#growing up like this kinda fucked me up bcs idk at all how to manage money. and my parents don't want to tell me wnvr i ask :((

[astrxealis]

never gonna stream playing nier replicant/automata bcs i Sing

[caraphernellie]

nothin', just intimate, sleepy morning sex with els <3

an: quick fic i wrote bc i wanted to write something super intimate n kinda romantic ◝꒰ ´ ˘ `♡ ꒱

cw: nothing much rly! morning sex, tribbing, looooots of 'i love you' and romantic talk. not super hot n heavy? idk. slow and gentle <3 i imagine this as maybe fiance or wife ellie!! suuuuper sappy btw. this is really sappy ksfjklajeklfdg

sunlight streaming through the curtains, golden light cast upon your elegant features. ellie peppering those open-mouthed kisses over your hot skin, from shoulder up to the corner of your lips.

"g'mornin'," is the mumble you hear, that voice filled with sleep nothing but a rasp. "how'd you sleep?"

instead of a response to ellie's simple question, you offer a gentle sigh of content, hooking your leg over her waist and pulling her in closer. "i love you. you feel like home to me."

"home?" ellie whispers, brushing your cheek with her thumb, moving her hand to cup your head so delicately at the back of your neck. "what'chu mean, babe?"

"i feel safe with you." there's a pause, ellie watching your eyes flutter while she rubs the skin at the back of your neck, nails lightly scratching over your skin. "s'feels nice."

"nice?" the response a low murmur. "m'glad."

"i think as long as i'm with you, i'll be okay forever."

ellie chuckles quietly, her hand trailing down, over the expanse of bare skin, and she leans a kiss to your shoulder. "romantic this morning, huh?"

"and you're touchy this morning," you retort, fingertips grasping her chin for a soft kiss. a sloppy, slow exchange of spit and warm breath.

the sounds of that wet, gross kissing along with your giggles filling the room, ellie's hand moves upwards to cup your ass.

"i'm more than touchy," she admits, lips curling into a subtle smirk. "lemme have you."

a quiet moan slips past your lips as she kisses down your neck once more, pressing her lips over every purpled mark she left under moonlight mere hours ago.

"god, els," you murmur, words all slurred, brushing your hand through her hair, "c'mon... need you."

"mhm," ellie hums, slowly pushing you onto your back. she smirks at the immediate spreading of your legs, climbing between them.

she gasps, wet cunt meeting with yours. grabbing your leg to fix the angle, she lets your foot rest over her shoulder, leaning over you.

"mmm, ellie," you moan, hips bucking up into her. "s'pretty..."

ellie chuckles, starting to grind down into you, groaning at the sensation, clit rubbing against yours, the feeling slippery and hot and intimate. "you're the prettiest."

"n--" but ellie cuts you off with a kiss. she won't hear anything different, she won't allow you to disagree, not when the sunlight hits your cheekbone like that, and you're splayed out for her to love on, those heavy lidded eyes staring into her own.

pulling away and biting your lower lip, ellie grunts, starting to rub faster against you. she cages your head between her hands pressing into the bed, and she won't let you tell her, but she's utterly beautiful like this, auburn hair curtaining her face. freckles like a tapestry of stars all over her body, every inch of skin so unique to you, sweat beading at her forehead.

ellie's breath grows heavier and she stares down into your eyes, groaning and huffing.

"mmmmff,fuck, ellieee," you whine, "i love you. love you so much."

"i love you too." ellie leans down to kiss your neck, moving faster. but she can't find words that tell you how she really feels. so she resorts back to her typical, vulgar nature.

"and nobody fucks this pussy like me, yeah?"

"no," you manage, shaking your head with half lidded eyes. "nobody does. mmmm, s'good els, yea."

"good?"

"sooo good, good, good, su'good," you babble, beginning to pant a little heavier. "close, ellie."

"me too," ellie mumbles, "hold my hand, babe."

you grab at ellie's hand, your free hand going down to hold her thigh, keep her close as she rubs her soaking cunt onto yours. "kiss, kiss me baby."

ellie squeezes your hand, leaning down and connecting your lips in a kiss, pushing her tongue past your lips. she revels in the moan it elicits from you.

"love you," is the only thing you feel like saying anymore. "yours, i'm yours in this life and in the next, in all the lives after that-"

there's just level of intensity in the room now, soft breeze blowing the curtains peacefully in the light of dawn, moans filling the room, movements of both you and ellie becoming more frantic as you reach the height of your climax together.

"i'm always yours, ellie."

she loses it at that, breath becoming shallow, a soft squeak of--

"cum, cum with me baby."

she meets your lips with hers again, and that familiar feeling snaps in you, the two of you shaking against each other, intertwined in a hold of skin to skin contact.

and ellie holds you close, wrapping an arm around you nice and tight.

"for the record, i'm yours too," she says quietly, kissing your cheek.

"in this life and the next," you say with a firm nod.

i didnt expect it to turn out like this but daaamn... idk if i like it but also??

tags: @dinasvampgf @fadedin2u @machetegirl109 @eurewili @craz1er4you @divinediors @onlinelesbo @thecowardwrites

i'm still trying to sort out my tag list!! it wouldn't let me tag some people. if you wanted to be tagged but weren't pls let me know so i can fix that <3

[sageo7]

Okay guys i actually finished it idk why i waited like a month lol. Sorry its kinda shot but Im gonna start writing more Stiles content coming up bc there is a horrible lack of fics on tumblr rn. Send me requests pretty please!!

Stiles was practically fuming on the couch next to you while you sat amongst your friends at one of the movie nights hosted at Scotts house. You had been conducting a little experiment to see how much you could tease him and push his buttons until he did something about it. Stiles was always gentle with you, touching you like you would shatter if he applied too much pressure and it was endearing, for sure… but you wanted more. You wanted him to use you how he needed to; for him to use you for once to satisfy his own needs. Your hand remained on his upper thigh under the blanket draped over both of your laps, innocently watching the movie in front of you to avoid his gaze that had been boring into the side of your head ever since your hand brushed up against him. The whole night has been moments like this, whispering dirty things into his ear and skipping away like nothing happened, bending down to grab things directly in front of him so he could get a peak of your lacy pink panties from under your skirt, and now your hand was inching up his thigh to touch him through his jeans in a room full of your friends. Just when your hand makes contact with the bulge straining against his zipper his hand catches your wrist making your eyes snap back up to his which were dark and heavy lidded, his breathing much deeper than normal.

“bathroom.” Is all he practically growls into your ear before he stands from the couch abruptly walking away. You wait another minute or so before also excusing yourself, none of your friends paying much mind to either of your departures. You creep up the stairs slowly every step making the ache between your legs more prominent and you bite back a moan when you’re practically shoved into the bathroom the door slammed shut behind you.

“jesus stiles.” You say exasperatedly and he just gives you a look and retaliates with “why’re you doing this to me baby?”

“doing what?” You ask feigning innocence and looking away to avoid his eyes but his hand grabs your chin harshly turning you back.

“Look at me. You know what I’m talking about.” he says his hand guiding yours to the bulge in his jeans arousal pricking down your spine at the groan that leaves him from the contact.

“feel what you’re doin’ to me?” He mumbles out his head falling to your shoulder when you cup him properly in your hand. You let out a shuddering breath to recompose yourself and nod “yeah? what do you want me to do about it..?” the question comes out sarcastic and taunting and his hips instinctively move forward trying to rut more into your hand.

“anything.” He breathes out and you shake your head pulling your hand away a desperate moan falling from his lips in protest.

“stiles.. tell me what you want.” you repeat putting more emphasis on ‘want’ and he swallows and nods understanding your meaning.

“your mouth..” he finally manages out after a long pause and when you sink to your knees his words grow more confidence “god I wanna fuck your pretty little mouth..” he mutters his hands moving to pull your hair back away from your face. Your hands move diligently to undo his pants eagerly pulling them and his boxers down, his cock springing free the head already an angry red, beads of precum rolling down the tip. You lick your lips instinctively at the sight and peer up at him, he’s flush, pupils blown wide and mouth slightly agape as he watches your every move with rapt attention his hand holding your hair up in a makeshift ponytail subtlely trying to inch you closer to his dick. You wrap a hand around him and his eyes snap shut a guttural moan bubbling up from his throat when your tongue darts out to lick up the precum before taking the tip into your mouth. With a small huff of air you take him further in inch by inch tormentingly slow, but when you nose brushes against tufts of well groomed hair his hips jut forward making you pull away abruptly with a chocked cough. His hands cup your face immediately panic clear in his eyes sputtering out apologies but you shake your head with giggle batting his hands away.

"just so big sti.." you purr out and his anxiety melts away immediately with a borderline pathetic moan. You take him back in your hand, eyes staring up into his while you tug along his dick lowering your mouth to press wet kisses down his length. A few little kitten licks to his slit has his eyes screwing shut hands tightening in your hair. "please.."

"please?" you repeat pulling your mouth away from him "be more specific"

His features scrunch up in annoyance at the taunting still the words spill out of him immediately "no more teasing.. wanna fuck your mouth.. please" he babbles out.

You hum in approval his neediness making your mouth water and you wrap your lips around him again. Your tongue swirling around his tip snaps the last of his well upheld restraint and the hand buried in your hair pushes you further along his dick. Every movement is lead by his hand, wide eyes staring down at you his grunts and groans spurring you on to just let him guide you.

"i'm so.. fuck baby.. oh my g-" his words get less coherent with every motion hips thrusting forward every few times to meet your lips. It doesn't take much more before he's murmuring out small praises and barely intelligible versions of "i'm close" his eyes roll back slightly, cock twitching in your mouth before warm spurts of his cum slide down your throat and drip past the corners of your mouth. He releases his vice like grip on your hair slowly and you pull away swallowing heavily. Neither of you speak for a few seconds to catch your breath but he reaches his hands down to help hoist you back to your feet wrapping his arms around you securely.

"i love you angel." he mutters out against your hairline "so perfect for me"

[ackermonie]

like a hot dad

content: nsfw, long haired levi, breeding kink, daddy/mommy kink if u squint, dilf levi, post war canon

warnings: +18 content, mild manga spoilers, f!bodied reader.

wc: 1.5k~

tags: @motherfckerrr bc they commented ehe

a/n: i genuinely had no idea where this was going i just kept writing and somehow ended up with being h word for dilf long haired levi and idk how to take it back tysm

also pls reblog if u can!! i’m tryna gain back my old followers from my previous blog due to shadowban, so spreading the word could def help!! tysm either way<3

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

do you think levi would grow his hair out post-war?

idk mahn but the vision of him with a short wolf-ish is really getting to me.

i feel like maybe he’d let it grow accidentally. with the healing process for his knee and the rest of his wounds i feel like he wouldn’t really care about his hair, and you’re totally in for it.

it’s a huge change. for years, you’re used to levi’s neat hair and infamous undercut, and you were 100% into it. but now as he finally lets you cut his hair for him instead of doing it himself, you kinda slowly fix it in a wolf cut and let it grow gradually.

you’d come up with excuses every time he asks you to cut his hair.

“i have so much to do around the house today, my love. maybe tomorrow?”

“oh, i’m on my period today. i can barely stand up.”

“oh! i forgot i have to go get stuff from the market! i’ll be meeting gabi and falco, i can’t be late, can i?”

once he gets frustrated with you, the raven silk was already down to his nape. it shaped his face beautifully, and once you caught him with a pair of scissors in the bathroom, your soul left your body.

“WAIT!” you dash to him, holding down the armed left hand. “you’re not left handed! you wanna ruin your hair??”

“shut up,” he rolls his eyes at you. “you’ve been putting me off for months. look how long it’s gotten!” he gestures with a hand to the mirror in front of you two. “i look hideous.”

you slip the scissors from his hands, and levi catches the little sly smile that slips on your face as you squeeze yourself between his body and the sink.

you watch the realization fall on his face while your hands slip in his hair.

“is this what i get for letting my guard down around you?”

“you look beautiful,” you tell him, love struck as you are, never missing the pink dust that rushes to his cheeks “everyone compliments you for it. you still wanna cut it off again?”

“i don’t give a shit about anyone else.” he grumbles and looks down between you both, leaning on his cane. “i don’t look representable.”

“you don’t have to look representable,” your tone lowers in sincerity. a thumb grazes the scar on the right side of his face. “you’re not a captain anymore, my love. you’re free to do whatever your heart pleases.”

he looks up at you, features blank, but you know well how your words are tossing and turning in his brain.

“besides,” your smile returns back to your face, and you pull him a little closer. “you look extremely hot.” a hand trails down to the hem of his shirt, your eyes following the movement, then you return your gaze back up to him. “like a hot dad.”

his eyebrows shoot up, playfulness making an appearance on the previous stoic features. “like a hot dad?”

“mmhm,” you affirm with a mock-nonchalant nod, and you slip away from him jjjuuust when he was about to pull you in. you look at him over your shoulder, mischief pure in your gaze. “i’ll go check on dinner for the guests coming tonight. feel free to join.”

only except that ten minutes later, the kitchen is completely empty and you two didn’t manage to make it past the living room. he was seated on the sofa, head throw back with his fucking hair framing his delicious expression like that, you swear you could cum untouched in your position between his legs as you get to work.

“like a hot dad, huh?” he mumbles, all breathless and shit once you were seated in his lap, his length stretching you perfectly. a hand reaches up to wipe away the remaining of his previous climax on the corner of your lips. you throw your head in the crook of his neck, the pleasure of your hips rolling skillfully against his hitting you bad. “you could’ve just asked, lovely. wanna make me a daddy?”

you manage a shaky nod when he begins to meet your hips halfway.

a hand trails up from your waist to garb your neck, squeezing deliciously as he pulls you away from his neck to take a good look at you. “words, my love.”

“yes,” you nod, eyes closed in bliss. one of your hands grab the wrist of the hand around your neck. “wan’ make y-you a…hhah… daddy.”

“fffuuck…” he groans out when you squeeze around him, letting himself gather enough strength before he throws you off of him and onto the sofa. when your thighs are squeezed together at the painful loss of contact, a palm falls on one of them, leaving a flushed mark in its wake.

“open wide, baby.” he grabs a hold of his cock while he holds the back of your opening thigh to keep the pair apart. the years upon years in the survey corps leave you as flexible as you can be, so when he presses your thigh back, your joints bend easily at his will. pumping himself a few times as he gazes at your glistening folds, another groan breaks out from deep in his chest.

“god, look at you.” he rolls his hips in, and you feel him slip through so pleasurably that you can’t hold back the loud whimper that escapes you.

because damn, how could you not from this view? this is a face of a determined, pussy-drunk man. sweat broke on his forehead, a few strands sticking to the skin while the rest of his hair falls around his face perfectly. you see a ting of pain on his features, and you scatter to try to change your position for a more comfortable one for him, but he is quickly pushing you back down to the couch, a hand falling to your lower abdomen.

the pressure he puts there makes you forget your own name, and it shows on the way your body shivers with bliss. his thrusts increase in velocity, the maddening roll of his hips against yours throwing you in a whole other dimension.

a hand reaches out to grab yours, and through the dizzying pleasure, you realize that levi is pressing your own hand to your abdomen underneath his.

“look how deep inside am i,” he grumbles, leaning down to press a kiss on your bouncing tits. you feel his length stroke in and out of you the more levi puts pressure on your hand. “taking me so well. always so well, baby.”

he takes control of your hand once more, feeling you squeeze familiarly around him, and he pushes your fingers through his hair. you yank on the strands immediately, pulling out a fucking growl out of the man as he leans down until your chests were touching, putting a bit of his body weight on you for support.

you latch onto him like a koala, the burn of your core muscles stretching as he pushes you in a mating press mixes well with your pleasure-high brain. levi kisses, licks, bites down on your neck to leave marks you’ll have trouble hiding later, but you don’t give a shit. you arch your neck more, letting out a long moan when he nips at a certain spot, the bliss turning you mad.

levi is breathless. his puffs of air fan your face when he brings his face on top of yours. a whimper escapes past his lips, his features twisted with pleasure uncontrollably, and you drown in the sounds he makes.

“wann’ make you a mommy too,” he mumbles, open lips landing on the corner of your lips. “wanna…hhah… fill you up. over,” he pauses, delivering an especially harsh thrust that you feel at your cervix. “and over again.”

“levi, i’m so—,”

your body begins to curl into him, eyes closing uncontrollably, and the poor man barely has any chance to ready himself for the way you tighten impossibly around him as you give him your first climax.

your body shivers and quivers, shaking as he overstimulates you chasing after his own pleasure. he leans back up, hands harshly grabbing your lips as he manages to pull you even deeper, and you tightness milk him.

it isn’t the first time he cums inside you, but this one sure hits different. after a few more thrusts that manage to abuse your cervix, levi stills stiffly with a strong groan, and you feel his warmth coat your walls .

he gives you a few more deep strokes as he leans down to kiss you deeply, making sure he fucks all his load deep enough.

his hips still once more, but you keep devouring his lips. weak moans are erupted from both of you as you two calm down gradually, before levi throws sway your attempts of calming down your still-raging arousal when he pulls away, leans up, and slowly pulls out of you.

and he watches the mixture of both your orgasams begin to pool out of you, and you watch as he takes two fingers to push everything back in. you shamelessly roll your hips against bis digits once more.

he looks up at you, fingers still engulfed, snd a smirk takes over his handsome features.

“one more time for good measures?”

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

averyjameson rant (that might make zero sense)

i've seen that a lot of fans have speculated that their codeword, tahiti, was created as a result of one of their fights, but i'd honestly like to talk more about it. (this is kinda rushed and all over the place btw) (also not proof read which at this point really isn't a surprise)

tahiti is a codeword they use whenever they want the other to be honest with them so, it would only make sense for them to have had issues with being honest and communication in the past which resulted in the creation of this codeword. i think their issues with communication stems from their individual trauma so i'd like to talk about that for a second.

avery grew up with literally no one in her corner except for her mother, max, and libby. max moved away the summer before 8th grade, and, then, at fifteen, her mother died. she was pretty much left with libby (and max thanks to her phone). avery hates burdening people with her issues. i remember a scene in tig (i believe, though it might be thl) where libby asked her who took care of her, and she immediately started telling herself that she's only a burden, and that, basically, she doesn't deserve help. avery also hates being vulnerable. to her, vulnerability = weakness. growing up the way she did and with everything she's been through, i think it makes perfect sense for her to think so. allowing herself to feel things could've potentially ruined everything for her with everything she had on her plate (work, school, surviving, etc) by distracting her. then, she inherited the money, and she went from having two people in her corner, to, like, ten. this is a huge change, and would obviously take some adjusting. i think she's never allowed herself to open up in fear of people leaving ("the trick to being abandoned was to never let yourself long for anybody who left" idk when she said this).

after years of believing she couldn't rely on anyone, obviously it would cause issues for her with jameson. after all, it takes a long time to work through trauma. bc of all of this, i feel like the beginning of their relationship would be a little bumpy (with jameson trying to get her to open up, and avery not knowing how/being scared to).

jameson has his own share of problems. with everything that happened with emily, and the gaslighting tobias hawthorne put him through, i think he's afraid of people leaving him bc they don't think he's good enough. i feel like he'd think the same way avery does when it comes to opening up (it burdens people, they might leave me, i don't like being vulnerable, etc). i mean jamie spent so long drinking away his problems and pretending he was absolutely fine and unaffected after the emily fiasco (i fucking hate that bitch with my entire being). some people believe that jameson wasn't really affected by what happened with emily when in reality he was. just because he didn't respond to trauma the same way grayson did doesn't mean it isn't there.

obviously they're perfect together so they managed to work through it. over time i feel like they learned to truly trust each other, and started opening up more frequently. obviously, like i said, their issues caused fights, but they worked through all of them. i believe that after one of these fights, the codeword was created (they might have been in tahiti when it happened, and that's why the code word is tahiti).

anyways i really enjoyed talking about their trauma, and i might make some more in depth posts about it (bc their trauma is SOOO overlooked) (probably after i reread the books unless i become to impatient). i apologize if this doesn't make sense or if there are spelling mistakes, like i said it's kinda rushed and i wrote most of this at like 3:00am last night. if anyone has some more theories about the codeword i'd really like to hear them. hope this post wasn't too boring.

[lastoneout]

Not to think to hard about it but those masking questions really do confuse the fuck outta me lmao, like I have spent most of my life feeling like every single social interaction I have is an elaborate high stakes board game where I don't actually know the name of the game or the rules, so ofc course I am more comfortable hanging out with groups of people I know because I can watch how they're acting and kinda reverse-engineer what's expected of me, but whenever I've sat down and thought about it I've been like, but that's normal right?

Bcs a lot of growing up, especially in a person's earliest years, involves copying the people around them! Babies don't just magically know how to speak and socialize, they watch their parents and family and friends and copy them until they have it down, and as you grow up people continue find themselves in new social situations all the time and the most logical way to figure out how to behave in them is to watch the people around them and do what they do, right???

I guess I just assumed everyone was doing that all the time just like I was, and they were just idk better at dealing with messing up and/or managing the anxiety that comes with unfamiliar social situations, and my REAL problem is that I suck at that part, but no I guess not everyone is constantly playing high stakes 5D chess in their heads during every social situation trying to figure out how to act based on what the people around them are doing! Wild!!

And it's funny too bcs I also kinda assumed this wasn't an autism thing?? Bcs the autistic people I know in real life are VERY social and love meeting new people and talking to complete strangers, so I figured I must have something else wrong with me that makes me hate talking to strangers to the point that a random person striking up a conversation with me at the bus stop gives me horrible anxiety and/or makes me upset, bcs I only feel comfortable engaging socially with other people when there's a script or a structure I'm familiar with or I am with someone I trust who I can use as a reference point for how to act. Like it's probably just social anxiety or smthn, right?? But now I don't know lol

Anyway this is why I'm not sure I'm ever gonna feel comfortable self dx-ing, not bcs it's bad or anything I'm just way too confused by these questions to actually come to a conclusion as to what it all means.

[nihilizzzm]

This is a heavy post, sorry.

What an emotional dump this ff is. I have like two chapters left to write still. But like…

Let’s just say i am raised in highly heteronormative country in which lgbtqia+ people are constantly deprived of their families’ love and acceptance all around them. And being raised in this reality is painful but also it’s not the worst it could be so who am i to complain?

I am also very happy to be raised in family full of acceptance and love. And by family I mean my closest family. However it still brings me pain to even think that I could one day fall in love with a girl (most likely tbh) and will have to tell this to them. I know they will be fine but the rest of my family would absolutely freak out and probably just be ashamed of me forever. So I am living for few years now with this feeling that I will never be loved because I am more scared of stepping out of someone else’s comfort zone than I am wanting to experience love. And I am ready to give up dreams about relationship only in order not to be a problem, because my own feelings are not worth the mess they will cause.

And I did similar thing with Boromir in my ff, because in this 16 chapter monster he is mostly scared of his growing feelings which he learned to throw away in order to serve Gondor and be good son of his father, who is not very excited about his oldest liking 🏳️‍🌈men🏳️‍🌈. This includes also a lot of feeling guilty after any physical interaction, being taught to fulfil some needs with shame and constant feeling of being an imposter, not worthy of meaningful love, because his way of life already made him too damaged for it.

Idk, i kinda wanted to share it, because as I read it now I see how much really I filled this ff with my own thoughts. And ofc it’s hurt/comfort with happy ending, because I want to convince myself I will get a happy ending.

I will fill an official complaint if i don’t get one. I will turn into a karen and ask to talk to the manager, because I deserve a happy ending for fuck’s sake.

I know this post is chaotic, sorry for that. I will tag it with trigger warning for homophobia and if anyone would like me to add any pls let me know, bc I know this whole thing is heavy as fuck probably

Anyway, have a good day/night and I truly love yall <33

[natsmagi]

I love ur art!!!! really its so gorgeous and the style brings me sm joy, its so soft and cute!! and ofc fem ntsmg is THE GOAT!!!!!!

BUT I JUST WANNA ALSO SHOW APPRECIATION FOR HOW U ANSWER ASKS AND STUFF AND IDK JUST UR WHOLE PERSONALITY IN GENERAL?? I love reading ur text posts especially when u kinda analyze the characters and stuff like its so fun to read and tbh, both natsume and tsumugi are characters that I feel are often mischaracterized in the fandom, and like idk I feel like u get them so perfectly and its sooo !??!?! Awesome getting to read ur awesome takes when new events come out and stuff like YOURE SO RIGHT ABT EVERYTHING, i be reading ur posts and going "you!!! YOU FUCKING GET IT!!!!!!!!!!" *happy stimming*

if you honestly did like a proper character analysis for them one day just now i would be so here for it and read it over and over again probably. Im currently hyperfixating RLY HARD on ntsmg so sometimes i just go through ur entire text post/ask tag and read everything over and over again 😭😭😭 I JUST LOVE THIS BLOG IN GENERAL KEEP DOING WHAT YOURE DOING, YOURE ABSOLUTELY AWESOME AND VERY MUCH BASED USER NATSMAGI!!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️

OIUGOHGOOHH OH MY GODDDDD ANONNNNNNNN THIS IS SO SWEET I HARDLY EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAYYYYYYY 😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH U HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME 🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

im a very chatty person so im very glad u like hearing what i have to say 🥺!!! and im glad u like my personality too since i feel i can come off as harsh or arrogant sometimes AKJHFSKJH THOUGH TBF I DO TRY MY BEST TO BE KIND......

ID LOOOVE TO ANALYZE NTMG MORE !!! main reason i dont do it as often or hold myself back a bit is because admittedly its been a While since i read alot of the stories, a majority of which i have only read once, and when i make actually Proper analyzes i like to have reread the material and see if i maybe misinterpreted something on my first read or am misremembering, bc when given new info other interactions can be read differently and all that. and i also wanna actually do them justice and not accidentally spread misinfo AJHSFKJH AND I UNFORTUNATELY HAVENT HAD THE TIME NOR ENERGY TO DO THIS </3 but even without remembering every single piece of dialogue verbatim i like to think my grasp on them is still somewhat decent, and im very glad u like my interpretations 🥺❤️

it always makes me so incredibly happy when people view the characters similarly to me aswell bc like u mentioned they Are kinda prone to getting mischaracterized in some ways...... i think it mainly comes from both natsume and tsumugi having MANY factors to their characters though, and the mischaracterization comes from only highlighting one aspect of them and failing to think about how their different attributes overlap (although this can probably be said for the entire cast tbh). like an easy example that im sure everyone gets by now is natsumes little tsundereisms. if you only focus on him being rude to tsumugi it can look like hes just some edgy guy with anger management issues, but when you take into account other factors such as him having a rather spoiled upbringing both by his parents and nii-sans, and his distaste towards feeling "weak" (also caused by his upbringing, since he was frail as a child and raised as a girl) you start to see that oh. alot of that is just him being defensive and emotionally immature. since he had such a comfortable upbringing those hints of discomfort and vulnerability are threatening to him as someone who always had everything handed to him. and when you dont know how to deal with situations like that ASWELL as being afraid of being seen as "weak" youre Gonna start resorting to harsher words and sometimes even get physical because you have no clue how else to handle this. its also why the natsumes character consists of him being pretty obsessed with "growing up" and "not being a kid anymore," because he knows how immature he could be SKHDGJH he doesnt have bad intentions he just. doesnt know how to be vulnerable with people

[moesartblog]

I'm still a sucker for fedvi all these years later. What's your AU about? It looks interesting

It's kinda funny to come across other people who liked fedvi bc it was already such a niche thing even at its height lol.

But also thank you for letting me open pandoras box on my silly au. The biggest departure from the source material is probably just that it was only Giovanni who was executed, and the focus for the "story" is how his death has rippling effects across the family, and how they learn to live beyond his death.

This is gonna be so fucking long so im sorry in advance. I'm supposed to be doing an exam right now lol

Maria who is grieving, and also having to take care of her 4 children on her own now, learning to lean on other people for help with this. I also had this idea for a convo between her, and vieri (after he killed his father) where she's trying to make sense of Giovanni's death, and vieri, while not on any good terms with the family, doesnt think Giovanni should have been killed in the way he was cus it just caused problems all across the board. I also wanted to let her old personality creep back in, cus she was so fun before the execution in the game. I'm also debating if I want an element of being worried about her kids getting so involved with the assassin stuff or not. I'm leaning towards not but idk.

Federico, who I feel like to some degree didn't want to feel a lot of responsibility as an oldest sibling, suddenly has to take up the mantle, his siblings are looking to him for some stability since he seemed so unbothered about things in the past (at least on the surface). Him and Ezio start to butt heads more, especially over rescuing vieri during a mission to kill francesco, only to find him already dead. Federico is trying to hold every string in the family together so they dont fall apart. His goal is to kinda re-find that relaxed feeling he had before. Still with responsibility, but with a balance of relaxation, and, again, leaning on other people to help.

Ezio was the one who did see his father killed first-hand. He becomes a lot more aggressive, and throws himself pretty immediately into the assassin stuff. I see his personality pretty similar to the game (AC2), where he's looking for revenge for his father, and it's taking a toll on his family relationships. He kinda grows the way he does in the games, but a little faster, where he learns the most important thing is appreciating who is here now.

Caludia i wanna develop more, but her thing is based on her situation in AC brotherhood, where she wants to be an assassin too. Federico, and Mario are on board, but Ezio is adamant about her not doing stuff like that. He's still viewing her as the sad little sister who had her heart broken, and doesn't want to see her hurt, but doesnt understand that she is as capable as any of them. She still needs training but she has all the potential the ezio or federico had at her age. She wants to establish herself more and help her family.

Petruccio is still somewhat young, and has a hard time trying to process all the sudden major life changes. His chronic illness keeps him doing any intense physical training, but he's not super interested in that aspect anyway. He's usually hanging out with his mother, but then he starts to observe Leonardo more and more, and leo starts mentoring him on various things like deciphering things and engineering. It works a lot better with managing his illness, and the topics are more engaging to him.

vieri i decided to do a kinda overhaul on his character (the original character is fun to hate and entertaining but I wanted to go a different direction with his character. also even back in the day, tangent, but I hated the brotherhood flashback with him where they made him basically a rapist in order to make ezios stalking seem less creepy than it was. I HATED the writing of that jesus christ.) He's still fairly arrogant when around his father, and still spends his dads money loosely. but he starts to question his fathers ideas for their family within the templars, and he gets retaliation from his father every time. after giovannis death, he has a deep moment of my father was wrong fer helping set it up that way. giovanni needed to die, but doing it so publicly made a lot of issues for the Pazzi house afterwards. So a fight starts and he kills francesco, and after is found by federico and ezio because of Viola, who were coming to kill francesco themselves. He's taken back and treated at the Villa Auditore, much to Ezio's chagrin. Vieri is kinda stuck in his enemies home and so he's irritable, and vulnerable, but it's an opportunity for better understanding between the two families. vieri is more contemplative now that his father isnt present to influence him. Eventually he decides to become an assassin. He has some chronic pain issues from his injuries.

Viola, i only have a bit at the moment, but she's always been kinda disobedient of her father. Their mother is not in the picture. She doesnt like her father, and butts heads with vieri because of that, but vieri and viola still love each other deep down. Vieri looked down on her for not trying to further the Pazzi house. She saved vieris life after he killed their father, and flagged down federico and ezio to take them back to the villa. beyond that ill have to think of stuff.

cristina i havent posted much but I have this whole thing. Her and ezio had a brief tryst, but i view her as a lesbian, and I think she just realized the sex and romance weren't doing anything for her. She still loves Ezio, just as a very close friend. She wanted to escape her fate of being married off, and so she asks ezio to help her become basically nobody, to pursue the life she wants. In an assassin trip to Venice, cristina comes along and meets Rosa and is almost immediately smitten.

Rosa I made into an intensely butch bisexual lol. She becomes friends with Ezio, and hooks up with him occasionally. He introduces her to cristina, and their energies match up really well and they become an item pretty quickly. I want to develop this relationship more bc this was something i was shipping while i was shipping fedvi but no one else really had any connection to it so i hardly posted it lol.

some last random notes:

-Ezio is still sleeping around, just also with men now. He's hooked up with cristina, leonardo, caterina, rosa, antonio, etc etc

-Rosa and federico become good friends and its a lot of teasing ezio

-Rosa flirts with Maria a lot, and it makes ezio panicky

-i definitely am going to revisit fedvi lol

-uhhh paola and maria occasionally sleep together, arguably in a relationship

That was so fucking long thank you for asking though! i needed to barf all this out

[okthatsgreat]

HELLO I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT UR DR OCS (NOT JUST FROM 50TH but from other games too...). Do you have any AUs or fun alternative ideas!!! Like roleswaps, personalities, etc, things like that! I love hearing about them !!! :0

HBGDFHSGB OMG ........ UR SO AWESOME

ok so the thing about my ocs is that i just drop them in any scenario ever so i truly am unable to verbalise any of these aus in detail lmfaoooooooooo. however i DO keep going back to a lgowab au with the 50th season ocs just bc keep thinking about how they would react. bc let me tell you they would fucking REACT. they only JUST left the simulator and now they gotta do this shit FOR REAL? literally half of their class would be dead within days mostly out of dumb luck but also theyre easy enough targets without being considered "kids" (considering 53 is the newest season, theyve been given a few years outside of the simulator already). and with all of the guns flying around wooowwwww ryobe and naomi would actually go crazy

there are LOTS of "what if" aus i have in mind for erin/billie just because those two are the characters i played in rps lmfao!!!! erin managed to survive and billie was the first death, so theres lots to be done regarding scenarios where that Doesn't Happen. ESPECIALLY erin, who basically got saved last minute from being the blackened despite her making literally the biggest mistake of her entire life and killing a man lol. and billie surviving .......... a lot of her character was just the tragedy of her not getting to grow up so giving her the ability to Grow Up is very sweet. honestly there are so many what if scenarios for all of these characters just because theyre danganronpa ocs hfdjgsfsjgk like the what if scenario of naomi getting caught in that final chapter. like that would have changed the public's perceptive of season 50 entirely. soooo many postgame relationships would be different and significantly less strained. and with the public not being super enthused by the ending of the 50th season the participants might have had time to actually chill out a bit lmfaoo.

swap aus are so so much fun but i dont have many in mind!!!! BUT I LOVE THEM! i think it's really fun when you keep their personalities but give them other talents teehee. i think legit the only talent swap that i have ever thought of before was one my friend roman briefly did with the characters in the rp we were in, and erin got swapped with the ultimate palaeontologist lol. she'd be SO into giving tours to elementary classes in museums. not a second would pass without her dropping a dinosaur fact on you. the fantastic thing about erin is that being a children's entertainer practically defines her at first (because her entire life and persona is dedicated to being pippy) so removing that aspect of her and giving her another ultimate talent is soooo funny because its like. The Whimsy. It's Gone and she's Normal

a season 50 swap would be so funny as well mostly because i can not imagine naomis scared ass being anything but a runner however i think it would be kinda fucked up if she was the ultimate lucky student considering what she got away with 🤔 rie is similar to erin in the way her entire life is dedicated to her talent and the pursuit of perfection and being this beautiful pageant queen so she would need a talent that allows her that level of dedication i reckon. maybe shes the ultimate content creator and becomes this beauty vlogger who does millions and millions of brand deals!!!! idk LOTS TO THINK ABOUT!!!!

[jinkicake]

👀👀 I can def sneak you this Xiao x reader x zhongli fic that has been rent free in my head all month and albedo is so😭like calling him cute is not enough!! I need to suck his dick till he starts crying 😔 also same w sucrose too she’s literally so adorable and I need to kiss her cheeks like there is no other option. Almost every character in this game has a grip on me and I’m just living like this @ this point? Like I’ll see hot fanart if scaramouche and I’m like,,, maybe I can fix him… and I’m not regretting I choose aether bc he’s my boy and I will never turn my back on him! But abyss Prince aether,,,, like idk men who are evil and mean are hot and I’m not going to pretend they’re not!! Like something about him seducing lumine’s friend into helping him achieve his goal is💦 like also same w lumine like aether I’m sorry but I’m sleeping w your hot unhinged evil sister😔 and like zhongli in his morax era where he was some evil blood thirsty god who was just fucking people up( SHDJS IN INEOF THE ARTIFACT DESCRIPTIONS IT SSYS HE WAS THROWING MOUNTAINS @ VENTI LIKE DAMN THE ELDERLY ARE FIGHTING!!) And his statue is literally naked w like a sheet on it….. now not saying my theory about fucking his people are true buuuut🤔 like he knows a lot about the herbs hat grow in Liyue and tea n shit so he def knows what plants increase fertility. People weren’t sad that morax died bc he was their good they were sad bc they wouldn’t get to fuck that good again like yanfei is half adepti and we never even hear about her parents sooooo.👀 and her horn things kinda do look dragon like…. Anyway barbatos was doing the same bc IK he just takes his lil 590 year naps so people don’t recognize the bard around town isn’t aging but he definitely was doing stuff. Bc there are SO many NPC kids without parents are dead parents, like Venti sees a cute passerby and he’s like hmmm Lemme get my dick wet. Like when the milk lady suddenly pregnant w triplets… they don’t say it’s “ a blessing from barbatos for no reason”

PLEASE LEMME SEE i wanna read it,,, I have to!!!

OH, SCARA CANT BE FIXED! But, if you manage it then dont fix him too much bc I want him to stay crazy and psycho! That's my favorite type of character, let him be evil!!! My little puppet!!!!

NO, I LOVE ABYSS PRINCE AETHER!!! Don't get me wrong like I love an evil woman as much as the next but I am a Lumine traveler 4 ever!!!! Something about Aether as the prince is so..... so good!!!

I never heard about venti and zhonglis fights involving the mountain WTFFFFF DID THAT ACTUALLY HAPPEN?! PLEASEEEEE,, why are they so funny T T

Oh, yeah, I adore the statues in Liyue... it was the one I maxed up all the way first bc only the best for shirtless zhongli!

EEEK not the blessing from barbatos T T .... i can't get over how he's called barbatos bc every time i hear it i always picture obey me barbatos..... wow

[waters-and-the-wilde]

hafkhsdahafskdfaljksjhfalafasd okay so i got. the whole. 'you're one of the good ones' thing from one of my managers at work about the whole. you know. not making the cis people too uncomfortable about my pronouns thing and. like. oof.

there's the 'thanks i hate it' of it all. but also. i thought i was kinda on the 'no more nice good little respectable trans ambassador' program after a previous situation. so it's like huh what that's not actually what i was going for. but also i mean it's not like i'm actually looking to put myself into a situation at work if i can help it? and i feel weird and conflicted because there is a little bit of it that is actually a little vindicating to get this kind of feedback that shows [ex mentor figure] as pretty unreasonable in comparison. like I knew she was being unreasonable but like this is a pretty traditional corporate retail kinda environment and the powers that be are like. doing their best to be supportive about stuff they're unfamiliar with. and then there's the feeling weird about feeling a little vindicated. and then there's just the feeling weird bc oh shit fuck c'mon i didn't ask to be the standard you're gonna hold your future trans employees to. fuck's sake i'm a recovering people-pleaser with an overdeveloped sense of impulse control and six bad jokes in rainbow shoelaces.

and yeah corporations aren't your friend and your boss isn't your friend yadda yadda and also like. generally speaking i get on fine with my managers as human people who mean well and this one was definitely going for 'trying to convey positive feedback' and walked right into it. so i'm trying to be like. 'well everyone has their own deal and some folks have things a lot harder than I do and it's tough to find a balance' and 'yeah no obviously most everyone here has been well-meaning and i'm not looking to give anyone a hard time' and 'i'm glad you guys recognize what i contribute and that i can rely on you if i need to'. aaand i think i tried to convey something to the effect of 'people have really weird perceptions about the whole Being Offended thing' that didn't really seem to register and i was really not prepared to go into the 'no we are definitely still way more scared of you than you are of us.' because. you know. as it turns out we are in fact more scared of our cisgender corporate environments than they are of us. and you're my boss and i'm on the clock and i'm running the math on how well-behaved i am in your presence at all times.

and i'm not gonna say 'hey ouch that's not the compliment you think it is.' and i'm not gonna say 'yeah you don't know how much math i'm doing every time I get misgendered and the cpu background programs it takes to figure out whether and how to address a situation' and 'thanks i've spent a year probably doing way more than this place deserves because what happens if There's a Situation and i don't have the social capital of being Hard Worker and Plays Well With Others and Not A Snowflake' and 'this conversation is taking an entire spoon right now can I go put up this price tag i was printing out'

I think I said something about how it's only going to get funnier every time someone tries to she/her me as my funny little beard grows in. WHICH BY THE WAY the past couple of months i have had to do so much less math. or a very different and much funnier kind of math. nothing makes me feel more like '5 creachers in the proverbial trenchcoat with a top hat and fake mustache who are Getting Away With Something' than getting bro-talked by a dude who read me as a dude. absolutely wild. how do you do fellow dudes.

idk the point i think really is the background numbers. and the fuckinh arbitraryness of it all. like there's never really going to be able to calibrate for who's going to be Chill About Your Deal and who's going to take the slightest reminder of your existence as an inconvenience and who's just going to roll with the kind of default assumptions that you've forgotten how to fathom. and most of the time it's the awkward and well-meaning people who are just gonna be there. and kind of exhausting.

[hymenpolice]

i forever get 2nd hand embarrassment for my fellow adults who say shit like "oh kids y'all should go outside and play with other kids instead of being online! looking at inappropriate stuff online as a teen messed me up so baad!" like... way to be patronising and also that sounds like a you problem, full offense. well, probably partially "adults in your life" problem for not teaching you to manage your media consumption to your maturity level but ultimately a you problem.

i mean i am concerned for the kids as well specifically bc apparently adults are leaving them high key to their own devices online because "the kids know about the internets better than we adults do now, loool" but growing up around social media really doesn't prime you to know healthy boundaries online etc. but being whiny and patronising isnt gonna help ffs.

(i'm also concerned in the sense that it kinda seems like kids are trying to be so much more mature at a younger age now, and it's kinda sad. but to be honest those of us who got to be kids well into their teens might have been outliers on a global scale and on the wider time scale of humanity. the lucky ones.)

one thing that does rly get on my nerves abt the kids tho is them not keeping to themselves about consuming content not aimed at them. i for sure read 17+ fanfic at age 13 but did i feel the need to tell the author this? NO! If i read smth not meant for me and it confused me, that was my own problem. i didn't go around making myself the online adults' problem... nor did i shove myself into 18+ spaces. but kids nowadays sure do. as if it's the whole internet's job to be their parents instead of just their actual parents' job. adults online by default haven't consented to parenting other people's kids. and if you can't manage your consumption of stuff to your own maturity level, you should ask your actual parents for help. maybe ask them to install some apps that limit what kinda stuff you can look at, if you can't trust your own judgement.

although tbh that isn't really just a kids issue. i know that a lot of people can't manage their consumption of content online to match their own ability to cope, even as adults. some even seek things out on purpose, either as a method of emotional self-harm, or for the addictive feeling of justified outrage. or both. maybe they should ask their parents to monitor their internet usage, too............

(on the other hand, there's a lot to say about 'is this for my comfort, or yours?' a lot of stuff adults want to protect kids from is more for the adults' comfort. protecting kids from gayness. transness. cussing?? how babies are made? the correct words for genitals? some giants of intellect are going around calling genitals "front-butt"…........ i was in a way lucky that i grew up in a family that bred animals, so even tho i didnt get basic sex ed until whenever they give it at school, i had an idea of how babies were made because of how they were made with dogs and horses. the most traumatic single thing from my childhood was my hyperreligious grandma freaking out about me going to sauna with my dad at 12, saying i was too old to do so, which in turn freaked out me. idk all i'm saying is. the odds are that it's the excessive "protecting" from everything, and the adults freaking out about you being exposed to stuff, that has hurt you. it probably isn't that you read some explicit gay fanfic at age 13 that fucked you up. or your same-age cousins lending you porn comics in your early teens. or your cousin showing you 2 girls 1 cup a couple of years later. my gma freaking out about the bathing was infinitely more traumatic.)

(this is obviously not about actual traumatic stuff like someone experiencing csa. this is about of your own volition looking at stuff not geared for your age group.)

[quixotic-gray]

i got a humble library of a lil over 643 hours of music now and i'm starting to think that's why im having such a hard time enjoying music at all anymore (beside the mental issues flareup i'm in), bc it's overwhelming me. it's been getting unmanageable to go thru my library and i obsess over how the data is entered and organized, i gotta add genre and go specific, i gotta add notes, i gotta fill in contributing artist with all the personel + respective instruments, recording dates and locations, scan album art and booklets, blah blah blah you know? data hoarding/archiving or whatever is fulfilling and enjoyable but i think i'm going farther with it than i need to. theres plenty of people with thousands and thousands of hours of music and they manage ok but i think it's time for me to give up. "but i need *more* stuff" pfft. damn i used to take pride scrolling thru my library just to see how much i got but now i hate it-- it's so much i don't even know what i have anymore, i cant even remember all the shit i got, i cant listen to one thing without thinking about something else i need to collect.... i feel like a idiot tbh. this is sucking the life out of me at this point. i can't delete any of it tho (even stuff i ripped from other ppls collections i don't really give 2 shits about like fucking acdc or garth brooks, i have it just for the sake of having it, i know i m probly never gonna listen to it but "what if...?" like grow tf up loser) i don't have the energy to figure out some kinda solution rn. idk i'm just rambling and i gotta go to bed bc tomorrows already gonna be a pain in the ass but damn this just hit me as i was trying to find something comforting to help me rest and i can't find jack shit with all these albums. pfft i'm just bugged at it now and i'm upset bc its like everything i ever do, i manage to make it unhealthy somehow like wtf with that huh? whatever. ey anyway i'm going to bed, goodnight

[elaichoi]

PLSDJJIDS I WAS THE OPPOSITE like i didnt wanna pay money but also like i had to have it to reach my fullest potential 👹👹👺

yes exactly i burnt out big time OTL cheers to being *less* mentally ill in the near future ^3^

that's totally understandable,, from the way i see it a majority of the asian population that goes by undiagnosed is v large,, and i'm not basing this off of any actual studies though i know there are some out there- but rather just the role culture (at least in most east asian cultures is as far as i'm qualified to speak for lol) plays in mental health makes diagnosis and treatment,, idk and just going by undiagnosed makes me sad that there are ppl who think this is the norm and that it's something you are expected to get over bc it's something "everyone goes thru" :( i very much relate on the front of gaslighting urself/being gaslit into thinking u just can't handle struggles that "everyone else manages to manage well" n that rlly sucks im sorry beb </3

DAMN LOL we r on the same boat on the same river 🥲 my little tiny snowball also started out w family problems and oh my god my mental health has come out of its hiding >o< i remember my counselor describing it as an unvented pressure cooker lmao

don't answer if you don't wanna, but do you still feel that way in the sense of repressing ur emotions? like refusing to acknowledge it ? i think i was like that for a small period of time but now im like the complete opposite which is like half miserable half not lmfaoo i will forever be the biggest advocate for anyone getting therapy even if u think u don't need it,,, but!! i also know its a big step and may not be accessible for some :<

no yeah cus i feel so gross and overwhelmed and like not in control of things and so ill start spiraling if i dont get up and take a shower ^_^

not throwing pity confetti in your face, just as someone who can relate at least in some ways, big kudos to u for having so much patience to put up w everything bc it must b very hard not to lose ur marbles all the time,,,, standing w u solider 🫡

OH TRUE I FORGOT AB THAT UGH BARF i remember ig always fucked up my video quality saur bad even after rendering n shit T_T

aaa goodluck bae<3 hehe yeah i always rlly want to after seeing so many pretty edits jdksdkf i might i might we shall see :>

STOPITNFSISD I WISH I COULD INSERT A REACTION PIC BC UR RIZZ GAME I HAVE NO WORDS HAHSDJJJ

mental health is such a fuck up like it's like a ticking bomb the way it can go off at any point of life and the urge to ghost everyone, im so ashamed fr

yeah like most of asian countries i feel like. in our culture mental health is seen as something that is seen interjected with "adulting" like when you grow up you're supposed to feel like this and it's your duty to like make peace with it and if you try to seek help for it your family members kinda take it like a failure like you couldnt even deal with this? there's just a whole lot of stigma surrounding it and on top of that, therapy not being that widely available in south asia is a huge problem.

bro pressure cooker, im glad to know you're actually very up front with your feelings now. it's always better than bottling them up, at least you don't feel like a stranger to yourself either, my issues make me feel like an imposter within myself like it's hard to distinguish between things that I feel like I'm making up and the other things that's fucking me up.

YOU ARE SO NICE I AM WITH YOU TOO MY SOLDIER ILY!!!!

lmao ngl I was like those scenario and concept editors right I would have continued to edit bc my edits were like THSIE most beautiful scenes in kpop mvs but I stopped bc the resolution was ASSS THAT TOO WHITE ASSS!!!!!

OMG i wonder how i rizzed u up 😩😩😩😩

[golbrocklovely]

i'm so exhausted having to deal with the coworkers/managers i have at work being transphobic and/or homophobic.

like, i just don't get why i keep having this issue at work. i swear it's like they specifically hire ppl that are gonna say some off handed shit at work just to piss me off.

i had this issue two years ago, and i'm having it again. and what annoys me is i'm the outlier !! it's fucking insane to me. maybe it's bc i've been surrounded by gay ppl since hs (all my friends back in the day were gay and then i literally went on to major in theater) that i'm just not used to ppl being so blatantly hateful. i understand not "getting" ppl that are different than you. or maybe not understanding what goes on with someone so different. sure. i guess. but at what point do you stop and think "just bc i don't understand them doesn't mean i have the right to hate them or treat them lesser than????"

so the manager i deal with the most is literally 19 years old. i would like to believe that she has time to change her mind and all and especially grow up, bc she has some very weird thoughts that make me go like "oh… you know absolutely nothing about the real world but okay lol" so sometimes i just nod my head to whatever she says bc i'm not about to argue with a literal child. but today she randomly brought up trans ppl, and it just made me so fucking angry. we were breaking down palettes and she's going on about trans women aren't real women, and then she started talking about periods (but what she was saying didn't quite make sense so i just kinda zoned out), then she said "i'm fine with gay and bi and other ppl like that, but keep that to yourself" which like….. give me a fucking break, bitch. then she started talking about nonbinary ppl and saying that they need to "keep that shit to the bedroom" and they need to tell their partners stuff like that bc that's how ppl get diseases but at the same time they gotta stop making that aspect of their life their entire personality. and i'm just like……… what are you talking about? nonbinary is not sexuality. and what i find top tier comedy in the worse fucking way is she said something about pronouns that i don't remember now, but i KNOW FOR A FACT if someone called her a he/him she would be fucking pissed, but others can't feel that??? interesting.

AND THEN while all of this happening, my other coworker is agreeing with her. then my coworker brings up someone they knew that was friends with someone that was nonbinary, and she said that someone tried to out them at work and weirdly they (my coworker and manager) were both in agreement that ppl shouldn't try to out others bc those ppl could get hurt (ie gaybashed) and i'm just so confused how you can be smart enough to know that this group of ppl is hated on for existing, to the point of being assault/killed, but aren't kind enough to not judge them… you know, the thing that leads ppl into assaulting them???????????????

what's the most upsetting about all of this is that i don't feel safe enough to even report this. idk who the fuck to even report this to. my fear is i go to gm and find out she's equally as much of an asshole as my other coworkers. this isn't the first time at my place of work i've dealt with homophobic colleagues. and what makes it worse is i'm bi, but no one knows it. so if i came out and said "hey, don't shit on my brothers, sisters, and siblings alike bc i'm basically one degree removed from them" wtf is gonna happen to me? i'm not scared of my manager, again she's a child. but i'm more worried about what could happen later down the line. will they give me less hours and blame it on something else? will there be hostility towards me bc of my sexual orientation? i work with mostly women - are they gonna be grossed out by me and think i'm into them just bc i like women too?

not to mention i'm not out to anyone in my real life, aka my family. the thing is, i don't feel like i'll be disowned or anything. my brother literally has a bi best friend and truly is very neutral when it comes to shit like this and my mom….. is a bit more complicated. i don't think she'll hate me or anything. but my issue with possibly ever coming out to her is that i don't want to argue or explain myself. like, when you tell someone your favorite color, they don't interrogate you as to why you like it. that's how i feel about my sexuality. i just want it to be a fact about me, not a debate topic. so that's kinda why i've held off on telling my mom. bc i know her, and while she won't kick me out of the house, she will be annoying and go into "but are you really into women? oh cmon angelica, you've always liked men. you're not really bi." ect ect. and imma be honest, i'm 27 years old i'm not about to argue with my mom who i do or don't want to fuck.

i have literally no one to talk to about this and it's driving me up the wall.

so if yall could send some positivity my way in helping me find a better job, that would be appreciated. i seriously do not make enough money to deal with transphobic/homophobic coworkers :)))))