were we?” He asked as he grabbed my waist. He went to lift me on the counter but I stopped him. “Uh uh. There’s something else I’ve been wanting to do all day.” I turned us around so his back rested against the counter before I sunk down to my knees. “God, darlin’. You’re gonna be the death of me.” He said, his hand cradling my cheek. “I thought the same thing when I saw you in these jeans.” God did he look good, but jeans could never hide how big he was. He was hard in his jeans and he moaned, his head falling back as I popped the button on them. The tent in his black boxers was obvious and I couldn’t help but place a soft kiss on his growing bulge. I looked up at him, his eyes glued to me as I pulled his jeans down a little before doing the same with his boxers. I could’ve drooled at the sight of him, hard and veiny as he rested against his abdomen. 

My tongue darted out, trailing the vein on the underside from base to tip. I wrapped my hand around him, pulling his cock towards my lips as I placed a soft kiss on the head. Precum leaked out and I couldn’t help but use my thumb to smear it around before taking him into my mouth. “Such a good girl for me.” He moaned out as I sucked on him. His words alone had me shifting, looking for some relief. My panties were soaked, so much so, I thought I might have a spot on my scrub pants. I took him deeper and his fingers tangled in my hair. “That’s it, darlin’. Taking me so well. You like sucking on my cock?” I looked up at him, nodding as I took more of him. “You can have my cock whenever you want, darlin’.” I placed both hands on his thighs as I worked to take him deeper. I had saliva dripping out of my mouth, it slid down my chin and neck and his cock was soaked in it. “God you give the messiest blowjobs. Fucking love it.” He moaned out as I started bobbing my head along his length, slowly taking more and more of him until finally my nose was nuzzled against the hairs at the base of his cock. I looked up at him as best I could, the tip hitting the back of my throat and making me gag.

“Fuck! Katie.” His breathing was deep and I could tell he was trying to keep control. But god, did I want this man feral for me, and thankfully, I knew just how to do it. I pulled him out completely, making him moan before I took him all the way again. I buried my face in his pelvis, swallowing harshly. “Fuck!” He jumped, hands going into my hair and holding me there. “Do it again.” He growled. I happily did it again, and again and by the third time he was cumming down my throat and I did the best I could to swallow it all, but I gagged again and it started leaking from the corners of my mouth. Jake used my hair to pull me off of him before he helped me stand. “You look so pretty when you cry for me.” He said as he brushed some of my hair out of my face. I didn’t realize I had tears streaking my cheeks, but it was no wonder as to why. “Now come on, we have about an hour until I can start dinner and I can think of about a hundred different ways to wreck you in that time.” He surprised me when he kissed me, tasting himself on my tongue. “But before that,” He cradled my head gently and kissed my cheek before kissing me again. “I love you, darlin’.” He said and I smiled at him. “I love you too, Jake.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[hotforharrysheart]

Playing With Toys Part 2

Although technically a day off between shows, you and Harry couldn’t really spend any time together because he had virtual meetings, and you were scheduled to have your first lesson from Gavin on how to run the new sound booth Harry had gifted you. It was state of the art and meant that you no longer needed to fly back to London to record your podcasts. And all that meant you didn’t have to be away from him. It simply traveled with the rest of the equipment.

You heft your knapsack on your shoulder and place your thumb on the infrared fingerprint pad on the lock to the sound booth. There was plenty of room for you and up to four guests. You sit at your spot and pull out your laptop, notepad and pen. Everything looked the same as the first time you saw it just a few days earlier. It was amazing how things could be moved from venue to venue and it never look like anything had changed. You were quickly learning how disorienting that fact could be; you had moments when you forgot what city you were in. You open your laptop just as you hear a knock at the door and roll your chair over to open the door and greet a smiling Gavin.

“You ready to become the next soundboard expert?” He asks with a friendly smile.

You raise your eyebrows. “I’m ready, Gavin. Thank you so much for helping me! This is a little more involved than the set up I have in London, so I’m ready to tackle this beast and get some work done.”

“Well, alright then, let’s get started.” He pulls one of the other office chairs around to sit next to you. “Go ahead and put on the headset so you can get used to talking and listening through it, I find that helps orient you to the system.” He shows you the volume, how to adjust the mic and the basic operation – much of the same things that Harry had shown you earlier. It did help to have the headsets on when it came to keeping oriented to the sensitivity of the system.

Forty-five minutes later and you had a pretty good understanding of the way the board worked with the computer. “Why don’t we practice recording something before I head out,” Gavin says pointing toward the record button.

He clicks around on the computer desktop and furrows his brows, “Looks like there’s an external drive in the USB port.”

You frown and shrug your shoulders, click on the file, and run the play arrow to about half-way through the recording and release the button. Suddenly, you hear Harry’s voice saying, “Gonna cum for me?” and then your whimper, “Yes, only for you…”

“Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god!” you immediately begin clicking on the play button that is actually the pause button and you’re pausing and playing, pausing and playing. You’re absolutely frantic to stop the recording. The heat begins in your ears and the next thing you know your face is on fire with the temperature of your entire body changing to volcanic.

Gavin sucks his lips in trying to contain his laughter and simply takes off his headset and reaches up to use the touchscreen monitor to press the stop button.

You slap both hands on your face and begin bouncing your knees up and down. “I could absolutely die, just die right here!” You mumble through your hands only daring to peek at him through your parted fingers.

He’s kept it professional for as long as he can before the chuckle escapes. He simply reaches over, pulls out the thumb drive that contains the offending recording, and hands it to you and says, “Happens to the very best of us…might wanna make sure you remember this next time.”

“Oh my god, I may never be able to face you again!” You whisper-shout with a squeal, “I could just die!”

Gavin grins and says, “Well don’t do that, Harry would never forgive me…don’t worry about it. How about we stop for the day and you practice for a while. You can text me if you have any questions.”

You nod and thank him again, but you don’t dare meet his gaze or even stand to walk him out the door. Once the door shuts behind him you break out into a weird grin, then a giggle…and finally, it just hits, hysterical laughter, not because things are funny, but because your level of anxiety just bubbled out that way. You cross your arms on the desk and bury your face in your elbow. Just about that time you hear the notification on your phone of an incoming text message from Harry. Shaking and trembling, you search for your phone.

You breathe in and out slowly through your nose to calm yourself down some. After a minute you feel better. At least you’re not shaking. You grab your phone and see that you have a text from Harry saying that he’s on his way to see you. You can’t help but giggle. Oh boy, he’s gonna get a kick out of this story. You shake your head…you still can’t believe that happened. Jesus. Just then, you hear the lock whirring and then you see him come through the door.

“Hey baby,” he says, coming over and leaning down to give you a soft kiss.

“Hi.” You pick up the thumb drive and hold it out to him. “Look familiar?”

He smiles.

Yeah, he recognizes it, you think. “So…funny story. I had my sound board tutorial with Gavin today.”

“Yeah? It go well?”

“Mmmm…well, he’s a great teacher. Everything went great until he chose to use the thumb drive that was already there to do some practice.”

His eyebrows go up and then his mouth drops open.

“Yeah…,” you rub your hands down the sides of your face, “Sooo he heard some of the stuff we recorded the other day. I was so embarrassed!”

“Awww, baby I really am sorry,” he says, trying not to laugh. “Ya got ta hear it though, yeah?”

You nod, “Some of it….”

“Was it sexy?”

“Harry! That’s not the point!” You call out whacking his side.

“I know, bu’ I still wanna know.”

You lean forward to kiss him and he smiles against your lips. “It was very, very sexy. It would’ve been a lot sexier if Gavin hadn’t been here.”

He kisses you again. “Can we listen?”

You smile and nod, “Lock that door for god’s sake.” Then your phone rings and you look at the number. “Hold on, baby this is my doctor. One second.”

He nods, but he pulls you from your chair onto his lap, lips kissing your neck. He listens at your one-sided conversation, just enjoying your smell.

You disconnect the call and sigh. “Fuck! I..I have to go back to London.”

“Wha’ for?” he frowns with concern.

You sigh again. “It’s time for my birth control shot and I totally forgot or I would’ve gone last week. I’m so sorry, honey. I know I just got back,” you whine.

It’s his turn to sigh. “‘S’ok. I’ll come with ya.”

“You can’t, H! It’s the day after tomorrow and you have a show.”

He frowns. He doesn’t like this at all. Not one bit. “Bu’ everythin’s ok right? Jus’ gettin’ ya shot? Nothin’ else righ’?”

You kiss him quickly. “Just a yearly and my birth control. Should be fine.”

“I shoul’ be there wi’ ya. Ya get pumped full of hormones fo’ tha both of us, wish I could take care of ya.”

You smile. He really is the sweetest man. “You’re so sweet and I love you so much,” you say kissing him.

“Mmmm…love ya s’much. I’ll make all ya arrangements an’ we’ll get ya back ta me as soon as possible. An’ we’re gonna get ya set up wi’ my doctor so ya can get seen where ever we are, yeah?”

“Mmmm…that sounds good. Thank you.”

***the next morning***

You’re all packed up and your case is by the door. Harry sneaks over and slowly unzips your case and places your remote toy and some of your favorite lingerie in your bag and quietly zips it up. He knows you’ll say that you don’t need it, but he also knows that you’ll need to be relaxed for your appointment and you’ll call him needy and wanting him to help you relax.

“H?” You call from the bedroom.

“Be right there!” He smirks as he walks to the bedroom.

He insists on riding with you to catch your flight, so you’re both sat in the back of the car attempting to say your final good-byes.

“I thought we weren’t going to have to do this…I hate leaving you and to have to leave to go the gyno, ugh,” you look out the window trying to hide your expression, “But I really do appreciate Dr. Wallis and his nurse agreeing to an afterhours appointment. I cannot imagine having this visit plastered on social media. That would be worse than the Gavin lesson.”

“Tha’s why ‘m gonna get ya set up wi’ my doc, so ya don’ ‘ave ta worry,” he says pulling your face back toward his. He offers an expression of understanding and devotion. “I mean… hope ya know tha’ I really do wish I could be there, an’ tha’…I recognize tha’ you do this fo’… us, I mean… take the fuckin’ shot myself if I could so ya don’ ‘ave to.”

You cup his cheek and smile softly, “Aww, sweet boy, I know you would, honestly the shot’s not a big deal… now the exam,” you shiver, “dreading, dreading…thank god, it only has to happen once a year. I’ll have a glass of wine before I go tonight that’ll help hopefully.”

He leans over to give you a gentle kiss, “Text me when ya land?”

“Yes, I’ll miss you, but I’ll see you after the show tomorrow night. Miss me?”

“Massively,” he says running his hand up your neck into your hair. “Miss me?”

“Madly,” you say closing your eyes and leaning your head against his hand.

After the final “I love yous” and “just one last kiss,” you make your way on board and settle in for the flight. You let out a long breath. “Be glad when this is all over,” you say to an empty cabin.

***London***

You stumble your way into the house with your case rolling behind you and a knapsack on your back. Plopping your pack down on the couch you check your watch. You have five hours before the car arrives to take you to Dr. Wallis’ office. “Shower!” You say to yourself grabbing your wheelie case and making your way to the bedroom. You stop for a moment when you get to the bedroom and look at the bed fondly. So many talks, laughs and so much love made there, with Harry. Still seems like a dream sometimes. Hoisting the case onto the bed, you stop and run downstairs for that glass of wine you’re desperate for. You grab your knapsack and carry it and the wine up the stairs. You open it and plug your laptop in and reach for the zipper on your case. There’s a black velvet drawstring bag tucked on the top. You smile to yourself knowing that there will be something sexy from Harry in there. Inside is your favorite navy-blue lace body suit with a split crotch with delicately placed flowers on the bra cups. The memories associated with it cause you to pull it close to your chest. The last time you wore this Harry had you laid out on this very bed as he pulled orgasm after orgasm out of you with his fingers and his tongue. You feel your pussy clench at the thought and can’t help squeezing your thighs together tighter. You pick up the velvet bag and turn it upside down and the remote toy falls out. You suck in your lips and look at it for a moment before you move and pick up your phone to text Harry.

You: Someone left a surprise in my bag…

Harry: What kind?

You: Sexy surprise…thank you (you attach a close-up of the lace on the bodysuit)

Harry: Call me in 30?

You: Yes

Harry: Video, and next time be wearing the lace

You: Yes, sir.

You check your watch and take a big gulp of your wine. You stop long enough to light two candles, Mahogany Teakwood and place them and the toy on the bedside table. You also lay out the navy lace before skipping off to the shower. Clipping your hair up, you turn on the towel warmer and jump in the shower to and make quick work of washing and shaving. Dried off you walk stark naked into the bedroom, it smells incredibly sexy, and put on the body suit. You set up your laptop and settle back on the pillows with your glass of wine and your dirty thoughts and wait for his call.

You receive a text and say a silent prayer that it’s not work related because you aren’t about to handle any distractions at the moment. It’s from Harry.

Harry: Put the toy in

You: Ok

Harry: I’ll call in 5 minutes, be ready

You lie back against the pillows, pull up your knees and spread your legs. You run your finger along the split crotch and settle the lace straps on either side of your pussy. You’re so wet. You take the pink toy and run it along your slit, circling your clit. Suddenly, it pulses slowly. “Mmmm…” you moan, startled. You circle your clit again as you close your eyes and your back arches. Then it stops. “Humph!” Your eyes fly open and you look down your body and hold it up like you could suddenly make it work again. Then it begins to pulse a little stronger and you immediately use it to gather some wetness and circle your clit again. The laptop starts indicating an incoming call. You put the toy on your tummy and reach over to accept the call.

“Why isn’t inside ya?” Harry’s face and torso fill the screen, he’s shirtless and wearing a pair of black silk lounge pants. He too is resting against the bed at the hotel.

“Well, hello to you too,” you respond.

“Hi baby, please put ma toy inside ya and lemme watch. Ya look s’fuckin’ sexy on ma screen.”

You place the laptop in front of you and between your legs. “Can you see everything?” You ask him.

He gulps. “Yeah, move it back jus’ a bit mo’.”

“Like this?”

“‘S good. Fuck, ya look good.”

You smirk. “Thank you. Ready baby?”

He nods and watches intently as you take the toy from your tummy and trail it down your slit.

“Mmmm…I’m so wet Harry. I bet it’ll slide right in.”

“Shit…put it in. Wanna see.”

You slowly put it in and you hear him groan.

“Fuck! ‘S it feel good?”

You nod. “Yes,” you say breathily.

“Good.”

You sigh as you meet his eyes on the monitor. As sexy as this is, you wish you were there with him. You gasp as the vibrations start and your eyes close.

“Eyes on me, please.”

You open your eyes. Your hands are already gripping the sheets and your hips are moving against the sheets.

“God…I wish ya could see yaself. Look s’good squirming fo’ me.”

You can just see his finger moving on his phone controlling the toy, moving the intensity down and then up, never quite giving you what you need.

He smirks and then sets the toy on the lowest setting and then off.

“Harry!”

“Talk to me, darling. Tell me how ya feel.”

“Mmmm…can still feel it. If I move, I think I can cum.” You move your hips. “Ahhhh…ahhh…ahhh…oh god.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop moving love.”

“Ungh…” You say, but stop moving.

“Good girl. Touch ya tits fo’ me.”

You slide the lace cups down and cup your breasts for him.

“Fuck ya tits’re amazin’. Pinch ya nipples. Make it feel good. Imagine my hands…know ya love my hands.”

“Mmmm…your hands are so good baby. Nothing feels as good as your hands,” you say circling your nipples and then pinching them. “Ahhhh! Mmmm…”

“Do it again.”

So you do.

“Harder.”

You puff out a breath but pinch then pinch them hard.

Just as you pinch them, he turns the toy back on at a medium speed and you cry out, closing your eyes.

“Mmmmm…yes, yes, yes!”

And then it’s gone again. “Unghhhh!”

“Eyes on me or I’m turning it off. Understand?”

You meet his eyes. “Yes.”

“Good girl. Ready?”

You nod.

He turns it back on to the lowest setting. “Gonna start slow. Tell me how it feels.”

“Mmmm…it’s almost touching our spot, baby. It…uh…feels good. Can I move, please Harry?”

He groans. You asking him for permission is almost more than he can handle. “Killin’ me, darling. Yeah, ya can move.”

You start moving your hips and then he moves the speed to medium high. “Ahhhh! Hahhhh! Oh oh oh!” Your hands fly to the bed and grip the sheets.

“Ya close I can tell.” He moves the controls so the intensity goes from medium high to high.

“Ahhh! Ahhhh! I’m…ohhhhh…cumming! Harry!” Your eyes close as you lose yourself to the vibrations. Your chest is heaving up and down and your knees have closed together and swayed to one side as the last of the tremors run through your body.

“Babe, ‘m gonna call ya, ya think ya can hold the phone to ya ear?”

You nod and reach for your phone.

“Kay, don’ close the laptop, I just wanna hear ya better.”

The phone rings and you take the call, “Hiiii,” you say panting and swaying your knees back and forth.

“Hii sweet’eart, did s’good fo’ me, s’fuckin’ sexy, how ya feelin’?” You can hear the smile in his voice, then you remember you can look down and see him too. When your eyes meet his on the screen, he lifts his hand from his tummy and does a little wave, “Hiii, d’ya forget I’m right here?”

You giggle and stretch like a cat, “Yeah, ‘m a ‘lil brainless at the moment….”

His head falls to one side, just looking at you, he smiles, “God I miss ya. Thought this would make bein’ apart easier, but ‘m no’ s’sure, jus’ makes me…miss ya…wanna touch ya,” he says rubbing his hand up and down his abdomen.

“Yeah, it always feels weird to be in bed without you. But Harry, you didn’t…I mean…was it…Did you like it? I mean, you were… had to hold the phone so you didn’t…” you stammer softly

“Jesus babe, ‘m so so hard, but ‘ll be fine,” he whispers through the phone.

“But I wanna…I mean…would you…,” you whisper back looking at him, meeting his eyes, “why am I nervous suddenly?”

“Dunno, ya can ask me anythin’.”

“I wanna watch you,” you say sitting up straighter on the bed. You moan as the toy shifts inside you.

“Can ya still feel it inside?”

“Mmm-hmm…did you hear me H?”

“Yeah, heard ya,” he says smirking.

“Ya know if I were there, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you. Will you show me?” you ask leaning your head to one side.

“Never done anythin’ like this,” he says palming his cock through the silky pants.

“Do you want me to hang up?”

“No, no, need ta hear ya in my ear,” he says shaking his head and meeting your eyes with a smirk.

“Harry, can you show me my hard cock?” you whisper seductively.

He pulls his silky pants down to his hips and his hard cock lays over on his thigh. He looks up at you.

“Go on, H, hold it for me, please… I need to know you can feel it like it’s my hands.”

You see him squeeze the phone a little tighter as he reaches down to wrap his fist around his hard member.

“Run your thumb over the head, is it wet there?” you ask and then bite your bottom lip.

He groans running his thumb along the drippy head. His nails are painted pink and his thumb has a little chip on the corner, for some reason that chipped thumbnail that has his wetness on it is the most erotic sight you could ever imagine.

“Yeah, ‘m fuckin’ leakin’, babe, want inside ya s’bad,” he grits out through a clenched jaw and closed eyes.

You open your legs to the camera and press on the toy, “This help?”

He opens his eyes and fists his hand tight on his cock, “Still wet fo’ me?”

“God, yes, Harry. You hard for me?”

“Fuckin’ hell, love!” he jacks his hand two times and leans his face closer to the camera.

You press the toy two times and moan into the phone. “I can feel you, H… my heart is racing and my pussy is aches for you…don’t stop, please.” Your hips are swiveling and he is fisting himself hard.

“I can see your tummy flexing; does it feel good?” you ask.

“Yeah, can feel ya, don’ stop talkin’… ya gonna cum on my toy?” he mutters.

“Yes, Harry, I’m gonna cum again because I’m watching you, please keep going. It’s my hand, do you want me to go faster?”

He closes his eyes and rests his head back on the pillow, “Baby, s’good, please cum wi’ me, don’ wanna go withou’ ya…not tha same if I can’ hear ya…”

“Eyes on me, Harry, can you go faster for me? Squeeze tighter. I wish my tongue was there, Jesus, I want my mouth on you,” you whimper into the phone. “I can see you, babe, I’m gonna cum, I can’t stop it.”

“Fuck babe, cum wi’ me, cum wi’ me… Uhhhh… Unnngh!”

You swivel your hips once, then twice and then clamp down on the toy and the contractions begin, the pulsing tremors of orgasm explode, just as Harry spurts all over his tummy. The phone drops from his shoulder and you’re both panting messes. Just as he rolls his eyes open and looks over to you, you pull the toy out.

“Christ, babe, ya ok?” he says on a deep exhale.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna let you go,” you say with a soft pouting sound.

He smiles a understanding smile with soft, sad eyes.

“And I really don’t wanna go to the doctor, but thank god my body is relaxed,” you say meeting his stare

“I love ya.”

“I love you too.”

“Call me tonight when ya get back?”

“Yeah, I’ll call, I’m gonna go grab a quick shower before I leave. Thank you for…this…you always know just what I need and how to take care of me.”

You say your good-byes almost in tears, something about this situation is making you emotional, maybe it’s the anticipation of your visit with Dr. Wallis – you just wish that Harry was here to hold your hand.

While you’re taking your lingerie off you get an idea. You stop and make a quick call to a friend to make a date to have brunch and to do some quick lingerie shopping the next day before your trip back to Harry. You’re gonna make sure when he gets to the hotel tomorrow night, he’ll find you ready to rock his world.

Your appointment was fine. Uncomfortable, but tolerable, as tolerable as those appointments always were. You get your shot and let them know that someone would be calling for your medical records at some point.

Brunch with your best friend, Bella, in London was fun and you both had so much fun picking out lingerie and catching up that you truly were sad to leave her. She dropped you off at the airport and then you were on the private jet and heading back to Harry.

You’re tired when the jet lands. Dr. Wallis said that might be a side effect so you decide to skip the show and take a nap instead. You wake up around 10 pm and start to get ready. Hair, makeup, the works. You slip the yellow lacy bustier and matching garter on, forgo panties and look in the mirror. It holds you in perfectly - pushing your breasts up and tummy in. You pull up your stockings and hook them to the straps on the garter. You check your reflection in the mirror and fluff your hair. You hear your phone ping and know that’s a text from Harry that he’s on the way. You text him back quickly with shaking fingers that you can’t wait to see him and then arrange yourself on the bed sideways almost flat on your back arms above your head with your knees slightly bent.

A few minutes later you hear the door to the hotel open.

“Baby? Ya ‘ere?” He doesn’t hear a response, so he wonders if you feel asleep. He opens the door to the bedroom and sees the lit candles and you laying on the bed and his mouth drops open in surprise and desire.

“Miss me?” You ask softly.

“Missed ya s’much,” he says, moving to lay next to you on the bed, his hand moving slowly over your breasts and down your sides. “Ya look amazin’…where’d ya get this?”

You shiver as his fingers move over the sensitive skin of your armpits. “Got it today in London. I’m addicted to lingerie now.”

He puffs out a breath as his hands move back down your body. “Fuck’s sake darling…’m addicted to ya…in lingerie or out.”

You smile and arch your back, pushing your breasts out. “Show me how much you missed me.”

He runs his hand down your torso his eyes following the trail of his hand. He stops to finger the intricate seams and lace on the bustier. “Pretty,” he says following the line of the garter straps to the top of your stockings, “Mmmm…missed ya s’smuch, but how d’ya feel? Did some readin’ an’ the website said ya might not feel s’good,” he says searching your eyes.

“I was a little tired when I first got back so I took a nap, but I feel fine now, wait, you did research?” you say cupping his face.

He shrugged, “Jus’ wanna know what’s goin’ in my girlfriend’s body, wanna know ya safe.”

“Thank you, that’s very sweet, but I’m good and you haven’t even kissed me yet,” you say with a pout.

“How abou’ I start ‘ere,” he says picking up your hand and kissing the inside of your wrist, “An’ then ‘ere,” he kisses the inside of your elbow.

You shiver and break out in goosebumps, “I missed your touch. I know it’s only been a day, but yesterday was so…intense…and I couldn’t stop thinking about you, your touch, your smell, the weight of your body on mine,” you blush and meet his stare, “the feel of you…inside me…”

He runs his hand up your neck and pulls your head to his for a slow kiss. He starts with several short pecks smacking your lips when he pulls away, then he slants his head, “Open fo’ me, love, need ta kiss ya proper.” He opens his mouth and darts his tongue out before he’s even hit your lips. His tongue slides in over the top of yours and he curls it up to lick the roof of your mouth. You swipe yours along his bottom lip and teeth, he groans and scoots his body closer. “Taste s’good, never enough,” he murmurs against your lips.

“I always want more of you, Harry, I wanna crawl up inside here,” you say placing your hand over his heart.

“Ya there already, always wi’ me…always…” he whispers resting his forehead against yours.

Tugging at his shirt. “Take this off, H.”

“He sits up long enough to cross his arms and pull his t-shirt off; you immediately go to the button and zipper of his jeans as he kicks his Vans off.

He strips down to nothing and you can’t take your eyes off him. He’s running his hand up your thigh and around to the back to feel your bare bottom. Groaning, “Nothin’ on under here,” he says ducking his head to try and look at the little gap between your legs.

You offer an innocent smile and shake your head.

“Jesus Fuckin’ Christ, babe, turn over.”

You turn over and the corset of the bustier ends just below your waist and the white garter straps rest on either side of your bum. Your stockings have seams down the back and the garter snaps have little black satin bows attached. It’s quite a sight and Harry is studying the curve of your bum and the softness of your thighs. He slips a hand along one thigh and up to place where it meets your bum and then between your legs where his cool rings scratch your skin. “Ya wet fo’ me?”

You kick up one leg and raise up on your elbows looking over your shoulder. “Why don’t you tell me…sir?”

He taps your bum, “Don’t get cheeky…” Then he leans down and places a open-mouthed kiss on your bum cheek

“Ooo…” you moan, fluttering your lashes.

He looks up and sees the little pink band aid on your arm from your shot and he runs his finger across it, then he leans over, licks his lips and kisses over the spot. “Thank ya,” he says softly, “fo’ coverin’ us, I love ya,”

You drop your head onto your shoulder, touched by the gesture, “I love you, make love to me, please.”

He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you in tight, tossing his leg over the back of one of yours settling it between them. His hand runs up the back of your neck where he stops to rub it between his thumb and forefinger. You roll your head forward enjoying the massage. He kisses your shoulder and you turn your head wanting his mouth on yours. The kisses are soft and tender, until you’re both breathless and you turn to angle your body toward his. He pulls one of the shoulder straps down on and kisses his way along your collarbone.

“As much as I love ya in this, really hope ya don’ mind if I undress ya, wanna feel ya skin tanight.”

You untangle from him and sit back against the pillows on the bed. He unclips first one and then the other of one garter and slowly slides the stocking down your leg. You lay your head back and enjoy the feel of his fingertips leaving a heated trail down your thighs and legs. He stops to leave several soft kisses along the way. “So soft…smell so good. Couldn’ sleep fo’ shit las’ night. Nothin’ ‘ere smells like ya.” He removes the other stocking, kissing the inside of your ankle.

You slide off the bed and he sits on the side with you between his legs. You lean forward and kiss him, “Unhook me?” you say turning around.

He nods then holds your waist still for a moment, “This s’really beautiful, feel like ‘m unwrapping a gift, don’t wan’ ya ta think I don’ love ya in it jus’ cause ‘m takin’ it off.”

“So sweet…” you say leaning down to kiss him holding your hair to one side.

He makes quick work of unhooking the fastening and slipping the bustier and garter off you. You turn back around and then he wraps his arms around you and pulls you in tight to him, burying his face between your breasts.

You run your fingers through his hair, “Sorry, I missed the show.”

“’S fine, everyone missed ya, ‘specially me, c’mere, love,” he says pulling you in to straddle on his lap. “Jesus, feel s’good…” he whispers against the skin on your neck. He works his way down your neck to your breasts where he takes a nipple in his mouth and gently sucks. You roll your head back enjoying the sensation, ready for just a little more, but he stops.

“Harry, don’t stop, want more…” you plead.

“Babe, are ya sore?” he asks searching your eyes.

“No, it’s sensitive and I want you.”

“What abou’ here?” he says running his fingers along your wet pussy.

“Ahh…No, just want you, I’m not gonna break, please, don’t make me beg,” you whimper.

He flips you over on the bed and balances on his knees between your legs. Propped on one arm he runs his fingers down your body to your mound where he runs his finger up and down your slit applying a little pressure over your clit. “S’wet.” He leans down to kiss you, “Gonna kiss it, make it better.” He slides down your body and settles his shoulders between your legs and places a tender kiss to your clit and then runs his tongue over it before kissing it again. With his pointer finger her runs his fingertip through the wetness and circles your entrance. He’s watching your every expression.

“Feels good,” you say meeting his eyes, “More…”

He presses his finger in to the second knuckle and raises and eyebrow to which you shift your hips down to take in more of his finger. “Yesssss,” you say relieved. “Please find our spot.”

He groans and curls his finger gently searching for that spongy spot that’s brought you both so much pleasure. When he finds it, you mewl and arch your back, “Oh my god…” you trail off, bringing the back of your hand to your mouth.

“Lemme hear ya, baby, please, love ya sounds.”

You suck in a deep breath as he picks up the pace on that special spot. Your toes are curling and your abs are fluttering.

“Come on, baby, cum fo’ me, don’ hold it back, wan’ ya really wet fo’ me so I can slide right in” he says accent thick and voice low.

That does it and you don’t hold back, the orgasm rolls and rolls.

“There’s ma girl… give me it all…”

“Harry, come up here,” you pull at his shoulders and whine, “please, please come up here and be with me.”

“I’m here, I’m here, love.”

“Please, I’ve waited long enough…” you plead kissing behind his ear.

“Look at me,” he says reaching down to swipe his hard cock through your wetness before lining up at your entrance and pushes in slowly.

You do wince once and he stops. “Keep going…” you gasp.

He pushes the rest of the way in and settles for a moment, “Ya good?”

You nod, “So good, just a twinge…make love to me, need to feel you moving.”

He kisses your forehead and simply says, “Move wi’ me.” You both begin push and pull dance that is only yours. “So warm an’ wet, babe, s’it feel good?”

“Yes,” you say and pull your knees up high on his hips. This pulls him deeper and you feel that twinge again, but it goes away with the rush of arousal that coats your channel. He leans down and sucks on your right nipple and pops it from his mouth, “Mmmm…yesss,” you cry out. He swivels his hips and you groan, “Don’t stop, H,” you whisper and swivel with him.

“Fuck babe, do that again.”

You swivel with him, “Gonna cum…need to cum.”

“Do it, cum wi’ me.”

Both of your movements become sloppy and the sound of your breathing and moans fill the air around you. “Ahhh, Hahhh…Ahh…!” You wrap your legs tight around his lower back.

“Unnnghh,” Harry stills on a thrust and you can feel his legs twitching as he holds himself deep. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I fuckin’ love ya so fuckin’ much.”

“I love you too, baby, so much,” you say breathing rapidly. You shiver.

“Hold on and we’ll get ya under the blanket. He pulls back and gapes when he looks down and sees the pink stain on the sheets, “Jesus, babe! Why didn’ ya say I was hurtin’ ya!” He’s scrambling off you quickly.

“What? You didn’t hurt me,” you prop up on your elbows.

“I think ya bled,” he says running his hand down your thigh.

You sit up trying to see what he’s pointing out, “He did say that there could be some bleeding from the exam, but I’ve never had a problem.” You close your thighs quickly and try to wrap your arms around your knees looking over to one side.

He ducks his head down trying to meet your eyes, “Ya, ok?”

“Just…slightly embarrassed. Let me up and I’ll clean up,” you say, moving trying to scoot to the edge of the bed.

“Stop.”

“I’ll just strip the bed and call the front desk…”

He puts one hand on your knee and the other under your chin to pull your eyes up to him. “Babe, stop. Jus’ stay righ’ ‘ere. Lemme take care of ya,” he leans down to kiss your temple.

“Harry, this is…” you start to say.

“A part of bein’ in love, an’ I wanna clean ya up. Jus’ trust me, ’kay?”

You nod and offer a crooked smile.

He heads to the en suite and you hear the water running and he returns with a warm wet washcloth.

“Lie back, love.”

You do as he asks and he runs the warm cloth over the inside of your thighs and through your folds. He’s gentle and keeps his eyes running from where he’s working to your face. “Ya, ok?”

“Yeah, just sensitive.”

“S’it hurt?” he asks.

You shake your head no.

“Fuckin’ kills me…”

You grab his hand between your legs, “Harry, I’m fine…my body was made for yours…you’ll never hurt me,” you nod down to your hands on the washcloth, “Thank you for taking care of us…for taking care of me.” Your eyes are glassy.

“Ya belong ta me, take care of wha’s mine. I love ya s’much.”

He finishes cleaning you up and gently pulls you to the edge of the bed. “Stay here, yeah?”

You nod and watch as he pulls on his joggers and then you hear him on the phone in the living area asking for fresh sheets. A few minutes later you hear the knock on the door and his raspy thank you. He comes back in with the fresh linens and sets them down. He picks up up and places you on the chair and you watch as he changes the sheets and you think about how lucky you are to find someone like Harry. You can’t help the tears as they gather in your eyes and you vow to hug Anne extra hard next time you see her and thank her for raising such a wonderful man.

He’s finally done and he takes the dirty sheets and places them in the hallway to be collected. He sees you wiping tears and comes to stand in front of you. “Y’ok?”

You nod. “I just love you is all. Can I have a cuddle?”

He smiles. “‘S my line innit?”

You giggle. “I’m stealing it.”

“C’mere, give ya all the cuddles ya wan’, know tha’.” You stand up and he pulls you to him hugging you tight. “Love ya,” he says into your neck and you smile because you know he really does. “Love you too, Harry,” you whisper.

[n3on-graveston3s-calling]

Happy Birthday, Kakuzu.

Fandom: Naruto

Characters: Hidan, Kakuzu

Rating: E

Ship: KakuHida

Author's Note: Oldie but a goldie. Pure smut. Mentions of some OCs, a bit of lore building for Naruto in general.

TW: "Daddy" used as a term of endearment, not the kink itself. Cheek slapping. Bit of manhandling. Enjoy!

Silence. The room was quiet with the absence of Hidan, who’d left to explore the village and eventually find them some dinner. A sigh slipped free from Kakuzu as he worked the buttons of the cloak, unclasping it slowly as his mind wandered. They were working well together, he and the brat. Had been for a few years now, realistically; Hidan had lasted longer than any of his other partners. He couldn’t lie- it was nice, in a strange way, even if he got on his last nerve far too often.

It was a perk that Hidan wouldn’t die, regardless of what Kakuzu did to him in the heat of the moment.

The heavy fabric of the cloak settled across the back of a chair as nimble fingers continued to work, reaching up to remove the covering he used on his head, tugging it free. Now that was better. Kakuzu rolled his shoulders, grimacing at the tension that settled deep in the muscles. Maybe he’d cave and find a Tea House later, if they had the time. Oirans always knew how to use their hands. Hell, he wouldn’t even have to fuck them- just as long as they got the knots out of his back, he’d pay them for their time.

But…

He settled back on the bed, eyes falling closed for a moment. This was one of those rare times that Hidan wasn’t glued to his side. It wouldn’t take long- well… That’s a lie, but he could work quick, just for now. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t getting any- shit, that department was solidly booked, thanks to Hidan, and a few others. A smirk curled his lips as his hand wandered, slowly drifting up then down his chest, sternum, stomach. He could already feel himself stirring in his trousers. How annoying.

Then again, he’d always had a high libido. She’d never complained back then. Snowy tresses, a bright smile, skin holding a golden glow…

Shaking his head, he forced the thoughts away. Going down the path of memories would kill his boner more than anything. Instead, he raised a hand to his throat, pads of his fingertips drifting against the exposed column. He didn’t like to be choked, not often- not unless he trusted whoever was doing the choking. Hidan had tried it recently- but for Kami’s fuckin’ sake, he needed to teach Hidan how to choke someone without trying to kill them.

He didn’t bother taking his pants off- no point in it if this is gonna be quick. He had oil tucked away in an inner pocket of his cloak, but he didn’t feel like reaching over to grab it. Instead, he lifted his palm to his mouth, tongue lolling out to drag along the skin, wetting it enough to not cause an unpleasant amount of friction. Hips shifting, he reached down to take hold of himself. Half hard already- damn. Fingers drifted along the ridges of healed skin stretched across metal. Four of them, all along the underside of his shaft. He couldn’t remember when he’d gotten them done- well over a decade ago. But the sensitivity was still there, drawing a soft hum of pleasure from his chest. “Just like that,” he murmured, head growing hazy as lust began to filter through his blood.

His thumb drifted across the head, pressing against the sensitive slit and glands, drawing a hiss of pleasure out. If he knew he’d had time, he’d draw this out- really work himself up until he couldn’t handle it. But that time wasn’t now. His fingers settled around the girth of his shaft- something Hidan had been surprised with the first time he’d seen him hard. He knew he was impressive- always had been. His hand began to move slowly, teasing a touch more as he felt himself grow harder.

“God,” he whispered, brows furrowing as his hand sped up. Hot and heavy, it brought forth memories of the past. Of sharp teeth scraping along his collarbone, of the feeling of being filled. A groan spilled into the silence of the hotel room. Kisame had always been a good lay, there was no denying that. And, more recently, Itachi had joined them once- just once, but it was enough to see exactly how much he had Kisame wrapped around his finger. It had been impressive- he’d simply watched at first before joining.

His mind wandered- to another set of blue locks, though these were longer and were paired with amber eyes. Many times, he’d coupled with Konan, the pair having worked too late and needing a reprieve from the paperwork. Taking her across his desk, her arms around his shoulders, face buried in his neck as he buried himself in her over and over. She could take it as well as she could give it. “Good girl,” he murmured to the phantom image in his mind. His hips began to thrust up into his palm, the head leaking, giving aid to the spit that had slicked his cock at first. “Good- fuck,” he hissed as his thumb drifted across the head once more- every other stroke, now.

There’d been another one- one of their agents. She had ties to a clan of power in Kirigakure, a distant relative, with hair of raven and eyes of sapphire. She’d been wild- Hidan had been there for one of those romps. She’d ridden him like her life depended on it- no, like his life had depended on it, nails raking down his chest and their names spilling from her lips like a holy prayer. She’d taken them both at one point, Hidan behind, pressing her down against Kakuzu. She didn’t know who to call out for, and ended up a sobbing mess by the end of it.

“Fuck,” he panted, the familiar coils of his release beginning to settle at the base of his spine. So close, so very close. His other hand reached up, settling around his throat, pressing down on the sides rather than against his windpipe- blocking off blood flow rather than constricting airflow. She used to do this, would hold him down and ride him until they were both near sobbing, overstimulated beyond the point of coherency.

“Kakuzu,” she’d cry, her head thrown back as she’d grind down, her thighs shaking against his hips. “Harder, please- please, kære-”

“Ja, fanden-” he gasped, his release slamming into him, blindsiding him enough to have him shudder, lips parted, chest heaving. His hand stilled against his cock as he came, bosy tensing before relaxing. His blood thrummed in his ears, akin to a war drum.

So lost he was in his bliss, he never heard the door open. Or perhaps that had been the plan, for the door to open near silently and shut just as quietly, the chakra signature hidden from the sensor. It was only when a chuckle spilled into the room that Kakuzu’s eyes snapped open, emerald gaze meeting lilac.

“Just couldn’t wait for me, huh?” Hidan asked, head tilted, a smirk curling his lips. Kakuzu blinked, still slightly lost in the haze, as Hidan wandered over, cloak already discarded as he climbed atop the bed. “Or were you thinkin’ ‘bout that one bitch again?”

“Get off.” It wasn’t an order- too weak to be one.

“Nah,” Hidan settled on his knees, gaze drifting to the table. “I was gonna suggest we go out to eat to celebrate, but I think I’d rather give you yer present first.”

“Present.” Kakuzu shifted, grimacing at the mess that had covered his shirt. Disgusting. “Why?”

“It’s yer birthday, you fuckin’ old ass man,” Hidan replied, leaning in to brush a kiss against his lips. “An’ you get a present on yer birthday.”

It took a moment for Kakuzu to put the pieces together before a smirk curled his lips. He reached up, cupping Hidan’s cheek in a surprisingly tender movement, thumb brushing against the alabaster skin. “On your knees,” he whispered into their shared space, watching the way Hidan’s eyes light up, his grin widening.

“Sir, yessir. Or- wait, you liked it when I called you Daddy-” Hidan’s voice is cut off with a sharp smack to the cheek. “Oh, fuck yes, Daddy.”

“Get on your fucking hands and knees before I leave you here.”

“I got hands.”

“I’d tie you up.”

“Bastard!” Hidan laughed as he rolled away to work on his pants. “Hey, question.”

“Answer,” Kakuzu replied as he tugged his shirt over his head, careful to avoid smearing anything. His gaze drifted to his partner as Hidan successfully stripped off his pants. But that wasn’t what caught his attention.

No, it was the lace that adorned his thighs, and the garter around his waist, both a deep emerald in shade. Huh. “Fucker. Do you wanna get dinner after this?”

“Depends on if you can walk after I’m done with you,” Kakuzu replied as he reached over, fingers slipping beneath the band of the thigh highs, pulling it up before releasing it, letting it snap against Hidan’s thigh.

A gasp pulled free from the feeling of the snap against his skin. “... Touche,” he murmured, settling back against the bed with a lazy grin, like the cat who got the cream. “C’mere, daddy.”

“Fuck off,” Kakuzu snickered, shaking his head as he joined Hidan on the bed. He hovered for a moment, hands resting on either side of Hidan’s head.

“Hey,” Hidan whispered, reaching up to cup Kakuzu’s cheek, careful to mind the stitches. It’s rare for them to have these moments. “Happy birthday.”

Kakuzu leaned down, nosing at the underside of Hidan’s jaw so that he wouldn’t have to meet his gaze. “Thanks, brat,” he muttered, beginning to press kisses along the length of his neck.

[abbatoirablaze]

SDAU, Grumpy Grizzly, Shot Down

Word Count:  1.2k

“Yeah right, like anyone would ever want to date him.”

“It’s not a date, Madeline,” the girl grumbled, “not a real one…just say yes.  It’s an invite to a Rho party.”

“I don’t care!” she squeaked, looking away from her teammate, “I am not going to a party on Lee Bodecker’s arm.  He’s a pig and an asshole…”

“Most Rhos are,” her friend reminded her, “Just do it. Come on. You know they throw legendary parties.”

“You’re only saying that because Barnes invited you.”

“Yeah?” she asked, “What’s your point?”

“There’s nothing wrong with him!”

“He’s an asshole too!”

“But at least he’s hot,” she growled, pushing her friend lightly, “Bodecker is just…ugh…I don’t want to go into this with you…why couldn’t someone like Everett ask me?”

Her friend scoffed, “you want to fight that tigress that he’s had on his arm the past few weeks, kudos for you…”

“You get what I mean,” she groaned looking back away from her friend, “Curtis is a bear…but he’s thick in the right ways…Lee…isn’t.”

“Whatever Kia,” her friend replied with a laugh, “but I can’t pull any strings to get you in.  So it’s either Bodecker or nothing.”

“I think I’ll choose nothing!”

“I uh…I’m still here, you know,” Lee growled, growing angrier by the second as he glared at the two women who had proceeded to have the conversation as though he would somehow disappear.  They both looked at him, the chatty parrot shifters tinging pink as they became embarrassed.  Lee bit his lip and shrugged them off, “Whatever…I was trying to be nice because Buck asked your fucking friend, you uptight cunt.  You’re a stuck-up bitch with no ass.”

Before she could even so much as gasp in shock, Lee had skated off towards his teammates who were actively working on their defense. 

“Don’t worry man…I’ll make sure Buck uninvites that bitch,” Curtis said, hitting Lee’s shoulder, “that was fucking brutal to watch.”

“Or we can embarrass the fuck out of both of them?” Pronge smirked, his gaze shifting to the two parrots who were still gawking at him.  Lee looked away; his ego heavily bruised, “I can have em regretting talking about you like that.  They’ll be the talk of the campus…you know…next, after fucking Alana..”

“Fucking bitches,” he groaned, more to himself than his brothers, “why do you guys keep making me ask girls to our parties?  The only ones that say yes end up ditching me halfway through em anyways!”

“You’ll find a girl, Lee,” Curtis said hopefully, “I-I can see if Adriana made any cute little omega friends in her classes if you want…invite them for you?”

Lee shook his head, unable to handle the thought that he couldn’t get his own date so his friends had to do it for him, “Guys, I-“

“I’m gonna fuck that girl up.” Pronge decided, skating over to the two figure skaters who were still on the edge of the rink.  Curtis watched as the girl blushed, and quickly nodded her head.

“You cool with what he’s doing?” Curtis asked briefly, “I’ll put his ass in line if you’re not…”

“You know there’s no stopping Freezy when he gets his mind set on something...fuck you know how he acted out last week with that human he was dating.”

Curtis put his hand warmly over his friend’s shoulder, “we’ll get you a nice little obedient omega, Lee…don’t worry about it, sheriff.”

Lee gave a sad smile to his friend, and president of his frat, “r-really…it’s not necessary, Curtis…I think I’ll just hang out in my room and drink alone.  Maybe get some studying done…I don’t know…but I-”

“Be a man, Lee!” Curtis exclaimed, cutting his friend off while reciting their motto to the alpha.  He punched the chest plate of his friend’s padding to emphasize that he needed to man up, “we’ll get you your obedient little thing and you’ll be cuffing her to your bed, knotting the little slut before you know it!”

“Curt-“

“I’m gonna get you laid this year buddy!” Curtis smiled, cutting his friend off, “I found my mate and I’m not just going to leave you in the dust.  You’ve been my best friend since we were knee high, Lee…den brothers.”

“Den brothers!”  Lee groaned as his friend skated away.  He knew Curtis wasn’t joking.  The two of them really had been friends since they were cubs, and Curtis always watched out for the chubby alpha, making sure that despite his quiet exterior, no one ever took advantage of him.  But Curtis had something in common with his best friend that bonded them since they were cubs; regardless of how quiet Lee was; he had just as bad a mean streak as Curtis.  They’d even joked when they were kids that they’d find their mates around the same time and they’d be ‘den brothers,’ making sure that they had kids together that became best friends just like them. 

Any time Curtis had a girlfriend, he made sure Lee was taken care of too, and now that he had his mate, he was going to make sure that Lee had the same.  Lee was grateful, deep down, knowing that despite how people looked at the two asshole alphas, they always had each other.  And then there was Pronge. 

He was like the red-headed step-child of their little friend group.  A lynx, adopted by bears Pronge was a weird mix of his own instinctual habits with the ones of his learned family.  He was chuckling as he skated back, “Uptight little bitch.”

“She say no to you too?” Lee asked hopefully.  Pronge shook his head and he frowned.

“No…but she wants to make sure I don’t ditch her at the party and leave her with you,” he smirked, “oh…I’m gonna fuck her up good.”  

Lee frowned.  Another small dig at his pride.  His bear rolled over in his mind, over what felt like the constant stream of rejection from women, “Pronge, can we maybe not talk about how women don’t want to be stuck with me for a few minutes?”

“Don’t worry buddy,” he smiled, “I’m gonna be her little date for the night then get her really fucked up and let the pledges have their way with her…she’s gonna be on the latest installment of Rho Girls Unhinged.”

Lee closed his eyes and put his hand over his forehead, instantly rubbing his temples from the oncoming migraine. 

“Listen…I understand that you’re doing this for me…but I’m a cop, Freezy,” he groaned, “you can’t tell me you’re going to drug a girl and let the freshies take turns knotting her while you film it without her consent.”

“Hey, hey!” he said slowly, holding his hands up in defense, “I know what you do, buddy…I never said any specifics…and drugs?  What drugs?”

“Pronge…”

“You have such a wild imagination, buddy,” Pronge grinned, tapping his friend on the back, “drugs…where would I even get such a thing?  Who does drugs?”

“Bobby, you’re the biggest dealer on campus.”

“PShhhh,” his friend laughed, shooting him a wink, “Lee, you’re crazy!”

“Freezy-“

“You want first shot at her?” he offered sneakily, “I can blur out your face if you want…your little cop buddies will never have to know.”

“You’re fucking gross,” he laughed, looking back to the rink entrance where the girls no longer stood, “you know that, right?”

“And yet they always keep coming back.  They wall want a taste of freezy.”

“SHERIFF!  FREEZY!” Curtis called from halfway down the rink, “STOP FUCKING AROUND!  WE HAVE TO PRACTICE!”

Tag list:  @lohnes16, @bxnnywriting, @krissy25

[nerdflash]

Part Three - Pretty Sweet

AN: The third part of an Eddie Munson series no one asked for. You can find Part One here and Part Two here. I’ll write more, I intend for it be a slow burn, I think. 

Synopsis: D&D night continues and there are more awkward glances.

Word Count: 833

After you’d ordered the pizza, you slipped some shorts on under the shirt and felt less exposed. When the pizza arrived you didn’t want to shout down in case they were in middle of a crucial point and you didn’t want to just leave the food in the kitchen to get cold. You piled some cokes on top of the pizza boxes and headed downstairs. You figured you’d just leave the pizzas to one side for them to have when they had time.

As you pad down the stairs slowly, you hear Eddie setting the scene, his voice is charismatic and the boys around the table have their eyes on him. His eyes meet yours and you feel like a deer caught in headlights. His cheeks flush slightly and he stammers slightly before slipping easily into his storytelling. 

You put the pizzas on the table by the sofa and line the cokes up next to the boxes. You feel drawn to the story and watch for a few moments as Eddie gets lost in the action, his voice confident and unwavering as he asks what they plan to do. The other boys around the table start having frantic whispered discussions.

Eddie sits back in the chair and allows himself to look at you over his D&D guard, as your eyes fall on Sammy. He feels his heart pull as he sees so much in the look you give your younger brother, a deep love and something akin to fear and a fierce protection. Your mouth pulls into one of the most beautiful smiles he’s ever seen when Sammy throws his head back and laughs at something Dustin said, and Eddie finds himself smiling too.

You turn and walk away upstairs, unaware that Eddie’s eyes are on you the whole time. A smile on your face to see your brother so happy.

—

You spend the rest of the evening in your room reading and listening to music, a soft knock on your door pulls you from your book.

“Come in…” You sit up against your headboard and smile as Sammy comes in the room, a huge grin on his face.

“Thanks for tonight Y/N…Everyone’s gone. I just wanted to say goodnight.” You smile at your brother and shrug your shoulders.

“I only ordered pizza!” Sammy shakes his head and sits on the edge of your bed. 

“No, you were cool…Even Eddie said so.” You try to keep your face calm, though his words send a small thrill through you. You keep your voice casual.

“He did? What did he say?” Sammy nods and looks at you with an impressed look on his face. As though you’d been picked out by the coolest person in existence to be blessed with a compliment.

“Just that you seemed to have cool taste in music and that it was pretty sweet of you to bring the pizza down.” You stay silent, unsure of what to say. You felt ridiculous, you’d met the guy ever so briefly and couldn’t stop thinking about his eyes, his smile, those rings. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Anytime kid…Anyway, brush your teeth and get to bed, mom will be sick if she knows I didn’t have you in bed by 10pm.” He stands and makes his way to the door.

“You think mom’s gonna be much later?” You shake your head and stand up, stretching the bottom of your back.

“No, I’ll make sure she comes in to say goodnight.” Again her younger brother nods, it’s not something he’d probably want to let his friends know, but the truth is, he can’t sleep unless he says goodnight to his mom and sister. You think it’s because he knows that’s how he knows your both okay, both still here. As he clicks your door shut you sit on the edge of your bed and sigh. Trying to ignore your thoughts drifting back to Eddie.

—

As Eddie settled into bed that night, his mind kept going back to you. There’d been one or two girls he’d dated briefly, but never anything serious. In this town, in the school he was so determined to leave for good, he was Eddie Munson, the freak. Most girls either feared him because of how he looked and his interests, or were just trying to score free weed. But he’d felt something with you…Hadn’t he?

He sighs and rolls on to his side, thinking about the way you’d smiled at him and seemed so relaxed about Sammy’s interests and his friends. Plus the fact you actually seemed to have killer music taste was an added bonus. But there was more than that. There was just something about you that he couldn’t put his finger on. The feelings that went through him when he looked at you, the desire to hear your voice again, your laugh.

As though the sudden confusion of his thoughts and feelings tired him. Eddie’s eyes blinked slowly and he was pulled into a deep sleep with images filled of you, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

[storiesofstratos]

Chapter 12: Team Genesis

Our heroes finally figure out a name..

October 20th, 2042

The rest of the camping trip went by without much to talk about. As a group, we talked to Leah a few more times, but to keep questions away we kept contact with her light. Seemed like a sweet girl, any doubt I had about her keeping Daniel’s secret melted away pretty quick. I wouldn’t want her around if she couldn’t keep a secret anyway.

“Okay so,” Daniel opened the door that led down to the lab in the junkyard again, “First things first… We gotta figure out how to get into this computer down here.” Entering the code, we stepped past the giant metal doors that contained the lab. 

Lights flared on, and Jack made his way to the computer. “Leave that part to me. I’ve been doing some research and I think I’ve found out how we can get in there.”

“Okay, next is…”

“Armor,” I piped up, already dumping the pile of scrap metal I’d been picking up on our way here, “That’s my department. Gotta make sure you’ve got at least some protection out there, knowin how damn reckless you are.”

“Hey!”

“She’s right dude,” Jack agreed with me, “Do I need to remind you of-”

“No, you do not need to remind me of the incident from April, THANK YOU.” He huffed, which got a giggle out of Leah.

“You get into a lot of trouble, huh?” I watched as she made her way over to Daniel, nudging against him a bit.

“Well, I mean… maybe once or twice.”

“My point being,” I spoke up as I started to hammer out the scrap metal, trying to get out some of the dents in the plates, “That this here metal should give you enough protection from everyday threats. Now.. If someone pulls a gun on you or somethin… we might have an issue. Hopefully it won’t come to that though.”

Daniel grimaced at the idea, “Yeah. Last thing I want is to get shot.”

“Done!” Jack yelled, snapping everyone to his attention, “I got us in. Let’s see here… Hm, not too much in the way of files. Guess whoever owned this place last wiped everything clean when they left. All I can find is some trace mentions of someone going by the name of… Genesis? Anyone ever heard that name before?”

We all looked at each other, almost collectively shrugging. That name didn’t sound familiar to me, at least. “Maybe they’re who this place belonged to.”

“According to this, this lab’s where they made all their stuff… hidden in plain sight, under the old Stratos Junkyard… pretty smart.”

“Hey, that’s not a bad idea for a name,” It was Leah to pipe up this time, “I mean… you guys said you were looking for a team name. Right? Team Genesis…?”

I almost rolled my eyes at the smile that crossed Daniel’s face. “Yeah, not a bad idea,” He responded, standing up from his seat, “And… I guess that can be the name I use out there too. I mean, I can’t really go out there and introduce myself as Daniel Rowe, can I? Gonna need an alias or something… so… Genesis. I’m… Genesis.”

“Ooo, I like the sound of that! It sounds… really cool.” Leah definitely knew how to pick her words. Daniel was obviously over the moon with that little compliment.

I finished fitting the leather straps onto the plates of metal. “Alright Genesis,” I teased him with his new name. It didn’t sound bad, but I wasn’t about to pass up the chance to mess with him. “C’mere. Let’s get your armor on.”

This armor was simple. A hoodie and jeans, for some padding. I affixed metal plates to Daniel’s shoulders, arms, and legs, as well as a couple on his chest and abdomen. With the back covered decently as well, it provided a small bit of protection and allowed him to move around freely with it on… it was a fine piece of work to start, but if this was gonna last, he’d need more protection. Maybe Jack could find something on the computer.

“Hey, take this too.” Jack came over and handed Daniel a little device. “I found this while I was rooting around. It looks like it’ll let you relay information back to us here. We can talk to you through that microphone over by the big computer.”

“Whoa, like a spy movie? That’s super dope. Thanks man.” I watched Daniel put the thing in his ear and put a finger to it. “Uh…” His voice sounded out through a speaker at the computer. “Test?” It was loud enough that we could all hear it, so it must have been working well. “Awesome. This is gonna come in handy. Thanks you guys.”

“Hey, Daniel,” Leah called out to him as he was on his way out the door. I watched as she rested her hand on his shoulder. After a short while, she finally said something to him. “...Better come back safe. Okay?”

He smiled at her, nodding. “I will. Promise.” And with that, he slipped a mask over his face, and a pair of goggles over his eyes. The hood on his jacket hid that bright red hair of his well enough. Surely this would be enough. I hoped it would be, at least.

“Go get ‘em hero.” I called out as he ran off, ready to play the hero. On his way out, I looked over at Leah. “Ya sure don’t seem too upset about joinin’ us now, do ya?”

Leah just smirked, and put a finger over her lips, like she was hiding a big secret. Wasn’t any real secret from what I could see. I just hope it doesn’t end up driving a wedge in our little group… Our team.

Go get ‘em, Genesis.

[brainshock-alpha]

well on the bright side i did get the high score medal :) ended up trying harder than i needed to, which... is not an unfamiliar feeling to me LOL.......... but anyway loads of details under da cut

as you can see, besides archie and nc marnie i really did not have a whole lot to work with LMAO. i gave EX to kris, grimsley, and may to make this easier, which in retrospect was clearly unnecessary (well, the expanded range was really helpful for kris and grimsley, but i probs could have gotten the medal even without it).

the final three fights were the ones i felt like i squeezed as many points as i was willing to get out of them, whereas with the misty and marlon battles i could have pushed for a few thousand more points without having to spend any additional resources, if i'd really felt like it (i didn't).

partway through the event i figured out two really big things: one, that in spite of resilience properly timed staggers still make a huge difference, and two, the points gained from a higher strength value far outweigh the bonus u get from confusion. or basically any other metric. with stronger opponents you're gonna need to land more hits to knock them out anyway, so that alone makes up for the time lost. some specific comments:

relying on rain for damage boosts was actually quite risky in this event cuz most of the time you're also boosting the other guys too. but misty had the weird hail gimmick, so this is where i put the archie team. og misty for defensive buffs + a smidge of healing; lodge may for uhhh multihit padding and hoenn spirit stat stick LOL.

for marlon, sygna suit misty was shockingly pivotal to earning more points from this fight. hazing away his attack and evasion buffs ended up doing a lot for me! and i think i gridded for TM refresh on may cuz i truly did not want to deal with critical nightmare on elio.

lana........... ugh. for me this was the most "Restart For Optimal Flinch Procs Or Die" fight of them all. unEXed hilbert folded like a cheap suit to most attacks, and og kris, even fully invested... i'm sorry to say... is quite underwhelming in a non-super-effective battle :(

clearly i did not have the confidence to take on a fifth battle with my bottom-of-the-barrel water units, so i grabbed the biggest off-type gun i had (nc marnie obviously) and just blasted away at nessa with bigger and bigger numbers. i ended up at +500 strength for the opponents -- did you know at that high of a number the game actually warns you that you might not be able to finish? swimsuit misty provided healing and marlon provided defense buffs that Didn't apply regen to marnie, not to mention some clutch unyielding procs...

the mc gyarados i used for archie was tech gyarados. mainly for flinches, but rain dance did actually come in handy too! after the opponents had two sync buffs, they're strong enough that your health may as well be a binary value (Alive or Not) cuz if they so much as breathe on you then you're toast. at that point it doesn't even matter that rain also boosts their moves, so, you know. i had a lot of trouble getting grimsley to work here until i traded one of his sync move powerups for speedy entry 2 -- remember that shit activates AGAIN on mega! from then on, inertia really made an impact on his sync damage.

overall this event was pretty interesting in a lot of ways; i actually had a lot of fun teambuilding and switching around who takes on which battle to try to find an optimal setup. my main gripe is that the on-type bonus is SO massive that you're severely limited if you don't have 14 or 15 on-types, which for most types BESIDES water is frankly unreasonable. yes, yes, i know it's to get people to spend on the associated on-type banner, but i dread the day they roll out with a poison or fairy type high score event... SURELY they won't have such a high multiplier for those, right...?

[djnusagi]

What is MANGADEX

I just put out a seven track album called MANGADEX that I’ve been working on since 2020 and I wanted to talk a little bit about the process behind it.

MANGADEX is about a particular part of my life. For a lot of my life, especially my adolescence, I was extremely antisocial, and I still am to some degree. I’ve known I was transgender since I was 12, and I’ve explicitly “wanted to be a girl” since I was 7. Like I was always a little bit “off” and uncomfortable with maleness and bad at performing it but when I was 7 I became obsessed with wanting to be a girl. But I didn’t know about trans people yet, and I knew enough to know that if I started telling people I wanted to be a girl it would go badly for me. When I finally learned what being trans was I told my parents. They reacted really badly but after a year they relented and took me to a “gender clinic”. That only made things worse. I won’t go into detail but I was like 13 and spent hours being interrogated by adults about my sexuality, masturbation, and all variety of unpleasant topics. Eventually they determined I wasn’t trans and I would  eventually grow out of.

After that I tried really hard to repress my dysphoria, which didn’t go well. It only got worse and worse as I got older. I became extremely withdrawn and antisocial, I never left my bedroom except when I absolutely had to and spent most of my free time engrossed in escapist fantasy through video games, anime and manga. I also used the internet a LOT. The internet was also where I read most of my manga and watched most of my anime, specifically through the websites MangaDex and kissanime.

In 2020 I had the idea to make two albums that would work as companion pieces. They would both be reflections on dysphoria, escapism and isolation. The first album, which I decided to call MANGADEX, would be a more positive album, focusing on the trying to find a way out of this state and what little good I could scrape out of it. This album was planned to be shorter (at one point it was a four track EP), with more emphasis on flashy sound design and high energy tracks influenced by dance music. The second album would be called kissanime. It would be longer (I’m anticipating about 10 tracks), with a focus on how fucking depressing and miserable this period in my life was/is. kissanime is going to be a lot sadder, with more atmospheric production (basically a bunch of Drain Gang type beats).

I’m aiming for a march release date for kissanime, but who knows when it’ll actually come out. MANGADEX was meant to come out in October and it just dropped a few days ago on December 2nd. If nothing else there’s a track on kissanime about aging and birthday’s that I wanna put out as a single on my actual birthday (March 6th) so hopefully I’ll be able to do that. I also have way more than 10 tracks in various stages of creation for kissanime, and I had to cut a track I was really excited for from MANGADEX because I just couldn’t figure out how to finish it. So after kissanime is out I’m gonna finish up all the leftover shit, maybe pad it out with some loosies, and call the resulting album nhentai (thanks to my friend PixelQuiet for coming up with that name, she’s a really cool gamedev and you should follow her)

But the thing about these two albums is that they don’t 100% represent where I am in my life anymore. The part in my life they’re about will probably always be with me to some extent and I’m honestly not fully out of that space yet. But when I started HRT in August 2021 it triggered a very slow move towards a more healthy social life and a healthier (though still extremely negative) relationship with my body. I’ve learned a lot about myself since then and I think I’ve grown a lot as a person. After I’m done with this series of albums I wanna do an album about where I am now. I’m stuck in my home town living with my parents and wanna get out. I’ve already begun writing for that album actually. I also want that album to be more guitar-centric and have sort of a post hardcore influence. Anyways, if you read all this then thank you. I hope you’re enjoying MANGADEX and I hope you enjoy kissanime when it finally comes out.

- V

[evilkitten3]

My friend is getting top surgery next month, I'm very glad that he's getting that weight off his chest. Since you've been through it all ready, could I ask for some advice on supporting him through the recovery process?

absolutely.

make sure he has someone/thing to reach the top shelf. he's not gonna be raising his arms above his shoulders for a while

make sure the pharmacy prescribing the pain meds understands that they're for treating the pain from the surgery, not for gender dysphoria. otherwise they simply will not give you pain meds. they may not even tell you that they have not given you pain meds. i recommend against finding this out the exciting way like i did (side note: surprisingly not that bad most of the time)

if it's the same for him as it was for me, he'll be on a 5 pound weight limit for three weeks, and then a 25 pound limit for another three weeks. this is going to affect more than anyone involved will realize. if he's gonna need to move anything heavy any time soon, he should do that before surgery

i had to switch to tylenol instead of ibuprofen a few weeks pre-surgery bc ibuprofen can increase risk of bleeding. if he's an ibuprofen guy, he may want to grab some tylenol just in case

i've heard different people have different experiences with the drains. for some people, that's the worst part. for me, it was pretty simple (although my mom handled most of the measuring). if you aren't going to be involved with keeping them clear/measuring the goop, try to remember to glance down every now and then just in case a cap was screwed on wrong and too much air got in there. probably not gonna be a medical emergency but you wanna keep an eye on them so they'll do their job.

does he have a ride to and from the hospital? this is a very important question bc if the answer is no, the surgery simply will not happen. they just won't do it.

what i got specifically was a double mastectomy with free nipple grafts. if he's getting the same, i cannot stress enough that the nipples will look weird for a while. this is probably nothing to worry about. they're supposed to do that. if he's still worried, he should check in with the surgeon or another qualified expert, but probably they'll just say "it's ok keep an eye on it and if it hasn't healed in [x amount of time] come back then"

he is going to be constantly reminding that all your bits and pieces are connected to one another. even the bits you aren't thinking about. it's gonna be weird.

if he has a dog, offer to walk the dog for him (or help him find someone else who can do it). dogs do not understand the importance of the surgery recovery process. don't let overly enthusiastic dogs happen to you (or in this case your friend)

get a spare binder. not the chest kind, the abdominal kind. you might wanna wash the first one (this will likely be provided by the hospital) and it's better to have two.

speaking of binders, at some point the bandages will come off. the binder will still be required (or, more accurately, highly recommended). this was, for me, Absolute Sensory Hell. i recommend you make sure he's got a few light, loose shirts he can wear under the binder just in case

this didn't end up being relevant to me, but my surgeon recommended my mom buy some puppy training pads in case of accidents (accidents is a word which usually implies pee, but here means bleeding. sometimes there be blood)

if he has cats, he's gonna need to be careful not to let them step on his chest. cats do not like being told where they can or can't step. i hope he has more willpower than i do

quite likely, he's already aware of a good chunk of this. your first step - and possibly only step - is to ask if there's anything he needs from you. if he's got things under control, have faith in him.

brace yourself for how happy he's gonna be once he sees himself topless after the drains come out and the bandages come off. i was pretty much bouncing over my reflection. the euphoria is real.

[longroadstonowhere]

yeah, definitely managed to stop myself playing earlier than last night (well, earlier by virtue of time played, not earlier by virtue of the clock, but you know)

did a fair bit of running around doing little of import, as expected, but i did manage to do a few cool things as well, even went back to the chasm a couple of times

also finished up the goron quest - very fascinated at the potential fake zelda or evil zelda being presented, no idea what’s going on with that yet, and the glyph memories haven’t been particularly elucidating as of yet (especially with this whole immortal dragon thing that it seems like zelda wanted to do at some point)

WHICH REMINDS ME

so obviously we had the three dragons in botw, and i remember seeing one for the first time (without being spoiled about their existence because i played botw as fast and as hard as i’m trying to do totk right now for that reason) and just being in such complete awe, but after that first time (and especially after the whole grinding them for equipment upgrade ingredients thing) i got used to them and they’re cool, but i didn’t expect to be surprised, you know?

so i’m playing tears of the kingdom, i end up over by lake hylia for the glyph and also the bridge monster (i have a special place in my heart for gleeoks because of the original zelda - still haven’t fought any in totk but definitely got pictures), and i see the electric dragon (whose name i’ve forgotten) loping through the sky and i’m like ‘oh right! that’s his pattern, he flies through the skies in this direction, cool, nice to know they haven’t changed that’

i figure out some way of getting up on his level so i can get some random ingredient off him (think i ended up with a horn piece?), and i didn’t have anything else i immediately wanted to do so i figured i’d hang around and see where he went - there’s a big ass whirlpool in lake hylia for some reason, maybe he goes in there? that’d be fun

nope

he flies into the fucking depths

i honestly couldn’t believe it at first, i had to open my map and be like ‘yup, nope, that is definitely a chasm entrance, he is just flying straight down into that chasm, holy shit’

so of course i run over and jump down the chasm with him cuz holy shit??? dragon in the depths????? and i didn’t follow him down there, but i did trigger a nearby lightroot so i can teleport there if i want and also better visibility for the next time i’m in the area, but just..... i did not expect to have such a fun moment with the dragons again, and i’m so glad it worked out

the only thing that could’ve made it better would be if i’d been down in the depths already, just toddling along, and suddenly there’s just a fucking dragon flying above me, like what the hell, i don’t even know what i would’ve done about that

at some point, after i finish all the main stuff, i’m gonna follow him through the depths just to see where he goes because hot damn that is fascinating

anyway

other than that i just did the goron thing like i said, found a few more geoglyphs (the purah pad, the molduga, and the octorok i think), activated a few towers and found one where the dude who will fix it for me said something about a cave and mushrooms but i went and looked in the only nearby cave i could find and there wasn’t anything special to do so i don’t know what he’s looking for from me??? anyway that’s something i’m figuring out later, for now i’m in kakariko village (it was very nostalgic being around the dueling peaks stable), looking forward to learning about ring ruins, and then i’ll probably go to the zora quest at some point soon

oh i also found a sky island that is just permanently waterfalling at a visible distance and i wanna know what’s up with that so bad but the island is too far for me to reach via tower jump and i have no zonai fans on my person (i have what feels like a dozen of every other item but no fans, gotta go back to the sky gacha machine as opposed to the one in the depths i found that wasn’t giving me any fans at all)

but tomorrow i’m dropping by my parents to give mother’s day stuff so i have to do hygiene things before i go (hopefully in the morning), and then i have work on monday, so the pace of gaming will be slowed a little until monday evening when my vacation truly begins

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

My mom and I have a bet going. She thinks that the Gonad Lump is only pretending to run for president in 2024 and will bow out of the race before the primaries, and I think she's out of her mind if she thinks he's gonna concede apropos of nothing; he's too addicted to power, he misses being a godking emperor, there's no way in hell he's gonna choose to retire and let some other nutjob take up the mantle as Fuhrer. He's too proud, he'd never willingly step out of the limelight, and he hates anyone who would dare try to usurp him. He is the one and only face of the Republican Party, and he'll be milking that fact for the rest of his life.

But she made a good point that had me reconsider some things. The Lump recently sold his Washington DC hotel, the Old Post Office and Clock Tower, which he used to embezzle millions of dollars from foreign ambassadors. He gave special preference to emissaries, politicians and world leaders who stayed there and padded his wallet; quid pro quo, pay-to-win, bribery so blatant that I was SHOCKED to hear he was willing to give it up. If he became president again, he wouldn't be able to profit off visiting dignitaries, which would defeat the whole purpose of his presidency; that's kind of his entire schtick. If he can't make money doing something, he straight up doesn't want to do it. That's the only motivation he's ever had in his life, and the fact that he gave up his money laundering front is a sign that he may just be going through the motions in 2024 before he cuts and runs.

The Supreme Court just made bribery legal in their Ted Cruz case. Politicians are allowed now to pay off their private debts with secret campaign donations, and the Lump has a lot of legal fees to pay, so he may just be using his 2024 campaign as a slush fund. He'll nickel and dime his maga sheeple for all they're worth; they don't want to pay taxes but will gladly give him a big chunk of their paychecks because they worship at his feet. It's like church offerings to them. He's a cult leader fleecing his followers, stringing them along, "just a little more money, and I can make American great again again! Just a few more bucks and we can drain the swamp! If you increase your recurring donation, I'll send you a form letter with a copy of my signature on it!" It's sad.

We'll know for sure whether he's running or not based on what the megadonors do. They can see through him, he's their little pawn, so they're not gonna give him hundreds of millions of dollars if they know he's gonna fart it away on legal fees with no real desire to take back the White House. He's an investment to them, they only like him so long as he gives them what they want, and if he's planning on bowing out of the race then they're not gonna waste their bribes - excuse me, I mean "donations" - on a scammer when there are plenty of Lump knockoffs waiting in the wings. If they can't have the shark, they'll go for the suckerfish clinging to his belly; DeSantis, Cruz, Gaetz, Boebert, any of the other ambitious sycophants, you name em. They have nothing original to say, they're all just competing with each other to see who can acy the most like the Lump. They're cover artists. They're Elvis impersonators. They would put on orange face paint, bad wigs and fat suits if they thought it would further their careers. It's a race to the bottom, they want to see who can be the most offensive and cruel as possible. If the Lump doesn't run, they'll all be vying for his endorsement, so keep an eye on their behavior. Like the megadonors, if they think he's not running they'll ramp up their own activity (they would never run against him, so if they run at all it means he's out). They'll keep it on the downlow until he formally declines to run, but there will be chatter behind the scenes; they'll show their hands sometime next year.

My mom thinks he's gonna make it look like he's running all the way until January or February 2024, snd then find some excuse to drop out before the primaries; maybe some health scandal or a death in the family (he can make it happen; sorry Tiffany, but you're expendable). I figure that if he's going through all the trouble to keep up appearances for his donors then he's probably gonna see it through to November. In 2016 he didn't expect to win but he followed through on the grift anyway; maybe it was an act, maybe his heart wasn't in it, but that didn't mean he didn't want it. If he pretends to run, he could very easily convince himself to actually run. It's all keyfabe, so why would he break character midway through?

$200 says he's gonna run and win the Republican nomination in 2024. That feels like the safest bet I've ever made, but I'd pay ten times that amount to be wrong. I WANT to be wrong. I want him to suffer a debilitating stroke and be a bedridden vegetable for the rest of his miserable life, which would be very short because his family wouldn't want to waste money keeping him on life support. It'll never happen though. Both of his parents lived to be 90, so we're stuck with him until the mid-2030s at the earliest, save for some unforseen "national tragedy." On an unrelated note, next year is the 60th anniversary of Lyndon B. Johnson becoming president. Isn't history fascinating?