#he's not closeted. he's not homophobic. he thinks having Any Positive Emotion not related to violence makes you vulnerable

[meyerlansky]

I have successfully boiled my problem with most of the izzy reads that i hate down to a sentence:

he's not sexually repressed, he's emotionally repressed.

[dowhatteverer]

For the character ask: James and Yang, please?

Alright! Sorry I advanced if I wrote some of these out of order.

James Ironwood:

Sexuality headcannon

Gay, Demi Romantic

Otp

Ironqrow, obviously

Brotp

Glynda!

Notp

I'mma be honest with you, I don't think that there is a James ship I don't like or at least I'm not curious about. Except for maybe shipping him with any of the teenage characters because large age gaps and underage x adult squick me the heck out. Problematic adult pairings like Jacques/James interest me from a storytelling perspective rather than a genuine want for them to be together, because believe me, James deserves so much better than him.

First headcannon that pops into my head

James has body issues and a mild case of body dysmorphia. This has a lot to do with feeling ostracized because of his prosthetics and how people will react to them, but also extends to normal middle aged man insecurities like worrying about his weight and his greying hair.

Favorite line from this character

"Well that's about all the pomp I have in me, *adjusts tie* now I have to get back to running this operation.*turns, and the turns back with a smile* Enjoy the Cake!" This moment is so awkward and genuine it lives in my head rent free.

One way in which I relate to this Character

I hardcore headcannon him as being Autistic, so a lot of this might be projecting, but it's the implication that he thinks about everything in a different way from most other characters in the show and what makes sense to him is somehow universally pushed against and rejected as a solution, but they also get mad at him for not doing the thing that they didn't want him to do. It almost feels like no one's really trying to make an effort to understand him and instead try to read into all of his behaviors as being malicious in nature. I think every autistic person has had this happen to them at least once in their lives.

Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment from this character.

His flirting with Glynda in the earlier seasons. The heteronormativity really made things awkward back then.

Cinnamon roll, or problematic fave?

Problematic fave for sure, even when he wasn't being a poorly thought out villain, he still made a lot of choices that actually had an effect on the story with positive and negative consequences. Which as we all know in RWBY, you are evil to do if you're not a main protagonist.

Yang!

Sexuality headcannon

Definitely bisexual

Otp

Freezer burn!

Brotp

I think Yang and Nora would be an unstoppable duo and should totally hang out more.

Notp

Get bumblby the hell away from me please. I mean, make it cannon for fucks sake, and then keep it the hell away from me.

First headcannon that pops in my head

She used to make Ruby breakfast in the morning but since she was still a young kid while trying to take care of her sister, a lot of her food items were not exactly healthy. Like putting chocolate milk and cookie crumbs in marshmallow cereal.

One thing I relate to about this character.

I wasn't abandoned by a parent or had one die on me, but I was raised by two people who had untreated mental health issues, my mom had a drinking problem and bipolar mood swings when I was young, while my dad was a closets bisexual man who was dealing with a divorce and being in contact with his catholic (and quite homophobic) family while not taking any antidepressants for his emotional issues. So Yang having two parental figures who still loved and cared about her, but whose mental health issues ended up affecting her later in life even though they were trying their best? That hits close too home.

Favorite line from this character

"but you are special, at least to me" I know this is from her first appearance in the first episode, but something about the genuine love for her little sister she showcases in those words alone just makes me think about all the things I love about Yang.

Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment from this character.

Her openly growling at shirtless boys while in the hall before the first day of school. It's just so awkward, even if it was set up for a joke about how Jaune isn't masculine enough (even though that in of itself sucks)

Cinnamon roll, or problematic fave?

Problematic fave for sure. Although I'm not sure I can really call her a fave after what the show did with her. It's just so hard to enjoy her now that they've made her main personality trait being angry and completely forgot that her anger was something she was supposed to be overcoming, Not wallowing in. And also absolutely nobody on team RWBY came out looking good after the Atlas arc. I don't care how many times the writers are going to rewrite the history of their show.

[northstarfan]

Alpha Flight #42 - (Bill Mantlo and David Ross, January 1987)

So we get two terrible bits of writing this time around, one in full bloom and one just seeded.

Let’s start with the immediate bullshit, Heather’s response to Northstar after he manages to shake off Kara’s conditioning again. 

So, as I’ve noted before, most of the early indications we have of Northstar’s sexuality are varying degrees of snark and homophobia from his teammates. And that’s a whole lot of not great. But this one is really beyond the pale. Northstar was kidnapped and sexually assaulted by the person they’re debating letting onto the team, and Heather completely dismisses it as a joke. Not only that, she does so even as she acknowledges that it would have been worse for Northstar because Kara was a woman - an indication that she knows that the assault would potentially be more traumatic for him as a gay man. And she just doesn’t care.

That’s not just “quit the team” territory, that’s “quit the team and put your leader’s head through the wall on the way out”. Scenes like this are one more reason why I maintain that anyone who gives Northstar shit about his attitude toward Alpha Flight has never actually read Alpha Flight.

Then there’s the more infamous element - the cough that marks the start of the aborted storyline that was supposed to culminate in Northstar dying of AIDS. For the sake of redundancy, I’m not going to cover every panel that had Northstar sniffle, cough, and stagger his way to Alpha Flight #50, but since this is the issue where it first rears its head, I am going to give a general overview.

So this goes all the way back to Bill Mantlo taking over the title. Mantlo, who was on The Incredible Hulk at the time, was enthusiastic about taking over the book when John Byrne offered to swap titles. As Mantlo told Amazing Heroes: “I was bowled over [when Byrne called], because this was John’s creation and I’ve had nothing but admiration for the way he’s been handling it. So I said ‘My God, yes!’ And that’s how we decided to switch.” (Amazing Heroes #76, 1985). This enthusiasm also seemed to include a plan to out Northstar. As John Byrne put it in that same interview: “[Bill] is going to try and say the unsayable about Northstar in no uncertain terms; I wish him luck.” 

Outside of that particular point, however, Mantlo seemed to have little interest in the Beaubier twins and had no real direction for them outside of Aurora’s fluctuating powers. From AH #76: 

“So far the least interesting to me are Aurora and Northstar. John played them up the most, and really went heavily into their origins, but he made so many changes to them that it’s almost impossible for me to say what the norm is any more. I’m just giving them a chance to relax and recuperate while I concentrate on the others.” 

Ultimately, Mantlo’s plans to out Northstar were blocked by editorial, and he found writing Jean-Paul under the same limitations Byrne had dealt with to be quite frustrating:

“I always felt Northstar had possibilities if his background could be developed as a logical extension of his character. But I was prevented from doing that because of creative restrictions. Therefore, I had to look at the character as a viable superhero with the reality of his gayness kept largely in the dark. And as a character, his flying and running fast just didn’t make him and integral part of the team without his uniqueness - being gay.” (The Advocate #479, 1987)

 This lead to Mantlo’s decision to reveal Northstar as HIV+ and kill him off. From the same interview: 

“Northstar… could have been made to just vanish or even quit the team, but Mantlo wanted to be true to the character’s integrity. He decided, instead, that Northstar would die of AIDS. It seemed, [Mantlo] says, plausible given the fact that there had been allusions to numerous relationships during his years in the book. ‘It would give me the opportunity to deal with a frightening, sad, controversial topic in a comic book - which I had always understood Marvel was all about,’ he adds.”

Alpha Flight’s editor, Carl Potts, was not on board with this. From the same interview with The Advocate: “We had never openly declared that Northstar was gay. Now we had the only fairly popular Marvel character generally acknowledged as being gay and he was dying of AIDS. You shouldn’t equate one with the other.”

The two came to a compromise on the storyline, wherein Alpha Flight’s foe, Pestilence, would sicken Northstar by quickening the “corruption” in his body, with the disease remaining unnamed and the intent being that Northstar would never realize he had contracted HIV, even as his illness progressed.

Said Mantlo: “It was really AIDS in another guise, and there were still complaints about it being too similar.”

The storyline was ultimately resolved by Mantlo having Loki tell the Beaubier twins that their respective ailments (Jean-Paul’s wasting disease and Jeanne-Marie’s increasing mental instability) were the result of them being half-elves unsuited to life in the mortal realm. Jeanne-Marie used her powers to heal her brother, Jean-Paul got sent off to Asgard to live with the elves, and both were written out of the series for about two years worth of issues. (The twins were eventually brought back by other writers via the expedient explanation of Loki being a lying liar who lies.)

Mantlo was displeased with the compromised ending:

“It’s really a fallback position, since we were precluded from doing anything else… Quite honestly, I think it’s hypocritical and pointless, but that’s comics. You can’t do anything controversial, even if it has integrity, even if it’s honest, even if it’s an attempt to deal with a serious issue affecting thousands of people and likely to affect millions more.” (The Advocate #479, 1987)

Though there were apparently plans to revisit the twins at some point, Mantlo left Alpha Flight before this came about.

So, there’s a bit to unpack here, the biggest point being Mantlo’s reasoning behind trying to kill Northstar off. This was a writer who was plainly frustrated by the limitations being imposed on him, but, at the same time, he also sounds very much like he’d limited himself by reducing Northstar’s character to the sum of his sexuality. Aside from a brief aside in Marvel Fanfare #28, it seemed Northstar’s jam-packed past of childhood trauma, circus life, professional disgrace, and political terrorism held no interest for Mantlo as something that could be used to open the character to wider exploration, nor did even his own ideas for Northstar and Aurora’s otherworldly origins. No, if Northstar couldn’t be outed, he had to die. And if he couldn’t die, he still had to leave the book.

I’ve said before that I admire Mantlo’s integrity in not dropping the subtext related to Northstar’s sexuality, and I hold to that. As a writer, he could have saved himself a massive headache by simply making Northstar straight or immediately dropping him from the roster. So I do believe that Mantlo was in some part sincere in his desire to do something authentic and emotional with his planned storyline for Northstar; he’d stated that Jean-Paul’s sexuality was a unique quality in the comics landscape and seemed to want to make that an open part of the book by whatever means he could. There’s even a case to be made that, for better or for worse, linking Northstar to AIDS and the scrutiny that storyline brought made it that much more difficult to downplay the queer subtext surrounding the character, in turn making it easier for a later writer to make a case for making his homosexuality canon.

However, I have a real hard time scraping up much patience for a straight writer who decided that portraying a semi-closeted character was just too hard, when that very life experience would have been authentic to any number of queer readers, particularly in the middle of the AIDS crisis. I’ve even less patience with the apparent conclusion that the way to remedy that frustration was to kill Northstar instead of finding more subtle ways to advance the character, as Byrne had managed, or even just having him leave the team. The notion that it would have been out of character for Northstar to leave Alpha Flight is absolutely absurd; this is a character who only ever stayed with the team for the sake of his sister. All that would have been required for Jean-Paul to plausibly leave would have been for the writer to stop torturing Jeanne-Marie for an issue or two, or to have her take a bad enough turn that he took her off the team for her own safety and that of others.

Finally, I can’t say I have much faith that Mantlo would have been able to execute his plotline at all well, particularly given how little sympathy he seems to have had for Northstar as a character or how little interest he had in him beyond the controversy of his sexuality. Whatever Mantlo’s intent, it’s hard to believe that we’d have gotten any deathbed emotion that rang true to Northstar as a character or was particularly honest as commentary on society’s treatment of AIDS victims from the same writer who had Northstar’s teammates blow off sexual assault as delivery for a truly nasty homophobic joke and who thought a gay character possibly having had two romantic relationships in his life (I’m assuming this was in reference to Raymonde and Maurice) made him so promiscuous that it was plausible he’d have AIDS. And on top of that, regardless of other motivation, the decision to get rid of Northstar seems to have come as much from Mantlo’s frustration with his editors as any desire for meaningful character development. 

In conclusion, for whatever good I might be able to say about Mantlo, I’m not the least bit sorry that his plans were derailed. He seems to have been, at best, a writer with better intentions than capability when it came to the sensitive subject matter he’d decided to tackle, and it seems for the best that other writers were able to give Northstar the development he couldn’t.

Next Time: The Man You Were

Previous installments of the series can be found here and at AO3.

[myopinionhi]

Solangelo as LGBTQ Rep and Possible Issues

I do not represent the LGBT community because I’m sure a variety of LGBT fans would have various reactions to Solangelo. As a shy, bisexual person myself, I’ll speak only for myself.

I’ve noticed some people praising Solangelo for being positive LGBTQ rep and then others thinking it doesn’t deserve the praise. I can see both sides. 

I think Solangelo overall is positive LGBTQ representation. It’s not perfect. I’m glad Rick made Nico gay. However, Solangelo has one huge problem. It actually kind of suffers from a sort of harmful gay trope. The trope isn’t nearly harmful enough to take away Solangelo’s positive representation, but it’s there. I’ll elaborate more on it at the end of this essay.

Here are things I’m mostly not bothered with that others are regarding Nico and Will’s LGBT rep. 

1. Nico being outed by cupid. The infamous Cupid scene made me uncomfortable, and seeing Nico forced out of the closet hit too close to home. I could relate to a young teen struggling to accept the truth about himself. Some LGBTQ characters in media appear in an amazing LGBTQ utopia that pretends LGBTQ individuals don’t have issues with self-acceptance. Heroes of Olympus doesn’t sugarcoat Nico’s issues, because the struggle can be real for some LGBTQ individuals. Yes, Nico was forced out the closet. But he was mainly forced out of the closet to himself. It was supposed to be some sort of emotional release and self-awakening. If he stays in denial, more harm than good will come out of it. What Cupid did was cruel and was supposed to be cruel. I’d have an issue with the scene if Nico was forced out of the closet in front of a group of people, but since he was only forced out in front of Jason and then Jason respectfully keeps Nico’s secret and supports him, I actually don’t have an issue with it.

2. Nico and Will constantly argue. Nico and Will argue since Blood of Olympus. Will is aggressive with Nico. I’ve mentioned this before in a previous essay; Will has to be aggressive because Nico is on the verge of death. Nico is about to disappear into the shadows and hasn’t properly taken care of himself in a long time. After not seeing Nico in months, Will must have been devastated seeing the state of Nico’s health and seeing Nico being so stubborn and anti-social about it. Will’s anger is justified, and Nico needs that push to start being healthy after so long. Nico’s anti-social and self-depreciation also probably frustrated Will. Nico thought no one wanted to be his friend and is going to leave Camp, so Will has to be assertive to convince Nico he is wanted. 

Nico and Will’ s bickering in Lost Oracle is more affectionate bickering. They have very different personalities, so they’re going to disagree and let it be known. They have more harmless and playful disagreements. It’s actually more cute, if anything. 

The only real issue I have with their arguments is in Blood of Olympus when Will snaps at Nico by claiming “Nobody at Camp Half-Blood ever pushed you away.” and “You pushed yourself away. If you’d get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once...”  The harmful implication of this statement is the dismissal of Nico’s real experiences of rejection and that if he’d just stop brooding he’d be happy. The implications are....unfortunate. Don’t get me wrong. Will likely lost his patience with Nico’s stubbornness after hearing Nico say he’s leaving Camp, likely never coming back. I understand Will’s devastation, especially since he wants to be Nico’s friend and knows others who do too.

 The statement isn’t problematic because Will simply said it. It’s a human to say hurtful things. Will is an exhausted teen who’s on the verge of losing Nico. The real problem is the book doesn’t acknowledge Will’s statement as harmful. Will doesn’t apologize or acknowledge how he was wrong. Will says it and then Nico suddenly agrees to stay at Camp, implying Nico’s isolation was brought completely on himself. Hypothetically, if Will acknowledges his mistakes later, like in Tower of Nero, then this unfortunate line is more forgivable. 

3. Nico has barely accepted himself. He’s not ready for a boyfriend. I’d accept this argument if Will and Nico started dating at the end of Blood of Olympus. Fortunately, they don’t. Nico doesn’t even acknowledge having feelings for Will to himself. It’s only implied. I find the many fanfictions having Will and Nico dating after Nico stays at the infirmary for three days unrealistic and rushed. But not this. Will and Nico aren’t a confirmed couple until Hidden Oracle, which happens months after Blood of Olympus. If Nico gets emotional healing and bonds with Will for months, it’s not unreasonable for them to be dating. Even their official relationship in Hidden Oracle seems pretty casual and low stress.

4. Will has Nico on a short leash. No Will doesn’t. After Blood of Olympus, when Will tries to save Nico’s life, Will isn’t controlling. He may tell Nico to be nicer or would bicker, but nothing  too overbearing. Will teases Nico for not calling him his boyfriend and doesn’t get angry when Nico shadow-travels in Hidden Oracle. Nico seems to want to be around Will on his own accord. He enjoys being around Will, hence the doctor’s note. 

5. Will “fixed” Nico and/or Nico became too dependent on Will. No, the reason Nico is happier in Hidden Oracle is because he has learned to accept himself and he has family and friends supporting him. Some of the most important loved ones for Nico include Hazel, Reyna, Jason, and the rest of the Seven. Blood of Olympus gives more focus and development to Reyna and Nico’s relationship than Nico and Will’s relationship. Will is the straw that broke the camels back, but it’s the accumulation of impactful events and support that gets Nico to happiness. Will helped, especially with Nico’s physical health. When Nico decides to stay at Camp Half-Blood, it’s likely he sees his home in Camp Half-Blood than Camp Jupiter. Bianca trusted Camp Half-Blood to take care of Nico. Nico and Will’s relationship did grow after Blood of Olympus, and Will’s support helps Nico, but there’s no indication of Will be Nico’s “fixer”. He’s just Nico’s friend and boyfriend.

Here’s an interesting argument I’ve been pondering.

Will can’t be both Nico’s doctor and his boyfriend. This argument interests me because if Will had a crush on Nico during Blood of Olympus, he maybe shouldn’t treat Nico as a patient. I’ve seen too many creepy fanfictions of Will using his authority as Nico’s doctor to get closer to Nico. However, Will likely is also the one who knows what’s best for Nico’s health. He’s a better healer even than Apollo. He may also be the only one who knows how save Nico from fading into the shadows in Blood of Olympus since Nico’s powers are unusual. Will’s emotional investment in Nico interferes with objectivity. Then again, Will may be emotionally invested with many people in Camp-Halfblood as well, and Will is the one with the best healing. Will’s doctor’s note for Nico to sit at the Apollo table does touch upon Will’s professional conflict of interest with Nico. It’s possible Will can keep it completely professional as Nico’s doctor since he’s a natural-born healer, but it’s relying on the good-faith of a teenager. 

It seems unfair to deprive Nico of the best medical care because Will is his boyfriend. Especially during the winter, it’s possible Kayla’s and Austin’s healing abilities are very inferior to Will’s. At the same time though, there’s conflicts of interest when Will has Nico as his patient. 

Here’s one issue I have in regards to Nico’s crush on Percy.

We don’t know how Nico gets over his crush on Percy. We’re never shown Nico’s POV until Blood of Olympus, so it’s very possible Nico goes through some self-realization after the Cupid scene. I find Nico’s dropped crush on Percy disappointing. I would have liked to see Nico admit there’s still some lingering, painful feelings towards Percy for a little while during Blood of Olympus. It would have been interesting seeing Nico accept the heartbreak and move on. Percy was Nico’s first love and someone who Nico invested in for years. House of Hades seems to imply there is still some lingering feelings, but then it’s dropped in Blood of Olympus, and Nico says to Percy “you’re not my type.” It’s lazy writing. It’s like Rick made Nico gay for Percy for that gay angst but then didn’t feel like following through. Nico’s crush on Percy affected Nico for years. How is it dropped within two books?!

The main issue I have with Solangelo

Their romance and relationship is hidden. Okay, if Will didn’t call Nico his boyfriend and Apollo didn’t gush over their relationship in Hidden Oracle, we wouldn’t know they’re in a romantic relationship. All their actions are completely platonic. I get that Nico’s probably not into PDA. I get romantic pet names may be too embarrassing for Nico. I get they may not want to flaunt their relationship. I get they may not want to hold hands. I get they’d want to keep their relationship private. I get they’re young. I get Nico doesn’t like being touched. I get Trials of Apollo is only from Apollo’s POV. That’s not the issue. 

What actions do they have that imply they’re boyfriends instead of friends? The most affectionate they’ve gotten is Nico resting his hand on Will’s shoulder, Will casually leaning on Nico before the three-legged race, or Nico grabbing Will’s hand once to shadow-travel to the chariot. There’s not really any tiny romantic actions. There’s no clear romantic flirting, loving gazes, hand squeezes, hugs, legs touching, footsies, kisses on the head, or hugs. Only a couple of these small romantic actions are all that’s necessary. Nico and Will don’t have to go as far as kissing and cuddling. The relationship gets brownie points for using the label "boyfriend”, but then homophobes don’t have to be squeamish about two guys getting even a tiny bit of romantic affection. It’s too easy to censor the explicit gayness of their relationship because there’s not much to possibly censor. 

Their absent romantic affection is only half of it though. Another major problem is Solangelo is only in two books. Even when they’re in those two books, their relationship doesn’t get a lot of scenes. In Blood of Olympus, Will and Nico work together and bicker during the battle against Gaia. It’s heartwarming, but they don’t even meet up until more than halfway into the book. In Hidden Oracle, Nico and Will are only in a handful of scenes, and many of these moments are brief. When Will and Nico are shown, they have chemistry. They clearly care and support each other. But this groundbreaking relationship of theirs doesn’t have much. Will is the son of Apollo, and, not including Tower of Nero for now, only appears in Hidden Oracle during Trials of Apollo. Why does Will Solace only appear in 1 (2 including Tower of Nero) books in Trials of Apollo even though his dad is the main character? We don’t know. He could be strong LGBTQ rep with a boyfriend, but....nope. 

The same-sex ships get tiny crumbs, and then you’ve got all these straight ships shown and developed in more than two or three books. I’m worried Solangelo is falling under the “But Not Too Gay” trope, where an author wants a gay couple for representation credit, but then won’t give them the same appreciation as straight couples.  

Don’t get me wrong. I’d much rather have Nico be gay, and I’d much rather have Solangelo be a couple. I think their relationship is wholesome, and what’s shown of them has positive representation. I don’t find Nico’s LGBTQ representation too problematic. It’s just sort of....missing something important that could make it really positive. For what it’s worth, I appreciate the Solangelo crumbs, and it meant a lot to me growing up. 

[bnha-headcanon-central]

ochaminatsuyu

this ship doesn't get much recognition, so i'm here to mcfucking scream about it because it's so good so strap in kida this is gonna be a longer one

- mina literally is addicted to physical affection. she'll combust if she's not holding someone's hand/sitting/laying on someone/cuddling someone/touching someone. tsuyu and ochako know this. often, one or both of them will find mina literally attached to them at the hip, like clinging to their arm or just bumping their shoulders

- tsuyu is the only one who willingly wakes up at 6 on weekends and mina and ochako literally despise it. like, how dare she be more funtioning than them. the only good thing about it is that, since tsuyu is also a pretty good cook, she likes to make them breakfast. they usually thank her with kisses and tired hugs because "it's only 8 tsu, why are we awake" and they kinda lay all over each other while tsuyu serves them breakfast. sometimes they doze back to sleep and tsuyu just lets them because they're both adorable and they aren't early risers like her, so she'll just pack up the breakfast next to the microwave for later

- ochako accidentally floats mina and tsuyu all the time. like she'll just be holding one of their hands (or both who knows) and she'll get super excited and squeeze a bit too hard, and all her fingerpads are pressed against their hand and suddenly, oops, her girlfriend(s) are floating. mina absolutely loves it and likes being able to be pushed around while floating. tsuyu finds it a bit odd but also adorable because of how embarassed ochako gets every single time (it's a beautiful display of hands waving in front of her, blush redder than a tomato, broken sentences that don't quite make sense even though tsu knows what they mean, and ochako trying to get them close enough to the ground to release her quirk)

- mina and ochako play smash together. ochako mains kirby (obv) and mina mains either inkling or jigglypuff (as someone who doesn't pay smash a lot this was my best guess) and they're about equal in skills. they always play when the bakusquad/dekusquad are, and usually destroy the guys. tsuyu doesn't often play, but when she does, she decimates and it's terrifying, like how does she do that? no one's really sure but they do know that when she picks up a controller they're all screwed

- tsuyu likes to go to the creek or the lake/river and just kinda interact with the animals there. like sure she does enjoy swimming and such but it can be fun to go to just watch the frogs jump around and the turtles slowly make their way around. she loves to go to these kinds of places to pick up trash, too, and does community service that involves nature a lot. she does it so often that mina and ochako do it a lot, too, because they want to support her and her interests, but it's also bonus points because they get to watch cute animals! and clean up the environment! while spending time with their gf!

- ochako is suuuuper broke, and tsuyu and mina like to buy her mochi and sweets because they know she probably can't afford it herself. she always gets emotional like "what did i do to deserve such lovely girlfriends??? you two are blessings i don't know how else to describe you absolute goddesses" and it usually ends with ochako peppering them in kisses while trying to stuff her face with mochi

- mina loves to breakdance, and tsuyu is amazing at it after numerous lessons, but ochako can never seem to get it quite right. like mina and tsuyu are really good at it and can dance circles around each other but ochako can have two left feet sometimes so she opts to watch rather than join when they get to Advanced Stuff. tsuyu and mina like to dance together a lot and will sometimes just start dancing at each other when they're alone. like it's a whole Thing. ochako will never understand why they do that just that it's adorable and she has one too many recording of the encounters

- ochako is in love with space!!! everything space she's just so enamoured with it and she'll just casually mention some obscure fact about pluto or a constellation or black holes to whoever will listen. she has so much knowledge about everything Space that mina says she rivals jaxa (japan's nasa). tsuyu likes to ask trivial questions about something in space just to hear ochako go on a tangent for like three hours about this and that and how a lot of info about it is wrong, and it's so cute tsuyu melts every time

- mina steals their clothes. she's a clothes theif gf. ochako looks in her closet and finds her jaxa sweatshirt missing. tsuyu hasn't seen her favorite skirt in weeks. neither of them know exactly where any of their shirts are other than maybe the laundry? and mina is just in her room hoarding her gfs' clothes and revelling in how much comfier stolen clothes are

- on that note, mina won't do her fucking laundry either, so eventually tsuyu goes to her closet only to find one clean shirt left and she has to confront mina about it, and what she finds is the largest pile of dirty laundry she had ever seen in her life, consisting of both her and ochako's clothes, with some of mina's sprinkled in. mina will never admit to stealing the clothes even though both ochako and tsuyu know for sure that it's her

- tsuyu isn't super big on initiating contact but never shies away from it. she actually welcomes mina slipping her arms around her waist, or ochako suddenly holding her hand, or mina laying across her lap, or ochako tucking her hair behind her ear. it's so routine and it gives her butterflies sometimes so she just lets her gfs do whatever they want, which is usually hugs and cuddles

- they spar with each other sometimes, because being a hero means keeping up a basic workout routine. ochako likes to say her muscles are so that her hugs are That Much Stronger, mina says it's so she can beat the shit out of homophobes and transphobes, and tsuyu just states that she wants to be a stronger hero. but anyways if you think these girls would be desensitized to each other in work out clothes you're Dead Wrong. i hc tsuyu as ace so she's not really flustered or attracted like that, but mina and ochako are both utter disasters who need to dunk their heads in buckets of ice water to cool down because their gfs are super hot wtf

- ochako has done everything in her power to tame mina's hair. it's just Never Going To Happen. hairspray, clips, bands, headbands, sweatbands, gel, mousse, nothing works, her hair is like a life of it's own. tsuyu's is so much easier because it's straight but it's also extremely thick and difficult to brush, and it also takes like ten years to wash bc of how long it is. ochako prides herself with being the only one in their relationship with "normal hair" but then mina points out that it defies gravity and ochako just. stops talking about it.

- mina is an energy drink girl, ochako is a hot cocoa girl, tsuyu is a tea girl, and mina is the only one of them that likes coffee

- tsuyu has big hands to hold her gfs' hands. that's it that's the bullet point

- mina has, and will probably again, accidentally burnt through a sweatshirt or shirt's sleeves because she was angry and acid just kinda exploded from her arms. she always feels kinda bad about it, especially if it wasn't hers, but tsuyu and ochako are always quick to assure her that it's okay and she didn't mean it, she just has to work on controlling her quirk a bit more, everybody makes mistakes. it makes her feel better every time

- mina loves to fall asleep sandwiched between the two of them, but so does ochako, but so does tsuyu, so they take turns being on the outsides of the cuddle line when they sleep together

- ochako has undeniable bisexual polyam energy by going to her gfs and being like "i saw this really cute boy and i know you two are lesbians but jesus he was cute" and both tsuyu and mina kinda nod along like "can't relate but cool" but as soon as she brings up a cute girl mina and tsuyu go "oh yeah THAT we get she's cute as fuck" and they all gush about their celebrity and hero crushes (spoiler alert: literally all three of them have a crush on miruko)

- tsuyu, as we all know, goes into hypernation when she gets too cold, so during winter mina makes it her personal goal to wrap tsu in as many blankets as she can while still letting her be mobile. ochako likes to make her tea and mina does too but she always messes it up somehow so she leaves that to ocha. tsuyu appreciates it all, she really does, but she'd also appreciate not actually burning to death in the middle of the dorms

- ochako goes to mina and tsuyu whenever she gets dysphoric (bc i hc her as trans) and they always litter her in kisses and hugs and cuddles and positive reinforcements about how beautiful she is and that she's their amazing girlfriend and she cries almost every time because her gfs are just so good to her, she got so lucky

- mina once got her fingers stuck in a finger trap and spent three hours wailing at her gfs to free her (all they did was giggle at her and refuse until she got desperate and started screaming so much bakugou came over, also screaming, and just fuckin ripped the trap. he freed her but at what cost)

- tsuyu is very blunt, which makes her a very good comunicator. it can also lead to wild conversations and situations. she once told mina that her outfit was a bit too much and the conversation somehow ended with mina loudly complaining about how feathers in fashion should be shot down with bazookas. tsuyu had no idea how it happened but it did and she decided to leave it at that

- mina is very expressive and isn't afraid to blatantly say "i love you" to her gfs. tsuyu isn't as expressive but will definitely tell them she loves them when she feels the need. ochako is all physical because god help her she can't fucking say it. she loves them with all her heart but every time she tries to say it her throat clogs up and her face goes red and she just can't, so she's shows her love through phycial affection

- mina was the one to ask ochako out at first, but at the time ochako also had a crush on tsuyu, so she felt kinda dishonest being with mina even though she liked her, too, so she told mina and mina went "hell yeah me too she's so great right? lets ask her out" and ochako was like "wtf???? whAt THe fUcK???? you can just DO that???" so mina went "yeah why not?" so they asked tsuyu out and tsuyu went "sure i like you both why not kero" and here they are, happily together

- tsuyu has to constantly remind mina to go to bed before 3 am because they have school in the morning and mina is going to hate herself if she doesn't sleep

- tsuyu has to constantly remind ochako to eat something other than snacks and mochi because it's unhealthy and tsuyu would be more than happy to cook something for her, just stop eating only doritos for two days

- tsuyu is the exhausted responsible gf because holy shit her gfs are Absolute Disasters how did either of them survive to high school

- mina likes when she knows more than tsuyu on a topic so she can finally feel a little smarter than her intelligent gf, at least in this certain category, and tsuyu loves when she gets excited (read: all the time) so she patiently listens to mina go on about whatever it is she researched at 1 am last night because she was deep web surfing

- ochako will throw hands even if she doesn't seem like it. she's ready at almost all times to fucking fight if given an invitation. she revelles in people underestimating her because she loves to kick their ass and watch their faces as they realize they made a mistake prevoking her. mina always cheers her on like a personal cheerleader and tsuyu gently advices against it while secretly cheering her on

- tsuyu gets sick very easily. when it happens, ochako and mina become her personal servents. they cook for her, carry her everywhere, bundle her in a multitude of blankets, they even change the TV channel for her. it gets exhausting sometimes but she knows they do it out of love for her and that always makes her feel happy. though they never do sleep with her in fear of catching whatever she has at the time so she's technically under quarentine (even though they do everything for her, they definitely wear medical masks and rubber gloves, only partly joking)

- mina likes to squish the pink circles on ochako's fingerpads and quietly say "toe beans"

- tsuyu lets mina paint her nails and put makeup on her, but usually only for special events

- ochako absolutely adores when tsuyu says "kero" because holy shit??? that's just super cute and no one can tell her otherwise

- mina will sometimes gush to the bakusquad about how much she loves her gfs because she can never talk about them enough (kaminari always bemoans being single, kirishima listens and nods along out of wlw/mlm solidarity, sero doesn't pay too much attention but still hums occasionally, and bakugou pretends not to care but is secretly happy that mina is so in love and happy)

- tsuyu compliments ochako and mina daily. on their outfits, their hair, their makeup, a funny joke they made, a math probalem they got right, just whatever sparks the butterflies that day. she's always so genuine about it that mina and ochako both lose their minds because it's so much

- ochako has at least once made mina or tsuyu do the spiderman kiss with her using her quirk

- WAIT TSUYU CAN JUST STICK TO THE CEILING

- so tsuyu does the spiderman kiss with them by sticking to the ceiling and ochako uses her quirk on mina to do the spiderman kiss send tweet

that's it that's all i have for right now but just know i love this relationship and lot and intend to do more, just maybe later because it's like almost 1 am and that's late for me so enjoy this sleep-hazed keyboard smash of gay

[newbi-ginning]

The day I came out to Her

Gather round for a heartwarming tale about the day I came out to my wife that I was a bisexual man.

Seriously. It’s sweet. I wish more people were as lucky as I am.

Background...  a few months ago, we had been talking about threesomes, and that working from my desire for her to be comfortable with her needs, I said it was ok with me if she wanted to try sex with another woman, without me present, or with me in another room, available for emotional support. I didn’t want her to be under any pressure to perform for me. I was also ok if we wanted to try an MMF threesome, as straight MMF play was something she had described to me in one of her fantasies.

You see... I had assumed, incorrectly, that she was bi-curious or bi-flexible based on some things she had said. And while she could absolutely understand where I misunderstood her, she said she didn’t have any desire to go down on another woman, any more than I had a desire to go down on any man. (Oh, how surprised I would be on that account!) She also wasn’t very comfortable with threesomes, but would think about it. She wasn’t saying no, just not yet.

We talked a bit more, mostly on the Kinsey scale, and while it isn’t perfect, it was good for our discussion. We both agreed that we were 0.5s. Put the right dick (for me) or pussy (for her) in front of us, and importantly, the right person attached to those parts, and either of us could probably go for it, if we had permission from the other. I wasn’t going to push it. If she didn’t have any interest, that was that. Unless consent was enthusiastic, we would stay right where we were.

I told her that I appreciated her honesty, and that I wasn’t hurt that the kind of MFF threesome I had fantasized about was not in our future, and reassured her that my wanting something was a lot different from needing something that she couldn’t give. I also said that it meant a lot that she hadn’t reacted negatively to my being on the edge of bisexuality, as it was much more socially acceptable to be a bi woman than a bi man. Of course, that itself was a mixed bag, due to the fetishization of bi women in the media. She didn’t care what was socially acceptable, though. 

If our interests were swapped, bros would absolutely be trying to give me high fives and propositioning her or us for sex. Not as likely for what our future will hold now, but that is not acceptable either way.

Fast forward several months... I was watching Netflix’s GLOW, which is campy as hell, fun, but has a lot of sucker punches for those of us who lived through the 80s... and still see the holes left by those that didn’t survive. 

***Spoilers for 3rd season of GLOW, which you honestly should have watched already, and for 1st and 2nd seasons, too, I suppose.***

There is this scene towards the end of the third season where Rhonda (stage name Britannica) tries to reignite the flame of her very convenient and very recent marriage to Bash (the producer of the women’s wrestling show), not through communication, but games and deception. She hires another wrestler’s boyfriend (also a gigolo/sex worker) to just be in their room to play the part of a hotel plumber, who is so very good with his hands, chatting and flirting when Bash comes back at the end of the day, which she expects to make him jealous enough to stop sexually neglecting her. 

We know that Bash is pursued by men and women alike, that he has some homophobic responses to some of those men, and that his butler/best friend Florian has died from AIDS related pneumonia, so what happens next is not completely unexpected. How it progresses was. 

Bash seems nonplussed (that glorious word that means both annoyed and not annoyed at the same time) by this, and suggests that Paul the Plumber kiss his wife, touch her, caress her. I liked how this was going, and really hoped it wasn’t going towards cuckoldry roleplay, as GLOW does tend to drop current buzzword topics into scripts, but I just don’t like that dynamic. No shade on those that do. Rhonda seems to melt at finally getting the affection she has been needing, despite being unsure where this is going.

The bedroom is where this is going, at Bash’s suggestion, where Bash and Paul make a Rhonda sandwhich. Both men kiss Rhonda... then each other... and then put their hands down each others very 80s underwear. Rhonda is a little confused, but she rolls with it as the scene ends.

Except, it wasn’t weird. Just surprising. 

Moment of clarity.

I wanted Rhonda and/or Paul. 

The story continues, and takes a very 80s turn, because this side of Bash scares him. He doesn’t want to die like Florian did. We don’t know if Bash is bi or gay at this point, and I’m not certain that Bash knows. I hope he develops as bi, and that he and Rhonda can have a good relationship, especially as the 80s progress and people better understand how to safely be themselves.

***Spoilers over***

The entire scene showed me something. I was bi. Like I said, moment of clarity. Couldn’t argue with that. A lot of stuff made sense.

I spent the next two weeks grappling with this (and my erection), read some, watched a couple youtube clips on what being bi meant, and watching a lot of bisexual male porn. Which I really liked. A lot. I fantasized about a lot of man on man fun, and how much fun it would be to share a man with Her. I read up on safer same sex. 

And about a week ago, when She asked how my day had been, and mischievously asked if I wanted to share anything sexy with her. I decided that this was as good of an opening as I would have, and I didn’t want to hide this from her any longer than I needed to. It hadn’t gone away like previous urges had. It was fully formed and it was real.

So I said, “Maybe. Can we do facetime?”

Yeah. Facetime. 

Maybe I hadn’t mentioned that I’m putting the finishing touches on our house before we sell it, and She is living in another city, since Her job there has already started? This might seem a bit fucked up, dropping a bomb like this on video chat instead of face to face, but I believed in us.

I told her that I had seen a really hot porn scene (the Glow connection had slipped my mind at this point), and followed it down a bit of a rabbit hole, and that this did not change anything about my commitment to her, but the scene included two guys fooling around. And I had realized that I was bisexual. 

I hadn’t done anything, but that didn’t matter. Bisexuality is about attraction and desire, not actions. A gay person can be a virgin, and if I never have sex with another guy, I’m still bisexual. 

She said that was fine. She loved me, and this didn’t change that. We were strong, and that she accepted me unconditionally

Yeah. She really is that wonderful. I had expected that result, but after about an hour of discussion, not instantly.

I continued to say that watching a guy suck another guy’s dick was really hot, and - 

She interjected, “Well, yeah! Of course it is!”

I knew that there were a couple bi MMF scenes she had talked about being really sexy in various shows she had watched, Sense8 was one, and that she occasionally watched gay porn, and liked it. I just didn’t realize that she thought gay porn could be as hot as I thought lesbian porn could be (and yes, we both realize how problematic it is to consume porn that reduces wlw to entertainment for men, or mlm for women).

Checking to make sure that I hadn’t lost my teeth, I continued. 

I wanted to try giving oral to another man, but not without her permission, as safely as possible, and preferably with her present for emotional support and/or even to join in to whatever extent she was comfortable with. 

She said that she definitely wanted to talk more about it, and that this conversation needed to be truly face to face, but that she would support me, and wanted me to be fulfilled as a person. Until then, I was expected to keep my hands, mouth, and dick to myself. She did say that with love in her voice, but we understood each other. It would hurt her if I went outside our relationship without talking about it. 

And then she said, “Love is love.”

We have talked for hours every day since (so nothing has changed there), and the day that we list the house is getting closer. She says that I’m sounding happier, more confident, and she loves hearing what I’m learning about myself. She has started looking for support groups for spouses of bi people in our new city, and promptly rejected the Straight Spouse Network as coming across as way too toxic and fatalistic from its website. She wants this to work, and I do to. 

And we will.

I’m not just with someone that I want to be with more than all the other women in the world. 

I want to be with her more than everyone else, man, woman, or GNC person. 

I know that not everyone will have a first coming out as positive as this, but we hear about bad ones, and my fellow bisexuals are more likely to be in the closet than most other parts of the rainbow, and have higher rates of mental illness and self harm than gay and lesbian people. The closet is a coffin for us, too. Being as out as you safely can be will show people that biphobia is just as groundless as homophobia. 

I’m not ready to be completely out. That will happen with time. But there are people that are at the top of my list. She wants to be with me as I begin that process, in case anything doesn’t go well. I’m strong, but sometimes a bit delicate.

We still won’t be welcome in many circles, especially conservative and religious ones. And some LG parts of the LGBTQ+ family will still push us away, and I’ll never tell someone that doesn’t feel safe around men that they have to put up with me in their space (I’ll go stand somewhere else, but I AM coming to community events that are open to bi people). 

I’m as much a part of the larger community as they are, and for each of us that is out, it makes it safer for others to be out. It shows we are trustworthy. We aren’t dangerous. We aren’t any more likely to cheat than straight people are. We aren’t spreading STIs. We just see more potential partners in the world than they might. This difference is part of life. 

Viva la difference!

[sonthirteen]

      ❝       one drop of wine is enough to R E D D E N a whole glass of water       ❞

Get to know HANS ISLES who’s TWENTY-SIX years old and works as a LAWYER in town. He is from CORONA and is often times mistaken for DACRE MONTGOMERY while others say he reminds them of HANS from FROZEN. 

rubbish husband, evil man, king of my heart. take this sad asshole !! tw: neglect, mental illness shaming, internalised homophobia, mentioned panic attacks

[ pinterest ] 

BIOGRAPHY:

✧ unlucky number thirteen. it’s no wonder nobody cared about hans, really -- his brothers would bully him and his parents would call it character building; his nannies would forget him and he would have to look after himself; he would be scolded for crying by everyone he knew, and he was once such an emotional little boy. hans learns from a very early age that he must fend for himself, for it is a dog eat dog world and being eaten alive is not an option.

✧ his family is rich, which gives him a lot of opportunities. it gave him connections for his career -- if anyone bothered to help him out, that is -- and it gave him the best education that money could buy, but it gave hans something more important: it allowed him to find his passion and make friends. his passion for sailing became a great skill, for which he has won awards for ( not that his family noticed ), and he found friends in his horses. he was allowed to try whatever he wanted, because it meant nobody was looking after him. as a result, hans has great skills in sailing, horse riding, and dance.

✧ but no matter what he does, no matter how hard he tries and how much effort he puts in, his family don’t care. his parents are uninterested and his siblings mock him for trying too hard. he doesn’t know what to do -- he becomes sad, his nerves worked up too easily, and he briefly considers seeing a therapist. he mentions it at fourteen years old to a brother he was closest to, which lead him to being humiliated by his whole family. it would be embarrassing, they said, to have an isles boy in a therapist office. it would be bad for the image. hans does not mention it again.

✧ instead, something turns in hans, and it is for the worst. he becomes biting and manipulative and cold because it’s the only way he can be respected by his family, and he needs to be respected by his family. they still don’t take him seriously, but it’s a step in the right direction. he loses friends along the way but hans figures if they can’t keep up with him, that’s not his fault -- if he thinks any differently, he might end up spiralling, and he can’t afford a setback. so instead, he stays a clever, handsome, mysterious, rich young man. stays quiet and keeps his head down and succeeds because there is nothing else he can do.

✧ hans, by the way, is very much in the closet. he hasn’t told anybody that he’s maybe even thinking that he might be anything other than straight. he’s had a few girlfriends, a few flings, enough to keep the suspicion off of him. his parents have never expressly been homophobic, but he is so aware that everything he does is a disappointment that he can’t help but think it’s a step out of line. he can’t help but think that even if it’s a committed and loving relationship, it’ll be a disappointment. but it’s a disappointment if he doesn’t bring anyone home, either, so what is a man to do ?

✧ the emotional little boy that hans used to be is still there underneath his expensive suits and bravado, somewhere deep down. he instead hides that child away with his charming smirks and witty remarks because that’s all he knows how to do. that child he once was is still there, watching the world around the wicked adult, showing himself every so often in his frustrated tears and gritted teeth. hans does not know who he is, but he knows he wants to impress. he wants to look good and sound good so that perhaps, one day, he will be good.

✧ hans is uncertain about all the new faces in corona, but he hopes some good will come of it. though, knowing his luck, it will turn sour -- and he will take the fall for it, as often is the case with these sorts of things. he will try, all the same, to keep to himself and not bother people, because if any bad word gets back to his parents, that will be the real humiliation for him.

HEADCANONS:

POSITIVE: charming, intelligent, adaptable, ambitious, resourceful, romantic, self-reliant

NEGATIVE: manipulative, unforgiving, high-strung, snobbish, arrogant, cunning, entitled

his best friends has always been his horses, honestly. he didn’t socialise well as a kid because we was riddled with anxiety and it was easier to talk to horses and run away on them than it was to make friends.

his parents just wanted him out of the house so they let him sign up for whatever he wanted. as a result, he’s an excellent dancer, a fantastic horse rider and rearer, and an award winning sailor.

huge lover of classic lit. it makes him look like a pretentious dick but that’s exactly what he is. huge fan of tolstoy, shakespeare, homer, and dickens. has been known to quote these at people.

stans true crime documentaries and his interest in them probably lead him into law -- aside from the whole impressing his parents thing, which was also a huge motivator. 

has considered entering politics as a career move, but wants to get a few high profile cases under his belt before making that transition because he imagines that will be easier and making him more desirable. 

definitely a sufferer of anxiety attacks, and is hugely embarrassed by them. locks himself away and becomes much more biting in the fear moments after it passes.

guess who has a fear of intimacy ! guess who can’t have serious emotional relationships for fear of disappointing somebody ! guess who’s deeply in the closet ! guess who’s mortified by this fact ! it’s hans ! he figures if a relationship has got a social benefit for him, it’s workable, but otherwise he’s not interested and is a little afraid of commitment and serious romantic feelings.

aesthetic: white horses, new leather smell, expensive cologne, heavy books, sunburn, rolling your eyes, hot tea, frustrated tears, mirrors, cold hands, sly winks, lying through your teeth, chess boards, that sinking feeling of disappointment, huffing through your nose, expensive clothes, seabirds, keeping a diary, shattered glass, being overdressed, spices, the sound of waves crashing against rocks.

character insp. aka characters he relates to: elle woods ( legally blonde ), jay gatsby ( the great gatsby ), fedya dolokhov ( war and peace ), frasier crane ( frasier ), and romeo montague ( romeo and juliet )

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

troubled friends: trouble finds trouble, misery loves company. this is a squad of misunderstood villain-types just trying to make their way in the world. ( OPEN 0 / 3 )

good influence: someone who’s a good influence on him, because lord knows he needs one. somebody who won’t get cross with him when others do. ( OPEN 0 / 1 )

bad influence: somebody who encourages all the bad shit he does. someone who goads him just enough for hans to not even notice they’re doing it. ( OPEN 0 / 1 )

someone who he is a bad influence to: x ( OPEN 0 / 1 )

high school sweetheart: when hans’ bad was brewing, he was dating your character. they broke up shortly after high school ended. details tbd.  ( OPEN 0 / 1 )

sailing team buddies: as it says on the tin. they’ve won awards, they’re so damn good. can have known each other for years. ( OPEN 0 / 2 )

dance partner: idk somebody in his dance class who he’s been dancing with for years. likely the closest thing hans has to a brunch buddy. ( OPEN 0 / 1 )

childhood friend: lil pals growing up together !! somebody who has seen him transform over the years and may or may not be in support of that transformation. ( OPEN 0 / 1 )

first same sex interaction: this person is incredibly confident in their sexuality, where hans is not. open to male or male aligned nb. ( OPEN 0 / 1 )

a few ex-flings: open to any female characters. hans is a bit of a heartbreaker, which is for some people, rather attractive. ( OPEN 0 / 3 )

current string-along: somebody hans is potentially bringing home to meet his family. female character. MUST be discussed before being taken. ( OPEN 0 / 1 )

[alecsrandomthoughts]

The tension of Grace and Truth.

WINTER 2016

How Should Christians Respond to Gay Friends or Family Members?

Caleb Kaltenbach (M.A. ’07) is an alumnus of Biola’s Talbot School of Theology, lead pastor of a large church in Simi Valley, Calif., and a married father of two. He’s also an emerging voice in the discussion of how Christians should engage the LGBT community. That’s because Kaltenbach has an insider perspective, having been raised by a dad and mom who divorced and independently came out of the closet as a gay man and a lesbian. Raised in the midst of LGBT parties and pride parades, Kaltenbach became a Christian and a pastor as a young adult. Today, he manages the tension of holding to the traditional biblical teaching on sexuality while loving his gay parents.

Kaltenbach’s unique story is detailed in his new book Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction and landed him on the front page of the New York Times in June. Biola Magazine reached out to him to talk about his book and his perspective on how Christians can better navigate the complexities of this issue with truth and grace.

In your book you say that it’s time for Christians to own the issue of homosexuality. What do you mean by this? How would you like to see this play out?

Christians can own this issue by caring enough to get to know the whole person. If you think that identifying as LGBT is mainly about sex — that’s shallow. The theology of “whom we have sex with” might be black and white, but the person and related experiences aren’t. Once my mom told me that she and her partner hadn’t been intimate in years. I asked why she still called herself a lesbian. Her response was that she had a community filled with friends, acceptance, a cause and deep feelings. It reminded me that people have depth. Care enough about a person not to reduce them to their sexual orientation. If someone who is LGBT says that it’s not mainly about sex, why immediately throw the “homosexuality verses” their way? Talk about holy living down the road. Perhaps Christians can own this issue by being kind and making a new friend.

You challenge Christians to stop avoiding or merely “tolerating” LGBT people, but to engage in meaningful relationships with them. What should that look like?

The more Christians stop treating people in the LGBT community as “evangelistic projects” or “those people,” the more meaningful relationships will develop. Here’s the secret to engage in meaningful relationships with anyone: Treat people like actual people. Embrace the tension by developing friendships over meals, coffee and more. Engage in conversations. Try to understand who they are as a person (experiences, hopes, dreams, fears, etc.). Don’t seek to “fix” anyone, but point to Christ. Here’s a hard truth I came to learn over the years: It’s never been my job to change someone’s sexual attraction. God didn’t call me to “restore” LGBT people to a straight orientation. It’s not even my job to change lives. It’s God’s job. He has great experience in the “life change department.” My responsibility is to love people, make friends and journey with them.

You write that one definition of love is holding the tension of grace and truth. What do you mean by this and who do you think models this sort of love well?

The uncomfortable feeling in the tension of grace and truth is love. and God as well. However, love never harms. A theological conviction should never be a catalyst to treat someone poorly. We can accept the person without approving of their choice to be in (or pursue) a same-sex relationship. Love people, but remember what the Bible teaches. Deepen your relationships, but hold firm to conviction. Never give up on the person or Scripture. Love never takes sides. Love has no exception clause. I see this love lived out by some parents of gay teenagers. These parents love their kids no matter what and nothing about their relationship changes. They thank the teen for trusting them with this part of their life. At the same time, they hold true to what Scripture says not only about sexuality, but also about loving others.

What happens if our “love” is not accepted at all because we still hold to truth? What would you say to an LGBT person who argues that “acceptance but not approval” is not actually love? Isn’t that the direction society is moving, that anything short of full approval is actually bigotry?

To the LGBT person: Be careful taking a hardline stance on something that isn’t your foundational identity. Your main identity shouldn’t be defined by your sexual orientation; rather God should define it. People are entitled to their beliefs. Many examined Scripture, believe that sexual intimacy is for a man and woman in marriage, and aren’t homophobic or hateful. If these people are loved ones (being loving towards you) why shut them out? Don’t distance yourself because they don’t agree with you or the kind of relationship you might have. Don’t treat others who disagree with you the way you wouldn’t like to be treated. They might be intolerant in your mind for not agreeing with you. However, are they treating you poorly? Do they love you less? Do they not value you anymore? Don’t become intolerant by not giving them margin to have different views.

How should and how shouldn’t Christians respond if someone in their life or church community confides in them about same sex attraction?

Christians make too many mistakes when someone comes out to them. They try to advise counseling. At some point, they will throw out Bible verses concerning homosexuality or marriage. Some Christians try to “relate” and often compare same-sex attraction to other sins like murder, theft, etc. Emotions like depression and anger will usually set in. Unfortunately, these are all the wrong things to do. Everyone needs counseling, the person coming out probably knows how you interpret the Bible regarding sexuality, and they don’t want to be compared to Hannibal Lecter or Gordon Gekko. This is a moment to listen and affirm your love for them. Think of it this way: The people coming out to you have chosen to share a very intimate and personal part of their life because you are someone they value. You can never get this moment back, and responding the wrong way is devastating.

How should a Christian respond if invited to a same-sex marriage ceremony? Is attending a gay wedding a tacit affirmation of the sacredness of the vows being exchanged?

Attending may put you in a difficult position as one who believes marriage is for a man and woman. However, you’ll have influence in your relationship with the married person. Fear shouldn’t keep you from a situation where others disagree with you. There might be a chance to share your faith with others at the wedding. Later, when the newlywed has a season of doubt or turmoil, you might be the person they turn to (giving you the chance to share Jesus). But there are also reasons why you may not want to attend. Hurt feelings may result, but God created marriage for him and the couple. You need to stand for truth, and this might be one of those times. In the end, the couple might recognize and remember your integrity. Either option could carry relational difficulty, doctrinal tension or emotional baggage. My advice: Pray about it and represent Jesus well with your decision.

If celibacy is the only option for a same-sex-attracted Christian who wants to remain biblically faithful (you argue this in the book), what can the church do to better minister to these people? Can we just casually tell them “no sex for you!” and leave it at that?

Some argue the Bible doesn’t address same-sex loving monogamous relationships, so it’s fine. However, all passages dealing with homosexuality agree that same-sex intimacy isn’t God’s design — monogamous or not. Sexual intimacy is from God for a man and woman in the covenant of marriage. Outside of marriage, there shouldn’t be any expression of sexuality. Our sex-obsessed culture makes celibacy out to be cruel, when it’s a blessing. There’s more focus on God, freedom in life, acknowledgement of attraction while still holding to biblical convictions. Intimacy isn’t only sexual; it is also experienced through lifelong friendships, supporting causes and family. The church must create an atmosphere of relational opportunities for single people. For example, if a single person is sick, hospitalized, or needs help — the church should support them through small groups, funds and other ways. Celibacy is a sacrifice for Jesus, and the church needs to prepare for that sacrifice.

What are some ways local churches can better minister to the LGBT community?

Allow people to “belong before they believe.” If you’re going to ask people not to identify with the LGBT community, you’d better have another community ready for them! Give people margin for God to work in their lives. Healing and spiritual heart surgery takes time. Help people to feel safe about admitting struggle without fear of backlash. Create an environment where it’s OK for teenagers to ask questions and be authentic. Train youth leaders to listen and ask the right questions. Create support for parents of gay teenagers. Spend time with LGBT people outside and inside your church (they are there). Listen, ask questions and learn. Don’t allow church policies to hinder needed conversations.

Caleb Kaltenbach (M.A. ’07) is the lead pastor at Discovery Church in Simi Valley, Calif., and the author of Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction.

[escapingtheconstrictingboxes]

In A Heartbeat

I just watched In a Heartbeat, and oh my god was it just the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life. I nearly cried at this. that was how happy I was. And I never cry when it comes to movies and books. (There have been a few exceptions) Let me just say a few things though because I am over emotional right now.

In a Heartbeat is an animated short film that was recently released and it’s about ‘A closeted boy runs the risk of being outed by his own heart after it pops out of his chest to chase down the boy of his dreams.’. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend you watch it as soon as you can.

Note: These are my opinions and feelings and this is my way of sharing them to the world. If you don’t like it, please leave.

Okay, so I don’t know their names so I’ll be referring them according to their hair colours. 

First of all, can I just talk about the casual lgbt+ representation of this short film??? It’s literally about this red haired boy falling in love with another boy. There is no burden of accepting of who he is. It’s not seen as a weakness in him or as a problem in his life. The only problem is that he’s afraid of being judged by his peers which is reasonable considering today’s time. Also, the redhead is so awkward and relatable and honestly, almost everyone is awkward when it comes to crushes and dealing with them. If we replaced the black haired boy with a girl, if would be the exact same thing! He would still be awkward and adorable! That’s how casual the representation is! And if we look at today’s time, there aren’t many casual representations. (Or maybe I haven’t been looking at the right pieces of media) I get having problems over coming to terms with your sexuality and/or gender but there have to be instances where it’s as simple as liking your own gender. 

Also, another thing, the influence of this is going to be huge. Because every kid who stumbles across this animation is going to think that it’s completely fine with being gay. I’m sure this is targeting an audience of kids and kids are extremely impressionable. Let’s take myself as an example. Coming from a conservative family and a homophobic environment, you can’t say I’ve been exposed to much lgbt+ stuff in my childhood. First lgbt+ character I ever read about or saw? Nico Di Angelo. Nico Di Angelo is a kid from the Percy Jackson series and falls in love with Percy Jackson (the main protagonist). Now, the first reaction I had when Nico Di Angelo came out was, “But he doesn’t get Percy’ I literally felt sorry that the kid wouldn’t get the love of his life. There wasn’t any, ‘But boys aren’t supposed to like boys’. He was written in such a normal and casual way that I accepted him as who he was (even though I didn’t fully understand what Nico was). I think things like this are going to be so helpful for children so that they don’t grow up to be narrow-minded morons. 

Another example, is the cartoon show, Steven Universe. It has a lot of lgbt+ representation in it’s own way and breaches on a lot of other topics and is filled with complex characters. The influence of this show is humongous and with the lessons that Steven Universe teaches, well, we might as well be getting ready for a new world. Lots of kids watch this show and while many think that this show is only for kids, they are completely wrong. Yes, it is a cartoon. But even cartoons can be meaningful. 

To summarise this long rant, In A Heartbeat is the best casual representation I’ve seen so far and the fact that it’s animated only makes it better. Since it’s animated, kids are more likely to watch the show. And if they do watch the show, a seed of positivity towards the lgbt+ community will be planted. This was my long rant because of my over flowing emotions and if you’ve read it so far, I applaud you. 

[princess-of-the-corner]

I needed to re-make my headcanons list so here we go: Mlp characters with gender, sexuality, and body type headcanons. Also have some ‘what race they’d be as a human’ headcanons and maybe a few other things tossed in too;

Pinkie Pie

Panromantic Pansexual

Genderfluid(DFAB). Depending on the day, it will be either she/her, he/him, they/them, or even sometimes they don’t even know.

5′ 10″(177.8 cm)

Definitely fat, but has plenty of muscle and is active as hell. 

White, mostly Irish, but has a small amount of Native American in there.

Hella ADHD, fidgets with things all the time, messes with her hair, waves arms as she talks, tends to chew on things(pencils/pens, necklaces, headphone wires, etc.), so she keeps lolipops and hard candies on her so that she doesn’t ruin things.

Twilight Sparkle

Biromantic Bisexual

Demigirl(DFAB). she/her or they/them pronouns

As a Unicorn: 5′ 10″(177.8 cm), as an Alicorn: 6; (182.88 cm)

Decent weight, some muscle from sparing with her brother on occasions. She eats a lot but burns through calories like hell because she’s always using magic.Probably a little chubbier in Season 1, since she sat around all day, but she’s become more active since then.

Romani

She used to need glasses as a kid, but refused to wear them. Since since she was Celestia’s student she could take her time to decipher blurs. Becoming an Alicorn fixed her eyesight somewhat.

Rarity

Gray-romantic Gray-sexual

Cis female(never bothered to question her gender though)

5′5″(165.1 cm)

Average weight for her height. 

Chinese and Japanese

Loves making clothes for all bodytypes. Encourages everyone who comes to her shop that they look amazing. Specifically makes things for larger bodytypes instead of the ‘uh, just make it bigger??’ thing.

Applejack

Aromantic Asexual(sex neutral)

Agender(DFAB) she/her pronouns because she’s used to it(but doesn’t mind other pronouns)

6′ 4″ (193 cm)

Lot of muscle from farm work, but it’s the legit muscle and not the defined body-builder muscle. Can lift a lot

75% Native American, 25% white. pretty much looks like a combination of the two.

AJ defies a lot of the ‘country girl’ stereotypes. For example, she’s quite smart. She’s good with math, and stars know how many apple-related facts she could ramble off.Also, she’s, like, the least homophobic/transphobic person(pony?) ever. She will fight anyone who is, even if they’re family members.

Rainbow Dash

Heteromantic Heterosexual

Cis female(has actually explored her gender(and sexuality for that matter), but has come to the conclusion that she’s a girl)

5′ 8″ (172.7 cm)

Obviously athletic with plenty muscle, but not the heavy-lifting ones like AJ has. Rainbow’s more like a gymnast or a dancer. 

Hawaiian

Everyone thinks she’s the gay one because stereotypes, but she’s just a major ally. Honestly it kind of works when she accompanies closeted friends to LGBT events, since it takes the pressure off them. Also, Rainbow’s smarter than everyone thinks. Like, yeah she doesn’t remember things she finds boring, but she can list every single feather in a wing, and knows her way around weather.

Fluttershy

Homoromantic Homosexual

Trans Male(DFAB)

5′6″ (167.64 cm)

Very small and thin. ‘perfect model’ type body. not much boobage but considering he’s a trans guy he’s okay with that.

I don’t have a specific race headcanon for Flutters but probably not white.

Within the show’s timeline, Fluttershy is still in the closed about his gender. The only one he’s told is Rainbow Dash who is very supportive. I have wrote a fic with EQG Fluttershy coming out to her friends, and timeline-wise it’s during his senior year at CHS.

Sunset Shimmer

Homoromantic Homosexual

Cis female

5′8″ (172.72 cm)

little bit of muscle

Unsure of race but not white

Remember the fire wings from ‘My Past is Not Today’, and also Daydream Shimmer? She has those, but they’re sort of phantom-like. Basically you can only see them if you look for them. Or if you have Aura Vision. 

Starlight Glimmer

Heteromantic Heterosexual

Cis female

5′6″ (167.64)

average bodytype

white

Has experimented with her sexuality before but no she only likes guys

Spike

Demiromantic Pansexual

Agender(more of ???? really, but uses it as it’s the best label) (DMAB) okay with any pronouns.

His adult height will be 6′2″ (185.42 cm)

average bodytype

Latinx

Really confused by gender but rolls with it.

Sweetie Belle

Demiromantic Demisexual

Genderfluid  (DFAB)

Adult height is 5′6″(167.64 cm)

Little chubby, but has a lot of stamina.

Chinese and Japanese

Theatre kid

Scootaloo

Biromantic Asexual(sex repulsed)

Agender(DFAB), they/them pronouns

Adult height is 5′7″ (170.18 cm)

Athletic like Dash, but also a little extra muscle. 

They do eventually get to fly. It’s nowhere near anything Dash can do, and even by average standards They’re pretty bad. Their speed and endurance are terrible, but they can at least make it to the clouds on their own, and can glide fairly well.

Applebloom

Biromantic Heterosexual

Cis Female

Adult height is 5′ 9″ (175.25 cm)

Not as outright muscular as her siblings, but can still lift plenty.

75% Native American, 25% white, looks more Native than white. 

Best at building. Gives a helping hand to whoever needs something made

Princess Celestia

Demiromantic Asexual(sex positive)

Agender, she/her pronouns

7′4″ (223.52 cm)

Decently muscular. Can kick your ass.

Not sure about her race, but definitely dark skinned

Celestia lets very few others get close to her. She rarely shows her true emotions. 

Princess Luna

Biromantic Homosexual

Agender, she/her pronouns

Normal Height: 7′ (213.36), de-powered(season 1): 6′ 5″ (195.58), Nightmare Moon: 7′ 4″(223.52 cm)

Little bit of chub. 

Japanese

Dramatic as fuck

Princess Cadence

Demiromantic Pansexual

Cis Female

5′ 8″ (172.72 cm)

Thin and light

Unsure of race

Shining Armor

Biromantic Bisexual

Demiboy(DMAB)

5′ 11″(180.34 cm)

Listen, my man, he’s a fucking Guard. He has muscle and can kick your ass.

Technically he’s Prince of the Crystal Empire, but he’s more co-Captain of the Crystal Guard

Discord

Panromantic Demisexual

When asked about gender, he’l just give an unsure shrug and a wiggly hand gesture.Uses he/him most often, but okay with other pronouns

7′ 5″ (226 cm)

Noodle

He’s a mix of, like, every race, and has such an even balance of features that he can pass as whatever he wants to.

Tbh full-human(non-magical) Discord totally fucked up his left wrist as a teen and wears a wrist brace all the time.

Big Macintosh

Biromantic Bisexual

Cis male

6′8″ (210.82 cm)

Lot of muscle. 

75% Native American, 25% white, looks more white

Still always quiet

Diamond Tiara

Panromantic Demisexual

Gendrfluid(DFAB)

Adult height is 5′10″ (177.8 cm)

Little bit of muscle, little bit of chub

Unsure of her exact race but dark skinned

You can pry her metalworking abilities from my cold dead hands

Silver Spoon

Heteromantic Heterosexual

Cis female

Adult height is 5′ 7″ (170.18 cm)

Kinda fat

No specific race headcanons. Possibly white

Best chef 

Trixie Lulamoon

Homoromantic Homosexual

Cis female

5′ 5″ (165.1 cm)

thin

Unsure of race but probably not whiite

Hates that she’s shorter than Twilight. Had internal rage when she showed up after Twilight’s Ascension because she’s now even taller than her.

Prince Blueblood

Aromantic Pansexual

Cis male

5′7″ (170.18 cm)

Average body type

Unsure of race

Less of a dick than he appears to be, but uses his rep to help Aunt Celestia.

Now we’re getting to ‘I don’t want to write a goddamn paragraph for each character’ section, so have bullet points. Maybe I’ll expand if asked.

All three Sirens are gay. Hella gay. Adagio is 5′10″(177.8 cm), Sonata is 5′8″(172.72 cm), Aria is 5′6″(167.64 cm)

Cheerilee is bisexual

Flash Sentry is Bisexual

Derpy is demiromantic demisexual

The Cake Twins are Demiboy and Demigirl (respectively to their assigned Gender) and also hella gay. 

Transmare Snails 

Bisexual Snips is 

Twist and Alula are gay and also dating. 

Pansexual Pipsqueak 

Rumble is biromantic Asexual 

Thunderlane is Pansexual  

Fleur DIs Lee is Aromantic and Asexual 

Gay Breaburn because it’s a classic 

Bisexual Soarin 

Night Glider, Double Diamond, Party Favor, and Sugar Belle are all bisexual

Lyra and Bon bon are gay and dating(but totally make fun of the ‘oh we’re best friends. Just gals being pals’ thing)

Octavia is homoromantic asexual

Vinyl Scratch is pansexual

Indigo Zap is agressively straight

Lemon Zest is pan

Sour Sweet is a gay trans girl

Sugarcoat is AroAce

Sunny Flarre is graromantic graysexual

TImber Spruce is demiromantic Demisexual

Gloriosa Daisy is hella gay

Ask for any others Or for heights of characters I didn’t give heights for

[anti-dennor]

masterpost on why mod norway hates den//nor a lot without mentioning kin stuff or specific ships that are better

disclaimer: this post isn’t to start an argument, the only reason I’m making it is to organize my thoughts about den//nor because @ adhd wyd. 

This is okay to reblog, but I will ignore any and all reblogs adding on things about how I’m wrong. This is based off a mix of opinion, canon and scientific evidence about attraction, and I really, really, don’t want to argue about den//nor, especially with people who ship it. So really, for the sake of my mental health and your time, don’t bother arguing with my stubborn ass. I’m not going to change my stance on this and there’s nothing you can say to change that.

contents: yaoi / it’d be unhealthy (for both of them) / the actual shippers / dynamic

yaoi.

I’m not saying I dislike gay ships, no. I live for gay ships, I’m a gay male, I love mlm ships. Big comfort material. I dislike yaoi, gay ships are fine and dandy. Yaoi is gross.

Yaoi (”Also called BL (Boy’s Love) and Shounen Ai, yaoi is a genre of manga that fetishizes m/m relationships and relies on homophobic stereotypes for plot and character devices.”), and fujioshis.

“In most yaoi mangas, there is one agressive masculine man who preys upon an usually much younger, submissive feminine man. It strengthens the homophobic myth of gay men being predators and pedophiles.”

Doesn’t that sound a lot how the fandom portrays Denmark and Norway? Denmark is canonically the same height as Norway (Well, Norway is like an inch shorter at most), and the two have about the same body shape. Yet what do y’all fujioshis do? Draw Norway as some femme boy that’s like a foot shorter than Denmark.

“It also relies on heteronormative stereotypes, where there are always strict uke/seme roles in bed, as well as a feminine caring and a masculine powerful dynamic in the relationship outside of the bed.  “

Again, what do y’all do? Make Norway super femme and oh so much smarter than Denmark, making Denmark the unhealthily powerful one -- Bringing me to my next point;

it’d be unhealthy (for both of them).

“They have known each other since childhood, but while Denmark considers the two of them to be like best friends and believes that Norway thinks the same way he does, he is unaware of Norway's blunt teasing.[7] Norway frequently refers to him as anko[12], a term Himaruya has described as having a nuance like older brother or oniichan, the familiar form of big brother, and having a classmate-like feeling.[13]”

“Main article: Norway

Norway is a childhood friend of Denmark's, who he feels rather close to and strongly about, believing that Norway sees him the same way as a "best friend." “

(source: Norways wiki & Denmarks wiki)

Since I’m not sure how to word it; lets take my parents for example; they’d been dating since they were 15 (fifteen) until they were like 23-24. My mom used to go over to his house every. single. day. because she felt more at home there than at her own home. They never argued, they were like a perfect relationship almost. Why they broke up? My mom, and I quote, “saw him more like a brother than a lover.” Which is a completely justified reason to break up! My parents have the same relationship as siblings. Now, if my parents felt like siblings after 8 years of growing up together; imagine the bond that Denmark and Norway have.

They grew up together for thousands of years! Meaning they’d be much, much closer than my parents were. So maybe they could’ve dated at some point in their history, but I can see them doing the same thing my parents did; break up because they felt like siblings/being best friends would be better. Plus, you don’t call your lover “brother”, even if you’re not actually related or don’t mean it as sibling-way especially if you have other, blood-related, siblings.

Why would a relationship be unhealthy for the both of them?

Because if they feel like brothers, then you get the same unhealthy benefits of actual incest from the Westermarck effect, “a hypothetical psychological effect through which people who live in close domestic proximity during the first few years of their lives become desensitized to sexual attraction.” Which, guess what, Denmark and Norway have known each other since childhood, 

Fujioshis turning the shp into yaoi + the westermarck effect; what do we have?

If you put the two into a relationship you’re implying that one of them is unconsciously forcing themselves onto the other. Or just, y’know, people straight up writing something like Danish Slaughter House - a fanfiction where Denmark straight up rapes and kills all the Nordics.

And speaking of Danish Slaughter House, let’s move on to the next point;

the actual shippers.

I don’t even know where to start with this one. I guess I’ll start with shamchat, a great site, I spend a lot of time there - as one of my biggest hobbies in the past few years is roleplaying. I have almost 2 years of experience with writing Norway. The thing is, when I come across Denmarks on the site it almost always, if theyre a Dennor shipper, starts off as something like:

Best friends hanging out -> Denmark asks Norway to do something with him -> Norway is busy -> Denmark gets sad -> Norway tries to make him feel better -> Denmark confesses feelings.

what? and then Norway will tell Denmark that he sees him as a brother or just doesn’t feel the same, and then there’s a long range of reactions I’ve gotten from Denmarks with this, some of the worst including being harassed ooc for not shipping it, being guilted ooc for not shipping it (@ my RSD, someone telling me that they’re crying because I don’t ship something just. x20 as bad as neurotypicals), Denmark trying to force himself onto Norway sexually, and there was actually one where they had Denmark threaten to kill whoever Norway had feelings for.

For fucks sake! Once I was on as FtM!Caught Binding!Norway because I was feeling incredibly dysphoric, and I had a Denmark threaten to out Norway to the other Nordics, while Norway was begging him not to, and when he finally agreed not to  - which took actually making Norway (and me for that matter, since I have really big emotional ties with Norway) cry - he immediately jumps to a confession, which Norway sorta tells him off because what makes anyone think after threatening to out someone as trans they’re gonna accept a uwu love confession uwu uwu, which in turn upset Denmark and the entire rp turns to them - Norway trying to make him feel better, telling him that he’s his brother and always will be, etc. Making the biggest effort to make him feel better, but no instead he runs away to his bedroom, locks himself in his closet and tried to stab himself to death.

Most of these were done while I was on mobile, so unfortunately I don’t have saves to them.

Am I upset that you people portray Denmark horribly? Of course. My point isn’t the portrayals of Denmark here, though. Because the canon portrayal of Denmark is actually pretty fit for Norway, not going to lie, but my point is about how the shippers pull bullshit like this when someone doesn’t like their ship, which again ties into the homophobia of yaoi.

“Many mangas in this genre also have a plot centered around rape (the seme/top rapes the uke/bottom, then the uke realizes he actually loves the seme and allows the relationship to continue), abuse (physical, where the seme will hurt the uke, or emotional, where either part will threaten things as far as suicide if the other part dares to leave them), pedophilia (shota is a subgenre of yaoi in which boys as young as 5-6 will have sexual relationships with middle aged men). “

Most of these I’ve actually had to deal with personally aside from the pedophilia/shota bit, while I’ve never actually done an rp with someone as Shota!Denmark (I skip anyone who thinks shota is ok), I’ve seen them around, along with Shota!Norways.

I’m not going to start with the amount of Denmark’s on shamchat idealizing Norway in every way, shape and form.

dynamic.

Admittedly, Denmark is an almost ideal guy for Norway personality-wise, with how socially inept Norway is (Which Denmark can still be there for him if they’re friends), but for Denmark, Norway isn’t super suitable. The idea that Denmark needs someone to keep him in check is a little, how do I say it, wrong. Denmark is over 2000 years old, he’s smart enough to keep himself in check, while it would be nice for him to have someone to be there to tell him “You’re being too loud” and to give him a little help here and there, best friends can do that, can they not? As for a romantic partner, Denmark would probably be better matched with someone who doesn’t have trouble complimenting people or doing things solely to please him.

Denmark has his self image as a priority, and as shown by the above strips I’ve given, Norway isn’t the best to give him that. Norway is better at subtly doing things for people he cares for, not outright stating and cheering for him - which I did try to find the part of a strip where Denmark was imagining Norway and Iceland cheering for him (Or something like that), I couldn’t find it, but that one in specific emphasizes that a romantic relationship between Denmark and Norway wouldn’t quite work the same way their brothery relationship works.

Everyone teases and gets into arguments with their siblings, (Which Norway does tease & occasionally insult Denmark) and you always know that everything your sibling says to insult you isn’t serious, but even though Denmark “blatantly ignores offensive and aggressive social tones ”, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t pick up on them and he holds himself up too high for it to be a healthy relationship romantically if for either of them if Norway isn’t going to be positive, Norway is kinda negative and Denmark contrasts that greatly, but if Norway can’t give Denmark flattery and self esteem boosts straightforwardly, then Denmark won’t be happy in the relationship, which makes him less positive, making him less ideal for Norway. Whereas if they just stay as brothers, it’s easier for Denmark to just brush off any teasing or criticism Norway might have.

As for romantic relationships for Norway, I did say earlier that Norway needs someone who’s positive, good at social interaction, cheerful, friendly, etc. He also needs someone who easily picks up on the little things he does and isn’t extremely high-maintenance when it comes to needing flattery. Someone that Norway doesn’t have to be straightforward with. While we’re at it, I’ll also mention why someone who isn’t these things wouldn’t work, Norway needs someone positive and good at social interaction because he’s not these things, (He’s said it himself, he is painfully shy around strangers as he resolved to leave upon seeing them; yes I’m ignoring that he did all that speaking right after he said that, this is because I’m going off the it was only there for comedic purposes and doesn’t mean anything), and he needs someone cheery/friendly to contrast himself (I’m not saying he isn't friendly! He is quite that, but isn’t great at expressing it.), since a relationship between two characters who are really apathetic about a lot of things would just end in them thinking theyre apathetic abt each other. Picking up on little things + not needing to be straightforward with is kinda self explanatory after the stuff about Denmark.

Anyways, back on track. Kinda? Conclusion.

I do like the “quiet one & loud one”/”opposites attract”/similar tropes a lot, but when it comes to Denmark and Norway it doesn’t quite work out as well as others might. Especially with fandom misportrayals, it kinda ruins the pairing for me.