#hi im in grad school and busy so no promises

[tastesousweet]

⭒ the girl with the tattoo (iv) - pt 1 pt 2 p3

matt sturniolo x fem!oc / reader

summary : maybe the only way matt and y/n can stand being around each other is to fuck each other

warnings : weed, alcohol/drinking, smut (slightly rough but not very?? pretty filthy tho), profanity

mickey speaks : rlly hate how the smut turned out but maybe its jus me being a perfectionist + i changed a lot of shit ab UCLA (mostly grad dates) to fit into my narrative okay, i knowwww. only sorta proofread bc ive been busy, enjoy <3

THIS IS PART FOUR GO READ THE FIRST THREE PARTS DUHH

"FUCK!"

the turn of spring to summer in LA is typically the most eventful time of year. more parties are thrown than ever before in celebration of the season change, the boom of tourism begins, and of course school years are ending.

you celebrated your college graduation from UCLA only a week ago, with a large dinner at your favorite seafood restaurant and your friends all excitedly in attendance. matt was also there but you let it be known you invited him only so you wouldn’t feel bad (though he claims he wouldn’t have cared if you did or not).

you also shared an excruciating breakfast that same morning with your parents (both suffocating you with their traditional views that reminded you exactly why you moved hours away from them to attend school). you were cautious to wear items of clothing that would hide your tattoo and kept any conversations on the topic of your schooling rather than outside interests (not that they even care to ask) out of fear you may expose your routine of going out to party most weekends.

your brother was also at breakfast and you could tell he was trying his hardest to keep a positive attitude for you. you immediately noticed his wet face when you gave him a full hug after your ceremony, which made you cry, mostly out of missing him and love.

"it's not that bad!" andrea looks at you in the mirror as she continues to give herself soft curls.

“how the fuck did i manage to make this one downturned and this one up,” you reply in frustration while you point to either wing of eyeliner on your grimaced face.

andrea giggles and aims the stick of the curling iron at makeup remover lying in the sink, “just get a q-tip and fix it, cariño.” (“honey”)

you move around her to grab a q-tip from a small jar in the medicine cabinet before following her instructions, getting extra close to the mirror.

remi barges in the bathroom dressed in a mini skirt and a detailed patterned top, “hi nick!” she exclaims to her phone screen, placing it down on the counter while untwisting her lipgloss.

you can see nick’s awkward face as he sits in the car (making his camera jump at any dip or bump in the road), “sooo…this better be erin’s bathroom ceiling im staring at.”

“and if i say it’s not?” remi giggles to herself before rubbing her lips together to spread the gloss further.

“i’d say what the fuck are you guys still doing at home?! y/n’s our mutual friend that even got us into this bitch and i’m not just walking into some sorority house acting like i know any of these fucking people.”

“and we didn’t go to college!” chris exclaims to add to the point.

“yeah, we didn’t go to fuckin’ college!” nicks adds before his face falters, “the fuck does that have to do with it?”

chris’ voice is low as he explains himself, “you know…like, obviously we aren’t gonna know shit about some delta kappa omega?”

nick comedically pauses and the three of you watch the screen to see him staring at chris with no facial expression, “…okay chris. anyway, get your asses over here ASAP. we need you.”

“okay, we don’t need them. you’re being dramatic just chill out,” matt huffs from the driver’s seat.

“hey, we’re leaving soon i promise, nick.” andrea assures and remi picks her phone off of the counter to show the girl.

"thanks, but we'll be fine. erin told me where to find her, let's not get ridiculous." matt continues dismissing the conversation he finds so unnecessary.

you hold yourself back from saying anything but you can’t help but wonder just how close erin has got to matt. and how she managed to hold any conversations without pissing him off (no way a little lap dance dismissed matt’s entire personality). she hasn’t been too explicit about anything happening between them, only cluing you all in through her frequent mentions of him.

chris’ loud voice beams, “yeah, you ladies take your time! nick gimme the phone-” chris’ smiley face takes up remi’s screen now that the phone has shifted, “you know, who the fuck are we to tell any of you to rush?!” he sees andrea in view (with a form fitting dress and warm toned makeup) and can’t help the rush of words that decide to spill from his mouth, “andreayoulookfineasshitbytheway- and i just think, uh,” he giggles at his poor recovery and at andrea shaking her head and biting the side of her mouth (her very andrea way of blushing). “um, yeah, fuck, what was i sayin’?” he turns to matt.

nick laughs from the backseat at chris’ comment (he thinks it’s generally embarrassing opposed to andrea who finds herself embarrassingly flattered by him).

“nothing important, say your goodbyes now, we just pulled up.” matt gives his short advice and takes the phone. “see you, bye,” he hangs up and chris punches his arm immediately.

“dudeee!” chris groans. matt doesn’t give any reaction besides handing nick his phone back without looking at him.

“we’ll see them in less than an hour, get your shit.” matt tilts his head out the door as he opens it and exits the car.

“he’s so annoying.” chris huffs and turns to nick as he unbuckles his seatbelt.

“i don’t know him, he’s your fuckin’ brother.” nick shrugs and acts clueless. chris laughs into his seat and nick knows making chris laugh makes him feel way better than just shitting on matt would’ve.

matt opens his door again, “get your gigglin’ asses out here!”

౨ৎ

matt's suprised he's lasted this long at this party without a fucking drink.

he's seen just about every partygoer trope there is - drunk guys and "you need to sober up" girlfriends, overly excited drunks far too impressed by each new song that plays, the loner type who strictly speak within their circle even when wasted, et cetera - and has managed to lose everyone he knows in this crowd, leaving him alone with DD responsibilities in a sorority house bouncing with excitement in honor of their “graduating senior sisters.”

speaking of, he’s only spoken to erin once all night. he did see you with your friends briefly, early in the night before you were swooped away with nick to be introduced to some guy he just met.

so like all times matt is bitchless and bored, he decides to smoke. he reaches in his jacket pocket for the joint he rolled before the party, in case of emergency.

but just as he raises the lighter towards his mouth he's interrupted by an airy, high pitched voice, “um, excuse me!” matt looks over, “yeah, you. sorry, you can't have drugs in the house.” the blonde frowns.

“it’s weed…” matt clarifies, taking the joint from between his lips.

“uh huh! and that is prohibited, outside please,” she guides her hand, drink in tow, towards a sliding door behind her.

he's not gonna nitpick with some chick about the umbrella term of 'drugs' or debate whether the alcohol she's drinking lies under it, so he just nods his head “cool,” and removes himself from his spot against the wall to walk around her and out of the door.

౨ৎ

you slump against a nearby couch as you recover from a hour of dancing alongside your best friends. remi sits next to you and leans her head on your shoulder as you both look around at the room full of people (a shade of deep fuchsia covers the room from multiple LED lights around the large house).

when you feel your own blinks become slower you shrug your shoulder and look at remi's profile, "we should probably get up rem, or else we'll fall asleep. this couch is way too comfy." you sigh.

"mmm... yeah. kinda want another drink but," she turns to look behind you both, "the kitchen's all the way over there..."

"now i know you two aren't tapping out of my party already?!"

you both look over to see erin dressed in a small glittered party dress, making her shine as she walks closer. "erin, where the fuck have you been?!" you excitedly rise from the couch and give her a hug.

"it's actually so fucking hard to host a graduation party, especially with my sorority sisters- they've had me doing all these traditions and shit, i haven't had time to talk to like anyone!" she explains to both you and remi.

"well, at least you look good, bitch!" remi adds and holds erins hand to make her twirl in her dress.

"thank you," she blushes and looks down then back to you two, "have either of you seen the triplets?"

"i think nick's off with some dude and chris is 'teaching' drea how to play beer pong..." you trail off and look to remi, "have you seen matt at all...?"

"not recently, i don't think so?" she looks over to erin.

"oh okay, that's fine. just wanna make sure they're having funnn." she draws her words out as she plays with the ends of her hair and smiles. you and remi can both tell she something bothers her more than she's leading on.

"e, come with us to grab drinks," you hold both remi and erin's hands and guide them with you to the kitchen.

౨ৎ

matt hadn't realized how hard he was staring at you dancing until chris came up to him with wild eyes and a loud laugh, making him snap away from whatever trance he was in.

"you okay, matt? your brain's not buzzkillin' right?"

matt straightens himself to no longer lean on the wall, "no."

"you sure?"

"yes?"

"maybe you should say fuck DD and have a drink or two, might give you somethin' to smileee aboutttt!" chris laughs.

"don't be stupid, chris. 'm not driving drunk."

"obviously we'd get an uber, matt." he emphasizes with a 'duh' attitude. "i get funnier when drunk, not stupid."

"right," matt offers a light laugh.

he throws a hand over matt's shoulder as they both face the crowd of dancing people, "god damn andrea's fucking hot- swear she's been feelin' me all night," chris hypes himself up then brings his red solo cup towards his mouth.

matt's eyes shift from you to andrea, who's limbs move just as freely and smile is just as wide. "that's good, that's good," matt nods. "she's nice."

"she's everything, bro." chris shakes his head in awe, "but, uh, do you have any cash on you?" matt turns his head, eyes showing his annoyance. "i'll pay you back, you know that matt. just like $20 to get me in the poker game outside."

"chris-"

"please, matt," he begs.

matt lets a heavy sigh out through his nose as he rustles in his pocket for his wallet. "you're my favorite now," chris kisses matt's hand quickly before he's heading off with a crumpled twenty in hand.

matt's eyes follow him until he's fully gone, then he's turning to look for you again. only this time it's not a challenge at all, you're already on your way.

you pull at the bottom of your little black dress (which rode up some due to your eccentric dancing) as you approach. "hi, matttt," you sing. it's known to most of your friends that when you're drunk your emotions are ten times stronger, and right now you're feeling extra carefree.

matt can tell you've definitely had a few drinks, so he tries to keep the conversation civil. "hey," he cracks a smile.

"are you not having fun?" you ask. you've wondered ever since you recognized him across the room.

"sure, i'm having fun." he shrugs, keeping eye contact with you.

you notice his all black outfit and blue jean jacket, "we kinda match," you look down at yourself then towards him, "i had a jean jacket too...it's um, in a closet somewhere i think."

"then you must have great style," matt jokes.

"oh i think that was clear before i happened to match you," you joke making use of your hands while speaking.

"mhm, sure..."

"so, do you wanna dance with us?" you smile in question.

"absolutely not," matt laughs and brings a fist to his mouth.

your smile drops, "right, you watch us dance but laugh at the thought of participating...?" you move your eyes to each side, "'cause that makes sense, matthew."

"no, it's not like that. you go have fun, i'm just not one to make myself look stupid for fun." he shrugs.

"so we...look stupid?" you squint your eyes in amusement knowing matt is trying to be such a hard ass for no reason.

"you said it," he laughs.

now you're a bit annoyed. "so you go back to being a loser all alone right here in this corner, and i'll go back to this stupid party and enjoy myself."

"alright," he rolls his eyes, "go ahead and be dramatic about it."

"will do," you sigh and begin to walk over to your friends, presenting matt with the gift of your middle finger directed towards him behind your back.

and matt thinks he just might take chris' advice on having a drink or two.

౨ৎ

you hate that matt is still on your mind.

and it irritates the fuck out of you that you're now giddy seeing him for a third time tonight. but to give yourself the benefit of the doubt, you've gotten to the point where you're so buzzed you've become horny.

you came outside on the hunt for remi, who told you she was looking for erin, and ended up finding all three triplets at a makeshift poker table full of rowdy men.

and as some wise person must have said: when horny, find someone to fuck.

"y/n!! whatcha doin'?" nick notices you and gives you a wide grin offering you a chair near the table.

"hey, nick. 'm sorry i can't really stay i just, um, need to borrow matt."

matt. who isn't paying much attention to anything around him now that the four shots he took settled. with his phone in one hand and a beer resting in his other, he's bound to be startled when you come behind him and whisper in his ear, "heyyy, sorry to bother but can we talk?"

he blinks and looks behind him, "y/n?!"

"come," you motion with your fingers and begin to walk away as he rubs his fingers over his eyes and starts to stand up.

"yeah?" he asks getting closer to you.

you wordlessly bring him back into the heated house and navigate until you find a mostly empty hallway (all while he keeps annoying you by repeatedly asking what you want).

his back falls against the wall, "way to confuse the fuck outta me. what's good?" the hand you were once holding dives into his front pocket out of habit and the other continues to hold his beer.

"i just need you to take me home."

"y/n, i'm no longer driving myself home, let alone you," he shakes his head.

"right, i figured, smartass."

"glad those comprehension skills still work. grab your phone and order an uber, 'm sure you dont need my help."

"matt. i want you to come home with me." you sigh in defeat.

"oh shit." matt dead pans. "ohhh shit." his eyes widen before a a laugh breaks through his closed mouth, "sunshine...you're tryna' fuck?" he looks up at you from his spot against the wall.

you scramble a lie to make yourself look less pathetic, "you're a last resort trust me," you roll your eyes. this was way better in your drunken mind than reality.

"still made the list though!" matt jokes, "wow. who knew you were so romantic? bringing me all the way over here just to tell me you wanna fuck. and at your place? how sweet," he can't help but poke fun.

"fuck you," you say under your breath.

"well only because you asked so kindly!" he goes to wrap his arms around you before you push him back against the wall.

"are you done?"

"i guess." he shrugs.

"so will you or not," you try to keep your confidence and not allow matt's comments to embarrass you. "it's fine if not, just-"

"yeah," matt's smirk slowly grows. "meet me out front, i'll have to go lie to my brothers but i can be quick."

౨ৎ

"why am i shocked you're actually here?" you ask as you shut the car door and look over to matt, phone screen reflected on his face.

the car begins to speed out of the neighborhood as he turns off his phone and shoves it in his jacket pocket, "let's be serious for one second," he reaches over and pulls at the end of your dress, "you wear this and look like that and you think i'd say no? i'd be crazy. i mean, yeah, your fuckin' mouth can irritate me to pieces but-"

"actually just shut up, matt" you remove your head from leaning against the window and move across the middle seat to kiss him. you pull apart fairly quickly though, "how are you less mean yet extra annoying when drunk? i shoulda went with my last last resort." you shake your head.

matt grumbles before leaning to kiss you again.

౨ৎ

after a car ride full of teasing and rushed kisses, you both made it to your apartment complex.

you fumble with your purse as you search for your house keys, distracted by matt’s lips moving over your neck. you pinch your eyes shut in frustration, “mattt, give me a second,” you nudge your shoulder into him to get him off of you.

“let me see it,” he grumbles grabbing your purse and finding your keys with ease, moving his arms around you and unlocking the door.

“you make it look so easy,” you breathe and open the door with your body pressed against it.

matt lets go of you and follows you inside.

you lean a hand on the wall next to the door to quickly remove your heeled shoes and matt watches you with dopey eyes and glossy, excessively bitten lips before deciding to take his shoes off as well.

you walk closer to him once he’s done, your dress riding up your legs and barely covering your ass at this point. you look up to him and softly ask, “do you need anything to drink?”

he brings his right hand up to hold your face and moves close to your lips, “you know i don’t want a fucking drink.”

“you don’t?" your pout is genuine even though you're teasing him. he knows you're sweet enough to really get him a drink if he desired. he draws his thumb across your slumped lip before you speak again, "well…what do you want, matt?” you move your hands to the waist of his jeans, tracing the outer seam.

he pinches his eyes shut and moves his head to lean on your shoulder, he’s not gonna be the one to say he wants to fuck you. you want to fuck him, that's why he's here. so he’s definitely not begging you to touch him.

“hmm…?” you hum as your hands go to either side of his face, bringing him back to look at you. he looks into your eyes as he drops his hand from your jaw. you notice the pink splotches that still linger on his face, recovering from the heat of the party atmosphere and now the heat of this moment.

matt looks down at your lips, “you know what i want, and you want it too.” his hands travel down and push the front of your mini dress up as he feels over your underwear.

you mouth hangs open and you move your hips against him softly. begging him with your actions rather than your words. and those tend to speak the loudest.

"so what do you want, y/n?" he asks quietly without breaking eye contact.

"matt-" you breathe, wanting him to do anything more than a juvenile rub over your underwear.

he licks and sucks your neck as your hands capture his hair. “where do you want me?” he sounds out of breath when he asks so close to your ear. he finally moves his fingers past the waistband of your panties to nudge your clit as he taunts, “hmm…? you want me right here?”

you whine, “we can’t right here."

"why not?" he breathes against you, annoyed.

"i can't have you fuck me in the foyer i share with my best friend,” you just know andrea would be pissed if either of your body’s fluids made it onto the freshly vacuumed carpet.

he retracts his hand, “then why are we just standing around? show me to your room,” his voice is rough.

“why don’t you try to guess which is my room is mine?” you smile with your faces far too close together.

“why don’t you be a good host and give me a tour?” he retorts.

“that’s not fun,” you push.

he growls and lifts you up, walking past the living room and into a hallway that splits in two (all while you incessantly kiss his jaw and upper neck). he huffs at his ridiculous situation and reaches for the first door he sees. a toilet sits at the end of the room and a cluttered counter to the left.

“bathroom,” you mutter with a giggle.

matt responds with a snipped tone, “mhm yeah i’ve seen one before.”

his grip on your waist grows harsher as he opens and closes a multitude of doors with you commentating over.

he finally makes it to your room with you mocking him in a cheer of celebration as you climb off of him and turn on the dim light near your bedside.

matt would normally take in the room around him but his headspace is far too sexually frustrated to give a shit about how you decorate your room.

he opts to stand near the door and eye you from afar, wanting nothing more than to pounce on you.

you notice this (as well as the fact that matt hasn’t listened to a word you’ve said about minding the mess of clothes piled in the corner from your struggle to pick an outfit earlier) and slowly walk back towards him. the soft yellow light blurs behind you and highlights the edges of your figure in a mouthwateringly pretty way that makes matt antsy.

when you’re close enough matt somehow pulls you closer. his nose nudges against yours messily before capturing your mouth in a heated kiss. your hands feel for the end of his shirt and move underneath it to touch his warm lower stomach. you can feel how his body expands and curls as he breathes through your unwavering kiss.

despite wanting to keep the tension high, you break apart from matt to tease a bit, “can i touch you?” his face is scrunched absentmindedly from his desire and his lower lip finds its place tucked behind his front teeth when he rushes a nod to you in encouragement.

you push him away from you softly, “take your jacket off.” you move to your bed and after the sound of a jacket hitting the floor, you find him right on your feet, chasing your kiss and heat.

he leans over you and immediately finds your lips once more. now that he’s on top of you he finds himself wanting to get you to say how bad you want him.

his hands meet your thighs and move your dress as they run up to your rib cage before moving back down to squeeze your thighs.

matt’s surprised when you’re the one to involve your tongue in the mix, making the kiss sloppy yet intimate. your hand then crawls into his hair to keep him close.

but he doesn’t let you hold him for long, taking your hand from his hair and laying it against the bed, raising himself above you. “what do you want sweetheart?” he lowers his other hand towards your stomach, grazing your tattooed hip gently before feeling your underwear.

“you,” you respond in defeat and desperation.

“oh? and you want me to…?”

“matt. touch me,” you take your free hand and guide his own under the waistband of your underwear.

“but i thought you wanted to touch me? now you’re just bein’ selfish.” he keeps his hand close to your pussy, running his index finger across your lips kindly.

you look at him with droopy eyes, “please."

so matt lets you be selfish. he selfishly wants to taste you after all. he lowers himself to your face and captures your bottom lip once more, sucking then biting down slightly before moving his face further down your body slowly. your dress maintains its rippled shape in a bunch right where your tits lie.

he makes his way to your tattooed lower hip, still a little impressed with his execution of the cartoon (as it's not his typical style) and showing this with a kiss, then a light lick (making you shudder the tiniest bit). as he furthers, he finds the space on the bed is not enough, opting for the plush, carpeted floor.

matt sits on the back of his calves to watch how your body reacts when he pulls your panties down, only he misses the satisfied smile curling onto your face when you move your head to the the side.

he shifts your pliable legs to give him a better view of your heat's entirety, spreading your folds gently as he gathers spit in his mouth and spills it onto your clit. his eyes flicker from your face (choking on a moan) to the bead of saliva mixing with your natural slick that has him on edge. “that feel good?” he asks and moves his fingers up and down your pussy slowly, bumping your clit but not lingering long enough.

“yes...so good, matt,” you encourage in a broken whimper.

he hums, placing his mouth over your clit and sucking hard. you moan out lowly and you can't help but close your legs around matt's head. he normally would lay them flat again and tease you but he finds the pressure and dizziness turns him on so much more. his hands rest at your hips, moving up and down and your legs cradle his head as he works his mouth and tongue on you.

"mm fuck," you reach above your head to grip the soft colored comforter in your manicured hands. matt never falters, his licks only become needier when he adds two of his fingers to curl inside of you.

he continues his restless actions until the moment right before you have registered you were about to cum. then, he's immediately removing himself and standing up, wiping his face with one hand as the other hurries to unbuckle his chunky black belt.

you grumble and fix yourself to sit up and look at him, now discarding the belt into his own growing pile of clothes on your floor. he begins to unbutton his pants when he hears you whine and pull at his ego to get him to come back. “how fucking typical. should’ve known i'd barely get one orgasm, let alone two out if this.”

matt immediately stops unzipping his jeans and comes closer to stand above you, his face clearly annoyed. he gives your pussy a light slap, making you whimper. “keep talking shit, brat.” he grits through his teeth and slaps it again making a filthily wet sound that has you moaning.

he doesn't stop at that; he begins to harshly rub your clit back and forth without mercy, keeping eye contact as his face hovers your own, before moving his fingers inside of you while his thumb continues to work your clit. continuous loud moans crowd your room before you eventually meet your high with rolled eyes and shaking legs.

matt quickly pulls his fingers out and wipes them against your thigh leaving it sticky and shiny like golden honey. finally able to unzip and remove his jeans and boxers, allowing his needy cock to be free from the tightness. you move to the edge of your bed when you hear the small clap against his stomach, eager to find matt as ready for you as you are for him.

he watches from above as you admire his length while your fingers ghost over his sensitive dick. you then bring your mouth closer, dribbling spit over his tip and wrapping a fist around him. you look up into his hooded eyes for approval then take him in your mouth and jerk the rest of him with your hand.

he groans and bites his pink and undoubtedly swollen bottom lip as you suck and hollow your cheeks around him, even taking him all the way at some points. and though this feels fucking amazing, he wants nothing more than to be inside of you right now.

he holds the base of your neck then squeezes lightly to get you to pull away, spit erotically traveling with your lips. “can i fuck you now?” his voice is perfectly hushed yet demanding in tone.

you nod and matt wipes your lips, “good, take that dress off.” he removes his own shirt and reaches for a spare condom he’d put in his pocket before leaving the house (for no particular reason). he turns back to you, with your breasts now on display for him, ripping the package with his teeth.

you motion for him to give it to you and he complies. somehow even when you’re literally putting a condom over his dick, you’re a sweetheart about it: kissing it once he’s fully covered and turning yourself over onto all fours without him having to ask. because you understand yourself and have the confidence to choose the position you’d like to be fucked in. and matt would be lying if he said that isn't so fucking attractive.

he smirks as he adjusts himself on the bed, feeling out every inch of your full ass before moving his hands to squeeze your waist. you lay your head against the plush comforter, arching yourself further in anticipation. “matt,” you blubber out a whine.

he takes the base of his cock and guides it through your folds, “mhm…i know.” he sees your face twist in amusement, “oh, you like that, huh?”

you lick your lips and nod your head before matt finally pushes himself fully inside of you. his hips start in slow, rhythmic patterns before becoming uncontrolled and incomplete- and the same goes for your moans.

matt's almost hypnotized by the way your ass moves in reaction to his thrusts (slowing himself down just to watch in detail and only speeding up when you start to get really antsy over it).

as you both get sloppier and chase your highs, matt decides to flip you over and tuck your legs into your chest for a different angle. there's something especially needy in the way he rubs at your clit and makes a mess of your tits with his mouth that drives you insane with pleasure.

"my- shit!" you moan harshly under matt.

"hold it," he huffs.

"can't," you whimper, "just-"

"shhh," matt captures your lips as he quickens his pace, feeling his own climax approaching. after a few moments you're breaking the kiss to roll your head away, exposing your neck as you uncontrollably cum around matt.

"fuck," he moans, stilling his movements to maximize his release.

he takes a moment to breathe before removing himself from you, immediately fucking his fingers into you while rubbing your weak clit (just to be annoying) until you push him away and tell him to fuck off.

he lets out a chuckle as he removes the condom and discards it appropriately. when he comes back over to you you're on your side with your own arm wrapped around your waist in comfort.

matt sits next to you, "that good for you?"

you just nod and bite back a smile.

matt hums in pride, running a hand over your exposed ass before leaning down to kiss and suck a dark hickey into the skin.

"c'mere," you tug his hand.

he complies and you turn to open your legs for him once more, grinding a bit once the two of you begin to kiss again.

you reach between the two of you, taking matt's half-hard dick in your hand and stroking. as you pick up your pace he whines and begins to thrust into your hand in need.

until you hear your front door open. to which you push matt off of you and on to the floor, hearing him groan as you snap at him to get in your closet.

you crawl under your comforter while matt hurries to gather his things from your floor and get into your closet.

you hear andrea stumble a little making her way through the house and you catch your breath just as she knocks on your door and cracks it to check if you're sleeping.

"y/n, you awake?" she slurs a whisper.

"yes. hi drea, how'd you get home?"

she opens the door a little further but continues to lean on the door frame, "how did you get home? was lookin' all over like 'where's my girl?' everyone was usless though," she sighs.

"sorry, i took an uber," you giggle, "i got sleepy, i guess."

"mhm...you and me both." she yawns expectedly.

"you should get some sleep, we can talk in the morning, okay?" you smile from your bed.

andrea nods, "'kay, love you." she leaves with a sleepy smile.

"love you," you reply as she shuts the door again.

you let out a relieved breath, glad she hadn't suggested a sleepover like you'd both normally do when drunk.

matt walks out of your closet, almost fully clothed, buckling his belt again, "gave me fucking rug burn, thanks."

you move a hand over your face, "sorry- i just don't need anyone seeing you here."

"'s fine," he shrugs and takes a seat on your bed, "how long is it gonna take her to sleep so i can leave?"

"less than five minutes," you pick at one of your acrylic nails, seeing matt place his jacket on your bed makes you almost laugh to yourself, "shit, i left my jacket at erin's."

matt grins to himself and adds, "shit, i left my car at erin's," with a shake of his head.

you both laugh softly before it fizzles.

matt's back is towards you as he opens his phone to order another uber home. and now the silence brings you back into reality and suddenly you're feeling sick to your stomach about erin.

it takes you a little but you eventually mumble towards his back, "matt you didn’t fuck erin, right?"

"no," his voice sounds distracted and like he wouldn't care even if he did.

you focus on a loose thread in your comforter that you pick at, "...kay. not that it matters 'cause this was only for tonight. but i know i would probably die from guilt knowing i fucked with you after she did."

he turns to see you genuinely out of it and seeming to shelter yourself under your blanket. he leans towards you and rubs your arm softly before whispering, "don't make it a big fucking deal, nothing's different." his stare actually makes you feel far worse but you nod as if you agree anyway.

he stands up and puts his jacket on, “you sleep well okay, sunny?”

"shut the fuck up, you don't care about how i sleep," you whisper.

he breathes a laugh and reaches for your door.

꩜⋆ ˚｡⋆🎱˚

tag list (ily):

@rootbeerworshiper

[bi-bats]

18, 43, and 78 for the Fanfiction Writer Asks?

Oh my god Jpeg!!! Hi!!!! Thank you for the ask 💖💖💖 Sorry in advance for turning this into an essay but hopefully you enjoy it and thank you!!!!

18 - Do you enjoy research? Which fic of yours required the most research?

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, honestly. It tends to feel like homework sometimes, but I'm a huge reader and I love reading comics. It's just hard for me to find time between working full time and the D&D campaign I'm writing/DMing and the academic article I'm writing and being in a relationship and figuring out grad school/future stuff. Basically, I'm a really busy person but I just want to read and write fic all day 😭

As for which required the most research that I've already started posting, I'd have to say Know Yourself. I had to read Battle for the Cowl, and I still have to read Final Crisis (is that a spoiler? 👀). I basically did no research for Rooftops & Bookshops (I feel like it shows) but I did read quite a few summaries.

But the fic with the most research I will have to do is definitely the fic I'm going to talk about in the next question, for which I'll have to read Red Robin, Under the Red Hood and some of Tim's Robin run. Probably more, but it'll be worth it.

43 - Is there a trope or idea that you'd really like to write but haven't yet?

YES. So many. I want to write one bed and also time travel and also identity reveal (thank you jaytimweek for forcing me to do it providing me with the opportunity). I actually have two ideas for identity reveal, one of which will hopefully be up for jaytimweek. The other identity reveal is definitely going to be my next long fic. I already know it'll be near 100k words and I PROMISED myself I wouldn't start working on it until Know Yourself is fully posted except for the epilogue (so a few months 😭). The identity reveal longfic is also going to be a soulmates fic 😈 and I think it might technically not be a love square but also it sort of will be? OKAY IF I SAY ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT IT IM GONNA SPOIL SOMETHING NEXT QUESTION

78 - What motivates you during the writing process?

Honestly, I feel sort of shitty being like "people's reactions," because I shouldn't base my worth as a writer on how many kudos/comments I get, etc., etc., and no one reading this should feel any pressure to comment if they don't want to, but when I get to see how someone reacted to my work??? OH that's the stuff.

I tend to be my own worst critic with everything, but especially my own writing, so every time I see a new comment, I have the urge to run to my computer and write. I basically get high off comments, especially when it's from authors I love to read!!! (@ you jpeg. Detective Timothy Drake and the Mysterious Case of the Unclaimed Dildo lives in my head rent free. That fic is a masterpiece.) There's just something about knowing that a writer I love enjoys my work. It really makes me feel confident in my writing, which makes me want to write more.

Also serial commenters!! I'm looking forward to what you think of every new chapter. Also people who just comment ahsjslakhdslkab or second kudos or a heart emoji. And people who post those really long comments theorizing or asking questions or copy/pasting quotes with their reactions??? My favorite. Satisfies the desire I have to watch everyone read my work so I can see them react to it.

Basically, knowing that people are enjoying what I write and want to read more is honestly the biggest motivator for me, which is why I tend to post chaptered stuff. I need the push to keep going, or else my piece would rot in my drafts (like some of my unposted works that I'll resuscitate one day)

Also if anyone reading this has ever commented on one of my fics, just know I think we're besties now. Come say hi. Even if you haven't commented and just want to motivate me to write more! Come say hi!

[galraxn]

Me, logging back in; 

[sipsteainanxiety]

from the prompt list, bakugou w a short s/o and an “against the wall kiss” 👀👀

sorry this is so late uhhh college fucked me over 😀 but im on summer break now so hopefully i can start answering asks again 🥴 this one shot kinda sorta got away from me hsjsks

word count: 2.7k+

mentions: idt i used pronouns?, prolly slightly female coded tho, maybe ooc baku, suggestive content at end u have been warned, older au

You were (maybe) pissed at Bakugou.

You understood the urge he had to continuously train. To build himself up to the high standards he set as he grinded to become a full-fledged pro hero. You got it, you really did. He worked so hard for his goals, and you endlessly supported him from the sidelines as you worked towards your own. You knew how difficult it was for him, how full his schedule could get. And it didn’t matter to you at the end of the day; as long as you were together, you could handle the occasional bouts of loneliness. You were not that dependent on him, after all.

Between both of your busy schedules - with you in grad school and him working as a sidekick - there was hardly any time to really hang out together. Sure you both lived in the same apartment, but your different working hours made it hard to see each other at times. It didn’t bother you too much; not particularly. Sometimes, you would wake up in the middle of the night to see him slip into bed beside you, exhaustion apparent in the way he would immediately pass out. It was those instances you treasured, just holding him as he dozed away, completely unaware.

But sometimes, there were moments when there was a patch of free time that matched up in both your schedules. You would seize the chance to finally get some awake time together, doing whatever you both wanted. Sometimes you would laze around in the living room. Other times you would have a nice little date at a restaurant. It didn’t matter to either of you. The moments were so rare that you took what you could get.

Recently, however, you found that Bakugou… was starting to flake out on your free time together. You didn’t mind the first time. Or the second. You knew that there were often instances where he had to go into the agency he worked in to take care of unexpected business that randomly popped up. It made all the difference, seeing that he was in his pivotal years of being a sidekick; what he did now would make or break his transition into becoming a pro hero. It wasn’t until he flaked out on your fifth evening together that you started to figure that something… just wasn’t right.

You knew his schedule. Knew that he usually spent a couple hours training before coming home. So he was either overtraining himself - again - or coincidentally kept getting on site calls on the same days you both had a date planned. You weren’t angry by it, but rather, confused. And a bit worried. So you confronted him about it - just to make sure he wasn’t unintentionally harming himself with work overload, as he tended to do every once in a while.

And, well, his response didn’t do much to ease up your stormy thoughts.

“’ve just got a lot to do, babe,” Bakugou had grunted one night after he’d slipped into bed again in the wee hours of very early morning. “Work keeps pilin’ on. I’ll make it up to ya later, promise.”

Later never came, it seemed.

Again, and again, and again, he flaked out on your little dates. You learned not to expect much from him in those regards. You reassured him that you didn’t mind, no really, you didn’t, you understood. But you were growing tired, and this just piled onto the worry you had for him and his tendency to just keep going until he burned out. You were a patient person, yes, but even you had your limits.

It wasn’t until you realized you hadn’t seen him in over a month that you started to get a bit pissed.

Maybe it was the stress of finals season. Maybe it was the fact that you’d lately been waking up to cold, empty sheets - the kind that told you he’d ended up spending the night at the agency again. Maybe you were simply PMS-ing. Maybe you were just that fucking touch-starved. But your emotions were everywhere, and you decided that you would let yourself be a bit angry. Just this once. Not at Bakugou, in particular, but at life. At his job. At his tendency to overwork himself so much for his dreams.

...which maybe did essentially extend to being pissed at him. But you knew he couldn’t help it! He was trying to be a pro hero, and you’d be damned if you’d stand in the way because of your petulant emotions! So you tried to hold it all in, gathering all your emotions up and squeezing them into a teeny tiny ball. You tried not to pester him too much, but he eventually started being less and less receptive even through texts, and you… didn’t know what to do anymore.

And… well… you ended up stewing in your thoughts for well over a week, rotating between being worried, mad, lonely, desperate - the whole nine yards. And that teeny ball just ended up growing… and growing… and growing… Until it eventually got to the point where you were a messy ball of emotions ready to burst. But you liked to think you handled them pretty well.

At least, until Bakugou came home early one day.

You were just folding some clothes, ruminating in your emotions and thoughts as you often tended to do when you weren’t busy studying. You were at an odd impasse where you were angry, understanding, and sad. They didn’t make up a good combination. You hadn’t heard the front door click open and shut. Nor the sounds of Bakugou shoving off his boots and tossing his bag to the side. Or the bedroom door creaking open. But you did feel the arms snake around your waist, a heated kiss pressed to the back of your neck.

To say you jumped would be an understatement.

“Jeez, Katsuki!” you nearly shrieked out as you flinched out of his hold, turning around abruptly to shoot him an annoyed glare. He raised an eyebrow at you, glancing down at your balled up fists that had one of your jeans held in them. “Don’t just sneak up on me like that, holy shit! I nearly had a heart attack!”

“Feelin’ a bit on edge, huh?” he hummed out as he watched you step away from him, folding up the jeans in your grasp before setting them down on the bed next to the other pairs of pants you’d folded.

“You could say that,” you murmured as you nimbly stepped around him as he tried to wrap an arm around you again. Ignoring the way he stared at you, you focused on putting away the folded clothes into their designated drawers. You were still trying to process the fact that he was here. He was home early for once, a rarity in itself. You were chewing on the emotions currently on your plate, though, unsure of what to digest. Eventually, you decided that being just a bit irritated was good enough.

“Is it school? Ya got finals, right?” Bakugou asked as he tried to step up closer to you again, only to have you dodge around him and make your way out of the bedroom. You could hear him following behind you like a lost, spiky puppy, but you made a point not to look at him for too long. You could still distinctly see the furrowed brows on his face as he stared at you so hard it was almost akin to a glare.

“Yeah,” you answered in a sort-of clipped voice. Part of you knew you were being a bit petty. He didn’t deserve this kind of relationship stress on top of whatever he was dealing with at work. But you couldn’t help it. You wanted him to know you weren’t pleased with what had been happening. Eventually, you’ll talk to him, but for now you’re content with letting him follow you around as you tended to the chores you’d accidentally let pile up. And if that was an excuse for you to figure out what to say to him, then, well, he didn’t need to know that.

He didn’t say much after that, instead just watching you carefully as you walked to and from the laundry machines to pick up and dump some loads in. You occasionally had to dodge by him, avoiding his touches like they were the plague. But he mostly just stood in the bedroom doorway, watching you fold the clothes with his arms crossed against his chest. He almost looked intimidating like that, with his solid build and sharp, crimson eyes. You knew Bakugou was not one to wait for long. Frankly, it surprised you that he went almost ten minutes without doing anything.

It wasn’t until you’d accidentally cornered yourself by the closet that he made his move.

You heard him before you felt him. The heavy steps he took behind you before something grasped your upper arm and turned you around. You barely had time to drop the hoodie in your hands, your back coming into contact gently with the wall next to the closet door. You glanced up at Bakugou, the way he practically trapped you against the wall. His eyes pierced through your own, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to dance your way out of this.

“You’re mad,” he stated gruffly, leaning down further so that you could just barely feel his hot breath on your forehead.

“I’m not mad,” you said in return, turning your head to the side so that you wouldn’t have to look up at him. It hurt your neck to do so, the difference in your heights stark with the way he had you pressed against the wall.

“Yeah you are,” he muttered as he leaned and pressed a kiss against your neck. You tried to ignore him, still staring out to the side as you tapped your foot against the ground to release some of the adrenaline that was suddenly rushing through your veins. You wanted nothing more than to just embrace him, sink into the hold you’d been craving ever since he started working more. But, well, you were also a tad bit stubborn. “Tell me.” He wasn’t asking, he was demanding.

“I’m not,” you instead insisted, breath hitching slightly as he turned his head to start pressing kisses along your jawline. You hunched your shoulders slightly, feeling the strands of his ash blond hair start to tickle your neck. You would not succumb..!

“Bullshit,” he breathed into your ear before you suddenly felt him grasp your cheeks with his hand, turning your head so that you could look up at him. You watched the way his hair framed his sharp face, admired his smooth skin and brilliant, brilliant eyes. He tilted his head down until his forehead pressed against yours and forced you to keep eye contact with him, your breaths mingling together in the small space that separated your mouths. “Talk to me.”

You simply stared at him for a bit longer, closing your eyes momentarily before opening them. “I’m not mad,” you whispered softly, feeling his hand move to rest on the dip of your hip. “Not really. I’m mostly worried,” you felt his eyebrows raise slightly, “about you. You work too hard, and I worry you’re not letting yourself rest.”

“I can handle myself,” he frowned, and you immediately knew he was starting to get a bit irked himself.

“I know, I know,” you rushed out before he could assume anything else. “But you need breaks, y’know? And I…” you trailed off for a moment, eyes averting from his own. “I miss you. A lot. I haven’t seen you in a month, Katsuki, and I missed…. us.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Bakugou asked quietly, his hand opposite hand moving so that it could cup the curve of your cheek, thumb brushing against it gently. You lifted your own hand to grasp at his wrist. As though if your hold were any looser, he would disappear again, out of your grip.

“I didn’t wanna bother you,” you admitted, leaning into his touch when he pressed your foreheads closer. “You’ve been working so hard, and you’ve been so busy… I’m not gonna stand in the way if it means you’re getting closer to becoming a pro.”

“You wouldn’t bother me,” he scoffed, making you scrunch up your nose when his breath puffed against your face. “What kinda fuckin’ hero would I be if I couldn’t balance my shitty schedule? I…” He swallowed slightly, his Adam's apple bobbing a bit. “I’ve been busy lately, yeah. I needed the money and the recognition. I didn’t mean for it to cut into our date time, or whatever. It kinda escaped me.” The hand on your hip slipped behind you to wrap around your back. “But I’m here now,” he said firmly, his nose rubbing against yours.

“Yeah,” you whispered, tilting your head up until you could just barely feel your lips brush against his own. You closed your eyes. “You are.”

With that, you pressed your lips together, feeling the way he sank down heavily into your embrace. He smelled like smoke and caramelized apples, along with a touch of lavender that you knew came from your own shampoo. He always liked using the brand you had, even if he would vehemently deny it every time you brought it up. He tasted like chocolate and cinnamon, likely from the protein bars he had stashed in his bag. He felt like a warm fire, encompassing you in your entirety, filling you with warmth until you felt woozy from the heat.

One, two, three, four, both your mouths parted and rejoined together as you desperately, desperately held each other. It had been too long since you’d been in each other’s presence. Being this close to him, you could easily feel yourself letting go of all the emotions that’d built up over the past month. Seeping away into nothingness. Five, six, seven, you eventually lost count of how many times you both went back for more. More, more, more, you couldn’t get enough of his intoxicating aroma. His hands wandered along your body, pressing you closer to him as though he could meld the both of you together.

“Fuck,” Bakugou growled after he fully parted from you, bending down slightly as his hands grasped at your thighs. You had but a moment’s notice before he hoisted you up, your back firmly pressed against the wall as you wrapped your legs around his waist. Then he dove right back in, your hands coming up to hold his face as he bit at your bottom lip.

From this position, you had to bend your head down slightly to be able to meet his lips. Your hair fell in curtains around the sides of your face, occasionally brushing against Bakugou’s cheeks and neck. His grip increased on your legs as you nipped back at his lips, a deep sort of rumble escaping his chest that seemed to seep into your own.

“Fuck,” he repeated as he broke away from you to start leaving hot kisses along your neck again that seemed to tingle in just the right way. You hummed as you moved a hand to grip at his hair, tugging it slightly. “I missed you so fucking much.”

“I know,” you replied as you felt him bite down slightly at the junction where your neck met your shoulder. You sighed out. “I know.”

You gasped slightly as you felt him take a step away from the wall, arms suddenly moving to wrap around his neck as he walked backwards until his legs hit the side of your shared bed. He promptly fell down onto it, an ‘oof’ escaping your lips as you found yourself laying on top of his waist, torsos still pressed together.

He murmured something as he rolled over until you were trapped underneath him again. The softness of the mattress underneath you contrasted heavily with the hardness of his chest. You gazed up at him with flushed cheeks, your lips throbbing slightly with how much he’d kissed you. You barely had time to let out an eloquent ‘huh?’ before he was diving back down to kiss the sensitive part of your neck. You could feel him smirk against your skin, his teeth nipping it gently as his hands roamed along your waist.

“I said I would make it up to you later, didn’t I?”

masterlist

u didnt hear it from me but baku was workin extra hours to buy u a 💍

[allyouneedisbuck]

Saturday Sun I

Summary: it’s the beginning of may. mother’s day has come and gone, with your family trip coming up and things are seemingly falling apart even more. you and harry are forced to come head to head with real issues. (harry x fem!reader)

Word Count: 1.3K (second part will be the longer piece) 

Warnings: Angst. Cheating. Find all in depth warnings in the first two parts. 

Notes: hello, part three is divided into two parts, this first one focusing on some conflict & the second part to it will focus more on family dynamic & light resolution. part of this piece has harry’s pov instead of entirely the readers. 

Part One & Two (along with a companion piece) can be found in my h.s masterlist! 

-

i need to ask her

what’s going on?

are we going strong?

May - Part I

It’s the Monday before your flight.

April had come and April had gone and you were still struggling to focus on anything but your kids and issues with Harry. You suppose that’s okay, your next deadline was months away and with the trip coming up all you could focus on were those things. 

Mother’s Day had slipped your mind completely. You were busy making lists and triple checking flight info to even think of asking the kids and Harry about their plans. 

“How was your weekend? Everything went well?” Dr. Walsh’s voice forces you to look up from the new watch that adorns your wrist. 

You glance at Harry, who waits for you to answer. You shrug. “It was nice… Harry and the kids treated me yesterday.” 

The watch is a beautiful rose gold color and is a thin band compared to the band of your last watch. Your kids initials had been engraved onto the inner band. It was, by all means, a lovely and well thought out gift. Not only replacing the watch you had worn for a decade and had finally snapped, but reminding of the best parts of your life. 

“Tell me about your day!” Dr. Walsh smiles kindly. Her eyes move between you and Harry, polite and u judging, before landing on your wrist.

“I got breakfast, at the table, breakfast in bed is too hectic with three kids and a baby.” You laugh softly, thinking of the kids and their not well hidden excitement for your day. “And they all got me gifts. The twins made clay handprints in school. Seph picked out a new wallet for me and even bought it on her own!” 

It’s impossible to contain your happiness that rolls off of you when you talk about the kids. Bragging about their thoughtfulness and kind gifts makes you almost forget where you are.

“That sounds so lovely.” Dr. Walsh brings you back down. Your eyes move to Harry. His eyes are open and he’s smiling softly as you speak. But his fingers are fidgeting in his lap and you know he had hoped you would be proud of his gift too. 

And you were. But maybe that was the worst part. That it was kind hearted and well thought out and so very Harry that you almost hated it. You hated how one small gift had caused a sliver of hope to crawl into your bloodstream and make your heart race for him again. 

That it made you believe, for one brief moment, all his promises and words about never falling out of love with you and never wanting to let you go. 

“Harry got me a watch too.” You finally say, quiet and full of despair. “Mine snapped a few weeks ago… It has the kids initials in it. It was a good day.” 

Dr. Walsh nods. “It’s a lovely watch.” Her eyes move pointedly from it on your wrist to you. “So what’s wrong?” 

You fiddle with it, twisting it on your wrist and tapping the face anxiously. “It feels tainted.” You steadily avoid looking at Harry as you say the words. Dr. Walsh nods, but doesn’t say anything, silently urging you to continue. “I love it. And that… makes me feel guilty. And it makes me feel dumb because one stupid gift made me forget this bullshit for a second and I just felt that love for him again.”

There’s an intake of breath to your right, but Dr. Walsh doesn’t look at all shocked by your words. “It makes sense. You want to be angry. You have a right to be angry and when something gets in the way of that, you’re unsure of how to feel.” 

You nod. Her words make sense. You did want to be angry and after your brief elation with the gift you found you still were. 

“I am going to feel like this for the rest of my life?” You whisper. 

She shakes her head. “No. One day, this anger will be gone. But… it’s up to you whether or not you can get there with each other. If you can forgive Harry and let go of the anger. Or not. Neither is wrong.” 

You nod. Sometimes these sessions felt like she was strictly talking to you. Harry just listened. Spoke up when you asked him to, or when Dr. Walsh worked on exercises. 

A part of you found that it helped. You were able to say things you may not have ever said to Harry. But sometimes it felt like he was unsure if he should try and that made you angrier. 

-

Harry’s hopes are built up and shattered. It’s his own fault, he knows it is. Knows that this was an easily fixable marriage before he fucked up. 

You’ve talked about the cheating a little in therapy. Dr. Walsh has mentioned it, you’ve let your anger out, Harry has apologized. It’s a cycle that seems never ending. He doesn’t know what to do. All he wants so desperately is to fucking fix it. 

But...

The drive has been silent. You stare out the window at cars and buildings that pass. There are bags in the truck rustling around, a last minute stop for last minute items needed for the trip. 

You had been silent in the store too. Quietly checking off your list as Harry pushed the cart behind you. Had his gift upset you this much? You still loving him made you this angry? 

“I… I don’t know what to do.” Harry finally says, forcing his voice to cut through the silence. You startle and turn to look at him. “Tell me what to do.” He pleads. 

He knows you can hear the desperation in his voice. Whether or not you were angry at him, you knew him, you knew his tells and his emotions. 

“What do you want me to say, H?” Your voice is a whisper but still harsh. “I don’t know! I don’t know what you can do! Build a time machine. Don’t cheat on me.” 

“It feels like we’re going in circles.” Harry tries to keep his calm. He wants to keep the anxiety and hurt out of his voice. “Like, you’re angry then you see this chance and there’s hope, then there’s anger again.” 

You scoff. “I’m sorry my pain isn’t linear enough for you! I’m sorry that sometimes I see glimpses of you and I’m reminded of us ten years ago, so in love and oblivious to the outside world. Sorry that it all comes crashing down when I remember that you fucking cheated on me!” 

Harry sighs and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. “I fucked up so bad. I know. I know. God, what can I do? Anything.” 

“Why did you do it?” You ask instead of answering. There’s a coldness in your words and Harry’s aware you’re both trapped in the car for another twenty minutes. So are you, apparently. “And don’t give me the same bullshit about being selfish and not knowing why and it being a mistake.” 

Harry feels desperation claw at his throat and tears burning in the corner of his eyes. It’s like he can’t breathe, trapped in a coffin of your anger and his guilt. He tries to keep his eyes focused on the road as he talks. “I… I felt wanted. I liked the attention.” 

There’s a sharp intake of breath, but Harry keeps his face forward and eyes focused. “Tell me what happened.” 

“Y/N…” Harry trails off. “I… I can’t.”

You groan and fall forward with your head in your hands. “I need to know, H. I don’t… I just need to know because all I can think about is these what if situations and scenarios in my head. And I’ll just keep running through them until I hate you.”

Harry bites down on his lip and spares a glance at you. “What if… What if I tell you and you hate me anyways?” The question is unfair. He knows it is. But he can’t fathom a world without you in it. A world where he sees you on drop off days and has to plan separate holidays. 

“I don’t know.” You say quietly. But, it feels like answer enough. There’s no reason for you not to leave. 

And Harry guesses a promise to try was never really a promise to stay. 

-

notes: thank you for the patience! i understand this piece is short, this part has been a lil tricky and i wanted to get the first part to may out before summer courses begun. i’m hoping i’m able to continue writing through them, but i will warn readers i am enrolled in two of the three week classes that have a lot of work and move quickly. so patience will be appreciated. i hope everyone is safe & healthy and has a wonderful end of school/university/spring! and congratulations to all the grads these next two months. i’m planning on ending this series with a total of five parts (march, april, may, june, july) w/ two endings.

tags (im tagging a couple ppl who messaged me awhile ago (after the last part), if u dont wanna be tagged anymore let me know! sorry!@alwaysclassyeagle @yourgoldengirls

if u wanna be tagged just message me & let me know if u want it for just this series or for all my h writing! ❤️

[hug-kankri]

I hope we can talk again..

Cronkri | Nerd/Dork Cronus | A very in love Kankri | Humanstuck | Familystuck | Sadstuck

*Note: In the beginning they are 7th graders.

『Pov Cronus Ampora』

You’re currently sitting in your local library, reading a book like the nerd you are. But someone is with you. A special someone that would make most people surprised that **you** a nerd has. That person is your delightful boyfriend, Kankri Vantas. He’s sitting next to you and holding your free hand that’s resting on the table while you continue to hold the book in your other hand. Keeping your head in the direction of the book you move your eyes to look at him. He’s just looking at his and your hand that are intertwined together and he looks so happy, blissful, and there’s a lot more adjectives that can explain how he looks right now. Oh gosh he’s so adorable you could kiss him. Wait no you can’t you’ll just screw it up again. Every time you try to kiss him you get all flustered and freeze up. One day, you’ll be able to kiss him without freezing up. Don’t lose hope me! You turn your focus on Kankri agai- wait what’s he doing!? You’re trying your best to not move your head to look at him then you hear a small kiss sound. He..he kissed your hand I- wait omg he’s looking at you! You quickly move your eyes in the direction of the book you’re “reading”. Oh god what do you do? Should I return the kiss? Wait I should it’s what a boyfriend would do in this type of situation..I think? You look at him and gently pulling your hand away from his so you can push up your glasses then kiss him, but while you do that he suddenly looks all sad and worried like he did something wrong. Now you feel bad. Better do this quick so he can stop looking so sad. You push up your glasses and turn to him. You quickly kiss him on the cheek and look back at your book. OMG YOU ACTUALLY KISSED HIM!!! Okay calm down and look cool. You move your eyes to look at him and ask “Yes? Do you need somefin?”. “I-I..uh...” he said. “Vwas that kiss to intimate for you? I’m sorry, I should have asked before hand.”. “N-n9! I mean..n9, n9t at all. Y9u just caught me 9ff guard.”. He’s blushing, it’s so cute. “That’s good to hear. I don’t vwant to make you uncomfortable.”. “W-well what are y9u reading?” he asks. “Vwell it’s about...actually I don’t know. I got distracted.”. “Cr9nus Amp9ra distracted? That’s certainly a first. What g9t y9u s9 distracted may I ask?”. You’ve watched rom coms, you can do this. “You”. I regret saying that. Why did I- wait he’s blushing again? “Cr9nus y9u’re s9 cute especially with that little flirty side.” he smiles and giggles. Never mind he found that cute! I bet I can say another one. “You know vwhat else is cute? You as vwell.” you smile at him. “I- thank y9u.” You nod and look at the time. “Oh vwe should get going.”. “It’s that late already? Time flys when y9u’re with s9me9ne y9u l9ve.” “Y-yeah.” you smile. Both of you get up from your seats and head for the exit while intertwining hands again.

『Timeskip to the front of Kankri’s house』

“I’ll see you on tomorrovw at school.”. “9f c9urse. See y9u t9m9rr9w.”. You turn to your right to start walking to your house, but then someone grabs your arm and pulls you down some then kisses your cheek. “I l♡ve y♡u! 6ye!!!” and he runs inside of his house and shuts the door. You hold your cheek and are blushing a lot. You start walking to your house with a smile on your face.

『Timeskip 2 years. It’s now we’re at their middle school graduation day(they graduate in 8th grade and they just had their graduation, so this happens after grad.)』

『Pov Kankri Vantas』

You just got home from getting ice cream with your father and little brother since you did just grade middle school. You go upstairs to your bedroom to take a shower. After that wonderful shower you sit on your bed and grab a pillow and hug it. You grab your phone and text your wonderful boyfriend.

♡Magic Enthusiast BF♡

You: Hi Cr9nus ^^

♡MEBF♡: Hey cutie pie! „;)

♡MEBF♡: Vwait ignore that emoticon. I’m sorry. That vwas wvery stupid of me.

You: It’s perfectly 9kay Cr9nus and y9u’re n9t stupid. I th9ught it was cute. c:

♡MEBF♡: Really..?

You: Yes! 9f c9urse I am. W9uld I lie?

♡MEBF♡: No, no you vwouldn’t.

♡MEBF♡: um..hey..

♡MEBF♡: Kan, I need to tell you something.

You: Mhm? There’s n9 need t9 6e scared/anxi9us a69ut. I’ll listen t9 whatever y9u have t9 say.

♡MEBF♡: Vwell for the vwhole summer me and my brother are going with our father for a business trip that is sadly happening ovwer the vwhole summer. I’m really sorry vwe aren’t going to able to hangout at all this summer.

9h. That’s rather very disapp9inting to hear, 6ut it’s alright. The 69th 9f y9u can always hang9ut next year since we are g9ing t9 the same high sch99l. We’ll get t9 see each 9ther everyday. Als9 this is a great 9pp9rtunity f9r y9u t9 hang 9ut with y9u’re little 6r9ther.

You: 9h it’s a6s9lutely alright Cr9nus. Y9u deserve t9 spend time with y9ur family. Plus we can hang9ut in and 9ut 9f sch99l t99 c:

♡MEBF♡: You’re right Kan. Still I’m sorry that vwe aren’t able to see each other this summer, but I promise the second I get back vwe’ll be together and for the next summer I’m staying vwith you no matter vwhat! ,,:D

You: Haha I can’t wait! c: and Cr9nus please d9 have fun. D9nt’t w9rry a69ut me. I’m alright with y9u g9ing. It’s n9t like y9u can c9ntr9l these types 9f things t9 happen.

♡MEBF♡: Oh god,,I lowve you so much Kanny. you hawve my heart. (“^▽^)っ♡

Thank you again for understanding and I can’t vwait until we get back from the trip. I just vwant you back in my arms. I hawve to go novw, vwe are about to leawve to go to the airport. Before you start asking wvhy im leaving at such an ungodly hour is because of my father. I’ll text you vwhen I get there! Here’s an until next time hug! (っ˘̩ᴗ˘̩)っ I lowve you tons, I’ll talk to you later my lowve.

You: ⊂(´∇｀)⊂ Hug! Aha y9u’re s9 cute. I can’t wait either and I h9pe Y9u have a safe trip my dear! 9f c9urse have fun as well! Try t9 get s9me rest while 9n the plane. It’s pretty late in the night! I l9ve y9u a l9t t99 and I’ll be awaiting y9ur messages! ('∀'●)♡ G99dnight h9ney.

『Fast forward to the last week of summer』

You are very excited about this week! You remember why correct? Well if you don’t remember this week Cronus is coming back from his father’s business trip! Oh you’re so excited to see him you could just cry. But there’s something that has been going on since about the beginning of summer vacation. Cronus slowly stopped messaging you. In the first month or so he’d text you everyday then slowly stopped texting you only to message you when you texted, but then he suddenly stopped messaging you all together. You’d still sent him ‘good morning’ and ‘goodnight’ texts. But hey! He was probably busy and was having fun with his family and you wouldn’t want to get in between that. Oh look at the time! You’re supposed to go to the store to pick up something’s for your father. You grab your phone, keys, and wallet. Now you are really to go to the store.

『At the store』

You finally make it to the store and grab a basket. You take out your phone to find the list of things you need and start getting the things you need. You’re nearly done when you spot a familiar looking little boy. Eridan? Is that him? No way it is him! That means Cronus..!!! Wait why hasn’t he texted me yet? Oh who cares he’s back! You walk over to Eridan who seems to be alone standing in the check out line. “Hell9 Eridan. It’s w9nderful t9 see y9u! c:

h9w have y9u’ve 6een?”. The little boy freaks out for second and turns around to look at you. He then sighs when he realizes it’s just you. “Kankriiiiiii howw dare you sneak up on me?!?! >:(“ he says. You apologize and you both start talking about how the summer for the both of you went. “Say Eridan when did y9u and y9ur family get 6ack?”. “Oh wwe got back just this wweek. You didn’t knoww? Didn’t Cronus tell you?”. Now you’re confused. On the day Cronus left he promised to tell you the second he’s back and he didn’t...wait Kankri, he’s probably tired and has to unpack everything. Poor guy, it’s better if I don’t question him. “I was n9t made aware 9f this, 6ut that’s alright! I sh9uld get g9ing n9w. 6ye6ye Eri! Say Hi t9 y9ur dad and Cr9nus f9r me please!”. After he responds you leave the store heading back to your house.

『Fast forward to after dinner and shower』

You just finished showered and changing into your nice pjs. You go over to your bed which has a cute cat plush on top of it that Cronus got for you. Cronus is so adorable and nice. You’re so lucky to have him. You go turn off the lights and use your phones light to see your bed. You get to you bed and you get into it. You hug and snuggle the plush and you go to text Cronus.

___♡Magic Enthusiast BF♡___

You: Hi h9ney. I saw Eridan at the st9re t9day and he said y9u’re 6ack fr9m the trip. I’m sure y9u’re tired s9 I’ll just say this real quick. I h9pe y9u had a g99d time. I missed y9u a l9t and I’m s9 glad y9u are 6ack! c: N9w I say g99dnight my dear.

You charge your phone and turn it off. You hug the plush once more and pull your blanket up more to cover more of you. You think about how excited you are to see him and that you’ll finally give him a kiss that he deserves. You’ve been per say shy about kissing on the lips, but you know what. You’re gonna try! You love him and he deserves it. After that thought you start to fall asleep.

♡Magic Enthusiast BF♡

♡MEBF♡ ᴿᴱᴬᴰ

『Fast forward half way into the school year』

He hasn’t texted or called you. You’ve seen him around school and he’s completely different. He has a new look, new friends, and new personality. He isn’t that same guy you knew before, but you’re absolutely sure he’s just busy. High school isn’t easy and plus he has all his new friends too! He’ll call or text soon you just know it! He wouldn’t lie to you. Especially he wouldn’t break a promise. He hates breaking promises. Gosh,,that’s another reason you love him. Oh shoot look at the time you must be going on to class!

『Fast forward (once again) to after school and it’s about 4:30』

You finish your homework even though you had the weekend to finish it all, but it’s not like you’re doing anything so let your weekend be free. Suddenly your phone starts ringing. You’re getting a call. You pick up your phone and look who’s calling..oh my god it’s him. You pick up immediately!

On call with ♡Magic Enthusiast BF♡

You: h-hi! Cr9nus I’ve missed y9u s9 s9 much!

♡MEBF♡: Hey chief. I’wve missed you too aha. Sorry for not texting ya or calling I’wve been busy.

You: 9h Cr9nus that’s 9kay! I c9mpletely understand. Besides that h9w have y9u’ve 6een? It’s 6een s9 l9ng since I’ve heard y9ur v9ice it seems surreal!

♡MEBF♡: aha yeah..I’wve been fine. I have some new pals and stuff...hey Kan I knovw vwe hawven’t been able to go on a date in a long time, but today is a day I’m free and I vwanted to ask if you vwanted to go on a date?

You: ......9h yes yes yes! :D I’d l9ve t9 g9 9n a date! 9h g9sh it’s 6e s9 l9ng,,

♡MEBF♡: haha yeah I knovw and thanks for expecting my date offer babe! I’ll pick you up at 7?

You: ,,,mhm!! 7 is perfect! I cant wait t9 see y9u then! I l♡ve y♡u!!!

♡MEBF♡: Okay, cool. I’ll see you then...love you too

You end the call and now you’re just freaking out, but in a good way of course. You’re going on a date with your boyfriend after so long! He also called you babe,,,switch makes your heart flutter. Now!!!! Time to get ready! You need to look your best! This is the first date after so so long! You head to your bathroom to shower.

『After Kankri finishes getting ready』

You look at yourself in the mirror. You think you look amazing. Your hair and outfit are nice. You look at your freckles the are all over your face. You wish you didn’t have them. People always make fun of you for them..wait Cronus loves them,,so maybe you should start loving them too. You leave your bathroom and go over to your nightstand to grab your phone. You look at the time and it’s 6:45. He should be here soon! You’re getting even more excited! You look out of the window to hopefully see if he came early, but then you got a phone a call. It’s Cronus. You pick up.

On call with ♡Magic Enthusiast BF♡

You: Hi Cr9. Are y9u alm9st here? c:

♡MEBF♡: Hey Kan. I’m not exactly there yet..or even on the vway..I’m so sorry but something important came up and I can’t get out it. I’m really sorry.

You: ........

♡MEBF♡: Kan..?....You there?

ᴬ ᵛᴼᴵᶜᴱ ᶜᴼᴹᴵᴺᴳ ᶠᴿᴼᴹ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴮᴬᶜᴷᴳᴿᴼᵁᴺᴰ: ᴴᴱᵞ! ᶜᴿᴼᴺᵁˢ! ᴳᴱᵀ ᴵᴺˢᴵᴰᴱ! ᴵᵀˢ ᴾᴬᴿᵀᵞ ᵀᴵᴹᴱ!

You: ....yes I am..it’s..9kay..! Y9u d9 what y9u need t9 d9!...y9u have stuff t9 d9 and that’s 9kay. I’ll see y9u later?...

♡MEBF♡: uh huh vwhat? uh yea sure vwhatewver. I gotta go bye!

He hangs up on you. You’re currently frozen in place. You know what you heard. He’s at some party. You start crying hysterically throwing your phone onto your bed. You lean against the wall and slide down it. You have your hands over your eyes still crying your eyes out and your hands are resting on your knees. You can’t believe he lied..he broke a promise. You start to think over everything. Did he really love you back in 7th grade? Was that a lie too..was everything a huge lie?.....

“yeah..it was...I fell into his trap. I fell in l♡ve with him..”

[hermannsthumb]

Hello!! If you're not too busy and are so inclined, could you do 24, 27, 37 for the fall prompts? For Newt and Hermann o b v i o u s l y. Thank u so so much!! Keep up the great work xoxo

24. Warm Sweaters + 37. Cold

from autumn fic prompts here

im cheating a LITTLE and not filling the “27. corn maze” part because I wrote it last year and im def not inspired enough to do another HAHA. and also...because I want to work towards finishing my @theloccent bingo card belatedly with Spooning and Huddling for Warmth. SORRY I TOOK SO LONG, ive had a weird summer and i just moved/started grad school last week, it hasn't been very conducive for writing. set ambiguously before they're transferred to the HK shatterdome

----------

“I must say, Newton,” Hermann says, “I believe I sorely underestimated your abilities.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Newt says, gloomily.

“You went above and beyond what I expected.”

“I get it,” Newt says.

“It takes a true sort of talent to screw things up as much as you have.”

“I get it,” Newt says.

Hermann is not smirking--he’s too angry right now for that--but he does have a somewhat unpleasant curl to his mouth that’s making Newt boil hot with embarrassment all the same. Sort of a sneer, maybe. “I get it,” Newt says for the third time. “I’m a fuck-up, I’m a walking disaster, I--” He kicks the front of the rental car hard with the end of his boot, relishing in the dull thud that echoes from it, and less in the dull pain. “--can’t even figure out how to patch a fucking tire.”

“Or drive,” Hermann offers, helpfully. “You can’t drive, either.”

“Neither can you, Mr. Speed Demon,” Newt shoots back, but he knows it falls flat. After all--when their connecting flight got cancelled, Hermann wasn't the one who insisted they leave the relative safety of the airport to peel out into a snowstorm in search of a hotel. Hermann wasn’t the one who insisted on driving the rental. Hermann isn’t the one who got them lost down some shitty little road in the middle of nowhere, with snow piling up all around them, and he definitely isn’t the one who got distracted behind the wheel trying to adjust the radio and didn't see a patch of ice in time and sent the car--well. The point is, they’re down two tires, probably an engine, most definitely their only mode of transportation, and sure as hell aren’t near any hotel.

Around them is snow as far as the eye can see. When they get home (and that’s if they ever make it back to the airport), Newt is requesting a transfer to the LA Shatterdome ASAP. “Well, Newton?” Hermann says. He’s bundled up in his stupid parka and more scarves than Newt even owns. Newt can barely see his face. “What’s your next brilliant plan? Build an igloo?”

Not a bad idea, at this rate; the snow is no joke. “I’m thinking,” Newt grumbles. His breath puffs out white in front of him. “Tow truck,” he says. “We need a tow truck.”

“Astute,” Hermann says.

Newt ignores him and pulls his cell phone from his pocket. No bars. Right, of course, middle of fucking nowhere. “Do you have any reception?” Newt sighs.

“I didn’t bring my mobile,” Hermann says.

Newt’s eyes snap up to fix on him incredulously. “You didn’t bring--?! What the hell, man?”

“I had no need for it on the trip,” Hermann says. “We’re meant to be at a conference. I didn't think we’d get lost.” He doesn’t even have the audacity to look ashamed. Newt debates hurling his cell phone into the snow bank in frustration, but decides against it, because it did kind of cost a lot.

“Unbelievable,” he says instead. “Fucking unbelievable. Fine. Let’s go find--”

“You’re not saying we ought to walk somewhere?” Hermann interrupts.

“What other options do we have?” Newt says. “Freeze to death? There’s gotta be at least a gas station or something nearby--I could find someone to tow the car, while you--” He looks Hermann up and down, from his oversized Oxfords to his twenty scarves to his pathetic red cheeks. Hermann’s leg gets stiff as hell in the cold; there’s no way he’d be able to make any kind of distance right now, and who knows how long they’d be walking. There’s also no way Newt’s leaving him behind. “Come on,” he finally sighs, and touches Hermann’s elbow tentatively. “Let’s just get back in the car. It’s warmer in there.”

Maybe he’ll go off by himself once the snow stops. Or maybe, if they’re lucky, someone will stop by and offer them a ride before that. “Only barely,” Hermann says with a scowl, but he obliges.

Newt doesn’t get back in the car right away, though. Instead, he pops the trunk, pulls out their duffel bags, and begins feeling around the backseat. They’ve only had the rental for a few hours, and Newt isn’t exactly the most skilled around cars, but he thinks... “What are you doing back there?” Hermann says.

“One sec,” Newt says, and when he tugs a little lever off to the side, the seats fold down. Another tug, and they fold back into the trunk, leaving the back half of the car entirely flat. “Oh, awesome!”

"Newton?”

Newt ignores Hermann and begins digging around in their duffel bags. He has nothing but a few spare sweatshirts and boxers in his own; Hermann’s proves far more promising. “Score,” Newt whistles, and pulls out two--three--four ugly sweaters. “Holy shit, dude, we were only supposed to be there for a night. Why’d you pack so much?”

“I like to be prepared,” Hermann says. “Which you clearly know nothing about. Hang on--” He cranes his neck around his seat headrest to frown at Newt. “Why are you--?”

“You’re a regular Boy Scout,” Newt interrupts. He climbs into the back of the car, kicks his boots a few times against the back fender to knock off all the snow, and shuts the trunk behind him. “Come on,” he says, unlacing his boots, “get back here already. I’m cold.”

Hermann stares at him.

Newt shucks off his leather jacket and pulls one of Hermann’s sweater over his head instead. It’s insane how much of a difference it makes--maybe Hermann has been on something all these years when he tells Newt he needs proper winter wear or whatever the fuck. He pulls on a second one for good measure, pleasantly surprised to find he can still move his arms, and then pulls on a second pair of his socks over his first. “C’mon, Hermann,” he says. “Time to share some body heat, dude.”

Hermann grumbles, and he shakes his head, and he tucks the hood of his parka down over his face (like being unable to see Newt means Newt will just magically forget he’s there), and then--finally--he turns back to face Newt again. “This is ridiculous,” he declares. “We must have other options.”

Newt lays down and stretches out on his side, blinking up at Hermann coyly. “You’re making it weird for no reason,” he says. “It doesn’t have to be weird, you know.” It can be perfectly natural--two dudes, who sometimes fight, and sometimes do things a little more amorous than fight, sharing body heat. That's all. “It’s just biology. Cats do it, penguins do it--”

“No,” Hermann says.

He comes to the backseat anyway. Newt likes to think it’s because he’s too irresistible.

“I call being big spoon,” Newt says happily, and he tucks himself around Hermann’s bony--and, at the moment, puffy--back before Hermann can protest. One leg, he nudges between Hermann’s, making sure not to put any weight where he shouldn’t; he settles the arm wrapped around Hermann at his waist, splaying his hand somewhere around Hermann’s upper abdomen. “There. Isn’t that nice?”

“Hmph,” Hermann says.

Outside, the storm rages on around them, snow piling up on the windows and frosting them over where it hasn’t landed yet. The last dregs of the heat in the car die out. Newt tucks himself a little closer to Hermann, inhaling his shampoo, the slight damp scent his fuzzy parka hood always has. Hasn’t the guy ever heard of dry-cleaning? “Feeling cozy?” Newt mumbles.

“You’re shivering,” Hermann tells him.

“Am I?” Newt says.

He is. Huh. Hermann turns over with a grunt, then unzips his parka and tucks Newt into it in one fluid motion. Newt winds his arms around Hermann instinctively. “There we are,” Hermann murmurs. “Let’s get you warm.”

The zipper goes back up with some difficulty, pressing Newt so tight against Hermann’s chest he can barely move. Hermann’s chin bumps his forehead. Newt looks up to find his wide mouth parted slightly. “I think I want to kiss you,” Newt says, surprising himself.

“Hm?” Hermann says.

“I want to kiss you,” Newt repeats a little louder, and that gets a reaction--Hermann’s eyebrows leap to his sweaty bangs, and his whole body stiffens. “Listen--listen. Uh. The best way to share body heat--you know--it’s stuff like that. Kissing, and--”

“I am not having sex with you in the back of a bloody rental car,” Hermann half-shouts. 

Newt wriggles around a little until he can steal an uncoordinated kiss from Hermann, landing it somewhere to the left of his mouth. He has better aim with his next one. “I won’t tell anyone if you don't,” he promises.

“We are not,” Hermann says, but the next kiss, he instigates himself.

They’re rescued half an hour later when a local knocks on the window and asks if they need a lift; the bed and breakfast Newt was so sure he was leading them to, as it turns out, is only a five minute walk away, hidden from view by some trees and the snow. “At least we had some fun bonding time,” Newt tells Hermann sheepishly in the lobby.

Hermann scowls, but to Newt’s delight, requests a single queen for them both.

[shredmytapestry]

{ froy gutierrez ♔ twenty five ♔ he/him } well, well, well if it isn’t dorian chez running around peach hollow. legend has it, they come from tangerine towers and have lived here for two months. if you’re wondering what they’ve been up to, i hear they’re a stripper/dancer at cloud nine club for a living. they have been known to be quiet yet loyal. a word of advice to them, always look over your shoulder. you never know who is watching. 

triggers: abusive parents (mention, not in depth), homophobia (mention)

backstory i guess

good day my name is mar and i’m just not known for good intros but alas

so this is my small child dorian who i have never played before! he’s kinda a mashup of a few characters and completely original on his own.

he grew up in a small town in michigan with a mother who left him alone with his ab*sive father. 

long story short, he was caught making out with a boy when he was 13 and his life has been extra shitty since then

early on he learned to stay quiet and so because of this nature, talking only when spoken to 

his father was a violent man and he was a small boy so he also got very good at hiding things with makeup

after high school he didn’t attend university because his father said no and dorian just did what the man wanted so he worked a string of low paying jobs

he had strict curfews even as an adult and he just never told anyone or tried to leave because he was emotionally manipulated into loving his father so things were hard 

eventually just shy of his 24th birthday, dorian decided enough was enough and he packed a bag, took his blind, malnourished little kitten and ran away from town with his best friend, julian (hi ana) 

the two were on the run finding the perfect town for a couple of months until they landed in peach hollow and now dorian feels like he can be free to be himself here

currently/wc

he never had post grad education and in a lot of ways he felt held back from everything. he managed to get a job as a stripper at the local club and honestly... it’s his time to shine and be a little slut because it’s everything he couldn’t be when he was oppressed 

he’s gay af i didn’t know where to shove this in LMAO

along with being a stripper he does some on the DL escort business so his relationship with sex isn’t the greatest but the money is so good he has no regrets

will always volunteer to work bachelor parties / anything at all that tips well 

he’s pretty quiet still but he’s getting to be sure of himself and stands up for himself now. won’t let someone use him or speak over him 

he’s such a nice guy and gets social burn out fast so sometimes just sitting next to someone is more than enough ~

will always try to please people tbh 

reallly reallllllly wants to make friends but he’s so shy that it’s hard 

def won’t talk about his past life and if he’s pressed he’ll start making up lies 

has always wondered about going to uni to find his passions but he doesn’t know it :c he’ll be really curious about everyone’s careers tho 

wc - 

clients at the club coworkers, friends he’s made on a whim when he tried to talk to someone

anyone that got off on the wrong foot and maybe it lowkey spiraled

i have other ideas IM JUST TIRED RN BUT LIKE <3 I’LL PLOT THINGS OUT WITH U PROPERLY I PROMISE

[sarasfm]

Sarauniya “ Sara ” Davies, 24, pansexual, cisfemale, ISFP Enneagram 9w1; Pisces sun, Sagittarius moon, Pisces rising 1st year Advanced Encryption Major; did not go to a spy prep hs

Imma keep it real with you, chief, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. I mean, obviously, I know what espionage is ; I’ve read books and articles, and I’ve seen Spy Kids and all the Charlies Angels and James Bond movies, but I genuinely think I need a minute to wrap my head around everything. Make that two weeks, because what’s this I hear about two murders ?  I literally just got sent here to be safe, I — I’m sorry, I’m freaking out. Give me five seconds, and we can start again, because I promise I can totally pretend this is all normal. @gallagherintro​

full name: sarauniya “ sara ” davies

dormitory room: 105

birthday: 20 march 1995

soundtrack: “ go gina ” by sza

favorite dish: efo riro

aesthetic:  when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of light reflecting from her earrings, eyeglasses perched on top of her head, and a caviar iphone always in her hands

Bio Points

her mom’s a nigerian baddie billionaire & her dad’s a soft academic brit

she grew up between london and abuja where their family’s business is based. it’s a trading enterprise, the largest industrial conglomerate in sub-saharan africa

she’s the eldest of three siblings, was raised to be prim & proper and groomed to run their family’s business. her family’s not pushy though and they’re really cool. very healthy dynamic so she doesn’t mind ; she loves her fam and would do it w a smile !

Coding is her Passion though. total dork. stayed up all the time just sleuthing and being an internet geek since she was a youngin’

loves education and is the type who would willingly stay in school to learn. has a degree in economics from harvard and was almost done with her mba when her littlest sister got abducted !  was it about business ? money ? who knows ! the sister’s fine now but her family sure is Scared especially since sara’s alone in the big bad united states

her mom made some calls and went “ gimbiya, look, u aint safe n we sorry. we’ll work something out to make sure u get ur mba degree somehow but shit is wild so we gotta get u somewhere near that’s safe asap. u like studying & ur a geek with computers right ? cool beans, go back to school & welcome to gallagher, babe ”

she enters gallagher in the middle of the spring semester very overwhelmed & inwardly ignoring how unhappy she is about having to be here bc she is not & does not want to be a spy. she just tryna distract herself by looking at this entire thing as a weird vacation where she can do stuff she wasn’t able to before because it’s literally detached from the world. she is mostly probably in way over her head, but let’s see ! 

Other Information

Nicknames: Sara (to everyone), gimbiya (to family, means princess in Hausa)

Languages: English (native), Hausa (native), Arabic (C1), French (B2)

Strengths: is money a strength ? also coding. and being the sweetest. and a general smartypants but that’s in a university setting & gallagher probably doesnt give a fuck

Relationship History: only has one (1) experience. ( well,,, 2 if a three-second drunken kiss w kass counts ) his name’s royce and they’ve known each other since their bougie secondary school back in britain. started dating at sixteen and went to harvard together. they’re long term as fuck. he’s like her best friend and their families adore the couple & each other. got engaged last september and sara broke it off before leaving for gallagher, oof. she deadass milked the opportunity but lbr she wasnt rlly Feeling It so she’s kinda glad for the ‘valid reason’ to appear bc it rlly wasn’t Love for sara so boy bye

Physical appearance: 1.76m, 55kg, long black hair, slim and toned build

Classes: GEN 105, GEN 206, AE 101, AT 101, PE 101

Personality

the sweetest. v charming & sensitive to others & curious about things. enthusiastic too ! loves adventures & is very passionate. queen of empathy. 

she’s not stuck up even tho she loaded. she doesnt rlly talk abt her family having 12B or the fact that she’s an ivy league girl, bc she’s just generally very uwu 

easily stressed and flustered and overwhelmed ! man, gallagher’s gonna shook this goddamn academic dork to her core for the love of god someone pls get the aed ready

rlly fun !!! can be a lil unpredictable bc it b lyk dat for rich girls. loves her independence which she hasn’t maximized bc of her ex fiancé & responsibilities but it’s chill so chill totally chill, no ounce of further longing exists in the crevices of this girl’s heart

she is so not good with confrontation and is so allergic to conflict ok. she will sweep discomfort under a rug and lie on it ‘til it’s flat which makes her a queen of repression & conforming

is she easily overwhelmed & stressed ? yes, but she’ll try not to show it so much. it’s all mostly an internal monologue so don’t underestimate her pls. she’s v smart and competent. can be so competitive ( albeit mostly inwardly ) and a boss ass business bitch like her business momma bc that’s what she’s been training for altho she is still generally a soft bab so ... yeah, if u would be so kind as to Estimate her, that’d be grand

she needs to always be on top of her game. maybe not the best in the class, but definitely pushes herself to be her best, so a lot of late nights studying & won’t settle for bad grades ever. gonna be rough in gallagher bc she is not spy material ok, she’s just a pretty rich geek behind a computer

just imagine her as the nice girl in ur ap classes who’s a lil awkward & just so happens to be super hot & stinking rich

Fun Facts

has a six-month old rescue pup named sooty ! who kinda looks like a sheparnese

has a tendency to ramble if she’s comfy w u enough or mayhaps if it’s too much man 

is v diligent w keeping a journal & does it everyday 

likes to dance ! not super good but she likes it. hits da clubs for dat shit 

is a lil instagram famous bc she’s a gorgeous rich harvard girl & all that jazz. queen of selfies & of looking hot but doesn’t actually get to play around rip ffff 

doesn’t drink much bc she is an extreme lightweight and 2 is her tap out limit

if she’s had more than 2 drinks, she is Very Honest but still very ramble-y 

she is physically active but mostly just runs and does yoga. knows very basic self-defense. is not sporty, definitely not a fighter, may god have mercy on her soul

isnt a virgin but is not sexually experienced lmao lbr she kinda Itching to get out there 

don’t ask me what her accent is because i have no clue it’s all over the place

Established Connections — just bc i think y’all would like to know

kassandra sutton — internet friends ! loves kass to bits. have known each other since sara was 14. when kass was 18, sara took her on a grad trip to montreal and became a lil lowkey into her. doesn’t help that kass drunk kissed her & doesn’t remember lmfao. poor sara told her then-bf & they had a lil fight but they made up bc sara didn’t talk to kass for months. eventually they became friends again & now sara’s in gallagher w no idea that kass is a mf sutton & honestly, my girl is just very shook w everything 

Possible Connections

crushes — she does not know how to flirt. she is ,,,, p pathetic tbh but a real heckin cutie. will be super nice to ur bab ok  

flirtationships — sara and i r gonna continue to keep it real w u chieves, her ex fiancé royce was vanilla and bland as fuck. can u believe she has not been single in a decade ? ? someone give her love & attention & fluster this soft innocent child. get her Experienced but also dont hurt her

enemies/angst !!! —  or maybe do ! maybe hurt her. maybe obliterate her. maybe smash her poor heart to pieces, because tbh i would love that.  so someone pls for the love all things holy and divine, someone hurt her !!!!

fwb — probably just one (1) bc she’s still a romantic ? and she’s probably gonna want something exclusive even if it’s no strings attached and will surely want to ,.,. get to know them a little bit more first ,,, at least ideally , idk , maybe impulse & thirst gets the better of her one of these days who knows lets find out !

friends !!! — sara will love u ok. she may be a lil easily flustered but she’s doesn’t rlly give up on ppl quickly. as i’ve said, queen of empathy. probs feels v sorry for majority of the gallagher & georgetown kids bc, .,.,., this environment just screams highkey Trauma to her and she’s valid bc she’s right

mentors !!! — she hates feeling dumb ok she Always has to be on top of her game, so u can bet ur ass after her first meetings in her classes she goes to ppl going “ hey could u help me out w working out ? boxing ? firing a gun ? literally everything & anything ? ”   

anything & everything — meaning just come @ me & let’s talk about it uwu 

( did i just create georgina’s antithesis ? fuck yes, and i am sooo excited to have a child that’s not always plotting & scheming & being mean like y’all have no idea ;_; nywy, that was long bc shutting up and brevity are things i do not possess. whats up it’s ur og flower garden girl rose here aka bugleweed aka fiancée of many and lover of all, and i am open to anything and everything ! just drop an IM or hit dat like & ill slide in ur dmz w love, plots & sanitized hands x )

[softyoongiionly]

Fear and Dumplings: Chapter Six

Confronting your fears for a final grade sounds unappealing but, with Yoongi as your partner, things might not be so bad.

Summary: You’re in your final semester at University when your Abnormal Psychology professor assigns you a partnered project surrounding your greatest fears. Lucky for you, your partner just so happens to be a cute boy named Min Yoongi.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Genre: College Au, Underground Rapper! Yoongi, Soft!!! Yoongi, Fluff!!!, some moderate angst (later), smut (later later),  slow-ish? burn

Word Count: 5.1K

A/N: I’m literally on fire after writing this chapter lol. I hope you like it!😊

Warnings for this Chapter: mentions of fear, anxiety, sadness, some angst aka Jimin is an insecure boy who is unaware that he is literaly heaven on earth, swearing, suggestive situations/concepts, if you squint really hard you can see the beginnings of smut.

Warnings for the Fic: mentions characters confronting their fears, characters in uncomfortable situations, emotional moments between characters, mentions of bad parenting, explicit language throughout the fic, moderate angst, and very explicit smut later in the story.

Chapter 6: Doubt and Shadow Demons

You’re lying on your bed in one of your many baggy t-shirts, smiling like an idiot at your phone. Jimin had sent you screenshots of what he believed to be Yoongi’s twitter. If Jimin wasn’t aiming to be a dancer, you would have suggested a career as a private investigator because,  he could literally find anyone. You hadn’t asked Jimin to go looking for more information on Yoongi but, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t interested. His Twitter was mostly black, no bio and, no location but, the avatar was a picture of Yoongi wearing headphones, his newly blonde hair disheveled as he smiled at the camera. He really had no business being that cute. ‘@agustd93’ was his handle and you furrowed your brows in confusion as you tried to decipher what it could mean.  Yoongi didn’t seem to tweet much, he just retweeted a lot of music equipment accounts however, there were a few scattered tweets here and there that made you laugh.

“Roommates are drunk, again. They can’t hold their alcohol for shit.”

“Update: Drunk Hobi is obsessed with my cheeks and, I swear if he pinches them one more time, I’m going to cut his hands off.”

“Another Update: Joon just started crying after explaining to me that, “we are all just little flowers in the garden of life, trying to find our bees.” What the fuck does that even mean?”

You giggle, shaking your head, your thumb scrolling down to search for more tweets. There were more scattered between retweets of what you assumed to be the latest music equipment as Yoongi quoted some of the them with captions like ‘Dream Studio’ and ‘if only I wasn’t broke.’ You kept scrolling before coming across a tweet that made your stomach flutter.

‘Where? Everywhere.’

Fuck. He tweeted that last night. After you and Yoongi got off the Ferris Wheel, you actually ended up having a pretty decent time. The two of you got dinner at the park and wrote your experiences down in your research journals. Yoongi acted like the conversation on the Ferris Wheel never happened but, he seemed to warm up to you more and more as the night progressed. But still, nothing flirty occurred between the two of you and, Yoongi was very careful not to get too close to you. The whole thing was very confusing, one minute, Yoongi’s admitting that he would kiss you ‘everywhere, if you let him’ and, the next minute he’s treating you like he normally did. This tweet was sent at 11:30 which would have been around the time he got back to his place. Maybe it wasn’t about you, Yoongi seemed to have a habit of being vague and, he easily could have been talking about something else but, none the less, it made your heart skip a beat.

Did you like Yoongi? More importantly, did it matter? You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of your complicated thoughts as you rolled out of bed. Marzipan throws a complaint your way as you walk past her lounging at the end of the mattress. Normally, you would be out at your favorite crepe café gossiping with Jimin over some iced coffee but, Jimin had texted you the night before saying that his showcase rehearsal was running late and he didn’t think he’d get any sleep if he met up with you. You had of course met this with an abundance of understanding as you knew better than anyone how hard Jimin had been working at his showcase routine. So, instead of meeting up with your best friend, you planned on working on your final paper for your International Relations course. You had been working on it all semester and, felt accomplished that for once, you didn’t procrastinate. Green tea was essential for today’s writing session so; you brewed a decent sized pot before, continuing your paper. Marzipan eventually made her way out into your living room, opting to sprawl out on the couch, claiming her space as usual.

After writing for some time, you glance at the clock at the bottom of your laptop and your eyes widen. Shit. You had been writing for 4 hours. How was it possible that much time had passed? You had gotten a lot done, adding an additional 6-7 pages to the giant that was your final paper. Just after leaning back in your chair and stretching your limbs, your phone lights up with a text message.

BROS 4 LYFE (Jungkook): I miss the squad tho.

You giggle at the message, your heart warming as you reply.

BROS 4 LYFE: me too tho :/

BROS 4 LYFE (Taehyung): me 3 tho :/ :/

BROS 4 LYFE (Jimin): MY BABIES :( i miss u guys.

A hint of sadness plucks at your chest as you read the messages being sent in by your friends. You had made new friends in school and, college had been an overall fun time but, you had to admit that you never stopped missing having all three of your bestfriends in one place. The past four years hadn’t been the same without them and you couldn’t wait til the four of you graduated so, that you could finally have your group back together again. Jungkook had been drafted to play pro ball on a minor league team in your current city and, Taehyung had made the decision earlier in the semester to pursue his masters in art history at the school you and Jimin were currently attending. This meant that in a few short weeks, everything would back to normal for a little while.

BROS 4 LYFE: only a few more weeks my dudes, we got this.

BROS 4 LYFE (Jungkook) stay on that grind squad, college grad hours are about to be open.

BROS 4 LYFE (Jimin): kookie and tae, will you be here for my showcase? It’s two weeks before graduation.

BROS 4 LYFE (Taehyung): duh. We wouldn’t miss it for the world Jiminie.

BROS 4 LYFE (Jungkook): yea we would never miss a chance to see the world’s shortest ballerina.

Your eyes widen as you laugh, already imagining Jimin igniting in fury when he reads the message. His reply comes before you are able to chime in.

BROS 4 LYFE (Jimin): YAH! IM NOT A BALLERINA!

BROS 4 LYFE (Jimin): I AM A CONTEMPORARY DANCER.

BROS 4 LYFE (Jimin): THE CHAMPION CONTEMPORARY DANCER

BROS 4 LYFE (Jimin): THREE YEARS RUNNING THANKYOUVERYMUCH

At this point you’re in a full blown laughing fit, shaking your head as your fiery best friend pops off in the chat.

BROS 4 LYFE:  go best friend, that’s my best friend.

BROS 4 LYFE (Taehyung): let the record show that Kookie bought 12 of the limited edition Jimin shirts that your school sold after he won the championships.

BROS 4 LYFE (Jungkook): YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN’T TELL

BROS 4 LYFE (Jimin): >:)

BROS 4 LYFE (Jimin): love u kookie

BROS 4 LYFE (Jungkook): …love u too…

The responses eventually dwindle down and, you decide to hop in the shower to tend to the mop of hair that was growing slightly greasy on your head. Afterwards, you throw on a cozy sweatshirt and your favorite pair of fuzzy pajama shorts and, settle on the couch to watch some Netflix. You hadn’t had a night in to yourself in a long time and, it felt amazing to be able to sit around and, do nothing.  Marzipan made her way up your body before, snuggling up in the free space between you and the edge of the couch. As your fingers absentmindedly stroke her fur, you feel your lids becoming heavier and heavier and, finally, you drift off into a much needed nap.

Needless to say, the nap turned into you passing out around 7:30 and, sleeping through the night until, finally, you awake to the ethereal sound of the never-ending city construction. You grumble as you pull the covers over your head to drown out the noise causing Marzipan, who clearly hadn’t left her spot all night, to flee from the couch.  Checking your phone, you noticed a few messages from your group-chat and a snapchat or two from some of your other friends. After responding to the majority of your missed messages, you drag yourself off of the couch and into the kitchen to make some coffee. The microwave displayed the current time: 7:45am; an unholy time to be awake on a Saturday morning. The coffee was finishing up before a loud knock at your door caused you to jump out of your skin. Who the hell was at your house at 7:45 in the morning? You gingerly made your way to the door, hoping that it was just someone from maintenance. Opening the door, you nearly scream as a tuft of pink hair practically collapses into your arms. It was Jimin and, he was crying.

“Jimin, babe, what’s wrong?” You hold him to you, your eyes wide with concern as you usher him into your apartment.

“I can’t do it y/n, I can’t do anything right.” He cries into your t-shirt, his hands clutching you as if you’re about to slip away.

You rub his back, maneuvering you both onto your couch, Jimin clinging to you all the while.

“Hey, hey, that’s not true at all.” You murmur soothingly. “Jimin, what brought this on? Did something happen?”

Jimin, still crying, nods, as the tears stream down his puffy cheeks.

“I’ve been rehearsing for…for 36 hours…and I ca…can’t….do it…I can’t get it right. I ke…keep messing up. I’m n…not getting it…they’re…they’re going to drop me from the showcase if I can’t do it….they…they will…” At this point, your heart is broken, your usually smiley best friend is completely shattered, sobbing, into your arms. You hadn’t seen him like this since he had his first serious breakup sophomore year and, even that couldn’t compare to what you saw before you.

“Shh…minnie…it’s ok, it’s ok, I got you.” You gingerly tilt his swollen face towards yours, your eyes holding an immense amount of emotion as you gaze into his. “Listen to me ok? You can’t rehearse like that, you’re going to burn out and, get hurt. You have to rest. You’ve been practicing non-stop for the entire semester. You could do that routine in your sleep babe. The only reason you probably messed up is because you are exhausting yourself.”

Before you can even finish, Jimin’s eyes well up with tears once again as he shakes his head.

“No…no…you don’t understand…y/n…the coaches came to watch me last night and, I fell…I fell and they…they said that they were disappointed with my progress…and that I need to do better…so…I had to stay to re…rehearse…cause I failed. I failed y/n, I failed.” Jimin bursts into another fit of sobs as he clutches you tighter and, you actually have to hold back the tears that are pricking the corners of your own eyes.

“Dancers fall all the time Jiminie, it’s ok, you had been rehearsing all day. Every free moment you have, you spend in the studio practicing. I know it must have been so hard to fall in front of your coaches but, hey,” You tilt his face to you once more before he can hide away in your arm again. “You are Park fucking Jimin. You are the youngest collegiate dancer to win the national showcase and, the ONLY dancer to win it three years in a row. Dancing is like breathing to you. Audiences are mesmerized as soon as you step on the stage. You did not fail. You are exhausted. You can’t work yourself like this or, there won’t be a Park Jimin to win the showcase four years in a row.” As your words tumble out of your mouth, Jimin begins to calm down, still sniffling lightly, he hugs you again, his normally sparkling eyes, heavy with exhaustion.

“I’m so scared…y/n…there’s so much pressure and, I don’t think I’ll be able to bear it if I disappoint anyone.” You place a chaste kiss to the top of his bubblegum hair as you nod.

“It’s ok to be afraid, this is something you really want and, when we really want something, the thought of failing can be crippling but, you have worked so unbelievably hard.  No one deserves this more than you do. Try and have a little faith in yourself ok? There is nothing you can’t achieve. You have something so magical within you.  Working hard is good but, everyone has their limit and, if you keep pushing yourself like this, you won’t be healthy enough to achieve all of the amazing things I know you are capable of.” Your voice has dropped to an even lower volume as you continue rubbing Jimin’s back. He is looking up at you with intense focus but, you can tell he is on the verge of crashing.

“You promise? You promise you believe I can do this?” He whispers and, your heart shatters in pieces that someone whom you care so deeply for, is in so much pain.

“I don’t just believe Jimin, I know.” You whisper back before jerking your head to the other end of the couch. “Can you please try and sleep for me? When you wake up, we can go somewhere, or we can stay in,its up to you. Just try and rest of a while.” At your request, Jimin lets out a yawn, his lips pressing to your shoulder once more before he flops back onto the couch, still sniffling lightly.

You help him out of his shoes and his coat before grabbing a blanket and, literally tucking him in.

“Thank you y/n.” Jimin whispers, practically half asleep, his hand holding yours lightly.

“You don’t have to thank me, that’s what best friends are for. I’ve cried on your couch a few times too, remember.” You smile fondly as Jimin lets out a twinkling giggle, happy to see that he’s feeling somewhat better.

“I love you.” He whispers, his eyes beginning to shut.

You squeeze his hand lightly before replying.

“I love you too Jimin.”

Jimin drifts off a few moments later, his light snores filling your living room. Your heart feels achy as you reply the last few moments over in your head. You knew your words wouldn’t be enough to completely take away Jimin’s uncertainty but, you were so grateful that he came to you instead of suffering in silence. Jimin had a history of feeling this way right before a showcase. He had done something similar to this your freshman year before, winning and subsequently making history. It absolutely devastated you to see him hurting but, you meant everything you said. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that Jimin was going to go far in life; you just hoped one day, he could see it for himself.

—————————————————————————————————-

“The dark and the ocean….I think maybe it’s time that we start tackling our fears one by one, what do you think?” You look over at Yoongi, who nods from behind his phone.

“Yeah, I think so too. I don’t know how we’d combine the dark and the ocean anyway.” His voice was slightly scratchier than normal but, when you had asked if he was sick, he told you that he had lost his voice at a concert he went to the night prior. For whatever reason, you didn’t believe him but, rather than prying, you opted to enjoy the sound of Yoongi’s raspy voice becoming even raspier.

“If we did, it would be terrifying and, I would probably die.” You state bluntly, causing Yoongi to scoff in disbelief, shaking his head at you.

“You’re so dramatic.” He chastises, smirking lightly, tapping away at his phone. You shrug, not bothering to disagree with him as you doodle on the corner of your paper. “Are you comfortable confronting this fear directly? I don’t know how you would imagine it, unless, you just imagine yourself in a dark room.”

The shudder that passes through your body was completely involuntary and, Yoongi notices it.

“You don’t have to, we can think of something else.” He assures, his almond shaped eyes, wrinkled slightly in concern. You shook your head insistently, putting on a brave face.

“No, its ok…I can do it. I won’t be alone so, it will be a little easier.” You force smile onto your mouth but, Yoongi isn’t buying it. Thankfully, he decides to accept your statement anyway.

“Does tonight work for you? I have a free Tuesday for once so, I figured we could do yours today and mine on Thursday.” Yoongi’s suggests, his demeanor returning to normal. You nod, leaning back in your chair, attempting to look casual but, your heart jumped slightly in your chest.

“Yeah, that’s fine, what time?” You needed to know how much time you had to straighten up because, you definitely left dirty dishes in the sink and, you were quite certain that you dropped a pair or two of clean underwear whilst running late this morning.

“Well, it doesn’t get dark until 7:30-8 so, maybe around then?” Yoongi cocks his head slightly, his eyes sleepy as usual. You had never had such a strong urge to tuck someone into bed and, kiss their forehead until you met Min Yoongi. That boy needs more sleep.

“I’m good with that yeah. Are we eating together or do you want to eat before you come?”

“I’ll bring something, I have a lot to make up for since somebody, decided to buy our tickets last week.” He gives you a pointed look, disapproval gracing his features. You laugh, shrugging shamelessly, looking up at him.

“I guess you better bring something good then.” You insist, smiling, nudging his desk with your foot.

————————————————————————————————–

It was that very conversation that led you to where you were now:  belly full of That’s Amore’s pasta, apartment tidied up, and Yoongi glancing over at you curiously.

“What?” You giggle lightly, confused at his intense gaze before, he nods over to you.

“Why are you afraid of the dark?” He murmurs, his tone cautious but curious.

You bite your lip, as you feel your body grow slightly uncomfortable. Meeting Yoongi’s gaze, you attempt to sound as brave as possible before, answering his question.

“I…used to have really bad nightmares as a kid. I had them every night for almost two years.” You admit, your eyes moving to stare at the couch instead of continuing to look at Yoongi. “My parents finally took me to a doctor and they told them that I would eventually just grow out of it. They gave me something to help me sleep through the night and, over time, the dreams finally stopped but, I slept with my light on until I was like 14.” You giggle, trying to lighten the mood, not really enjoying the serious tone of the conversation.

Yoongi nods, regarding you earnestly from the other end of the couch.

“I’m sorry.” He says softly and, you can tell that he means it. You smile over at him, brushing it off.

“No, its ok, it happened a long time ago. I’m just still not a huge fan of the dark.” You explain, finally meeting his gaze again.

“You don’t have to do this, you can just keep talking about it…I don’t want you to feel afraid.” He insists, his tone firm and certain.

You nod, your smile growing more genuine.

“I can do it. I think it will be good for me and, like I said, I won’t be alone so, I don’t think it will be too bad.” You’re lying. The dark terrified you but, logically, you understood that there was nothing dangerous about it. You know you can do this.

Yoongi nods but, you can tell that he’s uneasy, his movements cautious and hesitant as he looks around your apartment.

“Ok, do you want to start slow? We could just turn off the lights first; the streetlights shouldn’t make it too dark.” He assures you, nodding toward the window but, you shake your head at his suggestion.

“No, I think it’s better if we just do everything now. I think prolonging it will just make me more nervous.” Your voice is growing smaller and, once you catch that, you sit up straighter.  As if, sitting up straighter would lessen the fear you felt. “Let’s do this.”

Yoongi nods and the two of you move to start closing the curtains and turning off the few lamps that you have on in your apartment. You both stand on opposite ends of your living room as Yoongi’s hand hovers over the main light.

“Are you ready?” He calls softly, his face littered with concern.

You nod, smiling tightly, bracing yourself for the darkness.

“You have to protect me if a shadow demon tries to eat me!” You insist, giggling, trying to lessen the tension as Yoongi rolls his eyes.

“There’s no such thing as shadow demons.” He counters, smirking before, he nods anyway. “But, yeah, I guess I’ll protect you if that happens.”

Your heart is picking up its pace in your chest as you attempt to pull a deep breath from your nose.

Yoongi looks at you pointedly and, before another question can pass his lips, you nod to the light.

“Go ahead. I’m good.” You assure him, putting on the bravest voice you can find.

There’s a click and then, darkness envelops your apartment. You could never have imagined that your apartment could get to this level of darkness. The room was pitch black, you held your hand out in front of your face and you saw nothing but a faint blob.

“Are you ok?” Yoongi calls softly from the other end of the room.

Another shaky breath passes your lips as you attempt to calm yourself.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m ok.” You assure him but, even you could tell that your tone wasn’t convincing. There’s a shuffling on the other end of the room that causes you to jump out of your skin. “What was that?”

“It’s just me; I’m trying to find my way to the couch.” Yoongi’s voice calms you and, you curse yourself for being so obviously afraid.

“Yeah, I should probably do that too. I don’t want to just stand here…vulnerable…where literally anything can attack me if it wanted to.” You muse casually and, this causes Yoongi to finally break out in his rickety laughter.

“Nothing is going to attack you, just come here and, be careful not to trip over anything. That’s the only real danger you need to worry about.” Yoongi’s voice is practically a whisper and, you use it to guide yourself to your sofa. You finally feel the familiar fabric and make your way around the arm of the couch before, tucking your body into one of the cushions. The heartbeat in your chest hasn’t lessened its pounding but, you feel slightly better that you’re not doing this alone.

“I made it.” You whisper but, Yoongi could already feel you sit down at the opposite end of the couch.

“How are you feeling?” Yoongi whispers back to you and, you feel yourself relaxing slightly at the sound of his voice. He really should be doing ASMR in his free time. Your mouth opens to lie again but, you end up sighing in defeat.

“I’m scared.” It’s the first time either of you have uttered this phrase since beginning your project and, you grow uneasy as you wait for his response.

“That’s ok.” He assures and then he falls silent for a moment. “I know it’s difficult for you. We can stop whenever you want.”

“I’m ok right now; my eyes are starting to adjust.”

Another moment of silence passes between the two of you and, you feel a familiar thickness in the air that seems to occur a lot when you and Yoongi are alone. You close your eyes for a moment, stifling your desire to mention it to him. He had made it very clear on the Ferris Wheel that he wasn’t interested in being with you that way… ‘right now.’

“You can…move closer to me, if you need to. I’m not sure if that will help but, you can try. I don’t mind.” Yoongi whispers and, his offer catches you completely off guard. Should you move closer to him?

Silently, you scoot your body down the length of the couch until you feel your shins meet Yoongi’s feet. He must have been sitting cross-legged on the couch and, now that you’re closer to him, you can make out his posture. He’s sitting with his legs crossed, his body turned to face the direction you were sitting, while his hands rested in his lap.

“Thank you.” You whisper, and you can sort of make out the faint smile ( :] ) on his lips.

“Is it any better?”

“Yeah, it is, actually, thanks.” You repeat your gratitude and you finally start to feel the anxiety subsiding from your chest. Yoongi was warm and, he smelt like berries and the ocean? An odd yet tantalizing combination that, in all honesty, made your stomach tighten. His hands are adorned with a few rings and your eyes squint in curiosity as you try to make out what they look like; regretting that you hadn’t checked them out when the lights were on.

“What are you trying to look at?” Yoongi’s whisper causes you to smile as  you realize that his eyes were also adjusted to the darkness and, he was probably wondering why you were staring intently at his lap.

“Your rings.” You giggle, your head jerking their direction. At your answer, Yoongi’s fingers flutter lightly in response, his head turning down to look at them.

“Oh, yeah, I don’t wear these a lot but, my roommate Namjoon got them for me and, started giving me shit for not liking them. So, I made a point to wear them more.” He explains his tone one of fondness and annoyance. Another laugh passes your lips as you nod in understanding.

“They look nice. Namjoon has good taste.” You compliment, feeling far more comfortable.

“Yeah, he’s alright, I guess.” Yoongi jests but, you know he doesn’t mean what he says, always hiding behind a snarky comment. Before you can speak again, Yoongi holds one of his hands out to you. “You can look at them if you want.”

Your heart stalls a moment as you look at Yoongi’s out stretched hand. The hand that had been on your own lap comes up to bring Yoongi’s closer to your view. The rings were actually beautiful and, you were thankful that the tiniest amount of light had escaped through the curtains so you could properly see them. There were four of them each covered in silver, the engravings depicting the four elements: Earth, fire, water, and air. You smile as your fingers gently examine Yoongi’s rings (hand). His hands were one of your favorite things about him. They were nearly double the size of your own, blue and green veins pushed slightly against the surface, fingernails bitten out of what you could assume as nervousness.  There is a light increase in your heart rate as you continue to examine Yoongi’s hand and, if he had noticed that you stopped looking at his rings, he wasn’t showing it. You tilt his hand up so, its perpendicular to your own, your fingertips only reaching the middle of his fingers, as you place your palm against his hand.

“Your hand is small.” Yoongi whispers but, this time, you detect a different tone from him that you can’t say you’ve ever heard before.

A small smile graces your mouth as you nod.

“Against yours it is.” The whisper that leaves your lips is almost in audible, your eyes find Yoongi’s and, you find him staring back at you, the faint streetlight illuminating his face. The two of you stare at each other as you feel Yoongi’s fingers lace with your own. Your heart beats wildly in your chest as you lick your lips in attempt to compensate for the dryness in your mouth. Without warning, the two of you are leaning towards each other, your shaky breathing intertwining momentarily before, your lips press together. Yoongi audibly lets out a sigh of what literally sounds like relief as he mold his lips against yours. You rise up on your knees lightly, in an attempt to get closer to him, your free hand coming up to gently touch his face. The butterflies that had been taunting you for the past month erupt in your stomach, your heart racketing against your sternum. Yoongi’s hand that was interlaced with yours slips out of your grip and, settles on your waist instead, pulling you into his body. Your lips are beginning to move against one another and, you actually feel Yoongi’s heartbeat rattling against your hand. The thought of you having that effect on him, makes you clench between your thighs. Your body moves to make its way into his lap but, before you make it there, Yoongi is slowly pulling away. He seems reluctant to stop, his swollen lips still pecking against yours as he presses his forehead to your own.

“I don’t want to stop but, I think…”His breathing is too ragged for him to speak properly, and you press your lips to his cheek in an attempt to sooth him, even though, your breathing is just as bad. “We….should slow down….”

You nod in agreement but, relish in the fact that Yoongi is still holding you close to him, your body leaning into his chest.

“You’re right.” You whisper in return, your breath just as shaky as Yoongi maneuvers you so, that you’re tucked into the side of his body. Your hand rests on his chest and you smile as you feel his heart pummeling against the palm of your hand. The two of you lay there for a moment in complete silence, Yoongi’s fingers play with your own  as you wait for the other to say something.

Surprisingly enough, it’s Yoongi who breaks the silence, his raspy whisper penetrating the darkness around you.

“Are you still scared?” He whispers softly, his eyes finding yours.

You look up towards him, a soft smile on your lips.

“No.”

Yoongi smiles back at you and, you can’t help but notice how shy he’s being, his eyes softer than you have ever seen before.

“Good.”

Maybe, the dark wasn’t so bad after all.

[bliindinglights]

⧼    kathryn newton, cisfemale, she/her   /   maybe idk - jon bellion   +   cancelled plans at the last minute , forgotten about wilted, yellow tulips in a mason jar , a worn in, oversized denim jacket that gets thrown into every outfit regardless of formality     ⧽   ━━   let me tell you a thing or two about ASTRID GALE VIDARSDOTTIR. the TWENTY THREE year old daughter of VIDAR BJORK-THORSON is a POSTGRAD student at paragon academy, and has sometimes been referred to as THE PARADOX. they’ve always seemed very CURIOUS & COLORFUL, though i’ve heard that they can be pretty FLIGHTY & WEAK-WILLED, too. it’s common knowledge that they have the power / ability of WATER MANIPULATION & PARTIAL ASGARDIAN PHYSIOLOGY ; guess we shouldn’t get on their bad side, huh?  

first off, hello ! i’m lex ! i’m 24, use she/her pronouns and im located in the est timezone ! i am v excited to be here, feel free to slide into my dms to plot ! 

cute & fun headcanons : 

a lil bit of a crust of a gal !

calls herself baby

can b an asshole

vegetarian !

very sleepy gal - for no reason at all. napping is a ~hobby~

quotes tik toks and definitely went through a heelys phase in 2019

very,, flighty. queen of ‘i wasn’t going to go but i wanted to be invited’. is notorious for trying to bail out of plans so she often has to be dragged to outings

she’s aware of her flakiness - it’s not something she likes and has made small strides to combat. she joined a sorority to make new friends, but also to give her some structure that she HAD to abide by. 

has five tattoos and will contest that two of them were a good idea at the time but ultimately,,, regrets them ( s/o to the YOLO lip tattoo she got four years ago and it STILL hasn’t faded, despite being promised it would ). the other she regrets is simply because it is so cliche - it was her first, a simple wave beneath and to the side of her right breast. she’s also got a conure perched on a half moon on her back left shoulder, this on the back of her upper right arm, and ‘vis ta vie’ on her inner left leg, just above the ankle. 

she’s very smart when she puts her mind to something, it’s just the matter of staying invested in whatever she’s working on. fortunately, she does pick up on things quickly. for example, she learned how to sufficiently play piano in about three months before she ditched the hobby all together. played every sport under the sun for a year before eventually ditching it ( with the exception of swimming ). 

that being said - despite being 23 this is her first year of graduate school at paragon academy, due to the fact that she changed her major three times in undergrad.

has a blue crowned conure named paulie, yes - just like the movie. it was her favorite growing up !

is a swim instructor and lifegaurd ( during the summer ) at the local swim club! loves working with kiddos ! has travelled to a lot of really cool places in the world doing different missions with nonprofits and or/research working on tagging sharks and studying their populations ! 

some *history* :

born august 2, 1996. she’s one of five children of vidar thorson ! is the ( older ) irish twin of tova, which is cute n funky n fresh

she has. . . always been flighty. when she was younger, it was more so with her emotions - they would turn on a dime. she felt things very vibrantly. when she was happy, she was overwhelmingly so. when something even mildly set her off, you knew. very much a realist growing up. saw things for how they were, and it often upset her.

her childhood was good. she loved her parents, loved her siblings. she valued the time where they ALL were together, but she made it. . . very known she was unhappy when her dad would leave. large tantrums and screaming fits when she was younger. acting out when she got older ( she’s mellowed out though, now she’s just. dumb ).

she has a pretty good relationship with her mom. by no means is she the closest to her out of the lot, but they get on well. maybe not so much in her teens when astrid was busy acting out, but really. . . that’s ANY teen and their parents, isn’t it?

rly clung to tova after the incident at the shops. she mourned for her aunt, she did, as much as a thirteen year old girl could, but tova was her highest concern. she didn’t know how, per se, to comfort someone in tova’s situation aside from being there when needed ( even when her presence wasn’t asked for i.e sleeping on the floor beside her bed ).

she has a . . . tricky relationship with her dad and goes back and forth, often, about whether or not she wants a better relationship with him. when she was younger she just wanted his consistent, undivided attention. wanted him to be around. she knows his absence does not come with an easy answer, but that’s never changed how she felt. there’s a lot of. . . undealt with animosity, for lack of better wording, on her part. the damage was done, and being nearer to him has thrown her through a loop. it’s not uncommon for her to agree to plans to see him and then cancel on them at the last minute. also not uncommon to reach out at the last minute, too. fickle chick.

i’ll likely add onto this as i build onto astrid and work out where she fits in the grand scheme of things ! 

wanted connections ! i’ll send these to the main in a more. . . formal format, eventually, but ! :

a squad that rly b drinking,,, the stupid bitch juice ~ people she just does dumb shit with. admittedly they have probably. . . matured, a bit, since their rly dumb days considering i’d imagine most of them to be grad students or well, graduated but i think that is a good foundation, of sorts, to build off of. like any young adults finding time for each other after undergrad could always be. . . a time. these are also likely her tried and true best friends. her constants. could rly b anyone, i think this could be cool if they’re all polar opposites, but they should be around her age !i’d imagine it’s a group of four, maybe three, i’m not rly picky. 

astrid has likely had one or two exes. she floats both ways, so this would be open to anyone. it was likely her that led to their demise. she’s flighty in all things. plans. feelings. maybe she was just a straight up lousy girlfriend. didn’t allot enough time to the relationship to make it work. maybe her feelings sizzled quickly after the two became a thing. it does not HAVE to be that way, just some options, as astrid’s STILL really figuring herself out and i really doubt she was a perfect opposite in the past. but, hey ! if you have something else in mind, i’m not picky. 

mentors !!! people that have tried to help her get her shit together. professors wise, maybe they helped her freshman/sophomore year settle on selecting an actual major that worked. i imagine that sort of connection would have stuck for her, and she often would turn to them for advice or help. it could come in the form of a faux-big sibling, too. i am always a sucker for. that shit.

if your character would have ANYTHING to do with the ocean, that’s something cool to build off ! i imagine she’s done lots of educational trips and internships, apprenticeships and what not, whether it is tagging marine life, studying coastal ecosystems/shore erosion. a few summers during undergrad she often helped with rehab & release !

coworkers ! she works at the local swim club so that could be ! fun ! people she did dumb shit with while drunk ( maybe your char was there when she got one of the stupid tattoos ? and they never spoke again ? this could b funny ) ! friends that she was friends with for the hottest minute but lost interest ! or maybe they just grew apart ! i imagine she was never part of a solid friend group for a while, just kind of. . . hopped from one to the other, so if that would fit somewhere, that would be cool ! someone she always runs into at the pet store ?? who knows ! previous hook-ups ! if your character teaches something, she could have been a former student of theirs before she gave up the interest ! i’d also love for some connects where people just. . . don’t like her for whatever reason. could be enemies, doesn’t have to be. maybe just animosity. maybe its her behavior. who she hangs out with. something else we could plot out, idk. 

[omgkatsudonplease]

rainfall confessions

for @wangxianweek day 7 “promises”: a completely and utterly self-indulgent au set to jay chou’s rhythm of the rain. im so sorry. no i’m not

“Let’s make a wish, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian says, looking up at the stars.

Beside him in this moonlit field, Lan Wangji hums in agreement. “What do you wish for?” he asks.

Wei Wuxian considers it, tucking himself closer to Lan Wangji with a small smile. “Forever,” he says, his fingers seeking out Lan Wangji’s and holding on tight. “Just think — the two of us, waking each day to one another. Spending the rest of our lives together.”

“Mm.” Lan Wangji’s expression is placid when Wei Wuxian looks over at him. There’s going to be mud and grass stains all over his designer coat, and there’s no doubt his stuck-up of an uncle is going to give him a verbal lashing for it. But the slight upturn of Lan Wangji’s lips makes this moment of rebelliousness all worth it.

Wei Wuxian sighs dreamily, squeezing his fingers. “Let’s make it happen, shall we?” he asks.

Lan Wangji squeezes back. “Mm,” he repeats, and turns to kiss Wei Wuxian’s cheek.

From a translation of Rainfall Confessions: Collected Poems by Lan Wangji:

on books

love is not in books, I know; I’ve read each one cover-to-cover, and there are still no words to describe the way you make me feel.

From the very beginning, Wei Wuxian had known he was out of Lan Wangji’s league. The man’s every move speaks of refined upbringing; every article of clothing speaks of money and prestige. Wei Wuxian’s just a kid waiting tables and manning the bar at his shijie’s restaurant to get by for grad school; he really doesn’t bring much to the table in comparison.

Lan Wangji still shows up during his shifts anyway, ordering him drinks once in a while yet never nursing anything stronger than an Arnold Palmer. He tips handsomely, too, and completely in cash, folded into napkins with little poems or drawings. The first napkin Wei Wuxian had returned to him had his number on the back. Lan Wangji had texted him an invitation to coffee shortly after.

With every meeting, Wei Wuxian cracks through more of the ice to find the heart within. Lan Wangji writes poems, plays piano, draws still lifes and landscapes. He’s the quiet second son of a media mogul family, chock-full of entertainers and influencers all around the world. He’s won awards for his art; his chapbooks are bestsellers.

Wei Wuxian has nothing to offer, but Lan Wangji takes what he gives anyway — his heart.

Tonight, however, Lan Wangji is already at the restaurant when Wei Wuxian enters. His austere grump of an uncle sits beside him. They’re not in Wei Wuxian’s section, but he tries to go over and bring them water anyway.

“Three,” says the uncle. “We are waiting on one more.”

Lan Wangji looks down at his napkin, refusing to meet Wei Wuxian’s eyes.

Wei Wuxian has just returned with the water when he sees why. A young woman has arrived, her coat draped over the chair beside her. She sits across from Lan Wangji, arrayed in pale pink.

Wei Wuxian’s hands tremble when he sets down the glasses, and then he immediately finds the section’s server and shoves her towards them for the rest of the night.

He’d known Lan Wangji was out of his league, but even after candlelit dinners, and stargazing out in the park, and all the other clandestine meetings they’d shared, it still stings a little to see proof of just how impossible their forever is.

Lan Wangji texts him an hour later. It was a business meeting, he says. It means nothing.

Wei Wuxian suspects he’s lying, but he sends a heart anyway.

From a translation of Rainfall Confessions: Collected Poems by Lan Wangji:

qixi

in this last rainstorm, I wished you were beside me, stranded like a maiden for whom the magpies could not fly.

The next meeting is repentance. Lan Wangji worships him the instant the doors to his bedroom closes, sinking to his knees in penitence before a deity. Somewhere far off in Wei Wuxian’s heart, a storm slowly gathers.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian murmurs, brushing his lips against Lan Wangji’s ears. “Please be honest with me: a business meeting?”

“Mm,” replies Lan Wangji, his voice steady, his fingers shaking as he unbuttons Wei Wuxian’s shirt.

“I suppose it’s not weird if your uncle is there. But it did seem a bit… I don’t know. I just know your uncle hates me.”

Lan Wangji’s lips pause just above Wei Wuxian’s collarbone. “She has a publishing empire. We are an entertainment company. The merger is logical.”

“Is a wedding logical, too?” wonders Wei Wuxian.

Lan Wangji kisses him silent. In spite of himself, Wei Wuxian swallows down his remaining misgivings. He flips their positions, fingers tangling themselves into his boyfriend’s hair. Lan Wangji arches into him, and the world falls away.

Hours later, as Lan Wangji sleeps silver and beautiful beside him, Wei Wuxian lies awake and traces the curve of his face. Perhaps this is the last time Lan Wangji’s dark hair will fan across his pillows. Perhaps this is the last time Wei Wuxian will be able to kiss those soft lips.

He commits Lan Wangji to memory with fingers and lips, and wishes he couldn’t see where this is going.

From a translation of Rainfall Confessions: Collected Poems by Lan Wangji:

in bed

you tap a rhythm against my skin that matches the pattern of the rain, the erratic breaths drawn from my lungs, and the frantic dancing of my heart.

Wei Wuxian first sees the ring in a windowsill.

It’s the stupidest impulse purchase he’s ever made. It’s a gamble on the possibility of forever, a hopeful investment in the business of love. Despite all his misgivings, all his fears, there’s still the possibility Lan Wangji is his forever.

The ring is a happy weight in his pockets from there on, a box of possibility waiting to be presented. He spends weeks trying to figure out the timing — it can’t be during work, as much as he’d love to slip it into one of Lan Wangji’s drinks. They’re both so busy it’s hard to find time after, and no place in the city feels like the right place to go.

Until he remembers the field where they had watched the stars, and he resolves to invite Lan Wangji there that night.

He’s just pulled out his mobile to text him when he sees a crowd gathered in the park. Curious, he joins them, pushed forward by the brisk pre-storm breeze. It stabs at him, but the bitterness isn’t half as acute as what he sees in the centre of the crowd.

For there stands Lan Wangji, staring down at a bouquet of roses offered to him by that woman in pastel pink. Amid the roses, there’s the faintest glint of a golden ring.

The ring in Wei Wuxian’s own pocket now sinks like his heart. Without a second thought, he turns and runs. “Wei Ying!” he hears from behind as he pushes back out of the crowd, the first hints of drizzle streaking across his vision. “Wei Ying — wait!”

But Wei Wuxian’s heartbeat is echoing too hard in his ears for him stop and listen now.

From a translation of Rainfall Confessions: Collected Poems by Lan Wangji:

for want of envy

dear reader, i lost you — the sheets are cold where you used to lie, the rain obscures you from my sight, and the heart within me is stretched for want of you.

dear reader, i was never taught how quickly someone can become your world and how quickly you can lose them.

“What’s your poison, handsome?” the young man behind the bar had teased, and in that fateful moment Lan Wangji’s world had tilted on the axis of his smile. Wei Wuxian was sunlight and warmth, a happy contrast against the spring rain thundering against the windowpane outside the store.

He’d remembered his manners just in time, choking out a request for water in between heartbeats. Wei Wuxian had remarked something about it being strange he’d sit at the bar to order water, but Lan Wangji wasn’t nearly stupid enough to confess it was him that drew him there.

As the second son, he’d never been expected to inherit the family business. Still, his every connection was scrutinised, every friend carefully vetted. Uncle Qiren’s adherence to tradition had protected him all his life, considering the scandals raised by his parents’ marriage, but the minute Wei Wuxian stepped into his life, Lan Wangji had never wanted to rebel so badly.

The instant Uncle Qiren noticed Wei Wuxian in his life, he’d pushed Luo Qingyang at him. The merger was transparent. But then, so was her distaste.

“I cannot accept this,” Lan Wangji tells her now, even after he takes the bouquet.

She looks almost relieved. “I know there is someone else,” she says. The crowd had vanished with the oncoming storm, but neither of them have moved from their spot. Lan Wangji opens his umbrella, hands it to her with the flowers and the ring.

“There is someone else for you, too,” he says.

“Good luck,” she replies. Lan Wangji nods, as the rain slowly seeps into his white suit.

Its rhythm is a metronome for the beating of his heart as he turns and races out of the park.

From a translation of Rainfall Confessions: Collected Poems by Lan Wangji:

promises

he promised me forever and a day, and all the years to come in lifetimes after. “with you beside me, come whatever may I’ll face it all in sadness and in laughter.”

Wei Wuxian lets his feet take them to the field where he’d first made his wish for forever. The rain blurs his vision; splashes mud across his shoes and clothes as he digs out the ring he’d bought, preparing to throw it down the bank towards the rushing river below.

“Wei Ying!” he hears. Then there’s the solid warmth of Lan Wangji’s body, the familiar scent of his sandalwood aftershave. He closes his eyes, letting Lan Wangji bring him close.

“What are you doing here?” he asks nonetheless, his voice as bitter as he feels. He’s tired of this uncertainty, tired of untruths. Lan Wangji cups his cheek.

“I told her no.”

The ring is warm in Wei Wuxian’s hand. “But I thought —” he begins, but Lan Wangji puts a finger to his lips.

“It has always been you,” he says. “Even when I did not know… I was writing for you.”

The rain clears, almost as if on cue. The faintest hint of the sun peeks out behind the clouds. Wei Wuxian’s eyes go wide, as Lan Wangji kneels in the muddied field at his feet.

“I have no ring to give just yet,” he says, “but I do have my promise.”

“I have a ring,” says Wei Wuxian, sinking down with him. Lan Wangji’s white suit is utterly ruined, and it’s the best thing he’s ever seen. “Forever, Lan Zhan. Please?” he asks, already leaning in.

“Yes,” breathes Lan Wangji, and meets him halfway.

From a translation of Rainfall Confessions: Collected Poems by Lan Wangji:

rainfall confessions

the frost has gathered forests on the sill; the rainstorm beats a rhythm in my heart; against the lake, a dragonfly’s wings are as fragile as this new-spun promise.

in every wound i dealt, you bled out love, until my hands ran crimson with your devotion. in every word, i heard your longing for forever, unenvious of the world around us.

hereafter only strengthens every promise, as we wake to one another every morn. run into my arms, out of the rain, and let the shelter of magpie wings protect us.

[prorevenge]

Wanting to date me just to get a PhD? Game on!

Need to get this off my chest for quite awhile so I hope my story could finally bury this load off me.

This happened back in grad school when I was doing my graduate studies in medicine. Halfway through my candidature, I met a guy (lets call him R) doing his final year of PhD in agriculture science. Now, first of all I have to say is I have no idea what he does, (apparently it involved growing plants and some sort) but being my first actual relationship, I listened endlessly to his talks about his work and all.

The first few months of dating was pretty alright (nothing out of the ordinary) but I did notice he wasnt trying to be intimate or even define if we are going to pursue something more than just dates. At first I figured he needed time and plus I was inexperienced since it is my first proper relationship so I kept my peace with it. Then shit started to go wild. He would randomly text and ask me to skip my afternoons (I usually schedule long experiments on weekdays, most of which started early in the morning and drag all the way till evening; so I cant bail out) knowing that Im busy with experiments. He would then put up a fuss and say things like "im not being serious with him" or "do you even liked/love me" when i tried to reason with him. Being the idiot that I am, I would usually comply and had to sneak out of the lab (my supervisor is pretty strict with students leaving their work unattended). R's idea of dragging me out in the afternoon was to help him write his journal papers since he always mentioned his English isnt good and he cant understand what his supervisor wants. R initially requested me to help him re-read what he wrote and edit his mistakes, but over time I realised he wanted me to write his papers. Being the idiot head-over-heels with R, I did it all for him, whilst jeopardizing my own research.

Over the months, R became more demanding (from helping him water his plants over different time period; well into midnight to helping him write full journals). He would not reply to any of my texts except when he needed my help. I felt really one-sided at this point but i swallowed my pride as I didn't want to loose him. Now, I had no idea what his study is on, since I am from a medical background, but I stayed up late nights reading on agriculture chemistry and biology (its been years since I even read a page about plants, much less knowing them in detail) and trying to figure out how to improve R's experiments. In the course of all of this, R developed a hobby for collecting antiques and trading them, which requires him to travel abroad. I do find his disappearance pretty dodgy, since that his candidature is about to end but he seems more focused on his hobby. However, R expects me to do his work (writing his papers etc.) whilst he is away. He didnt even bother telling me he's leaving, and instead telling me when he was already in another country. At this point, I have no idea if we were dating, seeing that most dates were me doing his work while he sits on a sofa telling me what to write over a hurried dinner/lunch with him promising to discuss the nature of our relationship right after dinner (which never happens). I was behind on my own work (my supervisor noticed my slow progress and actually had to talk to me if I was working outside of postgraduate). I finally snapped out of R's bullshit when he demanded I help him with his thesis whilst commenting that "my research isnt as important as his since he is gonna submit his thesis in a few months whereas I have a few more years to go". Im not going to sit around and be his academic slave under the pretense that he will be my boyfriend (which is never going to happen), so I agreed to help him with his thesis with a special surprise for him!

Now I had saved all of R's journal papers (original edits and ready for submission) and including his thesis. Over the months, I understood what his supervisor wanted in his papers (his supervisor thinks all of the writing done is R's work anyway; and also commented that his style of writing "improved" over the course of a few months) as well as his thesis. I secretly replaced all of his citations (in each journal papers and thesis) with random citations unrelated to his work by using Endnote and deleted the endnote folders scripted to all of his papers and thesis (so he'll have a field of a time editing everything if he actually knew this). I even included a few pages of obituaries I could find in the internet into his thesis and jumbled his results (papers and thesis) with random photos I could find online. When I was happy with it, he submitted it to the examiners and his supervisors even without reading through them! (what a f**ktard). When he told me he submitted, I broke up with him that very night, with his response "I never liked you anyway but you're the help i needed to pass this thesis" and "you were never my priority but you made me your priority so thats your fault". I was pretty hurt by his words, but the best is yet to come.

Fast forward to a few months, I've made peace with my work (caught up with producing good amount of data and running experiments on time) when I heard a couple of friends from the same lab as R. Apparently, the examiners was shock with his quality of thesis and demanded an explanation from R's supervisor as to explain if this was a joke. His papers got rejected as the results and citation wasnt even related to his work and request an inquiry on both R and his supervisor. R was also dealt with a horrible 1 year long extension to his candidature to rectify his mistakes but because I've deleted all the endnote folders, he has to search each source, one sentence at a time, for all of his work! Last I heard, he got dragged into an ethical debate with the Dean seeing that his supervisor did notice a "sudden" change of work quality over the time when we were "dating". I think he wouldnt dare to say anything about me as there was no mention of him getting help, as mentioning my existence would immediately expose his laziness over most of his work.

p/s. throughout our dating phase till the breakup, we did not indulge in anything that would consider us dating (no kissing, going out on proper dates, talks etc.) hence looking back, i think i should have dump his sorry ass sooner, but oh well, better to wreck his PhD than letting him go scot-free!

(source) (story by felixsureshkevin)

[alippy711]

Falling Away With You-Ch.7

Here it is! This chapter will be a two parter because I initially wrote it as one REALLY big chapter but broke it up for effect ;) But I won't make you guys wait too long. 

*****

Chapter Seven: Family Dinner 

    I tossed and turned all night not able to stop replaying my fight with David. It was more so David’s reaction that kept my brain going a mile a minute that night I never would have thought he would be so upset knowing I was going on a date with someone else. Part of me loved seeing him upset over another guy wanting me, but at the same time I knew his reaction was a bit much. At the end of the day no matter how much David and I cared for each other we weren’t moving towards that exclusivity I so desperately wanted but with Evan that possibility was in the cards.

   In the beginning I promised myself I would end our friends with benefits when it became too much, and it was hard to ignore the fact that Evan seemed to slide back into my life the moment I felt my feelings toward David spiraling towards the point of no return. I knew I couldn’t pass up an opportunity with Evan as it could be just what I’ve been looking for.

  The next day I did everything I could to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t text David. I hated being mad at him, and I hated that he hadn’t called to apologize and I wasn’t about to be the one to call first. It wasn’t later that night that David finally reached out and called me.

**

 “Hi, D” I answered holding the phone against my ear as I slid my Mac off my lap changing my position so I was laying down.

“Hey you” I could already hear the apology in his voice.

 “What’s up?”

 “Nothin, how was your day? working hard on that paper?” He spoke casually and I rolled my eyes at his attempt to ignore the elephant in the room, so to speak.

“Work was fine and the papers almost done. Now what did you call for Pasta?”

     I rarely called him Pasta and when I did it usually meant I was annoyed with him, or drunk. It was obvious which I was at this moment. He pushed out a frustrated breath and I could picture him sitting on his couch running a hand through his hair as he gathered his thoughts.

 “I... Well…I... Um…”

    I felt bad as he stumbled over his words. His English was good for someone whose first language was Czech but when he was frustrated he fell over his words more often.

 “Breathe David, it’s just me no need to get flustered.”

   I heard him take a deep breath and hold it before pushing the air out his lungs. He did this twice and I smiled enjoying that he listened to me.

“I know, krásná, I know, I just…I called to say sorry.” His voice was soft and sincere and I immediately felt bad for ever being upset with him.

“Sorry about what?” I pushed, not letting him skate by with just a single sorry. I heard him chuckle lightly on the other end.

 “Im sorry for being an ass yesterday. I had no right to get mad. We both know you’re free to go on dates with who you want.”

 “Thank you for apologizing. And im sorry for what I said” Though they were all facts.

 “You have right to call me out, but you should know nothinghappened with me and the girls on Saturday. They came to see the new place and we hung out. I haven’t been with anyone but you since I came back in September.”

   While this news surprised me I knew he was being honest, he was a terrible liar whether I could see his face or not.

 “You really haven’t been with anyone else?”

 “I really haven’t” I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me.  

 “Why did you get so mad about Evan?” I asked, needing him to answer a certain way.

“I don’t know, Ash.”

“Yes you do. You don’t get mad like that for no reason, you’re my sunshine boy”

“I know; guess it just threw me off.”

    There was some hurt behind his words and I wished I could see his face to confirm.

 “I get that. I won’t lie, it threw me off too. But it’s just one date he wanted to celebrate me finishing my paper.” I heard him mumble something in Czech, but couldn’t understand him.

“We aren’t together so as much as it bugs sucks, you sorta have to deal with it.” I said matter-of-factly.

“I know…It’s just…I got a little jealous when you told me.” My lips curled into a smile finally hearing exactly what I wanted him to admit.

“Good, you better watch out he may take me away from you” I teased and heard him scoff on the other end.

 “Yeah right, you can’t resist me” He quipped.

   After that we were back to our normal selves and all felt right in my world.

***

     I all but skipped into David’s building Thursday night with a huge smile plastered on my face. I was grad school stress free for the first time in two plus years and It felt incredible. It had also been a week since I saw David and I was having some serious withdrawals. WhenI opened his door I was instantly greeted with the sound laughter and I felt my heart squeeze in my chest.

 “Hello! Where are my favorite Czech brothers?” I called out.

“Living room” David answered.

“There they are” I sang out as I rounded the corner into the kitchen where the two guys sat on the couch talking. I dropped my bags on the kitchen table before rushing into the living room where David was standing, arms open wide, waiting for me.

 “Hi you”

    I greeted while crashing into him with enough force to make him stumble back a few steps. I wrapped my arms around his midsection as he pulled me into a hug and I took a deep breath breathing in his scent with a content sigh.

“Hey babe, congrats on passing in your paper.” He whispered in my ear sending a shiver down my spine. I shot him a smile as I pushed up on my toes giving him a quick kiss before pulling away, knowing we had an audience.

 “Thanks, I feel relieved already.” I returned flashing him a smile which garnered a wink.

    I turned my attention towards Jakub as he stood from the couch flashing me that Pastrnak smile that made me weak in the knees. At quick glance it was obvious the two were brothers as they had the same light blonde, almost red hair and similar features, but they were different in many ways. Jakub was just a bit taller than David but where David was outgoing his brother was quiet and shy.

 “Jakub, how areyou?” I greeted reaching up to hug him.

 “Im great Ash, it’s so good to see you again”

 “Same. Im so glad you were able to make it over for this trip.”  

“Me too.” He smiled sweetly and It felt like my insides were going to burst with so much happiness.

“So where are we going to eat? I’m starving!” I noted clutching my grumbling stomach.

 “You’re always starving” David said, rolling his eyes.

“You ain’t wrong, you should know by now that food is the key to my heart.” I bated my eyelashes eliciting a laugh from Jakub as David merely shook his head.

 “I know, which is why we’re going to Carmelina’s.”  A smile slowly formed on his lips as I began hopping around with excitement at the mention of my favorite North End restaurant.

 “You know me so well” I gushed.

 “I do, now hurry up and get ready our reservations at 7:15” He said pushing me out of the living room.

 “Alright, alright, I just have to change and we can go!”

     I grabbed my bags from the table before skipping down the hall towards the stairs while both boys laughed at my antics. I rummaged through my large canvas bag for tonight’s outfit laying it out on the bed to look it over. I was in full on winter mode with a pair of black faux leather leggings, a tan colored turtleneck sweater that I paired with a light weight maroon vest and my go-to black booties. I did a once over in the full length mirror satisfied with my choice. It only took 27 years but I was finally starting to get a hang of this fashion thing.

“Ash, pospêš si!” David yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

   I didn’t understand much Czech but hurry up was one of the few phrases I knew as David frequently used it when with me.

 “Zklidni se! im ready” I called back grabbing my purse as I headed out of the room.

“Her pronunciation was pretty good on that.”

I heard Jakub comment referring to my newly learned phrase, calm down. This was one phrase I would use a lot.

 “Yeah she’s good with swearing and sass” I could literally hear the eye roll in his voice.

    I slowly made my way down the stairs trying to contain the loud clunking of my boots. I looked up just in time to see David taking me in with a satisfying smile spreading across his lips as I stepped down the final stair and walked over to him.

“Looking beautiful tonight.” David complimented, placing both hands on my hips.

 “Thank you”

    I twisted my hips from side to side as I felt a blush grow on my cheeks thanks to his compliment. A small smirk played its way across his mouth and he turned towards Jakub who stood next to the open door ready to leave.

“jdete, my se s vámi setkáme ve vstupní hale” He spoke to Jakub nodding his head towards the door. He talked too quickly and I couldn’t pick out a single word but I watched as Jakub cocked an eyebrow and gave him a questioning look.

 “Jít” Go, that I knew.

“pospêš si”

   Jakub responded with a knowing smile before turning to head out of the open door. I looked between the door and David then made a move to walk out but was stopped as David’s hand wrapped around my wrist pulling me back.

“Ne” No.

  I groaned annoyed by his sudden language change, especially when I was starting to get hangry.

“I hate when you go full Czech on me, why did you send Jake out?” I whined which he found amusing.

“Didn’t give you a proper hello”

  He dropped his voice low and wrapped an arm around my waist pulling me flush against him while he looked down at me with dark eyes.

“Oh”

 His lips were on mine in a second and I melted into him. My hands instantly went to his hair and I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip and I happily opened for him. A small moan escaped my throat and I felt him smile against my mouth as my head continued to spin from the intoxicating feeling of him. Seconds later he pulled his lips from mine, but kept me close.

“I want that hello every time I see you.” I murmured into his chest as I laid my head there.

“Mm that would be nice” He replied running a hand through my hair before pulling away leaving me pouting with his absence.

“Time to go, gonna be late!” He declared stepping towards the door. He smiled that crooked chipped tooth smile I loved and I couldn’t help but laugh as I shook my head and walked through the door he held open for me.

******

Translations (according to google translate so they could be wrong) 

jdete, my se s vámi setkáme ve vstupní hale = You go, we will meet you in the lobby

[yeoldontknow]

Hi Kat! It's been a long time since I've been around or on Tumblr. I've been really busy with grad school and during the panorama it's actually been really hard to keep my head straight. The last months of 2020 were some of the worst of the last ten years for me, personally. I was just trying to make it through the year, honestly. Sorry for dropping in here just to say all this. I promise I have a happier point to my message. I just wanted to say I've missed being on you "internet lawn" (1)

Anyway, I finally had a chance the last few days to catch up on everything you've been writing. I read Iron Wrought and A Taste of Sunflowers in one sitting last night, back to back. Wrong idea. I was crying by the end. Both of those stories really hit me deep and made me realize how lonely I am -- how single I am, tee bee eich. The way you write Park SonShine is out of this world. There was a line in Sunflowers though that I wanted to point out. Pretty sure this line did me in. (2)

You wonder now, turning your hand in the light and still not used to the way your skin looks when it is decorated by things other than the red marks of his teeth, if other couples feel this way in the liminal space between a wedding and a marriage. -- this broke me. I've yet to find someone who makes me feel this way or even find someone else who feels this way about their partner. You always make me think about love and what I want from it. I just wanted to thank you for this amazing story (end)

oh my LORD anon hello??? all of this has sent me into my emo place omfg i did NOT expect this many messages or something this wonderful in my box today aksjdalkj im SO HAPPY you decided to come to my internet lawn in your free time and drop ....frankly some of the nicest messages ive received in a really long time. like damn...im so touched truly.

im sorry to hear 2020 was a hard time for you, and i can only hope 2021 is a kinder, more gentle year for you. for all of us, really. 2020 was misery and i have to believe things will get better. i hope grad school is going well too! trust me its worth it even when its hard. i loved getting my degree and i hope it treats you kindly :(

THANK YOU for reading both these stories and for pulling one of my absolute fave lines out of ATOS. and kfjlkasjf you call him park sonshine thats so cute? i am soft. anyway im insanely verklempt that either story was able to move you this much and touch you this way. thats a high honor and a huge compliment and aslkdajl pls take my heart it is yours. i cant believe this line hit you that much but i also believe that there is someone out there for all of us who keeps us in the liminal place between a wedding and a marriage. there is someone who always makes it worth it even when its hard. i know youll find someone like that one day anon and when you do it will be even better than this little story. THANK YOU FOR READING THESE I AM CRY

[pookie--noodlin]

ok here comes that long rant i promised yesterday!! stay with me if you want..

so some of you may remember a few weeks ago when i asked for all of your lovely opinions on a 20 year old dating a 27 year old. well fast forward to 2 weeks ago (was that an oxymoron? Too bad). I wrote a long ass note about exactly how i felt about this guy and i was determined to tell him because it kept eating me away. So instead of being a normal person and talking, I just handed him the note. (i have the note if anyone wants to see it?) he said it was the cutest and sweetest note hes ever read and i thought he was kidding! I thought he would think it was so dumb because of course he doesnt feel the same way about me, how could he? thank you depression for these Intrusive Thoughts™. Anyway, he called me later after I gave him the note and he said “id be lying if i said i didnt want to date you. but i dont know if im ready for another relationship yet.” i told him to think about it, take all the time in the world omg i couldnt believe he even is considering this?! that was a few thursdays ago. the rest of the weekend he was very flirty with me, and it felt very relationship-y. Last tuesday he and i went on a walk and he said “so im willing to give this relationship a go.” so we are officially dating. ive honestly never been so happy in a relationship. 

ok were now in present time. so hes extremely busy with his last year of grad school, he bowls, hes on a flag football team, he works full time, he has 2 fantasy football teams, and hes dating me now. so i get that hes so busy and he still finds time to see me and im so thankful for that. he told me yesterday that hes been feeling depressed lately and think hes depressed and i just want to hug him and fix everything because ive been where he is so many times. and for the first time im not in this place of darkness, im happier than ive been in 3 years. so the other part of me is like lol that sucks, and i forget all the coping mechanisms ive learned. anyway, i wouldnt change anything about this because im so happy. i know he still likes me obvi cause were dating, but i cant get these intrusive thoughts out of my head that he doesnt like me, or he doesnt want to see me. i care about him so fucking much it feels like im going to explode. i dont want to mess anything up, i know im not actually doing anything wrong and its all normal and natural but my god it feels hard to breathe. i want to tell him how much he means to me, i mean were both mushy romantic people, but like i feel like id suffocate him if i said how much i care about him and just throw my entire feelings into the void (weve only been dating for a week calm tf down julia omg). theres no question here, i just need to type this all out, i feel like im being super irrational lol and need my mind to actually shut the fuck up!!! 

if you made it this far thank you, i appreciate you listening? hope youre having a great day ily <3