#zero judging necessary

[canisalbus]

.

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF GRISSOM ACADEMY

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, EDI, and Jack With: Flight Lt. Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Lt. James Vega, Ens. Jason Prangley, Ens. Rodriguez, David Archer, and Kahlee Sanders I never had a family- and these guys... Anyone screws with my students and I will tear them apart. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

[k-s-morgan]

Hey! I want to thank you all for supporting me, and I have great news - I found a new job! My interview on Thursday went well and I got the offer. I should be starting on Tuesday. Additional *huge* thanks to those of you who supported me through Patreon and PayPal. While I was lucky enough to find a new position quickly, I'll be still lacking a part of my monthly income due to the pause, so your help was absolutely invaluable.

I'm focusing on my fics again now! Will be finally updating soon.

Meanwhile, I'd like to share a rec for a show that someone suggested I watch. It's called The Devil Judge and I think a lot of my readers might end up loving it: it has Tomarry vibes + some Black Butler atmosphere and elements. Kang Yo Han reminded of Tom Riddle in some ways, but he's also a mix between Sebastian and Ciel. Kim Ga On, on the other hand, is closer to Harry: impulsive, naive, brave and determined.

One symbolizes darkness, another symbolizes light, and they both affect each other to the point where one begins to reach out to sunlight, finally experiencing simple human happiness, and another understands that some darkness can occasionally be necessary. Obsession, drama, arguments, forgiveness, manhandling, unhealthiness, their relationship has a lot of the things I love so much in fiction. While the show is not officially a romance, based on the show itself + the comments of crew and cast, it's pretty much that :D Oh, and Kim Ga On resembles Kang Yo Han's dead brother yet the sparks between them fly from the start, so you might feel bothered by it. I don't consider any incest to be involved here, I think Yo Han was simply enamoured with the ideal his brother represented, which made him initially zero in on Ga On, but still, I thought I'd warn about it in advance.

The ending is technically open/hopeful, but I read it as happy. The plot itself appealed a lot to me, considering the times my country is facing. Maybe you'll enjoy it, too!

And here's a fan video in case you're like me and prefer to get a glimpse into the dynamic between the characters right away) There are some minor-to-mild spoilers here, nothing really specific.

[sgiandubh]

As usual you to try connect things that have nothing to with Sam and Cait to prove your fantasy. You have zero direct evidence proving relationship, marriage, children with Sam and Cait. ZERO. You are also admitting if people on screen are involved they are terrible actors. Give it up. As Sam again is off on vacation alone next week, beginning traveling for the next 8 weeks alone for various appointments which have nothing to do with Cait

Dear (returning, I suppose) Beauchamp and Fraser Anon,

Unlike other people in this fandom, I do not need to invent aggressive Anons: you provide the material almost on a daily basis, using the same old, same tired arguments. A very primitive harassment technique, indeed, that pushed many reasonable people in the shadows.

Because this is what y'all want. One of yours had the courage and honesty to write it down, just because a fencer (who should have known better) went on to engage with your faction. She got this response:

Note I did not publish the handle of the person who wrote this. I am only discussing people when prompted or when necessary. I usually discuss problems - and this is a big problem.

In other words, 'believe what you want, but verboten to write or discuss or even question'. I think it says a lot about your degree of tolerance and your democratic values. Or lack thereof.

I did not connect anything. I simply posted something and left it on the table for debate.

And now you invite me to 'give it up'. Because I piss off many, many people on both sides of the Great Divide and I am perfectly aware of it. Exactly what you want me to do, of course. Exactly what I am not going to do, Anon.

So, for the last time:

What really pisses you off is that I always did things my own way. Refused to post funeral pics. Refused to endlessly discuss the number of children S and C might have. Refused to disclose (completely against it) and discuss (unless absolutely necessary to do so) legal documents your side always ends up by revealing one way or another. And you do so usually via Anons, because you have no clue of what they really mean and you think you know (and you don't). Oh, and lest I forget: refused to judge C's attitude or behavior towards this fandom. Because Anon, I honestly don't know how I would react (if I were her) with all the bullshit you managed to ventilate their way and/or the brutal pressure under which she is living her life.

For all these reasons and then some more, you have decided I have to leave this fandom. Because this page, notwithstanding its mistakes, annoys the crap out of you. Because it strives to bring up reasonable dialogue, not circular discourse. Because it took upon itself to answer your insults: usually with irony, something that somehow escaped you. Because it managed to prove that when you deal politely with likeminded people, differences between factions of the same community can be put, if only for five minutes, aside. Because it also brought (or tried to) a new, no nonsense perspective informed by who I am and what I do. And because it is read on a daily basis by people who began to feel encouraged and valued simply for who they are: kind people, sharing a similar point of view of a given situation.

So guess what, Anon? I am not going anywhere.

Live with it. I can live with the daily dose, for sure.

I am also absolutely impressed by the illiterate confidence (I am sick and tired to correct your bad grammar and spelling) with which you suggest to be in the know of S's travel agenda or C's whereabouts. I should also hope someone, somewhere, financially rewards your efforts: if not, maybe you should ask them for a raise, or something. You surely are a very, very dedicated troll.

[namjooning-to-the-moon]

BTS Headcanon - Buying you period products

Author's note: I don't know why this is in my head so much, maybe nature be trying to tell me something...

Warnings: Slightly suggestive.

How I think the members would go about getting you period products:

Jin

Head empty, thoughts have left the chat.

Does not know what the fuck he is doing but he loves you so will try his best.

Will get overwhelmed by the numerous choices.

Feels like he’s being judged in the aisle, not because he’s a guy but because he feels people can sense he’s a dumbass with zero clue.

Will thank every celestial deity that he was born a male so he doesn’t have to deal with this himself.

“Why do pads need wings? Where are they going?”

“Why are tampons so small? I know she can fit more than that up there…”

Deadass thinks tampon size is about how much dick you can take. 

Wishes he had paid more attention to what products you used because he’s so lost.

Will try better to learn about period products because he just wants to take care of you, and not knowing what he’s supposed to do makes him feel like he’s failing and that’s not the worldwide handsome™️ brand.

Accepts defeat and calls you to ask what you need.

You have to guide him through it all.

You will probably have to do this more than once ngl.

Yoongi

Cool with it, doesn’t give a fuck.

If people want to judge him for buying them then that’s honestly their problem.

Knows what products you use because he’s seen them in the bathroom cabinet.

If you use pads and tampons, will buy both just to make sure.

If they don’t have your brand he will text you to ask what you would want instead.

Will not risk fucking up, no way.

He sees how much you go through and just wants you to be comfortable so wants to get it right.

You also low-key scare him with your mood swings so he doesn’t want to encourage them.

He just doesn’t want the hassle fucking up will cause.

He understands your moods are just hormones and pain though.

Will also buy you pain relief at the store because he doesn’t want you to be in any pain.

Seeing you in pain makes his heart hurt.

Wishes he could go through this instead so you don’t have to.

Texts you to ask if you want anything else. If you say no, he will still buy you your favourite chocolate anyway.

He ain't falling for that one chief.

Gets your favourite takeout on the way home.

He’s just such a soft boy for you.

Hoseok

Has a sister, has learned all about the different products.

Doesn’t hesitate when you ask.

Also on team knows what products you use.

Will also buy you both if you use both because he knows not all periods are the same.

If the store doesn’t have your brand, has enough knowledge to easily find the closest replacement.

Also on team gives no fucks if people look at him.

Also buys you chocolate and anything else that he knows you like. 

Low-key has learnt your cravings so just buys anything he knows you get cravings for.

Is fast about it, doesn’t want you to wait any longer than necessary.

Hates that you have to go through this but likes that you trust him enough to take care of you.

Buys you the biggest bunch of your favourite flowers on the way home.

Puts them in the bedroom, so you while your curled up in pain you can look at them and be reminded that he loves you.

Namjoon

You don’t need to ask.

Why? Because he’s probably already bought them before you need to ask.

Also on team has a sister so has seen it all.

He’s very observant so has learned your queues for when that time of the month is coming. 

He’s got it all, products, chocolate, pain relief. The hot water bottle is on standby.

Man is prepared.

He even understands different kinds of flow.

He has 148 IQ for a reason.

Men, please learn from Namjoon.

On the off chance you don’t have any products though...

Would not bat an eyelid, will do it, no questions asked.

The leader of team gives no fucks if people look at him.

It's nature and he is providing for his woman during her time of the month.

Will do anything to make this time of the month as easy as possible for you.

Doesn’t give a fuck if its raining, will ride his bike to the store and get you what you need.

Even if it’s 3am, he will do it, ok.

Jimin

Nervous af.

He doesn’t want to fuck up.

Asks you to write down what you want so he definitely gets it right.

Feels extremely flustered in the store because he feels people looking at him. 

Will have a low-key panic attack if they don’t have your brand.

Will just get something he thinks is the closest and roll with it because he’s desperate to leave.

Even though he’s not exactly having the time of his life, will do it a hundred times over because you are his ✨princess✨

If he had to get another brand which isn’t your usual, he would buy you so much chocolate to make up for it. 

Hopes the chocolate will be enough to cover him if he has fucked up.

Lives for the praise you give him when he comes home.

Makes a note of your products for next time because he will forget. 

Not because he doesn’t care but just because it's new to him and he’s still learning. 

Just wants to be the perfect boyfriend.

Taehyung

Will swim in lava if you asked him to, so this is honestly no big deal to him.

Know’s literally nothing though.

He knows what tampons are so I hope you use them.

Is confident till he gets to the store.

Quickly learns that buying tampons is not just buying tampons.

Stands there with that wide eyed vacant expression for at least five minutes.

“What does flow mean?... and why is it super?”

Just decides on whichever one has the nicest box tbh.

Who says a period can’t be ✨aesthetic✨

If it’s wrong he will deal with the consequences like a man.

And by that I mean, taking his ass back to the store to buy the right thing.

Will remember what you use for future use.

He doesn’t want to do two trips every time.

And also wants you to be able to count on him during your time of the month.

He just loves you so much, ok.

Jungkook

Jungshook™️

Will do it though because he loves you and seeing you in pain and unable to go the store yourself makes his heart hurt to the point he may actually cry.

Also on team knows literally nothing except that tampons exist.

Feels embarrassed in the store but soon gets over it when he remembers he’s doing it for you.

He’s a soft boy ok.

Tries to use his brain to work out what you need.

Needless to say, this is not a golden maknae moment.

Deadass texts you “Jagi, what pussy size do you use?”

It will take you at least five minutes to recover from laughing before you can even text him back.

You have to tell him that’s not how it works.

Wants the ground to swallow him.

Knows he will never live it down.

Buys you so much chocolate in the hope you forget and also because he knows you crave it.

Gets takeout, anything you want, even if it’s not on the way home.

Will beg you not to tell the hyungs about the pussy size incident.

[69dias]

Hii, please can I have a lil enemies to lovers with Jude Bellingham, maybe him and the reade “hate” each other but reader gets hurt and he rushes to take care of her and confesses 😩😩💓

football players get injured — it’s a fact, one that you’ve known of for the years you’ve spent both on and off the pitch, making sure to take every precaution necessary so you don’t end up in recovery for months on end; which is logical and sensible for any player.

it’s unfortunate, though, that a certain jude bellingham makes all of your logic and sense fly out the window.

you don’t know how it starts, really; it started as just a silly argument about where to get dinner of all things that escalated into a fight so vicious that you find yourself chucking random belongings of yours into a spare duffel, vowing to never step foot in the same training facility as him, all while the ‘star-studded’ player follows you, hot on your heels.

his voice, smooth as ever, echoes throughout the empty locker room that you’re emptying out, both of your teammates left behind from the field you’d stormed out of after practice.

“so that’s it, then? you’re leaving?”

“yes, jude. I am, I can’t stand this anymore-“

“can’t stand a little teasing? god, it’s like talking to a child.”

you turn around at that, breathing uneven and eyes zeroed in on his chest so you don’t have to look at his infuriating face (for more reasons than one, but you wouldn’t admit it over your dead body).

“I’ll be out of your hair, then. if I’m such a child.”

he scoffs at that, starting to say your name, but you don’t let him continue, pushing past him with the duffel bag you only half-assedly filled, truly having no intention of actually quitting because of one guy. it couldn’t hurt to make him feel bad, though, which is how you justify the charade, choosing to focus on how you’re going to get home instead of the small pang of hurt that sends a palpable discomfort down your body at how he couldn’t care less about you you leaving because of him.

on that end, upset and on edge, you make your way to the stairs, completely oblivious to how his gaze follows you. you don’t bother to look down, judging your depth perception and the fact that you’ve been climbing up and down these stairs for long enough for there to be no reason to be extra cautious; a decision that catches up to you in record time.

you feel it before you truly gauge what’s happening, right hand instinctively flying out to grab the railing as a sharp, cold pain flies up the same ankle. your eyes lose focus for a beat, head spinning as the ache travels up all through your right side, tears burning in your eyes as you manage to sit down on the step right below the one you missed.

your ears ring, head fuzzy as an onslaught of thoughts fill you; how are you gonna get down the stairs? how will you get help? will you be able to walk? is it a serious injury? will you be able to play? how —

it’s a familiar voice that breaks you out of your spiral, one that you could pick out in a crowd, one that makes your stomach drop in a mix of annoyance and weird butterflies; your life feels like an absolute fucking cliche, too, because the voice belongs to none other than the same man who started the chain reaction to you ending up crouched in pain.

“___! hey, what the hell-“ jude finds his way to you, sitting to your right so he can put a hand over your own, the one that covers your throbbing ankle. “oh darling, does it hurt?”

you nod, his figure a faint blur through the tears that have apparently fallen down your face, but the use of the petname takes your mind off of the aforementioned pain. sure, you’ve heard it before, always making sure to send him a curt roll of your eyes when he finds you after chatting up whoever was on the receiving end of his charms, but the way it rolls of his tongue when he says it makes you uneasy. only, in a good way.

“you’ve gotta be careful,” his voice falls, mumbling something about you being clumsy under his breath as he pushes your hand away from your ankle to look at it. you lock eyes when he looks up, worried face contorting even more when he sees the tears running down your face. “don’t you cry. you’re strong, aren’t you?”

jude has never been this soft towards you, and you almost pull away shocked when his hands reach out to wipe at your tears, but you find yourself leaning into his touch. somehow, his words make you choke out a sob, before breathing in, trying to steady yourself.

“that’s it, just breath.”

“jude,” it’s all you can manage through the pain, teeth gritted as he maneuvers your ankle in a way that sends another jolt of searing pain up your leg. “please, it’s so bad I don’t think I’ll be able to play—“

he cuts you off with a warm hand pressed against your jaw, his other one stroking at the skin of your swollen ankle.

“don’t think about that. don’t you think about that now, yeah? I’m gonna get you someone to help you, and then we’ll think about the future and playing.”

he says it in one breath, no more sweet talking, which is something that hurts you more than you’d like to admit, but the consolation does it’s job. when he gets up to go, you don’t stop him even if you’d like him to stay for longer, putting your hurt ankle first.

“stay put, okay? don’t be stubborn and move.”

despite all your stubbornness, you listen to him.

-

jude ends up being great help, silently staying besides you as a medic lifts you over to the small hospice area at the training facility; surprisingly, you don’t find yourself itching to ask why he’s not leaving, and he doesn’t feel the need to go either, eyes trained on you the entire time you receive treatment.

the ankle injury isn’t that serious — it’s a minor sprain, something that’ll heal itself in a week or two, but you’re advised to not put too much pressure on it regardless, come in for regular physiotherapy, all formalities you don’t end up listening to in favor of staring right back at jude.

he doesn’t manage to match your gaze, eyes falling to where the ice pack lies on your ankle, only to reach forward and adjust it slightly so it actually reaches where you’ve sprained it.

it’s confusing, the changes in his behavior. from nearly driving you out of football to calling you sweet names and taking care of your injuries, it’s almost like he’s playing with your own feelings, and you wait until the doctor slips out to give you two a moment to call him on it, not willing to be a puppet for him to jostle around as he pleases:

“what’s all this for, hm?”

his head snaps up to look at you, eyes finally meeting yours. his are glazed over in something you haven’t really seen in him before, akin to concern.

“what d’you mean?” you have to bite back a laugh at that, his accent so sharp as he questions you right back, but the moment calls against it.

“just… all of this. the helping, the sweet names, all of it. you wouldn’t care if I left football forever just fifteen minutes ago but somehow one injury has you swooning?”

jude sighs at that, pursing his lips and looking away from you in a signature way you’ve seen him do to avoid confrontation.

“can’t friends help each other out?”

“are we even friends? you don’t even like me, jude.”

saying the last part out loud makes your heart ache just a bit, but you can’t exactly focus on it as his own face takes on a cadence of being hurt, for some reason.

“who told you that?”

“you did. you say it all the time, whenever we argue it’s something new about why you don’t like me.”

“you take those seriously?”

“you don’t?”

jude pulls back from where his hand rests on your ankle, shaking his head slowly.

“I don’t. I really — I don’t.”

“you can leave-“

“I don’t want to. I really, really, genuinely like you, ___. And I can’t believe you don’t see that.”

“what, are words of vitriol your love language?” your remark gets a laugh out of you, but he doesn’t seem to catch on to the joke.

“what’s vitriol…”

you bark out another laugh at that, watching as his gaze zeroes in on your face properly. you think of him, how ridiculously attractive he is, you think of his voice calling you darling, and you think of him saying he likes you:

“so what, do you like me as a silly friend to joke around with?”

he doesn’t answer, so you continue.

“because if you like me in any other way I need you to tell me. please.”

desperation doesn’t sound good on you, but you let the plea slip from your mouth because if there’s one thing you hate more than injuries, it’s miscommunication.

“no it’s -“ he takes a deep breath, fiddling with his fingers. “it’s… a lot more than just me liking you as a friend.”

you look away, suddenly feeling hot.

“I guess it’s like… when kids pull the pigtails of the girls they like on the playground, y’know? only I guess I took it too far and made my girl think I hate her.”

the possessive article makes you exhale, a smile pulling at the corners of your lips until you have to bite your lip to stop from being too giddy.

“your girl, huh?”

he grins, more unabashed than you.

“yeah. why? don’t like it?”

“I like it. and for the record, I think I like you a lot more than I’m willing to admit.”

“good. because if you didn’t, I’d for real fling myself off the stairs.”

[mncein]

zcp! : 01. when i get to heaven (half written) —

whoever, and whatever the stranger wants from minji, she totally looks like a creep. and the last thing she would want to do is meet the person. but she knew it was not necessary for her to judge so quickly.

so her plans of avoiding the unknown dropped off seeing that they're walking closer and closer. minji hurriedly posted a tweet, a sort of virtual prayer... in hopes of it helping the current situation that she'll be experiencing sooner or later in her life, just let her be.

you suck in a heavy breath, the feeling of overwrought flowing through your systems while you approach. it wasn't like you haven't gone through your ways of asking a girl for her number, in fact you have a lot of techniques, this girl just has an unusual effect on you.

you gently reach and pat down the wrinkle in the lower area of your clothing, assuming that you look presentable in the eyes of the worker, which was the entire opposite. you had your beanie on, a sweater, some baggy pants you didn't know that was in your closet, hands shoved inside your pockets, and a mask (that you don't know you wore either)? your whole body is nearly covered whole.

that leaves minji to wonder if the word 'cute' was right to describe you, considering the fact that she only had seen your eyes. without further comment, she puts on a smile. you unintentionally got lost on how she put on a grin, that someone else got first in the line, minji can't help but stifle a laugh.

"damn it..." you muttered under your breath. as a reaction, you crossed your arms as you waited in line in embarrassment, avoiding to meet the worker's gaze on you.

minji uncontrollably giggles at what she just saw. well, having a cute creep isn't actually creepy at all, is it? you had the same effect on her that she forgot about her work, and comes back to reality when the customer clears their throat.

...

as you headed home, a frown crept across your face. to your disappointment, there was no zero coke available, and to make matters worse, the friendly girl behind the counter turned out to be a bit of a karen instead of the customer. it was quite a surprise to find that what you thought would be a simple food craving turned into an encounter with someone, less pleasant.

OVERVIEW : oh no! it's not available at the moment ! but what were you doing in mcdonald's at midnight? it was the time where your midnight snack cravings kick in, you couldn't let that one slide; was also the same time that minji meets the most stubborn person ever, and got her manager called. in fact, rather than lessening your unspoken addiction with the beverage, minji recommends you an alternative.

TAGLIST (open) : @yoontoonwhs @haerinkisser @awkwardtoafault @yyxy27 @modanisgf @mym1na

SHARE : masterlist | previous | next

[tsukino-hikari]

Uppermoon Headcannons - Their Weak Points to Their Darling

This is my first actual post that I personally wrote so... Pls don't judge

Warnings: 18+ Content (mentioned), Swearing

Muzan

I'm sorry but I cannot say he isn't hot

So this guy is very possessive and I swear do not mess with him unless you want to lose the ability to walk for weeks to come

BUT even the mighty Muzan Kibutsuji has his weak spots

For instance, when you play with his hair after an absolutely fucked-up week I tell you he will enjoy it

Or when you just... do as he says without complaining and all that shit and he will slightly appreciate it

He would be softer to you than to others but don't get your hopes up... He shall punish you very badly if you misbehave (which is what you do all the time lol)

Since you're his precious doll he will not kill you (fortunately) and will leave bites and hickeys all over you

I swear don't reject them, you'll regret it

For all those Muzan lovers out there I have one thing to tell you: If you behave you shall be blessed with the ability to stay alive in his presence

I swear to God this man is easy to enrage

So be careful, kay?

Kokushibo

My fav Boyyyy

First things first: he is an elegant gentleman that will not hurt his darling without reason (like Muzan)

So you can be more playful with him :)

He makes the best food ever and please reassure him that you love him because my guy is insecure

He will melt even if you give him the smallest of things, such as holding his hand, hugging his waist (I'm sorry but he is TALL), and small kisses on his face

He can get possessive, but only when he feels that being so is necessary to get you to stap with your bullshit

Overall he is a nice guy once you get to know him and I am not lying when I say he is a good cushion to snuggle in

PS he will punish you for your stupidities but will take good care of you afterwards

(Because he doesn't want to lose you, obviously)

@koku-shibou

Douma

Y'all know who this is?

This is the most sadistic person you shall ever encounter in your life

Change my mind

Anyways his soft spots would probably be your aggressiveness, because so far everyone worships him and he doesn't get that often from a human

He finds it cute, how you’re trying so hard to reject him but epically failing

Will tease you till you lose your mind

Will punish you if for no reason because he is a bitch

Sugar Daddy

For all the girls out there that simp him, y’all better be sex-resistant

Cause otherwise you will never be able to leave the bed ever again

Akaza

Lol he looks like he’s proposing

If you’re a girl, prepare for his protectiveness to go from zero to a million

If you’re a guy, prepare for a nice but aggressive guy

Imma go with the female half first because I’m a girl

So basically he will give you literally everything you want without spoiling you one bit

Bento? Ya got bento

Rice balls? You don’t need to ask twice

He is probably the safest boyfriend for girls because you’ll never have to fear him

For guys? Not so safe anymore are we

All I have to say to the male Akaza lovers is that you have to be strong

Cause otherwise you’re gonna get hacked to bits

Hantengu

This guy, your boyfriend?

I honestly do not see this as okay, since he’ll be scared even if you’re within two meters from him

But I guess he can use some love…

Weak spots for you? Everything

I seriously don’t have much to say to this…

Sekido

Possessive man

He’s very hot though

He’ll calm down if you behave and do as he says

Don’t be an idiot unless you wanna get zapped

He has a chill side, don’t worry

As long as you’re alone, he’ll be nice

Just make sure the others aren’t going to barge in on one of your kissing sessions, it really pisses him off

Karaku

He is pleasure itself

He doesn’t have weak points to you cause… you know

Maybe he’ll be chill and less cheery with you sometimes

I do not think that he has weak points

I mean, do we need him to have some? I don’t think so…

Urogi

Literally same as Karaku

Doesn’t need weak points to be better

He already heaven

Just watch out for his claws

Aizetsu

Cute boy will be happy with you

His weak points? You

His soft spot? You

His body pillow? You

He is the babysitter supreme

If you want him to stay good though, you gotta reassure him that you’ll always love him

Because like Kokushibo he is insecure

So be nice, Kay?

Zohakuten

My fav clone!!

As we all know, he is possessive and aggressive like he always was

Dirty mouth

But with you? Perhaps a bit softer

He will stroke your hair with you straddled in his lap

His look would soften if you look at him with your cute, curious eyes

Smile at him, he’ll feel less hatred

If someone interrupts you, they dead by next morning

Overall he’s gonna take care of you slightly roughly, but he’s nice

Gyokko

I don’t like him

Narcissist

So I’m gonna leave him

Gyutaro

He would be much softer with you than with anyone else in this wretched world

Except for Daki

His weak spot? Your kindness

You’re so sweet and kind to him every time you smile at him his brain just goes *malfunction*

If you sing “Scars to Your Beautiful” to him he will cry

Happily, of course

He loves you and will always hold on to you no matter what

You are his ray of sunshine, no way he’s letting you go

Will turn you into a demon because he wants you by his side forever

You’re not seeing any other man

Ever again

Daki

No

Just No

Like HAIL NAH

In short, her weak spots count: zero

Kaigaku

I think he will sing that song Bowser sang

He is sweet

Yes he is do not reject

So y’all know how he’s an asshole to literally everyone? He won’t be to you

He likes going to peach trees with you and just sitting there and eating peaches is very precious to him

Likes it when you sing

Will not let you out of his sight

He is possessive because he is an asshole

But the good way

Get him some peaches and he’ll be happy

You can mess with him all you want, the most he’s gonna do is fuck you nicely

Hehe

I fell off the topic so bad I now hate myself…

I hope y’all enjoyed it!!

[disabledunitypunk]

So, I know this blog has been a lot less active as of late, at least from my part (mod Stars).

I'm gonna be honest; I've been incredibly sick. A combination of some kind of issue with gluten/wheat (may be celiac, or nonceliac gluten intolerance, or wheat allergy) with IBD, MCAS, lactose intolerance and sensory issues, had caught me in such a cycle of degranulation, anaphylaxis, intestinal issues, brain fog, chronic fatigue, and POTS and chronic pain flareups, that I was nonfunctional.

On top of that, anxiety over my partners SSI application (recently medically approved by the administrative law judge, that's a win! still waiting on nonmedical approval but it should hopefully just be a rubber stamp process at this point - knock on wood) has really screwed with my levels of executive dysfunction.

And trauma around medical neglect and abuse, plus being so sick, plus executive dysfunction, had led me to temporarily avoid seeking treatment at all. When I say that the very idea of trying to trick yet another doctor's ego into believing they came up with the idea to test me for the conditions I'm already reasonably certain I have, all while making sure I don't seem too smart, too unintelligent, too articulate, too reliant on google, too self-aware, use too many medical terms, and so on... I've not had the ability to advocate for myself anymore.

Luckily, a friend of mine that's all hellfire agreed to help advocate for me at some of my appointments going forward, so I'm going to be finding a new primary care doc and going forward (possibly seeing my old one a few more times if necessary, just to get re-referrals and maybe get a referral to a non-Medicaid allergist that actually knows what MCAS is) with pursuing diagnoses and treatment again.

Until then, however, I'm pretty much limited to about three foods - plain white or wild rice, "zoup" (a zucchini broth with chunks of carrots, daikon, celery, and wild rice), and raisins. I can drink water and cranberry juice. Between my sensory issues and that tiny list, I've been consistently significantly hungry for a week. I'm struggling to sleep and can't get more than four hours of restless sleep in a night the past few nights. I'm menstruating for the first time in five years for G-d knows why. I feel better and less reactive, especially after an ER visit for some IM decadron, but I am constantly exhausted.

Why do I bring all this up?

This is my daily life. I have near zero quality of life because of the ableism of doctors and failures of the medical system. I'm barely keeping myself alive every day, really only with the help of a lot of caretaking from my partner. I haven't been able to get to my doctor to get approved for that friend willing to advocate for me to be paid for basic caretaking duties by Medicaid. I went out on Saturday for the first time in over a month, and I'll be recovering from that for the next week and a half.

There is not a single minute of my life that isn't profoundly affected by my disabilities. Stress causes a cascading reaction through my MCAS, POTS, ME/CFS. Understimulation causes intense stress and even pain. Listening to music while doing nothing, watching videos, and similar "low energy" activities drain so much energy that they trigger my chronic fatigue, and sometimes cause a lesser reverse cascading reaction.

I can't take an ADHD med to help with the symptoms more disabling than the ones threatening literal anaphylaxis and organ failure because I can't get them compounded without an official MCAS diagnosis, and I'd also need a beta blocker compounded as well (which are are often mast cell triggers) for my POTS because the only ADHD meds that work on me are amphetamines.

I can't take vitamin D or B12 despite being incredibly critically low for the same reasons. I've barely found some OTC benadryl and aleve that I halfway tolerate. I might have a UTI and if I do I'm gonna have to convince doctors 20 years behind the medical literature that IM antibiotics are considered safe and effective and are a safer alternative to oral meds for me, if still risking a minor reaction.

On good days, I can make it between the bed and couch a couple times a day, and between the couch and the toilet. On bad days, I have a chamber pot setup in the bedroom because I can't afford diapers. I'm sure my vitamin D deficiency is not helped by never leaving an apartment that barely gets some sunlight two hours a day because it's in the shadow of the other side of the building.

I used to, on bad days, spend most of the day doing mindless tasks or on slightly less bad days, puzzle games, on my phone. Now, I'm lucky if I can do even that much most days. I AM too sick to play video games. 🥲 I can nap, I can sit with my eyes open, I can listen to music until it's too exhausting anymore.

I'm tired, and every day surviving is just a monumental effort. Again, the ableism of doctors and... actually, they're not failures if they're intentional; the abusive medical system, have not left a single minute of my life untouched.

Multiple times, when talking about online discourse, I've been accused of "wanting to be more disabled than I am", "being physically abled", being "crazy", "delusional", "on something", etc, etc, etc. All for daring to say that ideas like body-mind duality, exclusionism within disabled communities, and similar, are deeply harmful and affect far more than insular online discourse.

Doctors love to shove off chronically ill people into "psych cases". Have anxiety, autism, PTSD, schizophrenia, DID, depression, etc, etc on your chart? Yeah, you're never getting that physical diagnosis. This is what perpetuating and encouraging ideas like "all disabilities are physical OR mental", "people with abc type of disability have privilege over people with xyz type of disability", and so on, DOES.

Sanism is used to perpetuate ableism. Ableism is used to perpetuate sanism. Quite frankly, I'm not sure that neurotypical physically disabled people, non-mad neurodivergent physically disabled people, and physically abled neurodivergent/mad (all as self-identified categories) get just how deeply compounded ableism is when you exist at the intersection of physically disabled and neurodivergent (especially if mentally ill or mad). Or perhaps, the disconnect exists along a line of "profoundly disabled" vs "can access abled hegemony to a significant extent". Perhaps it's both. There is likely elements of how visible a disability is, how much its able to be masked, the type/level/spread of support needs, and so on. There's definitely elements of other marginalization; race, ethnicity, fatness, queerness, and so on.

And then there's the subcategories. Cognitively disabled. Traumatized. Chronically ill. Visually impaired/blind. Deaf/hard of hearing. Intellectual disability. Mobility disabilities. Fluctuating vs static disabilities, support needs, masking, and so on.

Sometimes I wonder, would the people who think I'm just an abled faker who doesn't belong for not being able to seperate my neurodivergence from my physical disabilities, my neurological organs from my body, my inabilities from my inabilities, would they find I'm the same as them when they spend a day in my life? Would they find it worse? Would they find it unbearable in a completely different way from their own struggles? Would they maybe even find that while it's not quite as hard as their own struggles in some cases, that it's still wildly hard and the two are far closer to each other on the scale than they think? Would they understand that we are both in the midst of an active, eugenicist genocide, and that we're 50-49 bullet holes staring down the barrel of a loaded gun that is held by our oppressors?

Even now, I'm thinking about how this post might be inaccessible. Is it readable for screen readers? Will the length be too much for way too many people? Is it understandable for people with intelligence and cognitive disabilities? How do I fix those things if it's not. What am I missing? What am I missing? What am I missing?

I'm exhausted, I'm scared, and I'm barely holding on. I'm safe, mental health wise, to be clear, I'm just convinced that the only reason that I'm not in significant danger from my physical chronic illnesses right now is because I've always had a body that was stubborn as all hell and twice as resilient. I'm not dying, not because the illnesses aren't trying, but because my body will endure far beyond normal limits.

I've experienced slow acting anaphylactic reactions without anaphylactic shock about once a month for 1-2 years now, usually only going in after several days and nights of severe symptoms. Like I've mentioned, several of my vitamin levels are so low as to make organ failure a constant threat. None of my illnesses are "terminal" per se, but that doesn't mean they can't be deadly. And more to the point, it doesn't mean they can't destroy me, that they haven't utterly destroyed my quality of life, without killing me.

I mean, I started this blog as an attempt at fostering solidarity. We CANNOT be quibbling over who really "belongs" in various disability spaces, who gets to reclaim what words or whatever, when so many of us are dealing with this shit.

For the area with the lowest cost of living in the country, SSI should be 5 times what it is now. For the highest, up to 20 times. People on disability benefits lose some or all of their payments, insurance, and so on, if they get married, even to another person on benefits. I've never met a disabled person without more doctor horror stories than diagnoses, and we all know diagnoses like to come in clusters. We are being abused, neglected, and killed.

I cannot stress how much, not that this intracommunity discourse "doesn't matter", but that it does at a deeply harmful level. It's just perpetuation of the abuse we face at a lateral level. We're mimicking the government and doctors and general abled society and getting into petty but deeply dangerous inane arguments that are just us carrying out the only way we've been taught to treat disabled people.

Being a disabled activist and advocate means questioning everything you know about ableism. It means prioritizing first and foremost disabled people. And honestly, speaking as someone whose platform here is dedicated to that, that's really fucking hard. It means believing people about their experiences with disability and oppression in a world that teaches us that the vast majority of disabled people are lying privileged fakers.

It means not believing that people know more about what people with a disability they DON'T have face because of their own disabilities. A little confusing, but essentially someone with disability A without disability B who faces oppression X, can't say that someone with disability B DOESN'T face oppression X, just because they face it. It means not calling the very real harm someone has experienced "misdirected", or making their suffering about you or your subcommunity, just because you've experienced the same or similar harm.

It means unlearning reactivity as a group of extremely traumatized people. It means learning to meet people where they're at, and assume "can't" rather than "won't". It means accepting that sometimes not only will someone's disabilities cause conflicting access needs with your own, but that sometimes people's disabilities can actively cause them to do harm, and that they still deserve rights, community, and support if they do. It also means recognizing that the harm that a disability may cause someone to do is going to look VASTLY different than abled expectations of "harmful" disabilities. It means, even and especially when this happens, recentering the perspective not around how the disability affects other people, but around how it affects the person with the disability.

It's all of this and so much more. It's a lot of effort from people with not a lot to give. It's fighting an upstairs battle with no ramp, so to speak.

And I guess I just... I'm at a loss on how to keep that up. Is just focusing on getting myself well enough to participate again, putting my own mask on first, enough? When there is not a single moment of my life untouched by the extremely deep and extremely systemic harm of ableism, is it enough to try and access the care continually gatekept from me at an individual level? Can I even do so, against such intensive pressure?

How do I live this life, and also go on untangles the narratives of "disabling neurodivergence isn't really a real disability and neurodivergent people face almost no real ableism" and "physical conditions are obvious and so get all the care and face no real ableism". How do I fight the concurrent violences of hypervisibility and erasure within the community that only serve to strengthen abled people bludgeoning us with them?

How do I focus on things like organizing, community building, activism, advocacy, dismantling the system, dismantling our reliance on it, and so much more, when I can't even get out of bed?

All I can do is write about it, right now. Sometimes I feel like that's all I've ever been able to do. Everyone I've ever known has acted like some day my "pen" will be a tool of liberation, but I'm at a loss for how. I'm just some horribly sick mad cripple on a dying microblogging platform on the internet. I don't know - not if I'm enough, but if anything ever can be.

And I don't mean to sound hopeless. I know that change can happen. I know that it is, in tiny and sometimes larger ways, every day.

This is kind of a self-centered post, in the most neutral way. This is just my perspective. This is about me, and how I'm so very disabled, and how people assume I'm not (and how wild that is, considering), and how ableism affects me so deeply, and how I don't know how to face it or fight it...

I can only hope that maybe my word resonating with people means something. That maybe, as much as we never want each other to experience what we have to, that it's also a comfort to know we don't experience it alone. That maybe this will serve as a reminder that it's okay to be scared, to feel lost, even hopeless, to struggle; to not know how to fight or where to turn. That maybe this will reach someone who CAN do something, and maybe it'll reach the people who need to NOT do anything other than take care of themselves, and that maybe it will help both of them.

Maybe that's too grandiose, I don't know. I hardly know what my point is here, other than: this is me, crippled and crazy as all hell. This is the violence I face. This is why I started this blog, because we need to stop hearing "you're a lying abled privileged faker trying to take advantage of and take resources from real disabled people who really need it" from abled people, and saying it word for word to each other. Because what abled people mean by "real disabled people" is just a theoretical disabled person. A perfect victim. They don't mean any real disabled person, especially not those who can advocate for themselves. They mean they think every single one of us doesn't need or deserve accommodations, treatment, respect, humanity, or even life.

That's the point, really. We're all we've got. We've gotta fight for each other, not fight each other. And G-d, I know how hypocritical that sounds coming from my ragey, rabid ass. I just... that's all I know to focus on right now. Not necessarily all coming together and holding hands and singing a song about unity, but just... not being ableist to each other. Tolerating each other even if we can't stand each other. Presenting a united, unbroken front to ableist society, and pushing until they don't have any power over us anymore. Doing the work of activism, which is often neither easy nor feel-good.

That's what I'm trying to do here, at least. I try to get a little better at it every day. I try to listen a little more. I try to keep up hope when my body and mind are crashing down around me.

I don't have a mic-drop conclusion to add to this, so just: I'm opening the floor. Anyone who has anything to add, feel free to do so. What you have to say is valuable.

[noxer]

"Getaway - from hero to zero"

DISCLAIMER: Everything expressed is a subjective opinion that does not claim to be true or significant, I am not justifying anyone, and all this is necessary to simply examine one character under a magnifying glass.

I really love Getaway as a character because you can endlessly interpret him and his actions, even though he only appears in MTMTE and LL, which I remember were written by the same writing team. Getaway is interesting as an antagonist, especially since at first he is presented as a rather likeable character, and at the time of the events of MTMTE his motivation is still quite understandable. And the fact that it's getting such a negative reaction shows how well it's written (or how much people like Cygate). And he’s so pathetic that I want to tenderly bite his head off. So I want to put together what we have on this special agent and see what he’s like. After all, despite the fact that he is revealed to us in comics, we can only guess about many details, since the writers could not show everything as it is, so as not to disrupt the intrigue.

First steps

The only thing we know about Getaway's past is his telling Tailgate about his first battle, from which the newly activated Getaway escaped. I don’t want to analyze specifically the act itself, because it is quite difficult to judge whether this escape was justified or not (pro - what else did the Autobots expect from a newborn?; con - the other MTO, it seems, remained to fight). I want to talk more about the impact of this act on Getaway's personality. Because Getaway is definitely ashamed of what happened, since it doesn’t fit into the image he wants to create. The only reason he shares this story with Tailgate is to a) make Tailgate feel sorry for him; b) instill in Tailgate an even greater sense of hostility towards Decepticons; c) a kind of therapy - he needs to share this with someone, and he doesn’t feel an emotional attachment to Tailgate, that is, he doesn’t care what he thinks about him, plus, Tailgate still has to die according to the plan, which means he’s already won't tell anyone anything.

Shame in most cases leads to anger, either at oneself or at others. Getaway chooses the second, and begins to slowly accumulate resentment and anger towards both the Autobots and the Decepticons, that is, towards those who started this war and thus forced him to be born as a soldier. In addition, the feeling that he is now forever branded a coward lays the first bricks of Getaway's exorbitant ambitions, as a way to make amends for his initial transgression. Let's add to this the very status of Getaway as literally a consumable item - the fact that he could die in the first minutes of his life was quite expected. Then attempts to become something big become a matter not only of ambition, but also of banal survival, because a specialist is less likely to be sent directly under fire than an ordinary soldier.

Diplomatic corps

We know almost nothing about Getaway’s work in the special unit. What I want to highlight here is Getaway's attitude towards Prowl. He clearly has a certain respect for him, and we have no reason to believe that this respect is feigned, if only because Getaway's behavior is in many ways a copy of Prowl's, only a little more inept. Getaway tries to manipulate like Prowl, tries to scheme like Prowl, but since he has less experience being the one who plans the operations rather than the one who executes them, things do not go entirely smoothly. Honestly, I can't get out of my head the image of Prowl berating Getaway not for attempted mutiny, but for how clumsy it was.

I mean, his entire plan rested on one Tailgate, and if something happened (and it did), all, literally all the threads would lead to Getaway. Getaway tries to be smart and accurate, but in the end his actions still amount to brutal blows to the head (sometimes literally), simply because that's how Getaway is used to acting. He is an operative, not a tactician or strategist. He acts here and now, with small goals like “kill X”, “successfully escape”, “survive”, and when fate confronts him with the need for long-term planning, Getaway simply cannot cope. No matter how manipulative the scriptwriters make him out to be, for the most part Getaway behaves almost instinctively. I highlight this this way because a similar pattern of “a small person (bot) trying to seem like something big” is clearly visible in Getaway’s behavior almost always. He tries to be an Autobot, but escapes from his first battle. He tries to be an "evil genius", but in the end, all his plans fail and he gets through only through luck and evil chaotic throwing, in the hope that something will work. He wants to become Prime, but does everything to ensure that his name is associated with this title as little as possible. Getaway may be a villain, but he's primarily a failed villain, not a villain with a plan.

"Primus apotheosis" - or similar symptoms?

I'm actually very wary of the whole "primus apotheosis" situation, because it was only added in LL, and therefore there are some doubts and inconsistencies with MTMTE, but more on that a little later. What do we know at all: there are certain signs that distinguish Prime from among ordinary bots, and Getaway, having discovered them in himself, becomes fixated on this. Why is that? Back to the “I’m-more-than-I-seem” pattern. For Getaway, it is important to be more significant than he is, so much so that he is ready to cling to semi-mythical descriptions just to feel better. In fact, these signs are no better than some “aryan standards” - they are just an easy way to gain superiority over others. For Getaway, “primus apotheosis” is only a consequence of his ambitions and inferiority complex, which took this form due to the war surrounding him and a certain “cult of Prime” that reigned among the Autobots. Since 1) i am a doctor not in the field of psychology, 2) we have no information about the Cybertronian psyche, 3) Freud’s diagnoses is not the most reliable, in principle, it is difficult to say whether Getaway actually has such a disorder, but if yes, it fits perfectly into his image.

Also, the “primus apotheosis” fits into another aspect of Getaway’s personality – his rather contradictory relationship with their god. The Autobots, unlike the Decepticons, in some places still retain a somewhat functional attitude, as well as faith in Primus. From this point of view, Getaway is in a rather unenviable position - he is a MTO who ran away from his battle, that is, in some sense, did not fulfill his function, he is constructed cold, that have long been considered second-class, he is a murderer, no matter what he said. And Getaway simultaneously hates Primus for who he created him, who he forced him to be, and longs for recognition and forgiveness from him. Becoming a Prime was about affirming that he was worthy, that he was forgiven, that everything he had done was right. Because if sinners like Optimus and Rodimus could become Primes, then so could Getaway.

Mutiny

We already know that Getaway hates his origins, and this anger is constantly projected onto others, but especially Megatron. The logical chain is as follows: “if you had not started the war, I would not have been created as MTO, I would not have had to become what I became, I would not have had to prove my right to life, I could have been like others.” For Getaway, Megatron is another obstacle to being as valuable as the others. He dared to start this war, and made Getaway's life like this. I also wonder if Getaway might see killing Megatron as some kind of “redemption”? "I killed the greatest monster in our history, something previous Primes couldn't do, I'm not that hopeless, right?" However, even if you remove the specific reasons, Getaway will still have the motivation to get rid of Megatron, because of whom many, many cybertronians died. Removing the one who started and supported the most destructive war of your species away sounds like a good reason. And Getaway does everything for this purpose, at least until the ill-fated events of LL.

Crucial moment

The difference between Getaway MTMTE and Getaway LL is quite noticeable. In MTMTE, Getaway is motivated precisely by his hatred of Megatron as a military leader; his “primus apotheosis” was only added into LL. In MTMTE, Getaway really was a mini-Prowl - he had a completely understandable and even justified motivation - to get rid of an objectively dangerous crew member - which he solves in a not the most humane way, using Tailgate. Getaway in MTMTE has a lot of likeable traits until we are gradually introduced to his slightly less pleasant sides, making it difficult for us to know how to feel about him. Yes, he put one of the beloved characters in danger, but he did it for a reason we can understand. We get asked a pretty tough question, which is great, right?

Now forget all this. Because in LL, Getaway does terrible things for terrible reasons, and his “primus apotheosis” is revealed, and it just becomes difficult for us to respect him at least as a villain.

But why is this even the case?

Doylist explanation

It was vital to the writers that the core cast was Always Right™. In MTMTE, it was quite easy to sympathize with Getaway (unless you are a fierce fan of Tailgate and Cygate). And since the main goal was the redemption of Megatron, Getaway had to be removed. Because Getaway's character asked this question: "Maybe Megatron can redeem himself. Maybe he deserves it. But what if we, who suffered from his decisions, are physically unable to forgive him after all? Don't we deserve our good ending?" And the writers didn't have an answer to that question (because there's no right answer). And they had to make Getaway much worse so that readers would not have the slightest desire to understand and and accept his ideas.

Watsonian explanation

Getaway has really, truly gone crazy. He has currently spent some time in a cell, unable to move or speak, having previously been held captive by Tyrest for an undetermined amount of time. Yes, Getaway is an operative, his psyche must be prepared, but everyone has their own limit of strength. Getaway later leaves the team at the mercy of DJD because they were the ones who threw him into the cell, even though he was doing them a favor by getting rid of Megatron. Thus, he allows his partner and friend to die, which is also unlikely to contribute to mental health. And as time goes on, Getaway's actions become increasingly desperate and insane in an attempt to survive and reach Cyberutopia, where he hopes he can find forgiveness for all the terrible things he has done. In the end, his last actions are, in order, 1) an attempt to blow up the ship along with himself; 2) unsuccessful suicide attempt; 3) an absolutely senseless attack on Cyclonus, either out of desperation or in the hope that he would kill him; 4) he lost his sense of reality so much that he believed the illusion created by the scraplet colony. By the end of LL, Getaway is more of a hunted animal than the calculating saboteur he was in MTMTE.

Bottom line

So what do we get in the bottom line? Getaway was destined from birth to become a bargaining chip in a conflict to which he had nothing to do. His unsuccessful "debut" began his quest to become something significant, in the hopes that others would forget who he was. Prowl gives him this opportunity, which is why Getaway begins to see him as a role model, adopting his worldview, ways of acting and attitude towards others. At the same time, Getaway “grows up” in an environment where some stereotypes and prejudices, including religious ones, still persist, and there is also an idealized figure of Prime. Since his promotion to special agent has hardly changed anything for Getaway about himself, he becomes fixated on the supposed signs (perhaps with the occasional intervention from Skids), although most of the time he "keeps it under control" until something serious happens. Getaway has loyalties and principles, he can have feelings towards others, and I don't believe his attempts to kill Megatron were always purely selfish. But Getaway puts these feelings aside in favor of “more important things,” because the fear of being a nobody again, of being just MTO running away from battle, is stronger than all his attachments. Getaway is a terrible (and rather unhappy) bot, not because he has always been like this, as they tried to present it in LL, but because between real significance - being important to someone - he chooses false significance - being important to everyone, which the same as being important to no one. It is still easier for Getaway to run away, chasing something illusory, than to fight for something important. And no one is to blame for this but him.

[chutkiandchotte]

IPKKND Enneagram: Arnav Singh Raizada

Enneagram Type: 8 (The Challenger)

The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

Arnav is strongly influenced by his basic type, with minimal wing influences from 7 and 9. Hence, I classify him as a pure Type 8, also called The Challenger or The Protector.

All gifs in this post are NOT by me, they're made by the these amazing people - @loveubarunsobti @phati-sari @jalebi-weds-bluetooth @arziaisfrench (also individually credited below each gif)

(if any of the folks above wish to have their gifs taken off this post, pls let me know, I'll do that!)

Here are some fun facts about type 8s. Tell me if it sounds familiar.

Basic Fear: Being controlled or harmed by others

Basic Desire: To protect themselves (to be in control of their own destiny)

At their best: Self- mastering, they use their strength to improve others' lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring. Caring, generous, and highly competent.

At their worst: Vengeful, ruthless, dictatorial, destructive, emotionally shut off. Use any means, including blackmail or violence, to get obedience from those around them, and recklessly over extend themselves in pursuit of their goals.

(Sidenote: I didn't paraphrase any of this...its taken verbatim from various sites...did the IPK makers refer to Enneagram type 8 when writing Arnav??? lol)

Understanding Arnav's Core Personality as an 8

As their name suggests, 8s love challenges. This is where they shine, this is what they enjoy. Arnav completely embodies this - he thrives when he is fighting to prove himself, loves setting challenges for others, and admires those who manage to compete at his level. I mean, this is basically the entirety of Arshi's courtship lmao.

Another one of Arnav's most 8-esque qualities is that he is a tremendously charismatic leader with a natural tendency towards taking charge and the innate ability to inspire people to follow him. 8s act quickly and decisively in stressful situations, seeking out logical, practical solutions, and taking charge of dealing with troubles. Hence, they often become the rock to cling on to in tough times. They are willing to take the heat for unpopular decisions that they judge to be right. Full of natural confidence, resourceful thinking and common sense, they strive to use their abilities to take care of everyone dependent on them. If they are the head of a family, fairly looking after everyone's needs is important to them. All of this is why he is the Raizada HBIC when he has like 5 elders in line before him. It's not just about the fact that he is AR Designs CEO/billionaire. The Raizadas implicitly trust him to take the right decisions for them because he has proved to be a worthy leader in crisis periods.

At the same time, a source of great annoyance for his family is another of his classic type 8 qualities - 8s do not fear public opinions and can easily defy disapproval if necessary. They will refuse to give in to social conventions that do not suit them, with zero shame or fear of consequences, which can seem inspiring, intimidating, or even infuriating, depending on where you stand lol.

Also like a typical 8, he is extremely ambitious and has impressive willpower which drives him to set, and usually achieve, big goals for himself. Be it his professional ambitions (successful) or his idiotic commitment to fighting his feelings for Khushi (vv unsuccesful; try again next time).

Arnav's shares both of the core fears of an 8. First, he fears being harmed by others. This doesn't imply Arnav is a coward who runs from a physical fight...the opposite. In fact, 8s have tremendous physical endurance, to the point where they are often harmfully negligent of their own health. Arnav has shown this trait repeatedly - the hot tea incident, the multiple times he fainted due to neglect etc etc. So Arnav's fear of harm is not about physical blows but more to do with emotional harm, specifically betrayal or abandonment. 8s absolutely hate the idea of being emotionally dependent on any one and often construct strong emotional armours to push people away and hide their paradoxical inner emotional vulnerability. Ummm...yeah. The turning his head away to hide his face any time a conversation with Anjali (or later Khushi) enters remotely emotional territory. How he makes it a point of pride that Arnav Singh Raizada NEVER says "sorry" or "happy birthday". And of course, the MANY times the extent of his passion towards Khushi freaks him out and he responds by pushing her away by any means possible.

Their second fear is that 8s are terrified of giving any one any power over them - be it social, psychological, sexual or physical. No matter what their sphere of life, retaining and increasing their power is extremely important to them. And Arnav is absolutely obsessed with power and control especially in the romantic/sexual/emotional realm. The most obvious example of this, of course, is how he seeks out romantic relationships that allow him to be minimally emotionally engaged, and where he has much of the control. After the first break up with Lavanya, his indifferent reaction may seem cold and almost cruel to us (and Khushi lol) but from his perspective, that's exactly his ideal relationship - where he remains totally unaffected by being dumped and his heart isn't involved at all. And then OF COURSE his entire relationship with Khushi is defined by this fear. So many of his actions in the show are motivated by a deep fear of the sheer intensity of what Khushi, the girl he is supposed to look down on/ignore/hate, makes him feel.

He is triggered as all hell whenever Khushi proves her totally unconscious power over him (physical or emotional). Such as Diwali when the feelings he has for her almost made him cheat, an action that is abhorrent to him and he is staggered, HORRIFIED by this fact. How does he react? By doing his DAMNDEST to re-exert a measure of control over the situation. The tremendous anger he feels there comes from a place of absolute fear at his loss of control because of the Khushi feelings. Her questions about the poolside moment and the payal highlight to him just how much power she has over him and how close she is to discovering it. And he launches his campaign of trying to "win" over those feelings, trying to erase them and revert to a position of absolute indifference to her and control over himself and his surroundings. Trying to double down on his commitment to the "safe" relationship with Lavanya, one that doesn't threaten his emotional safety one bit, that keeps his heart safe and sound locked away in a dungeon somewhere. Its an absolutely classic type 8 move to pursue a course of action that is not only harmful to others, but also to your own self and in opposition to your other priorities, just so you can prove a point to yourself about control control control. He does NOT believe in marriage or want to be married, certainly not to Lavanya; he doesn't want to be rude to and hurt Khushi and doing so hurts him also; he feels pain when she thinks badly of him or cries due to him - YET - he commits to this very course. He chooses to prioritize his ego, his need for control, over all other considerations, including his own happiness and peace of mind. While on this trip, the utmost need in his mind is to prove that those feelings for Khushi DO NOT control him, even if that means he keeps making choices that are deeply emotionally painful for him and everyone around him.

And if he can't erase or control the feelings, well, at the very least, NO ONE, least of all Khushi, the dangerous wielder of that scary power, should know any thing about them. That's why he does everything to push her away, down to hurling at her that IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING. The gentleman doth protest too much.

This reading can be applied to so many of Arnav's actions, especially some of the cruellest ways he lashes out at Khushi when she has done nothing (at that moment) to really earn it. Like during the contract marriage, he is tortured by the fact that no matter how hard he tries, how much he intellectually loathes her, emotionally, he still feels concern for her. She betrayed him! The worst happened - his worst fear came true - he gave someone power over him and they used it to hurt him emotionally - and he can't even escape the cycle of pain, he has to live in it, every day he has to content with the fact that he harbours intense feelings that keep growing against his will for this traitorous person. It is a nightmare situation for an 8.

The more she starts affecting his mental, emotional and physical reactions in ways that shock him, the more triggered he gets and the more he either pushes her away or pulls her into toxic power games. This is his classic pattern from early on in their whatever-ship, from the increasingly unhinged office challenges post the red sari scene, to the farak padta hai games, to forcing her to marry him, to the entirety of the contract marriage.

It's also because of these core fears that 8s dislike any type of manipulative or lying behaviour. They do not appreciate being made a fool of or being emotionally blackmailed and will immediately be extremely suspicious of any outsider who attempts such things with them. The reason is that they ARE very vulnerable to emotional manipulation from loved ones - so they want to ensure they don't let people in who would take advantage of this weakness.

Arnav as a Stressed/Unhealthy 8

After the first Lavanya break up, Khushi hits a little too close to the truth when she asks Arnav "did you ever even love her at all? are you that heartless?" and Arnav's responds (in essence) "yes, I am heartless, and everything that has happened proved me right. love is a stupid illision and causes nothing but pain, we're better off without it". This is a CLASSIC unhealthy 8 that is totally blocked in his ability to love. Because love requires vulnerability and giving the other person power over you, which contradicts their basic drive for emotional autonomy. An unhealthy 8 is dominated by their core fears and that stops them from experiencing or expressing love in a healthy way.

An 8's hard working and ambitious nature, combined with their emotionally distant tendencies makes them prone to being workaholics and emotionally negligent. This can lead to dissatisfaction and complaints of neglect amongst loved ones. We saw Anjali complain about this multiple times, but it really hits home with Khushi post the kidnapping. After calling her the biggest mistake of his life, all he had to do was say sorry, I love you, I want to stay married to you forever, and Khushi would have forgiven and forgotten everything in an instant. His silence on the matter combined with his emotionally distant/volatile actions fans her insecurities to the point that she first attempts to, and then leaves. This breach is eventually healed only when they are able to have an honest, emotionally vulnerable communication about the nature of his feelings for her and their marriage (this is what the pearl necklace scene is supposed to be - there wasn't much verbal conversation but you know what I mean lol).

The funny thing is, underneath all that emotional coldness, 8s have a potent fear of rejection and abandonment. Subsequently, they are sensitive to any such indicators of dissatisfaction in loved ones. They hate to feel that a loved one is dissatisfied with them or misunderstanding them. This kicks in their fear that they have lost control of the situation - they may be about to be rejected and can do nothing about it. When in an unhealthy space, where they are still ruled by their core fears, they often react by resorting to bullying behaviours to assert their dominance and control over the situation. Even once Arnav, to a degree, accepts his feelings for Khushi, he still choses to woo her through "challenges" (the 24 hour track), blackmail (Buaji's house rent) and threats (I'll pick you up and take you with me if needed Khushi!). It's still extremely difficult for him to be emotionally vulnerable and communicative and leave himself open to being rejected. He prefers power games and challenges. He wants all the cards to always be in his hands.

Stressed 8s often become secretive, fearful, and guarded in their behaviours. The most terrifying thing an 8 can imagine is not merely to be cheated in love - it's to be cheated in love and then have that loved one mockingly laugh at their "victory" over them. I think Arnav does fear confronting Khushi about Shyam because, among other reasons, he can't face it if she also does a turn face like Shyam and starts a villain monologue laughing at him. He definitely knows they had some kind of flirtationship during the Payash wedding and he now believes that was her manipulating him in order to distract him - and it would be torturous to hear this confirmed from her mouth.

It's not just in the love/romance arena that Arnav's unhealthy 8 traits manifest. The Arnav we see in the beginning might be tremendously successful but he isn't exactly a mature, evolved professional. His extreme egoistic behaviour is proof of this. 8s often build up their ego as a defence against the world, becoming extremely sensitive to "slights" to their authority or self-respect. Combative and intimidating to anyone they perceive as a threat, they can become increasingly hard-hearted and cruel in a quest to retain power and "win" against threats. This is ASR at his worst.

Arnav's Journey to a Healthy 8

Khushi's love for him AND his love for her, plays a huge role in Arnav's journey to healing. 8s feel most content and secure when a loved one knows them, and accepts them unconditionally, as they are, no qualification or complaints; they are happiest with a partner, and a family, that has an instinctive understanding of their actions, their feelings, their motivations, without them having to say any of it out loud.

This is why Khushi's words "I know (that you love me) (you don't have to say it)" - both after he apologizes and before they consummate their relationship - hold so much meaning, and affect him so deeply. This is the assurance that he craves, someone who innately just gets him.

Arnav's decision making process on his second wedding day truly embody the moves of a healing 8. Healthy 8s who have overcome their deepest fears, can recognize their paranoia for what it is. They move towards devaluing the importance of "power" and "control" especially in their personal life and make a conscious choice to prioritize real needs (their own and others) over their ego or their fears. Arnav choses love over hatred, hope over fear, and that's an 8 stepping into their best self.

Evolved 8s are open-hearted and caring; they channel the best of their abilities to become passionate yet generous, resourceful yet empathetic, and authoritative yet honourable; a true leader worth following.

Wings - 7 or 9?

Like I said earlier, I classify Arnav as a purer type 8 with minimal influence of his wings. However, between the two, I would say he has a greater influence of his "9" wing than "7" wing.

The 7 wing adds a taste for experiencing life to the fullest and a gregarious, extroverted, risk-taking side to an 8s personality. I considered 8w7 for Arnav because I do think he has a taste for the finer things in life, he has a powerful charismatic aura, and is comfortable with taking risks; but ultimately I discounted it because I don't think any one in their right mind could call him "extroverted" or "gregarious" in the slightest. I also don't think he is experience-oriented like a 8w7 would be, his ambitions are more concerned with his own business, his family, and his power, not with "living life to the fullest".

The 9 wing too does not appear to be a great fit at first glance - 9s are pretty much the opposite of 8s, being peaceful, conflict-avoidant and complacent. These aren't words I associate with ASR lol. Yet, this is what I chose ultimately. The 9 wing supposedly adds a soothing, family-oriented effect to the dominating and wilful 8 personality. Arnav is definitely very family-oriented. Additionally unhealthy 8w9s often exhibit an almost scary duality - a calm, gentle nature with loved ones and then an aggressive mode when faced with threats, at work, etc. ASR/Chotte/Arnavji. Rakshas/Rajkumar. And remember Khushi's comically shocked face when she saw ASR-at-home avatar for the first time?

Early days office Arnav reminds me a lot of 8w9s. 8w9s often combine indifference with aggression, often employing cold, depersonalized violence to exert control over others. Behind their calm and seemingly emotionless demeanour hides an explosive and unpredictable temper. Check and check.

Consider the name of the 8w9: The Bear. Aggressive and scary to outsiders, cuddly with their loved ones. Firm and decisive, but also measured and cooperative. Isn't that Arnav? Especially the Arnav we are left with at the end of the show? I believe Arnav started out a strong 8 with a slight 9 wing influence, but as he matured over time, his natural tendency for the 9 wing also developed in a healthy manner, and he became calmer, more accommodating, more openly loving.

[nordickies]

You’ve gotten into Norway and Sweden’s friendship but are they the kind of friends that would do crazy stuff together or are they more mellow?

A lot of people have asked me to tell more about Norway's and Sweden's relationship, so it's time to talk about it. If Sweden and Denmark are brothers in every negative sense of the word, then Sweden and Norway are like stereotypical sisters. They wouldn't stop nagging and driving each other mad throughout the day, but they would still gossip the whole night and braid each other's hair, ultimately falling asleep in the same bed. I do think that Sweden and Norway are by far the closest of the Nordics, and they rely on each other heavily. Unfortunately, we have nothing to go off of because they have practically zero interactions in the canon, which is crazy to me! But that also means we are free to depict their relationship however we want.

I always imagined that Sweden and Norway grew relatively close to one another and they would interact a lot, even as children. I also view them as similar in age, to the point I have a hard time deciding which one should be older. So it's easier to say they're around the same age. They would interact rather often, sometimes bonding and sometimes squabbling. They just got accustomed to each other's company and thus grew a lot closer. Also, they were just as competitive as they are nowadays. It's definitely a trait they developed during their childhood. They both worked with limited resources for most of their life anyway, so competition was sometimes necessary. And maybe it was a trait that was taught to them. If they both want something, they'll have to fight for it. When they were children, they'd let Denmark be the supposed "head" of the household. Meanwhile, Sweden and Norway went out and brought their share to the table, which they often made into a contest.

Sweden and Norway are each other's best friends, but that also involves a lot of banter and being excessively concerned with beating the other in all kinds of competitions. Whatever the subject, the time, and place, they will make it a matter of life and death. Boardgame nights will always come down to Sweden and Norway fighting over the properties in Monopoly. A beach day that was supposed to be calm and relaxing turns into a competition for which one can swim furthest away. And winter ski trips will always become a speed competition. They will always compare everything between themselves - who has a better car, a greener yard, and more birthday wishes on social media. They don't get tired of comparisons, but everyone else certainly does.

The core aspect of their dynamic is the love-hate relationship. They love to annoy the hell out of each other, söta bror, their sweet brother. But if the other gets bullied, the other would stand up immediately and come to their rescue because no one is allowed to bully their brother - except they themselves, of course.

In sisterly fashion, they like gossiping and sharing rumors they've heard about others. But more than anything, they judge one another. Especially the other's clothing choices seem to provoke a reaction out of them. They'll ask if the other is seriously going to leave the house wearing that but quickly back down and sarcastically say it looks great. But Sweden and Norway, likewise, mock each other for being supposed copycats - constantly blaming the other for mimicking their style or stealing their stuff. Because what is worse than being compared to your sibling all the time? People keep telling them that they kind of look alike, but they definitely don't see it. Sweden and Norway will get very defensive and explain how they're completely different, actually.

But it's just squabbling, not as mean-intentioned as it might seem to an outsider. It's their weird love language. They can mock each other without worrying they'll take it too seriously. Truthfully, they would do anything for the other if needed. Because while they will complain about the other's incompetence and lack of brains, they will still support them without question. They just can't bring themselves to admit that they actually care; it's too corny and not their style at all. If the other calls and asks for help, they would instantly come, but not before joking about how they need a "real Scandinavian" to help them out. And by the end of the day, they sit down for drinks and chat.

One thing they can agree on, however, is the fact that Denmark needs to know his place. They will join forces to tease him. Denmark is used to it and thinks it's just jealousy from his younger siblings. Denmark also tends to play favorites, clearly being gentler and admirable toward Norway, thinking his best friend can do no wrong - while in the same breath dooming Sweden to the deepest part of hell.

While Norway usually finds himself as the voice of reason with Denmark and the one to keep an eye on him, with Sweden, he can just be unapologetically bothersome. He will come in in his muddy hiking clothes, open a bag of chips, and hoard Sweden's couch. And Norway spends a lot of time in Sweden's place. Partly for work-related reasons but also when he just doesn't wanna sit alone in his own house. Iceland and Finland are too far away, and Denmark is always going and doing something else. For Sweden, It's not unheard of for Norway to just come over without warning. He'll stay for a while, doing whatever he does, and leave just as mysteriously as he appeared (with his backpack full of food from the fridge and pantry, which he just refers to as harrytur).

They have been in various unions throughout history, though rarely by their own choice. These unions have definitely left a mark, and there are times when their relationship has been seriously tested. Norway and Sweden need their own spaces, or they will tear each other's heads off. They can tolerate each others' flaws for a while, but at the end of the day, it's good there are at least a few mountains between them.

Sweden can come off as nitpicky or even snobbish, which drives Norway mad. In Norway's eyes, Sweden is too much of a perfectionist. No matter what, they always had to keep up a perfect image, even during the most turbulent times in their unions. Sweden's way of solving issues was to not talk about it and sweep everything under the rug. Also, in their unions, Swe had been the one with the most control and freedom, and the decisions he had made for them seemed like blatant selfishness to Norway. Norway was always expected to do his part, but he never earned the same amount of respect. Even nowadays, Sweden has a tendency to stick his nose into other people's business and even start arranging or solving issues for them. It's no surprise this keeps irritating Norway. Sweden may scold Norway for how he treats his little brother, but Norway snaps at him and says it's none of his business.

On the other hand, Norway's free spirit and negligence drive Sweden mad. Norway has a strong will, which makes him kind of hard to cooperate with, especially once he has set his mind on something. He's very opinionated, but instead of expressing them out loud, he builds up these frustrations, which makes him act inconsiderately and spitefully when things don't go his way. Norway's antisocial behavior and dry output can also make Sweden frustrated and even embarrassed around others. Especially since he himself is so non-confrontational, trying his best to please everyone.

There's also an element of jealousy, maybe not as severe as Denmark and Sweden have with each other, but it's still there. Historically, Sweden was the more prosperous, influential brother Norway had to listen to. But nowadays, the dynamic has turned around, and Sweden can't help but feel a bit jealous. Still, while they like bragging about their successes and superiority, they wouldn't want to humiliate the other. Because what's the fun of competing if you don't have equal chances?

But these unions, even with all their lows, have created a weird dependence between the two. Norway and Sweden get each other; they can understand what they're both going through - even if they despise each other at the moment, which Denmark and Finland fail to do. They're really the only ones who can comfort the other and deal with them even at their lowest. After all, they're both stoic and shy men who have difficulty processing their emotions. Sometimes they wonder how the other deals with their bullshit, but they're brothers at the end of the day; what wouldn't they do for them.

Their interests and hobbies are identical, so it's no wonder that they spend so much of their free time together. Norway and Sweden don't do well in big crowds or gatherings, especially if it's with half-strangers. They highly appreciate the casual and calm atmosphere they have when they hang out. They can sit in silence, doing something mundane, and it's enough for them. However, when one gets bored, they start teasing the other until they're ready to throw hands.

Norway is a natural explorer, and no one really knows what's up with him. Sometimes, he can be the type of friend who just doesn't tell what he has been up to lately. Then he posts a random photo in the group chat, being on the other side of the world. Sweden, however, has calmed down a lot from his youth. He has really adopted the old-man character and lives a relatively calm and ordinary life. Norway isn't too far off himself, but he still tries to desperately bring some sense of adventure to his brother. One way they can do that is by heading out to nature, as they're both notorious for their love for the outdoors. Hiking, skiing, kayaking, practically anything goes. They just pack the car and head out to nature. The reason why Sweden and Norway prefer to do these activities in each other's company is that at least they'll get true peace and quiet. They can communicate almost telepathically; there's no useless talking and chit-chatting in the middle of nowhere. And they can even split paths and explore stuff at their own pace. With Denmark or Finland, this isn't always guaranteed. And both Sweden and Norway are always down to head outdoors, even with short notice. But most importantly, a weekend hiking trip isn't completed unless they end up fighting about who came up with the concept of "friluftsliv", the value of spending time in nature - or arguing over whose place has better hiking trails.

[minecraftbookshelf]

ok so I know you’re writing and probably already thought of this but I’m case you didn’t: the differences in elven courting rituals and oceanic courting rituals, specifically when it comes to wedding gifts. if you have thought about this feel free to ignore but the way I see it

elves live a while,and probably know about the arranged marriages a decent amount of time before they happen, so in between wedding planning and normal life each half of the marriage is planning some extravagant amazing wedding gift like gardens of gold or giant tapestries and stuff like that

meanwhile ocean/swamp folk who don’t live as long probably have more personal gifts, even in arraigned marriages bc they’re still getting to know each other! but either way the gifts are more personal and specifically tailored to the other half

so keeping track we have Scott, panicking bc he has like zero time to plan a wedding and learn a language and make a wedding gift and so the necessary things for life in however little time he has, Jimmy, panicking bc he doesn’t know anything about scott, no one he knows knows anything about scott, and even when they finally meet scott isn’t exactly an open book! so Jimmy is trying to do the same things as scott (tjough his doesn’t need to be as extravagant) in addition to finding out who the hell he’s getting married to and also ruling a kingdom

AND (you thought I was done NO the adhdemons love this concept and filled the no-box fan void with fictional politics) you have Lizzie, Joel, Xornoth, and Iona, who also had to get gifts for each other

first I need you to know that I saw your url and had the immediate gut reaction of "oh same hat!" XD

Anywho

So courting traditions in general:

I don't have too much set in stone currently, lots of ideas and concepts though, because I'm half shaping the story around it and half shaping it around the story, because writing be like that (rip) but I do have a few things.

Rivendell is basically just Tolkein's elves partly isekai-ed into minecraft, lets be real. So I've yoinked the tradition from there of the bride-to-be's family gifting a jewel (usually of magical or historical or familial importance) to the groom-to-be as a sort of pre-dowry. Only because heteronormativity does not exist here it is usually a mutual exchange of gifts. Tapestries and other labor and skill intensive textile arts also play a role because of the importance of textiles in Rivendell culture (see the ask that I'm answering after this one for more details on that) And there is also just a general idea of "a demonstration of what you are bringing to the table" for the actual wedding exchange. Like the most intense and stressful art show where both your entire extended family and also your significant other/others's extended family will be judging it. (Exact form of art varies depending on the skills and interests of the elf in question; culinary, poetry, musical, metal working...the list goes on)

The Swamp has fewer actual universal traditions. Due to their recent (past few centuries) history they are basically two nations that mixed and mingled and also include a few different diasporas interspersed within them. Jimmy himself tends towards more Oceanic traditions, which include things like feats of bravery and provision. This will go both exactly as well as you think it will and genuinely very well. (Oceanic traditions tend towards dramatic and grand gestures and statements. Ability to protect and provide is a huge thing both in the Ocean and the Swamp.)

Also Jimmy absolutely panics and ends up asking a good dozen random citizens for advice.

You also have the added layer of this specific instance being an arranged marriage (which isn't especially unusual) between two empires (which is wildly unusual at their social level) That custom is, in fact, purely an Oceanic one. (Which is why Joel and Lizzie were the previous example)

Most/all of the other Empires don't tend to intermarry their royals because enough Empires don't use familial succession models that it renders it fairly unstable as an alliance technique. There's more context for the Oceanic take on it but that is a whole nother post/will be in the fics explicitly.

The point of all this is that both parties are kind of stressed and trying to figure out how to compromise/accommodate while not really having a fully applicable framework for this situation (on Rivendell's part.)

Rivendell barely has interacted with the other empires for generations let alone married them.

Xornoth and Iona actually had it fairly easy, outside figuring out how to navigate the religious minefield that is Xornoth's entire existence. It was a very matter of fact, business like courtship that Scott and Iona ran with all the stringent focus of a military operation (which it basically was) and not even Xornoth's tendency towards chaos could really do much in the face of that.

In the context of like, personal gifts Joel and Lizzie actually got off really easy because by the time they got married-married they'd technically been married for several years already.

[lightlycareless]

Yo but nerdy incel gammer naoya x bimbo reader 🫦

Heya anon!

I'm sorry this took me far longer than anticipated 💀 I still remember I got this ask when I had a friend over and in the middle of the busiest season of the year lol

But I did not forget! I just had the plotline sitting there... waiting to be written by me lol.

And now, it's here :> I don't think I've ever written a bimbo or incel character in my life, so I beg you to go easy on me 😭 This is what I was able to write with my understanding of those terms 😂 (probably raised to like the nth power but hey, who doesn't like extreme methods 🥴) it's also somewhat long, it's either all or nothing anon!!! so thank you for waiting 🥺❤

anyways, here are the warnings: MINORS DNI. misogyny, objectification, mentions and slight depictions of sexual acts, as well as sexual implications (? I hope that's the right term). A tiny, blink and you miss it kind of fluff. Derogative name calling, but good name calling as well. Overall, Naoya is very... ugh. and Y/N is oblivious as ever 😭also if there's some typos, or weirdly constructed sentences... I'm sorry 🥺.

As always, reblogs, likes and comments are always appreciated ❤❤ Happy reading!

Naoya is on a mission—a stealthy one, evident by his dark sunglasses, dark hoodie, which he wore specifically to hide his distinctive bleached hair, and finally a scowl on his face that would let any onlooker know he was not to be disturbed under any circumstances.

Necessary measures so as to avoid being recognized. But what was the reason behind those safety procedures? Surely, a man of his wealth could afford to hire an assistant to do his errands if he was too… “busy” to do so himself.

But it wasn’t a question of being busy, pretentious, or even uninterested—it’s a matter of secrecy, his identity to remain a mystery; and all because he didn’t want to, or couldn’t be seen indulging in one of his favorite pastimes: gaming.

Thus, a circumstance that had to be dealt through him personally. 

So, with all safety steps in place, he makes way towards the nearest video game store closest to his work, conveniently (or more like unfortunately) located in one of the most frequented malls of the city, in hopes of getting his hands on a brand new copy of whatever popular long-awaited first person shooter came out that season.

He considers himself to be a highly determined and focused person when it comes to pursuing a goal by swiftly evading upcoming crowds of obnoxious shoppers, annoying bystanders that can’t take their business to the sides of the passageway to avoid hindering traffic flow, to finally enter the store and zero-in on looking for his desperately sought after game through the many shelves on the walls.

But the act drops immediately upon noticing a sweet and resonant smell of a perfume, likened to strawberries or cherries, he can’t decide which one, drowning all of his senses.

It’s enough to snap him out of his purposeful trance and send him into an angry mull of just who the fuck thought it was a good idea to spray the store with that awfully distracting smell.

He swirls his head onto the direction of the perpetrator, but just as he was about to silently judge them to death, he notices you.

No, stares at you, wide eyed and speechless upon connecting the dots.

Not only was your scent one to be remarkably notable, but your presence accompanied well the intensity of such perfume, as if that weren’t enough to set all eyes on you.

The first thing that everyone notices, and perhaps what catches him off guard the most, is your stupidly short, off-shoulder, long sleeved pink dress, barely ending just underneath the crease of your bottom. From there, the second most noticeable thing from your attire had to be your thigh high boots. One would think that you were perhaps trying to cover your legs without the actual use thighs, but that assumption would be soon discarded when noting your clothes to be essentially to be a second skin, successfully accentuating each and every one of your curves, leaving nothing to the imagination, and prompting him to dumbfoundedly wonder if you didn’t consider, even for the briefest of seconds, that perhaps this wasn’t the best outfit to go out with.

When he’s able to overcome his initial shock, Naoya proceeds to do what he always does when he finds himself noticing the presence of a woman: attack your presence in the confines in his mind.

First of all, why are you in a store like this? From the very moment he stepped inside he noticed the lack of women—aside from mothers accompanying their sons, much to his relief, for he never correlated one thing with the other, seemingly belonging to two widely different worlds.

It was set from the very start that videogames were supposed to be for male consumption, thus, there's no way you knew what was being sold there.

Did you perhaps think this was some kind of movie store, where you’d be able to find your idiotic romcoms or whatever it is that females watch? Most probably yes.

Secondly, if you somehow knew this was a video game store, it was so obvious that you weren’t here for your own merit. Nuh-uh, women didn’t play video games, without being terrible that is. Or maybe they do, but it’s solely to obtain attention from the other sex and—

Oh, that has to be the reason why you even attended such a place dressed up like that, didn't it? Why would you choose a perfume so striking and an eye-catching outfit, if it wasn’t to get as many eyes on you as you could get?

And you did. In fact, within seconds of silently announcing your arrival, the other shoppers couldn’t stop their glances from sticking onto you as you walked into the store, seemingly unaware of their glimpses and hushed whispers to one another, as you looked around for something to buy. 

«Nothing more than a attention-seeking bitch» Naoya mused as he went back to the shelves before him «As if I were to fall for something that’s clearly bait»

An outstanding contradiction, for as much as he wanted to put himself over the men that were undeniably ogling your figure, he was forcing himself to go back on his search to avoid idiotically looking at you. 

Because with all the berating words he silently attacked you with, he still had to admit that as dense and indecent as you were, you were incredibly attractive.

Another wall that would collapse when he catches your moving figure from the corner of his eye, instinctively making him turn his head towards your direction, breath hitching at his throat when he sees you bending downwards and… flashing him the sight of your white and pink striped panties that has him frigid with bewilderment.

His perverted mind immediately takes him down the three following paths: 

The remembrance of the stereotypical anime girl panties, with a rosy twist that, far from being classic, he can’t help but find intriguing. 

The slight twitch coming from his groin, which he had to control immediately by focusing on everything but you, so as to not look like an impressionable teenager watching porn for the first time—only to fail miserably.

And the notion that you really were oblivious. 

Maybe you were. Because it was apparent to innocent minds that you were only trying to get a better look at the games on the bottom shelf—it wasn’t your fault that your skirt creased upwards and flashed the people around you; but they wouldn’t complain either.

Eitherway, after everything was done and said, Naoya was officially hooked on your presence, because as soon as you leaned back and upwards to your full stature and made way to the employee on the cash register, his gaze followed each and every single one of your steps.

“Hi!” you cheerfully greeted the less-than-deservingly paid employee.

“Yeah?” The young man responds, his head turning from the endless paperwork before him and up to you—his indifferent facade of having to tend to another nameless customer falters for a second when finally noticing you. His eyes widen for a fraction, before going immediately back to his everyday stance when finally composing himself. 

“I have a question…” you say, a slight pout on your lips and a coy look in your eyes, almost as if you were ashamed to be bothering him with your concern, instead of the outfit you were wearing that day.

“Yeah?” He says, and Naoya, who has not removed his undetectable gaze (thanks to his shades) from you, is able to catch his not-so-subtle mocking tone. The young entrepreneur wonders if you noticed such connotations, but judging your cheerful response and your lifestyle, he doubts you to be capable of acknowledging social cues. 

“I was just wondering if you had this game!” you smile, pink manicured nails pointing to the small poster on the counter, the cover art of the newest game in season, coincidentally, the same one Naoya was looking for.

“Oh, that one?” The man taunts “I don’t know, it’s quite popular”

“I know!” You joshed “I was hoping to get one as soon as the store opened, but I had to do some errands first… hope I’m not too late”

“I’m sure you did” He murmurs, now glancing at the screen before him while typing a few words into the keyboard here and there, as if to give the impression that he was checking the availability of the game you wanted, when in reality, he was randomly clicking buttons around the system “Which one are you looking for, the green one or the blue one?”

“PC” You answer directly, and the man’s brows slightly furrow at your tone before going back to his sneerish ways.

“Uh… yeah, sorry miss, looks like we don’t have that one anymore” he shrugs, and Naoya blinks. He was sure to check online to avoid taking on a fruitless trip, there were many copies available due to the pre-order… had he underestimated the popularity of said release? “Should’ve pre-ordered it if you wanted it that badly”

“Aw… don’t tell me that” You sigh, deflating your shoulders and pursing your lips onto another pout. “Do you think you can tell me when you’ll be getting more?” you then plead, no—whine, puppy eyes included, to the man before you. “I really, really want this game…”

The cashier didn’t think that his “playful” actions would lead you into an imploring position, but he can’t say he’s not satisfied with seeing this submissive side of yours.

“Fine” The sight of your body pressed against the counter, gifting him the modest sight of your cleavage is what has him folding to your pleads “I’m not supposed to tell you, but due to high demand we’re getting another shipment overnight, come tomorrow for a copy”

“Oh, thank you so much!! You’re the best, thank you!!!” You grin, excitedly jumping on your axis due to your excitement, and gifting another sight for Naoya and this random employee to enjoy “I’ll be here tomorrow then! I actually have a nail appointment right now, since I don’t like this color anymore—look! It’s quite ugly, isn’t it? I want a brighter color!”

You show him your nails, and he, who isn’t getting paid enough to entertain customers… and isn’t interested in the mundane aspects of his life that don’t entail staring at your figure, just gives you a tight smile and a curt nod.

“I just wanted to see if I could get a copy before my appointment, that's all. See you tomorrow….uh…”

He tells you his name, and you give him another grin.

“Cute name!” You giggle “See you tomorrow then!”

And just as you entered the store, you disappeared. Leaving nothing more than your sweet scent to linger behind. Less than a second after that, everyone goes back to their previous behavior, aside from a few murmurs of disbelief and surprise, as if nothing happened.

Naoya, on the other hand, couldn’t help himself from following you with his eyes as you stepped out of the store back into the mall, but just as you were about to disappear from his sights, a small crowd of people suddenly intercepted you. 

The image is… confusing to him, to say the least—were they your friends? That would’ve explained their sense of familiarity, as well as your all too happy disposition to entertain them, but if so, why didn’t they accompany you?

He wanted to keep starting for a bit longer, at least until he was able to figure out what kind of relationship you had with this surrounding horde, until one of the people behind him snapped him back to reality thanks to the sound of someone clearing their throat, as to remind him he was hoarding a large part of a shelf, so either step aside or… or step aside.

Naoya briefly glances at the annoyed person behind him, before rolling his eyes and heading towards the same cashier that attended you, intent on confirming the words he’d told you.

“Are you out of copies for that game?” Naoya asks, gesturing to the same poster as you.

“This one?” The cashier refers to the large banner behind “Nah, we still have lots of copies, for what console do you need it?”

“Playstation…” Naoya caution, confusion slowly setting in his mind as the employee goes to the back of the store, eventually coming back with his copy. It’s then that he decides to confront him “I thought I heard you say you didn’t have any”

“Oh, that?” He says, scanning the box before placing it on the counter “I was just having a bit of fun, really. You don’t really believe she knew what she was looking for, do you? Probably a gift for her boyfriend or something”

At the mere notion of you having a boyfriend, something likened to disappointment stings Naoya’s core.

“Wouldn’t mind having her come around more often, though” the young man says to fill the silent void between the two. 

Naoya remained silent, but not impassive. Just as he paid his purchase, his mind began the mental work of what he could do with this new angle he hadn’t considered before.

Did this mean you’ll be coming back tomorrow?

Absolutely—you essentially promised this random guy that you’ll be coming back tomorrow, and if you really wanted that game, then you would. 

So, with the determination that your promise provided, he came back again the next day. Discreetly as he’d done the day before, silently awaiting your arrival just a few feet away from the store’s entrance: for the moment you’d grace his sight with your presence.

An hour passed, and you were nowhere to be seen. He’s dangerously close to finishing his break, and past the limit of cursing and berating his naiveness of believing that your ditzy self would actually keep up with a promise you made to a complete stranger.

Naoya is more than ready to head back to his work and forget all of this, until you finally make your entrance.

And with an even skimpier outfit than before—a pink v-neck crop top, a low waisted denim skirt, resting just beneath your belly button, and white boots. 

The way his mind is able to whip away from anger and into perverted intrigue is outstanding. When he was reprimanding himself for being a foolish time-waster, he was now wondering if you were wearing completely white panties, or perhaps blue stripes…? Naoya didn’t bother to think about your bra. It’s obvious you weren’t wearing one anyway, just as the day before, evident by the way your nipples poked through the fabric, so why waste energy thinking about that?

After a few seconds of indecent thoughts, Naoya makes his way towards the inside of the store, hoping to catch a better glance of you—all while putting up the act of an absorbed shopper, and not of a debauched young man.

You didn’t use much of your time to look around, much to Naoya’s dismay who hoped you’d gift him another peek of your panties, instead, you went straight to the cashier, which you excitedly greeted upon recognizing him to be the same from yesterday, followed by asking for the copy he promised to have today.

“Oh, sorry—sold out already” he says matter-of-factly, and your eyes widen.

“What??” you breathe “Oh, don’t tell me I was late again….”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’ll be getting another shipment overnight, though. Why don’t you try tomorrow? I might be able to hold a copy for you”

“Oh, would you really do that?” You ask, eyes glistening with hope “Thank you sooooo much!! You’re really the nicest guy ever…”

And so, you leave.

Naoya wants to scream at the man for seemingly letting you go so easily—but he’s quick to remember that there are a few things that he can’t get away with, especially if they aren’t employees under his company, so instead, he swallows his resentment and leaves the store as well.

His eyes darted across the crowds, hoping to catch a glimpse of you and maybe… well, he wouldn’t consider it stalking if he was just seeing you at a distance, but all technicalities accounted for, he would be “observing” you for a bit.

However, you're nowhere to be found—not even the group that stopped you yesterday was there! You were essentially lost between the crowd, leaving behind yet again, your lingering scent and the flimsy promise of coming back the next day.

Tomorrow came by, to Naoya’s relieving expectation and personal satisfaction upon seeing another skimpy outfit on your body, but to your detriment, for you were received with the same excuse. 

I couldn’t hold the copy, I wasn’t sure if you were coming so I sold it. It’s what he said to you when approaching him. And yet, you didn’t say anything—you didn’t appear to be upset, if anything, you just took it, and came back tomorrow.

Once again, Naoya was there too.

Oh yeah… I told you that, didn’t I? Yeah, we didn’t get any more today. Maybe tomorrow!

Naoya couldn’t really care less about this guys toying intentions with you, however, he’s getting tired of this senseless chase. It was entertaining, sure, he had to admit that he was looking forward to the moment he’d see what kind of outfit you’d wear that day.

However, it was slowly becoming annoying how he had to go out every day, get covered up so no one from his family or business-ventures would catch him essentially hunting an indecent woman, and wait for you as if he were some kind of pet, when it should be the other way around.

And while that may be the primary reasoning of his newfound path, the other subconscious underlying argument was that he hated seeing you give this scumbag all of your attention—and quite stupidly so. A sensation that would’ve been described as anger, if not… jealousy.

No, it couldn’t be jealousy, of course not.

Naoya was never jealous. However, he was protective of things he thought were exclusively reserved for him. And just as it was as noted before, he was one to act firmly and directly when it pertained to something he wanted.

So, having had enough of your endless goose chase with this insignificant man, he decides to put an end to your misery by buying a copy and handing it to you personally, so you can finally set your sights on a man of higher caliber.

“Wait… you… you got this for me?” you faltered while carefully receiving the box from his hands, as if it were the most sacred item in the whole world and could break easily even by an unsuspecting gust of wind, before looking up to him in awe “I—I thought they were gone… How… Did you know I was looking for one?”

“Guess I’m just lucky. Although I’m not sure that’s the console you wanted” Naoya responds, feigning ignorance so as to not reveal he’d actually been stalking you for a while. 

“It’s perfect! You hit it right on the money!” you giggle, giving him a sweet smile that has Naoya growing a bit uncomfortable for the sudden tightness in his pants. 

He tries to distract himself by thinking how fortunate he was that you didn’t ask any more questions regarding his… mysterious assumptions.  But by the way you thankfully offer yourself to him, unknowingly inviting, he’s finding it to be an incredibly strenuous effort. 

“I… I don’t know what to say! Thank you so much!! I’ve been wanting to get this game forever now!! But now I can finally play it, my followers will be eternally grateful to you, kind stranger…” you swoon, and Naoya… Well, he remains speechless, but for another reason now.

“Followers?” Naoya skeptically repeats. He can’t help but judge by your attire that you’re most possibly inclined to have those kinds of followers, but if so, what kind of use would you have with a game of all things? Well, guess he’d just have to find out…

“Oh, right” You sheepishly chuckle as a subtle blush appears on your cheeks. “I’m a streamer! I broadcast whatever game I want to play that day, or what my followers tell me to”

“Streamer” Naoya says to himself, he never thought that this game was actually for you to consume. Guess he misjudged part of the female population. But at the same time, this revelation brings him a much needed lifeline without having to put much of his effort: somewhere to unadulteratedly watch you, and without having to worry who sees him in turn. “Where… Do you stream?”

“On twitch” you reveal “I used to have business cards but I ran out of them a while ago and the new ones haven’t arrived yet… Oh, I know! Do you have social media?”

“I… rarely use it” he responds honestly. His father told him to keep his personal image to the cleanest possible, if he didn’t want to ruin his chances of inheriting the company, that is. 

Didn’t stop him from doing what he wanted, of course, just led him to be more… discreet.

“Eh?! That's impossible! A handsome man like you must have at least an instagram! … Or a girlfriend” you whisper the last part, almost as if you were talking to yourself, but his focus on you allows him to intercept your words as if they were spoken to everyone in the vicinity, and it makes him feel… 

“I… don't” Naoya responds, but he doesn’t know which of your questions. 

Thinking back on it, he was to have a girlfriend—more like an arranged marriage with a daughter of some rich family, or something like that— but it never went through, the family deciding to back away out of nowhere. 

He thinks himself too young to be tied down to difficult commitments anyways, such as women tend to be, so the sudden change fit him well.

And even though it’s been a while since he’d seen her, he can’t help but compare you to that thwarted woman.

While you socially didn’t fit the eccentric criteria of the Zen’in men, far too lewd to fit the traditional values of an old money family like his, Naoya is not cut of the same fabric as them, not entirely anyways, and he knows it wouldn’t have taken much before he found himself seeking you, for his wife wouldn’t give you the entertainment you would undeniably prove him.

“Really? That’s quite a shame…” you wistfully sigh, and just like his answers, he doesn’t know which question you’re responding to. “Well, if you ever decide to open an account, you can find me like this”

You show him a screenshot of your social media handles, and Naoya, quickly, if not desperately, writes down your information.

“Thank you so much, um…” you say once he puts his phone away, pressing your lips together as the pink in your cheeks turns red.

“Naoya” he responds, admiring how a woman as shameless as you could still feel something likened to embarrassment. A delightful… and cute realization. 

“Y/N” You say back “It was nice meeting you, Naoya-kun”

It’s a simple, innocent gesture, the formality of two people becoming acquainted with each other. A straightforward social interaction, but for Naoya, this was nothing but the start of his demise.

From the moment he went back to his office and searched you up on all of your available social media, he started an addiction consisting of keeping up to date with all of your movements.

Whether this be through your instagram, he’s set up notifications to let him know whenever you posted something new, a post, a story, a livestream, it doesn't matter. And he cares even less about what he’s doing when he’s notified about this—he could be in the middle of a meeting with an important client, but if his phone vibrates, letting him know you posted something, he would unlock his phone and check.

And it's with the intricate of his obsession that he began to stalk you whenever he virtually could, and physically as well.

If you tagged yourself to be going somewhere, he’d pull whatever strings he had to pull to be near you. Silently, distantly watching you and your outfits that he’d continue to spend his time guessing just what kind of underwear you’d be wearing, perhaps even lingerie? When he wasn’t “admiring” your outfit, of course. His favorite instances during these outings were when you were alone, away from the small crowd of people he assumed to be your followers, seemingly doing the same as him by hounding you as some kind of piece of meat, to those that acted somewhat civil near you; your friends, which he found surprisingly normal compared to you.

But when you streamed… that’s when it was officially recognized that he had an addiction.

It wouldn’t take him long to figure out that just as how you acted in person, it was heightened x100 times online. It was a mystery as to why you haven’t been banned from the platform for dressing so scandalously, but even if you were, he would personally hunt down the CEO at his HQ to demand the reinstitution of your channel. He needed, wanted, desired to see you everywhere, anywhere.

But just as most addictions go, one day he just couldn’t fill his need.

Naoya didn’t like being pushed to the side, as his useless brothers had always been when it comes down to matters of the company, when he knew he was capable of achieving so much more.

And specially, he didn’t like how you were giving others—your followers, attention.

But he found it hard to approach you for some strange reason. There was something inside his mind that filled him with a sense of fear that had him believing that if he wasn’t careful enough, important enough, you’d disappear from his life.

He had to stand out, he had to get all of your attention on him, as to avoid sinking down into the forgetfulness of your memory, but above all, he needed to be reciprocated with the same toxicity he was giving you, or he'd fail to continue on existing.

So, like any rich man with spending issues his age would do, he started to spend large, ludicrous amounts of money to your persona: either through donations your streams, or by the wishlist link you posted in your description box, carefully selecting the outfits he’d thought would benefit you the most, before adding the entire list on his shopping cart and checking out.

He’d been a silent observer of yours since he began to follow you, but when you dedicated a stream solely to open the uncountable number of boxes that were delivered to your apartment one day, that’s when he finally stepped into your spotlight.

“Naoya… Naoya… it’s familiar to me but I can’t pinpoint where….” you say as you continue to carefully cut another box open, setting your cutter aside and revealing the contents to your followers, which, far from admiring the nice things you’ve gotten or relishing on the fact that someone was kind enough to buy them for you, couldn’t help but show their concern for this sudden big-spender of an admirer.

One even reminded you to be careful, but that message was soon drowned by the swarm of messages from the other side of your fandom that asked you to model the clothes you were showing off.

And you, too distracted by the nice and pretty things this mysterious Naoya guy got for you, remained completely oblivious to the other’s concerns.

“I swear, I had it on the tip of my tongue!” You frown, looking through the box to check there was nothing left behind.

Naoya knew that you wouldn’t read his message, at least not through the large stream of messages that seemed to push down whatever new comment managed to get past your moderators. So, he took it as his personal mission to talk to you via donations. That way, he could ensure you would read what he had to say, and set him aside from the lowly scum that seemed to follow you.

Thus, he sent you another donation of $5000 dollars, with the following words:

“From the store”

You lifted your eyes from the box and onto the screen. Carefully reading the message attached. Naoya felt an indescribable feel of realization upon seeing your smile widen and your eyes glistening with excitement on what seems the moment you finally remembered who he was.

“Oh! That Naoya!” you gasp “You’re the one that got me that game! Oh, how could I forget your kindness! Well, it has been a while since I saw you… so please don’t be too harsh on me”

The chat is quickly inundated with questions of who’s Naoya? And when did that happen?

“I thought I told you guys about him, but I didn’t say his name out of privacy, so it would make sense why you wouldn’t remember—well, that doesn't matter! I think we all owe him a thank you for all he’s given me!”

The chat box is once again inundated by comments of random followers thanking Naoya—a gesture that he paid little to no mind to, for he didn’t do that to get their recognition, at least not theirs. Your undivided attention is what he wanted, but if this is what it took to get there, he’ll take it.

Upon detecting motion on your side, Naoya’s eyes dart away from the messages and back to you, only to be received with a surprise that has his heart skipping a beat and his lungs emptied of air.

You’re closer to the camera, your body slightly leaning forward, enough to reveal the mounds of your breasts, before suggestively looking at the camera and cooing.

“Thank you, Na-o-ya-kun”

It’s so intoxicatingly sweet the way you unknowingly seem to murmur his name. Enrapturing him, and your thousands of followers, by the way look at the camera with those e/c bedroom eyes. Even the way you’re flaunting your body…, it’s almost as if…. As if you were seeing him on the other side of the screen. 

It’s all so personal, so… intimate, that he disconnects from reality at the moment, his mind only being able to focus on the now imprinted image of your body and sound of your voice, and the fiery need building up in his crotch.

He’s done it before. Touched himself at the sight of your image, but never during your streams. He thinks it’s… foul, dirty, and often prefers to do so in the privacy of his bedroom. But when he sees you acting so alluring, and just for him, it was the hook, line, and sinker he needed to chase his release. Even if it somehow manages to stain his keyboard, he doesn’t care, for all that he needs is you.

Naoya doesn’t even realize the moment you ended the stream, but when he does, it's past the third time (or was it fourth?) time he already came to your visage. Upon seeing the familiar offline banner, he thinks it’s time to turn off the computer and head to bed—not without checking the following post you always did when ending your streams, that is.

But just as he’s about to log off for the day, he receives a notification. 

A private message… from you.

[username]: Naoya? I hope I got your username right…

He doesn’t care that you didn’t even bother to check the name of your highest donor of the day or lifetime if he was being noisy about it. All that he can think of is that, after all of his efforts, you finally approached him!

[naoya]: Yeah, it’s me.

[username]: Yay! I’m so glad I got it right! …

Anyways, I just wanted to thank you personally for all that you’ve donated to my streams and… well, once again for the game you got me that one time! I was so tired of going to the mall everyday… you really were like some kind of guardian angel ❤

A guardian angel might be the wrong term—he’s more like a predator, and there’s not a step that he hasn’t meticulously calculated to lure you into his trap.

Which you were doing so easily, as expected from an easy prey like you.

[username]: I don’t know how I can ever repay your kindness, Naoya-kun, but I do think this will be a good head start ❤

Naoya intently stares at the chat box as the three dotted symbol, the one to indicate you to be writing, continues to flicker before him.

Anticipation rises from within him as seconds pass— He doesn’t know what to expect from your silence, perhaps an extensive bible to describe your feelings of appreciation? Women were… mushy like that.

His thoughts were immediately terminated upon seeing 6 files attached to the chat, pictures labeled for Naoya, with a suggestive subject “for you ❤” that hastily prompted him to download your archives as soon as they were safely scanned. 

When the photographs pop up on his screen, his heart skips a beat and his cock twitching  slightly back to life.

You are presenting yourself in a way that’s borderline explicit. And it’s now that he realizes that you are, truly, an oblivious vixen that doesn’t know the dangerous game you’re playing with him.

There was a recurring theme with all photographs, and that was your presence before a mirror, however, each and every portrayal was different: in one, you were sitting down in what seemed to be your bed, phone covering your face, wearing one of the outfits he got you from your wish list: a white skirt, a white crop top and some white bunny ears resting on top of your head.

With your barely distinguishable dainty look, this would’ve been nothing more than an innocent picture, had it not been from the pornographic demonstration you were doing with your delicately separated legs which allowed him to see you were wearing nothing underneath your attire.

He could almost see the intoxicating color from your pussy peeking through your lips, but alas, that wasn’t meant to be… yet.

The next picture had effectively sprung against the painful constraints of his pants: it was of much less sensuality, but inciting nonetheless. You were once again covering your face, this time however, you were far more… assertive when it comes to your posing. Wanting to show off your newest light pink lingerie… you adjusted your body to highlight all of your delicious curves to him… alongside the subtle “peek” of your nipples.

His heart was beating out of his chest when he went through all of the photos, with a grin parting his lips when he came to the dawning conclusion that you were giving him a sample of your body, a tease of what’s his, to ignite his continued interest in you. 

«It seems I might have underestimated you, Y/N…»  he says as his mind produces just all of the nasty things he would do to your body if he only had you underneath him… «But if you want more from me, you’d have to do better than that»

As much as he feels the burning desire to snatch you away from the public eye and keep you locked away just for his use, he knows that’s not the right thing to do for now.

Naobito has taught him many times that part of being a successful man is to know how to play their cards correctly, only to relax once victory is assured and undeniably under his court.

To not be brash and impatient, if he is to see the fruits of his efforts.

So, with great effort, he pushes his lustful desire for you deep inside his essence and sets the next trap.

[naoya]: I didn’t do any of these things for that—although I must admit that you look very cute in all of the outfits.

He’d modestly say, as if he hadn’t furiously jerked off to your pictures seconds prior and subsequently planned his ownership over you.

[username]: Oh no! I didn’t mean to offend you… did you not like them?

[naoya]: Far from that, I liked them greatly, but I was hoping for something else.

[username]: I’ll do anything that you want.

He smiles, he can’t wait for you to say those words in a different context.

[naoya]: How about we go out, get something to eat? 

[username]: Would you really do that for me? I don’t want to abuse your generosity…

[naoya]: I don’t think a beauty like you could ever do that…

[username]: Naoya-kun… you’re too kind to me! And I barely even know you… are you sure this is ok?

The way you described him, act hesitant towards him… it was all energy that if you’d bothered to know him on a more personal level, would never dare to use on him. 

But you don’t need to know that, not right now anyways. Not when he still had to secure the catch.

[naoya]: Set the date and I’ll pick you up. And don’t worry your pretty little head about it. I’m actually… excited to see you. 

[username]: Ah! You’re too smooth for me!! Are you sure you don’t have a girlfriend?! But if it’s no problem… See you the day after tomorrow?

[naoya]: See you then, Y/N..

And so, 2 days pass, and you see him on what turned out to be the first of many “dates” you’d begin to have with Naoya. 

The first place that he would take you, in efforts to impress you and seal your interest in him, was a small restaurant located on the wealthy side of the city, a place known to be prestigious for the likes of him, yet secretive. 

Emphasis on the last word, the main reason why he took you there: You didn’t really fit with what many socialite’s would consider… adequate, more so due to the attire you’ve decided to wear that way—A hot pink mini skirt, with a slit on your left side, and a white long sleeved off-shoulder top, which Naoya quickly noted to be your favorite style. 

Luckily there was no dress code required at the restaurant… not that they would dare kick the Zen’in heir out, but still… 

Either way, as much as he wanted to get in your pants, he didn’t want to be seen attempting to, so he requested to be seated in the most distant part of the restaurant.

Luckily for him, you didn’t question his decision when he ordered the server to place the two of you in a private booth—far too enthralled by the fancy aesthetic of a place you never been before, and never thought you would, to even care.

You felt like a fish out of water, intimidated by this new aura that seemed to provoke a sense of departure from you, but Naoya’s striking golden eyes and handsome smile managed to keep you by his side, as well as the distracting ice-breakers he used to get you to open up to him and become comfortable around him.

Not that he really cared about your personal background, but if he wanted to play the part of listening and caring friend, and see if he had to deal with any loose ends once he finally made you his, he had to commit.

And you obliged, revealing to have a family of living parents which were still married, an older brother who studied accounting, an older sister who studied engineering, both having successful and thriving careers, and… you. The younger sister.

“Do they agree… with your lifestyle?” He has the sudden urge to ask, which makes him immediately regret not being able to control his words, however, his worries escape through a subtle sigh when he hears you respond nonchalantly.

“Oh, I don’t live with them. And it’s been a while since I last saw them, or had contact with them, I guess they’re just too busy to do so!” You giggle, completely oblivious to the information you just disclosed.

«Why am I not surprised?» Naoya silently snickers. If he had to fill the blanks, he assumed that you were kicked out of the house for acting like the whore you are. He had no evidence, but no doubts either. «I have to commend them, really. They unknowingly set you on my path… But don’t worry, I’ll take you under my wing. And who knows? Maybe I'll be able to mold you into a woman they’ll be finally proud of»

“What about you, Naoya-kun? What’s your family like?” You’d ask, and he frowned.

You didn’t need to know of his highly prestigious background, or the wealth that he owned.

Why did you need to know anyways? So you could attempt to suck out money, more than he’s already given you, from him? No, you don’t need to know that—you had no need for that; if you wanted to suck off something it would be his cock, not his family’s riches.

But even then, it doesn’t bother him that much, because he knows because he knows that you’d take whatever it is that he gives you, like the sleazy obedient girl you’re beginning to promise him. So he just gives you the following poor excuse of an answer.

“I don’t like talking about work, baby, it’s stressful and boring most of the time and I don’t want to ruin my time with you bringing that up”

And just as how he expected, you ended up falling for his charm—no, more than falling for him—completely succumbing to his act, evident by the way you pressed your body against him and reached over to softly kiss his cheek, redness in your face as you sheepishly murmured:.

“I’m sorry, Naoya-kun. I didn’t mean to upset you…” you say, resting your head against his shoulder as you inched as close as possible to him and wrapped his arm against your body.

The way he’s able to feel your breasts has him tense and hot in his seat, speechless as you ignorantly continue on with the conversation “We don’t have to talk about that if you don’t want to! How about… what’s your favorite meal from here? Or what do you like to do as a hobby?”

He swears he can feel himself falling in love with your idiocy. He didn’t have to do much to have you folding to his misdirection. If he keeps on this path, it wouldn’t take long before he could claim you as his and finally have fun. 

In fact, he thinks he might need to do less than that, because why else would act that way, if deep inside, you weren’t expecting the same?

That had been his popular belief, until one day, after going out on a date and subsequently bringing you back to your apartment,  he realized he miscalculated your lascivious behavior.

It was after a silent ride back home, late at night, but his mind was anything but quiet. 

The two had gone out to get a few drinks that night, with Naoya hoping to soften you enough to finally get what he wants from you, and you… well, wanting nothing more than to spend more time with the man you eventually labeled as your knight in shining armor.

You had taken perhaps a bit too much to drink to even notice the way Naoya’s gaze was basically eating you from head to toe. And he couldn’t wait for the moment he’d stop the car and finally claim you as his—he initially planned on having you in a more secluded, comfortable area for maximum enjoyment, but the way your body was unknowingly inciting him, by either rubbing against him, even “unintentionally” brushing your ass against his crotch while dancing, he guessed he could take a raincheck on that idea.

When he finally arrives at your familiar apartment complex, he’s quick to turn off the engine, unfasten his seatbelt and lunge himself over you, clashing his hungry lips against yours in such a hurried way that you’re unable to do anything else but whimper against his mouth out of surprise by the sudden action, before melting against his touch.

You moan, indulging in the lustfulness Naoya’s desperation once apparent when he coveted your lips, pulling you as close as possible to him as he continued to devour your mouth. 

It’s almost as if he wanted to imprint your taste in his tongue, giving you little to no space to breathe, no energy to react, aside from whimpers and moans when his lust became too much for you to handle.

Subduing completely when it was time for his thumbs to imprint your figure on them, roaming each and every curve he could get his hands on, areas you never thought were capable of bringing you goosebumps, less jolts of pleasure.

However, as much as Naoya confidently declared his enjoyment of this advancement, you were still struggling to receive his affections as openly as you were supposed to. 

Your mind was struggling to come to a conclusion, for everything happened so suddenly.

A few seconds ago you were looking forward to getting back home, changing into something more comfortable and maybe asking Naoya to stay and watch some movies, but before you were even able to process your arrival, he’d attacked your lips.

To say that you didn’t feel… good for his desire would be a blatant lie, which made this whole ordeal even more difficult.

It was obvious that he wanted you, why else would he do all the nice things he did with you? Yet, it was also obvious what he wanted to do with you, becoming clearer and clearer by the second as he continued to attack your lips, and now, the waistband of your skirt.

However, your indecision would come to a screeching halt when his hands landed on your breasts, groping and pinching the sensitiveness of your mounds, which caused you to gather all of your strength onto your arms and push him away.

His sudden departure is one that goes undetected by Naoya at the first instance, believing it to be nothing more than a reflection of your overwhelmed senses and is quick to attempt to latch back to your body, but when you repeat the same gesture and with a startled face no less, he’s finally able to recognize this as anything but an incident, subsequently discarding any leniency he had towards your initial lapse and look down at you with irrefutable indignation.

“What the fuck?” are the first words that flow past his lips, and this, being the first time you’ve seen his anger, you don't know how to react outside of shyness and regret.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Naoya-kun” you begin to murmur, looking down to your lap “I… well… I—”

“What?” he scowls “Look up to me Y/N.” he orders, and you, hoping to lessen the gravity of your actions, do as requested “What the fuck was that about?!

“I… I don’t know” you confess “I just… I was just startled, that’s all”

“Startled” He repeats mockingly. Naoya wishes to bring the explicit pictures you’ve sent him throughout the duration of this… arrangement, as evidence of your quiet compliance, but he also desires to know what your stupid mind fashioned as a justification to your action, so, he goes down another path. “Did you not expect this to happen one day or the other?”

You remain quiet, unsure what to respond.

“Answer me, Y/N!”

“That’s not… That’s not what I meant” You cry, shaking your head as tears now begin to form in the corner of your eyes. Naoya had never been this… intimidating to you before, but even with this short demonstration, you’re able to say that you never wished to see this ever again. “I just… I just don’t want to ruin what we have”

“What we have…. And what is that, hm?” he sneers, finding your responses to be more and more laughable by the second.

“...I feel like… if we go too fast… you… might not want to see me anymore”

“Huh?” Naoya is, once again, baffled by your seemingly stupid conclusions. Or perhaps you caught on to his intentions? “What are you even talking about”

Silence envelops the two, a crushing stillness that has you feeling more and more hopeless before him and his penetrating gaze.

You wished things would’ve proceeded differently, happening in a much more… wholesome way, as you always imagined your first love to be. 

But you console yourself by remembering that all relationships had rocky moments, and all of them were different. Maybe yours was to have one from the very beginning. 

Whatever the outcome, there’s no denying that you’d been dying to tell him something for a very long time, in fact, you feel it slowly fighting its way out from your heart and onto your throat at this very moment..

And while his actions were a bit unexpected… there was no other way to perceive them than reciprocated feelings, and subsequently, the right moment to tell what you’ve been aching to confess to him….

“I really like you, Naoya” you declare, through ruby-red cheeks and flickering gazes between your trembling fingers and his golden eyes, silently fighting with two sides of your emotions: fear of rejection… and suspense for acceptance. “I’ve… I’ve known for a while now, and there’s nothing more than I would like to be with you! I always look forward to spending time with you, going out with you, and… obviously doing these things too… But… I want to take it slow… because I don’t want to mess it up. I don’t want you to think I wanted something else from you”

Naoya’s eyes widened, and the anger he felt for your unwanted disruption was quickly replaced with surprise.

Did you… did you just… confess your feelings for him?

Oh.

Oh, he doesn’t know what to say, how to react—outside of the sweet relief of accomplishment.

This was way better than he imagined things turning out to be!

Had it been any other woman under this situation, she would’ve pulled out the stops and exited the car, especially after the slightly degrading way he spoke to you just now, and he would’ve naturally set his eyes on a new endeavor, not bothering to mend something unsalvageable.

But that’s not what happened, at all. If anything, you essentially revealed yourself to be captured by his ambitions. 

Not only that, but to be deeply infatuated with him!

These observations bask him with nothing more than a perverted variation of fulfillment a narcissistic person often gets when efficiently manipulating others. The signs of your compliance, even through your slight offense and his disrespect, gave him the understanding that you’ve handed yourself to him to be exploited.

Sure, still somewhat far from what his ultimate goal is, but there’s always something good to rescue out of the bad.

The pieces were finally falling into place and it could literally not have been any more perfect.

“Oh… Y/N” Naoya would eventually respond after a few seconds of silence. His tone is low, soothing, and his face sorrowful, as if attempting to show his regret and pain for having treated you the way he did. “I didn’t mean to scare you, princess…”

You don’t respond, outside a slight pout on your lips and your watery eyes looking up to him.

“Truth to be told… I also have feelings for you. And how couldn’t I? Whenever we go out I have the best time of my life… I did this because I thought you liked me too… but I guess I misinterpreted our relationship”

“Naoya—!”

“It’s ok, I understand. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did... We can just act like this didn’t happen at all and move on, or… stop talking to each other completely”

“No! That’s not what I want!” You gasp, guilt starting to settle in your heart, a sign of Naoya’s manipulation taking a hold of your conscience. “I was… well, startled. It’s my first time feeling this way… so I didn’t know how to react. But I really do like you! I like you a lot! And I want to continue seeing you… if you let me”

“I like you too, Y/N” Naoya murmurs, softly rubbing his thumb against your cheek, wiping away a tear, an endearing distraction to hide the devious intent behind his following actions. “But I’m too hurt by the way you reacted to think about anything else right now”

“Naoya… please don’t say that! I’m very sorry!” you plead as another wave of tears falls down your cheeks “Please don’t be sad… There's nothing more I want than to see you happy! ...Is there…. Is there something I can do to make you feel better?”

Naoya fights as hard as he can to push back a smirk from parting his lips.

“There is something” he threads, slowly, carefully, like a predator ready to pound its prey. “But… I don’t know, it’s stupid—nevermind”

“No, it’s not! It’s not stupid…. Please…. tell me” you whine “please”

“I was just… wondering. As long as something isn’t touched, it means it’s fine with being seen, right? Just like in the museums”

“I… guess that makes sense” you agree, tilting your head to the side as you struggle to understand how that correlates with making him feel better. “But what do you mean?”

It’s painfully obvious that he’s setting you up, but your naïve mind prohibits you from perceiving danger from your beloved Naoya. Making you an even easier target for his immoral desires.

“Your tits”

“W-what?” you blink, perplexed.

“Show me your tits” He repeats, as if it was the most natural, obvious thing to tie in with his analogy, certainly so after a slight argument. “As long as I don’t touch you, it should be fine, right? That way, we can both be happy—I’ll get what I want, and I’ll respect your limits”

“Oh… I don’t know, Naoya… it’s so… sudden”

“Ah, I should’ve known.” he laments, looking away from you. “It was something stupid after all”

“It’s not stupid…”

“No, it is. Forget about it, I shouldn’t have asked you that” he sighs “... I just assumed that… well, since you already send me pictures, you know, the ones where you always look so pretty, I thought it wouldn’t be that much of an issue to ask my girlfriend to do the same but in person”

You were no stranger to generous rain of compliments when you performed rather amicably or dressed up nicely, always seeming to relish on the attention to make you feel appreciated and loved.

But when they came from Naoya, a person you’ve grown to cherish and admire, it gave you a dosage of recognition you never received before. It’s why you were so eager to comply to his requests, whether to go out with him and let him decide each and every location of this outing, taking no consideration to your preferences, stopping a stream simply because he wants to play with you privately, or ultimately changing your schedule to fit his, much to your followers discontent… These were just small sacrifices for him to be happy and perhaps take your relationship to the next step.

You never thought it capable to like Naoya any more than you already did, but you were earnestly proven wrong when he implicitly declared the formalization of his courtship with you.

The apex of your longings makes your heart soar, and just like you’ve always done, obliging to his request.

“Close your eyes” it’s what you tell him, and for the first time in his life, Naoya obeys orders that do not come from him without questioning.

Without seconds to waste, you carefully hook your fingers underneath your top and lift it, stopping just by the beginning of your collar bone and keeping it there as you muster the courage to lay bare before your now boyfriend.

You take a deep breath, swallow your nerves and proceed:

“Open your eyes”

No amount of pictures, or imagination, could ever compare to the reality before him: the pair of soft breasts that he’d been dreaming about for weeks now, were finally revealed to him. And much better than he could’ve ever thought so.

He’d always been one to judge women’s bodies, whether it being an addition or subtraction of something so they would fit his impossible criteria.

But with you, he finds himself admitting that there’s nothing to change—although he wouldn't mind taking a physical test to remove all doubt.

Your breasts were of a perfect size, enough to benevolently fit in his hands. Your nipples, the ones that you’d incessantly tease him with whenever posing for selfies, were protruding just slightly thanks to the cold atmosphere inside the car, which caused him no concern if you wanted the heater to be turned on—if anything, he was grateful you’ve decided to not wear a bra for the day, prompting him to make a mental note on you to eradicate the undergarment from your closet all together.

Naoya wished to defile them in all ways imaginable—mark them as his own, fill them with hickeys, bites, use them as de-stress toys after a long day of work, prohibit you from ever wearing something to cover them from his eyes whenever present, and who knows? If he persists long enough, he just might force something out of them—whatever it took for your little mind to understand these weren’t yours anymore, but his. 

It was highly paradoxical how timidly you were behaving a few minutes ago, even more laughable to see that all that he needed to do was guilt trip you to still get a piece of what he wanted.

The longer he observes you, the stronger the desire inside him to caress you becomes, to the point where he’s no longer able to keep his side of the bargain, and like second nature, his hand begins to approach your skin.

But before he’s able to brush your warmth, you playfully smack his hand away, snapping him out of his trance and looking up to your flushed face.

“You said no touching” you remind him with a giggle, before a shiver bolts through your spine “...I’m cold” 

“Right” Naoya addressed, now observing how you pull your top back in its place before rubbing your arms with your palms. In a way, he was glad that your voice was able to put a stop to this madness he felt slowly growing in the constraints of his pants, because if you didn’t… he didn’t know what he would’ve done. He tested your limits just enough, he knows how to be patient.

“...Did you… like it?” You ask to fill the awkward silence between the two.

“Of course I did, baby. I knew my good girl could never disappoint me”

At the usage of good girl, a nickname you’ve never been graced with before, and the soft smile decorating his handsome face, your heart skips a beat. You seem to be surprised over and over again on just how much you’re able to love Naoya, a realization that prompts you to gift him a sweet smile of your own as you reach to intertwine his fingers with yours.

“I had fun” You say, your thumb softly rubbing his knuckles as you reflect on tonight’s date “I always do whenever we go out”

“That’s good to hear. I also enjoy the time we spend together” Naoya responds with a statement that’s surprisingly genuine coming from him “Let’s get you back to the apartment before it gets too cold”

You nod, and he gets out of the car first. You stay inside, waiting for him to go around and open your door. 

This wasn’t a common agreement, at least not at the beginning; the first time you exited the car without his help he seemed to get pretty upset about it, reminding you that it was his duty as a man to do so. His dedication to chivalry on the subsequent days is what perhaps led you to believe you felt something more than just friendship for him.

Naoya then guides through the apartment complex and onto the metal door you recognized as home.

It was a decent place, your boyfriend noted, not too shabby—with a few adjustments here and there to be done, but nothing urgent. It went well with your income… although he could get you something much better, but for that you’d have to be more than just eye candy.

He watches you put the pin code of your lock, opening the door and stepping inside the apartment. Once he considers you to be safe, he bids you farewell.

But just before he’s able to leave, you tug him by the hand, moving him to just a few inches away from him and pulling him by the collar down to your level, and then, you place your lips onto his for a kiss. 

It lasted for only a few seconds, and it was nothing if not sweet and soft. Your rendition of a farewell, to pour your feelings onto it and remind him just how much you care for him.

And most importantly, your first kiss as boyfriend and girlfriend.

“Goodnight, Naoya” you whisper once you pull away from his face, eyes flickering from a black space next to him and back to his eyes. “I…—Thank you… for… everything. For all the gifts you’ve given me, the places you’ve taken me… and most importantly, for being patient with me. I really am the luckiest girl in the planet for having someone like you”

You peck him on the lips once more and with that, you turn around and vanish into the safety of your home.

Naoya is left behind to deal with the aftermath of today’s successions. He wouldn’t say that it was something he expected, but certainly it’s not something he would complain about.

This could’ve really turned out for the worst, but fate wasn’t to go against those that work hard, just like Naoya had done. Even with this slight delay.

If anything, your sweet kisses were the signal that he was looking for to indicate him he was going down the right path.

He just has to keep watering you, like a flower, and it wouldn’t take long before you finally bear fruits. 

And that’s what it seemed to occur from that day forward.

With the limit of your sexuality already reached, Naoya was able to kick things up a notch: he’d begun to demand far more explicit things from you, things that would literally get you banned from any social media if you even dared to post them. There was no more coy playing, no more teasing: he wanted the absolute exposure of your body for him to indulge in. 

He’d order you to spread the lips of your pussy so he could see the cute color of your insides, showing him the rim of your tight little ass, asking you if you’ve ever touched yourself there, to which you’d deny in embarrassment, for how could he ever assume you’d do something like that! To straight up send him recordings of how you’d play with yourself, if you hypothetically did such a thing.

All things that you obliged without questioning, because there was nothing to be ashamed of, after all, wasn’t he your boyfriend? He was just preparing you for the moment this would eventually happen, so you wouldn’t be too squirmish when he was finally ravishing you.

And his greatest achievement yet, he even managed to convince you to do certain things when you were before him, without the obstacle of a screen between the two. The epitome of his influence would be the day he got you to rub his cock, with the pretense of getting familiar with what would basically be inside you, so as to lessen your tension.

You complied to everything, although shyly, and with hesitance that could be compared to inexperience. But Naoya didn’t care, that was something that could be easily fixable, all that you needed to do was let him guide you and you’d soon be a natural—you already had the theoretical part of what it takes to be a whore thanks to your streaming career, you just needed to nail the practical part with him.

But as close as he felt as he was, he couldn’t be any further away from his goal.

It was only a matter of time before Naoya began to realize that no matter how many gifts he gave you, how many dates he took you to, or how many times he’s tried to convince you that he wants more than just simple touches here and there… you were not succumbing to his needs.

He’d unknowingly bumped into a dead end, and he began to grow desperate.

He’s never had to struggle so much with a woman before—he never had to, his good looks, prestige, and money often did the job. He just had to flaunt it to whatever catch he wanted to obtain and that was it.

But you… you’re fighting back against him. 

You’re confusing, you’re flirtatious with him when online, but when the two of you are together, it is as if you’re a completely different person. Often pulling out the excuse that you want to take things slow with him, that you’re afraid of ruining whatever relationship the two of you have going on, or that you’re too inexperienced and want to feel a bit more confident before going all the way.

He was only willing to play the game of patient, kind, and loving boyfriend without getting anything in return for so long.

His patience was inching dangerously close to its limit, but it wasn’t until one late night after an unfortunate losing streak from his favorite video game that he would begin to lean towards detonation. 

“Oh… um… looks like we lost again” you say as the defeat banner flashes across your screen. This had been, yet again, another loss to add to the countless list of defeats of the day. You were bummed, disappointed. Believing to have all the advantage to win, but as the system marked, it was not to be your fate.

However, these setbacks hold little to no space in your mind, not when you’ve long accepted these are things that happen regularly when playing online. Besides, you were playing alongside Naoya, and you wouldn’t let this minor inconvenience sour the time you were having with him!

“But I still think we did pretty good!” you’d say, attempting to lighten up the mood upon noticing his silence. You might’ve been a bit more easy going when it came to accepting defeat, but Naoya, always the competitive one, had a harder time doing so. Luckily for him, you were there to balance his anguish with your liveliness, just as you hoped by suggesting the following. “Wanna play another match? Or maybe we can take a brea—”

“This is fucking bullshit!” Naoya’s voice suddenly thundered through your headphones, cutting through your words and silencing you subsequently.

It’s not uncommon for Naoya to curse whenever he’s feeling unlucky, so you don’t react much to it. Gaming was one of his few escapades after all, and he lives a rather stressful life thanks to his job (or so you presume, he doesn’t tell you much), so you allow him to do whatever he needs to do to vent out his frustrations.

However, his rage has never extended onto the physical realm, and when the sound you assumed to be his hands slamming against the keyboard became apparent through your speakers, you decided it was necessary to intervene.

“Naoya-kun… hey, it’s ok—” you’d begin, only to be interrupted once more.

“There’s no fucking way we lost!”

“Babe… it happens! Sometimes you’ll get paired with a team of a higher rank, especially after a winning streak, but that’s alright! I’m sure we can win the next one, and if you want, I can bring one of my friends to he—”

“I don’t think the other team was the problem” He suddenly says, grabbing your attention almost immediately upon implying something that went against your common belief. “In fact, I don’t think they’re the problem at all”

“What do you mean?” you cautioned, mind scattering to find a justification behind his wording.

This is only the third day you’ve played this game —which he coincidentally pre-ordered for you just so the two could play together— so it would make sense as to why Naoya would consider you as the reason for this loss, however, this is nothing different from other games from the same genre, if not from a different dynamic here and there.

So, to think you’ve actually cost your team the victory was something you still had trouble accepting completely. “I… still think we did good”

Nonetheless, Naoya’s words were never direct, an ulterior motive always underlying, but your rose-tinted glasses never allowed you to detect such fallacy from your beloved partner. Which would ultimately be your demise.

“God, you’re so stupid, aren’t you?” Naoya accused, having stopped listening to your soothing words from the very moment you opened your mouth. “It’s so clearly obvious and you just can’t fucking see it”

“See… it?” you faltered, feeling even more confused than before “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about, Naoya-kun… our stats are pretty good, I mean, maybe I could’ve focused a bit more when we—”

“Unbelievable, you’re always like this” Naoya mocks, finding your naïve mind to be… incredulous, as he’d always have “It’s always the fucking same, you’re too dumb, too distracted to notice what is going on around you. Why am I even wasting my time with you?”

“Then tell me” you say, trying to fight against the pain his stinging words bring to you—they feel like needles against your heart, but you think of them as him trying to get out his frustration for a long night of defeats, nothing more, nothing less. “Tell me so I won’t do it again”

And he was, in a way. But the percentage relating to his anger before the game was minuscule when it came to the general frustration he’d been carrying towards you for the last few days, and your inability to give him what he wanted. This was nothing more than a cover for his true feelings, which, thanks to your urgency to please him, would finally come undone and plunge him into losing all of his inhibitions.

“Hah! I really do have to spell it out, don’t I? I give you money, I give you food, I give you clothes, and still, you can’t think anything with that stupid little brain of yours, can you?” he’d begin to rant, disclosing the inner thoughts he’d always had when around you.

“I know you’re angry, Naoya-kun, but you don’t have to say that…” to say that you were agonizing due to his words would be an understatement, but even with the pain he’s merciless inflicting on you, you still find it in you to defend his excuses under the basis that he was just angry and that deep inside him, he loved you.

Oh… if only that were true.

“Oh, really? Then how do you want me to say it to you? By ordering you to open your legs and show me? Because that’s the only thing you’re good at—no, not even that!” He laughs “You won’t even do that! Because you’re too afraid, too scared to do something that might ruin what we have” 

He’d said mockingly, using what you trusted him with against you. A clear tactic of a narcissistic, someone that can’t see beyond their own nose. 

This unexpected side of Naoya has you bewildered, disoriented, that you didn’t even notice when you’ve began crying, only that your cheeks were already soaked.

“Stop it, Naoya! You’re being rude!”

“Ah, of course, because when I’m not giving you attention and money, I’m being rude”

“That’s not what I said!” you cried. “I’ve—I’ve never said that! Never!”

“I’m wasting my time with you” He repeats, a sentence that plummets down onto you like a bucket of ice cold water. “I’m giving you all that you want, and yet, you don’t give me what I want, because you apparently want to take things slow—but you're not slow when you’re being a whore to your followers!”

“Naoya!” You bawled “Why—why are you even saying this? It was just a game! We can still play again and win another match! You—you don’t have to get all this angry and ugly with me—!”

“I’m done with you” He says coldly “I’m done spending my fucking time and money with you. I should’ve seen this coming the moment I set eyes on you. Whores like you are only for a good time, but you’re not even good for that”

…

…

…

“...Is that what you think of me?” you manage to ask through a constrained throat. It’s a miracle that you were even able to speak a whole sentence without crying or stammering.

But it was all for naught.

And when time passes, and all that you could hear from Naoya was the occasional exhale from his nose—too consumed by his anger, alongside the sensation that there is nothing more to say— you hang up the call, exit the lobby, and log off.

Naoya somehow manages to go to bed that night: not without repercussions of course.

He’s angered and frustrated when his head hits the pillow. But not because of his actions towards you, no, if anything, he thinks what he did was a long overdue reality check.  

He was upset because all of his efforts officially concluded in fruitless results. For a man as successful as he’d always been, this was a rather unwanted turn of events. He never had to struggle this much to obtain what he wanted, it had always been a matter of just asking and he’d receive it. 

But you, a simple woman with nothing more than air in her head, proved to be more of an annoyance than he ever thought you would be. 

You were promising at first. There was something that pulled his attention to you whenever he found himself with free time to think. 

Yet, that had been a grave miscalculation on his part. Thus, could you blame him for being frustrated? It was only natural that after pouring so much effort, gifts, attention, money onto you, you’d give him something back.

And yet, you didn’t. 

It’s why he allowed himself to last out the way he did. That, and because Naoya knew that you’d be running back to him after your insignificant emotional charade was over. 

After all, he essentially ensured his place in your life after becoming the sole income of your commodities. You were dumb, but not that dumb. And you wouldn’t risk losing all that just by running away, would you?

So, he’s able to go to sleep and move on with his life when the sun rises the next morning.

Taking into consideration his train of thought, the first thing that he does once completely awake is check his phone if there’s any notifications from your part. He doesn’t keep his phone connected to the wi-fi throughout the night under the excuse of not wanting to receive messages from work—if it was urgent, then they’ll have to wait until he’s at the office.

Something that you knew perfectly, which led you to message him directly to his personal number first thing in the morning. A short good morning! Text which came either before you went to bed after a long stream, or when waking up…

He glances at the “messages” app in hopes of finding a red circle on its corner. It’s there, but...

There’s nothing from your section.

There are no new messages from you. The only ones filling his inbox are those of his brothers demanding an explanation regarding his bank statement which had suddenly been plagued with incalculable expenses from a few weeks ago to now.

The answer was obvious, everything pertains to you, but he’s not one to tell them things that aren’t his business so he limits himself to rolls his eyes and deletes their messages before moving onto your social media.

If you haven't messaged him there, he was sure he’d find you to be active on your instagram. It was your most active social media, the place you’d spent most of your time, right after twitch, under the pretense of wanting to share a bit of your personal to your large following. He considered it to be… redundant, nothing more than to show off. But as the businessman as he was, he had to commend your commitment to keep them hooked on your “brand”

Naoya once attempted to get you to stop posting all together, so as to keep you solely for his eyes, but you denied his request, citing that “you couldn’t defraud your faithful followers!”

Noting this to be a senseless battle, he lets it go.

So, he rightfully assumes that you were already posting shit about being hurt and betrayed and whatnot, all in an attempt to obtain pity from them, because he’d be damned if he decides to allow it from himself.

But… he’s wrong.

There’s nothing new coming from your side. No new story, no new post, not even a livestream—nothing but complete radio silence.

He wants to admit that this is somewhat concerning considering how active you are throughout the day, but his pride is all too powerful to even let him feel anything else but anger, tricking him into believing that this is nothing more than a cry for attention for your followers, or more specifically, him.

So, he closes the app, gets ready, and moves on with his day. 

He goes to work as if nothing happened, finishing up some projects that his family has been pestering him about for the past few weeks, a timeline that he could’ve easily spent focusing on his job instead of you, but for someone as talented as him, it was only a matter of focusing for a few hours to get done with all of them.

It’s during his lunch break that he finally decides to check his phone for traces of your presence. Naoya expects you to have already messaged him, probably hungry trying to get a free meal out of him—only to be surprised that you remained quiet. There isn’t an update to be found anywhere from your social media, not even directly to him.

You were essentially off the grid for well above 12 hours and he… he can’t help but start to feel worried. But his concern doesn’t flood him until you missed your scheduled stream for the day and the subsequent ones.

Your followers were also aware of your sudden silence, but their assumptions are not confirmed until you went a whole week without posting anything. It’s only then that they decide to flood your posts with comments to reflect their concern, and hopefully… an answer to this agonizing mystery.

It’s rare for you to miss so many streams like this, I hope you’re ok, Y/N-chan 🙁

What happened?? Are you sick or something? I was looking forward to tonight's stream! It’s the only day I get to see you!

Maybe she forgot about it??

Nah, that’s impossible, she never does that, not without telling us anyways.

Did she get hacked maybe?

Don’t think so, all of her things are still here. If she were hacked, she would’ve started posting some crypto shit.

Did she go missing?? Can someone ask any of her friends if she’s ok??

It was only a matter of time she would ditch us after getting all that money from us. She scammed us 🙄

Scam?? Are you an idiot??? She’s giving us free content, the least you could do is support her! Besides, this is very rare coming from her…  Something must be going on; if you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.

She could be in danger for all we know… should we call the authorities?

The last comment makes something daunting resonate inside Naoya—agitation strikes his chest as he plunges for his phone and types your number. 

He… he doesn’t think you’d actually do something just because you were upset with him… right? But there’s nothing wrong in making sure either! 

But what if you did? What if you did do something because of what—

For the first time in his life, he finds himself indecisive when it comes to you, sinking deeper and deeper into his despair when the phone continues to ring and you are yet to pick up.

At least you haven’t blocked him, he attempts to console himself, or discarded your phone because either option would’ve sent him straight voicemail or the warning messaging of a disconnected number.

Alternatives that did nothing to ease his concern, worsening when each attempt continued to give him the same results.

His apprehension is eating him alive, and by each passing day, each passing hour, he can’t stop thinking about you, that is, until he finally concludes that he needs to know if you’re alive, or that at least still living in the same city, or he won’t be able to live anymore.

A newfound determination Which leads him to muster up all his courage and make way to your apartment once and for all.

He jumps out of the car as soon as the engine is turned off, not caring if he locked the doors or if he parked in the right spot—the neighbors could call a tow truck, or rob him for all he cared for. All that he wanted to do was see you again.

Naoya runs towards your apartment complex, skipping through the steps until he arrives at your recognizable door, frantically ringing your doorbell to urge whoever’s on the other side of the door to attend to him. 

His heart is beating painfully against his chest, ears ringing as nobody seems to answer his call—a dark premonition becoming a reality.

Did you really leave? Did his words really hurt you that much, that you decided to just leave everything behind and disconnect from the world? No. That couldn’t be—you wouldn’t dare leave him without saying a word! He… he gave you everything you ever wanted, how could you let a few words he only meant at the heat of the moment change what the two of you had? What you felt for him?! It didn’t matter, if that was the case, then the only thing he had left to do was to find you. Bring you back to him even if it means going to the end of the world to do so.

His family had connections all across the country, he was sure he could set some kind of bounty on you to find your whereabouts, and once you’re back with him, he would never—

“Coming!” A voice comes from the other door. It’s soft, distant, but carried an urgency as if the owner had been busy prior to their visit and was now rushing to tend to the door. It’s enough to quiet his rambling mind, at least for a few seconds. Unfortunately, his body continued to tremble with uneasiness, more so when quick footsteps were now heard within the vicinity.

The lock clicks open, and the door slowly slides to the outside.

Naoya’s blurry gaze falls onto the figure before him, releasing a heavy breath once he realizes who it is.

It’s you.

Naoya feels both elated and relieved to see you still living in the same apartment, and seemingly safe and sound, but you don’t hold the same sentiment, in fact, your intrigued face is quick to change into one of anger once you realize it’s your ex-boyfriend visiting you, and in accordance to your feelings, you’re quick to reach out for the door knob and slam the door shut on his face, that is, if he hadn’t been fast enough to see your reaction coming from a mile away and put his foot between the door and the frame, trapping you into confront him.

“Wait!” He huffs, placing his fingers on the edge of the door (while silently hoping you wouldn’t crush them) and pulls it back “Don’t—Don’t close the door on me!”

“Leave me alone!” you cry back, tugging and pulling at the door as hard as you can, almost as if you were intending to crush his fingers, or foot, or maybe even both. But having the upper hand when it comes to strength, Naoya is finally able to pull the door away from your grasp, forcing you to react with a quick gasp. “I—I said leave me alone! Why are you even here?!!”

“Isn’t it obvious?!” He cries back, pushing his way into your apartment. “I wanted to see you!” 

“And what for, huh?! Why—Why would you even want to see a stupid woman like me?!” 

Naoya is hit with a slight wave of regret upon being on the receiving end of his mistreatment. It has his conscience vacillating for a quick second before latching back to reality and refocusing on you.

“I just want to talk” He frowned “You were basically gone for a few days, don’t you think that’d be concerning for anyone?!”

“Why would it?” you breathe “You said I was nothing more than a whore—no, less than that! Why—why would anyone care—care about someone as worthless as me?!”

“Because you’re not worthless to me” Naoya blurts, and now it’s your turn to waver. It’s like whiplash after the last conversation you had with him—a sensation that naturally has you doubting his words.

“That’s not what you—”

“Yes! I know what I said!” He groans out of frustration, the harsh tone of his voice makes you flinch and take a step away from him. Naoya quickly notices your jolted eyes, and in fear of pushing you into another vanishing spiral, his eyes soften. “Just— please, I want to talk”

Whether to hurry this whole ordeal to an end, or because you never expected him to come seeking you… you allow him to stay.  

Naoya would’ve never assumed something happened to you by the looks of your apartment—it looked cleaned, organized, and decorated with things he recognized to be part of your hobbies.

An easy expectation to have, for he’d never visited your apartment in the short time he was dating you.

Had he been there before, he would’ve noticed that the cups were no longer in their respective cupboard, or that you have been eating nothing more than what you considered comfort food, an unhealthy lifestyle to reflect your unhealthy thoughts—but even if he became aware of that, you doubted he would’ve even cared.

However, your… “casual” attire stepped in where your home failed to do so. You were wearing nothing more than a light blue fleece tracksuit, a makeup-free face and a hairstyle that implied your need to stay inside the house, caring less if you looked good or not, you just wanted to be comfortable… and alone.

And if none of these things helped him understand your feelings, the somber look in your eyes, nothing but a shadow of the joyful glint they would usually carry, would.

Guilt sinks deeper inside his core as you proceed to close the door behind him, making your way back to one of the couches in your small living room and sitting as far away as possible from him.

By the way you refused to speak to him, not even to show common courtesy and offer him a glass of water, Naoya soon realizes it’s your method of telling him to start the conversation. After all, he’s the one that wanted to talk, no? Why shouldn’t he be the one to do so?

He’d been in situations where he’s the one leading conversations, through different and tense meetings that often entailed important deals that could either make or break his company and the legacy of his family.

In other words, Naoya is no stranger to stress and public speaking.

However, none of those nerve-wracking moments could compare to what he’s feeling now: he would’ve never imagined that talking to a woman, of all things, could have him shaking like a leaf.

But you weren’t any woman— you were the one he’d been fancying for a while now, invested so much time, so much energy… as well as gravely wronged.

All things that he’s never had the fortune of encountering before, but he wasn’t raised to cower away from the face of uncertainty, and just like his father taught him, he decides to approach the situation with the obvious.

“You… you’ve been gone” He begins, tensely looking at you as he debates whether to sit by your side or remain on his spot “And you’ve been avoiding me too”

“I needed a break” is all that you say, perhaps to deflect facing the truth. However, both knew this was nothing more than a fallacy and it wouldn’t take long before he calls it out.

“That’s bullshit!” He argued, a bit too loud for your liking, and you frown. Upon seeing your scrunched face, he’s washed over by another wave of guilt and retracts his words. “I mean… that’s not true. You never go absent on social media”

“What do you want me to say, Naoya?”

“The truth, for a start”

“If you’re going to act like that, you can leave my apartment—” you say, intending to push yourself up from the sofa, but Naoya walks over to your spot before you can do as much as lift an inch away from the furniture, followed by sitting by your side to keep you there.

“Fine, fine!” He breathes, holding your arm “I was worried, ok? You didn’t even answer my calls”

“I didn’t think you would care—I mean, who would care for a less-than-a-whore person like me? And don’t touch me!” you tug your arm away from him. 

“I didn’t think you’d overrea—”

“Shut it, Naoya!” you scolded “Is this—Is this all that you came here to do? Make fun of my feelings?! You—you hurt me!! I didn’t want to take your words at heart, thinking it to be nothing more than your anger speaking but when you started calling me those awful names…. that’s when I knew everything was a lie”

“What do you mean by a lie?” He counters “I gave you all you ever wanted, didn’t I?!”

“That’s not even the point! And even if it was… I—I thought you did it because you liked me. Me! Not…. not the person I was before the camera or in my social media, but because you wanted me. But… you don’t like me, do you? You don’t like me at all” 

Naoya blinks “How did you even get to that conclusion? We basically spent all of our free time together!”

“Because you don’t tell me anything about you! About your family, about your work. You don’t let me visit you at your office, you don’t want to go to public places, you haven’t even introduced me to your friends! It’s like you’re ashamed of me!” you sobbed, hiding your face with your hands to avoid embarrassing yourself before him any further “You made me feel ashamed of myself, that I—I thought maybe I… I shouldn’t even bother being here”

“What?” Naoya sputters, inching closer to you and grabbing your wrist in hopes of pulling them away from your face, but all that you do is turn away from him. “You can’t possibly be serious—”

“Am I lying?!” you shriek “Do you not avoid the topic whenever I ask you about your job, or your family, or when I tell you about places we could go, but you just shut them down because it’s too frequented?!”

“Now it’s a problem if I want to go somewhere private?!”

“Just admit that you don’t want to be seen in the public with me! That you’re ashamed of being with a whore like me! Why—why did you even stick around for so long if you don’t even like me?!”

If he was to answer that question, it would be an easy, direct “I just wanted to fuck you” explanation.

However… his conscience can’t seem to formulate that thought at the moment, because the reality was that… he no longer felt like that towards you.

In fact, he didn’t feel like that for you for a long time. now.

What initially started as just another “high-maintenance” hook up, nothing more of a relationship of benefit slowly became… something else.

Truth to be told, he was in complete agony the days you were absent in his life. He tried to focus on his job, get projects done, hold meetings, interview new candidates… but he couldn't. His mind always found himself back on your silent social media, or your non-responsive messaging chat, the vacancy of your cheerful good morning! That would greet him before anyone else.

The congratulatory cheer when he’d occasionally confide in you of a job well done after a long day at work, or the euphoric glint in your eye whenever you opened one of his gifts, followed by a hug and kiss on the cheek as a thank you before showing it off to your followers.

The silly videos you'd send him thinking they would make him laugh, or the long gaming sessions you’d give him, and only him, even when you have a large following that would literally do anything to be in the same room as you…

Or how you’d remember the little mundane details of his hobbies by gifting him items relating to such details, such as the newest manga book from whatever series he was currently reading, or a shirt that you saw one day at the mall and thought would fit him nicely.

Attention that none of the other women had bothered to give him, at least not as heart warming and genuine as you’ve done. 

They might’ve been appreciative of what he’d done, but it was clear that there were no intentions of appreciating him as a person. As Naoya, and not the heir of a rich company.

But you didn’t. He felt seen with you and…

And he didn’t know what he had until he’d lost it. When his hot headedness led him to discard you and subsequently, to the prospect of never seeing you again.

It’s now, found in your warm presence after so many cold absences, and in the reflections of all that you’ve done to him, that he realizes that you’ve always given him what he wanted and that he’s unequivocally fallen in love with you.

“I see” you murmur upon noticing his silence and… taking it as an affirmation to your painful suspicions “...please, leave me alone. And don’t look for me, I won’t be staying here any longer”

Naoya can’t move.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I have things to pack” you say as you stand up “I would appreciate it if you left me to do what I need to do”

He can’t believe your words. Or more like, he doesn’t want to believe them.

His worst fear, a life without you, is just moments away from becoming true. You had… had decided you no longer wanted him to be in your life—you were more than ready to toss him away, and… leave, never to see him again.

And that—that hurt him.

Is this how you felt when he told you all those things?

Oh… how could he ever do this to you?

He—he can’t let this end that way. He can’t let you go, not… not like this.

So, just as you were walking away, presumably heading back to your bedroom, Naoya jumped up from the sofa and ran towards you. You yelp as he pulls you by the arm and into his chest, quick to wrap his arms around you as he holds you as tight as he can without hurting you.

You thrashed and pushed him as hard as you could, wanting nothing more than to be away from the man that broke your heart in a million, irreparable pieces and never see him again.

But he can’t let you go, not until you hear what he was now absolutely sure of.

“I don’t like you” Naoya says, and you believe your heart to crumple once more, that is until… “I love you”

“W—what?” you gasp the only words that could escape your lips in this moment of incredulity.

“You heard me” he remarked “I… love you, Y/N”

“Don’t lie to me! I can’t—I can’t deal with more pain… please”

“You’re none of those mean words I told you” he continues on “I was angry, misguided for what I thought you wanted from me, what I thought I wanted from you, but these days without you have been nothing more than pure agony”

“Then why… why would you call me that?” you whispered against his shirt, quieting down your attack against him. “Why would you push me away?”

Because he was afraid you weren’t as interested in him as he was in you.

A materialistic world was all that Naoya has ever known in his life—give people what they want, and you’d be getting what you wanted.

But it seemed that no matter what he did, you just… never seemed to completely give yourself to him, almost as if you were holding off because… because you didn’t want him.

“I got… jealous… and scared” is what he’s willing to admit “I get jealous when I see you get all that attention… I just… I just think that maybe—”

“I might look at someone else?”

Naoya doesn’t respond, and you take his silence as a positive answer.

“Oh… Naoya….” you finally look up to him, soft eyes landing on his watery ones. “I would never, you know I would never”

He doesn’t want to respond, too ashamed to have believed you capable of pain, when all you’ve given him was happiness.

“It… also hurt me to be away from you… because… because I—I love you too”

Naoya freezes. It was now his moment to doubt his ears.

“Do you… do you mean that?”

“Of course I do” you smile with a sniffle “I thought I told you before but I’ll tell you again—I’ve never felt the way I do with you with anyone else. With you… I feel loved, safe. And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than with you… so it pains me to hear that you’d think I would ever leave you”

“I'm just worried… you have a large following that seem to adore you”

“Well, that’s my job” You remind him “And… It's how we met… If I didn’t stream video games, we would've never met at that store… and subsequently, I would’ve never fallen in love with you. But… if it’s something that you don’t like… I can’t stop it all together”

“Would you do that for me?” Naoya asks, surprised by your sudden suggestion.

“...I didn’t like being away from you” you admit, pressing your cheek against his chest and listening to the soothing sound of his heartbeat. “You’re the only one that… has ever treated me like this. How you do… as nicely, lovingly as you do”

“...does this mean you won’t leave?” Naoya asks, and you shake your head.

“... I wasn’t planning on doing so permanently… I just wanted to try something differently”

“And your followers?”

“I… can arrange something. I know they’re not going to take it well but… I’m sure they’ll get over it” you grin “But I’m not sure how I’m going to pay for this apartment if I’m not working anymore”

“Come live with me”

“Wh—What?”

“... I can get something just for the two of us, away from our family” Naoya explains “The reason why I kept you away is because they’re not known for being very… friendly. If I told you just the amount of shit they get me into because they’re jealous of me”

“You don’t have to tell me anymore” You chuckle. “I believe you”

“Well, we should get back to packing your things if you want to move to my apartment”

“Now?!” You gasp “But I can’t leave if I have a lease!”

“Leave that to me, I’m sure your landlord wouldn’t mind getting an extra for your release”

“Oh, Naoya… I… I don’t know how I can ever repay you for all of this!”

“You can start… by doing my lunch” he sheepishly suggests, and the way your face lightens up has his heart fluttering.

“Does that mean…?”

“On certain occasions, there are days I have to go out”

You don’t let him say anything else as you pepper him with kisses all over his face. A gesture that Naoya takes with great pleasure as he reciprocates it with kisses of his own.

And so, this seals your acceptance of his apology. Followed by packing your things, changing your clothes, and leaving the apartment as soon as you were ready to go into his car and face your new life alongside him.

And how couldn’t you? He’s kind, loving, attentive, the kind of person anyone would want as a partner. He even looked for you to recognize he had messed up. 

It might also help that he’s the heir of a prestigious company, but you don’t think that influenced much when it came to forgiving him. 

Had you known he came from an important family, you would’ve treated him differently. You would’ve never set eyes on him after seeing him in a social event. You would’ve never approached him at the mall one Friday afternoon, under the pretense of looking for a physical copy of the newest release once you figured out he liked video games, or venerated him in the way you knew men of his kind often enjoyed to rope him into your claws, play coyly around him to get him to obsess over you, convince him that you love him and you could never imagine a life without him, and subsequently ensure a lifestyle of comfort for the rest of your days.

No, you could never do that.

After all, you’re nothing more than an oblivious woman, incapable of ever harming anyone, just as Naoya believed you to be :) 

[fruitymarcy]

Wow. Alright lemme gush about these pages of MHA 393 for a moment. First of all, A Girl’s Ego as a chapter itself is beautiful. It’s part of the culmination of a long story of the greatest heroine in training vs the greatest villainess in training, with many plot threads intertwining in these recent chapters weaving a beautiful web. These pages in particular really hit hard for me personally

Here we see Ochako complimenting Toga’s smile. It’d seem like an incredibly small thing to those who don’t know Toga’s story, but in reality this moment is huge for Toga. Toga was always judged and mistreated for who she is and how she acts. Her own parents feared her and were disgusted by her, treating her as though she shouldn’t have been born. To see the girl she’s been trying to kill in cold blood compliment her so called devious smile…it moves her to tears. Her entire life she’s been told by just about everyone around her that there’s something fundamentally wrong with her, that she’s inhuman. There must be a part of her wondering why she’s trying to kill the person who’s treated her the most kindly, why her bloodlust has overtaken her love, a love that was once her strongest trait

This moment. This moment is everything that the entire My Hero Academia series has lead to for Ochako and Toga. Ochako’s quirk, Zero Gravity, has awakened, and she uses her newfound immense power not to harm Toga, but to protect herself and those around her from Toga’s onslaught, and to get closer to her. Ochako doesn’t want to be like the heroes of the past who treated the world as black and white and delivered justice by any means necessary for their perception of the greater good. Ochako wants to be a compassionate hero who uses her power not to kill or harm but to save and protect. The news reporter, who earlier in the chapter had talked about Toga being just one girl who’s emotions were transforming the world with her Sad Man’s Legion attack, shifts focus to Ochako: just one girl who’s emotions are transforming the world with her quirk awakening. Ochako’s compassion overtakes Toga’s sadness and hate as Ochako extends her hand to a sobbing Toga. This is it. Ochako Uraraka in this moment defines herself as greater than so many heroes before her. Ochako explains that while she can’t erase Toga’s past and can’t approve of it, she’s willing to give Toga a lifetime’s worth of her blood if it means having the chat about romance Toga wanted. Ochako is willing to risk her health over her entire lifetime in order to give Toga enough blood so that she can be mentally stable and control her urges. Ochako is offering to give so much to the person trying to kill her, because she knows Toga is, and always was, just a traumatized girl in pain who needs someone to help her. Ochako has finally come into her own as a true hero

[rawliverandgoronspice]

The more time goes on, the more I think we (= westerners, especially white westerners) are just so fucking bad at guilt. I feel like guilt is among the most pernicious and dangerous emotions out there --not because guilt is literally deadly in isolation, it is an excruciating emotion but it will not kill you in itself, but because we have been trained to associate guilt with worthlessness (I partially blame christian values, the idea of impurity and sin --not to downplay, of course, the danger of a community judging you or being expelled from that community on the basis of being considered a danger to its other members due to the thing you've done that has been generating this guilt), and so we must, absolutely must, protect ourselves from simply feeling that guilt and processing its cold indifference washing over us, and we must do so through any means necessary. This can involve defensiveness, denial or reject of that guilt altogether so we are mentally protected from having to reevaluate ourselves and our place in the world, or can involve wallowing in and using it to self-harm --focusing on the pain and on self-hate rather than on what the guilt is telling us about ourselves and our heritage; blinding ourselves to it still in a twisted way.

I think it's also complicated to know how to manage guilt in a world where we're generally (as a whole) deeply powerless. It feels unfair to be called out about not doing enough when you know that pulling even mediocre heroics on your own will most definitively do almost nothing, hurt you, and be buried in a way that might be extremely unhelpul --not to mention, that it would actually hurt you in a very real and final way and lead to entirely thankless results, even if it was the morally correct thing to do. I do not want to pretend that it's not, very often, the results that awaits even serious and well-practiced activism --or even mild activism, major shoutout to everybody who got maimed or arrested or even killed on zero basis simply because they happened to be at or even near a protest, when they were not brutally attacked for no reason even outside of activism because an officer was racist or sexist or queerphobic or simply bored that day. There are genuinely good reasons to be scared.

So we feel guilt because of this fear, because of our isolation from any serious movement and the fact that we privilege our comfort over letting action taking over whatever else we have going on, and because fear and comfort knowingly keep us into inaction --or action that doesn't feel like enough, or that we feel doesn't achieve much of anything (which I think is never true: even giving someone a glimpse of hope for a second because we made an effort towards them is always always worth it in my opinion, it's not nothing and it's not a cop-out --of course it's not enough and we collectively need to find ways to do more, but it's not nothing and it should never discourage people from taking action --but I digress). But I think we start making a mistake when we point at this very real powerlessness as a shield from the guilt. Both can coexist. Both have to coexist. It isn't fair that some people are being forced to be courageous when we can afford to remain cowards. It is not even a moral judgement that condemn our souls forever, weakness is human and lack of individual reach against an overwhelmingly powerful and removed system even more so; it is a simple fact that we *have* to acknowledge if we want to take a clear look at the actual situation instead of camouflaging it behind self-justifying walls to give ourselves temporarily relief from that awful feeling. And I'm not saying it's not a constant effort, to keep those instincts of self-preservation at bay, or that some people don't have really good reasons that they cannot act more than through social media or miniscule donations or by talking about it around them, or being powerless to even do that without putting themselves into real and concrete danger --or that letting guilt in will be pleasant or even healing. It won't be. But it's also not the point.

Yeah, I get that it's hard to truly reckon with the fact that almost everything that made us (= westerners, especially white ones) is soaked with blood, imperialism, white supremacy, sexism, queerphobia, and a whole sweve of truly rancid ideologies that we cannot afford to passively accept as our lot. We were not given a choice in that legacy, and we don't have a ton of leverage over reorienting our haunted civilizations into something that isn't a horrible nightmare; but it is a fight that is happening right the fuck now.

I genuinely think guilt is a feeling we are not taught to handle in a healthy way; and because we have essentialist, pseudo-religious and punitive justice concepts terminally untangled with that feeling, guilt governs our politics and our private lives in the most rabid and unchecked way imaginable. But guilt will not kill us, unless we allow it to, and it will help literally nobody if it does. Guilt isn't evil in its soul-crushing pain as much as it is informative. Guilt is unbearable, unfliching clarity. But fever boils us alive because there is an infection that needs to be destroyed.