#he did not make the best decisions in his life

[onthecrescentofthehill]

it’s funny when ppl talk about the harpy omelet scene and say things like “why did he do all of that? he didn’t need to. JUST doing that for laios???” (seen these nearly verbatim on posts i’ve made.)

i don’t really get how you can hear his backstory & not understand that every decision he makes within the dungeon is fueled by a profound trauma borne out of horrific, structural negligence. of course he would do fucking anything to enact his plan? if he computes “getting in laios’s favor = proxy control of the dungeon” and he has very limited time to do so, he will jump at the chance. he’s already DIED for this.

kabru has maybe the clearest possible motivation that a character can have. he has a Protagonists Motivation, and it guides him forward in a very coherent way in the beginning of the story. things get more complicated in later acts that directly address how that motivation manifests itself/gets contradicted, bc ryoko kui is great at exploring this, but it’s still extremely present.

and as a labru fan i strongly dislike the implication i see from some ppl that his interest in laios is mostly personal or romantic (posts that range from pure joke to actual ship meta.) even when taking the “confession” at face value, where i think he was telling the truth, there’s still a lot more to it than that. i think at first kabru does see laios as a means to an end in a way that’s impersonal, partly because he tends to keep everyone in his life at arms length. but that “end” (preventing history from repeating itself) is something foundational to his psyche, and we should consider that potential sense of safety getting mixed in with his warring fascination/apprehension towards laios. he’s drawn to him for visceral reasons, and his stated motivations are so intertwined with his sense of self that untangling this push-pull is much more interesting than boilerplate Yearning, to me.

it’s just confusing when any meta or basic discussion of kabru diminishes the weight utaya has on his inner world and i’m really surprised every time i see it? like i understand that different types of meta will put other lenses on things intentionally, and in most cases i think it’s an interesting tool to work with. but it’s a massive disservice to his character to put the most foundational experience of his life on the back burner ESPECIALLY when it’s in favor of shipping. dissecting character relationships, romantic or otherwise, is at its best when you have their full personhood in mind!!

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hello! Hope you're okay :D

First your writeing it's so good and i love it, and this is mu first time asking you for a request :)

So idk if you aleady did this, i don't remember reading it but i wanted to know how do you think Damian would react when he finally meet his brothers partner?

When JASON borough you home, Damian wasn’t certain whether he was seeing the same perpetually annoying Jason, especially when he watched him look at you as though you were the only one in the room.

It was something completely new, for as long as Damian could remember Jason was a man who held great resentment and anger within himself, which often resulted in making him prone to rash decisions and act out on his self destructive tendencies. So seeing him smile with you, laugh with you, joke with you was a side to him that only Dick had told him stories about.

Damian wasn’t fond of trusting anyone outside of his own family, but he’d be stupid to not see that you were an extremely positive influence on Jason, and soon found himself hoping that his brother wouldn’t be the one to fuck this up via self sabotage. However he didn’t have to fear that being the case when he saw the way Jason seemed more at peace by your side then he ever did in his entire life, his shoulders were no longer hunched and the furrow in his brow was less prominent, his jaw was no longer clenched and is more relaxed.

It was as though Damian was looking at a completely different person and he couldn’t help but find himself being thankful to you for having such unwavering patience with Jason and secretly hopes that you continue to do so for the nearby future. Damian could clearly see that you helped Jason through the moments that he wouldn’t dare bring up to his own family and while that hurt, he’s glad that Jason wasn’t alone with his thoughts anymore and was able to carve out a future with you.

‘They’re good for you Todd.’ Damian said once you were out of earshot.

‘I’ve known that since the moment they didn’t shy away from my scars and brokenness.’ Jason told his little brother.

‘You’re not broken.’ Damian corrected as he saw the look upon Jason’s face as he looks at you play with Titus, ‘ you’re healing.’

When TIM brought you home Damian didn’t know that he even got a partner, he didn’t bother to think that Tim was capable of engaging in a romantic relationship with anyone, given how co-dependant he was with that stupid laptop of his.

Damian understood that Tim and himself didn’t have the best of relationship, it wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t exactly ideal for two people who were meant to be considered ‘siblings’, but Damian didn’t want him to be mistreated by anyone regardless.

So when he began to take notice how you took care of Tim without it being overbearing or controlling in the slightest, you made sure he ate properly and took adequate rest whilst letting him uphold his responsibilities. You trusted Tim to take care of himself when you knew you were out of your element and he trusted you to keep ahold of his heart no matter what, and Damian could see that in the way you would boast about Tim as though he was gods gift to humanity; Which to you he very much was with a side order of sarcastic wit.

You reminded Tim that he was more then what he could give to other people, a lesson that Damian truly believed Tim needed to learn and if he learnt that through your relationship then that was good enough for him.

‘I didn’t know you were capable of being in a relationship.’ Damian told Tim and he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

‘Thanks Damian, much appreciated.’ He said sarcastically.

‘You didn’t let me finished Drake,’ Damian told him before continuing, ‘however I’m…glad that you found someone who makes you sees your worth.’

Tim smiled softly. ‘Thanks Damian.’

When DICK brought you home, Damian was quick to follow you throughout your visit to the manor in hopes of getting a good gauge of your character, he valued Dick as his brother and wasn’t just about let him date anyone he decided to pick up from the side of the street one day on a whim.

Damian wasn’t exactly trusting towards you at first -despite the many stories Dick had told him about you- genuinely thinking that by next week Dick would’ve dumped you and bring home another one of his short lived romances, and seeing as how commitment wasn’t exactly a thing Dick was well known for. So he wasn’t expecting much to come out of your visit but when he saw just how happy Dick was with you, holding your hand, practically glued to your side and just acting like an human version of a puppy dog whenever he was with you it was almost sickening; well it was but you get the point.

Not once did Damian see Dick’s adoring eyes wander from you, he was completely entranced by anything and everything you said as though it was gospel. You both were the epitome of lovesick and Damian didn’t know whether he should be happy that it seems as though Dick found someone whom he could be genuine with and no be judged, or be grossed out by how much pda you do.

It was a tossup between the two but Damian found himself gaining some form of respect for you throughout the day and soon would in your corner for most of your playful disagreements.

‘Oh come on Damian, you’ve barely known my partner for a day and now all of a sudden your pally pally?’ Dick whines as Damian stood by your side.

‘So? It’s obvious they’re the one in charge of this relationship.’ Damian replied and you could’ve busted out laughing at Dick’s expression afterwards.

[ohnopeh]

i find it incredibly funny and telling seeing ian's reaction to mickey going to a hipster concert with his 'boyfriend'

he's there making faces and describing them looking at mickey as in 'this is everything you hate, are you for real?'

i love how his reaction is to laugh and not to feel jealous at mickey ''trying'' to ''fit in'' for the guy, cause he knows he's just doing that to keep the whole ''i've moved on'' thing going and byron. it also made me think how this is what ian did with his other relationships, trying so hard to be loved. he knows that doesn't work and that mickey isn't like that so he doesn't feel threatened by ian's poundland's version. but ian? ian had to listen to trevor's music, tried to be ''cool'' and go to the club cause trevor kept pushing himself over ian i'mnotafraidofanything gallagher.

i feel like ian's need to fit where people tell him to increased with s4 when he was maniac and away from his family. him being at the club, having ''regulars'' and parties (e.x. the one he went with mickey) he had this whole life that he didn't like but kept on shoving on himself cause he thought that's what he has to do to be loved. but then he's with mickey and s5 has him move on from that life as he's with someone who doesn't make him feel like he needs to try and pretend being someone else. s6 happens and the whole EMT is amazing but still, ian is still being used in ways (making caleb's father's angry + fucking a girl) so people want him just cause he fits with their needs and not what they can share together. its always ian giving to others. s7 with the whole trevor thing felt so awkward, he made ian feel like shit for not being up to date with every lgbtq term. trevor's group was basically this

despite that, ian was never enough. trevor kept telling him off and showing how cool and superior he is compared to ian. which is why i love how ian can see through mickey's bullshit, knowing that doing so its just trying too hard, not being genuine. its not what mickey and ian are. ''can't we just be ian and mickey?''

and i think that also reflects on s11 arc for them. ian wants to make the marrige work, he doesn't want mickey to regret it so he tries so hard, but by doing so they struggle to understand each others at first. they both want monogamy but a misunderstanding makes them both think the other wants to include people in their sex life. debbie and mickey point out that ian gets influenced by lip and that he doesn't have other friends. he thinks they seem it as something bad, something he needs to change. so what does he do? he decides that he and his husband are going to have gay friends and do the whole 'sex with others' thing. what's funny is that they both know they don't want that so what does ian do to convince mickey to tag along? he makes him jealous

''...who knows what will happen?'' and mickey sees through his bullshit

he's like ''are you really pulling this shit on me?'' so when he reminds ian what their decision was, ian tells him ''then i guess we should make some friends together.'' he tags along, they hang out with other gay people just like the ones trevor was friend with. but this time ian is comfortable saying that's not going to do it for him. but mickey? he's is a little shit and wants ian to learn a lesson so they stay till the night and all that shit. but THEN

they come back from the shitty hang out and mickey knows! he knows that ian finally understands. ian didn't have fun, ian didn't want to be with them, didn't want to force that lifestyle cause this time he's not with someone who's asking him to do that. ian even says

mickey's face is a clear ''no shit, sherlock.'' despite being himself with mickey, he's still struggling to accept that mickey wants ''all of the fucking versions of me.'' so he tries to force what he thinks will be the best for mickey, for them. which is also why he regrets getting the house on the west side after mickey's breakdown. he did sign the paper cause mickey was the first one to suggest checking it out, he knows that mickey deserves more than being a ''southside trash'' but he pushed it without giving mickey a chance to elaborate it. once ian finally realises that, he's willing to take a step back go back to where mickey is comfortable. this time though, mickey knows that ian is doing it for them and to show mickey his life is so much more than being what his father wanted him to become. and then the anniversary day? i have this headcanon that ian didn't say anything first because he wanted to check if mickey still cared about it, if he didn't regret getting married to ian. after a year together ian tried and 'failed' to make things work the way he thought they were supposed to be. is mickey still 'fucking crazy' for wanting that? so he waits, tries to remind him. they go to the alibi and ian has given up, he doesn't want to go out, he wants to go home and he's so desperate for mickey to remember their anniversary before the day ends. so he tells him but mickey reaction is anything but hurtful to ian. patting him on the shoulder and saying ''that's great.''

he must be thinking, 'this is the same person that fought so hard for us to get married, went all crazy over it and planned to kill his father for ruining it-- and now that we've hit the one year mark he's forgotten and just pat me on the shoulder?' cause ian knows what it feels like to be loved by mickey and he doesn't see it in that moment, he's scared.

the face he makes once he realises that he planned a big surprise for him, for them. for their love? its like he can finally breathe, they're okay, they're going to be okay. because they're ian and mickey and they love each other and go through everything together. ''thick and thin all that shit.''

and finally he knows he can stop trying so hard to fit somewhere he doesn't want to be, because he's loved for who he is, with all of his flaws that others made him think he wasn't worth the trouble. but just like ian makes mickey free, mickey himself makes ian feel free.

bonus 'mickey's ''no way i would forget about that'' expression.'

[bakubunny]

♡ childhood best friend draken ♡

a/n: sry for all the tokyo rev. returning to my regular bnha bullshit soon. also this one is a little out there. not adding the main tag list bc i just need to get this off my chest.

tw: best friend draken, soft draken, semi-dark content, large age gaps (not w/draken), friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, daddy kink (sry).

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thinkin abt childhood best friend draken who’s a little bit older. he’s always seen you as more of a sister, at least until recent years. who watches you grow up with him, watches you become the person that you are. who knows you’re interested - or you were at some point - and never made a move when he should have.

best friend draken who finds out that you’ve been sleeping with a man at least twice your age at the tender age of nineteen and absolutely sees red. it doesn’t matter how much you tell him that you know what you’re doing - that he’s sweet, that he’s not manipulating you. you know exactly why that man wants you around because you initiated the relationship.

best friend draken who will find out his name if it’s the last thing he does and beat him within an inch of his life for having a single thought about touching you. it doesn’t matter if you’re grown, he still remembers that bright eyed young girl you once were. his childhood best friend and the one who never leaves his thoughts. who knows you deserve better, even if you don’t know it yourself.

best friend draken who is pissed at you for making such a reckless decision. who asks you why you didn’t say anything to him, why you wanted to be with someone like that in the first place. you burst into tears at the question because draken is right on every front; whether or not that man did something wrong doesn’t change that you knew he only wanted what you could give him and you did it anyways. he knew you had pain that ran deep, but he had no idea how far you’d go to make it make sense.

best friend draken who holds you close while you cry though he hasn’t done that in years. he listens quietly as you rip his heart out from his chest with every word explaining yourself. who realizes a little too late why you clung onto him when he entered your life in elementary school. you were a true friend, but on some level you just wanted someone to be there even back then. and he was, almost more than anyone else.

best friend draken who feels you push yourself deeper into his arms when he speaks, telling you how much you deserve. who pieces together how desperately you wanted to be cared for no matter how much you tried to keep it all inside.

best friend draken who hears your breath catch when his voice turns soft and gentle as he murmurs in your ear, much to his surprise. who feels the goosebumps on your skin when he tells you that it’s okay, you’re safe now. who decides to say “fuck it,” and go out on a limb with what’s going through his head.

best friend draken who can almost feel the way your cheek heats up against his shoulder when he rubs your back and tells you that he’s proud of you for being honest with him, when he says you did so well. who feels you cling to him when tells you he’s not going anywhere. you can’t get rid of him by telling the truth.

best friend draken who knows what he’s about to do could royally backfire, but he does it anyways. who knows he struck a nerve when he gently says, “you’re such a good girl, you know that? a good, sweet girl….” even though it only makes you cry harder, he feels the way a shiver runs down you neck with his voice against your ear. his hand runs over your head as he cracks the slightest sad smile.

best friend draken who teases you gently, even when you’re in tears. who asks, “you like that? being treated like daddy’s good girl?” his heart breaks a little more as a sob leaves your chest and you nod against his shirt. “yeah? you’re just a good girl looking for a daddy to take care of you?” his smile grows when you sniffle and nod again, wrapping your arms tighter around his frame, your fingers gripping his shirt in your hand.

best friend draken who places a kiss on your temple and says, “don’t worry, baby, i got you. daddy’s got you. i’m not gonna leave your side. you’re mine now.”

mini gremlins: @dcsiremc @bookcluberror @zazter-den @i-literally-cant-with-this @r4td0lll @naughtygobbo @sovya

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep6 Musings: Loumand (Spoilers)

Armand stressed me TF out this episode; I can't believe they had me yelling at my favorite TVC book character this much on this dang show. But I still stand by what I said about him having good intentions--

--but by god does this man make the worst decisions for the best reasons.

FACTS, I can't stand modern art. The first vamp capitalist, faaaacts.

The first vamp pilot--Louis WANTS to fly now!? Or maybe it's just the Cloud Gift that freaks him out; a vampire taking him up without his control/consent?

I cannot BELIEVE they're banging in Armand's office right in front of that flimsy glass door--that's why the coven hated y'all. 🤦 Rubbing in their faces that Lou can do whatever--and whoever--he wants.

OF COURSE that mofo was gonna say No--DUH! Lou, Armand don't want Lestat's spawn, he wants Lestat's SEED, there's a DIFFERENCE. 😅

He. Didn't. NO. The attitude in Lou's neck rolls had me QUAKING. AMC is leaning IN to Armand withholding more than Lestat, jfc. 😬

It was NOT ok, Armand. That was your cue to be part of the family, and join Lou as he went to the IVF clinic to get his eggs fertilized with YOUR seed, MORON. 🤦 Y'all could've been the Le Russe/Romanus family! Now they'll always be Lioncourts! 😩 Alexa, play Rolling in the Deep, cuz they could've had it all! 😔🎵 🎶

☝️ SAY IT LOUDER! ☝️

Roleplay don't mean ISH outside the bedroom--just cuz Armand's a subby bottom don't mean he didn't hold ALL the power the whole time; eff what Lou said, asked or "ordered." I said back in S1: Les & Armand HUMOR Lou, and let him pretend to be in charge (X X). It's called POWER IMBALANCE.

It looks like childbirth gone wrong.

Lou going from battered wife depression in S1 to post-partum-depression in S2. 😔 So Loius tried to kill himself again? By bleeding out? Throwing up all the blood he drank from Madeleine. Dang.

What "you did to yourself" is a little inaccurate, considering it was YOUR insensitive words that triggered him and made him want to yeet himself into the sun! This is what I always mean by Armand taking advantage of Louis' agency, cuz Louis was CLEARLY not in his right mind at the time to be asking for anything THAT serious, which he NEVER would've done elsewise.

So, 3 days after Louis' failed suicide attempt, he asked for his mind to be wiped--cuz he was still TRAUMATIZED, Armand! 🤦

Lou got high as a kite (if he was ever sober in SanFran.....)

Nearly killed the first human who managed to get anywhere towards helping him process his PTSD--if not just VENT a bit; as he hadn't spoken Lestat's name in 20+ years by that point.

Vented all his resentment to Armand for being hella boring

Was triggered by Armand telling Louis Claudia never loved him, wtf

Tried to kill himself by burning himself alive in the first sunrise he'd seen since Paul's suicide

Burnt to a crisp, he has to watch Armand torture TF out of Daniel, begging for his life & powerless to do anything

Then lay there all crispetty cracketty crunchetty and hear Armand have a effing telephone call with LESTAT

He even told OIdmaniel he'd been in so much pain he blanked out

Armand said drugs did a number on Dan's mind--Louis DIED an alcoholic; he was turned while he was drunk, and I bet mental illness runs in his family, too. So what damage was done to LOUIS' mind when he was in SanFran getting stoned every night b4 you scrambled his brain, Armand?!

Daniel's mind is sharp, yes, but his body sure ain't. Armand caused Daniel's Parkinsons--if it's even really Parkinsons, and not just the consequences of 6 days of bodily & mental torture, as his arm was crushed, head bashed, nose bled, and muscles were contorted. "To protect me, from YOU, my Molloy"--we been knew. "Why did I owe YOU my shame...my one act of cowardice?" Oh, you mean selling Claudia & Louis down the effing river?!

I'd bet money that Armand was so shook seeing Louis' reaction to what he said about Claudia hating Louis, and was so terrified of being on permanent suicide watch, that he was RELIEVED to have the chance to wipe Louis' memory, and soften the blow of his own culpability in WHY Claudia died hating Louis. Cuz she was HAPPY at that cafe with y'all! What happened AFTERWARDS, Armand!?

Why would vamps cheer and drink with alcohol; y'all shoulda known something was up; with this JUDAS at the effing table.

Why tf is Armand sleeping in Claudia's coffin? I guess Loumand doesn't share Louis' the way Loustat did. But better question: Why TF are they still in that flat?! I'd've left Paris for good; that was stupid of them to stay in coven territory. But I guess we know why Armand didn't insist they leave. 😒

Louis and Madz have tension. :(

This poor boy just CANNOT help himself, LOL.

LOLOLOLOLOL! Madz is NOSEY, spill all the tea, girl, yaaas! XD (The bass in Lou's voice when he says BIIIIIG HEAD nearly put me in a stretcher--omfg it was IMPROVISED!?)

👀 Yeah, he knows, alright. Knows you'll forgive him, Lou.

Cuz he felt he had nothing left if he didn't have you.

Cuz Santiago was right:

Speak of the devil, carrying the effing burlap sacks.

I could never sit there that calm and talk about all that without lunging over and pulling every follicle out of Armand's head.

Omg it's a matinee in DAYLIGHT, it's happening right then & there. 😭☀️

💀

[mattdoestevan]

My HC is that the reason that Tommy actually left the 118 was because he realized he was gay. It was a long time coming but when it finally hit him he realized he needed to actually discover himself so he did what he had done in the military - being a pilot (yes I also HC him at 18 doing a tour before running away to LA and joining the 118)

It wasn’t that he thought the 118 would judge him but when he discovered it he knew he needed to discover it on his own.

In the 5 years since he left the 118 he had his first boyfriend, his first real heartbreak, cut ties with his family, and rediscovered just how much he missed flying. Of course, he is still a firefighter but flying is so natural to him it makes sense that when he is piloting he was able to actually figure out who he is.

One of the first nights after the 118 and him reconnect he explains this all to Hen and Chimney at their old favorite bar. Hen didn’t seem shocked that he was gay because she clocked him as soon as she met him but knew he needed to discover it himself. Chimney knew that he would be happier flying, it used to be his favorite thing to talk about when they worked together, so Chimney understood when he left and where he left to.

Bobby, well Bobby welcomed him back with open arms. They were hanging in the station just the two of them when Bobby suddenly says, “Welcome back to your home away from home.” Tommy shakes his hand and pulls him in to a “bro hug” that lasts a little too long but it’s because Tommy missed Bobby.

This is also when Bobby decides to tell Tommy about how when he left the new recruit was none other than Buck.

That’s when Tommy finally can admit that he made the right decision, because everything worked out so perfectly after such a long journey.

Ok op, you are going to have to forgive me, but I don't have much of a response to this. You gave me such a beautiful headcanon I don't even have anything else to add.

But the freedom Tommy felt when flying... he wanted that. All the time. Not when just up in the air, but in his whole life. So... he stepped out of the closet.

Much like piloting a helicopter, being out was hard. Yet, he loved every single moment of it. Yeah, homophobia exists and it's awful, but when he gets to be himself without any hate? That's the best feeling in the world.

And now he can share that feeling with Evan Buckley. He is not alone anymore. He found love.

Tommy has dated before, of course, but he never truly felt like this. The type of love he has for Buck is unique, like a one-billion-carat pink diamond. And he's pretty sure Buck feels the same.

Yeah, he made the right choice.

[khunyuki]

"I've lived my life with blade and you always in my mind"

ꜱɪᴅᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ: 𝚍. 𝙸 𝚐𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝙸'𝚖 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚑𝚞𝚑?

Synopsis: Narumi Gen initially thought that Uzui Kagami was pathetic with her self-depreciating thoughts and how she let people run their mouths. He hates how he lets himself be dragged around by her cuz it's comfortable, especially that sweet smile that makes her look unbothered when it was, in fact, the opposite. He also hates how she's the fiancee of his rival when she should've been...

Pairing/s: Unrequited!Narumi Gen x OC

Note/s: I was too lazy so I just wrote 3 scenes😭 Will make a part 2 soon. It's also connected to 'that decision' mentioned in the intro

Masterlist: TOC, A, c

Uzui Kagami didn't expect her life to take an unexpected turn after transferring to the First Division. Heck, she didn't even expect she'd be recruited by THE Shinomiya Isao but she did! Yet here she was starting to maybe regret her decision as she stared at the lazy man in front of her.

.

.

"Excuse me"

She called out to the man hiding behind a vending machine, crouching like the object would hide his body. The man was playing with a handheld console she recalled was a PSP with a game she doesn't know. His hair was let down to cover his eyes yet she recognizes this man. It was 'The Troublemaker' Narumi Gen, who was in the same squadron as her.

She found him by coincidence after she left the study room to go to the training room as stated in her schedule when she heard sounds coming from a vending machine besides the storage room. It wasn't loud enough to be heard by an untrained ear so any normal human would probably not notice it but Kagami could. She seemed to have deduced that there's only one person in the base who would go out of his way to hide in an inconspicuous location just to play.

"Narumi Gen-san?"

She once again called out to the dual toned hair guy who tried to ignore her once more but couldn't as she stood in front of him.

"What do you want? I'm busy"

Gen just waved her away with his hand then resumed back to his game.

"Training starts in 10 minutes. We're going to be late"

Kagami, with her outstanding patience, didn't seem bothered at all by his gesture. She reminded him of the scheduled training they have that afternoon.

"Then you go by yourself. Why bother asking me?"

Narumi Gen was starting to get annoyed by the persistent woman in front of him.

"I do not wish to see you be scolded for being late if there's something I can do about it"

Kagami gave him genuine concern as she had already seen him be scolded multiple times during her time there. To her, his demeanor wasn't normal and it bothered her.

"Why are you being so concerned? Who are you anyways?"

Gen finally looked up to the meddlesome person in front of him to see a person he didn't know. Her long black hair hanging on her side and black eyes staring at him without any trace of scorn, something he usually sees from people around him.

"Pardon me for not introducing myself first. I am Uzui Kagami who just joined the First Division last week. I was assigned to the same squadron as you, Narumi-san"

Seeing him finally looking at her, she crouched down to meet him eye to eye when introducing herself as it was polite to do so. Her untied hair bouncing as she did, gently draping over her shoulders. Her smile was as polite as it can be but it was doing something to Gen's heart.

"Y-yeah whatever"

Somehow, he couldn't meet her in the eyes so he turned back to his game where the words 'YOU DIED' was displayed. Usually he'd feel frustrated but he was still trying his best to hide the heat that was growing on his face.

"Ummm is that game that important?"

The lady who introduced herself as Uzui Kagami moved to the empty space beside him so she could peek as his game. She doesn't really understand how it works but she could feel that it's importance whenever he focuses his concentration on it.

"I'm about to defeat the boss"

That's what he said when in fact, he was still stuck in the middle levels and just restarted the game. He tried hard to ignore the woman watching him, who was tucking the stray strands of hair on her face back to her ears.

"Will you be able to finish it within 5 minutes?"

Kagami watched him play for awhile then turned to the watch of her wrist. There were only 5 minutes left and the way to the training grounds is also 5 minutes, if not more.

"Probably"

"Then excuse me"

As soon as she heard his response, she immediately put her hands under his knees and on his back then lifted him up. Time was running out and she needs them to go now or they'll be late.

"W-wha?! What the heck is wrong with you?!"

Wide-eyed, Gen was so surprised when he was suddenly lifted in a princess carry that he almost dropped his console. Why was the pretty stranger yet not stranger carrying him?!

"Please don't worry. You can just play your game while I bring you to our destination"

Kagami gave him a reassuring smile as she fast walked to the training grounds with him in her arms.

"It's not that! My problem is why am I being carried like a princess?!"

Gen couldn't help but cover his entire face with his console in embarrassment. Never in his life had he been carried like this by anyone!

"Ohh... I thought it would be better than having you on my shoulder or on my back so you could play comfortably. I'm sorry for touching you without permission"

She slowed down her pace but continued to walk. It really doesn't matter to her what position he's in if they could go there fast but it seems her consideration was a bit too much for him. She couldn't see what was wrong yet as she's still blinded by the fact that they'll be late.

"Just why are you doing this to me?"

"I told you. I do not wish for you to be scolded for being late."

Narumi Gen wanted to die from embarrassment. Yet he couldn't bring himself to be angry at her, who seem to really just want to go with him to the training grounds together.

"At least change the position"

Her eyes brightened and she eagerly let him down and he could see how big their height difference was. She was a head shorter then him yet she could carry him with such ease... Well, most could probably do so but who would want to involve themselves with him if not this weirdo.

"You're so short yet you really think you could carry me?"

He uses his hand to visually compare their heights by placing it on his head then to her own. But his hand couldn't reach her before she crouched down.

"Height does not matter when slaying kaijus. Please hurry up or we'll be late"

She turned to him with a smile as she crouched down in front of him, her hands ready at her sides to carry him.

"You're going to regret this"

He warned her yet he still got on her back to a comfortable piggyback ride to the training room.

'I could get used to this'

He thought as he played to his heart's content without minding anything else, ignoring the fast beating of his own heart. The confused bystanders who saw them couldn't seem to believe their eyes at the sight. The quiet newbie and the troublemaker combo was the least thing they ever expected to see that day.

The combo that would soon become a common occurrence in the First Division.

.

.

.

"Umm why am I doing this again?"

"I told you, you were going to regret it"

He reminded her as she started carrying him again to their destination for the nth time. Kagami couldn't help but sigh at the past her's actions as it was her fault she made him be comfortable by volunteering to be his transportation.

=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=

Only a few months after joining the First Division, Kagami has successfully established herself as a proper member of the base. She would've wanted to be recognized for her skills most but she knew she was more known for something else. That something was related to the missing, newly promoted captain, Narumi Gen.

"That brat, Gen, is missing again. Uzui, do you know where he is hiding this time?"

Hasegawa Eiji, who was annoyed to see the empty room, rubbed his temple as he turned to the only officer standing inside the captain's office. Despite having on a respirator mask, he knew exactly who it was as she's the only one allowed inside his office.

"I beg your pardon Vice Captain Hasegawa but I am not a missing person detector"

Officer Uzui Kagami couldn't help but sigh. She wasn't annoyed but she's been asked about his location all of the time ever since they showed up together, with him on her back, to training. She knew there would be consequences when she chose to be involved with him but she didn't think it would affect her life for so long.

"The two of you are the only ones in the room. There's no way you don't know where he is"

Vice Captain Hasegawa is extremely suspicious. He knew of her skills. The Uzui's are mostly known for being shinobi's, and that shinobi's are masters of deception. He also knew that Kagami is an honest person that doesn't see any benefit from lying. If not for her mask, he could at least try to read her face for any lies.

"Where is he?"

Kagami blames herself for befriending her captain as it meant she had to serve under him and follow his orders directly. It also meant that whenever he's hiding, she'll be the one to find and fetch him. To drag him from whatever mess he's creating and clean up after him.

She isn't scared of her vice captain despite the scary expression on his face right now. Nor is she scared of the complaining her captain will whine about later. She just wanted to get it over and done with.

"He's inside one of the boxes over there sir"

"Kagami, you traitor!"

She pointed over to the tower of amazon boxes that he ordered. She and her captain made a fort that was hollow inside so he could hide when the vice captain arrives but she knew it was a futile attempt. Especially when he let out a loud noise after she exposed his location.

Vice Captain Hasegawa dragged out the whining captain and went out of the room while the officers he brought with him were cleaning up his room. Usually it was her job to do so but she had to follow them out first. After all, she had something more important to do.

After they arrived at Vice Captain Hasegawa's office where Gen was being scolded, she got caught in the crossfire for letting him be. Used to being scolded, Kagami just stood there and let the time pass by.

"Officer Uzui, what's the business you wanted to talk about?"

Vice Captain Hasegawa, having finished his rants turned to the woman still standing properly, ignoring the whining man on the side. She took a letter from her pocket and placed it on the table.

.

.

"Captain Narumi, Vice Captain Hasegawa. I would like to quit the defense force"

"May I ask the reason why?"

The whining captain immediately went silent and the vice captain opened his eyes wide in shock. Hasegawa kept his composure and asked.

"My family has been encouraging me to quit for a long time now. I've been postponing it but I think it's time to listen to them"

"I won't accept that kind of reason"

Narumi Gen, with a uncharacteristically serious expression on his face, was incredibly upset.

"Are you a puppet? It's been on my mind for a long time but why do you keep letting your family decide on your actions? You're old enough to be independent and have a mind of your own yet you still let yourself be pushed around like this"

He stood up from where he was at and trekked towards her, his hair now slicked back revealing his eyes. The eyes that were compatible with Kaiju no.1, which could be considered a lie detector if used well. Stared straight to her own despite the mask, he took the resignation letter and ripped it to shreds.

"You are the one who told me you wanted to change and become better and I believe you. You are my soldier. You can't just leave because you lost confidence in yourself thus blaming it on your family. I am not letting you go just because they said so. Your place is here in the First Division. And you, Uzui Kagami, is stuck here with me because I said so"

Placing his face closer to her own, it would seem really intimate if not for the mask she's wearing. She had no choice but to lift up her head and not break eye contact as it meant she'll lose.

And she did lose. Because all she ever wanted was someone to believe in her and acknowledge her hard work, enough to blow away her worries.

"How is that any different from my family, sir?"

"It's different because I know full well you want to stay here"

This was the moment she vowed to support her captain.

=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=

"Hey! Why didn't you tell me?"

As soon as Kagami got back from the day off her fiance forced her to get after getting injured, she was approached by her frustrated captain.

"Tell you what, sir?"

Confused, Kagami tilted her head. She doesn't really know what he's talking about.

"That you're that guy's fiancee"

As if a bulb of realization lit up her mind, she finally understood what he meant.

"Ah... Apologies sir, everyone from my previous division knew so I just thought you guys knew, as well"

Kagami didn't really mean to keep it a secret. She thought it was already a fact everyone knew but clearly it wasn't as she never really talked about it before. It never got brought up in a conversation after all.

"Still does not justify you not telling me! I thought we..."

'...Had something special' is what he wanted to say but trailed off. As he bored holes into her round eyes filled with innocence, he just couldn't bring himself to do so.

"I thought we were friends?!"

He just let out something else, something that describes their relationship better.

"Eh? I thought you said we weren't friends?"

Kagami remember him saying that while Gen recalled his interrupted confession before. He was glad he didn't get to do so as it would've risked everything with her.

"Tsk would I let you carry me and do all that to me if we weren't"

Narumi clicked his tongue, not only from the missed opportunity but also from just being called a 'friend'.

"Captain Narumi..."

"Gen"

"Eh?"

"Just call me Gen, since we're friends and all"

"But..."

"Don't even bother with the honorifics! We're friends so you have the right to call me that!"

Frustrated once more, Gen couldn't help but increase the volume of his voice. He saw how she flinched at his sudden volume so he immediately toned it down.

"If you're that bothered then you can just call me that when we're alone"

Rubbing his neck, he didn't know what to do if she still rejected him after this.

"Alright, Gen"

"Though Gen seems a bit too intimate, can I just call you Gen-kun?"

His heart thumped loudly he thought she could hear it. He asked her to call him that yet here he was getting flustered over it. Even hearing her call him Gen-kun was enough to make him feel like he just slayed multiple daikaijus all by himself.

"I-It's fine either way"

His rival may have gotten her first but there's no way in hell he'll give up just yet.

[bookandanimelover312]

Ok so I have a lot of thoughts about this first episode: Beware spoilers

Things I liked

I really liked the beginning narration with Cregan, it was really nice to see Winterfell again.

The way Rhaenys put Daemon in his place, great bit of acting because you can feel the familial relationship between them. Also Rhaenys explaining her grief over Laena was really emotional.

Rhaenyra searching for Luke’s remains was great. Congrats to Emma for their acting, they managed to emote so much without any lines. Rhaenyra’s yell mixing with Syrax made me tear up a little bit.

Alicent lighting a candle for the dead mix with Luke’s funeral also was awesome. You can really feel the grief of all the characters in that scene.

Overall I think the scenes with the blacks were the best part of the episode because they really went with show don’t tell. We could feel the emotions of the characters without it being explained in a condescending manner to the audience ( something I feel season one did way to much of the time) they also didn’t rushed through these scenes so I think it contributed to my enjoyment of them.

What I didn’t like

Personally I feel like the scenes of the greens felt way to rush both in the dialogue and the pacing in which they were shot. One second Aegon is bursting in the looking for Jaeherys the next he goes to the small council, the next he is talking to Larys.

Yeah Otto is still a piece of shit. No more comments on that.

Ok WTF is up with Criston and Alicent hooking up? I have really mix feelings about this. On one hand I love that Alicent is exploring her sexuality after spending her life chained Viserys and then being SA by Larys buuuuut in terms of narrative I feel that it is extremely out of character for both Alicent and Criston. My take on Criston is that he condemns Rhaenyra for her enjoying her sexuality and “lack” of morals. That scenes in S1 where Alicent offer him redemption is him equating her with what he thinks a pious and moral woman should be. So him breaking his kingsguard vows (again) to sleep with him when his so called honor it’s his now defining trait feels like a very odd choice.

Now Alicent is defined by her obedience of her father, her husband and society’s rules. So as I mentioned before I really like the idea of her exploring her pleasure and sexuality and it makes to choose Criston because she feels safe with him. However I feel that this decision contradicts her core values installed by the seven about sex and her image as the dutiful queen and daughter. I can be onboard with this decision IF the writers managed to address this conflict within her which I honestly doubt.

About blood and cheese

Ok so my expectations of this scene where pretty great not gonna lie. Mainly because of the build up during the press tour ( it’s gonna bigger and more shocking that the red wedding!!!!!) and because we have already seen this in the animated shorts (Michelle Fairly is perfect voice narrator for this bit)

I really liked the idea blood and cheese being sent for Aemond but stumbling upon Heleana and the twins. Many people from what I seen are critiquing Phia’s acting but I actually like it, I totally think this is how Tv!Heleana would react to this situation since she has never been a loud person.

However I think we needed more episodes to get to know her and the twins, the writers seriously missed that the reason the red wedding shook us was because we loved those characters after following their journey for three seasons we were invested in their survival and their death was harrowing because of it not because of the gore.

Also I don’t think the lack of maelor makes Heleana’s choice any less horrible. So those people can shut up, she is still being forced to choose with child to save or let them all die.

I REALLY hated the fact she interrupted Alicent and Criston having sex, it felt more for shock value than anything else. For me it would been better it she came across Aegon and Aemond you know the two people directly related to the murder. One because Aegon is the father and two it’s Aemonds fault that blood and cheese where there in the first place.

Overall I didn’t love these episode but I didn’t hate it, it just felt underwhelming for the start of the season. But I’m not discarding it as of now.

Also the new intro is cool.

[add1ctedt0you]

[uselessnbee]

what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.

or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!

and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes

and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you

[rustedleopard]

So you guys remember how after Hinawa was announced as dead, Flint was immediately tossed into jail after he (very understandably) lashes out in his grief. And then by the time he breaks out of jail (not released by a fellow Tazmillian, breaks out with a nail file), the service is already over and she's buried six feet under the dirt with no proper goodbye from her husband or even a glimpse at her or anything???

That was fucked up

[patrocles]

the thing is i dont think eddie ever actually thought about how he would have to explain to his parents (texan, mexican american catholics) why he chose his best friend (of only a few years by that point and has had more near-death experiences than him no less), to be his son’s guardian in the event of his death over them (his own parents!!) in a way that doesn’t sound gay. like he did all that and was probably like “well if i’m dead i dont have to explain myself” and safely packed it away

[carlyraejepsans]

with toriel and asgore it's like. they're both flawed and their flaws parallel one another, but they're not EQUALLY flawed... like..... come on......

[getvalentined]

Thinking about Angeal in DFFOO apparently throwing himself in front of a sword to protect Sephiroth, even knowing that he's unrepentantly evil at that point and has no goal except to hurt people and fuck with Cloud, because he just cares about him so much—

But in CC, Angeal is only upset about Genesis' alleged death because he didn't manage to kill him before Zack did. Even though he's completely aware that Genesis is doing all this in an attempt to either 1. not literally rot to death, or 2. take the company down with him in recompense for ruining all their lives from conception.

The only point that he gets genuinely upset after Genesis "dies" is when Hollander calls Gillian by name. That is more upsetting to him than the death of someone who he's known basically since birth. The only issue with his oldest childhood friend being dead is that Angeal didn't get to kill him.

But Sephiroth, openly malicious, violent, abusive—he is worth defending. He's worth protecting. He deserves every possible chance to prove that he's better than he was made, even when he's stated outright that he made his choice and doesn't intend to change.

Absolutely mindboggling that so few people seem to realize the extreme difference in how he feels about them, even when it's on full display.

(Also, I feel like it's more proof for my theory that Angeal is in love with Sephiroth too and the reason he treated Genesis the way he did is because if he wasn't good enough, then Genesis certainly wasn't, and couldn't be allowed to think otherwise. I don't think this was intentionally malicious, but I think Angeal was actually extremely immature and so self-righteous he'd rather they all be miserable than see someone he loved find support from someone he found unworthy.)

[deadmickeysart]

Joel can literally die for Midge and ya'll would hate him for it

[lord-squiggletits]

Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.

But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).

And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like

Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?

I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.

Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.

And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"