#have completely taken over my life.

[destinywillowleaf]

one of a kind living in a world gone plastic

baby you're so classic

@most-tragic-character-tournament

(all my thoughts in the tags)

[cherrymoonvol6]

mannnn what really gets me about the "family" scene in TTT is how hunter clearly wants to impress luz. he wants her to respect him and to think he's cool, and not only can we see that in all the ways that luz basically refuses to do so (and how that comprises most of their banter), but also in other moments where hunter is in a vulnerable state around luz. like hollow mind for example, where after hunter hears the truth about his nature as a grimwalker, this is how he steps out:

he's completely closed off to luz: he even steps out with his fucking eyes closed, turning his back to her as soon as he's able to. like he can't even bear the fact that she's able to look at him while he's in this state.

and this happens in TTT too: when hunter brings luz to the old house to "fight off belos", he's clearly shaken and inestable and luz first tries to address it by suggesting them to wait for the group, but he insists and then ends up voicing how he hates feeling this scared, this vulnerable around luz. and this is where she takes another approach and offers the masks.

and it's just soooo cute how hard luz is thinking about this, trying to come up with anything that will make hunter feel better, and her cute expression when she sees the masks 😭 and ofc hunter's reaction is perfect too:

like this is beyond thoughtful for her to recognize this as one of hunter's insecurities and earnestly do something to make it better. and i love the subtext of the masks being representations of luz's found family from the boiling isles... aside from the moment NOT happening in the noceda household to begin with. because hunter's not a noceda babyyyyyyy and also how hunter DOESN'T get the king mask because king is luz's brother and hunter is NOT luz's brother this is amazing thank you verrrry much

what makes this moment even better is that when luz verbalizes what's clear for us now, that hunter is part of the group, that hunter is someone worth taking care of and he is loved and considered family by luz, he's still wearing the mask luz gave him.

which means he's able to fully allow himself to feel and express the emotional impact of this moment because, thanks to luz's gesture, his emotional boundaries are completely met and respected by luz. like holy FUCK they love each other SO much 😭😭😭😭

[shorthaltsjester]

begging twitter to stop showing me tweets of people with no reading comprehension misrepresenting things I said but since i was going to make this more in-depth post Anyway .

when i say imogen is better read as a metaphor for generational trauma than she is a metaphor for queerness or chronic pain, i’m not talking about legitimate traits she has as a character. obviously she is queer. obviously she experiences some form of chronic pain (though i would argue her magic better suits chronic illness not pain because she states that it’s Not always painful, but it does always influence how she lives her life).

when i talk about how well she’s understood as a metaphor, i’m talking about when i’m looking at her as a part of a story, as an arc that i am witnessing rather than in the more typical fandom way of this is a fictional person who interacts with exandria as real people do. and that is a fun way to interact with characters, i enjoy it a lot! but when i say imogen (to me, as i for some reason have to clarify on my own blog which implies that these are my own opinions and not absolute fact that needs to be accepted by people on the internet with different experience and opinions than me) is best read as a metaphor for generational trauma, it isn’t a dismissal of her queerness or her illness, it’s just me thinking looking at her from that angle is more compelling.

imogen has been one of my favourite characters and least favourite characters in campaign 3 because i tend to analyse her through a lens of generational trauma and she ends up looking extremely familiar to me as someone with a family that carries their’s heavily which is as comforting as it is frustrating.

for me the main thing that looking at imogen through a queer lens of literary analysis fails to account for is harm. on the one hand - the harm that imogen experiences, not because of how people treat her for who she is, but that exists simply as a factor of her being ruidusborn. on the other hand a the harm that imogen causes. not to say that she is some malicious villain waiting for her chance to harm others, but that there are things about being ruidusborn that very much do incline her towards violence in a way that she might not otherwise be - i think about the conversation after she went nuclear and chet brought up people being scared of her connecting that to her father keeping distance. the only harm that queerness provides comes from society, and that isn’t the case in exandria. even metaphorically, the thing that society fears in ruidusborn people (while it has certainly been exacerbated by centuries of superstition and practices like we saw in zephrah) is a tangible threat. imogen’s magic when not controlled can wipe out a city block, but queerness poses no threat.

that’s why i’m not compelled by imogen’s backstory as a queer metaphor. not because i’m some imodna anti (i very emphatically am not but this fandom kinda makes me wish i was sometimes) or because i think exandria’s lack of homophobia/transphobia means that characters can’t be viewed through a queer lens or that critical role doesn’t contain some of the most compelling queer metaphor i’ve encountered. imogen just isn’t one of those characters, not because she isn’t queer, or because i think her story shouldn’t resonate with queer people, just because i find the generational trauma angle more consistent.

it’s similar with the chronic illness angle, which i will refer to as illness but you’re welcome to emphasise pain, we all have different vocabularies for the experiences we face. but just to give context i’m running off laura’s comparison of imogen’s powers to her own sensory issues and anxiety which while often Lead to pain, fall more into chronic illness in imogen’s context to me. and i do think there’s substantial comparison for imogen’s story as a metaphor for chronic illness, but i think that was much more true earlier in the campaign than it is looking at her from the current context. her beginning motivation being her search for knowledge about her powers really resonated with me as similar to someone experiencing symptoms of chronic illness but who could neither figure out how to treat them or what they were caused by.

but then imogen got more information, specifically about her mother, and her priority became not understanding her powers but understanding her current state as a person - how had she become the person she is, inclusive of her powers but very much emphasising her lack of a mother who became more and more present in the unweaving web of ruidusborn lore. that’s when i was less compelled by the chronic illness reading and more compelled by viewing her as a metaphor for generational trauma. had that not been enough on its own, imogen’s visit to relvin and her recent thoughts on her mother would be enough to convince me.

the part that makes me hesitant about this post is that generational trauma is so intensely linked to the contexts under which it is created and perpetuated. so i can’t really point to specific scenes as evidence of specific things that prove generational trauma is the most compelling and i don’t really want to unload that much of my own experience to clarify my thoughts on a character. but vaguely, i will say that imogen’s relationship with her parents is obviously the clearest source for my reading her as a metaphor for generational trauma. the fact that relvin, the only person in her family without the thing that draws society’s ire, is also the person that she has the most willing anger at is also indicative of this to me. in general, imogen’s rage that so easily transitions into sadness and vice versa comes out a lot in conversations about parents. most recently, i think about ashton’s lovely speech about found family and his distrust about parents and how as they were speaking, laura seemed to be playing imogen as sadly in thought versus months ago when fearnes parents showed up with striking similarities to liliana and imogen’s words of wisdom were let’s hurt them all.

and like. to me that angersadnessvengeancegrief is particularly evocative of the feelings that arise when you are in a family with generational trauma, especially when you are aware of it. because imogen can and has followed the logical steps that have led her and her family to where they are. early on when recounting her relationship with her dad she seemed wistful but understanding of the distance between them. in nearly every encountered with a parental figure imogen seems to be some level of distrusting for the most part, but she’s still holding out hope that her mother will see the good side. and further, there’s the complication of how dire her losing her powers seems to be, and how inextricable her powers are from every aspect of her life. she’s also southern and from a blue collar family. this means nothing except it also means a whole lot.

this is messy and not well organised but if you want a good essay you’re gonna have to pay me money for it but tldr: i say things i believe on my This Is My Opinion Blog and i don’t think i need to explain my thoughts to strangers on the internet but this was already half written in my drafts and if people are gonna shit on my opinions please at least do it in good faith and shit on my actual opinions not the ones you’ve decided i have.

[ratcandy]

my classmates will go thru 6 hours of class the day after a long excursion through the countryside and then just get up and go run around in town for hours going to movies and shopping and whatever and I'm just sitting here like Aren't you all exhausted . Aren't you all sore and pained. Where are you getting this energy. Can we calm down

[dreamlogic]

2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

[card-bleck]

Hey Pizza Tower fans!!!

So I made a tribute EP for Pizza Tower recently and thought some insane people (like me) here would like it!

The EP has a few tracks in the style of the game, and two remixes of songs from the OST!

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did making it!

I worked hard on the three cover arts, and even harder on the 6+ minute Unexpectancy Part 3 Remix, so I hope anyone here will go insane over the melody references I added.

I am so autistic about this game it's not even funny.

[applepies-and-starlight]

A couple of Ishmael centric fic bits before i pass out because it's 3am rn

[licorishh]

Most people really don't seem to understand that friendship is a two-way street.

They expect you to wait on them hand and foot as they rant about and constantly pour on you either their issues or their passions and when you finally have something you'd like to talk about you get a "Man that sucks :/" or a "Cool" in return.

Find somebody who doesn't do that. Then you'll have your best friend.

[heatobrienswife]

.

[gloomsday]

"oh, my love, i don't know why this life / is so cruel and unkind but it weighs on my heart"

[ivys-head-is-spinning]

Top five favorite musicals?

Oh shit okay I have a lot. I don’t have like a specific top 5 it literally changes depending on the second so generally it’s something similar to

Newsies (this never changes. Duh)

Hamilton

Rent

Hadestown

Anastasia

Honourable mentions to Wicked, Dear Evan Hansen and little shop of horrors.

Thanks for the question!!

[thisismycorneroftheinternet]

I realize that to others, having recurrent suicidal thoughts and other violent intrusive thoughts, having several coping mechanisms that are in some way or another self-harm and dangerous habits, having difficult to control memory flashbacks out of the blue that ruin your entire mood and bring you down, and having a generally almost constant level of demotivation and negativeness, derealization and depersonalization, and sheer panicked internal anxiety and paranoia that can go overboard at any second, are not normal. But like, that's been most of my life since I was 13ish, very few times I have not felt this way. I've just learned to carry on and not talk too much about it, because it scandalizes people to hear that sort of stuff, and that means they turn against you and abandon you, because they think I am either too much to handle or am acting out too much.

[itspileofgoodthings]

It’s really hit me that before I make any big life decisions of any kind I have to heal and grow more. Like what do I want to DO or BE. I want to get better. I want to be better. (In a healing way. Perfectionism dni)

[whumphoarder]

Hey, you totally don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to! But I was wondering if you were still writing? I miss you a lot on AO3 but I completely respect if you’re not anymore. I will gladly reread all of your fics. But I miss you! ❤️

<3

[lilgynt]

also my brother may come home this weekend to help with dad but he has to find a cat sitter 😐 okay go fuck ur self

[stump-water]

i cant stop thinking about how the traumas & shit that really screwed me up & screwed me over blunted my compassion & how that interacted with the shit that power insulated me from. it's not just that shit in society you benefit from insulates you from other people's problems. you know? it's how THAT compounds with all the other pain you're in. i truly believe you can build a deep bias without meaning to, just by living in this world and being hurt by it. there's a system you're benefiting from. you don't wanna admit that it's hurting you too, and so you resent the people who are being targeted very deeply by that system and trying to speak out about it