#he go =w= when in deep thought

[vamp-a-day]

day 69

Look, i never said he was smart, okay

[quirkle2]

boy he's rly mobbin all over the place

[roblogging]

i love using this app just to complain about tiktok. if i get ONEEEE more dm that's like "hiii i love your account 🥰 do you mind giving (insert name of their own fic) a read and posting about it?" i will go INSANE.

pay me for it then idk.

im kidding i wouldnt do that BUT LIKE. i get so excited 😭😭 i always think i've made a new friend and then i open the dm to that. EVEN WORSEEE when it's an author whose stuff i genuinely really enjoy and have found naturally by myself and then :/// like oh :/// OR when they don't even follow me? like you dont haveeee to but if you're dming just for promotion at least own up to it, don't act as if you actually like me yk? got me all excited for nout :(

idk. maybe im being annoying by complaining but it irks me so much. like as much as we say to write for ourselves and not focus on the traction, that's how i am with my account. i am literally shitposting for me and people fw that, that's great!

like just dm and say you think i'd enjoy it or smth, or at least entertain a conversation with me for longer than five minutes :/ it's my lil bubble and it sucks just being reduced to that

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

[erabu-san]

HI ERABUU HRUU?? :D

so, have you seen those Sethos and Wanderer lines? and the dynamic them both have at all?? its like Sethos wanted to know more of Wanderer and possibly befriend him y'know 😭😭

YES I READ IT AND i am really invested in it.

They are both interesting, I enjoy their dynamic 😭 bahahaa plz ! Also when wanderer told "huh he keeps following me and ask abt my hat ☝️ 😐" and sethos and in backstory 1 of Sethos, when Sethos was too busy, Wanderer is the one starting the conversation 😭 oh he doesn't mind Sethos at all !! Anyway, looking how Sethos is smart but also open-minded, I am sure Wanderer would find it interesting to talk with him too !

And the fact they also both pretty similar, but contrary too !! Anyway, I'm happy abt a possible Sethos Scara friendship 😊

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

with the caveat that we don’t know the ending yet and it might destroy me!--

i’ve actually really loved roman and gerri’s arc this season. it has been painful and miserable (what hasn’t??), but oh! the way it reveals the persistent, inconvenient depth of their feelings for each other over and over! i think their scenes this season have added a lot of depth to their bond that wouldn’t have existed if we’d just stopped with the end of season three; in season three, i think it was pretty easy to still question the full extent of gerri’s emotional investment in roman because she was so committed to seeming strictly professional, but they’re both fully in the mess this season -- even if gerri is still making smart choices to mostly get herself out of it -- and i cherish that. and i think each of their scenes has been really beautifully acted and full of fascinating nuance, and the entire fact of all the angst being rooted in roman having briefly stood up to logan because hurting gerri was so awful for him (and gerri not knowing that happened!) ... i just think it’s been really good! it’s such an aching portrayal of affection that has nowhere to go because the environment it exists in is totally antithetical to it. (which is, of course, extremely on theme for this whole show!) every single scene ending with one of them walking away and the other one feeling the weight of their absence!

like, ideally this will continue to be well-written and all be wrapped up in a satisfying way somehow (though who the hell knows what ‘satisfying’ looks like in this context), but at least we will always have the hurt and anger and mess and yearning! all these things not of a professional nature.

[fluentisonus]

part of the problem is that a lot of hugo's politics are really well thought out & considered & good but then some of them are like. entirely vibes-based to the point of feeling muddled & inconsistent & even straight up Bad sometimes. which is annoying

[princemick]

*gutteral screams* I love dutch hospitality

[narwhalandchill]

85 surgically implanted psychiatry degrees and still lost the fight against clinical depression and existential nihilism day 1. everyone point and laugh please

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

While 'Renan is off finding the holy grail, slaying one and a half high dragons, burning the rotting corpse of the crucified king, and having a personal crisis, Noya is also having A Great Time in the Deep Roads! :) Including but not limited to fun activities such as: nug wrangling, being trapped miles under the earth for weeks on end, finding and killing two paragons, and encountering horrors beyond her imagination that will fuel nightmares for the rest of her life! <3

[firebirdsdaughter]

I'm divided…

… I like Rukia getting something to do, I like the Kuchiki sibs plus their idiot, I like that she was allowed to hold her own despite this being a 2000s shonen manga, you know what I mean. Like for what it was many of the women in BLEACH made it through fairly well and I like that. I like Rukia being cool, I like her Bankai, I like it.

But at the same time… Like I get why it was her, and I like it, and I don't so much mind as… Well, I just kinda wish that Renji had gotten to kill As Nodt, since he was the one who actually had to watch Byakuya get maimed like that? Like obvi Rukia deserves a shot too, like I said, I understand it being her and I don't mind, I just kinda would… Also like to see a reality where Renji got to do him in.

Not necessarily in canon, bc yes, give Rukia more to do? Like I just want an au where Renji got him. Them. Finish what he tried to start before getting punted.

It's like I like the way it was and I wouldn't actually change it bc we always need more women being able to fight on their own, and I liked what was done. I loved Byakuya just showing up to get his bankai back and then leaving the rest to his sister, I love love love her getting Bankai.

I just. Want to see the version where Renji gets a go at him after having to watch that.

Like I don't want to write it myself, but I want it.

[caramelmochacrow]

fearing death as a trans person hits different. if you died never coming out, changing your name or just doing whatever makes you feel happy with your body it will never be shown in your funeral and everyone will never know you as who you were inside. something about if you died and you DID come out, you did do everything that made you happy abt your body but the one relative in your family that didn't accept you had to fix up your funeral they misgender you and place the wrong name on your grave anyway. or if the relatives that did accept you fix up your funeral with the correct pronouns and name but those who didnt will still misgender and deadname you even when you die. idk man.

[comradecowplant]

Love that the discourse is so rancid that cishet men are the main character of pride this year! Great job everyone!!!!!

[waywardsalt]

i. get the vibe that the more mainstream zelda fans are allergic to the idea of liking characters who like. do bad things

[haemosexuality]

most of the schools i went to were catholic to its rlly surprising that i never had any type of religion class. it didnt actually affect anything other than us being made to stand in line and pray before class (and also sing the national anthem) but like you could just, Not do that and be chill

[recapitulation]

I haven't really talked about it but going to a performance of mahler 2 was without a doubt the most intensely I've ever felt anything in my life. like clamping my hand over my mouth bc I felt like I suddenly had no control over my body. I felt like I was going to burst out laughing or start ugly sobbing for no reason other than pure intensity of emotion