#guy has to show his assets asap

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Ugh where do I even begin? Your writing is just… *sounds of heavenly choir.* I was especially pleasantly surprised by the nun fic. I will admit I hesitated to read it for a while as a Catholic (yes idk why I’m on this corner of the internet either) stories that use this premise tend to be blasphemous given the… well premise. But I was blown away with the care and grace the story was handled and the way the mcs relationship with her religion was portrayed. It felt so authentic and so pure and i forgot I was supposed to be reading a raunchy fanfic. I could go on forever about the themes and prose and EVERYTHING but I’m not sure I even have the words to describe the pleasure reading your work brings. Please never stop writing!

Anywho, I was playing this other game, it’s a cute lil dress up and cyoa sim that follows a researcher shipwrecked on a mysterious island with a tribe of cannibals (?) that worship a fire goddess. It’s interesting on it’s own but it also reminded me of some of your writings characterization of König especially after reading your Minotaur fic.

Like I can totally see König foraging for food and professing his undying admiration for a woman who just washed up on the beach. The main LI just screamed Roman and now Minotaur König to me so if you ever decide to write about deserted island König x archeologist Mc who just wants to make sketches of this cool cave art from an ancient civilization she’s researching then go home, I’ll be first in line to read it.

The game is called “wild love” and here’s the link in case you were curious.

Hope you’re safe and warm and generally having a good time <3

Oh my god the pictures from the game 😭😭😭 Wild man König strikes again!!! “You fascinate me, filling me with strength” clearly translates to -> “Woman, you make me hard” in König language

And I’m so glad to hear you liked my Christian Woman fic 🥺 For me, a dash of realism is usually more intriguing than wild fantasies (not that there's anything wrong with those!!) + I love to write some good old romance so it makes me really happy to hear there's folks who enjoy reading such things ^^ Thank you for the lovely message! 🩷✨️

[whumpacabra]

In for a Penny

Blood, firearm mention, referenced conditioning, implied past torture, vaguely implied past noncon, fictional politics

[Directly follows New Tricks]

Jackson sat at the desk for an hour, ass going numb in the hard wooden chair. His brain wasn’t much better - he hadn’t slept, and he was thinking himself in circles too much to even consider it. So, he sat, and watched the half dead man he spent most the night stitching back together sleep soundly on the floor.

He couldn’t drag this guy back to Command, not with the shape he was in, not knowing how eager they were to crack him open and find any secret Smith had left behind. But he couldn’t just stay holed up in a mediocre hotel all day either - hell, Beth probably was worried sick after the disappearing act he pulled last night. God, he was in for a brutal verbal beating, but he needed to get it over with.

He needed someone on his side who could help him figure out what the hell to do.

The blackberry flip phone rang once, twice.

“Hello?”

“I’m alive, by the way.” He swallowed a nervous chuckle, keeping his voice quiet. While he worried he might wake Wolf, the man lay as still and as deeply asleep as he had been all morning.

“Jackson. I’m going to kill you.” Despite her tone, he knew she was relieved. “Command has had half the cops in the city combing for you, we’re all casing the neighborhood you last commed from - what the hell happened?” There was a beat, her anger and frustration distilling to icy suspicion. “Why are you giving me a personal call instead of comming Command?”

“One of the targets is dead.”

“Yes. I noticed when I showed up to a back alley at fuck o’clock in the morning looking for you, ya wanker. One to the head, two to the chest - like a professional.” Jackson opened his mouth, then closed it. Command probably monitored their calls.

“It’s easier to explain what went down in person, but suffice to say I’m safe and the mission isn’t compromised; I just bunkered down for the night and…forgot to comm in.”

Beth hissed a sigh, accepting his excuse easily enough. It wasn’t his first time ‘accidentally’ leaving his comm off.

“Do you have the target’s hotel key?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Good. Meet me at the hotel by 9. Command wants us to inspect the room before we let forensics take a stab at it. Wouldn’t want those idiots losing the asset.”

Whatever the hell that even was.

—

Jackson acknowledged Beth as she stepped into the elevator. Professional and fresh, ready for the day. Unlike Jackson, who was predictably haggard after a sleepless night. Not to mention he was worrying himself to death thinking of Wolf waking up alone - would he even notice the note Jackson left?

Would he trust Jackson enough to stay put?

“Sleep well?”

“Terribly. You?”

“Wonderful. 9 hours straight.” She cracked a smile and elbowed him. Comms were on. Command was listening and despite it all she trusted him enough to act like she wasn’t worried. “Averaged together we’re fine. Your place really that bad?”

“Just a bad night.“ He could explain Wolf’s situation later; they were on the clock.

The door opened with a chime, the pair stepping out and heading to the dead American’s hotel room. 24D. Jackson tried the keycard twice before giving up and using the traditional key. Hopefully this dumb electric key nonsense didn’t catch on.

The ‘do not disturb’ sign jangled as the handle turned.

“Bloody hell…” Beth sighed; Jackson could smell it before he turned away from closing the door. “We need to call the boys ASAP. There might be another body.”

Jackson had to agree, the room did look like a murder scene.

Three nights. He had watched the window from the roof of the building across the street and noted the lights went off at 20:00 every night. No movement. Beth confirmed as much during her shifts. How did they miss this?

Blood was still wet where it was pooled on the bathroom tiles, tub streaked pink from a quick rinse. Suture thread and a bloody needle were smeared in handprints on the edge of the sink. But that was tame compared to the mess that was the bed.

There was only one bed - queen sized, for a couple’s suit. The sheets were a tangle of blood and worse - the salt of sweat and the distinct sour tang of vomit hung heavy in the air.

(Wolf’s refusal to sleep on the bed made more sense.)

(It had taken Jackson hours to properly clean and stitch and bandage the wounds across Wolf’s chest and arms and back. Jackson shuddered at the dawning horror that he certainly had worse left untreated.)

“Command.” Beth had made her way to the window, cracking it open with gloved hands despite the winter chill. The fresh air was sorely needed. “We need forensics at Smith’s hotel. This place looks like a slaughter house.”

“Say again, Agent Adams?”

“Forensics. Smith’s hotel room is a bloody mess and I don’t have the stomach to check the drains and bins for body parts.”

Jackson wasn’t sure they would find any. He almost said something before Command came through the line again.

“Can you identify the asset on site?”

“What is the asset?” Jackson asked with a thread of annoyance. He understood the secrecy but all he could think of was Wolf curled up in that broom closet and parroting clearly trained dialogue lines.

Command confirmed his fears.

“Romani male, dark hair, approximately 190cm, well built. Notable scars from tattoo removal on left side and right forearm - ”

“The asset is a person?” Beth’s incredulous stage whisper saved Jackson the embarrassment of letting his mounting anger bubble over.

“Yes. His designation is the Wolf.”

Jackson focused on his breathing, trying to purposefully move his own gloved hands to sift through the dresser drawers. Wolf. He was the asset. Property of the US government.

“You didn’t think to tell us the target was - this would have been a hell of a lot easier if we knew we needed to separate the two tangos.”

“The information was need to know, and you didn’t need to know.” Command paused, but spoke before Beth’s muttered curses could roll through the line. “Agent Smith and the asset were together, correct?”

“Until last night.” Jackson felt the lie chipping his teeth. (What would have happened to Wolf if he had reported his presence last night? What would happen if he handed him over to Interpol now?) “What happens when we find him?”

“Interpol wants him alive. That’s all I’m cleared to tell you, and I’m only telling you because from what it sounds like there’s a good chance Agent Smith liquidated the asset before we could get to it.”

“Liquidated. Sure.” Beth scoffed, uncomfortable nausea rolling in her words. Jackson knelt next to an unzipped duffel bag, leafing through the folded clothes with disinterest. He was half dazed by the information - he should say something, he should ask for more information - but the comms clicked dead.

It was just him and Beth now.

“Beth.” His voice felt small. The other agent sucked air through her teeth and grimaced.

“I don’t want to see a dismembered limb or dead or - ”

“Beth, I don’t think there’s a body here.”

Oh, fuck, he left an internationally sought after asset in his crappy hotel room with a note saying he would be back in an hour or two. For all Jackson knew Wolf had already skipped town.

“Oh, fuckin’ hell, I shouldn’t have left him - ”

He was already out the door before Beth could answer. She chased him to the elevator, stripping off her bloodied gloves.

“What the hell are you talking about? Jackson, I know you didn’t get much sleep, but you’re - ”

“I left the Wolf at my hotel because he was unarmed and scared and hurt and I thought - I didn’t think. He wasn’t in any condition to talk so I didn’t say anything to Command because I was just gonna help patch him up, figure out what the hell happened to him, and I now realize I have left the mission objective alone in a first floor room at the Well’s Inn across town.”

The elevator doors opened with a ping, a clearly stressed pair of tourists and their young son squeezing into the elevator. Beth spent the remaining 28 seconds of the ride to the ground floor trying to melt Jackson’s face with her eyes alone.

It wasn’t until they got into her car that she snapped.

“What the hell do you mean the asset is in your fucking hotel room?” Beth was kind enough to start the vehicle and begin speeding across town, aggressively driving and definitely breaking a few speed limits.

“He killed Smith.”

“Oh, and that’s supposed to inspire confidence - you’ve got a murderous asset in your fucking hotel room?”

“Elizabeth, something’s wrong.” The use of her full name got her attention as she impatiently waited at a red light. “I don’t - you saw Smith’s room. That’s his blood. Wolf’s blood. Smith did that to him. I spent half the night patching him up and I didn’t even - oh, Jesus, I only saw what was under his shirt.”

“Okay. Okay that - that is fucked up. And - and fuck, we need to find him, and get him to Command. We need to tell Command - they, they’ll know what to do.”

“They’ll just hand him over to the CIA agents in Interpol. God knows what they’ve got in mind for him. Poor bastard.” Jackson muttered, partly to himself.

He knew the internal investigation Smith was escaping was messy. But he also knew that it was…fruitful, if Interpol wanted the ‘asset’ he ran off with. The agency thought they could use Wolf. How and what the terrified man sleeping on the hotel floor could be used for, Jackson wasn’t sure.

But it couldn’t be pleasant.

The pair of agents barreled into the sleepy hotel, briskly making their way to Jackson’s room. It hadn’t appeared that the window had been tampered with from the outside but there was a chance…

The door swung open, hinges squealing as Beth swept the room with her pistol, Jackson following close behind. And there was the Wolf, kneeling at the foot of the bed, looking up at them with a painfully blank expression.

“Sir.” He acknowledged with a dip of his head, dark eyes flicking between Beth and Jackson, fear and apprehension storming behind a facade of calm. Beth looked to Jackson, holstering her weapon.

What now?

[Directly before In for a Pound]

(Part of my Freelancers: Changing Tides series)

Taglist: @stargeode

[sarangbe]

✨ hi, friends! ✨ with next gen s2p3 dropping, i would absolutely love to plot with more people involved in the show! 🥰 so, if your muse is involved in next gen s2 and could use some help from sarang, or would love to thread with he and i for any reason, let me know by liking this post and i'll message you asap! i'll also be reaching out to the individuals in his team privately to kickstart conversations! below the cut is a quick rundown of some of the things he excels at/how he could help your muse, as well as some other general ideas for threads! 🥳

1.

sarang's biggest assets are visual appeal, stage presence, charisma, and general performance skills. these typically manifest in a mastery of facial expressions, adding stylistic touches to performances, the ability to command attention, fearlessness of the center role, and overall watchability. he's not the best dancer, but this skill of his has improved over time, but he cannot offer much assistance when it comes to vocal work and rapping. he can't sing or rap, y'all. don't even ask. though, if your muse needs to work on stage presence and capturing the vibe of a song, etc., he's your guy! 🥰

primarily though, he's at next gen to boost everyone up and be their biggest supporter. he succeeded in next gen by remembering to have fun and infusing that into everything he did, and he's perfect to talk to if you need a hug or a pick-me-up!

2.

as far as threads are concerned, here's some ideas:

your muse comes across as cold, stoic, and has blank expressions. let sarang teach them how to possess more warmth, even if it's fabricated.

is your muse having a hard time in the competition? do they need a therapy session or pep talk? come to sarang! he always knows just what to say to make a person smile and feel good about themselves. he'll wrap you up in good vibes!

sarang loves downtime away from practice, and he'd be a coach that wouldn't shy away from doing a leisurely activity with someone to take a break from all the goings-on. after all, breaks are important to success! he can help your muse with their fashion aesthetic; they can grab smoothies or lattes; he can teach them how to take good selfies and edit them to perfection; etc. etc. etc.!

is your muse a "fan" of his? do they hate him and think he didn't deserve to win the first season? maybe they can have a run-in on the show and we can see where things go!

[total-drama-atlas]

Episode 6 time yall

Okay yeah terry is great as Chris. Still not the original ofc but pretty dang good

I’m just thinking of all the people who followed Julia who would be watching the show. Bc even if MK hadn’t uploaded that video of her they still would have seen her reading that raptor to filth. She just wouldn’t know why she was losing followers. Right?

why does Wayne’s beard look like that 💀💀

Also they say they have no facial hair. Wayne literally has a tiny soul patch.

MK is a menace and I love her

I honestly love how they didn’t reuse the internet designs from the later seasons. It might be them not feeling like using those assets, maybe they wanted some different stuff. But it also adds timeline accuracy so

I love the new Julia. She’s a girlboss honestly.

I love how excited Wayne and Raj get they are so cute

This episode would be way more enjoyable if it quit BUFFERING

I love how Chef is almost fatherly this season. Like he’s grown since the early seasons and realized his mistakes, and is trying to help these kids, balance out his husband’s crazy work, and still get a good paycheck.

And when he tells raj and Wayne they have to go one at a time they seem so sad :((

I love how happy Emma is that Chase is literally screaming and fainting midair in terror

Bowie jumping in to help Raj 🥺🥺

what did they do to her 😭

I LOVE HOW FLUSTERED RAJ GETS AROUND BOWIE ITS SO CUTE

OMG THEY KISSED THEY KISSED THEY KISSED

GUYS THEY KISSED OMGGG

stop they Bowie responded 💀💀

I LOVE YOU RAJIE

I LOVE HOW EXCITED WAYNE IS FOR RAJ THEYRE SO WHOLESOME

EVEN THE SHARKS ARE HAPPY FOR THEM

THE WORLD IS GOOD

I love zee

I love he keeps making things up about how he lost his leg. It’s so funny. “True story 😌” (confessional) “not a true story. Fabricated it, man.”

my good sir did you just throw away your LEG???

wheres that post about the weed soda that looks a lot like the one zee drinks. because since I saw that I have not been able to get that out of my mind

IF THEY VOTE OFF WAYNE RAJ MK OR BOWIE I WILL BE SO PISSED

Guys MK is so funny. MKulia real

I love how excited Wayne is for raj

“she’s been watching our confessionals, she’s the one who leaked my video, and she heard me calling you all buttknuckles” “what” “that parts not important”

I KNOW Julia has to stay for plot but like… MK is such a fun character. The season needs a villain and either could work but MK already got exposed making her less compelling for this season. But I like MK

They called Gwen the new Heather for kissing Duncan but the real new Heather is Julia I think

Good ep except MK is gone and not ripper or chase because omg I want them gone asap

[georgiapeach30513]

Scott pilgrim has an incredibly niche and dedicated fanbase and they were stoked for an anime series. Edgar Wright also very clearly thinks of this project as his baby (and Brian O’Malley, especially since he was the creator of it all.) I don’t think they were ever going to let it fail. Especially since they waited so long to do this AND the entire original movie cast basically signed on to do it asap.

The CE turned hater whatevers are hilarious to me at times because 25 losers on tumblr who spend 24/7 stalking his flights and soba noodle prices should have realized that a lot of Scott pilgrim fans also enjoy Lucas lee and a lot of ppl were pleasantly surprised he’d turned up to do this again.

I think Chris has a decent fan base in the comic book crowd (primarily for his Steve portrayal but also the random other things he’s done like Scott P, the losers, fantastic four, etc.) he has a whole fanboy fan base too and those guys are likely the ones tuning in to watch his Netflix movies (lol). One of my guy friends is a huge CE fan - he loves him and Ryan Gosling and the guy literally said one of his all time favs was Chris in the perfect score (LOL). He’s like “I’ve always liked him and his cap trilogy is the best in the MCU and he has a great Ass.” This guy is your standard football watching Vegas hopping guy who will watch stuff like the gray man but probably won’t care to follow up on people magazine lol.

Point blank there actually are a lot of men who admire Chris and his assets (LOL) and they tend to be typical dude crowd. Chris has that ability to appeal to nerds, comic book geeks, women, basic betches, teenage girls, and grown ass men. I think that’s a very special thing.

Say what you want about him but I think more people are upset he’s not doing better movies post MCU than whoever he is dating. Which means - if he starts doing more projects that get people excited you will see more people tuning in for him.

Just my two cents.

Oh 100%!! I love that Edgar Wright was true to Brian’s original creation. The cast, script, director, and animators did amazing! Bringing back the original cast was the cherry on top. They jived really well and it shows.

Those “fans” are seriously just whatever. This is the last ask I’m going to do on the subject. Ignore the trolls. If you give a mouse a cookie! Anyways, Scott Pilgrim has a solid fan base so it was always going to do well.

Ghosted wasn’t great by any stretch of the imagination. I enjoyed it and watched it more than once. But I will say it didn’t crack my top 10 of his projects. He did well. The script sucked. But I also think the role should have went to someone much younger. I don’t know, is Jaeden Martell or Finn Wolfhard too young? Maybe Jacob Elordi or that other kid, Noah Centineo? It wasn’t believable as a “38” year old man personably.

Chris has a wide fan base that expands past women. I promise you. My dad has became a fan 😂 I love when he tells me about one of his movies and says, you would like it and I’m just like, uh huh. Yeah. He did say he wants to watch him be a detective and wants him in a western. So random. That man has watched many of his movies and not by my influence.

Chris has a universal appeal. And I think a lot of his fans want more from him. So many of us will support all of his projects, but don’t dumb us down. Give us good projects to work with. But we can’t deny that there are fans, like myself, who are a fan of him as well. No, I didn’t ever buy into this Prince Charming that Disney sold us, but I also can’t say I haven’t been disappointed in the past year. Am I “mad” at him? Nope. Just want more and better for him.

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x01 Review

New Year’s Eve was a great way to return to HSMTMTS especially after such a long gap. Let’s dig in!

Vladimir Lenin once said that, ‘’ there are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen". It’s been almost a year and half since S1 ended but this past week has seen revelation after revelation as the fandom has resurrected itself and promotion for S2 kicked into high gear: Joshua Bassett came out, Frankie and Joe confirmed that they are a real life couple, Larry seemingly confirmed that S2 will only have 11 eps rather than the 12 initially ordered, and perhaps most importantly Olivia revealed that she and the main cast are under contract for 4 seasons and made clear that she’s leaving the show as soon as her contract is up.

I really enjoyed this premiere, it felt like picking up right back where we left off. I’m guessing that S2 was originally supposed to premiere around Christmas or New Year’s but the holiday decorations and real Utah snow add a charming aesthetic to the ep. Tim Federle deserves credit for giving HSMTMTS more of an ensemble feel which is no easy feat with a cast as large as this show has. It likely won’t last due to covid restrictions  but at least for tonight we got to see all the characters hanging out together acting like a real group of friends.

The dialogue tonight really reminded me of Glee and I think I mean that as a compliment. Miss Jenn in particular seems to be doing her best April Rhodes impression minus the alcoholism. 

The rini scenes tonight were lovely. Perfect gift was a great song and I loved the rini duet during the music in me as the world faded around them leaving just the two of them. The Harry Styles reference is funny in light of Josh’s coming out interview. Of course, it’s hard now to separate Nini and Ricky and Olivia and Josh. Their chemistry shines through as 2x01, 2x02, and possibly parts of 2x03 were filmed pre Jolivia breakup which seems to have happened around summer 2020. Whether they can keep that same chemistry later on in S2, not to mention future seasons, remains to be seen.

A major theme tonight was communication and clearly Rini need to work on theirs. Poor Ricky had to learn that Nini’s moving to Denver the night before she leaves town which has to remind of him of his mom effectively abandoning him. Ricky saying that he’s never gonna breakup with Nini ever again sure sounds like foreshadowing for a disaster though the odds that this time Nini initiates the breakup are pretty good. 

I’m glad that the show is continuing to delve in the Bowen’s divorce story with their house being sold and Ricky and his dad having to move into an apartment. Divorce is expensive and the division of assets typically leave people less well off. Mike Bowen needs to work on his communication skills but he’s rocking that beard; it takes him from depressed divorced dad to depressed divorced daddy.

Seblos was cute and in a nice change of pace Disney doesn’t seem to be cynically teasing them then cutting their scenes. It was refreshing to see them just being a couple and to hear Carlos casually refer to himself as gay. In that regard tonight’s ep didn’t seem like it was a Disney show at all and it’s major progress that there are now two main gay characters on HSMTMTS. We learn that Carlos is rich which seems likely to be a source of conflict with Seb who comes from a large farming family.

Bet on It was really fun and I liked that Ricky apparently couldn’t stop singing it. The medley of HSM 2 songs was fun but I’ll be real with you wildcats, I never thought HSM 2 or 3 were nearly as good as the first movie so I’m not sad that they’re doing something else this year.

Wild that Big Red’s mom also calls him Big Red. Salt Lake Slices seems poised to be a big part of S2 both as hangout spot and work location for some of the characters. Redlyn are sweet together but sometimes Big Red comes off as a closeted gay guy which isn’t ideal for a het pairing that is supposedly a big part of S2.

Nice to see Gina so excited to have sleepovers with Ashlyn. We know from 2x03 that Gina contends with being single on Valentine’s day and from her glances at Ricky tonight she’s clearly not over him. Tim’s playing with fire and I can only hope he knows what he’s doing. I liked the little detail of Kourtney having AOC on her vision board, it feels true to the character (hopefully AOC gets elected president one day if the USA doesn’t collapse into a fascist dictatorship or civil war before then). EJ’s beard has got to go but I like that he seems committed to being a better version of himself; very doubtful his plan to go straight to Duke like his forefathers doesn’t change by the end of the season. 

Derek Hough did a good job of playing Zach as a subtly condescending man who managed to swiftly undermine Miss Jenn’s confidence, we’ll see what he and North High bring to the table.

Looking Ahead:

Next week are auditions for Beauty and the Beast, we know Ashlyn gets the role of Belle and EJ has conveniently removed himself from the running for Beast which presumably clears the path for Ricky to take the lead. There’s been some controversy over the casting choices and I’ll save my comments about it for the 2x02 review.

We get to see Lily who looks like a meaner version of season 1 Gina, we’ll see how much depth she actually ends up getting. Howie is introduced in 2x03 and Antoine likely shows up later on. Jack likely shows up towards the end of the season.

Howie seems to have a connection with Kourtney though the character synopsis does say he gets close to a wildcat or two which certainly leaves room to slide him into Gina’s plot. We know Antoine is into Ashlyn so that’s another love triangle to look forward to. Jack was described as having wanderlust and most of the cast seems not to have filmed with him so I think it’s likely that he plays a role in convincing EJ to take a gap year rather than head straight to Duke. 

A translation leak on TikTok reveals that in 2x03 Gina is sad that she’s only gotten a Valentine’s Day gift from her mom. A brief clip from the promo shows up her on her porch at night holding a heart shaped box of chocolates. If that’s supposed to be from a secret or semi-secret admirer than it has to be from either EJ, Ricky, or Howie. If it’s a platonic gift then it could be from anyone, we’ll see what Tim has up his sleeves.

Nini moving back to SLC is a question of when not if. It’s going to be very difficult to bring her back in a way that’s justified and also doesn’t leave the time she spends in Denver looking like a total waste. Frankly, I’d rather the show just bite the bullet and bring her back with as little fuss as possible.

We’re possibly around a quarter way through HSMTMTS given that the mains have 4 season contracts and presuming that the show is not cancelled earlier. At the very least the show will be radically different after S4 if they try to continue it as Olivia has made very clear that she’s going to leave asap to pursue her burgeoning music career full time (notably she’s only done the bare minimum of promo for S2). 

Looming over the remaining seasons of HSMTMTS is what the professional relationship between Olivia and Josh looks like especially since in many ways the show is built around Ricky and Nini. Off screen relationships have often caused on screen problems and dating a co-worker is rarely a good idea since even clean breakups leave lingering resentments. Obviously the Jolivia breakup was not clean, Driver’s License, Deja Vu, and Good 4 U (which is a certified bop) were clearly written from a place of hurt and in some ways were written to hurt. It’s no surprise that Joshua has dropped his duet with Sabrina Carpenter from his EP; someone on his team at least is trying to stop the damage to his reputation. There’s a decent chance that Olivia’s songs becoming such hits has irreparably damaged Joshua Bassett’s reputation among the same pool of largely young women that he’s targeting his music towards thereby cutting off his music career at the knees. If nothing else this behind the scenes drama should keep things entertaining for a while.

Until next week Wildcats 

[mudzdale]

u kno what screw it. nuzleaf supermysterydungeon hc timeline

-seedot leaves home and evolves into nuzleaf (around 18 yrs old equivalent). home is where he picked up his southern mannerisms and upbringing, which stick to him like glue despite the extensive travels and experiences he accumulates through his life

-spends ~15 years travelling the world

-encounters dark matter in an evil forest. details unclear but it’s because he opted to delve deeper into what was already a pretty ill-advised exploration to begin with

-agrees to partnership (read: yields to possession) with dark matter, having been promised power, influence, and respect, and they begin to travel the world with nuzleaf as a vessel

-dm already has a few full vessels, including yveltal, but dm and nuzleaf vibe the best. nuzleaf is given responsibility for many of dm's errands

-they encounter and recruit the beheeyem at some point, who become favored vessels due to their preexisting teamwork and psychic power. they were also a voluntary possession, although theyre not as ambitious. they prioritize the safety of their trio

-when a vessel is possessed by dm, they experience the voidlands for themselves--not sent there through being turned to stone, but thru visions such as nightmares, etc. dm uses this as leverage, to threaten its vessels with what will happen if they step out of line, but also to just. make em upset. fuel the stone-making rampage with bad vibes

-anyways. dm at this point is aware of mew having been reborn ~10 years ago, and with more of its plans coming into place, it wants to start tracking down the child heroes. it has nothing on the status of the human hero at this point

-nuzleaf tracks mew to serene village relatively quickly, but doesnt make his presence known

-having ‘secured’ mew’s location, the vessels of dm begin a globetrotting search for the human child, who they assume to be reincarnated as an infant the same way mew was

-dm eventually connects the dots and figures if mew ~just happened~ to wind up next to the sacred spring, the human likely will as well

-about 2 years have passed since dm came into the picture? it has also been recruiting a few more vessels during this time

-nuzleaf returns to serene village and sets up shop, establishing his presence as a villager, while the beheeyem orbit nearby, selecting a mountain cave to settle in (much like their old home)

-nuzleaf and the beheeyem begin to roll out on extensive forays, scouting the world around serene village for signs of the human hero

-it is on one of these scouting trips that they encounter a young pokemon, far from civilization and indeed any other living creatures, close to a small waterfall

-the human child has only partial amnesia at the time, and knows about the purpose to their reincarnation--they have only been recently recreated as a pokemon, at the top of a nearby mountain, and experienced no childhood like mew did. they retain much knowledge and maturity from their past life

-when approached by nuzleaf and co, they all kind of recognize one another--nuzleaf knows this is their missing puzzle piece, and the human can pretty quickly attribute the group’s suspicious behavior to dark matter

-dm/nuzleaf's intentions are to overpower the hero and schlep them up to revelation mountain asap, securing the goods for a fast and hard takeover. the dm gang and hero get into a scuffle over this

-beheeyem's psychic blast renders the hero truly amnesiac this time (although their personality remains largely untouched)

-nuzleaf's mind has been largely overshadowed by dm through this entire process, but upon the beheeyem’s report of amnesia, a moment of "good" nuzleaf shines through, and he decides to take the hero under his wing instead. dm is amenable to this plan, because drawing out its takeover over a length of time will generate more negative emotion from across the world, adding to its collective power

-end scene. script continues on as usual, nuzleaf gets left by dm to largely keep living pretty normally. nuzleaf is willfully ignorant of his growing attachment to the child, believing he is just secure in the knowledge on having an important asset in hand (when in fact hes happy to have this new family member. hes Soft)

-sometimes dm's presence grows heavy in his mind, affecting his mood and opinion of the child sourly (not that they ever know, he is very good at hiding this). "good” nuzleaf is largely content with this lifestyle however

-although hero and partner's departure to lively town was not met with utmost delight on his part, nuzleaf ultimately welcomed their absence as it made his errands for dm MUCH easier. less sneaking around to do, and allowed him to lay a trap at revelation mountain

-at this stage, different vessels were tending to turning to stone various pokemon across the world, especially the big hundos like legendaries (latias and latios, for instance, were attacked by fast-flying vessels). nuzleaf is set on the very precise tasks of setting up their fall guy(s) and ensuring hero stays within reach

-although nuzleaf orchestrated that krookodile's rampage to serene village would attract the attention of the expedition society, it was a coincidence that hero/partner were on the pursuit team. he intended to run to lively town and fetch them himself if necessary, crying havoc

-after the pursuit team get stone'd, nuzleaf and yveltal storm serene village, before collecting the beheeyem and moving on to lively town. they continue to work and hit established communities while hero and partner are in the voidlands, although yveltal takes its leave sometime during that to start attacking more big hundos

-espurr is caught right before nuzleaf and co storm the village, hiding in the bushes atop the mountain. nuzleaf doesnt initially expect to recruit her, but dm suggested her powers might be of benefit, given that the other beheeyem might have their hands full. he doesnt have to do much threatening before espurr keys in and agrees

-espurr and the "manipulation" of the expedition society are nuzleaf's jurisdiction as well, assisted by the beheeyem

-its during this period that the turncoat beheeyem starts showing hesitation. nuzleaf is on it like a fly on doodoo but obv hides it perfectly. starts laying the prehistoric ruins trap

-its not just dm speaking when they spring the prehistoric ruins trap--nuzleaf is exposing how he’s the kind of person who might agree to a partnership with dark matter in the first place. that said, hes not intrinsically THAT mean, and his evil factor is REALLY amped up by the possession. but its still largely nuzleaf in the driver’s seat at this point

-again back to the script. dm tosses its vessels around where they need to be, up until it fully takes over their minds and has them fight hero and co. after their defeat, dm is (temporarily) kicked out of their brains. its PIIIISSED about this and whisks the vessels into the tree of life for what essentially will be a slow and painful death, which is of course subverted by the heroes

-yveltal warps the vessel crew to the bottom of the tree of life, seeking oxygen, where the group stops to decide whether to take action or just give up. most are inclined to the latter, but nuzleaf is determined to go back and help the heroes until dm stops him directly. the others come around to his point of view, and yveltal returns them to the top of the tree

-with dm fully out of his mind now, nuzleaf is real sorry :( distracting the enemy from his kid for even one moment was worth a thousand ends in the voidlands to him

-after dm’s defeat, nuzleaf and co find themselves returning to consciousness in the forest, not far from where the heroes are similarly recovering. before they can get their bearings, arceus slips quietly out of the woods, escorting yveltal away with it for a Very Long Talk. the rest of the crew are scared out of their minds, but in an act of forgiveness, arceus refrains from passing Judgement on them

-with yveltal indisposed, the vessels are again left to follow nuzleaf’s guidance. they find the restored turncoat beheeyem and make up with one another, and decide to quietly withdraw and see what they can do to make up for their sins

-after apologizing to serene village and associated victims, nuzleaf roughs it in the wilderness for a bit, declining the beheeyem’s invitation to their mountain cave. he wants some time to himself (in fact the first he’s had since he encountered dm in the woods, so long ago). he orbits close to the village, however, seeking a glimpse of the hero

-after learning of the partner/mew’s disappearance through the serene village grapevine, nuzleaf vows to do whatever is necessary to help his kid, however he can. the beheeyem are of a similar mind. they get in touch with the expedition society asap

-follow script, etc etc. nuzleaf’s natural stealthiness is of benefit when it becomes necessary to track the hero’s movements

-after the partner is restored, the beheeyem return to their mountain home again, deciding amongst themselves what their next move will be. nuzleaf tries to leave serene village for good, having done his bit, and wanting to spare the hero any further angst regarding his presence. however, the hero stops him and convinces him to stay and recreate their little family home, which nuzleaf accepts

-partner and the hero return to the expedition society for a couple of years, conducting explorations and making frequent visits home. mawile comes up with the idea to plant an expedition society branch on revelation mountain, after she discovers that not only has the sacred spring not lost its power, but that the luminous water there is slowly returning. the site is marked a protected location, and the child heroes are put in charge of the new branch

-the beheeyem, the other village children, and the heroes’ parents are among those recruited to the new branch. the beheeyem handle most of the admin work, and the schoolchildren embark on a variety of explorations as they grow up, travelling between the city and village locations

-hero and partner more often than not form an exploration team with their dads, making a four-person expedition group that goes out for long expeditions. the kids are able to experience more quality time with their parents, carracosta can spend time protecting his child, and nuzleaf can sate his wanderlust without abandoning the ones he loves. its a solution that keeps everybody happy

-and they all live happily ever after :)

[themonkeycabal]

WandaVision Episode 9 Spoilers

I can't believe we're already at the finale. 

This has been better than I expected, though I didn't have any particular expectations one way or the other. I had hoped it would be bonkers, and it's had its moments, but I didn't expect it to be breaking my heart. I'm glad Wanda (and Elizabeth Olsen) got this moment to shine. It was very well done, and it's been nice to have fun with a Marvel property again. It's been a little while.

My wishlist for this episode is simply that somebody, anybody punch Acting Director Dick square in the face. And also that Jimmy Woo arrests him. A lot.

Other than that, I don't know what to expect, or how they wrap this up in 30 minutes.

Previously on: Wanda finally earned the name Scarlet Witch after Agatha made her relive the worst moments of her life. Harsh, Agatha. Vision uttered a line that launched a thousand gif sets. And Hayward revealed his genius masterplan which is a reactivated Vision, devoid of color and powered by the energy bleeding from Wanda's hex. I'm sure that will go swimmingly for him.

Let's see how this all ends.

Agatha still has magical tethers around Billy and Tommy's necks, which obviously Wanda doesn't like. Agatha gives the boys a tug, knocking them back, and Wanda lets loose, walloping Agatha. The boys are now free, but Wanda tells them to go to their room. They object, she insists, Tommy grabs Billy and they zoom off. Wanda hits Agatha again with a hex, but Agatha sort of collects it into a little glowy ball in her hand. Oops.

"I take power from the undeserving. It's kinda my thing."

Wanda notices her hand turning gray and gnarly — the look of somebody about to be magically mummified. Agatha hits her with a hex and taunts her some more.

"You're clearly in over your little, red head, so why don't you surrender your magic to someone who knows what to do with it?" Agatha, you're pushing your luck. "I'll let you keep this pathetic corner of the world all to yourself. What do you say?"

Wanda says she will throw a car right at your face, Agatha. I laughed. Didn't see that coming, did you? Knocked Agatha right out of her boots.

As Wanda is investigating, Director Dick's white Vision floats down behind her. He's creepy looking.

Wanda walks over to him, staring at him. "Is it really you?"

He puts his hands on her face, all gentle like, but it's a lie. He starts to squeeze. "And I was told you were powerful."

Gross, AD Dick. I hope you get stepped on by Ant-Man when he's being Giant-Man.

Sitcom World Vision (hereafter just plain old Vision) makes a timely reappearance, and takes out Not!Vision. He wants to know where the boys are, Wanda assures him they're safe, and she apologizes for everything and that she should have told him what was happening, "the moment I realized what I'd done". Poor Wanda. He tells her it's alright. She says she can fix it. Not!Vision climbs out of the burning remains of a camper.

Agatha reappears to note the awkwardness of the situation. She asks Wanda who she's going to choose, the ex or the boyfriend. What happens when Wanda hits you with more power than you can contain, Agatha?

Wanda tells Vision "this is our home." He agrees, "then let's fight for it." I hope for the best for you two crazy kids! Marvel has a dicey record on happy endings, though. Sorry!

Vision takes off towards Not!Vision again. Agatha flies off, too, and Wanda follows.

Across the street Monica is pounding on a window, calling for Wanda. Fietro, lounging with a guitar in his … stoner den?, tells her nobody can hear her. Can we talk about how Monica's SWORD uniform looks like ST:Next Gen unis? I can't stop seeing it and it's distracting. Anyway, she tries to escape, but, Fietro is still all fast and stuff, so she's thwarted.

In the sky, Vision and Not!Vision battle. Not!Vision says Wanda must be neutralized and Vision must be destroyed. Hmm. Not!Vision tries to rip out the stone in Vision's forehead but Vision goes intangible. More fighting with intangibleness. It's pretty cool.

Outside Westview, AD Dick is feeling cocky as he watches both Visions on tracking monitors. I loathe him so much. Jimmy Woo is brought in handcuffed by a pair of SWORD goons. I'm sorry, who the f is SWORD? Like, they have arrest powers now? Dick says "hey, it's my favorite member of the Bureau." New wishlist: everybody gets to take turns punching AD Dick in the face.

Dick asks his minion to reconfirm mission objectives while Jimmy listens carefully, mentally noting each and every violation of federal law and the Sokovia Accords. 

The minion says she can't get through to not!Vision, his system is overloaded. A cellphone rings on a desk nearby and Jimmy eyes it, then tells Hayward that he'll never be able to cover up these shenanigans. 

While Dick is busy boasting and the SWORD goons are doing everything but paying attention to their prisoner (in my head all the SWORD goons applied to SHIELD but Maria Hill laughed at each and every one of their applications and then called Pepper to laugh some more and then texted choice bits to May tagging them "RE: LOL"), Jimmy eases over and grabs the phone.

"Wanda canceled her show,” Dick says with the sort of confidence only an enormous prick can muster, “so there's no footage proving there was ever more than one Vision."

Jimmy points out that that is dumb, because there is other footage, from SWORD HQ and stuff, and probably evidence of tampering. He casually sits on a table, shaking his head, like he's just so disappointed (i'm hoping he's somehow managed to use the phone to record the monolog-ing) .

Dick is still too far up his own ass to notice Jimmy being sneaky. "No one's going to care once I've eliminated Wanda Maximoff. They'll believe that the Vision that emerges from the Westview rubble is the one she illegally tried to bring back to life."

Wait, bringing him back to life is illegal? You're full of shit, Dick. And also, an extremely terrible person, who will destroy a whole town for … something? A Vision weapon? Who are you fighting, Dick? BTW, I award him no sympathy points for surviving in the post-Snap world. So if he's been scarred by that or whatever, I don't care. Trauma doesn't excuse murdery megalomania. As has been said before: Cool motive, still murder. I hope Vision intangibles him into a lamp post that gets peed on every day by a parade of small dogs.

"They'll thank me for recovering such a valuable asset. You could be part of that victory, Jimmy. If only you had a little more … vision" says the smug prick who is asking for it. And by it I mean something both terrible and humiliating to happen to him asap.

Jimmy fake laughs back. "That's a good one, Hayward. Okay, I'm convinced. The trouble is my friends at Quantico will probably have something to say about your plan. When they arrive. Inside the hour." heh.

Oh, poor Dick doesn't like being mocked back. He tells his brain-dead goons to remove Jimmy. The goons throw Jimmy into a … stack of hay? In a fenced in cage thing? As you have on your pop-up military facility. Where he sets to work removing his handcuffs with a clip he also stole, because Jimmy Woo is cool like that. Close Up Magic! See the things you can learn from criminals. "Flourish" lol. 

He calls his friends at Quantico. "I was hoping you could get here … inside the hour?"

Back in Westview. Wanda is looking for Agatha while the town goes about its business. Weirdo delivery guy drives by "Don't shoot. I'm just the messenger. ha ha."

Then she gets hit in the back by a purple hex. Ouch. She has hit the pavement hard kind of a lot in this episode already. That hurts, my dudes, I know this from personal falling down experience. Wanda's hand, by the way, is still looking ashy and not very healthy.

Agatha taunts her from a rooftop. "Did you know there's an entire chapter devoted to you in the Darkhold." How could she know that, Agatha? Also, boo the Darkhold. That bit of nastiness led to the Framework, and I'm still a little scarred by that myself. "That's the book of the damned," says the witch standing in front of a billboard for "Squeaky Shine" lol.

Agatha produces the Darkhold and recites from it, "The Scarlet Witch is not born, she is forged. She has no coven, nor need for incantation." Wanda insists she isn't a witch, nobody taught her magic.

Agatha continues, "Your power exceeds that of the Sorcerer Supreme" Steven Strange will like that. Not much. He's so twitchy about things like that. "It's your destiny to destroy the world." Always with the destinies. FREE WILL FOREVAH!

Wanda insists she's not the Scarlet Witch thingy. Agatha says "oh really?" and uses her mojo on Emma Caulfield. Hi Emma Caulfield! She seems to be 'awake' and introduces herself to Wanda (who knew her as Dottie) "My name is Sarah. I have a daughter, she's 8, maybe she could be friends with your boys. If you like that storyline. Or the school bully, even. Really anything, if you could just let her out of her room. If I could just hold her." Wow, ouch.

Speaking of free will or the lack of, Wanda accuses Agatha of doing this, but Agatha says "She's your meat puppet. I just cut her strings." Poor Wanda. And now Agatha wakes up the whole town, who all head towards Wanda.

And we cut to Fietro's den of manchildness. Monica asks what that place is, but come on Monica, it's clearly a den of manchildness. Fietro is making himself a smoothie and explaining the purpose of a mancave — chillaxing.

Monica ignores him and rifles through his bills and whatnot. She finds a headshot of Fietro with the name "Ralph Bohner" underneath. Because, people just keep their headshots lying around willynilly. Wait, are we saying Ralph is an actor? Lol. 

Fietro meanwhile is planning for a Steven Segal marathon — my dad and I watched all of those movies and for the life of me I could not tell you why. We didn't *like* them. I mean, mostly we laughed, but still. Why?

Anyway, Monica is trying to solve the mystery of Fietro. It's not Agatha's house (obviously) it's Fietro's (Ralph). He's an ass and asks if she wants to fight some more, so she flips him over her shoulder and pins him down, trying to figure out how Agatha is controlling him. With her new glowy eyes, she notices the bead necklace he's wearing sparkles in a magically way. She rips it off and Fietro becomes Ralph.

Elsewhere the Visions are still battling in the sky and the boys are watching from their bedroom. They lose sight of dad, but Billy gets a vision of mom in trouble in the town square. He and Tommy run off.

The townsfolk are confused and scared. Wanda tells them they're all going to be fine. "When you let us sleep, we have your nightmares." Ouch. Wanda insists she kept them safe. Wanda, sweetie, you're very far in over your head. 

"You feel, you feel at peace," she tells them, kind of hoping that works. It doesn’t. "We feel your pain." "Your grief is poisoning us." "Please let us go." This is an awful thing to do to Wanda, Marvel!

It escalates with all those voices begging her to free them and she screams, grabbing her head, and when she does that, red light appears around the throats of the townies, silencing them, choking them. Wanda realizes and puts her glowy hands up "stop, stop, I'm sorry", releasing them all.

"If you won't let us go, let us die." Wanda promises to let them go. Agatha wonders what's stopping her from actually doing it.  

"Heroes don't torture people." Agatha's a very sink-or-swim kind of teacher.

That does the trick and Wanda throws her arms back and yells to the sky, releasing her power up at the hex surrounding the town. "Go, all of you. Now, go." The people run and the town flickers through the eras and the barrier starts to fall.

Outside, Director Dick tells his morons "this is it, we're going in!"

The Visions keep on battling, but as the barrier falls, Vision starts to falter himself. I was afraid of that.

The Morons roll in with their big trucks and big guns because … reasons. I have a very low opinion of SWORD. Maria Rambeau's agency deserves better than this shitshow.

Vision falls and it looks like bits of him are chipping off. He hits the ground hard, he gets up, but he's glitching, too, falling apart as Wanda takes down her spell. He reaches for her. The boys appear now, too, screaming for mom, but they seem to be flickering as well, flying apart in pixelly pieces. Poor Wanda.

Agatha says "Now do you see? You tied your family to this twisted world and now one can't exist without the other." This is terrible. "Save Westview or save your family." TERRIBLE.

Wanda pulls the hex into herself again, recreating the barrier. The kids and Vision recover and run to her. Outside, as the hex closes, Jimmy Woo is, yet again, left to stare at the barrier, cut off from the fun inside. Poor guy, lol. But, his FBI buddies are arriving, so at least he won't get lonely.

Agatha throws a hex at Wanda and Wanda throws up a shield to protect her family. Which Agatha starts to draw towards herself like the magic vampire she is. Greedy Agatha. Wanda's arms are all gray. And SWORD rolls into town square, because that's what this confrontation needed — these dipshits.

Anyway, the Family stands ready to face Director Dick and his morons, in a quality recreation of the Incredibles family pose. "Listen boys, your mother and I never really prepared you for this," dad says. Because your boys are like three days old, Vision, it's okay. "But you were born for it," Wanda assures them very fiercely. Get 'em, sister!  

As they square off, Vision's like "oh crap, it's the other me, back in a mo'" and flies off to tackle Not!Vision who's trying to sneak up behind them.

They destroy the town library and Vision wants to know why Not!Vision gotta be like that. "My programming directive is to destroy the Vision." 

Ha ha, says Vision, a loophole. "But, I'm not the true Vision, only a conditional Vision."

Hmmm, says Not!Vision, and they stop fighting, "I request elaboration". Hey, Vision, move into Not!Vision's body and you can be true Vision again! Problem solved, my work here is done.

Back to the street where we find Dick and his Morons and Agatha who is not making this situation at all better. The morons point their guns at Agatha who magics them up off the ground like thirty feet in the air, "Same story, different century. There will always be torches and pitchforks for ladies like us, Wanda." I'm not going to say you're wrong, Agatha, and God knows these SWORD morons are morons, but you're also a pain in the ass. So …

Anyway, then Agatha drops them and Wanda reaches out to catch them. But once caught, she does let them drop the last five or six feet. They'll be fine, but also they deserved it, so I laughed.

"Boys, handle the military. Mommy will be right back." They're my new favorite family.

Wanda flies up to tangle with Agatha and Agatha is super ready except … Wanda throws a curveball and disappears. Suck it Agatha.

Down on the ground the SWORD morons continue to cover themselves in glory and point their guns at CHILDREN. I don't care if they're powered children, you know what I'd like, I'd like if one of the morons would just be like "um, but … they're kids and how about no? I'm going to get Jimmy Woo! He'll know what to do. Don't try and stop me!" That doesn't happen.

Billy freezes the soldiers in place and Tommy super speeds by and steals their guns and hats. AD Dick, being the absolutely loathsome, vile, lower-than-a-maggot, piece of shit that he is, gets out of his humvee and shoots at the CHILDREN.

Monica, who has just arrived to the party, runs and throws herself between Dick and the boys, taking the bullets meant for them. Her new powers render her sort of … I don't even know. Not quite intangible, but she kind of looks like a ballistics gel dummy and the bullets go through her but they slow down a lot as they pass and then just sort of fall on the ground. Dick, crossing the line into pure evil, fires again, the bullet misses Monica and heads towards Billy, who just raises his hand and stops it with his power then he grins at Monica.

"Nice tricks," she tells him.

"I like yours, too," he says.

Dick tries to fire AGAIN! But he's out of bullets. He only had four? Or maybe his gun jammed. Anyway, like the brave man he is, he runs to the humvee, gets in, reverses at speed, stops and looks like he's going to put it in gear and drive at them because the dude is unhinged. But! Lo! It's Darcy and the funnel cake truck, that is apparently built like a tank, though come to think of it, it probably was an armored vehicle in the real world.

Anyway, she t-bones Dick's vehicle, thwarting his evility for the moment. "Have fun in prison." Lol

Back to the Visions. They're having a philosophical debate. "You are familiar with the thought experiment "The Ship of Theseus" in the field of identity metaphysics," Vision prompts Not!Vision.

  "Naturally." And Not!Vision helpfully spells it out for us. "The ship of Theseus is in a museum. Over time its planks of wood rot and are replaced with new planks. When no original planks remain, is it still the ship of Theseus?"

  Vision presses his advantage, "Secondly. If those removed planks are restored and reassembled, free of the rot, is that the ship of Theseus?"

To sum up, neither is the true Vision, both are the true Vision.

"But I do not have the mind stone," says not!Vision.

  "And I do not have one single ounce of original material," replies Vision. "Perhaps the rot is the memories. The wear and tear are the voyages. The wood touched by Theseus himself."

Not!Vision says he doesn't have the memories, though, but Vision insists he does, the data is still there, hidden. Not!Vision says nah, Vision must be the true Vision because he believes himself to be. But, Vision says that's not true anymore, he plays the reverse card, "upon meeting you, I have been disabused of that notion." This is the most philosophy nerd game of 'not it' ever.

Vision continues to try to get at Not!Vision's memories. "As a carbon-based synthazoid, your memory storage is not so easily wiped. May I?" Not!Vision allows Vision to touch the glowy bit where the memory stone used to be, and Not!Vision is flooded with Vision's memories. Not!Vision's eyes go … normal, I guess you'd say, no longer robot-like and glowy.

"I am Vision" he says and flies off. It was a lot to take in, I guess. He needs a little me-time.

I guess we're going to have to go back to calling Vision Sitcom!Vision, anyway, he goes outside and the boys run over to him and there's hugging and stuff.

Agatha stalks them from the rooftop, but it seems she might have forgotten Wanda for a second, because Wanda appears behind her and does that thing she does where she makes you see your worst fear. Enjoy that, Agatha!

Agatha sees herself bound to the stake in the woods again. Her coven dead. Wanda is there in the vision, too. "You see the difference between you and me, is that you did this on purpose."

The coven rise from the dead and shuffle to her while Agatha begs for it to stop. But, then Agatha gets control of herself, I guess, and the undead mummy witches start saying Wanda's name and pointing at her. You're just no fun at all, Agatha.

Now the coven ties Wanda to the stake. "You can't win, Wanda. Power isn't your problem; it's knowledge." That is, actually, very true. Wanda's Scarlet Witch headpiece appears on her all magical-like, marking her as the Scarlet Witch of myth, I suppose.

"Give me your power, and I will correct the flaws in your original spell. And you and your family and the people of Westview can all live together in peace."

If Agatha is so smart, why doesn't she just take Wanda's power, hmm?

"And no one will ever have to feel this pain again. Not even you," Agatha tries cajoling, but that was the wrong tack to take. Wanda gives her the head tilt of imminent ass-kicking, and her powers explode outward, flinging way the weird creepy coven of zombie mummies. Then Wanda knocks them both back into Westview.

She starts hammering Agatha with her powers. "Take it, I don't want it." Vision tries to fly up to help her, but she blocks him with a spell.

Witch fight in the clouds. Every time Wanda misses Agatha, her hexes hit the shield. Outside Jimmy Woo looks on, concerned.

"There's more," Agatha says, "I want it all." Wanda's looking a little mummified, but she's still flinging hexes left and right while Agatha cackles evilly. Eventually Wanda runs out of steam and just sort of hovers there.

"About our deal. Once case, a spell can never be changed." You're terrible, Agatha. Very cruel. "This world will always be broken. Just. Like. You." Low, Agatha. Lower than dirt

Agatha gathers herself and tries to hit out at Wanda with all that yummy power but it just fizzles. Nothing happens. Oh noes, Agatha, what's wrong?

Wanda starts looking like her normal self again and behind her glows a giant rune. Oh, dear, Agatha, you taught Wanda something. When she was missing Agatha and hitting the shield all those times, she was actually casting runes. LOL to you.

The sky is angry and red and stormy. Monica, Vision, and the boys look on.

"In a given space," Wanda says, "only the witch who cast them [runes] can use her magic. Thanks for the lesson, but, I don't need you to tell me who I am."

 The Scarlet Witch headpiece reappears and now Agatha has her a fright. I like you Agatha, you're rotten in fun way, but you took it too far, sister. Wanda takes her power back with prejudice and she is transformed into the Scarlet Witch. Updated version of the classic costume. Nice, I like it.

"Oh god," Agatha gasps, "You don't know what you've done." Wanda drops her on the ground more gently than she deserved.

Agatha asks if Wanda's going to lock her up somewhere. And Wanda says, yeah, here in lovely Westview. "I'll give you the role you chose; the nosy neighbor."

"You have no idea what you've unleashed. You're gonna need me." "If I do, I know where to find you." lol

And Wanda turns Agatha back into Agnes. "Hiya, hon. Say, that some kind of getup you're wearing. Did I leave the oven on, or is that just you, hot stuff."

Wanda says goodbye and walks over to her family, kissing her boys.

Vision says their dream home has turned into a fixer-upper. "I know you'll set everything right. Just not for us."

"No," Wanda agrees because Marvel likes to hurt us all. "Not for us."

Monica kind of bounces on her toes, trying to get Wanda's attention, but probably also not entirely wanting Wanda's attention. Wanda gives her a hesitant nod as she and Vision leave with the boys.

The field around town starts to shrink, the circus turns back into the SWORD base.

They get home and tuck the boys into bed.

"Big day today," Vision says. "Your mother and I … are very proud of you both."

"Very proud," Wanda agrees. "You know, a family is forever. We could never truly leave each other, even if we tried. You know that right?"

They kiss their boys goodnight. Outside the window, the field flickers and fails. "Boys, thanks for choosing me to be your mom."

The town of Westview returns to its sad old self, street by street. Wanda turns out the lights in their home.

But, Vision turns one back on. "Oh, I read somewhere, that it's bad luck to say goodbye in the dark." "No, you didn't." You guys are killing me.

Why did this have to be so good and sad?

And finally the collapsing field reaches their street, they watch it coming. 

"Wanda, I know we can't stay like this, but before I go, I feel I must know, what am I?"

She touches his face. "You, Vision, are the piece of the mind stone that lives in me. You are a body of wires and blood and bone that I created. You are my sadness and my hope, but mostly you're my love." Stupid show, my screen went blurry there for a second.

Vision cries a bit, they both are a little astonished by the tear. 

"I have been a voice with no body, a body but not human. And now, a memory, made real. Who knows what I might be next." Aww, Vision, I love you.

Here comes the field.

"We have said goodbye before, so it stands to reason—" "We'll say hello again." STUPID SHOW why do you have to make me feel things?

The field collapses and everything is stripped back into nothing. "So long, darling." And Wanda stands in the empty lot, in the foundations of the home that never was.

She walks away again. Poor Wanda. And back into town. The people look at her, they don't seem happy. I don't know why she chose to do that, she does have a car. Ah, she's going to talk to Monica.

"They'll never know what you sacrificed for them," Monica says. "It wouldn't change how they see me," Wanda tells her. "And you? You don't … you don't hate me?" "Given the chance, and given your power, I'd bring my mom back. You know I would." "I'm sorry, for all the pain I caused."

Wanda promises to figure out her power and then files off. The End.

Heartbreaking. Good, but heartbreaking.

Mid-credits scene. Jimmy Woo is large and in charge. He's setting up the incident response in town, ordering folks around (in his good natured way).

Jimmy spots his friend. "Monica!" "Authority looks good on you, Jimmy." "Where's Darcy?" "Something about ‘debriefs are for the weak’?" lol "But we can thank her for that." 

And down the street AD Dick is being arrested. Nobody punched him in the face. I'm sad. Darcy came closest, I guess. What with hitting him with the very large truck. It will have to do.

Monica is summoned to the theater by another agent. Hmm nobody there. The agent follows. "I was sent by an old friend of your mother's." And the agent is a Skrull. "He heard you'd been grounded. He'd like to meet with you."

"Where?"

The Skrull points up. 

What was Fury's Skrull buddy's name? I don't recall. I didn't actually like the Captain Marvel movie. I felt like they told it backwards, and also they should have just cast a younger actor to play young Nick Fury. That bugged me. And I wanted more of Annette Benning’s character. Anyway … I guess we know where we’ll see Monica again. 

Well, that was fun. Like I said, I'm not sure what I expected from this series, just that it be some degree of fun, I guess. But it was much better than whatever I had half-envisaged. AND SADDER, MARVEL.

Thank goodness for the multi-verse. I'm sure we'll see some version of the boys again. And also Not!Vision, who is probably also Vision at this point, knocking around the world, trying to find himself. Talk about identity crisis. I feel you, brother. Stay safe, get plenty of whatever passes for rest for you!

See you guys in a couple of weeks for Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I WANT NO TEARS FROM THAT ONE! Unless it's tears of laughter. 

ETA: FOR THE SECOND POST CREDITS SCENE THAT I MISSED. Stupid Marvel hiding things from me. Thank you, @beelzebufo

Mountains, a mountain lake, a place I’d like to be right now. Wanda sits on the porch of her lonely little cabin. The tea kettle whistles and she goes inside. There’s a rattling and whispering from the other room, where the astral projection(?) of the Scarlet Witch reads the Darkhold and her children call for her. I don’t know, Wanda, seems dicey, that’s not a very nice book. 

FOR REAL THE END THIS TIME

[the-littlefangirl]

TFATWS episode 1 rewatch commentary

The first scene was so beautiful. I loved that we didn't start directly with the fight sequence. It feels way closer to the quiet beginning of CATWS and I love it so much.

The title is also SO NEAT, music's on point too but hey it’s Henry Jackman the one thing I’m sure it’s going to be great overall is the score.

The choreography is AMAZING, really well shot. Sam shielding himself with only one wing was MA-JES-TIC.

“WHAT'S UP” EXACTLY SAM EXACTLY

I did feel so uncomfortable in regards to the military aspect of it. Not that I was expecting anything else, but both here and in Captain Marvel the military we're good guys < 3 propaganda is so blatant and ugh:/ At least there wasn’t a literal recruitment spot like with CM. 

The yellow filter in the Tunisia scene BYE please stop with the yellow filters 2k21

"I've been working with the Air Force for six months now" So, did Sam even catch a break at all after Endgame? Or did he just throw himself to work like SOMEONE did after being iced for 70 years. Hmmm? Sam????

"Essentially, these people, they want a world that's unified without borders" OH NO! HOW AWFUL, how evil of these bad guys smh

Joaquin: SO about Steve

Sam: :)))))) nope

"Moon stuff" SAAAM

#1 cry with Sam's speech, full on chills.. Fuck. Me. His voice about to break before saying thank you bYE.

Shady politician: "It was the right decision" (FUCKKKKK YOUUU)

Rhodey: *press any key to doubt *

I need someone to analyze the different curation of the two exhibits pretty please

NOT THE PHOTO POST-AZZANO JFC. That photo is my weakness, Bucky sweetie (also I find hilarious that usually when there are articles about Stucky and/or #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend they aaaalways use that photo LMAO)

In case someone wants to read the transcription of the texts about Bucky: "In 1944, while on a mission to thwart a Hydra weapon transport in the Alps, Barnes was thrown from a train and believed to have been killed in action. It wasn't until 2014, over seventy years later, that it was revealed that Barnes was alive, having been found by Hydra operatives. Captain America himself (i can't read) the effort to bring Barnes in only to later aid in a escape from custody having been convinced of his innocence. Steve's loyalty to his old friend, coupled with his refusal to sign the Sokovia Accords, led to the dissolution of the Avengers and drove the Captain into hiding with other like-minded Avengers including Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, and Sam Wilson. The current whereabouts of Barnes remains unknown, habing been labeled a fugitive following his escape from custody."

"current wherabout unknown" but not the government, interesting. Also, pretty good summary of CACW from the public's perspective, although one of the things I always wanted to see explored was the public's reaction of the fallout of them going into hiding after Civil War (which I'm hoping we'll get to see a little bit of in Black Widow).

Interesting point about the 70 years without having Captain America. Clearly the sacrifice play wasn't enough this time to fuel the nationalism so they went with a squeaky clean John Walker instead.

Sam saying the shield belongs to Steve I'm going to cry now excuse me. Sam. Sam sweetie.

The No. 1 Captain America comic in the display ugH fuck yes

See this is how you do a cameo that has actual meaning. Thank god for Malcolm Spellman being a competent writer. That scene was so well written.

HAVE YOU PRAISED ANTHONY MACKIE'S PERFORMANCE TODAY?? Holy shit that last shot fucked me up.

I'm loving the use of the wide shots, especially in the flashback. The camera movements are in synch with The Soldier's state of mind and mission focus, so good.

EVERYONE STAND UP FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM aka The Winter Soldier theme composed by Henry Jackman.

Without a doubt the most brutal TWS fight scene there has been, People involved in Punisher and John Wick are involved in this and it SHOWS. 

For the record, still stands that the only time we've seen him chocking someone with his right hand instead of the metal arm remains the Maria Stark assasination. I know it's probably because of blocking and the way the shot was composed but the implications are still bone chilling. God.

Uhhmmmm I'm very ambivalent about the "Hail Hydra". On one hand, it was 100% fanservice and the internet is probably going to go insane over it, and the dead way Sebastian Stan delivered the line. Good shit. Buuut what I love about CATWS is the way Bucky never, ever ever, mouths Hydra rethoric, and even when Pierce tries to gaslight him with it, it's just an empty effort. The Winter Soldier isn't doing anything because of ideological loyalty to Hydra, even if it's product of brainwashing, it's just sheer dehumanization. They don’t need him to say the words because he’s just An Asset. There are people who have put it more eloquently but yeah, I rather go with the fanon interpretation of that aspect.

The music growing louder with the shot of the keys. GOD.

I'm fine this is fine.

#2 cry with the therapy scene of fucking course.

The government monitoring Bucky is noooot going to end well lmao.

"We need to know that you're not gonna * slowmo stabbing motions *

Bucky: * nodding along slowly * 

I laughed out loud.

"It's passive agressive" I love him.

The way this scene just sucker punched me in the face, made me weep and then had me cracking up. Amazing.

Therapist: You can't do anything illegal

Bucky: yup yup check checkity check. What IS considered illegal tho?

*aggresive tablet finger pressing *

"Then why isn't it rule number one?" Bucky your Steve is showing.

I love the close up shot. I'll keep saying it. It's so good.

"I'm James Bucky Barnes" yeah you are🥺

That smile is nightmare fuel LMFAO I love it.

Uhm the way I'm kinning Bucky it's not funny anymore damn

That whole “are you lashing out at me” rambling is really reminiscent of the bar scene in CATFA and how he lashed out at Steve after Peggy left. Uhm yeah fuck.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "Peace"

"That is UTTER BULLSHIT" "You're a terrible shrink"

yeah ugly crying to ugly laughing speedrun for me

"You're free" "To do what?" jesus. That entire scene. #3 and #4 and #5 cries for moi.

Ugh that Brooklyn shot. Someone needs to do a gifset compairing it to the one in CATFA asap.

"It's like Monique but it's got a "U" in there for uniqueness" "That's absurd" LMAO

"You can't keep fighting with your neighbors" uHM * redacted redacted i'm shifting into 1940s mode abort abort *

"Nobody passed 90" "So young. Such a shame" FGADHGA

🥺🥺 yes flex those flirting skills good for you

"It's a dance to this things. You can't… you gotta warm up and I haven't danced since 1943. Feels like." #6 cry I completely broke down into tears with that.

This Yori storyline is going to punch me in the face with a metal fist. Great!

The TWS theme when he looks at Yori fuuuuuck.

GREAT LET'S GO TO LOUISIANA THAT WAS GETTING HEAVY.

Those shots of Sam in the car. Immaculate. Showstoping. Yes.

Marvel, what if instead of promoting the military industrial complex you put a lot of publicity about cars?

"Uncle Sam!" LMAO subtle.

Everyone trying to have the wings lmao same.

I've only had Sarah for a day but etc. Brooklyn 99 meme

Good mirroring about Steve and Sam family's legacy. Good shit. Goooood shit.

Sam is trying so hard ouch my heart. I can't imagine how painful the scene with them reuniting must have been. He 100% still feels a lot of guilt about being gone for those 5 years (and even longer before that).

"Maybe it is time for us to move on" uuuuuuuuuuh

"To the rescue" "Always" 🥺🥺 i love them so much already

That shot outside the restaurant is so beautiful. Can't wait to see the night scenes in Madripoor tbh.

"I tried the whole online dating thing. It's pretty crazy". Uhm well that is something that Bucky Barnes has now said. In canon. Damn.

"It's a lot" "You sound like my dad" LMAO

Every Bucky fanfic trope speedrun with this scene

"Wow you really can drink" OH you have no idea

Just realized we don't even know her name, well.

"You have any siblings?" "I have a sister" THE WAY I SCREECHED. We're definitely getting Becca

Well that escalated quickly. The important thing is to try?

I can't deal with this BUCKY SWEETIE #8 cry right there fuck

The wardrobe department is KILLING IT, there's such a difference between the outfits of the shows vs how ugly and generic it usually is.

"ThEre is NO such thiNg as on time. You're either EARLY or LATE . picK One" lmao the way he delivered that line

At first I thought the flag smashers had thrown two cars out of a window LMAO

"I don't know how jurisdiction works here, but I'mma have to place you under arrest" uhm yikes. The way they changed Joaquín Torres backstory to just random army nice guy #1 is not sitting well with me, what can I say.

Sam's wings motions I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR

Fuuuuck this guy.

"Funny how thing's always thighten around us" "Look, I'm on your side. After all, he's a hero". This script is C R I S P as hell, great fucking job.

"I don't care, I'm not gonna quit" "What are you trying to prove? And who you trying to prove it to" SHIT HSIT SHIT!!! UGH amazing. Look it's not necessary to say the show's questions out loud but how they flow between the conversations is still very satisfactory without feeling in your face about it. Inner conflicts have been set up fucking perfectly everyone * claps *

Ugh here we fucking go.  I knew this was how the episode was going to end but my stomach still dropped like a rollercoster. God.

The score is on point. Damn. Damn.

God, Sam.🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

The captain america franchise's visuals in the credits are always so amazing.

Also, does anybody know why Mackie isn't first in the billing?  Uhm what's that about?

ANYWAY CONCLUSION THAT EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE HOLY SHIT. I love them so much. The balance between the personal conflicts and the political aspect (although the military aspect is still very much yikes) was on point and it was overall a joy to watch.

[cakeandpi]

Parker!! spoilers abound

hm, so Harry (aka Lawyer) has been fired/let go and no one gave him the memo on it. Is his old job/boss going to be this episodes mark?

oof, Harry is bad at being subtle with his ‘okay look in [place]’ comm directions

ah okay so isn’t a legal firm that’s about representing their clients to the best of their ability. it’s a firm whose about smoothing bad things over for rich clients so that there’s little to no consequences.

“I remember when you wanted to change the world.”/“World did change. We just went along for the ride.” So the world changed the boss, the boss gave up on changing the world because he saw a way to profit from it and didn’t care that he hurt others along the way.

The way that car drove up onto the curve, I thought that was Sophie in a big hurry at first. (I would have thought Parker but there wasn’t enough time for her to crack the safe, get to the relevant files, get out, and then drive there.) But no, it’s Maxwell’s thugs because the man holds a grudge apparently. So I’m going to guess he’s going to be the season big bad? Or is he just a 2-episode bad guy and we’ll find out who the real big bad is later?

Hardison: listing various problems on various international efforts he’s helping with Eliot: let’s make this a restaurant metaphor Hardison: *very much regretting ever buying Eliot that brewpub*

Nuts and bolts about bad guy details

Also that bit about Hardison being distracted by problems is definitely a distraction, there’s no way he’d pause on making sure their safehouse was secure

Eliot is not so much pissed as insulted that the world is at the point of advertising the corruption rather than him needing to beat it out of someone.

drone!!

*snort* eliot's usually the grouchy one, and he’s carrying a trashcan right now. there’s no way hardison doesn’t make some oscar the grouch joke once he sees that.

“It’s like you never stopped.”/“Yeah. Quite the act.” Sophie slows down at Hardison’s comment, then sighs and sits. She’s finding this tiring now. Is it because she’s out of practice? Or because after so many years of retirement, her hearts not in it anymore? And Hardison notices. He doesn’t say anything concrete immediately, because Sophie hasn’t really elaborated on what’s going on with her. When she does - it’s her grief, and how its affecting her grift now - there’s this concern in Hardison’s face. There’s absolutely going to be a meeting between the OT3 about how to straddle not straining Sophie too much and not babying her should she stay on for another job after this.

“But I can’t work forever, can I?” There’s a defeated tone to this, and it’s true - Sophie’s just human, one day she too will pass on. Her grief for Nate (and how being back with the team keeps reopening that wound) is coloring her view on this for sure. (Did Nate work himself to death?) It’s also, very distantly, a remark on the OT3 - they too can’t work forever. They were Sophie’s and Nate’s proteges. And it’s not that the OT3 doesn’t have anything in place if they go down - they’ve got small teams running all over the world. But they don’t have their own personal proteges. Harry’s a decent start, but they’ll need to recruit and open up their circle to at least one, maybe two more before they’re ready to retire. Before they, too, burn too hot for too long.

“You hear that? That’s a very distinctive sound.” YES

Another Basil & Brick truck! This one has.... empanadas, ropa vieja, sancocho, and I think the last one is yuca frita. Mm, yuca fries.

BREANNA!!!

Parker! Taught Breanna to tail people! (Hardison in particular?) When she was 11! Wait does that mean Parker’s met Nana?! Also Parker is so smug and satisfied that Breanna paid attention to her lessons.

“I teach every kid I meet how to do crime.” <3 be gay do crime

This is a big ‘I’m telling mom!’ argument and I love it, especially the “I think she’s napping” LMAO

“How you saved Eliot’s life all those times” Oh man Hardison is sleeping on the metaphorical couch tonight. But also I need to come back to this later because honestly and really? Hardison has - as part of a group team effort - saved Eliot’s life from himself. By giving him a way to work through his anger issues, by caring for him, by showing Eliot he’s needed and that he’s more than just a hitter. The team saved Eliot’s life. (And there’s probably a bunch of erasing digital trails/etc where Hardison did more directly save Eliot’s life but that's besides the point.)

“But hacking’s kind of old school anyway.” And as she goes on, Eliot goes from aggrieved to ‘oh, a new best friend’ because now he has someone to help him annoy Hardison.

Parker pulls Hardison into a side room (by his ear, but he’s not protesting in pain so that’s got to be just for show). And then pushes him up against the wall and Hardison is like ‘okay whatever lecture is coming can it not be like this?’ If it weren’t for the glass walls that’d be some makeout stuff right here.

LOL at Parker’s standard for a ‘normal’ person being ‘uses Uber, pays taxes, and has a birth certificate’.

“Wait is this like that time in Paris?” I... don’t remember an episode set in Paris with a robot and explosions so this must be during the time skip. And - “... but you didn’t want to hurt Eliot’s feelings so you secretly wanted us to agree.” I’m going to scream if there’s no confirmed ot3 by the end of the season. And cry. And read a whole bunch of fic.

Look at these two being honest with each and communicating and respecting each others opinions, they’ve grown so much from pretzel metaphors.

“You’re not mad. You did the Picard tug.”/“I am mad.“/“Did the tug. You know I like that.” Parker might be mad (at Hardison? Breanna? Both?) but not so much that she’s completely shutting out Hardison, giving him a nonverbal signal that she’s not pissed, just needs some time to be upset before everything’s okay.

“One. Job.” Parker says. And we the viewers know it’ll be more than one. But really what that means by now is that this is an audition. Parker may have taught Breanna some things, but now Breanna has to show that they do better with her rather than without, that she’s an asset and not a liability or dead weight.

I laughed so hard that because this shit’s illegal, there’s no cutting corners on the paperwork.

“And you didn’t get tortured.”/“Not this time.” I can’t tell if Eliot wants Harry to get a little bit tortured or if he’s just reminding Harry that this time around people were in a good mood and showing off.

Breanna stops herself before suggesting something, and Hardison, for all that he isn’t delighted at her presence and protested her being here, encourages her to speak up. If she’s going to be part of the team, even for one job, she’s part of the team and that means speaking up and throwing ideas out there for others to bounce around, even if it winds up being a football that can’t be dribbled.

OT3 TEAM JUST GOT DUBBED ‘DRILL TEAM’. (why is that also somehow a dirty joke i’m dying here)

Oh one of the baddies is a Com4r4t fan... oh wait no this is the beginning of a plan backfiring.

Aww Breanna is so proud of what she’s done! It’s very much like season 1 Hardison. So Sophie and Hardison go to do their own thing, only that means the baddies are here to talk to Breanna and she doesn’t have backup.

THE 'LET ME GET MY BOSS’ THE SPIN AROUND AND THE ‘WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING MY STAFF’ I LOVE BREANNA.

“I’m your neighbor who runs a business built on discretion.” This is going to go very badly depending on how Breanna plays this. At least she gets the earbud in to call for help!

Another Brick&Basil truck! Etoufee and jambalaya, dammit eliot stop choosing delicious food to advertise. 

“I monkey-shamed the DJ” I. Love. Her. Also Sophie’s already read Breanna as having the skills to just need general guidelines for an impromptu grift rather than needing to be fed specific lines.

“Okay here’s the thing.” And there’s a pause, we’re thinking he’s about to come down real hard on Breanna, and then we get “I love Com4r4t.” he is a fanboy I guessed it right!! And then he does go through with the threat, but not as a ‘cancel it or die’ sort of threat, but a ‘if i’m disappointed you die’ way.

Breanna nails the impromptu grift though she’s understandably a bit shaken by the threat at the end. (What newcomer wouldn’t be?) But the threat is what pushes Parker into deciding Breanna should go home ASAP. This is Hardison’s family, from before the team, and Parker isn’t about to risk messing that up. If she pushes for Breanna to stay when Hardison doesn’t want Breanna to, and something goes wrong? Parker would never, ever forgive herself.

But as Sophie has pointed out, they’ve all been out of their depth at one point or another. That doesn’t mean that someone should be sent packing.

Lmao Eliot being possessive of the drill.

“Then you ain’t got no more problems ever again.” There’s a certain sense of morbid humor with the team, one that’s both necessary but also a reality. They deal with this level of danger on a semi-regular basis. Harry just hasn’t caught up to that fact yet.

I have a feeling this particular baddie is going to end up dead for managing to drive a 40% cut.

“I’m just saying dude.” I love that Eliot and Hardison don’t have to rehash their entire arguments anymore unless they’re really enjoying themselves, that they can just be all ‘you know I’ve said my piece’.

“Don’t get distracted by the side gig.”/“Is it a side gig?” For all that the team has been their main focus for so long, for all that they all have side projects and gigs, this has been eating up more and more of Hardison’s time. What I thought was him pretending to be distracted earlier may have been a real distraction. And Eliot’s noticed, and he’s noticed that Hardison hasn’t noticed, that Hardison needs to make a choice here.

“In our line of work, you’re one of the best. But in that line of work you’re the only one, man.” Eliot has a soft smile at the end of that, and it's a bit painful, even as I saw it coming, to hear Eliot suggest that Hardison begin to step away from the team’s day to day.

“It’s okay to grow up, to realize you’re not the person you used to be.” None of them are the person they used to be. Not Sophie, not Parker, not Hardison, and certainly not Eliot. They can see that in each other if not in themselves. (Eliot, being the most grounded of all of them, already knew he’d changed eight years ago.)

“You never grew up.”/“Yeah. I achieved perfection pretty early, huh?” Even as Eliot’s the most grounded, even though he’s the one saying that there’s no one else that could fill Hardison’s role in that other work, the idea that Hardison might actually choose to step away from the team is too raw to handle without turning to humor.

Harry’s a bit jumpy, but he’s learning to play it off. I like that he’s a very different character from Nate, that it’s not his anger or ego driving him so much as a desire to make restitution.

And a “Dammit Hardison”

Ooh, Eliot’s in the vents too, just in time to help Parker. (She doubtless has her beloved taser but that would take time away from getting into the vault.)

“I smell lasers” Ahahahahaha

“You’re going to compare me to Eliot right now?” (’over the comms, where others who aren’t Eliot can hear?’ Hardison did not say out loud.)

ouch, okay, Hardison hurting his back like that might be what actually makes him choose the other gig over the team, or at what makes him take a little vacation so he can heal from that. (back injuries are nothing to play around with!)

how did Maxwell get past Eliot? but it’s all good, Eliot’s right behind to disarm him. And Parker’s been doing her hitting lessons, she didn’t even need a taser or to stab anyone!

Oh Harry, the bomb will be used, it’s just not time yet.

New Orleans gumbo is its own food group.

Okay so Hardison’s done a lot of work getting this place in order... WAIT IS THAT A PUNCHING BAG? That’s a punching bag! It might not be the love-letter the brewpub was but it’s definitely a thing added specifically for Eliot.

Oh no, Eliot might realize what Hardison’s doing with this, but Parker hasn’t caught up yet that Hardison’s going to be taking a break from the team.

Parker’s blindsided by this, and she’s upset, but she’s not mad because why didn’t she see this coming she should have seen it, so she leaves to deal with her emotions alone. Hardison follows, naturally, she knew he would, but she can’t face him because then he’ll see her crying, and Parker doesn’t do emotions easily. She’s torn between wanting him to help people and wanting to be with him (and she can’t go with him, she needs to be helping people too).

And Parker doesn’t want Breanna there without Hardison. Again because it’d put Hardison’s family in danger and that’s a step too far for Parker if Hardison doesn’t okay it. And also because with Hardison leaving, Breanna’s just going to be reminders of what Parker’s missing. And Breanna doesn’t have Hardison’s skillset, can’t fill his shoes - not that she should but she can’t, and Parker, I think, is already mentally preparing herself to go it alone again. Because if this job needs Hardison so bad, then surely Eliot’s got some project that needs his specific attention, and it was just one job for Breanna, and Sophie’s been adamant that this is one last job for her, and Harry’s still new and will probably decide to do his own thing given time to think... I think that’s where her brain is at, at least for the next thirty seconds, before she catches up with herself and realizes that more like the time she busted her leg than the team dissolving around her. (This kind of went weird places but that’s stream of thought for me)

And as they come back in Parker’s already cheering up some, because that wave of despair has already blown over. Yeah, she’s not a parent, but she’s good at teaching when she tries.

“It could be a reunion tour.”/“No. I’m retired.” It’s very different from Nate’s old protestations. He was not a thief. Whereas with Sophie it’s not ready. And while they all point out that she’s been happier while doing cons, that they could use the help, it’s not forceful or overpowering. It’s still Sophie’s decision. They’re not going to make her house their new base and taunt her with it; they’re not the sort of people who’d do that anymore, and anyway that’d be cruel instead of a fun sort of goading.

And because they give Sophie space to make a decision, while she doesn’t want to make a long-term commitment, she’s willing to take on ‘just a few more’.

[feedmecookiesnow]

For @hopelessly-me, who wanted 41 from the prompt list: “Well, now I’m all wet.”

***

The first time the Asset meets Hawkeye, it is by accident.

It is after a mission, and he is walking to the extraction point. He is uncomfortable in his orange sweatshirt and jeans, but it allows him to blend in seamlessly with the drunken students around him.

Well. Perhaps not seamlessly. The Asset tries to move carefully, to be unnoticeable, but the crowds seem to part for him anyway. He can see the wary looks and the sideways glances, the fear that’s visible even through the haze of alcohol. Fear trickles through him too, because he is not allowed to be seen. He is not supposed to be remembered. This is wrong, he is not complying with orders to remain undetected.

(mission failure, you will be punished for this) says a voice in the back of his mind, and he does his best to shut it out. But the fear makes him walk faster, and when he turns the corner, he makes another mistake. He runs into someone.

The man in question stumbles backwards, eyes going wide as he spills liquid on himself. Beer, the Asset thinks, recognizing the label. I like that kind---

No. That is not right. He has never tasted beer. He does not know labels. He does not have preferences. This is wrong again, and he will be punished. (unstable, broken, what good are you as a weapon if all you do is fail)

“Aw, beer, no,” the man says sadly, and looks up at the Asset. “Well, now I’m all wet.” He half-heartedly swipes at his shirt with one hand, then looks up at him. “Sorry about running into you. You good?”

He is acting casual, but there is something in his blue eyes. A flicker of recognition, almost. Then it vanishes, and the Asset wonders if it was there at all. He is malfunctioning, it is possible he only thought he saw it. No one here knows him. Recognition is not logical in this situation.

“I apologize,” he says, the words coming out stiff and formal. “Excuse me.”

He steps around the man and continues down the sidewalk. Half a mile later, his handlers meet him at the extraction point. “Mission report,” Agent Rumlow says, harsh and demanding.

“Mission success,” the Asset says. “Target was eliminated within acceptable parameters and timeframe. Weapon was wiped and discarded in three different places. Followed pre-determined route to extraction point without...” (not without detection, you were noticed, do not lie to them)

(don’t tell them) says another voice in his mind. A softer voice, with a familiar Brooklyn accent. It is his voice, but it is not his voice, and he pauses, unsure what to do.

Agent Rumlow raises an eyebrow. “Without...?”

“There was a man,” the Asset says, the words coming out unbidden. “With blond hair. And a beer.”

“And?”

(Don’t tell them they’ll punish you don’t tell them don’t)

“I think he knew me.”

There is panic, after that. The Asset is forced into the van at gunpoint, and there are murmured discussions about the Chair and wiping and maintenance. The Asset stares straight ahead and tries not to show his panic. He is not supposed to panic, he does not have emotions. (malfunction, malfunction, not ready to comply)

Rumlow taps his arm, and the Asset turns. “This your guy?” Rumlow asks, showing him a picture on his tablet.

The Asset looks, noting how everyone around him goes tense when he does. The man in the picture is blond, but he is not the same. There is a tinge of familiarity about him, the Asset thinks, but it’s painful to dwell on it. So he just shakes his head and looks away. “No. That is not him.”

“Really?” Agent Rumlow asks. “Okay, so---”

“Rumlow,” one of the others calls. “Barton and Romanoff are in the area tonight.”

The agent looks startled for a moment. Then he moves through something else on the tablet until he pulls up another picture. A SHIELD file. The label at the top reads Hawkeye, and underneath that is a picture.

(don’t tell them they will hurt him)

“Yes,” the Asset says, shaking the voice out of his head. “That is him.”

There is more panic, but it’s not directed at him. They continue to point guns in his direction, but that is very normal, and the Asset relaxes as much as he can.

They still bring him to the Chair. Pierce questions him on the mission, and he gives the full report, including the man he’d run into. Pierce mutters something about ‘interfering little brats’ and tells Rumlow they will have to move up the schedule.

“Yes, sir,” Rumlow says. “Do you want us to hard burn him like he’s scheduled for, or---”

“No,” Pierce says, and the Asset feels relief at the thought (you do not have emotions, you are a weapon). “Just do general maintenance. We need to get it mission-ready ASAP. I’ll make up something for Fury to send Barton on. I want him out of our hair by the end of the week, understand?”

“Yes sir,” Rumlow says, and looks at the Asset. “Okay, big boy. You know the drill.”

He does. He sits in the Chair, answers their questions, lets them do what they need to do. They let him rest, and give him food, and then he gets his next mission. Target: Hawkeye. Method of elimination: Asset’s choice, as long as he ends up dead.

“Questions?” Agent Rumlow asks, closing the tablet.

(do I have to kill him please I don’t want to) “No, sir,” he says. “Ready to comply.”

***

And so the second time the Asset meets Hawkeye, it is on purpose.

The Asset follows his orders. Hawkeye is good---very good---but the Asset is better, and he eventually is able to corner him in a small warehouse. He divests Hawkeye of his weapons and puts him on his knees, looking over to his handler for approval. The handler nods.

(don’t kill him he knew you why did he know you)

His finger twitches on the trigger, but he doesn’t pull it. After a moment, Hawkeye looks up at him, anxiety and questions warring in his gaze. “Uh...”

“Quiet,” the handler orders him. “Asset. Complete the mission.”

The Asset shakes his head. “You know me,” he says to Hawkeye, who looks a little startled at the words.

“I do,” he says after a moment. ��

“Why?”

Hawkeye tilts his head, meeting his eyes. Then he nods towards the handler. “Get rid of this guy,” he says, “and I’ll tell you.”

The Asset looks at him. Considering. Thinking. (you cannot defy your programming, you are a weapon, you will do as ordered or face consequences)

(but he knows you he knows you why does he know you)

“Asset,” the handler says, his voice higher-pitched with fear. “Finish your mission, now!”

The Asset looks at him, feeling the order weighing down on him. But his finger does not move, and neither does Hawkeye, and the voices in his mind get louder:

(you must not harm the handler malfunction malfunction malFUNCTION)

(but Hawkeye knows you don’t kill him he can help you he can save you)

“Asset!” the handler yells, and the Asset---

The Asset does not comply.

He shoots the handler, three bullets to the head. More than necessary, but there is an anger burning in him and it feels good to do so. Then he turns back to Hawkeye, who is staring at him with wide eyes. “You know me,” he says again, and Hawkeye slowly nods. “Tell me why.”

“Let’s get out of here first,” he says, getting to his feet. “I know a safe place.”

Safe. The Asset does not remember the last time he was safe. He thinks it has been a very long time.

“Come on,” Hawkeye says, and he gathers up his weapons. “It’s not far, we can make it before sunrise.” He holds out a hand, and for a moment Bucky---the Asset, you are the Asset, who the hell is Bucky?---thinks he wants the gun. But then Hawkeye’s fingers wrap around his wrist, and he tugs gently. “Work with me, buddy. Come on.”

He should break his fingers, or pry him off. But no one has touched the Asset so gently in a long time either, and he finds himself going with it. “You will tell me,” he says, as Hawkeye pulls him over towards the door.

“Yeah,” Hawkeye says, his voice quiet. “I promise. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.” He opens the door. “After you.”

And the Asset---or whoever he is now---complies.

[need-a-new-hobby]

dead man’s party

s1 e03

‘how can shadowhunters be better than what you call mundanes?’ well, the leather jackets and badass tattoos for one thing.

‘kay, clary kinda does have a right to be salty right now, but i gotta defend izzy. she left simon in the van to protect him. bringing a mundane into a fight would have been worse. but alec’s response to her salt is so funny

‘there is some truth to the idea that human beings should have a modicum of common sense.’ this is so in character with him, but seriously he could have a little compassion for the guy abducted by vamps

i don’t like clary’s salt anymore. i dunno how to explain it but she’s very hyper. (see ‘oh but there’s like this magic cup i hid on the planet bongo)

‘i can’t turn into what you are overnight’ the first correct thing she’s said all day, well all night really, but who cares? in this universe it’s day for like 5 minutes

alec just wants the mundanes out of his institute right now. ‘what are you, her spokesman now?’. i don’t envy his position, all he wants to do is just report back to the clave so they’re safe from scrutiny. he still hasn’t reported any of this.

RAPHAEL!!!! sorry, i get very excited but s1 raphael doesn’t live up to expectations (possibly cause he dead)

‘kay, i know clary wants to find simon asap but she can’t run into things head-first without a plan (which she keeps doing throughout the show). and if anyone really needs to know why i prefer alec, it’s cause he’s so level-headed, though to be fair, it’s not his best friend that’s been kidnapped.

‘right, seelies have their charms apparently.’ cue jace’s stupid grin. ‘izzy can tell you about them, she’s got a thing.’

raphael has had simon for 10 minutes and he’s already 100% done with him. ‘i really hate fidgeting.’ what would raphael look like with squirrels?

‘kay first point, did simon just throw a knife perfectly right into raphael’s chest? second, has this kid not watched vampire movies?

aight, camille is super creepy but her lines are gold. ‘how sweet. you’re bleeding.’ WHO COMES UP WITH THIS STUFF?!?

‘typical mundane failure of imagination’ hahaha, s1 alec is so salty. where’s magnus, alec needs to light up?

izzy’s so done with her brother being miserable and i love it.

oooh, alec got in trouble with jace.

‘kay, this episode kinda sets the tone for the rest of the season, especially with clace. i mean most of this season is just alec and izzy doing their jobs and jace ‘being there’ for clary. literally every 10 minutes, clary pulls jace from her job to talk about how miserable her life is becoming. whiny clary is boring and annoying

wooah. ‘are you so desperate to get laid that you���d risk killing us?’ yikes, alec, even i know that was a low blow.

‘beloved servant? who puts that on a headstone?’ - yeah, clary wouldn’t know anything about serving others. 

‘don’t touch that, you don’t know how to use it’. haha, that sounds like something i’d say to my brother if he tried to use the electric whisk. 

‘what, like in pandemonium, when i killed that demon?’ technically you held a sword and freaked out when jace shoved the demon into it.

first thing i noticed was alec’s dialogue is super clipped. i replayed the scene a couple times and you can kinda tell that alec’s really resigned to helping clary, probably because he knows it’s only gonna get them into trouble.

okay, jace training clary is giving me pain. its so cliched ugh

also is using a sword really that complicated?

‘could i even do this without you?’ jesus clary, you’re just waving a glowing sword and if she’s friends with simon, chances are she’s watched star wars. personally, i played with mock swords all the time as a kid. it ain’t that hard. but that might just be me.

‘alec doesn’t like anybody’. for the record, that’s true. i’m not sure where, but in the books, cc kinda mentions that alec doesn’t really like people, they just annoy him until they don’t, which is what happened with clary and jace (although personally, idk why she doesn’t annoy him anymore). the cutest thing though is that magnus never annoyed him. so technically, he likes magnus, ‘cept he hasn’t met magnus, yet...

‘why would he help me?’ who’s gonna tell her?

‘there’s no human bond that compares to what alec and i have.’ clary proceeds to compare that bond to her and simon. though, technically in the books, they become parabatai, but that whole plot-line is non-existent in the tv show since simon never becomes a shadowhunter.

simon apologising for trying to murder raphael is really funny

haha, subtlety is not alec’s best asset. no-one would doubt the acting head of the institute if he didn’t look so damn shifty. also, why not just grab the arrows and start runing them literally anywhere else?

hold on, clary can see jace even though he’s using a glamour but not the vampires?

noooo, simon, not camille ugh. watching camille and simon is painful.

again, alec with the unsubtlety. for someone so used to being responsible for jace’s misdemeanours, you’d think he’d be able to lie better. also for someone who’s meant to be like family, no-one seems to really care about hodge’s punishment rune literally scorching him. alec kinda just looks like the guy deserves it (which he does.) 

omg, now he’s antagonising jace and alec’s relationship? bold move. also hodge slapping alec’s neck sounds so painful. like you can literally hear the slaps. but also, i feel like hodge does poke at a very central aspect of alec’s relationship with jace. alec’s always been responsible for his siblings and i can’t blame him if he’s frustrated by it. jace and izzy constantly get to do whatever they want, damn the consequences. except the consequences always seem to damn him, not the others.

how is it that jace can ride a motorbike, but can’t drive a car? i’d assume motorcycles are harder to ride than a van?

again, the soundtrack is flawless and ruelle is a goddess; the song for when they’re on the flying bike is invincible by ruelle

hahah, alec’s little ‘okay’ is slaying me. ‘great job izzy. you have fairy dust on your dress. and i hate being the distraction.’ cue dreamy sighing at grumpy lightwood.

also i love when emeraude toubia’s voice has that accent but the way she says frigging with the accent, chills.

they keep cutting to simon and camille making out, and i don’t wike it. it is gross and creepy. also her neck is bleeding and i’m very unhappy as to where this is going.

i have to admit, it’s surprising how well clary takes to the runes considering jace is literally burning her skin. although, at a certain point, if the heat is high enough, it just feels numb, or cold even. anyway, just to point out that in the books clary doesn’t get any runes until the city of glass. guess that’s impractical for the tv show.

surprise surprise, clary’s ‘not your typical girl’ and doesn’t see the romance in vampires. although it’s not really vampires as much as robert pattinson and i was always a jacob gal. i haven’t really watched all the movies though so don’t @ me, i don’t know enough. on top of that, it’s hard not to see clary as a sort of bella swan. having to deal with a love triangle between a childhood friend and a tall blond stranger and being practically useless in battle, even after she becomes a vamp. nope, no similarity whatsoever.

oh noooo, jace has never been in love. reeally heart-wrenching huh. and it’s not like clary has either. in the books, jace is like her first boyfriend, other than simon but we don’t talk about the disaster that is climon here. call me cynical but falling in love isn’t really that big a deal anyway. a lot of the time it’s just sexual attraction and i really don’t see the fuss. i dunno how to phrase it but clary feeling pity for a loveless jace is kinda icky. 

haha, he doesn’t understand friendship? what’s alec, a distant cousin? cue her comparison of having a parabatai and having a best friend (see ‘there’s no human bond that compares to what alec and i have.’) and besides, you don’t know you’ll die for each other until you actually do. alec would actually die for jace and you see it multiple times throughout the show and vice versa. 

i’m assuming the seraph blade works a lot like a normal sword in which case, again, i think he’s exaggerating the trick bits of it. but again, i grew up playing with pretend swords so....

i love how izzy talks about alec’s feelings while they’re trying to find vampires to distract. a lot of people tend to see this as a complete flip of normal priorities, but casual banter during what would normally be a very stressful situation is really important for me, personally. you finally get to see how izzy, alec and jace have grown up in situations like this, where they don’t know if they’re gonna make it to the next day. and yet they’re talking about their feelings. aaah im overanalysing again. sorry.

again with the banter! i love it. ‘whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword was an idiot.’ ‘when you’re right, you’re right.’ i love one pair of lightwood siblings

izzy looks way too excited to be killing vampires

ALEC WITH A BOW!!!! I LOVE MY ARCHER BOY 😍😍😍

also kudos to whoever came up with the idea of a whip as a bracelet

alec looks so happy with his arrows. aaaaaaaaaa!

okay, i love how clary kicks that vamp in the balls, but why doesn’t she just stab him? and why doesn’t she have her blade out yet? jace has to literally remind her, ‘hey you have a glowy sword in your back pocket’. this matchstick irritates me so much.

my archer boy has returned. am i the only one who thinks he was tempted to just shoot through clary? maybe it’s just me. also, you have to commend how alec thinks on his feet. i mean who’d have thought to nail an arrow through the wall to kill that vamp.

‘i killed him.’ ‘he was already dead.’ THAT’S STILL MURDER JACE! that’s what i don’t like about the shadow hunters, and it’s not just jace too. they all think that downworlders are somehow lesser beings because of their blood, but im guessing that most of them didn’t ask to be vamps or werewolves or warlocks and most shadowhunters (i.e. jace) were brought up to believe that blood somehow makes you a lesser being. that’s what i hate about shadow hunter society. but clary? she just falls into the same beliefs despite her father figure being a werewolf and her best friend being a vampire. she’s introduced to this world of angels and demons, she sees the discrimination that occurs and is silent about it, until simon becomes a vamp. reason #14 as to why i dislike clary

im sorry, but i laughed so hard when clary said, ‘thanks, but it’s not about me.’ for the record, alec had to save her from that vampire and the second one had already been punched to the floor by jace. also my tol bean is just standing in the back, waiting for this shitstorm of a mission to be over.

simon keeps punching the wrong people man. stop messing with raphael. also i love how raphael keeps thinking of the long game. camille is going to endanger the whole clan with the way she keeps breaking the accords and antagonising the clave. for non-book stans, raphael doesn’t particularly care about...well, anyone. except his clan. he cares about his own vampires, protects them like they’re his family and that’s only part of the reason why i love raph. the other reason is that his annoyance with other people is really funny for me.

i know the scene of the 3.5 shadowhunters walking in sync is meant to be like this cool badass scene, but i can’t help laughing at how they’re all dressed in black and izzy’s in this hot pink mini dress. we stan one queen.

watching climon is physically painful for me. i hate unreciprocated love.

watching jace and alec fight is physically painful for me. i hate family conflict

izzy just walks away, which is such a youngest sibling thing to do.

‘i’m older than you jace. i’m not in your shadow.’ aaaaaaaaaa my baby, noooo

‘if you really feel that way about her, why’d you help us tonight?’ JACE, YOU ACTUAL MORON. now that that’s out of my system, he is such a moron. first of all, if that mission went south, that would all have been on alec. this episode actually had me start disliking jace. in his race to help clary, he’s undervaluing the role alec plays in saving their asses. sure, alec’s not the strongest, or the fastest, or the fiercest. but when the clave comes down to rip them a new one, jace can’t save them. shadowhunters, just like police officers, have to follow the law. they have to think objectively and so far, alec’s the only one who’s been doing that. jace can fight vampires and demons all day, but he can’t fight the clave.

well, that episode was a hot mess. numero 4 coming up soon.

[arcticdementor]

I linked this at instapundit some time ago. But from the fact that a friend sent me this link today, I presume it’s not widely known. The link I put at instapundit was from American Thinker. And for once their title was the most accurate thing ever: Executive Order Canceling the Constitution.

If you’re wondering how that is possible, wonder no more. You know how our government freezes assets of enemy governments? Like Iran’s assets that the FICUS is dying to unfreeze ASAP?

Well, the veneer-thin coat of legality on this bullshit relates to that. At the same time that Dementia Joe and The Commie Ho are giving money and actual nuclear tech to declared enemies of the US, they are declaring US citizens who so much as dare talk against them as enemy collaborators and traitors. And because they’re owned by China (though anyone who thinks that stopping fracking and the keystone pipeline is not a big sloppy kiss to Putin needs their heads examined. It’s in fact the kiss of life, since the only thing Russians have worth anything is oil and they were in deep trouble before China stooges stole our elections) they are of course doing it by screaming Russia, Russia Russia!

…

All they have to do is make a list of those they consider to be Russian agents. The executive order itself says you can’t dispute your inclusion in this list.

(c) This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.

Oh, yeah, all your property will be impounded, and everyone is forbidden from doing business with you. On the say-so of corrupt agencies and people who have been lying to us for years.

And there’s nothing you can do, and anyone who helps you faces a similar fate.

…

This was signed on the 15th of April. Do you think there aren’t already things going on to make this work? Do you think that we’re not all already on that list?

Do you think it’s a coincidence you’ve not seen this bullshit anywhere? (And btw the link on top is to the government itself.)

Now, if they were sending goons to collect you, those of you who haven’t lost all your guns in a tragic boating accident would shoot, and it would be on like Donkey Kong.

But that’s not what will happen, and that’s why I’m writing this and asking everyone of you who has a blog and who knows they’re probably already on the list to share it. Or of course if you’re brave enough not to mind if you’re on the list. Note the “your spouse and adult children” too, which is intended to stop you doing anything, for the love of your kids.

I’ve seen this before. Very few people know that the “revolutionary” governments in Portugal froze bank accounts and assets of anyone who spoke out against them. One day you’d go to your bank to remove money, and you couldn’t. Your bank account was frozen as an enemy of the state.

Oh, you have a mortgage? Kids in school? Bills to pay? How terrible and sad it is that you are now functionally a pauper.

As for suddenly finding no one would give you a job, I never even figured out how word went out on that, and I don’t if anyone ever did.

Now, the times we’re living in? Will anyone notice a large number of people becoming suddenly unemployed, and/or having their house foreclosed upon? Help? Well, all they have to do is send a few people who look like government agents to your neighborhood and ask your neighbors (and friends, and associates) questions while strongly implied you’re a traitor working for a foreign power.

Your weapons? Well, then. Surely, you’ll sell them long before it comes time to …. well…. to starve I suppose.

Oh, but surely states will oppose this?

If it’s done the way it was in Portugal, most people won’t even be aware it is going on. Whatever the mechanisms are for flagging foreign enemies in the US — and they are there, and have been, from when our agencies were slightly less corrupt than they are now — will just be deployed, as they have always been, but against anyone who publicly and loudly disapproves of the Junta.

…

And the thing is it will be done behind the scenes, quietly. Through extorsion, and cancelling and whisper campaigns, to discredit and destroy their enemies, and taint them with the label of foreign agents, all without a legal process or any sort of ability to confront their accusers.

At some point, they’ll “notice” the ten million or so new homeless, (hell, the opening of the borders might disguise this, rather neatly, too) and out of their “humane concern,” they’ll create places you can go and be housed and fed.

Do I need to tell you it’s a trap?

This is just a way to round up desperate people. It might also in the end be a way to get rid of the homeless, which rest assured they intend to, once they’re done using it to drive the country’s cities to shit.

Paranoid? Did you read that Executive Order? If not, go do it, I’ll wait.

Now will this be applied ruthlessly and efficiently? Guys, this lot couldn’t shoot a lame fish in a barrel. No, but it will be applied irregularly, annoyingly, and deployed as an instrument of terror to make a large number of people shut up and go along, for fear for their livelihood, their kids, their friends.

It will be, as what they’re already doing to the military and police, a shit show designed to cow people into silence and into fear of losing everything.

Will it work? Oh, for a while at least. I mean, it is working on our military and police.

In my case it puts me in a bit of a pickle, as I don’t like camping, and I’m not young enough to survive long out there. But that’s okay. Personal survival is desirable but not important.

…

So, I know in the long run they can’t win. In fact, the harder they push, the faster they fall.

BUT–

If this goes into action, as stupid and imperfectly as it will be implemented, it will hurt and perhaps kill a lot of people.

If you’re at risk:

1- Have an alternate identity if you can. I don’t even know how to go about that, except perhaps a ring around the rosy of dbas, trusts and corps. Remember, they’re not nearly as efficient or good at tracing things as they think they are. Our secret services were redesigned by a man who can’t figure out how to go through a gate with an umbrella. And he hired people who think he’s smart.

2- Be ready to decamp at the drop of a hat, if it becomes obvious your financial life is frozen, and there’s nothing you can do for money. Decamp where? Well, not abroad. As I pointed out above, if the wheels come off here, they’ll come off and explode abroad. If you can own something outright through a trust or a corp or something, this might be a place to go. If you can’t…. have you considered winter camping gear?

3- Don’t leave yourself defenseless. Don’t sell weapons. Don’t consign yourself to the tender mercies of the government.

Oh, yeah, and keep your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.

4- Other than that? Find a way to keep being heard. If all you can do is paint the words in blood on phone poles do so. But again, they’re not nearly as smart as they think they are. Find new identities and new ways back on line.

All you have to do is survive this for a year, maybe a little more. And the way to survive it is not to act the way the left would, which is the way they expect everyone to act.

Don’t surrender. Don’t give up. Don’t ask for help.

And keep coming back when they least expect it.

If that EO doesn’t show you they’re not Americans, they’re insane, and they mean to be dictators, I don’t know what will. Make sure people know the powers the Junta is arrogating to itself. Make sure they can’t do this quietly.

And may G-d have mercy on America.

[hellyeahomeland]

“Prisoners of War”: an HYH recap

The finale of our last season opens just as the finale of our first season did: with Nicholas Brody’s suicide tape. Brody stands before us just as we remember him: uniform pressed, grainy black and white, defending his decisions to the masses. Carrie drives late at night, her face steely, as those familiar words echo in her ears: “People will say I was broken, I was brainwashed. People will say that I was turned into a terrorist, taught to hate my country. I love my country.”

She arrives home, again, to an empty house.

Back in New York, Linus is paying Saul a surprise visit.

Saul: Hey, man! Am I fired yet? Linus: Miraculously, no! But Jalal Haqqani is definitely not dead, did you have any idea? Saul: Yeah, it was my entire idea. I didn’t tell you so you’d have plausible deniability. Linus: WHERE IS THE ALLIGATOR? Look, Hayes is pissed and is saying he’s going to take out Pakistan’s nuclear facilities if they don’t stand down. Saul: Jesus. Ok, get in the car, I’ll explain why I’ve been acting so fishy on the way back.

The next morning, Carrie’s enjoying a nice cup of coffee while watching her former enemy Tasneem deliver an address at the UN. Tasneem explains that the US are basically a bunch of annoying bullies and they have no choice but to defend themselves with everything they have. After, Anna goes back to the Russian Federation’s office and into Director Mirov’s office, where she notices the red flight recorder. She recaps Tasneem’s speech and Mirov is delighted because they’re all about to get promotions. Anna is steely-faced and says he deserves it.

Carrie arrives at Charlotte Benson’s giant mansion. Two Russian hunks, one of whom looks EXACTLY LIKE Jonas but is not, escort her to Charlotte’s murder demo. Actually, Carrie’s not going to murder him. She’s just gonna mix a few chemicals and create a gel that she rubs on his skin to immobilize him, then the Russians hunks will murder him. According to Yevgeny, they’re the best, and Yevgeny wants nothing but the best for his girl. Carrie looks like she may actually vomit, even though I already completed that bingo square.

In the Oval Office, Saul arrives for his meeting with Hayes but instead it’s just Evil Spawn Zabel, who looks so totally delighted to be going one-on-one with Saul again. Saul shares that the flight recorder indicates the helicopter wasn’t shot down after all, it was just mechanical failure. Zabel seems intrigued initially, the wheels in his head probably spinning to figure out how he can play this to his advantage. But Saul doesn’t have the recording and in fact has no proof. Zabel says he’s full of shit. They basically talk past each other, neither side budging from the facts (or, as Zabel would say, “facts”). He pronounces Saddam in Saddam Hussein like it rhymes with “Goddamn” and then says the Iraq War was a good idea “for the record.” Hugh Dancy revels in the slime.

Saul’s relaying this shitshow to Linus when he arrives home to find St. Maggie. Mr. Bill “I’ve Had It” Mathison has a friend who swore he saw Carrie at Langley the other day, which makes no sense to me or to Maggie but Saul’s like “could have happened!” Wasn’t Carrie on trial for being involved in the president’s murder? Anyhoozles, Maggie is once again exasperated with Carrie, her sister whom she just can’t understand. Carrie hasn’t even stopped by to see Franny. Saul agrees it’s strange.

Ironically, while Maggie is paying a house visit to Saul, Carrie is paying a house visit to Maggie. Well, more specifically to Franny’s bedroom, where’s she’s hidden a go-bag filled with cash and a shitload of meds and a half dozen passports. On her way out, she pauses on a photo of Franny, her hair red as ever, in a bright yellow rain coat. She takes it with her.

Later that night, Carrie arrives back at Saul’s, looking again like she could hurl at any minute. She spots the Russian hunks in a nearby car lighting up a cigarette. She steps inside to find Saul, sitting in his library, listening to the Fleabag soundtrack. It’s very ominous. Dad is NOT happy!

He confronts her immediately. Why hasn’t she seen Franny? Actually, why the fuck is she even back here? Seems like she’s planning a quick escape. But why come back in the first place?

She deflects initially, but it’s Saul. She knows that he knows. He knows that she knows that he knows. There is a lot of knowing going on.

Carrie: You know the answers to all your questions. Saul: I still want to hear you say it. With my own ears. Carrie: I made a deal with Yevgeny. The flight recorder for your asset in Moscow. Saul: Asset? What asset? Carrie: Don’t bullshit a bullshitter. I know she exists. I know how you communicate. Saul: Good God, Carrie, tell me you haven’t. If you have, you’ve permanently crippled our position in Russia. She’s the last live source we have there. The rest were sent to the wall by Allison Carr, a thing that was 0% my fault. Carrie: We can rebuild the intelligence network. Saul: It’ll take a decades. Meanwhile they slowly strangle us. Carrie: Let’s worry about all that tomorrow. We’re on the brink of nuclear war today in case you forgot. Saul: Relax, I’m talking to some journalists tomorrow. Carrie: Lol, like that will make a flying fuck worth of a difference. Saul: Well, sometimes that’s the price of doing business. Carrie: Who even are you? Saul: What do you want from me? Carrie: GIVE ME HER NAME. Saul: I never will. God, get the fuck out of my house. You’re turning yourself in ASAP.

Carrie storms upstairs and starts to mix the not-murder potion. For some reason she forgets to close the door because Saul walks in a few moments later. She panics and smears the gel across his neck. He looks confused for a second and then collapses. Carrie looks in shock at her mentor sprawled out on the floor. She signals the Russian hunks on the street outside. Sara begins to have an actual panic attack thinking Carrie might murder Saul.

Saul can hear her, of course, but he can’t move. He can barely speak. She tells him to give her the name, now, or some Russian dudes are gonna murder him. She says it’s out of her hands when it’s entirely in her hands. She explains to him the legacy plan. The poor guy looks literally dumbstruck. She asks him to see reason. No one person can be worth the lives of hundreds of thousands of innocent people. It’s an interesting replay of his conversation with Zabel earlier.

The GRU team walks in then — she gives him one final chance, but he still won’t say her name. They take him into his bedroom, which is GIANT, and begin prepping for the murder.

Carrie tries again. She tries really hard, with everything she has.

“Everything you have ever asked of me, I have done.” In a single line, their whole relationship, eight seasons’ worth. He stares back up at her, simultaneously expressionless and filled with hurt and pain. Is there no fucking line?

Then: “Come here,” he mumbles, barely audible. She leans in close to him, expectant. “Go fuck yourself.” A fat tear rolls down her face and she shakes her head at the GRU team. She says something about a fallback plan and then turns toward Saul, every inch of herself sorry and lost and guilty. “I had to try,” she says quietly.

The fallback plan is to go see Saul’s sister Dorit (“Saul, what do you have?”) in the West Bank. And, once there, to tell Dorit that Saul’s died of a stroke and Dorit needs to go back to DC at once for funeral arrangements. Carrie plays somber yet dutiful surrogate daughter well. She’s disgusted with herself but, again, can’t hold back. Wherever the line is, if it existed, she’s lost it now.

While she’s helping Dorit pack, she makes her move and pokes around the legacy plan. Dorit, like Mira before her, sees her brother in this woman all too clearly. “Always an ulterior motive,” she says. But Dorit is kind-hearted and she does have an envelope for Carrie. There’s a thumb drive inside and Carrie looks so relieved she could cry. She sends Dorit on her way (but not before swiping her phone... I LOVE YOU CARRIE).

Back in Washington, Saul has full motor control again but he’s really late for his meeting with those journalists, and Linus, ever the mensch and detective, realizes something’s fishy pretty immediately. Nevertheless, Carrie’s just given word to Yevgeny that she has the name, so they peace out anyway.

Yevgeny arrives at Dorit’s house on cue and dressed for warm weather. Carrie’s not getting a needle to the neck this time. She’s on full alert, gun pointed straight at him before he even walks through the door. She makes a big show of patting every inch of his body down for a weapon that he actually doesn’t have, and then tosses him a piece of paper with Anna’s name. Then she shows him what’s on the flash drive.

Here’s what’s on the flash drive: a much darker-haired Saul, with different glasses, explaining who Anna is. Aside from Carrie, she is the most important professional relationship in his life. She’s an asset but she runs herself (sounds familiar!). She is extraordinary. And he never told her because he was protecting her. Carrie turns away — his soft, sure words are like daggers. Everything he’s talking about on that tape is destroyed. Carrie took a match to it all.

Anna’s now burned and Mirov knows. Saul rings up Resident Hottie Scott Ryan at the UN for an assist. Saul pleads with him to get Anna out of there ASAP. At the same time, Mirov’s men run in quick pursuit. Scott and Anna make their way to a dead-end room in the basement and barricade the door. Anna asks for a gun, not to shoot her way out… well, at least not out. Anna is determined, assured, confident. She won’t let them take her. You can tell how she’s been such an incredible, independent asset all these years and why Saul wants so desperately to save her. Scott refuses to hand over his gun and Anna asks to phone a friend.

On the phone, Saul reacts initially just like Scott. There’s got to be another way. We can get out of this, you don’t have to do this. But she is persistent, she’s determined. She wants to end this on her own terms. “I’ve never known anyone so brave,” Saul says, his eyes wide. He orders Scott to give her the gun. On the other end of the line, Saul hears the single shot. He winces in pain.

Shockingly, Russia followed through with their end of the deal and Mirov gets up at the UN with brand new evidence that Jalal Haqqani didn’t shoot down the president’s helicopter. It was an accident and now the whole world can hear the cockpit recording for themselves. Watching in Israel, Carrie’s disgusted. Yevgeny, ever the considerate boyfriend, asks if she’s ok.

Carrie: Just cut the bullshit, the game’s over. Also, why the fuck are you still here? Just leave already. Russia’s a frontrunner for the Nobel Peace Prize and a decent woman is going to be tortured and killed by your government. Yevgeny: That decent woman got two assets of mine killed in Cyprus. Carrie: Oh, I’m sure they were both good samaritans. Yevgeny: Fine, if you want to blame me, go ahead. Carrie: Good, I do blame you! Yevgeny: Look, sometimes it’s just the cost of doing business. I did what I had to do. Carrie: WHY DO ALL THE MEN IN MY LIFE SAY THE SAME THINGS? Yevgeny: He should have pulled Anna from the field the second he realized what you were doing. Carrie: You just don’t fucking get it. He didn’t pull her because he trusted me. He fucking loved me. I betrayed him. I broke that.  Do you even understand what that means? Yevgeny: You’ll survive. So will he. Carrie: I don’t know what it’s like on your side but it must be very lonely.

In the Oval Office, Hayes, Zabel, and Linus—still not eaten by an alligator—are huddled around the TV watching Mirov’s press conference. Mirov pleads with Hayes to stand down following the reveal of this big misunderstanding. Suddenly Zabel looks like he wants to get eaten by an alligator! Hayes asks Linus, who hasn’t been addressed directly by POTUS in 4-6 weeks, for a direct line with the military. They get Owens on the phone. Zabel’s plan to start a phony war to consolidate power and kill more brown people has been thwarted. Everything’s coming up Linus!

Back at Dorit’s house, Yevgeny tells Carrie that Anna’s killed herself. She’s about to make some quippy remark like “Sorry you missed out on some gulag fun” when Yevgeny connects the dots for her and says that Saul must have warned her. And then Carrie connects the dots for us: Israeli counter-intelligence knows too. Time to book it! They hop in their getaway car and head for Ramallah. Yevgeny has people there who can smuggle her into Syria. And then? And then…

Are you sitting down? We fast forward two years. We’re in Moscow. Carrie Mathison is in a large, spacious penthouse. She is applying MASCARA. TO HER EYELASHES. HER HAIR IS CURLED.

“You almost ready?” says a familiar, accented voice. IT’S YEVGENY. She turns and smiles. Y’ALL THEY ARE LIVING TOGETHER IN MOSCOW.

Sara: [head explodes]  

He asks if she’s excited. “Very.” Remember in season five when Claire’s like, “Carrie’s doing great, for five minutes.” This is like that only better.

Yevgeny gives her a gold necklace, for “finishing.” Do we all get one too? He tells her what she’s done is very, very important and it’s time to celebrate. It’s sort of surreal. The best way I can think of to describe it is the season of Lost where Jack and Kate are off the island and living together and in love and if you were, say, into that, it was paradise. If you were, say, not into that, it was bizarre as fuck.

Once ready, Carrie runs into her office to get her purse. It’s… about what you’d expect her office to look like. There are stacks of books everywhere, documents printed out and tacked to the wall, sticky notes all over the window. The picture of Franny in the yellow rain coat is still there. She turns to the wall and takes it in. It’s pages and pages of news articles about the CIA’s drone program, Abu Ghraib, the black sites, torture. Familiar figures—in real life and in-show—are visible. Snowden, Brody, Quinn, Keane. It’s her professional career—her entire life—arrayed in one final collage for us to take in. The familiar closing score from “The Star” begins playing as she shuts off the lights.

Cut to Saul, in his house, now much emptier. He and Dorit are packing boxes. He’s had a heart attack and is moving out, presumably to someplace where he’s not alone all the time. The phone begins to ring. It’s someone looking for a Professor Rabinow.

Then the jazz stars to play. Yevgeny’s big celebration for Carrie was a jazz concert by Kamasi Washington and crew. It’s electrifying. They’re both into it, bobbing their heads as much as one can bob their head to jazz. It’s a clever callback not only to the jazz musicians Carries spots in the pilot but also to this oft-parodied passion of hers. The cacophonous sounds, it’s bliss.

The song finishes and out of the corner of her eye Carrie spots a woman in the orchestra exit her seat. She absentmindedly rubs Yevgeny’s knee. It’s a subtle but specific detail with one purpose and that is to reveal that this relationship is real. It is comfortably intimate. It exists in the grey--in the duplicity--that Carrie’s relationships with men have always existed in. Maybe that’s her happiness. Maybe that’s how she’s not alone.

In DC, Saul pays a visit to his friend Claude, who calls him Professor repeatedly, even though Saul claims all that stuff is over with. Well, the package addressed to Professor Rabinow that was just delivered this morning begs to differ.

At the concert, Carrie excuses herself to go freshen up her makeup and ends up at the vanity right next to that woman she’d spotted. The other woman eyes Carrie, before casually taking off with Carrie’s purse. Carrie takes hers.

At his home, Saul has the Professor Rabinow package. He opens it. It’s Carrie’s book, the presumed result of all that research in her office. It’s called Tyranny of Secrets. A haunting black-and-white image of Carrie stares back at him from the cover. This is her work... and it’s his, too. He flips through the first few pages. He reads the subtitle, “Why I Had to Betray My Country.” And the dedication, “For my daughter, in the hope that one day she will understand.”  

He doesn’t get it until he does. He flips the book upside down into that familiar Y shape and then extracts a slim piece of paper from the spine. She reads: “Greetings from Moscow, Professor. The Russian S400 missile defense system sold to Iran and Turkey has a back door. It can be defeated. Specs to follow. Stay tuned.” He looks up in awe, a hint of a smile across his face.

At the concert, the saxophone blares in her ears, vocals ringing, strings, bass, piano, drums. Everything, all at once. She sighs, then smiles, bathed in blue light. Not noise. Music.

[rumpelstilskenlovesfanfic]

Of cocoa and fire

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Word count: 1.3k ish

Warnings: Some snark and swearing.

Summary: My entry for @arawynn​’s Festive Winter Wonderland Writing Challenge! I am posting this from my sideblog, hope that doesn’t bother you too much (main is @rumpelstilskinxoxo) Thank you so much for hosting and for allowing me to participate!!! 💕💕💕

My prompt was “Want some cocoa?” and I also went with the mobster AU because I am a sucker for it and always wanted to give it a try.

-----

„Here you go, a hot chocolate with peppermint. Enjoy!“ You carefully hand over the steaming mug to the grinning little girl before watching her wander off with her parents further into the little Christmas market in front of the local hospital.

They truly outdid themselves this year: There was a booth with cotton candy and candy apples and chocolate covered fruits, a grill with hamburgers and sausages, a booth with all kinds of christmassy cookies, DIY tables with lots of tinsel, glitter and holly. A little carousel, Santa Claus as well as a snow fairy to take pictures with, so the children who don’t celebrate Christmas can also have a cute holiday memory framed. A little petting zoo from the local shelter to find some animals a new home. A very wholesome affair, all in all.

As a physician at the hospital, you volunteered your free evening to help out, currently manning the hot cocoa station with your friend and coworker Christine, who ran off finding some more peppermint sticks. Turning around, you noticed someone standing off to the side of the booth.

„Want some cocoa?“

The man just barely turns his head to you. There is a deep scowl on his otherwise handsome face, and he is wearing all black - expensive looking coat and suit, a scarf for fashion rather than warmth, a signet ring catching the light. „We have dark chocolate, milk and white, as well as a vegan option,“ you smile while listing the options, hoping to spread some holiday cheer. A deeper scowl, you notice two large figures looming behind him like shadows. „There is a lactose free one as well?!“

„Do I look like someone who drinks cocoa?“ he sneers, taking you aback, because this is a fun little Christmas market, there really is no need to be hostile. Patience is for patients so you have none for him and his attitude. „Well maybe it’d help with that frown on your face, you know, chocolate and it’s endorphins and all,“ you say rolling your eyes, turning back to the mugs behind you.

He scoffs. „I’d watch that tone, don’t you know who I am?“ You look over your shoulder, now it’s your turn to frown. „No, I don’t, and with that attitude of yours I don’t feel like I am missing out.“ He opens his mouth to answer but you’re not finished and fully turn back to him. „Honestly, what is your problem? And what a stupid question? Have you ever heard someone say „Don’t you know who I am“ and thought “well no but you sound just delightful, I’d like to find out“? Yeah, me neither.“ A snort from behind the man makes his scowl impossibly deeper. „So if the holiday cheer is bothering you so much, I have a simple suggestion: don’t be here.“

You make a movement with your hand indicating the market around you, then straighten shoulders and step to the other end of the booth, where a couple was looking over the menu. When you’re turn around again, the man and his shadows are gone. But Christine is back, and now she is sporting a scowl. What is up with everyone today?

„Erm, what were you talking about with James Barnes of all people, don’t you know who he is?“ She sounds almost irritated, making you scoff. „Why do people keep saying that? No, I don’t know who that is and he was pretty rude, so I couldn’t care less.“

„What did you say to him?“

„I told him to fuck off.“

Christine shrieked. „What, why would you do that?“

„What is your problem, he didn’t want hot chocolate in the first place so it’s not like it was bad for business!“

„That was James Barnes.“

„So you mentioned.“

„He is a fucking mobster and is rumored to basically run this whole city,“ she whisper-yelled.

You snort. „I’m sorry, did you just say mobster?“

Christine nods, which makes you full on laugh. „Where am I, in a CW show all of a sudden? Do we have to save the hospital in a dangerous game of violence and broken trust while family secrets pile up?“

You rolled your eyes. Christine just hushed you and looked around anxiously. „Will you be quiet, who knows who works for him around here!“ Her concerned tone made you look around, too, before shaking your head at her.

„You are seriously telling me that we have a mobster in our midst who came to this market to - what, check up on his assets?“

„Well maybe not his assets but his company sponsored the carousel and most of the food.“

„That doesn’t sound so mobster-y to me.“

„Well rumor has it Macavity Inc. is just a front for all kinds of shady stuff.“

„I’m sorry, what?“

„Officially he is the CEO of his company, Macavity Inc. …“.

„As in Cats?“

„What do you mean?“

„You know, the musical! Cats!“

„I don’t think I’ve ever seen it.“

You hold your hand to your heart in mock shock. „Chris! That is an educational gap that needs to be closed asap!“

Christine sighs.

„Anyway, there is a character named Macavity and he is literally the law-evasive bad guy.“ You laugh, starting to sing, „Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity - He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.“

A fit of giggles interrupts your performance. „Seems to me this mobster is very extra. And I highly doubt that no on in the NYPD has seen Cats so that must be very frustrating, him basically telling them that he is doing illegal shit. You know, via music.“ More laughter bubbles out of you. „I do respect his flair for the dramatic.“

Christine gives you a concerned look, whether it is for the mocking of the notorious mafia boss or the ongoing giggle fit is hard to tell.  

..........

It was pretty late by now, most of the patrons had left already and you were cleaning up the booth and packing away the mugs when a sudden scream made you look up.

„OH MY GOD, FIRE!“

You saw one of the nurses frantically looking around, making you spring into action. Grabbing the water bucket from the washing up, you ran to her, yelling „Wanda, careful, the hay!“

There was a decorative bale of hay next to the table which had caught on fire and it was dangerously close to burning as well. Suddenly someone pushed past Wanda and grabbed the bale, pulling it forcefully and away from the flames. You emptied the water on the fire before Wanda threw a thick blanket over the table as well, extinguishing all the flames.

„Phew, how the hell did that happen?“, you asked, running a hand through your hair.

„God I don’t even know - one moment I was putting supplies in a box and the next there was this fire, I guess I must have bumped the table and a candle fell over, I -„ Wanda sighed, putting her face in her hands.

You wrapped her in a hug, „It’s okay, nothing happened, are you hurt?“ you rubbed her arms soothingly.

„No, no I’m fine.“ She took a deep breath. „And everything was going so well up until now!“

„Don’t worry, everything still went well, no one got hurt.“ You gave her a comforting smile. “And the market was such a success, happy faces and holiday cheer everywhere!”

You gave her arms a reassuring squeeze, then turned around to see who had grabbed the hay bale, possibly preventing the fire department from showing up. “That was some quick thinking...”, you stopped in your tracks as you saw who it was: the snappy man from earlier, now dusting hay of his coat.

The maybe-mobster looked up. „You reacted very fast as well“, he sounded almost impressed.

„My sister is a fire fighter, I picked up a thing or two from her stories.“ You were still a bit dumbfounded and not sure what to make of him not only still being here, but preventing Carol from showing up as said firefighter.  

He straightened, looking at you so intensely you almost squirmed. He gave a curt nod to Wanda, then spun around and walked away, leaving you stare after him with a puzzled look on your face.

“Thanks, by the way”, you called after him. He raised his hand to acknowledge that he heard you, but otherwise kept walking and vanished between the booths.

“What the fuck just happened?”

[saiilorstars]

The Girl in the Forest

Chapter 5: Down Memory Lane

// Story Masterlist //

Pairings: Klaus Mikaelson x Original Female Character

Summary: Maleny learns (or relearns) a few most important events in her original body, the ones that led to a closer relationship with Klaus.

Pronunciation of OC’s name: Ma-leh-nee

No real warnings for now!

Requested tag: @queenmj10

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

"He's what?" Maleny blinked in horror, the only thing she could do after hearing what Kieran was going through thanks to some resurrected witch.

Cami was both upset with the matter and angry for Maleny's lack of appearance lately. Last night, Maleny had finally decided to come back and was greeted with a cold shoulder by Cami. In the morning, Maleny had practically cornered Cami and forced her to at least say 'hello' and then explain why she and Kieran weren't answering her calls. That's when Cami decided to tell Maleny of the hex that had been placed on Kieran because she couldn't bring herself to plunge the blade of Papa Tunde into Klaus. She'd been given an ultimatum: use the blade on Klaus to save her uncle or disregard it and let her uncle die. At the end, Cami just couldn't do that to Klaus. So now she was there, telling Maleny how their uncle was hexed with limited amount of solutions. Maleny could not believe what she had heard and was a bit ignorant on the glare Cami was sending her at the moment.

"You would've known if you were around," the blonde snapped.

"I tried calling..." Maleny began. It pained her that she couldn't tell Cami anything of what was really going on. It made her look like the bad guy, and while she perhaps was she didn't mean to be.

"Fat lot of good that did," Cami scoffed and turned away, "I needed you, Mal, and you weren't here," the accusation punctured a wound in Maleny's heart.

"I was...I was stuck doing something else, I'm sorry," Maleny sighed, reaching to place her hand on Cami's shoulder, only to have the blonde shake her hand off, "Cami..."

"What was so important you blatantly ignored my calls and decided to skip sleeping here for two days?"

Maleny bit her lip, remaining absolutely silent. This only served to infuriate Cami even more, "We made a plan to save Davina and somehow that turned into an excuse for you to disappear!"

Maleny looked away, offended Cami thought she'd skipped out on their plan when in reality she had been in a sacrificial ritual thanks to some resurrected witch. Of course, Cami couldn't know that because then it would lead her to asking why she was still alive and...no, she couldn't know that.

"Do you know I was attacked by some deranged man in a white suit? I nearly died if it hadn't been for Marcel...and Klaus," Cami decided to add in the end, only to give gratitude. She wanted nothing to do with that man, not even to mention his name.

Maleny sighed, she'd heard that from Klaus himself. She felt awful because she hadn't been there for Cami due to her own issues. Now, she returned to find her uncle hexed and her cousin furious with her. On top of that, she had numerous calls from Elijah on the landline of Cami's house, only adding to the suspicions of Cami. She hadn't forgotten what Marcel had told her about Maleny back in the bar. She wouldn't accept it back then but now with all this and Maleny's strange behavior...perhaps it wouldn't hurt to look into it.

"Cami, I'm sorry," Maleny couldn't find other words to say except those.

Cami turned and opened her mouth to respond when the landline went off again. She marched over to the phone and picked it up, "WHAT!?" she half-shouted, making Maleny wince behind. After a moment, Cami seemed calm enough to answer, "No, Elijah, she's still here," she cast a hard look back at Maleny, "Sure, I'll send her off. But hey, in the meantime, have you or your brother found a way to help my hexed uncle?" she rubbed her temple and gritted her teeth, "Thank you," she muttered and hung up, more like slammed the phone back down.

Maleny carefully stepped closer, knowing just how bad Cami's temper could get at times from her implanted memories, "Hey..."

"Just go," she pointed to the door.

"But you clearly can't be-"

"Maleny, GO!" Cami shouted, making Maleny wince again, "I want to be alone. Go now. I don't need you so go!"

With a sigh, Maleny walked into her guest room to pick up some of her belongings should Cami not open the door for her when she returned tonight, because she would be returning in the night to clear everything with Cami. Half of her mind blamed Elijah and his insistent calls for Cami's attitude. Maleny could not understand what was so urgent that she was needed asap. With a huff, she left the house with an angry Cami inside.

Cami hurried towards the door and locked it before turning and leaning against it. She looked around and spotted her laptop...she had an idea. Marcel's words about Maleny were running through her head more and more, like it was on a loop. Quickly, she rushed for the laptop and plopped down at the table, beginning a search she never thought she'd do.

~ 0 ~

A very irritated Maleny entered the compound, almost stomping her feet with each step she took, "Elijah, there better be a hell of a good reason why I am here," she threatened once she saw the man in the suit up by the balcony, "I have very little patience today and certainly no room for wasting time," she went up the stairs to meet him.

Elijah remained completely calm despite everything that was going on, "My brother has a mystical torture device buried in his chest, and the mother of his child is inexplicably missing. So, I can assure you, I have no time to play any games, either."

"Haley's missing?" Maleny called just as she reached the second floor. Her mind immediately rushed to last night, when Haley mentioned something about having plans of her own. She never actually questioned just what those plans were.

"Yes, you wouldn't have anything to do or know about that, would you?"

"No, I left because I had to go see Cami and Kieran," Maleny shook her head as she followed Elijah, into a room "who is hexed by the way. Thank you very much for informing me of that little detail," she snapped with even more annoyance, "Was anyone ever planning on telling me about that? Because I'm pretty damn sure it was..." she stopped talking once she caught sight of Klaus in bed without a shirt and looking quite in pain, "...what's um...what's going on over there?" she frowned.

"While you dealt with an angry human I dealt with angry vampires," Elijah informed casually as he removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeve, "One of them had to be subdued with a mystical dagger."

Maleny blinked once she caught on what had been said, "Oh and you...you didn't..." she gave him a pointed look which was quickly reciprocated.

"I did."

"Elijah!" she cried, appalled, "How could you?"

"He was about to kill Rebekah," he moved towards Klaus, "I had to do what I had to do."

"He's that mad?"

"He's that mad."

"Wait a minute," Maleny shook her head fast, "It's my understanding that the blade was pretty powerful and...painful..." she eyed the hardly moving hybrid on the bed.

"Oh yes," Elijah nodded, "Every second it remains causes Niklaus untold suffering."

"But it's going to come out right?" she quickly asked, even realizing her haste to be assured it would. That was odd.

"It is," Elijah wiggled his fingers to motion what he was going to do, "Now you may want to step back."

"O-okay..." she did as told and backed away, "...but there's one thing I don't understand, apart from everything else anyways: why am I here? I mean, why so many damn calls? As you heard from Cami's tone, we're not doing so hot. I should be over there trying to fix things with her.

"Because of all the people that could be here, you're probably the only one Niklaus wouldn't immediately slaughter," he used a scalpel and sliced it along the angry red scar on Klaus's chest.

"Oh, that's reassuring," Maleny frowned, "Probably'," she mimicked his tone.

"Potential asset and..." he jammed his fist into the now-open wound, "...you're Maleny Rowan, that name used to do wonders for him."

Maleny looked away when Elijah took out the blade, flinching at the scream of pain Klaus gave as soon as it was out.

"And I due hope your name does wonders at this moment as well," Elijah finished rather calmly as was his nature apparently, "You see, Niklaus will be weak as he recovers. So, watch over him and feed him, if you would. But slowly, please, and from your wrist."

"I'm sorry?" Maleny backed away again, "I would assume there's blood bags in storage around here. Why does it have to come from me?" she held her hands to her chest.

"You said your blood was laced with vervain, yes?"

"Yeah, Haley put me on it."

"It'll burn him and therefore make him ingest it far slower. Perhaps you could use the time constructively? Persuade him not to murder his baby sister," he gave an offer before turning to Klaus, "Niklaus, it was not my desire to bring you pain, but I will not see you hurt Rebekah."

"Elijah. You will pay for this," Klaus warned in a weak voice, threatening nonetheless.

Elijah decided to ignore that and cleaned his hand before taking Maleny to the doorway, speaking quieter, "Now, I fear Sabine will be making a final move against us. I intend to find her and to end this."

"What am I supposed to do?" Maleny whispered, actually afraid of this plan.

"For starters, perhaps show him your necklace," Elijah gestured to the golden chain around her neck, "I wasn't going to mention it to him until I was sure but..."

Maleny put a hand over the locket, "But what?"

Elijah sighed, "Desperate times call for desperate measures. It's the only proof we need to know that you're telling the truth. He'll know it too. So please, just do what you used to do."

"I don't know what I used to do!" Maleny exclaimed, receiving a look to stay quiet. She sighed then spoke quieter, "Yes, I'm the girl, but...I don't remember how to be the girl."

"I don't think that's problem here," Elijah knowingly smiled at her, "Perhaps it's the fact you're scared to be that girl again. I don't blame you, the lives we all lived there weren't easy."

"Scared?" Maleny made a face but couldn't find it in her to defend herself against it.

"Don't refuse your identity. Believe it or not, there were good moments I knew of between you and others in the village. And, I assume, there were plenty more with my brother that none of us knew about," his smile turned into a smirk that had Maleny blushing within seconds.

"Elijah!" she scolded, hitting him on the arm.

"Just remember, alright? No matter how scared you might be, there were good, beautiful moments in your life," Elijah gave her a hug before taking his leave.

"This is great..." Maleny watched after him with a deep breath. She turned and let her bag drop on the floor, "We have some talking to do," she declared as she grabbed a chair and pulled to the side of the bed.

"Must we really?" Klaus could barely turn his head to look at her. Every part of his body was aching and the thirst he felt in his throat was skyrocketing...and she wanted to talk?

"Yes, we 'must really''," she mimicked him, "You are out of your psychotic mind, do you know that?"

At least her humor was still original, "And here I thought I'd be having a sweet little nurse," he gave a small smirk.

"Oh you'd like that," she rolled her eyes, though she did feel a small warmth in her face for some reason, "But no, I'm here to talk about your sister, apparently."

"I'm hungry," was his plain response.

"Okay," Maleny could see she was going to be dealing with an even more stubborn hybrid than usual, "This is how it's going to work: if you want good tasty blood, laced with vervain of course, you're going to listen and you're going to talk. And for once you're in no position to argue. So do as I say and we'll have a dandy ole day," she put on a sweet smile.

"I'd snap your neck right now if I could move properly," he rolled his eyes. Though the more he thought about the action the less he was sure he could actually go through it. That...bothered him.

"And I'd come back to life, apparently," Maleny shrugged, "So that would get you no where," she sighed, now growing serious, "Now, truthfully, how can you want to kill your own sister? You're not thinking straight."

Klaus opened his mouth and then thought of a better idea, "I'm hungry."

"Klaus," she scolded.

"You said I talk and I get blood, so hand it over, love," he smirked.

Maleny rolled her eyes and held her wrist out, "I swear to God if you bleed me out I'll come back and kill you...or haunt you."

"I like your sense of humor," Klaus commented as he grabbed her wrist, "That much hasn't changed, you know."

"Really?" Maleny barely had time to ponder on that when she felt the sharp jab on her wrist's skin, "Ah! Hey, that actually hurt. Slow down!"

"Okay," Klaus finally pulled away, only getting a small part of his strength back. It pained her and admittedly it did make him want to lessen his drinking.

"I'm pretty sure vervain is supposed to burn," Maleny took her wrist back, frowning.

"As you may have yet to realize, the line between what brings us pain and what sustains us is far thinner than one imagines."

"Are you talking about my blood or your senseless need to hunt down your own flesh and blood?"

"I'm too weak for these talks right now," Klaus turned his head away from her.

"I'm no psychologist like Cami but I know my fair share of losses as well. Implanted in my head, but losses nonetheless. How can you hate your own sister?"

"Because she betrayed me in a way I never thought my own 'flesh and blood'", he mimicked Maleny's tone, "would ever do."

"How?"

"Rebekah's always had a lack of judgement when it came to men. I always tried to keep her from a heartbreak, always," he made sure to emphasize that last word, "But she never understood. We were always on the run and the one moment, the one time I allowed her to finally live in freedom...she betrayed me. I let my guard down and given in to happiness, more fool, I."

"But that was a century ago, what could be so bad that you'd want to kill her for it now?" he pointed to her other wrist and when she caught his look she immediately shook her head, "No!" she cried and stood up, "I will decide when you get more," she walked around, "Back to business, you shouldn't take revenge, what would be the point now? Rebekah is your sister. One of the only siblings you have left because let's be honest, your other ones weren't in good contact with you."

"And how would you know that?"

Maleny blinked as she realized, "Oh...I think I remembered," she turned and headed for her bag on the floor.

"Have you been remembering lately?"

"Yes..." she pulled out a small journal, "...but I also have been listening to stories," she glanced over her shoulders, "Stories I'd rather not see..." she turned, "Rebekah told me what you did to my father," at that, Klaus turned his head away again, silent, "Care to elaborate on that?"

"I had no choice," was the answer.

"And isn't that what Rebekah may have thought during 1919? Hm?" she set the journal on the foot of the bed, "Perhaps what you did back then were for the same reasons Rebekah did what she did later on."

"No!" Klaus half shouted, "What I did was for safety! You were human back then and frail and you needed me!"

Maleny was quite unused to seeing that side of him directed towards the current her. For a second she almost forgot the point she was trying to make, "You acted out of love," she began quietly, finding it difficult to look him in the eye for the moment. She found Klaus's black shirt lying on the edge, nearly falling. She picked it up and moved to the side of the bed to hand it over, "Don't be so quick to forget your own past, Klaus," she whispered the warning.

He looked at her a moment, as if heeding her warning. But then he snatched his shirt from her hand, ignoring said warning, "I did not betray my family," he snapped as he sat up, "Rebekah brought to town the one thing I'd been running from for centuries... my father."

Maleny walked back to pick up her journal, suddenly quiet as she recalled Rebekah's story, "I'm sorry for that."

"Yeah, so was I," Klaus muttered.

"Rebekah told me a bit of my original self and in it was you...and a glimpse of your father," Maleny turned to face him as he laid back down, now with his shirt buttoned up, "I'm really sorry for what you had to endure. I heard mine was no better either."

"It was no wonder our father's got along so well," he shook his head, "But unlike me, you had no one to defend you. It was up to me and I made sure that changed."

Maleny didn't realize she'd let loose a smile for those words, but when she did she cleared her throat and scolded him, "That's not changing, that's murdering."

"No, that's not how you saw it back then. You have to see everything else that happened before you make your conclusion."

Maleny groaned in frustration, "How many times do I have to say this: I can't see the visions or dreams on command!"

"Perhaps you could go work on that right now..." he innocently suggested, making her scoff.

"Weak try by the way," she remarked.

"Well I am recovering from a nasty blade," he reminded.

"I'm not leaving and neither are you," she crossed her arms, "Besides, I would think Rebekah and Marcel would be anywhere in the world by now. It won't be that easy to find them."

"Oh, I'm not so sure about that," he gave her a sharp look, "To get away from me, they'll need a cloaking spell, and for that, they'll need a witch. There's only one place they can go..."

Maleny's eyes widened at the realization, "Oh no..." she breathed.

Klaus just smirked in victory, "Home," he finished.

"Don't do this," Maleny pleaded, seeing he had far better chances of finding them now, "She's your sister for goodness sake."

"For that same reason I'm doing this," Klaus snapped, "She should've known better! Now, she'll pay the price," he motioned with a hand for her wrist again.

Maleny reluctantly held her wrist again, "You'll regret it one day, you know," she spoke quietly, only wincing once that time, "I've seen you, remember? I know nearly everything about you. I know your huge paranoia of being left alone, or left out, and how much it troubles you. Well, look at yourself now, you're ready to kill your sister, god knows what you'll end up doing to Elijah. If you go through with all this...you'll really be alone."

Klaus finally let go of her wrist and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "You may as well save your breath, love, no one can persuade me otherwise. My siblings have brought this upon their selves."

"I can," Maleny spoke up rather nervously, "I'm the one person who was able to make you do anything, apparently," she looked down at her necklace and suddenly pulled it off her, "Do you remember this?" she held it out to him.

Klaus's eyes widened, of course he recognized it. How could he not have seen that before!? Tentatively, he reached to touch the pendant, "You never let go of it..." he whispered, his eyes drifting up to Maleny's.

The image of the Maleny he knew, his Maleny, did not fit with the woman that sat beside him. And yet, she had the necklace that had been her prize possession back in the day.

"That girl you met all those centuries ago wouldn't want you to do this," Maleny swallowed the lump in her throat threatening to make her tear up, "Now I may not look like the girl in the forest you used to know, but she's in here," she gestured to herself, "and she doesn't want you to do this either. You won't listen to me just because I don't have pretty blonde hair anymore?"

For the first time since they'd began conversing, Klaus shared a laugh with her, "I didn't like you because you had 'pretty blonde hair'."

Maleny smiled, "That's good to hear. So why exactly did you like me back then?"

Klaus gave her a look for her question, "So now we're going to discuss the matters of our love life?"

Due to her blush, Maleny took a moment to herself and looked down, "Well, technically, it'd be your love life we're discussing. I can't remember mine."

"Somehow that sounds like a distraction so I don't harm my baby sister," Klaus handed her gold necklace back.

Maleny reluctantly took it back and sighed, "I really do mean it, though. I can't remember most of my life. At least tell me how I died. Because that's where it started."

"If I knew then perhaps you wouldn't be here today," Klaus leaned back on the headboard, "We had an...argument," it seemed he had trouble admitting that, "and you ran off. I was too frustrated so I let you go. I waited and waited for you to come back to the village but...you never did. You disappeared."

"And there were no clues as to why or how?"

"We searched for you, for one entire day we all looked for you and...nothing," Klaus sighed, balling his fists as the anger flourished in his blood, "You were gone. The last time I saw you you were so angry with me...that is the last memory I have of you."

Maleny rubbed the side of her neck, unsure of how to go about that topic. She didn't remember anything but he did, and he looked so...guilty. It was startling, honestly, and she felt compelled to make him feel better, "What ever happened I know it wasn't your fault," she reached to take his hand, uncaring of how he would react to it. She was just focused on making him better.

Klaus looked down at her hand but felt even worse. He had buried the disappearance of Maleny Rowan as deep as possible, his guilty conscience never allowing him peace for it. He gently took his hand from under hers, "I think you should wait to see your disappearance before you make statements like that."

"Well, since I can't command the visions, I guess we'll just have to wait," Maleny cleared her throat, "But listen, my body might be gone and technically, yeah, I'm still missing...but that doesn't matter anymore. I'm here, under the oddest circumstances, but I am here and I am trying to get my life back in order. And, believe it or not, you are part of this life. I've seen so many sides of you in my memories and right now I am looking at one that scares me. It scares me to the bone."

Klaus didn't take that so lightly, "Then leave," he snapped.

Maleny blinked, "No, don't take that the wrong way-"

"There is no other way to take it, love. You said what you want now I say what I want: this is me, and you don't have to be here to see me. In fact, I'm going to go do what I should have been doing all along, finding Rebekah and Marcel," and with that he tried getting up from the bed.

Maleny frantically tried to keep him down, "You're still weak! Did you forget that or something?"

"No, and I haven't forgotten my hunger," he cast a rather irritated look at her, "And unless you really want to become my lunch I suggest you move out of my way!"

"Aha, no," she shook her head, "You're not getting any of that. So, be a good little boy and get back into bed."

"If I had a quid for every time a woman has tried that line on me," Klaus smirked.

"Oh, he's hallucinating," she shook her head and stepped back with her own smirk, "Poor thing."

"I wouldn't be so quick to talk," Klaus pointed a finger at her, "If you are the Maleny I knew, then we had quite the nights..." he swayed his head, his smirk widening.

Maleny frowned and clapped her hand over his mouth, "Shut up, shut up right there and then," not a second later did she feel a prick on her palm, making her jerk it away with shock, "You bit me...with fangs."

"Be gracious I didn't go for the neck," was Klaus's simple response.

"Ever the gentleman," she rolled her eyes, "I don't know how you managed to get the women I've seen."

"I'm charming, did I forget to mention?"

This time, Maleny rolled her eyes with a playfulness in them, "Yes, did you also forget to mention how big of a show off you are?" she grabbed her journal and threw it to him, "I've got at least a full page for each women I've seen be shown off all your 'skills' and whatnot."

"You mean showing off my incredible charms," Klaus picked up the journal and started skimming through the pages, not even realizing that for a couple minutes he wasn't even thinking of Rebekah nor Marcel nor anything.

Maleny did.

She smiled genuinely and took a seat on the chair again, watching him read the pages she'd written. The murderous looks were gone momentarily as pensiveness took over, his attention seemingly captivated by what was written on the pages.

Out of the no where, Maleny blurted, "Do you think I could be them too?" Klaus raised his eyebrows as he looked up, "I mean, it makes sense why I see them all," they hadn't actually sat down to discuss that topic, even though it was pretty much unofficially believed.

"You'd jumped bodies longer than Celeste then," Klaus released a breath as he thought more, "But Celeste was a powerful witch and, no offense love, but..."

"I hadn't really mastered my powers yet, huh?" Maleny assumed by the look on his face.

"You were getting good at it," Klaus tried to ease down the truth, "but...you still needed more practice."

"So someone did this to me, for sure," Maleny bit her lip, "Who? And why?" she sighed, "I just don't understand why someone would do this to me."

"I promise you we are going to figure that out," a determination settled into Klaus's tone, "because that person made you disappear. I'll find them."

Maleny smiled, "How's about you promise me that you won't kill your sister instead, hm? I would really like that."

"Nice try."

Maleny groaned, "C'mon, we were doing so well for a short time. Can't we make that last a little longer?"

"Your attempts are full of genuine determination, admirable, but useless nonetheless," Klaus snatched the journal from her hands and opened it up to a page, "You wrote about Le Grand Guignol," he looked up with suspicious eyes, "What do you know about that?"

"That was part of Maya Sterling's life," Maleny shrugged, "You liked the play so you were going to take her there."

"I was..." he nodded with a small sigh, "...but my good ole father had other plans."

Maleny bit her lip as she considered her next words, "You know...I don't really know what happened to Maya. I mean, there's a lot of these women whose endings I don't know about. But, since we're already talking about 1919..."

"You want to know how she died...I don't think you do."

"Yes I do," Maleny assured, "I need to know everything those women did, what patterns they all shared, anything and everything to help me right now. There are some of the women who just...disappeared," her voice went into a whisper of fear, "Just like my first life. They just disappear and are never seen again. I don't want to disappear again. If you're going to murder Rebekah, can you at least do something good today?" she questioned before lightly gasping, "But don't tell Elijah I said that."

Klaus took a moment to consider the plead and decided to get something out of it as well. Next thing Maleny knew, her wrist was being asked for again.

"Are you serious?" she frowned.

"If I'm to get strength then I need blood, no matter how much yours burns," he motioned for her wrist.

"You're not looking so weak anymore," she remarked as she held her wrist again.

"You've turned out to be a good little nurse after all," he said as he took her wrist.

Maleny pretended to gasp, "Klaus Mikaelson, was that a compliment out of your sheer will?"

"Well if you are to be Maleny, the real Maleny I mean, I suppose I could be a tad nice. But don't get used to it," Klaus warned her.

"Why not?" Maleny earnestly questioned, "The night we had those drinks you were a bit nice," she reminded, "I think you even flirted with me."

"Mm, that wasn't flirting. Believe me, you'll know when I flirt."

"Right, so when I'm up against that wall," she jerked a thumb behind her, "and being snogged to death, I'll know," she rolled her eyes, "Look, this is interesting and all, but I really need you to listen: please don't kill your sister."

"Never going to let that go, are you?"

"This is your sister we're talking about! God, I can't believe this is man I saw talking for hours, and I do mean for hours, about a stupid play Maya couldn't care less about."

"Maya loved that play," he argued.

Maleny scoffed loudly, "Oh no, trust me, she did not give a damn about it. The only reason she listened was because it was you that was talking. Where is that man, hm?"

Klaus looked away from her, unsure of what he was more irritated of: the fact that the woman simply would not give up in her useless determinant efforts or that he couldn't seem to stay focused on how he was going to go after Rebekah and Marcel all because a simple brunette kept swaying him with words. What the hell was going on here?

~ 0 ~

Back at Cami's, there were dozens of papers around her bed with her laptop in the center. Cami had a frantic face on as she continuously searched through pile, "How is this possible?" she murmured, chewing on her nail as she read and read her aunt and uncle's letters they always wrote for her family from overseas.

It always happened like that, Cami remembered. Her family would receive letters from Maleny's parents who lived in England, and Cami always remembered there being pictures and even letters handwritten by Maleny herself. But now she physically went looking through them, Cami found herself coming up with nothing but pure letters from her aunt and uncle, no mention of any sort of Maleny - no daughter.

That couldn't be right...could it?

~ 0 ~

Maleny walked into the living room to find Klaus already pouring himself a drink, "Really?" she raised an eyebrow, "I leave for one minute and you go straight for the scotch?"

"It helps," he turned and raised the glass.

"No, it doesn't," Maleny shook her head, "Elijah never said anything about drinking scotch."

"Do not speak to me of Elijah," he snapped.

"You know he loves you, right?"

"Yes. He does, and he proves it time and again, even when my father enlisted him to kill me."

"Ah, see?" Maleny crossed her arms, "All the reason not to hurt him as well," she walked further inside the room, "And while you're at it, you should leave Rebekah too."

"Your tries are getting weak," Klaus remarked.

"Well, you keep feeding off me," she playfully snapped and took his glass, "It's bound to have some effects. Now c'mon, no more," she stepped back with his glass.

"What are you going to do exactly to prevent me?" Klaus raised an eyebrow. Maleny looked around in thought and resigned to drink down what was left, "That was your master plan?" Klaus actually laughed a genuine laughter.

Maleny set down the glass on the counter beside them and sighed, "If it's what I must, then I shall," she considered grabbing another drink but she remembered she'd have to return to Cami sooner or later and she'd rather do that in all her senses to patch things up with her 'cousin'. She looked up to find Klaus silently looking at her, "Why are you looking at me like that?" Maleny was quick to ask in alarm. For all she knew, Klaus could be plotting how to get her out of the way in order to find Rebekah and Marcel.

"For a split second, you looked...exactly like Maleny back in the day," Klaus explained in a quiet tone, seeming stunned at the fact.

"Okay," Maleny nodded, unsure of how to respond coherently. But as the silent minutes, that seemed more like hours to Maleny, dreadfully passed, she had a few words in her head, "Why are you looking at me like that now?" she sheepishly asked, now feeling a small blush on her face.

In the meantime of the silence, Klaus had been staring at her with an expression Maleny would have to classify as interest. Unbeknownst to her, Klaus was thinking, or wondering, how she might look like now if she were back in her original body. She was really that girl in the forest he used to meet all the time? In that moment he realized how much he missed her and wanted her back. He didn't care who he had to go through, he would find the person responsible for her disappearance and make them pay. Simultaneously he would find someone to break the spell and put her back in her original body. He wanted to see her pretty blonde hair again, and perhaps, even-

"You're still doing it," Maleny accused, unable to find peace with her balance. She shifted from one side to the other waiting for the hybrid to make a word or something.

Instead of answering, Klaus reached to touch her face, startling her. He wanted to see if she felt different. Being inside a body that wasn't yours had to feel odd but what about those around that person? If he caressed her, would she react the same way she did back in the old days? With all the other women he never knew it could have been his Maleny, and so he never paid attention to these kinds of things.

Suddenly, a phone beeped and seeing as Maleny's had been broken back at the plantation house she knew it had to be Klaus's. On cue, he stepped back and checked his phone, his eyebrows raising when he read the message, "Oh, I hate to be a know-it-all. My sister and her lover have been spotted in town. So, our time endeth here, I'm afraid."

Maleny watched him walk to a statue and promptly knocked it down. Out came an indestructible white oak stake from it, "What is that?" she pointed.

"A white oak stake, my own special version. And, unlike the one my father had, this one cannot be destroyed," Klaus waved the stake with a smirk and sped out of the room.

Maleny blinked, barely able to process what had happened. Such weird things happened...

She shook her head and dashed out of the room, she couldn't let anything distract her from the main problem.

~ 0 ~

"Hi, this is Camille O' Connell, I'm calling on behalf of my cousin, Maleny Woods," Cami had her landline phone pressed on her ear while she held yet another photo album of her family, "She just wanted to make sure her credits transferred to her English literature class for the semester."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but there are no records of Maleny Woods in this college," the woman from the other line informed.

Cami stopped walking, "Oh really," by this point she wasn't as surprised to find yet another place missing a student Maleny Woods, "Not even a 'Maleny Woods O' Connell?" Cami gave the benefit of the doubt to Maleny in case she'd used her entire name that included Cami's aunt's maiden name.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but there's nothing here," the woman repeated.

"Thank you," Cami hung up and tossed the phone to the table. She sighed in frustration and shut the album in her hands. This was impossible. There was nothing...nothing of the woman Cami believed was her cousin.

She'd called the last community college to see about that credit transfer that Maleny had told her about over the phone the night she was to leave New Orleans with her. And yet, now Cami knew there was nothing of Maleny in said college. And it was not just that...it was everything else. There were no pictures of Maleny as a child, teen, adult, alone or with her family. But Cami could distinctly remember specific memories that Maleny was in. And yet...she wasn't there.

~ 0 ~

Maleny had found Klaus not too far from the compound, currently feeding on some poor man, "What are you doing?" she sighed.

Klaus let the man go and sent him on his way, all compelled of course, and looked at Maleny with half a sarcasm tone, "Well, if you have to ask, you obviously haven't been paying attention. I'm going to kill my sister, but first, I needed some sustenance with a little less vervain in it. No offense."

"Believe me, none taken," Maleny assured and shook her head, "You can't do this."

"Give me a couple minutes, I'll get strength back and then I'll prove you wrong."

Maleny put a hand on her head, "Take it from me," she began again, serious now, "I don't know what's going on with me, all I know is that I'm some girl from the old world that disappeared. I don't have any family anymore. The one person I did have...you killed. I'm alone now, in the 21st century, I've got nothing left. You do, you have your siblings and you're going to hunt them both down. Isn't that what your father did to you?"

Klaus stepped back and narrowed his eyes at her, "Are you calling me my father?" the accusation making it a deeper wound than he was willing to admit.

"Well...not really but kill Rebekah and I won't see any difference between you two at all," Maleny crossed her arms, "You'll be a senseless murderer like he was."

"You have no idea of the past, what happened, my reasons for doing what I did...come, let me show you an answer to one of your questions," and before Maleny could protest, Klaus sped up and grabbed her by the arm, speeding off to who knew where.

~ 0 ~

Maleny found herself in front of the ruins of an old opera house, the precise one that Mikael had burned down in 1919. Confused, she looked at Klaus, "What? I know, it burned down, so what?"

"You really don't remember what happened, do you?" he began considering the way in which he would tell her about her predecessor's death.

"Remember what?" Maleny shrugged, staring at the opera house again, "What's going on?"

"Maya Sterling, the same day the opera house was burnt down...she disappeared," Klaus began, ignoring the look Maleny was now giving him, "But she was found that same day...on the stage...staked to death and hung up like a prop," Maleny was frozen on her spot as she listened to his words, her eyes tearing up, unaware that were so Klaus's, "She wasn't the only one up on stage, there was Marcel, staked to a cross by the hands. Maya was...dead," Klaus swallowed hard, "There was nothing I could do for her so I tried to help Marcel but my father had other ideas. Rebekah attempted to intervene. And you know, all these years, I actually believed she was trying to save me..."

"Wouldn't you have tried saving Maya if she had still been alive?" Maleny softly questioned, making him think about it, "Rebekah was just doing what her heart was telling her to do."

"I had to run, beaten like the dog my father believed me to be," Klaus ignored the comment as he stared at the opera house, "And as we fled for our lives, he burnt it all to the ground. And with it, we assumed, Marcel. I lived, but all that we had built died, as did the last shred of me that felt human," he finally turned to Maleny, "I lost Maya because of those two."

"But...but I'm still here," Maleny gestured to herself, "I mean, it's weird but-"

"You're not her," Klaus interrupted, "You...you're afraid of me. You said it yourself. I scare you to the bone. So now, I'll go play the role I'm given, the one you've appropriated for me as well."

"No, Klaus, I-I didn't...I didn't mean to," Maleny tried to step closer to him but he sped away and left her on the street. She felt tears welling in her eyes as she realized she had unintentionally hurt him.

She looked at the opera house and shuddered a breath, hoping to God she would never remember the death she had went through as Maya. She shook her head and turned to head back to the compound where she'd left her things. She'd have to go find someone else who could help her now. On the turn of the street, she bumped into someone and heard a book drop to the ground. She bent down and picked up the blue book and handed it to the young man it belonged to, "Sorry."

"It's alright," the young man nodded with a smile that made Maleny sheepishly give one back. She went around him and continued down the sidewalk. She never looked back which allowed the young man to watch her go unnoticed.

~ 0 ~

Next Day

Maleny could not believe she was walking into Davina's old room in the attic of the church...where Davina herself now sat in, alive. She'd returned, apparently, by killing one of the resurrected witches. Marcel had called Cami's house where he'd requested not only her but Maleny as well. The two 'cousins' had been trying to talk once more, if Cami ignoring Maleny was 'talking' anyways, when Marcel had called in. What was worse was that Maleny found out the three Mikaelson siblings were currently stuck in the cemetery until nightfall tonight. Maleny feared for Rebekah's life, as well as Elijah's, for Klaus was in a state of utter fury. The only hope was for Davina to be able to lower down the boundary spell.

"Davina..." Maleny stood at the doorway of Davina's room, her heart breaking at the sight of the young girl. Cami had, begrudgingly remained downstairs for the moment with Marcel and Kieran after Marcel had specified that Davina wanted to see Maleny first for some reason.

"Maleny!" Davina gasped when she saw the brunette, "I...I know what happened to you..." she blinked with wide eyes, "...m-m-most of it anyways."

"You do?" Maleny could have nearly ran for the girl to get most of her answers but remembered the situation. As much as she wanted her answers she kept thinking about Klaus and the mistake he was about to commit, or could commit at any moment.

"It's a spell, you were tricked," Davina breathed heavily, her mind too exhausted from everything she'd endured in limbo to fully explain at the moment.

"Davina, I'd like to hear what you know but right now you're more important," Maleny slowly walked up to the bed and remained at the foot standing up, "Marcel mentioned something about being in limbo..."

"I was alone..." Davina began, pulling her knees to her chest, deciding it was best to talk to Maleny once her head was cleared, "...for a moment, anyways, but then I heard them. Voices, whispering to me."

"Who?"

"The ancestors. They're so angry with me. I used my power against my own, and they said they'd do horrible things to me if I misuse my magic again."

"Then all we have to do is just get you to start practicing magic like you used to," Maleny cautiously took a seat on the bed, "Before the Harvest."

"No, the witches don't want me anymore..."

"Yeah but if this Harvest thing is completed then bygones should be bygones," Maleny shrugged, "They got what they wanted in the end, after all."

"You're really a witch, you know that?" Davina surprised her with the confirmation of her powers, "I saw it, the ancestors, they know you. They've been watching you..."

"Oh goody," Maleny rolled her eyes, "Must be a hell of a freak-show for them. But right now, I don't matter, you do. Take my advise, try to start practicing magic like you used to before Marcel took you."

"You say that like it's so simple, but the witches aren't just gonna let me go. They're not done with me."

"No one can control you unless you let them."

"How do I even know who to trust? Should I trust Marcel? The first thing he did when I came back was try to use me again to help Rebekah. I'm sure Cami has something she wants from me too."

"And me too," Maleny sighed, "The curse resolved, to find my body-"

"But you're different, you're not asking me to fix you," Davina half-smiled, "You're telling me you don't matter...you're not like the others, that's why I only trust you."

Maleny smiled softly, "Then if you trust me, follow my advise. Look, if you want, we can go back to your coven and we can ask them for help."

"When I came back, the voices I heard, they said the only ones who could help me are the witches," Davina sighed, "But, after what I did to them, they hate me. So, how can I go back and ask for their help now?"

Maleny's heart broke all over again as the young girl broke into sobs again.

~ 0 ~

"Do you think there's any way of getting the witches to take Davina in again?" Maleny asked Marcel once Cami had taken her turn to see Davina, Kieran already gone to tend to the human fraction.

"Oh, like that's a possibility," Marcel scoffed in exasperation.

"Well until we haven't performed it, it is," Maleny crossed her arms, "You know the witches well, don't you think it'd be best for you to ask help?"

"Do you know why I know the witches so well?"

"You used to be a tyrant, yes I'm aware," Maleny nodded, "But you're not anymore and you want to get Rebekah out of that cemetery as much as I want to, so guess what? Talking to the witches is our best option."

"And do you really care Rebekah or Davina?"

"Excuse me?"

Marcel stalked up to her with a menacing look, "I know you don't exist, that you're a complete lie!" Maleny flinched at the loud tone that was being used against her, "I don't know how you did it, how you keep doing it, but you're nothing but a lie. Cami and Kieran think you're their family when the truth is all those thoughts were implanted in their heads!"

"Don't you yell at me!" Maleny snapped, raising her own voice back, "You think I like lying to Cami?"

"Seems like it to me! But your game ends here because I told Cami everything and I doubt it'll be long before the doubt really kicks in and she'll start digging, realizing that you're a lie."

With that, Maleny was left alone as Marcel sped out of the church to take her advise on the witches. She turned around and blinked with wide eyes as she saw Cami standing at the doorway of the staircase. Maleny swallowed hard as Cami came towards her, the intent of discussing that matter etched all over her face.

~ 0 ~

Night had fallen over the French Quarter and with good news for Davina. She'd been accepted back with the coven and the Harvest Girls. However, Maleny wasn't doing too hot at the moment. She and Cami had a very, very long 'discussion' about Maleny's past.

"This is when we went to camp, remember?" Cami held up a photograph of her younger self and her twin in a forest, "You and I learned how to swim in the coldest lake possible. And yet...you're not here."

Maleny tried taking the photograph but Cami stepped back, more furious than ever, "Cami, I'm sorry. But you really don't understand-"

"Of course I don't understand!" Cami exclaimed, "I don't understand anything! How you're not in any of our photo albums. How you're not even mentioned in the letters my aunt wrote for us...I don't get it."

"I didn't choose any of this, Cami. Davina says someone put a spell on me. It's all very complicated but I didn't want to lie to you."

"The fact is you didn't have sufficient trust in me to tell me what was going on," Cami pointed, "You had the chance and you decided to tell everyone else - even Davinawhom you'd only met for a couple hours, and not me, your family!" tears started to well up in her eyes as she kept going, "I'm human, yes, but I could still help you! I would've done anything to help you! But you didn't trust me..."

"No, that's not true," Maleny began to say but Cami had had enough with everything.

"Actions speak louder than words, Mal, and yours have screamed at me what you thought," with that, Cami went for the suitcase Maleny had left in the corner of her room, "And since you don't trust me, then I don't want you here."

"Cami..."

"I don't want you anywhere near me or uncle Kieran, my uncle Kieran," Cami brought the suitcase up to Maleny, "And don't you dare tell him the truth because that is the last thing he needs right now. Leave, I don't care where you go or what you do, just GO."

"Cami, please," Maleny pleaded but Cami wouldn't listen anymore.

"Get out, Mal," Cami spat the nickname and pushed past her, heading for her own room to await for her 'cousin' to leave her home.

~ 0 ~

Rebekah stood in front of Cami's house later in the night, awaiting for Maleny to come near the window or something to get her attention. She'd been making stops with everyone before she left the city and Maleny was her last one. She wasn't in the mood for a whole talk with Cami as she was sort of in a rush, she didn't want Klaus to have time to regret his deal with her and really come after her again.

Suddenly, she saw Maleny stepping out of the house and so went towards her, only to slowly come to a stop when she saw Maleny's suitcase in hand as well as her bag over her shoulders, "What's...what's going on?"

Maleny was startled to see the blonde at the spot, never really getting news afterwards on what kind of plan had struck between her and Klaus due to her arguments with Cami, "What are you doing here, Rebekah?" she rolled her suitcase behind her as she came up to Rebekah, "And Klaus? Is he okay?"

Rebekah caught the extra concern for her brother and smiled, "He's fine - under what fits," she answered for Maleny's sake, "I came to say goodbye but what are youdoing?" Rebekah's eyes were glued to the suitcase, "You're leaving?"

"Not by choice," Maleny sighed, "Cami found out I lied and, well...she wasn't too happy."

"Understatement, by the looks of it," Rebekah raised her eyebrows, "You got an idea where you're going, then?"

"Um, got a bit of money saved, going for a hotel nearby."

"So you're not leaving the city?"

"No, but apparently you are," Maleny was now staring at the bright red car Rebekah had parked in the street, "Why?"

"Klaus gave me my freedom," Rebekah shrugged, "Definitely took it. It's for the best, too much tension, and..." she sighed with resignation, "...this is the best for both of us."

"I'm sorry," Maleny said quietly, "I thought I could get him to change his mind but I guess I was only kidding myself if I thought I had that kind of power."

"Look, Maleny, I came to say goodbye and give you my number," Rebekah handed over the small piece of paper, "Heard you were caught in a fire and blah, blah, blah, so here's the number again. Give me a call here and then, like our old chats when we were human."

"Then you accept I'm really her?"

Rebekah smiled softly, "Yes, and because of that, I want us to have that friendship again, even if it's through long distance. You and I, we used to be like sisters back then..."

"I remember that," Maleny nodded again as she recalled the several visions she'd seen about them, "We used to share all our secrets with each other, all of them..." she flushed with embarrassment.

"Your biggest one being your love for my brother," Rebekah was sure to remind with a smirk.

"Oh, God," Maleny looked away, even more embarrassed.

"Do you remember what happened to you during that time?" Rebekah wondered genuinely, "Why or how you disappeared?"

Maleny shook her head, "No, it's all still fuzzy but I'm sure the more I work on it the more I'll begin to remember."

"I had suspicions that it could've been Klaus..."

Maleny's eyes widened, "N-n-n-no!" she immediately said, "I know it wasn't him! He...he can't have been," she grew quiet as she thought, "No...I refuse to believe that."

"Do you still love him?" Rebekah also wondered, curious to know if that true sentiment had prolonged throughout the course of time.

"What? I...I don't know," Maleny blushed deeply, one that even Rebekah could see through the dark night and even made her laugh, "It's all too confusing right now. Besides, I think I've hurt his feelings earlier in the day. I'll be lucky if I can walk the street without being cornered."

"Earlier, I'd wanted to start an investigation on your disappearance, my assumed culprit being my brother, but now I'm not so sure..." Rebekah honestly said, "...I think there's more to this than I realized, and perhaps I've judged my brother wrongly. If you've been the women he's repeatedly fell in love with over the centuries then make no doubt that the story will repeat itself again, only this time...try to stick around forever, yeah?"

"I'd love to, but I'm cursed, haven't you heard?" Maleny sighed while Rebekah's eyes widened, "Davina's going to help me, Klaus was going to help me too but now I don't know..."

"You know, I know a place you could stay in...maybe start on that plan," Rebekah smirked, Maleny dreading the plan she was in the dark about.

"Where...?"

"The one place you ought to be from now on," Rebekah declared then grabbed the handle of Maleny's suitcase, "Come along!"

~ 0 ~

Elijah stood in the courtyard of the compound, now a lonesome building without Marcel and his vampires lurking about. Even Hayley had decided to stay with her pack at least until the full moon next month to see if the curse would finally break, thanks to a conjuring of Celeste. He heard footsteps nearing the building which surprised him because, truthfully, she was the last person he expected to see for the night.

He turned to find Maleny standing at the threshold with an apologetic smile and a face stained with tears, "I-I'm sorry...Rebekah, she brought me here," Maleny rubbed the side of her face, "Cami and I, we had an argument...she knows I lied to her and her family so she kicked me out. Rebekah said I should come here and left before I could even say something..."

Elijah looked up to the second level, knowing Klaus was probably already beginning on the drinking and whatnot. He began forming an idea in his mind on just how to help Klaus. He walked up to Maleny with a smile, "I think Rebekah did right," he motioned for the suitcase Maleny held on to.

"But Klaus and I, he's upset with me..." Maleny felt the need to say before Klaus himself turned up to kick her out.

"Believe me, it'll be alright," Elijah assured as he took her suitcase.

Maleny had no choice but to believe him for the moment and began following him up the stairs, hoping to God everything would really work out fine. It had been a long, long time of living this cycle. She just wanted to break the spell and finally be free to live in her own body. Was that too much to ask?