#his face looked like nandor's but still

[beansprean]

Just a little convo that's been in my notes FOREVER because I meant to use it for something else, but it no longer fit after a while. Gave me a chance to practice painting lol

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(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1a. Close up on a side table in Nandor's crypt, laden with a glazed patterned vase, a wooden jewelry box, a line of books, and a single candle on an intricate vintage holder, lit and casting a warm orange glow on its surroundings. From offscreen, Guillermo says, "I've done a lot of thinking, and I've figured it out. I do want to be a vampire...but not for the same reasons I used to." 1b. Wide shot, knees up of Nandor and Guillermo standing facing each other next to Nandor's coffin, lit from the far side by candles. Nandor, wearing a typical tunic under a fur lined cape, stares quietly at Guillermo and idly knocks the knuckles of his left hand against the coffin lid. Guillermo, wearing a violet shirt and tie with red trousers and waistcoat, has his left hand in his pocket and his right placed palm-down on the coffin lid, a few inches from Nandor's. He looks at his right hand as he speaks: "The powers, the sexiness, the cool capes - I mean that's all great but I... I realize I could have all that as a human, too. And I have." 1c. Close up of their hands on the coffin lid as Guillermo's hand slides closer to Nandor's. He continues: "But what I want...what I really want...is to be a vampire..." 1d. Chest up of Guillermo as he looks up at Nandor with a confident smile, back straight, lit warmly by candles. He declares, "So I can stay here with you, forever. As part of this family."

2a. Reaction shot of Nandor, eyes shining as he raises his brows and fights down the happy, wobbly smile that threatens to take over his face. He echoes breathlessly, "With...me?" 2b. Wide shot, waist up of them both. Guillermo looks away with a flustered grin and clarifies, "Uh! Well, you know. With everybody. Nadja, and..." Nandor turns his head away as well, flustered and frowning, and mutters "Right, yes, of course." Guillermo continues, trailing off: "Laszlo..." Nandor grunts "Uh-huh." Their hands are still an inch apart on the coffin lid. Guillermo ventures, "But also..." 2c. Close up of their hands as Guillermo's slides closer again, the tips of his fingers bumping against Nandor's knuckles. Guillermo continues, "Specifically..." 2d. Close up on Guillermo from a slightly higher angle as he looks up at Nandor through his lashes with a shy smile and shining eyes, finally saying, "You." 2e. Reverse shot of Nandor from a slightly lower angle, looking down at Guillermo with open wonder.

3a. Waist up of them both in profile. Guillermo starts to say, "And I know that y-" but is interrupted when Nandor launches forward with his hands on Guillermo's cheeks and pulls him into a kiss. Guillermo's eyes fly wide, perhaps less surprised than he should be, and Nandor's close in something like relief. 3b. Repeat. Nandor's right hand remains on Guillermo's cheek as his left arm snakes around his upper back to hold him close. Guillermo presses into the kiss, opening his mouth to let in Nandor's tongue as his hands creep beneath Nandor's cape. 3c. Repeat. They continue to kiss, heads shifting to the side to allow Guillermo to slip his own tongue into Nandor's mouth. Guillermo has unfastened Nandor's cape and is letting it drop to the floor. Nandor's right hand has plucked off Guillermo's glasses and is holding them aloft as his left tugs at the knot of Guillermo's tie. 3d. Repeat. Nandor shifts his head to deepen the kiss further, right hand tossing Guillermo's glasses carelessly behind him and left curling around the back of Guillermo's neck. Guillermo, tie now loose and top shirt buttons unfastened, presses his left hand to Nandor's chest where his brooch has been removed to allow access to his undershirt. His right hand hovers behind Nandor's head. 3e. Repeat. The kiss finally breaks, but they do not go far, Nandor's left hand still hooked around the back of Guillermo's neck as he turns his head to kiss down his cheek. His right hand pushes Guillermo's vest off his shoulder. Guillermo turns his head into Nandor's, eyes still closed, and gasps out "Mm, you'll...ah..." His right hand is tangled in Nandor's hair and his left deftly snaps open Nandor's belt.

4a. Repeat. Nandor kisses his way down to Guillermo's throat, hands now pulling Guillermo's shirt from his trousers and sneaking his hands underneath. Guillermo arches his neck to allow him room to explore, right hand fisted in Nandor's hair to hold him there as his left slides under Nandor's open tunic front. Smiling with eyes closed in bliss, Guillermo continues, "turn me...after...right?" 4b. Repeat. Nandor pulls back from Guillermo's throat, eyes closed and smiling happily, to let Guillermo press kisses from his cheekbone to the corner of his mouth. Guillermo is pulling Nandor's tunics off his shoulders, the buttons on his undershirt undone and exposing his chest. Nandor's hands are busy at the front of Guillermo's shirt, pulling apart the remaining buttons. Nandor sighs, "Oh, Guillermo..." 4c. Repeat. Nandor fists his hands at the collar of Guillermo's now open shirt to pull him aggressively upwards, looming down on him nose-to-nose with a feral grin. He promises, "During." Guillermo melts and grins helplessly, hearts drifting around his head. /end ID

[ineffably-human]

Nandor's better to Guillermo than I remember from my initial watch. It's still regressive (and it was starting to head that way in 4x10 too, so maybe this just continues from there), he still has times he's thoughtless and dismissive. But he's the one advocating the others listen, and that they do nice things for Guillermo. He's noticed something is wrong just like Laszlo, he just comes to a different conclusion. He listens to an offhand remark from Guillermo that wasn't even directed at him, just to get him a present.

Any shittiness he's engaging in comes from the very idea of Guillermo being a vampire. (The way Nandor brings that up to the others almost feels like he's been floating the idea in his head, which is a whole other thing; I'll see if I'm right with more episodes I guess and we'll take it at face value for now.) And aside from not wanting that to happen because it would change things, maybe lead to Guillermo leaving, etc it's laughable to him right now for the same reasons it would have been laughable to him in season 1 or 2. Guillermo is a little more assertive than in those years, but he's completely returned to the familiar role. He's reacting to Nandor with fear, more than he did even then.

Guillermo's big attitude change came with being a slayer, and now he seems to have forgotten that completely to the point that he doesn't even consider it as one of the reasons the transformation hasn't worked. He wasn't ready, he was in pain, this isn't how he imagined it (insert @cookinguptales's excellent meta on how it's all a big metaphor for virginity loss). And right now he doesn't know what his body is doing, and he's walking around consumed with guilt and imposter syndrome. Becoming a vampire is making him forget other real, important parts of who he is.

I think it's very easy for the vampires to regress - because of time, stagnation, etc - to an earlier point. Guillermo's regression is just as rapid-fire but it's from trauma. His intense desire to not want to talk about it, to wait over two weeks before the camera crew wears him down enough. To try and describe the turning as sexier and more intense and life-changing than it was, only to be jump-scared by Nandor and reminded that what he did was a (fully justified) betrayal. Has he forgotten that if Nandor really did want to kill him, Guillermo's kicked his ass without his now-perfect vision, and has killed dozens of vampires at a time? Or is the thought of hurting Nandor and fracturing that relationship the thing that hurts far worse here?

I'm a little insane about how, while in the process of going behind Nandor's back, while he's right about to get the thing he's ostensibly attached to Nandor for, he's insisting that Nandor will eventually do right by him and really truly cares about him. So much that Derek again asks Guillermo if he's sure about this.

Even more than the love search stuff Nandor dealt with over two seasons, all of this seems tailor-made to address the big unspoken questions of their relationship. What does Guillermo hope to gain as a vampire? How much of that involves his feelings for Nandor? What matters most to Nandor when it's Guillermo vs his own pride, especially if there were a real threat of losing him? Can they actually find their way to eternity together, and what does that look like when they do?

Which is to say, it's absolutely happening this season. And shit's going to get insane on the way.

[nanawritesit]

WWDITS Headcanons: You Having the Opposite Aesthetic of Everyone Else at the Vampire Residence (fem!reader)

tw: vampires, blood, corpses, mentions of killing, mentions of virgins, immortality

you were brought into the house to work as nadja and laszlo’s familiar

after having so many familiars die on the job, they had pretty much lost hope that they would ever find one that was right for them

so when you of all people, with your brightly colored hair, glittery makeup, long nails, and hot pink platform boots, were still around after a few weeks, they knew you were special 💞

of course they had their doubts at first, thinking you were much too soft for the job based on your cute aesthetic, but you surprised them with how tough you were

you had no problem finding them victims, cleaning up blood stains, and disposing of corpses. the promise of eternal life was much too great for you to give up because of some gore

nadja is overjoyed to have another woman in the house, and quickly becomes more of a bestie than a boss (as long as you do all of your duties as a familiar too)

she requires you to attend weekly “girls nights” with her, the guide, and mini nadja, but even if they weren’t mandatory, you’d happily go along

sometimes you’ll get all dressed up and go clubbing, taking everyone’s drinks for them since they can’t ingest human food

you stick out like a sore thumb in your pink sequin mini dress and heels, the rest of them shrouded in black lace, but you have an amazing time regardless. they really know how to party!

but sometimes you just have sleepovers where you watch mamma mia and talk shit about all the men in the house

laszlo didn’t take you seriously at first. he never really saw the appeal of having a familiar, thinking he got along just fine without one, but wanted to please his good lady wife

he could never understand how nandor was so attached to guillermo. he was just some human who followed him around and did his bidding

that was, until you came along

he found it was really nice to have someone to practice his music with, to organize his library for him, to help him into his coffin every night… and after a while he really grew quite fond of you

which scared him, because he knew how fragile human life was

but that only made him want to keep you under his wing more, to protect you until the day him and nadja decided to turn you

they love having you accompany them on their nightly walks, carrying their parasol behind them as they bask in the moonlight

they’re super protective of you, especially from people who assume you’re an easy target because of your looks

like, if anyone tries to mess with you around them, lazslo will yell at them to go fuck off, and nadja will practically go feral and rip their heart out

you’ll have to BEG her not to hurt them for her to even CONSIDER letting them go 💀

nandor pretty much falls in love with you upon first sight

he absolutely adores your style, loving how unique it is compared to anyone else he knows

he tries and fails to flirt with you all the time while you’re working, until nadja eventually yells at him to leave you to your chores, and he’ll scuttle away bc he’s scared of her 😀

he sometimes asks you to do his makeup like yours, saying he wants to “glitter like twilight”

his undead heart stops when you lean close to his face to do his eyeliner 🥺

he desperately wants to ask you out but is terrified of what nadja would do to him should you agree

she thinks you’re MUCH too good for him

he eventually goes to laszlo for help, since he’s such an “expert” on modern women 💀

he agrees to help him, but tells him that if you guys start dating and he hurts you, he’ll kill him 😗

guillermo is honestly just so thrilled to have another human in the house to sympathize with him 😭

the two of you quickly become partners in crime, dragging bodies down the stairs together and recruiting virgins for your vampires to feast on

he also wouldn’t hesitate to slay any vampire who tried to feed on you

you always stick up for him when the vampires aren’t taking him seriously, which helps since they all value your opinion tremendously

nandor gets a bit jealous when he finds out that you and guillermo get lunch together everyday 😭

guillermo admittedly gets a bit jealous when you’re turned into a vampire before he is, but is obviously very happy for you

but since nandor has such a soft spot for you, you’re able to convince him to turn guillermo sooner :) that way you can be a big happy vampire family forever

collin robinson thinks you’re quite entertaining, although he gets frustrated at the fact that you somehow always dodge all of his attempts to drain your energy

when you go out on the town with everyone, you have major scary dog privilege

when you walk by, people see a pretty pink princess 💞

and then they see the three huge, dramatically dressed vampires, one emotionless suited man, and one monster slayer walking behind you and they’re like oh shit nvm 💀

[megaawkwardhuman]

OK SO HI long time no see (er post? or at least post like this)

my brain worms have been on and off for a bit but THE POSTER FOR SEASON 6 HAS GOT THEM ALL FIRED UP

so as I do when my brain is doing zoomies I'm gonna point at things!

right off the bat OMFG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

like the vibes here are just *chef's kiss* good shit right there

I know it's just typical wwdits promo stuff that guillermo has a wtf is going on what did I just get dragged into face but in this context with everyone looks like enamored to some degree with the house is giving character discovered big bad thing/the reason why things are fucked energy

also just over all love how guillermo looks here (like slay you horrified king <3)

WHY IS THERE 5 BATS!?!?

like ok only 4 of the main 6 cast are currently able to turn into bats so like HMMM?

save me vampire guillermo endgame vampire guillermo endgame vampire guillermo endgame save me

part of me only thinks that the bat is only there cuz guillermo used to be a vampire and the farthest bat is him moving on from wanting to be a vampire

buuuuuut that's not as fun so LET ME DREAM

speaking of the bats the grouping of the bats are ALSO interesting

just saying IF the 5th bat is supposed to guillermo that means the 2 paired off bats are probably nandermo given how they tend to stick together (I mean they're literally RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER in the poster)

now off the top of my head it could be referencing how nandor will be following guillermo as he tries to get a normal job or something like that next season (given that the lower of the 2 bats looks like they're going after the top bat who's going off somewhere away from the rest)

but come on we all know that we're low key hoping this means nandermo world trip part 2: it actually happens this time (like one bat is leading and the other is catching up)

if FOR SOME REASON isn't nandermo bats going off to do god knows what my only other theory is that it represents the guide and guillermo given that they're kinda outsiders?

eh still team nandermo bats

lighting go brrrr

that's it that's the comment

ok but like the house looks fucking evil here

I know they're prob going for a evil house on a hill/dracula's castle thing with that angle but with the way everyone is facing it and the way they all kinda look hypnotized by it the house ITSELF looks evil

the house is the real bad guy and controls everyone reveal next season!?!?! /j

and that's about all I have to word vomit for now

AHHHHHH CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVE A FUCKING RELEASE DATE NOW

[ink-through-her-veins]

“We did some focus groups, and viewers think you should kiss,” the producer said, motioning vaguely between Nandor and Guillermo.

Guillermo shot up off the couch. “What!?!”

“It’s for ratings. A little bit of steamy—“

“No, no.” Nandor kept shaking his head as though he could shake the mental image out of it. “Absolutely not. I’m his boss.”

“What?” Guillermo kept repeating the word over and over.

“Look, now you broke, Guillermo!”

The producer rolled his eyes. Nandor gave him a wide-eyed, begging look. The producer sighed.

With another eye roll he flatly added, “I’m just saying what my boss is saying, which is kiss or we’re pulling the plug.”

“Then we have no choice, Guillermo. We must kiss!”

“What!?!”

And the kiss turned out to be far less awkward than Guillermo imagined, and far better than Nandor could have ever dreamed—not that he dreamed of such things. Guillermo was his employee. His incredibly soft lipped, warm, and skilled kissing employee. It would be entirely—

The producer shook Nandor from his fantasies, where he still held Guillermo, and could relive the blissful kiss for hours. He shoved a hand in front of Nandor’s face.

“Worth it,” Nandor thought as he shoved a roll of money into the man’s hands.

After all it wasn’t like he could just ask to kiss Guillermo, or make a move on him. It would be such an abuse of power. He was his boss.

[darkshrimpemotions]

Light & Framing in WWDITS: Nandermo Edition

I really have to give props to whoever does the lighting and cinematography for What We Do In The Shadows. They took what could easily have been an excuse to cheap out on those things--the show's format as a half-hour comedy mockumentary--and said a resounding fuck that.

Every frame of this show is gorgeously and thoughtfully lit and shot and colored, and not just the big pivotal moments. Truly every shot. The sets and the costumes also do a lot of heavy lifting here, but still everything is framed so carefully and intentionally. And considering this show is at least 55% fucking improv? That is seriously impressive. I've seen big budget network cornerstone series take less care with their most pivotal moments than this show takes with like...any random moment (I know, I know, it's okay, I can say Game of Thrones).

Take this shot for example (thanks to @indashadows!):

Now bear in mind, this is ONE shot in ONE scene in an episode. An important scene, but not a long one. And yet in this scene, every single detail--from the actors' body language to the framing to the lighting to their fucking outfits--reinforces the underpinning context and subtext of the scene.

Look at Nandor. His posture is so open and vulnerable. He's facing directly toward Guillermo, looking slightly up at him actually instead of down at him like he usually would be. They're almost eye level but not quite. His face is fully lit, and his body is more in light than shadow, with the parts facing Guillermo lit and the parts facing away from him in deep shadow.

Nandor is being very open, honest, and vulnerable with Guillermo in this scene, probably more so than he's ever been before! All the pretense, the aloofness he usually hides behind is now shoved to the back. They're also on nearly equal footing compared to their usual situation, with Guillermo possibly having a slight upper hand due to how thrown everyone, including Nandor, is by the revelation that he's a vampire slayer.

(I know Nandor knew he killed Carol and the Baron, but given those were both accidents I think it's reasonable to say Nandor was still surprised about the slayer from a long line of notorious slayers aspect of the revelation.)

Another way to read this is that Nandor is at a disadvantage because of what he doesn't know in this scene, i.e. that Guillermo can leave any time he wants, that Guillermo has been listening to their conversations, and that Guillermo is using that information now to manipulate him. It's left somewhat up to interpretation whether Nandor actually knows any of this or not, so YMMV there. But the point stands that in either interpretation, Nandor is on his back foot here a bit and the framing and lighting of the scene reflects that.

Now contrast that with Guillermo. His posture is closed off, he's hunched in on himself. He's leaning toward Nandor, but he's not facing him or looking at him directly. His eyes are downcast. He's positioned a little above Nandor, but he's not acknowledging or reveling in that change of position in any way; in fact, he seems to be minimizing it with the way he's standing. Almost his entire body including his face is in shadow, with only the parts facing away from Nandor receiving any light.

Guillermo is not being vulnerable, open, or honest with Nandor in this moment. Whether Nandor knows everything or not, Guillermo thinks he's playing Nandor here. He thinks he has information Nandor isn't privy to (the hole in the cage and the hidden cameras) and knows things Nandor doesn't know he knows (the conversations he's overheard). Guillermo is normally much more open and vulnerable with Nandor, which often results in him getting his feelings (at the very least) hurt. But this is one time when he's consciously choosing to push his care for Nandor to the backburner in order to take care of himself for once.

(I also have FEELINGS about light representing emotional honesty and vulnerability between these two characters in the show about vampires and what they do in the shadows. Maybe I'll scream about them later.)

And here's the real kicker: they are so in odds with their approach here, their usual roles in the relationship are being reversed in ways neither is fully comfortable with...and yet they're still on the same damn page.

They both have the same ultimate goal in this scene: to get Guillermo out of the cage and have the other vampires in the house accept him and stop insisting on killing him. They are both trying to take care of Guillermo in their own ways. And as the show often does, it underscores this in part via the similarities in their outfits (but that is a WHOLE other fucking massive meta-post currently sitting in my drafts).

[gerandor]

It took Guillermo fifteen years to ask. Fifteen years mean nothing to a vampire; especially to someone as ancient and as disconnected from humanity as Nandor. But Nandor has come to understand that human lives are measured in tea spoons. They talk about hours and minutes and seconds. Nandor has no grasp on how long is a second. He used to think humans went on to live for at least two centuries. He thought Guillermo, the badass vampire slayer that he was, would live for three. But humans, no matter how fancy their ancestry, have no grasp on centuries.

Still, Nandor would rather the question never came, late for human standards as it was. As a rule, Nandor doesn’t talk about it. He doesn’t think about it. Sometimes, he wakes up from a recurring nightmare with the taste of ash and his own blood in his mouth and he remembers. Sometimes, he is just reading Shahnameh for the thousandth time and enjoying the retelling of his own heroic adventures under a false name when he remembers. Other times, his face is half-buried into a human’s neck, drinking viscus drug blood from a ruptured vein when he remembers.

Sometimes, he wishes there was a ceremony to forget. He came up with one for Guillermo to help him with the trauma of his turning, complete with the robes and the banners and the oaths and the name. If only someone would do the same for him. The Ceremony of Vampiric Turning Obliviation; there, he’d even help them with the name, which is arguably the hardest part of any made-up ritual. Nandor would wear white to the ceremony and he would stand still and breathless and dead like Time itself had stopped moving forward for him as someone, preferably Guillermo, tied the knot around his neck with gentle hands that held the power of turning the strongest vampire into ash and looked at him with the kindest eyes that Nandor hadn’t seen from anyone else after his mommy and said in his softest voice,“you will be okay.”

[octoberobserver]

We're a Documentary, Not a Fucking Sitcom - WWDITS Fic

(Read on ao3 here)

I read ' 'The power dynamics seem so problematic. I mean, that’s his boss,' and this possessed me. Enjoy! 😉

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

Guillermo blinked his eyes open, the ghost of Nandor’s cold, smooth lips still lingering on his own.

He had just kissed him. Right on the mouth, mid-sentence, on a random Tuesday night, three months after Guillermo became human again.

“I…Mas–Nan…”

The words died in his throat as his brain whirred like a computer with too many tabs open.

“I am your boss,” Nandor continued as if he had not heard him, beginning to pace the length of the Fancy Room. “You are my employee. It is frowned upon…problematic.”

That snapped Guillermo out of his stupor, frowning as he tried to make sense of his rambling.

“Okay, first of all, employees get paid. If anything, I was an unpaid labourer,” he held up his hand to stop himself from tracing his lips with the pad of his thumb.

“Second of all, you’re not my boss anymore anyway. I’m just your human roommate now, remember? I have a new job teaching self-defense down at the YMCA. I’m not your familiar. We’re equals. We made the deal that I would stay in this house once none of you treated me like shit anymore and you got a new familiar. You’re just too stubborn to let me help you pick a replacement.”

That stopped the vampire in his tracks, a petulant pout on his handsome face.

“That’s because they are all terrible, Guillermo! Francine didn’t know how I like my hair combed, and Jason did not do my buttons up correctly!”

“You didn’t give them a chance to learn!”

“You picked it up right away!”

“Well, not everyone can be me!”

“I know! That’s the problem!”

Somehow they had closed the distance between them and were right back where they started moments ago, mere inches from each other. Naturally, Guillermo’s eyes fell on those pale, alluring lips, but he dragged them back up to a safe spot, focussing on the crinkle between Nandor’s eyebrows from where his head was bent downwards.

“Third of all,” he forced out, his breath no doubt bouncing off his chin. “‘Problematic?’ Seriously? You brutally killed innocent people that I lured here every single week for the last thirteen years. And you’re worried about us having a…a ‘workplace kiss’ being problematic?”

Look. It wasn’t like it had never crossed his mind. Both kissing Nandor and the very morally bankrupt decision to feed random humans to a group of bloodthirsty vampires every week for his entire adult life. But ever since he was faced with directly killing an innocent person so he could live and being unable to do it, he was questioning himself and his choices more and more lately.

(The whole wanting to kiss his former Master thing was a constant, ongoing thing. And definitely not a recent development. But that was his business.)

“Well,” Nandor waved a hand, undeterred. “Darla said it is frowned upon.”

Guillermo squinted up at him.

“And who is Darla?”

“My spotter at the gym. She’s a grandma looking to strengthen her pelvic floor.”

“Ew, what—? No. Doesn’t matter,” he winced. “So, what would Darla think about you kissing someone ten seconds after they tell you they’re going on a date? Is that not ‘problematic?’”

Nandor scrunched up his nose.

“Well, it just happened, so how would I have time to tell—”

“Mierda,” he muttered under his breath, staring up at the ceiling for a God he couldn’t believe in anymore.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you, Guillermo. I am sorry,” Nandor said in the ‘I’m trying to be diplomatic but am being a giant baby about it’ voice that he found hard to truly hate. “I just…thought that you had sworn off dating?”

A disbelieving laugh escaped his chest.

“So, what, you thought you’d kiss me in…protest?”

Something warm was fluttering around his abdomen as his heart beat what felt like a million times a second, his brain very unhelpfully replaying the kiss over and over in his head.

Stop thinking about it, stop thinking about it, stop—

“I’m just confused,” Nandor was shrugging when he forced himself to focus. “You seemed uninterested in dating, and now you come in here and tell me not to wait up because you’re going out with some fucking gu—”

“And why is it you think I’d be uninterested in dating, Nandor? Would it be ‘cause the last boyfriend I had, you fucking cloned for yourself, and then sent him away so he could meet up with Freddie and have him cheat on me with himself?!”

The words echoed throughout the large room.

Nandor looked just like he did when he'd been slapped.

“Guiller—”

“No. Let’s talk about it,” he cut him off, shooting a glance at the nearest camera before glaring up at him. “I’m so sick, of never talking about things in this house. Just letting them revert back to the status quo. We’re a documentary, not a fucking sitcom,” he huffed, pointing a finger in his face, still standing so close he almost poked him.

“You turned your wife into my boyfriend, and that was really fucked up. You know, something actually ‘problematic.’”

He added extra sarcasm and generous bunny ears around the word, scorn and hurt rising within him from where it had laid dormant for over a year.

“You destroyed Marwa, and then my relationship, and you’ve never once taken responsibility for it. Or anything else you’ve ever done. So if you wanna talk about what’s ‘problematic,’ let’s start—”

“I changed her back.”

Guillermo froze.

“What?”

Nandor was busy staring at the red couch, murmuring so quietly that he almost didn’t hear him.

“I said I changed her back. I used my remaining wishes to…undo it all. Give her the life she deserves…without me. She’s in Washington now. Has gone back to school, last I heard.”

His heart skipped a beat as he digested that.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well,” Nandor scoffed, stepping even closer, gaze locked back on him. “I might have if you hadn’t been so busy conspiring with Laszlo because you went behind my back and got Derek to turn you INTO A VAMPIRE. DEREK! FUCKING GUY.”

Guillermo’s blood began to boil, spilling like molten lava in his veins.

“Because YOU WERE NEVER GOING TO!” he exploded. “After YEARS of putting up with all of your shit, I had enough of waiting!”

Nandor’s jaw clenched.

“I was going to turn you, even though I wasn’t sure if it was right for you, but you abandoned me for London!”

“Laszlo locked me in a coffin and shipped me to London like a giant FedEx package! I had literally zero control over that!” Guillermo shot back.

“Well,” Nandor cast his eyes around the room for an answer and grinned humorlessly when he found one. “You didn’t look for me.”

Oh, hell no.

“Yes, I did! But I had no way of contacting you,” Guillermo spat. “I had Nadja reach out through the ether and said she couldn’t find you, that you were blocking her somehow. So, yeah. It wasn’t like you were looking for me, either!”

His chest was heaving like an overwhelmed Victorian maiden whilst Nandor was as still as a statue, but he didn’t care.

Finally. Finally he was airing his grievances. After all this time. Years and years of pent-up anger and hurt and resentment, they were finally talking about it all. And God, it felt amaz—

“I was mad at you when you didn’t meet me on that platform…you broke my heart.”

Those words turned his molten blood to ice.

But that didn’t stop his own words from tumbling out of his mouth anyway.

“Yeah, well. You broke mine first.”

Their eyes met.

Silence engulfed the room.

“That’s a lot of information to get in thirty seconds.”

His head whirled around to find Colin Robinson staring at them from the doorway.

“This is a private conversation, Colin Robinson,” Nandor replied, his gaze still burning a hole into Guillermo. “Leave. Now.”

“Right. Private,” Colin retorted with his usual deadpan tone, gesturing to the cameras. “Whatever. Just fuck already. It’s faster. Especially the way Nandor does it.”

They listened to his retreating steps for a beat, Nandor cursing him under his breath.

“Did he quote Friends?” Guillermo gaped after him, realising it was in vain when he remembered who he was asking, though he could swear he saw one of the camera crew quietly nodding.

“Do not change the subject, Guillermo,” Nandor drew him back in, his dark gaze unwavering. “What did you mean when you said I broke your heart first?”

They don’t call him ‘The Relentless’ for nothin’.

“Come on,” he cleared his throat, his heart firmly lodged there as he tried to step around him. “We don’t have to do this. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Yes, it does, and yes, we do,” his hand shot out inhumanly fast and held him in place by the wrist, firmly but not something he couldn’t break from. “You wanted to talk, so talk. Please.”

What were you saying about pent-up feelings, again?

“You,” he took a shaky breath, forcing himself to stand his ground. “You…have to know how I…how I’ve felt all these years. I know you’re not that dumb.”

Nandor’s lips parted, but Guillermo kept going, words flowing from him like a burst dam.

“Every cruel word, every dismissal, every time you rebuffed my hugs or compliments or belittled me or my accomplishments…it was death by a thousand cuts. Because I fuckin’ loved you anyway.”

A bitter laugh escaped him as tears stung his eyes.

“Huh. Now that’s problematic.”

The silence was deafening.

Nandor had yet to move an inch, not even to blink.

Well, you’ve done in now, de la Cruz. And even managed to reference a Taylor Swift song. Bravo.

Seconds ticked into nearly a minute, and Guillermo was really starting to get freaked ou—

“‘Loved…’” came a raspy voice, barely above a whisper. “...as in past tense?”

He stared at the hand that was still clasping his wrist, right over his hummingbird pulse point and thought, fuck it.

“Love. I love you, Nandor. I always have. And I meant it when I said I was gonna be right here by your side. Even…even if it’s just as your friend and roommate. Because that’s what love means.”

He had done a lot of brave things in his life. Had taken on and killed dozens of vampires, faced witches, zombies and werewolves without batting an eye, and had emo bangs way past 2012, but Guillermo de la Cruz had never felt true bravery until this exact moment.

He watched as Nandor’s face crumpled like creepy paper, his eyes squeezing shut as he took in a deep breath he didn’t need and mumbled to himself.

“Floating through the cold, dark universe like a little grain of furry sand.”

“...what?”

Those large, dark eyes that he loved so much popped open, and he almost gasped at their intensity.

“I…I once thought I was completely alone in this world, Guillermo. Without someone to love or love me. But I’m realising now that that hasn’t been true for a long time, has it?”

Guillermo swallowed the lump in his throat.

He shook his head.

Slowly, a small smile spread on Nandor’s face, his thumb brushing against the thin skin of his wrist.

“And it hasn’t for you either, you know.”

Guillermo felt his brow furrow.

“Wha—”

Cold, soft lips covered his for the second time that night. Heart hammering against his ribcage, he hurried to kiss back this time, leaning up on his tip-toes and gently trailing his tongue along Nandor’s bottom lip.

The kiss deepened as he opened his mouth, the corner of one of his fangs brushing against Guillermo’s tongue and sending a thrill through his entire body. They gripped each other, on the edge of frantic.

“That is why I kissed you, Guillermo,” Nandor murmured, leaning back to press his face into his jaw, peppering little pecks there. “I love you too. But I was too dumb to acknowledge it. Until I thought I was losing you again.”

Shock flowed through Guillermo at both confessions, gripping the back of his neck to pull him further down into him, arousal sparking in his gut as a large hand clutched his hip and pulled them flush together, covering his mouth with his carefully but passionately.

Over six feet of solid muscle draped over him like an awning, and he had never felt more in tune with his own body before, letting himself get lost in the sensation.

Dios mio.

After a few seconds, minutes, or several years, his heart squeezed on the bridge of pain, his head spinning a little, his lips growing numb.

Breaking for air, he gasped, reminding both Nandor and himself, “B-Breathe, I-I need to breathe.”

Smiling apologetically, Nandor’s giant hand cupped his cheek, gaze boring into him.

“I know I’m not your boss anymore, Guillermo. But I would still like it very much if…if you kept your post as my heartguard.”

Now he was breathless for a whole different reason.

Beaming, his eyes stinging again, he brought his hand up and linked their fingers.

“Okay. Only if you’re mine too, though.”

“Deal.”

“Deal.”

Somewhere in the depths of the house, they heard Nadja let out a loud gag, followed quickly by, “Give it to him, good, Gizmo, and shut up already!”

Face on fire, he turned to him, leaning back in.

They still had a million and one things to talk about and work through. Obviously. Issues like theirs—problematic or otherwise—didn’t disappear with one, two, or even three admittedly fantastic kisses. But for now, their roommates had a point.

“Fucking vampires,” Guillermo chuckled.

“No,” Nandor replied with a sharp grin. “There’s just one vampire to fuck. Me."

Groaning at the dumb pun, Guillermo allowed himself to be kissed deeply and thoroughly, winding his hand into the silky, dark hair he adored and tugging.

It was as Nandor let out a quiet mewl (that he was definitely filing away for later) that he remembered the cameras. And the other people in the room. And his date.

“Wait, sorry,” he broke the kiss, his mouth already raw from beard burn and loving it before he turned to the crew.

“Can we have some privacy, guys? Please? And here, take my phone and text my date that I’m sorry I won’t make it, but he seems like a good guy, and I hope he meets someone else.”

He watched as the crewmember closest to him just barely caught his phone while the rest of the team just gaped at them, frozen in place, until a dark shadow cast over the room.

“He asked nicely,” Nandor said, his voice an octave lower than usual. “Do not make me ask not nicely.”

Not needing to be told twice, the crew scrambled to vacate the room, lugging their cameras and equipment behind them as Nandor reeled Guillermo back in, pushing him gently against the wall and cradling his head.

“Out, out!” he shooed over his shoulder, kissing along his jugular, his sharp fangs lightly scraping his skin and making him shiver. “We are a documentary, not a fucking porno!”

“No, save that for the honeymoon, old chap,” Laszlo’s muffled voice wafted from above. “And, if you need any pointers, let me know!”

[cottoncandysprite]

I'm still thinking about the Freddie/Wellness Center parallels like. GOD. Strap in besties I told you I could write a whole thesis on these episodes

Their confrontations are framed almost the exact same, with Nandor and Guillermo on either side of the frame. The lighting also inverses each other (mostly teal light with orange on their faces in WC, mostly warm light with teal on their faces in Freddie). Even outside of the dialogue, the way the scenes are shot draw a direct parallel.

But then we get to what they're saying to each other. In both cases, one has crossed a boundary and inserted themselves in the other's life when they didn’t want them to. But while it's easier to defend Guillermo's actions than Nandor's because it's more obvious that he's doing it to protect Nandor (and Nandor's were arguably more fucked up), the situations are way more similar than we give them credit:

Neither Nandor or Guillermo knew the "danger" of the situations they inserted themselves into when they did

They both were acting selfishly under the impression of selflessness. Guillermo didn't know it was a cult, he just wanted Nandor back with him. Nandor obviously just wanted to be with Freddie, but didn't take the more "cruel" route as to not hurt Guillermo

On the other hand, both Nandor and Guillermo thought the other was taking away something/someone that made them "happy" and were rightfully standing up for themselves

Unfortunately, in both cases, they were wrong about what was actually best for them (the cult was a cult, and Freddie was an egotistical cheater) even if they were right in the moment

But even with how similar they are, a few differences stand out. In the Wellness Center, they are sitting side by side, and after a brief moment of tension, they're not looking each other in the eye. Nandor is looking at Guillermo, trying to get through to him, but Guillermo is looking away and likewise not listening. But in Freddie, they're staring directly at each other, and you can see that Guillermo is actually getting through to Nandor. It's a turning point, moreso than the WC scene. As much as we all hate Nandor for what he does, Nandor says sorry, but Guillermo never did.

Also, I mentioned the lighting earlier, but that shows a subtle shift too. While in WC the orange is on both of their faces, showing more equality in their arguments as both are somewhat in the right, in Freddie the teal lighting only reaches Guillermo, implying that he is more in the right than Nandor. Yes I know I'm probably reaching with this but come on

I love that this parallel exists, not just for the angst, but for the way it makes us reexamine Guillermo's motivations and actions in a moment where we were all rooting for him. He's not perfect, in many ways he's also very toxic. Not as much as Nandor, sure, and he ended up being right, but at least Nandor apologized instead of putting Guillermo in a cage. They're more similar than we sometimes want to think about, because as the human in the cast and the one with less power (on paper at least) in the relationship, we want to relate to him. We want to side with him when he and Nandor clash. But should we?

As well, Freddie as an episode recontextualizes Nandor's motivations. Yes, what he did was extremely dumb and cruel and he shouldn't have done it, but his thought process is so skewed that, from his POV, he was doing his best in the situation. And again, he apologized, genuinely, and worked to at least try and fix it for probably the first time in 14 years. The only other times we've seen him even somewhat listen and say sorry to Guillermo were when Guillermo left and he couldn't function without him, and then it was only to get him to come back to work. Freddie stuck with me because it looked like he actually meant it. He listened. He just fucked up so bad that Guillermo justifiably couldn't forgive him.

Anyway I could talk for hours about why Freddie is a great episode actually but also I don't like thinking about what happened to Marwa for too long and I have actual essays to write

[bottombaron]

I think that Guillermo, at the end of Laszlo's 'Roast' party in episode 7, will reveal his secret.

The party will most certainly devolve into a roast of him instead, because of course it will. Because Nandor won't be able to make clever jokes or get anyone to laugh and in order to save his ego he'll do what he always does in those situations and sacrifice Guillermo in its place. He'll say unnecessarily cruel things because he thinks no one person can be more important to him than the fear of his own weakness. He'll pile it on too. One thing after the other. Maybe the other vampires invited to the roast will laugh along because familiars are easy marks. And the heat will build. There's only so many lashes Guillermo can take on behalf of Nandor's pride. And Laszlo, Nadja, and Colin are starting to grimace and wince.

And that's when Guillermo will do it.

He will stand up, with the chair he was sitting in making a horrible noise across the wood floor like a record scratch. To let you know that the party has been violently cut short.

And Laszlo will do a panicked head shake, maybe try to salvage the situation from the precipice that Nandor has unknowingly brought them to. That Guillermo is about to jump off of. With all of them helplessly attached.

Guillermo was put in the audience on the other side of the room. Already segregated from the rest of the group. He's in a room filled with vampires who were just laughing at him but now look. Nandor's peers. The whole vampire community is here, watching him.

Guillermo's vampires sit across from him at a long table with a podium, like a panel of judges. Like he's a prisoner standing before the pulpit awaiting a verdict. He's got one last moment to either swallow the pride he just started to embrace on a float earlier that year and sit back down, let himself be ridiculed like always but live to see another day ... or burn it all down like it deserves to be, with his plea of guilt.

Holding a struck match, Guillermo will finally speak the truth to Nandor. To everyone. The real truth. The one he hasn't spoken out loud yet. The one nobody knows.

He will say, "I have a joke." And everyone will listen.

"I paid to have some barely-turned, low-rank, nothing of a vampire. Who hasn't even been one longer than I have been a familiar…to bite me. And turn me. In the back room of a gas station where he works. And he did it."

"I've been turned by a vampire that wasn't my master. That wasn't you."

Guillermo's jittered, bitchy energy tapers. He no longer fidgets or looks around at the faces slack-jawed at him. He's gone cold.

Like a killer, he delivers the next blow straight at his master's heart, sitting across the room at the podium, similarly frozen in place.

"But that's not the joke."

"The joke is, I may not have known how taboo it was…that it would be such a big deal to everyone else…but I did know…" (he licks his lips and despite his unshakable intent the uncontrollable emotion he always carries inside him threatens to undo his composure. Still, he keeps his voice loud and steady. Mostly. His attention is focused. His eyes start getting a little wet, but he hardly notices. He's going to follow through.)

"I didn't even really do it because I wanted to. Not then, or like that. (Not with him). Not for the same reason I had wanted to do it before. Or the reason I told Laszlo and Nadja I did it."

"See…the joke is…"

(His voice has become softer. It still carries across the room easily. There is no one else in the whole house but Guillermo and Nandor.)

"I did it because I knew how it would make you feel."

"I did it because I wanted to hurt you."

[amazingmsme]

Living Up to the Name

AN: This really got away from me, but it’s nandermo, can you blame me? We have a serious drought of wwdits tickle fics & like, what fucking gives they made it canon that the vamps tickle each other (or at least Nandor & Lazlo) & no I will not find a gif I am useless like that This one dips a pinky toe into the spicy pool, so be warned. Literally nothing happens, but bondage is involved & that’s about it. But day 20: relentless just SCREAMED nandermo & I just had to do it justice.

Guillermo was used to the odd requests the vampires would ask of him, some a little too odd, so it was no surprise that he'd become desensitized to it. Strangely enough, it was their more mundane and tame requests that threw him for a loop.

He'd just finished vacuuming the drapes (yes they needed to be vacuumed) when Nandor walked in. "Guillermo," he said, announcing his presence and grabbing his attention.

"Hello master," he greeted with a smile, one Nandor shyly returned before growing serious once more. He was doing that thing where he wanted to say something, but wanted you to be the one to prompt the conversation, so he just lingered in the room until you cracked.

"Did you need something?" he asked when Nandor didn't continue on his own.

"I've just been thinking a lot."

"Oh? What about?"

"Me, obviously." Guillermo couldn't help the amused scoff that slipped out, nor the fondly annoyed look he gave the cameras. Nandor either didn't notice, or didn't care. "Mostly about who I used to be. How I used to be able to make entire countries bend to my will. My reputation as a heartless conqueror," despite the awful words, his voice grew soft with nostalgia. "People used to fear me Guillermo. Some loved me, most hated me. But they all feared me."

Guillermo set down the vacuum attachment and turned to face him. "And do you... miss?... that?" he asked hesitantly.

"Of course I do. What kind of a question is that?" Nandor shot a look of his own towards the camera, as if to say "is this guy for real?" He even went as far as to subtly point at his familiar. Well, as subtle as Nandor was capable of. He let out a heavy sigh. "My name used to mean something. Nandor the Relentless. Now I'm just... Nandor."

"Is that really such a bad thing?" Guillermo asked, brows furrowed. Nandor rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

"I guess not," he grumbled, lower lib jutting out in a pout and he kicked the leg of a nearby table. "But I've gone soft," he said dejectedly.

"No, no you're not soft. You're still just as ruthless as ever," Guillermo tried to comfort him, feeling incredibly awkward as he did so. But it seemed to work at least.

"You really think so?" he asked. Guillermo nodded. Nandor broke out into a wide grin, fangs on full display. "Heh, thanks. These hands used to make people scream," he reminisced, flexing his fingers. Guillermo couldn't help but stare at the movement and swallowed.

"Still do," he added before he thought better of it, eyes going wide. Nandor straightened his posture, watching Guillermo carefully. "I mean- Lazlo and Nadja get pretty loud," he quickly added as an excuse. Nandor smirked and stood up, walking over to Guillermo.

He tried to busy himself so he wouldn't have to look in Nandor's eyes. It still didn't help the flutter in his heart when Nandor towered in front of him.

"Oh Guillermo..." the tone in his voice made him snap his head up to look at him. He didn't know if the hungry look in his eyes frightened or excited him. "Did we make you feel left out?"

Guillermo fumbled for the right words. "N-no, no, I-I'm good. More than good," he stuttered.

"It's okay, no need to be embarrassed here."

"I'm not-" but Guillermo cut himself off, knowing better than to try arguing with Nandor of all people.

"It's only natural to be curious. You could've just asked to join, we totally would've let you," he flirted, making Guillermo blush. "You know, I've wanted to make you scream for mercy for quite some time." The boldness of the statement threw him off guard.

"Have you now?" he asked, voice higher pitched. Nandor must've thought it was out of fear, because he clarified.

"Oh I wouldn't be hurting you. I'd just tickle you until you begged me to stop. But I won't." Guillermo felt his cheeks heat up, his throat going dry. "It's not so bad. Just ask Lazlo.

Guillermo shook his head. "I don't- I don't need his input."

"Very well. Follow me." he gestured with a single finger for him to come along. Obediently, he followed.

He'd only ever been in their... playroom to clean it, and he certainly never thought he'd be brought back here. Never thought he'd be so willing to go either, but life is full of surprises. There were various tools and toys lining the walls and spread out on tables for display, and there were various bondage set ups to choose from.

"Go ahead, make yourself comfortable," Nandor insisted. It was a little hard when Guillermo could hear his pulse racing in his ears. He decided to play it safe, laying on the king sized bed against the wall. Nandor sat next to him, looking him up and down with a kind of excitement Guillermo didn't often see. The fact it was directed at him made butterflies flit about in his stomach.

"Good, now take off your shirt." When Guillermo only stared at him in shock, he clarified, "Trust me, it feels much better without clothes." Guillermo ducked his head and blushed.

"Okay yeah I got it," he rushed out. He took a deep breath and pulled the shirt over his head. "So I-I'm guessing you're gonna just- tie me up?" Nandor chuckled at that.

"No silly, I'm horrible at knots! We have cuffs for that!"

"Of course you do," he mumbled under his breath as Nandor retrieved them. When he came back, standing over the bed, he must've sensed the nervous energy coming off of him in waves.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said, surprisingly gentle as he rocked back and forth on his feet. Guillermo furrowed his brows.

"What? No, you wanted this. And I mean, come on," he said, his own voice casual and almost teasing. Nandor cocked his head like a curious puppy. "It's just tickling. How bad can it actually be?" he asked skeptically and almost immediately regretted it.

"Oh you'd be surprised, my dear Guillermo," he all but purred. His heart all but skipped a beat as he laid down on the bed, raising his arms for Nandor to cuff. He did the same his his ankles, testing them to make sure they're secure but not too tight.

His hands hovered over his bare torso for only a moment before diving for the hips. Guillermo shrieked and instantly started bucking. "I thought about starting off slow, but I think we're both too eager for that," he teased, drilling his thumbs over his hip dips.

"Ihihi'm nohohot! S-slow ihihis good!" he cried through his laughter. Nandor hummed, thinking it over before agreeing.

"You're right, we have all night. Why rush things?" he asked, feral grin overtaking his features. Guillermo giggled nervously, the sound growing stronger when Nandor's hands touched down on the tender underside of his arms. Fingertips dragged ever so lightly from his wrists to his armpits, and Guillermo never knew something he could just barely feel could be so torturous. His laugh was short and breath and he was already desperately tugging on his arms. Nandor looked down at him with such adoration, hands never faltering in their movements. Up and down, up and down his arms he went, leaving goosebumps in his wake. When he finally decided to quit playing with his food, he let his hands reach his underarms, drawing lazy circles and playing with the hair.

Guillermo snorted, nose scrunched adorably as his arms flexed and strained to come down. He was barely even touching him, and Guillermo was giggling like a little school girl.

"Wow Guillermo, have you been working out?" Nandor asked when he noticed the bulging biceps  on display. "You've been hiding all of this under shapeless sweaters," he lamented, reaching up to feel the muscle. Funny, he'd never known his fucking biceps were ticklish, until now that is. Nandor was just squeezing them, admiring the muscle and he was practically in stitches.

"I just lihihike sweheaters!" he yelped, arching his back. Nandor acted on impulse, having done this many times with both Nadja and Lazlo and was used to adapting to their bodily reactions. Which was why he shoved his face down onto his belly, growling and nibbling against soft skin as he shook his head, adding even more tickly vibrations to the cocktail of neurons firing in his brain.

Guillermo positively screamed with laughter, light and airy snickers turning to full on cackles in an instant. The combination of soft lips, sharp fangs, and that stupid motherfucking beard had him in an incomprehensible state. And honestly? He couldn't complain. Oh it was horrible, yes, but it was Nandor.

Speaking of, he was feeling rather proud right about now. He was unraveling Guillermo's sanity with each passing second, not only that, but he had agreed to this. The big, strong, vampire killing machine was nothing but a hysterical mess under his fingers, and it was perhaps the greatest power trip he'd felt in ages.

"Ohoho fuck oho shihihit thahahat's ahahawful!" he screeched, thrashing as much as his bonds would allow. Nandor didn't bother to raise his head up when answering, instead speaking directly into the skin and sending him into another round of quiet snickers and chuckles.

"Good, I'm not trying to be nice," he deadpanned, causing a shiver to crawl up Guillermo's spine. Nandor smirked against his stomach before grazing ever so slowly with his teeth. Guillermo swore and bucked violently, deep boisterous laughter bouncing off the walls. It tickled so much that he didn't even notice when Nandor's fangs accidentally pierced through the skin from all his squirming. He sure as hell noticed the tongue that started lapping at the puncture though.

"NAHAHANDOHOHOR NOHOHO! NOHOHO TONGUE OHOHO FUCK PLEHEHEASE!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs. Every part of him was screaming to get away, but those damn fuzzy cuffs prove effective.

To Nandor, the helpless plea might as well have been singing praise. He glanced up and managed to catch Guillermo's eye while he caught his breath, shooting him a devious wink. He shook his head, tugging on his arms.

"Nonono Nandor, whatever it is, don't-"

Nandor, of course, didn't listen, and instead, maintained eye contact as he drug his tongue across his tummy to wiggle straight into his bellybutton.

It's a good think Guillermo was laying down because he felt his legs give out, slowly losing their fight. He was full on cackling now, writhing from side to side and thrashing endlessly. Nandor flicked and swirled his tongue inside his naval, sending him spiraling closer to madness. Each thrust of his hips in an attempt to alleviate the sensation only made it grow worse as Guillermo snorted once more.

"I think you're even worse than Lazlo," Nandor mused aloud, making him blush even more.

"Shuhuhut thehe hehehell up!" he snapped, mirth masking any malice that might've been hidden in his words. Nandor gasped, forming his hands into claws and vibrating them on his exposed tummy.

"Guillermo, I am shocked! You ought to know better than to talk to your master that way," he threatened, a playfully dangerous edge to his voice. Guillermo's eyes widened.

"Ihihi'm sorry! Ihihi'm sohohorry!" he squealed when fingers began working themselves between each rib bone, bubbly snickers and snorts spilling from his mouth.

"I'm afraid sorry isn't good enough," Nandor said without an ounce of sympathy in his voice. He straddled his waist and loomed over him, anxious excitement filling him to the brim. He really hoped that Nandor didn't notice how much he was enjoying this. Which seemed unlikely, seeing as he was practically sitting in his lap.

The sound of buzzing snapped him from his thoughts as he looked at Nandor, who now held an electric toothbrush in each hand. Guillermo felt his heart sink and jump in his throat simultaneously.

They started out in his armpits, making him jolt with a loud peal of laughter. When they didn't move away, his laugh got faster and more shrill the longer the torment continued. Nandor drug the spinning brushes down his sides, relishing in every twitch, gasp and giggle. The toothbrushes made their journey back up, this time taking a detour across the expansive chest.

Guillermo's laugh got more frantic and hysterical as Nandor circled his nipples. He snorted, shaking his head and biting his lip to keep the laughter at bay. It was no use once he touched the brushes down on those sensitive buds. If Nandor thought he was thrashing before, it was nothing compared to this.

"Nahahandohohor plehehease! I ca- I cahahan't!" Guillermo begged through helpless laughter. Nandor cocked his head and hummed.

"Can't what?"

"Ihihi cahahan't tahake ihihihit," he whined, twisting side to side to try and dislodge those downright torturous spinning bristles.

"Aaawww, you poor thing," Nandor mock cooed, leaning down to whisper, "I don't care."

Nandor wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon. After all, he had a relentless reputation to uphold.

[beansprean]

Lil comic from chapter 1 of Alethophobia by @jay-auris! Character designs by the incredible @pejntboks!

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1a. Distant shot from behind a white van parked on a patch of gravel and dirt with its rear doors wide open, pine trees in the distance against a darkening sky. Human Nandor is rummaging around in the equipment in the back of the van, muttering angrily to himself. He is wearing a green flannel with rolled sleeves over a white tee shirt tucked into cut off blue jean shorts, white knee socks, and hiking boots. The side of Guillermo's face appears in closeup in the foreground, looking at him. 1b. Shot from inside the van as Guillermo comes up behind Nandor, both now facing the viewer. Nandor has his graying hair down and hanging messily in his face as he scowls, sweat beading on his forehead. He wears a silver medallion around his neck, orange tasbih prayer beads around his right wrist, has two orbital piercings with silver hoops and a silver conch stud in his left ear, and silver vertical studs on his right eyebrow. He continues glaring at the equipment and shuffling it around with his left hand as he thrusts a camera bag out behind him with his right, snapping, "Leave Laszlo to pack everything like an overgrown child. Here, pull out the extra batteries so I can put them in the actual fucking battery cases we own." Guillermo looks down at the bag in surprise as it is thrust towards him, hands coming up automatically to take it. He is wearing a black tee shirt with a gray symbol on the chest under a sleeveless unzipped dark blue hoodie with red trim, black leggings, red sneakers, a black fidget ring on his right middle finger, and a silver cross around his neck, tucked into the shirt. 1c. Close up of Guillermo as takes the bag and removes the batteries, aiming a concerned look at Nandor as he does so. He asks, "Are you okay?" 1d. Waist up of Nandor from Guillermo's POV as he straightens up and wrestles his hair back into a messy bun with quick, angry motions. Still glaring down at the equipment, he snarls, "I dislike long car rides; I dislike being out of the city;" 1e. Reverse shot, close up of the back of Nandor's head with its painful looking bun in the foreground as he continues, "I dislike laszlo's laissez-faire attitude towards the security of our expensive equipment..." In the background, Guillermo frowns as he observes Nandor's hair.

2a. Repeat. Guillermo interrupts Nandor's venting by pointing toward his hair and asking, "Can I fix that?" Nandor's head in the foreground turns toward him, asking, "Huh?" 2b. Wide shot facing the rear of the van as Guillermo says, "Your hair, just- c'mere." Guillermo takes Nandor by the shoulders, turns him around, and pushes him down to sit on the bumper with a small, unassuming smile. Nandor looks shocked and not a little flustered, shoulders tense under Guillermo's hands. 2c. Close up on Nandor as Guillermo pulls the rubber band from his hair and lets it loose around his shoulders, covering his eyes. Guillermo combs his fingers through the strands and Nandor stills, expression hidden but cheeks going red. 2d. Close up of Nandor's face from the nose down in profile as Guillermo's hands gather his hair behind his shoulders. 2e. Close up of the back of Nandor's head from Guillermo's POV as he pulls all of Nandor's hair together neatly at his crown.

3a. Close up on Nandor's side, elbow to hip, as Guillermo's right hand leaves his head to tap two fingers on Nandor's jeans pocket. Nandor pulls his elbow away in surprise. 3b. Repeat. Nandor's other hand obliges, pulling a second rubber band from his pocket and offering it to Guillermo, who hooks it onto his finger. 3c. Waist up of Guillermo as he steps back with a hesitant grin, hands clasped together at his sternum. He says, "There. Better?" 3d. Close up of Nandor's right hand as it lifts his phone and unlocks it with a thumb. His phone case is a Lisa-Frank-esque close up of a white horse with purple, blue, and pink spots on a backdrop of a blue sky with clouds and a rainbow.

4a. Bust of Nandor as he raises his phone up to take a look at himself in the camera, expression now softened from his earlier frustration. His hair is now twisted up into a neat, round bun at the crown of his head, one stubborn strand loose at his temple. He raises his eyebrows, liking what he sees, and says "Huh. That's very good. How did you do that?" 4b. Zoom out to knees up, Nandor still perched on the bumper of the van. Guillermo stuffs his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and leans back against one of the van doors, flushed and grinning as he aims his gaze elsewhere. With a humble shrug, he replies, "Sister taught me. She said that if I wanted to impress a girl one day, I should learn how to do basic styles." Nandor lowers his phone and drapes that arm over his raised knee, left hand palming the other to balance himself as he turns his torso towards Guillermo with a grin. He says, "Well, color this girl impressed." /end ID

[ineffably-human]

It honest to God took me a month to rewatch the last two episodes of this season of Shadows, because I'm still so mad about how they handled Guillermo's decision. And I'm probably going to always be mad. I think this season wasted a lot of time that could have been spent laying better groundwork, for both Guillermo's decision and for Nadja and the Guide's subplot.

But something did click into place for me in that very last scene, where Derek's being ushered down by Topher to meet the other zombies. Season Three was unofficially about power and protection. Season Four was officially about change. I thought this season was going to be about secrets. But it's actually about belonging to a community.

The vampires were out in the world a lot more this season. Colin runs for public office (passing among humans as he can), which drags him into the interests of the community of energy vampires. Nadja connects to a community from her homeland, and winds up caring about them more than she ever expected. Laszlo's mostly focused on the experiments, but his natural ease with Sean (and humans in general) is on display a few times - and when the vampires think he's in distress, they throw a whole party to rally him. The Guide, of course, struggles the whole season with feeling like an outsider who can't be part of the group she cares for.

Sean links the vampires to the pride parade, not just celebrating the queer community, but making the vampires the face of queerness, of immigration, of Staten Island itself. (And Guillermo gets his first taste of Pride, and of a community he'd never been able to claim until recently.) At the same time, it's shown that vampires always feel like they're a step away from being found out by humans, of their surrounding community turning on them and forcing them out.

Nandor struggles throughout the season with social awkwardness, communicating, being misunderstood; he fails to connect with strangers without hypnosis guiding the conversation the way he wants it to go. But the other vampires have become his home, in a way that's evolved past their relationship during Season Three. He rallies them successfully during Local News. He and Colin Robinson look out for each other. Keeping Guillermo's secret is just as much about protecting Nandor as it is protecting Guillermo.

(It's still Guillermo he's always calling out for, though. With the certainty of someone who already knows where home is, he just hasn't named it yet.)

And as always, Guillermo is stuck in between two worlds. He can't connect fully with his bio family, but can't truly step away from them. He wants to be a vampire, but his transformation fights him and he can't see humans as prey. He wants to come when Nandor calls, but can't tell him about the biggest thing that's happening to him.

By the finale he feels more isolated from the vampires than ever, to the point that he can't see what's actually happening: by the time they all know his secret, the others have rallied around him, and are seeing him as another member of the family in need of protecting.

And once Nandor realizes that he cares more about losing Guillermo than his own pride, he deliberately brings that community to Guillermo: he introduces Guillermo as the fifth of their household, and throws him a birthday party to bookend the one at the start of the season. He makes Guillermo a ceremony, invites everyone they know, and asks if he's willing to become one of them forever.

And it's not that Guillermo doesn't want to be a vampire. He does, desperately. It's that he can't stop also being a human.

So instead it's Derek (a vampire basically living as a human, and deeply lonely for it) who is ushered into a new community ready to welcome him, something Guillermo has always been hoping for.

("Do you like eating human flesh? Heh, you will!")

Guillermo still doesn't have The Thing he wants, not really. He still has to name exactly what it is. But Nandor helped guide him towards where home is. And Laszlo helped him pick up the pieces. The vampires don't love Guillermo like a fellow vampire, but they love him like Guillermo, and like with Colin last year that doesn't just reset. It can't. The roots are in too deep, it's already bound everyone stronger.

We'll just have to wait to see what it turns into.

[thebennsofdallas]

What we do with regret

I don’t want to do this but I must. (SPOILERS FOR 5.01 & 5.02)

I can’t stop watching all the awesome gifs of that scene in Nandor’s room, with Guillermo brushing Nandor’s hair and Nandor looks so content and blissed out. And Guillermo is so utterly gentle and careful with the brushing. I have no doubt he isn’t usually that way but as everyone has been saying, this is different. For both of them.

And I have to wonder, if, after the conversation at the restaurant, Nandor is not wondering, as Laszlo did, about Guillermo not being there to protect them anymore. About Guillermo not being there for HIM. Nandor hypothesizes that maybe Guillermo is going to die soon. He’s just being a dick when he says this to Nadja and Laszlo but maybe, he’s had time to think about it. 

Maybe, after they get home and he and Guillermo go into the bedroom to begin their sunrise ritual, Nandor has had some time to consider what he would do, how he would feel if Guillermo weren’t there anymore. Not just gone but GONE. For good. No coming back this time. Guillermo has left him before and Nandor couldn’t handle it. He went to find him after the incident at Simon’s nightclub and then again when Guillermo went to Celeste. He saved Guillermo’s life numerous times. But if he has to take Guillermo’s life or if Guillermo’s death isn’t his choice, how will he bear it?

We already know, through Marwa, that Nandor doesn’t know what he would do without Guillermo. And after the birthday dinner, Nandor states that he would have no choice but to kill Guillermo if he were turned by someone other than him. The evening has forced Nandor to ponder a permanent future without Guillermo and maybe, that night, their ritual becomes precious in a way it never was before.

As for Guillermo, despite his frustration at not yet being a vampire, the biggest, most unchanging element in Guillermo’s life is Nandor. Now and again, he gives into the whim to start a new life but inevitably, he’s drawn back to Nandor. Nandor is STILL there. Nothing ever changes at the Staten Island house, which is the motivation that compels Guillermo to seek out Derek.

But then, all the rules change. He learns that, without meaning to, he’s heaped the biggest betrayal a familiar can force on his master. He’s done something that will mean the end of his time with Nandor. Whether Nandor kills him or not, Guillermo is going to have to face the consequences of his actions, one way or the other.

All the regrets he’s had about the choices he’s made thus far are nothing to compared to his sorrow about this misguided decision. Nandor can behave like a dick and an infant but Guillermo is aware, probably more than anyone, that Nandor also suffers from a certain degree of insecurity and self-doubt. He would never have gone to Derek if he had known about this fucking rule that no one bothered to tell him about 13 years ago. 

So maybe, Guillermo is thoughtful in this moment, too. As far as he knows, his days as Nandor’s familiar/bodyguard are numbered now. This ritual that they have, this simple act of brushing out Nandor’s hair, turns into an act of contrition for Guillermo, even though Nandor doesn’t know it. He revels in every stroke of the brush through Nandor’s soft hair, in the closeness of Nandor’s tall body. 

But when he’s telling Guillermo about his birthday present, the sweetness of his smile is like a silver dagger in Guillermo’s heart.

We’re only TWO episodes in.

[patheticpaprika]

Just found this completely written in my drafts from January cause I got incredibly annoyed at it and abandoned it, but feck it posting it anyways, why not. So you know how in wwdits when the credits hit in the cult episode (s3 ep8) this song comes on to punch you in the gut after everything you've just watched?

"Have you ever considered for one moment that I might be happy for the first time in decades?! DECADES!"

Nandor hates being a vampire. He sees it as constant sameness that weighs down on him and washes away any purpose or belonging. But Guillermo brings him back. To him, vampirism is nothing but a gift and a reason for respect.

Now imagine a future episode, after Guillermo has been turned by Dereck. He's returned to the house and refuses to play the familiar anymore. He refuses to be their inferior. He's determined to change the sameness. Yet Nandor is too busy being upset that he wasn't the one to turn him and fully expecting him to finally leave for good causing him to be extra prickly and dismissive. The others just treat him like he was still human. How can anything truly change if they refuse to acknowledge anything has?

"Nothing ever changes in this house. Nothing is ever going to change. Unless I change it."

He had already become stronger than them. He had already demanded respect before. He had grown confidence and strength in himself. He'd done this all before. Vampirism solved nothing because he wasn't the one that refused to change.

He'll never be enough for Nandor, will he? He was never inadequate, Guillermo had long since grown past that. He just had always believed he was.

He is finally done. He says his goodbyes and leaves to be his very cool vampirey self without them. He's left, and this time he has no reason to come back. Nandor believes Guillermo only stayed to be turned into a vampire. Nandor's worst fears have finally been "confirmed," although only caused by his own manifestation.

Guillermo was his catalyst. Without him, the sameness of forever bores down on him. Guillermo makes him happy. For so long he'd been searching for someone that would make him like eternity but he'd been there all along. Yet all he had been doing was expecting he'd leave. He craves change but is terrified of its uncertainty. He desperately seeks closeness but is too scared to believe he can ever have it. No one could ever see him in his entirety and ever want to stay. This was simply further proof. He loved and was loved back but he refused to accept the possibility and hid behind his wall of indifference.

Mr. Emotional-Inteligence-of-A-Brick finally does a little self-reflection and realizes he needs Guillermo there. He makes him happy. He tries to get Guillermo to come back, but it's too little too late.

"Have you ever considered my happiness, Nandor?! You say you need me there and then act like you don't care about me. I'm done being not enough for you. I'm far better than that." "I am sorry Guillermo... I did not realize I made you so unhappy." "Yes because you never realize! Why do you even try to act like you care?" "I do care!" "Oh you do? Then tell me why." "...I" "Goodbye Nandor."

Yet with all his sulking and frustrated (not to mention terrible) attempts from his housemates to talk to him and cheer him up, Mr. Emotional-Inteligence-of-A-Brick finally does some reflection. He finally asks himself (maybe with some prompting from someone else) why Guillermo leaving was his worst fear in the first place. Why does he even care? Cue:

B-roll footage of Nandor drifting around the house before cutting back to him just standing there staring at the floor with a 1000 micro-expressions fliting on his face. But before the chorus kicks in. The music stops just long enough for Nandor to look up to the camera, absolutely terrified. (He cares for him. He needs him. He loves him. But it's too late, isn't it?) The credits hit and the song continues. So, when you're near me, darling, can't you hear me? S.O.S The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S

[nandermoenthusiast]

HERE I AM I WATCHED THE FINALE

OKAY FIRST OF ALL IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AND ACKNOWLEDGED/BROUGHT BACK A LOT OF THINGS I HAD NOT VERY HIGH HOPES FOR

but i gotta be honest, the whole season did. it was fun and genuinely hilarious, while also acknowledging (maybe not doing something with it yet, but we have a whole other season already under go) some plot points like colin dreaming about his childhood with lazlo

THIS FINALE THOUGH

i honestly honestly honestly have to say, i would not have changed a single thing from it. it was INSPIRED. i want to talk about the theme of this season, the vampires are assholes and they will never be nice to each other, but they are a FAMILY and they care about each other so deeply

first of all we have the morrigan manor trap, which i enjoyed so much, and although the season did a great job at building up to this with a hundred little moments in the previous eps, i was still literally shook at seeing the vampires face the music. like wow the guide is really telling them off for how they treat her and guillermo. like, i felt it. and nadja and lazlo are like ok this could have been a conversation but fine heres some footage of us being nice about u behind your back, AND THATS SO LOVELY LIKE - MY DEAR WE ARE FUCKED UP CREATURES OF THE NIGHT WELL NEVER TELL YOU TO YOUR FACE THAT YOURE IMPORTANT TO US

and its like. this season does a lot to put all the previous seasons into perspective. i cant even begin to speak about nandor and his aversion to turning guillermo. like, CHRIST

anyway the moment where nandor finds out was SO fucking delicious i love you mr de laurentiis i am completely in love with you going insane going insane also like ive seen some DISAPPOINTMENT over this finale and im ???? speechless is it that they didnt kiss or fuck? NANDOR KNOWS GUILLERMO BETTER THAN HE KNOWS HIMSELF HE KNEW HE COULDNT BEAR KILLING HE KNEW HE WASNT READY AND WANNA BET HE ALSO KEPT HIS DISTANCE ALL THESE YEARS BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT WOULD ADD TO GUILLERMO WANTING TO BE WITH HIM FOREVER BUT HES TOO CODEPENDENT TO LET HIM GO WHAT!!! THIS SHIT IS DELICIOUS

LET THEM COOK

but where was i ah yes nandor finding out nandor staking out panera bread and talking to some rando about guillermo and nandor going to his mothers (vampire killer! so its like dangerous for him lbr) place once he found it within himself to let go of the humiliation and prioritize his feelings for guillermo. let that sink in. he didnt want to find him not really. otherwise he would have threatened his mom weeks ago. nandor actually forgiving guillermo and its just like that. because he loves him too much. nandor doing the gayest most romantically and sexually charged shit in the world to prove to guillermo he actually has forgiven him. nandor bringing guillermo home. and saying he will be living with us AS AN EQUAL

nandor bringing him blood. and while we are on this topic, NANDOR WHO HAS THE IQ OF A RUSSIAN TOILET KNEW RIGHT AWAY WHAT GUILLERMOS PROBLEM WITH HIS TURNING WAS AND HOW TO FIX IT. AND HE DID. IMMEDIATELY. WHILE LAZLO STRUGGLED FOR WEEKS. NANDOR KNEW INSTANTLY. this episode had such biiig caretaker nandor energy and i fucking gobble that shit up. he pays so much attention to guillermo and he is so warm and loving to him whenever hes not catching himself…… i think im gonna go cry

nandor looking at guillermo with barely repressed lust as guillermo shows off his new vampiric powers and is taken by a frenzy to just go and do some shit. nandor lurking in the shadows listening to guillermos confession about not being able to kill, and looking so broken up about it, and wanting to fix things immediately for guillermo (but he cant, and btw im glad they brought back the lamp even if it was just to say you dumbass, you are out of wishes, like maybe that was a disappointment to some people but im sort of glad they made nandor use up all his wishes because the whole ceremony bit was sooooooooooooo thoughtful and soooo warm on nandors part). he went and staged the whole place and orchestrated the whole thing just so guillermo could speak from the heart and say he made a mistake. that is insanely loving of him

and btw idk anything about the lore of vampiric lineage BUT! tbh i do think this is such a cool loophole. like when guillermo reverted, time for his human form had passed. which means if any vampire who has lived, idk, more than 130 years had the same thing happen to them, they would obviously turn to dust. of course they would die! but guillermo had this happen only a few months ago so hes good! and the vampirism is reverted! and he has the time and knowledge now to think long and hard if he still wants it

to be honest (not to be a blorke about nandermo) i do believe that nandor and guillermo will get into it next season and the subsequent conflict will be that guillermo cannot be a vampire so he will age and die one day, but i think since nandor is so caring and “acts of service” in this last episode, maybe the solution they find is they decide nandor will turn guillermo eventually, and then bring him blood without guillermo having to hunt and kill (he could also like rob blood banks or drink from people without draining them)

anyway how cool is it that guillermo turned out to be so similar to louis (interview with the vampire, the very movie that got him to want to be a vampire), with the same conflict, except he did get a do over thanks to nandor ❤️

one last thing before i go that i didnt mention NANDOR TYING GUILLERMOS CAPE SO LOVINGLY AND WITH SUCH ATTENTION WITH SUCH REVERENCE GOD I KNOW WE’RE IN FOR A TREAT NEXT SEASON. AND NANDOR FUCKING STAKING DEREK. DO YOU WANT ME TO DO IT. I DONT KNOW. I DO *STAKE *. LIKE WHAT. THAT WAS SO INSANELY HOT TO ME GOODBYE FOREVER AND SORRY FOR THE LONGASS POST