#hands of the emperor spoilers

[pentanguine]

Half an hour ago I finished The Hands of the Emperor, and I truly cannot decide whether I liked this book.

This book was recommended to me by so many people, and multiple sources have compared it to Lois McMaster Bujold, so my hopes were so high! And parts of those hopes were fulfilled! And yet!

It’s like...did I enjoy the part where the Emperor goes on holiday and learns to make friends? Yes. Did I feel cheated out of subsequent scenes with the Emperor when this turned into a Coming of Career book for Kip? Yeah.

Did I really enjoy the themes of being torn between two cultures and two sets of people who love you and value you in different ways? Yes, and I almost cried at some of the lines! Was I ready to tear my hair out by the twenty-fifth conversation wherein Kip was hurt that his family didn’t understand he was in charge of world government and launched into a three page speech about it? Oh boy yes.

The thing is, some of the positive reviews of this book describe it as competence porn (a happy fantasy of someone being Very Good at their job and Doing Good Deeds with it), and most of the negative reviews describe it as Kip being the Specialest Statesman of All Time, but I don’t feel like either of them capture what bothered me about Kip in the second, very repetitive half of this book. 

This is probably a very me response to have to this book, but I just wish everyone had been a bit less nice.

I don’t think it’s unrealistic that Kip is That Good at managing world government (sometimes you really are just That Good at something super complex and it really does feel second nature to you, oh well), but what I do find unrealistic is how everyone loves and respects him...even people who don’t love and respect him??

What I find unrealistic is that he has an eloquent five page rant in him for every occasion, and his principles never falter, and his language is always precisely chosen even when he’s furious. And everyone loves this quality of his, and he is truly beloved on a personal level by everyone in his hometown, and he just...can’t seem to do anything wrong!!

I want someone to dislike him! Not a cartoonish political foil like Prince Rufus, but one of his old friends, someone he cares about, maybe someone in the palace who shares his goals for world government but finds his air of non-stop efficiency absolutely maddening. I want him to say something gauche that doesn’t get immediately re-inscribed as acceptable by laughter at Kip’s fiery temper! I want him to fuck up! I want the world to be more fucked up! I want famines and wars and vicious people who do terrible things and assholes who have all the benefits of the world Kip’s created and who choose to screw over other people anyway! I don’t want to read about the Perfect Man in a Perfect World!

Unfortunately...that’s what this book is! Like, that is 100% the project the author set out to write here, and she wrote it, and it’s so much more of a treatise about a Good Man in a Good World than I’d prefer. I love slow, slice-of-life, character-driven books, and I love books that focus on unlikely protagonists, like bureaucrats who stay in the background while quietly running an entire government. And I loved all of that in this book, and I liked more things besides. But there were also so many things that drove me nuts, and I often put the book down for a week or more because I just was not having a good time. Oh well.

Since I’ve named the book in the post this will probably show up in the tag, so I hope all of the fans are enjoying the cozy utopian fantasy that is clearly so dear to them, your book is not my book and that’s ok.

[mayasaura]

Guys. The cows were about how if people don't like you or don't want to listen to you, they'll decontextualise your actions and use them to discredit you in any situation. How doing one (1) memorable bad thing can be held against you forever. The cows are about looking a council of world leaders in the eyes, telling them we're all being robbed of our futures by megacorporations, showing them the receipts and numbers and photographic evidence, and being told none of your arguments matter actually because you're The Cow Guy.

The cows are about how people don't forgive, not really.

[jeeaark]

Never seen an illithid recoil so fast when trying to give it smooches. Turns out there's a very good reason for it!

Wanted to draw my guardian boi one last time. First time the Emperor suggested it, got a lil affronted

Like, Squid bud, you don't think Greygold 'gets it'? You don't think Greygold had a bit of the 'don't belong's? the not-be-yourself-to-fit-in? Greygold gonna accept the shit out of you, buster. Gonna figure out dat squid biology one comedic lesson at a time.

Also. dat hair. I like to imagine when the emperor saw what would instantly gain Greygold's trust, the illithid was like-This is....Way too dreamy. Had to tone it down, Clark Kent dat Hunk-orc up with a hair-bun.

[lavendorii]

long-term nuclear waste warning messages/subnautica

[a2zillustration]

Croissant wants to help as many people as possible. Good thing there are all these people around them that have problems.

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[spiderthread]

why don't you let yourself be gently peeled off the ground and tossed across the back of a horse like a sack of potatoes by the most handsome man in china, then maybe you'll calm down

(+ bonus:)

[subterra-rose]

Older sibling culture

[lanaevyssmoved]

you know it feels the same.

[tizzymcwizzy]

would you believe me if i said i drew this for class and gave it to my professor with a serious face. anyway blorbo thoughts will always win out i guess

[tumblerislovetumblerislife]

the radiant emperor series may be a buddy comedy, but it is also the worst group project ever. zhu and ouyang spend most of both books working towards the same goal in very different ways. a fraction of this is actually spent working together. ouyang fucks off halfway through hwdtw to do the thing they agreed to HIS way. they attempt to kill each other several times.

[mayasaura]

Actually tho come to think of it, after Nona the Ninth I'm wondering if maybe the Nine Houses don't use guns because John saw everyone he loved shot in front of him at close range once and he's holding a grudge about it

[ubejamjar]

Crown for a Queen Depressed Old Man

BEHOLD-- my 'emet-selch joined the party without her consent and ajisai is making it his problem' agenda. They're besties guys, trust.

[jeeaark]

Final Showdown pt 1

Final Showdown pt 2.

So the key to becoming a lil more chill with the patch 0 Orpheus ending is realizing what I can get away with off camera. Brain fell down and nobody saw how we landed? No Emps in sight? Who knows long it took to regroup? One reasonable patch 0 ending where everyone lives coming up.

and I would've been content with this ending too if it weren't for those meddling patches.

Felt validated about the artifact solution though when the epilogue came out. As if Greygold wouldn't keep that lil doo-hickey after all this, practically a bag of holding for people.

Had to jump some logic hoops for Orph though. Don't think Greygold would be willing to risk any potential confrontation with Orpheus about Emps after this. Try and pull their first Squid Trick on him. But uh. Turns out! Orph Buddy's got mad wisdom. Dude has probably seen every Squid Trick in the book. Although. Not so silly as Greygold's attempts.

[jack-o-cel]

Yes, that’s the plan

Bonus Emperor screenshots ❤️

[logarithmicpanda]

I am about 200 pages into The Hands of the Emperor and I'm downright delighted. I have laughed out loud with pure joy several times, and I am definitely enjoying it much more than most of my 2023 reads lol

My one complaint so far is the lack of map. Please. Please I can't follow the politics and geography without a map lmao

[enakane]

Hi, I figured you'd have an interesting take on this, as the #1 The Emporer fucker (affectionate) on my dash. I've always seen Ansur's attempted murder of the Emp being less "you're a horrifying monster who I must kill before you turn on us, even if it kills me to do so" and more "the man I knew would never want to live as a mindflayer, the man I knew would be horrified at what he's become, the man I knew would rather die" but he didnt consider that the man he knew was dead the moment he turned into a mindflayer, as it's (I think) canon that mindflayers feel and think differently than other races, so the 'man he knew' had been fundamentally changed in such a way as to become unrecognizable in his thought process, and thus, would no longer agree with his past-self. So while I don't think what Ansur did was right, I don't think he's the out-and-out villian some people paint him as, just someone so blinded by grief and fear and sadness, that he doesnt realize how changed Emp was. And then when you show up, the Emp at your back and an elder brain on the rise, I think Ansur is blinded by rage, and grief, and betrayal. He thinks all his worst fears about Emp have come true, and that you're, at best, a pawn in Emp's game, and at worst, a thrall, so that's why he attacks. Havent played that section in a while, so I might be talking out of my ass, but that's my take based on what I remember. Thoughts? (Sorry this is so long, I am a Verbose Bitch.)

(brb gonna get "#1 Emperor fucker" tattooed somewhere on me, truly an honor)

I totally agree that Ansur's intentions were first and foremost to enact what he thought would be Balduran's wishes! As far as he knew, he was dealing with an illithid puppeteering Balduran's body, and after failing to bring him back to the way he was (if I remember well, Ansur tried for some time to restore Balduran to his former self but failed), killing him was equivalent to putting down a zombie.

Mind flayers indeed canonically think differently from other races, plus (depending on the source), the host's mind either mostly or completely disappears once ceremorphosis is complete. There was a high chance he was dealing with a master manipulator that only pretended to remember who it used to be to be set free. Ansur was hardly evil for wanting to end Balduran's cursed existence/kill the thing pretending to be him, and Emp was hardly evil for choosing to live.

(If I start talking about how the Emperor wanting to live despite everything ties in perfectly with the game's theme of choosing to live in spite of irreversible changes + the I Want to Live song, I may never shut up, HE'S JUST LIKE US FR-)

Ansur remains as a ghost due to his unfinished business, so when he feels Emp near and speaks to you and him... The situation hasn't really changed for Ansur. Either Balduran is still an illithid or there's still an illithid pretending to be Balduran, and like you said, the chances that you're either a thrall or being manipulated are very high, so why wouldn't he try to finish the job and consider you an unfortunate collateral damage? There's no more evidence that Balduran is actually in control than there was the first time. Plus, I'd never considered that Ansur might feel the Elder Brain nearby and assume Emp is responsible; that would indeed make him feel betrayed and more willing to attack.

I definitely understand why people aren't too keen on the idea of trusting the Emperor bc mind flayers have a Reputation(tm), but how people came to hate Ansur is kind of weird imo? He's not a villain at all, his decision to kill Emp was a desperate last resort, a way to free Balduran from his torment and save the many people who were gonna get their brains eaten if he got out. I know some people dislike that he possesses Tav, but I played that scene before reading about it and it never bothered me, I mean... he's a ghost. If I'd played through bg3 without getting possessed at least once I'd be lowkey disappointed.

Thanks for giving me an excuse to ramble about my bg3 fave, I hope I'm coherent lol