#hahaha. also i fucking got a dating app because i thought i changed and i would be able to talk to people on them now

[born-to-lose]

I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself

[biolums]

my mental state: a moodboard.

[thirstofgames]

kitty and the jailbird

#️⃣2️⃣

-IT'S A MATCH-

A blank chat popped open and Damien stared at it for a second. He had honestly not expected it. The girl actually swiped him right. He looked at the clock impatiently; he did not have much time left in the library. There was a loud shout from the hallway, his muscles tensing, ready to hide the phone and bolt at any second.

He regretted that last question right as he pushed send. It sounded so bitter in his head now. It was a dating app after all and she was a good looking young woman.

you there?

...

hello?

busy flirting with your other matches, huh?

And there it was all about to end, the hot topic of his whereabouts. And the swift and cruel rejection that followed. It had already happened one too many times! Could he go through his again? Was it worth it? His palms were sweaty, but he never felt so cold. If the ground could just open up and swallow him whole before she finished asking... 

No, sorry

Just a little surprised we matched

you can unmatch if you want

Well, what I want is to talk with you 😊

Your profile caught my eye

what part?

Your profile pic at first.

Most guys can't pull off the broken, deep and scowling thing

But... looks good on you.

you don't look so bad yourself-

but then I read your description...

and I have to know something

shoot 🙄

It was a simple Yes/No question, but it took Kate way to long to answer. She bit her lip, thinking hard on the possibilities. It was such an unfair question though. She was not going to leave, but was not going to pursue anything with him until she knew what he was in for and how long he was going to be locked up. She'd wasted enough years waiting up on others... 

I'm just a little confused 🤔

Are you really in jail?

you gonna leave if I say yes?

It really depends...

A bittersweet smile spread on his lips. What was he expecting from a girl like her? She probably had a nice job, a supporting family and tons of friends and... an actual future. Why would she even consider wasting her time with him? The little time he had left... Better to just pull off the band aid!

She felt to bad! She hadn't meant to disregard his feelings, but wasn't it fair to let her know what she was getting into? She didn't even know what he was expecting from the conversation they were having... She was curious, but she didn’t want to lead him on.

okay, let's just say...

the orange pants and barbed wire are real

OMG

I have so mane questions 😱

here we go...

What did you do?

Wait, where do you even hide your phone?

STOP!

enough with the interrogation, alright?

I'm just curious...

sure, but i'm more than just a prisoner

a little respect goes a long way

Kate’s heart sank. He was hot, but the prison was a serious issue... She supposed people were not lining up to get to know him. He seemed pretty well rounded and mannered, but he was very defensive about his crime. Did that mean it was something really bad? But he was on a dating app... so maybe he was getting out soon? 

You're right!

I'm so sorry 😓

Let's change the subject

Why don't you tell me what you're looking for

hmmm

What?

i'm thinking...

nobody's really asked me that before

Seriously?

most people stop talking to me when they find out i'm locked up

i don't really blame them. i'm rough around the edges.

She didn't say anything for a while and Damien started wondering if he should just close the damn phone and leave. He should also probably take a break from Lovelink after this... it clearly wasn't doing him any good. Dark thoughts swarmed his mind and he had to close his eyes and head his head back against the bookshelf to get rid of the harrowing feeling. Like he was falling in an endless pit...  

The screen showed him typing and deleting several responses. Kate pursed her lips, impatient. Had she said anything wrong? She’d never spoken to someone who’d been locked up, she was still unsure what could trigger painful memories, or just remind him that he was... not free. But he said he just wanted to chat and his profile mentioned 'deep conversations'... 

Okay, I'm not running away, for now

but...

But I can't really make up my mind

If I don't know anything about you

So...

alright

honestly I'm just looking to talk to someone from the outside

it can get pretty boring in here, just waiting around the clock

Let's be friends then 😊

I'll be your window to the outside world

If that's alright with you...?

Damien sighed on the other end. Beggars can’t be choosers. It was a step in the right direction though. Maybe he was not going to find the love of his life at the very fucking end of said life. He was not living in some fairytale! He was still going to die, alone and forgotten.

But maybe... just a little less alone at the very end of his road. One friend meant more than none and maybe, just maybe... he could tell her his side of the story. Eventually. She seemed patient and understanding enough. Let at least one person out there know he did not murder his own father. 

sure

that's more than most

Of course a pretty thing like her got a lot on attention... She was only chatting up with him because the others were offline- 

but it must have been pretty bad to be such a long sentence

you still can't tell me what the crime was?

look, i've been making my own rules my whole life

you better ask what crimes I DIDN'T do

wow...

i'm no bragging or anything, just letting you know where I'm at

anyways, I'm more interested in what you're all about

what are you doing on an app like this?

Honestly...

I was about to uninstall it right before we matched 😅

Oh

you already found the one?

or no luck at all?

Well, I went on a few nice dates...

i see

Suddenly his experience on the app seemed less awful. Maybe it was not the right place. Or perhaps it was just the place for a misfit like him, here with all the weirdoes and con artists. 

And then they ditched me for their exes

Just my luck 😂

Oh and I swear to god if I see one more vampire 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄

vampires?

Yeees

You wouldn't believe some of the things I saw...

OMG, one dude was actually dresses up as a centaur

I...

don't even want to ask

There's also the 'prince' scam going around

Dudes claiming to be the heirs of some  

Made up countries and asking you for money

It wasn't quite a rejection, but it still hurt a little. She already mentioned twice she was only interested in him as friends. She didn't need to spell it out every few minutes! But she was the only one... 

Met some nice people too ☺️

Actually became good friends with some

Which is nice since I just moved here

were did you come from?

Pallay 💜

you're a long way from home

I know 😢

I suppose it was getting kinda lonely

My friends and family come visit when they can

But that's not a lot...

what brought you here?

Got a really good job opportunity

But I didn't quite realize how far away I'd be

So yeah, to answer your question from before...

I'm kinda just chatting with new people

Made more friends than anything else lol

Hope that's aright with you 🤗

A smile crept on his lips. An actual, genuine smile. How long had it been since he had any reason to? God, it felt good to talk to someone! Someone who didn't know him, who didn't shout 'walking corpse' after him, didn't judge him. He almost felt like his old self. Almost. 

i'm cool with that

Great!

Looking forward to getting to know you, Damien 😄

so let's get to it

tell me about yourself

hobbies, favorite food, anything

my hobbies are always changing 🤔

I start something new every month or so

Oh, and I started volunteering at a vet lately

🐱🐶💕

With a friend I made on this app

it suits you

Hmmmmm how would you know?

We've only just met

just a hunch

I could secretly be evil 😈

you couldn't hurt a fly

besides, I've seen evil and believe me

you're not it

I'm guessing you're not going to elaborate on that

Are you?

see, you know me so well already

Smartass 😝

 At lest until she finds out.

And I love food 🤤

Who doesn't? lol

But picking a favorite is like... impossible

I do have one hell of a sweet tooth  🍫🍬🍦

I'm soooo jealous

I miss making my own meals

That's right! You probably just have a cafeteria.

I'm so sorry 😓

it's cool

i'm glad we have something in common

Is there any food you miss?

Wait... was there even steak in that picture? Kate felt her ears burning, the fluffy pajamas studently itching at her skin.

just makin my own in general, being in charge in the kitchen

Damien scrolled quickly through his phone, the memories leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He nearly didn’t send the photo. It felt like so long ago, a different time...a different person. But it felt so good to remember! To be reminded of the more happier moments when he had all his life ahead of him! And showing her a piece of his past may make her curious enough to stick around for a while longer.

He hit Send.

-Tap to download photo-

Oh

Looks... delicious

you like steak? 

Oh yeah, the food 😳

Wish I could have a bite of that hahaha

So not so shy and innocent as she claimed. Good to know. Even if it didn’t lead anywhere, which he had to be realistic about - he was on death row after all - it was still fun. The most fun he’d had in a long while. It felt...nice.

HA!

i wish you could too 😏

The door of the library swung open hitting the opposite wall. The guard in charge could be heard arguing with someone. At least four voices. He had to move fast.

I'm really hungry now 😅

good

Kate stared at the screen, the little green light besides his profile picture going grey. She scrolled through the conversation as if to make sure she hadn’t just imagined it. She tapped the picture he’d sent, a small smile creeping on her lips. He looked so... normal. Well, more like smoking hot, but she expected some kind of dump, or some greasy repair shop, not Greek sculpture level abs. The boy should come with a warning! She was a sucker for bad boys, but had she gotten so bad that she was now considering a fucking convict? What if he was a murderer or something??

shit!

???

someone's coming

gotta hide my phone

talk soon

Be careful! 🙏🏻

Her ice cream, forgotten on the coffee table, had turned to soup.

What had she gotten herself into?

[purplesurveys]

1127

1. What is one thing you will never do again? Watch The Hours. Film itself is great, but is way too triggering.

2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? I’d take happiness easily. It’s not bad for the most part to make mistakes and I’d rather be too clumsy than be altogether miserable.

3. What happened the last time you cried? It was the day of what would’ve been our anniversary and at that moment I was alone in my car at a parking lot (waiting for the office to open) on a gloomy day. I just had to cry and let my feelings out for like 5 minutes to accept everything but I was immediately fine afterwards, haha. Grief can be funny.

4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? My first job interview. It was my first adult thing ever. They never got back to me - very professional of them - but I was still grateful for the experience nonetheless.

5. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? That I was in a whole ass relationship for technically 6 1/2 years. They probably have an inkling by now, but only about me being in a relationship. I’m sure they would be very surprised if they ever found out how long it had actually gone for.

6. What’s your worst habit? I pick at my toenails when I’m nervous or stressed. I tend to do this when I’m doing a work task that I particularly dread, and sometimes I’ll end up being fixated on the habit for like 10 minutes straight and not get anything done.

7. What superpower would you have for one day? Time travel, just to take quick trips to multiple decades and see how life was like during those times.

8. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? Matty from 13 Going on 30 would be one of them. Albert Finney’s character in Two for the Road is also charming as fuck.

9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? If money wasn’t an issue, probably somewhere cozy in like Switzerland or Canada.

10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve? Not necessarily a pet peeve but I get extremely uncomfortable when someone hands me a gift then they insult the gift while in front of me, saying it’s not a great gift or that I probably don’t need it, etc. Filipinos also have this habit of saying something along the lines of, “You earn way more than me so you’d probably think this gift sucks” like how do you want me to react :(((((( I love receiving gifts and the idea of being thought about already means a lot to me, so it just makes me wince a little bit when I hear statements like the above.

11. Who knows you the best? Gabie, probably. I’ve changed a lot since then, though.

12. What after school activities did you do in high school? Clubs were mandatory extracurricular activities in my high school; in my time, I joined the table tennis and yearbook clubs.

13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive? Idk, we didn’t have those in school. I probably would have been honored to get a journalism-themed one though; something like Most Likely To Write for NYT or Most Likely to Win a Pulitzer or something like that. Obviously that’s changed now and I’ve long let go of journalism as a passion.

14. What’s the last book you really loved? I haven’t read in a long, long while.

15. What was the greatest television show of all time? I don’t watch a lot of TV so I’m not the most credible decision-making body for this lol, but out of all the shows I’ve watched the best one would easily be Breaking Bad.

16. What’s been your favorite age so far? 16. Life was insanely easygoing back then and everything fell into place for me at the time.

17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self? Know when it’s enough. Be kind to yourself.

18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Have kids.

19. Apologize or ask permission? I don’t understand the relationship between the two.

20. Unlimited love or money? I would love to never have to worry about finances ever again.

21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do? Take a week-long leave for work, spend all my money, bond with my dogs, throw a party for my closest friends, and honestly, make my peace with her.

22. What’s your most listened to song? Spotify doesn’t show that feature, but I bet it’s from Paramore or Hayley anyway. It would be impossible to know my most-listened to song of all time, like if we took into account my Spotify, iTunes, etc.

23. Beach vacation or European vacation? I need a beach vacation badly, but a European vacation would be a new and different experience. I’d take the latter.

24. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? Playing the piano.

25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Depends on how much I won lmao. I’d probably retire this early if the money was big enough since I’m pretty stingy anyway. But generally, I would like to pay off whatever bills my parents are currently paying for, get back the car that we had to sell because of the pandemic, and maybe go for a solo vacation or five heheh.

26. What celebrity would you trade lives with? Kylie Jenner, for a day. Just so I can briefly have a taste of how being that rich is like.

27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? Nope.

28. What story do your friends still give you crap about? Staying with Gab despite the red flags that glared for four whole years is one of them. Angela will also never let go of that one time I tried some kind of fruit juice in high school and I described it as ‘packs a punch.’ It’s understood as a super Westernized idiom where I live and literally no one uses it in a casual sentence, so it was a hit with her and now we use ‘packs a punch’ whenever we want to describe something awesome or surprising.

29. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Mayonnaise and I will die on this mayonnaise-coated hill.

30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night? Ideally? At this point? Like 20. I would love for that to be the case on the first Friday we can consider the Philippines COVID-free.

31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far? Sorry for yet another incoming Paramore reference but they literally have a lyric that goes, “22 is like, the worst idea that I have ever had.” Before turning 22 I used to think it was a weird line, like how could 22 possibly be unenjoyable? Now I’m 22 in a pandemic going through a rough breakup and I can’t even see my friends nor work in my first workplace ever.

32. What is your weirdest dealbreaker? If they wanted only cats as pets. I can deal with a dog and a cat, I guess; but cats were never fond of me so I feel like I’d struggle with this situation lol.

33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Mr. Peanutbutterrrrrrr. Has a lot of love to give, doesn’t always use it on the right people. Also lives on pleasing others.

34. Do you believe in karma? Just to a tiny extent, in how I would want people’s awful actions to come bite them in the ass one day. It’s not a philosophy that controls my life and the things I do whatsoever.

35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid? My absolute favorite was Hi-5, with the original cast. As I got older my interests shifted to Spongebob and The Fairly OddParents.

36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person? I don’t think it’s weird, but I don’t hear thighs too often when people list down their favorite physical traits. It’s certainly one of mine.

37. What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem? A Friends-themed one, obviously. This reminds me of the Jeopardy night I had with some friends a few nights ago! That was so much fun, and Andi makes really great and fun questions hahaha.

38. What is something you’re superstitious about? I don’t think I am about anything.

39. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? Maybe that night my grandpa went into a drunk rampage. I was 9, right in his line of sight, frozen and scared shitless, and I didn’t know who he was going to strike next.

40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? I never really think about this. If someone’s a non-politician then there must be a reason they aren’t, lol.

41. What cheesey song do you have memorized? Little Things by One Direction is very cheesy and it’s one of my least favorite songs of theirs, but I still have it memorized out of habit.

42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible? My great-grandpa died all the way back in the 70s, even before some of my aunts and uncles could meet him. It would be cool to spend time with him.

43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? Yeah, absolutely. I have the stomach for it lol, so I always monitor what’s happening locally and globally. Skipping the news from time to time is fine because I get how anxiety-inducing and depressing some events can be, but there’s a huge difference between ignoring the news for your mental health and being indifferent altogether. I’d immediately judge anyone who’s the latter, and would assume you are incredibly privileged.

44. What is the best present you could ever receive? My money refunded -____________- I had food delivered to my director, Bea’s house as a surprise earlier today, but apparently I ran into a scammer driver and the fucker drove away with the meal I had bought for Bea. I reported the driver and the situation, and thankfully the customer service rep of the food delivery app quickly responded and said they’d return the full amount I paid for; but I still haven’t received it.

45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life? No. Mobile data exists for a reason.

46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Check out my voice.

47. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? I’d love to surprise Angela with an overseas trip that would last for like a month. Traveling is one thing we have yet to do as best friends.

48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you? Nothing particular, but it makes me happy when people call me strong and when they validate the shit I’ve gone through over the years.

49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view? I would take the giant house. When it comes to my own place, I would want to have a lot of space to roam around.

50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has? Nothing is coming to mind.

[misssmeat]

I try to do an end of year post each NYE, and this year was a difficult one. That being said, here’s what made 2019 memorable for me. 

(First of all, Tumblr did the NSFW ban in December 2018. So we fucking knew that 2019 was going to be a ROUGH for the sluts of the world. That’s called foreshadowing, kids.)

Started off my year strong by being ghosted by B, who I had completely and utterly fallen head over heels for over the course a year and a half. I had never been ghosted before, had rarely been heartbroken, and was completely hated myself for not being enough for him. I had no idea what to do... so I got on the apps and started dating. 

Loosely “dated” a guy who 1) had seen many aliens, 2) was chased by the men in black, and 3) grew up in a haunted house. He had the best dick I’ve ever played with and therefore 1-3 could be forgiven... along with the rest of his insane existence apparently. Sucked his cock so well that he passed out. 

Got very involved with a submissive partner. Spent a lot of time exploring the dominant side of my sexuality - fucked his butt, made him clean my home, played with prolonged indefinite chastity... and asked him to hold me while I cried. A lot. He helped me survive the worst of it.

Went on dates with two professional athletes. Really weren’t that great, but I’m stupidly proud of the fact. 

Played with partners that didn’t deserve me because I wanted to feel loved, valued, and I desperately needed to feel dominated. However, as a shock to no one: random partners didn’t make me feel loved. D/s dynamics are not powerful with someone you don’t respect. I did not actually enjoy myself. At all. 

Tried to convince myself to fall in love with my best friend who had been in love with me for 10 years because it was a safe option. 

HAHAHA, met up with a guy from Tumblr for FRIENDSHIP REASONS. End up having the most insane sexual chemistry and he cheats on his girlfriend with me, tells me that he’s going to break up with her, I’m a fucking clown and believe him, I get super emotionally invested, and THEN HE CALLS ME AND IS LIKE LOL NEVER MIND I’M STAYING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. FUCK ME HAHAH. 

To summarize up to this point: spent the first half of the year hating myself and questioning why I wasn’t enough for B. Tried to ignore those feelings by attempting to fill his void and being slutty

Met L. Everything changed. 

Well, not everything. I continued to struggle with self loathing, doubt, and insecurity. I questioned everything L told me as we started to get to know each other. I assumed the worst in him, assigned him the role of the liar and manipulator. I told myself that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again... I’d be a stupid, stupid girl if I refused to learn from B.

And through my anger, accusations, and massive emotional breakdowns... L stayed. He listened. He comforted. He supported. He relentlessly assured me that I’m not crazy. He helped me understand that I wasn’t at fault. He reminded me that I’m worthy of so much love.   

And then I fucking fell for him. 

And I kind of got a bit boring lol. Less slut time, more healing time. With L’s encouragement, I’m taking time to address the pain I’m feeling and how to work through it, versus ignoring it and trying to fuck my way forward. 

I found a partner, a lover, a (sane) Dom, and a best friend. I am fulfilled every single day as an entire human being - he embraces my power as a woman, laughs at (most) of my dumb jokes, encourages me be daring enough to create a life I love, and cherishes my submissive surrender. 

He also objectifies and degrades me so perfectly. IT IS EXREMELY HOT. 

Also I bought a ton of new sex toys and lingerie. 

In conclusion: 2019 was bumpy and weird. But, I think we say that at the end of every year. Growth. That’s the important thing. As long as I grow each year, I can look back on the last 365 and be thankful. 

Thanks for continuing on this journey with me. The number of you who read my many, many thoughts and feelings each day will always astound me. 

As I start to feel confident again, I’m hoping that 2020 will be filled with healthy naked time, many more almost nude photos (fuck you tumblr), excessive lingerie, and so much time being covered in cum. I hope you stick around for the next 365. 

[justmikerrss]

to all the boys that will *never* love me:

Dear christian, stephen, mikio, oscar, royce, pat, manny, derrick, mars, gill, rex, max, kevin, and nick -- whether y’all were a crush or someone i saw myself being in a relationship with get ready bc i’m going IN. I’m gonna use this time to rank these catastrophes from level 1 to level 5. level 1 being a crush yenno not so bad or scarring, and level 5 being sad machine playing while the world is burning to pieces like bish you left a MARK on my heart. if you know me i think you know who that person is hahaha

*alexa, please play truth hurts by lizzo*

christian - level 1. lol let’s take a trip down memory lane to my first crush ever!! my gosh i remember being so kilig over this boy in elementary school at st. leander lol it was so obvious. hahaha. your spikey hair and like goofy ass smile i don’t know i was such a sucker for that. the first filipino boy i ever crushed on waow <3 but then I left st. leander and never spoke to you again. you went to o’dowd, i went to sjnd and that was it really. you went to sfsu i went to usf. idk how we ever found each other on insta, but it is so cute to see posts of you and jasmine haha a USF don as well!! the last “convo” (i wouldn’t even call it that) was when i commented on your graduation post and you commented back thanking me and saying congrats too. so happy that your trillest brand is killing it and you know nothing about me anymore but what a great time it was to know you were my first crush ever lol. thanks for this <3

stephen - level 1. lol i left st. leander and moved to sjes and was like ok, who am i gonna crush on now?? hello stephen, my first white boi lol. i knew fosho that you thought i was weird in elementary school like there is a particular time where in church i sat next to you and during the our father you did not want to hold my hand LMAO and that’s when i knew. i stood from afar. touched your thumb for heads up 7 up HAHAHA gosh you were so out of my league and such an asshole tbh. you and nick, forever making fun of me for liking mikio lmfao hate y’all forever. you went to lmu and that was history. lmao you were so mean to me. but all well. you were like not a good person i think i just liked you because of your looks? lol hahaha

mikio - level 2.5. oh my god the epitome of my boy problems in high school lmfao fuck you. jk. but high school mika wouldn’t take that back. oh myyyyy what a FLIRT were you. i had so many fantasies thinking we’d be together, we’d be m&m HAHAH BARF wow, and then you dated mel and it was just like??? then you were my escort but then i was like nope and switched you with ryann LOL suuuuper crazy like I don’t really remember the details of everything but i knew in high school being so kawawa over not being noticed by you. but then you went to davis, slo, and now in sl?? idk where you are now but you had my heart back then (barf) but that was such a long time ago that honestly it doesn’t phase me anymore!! a feeling high school mika wouldn’t have thought was possible. so thank you. i liked you because you gave me little glimmers of hope of like maybe we could be together -- you were nice, flirtatious, close to your family... not afraid to make a fool of yourself for the one you’re interested in. which wasn’t me but again that’s okay! I wrote a letter to you didn’t i? idk what i was doing why was i so dramatic tbh. you did things that honestly weren’t in my control so i can’t hate you really. again realizing that you fit my type so it just, idk

oscar -- level 1. when mikio was being a butt i knew i could crush on you. LOL the hugs, the convos, being able to laugh at anything when you were in the room what a time SJND was when you were there. now you’re in boston with your boo and i’m still really regretful over not being able to see you when i was in boston last year but it’s okay. happy that you’re happy out there :-)

royce and pat -- level 1.5. ah. USF college times man. these two were literally a duo. RA’s of the 4th floor (share yall are silly for assigning that haha) and damn, what a trip it was to crush on you. royce you were a dj so thats how i knew my thing for dj’s came. you both did your jobs at ra’s, pat you were on eboard so i saw your hustle there which i super appreciated. and this is also how i knew filipinos were my type? lol. EVEN THO YALL WERE LIKE WITH BOOS lol i am cursed but yall had hustle, swagger, passion for what you love, and still made time for partying it up and studying. and now i see royce at parties sometimes n i would awk hug him (rip at the phoenix hotel party) and i havent seen pat since he graduated but hes so happy with becca!! so cute. and its cute (and weird) how kierst is happy with royce.

****DJ SPARKY/AGANA/YURI -- level 1. yall are dj’s who i will always cringe at bc of how naive i was at shooting my shot... BUT IM GLAD YOU ALL ARE THRIVING OK LETS DISMISS THOSE BOIZ NOW 

manny -- level 2.5. ahhhhh manny manny manny. my first trip towards using dating apps and matching with someone on TINDER!!! LOL!!!! ok anywho i met up with you for a few times and it was just like... a lot of question marks bc i didn’t really know where my standards were when it came to online dating. we went on dates? but the first time i paid, and the second time you “forgot your card” so i paid again?? and then you walked me to my dorm and kissed me on the forehead?? red alert!! then you kept wanting like a second chance, to prove me wrong and i kept ignoring you bc wtf lmao... then i was foolish to let you into my life again and realized that was a mistake and blocked you again. and now you’re like a bonafide dj living your edm dreams. i saw you at audio TWICE omg rip. i liked you because lol ur filipino, a dj, buttered me up a whole ton which again problematic bc i didn’t see any of it within myself... but its okay mika is better now. better to not be talking to you. but thank you for being my stepping stone into dating apps.

derrick -- level 1. omg at times i forget about you! which i don’t know is a good or bad thing but i don’t think i ever told anyone about you lol. we met on okc, this filipino boi (lol a trend) andddd i went on like two dates with him? one, i met up with him at that one coffee spot near golden gate park. then we walked over to ggp and we just talked and thinking about it now it was very ideal for me to be myself fully, in public if that makes sense. you were so nice and genuine omg. we went to sweet maple the second time around and you paid for the food which was like wow!! diff than manny!! and i remember talking to you about kh and you loving it as much as me. but i got scared because you were like 26 or somn? i was still 20 i think and i was like this dude might be asking a lot out of me...so i told him the “this is on me i don’t feel ready and not sure how i feel” spiel. and that was history. i honestly don’t know what he is doing now but he was really nice. i felt no malicious intentions from me, i just wasn’t ready to move forward w him. the first nice guy i ever let down bruh. ugh.i hope you’re doing well now though.  

mars -- LEVEL 5. fuck me i hate this chapter SO MUCH lmao. so many drunk cries and just cries in general post this whole... like chapter. but lets start off with why i liked you: handsome as hell, close to your family, athletic, hustled, SO MF KIND EVEN WHEN I WAS BEING CRAZY, a great homie and bf quality, gave me the false hope of like “yeah ill see if i can come through” “ill let you know when i listen to this” the forever ILL LET YOU KNOWS but still views my stories and still doesn’t let me know mentality.... you never initiated any of our convos. i was STRAIGHT pursuing you even though i didn’t believe that you’d change your mind about just seeing me as a friend. you made that clear to me from the start but i didn’t take that as an answer LOL which is why i was so crazy to keep hanging out with you... even tho you were super busy and i felt like a burden you STILL made time with me, whether that was peruvian food, or thursday nightlife followed by dancing at a bar together (which i ruined when you took me home and asked you about your love language lmao), souvla, and then our final time of seeing each other: san tung and tpumps. what a fucking few months that was...only to come out of it with another girlfriend with the same name as me. LIKE WHAT. ARE. THE. ODDS. i still can’t believe it till this day. my gosh you were so nice to me mars. such a great homie. and i wasnt empathetic or smart enough to make diff decisions to retain what we had...but im happy that you’re happy with mika. other mika. yeah. man i never felt so in the dark when going through this time, this was so rough. i wasn’t eating, i’d cry in bed for days, it was so bad. i’d like to say that I’m healed from that though. lol to burning the shirt which honestly i should have kept bc it was a cute shirt.. but yeah. thank you.

gill -- level 1. lol you were dumb to think i was attractive enough to dance with at the soulection event. we exchange numbers and i think because i told you i was 21, you backed off. lol guess i was a fetus then. still am. lmao. we text for a bit but then i find out you tried to get into arcilla’s pants?? lMAO. oh and then i see you at that pool party, saw you talking to other girls and i broke DOWN bc i was crossed as hell LOL sorry ate kayla that you had to take me home that day LOL ugh i hate myself for that night. and then i see you right in front of me at OSL. in 2019?? for childish?? that was such weird weird fate. thank god you didn’t recognize me (i had long black hair there, you remembered me with short brown hair plus it was dark). i just thought it was crazy. uhm you had the fuckboy vibe and look on point.. knew everything about soulection. family oriented. but it just fizzled bc i blocked you and then just stopped talking to you lol.

*****chris l/frankie -- level 1. again i cringe at how dramatic i pursued yall sorta as crushes but for sure bc yall were soulcycle and about fitness YES bodies 10/10 and you understood soul. but omg chris pls get ur life together (which is what it seems like ur doing??) and frankie well you’ve been having your life together being married and all so0o0o0 im trash for crushing lmao BUT IM GLAD THATS ALL IN THE PAST AND THAT WE’VE FORGOTTEN i think lmao

rex -- level 0.5. lmfao you were dumb you’re gonna keep looking at me and emily only for me to make the move in letting you know i was interested, follow you on ig, and then you block me?? weirdo. bye.

MY HINGE BOYS </3 

Max -- level 3. oh maximus lmao. we talked for a whole month and what a pleasure it was to text you every day, receive and send memes, curate playlists, be w/ each other at different events... only for it to end after we netflix party/facetime where i don’t feel the kilig i’d feel when texting you. so i told you i wanted to be friends. and then i try to still reach out and be friends, but i got delayed responses to no responses. and now you just, look at my stories? lmao i know it don’t mean shit to look and you recently liked my post, but i feel like i invested a lot into our quarantine reality. you had GREAT music taste (even tho ur playlist was a lil questionable), for all i know you were just telling me things to like get you on my good side, motivated, privileged......... yeah. i hope you find your 5′0 qt rave queen that can go to events with u

KEVIN -- level 1. lmfao honestly you SUCK hahaha even with the benefit of the doubt, it does not take 10 hours to reply...even if you are busy at work NICK AND MAX WERE ABLE TO!!! you were spotty to begin with but then we netflix party and then you dont talk to me anymore after i ask if we could exchange music playlists? i didnt even ask u to be my boyfriend its a fucking playlist.... we talked about music so much. ugh BOYS ARE SO DUMB LIKE SERIOUSLY. hope amazon treats ya right

NICK -- level 4. ugh. ughguhgughgh. i liked you because your profile/resume was all my criteria: music taste A1 bc of bryson, i hated mint chip, i loved spongebob (even tho you NEVER sent me spongebob memes fuck u), you were hapa (he he but fuck u) (i laugh while typing this i am so dum), uhm. yeah. we talked everyday consistently for two weeks. you were such a joy to text bc you were funny (i was funny too), even tho it was hard to keep the convo going w you at times in the beginning because you never inquired about me at times. max did. its like you were better than mars, but not like A+ in replying like max was. you never really flirted with me? lmao i mean even those attempts of me tryna bait you, i always got... friend vibes. benefit of the doubt maybe you just didn’t know how to flirt but you had posts of your past relationship up on your feed so you cant tell me that that exp did not have you pursue a girl and flirt her up. to me, there was no initiative from you. i was chasing you for sure. this dating life is a two way street -- life doesn’t work where one pursues you only otherwise like no. bet if i went the fuckboi approach, gave you lame responds would you have kept the convo going? prolly not bc ur a cancer and want to feel needed. the only thing ill commend you on is when you’d apologize for delays in text messages but then you kinda stopped that. like understand i should also feel like i should be pursued and never did i feel that i felt like you just responded just to respond... like you’re a cancer its in your nature to dive deep and ask deep questions but you never did, you were the type to play video games with your pals LMAO and like/????/? me understanding gamer life i was like YES this boy gets me but like CMON. lol so many things. ok maybe i am reading too into this but this is the freshest heartache :/ you never like told me i was cute or anything like... max made remarks about my looks and you never did. i mean cool maybe you were just vibing off my energy but i just now question if you were actually interested in me? bc i was trying so hard to make you like me. every meme, was a move. you didnt play your cards right!! its like i kept hitting you with plus fours, and then all you’d put down is the same color number card. where was the fun in that? it was super effortless but anxiety filling for me at the same time bc i was convinced that you were the one. :’/ super good news to hear that you wanted to meet virtually literally NO EXPECTATIONS but then monday rolls around, you dont text me the whole day, i check in at 530, you tell me you go to costco instead and want to reschedule bc you thought i was ghosting you????? wtf did u just like expect me to just call u right at 7 and expect u to be ready?? max texted me after work and was like “we still on right?” so i was high key expecting that from you bc 1. show interest and 2. take initiative but you DIDN’T!! so i was honest in telling you how i felt but kept it light and asked to reschedule. you take forever to reply, but when you do you tell me it was silly OF ME to think you were supposed to confirm it which i get i initiated it i shoulda texted you earlier (but what if i had the worst day ever and couldn’t text you??? would you have just let it be and not text me anymore bc you assumed i ghosted you???) you also said that you thought maybe it was too quick to assume that i ghosted you which is YES tru. however i was not going to apologize for not texting you earlier and waiting for you to reply bc boy, that was on you to make a move to double check. if i was in your shoes i woulda texted. that would indicate to me that oh wow this boy is making sure we are meeting and confirming! even drop a hey hows your day you excited for tonight? i made it obvious to hype you up on your photos and everything, you just were like wow your photos are so good! wow i hope you posted that picture! like idk. i kept it light bc i still really wanted to meet you, and just wanted to attribute this small ass thing as a misunderstanding between the two of us but after long hours of making me wait, you decide you don’t want to reschedule because you were unsure of how you were feeling and that you couldn't put your all in and said sorry. no sentiment towards wanting to be friends just a straight goodbye which basically meant, in harsher terms im prolly not as down as you are for me and maybe i am nervous to meet u (idk ill never know if you were) anddd im not interested anymore bc you’re crazy and ME being the womyn that i am ended up being the mature one and said the goodbye hope you have a good life without me text and then our lovestory ended lololol what a great two weeks am i right? honestly maybe you still need to do some growing buddy but relationships are not easy going they are a two way street but also ill never know maybe you were just texting me just to text me and you still wanted to be the nice guy bc you were scared of how invested things would be post call so you call it off and it was just in the moment for you to be down but then have it change on another day.... i woke up in a better headpsace today about how this turned out but like god fucking dammit i had high hopes for you you infj CANCER. *squidward voice* so thanks. thanks for NOTHING (this is when you start your spongebob dialogue of all how to get everyone on board for practicing for the bubble bowl and sing sweet victory)

so, the end LOL basically. to all the boys who will never love me, ultimately thank you for being a part of my life. thank you srsly. thank you for making me exp the pain, the kilig, the uh everything. growing pains these are, but at the end of the day, i hope you have a good life. whether or not we cross paths again this gives me clarity as to what i’m looking for and what i deserve. this goalgetting, resilient, funny, hardworking, awkward but in the best way pinay is a force to be reckoned with!!! she has the best support system out there!!! she has so much to live for because she is determined to not let down anyone counting on her!!!! so fuck u for missing out on that!!!

k. my ideal man list is coming soon. until then... see ya later.

xoxo,

Mika (allison to some)

[rejectedbyeharmony]

The Last Time I Dated A Friend’s Brother

Growing up, I had this best friend named Haley, and I spent a lot of time at her house. Haley, Sarah, and I were like the three amigos. We did everything together. I smoked weed for the first time in a tent in her backyard. She had an older sister who was away at college, and a little brother who always seemed to be around. It was like this kid had no friends, he was always bothering us. He was super annoying, and I vividly remember actually punching him one time because he wouldn’t leave us alone. I heard a few years after high school he had been dating a mutual friend, Amelia, and that they had a baby together. I was happy for them, and that was probably the only time I ever thought about him as an adult.

After my breakup with John, I decided to get on Tinder. I was having a hard time getting over him, and the idea of getting into a new relationship was not even on my radar. Instead, I was pursuing a casual dating situation. This was my first foray with this dating app and I met a few fun guys, and had some good dates, but nothing serious. I was traveling for work one week, and it occurred to me that Tinder matched based on location. So, while I was in North Carolina, I deleted the app to avoid matching with someone great that would be too far away. On the way back, sitting in the back of my coworker’s car while everyone was sleeping, I was bored so I downloaded the app, to check my messages, and started to swipe again as we got closer to home.

I saw a very familiar face, so I swiped right to dig a little deeper. Immediately, I got a match notification. I cracked up when I realized he was Haley‘s little brother, Matt. When we were kids he seemed so much younger than us, but in truth it was only four years age difference. But he had grown up a lot and got pretty cute over the years. He messaged me first, “If you promise not to hit me again, I would love to see you!” I responded with about four lines of HAHAHA, followed by “holy shit, how are you?” We chatted for a couple days and found that we had a lot more in common than we ever knew before. We were quickly bonded, and our conversations turned a little flirty. Eventually, we decided to hang out, and he came to my apartment with his son.

Now, I know that seems weird, and even now writing it if feels weird because… can you imagine meeting somebody’s kid on the first date? But I’ve known this guy like my whole life I just felt like he was a longtime friend introducing me to his kid! We hung out and played cars on my living room floor, while Matt and I caught up. His son was funny, adorable, and bad! Like, Dennis the Menace bad. Matt told me a little bit about his relationship with his ex, Amelia. It sounded a little difficult, but I had no idea how toxic it really was. In the beginning, I didn’t even weigh this into my decision to date Matt.

My bigger concern was Haley. We hadn’t spoken for years. The summer after Senior Year, I got the opportunity to travel abroad with some fellow students. This was a very eye-opening experience, and I was exposed to a lot of things in Europe that I hadn’t encountered in the US. When I got home, I told Haley that I kissed a girl. I hadn’t really worked through my feelings about it, but it wasn’t any kind of declaration of sexual identity… it was just confiding in a friend that I had a new experience. Haley told our friend Sarah that I was a lesbian. Sarah worked with my sister, and told her… and then my sister told my mom. So, here I thought I was just sharing a secret with a friend, and I ended up having to explain to my mom that I wasn’t lesbian. The truth is, I don’t know what I am, even now at almost 36 years old I don’t know. I have never had nor pursued a romantic relationship with a woman, but I’ve definitely been attracted to them. I don’t know if that needs defining either, because I don’t believe that sexuality is binary. Anyway... what I didn’t know, was that she didn’t think that was a big deal. She hadn’t spoken to me because I didn’t invite her to my very small wedding. I barely invited any friends, it was mostly family there. We had approximately 50 guests, there was one friend from high school (who knew my husband well) and a handful of friends from work (who were also friends with Joe). I hadn’t spent any amount of time with Haley since she told my secret.

But, Matt assured me that Haley still loved me and his family would accept me with open arms, and he was totally right. Being with his family again was like being in high school. But I dont want to mislead you, Haley and I didn’t pick up where we left off. She had new best friends, and so did I. But it was still cool, and we were cool. Once I had his family’s blessing, it didn’t take long for us to start dating, and for me to start coparenting his child. His ex-girlfriend, Amelia was a former friend of mine, but now treated me like I was a stranger. I don’t know with what went on in her life in the 10 years since we last hung out, but she was not the most mentally stable person. It affected the kid and deeply affected Matt.

He was very much a pacifist and never stood up for himself in their relationship. His vain attempts at trying to coparent were constantly thwarted by her miserable attitude and unreasonable, aggressive communication style. She had a horrible time keeping a job, and it seemed like our custody schedule would change as frequently as week to week. I encouraged Matt to get an official custody agreement with the courts, but he was honestly afraid of her taking the kid away from him completely, so he would lay down to her demands all the time. It was infinitely frustrating to stand by and watch her make him feel like less of a man. And honestly, sometimes it made me see him as less of a man, too.

I tried to create some stability at home by moving us in together. I bought a house out of necessity, because a 2-or-3 bedroom apartment would cost much more than buying a home in Northern Virginia. Our first couple months in the house were met with tons of problems. We moved in at the end of December. By the time we got everything unpacked and settled, we discovered bed bugs. It was hard to discern whether they had been transferred from the moving van, or the house Matt lived in before, or if they had always been in the house I purchased. Ultimately the source didn’t matter as much as the remediation, so we asked Amelia to help us out and take her son when it wasn’t “her week”. She completely blew the situation out of proportion and called CPS on us for endangering their son, when we were really trying to protect him. We had pets we had to move to his sister’s house, and we slept in her basement while our house was being treated. If you’ve never had bedbugs, let me explain what a complete mindfuck they are. I was not getting bitten, Matt was. Every morning he would wake up with welts all over his body that he couldn’t explain. But we worked different schedules, so we weren’t waking up together to see if we both had welts. He didn’t tell me about them until the third morning, asking if I also was experiencing this. That’s when we discovered the little splatters of blood on our mattress and walls from the bugs after they bit Matt. Even after the bedbug dog sniffed our entire home and the bug company assured us we were safe, we felt like victims in our own home. Every tiny tickle on our skin would send us reeling. It was psychological warfare.

Once we safely moved his son back into the house, I decorated his room first. We painted the walls, we made him a little toy/art workstation, and hung a huge light-up Bumble Bee, his favorite transformer, on the wall above his bed. Matt invited Amelia to come see our house when we were all settled. It wasn’t breaktakingly beautiful, like some of the homes I’ve designed in my career. It’s kind of like the housekeeper who doesn’t clean her own house, our house was cozy and humble. But we were proud of what we built together. This was the one and only time we had a amicable meeting with Amelia, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth. She brought her son to us for our custody week, and walked him inside. We showed her around the main floor, and the kid noticed some candy on the kitchen counter. He asked me for some, and I said no, and he threw himself into a rage fit. He was jumping up and down, stomping his feet, screaming about wanting that candy. I stood back and waited for either Matt or Amelia to react. And they both just stood there staring at him in horror, like most people stare at other people’s kids when they are having a tantrum in public. I got down on one knee, at his eye level, and said “it’s not time for candy bud. It’s time for bed. We can have candy tomorrow. Ok? Now why don’t you go show your mom your new bedroom?”

His tears dried, and his face lit up. He turned, grabbed his mom’s hand and ran toward the stairs. I heard Amelia say, on her way up the stairs “you are so lucky you have three parents.” And I looked at Matt and said “he has one parent. It’s me.”

Now any parents reading this might be pissed at that statement, but trust me when I say, I believed it was true. I was the only one parenting him.  When he was with his mom, there were no rules and no boundaries. And Matt had the typical single dad attitude of never wanting to be the bad guy, so he also had very few rules. But when he was with me, there were rules. We sat at the dinner table to eat. We used our forks and spoons. We didn’t act like a fucking lunatic in public, and we said please and thank you. It was like trying to train a puppy, because he was constantly unlearning these behaviors with his parents. I was the only one who cared about him being a decent human being some day. Fuck me, right?

This is the part where I’m too mad to finish the story today. To be continued. 

[suga-babby]

Desire Pt.7 (p.jimin)

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5 Pt.6

Words:2449

Author’s Notes:Hey loves! I’m so sorry this is so late! But hey it’s here now! Anyways, thank you again for your support! Please go follow my wonderful partner in crime @bamboree! Also if you love this please follow our wattpad account suga-babby. (Warning: there is some strong language and mature themes/suggestions in this chapter. No it’s not smut hahaha)

Summary: Amber has liked Jimin for sometime now. But unfortunately he is dating her best friend. When things start to unfold before her eyes, her life is changed. But is it for the good or the bad?

I woke up on my couch, still wearing the same makeup from the night before. I rolled over and glanced at the clock.

8:00 a.m.

I groaned in disapproval.

My phone buzzing on the coffee table, must've been the reason I woke up. I picked it up and saw Caroline's picture staring at me.

"Hey." I said groggily.

"Good morning! Did you forget that we're leaving at 10?" Caroline laughed into the phone.

"Oh no, I'm already packed so I'm sleeping in a little." I lied. I couldn't help but feel weird, especially about what happened, or what could've happened.

I know she was in the wrong, yet I couldn't manage the reoccurring guilt that resided in my stomach.

"Okay well I'll see you guys then. Bye!"

I walked over to the bathroom and took the remaining makeup off, dreading this entire beach trip.

I finally went through my clothes and threw some outfits together. I picked up my phone and realized I had about ten messages. All from him.

Jimin: Amber, I am so sorry. I just want things to be okay between us.

I slumped on my bed, I didn't know what to think or say. I understood, but can't he be selfish for one minute? I just wanted to tell him about her, about all the lies she's fed him.

I contemplated everything as I scanned over the messages.

Jimin: Did you want it too?

My fingers hovered over the keyboard. What do I say?

I began to type.

Jimin. I always have, I|

Jimin. I always|

Me: Jimin. It was the heat of the moment, don't worry ok?

I quickly sent the message, with utter dismay making itself comfortable in my gut. I exited out of my messaging app, hoping the feeling would subside soon.

As I zipped up my suitcase, someone was knocking on my door.

I sat up quickly, running to the door. I looked through the peep hole seeing Eliza's curls.

I smiled and opened the door, seeing her face smirking at me.

"Girl, you didn't answer any of my texts. I was starting to think something happened!" She said worriedly, storming inside my apartment. I shut the door behind her.

"I'm okay Eliza, really. I just overslept!" I lied through my teeth, hoping she wouldn't pry any further.

"So nothing happened when Jimin came over?" Eliza said sounding unsure.

"We just talked. That's all." I replied. She crossed her arms, and scoffed. "Fine, you don't have to tell me."

"Well there's nothing to tell." I added.

The room fell silent. I averted my eyes from her gaze, and went into my bedroom to grab my suitcase. I didn't really feel like telling Eliza about the almost kiss with Jimin. I avoided the subject because the last thing I wanted was to be reminded of last night. I came out to see her walking toward the couch, her curls bouncing with every step she took.

"Anyways... so are you all set for the beach?" She broke the silence.

"Yeah, let's just put on a movie until Caroline and Jimin get here." I told her.

As the movie began to play, Eliza muted it. "I don't want to watch a movie, I want to know if you're okay."

I sighed,"No I'm not okay, I don't want to be in this situation."

I began again,"I don't want to be number two, you know what I mean? Like he already has her, and I'm just going to be the other girl. It's just not fucking fair." I said angrily.

"But at the same time Amber, it's always been you. They've shared kisses and went on dates sure, but y'all always connected on a deeper level and you two know that." Eliza attempted to reassure me.

She laughed,"And you haven't even been number two because they haven't even had sex. Yet she's willing to cheat on Jimin with Chris. If anything that makes her lower."

I leaned my head on Eliza,"Speaking of which, do you know if he has any sort of social media?" She asked me.

"Why?" I said suspiciously.

"Nothing! I just wanna creep." Eliza smirked.

"Oh yeah his username is chris.m.1994" I said, looking at an old picture of him and Caroline from months ago.

Eliza grabbed her phone, and started typing really fast.

"Why?" I pressed again, becoming more suspicious.

"I may see what he's doing today... I'm that bitch." She laughed loudly.

"Eliza- NO STOP!" I tried snatching the phone from her hand. She got up and ran around my apartment, and I darted after her like a crazy woman.

"What's the harm?" She ran into my room. "I just wanna hang out with him!"

"The worst thing he could say is no! Or 'you're creeping me out and how did you get my username?' But I'm hoping for the best!" She said from the inside of my closet.

"GET OUT I'M NOT PLAYING! GIVE ME THE DAMN PHONE!" I yelled.

"Oh yeah? You and what army?" She said confidently.

We heard a knock on the door, and became silent.

"Eliza delete that message I am begging you." I whisper yelled into the closet crack.

She opened the door to the closet looking satisfied with herself.

"And it's done." She walked out of the bedroom,"I'll get the door... Muahahahaha."

I sat on my bedroom floor dumbfounded.

"Hey Caroline! Girl you look so good." That snake. She knew exactly what she is doing.

I was in such a trance I didn't  even notice Caroline walk into my room.

"Hey what are you doing on the floor?" She asked curiously.

"Oh I was looking for an earring but couldn't find it so I gave up, and here I am now." I said fake smiling.

She laughed, and sat down next to me. " You haven't told Eliza about Chris right? I'm just asking because I don't want things to be more awkward." What did she mean?

"He doesn't even know about Jimin, he just thinks that he's our friend from out of town that comes and stays over sometimes." I wanted to punch her. I hesitated, then laughed nervously. "Oh really? And why would I do that?" I stood up and grabbed my bag.

"You're right, I was just curious." She followed me out of my room. As we made our way into the living room, I heard Jimin's infectious laugh.

We made eye contact and exchanged hellos...like nothing happened. My eyes panned over to Eliza, she was smiling at her phone and it made my heart race. I was scared of what the night might turn into.

"Shall we go?" Jimin asked, smiling and taking the bags from our hands.

We all piled into the car and headed off. Since we live in Oregon, the "beach" is a small lake front campsite. But to us it's a beach.

The car ride was for the most part silent, with the exception of the monotone music. Caroline kept trying to make small talk which didn't last long.

Just then I felt Eliza tap on my shoulder, she gestured for me to take her phone. I rolled my eyes and grabbed it.

I gave her a pained expression. "Just read it." She mouthed to me. I brought my attention back to her phone screen.

It was her Instagram conversation with Chris.

elizugh: hey you probably don't know me... but I'm a really good friend of Caroline's! I wanted to ask you something.

chris.m.1994: oh hey! what's up?

elizugh: nothing much, but you remember Amber right?

chris.m.1994: yeah she's super cool! I've only met her once though, what about her? :)

elizugh: well we thought that it'd be great if you surprised Caroline. We're going on a girls trip and it would be cool if you came! She would freak out :) But please don't tell her, we're trying to surprise her! Also sorry if this is weird we just love our friend!

chris.m.1994: you're fine hahah! I don't think you're weird! Okay for sure, I'll be there. Just send me the address! :)

I could not believe her. This was going to be a very long weekend.

Thirty minutes passed and we pulled up to the cabin. It was so quaint, there was two rooms on the first floor and a loft on the top.

It was now about seven and we were making dinner. Eliza was continuously checking her phone and chopping vegetables. Jimin was grilling the burgers, and Caroline was in their room. I sat there peeling the potatoes, my nerves eating away at me.

Eliza smiled and glanced at the door. I internally screamed as I heard a knock. I felt like I was about to puke.

"I'll get it." Jimin said confused. I watched as he walked over to the door eating a piece of meat. "Hey man, can I help you?"

"Hey you must be Jimin! I'm Chris! Yeah I'm looking for my girlfriend." Chris laughed, I could see that he was wearing cargo shorts, a navy shirt and a white hat. My eyes widened and I turned to Eliza who was trying her best not to burst out laughing.

"Hey! Come on in dude, Eliza is right there." Jimin said inviting him in while pointing at Eliza. Eliza waved subtly, looking back at me.

Like clockwork, Caroline came out from her room. "No that's my girlfriend." He said going over to Caroline, and wrapping his arms around her.

Caroline looked like she was about to pass out. Her eyes trailed up at Jimin, then to Eliza and me.

Jimin laughed, "Man there must be a mistake-This has been my girlfriend for two years?" He said in hysterics.

Chris let go and stepped back to look at Caroline. "Well that's weird because she's been my girlfriend for a year now."

The two boys stared at Caroline, Jimin had an unreadable expression. But at the same time it was like he was okay. "Aren't you going to fucking say something?" Chris yelled at her.

"Wait wait, let's not yell." Jimin sighed, "Caroline? Who is he?" He asked in frustrated tone.

Chris began to speak,"I'm-"

"No, no. Let her answer. Caroline, who is he?" Jimin pressed again, stepping closer to her. She ignored him and plopped onto the love seat.

"Yeah who am I?" Chris intervened.

I was watching Caroline's web unwind. I turned the stove off. Then sat at the table.

After what seemed to be an eternity, Caroline finally spoke.

"How did you even know I was here?" She emotionlessly questioned.

"That doesn't matter right now, don't try and flip this around. Who am I to you?" Chris raised his voice once more.

Jimin crossed his arms and sighed loudly.

"You guys are both my boyfriends, is that what you wanted to hear?" The two boys exchanged glances, and returned their gaze back to her.

Chris laughed,"Are you fucking serious, Caroline?"

"Yeah but its lik-"

Chris instantly interrupted,"No, no you told me that Jimin was a friend that stayed with you sometimes because he lives out of town. You told me that there as nothing to worry about! But clearly you're dating and have been dating for two fucking years!"

Jimin started getting mad I guess because he looked at her and I've never seen him look this way before. He then began to talk. "I know you met him at your training. I knew that you and him were close because you had the same major and you told me that you wanted to get closer to him because he had connections. This is so ridiculous."

"Why did you continue to have sleep with me then Caroline? If you had a boyfriend why would you do that?" Chris fumed.

"Wait a minute... you two slept together?" Jimin rose his voice.

"Jimin I- it's not what you think." Caroline got up from her seat and started approaching Jimin.

"Don't lie to him Caroline! You know it happened, so just tell him!" Chris yelled.

"You told me that you weren't ready. So I waited. Why would you tell me that?" Caroline began sobbing. I felt like shit, not because it's happening but the way it's happening.

"You know I was invited here to surprise you? I had the whole weekend planned, and it was going to be so perfect. Your friend sent me the address so I decided to show up."

Caroline wiped away her tears, and looked up at Eliza and I.

"You guys did this to me on purpose! You can't ever just leave things alone Amber!" She shouted at me.

"Don't fucking get mad at her!" Eliza said. She left the kitchen, and stood in front of Caroline.

"It was me. I sent him here." She confessed.

"Why would you-"

Eliza intervened. "Why would I? I thought we were all friends here? I'm sorry I didn't know the extent of your little relationship!"

Caroline jumped in front of Eliza and yelled, "Yeah but Amber does! She heard me on the phone the night of her birthday! So I know she told you so stop acting like you didn't do this on purpose!"

"You know you shouldn't be getting mad at them. They only did what was right." Chris said calmly.

"How long did you think you could do this Caroline?" Jimin asked looking at her intensely.

"I don't have to stay here and take this. I'm leaving." She snapped and went in the room to collect her stuff. "Don't follow me, I'm going to walk to the office."

The door slammed behind her and the room fell silent.

Jimin ran outside. My heart sank. We opened the door to see him sprinting after her in the driveway.

"Caroline! Stop!"  He yelled.

"I told you not to follow me Jimin." She spat.

"I know, I just wanted to make sure you knew it was over." He smiled and waved at her. Then proceeded back to the house.

When he came inside it was like something was  different. He looked up at me and half smiled, which I understood.

"Well guys, uhh thanks for the closure I guess. I should probably head out. Maybe we can hangout sometime, but in the way future." Chris laughed and waved as he opened the door. As the door slammed once more, we heard his car start and peel out.

I walked over to the couch and sat next to Jimin. "Are you okay?" I asked as I placed my hand in his knee.

"No" he paused, "but I will be." He smiled at me, placing his hand on top of mine.

[bts-dontknowher]

Dangerously - Chapter 1

HAHA I LOVE JIKOOK.

Jungkook x Jimin x Reader

Word Count: 1,784

Genre: Fluff

This is literally a soulmate au and it’s a poly relationship with Jikook. And...it’s...probably shit but I’m into it so.

“Stop looking at me like that”, my best friend grumbled, his eyes still glued to his phone. I didn't realize I was even staring until he pointed it out. He lazily rolled his head around to look at me and I felt flustered, “sorry, it won’t happen again”. He stared back at me until I looked away, making him laugh, “you can sure dish it out”. “Shut up, Jungcook.” I pushed his face away and sighed, getting my phone out. “Are you nervous?” His voice was soft, which is unlike him, so I stared at him again, “nervous for what? This is your day”. He glared at me for a couple seconds then sighed, “I know but this could mean we never see each other again”. “You think that just because you find your girlfriend means that we won’t see each other? As friends?” He shrugged and looked down at his phone, “shit it’s almost my birthday”, he looked at me again, “what if she’s ugly? What if we’ve already met and never knew it was us?” I laughed softly, “what if we’re matched?” He shook his head, “nah, there’s no way. I mean I love you, but I don’t know”. “Aw! I love you, too, Kookie!” I threw myself onto his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tight, “you’re the best”, he cut me off by shoving me away from him and onto the floor, “get off of me, you crazy woman!” I pouted and forced fake tears up into my eyes, “you’re so mean”. He shrugged and helped me back onto the couch, both of us gasping when his phone dinged. He shoved it at me and I looked at it before taking it reluctantly. I opened the text and my eyebrows pulled together, “What does this mean?” “What? What does it say?” I tried to tap something, anything for some type of definition but nothing happened obviously. He tried to snatch the phone back but I shook my head, “it says ‘Jeon Jungkook. Happy Birthday! We’re excited for you to meet your soulmate. Unfortunately, things are a little complicated with this one. Please standby’”. The color left his face and I heard my phone ding seconds later so I grabbed it, gasping as I read the same message but with my name and minus the happy birthday. “Does this mean we got each other?” He shook his head quickly and ran his hands over his face so I held the phones up, a new message coming in to both of our phones at the same time. ‘You are now being transferred to your soulmate.’ Jungkook jumped up and started doing jumping jacks, “WE ARE NOT SOULMATES!!!!!” I smiled at him then went to the chat that was created for the two of us, at the same damn time. Oh, yeah, we’re together—wait a second, Jungkook, look, it’s not just you and I!” I gave him his phone back and he looked so surprised, “what number is this?” I glared at the side of his face, “how in the world should I know?”

Welcome to the chat. Please, use this app to get to know each other, forever is a long time!

Unknown: Uh…hello? Who’s the youngest that finally set this off haha?

Jungkook and I stared at each other until he broke, “is it a boy or a girl? I shrugged and looked back at the message, chewing on my lip, “I don’t know…but does this mean that we are going to be in a…a…” “A giant threesome?! YEAH, I THINK SO.” I gulped and he dropped down, doing pushups. He’s such a weirdo.

Unknown: I’ve been waiting for almost 2 years now, thought I was the only person in the world that didn’t get someone. Unknown: Oh man, but it looks like there are two of you. Y/N: Yeah, it’s two of us… My name is Y/N. Jungkook is the other one. Unknown: Ah, I’m Jimin. It’s nice to meet you. Both of you. Jimin: Wait, there’s another boy? That’s…weird. Do you two know each other? Y/N: We’re best friends, actually, since we were kids.

For clarification in this rare, but not unheard of, situation, you were paired together in a group of three because each of you is perfect for another, but you’re all connected. We are aware that you may not identify as homosexual, but this grouping has a very strong connection. Good luck to all of you.

Jimin: That’s heavy. Jungkook: I don’t like boys. Y/N: You’re so closed minded. Jungkook: I’m going home, I need to think.

I looked up at him and he was putting on his shoes, “I’ll see you later, promise. I just need to think”. I smiled slightly and watched him leave then went upstairs, taking my clothes off and climbing in bed.

Jimin: I wouldn’t say I particularly have feelings for boys either. Y/N: That’s not important. Where do you live? Jimin: Seoul, South Korea. Jungkook: Well, this will never work. You’re too far. Y/N: Jungkook! BE NICE. Jimin: Do you two live in America? Y/N: Yes, California. Jimin: Ah, well, good thing I’m moving there then. Jungkook: Ironic. Jimin: I got a job there, and I’ve always wanted to live in America. Y/N: Your English is really good for someone who has never lived here. Jimin: I learned when I was younger, because I knew I’d want to go there someday. Jimin: I wonder who is specifically destined for who. Y/N: Me, too, honestly. It would be interesting to see that.

We received your concern and the specifics are as follows: Jimin to Y/N, Y/N to Jungkook, Jungkook to Jimin. However, the connection is shared between all of you. It just is weighted differently.

Y/N: We should make our own chat, I hate that they’re watching everything we say. Jimin: It was helpful, though. Jungkook: I don’t like boys! Jimin: Good thing I’m a man then. Y/N: Ah, that was smooth. I’ll make a new chat.

I left the chat made by them and just made a normal one with our numbers.

Y/N: Alright, better. Jungkook: So, you love me, huh? Y/N: I don’t see this happening for us. Jungkook: They said you’re fated to me. You don’t seem repulsed by it. Y/N: Why would I be repulsed? You’re not ugly or disgusting. Y/N: A little creepy, I guess. Jungkook: Don’t push it, babe. Jimin: Speaking of ugly, what do you two look like? Jimin: *picture* this is me.

My mouth dropped open and I just stared at the picture in shock. Oh my… Holy shit, this isn’t real, is it? Boys don’t look like that in real life, do they? He’s fucking hot.

Jungkook: Hm. Jimin: What? Jungkook: You’re hot. Jimin: Oh? I thought you didn’t like boys. Jungkook: I might as well adapt to the idea. Jungkook: This is me. *picture* Jimin: Wow, you’re really… Jungkook: Lay it on me, tell me I’m ugly. Jimin: No! No, you’re anything but ugly, Jungkook. Jungkook: Y/N? Jungkook: Did you sneak off to touch yourself to his picture? Y/N: WHAT?! NO! I was just looking. Jimin: At my picture? I’m nothing special. Y/N: *picture* Jungkook: I took that picture! Jimin: You’re so beautiful. I’m jealous that the two of you know each other already. You’re both attractive, I guess good looking people stick together. Jungkook: Our other friend is hot, too. *picture* Jungkook: I guess if I were going to be gay, he’d take the cake. Jungkook: Or I guess eat the cake. 😉 Jimin: That’s so crazy, holy fuck! Y/N: What?? Jimin: *picture* Jimin: I know Taehyung, too! Jungkook: I knew you looked familiar. Tae talks about you sometimes, but he’s only shown me one picture like years ago, I think it was you. Jimin: That’s insane. We could’ve known each other this whole time. Y/N: You two have fun, I’m going to bed. Jimin: Wait, no. Stay a little longer. Y/N: I’m pretty tired… Y/N: When are you coming here? Jimin: Next Friday. Why? Y/N: We can all hang out, Taehyung, too. Jungkook: Telling him about this is going to be crazy. Jimin: I’m excited to see his reaction, I’m sure he’ll be too excited about it. Y/N: Goodnight, boys. Jimin: Please stay. I have questions. Jungkook: Stay, Y/N. He wants to get to know the person he’s supposed to be in love with. Y/N: Shut up, ass hat. Jungkook: Bitch. Y/N: COCK SUCKER! Jungkook: Haha. Jungkook: HAHAHA. Jungkook: I guess you can start calling me that now, huh? Jimin: Oh my… Jungkook: Oh shit, sorry. I guess we should talk about that stuff before I go throwing sex jokes around. Jimin: Are you virgins? Y/N: No, neither of us are. Jimin: Me either. Jungkook: I’m a virgin at sucking dick, though. Jimin: Oh me, too. Y/N: I’m going to be the one struggling with that, not you two. I have two dicks to take care of. Jimin: Ah, that’s a very appealing thought. Jungkook: Right? I can’t say I haven’t thought about that before. Y/N: Gross. You’re gross. Jungkook: Whatever, you weren’t saying that when we made out that one time. Y/N: You have soft lips. Jungkook: You have a soft neck. Jimin: I’m going to change my move-in date to right now. Y/N: 😊 Don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of time for everything in the future. Now, I really am tired, we can play 20 questions later. Jungkook: She’s so worried about her tastes. Jimin: Tastes? Y/N: Not tonight, Jungkook. Jungkook: She likes it rough—really rough. Jimin: Ah. I’ll have to work on that. Jungkook: Not into it? Jimin: I’ve always wanted to be rougher, but the girls I’ve been with have been so small and fragile and I don’t know, they liked gentle and sweet. Jungkook: Ah, you like small girls? Jimin: Short, yes. I’m short, so it helps when they are, too. But god I would kill for a girl with…substance? Jungkook: Ass and titties? Jimin: That’s one way of putting it. Jungkook: *picture* like these? Y/N: JEON JUNGKOOK! WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THAT?! Jungkook: *picture* or this? Y/N: STOP IT! THAT’S SO WEIRD! WHY DO YOU HAVE PICTURES OF MY ASS ON YOUR PHONE? Jungkook: Because I don’t have a girlfriend? Duh. Y/N: Ew, I could’ve gone my entire life without knowing that. Jimin: Goodnight, guys. Y/N: You can’t just leave after he sent those!!! Jungkook: Let the man get off in peace. Jimin: Yah, sorry. Definitely have something to take care of now.

I plugged my phone in and threw it on the floor, pulling my blankets over my head. DROWN ME. That’s so embarrassing!

I’m uploading so much today oops. I just want to get all of these on here so I know where I’m at lol. Also the chapters will be longer, I swear. <3

-Churro

[illfigureitoutasigoalong]

my flea dream lol

My weird dream

I had a “flea” dream last night lol. Once my sister had a dream that she was a flea and killed mufasa?? And woke up and was terrified but like the content of the dream was not scary. I had one last night which right now is a little scary. OMG so it wasn’t a nightmare because it was scary, but it was intense and my heart was beating fast when I woke up. So it started out really weird and the direct result of me watching too many episodes of breaking polygamy. I was on a date with an FLDS looking woman in a restaurant that looked gross and I would never go there in real life. What’s weird is that I’ve had dreams in this restaurant before? Anyway I was wearing an amazing cute outfit with a blazer at this date and my weird amish looking date looked…. Amish. And the waiter took her order and then looked to me and goes “are you a man or a boy?” And I was immediately offended hahaha I was just like “what??” And the waiter was like “suit jackets are for men.” I immediately left the restaurant and there was no other sight of my weird date. I got in my car (which was my old gold Honda RIP) and who is inside??? MY EX GIRLFRIEND. That’s when this turned into a nightmare tbh. My least favorite version of her was her when we were in the car and she was driving. In my dream though we were not dating we were just friends after dating. But she was acting weird and possessive and stuff like we were still together. She drove us around being literally the most annoying version of herself. She spilled coffee, got us lost, was extra Vegan, and just generally very annoying. She like had this “I know I’m right attitude” that I used to hate or more like “I don’t care if I’m wrong” attitude. Terrible. As we were driving to my dream house I just got more and more miserable.

THEN the number one reason we broke up, she invited herself to a family party that was being thrown at my house. (Also weird thing about my house in this dream is that it was in the field that used to be there before they built a Walmart on winterpok rd. Also all the women in my family were lined up with red Pizza Hut uniforms and name tags and everyone had a fluffy twist out like they had blowdried their hair??? (Probably another side effect of me watching too much breaking polygamy lmao because they all wear their hair the same on there. I remember members of my family there but also members from the country church we used to go to like 15 years ago. Honestly who even knows why they were also there. I was immediately excited to see all of them and forgot to be annoyed at S. I remember singing “10-20-40” to them as I walked by. Literally so weird.)

SO. As we were driving S had stopped at Pizza Hut which was on the corner in the dream and my dream solution was to run home before she could find me, and get into my weird house before she saw me so that one of my family members would intercept her. It semi worked? I snuck into the basement locker room of my house to (take a shower I guess) and I hear her coming in the alternate entrance. (Random memory about this dream, she was dressed like jojo siwa. Which is odd but its also totally how she would have dressed in like, high school. Literally why did I date this woman) And I see her legs under like a weird stall door that leads to the basement locker room and we start having a screaming match about her even being in my house which is when I woke up with my heart beating fast. I’m trying to even remember what I said but I remember a few parts?

S: “I can’t believe you didn’t wait for me!” (I guess to come into my house? What’s weird about this argument is that I felt the same guilty sense of dread that I used to feel when I didn’t feel like hanging out with her. Cool. Love that for me)

Me: “I had a very not good day, which I know isn’t an excuse.” So eloquent of me. Brilliant grammar. I was referring to being called a man on my weird date, for some reason in my dream this really distressed me.

S: “That’s not an excuse!” (She had cut me off as I was saying the last part)

Me: “I JUST said it’s not an excuse and I’m fucking trying to apologize and you won’t let me!”

And that’s when I woke up. I wish I had stayed asleep longer because I was about to yell at her for 1. We aren’t dating anymore and she was no longer entitled to my time and 2. That she was always inviting herself into places that she just didn’t belong or didn’t fit. This would have gotten ugly so you know it’s probably for the best but still. lol.

So what do I do? I get up and read her reddit posts to make sure she’s still completely unrelateable and surprise surprise she is. So I am making it a vow to stop doing that because all it really does is just make me even more flabbergasted about why I even dated her for so long or even dated her at all. I know deep down that my reasoning was “eh, why not? I need girlfriend experience.” Instead of “wow I am actually interested in this person.” So yep. Never doing that again. And I know it’s terrible but I really want to date someone in my race next time. It’s just easier.

Also I have been thinking about downloading a dating app but I only want friends. I don’t feel like dating anyone right now and also I feel like in order to have a good time in a relationship I need to lose like 150 pounds. Anyway I typed this on my work laptop and I hope if someone reads this later they get a big kick out of it. Hahahah

Also! I text MB all day every day because I think we are both lonely. Yesterday on FT she said “I wish you were a man then we could date.” This really freaked me out. At first (like months ago) my brain was like “oh shit are we about to get a crush” but thank GOD I only feel friendship feelings for her. She’s just really young and very white and sometimes those things are glaringly obvious. It just freaked me out because it made me think like “oh should we be dating???” but the ultimate answer is no. not to mention a week or so ago we had a discussion where she thought i was always mad at her for being racist. But i have to call her out sometimes on the ignorant shit she says. Like ordinarily i would just let people get away with it but if we are gonna be as close of friends as we already are then you gotta know when you mess up. Sorry. But you do.

I was able to get a nintendo switch!! I am having a great time. I just wish my sister was able to get one too. I feel like I can’t be properly excited because she’s really bummed about not being able to get one. I am checking the site over and over again to see if I can get one for her. Also she’s bummed about her job role transitioning for the lend position. I would also be very upset but at the same time she should be just a little grateful for still having a job at this point. I would never say that though. And also i’m not in her shoes so I can’t really judge. I would be PISSED if I climbed my way up the ladder just to be stuck doing what I view as “non-degree work.”

This is terrible but finally the tables have turned in my favor? Hear me out ok. For years I’ve struggled with my health and my job. I was diagnosed with diabetes and high BP when I was 19. I graduated without a job, and worked 5 shitty and semi-shitty jobs for the past 5 years. Finally I have a job that I love (hopefully that lasts) that pays me decently, and I can afford my meds on my new insurance, I stay hydrated which makes me feel better and I’ve gotten really used to listening to my body. I also have accepted my health problems and I am really good at keeping a level head about things. Now though, all of the stuff I already went through and I am dealing with accordingly are happening to my sister and she is miserable. She had a shitty job change (it’s only temporary, but she is WALLOWING in it.) and was diagnosed with asthma. The inhaler gives her heart palpitations and she completely freaks out over them. I’m really not trying to be rude but at least you know they are a side effect and her heart isn’t just going crazy for no reason. But she has been in a terrible mood for weeks and every time she takes her inhaler she has like, an episode. First of all, my mom would have never let me get away with this behavior for so long because I’ve always been kind of sullen and panicky. But also I think sometimes my sister just really needs to grow up. Shitty things happen to everyone and you kind of just have to keep going forward.

AND speaking of growing up, we are trying to look at apartments in the same complex because I feel like honestly she will forget about me if we don’t live within walking distance of each other. I don’t know how much she gets paid but it can’t be much more than me. She’s looking at places with one bedroom that are like $1,500 a month.... like that’s the base rent price. She’s not even counting the security deposit and utilities. I tried to explain it to her and she’s like “I’m pretty sure all apartments cost this much around here.” I’m so sorry but no. They don’t. I’m not paying almost 2 grand a month to live where we do. That’s crazy to me. I found a place I like but she doesn’t seem to like it. I may just have to move there and just be sad for a while when she forgets to hang out with me.

Last thing I guess (since I should be working) I want to write a lesbian romance novel! I am in a bit of a book slump so why not write one of my own. Wouldn’t that be amazing if it could be published??? I have no idea how to write a book so honestly it’s a pipe dream but I was really good at writing fanfiction! It’s gotta be similar right?

[purplesurveys]

907

Are you one of those lucky people to own a walk-in closet? lol lucky people. No I don’t have one of those. Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? Well it’s more significant today because we had our virtual graduation this morning... so I’ll go with my graduation sash. Ever since I started university I’ve always wanted to wear my own sash in a physical ceremony so again, it sucks that our batch got affected by the pandemic. Do you use Google? For just about everything, yeah. Would you like to go swimming right now? That would be soooooo so nice. I’ve been going through old vacation photos and I really miss the beach. Can you play electric guitar? Nope.

Do you have an HDTV? My parents do. When was the last time you drank something through a straw? Around a month ago when my dad bought milk teas for me and my sister. Have you ever tried to teach yourself a different language? I didn’t teach myself per se, but I have tried my hand learning Spanish on Duolingo several times. It always comes in phases – I get passionate about learning and use the app for weeks, then it kinda burns out after a while. Right now I haven’t used it since I got sick in May. How long was your last phone call? A little longer than an hour, I think. It was pure silence though; we just wanted to hear each other’s surroundings. Do you need to repaint your nails? No, I never get it painted. Has there ever been a horoscope that came true for you? Psh. Are you a fan of industrial metal? Holy shit I feel so stupid right now. I thought this was referring to a literal kind of metal and I thought, that is such an odd thing to be a fan of...Google quickly taught me that it is in fact NOT a material for building infrastructure jdsskfjskf. Anyway, no I am not a fan. Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Yeah, occasionally. I don’t like how one piece loses flavor all too quickly so I go ahead and pop two in. Do you have a wall calendar? Not since 2008. We only had a wall calendar in our old house; when we moved here we started to rely on digital clocks and our phones to tell the time. Have you ever taken the pictures from a calendar and used them as posters? I haven’t had a calendar like that, so no. I’ve done this with magazines though. Can you handle the cold? Hahaha no, I can’t. I was already in so much pain in 20ºC weather in Sagada, and I fared much worse in 12ºC Japan weather. I would still pick living in a colder climate in a heartbeat over a tropical one, though. Have you ever been to Canada? Nope.  Do you believe in superstitions? Just one superstition involving my university that doubles as an inside joke, so it’s not like I take it 100% seriously. It’s a generations-old joke that’s impossible to ignore if you’re a student, so I just jumped in. When was the last time you took a taxi somewhere? It was from the airport to back home, but I forgot where we landed from. Bohol I think? Palawan? I don’t even know anymore. It was so inconvenient I begged my dad that we stop using taxis as transportation for our future trips. Would you ever join the army, airforce or navy? No. How old is the person you last kissed? 22. Is there a friend that you can always rely on to get you out of a jam? I don’t think so. When it comes down to it they all have their own different things going on and I can’t just call them whenever and expect them to come to me, and that’s okay. Generally though, I think my most reliable friends are probably Andrew and Angela. What was the most embarassing thing you've had to buy? I’ve never felt embarrassed by anything I had to buy, but it can get a little uncomfortable trying to buy napkins when my dress or pants are already soaked. I get over it quickly though, since menstruations are normal lol. Have you ever tried to balance the light switch between off and on? When I was a kid. I haven’t tried it in a while. Do you believe in ghosts / supernatural occurences? They’re fun to think about, sure, and I do enjoy watching the supernatural episodes of Buzzfeed Unsolved where they go ghost-hunting. I like to think that they somehow exist, but I still also very much maintain my skepticism at all times. Have you ever mistaken a person's gender? I’ve used the wrong pronouns accidentally but I always correct myself and apologize once I’ve noticed my blunder. What was the most expensive thing you've broken? My old iPhones. I’ve also sported a few dents on my car, but I wouldn’t say I broke the car. Has anyone texted you yet today? Not text, but online chat. We had our virtual graduation this morning so my inbox was swamped with congratulatory messages and such. Did you stay calm during the whole swine flu scare? I did, but I mean I was 11 and had no clue how serious it was supposed to be. I remember cheering when they suspended classes for a week because of a local swine flu case, so yep – still ignorant back then. Is there a light on in the room you're currently in? There is, but it isn’t turned on. Are your feet touching the floor? Nope, they’re on the bed. Have you ever been in a car accident? Mild ones, nothing too life-threatening. Do you usually make back-up plans? Yeah man I’m so anxious I always have at least plans A-C lined up in my head and ready to go whenever necessary. Can you focus well in high-stress situations? Usually. Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? I do. I get compliments on it all the time too. I didn’t realize it was apparently a nice feature to have until more and more people pointed it out haha. Is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger? Yeah I have a playlist that’s lined up with all of my favorite loud, angry punk rock music specifically for when I’m pissed off. Are you one of those people who keep their feelings bottled up? I can, particularly whenever I feel like it’s not worth it to blow up. Is one of your friends extremely odd but you love them regardless? Not really. Aya’s pretty weird but I wouldn’t call her extremely odd. Is there anyone you dread going into public with? My mom when she’s mad. Are you a victim of writing run-on sentences? For the most part, I wouldn’t say so. If I write a run-on sentence it’s almost always in an informal setting where I’m more loose with punctuation, like if I’m chatting on IM or writing an answer on here. Still, I try to avoid them and I never do it in a formal situation. Graffiti: an art or an act of vandalism? They can be both. Some people who genuinely just want to fuck around vandalize, like how I’ve seen “Mark <3 Erica” in spray paint on public walls or some similar shit lol. But a lot of graffiti are art as well; many have important messages or symbolisms to say. Do you buy things online? I’ve done it a few times. Not regularly. I like being able to see and touch something before buying it. Are you easily frightened? I definitely am but at the same time I’m really into horror movies and serial killers and a ghost-hunting series? Hahaha it’s weird. I guess I enjoy the thrill that comes with having those interests. Do you have a favorite model? Over the years I’ve loved Elizabeth Jane Bishop, Kiko Mizuhara, Taylor Marie Hill, Gigi Hadid, Bella Hadid, and (controversial pick!) Kendall Jenner. Have you ever watched Titanic? So many times. Honestly, one of my favorites. What's your current facebook display picture of? It’s my official graduation photo wearing my graduation sash! :) I finally changed it last Friday after I got the email saying I’m on the list of graduates. How about your IM display picture? My main IM is my Messenger, which also uses my Facebook photo. Is there anyone whose hair you envy? Gabie’s for one. Hers is really smooth and silky and wavy. Would you act in a movie if it offered a role? If I was going to be a mostly unseen extra in a blockbuster film and still be paid like $600 for it, then I don’t see why I wouldn’t take it. Does speaking in front of people make you nervous? Only if there’s going to be an unscripted aspect to it that’ll make me have to come up with answers on the spot, like miting de avances or thesis defense. If I have a script or even just a general gist of what I want to say, I have no problem improvising and speaking in front of a crowd. Can you read in a moving vehicle or does it make you sick? It makes me sick but it hasn’t stopped me before. Have you ever dated someone who was extremely shy? I’m the extremely shy person... Or have you dated someone who took things too fast? I felt that way with Gab at first when she wanted to have sex like two months after we started dating, though I was scared mainly because it was going to be my first time and I wanted to make sure I was comfortable. Now that I’m a little older, two months seems like a healthy amount of time. Does the idea of driving 220 mph sound exciting to you? Sounds terrifying. It could be fun, but only if we’re in the middle of nowhere where there’s loads of space to go that fast and no chance of crashing. Everyone has a weakness, what's yours? Food. Do you or anyone you know have an account on Deviantart? I had classmates in high school who had accounts but I’m not sure if they still have it, or if Deviantart is even still as active as I knew it to be. Thoughts on the Dunkin Donut commercial that says "America runs on Dunkin'"?  It’s a creative slogan but if I was American I wouldn’t want a doughnut place claiming to represent my country. It cute though. Do you bother buying movies on DVD anymore or do you just download them? I watch them on Netflix, which is still technically like buying them since we pay for the subscription anyway. Do you listen to Daughtry? No. Do you get your eyebrows waxed? I don’t. Waxing looks so painful to me. How do you take your coffee? Lots of creamer or milk, a little sugar. I like trying out different coffees, but when I’m simply relaxing I do want my coffee as least bitter as possible.  If you have a dog, what breed is it? I have an aspin mix, though we never figured out what Kimi’s other half is. And I also have a beagle. Have you found someone who makes you unconditionally happy? I don’t know if 'unconditionally’ is possible but yes, I do have people who make me very happy. Do you have a friend who always seems to be dying their hair? Not anymore. Jo used to dye her hair like every month though and she must have been able to go through the entire rainbow. She looked sooo good in each of the colors. Would you swap names with a friend? I love all their names but I don’t see why that would be necessary. Do you plan on going to university? I did. I graduated today. Guys who wear muscle shirts, yes or no? Idk man, they can wear whatever they want. Are you a fan of Carrie Underwood? No. I liked some of her singles when I was younger, but I’m not a fan in that I have her albums and know her lesser-known songs. Do you make playlists on iTunes? I used to, when I still used iTunes. I make playlists on Spotify now. Have you ever forgotten someone's birthday? I don’t think so. Are you scared of being left behind? Yessir. I’m super competitive, so I hate the feeling. Do you remember your last dream? No. I’m really bad at remembering them unless they’re nightmares or insanely strange. I do know that I dreamt while we were watching mass earlier on the television though, hahaha. Do you know someone who is an obsessed Star Wars fan? So many people in my circle are. Is politics something you don't care about? No. If there’s anything I give tons of fucks about, it’s that. What's a movie/tvshow/book/series that is way overrated? I’ll go with the first things I thought of...in that order: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before; Stranger Things (it’s good, but not as good as people hyped it to be); I don’t really read anymore; and what do you mean by series? Just realized I only gave 2 out of 4 answers lol oh well. Do you think Barbie presents an unhealthy image to young girls? I don’t like how its physical features are still unrealistic; but I appreciate their attempts at diversity. I can’t say it was upsetting seeing a Filipino-themed Barbie :) Is there a pet that you desperately want? All I ever wanted were dogs, and now I’ve got two of them. Would you ever get your bellybutton pierced? Nope. Are you musically talented? Hahahahaha Have you ever shot a gun? Not a real one, so no. Athenna’s dad had this practice gun he used for target practice (duh) and I messed with that a few times. Do you have a friend that always changes their mind last second? That’s Gabie. She’s lucky she’s my girlfriend and that I love her, because it’s actually a big pet peeve of mine. Are you not afraid to voice your opinion? Yup. The only time I don’t say it out loud is if it’s unnecessary and if it’s going to be simply disrespectful. An example would be when my uncle offered to make me a carrot cake for my grad gift, and I just said yes because it was already generous enough for him to offer me a free cake when he runs a food business. In reality it’s not my favorite cake at all; it wouldn’t even be in my top 20. Are you one of those people who are always pushing their limits? Yes, I definitely overwork myself to the point of exhaustion and burnout. But I honestly prefer doing things and being busy than sitting around. Is there a word that you will always find humorous? Bubbling. Because Drake and Josh.

Do you frown upon immature people? Typically. Have you ever slipped on ice and hurt yourself? This may have happened to me once or twice when I was still regularly visiting the ice skating rink at the mall. People were always super nice and helped me get up, though. Do you try to have an intimidating impression? I don’t try. Apparently it’s naturally the vibe I give off. Living in the big city or chilling in the country? BIG CITY. Always the big city. I’ve gone to the country/province so many times; I already know what it’s like there. I’ll always prefer a noisy city. No one seems to obey the legal drinking age, do they? Hahahaha a lot seem not to. I know so many high school kids who’ve had a drink before turning 18. Do you like your country's flag? Sure. I like that we can switch up the colors depending on if we’re at war or not. Have you ever made a totally amazing snow fort? I’ve never even seen snow before. Do you use Bounty Paper Towels? No. Are you the one usually behind the camera or the one in the picture? BEHIND If you get married, will you have a traditional wedding? Traditional, yes. Religious, no. Do you feel you’re slowly losing one of your friends? No. But now that I’m no longer in school, I really hope I’ll continue to be friends with my orgmates. I’ll certainly keep in touch as much as I can. If you draw, what's one thing you always have trouble with? Everything about it. Is there someone you know moving away any time soon? No. I do know my friend’s sister had already moved and started her new job in California, but when the pandemic started she had to go back here. This virus is just ruining so many great things for everyone, man... Allergic to anything? Nope. How many cars have you owned? Zero. I drive one; can’t say I own it because my parents bought it. What are you going to do after this? Maybe take another survey.

[itsyoungjaeee-blog]

Romantic life during college

Two months ago, I graduated from the University of Hawaii at Manoa. During the course of the five years that I spent in that school, I encountered numerous romantic interests - some successful... and some not so successful... With that said, this will be a long post. So please bear with me.

Girlfriend | Well this relationship carried from when I was in high school. This person would end up being my first, last, and (probably the) only girlfriend in my life. During high school, I was confused. I knew I was attracted to guys, but I wasn't sure about girls. Furthermore, I didn't know what love was and what it meant to be in a romantic relationship. I was always good friends with this girl; we had the same hobbies and our interests lined up. We also saw each other outside our club, which made us closer. This closeness led me to believe that she and I should start dating. Thinking back, I think she asked me out two days after Valentine's day through text. LOL. I said yes and I started my first official relationship of my life. The next two years would bring numerous good memories and a handful of frustrating ones. I ended up moving away to a different island for college and she stayed back, and so we decided to do long distance. To be honest, long distance wasn't that bad. I had a lot of fun during my first year of college. Maybe that’s why as time went on, I started to lose feelings for her. Throughout the two years we dated, we never kissed - not even on the cheek. Did I truly love her? Yes... in a platonic type of way, but romantically? No.... I would not learn this very important fact until much much much later, and maybe that’s why we ended up dating longer than most people expected.  I felt guilty that I continued this relationship, and so during the summer after my first year of college, I broke up with her. After we broke up we promised that we would keep in contact and stay as friends. We told each other that if we truly were meant to be with each other, we’d end up together in the future again. I am confident that will never happen. I try my best to avoid her to this day. Seeing her again only reminds me of the days that I felt confused in my life and guilty for dating her. Looking back, I did learn something very important from this relationship - I’m not interested in girls. My mom would be sad to hear about this, but it’s not something I had a choice in. I was born this way, and that’s simply it. 

Lesson: I’m not interested in girls. 

Baritone | Baritone guy was a guy that played baritone in my section when I was a sophomore in college. He was white.. and cute.. and obviously gay. HAHAHA To be honest, we weren’t really that close.. until this one night. Our section had a drinking party at a hotel room after a football game. Everyone got really drunk and everyone mostly passed out sometime around 3 or 4 am. I was also intoxicated, but I was still awake at this time. Baritone guy was also awake at this time and we continued to drink together in the living room in our suite with some other people. He was also drunk (I think). His face was red and he was smiling. We were having a nice conversation and all of a sudden he leans over and he kissed me! In the middle of the room of passed out drunk people, he fucking kisses me!!! I was shocked, but at that moment, his lips felt so nice and warm and then I felt the tongue. I was like WHOAAAAA is this really happening?? I was drunk.. but I was conscious enough to realize what was happening. Well at that time, I was young, single, and drunk... and so why would I refuse to make out with someone. And so we continued to make out for the next couple minutes. After we stopped kissing, I remembered he had a boyfriend. HE HAD A FUCKING BOYFRIEND. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. I was pissed. I never wanted to be home-wrecker. And so I got up and walked away from the guy. Later, I would return to the living room to sleep on the floor. The room got really cold and I started to uncontrollably shiver for the next couple minutes. Then all of a sudden, I felt a hand start to rub my back to warm me up. Guess who it was was... it was baritone guy T_T It was really nice of him to do that, but still though... he really took care of me that night and that was my downfall. We ended up going back to the other room to sleep because the room was too cold to sleep without a blanket. In the other room, we got a pillow and shared it. We more or less cuddled to sleep that night. In the morning, one of the older people caught us sleeping together and decided to take a picture. I got worried. At this point in time, my section didn't know my sexual orientation. Baritone guy, however, calmed me down and promised to talk to the guy that took the picture and convince him to not show it to anyone. Later that week, he eventually accomplished this goal, which made me relieved. The coming week after this event became... hmm awkward. We would continuously text each other for the next week or so. He’d also flirt here and there.. and yeah. His kind gestures, actions, and flirtations got to me. I genuinely started to like him, even though I knew I shouldn't. In the coming weeks, I confront him again about his behavior and his boyfriend situation. It was then that I heard the very thing I knew from the beginning - he still loves his boyfriend. After this whole thing, I told myself to never talk to him. It was quite difficult to do that because I saw the guy 3-4 times a week... Getting over him was tougher than I expected. Here I am, still young and just got out of a relationship, and I finally found someone that was interested in me that I really liked... and yeah I was heartbroken. There were many times that I secretly wanted him to break up with his boyfriend so he could come back to me, but it never happened. I eventually moved on. He texted me one day the summer after this to see how I was doing. I didn't reply.. because by then I’d would have a different guy that I was dealing with. #swerve 

Lesson: Guys can be douchebags.

Aiden | Have you ever watched those cute, dramatic Korean dramas where the main couple would fall in love under weird circumstances, have many cute-to-die-for moments and have obstacles in their relationships that they faced? Well, this was that type of relationship. In the summer between my sophomore and junior year, I studied abroad in South Korea at Yonsei University. I went to that country to sightsee and improve my Korean - basically live and enjoy life. It was an amazing time in my life, but not every day was a good one. On one day, I was having a rough day because the group of friends that I thought were my friends. Because I was bummed, I stayed home that night. I downloaded this gay app called Jack-d just to see what happens. Well, I ultimately ended up talking to this Korean guy named Aiden. At that time, my Korean wasn't that good, but he was able to understand my messages and he replied to them. He asked me why I wasn't out playing because it was a Saturday night. I told him that I wasn’t having a good day because of the friend thing. I didn't really expect him to do anything, but he was like, do you want to go out for some fresh air? It was sketch.. but I was like YOLO and I agreed to meet him. He ended up driving his dad’s van and he picked me up from the Yonsei dorms. It was an interesting encounter. My Korean wasn't good then and his English wasn't good at all. How did we become friends? I don't know. HAHAHA but he took me to the top of a mountain where it overlooked the beautiful city of Seoul (Lowkey, kind of romantic). We talked a lot that night and I had fun. We also agreed to meet each other more in the future, and we did. Our second “date” was at the movies. We were supposed to watch this English movie, but it wasn’t playing that night, and so we ended up watching this Korean comedic movie about an entertainment troupe that fought bad guys during the Joseon dynasty. We had dinner after the movie, but then we realized that we missed the last subway to Sinchon. So he took me to his house, got his car and drove me home. It was pretty sweet of him to do that... hahaha Our third date was just dinner. Like myself, he was a college student and he worked at a gas station part-time. He worked til midnight and so we decided to go for late dinner and drinks. Well, we got a bit drunk and as a result, we got really close to each other that night hahaha I remember that night was raining. I didn't bring my umbrella, but he did, and so we shared one. We were so close to one another that I probably could’ve kissed him easily (but I didn't).  The last time I met him that summer was my very last night in Korea. He really wanted to see me before I leave, and so he took his car and showed up in front of my hostel at midnight. We were just talking in that car about how it was so nice that we met each other. He was sad. Somewhere along that way he kissed me. I was very surprised. After he did that I backed off and I started laughing, and so did he.  The entire time, I was under the impression that we were just friends (because if he was interested, he would’ve made a move much sooner). Well, he WAS interested in me... but it was my last night. The rest of the night, we talked... kissed some more and did some other stuff ㅋㅋㅋ and it was fun. If I only knew much sooner... 진짜 이쉽다. But we had to part ways because I had to catch an early flight in the morning the next day. And so we said our goodbye’s. After I left the country, we stayed in contact here and there. Looking back, have I stayed there longer, I would’ve ended up dating him, but it’s okay. I saw him again during the times I went back to Korea. By then, times have changed and I didn't feel the same way I used to. So now, it’s just one nice happy memory. #summerfling 

Lesson: If you are interested in someone, make it known early. If not, you might regret it later on. 

John | In my junior year, my friends and I decided to room together in the Hale Wainani towers. Often, my roommates played video games in our living room during Friday nights. I wasn’t really interested. So one night, I decided to go on Jack-d and see if any cute guys were on. I ended up talking to this local Korean guy. He wasn’t bad looking and we started talking in Korean (which really struck my interest). I wasn’t doing much that night and neither did he, and so we ended up deciding to meet each other that night. He lived close to the university and so we met in front of fed-ex. Again it was sketch... but I was bored and YOLO. We saw each other and we just started walking and talking. We ended up at the Ala Wai Park and we sat on a bench and we just talked. Until the sun came up. It was amazing. I was really surprised. We didn't really have much in common, but we ended up continuously talking for 6+ hours... After the sun came up, we decided to part ways and go back to sleep. At this point, I didn't really think we would see each other again, but to my surprise, we did. We ended up meeting at night the following week to talk for the entire night again. It wasn’t our intention to... but it just ended up that way. At that point, i was really interested in him and I thought he was interested in me too. We even went on a date. We had Korean food and froyo. It was really cute HAAHAH We ended up not getting together at the end though... He was unsure because of the return of his ex-boyfriend to his life and I told him I’d wait.. well he never got back to me about that... and I found someone else HAHAHA #whoops?

Lesson: Don’t get your hopes up. Just because the relationship starts well, doesn’t mean it will end well. 

ZH | Where do I even begin with this one? Haha everytime I think about him, it only brings back really good memories. Good good good memories :) You see, he was my first love (so as Mary says). It was an unrequited love, but it’s still love, you know? I started to like him when I noticed his change in attitude towards me when I came back from Korea in the summer. I’ve known this guy for two years and he was really cute... and he had the nicest smile (nice smiles =  key to my heart), and he was squishy to the point where I always wanted to hug him. LOL. He was also exceptionally smart, had a good sense of humor, and was nice and kind - basically the perfect guy! In my third season of marching band, we got close; we started to talk more in and outside of practice, he always offered to give me rides to things, we joked around, and all that good stuff. Our section always hung out after games, and I remember only going to those outings if he went. And when I did go, I’d always make sure to ask him for a ride because it meant that I could talk to him and spend more time with him. We certainly got close over that. This cute puppy dog love/ crush grew into something much more bigger than I expected. Thinking back, he was basically my dream guy. Thinking of him only gave me good thoughts, and as a result, I fell for him hard. Really really really fucking hard. If I knew this, shouldn’t have I did something to let him know that I was interested? Well no... There was just one problem- he was straight. Well.... everyone thought he was. I, being infatuated with this guy, was in denial. Because of this, I always kept my hopes up and I messaged this guy frequently. I even asked him out on a date (well I thought of it as a date, but he probably didn't think it was) and I even gave him a Christmas gift that year because I knew what kind of things he liked. I was in love with the guy and this continued for two years. It was tough; he was straight, and so that meant that he was basically unreachable... Eventually, I slapped myself the cold hard truth and forced myself to stop talking to him so I could move on. It was hard... I saw him soooo often that every time he did someone cute, the feelings would come back. After he graduated from the university, he ended up getting a good job on the mainland. I got a chance to see him recently and I’m genuinely happy to know he’s doing quite well for himself. He even treated me to dinner! Thinking about him and my past love for him always makes me smile. Do I regret not confessing my love for him? Nah, it’s better this way. I don't want anything awkward between us. Will I ever confess in the future? Maybe when I’m drunk. If he ever admits that he liked me back, I’d be so heartbroken.

Lesson: Don’t fall in love with straight guys; you’ll only get disappointed in the end. 

Maggot | My sister made this name for him, not me. HAHA Basically during my winter break in 2015, I took my sister to Korea for the first time and we were able to travel in Busan for the new years holiday. NOTE: I never come to Korea with the intention to find a guy, but for some strange reason, I just end up finding these guys (and never in Hawaii ㅠㅠ)  hahahah I met maggot on Jack-d and we had a good conversation about food (because that’s what his pictures on this profile mostly consisted of). We ended up talking for all the days that I was in Busan. Turns out, he is not from Busan and he actually works in Seoul. It worked out for us because I had to return to Seoul anyway and we both agreed to find a time to meet up for a meal before I left. So we continued to talk until then and sometimes even on the phone. He’d always compliment me on how nice my voice sounded (which was low-key kind of weird). So we met up near his workplace because we were supposed to get lunch together. When I saw him for the first time, he was short. Like more than half a foot shorter than me. Normally, I’m not conscious about my height, but he was short. LOL Well basically during that first hour, he gave me a tour of his workplace and even introduced me to his coworkers and boss (which was weird... again). But finally, he managed to escape work for lunch and we left his workplace. Both of us weren’t really hungry and so instead he suggested for us to go to a 노래방 to sing. That guy was sly because he obviously wanted to hear me sing (I can’t sing to save my life) so he could hear my “sexy” voice ㅠㅠ Well I tried (and failed) and he sang quite well :) That’s probably one of the reasons why I was interested in him. But we continued to talk and we met up a couple more times afterward. My sister even met him, and he slept over at our Airbnb one night. I still remember when we were shopping in Myeongdong and he couldn't keep his hands off of me. And that I bought shoes with shorter soles to wear so I don't feel like I am much taller than him. HAHAHA Towards the end, he was supposed to go back to his hometown in Daegu, and my dumb butt tagged along. There, he showed me his favorite restaurants and I even met his family. I fucking YOLO’ed so hard then. On the way there, I hid in the bathroom on the train and then lied to the train guard about missing my destination on my ticket so I could pay less for the fare. It was an adventure x 100. I eventually went back to Hawaii and as soon as I left, he stopped all forms of communication. I was sad... :( but life moved on, and another guy would later enter my life that following week. #sorrynotsorry

Lesson: Be adventurous and spontaneous. You never know where life takes you sometimes. You might even end up in Daegu. LOL

Cute guy | During this time, I was really sad. Maggot stopped talking to me and so I had to find a way to forget about him. I ended up on that app again (I don’t even know why ㅠㅠ)  and I started talking to this cute Korean guy. We talked entirely in Korean for the next several days, and it turns out that he was staying at my university and he wanted to take me out to dinner. I didn't think much about it because I was still kinda sad about the maggot thing. Originally, I didn't want to meet him because I had enough of guys (especially Koreans). I told my friend Mary about this and she convinced me to go. She told me to go for the free meal (HAHAHAHA). So I did. I met him to redeem my free meal. HAHAHA and he was surprisingly really cute in person and not all douche-baggy like most Korean guys. Even though we only talked in Korean in the text message, he was fluent in English and so we talked in English. He was really cool and chill. We were able to have intellectual conversations and such. I had a really great time. We ended up at a gay bar later that night. Actually, I had a previous commitment for a karaoke thing with my friends, and he walked with me to Waikiki from the university and he waited two hours for me to be finished with my friends. After karaoke, I went to the gay bar with him. We drank a lot and we got drunk and he made the moves HAHAH We were really intoxicated and so we took a taxi back to the university where we continued to hang out in front of Kennedy Theater. I woke up the next day with a bad hangover and I was fairly sure that he wouldn't talk to me after what happened the night before. To my surprise, he messaged me first the next day and we continued to talk. We ended up going on a hike a couple days later.  He even visited my dorms and met my roommates and friends. When he had to leave Hawaii to go back to Korea, he booked a hotel room near the airport because his flight was early the next day. He told me to come spend his last night in Hawaii with him and I did just that. We had dinner, watched a movie, and I slept that night in his hotel. I woke up early the next morning to say goodbye to him at the airport. We said goodbyes and I was very sure that he would stop talking to me after he left Hawaii like Maggot. Once again, he shocked me. He sent me a message as soon as he arrived in Hong Kong and Seoul. We would continue talking to each other for the next three months because I was under the impression that we were in a “썸” relationship. Turns out I was wrong. We had a conversation about our relationship and he told me he has no intentions of being in a relationship. I was really angry because I felt like I’ve been led on. So I stopped talking to him. By then, he changed the course of my life. I told him I planned on returning to Korea to study abroad later that year for the fall semester. I wanted to be outside of Seoul in Gwangju.... but he convinced me to stay in Seoul because “it would be too far for him to see me.” I, thinking we were in this 썸relationship, listened to him and I applied to Sogang University instead of a school in Gwangju. Well.. despite the outcome of our relationship, this was a blessing in disguise, because I had the time of my life in Sogang. Eventually, I would end up meeting my first boyfriend in Seoul... so it was a good decision at the end. After not talking to the cute guy for the next several months, he contacted me while I was in Seoul. I was suuuuper hesitant to meet him, but I did because he was very persistent in seeing me. We met up and we had a good conversation. We met a few more times while I was there and we continued keeping in contact with each other. To this day we still continue to talk and through my up and downs in my relationship and last semester of college, he was there to support me. He was also my proofreader for my Korean essays :P I am very thankful to have an amazing friend like him in my life, and I can’t wait to catch up when I move to Korea later this month. 

Lesson: You really don't know where life would take you sometimes. So get rid of your expectations and just go with the flow. 

Yonsei | So when I got to Korea in the summer before my semester in Sogang, I ended up matching with two guys on Tinder. One would end up being the guy that could’ve been and the other one ended up being my very first boyfriend. Yonsei guy was the one that could’ve been. He was Korean-American and he was studying abroad in Yonsei for the summer. He was pretty nerdy and dorky, to be honest. I thought I wouldn’t like him, but he was really funny and it was so easy to talk to him in person. He was one of the very first guys that I matched with on Tinder when I got to Korea, but we actually never met in person until a month later. We met up for dinner and 노래방, and we had a good time. He also told me that he was in an on-and-off long-distance relationship and he wasnt really sure if he and his boyfriend were still together. So I was under the assumption that we were just friends in the beginning. Well, that changed when I took him clubbing; I took him to one in Hongdae and a gay one in Itaewon. He’s quite stiff and so I nagged him to go with me at least once before he left (he’s from Georgia). So we went clubbing in Hongdae first and that was quite fun. Nothing much happened. I danced, and he tried too. HAHAHA it was entertaining to see him have fun and at the end of the night, we ended up walking back to Sinchon together from Hongdae. From Sinchon, I had to take a bus to my hostel and so he waited with me at the bus stop. There was some tension that I felt then. It felt like he wanted to hold my hand or put his arms around me, but he didn't. Low key, I wanted him to, but since he didn't, I brushed it off. I went home that night and so did he. The next day, I jokingly suggested going to a gay club in Itaewon. To my surprise, he agreed and we met up that night again to go to a gay club. Going to a gay club in Korea alone was a life-changing event for me (I’m serious). I’ve never been in a room full of guys like myself and that no one will judge me. Thank goodness Yonsei guy was with me because I didn't think I would’ve had the balls to go up to any guy there and start dancing with him. So I ended up just dancing with Yonsei guy and both of us made sure we had enough soju to drink before going in. Well, we grinded the whole night. HAHAHAHA I was attracted to him (even when I was sober) and myself on alcohol let loose and I kissed the guy. That basically set the mood for the entire night. We had a really good time that night.  After this weekend of dancing, I made sure to see him again for dinner before he left. We said our goodbyes and I thought that would be it. Well jokes on me. He ended up taking a long subway ride to my hostel the night before he left Korea (doesn't this seem a bit familiar *cough* Aiden *cough*). We drank that night in front of the convenience store near my place and we talked about how much fun we had together. My drunk butt wanted him to stay with me the entire night and so we sleep together in my room that night. The next day, we said our final goodbyes and that was it. I didn't want to pursue anything because he still had to take care of his on-and-off long-distance relationship back home and he was going back to Georgia and I was going to be in Korea for the next six months, and then in Hawaii after. Logistically, our relationship wouldn’t have worked out. When he went back to Georgia, we continued to snapchat each other. We still continue to talk to this day and I hope to see him again in the future as friends. 

Lesson: Timing. Timing. Timing. Timing. Timing. It’s all about having good timing when you want to be in a good relationship.

Boyfriend | This guy changed my life. His impact in my life is so big that I can’t even begin to describe our relationship. From the very first moment when we matched on Tinder, to our awkward first movie date, to crying to one another on a bench in Yonsei, to the many subway rides to city hall to meet him after his classes, to when he made it official on top of namsan tower, to our 100th day date, to all the delicious food we ate together, to the many bus rides to Ilsan to see him, to all the arguments we had, to the time when I had to take to him the hospital, to the day he told me he passed his military exams, to our pocky day date, to all the cafe shops we visited, to all the time he sang me a song with his amaaaazing voice, to that time when we made couple rings, so the time when he kissed me unexpectedly in the streets of Hongdae, to the many times when he led me to the stairwell just so he can hold my hand, to the many times he sneaked a kiss in the elevator, to the subway ride where I cried because of him, to that time when he gave a surprise visit to my dorm to give me medicine that one week I was really sick, to that last week before I left Korea when we woke up early in the morning to have breakfast and lunch with each other, to the last hug and kiss I got from him before boarding my plane back to Hawaii, to all my 3 am and 4 am phone calls to him, to all those good morning kakao messages, to all those times he was there for me when I didn't have a good day, and to that one night when he broke up with me... and to that day when I got his very first message after he left for the military, to these days when we are just friends... I don't regret anything. I sincerely don’t. It was an amazing time in my life. It wasn't the smoothest relationship, but that is what made it a rewarding experience. We had so many obstacles in our relationship and we (almost) overcame all of them. We were each others first boyfriends; it was special. I will never forget this guy. He will always be my first boyfriend and no one can ever take that away from him. I will probably compare all the guys I meet in the future to him (which is unfair to all the guys because he’s quite difficult to match up to ㅎㅎㅎ). We’ve broken up, but I know it was for the best. No harsh feelings and I’ll certainly make it a point in my life to continue my contacting him as friends. Being in this relationship made aware of all the faults I have and how difficult it is to be in a relationship. The way I handle my relationships and friendships now are much more different now than before I met this guy. I’m grateful for out experience, and I can only hope that I can meet a guy half as great as this him.  

Lesson: Relationships are hard... but they can be one of the most rewarding experiences in our lifetime. When else can you have someone see your true self, and learn the true meaning of love, sacrifice, and negotiation.

Never-meant-to-be guy | After my exboyfriend broke up with me, it took a long time for me to recover. Actually, I’m still kinda recovering now ( the very last portion of it). Well towards the end of my final year of college, I started talking to never-meant-to-be guy again. I’ve known him for three years or so and we’ve hung out together before. In the past, I did have feelings for him and I’ve made moves to show him that, but he always talked about how these other cute guys (that he wasn't talking to) in front of me. And so I thought he was never interested in me. Well, I was wrong. Apparently, he was.. and he didn't bother telling me this until the week before I graduated from college. At this point, I knew I was going back to Hilo for the summer before I moved to Korea later this year. We talked throughout the semester and he chose to tell me that he was interested in me only then??? I was baffled. But even if I did like him again, it was simply too late. He lost his chance, and I know that this relationship would not be worth pursuing. 

Lesson: Don’t wait until the last minute to confess to a guy. It will be too late then.

Through these ten people I encountered in my college, I learned a lot about myself, love, and about life. Hopefully, the lessons I learned since then will help me in the future as I meet more people to search for the one guy that will be with me for a very long time. I’m excited to see what life has in store for me... and I hope I won't grow old and lonely with cats ㅠㅠ 

-itsyoungjaeee

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Have you ever purposely made someone jealous? Yes. Back when Gab and I broke up and I knew she was regretting it, I used to pettily walk past her classroom often so that she saw how happy I was doing lol. Would you rather kiss the last person you called or the last person who came to your house? Called. Do you have a lot of clothes you never wear? Kinda. They’re all at the bottom of the pile in my closet, so they’ve stayed untouched for a while. Have you ever had to crawl through a window? I don’t remember having to do so, nope.

Describe what you did yesterday. Ok so it’s technically Wednesday now so I’ll describe what happened ~yesterday. Like the other days of the quarantine it was pretty uneventful, but the highlights were me doing a 48-race marathon on Mario Kart 8 and my mom making corndogs and wicked Oreos.

Have you ever slept at a member of the opposite sex's house? Nah, none of my guy friends have ever invited me or a bunch of our friends for a sleepover. Have you ever hooked up with someone to hurt someone else? Nah but something close. I was considering getting with Mike but to this day I’m still not sure if it’s because I wanted a rebound and make Gab jealous, or if I was genuinely interested in him and I wanted to see how it would’ve panned out. Are your eyes the same color as your mom's or dad's? We all have dark brown eyes. Do any of your relatives actually pinch your cheeks when they see you? The aunts who used to take care of me as a baby, yes. What was your last family gathering for? Christmas. Name the closest pink object to you. No pink anything in the dining room. Have you ever made a member of the opposite sex cry? Only my brother, I think. If you were to kiss the last person whose house you were at what do you think they would do? Kiss me back. Have you started Christmas shopping yet? That’s some hella preparation. No.

Will you see the person you last laughed with in the next couple days? I won’t see anyone other than my family for 22 more days, how’s that? Have you ever asked someone out? What did they say? Yeah, she said yes both times. Would you rather a salad or McDonald's? A salad, but it has to be spicy tuna salad or I’m not taking it. Do you know the last person you kissed parents'? That’s a unique way to phrase that question lmao, but yeah. My girlfriend and I are legal with them, and we have a decent relationship. Do they like you? ^ Yeah, but I’m still super insecure about it. We’ve never bonded but we have a healthy relationship, and at least they don’t actively hate me.

Name a couple things you can cook. :( How did you meet the last person you kissed? We were introduced by mutual friends in our old school. Who was there to help you last time you were puking? Gabie but she didn’t help me while I was puking - she took photos of me :(

Are there any boxes of tissues in your room? What's the design on it? Not a box of tissues but we have a roll of napkins that’s on a napkin holder. No design, it just looks like this but without the wood.

What DVD is in your DVD player right now? I have not used a DVD nor a DVD player in a VERY long time, but I’m willing to bet the last thing I popped in to watch was CM Punk’s Best in the World documentary. Have you ever borrowed something and never returned it? A couple of books... and the reason I wasn’t able to return them was because the owner either changed schools or migrated altogether without giving me a heads-up, so not entirely my fault HAHAHA. Are you in high school? When are you done? I’ve been done for four years. Do you and the last person you got mad at have any inside jokes? Tons. Has the last person you had at your house seen you cry? The last person who visited overall (not necessarily my visitor) was my sister’s then-boyfriend, now-ex (and thank god, because I never liked hiim). He has never seen me cry. But my last visitor was Gabie and she’s seen me cry hundreds of times. Is the last person you have a text from a virgin? Nope. Are you embarassed to say if you're a virgin or not? No. Have you ever met someone you thought you'd be with forever? Sure. ^Where are you two now? Dating. Has your best friend ever been in love? Yep, with me. My other best friend has also been in love. Do you wish you had any more siblings? Noooooooo. Having two is enough. I’ve always thought three was the ideal maximum number of kids to have, anyway. Have you ever kissed a friends' sibling? No. The most I’ve done was beso-beso, and that’s really more of a greeting than a kiss. What was the last magazine you bought? I used to collect magazine issues where my favorite celebrities would be a cover on, so the last one I bought was most likely one of these: Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, Elle, or Vanity Fair. Will the last person you kissed get you anything for your next birthday? We won’t be seeing each other on my birthday again this year. This time the lockdown will be covering my birthday, so it’ll be a lowkey celebration with family this time around. What was the last fast food you got? We had Jollibee takeout a couple of weeks ago. Have you ever caught anything on fire by accident? Nope and I wouldn’t wanna be caught in that situation lol, I’m terrified of fire. Do you think Family Guy is funny or just stupid? The episodes I caught were either funny or too political/too big of an American reference for me to understand. I don’t remember thinking it was stupid. If you could only watch one TV show, what would it be? FRIENDS. That’s what it feels like I’m doing, anyway. Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend cheat on you? Nope. Have you ever stayed with someone who treated you like shit just because you liked them so much? No, never been in this situation. Would you date someone all your friends and family hate? Idk it would depend on my existing relationship with the person. If it was Gabie they turned out to hate I’d tell them to fuck off. If it was a new person I still barely knew, it’d probably be easy to let them go. What does your last text say? It was telling me the PIN for a new app I was signing up for. Are you already looking foward to your wedding? I look forward to the *idea* but I don’t have any concrete plans for now, for sure. How is your heart lately? Missing my girlfriend and restaurants, but at least it’s not doing as bad as I thought it would. Have you been surprised in the past week? Yeah. In the last two days I’ve had to hear of a couple deaths - Angela’s grandma (who I always saw and greeted when visiting her place) and my grandaunt. Not the shocks I wanted to get, but yeah. Does the person you like know that you like them? Yes, for a very long time now. Have you ever spit on someone? Nope. Would the last person you argued with visit you if you were in the hospital? Yes, she’d be one of the first ones there. Don`t you just cringe when you see orange-tanned people. I do. I don’t cringe, I just find it silly seeing how they try so hard. Do you think this weekend will be a good one? It’s gonna be a meh one like the last few weekends have been. Would you rather cuddle or make out? At this point, both. Has your best friend ever been cheated on? Nope.