#guess you could call him daddy frost IF YOU CATCH MY MEANING LADIES

[cuteteacakes]

So I looked up what a character in the book I'm reading looks like and.....

Like he's described as having a shaven face to make him look young and yet eyes that seem like they're elderly but HE'S DEFINITELYA LOOKER

[wordynerdygurl]

Costumes & Kittens

Summary: You convince Loki to dress up for a Halloween party and then enjoy a private after party.

Loki x Reader

Warning: SMUT, Funny, Loving Loki

"Are you really going to put on a costume?" Sarcasm dripped from every syllable Loki uttered over the idea.

"Heck yes! And you are too! Right?... Right?" But the look on Loki's handsome face explained exactly what he thought of the idea. Begging him you continued, "Oh, come on! It's so fun!! You get to be someone... or something else for a night."

Waiting for the walk signals to change, Loki looked up and down the street but not at you while saying, "I understand the custom. The appeal of it... but isn't this just child's play? Nonsense?"

You shrugged. "So what if it is? What's so wrong with letting your inner child out to play?"

"My inner child is a miniature frost giant with daddy issues and a desire to conquer... I don't think that's a costume one buys at Target, dearest."

You laughed, he wasn't wrong, really. "No, I guess not... but maybe you're looking at this all wrong. Maybe the question is, 'If Loki Odinson could be anything, what would he be?' Ya know what I mean?"

Shrugging Loki replied, "Anything? I'd be King of Asgard. Or the Universe."

"Be serious for a minute?" It's a tiny bit exasperating trying to explain these kind of things to Loki.

"Serious about a children's fancy dress party?" His eyebrows lifted archly.

"No. Serious about the question. What does Loki want to be when he grows up?" Punching his strong arm playfully, you drive the point home by batting your long lashes at The God of Mischief. He pulls you into a one armed embrace and kisses you sweetly.

"You know I'm over a thousand years old, right? I'm technically over grown at this point." Loki reminds you as he pulls open the door to your favorite restaurant.

"Funny, you don't look a day over 800." Loki nods, chuckling at your quick wittedness. You lean against him, waiting for the hostess to acknowledge your famished existence.

"So, you're going to dress as what, exactly?" Curiosity had Loki caught in its web. Reaching up on tiptoes you kiss his cheek and reply, "That, my dear, is a surprise, unless you want to do a couples costume? Like Doc and Marty... or Westley and Buttercup?" Loki scrunched his nose up.

"Ok. Too soon... so, what about you? Any ideas of what you'd like to be?" The pair of you are flirting like a teenagers as the restaurant hostess finally smiled at you. Leaning into your neck Loki nips your ear gently then husks, "The man who makes your quim quiver."

"How many?" The hostess, slightly put out by your public display, is looking at you with impatient eyes. Your mouth has gone dry with lust so Loki answers, "Just two, dear."

---

"This party is amazing!" You shout to Wanda over the pulsing music. She looked so cute as a rainbow unicorn, her golden horn bobbing in time with the 'Monster Mash'.

"You look so good! Oh my goodness, how funny!" Doubling over, Wanda was in tears at your costume, and you had to admit it was pretty hilarious. "Nat! Come here!"

"Noooo! This is great!! Loki's gonna lose it!" Natasha clutched her flapper's boa closer as she giggled.

"Thank you guys! I worked really hard on it!" You were incredibly proud of your look tonight. Black boots laced over your calves to your knees. The armour you'd pieced together from leather scraps and duct tape hugged your torso in green and gold flaring into a matching skirt. The best part was the flowing emerald cape that had started life as a satin sheet but now followed behind you like a green shadow.

Recreating Loki's horned crown had taken weeks of meticulous papier mache, sand paper and gold spray paint but damn, you felt like Asgardian royalty. Did Loki have this sense of power all the time? You shivered a little at the thrill of it.

Knocking back a long swig of your beer, laughing at Sam and Bucky dressed in those tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber, you realized this party was in full swing. Maybe that's why you were taken by surprise when a low, familiar voice crooned in your ear, "My queen."

Spinning on your heeled boots, you found Loki at your side, hands behind his back, smirk firmly in place. His eyes swept over you, taking in the details of your costume with a raised eyebrow, causing blue flames of excitement to curl low in your belly. You felt a creeping blush rise over you and channelling your inner God of Mischief you defiantly raised your chin Loki's direction.

"Yes... kitten?" Now, Loki called you kitten almost everyday, and it never failed to make you purr. Tonight, you used the endearment because the Trickster was dressed in a jet black three piece suit, black shirt and tie, with two tiny ebony cat ears on his head. His cheshire grin didn't hurt his ensemble at all.

"You look... well, almost as good as I do in that suit." His tone is light but you read a touch of approval in the mix. With a hand over his heart, Loki adds, "I'm honored that you went to all this trouble, little one."

Feeling emboldened by the role you're dressed for, you look down your nose at Loki, just like you'd seen him do countless times before. "Trouble? Not at all. This was something I had lying around. I thought these mortals would appreciate seeing a goddess in all her splendor."

Laughing, Loki replies, "Well you are certainly fearsome, my lady. And may I say, you have excellent taste."

You laugh too, "You may! Come on, let's get you a drink!" Grabbing Loki's hand in yours you pull him towards the bar. The crowd thins a bit as you get further from the music so it's easier to chat. Once you each have a cold beer, you perch on the countertop while Loki leans against the kitchen counter, again looking you over.

"I would be a beautiful woman." He stated wistfully. You snort, almost spitting up your suds. "I don't know about that, but you're a pretty sexy cat, Loki." You reached out and flicked one of the furry ears.

After a sip from his bottle Loki counters, "Of course I am." Curling his free hand into a claw, he does his best feline impression, "Meow!"

With a wide smile you casually say, "You dressed up. I wasn't sure you would."

"You said I could be anyone or anything." Loki's lip lifted into a knowing half smile. Nodding, you concede, "I did." Clinking the necks of your beer bottles together you flash Loki a slow smile. You draw your bottom lip between your teeth as you look at your black kitty cat, practically purring yourself. Loki watched your mouth move, his own lips parting slightly, as he leaned towards you.

You closed your eyes in anticipation of Loki's lip lock when you heard, "Reindeer Games! That is not an acceptable costume!! You can't just wear your battle gear..."

Tony stopped short when he saw your head snap around, golden horned crown bobbing slightly with your movement. Loki peeked at the intruder over your gossamer green shoulder. "Oh. My mistake. Great outfits. Party on." And with that Iron Man, dressed in a perfect replica of Elton John's glitter baseball uniform, swiped a bottle of vodka, and swaggered towards the noise.

"Wanna dance?" You're hopeful that he'll say yes because Loki is great on the dance floor, and he knows it. Grabbing you each a fresh beer, Loki nods, "Yes, my liege." And you laugh again at his deference to your implied title. "Then let's go!" Impatiently you stride back to the waiting crowd of friends singing and partying the night away.

The night passes in a blur of dancing, drinks and laughter. Everyone gets a kick out of you as Loki. You play up the role, ordering people to kneel like he would usually do, cracking sarcastic comments and snide remarks with regularity. You're overconfident and you're high on the bossy bitch this get up brings out in you.

"Kitten, grab me another, will you?" Rubbing under his chin like you'd do to a real little black kitty cat, you stroke one of Loki's velvet ears sweetly before brushing a kiss over his lips. He moans softly at your gentle petting and murmurs, "I think this kitten is ready to call it a night, darling."

You catch his eye and see what he's really saying. It's bedtime, not lights out, something that causes a blush to rise over you. Swaying away from Loki you tease, "You got it, cool cat."

Goodbyes take forever because all of you are well over the tipsy line. Wanda squeezes you for five minutes, unwilling to part from you, trying to tell you a story that she swears is hilarious but you just can't seem to follow. Tony tries to steal your crown but you wrestle it away just in time, blocking Steve from snatching it back again. You wave at Natasha but she's got Bucky pinned under her on the sofa, his orange top hat perched on her head and his hands on her ass.

Loki was waiting for you at the elevator, doors open. "How did you leave everybody?"

"Natasha and Bucky are totally hooking up tonight!" It spilled out of you with a drunken laugh as you stepped inside the mirrored moving cube. Pushing the down button with a skeptical smile Loki asked, "Really? Any other odd couples come out your costume convention?"

Suddenly serious, you step into Loki's space saying, "I'm going home with a black cat. That's fairly odd, since, ya know... I'm allergic to cats."

"I promise you, this tom cat is hypoallergenic. No mangy fur... no troublesome litter box." Boxing Loki against the reflective wall, your eyes lock on his ice blue ones, "And is he well behaved? I don't want a naughty kitty in my bed."

Swallowing thickly, Loki husked, "Maybe just a little." You pushed your body into his, collapsing the space between you, kissing along his throat. Loki lifted his chin with a hungry moan as you nipped his Adam's apple, leaving your mark on his pale skin. Grazing your lips over his strong jaw you make sure to pay extra attention to that sensitive spot just under his ear, where tendon and muscle meet.

"Good kitty." Your whispered praise makes Loki blush faintly, his trousers tighter now, as his body responds to your devious teasing. Pushing away from him when the elevator dings, you clasp his hand and drag an excited Loki into the night air.

With your heavy boots and swirling cape it seems like your stride has widened. There's a power in you that dressing like The Trickster has released and it made you feel other wordly. If you were behaving like your god, cocksure and dominate, then Loki was a mewling furball right now, content to be led wherever you went. You lace your hand to Loki's and start steering you both through the neighborhood, back to your home.

It takes a little bit longer than normal as the streets are full of Halloween party people enjoying the chance to be different for a night. You have your keys ready so it takes no time to slip it into your lock. As you bend over, ready to turn the knob, you feel Loki at your back. His strong hands roam over your hips tugging you into his hard, honed body.

"Uh uh little kitten. It's not time to play just yet." You admonish him while forcing him to release you. "Darling!" It was a whine. You'd never heard Loki beg before and the sound of it made your core clench, unchecked excitement coursing through you. Stepping inside, finally, you didn't pause for a drink or a trip to the ladies room. No, you stomped right into your bedroom, Loki in tow.

There's a moment right before snowflakes start their fall when all the world waits in quiet silence for the flurry to begin. A beat, maybe two, where the balance of nature breathes before being tipped one way or another.

This night, when you faced Loki across your soft carpeted floor, dressed in a replica of his armor, you felt that peaceful pause. Loki stood beside your closed door, eyes snapping with unreleased heat, looking sweet as homemade sin, in that black double breasted suit with pointed pussy cat ears and a hungry grin.

To him you looked like a vision come to life. Where Loki was long and angled hidden in that leather and steel, you were curvy and soft. The corseted costume accentuating your bust, those tall boots lengthening your legs, even the helmet looked sexy and dangerous framing your sweet face.

"Loki..." Reaching out a hand to him, you felt the world tip into frenzy as the flurry started.

It took him two steps to reach you. One hand wrapped around your waist, tucking you into Loki's side, the other curled around your neck, supporting it, as your mouths met. Feasting on your lips like a starving man, Loki deepened the kiss when he buried his hand in your hair and pulled your head back firmly. You felt his other hand brush over your ass cheek before Loki squeezed down hard.

Moaning, "Loki... Loki..." you were being driven out of your mind by his talented tongue. His hand followed the hem of your skirt and you moaned when you felt Loki's fingers slide under the elastic leg of your panties.

Placing a flat palm against Loki's chest, you push away from his embrace. He lunges for you once more but you wiggle free of his grasp, cheeks enflamed and breathing hard. You stop to straighten your helmet before asking, "Little kitten... your goddess has a question for you. Why is no one licking my thighs?"

Loki growls, sounding like an actual rabid animal, as he stalks over to where you're standing by the bed. He shoves you down to the mattress, following you into the soft surface, and kisses you deeply again.

"Be gentle, little kitten..." You teasingly remind the dark prince who is laying between your parted knees. Looking down at you like a cornered mouse, your black cat promises, "You're going to find out that kitties have claws, lovey."

Without pausing, Loki's palms push roughly over your long leather boots. You sigh when his rough skin connects with the smooth satin of your inner thighs. He follows the path blazed by his hands with his moving mouth. A lick, teeth tasting, thumbs kneading, trailing closer to your apex, warm and wet and waiting. Loki switches sides, searing his route to your molten core into your memory.

Reaching for him, you run your hands through his long dark locks, fingers connecting with those little furry triangle ears. You groan when Loki yanks down your underpants, pulling them free over your footwear. Echoing your need, Loki chuckles, "Look at this... my queen, wet and writhing before me. Being me for a night did this?"

Eager to get Loki back to business you counter, "Yes... it feels... amazing."

Rich laughter bounces around your bedroom as Loki says, "It certainly does! Listen, I really like this suit, so give me a moment, won't you darling?"

Sitting up on your elbows, cape bunched beneath you, legs open obscenely you stare at Loki, already loosening his tie. "Um... your queen is NOT ok with taking a break. Get over here and finish what you started!"

One arm free from his dark coat, Loki freezes. "To do that I need to be unencumbered by these clothes, my lady."

Huffy now, you grumble something about rotten timing and shimmy your skirt off without leaving the bed. Loki's shirt buttons are abandoned as he watches you, naked below the waist, corset and cape still shrouding you, helmet on but askew. It's ridiculous and righteously sexy.

"I'm just gonna do it myself. Don't worry Loki, I've got it." You move your hand down your soft tummy, closer to your throbbing clit, anticipating the firmness of your arousal.

"Wait! That's not fair!" He has one leg out of his trousers, hopping around, trying to get them off so he can get back to getting you off.

"Fair schmair, kitty cat." Your fingers spread your lower lips, sweetly dipping into your wetness, the friction making you shiver. Loki, naked except for those ears, locked a tight hand over your wrist. "Allow me."

You try to shrug him off but Loki is able to bring your hand to his lips. Slowly he draws those tasty fingers into his warm mouth savoring your flavor. Blue eyes piercing yours, Loki drops your hand, saying "Now... my troublesome little dictator, this kitty thinks you need a tongue bath."

It's your turn to growl. Loki's strong hands fan over your hips, sliding seductively over your legs. You gasped when he jerked your booted knees over his broad shoulders bringing your liquid center closer to his hungry mouth. Exhaling a hot breathe against your aching cunt, Loki chuckled lowly as you thrust forward, searching for his touch.

Your sigh of frustration turned into a squeal of pleasure when Loki licked firmly through your drenched skin. Flicking his tongue over your clit with tiny licks, like a cat lapping at milk, Loki had you near to climax in minutes. His cat ears tickled the rarely touched place where your pelvis meets your thigh, sending shivers through you. With a rough bite to your straining nub, he pulled away. "Loki! Keep going!", you practically shouted.

But you needn't have bothered. Slowly circling your fleshy pearl, Loki drew it between his soft lips, sucking lightly. You bucked against this delicious torment but Loki's grip on you tightened. His thumbs opened your dripping slit, giving him full access to plunder your depths with his articulate fingers.

Rocking your hips against Loki's hand, his mouth still taking nips and nibbles of you, your orgasm gains power. Your breathing catches, happy hums streaming out of you, as your inner walls tighten around Loki's driving digits. "Loki...... I'm going to cum..." It's a warning and a promise.

"Oh, sweetling, let go. Let me feel the power of your pleasure!" When Loki pressed down on your clit while curling his fingers against your velvet walls you lost your battle with control. First your muscles locked together in glorious, bone cracking tension, then you fell apart like a puppet with cut strings.

Loki stroked your silken skin through your climax, easing your body back to earth. Instead of stealing your energy, your release made you want more. Rolling up onto your knees you reach for your little kitten, tangling a hand in his ebony locks, before forcing your lips together.

You rush your hands down Loki's strong core, over the corded muscles of his abdomen, stopping at the heavy length of his cock. Through gritted teeth Loki sighs, "Careful darling."

"Would you be careful, my kitty cat? I don't think so." Sliding your soft palm along his steel length, you add a touch of pressure, and rub your thumb across his glistening head. Stroking Loki, you kiss him again, your tongue working against his mouth to the same rhythm as your hand.

Loki breaks your grip with a strained groan. "Inside you. I have to be inside you.", he whispers as he drops his forehead to yours, staring into your eyes.

Tenderly you sigh, "Fuck, Loki. That's hot."

Smiling broadly, he nods, "I know, Right?"

Before you can respond, Loki's laid himself on your bed, back resting upon the headboard, his erection proud and ready. "Come here!" Patting his lap, excitement evident, he's in a rush for you to join him.

Pausing to unzip the restricting corset you've been in all night, you let it and the satin cape slide off your shoulders but you keep the boots on. Loki's eyes drink in your gorgeous body, his bottom lip held in anticipation. You reach up to remove the paper helmet hugging your brow only to stop when Loki hummed, "Keep it on."

Giggling softly you nod. There's something carnal about your near nudity which makes you feel emboldened. It's that same power you had in Loki's costume, the feeling of infinite possibilities, all uniting for you. The thrill of it makes you slick with need for the wicked man you're straddling between your thighs.

Your pelvis streched over Loki's, his straining cock pressed between your bodies, those large hands of his molded to you hips. Stroking his length once more, you raised up on your knees and guided him into your tunnel. Loki pushed down on your curves, driving himself inside of you with glorious purpose in one stroke.

Stuttering out a curse word, your head fell back, exposing your neck to Loki and his ravishing lips. With his strong arms pulling you tighter, you rolled your being onto his, taking more and more of Loki's body each time.

When his lips found your breast you groaned. Out of instinct you gripped Loki's head and pulled him closer. His hands drifted down your spine, over your ass cheeks, and hugged you tighter than you thought possible. Your nipples were covered in wet kisses, faint impressions of Loki's teeth were red on your skin, and still you wanted more from him.

Grinding together, your sensitive bud rubbing so deliciously against Loki, your body nears the peak of its passion. His grip on you drags you down, harder and harder, spearing your spiral of desire. Your tender walls shudder around the hard heat of his member. "You're going to cum, little one. I can feel it. Please, please cum for me."

The humid breath of his broken whisper in your ear sends your body into bliss. Shuddering around Loki's bones, you hear him grunt and hold your hips wide over his own as he spills his sexual release into your receptive skin. Gripping him hard enough to bruise, you're locked together, sharing a single body... a single breath.

It takes you both a long while before your breathing returns to normal. Never taking his precious blue eyes off of yours, Loki brushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "I hope my queen is satisfied..." he teases.

"Hmmmmm... yes... yes she is... and my scary black cat?", you ask as you flick one of the flocked ears, now slightly askance. "Oh, he'd purr in pleasure... if that were possible."

Loki stirs inside of you making you jump. "Wait... please. Just a little longer, Loki." You're not ready to let go of his body, his spirit, his heart, just yet. Wrapping your arms across his shoulders, you rest your chin in the crook of Loki's neck and idly play with a lock of his hair.

"Loki?" You murmur, drowsy and still a teeny bit tipsy.

"Yes, darling?" He turns his bright eyes to yours.

"Next year we're going as Westley and Buttercup, from The Princess Bride..." You yawn and slide off Loki's lap, wrapping the comforter around you both.

With a gentle smile, Loki answers, "As you wish, little one."

[sarcastically-defensive17]

Times Like These - LRH Chapter 3 - Emo bitch who threw coffee in your face.

Audrey was used to receiving strange looks when she was out in public. Even if she wasn't pushing a stroller or carrying her daughter on her hip, the near 20 year old often received many stares from people older than her, younger than her and even those her age.

Currently, she was running on 3 and a half hours of sleep, she had oatmeal on the sleeve of her jacket and she had enough anger composed on her small body to lead a one-woman charge on the armies of Octavian at the battle of Actium.

She had barely made it through her 9 AM Roman history lecture only to rush need to pick Lexi up from her daycare and meet Michael for lunch before heading into work for the afternoon.

Thankfully, she had tomorrow off to spend with Lexi and her textbooks. Although she would much rather the former, she had aspirations. And she refused to let those aspirations derail.

She was told by her father, when she announced her pregnancy to her parents, that she would never be able to make it anywhere in life.

She was determined to prove him wrong. Her 10 year plan to raise her daughter and complete a degree of psychology with a focus on adolescents.

She was going to help kids in the way she wasn't helped.

She had not long ago picked Lexi up, stopping to plan a movie night with Jeremy and Marianne before she left. Just as she had stepped into the cafe near the tattoo parlor, her phone chimed. A single message from Michael.

Is it alright if the guys come to lunch? They're dying to see you and Lex.

She couldn't deny that she enjoyed spending time with Ashton and Calum. And she knew Lexi loved to see her Uncle Michael and self-declared Uncle Calum, so her reply was a quick "Sure, see you soon X" before she slid her phone into the pocket of her khaki canvas jacket.

Unfortunately, just as she had turned, small brunette girl on her hip and a coffee and cupcake juggling in her full hands, she met eyes with the same ones she had thrown coffee in a week prior.

"You?"

"Me?" She replied, confused at the purpose of his question.

His blue eyes moved from her own green ones to the brown eyes of her little girls, then back to her own green ones.

If the tall man wasn't standing in her way, she would have walked out of his view, but unfortunately there was only so much she could do while juggling everything in her hands.

She's only thankful that Alexis had naturally started to grip into whatever article of clothing her mother was wearing, as a small assurance that her daughter wouldn't hit the ground straight away if she by chance lost her grip.

"Excuse me?" Her words were sharp, and she gestured around him with her eyes.

The blonde man simply grunted. Stepping aside and gesturing for her to walk with a bored expression on his face.

Audrey couldn't help but notice the way his blonde hair fell flat against his forehead. His black lip ring stood out against his light pink lips and the dirty blonde stubble that shadowed his jawline.

Lexi babbled at the man, reaching out for him as they stepped past. Shockingly to Audrey, the man laughed softly and raised his hand for a high-five from her daughter, to which the small girl obliged, clapping afterwards.

She found a table towards the back of the establishment, and dropped her bag on the back of one of the seats before trying to place everything down as gracefully as she could.

A blur of pink hair appeared beside her, wrapping his arms around the girl on her hip as an excited squeal fell from her lips.

Michael pulled the babe into a bear hug, and Lexi giggled at the sight of her uncle.

"There's my little munchkin!" He grumbled, peppering kisses to his nieces cheeks.

"Mike!" Alexis chanted, kicking her feet in excitement.

This gave Audrey the chance to retrieve one of the many high chairs the cafe had tucked to the side, and when she came back Ashton was holding her daughter in his arms while Michael helped Calum bring over multiple cups of coffee.

"Hello, assholes," she quipped, watching as Ashton settled the girl into the chair and passed over the cupcake, which he remembered to break into smaller pieces.

Calum gasps, feigning offense, "watch it Bilbo."

"Bilbo? That's a new one. What, you manage to sit through a movie that doesn't have boobs?"

"No, I just told him we were watching Game of Thrones and he was patiently waiting to see the blonde lady's boobs," Ashton answered, lowering his voice at the last few words.

Lexi has a tendency to repeat words that her uncles say, specifically. The young girl is quickly getting the hang of her words, and while it is a milestone, Audrey isn't fond of her daughter blurting out words like 'Dick' or 'Fuck' in the middle of daycare or a crowded supermarket.

Michael handed out the cups of coffee, and Audrey's eyes focused on the remaining fifth cup.

The top read 'Flat White, two sugars' which was the furthest from her order of a double shot Long black.

She loved a strong coffee.

"What's with the fifth cup? You know Lexi can't drink coffee, right?" She smirked at the men.

It wouldn't be the first time they had received to feed her daughter something she couldn't have because of her age.

"It's for Luke, he's in the bathroom," Michael answered, watching as Lexi lobbed a piece of frosting at Calum.

The kiwi boy whined childishly, only to be mimicked by Lexi who shook her head around with a smile on her face.

"Ash, can you pull her hair back please? She'll get frosting in it," Audrey pulled a band from her tattooed wrist, handing it off to the man before turning back to Mike. "The same Luke that you've been friends with for like five years but he is never around?"

"You are correct, young Clifford," Ashton quips, his hands fumbling with the hair at the top of Lexi's head. Her hair wasn't long by any means, but it was long enough to get caught up her food of she made enough of a mess. "I can't do this. Babies are difficult." Ashton raised his hands in defeat, passing the band back to Audrey who sighed at the man.

She busied herself with the task, barely hearing when Michael exclaimed, "Here comes Lucifer now."

"Quit calling me that, pinkie pie," a voice sounded, but her blue hair shielded her view while she finally secured Lexi's hair.

The girl kicked her legs again, squealing with excitement.

When Audrey pushed her hair from her face, her expression dropped into one of shock, and annoyance.

"You," she gaped, practically groaning at the sight of  the tall man that had managed to make a bad impression a week prior.

He sighed deeply when he noticed the blue hair and tattooed collarbones. His gaze lingered particularly on the thin cursive 'Alexis' that curled along the bone.

"Me."

"Luke, I'm guessing you already know the hobbit-"

She smacked Calum in the ear, rolling her eyes as a snort left his nose.

"Unfortunately, I do," he mumbled, shifting his eyes to the glare that Michael fixed him with.

"What do you mean 'unfortunately'?" It was no secret that the man was protective of his sister, despite her being younger than him by only two years.  That was clear when he left her ex with a black eye and various other facial wounds when the incident happened. "You two better not have boned!"

Audrey was not in the mood to deal with the drama today. She rolled her eyes at her brother, taking her seat next to her Ashton, who along with Calum had flanked the high chair.

They were preferring to pay more attention to the small child rather than the awkward impending conversation.

"I think I have better taste than that, Michael," she groaned.

"What? Luke is a way better catch than-" he stopped at the glare she fixed him with.

He knew not to mention that name. It was a worse omen than mumbling Lord Voldemort at Hogwarts.

"What I meant, Michael," Luke stole the conversation back from the siblings, "Is that your sister is the one who ruined my favourite shirt."

He was all but glaring a hole through the blue haired woman's head, and she smirked at the memory of their interaction a week prior.

"You're saying that Audrey is the 'emo bitch who threw coffee in your face'?" Michael used his fingers to gesture quotation marks, and a Audreys smirk widened at the thought of striking a chord so deep in Luke that he whined to her brother.

Luke made a noise of agreement, watching as the three men erupted into laughs and cheers, high-fiving the woman.

"That's my girl!" Ashton giggled, leaning back do Lexi could raise her hand for a high-five as well.

"Why did I even come today?" Luke groaned, already regretting his decision.

He could be at home, sleeping. Or better yet, he could have Mandy over. He needed to release his pent up stress.

"Because you live with us but barely acknowledge our existence so you need to show us love every single often," Calum answered, leaving no room for argument in his statement. "And Ashton gathered us all here, and what Daddy says, goes."

Audrey sputtered around the liquid in her mouth, coughing as she tried to force air to enter her lungs again.

"Daddy?" She cringed.

"Yes, dear?" The man giggled, brushing his sandy blonde hair from his eyes, earning an eye roll from Audrey.

Luke fixed his mind elsewhere, focusing instead on a message Mandy had sent him.

It was a suggestive photo, and while he couldn't stand the forwardness of the woman, he promised to see her soon. He couldn't wait to get away from the group. The only one who hadn't gotten on his nerves was the small child who had spent most of the time pulling faces at him, to which he returned with a smile.

"Can we get on with it, please? I've got somewhere to be," Luke groaned, watching as his three friends exchanged a look before ushering Ashton to speak.

"Okay, seeing as Luke needs to leave to fulfill his dick appointment, let's get down to business. I'm moving out."

Audreys brows rose. She figured the first to move out of their shared house would be Michael.

"KayKay and I are going to live together in her apartment, so in a month I'll move in with her," he was beaming. Michael had mentioned Ashton's girlfriend, and Audrey thought she sounded really cool. They had very similar style, and Audrey could appreciate somebody who enjoyed an edgy dress sense. "So Mike, Cal and I were thinking, how would you like to take my room, Audrey? You won't need to contribute the to rent for the first two months, coz I've paid in advance already, but we know you're dying to get out of your dad's house."

She was at a loss of words. It didn't happen often, for the girl often had something on her mind that she wanted to say, but she didn't know how to respond to the offer.

She didn't notice how Luke's face dropped at Ashton's words. He didn't want to live with a girl, let alone a girl and her kid. Even if the kid was adorable and calm.

His mood dropped completely at her next words.

"Uh, yeah? Sure, that would be amazing!"

[dbtrilogy2]

What a Day(14 pt1)

Stanley

I was in my chemistry class working on a big project when I’m called to the main office. Of course the imitate kids oh and ah like I’m in trouble.

On the way I see Julian coming from the stair halls. As I start to call out his name a small hand grabs his.

“Hey wait up….would you show me to the gym I’m new and still learning where everything thing is.”

“Yeah sure I was headed there anyway. Julian.”

“Joan. I’ve seen you around a lot you must be pretty popular.” They walked ahead of me together.

I shouldn’t think to much into this. We know how each other feel. Then again he’s a single guy just like I’m a single girl. We’re both young still in school with the rest of our lives to worry about something like dating.

Who am I kidding my little bit of self esteem just shrieked up a bit. Rather ready or not I should’ve just made us officially. But that would just be like setting myself up for possible failure. He’s a big red target in this school. All the girls throw themselves at him constantly…I’m gonna lose him before I can even really have him.

My walk slowed down the closer I got to the main office. Eventually I did and find my dad standing.

“Um hi?”

“Hey princess-”

“Please don’t do that. What are you doing here?”

“To pick you up for your eye exam.” He smiled winking coming closer. “I know I’ve been a little MIA but I’m back.” He pulls a little stuffed kitten.

“Eric look I’m done with you. I can’t have you in my life if you only want to be around for half of it. I’m growing up quickly and the last thing I need is an unstable father.”

“W-what? Stanley I’m sorry for not being here like I should but-”

I put my hand up stopping him. “I got my last name changed. I won’t be anymore of a burden for you.”

I’ve had enough thought on this. The moment he missed my birthday after being gone for months was the day I let all hope in him go. In a way I’m glad I have him the chance because now I know for sure it wasn’t just my mom being bitter or Chris and Camila not wanting to share me. He’s not a good father I now see it for myself and don’t want that in my life.

I walked out before he could try to sweet talk me. I did keep the little kitten I guess as a reminder. Now that I’ve dealt with him I kinda miss my mom. She and I talk here and there but not a lot.

After she got out of prison then rehab she moved to Washington and became a rehab nurse. She helps people not to the point she reaches and I couldn’t be more proud of her. Maybe I can visit her.

Instead of going back to class I went to the library. A good book will bring my spirits back up.

“Oh hey Stanley.” The librarian says looking up from her computer.

I waved heading for an isle. While looking for something to read I saw someone creeping by. I knew heard the back door open and close since I was close to the back exit and got curious. I probably should just mind my business. But then again I’m sure whoever that was would prefer to be caught by a student rather than the librarian. I flipped a mental coin and just went for it.

What can I say I’m a curious girl. I snuck over slowly opening the back door.

“I’m glad you came to see me.”

“You know I couldn’t go to much longer without seeing my baby. Imma still pick you up tonight tho so be ready.”

I gasp getting their attention. This guy looked at lease by the most twenty maybe eighteen. Frowning I storm over snatching her up.

“You know she’s fourteen right?” I asked mugging this pervert.

He chuckled deep digging in his pocket pulling out a cigarette. “Yeah but it’s all good she’s mature for her age plus that shit ain’t nothing but a number.”

“Oh really is that what your gonna tell the judge. The amount of years you spend behind bars is just a number?” He rolled his eyes. “And you!”

“Stanley relax it’s not that big a deal. We just friends.”

“Please don’t insult my brain. Why are you doing this you have a boyfriend already and it’s his brother!”

“Their not serious…he can’t handle her like I can.”

“Oh really but I bet Big Ben will be able to handle you in the showers.” He smirked looking me up and down. Disgusting! “This has to end how can you do this to Sam?”

“Sometimes you need something else. Shawn is that something else for me we don’t focuse on ages either it’s not a big deal to us. He’s really good company and don’t worry he’s a gentlemen to me at all times.”

“But he got you skipping classes and probably sneaking out the house. Mona please just stop this now no good is gonna come from this guys like him….older but prey on younger are no good and most of the time are just looking for a quick thrill until he finds a woman.”

“I am a woman.” She frowned.

“No you are a fourteen year old girl you can’t even drive yet what could you two possibly have in command. How old are you anyway?”

“I just turned twenty one I got so wasted that night shit was lit as hell! Look I came to spend my break with my girl you taking up time I could be putting to better use.” He came up wrapping her arm around Mona.

“You gave him your flower?”

“No Stanley he just means making out and…some other stuff. I know your just looking out for me and I appreciate it but I’m good. Just don’t tell anyone you’ll be the only person who knows about us.”

Camila

At the food court we both share a Cinnabon with the girls. They ended up with frosting all on their faces.

“They eat like you.” I wipe Mylan face with a baby wipe.

“True I’m a messy eater. You would know that best.” Chris winked wiping Morgan face. “We done shopping or you wanna go somewhere else?”

“I think I’m-” my phone rang cutting me off. It was Maliki pre school. “Hello?”

“Yes Mrs Washington I’m calling about a slight problem that happened with Maliki and another child.”

Damn my bad ass kids!

“Ok we’ll be there shortly.”

“Well the other parent is threatening to call the police.”

By now I had already got up taking the twins with me. Somebody gotta die today.

“Why would the police need to be involved because of some tussle between four year olds!?”

“I’m trying to talk her out of it but it would help a lot for you and your husband to be here.”

Chris was running behind me with all the shopping bags and the rest of his Cinnabon hanging out his mouth.

“Camila Rose Washington if you don’t help me with these damn bags!”

After strapping in the twins and folding up the stroller. “Man up and just stuff that shit in the trunk somebody trynna put my baby in jail!”

“Damn what Mona do now?”

To save time I’ll hit him later. I sped up to that school thanking everything and everybody when I didn’t see any cop cars. I got one of the twins while Chris got the other and followed me to the main office.

“Ki come here.”

He pouted running up hugging my leg. “Look.” He showed me his arms that had a bite mark in both.

I noticed a lady sitting with a little girl looking upset but I can guarantee she not on my level. Chris still looked confused but sat with me. Maliki teacher was next to the principle.

“Mr and Mrs Washington this is sally and her mother Ms May. During recess the altercation happened.”

“So what happen.”

“I noticed them playing then Maliki pushed her and she pushed back then leaned over bitting him on his arms and he pushed her again.” The teacher said.

I sigh pinching my nose. “Ki-”

“Come here boy.” Chris hands Morgan. “Is that true did you push that girl?”

He looked at me. “Mommy?”

Chris grabbed his shirt pulling him in front. “I’m talking to you….did you push that girl?”

“Yes.”

“Why and don’t you lie to me.”

“She…she.” He started tearing up.

Catching me off his scream made me jump. Now I’m not for hitting the kids but Chris on the other hand. “Baby-”

“I got this….you have no reason to be crying I just asked you a question. Don’t you ever put your hands on a female like that again. I don’t care what she does you man up and walk up ass away and tell your teacher what happen. Only weak boys with no home training pick on girls and you are neither. Get over there and say sorry to that young lady.”

Maliki sniffed turning. “I so-OW!”

“Talk like you four not two we stopping that shit right now.”

“I’m sorry Sally.”

“For what?”

“For pushing you.” He came back over wiping his face. “She called me stupid for not wanting to play with her.”

“That doesn’t mean you push her. Sit down.” Chris sighed sitting back.

“Uh ok….well since sally did bite Maliki I think it’s only right for her to apologize as well.” The teacher broke the silence that fell.

The other mom nods. “Go ahead sally.”

“I’m sorry for calling you stupid and bitting you Maliki.”

The teacher said both kids would go without recesss for two days. After getting his things we walk out back to the car.

“When we get home go straight to your room you hear me Maliki?”

“Yes daddy.”

“Chris did you really have to punch him?” I’m still mentality flinching.

“Yes Camila I told you we be to soft on him. He’ll be fine I didn’t even hit him hard.”

“I know I just hate when you hit any of them.”

“I know mama but one of us gotta be giving them the ass whopping that’ll help them become the next president.” He smirked.

“Whatever. Max and Isabel want us to come to dinner with them and the Willis couple tonight.” I grab his hand sitting back as he drives us home. “You talk to Carlton by the way?”

“Nah not much lately he’s been working with Robin for her album.”

“I heard Rebecca told me he’s been coming in really late. You don’t think he’s cheating do you?”

He turned up his face. “No way my boy ain’t dumb but I’ll see what’s up with him. I might try to convince him to get another producer for Robin. Honestly I told him not to take her on alone cause I knew she’s a little flirty.”

“Oh she is? Has she tried you?”

“Yeah but I put that to a end as quick as it started. You know I ain’t with no easy woman I hate when a female is so eager to be seen or be with a man where she has no standards. She knows we’re both married with kids but she don’t give a damn.”

“You told her all of that?”

“Yes Camila I did don’t worry about her you all the woman I need.” He kisses my hand. “Come on let’s get in those two are looking sleepy.”

In the house Maurice and Elias were playing his game. Maliki slowly walked up the stairs to his room like he was told. Chris was behind him with the sleeping girls. I had the boys go get all the shopping bags out the car from earlier.

“Aunt C!” Julian came out the kitchen with a sand which.

“Hey where the girls?”

“In their rooms I think.”

Going up I check on Mona first. She was sitting on doing homework while on face time on her iPad.

“I do not have a big head…ok yeah my forehead is kinda big but it’s not like out this world…shut up…boy bye I look just as good as my parents and they a fly ass couple. They ain’t make no ugly babies.”

“True who you talking to?” She jumped.

“Knocking helps.”

“My house my room. Who you talking to?”

“Sam a little privacy please?”

“Don’t get hurt little girl. We going out tonight I want you and Stanley to keep a eye on the twins and don’t just leave them in their room.”

“Ok ok I got it bye.”

Cutting my eyes I point. I swear that girl is gonna be the death of me.

[dinoalexander]

The Semi Quotable 2017 Part 5

“applebee’s is literally begging to give away their food.” – Christine Teigen

“In the car w/husband, I offered $20 and a blowjob immediately if he could guess the official title. He did not win.” – @SteelyDanRather on the title announcement for Solo: A Star Wars Story

“280 tweets look like serial killer manifestos” – Scott Aukerman

“Dick Versace had two goals in 1989: guide the Pacers to the playoffs and beat Ricky Steamboat as many times as possible.” – Super 70’s Sports

“It’s D-Day and (Robert) Mueller secured the beaches before noon. Run Nazis.” – Mark Frost on the indictment of Michael Flynn

“The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi.” – Luke Skywalker

"The answer is either ass, boobs, or dick." -Jordan

"For the sake of salvaging whats left of the positions dignity for President of the United States...can someone in his staff please for the love of God delete Trumps twitter account? Its now gone from one of the most prestigious positions to "worlds most cringe worthy Twitter handle" in less than 6 months." -Steve

"Plague!!!!!!" -Block

"Donald Trump deals in bullshit the way a bovine fertilizer salesman deals in...well, bullshit." -C

"Sometimes you're the Galactic Empire, sometimes you're the Rebel Alliance." -Heather

"Leave it to us to make 'The Little Mermaid' SUPER awkward." -Q

"Ted Cruz...trippin'?" -Molly B

""Live your life in such a way that Donald Trump tweets mean things about you" -David K

"I remember reading so many posts immediately after the election from people who were absolutely terrified of what was going to happen once Trump was sworn in and Republicans controlled both houses of Congress. As evidenced by the fiasco that's unfolding with the health care bill, it should be clear that you folks had nothing to worry about. Even if they had some sort of nefarious purpose they were trying to carry out in their agenda, it seems as though these guys couldn't find their ass with both hands and a GPS." -Tim

“Well then get your shit together, get it all together and put it in a back pack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it some where, take it somewhere, you know, take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get. Your shit. Together.” -Morty Smith (Justin Roiland)

"Alright, I'm now willing to admit there is a downside to everyone wearing yoga pants in public: I can't tell which of the adults milling about at the gym are here for adult gymnastics and which are just waiting to pick up their kids." -Pam

“Byron Allen’s got me all confused.” -me whenever “Happy” plays on the radio.

"A teacher in the school is selling Girl Scout cookies. The teacher got my order. In related news, someone's daughter is going to Camp Sugarbush this summer. Also in related news, after I eat these cookies, my nickname will be Sugarbush." -Klauss

“Like THAT’s safe!” -Michael, on Quisla’s... erm, safe.

"I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that people die of natural causes." -Rammson

"Donald Trump doesn't understand climate change because he lives in perpetual shade." -Laura

"A close friend referred to this before and after as Exponential Degredation. He said it and he's not taking it back." -The Perfesser

"This would be the equivalent of opening up a Cracker Jack box looking for the prize and seeing it in the bottom ox a box filled with sludge. There's some cool things but do you really want to go through the sludge?" -Gordon, on "Hip Hop Squares"

"You're not minimalist. You're broke." -some guy

"Okay, so we have watermelons.... why aren't there earthmelons or airmelons or firemelons? What happened to the rest of the elemelons?" -Emily Ann

“Thanks for making me confused about my sexuality, Adam Driver. You talented douche.” -Laura

"Unicorn Frappuccinos are what happens when you try and make too much of a good thing for profit. Its the answer to a question nobody asked. It's a Bar Rescue gone horribly wrong." -C

"(As Craig Ferguson) Now he used to be a wrestler and now he's going into politics. Now the two are highly different of course. One involves people with larger than life personalities who make grandiose claims and attack their opponents constantly and the other involves spandex tights." -Brian

"Dang it, PWC! Where were you in November? We could have had Emma Stone as President!" -Clint

“Feelings are real, but they are not reality.” -Dan Harmon

"It's like you've inherited a baby alligator. He was cute for awhile and now he's a big alligator who's threatening to destroy everything but still hangs around you and calls you daddy." -Gordon

"If one of those interchangeable Kardashian chicks dressed as a stewardess interrupted Sean Spicer's press conference by handing him a Pepsi, we as a nation could begin the healing process." -Kevin

"Opened Emma's recital costume and IT WAS COVERED IN GLITTER AND NOW I AM COVERED IN GLITTER AND EVERYTHING I OWN IS COVERED IN GLITTER OMG WHYYYYYYYYYYYY" -Molly B

"It's not terrible, but you can see terrible from where we're standing." -Q

"WHERE ARE MY PANTS!!!" -Michael

"Ladies and gentlemen, my sister, the one-woman Greek chorus." -C

"I have designated February 14 as 'Catch Pokémon, Not Feelings Day'." -J-Ho Boy-Type

"Because that's what ABC thought. This party needs more Lucy Hale." -C

"If I were Samsung I would make my keynote address one sentence. "Samsung galaxy S8… This one won't light itself on fire"." -Brian

"We are not going to let another demon monster take hold and grown and run wild. We are going to nip this problem in the bud. WE ARE GOING TO KILL HITLER AS A BABY!" -Q

"To quote the great Panamanian philosopher Roberto Durán, 'No más'." -C

"I broke my banana." -Q, re: an actual banana.

"Los Angeles has two football teams, two baseball teams, two basketball teams, and two hockey teams, but no curling teams?" -Kevin

"I have to wait for the Luther breakdown to finish!" -C

“Ugh. I really wish I had something cool to say.” -Johnny Yong Bosch

"Less Donald Trump! More techno music!" -bus random to a Bop It!

"Someone told me that being verified on Twitter “really doesn’t do anything” but that person is 1) wrong and 2) head of a social media dept." -Cory

"How did you know Carolina was going to beat Duke?" -Q

"Quisla... its U.N. motherfucking C. They handle shit. Consider this shit handled." -C

"my most-recent counseling appointment had me reaching the following conclusion: i fully acknowledge that i am a jackass, and my attempts at keeping myself from being a jackass has stifled what people like in me as a consequence of not wanting others to think badly of me. so what am i to do? just be a jackass and shoulder the consequences no matter when and where it happens? not entirely -- if i am to have my moments of jackassery, i will make better efforts to steer those spells towards being a jackass for the right reasons. sometimes it takes a jackass christian speaking up when someone claims to be a christian but whose words and actions are far from the basic command of 'love one another.' sometimes fighting for the weak and powerless means being a jackass towards the mighty and powerful. sometimes only an absolute jackass would punch a nazi in the face. i'm josh eldridge. i am a jackass. i hope this admission doesn't effect our friendship." -Josh

“Kylo Ren is like a sullen, resentful jungle gym.” -Laura

"I'm going to make a screwdriver because it's cold as shit outside." -Shelly

“I’m Regis Philbin! Welcome to night 24 of Who Wants To Get Impregnated?” -Jordan

"I just can't girl right." -Shannon

"Our long national pasttime is over." -Jessica, on overlong baseball games

"You may have a problem if the Target cashier recognizes you, knows you by name, and asks if everything was good because you didn't come in on your 'normal' day. Yay! I'm a regular!" -Aryn

"I read my bed all the time! It's a Serta!" -Kitty Carrion

"Does Baby Jojo need a binky?" -C

"I sense a great migraine in the Force...as if millions of white people were trying to get woke at the same time." -Laura

"Well the inauguration is over, finally after two years we can all get back to normal and... *boots up facebook* ...and I'm going to stay off Facebook until January of 2021, cheers 🙂" -Brian

"What fruit is the state of Georgia famous for? ... Todd Chrisley." -C, at quiz night

"So, apparently as an instructor, referring to the start of a new semester as "hazing" is frowned upon." -Heather

“2017 in a nutshell: You see “Mario Batalli :(“ as a Facebook status and you say to yourself, “Dead or pervert?”” -Adam

"Fun fact: staying sane is hard." -Jordan

"If I performed my job with the same razor-sharp precision with which meteorologists perform theirs:

Boss: Is this the data you promised me three weeks ago? Because it looks like completely wrong information.

Me: Yeah, but, as you can see, I've color-coded it in lovely hues of blue, purple and pink where I thought it would make it look nice.

Boss: Yep. Looks great! Keep up the good work.

I am clearly in the wrong profession." -Molly B

"😂😂😂 if I was meant to behave, I wouldn't have been born so good at misbehaving 😛" -Emily Ann

"Seen on a group page tonight:

Everything Kirk Cameron touches turns to patriarchy." -Shrub

"In other news, 30 oz of ribeye can be converted to 0 if you just believe in yourself." -Justin S

"Bacteria gets me so hard." -Jordan

"Oh REALLY..." -Q, reaching for Jordan's pants

"Who here loves animals but hates that Sarah Maclachlan commercial?" -Sweet Tea Shakespeare guy

“Hey... I run them miles. I’m slow as fuck, but I run them miles.” -C

"Trying to stay positive in a world full of assholes is like trying to shovel hot jello from a wheel barrow using a pitch fork with only one prong!" -Sheila

"If there's one thing I learned in college, it's: never underestimate the power of an icy, cold shower beer. Thanks guys!" -Dahlia

"No, no, no. I can't have penises all over my car tonight. Tomorrow night, maybe, but no penises tonight." -Nicole W

"Maybe for Lent Trump should just give up." -George Takei

"She wanted someone to take the pickle, so I did." -C

"Too... many... JOKES!" -Brian

"Saw the Barca result. Ah, so that is why folks riot." -Steve P

“I can’t have weird Chico. I live with him.” -Q

"Yay sports! Spoooooooorts!" -Milana Vayntrub

"You're at a bar. Playing bar trivia. Against an IQA ranked quizzer and his sister who would also be IQA ranked if she made the trip to Raleigh with me that morning. We are naturally expressive people within our family. That comes from being the children of Carlos and Olivia Alexander. We laugh together, we love together, we cook, fight, and emote together. And when we win, we emote like hell. If you don't like it when we win, next time bring smarter friends. Until then, get the fuck over it." -the son of Carlos & Olivia Alexander.

"This is my face when I find out some epically old karma has been served." -Shannon

Okay, one more oughta do it.