#he's just my pathetic lil man

[shattered-lazuli]

Some random Lankmann headcanons!!

(cuz I've posted these a while ago on twt, so might as well share them here)

I am so incredibly normal about him <3

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He wouldn't really be a dog nor a cat person, he'd be a lizard person. If he was to have one as pet, it'd be a chameleon

He doesn't like suits (why? cuz it's ironic lol)

He cannot handle spicy food, his limit is fucking black pepper

Since his head is literally an empty hole, he uses it to hide stuff he steals, like snacks, pens or whatever else from Pastra

He analizes the hell out of stories, be it books, movies or whatever, and he loves symbolism

I don't think he's aware of Swankmann's existence. He'll essencially blackout, Swank will do whatever he gotta do for the buck, and Lankmann will just wake up confused on what even happened

His favorite song is Ruler of Everything

He's got a deep hatred for Phil after he destroyed the wall, but he can't actually show it, so he just acts really passive-agressive with him

He doesn't have a favorite type of game, but he hates rhythm games (look at his hands)

He probably giggles and kicks his feet when he sees fanart of himself

WILL WOOD FAN (DR. SUNSHINE IS LITERALLU HI-

Lankmann is really annoying with cleaning. On one hand, he doesn't ruin the house as a roommate. On the other, he'll bother you about a single dirty plate in the sink

Mf sleeps once a week, but whenever he does, you will not wake up his ass, he actually looks dead

He'll go to fast-food places at the most ungodly hours to eat and chat with the cashiers. Both him and the minimun-wage workers rant about their landlords lol

He probably feels a bit self conscious about his height. Like, in the videos, he makes himself look like this big creature, when he's 5'5"

He's actually ordered a Clyde plushie, his purposes are unknown

Lankmann absolutely would fall for updog and deez nuts jokes

That's all I got. If you actually read this whole thing, wow

[rotteneldritchhorror]

They gave Topper a girlfriend— devastating actually, I hope he stays fucking insane and obsessive and possessive and a little bitch cause otherwise what’s the poooiiinntttt

I need my kooks PATHETIC and USELESS. She better blow up on him for ignoring her to do whatever Rafe’s asking of him this time, I need him to be the worst boyfriend ever cause there’s no way that man can Be Normal for a second lol

[megumi-fm]

.

[fearandhatred]

not to push my loser crowley agenda but once they've made up and aziraphale goes to kiss him he should be absolutely floored. gobsmacked. dumbstruck

they'll be standing around the bookshop or something maybe half drunk and aziraphale will start walking towards him and crowley will just get flustered immediately. starts stammering walking backwards stumbles almost trips looks frantically everywhere but aziraphale and then once he has his back against a bookshelf and can't move anymore he's just like Ummmmmmmm 😳 and obviously aziraphale is highly amused at this whole thing and says something along the lines of "it's just me" and crowley's like hng. mmmmnnhhhhh. hhhhhh

[number1yisuchongfan]

Pls pls PLEASE tell us more about your prince sniper au!! I’m already obsessed bc him and scout look so handsome🥺

I’m happy to explain!

Okay some background information:

So it starts with the moment when Bill-Bel gets into an argument with the original (mostly white) ministers of New Zealand about how even though he, a Māori man, saved all of New Zealand from “magma and nuclear war” they refuse to let him join the council and make him a minister.

They tell him because they’re sick of living down there and that’s he’s not worthy of being on there.

In his frustration, he manages to rally up the Māori iwi (tribes) of New Zealand and many of the white New Zealanders, into making him into the king.

He changes everything once he’s in control. The white New Zealanders or Pākehā get sent off to live in their own space within Aotearoa and the Māori get to having the majority their land back.

The next 29 years is quite peaceful, the local nature and wildlife grow in population back to pre colonial times and so does the Māori people. They bring back old ways of life and traditions along with more high tech gadgets (because canonically New Zealand in tf2 was made of extremely smart people).

And now onto the Sniper and Scout part of your question:

And then coming Sniper or I should rather say Mun-Dee Taumata.

He’s next in line and has only really ever known of being a Royal and living like the way he does, in a giant palace with guards always protecting him making him extremely sheltered and honestly very calm person.

He isn’t allowed to go out alone, but Mum-Dee finds his ways, always sneaking out to visit his kiwi, who’s named after the Māori goddess of loyalty Hinekepea, in his family’s Royal Aviary. She tries to protect him and gets angry whenever he comes back smelling like one of the ladies that Bill-Bel set him up with.

Oh, I should mention that the minute he turned 18; Bill-Bel was trying to get him wife so he could make an heir (no matter how many times Mun-Dee explained he was gay)

Then in the summer of 1972, out appears Mann Co. reps (All of RED Team + Miss Pauling and Mr. Bidwell) to try to make an agreement with the Aotearoa government on if they can used some of the Australium they own.

They didn’t know of the change of the government and when they arrived they were shocked to say the least. Scout especially.

The Māori people held a welcoming ceremony or a pōwhiri for the first ever manuhiri (visitors) to their home in 40 years with gifts, dance, music food, and of course, get a personal welcome from the Royal family. Mun-Dee had been extremely excited, and when he was about to do a hongi (which is we’re you touch noses together and do a handshake in welcome) with Scout, he slapped him.

It was a misunderstanding, Scout thought Mun-Dee was going to kiss him so he did some unnecessary self defense.

And that was the exact moment Mun-Dee got his first ever real crush on anyone.

And they eventually get together, Spy tries to blackmail Scout into marrying him quickly so that if Bill-Bel died mysteriously; Scout can be married to a king for political reasons. Scout just wanted Mun-Dee for who he was.

Scout meets Hinekapea and she almost kills him, more like jumped onto his back when he had been trying to make out with Mun-Dee. He leapt off and as soon as he was off of him, Hinekapea got onto Mub-Dee’s chest and made some angry sneezes at him. Mun-Dee had just thought it was cute and apologized to her for bringing Scout without warning.

Here’s a lil comic for when Hinekapea, after having a specialized kiwi home (like a catio almost) put in Mun-Dee’s room so he could always see her, treats Scout:

[sungrave]

I know he isn't but it looks like he is sucking his thumb in fear and i just CANT

[elias-magnussy]

I'm drunk abd tbis does Nit mean abthing byt can yiu pick me up. Plesse. I need you

jf

Where would you like to go, my sweetie pie?

[pennamepersona]

it's so funny that apollo has like, some kind of magical powers, bc he is otherwise the most Just A Guy character in this whole series

[dutybcrne]

I am a simple Allie: I see unhinged, I wanna put em with Taru or Kae

[securemoon]

Some old man named Steve today was like "is that the name on your birth certificate?" The fuck kinda question is that???? What a weird thing to ask someone.

[trashlie]

for some unholy reason tal bachman’s she’s so high in my head 

(there was no reason) 

i’m lying you FUCKING KNOW I’M LYING IT WAS STALKYOO i was howling at my friends being yknow. feral and going on a tangent and “she’s touch smell sight taste and soooouund” got in my head and it just went on loop because you know. brain jukebox

anyway the more it played in my head the more I realized just WHAT KIND OF EFFECT that song and radio head’s creep really had in making me love men being aBSOLUTELY FUCKING PATHETIC about the person they love just SO GODDAMN HOPELESS AND PATHETIC AND YEARNING AND PINING AND WHINING AND god

GOD

sometimes you just see exactly what shaped a specific part of you and it’s like oh. 

oh. yeah. that really did a number huh 

(fun fact: i used to have a siamese cat named Squeaky because he had one hell of a meow and my mom and I would play this radio station that was all 90s and 00s adult alternative and Squeaky would, I shit you not, sing along. It was class. I miss him, he was such a good boy) 

[redhotarsenic]

My brain’s finally letting me watch dubbed tristamp hell YEAHHHH

[irascible-iridescent]

Tbh I hate superheroes. For me it was always some American gimmick that they paraded around. Like they would say that some foreign media is cringey or embarrassing and then go and film billion movies with men in tights flying around. I can never like it tbh

UPD oh the lego batman was fun tho

[suguwu]

...bringing up nagi during sex with reo

[artfulstar]

Woah woah woah. Twitter is shutting down in Brasil? I'm thankful for your mental health but what?

Yep.

TLDR: Elon fired everyone in the Brazilian offices of twitter but legally Twitter can't continue existing in Brazil WITHOUT a legal representative. So now our Federal Supreme Court subpoened him to apoint a new representative or the website is getting shut down in the country

The long version with the context about the fight:

It all started when the supreme court started to shut down in the country profiles of brazilian people who had commited crimes using the website (an example is Monark, a dude who literally used his profile to say we should give n*zis and racists unlimited freedom of speech [he fled to the US to escape prison btw]).

Elon caught wind of this and decided to threaten our constitution and said that he would get the profiles back on because he wouldn't accept a government restricting "freedom of speech" on his platform. The supreme court issued a statement that if he did that, he would face a fee everyday for every account reactivated. It was money so he didn't do that (or maybe turns out he couldn't do it anyway and he was just lying for his lil fanboys).

This was all back at the start of the year but suddenly almost two weeks ago it was reported he fired every single employee in the offices of brazil, including the legal representative.

Then tonight, around two hours ago the official profile of STF replied and tagged elon with the doc of the subpoena because since they didn't have a legal representative, they couldn't do it in the proper way. The subpoena says that Elon has 24 hours to appoint a new guy for the job or the social is getting shut down in brazilian territory.

So we have 3 options for whats gonna happen in the next 24 hours:

Alexandre de Moraes (The guy who Elon started a one-sided beef with) backs down and doesnt shut down the website (highly unlikely)

Elon backs down and appoints a new guy so he doesnt lose the 4th biggest public of his site

Twitter gets shut down until Elon's manchild's ego gives in

thats all <3

Edit:

This was Elon's reply to the tweet. YES he is pathetic like that

Edit 2: it's currently 17:38 brasilia time of 30/08 and Twitter is bound to get disconnected soon, the order has been given by Moraes. People who use a VPN to access Twitter will get fined 50k reais (almost 9k dollars).

Yesterday a note was posted lying about Brazil being a dictatorship and saying that one of the people being censored is a 16yr old girl. The truth is that it's a grown ass man that use his daughters account to promote attacks on delegates, ministers, judges and other politicians. They also call orders to ban n*zi accounts "illegal orders" (WHICH ARE VERY LEGAL UNDER THE CONSTITUTION OF BRAZIL). They also say "we don't want every other country to have the freedom of speech laws the US has" meanwhile they've been trying to impose them in a sovereign state.

I would say what I want to say to Elon but unfortunately my mother taught me to keep those kinds of thoughts inside. Just know they're three letters <3

edit 3: twitter was officially unavailable on brazilian territory by the time it struck midnight of the 31st

Edit 4:

Translation: 🚨 NOW: Elon Musk is looking for executives to represent Twitter/X in Brazil, to negotiate the platform's RETURN in the country, reports Correio Braziliense.

he's going to do what cellbit said kkkmk he purposely let them suspend it, then after a few days he'll come out and be the savior of the brazilian people and say he only did it for us

Don't let elon fool you. He doesn't care and is probably only doing it because his investors are threatening him with money

[garoujo]

✩ ˛˚ . GOJO SATORU — sometimes your boyfriend’s want for you just seems to be insatiable.

ஜ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ warnings! f!reader, mating press, breeding, biting, he loses control of his technique a teeny tiny bit at the end, im going absolutely insane. ♡ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ note! hiii this is a lil mix of my gojo thoughts over the past few months, my sanity is slipping as u can tell <3

the way gojo satoru was in bed was exactly how he was in real life, absolutely merciless when he wanted to be, you realise with the dizzy haze in your mind and the pillow he’s shoved under your hips. there’s a pleasurable burn in your thighs where he’s got them folded into you, your ankles dangling by his ears as his hips press into your ass and the way he looks over you is needy, and a little wild.

but he only really got like this on on a few occasions, like after a gruelling mission, a boring mountain of paperwork or maybe you’d been teasing him. sometimes he’s just consumed by the idea of you carrying his kids— he’s so incredibly insatiable.

“you feel me right here, sweet thing, hm?” the snowy haired man above you hisses with a languid roll of his hips, deliberately pressing into the sweet spots inside of you that he always seems to be able to find so easily. but you can barely breathe, nevermind answer with how full you feel — your warm walls twitching around his heavy shaft before he’s giving you a few more thrusts.

“don’t hold out on me, it feels good, right?” gojo goads, chuckles when the next particularly deep kiss of his cock along your insides has your lips parting to moan, eyes squeezing shut as you wriggle underneath him.

“‘ts too deep, satoru! fuck—“ you manage, voice breaking under the weight of your own arousal but shit— he loves you like this. pliant and pretty and all his. you’re basically begging for him to give you his soul, to pour it into your body and your bones until you’re twitching— his stamina was limitless after all, an endless pool of energy.

“oh? but i’m sure you can take more..” gojo’s words are a low drawl as he curls over your folded figure, making your muscles scream for some sort of relief but he still manages to give you more. he begins a pace that’s so deep, so animalistic that you feel like you could black out with the way the pleasure rips through you, making your body clap against his as his balls smack loudly against your ass and suddenly he’s even deeper.

“see, i knew it.” it’s smug despite the the trembling undercurrent to his tone, breaking under the weight of his own arousal as his voice takes an octave higher. but you’re doing so well for him, your eyes are rolled back— lips parted and you’re basically begging for him to go harder when he leans into press his lips against yours, pushing his name between your lips as your hands grab at him for any sort of relief.

“almost there, right?” gojo groans against you with the next quiver of your walls; the next particularly heavy thrust makes your thighs tremble and he’s so deep it almost hurts, making something spark and burn along your inside as he fucks you into the mattress like a wild animal.

you whimper, barely— it’s a desperately pathetic little sound, wound up tight and it makes him pull away to look at you, crystalline eyes cloudy with lust before his lips are stretching into a smirk.

“oh, more?” gojo’s head cocks to the side and you know you’re done for when his pace picks up, every heavy thrust is driven by the muscles in his body and your pussy squelches loudly with every wet connection of his hips.

“oh, i’ll give you more, baby. so greedy f’ me, hm?” despite his teasing, he’s babbling— sweat beading along his skin as the snowy peaks of his hair frame his flushed features and fuck, the pretty sight above you only makes you feel even better. you’re so high off his desperation, every muscle in your body screams under his but the nerves in your body cry even louder with how good you feel— with how much your body craves him.

“‘ts so tight, you milkin’ me, sweet girl? how many you want, huh? give you as many as you need. wanna see you swollen f’ me, you want that, mhm?” gojo’s barely coherent but his words only make you squeeze around him tighter— a silent little invitation as every thrust has you crying more, more, more! satoru, want your cum—please! punched out little gasps and cries as he digs the orgasm out of you.

“oh, you’ll look so pretty f’ me—f-fuck!” his huge body is looming over yours, pressing you into the mattress and the pillows beneath you. your thighs are flush against his abdomen and chest, and your lungs feel like they quake on every exhale as your lips part to moan. he presses himself into you— face nuzzling into the crook of your neck as he grazes his teeth along the skin there, headboard screeching loudly in time with every smack of his hips.

“‘toru, please please please—‘m g’nna,” you tremble as you shake beneath gojo, thighs tensing tight against his body and he knows he’s got you exactly where he wants you as he smirks against your skin. your orgasm hits you so suddenly, so hard and good that your toes curl where they hang over his shoulders, your body stiffening beneath him and the first milking compression of your pussy makes his pace stutter, hugs him so tight he can’t help but bite so hard into the sensitive skin of your neck he draws blood.

“should see h-how pretty you look like this. tell me ‘ts all mine, y’ gonna make me a daddy, yeah? g’nna fill you up so good. oh, this pussy’s made f’ me, ain’t it?”

his body trembles as he pulls back slightly to watch your cream pool around the base of his cock, your slick smeared along his skin and your walls still throb with every unforgiving push of his hips. your orgasm feels like it stretches on forever as you gasp out broken yeah, yours, love you so much ‘toru, waves rolling through your body with the heat you feel pour and sting along your nerves. it only takes a few more clapping thrusts and your choked confessions before hes kissing you, just as he likes as his lips curl into you.

gojo cums hard, thick and heavy inside of you when he feels your tongue push against his, swallowing both of your groans into the kiss as he pushes his load into your puffy cunt. you’re both so lost in bliss, so unaware of the electricity across your boyfriends skin and the uncomfortable pressure that seems to suddenly weigh down on your intertwined bodies.

the bedroom light flickers but you don’t notice, he’s slurring curses against your lips as he almost pins your thighs to your chest completely, the air between you seems tighter— atoms trembling in the finate space. but he’s continuing to fuck into your sensitive pussy with tiny little thrusts you don’t notice the creek of your furniture as it twitches out of place— like it’s being pulled towards you both. the small flickers of purple fizzle out when you’re both spent and he’s collapsing on top of you with a low, breathy chuckle, making you whine with the cramp you feel in your body.

“‘toru! you’re heavy.” you grumble, voice worn and scratchy but it doesn’t move gojo as he cuddles deeper into you, leaving sweet little kisses along your skin with obnoxious kissy noises— a stark contrast to how filthy he was being a second ago.

you’re both breathing deep as you give up trying to escape from underneath him, opting to press your fingers through his damp hair instead before he finally moves. he pulls back, enough for his cock to push his cum out of your pussy as he does, squelching and dripping into the mattress beneath you both as you jolt slightly. “careful, ‘ts messy, ‘toru.”

gojo whistles lowly before he looks at you again, one of your legs still haphazardly thrown over his shoulder before he’s placing a sweet kiss to your ankle, then following it up with a painfully languid, experimental thrust as his crystalline eyes focus on the mess he’s made of you.

“come on, sweet girl. you’re not nearly full enough f’ me yet.”

© 2023 GAROUJO. please do not copy any of my layouts or writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.