#good lord i need to redo tags

[cer-es]

the vash and wolfwood doodles in my sketchbook 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[pyrriax]

i love just randomly getting really enthralled with the concept of coding a website. like. wow i can just DO that

anyways i finished the individual page formatting :3 onto the main page and figure out how to make that do what i want, lol

(currently in the process of removing the images + text from the main page but also i am so happy with it so far :3)

[namwool]

fave shen jiu fics? i need to read more of him!

I'm incredibly sorry for answering so late!

I made a list with everything I've read and liked so far, hope this helps and can somehow make it up for my lateness! I tried to link the fics but tumblr is being a little bitch, so I had to remove them.

Also, this list includes smut as well, make sure to read the tags!

Liujiu (This is my fave couple, I dream of them like 24/7)

Ongoing

Twin Lotus by s_unfl0wer

The Orchid Grows Where Others Cannot by Iwannabe_lieve

The Wrath Of The War God by NazakiSama166

Devotion by NazakiSama166

Through The Well by NazakiSama166

To You On The Other Side by blackflowertea

Completed

'til death do us part by blackflowertea

The Sword And His Shield by blackflowertea

reluctant romance by backspacedintooblivion (Evil_and_I_know_it) 

Bamboozled Into Parenthood by Renyo 

Surrender by xpityx (Restricted)

Would you dual cultivate with me? by FakeAlice

talking is hard by technorat

Curse of the Black Moon Flower by cannon_fodder

skyfire circle by mercurials

night time, hide my eyes by technorat

One Night of Sleep by Otno (restricted)

Flower of Fondness by mohuji (togaki) (restricted)

Tainting You by scumshizun

A Necessary Darkness by xpityx (restricted)

push furniture in front of the door by formerlyknives (restricted)

Je te laisserai des mots by xnemone (restricted)

Utterance by EasternWarrior

spar with me by revesdelimonade

best laid plans by revesdelimonade 

My annoying demon by FakeAlice

forever and ever and ever and ever by pennydaniels

Mamazun by shorimochi

An unexpected visitor by Parmse

Traces by shypersomniac

Give Me Your Best Scripts by Dandesamm

Guide Dog by FakeAlice

a trip around the ninth sun by ectocosme (restricted)

hustling for the good life by Chesra

Jingwei by xnemone (restricted)

Indebted by UmbrellaMartialGod

it's that talk again by revesdelimonade

you and i by backspacedintooblivion (Evil_and_I_know_it)

it’s a crime you’re not around most of the time by backspacedintooblivion (Evil_and_I_know_it)

Loving You is Easy by Anonymous

uh... you fight good. by saccharinings

behind the scenes and be vulnerable by Anzie (anzie)

The Downfall of Cang Qiong by Anonymous

Sweet Nectar by Anonymous

altar by fencesit

your long tongue runs along my heart by ectocosme (restricted)

The War God's Redo by GT_GoldenTrashbag

Convenience by Phnx

A Poor Choice Of Words by Pancakes_With_No_Clean_Fryingpans

Comfort by xpityx (restricted)

LiuJiu Week 2022 , Promise , Rewritten by xpityx ( all 3 restricted)

like real people do by revesdelimonade

This Omega Just Want His Off Days by shorimochi

In This World by Ehann

tag team carry romance by Chesra

an open/shut case by Chesra 

Alcohol Free by Dandesamm

make sure i die first by pennydaniels

we should stick together by pennydaniels

you're my best friend, i'll love you forever by pennydaniels

Autumn Leaves by dead_leaves_fall_like_tears

Mirror of Truth by dead_leaves_fall_like_tears

Affection curse by FakeAlice

BREAKING NEWS by mohuji (togaki) (restricted)

be good to me by pennydaniels

As the West Wind Blows by demoniqt (restricted)

to tell you the truth by leviiio

Look Into The Mirror And What Did You See? by Invidia_Envy

you got a way (of making me feel insane) by backspacedintooblivion (Evil_and_I_know_it)

Gold Amidst Snow by ClearAutumnVibes

Evil Blankets and Senseless Shidis (These Maddening Delights Have Surprising Ends) by I_dont_know_anything_im_sorry

Marital Bliss by Aledono

Who had you was? I yes you would by technorat

Opposite by Ehann

Two Peak Lords Walk Into A Flower Field (you won't believe what happened next!) by Space_Samurai

Secondary When Compared To You by I_dont_know_anything_im_sorry

Old Ghosts Haunt These Hallowed Grounds by xnemone 

Mu Qingfang / Shen Jiu (this one is kinky. You've been warned.)

Just what the doctor ordered by Space_Samurai

In the carriage by Sakuja

Poisonous Love or Mu Qingfang is a psycho bastard by Sakuja

Doctor's orders by Anonymous

Too Much But Not Enough by Anonymous

healer's prescription by ectocosme (restricted)

etch me a third eye to see deeper by ectocosme

make it hurt by technorat

Shen Yuan / Shen Jiu (This one is my guilty pleasure.)

Almost Perfect by kiseki_pop 

Taboo by Anonymous

Captive by Anonymous

five times shizunyuan couldn't get off by YandereDay

I (26m) drank my best friend’s (28f) breast milk by Kasasagi (restricted)

the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated by zigur_zig_ah

Romancing the Villain for Dummies by Chesra

You're the pink in my cheeks (And I'm scared 'cause that means I'm a little bit soft) by BambooSpirit (restricted)

One Thing or Another by Ilthit

the places where others gave you scars by Blue_tea06, Chesra, SteamingOwl

I Don't Take Insults Lightly by D20Owlbear (restricted)

Perfectionist Complex by YandereDay

Dear You by YandereDay

A coat of copper and a bamboo fan by BambooSpirit (restricted)

Press A to romance the Scum Villain by BambooSpirit (restricted)

Tianlang-jun / Shen Jiu (The potential of this couple is honestly amazing.)

Tie Me Down by Anonymous

Seducing the Villain's Father by demoniqt (restricted)

Remarried Empress by demoniqt (restricted)

True Treasure by MissMegh

Spread your Wings by Araceil (restricted)

Gongyi Xiao / Shen Jiu (Cute. That's all I have to say about them.)

Home is With You by Anonymous

Plum Blossom by hasa3810 

Honey Sweet by jeejaschocolate

Because I admire you Master Shen by IrisEvergreen

The Love Letter by shorimochi

Qiu Jianluo / Shen Jiu (pls don't judge me for this one, I am desperate for more Shen Jiu content.)

Mend, Scar by Anonymous

a whiff of coffee and healing, by im_sevenn

Dirty Laundry by im_sevenn

My Life in Your Hands by shorimochi

Target Captured by Anonymous

An unlikely savior by Midnight_illusi0n (not really Qiujiu, but I kinda hope??)

Xiu Ya / Shen Jiu (listen... desperate times calls for desperate measures, ok?)

I've only got Xiao Jiu for one day and if something happened to him I would kill everyone. Period by ectocosme

Through The Time by Invidia_Envy

Bingjiu (.... I have no excuse for this one. I am terribly ashamed.)

What it Means to Fall by xnemone  (restricted)

youtiao by revesdelimonade

The Touch Of Your Hands, The Taste Of Your Lips by mercury_retrograde

Finally by Shireyaki

Spring Flowers by xpityx (restricted)

an inch of longing, an inch of ash by xpityx (restricted)

bigger, not better by backspacedintooblivion (Evil_and_I_know_it)

Matrimony by spearpoint

The Court of the Night King by 1V1

to break your teeth on love by dearly_anonymous (restricted)

Tale as Old as Time by mrblank8l, shorimochi

When the puppy met a little snake by FakeAlice

Satisfaction Guaranteed, I'm Your Sunshine by YandereDay

Where He Cannot Follow by bloodsongs

No thank you, next! by singlewheelrolling

The Adventure of Bingpup and his Tsundere Shizun by CrazyNekoChan

It's Not Much, Goodness Knows by Anonymous

You are not alone, not anymore by Elis98

Through the Looking Glass by FarawayDreamer (restricted)

and perhaps the greatest grief is being left in a universe where you are gone by sweetlolixo

the hands of fate (my achilles' heel) by Chesra

Soft Skills by beelzebaozi

Smug Kitten's Splurge-Spending System by Anonymous

I didn't put it on the list because it's the most popular and easier to find through the tags, but Yinhua is also one of my faves.

I think I covered everything?

If anyone has anymore suggestions for some other fics I can read, please let me know!!

[amaiguri]

OC in 15 Tag Game

Thanks to the @the-down-upside-finch for the tag! It was forever ago and I think I need to redo my Tumblr intro to warn people that I do all my replies in bursts and I still love you all...

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

I will, of course, be honoring my beloved Arlasaire today with a combo of spoken dialogue and narration. That being said, I don't really write good out-of-context bangers lines lol -- everything only barely works because of the context. (I wish I was. I'm not that cool though.)

"And it was my fault! Because I wasn’t enough!"

"You don’t care about me."

"You don’t know me."

"Nesa… I warned Zal so I’ll warn you too: I’m not very good at relationships."

"…I’m not a lady. The Aftokratoria has stripped away our titles, remember?"

"I was just House d’Magnia’s ward. They took me in after a Dragonstorm burnt down my village. Fed me. Trained me. Gave me purpose."

On that first day after they found me, — back before I was “Arlasaire”— I’d been the one to kill the spider crabs chasing Lord Einharde’s second lieutenant.

"Lord Einharde embodied the House words with all his heart. “Eshew Axiom for Ascendancy.” This made him cold, but he was good to me."

His name rotted in my memory now.

"…The Arlasaire you knew a year ago would not have slaughtered anyone, if YOU had asked."

I felt the familiar knife twist in my chest. I stifled laughter. Euphoria. What a beautiful liar…

The Burned Maiden bled from the body and it was just the girl. Just me.

"And then… I fell for this priestess lady. We kissed. And then… she also tried to kill me."

"It is too cold and dark to be kind. Spring is not like this in the North. You have to actually wear clothes."

"You… like me? Are we… a thing?"

...Guys, Arlasaire's so edgy and angsty, omg. I swear, she's actually a huge softie underneath, she's just not feeling safe in the narrative... And familiar toxicity feels safe...

So YEAH! I'd like to gently tag @maiemorrae @spideronthesun @marigold-clouds @words-after-midnight @wordswrittenbynight @nemaliwrites @cee-grice @zebee-nyx @junypr-camus and @dragonprincedawn -- and if you've done this already, feel free to just link me to the thing. Or do it again! Whatever!

[gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan]

Darkness Looks Like Haven

Author’s note: Third part in the series with Claude. Past - Next

Summary: Claude is dealing with Captain Asshole, who’s nice to everyone else. What the fuck?

Warnings: Bullying, swearing, abuse of power? Ish? Tell me if I need to add warnings in the notes.

Tagged: @sleepyfan-blog, @whorety-k, @egrets-not-regrets

He had been trained, as all Primaris marines in many things, how to endure, how to fight, plans and orders go to die in Actual Battle. How to listen and heed the orders of those above him, to put aside his personal feelings and emotions. How to control himself and use his mind and body For The Good Of The God Emperor and The Imperium.

For the Lord Regent, for his brothers, First born and Primaris alike. One of the First Born Captains of the Storm Hawks, for reasons that he can’t ascertain has noticed Claude. And at first he’d been honored by the attention of the Elder brother, First Born Marine and Captain. But, no matter what Claude did, the Captain always found him wanting that he was failing in some way. This stirred up anxiety within him. He was doing his best to obey, to heed orders, to train, and be a good team player.

To move on swift, silent foot steps as he fights for the God Emperor. He’s trying to figure out what flaw in his being, or failing in his practice at combat, stealth, and other things he’s doing. He does all the tasks required of him to the best of his abilities. And yet the Captain can find the faults and flaws in everything that he does. Demanding he redoes it again. He’s asked his squad, wanting to know what it is that he’s done so wrong.

None of them have any ideas, and they have been, understandably, even if it hurts, distanced themselves from him. Not wanting to gain the Ire of the Captain. The whispers giggle and croon and rage in his ear. Murmuring madly of what he should do. Could do. How they’d help him make that Captain suffer and be the one who’s humiliated publicly.

 He closes his eyes briefly and silences the voices that cackle and forces the voices back down into silence. Well, not actually quiet, but more manageable levels as he goes over his forms again. Hours after the rest of his squad, and the other Primaris marines are off to bed, the Captain glowering down at him as he continues to practice, at quarter, half, and full speed repeatedly until the Captain tells him to stop.

“You Primaris are not only Taller, but faster,” The Captain spits out, almost like a curse as he scowls at Claude.

Claude remains quiet, there is The Correct and Only Answer, as well as Traps in the forms of verbal conversations. He’s not going to be lured into making himself suffer more than he has to by Saying The Wrong Thing. Even though no matter how Correct the Answer (supposed to be) is, it’s the Wrong One, at least if he says it. His brothers would give the answer that at the tip of his head and would get a scoff or a grumble, but allowed on. But if he says the words, he will get Punished for it.

Part of him wonders what would happen if he asks, why the Captain has singled him out specifically for this treatment out of all of his fellow Primaris brothers. Just what was it about Claude that upset the Captain so much. Why he had fixated on Claude. His mind snaps to Potential and the Captain rears back as if he’s been slapped due to the question and he snarls and gets into his face.

Drags Claude down to eye level, the First Born are shorter than Primaris and gets scolded for several hours and the Captain shoves him away and orders him to his bunk. Also, as punishment for his audacity he’s not to have rations for the next three days and to submit to correctional flogging. He blinks and snaps back to Now and keeps the words strangled in his throat and he shrugs.

“I was made this way, Captain.” He says quietly.

“Tch, to showers and bunk, you Stink, boy,” The Captain growls at him after a few minutes.

He snaps a salute and heads off to the showers and then to bunk. The rest of his squad are already asleep, and have been for a few hours. He closes his eyes to rest and wakes up to the sound of the morning alarm. Astartes don’t need much sleep, but even he hasn’t had enough. But he gets up and into armor and follows his squad to morning chow. Quietly listening to his squad mates and older brothers as he keeps his eyes almost shut.

He's not supposed to where his helmet in the refractory and the lights on the ship are really fracking bright. His brother’s don’t seem to have a problem with the light levels, so he keeps his mouth shut. Head bowed a little as he speaks a little to his squad when spoken to and eats the nutri-mash and drinks the electrolyte-infused water.

“It’s an honor that the Captain is training you personally,” One of the other Primaris marines, not of his squad tells him.

Claude blinks at him. “What?”

“The Captain,” Jono says impatiently, “He’s not seemed to notice any of the rest of us Primaris, you’re lucky enough to be getting personal training time with the Captain.”

Claude just stares at him. That is not true, the Captain isn’t training him to help he’s seeking to punish him. For some perceived sins that Claude doesn’t know what it was that he’d done to piss off the Captain. But to articulate that, or to complain would seem as if he’s ungrateful. Apparently, to most of the rest of the Prmaris, and from what he hears of his elder First-born Astartes, the Captain is a wonderful, stern man. Good Officer who, while distant with his underlings, isn’t a complete shit head.

[sunflowersandforgetmenots]

A Meal for Her Lordship~ Vampire Soma x Reader

This is really short and really bad at the end I'm so sorry agh. I'm not used to writing Soma yet, and this one is just pure ass smut so it's. Yeah. It's yeah. I might redo this one later, or expand in other fics!

Soma had her eye on you, you knew that as you lived your life in Grantebridge. You had yours on her as well, of course, but playing hard to get was fun. Until one night, and you’re stuck in the longhouse during a storm, and Soma… well Soma hadn’t eaten in so long, and there were two meals she was dying to taste.

Tagging: Biting Kink, Blood Kink, Table Sex, Squirting

Word Count: 1525

               “Are you sure about this, (Y/N)? You will not face my ire if you say no.” The Lord of Grantebridge whispers, the words hanging heavy in the air between you. Her hair was a mess, eyes flashing a deep red as her eyes scan over the scope of your neck and face. Your nightgown, heavy to combat the cold fall rain, was ripped a bit to expose your shoulder, the swell of your right breast holding up the torn fabric just enough to keep your dignity.

               “I’m sure.” You breath out, reaching out to cup Soma’s cheek, running your thumb over the skin. She was sweating a bit, despite the cold, despite the rain outside keeping the two of you isolated in her long house. There was a glint in her eyes, hungry, pleading, affectionate, all in one.

               You bare your neck, leaning your head to the side, as you pull Soma in by the back of her head. She falls into you, pressing you into the table a bit more, hips pressing between your legs and hands bracing herself on either side of your body. Her nose grazes over your neck, tickling you just a bit as she searches for your vein.

               “You smell delicious…” She moans, left hand moving from the table to press into your lower back, holding you up like extra insurance. “I bet you taste even better… I’ve had my eyes on you for so long… your beauty…” Her lips press into the side of your neck, feeling your pulse. “Your kindness.” Her tongue darts out, flat against your skin. You moan, though the sensation was weird. You felt her tongue, cold and wet against you, but then… nothing except a slight tingle. “Your intelligence… you’ve captured me, (Y/N)… and doing this… it will surely drive me mad if I do not get to keep you…”

               There was a hidden question in her words. Can I keep you? And there was no hesitance in your answer. You needed her, you wanted her so badly, not just now, but for months you’ve been chasing after her affection. It was thrilling to know that she, thank the gods above, wanted you just as much.

               Maybe even more with the way she was grinding into you slightly.

               “Then keep me… gods, please keep me, I would let you drain me if you so wished.” You plead, hand tangling up into her short hair, black hair spilling through your fingers as you hold on.

               “Then how am I to hear your cries of pleasure as I make you cum, my darling?” And her teeth sink into your skin.

               You don’t feel pain, oh no, it’s so much sweeter than anything you could have thought it could have been. It was near orgasmic with how it made you feel. Her lips sucking up your blood, the edges of your vision swimming, pleasure coursing through your body. Your toes curl a bit, and a gasp escapes your lips as she lays you down against the table.

               “My darling…” Soma muses, sounding a million miles away. Her tongue flicks out, licking up the blood one final time and helping the wounds close. “Shh… can you hear me?”

               “Mm…” You whined, hands weaving into her hair and pressing her face into your neck again. “More…”

               “No, no my love… let me give you something else to make you feel good.” She untangles from you, pushing up your night gown to just above your hips, leaving you exposed to the chilly air. Her glove comes off with one swift pull with her teeth, the heavy fabric dropping to the ground next to her feet. Cold fingers run down your front slowly, stopping on your chest to feel it rise and fall in quick succession as your senses came back.

               “So many places to take a bite from you…” She whispers. “Oh to see you covered with marks… reminders to you of this night… will it warm you at night? Cause you to slip those pretty fingers between your thighs to take care of yourself? Or will you come running to me once more… fall into my arms, and then my bed, and then into desire?”

               “To you…” You breathe out as her fingers slip ever so slowly down your stomach to the bunched-up hem of your nightgown. “You haven’t even touched me yet… yet all I know that all I will dream about is your skin against my skin… your teeth in my neck… please drink from me all you want, Soma…”

               “Gods, I want you.”

               “I’m right here.”

               “I might not be able to control myself, love.”

               “I trust you.”

               Those words make her fingers run along your hips, making eye contact with you, eyes glinting in the firelight. She looks soft, despite the red eyes and blood covered mouth and chin. There’s admiration in her eyes, adoration, and she leans down to press a kiss to your left thigh, blood smearing tastefully against it.

               “Then I will bring you to Valhalla and back tenfold, my love.” Your heart flutters, and her ears twitch a bit. Her tongue swipes over her teeth and lips, pulling the blood back into her mouth with a thick swallow. You hope you taste good.

               Her hands pull you to the edge of the table, hiking your dress up more. You spread your legs for her, planting your feet on the edge of the table for her. Those cold fingers move between your thighs, and a shaky little gasp gets pulled from your lips. They press into your warmth, slowly, with a determination to bury themselves into you. Scars run along her fingers, creating friction against your inner walls as you squeeze her fingers.

               She pushes them in and out of you, slowly, dragging them deliberately to watch you cling to her. She’s crouching before you, maybe even kneeling, eyes locked on your dripping cunt. When you glance down, all you see is the top of her head. But with the increasing speed of her digits, burying themselves to the knuckle at a harsh pace now, you don’t spend much time looking down at her.

               Your fingers grip your soft thighs, spreading them open, and your head presses back against the table, moans echoing in the empty halls. You’re so close, the knot in your belly tightening as the squelching between your legs only grows more frequent. You feel Soma’s nose nudge one of your hands away from your thigh, flicking out her tongue once more to lick a strip across your flesh, edging dangerously close to your mons. She chuckles as she hears your heart rate speed up, anticipating her next moves.

               She bares her fangs, slowing her fingers down to a slow, shallow rhythm. Then, she takes a bite, sinking her sharp fangs into your inner thigh. The feeling is orgasmic, both in description and actuality. The previous buildup from her fingers paired with the addicting feelings of her drinking from you makes you cum, splashing out onto her fingers, wrist, and cheek. Her name echoes in the hall from your pleasured groan and you shake, blissed out from her tasting of you.

               “Oh… your blood is even more delicious down here, my sweet.” She purrs, closing your wound with a quick lick of her tongue. Her face is even more bloody, and your essence coats the side of her cheek into her hair, mixing in with your blood. “Makes me wonder what you taste like both now… and during your time of bleed.”

               You look up at her, hazy and high from whatever drug has to be in vampire spit. Normally, you would question how it feels so good when she causes such pain and bloodloss, but all you care about is her handsome face covered in you. She looks good covered in you. You wanted even more of her covered in you. You wanted to be covered in you.

               Nothing in your brain was making much sense.

               “Shhh… it’s okay. Come down, and we can continue.” Soma promises. While she waits, she gathers you into her arms, holding you against her chest. She was so strong and soft, though so cold at the same time.

               “Mmm… let me kiss you..” You whine, lifting your head up. “Kiss.”

               “My love, I am covered in your blood, I do not think it’s wise-“ She stops at the look in your eyes, pleading and doe eyed. “You make me weak, do you know that?” She sighs, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips that tasted like… well it tasted like blood, but the feeling of her lips against yours made you hum with happiness. “I would give you anything that you desire.”

               “You flatter me, Lord Soma.”

               “Your presence here flatters me, that you have chosen me so despite my curse.”

               “There is no curse here, my bat,” She groans at the nickname, “Just you. Now…” You lay back on the table, spreading your legs once more. “Dessert, Lord Soma?”

               She stares down at you, hungry and in awe of you. “Dessert, yes… I might need more than one course of it.”

[sidekick-hero]

11:11

So I was tagged by several amazing people to answer 11 questions and ask 11 myself: @zmediaoutlet, @sal-si-puedes and @sosauffie Thank you!! <3

1. What’s your earliest memory?

It’s not exactly my earliest because I remember little impressions before that like being stung by a cactus or sitting on a billiard table. But it’s the clearest and most coherent.

It’s from when I was 3,5, summer of 1994. I was at my Grandma’s and my uncle, who was 18 at the time left for his first day at a new job. It was a job at a construction firm so he would be away the whole week. He peeked into the bedroom where I was sleeping and it was still so early it was dark outside. I remember seeing him standing in the door and smiling at me when he noticed I was awake. He waved at me and left.

I never saw him again because he died of a heatstroke two days later. But to this day I’m glad I saw him again. 

2. Have you had a major turning point in your life? What was it?

The divorce of my parents. It made my life so much better. Life was not suddenly perfect but it finally had the chance to get better.

3. If you could “create” full time–music, art, writing, whatever–what would you do? Would you even want to do it full time?

No, I really wouldn’t. I love writing now and then for my own pleasure, for relaxation and fun. Doing fulltime would mean I couldn’t relax doing it, I couldn’t treat it like a hobby and slack from time to time. It would become a chore and stressful and worst case I’d resent it. So no, definitely not. Also I’m not good enough for that but that’s another story.

4. You have one month that you can spend anywhere in the world, doing anything you want, with no repercussions (not monetary, legal, or interpersonal). What do you do?

Good question. I would probably freeze when faced with so much freedom. Ultimately I would travel around, visit all the old, beautiful cities of Europe. Just walking around, taking it all in. Interspersed would these visits with trips through nature, walking, hiking. Just being. Eating when I’m hungry, sleeping when I’m tired. 

5. If you could have a private conversation with someone usually unattainable (a world leader, a celebrity, even someone dead)–who would it be, and what’s the first question you would ask?

Albert Einstein. I would ask him to explain to me how the universe works as he understands it. Weird, I know. 

6. What’s the first song you remember loving? Do you still love it?

Oh lord, no idea. I remember being totally hung up on Blue Bayou by Roy Orbison. I played that song a million times at least. But before that probably some Disney Song or Michael Jackson. I loved both as a kid :D And I still love all of these (*hums the Lion King Soundtrack*)

7. Let’s say you’re transported back in time, and you get an opportunity to redo your university education (or get to do it for the first time, as appropriate). Would you study the same thing? Or would you turn your life in a different direction, and study something else–and what would it be? Would you drop out entirely?

I’m actually quite happy with what I studied. Maybe I would instead choose something that would allow me to become a Profiler. That would be cool, so instead of engineering and psychology I would study law and psychology. Then again, it was a super cool master degree course so probably not :D

8. If you could live in a fictional universe of your choice–would you? If so: would you want to be a “regular person,” or would you rather be associated with the protagonists of that universe?

I out myself: I’m still waiting for my Hogwarts letter. I would love love love to live in the Harry Potter universe, as a witch of course. I don’t need to be closely associated with Harry Potter but I would want to live in the same time frame and meet Snape and Dumbledore and all the others.

9. Do you trust your memory?

No. Not really. I mean I rely on it on a daily basis but I know that the world how we see it and how we memorize it is colored by so many bias it would be nuts to think you remember everything exactly as it was. Your mood alone influences your memory immensely. So no, never trust your memory ;)

10. Are you a very emotional person, or are you more likely to respond to things rationally? (Do you ever wish you were the opposite way?)

I’m not very emotional and I’m also bad at recognizing emotions. Sometimes I would like to be more emotional because it makes it sometimes hard to interact with me on a deeper level. But then I’m more likely to make rational decisions.

11. What was your favorite birthday celebration you’ve ever had? (Or are you the type who’d rather not celebrate your birthday–and, if so, what do you wish you could do instead?)

I’m not really into celebrating my birthday. I would like a day off, my warm bed (it’s in december) with a nice book and breakfast, then having some friends over and baking or talking or both and going to bed early. I’m secretly a 90 year old. 

[bakatenshii]

Just a question but do you know a fic where hawks likes his older sister I can't find it anywhere - 💜 anon

hi hi! I believe it’s all you’ll ever need by cas! it’s truly one of my fav fics on this site and probably my fav fic by her, it’s so insanely good and mMmmmmm enjoy bb! <33

[viirales]

Where do you go when you close your eyes?

linoleum

why does death's bell still continue to toll for you, sweet immortal child? you aren't alone in your heart, you know. somewhere on the other side, the other you is fighting just as hard as you are -- put down your gun. you're safe with your friends. travel in numbers and come back before the clock strikes one. make sure to polish your shoes, they've gotten scuffed from all that climbing.

Tagged by:  @vsself​ [thank you!!!!] Tagging:  all y’all tbh, just steal it and @ me <33

[bluewinnerangel]

Acting like u dont know that louis ditched harry to go to feji with zayn after harry cheated with peige doesnt mean it didnt happen!

This looks like you just let your phone autocomplete the sentence.

Well I am going to bed now and then but that's about it for now I can't stop thinking about it and I think I went over what I think is happening is that the interviewer suddenly tells harry she was with him and saw niall shirtless at the same time as the doc was released in november and Harry had been seen with a Mind Games shirt in summer and was like a kiss on his sleeve and I was like I was just like you can with tags and they looked like shit but you can't edit without redoing the whole thing was a big fat parallel to HLs so I can only imagine how much I love you and your lordy lord hour need to get me wrong and I will be proud kinda thing like I know it the shame bro of being that disgusting but like you're not well just let it happen and you just zoom out a lil and no wait wtf is that what what in the world why just WHY IS THAT what what in the world why just WHY IS THAT so much more of dear Mr Simon's discography as Girl Almigthy is a pretty good representation of the chaos on my blog is that I am not a fan of one and not having to explain I'm bluewinnerangel and bluewinnerangel is me over and over again incase I want to interact for whatever reason I almost never have a need to try and pull them back into it and I'm just trying to get a good feel for what reason I almost never have a need to try and pull them back into it and I'm just trying to get a good feel for what reason I almost never have a need to try and pull them back into it and I'm just trying to get

...ok it's stuck on a loop now but yeah this is how you sound. have some randomly picked things from my gallery as well

[idreamofplaid]

Rebirth

Square Filled: Anonymous Sex

Characters: Dean x Reader; Cara (OFC); Chase and Jake (OMCs) mentioned

Rating: Explicit

Summary: After a nasty divorce and some soul searching, the reader knows just how to get her life back with a little help from a young handsome stranger.

Word Count: 3576

Tags: language; oral (female receiving); unprotected sex; age difference

A/N: This is for @idabbleincrazy ‘s 1k Follower Celebration. Congrats on your 1st thousand followers! I chose the song “1985″ by Bowling for Soup for inspiration and the prompt “Oh, fuck off.”

Created for @spnkinkbingo

Fuck him and his new girlfriend. He could have at least waited until the ink dried on your divorce papers before he decided to parade his “new” woman in front of the entire town. New. Right. He’d been fucking her while he was still married to you.

You needed to get the hell out of this place. Start over somewhere, somewhere that no one knew of your humiliation or how you’d thrown your life away. Only, you couldn’t because you had two children in high school that loved their lives here. At least they were happy; that’s what mattered, right?

The so-called “friends” you had in the subdivision couldn’t wait to tell you about your barely ex-husband and how he’d been seen out with her at the fanciest, most expensive restaurant in town. It was the same place he’d taken you for your last anniversary. 

By the time your SUV pulled up in front of the bridal boutique, you were still seething. You slammed the door when you got out, not giving a damn who saw you. Let them go back and tell the entire fucking book club about your lack of decorum if that’s how they got their thrills.

When you walked into the store, a sea of white flooded your vision. Well, here was exactly what you wanted to see. Wedding dresses. Beyond them, further in the back, were the prom dresses. It was like the highlight reel of your life in dress form. 

You’d gone to your senior prom with the cheating son of a bitch that was now providing juicy material for all the town gossips, and just like the biggest cliche ever; you’d given him your virginity that night. If only you could take that back, but you’d been young, wide eyed, and in love. Four years later, right after college graduation, you married him. As a result, Chase was the only man you’d ever had sex with. Right now, you were really kicking yourself for that one.

In fact, you couldn’t be more pissed at yourself for the decisions you’d made. If there was a way you could erase it all and somehow keep your two kids, you’d do it. You loved them, and it was that love that brought you here to this hell of taffeta, sequins, and silk. The alterations were finished on your daughter’s prom dress, and it was ready for pick up.

You tried to settle the storm of anger and frustration that was raging inside you before you walked up to the counter. It wasn’t the sales associate’s fault your life had turned out the way it had. You blamed yourself for that, and blaming yourself just made you madder.

Somehow, you managed to plaster on a smile while you gave your name and got the dress. Once it was in your hands, you stood frozen staring at it. It was a sapphire blue, body hugging, silk and Cara would be beautiful in it. It made your mind wander back to another blue prom dress, the dress you had worn thirty years ago. “I was the goddamned prom queen,” you muttered under your breath.

“Excuse me, ma’am.” Joachin, the sales associate was staring at you with a confused expression on his face. 

“Nothing,” you replied a little too sharply, abandoning all your earlier good intentions toward the innocent Joachin. You turned and swept out of the store in a huff of tarnished memories and present day frustration.

As you walked out into the sunshine of the early afternoon, you draped the dress over your arm. With your other hand, you started to dig around in your purse for your keys. Where the hell were they?

By the time only a few steps remained between you and your car, a feeling of furious panic started to bubble up inside you. You couldn’t have.  When you reached the car and looked through the window, you saw that indeed you absolutely had. There were the keys, hanging in the ignition. 

You placed your forehead against the cool glass of the window and closed your eyes. Of course this had happened. You would be stuck here dealing with this fuck up for hours. The auto club was never quick to respond to any call for help. At least you didn’t have to worry about the kids getting home from school. Cara had her own car, and Jake had an away baseball game this afternoon. You wouldn’t need to pick him up until later tonight.

A deep voice broke through your mental attempt to organize this mess. “It looks like you could use some help.”

You opened your eyes to see those bloody keys still hanging there, mocking you. Without nearly as much fire as you’d been feeling earlier, but still enough to get your sentiment across, you responded, “Oh, fuck off.”

“Well, I could. Or, I could help you break into your car.” Break in? Who the hell was this, and how dare he have so much cockiness in his voice?

You turned to confront the unknown son of a bitch who was so clearly finding your situation amusing. Upon seeing him, your attitude instantly changed. This man was gorgeous. He had full lips, a chiseled jawline, and eyes the green of an Irish meadow.

His face was so pretty it could easily grace a movie screen, and his body was equally heart stopping. He had the broadest shoulders you’d ever seen on a man, and you could see enough through the open front of the leather jacket he was wearing to know his chest and stomach were firm. He looked like walking sex, and it had been way too long since you’d had any.

The spark of inspiration struck, but in this case it was more like a lightning bolt. It was time to reclaim your own life. “Forget the keys. Where’s your car?”

Young and handsome smiled and gave a nod in the direction of the other side of the street. “It’s over there.”

Your eyes followed the direction of the tilt of his head. “That’s your car?” It figured. The car was a classic muscle car, strong and beautiful. It was just as much of a standout as the man it belonged to. 

You dug back in your memory, seeking your long dormant flirting skills. They were rusty for sure, but still there. You smiled at this breathtaking man, just the right combination of coy and suggestive. “Could I trouble you to give me a ride home?”

He smiled back, and those green eyes got a certain gleam in them. God. He was clearly much better and more practiced at this flirting thing than you were. “Sure, sweetheart. It won’t be a problem at all.”

You followed him across the street, enjoying the view of his ass as you went. When you reached the car, he opened your door for you. THAT was something you hadn’t experienced in awhile. A welcome feeling began to flow through your veins, replacing the anger, frustration, humiliation, and regret you’d been feeling all day. This was a ripple of excitement and anticipation of entering unknown territory.

Handsome started the car, and the purr of the engine revved up that ripple of excitement inside you, turning it into a wave that washed over you and secured the idea that had been dancing through your mind. You silently committed yourself to it, and that decision filled you with something that felt remotely the way you remembered joy feeling.

He reached over and turned the knob to start the radio, then pushed a tape into the tape deck. Good lord. A cassette tape. It had been forever since you’d seen one of those. This guy had barely been born the last time they had been popular. 

The songs that poured through the speakers were from your youth, before that even. They were the songs you’d heard when you were a kid. Songs from the time of your life when you didn’t think anything about mistakes, or getting things wrong. You were just filled with hope, possibility, and excitement for the future. That was the feeling you needed to recapture.

This was a good start. Many would say it was a reckless start, but this wasn’t their life. It was yours, and it was time you took it back. In some ways, you would be claiming it for the first time, and this incredibly handsome, exciting, and just a bit dangerous man beside you could help you do that. 

He noticed the smile that had appeared on your face. “You like the music?” he asked. 

“I do. I appreciate a man with a taste for the classics.” Those intoxicating green eyes were focused on you before he turned them back to the road and smiled. 

Then a little bubble of excitement rose up in your chest, and you bit your lip. An idea had struck you. It was possible to redo your life; you were young enough. You weren’t just going to spend the rest of your days on the sidelines watching your kids live. On impulse, you turned and asked him, “Do you have anything from the eighties?” It was possible. This was a man with a collection of cassette tapes.

He didn’t take his eyes from the road, but his grin got bigger. “There’s a box under the seat. You might find some Bon Jovi in there, but I’m not making any promises.”

You reached under the seat, found the box, and started to shuffle through the bunch of tapes you found there. After sorting through the Zeppelin and the AC/DC, your eyes fell upon exacting what you’d been looking for. It was Bon Jovi’s greatest album in your opinion, Slippery When Wet, circa 1987. 

You opened the plastic cassette cover and took the tape in your hands. It sent a rush through you, unlike anything you’d felt in years. This was the album you played in your own cassette deck every afternoon after school, all that time ago, with your best friend in the passenger seat beside you. Everything lay ahead of you, all the bad decisions still lay ahead. It was all nothing but good. 

It felt like a magical talisman you held in your hands. You looked at your new companion hopefully. “Can I?”

“Sure,” he answered as he popped the current tape out of the deck and tossed it on the seat between you.

You put your find in the tape deck, and immediately the sounds of “Livin’ on a Prayer” filled your ears. Your eyes closed, and you allowed yourself to indulge in the fantasy of turning back the clock and living a different life. It was a life with a different boyfriend and a different outcome, the one where you weren’t a washed up stay at home mom who had put so many of her dreams on hold to support her husband and his.

Dreams of travel filled your mind, dreams of travel and starting your own business. Once you had imagined being a fashion designer, a glamorous fashion designer, before you started wearing conservative suburban wife clothes and stopped dreaming. The rekindling of that spark of who you might have been brought a smile to your lips.

“What are you thinking?” Handsome with the green eyes and the incredible voice asked you. He reached across the seat and took your hand in his. Your smile got even bigger. It was time to push the reset button on your life.

You gave the gorgeous stranger directions to your house. Okay, that was a little risky, but of all the things that had gone off the rails in your life; your intuition wasn’t one of them. You had the very distinct feeling you could trust him. 

Your garage door opener was trapped back in your SUV along with your keys. He’d just have to park his car in the driveway. Let the nosy neighbors wonder about that.

Fortunately, you had a spare key to the house hidden nearby. It took a minute to find the correct rock, but when you did; there was the key where you’d hidden it underneath. You returned to the front door triumphant, key in your hand. Once inside, you put your purse on the table in the foyer while mystery man turned in a slow circle, taking in the place.

He turned back to you. “Nice house.”

You took off your jacket and hung it on the coat rack in the corner. “Thanks. There’s a nice liquor cabinet too. How about a drink? A small thank you for rescuing me from the side of the road.”

He rubbed his thumb along the corner of his mouth. “It wasn’t exactly the side of the road, but I will take that drink.”

You walked on into the house, making your way to the living room; he followed. The bar was located near the massive floor to ceiling fireplace, and the ceilings were high. Chase had insisted on it. It always struck you as a little much, but he was ever aware of appearances. Until now, it would seem. Apparently, abandoning your wife and children for a gold digging bimbo was a good look.

The crystal decanters on the bar certainly had the right look. They also had the right aged whiskey inside them. You flipped over two tumblers and poured some in each. 

He took the glass you offered him and raised it to those luscious lips. After a long sip, he asked you “What’s it like living in a place like this?”

You whirled the whiskey in your glass for a moment, starting at it, then glanced up at him. “Not as wonderful as you might imagine. What about you? Where do you live?”

It was his turn to find his glass fascinating for a few seconds. “Nowhere really. I travel around a lot.” You couldn’t quite pin down the tone of his voice. Did he like that fact about his life or not? Either way, it added to the air of mystery around him.

You took a swallow from your own glass. The little boost of alcohol induced bravery certainly wouldn’t hurt with what you had in mind. “Are you in town for long?”

He licked his lips before answering. “That depends. I’m here for a job. Not sure how long it’s going to take yet.” Enough with the small talk.

You took the glass from his hand and put it down on the bar. “What about this afternoon? Do you have a little time off?”

He settled his hand at your waist. “I could take a couple of hours for some relaxation.”

You downed the remaining contents of your glass and placed it on the bar next to his. “I have a couple of hours too.” You put your arm around him and let your palm rest over the center of his back.

That sinful mouth was on top of yours in an instant, and he absolutely knew what to do with it. His kiss was gentle but firm, tongue dragging along the seam of your lips until you opened them for him. The taste of the bourbon on his tongue as his tongue moved around yours was practically weaving a spell around you.

The kiss became deeper and more insistent. Your tongue swirled and tangled around his, and your breathing hitched in your chest. He started to bend you back over the bar, and, from deep inside your pocket, your phone started to ring. “Ignore it,” he said against your lips.

“I can’t.” That’s what it meant to be a mother. You fished the phone out of your pocket and checked the screen to see who was calling. Maybe it wasn’t one of the kids. Cara.

You touched the screen to answer and put the phone next to your ear. “Hello.”

Without any preamble, your daughter launched right into the purpose of her call. “Mom, is okay if I…. Why are you breathing so hard? Are you doing one of those old aerobics routines again? Mom, that is so lame.”

He was kissing down your neck, his mouth open just enough to require you to struggle to concentrate. “No, that’s not what I’m doing.”

You heard the sigh and could picture her rolling her eyes. “Whatever, Mom. Can I go over to Tabitha’s for dinner?”

He was sucking on your pulse point, and it was getting harder to keep your mind on the conversation. “Yes. That’s fine. Be careful driving home.” You ended the call, aware the kissing that had felt so incredibly good had stopped.

He’d taken a step back from you, and those captivating green eyes held a big question. “Look, this can’t happen if you’re….”

You quickly replayed your side of the conversation in your head. “Married? No. I am very much not married. That was my daughter, and she won’t be home for several hours.”

His smile was back, and his arm went back around your waist. “Well, in that case, where were we?”

You all but tore the leather jacket from his shoulders and let it fall in a heap on your expensive rug along with your phone. The rest of his clothes and yours disappeared on the trip down the hall to your bedroom where you’d been sleeping alone for so many months. 

Surprisingly, you didn’t feel at all self conscious as you walked into your bedroom naked with this man you’d just met. He was a sight to behold. You wanted to taste and touch every tempting inch of him, and you started with his chest. 

You ran your hand over the firm muscles in his pecs and let your fingers trace over the fascinating tattoo there. It was as much a mystery as the rest of him, and you didn’t ask him any questions about it. This wasn’t a “bare your heart and share your past” kind of afternoon. 

He watched your hands on him, and when he raised his eyes to meet yours; they were dark, filled with lust. His hand closed over yours, large and strong, and he led you to the four poster bed. God, he was gorgeous. 

Solid thighs, toned stomach, and thick cock that made your mouth water just looking at it. He lay back on the bed, his golden freckle dusted skin a beautiful contrast to the white of the comforter, and pulled you down with him. You could feel his hard cock pressing against your thigh. 

It made you wet for him, and for a brief second you wondered exactly what it was you were doing. That stray thought didn’t last long. It was replaced by a voice inside you that had been silenced by responsibilities and expectations of who you should be. He’s hot, and you’re single. Enjoy him.

He pulled you down into another kiss that made your head go dizzy with the sheer goodness of it. It felt wonderful, blissful, and consuming. Most of all, it made you feel sexy again. You started to move your hips, undulating them on the warmth of his firm body beneath you, losing yourself to the moment. 

There were so many sensations competing for your attention. He was igniting the desire inside you that you had all but forgotten was there. His muscled arms circled around you, and he rolled you under him, caging you between his arms on either side of your head. 

“Sure you want to do this?” he asked you huskily. His voice was as sexy as the rest of him.

“Absolutely. Don’t you dare stop now.” His lips crashed down on yours, and you returned every bit of the passion he put into that kiss. Then he moved his mouth down your body. The heat of his mouth closed over one of your nipples, and he began to suck on it, pulling the softest, neediest moans from you you’d ever heard escape your mouth. 

This man shattered every inhibition you ever had with his talented tongue. The sounds you made when he closed his lips around your clit were absolutely wanton. He licked at you and ate you out like he enjoyed it. If his mouth was talented; his cock was even better. 

It stretched you with a sweet burn that satisfied the ache and filled you. You dragged your nails down his back, wanting to leave your mark on him. He was certainly going to leave his with you. The memory of this day would be seared in your mind always. 

He knew ways to make you feel good you had never even known about yourself. After your third orgasm of the afternoon, he finally came. You felt the pulsing of his cock inside you, and there was a certain satisfaction in that. You were smiling when he pulled out, rolled over, and lay down next to you.

His chest was rising and falling, his arm slung over his head. He was the picture of debauchery, and you loved how it felt to be debauched. You would need to take the comforter to the cleaners after this, because you weren’t done yet. Let those busybodies at the dry cleaners just try and figure out what happened to your bedding.

That wicked thought made you smile broadly. Oh, yes. The comforter would be ruined by the time you were done. This guy was for sure good for another round. Or two.

Everything: @gambitwinchester @princessmisery666 @peridottea91 @beenlovingromansincedayoneish @fangirlxwritesx67 @waywardbaby @atc74 @tumbler-tidbits @fandom-princess-forevermore @emoryhemsworth @emilyshurley @shaniquacynthia @crashdevlin @terrarium-jpeg @jules-1999 @cosicas-cuquis @sammyimpala-67 @queenoftheunderdark @dean-winchesters-bacon @timelordy-fangirl2 @sweetness47 @hobby27 @awesomesusiebstuff @kickingitwithkirk @becs-bunker @sandlee44 @supernaturalgrandma @volleyballer519 @kdfrqqg @lizette50 @sorenmarie87 @lovealways-j @mrswhozeewhatsis @spnbaby-67 @wayward-and-worn @asthesunwentdown @vulgar-library @thinkinghardhardlythinking @petitgateau911

Dean/Jensen: @deansyahtzee @flamencodiva @deanwinchesterswitch @feelmyroarrrr @focusonspn @akshi8278 @ladywinchester1967 @sgarrett49 @wingedcatninja @coffee-obsessed-writer @adoptdontshoppets @ellewritesfix05​ @weepingwillowphoenix​

[crimsonrain-spirits]

my tags are a mess I need to organize them good lord

and also I need to redo my blog theme (desktop) shjshdjdh

[dangermousie]

Heelo mousie! Love your blog! Do you mind recommending some of your favourite Chinese BL novels or shows?

I've seen the untamed and read it. I'm currently reading heaven's official blessing and I saw the donghua. Anything other than these two?

Awww, thank you!

Novels: I am gonna be lazy and literally copy/paste the entire danmei section of my top 10 web novels post (except MXTX’s stuff since you are already reading it.) Let me know if you need help finding any of these.

Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor   antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both  as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men   always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be  friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest  parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is  also finding the middle path between their two very different  philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or  dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and  setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period  setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with  character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our   protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant,   sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s  servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as  we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and  occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named   Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers  and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both  out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely  likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two  take up farming, get involved in  the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

The Wife is First - OK, this one did not make my top 10 web novels but it’s a sweet, fun gay cottagecore fest. Our ML, a royal prince, and his spouse, a smart if delicate aristocrat, keep house, eat noodles, play with their pet tiger, make out and spoil each other rotten, while occasionally fighting battles and outwitting their court enemies. It’s so very mellow. That couple redefines low drama - they are both nice and functional and use their brains. It’s as if a nice jock and a nice nerd got together and then proceeded to be wholesome all over the place.

I mean, the set up could be dramatic - our ML the prince, lost his fight for the throne and is about to be killed. The only person who stayed loyal to him is his arranged husband the aristocrat guy who ML never treated nicely since he resented marrying him (marrying a man in that world is done to remove someone from the ability to inherit the throne.) And yet the husband stood by him not out of love but beliefs in loyalty blah blah. Anyway, he transmigrates back into the past right after their wedding night and is all “I got a second chance OMG! I don’t want the throne what is even the point? I want to live a good long life and treat the only person who stood by me really well!” And he proceeds to do so to the shock of the aristocrat who had a very unpleasant wedding night and generally can tell the man he just married would rather eat nails than be married to him. But soon enough (no seriously, it’s not many chapters at all) he believes the prince is sincere blah blah and then  they get together and they pretty much become cottagecore goals.

In terms of dramas, I only do period dramas (or novels) so I am not the person to be able to recommend any modern BLs. There is a flood of upcoming (hopefully) period BL dramas but it’s relatively thin on the ground now. The two I will recommend is Word of Honor (which is AMAZING) and Winter Begonia (which I just started watching but which owns me already.) I have a tag for both - the one for the former is huge and I cannot recommend either strongly enough. I’ve heard good things about The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, but I am not big on mysteries so haven’t watched it for myself.

In terms of the upcoming BLs, the ones I am most looking forward to are Immortality and Winner Is King, but The Society of the Four Leaves also looks promising.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Ninety Eight

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

October 29th, 2000

Emile smiled, looking over at Remy, who was more excited than he had ever seen his new friend before. They had gone down to a local arcade to fool around and play some games, and Remy was super invested in Pac-Man. Like, more invested than Emile was in cartoons. And that was definitely saying something.

Remy finished the level he was on and whooped. “All right! New personal best, baby, let’s go!”

Emile laughed. Remy was a little abrasive around the edges, but this was proof that he could soften with time, or at least, hold his tongue in check and not be hurtful if he really wanted to be. Not one bad word left Remy’s lips, not even for the ghosts when they almost ate him. Emile was...surprised. He was starting to realize that he was fond of Remy. Not even out of pure spite. He was just fond of him as a friend.

  March 28th, 2004

Emile was sitting in the living room of his parents’ house, with his grandfather sitting next to him on the couch. Things had been really strained ever since Emile had delivered the news that he was going to marry Remy. But today, Emile could see just how much that strain had been affecting his grandfather. He looked older, withered, and Emile swallowed. If Emile and Remy hadn’t been able to get married, how likely was it that Emile would only hear about his grandfather when he had passed on?

No, stop it, that line of thinking wasn’t helpful. His grandfather definitely hadn’t been pleased that he was going to marry a man, no matter what they did behind closed doors, but he was still alive. “So...you wanted to talk to me?” Emile asked hesitantly. He cringed at how uncertain his own voice sounded.

His grandfather nodded. “I have been doing some thinking, ever since you said you were bisexual.”

Emile flinched minutely. “I don’t regret telling you back then. And I don’t regret telling you I got engaged, either. It would be wrong to just...not invite you to the wedding.”

“It’s all the way in Massachusetts,” his grandfather said, almost petulant.

“They’re the only state where gay marriage is legal, Grandpa. They may not recognize us as a legal couple here, but we wanted the ceremony as a symbolic thing. If and when gay marriage is legalized everywhere, or at least here, we’ll redo the papers and make it so that yes, we are legally married no matter what state we go to,” Emile said. “And until then, Remy and I can get papers to enter a civil union. Next best thing, although in our minds, it’s not enough.”

His grandfather put on a brave face, a fact which Emile appreciated. “And...you’re certain about this?”

“As sure as I have ever been about anything,” Emile said with a nod. “This is something both of us are positive we want. And we’ve both been tested, neither of us have any nasty surprises in the form of...you know...sexually transmitted diseases. No HIV, if you were worried about that.”

“I had...friends in the eighties, who never told me they were gay, until they got sick and couldn’t hide how they got it anymore,” his grandfather said. “I definitely don’t want that happening to you.”

“It won’t,” Emile said, putting a hand on his grandfather’s knee. He hoped he was being as reassuring as he was trying to be.

“And this makes you happy.”

Emile smiled. “Grandpa, Remy makes me feel like the happiest person alive. I love him with my whole heart.”

His grandfather nodded. “Then, there’s something I want you to have. Consider it an early wedding present of sorts.”

Emile’s eyebrows shot up as his grandfather passed him a nondescript brown package. He tore into it and he laughed when he recognized the shade of pink that had given him so much pride in the past. He stood, pulled it out and unfolded the bisexual pride flag... his bisexual pride flag. He thought he might cry.

Although, considering he had given Remy permission to bust in here should he start crying, that might not be the best idea.

“There’s another flag in there, for your fiancé,” his grandfather said.

Emile turned back to the package and pulled out a flag, folded up in a triangle like his was, sporting the red and orange stripes that Emile immediately recognized. “I...wow. Thank you, so much,” he managed, putting it back in the package.

His grandfather stood and hugged Emile tight. “I may not understand, but I don’t have to. It makes you happy, and that’s all that matters.”

Emile actually cried at that, Remy be damned, and hugged his grandfather tight. “Thank you, so much,” he repeated. “Thank you.”

“Just marry the man of your dreams, Emile. All I ever want for you is to be happy,” his grandfather said.

Emile grinned. “And Remy, too?”

His grandfather sighed and nodded with a weak smile. “And Remy too.”

Emile laughed and called, “Rem, get in here!”

Remy immediately burst into the room, wide-eyed and worried. “What?!”

“Grandpa has a gift for you,” Emile said, passing the opened package to Remy.

Remy looked inside and pulled out the flag in shock. “Wow,” he said, stunned. “I don’t know what to say.”

Emile’s grandfather shrugged. “Emile could do way worse,” he said.

Remy’s hackles were starting to rise and Emile stepped in. “Remy, Remy! Remy, he's joking,” Emile assured.

Emile’s grandfather had a sly grin on his face and his shoulders were shaking. “Emile and I don’t pull punches with each other, and we would tease each other to Hell and back when he was younger and going through a rebellious face. It’s a form of love, I assure you,” his grandfather explained to Remy.

“You’re on such thin ice,” Remy said, but lowered his guard just a fraction.

“Considering your history, I probably should have put more thought in before I said that joke,” Emile’s grandfather mused. “But my point still stands. Emile could do way worse than someone who makes him this happy, and who he trusts without a second thought.”

Remy turned a little red, and Emile laughed. “You might have broken him, Grandpa!” he teased. “And before we could even exchange vows!”

His grandfather laughed, but Emile didn’t miss the strain in it. “I’m gonna be honest, Grandpa. You don’t have to come to the wedding if this...makes you uncomfortable.”

“Emile, don’t be ridiculous,” his grandfather said. “Do you want me there?”

“...Yes,” Emile said softly.

“Then I’ll be there. I’ll get comfortable enough to throw rice on the newlyweds after you say your vows and make out at the altar,” his grandfather said. “Your wedding invitation showed me how committed you were to not only Remy, but to me. You gave me chance after chance to connect, and, well, I may have had my head in my ass for a while but I’m no fool. I’m growing old, Emile, and I want to be in touch with you whenever the Lord calls me home. I want you and your future husband and I to be in good standing when that day comes.”

“Hopefully it won’t come for a while yet,” Emile said, tears still falling as he hugged his grandfather tightly.

“Now that we have the...feelings all out of the way,” his grandfather laughed, “What do you say to some catch-up? How are your studies going?”

“Oh, Emile here has only gotten one ‘B’ his entire college career,” Remy laughed, clapping Emile on the shoulder. “And that was in gym. Apparently, his teacher was a bit less endeared by Emile’s giant puppy coordination than most.”

Emile’s grandfather laughed. “That sounds like my grandson,” he said, beaming at both Remy and Emile in turn. “So I take it you’re still on-track to graduate, then.”

“Yeah,” Emile said, scratching the back of his neck. “Like, there are kids with four-point-oh grades, so I’m not going to be the valedictorian speaker, but I’m still pretty proud of those grades. Especially considering that for a while, I was pulling night-shifts at Target, and I still work there to help fund everything.”

His grandfather nodded. “Things never seem to get cheaper as life goes on,” he said sagely. “The way inflation’s going, I don’t think it’ll ever get down to what it once was.”

The three of them got comfortable in the room, Emile and his grandfather on the couch, Remy sitting on the coffee table. Some time later, Mom and Dad walked in. “Everyone’s made nice, I take it?” Mom asked.

“I don’t think Remy would be sitting on the table if they hadn’t, honey,” Dad pointed out.

“Okay, you’ve got me there,” Remy laughed. “I don’t usually do this around people I’m uncomfortable with.”

“I hope that I can continue to make you more comfortable around me in the future,” Emile’s grandfather said. “The way I acted before was...immature, and uncalled for, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Remy said with a little smile. “You’re owning up to your mistake and learning from it, and that’s all anyone can really ask for. I learned that from Emile, here, over the years.”

“Stop,” Emile said, blushing.

“What? It’s true,” Remy argued. “I was a heartless bitch when I first entered college. You taught me that it was okay to feel. I owe a lot of my growth to you.”

“Not all of it,” Emile pointed out. “You’re the one who decided that you were going to grow. You made that choice, I just added the...stakes and the twine.”

“Still, stakes and twine are pretty important,” Remy insisted.

“Boys, boys, you’re both pretty, and pretty important to each other. No need to debate it,” Emile’s grandfather cut in.

Remy snorted at that, and Emile burst into giggles.

“You know, you’re not bad,” Remy said to Emile’s grandfather. “You had a bit of a moment, there, but I think you can get better. What’s more, you think you can get better, which is what really matters. And I, for one, am very relieved that you’re willing to put in that work. I know that you coming to the wedding has been a source of some of Emile’s anxiety for several months now.”

“Well, someone couldn’t see me until Spring Break, not that I exactly blame him for needing some time away from me,” Emile’s grandfather said. “And it wound up working out, because those pride flags I got you came in late, and if we had met up before February, I wouldn’t have had them in time.”

“I definitely appreciate the pride flags,” Remy said, laughing. “It makes things ten times easier at Pride Parades. People will seek out those specific colors like a code and once they see you with it, they’ll come up and talk to you a lot faster, because they know you’re one of them.”

“It’s a community thing,” Emile filled in at his grandfather’s confused look. “The parades bring people all over the city, or sometimes, the county or state or nation to be themselves at this one place at this one time in June. Remy and I try to make a point to go every year. It’s really nice.”

“Well, I might not join you in that, because Lord knows I’m not as young as I used to be, and I don’t handle summer heat well, but that sounds like fun for you two,” his grandfather said.

They chatted a while longer, before Mom pointed out it was getting late and everyone had a stretch of driving to go before they made it home. Emile and his grandfather hugged for a long time before they left the house.

Emile’s grandfather and Remy shook hands, exchanging friendly smiles as they stood at the edge of the house. “Good night, Remy. I’ll be pleased to see you at the wedding,” he said. “And...for what it’s worth, I’m sorry that whoever hurt you in the name of religion did so. I’m starting to learn that faith and traditions are much more fluid than rigid, and those who hold onto those beliefs will one day end up a byproduct of ages long past. They will be on the wrong side of history, and...I hope that they come to see things this way. Even if they don’t, you’ll always have a grandfather in me, and I think Emile’s grandmother, God bless her soul, would have taken an immediate shine to you.”

Remy stood there in shock at Emile’s grandfather's words, before he choked out a watery, “Thank you, sir. Really, that means a great deal more than you could imagine.”

They all exchanged one final goodbye before getting in their cars. And as Emile dozed in the passenger seat on the drive home, Remy looked at the pride flags, and excitedly chattered. Sometimes, people could indeed come around. Emile’s grandfather, and Remy himself, were proof of that concept. Emile smiled sleepily, closing his eyes. All was right with the world.

[indiacater]

UNFINISHED CHAPTER

I have made the decision to completely redo this story. I just wasn't feeling connected to how the story was currently going. The way I was writing it no longer felt authentic to my style. And I will admit that I'm a perfectionist with my stories (who on this platform isn't?) So the remake will be posted after the new year. Outlaw will still continue and I do have another story in the works. In the meantime here is the unfinished chapter of addicted.

Tagging: @ao719 @desireepow-1986 @emceesynonymroll @dcbbw @bebepac @cordonianroyalty @texaskitten30 @glaimtruelovealways @kingliam2019 @bobasheebaby

Addicted ch.2

A week after meeting with the King and Lord Darren, Dr. Sugar was preparing to meet with the selected people for his insight intake. He looked at his pad and saw that he'll be first talking to Liam’s personal guard, Andrew. Then it was Duchess Olivia, who grew up with both Liam and Naima. Then lastly meeting with young Mr. Drake Walker, who also grew up with both Liam and Naima, and is Liam’s closest friend. As James continued to prepare he thought more of his opinion of the situation he was brought into. With what Constantine and Darren had told them Liam and Naima were expressing a healthy, yet reckless sexual relationship. However when both men mentioned the intimacy between the two didn’t start until after the deaths of their mothers. “Replacing emotional anguish with physical distractions is common, and a healthy coping mechanism.” He thought to himself. Yet he couldn’t shake the curious intrigue of this case. James thought back as he left the palace after meeting with Constantine and Darren, and seeing Liam and Naima their behavior would seem addictive in perspective but really looking at their actions they were more of overzealous newlyweds on their wedding night. Dr. Sugar chuckled at the thought and decided to speak with Liam and Naima before his sessions. 

THE NEXT DAY

Dr. Sugar arrived a short time before his meeting with Andrew, as he set up his notes for the day he asked the palace staff of Liam and Naima’s whereabouts. Most advised him to steer clear of them, unless you walked in on them. Eventually he learned that they were in the adjacent library on the bottom floor as he approached he overheard an already strained conversation going on. 

“Why do you need to head back today?” Said a man’s voice between breathlessly. “Come on just stay one more day. Let me convince you again.”

“I don’t need to be convinced anymore. I really do need to head back to the Valtoria estate.” A female voice responded. “Besides there some guy hovering outside the door.” 

Upon hearing that James kept his head low as he walked in. Trying to keep his composure he addressed them. 

“Good afternoon your highness, your grace. I’m Dr-"

“Who are you speaking too? Us or that floor?” Naima interrupted. “We’re fully dressed now.

Feeling slightly more embarrassed James lifted his head and continued. “Apologies. I'm Dr.  James Sugar. Your fathers had hired my services to help you both. I’m meeting with some friends of yours to get a better idea of what I’m being brought in for.” James began to feel that meeting them at this point was a regrettable choice as he assess the looks of both Liam and Naima. With Liam he looked irritated by him being there, where Naima was more of a curious indifference. Feeling he already done this much he might as well finish. “I was hoping to meet the both of you beforehand and just introduce myself and plan ahead on when we can meet. Preferably I would to meet with you individually--" noticing Liam hard stare, immediately corrected himself. “Or if you’re more comfortable meeting together, I’m okay with that as well.” James finished. 

A brief intense silence followed. Eventually Naima got up and pulled out a card from her bag and handed it to James as she got up and walked halfway out the door. “My personal estate number is on the bottom. Try to schedule something with me before the end of the week.” Naima spoke in a serious yet nonchalant tone. “A pleasure Dr. Sugar.” And with that she walked out. 

Liam rushed to follow her but got halfway out the door before James called out to him. “Your Highness?!” Liam stopped abruptly and turned to James with subtle annoyance. “I still have time before my sessions begin. Why don’t we chat for a bit and schedule our session in the meantime?” James continued as he sat down. Liam hesitated at the door, then throws up his arm and grabs a chair.

“Seeing that you’re on our father’s  payroll and determined to be in our business.” Liam scolds as he sits down. “Sure let’s chat.”

James straighten up and started with a softball. “Okay I won’t beat around the bush then. Are you or her grace aware of why I was brought in to talk to the two of you?” 

“Who cares.” Liam answered as he leaned back in his chair. “Our father’s really need to mind their business of what goes on with me and Naima.”

“Well according to your father specifically, the two of you have a habit of making your business public for all to see.” James retorted, not intending to making it sound as rude as it did. He expected the young prince to be more agitated but instead Liam stood up and smiled. 

“That’s why you’re here?” Liam asked, sarcastically. “Because Naima and I have sex? That’s a pretty low excuse to force Naima and I to meet with a therapist. I’m sure you can understand.”

James shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t disagree with that. However from what I have been told so far and from what I have briefly witnessed during my last visit, one can’t help but to be curious.” James noticed Liam’s demeanor soften slightly as he continued. “Normally any other psychiatrist would just roll over and beg at the hand that’s feeding them just to use the opportunity to bolster their reputation.”

“We should be so lucky.” Liam said with a hint of sarcasm. “Well doctor Sugar I shouldn’t keep you from you appointments. Feel free to get in touch with my father’s assistant to plan our appointment after confirming a date with Naima.” With that Liam got up, curtly bowed his head and left the room. 

With a deep breath James got up and left to start his profile interview.

ANDREW

Liam’s personal guard was first. James figured that he more than anyone had seen the progression of this relationship and would be the perfect person to begin this fun journey. He arrived shortly after 11am and kept a stoic façade. 

“Good morning, Andrew." Dr. Sugar began. “I appreciate you having the time to meet with me. Albeit it was at his majesty’s request but know it is appreciated.”

Andrew answered in a slight nod.

“Good.” Dr. Sugar said as he cleared his throat. “As you know Prince Liam and Lady Naima are the reason we're speaking today. I want to get your insight of their “relationship”. As you know them from a young age is there anything you would want me to know?” 

Andrew sat up in his seat and sighed. “Contrary to what you've been informed of. I’ve only been his highness’s personal guard for the past three years. Before that I was a mere palace guard. I only became Prince Liam’s personal guard due to having the most run in with him and lady Naima.”

Doctor Sugar looked through his notes to search a particular topic. Looking back at Andrew. “Can you give me an idea how their relationship came to be?”

Andrew shrugged. “They’ve known each other since they were kids and younger than that. Their mothers were very close and  would often have play dates. Just around a year before I became Liam’s guard is when I walked in on the making out. Just innocent stuff. About six months after I took the position I walked in on them in more progressive activities”

James looked down at his notes again. “What can you tell me about the headmistress incident(1)?”

Andrew’s eyes widen slightly. “I’m afraid that is classified. You could speak to his majesty or his highness, but I’m afraid I can’t help you there.”

The rest of the session went on smoothly. Dr. Sugar was able to learn that Liam and Naima graduated at the same time and would go off for days at a time together, but he wasn’t privy to give out that information. He did mention that there was an incident with Liam’s closest friend, Drake Walker (2).

Olivia

To say that Olivia frightened James was an understatement, it also unnerved him watching her toy with a stiletto blade.

“Thank you for sitting down with me Duchess.” He said, trying to mask any timidity in his voice.

“I really didn’t have much of a choice.” Olivia responded. “So what does my being here have to do with Liam?”

“I’m aware that you’re close with both Liam and Naima. What can you tell me about that?”

Olivia sits up straighter and places her blade down on the table. “I practically grew up with Liam. After my parents died I went to live at the palace until I came of age to rule Lythikos on my own. As for Naima she was around, we were sparring partners for a time, we attended the same schools. I wasn't that close to her."

"Hmmmm." James hummed. "Your Grace. If I may be so bold to ask have you had and romantic feelings towards Prince Liam?"

"Yes. It is bold of you to ask." Olivia replied, coldly. She remained quiet for a solid minute before breathing out a huge sigh. "If you're curious if I ever acted on those feelings then yes."

James eyes widen slightly as he leaned forward. "How did you act on them and how receptive was the Prince?"

"Last summer." Olivia began. "Naima was visiting her grandparents in America. They both were sick and didn't have long. So Naima was there for most of the summer. He and Naima would still chat in the morning and in the evening, but I noticed Liam becoming antsy. I seemed them together during Liam's girlfriend's incident (2). So one day I found him in the middle of self gratification and took advantage of the situation. Then we hooked up a few more times. I thought he finally noticed me, but sadly I was being naive."

"What makes you see that you were naive?" James asked curiously. Olivia shuddered a sigh and then responded.

"During the last time were together intimately."

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

Arrival Redo

OKAY SO

VARIANS INITAL ARRIVAL WAS STUPID

SO

THAT DIDNT HAPPEN

THIS HAPPENED INSTEAD

ANY QUESTIONS?NO?GOOD-

HERE

Im not tagging anyone okay-

just-

here

Yes I took inspiration from several fanfictions that I liked

please don't hate me

***

Varian looked down at the ground as he walked. Papers gathered in his arms, lost in thought. Rapunzel had tasked him with making the Dungeon more hospitable for prisoners, after he told her how terrible it was down there.

Being the Royal Engineer, he didn’t have the right to refuse, but he hated working on the project. He only needed to be down there for reference point, he wasn’t the one who would be carrying out the designs (thank god), but every second he was down there was like a weight pressing down on his chest. He constantly felt like he was stuck, like he wouldn’t be able to leave, and this place would be the last he would see. Not to mention the prisoners themselves. One in particular had been making the task nearly unbearable. He tried to ignore him, but the man knew exactly how to get under his skin...

He hadn’t told Rapunzel about his discomfort. It wasn’t up to him to decide which jobs he did and didn’t take on. And she’d been busy lately anyway, even though it’d been months since Zhan Tiri’s attack, they were still rebuilding. The pressure had only increased when her parents announced that they would be retiring soon, and Rapunzel would become queen.

Varian let out a breath, it’s okay, he could do this. He’d survived prison, attempted murder, all kinds of crazy magic, kidnapping, and a demon attack. He could survive this project. Besides, it wa-

Voices cut into his thoughts. Varian paused, looking to his left at a door that was slightly ajar. He weighed his options for a moment, before curiosity got the better of him. He moved to stand next to the door, leaning in to hear what the people inside were saying.

“-ust don’t know what to do, Nigel!” Varian recognized that voice as Rapunzel’s. She sounded frustrated.

“Your majesty, you already know my opinion on the matter.” Nigel’s nasally voice sounded from inside.

“I am not firing him! He’s the best person for the job and you know it! I-I just... he seems so stressed lately, and I don’t know how to help...”

“well, I’m not quite sure how to help with that, but, there is the matter of the letters.”

“We’ve already talked about the letters.”

“Princess, with all due respect, we can’t just ignore them.”

“Yes, we can! Just because a few citizens are upset that, doesn’t mean I’m going to change something that doesn’t need changing! And I want you to make sure that Varian doesn’t hear a single word about them!”

“Your highness, I-“

Varian had heard enough. He stepped into the room. “That I don’t hear a single word about what?”

Rapunzel looked up at her, eyes wide. She was unable to find words.

“The matters of the Princess are none of your concern.” Nigel said with undisguised dislike for the teen in front of him.

“They are if they involve me.” Varian said, crossing his arms.

“Varian I...” Rapunzel started “I-I can’t tell you, but trust me when I say that you’re better off not knowing.”

“Great, so now you’re keeping things from me. Rapunzel, what is this about? What are the letters?”

“I...” she looked away, biting her lip. “...Varian, please...”

“You’re still not going to tell me?! They’re about me, aren’t they?”

Rapunzel looked away, and Varian felt his face heat in anger. He clenched his fists. “Fine! Fine, you’re not going to tell me, that’s fine.”

He turned, moving to storm towards the door.

“Varian-“ Rapunzel tried

“I’ll be in my lab.” He snapped, before slamming the door behind him.

***

Varian sat at a table at his workbench, leaned back and staring at the ceiling, letting the anger wash over him. Yes, he was being unreasonable, but he was sick and tired of being treated like a child, having things be kept from him simply because whomever was in question felt like he couldn’t handle it. Having one of the only people in the world he genuinely trusted do it...

The raccoon curled up on his chest chittered next to him, pressing his furry head into Varian’s cheek in an attempt to comfort him. The fuming boy took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, raising a gloved hand to scratch the ring-tailed bandit behind the ears. Ruddiger made a sound akin to purring in reply.

His lab was nice, to his tastes at least. It was messy, but it helped add to the personality. It’d been gifted to him along with the position of Royal Engineer.

Varian looked up at the sound of the door opening. He’d been expecting Rapunzel, and was surprised when he was met with Nigel instead. Ruddiger moved to curl around Varian’s shoulder’s protectively, narrowing his eyes at the man. The man looked around the cluttered room, distain and disgust easily visible on his face. There was a stack of paper clutched in his hand.

“What do you want?” Varian asked less than politely. He really wasn’t in the mood to bother with protocol.

Nigel moved his eyes to the teen in the chair with distaste. “You wanted to know what was in the letters, so here they are.”

He tossed the stack of papers the the ground next to Varian’s chair. Varian looked from the papers to him, puzzled.

“Wha-“

“If I’m being honest, I agree with every word they say. And, frankly I think a mutt you should follow their advice.” He turned, moving back towards the door. He paused at the doorway, looking back with his eyes narrowed and lips pulled back in a sneer. “By the way, you aren’t fooling anyone with your little drag show, young lady.”

He closed the door before Varian could spit a scathing comment. Ruddiger hissed at the closed door, tail swishing. Varian closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. This wasn’t the first time someone had purposely misgendered him. It shouldn’t effect him this much.

After a moment, he mulled over the first insult he’d used... “mutt” It left a foul taste in his mouth... dehumanizing. He guess it came from the fact that his parents had both been refugees, he wasn’t even Coronian... or, at least not in most people’s eyes. But he’d been born and raised here. To say that he was belonging to any other kingdom would feel wrong. It didn’t matter anyway. He took a deep breath and stood, walking over to the pile of paper.

Ruddiger’s ears flattened against his head, letting out an anxious trill. He pawed at Varian’s face, but Varian ignored him, looking down at the paper at the top of the stack.

“Princess Rapunzel,

As a Citizen, I have stood by all your decisions as Princess and temporary queen except for one. Your decision to pardon two of the kingdom’s most dangerous criminals is something I cannot possibly fathom. At least Cassandra has left the kingdom, but to keep the traitor Varian on staff? It’s honestly horrifying to me and several others. A dangerous criminal like him should be locked in prison or dead, kept away from yourself and your people, not gifted with a position so high in rank. I sincerely hope you take my words into account.

Wishing for the best,

A troubled citizen.”

Varian knew he should stop. He knew that nothing good could come from reading more, but he pressed on, flipping the page and reading the next.

“Varian,”

That was odd. It was addressed to him, why hadn’t he received it? Was the Princess Reading his mail?

“I don’t know what you’ve done to the royal family. Whether you’ve bewitched them or used some kind of mind game, I want you to know that you don’t have everyone fooled. If I were you, I’d turn yourself in or jump off Corona bridge before people discover your true intentions. Lord knows you deserve it after what you’ve done. We’re watching you.“

Varian pressed on. Some were signed, some weren’t (although very few had names attached), some addressed to himself, some to the Princess, a handful were even addressed to the king or queen. Some (he ones that Varian assumed were from old Corona), addressed him by his old name and called him a witch. But, despite the differing methods of explaining it, they all had the same idea; Varian was  a dangerous criminal and shouldn’t be working at the castle.

When he’d finally finished reading, he sat there, numb. He closed his eyes, swallowing. He understood now why the Princess hadn’t wanted to show him. Despite acknowledging the Princess’s reasoning behind her actions, he didn’t regret reading them. Now he knew how people perceived him, now he knew that he had to be more careful.

Shakily, the ravenette stood, raising Ruddiger from where he’d been curled around Varian’s shoulders and placing him on his work chair. The small mammal trilled in worry for his human, tail swishing behind him. Varian gave his friend a small smile. (it was fake, of course, but Varian had become very skilled at making them look convincing as of late)

“It’s okay, buddy, I’m alright. I just need a minute alone... I’m going to take a walk...”

The raccoon reluctantly curled into a ball, still looking up at his human with concern as he turned, grabbed the backpack he kept with himself at all times when going out, and walked towards the door

The castle was relatively quiet, most people who usually resides here were out enjoying the beautiful day. Light filtered through the stained glass windows built into the wall. Varian had never re-adjusted to the light level of the capital. It was nicknamed the kingdom of the sun for a reason, but after the crushing darkness of the dungeon beneath his feet, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to take the brightness for granted again.

As he stepped out into the courtyard, several guards waved at him. He nervously waved back, anxiety bubbling in his chest at the sight of the uniform they wore. Eugene had given it a name... what was it? Fear of authority? That sounded right... strangely enough, Eugene was the only person in uniform that he wasn’t scared of.

He made his way through the capital, people around him going about their business. Their reactions to him were diverse, some smiled and waved, some sent glares his way, some ignored him completely. Varian kept his eyes fixed on the ground, trying to make himself small.

Eventually, he made it outside the main city. He walked across the bridge, keeping one hand on the railing. He paused in the center, eyes lingering on where he’d stood only a few months ago, looking down at the water as his form shook, trying to force himself to move forward.

He shook himself out of the memory, he was in a better place now. Sure, he still had the occasional depressive episode or panic attack, but he had been doing great considering all that had happened to him.

He stepped off the bridge, pausing a moment to decide whether he should keep going along the path or walk through the forest. He decided that the latter would be more interesting and started walking slightly to the left.

Because of Varian’s tendency to spend hours or even days locked in his room and his fascination with technology, one could guess that he wasn’t a nature person. But, in reality, the opposite was true. Varian was quite fond of the outdoors and of nature itself. He’d always been better with animals than he was with people, and a walk through the forest had always been his second favorite way to calm himself down (the first being alchemy, but even the idea itself was tiring to him at the moment). He sighed, closing his eyes and letting the sounds and feelings of the forest wash over him.

He wasn’t upset. The people who wrote the letters were justified on their feelings. He’d attacked the kingdom, tried to kill its leaders, been sent to prison, escaped with a Saporian terrorist, and taken over the kingdom. Then, in what must have seemed like the blink of an eye to them, Rapunzel had returned, completely pardoned him for everything he’d done, and been rewarded with a position of high honor. No wonder they were suspicious of him.

No, he wasn’t upset that multiple of them had told him to kill himself, or that he should be back in the prison he now hated with every fiber of his being.

He definitely wasn’t.

As for Rapunzel, he wasn’t angry at her. He knew her. She could be scarily protective when she needed to be, and she saw it as her duty to keep Varian safe. Emotionally and physically. He had no right to be angry that she’d read his mail, kept something as big as this from him, and still hadn’t fired that good-for-nothing advisor.

Since his recovery, he’d learned to keep all negative emotions under lock and key. Especially anger, now that he knew how quickly it could spiral out of control. So he knew that that definitely wasn’t what he was feeling as he walked deeper and deeper into the thickening trees.

It was precisely thirteen seconds after the teen decided that he was under no circumstances angry at Corona, its people, or its Princess, that he found himself falling.