#he cant figure it out tho he doesnt know what to put on paper

[aro-ortega]

i think sasja should get into photography

[qvietflight]

Im not excited to be living in my home town again, but our grandparents are great so at least there's that.

My grandmother is so funny, tho. It isnt possible to see eye to eye with her on everything, but I learned from my aunts the best way to deal with that is to just move on past whatever it is. lol. She will tell you what she thinks, but wont tell you how to live. And the many ways she is just silly are so endearing.

We didnt eat before going over because... well, she ALWAYS cooks. Even tho she doesnt have to, of course, I had a strong suspicion. And when we got there she had cooked, as usual, and wanted to know if we had had lunch yet? of course not, you just cant eat before visiting my grandmother. But it plays out like this every time.

And for lunch she made both chicken and salad. The salad was very good, simple, and I recommended it to my partner (as one does) but my grandmother was in the middle of bemoaning how much chicken she made... and spooning it into my partners bowl. I said, "oh, i see you are too busy with the chicken right now, no salad for you!"

and of course she sent us with all the left overs. As we were leaving she called me back into the house to also give me paper plates and... forks... and a few knives. You can tell her no, but it is better to save the "no's" for when you really just need to end the conversation. It is usually just better to let her do what ever she has set her mind to, within reason.

For example, my aunt called with her daughters to say good night to grandma. I was forced (its fine) into a quick chat, during which my grandmother started doing dishes. Of course my aunt also had to put the girls to sleep, so I was like, "well... let me see if I can get her to stop doing dishes..." and my aunt was like, "you probably wont, you know how she is! (affectionate)" it is true, so I held the tablet for her anyway so she could say good night like she was supposed to.

She also told us about how she and her sister do not always see eye to eye. she says, "I love my sister, so when we disagree I just tell her I have another phone call..." Very good advice, I think, but the way she said it she must have recently had to take another call (exasperated.)

She did tell us some unfortunate things, like how a flooring person tried to scam her out of money (she avoided it just fine; he wasn't too clever, fortunately!) How she is often afraid to call people to get work done on the house because of anti-indigenous racism (we aren't indigenous, but racists don't care.)

She is incredibly resourceful. Her toilet? or sink? or? she substituted in the vietnamese word, which she does every now and then but not often enough for me to have learned many words. Anyway, some pipe was clogged and she managed to fix it her self! She was quite proud, which is just fine, but i think maybe she didnt need to lose her upstairs bathroom for 3 weeks...

We moved up here to take care of my partners grandmother, but it is just as well. We can also help take care of mine! I just have to figure out how to convince her to let us get her sink focet fixed...

[charkyzombicorn]

Okay but what if luffy got his devil fruit a bit younger? Like he was 4ish when shanks brought it. Garp gets pissy earlier and decides to tie some balloons to his grandson and let the sky handle him while he makes arrangements with dadan.

But then it's a particularly bad day for luffy, and a strong wind carried him away from his island, he ends up falling right into one of the newer slave trader's ships and well fuck. He tried to fight them off but one of them has a collar with sea stone that the big boss person gives to every ship, even the smaller ones. So now luffy's fucked.

Since he's got a devil fruit, he's taken to the big boss child slave distributor asshole (put that on a business card) and then eventually gets taken to judge, because of course that dickhead would buy superpowered children. Judge gets him purely because rubber boy can take a hell of a walloping and also is stronger than the average four year old.

The vinsmoke brats and Sanji end up being pitted against Luffy and luffy does not win, but he doesnt die either so that's a plus. Sanji hates beating up a four year old, his brothers seem to love being able to punch something as much as they want without them being taken away or dying.

Luffy ends up learning how to fight by force, and eventually he's dubbed Sanji's fighting partner since they're both the weakest, which sucks because if sanji loses he gets locked up and if luffy loses then judge gives the other three brothers sharp objects and free time with luffy

Eventually luffy befriends sanji because of course he does, and loving food as much as he does he becomes the taste tester for sanji's cooking endeavors, and sometimes luffy manages to limp away to talk to sanji when he's in his cell.

When they escape, they escape together, and sanji becomes a bus boy and luffy just carries shit because he cant really do anything else but he could deadlift a ship at 10 so hey

When the attack happens, sanji's trying to save luffy, but zeff has to save him. Sanji sits on that rock almost certain that luffy's dead.

Luffy didn't die tho, because no, and he got saved, idk how, this is a writing prompt u figure it out, and they end up growing up apart for a bit after that. Luffy doesn't find his island again, but he does a bit of bounty hunting to get by and ends up making a name for himself because apparently his 'training' with the vinsmokes was a little more brutal than he thought.

Sanji works hard, he feels he owes a debt to both zeff and luffy, both of which helped him in some of his worse moments, and ends up a bit more edgy than in canon because he thinks his only friend is dead (push him to the edge🎶)

But then luffy gets blamed for something that was only really half his fault and half the random bandit he was fighting's fault, and he ends up with a bounty. It isn't a big one, just about 10000 berri, he kinda destroyed a bit more marine property than is recommended. But then sanji sees the bounty in the paper and he doesnt know if he should be glad his friend is alive or angry that luffy let him think he was dead.

But then luffy comes to the baratie when hes about 15-16, and then he sees sanji again and now he's super fuckin happy because how would luffy know sanji was alive?? They both came to the conclusion of mutual misunderstanding and lack of information after a bit of angst, because its sanji and luffy. But they get over it because they were both on the bottom end of the vinsmoke hellhole and does it really matter when they're reunited?

Zeff let's luffy steal sanji because it's been over a decade but luffy still wants to be the motherfuckin king, okay? And sanji's gonna be the cook for the pirate king and find the all blue because

Sanji becomes luffy's first mate and then start a sailing. Luffy attracts friends like a magnet, they get usopp next, and luffy kills kuro because luffy isn't as not-killerish as he is in canon because tragic backstory and if you leave a kid alone to be a bounty hunter long enough with only their own brain to make the morals, what do you expect will happen? Usopp joins because 'UwU piwate' is his opinion on the matter

They get nami, and sanji's a bit more chill than in canon because growing up with a guy that was also nice along with his sister and mother had a bit of an impact. He's still a bit if a french goth and treats nami better than other people but he isn't being a douche about a lady fighting or making faces quite as stupid.

Zoro joins but Does Not like sanji, which is mutual but luffy likes him so sanji must deal. They make their way toward the grand line, going back to the baratie, or what's left of it.

Sanji gets another thick layer of angst learning that while he was gone, don krieg destroyed the ship trying to steal it, and then they go to find don krieg, postponing grand line for a hot second because luffy wont leave until he gets to personally kick the ass of whoever made his cook so extra angsty, and sanji seconds that.

They find don krieg in Cocoyashi island, after crashing there with his broke ass ship. They fight him, the ruckus brings out arlong before Nami can attempt to lie to save them.

Sanji gets off one angst and gets it replaced with another when he can barely do shit because he was cooking all this time and is no longer as strong as luffy, who was only really working on fighting. Luffy almost dies because he has to fight both those shitheads back to back, but he wins.

Sanji starts getting more aggressive with zoro, and zoro only stays because he saw the fight and respects his captain, but that's a bit of a loose thing, ready to snap with a wrong move. Or maybe zoro leaves because he needed that fight with mihawk to realise this was serious and he was a pirate now, to each their own.

They stay in the east blue a little longer because luffy nearly died and they dont have a doctor, but he's fine. Sanji gets more guilt tho because that's how he is, and starts treating luffy nicer, which leads to luffy instigating a fight between the two of them because luffy wont swallow that shit. It helps things because violence is sometimes the answer

They head to the grand line, up reverse mountain, meet the whale, the whole shebang. Sanji might catch feels by this point because honestly who wouldn't?

Nami gets sick, and luffy doesn't know how to deal with that because back when he was being carted around with a sea stone collar and 30 other starving children, they just shot the ones that got sick. Ptsd time and guess who gets to help because zoro isn't first mate/here? Sanji! Which definitely puts things into perspective because for as long as he'd known him, luffy's tried his hardest to make sanji smile, and keep him company, even though after being bought luffy's only purpose was to be a stepping stone in sanji's development. So sanji finally being smacked across the face with the brunt of bottled up traumatized child luffy, he needs a fuckin smoke.

They find drum island and then same shit as canon, except it hits a bit harder with luffy carrying a dying nami and a heavily injured sanji up sheer rock because that's the only person that luffy had when shit got rough that he's holding between his teeth.

When sanji wakes up he probably notices how injured luffy is and can estimate the ringer he's been through because Sanji had to personally find out how luffy's healing factor worked because he was a good fraction of the reason luffy needed to heal so much.

They acquire a chopper :3

This is getting long and it's pretty much the end of my idea, sorry for the long informal post.

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader 

han x reader | part five of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; pregnancy & child-birth

↬ notes; jisung lil qt jajajaja i cant i love him

u guys had been engaged for a few months n u two found out early on when u missed ur period

han was actually the one who figured it out n he dropped so many hints that u were pregnant 

he ends up flat out telling u that ur pregnant

“okay, you’re pregnant. it’s obvious!! how can you not tell!!”

sure enough the test confirmed what jisung was thinking the whole time

he’s very attentive nd hes so attached to u

u assure him ur okay to go to the bathroom alone

or go out for work

or cook dinner by yourself

he thinks anything is not safe for you to do

i feel like han is the really worried caring person, constantly thinking of the worst things that could happen n hes so buried by the worrying

his day probably goes - wake up, eat breakfast with u, practice, come back for lunch, go back and finish up practice, cuddle with u, (sometimes make dinner), eat dinner, do whatever chores need to still be finished, (write lyrics when he can), get ready for bed with u, wait until u fall asleep, talk to the baby for about half an hour, then finally he will sleep (if he isn’t up working extra)

hes worn out :(

everybody is rly worried about him n he just tells them hes fine

han rants to u about the boys talking to him asking him about it and u cant really do much except sit there in silence and nod

one day its all just too much for him

he just bursts into tears

“am i doing this right?” 🥺

u assure him he’s doing everything well but he needs to slow down

“baby, you need to take some time for yourself. you don’t need to worry about me, i’m fine. you are not, you need to relax okay?”

“can we just lay down?” “of course we can.” :(

from now on he decides to just come back for dinner like he used to, instead just staying home on bad days for u

he likes to lay his head in ur lap n watch a movie or read a book or just sleep

he will do anything for u, whether it be making u disgusting combos of food or dealing with ur crying over sad movies

mmm he loooovveesss skinship now that u r pregnant

backhugs always

just imagine him with his hands encased around the lower part of ur bump, his head and hair brushing against ur neck and chin with his chin pressed against ur shoulder

he’ll talk to u sweet af

he mentions to u a lot how he wants to marry u already

u guys just delayed the wedding for awhile since u would be uncomfortable in a dress and heels + u would be busy with ur baby after

he sits around a lot doing things just to be around u but to be relaxed while doing so

lots of kisses on ur bump because its even better than ur cheeks and lips or forehead or hand

he does the whooollee nursery by himself

he likes to lay on the soft carpet in there

he’ll sometimes write lyrics in there

maybe make music n shit

he likes it when u sit in the chair thats there for when u wanna sit and feed or just sit there n rock so u can put them to sleep

unlike everyone else yall figure out the gender before the birth

a rly cute cake that’s got blue n pink marbled fondant to cover it

its hot as hell n jisung is just clinging to u while making rounds with u around the backyard

its super cute trust me

u guys have the iconic game where u guess the circumference of ur bump 😌

guess who guesses right !!

nobody other than yang jeongin king of measuring 😍

its time for u guys to cut the cake n u two are actually nervous for this part

u guys have like forty people at ur house just watching u and waiting for the cake to be cut

u cut into it n theres the blue cake that was underneath the frosting n fondant

“we’re having a boy!”

group huggg

u guys are actually great at hiding the pregnancy and were going to release pictures from the duration of it after ur baby was born

hes hoo vv ee rr in gg the last few weeks

u have this cute sized bump, it’s just absolutely adorable

its cute tho u have this lil waddle n he’ll help u with everything u need 🥺

his clothes are all u need

now u two also had to get induced like changbin and his now wife

hes just singin n hummin while he holds ur hands n lets u rest against him

he’ll get in his final words to his little boy before he’s here

jisung is so sure ur gonna break his hands while hes ur #1 fan in the delivery room but then he hears the cries and ur grip loosens around his hands

ur baby boy is just laying on ur chest before jisung is like

“he’s so cute.”

and ur just sniffling and jisung is like aww thats cute

then u look at him so sadly

“but i hurt ur hands” :(

he looks at u like 0_0 & just laughs

he gives his red hands a good look, they DO hurt but he doesnt rly care cause its already going away

“yea well i bet pushing this squishy baby out hurt more!!”

u nod and laugh, knowing hes right

the room is silent while u cuddle with ur brand new baby boy

“u think he’s gonna be a rap star just like me?”

“han, shut up.”

big pout :(

“fine, but i’m sure he’s gonna be a free style genius just like me.”

tons of pics and he’s blowing up everyones phones with pictures of ur little boy in his cot

+ bonus , jisung’s favorite part about your pregnancy was how you had grown so kind

he swore u were almost like candy rotting a tooth as u spoke to him

sure u had those days where u were irritated and upset

but u could be talked down in an instant with jisungs’ touch or voice, it somehow always worked to soothe u

he remembered this one time u were upset for whatever reason, but hey u were the pregnant one!!

u pouted and had ur brows furrowed nearly half the hour u were sitting on the sofa while jisung was working with papers spread on the coffee table

he let u come and sit next to him, soon letting u lay ur head down in his lap

his hand would brush against your bump, immediately seeing your face soften and a smile on your lips

there was the y/n he remembered waking up this morning

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[cassyapper]

OKAY IVE ACTUALLY PLAYED TWO SESSIONS SINCE MY LAST POST SO IM GONNA COMBINE THEM HERE SORRY FOR THE LENGTH BUT,,IVE COME SO FAR I DONT WANNA STOP NOW

this is gonna be very messy cause i WILL be jumping back and forth as things come back to mind so uhh pls enjoy this absolute ramble <3

anyway. i continued playing omori and boy do i have some Thoughts

so first session; i went through the pyre(something i forgot the full name sob) forest/sprout mole village/sweetheart’s castle in one go and let me TELL YOU. DOING THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE I WENT NUTS holy shit.

so anyway.

pyre forest!!!! the lil race against the big spider coming after u for disturbing the smaller spiders mechanic was very fun i had a lot of fun figuring out the best routes to take. i know normally mechanics like that lead to ppl getting frustrated cause u have to keep retrying but i had a lot of fun!!!! sum annoyance but good natured type, th kind that just makes u try harder u know? i just enjoyed it JKFN;FN; candles in the foggy forest....now That is an aesthetic

the rare bear scared the fuckin shit out of me i remember it didn’t attack me straight away so i was like “aw (:” but then when i press x on him it takes me to a BATTLE SCREEN AND SUDDEN THAT MF IS TERRIFYING I WAS LIKE WHWHWHWHWKJDNJ. very funny i honestly wished i recorded my reaction

also omori is afraid of drowning...................................i am breathing heavily. i think whatever happened to mari is related to at least one of the things omori is scared of. so either heights, spiders, or drowning it seems. spiders doesnt seem super likely as a contributor to her death, and while falling from a height is more realistic, such a senseless way of dying doesnt seem to rlly fit ? with the vibe i get from the kiddos in the real world. which makes me think maybe drowning/otherwise suffocating is how she died...but we’ll see. also due to the forgotten library part, we know omori explicitly feared spiders/drowning before mari died so it’s also probable im jus talking out my ass here but still,,,,thoughts

also this motherfucker?

literally fucking terrifying. IT’S BODY IS MADE OF SUCC’D SPROUT MOLES...i still have no idea what exactly it was doing to them but jesus h christ!!!! evil and fucked up. do not feel bad for curbstomping it

sprout mole village!!!! very cute, im v excited to send that one dude his brother’s care package. i like how, when theyre not lost, sprout moles can be real endearing lil guys,,,theyre not my fav lil enemies but (:

also for some reason omori is the first game ive played where i really care about getting achievements ? so i literally did the back and forth on my save file just to get all the season sprout mole achievements JKDJFJ;. i ended up sticking w spring tho before moving on for real cause spring is my fav season irl (:

also i felt SO BAD for cutting down that one sprout mole’s chistmas tree he was just trying to celebrate but i wanted to see that present and coincidentally becoming a christmas ruiner was an achievement so all’s fair in love and war i suppose

ALSO. th fuckin plant monster thing under the scientist sprout mole’s room. major little shop of horror vibes from the design, absolutely adored it!!!!! originally i did  just cut the wire holding the piano over it, ending it in one go, but i was very curious abt it so i reloaded a save file to actually fight it and

i know it only spread that gas to make the kiddos happy cause being happy reduces attack i think ? it decreases attack/defense but seeing the kiddos smile so much was nice (:

however

omori...sunny....son boy.........u good ?

and now. sweetheart

the way the sprout moles completely adore and depend on sweetheart gives me such awful evil vibes and combined with such a luxurious background was fucking incredible

sweetheart herself, speaking of. bitch (sorta affectionately, certainly not derogatory)

i talked to every sprout mole in the audience before taking my seat and i literally dont know why. even when i picked up the pattern of where the unique dialogue could be found (usually the sprout moles farthest right) i still talked to all of them......just in case ? i have no idea. i dont know why i did that. i feel it’s important that i note it tho

LMAO SO WHEN SPROUT MOLE MIKE DID THE MINUTE OF SILENCE FOR YE OLD SPROUT MOLE

I LITERALLY FELT SO FUCKING BAD LMAO I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD NO!!!!!! I DID THAT!!! I KILLED HIM!!! OH MY GOD!!! I WONDER HOW AWKWARD OMORI KEL HERO AND AUBREY FELT IN THE AUDIENCE HOLY SHIT THEY HAD FRONT ROW SEATS TO SPROUT MOLE MIKE’S MOURNING!!! MY GOD FJKFN;;

also sprout mole mike describing 3′7″ inches as ”towering” was the FUNNIEST shit i have ever seen. also i have to wonder, since sweetheart made up the whole show of sweetheart’s quest for hearts in the first place, if she was seriously down to marry a sprout mole if one suited her fancy. jus v funny to me honestly. SPEAKING of sweetheart’s dating patterns I NOTICED THOSE FEM SKELETONS IN THE DUNGEON!!!!! BI SWEETHEART!!!! SHE’S JUST AS DOWN FOR GIRLS AS SHE IS BOYS

i know TECHNICALLY not everyone is in the dungeon for failing to be a good enough suitor but STILL...COME ON. THIS WAS BEFORE WE KNEW THAT. SWEETHEART BI I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

anyway

when the lights when out and lightning struck the third contestant, i knew Immediately something was gonna go down. and when the mustache sprout mole was like “oh yes!! u!! in the striped pjs!! u absolute beast ur perfect!!!” i KNEW hero had just been selected as the replacement i was goign completely fucking nuts i was like OH MY GODNFNG; HIS HEART IS ALREADY TAKEN BY MARI!!!!!!! STOP

i ended up taking so many screenshots during this part cause i was going feral so here take a glance just cause i love, uh, hero

OUR HERO IN SHINING ARMOR DJLBH;KFJB

also GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IM SHORTER THAN HERO

hero shaking on the stage when he was introduced...oh my HEART....IM SO FOND FOR THIS BOY WTF!!!!! DKJDN;N

this is not really NEWS to me since it’s implied hero is tall but like come ON..... sorry just every time i find out a character is explicitly taller than me i need to huff about it, moving on,

HERO FUCKS

sorry i just have so many screenshorts during this aprt cause i was going fucking crazy but

literally terrifying! sweetheart bathes in that shit!! christ!

is blood good for ur skin? i imagine, so long as like...gore isnt in it and it’s solely blood it cant be BAD necessarily......but good ? regardless very fucked up. besides the fact that well, uh, BLOOD, blood is also sticky as hell. ur telling me sweetheart willinglhy bathed in that shit? disgusting. at least thin it out

anyway I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THE PUZZLES AT SWEETHEART’S CASTLE....FROM THE DUNGEONS TO THE KITCHENS TO THE BALLROOM TO THE LIBRARY TO THE GARDENS JUST EVERYTHING!!!! IT WAS SO FUN I ENJOYED FIGURING IT OUT SO MUCH IT WAS LITERALLY DELIGHTFUL...I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH THE GAMEPLAY IS SO FUCKING EPIC I LITERALLY HAVE SO MUJCH FUN.......OH MY GOD I JUST. INCREIDBLE!!!! FUCK

also the lil sir maximus bit.........i honestly felt really awful over having to kill them ): i think i even tried running once but it wouldnt let me...it hurt man ): they were just a family....

um but anyway,

i think it was rlly sweet how aubrey protested to the wedding cause she was worried abt sweetheart,,,like i cant rlly explain it idk how to put it into words,,like sweetheart is clearly not mentally well and having an episode, and aubrey being the only one to say “hey what ur doing is self-destructive and isolating” just mmmh. she cares a lot,,,and *i* care aubrey

also sweetheart’s battle theme fucking SLAPPED...SO GODDAMN HARD IM STILL QUAKING OVER IT....FUCKING BANGER YO!!!!!! INCREDIBLE

ah but alas

BASIL........I NOTICED THAT IT WAS HIS GHOST/SHADOW DURING THE EXIT FROM OTHERWORLD AS WELL BUT JUST FUCK

im so worried about basil ):

and it being so obvious that none of the others can see...........them asking omori if he’s okay.....oh my god. i go nuts

and then...the forgotten library part

i literally cried, again, oh my fucking god

these kids loved each other so much they ADORED the time they spent with each other and im QUAKING to know WHAT HAPPENED TO MARI......HOW DID THE FALLOUT GO. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

i know there are multiple endings to this game and on god i am not QUITTING until i get the happiest ending there is for these kids im literally a goddamn fuckign mess oh my god

MARI SHWOING UP IN THE LIBRARY AT ONE POINT AND LEADING OMORI...........IM LTIERALLY GOIGN INSANE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE LOVED HIS SISTER SO MUCH HE’S SO CLEARLY LOST WITHOUT HER I CANT FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

GOD

okay sorry i just. ive said ti before but the grief in this game is so real and palpable and it aches, it aches so bad. also the white egret orchids in the library...i see u

but regardless.... session two real world electric boogaloo

LOVE that kel is like “so i need to run errands but u wanna come with me right? of course u do!” like fuck i rlly do. kel is just so delightful i would literally do anything to spend time with him

ALSO i noticed u can just refuse to open the door both times kel’s knocked now and it makes me wonder....if u could choose to ignore kel ? and then venture out urself or just ? i wonder what would even happen if u chose to not open the door. im CERTAINLY not doing it myself at the very least not this playthrough but i am curious...i bet that’s how u get a bad ending, by not talking w kel

but anyway....

aubrey and her gang not saying anything in the pizza parlor........i jus think abt that is all

ALSO!! pet rocks!!!!!!!!! LOVE this lil thing it’s so cute. jus rock paper scissors it babey

speaking of lil bits, love all the mini quests in the real world...it’s just rlly fun and builds up this cute lil town........it also makes me think that whatever happened to mari cant have been anything except an accident, bc no one comments on what a tragedy it was to omori. like if it was murder, there’s no way such a horrific situation wouldnt engulf the town for a bit and sweep over it for weeks at least, but that just doesnt seem to have happened. this is def me reading too into it tho;; point is neighbors nice (: also i got the seashell necklace and i go apeshit

ALSO......THE FUCKING...........CHURCH. I VISITED WITH KEL ON A COMPLETE WHIM CAUSE I WAS CURIOUS IF THE PASTOR WOULD TALK MORE ABT AUBREY BUT NO. INSTEAD HE TALKS ABT THE WEIRD VIBE FORM THE GRAVEYARD HE’S GETTING!!! AND THE DUDE WHO CHILLS IN THE GRAVEYARD SAYS SHIT ABT THE SPIRITS GETTING READY FOR SOMEONE TO JOIN THEM!!!! BITCH WAHT THE FUCK

THERE’S NOF UCKING WAY THIS ISNT ABOUT BASIL. THERE IS NO!!! WAY!!!! I SWEAR ON GOD IF BASIL DIES I WILL LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP CAUSE THERE IS LITERALLY NO OTHER WAY HE COULD DIE EXCEPT SUICIDE THAT’S WHAT IT HAS BEEN IMPLYING OVER AND OVER I GO NUTS I GO APESHIT NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK

OKAY SORRY I JUST. HHHHHHHHHHH

baby has acquired baby

kel’s family is rlly cute,,,,v heartwarming. i trust them

i do worry abt like...the stark difference between recognizing kel’s accomplishments and hero’s...i just idk. i just keep thinking abt that bit in kel’s story abt hero’s depression when his parents focused on hero and ignored him, and i just. kel’s family is good People but i worry if kel has a good support system...i jus........): i am watching

ahh THE BASIL MISSING PART MADE MY HEART LITERALLY FUCKING DROP..I WAS SO FUCKING PANICKED I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS IT BASIL IS DEAD

THANKFULLY HE WASNT BUT HOLY GOD HOW THAT WHOLE SITUATION PANNED OUT MADE ME GO NUTS!!!!!!! BASIL...AUBREY...HER GANG.......FUCK OH M YOGD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

THANK G O D I SNOOPED AROUND KEL’S HOUSE BEFORE LEAVING I WOULD HAVE H A T E D TO FIGHT THEM ALL AT ONCE IM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO JUST PEPPER SPRAY THEM JESUS CHRIST

oh my god kim like asking for aubrey all concerned before deciding to trust her and leaving.....kim i diagnose u with lesbain

the whole fucking. basil almost drowning scene. i seriously feel like ive changed like as a person over it. i am thinking . i am thinking. i am only evee thinking about mari and how omori just loved her so much and how the thought of her gave him strength. th pic of her ghost holding omori’s hand in the water made me cry

MMMM BUT. HERO!!!

I DIE I DIE I DIE HE’S SO PRETTY FUCK ALSO HIM PICKING UP BASIL WOOOOOOOO THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT YEAHHHHHHHH

god i feel so bad about leaving aubrey tho. shes so clearly not okay and she so clearly did not mean to push basil in and oh my GOD I JUST...PLEASE....PLEASE CAN WE JUST TLAK TO HER I NEED TO TLAK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO FUCK

the ghosts of omori and aubrey on the swings made me cry out like i had been physically assaulted

AHH BUT THEN TAKING BASIL HOME AND WHILE HE’S IN HIS BED HE JUST SAYS “oh sunny...there’s not way out of this...is there?” I LITERALLY GO BUCKWILD APESHIT INSANE STUPDI!!!!!! BASIL YOURE PUTTING UP A LOT OF ALARMING FLAGS HERE!!! PLEASE DO NOT FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK. CHRIST. HELL. SHIT. THIS GAME IS DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY

GOD

oh my god but the day ending with hero and kel sleeping over at omori’s house...im kdnd im jkdim im not uhm okay THEY BUILT A BLANKET FORT PLEASE..I LOVE THEM

goddd hero going into the piano room....playing sum........and then asking omori abt the song he and mari used to play on violin...and then THE TITLE SCREEN MUSIC STARTS PLAYING....HI. HI HELLO HI YOU CANT FUCKIGN DO THAT HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUFBJFGJNGN;EJNE; IM GOIGN NUTS

also the name omori comes from the piano.............interesting...i wonder why sunny likes being called omori in the dreamscape...

god but omori not having a srs hallucination cause he’s w his friends and he feels safe...im gonna sob

However. i did glance into the bathroom mirror. AND INSTEAD OF THE EYE MF IT’S A DISTORTED AS HELL GHOST MARI???IM SO FUCKIGN SCARED. IM SO SCARED. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK? CREEPY AS HELL!!!

ohh my god this GAME

so finally i ended up in whitespace again. do NOT like that omori is completely alone in the world!!! what the FUCK!!!!!!!! I AM SO SCARED AT ALL TIMES. im literally about to go play sum more tho after dinner so i will see what happens. god i jsut......this game is so fucking good it has me by the balls dude. SO glad i decided to play it bruh

anyway thanks for reading all of this if u did, it’s an absolute monster ik and ur a real one

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S2 E12

quarantine: may 31 2020

season 2 episode 12: “Rubicon”

the guy is running. watch he just die and no one gets clarkes message. i would love it if clarkes plane just backfired but of course they save him. 

ok but wait why was cage just random carrying a oxygen tank when he himself doesnt even need one.

tsing out here with her own personal army. then just plucking these kids one by one. damn 

these grounders really be listening to clarke just because lexa said so?? damn these grounders be loyal minus gustus and that one guy that tried to kill clarke but then got eaten by king kong

is raven really the only person out here doing all this crap?? like does clarke not realize how big of an ask shes asking of raven? raven is magic and shit but she has some limitations just to be somewhat realistic. just chill the fuck out clarke raven is doing the best out here arguably more than clarke.

i love how bellamy is still wearing that hat still looking like sean malto. but also how has someone not noticed him? but i guess bellamy like joe from you as in if he wears a hat he magically blends in.

“...all of this is for nothing” way to put pressure on prettyboy bellamy like he didnt already know that. chill clarke everyone is trying their best out here. ngl i would hate to have clarke as a manager cuz i think she would micromanage the shit out of people. 

remember in the last episode when clarke asked what her job was well i think that i figured it out:

i also wanna mention that finn literally died idk less than a week ago but clarkes in charge being out and about commanding people years her senior. i get that we had that whole episode dedicated to how finns death affects clarke but still she got over that pretty quick. a little too quick. but i guess that if youre a sky person your emotional metabolism is just through the fucking roof...

ooo clarke still be salty toward her mom. but yeah kane is kinda an enabler

but why do these people have clear paper. the art department is feeling themselves on that one. like is it because they wanted to be edgy and futuristic or is it from an actual realistic viewpoint that the space people dont have trees to create paper................does this also mean that the space people didnt have toilet paper???????? but also back to the paper thing did these kids never learn how to write in cursive??? since i would imagine actual writing utensils are limited so idk if they waste it on teaching kids cursive. actually tho does anyone have an answer to these questions??? 

where did jaha get that antler stick. i kinda want one. i like to imagine that he just saw it lying somewhere on their way to the desert and said to himself i would look epic holding that stick and then went to pick up and started using it even tho he doesnt actually need a walking stick....any hunter x hunter fans?

jaha’s mask at 8:29 is an example of what not to wear during corona season

“thanks for the water?”...while looking down a bit flustered ”its, uh..it was no problem” emori and murphy? ship?

bellamy crawling through air vents to save the day...magenta from sky high who??

also bellamy’s ear piece is giving me everything. *i know that the following meme is just a tiny phone but i just really like it so idgaf

again with the inaccuracy of bone marrow extraction.

but what really gets me is clarke recognizing what procedure is going o just by the sound of a drill. ok who is she? she be like the boy that can identify a vacuum just by the sound. For those that don’t know what I’m talking about:

https://youtu.be/Ar5nLNku0CM

undefined

A missile?? where did these people get a missile

But also imagine if clarke was like actually i didn’t catch any of that conversation and bellamy just had to recap it like Luis in ant-man. I would die

thats a lot to ask of raven clarke. Like i could never get that shit done no matter how long you gave me. Yeah ppl be screwed if i was part of the 100

That hug btw Clarke and raven...ship? Jk i know it was just a friendship hug but yah can never know with these writers. Like i honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the writers said enemies (being part of that love triangle with finn) to friends to lovers

murphy and emori are definitly a ship. walking together behind with everyone else. Murphy said “i killed two people. I had my reasons but nobody cared.” Fuck you murphy you killed them cuz you a salty bitch. I also hate how he says this so blasé. Like dude want?? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Murphy also said im the bad guy. Murphy is a billie elish fan?? Duh.

woah when that girl pulled out her claw????? I fell out of my seat. its actually huge. she could grab a whole basket all. They did a great job concealing/ not drawing attention to her hand before like i was so fucking surprised.

“Its pretty badass” and murphy looking at that claw tho...murphy is into kinky shit. But also that look he gave her while she walked away that was the most genuine look I’ve ever seen out of murphy.

Bellamy shoving jasper into a wall and whispering...bellamy and jasper? ship?

this secret talk between bellamy and Dante....bellamy and president Dante? ship?

But i also like to imagine that during this meeting that bellamy has the song dont be suspious. Dont be suspious playing in his head

woah. Mountain man said inconito mode activated. Reminds me of one of those green soldiers in toy story especially during the opening scene of i think the first movie

This character development in clarke is something else like remember when she talked about the grounders wanting finn out in the open and not in private causing a huge public uproar. Look at her now talking in private with Lexa about the missile. Phenomenal character growth if you ask me.

they really put all their eggs in one basket with bellamy. But bellamy be a really good basket tho. Trust Lexa trust.

where tf did this guy get an RPG??

Woah Emori be the real bad guy. But honestly she could slit Murphy’s throat and he would still live because cockroaches can still live without their head.

raven you should have just shut up. You really dropped the ball there.

lincoln???? What are the chances??? Isn’t he still a druggie?? Honestly octavias little speech would not motivate me at all. If anything it would make me want to take more drugs. At this point i would just say to Lincoln “dont fight it”

i like how they took everything but they let jaha keep his stick.

caspian is reall dressed like a hipster that sells artisanal kombucha

Jaha really has some faith in murphy...jaha and murphy? ship?

Also that was a really good shot of them murphy, jaha, and their crew climbing up the hill with a giant moon in the background

Lexa is giving me padme vibez wearing that head scarf like that

they were going to let kane and indra die

yeah sorry to break it to you abby but your child is a killer but then again so are you sooo..you really cant be out here to judge your kid like that. Like mother like daughter. But you really cant lecture clarke on this. you literally gave your husband up and you let your daughter blame her best friend for it. And on top of this you were part of the council that sent 100 kid down to earth without even knowing if earth was survivable. ma’m get the fuck outta here.

but all those lives for bellamy. i think its worth it. Because bellamy is worth everything.

theyre linking arms they got monty no!! absolutely not. they took jasper but i gotta say better he than monty bc Monty is king. Yeah jasper really fumbled with that gun. Really not smart. jasper should have just shot tsing instead

Oof a containment breach. wow what an epic door stop. Sooo loong tsing. That was such a cruel death tho but yeah she kinda deserved it.

Does Dante play the cello?? A real renaissance man isn’t he?

wow this makes octaiva and lincoln like an epic couple that conquered the world. power couple. Goals *gag* but ok does that mean that Lincoln just stopped cold turkey just like that?? Hes just automatically better? No this is not how drug addiction works. But ok sure Jan.

[muffystudies]

Quarantine tag game

I was tagged (kinda??) by @germanellewoods 

1. Are you staying home from work/school? yep.

2. If you’re staying home, who’s there with you? this might defeat the purpose of quarantining but i’ll try to explain as best i can. Right now i’m with my nan, pop, aunt and uncle, my three cousins, and J’s girlfriend at my uncle and aunt’s farm, but we’re split between two houses and a converted bus.

my nan and pop, being the most at risk, are living in the bus for now. Jo and my aunt and uncle are all still working as normal and are in the other house to prevent cross infection. J, N J’s girlfriend (who im gonna call S from now on) and I have the run of the main house. We still have family meetings most nights and have dinner together when we can, we just have to be careful about being seen all at once (the police came knocking cause they thought we were having a party but it was literally like 4 of us having a rave in the kitchen to 2000s pop.). 

also Jo won’t sop making Fire Emblem: Three Houses jokes. So thats something.

TL;DR: staying with like 8 other people, could be seen as slightly dodgy.

3. Do you have pets to keep you company? yes. My dog Benny and my uncle’s dog Lilly.

4. Who do you miss the most? since I’m quarantining with my entire fam, i’d say @cursedmybedroom . Love ya Liv!

5. When was the last time you left your home? This morning it was my turn to run errands since i had to sort out something at  the centrelink a few towns over.

6. What was the last thing you bought? usb adapter for my computer, and groceries.

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed? its not quarantine thats driving me nuts, its online uni.

8. Are you a homebody? yes.

9. What movies have you watched recently I watched Hidden Figures last night with my nan and pop, but im more of a tv show person imo

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled? My uni’s performance of Wicked. You can get free tickets to shows that the performing arts guys put on every few months if you’re a student at my university. I’m sure there’ll be others but I’ve wanted to see Wicked  for ages. Let’s just hope Legally Blonde isnt cancelled.

11. What’s the worst thing that you’ve had to cancel? J’s 21st.

12. What’s the best thing that you’ve had to cancel? I had two quizzes for a class that have now been merged into one and pushed back a few weeks!

13. Do you have any new hobbies? Nope!

14. What are you out of? milk.

15. What music are you listening to? mainly dance/edm, early 2010s pop and bands like Muse or Breaking Benjamin.

16. What shows are you watching? Castlevania and Stranger Things (for like the 50th time lmao)

17. What are you reading? Nothing except my textbooks rn tbh.

18. What are you doing for self-care? Video game nights with my cousins! Jo seems particuuarly insistent that he can kick my ass at Mario Kart (spoiler alert: he cant, doesnt stop him from trying tho). Besides that, we’re outlining a Castlevania AU that will probably never see the light of day, but its fun to plan out, unitl it gets angsty.

19. Are you exercising? There’s still chores and stuff to do around the farm but apart from tat i’m innundated in uni work so not really??

20. How’s your toilet paper supply? No idea lmao. I know there’s plenty at my place though.

21. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine? nope!

tagging @cursedmybedroom and anyone else who wants to do this.

[warmau]

Ooh can you do an au base of nct dreams' go mv?? Like them as rebellious teens or something like that?? It's fine if you're not comfortable with it, Still Thank You tho!!!

futuristic rebellious teens is something i can do!! (also all the people asking for bad boy!dreamies,,,,this is the closest i can give you LOL)

Mark 

leader of the “lost boys”, which is what the group of teenagers call themselves 

basically, they’re runaways that are anti-government and since they dont have anyone like parents or authorities to answer to - the job of protecting everyone fell onto the oldest

and,,,,as much as mark doesnt look the toughest or the scariest out of all of them in a long run - he is the most stable

with a natural knack for getting everyone out of sticky situations

and he’s no hacker like jaemin or salesman like haechan - he is the person everyone turns to for big decisions

like when they almost lost renjun in a street fight with some other teens,,,or when he was alerted that jisung was caught stealing and needed to somehow get bailed out 

mark, unlike any of the other members of lost boys, started off with a pretty normal teenhood 

but after the world started focusing less on humans and more on tech and money

he couldnt take it and promised he’d do something to help the world realize that being plugged in all the time was no way to live

he’s got “lost boys” tattooed on the inside of his wrist and even if he doesnt say it outloud - he’d gladly give himself up to save any of his other members

you’re kind of a rouge runaway - you don’t belong to a street group or anything like the “lost boys”

but you too aren’t exactly fond of authority - made obvious by the way you stand out

in a flood of other teens all dressed in their prim school uniforms or boring, copy and paste outfits for going out

you’ve got rips on your worn out jacket and your nose is stuck in a book rather than your phone

mark notices you right away - there’s empty seats on either side of you on the train

and everyone else keeps glancing suspicious looks your way that you don’t even bat an eyelash too

 “what a delinquent” “probably dropped out of school” “id never want to end up like that!”

are comments being thrown around - but you dont flinch

mark, on the otherhand, cant stand to hear it anymore

he makes his way through the crowded train and sits down beside you

without even looking up you mumble “don’t pity me. i know what they’re saying.”

mark is shocked at how easily you’ve seen right through his intentions,,,,but he doesnt get up

instead he tilts his head down to read the title of the book in your hand and smiles

“i remember that book when i was back in canada”

this sparks your interest, you move your gaze toward his and mark notices the pretty color of your eyes

“canada? how is it there?”

mark shrugs “i havent been back in a while.”

you shut your book, resting it on your lap

mark wonders if the bag with you is full of more books - you look like the type to carry pen and paper in a world where everything is digitalized

but that’s not bad,,,,mark likes that

“do you like reading? and not on your phone, i mean books.”

mark flushes a little in response, “i do but - ever since all the bookstores closed i havent really, you know,,,,been able to find any”

as he guessed, you fish another book out of the bag with you and plop it in his hands

somewhere in the train people have started whispering “oh now there’s two of them? two troublemakers up to no good!”

but you and mark both ignore them

“i dont know if you like historical fiction, but its all i have to give you now.”

mark touches the book, it’s been a long time since he’s held one. the last time he was in school, the textbooks had been chucked out for ipads

“ill be sure to return it to you.” 

you see the tattoo on mark’s hand and think ‘lost boys? ive seen that name around before’

the next stop is mark’s,,,,,but when he asks you where you’re going

you shrug and motion vaguely “i dont really go anywhere. i just,,,,,,,float around kinda,,,,,,”

the train begins to slow as it pulls into the station and just as the doors open, mark takes a hold of your wrist

he tugs you up and you stumble as he pulls you out of the train

“well then, why don’t you come with me.”

you stand and the wind from the train leaving blows you and marks hair everywhere

you both laugh 

the only two people in the whole station that are looking at one and other and not at their phones

and you nod

“ok, ill follow you for now.”

you say and mark lets his hand shyly slip from your wrist and into your palm, squeezing as he holds it warmly

Haechan

he’s nicknamed “the salesman” by the rest of the lost boys 

due to his ability to appeal to anyone and everything

in a world where everyone has access to the highest forms of technology 

to flying cars, personal androids, hologram phones

haechans charm is a skill both forgotten by most, but also when he turns it on he could sell someone a flip phone from the 00′s and make it look like its better than the current iphone52

for their group, haechan uses his skills mostly to buy from the black market 

the group doesnt have a real means of making money - but jaemin’s hacking ability, renjun’s capability with his hands, and chenle’s agility and fighting skills - can be sold for the right jobs 

and in many situations haechan has to figure out how to trade those talents for daily necceassities

although there are a couple of cafes with workers who are just,,,,,quite smitten with haechan’s adorable face,,,,that every now and then he can score some free good on the sides

but what really matters is when the group needs something like medicine 

or tech that has otherwise been banned by the government

haechan is the one to get it 

your father was an avid collector of old gaming systems, and after he went missing you inherited the boxes and boxes of all this old wiring and consoloes

and that’s how you got into selling it on the black market - after learning that a lot of it had been banned

so ,,, as a seller ,, you knew haechan

he didn’t have a bad reputation or anything - but he was different

for one thing, he had the words ‘lost boy’ tattooed below his ear and out of the usual customers on this market

he was pretty young,,,,,,,,and pretty different

you’d heard he was even friends with a renowned hacker and a teenager who was skilled in martial arts

both things that you just,,,,didn’t expect from the normal person

and although you’d never done business with him - you were surprised one afternoon to see him show up at your front door

your apartment,,,,,was covered in boxes from your fathers storage

haechan looked around, picking up this and that till he finally stumbled across some part of a system and went 

“this is what jaemin wants, are you selling it?”

you nod, “everything has a price.”

haechan grins, “i like the way you talk. so - how much?”

you name the amount and haechan’s grin falters

“and you’re not interested in,,,,,,anything but money? i know a guy who could hack into just about anything?”

you shake your head, “i dont need a hacker, i need to feed myself.”

haechan shrugs, “fair enough.”

he takes out a holographic card, the blue flashing screen lights up and the currency transfers from his name to yours

you thank him and haechan looks around a little more till he heads for the door

“by the way, do you live by yourself?”

you look down, your fathers disappearance has left you abandoned but you don’t really like to talk about it

the look on your face gives haechan enough of an answer

“you should come work with me, you have so much material and im assuming you’re good with tech too?”

you fidget, you’ve never really been one to be social

so being invited to ,,,, work with someone,,,,,especially haechan - you don’t know what to say

but suddenly you feel a warm hand on your shoulder and you look up to see haechan smiling

“c’mon, im not trying to bribe you or anything - but i think you’d be better off with us then all alone!”

you freeze a little,,,,,but haechan’s touch is warm

and his eyes are pouring into yours in a way that,,,you’ve never experienced before

“a,,are you only asking me to join because you want all of my dads stuff?”

haechan sighs, “you know - if it was anyone else in the world, id probably say yes. but it’s you and,,,,,,,,i like you,,,,,so no. im asking you to joing because you’re you.”

“yo-you like me?!?”

haechan grins, “i do, and as much as i like to think my charm works on people - you’ve successfully ignored me for a while until now.”

you furrow your eyebrows

“ignored?”

haechan starts counting on his fingers “there was that time i saw you with that other tech seller and i said hi and you just looked past me, ive also complimented your skills in tech before but you didn’t even look up at me and then-”

you put your hand over haechans to make him stop and to your surprise he interlocks your fingers

“so, will you join?”

you look around,,,,your home is nothing but a storage unit full of wires and memories of a painful past

and haechan is standing in the middle of it all like a beckon of light

so instead of pulling your hand away you nod, and let haechan pull you out into the bright world 

Jeno

the tagger of the group 

has always had an affinity for art, he’s actually the one who designed the lost boy tattooes

his is in a loop around his ankle bone

and even though the future has shifted its focus from man-made art to digitally created sculptre’s and paintings 

jeno enjoys working with his hands

and some of his work is graffiti 

mostly because the lost boys are rebels - and they cant just always be silently lurking in the shadows

so every now and then jeno has a “tagging project” 

where he makes the lost boys known through graffiti and sometimes it’s more than just the name of the group

it’s art,,,,,,it’s whatever jeno believes encompasses the values of the ‘lost boys’

you’ve always admired taggers,,,,,

you come from the upperclass - the people who embraced technological advancement and threw away all the hand painted, man made art that was passed down through generations

as a kid you remembered hearing the names of famous artists,,,,but as you got older

all you saw was digital art

no one talked about the movements, about modernism - impresionists

no one wanted to study the old art of egypt, of greece, of china

when one of your parents found you sketching to yourself on the terrace, they’d ripped the paper violently out of your hands

and replaced it with a tablet

“just tell it what you want to draw and it’ll do it for you”

you hated it, and whenever you saw tagged art out on the street - knowing it was drawn by someone 

by someone real, not some system built into a computer - it made you so happy

so to your amazement, you couldnt believe that you were seeing a tagger

when you stumbled upon jeno, hunched near a back alley wall - finishing up his new art for the lost boys

“i know you!” 

you couldnt help to blurt out, jeno turning to you - ready to dash for it 

but instead of the police he saw you, wide eyed and staring right at his art 

with a look that jeno,,,,had never really seen before 

is that,,,,admiration? 

you broke his thought as you stepped closer, touching the wall and jumping a bit

the paint was still wet and the tips of your fingers had turned red where you’d touched it

“im so sorry, i didn’t me-”

jeno smiles - he’s probably the least intimidating of the lost boys and he’s been told that his smile has some kind of power over people

instantly your nervousness calms and jeno hands you his brush

“you can just paint it over for me”

he suggests and when you touch the brush, a rush of electricity runs up your hand

it’s been so long since you’ve held a brush - let alone painted something by yourself

and jeno is watching you, careful and steady and realizes that like him

you’re a born artist

he lets you stay around to help him finish, even when the dark of night starts breaking into the morning

jeno steps back to admire your work and you notice that he isn’t wearing the usual clothes that you see around

from his ears dangle pretty jewelry that look as if they’re made from metal lying and simple things like paperclips or nails

he’s grinning and you see the way his jacket falls off his shoulders 

for a moment you think isn’t it possible that people can be art too?

when jeno turns to you he goes “you can’t tell anyone about this though, tagging is supposed to be anonymous,,,,”

jeno explains and you nod, slowly but then point out “but i always know your art from everyone elses. it’s distinct and unique,,,”

the flattery makes jeno’s heart skip

but before he can say much the familiar sound of sirens pull up down the street and jeno has to grab you and run so you two can get away without being seen

and when you both stop- pressed up together in another tight little alley you feel jeno’s heartbeat against your arm

it’s fast - probably from the running - but also probably from how close you two are ,,,,,,,,

“hey, if you want to do more art with my sometime,,,,ill be around. they’ll probably erase our tag by tomorrow so -”

you pull away from him when the coast is clear, but nod excitedly 

you pull out your holographic card, a small hologram that looks like you pops up and you tell it to transfer your data to jeno’s

he shyly waves you off and when you’re gone he pulls out his own holographic card

your hologram pops up again and jeno thinks the same thing you were a while ago

people,,,really can be art too,,,, 

Jaemin

a hacker

was supposed to actually work for the government as an intern engineer but ,,,, he decided to drop out of his prestigious high school and start well

hacking the government instead of protecting it 

he got into the lost boys when he met mark at a cafe - he thought mark was interesting

so naturally, he hacked into his holographic card only to understand that mark,,,,

really was hiding everything about himself quite well

so - after meeting with him (and apologizing for hacking him) jaemin joined

got his lost boy tattoo on the side of his finger 

he mainly hacks into large scale programs of the government that deal with citizen information

basically the government monitors people through the holograph card everyone carries around - and through their smartphones if they still have one

the lost boys believe that the government shouldnt have access to private info of people - because they exploit it

so jaemin’s whole task is to figure out how to shut down the whole system

of course,,,,that’s not going to happen in one sitting - he has to hack thousands of smaller networks

and gain information on governmental workers

and all without being traced so,,,,as usual he’s inside most of the time on the computer

he gets parts that haechan “buys” from people or that mark somehow manages to come by or that renjun builds

when the group needs extra funds he also sells his hacking ability under an alias on the black market

you are a well known hacker in the market as well - you and jaemi are probably the most sought out in the field

the only problem is ,,, you’ll do ANY job - even if it means working undercover for the government 

and jaemin disproves of that - so whenever you guys have contact he’s always like “you could do much better with your talents” and you’re like “im trying to put food on the table i dont care what my talents are used for”

and jaemin just,,,,cant get over your whole ‘i survive only for myself’ mentality 

it bothers him - he feels like there’s more to you,,,,that he just doesnt know

so one day - he decides he’s going to hack you 

and he knows he should feel guilty because hacking you is,,,,basically just doing what the government is already doing to others

but he’s just scared - what if something,,,,something bad is happening to you to make you this way

but of course - as soon as he attempts it

a billion firewalls pop up and his holographic card suddenly starts malfunctioning 

and suddenly there’s a message on his screen

and he doesnt even have to open it to know that your hologram is going to pop up and be like “jaemin. why are you hacking me?”

he freezes, “how do you know my name?”

you huff, “it wasn’t easy to guess. plus haechan has a big mouth. so,,,,why the sudden interest in my life?”

jaemin looks down, his dark eyes hovering over his keyboard until your hologram eggs him on to speak

“i just,,,i just wanted to know if everything is ok- recently ive heard you’ve been working with officials and i,,,,are you really ok with it for the money??”

it’s quiet on your end and jaemin waits until your hologram goes fuzzy - and then offline

and jaemin grabs at his holographic card, shaking it to see whats going on when another message appears

it’s an address

when jaemin arrives, you’re already there with a backpack over your shoulder

jaemin stares at it and then at you 

“what’s in there?”

“information.”

jaemin stares at it - then back at you

your face is half hidden by a facemask, you don’t make direct eye contact but jaemin can see

that you’ve got pretty features - that for some reason you’re trying to hide from him

he touches his own face, completely exposed to you and takes the backpack when you extend it

“don’t tell me you’re giving me the files the officials sent over to you-”

you shrug and jaemin can tell you’re smiling under the mask

“so you are a good person afterall,,,” he starts

and you look away,,,,suddenly your face is hot under the damn mask

when you and jaemin part ways 

jaemin is sure of whats in the bag - and when he gets back home all the lost boys crowd around him

and walla - all the files from the officials are in there

before he sits down to get to reading through some, jaemin finds a note stuck to one of the files

‘don’t try to hack me again. next time, just ask me out like a normal person’

jaemin blushes,,,,but picks up his holograph card - maybe you’ll be free on a weekend or something 

Renjun

his nicknames the “builder” 

he just,,,,really likes making things - and he can fix things as well

built a bike for haechan out of scrap garbage

fixes jaemin’s motherboards on the daily

chenle had asked for a staff to practice some martial arts with and it took renjun like two hours only to make it perfectly

he seems to just have the ability to touch something and understand how it works

but,,,like any lost boy,,, he doesnt exactly want to be building things and selling them for profit just to be used to hurt others

his lost boy tattoo is on the back of his neck

he really only talks to the lost boys - he doesnt really like making conversation with others

because he has a fear of,,,saying something and getting everyone else in trouble

but with his group he can definitely be a little ,,, sassy

“stop breaking things and making me fix them, and if you dont - learn to fix them yourself.”

“but renjun i cant fix-”

“but renjun is now gonna take a nap, goodnight!”

haechan is known for being the sociable one,,,,so he’s always the one going out getting everyone odd jobs or food

but one afternoon he asks renjun to go pick up some food from this cafe where one of the workers knows haechan

at first renjun refuses, he wants to stay home and tinker with these new electronics mark just brought to him

but it’s haechan - and even renjun cant lose an argument with him

so renjun ends up outside of this cafe after closing

where he meets you - he comes out of the back carrying a couple of brown bags full of extra food

and when renjun sees you - it’s like time stops

it’s been a while since renjun has looked at anyone and you - you look like,,,,,,,,,an angel

you bring the bags out and sigh sadly, “not a lot this time,,,,the owner is sort of one to me”

you say and hand them to renjun who almost drops them out of pure shock

“are you ok?”

you ask, helping him steady himself as you tuck your hair back and stare

renjun nods slowly

“by the way - who are you, haechan said that ‘the builder’ was going to come. is that you?”

again, all renjun can do is nod

you nod too “what do you build?”

“a-anything.”

your eyes go wide and renjun is taken by the color of them

“anything?! woah - that’s amazing!”

renjun can feel the weight of the bags - but once you say that it’s like they disappear and all he can feel and hear is your voice

“id love to see your creations sometime -”

you start, but a voice from inside calls you back in

you wave and renjun doesnt even have the strength to say anything back as he watch - like slow motion - you disappear inside

a couple of days pass and renjun feels like he cant build ANYTHING 

until,,,finally he starts a little something

and finds himself waiting outside the cafe one night as you come out with your bag over your shoulder

your holographic card in your hand, showing you the weather and what not

till you look up and rush over to renjun 

“oh - the builder! what’s up?”

renjun pulls something out of his pocket and sets it in your hand

you open it and ,,, out of metal wiring and whatnot is a butterfly

whose wings buzz slightly when you touch it and you look back up at renjun

“did you make this?”

“for you.”

renjun finally speaks and you flush, looking at it and grinning

“you really can build anything, this is so cute!”

renjun blinks and doesnt really know what to say until natrually he just goes

“you’re cuter”

you both get slightly embarrassed, but you tuck the butterfly safely into your bag and reach out for renjun’s hand

he lets you take it and doesnt even question where you’re going to take him

even this silhouette our back is beautiful 

he could look at it forever 

Chenle

he doesn’t have a real nickname,,,,but he’s kind of the brawn of the group

and believe me,,,,everyone looked at him on his first day and was like “you can fight? but you,,,,,you’re so skinny”

and chenle was like, try to land a punch on me then

no one could

and rather then strength, chenle has honed the ability of agility and stealth

and when needed - he’s a great person to be a bodyguard or protector 

because no one suspects him coming

other than his fighting ability though,,,,he can be scatter headed and has numerous times found himself lost in the city

having to call haechan or mark to get him

he has also done dumb things like tripped over alley cats or gotten himself accidentally bruised when he walked into a pole because he was too focused on this good looking cake in a store window

but that aside - chenle really is capable of some amazing things

his lost boy tattoo is on the part right below his ribcage

chenle also sometimes has a habit of sticking his nose into unsolicited business

so when you find yourself cornered - a group of other street teens are trying to get you to give over your holographic card so they can sell it 

well

chenle can’t just walk by

and ,,, although he does have the element of surprise there’s like five of these teens

and you know chenle is in trouble when he’s on the ground with a little bit of blood coming out of his nose

so you just toss your holographic card toward one of them and tell them to back off of him

happy with getting what they want, they leave you and chenle alone

you scramble over, checking his face here and there and panicking because

you cant take him to a hospital - you’re both street teens

and you dont have anything on you to stop the bleeding 

so all you can do is kind of hold your hand over chenle’s nose and tell him to tilt his head so it stops

and when he’s all good - just bruising and not bleeding

he looks at you and sheepishly goes

“,,,,,sorry you had to give up your holograph card”

you shrug “nothing important on it anyway.”

chenle looks at you, his clear skin riddled in red bruises and tiny cuts

and he feels bad just,,,,leaving you

after he tried to help but just ended up making things worse

so he invites you to come with him

you, of course, say no. you’re not going to join some stranger

even if this stranger is cute

and did try to help you

but chenle just rolls up his shirt (much to your shock - your hands go right up to your face to hide your eyes)

to show off the lost boys tattoo

and you’re like wait,,,i know that tattoo - you guys are that group against the government

and chenle is like yep! if you want, you can join us - i mean anyone who throws their holograph card away like that must not really like what the government is doing huh

and you shrug, you don’t care either way but ,,,the idea of belonging to a group instead of being all alone

is kind of nice

plus chenle ,,,, doesnt seem all that bad 

and when you guys show up together jaemin is like whose this and haechan is quick to question you

but chenle explains what happens and mark, ever the nice boy, lets you stay

out of curiosity, jisung comes over to talk to you and chenle shoos him away

“they’re with me”

jisung raises an eyebrow “aren’t they part of our group - so they’re with everyone?”

you blink confused, missing the spark in chenle’s eyes and the whisepred

“that’s not how i meant it jisung, now go away!”

jisung gets the message and scurries off, but you’re still ? until chenle is like OW geez this bloody nose hurts if only i could lay my head on someones lap,,,

you: you can lay your head on m-

chenle: thank you. 

the camera zooming in on haechan: corny

Jisung

the youngest and the ‘wild card’ of the group 

mark had forbid him from getting the lost boys tattoo because he’s a kid but jisung still managed to get it 

mark was mad but jeno pointed out that hey, unless it didn’t get infected or anything like that

his tattoo is right above his elbow

he’s a wild card because no one in the group really knows if jisung understands what the lost boy cause is

or if he just likes getting into it with other street groups and causing a ruckus 

out of everyone he likes piercings the best - knows a guy named ten in town who does them on the low

since society has kind of forbid people from having anything but their ears pierced

jisung looks wild with his hair a mess and his nose pierced

(again - the piercing did almost give mark a heartattack but jeno was again like at least it’s not his tongue right?)

(jisung definitely plans to get his tongue pierced though)

you’ve seen jisung around - he likes to cause trouble

alone or with his group

you see him a lot when you’re on your way to class, he likes to hang out with the tagger jeno

or sometimes you just see him trying to badmouth off to adults who tell him he looks ‘scary’

you try to ignore it - you don’t want to meddle with anything or anyone that could get you in trouble

but,,,,,jisung thinks you’re interesting

sometimes he’ll just end up walking beside you, leaning over to play with a strand of your hair

offers to carry your books which you just snatch away

he once asked you if you’d ever want to go see him get another piercing and you made a face

that you thought meant disgust - but which jisung called “just adorable”

and no matter how much you say he’s not your type

he’s the opposite of it

there is something magnetic about him

he’s nothing like other boys around 

and the one time some other dude had tried to come onto you in the street - jisung had showed up and made no big deal out of getting into the dudes face and telling him to

“get his dirty hands right off them”

you tried to act unimpressed,,,,but you were thankful and even let jisung keep his arm around you

the problem was,,,,you think after that,,,,you’ve actually fallen for jisung

so when he doesnt show up on your walk to class one day you start panicking 

and you go around - asking if anyone’s seen him

everyone asks why in the world you’re worried about a kid like him and you try to make excuses

until you leave a shop and bump right into jisung

who gives you a smile and flicks your forehead lightly and goes

“heard you were all worried about me, does that mean someone is in love?”

you huff and brush past him

“i just wanted to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed -”

jisung pulls you around a corner and you look around with paranoia that someone might see 

but jisung just makes you look back at him and before you know it he’s kissing you

and you squirm and he pulls back and goes “don’t like it?”

and you just cant hide the look on your face so you go

“it’s fine - but do it somewhere private i dont want the whole world to see!”

“what, that you’re kissing a lost boy? a dirty street kid?”

you push at him gently, but jisung abides by your wish and pulls you somewhere quieter where he kisses you again - softly

and you think fine whatever so you do like him and he is a good kisser

and as long as no one finds out,,,it should be alright,,,,,,maybe?!?

jisung that day coming back home with a big goofy smile on his face, jaemin just turns around and is like

“i hacked your holograph - says you kissed your crush today.”

jisung: “sTOP haCKING MY LIFE,,,,but yeah i kissed them and jaemin. i think im in love”

haechan: oh no an idiot in love the world better watch out jkjk 

[softkimnamjoon]

my notes when i watched the fake love mv

(this is so long oh my god i really tried to cut as many notes as possible but idk everything just seemed important

also some of these are supeerrrrrr obvious please bear with me)

flower in a jar/cage thing

the curtains in jins room are pink and the room is white

on the floor of the room in a fallen lamp (theres a reason i wrote this down aosdfju)

jin closes the curtain and the shot switches so we can see jk’s face disappearing into blackness as if a curtain was being drawn over him (wow karri poetic writing and totally not obvious from a cinematic perspective)

Side Note: there are 7 sets of curtains and they were all closed except the one jin closed in the beginning.. which is now closed (presumably)

taekook dance which featured a move which looked like tae was helping jk up by lifting him with his body

jin standing in the middle of the white room when the walls smash in. he covers the flower jar with his body (to protect it)

the debris isnt... debris. its lots and lots of ripped paper and you can see theres text on them but you cant read it

the scene changes to namjoon standing in a warehouse looking place that reminds me of where he was in the reflection short film

he’s standing in front of a mirror

a quick front shot of namjoon with his arm over his eyes. im mentioning this bc it has a weird pink distortion over it that reminds me of bs&t. (also pink is the colour of jins curtains and that feels important for some reason)

shot of jk fading through a keyhole, probably just a reference to him getting a key from the magic shop in teaser 1

hobi is in a room with lots of childrens toys particularly small carousels and carousel horses. it seems likely to me that this is because in the love yourself highlight vid his mum left him at a fair in front of a carousel.

he hits the very likely to be locked door with something and i cant tell what it is??? a small metal rod of some sort

Side Note: hobi being in a locked room and wanting to get out is also a focus theme in the mama short film

hobi and jk do a lil dance together in the chorey and they both do an action to each other thats strongly associated with telling someone off

a snickers bar falls through a hole in hobis door (this shot was actually really fast i had to go back and pause quite a few times to get it)

jimins standing in a dance practice room like in the ly highlight vid (you can tell by the mirror and ballet bar in the corner of the shot)

hes also standing next to a sink.. which is weird.. in my experience theres never been a sink in any of my dance practice rooms

jungkook is in complete darkness but hes kneeling over a fucking glowing book and reading it i guess (??? bts explain)

the shot switches between jin standing up from protecting the flower jar and jk standing up from reading the glowing book

the flower jar doesnt have a flower anymore but its got some sand in it now. jin walks away from the sand jar (leaving the room entirely im pretty sure)

scene moves to jk running towards a slightly ajar door with a light emitting from it (which is a concept we’ve also come to know from the awake short film)

jk runs through the door and right into the wall of a hallway. he immediately starts running left

theres a shot of tae standing in a strange room with what looks like phones and empty picture frames hanging from the walls

he’s also holding a phone and looking at the screen. the shot moves very close to his face and his eyes widen at whatever he sees on the phone

jk is running through the corridor as the floor falls behind him (to me it feels like a metaphor.. like hes running away from something inevitable)

taes phone turns to sand and falls through his fingers

jk is standing at the end of the corridor and in front of what i thought was a painting but is in fact a very very dirty mirror

Side Note: jk’s shirt says “blank mirror” on it. there sure is a lot of shit going on with mirrors in this story line

(ok this is getting ridiculous im putting a read more, pease keep reading tho ajsfhwhr)

the shot pans down from jks mirror shot through the floor to tae standing in that strange room

behind tae in the middle of the arch is “save me” and upside down it reads “im fine”

all the phones on the walls light up and flicker

it goes back to namjoon who is standing in front of the mirror. he raises his arm as if hes going to touch it

shot switches to jk whos doing the same thing to the mirror at the end of the corridor

back to namjoon again and this time its at an angle that we can see his reflection. his reflection is different to him. his reflections hair is slicked back and is wearing a cheetah style jacket (similar or the same as the one jimin was wearing in the dance room shot)

theres also a red/white badge on his reflections jacket but its too small to see if anythings on it

nj walks toward the mirror and the shot moves through the wall

on the other side of the wall yoongi is sitting at a piano

theres a broken lamp on the ground again like in jins room

yoongi throws a guitar (im pretty sure its a guitar correct me if im wrong) at the piano which mirrors the scene in the run mv where he throws a chair at a mirror

hobi is still in the locked room with the toys but now hes lying on a huge pile of snickers

theres a very quick shot of jk in the corridor from the mirrors perspective

jk looks through the cracks of the boarded up hole under the mirror and sees yoongis room with yoongi sitting in an armchair looking at the piano

yoongi turns behind him to see flames appear then disappear from behind the boarded up windows (this part isnt from jk’s perspective) he then looks at the fireplace

jimin turns off the tap in the dance room sink

jk walks towards a man-made/artificial waterfall which has 3 sections

theres a pile of sand and the flower-turned-sand jar on the ground

jk kneels to pick up two handfuls of sand

the shot moves to show the shadow of jks hands on the wall. we see the sand falling through his fingers but also something that looks like petals (but is actually pieces of ripped pages) flying out of his hands. (this part reminds me strongly of the just one day mv)

jk stands up and watches the paper pieces flying away

a tunnel starts to pull out from the waterfall towards jk

jimin stands in the middle of the dance room as water pours from 3 vents high up and to the left and right of his head (1 on left 2 on right) ((i think this is definitely connected to jimin turning off the tap but idk how/why))

the fireplace in yoongis room suddenly bursts into flames engulfing the piano (among other things)

hobi curls in on himself in the same way jin does in the i need u mv and the awake short film

yoongi smirks at the flames in front of him (this seems important since jimin kept a neutral expression the whole time)

jk starts walking towards the tunnel in the waterfall

Side Note: this isn’t really imporant but jin looks so good in this mv i love him

tae is walking around staring at the flickering phones on the wall. i cant read his expression it seems to range between fear/wonder/awe/curiosity

he suddenly focuses on something on one side of the room (here we go boys this connects to the ‘tae is the hooded figure’ theory)

shot goes to jk starting to open a pair of doors (which are assumed to be in the tunnel)

goes back to tae but this time hes looking at the ‘save me’ sign in the arch

in the chorey tae and jimin walk around each other then past one another while holding each others arms.

Side Note: jimin turns his head to look back at tae but tae just looks at the floor in front of him

jk walks through the doors into jins white room. 

jin isn’t there anymore. all the curtains are closed. theres still paper on the floor from the explosion. there are 6 coat racks (there could be 5 but im pretty sure theres 6) in the middle of the room (from singularity)

jk walks over to the coat racks and you can see over his shoulder a figure wearing a dark cloak/hood. (there are pictures of tae wearing this cloak with the hood down and BOY)

in the chorey jin and jk stand facing each other with the other members in a circle around them. both jin and jk have their hands raised as if theyre reaching for something

the other members run forwards very close around jin and jk and freeze around them with heads lowered

at the very last second jk drops his head and his hand and leaves jin reaching up alone.

OKAY FINALLY THATS IT. 

thanks for reading all the way through please let me know if anythings wrong or if you have anything else to add!

[get-the-treasure]

school log #1

9-5-17

Happy last ‘first day of high school’ I’m finally a senior let’s fuck shit up.

Assembly: i came in and first went to hug taylor cause jahsbfjfaks i havent seen her all summer nd did i tear up? yeah kind of lmao i missed taylor sm what a gem. then i went by like. the squad (for memory reasons: ???? ppl on the side, jade, bean, yadi, eren, rye showed up, dalon showed up, sammy showed up, ashley showed up, might be missing someone?). eren gave me a bitching smoothie (bless ty) nd i think we all just talked like we normally would. its nice to just slip into normal conversation with people wou havent seen in what feels like forever.

Hour 3 (Homegroup): sat in hg for like 2 hours. we got some new freshman of whom i only can name 3 because i missed the others names. nd i also only kno one of the sophomores by name cause i forgot the others. maybe we should talk w maya sometime? ive seen her around a few times and she looks like shes mostly alone? we got our lockers too. sike some middle schoolers took our lockers and now we have to wait until tomorrow to figure out if we can get them b a c k. then i knocked over the smoothie eren gave me nd like a little came out but not much so um thanks god. we filled out this helping sheet thing that were going to be checked on every monday soooo better keep up on work i guess. also there was a lot of talk of grilled cheese up the ass???

Hour 1 (AP Bio): i turned in my poster board and we just went over the same rubric we went over when i signed up for the class smh. doesnt seem like itll be hard tho? sammy might have to drop it if she doesnt do her entire thing over and turn it in tomorrow and even then he might say no. so heres to hoping. also sabastion sat by our table nd honestly w h y do we have to have mutual friends i hate my life.

Hour 2 (ROPE): went over like oNLY the autobiography part of the rope packet tbh. also amy said we should know who our thesis paper advisors are but 1. i didnt even know what the thesis paper was and 2. the day ended and i still have no idea who my thesis advisor is weLL GUESS ILL SUFFER. im worried i wont have a good autobiography and that i wont be able to keep up with rope, but if i just dont goof around (lol) then it shouldnt be a  w  f  u  l. i notice a big student mood is being like ‘i want to die’ when school starts but christ its not rlly that bad? u get a normal ish sleep schedule, its easier to hang out w friends imo, and the work isnt even that hard you just have to pay attention and do it. it kind of bugs me honestly when school breathes and someones like THIS IS THE WORST THING ON EARTH FUCK SCHOOL FUCK ALL THE WORK THIS SUCKS cause its literally not that bad if you just idk. dont goof off all the time. sometimes u can goof off im sure everyone does sometimes. just. do ur work nd dont get so uppity about it. also idk if nyone will even read these but this isnt directed at anyone.

Hour 4 (English 12): our class is huge lmao. sammy and i got seats by jimmy, josselin, and ariel but i think eren wants us to get to class earlier tomorrow so we can sit together w yadi at the back of the room. but we get out of hg when peter lets us out soooo we cant rlly control when he lets us out.

Lunch: there was a lil spider where i sit so i kind of shooed him away so i could sit and i ended up cramping a lot. the worst part abt school imo is the chairs are just as hard as the floor and i have awful pelvis issues so my entire lower half starts to freeze and lock up and it hurts rlly bad getting up or shifting after sitting still for a while, so i fidget a lot and shift positions a lot so i can try and reduce the pain. nyways i played music nd sidney nd alexis sat down by us and theyre really quiet (whenever i would see them in the halls on the way to class and they had a free hour or it was lunch nd id see them they were always quiet then too) and sidney left her chapstick and i hope she remembered to grab it (i told her at the assembly at the end of the day because i forgot to grab it to give back to her). i cant rlly remember what else happened honestly??? thats of noting at least.

Hour 5 (Free): eren and i are probably going to sit in michelles room for this hour since she has chairs and 3 hours in a row on the floor is going to bust my ass so bad. eren started doing work but we ended up just talking and eating and listening to a vine comp.

Hour 6 (Free): sammy came down and we did basically the same as the previous hour but more talking and laughing. i cant remember what we talked about tho?? or nything else?? (edit: we tlaked about fucking and spanx)

Hour 7 (Government): eren sammy nd i had put our stuff down in michelles room early to save our spots (but i bet ill be the only one still at the table tomorrow because they have to go to the front) and then eren nd i left to go to the bathroom then fill sammys water bottle and by the time we came back in michelle was like ‘please arrive on time’ like 1 we were in here first nd 2 the bathroom was packed nd were supposed to go between classes i couldnt piss any faster thanks tho. we got the syllabus and an intro to the class/classroom and thank god jared isnt in this class fuckkkk. also we have to do debates like in front of the class?? no t h a nk you i hate it

Hour 8 (Advanced Drawing/Painting): we just sat around ny amy was like ‘heres what well do’ but ariel sammy nd i basically talked the entire time we all know how art works.

Assembly: a final assembly to wrap everything up with all grades together (since middle nd high had separate assemblies this morning) and i dont kno if we got any important information i think it was just things only 6th graders nd new students need to know cause we hear the same spiel every year. then i guess we all left??? 

After School: my dad picked me up and hell be picking us up every day from now on (unless like smthn comes up u kno its whatever). he didnt say anything on the ride home unlike when he and mom would both pick us up and theyd both ask a lot of questions. i thought he was angry and i ended up being right. he and my mom got into a bad argument she told me later on and now shes changing the locks so he doesnt have a key. its kind of upsetting how she said i should be civil with like whoever my parents may end up dating nd the entire family and whatnot but she (vise versa) cant even be civil with him or the rest of our family so??? nice example you set for your kids, parents. anyways my dad is also apparently switching up stuff he says like what hell pay and what theyll keep asset wise and how theyd cooperate for our sake and now hes changing what he said during court and all this mess and i feel like hes doing it to spite my mom but hes also spiting us in the process because we rely on our mom. ughhhhh this is stupid difficult to deal w id rather just not have to hear this stuff but moms always on the phone talking about anything and everything and were forced to hear. nyways lol

[matthew-eleventhirty]

so i spoke to jill and this is the first time she didnt completely bitch on me, like i told her about the blog and what i kinda wrote and how its gotten so repetitive but helps me deal with the fact i cant text you all this stuff. she asked if i would ever show you and i said no unless you didnt believe me when i say i still love you or if say we were to get back together and we were like hanging out and you needed some reassurance that i still love you so much and that you are more than enough for me. i told her that these are all raw feelings and some things i would be hesitant to let you read but i feel that i shouldnt hold back my experience especially since this is how i always felt. i told her that i mentioned i never felt 100% comfortable around your family and she said okay maybe then dont show him. i told her that its not something youve never known and how ive always been so honest with you. like when your mom was talking about politics and i kinda tensed up and you took over the convo or when i went to vanessas house and when i was in a convo you would jump in. at first i hated it it drove me crazy because i was trying to get to know them but after you told me its because you knew that was a hard thing for me to do. and she said that was absolutely adorable of you. she also said that she misses you a lot. she misses sitting on the couch while we watch “stupid” shows and you explaining every little detail. it was cute. i wasnt the only person who loves and misses you, my family loves and misses you too. she just didnt want to tell me earlier because she didnt know how i would react. she also said somehting to me that made me feel a lot better about this whole thing. if im being honest, ive gotten really crazy, like whenever i go on insta i always check to see if youre on too. its weird but comforting its the only thing i have of you actively still. im so sorry if i do end up showing you this and you think im crazy but maybe i am? but anyway i stayed up all night the day before my chem final studying and i noticed you werent on for a while so i figured you went to sleep. i never ever post stories to my finsta and i did this night so i wanna say a notification went out mentioning that i posted a story. you were the second person to see it so i guess once you saw the notification you checked. it made me feel better about this, like maybe you were checking to see if i was out or how i was doing or something, but it felt like okay he still cares. when i told jill that she agreed with me on how you still cared and that it was good. i just wish i knew how you felt. i dont want to be the fool who was waiting this whole time to find out you actually didnt care. but jill also brought up a good point that i havent thought of in a while. when i was freaking out and going through our texts over and over and over again, the words you chose whether you thought about them or not did show a little of your intentions. it was just the actions that threw me. but words like “separated” and “if you want to end it all completely” and how you really need this for you. i just read over our messages, im sorry i was so mean and selfish, i just going through the motions ya know? every day felt like forever and i do still wake up every morning hoping for a call from you. i just never knew how i could get through another day without talking to you. i think the only reason i havent called yet was because this is keeping me from it. jill said that you probably do wanna call me or text me, but youre nervous to because we agreed at the end of the semester. youre probably sitting there hoping id call you too in the back of your head and maybe were both sitting here like uuhh end of the semester. the way she talked to me tonight it feels like right after your last final youll call.. it would be really cool if you did. i mean then we could figure everything out. it seems like a much bigger possibility that you would need more time, but i just want to hear your voice again. i wanna see you i wanna give you a hug and pull any sadness or worry out of you. i wanna be on talking terms with you because i definitely do not like this. i cant see you jumping for the phone once you get out, but i could see you thinking about it. reading over our messages i hate myself. i was so mean to you i was so selfish i wasnt as understanding as i was right away compared to a few days later. i wanted to but i just felt this huge weight on my heart and i felt it breaking and i had no idea what to do. i hope you havent moved on. i hope im still yours in your head. maybe at first glance i have been showing you that i moved on, but look a lil deeper. i havent, in fact i think i miss you more now than ever before. its been a month and i still think about you every day and still wanna love you and get married and have babies. if that was too quick for you im sorry, i just never saw a future with someone more than you. i was really really selfish. i mean i kept thinking about the work ive done and discrediting all the things that you have done for yourself. it takes courage to let someone you love go for the sake of yourself. it doesnt sound courageous it sounds obvious to do but it is not an easy task. i mean that aside everything else youve done. im looking at it as okay this is what you have this is what you have to do, but its probably much easier to say to do it than to actually have it and get it done. i probably shouldve recognized that more. i mean i see it first hand every day. but i cannot stress how proud i was and how proud i still am of you trying therapy trying to get a schedule trying to do the thing that you have to do for yourself all while working to keep me happy. thank you for that. it took me a little bit longer to see and its not something thats easy for me to stay completely calm with because of the type of relationship we have, but please know that i do want to. i didnt want to put the blame on you above having to work with you for this for so long for you to dump me. i should have never added that burden onto you. i never would take back those six months, i never would ever want you to think i just did that because we were in a relationship, i want you to know that i did try working with you because i wanted to. it was brave of you to tell me all these things. youre very prideful and i can only imagine what it took for you to even bring this stuff up with me. i should have been much more level-headed and understanding. i wish i could have made you happier, i wish i couldve been a stronger girlfriend for you, i wish you didnt have to go through all of that alone for so long. im happy you told me though, im happy you were mature enough to do something so risky for the sake of you and us. it shows me who you are as a person. (just next time can we try to work together, im just thinking hypotheticals but if we were married or had a family and needed time to step back... i dont know how that would play out.) for that tho im praying you learned a new way to calm yourself down when things got overwhelming or maybe a new hobby so if you started to feel sad or needed time away from life you werent just sitting in bed becuase although that might feel great it does more damage than anything else. im praying you learned more about what causes this, whether its a big paper coming up, or a grade thats expected, or maybe you slipped in one class and now youre slipping in another that makes you not want to do any work. something so that when it does happen you can be like no i know this pattern lets try to subside it. thats ultimately what i want you to be able to do and maybe this break was what you needed the most. i should've known better tho, i shouldve known that you werent yourself and things were off and it wasnt something wrong with me but something wrong with you. i mean the signs were there. not jillian or carols signs but they were there. i cant wait to hear about everything that youve done! im so excited to hear form you again. i hope its sooner rather than later, but either way id be happy. i love you so much and ill always love you with all of my heart, never think that i wont please.

[conanenable-blog]

Finished part 1 today which was the english proficiency component. You could say it was tough or not depending on how you viewed it.

I am really concerned about my loose stools. It hasnt gotten any better. I cant quite identify if there is a food source. There are days when it is fine but more often than not its loose. Maybe 3-4 times a day. I think if it doesnt resolve this time in HK I will visit my GP. It doesnt make much sense tho I dont see blood nor do I have any other symptoms. I dont even have abdominal pain just the occasionally increased sensation that i need to poop. I used to poop 1-2x a day. I hope its just the anxiety with the exams etc.

Anyway I didnt end up talking to anyone. Im sure quite a number of these guys have past papers urgh. There was a china man blatantly cheating before the test started. He basically opened the question book and looked at it. I was like wow. I think this is a cultural difference. Its kinda what you are used to right? Im sure if everyone did that around me and it wasnt stopped I would have been doing that too.

Anyway. The exam was 4 parts. First 2 were true and false 10 questions each and the latter 2 were open ended.

First question was just refering to an attached guideline and true and false. Second was reading an article on sleep and true and false. 10 points each. Minus one for incorrect. I should have all 20 points here so i would have passed.

Of course there is space for carelessness.

The other part surprised me a little because I assumed it was only an english proficient test. But remarkably it was two cases.

The first made me quite worried. It was a 30yom with loose stools 4xday plusminus hematochezia x 3weeks with weightloss. Ok fine there is the hematochezia component. Quite different from me. But anyway it asked for ddx. Which for me was bacterial viral parasitic celiac lactose ibd ibs cancer less likely pud fissure hemorrhoids. And what questions would you ask. I was a little confused because the history provided was pretty sufficient so i assumed it meant pmh psh meds all fhx shx.

It was only worth 5 points so i dont know where they grading this.

Then the second 5 points was to write a letter of referral. Well i know where im being referred to but i have no idea how to write a letter. Ive just called them usually...

So i just wrote. Thanks for taking care of our last pt would appreciate if you can help with this too. Basically gave them the blurp plus my brief ddx of ibd v cancer and said i was attaching a few studies. And opened up to further questions.

Last question was apparently salmonella typhi bacteremia because they gave the lab results. They asked for ddx and workup and treatment prior to the lab results and basically since it was abd pain plus fever with neg cxr i decided to panculture plus possible us gb ovary and appendix if labs indicated.

I didnt really know whether i was gonna treat without a source but since the labs came back positive i decided to just say i was treating from the offset with broad spectrum given high fever.

The second part was filling out a lab sheet to report infections disease. Salmonella is typhoid fever right? What annoyed me was that there was a section to fill the hospital code and there was a couple numbers here and there and i didnt knpw which one it was. Then there was also the reporters phone and fax whixh wasnt listed anywhere so i just crossed it out. The ordering doctor was also YOUR, Name and i couldnt figure out it that meant to use my real name or YOUR, Name. I asked but the invigilator who was an old lady who didny rewlly speak english clearly wasnt going to be too helpful because she thinks this is some sort of english proficiency thingy.

I just left it as your name. I just found it very odd that i was very impressed theu would go double blind the examiners and examinees and end up having uou write your real name on the paper. They double blind because each examinee has a number but on the ansee booklet uou only put your table number which is different everyday so clearly ita double blinded.

Anyway she wouldny answer me and I had already double checked so i submitted it around 45mins early and left. The walk was long i fulfilled my steps already. I wont be wearing dress shoes next time. Super uncomfortable.

I went back ro mong kok its wuite a trip 45mins. Google was pretty accurate i was impressed. Puf my stuff down changed my shoes and went for lunch. Just across the street there was a small shop. Had beef tendon noodles for 21 bucks. Wth. It was a small bowl but decent size and 21 bucks is kinda cheap. Felt the tendon wasnt cleanest had some small hair left on it which i scrapped off. But at 21 bucks cant complain. Then bought soy sauce chicken rice for dinner. 35 bucks. Wtf. So cheap. Was scammed last time round 54 bucks wow. Different shop fronts tho. This one was clearly super old school the man was just naked and sweating lol.

Then had a uni handroll 38bucks. Wow. Smallest vut most expensive. So it was a nice photogeaphic piece but there was bitterness to it. Its a big nice looking. Too bsd its bitt3r. Not sure it i want it again. Bitter is rewlly a disappointment for uni. Not sweet is the minimum.

Also bought conditioner and face wash. Plan to just regurgitate all these graphs and tables in my head today. Its already quite memorized.

Then walk through first aid and the 2016 2017 maybe 2015 papers over the weekend. Also adjusting my sleep schedule to a more regular wake up.