I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
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HTP; Ghoul Lore Audio Log Spoilers/Analysis/Discussion
Dude holy shit uh
Spoiler barrier and then all in cause
Okay
Okay fuck where to begin this episode literally changes everything okay I guess lets start at the Draught.
Based on what we know about this unique Draught, it means Grimal might not be the ghoul?? If the ghoul potentially has this Draught (which I vaguely doubt will come into play in this arc specifically) it could mean anyone could be the ghoul so long as they were only in a place without 1 other person. Atleast I assume so because if they could use this high power Dominate on multiple people simultaneously then this whole operation would be cooked from the start. While I was very mixed on the idea of Gloria as the Ghoul previously, I think its far more possible now. This high level Dominate (Lets assume 4 dots) This ghoul could have access to Rationalize or Forgetful Mind, Or any others in that category. If Grimal is was being commanded to act that could explain why everything is so suspicious around her. Have someone else go in and take care of Occam while the ghoul sits with someone else and has the perfect alibi. So now I think the possibilities for Ghoul are;
1. Grimal is the Ghoul (The Draught is a red herring and simply setting up something in a future arc instead of this current one.)
2. Gloria is the Ghoul & has this Draught; this is based more on Vibes and the fact Gloria doesn't actually do too much in part 1 outside checking Occam's pulse. If she's the ghoul and commanded someone (Namely Grimal) to attack Occam, she would have a vested interested in knowing if the attack was successful.
Okay thats about it for my thoughts on the Ghoul right now. Onto the far more important bit of this episode. Because this was not simpyl a Ghoul Lore episode, THIS WAS A MARCKUS LORE EPISODE TROJAN HORSE.
But before the deep Marckus shit-
Markus was 12 in 1988. Door was present and seems to be in his 20s or 30s. Boy has not been born yet and Boy is 11 in 2006 so he was born in like 1995. So I think its reasonable to place door as being in his 20s here, having Boy in his 30s. This means Door is probably 8-15? (Maybe) years older than Markus which would make him roughly 40 in modern day. D does look markedly younger in these photographs but I'm not sure if thats art style or actually because he's aged. It does put a damped on my thoughts about D being MUCH older than he seems. But we do know his previous Ex-Wife Rozalia (The Ghoul) is roughly 108 in modern day. It seems to be implied D had met & later married her after she was pretty deep into being a ghoul so there probably was a large age gap already. But it still kinda stands out to me. D is very afraid or Marckus becoming a Ghoul because he sees himself in him. I don't necessarily think D was a ghoul (thought it could explain his weird age).
Thought all this might be confirmation Bias as in the more recent episodes D's hair has been more consistently colored with grey streaks when compared to earlier episodes where it was more like a sheen in his hair. It just feels like D has done too much to only be roughly in his 60-70s and very fit. While older people can certainly be in good physical condition it doesnt seem like D has suffered any real negatives from aging? He's MINIMUM 18 years older than Door who is in his 40s but again that's a low ball.
I don't know.
Alright time for the Marckus stuff. So its rather basic background knowledge that HTP's main cast is inspired by the cast of Warhammer 40k TTS. Now up until this point I had thought it was mostly a baseline thing. Only really carrying over personalities and vague relationships between characters while having the freedom to change them with that background knowledge.
But based on this episode it appears to be more relevant.
Whatever the fuck Marckus managed to summon, It was something not even D understood. This is in directly parallel with 40k's Magnus who Marckus is based on.
For those who don't know about 40k lore (I don't blame you its VERY long.), Magnus is a Primarch (Emperor's special kids) who ended up being manipulated by 40k's god of trickery and ended up fucking up literally everything because of his lack of thinking things through and the influence of said trickster god. Gods in 40k are manifestations of humanity (and alien's) collective subconscious minds and often take the forms of their most volatile negative aspects. They're entited formed from 'The Warp' which is the source of magic in 40k. Magnus is very naturally tuned to the warp. Almost all the issues in TTS (and 40k) relating to Magnus are because he has a MASSIVE complex. He craves parental affection and affirmation but in TTS every time he thinks hes denied it, some shit goes wrong. When he actually gets that parental affection (Earlier season 2 iirc) he mellows out alot until finding out the only reason the emperor (D's counterpart) brought him back was so that Magnus would act as a pawn and decoy in his 5d chess game to deal with political enemies. Magnus is not happy about this.
With all this background information, whats present in this episode slots into place. Marckus seems to have forgotten about the incident yes. The better case is that he blocked out the memory due to trauma. But the worse possibility is that a seed was planted. One that's been festering within him since that time. D may be planning to tell Marckus everything in a few months, But I get the feeling before those months are up, That seed will sprout. In one form or another, Marckus will be given the option to go down the same path of darkness as his predecessor. I don't think Marckus would go for such a path without a push but the one providing that push might be D, even if unintentionally.
D is so focused on the forest that he's missing the trees.
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don't get me wrong i'm a sucker for Bear-Appeal Peppino as much as anyone else but sometimes i like to look at his sprites and remember that he looks like this
that's him. that's our tumblr sexyman.
and i wouldn't have it any other way
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see guys natsu saying sorry to lucy in the recent episode IS A BIG THING RIGHHTT???
like im not crazy that should've been a way bigger, more serious moment!!!! (why'd he make that weird ass joke after he's never made any joke like that before 💀😭)
and i'm pretty sure he doesn't say sorry often or even at all (he probably does and i don't remember *goldfish brain*)
BUT LIKE CMKOOOONNNN HIM BOWING AND SAYING SORRY THAAAAATTTT IS A NALU MOMENT NOT THE GROPING AND THE WEIRD JOKES PLZ GUYSSS i understand (kind of - not really) that it's funny and it's a gag in the show but ITS BEEEN YEARS PLZ GET SERIOUS A LIL BIT MORE IM DESPERATE
NALU WAS LITERALLLLYYY EVERYTHING IN THE GMH AND FINAL SEASON AND TARTAROS ARC SO WHYS IT LIKE THIS NOW CMOOOONNN WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THISSSSSS 😭😭😭💀💀
(sorry for the rant - i'm also not caught up in the manga - not a manga reader really but maybe one day - )
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we truly do need to talk more about how fucking insane achi is like okay yes karan is karan but achi literally moved in with the first person he ever dated after TWO (2) dates and was like wow 10/10 best life decision I ever made I'm so glad I did that I love my boyfriend
not to mention that he bought a ring and then presumably carried it around with him???? just waiting so that he could propose after karan did like. he literally bought a ring. after dating him for like a couple of months ????? maybe ????? absolutely fucking unhinged they're perfect for each other. who does this.
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guys..guys wait...
Hes fine i promise LOLL,, im not plotting anything this time, hes just feelin it. The frequency can also be affected by stronger emotions. You may not see it physically in his face, but its there :-)
If they were bad he'd be reacting to them much more, they havent gone past a 2. You can see it occasionally in his face when theyre a little more harsh but they arent THAT harsh, its just a little prickly but otherwise ignorable (i mean, at least for him.) nothing to worry about ^_^
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honestly going to be a little brave even and say that the reason buck kissed tommy Like That at the hospital is because he was so pent up from the bachelor party and seeing eddie shirtless getting vodka poured down his throat that he was like . i need to make out with a man immediately or i will die.
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