#history warriors

[kchasm]

Ryu Number: Risto Mejide

Risto Mejide is a Spanish music producer, known also for his appearance as a judge on a number of reality talent shows. He's known for his harsh and caustic criticism, making him something like a Spanish Simon Cowell—

Okay, listen. I'm going to cop to this: I didn't know who Risto Mejide was a week ago and I still mostly have no idea. Everything in that last paragraph I got off a couple of Wikipedia pages. No, the reason you're seeing this Ryu Number post is because I played History Warriors, and by gum, I am going to wring this utterly minuscule drop of value out of that arid desert stone. I can't have suffered for nothing, right?

History Warriors is not a good game.

History Warriors is a fighting game in the sense that I Spy is a competitive activity—yes, that's true, but if it's the highlight of your local tourney it's a sign that something has gone terribly wrong.

The plot of the game is as follows: After the fall of Nazi Germany, Hitler was secretly tucked away into some sort of suspended storage. Now he's awake, and he's gotten access to time travel technology, which he's used to pull a number of famous historical characters (William Shakespeare, Cleopatra, Abraham Lincoln, Joan of Arc, Che Guevara, Shaka, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Napoleon) to the present day with the end goal of irreversibly mucking up the timeline. Not exactly high lit, but as far as an excuse to get a bunch of disparate characters at each other's throats, it's at least more creative than another martial arts tournament.

Unfortunately, History Warriors—and I've said this already but it bears repeating—is not a good game. It's a bunch of free-to-low-cost assets compressed into a weeping mass by a developer, "Clipstories, Inc.," which is almost certainly just a handful of folks in Spain who know each other. Characters all have the same standard attacks—a high punch, a low punch, a high kick, and a low kick. There are special projectile moves but attempting to view the manual from the Steam page redirects to the game's official site (as much as anything about this game can be called "official"), which... doesn't exist anymore.

The computer-controlled characters do know how to use the projectiles, of course. The projectiles are, incidentally, completely unavoidable, too large to jump and too low to duck. Can you block? You can block. The input for blocking is also the input for backing up, which is a fighting game norm, except that in History Warriors when your character is moving backward they aren't automatically blocking, as far as I can tell, so effectively what happens when you press back is that your characters blocks for a second and then starts walking backward defenselessly.

(I freely admit I might be slightly wrong there, but like hell I'm going to go back and analyze the mechanics.)

When two characters' attacks meet—two characters hit each other at the same time, in other words—rather than the attacks canceling each other out, they both go through. This means that the victor of the round is essentially decided by which character has the longest limbs (balance is a thing that happens to other fighting games). A further hampering comes in the form of hitboxes that have been placed, to put it charitably, unpredictably. Often floating an appreciatable length off from the end of a fighter's limb, in fact.

My main strategy in beating this game was to get in my opponent's space first thing before they could start throwing their impossible-to-avoid projectiles and spam a kicking to the shins. It barely worked, but it worked enough that I could get through each playable characters' lineup of opponents... after a lot of game overs, anyway (you don't have to start from the beginning if you lose—thank goodness for small favors).

The worst offense, though, after all this, is that the game isn't even entertainingly bad. Sure, on the surface—and especially with its awfully silly concept—History Warriors seems like the type of Bad Video Game that'd be perfect for some streamer to make fun of playing for a couple hours. But with every character essentially an identical fighter save for reach and the quickness with which strategy devolves into slurry, the whole damn thing is just a slog.

To wrap up this thesis: History Warriors is a bad game, and I think I've made that as clear as I can. But this is the internet, and the internet is chock full of productions of terrible quality that don't deserve a critical haranguing, stories and games and songs and videos that might accurately be called flawed or even subpar, but which were put together by creators who, for what skill they lacked, worked with sincerity and a motivation sourced from the joy of creation. I firmly believe that that's admirable in its own way—that it's behavior that ought to be encouraged, even through the stinkers.

That said—

There is no universe where this was worth fifteen dollars.

...Oh, right, Ryu Numbers. Uh, when you beat the game with a character it turns out they can't go back to their original time, so you get a still image showing what they're up to in the present day. Lincoln runs for President again, Napoleon streams video games, Che's at Occupy Wall Street—it's all very uninspired. When you beat the game as Mozart, he ends up on a talent show with an MS Paint mic.

Copyright infringement is a thing that happens to other developers, so the judges are clearly identifiable as being from Got Talent España, the Spanish version in the Got Talent franchise. From the fourth season, it seems.

See? Same digs.

Admittedly, my knowledge of the Spanish language begins and ends at "biblioteca," but Wikipedia tells me that this judge lineup consisted of Risto Mejide, Edurne, Eva Isanta, and Paz Padilla, so barring it turning out, I don't know, this particular episode had a guest replacing him and I couldn't tell because I'm garbage at facial recognition or something, Risto Mejide has a Ryu Number of 2, or 3 if you don't like Minecraft.

You know what's worse? This is probably the quickest way to get to Che Guevara, too.

[parhe1ion]

if you’re gonna introduce me to something new you have to defeat my 7 evil ex hyperfixations

[diioonysus]

"this is our time, no turning back, we could live, we could live like legends."

[greekmythcomix]

Somehow I missed this - last month the University of Thessaly tested the Mycenaean Dendra armour for combat by putting it on Greek Marines in an “11-hour simulated Bronze Age combat protocol”!

Not only did it prove battle-worthy, we now have THIS IMAGE🤯

Article: https://www.sci.news/archaeology/dendra-armor-12959.html

Study: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0301494

[heiligetod]

Joan of Arc (1999) dir Luc Besson

[tanuki-kimono]

Samurai's ranks and dress code in Late Edo period

AMAZING reference chart put together by Nadeshico Rin, showing the different attires worn by the men of the buke class in and about Edo Castle. OP stresses the chart is by no means exhaustive - but it helps picturing things SO MUCH!

For easier reading, I have adapted the chart with english translation. Rin has also created illustrations detailing each attire, I'll translate those in coming days under the tag "samurai kimono".

You'll find the transliteration below cut:

The court ranks - Mibun 身分 or Ikai (位階)

Find more about the exact titles here.

一位 Ichii (First court rank)

三位 Sanmi (Third court rank) and 四位 Shii (Fourth court rank)

Goi 五位 (Fifth court rank​)

Omemie ijô 御目見 以上, the "upper" vassals allowed to request audience with the shogun

Omemie ika 御目見 以下, the "lesser" vassals (not allowed to request audience with the shogun)

Rin does not mention the second court rank (二位 Nii) so I am not sure where this one is supposed to go ^^;

The clan/families - Kamei 家名

徳川将軍家 Tokugawa shôgunke (Tokugawa Shogun clan)

尾張徳川家 Owari Tokugawake (Owari Tokugawa clan), 紀伊徳川家 Kii Tokugawake (Kii Tokugawa clan), 水戸徳川家 Mito Tokugawake (Mito Tokugawa clan), 徳川御三卿 Tokugawa gosankyo (Secondary Tokugawa branch clans: Tayasu, Shimizu, and Hitotsubashi)

三奉行 Sanbugyô, & 下三奉行 Shimosan bugyô (magistrates, governors)

旗本 Hatamoto (general term for upper-rank vassals of the Tokugawa)

御家人 Gokenin (general term for lower-rank vassals of the Tokugawa)

Outfits TPO (Time, Place, Occasion)

第一礼服 (大礼 など) Daiichi raifuku (tairei nado) - Most formal outfit worn during State/important ceremonies, etc.

礼服 (正月など) Raifuku (Shogatsu nado) - Formal outfit, worn for events like New Year, etc.

通常礼服 (節句など) Tsûjô raifuku (sekku nado) - Regular formal outfit, worn during seasonal festivals, etc.

平服 Heifuku - Everyday outfit

Type of outfits

Rin has released separated charts detailing the different costumes. You'll find them translated here in coming days.

束帯 Sokutai - old ceremonial court dress, first worn by Heian nobility. Attire includes the 笏 shaku (flat ritual sceptre), and 冠 kanmuri hat.

衣冠 Ikan - old ceremonial court dress, much more simpler than sokutai

布衣 Hoi - "plain" 狩衣 kariginu (which were informal clothes worn by the nobility from the Heian period and onwards)

素襖 Suô - ceremonial dress of the lower-ranked samurai

直垂 Hitatare - ceremonial court robe​

狩衣 Kariginu - patterned kariginu (informal clothes worn by the nobility from the Heian period and onwards)

大紋 Daimon - 直垂 hitatare with large family crests

直衣 Nôshi - everyday robes which were first worn by males of the imperial family during Heian era, and then spread among nobility, etc.

長上下 Naga Kamishimo - outfit pairing a sleeveless ceremonial robe called 肩衣 kataginu, with trailing pants called 長袴 nagabakama

半上下 Han Kamishimo - outfit pairing a sleeveless ceremonial robe called 肩衣 kataginu, with ankle lenght pants called 半袴 hanbakama

[tygerland]

One of two full-size ancient Greek bronzes discovered in 1972 off the western coast of Calabria in southern Italy. The statue, cast circa 460-450 BC, stands 198 cm (78 in) tall. The lips and nipples are made of copper, the teeth are silver and the eyes formed from calcite. At one time this bronze warrior held a spear and shield, but they were never found. The figure may also have worn a wreath around his head. ( Photography by Luigi Spina. )

[littlebloomclan]

Moon 15 - Greenleaf - Part 2! - A few days later... Awaken!

We got a new friend :D

[remixingreality]

[city-of-ladies]

"Dr Sarah Stark, a human skeletal biologist at Historic England, said the findings provided “evidence of a leading role for a woman in warfare on iron age Scilly.”

“Although we can never know completely about the symbolism of objects found in graves, the combination of a sword and a mirror suggests this woman had high status within her community and may have played a commanding role in local warfare, organising or leading raids on rival groups.”

Stark added: “This could suggest that female involvement in raiding and other types of violence was more common in iron age society than we’ve previously thought, and it could have laid the foundations from which leaders like Boudicca would later emerge.”"

[joelchaimholtzman]

Happy to share a painting I made a few years ago!

This is a female warrior from the medieval Volga Bulgar era; Steppe warriors from the east who settled in Central Europe.

Hope you like it!

Best,

JCH

[stillunusual]

Meanwhile in tankie clownland Russia became the largest country in the world because of "counter-offensives"…. It's almost funny how most tankie clowns claim to be communists while simultaneously embracing Russian fascism, supporting the imperialism of Russia’s mega-rich ruling class, mindlessely repeating the Kremlin's propaganda and cheerleading their war crimes. These morons seem to have no idea that the Russian Federation is an empire made up of many conquered states that Russia invaded, occupied and colonised in the 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th and 20th centuries, or that Russia's war against Ukraine is a brutal attempt to reassert control over one of its former colonies. Russia's history of imperialism is at least as bad as that of any western country - and they're still doing it in the 21st century….

[kittanthalos]

“I know the world is hard and unforgiving. And I know that Warrior Nuns die. Please don’t leave me.”

WARRIOR NUN 2.05 | Mark 10:45

[ltwilliammowett]

HMS Warrior, 1861

August marks the 163rd anniversary of the commissioning of HMS Warrior into Royal Navy service in 1861.

HMS Warrior was a ground-breaking warship in the Royal Navy, marking a significant shift in naval architecture and military capability. When commissioned she was one of the world’s most heavily armoured warships and also one of the largest ever constructed.

Her innovative design sparked a naval arms race spurring other nations to develop their own ironclad fleets. Despite her initial advantages, rapid advancements in naval technology soon rendered HMS Warrior outmoded. She was decommissioned in 1883, 22 years after entering service.

📷 Simon Clabby

[sgtgrunt0331-3]

U.S. Marines with Special Purpose Marine Air-Ground Task Force - Crisis Response - Central Command, take a moment to rest during the evacuation at Hamid Karzai International Airport, Kabul, Afghanistan on August 21, 2021.

Five days later, 13 of their comrades would lose their lives in a suicide bombing. We shall never forget their courage and sacrifice. Semper Fi.

(Photo by Staff Sgt. Victor Mancilla)

[chaosfantasmic]

He comes with a message from the drafts