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dino-boyo-agere · 2 years ago

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30 days of AgeRe!!

Saw it on @'s page n decided to do it to!

I hope I'll remember to upload it on Christmas hehe

It kinda just came natural to me, I realized I often felt small, when I fell on hard times and upon looking it up, I found out about the community <3

My little age mostly varies between 3 to 6 years, but sometimes I am older (up to 12)

Kind of.. I have papa but he is really bad at speaking English (we are German) and when I'm little I tend to talk English... I often go completely nonverbal too, that doesn't help winter though. He also lives far away, so I am kinda looking for an English speaking online cg, but I'm really bad at keeping contact.

Uh, I don't know.. It really depends on my mood. I really liked ke to be alone sometimes and other days I just want to cuddle all day. I would really love to go on a playdate though!!

Yes, I haven lots! Sippy cups, Pacies, lil clothes, cute nappies, lot's of toys & plushies, etc.

No, I don't. I think pet regression is super cute (and very valid) though!

Little me is fairly similar to big me, but I'm even more shy when small and generally scared of many more things. I also often go nonverbal and I stim way more.

Both! Coloring when I'm smaller and drawing when I'm a bigger kid.

I talked to @numblittlebug02, @pupslittlespace2 , @sfwregressionfanfictions, @honeyspiders10, & @bootlegmothman420 and they all seem really nice. I also really like @my-lil-playhouse, @babblingbabybrookie, @nostalgic-woodwind, @syd-agerekiddo and @tinyaractus

I'm getting better at controlling it! In the beginning I didn't even know how to voluntary regress, it only happened when I wasn't doing well (mentally and/or physically). I now do know how to become tiny and can plan little time when I need it. I sometimes still regress involuntary though, mostly when I'm overstimulated or sick (physically sick or in a bad mental space)

I just googled what Age Dreaming is and: Yes, all the time!

Yes, I do regress in many of my dreams.

Mac and Cheese and PB&J sandwiches

Yes!! I have way to many..

Yes, most of my friends and my family know. Some get it, others don't really understand but everyone accepts me and my Regression. I've only regressed Infront one of my friends though, she just rolled with it (she's the mom friend)

Hmm, I really like Buddy, Kiddo and Silly.. And I absolutely melt when someone calls me Darling or Sweetheart

Being called Darling or Sweetheart, bubble baths, coloring & crafting, aswell as specific YouTubers, Movies and Shows I watched as a kid. (And the former mentioned triggers of my involuntary regression)

Depends, sometimes not so much, I often struggle to stay regressed bc of my anxiety. I get scared that ppl think I'm weird or annoying.

I feel very safe in the community but sometimes other regressors can be very judgemental and jump to conclusions.. I got cast out and blocked by whole groups because they 'found out' I wear nappies (I'm really open about that) and immediately ostracized me, because they thought I was ABDL.. I am incontinent bc of a birth defect, I have to wear diapers 24/7 and when I'm small, I like to wear cute and colorful ones! I am not an ABDL. Besides, people can be ABDL when their big and still be valid in their Age Regression, as long as they seperate the two things they should still be allowed in the community. Age Regressors are still just as valid, when they have NSFW interests while big.. One thing has nothing to do with the other, imo. (Just keep them separated!)

Yes, lot's!! Especially ones about my comfort characters and I like ffs where the little!reader is interacting with comfort characters. I also write ffs, I haven't posted them yet though.

Yes but I despise being tickled. It makes me really uncomfortable one I feel very unsafe when someone does it. It's a big trigger for me, generally, I don't like physical contact unless I initiate it.

Argyle from stranger things, I think.. Eddie Munson is currently my No. 1 comfort character, but I think Argyle would still be the best fit for me when it comes to being a cg. (Though he would have to stop smoking pod, drug use is also a big trigger for me bc of trauma). Derek Morgan from Criminal Minds would also be amazing, I think, bc he would probably know how to handle my meltdowns and he's so loving.

I really want one of those hanging chairs, that can swing and it should be really big like a huge birds nest. And dinosaurs everywhere!!!

Yes! I like going on space missions and visiting the Jurassic Park.

Trauma, aswell as Stress relief.

Yes, I partially listen to the same music (exception of really sad & violent lyrics and songs with to many bad words). I also really like instrumentals, classical music and lofi beats when I'm tiny. So I listen to a wild mix.. (Cavetown, Bethoven, frad, game soundtracks, etc.)

No.

Shy, skittish, quiet but can be very playful and upbeat when I feel safe.

I think I might have the tendency to get into a cg type headspace, when I'm with someone who seems small. I feel more like a big brother/ sibling or maybe babysitter though, I think.

I'm really happy to be part of this community and I hope to make lots of friends <3

#agere community #sfw agere #sfw interaction only #sfw #age regression #age regressor #agere #age regression community #agere boy

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voxmortuus · 4 years ago

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Hello!!! I saw your follower drabble event, is it possible I could ask for a drabble still? If I can, could I have Hannibal x reader? I want reader to unintentionally regress in age mentally and emotionally. Hannibal notices and takes advantage, wanting to explore reader's regression, like slowly getting reader to be completely dependent on hom for everything. They can become incontinent (he forces this somehow) and he convinces them to wear diapers etc. Maybe even get them to use a pacifier instead of chewing nails, bottle feed reader when they forget to eat, just ideas. You don't have to write this, I know agere (age regression) is an odd topic, no hard feelings! Please and thank you if you write this!! Have a good day 🥰

PAIRING: Hannibal x Age Regression!Fem!Reader

UNIVERSE: Hannibal

WORDS: 000

SUMMARY/PROMPT: See above <3

Trigger Warning(s): Overwhelming Feelings | Age Regression | PLEASE TELL ME IF I FORGOT ANYTHING!!! I want to make sure readers are fully aware of what they are getting themselves into when they read this…

NOTE: Sorry if this isn't what you expected, I'm hoping this finds you well love!

IMAGE CREDIT: Google I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP OF THESE IMAGES. If these are yours or you know who the creator(s) is please INBOX me and let me know. Thank you.

My Master Masterlist | Hannibal Masterlist | Taglist

REQUESTS: 500 FOLLOWER EVENT REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN UNTIL AUGUST 15TH!

The last time you had seen Hannibal, he had gotten you to regress to an almost toddler-like state. You had a bit of an accident in his office, and so somehow, he had convinced you to pack a diaper bag, a bag with odds and ends, but just your size. Looking down at your bag and let out a soft sigh. Packed in the bag were a pacifier, sippy cup, adult diapers, your favorite teddy bear, and a few other odds and ends ready to be put to use.

You had no idea how he did this, but you always left feeling better- you left feeling safe, feeling like you could conquer anything. Pulling into his house, you get out and look over the door before letting out a heavy breath walking in. You set your bag down and let out a breath.

Hannibal smiles and nods his head. "Good afternoon, Y/N."

"Good afternoon, Dr. Lecter." You respond.

"I have a special place for you. Come with me. Oh, and bring your bag." He tells you.

The perplexed look on your face searches for his calm one. Looking over his features, you relax a bit. Following him down the hall and around a corner, you step in. Looking around, it's a room, specifically for age regression therapy, but you felt like it was special just for you. You take in a deep breath, and he looks at you.

"I want you to go get changed into what you brought with you. We can't risk another accident today." He gives a kind smile.

You nod your head, and he leaves the room for you to get changed. After taking some time to look around, you settle yourself on the floor and just cry. You feel small- you feel open and exposed. You grab your teddy bear and sniffle.

Hearing you cry, he walks in and kneels down next to you, wiping your nose and your eyes- he smiles. "Good job. I want you to do what comes naturally. Make sure you have your sippy cup. I have some snacks for you. Take your time." Before he leaves, he places your paci in your mouth and grabs some snacks out of the drawer that is locked and heads to his next appointment.

You feel this overwhelming feeling of everything just washing away. You play with your toys, your blocks, your dolls, you snack on some of the puffs he gave you, and you lose yourself in the moment.

His next appointment wasn't that long, but with how overwhelming everything was you had fallen asleep. He gives you a smile, covers you up, and notices you had drank all of your cup. He pulls out a nappi for you and what is needed for change.

When you wake up you look over and see him and the items sitting there. "I will help you, I will also be driving you home. You are to slowly come out of this, take your time. You will call me the moment you come out of it." He gives a solid nod and a firm tone.

You nod your head and let out a soft breath.

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nostalgiabones · 5 years ago

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Babysitting // Adoption AU

I started writing this MONTHS ago and finally got around to finishing it! A blurb featuring the guys babysitting Bella for the first time, as well as a surprise at the end 👀 as always, I’d love to know your thoughts on this! Please let me know here if you have any feedback 🥺 Also! I’m going to plan part four of the fic soon, and made this Google Form to take any ideas that you have for the next one! So let me know if you do ♥️

Word count: 3.3k

“Are you sure she’s going to be okay?”

Luke had asked the same question at least four times that morning. You were sure his nervousness had rubbed off onto Bella, as she had been toddling around after him all day so far — wherever Luke had been, Bella hadn’t been far behind.

“No,” You replied honestly, unsure about how Bella would react to being in her uncles care for the afternoon. It was the first time you and Luke were venturing out alone since Bella joined your family, and it felt a little odd to be going out without her, but you and Luke needed some time to yourselves. “But we have to leave the house at some point, babe. It’s just a few hours, we can come back if she needs us.”

You were going to your favourite restaurant, far away enough to feel as though you were going somewhere different but close enough that you could be home quickly if anything went wrong. You were leaving Bella in the capable hands of her uncles, along with Harper and Noah. She had spent enough time around them to know them well and feel comfortable enough to have them take care of her — although you had no idea how she would feel about not seeing you or Luke for a few hours.

“Are you going to leave at some point today?” Michael appeared behind you in the hall, a tiny, sleepy Noah curled up on his chest, snoozing after a feed. It was clear that Bella still wasn’t sure about the new addition to the family, never wanting to be too close to him — it never stopped her from getting her cuddles from Michael though.

“I don’t want to say goodbye.” Luke pouted, peering into the lounge where Bella was playing with Harper — the usual sight when the two of them were together. “What if she gets sad?”

“Stop doubting our uncle abilities.” Michael replied, patting Noah’s babygrow covered back to keep him asleep as he spoke to his bandmate. “She’s going to be fine. We’ll call if we need anything.”

Bella appeared in the doorway as you prepared to leave.

“We’re gonna be fine, aren’t we Bells?” Michael placed his hand on her head softly, running his hand through her curls as he took in the scene in front of her.

“Go bye bye?” Bella asked, a confused pout on her face as she realised you were about to leave the house, the front door being the place where she’d usually say goodbye to anyone leaving the house. “Me coming.”

“No, baby.” You knelt down in front of her, taking her small hand in yours as she looked at you in confusion. “Me and dad are going out for a little while, okay? You’re staying here with your uncles. We’ll be back soon.”

“Why?” She asked, sadly. It made Luke’s heart ache as he listened. Another new thing she had picked up since turning two — questioning everything that was happening. Luke had lost track of the amount of times he’d told her it was bedtime, to be met with many questions about why she had to go to bed.

“So you can have fun with Harper!” You replied, hoping to get her excited about the prospect of spending the afternoon with them, rather than being sad. “You can play so many games, then tell me and dad all about it later.”

She didn’t seem convinced by your answer as Luke pulled on his jacket, trying to remember what he needed to tell the guys before leaving. Michael was the best one to tell, since he was successfully raising one child and had just started to raise another. He wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. Not that Ashton and Calum would, but they weren’t as confident in their babysitting abilities.

Michael had slipped back to the lounge whilst you were speaking to Bella, leaving Noah in Ashton’s capable hands for the moment so he could make sure she was okay.

“She’ll probably want a snack soon,” Luke told his bandmate, knowing she usually got hungry in the early afternoon. “Remember her nap, too. She doesn’t like napping anymore so she might not fall asleep easily but she will eventually.”

“Yeah yeah, I got it.” Michael waved a hand at Luke as if to shrug off his instructions. “You two just go and have fun, okay? Don’t worry. I’ll call you if anything goes wrong.”

“Can I have a hug, baby?” Luke knelt down and held his arms out to Bella, trying not to dwell on the sad expression on her face. It wasn’t that she thought they weren’t going to come back — more just that they were leaving to have fun without her. “I love you.”

“Bye.” She said softly, wrapping her arms around his neck as he hugged her small frame. He dropped a kiss to her cheek, letting go of her before you said goodbye to her too. Michael picked her up, setting her on his hip as she waved to you both.

“Bye guys, have fun!” Michael stood in the door as you got into the car, waving as Bella watched the two of you leave. He could tell she was feeling a little sad and confused, and wanted to cheer her up. “It’s okay, bub. They’ll be back soon. Do you want to play with Harper? Shall we play with your trains?”

She nodded against his shoulder, not resisting as he put her down to let her go and play. She sat down next to her train set, taking her favourite one and playing with it quietly. Harper was trying to interact with her, trying to get her to play how they were before — but Bella wasn’t having it.

“Bella, can I play with you again?” Harper asked her, trying to get involved with the game as Bella made no effort to let her join in.

“No, mine.” Bella replied, a stubborn pout on her lips as Harper crossed her arms and stood up to go and find Michael to tell him what had happened.

“Dad, Bella won’t let me play anymore. She’s being mean.” Harper told her dad, there being no way in her young mind that she could work out why Bella suddenly didn’t want to be her friend.

“She’s not being mean, honey. You know how you get sad when I have to go to work or on tour for a little while?” He asked, waiting until she nodded in response before continuing. “Well this is the first time Bella is feeling like this, okay? Uncle Luke and your auntie have never left her before.”

Harper seemed satisfied with the explanation, feeling sympathetic towards her pseudo cousin as she understood her sadness to an extent. She decided to play by herself for a while, hoping Bella would warm up and they could play together again when she felt better.

Michael sat on the sofa, re-claiming his sleeping son from Ashton’s arms whilst keeping an eye on Bella. She was rubbing her eyes, trying to focus on the many toy animals she had in front of her, playing quietly to herself.

It wasn’t long before she stood up, quietly walking over to Calum and resting her head on his knee, rubbing her face against the soft material of his joggers.

“Hey, Bells.” Calum ran a hand through her curls, causing a yawn to break out from her lips. “What’s going on? You okay?”

“Tired.” She replied, a sad whine in her voice as Calum made a sympathetic sound.

“You’re tired? Well, we can’t be having that, can we? Is it time for a nap?” He asked her, soft fingertips rubbing up and down her back as she looked up at her uncles.

Calum, realising he had no idea how to get her to go to sleep, suggested Michael took over whilst he held a sleeping Noah. Holding a sleeping baby was about as far as Calum’s babysitting skills went, since he didn’t actually have to do anything other than be a good pillow for his niece or nephew to sleep on. Anything beyond that was going a little far.

“I got you, come on.” Michael lifted her sleepy frame into his arms, dropping a kiss to her forehead before taking her upstairs. He remembered when Harper went through her sleep regression at Bella’s age — Michael himself felt like he went through the same thing since he didn’t get any sleep at that time either. He hoped his parenting skills wouldn’t let him down and that Bella would nap like she usually would.

The purple blinds in her bedroom helped to block out the light in the room. He sat in the rocking chair at the corner, not wanting to just put her in bed and leave her there in case she got upset. He rocked back and forth in the chair, humming under his breath to her as she wriggled in his arms.

“Down, please.” She asked, pushing her hands against his chest and trying to climb down from the chair. Maybe this would be more difficult than Michael anticipated.

“What’s wrong, bub? Don’t you want to sleep?” He asked her, keeping ahold of her so she didn’t slip out of the chair and fall. She managed to wriggle free though, landing on wobbly feet, trying to escape nap time. He wasn’t ready to give up on her nap yet. He recognised a sleepy toddler when he saw one, and Bella definitely was one.

She shook her head, mumbling another stubborn “no” and making her way to her bedroom door. Michael followed her, wanting to keep an eye on her in case she went to the stairs. She was heading that way — waiting at the top knowing she wasn’t going to get down there alone.

“You’re sure you don’t want to go to sleep? We can read one of your books.” Michael tried to reason with her, knowing her already not great mood wouldn’t be helped by missing her nap.

“Go play.” She told him, holding her arms up to him so he’d carry her downstairs. He hoped that maybe she’d play for a little longer and then decide she wanted to sleep. If not, he knew you and Luke would have your work cut out later on.

“Okay, Bella. You just tell me if you get sleepy though, okay?” He asked her, lifting her into his arms to take her back downstairs.

“Looks like someone is losing their touch, huh?” Ashton teased Michael, upon noticing him re-enter the room with Bella in his arms — not asleep. Since Harper was born, Michael had become the dad of the group — always bragging he’d be able to make any baby fall asleep within seconds.

“Not my fault she’s in a sleep regression.” Michael retorted, kissing her forehead before setting her back down. She went to sit with Harper, joining in with whatever she was doing. Petunia joined them too — flopping down behind them. Her and Bella had become best friends, now that Bella had gotten used to being around her.

They played together for a little longer, Michael distracted by changing Noah and talking to Ashton and Calum.

“Dad,” Harper called his name to get his attention. “I think Bella fell asleep.”

Michael turned around and was met with a sweet sight — Petunia happily sitting on the floor with Bella curled up against her, fast asleep. Her little hand was holding onto her, face smushed against her as she slept.

“Oh my god,” Calum chuckled, his heart melting at the sight as Michael considered letting her sleep there or moving her to where she would sleep better. Even though she looked comfortable, he knew she shouldn’t sleep in that position since it would probably hurt her neck. “That’s so cute.”

Calum pulled his phone out, snapping a few photos of the cute scene in front of them to show you and Luke later.

“C’mere, you.” Michael carefully knelt down and scooped her up into his arms, shushing her and making soothing noises as he held her to make sure she stayed asleep. “Cal, do you think you can handle letting her nap on you?”

“I think so.” Calum replied, holding his arms out for Michael to set her into. Calum wrapped his arms around her, cuddling her into his chest and rubbing her back as she got comfortable. She snuggled against his chest, her face squished against his neck — happily snoozing as he held her. “She’s like a little furnace.”

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Michael asked him, remembering when Harper used to fall asleep on him in the same way. He was glad he could experience it again with Noah. “Well, even nicer for you, since you can give her back at the end of the day.”

“Very true.” Calum replied, his hand rubbing circles on her back to keep her asleep. When first meeting Bella, and even before, he was worried that he wouldn’t get along with her or that she wouldn’t like being around them. Although it had taken a while for her to warm up to them, he couldn’t imagine their little family without her now.

Calum watched her as she slept, cuddling her in closer as she snoozed. Harper played with Ashton and Michael quietly, ensuring she didn’t wake up. He held her until she wriggled in his arms, stretching her arms out and opening her eyes.

“Hi, sleepy head.” Calum murmured to her, letting her come round for a moment before trying to talk to her more. “Did you have a good sleep? We had a good cuddle, didn’t we?”

She yawned, rubbing her eyes and looking around the room — as if she was looking for you and Luke.

“They’re not here, bubs.” Calum told her, pushing her hair away from her face. She slid off of his lap, feet landing on the floor with an “oomph” as she headed to the door. She kept calling your name, expecting you to appear from behind the door.

She made her way to the bottom of the staircase, looking upstairs. She’d clearly forgotten that you and him had gone out, and that she was in the care of her uncles and cousins.

“They went out, baby.” Michael told her, getting up to follow behind her and make sure she wouldn’t go upstairs alone. She looked at him in confusion, sporting the same pout she had done when you left the house. “They’re coming back later though.”

“No.” She shook her head, like she didn’t believe him. She looked up the stairs, and down at her feet, before looking at Michael. “Help please.”

Bella knew she wasn’t meant to go upstairs on her own — she had been told many times by you and Luke not to go up and down the stairs without supervision, since she wasn’t steady enough on her feet to do it without falling. Michael knew she was too stubborn not to go upstairs, as he knew she’d have to make sure you and Luke weren’t there before accepting that it was true.

She held her hands out to Michael, waiting until he took them and helped her go up step by step. Michael had forgotten how long it took to get anywhere with a toddler, since it had been so long since Harper had been at that stage.

As soon as they made it to the top of the stairs, she let go of his hands, making her way to your shared bedroom, like she was expecting you to be in there. She kept calling out your names, looking under your bed, followed by an “oh” when she couldn’t find you there.

“They’re not here, sweetheart.” Michael tries again, standing in the door of the room, watching her make her way around in search of the two of you. “They’re coming back soon, I promise. Do you want a snack? Or to play?”

Something Michael had learned over the past few years of being a parent was that snacks and toys could usually win any toddler over.

“No,” She whines, resting her cheek on your duvet, standing at the side of your bed. Michael isn’t sure how to approach her when she’s upset — he knows Luke has said something before about just letting her do what she needs to do to get her feelings out. However, he can’t help but just want to comfort her when she seems so sad.

“Do you want a hug?” He asks her, kneeling in front of her, opening his arms. She thinks about it for a moment, turning her face to look at him, before moving away from the bed and wrapping her arms around his neck. She climbs into his lap for a cuddle, and Michael wraps his own arms around her, keeping her in his embrace. “It’s okay, Bella. I know you miss them. They’ll be right back.”

“Sad,” She whines, her little voice making Michael’s heart ache as he listened to her. He offered to take care of Bella for a night, to give you more time to yourselves, but Luke said she wasn’t ready. Michael now understands why. You and Luke had worked hard with Bella to get her to express her emotions the best she can; meaning sometimes she’d just come out with random words on how she was feeling.

“You’re sad? I’m sorry, honey. What can we do to make you happy, huh?” Michael replies, rubbing his fingertips up and down her back. “Do you want to go and play?”

He’s cut off by the sound of a key in the front door, and his ears perk up at the noise.

“Who is that, Bella? Who’s here?”

She squeals excitedly in his lap as he stands with her in his arms, knowing it would be faster and easier to carry her downstairs than to get down herself. She babbles on his hip, a mixture of excited squeals and words he can’t understand.

“There she is!” Luke calls out, closing the front door behind him. Although the two of you had only been gone for a few hours, it had felt like much longer. He was anxious to know how Bella had coped without you both.

“Who’s that?” Michael asks her, reaching the bottom of the stairs and setting her down, waiting until she’s steady on her feet before letting go of her hands.

“Daddeee!” She exclaims, running on wobbly feet to wrap her arms around his legs. The atmosphere in the room drops for a moment when everybody realises what she just said — Ashton and Calum joining them in the hallway at the sound. “Up!”

“Wait, she… she hasn’t said that before, has she?” Michael asks, knowing he hasn’t heard her say it before.

“No!” You reply, tears lining your eyes as Luke picks Bella up, cuddling her into his chest. “She hasn’t said that whilst we’ve been gone, has she?”

Michael shakes his head, the moment warming his heart as he knows how much it means to Luke. He remembers the first time Harper said dad and how much it meant to him, how amazing it felt — so he knows how special this is for Luke.

“Hi, baby,” Luke greets her, his lips brushing her forehead as he tries not to burst into tears in front of everyone. Just like when she called you mum for the first time, she doesn’t understand the weighting of what she said — in her mind, she’s just happy that he’s home. To Luke, it’s the word he’s been waiting to hear since the day he met Bella, one he’s wanted to hear since you first talked about adopting. It means the world to him. “What did you call me just then, huh? Who am I?”

“Daddy,” She murmurs, the word muffled by his hoodie, but it was clear enough for him to hear. She cuddles into him, her face pressed against his neck. He can tell she’s not long been awake from her nap, always seeming to want him when she’s first woken up. He’s elated that he gets to spend this special moment with her, you, and the guys too.

“That’s right, honey.”

***

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little-ange1 · 5 years ago

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okay! now that i am no longer small! i figure i should introduce myself! hi! it is lovely to meet you all! my name is angel ♡

i am the current host of the sun system! the alter that previously ran this account was malin, as you all know and love. they have taken a step back from front due to stressors occurring in our day to day life, which i think they touched on in the current pinned post?

so! in saying that! i am the new host! i am going to be running this account from now on and i can't wait to meet all of you lovelies ♡

it's crazy to think that malin had gotten over 600 followers in their absence! thank you all so much! but. sadly that means a lot of nsfw and other blogs that violated our dni have followed. i am currently working on blocking all of them so as to keep you little ones safe!

i would like to have you all know! i am most likely going to be more active on the side blog malin had created for caregiving! @/lovely-carer, seeing as to how i am unable to regress often and i still want to be active with you all! i am also a caregiver so i am excited to pick back up where they left off and being more active on that blog!

they are slowly healing from some recent events, but i would like to let you all know, they are okay and are in the good hands of our caretaker nadine!

that being said! i am going to be posting a google form regarding the content you all would like to see from me in the upcoming weeks! this could be including original posts centering around caregiver concepts, tips for age regressors, recipes to be made whether you have a caregiver or not, and lots of other things! i will work on having that form out by the end of today!

i can't wait to get to know you all! have an amazing day, loves ♡♡♡

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lil-ichigo-bunny · 4 years ago

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hii!! um so like i wannt just make this acc to express myself ykk because i can’t quite do it while still living at home,, do you have any advice on how i could run the account to stay safe nd also bc in new to this ?

i juss wanna stay clear of bad stuff and not cause trouble ykk

Hi kiddo! I feel you on this one. It’s very difficult to be small while staying with others that don’t know about agere (age regression).

I’m assuming by staying safe you mean from icky people- My advice for this is when you’re in a bigger headspace block any tags that could trigger or upset you! I personally blocked tags that had to deal with my dni (ex: cg/l, and other k!nk tags). If you don’t know how to block tags you can quickly google “how to block tags on tumblr” and it’ll tell you what to do! I can also give you a list of tags to block that can keep you safer, if you would like just dm me. I also suggest: do not cross tag agere with any k!nk tags (ex: littlespace, I think the sfw/kiddo friendly tag is littlexspace or smallspace). From what I saw currently on your blog your tags seem perfectly fine!

Other things that might help keep you safer is having a dni banner on your posts (ex: at the bottom of this post I’ll add mine!) and maybe in your bio. Block anyone who disrespects your dni. Unfortunately there isn’t a way to keep the icky people 100% away...

You could also (if you’re really scared/get upset) you can always set your blog up to be more private. In the settings you can make it so :only people who you follow can dm you, no anonymous asks (will probably discourage certain meanies from interacting, but other regressors might be shy and not use your asks). There’s also an option to keep your blog from showing up in the search- it’ll probably keep you a little safer but you won’t get as much interaction from other kiddos.

I hope this helps somewhat- I’m no expert on these types of things. Other in the agere community probably also have posts on this sort of thing that you could check out or ask around like you did me. And just remember to have fun! I hope you can be yourself outwardly soon kiddo!!

Btw I doubt you’ll start any trouble as long as you don’t cross tag and respect people’s do not interacts.

If you need anymore help or have questions once again you can dm me! I’ll try to help the best I can 😄

#.jaibabbles #.jaisaskbox #/bfroggie #.bigsibjai

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lovehaswonangelnumbers · 5 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/the-new-frequency-is-changing-everything/

The New Frequency is Changing Everything

By Hare in the Moon Astrology

Wednesday July 8 2020

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now I know better, I do better” Maya Angelou

A heads up! This new frequency is changing everything all at once -changing all of us from the Inside Out and also from Outside In. It’s like nothing we’ve ever experienced before and, if you’re not seeing the big picture time-line of December 21st 2020 and well beyond, it could feel regressive, de-evolutionary and literally dispiriting.

From August 2020 to December 21 2020, we are in the eye of the storm … passing through the eye of the needle … from what was, to what is, to what is to become….

This is what liminality-the Zero Point Zone -feels like…. A sense of being on the verge of something along with a feeling of disorientation in the middle stage of a rite of passage

The Energy Cocktail Ingredients:

The triple eclipse tunnel is still active until the Cancer New Moon on July 20th……..the eclipse dust is still swirling around us and the repercussions will ripple on knocking down the dominos personally and politically until the next round of eclipses in November and December

This is an extended retrograde back to the future trip- remember that I wrote it will be like dancing backwards in high heels? For the next 10 weeks, a retrograde triple conjunction of change agents Saturn/Pluto/Jupiter in late Capricorn will never be less than 8 degrees apart- all squaring Disruptor Eris. Now factor in that Neptune, Chiron, Uranus and Eris will also be retrograde right through the Autumn.

All the ghosts of the past are catching up with us and there’s nowhere to run or hide anymore. The inconvenient truths are not going anywhere. With Pluto at it very heart, this is not superficial change but truly radical -root and branch. It’s all about Matter, tangible, practical reality, building strong roots and foundations – the underpinnings of a new life that has yet to reveal itself.

In this next Wave sweeping the Event Horizon – the 2021-2043 Great Aquarian Transformation – transparency, authenticity and openness are going to be critical. This is not wishful New Age thinking but the only safe way to thrive.

Put your relationships and your health at the top of your agenda Keep your life simple – strip away anything inessential Eliminate and let go of anything no longer true for you Clean up your environment Resist the urge to hide away – Pluto can be separative and isolating Show up + refuse to feel powerless Find psychologically fearless friends willing to listen Don’t try and control circumstances and people – it will backfire Get physically active to move the energy through you and ground it No cutting corners – superficial won’t work, it will rebound

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mostlysignssomeportents · 6 years ago

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Adblocking: How about nah?

For more than a decade, consumer rights groups (including EFF) worked with technologists and companies to try to standardize Do Not Track, a flag that browsers could send to online companies signaling that their users did not want their browsing activity tracked. Despite long hours and backing from the FTC, foot-dragging from the browser vendors and outright hostility from the big online media companies mean that setting Do Not Track in your browser does virtually nothing to protect your privacy.

Do Not Track grew out of widespread public concern over invasive "behavioral advertising" that relied on tracking to target ads; despite a generation of promises from the ad industry that consumers would welcome more relevant advertising, the consistent result has been that users are freaked out by "relevant" ads because they understand that relevancy is synonymous with privacy invasion. Nothing is so creepy as ads for a product you looked into earlier following you from site to site, then from app to app, as you are tracked and retargeted by a desperate vendor's algorithm.

Internet users didn't take this situation lying down. They wanted to use the Web, but not be tracked, and so they started to install ad-blockers. A lot of ad-blockers, and more every year.

Ad-blockers don't just stop users from seeing ads and being tracked (and indeed, some ad-blockers actually track users!). They can also stop the publishers and marketers who rely on tracking and ad-clicks from earning money. Predictably, industry responded with ad-blocker-blockers, which prevented users from seeing their sites unless they turned off their ad-blocker.

You'll never guess what happened next.

Actually, it's obvious what happened next: users started to install ad-blocker-blocker-blockers.

The Biggest Boycott in History

The rise and rise of ad-blockers (and ad-blocker-blocker-blockers) is without parallel: 26% of Internet users are now blocking ads, and the figure is rising. It’s been called the biggest boycott in human history.

It's also something we've seen before, in the earliest days of the Web, when pop-up ads ruled the world (wide web), and users went to war against them.

In 1994, Hotwired (the defunct online adjunct to Wired magazine) displayed the first banner ad in Internet history. Forty-four percent of the people who saw that ad clicked on it. At the time, it felt like advertising had taken a great leap, attaining a conversion rate that bested print, TV, direct mail, or display advertising by orders of magnitude.

But it turned out that the click-rate on that Hotwired ad had more to do with novelty than any enduring persuasive properties of banner ads. Even as Web companies were raising millions based on the fabulous performance of early ads, the efficacy of those ads was falling off a cliff, with clickthrough rates plummeting to low single digits.

This created a desperate situation, where publishers needed to do something -- anything -- to goose their clickthrough rates.

Enter the Pop-Up Ad

That's when Ethan Zuckerman—then an employee at Tripod—invented the pop-up ad (he has since apologized). These ads spawned in new windows and were much harder to ignore—for a while. Human beings' response to stimulus tends to regress to the mean (the refrigerator hum gets quieter over time because you adapt to it, not because the decibel level decreases) and so pop-up ads evolved into ever-more virulent forms—pop-under ads, pop-ups with fake "close" boxes, pop-up ads that respawned, pop-up ads that ran away from your mouse when you tried to close them...

At the height of the pop-up wars, it seemed like there was no end in sight: the future of the Web would be one where humans adapted to pop-ups, then pop-ups found new, obnoxious ways to command humans' attention, which would wane, until pop-ups got even more obnoxious.

But that's not how it happened. Instead, browser vendors (beginning with Opera) started to ship on-by-default pop-up blockers. What's more, users—who hated pop-up ads—started to choose browsers that blocked pop-ups, marginalizing holdouts like Microsoft's Internet Explorer, until they, too, added pop-up blockers.

Chances are, those blockers are in your browser today. But here's a funny thing: if you turn them off, you won't see a million pop-up ads that have been lurking unseen for all these years.

Because once pop-up ads became invisible by default to an ever-larger swathe of Internet users, advertisers stopped demanding that publishers serve pop-up ads. The point of pop-ups was to get people's attention, but something that is never seen in the first place can't possibly do that.

How About Nah?

The Internet is full of take-it-or-leave-it offers: click-through and click-wrap agreements that you can either click "I agree" on or walk away from.

As the online world has grown more concentrated, with more and more power in fewer and fewer hands, it's become increasingly difficult for Web publishers to resist advertisers' insistence on obnoxious tracking ads.

But Internet users have never been willing to accept take-it-or-leave-it as the last word in technological self-determination. Adblockers are the new pop-up blockers, a way for users to do what publishers can't or won't do: demand a better deal from advertisers. When you visit a site, the deal on offer is, "Let us and everyone we do business with track you in every way possible or get lost" and users who install adblockers push back. An adblocker is a way of replying to advertisers and publishers with a loud-and-clear "How about nah?"

Adversarial Interoperability

Adversarial interoperability occurs when someone figures out how to plug a new product or service into an existing product or service, against the wishes of the company behind that existing product or service.

Adblocking is one of the most successful examples of adversarial interoperability in modern history, along with third-party printer ink. When you visit a website, the server sends your browser a bunch of material, including the code to fetch and render ads. Adblockers throw away the ad parts and show you the rest, while ad-blocker-blocker-blockers do the same, and then engage in an elaborate technological game of cat-and-mouse in a bid to fool the server into thinking that you are seeing the ads, while still suppressing them.

Browsers have always been playgrounds for adversarial interoperability, from the pop-up wars to the browser wars. Thanks to open standards and a mutual disarmament rule for software patents among browser vendors, it's very hard to use the law to punish toolsmiths who make adblocking technologies (not that that's stopped people from attempting it).

Adversarial interoperability is often a way for scrappy new upstarts to challenge the established players—like the company that got sued by IBM's printer division for making its own toner cartridges and grew so big it now owns that printer division (!).

But adversarial interoperability is also a way for the public to assert its rights and push back against unfair practices. Take-it-or-leave it deals are one thing when the market is competitive and you can shop around for someone with better terms of service, but in highly concentrated markets where everyone has the same rotten deal on offer, adversarial interoperability lets users make a counteroffer: "How about nah?"

But for How Long?

Concentration in the tech industry—including the “vertical integration” of browsers, advertising networks, and video content under one corporate umbrella—has compromised the Internet's openness. In 2017, the World Wide Web Consortium published its first-ever "standard" that could not be fully implemented without permission from the giant tech and media companies (who have since refused that permission to anyone who rocks the boat). In publishing that standard, the W3C explicitly rejected a proposal to protect adversarial interoperability by extracting legally binding nonaggression promises from the companies that make up the consortium.

The standard the W3C published—Encrypted Media Extensions (EME), for restricting playback of video—comes with many dangers for would-be adversarial interoperators, notably the risk of being sued under Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which bans tampering with “access controls” on copyrighted works and holds out both criminal and civil liability for toolsmiths who traffic in programs that let you change the rules embodied by EME.

One driving force behind the adoption of EME was the ever-tighter integration between major browser vendors like Google, video distributors, and advertising networks. This created a lopsided power-dynamic that ultimately ended up in the standardization of a means of undoing the configurable Web—where the user is king. EME is the first crack in the wall that protected browsers from those who would thwart adversarial operability and take "how about nah?" off the table, leaving us with the kind of take-it-or-leave-it Web that the marketing industry has been striving for since the first pop-up ad.

(Crossposted from EFF Deeplinks)

https://boingboing.net/2019/07/25/largest-boycott-in-history.html

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jj-knox-blog · 6 years ago

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A N O L D W O U N D

"You're not going to cry are you?" she asked, eyes darting nervously around the bustling diner. I choke back tears and smile wanly. The plastic menus between us remained unopened and sticky with syrup.

"Too late, Mom," I warn her "Just talking about it feels heavy."

"-Hello! What can I get you ladies to drink?" The waitress interrupts us then. Our heads turned up in unison, momentarily distracted by a young girl who's exhausted gaze does not match the cheerful Holiday quote on her bright red t-shirt. "Be Good For Pancake Sake!" The elf on her shirt exclaims.

"Coffee." We chorused, a reflex.

"And water for the food." I threw in with a grateful smile. She nodded and continued on her route, making a beeline for the kitchen.

"So you were saying," Mom pressed, "You want to get Regressed. Why? What's going on?" I swallowed and looked at her, the thought alone makes my hands cold with nerves.

"You know how you always say I was abandoned in another life?" She nodded and leaned forward, eyes alight with curiosity, "Well, I don't think I was abandoned. I think I'm the one who abandoned someone."

"Really?" She leaned back, thrown by the sudden change in our life-long theory, "And who did you abandon?"

"My son," I said, my voice thick with emotion. Before I could stop it, two tears fell past my eyelashes, quick and hot.

"How do you know?"

The girl returned then, two small mugs dangling between her fingertips, a pot of coffee balanced on her open palm. In her other hand was a small ceramic bowl, overflowing with creamer and sugar. I wipe my tears away hastily and help settle everything down.

"I'll give you two a minute," she mumbles, eyeing our unopened menus. Together, my mom and I set to work immediately- three sugars and one creamer for her the remaining mountain of condiments for me.

"I have this...memory of a young boy's shoulder blades. He's facing away from me and I am leaving him. I don't know why I'm leaving but I know that I have to. It was the right thing to do."

I'm crying again, the words falling from my mouth like therapy.

"The other day I was driving back from Crossfit and it hit me. I tried to block it but I guess I was so physically drained that I couldn't hold it back anymore. Next thing I know, I'm sobbing- the same picture in my head. I apologized then to the little boy, out loud in the car by myself. Over and over I said the words 'I'm so sorry but I had to.' It was crazy. I've never felt anything like that before..."

"Holy shit." Mom said, settling a hand over her mug to keep the warmth trapped in the confines of the porcelain. "And you think Past Life Regression can help you with that?"

"I know it will. I need to release this. I feel it there, a pressure always building. Like an old wound that I can't heal because-"

"Because you don't have the right tools. I understand." she finished.

I nodded and leaned forward on my elbows.

"Okay," she said, springing into action, "I'll do it with you. I get the same feeling every time I drive over one of those bridges on the expressway. In another life, I fell off that thing and died in a car crash for sure."

I watch my mom scroll through google in search of a Hypnotherapist near us and the knot in my chest loosens. Then I look down at the coffee mug in my hand and realize I'm starving.

"Now, where the fuck is this waitress? I already know what I want."

"Me too." She chimes in.

#jjknox #jjknoxtellsastory #photography #dinerphotography #deepcoversationsovercoffee #pastlife #anoldwound #pastliferegression #pictureswithastory #coffee #coffeephotography #ihop #my mom is the best

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orenonahaichigoda · 6 years ago

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About Me, and Some Things to Know About (Being Queer in) Japan

日本語でどうぞ。

とは言っても、より多くの人数が読めるように、以下を英語で書きます。

Se habla Español.

30s/trans male/California.

Grew up in Koube. Left in the early '90s for NYC. (Then left there because Giuliani ruined everything)

WHEN THE TRANS TALK STARTED IN JAPAN:

If I had stayed just a*little bit* longer, I probably would have learned that trans men exist, too, and so does hormone therapy. Activist-polititian Kamikawa Aya took her activism to NHK news spots shortly after I left. My grandparents listened to nothing else. (My dad was either NHK or Yomiuri, and I watched Asahi, the latter two not sure if they're national or only Oosaka-Koube broadcast region, but whatever) I mention this because it would be very easy for Ichigo to learn enough to figure it out before high school. And everyone's grandparents watch NHK, And a lot of parents, too. It's like BBC in Britain. PBS is the closest to an American analogue that exists, but the point is public advocacy for trans people became a thing in 1995, so it's not too hard to imagine someone born in the '80s would have enough information to figure it out early in life. Japan was a couple decades ahead of America on that.

FAIR NOTICE ABOUT MY SPANISH:

I'm mixed Japanese and Italian, I picked up Spanish to communicate with my new friends when I came to America. It's not native or anything, no relatives spoke it, and do expect some mixed words from different dialects.

Si estamos escribiendo en Español y se confunden mis palabras, siempre me puede pedir. Por ejemplo, ya sé que la palabra "la bodega" significa cosas diferentes entre Español Puertorriqueño y Español Mexicano.

PAIRING THREADS:

I'm essentially aroace. That doesn't mean I'm not totally down for *well-thought-out* ships. That's not my sole purpose here, but I do welcome it. Well-thought-out is the qualifier, though. And I don't get anything out of PWP, either. I'm only writing all this because I know a fair amount of RP strays into X rated. Shipping, yes, PWP, no.

ETERNAL DISCLAIMER:

My info about Japan varies, but a lot of it may be out of date. I was kinda cut off after leaving until I came to CA, and now more connected with the Web, but anything I say can carry the risk of being up to a few decades out of date.

BEING TRANS IN THE JAPANESE SPEAKING WORLD:

That being said, I can definitely say that while berserko right-wingers, who tend not to leave Japan, as trump voters tend not to leave the US, might be different, know when writing with me that being trans tends not to be a big deal among Japanese people. Now, IN Japan, yes, you'll have to deal with the right-wing Japanese, and in school, kids will pick on each other for anything--kids will pick for someone not liking the "right" bands, but among more progressive Japanese, like the Shin-Issei that I've been around since coming out, telling someone you're trans is not gonna cause fire to rain down on your head. It's gonna be the conservative/regressive bunch that'll be misgendering and all that. Trans kids will get bullied, there will be some also coming from conservative adults, but it doesn't make sense when writers juxtapose 1980s America on Japan.

HOMOPHOBIA AND "YAOI"/"YURI":

Which reminds me, you all have probably seen a lot of "yaoi." Here's the thing: it's gay fetish for straight consumption. Why do you think one guy is always "manly" and the other's "womanly"? It's a homophobic genre. "Yuri" is used for both that kind of thing and actual stuff by and for lesbians, but it's exactly like all those straight men googling"lesbian porn" on RedTube. To this extent, I'd probably need an extra amount of back and forth for shipping with a male character of a female mun. I'm not gonna rule it out, but I'm gonna be a little picky there. Not so much with any other gender. Most NB people I've met tend to really get this kind of thing, although it's a small number that I've met.

ABSOLUTE RULE:

Also, if you wanna play in Japanese, こうして日本語で書くんだ。*全部を* If you can't do that, write in English or Spanish. I've gotten my face punched in for legit broken English. It's not a "cute aesthetic uwu."

HOMOPHOBIA IN JAPAN:

There's a lot of... homophobia came with Admiral Perry for the most part, and it's...gay is not called evil or anything, but it's also difficult to actually *walk down the street holding hands with another man.* I can't speak on it too much, because I only started dating until after high school when I was already here. It's definitely not Regan's America, but it's also not free of homophobia. Unfortunately, I can't quite say how it is.

OTHER ABSOLUTE RULE:

But I also...it really grates my nerves when I see m/m shipping fic throwing around the word "sin" like it's the best thing ever to call queer people. It's not. It's the worst thing ever.

JAPANESE GEOGRAPHY/"KARAKURA TOWN":

One thing that non-Japanese speaking fans of Bleach always miss is what a town is in Japan. So, let's set this up with one a bit south of where I lived that has "town" in its name. Ninomiya Town is in Central Ward of Koube City, which is in Hyougo Province, which is in Japan. There're more divisions, but those are the ones you need to send a letter. It's kinda like how Compton and Wilmington are both in Los Angeles, as in part of the city. Karakura is an imaginary town in Tokyo. I'd say it's like having an American comic set in a place called Lawndale, except THERE IS ACTUALLY A TOWN CALLED THAT. It's one of L.A.'s suburban nearby towns.

NOT A RULE, BUT SOMETHING I DO ASK:

Some RPers really love to abuse the format buttons. I can't read stuff that looks like House of Leaves. Please don't do that with me, even if you do it with others.

Sum:

My life has not been easy. I've actually outlined two big triggers I run into a lot in this fandom (they send me into a rage): the "garnish human default English with exotic Japanese" (which is also bad writing. Look at Edgar Allan Poe. Murders in the Rue Morgue is really terrible writing in many ways, and random French thrown in is one of them) and the "hot sexy sinful gay." I'm also not sure I can handle running Ichigo through a transphobic scenario. Beyond that, I don't think I really have anything that will get my blood pressure up and you instantly blocked. I urge you to also share yours with me and others you play with.

DON'T PANIC WHEN I DON'T IMMEDIATELY REPLY. IT PROBABLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU:

Finally, I work on-call. Sometimes, I have eight days off in a row. Sometimes, I'm heading back from getting groceries, and my boss is asking if I can be in the next city over in seven minutes and work graveyard for the next eight days. When I'm at home, I have no kids, partner, roommate, or even pet goldfish. As long as writer's block stays away, I have no impediments to replying. When I find myself with long stretches of work-sleep-work, I'll be sure you know I'm gonna take time to reply. If I find myself suddenly called in, I won't be able to do it same day. If I'm having trouble proceeding the plot, I'll bounce ideas off you. Generally, you'll know what's up by the next day at latest. So don't freak out if I don't reply pronto. I'm kind of a desk jockey sort of, but in social work with severely physically ill people, so it's not exactly a job I can just be looking at the Web during. Lots of emergencies. I don't approve of goofing off at work anyway, but I do always need to have an ear out. (And I already only have one functioning one!)

"YOU LOOK FAMILIAR":

Blog username means "My name is Ichigo." It was the only thing I could think of that named it for its purpose. I've rp'd before, but that blog was attached to other ones where I drew the ire of trolls, or that shared permissions with people who turned out to be very bad people. I didn't have a whole lot on my rp blog, wasn't terribly active, so I decided to start fresh.

Feel free to ask questions!

#about mun #about rules #about Japan #about setting

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writebusofdoom · 6 years ago

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S&S: Chapter 19

Chapter 19 of S&S (Severus & Snape) is up on ao3, finally! It took way longer than I thought it would, and I’m not quite sure why other than general writer’s block. As is my new tradition, here’s my reflection on the chapter. I’ll tag these #reflections so you can blacklist if you want.

1. Favorite line:

“It wasn’t his father’s name, and that in itself would be enough, but it held a sort of aftertaste of motherly affection, like a hand on his shoulder or a note in his lunch back in primary school.”

2. Line I still don’t like:

“Only someone truly paying attention would have noticed the extra force behind those last two words, like she was pushing them out into the air between them.” - Idk, I think this is a case of having read it too much, that it sounds so contrived. I left it, because I liked it when I first wrote it, but I dithered.

3. Character that grew/changed:

Eileen Snape, definitely, which was the main struggle with this chapter. I wasn’t sure how much she SHOULD change. Severus has regressed a little bit, actually, although that’s not really apparent yet.

4. Did it go as planned? Was that good?

Not at all, my outline went out the window. Diagon Alley never figured into this chapter before it was suddenly happening. I’m glad my characters decided to go somewhere else, though, because my original plan was a little more dull and it wasn’t happening well when I tried.

5. What problems happened while writing it?

First of all, I paused a LOT. So going back to edit I ran into continuity issues and repetitive statements, which had to be fixed. Other issues included how in the world to write Eileen, because I didn’t really have a real person to base her off of. Writing outside my experience is something I’m constantly working on. Other problems: spending too much time googling traditional lunch dishes and trying to write formally. I had to have a friend make a phrase “as pretentious as possible” because I couldn’t get it right.

My update schedule has currently been abandoned, because it was stressing me out too much. So who knows when chapter 20 will happen!

#s&s #my fanfic #mine #reflections #hp

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hecallsmehischild · 6 years ago

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Musings

Disjointed paragraphs about current mental workings.

My schedule this month is weird. Husband and I road-tripped from Houston to Santa Monica in 2 days, starting off the month here. I leapfrog from here to Houston to Tennessee from 15-17, spend about a week and a half prepping for a wedding wherein I am a bridesmaid, and leapfrogging back from Tennessee to Houston to LA from 26-29. Come the last day of May, Husband and I are road-tripping back to Houston for 2 days. My time zones are going to be so out of whack by June.

I’m here in Santa Monica, attempting to cram as much visiting and hanging out into roughly 2 weeks as I humanly can. I get a very strange feeling, as I do. Like I don’t belong anymore. I catch myself on the brink of asking whoever I’m hanging out with, “Am I different?” Just feels weird.

After praying with a trusted pastor, I think that I need to stop buying the self help books. NOT AT ALL because they’re bad, they’re very good, but the REASON I am buying them is a frenzied never-again and keep-this-from-happening-in-the-future fear, and as I look at it, my fear is just binding me tighter to the person I’m trying to release and move on from. The REASON that I went into a reading frenzy is why I need to stop and not pursue this path. But I will finish reading the ones I already purchased, which are Where To Draw the Line by Anne Katherine and The New Codependency by Melody Beatte. I’m going to stop building a masterlist, too. Obsessing about this is not going to help me get free like I want to be.

I am loving my coloring journal. Especially since I picked up gel and felt pens.

I’m also loving how much reading I’m doing. I used to read a lot more than I do now. When I came off meds (about six years back) I spent all my time writing or doing art and next to NONE of it reading. It was like a backlog of creative fever that I finally got to unleash. That took several years to burn through. I wonder if that’s part of why there’s been an overall slowdown for the last year or so. Not that I am losing any love for writing, but that the backlog is depleted and I’m settling into a slightly slower pace as I balance out writing, art, reading, and, well, life.

Back home I have two or three people to touch base with and try to establish hangouts, or bring baked goods to, or do art with. I think this is a good thing. I’m nervous as I attempt to move from good acquaintance to closer friend. I’m scared of getting burned again after I’ve sunk in a lot of time, effort, and love. I’m still going to try. I’m going to try and act differently from old patterns that have proven to be bad, at least where I’m able to. I still can’t make conversation out of nothing, and sometimes there’s just nothing. But I can choose to go out instead of hide or wait for things to just happen around me. I can make things happen. I can change. Stop compensating. Stop disclaimering fifty million times. Haul back on my tongue and do not allow myself to try and “fix” something I said that suddenly sounds stupid or insulting once it’s out of my mouth because THAT IS LIKELY JUST MY OWN BRAIN’S ASSESSMENT.

Getting near to the end of Hey Spacejerk. I want to take a shot at writing out the whole ending and then parceling it out a chapter at a time. Give the buffer system a try. Maybe with Laughter Lines also. So nervous about Laughter Lines right now. Feel like I may have messed up at a few key points that are going to make it hard or stilted to pull off what I want to pull off. Considering a few side chapters in Previously On Other Peoples’ Heartache to develop a couple points of view I feel I’ve glossed over. Totally frozen on Burlap & Silk, unsure if I’ve gaffed majorly by trying to follow my old plot too closely, which is ridiculously out of character for everyone involved so at two chapters in do I rewrite what I have or just bulldoze ahead?

But the thing about all that writing insecurity is... it’s MY problem. It’s my problem, and while it’s very good to have writing friends to lean on, I realize my intention about that has also been wrong. I have been deferring decisions and I have not allowed myself to trust my own judgment and in the end I have to take responsibility for my own story. If there’s a block, that’s one thing. Brainstorming sessions are fabulous. But If I’m too scared to make the decision about where the story goes and I’m very nearly asking “permission,” that’s not okay. I need to own it, no matter how freaked out I am. I need to own it even if my decision is BAD. There are things about the Resilience Saga that I’m pretty sure I would change if I had a do-over, but I owned it through to the end and grew in my craft along the way. I need to be able to do that with the fics I have open now. I want to grow in my craft, not regress. And part of that means I can’t defer my story decisions onto other people. Whether it’s a good decision or a bad decision, it will be my decision.

I definitely missed the beach. I may hate most things about SoCal, but the beach (and walking proximity to a variety of coffee shops) is something I do miss.

I cannot believe someone loved Hey Spacejerk enough to translate it into Russian. I’m still utterly blown away by this. I’m super curious what kinds of reviews will come in (totally stalking those postings with Google Translate at the ready). Galactic Dumbass is about the best thing ever and I cannot get over it.

Yeah my brain is turning a bit to mush now. Time to wrap up and sleep. Goodnight.

#rlchild #wrestling with God #sleepy musings

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thelearningcat · 6 years ago

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Game of Thrones Thoughts Part 2: The Red Priestess and Sansa

In Part 1, I gushed a little over how much I enjoyed rewatching this series as Fiancat and I binge-watched some of it to prepare for the new season. I then requested fanfiction (with some direction on what I was and was not looking for).

Here, I want to talk about the first four seasons briefly, but mostly the Red Priestess and Sansa. There will be spoilers! First, two quick notes:

I am focusing on the first four seasons, because I have feelings about the fifth season, and we are only starting on season 6 (rewatching), which as I mentioned in the last post, is the season I have deemed “The Season in which Nothing Good Happens to Any Good Character and Everything Makes Me Sad.” To me, the writing across the first four seasons was extremely consistent, which is unsurprising considering those are the ones largely based on the books. The fifth season (at least according to my quick google search) is the first one to departure from the fiction.

That said, I should admit I’ve never read the book. I’ve had people tell me some of what is different from the books and show, but I’ve also had people who know what I like to read tell me that the writing style might not be one that interests me. I might try them out one day, but my motivation is low while the series is unfinished and may never be finished.

With all that said, my thoughts! (which are mine and mine alone. You can disagree, and I welcome arguments against the critiques I provide for the story. But if you’re a dick about it, I’m blocking you.)

Stannis: For me, going back for the first time to rewatch the first season was incredibly satisfying. I saw all the characters in a new light. I could broadly see how each character got to where they eventually go, how they change and grow or regress. I was incredibly satisfied with the introduction of every character (note #2 will briefly comment on Brienne, because she was the one other character I originally was unsatisfied with). There are two exceptions: Stannis and the Red Woman (Melisandre). I felt like they threw us into the frey without really telling us who Stannis used to be. I think they tried to hint at it with everyone’s dismissal and dislike of him and the inclusion of Davos Seaworth as someone who liked him. However, I ultimately felt that even a single scene or two of pre-Red Woman would have given me more reason to potentially see Stannis as a deeply flawed but still sympathetic character. However, instead I feel thrown right in the middle of him becoming radically religious and listening to a random woman without really giving us reason to believe he’d fall into that. I’m not given good reason for why Davos Seaworth follows him so loyally.

The Red Woman (Melisandre): Going right along with that, it is incredibly confusing in the early seasons whether Melisandre believes what she says or she is manipulating Stannis for some malicious purpose. The buildup to the sixth season reveal of her doubt feels really abrupt. I think this in apart was on purpose, to leave the viewer confused about where she stood, but as someone watching back through, there’s none of that enjoyment of seeing the pieces fall together like many of the other characters. I can see the slow growth of Arya and Sansa into stronger, albeit more cutthroat people. Melisandre just is this villianious appearing woman who we don’t really get much depth into who she is behind the front she puts up. Which just makes me feel cheated from a character who could have had a lot of complexity from the start.

Brienne of Tarth: Okay, so I feel I should give a quick note to the fact I actually was really annoyed when they introduced Brienne. We just suddenly see her supporting Renly, with no idea why really. We eventually, I believe in the 5th season, find out where her loyalty to Renly came from, but it took way too long to get there. I love Brienne’s character. I think she’s a wonderful lawful good character in a show where she’s really the only one like that. She is straight forward loyal, not strategic or manipulative like almost every other character. She’s a breath of fresh air. However, while I’m satisfied with the backstory we are given eventually, I think it takes too long getting there for how long she’s on the screen.

Arya Stark: The subtlety of the massive amount of lessons she was given in her travels that would produce an excellent assassin, I love it. They are all very small moments for the most part. The archer in the Band of Brotherhood telling her a better way to shoot arrows. The Hound telling her where the heart is. Sure, the dancing instructor and the Faceless Man taking away her eyes are loud and in your face moments where she learns to fight better. However, there’s so many more meaningful moments than that. I will always love her character. I don’t know how she’ll survive the ending, because I can’t imagine a life after she finishes her list. I think she has to answer to the Many Faced God in the end and that devastates me. I want her to be captain of the [Queen’s] guard. I want her to be the Lady of Winterfell, except she constantly tells people she’s not a lady into her old age. I want her to have a happy ending, because she’s had a hard life for so many years.

Sansa Stark: This will be the last person I focus on for this post, but I have to pay her some due appreciation. Let me start this by saying I hated Sansa when I originally watched the series. I always appreciated doers in fiction, probably because I’m not one myself, so I found Sansa’s “just survive” attitude to be frustrating and annoying. However, rewatching this, not only do I have to praise the writers for their slow burn growth in Sansa learning, but I have to reprimand myself for not seeing all the pieces align. Like Arya, maybe more so, Sansa has a ton of moments where people are teaching her things without a lot of attention being paid to it. The words imparted by Cersei and the Tyrells all play an important role into the person Sansa eventually grows into. You can see her taking all these things people said and applying them, maybe not right away but slowly over times. Moreover, despite my initial reaction, Sansa is never simply surviving. In many ways, she’s constantly testing the boundaries while she is still in King’s Landing. She makes underhanded comments while she deals with the very active trauma of what Joffrey put her through. Once she leaves King’s Landing we see that she takes what she has learned to be active in her escape from bad situations. Sansa’s character growth is so wonderfully done. For the record, I believe that for GOT to make a full arch, Sansa has to end up on the Iron Throne. Jon doesn’t want it, which may be perceived as good, but I’m skeptical about it and I think it’s been set up in a really obvious way that means it’s not going to happen. Dany is a great conqueror but we’ve seen she makes questionable decisions when leading. Cersei, we already know from her prophecy, has got to die. So that just leaves Sansa. Sansa who wanted to be queen when the story started. Sansa who has learned the game of allies and enemies. Sansa who has been taught by Queens how to rule and men how dangerous men are. Just imagine Sansa as queen with Arya as her King’s Guard and Tyrion, who gave her reason to trust him, as her hand. It’d be awesome.

Lastly, I want to know more about the origins of the Doom and White Walkers and all these magical things. There’s a lot of moving pieces in these early seasons that feel like they are brought in but aren’t established if they are important or not. There are ways, narratively, to bring in magic and disaster while deemphasizing its importance to the overall narrative, but I actually feel right now that something like the Doom should have narrative significance, but they are probably going to ignore it and make it just a historical background building. I just want to understand how all this magic ties together. Why are people skeptical of magic in a world that seems to have a pretty solid background in fantasy?

#thelearningcat got #thelearningcat watches tv #got #game of thrones #spoilers #game of thrones spoilers #got spoilers #sansa stark #arya stark #stannis baratheon #red woman #melisandre #brienne #ramblings #the doom #white walkers #magical elements

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