#he’s so easy to draw fr how can I be convinced to draw anything else when he’s just a fun body type with no face

[claie171art]

The Spot: fashion edition

Dressed him up a bit because poor guy’s life would probably be improved in some ways if he just dressed decently, or at least wore pants

Pinterest references:

[freddie-mercurial]

Thank you so, so much to everyone who took part in Maycury Week, whether you were a creator or a consumer or just reblogged the post to help get the word around!  I’m honestly blown away by the number of new fics that were posted for these two and I can’t thank everyone enough for working so hard to post content!  There are 58 fics in the Maycury Week tag on AO3!  As well as some posts on tumblr!

So, as promised, here is the round-up post of Maycury Week!  Please mind the tags and warnings on each of these fics as I’m only copying the summaries!

Fraternity by LydianNode

After a tough day watching the others record "Back Chat," Brian goes to a bar and nurses a beer or six.

Having a normal job might not be so terrible, Brian thought as he signaled for the waiter to bring him another beer. People in normal jobs led safe, ordinary lives. They didn't get close enough to their co-workers to consider them brothers, didn't long for their approval, weren't willing to fight and die for them.

People in normal jobs didn't get stabbed in the back by harsh words gleefully sung to a catchy disco tune.

she's a killer queen by tartymoriarty

Brian finds himself somewhat distracted during the filming of I Want To Break Free. Freddie can't blame him.

(Don't Send Me To) The Path Of Nevermore by annieapple24

Using the prompt "it’s roger’s wedding and freddie’s had a little too much to drink. he gets very emotional during his speech and brian takes him outside to help him calm down a little" for Maycury week!

Here He Comes Now [Maycury Week] by LunaSoul

My contributions for Maycury Week.

he's my champion by Jenfly

A few pieces for the Maycury/Frian week.

Breakthru by jessahmewren

Wearing lingerie has always helped boost Brian's mood, but it's a secret he's kept hidden from Freddie, until now.

One Day by NightOfTheLand

A sleepy morning in bed and confessions are made.

A Truth by LydianNode

Freddie watches Roger's and Brian's segment of "Good Rockin' Tonight" and learns a truth.

"I know WHY we're doing it!" The irritable tone in Brian's voice gave way on a crack as he continued. "I just...I can't do what you do, sit there and blithely lie about the band, about Freddie being so sick."

"I'm not BLITHE. It's fucking hard work."

"And I'm saying I don't think I can do it. You covered up, but what if I make a mistake, say the wrong thing?" A brittle laugh filled the microphone. "We're in a world where the wrong thing to say is the truth and the right one's a lie."

"So don't tell a lie," Roger advised. "And don't tell the truth. Just tell *A* truth. Not about what's happening, but how you feel."

Brian snorted. "*A* truth."

Harmony in my Head (love in my heart) by sammyspreadyourwings

Every soulmate group has a shared language in their head. Brian's happens to be music, it should be easy enough to find them. He just hopes his first meeting goes smoothly.

something borrowed, something blue by rory_the_dragon

Written for the prompt: it’s roger’s wedding and freddie’s had a little too much to drink. he gets very emotional during his speech and brian takes him outside to help him calm down a little.

(Day one of Maycury Week)

lucky, lucky me by keepurselfalive

Brian held out his hands, opening them so Freddie could see the tiny clover – fours leaves and everything – that he was hoarding.

sometimes things fall apart by TimeTurnedFragile

It wasn't anger in Freddie's voice, wasn't anything that easy. Anger Brian's used to; he knows when to push past it and when to leave it alone, mostly. This isn't anger, this is something scarier, something like not being in love.

in all but name by salazarsslytherin

"I’m going to marry you one day.”

Freddie laughs into his mouth. “That’s not even legal.”

“Just wait,” Brian promises.

fingers by e_is_better_than_a

Freddie's fingers ache and Roger wants him to meet his friend.

flowers on his arm by disco__deaky

brian may has been waiting to meet his flower drawing soulmate his whole life.

(maycury week 2019; soulmate au!!)

from all this gloom life can start anew by epherians

Freddie and Brian find comfort through the song “Dear Friends.” Based on a future scene for No Weaknesses.

Written for Day 1 of Maycury Week 2019.

you have (stolen) my heart by patchworkangel

I'd marry you, he'd think, and make you this happy forever.

A silly daydream, really.

we may whisper once more (it's you I adore) by tartymoriarty

There was an awful time in the middle of it all when Brian thought they might not recover from the tension and the arguments and the ugly words thrown out in anger, but they did. Against the odds, the band scraped out alive, and his and Freddie’s relationship with it.

After everything, Brian wants to do something nice for Freddie.

Falling Into You by jessahmewren

Brian's first day of Uni starts with a few hitches, until he meets an enigmatic young man with a slight overbite.

Slow the Tempo (back to basics) by sammyspreadyourwings

1986 brings a lot of challenges to Queen, both professionally and personally. Freddie and Brian's relationship is one of them.

the wonder that's keeping the stars apart by rory_the_dragon

Brian might be starting to get into some trouble here.

(Part III in the College AU Series)

Posted for Day Two of Maycury Week

oh honey, i'll do anything for you by obscuriaal

Freddie's been trying to get Brian's attention for months; he tries something new.

love like fools by salazarsslytherin

“He was wearing his sex shirt,” he says numbly.

“...His what?”

“You know!” Freddie says. He waves his hand out toward the door Brian’s just disappeared through. “His fucking sex shirt! He always wears that shirt when it’s the night. He’s going to have sex with her, Roger!”

Roger snorts. “Brian does not have a sex shirt,” he says.

Freddie is jealous. Brian, it turns out, is also jealous.

wanna know that body like it's mine by keepurselfalive

"I don't want to rush you or anything, darling,” he said breathlessly, shifting his hips in a slow roll against Brian's dick, "but I have been waiting a really long time for you to fuck me."

soul brother by e_is_better_than_a

freddie has a surprise for a really sad brian.

down on my knees (i want to take you there) by TimeTurnedFragile

The problem--Freddie has determined--with being in love with The Most Beautiful Boy on the Planet, is that it's hard to just buy him a beer or something pedestrian like that, but Freddie can't really afford much else.

floating around in ecstasy by disco__deaky

Brian and Freddie experience a bunch of firsts.

I've Got a Surprise For You by BohemianBeth

A Four Magical Misfits one-shot for Maycury week. 5 times Brian comforted Freddie and one time Freddie comforted Brian.

give me your mind baby give me your body by tartymoriarty

“I tell you what,” Brian says, phrasing it like a spontaneous suggestion even though Freddie knows he has absolutely been planning this for the last three days. “You do something for me, and once you’ve done that, I’ll take the plug out and I’ll fuck you. How does that sound?”

if we loved again (i swear i'd love you right) by salazarsslytherin

“Roger,” Brian snaps. “Tell me what’s wrong. Is Freddie okay?”

“He’s lost a lot of memories,” Roger says bluntly. “About five years or so, we think. Maybe six? He doesn’t know Queen split up. He doesn’t know about Deaky. He thinks…”

Brian doesn’t need him to finish. Five years ago, he’d been more happy than he could fathom. They’d been on top of the world, dominating in the charts, jetting off around the world to play to thousands of adoring fans and falling into bed together each night, so giddy and in love Brian had never dreamed anything might ruin it.

love you a little, love you a latte by rory_the_dragon

Brian is running late when he sees the sign that’s going to ruin the rest of his already shitty day.

(Written for Day Three of Maycury Week: Coffee Shop AU)

stop making me laugh! by disco__deaky

maycury week day 3;

freddie and brian have some fun .

My Soul's Lover by yasmamamercury (TwistOfLily)

The boys are just finishing up the Hot Space album and things have been tense. Brian's convinced that his boys have fallen out of love with him, until Freddie sets the record straight with a well-planned surprise.

The Song They Created by LydianNode

Freddie and Brian have a moment backstage before their Live Aid duet. (Prompt for Day 3 of Maycury Week.)

"It's nice, this. Just a few minutes for the two of us." Freddie turned his warm eyes up to catch Brian's gaze. "We don't do it enough."

Not since Munich, Brian didn't say, but he must have stiffened a little because Freddie reached up to tangle his fingers in Brian's hair.

Ode to Joy (a Queen Cover) by sammyspreadyourwings

Brian and Freddie have a silly moment during sex

a fat bottomed surprise by e_is_better_than_a

Freddie arranges a little surprise for their tour.

i ride off alone (help me hold on to you) by keepurselfalive

He wondered when they had started fighting like adults instead of bickering like kids.

I love You 'cause you're sweet (and I love You 'cause you're naughty) by BambiRex

This is my contribution to the Maycury week. I went with the costumes/roleplay prompt.

you got a face that begs for love by tartymoriarty

Brian glances at Freddie again. Freddie’s mouth is still downturned, his eyes are still sad, and that simply will not do.

Photograph by jessahmewren

Brian is a soon-to-be single parent who meets a charming photographer who helps him discover his true worth.

For the Man that Has Everything by lover_of_blue_roses

What to buy the man that has everything? Why, the wrong thing of course.

where you are wanted by keepurselfalive

Freddie shows up at Brian's new house the day after he moves in.

so take a chance with me by rory_the_dragon

Brian and Freddie share a moment during Freddie's 39th Birthday Party.

(Written for Maycury Week: Day Four)

gift giving by e_is_better_than_a

Brian doesn't know what to get a man that has everything.

Eternity (I give to you) by sammyspreadyourwings

Brian May struggles to figure out what he can give Freddie for his birthday.

You Make It Easier by WritingSiren

Brian's been in the hospital for three weeks now, and he's convinced himself that he just may go crazy if he stays here any longer. But there's one thing he always looks forward to ever since he's been here. -- Written for Maycury Week: day 5

Prompt: "brian's in hospital slowly recovering from hepatitis; freddie visiting him every day is the only thing keeping him sane."

there's no place for us by tartymoriarty

There’s something delicate about this one. He’s short, a lot smaller than Brian, and slender with it too, all slim wrists and sharp cheekbones. When he tips his head back and smiles up at Brian, a dimple winking in his cheek, he keeps his mouth closed.

Brian would quite like to see that mouth open around Brian’s name, but that isn’t what he came to the club for. He came to feed and the club is as good a hunting ground as any.

Round the new moon's shine by Tikini

The neck shrugged again. “I have no interest in women. And I have no interest in seeing anyone drown. The men however…” He eyed Brian intensely and licked his lips. “I just can’t have enough of the men.”

“But your song doesn’t work on men.” Brian pointed out.

“No I know.” The neck sighed sadly. “It’s a real dilemma.”

tell my love to wreck it all by salazarsslytherin

“I want to talk to you, anyway,” Brian says quietly. “When you’re done. I’ve been thinking about what you said before I left.”

Brian finally returns home from his trip to Tenerife and goes to Liverpool to bring Freddie home.

slow hands by rory_the_dragon

Brian has privately made his own plans not to leave his bed for love nor money.

And why would he, when he’s got a deliciously warm Freddie Mercury curled up in front of him, asleep, softly snoring, just begging for a day in bed.

(Written for Day Four of Maycury Week)

Midnight in the Meadow by jessahmewren

A young scientist has an unexpected meeting with an unusual vampire and becomes immediately intrigued.

sleepy stars by e_is_better_than_a

Brian has to drag Freddie away from his cauldron after hours of trying to make his potion right.

the light of the night burned bright by tartymoriarty

“They, ah.” Brian pauses and clears his throat, stepping aside to let Freddie in properly. “They mixed up the room details, I think.”

Freddie looks past him. The lamps aren’t on so all he’s got to see by is the light from the corridor beyond; it takes him a moment to register what Brian means. Their bags have been brought ahead, left at the foot of the bed. The bed, singular.

Ah.

An (Almost) Missed Connection by WritingSiren

Freddie Bulsara has been closely following a band called Smile ever since they started. He's developed a crush on the guitarist, Brian, and he's pretty sure he likes him too. If only he could work up the courage to talk to him... -- Written for Maycury Week: day 7

Prompt: "brian's in a band called smile trying to make things work between music and his degree when his bandmate tim introduces them to his friend, freddie. the rest is history."

don't you hear me calling you? by tartymoriarty

In all the worlds in all the universes that ever existed or will exist, there is a Brian, and there is a Freddie.

rest and relaxation by e_is_better_than_a

After recording their first album, Brian and Freddie are ready to enjoy time alone.

we inhale, exhale, and reset by starrydrowse

He’s in his own bed— finally— after endless months of cramped tour bus bunks and fancy hotel rooms that, while nice (and unquestionably better than the shoddy Holiday Inns they’d stayed in during their early years) always leave a bit of a sour taste in Brian’s mouth.

He’s finally home and he has nowhere at all to be— no plans, no commitments— nothing even remotely important to think about except for Freddie, warm and wrapped in his arms, clinging to him, breathing softly as he sleeps.

*

Or, Brian and Freddie spend a morning taking things slow.

(in)finite by fortyfive_rpm (2davidbeckham3)

Poem set during Brian and Freddie's Live Aid performance of "Is This the World We Created?"

Feel Your Heartbeat by CommonSenseisPaineful

'-it shouldn’t be frightening, he tried to rationalise. He was just shopping. For lingerie. For lingerie that would fit him- oh god this was a bit too much to handle.' ~ For Frian/Maycury week; Brian is curious, Freddie is flirty, and dressing rooms are much more private to everyone's delight.

A Misunderstandment by Blackbean

"I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore." Freddie felt his heart break.

The More I'm Trying by CommonSenseisPaineful

'And if I say I love you in the candle light there's no-one but myself to blame' ~ 'First time' for maycury week. Freddie's realising a lot of firsts.

Soft Kisses by NightOfTheLand

Freddie might have gone a little overboard with setting the scene. He ran his sweaty palms down the front of his shirt as he looked around the room. Would Brian even like the candles? The soft sound of Hendrix from the record player in the corner?

~~ Or Freddie and Brian enjoy an evening together

The Wicked Never Sleep by wordwhisper

'God, your voice.’, Brian breathes and Freddie immediately recoils so sharply that he almost hits the opposite wall.

‘My what?’

or the Early- Queen Era 70s (sort of) AU in which Freddie’s a modern-day Siren, Trident is run by Apollo and nothing is as it seems. (inspired by lots of conversations and this post)

Album 12 Track 6 by CommonSenseisPaineful

"I want to stay like this forever"- maycury/frian week. ~ Brian and Freddie write a tune, at the dawn of night.

Levitate by disco__deaky

Brian and Freddie share some love for eachother and their boys.

Maycury week day 5.

Coffee, Cigarettes, and Morning Sex by Anonymous 

"Come on, don't tell me you want coffee more than a blowjob right now?"

aka Brian really wants morning sex, but Freddie's got a few addictions that are getting in the way of that happening.

TUMBLR POSTS (that aren’t already on AO3):

gifset by hammer-to-fall

post from incorrectborhapquotes

fic by stayinqpower - it’s freddie’s birthday and brian doesn’t know what to get for the man who has everything

Tell Him - fic by thosequeenboys

fic by dusty-drabbles - stop making me laugh

I think that’s everything but if I’ve missed anything, please please let me know!  I promise I have not left anything out deliberately so if you posted something and it’s not in here, it’s just my mistake and I’ve missed it!  Let me know and I’ll add it in :) 

Again a massive, massive thank you to everyone who got involved, I cannot thank you enough! 

[imaginetonyandbucky]

All I Need is the Air

Winter might die, but at least he wasn’t going to die hungry. And he wasn’t going down without a fight.

Tony led him down in his nest, an elaborately hollowed tree with a half dozen interior flets, all the way down until the floor under Winter’s talons was dirt. He couldn’t resist the urge to tear at the floor, to feel the earth crumbling under his feet.

Tony gave him a quick grin. “Need to scratch, a bit? Feel free, but there’s not much to forage down here. We can go out later, if you want. I remember how bad I needed to get my talons in the earth, back… well, I’ll tell you about that later, maybe. Let’s get those off you, okay?”

Winter hadn’t noticed the room, really. Hadn’t noticed the heat and the black and the red light thrown up on the walls. He didn’t know what it was; he’d never seen anything like it.

Fire.

He knew fire. Every avian knew fire and feared it, but here, Tony kept it like a pet, contained inside walls that glinted and glittered and shone dark red in places.

“What is this?”

“Welcome to my evil lair,” Tony said, grinning. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

Tony pulled out devices the likes of which Winter had never seen before and, after some coaxing, Winter put his leg up on a cold, oddly shaped, strange-smooth rock. Tony raised the tool and brought it down on a frozen gray stick and there was a ringing clang. After a few good hits, the shackle fell away.

Winter only vaguely remembered fire being involved, when the Hydra put the thrice-damned thing on him in the first place, being terrified and in pain, they’d wrapped it around his leg and seared it into place.

“What…”

“Metal,” Tony said. “Rocks with special properties. They become liquid under intense heat, and I can shape and change them to my needs.”

Winter blinked owlishly. “You do… this?” The Hydra in the mines had sometimes called the rocks that Winter and the other slaves scratched out of the rock “metal.” A dreadful suspicion rose in Winter’s heart. “Where do you get it?”

“I trade for it. Blacksmithing -- that’s what metalworking is called -- for raw stone. It’s dug up from the earth.”

“You… you did this to me?”

“What?”

“Hydra,” Winter spat. “Hydra plucked me from my nest, put these… things on me--” he gestured violently at the broken shackle “-- forced us to work in their mines, for ore. Or we didn’t eat. And they… they tore off my wing and you did this to us?”

“No,” Tony whispered. He looked so stricken, so horrified, that Winter was convinced he meant it. Or didn’t know. “No, no, I wouldn’t…” his voice dropped. “I don’t know. If… if that’s what’s happened, what’s happening. I… I’ll find out. I’ll fix it, I swear, I… I just trade, I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I’ll make it right.”

“Yeah?” Winter grabbed Tony’s chin and stared into those brown eyes, so remorseful. “You’ll take me with you when you do.”

“Yeah, you got it, sunshine,” Tony said.

(more under the cut, including additional art)

There were two kinds of problems in the world, Tony thought. The ones he could solve and the ones he could not solve. It was usually a matter of figuring out which ones were which, and then he could do what he did best. Ignore the things he didn’t know how to fix and work on the ones that he could.

He sent messengers -- Friday and Wasp and Marvel -- out. There were people he needed to speak with and materials that he needed. And information. He needed information more than anything else.

The forge glowed red for most of four days. He went through at least half of his remaining paper supply, designing, reworking, and configuring. He spent six precious hours working up a test-model from thin-carved wood. It would work, he thought. If the design held. If he could fix the controls. If he could lighten the power source a little.

He’d almost forgotten that he’d sent Marvel out to see if Bruce could spare some time for a consultation.

Tony had been trying to avoid Winter, which was harder to do than he might have guessed, but he didn’t usually have other people in his living space for long. He’d come across the other avian a few times, usually in Tony’s kitchen. The first time, Winter had bolted, leaving the seed cakes behind. It had taken Tony the better part of two hours to find him, curled up and hiding, single wing spread over his head to protect himself, in one of the far storage rooms.

“Hey, no,” Tony had said. “No, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.” He had laid the seed cakes out, along with a small basket of fresh berries. “You can eat, all you want. It’s fine.”

Tony had never seen anything quite so beautiful, and yet achingly tragic, as the way Winter had peeked around his tattered wing to stare at Tony, full of fear and doubt and gratitude all at the same time.

Rather than deal with any of it, Tony had fled back to his workshop with renewed determination.

Aaaand, he was distracted again; brought back to the present by Bruce’s thundering wingclaps as he fluttered around the base of the Tower.

Storms! He’d forgotten to tell Winter they were expecting a guest. Tony cursed again, threw himself up -- he’d been walking, for the most part, since Winter’s arrival, not wanting to upset his guest, but he could move faster if he flew. “Marvel, tell Bruce to settle down, okay? He’s not a hurricane. I’ll be right out with him, okay? Thank you. J, have you seen Winter recently? Oh, thank you, I owe you a fresh draw of nectar, remind me, you know I’ll forget.”

He swooped up through the center of the Tower and landed neatly on the nesting floors. Finding Winter was easy enough; he was pressed into the furthest corner of the nest space Tony had given him. Since his arrival, Winter had been venturing into the Tower and its multitude of storage rooms, selecting branches and decorations to adorn his nest, and what he’d built was an enormous pendant nest that dangled securely from a high branch, ribboned with colorful bits of cloth in a pattern that Tony could almost, but not quite, understand.

Tony folded his wings against his back. “Hey there,” he said, cautious. “I know, that was big, and terrifying, and… look, can you at least come over to the entrance? I feel like I’m talking to your nest and that’s just rude. I’d feel a lot better if I could see you? Yeah? Oh, okay, good, there you are. Hey… that’s my friend. Bruce. I know, he’s very loud. But it’s okay. He can’t come up in the tree, he’s too big, but… I was wondering if you’d come out to meet him? I told him a little about you, and… Look, I’m good with machinery. I build things, that’s what I do. But he knows more about people. I want him to take a look at your shoulder, and your wing-stump here, to see if my idea will work. Can you do that? Can you come say hello? And just let him look?”

Winter crept out, dropping gracefully to the platform. He nodded, but his face was pale and every bit of him trembled.

“It’s all right. Bruce won’t hurt you either,” Tony promised, and that was a promise he could absolutely keep. The worst danger Bruce presented was accidentally knocking someone over by turning around too fast. Usually. Tony tried hard not to remember the times Bruce had gotten angry, and the sort of juggernaut he turned into. But this was just a simple medical inspection, everything would be fine, right?

“Now, just to warn you, Bruce is pretty big,” Tony said. He put one hand on Winter’s arm, for comfort, in case it was needed. “So, don’t be scared, okay? I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Brucie, poppet, darling,” Tony said.

Truth, Tony wasn’t pushing, or dragging, but Winter felt propelled out of the Tower and into open ground, where anything could attack them from the sky, from the land, and Winter’s gaze darted around, nervously. He scratched once or twice at the ground, feeling the earth crumbling under his talons.

The smell… reptilian. Set all his nerves on end; nagas? Not one he’d met before, but…

And then Tony turned around the larger root-wall. “Oh, there you are!”

Winter stared. At first, all he saw was a giant… green and purple… boulder? Maybe twice as tall as Tony, and more than double his height long.

And then it moved. Slow, ponderous, but sinuously. Like a great ball python uncurling from a nap.

The creature kept moving until it unwrapped itself. Like the naga, Bruce was human from the navel up, a belt of golden scales moved into a long, graceful tail, adorned with a double row of jagged bone plates. He had broad, powerful shoulders and despite the snake-like body and tail, was coated with colorful plumage. The tail split near the end into two end-prongs.

Couatl. He didn’t even know they were real.

Winter couldn’t breathe.

“Brucie,” Tony said again. “You’re lookin’ good.”

Bruce finished uncoiling, lazy, but still full of arrested movement, as deadly as a cobra. The ultimate predator, one that didn’t need to be perpetually ready to strike, because its prey could never escape. He unfurled two enormous, feathery wings and flapped them, sending great gales of wind swirling around Tony. It was impossible that those wings could possibly lift something as large and unwieldy as Bruce would be into the air.

The human part of him was… friendly-looking, at least. He had a shy smile and curly hair that flopped in his face. A tuft of feathers stood up from his brow, like a gaudy crown. “Tony. Good to see you.”

“So, this --” Tony turned all the way around, looking for Winter. “Oh, there you are, honeybun. Come on, come over here and say hi to Bruce.”

“Tony, not everyone is as accepting as you are,” Bruce said. Green eyes gave Winter a searching glance and something in the couatl’s expression was kind.

“Nonsense,” Tony said. “Winter doesn’t think you’re going to hurt him, because Winter is very brave and intelligent, and you, my friend, are a giant cuddlemuffin.”

“Who just happens to be almost eighteen feet long, and can breathe fire,” Bruce pointed out.

But when Tony said it, Winter thought maybe he could be brave. Tony was still all right, wasn’t he? After what seemed to be enough of a friendship that he could address the feathered serpent in such a casual manner.

Winter took a few steps forward, and then a few more. There was something very regal about the couatl, a creature who deserved respect. Winter engaged in a formal greeting, mantling his wing as much as he could, shaking the feathers out, and bowing his head. “Fair skies,” Winter said.

“Safe landing,” Bruce said, raising up to his full height and returning Winter’s bow. Despite the man now towering over him, Winter was less afraid, not more.

At full stretch, Bruce was gorgeous, graceful. His belly down was a pale green and the stripe down the center of his back was a dull purple. He coiled his tail around him until he’d sunk down into an almost seated position, which put him still quite a bit taller than Tony, or Winter.

Winter lost track of the conversation for some time, as Bruce and Tony shot back and forth words about craft, core metal temperatures, wind and air resistance, weight, and bone capacity, tensile strength. Things Winter knew nothing about. He found himself restless, in Bruce’s protective shadow -- what predator would be fool enough to attack here, with the couatl standing guard?

He scratched, turning up a number of small insects, which he greedily devoured. It had been some time -- he couldn’t remember…

He couldn’t remember.

Was that right? How could that be right? Surely, he’d been free at one point. He’d spoken of a nest, of being taken. He knew the sun, knew the powerful feel of air beneath his wings. Like a dream, not a memory.

Strange.

He scratched more. Someone must have taught him this, at one point. He had a mother, right? Nest-mates? He wasn’t born in the mines, surely he would have known that. There were no nests in the mines, but he’d known how to craft his, as soon as Tony had given him space to do so, had woven lovely patterns on the inside to look at and enjoy.

How old was he, when he’d been taken? He remembered fear, and the shackles going on around his legs.

What… what had happened before that?

There had to have been a before that. He was an adult, he…

Hydra had a new weapon; the nagas were usually kept out of the trees.

They could slither up ramps, or if the tree was narrow enough, they could coil around it, yanking themselves upward, but in either of those cases, the avians could fight them off, flying around and throwing spears.

But Hydra had developed a rock-thrower.

They hauled their creaking wooden machines to the trees, loaded them, and the trees crumbled under the impact.

Avians were crushed by the huge stones, and even a glancing blow could knock one out of the air.

The siege wasn’t fast; not like the raids the nagas sometimes staged, grabbing one or two chicks, and fleeing into the tunnels.

The siege lasted for weeks, while the avians tried to destroy the machines.

Finally, under Howard Stark’s direction, with a whole group of others, Steve and Bucky had launched a daring raid, hauling a net full of stones, and flown directly over the rock-thrower. They’d flown high, well out of range of the machine, up where the air was thin, and then dropped their load of stone.  

The wind was cold in Bucky’s hair, pushing it off his face. He was grateful: hauling the stone was hard work, and flying in concert was even harder. “Remember that time when I talked you into flying near that cyclone, Stevie?”

“Yeah, and I got caught in the downdraft and spun around until I threw up? I remember.”

“This isn’t payback, is it?”

“Now, why would I do that?” Steve said, laughing. “We’re coming up on the drop point.”

The drop had been successful.

Mostly.

When they circled the battlefield, to get a closer look, was when it had all gone wrong.

Slings and spears had greeted them, and Bucky’d been wounded.

“I’m gettin’ you off the field, pal,” Steve said, flying over him and grabbing hold of Bucky’s harness. “You need a medic.”

“I can fly, y’punk, lemme go,” Bucky scoffed.

And then he’d been struck, a hard stone in the middle of his back. Bucky’d flipped, gotten his tailfeathers crossed, fallen. Grabbed out, gotten hold of a branch. Wings useless as his shoulder went numb.

“Hang on, hang on!” Steve yelled.

But he couldn’t hold on. He reached for Steve’s hand…

Reached.

And missed.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: This is dire Rio: but effective contraception, like Buster: Swap with me Buster: I know my mum wants that lesson drilled into me, like Rio: Happily, Indie is so gutted she weren't allowed to be on team lads lads lads today Buster: I bet Buster: Never been more buzzing to be one Rio: That's saying something, you were such a baby misogynist Buster: Shut up Buster: I'm already mad at you Rio: Bringing it back for the day are we? Buster: Might do Buster: 😂 Rio: Rude Rio: What did I do to you, except let Indie borrow your shirt soz about it Buster: Her wearing my clothes instead of you ain't how I want it Buster: You had the perfect excuse, babe Rio: She was in need Rio: I had too many choices Buster: Well, me too Buster: Of seeing you in my shirt and nothing else Rio: There's always later, babe Rio: When I get it off you, like Buster: Great compromise, babe Buster: I like how you're thinking Rio: Got nothing but time here Rio: It's seriously awkward Rio: thank fuck for the kids for distraction Buster: And you've always got me Buster: Christ knows you distracted me with the outfit you did choose Rio: 💗 Awh baby Buster: You look so good Buster: We should go out later Rio: Please Rio: Gotta salvage this look and day Buster: I wanna make the most of every minute I've got left with you before I have to go back for school again Rio: Same Rio: Final stretch now though Buster: Yeah Buster: Thank fuck Rio: Family functions are so boring without you Buster: Come to the pub, seriously Buster: Janis is loving it Rio: I wish, there isn't enough of a party amotsphere here to slip outta Rio: gotta do my part Rio: she's loving life by default for dashing that matching sequin moment Buster: 😂 Buster: I can't say the same 'cause granddad is likewise feeling it and there's a proper party mood Buster: off Nan's leash like Rio: 😂 Rio: dont get used to it like, if a bitch refuses the dress code she can leave early, like Buster: Has she actually? I thought he was joking Rio: 'Course Rio: the silent protest we all needed Buster: I could've sorted her out as well Buster: But you know it could be worse Buster: If the booze was flowing there like it is here, especially Rio: I'd love to see you offer 😂 Rio: Yeah, apart from Indie we all being very reserved for that reason Rio: can't live the cliche of this ending in a brawl Buster: I'll drop her a text right now Buster: It ain't too late, yeah? Rio: She gonna fight you and Grandad when she get there Rio: You're funny Buster: I need the practice Buster: I haven't been to the gym enough this hol Rio: Could've fooled me Rio: 😍 Buster: You're cute Buster: I miss you Rio: I miss you more Rio: I might go get a drink Buster: A drink or a drink? Rio: Oh don't, we've played enough cringey games today Rio: a drink drink Buster: Cheers then Buster: I can't tell you not to, 'cause I'm well on it Rio: 🥂 Buster: I reckon you've got competition for the shirt off my back by the way Buster: Pablo is eyeing every label Rio: Yeah watch him fr Rio: also glad that's what you meant 'bout to go 👀 on you 0-100 like Buster: What can I say? I may have deliberately phrased it how I did Rio: 😒 Buster: Don't be mad, you know I like it when you get like that about me Rio: If you like it then lemme be mad 😜 Rio: can't have it both ways baby Buster: As long as you're not properly mad Buster: You're having a shit enough day, like Rio: Nah, I'm good Rio: though I can't convince your Sister to drink with me Rio: in bad company, like, Drew is gone Buster: It's probably for the best that she won't, fun as a drunk Nance sounds, she might go harder than Nan in changing the mood Buster: I'm sure Indie would though, nobody wants to be at that thing less than she does, right? Buster: Except Drew maybe Rio: My dastardly plan, obvs Rio: draws the line at calling you out, clearly 🙄 Rio: Guess so but not really tryna get her crossfaded like I'm him Buster: Standard Buster: The 🚬 will wear off well fast though, especially if she got it from Drew, like Rio: [Sends Indie's snap] Rio: She ain't playing Rio: had to hide 'em in my bag like the meanest bitch ever 'cos the kids nearly got hold Buster: She ain't thought that through Buster: Clearly not thinking though so Buster: Did she hear from that lad yet? Rio: Yeah, other day, like Rio: He's a twat but she was pretty buzzin' Rio: what can you do Buster: 🥊 him Rio: It ain't him I need to keep away Rio: she's gotta get over it herself, like Buster: Don't act like it wouldn't feel good still Rio: Obviously Rio: I gotta be the good guy tho 😇 so when it goes tits, she's not gotta hate on me instead, like Buster: Yeah Buster: But I won't tell, babe Buster: You can be as bad as you want with me Rio: Yeah? Rio: That's good 'cos I've already got a surprise for you later Buster: Yeah? Buster: Do I get any spoilers? Rio: It's pink Buster: In theme Buster: Nicely done Rio: Knew you'd like it Buster: I'm trying to think what you're planning Buster: Excuse me lads Rio: Yeah, don't make it a pub quiz tah 😏 Buster: 😂 Rio: I told you I had too many outfit options Buster: Behave Buster: You're gonna make me blush Buster: Keeping it pink, like but Rio: You're so fucking cute Rio: but okay, save your blushes babe Buster: How long for? When can we leave Buster: I want to be with you now Rio: Patience Rio: You said you'd take me out first Buster: I will Buster: But I can still take you up against a wall when we are, can't I Rio: Who are you if you don't, like Rio: gotta make my day somehow Buster: Think about how I'm gonna make you feel, that'll be a start Rio: It's helping Rio: can't get too happy like, start looking outta place Buster: I'm sure you can find some privacy somewhere Buster: You're a smart girl Rio: Yeah but can you? Or are you gonna sit there and have me like it ain't no thing Buster: How do you really want me, baby? Rio: Boy 😩 Buster: Tell me Buster: I'll stay or go, whatever you say Rio: Stay there Rio: I like the idea of it Buster: Then I won't move Rio: I'm gonna go to my room, no particular reason, like Buster: Yeah you are Rio: Okay, now what am I gonna do? Buster: Make me regret saying I won't move Rio: Easy Buster: We'll see won't we Rio: You will Rio: I already got a pretty good view Buster: I bet you do Buster: Show me something Rio: Not to be that bitch but I think someone else is coming up 😑 Rio: Hold on babe Buster: 😒 Buster: I'll be here Rio: Oh, okay, it was just Diego getting some shit from his room Buster: Good Rio: How I ever got any fucking done in this house was a miracle Buster: It's inspiring Rio: You know the hero you deserve and need Buster: Coming for my 👑 but yeah Rio: There's room for 2 rulers, babe Buster: I know babe Buster: We're living it Rio: 😊 Rio: I love you Buster: I love you too Rio: Can I pretend that I can't hear my name being called? Buster: You have to 'cause I'm not the one saying it Rio: I like that rule Buster: It's just me and you Buster: Pretend that for me Rio: Yes Rio: I want that so bad Buster: You need it Buster: Tell me how badly Rio: Bad Rio: as bad as I wanna be for you baby Buster: What are you gonna do for me? Rio: Whatever you want me to do Rio: Anything and everything Rio: Start slow though Rio: [Pics] Buster: [messes around with the app while he pretends like he's thinking] Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah, babe? Buster: Just thinking here, like Rio: Take your time Rio: Seriously, give it a good ponder Buster: How hard do you want me to think about it? Rio: Really long and hard Rio: it's important Rio: wanna get this right for you, like Buster: Okay, good Buster: What other toys do you have there still? I wanna make the best choice possible, you know Rio: You know me so well Rio: [Selection] Buster: [Still on this goddamn app while he pretends to ponder] Rio: You're taking this very seriously aren't you Buster: 'Course Buster: Not moving either as promised Rio: Can't say they same Rio: also can't type, already Buster: 😏 Buster: We have to stay in theme so you gotta use the pink one, obviously Buster: Why didn't I immediately think of that? Rio: It's almost like this shitshow is the last thing on either of our minds 😜 Buster: Nah, I'm so unaffected, still the life and soul here Rio: 😔 Rio: oh Buster: If anyone can change that, baby, I know it's you Buster: You're so bad, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: You just need reminding Buster: Make me wanna leave this pub for you never mind this chair Rio: Fine Rio: you can see the outfit Rio: just not on, not yet Rio: [Snap] Buster: Now who's taking things seriously? Rio: Now I know you're playing hard, gotta up my game too Buster: I can go harder Buster: Barely touched this app yet Rio: Please Rio: You're driving me crazy with all this teasing Buster: Is that better, babe? Rio: No, I want you Rio: You could come here and fuck me and be back before anyone even noticed Buster: Can you be quiet? Buster: They'll notice if not Rio: No, but you can put your hand over my mouth Buster: That never works you just end up putting my fingers in your mouth 😈 Rio: You have to give me something to keep my mouth busy Rio: maybe you can take this vibrator out of my pussy replace it with your dick Rio: I wanna taste me Buster: Okay now you're having good ideas Rio: Yeah? Rio: It's 'cos I'm thinking of you Buster: Now I wish I could move Rio: I wish you were behind me Buster: I wish you were on top of me Rio: That's how you want me, daddy? Buster: I wanna see your face when you're about to cum Rio: You can see how every single thrust makes me feel Rio: if you can focus on anything but how good my tits look Buster: Jesus Buster: I need you so much Rio: I need to say your name Rio: I miss the feel of it in my mouth Buster: Say it for me now Rio: I am Rio: and I push it deeper every time Buster: Let me see you Rio: Make sure your audio is off Rio: [Video Buster: I nearly made my own sounds then Buster: You're so fucking hot Rio: I love turning you on when you're in public and with other people Buster: I know you do Buster: It's making you so wet Rio: If you could listen to my video Rio: You would know Buster: Am I allowed to move to get my earphones out of my bag or not? Rio: Anti-social baby Rio: but yes, because every sound I'm making is for you Buster: Fuck Buster: Rio Rio: Come moan that into my mouth as you cum deep inside me Buster: I want to so bad Rio: I'm gonna have to go soon Buster: Don't Buster: Stay for me Rio: I really fucking want to Buster: I need you Rio: Are you gonna come see me? Buster: Tell me I can Rio: You can, but you might have to make polite small talk first if you get seen Buster: What am I gonna say? Buster: I can't act like I just really wanted some tea and cake Rio: Sure you can Rio: she's your auntie too, get so many good boy points 'fore you come up here and lose 'em all Buster: Is it not no lads allowed? Rio: Yeah but Rio: ugh Rio: you probably shouldn't, I'm just being a brat Buster: Can you meet me outside so I don't need to officially come in? Rio: This is why I let you tell me what to do Rio: you have the best ideas Buster: Find us somewhere we can be alone and I'll get there as fast as I can Rio: I'll come get in your car Buster: I don't have it Rio: Oh damn Rio: 'course you don't Buster: This isn't gonna happen, is it? Rio: Fuck sake Buster: You should just go back Buster: I'll make it up to you later Rio: Yeah Rio: I'm just gonna mope Buster: I'm sorry, baby Rio: It isn't your fault Rio: I just wanted to escape Rio: the vibe is so weird here Buster: I don't blame you Buster: I can only imagine Rio: He shouldn't be here, he should be with you lot Rio: of course he ain't but Buster: I can't believe he's lasted that long there Buster: Not that I want him here but Rio: Aside from being a little drunk Rio: he's being pretty engaged and friendly Rio: guess he's doing his family guy act again but no one is really biting, he's getting frustrated Buster: 'Course he is Buster: Any way that shit is gonna wrap up soon? Rio: Well, if everyone just heard me fucking myself to the thought of you it might be time to give out the party favours, yeah Rio: the kids were keeping it from getting that tumbleweed moment but who knows Buster: Don't Buster: I mean, our ma's gotta know that he's a bad idea and bad news, yeah? It can't just be you seeing it, like Rio: It's no secret how much your Ma actively hates him, I'm surprised she's even here Rio: Mine tries to not badmouth him but you know Rio: It's kind of sad, even Meena isn't feeling it and she's invested on both sides Rio: this is fucked Buster: Yeah Buster: If you wanna leave I'll come and get you, seriously Rio: I'm going to Rio: I'll tell you when I'm ready Buster: I'll be when you are Buster: It's gonna be alright Rio: I hate how he looks at me Buster: I know Rio: See if I left a turtleneck around here Buster: You can have my jacket Rio: I can't before I say my goodbyes Buster: Fuck saying 'em Buster: Just go Rio: I guess Rio: I'm being mean Rio: I should try some more Buster: You've tried enough Buster: If you won't leave for yourself do it 'cause I want you to Rio: You should go back to having a good time babe Rio: I'll be fine Buster: Baby, please Rio: Okay, okay Rio: but I feel bad about it and I'm gonna be 😒 about it Buster: I don't care Rio: Hmpf Buster: I love you Buster: And I hate him Rio: He's not being so bad Rio: I promise Buster: I don't give a shit about Drew Buster: Only you doing what you want Rio: I know Rio: I will, I'll go down and see how it is now Buster: Make sure Indie ain't fucked up my shirt, like Rio: On it Rio: though adding a new one to my shopping list already 'cos I know her Buster: 😒 Rio: Don't be grumpy baby Buster: It's just Indie Rio: What you mean? Buster: Neither of you should have to be there Buster: I'm mad about it Rio: It isn't Ro's fault Rio: I mean, I don't know why she's done this but Buster: Nobody made her fuck him again so yeah it is Rio: It ain't just fucking for her is it Rio: I assume he weren't that hard up either but Rio: whatever it is, ain't love Buster: Don't Buster: It's worse Buster: I don't reckon either of them know what love is Buster: It's fucked Rio: It's horrible Buster: I haven't seen my mum in a mood this bad in such a long time Rio: He will fuck it up Rio: before they get down the aisle Rio: congrats on bringing another kid and woman into it though, Drew Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm scared for her, how she'll be when he fucks up and fucks off Buster: He knows how to pick them, no offense to your ma, like Rio: I doubt she can get much worse Rio: She's never not been a mess, sorry but it's true Buster: You really reckon this is rock bottom though? 'Cause that's where she's gonna hit Buster: I dread to think how she's been today Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: She'll just stop eating again, no doubt Rio: Her response to everything Buster: Don't say it like that Rio: I know she's your Auntie Rio: but that's how it is Buster: The whole point of him being at this fucking fam function is to look after her Rio: He can't force feed her Buster: He could do something Buster: More than he ever does Rio: Whatever Buster: Are you actually gonna defend him now? What the fuck Rio: You can't blame him for not 'fixing' her eating disorder Rio: and she shouldn't even be having this baby if she's not willing to get help for her mental health bullshit Buster: I'm not asking him to fix anything, I'd just take the cunt not making everything worse for a change Rio: Why would you expect that of him Rio: as bad as her Rio: she should know better Buster: I know Buster: I'm just Buster: over it Rio: Aren't we all Rio: I'm sick of this family using him as an excuse to be fucked Buster: You can't blame them 'cause he ain't exactly blameless Rio: Focus on getting better Rio: like, why is he still here if he's so bad Rio: Just, whatever Buster: He ain't got anywhere else to go Buster: There's nothing heroic in it Rio: No, I mean Rio: why do we all put up with him Rio: and then hate him Rio: it's pathetic Buster: I don't Buster: Take it up with everyone else Rio: Good for you Buster: Don't get an attitude with me Rio: I'm going Buster: Good Rio: Prick Buster: What the fuck, Rio Rio: What? Buster: Why are you acting like this? Rio: Because it's all bullshit Buster: It's not my bullshit Rio: I know Rio: but you didn't have to say it was good I was going Buster: I thought you meant you were leaving Rio: Oh Rio: Sorry Rio: I'm just stressed Buster: I know, babe Buster: I'll come get you Rio: Indie ain't even here Buster: Where is she? Rio: Don't know Rio: she did a bunk about 15 minutes ago, apparently Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: Did she take her phone back from you? Rio: Nope Buster: Talk to Drew, he's got everyone's number like Buster: Bound to have her mates or her lad Rio: Yeah Rio: Can't blame her frankly Buster: Me either but it'd be better if she'd got her phone off you first Buster: Then you could just drop her a text Rio: Fuck this Rio: Oh well Rio: Talk to you after Buster: Alright Buster: Rio? Buster: Talk to me Buster: It's been ages Buster: Are you okay? Buster: What the fuck? Buster: Everyone's going home so I guess will Buster: Babe Buster: You're scaring me now Buster: Seriously Buster: Come on Rio: I don't know what to say Buster: Tell me you're okay Rio: I'm not though Rio: Sorry Buster: What happened? Rio: Didn't your Mum say Buster: No Rio: Oh God Buster: I haven't seen her Buster: But now I'm losing my shit Rio: She might still be with Ro, actually Rio: someone was going to the house to clear out his things, maybe that was her Rio: I can't remember Buster: Did they have a domestic? Rio: Ha Rio: no, not quite Buster: What then? Rio: Depends who you ask Buster: I'm asking you Buster: What the fuck did he do? Rio: I went to talk to him like you said Rio: just about Indie Rio: but he was being funny and nice and then Rio: Idk, I can't even remember if it's how I'm saying or how they are now Buster: Rio, what did he do? Rio: We were kissing and his hands were everywhere and my Mum walked in and she just lost it Buster: He was kissing you, you mean Rio: That's what I'm saying, I can't remember Rio: but Ro said I must've started it because well Rio: I don't know why Buster: Bullshit Buster: You love me and you love Indie Buster: You wouldn't do that Rio: I didn't try to stop him Rio: he said if I had he would've stopped straight away so that means I was kissing him back at least doesn't it Buster: No Buster: I didn't stop Chlo but that doesn't mean I wanted to be with her, you know that Rio: I wasn't even tipsy though Rio: What the fuck is wrong with me Buster: It doesn't matter, babe Buster: He fucking cornered you in your own house Rio: He's going to tell everyone about us Rio: they didn't let him say much because Mum was going to kill him and Ro was hysterical but I know he will Buster: He won't 'cause I'm gonna kill him first Buster: Where is he, do you know? Rio: I don't know where anyone is Rio: all busy salvaging from my mess Buster: His Buster: Not yours Buster: Where are you? Rio: I'm such a baby person what if Ro's baby dies from the stress Rio: what if she gets so depressed she doesn't look after it Buster: Stop Buster: My mum is with her she's not gonna let anything else happen Rio: The worst already has Rio: I've ruined her life Buster: You haven't done anything wrong Rio: I have Rio: I tried to fuck Drew at her baby shower Buster: Don't Buster: He did that to you Buster: All you were trying to do was find Indie Rio: Indie Rio: What are they going to tell Indie Rio: what's he Rio: and I don't even know what to tell her to rebuff it so why wouldn't she believe him Buster: Baby, I need you to breathe right now, for me, yeah? Buster: Tell me who's with you Rio: I don't think anyone is Rio: I'm scared, Buster Buster: I'm coming over Buster: Keep talking to me until I can get there, okay Rio: I can't see you Rio: He's ruined it he's ruined everything Buster: I love you Buster: I need to see that you're okay Buster: I need to make sure you are Rio: I'm so far from fucking okay Rio: I'm a mess Buster: All the more reason for me to be there Rio: You don't get it Rio: I've always been a mess Buster: Everyone is Buster: I'm the biggest mess going Rio: You said it yourself Rio: he knows how to pick 'em Buster: Shut up Buster: He doesn't get to choose you Rio: He was saying so much stuff Rio: stuff he shouldn't know about me no one should Buster: Tell me Rio: I don't think I can Buster: You have to Buster: Who else is there? Rio: I think Lottie and Meena are here, with their kids, and keeping an eye on the rest Rio: Mum and Nan went to find my Dad and your Ma and Nance went with Ro Buster: That's not what I meant Buster: You're not gonna tell them Buster: So its me or nobody Buster: Don't keep his secrets for him Buster: He barely did Rio: I don't even want to think about it Rio: never mind say it Rio: I want to forget the whole thing Buster: I know you do Buster: But that's not gonna happen Buster: I'm sorry but it won't Rio: It's so Rio: embarrassing doesn't cover it but that's all I can say when all the stuff he knows, anyone could Rio: really Rio: it's not like he had to try hard to get the info Buster: He knows things about you, he doesn't know you Buster: If he did he'd know you don't want him to do that shit to you Rio: He said he reckoned I was ready for the real thing Buster: He's full of shit Buster: What the fuck is that even meant to mean? Rio: He heard what I call you Rio: 'cos I fucking let him Rio: you know Buster: He's such a sick fuck Rio: I am Rio: what doesn't turn me on Buster: He doesn't Buster: And he knows that Rio: Clearly not Buster: You've made it clear enough times Buster: He should only need to hear it once Rio: It's all part of the game isn't it Buster: It's not a game, babe Buster: None of this is Rio: It shouldn't be but Buster: It isn't Buster: Listen to me Rio: What Buster: Don't let him in your head like this Rio: How can I think of anything else Buster: That's why you need to talk about it Buster: If you can't now then later but Buster: It's not his fucking story to twist it happened to you Rio: It's better for everyone if it was me Rio: it's too much Buster: It's not better for you Buster: And you're the only one I care about Rio: Why Buster: Why what? Rio: Why do you care about me or like me Buster: I love you Buster: I know he can't make you forget that Rio: I know but I don't know why Buster: You're smart and funny and beautiful Buster: You care so much about everyone and everything and you make me feel not only like I'm not a piece of shit but that I'm actually good Buster: You're literally the most generous person I've ever met in my life Buster: With your time too, like Buster: You're always saving me when I should be saving you Rio: I'm glad I make you feel like that Rio: you are good Buster: So are you Buster: You're so good, Rio Rio: I really don't mean to do the wrong thing Buster: And you really haven't Buster: He fucked up, not you Rio: I wanna believe you Rio: but also everything is so bad now it doesn't even matter Rio: and it's only going to get worse Buster: Of course it matters Buster: You matter more than anything Rio: Everyone hates me now except you Buster: No they don't Buster: They love you Rio: Nah Buster: If they hated you it wouldn't be such a mess Buster: You'd just be gone Buster: Like he'll be Rio: I don't wanna deal with this Rio: can we go somewhere Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm stuck in traffic but its moving Rio: I mean forever Rio: or I'll just curl up into a ball and die Buster: You can come to London with me Buster: But that's as far as I can go right now Rio: I know that really Rio: I can't think straight or work out any actual plan right now Buster: You don't have to Buster: I can't think straight either and he didn't do it to me so Rio: I'm sorry Rio: I didn't want to tell you but I had to too Rio: can't expect my Ma to do that like she is my Da 'cos I can't fucking look at him Buster: Don't ever fucking say sorry Buster: Not for this Buster: I'm sorry that this happened to you Buster: I should've been there Rio: You can't always be there Buster: Well then, I should've stopped him before now Rio: You can't do that either Rio: it's not your fault Buster: I could've Buster: I could've broken both his arms and then he'd never be able to touch you Rio: Buster Buster: Don't Buster: It's better than the alternative of sitting in traffic crying which is all I can fucking do now Rio: I don't know what to say Buster: You don't have to say anything Buster: Not for my benefit Rio: I wish this wasn't happening to you though Buster: Well, I wish it hadn't happened to you Rio: I love you, you know Buster: Yeah, I do Buster: I love you too Rio: I'm going to be able to fix this Rio: aren't I Buster: There's nothing you need to fix Buster: But it won't always be this bad, I promise Rio: Come on Rio: There's plenty Rio: everything is basically fucked Buster: But none of it is your fault Buster: You can't fix everyone else for them Rio: Who else will, babe Buster: They'll either do it or they won't Buster: It ain't your job Rio: I'm so tired Buster: I know, baby Rio: I can't live like this Buster: Tell me what I can do Buster: If you wanna leave, we'll leave Rio: Maybe I should just fuck off somewhere Rio: for a bit Buster: Do you not want me there? Rio: Of course I do Rio: I mean a bit more long term though Rio: you've got to go back to School Buster: Fuck school Buster: I wanna be with you Rio: You need School, babe Buster: You need me and I need you Rio: Maybe I'll come to London Rio: what if Ro does though, 'cos what the fuck is she gonna do now Rio: I've got to avoid her forever Buster: No you don't Rio: you didn't hear her Rio: she definitely hates me Buster: I didn't have to Buster: He's just headfucked her like he tried to do with you Rio: he's going to want his flat back isn't he Rio: where am I gonna go, back to my parents, fuck Buster: I'll get you a new one Buster: Here or in London, wherever you want Rio: Don't be ridiculous Buster: I'm serious Rio: You can't just do that Rio: we can't can we Buster: Of course I can Buster: I was gonna sort one for Chlo and I can't stand her Rio: I don't know Rio: sounds too good to be true Buster: Trust me Buster: I'm not gonna let you down again, okay Rio: You haven't Buster: That ain't true but it will be Rio: It is! Buster: I've let you down loads of times, today is just the worst one Rio: Shut up Rio: You don't owe me anything Buster: Whatever you say, babe Rio: I mean it Rio: you can't be taking any blame for any of this Buster: I do though Buster: Only my share but still Rio: No Buster: Come on Rio: No, I'm serious Rio: this is going to fuck with so many people Rio: not you too, I can't handle it Buster: I'm sorry Buster: I'm not trying to upset you Rio: I don't care about me, just don't be sad Buster: I care about you Buster: I'd do anything for you, you know that Rio: Just stay you Rio: that's all I want Buster: I promise Rio: Good Buster: Are you letting me in or coming out? Rio: Come out, only your Dad should be home, right? Rio: I can't face anyone yet Buster: Fuck knows where he is Rio: Just make up an excuse and I'll apologise to them later Rio: I can't be here and I can't go to the flat Buster: We can go anywhere, my car's full Rio: It'll all be better in Skerries, yeah? Buster: It can't be worse Buster: And it'll just be me and you Rio: Yeah? Rio: You know, we're going to have to tell people we're together Rio: or they'll probably phone the garda like I'm a suicide risk if they reckon I'm on my own Buster: I'll sort it Buster: Do you need me to get anything from the flat for you before we go? Rio: Something comfortable and baggy and not this fucking stupid dress Buster: Easy Buster: I'll go there now Rio: Have you seen my wardrobe? Harder than it should be Buster: I've left more than enough stuff there to make it work Buster: Which is just as well if I don't wanna drive back that way again to pack Rio: Yeah, I don't care Rio: I don't much feel like being a person anyway Buster: Anything we don't have I'll buy it Rio: I'm sorry, this is so stupid Rio: Are you sure I'm not being a pussy? Do I have to stay and face this now Buster: No Buster: We're going Rio: Okay Rio: I was hoping you'd say that Buster: I know what you need, babe, that's never gonna change Rio: I love you Rio: I wish I was better for you Buster: You're the best Buster: I love you so much Buster: Whatever else you are, you're perfect for me Rio: You're so nice Buster: And honest Buster: So believe it Rio: I'll try, like Buster: Good

[lefthanded-sans]

Why I'll Always Scream About Mordin’s Character Arc

With the approach of Mass Effect: Andromeda, I have recently replayed the Shepard saga, and feel the need anew to scream about how much I enjoy this trilogy. One thing that has always excited me is Mordin Solus’ plot arc, culminating in his ME3 death scenes. I want to thank @peachdoxie for convincing me to garner the courage to analyze this five years after Mass Effect 3’s release. It feels wonderful to dive in with discourse about what I find an incredible, emotional, and well-constructed narrative.

Mordin’s character - and his character arc - are based largely upon his internal conflict between logic and compassion. It’s the difference between what he thinks he believes is right versus what he feels within his conscience. He has a set moral framework and strong sense of logic by which he abides, but that conduct doesn’t erase the uneasy feelings stewing inside. What is so powerful about Mordin’s plot arc is that he does a complete one-eighty, undoing his own greatest scientific achievement, in his process to find inner peace. His prior scientific work creating the modified genophage leaves him haunted with moral questions; his choice to cure the genophage brings him closure for his past. Through this, he finally finds a cause he can dive into where both his rationality and his compassionate conscience work as one.

The conflict between his head and heart is finally resolved, and he can die taking action – for the first time – with full, unfettered conviction.

Mordin’s Introduction and Character Set-Up

Lots of ways to help people. Sometimes heal patients. Sometimes execute dangerous people. Either way helps. – Mordin Solus, ME2

When Mordin is first introduced, he demonstrates an interesting duality: he is both a man of healing and a man of killing. His reputation precedes him, and Shepard hears stories about him before they meet. These stories are full of this paradox. On one side, he’s a doctor who heals people gratis in plague-infested slums and offers refuge to all sapient species. On the other side, Aria comments, “He's as likely to heal you as he is to shoot you,” and several Omega locals remark upon how Mordin calmly guns down both a gang of vorcha and a squad of Blue Suns mercs… and leaves the corpses as a warning in front of his *hospital*.

But Mordin makes clear from the start that he does not believe this paradox is paradoxical. Everything he chooses to do, he does with utmost reason and ethical consideration. He cares deeply about organic rights while simultaneously acknowledging that sometimes, to help others, dangerous people need to be eliminated. He is both a doctor and a military operative; he will do what it takes, whether it’s save innocents or murder wrongdoers. Straying from this course of action Mordin considers “naïve.” He pins the word both on Daniel when the young man says doctors should only help people, and on Shepard if she says curing the genophage will lead to only good things.

There is an initial strong confidence that Mordin holds about himself regarding his genophage work. He insists it was the best solution to everyone – krogan included – and tells Shepard, “No apologies. Did what was right. Hope you do the same when necessary.” Mordin knows he researched all possible outcomes thoroughly with his team about how to handle the krogans, and thus is able to state with unyielding conviction, “Genophage modification protected galaxy.” He even can argue this solution is merciful to krogans, too. The genophage simply establishing their birthrates to pre-industrial levels and allows the species a chance to survive.

This footage of Patrick Weekes talking about Mordin’s character hits at that very point:

So for me Mordin is two different characters. The first character is the one I was given when I came onto Mass Effect 2. And I was told he is the scientist who redid the genophage, and my initial reaction was… unrecordable… but translated roughly as, “That jerk,” because Wrex was my bro. So I had a choice. In manager speak, I had a probletunity, where I can either write Mordin as just a guy who did that and just went, “Yup, sterilized ’im,” and you know, maybe the really Renegade players would like that, but everyone else would go, “I’m never using him, he’s atrocious, he’s a war criminal, how could you do that” …or I could challenge myself more and try to write someone who saw himself as good. Some who saw himself as the guy who made the hard choice, who doesn’t take the easy way out, who doesn’t cartoonishly justify anything he did, but gets up every day, looks in the mirror, and says, “It was the right thing to do, even if I am sorry I had to do it.” So that’s what I tried to bring to him. And then the other part of it is the Gilbert and Sullivan.

It’s astonishing to see a character stand so strongly for his work… when that work is what others might consider to be an illegal bioweapon, a war crime, or even species-wide infanticide that leaves at least millions of newborns dead. And yet Mordin truly does hold that he did the “right thing.”

Sort of.

And that’s where his character conflict arises and his narrative truly begins.

Mordin’s Moral Framework

What does it matter if the ground is stained with the blood of millions? You taught me that the end justified the means. – Maelon Heplorn, ME2

One passive observation I’ve noted in fiction is that writers tend to downplay or criticize consquentialist frameworks. Completely “pure” and “good” contemporary Western culture heroes are usually more deontological in their ethical scope. I feel even Mass Effect relays internal moral vibes suggesting it’s better to avoid consequentialist choices. Thus, one thing I’ve found fascinating and attractive about Mordin is that he is someone who demonstrates a utilitarian framework.

To provide a definition: consequentialism is the ethical philosophy that the end justifies the means. Anything is morally permissible or praiseworthy if you work toward a positive end result. Utilitarianism, now, is a common type of consequentialism. Utilitarianism holds that a person should morally maximize the good while minimizing the bad and painful.

Mordin acts under the idea the end justify the means. Maelon himself says that his mentor espoused this philosophy. These ideologies are manifested throughout the games with Mordin’s words and actions. It goes beyond his choice to create the genophage. Mordin recommends dangerous people be killed if they are going to be a risk to others, be it aggressive batarians in Omega’s Gozu district or Rana Thonoptis on Korlus. He’s even fine killing Maelon. It’s pretty utilitarian: pain is minimized by culling the dangerous people who would harm others. He’s said other things that make me cock me head to one side in consideration, too; if he follows Shepard aboard the Collector vessel, he’ll call the pile of dead bodies “despicable,” but at the same time say, “This was wrong. Inhumane. Even if Collectors needed to kill for experiments, could have ended lives painlessly.” By his phraseology, it’s almost as though he’s not discarding the possibility death might be needed for some experimental cases, but what he finds objectionable is that they caused unnecessary pain while doing so.

That said, Mordin does have some “cut-off points” by which he believes something is wrong on principle. This would potentially make him fall into the category of rules-based utilitarianism, which holds that there are certain moral rules that exist because they overarchingly cause greater utility (less suffering and greater good). Mordin refuses to do experiments on species capable of calculus, for instance, drawing the line on the ground there, and also says he will never kill with medicine. He justifies the genophage in part by claiming it prevents birth rather than kills, so that still falls within his realm of moral reason.

And it is to note Mordin approaches life’s challenges through careful rationality. His choices are not based upon impulse, intuition, or instinct so much as conditioned rules, rationality, and principle. To quote this article, which I think provides an intriguing synopsis of his character:

[…] his upbeat demeanor hides a cold, calculating mind that has spent years dealing with the most difficult decisions in the solar system - decisions that Shepard is drawn into over the course of the second and third games. […] As you bond with him, he opens, and you see him dissect the terrible problems he's faced with an analytical mindset. He has done the moral mathematics - he will kill a million to save ten million - but his genophage is a slow, painful deathblow for the Krogan.

This philosophical framework usually characterizes how Mordin speaks up front to individuals. It is how he gives his official stories, justifications, and reasonings behind his choices. 

But here’s the thing: even though he holds fairly strong by this philosophy, he’s not emotionally settled on all his logical points. As Shepard comes to know Mordin more, she can see within him how he is distressed by what he has done. Mordin mostly - but not completely - believes he is doing the right thing. There is a “battle between logic and compassion that lies at the heart of his character.”

Mordin’s Conscience

We all fracture in different ways. Mordin’s conscience haunted him. Maelon crossed the line into barbaric experiments. And myself, I went searching for whatever gods created the rules for this unfortunate universe. – Padok Wiks, ME3 

At first, Mordin might seem like someone settled with the choices he made, grounded in what he has done. But the more Shepard comes to know Mordin, the more she sees the holes. Beneath the logic Mordin advocates is an individual unsettled with his scientific accomplishments. And really, once you know that Mordin is actually divided about his genophage research, the more you see his shaken interior emerge.

Mordin’s unsettled conscience comes out from the first conversation he has with Shepard about his modified genophage. He opens the conversation by admitting he deceived Shepard about his work in the STG; he stares out a window, not making eye contact, when he utters these words. That already speaks volumes about how he feels. “Work on genophage was more than just study,” he admits, with a vocal inflection that sounds more doleful and serious than his typical jabbering. This topic is heavy for him. If Shepard responds in a skeptical, Renegade manner, he stammers, uncomfortable, more awkward than typical. He says Shepard needs to know “What I… did,” with an inflection perhaps hinting at the guilt inside him.

The further this conversation progresses, and the more Shepard asks questions about why he didn’t take different actions, the more animated Mordin gets. His voice rises, sounding more anxious, urgent, and harsh; he paces; he waves his arms emphatically; he makes illogical half-truths; he almost sounds defensive at several points. The moments when his voice is most defensive occur whenever he tries justifying the genophage as the right choice. “Modified genophage offered best outcome,” he says, while pacing, waving his hands, and sounding extremely stressed. “Stabilized population. Avoided publicity that could incite krogan anger.” The fact Mordin gets so worked up at this moment foreshadows the agonized heart he later exposes on Tuchanka. He’s giving Shepard the logical answer with his words, but his body language and vocal inflection convey he’s not happy with his logical answer, either. This topic stresses him precisely because it doesn’t hit well on his conscience.

It’s during the loyalty mission on Tuchanka that Mordin’s discomfort really comes to the forefront. Mordin’s initial character introduction is about establishing his confidence in his logical solution for the genophage. Mordin’s character development here digs into the meat of his narrative conflict: he’s still struggling with the aftereffects of his choice. The introduction shows his head; the development shows his heart. Mordin admits it can be hard to sleep at night. He admits everyone on his team changed after they saw the impact of their work (and Padok confirms Mordin changed, too, once he began recon missions on Tuchanka). Mordin outright says the genophage project was ethically uncertain. He says he established a clinic on Omega because it’s not ethically ambiguous, but a solacing and straightforward means of helping people in his retired years. It won’t cause him the stress the genophage project has done. And science, which once held the greatest excitement and certainty for him… now cannot comfort him in his moral dilemma. Mordin dives into religion to seek out a spiritual solution to his nagging conscience.

It’s not a casual dive into religion, either. At least, that is what might be implied by what Shepard learns. The evidence almost seems to align with the idea Mordin’s religious explorations were a big deal at a critical point in his life. A younger Mordin was willing to enter a fistfight with Padok about whether or not evolution was guided by higher powers. It suggests Mordin would have probably rejected religious notions in earlier years. Yet the Shadow Broker’s information on Mordin shows that later in life, he was even interviewed about the combination of science and faith. Mordin demonstrates significant knowledge in multiple religions, mentioning salarian theology, batarian beliefs, krogan gods, Hinduism, and more Christian references than basically all the human characters in Mass Effect make. He needed to do a massive amount of soul-searching because of his work with the STG.

Even in the Tuchanka hospital, Mordin still holds by his beliefs about modifying the genophage and reinfecting the krogan. He still says it was the right choice. He speaks about it less happily, but he still holds onto that argument. Yet now Shepard can see - very clearly - how much this choice burdens him. Even the Shadow Broker notices that Mordin working with Shepard on the Collectors is an attempt to rectify himself about his past actions. The loyalty mission makes Mordin’s conscience obvious.

Regardless of how Mordin decides to handle Maelon and the research data, this adventure on Tuchanka highlights Mordin’s interior doubt. Maelon says Mordin taught him the end justifies the means - but these krogan in Maelon’s hospital deserved better and Mordin recognizes this. This adventure brings his mind to the forefront of his personal and ongoing ethical struggles. He can choose to delete the data to try to gain closure, or take it with him; kill Maelon for his unethical choices, or send him off to Omega for his own soul-searching and healing; but regardless, Mordin does not gain closure on Tuchanka. It picks at the wound that Mordin knows is not healed.

The logic and the compassion are still at odds with one another. In the heart of Mordin’s character development, they are at odds almost more than ever before.

It’s in Mass Effect 3 that Mordin finds a way to do something about it.

From Creating to Curing the New Genophage

I made a mistake! I made a mistake. Focused on big picture. Big picture made of little pictures. Too many variables. Can’t hide behind statistics. Can’t ignore new data. My responsibility. – Mordin Solus, ME3

Initially, it might seem as though Mordin chooses to cure the genophage because political circumstances between species change. That is his official story to Shepard, too. If she asks him why he’s so comfortable curing the genophage now, he tells her, “Never change mind. Genophage proper decision at time. New circumstances necessitate course correction.”

However, just like Mordin gives his good logic to Shepard in ME2 but internally carries an emotional perspective, so also does there seem to be more going on with Mordin’s motivations and the genophage here. Like so much of Mordin’s narrative, it’s open to implication and interpretation, but I feel as though so much points to Mordin feeling more than “new circumstances necessitat[ing] course correction”.

First, Shepard asks Mordin if there is more behind his reason to cure the genophage beyond the Reaper invasion and political changes. She suggests there could be additional personal reasons for his investment. He admits there are few salarian scientists interested in the genophage and none with the experience needed for a matter of this magnitude. And then he says, “But not about them. My work. My job to put it right, to prove I can.” He does have personal stakes.

The second point to note is what Urdnot Bakara says about Mordin. Bakara notices an underlying, unspoken motivation for Mordin tackling the genophage cure. “I sense pain in him [...]. He told me about his work on the genophage. I should consider him an enemy. Yet I think seeing my sisters and I changed something in him.”

Mordin has already been questioning his past. As Padok says, Mordin’s work on the genophage haunted him. Visiting Maelon’s hospital on Tuchanka was influential for Mordin questioning his actions more. Meeting Bakara and the other weakened female krogan from Maelon’s research is the final experience, the catalyst, for him switching to curing the genophage.

Third, Mordin lets it loose his personal for curing the Genophage in the Renegade route. Shepard presses Mordin for why he chooses to cure the genophage after defending it every conversation before now. He wheels around, uncustomarily shouts, and declares with a rare full sentence, “I made a mistake!”

Mordin chooses to leak the intel about Bakara’s fertility to none other than the Urdnot clan. He is the person who mentions the possibility of a genophage cure to the krogan, even before negotiations officially start between the turians, krogans, and salarians in ME3. He is the person who plants the idea that the genophage can be cured now to the krogan. Mordin chooses to leave the STG and help develop a cure for Bakara on the Normandy. Mordin chooses to die saving the krogan because he made a mistake.

He can’t fight back all the logic anymore. His conscience that plagued him for years was right: he made a mistake.

That’s his real, uncovered motivation.

Mordin might say he never holds regrets over past choices, but here, in the heat of the moment, he lets loose that his choice was the wrong one. Perhaps he did not have the proper data at the time, but now he shouts he made the wrong choice to recreate the genophage. Suddenly, his calmer conversation to Shepard aboard the Normandy, where he says it is, “my job to put it right,” gets understood in a fuller context. His conscience is why he’s so dogged to cure the krogan.

And then his internal battle between his head and heart ends on the Shroud. After developing Mordin and letting us know why he’s conflicted, we get the solution to his internal struggles.

THIS is why I love Mordin’s death scenes. THIS is why I adore them. It’s a beautiful character arc start to end. His character introduction lets us know he created the new genophage. His plot conflict lets us know he’s struggling about his past choices. This struggle is seeded in his divided rationality and compassion. We watch this personal struggle gets developed, exacerbated in his ME2 loyalty mission. It prompts a change in ME3 that is geared more toward his conscience. And there on Tuchanka, right before he dies... he finds resolution to what he has been fighting since before Shepard even met him.

He gets resolution to both the external genophage conflict and his internal war between conscience and logic.

Here, for the first time, Mordin doesn’t act with his logic overriding his conscience. He doesn’t act with his sentiments clouding his reasoning. 

Mordin, when he dies, solves his personal problem with the genophage.

Mordin, when he dies, fundamentally impacts the future of the galaxy.

And Mordin, when he dies, finally acts with his logic and conscience working as one.

Renegade Route Death

No time to argue. Cure dispersal imminent. Must counteract sabotage. Stop me if you must. – Mordin Solus, ME3

I’m a huuuuuge sucker for betrayals and characters dying short of their culminating self-aggrandizement. The fact that you - Commander Shepard - can choose to betray and murder your own friend for his own convictions is astonishing. Despite the fact you brought him on board the Normandy to create the cure, you can turn around and gun him down for that very work. It’s so impacting we the player can choose to assassinate our dear ally. I find this the most brutal and least chill death in the Mass Effect trilogy I’ve experienced. So yeah, I like the Paragon death better (for reasons I’ll discuss in the next section), but I still find many wonderful and juicy things about the Renegade Route death. This is a great ending to Mordin’s plot arc, too, and wraps up so much about what I adore about his personal narrative.

The first thing I love I already mentioned. The Renegade route has an incredible final conversation between Mordin and Shepard. Only in this route does Mordin shout out unfettered the motivation behind his genophage cure. He doesn’t make this confession in the Paragon route... only here.

That one sentence shout “I made a mistake!” is perfect. To point out:

It’s shocking because Mordin admits he made a mistake! He has been harping throughout his relationship with Shepard that he does not have regrets and he takes charge of situations because “someone else might have gotten it wrong.” However, now Mordin turns back on everything he stood for with the genophage modification project. He even says he cannot hide behind statistics, something Shepard accuses him of doing in ME2. Here Mordin is siding resolutely, firmly with the cure and claiming he got his first choice wrong. It’s a mistake.

How the line is delivered creates additional shock and impact. It’s not his typical telegraphic sentence, deleting subject position nouns or pronouns. He say the full thing, starting with “I”. It’s not “Made a mistake.” It’s “I made a mistake.” And he says that twice.

This shout is a short resolution for what Mordin will now unwaveringly do. He is willing to die for the krogan to be cured. We now know what his heart feels.

Immediately after his outburst, Mordin explains. New data has shown a cure is a better future than the krogan retaining the genophage. Between his initial raw shout and the subsequent logical countering, Mordin demonstrates his logic and conscience are working together. He feels he has to cure the genophage because he has to fix his errors. He has to clean up his mess, which gave him so much emotional haunting in the past. That’s the compassion speaking. And he sees from the current data around him that this is the best solution for the galaxy. That’s the logic and moral philosophical framework speaking.

This is why Mordin is willing to die. He didn’t have to die to save the krogan, especially in the Renegade version of the Shroud scene. Shepard makes it clear: “Walk away or I will fire.” Commander Shepard will only shoot Mordin if he tries to counteract the sabotage and implement the cure. She’ll spare him if he steps aside. A Mordin who is working on just logic might not be resolute enough to stand his ground. A Mordin who is working on just compassion would definitely not be resolute enough to stand his ground - he’s overriden his compassion in the past for logic. But Mordin will not back down when both his head and his heart tell him the genophage cure is the correct choice to pursue.

The second thing I find fascinating is that technically Mordin is dying from the consequences of his own moral framework. There’s good reason I yabbered up top about his philosophical disposition, folks. The truth of the matter is that Commander Shepard kills Mordin because of a consequentialist framework, too. The end justifies the means. Assassinating one friend to save a galaxy is what it takes, and that’s what she does. Mordin even seems to realize this; he deduces why Shepard is threatening him, and while he insists this is his choice to make, he doesn’t seem too surprised or upset at her ethical reasoning. It’s because it mirrors what he has done so often in the past.

It’s to note Mordin never wavers from utilitarianism, either. Again, his logic and his conscience are working as one. For Mordin, it does bring the greatest utility to save the krogan. That is the best choice. He’s willing to face the consequence of dying to see that end result through. It just so happens that Shepard disagrees, and is also willing to do what it takes to get her desired end result.

And so he dies.

The third thing I adore about the Renegade death is that Mordin dies for his convictions... but he doesn’t succeed. He is cut short. He never gets his resolution. He dies, struggling, choking on his own blood, croaking out the words, “Not yet.” With his final painful breaths, he tries to save the krogan anyway.

Mordin’s character arc is complete... sort of. It’s a powerful result. A powerful moment. He spends years haunted by his inner demons about the genophage. When he finally finds how he can ease his sense of guilt while still maintaining his logic... he dies. Shepard sees to it that he never finishes his quest for internal peace.

I love how the Renegade route doesn’t let you forget the consequences of your choice. The writing demonstrates some deontological bias (they don’t rub your mistakes in your face in the Paragon route), but it’s a great sentiment. Players feel guilt even when making a consequentialist choice... sort of like what Mordin had to live with. You did what was necessary to save the galaxy. But Shepard throws her pistol aside in disgust and marches away. And while everyone else is crying Mordin as a “hero,” you are sitting there... unable to divulge to anyone else... your dirty little secret.

Paragon Route Death

That was the courage of the highest order, sacrificing himself so our children may live. A thousand years from now we’ll probably be singing songs about him. – Urdnot Bakara and Wrex, ME3 

Now here’s why I celebrate the Paragon Route more than Mordin’s Renegade death (or the third option where he survives the Shroud encounter). It can be boiled down to three big reasons:

1. The narrative of Mordin’s conflict gets wrapped up beautifully. The dialogue is written for extraordinary impact to get us that sense of painful yet resonant completion. 2. Mordin dies both bravely and not bravely. His choice is brave but his body language is not. It makes it more poignant to watch him knowingly go to his death. 3. Mass Effect is a story about heroism and legendary heroes, and through this route, Mordin becomes that unforgettable hero.

There are other reasons I’m attracted to it like the music and me preferring the Paragon route as a whole, but I’ll stick with these big three points. These are of course just my opinion, but here’s why I why I feel it.

1. Wrapping up Mordin’s narrative with beautiful writing and dialogue

Mordin surviving, ironically enough, is the least resolving for me. Sure, Shepard can talk to Mordin in London and assure him he did the right thing on Tuchanka, and Mordin can go help with the Crucible... but his story doesn’t feel resolved. The Renegade death has a resolute ending... he got resolve but he failed. The Paragon death has a resolute ending... he got resolve and succeeded. But if Mordin is convinced to follow Linron’s plan and go into hiding, we don’t get closure. 

What is so nice about Mordin’s character arc (compared to many other ME characters) is that his arc is integrally wrapped up with Shepard’s main story. Jacob’s or Samara’s stories in ME3 are peripheral to Shepard’s central conflict. But Mordin gets caught right in the vortex of one of the most crucial alliances in history. To lack closure in his character arc also means a lack of closure for what happens in Shepard’s experiences. If Mordin decides he’ll keep himself alive and maybe cure the genophage later, we don’t get a consummation of logic and compassion; we don’t get resolution of his internal character struggles. We don’t complete the plot arc that has been building for two games. And if Mordin decides that he might cure the genophage “later,” then we don’t get any real resolution about the fate of the krogans, either. Act One in ME3 never “ends.” It’s left up in the air, we move onto a different conflict, and we can only speculate about what the hell happens later. Nothing gets resolved.

The Paragon death, as I see it, is the ultimate resolution to Mordin’s narrative journey. It takes everything we love about him - from his odd little inconsequential quirks to the center of his character conflict - and gives us a final wrap-up. He turns about one-eighty, finds his internal peace, and becomes a hero that saves an entire civilization.

Like the Renegade death, Mordin enters this with his head and heart working as one. Here, Mordin isn’t even pressured by someone threating him. Here, he offers his own life up: it’s both the most ethical thing to do by his moral framework, and it’s the one that gives his conscience peace. And after seeing Mordin so long tormented by the genophage... we finally see this character... achieve resolution.

He implements the cure. He stops the sabotage. And when he hears the speakers announce the cure will disperse over Tuchanka... he smiles. Even though he knows he will die in the next few seconds, this is the first and last time we will ever see Mordin at peace.

Next, the writers work up the moment to Mordin’s demise in a powerful way. I’m accustomed to seeing characters die after they give their catch phrase or one final powerful quote. What makes Mordin’s death so emotional is that we don’t get one phrase by which we can remember him. The writers give us three blows with three final quotes to evoke our emotions. Boom. One fond and important memory of him. Boom. The next. Boom. And he is gone.

The first “boom” is mentioning seashells. It hurts not just because it’s a funny moment you share with him. It hurts because he’s talking about what he wanted to do after the war ended. He and Shepard both know he’ll never get to study those seashells; he’s going to die in action. This turns a humorous conversation into a painful reminder he’s walking into his own death.

The next “boom” is giving Shepard his catch phrase. She offers condolences when she sees he’s about to go on the suicide mission, but he responds he’s not sorry. “Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.” These are his final words to her for which she will remember him. These are his intended “last words.” Note that writing writing works well in threes, and this is the third time the “had to be me” quote appears, too!

The last “boom” is when he literally dies in an explosion. The first song Mordin sings to Shepard becomes the last song we hear. And he doesn’t even finish the line. We’re deprived of the song’s conclusion. “I am the very model of a --” Gone.

That song, “I am the very model of a scientist salarian,” is the tune he sings about himself and his life’s work. It’s his favorite song to sing. It’s a cheerful summary and celebration of what he can accomplish. And here, even as he dies, even as he can’t finish his lyrics, he does the greatest and most powerful thing he has ever done. He shows exactly what a scientist salarian can do.

Just talk about the perfect way to kill a character: he dies singing.

2. Mordin didn’t die “bravely”

I’ve seen other people talk about this, too. I’m just going to link you to a wonderful analysis on Reddit and quote what I’ve seen. It speaks for itself. I don’t need to add anything to it.

It wasn't that it was a brave sacrifice. It was by definition, of course, but it was far more than that. To me, I thought Mordin's sacrifice was powerful because it wasn't brave. I'll explain:

From the moment we meet Mordin on Omega, he's described in terms of being willing to help people, but being murderously savage when he needs to be. He openly speaks about killing surrendering foes, and is generally violent in nature along with his helpful spirit. However, as you go through ME2, you realize he's more than just violent/helpful. He's a complicated person who has done a lot in his short life. He's responsible for the modified Genophage, and he's served in STG. He's obviously brilliant. He loves art, as evidenced by his singing. But when he breaks down on your mission to Tuchanka over the deaths of test subjects, you get the feeling that though he knows what he did was necessary, it eats him up inside.

When you go through ME3, he's dedicated his life to making things right. He's your mole in STG to get Eve out, and he works tirelessly to find a cure for a disease he helped create. Once on Tuchanka, he decides to give his life for the cure to occur. Here I see what's most sad about Mordin. He's not just a tough, violent scientist who is ultimately out for the greater good. As he's going up the elevator, he's visibly nervous. He takes deep breaths. Once he's uploading the cure, he's singing and his voice is wavering. Up until the moment he dies, he's exceedingly vulnerable, his voice nearly breaking. He's scared of dying, but he knows it's for the good of the krogan, and the galaxy. Few characters, with the exception of Garrus, were as stripped down in terms of their psyche as Mordin was. You met both of them and their rough exterior, but by the end of ME3 you saw the cracks and learned who they really were, what they really felt. It's pretty amazing that a video game is able to give this sort of intimacy.

EDIT: And as I'm reading this again, it strikes me: He's also afraid that his work, the genophage, might never be cured. In ME3, his slogan takes on new meaning. "Someone else might have gotten it wrong." Someone else might have tried to cure the genophage, and been unable, or wouldn't have done it fast enough. He's worried, terrified that his legacy wouldn't be working for the greater good, but working for injustice. He realizes by the end of ME2 that his work, while necessary at the time, was wrong, and he devotes his life to fixing it. "Someone else might have gotten it wrong" is his entire purpose, his fears, and his desires all rolled into one.

Characters don’t tend to die like that in stories. In the Renegade death, you get a more “typical” end - a character dying boldly for what he believes in. “Stop me if you must.” We’re used to heroic sacrifices, bravely standing there at the end of it all, in stories. We’re also used to characters screaming and dying in cowardice. But we’re not used to seeing a character heroically choosing to die while at the same time being so terrified.

That just adds an extra layer of emotions as we watch him flinch with each explosion... watch when that next explosion takes him out.

3. Mass Effect is a story about heroes

This is the main reason why I believe I prefer the Paragon route over the Renegade. As juicy as Shepard’s betrayal is, it lacks the emotional resonance of Mordin choosing to die in the tower. Sure, I love reading about players’ guilt and whether or not they can even stomach shooting Mordin... but it can’t beat the emotional resonance of a hero being made.

What made the first two Mass Effect games so exciting and resonant upon completion is that they are the stories of a hero winning against overwhelming odds. Commander Shepard manages to save Council space by defeating Saren and Sovereign in ME - something highly unlikely, but satisfyingly completed. Shepard again beats overwhelming odds in ME2 by outlasting the Suicide Mission and coming out with her team in heroic glory. It’s because Shepard manages to make it through overwhelming odds that we’re left cheering, we’re left excited, we’re left emotionally resonant. I adored the feel of besting the universe. It’s so enjoyably badass!

Mass Effect 3 is different. Don’t get me wrong - I love the game and will defend it start to end. I will defend the end of ME3 far more than almost anyone else I know. I love the whole trilogy. But upon first playthrough, ME3 can feel off. Everything feels more subdued, more weighted. There’s an overhanging sense that the ending won’t be perfect - and indeed, the ending is not optimal. Huge sacrifices are made by the end of the game, and Shepard’s final choice regarding the Reapers results in bittersweet results. It’s not the bang-and-win feel we’ve been accustomed to in the other games. It’s painfully real. The consequences bear down on us, and we don’t feel like we come out of the story heroically. Shepard doesn’t storm through the finish line... she crawls.

So even though Commander Shepard emerges a “hero” in the main storyline, you don’t feel it. You feel “wrong” because she doesn’t overwhelmingly bash down the baddies like in the first two games. Don’t get me wrong - I love bittersweet stories, too, and that’s what I usually write - but it will always feel a little “off” to me that I don’t unwaveringly save the day in ME3. And yeah, my first time I even chose the one and only ending where Shepard lives, and it still felt uncomfortable.

Because that sense of grandiose heroism gets lost in the final cutscenes, I have had to look elsewhere to get my emotional “satisfaction” and fill of heroes in ME3. The quarian and geth conflict has great moments, but because it’s such a group effort, it’s harder for me to feel as though someone like Tali explodes as a hero (she does amazing things and grows, yes, but it’s not that bang-punch-hero feel). If Mordin leaves the Shroud alive or dies without implementing the cure, we get yet another solemn bittersweet ending like Shepard’s "solution” with the Reapers.

But if Mordin dies out in a bang, I get my quota of grandiose heroism. I get that glorious vibe which made me fall in love with ME and continue to love it in ME2.

He’s staggeringly altered the course of the universe. A thousand years of krogan infertility are reversed by the same species that first maimed them. Mordin undoubtedly becomes one of the most influential individuals in the galaxy. This quirky, emotionally struggling doctor you meet on Omega turns from a debatable war criminal to an instant hero.

Krogans celebrate him. He has become the savior for an entire species. Mordin becomes a legend immediately. Krogan will sing ballads about his deeds for millennia to come. The firstborn prince of the leading krogan clan is named after him: Urdnot Mordin. That extraordinary growth of a character, ending when he a legend... it’s powerful. It’s more powerful than a betrayal. It’s more powerful than saying, “Maybe I’ll cure them later.” Here and now, we see the jaw-dropping effects of his conscience and his logic working as one.

So that is why I still scream about Mordin’s plot arc even now.

It’s incredible.

It’s exactly what I want to see in storytelling - from its solid structure, to its depth, to its deep questions, to its impacting emotionality.

The character is set up with an interesting internal conflict that has galaxy-wide implications. After watching him struggle between two sides of his psyche, he finds a way to resolve them both and do a one-eighty, undoing his own greatest accomplishment. He takes on a sense of astounding heroism in his final act and dies with “the courage of the highest order”.

Commander Shepard will always be my hero. But with how they wrote Mordin’s story, I can’t help but gape at him in awe as a hero, too.

[daringdragons]

[Pictured: Kepi, Thain, Rasmus]

@crazyfangarlady @dragonhomeclan @magical-girl-sylveon @jadedragons @shadowdrac-rising @fr-lore-hub If anyone would like to be pinged for future lore from me/updates on this story, just ask~! (toothless I’m pinging your main because tumblr didn’t want to let me tag your fr blog!)

Shifting Winds Part 1, tag for all related stories to this arc, general story tag ~

recommended listening: x x x

Shifting Winds, Part Two: i buried my heart in a hole in the ground

-

Kepi stood frozen, a sudden unease overtaking her as she was greeted by her mentor. He was so close, too close, and she wanted to take a step back, but she didn't.

(There were a great many things Kepi wanted to do but didn't because of Thain.)

It's too soon, she wanted to say.

Why did you have to come here, a small part of herself urged.

“It's good to see you as well,” She responded, that small part screaming in frustration as she completely ignored it. “I...wasn't expecting you so soon.”

“So soon?” He sounded amused, slightly baffled even. “It has been six months, this is all part of the plan, you know that. I would think you would be dying to get on with things by now.”

“Right, yes, of course,” She hoped that she sounded more convincing to Thain's ears than she did to her own. “So...it's ready, then?”

His teeth glinted in the moonlight as he offered a wide smile, laying a hand on her shoulder; she felt as though she must be imagining the way that she could feel the icy cold of his touch through her armor and clothes.

“It is, I harvested the plant mere days ago, and made my way here. The next phase of our plan is nearly upon us.”

She swallowed down the lump in her throat at his words, finally gathering up the willpower to take a step back, noticing the way his hand clenched into a fist as it fell from her shoulder. His words were making her feel sick, suddenly, and the words she said next didn't much help. Conflict had been quietly brewing in her heart for months, and it demanded to be heard, whether she wanted to allow it or not.

“I...I don't know that now is the right time, actually. I think that I need more time, more-”

“Stop.” His voice was icy, and it echoed around her mind as she stopped her almost-ramble. “We cannot wait, Kepi, that is out of the question...the effects of the plant will only work if it is used within a week of harvesting, and after that, the gods only know how long it would take for it to regrow.”

She let out a quiet, shaky breath then, turning her head to stare out, over the edge of the wall, towards the town that Roava was slowly turning into. Thain followed her gaze, taking another step closer, lowering his voice and letting his anger quell for the moment.

“Besides, the sooner you are in control, the better, wouldn't you agree? Look at this place...it's fine, seems to be getting along as well as it can, but think of how much better it will be without your brother ruling. You could transform it from...this, into a place known all across Sornieth as a sprawling, strong kingdom with a beautiful, powerful queen.” He paused, reaching a hand out to her face, still turned towards the village, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, ignoring the way that she flinched, ever so slightly.

“I had been...observing things here, before I went to get the plant...it is clear, most of the dragons here tolerate your brother and his antics, but do they not deserve better?”

Kepi kept her gaze locked on the darkened town, unconsciously afraid of what Thain might see in her eyes were she to face him, but after a few moments, a whisper crossed her lips.

“Yes...yes they do.”

“Of course they do. I'm so glad that you can see that, too,” He leaned back, small smile returning to his face. “Tomorrow, then. I will see you again soon.”

Kepi still didn't turn to look, not until after the chill left her bones, the warmth of the night returning, and when she did, all she found was empty air. Taking a few deep, shaky breaths, she was stuck, halfway between smiling or crying at what was to come.

With a shake of her head, she set her shoulders back, pushing down any emotion her heart may be trying to force on her, and resumed her walk along the wall.

“Kepi!”

Rasmus’ voice rang loud, a bit too loud, across the dining hall as she entered. He was sat at the head of the table, and was waving at her, smiling brightly.

She forced a smile onto her face in return as she approached, though she knew part of it was genuine playful exasperation at her brother and his almost childlike excitement.

“Why did you never tell me about your friend Thain?” He lightly admonished as she came closer, and it was only then that her eyes strayed from him to take note of who was sitting next to him. While to his left sat his mate, Cord, to his right sat Thain, in Rusila’s usual spot.

The sight of him there, sitting next to her brother, smirking, looking perfectly at home, made her heart skip a beat, the scene just so...wrong to her eyes, so out of place. She quickly schooled her features, though, despite how stunned she felt; she knew that she must act as normal as possible.

“Thain, what a surprise it is to see you, it's been too long,” She hoped that her words didn't sound as wooden as they felt leaving her mouth, playing at surprise as best she could when she felt so shaken. Taking her seat next to Cord, no one seemed to be particularly suspicious as far as she could tell.

“Well, you did say that I could always visit you here, so here I am,” He smiled, and he seemed so...normal, just then, she found herself at a loss of what to say. Thankfully for her, she didn't have to say anything, her brother stepping in.

“Of course, any friend of my sister's is a friend of mine,” He grinned, laying a hand on Thain's shoulder; he seemed to flinch, ever so slightly, likely at the deep cold, but he managed to cover it up well enough, not pulling his hand away too quickly. He turned his gaze to his sister, then. “Before you got here, Thain was just telling me about when the two of you first met.”

Kepi looked up from her food, set in front of her moments before, eyes flicking between her brother and Thain, wondering what he possibly could've been saying. Keeping her voice as level as possible, and stuffing a forkful of food into her mouth directly after, she responded with a curious, “Oh?”

“Offering to protect him on his journey through the Tangled Wood, I never knew my sister was so...valiant,” He smirked, eyes glinting playfully.

“Well, I'm no Arys, but I have my moments...just yesterday I held a door open for someone else three different times,” She smirked right back, the heaviness on her chest lightening just a bit, so long as her eyes didn't stray back to Thain.

Rasmus’ laughter was loud and pure, and this, the teasing and the joking, it was so easy, too easy.

Focusing on her food, she hardly noticed as Rusila sat down across from her, until she heard Rasmus apologizing for giving up her seat, explaining who Thain was, introducing the two. Her eyes shot up then, at the two of them sat next to each other, and her stomach flipped as she watched Thain hold out his hand for Rusila to shake.

“As Rasmus said, I am an...old friend of Kepi's. And you are?”

Before Rusila could even say anything, Kepi was interjecting, drawing Thain's gaze to her instead.

“She's my mate.” Her words cut into the moment, louder than she intended, but she didn't quite care.

(Stay away from her, don't touch her, don't look at her, went unsaid, but she knew that Thain understood the meaning behind her words. We have our plans, she plays no part, she’s mine, stay away, stay away, stay away.)

Neither Rusila nor Rasmus, a teasing comment on the tip of his tongue, mentioned that that was the first time she had called Rusila her mate in public; the air was suddenly tense, Kepi and Thain's eyes locked, everyone but them slightly confused.

Thain broke away first, knowing that the tension needed to be broken. He looked back to Rusila, his hand still holding hers.

(Kepi reluctantly quieted the urge that told her to dive across the table and tear their hands apart.)

“Well then, it is a pleasure to meet you, Kepi's mate...you are both very lucky dragons, if I say so myself,” He smiled, and Rusila reflexively blushed slightly as she pulled her hand away, mumbling that it was nice to meet him as well.

When breakfast ended, Thain announced that he was going to do a bit of exploring around Roava; Rasmus shook his hand, expressing his disappointment that he was too busy to show him around properly, and leaving him with, “You're more than welcome to stay here tonight, in fact I insist. At the very least, I expect to see you at dinner!”

Kepi wanted to laugh at that, Rasmus’ words playing over in her head for the rest of the day.

Dinner came, with Thain sitting at Rasmus’ side again, having proclaimed him his guest of honor. “You're my sister's friend, and a fine seeming dragon at that, and it will be easier for you to tell me anymore stories about her if you're next to me.” He grinned, drawing a laugh from Thain, who gladly took his seat.

(If only he knew just how easy he was making things.)

Kepi had felt jittery all day, even moreso now, knowing what was coming soon. Attempting to distract herself, she turned her attention fully away from Thain and her brother, instead conversing with her nephew, Ravi, sat right next to her; he always lifted her mood, and most anyone else's.

Long after dinner was finished, conversation still flowing around the table, Rasmus was the first to call it a night.

“It's been a long day of kingly duties,” He laughed as he stood, steadying himself with the help of the table. “And tomorrow will likely be another...best that I get to sleep.”

Cord squeezed his hand, promising to join him soon, still talking to Rusila. Rasmus made his way down the table, murmuring good nights as he passed everyone; Kepi turned and looked up at her brother as he passed, staring him in the eyes as she said goodnight. He smiled as he squeezed her shoulder, his touch feather light, and moved on.

Kepi looked down at her empty plate, squeezing her eyes shut as she heard the doors to the dining hall open, and then, and then-

A flurry of gasps came from the other end of the table, followed by the sound of multiple chairs scraping against the floor, and everyone at her end of the table turned a curious eye, conversations forgotten.

“Ravi!” One voice rang out, the king's sworn knight, Arys, sounding frantic. “Come quickly, it's the king, he's collapsed!”

Ravi and Cord both nearly threw their chairs on the ground as they stood, rushing to the scene; Rusila followed a moment later, leaving only Kepi, Thain, and Kepi's niece, Soleil.

(Soleil, the seer, who had been casting curious glances at Kepi for months, who Kepi couldn't help but wonder just how much she could see.)

Kepi opened her eyes, looking up, finding her niece staring directly at her, her eyes cold, hard, and knowing.

Why didn't you stop me, part of Kepi wanted to ask her, but she quickly pushed down that part. The time for doubts was gone, it was too late to do anything but play her part, and play it well.

Slowly, she stood, looking over at Thain as she did. He was feigning concern, casting glances towards the other end of the room, but when his eyes met hers, she could see the delight, the triumph, the amusement in them.

Perfectly still for the first time all day, she moved towards the group gathered, all staring down. Her temporary absence was scarcely missed, everyone focused elsewhere.

Gently pushing through the onlookers, she knew what she would find, knew what she had caused.

Ravi and Cord were both kneeling on the ground, and between them lay the king, Rasmus, her brother, his eyes closed, his body almost completely still. His chest was still rising and falling, but much too slowly; Ravi seemed at a loss as he checked his father as best he could, his hands shaking. Cord merely watched, his hands hovering just next to Rasmus, as though he was afraid to touch him. 

Ravi spoke, very quietly, almost to himself, his voice breaking as he glanced towards the gathered crowd of dragons. “He...he won’t wake up.”

-

:’)

for the record, since I want it to be clear: Rasmus isn’t dead. he’s just. sleeping. really deeply.

Thain is the Worst let’s all go kick his ass

part 3 coming very soon! if anyone has any questions or anything like that, definitely feel free to ask, I love yelling about these dragons :v