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lostinraveland · 7 months

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Has it really been 6 years since I last wrote?

It feels really strange to read back through some of these entries - or blog posts...whatever we're calling it these days. Reading over some of the things I said make me wish I could go back in time and just honestly hug myself, encourage myself. It's strange how time distorts memory - I don't remember feeling as low as I was in reading these old posts. Reading my voice feeling like I was constantly on the edge was harrowing for me now.

How to even begin updating 6 years later?! I stopped writing right before we left for Colorado, one of the biggest transition periods of my life. J.O. (I do still feel strange using full names, but initials seems helpful since in reading some of these 12 year old posts I'm like, "wait, who?") and I packed up all of our things and headed out to Colorado.

Our first year in Colorado was literally a nightmare. We moved 6 times in one year. First, we (unknowingly but with a deep suspicion) moved into a house that was an illegal weed operation (which honestly is a full movie script on its own), got tumbled out into the basement of one of mom's high school friends (who she hadn't spoken to in years - moms always save the day), did a brief stint living in an office of an art gallery (while having to pretend we and our animals did not live there), felt like we upgraded into a basement rental living underneath a frail elderly man and two crackheads (who robbed his estate blind when the old man died shortly thereafter), crammed into a duplex with disgustingly disastrous plumbing issues, and finally moved into a drafty and confusingly laid out 1890's home that we would live in for just over a year. We "lived" at most of these squats for 1 month or so before passing onto the next. It was torture.

At some point in the mix of this scramble, J.O. and I ended up breaking up our triad relationship with A.B. It was crushing and confusing at the time, but we truthfully were in no position to maintain a long distance relationship. Bit of a spoiler - she was right about everything she said about J.O. then as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things in Colorado didn't start to look up for me until I was able to successfully get my MED badge (March 2017) to legally work in the cannabis industry. I started my first job "gramming" hash for $12/hour, which felt incredibly lucky.

I learned quickly that the cannabis industry is rotten from the inside out, and attracts all of the weirdest weirdos in the entire country - rednecks looking to relocate and get a "jump" in the legal industry, rich trust fund kids playing at having blue collar jobs, addicts, "heady" crowds, and a few perfectly normal folks. I'm not sure that I could accurately select which of these tiers I fell under at the time.

I left my first industry job in just over a year after having gotten some experience transferring to the "garden," - I was able to transfer to another relatively well-known company with hopes to work on their cultivation team. Even with my experience, the industry proved more to be an insider club, so I started my work there as a joint roller, for $15/hour. I rolled 1,000+ joints per day - what a strange time in my life. I did finally work my way onto the cultivation team, and it was just as dysfunctional as my prior role. I ended up getting fired for being a "bad culture fit" - read: reporting illegal pesticide use. The only shimmery thing that I got to take from that job was meeting O.

2017 - 2020 were truly, a blur. It honestly probably doesn't help that I was consuming more weed than at any other point in my life. I also really delved into exploring and developing my ritual skills - I did yoga daily, without fail for a year and a half during this period. I experimented with herbalism, spellcrafting, sigiling, lucid dream exploration, ritual magic. It felt like 2017 was the portal into this realm for me. In some ways, lots of my experimentation was successful - and lots blew up in my face. We continued to see O. Things with J.O and I were always up and down - I'm not even sure if that begins to accurately describe how truly night and day things were. I don't know how I felt about it, honestly, at this time. Mostly because I had stopped writing - and stopped being honest with myself. I believe at some points during these few years he had been holding some meager work, which seemed to make a difference for us. Seeing O was the highlight of my years at this point. I had suffered through a pretty wild "gay existential panic" at some point in 2017, weirdly listening to old millennial YouTube star Hannah Hart's audiobook - of which I absolutely cannot remember the title. I just had a deep knowing that my life was not meant to be spent with a man. At least not only a man. It was the most intense and deep knowing I've had in a long while. I remember walking from my house to the library and just crying. It's wild to look back and see my queer self, in a failing relationship with a man, crying over my desire to love women. It would've saved so much heartbreak to have just ended it then. Thankfully, O came into our lives in such a steadfast way. My life felt fuller. Through lots of back and forth and negotiating with J.O. that I honestly regret dragging O through, we were able to find a way forward. --------------------------------------------------------------------

During this period of my life, I was entirely destabilized (for better and for worse). I continued my pattern of only holding a job for around 1 - 1.5 years max. I left my last job in weed and took another job on a traditional farm, which was a huge breath of fresh air. I worked a long and wonderful season growing produce for a massive, 350-person CSA. I enjoyed this work so deeply. It was during the later part of this season, that things took a sharp left. O was in a gravely serious accident that hospitalized her, requiring major surgeries to recover. This is an event that in retrospect, felt like a chapter ending moment for us. We had only just before moved into a new house together. I immediately quit my job, stepped into a support role where she had been working, and started getting to know her family much more closely than we had before. It's wild how these sorts of things pull people together. And push them apart. J.O. was absolutely and immediately absent from her support during that time. I think he visited the hospital once. I remember coming home from the hospital for the first time, days after her accident, and seeing the dinner I had made the night she went missing still molding on the stove. He hadn't even had the decency to care for "our" home in our absence. I knew that spelt the end for us. -------------------------------------------------------------------- 2019 was a very strange year - that led into an even more strange year. 2019 was a year of discovery and growth, which morphed into recovery and regression at times. I don't have many distinct impressions of 2019. I was learning a new job at a hydroponic greenhouse, trying to support my (still relatively new) partner through one of the most intense and confusing transitions of her life, and still trying to see a way forward for my existing relationship with J.O. Things were weird, and time absolutely felt compressed. By the top of 2020, I knew I was ready for a shift. I was coincidentally laid off from my greenhouse job just as I accepted a new position as a farm manager across town. I was excited going into 2020. This would mean me getting to go back to working the fields, my true zenith. It would also mean me getting paid more than I had ever been paid before in my life. To say I was proud would be an understatement. March 2020 hit us all like a brick. I'll save myself the labor of talking about what the next few months felt like. For me as a farmer, few things changed. Learning to hoe with a mask on felt challenging, though we often had the space to spread out. I didn't feel confined or cooped up. I actually felt more freedom than I had in a while. More people wanted fresh food than ever, and we were positioned to do that. 2020 felt like unlocking a critical part of my story. Farmers are first responders. I farmed through the 2020 season, the CO wildfires, the COVID madness. Yes, we watched Tiger King alongside everyone else. I cried the first time I had to go through a drive-through testing station. The gravity of it all was crushing. But something started to shift, mid-summer. I felt that restlessness in my bones and in my spirit, and started to realize that it was time to leave CO. I don't truly know where the impetus came from, or how it started to become a fully formed thought, but at some point over the summer, I realized that it was time for me to come home to the south. I sigiled, asked the cards and my ancestors, started talking to farmers back home. I took one flight back in July, and by September, we had started making the plans to leave. How the rest shaped up, is also a sort of blur. I remember finding the rental house - I don't remember anything else leading up to that. It just feels like we were planning to move to the other side of town. Days inched by, we collected produce crates to pack up our things, and then suddenly, the moving truck was at our rental house. O's parents came to help us pack up the house. We left our house in CO in late October, and made it back to the south in time for Halloween.

All I'd like to say about moving cross-country is - don't try to do it with two humans, two large dogs, a cat, and a tarantula in a 55 gallon tank - in a fucking Prius. We made it somehow. --------------------------------------------------------------------- We spent three months from 2020 into 2021 just existing in our new space. And spacious it was. Moving from a city to the woods wasn't without it's transition time. It was glorious. Hearing coyotes instead of sirens. Hearing the spring peepers instead of car horns. Seeing trees instead of condos. I was absolutely in love. I didn't start work until January of 2021, taking another farm management role. O started working as well (I won't share too much of her story, as it's not mine to tell), in a role that she was very happy with - albeit a bit intimidated by at first. J.O. had immediately started working away from home, with his brother. It was...surprisingly nice to have him away from the house more often. That should have been a clue. Honestly most of the story of 2021 is working, getting reacquainted with place, and us eventually breaking up with J.O. for good. Mid-summer that year, his alcoholism - which had always been apparent, but not always so troublesome - had reached an unavoidable peak. After one final - fairly dramatic, but not necessarily violent - incident, we had had enough. It took three more months of waiting for him to fully take his things from the house, but we were absolutely done. I think, if I'm honest with myself, I had already started to grieve the relationship far before it actually ended. I don't think that's uncommon. I was thrilled when it was finally able to be put to rest. I entered my (self-titled) "gay renaissance," and finally, felt fully liberated. I'm so unbelievably queer, it's wild to think of what I tolerated while I worked to recognize it. 2021 was a hard farming season, a big love transition year, and yet another important chapter. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ I'll have to come back and continue writing from 2021, as this post is truly becoming untenably long. This process has taken, embarrassingly, a few months to get together. It feels good to take the storytelling from my body. I wish I had been more present to write about the feelings as they occurred, but hopefully this process will "open the tap" back up to being able to do so. I forgot what being in stream feels like.

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a-heart-like-a-sparrow · 1 year

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✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

┌───── .˳·˖✶𓆩𓁺𓆪✶˖·˳. ─────┐

Hi, I am THE Fragile Cosmos. My real name is Evren. I am currently 16 years old and use any pronouns (usually They/He).

I am located in Argentina. I could definitely communicate in Spanish, but I write in English to make it less personal, and therefore less uncomfortable.

This is the most authentic social media account I have. It's basically a virtual diary where I write when something meaningful happenes in my uninteresting life. Expect an entry every night between 11PM and 12AM. And occasional crazy updates outside that time.

I'm basically Franz Kafka but instead of a 40-year-old man in the 1910s, you have a 16-year-old queer loser with a blog on Tumblr in the 2020s. He's literally me tho.

Contrary to unpopular belief, I am fully aware of the fact that nobody cares about my stupid, boring life. But I still make this public because I don't want to manually accept people (I'm just that lazy.)

Well, except for one person. Hi, dude!

He's the only reason I write daily because he's very interested in my life for some reason.

Thank you for being here anyway. I feel less alone on the Internet with this.

└───── .˳·˖✶𓆩𓁺𓆪✶˖·˳. ─────┘

Extra links can be found here !

Check out @evrencore if you wanna know my aesthetic goals

Things I enjoy, because why not:

♱ Noodles and rice - I love carbs.

♱ Horror and all things weird and scary - even though I'm a fucking chicken.

♱ The Arts - I draw and read sometimes. I love movies and listen to music every day.

♱ Tomatoes - I'm a sucker for that shit.

♱ Ugly things and people - I don't know why.

♱ The 2000s, the 90s and before - I know I'll never experience those times ever, but at least I can see them through a screen in the 2020s.

♱ Sleeping - but I always have dark circles under my eyes. They're kind of a vibe tho

+ many more things, but there are some of them.

My Favourites:

𖦹 Music: Beach House, Faye Webster, Hope Sandoval, MARINA. The full list is on Musicboard.

This is a playlist with the songs from my entries.

「Currently listening to...」

𖦹 Books: The "Serpent & Dove" series (Shelby Mahurin); The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue (V.E. Schwab); Loveless (Alice Oseman); The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde)

「Currently reading...」

𖦹 Movies: Cinderella (1950); Sleeping Beauty (1959); Esperando la Carroza (1985); The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993); Girl, Interruped (1999); The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl (2005); Coraline (2009); Frankenweenie (2012); When Marnie Was There (2014); Beauty and the Beast (2017); Parasite (2019); K-12 (2019); Unpregnant (2020); Cruella (2021)

「Last watched... Argentina, 1985 (2022)」

𖦹 TV Shows: Gravity Falls; Heartstopper; Regular Show; Steven Universe; The Amazing World of Gumball; The Mandela Catalogue

「Currently RE-watching... Neon Genesis Evangelion」

𖦹 Artists: Mako Vice and Takato Yamamoto

𖦹 YouTube channels:

「In English: Angela Benedict; antiheroines; FunkyFrogBait; Li Speaks」

「In Spanish: Fzst; Matias Candia; Tri-Line; vida segun richie」

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✮

#fragile cosmos #fragile posts #intro post #diary #except that im actually writing every day #for no reason at all #niche #i think it fits

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renee00124 · 2 years

Photo

https://youarenotmybigbrother.blog/2017/02/17/beamed-high-tech-synthetic-alzheimers-dementia-brains-aneurysms-and-strokes/

About a year ago, I reported ongoing Sonic Weapon attacks during the wee hours originating from the Black cops and military personnel alternating use of the corner house behind with images. When my hands started twitching uncontrollably, I had it documented in my health records. The fact is, this monstrous program was/is attempting to progress me gradually, it appears to Parkinson's disease.

I am not alone in reporting microwave beamed weapons being used for this ultimately deadly illness. Ex NSA Spy Mike Beck is on the record, with confirmation by the NSA, of this effect, in the first link detailed under his image, inside my updated blog. He was given Parkinson's by microwave beam targeting during his employment as a spy.

I have updated the attached blog opening with details of how also this official criminal program continues the search for any hereditary condition they can high-tech exploit for my demise as they review, as I was informed last week my medical records.

Please understand that I have no time to report untruths or toy with anyone in this effort to save my life and that of many others.

It is my firm belief that the only reason I am still alive is due to my continuous exposure, step by step and day by day, and in detail that which is being attempted.

SILENCE IS NOT AN OPTION!

For the record, soon after this post the nerve shattering beamed irradiation stopped, for now... With my drawing attention to what they are attempting with the Sonic Weapon destroying my nervous system for 2 days relentlessly, it stopped and I feel normal again. However, the fact is, they are on an assigned mission that does not end until the mission is accomplished. A new 8 hour shift of both military personnel across the street and cops behind has now begun, typically around 10:00 pm each night, within the "Graveyard Shift" literally. The operator is now using the drone over head, positioned in the front of my house with pin point accuracy beam cooking the top right portion of my head with deep focused penetration. It is a 100% a USAF person at the helm now and working the LAPD officer's home since he moved out on the 11th. The military is running this program of high-tech psychophysical, psychotronic, pain-ray beamed technologies and using the civilian population for human experimention by DOD approval and operating outside of the law, denying the Constitution, Civil and basic Human Rights across our nation!

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relatablepicturesofchoro · 4 years

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choromatsus not going to criticize the idol industry hes literally part of the problem

objectively true

#hi literally the last time i updated this blog was in 2017 #what's happening i'm scared #Anonymous

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thankskenpenders · 2 years

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Updates on the Boingkid shit (go read the previous post if you have no idea what I’m talking about) because yes he is still at it:

1. People (myself included) have wondered why the creator of Boingkid would only be taking issue with Belle’s design now, in the form of Twitter DMCAs, when she’s been in the comics for almost two years at this point. Why not go to IDW directly, and why not do so sooner? Well, here are some responses:

“We did from time to time because we were busy with other projects. We sent an email and got a response from IDW's secretary and she insist to know the details of what we want to share with the CEO. Despite the gut feeling we shared the potential of illegal action & get blocked.”

“We did not write even a single line about this publicly, until one of the IDW artists cry out that Twitter has accepted the claim. Then after that upon fans reach out we shared what happened. We tolerated this for 2 years as Belle was just a spinoff but they continue to bring her“

So, yeah. He’s supposedly believed this the whole time, but IDW ignored him because of course they did. (Lord knows how, exactly, he tried to contact them in the first place, or if he even sent his pitch to the right email.) It was Jen Hernandez publicly calling him out over the DMCA on Twitter that was the last straw, and now he’s making this extremely public in retaliation

2. He now seems to be demanding that IDW simply alter Belle’s face “to avoid any resemblance to other copyrighted work in US.” This would be reasonable if he had a case, but, again, he did not invent the concept of a character having a clown nose and freckles

3. I previously said the guy was from Italy (both his ArtStation account and the unsuccessful Kickstarter for the Boingkid game have their locations set as Rome, and the demo was shown at an expo in Rome), but people dug up the copyright registration for Boingkid and found out that he’s originally from Iran. Either way, t’s likely that a language barrier is part of the confusion here, as his English isn’t the best (although it’s certainly readable)

4. Much of his case, as he presents it on Twitter, is predicated on Twitter support believing him when he filed his DMCA claims. This obviously doesn’t hold any water as social media companies accept false DMCA claims all the goddamn time due to the inherently flawed nature of the law, but his fundamental misunderstanding of how this system works may be partially due to that language barrier

5. People keep comparing this guy to Penders. I just want everyone to understand that, even with his outlandish claims about Julie-Su and Shade being legally the same character and things like that, even Penders has waaaaaaay more to back up his argument there than Boingkid guy has against Belle. Penders worked on Sonic for 13 years and the BioWare team literally said they were inspired by the comics. Boingkid guy is just some fucking guy no one’s heard of who allegedly got ghosted on a pitch to IDW. There’s no reason to believe that Evan even knew who he was before Friday

6. There’s a lot of question about the guy’s motives. Whether he actually believes this, or if it’s just a publicity stunt. I don’t think there’s any reason it can’t be both. He absolutely seems to believe his claim, at least to some extent, but he also seems to be relishing the attention

I feel cynical for saying this, but like. The guy’s been trying to make Boingkid a thing for years. The Kickstarter in 2017 only got nine backers for a total of $667 against a $53,000 goal. The team moved to a Patreon page which is now all but dead. If we believe his claim that he pitched the comics to IDW, that went nowhere. The demo for the game got a few positive previews, but as a dev myself believe me when I say that in this day and age a few blog posts are not enough to move the needle on their own. Again, I sympathize with the guy on that level, because he’s a good artist and GOD is it hard to make it out there even when you’re giving it your all. But this controversy is by far the most attention Boingkid as a brand has ever gotten. Thousands upon thousands of quote tweets for an account that had 150 followers at the start of this, and that follower count has only been going up. As they say, any press is good press. It’s hard not to look at that and assume the worst. If he had actually designed a character that was much more similar to Belle, or if I believed even for a second that Evan was the type of person who would plagiarize someone else’s work like that, then this would be different. But when the argument is so flimsy...?

I don’t believe he’s purely a troll, as some artists really are just like this. (Lord knows I’ve seen some people get in extremely heated feuds over superficial similarities between furry OCs and the like.) But at the same time, I do believe that at this point he’s acting in an intentionally incendiary way to get attention. Whether it’s a desperate attempt to drive attention to the Boingkid IP after years of floundering, or it’s purely to try and get IDW to respond to a genuine plagiarism claim and right a perceived wrong and nothing else, I can’t say. It’s quite likely a mixture of both, though

But either way, this whole situation continues to suck. I hope this is resolved soon. Belle’s a great character, and Evan, Jen, and anyone else who just wants to draw Belle in peace doesn’t need this hanging over their head

#tkp post

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absolutebl · 3 years

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This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that.

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned.

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t?

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY? Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me.

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love.

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate.

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer.

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes.

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug*

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing.

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run.

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th.

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV.

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too?

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops.

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad)

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it.

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish.

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose.

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me.

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tilynation · 3 years

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u dont have to post this ask cause i dont want antis using this to circle jerk but i cant seem to find any gay rumors of lily aside from rihanna in the lchat. the models thread dont even think she’s bi. can u post the links to her gay rumors if you have them? i recall some tily shippers saying she had rumors with freja and gemma?

Questions About Lily’s Sexuality

Thanks for the ask. I posted it because I’m not worried about antis. I’m confident in my research, we are just here to have fun, and we have a good community of people who want to talk all things gaylor. I have not encountered any antis directly on the blog or in my asks except for one fervent Kaylor fan who has been harmless. I like Kaylor by the way and think that both Kaylor and Tily could have happened. They don’t negate each other or interfere with each other if you believe a realistic Kaylor timeline. On to your questions about Lily . . . and an update at the end.

Lily is Bi / Some Form of Queer / Label Free

Let’s start with Lily’s interviews about Rihanna. They predate their hookup/fling/situation. Lily openly expressed her huge and lasting crush on Rihanna several times in print interviews. This alone proves some form of queer. We’ll go further, but this answers the question of whether she’s straight.

Lily also posted about her being fruity, liked posts that tagged her about being label free (and used a picture of her) and supported gay rights/marriage equality without ever calling herself an ally. She posted with rainbows and wearing rainbows more than usual in 2016/2017. She makes the V sign around her mouth or other p***y licking signs in photos often. It’s the most I’ve ever seen from anyone.

Lily / Rihanna

Check the Rihanna or Lihanna tag on the blog. I’ve posted about this a considerable amount beyond what’s on L Chat. They most likely had something. The infamous pic touching Rihanna in the club during Paris fashion week, the report of them making out at a party (from someone credible who posted under his real name), following Rihanna around for about 6 months across the country, etc.

Lily/Rihanna happened at the end of or after Cyprien, Lily’s boyfriend from 2013-2015. Cyprien does not “debunk” Tily (sorry to the few Taylor/Joe blogs I’ve seen say this). They don’t overlap at all and Lily was not seen with him after 2015. I’ll even give you a visit to his country in early 2016 with her friends but there’s literally nothing after that. Cyprien ending by early 2016 and Rihanna ending after Coachella/LA in Spring 2016 give us the lead up to Taylor/Lily during Taylor’s chaotic Spring/Summer of 2016 and then the Tily Autumn.

The New York Crew

Lily has been a part of a known group of NYC/European lesbian and bi women for the past several years. It’s mentioned on the L Chat and is well-documented on Instagram. I’ve posted about it a bit on the blog and have received submissions from anons who know this info too. I also know she’s in the group because I know someone who dated one of her friends in the group. When her friends wanted to see her during the Tily years, they had to go to London because she wasn’t in NYC anymore. (Part of the extensive proof that Lily moved to London when Taylor said she moved there with her London lover). My personal head canon is that Lily tried to find someone in the wealthy lesbian/bi women group, then tried it with Rihanna, tried it with Taylor (and tried to get Taylor to come out/commit a bit), then when that didn’t work out took the path of least resistance to a well off life by hooking up with a billionaire who she knew liked her.

Freja / Gemma / Models Thread

Lily’s rumors with out lesbian model Freja are from the L Chat. They hung out a lot outside of work for a few years before Cyprien.

I saw some early Tily fans mention Gemma but I haven’t found anything regarding her and Lily that would make me think they were more than friends but I haven’t looked at Lily much during the aughts. If I find something, I’ll post it, but Gemma is not important to Lily’s sexuality or relationships.

The Models thread on L Chat has their favorites and that’s fine. They didn’t keep up with Lily on that thread. Lily was posted about elsewhere on L Chat where the general consensus is bi. Funnily, the one time Lily got mentioned on the Models thread they thought she had something with Karlie based on this night :

Polo Club / Country Club St. Tropez

What Taylor and Lily had together was fun while it lasted and we can look back on it with fondness. It was a good two years, maybe a bit more. It’s most likely been over since 2019. Lily went off social media in January 2020, deleted the “AT” and ♥️ emoji from her birthday post for Taylor right before Miss Americana and The Man were released, and headed off to the modeling industry’s retirement life - the girlfriend and likely baby mama for a billionaire, a man about 6 times richer than Taylor. Lily was recently tagged by the social account for his polo club in St. Tropez (no photos of her) as presumably at one of the events a few weeks ago. Alshair was tagged also as were a bunch of rich dudes who won some polo cup. The photos of Alshair’s polo and country club on this account look exactly like the scene described in “Cowboy Like Me,” with Lily likely telling the rich people what they want to hear. It would be nice if she came back to the fashion world, even if not to model, but I don’t begrudge her the life she chose.

The ironic part of the Polo Club St. Tropez is Lily first went there on July 19, 2016. I posted about that date in my “Cruel Summer” post.

That was the first day of Leo’s gala and the yacht everyone was on was Alshair’s. That was presumably when Lily first met Alshair. There are videos of her riding horses at the Polo Club on 7/19, so either she mentioned it or Alshair knew she liked horses and set it up for her to ride there during the Leo’s gala trip. Fast forward 5 years - Tily is over and Lily is the likely girlfriend of the billionaire owner of the polo club.

“Breakable Heaven” indeed.

#wlw #wlw love #queer #label free #lihanna

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duggardata · 4 years

Text

Denver + Praise Are Engaged

It’s Official! Here’s What We Know, So Far.

As suspected, Denver is involved with his Older Sister Allison’s Sister–In–Law, Praise. (Praise is Allison’s Husband’s Sister.) Denver + Praise appear to have been involved since June 2020, if not before, but the Bontrager Family hadn’t officially confirmed anything. Finally, last night (November 30, 2020), Marlin + Becky posted on the Bontrager Family Blog, announcing that Denver + Praise are engaged.

Denver Elliot Bontrager, 20 (DOB December 5, 1999), is the 6th of 10 Children born to Marlin + Becky (Stolzfus) Bontrager of Kalona, Iowa. He works on the family farm and tours with the family band (The Bontrager Family Singers). He plays guitar, violin, and mandolin. Denver was homeschooled, and graduated early in 2016. Currently, he’s the oldest Bontrager living at home. His 5 Older Siblings—Chelsy Maxwell, Allison Helferich, and Mitchell, Carson, and Joshua Bontrager—are all married, as of 2020.

Praise T.L. (“The Lord”) Helferich, 25 (DOB January 6, 1995), is one of Kevin + Lisa Marie (Dahmen) Helferich’s 11 Children. The Helferiches live in Mountain Lake, Minnesota, and do mission work in Mexico. Basically nothing is known about Praise’s education, employment, skills, or interests.

Siblings Marrying Siblings

Soon, 2 Bontragers (Denver and Allison) will be married to Helferiches (Praise and Jeremiah). Weirdly enough, this isn’t the first time this has happened—2 Bontragers (Carson and Josh) married Bowers Sisters (Carolina and Cassidy) back in September 2017. No other Predictor Family has ever had 2 Children marry into the same family.

Relationship Timeline

Pre–Courtship. Literally, no idea. Can’t estimate a Pre–C.S. Date.

Courtship. Honestly, not sure. Can’t estimate a Courtposal Date. During the Bontrager Family Singers’ Summer Tour, Liz introduced Denver and said: “He praises the Lord every day for a certain young lady from Minnesota!” Duggar Data thinks she first said this on June 13, 2020, which was the first concert in the 2020 Summer Tour. She said it again at concerts on July 12, July 15, and possibly others. So... Apparently, Denver + Praise were together by June, at least. Still, this isn’t really enough to give us a Courtposal Date. Sad!

Engagement Date. Again, we don’t really know. But... The Bontrager Blog announced it on November 30, 2020 at 11:17 PM. Duggar Data thinks that’s significant, and possibly evidence that he’d just proposed. (Why else would they post so weirdly late?) Additionally, the Bontragers have historically not waited to announce proposals. With the exception of Chelsy’s, all Bontrager Engagements were announced Same Day or 1 Day Later. (Chelsy married a Maxwell, and they’re weirdly secretive about relationships.) Based on this, I plan to use November 30, 2020 as Denver’s Estimated Proposal Date.

Age at Courtship / Age Gap

Since we don’t have an Estimated ‘Courtposal’ Date for Denver + Praise, their data isn’t impacting Age at CS, right now. (Their Age at CS displays as “?” in my spreadsheets.) If we later learn their Courtposal Date, their data obviously would factor in. I’ll keep y’all updated.

Just to give you the gist... Let’s say Denver + Praise started courting on June 13, 2020, the day Liz first teased Denver about his ‘special lady.’ On June 13, 2020, Denver was Age 20.52 and Praise was Age 25.43. Bontrager Sons (and Sons–In–Law) typically court at Age 22.74 (SD 2.53 Years) and their Daughters (and DILs) typically court at Age 22.86 (SD 2.73 Years). Denver was 2.21 Years Younger (–0.88 SD) than that and Praise was 2.57 Years Older (+0.94 SD). But like I said, I’m not factoring in their data, yet. We don’t have a CS Start Date.

Let’s talk Age Gap! Denver is 4.91 Years (or 1,794 Days) Younger than Praise. While most Predictor Couples’ Age Gap favors the man, the Bontrager Family isn’t as rigid about this. (Thus far, 50% of 2nd–Generation Bontrager Couples has an Older Woman.) Denver + Praise’s Age Gap is the Largest Age Gap for Bontrager Couples, however... And, their Age Gap is >2x that of the second–place couple, Allison + Jeremiah (722 Days Apart, Favoring Her).

When Will They Tie The Knot?

Typically, Bontrager Engagements last 105 Days (~3.4 Months), but it varies by a Standard Deviation (SD) of 24 Days. Thus far, the Shortest Engagement was Allison + Jeremiah’s (77 Days), while the Longest was Carson + Carolina’s (136 Days). All Bontrager Couples have wed on Fridays or Saturdays—3 Saturdays (Chelsy, Mitchell, Allison), and a Friday Double Wedding (Carson / Josh).

If Denver + Praise are exactly ‘typical,’ they’d marry after 105 Days. Given the Estimated Proposal Date of November 30, 2020, that’d be March 15, 2021—a Monday. Sincerely Doubting they’ll wed on Monday, let’s adjust it to Saturday, March 13, 2021. Assuming Engagement Length is normally–distributed, odds are ~68% that they’ll wed between February 19–April 8, 2021. The Fridays or Saturdays in that range are February 19, 20, 26, and 17; March 5, 6, 12, 13, 19, 20, 26, and 26; and April 2 and 3.

On the Bontrager Blog, Marlin stated (in a comment) that Denver + Praise will wed in March. An unverified registry (on Amazon) indicates the Wedding Date will possibly be March 20, 2021. If so, their engagement would be only 5 Days Longer than Average, and the Predictor would be off by just 1 Week. Not bad!

#denver and praise

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theonetheycallhannah · 4 years

Text

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 13: SNAFU

Characters: Captain Syverson, various original minor/supporting characters.

Summary: Sy has some time to think about his past, present, and future while roughing it in the Virginia wilderness which leads him to a revelation about what he really wants…but is it too late?

Need to start from the beginning? Miss an update because Tumblr? Click me!

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings: Mild language, mature themes, military and weapon terminology, discussion, and use. (For those who don’t know, SNAFU is a term coined in the military. It’s an acronym for “Situation Normal, All Fucked Up.” And since this is from Sy’s perspective, I thought a military term, as opposed to a therapy term would be appropriate.)

Author’s Note: Despite this being the longest chapter, clocking in at almost 5k, it was one of the easiest to write, and came the quickest. I love writing from Sy’s perspective, and the pure love he has for Shane. I’m hoping to be able to write a bit more of his POV before the story is complete. We’ll see. I apologize if it seems like one long rant about Sy’s feelings…I guess that’s what it is, with various activities peppered in. He can be a sensitive guy, and I wanted to show that.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

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Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@

Sy was no whimp. That much was certain. Missouri winters had toughened him up more than most men in his battalion and most of the participants in the training he was currently undertaking.

But it was more than that. Sy was uniquely prepared for the elements. He remembered a particularly harsh December night during Christmas break, before he joined the service when he was home alone and had to let the dog out. Fool that he was, he wore no shoes. Greater fool, he'd allowed the door to the back yard to close…and unfortunately, it had a tendency to lock. Which it did. He tried fruitlessly for a while to break back in, but being without a cell phone, he knew he'd have to walk a good distance for help with the lock.

He slipped out the gate and started up to the road, to follow it to his grandparents a few miles away. The county road wasn't the best kind for walking, particularly barefoot in the late fall, but his feet were soon too numb to feel the gravel and whatever else was lacerating the soles of his feet. After about an hour, he made it there, shivering, knocking frantically and waking his frail old grandparents up to rescue him from his own negligence. He'd regret that until the day he died. Not that they were angry about it. They shrugged it off. His grandma cleaned the blood and dirt from his feet and bandaged the shallowed abrasions. They didn't look too bad, considering the area they lived in and the trash that could have been waiting to carve him up. Then she set about cleaning up Sy's messy footprints from her normally immaculate floor. Grandpa looked all over for their spare keys to Sy's and his mom's house, and finally found them. He lent him a pair of shoes, drove him back home, and let him in the house. After that, Sy found himself eager to spend time outdoors during colder weather. As if determined to build up a tolerance to it in case he ever found himself in such a situation again.

Now, despite the time of year being only late August, it was unseasonably cool, especially at night, as if Christmas was right around the corner, and Sy was wishing more and more that he had someone to cuddle with during the nights he'd be doing cross country training here at the beautiful Shenandoah National Park. He had packed only the essentials for the expedition, a mess kit, bed roll, canteen, modest rations, first aid supplies, et cetera, plus a rope and a tarp for building a shelter. On his person, he had a compass, a topographical map of the park with checkpoints indicated, waterproof, strike-anywhere matches, a hunting knife, a tactical knife, an M17 pistol, and three .9mm clips. He was also given a flare gun to use in case he got stuck for any reason and needed extraction.

On his first night in the wilderness, he'd taken a lot of time falling asleep. Thinking.

He thought about his last week at home. He wondered how Mr. and Mrs. Stevens were doing with Aika. Shane had offered to watch her, and he considered it. He had appreciated her eagerness to help after her…less than enthusiastic response to hearing about this trip. But he decided since Aika had a close relationship already with Fred and Caroline, and she was still getting to know Shane, they'd better be the ones to take her. She understood, and had offered the second reason that since she worked so much, she wouldn't be able to give her the kind of attention she was used to. That had made a lot of sense. He felt like kind of a bad dog parent for not thinking of it, himself.

He thought about the week he'd been here already at the compound. His first day filling out paperwork, he was asked for an emergency contact. He was used to putting his mom…but she wasn't in the best of health, herself. He had nobody. Nobody but Shane. He put her down, instead of his mom. He thought about the seminars on company approved methods of subduing and detaining targets and combatants. He should have taught Shane some self-defense moves before he left. She could handle herself, and she'd proven so, but still. A refresher, or an advancement on one's skills was always a good idea. But he was sure she'd be fine. He thought about her the most in the torturous policy and procedure lecture. What he wouldn't'a given to have her here with him. She would have made everything fun. And she would have been a way better study partner than Keith. Keith, a Navy vet from Little Rock was a good guy…he just…didn't get Sy's jokes. He was a very literal kind of thinker, and it took extra effort for Sy to communicate with folks like that.

Shane, though…he and Shane wouldn't have gotten too much done, study-wise. They would have been…distracted.

As he hiked along the trails to his first checkpoint, he breathed in the clean, crisp air and stopped at the odd overlook here and there. The park was nestled on the outer edge of the Blue Ridge Mountains, and they were too gorgeous not to appreciate while he was here. He found himself…uniquely emotional. He didn't feel lonely often, but since he'd met Shane, he'd hardly gone two days without seeing her, even if it was for just an hour. She'd love all of this. She'd probably want a tent, and coffee in the mornings, so they wouldn't be able to travel quite as light, but they'd make it work. Maybe one day they'd take a trip like this. Just for fun. No checkpoints. No deadlines. No semi-automatic weapons…well, honestly, he'd probably still bring a gun, anyway. You never did know about people these days, he thought. Of course, that's probably what people think of me carrying a pistol, he also thought…anyway, he was almost to the checkpoint.

Said checkpoint was a big tent, like the ones they sold fireworks out of leading up to Fourth of July. Inside there was a single lane shooting range set up down one half of the tent. On the other half, there were stations set up with dismantled weapons that you had to assemble in a certain amount of time. Someone had beaten him to the range, so he started with the guns. No problems whatsoever. He was familiar more or less with all of the models, or some version of them. When the previous participant, a small blonde woman, had finished on the range, Sy stepped up to the counter.

The attendant reset the target for Sy so he could do a close range shot, then again for mid and long range ones. He shot well, although he still wasn't used to the lighter weight of the SIG Sauer M17s the armed forces switched to back in 2017. They'd offered him an M18 at the compound, but he favored the heaver pistol, instead. Maybe the M18 was more packable, but Sy just didn't feel right firing a weapon that felt like a feather in his hand. If it was up to him, he'd take a Colt Python .357 Magnum Revolver. That, however, was more than just a question of how the firearm felt in his hand. Being out in the wilderness like this made him think back to how it must have been before these lands became civilized and gentrified. Back to the days of the cowboy, Wyatt Earp and the OK Corral. Back when it was just the wild and free land he could pretend it was now. He thanked the attendant, who was writing his name on his targets to take back to the compound along with his graded weapon assembly timesheets, and then was back on his way.

There was an eerie beauty about this unsullied land, he thought, as the dusk fell the second night of the excursion and he began setting up his camp about halfway between the first and second checkpoints, by his estimation. With his fire built and his shelter up, Sy took out some of his rations, cured meat, hard cheese, and some walnuts, and had a light supper before cleaning his gun and turning in while the ground still held some heat from the waning sun, wishing again as the cold set in that his woman was there to warm him.

His sleep was fitful. And he awoke before dawn, from dreams he couldn't remember but which still left him feeling empty. They must have been about her. He was starting to feel regret. The last time he'd seen Shane, he'd said some things that he meant to be selfless. But he didn't mean them. He meant the parts about loving her, of course. But the last thing he wanted was to come home and find her moved on with someone else. He couldn't stand to think about it. As he walked into the next checkpoint area, the range was already set up for close range firing. He riddled the target with .9mm holes and could barely wait until the attendant got the fresh sheet set to mid range before he began firing.

"How about you let me fully clear the lane before you start on the long range target, okay, Syverson?"

"Sorry, man. I'm a little…on edge today. Won't happen again."

The short, sandy-haired buck trotted out to replace the riddled sheet with one more for the long range leg, pulled it down and lacked it in to long range position, then hoofed it back up to safety, sensing the captain's impatience. Sy shot cleanly, but with cold anger, as if the silhouette on the page out there was trying to take Shane away from him. He put two square in the chest, and two in the head without hesitating.

"Man, I've never seen a long range shoot like that! What's the deal, you pissed at an ex, or something?" Sy checked the man's lapel for a name tag.

"Not exactly, Mister…Daniels."

"Call me Jack." they shook hands, and Sy chuckled, questioning.

"I'm Sy. You're name is Jack…Daniels?"

"Yes sir. No relation to the Lynchburg Daniels, unfortunately. Momma wanted to name me after her granddad, and my old man, well, he had no problem with it given his affinity for the spirit."

"A wise man, your dad. Some of my best nights have included Tennessee Number 7." He didn't elaborate, but he was getting very specific flashbacks of drinking games in his kitchen with Shane. And he was gonna have to shake it off before the weapons assembly drill, or else he'd end up putting together an assault rifle backward.

He made it through without any trouble, thank the good Lord. But that didn't mean that his mind wasn't still reeling. He was thinking of Shane and the possibility that she was being courted by Chris Evans look-alikes and young Harrison Ford doppelgangers, and it was making him furious. He was pretty sure that she was about as interested in taking a break as he was, but he couldn't help himself from making the offer under the circumstances. He kicked himself as he made his camp for the evening, not very far away from the third checkpoint, but too far away to get there by dusk when the daily deadline was. He was a shoe in to get there first in the morning, though, if he was reading his map correctly, and he was damn good at maps, if he did say so, himself. And who would bitch at him for bragging out here, anyway. The odd cricket or squirrel? He didn't think so.

It was colder tonight, and he was thankful that he thought to boil some water for his canteen and put it at his feet. He curled his surly, burly body up under the layers of blanket and thermal sheeting. He was almost warm enough…but he still needed something.

His sleep was plagued by strange dreams that he unfortunately remembered tonight. The scene began with Shane in a bright pink dress and matching gloves, dripping with diamonds, like Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. She looked so glamourous and beautiful, but she was getting passed from man to man to the tune of Madonna's Material Girl, which was not the correct song, and he knew it in that moment, but couldn't correct anyone, because it was all playing out on the big screen TV in his basement. When he realized this he turned it off and noticed a familiar head of hair on his lap and stroked it, about to say "Hey, sunshine." until the figure sat up and looked at him, and it was Jordan, the PTA, batting his eyelashes at him, and asking, "You ready for bed, babe?" The therapist leaned in for a kiss, but Sy leaned back, tumbled off the couch and landed on those crutches again, standing right in front of Shane in the lobby of the therapy clinic.

"Hey sunshine." he said warmly. She looked confused.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"Well…I should hope so…it's me. Sy."

"Sorry, not ringing any bells. I'll look you us and see who you're with, though. Usually Heather tells the new patients which therapists they get their first day. What's your last name?"

He felt like he was getting kicked in the gut with a soccer cleat worn by the Incredible Hulk. He answered with defeat.

"Sy's a nickname. Last name Syverson, first name Logan."

"Oh, there you are. Looks like Cory gets to take care of you today. I'll let him know you're ready. As long as you're all done with the secretaries?"

Sy nodded and collapsed to the floor blacking out. When he woke up, his neighbor, Mr. Stevens was standing over him, insisting it was time for him to get ready. He kept handing him things to put on. Pants, a nice shirt, a vest, a light blue tie, a jacket, nice shoes. The whole enchilada. They got out of Fred's car at a little white chapel outside which, his neighbor pinned a small boutonniere of powder blue hydrangeas to his lapel and walked in with him.

"Come on, boy. She'll be here any minute."

Sy was nervous, but excited. He was obviously marrying Shane. But he couldn't remember proposing, or planning the wedding, or an engagement party, or bachelor party, or rehearsal dinner, nothing…but none of that mattered. He heard the first notes of "Here Comes the Bride" and everything faded away, anyway. He began to cry as she got closer. She was moving slowly, he presumed out of nerves. Or perhaps she'd chosen the wrong shoes. It didn't matter. They'd dance the night away barefoot, and make love until dawn. He wished her veil wasn't so thick. He couldn't even see her bouquet. Let alone her stunning face, no doubt smiling as she cried with him. When she stood in front of him, he broke protocol and removed the veil to find Aika in a white dress on her hind legs panting, tongue lolling happily to one side.

"You may now kiss the bride." said the wizened old minister, causing Aika to knock Sy to the ground licking his face until he blacked out again.

This time, he woke to the chirping birds of a mountain morning in Virginia. His campfire long snuffed, his canteen now chilled as his blood. Those dreams…those were traumatic. He didn't want Shane to see anyone else. The thought of seeing anyone else himself repulsed him. Thinking about what his life would have been like if they'd never gotten to work together made him physically ill, and he was terrified that if he didn't act on these feelings, he'd end up with no one but his dog. Why did it take a trip out of state and all these nights of solitude to figure this out? She was all that mattered. He could dig ditches, flip burgers, get a teaching certificate and coach, or teach gym. Whatever. He also liked history. He could think of something if the people at Secure Source couldn't keep him in consistent work. It would be fine. He understood his purpose now. And it wasn't just to do his duty to his country. He'd served proudly for years. He had a new purpose now. And it was her.

He packed up camp in what he was sure was record time and hauled ass to the last checkpoint where the brass should be waiting for finishers. He was the first one there this morning, but he wasn't sure if anyone had made it yesterday. He didn't try to make small talk with the attendant today. He was on a legit mission to get back to his locker at the compound, turn his phone on and call Shane. He fired four shots, but only made two holes on the long range target. One in the chest, one in the head. The attendant was impressed, giving the highest possible grade.

"Man, Syverson. I pray I never do anything to piss you off."

Sy nodded in acknowledgement and went on to the weapons drill booths. Today, there were distracting sound effects playing on a speaker in each booth, and each one was different. Sy ignored the cacophony, pretending it was white noise, and focused on the puzzles at hand, breezing through the new weapons in better time than ever.

As his cards were being scored and turned in for review to Jane Freitag, the administrator over acquisitions and training, he got himself a cup of coffee and a doughnut, and just observed her, tactically, and objectively. She was a redhead with sharp features, freckles, and light eyes. She was slender, but dressed simply, and modestly. The consummate professional. Sy had honestly barely registered her gender, and it wasn't because she wasn't beautiful. She was. Full red lips, lashes for days, and although her clothes didn't exactly accentuate her shape, he could tell he had a decent figure. He just wasn't interested. And would never be interested in anyone but Shane again. Miss Freitag startled him out of his thoughts.

"Mr. Syverson." She beckoned him to the entrance to the tent near her vehicle.

He picked up his gear and coffee and trotted over to her.

"Ma'am?"

"Jane, please."

"Sy, then, for me. What's next on the agenda?"

"Well, you're the first participant across the finish line. I'm very impressed. It seems as though you almost could have finished last night."

"Yes, ma'am, if I hadn't taken a little extra time for sightseeing, I might have made it here by dusk last night. I just haven't had the hustle I had today."

"Well, that's nothing to sneer at. Normally, the deprivation of food, regular water supply, and proper sleeping conditions make participants sloppy. The opposite seems to be true for you, as you've done better at each checkpoint than the one before. Now, let's get back to the compound and get you a proper meal, and a shower, and talk about what's next for you here at Secure Source."

"Yeah, about that. Before we go much further with this, I need to know one thing."

"What's that?"

"I need to know if you'll be able to find me work near enough to St. Robert and the base there so that I don't have to relocate and travel all the time. I've got a life there, and…it's not something I can just pick up and move on a whim, and I don't want to be away for weeks and months at a time. I know I made this trip work, but I'm praying it didn't already ruin everything." He wasn't going to waste time mincing words. He needed to know right away or else this wouldn't work.

"Sy, with your talent…they're gonna want to put you on the high profile cases. Celebrity security. Concerts, movie premiers, things like that. You'll be wasted as a small town rent-a-cop." there was true concern in her face and her voice as she drove them out of the park and onto the main road to Secure Source's compound.

"If there's a need I can fill, how is that a waste? There's lots of talent in this program. Just 'cause I finished first don't mean I did it the best. And I'm sure most of these folks have the people skills to take them farther'n me. And if you wanna gimme first crack at those, I'll hear ya out. Just…let me reserve the right to turn down the out of town jobs. Especially if they're short notice. And if it takes me away from another security job, I want you to send me a replacement a few days in advance so I can meet 'em, train 'em, and introduce 'em around."

"Seems reasonable." Jane said.

"Well, alright, then. I think we got ourselves a deal. I'll shower up in the locker room real quick, then meet ya in the commissary for a sandwich so we can handle the particulars?"

"Sure, Sy." she agreed as they pulled into the parking structure.

They went their separate ways, Jane to her office, and Sy to the quartermaster to return his supplies and get the key to his locker. He practically danced there, he was so giddy to get to call Shane. He did need a quick shower first, though. Which he took, grabbing some shampoo and soap out of his travel bag. When he got back to his locker, towel around his waist, he replaced the products and grabbed his phone. He sat on the bench between the rows of lockers as it booted up.

When it did, it began alerting him as if it's life depended on it. Three text messages, three voicemails, … and twenty four missed calls. That was odd. Maybe a telemarketer had gotten his number.

He checked the texts first. One was a picture of Aika from Fred, his neighbor, the other two were from Shane…two days ago. The day he went into the park.

Hey, hope you have a great first day of Survivor: Virginia! Lol! Be safe! I love you!

OMG, nutty day today! I'm gonna be doing notes for hours! I'll text you in the morning! <3

And then nothing…he chuckled at Survivor: Virginia, but was a bit concerned. Maybe she'd decided not to waste time texting him if he wasn't going to respond? He didn't know. Maybe some of the calls or voicemails were from her. He'd check before calling.

One from his mom, one from the Stephen's house phone, and the rest were from Fort Wood Therapy. That was weird. He was discharged and didn't have any appointments…surely he wasn't missing any…Shane would have said something. He listened to the voicemails. The first one was from Heather.

"Hey, Sy, it's Heather, Shane's friend here at therapy. Hey, give me a call when you get this. Thanks."

Weird…the next one was from Susan, Shane's boss. In the same tone.

"Captain Syverson, it's Susan DeForrest here at Fort Wood Therapy Clinic. Please give us a call when you get this. Thank you."

Again, weird. The last one was Susan again and far less friendly and measured.

"Mr. Syverson. I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but you need to bring Shane back to work and stop screwing around. One or both of you is in serious trouble. Either you're being hot-lined for abduction or she's fired for not showing up for work. The choice will be hers." and the line went dead.

Sy felt his stomach twist into nauseated knots at Susan's words. Shane hadn't been to work. For how long? He had to call them. He didn't want to think about the horror that might have befallen Shane while he'd been away.

"Fort Wood Therapy Clinic, this is Heather, how may I help you?" Heather said, trying to hide the obvious worry beneath the cordial demeanor.

"Heather, it's Sy, what the hell's going on with Shane? What do you mean, she hasn't been to work, I don't…"

"Let me give you to Susan, Sy. I'm sorry." She added the last two words in a whisper. After a brief moment on hold, Susan picked up.

"So, Mr. Syverson. Finally decided to call us back?"

"Cut it out, Susan." He let her blatant ignorance of his rank slide in favor of getting to the point. "Tell me what's going on."

"Shane left work Monday and hasn't been back since. No one has seen her. Apart from you, I presume. I knew letting her date a patient would come back to bite me. I should never have--"

"Shut up! This isn't about you, and it isn't because of you. And you had no right to tell Shane who she could and couldn't date, anyway. I haven't seen her in about a week and a half. I'm training out of state for a job. I've been away from my phone since Monday, and I just got back to it now."

"She isn't…with you? I assumed…"

"Well, you know what they say, Susan. I'm coming back early if I can manage it. See if I can do something to help find her. Thanks for calling me. I know your intentions weren't the best when you did, but ultimately, it worked out. I may not have found out otherwise, at least until… much later."

He hung up before she could respond. He had to talk to Jane about cutting his training short. This was all his fault. If he had just come to the realization of just how important, how vital Shane really was to him before he left…well he never would have gone in the first place. She was his life now. His world. His future, and his whole heart. Tears stung his eyes as he dressed to meet Jane in the commissary. She'd have to be okay with this. She'd have to understand.

As he got closer to the smell of fry oil, seasonings, and sizzling meat on a griddle, aromas that usually made his stomach grumble with hunger, he had to swallow back the bile that crept up his throat. He found her seated at a small round four-top, already eating a salad. He sat across from her, startling her from whatever she was reading on her phone, and again when she looked at his expression and complexion.

"Sy, what's wrong? You look downright green!"

"Listen, Jane, I'm going to have to leave training early." She scowled at him, but he was more concerned with the putrid smells of boiled egg and onion coming off her chef salad. He had to get this over with quick before he wretched in the middle of the mess hall.

"That's a big ask, Sy. Gonna have to have a reason."

"I just got a call that my girlfriend is missing. I need to go home and help find her."

"Oh…yeah, that's…that's some reason. I'm really sorry to hear that. Any leads so far?"

"No, I just got off the phone with her useless boss and all she told me was that she hasn't been to work since Monday and can't be reached on her phone. I have my suspicions, but I wanna talk to the authorities."

"Okay, well. Maybe when things calm down at home, we can set you up with some online courses like we do for our assets who need refreshers, but are on assignment. I'll approve that for you."

"Thanks," he said, gratefully, "I'm also wondering if the company has any…transportation solutions for me…of an immediate nature?"

"Man, what were your letters to Santa like as a child?"

"Oh, you know, a little red wagon, end of poverty, world peace…that kind of stuff." he grinned his most charming grin.

"Why am I not surprised? Okay, but you have to return the favor somehow, Sy."

"How about, one assignments of your choosing, no questions asked?"

"Hmmm, what about five assignments?"

"Three?" he countered.

"Done." they shook hands across the table. "I would have settled at two." she smirked.

"I would have done ten." he winked at her as he turned to retrieve his belongings from his bunk and locker. He had a plane…or perhaps a chopper to catch.

Up Next: Chapter 14: No Call No Show

#Sand Castle #netflix sand castle #captain syverson #captain syverson fanfic #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #sigh for sy

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leesh · 4 years

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because i have zero self control when it comes to christmas films and, well, cheesy christmas films are #life.

basically, i have developed a collection of favourites over the years, including both classic christmas films that are fun for the whole family and terrible, dripping with all our favourite favourite cliches hallmark christmas films, and yet i am still always on the hunt for more. so, i thought i would try a little thing to share them with everyone else as well (and actually remember them for future reference)!

check out the tag here i will try and remember to use as i live blog some of these movies or head on down below the cut to see all of the christmas films i’ve watched in 2020. thoughts and star ratings included! as expected, i will also be updating this as i watch more and more this holiday season (follow along on twitter too if you want).

note: since i LOVE terrible hallmark films, some that i give a higher rating will not actually be......critically acclaimed. i am just #obsessed and have my reasons as stated, i’m sure.

holidate (2020)

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | someone on letterboxd compared this movie to when you watch a rom com in sims and it’s just a bunch of random scenes that make no sense and they’re absolutely right. its only saviour is an australian dude and the line “so you know me well enough to cum in my mouth, but you don’t know me well enough to get me a christmas present?”

my christmas inn (2018)

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i’ll be honest, this film was pretty forgetful. i watched it over a month ago and don’t really remember what happened. however, i do remember being impressed that the leading lady wasn’t a stereotypical thin white woman. so i guess at least it has that going for it.

christmas made to order (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i actually thought this was pretty cute. it’s not the best, but also not the worst, so a decent medium if you need to fill up those figurative christmas stockings. the concept of hiring someone to decorate your entire house with no budget sounds pretty cool, but when the guy is aaron samuels and looks far from straight, it becomes a little questionable.

last christmas (2019)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | now this is not a cheesy hallmark film. in fact, i LOVE this film a lot and think i saw it twice at the cinema. last christmas is a top tier christmas song and i remember theorising about it when the trailer first came out, but i will say tissues may be a requirement to watch this. AND henry golding is my husband thank u and goodbye.

operation christmas drop (2020)

⭐️| first time watch | interesting concept in theory, but this is nothing more than US military propaganda and a cgi lizard. bonus: white saviourism.

the knight before christmas (2019)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | a medieval knight transported into today’s world and has never seen a car before can drive better than me. that’s it. that’s the movie. also, he literally says the words “modern technology is lit af” at one point. solid christmas film if you ask me.

the princess switch (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | i strongly believe in the vhcncu (vanessa hudgens christmas netflix cinematic universe). i also have so many questions, like how did they afford the flights or solid conversation or was it all expenses paid? how did they finish a bulk of the cake without a mixer? why does everyone always speak english with a posh english accent even though it’s a non-english european country?

the princess switch: switched again (2020)

⭐️⭐️| if we learnt anything from a christmas prince, it’s that sequels are generally never better than their predecessor. that being said, this was much less cute body swapping christmas fluff and a little more literal kidnapping and saving the day. either way, blonde vanessa was hot and i appreciated the amber/richard cameo that insinuates a christmas prince is actually a dramatic documentary.

midnight at the magnolia (2020)

⭐️⭐️| now if you’re after an absolute cheesefest that ticks the boxes on best friends meets fake dating over the holidays, then this is the movie for you! albeit it takes place between christmas and new year’s, it’s still filled with their families knowing they were soulmates the whole time and two people who are a literal too comfortable on the radio. also, the dad’s totally should’ve been gay. they had more chemistry.

christmas wonderland (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| tbh, i genuinely enjoyed this one. post breakup/high school sweethearts is a personal favourite trope of mine, so throw christmas & being forced to spend time together when she goes back home into the mix and i’ll have a serotonin explosion. bonus points for the guy telling the girl to go back to nyc to follow her dreams without being a dick. OH and the scene when he points a fuck load of sugar in his hot beverage.

a wish for christmas (2016)

⭐️⭐️| who doesn’t love a good office romance between a boss and an employee at christmastime? especially when you throw in a little christmas magic that makes her more confident that results in her finally getting what she deserves and having to travel and rekindle with his family? also, fuck them rich white dudes, but props to her for the significant job promotion.

christmas with a prince (2018)

⭐️| this was TERRIBLE and not in the good way. it featured: an entitled prince who suddenly had growth even though he did nothing to achieve it, majority of the film set in one hospital room, and the fact that she’s the only one with a tiara at the party filled with people who actually have titles. also, thought there was a decent ending but turns out there was still another 30 mins to go. ugh.

a royal christmas engagement (2020)

⭐️| don’t be fooled by the title. the engagement doesn’t happen til the last two minutes. it’s actually about a prince (bet you didn’t see that one coming) who travels to america, pretending to be his best friend who works for this major marketing firm because he’s tired of being the spare. this gets one star purely for the line “she’s not a commoner, patrick. she’s an american.”

christmas wedding planning (2017)

⭐️⭐️| it looked like it would be half decent, and while it’s definitely better than the last two, it was still pretty eh. i could get on board with her texting her dead mother’s number as a way to talk to her still, and i understand we all experience grief differently, but.....actively paying your mums phone bill 3 years later? girl. also, the end made me SCREAM. WHY DID THEY DO THAT!!!!

santa girl (2019)

⭐️| this was just painful to watch. evil jack frost makes memes in his free time, santa has a fancy car and doesn’t eat sweets, and there’s an odd comparison between the elves, minimum age workers, and racism. however, one star purely for the entertaining (read: bloody awful) tooth fairy cgi that gave me a right laugh.

the christmas chronicles (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| this was really cute and had the makings of what could be a christmas movie staple along with the likes of elf and the santa clause (but will never reach that standard, obvs). tbh, it’s just a nice heartwarming family christmas movie about two siblings who band together to help santa and save christmas. also, santa was a #dilf.

the christmas chronicles: part two (2020)

⭐️⭐️| one of these days i would love to see a sequel that’s better, or at least on par, with its predecessor, but that day is not today. sadly, this film lacked all the heart and magic the first one was filled with and some scenes were pretty redundant. kurt russell and goldie hawn, however... one star for each of them.

forever christmas / mr. 365 (2019)

⭐️⭐️| the title varies depending where you’re from, but that’s probably the most exciting part of this movie. a guy celebrates christmas 365 days a year and a reality show wants to invade his house? ok, sure. one star for the eye candy and one star for, surprisingly enough, their chemistry and all the kissing scenes that don’t usually make the mark in the hallmark world.

noelle (2019)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| did i renew disney plus just so i could watch this (and a couple of others)? maybe so... this movie is so fun! and family friendly! and is actually funny! it gives me major elf vibes, but if elf was set in a more modern day setting. either way, i had a great time and have been holding out on this one after loving it a lot last year!

the nutcracker and the four realms (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| anything nutcracker related is an instant win in my book because it’s my favourite ballet of all time (except for graeme murphy’s version, we don’t talk about that). does this movie actually deserve the four stars? maybe not. am i going to give them anyway purely for my love of the nutcracker and the soundtrack? absolutely!

#leeshmas2k20 #no one probably cares but i just thought it would be fun!#might actually post these on letterboxd too

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